monsters-have-me

[monsters-have-me]

I got ditched not once but twice today the first 1 didn't hurt much but 2nd one was by a close friend who was supposed to go out trick or treating with me but tells me last minute she's not going out. Like geez thanks for fucking telling me when I'm already fucking dressed and ready to head out.

God at least I have a party this weekend and a concert next week to look forward to but it still doesn't stop the hurt I'm feeling now.

[monsters-have-me]

Lol so Guitar learning has basically come to a stop since last year 😅😅😅😅 cause my Guitar has a buzzing fret that just can't be fixed and that's put a huge damper on things obviously so I'm trying to save up for a brand new Guitar also still no license my mother has basically given up on teaching me how to drive 🙄🙄🙄🙄 love that for me. I sprained my ankle for the first time ever yay a few weeks ago🙄 soooo don't recommend doing that!

I'm currently on a 9 day work streak with totally socks cause my feet are fucking hurting all the time but oh well 🤷‍♀️ cause after all that I get to go see ✨️FOB✨️ and I have like 7 other concerts planned for this year!!! Oh yeah I got to meet 1 of my idol bands Set It Off!!!!! I 100% cried while I met them.

I've finally gone on an actual date it was lame the guy was boring so obviously haven't gone forward with him but there's a new guy I'm crushing on and he most likely doesn't even realize it (as per usual) but I'm not gonna let that get me down! I've got other things to focus on like planning for my 21st!!!!!!! I can't fucking wait for it!!!!!!!

But yeah that's it for now life is still a drab in day to day but I have things to look forward to so that keeps me going! XOXO DJ🥰🥰🥰

[monsters-have-me]

I just got a guitar!!!!!!!!! I started learning earlier this week and I cannot wait to play an actual song!!!!! Having a guitar is a dream come true; I just can’t use the amp unless I’m home alone 😅😅😅😅 my family ain’t the fondest of the amp for now 👀 but they’ll soon deal with it as I get better!!! XOXO DJ 😘

[monsters-have-me]

TW- depression, mental breakdowns, & $ui$d@l thoughts

Well as of right now life has gotten depressing again (no surprise) I think I have seasonal depression, the guy I liked never liked me back but yet but what felt like he strung me along for a year until he got a girlfriend but I’m mostly over him still hurts every once in awhile. (I think I have autism along with my adhd so I might’ve hyper fixated on said guy but I’m not 100% sure) so when my heart got broken it got broke HARD I had quite a few mental breakdowns which had me calling the crisis hotline a few times with $ui$d@l thoughts but those are better hopefully I can get with my doctor soon and possibly get on some meds but idk. Me and said guy are just friends but I can’t really hangout 1 on 1 or else his girlfriend will get pissed off 🙄🙄🙄 which I don’t really understand why, I don’t/can’t talk to him too much or she’ll get pissed. My best friend has helped me through it all (she’s amazing 💖) I’m getting to the stage where I’m kinda annoyed to see him (maybe that’s good?) but I don’t think I will ever 100% cut him off or out of my life I don’t want to loose him over my feelings. I think he thinks I don’t like his girlfriend but he has her as his phone background which he showed me today ( his phone didn’t mean to show me his background) but I did say she looked cute and that she’s adorable (cause I don’t want him to think/believe that there’s bad blood between me and her) (there’s really not just some sourness)

Work is absolutely depressing I’m tired of the same old same old so I might start looking for a new job my sister make it absolute hell for me to work (we work together) she’s constantly on my nerves more than usual these past few weeks. I want life to get better and to be ALOT calmer. I really need to get my license (my parents refuse to let me drive in snowy weather🤬) so I don’t think ima getting that anytime soon 🙄 thankfully my dad is seeing how much my sister sucks so he’s not favoriting her over me anymore!!!!! My mom refuses to see anything wrong with my sister so she’s still gonna be a problem (but who cares I’m in my room all day anyway).

I can’t wait for warmer calmer days. 🏵🌇🕊

[monsters-have-me]

Well I'm surprised by myself I'm still alive and the days have gone from bad to better. Ive graduated high school I have a job that I sorta do/don't hate and I have cat. I really am tired of how mundane life feels right now I want to just go go go but I don't have a license just yet, that is planed for the 24 this month.

My dad isn't being a total dickwad to me all the time but it's good to know my mother and sister do see how damn annoying he is, he also finally gave me a house key! Which is something I've been begging for; for like 3 years now. In the time I was gone I was going through some MAJOR changes like new friends new life schedule and taking care of a mentally disabled cat along with 5 kittens she had which all have new homes.

I know no one really is here to read this but hey I'm still here in the void trying to find my way out.

Happy pride month y'all come find me in the void if you need to.

[monsters-have-me]

You guys ever just feel like you can't truly live your life because of stupid little things like you wanna go on a road trip by yourself while your still a teen but you can't cause you don't have your license or a fucking curfew or maybe you don't have the right friends who don't want to go on a road trip with you. But all you wanna do is blast your favorite songs while screaming along to them while you're hanging out of a car window and you feel the cool breeze go through your hair and life feels alright and it seems life couldn't get any better and you feel like nothing in the world matters but the sad fucking reality is that you can't do any of that because of the stupid little things in life cause damn I really need a road trip right now

[monsters-have-me]

[monsters-have-me]

Anyone want to run away together?

[monsters-have-me]

I AM SOOOOO PISSED THAT I MISSED OUT ON GREAT BANDS BECAUSE I WAS TOO YOUNG BECAUSE NOW I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM AND BE DEPRESSED BECAUSE I CANT SEE THEM IN CONCERT OR AT A MEET AND GREET I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE

[monsters-have-me]

“They say just grow up But they don’t know us We don’t give a fuck And we’re never gonna change Say Won’t you say forever stay If you stay forever, hey We can stay forever young”

—

Avril Lavigne - Here’s To Never Growing Up

[monsters-have-me]

[monsters-have-me]

I don't want to grow up I just want to stay a teenager forever, cause if you grow up people will expect more out of you and I don't have any more to give. If you grow up you're not aloud to act like a child you're forced to be an adult you're forces to do things you don't wanna do. I wish I could fly to Neverland and be with the lost boys and girls and never grow up so I could be happy forever I don't wanna grow up I just wanna hang out with friends I've made and make memories with them before time runs out I haven't even turned 18 yet and yet I feel like a failure I feel like I'm running out of time and I know that being an adult isn't fun paying bills, doing taxes, mortgages, payments, and so much more I don't even know of. I'm never gonna grow up I'm gonna stay a lost girl forever and live in my Neverland world and no one is gonna stop me! So heres to never growing up!

[monsters-have-me]

[monsters-have-me]

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