#idk if this is suggestive lemme know and ill tag it

[loljaeyunz]

BLOOD AND BONES (preview)

Summary: In which, your crusty-ass boss has given you a new wack task to fullfil: investigating a haunted mansion. Little did you know, the said mansion was going to open new doors in your life.

Or to put it another way, you suddenly find yourself trapped in 1960's. The four owners of the notorious mansion welcome you as if nothing is strange. Yet, you have a bad feeling about them. Therefore, as the journalist you are, you embark on the journey of uncovering their sinister agendas and find a way to return to your timeline. The problem? The owners seem to posses something beyond just a dark truth.

Pairing: enha hyung line x investigator!fem!reader

Genre: smut mdni, vampire/demon au, detective au, accidentally time travel au, 1960s au, mystery, thriller, crime, angst, bits of fluff, suggestive, reverse harem

Warnings: murder, death, mentions of major character death, explicit acts of murdering someone, lots of blood (obv), description of crime scenes, manipulation and gaslighting at its finest, very suggestive themes, supernatural themes, religious themes, blasphemy, references to satanism, morally grey character, if you're here for romance and fluff then lower your expectations 'cause this is gonna be a fucked up ride, more to be added...

Expected wc: a lot. 45k+ with two parts current wc: 4.3k lol

Estimated publish date: end of 2024/start of 2025

Everything written here subject to change.

*You can ask for a tag but I must warn you this fic is gonna take a looooot of time for me to finish! So if you decide to be taken out or change name lemme know. Please have your age visible on your bio before asking!

Note: thats a crazy idea and idk how ill manage this lmao and sorry for grammar mistakes if there's any!

[s-4pphics]

a lil meanmechanic!ellie and snobbybitch!reader hc list bc i’m clinically ill and my dark thoughts always win i was gonna write a lil fic but i got tired lol long day 

but hopefully thisll suffice for now😚idk how many imma make for them but the sex gon go crazy

wc;cw: 930 real short n sweet, slutty rude annoying rich!oc, i’m not kidding she’s a bad person, more monologues when will it end, oc is horny and a top letting y’all know rn, imma make this toxic🤭

your shiny brand new pink bentley just stopped working! what the fuck! 

after your dad gifted you your third new car, he instructed you to pull up to the swarovski store and pick up your sparkly limited edition lavender tinted lux chrono watch…. and this happens!

how the fuck were you going to get your new watch without transportation?!

you pulled your phone outta your chanel bag and googled car stopped help…

call a tow truck?!

don’t people just buy new cars when they stop working?! 

you dialed the first number suggested online 

“YELLO!” a friendly gruff voice came through the phone

“ummm, hi, my car stopped working— “

“okay, great! where’s your car located?”

“it’s uh.. near this mall complex.” 

“…okay. i mean…. i mean what’s the address?”

…. you don’t fucking know, you’re stranded!

after spending the next ten minutes asking strangers where the hell you were, you irritatingly whined the address to the man on the phone

why does nothing go your way?!

“okay great! we’ll be there in about an hour to get it!” 

an hour?!

but your swarovski watch—!

“hello?” 

“…yeah, whatever.” you said, hanging up.

this is fucking stupid!

after an hour of angrily pouting in your front seat, you saw a red truck pull up behind you in your rearview 

fucking finally!

you got out your new baby and saw—

oh, fuck

oh fuck!

WEEEEEEWOOOOOOWWEEEEEE—

your brain was sending off red alarms!

behind the man, there was a girl in overalls and a wife-beater, dirty sneakers(yuck!), and a bandana on to keep her sweaty hair outta her face

and your mood immediately got better! 

she’s sexy she’s sexy she’s sexy she’s sexy—

“um, hi! ‘m joel! you called for a tow?” 

oh yeah

“y-yup! that’s me! my cars over there,” you pointed in some random direction as you stared at the girl 

“….okay, uh, we’ll get that loaded and we’ll head over to the repair shop!”

“uh huh,” you were so dazed as you watched her biceps ripple as she got some paperwork outta the car 

“….right!” and he walked away

she’s coming over oh god she’s coming over!

“hey. this your car?”

“mhm!” 

you looked at her name tag 

ellie

hm…wanna fuck?—

“cool. just need you to sign here. we’ll do the diagnosis when we get to the shop—“

you didn’t even care about what the fuck she was saying

you wanna eat her out so bad and buy her whatever she wants 

you work so hard, baby, lemme take the stress away! 

“…are you gonna sign…or?”

you were too busy looking at her freckled face and scarred eyebrows to notice she was holding a clipboard out to you 

how about you sign these damn wedding papers! 

“sorry!”

“it’s cool…yeah, just sign at the bottom.” 

she pointed at the dotted line with her calloused finger and you almost sucked it into your mouth! 

turn her out turn her out!

she finally met your eyes 

you wanted her clit in your mouth—!

“um… you can hop in the truck and we’ll head over, it’s like.. 20 minutes—“

“great! let’s go!”

ride my face!

when you arrived at the dealership, you got…. uncomfortable. 

why was it so loud and… grungy looking?

the nice man that answered the phone—joel— guided you into the garage and ushered you to sit on…. dirty chairs and you wanted god to strike you down now

“we’re gonna take a look at your car! it’s in pretty good condition so it shouldn’t be long!” joel screamed at you from the garage exit

you sat and nodded and 

you looked so outta place in here 

pastel colors, shimmery necklace and bracelets, heels!

you stood out like a sore thumb!

rusted, eggshell walls, dimly lit, dusty floor

you wanna leave so bad what the fuck—

“hey!” 

sike you wanna stay ellie’s so fucking fine—

“your car battery’s connection is loose, we’re gonna replace it—“

“today's my birthday!”

you were biting your lip and looking at her with glossy lust filled eyes and you wanted your head between her thighs—

“….’scuse me?”

“it’s my birthday!”

“happy….. happy birthday?” 

“thank you!” now lemme give you head—

“uh huh….. so, the replacement battery is gonna be $60, i can ring you up right now so you're not waiting when your car’s charged.”

you followed her to the desk and….

her fucking back and her shoulders and her ass—

her back her back! you wanna scratch it and make her scream!—

“cash or card?”

“card. my black card!” she needa know you’ll buy her everything—

“….right. go ‘head and swipe.”

you wanna swipe your tongue on her pussy!

but you swiped your card 

and you also reached in your chanel and grabbed a couple hundreds out

“here you go! for your troubles!” 

“what.”

“you fixed my baby! you should get a huge tip! like a really…. really fat one!

lemme give you this tip!

she must’ve noticed your tone, nastily sweet like honey, because her eyes widened before she let out a shocked scoff

you have her you have her—

“are you kidding me right now?” 

what. 

“hm?”

“i’m askin’ if you’re fucking serious? we don’t accept charity.” and she got up

and she looked mad

what the hell?

“w-what! no, it’s not like that— “

“yeah, whatever, your car will be ready in 20. you can take your money and get the hell out.” 

and she stormed off with a slam of the back door. 

…..

oh my god?

…

you want her even more now! 

[simpjaes]

bestie…i’m BACK HOMEEEE. and let me tell u the hell i went through to get back home. it took me almost a full 3 days from when i left my family home in the motherland to make it back to the comfort of my own bed because of flight cancellations and missing baggage 🤕🤕🤕 im going through it with the jet lag and everytime i close my eyes im in the airport. im traumatized.

IK u said to start with frenzy, but i’m gonna admit i’m saving that for last cause while all of ur writing have some dark/toxic themes…i kind of want to read something less dark at the moment considering my poor mental health at the moment. will def prioritize the jayke fic rn because those are my bfs fr 😫 but i promise ill get to frenzy even if it takes me a long ass time to read it I PROMISE. its your baby and needs the love.

anyways take ur time with the milf hunter jay story…but like pool boy!jay working for a rich family where the wife is a young hot woman who only married her old ass husband for his money and spends her days lounging by the pool when he toddler is off at daycare. she knows jay is always staring at her in her bikinis and they slowly get more tiny tiny until jay can’t take it anymore ohhhh 😫😫😫😫

- 💗

omg there is no obligation whatsoever for you to read frenzy first, especially if you're not in a very good headspace! that fic is just my fucking baby and im very proud of it! it's a fair bit darker compared to the other two i've released since so I definitely suggest starting with the others first!

i hope you're getting a lot of rest though, jet lag is truly an enemy to be dealt with because that shit not only sucks, but sometimes can be pretty fucking painful. make sure to have plenty of fluids and lots of rest!

milf hunter jay is actively now the upcoming fic in progress! im a lil nervous about it tho???? idk why, like i havent written a full ass stalker fic LMAOOOO. but hey, hey, hey.

pool boy jay was one of my options when i was considering a milf fic for him! i went a different route, one where the reader is like SOOOOOOOOO AGAINT GETTING WITH HIM until she's not, anyway. gonna be a fun dynamic for sure though. Might need to lock your pool boy jay up in my brain for something later? or maybe i can add it to this fic, if you don't mind. just have him as her pool boy because she's a rich, single, and depressed single mom LMAO

lemme know if i can do that, bc ill definitely do that and adjust the tags & outline accordingly.

[narcolepticelf]

If I don't get c!sapnap lore soon I'm going to start making my own. First lore change is: panda markings demon hybrid sapnap.

[♡ Click for better quality ♡ ]

[ Pls don't just like! Rbs are super appreciated and are a way to support me/other artists! ]

[thenatashapulleyuniverse]

watchmaker/ pepperharrow/ bedlam headcanons

How has nobody created a post like this yet i have so many

maybe this will be part 1 idk 

If you got any to add dont hide in the tags share them with the world hun

ms steepleton (thaniel’s mum) had some form of synesthesia. she also had gray eyes and perhaps she was kind too

annabel and thaniel are snarky chaotic siblings. she’s pragmatic and clever and a lot like their father and if this were a modern au, she’d know how to solve a rubik cube.

speaking of annabel, she’d always wanted a daughter so she loves six albeit she doesnt quite understand her. but shes trying her best as an aunt!

annabel’s sons would automatically include six in any of their games upon meeting her. another player yeah!!

six: my cousins are very weird and i dont understand them i dont think we can get along--

them in their scottish accent: hey six! we found a worm!

six: LEMME SEE

i think it should be canon that at one point in mori’s life, he dreamt that merrick and thaniel were standing over him in all their white man tallness and asked him “how’s the weather down there” and mori wakes up in a cold sweat.

”Nathaniel” and “Mr. Steepleton” is for strangers, coworkers, and acquaintances

”Thaniel” is for friends

“Than” is a very rare name that Annabel only uses

anata/darling/honey is for mori

thaniel has a sneaking suspicion that mori orchestrated his future just a bit so that he would sign up for his boxing classes. he asks him this and mori says no ofc not who do you think i am

mori, internally: haha biceps make me go brr

thaniel invites mori to watch him at some of his boxing matches. mori’s like ofc ill support you and at first he’s quiet and slightly intimidated at how loud and wild the crowd is but later on he’s cheering the loudest and whenever it looks like thaniel’s about to go down he’s like “he’s going for a right hook, go to the left!” and he really shouldnt be helping him but it just slips out you know. we love a supportive husband <3

at one point at thaniel’s match, thaniel’s backed to the side and he’s peering over the rope and winks at mori with a cut lip and bruised cheek and there are ladies in the audience who thought it was for them but we all know the truth. mori has never been more in love

mori-steepleton family trip to peru includes: six absolutely loving bedlam. the wonder on her face when she’s sees the pollen? amazing

at first it might be all a bit overwhelming for her because the altitude and the sights and everything but merrick would help her get more comfortable. he shows her that things could float and her scientifically-wired mind is like this shouldnt be possible but her childish self is trying to experiment with different objects 

raphael and six interactions are just an old soul and an “old” soul talking together.

merrick hears thaniel’s a boxer. merrick suggests they go at it. merrick wins. (no he didnt cheat why would you think that *wink*)

merrick is taller than thaniel.

thaniel tries to impress merrick. this was mori’s mentor after all, the man who took care of him when mori ran away from home when he was younger. he might as well be his father-in-law 

[shirawords]

so uhh i wish i had any idea what the  f u c k  is going on with my mood so i could complain about it but nope so here we are, complaining anyways

[adam-is-suffering]

What I know of the trolls (pt 2)

TEREZI PYROPE

- Deadass? I thought at first these were just her eyes and not glasses and I was about to up her on the ranks of “best of the best” 

- So she likes to interrogate? Thats interesting.

- She’s the one who people ship with Nepeta

- Aaand I remember her from a convo with my sister’s gf about her horns I think

- The server is obsessed with Terezi, they have all right to be

- Know what else is interesting? Apparently she hangs her stuffed animals out the window and I strive to be that chaotic as a child

- God she fights with her walking stick? Goddamn respect, I’m gonna guess she’s blind then

- Apparently she licks things to see? Power move.

- She has the biggest dick energy I’ve ever seen

VRISKA SERKERT

- Does she even need a take on her character? I’ve heard the discourse, I probably read it unknowingly before, I know how she works.

- I was shat on because I said Undertale’s Megalovania was from the game, and a Homestuck came up to me like “pussy, its Vriska” so yknow

- But I will sum up what the discourse said:

- She killed a few people, some are mad. But apparently others are apologists because of her upbringing and importance to the comic. And how she solves a big problem at some point to help others? But then she also killed, so yknow. I have no idea what to say about her until I read it, so I’ll keep this post fucking absent of opinion before I get mauled by hungry and starved Vriska discoursers.

EQUIUS ZAHHAK

- BRUH WTF IS THIS

- Who the fuck uses this as the first image after searching for his name YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARDS

- So this was probably the worst thing to happen so far and I havent even started. Fucking goddamnit.

- So this is saggy tits, he was the first character I was introduced to on the server. Best friends with Nepeta, the diamond thingy.

- God great just fantastic

- But imagine I didnt see this, then I would assume he just loved being strong and playing with his bow and arrow. I saw a few pieces of fanart, and his dad … his dad is hot lemme just tell you

- Man.. fuck. Did he trip? Is that how he died?

- Well at least I don’t know when this happens.

GAMZEE MAKARA

- Well youre crazy

- Or either you just got hurt, and you’re just trying to assure everyone that “I’m fine it doesnt hurt” in which case, of course, Gamzee. You look just fine.

- But I still think you’re a little crazy.

- And a clown (though probably a juggalo by the looks of things)

- Apparently clowns rule the government so hey, got that going for yourself

- I first thought he had a cow theme but was corrected of course

- This is a fave character of a few people, I think, while the others.. don’t like him? Understandable. Idk where I stand though.

- But I did read smth cursed on his character which I will not say bc even if I suggest this blog to be 18+, there’s still limits

- He also likes juggling

- Obviously what else did I expect from that? That he liked politics instead?

- And I think he drinks too goddamn it, theyre all alcoholics

- Someone is very passionate about making Gamzee seem less of a crazy troll but hey, I’d read that if I didn’t want to be spoiled more

ERIDAN AMPORA

- Okay who told you it was okay to ride a seahorse and hold a gun in the middle of a thunder storm while also being a fish who resembles that one guy from Danganronpa?

- A loser is what lol

- Nah real question, how are you even holding onto the seahorse? Like I get the saddle and the ropes, but the way its placed just seems like you can slip off at any given moment.

- Also people are putting him in dresses, idk if thats his interest or just a thing the fandom likes to do

- Honestly you never know tbh

- He’s literally just a hipster fish I’m not sure what else there is to say

- He gives douchebag energy? Is that what you want?

- Man, one of the tags on the search just says “Sad” are you okay fish Eridan? Do you want to talk about it?

- Oh and his brother Cronus? I just watched a video of him dancing shirtless and I haven’t been the same since

FEFERI PEIXES

- She can breath underwater, I can see that

- She also looks like she’s cute but hiding her trident behind her back ready to stab a bitch, probably thinking you won’t see the blatant weapon

- Thats what the evil look is for

- Maybe she’s that “im kind until ill stab ya” kinda gal

- Yknow, the usual

- I do like her skirt though, I think she’s the most colourful here. Everyone else is emo, especially Karkat

- Aw the squid in the back is cute tho

- Also why are you swimming with clothes and shoes in the first place? They waterproof?

- Idk much about her. Like there’s nothing at all. Why is there minimal info and art of this one lol?

[our-smooty]

Flowerbeds and Fertile Soil: Chapter 13

Fandom: Good Omens

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens, )Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer

Tags:  Kidfic, Mpreg kind of, they can choose to present however so idk, Crowley Has A Vulva (Good Omens), Crowley Has A Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has A Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has A Vulva (Good Omens), OCs Galor, parenting, using your snake form to avoid confrontation, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pregnancy, if I missed a tag lemme know

Summary: They could do anything, go anywhere, all without the worry of Above or Bellow making a fuss. Even so, they mostly kept to their little patch of Eden, their cottage and garden and the simple life they’d carved out among the locals. Aziraphale opened a book shop in town, where he only occasionally sold any books (and the ones he did sell, were all modern and stocked specifically for that purpose). Crowley focused his attentions on the garden, and if he occasionally helped their elderly neighbour with her disobedient willow tree, then that was a secret no one needed to know. Lately, however, they had both been feeling rather restless, unbeknownst to each other. Aziraphale tried reorganizing his store, changing the way he tied his bowtie and even ate pizza –something he considered to be far too messy for him personally. Crowley had branched out into birdwatching, and then car maintenance (the human way), and even reading. Nothing scratched the itch for either of them.

Ao3 Link

The next day, Aziraphale woke up first. He’d nodded off sometime in the early morning, after finishing his book and being tempted by Crowley’s soft sleeping face. And even though he fell asleep second he woke up first. Crowley was still completely unconscious, his face mashed into the pillow and both hands tucked up under his chin. In the dim lighting and abundant, soft bedding Crowley looked extremely comfortable. Almost like he could keep sleeping for hours, which just wouldn’t do. As much as Aziraphale liked visiting the bookshop, and was relieved that everything was safe and sound, he did want to get back to the cottage and the nursery. The sooner Crowley woke up the sooner they could ward the Mayfair flat, then get back home. 

But Aziraphale knew if he just woke Crowley up with a shake or by calling his name he’d be cranky all day. It was always better to let the demon wake up on his own. Except... There was one way he could wake Crowley up that had an excellent chance of putting him in a better mood than if he got to sleep in. The angel grinned to himself, then slowly slid under the covers.

Since it was getting later in the year, Crowley had once again taken to wearing his warmer flannel pyjamas instead of slinky silk or nothing at all. Luckily Aziraphale was well-practised at stealthily undoing the buttons and wiggling the loose trousers down past the demon’s bum. Crowley’s cock was soft, which was good. It meant Aziraphale could take his time, riling Crowley up until he awoke, drowning in pleasure. 

His first stop was the demon’s nipples. They were already crinkling up now that they were exposed to the cooler air. Aziraphale tweaked each one between his thumb and forefinger a few times before lowering his head and sucking one into his mouth. Crowley twitched, puffing his chest out into the touch. He wasn’t making any noises yet, so Azirpahale decided he needed to escalate the situation by getting his teeth involved as well as bringing his thigh up between Crowley’s legs to grind against his member. That forced a tiny, mewling noise and another, larger twitch from his lover.

“Are you waking up dear?” Aziraphale asked, his lips brushing against Crowley’s ear. Another little sound as Crowley nuzzled further into Aziraphale’s chest and bucked his hips. “There you are, don’t you want to come for me?”

“'Ziraphale?” Crowley gasped. His cock was drooling now--no matter what form Crowley took he was almost always extremely wet and responsive--and making a mess of Aziraphale’s sleeping trousers. Which Aziraphale couldn’t complain about, as his own member made a damp-patch inside the trousers 

“Good morning lovely. Did you sleep well?” 

“Nnnngh…”

“I’m terribly sorry I had to wake you, but the sooner we get up the sooner we can ward your flat and get home. I am so looking forward to getting home and back to our little project.” He wasn’t sure if Crowley was listening, but that was alright. He seemed to be enjoying himself, at least, if the rapidly rising moans were anything to go by.

“A-angle--! G-going to c-come!” he whined, squirming back and forth against Aziraphale’s thigh. The movement made the angel moan as it reached his own cock. He was close too, but he needed Crowley to let go first.

“Yes, good boy. Come for me, let me see you--” Crowley’s orgasm seemed to hit him all at once, and he bowed into Azirpahale’s grasp, his entire body trying to get as close as possible. After watching the demon work through his pleasure, Aziraphale thrust hard against his still-trembling thigh then came as well, completely soiling his pyjamas. As soon as they both stopped trembling he miracled away the mess and straighten out Crowley’s clothing.

G’morning,” Crowley mumbled, finally opening his eyes to gaze drowsily up at Aziraphale. “That was… nice.”

“Oh-ho,” Aziraphale gasped dramatically, kissing the blooming indignant look on Crowley’s face. “Don’t get mad, dearest. I only wanted to wake you up in the most enjoyable way possible so we can get a wiggle on.”

“You’re only saying that to needle me,” Crowley groaned, nipping sharply at Aziraphale’s jaw. The angel retaliated by blowing a raspberry against Crowley’s cheek, which made him yelp and try to get away. “Angle!”

“You started it,” Aziraphale giggled. He soothed his demon with a chaste kiss. “How about I go make us tea and some toast. Or are you feeling ill again?”

Crowley settled and took a moment to assess himself. After a few seconds, his face lit up with a relieved smile. “No nausea, I feel… fine.”

“Splendid!” Aziraphale kissed him again, this time on the nose before pulling back and sitting up. “You’ll meet me in the kitchen in 10 minutes?”

“Of course angel. If I don’t fall back asleep.” Despite his teasing Aziraphale know Crowley would be downstairs, dressed and ready for the day, in far less than 10 minutes. Especially if he was feeling better. 

“Thank you, love. Don’t push yourself too hard please?” They parted with a final kiss, then proceeded to go about their morning routines. Aziraphale made the tea, and the toast, then sat down and read to the morning paper. He set the comics aside for Crowley. The demon lazed about in bed for a full 5 minutes before finally getting up, snapping himself into appropriate clothing, and sauntering into the kitchen. He picked at the toast and sipped the tea, both of them enjoying the nostalgia of breakfast at the book shop. 

After breakfast, Aziraphale took the time to get dressed the human way while Crowley browsed the funnies. When he was finished, they cleaned up together, then locked up, ensuring one final time that the newly extended wards were perfect. 

"Ready to go, angel?" Crowley asked as Aziraphale paused at the door to the Bently. The angel looked back at the bookshop once, his eyes lingering on the door where the damage had been, before turning to smile beatifically at him.

"Yes, I'm ready. Do try not to speed too much though, I don't think my nerves can take it today."

Driving up to Crowley’s old flat was stressful, the fear that they would find more vandalism, or something worse laying heavy on Aziraphale’s mind. But when they arrived everything was fine. Crowley’s own wards had either held up, or whatever had happened at the bookshop really had been caused by mischievous humans. They still spent an hour improving the wards as they had at the book shop, just in case. When they were finished, Aziraphale suggested they check on the plants, using the excuse of not having seen them in a long time. Really he wanted to see Crowley with them, knowing that most of the greenery here were the demon’s favourites.

“Hello lovelies,” Aziraphale whispered to the plants while Crowley went to fill up the mister. Every single pot was filled with a perfect specimen, and it was easy to see that Crowley doted on these plants far more than any of the others. In fact, as the demon sauntered back into the atrium, every single leaf and stem seemed to bend towards him, seeking his touch.

"You better not be spoiling them, angel," he growled, brandishing the mister like a weapon. "This lot will take any excuse to slack off."

Crowley didn't seem to notice the way the plants were leaning into him. One particularly brave ivy even swung one of its tendrils out to brush lightly against the demons side. Aziraphale realized the plants might be reacting to Crowley's… condition, with a start.

"Perish the thought dear. Though they do seem rather interested in you right now. Are you sure you haven't been spoiling them yourself?" Crowley glanced down to the ivy now trying to wrap a vibe around his waist and the bleeding heart stretching itself as far as it could go just to brush a few of its blooms against the back of his hand. The resulting blush and stammering practically forced Aziraphale to walk over to Crowley and kiss his cheek. 

“What--why are they--?” Crowley was hissing and stuttering up a storm. He went to bat the plants away, but Aziraphale grabbed his hands, pinning them to his chest gently and making him drop the mister.

“You aren’t going to like this, but I think they may know,” he said softly, running his thumbs over the demon’s knuckled soothingly. Crowley was red as a tomato and wiggling in Aziraphale’s grip. 

“Ssso that givess them the right to get their dirty frondss all over me?” It seemed like Crowley couldn’t decide between being furious, embarrassed, or moved, which Aziraphale found unreasonably adorable. One of the vines had trailed up Crowley’s side then reached over to curl near the angel’s ear. A gorgeous, purple bloom the likes of which Aziraphale had never seen blossomed from its end.

“They’re only curious dear. Let them get their… look? Plants don’t have eyes, but I assume it’s sort of the same thing…” He trailed off. Crowley wasn’t listening anyway; his eyes were trained on the plants flittering around them. Some of them kept to a respectful, but curious distance while others were brave enough to briefly touch him. After each plant that could reach had the chance to examine Crowley they withdrew, returning to their pots and quieting down. Only when the last one had retreated Aziraphale released him, but not before pressing an apologetic kiss to each wrist. 

“Angle…” Crowley grumbled. He had the air of someone trying very hard to seem upset, rather than embarrassed. “You can’t just let them get away with that shit! Next thing you know they’ll be thinking it’s alright to wilt a little when no one's looking!” 

“There there, I’m sure they still fear you enough to stay in line, isn’t that right dears?” The plants shuddered in horror (or mock horror, at least), which made the demon relax a little. Shooting them all one last look of disdain, Crowley picked up the plant mister and began dolling out criticism and vitriol, though none of it seemed to land properly. Aziraphale wandered over to a far corner, where some of Crowley’s oldest plants made their home. He liked to visit them when he could, it was almost like meeting with a group of Crowley’s most trusted friends.

“Hello there, you’re all looking hardy as usual,” he whispered, making sure his demon lover couldn’t hear him. “I think he appreciated the welcome, even if he didn’t show it. I’ll make sure to bring the baby here to visit, once they’ve arrived.”

An ancient hydrangea to his right curled it’s leaves slowly, something Aziraphale hoped meant it understood. He wasn’t as well versed in sentient-plant body language as Crowley was. To pass the time he fussed about with their pots, making sure they were adequately turned towards the sun until Crowley made it obvious his task was completed by tossing the mister aside. 

“Done filling their heads with your sentimental shite?” Crowley quipped, giving these plants the side-eye as well. “We could go for lunch, somewhere you’ve missed since we’ve been away?”

“You aren’t tired?” Aziraphale made sure his question wasn’t too prying, or too fussy. But he really was worried that the last few days may be taking a toll on Crowley’s energy levels. The demon had barely even put up a fightback when Aziraphale had held him still which was unusual. 

“I’m fine. Might actually be, uh, a bit peckish?” Crowley answered, eyes daring around everywhere but Aziraphale. “Can’t be sure, but, I think that’s it? Dunno what I’d want to eat though, so if you have any suggestions…”

“Oh yes, of course.” Aziraphale had an entire mental list of places he’d like to take Crowley for lunch, given the opportunity and the rare event the serpent was hungry. It happened maybe once a decade and getting to check a place of his list was truly exciting. “I have just the place dear, somewhere I think you’ll enjoy. It’s not too far from here if you’d like to walk?” 

“Think I could walk a few blocks, yeah.” Crowley took a step forward so he was within grabbing distance, which Aziraphale took advantage of by wrapping an arm around his hips and squeezing gently. “I want to take this one with us, though. S’not doing well, but I think maybe the cottage might have a better place for it.”

The small, only slightly withered, ivy trembled in its pot as Crowley held it out. This wouldn’t be the first time Crowley brought an ailing plant to the cottage, especially since Aziraphale expressed his discomfort with his original disposal techniques. It wasn’t in the worst shape Aziraphale had seen, but Crowley knew best when it came to his plants.

“That space by the kitchen sink?” He’d seen Crowley messing with the plants already on that window sill a few days ago, so he wasn’t surprised they were getting a newcomer. 

“Maybe. Needs somewhere with more shade. I’ll just…” he snapped and the plant disappeared, presumably back to the cottage. “There, now we can walk.”

The walk was really only ten minutes. Aziraphale wouldn’t have suggested they make the trek if it had been any longer because Crowley would have most likely still agreed, and then been uncomfortable all night. Something about the slight changes to his body from the baby was playing poorly with his already loose and bendy snake nature, and more often than not Aziraphale spent a good hour each night massaging aches and pains from his lover's spine.

When they got to the restaurant Crowley made a happy noise. Aziraphale had known exactly what Crowley would be craving because every time he was the least bit hungry he always wanted the same thing. 

“Is this… a burger place?” Crowley asked gleefully, ducking through the door Aziraphale held for him. The waitress waved at them from a few tables away and motioned for them to grab a seat. There were already menus on the table, and Crowley dove into his immediately, looking over the options with excitement. 

“Happy dearest?” Aziraphale asked, watching Crowley coyly from over top his own menu. “I remember how you were just a few years back when you ‘got peckish’, and this place was so close to your flat…”

“How have we never been here before?” Crowley wondered, eyeing the cheeseburger section with something like wonder. “I guess--I know I don’t eat that much, and this isn’t really your thing--”

Aziraphale raised a hand to cut him off before Crowley could send himself into a guilty tizzy. “They have some lovely chips here, and their milkshakes are probably the best in London. Don’t worry about me, love, go ahead and enjoy yourself.”

Crowley hemmed and hawed for a few seconds before the waitress came over and asked to take their order. Then it seemed like his self-control broke as he ordered at least enough food to feed a small human family and their dog. The waitress took it well though and didn’t even flinch when Aziraphale made his order, confirming that yes, the skinny gentleman in the dark sunglasses was about to eat himself to death during her shift. 

“Thanks, angel,” Crowley said, eyeing a neighbouring table’s order. “Kind of snuck up on me. Didn’t feel anything until we started with the wards, then boom!” He tossed a few of the salt and pepper packets he’d been fiddling with up in the air, scattering them around the table. “Feel like I could eat a horse.”

Aziraphale could see the waitress coming around the corner behind Crowley, his shake and fries on a platter, with one of Crowley’s meals beside it. “Their service is fast too, clean that up so she can set the plates down, there’s a lad.”

For once Aziraphale got the pleasure of watching Crowley eat. Normally if the serpent was going to partake in a meal he’d nibble on a bit of deli meat, or fresh fruit. Now he was gleefully digging into a greasy, fatty, messy burger while occasionally stopping to shove fries in his face. It was cute, watching Crowley get so excited and act so out of character. He’d already finished his first meal and looking around for the next course before Aziraphale was half-done with his shake.

“I guess this means the morning sickness is gone then?” He got a glare and a minor hiss for his comment. 

“Don’t even mention that angel. I don’t want to be revisiting this meal in a few hours. How’s your shake?” They chatted as usual over the meal, the only difference being that Crowley more often than not had his mouth full and could only gesture. Much to the horror of the waitress Crowley finished his meal easily, even ordering a milkshake for himself at the end. The cook in the back even poked his head out to get a look at the monster who could eat enough for three then order dessert.

“Maybe we should have taken the car,” Crowley groaned, patting his belly. It didn’t look much more distended than usual, especially with the baby bump, so he must have been using some sort of demonic wile. He still looked a little drowsy though, the golden slits of his eyes barely visible under his sunglasses even in the cheery fluorescent lighting of the diner. 

“Don’t think you can make it? We can stay another night at the bookshop if you want. Or at your flat if the drive back home is too much. I don’t mind.” Aziraphale paid the bill while Crowley hefted himself to his feet and stretched. 

“No, no. I can do it. Besides, I sent that ivy back and it needs to be repotted ASAP.” The walk back to the Bently was a little slower and the angel found he couldn’t keep his hands off of Crowley. As they walked he slipped his arm around him, pressing their sides together, only letting go to instead loop an arm around his waist to guide them the last few meters to the curb.

“If you say so. Was there anything else we needed to get while we’re in London?” Aziraphale gave the flat one last angelic once-over--the wards were as strong as they could possibly be--before turning to the Bently. “I guess we weren’t exactly thinking about shopping lists when we left yesterday.”

“No, was a little more concerned with the shop being broken into. And I can’t think of anything right now,” Crowley answered, sliding into the driver's seat and wiggling a bit until he was comfortable. “It's not like we can’t poof back here anytime, you know.”

“I know, I know. Let's go then. We can always stop at a coffee shop on the way, if we need a break.” He got into the car as well and settled in. "You're My Best Friend" began to play on the car radio, the classical CD that had been in there before finally submitting to the Bently’s strange magic. Which was fine really, he’d grown fond of Queen, and even fonder of the way Crowley would mouth along to the words as he drove.

[fearsbellsarchived]

[me? Thinking about a gf fairytales au instead of being productive? More likely than u think!!! think ou.at buT BETTER and w/o the real world dimension hopping part. under the cut bc i just copy/pasted my tags from forever ago to put them in one place

mabel and dipper are hansel and gretal

paz is sleeping beauty 

bill is maleficient 

if we’re gonna get disney about it wendy as merida 

i LOVE the idea of tambry as rapunzel??? 

mabel can also be like...eric from the little mermaid 

so mermando can be ariel 

gIDEON AS URSULA/VANESSA IN THAT VEIN THO 

bill is also rumplestilskin 

stan can be the huntsman (idk from which story cause theres a fEW BUT)

ford is the sorcerer from fanstasia 

ford is teaching dipper magic....and instead of a true love’s kiss that’s how he wakes paz (maybe?)

the northwests made a deal w bill like in the most famous version of rumplestilskin but instead of wanting paz for himself he just wanted to steal her body at 16

so when they lose the deal they ask for help from ford and ford’s like “yo i can maybe change the deal??? a little bit???” so instead of bill taking her over when he goes to she falls asleep ​

so dipper wasnt supposed to wake her up but he found her and fords notes and he and mabel went on an adventure

bill is all the villains 

billains 

so stan has to leave mabel and dipper in the woods (idk y it wasnt for long the twins are just impatient) so stan disappears and the twins are like “lETS EXPLORE THE WOODS”

they come across some creepy old house w a lot of spiderwebs (can u guess the villain yet?)

an older woman comes out and is like “why are you guys lost in the forest?”

mabel points to the glitter trail “we’re not lost”

dipper looks behind them ‘mabel!!! where’s all the glitter?!”

(ACTUALLY MAYBE ITS YARN???) 

so they lose the trail 

meanwhile stan is losing his fucking mind

he follows the stray glitter but it’s blown all over

he feels “LOST IN THE WOOOOODDDS!!!”

so the old lady offers for them to stay the night bc its getting late

dipper is SUPER sus but he plays it cool surprisingly

mabel is So In!

long short...stan eventually saves them from darlene’s trap

usually shes just a maneater but look

when u live in the woods u do what u can

so stan hauls them back to their cottage

dipper knew there was weird shit out there but he wants MORE

he starts going through his great-uncle’s journals (*cue the dipper squee*)

he reads about bill and his deal w paz’s parents

he’s like....’maybe we should rescue her?’

ford wont tell him why they cant

so dipper and mabel sneak out

they steal the grunkles’ boat

mabel falls over board???

dipper tries like HELL to save her

but then he sees mermando save her

SO MABEL IS SAVED BY MERMANDO!!! 

gideon (who had long-loved mabel from afar) finds out

he visits the merman to trick him

all mabel remembers is his voice

so YES mermando trades his voice for legs just like the movie

sue me okay w his distinct accent it makes sense!!!

so the twins get sidetracked bc mermando shows up out of nowhere

they dock on a small island for a pit stop and thats when ‘kiss the girl’ happens

they dont kiss so they move on

they dock on another stretch of land the next day

AND GIDEON APPEARS

the twins have only heard about him from their grunkles so mabel hears his voice and goes *heart eyes*

mermando is Distressed

dipper is Focused on getting to this sleeping princess

mabel makes fun of him for liking her

SO GIDEON HAS MERMANDOS VOICE!

at one point dipper catches him w/o the amulet that makes him sound like mermando

and he tells mabel and its kinda like “the hand that rocks the mabel” or whatever the ep was called

it takes dipper and mermando being threatened (and gideons voice slipping) for her to catch on and she breaks up w him

dipper wants to throw him overboard

they just leave him on the next inhabited island they find

mermando got his kiss but decides to go back to the ocean anyway

he promises to write

mabel is Sad

SO BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED ADVENTURE!

the twins come across a land near the one paz is on and decide to stop for food and to stretch their legs and other hygiene things

they find out there’s some archery thing going on and mabel is like ’ooooh can we try?!’

turns out its for neighboring kingdoms’ princes to win a princess

mabel and dipper think this is RIDICULOUS so they crash it

mabel steps up to shoot and everyone’s like ‘wHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?’

then dipper steps up beside her. neither of them have shot a bow before

they shoot at the same time. mabel’s like thisclose to the bullseye. dippers too far right

THEN!!! PRINCESS WENDY COMES OUT OF NOWHERE

DIPPER AND MABEL ARE IN AWE OF THIS VALKYRIE. THEYRE BOTH READY FOR HER TO KILL THEM BC THEY THINK ITLL BE AWESOME

but wendy is like ‘ACTUALLY ILL SHOOT FOR MYSELF THANKS’ and splits like three arrows down the middle w her accuracy

she looks at mabel and dipper and is like ‘u dudes look fun! ive never seen u before who are u???’

and they’re like ‘WELL!’ and launch into detail about their adventure w overlapping voices and sound affects and VAST description

anyways. i cant decide how old people are rn okay 

so wendy is like “hey dad??? im going on an adventure w these guys!” and her dad is like “unusual but u DID just win ur own hand. so ill allow it”

“YES! can i take soos too?!” 

“sure!”

sO THEYRE OFF AGAIN!!! lemme tell u the ship is filling faST!!!

they get to paz’s land. and the first thing they find is a girl in a tower with long purple hair.

everyone is pretty much just making ‘wtf’ faces for like....ten minutes.

finally wendy calls up the tower like “YO! WHATS W ALL THE HAIR?!”

tambry leans out the window w a bored expression and goes “its mine. im tambry. who r u?”

they introduce themselves and are like “u wanna come on our adventure?”

then....ROBBIE APPEARS!

and he knows where the princess is!!!

”oh yeah. her. shes also in a tower. its got a door but its guarded by gnomes.”

then robbie climbs tambrys hair pecks her cheek and ducks in the tower

they decide to head for the tower robbie directed them to. but they have to pass the castle. Northwest Castle

robbie warned them about the northwests. said that the princess was one and before she disappeared she was the snottiest brat hed ever met

so they became friends despite the fact that he plays music for a living (and not very well either)

her parents told her of the spell when she was twelve

so robbie’s like “they are not nice people and neither was she??? most of the townsfolk are glad shes asleep tbh”

but dammit! dipper came here for an adventure!!! he wasnt going to stop just bc the princess wasnt what he expected!

so they continue on!

mabel is like “maybe she doesnt KNOW how to be nice!”

and soos is just excited to be there!

and wendy is just...u kno...chill

they start to get close to the castle and they feel like they’re being watched

and then soos notices the PEACOCKS!

they assume theyre spies for the king and queen. which is half true?

they can also warn bill if someone is near pacifica

oh damn imagine that

being stuck asleep w a DREAM DEMON in ur head

sorry for the accidental psychological torture paz

WHICH IS THE ONLY TORTURE SHES HAD!

i think to make up for risking her life as a baby ther parents were like “we’re just gonna spoil u rotten and PRETEND u do no wrong eVERYTHING IS FINE”

so dipper is reading the journal and he FINALLY gets to the true loves kiss part of the deal

and he looks around at the party like “oh shit true love what do we do???”

mabel suggests he at least try and everyone agrees that yeah okay thats the back up plan

but dipper wants to use a SPELL!!!

so the king and queen see him w the journal and remember ford having the same one

so everyone is brought to the king and queen

theyre like “pRINCESS GWENDOLYN?!”

bc this is MY STORY and if i wanna give wendy a more princess-y name thEN I WILL

i say as i continue to refer to mason as DIPPER!!!

SO THEYRE MEETING THE NORTHWESTS!!!

wendys like “yes that is me the princess” and then everyone else introduces themselves...w dipper introducing himself as mason bc it just sounds more fairytale-y

soos is jesus (hey zeus! not jee sus)

soos is like....wendys bff/personal servant but mostly bff

so they explain their adventure to the northwests as quickly as possible

preston is no patient man and he’s is like “tbh its probably important she be here for her 18th bday soooo??? as long as she wakes up by next year why not???”

but only bc dipper was like “i wANNA USE MAGIC I DONT WANNA KISS HER THATS PLAN B!!!”

plus u kno...even if he DOES whats the guarantee itll work???

the guarantee is me being a filthy shipper tHATS WHAT!!!

so they continue to the tower!

there is probably a sidequest thingy with giffany bc i liked that episode

also soos needs more screentime im sorry

SO THEN!!! FINALLY!!!! THEY MAKE IT TO THE TOWER!!!

WHICH IS!!!

IN FACT!!!

GUARDED

BY

GNOMES!]

also theres a manotaur/multi-bear sidequest i just thought of bc i like THAT episode!!!

is this gf, a fairytale, sk.yrim, or a d.n.d campaign now??? WHO KNOWS!!! ITS NOT ME!!!

SO THEY GOTTA GET PAST THE GNOMES!

first they offer safe passage in exchange for mabel as their queen

after thats declined theyre like “or the redhead. well take her!”

this is also declined

finally jeff tells them to attack

at first the party tries to fight them off and they do okay

uNTIL SOME GNOME WEAPONIZED SCHMEBULOCKS RAINBOW PUKE!!! (i think it’s toxic tbh but i dONT REMEMBER)

finally mabel just pulls out her trusty crosSbow (aka “GRAPPLING HOOK!”) and they just make a tightrope to the window above the door

wendy goes first and NAILS it

then everyone else follows

soos almost falls and gets left to the gnomes but everyone helps him balance and they all make it through the window

coincidentally. the window leads to the princess’s room

OH MAN WHY DIDNT I USE THE PTERODACTYL?!

oh well. anyways.

everyone is looking around the room and like...taking it all in

dipper takes a moment...then walks over to the princess

he isnt sure if waking her will also wake the demon

crossover even more w my old paciphera au??? idk probably not

so dipper tries the spells he narrowed it down to

none of them work

all his friends have returned to the princess’s room and mabel is like “u gotta kiss her brobro!”

so dipper...poor poor dipper...just leans forward and kisses her

paz pretty much snaps her eyes open when dipper is a half inch from her face while he’s pulling back 

and even tho she was forewarned she wasnt expecting DIPPER so she SCREAMS

dippers ears are ringing

she shuts her eyes and stills her breathing and sits up.

AND SEES EVERYONE ELSE AND SCREAMS AGAIN

“i dIDNT EXPECT U TO BRING *FRIENDS*!”

so once shes a little more calm they explain the whole adventure to her

paz feels a little honored they came all this way just for her

also since True Love beats everything bill is like.....back in his home dimension. also paz has been fighting him for like....over a year.

so paz is like....ready to Go. u kno. just wants to go HOME.

they get pazs shit together and exit the tower through the door

she says goodbye to the gnomes. all by name.

“oh yeah mom and dad made them my personal guard when i was like...eight. theyve been prepping for this my whole life. they’ll meet me back at the castle.” so then she starts telling them about herself and her last like 

two years of being asleep w a DREAM DEMON

“sometimes i got the weirdest nightmares??? and they never ended. but when i woke up i couldnt remember anything specific.”

she and dipper talk away from the group. he tells her about how hes her true love and everything “okay well. we’ll have to lie to my parents and say it was a spell. bc they will NOT approve of us being true loves and if they hurt you...”

“then they hurt *you* too!” dipper finishes (idk maybe a combo w a soulmate au thing?)

meanwhile mabel is like...whining about boy problems??? and wendy is like “this is y boys r dumb.”

soos is like...wandering off. I WANNA INCORPORATE MELODY BUT WHO SHOULD SHE BE?!

paz and dipper start like....arguing about how to deal w her parents

apparently they actually ARENT that nice. if she doesnt marry a prince they’ll give her over to bill completely...or something idk

SO theyre nearing the castle!!!

theyve written theyre grunkles okay no worries. also mermando.

thats y mabels complaing about boys.

mermando and that manatee wife of his!!!

paz is not exactly ready to face her parents so she convinces the party (roll for charisma) to go the long way

which is actually just circles

anyways

we run back in to melody and soos and the party is like ‘wHOOPS WE DIDNT EVEN NOTICE GLAD U DIDNT GET EATEN BY A SPIDER LADY!

maybe melody is like....a fairy???

something light and ‘childish’ bc thatd fit her personality

soos is like “ive BEEN here. u dudes have been going in circles.” and everyone glares at paz.

“im sorry!!! i just dont want to go back!!!”

“ur dad made us promise to have u back for ur 18th bday.” says dipper while he tries to stay mad at his future wife

paz is like “YEAH SO HE CAN MARRY ME OFF TO A PRINCE!!!”

idk why paz and dips are being better at being soulmates here okay i was like....sleep-drunk when i first wrote this

so the party has a choice to make.

take paz back home where she wont be able to be w her TL (which in some cases has probably led to death) OR!!!

sneak her out and take her home w them?!

wendys probably gotta go back to her own kingdom tho.

and soos wants to stay w melody

U KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED?!

sTAN NEVER GOT TO BE SOOS’S DAD!!!!

SORRY SOOS!!!

so anyways

mabel and dipper decide to help her sneak out

luckily she knows all the blindspots

it takes longer but they finally make it back to their ship

they say theyre goodbyes to soos and melody and paz wishes them well in her kingdom. she promises to return when shes ready to rule

they load the ship and sail to wendys kingdom next

they stay a few days to recuperate

paz has trouble sleeping bc when she does the nightmares come back.

cue a kat.niss/pee.ta thing where paz sleeps next to dips bc it keeps the nightmares away

wendy has to explain why soos isnt w them to her dad who kinda shrugs it off?

“u proved u can protect urself.” or something.

after like.....a whole fucking year the twins are heading home.

paz and dipper sleep together on the ship too bc its just fucking easier

paz is nervous to meet the grunks

she and dipper arent exactly....dating??? its def more like soulmate au

where theyre AWARE theyre supposed to be together but they dont even rly know if they WANT to be together.

paz is p much “i dont rly wanna be w anyone else. ill let u kno if that changes.” and dips is like “tbh same.”

mabel is already planning a big royal wedding.

iDK Y BUT I WANT THEM TO FIND OUT THEYVE BEEN ROYALTY ALL THIS TIME??? probably just bc i LOVE that trope!!! but theyre not so its whateves.

so they FINALLY get home. mabel has been writing letters this whole time. to mermanso. to soos and melody. to wendy.

shes the captain of the dip.ifica ship and shes gotta keep her crewmembers in the know!!!

the twins also wrote to the grunks the whole time so!!!! no worries!!!

paz tries writing to her parents...but she can never find the right words.

meeting the grunks isnt as bad as she thought???

stan loves her off the bat. partially bc shes rich and bc she doesnt take shit

ford is pleased to meet the girl he saved and shes v v thankful to him for saving her life as best he could.

it takes her like a YEAR to write the letter.

she promises her parents she’ll return. AFTER shes married.

at this point she and dipper ARE together. they figured all theyre confusion out and are just living the good life!

mabel and wendy are doing the long distance thing. shes still friends w mermando.

robbie and tambry found paz and they write back and forth.

u CAN TAKE ROBBIE AND PAZ SIBLINGS FROM MY DECOMPOSING HANDS!!!

everything is as happily ever after as it can get.

and then dipper proposes despite knowing what it means.

BUT THATS A WHOLE OTHER ADVENTURE!!!!

*end credits roll. an epic theme song starts playing*

[eucliffesting]

why do you hate touken?

Glad you asked!

(Edit: this ended up being a lot longer than I was expectingholy shit????)(Another edit: I forgot to actually censor the word to**ken so now it’s gonna come up in the tags I’m sorry lads)

First of all, I wanna start by saying that I’m not a “saltyfujoshi who’s upset that my yaoi ship isn’t canon” or a “Touka-hatingmisogynist”. I like hidekane but that doesn’t affect my views on touken bc Iknew that it wouldn’t be canon and that a touken endgame was more likely. Also I’vealways loved Touka since I started the series two years ago, but her currentcharacter regression is what’s slowly making me dislike her. Also I’m writingall of this off the top of my head, so sorry if I give any false information orleave important bits out!!

Okay so I actually used to like touken because I thoughtthey had a lot of potential for development and really could’ve been a greatship. My main problem with it is how poorly written the ship is. I’m mainlyfocusing on :re because I loved the og Tokyo ghoul series. Let’s start withtheir development from both characters’ perspectives. Start of :re, we seelight-haired Touka, all beautiful, grown up and mature-looking running her own café.Wonderful! Turns out she built the :re café as a home for Kaneki to come backto, even though everyone else thought he was missed or dead. Tbh I thought itwould be for everyone since she valued her family and friends at Anteiku asmuch as Kaneki but still: it’s really sweet, I can’t fault it much. At the sametime, it’s also very disappointing because og Touka had clear goals in life,wanted to attend school and university and build an independent life and careerfor herself and cared about all of her friends and family equally. That’s theTouka I love. But no, let’s have her wait around for several years for a guyshe’s merely just friends with and doesn’t know that well. Because that’s agreat way to write a strong, independent, smart female main character! Also, whatdid she do for him other than the :re cafe? She recognised Kaneki as Haiseimmediately and said she didn’t want to force herself upon him and make himremember his actual self, which sounds nice of her in theory, but she knew thathe wasn’t actually happy at the CCG and how he was treated there. Yet she didnothing to try and help?? She even told Tsukiyama to just give up when hewanted to save Kaneki?? I thought she loves him? Touken development from Kaneki’sperspective: he thinks Touka is very pretty. That’s really it. And that’s whilehe has amnesia. What did she doexactly to inspire him to keep living? What did she sacrifice for him? What otherromantic things does he say about her except for her pretty appearance? Notmuch.

Let’s skip forward a bit. Touka and Kaneki haven’t seen eachother properly for ages and haven’t had a proper conversation. Bear in mind:they’re still just friends at this point. Not even best friends or anything.Kaneki’s spent more time with Nishiki than with Touka at this point. This is agreat opportunity for them to catch up and have a nice, meaningfulconversation. What does Touka think a great thing to bring up in thisconversation is? Ask if Kaneki’s a virgin! This is based solely on “how helooked at her” when he had amnesia.Not long after asking this, she says that she’s always trying to find ways tostop him from leaving, which heavily implies she was trying to tie him downwith a relationship which is really gross. I understand that she hasabandonment issues due to her past, but that isn’t a good enough excuse. Themeaningful conversation I was hoping for comes back into light when the two ofthem start talking about Yoriko and Touka asks Kaneki about Hide and how hecopes with it. Kaneki gives her a heartfelt answer about how he could never doanything concrete because he’ll start missing Hide again. This is a wonderful opportunityfor them to mutually discuss what it’s like to be a ghoul with a human bestfriend and how to handle the pain, therefore developing and deepening theirrelationship. Let’s have a quick recap of the atmosphere here. They’re in anabandoned warehouse in the middle of a war, they’re tired and need to rest(which Kaneki suggests) and talking about their dead friends. Of course, thissituation is BURSTING with romantic, sexual tension and Touka feels the need toclimb on him and kiss him out of the blue. Does this lead to them discussingtheir feelings like adults, seeing as Touka stans love to talk about her “amazingcharacter development and maturity”? Nope, they fuck without any protection orforeplay out of an impulsive decision which results in pregnancy. One, how clichécould you possibly get? Two, didn’t Itori say that conception with ghouls wasvery unlikely at the start? And we’re supposed to believe that this chaptermakes sense and isn’t ooc at all? We’re supposed to just accept it because “she’sa girl and he’s a boy”? Kaneki could’ve had a sex scene with Hide or Nishiki inthat chapter and it would’ve made the same amount of sense tbh.

Moving on again. I would’ve been alright with chapter 125 ifthey had realised what they had done was irresponsible, yet they recognise thefeelings they have towards each other and start building a healthy romanticrelationship at a reasonable pace, discussing their issues and working toresolve them. Or, it could’ve been hinted at or explained that Kaneki is usingTouka/sex as an emotional crutch due to his mental illness. These would’ve madesense. But no, Ishida doesn’t ever discuss the unhealthy aspects of theirrelationship which is what led me to hate the ship even more. Within the next10 or so chapters they’re fucking pregnant and married? Even though they wereonly just friends like 11 chapters prior? Where was the development? How can y’allhonestly think this is good writing? It’s so rushed and forced and makes nosense. They’ve literally been dating for like 2.5 seconds, why are they alreadymarried? They’re married and they hardly know anything about each other! Beforeyou argue this point, lemme explain:

-         We’re supposed to be seeing Touka as Kaneki’sOne True Love and the light of his life but she’s STILL hitting him at thispoint in their relationship. I don’t care how many people try to brush it offas comedy or “tsundere behaviour” it’s domestic abuse! Why is Kaneki’s motherabusing him seen as tragic and a massive factor towards his mental healthissues, yet Touka, the Love Of His Life, punching him into a table (knockinghim unconscious and saying “I feel much better now!” afterwards), pushing himviolently and calling him an idiot when he wants to have a serious conversationwith her is seen as comedy? Why? Because she’s pretty? Because she’s his waifu?It was even shown that he was worried about her hitting him again. I’ve seensome people say “He’s a grown man if it’s abuse he could just leave”. Mostabuse victims don’t recognise it as abuse dumbass!!! He literally said he wasused to being beaten by those he cared about which is why he’s normalised it inhis mind!! Just because she’s a girl it doesn’t make it okay for her to beabusing her partner. Touka stans like to use the excuse “She doesn’t know abouthis past!” which EXACTLY proves the point I’m making. She hardly knows him! Andthey’re married! Regardless of if she knows that he’s an abuse survivor or not,her actions are still gross. Y’all wanna talk about her “character development”but she’s still acting like her angsty 16-year-old self who can’t express herfeelings properly. She’s an adult woman now. It’s not fair of her to treatKaneki like this when he’s been nothing but kind to her throughout theirrelationship.

-         I’ve also seen the excuse “Well, Kaneki left herwhen she has abandonment issues so he’s just as bad as her! It’s mutual abuse!”.First of all, you’ve just admitted the ship is abusive. Congrats, you playedyourself. Secondly, it proves my point again. He hardly knows about her too!You would think that Kaneki would take it upon himself to get to know Touka andher past and try to understand her as a person before marrying her. And we’resupposed to think that he’s smart? Of course, they were only friends at thetime and he had no obligations to Touka but it’s still not great that he lefther. Arguably, he originally left so that he could be strong enough to protectthose he cares about, including her, sooo yeah. The idea that he’s using her asan emotional crutch makes a lot of sense here, but we all know Ishida wouldnever show touken as the unhealthy relationship it is.

Next point, more bad writing. How is Kaneki out here sayingthat Touka is his only reason to live and calling her his best friend? I’m notdenying the fact that he loves her (I truly believe he does, but not to theextent that’s being currently portrayed), but is he forgetting other peoplehave done for him in the past? Who stopped Kaneki from taking his own life?Hide! Kaneki could’ve hallucinated about Touka down in that sewer if she wasreally the Light Of His Life, but no, he thought of Hide because his subconsciousknows that Hide is the only person who could’ve truly saved him at that point. Whatdid Touka do to stop him from taking his life? I’m not trying to say that Hideis better than her, but it makes no sense for Ishida to suddenly keep pushingthe idea that Kaneki’s number one top priority is Touka and pushing hisrelationships with other characters to the side. Don’t even get me started onhow Tsukiyama’s being treated. He starved himself for 3 years and was miserableafter thinking that Kaneki was dead then all of a sudden, he’s happy to plan atouken wedding? Who is this man idk him?? Honestly though, how is Kaneki 100%deeply and madly in love with her when the only romantic development from hisside was calling her pretty? They’ve hardly spent any time together where didhe find the time to fall in love with her and consider her as his best friend. Also,another thing; ghouls getting married via bitemarks is the dumbest thing I’veever heard and sounds like bad fanfiction. Ayato literally ate Touka’s kagunein the past and she’s recovered. Kaneki has been tortured and had his toesripped off in the past and that’s healed. Yet his bitemarks on Touka stayed?What the literal fuck? By this logic, Kaneki is also married to Rize, Amon (inthe ova they were canonly married and Kaneki asked for a divorce), arguablyHide depending on if he bit his shoulder and was already married to Touka fromtheir fight with Tsukiyama in the church. Yet this wasn’t pointed out untilnow. Bad. Writing.

Another point: I cannot believe touken stans are out here really thinking that sex cures depression and that Kaneki found ‘true happiness’ by busting a nut in Touka like lmao are you serious? Being with Touka doesn’t automatically erase his mental illness, the torture he’s been through, his psychological and physical damages and his tragic childhood. Yes, being with her does add a positive aspect to his life but this isn’t how mental illness works at all, you don’t need to be a medical expert to know that, it’s just common sense. 

I think this is my last point so here we go: Touka’scharacter regression due to touken and Kaneki. So far, it probably seems like I100% purely hate Touka, which is not true. I hate how she’s being written andtreated by the author. Like I said previously, I was literally in love with ogTouka. She was a total badass, she was smart, she was independent, she lovedschool, she loved everyone at Anteiku, she loved Yoriko and rabbits and musicand was just such a cool character. I originally shipped her with Kanekibecause I thought they had good potential and her character and independence wouldn’tfalter as a result of a romantic relationship. Well, I was wrong. Currently,Touka’s only relevance to the plot is to look pretty and be Kaneki’s waifu andbearer of his child. Ishida is trying to write her as a soft waifu but at thesame time she acts like an angsty teenager around Kaneki half of the time, howdoes that even work? How could you not possibly think this is unfair to her andis blatantly sexist writing? Because clearly a female lead can’t exist withoutbecoming dependant on a man or becoming a housewife at some point, right? Whydoes her character have to revolve around him yet his character doesn’t have torevolve around her? Why does her character and personality have to suffer as a result of a relationship?News flash: women can be in love and still be their own person. ToukaKirishima, who valued school dearly and loved her best friend Yoriko so muchthat she ate human food solely because she knew how hard Yoriko worked to makeit for her, gave up on her life goals and hardly cared when Yoriko was gonnadie? Even Kaneki thought that was weird. Also, Ishida is trying to push theidea that Touka has become smart and mature and makes good decisions. Uh,where? She waited around for Kaneki for several years when she could’ve beendoing more with her life, she had unprotected sex with him in the middle of awar, she’s now pregnant which puts her at a disadvantage as she has to fightand using her kagune would mean the baby would be absorbed as food for strength,which will cause emotional pain to her and to Kaneki. Wow she’s so smart,Einstein is shaking. Original Touka wouldn’t do this. She’s literally no betteras a 20 something year old woman as she was as a troubled 16-year-old child. Callit character development all you want, it’s character regression. Also, thispart is a bit of a reach I must admit, but Touka’s being drawn to look youngerwhich is really weird? Light-haired Touka at the start actually looks like anadult, yet current Touka looks like a teenager with her original hairstyle and bigshoujo eyes and a small nose and mouth in quite a lot of panels. Ishida evendrew her with the cutesy sparkly shoujo background when she told Kaneki thatshe was pregnant. Was that necessary? You can’t replace her current lack of apersonality with a pretty face, she actually needs character development lol. I’mnot denying that she actually loves Kaneki (once again, I truly think she doesbut needs to learn to express herself better and act like an actual adult).

I have more points I could make, but I’ll stop here becauseI literally wrote a whole essay here lmao. I just want to finish off by sayingthat even though I hate touken, I don’t hate touken shippers because I can seewhy people ship it, but I hate that 95% of you guys blatantly ignore theunhealthy aspects of their relationship and refuse to hear any criticism about Toukaor Kaneki because that’s just gross. The ship and the characters are problematicwhether you like it or not. Like I said, I wrote all of this off the top of myhead so if I’ve said anything that’s incorrect or missed things out please tellme!!