#idk if this is exactly what people mean when they talk about self-confidence but it's related i guess

[wheel-within-a-wheel]

(1/2): How confident are you, really?

10 on a scale of negative one to negative ten

[lazycats-stuff]

Hi idk if you're taking requests rn but can you please do if possible batfamily x male reader who's younger than dick but older than jason and he is really shy around batfamily because he came to the family after damian idk if this makes sense and while out on patrol an enemy injects him something that turned him into a toddler but he still has all his memory the rest is up to you im sorry if this doesn't make sense😭

It's fine, it makes perfect sense, don't worry my dear anon. I know exactly what you mean. Did I use this GIF before? Yes. Does it work in this context? Yes. And did I use this GIF for a story before where I also wrote about a shy reader? Yes.

Summary: (Y/N) is shy around his family. That is until he is turned into a toddler.

Warnings: shy (Y/N), (Y/N) is turned into a toddler, not a lot of bad warnings, besides mentioning Bruce being stabbed for the purpose of this one shot.

(Y/N) was always shy, even before Bruce adopted him. But that shyness completely intensified when he was adopted into the family. He was younger than Dick, but older than Jason, which would put him somewhere in the middle. If only he didn't come after Damian came into the family, it might have been easier.

Coming into a new family where there are already four siblings and you are the fifth one... It's not easy to say the very least. Meeting new people is not easy and (Y/N) always struggled with being shy and just over all... A bit overwhelmed. More often than not, (Y/N) could be found with a blush on his cheeks. Very quiet too... Feeling self conscious more often than not.

Bruce tried to make his son more comfortable. So did the other boys. All of them in their own ways. Bruce talked to (Y/N) about becoming a vigilante. Which (Y/N) thought was a good idea. But due to his shyness... (Y/N) was very hesitant to do so. He didn't want to impede anyone due to his shyness.

Bruce promised him that they could work on it and at the same time train to go out on patrol. Bruce wanted to make sure that (Y/N) is fully prepared to go out. Sometimes, (Y/N) could overthink a lot of things and Bruce wanted (Y/N) to just trust his gut feeling. Go with your gut, trust yourself.

Of course, an overthinker overthinks everything and that sometimes makes it a bit more difficult to function. Of course, overthinking for a while when it's your first few times being on patrol is normal, you are trying to get into your rhythm and to get the initial nerves out. But the problem is that (Y/N) is a chronical overthinker. So Bruce made sure to shadow (Y/N) all the time.

Bruce made sure to instruct his sons to do the same. To make sure that they shadowed (Y/N), just for his safety. (Y/N) didn't mind it, but he would like to have a tiny bit of autonomy and a little bit of confidence in himself.

His brothers were sympathetic to that, but Bruce's orders were still standing. And Bruce did know that (Y/N) was getting a bit restless and annoyed as he couldn't have some independence. But Bruce wanted to be sure that (Y/N) could take care of himself if he was alone. And after numerous conversations with Bruce, Bruce relented and (/YN) was happy to have a little bit more autonomy.

Bruce was still worried of course, but knew that (Y/N) could take care of himself. Just like all of his children could. But Bruce is always worried about all of his children. So, he made sure to put a tracker in (Y/N)'s suit.

Just in case, Bruce told himself, trying to ease his guilt of doing this.

He knows that he couldn't tell (Y/N) because he would freak out at Bruce. Where's the autonomy if you have a tracker? And (Y/N) was happy to be trusted enough to go on his own...

Bruce was caught in the middle.

Bruce was sitting in the Batcave, taking a night off due to a stab wound. And Alfred might have threatened him with certain things if he even thought about going out on patrol. So Bruce decided to be on the Bat computer, offering support for his kids and for them to go out on patrol alone, without him as physical backup.

It was all going good, but it was a full moon. And far too quiet. And Bruce knew that something was bound to happen. And he was right. But he expected one of his kids to be hurt. Maybe something broken.

Not (Y/N) being turned into a toddler. Bruce nearly fell out of his chair once he got told what happened. It was an up and coming villain, one that Bruce didn't want to see in Gotham city. He didn't know that the enemy was dabbling into stuff like that. He stood in shock as Dick was holding a little toddler, wrapped in Damian's cloak, since the suit was far too big on him now. The suit was in Damian's hands.

" Is (Y/N) okay? Do you know what his cognition levels are? Toddler or what? "

" I'm still a teen in my mind. " (Y/N) said quietly and Bruce sighed in relief. He didn't know how he would feel if he had an actual toddler in here. He has no experience in raising one and Bruce didn't think that he could even handle on. Bruce gently walked forward and took (Y/N) into his arms, trying to calm down his nerves.

(Y/N) was okay. That's what Bruce wanted to hear. He's okay. Not dead. Not harmed... Bruce sighed in relief as he held his son close to him. His shyest son, the one who overthinks everything, the one who often blushes...

" Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? " Bruce asked softly and (Y/N) nodded, seemingly not wanting to talk. Bruce didn't mind it. He could work with nods and shakes.

" Alright, lets find some clothes for you and then Alfred will feed you and then off to bed. " Bruce said to (Y/N), who nodded, happy to eat something.

Alfred watched in silence, still shocked, but soon recovered from it.

" I'll make you your favorite master (Y/N). Come on, lets go. " Bruce put (Y/N) down and (Y/N) walked over to Alfred, reaching for his hand. Alfred smiled as he led (Y/N) up to eat something.

Bruce then turned to his sons.

" Did you manage to catch the guy? " Bruce asked and everyone shook their heads.

" He got away. He was just within my reach. " Jason crossed his arms, looking pissed.

" It's okay Jason, don't blame yourself. Once I'm fully healed, I'll help you two. For now, we need to locate the enemy and ask him for how to reverse the affects. But for now... I'll enjoy this time. I've never had a chance to raise any of you as toddlers, " Bruce confessed and everyone chuckled.

That much was true, they were all older and no one came in when they were toddlers, they were more closer to teenage years. So Bruce would really like to enjoy this period.

Can anyone blame him?

And that's what they all did. They enjoyed this time with (Y/N), Bruce more than the others. Bruce enjoyed how much smaller (Y/N) was and the fact that he could carry him in his arms. Thank God for Bruce's workout plan. And the money to get all the things necessary. Thank God for that.

(Y/N) became a bit compact with the transformation so whenever he got nightmares or got scared in general. Bruce seemed to notice that fear intensified. More often than not, (Y/N) would climb into bed, seeking comfort in his dad. Bruce never minded. How could he? No one else minded either.

It was oddly nice to have a toddler in the home. And while yes, (Y/N) still has his memories as a teen and is not as whiny as a toddler would be so it's not a fair comparison per se, but still. They liked it. Jason loved teasing more than anything in the world. (Y/N) hated it and often whined about it like a toddler would and it made Jason even more amused.

Dick enjoyed this stage too. It's nice to have someone so small around here for some reason. Tim simply buried himself into work to find the enemy. Damian didn't know where to stand on this issue. While he loved his brother even before this, although never showed it outwardly, he wanted his older brother back.

Because this messes with your mind. You have an older brother who was got turned into a toddler. It messes with your perception too. Damian was a little bit freaked out a little bit by it. Okay, not a little, but still.

And yes, (Y/N) was annoyed being a toddler. Being too small to reach anything, Jason teasing him, everyone treating him like a baby... He's had enough of it. He wanted to get out of this little body as soon as possible.

He wanted to be back to him old self.

And that wish was granted when he has seen Bruce smiling after patrol, showing him a serum.

" This will bring you back to your old self. "

(Y/N) sighed in relief. Thank God.

[jade-jini]

yunjin is the only thing i can honestly think off 😭 also i’d love to see how y/n and loser g!p yunjin got together 🤭

(Look at this cute thing, I’m weak for her)

WELL OFC DEAR ANON lol. So continuing with how our loser g!p Yunjin and reader became all lovey dovey (sorry if it’s too long and if it took too long 😭) THIS IS ALL FLUFF.

As I mentioned, you guys are in the same program so you see her during class and often around campus, mostly just exchanging a few hi’s and comments about class stuff but it never became more than those short conversations. Yunjin can be a very outgoing loser, with her silly jokes and cute pickup lines and constant compliments. She was a sweet girl! Just didn’t feel brave enough to make a more bold move just yet:(. Sakura would always be like “NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT?!” And she’d be like “NEVER GIVE UP!” But then when she has the chance to turn her flirt into something else she panics and goes🧍🏻‍♀️

She was getting brave tho, she really was! Until that stupid jock mf had to ruin all the confidence she (and Sakura) has been working so hard to build. This guy was into you. At first he really thought Yunjin didn’t have a chance because how could a loser have one? but then he noticed how you’d giggle like an idiot with Yunjin and his brain went “danger 😐” so like a fvckin asshole the only thing he thought was to make Yunjin afraid to make any move at all, hurting her self esteem.

It was during a morning that she hadn’t see you around yet. She always looks forward to the classes you shared, and when she didn’t see you in your seat as always, she was so confused ‘cause you tended to be on time. She still had hopes that you’d eventually show up. However, her confusion turned into disappointment and sadness when half the class passed and you were nowhere to be found. Yunjin knew she was being dramatic but c’mon! Seeing you is her favorite part of the day :( she spent the rest of the class resting her chin on her books with a pout. Eunchae saw her friend and thought she looked like a sad puppy, she thought it was cute and funny but also had sympathy for her friend. During the little break they had before their next class that was in the same room, she tapped Sakura’s shoulder to get her attention.

“Yunjin unnie looks like a lost puppy when y/n is not around I swear” she told her while trying not to laugh. The eldest turned her head to her red hair friend and sighed with a smile as she shook her head.

“She kinda is if you think about it, I guess” she told the youngest, who couldn’t contain a laugh from escaping her lips. This caused Yunjin to look up to her friends with a frown.

“It’s not fair, why isn’t she here?!” Yunjin started, fixing her posture “Y/n doesn’t tend to miss class, and if she didn’t come to this one she might as well just miss the rest of the day and the classes we have together… ” she complained with a cute pout, but unfortunately somebody heard their conversation.

“Like you would know, wouldn’t you creep?” The guy said, while looking at the girl with a sarcastic smile (Idk bro picture a kpop boi here if you want ig-). “God you spy on her so much you know her schedule? AND you wanna talk like you’re close with her and know what she would do. You’re such a weirdo, that’s exactly why she wouldn’t look at you, you know?” He said with that disgusting mean tone, like he himself knew you any better.

Yunjin was surprised, she knew this guy and knew he wasn’t friendly specially with well, people who didn’t share his exact interest (aka if you’re a nerd), but she wasn’t expecting him to talk to her at all let alone insult her like that, I mean she has gotten kinda bullied before when she was younger but she has done her best to either ignore these people or to defend herself, to which her friends helped a lot.

“And who the fuck are you to talk to her like that?-” Eunchae started but Sakura stopped her grabbing her arm, making sure the girl didn’t start any trouble. The man just put his hands up and laughed.

“I’m just saying, y/n is way out of your league bro, you’re embarrassing yourself and most likely making her feel uncomfortable. Do you enjoy doing that?”

“I would never do that!” Yunjin was offended, she didn’t have any bad intentions with you. Did she cross any boundary? You would tell her though right? You looked like somebody who knew how to speak for yourself well enough, she’s seen it. “I’d never do that intentionally, and I’m sure she would tell me. So far she hasn’t shown any discomfort in any moment we’ve talked.” she said trying to sound a little more confident, mostly to also convince herself you actually didn’t dislike her.

“she’s just too nice to let you know!” He answered as if it was the most obvious fact in the world. “And who knows, maybe she laughs behind your back at your behavior and that’s why she keeps you close.” He finished before walking out of the room, not letting any of the girls talk back (Lord and Sakura know Eunchae was ready to curse Tf outta him) and leaving a mess in Yunjin’s head, filling it with a lot of insecurities and doubts. Girlie was gonna be overthinking about you all day and not in the sweet cheesy way she always does :(

“What. An. Asshole!” Eunchae exclaimed, getting a scold from kkura for the language “no I’m serious what’s wrong with him?? Who does he think he is?! Asshole…”

“Hong Eunchae!” Sakura said in a serious tone, making the girl simply huff and sit down with crossed arms and a pout (Manchae my kid). “Yunjini? Are you ok?” She asked in a softer tone while sitting in her chair next to her friend, who had such a sad and pensive expression “don’t pay no mind to that guy, he doesn’t know you and I seriously doubt he knows y/n.”

“Yeah exactly!” The youngest said “he’s probably just jealous that you always make y/n laugh.”

“Yeah but is it a ‘you’re so funny I’m enjoying this’ laugh or a ‘you’re pathetic and embarrassing’ laugh? Now I don’t know…”

“She’s not a bad person, unnie. You wouldn’t like her if she was, right? But if you’re feeling insecure, let’s see her behavior carefully and maybe we’ll be able to tell.”

the tall girl sighed, resting her head on her books again. Eunchae and Sakura just looked at each other (the oldest patting her friend’s head), not sure how else to comfort their friend, but hoping next time she sees you something good happens and you somehow get those thoughts out of her head.

——

Meanwhile, you decided to miss a class and went to this store you found online where they sell different types of merch about video games, animes, stuff like that, to buy some cool genshin impact photocards you saw online. You knew two things; 1. Yunjin liked that game a lot, and 2. She was probably not gonna make a move to get closer any time soon lol so you decided to give the game a try, and liked it a lot! And now you’re gonna buy some photocards for her as well as a way of making more conversation and getting closer.

Once you got them, you quickly put a Genshin Yunjin one on your phone case (some selfies for social media Ofc) and decided to finally go to class, excited to show this girl that you were basically crushing on the gift you got for her.

Your second class of the day was luckily one with Yunjin, so you were hoping to make it on time to talk with her a little bit before it started, and so you did! But weirdly, you caught the girl on her seat, very quiet while the friends of her who also shared this class seemed a little worried and empathetic with whatever was going on with the red hair girl. You took your seat close to them and waved hi to her friend, whose name if you remember well was Sakura. With a sign you asked her if Jen was ok, to which she replied with a “so-so” sign and a little smile. You nodded sympathetically and decided to maybe wait until later on the day to talk with her, now feeling slightly nervous yourself to make any move. However, while you were considering this option, kkura thought seeing you might cheer her friend up, so she elbowed Yunjin and let her know that you were in the room.

Once the girl looked at your direction, there was a sparkle in her eyes, the one that always appeared whenever she saw you or thought of you. However, once she remembered the mean words the idiot from earlier told her, her smile turned into a more shy, sad small one, and her eyes went to the floor.

“Yunjin? You’re not gonna say hi to her like always?” The Japanese girl asked her in a low voice, trying to motivate her dear friend.

“I don’t know, Kkura..” the sad girl said “What if I just make her feel uncomfortable? What if that’s what I’ve been doing? That’s not only embarrassing, but also not fair for her to feel like that, and not fair for me to keep my hopes high if I’m clearly out of her league. I don’t wanna get even more hurt and also I—”but your voice interrupted her sad rambling.

“Hey Yunjin, Look what I got!” You called, smiling that pretty smile of yours and showing her the back of your phone, hoping this somehow will help cheering her up. And it did! Yunjin’s expression went from sad, to surprised that you called, to excited.

“Oh. My. God. Is that a Genshin Impact special edition Yun Jin photocard ?!” She said in her peculiar loud voice and with a smile showing her perfect teeth. There. There it was. The excited and loud loser who caught your attention. “Omg, y/n! How did you get this? I didn’t even know you liked Genshin!”

“Well, constantly hearing you screaming about it made me curious!” You teased her while laughing, to which she blushed but didn’t stop smiling while listening to you “it was just a few days ago so I’m very new, I actually enjoyed it a lot so I decided to search info about the characters online, and went this morning to this cool store I found to buy some of these.”

“So that’s why you weren’t here earlier” Sakura commented, making you look at her a little surprised.

“Oh you noticed?”

“Yunjin did.” Eunchae answered while looking at her friend with a mischievous smile, to which Yunjin responded with a blush, a threat in her eyes and a promise for vendetta later. “She missed you and everything.”

“Eunchae!” She simply groaned, pouting at the embarrassment her friend made her go through. But to you it was actually really cute the fact that she noticed your absence.

“Well, please accept these as an apology then.” You said while getting the little bag that contained the other photocards and giving it to her. She was so surprised because a gift. For her? From you?! “I didn’t know who your favorite character was so I made sure to get as many as possible. Please take as many as you want, I mainly got them for you to be honest.” You admitted, feeling brave to confess your intentions, even with her friends around.

“Oh my~ this is so cute!” Eunchae squeaked while shaking Yunjin’s shoulder (visual representation), while the girl was just speechless holding the bag you gave her and switching from looking at it to looking at you, who couldn’t stop smiling, satisfied at her reaction while your hands were politely behind your back in a cute shy way. Of course, Sakura had to push her to get out of her shocked state. Yunjin shook her head to bring herself back before speaking.

“Omg y/n, I don’t know what to say, thank you so much!” She said, feeling touched by the detail. Yunjin was looking at you with such sweet eyes, you were making her fall deeper for you, and she didn’t know that’s exactly your plan.

“It’s ok. Just please make sure to leave some Yun Jin for me, she’s my favorite character you know?” You told her in a clearly flirty way and a wink, making sure the message was clear. This made the red hair girl’s eyes open wide as her face had no idea what to do, besides blushing and smiling like an idiot.

“Hehe, Yunjin unnie’s face is trying to match her hair.” Eunchae teased, making you and Sakura laugh at the taller girl.

“Hong Eunchae I swear to God.”

——

After that conversation, the professor entered the classroom, so you quickly agreed on hanging out after class to continue talking about your interest in common. Sakura had a class, and Eunchae went with her after mentioning she was grateful to be able to go ‘cause she didn’t want to third wheel you guys anymore, earning another groan and blush from her best friend. Talking with Yunjin was really nice, and she was really hyped and happy about sharing this topic, so much she decided to invite you to her place so you could continue there, watch some content and even play a little bit! She was excited of being able to teach none other than her crush how to play her favorite game.

Of course she didn’t realize the weight of her actions until you were actually in her room.

Oh god. Her crush was in her room. Alone with her.

Girlie went from excited to nervous once she saw you making yourself comfortable in her bed. Her bed was really soft and warm, and her room was cozy. It reflected her personality well. A nice combination of beige walls and white. Most of the room had warm colors, and the decoration was based on some posters, little shelves with albums and books, pictures and figures of video-games characters the girl was a fan of. She was very organized and clean, her desk having her computer and just a couple notebooks at the moment. You hoped you could spend more time there with her in the future (and no not only for the nasty 🤨).

“This is a really nice place Yun” you told her.

“Thanks, that’s one of the reasons I like spending so much time at home.” She said with a giggle doing her best to contain the blush in her cheeks because did you just call her by a nickname?😳 bro do it again.

“I get it, if my room was this nice and comfy I too would prefer to just stay and play all day.” You said as she lied down next to you.

“Well, you can always come and play with me!” She offered smiling innocently (aw my pookie wookie 🥺), but c’mon you had to tease her after saying that-

“You want me to come play with you, huh?” You said with an obvious teasing tone and a smirk moving your eyebrows up and down, now making it impossible for the red hair girl to not match her cheeks color with her hair.

“I mean! It’s always fun to play genshin with friends…” she said, trying to save herself from the embarrassment, but she felt it was too late so her hands went to her face as she groaned in a low voice. You laughed. She was so endearing, so cute. You couldn’t resist her and she wasn’t even trying to do anything at all. This is the girl you wanted. It just felt too right. It felt like home in your heart even before it did in your head.

“You remember I told you Yunjin is my favorite genshin impact character?” You asked her, taking her hands off her face but not letting go of them, to which she hummed in response. “And do you know why she is my favorite character?”

“Well, her playability in my opinion is really good. Her design and character description is also captivating, and since you mentioned you’re new to the game maybe that’s the reason you liked her. Although I must say I pr—” god this girl could talk. So what’s better than shutting up your crush with a kiss? Nothing bro. Nothing so that’s what you did. With a sweet kiss that she was doing her very best to correspond once the initial shock passed, as she’s been dreaming of doing since the moment her eyes fell on you. Your hand moved slowly from her own hands to her face, caressing it softly as her trembling hand went to your waist. As the seconds passed, her hands felt more comfortable, so she hugged you closer to her, to which you responded hugging her as well. Once you stopped kissing ( barely leaving any space in between your faces), you whispered in her lips “so again, do you know why Yunjin is my favorite character?”

And with her vision blurry and her mind clearly malfunctioning because of everything that was happening (but can you blame her tho?) she said:

“Who’s Yunjin?”

Bro are you serious.

[cinnamostar]

01: self-fulfilling prophecy 

part two.

pairing : jisung x gn!reader

summary : han jisung, the man who is incapable of maintaining a relationship for more than a few months. han jisung, the man who is in complete denial that maybe he is the problem. han jisung, the man who has convinced himself he isn’t meant for love.

wc : 8.5k

cw : not proof read, nonidol!au, alcohol/drinking, sadness, angst, arguing, cursing, some cute stuff. plz let me know if i missed anything.

a/n : likes, reblogs, and feedback is much appreciated!! not too confident on this one because idk, i feel like the dialogue isn’t well executed, but let me know what you think. please enjoy!

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Jisung didn’t exactly have the best track record when it came to romance. He never did anything exceedingly horrendous, he always remained faithful in each relationship he had, but they never lasted long. He simply didn’t know how to be a good partner, always too focused on his own needs to the point that his selfishness turned into emotional neglect for the other. 

It’s not that he didn’t like the people he dated. He genuinely adored them for who they were, yet he always found himself heartbroken and confused at the end of each relationship when they would all voice the same exact reasonings on why they were ending it. 

“I just don’t feel like you care about my feelings.”

“It feels like you don’t even like me enough to put in the effort to make this work.”

“I don’t feel like a priority in your life.”

“I swear you forget we’re even in a relationship.”

“You’re too focused on yourself and everything else to even make time for me.”

Like clockwork, a few months would pass by and his partner would sit him down for the break up talk. It was exhausting. He was clueless, not having any idea what he was doing so wrong even though he would always receive a list of reasons each time. In his eyes, he was doing the best he could, but perhaps his best was not enough. 

Of course he cared for their feelings! Of course he liked them, he could’ve sworn he was doing his damnedest. Not a priority? That was ridiculous, he always made time to spend with his partner during the week despite his busy schedule. Forget? Nonsense! Too focused on himself? Well, of course he was focused on pursuing his music career which required long hours at the studio, why would he want to be with someone who didn’t support his endeavors? They knew what they were getting into when they met him!

It made zero sense to Jisung. At some point, he had given up on love altogether. Maybe he just wasn’t meant for it, maybe relationships were just not his thing. Clearly, he was doing something wrong and he decided that maybe hook up culture was just where he belonged. 

What Jisung failed to realize was that he was forcing his own ideals of a relationship onto his partners. The idea that people had different needs and perceptions on how relationships should function never dawned on him. He never thought to consider what the other person wanted and had simply assumed they would be content with whatever he had to offer. 

He forgot that some people needed more reassurance. He forgot some people wanted to go on actual dates, not everyone considered a night in a date, especially if every date was a night in. He forgot that some people didn’t just want to sit in a room with him while he was on his phone or working on his next project. Sometimes people wanted his undivided attention. Sometimes people wanted to be able to hold a conversation with him. Sometimes people needed more communication because quite frankly, three texts a day didn’t quite cut it for most people.

Yet, Jisung was too absorbed in his own world and his passions to even begin to understand that concept. He absolutely refused to believe he was doing something wrong and that he was just dating the wrong people this whole time. He just hadn’t found the one, right?

Despite that foolish belief he stubbornly held onto, it didn’t mean each instance didn’t take a hit on his ego. After the many failed relationships he had been through, the fear of inadequacy and insecurity began to creep into his mind. Was he not worthy of love? Was he incapable of forming a healthy relationship? Was something wrong with him?

He felt that he had so much love to offer in his heart, but he had no idea what it took to be a good partner. He was too tunnel visioned on producing and music to realize that sometimes, love and relationships required a bit of sacrifice, and that was something he refused to do.

Yet, Jisung wanted to fall in love. Like any other human on earth, he craved to love and be loved, to be understood wordlessly by someone else, but it seemed like love didn’t welcome him with open arms. He desperately wanted to feel like he was needed and wanted, to feel the bubbling shyness and giddiness that only love could give him, but somehow, it seemed that he was the victim of a paradox. Love hated him.

However, Jisung had resigned and accepted defeat. He wasn’t cut out for it. Besides, it’s not like anyone would even bother to give him a chance anymore. After a few failed relationships, people were quick to label him as ‘trash’ and a terrible boyfriend, only good for fun, but definitely nothing more. It was almost as if he had a permanent warning label above his head that scared off anyone who had any remote interest in him. 

People talked. And if anyone so much expressed any interest in him, someone would leap in to rescue them from a foreseeable heartbreak, telling them he was no good and a waste of time. Oh, but if you wanted a few nights of fun and to just fool around, he was perfect for that, but never, and absolutely under no circumstances, was he someone to settle down with. 

He was the only one to blame for his infamy in the dating scene, but Jisung was suffering from a case of extreme delusion and oblivion. Maybe one day he would lose that self-centered immaturity and have a much needed epiphany, but that day seemed far off in the future.

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For the past week, Jisung had holed himself in his studio, insistent on perfecting his latest track by some arbitrary deadline he had set for himself. This was a regular occurrence that his friends had gotten used to. They would be more surprised if this didn’t happen, but this also meant that they had to pay a visit to his studio every few days and force him to take a break for the sake of his mental and physical health. 

Today was one of those days in which Minho came knocking at his door after unlocking the door with the passcode Jisung had given him long ago, reminding him to come by his place later that night for a small party to celebrate his dance troop’s recent competition win. While Jisung was proud of this achievement, part of him felt a tad bit annoyed that he had to interrupt his work schedule for someone else, but Minho was one of his best friends, he at the very least should show up for a bit. He could stay for an hour or two, and hopefully by then everyone would be a little too drunk to notice he had escaped back to his studio.

Jisung sighed as he begrudgingly made his way to Minho’s apartment, dreading the amount of people he would have to socialize with tonight. He was relieved to know that a few familiar faces would be there, such as Hyunjin and Felix, who were also part of the troop, but the team had also gone through auditions recently, meaning there would be people he would have to meet for the first time.

He wasn’t one for befriending strangers, as oftentimes, many of them had a negative impression of him due to his dating history. He hated how every time he introduced himself, as soon as the words “Han Jisung” left his mouth, people’s faces would drop into an unreadable expression, almost as if they were disappointed to finally meet the man who was rumored to be complete and utter trash. It was anxiety-inducing and turned him off from seeking out new friendships because everyone would always say “Oh! Did you used to date my friend?” And at that moment, he knew it was over. They hated him before they even got to know him. As a result, Jisung always felt apprehensive when it came to meeting new people and he much preferred sticking with his small circle of friends. 

As Jisung arrived at the front steps of Minho’s apartment, he felt his shoulders tense up with trepidation as he subconsciously bit the inside of his cheek. The party had already started with the music blaring throughout the building, the lights dimmed with colorful LEDs visible from the window. A chorus of joyful cheers followed by the clinking of shot glasses and laughter could be heard from outside, signaling that the party was already in full swing. Jisung let out an uneasy groan, unprepared for what the night would bring, but reassured himself knowing that he only needed to stay for at least an hour before he could retreat back to the safe haven known as his studio.

After a sharp inhale, Jisung put on a fake smile as he opened the door, instantly greeted by a drunken Changbin who was double fisting two beers, wearing a toothy smile.

“Jisung! You made it!”

The last thing Jisung wanted tonight was to be put in the spotlight, which Changbin just unknowingly thrust him into with no warning. Others nearby turned their attention to the front door, some choosing to ignore Jisung’s presence to continue their conversations while others politely waved or called out a quick hello. 

Minho shortly appeared in Jisung’s vision, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled him into a one-armed hug, “Glad you showed up, I was worried you forgot!” An airy chuckle escaped Minho as Jisung gasped, feigning a look of betrayal while playfully shoving Minho’s shoulder, “How dare you think I’d forget my best friend’s party? I would never!”

Minho rolled his eyes at Jisung’s gesture before dragging him by his wrist. “Whatever you say, but c’mon! I want you to meet our new members. Plus, you look a little too stiff for my liking,so  let's get some drinks in ya first.”

Suddenly, shot glasses filled with tequila were shoved into Jisung’s hand as people egged him on to down them, chasing the two shots with lime and salt to cut through the harshness of the alcohol. A familiar buzz took over his senses, his head feeling lighter than usual as a lopsided smile appeared on his face while the nervousness he felt earlier quickly dissipated. 

The bit of liquid courage energized Jisung enough to forget all the now seemingly silly concerns he had earlier as he jumped through the bunches of people, excitedly yapping away as he caught up with friends and introduced himself to new people. Each time he noticed someone cringing at the sound of his name or giving him a dirty look, he would promptly take another shot to rid himself of the anxiety he was feeling, hoping the alcohol would make him just unaware enough of any other glares he would receive from people that night.

Eventually, Jisung made his way to the loft upstairs to take a break from the hectic party below, already feeling a headache coming on. He stumbled his way to the couch, not paying much mind to his surroundings as he plopped himself onto the couch, immediately throwing his head back while shutting his eyes.

“Oh, he definitely overdid it again,” laughed Felix from the left of him, “How many shots did you take?”

Jisung waved his hand as if he was shooing Felix away while mumbling, “Don’t even ask.”

He heard an unfamiliar giggle erupt from the right side of him, causing him to sit straight up with his eyes wide, hastily snapping his head to see who the laugh belonged to, not expecting anyone other than his friends here.

He found himself staring into your eyes that were crinkled from laughing, a lax smile adorning your face as you brought up a hand to hide behind. Your laugh was rich and decadent, almost as sweet as chocolate, and your smile was so refreshing that it instantly roused him from his drunken state the moment his eyes landed on you.

Oh, shit, they’re cute.

Jisung’s inebriated state had caused him to lose all self-awareness because all he could do was gawk at you with enamored eyes, his lips slightly parted as he struggled to find the words to introduce himself. He felt his face flush from embarrassment when you returned his gaze while wearing an expectant expression, patiently waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“I- Oh, uhm, I…”

You had instantly captured his heart with the most saccharine smile he has ever seen and within a few seconds, Jisung was undeniably smitten, but he was also completely making a fool of himself within those same few seconds.

“Jesus christ, Jisung, how drunk are you?” howled Hyunjin, who had gotten up to lightly poke Jisung’s cheek, “Helloooo, earth to Jisung? Anyone home?”

“Dude… Close your mouth before you start drooling over there. I don’t think that’s an image you want Y/N to have during your first meeting,” Seungmin, who was sitting on the floor, mischievously sneered, quickly recognizing Jisung’s speechless state was caused by something more than just alcohol. Jisung shook his head side to side to wake himself from his lovestruck daze, clearing his throat in an attempt to cover up Seungmin’s comment. 

“Mm, sorry! I just-,” 

Oh, this is bad, he really is making this so much worse for himself. He was now regretting all the shots from earlier as he tripped over his words, his nerves not being of any help. He desperately was trying to say something sensible, but instead, all he could blurt out was,

“Jisung! I’m Jisung… yeah!”

Now it is a lot worse as Jisung cringed at how loud and annoying his voice was, everyone else also seemingly cowering from second hand embarrassment as they watched the scene unfold, but no one was able to peel their eyes away.

Like an angel sent from heaven, Felix decided to have mercy on the brown haired boy, peeking out from behind Jisung to meet your eyes at the other side of the couch. “Y/N, this is our friend Jisung! He makes music with Changbin and Chan. Jisung, this is Y/N. They’re one of our newest members on the team.” God, Jisung could kiss Felix right now from how relieved he was to have alleviated the awkward tension he had just created moments earlier.

You nodded, smiling at Jisung as your eyes lit up in realization, “Oh, Jisung? I’ve heard about you before.”

Ah, there it is. Of course! Of course you have and how stupid of him to think he’d be able to have an untarnished first impression with you and-

“Minho says so many good things about you! He even showed me some of your songs. You’re really talented at what you do, I definitely added a few to my playlist.”

Someone pinch Jisung right now because he must be dreaming, there’s absolutely no way. Is luck finally on his side? Has God finally decided to be oh-so-merciful today? He was on cloud nine as he relished in your compliments, savoring this moment because this may never happen again.

Jisung clicked his teeth as he waved both his hands in front of him with a flustered smile, “Oh, no, no, no, I am not that good! But thank you!” The alcohol was really doing a number on him as he slurred over each syllable, but thankfully he was coherent enough for everyone to understand what he said. 

You let out a breathy laugh at his antics while standing from your seat, “Well, it's nice to finally put a face to the name, but I do have to go now, I have to be up early.”

Jisung deflated as everyone wished you good night, feeling disappointed how quickly your first meeting with him ended. Hyunjin stood up, offering to walk you out and once you were out of earshot, Jisung whipped his head to Felix.

“Felix… Who was that? How long have you been hiding them from me?”

Seungmin struggled to contain his laugh, earning a confused look from Jisung, “What are you laughing at?”

“Dude, you. You looked so stupid trying to talk to them.”

Jisung threw himself back into the couch, sinking into the cushions with an embarrassed groan, “Shut up, I know.”

Felix laughed, shooting Jisung a pitiful smile, “You’ve done worse, it’s fine. And no one was hiding them from you, you just never show up when we invite you anywhere. That is your own fault, not ours!” Jisung pouted, cursing himself mentally for rejecting all those plans.

“They’re cool, they’ve been on our team for a few months. Crazy good at dancing too, we are super lucky to have them.”

“Are they dating anyone?”

The room grew quiet at Jisung’s question as Seungmin and Felix looked at each other with uneasiness, unsure how to respond. Hyunjin had come back up the stairs after walking you to your car, just in time to hear Jisung. He let out a heavy sigh, alerting everyone of his presence.

“I… I think it's best if you just leave them alone, Jisung. They’re a really sweet person and you, well…”

“Me what? What do you mean?” Jisung furrowed his eyebrows at Hyunjin as the taller boy struggled to finish his thought.

“Just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Seriously, Jisung? I know you’re wasted right now, but don’t make me say it. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

And he did, he knew that Hyunjin was referring to his dating history, but Jisung felt himself growing angry hearing his friend allude to him being a bad partner, suggesting he would hurt you. 

“No, I want to hear you say it,” Jisung spat out, a scowl painted all over his face as he stared down Hyunjin with his arms crossed, who was still standing by the stairs. He felt himself become warm in frustration as all the insecurities he held close to his heart started to bubble up. Did his own friend’s think so poorly of him too?

Felix reached out to put a reassuring hand on Jisung’s shoulder, hoping to defuse the situation, “Let’s not do this right now. You’re still drunk, Jisung.” Jisung shook Felix’s hand off his shoulders, standing up while still glaring at Hyunjin with clenched fists. 

“Say it.”

“Jisung-” warned Felix, but he was cut off by Seungmin.

“You’re a shit boyfriend, Jisung. We don’t need you hurting someone we’re friends with again.”

The room was silent as everyone now stared at Seungmin with wide eyes, startled at how blunt he was being. Jisung didn’t know what he was feeling as a flash of rage took over his body, but at the same time, he felt his heart drop hearing those words come out of his own friend’s mouth. It was now Hyunjin’s turn to butt in,

“Seungmin, stop-”

“No, he needs to hear it straight up. He fucking sucks and you all know I’m right. I’m tired of him acting like he isn’t the problem. Leave Y/N alone. They’re better off without you.”

Jisung felt hot tears well up in his eyes as he took in every one of Seungmin’s words, each casting daggers into his heart. His worst nightmares were coming true as he realized that it wasn’t just strangers and ex-lovers who viewed in such a negative light, but the people he trusted so much, his own friends, also thought the same of him. The fury laced in Seungmin’s voice cut Jisung deep as every syllable pushed him over the edge til Jisungfound himself falling into a pit of sadness and hurt, his stomach flipping onto itself on his way down.

Was he really that bad? Wait, no! How dare Seungmin say such a thing to him? What does Seungmin even know about Jisung’s past relationship? He was stepping out of line! The sadness instantly subsided, soon being replaced with a familiar feeling of denial and anger as Jisung stomped towards Seungmin, crouching down to meet him on the floor. Jisung sloppily grabbed Seungmin by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close to his face.

“What the fuck did you just say? Take it back right fucking now,” growled Jisung, venom dropping down from each word.

Seungmin rolled his eyes, pushing the drunken boy off him who stumbled backwards, “See, this right here is your problem. You can’t even begin to accept that you’re in the wrong.” Seungmin stood up, now looking down at Jisung who still hadn’t regained his balance. He took in an exasperated inhale, a subdued smile replacing the vexed look he just had as he softened his tone, “Look, Jisung. I love and care for you, but I cannot turn a blind eye and let you hurt someone else. I mean it. Leave them alone.” With that, Seungmin made his way to the stairs, wanting nothing more than to get away from Jisung at that moment before he said something he’d later regret.

Jisung remained seated on the floor as he was processing the words and emotions that were rushing in all at once, his drunken brain unsure how to handle all the information he was just fed. He laid his head into his hands as his brain echoed Seungmin’s words again and again. 

Jisung felt his breath get caught in his throat as he hiccuped a quiet sob, his body starting to tremble as the tears he was holding back for so long finally fell. His body collapsed onto itself as his heart stuttered in his chest, his lungs burning from the lack of air as he continued to inconsolably weep, struggling to breathe between his cries. 

Maybe he is as bad as everyone said he was.

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

A few weeks had gone by since Jisung and Seungmin’s argument at the party, but the tension between the two boys didn’t last long as Seungmin showed up to Jisung’s apartment the very next day with a bowl of soup for his hangover and an apology, which Jisung graciously accepted, neither wanting to be upset at each other any longer. 

Despite that, the words Seungmin had said never left Jisung, leaving a permanent scar on his brain as he constantly recalled the moment. The words painfully rang through his ears as a ball of shame and misery formed in his stomach while he reminisced about his past relationships, trying to figure out what he did so wrong. 

Jisung felt horrible as he carried this weight of guilt on his shoulders as he wondered how his actions had hurt others and how he had remained oblivious for so long. All the insecurities and fears he had about himself were true at the end. Everyone around him was in agreement that he was the issue and he was the one behaving so selfishly in every relationship. He could understand that and he knew if his friend’s felt that way, it had to be the truth, but he was still struggling to identify what exactly about him and his behavior was so bad. 

Sure, he could reach out and ask his friends to help see what he was missing, but he was too afraid to face the reality of the situation, not ready to take another brutal beating of words. He was terrified to hear the truth, but he knew the same conclusion he came to long ago remained true. Love was just not for him, it didn’t want him the same way he did.

Everyone had taken note of Jisung’s downtrodden mood and thought he had just needed a few days to collect himself, but once everyone realized more time had passed and that he didn’t even have the will to attend a recording session with Chan and Changbin, everyone went into crisis mode. So, over the last few weeks, someone would show up to Jisung’s house to check in on him and either spend a few hours with him at home, or forcefully drag him out the house to spend time with the group, insisting it would help him feel better.

Each time someone had forced him out, he would be huffing and sulking like a grumpy toddler throwing a tantrum, but as soon as he got there, he would be as cheery as ever and would end the day feeling a lot better. He hated how right his friends were, but he was always thankful for every time they dragged him out despite his whiny and bratty attitude.

However, there was another mental battle Jisung was fighting that everyone was unaware of, or so he thought, and he was definitely not coming out of it as a winner. Unfortunately for Jisung, since the time you joined Minho’s dance team, you had hit it off so well with the rest of the group that you were there almost every time Jisung joined you guys on an outing. And each day he spent with you, he found himself falling more and more for you. 

He was really trying to stop himself, as he took Seungmin’s words to heart and imagined that sentiment was shared with everyone else, but this task was becoming an impossible one for Jisung to tackle!

It was weird. Every time he’d get invited out, Jisung would dread seeing you because he knew he was doomed to a hopeless, unrequited love with you, but if you weren’t there, he would be so disappointed and would find himself wanting to go home sooner. He wanted to stay as far away from you as possible, but something about you drew him in and he couldn’t resist and now here he is, finding himself in a friendship with you that he could not escape. 

It’s not that he didn't want to be friends with you, if anything he loved the friendship you two had grown in such a short time and how quickly he became fond of you. You were incredibly sweet to Jisung, constantly showing your consideration for him everyday in new ways. If he ever felt anxious or out of place, you were the first to take notice and offer to get him out of whatever stuffy social situation he was in and stay with him til he was ready to join the others again. If he had decided to stay in that day, you’d send him a message letting know he was missed and hoped to see him the next time. There was even a time where he was too sick to leave the house, and much to his surprise, he found you and Minho at his front door steps with food and medicine.

Somehow, unlike everyone else before you, you had shown him a special kind of unwavering kindness and didn’t judge him for his past. For the first time in years, he finally felt safe and unconditionally loved in a friendship that wasn’t one of the boys. That was enough for Jisung to know that you were someone he wanted to keep in his life for as long as possible, even if it meant he had to confront eventual heartbreak and only stay by your side as nothing more than a friend. 

But, that was okay. That was more than enough for him because as long as you were there, he would give you his all and support you endlessly. He would do anything to see you smile, anything to ensure your happiness, and if that meant he couldn’t be your lover, then that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Besides, no one has ever been happy with him in a relationship. This was how it had to be, this is how he could protect you from himself.

Regardless of how Jisung felt towards you, he had seriously doubted you had any interest in him in the first place. How could someone as angelic as you want to be with, well, trash? There was no way you hadn’t heard about his disastrous dating history, and if you were as smart as he thought you were, that alone would turn you off from him. Not only that, he was pretty sure you had heard about the fight he had with Seungmin and if that fight said anything about him, it showed that he was a mess of insecurities and arrogance. Why on Earth would you ever like someone like that? And if you heard about the fight, he was positive that Seungmin and everyone else had warned you about him and dissuaded you from even considering anything romantic with him.

It was doomed! 

And although Jisung had earnestly vowed to himself he would not engage in anything romantic with you, he was failing miserably. His affection towards you was something everyone picked up on. He always, no matter what, had his undivided attention on you as you ranted to him about whatever bothered you that day or how you were struggling to nail a part of your dance routine. It was obvious. He loved hearing you talk and could listen to you for hours as if you were his own personal podcast, always mirroring your emotion and blindly agreeing with you during your rants, always asking you questions whenever you rambled on about your own hobbies and interests. 

If someone ever talked over you, he’d make sure to ask you what you were going to say. If you were upset that day, he’d always offer to buy you ice cream and insist to the group that they all needed to stop by the local ice cream shop. If you ever showed him a video of your latest dance routine, he’d shower you with a ridiculous amount of compliments until you were a flustered mess asking him to stop. And every time he noticed you were wearing a new outfit, changed your hair, or wore different jewelry, he would be quick to notice and let you know how wonderful you looked. He was shamelessly flirting with you, and he hadn’t even realized how far he had let it go. 

On the other side of the pond, you were well aware of every horrible thing that was said about Jisung, even long before you had become a member of Minho’s team, and to be quite frank, you thought he was a complete asshole from what you’ve heard. But once you realized that he was one of Minho’s lifelong best friends, you knew you had to push your personal feelings aside, especially when you realized some of the music Minho had you perform with was Jisung’s original work. You hated to admit it, but he was an absolute genius when it came to music production and you were slowly becoming a fan of his work. 

All you could tell yourself was that he couldn’t have been that bad if everyone was still his friend and reminded yourself people change, it’s not like you were going to end up liking the guy anyway. 

Oh, but you were so wrong. 

The first time you saw him at Minho’s party, you thought he was so irresistibly adorable during his drunken babbling, and you were honestly taken aback that the cute man who sat in front of you was none other than Han Jisung. Although, it did help soften your initial thoughts of him, making you think maybe he wasn’t that bad, especially after seeing him become a blushing mess at the mere sight of you, but those thoughts were quickly pushed away while Hyunjin walked you to your car after you left.

“Y/N…”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard about Jisung from other people, right?”

“Oh, I’ve heard plenty, but he doesn’t seem so bad though.”

“Well, he isn’t if you’re just friends with him, but… He definitely seemed into you when he saw you and as your friend, I feel like it is my responsibility to let you know that he isn’t someone you should pursue. I love him, but you deserve someone better than that… I would hate to see him hurt another one of my friends.”

“Ah, no worries, Hyunjin. I’ve made dumb dating choices in the past, but I’m not that stupid.”

Except, you were that stupid. So, so, so incredibly stupid and you were terrified that anyone would uncover your growing crush on the boy. You could already imagine both Hyunjin and Seungmin’s disappointed looks, and you promised yourself you were taking this little secret to the grave. You had every reason in the world to not be attracted to Jisung, especially after hearing how he put his hands on Seungmin during their argument! Drunk or not, there’s no excuse for that and his denial of his actions said so much about him.

Yet, here you are, sitting next to Jisung on the couch in the living room of Minho’s place, excitedly talking to him about the latest episode of the drama you were currently watching, gossiping to him as if the actors were real people you knew in your personal life. He sat on the couch with his legs crossed, facing you while nodding along to every word you said, his eyes trained on you and you alone.

“And-, oh my god, I almost forgot, but the lead then told her to shut up! Can you believe that?!”

Jisung would then gasp, theatrically putting his hand on his chest, “No fucking way… What is his problem?”

“Right! And then-,” you paused for a moment, suddenly feeling insecure that you were forcing Jisung to listen about something he probably didn’t care for. You sighed and gave him an apologetic smile as you anxiously twiddled your fingers, “I’m sorry, I got carried away, you probably don’t wanna listen to me talk about some stupid drama.”

This time, Jisung did look genuinely surprised as his eyebrows furrowed upward with panicked eyes, “What? No, I love hearing you talk about this, you’re always so excited that it’s adorable.” He hated how fast your mood changed and started to worry if he had done something to make you feel that way. Did he look uninterested? Was he not responsive enough? 

“Did I do something to make you think I didn’t want to listen?”

You felt your cheeks grow warm at Jisung calling you adorable, and then felt your heart start beating loudly in your chest when he asked you that question with all the concern and worry in the world filling his eyes. You shot straight up in your seat, returning his gaze with astonishment, not expecting him to be so considerate. “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong… I just…” You paused for a moment, trying to find the words without revealing too much on how you were feeling, “I just got nervous for a moment, I don’t know.”

Jisung nodded as you spoke, taking your hands in his as he gave you a reassuring smile, “Y/N, I promise there’s nothing more I’d love than to hear you talk. You could be explaining the most boring thing ever, and I would still listen to you happily.”

In the kitchen stood Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Minho who were watching the scene unfold before them as they prepared food for everyone, while the others were upstairs playing whatever video game upstairs. Seungmin narrowed his eyes as he watched Jisung reach for your hands, taking note of the flustered look on your face.

“I think Y/N likes him.”

Hyunjin and Minho turned to Seungmin for a moment, then looked back at you and Jisung, unsure what exactly Seungmin saw other than Jisung’s flirtations. 

Hyunjin let out an annoyed exhale as he continued to fry the eggs on the pan, then muttering, “There’s no way that’s possible. Y/N knows better.”

“I don’t know. Just look at them, they act like there’s no one else in the room when they’re together,” whispered Seungmin.

“I guess,” murmured Hyunjin, clearly upset about Seungmin’s hunch, “This is going to end terribly, isn’t it?”

Minho silently stood as he separated the ramen noodles that were boiling in the pot, humming along as he listened to the two younger boys angrily whisper. “I think it will be okay. I think our Jisungie has learned his lessons.”

The other two looked at him with disbelief, neither believing Jisung was capable of ever growing from the immature mindset he had for as long as they’ve known him. Hyunjin scoffed, “No, you don’t really think that, do you?”

Minho kept his eyes on the stove as the other two stared down at the back of his head, shrugging his shoulders, “Well, I could be wrong, I can’t exactly predict the future, but…” He then glanced back at the couch, smiling as Jisung made you laugh, “He treats them differently. I don’t know why, but he does. Don’t you two think so?”

Seungmin and Hyunjin stayed silent, not being able to deny Minho’s statement because they fully knew he wasn’t wrong. Everyone knew something in Jisung had changed when he had met you, and everyone saw how gently he treated you, almost as if he was scared he could scare you away with one little misstep.

“Whatever, I still don’t trust him,” Hyunjin grumbled, putting the last of the eggs on a plate.

Minho chuckled at both of the boy’s protectiveness, “That’s okay, no one is forcing you to, but remember, they’re both adults. They can do what they want, no matter how stupid we all think it is.”

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

Months had gone by and there was no denying the small romance that had flourished between you and Jisung. You both were hopelessly head-over-heels for the other, to the point that everyone around you two had grown sick of it and was praying for the day where one of you would finally confess your feelings to the other. 

You had long given up on hiding your feelings for the boy from your friends, especially after one day Seungmin had confronted you and told you it was the most obvious thing in the world. Part of you had prepared yourself for Seungmin to berate you for your poor taste in men, especially after the plethora of warnings you had been given about Jisung, but instead, he was very supportive and wanted you to feel comfortable enough to talk to him about it, even if he thought you could do better.

Jisung had become a part of your daily life, spending nearly everyday with each other or at the very least, you both had become accustomed to texting one another throughout the day. You’d start your day either sending or receiving a ‘good morning’ text from him and you’d end your day the same way, except it was a ‘good night’ text. 

You’d often pay him a visit at his studio on days he had lost track of time, always letting yourself in after he had given you the passcode to the door, which he had only given to you, Minho, Chan, and Changbin. It came to you as a surprise when he gave you the code to his studio, insisting that you needed it so you could drop in whenever you wanted, telling you that you were always a welcomed guest at his studio. In reality, Jisung just wanted an excuse to see you more, and you had taken the bait as you would often show up with an iced americano in hand and whatever takeout food you were in the mood for that day.

If you ever had a long day of dance practice, Jisung would make sure to stop by to drop off a snack and drink as well, often receiving complaints from Minho over his blatant favoritism, accusing him of neglecting his best friend, which would cause Jisung to grow red from embarrassment. Despite his relentless teasing, Minho was more than proud to see how much Jisung had grown and how naturally caring for you had come to him. It was a side of Jisung no one had ever seen, and it was a very much welcomed change.

Today, you were sitting on the couch at Jisung’s apartment as he washed the dishes from the dinner you both had attempted to make, humming along as he put them in the drying rack. For some reason, you and Jisung had thought it would be a great idea to recreate a steak dish you both saw online and while it did not go terribly, the steaks ended up being a little too burnt for either of your liking. You were a bit disappointed, part of you feeling embarrassed you couldn’t even cook a proper meal in front of your crush, but he had lifted your spirits up by telling you it was an ‘excellent culinary choice’ to serve the steaks charred, shushing you each time you said the word burnt. 

Soon after, he took a seat next to you on the couch, flicking through the TV as he tried to find something to watch, but soon gave up as he turned to you, “Is there anything you wanna watch?” 

You scrunch up your face as you take a few seconds to think, clapping your hands excitedly once the idea hits you, “Have you ever watched Love is Blind? It’s kinda a dumb reality show, but I still haven’t seen the new season and it’s always a fun watch!”

Jisung furrowed his eyebrows quizzically, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy, “Love is Blind? I’ve never heard of it, what's it about?”

“Never heard of it!? No way!” You gasped, a hand clasping over your mouth dramatically as he smiled adoringly at your antics, “It’s such a crazy show! Basically, a bunch of singles are trying to find the love of their lives, but they’re meeting people without ever seeing what they look like!”

“Oh, so they only get to talk to each other?”

“Yeah! And then they have to get engaged, and once that happens, they can finally meet face to face. They’re supposed to get married at the end of the series, but there’s always juicy drama going on before then!”

Jisung hummed, taking interest in the show's concept, “That’s cool, so they’re trying to see if love is truly blind?”

“Exactly!” You chirped, nodding with enthusiasm as you beamed at Jisung, waiting for his response.

“Sure, let’s watch it!” How could he ever say no to you when you’re smiling at him that way? He swore he felt his heart flutter the moment you smiled at him, the jubilation in your eyes making him become putty in your hands. “Do you really believe in that though? Like, unconditional love?”

You turned to him as you grabbed the remote from his hands, a bit taken aback from his question, “Well, I’ve already seen the other seasons and some couples have definitely proven that love can be blind, but love differs for everyone. I think that’s the beauty of this show though, loving someone despite their flaws and loving them for who they truly are.”

He leaned back on the couch, returning your gaze as he lost himself deep in thought, “Right, but do you think you could love someone unconditionally? Even if they’ve made mistakes in the past?”

You furrowed your eyebrows as you tried to understand where Jisung was coming from, a gentle smile gracing your features as you reached a comforting hand over his wrist, “Well, as long as those past mistakes aren’t murder or something, I don’t see why not. I’d like to think people are able to grow from their past.”

Jisung smiled as he sighed in relief, his other hand resting on top of yours, “Even me?”

“Especially you.” 

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

It was a quiet and cold night as you curled up into Jisung’s side, your head resting on his chest with a leg thrown over his as his arms swaddled you into a tight embrace. It was peaceful and serene, the only sounds filling the room was the light pitter patter of rain against his bedroom window and the comforting beat of his heart. You tilted your head upwards and caught Jisung’s gaze, a relaxed smile on his face as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss on your forehead, but you could’ve sworn you saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes.

To be quite honest, you weren’t entirely sure what you and Jisung were, as neither of you had ever officially discussed labels, but you both were very aware of each other’s feelings for one another. There was no doubt that you both were more than just friends, but the label of partners or dating was something Jisung nervously tiptoed around. 

After a few weeks of these shared tender moments, you figured Jisung would soon ask you to be his, but the question never came and it filled you with nervousness. You didn’t want to pressure him, as you could sympathize with his concerns since he was very transparent with you about his hesitance from the very start.

Jisung was irrevocably in love with you and wanted nothing more than to make you his partner, but he would be lying to you if he wasn’t also terrified of the weight of that label. For so long, Jisung had convinced himself he was incapable of loving someone the way they deserved to be and never thought anyone would have ever fallen for him, especially someone as perfect as you. Perhaps it was your sheer kindness and undying belief in him, but he felt like a complete fraud, as if you had imagined him to be this amazing man that he could never be and has never been. He wasn’t ready to fall short of your expectations, he wasn’t ready to face the disappointed and heartbroken look on your face once you realized the rumors about him were complete truth.

He felt as if he was truly undeserving of someone as pure as you, someone so selfless and caring who approached their own feelings with so much confidence, while he was just a shamefully selfish man who didn’t know how to trust himself, who didn’t believe in his own ability to make his own partner happy, a man who was painfully insecure and unsure of who he was.

He wanted you with every fiber of his being and desperately wanted to be the very reason behind your smiles, laughter, and happiness. He so greedily desired to see his own reflection in your eyes for the rest of his life, a sight that he wanted to treasure for the rest of life and the thought of you looking at someone else that way physically pained him.

Yet, his fear of hurting you and disappointing everyone else around him held him back from chasing those feelings and Seungmin’s words from months ago ruminated in his mind as a constant reminder of his past failures. He would not be able to shoulder the burden of hurting you, the guilt would completely eat him up because at the end of the day, it would be his fault for fooling you into the idea that he was capable of giving you that movie perfect love story. For crying out loud, he’s Han Jisung, the guy everyone hated and criticized for his ineptitude of romantic relations. He knew what you wanted, he knew you were growing impatient and scared over his inaction, but his anxieties held him captive in a standstill, and he was not strong enough to challenge it.

All he could tell you was that he needed more time, that he was afraid and needed the chance to grow that confidence in himself once more, but he knew time was finite and he was running out of it. 

As he kissed your forehead, he felt his heart flinch as a pang of sadness flooded his body, forcefully fighting the overwhelming adoration and affection he had for you. He was petrified at the way his body slowly began to reject the feelings of love he had for you, fear and insecurities consuming it as if everything you had to offer nothing. All rational thinking had left him in that moment as panic took over his thoughts, angrily yelling at him for being such an idiot to think anything would ever change. How stupid he was to lead on another innocent person and how he was only going to hurt them, just like all the others before him. How idiotic he was for thinking he was ever deserving of love, as love does not wish to know him. 

He just couldn’t be your love.

God, if he wasn’t such a selfish asshole, maybe then he could’ve saved you from his own carelessness. If he had only heeded the warnings of his friends, but once again, he has fallen into the trap of self-centered needs outweighing the feelings of others. If he had only stayed your friend and nothing more, if he had only not-

“Y/N, I don’t think this is going to work.”

Did he really say that out loud? He held his breath as he cursed himself for acting so quickly out of fear, his heart stopped as he watched you stiffen in his own arm. You silently sat yourself up, his arms falling to the mattress as you turned to him with tears filling your eyes, your lips trembling as you tried to contain a sob.

Oh, how Jisung just wished the world would swallow him whole in that moment, his heart completely shattering at the sight of your crestfallen face. He looked into your watery eyes to only realize that this time, the reflection of your eyes showed the source of your sorrow, an expression he had wished he never had the misfortune to witness. 

“I… I’m sorry, I just-”

You shook your head, raising a hand to signal him to stop talking, refusing to take an explanation from him, “It’s okay. I was afraid this would happen.”

You forced a tightlipped smile, taking a deep breath through your nose as you tried to keep yourself together, faintly whispering a broken “Please don’t text or call me.”

Jisung shot up as he watched you get up from his bed, trying to scramble after you as you made your way to his front door, grabbing your belongings on the way. He didn’t realize how much he was already crying until he tried to speak to you, but it all came out in a blubbering sob. “Y/N, please, listen to me…” He begged you to listen to him, pleaded for you to try to understand where this was all coming from and to understand that he still loved you so much despite how selfish his actions are, yet you never gave him a chance.

“Jisung, please. I don’t care why, I don’t want to know,” you croaked between sobs, doing your best to maintain your composure as you faced the front door, refusing to look at him. “I just feel like an idiot. I should’ve listened to what people said about you.”

There you went, leaving his apartment and shutting the door in his face with force, leaving Jisung to confront nothing, but his own cowardice. 

Once again, Jisung fell into the trap of his own self-centered thinking, getting lost in his own immaturity as he became the victim of the circumstances he created. If he had only realized that he wasn't alone in this battle of his own conscience, if he had only realized you would've fought each insecurity and fear with him.

Oh, woe is me, Han Jisung. Only a fool would be afraid of love.

[leilakaro]

Vil Schoenheit X confident!Reader

Falling in love

Yuu!Reader, fem!Reader, romance, fluff, ooc (?)

English is not my first language!

It's not really an os but also not really hcs idk what this is tbh, it was fun tho.

~👑 Vil was instantly infatuated with you, from the very beginning when you walked into the chamber of mirrors with the headmage. You were from a completely different world, surrounded by foreign boys, yet you walked and spoke with such a confident and grace that he just couldn't help but feel attracted to you. It was like your voice alone demanded everyone's attention and respect.

~👑 Vil started to observe you, and he needed to admit that you were quite beautiful, mabye not quite on his level but close. Anyone who looked at you would know that you took good care of yourself. There was never a wrinkle spotted on your outfit, your shiny hair was extremely well kept and your skin was practically glowing. Of course you weren't without "flaws", your skin wasn't completely pimple free, you didn't even fit in the beauty standards but alone the way you carried yourself, took care of yourself even the way you talked, your self-love and your elegance just made you so attractive.

~👑 Everyday you would pass him in the hallways, yet you didn't spare him even one single glance. Did his beauty not attract your attention like yours did with him?

~👑Vil started taking even better care of himself, even more beautiful make up and accessories. Because while he was infatuated with you he just couldn't help but feel the need to compete with you, after all he needed to be the fairest of them all.

~👑 He started getting to know you personally when you befriended Epel. However Epels constant complaining about Vil didn't really make you have an very good impression on him. But you weren't someone that liked to judge others so you started to sit with Pomefiore trio for lunch, making your own opinion up about him.

~👑 In the beginning you really didn't like him. Sure he was gorgeous, but why did he spend so much time criticizing others? Why would he make others feel bad about themselves and try to force his beauty standards and routines onto them?

~👑 Vil naturally started to notice your dislike with him. It wasn't even dislike he just felt like you didn't want to be around him at all. To Vil that was like a slap in his face, was he not beautiful enough? Why would someone nearly as beautiful as he is not want to be around him, you even had the same interest as he had so why?

~👑 As you spend more time around Vil (for the sake of epel not having to suffer alone), you started to figure him out. Vil didn't mean to nag people constantly, he was just trying to help. However, his methods didn't sit right with you.

~👑One day Vil told you, when the two of you were coincidentally alone together, that you were nearly as beautiful as he is. While to him it was a compliment, it left you flabbergasted. Nearly as beautiful as him, did he really feel the need to compare? So you told him exactly what you thought, you explained to him that to you beauty is beyond comparison and so much more then just shallow looks.

~👑 That was the start of your friendship with him because while he never heard an opinion quite like yours, and it was completely new to him, he was everything but childish and instead listened to you talk.

~👑 Over the time you didn't only tell him about your opinion of beauty, you also showed him a whole new meaning of the word beautiful.

~👑 Vil started feeling safe around you, you started to become his safe haven. Around you he didn't feel the need to always wear make up and the most beautiful clothing, to look his absolute best. Around you he felt like even without that, that he was looking his best. You made him feel beautiful, and the need to be the best and compare himself wasn't suffocating him anymore.

~👑 Vil started to tone down his nagging on others, he didn't stop though after all he was still Vil Schoenheit.

~👑 You started to hang out with Vil almost every day, from self care days to movie nights and private fashion shows, just the two of you.

~👑 His infatuation and attraction to you slowly changed to a deep sense of connection and love. He never felt so at ease around a person.

~👑 Now Vil could confidently say that he was in love with you. He wanted to take care of you and show you off the the whole world, as his girl.

~👑 And right now he couldn't wait for you to finally open the door and see him with a beautiful bouquet of your favourite flowers, ready to ask you out on your very first date with him.

———

A little reminder for all the people struggling to find themselves beautiful: You are beautiful. It doesn't matter how little you fit into this crazy beauty standard society has created because what even means the word beautiful? It is so subjective, it's crazy. Please don't beat yourself up about things you can't change about your appearance, it's an unique aspect of yourself, and this unique aspect is what makes you so beautiful. Embrace yourself and love yourself. You're all you have and it's either learn to love yourself and your appearance or hate it for the rest of your life, and I'm sure you don't want that.

A little reminder for the people who tend to compare themselves and get jelaous: Every beautiful thing and aspect you recognise in someone or something you can only recognise because it's already in you. Beauty is beyond comparison. The stars and the moon are beautiful but so is the ocean yet we don't compare their beauty, because it is not even comparable. Both the stars and the ocean are beautiful in their own unique ways and it's the same with us humans. Another's beauty doesn't take away from yours.

A little reminder for the people who tend to overlook the beauty of the mundane aspects of life: I ask you to try and slows down, and look for the beauty in our everyday mundane lifes. We as humans get the most happiness out of these moments, the moments that are filled with love. Recognise the beauty of the laughs from your loved ones, the beauty of sitting with yourself and dancing in the kitchen while you cook and blast your favourite music. There is beauty in everything, just like there is beauty in you. You are a beautiful human being.

Idk Yall personally I think there is smth so beautiful of just being. I hope you all recognize it too🩷🩷

And honestly these are reminders to not be like Vil LMAO

[not-goldy]

https://www.tumblr.com/not-goldy/748392902553649152/httpswwwtumblrcomnot-goldy748386443834048512?source=share

Let's make one thing clear i wasn't the og anon who asked you about the "did jungkook said all those vile things to jm" but i did saw it so i commented on it and i stand by the fact that making fun of someone's looks when the said person is insecure about his looks is "evil" cause it is. The male treat e/o differently bs you can keep to yourself cause teasing is one thing but making fun of someone's insecurity is not the same get that fact clear.

Did i anywhere said jungkook is not jimin's friend? NO i did not so idk exactly what y'all are yapping about. Did i say "And jk is the standard of love for jkkrs" refering to his past self which jkkrs romanticize and glorify? Yes i did. so now what all it means is i said jungkook is not "the partner" for jimin and i never commented on their friendship and there's difference between friendship and romantic relationship. You can't always chose your friends or even best friends as your romantic partner cause you don't feel it and it doens't work like that. Just because someone's friends with you doens't mean you see them as your partner cause you want more and different. Also the ppl who says we make jm looks pathetic nahh bro fact here is it's you who love the "jm fell first jk fell harder" edits not us. Jm is sweetheart with everyone and he especially takes care of his younger ones, he babies V too who's literally 2 months younger than him. Just because jk learned how to be nice over the years doens't mean it can erase what he said when he was 18-19-20 yrs old. He did say all those things to jm it is what it is.

About the anon who said you have been waiting for jm and jk to reveal their partners from 2017 cause ppl said so then you and those people both are dumb cause why on earth would you think they're gonna reveal their partners at their peak?? By revealing their partners i completely mean them officially introducing and CONFIRMING their partners which is also not the case with taennie (i know they dated but they never confirmed so doens't fit in what i mean). Like they debuted in 2013 and you were expecting their partner's official reveal in 2017 cause some ppl said so? Lol. But here i say wait for some more years. Let them get to the age of 35-40 and you'll see. And the list you posted to show how jungkook treats jm can be applied to how jungkook treats other members too then, so maybe he's dating them too (again except one gcft yet). Btw we all did saw jungkook with a woman at night in his apartment, back hugging her....yes he doesn't have a gc now but does that earse the exsistance of that video? The times when jkkrs were like "he's missing his love of life jm" while the guy was having women at his home? Sure. He was missing jm so much that rather visiting jm at any of his sets or anything like other members jungkook was at home doing lives singing songs live..i see how much he was missing. I'm not telling this because i expected that from him it's because y'all make big deal out of nothing.

Anyways, idt y'all gonna be here after those many yrs but if y'all stay I'd love to see that reaction.

Again with the anachronisms

I'm running out of patience here-

When did you find out Jimin was insecure about his looks??? 2013, 2014? 2015 when he was in his hypermasculine state doing 360 flips in the air, flexing his biceps, talking bout girls chasing him, when he was strong confident in his masculinty and showing it off- is this the same year he opened up about his vulnerabilities???

In fact when did Jimin discuss this self image issue???

And when was Jungkook teasing Jimin????

Making fun of his insecurities bitch you're crazy. Lost it. Pulling stuff from your ass get a life cos your whole existence is an illusion.

In your crazy delusional head what did you think was happening???

Poor poor insecure Jimin walking around shy hiding from people explaining to everyone he has body image issues while his younger maknae followed him around pointing to him telling the world his biceps was fake his abs had been drawn on????

Same Jimin who had the hyung line busting their ass off to catch up? Same Jimin whom the company used as a model for the others to emulate Same Jimin whom the company preferred him showcasing his gorgeous body and the others had to work had to attain his level of physique but even that they were still passed over for Jimin???

Same Jimin?????

Use your brains for a sec, with the way he looked and the way he carried himself around who could tell he was feeling insure??? You only know that NOW years forward into the future when he opened up and not the actual moment it was happening.

You think Jungkook would play like that with him if he knew any of that ? And ever since he'd become like that- well as you put it, he's been "nice".

Well well well

Again confirming my diagnosis of you and your kind

"Just because JK has learned to be nice over the years don't erase what he said and did when he was 18 19 20

Actually he was 15, 16, 17 you creep.

Also you are not saying anything we don't know. Like I said WE KNOW HOW YALL WORK you not difficult to figure out.

At least you admitting he's a nice person others of your kind have a hard time admitting that.

If you want to Judge a grown man you claim is nice over his playful ribbings with HIS FRIENDS WHILE HE WAS A MINOR that's your crazy to deal with.

But do tell that to your new recruits and the impressionable minds you try to twist and brainwash like the fine Tuktukker relative you are.

I simply disagree with you. That's all.

I don't see any of what he said and did as malicious. He did it with everyone and especially Taehyung. Jimin simply wasn't comfortable with that which is fine because he's after all not a very typical or traditional male in every sense of the word and how was Jungkook to know he couldn't just toss him around and throw him in the air and break his back like he was doing his other friends.

We all have our idiosyncrasies and I think BTS work so well because they have learned to respect eachother's boundaries- well some of them.

I think if that was Jimins boundaries he is entitled to his boundaries and all anyone can do is respect those boundaries.

But I'm starting to also appreciate why JK solos would equally hate Jimin and Jimin stans like you.

I mean for one he was also constantly disturbing that dude trying to kiss him and bug him when CLEARLY JUNGKOOK ALSO DIDN'T WANT THAT especially as it was done publicly. For an introverted fella I can see how stressful that whole experience must have been for him 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Poor poor guy 🥲

Respect goes both ways Anon.

You can't insist on your boundaries while also constantly pushing someone else's. Especially since Jungkook was the shy type and didn't like being the center of attention. If someone doesn't want to be bothered or doesn't want to be friends with you you leave them alone. You don't act sad about it on camera and inadvertently put your fans on their back.

I'm open to discussing all the toxic things Jimin did as a teen with you since you enjoy living in the past but ll rather redirect you to another toxic Jk solo who is equally stuck in the past as you so you two can take each other out.

For me, jikook grew and I grew with them.

Take care.

[locution-youngster-enjoyer]

💗Granny May

💗The Narrator

💗Leslie

💗Charlie and Meatloaf

Oh sweet Jesus Christ /hj

You’ve opened a whole can of worms with that one, ESPECIALLY for the Narrator

Granny May

I don’t have a lot to say about her because I don’t care that much about her overall, so I don’t have that much to say about her backstory-

She’s been in the villain business for a long long time and was more respected in her younger years. Her husband was also a criminal, but before him she dated Hal Hardbargain, who made her the mech suit she uses. They’re now bitter exes, and constantly fight because they’re cranky old people. Unfortunately, Granny May’s husband passed away, but she Carrie’s on her villain career because it fulfills her.

Granny’s mom is not a villain, and didn’t exactly approve of Granny’s career, but still loves her a lot.

Eugene and Granny don’t really talk anymore after the shorts. Granny is disappointed he gave up on his villain career so early, but otherwise doesn’t focus much on him.

Uhhhh yeah that’s all I got for her, I haven’t really given her much thought lol-

The Narrator

HAAHAHHAHA oh god

Ok so- in my AU headcanon thing (Idfk at this point), there’s three different levels of reality. There’s the irl world (aka us, yes you person reading this), the middle ground, and any fictional world. Narrator’s live in the middle ground, aware they’re fictional but also living out there own lives in some strange form of free will. This means that it’s possible that any narrator from any media could interact, though it’s typically separated between film/tv show narrators, and game narrators.

Also, most of them without canon names just go with whatever name their VA has, so the Narrator would be named Chris.

Chris is happily married to the Powerpuff Girls Narrator (aka Tom)

Time works differently in the fictional reality (aka the whole show of Wordgirl) then it does in the Middle Ground. Time skips that are shown in the show aren’t actual time skips to the Narrators. Chris will literally just walk off and do something else until whatever time is being skipped to. While he can just stick around after an episode, there’s no real reason to, but he sometimes does so anyway because he actually likes his protagonists.

Tom is a whole separate thing so if y’all want me to talk more about these two please let me know. I love ‘em :))

Idk what else to mention, I just like the silly voice guy

Leslie

MY GIRRLLL. I have so much to say about her

In my au, Leslie and Victoria Best have a strange mentor and student relationship.

This is because that Leslie had a very similar childhood to Victoria. The reason she seems to be so multitalented is because as a kid, her parents put her through so many tournaments and extra curricular activities. Kids viewed her as either weird or mean because she was working all the time. Unlike Victoria, Leslie didn’t constantly boast about being the best, but she did have a silent air of superiority.

Until around 8th grade, when a teacher called CPS on her parents. They lost custody of her (because of the horrible shit they would do to her), and she started living with her grandma.

No longer having the constant force telling her to be perfect, Leslie’s mental health and self confidence tanked. It why as an adult she gets stage fright easily.

She went to a really prestigious high school filled with several people with rich families (including some other characters). One of said characters was Claire McCallister, who she quickly befriended (they also dated briefly, but it didn’t really work out, with them leaving on good terms)

Eventually, her high school and another high school participated in an event where they competed with each other, and that’s where Leslie met Lady Redundant Woman, Ms Question, and Mr Big (pre-transition). She specifically hung out and befriended Shelly, and helped him realize he was trans, so for a while they were absolute best buds.

After school, Leslie started working in economics, but was pretty bored with her life, until she heard of a job opportunity as a secretary for an up and coming company. To her surprise, she ends up reuniting with Mr Big.

Mr Big didn’t originally have Mind Control is his company statement, he suddenly got the idea from a random joke Leslie made that he took way to seriously.

Over time, Leslie started to lose her energy for the job and her self esteem started to sink again. The lack of credit and the overworking she received do nothing to help her.

Charlie and Meatloaf

These guys are so silly :]

Meatloaf’s actual name is Joe

These two were roommates in college and were best buds ever since. They both got a job at a construction company together, and they began to befriend a certain Dr Boxleitner who kept calling for their help because he kept blowing up his lab.

Post the accident, Two Brains ‘hired’ them to come work for him, since they were the only people who he knew and who were willing to help.

They’re also in an asexual relationship with each other

[next-autopsy]

A/N: Well, hi there! Okay so Joe needs to apologise asap! This is his attempt I guess… idk what’s happening anymore man

Based on the actors portrayal/hbo show and written with no disrespect to the real life veterans. Also all images found on Pinterest.

TW: I don’t think there are any…

Tags: @malarkgirlypop, @panzershrike-pretz

Made of Glass

Chapter nineteen: An Itchy, Army Issued Blanket 

Their barracks were dark and quiet when the ladies returned. Charlotte was all but dragged to her bed by Connie and Betty, who then immediately started getting ready to pass out on their own cots.

Lucy and Blythe were inseparable, snuggling together on a bed too small for the two of them, by now all the women had noticed the lovey dovey behaviour between them. No one said anything, no one minded. 

Bernadette had spent the entire cab ride sniffling and wiping at her face where stray tears fell. No one had mentioned what had happened with Liebgott, though all of them witnessed it, except Charlotte who was in a world of her own and wouldn’t remember anything from this night. 

She changed her clothes and brushed out her hair, too tired to walk to the bathroom and finish her nighttime ritual. Before Birdie could climb under the covers of her awaiting bed, Frankie made eye contact with her. She shook her half empty pack of smokes at the mousy haired girl and flicked her head toward the door, a silent invitation. 

Bernadette sighed and joined the Italian woman outside. She might feel better if she spoke about what happened. She hadn’t quite figured out why his words got to her so badly, perhaps talking to Francesca could help. They sat on the wooden steps as they usually did. Rossi lit a cigarette and passed it to her friend, then lit her own. 

Francesca wouldn’t push, of course she wanted to know exactly what was said and what tone was used, but she wanted to avoid more tears if possible. Seeing Birdie quietly crying and then trying to pretend everything was okay, upset her more than she cared to admit. 

“I don’t know why I cried.” Her words were void of emotion. Frankie only hummed in response, waiting for her to share what was on her mind. 

“He’s always been kind of mean. I thought he actually hated me…. But then something changed.” Frankie was more than curious, she thought back to the uncomfortable night she watched from the shadows. Rossi liked people watching, she picked up on hidden feelings or underlying vibes easily. Whatever had or hadn't happened between Birdie and Liebgott perplexed her. And apparently, she wasn’t the only one.

“Joe was really… I-I thought maybe, just maybe we could've been friends.” 

“But?” Francesca prompted, eager to hear more of this odd dynamic. 

“But, he thinks I'm the worst.” The words cracked as the downcast woman spoke them, her eyes focused on the floor, her shoulders sagged in defeat, even her bottom lip protruded in a pout. 

“I’m sure that's not true…” The older woman consoled. Bernadette was sweet and witty and an oddly likeable person. Francesca had specifically tried not to make friends with anyone but Birdie managed to wiggle her way into her heart and now she couldn’t imagine not being friends with the little firecracker. 

“No, it is. The words he used were: Arrogant, conceited bitch.” She didn’t even have one second to feel sorry for herself as Frankie instantly counter argued. 

“Ha. You are the least arrogant, conceited person I've ever met. And you're definitely not a bitch.” 

“Not according to him.” Now she was sulking, pouting and feeling sorry for herself. The attitude change was phenomenal. From Francesca’s perspective, Birdie had always been confident. Not overly but enough to tough it out with her self righteous Captain. 

“Why do you care what he thinks of you?” Maybe Rossi would have to give the poor girl some hints, she obviously hasn't picked up on her own feelings for the man who bullied her. It would explain her need for his approval and why his comments affected her the way they did. 

“I-” She couldn’t answer, she didn’t know how. Why did she care so much about what Joseph Liebgott thought of her?  “Because, I- I don’t know.”

“I think I do.” She would have to tell the southern girl, it was her duty as best friend. She couldn’t let her go on like this, it was down right embarrassing. 

“Enlighten me.” 

“You like him.” The George company woman spoke plainly, no point sugarcoating it. 

“What? No, you're way off, he’s so- But he’s- He is a pigheaded jerk. I-I don't like him.” Birdie spluttered, stumbling over her words and giving Frankie an incredulous look. 

“Are you trying to convince me, or yourself? Either way, I don't think it's working.” She paused to let the words sink in, “Come on, you need some sleep.” 

————————

Letting go of Birdie’s arm and watching her walk out the door, surrounded by her girlfriends, caused a pang in Joe’s chest. 

He was at fault and he knew it. Joe didn’t mean the harsh words and he shouldn’t have said those things about her, whether she was listening or not. And now, he sat at the bar, gulping down whatever alcohol came his way. 

“Liebgott?” No answer, he preferred to mope in peace. But Tipper wouldn’t sit by and watch his friend beat himself up over a girl, especially because he had money on the two getting together before they were deployed.

“She’ll come round.” Ed wasn’t really sure what else he could say to soothe the situation. But he had noticed the girl in question harboured feelings for his brooding friend, and he definitely knew Joe felt some type of way about Birdie. 

The issue was getting them to recognise their own fondness of each other and stop messing up. It was like the pair were stuck in blatant denial, not even considering the reason why they were always so drawn to one another, constantly needing to make comments to gain the others attention. To Ed it was transparent, which is why he was so confident about the running bet in Easy company, Joe and Birdie; Will they? Won’t they? 

“I think she hates me now.” 

“What? She didn’t before?” Tip was trying to lighten the mood, but Joe wasn’t having it. He continued to feel sorry for himself, drinking yet another pale yellow beer.

“No… I don't know- she was, we were... It doesn’t matter now.” The alcohol was affecting him, he couldn’t think straight and his words came out as incoherent mumble.

“You should apologise.” 

“You think I don't know that?” Joe’s snark was intact regardless of how much he drank. 

“Hey, I’m just saying.” Ed paused, “If you made a meaningful gesture… something only known between you two…” He trailed off, letting Joe put the rest of the thought together in his mind. 

“Yeah? Like what? In case you didn’t notice, we don't exactly have the best track record.” Liebgott was mad, not at his friend, just in general or at himself. His patience with Tipper’s chit chat was running thin. 

“Well, what do you have?” 

—------------------

While weekend passes were more common now than back in Toccoa, they were still highly sought after. Joe had a plan to smooth over the mishap with Bernadette and it meant spending a precious pass at the library reading, instead of getting shitfaced at a bar. 

He prayed it would work, that Bernadette would forgive him and let his unkind words fade away. Joe had already decided on a place and time and now he needed to convince one of her friends to bring her to the spot. She probably wouldn’t meet him there if he asked, so he’d have to be sneaky. 

Approaching Francesca Rossi was intimidating. She had a reputation of not taking shit from anyone and Joe had hurt seemingly her only friend. Plus, Birdie most likely told the Italian woman about his colossal fuck up, so he doubted she would be on his side. 

“What do you want?” Her eyes narrowed at the man walking toward her.

“I was hoping you would help me with something.” Joe knew he had to be straightforward with the George company woman, put his cards on the table and hope for the best.

“Why?” She hadn’t stopped glaring.

“Look, I’ll be honest. I fucked up, with Birdie. I said some things I’d rather not repeat… And I’m just trying to apologise.” 

“What do you need?” He hadn’t expected it to be that easy, so he stood still for a moment processing, before he explained his plan to her. It felt dumb to say it out loud, but when Rossi gave him a nod and a half smile, promising to do her part, he thought: maybe he was doing the right thing.

“One thing before you go…” Francesca called out to him as he turned to leave, he stopped and looked at the woman over her shoulder.

“Yeah?” 

“You hurt her again…. I will kill you.” There was no hint of a joke in her tone, no curve of her lips. She meant it and she wanted him to know she would follow through. Birdie meant alot to her, she didn’t have many women friends so she would hold onto the southerner for the rest of her life, kill for her, die for her if necessary. 

“I know you will.” 

“Good.”

—----------------

The night came. Joe was nervous. He told himself it was due to all the facts he had to memorise and his anxiety was about messing up in front of an expert. 

Something in the back of his head said her name and the idea of his nerves coming from his need to impress this specific woman ran through his brain. Maybe it was a little bit about Bernadette, but he couldn’t dwell on it too much. He had places to be and apologies to set up. 

—--------------------

Francesca was good at keeping secrets and hiding things. So when the time came, Birdie suspected nothing. Frankie told her friend she needed her help with something and led her outside and into the dark with no explanation. Birdie didn’t question it, Francesca wouldn’t steer her wrong, she trusted the woman with everything she had.

After a few minutes of walking, the two women came upon a clearing with an olive green, Army issued blanket laid down upon the grass. A gas lantern lit up the immediate area.

Just as Bernadette began to wonder what was going on, Liebgott came into view, stepping into the light that shone from the source on the floor. Birdie’s jaw hung, she looked between the man and her friend who had brought her here, feeling somewhat betrayed. 

“Frankie? What the hell?” Were the words she finally managed to get out. 

“You got two options, Birdie. Stay here and hear him out… or we walk away. I’ll punch him in the throat too, if you want.” All three of them considered the words carefully. 

“Fair.” Joe shrugged, knowing he deserved it. 

Francesca eyed the younger woman as she pondered her options. She knew the outcome, it was plain to see which one Birdie would go for, the look on her face said it all.

She was curious, Joe intrigued her beyond words and even though he had said some things that hurt Birdie, she still craved his attention, to be around him, to listen to whatever he was about to say. 

Bernadette didn’t have to say it, she just gave Frankie a look and the black hair woman was on her way, not before shooting Liebgott a stern glare. 

“I didn’t mean it.” Joe broke the silence that was growing between the two. 

“But you still said it.” She couldn’t let him get away that easy. 

“I know… I shouldn’t’ve. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” 

“Well, don’t let me stop you.” Birdie had already decided she’d forgive him but she wanted to drag it out, see him sweat. She knew first hand how scary Frankie could be, the fact that he had talked her into this project of his was apology enough in her books. 

“I am so sorry, Birdie.” His words were genuine, he truly was sorry. He would have said it a hundred more times if she wanted him too. His pride aside, he wanted her to know it. Talking about her like that was not something that would be repeated. Hurting her had hurt him, maybe Tipper was right, maybe his feelings for her ran deeper than he thought. 

He wanted to be her friend of course, she was always so smiley and happy, it was easy to get along with her. Joe enjoyed his time around her, even before, when all the words they said to each other were dipped in sarcasm. He actually enjoyed the witty comebacks she came up with, he liked that she wouldn’t let anyone walk over her. She always had something to say and he found himself wanting to listen more and more as time went on. 

“What’s that for?” Birdie nodded her head to the blanket, trying to steer away from acknowledging the apology. 

“Huh? Oh..” Lieb looked behind him, “Come here, sit. I want to show you something.” He sat and patted the empty space next to him. Birdie followed instruction and lowered herself onto the itchy blanket. 

Joe leaned back, propping himself up with one arm and pointing skyward with the other. Birdie copied his stance, turning her chin up and watching where he pointed to. 

“See that? That’s the Little Dipper-“ Birdie’s attention was pulled from the stars above them and to the guy casually dropping constellation names. 

“Wait… it actually is… how did you know that?” She imagined Joe, head in a book, studying star clusters so he would have something to talk to her about and it made her stomach flip. Had he really done something like that for her? She was vaguely aware that he didn’t care for studying or reading novels, so if he had done that it was solely for her benefit. 

Lieb let his arm drop, turning his head to face her. The eye contact made Birdie want to twirl a strand of hair with her fingers and giggle like a schoolgirl- Damn, maybe Francesca had been right about her liking Joseph Liebgott. 

“Magic.” His face was stoic and serious as he whispered the word to her, like it was a secret. Then, his infamous smirk broke onto his face and Bernadette couldn’t help but grin back at him, the butterflies in her tummy were going crazy, but she tried to play it cool. 

“Ah okay. I see: This is your apology? Impressing me with your new found knowledge of the stars?” Said with feigned disinterest. Joe hadn’t stopped watching her, her mannerisms were endearing. Yes, he definitely wanted to be friends with this girl. 

“It depends.” He broke eye contact, attempting to give his heart a moment to catch up. 

“On what?” The country woman had completely forgotten about the twinkly lights above them, something else was far more interesting at this moment. 

“Is it impressing you?” 

It most definitely was. Joe pointed out several well known constellations and even gave a couple backstories. Birdie already knew everything he was telling her but she humoured him and listened with interest at the tales he told her. 

At one point the two lay down for a better view of the starry black sky. Their arms brushed up against one another and neither attempted to move away. They ignored the shared touch, pretending it wasn’t happening but the pair could feel exactly where their bodies met and they revealed in the warmth. 

A/N: does his apology suffice? I think stargazing is going to be a Birdie/Lieb thing from now on.

I love hearing from you guys, so please feel free to comment or dm me!

~ next-autopsy ~

Chapter twenty

[eddieydewr]

I'm not the anon who asked you about Millie but I wanted to add a comment... Millie said something about how she couldn't wait for ST to end because it was preventing her from working on other things and rumor has it people affiliated with the show were upset with her. I don't think this slashed her screen time. I don't think El is a main character the way the fandom makes her out to be. She isn't the focus of the show so I think this was always going to happen. But I think Millie said that because El wasn't the focus and she was forced to realize that by the time S5 came around and was annoyed about it.

I find it interesting that she is getting paid more than anyone else even though she is barely in next season. It makes me wonder if they paid her so that she wouldn't say more dumb shit in interviews when she is promoting the show. I get the impression she likes to be the star and the center of everything and never had a good grasp of what the show was about. Also from the little I have heard about her parents they seem to think she is the greatest actress of all time but she isn't actually better than anyone else in the cast. I think it messed with her head. She didn't make the show what it is. Millie just strikes me as someone who needs to be front and center and sounds kind of hard to get along with tbh. I don't get the impression she gets along with most of the cast either. She let the fans (particularly younger fans) convince her she was the lead when she wasn't and then got annoyed when the story started wrapping up and she wasn't in focus so she said a dumb thing. But I doubt the writers would be petty enough to cut her screen time because of it (she says a lot of questionable things in interviews that make me wonder how well she is following the show. And is also really rude to Finn a lot). Will was always the focus of the story regardless of what Millie does.

bestie. bestie,

i have to agree and disagree lol i get why people would feel that way about millie but idk if you’ve seen my previous asks about millie’s family but i tend to blame her parents. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little girl being confident and while i don’t know how she felt about everything she’s been through growing up, it’s obvious her parents inflated her… idk, i don’t want to say ego because i feel like that’s a weird thing to say about children in general? but it’s possible she thought she was important and the main focus of the show. — otoh, i don’t like how she started to feel small for talking ~too much~ during press bc she spoke the same amount as the boys. it’s giving misogyny. especially when sadie joined the cast and people are like omg why can’t millie be classy and demure like sadie… what 😭 i thought millie had great energy as a kid and while she’s definitely still extroverted like her bestie noah, she seems like she has to be composed… although she’s been coming out of her shell more since getting engaged. i hope that means she has more self agency and isn’t being controlled by her family, but at the same time, they’re always around her even nowadays. THEY LIVE NEXT DOOR. and it seems like millie is stuck with netflix for a while longer. idk much about the electric state but it’s supposed to have potential for a great adaption and to perform well at box office, but it’s being released on netflix?? all because daddy brown says so. fock that grifting loser.

i understand why millie is ready to move on from ST but i don’t think she meant it in a negative way, she’s just ready to grow up. she’s married now so it must be weird to be portraying a character who is 14-17, or however old el is supposed to be in s5. when people gave her shit for saying she doesn’t watch movies, i don’t exactly blame her. she was pretty much forced into the acting industry and yeah, she obviously enjoyed it for a while before reality caught up with her. i believe she’s fond of the show, if her 011 tattoo is anything to go by, but it must be a reminder that she only got famous because her dad is jobless and wanted to get rich quick after all his other schemes and business ventures flopped. he’s also the reason millie gets paid more than the rest of the kids. he’s such a scrub 😭

how is millie rude to finn btw?

thenks for sending this btw, i hope i’m not coming across as harsh or angry lmao idk why because i’m a very different person but i can relate to millie and feel angry on her behalf because her relatives are an absolute shower of cunts and idek if she’s aware of it … but i also get why some people find her off putting. as long as they don’t go too far fjfjsk cos she’s not that awful, surely.

[beepsparks]

Okay. Imagine the YDKJ hosts (you can count Bob in, if you want) but their personalities are the complete opposites of what you HC them to be

1:06 am, 4/28/2024

Ooh now this would make for an interesting AU idea…. Might actually doodle this at some point

This is long as hell… wee

Guy would have the most obvious and craziest change, being that he’d be WAY more unfriendly, mean, and possibly angry with just a TOUCH of maybe.. lazy (considering it’s usually hard to get Guy to actually be angry over something and not just his usual reaction to being upset, where in the games which seems to be just CRYING OVER IT), so uh, try to avoid him. You don’t want a man that could snap you in half to be angry at you!!

Now one may assume I’m gonna make Schmitty overly nice, but he IS a nice man given the chance, he’s just grumpy at times and has anger issues, so I’d say if his personality was swapped, he’d probably become hyperactive. Since I normally see him as somewhat calm and a tiny bit laid back (idk sometimes it’s hard to figure out people’s personalities for me diebjebr), if Schmitty’s personality was swapped, he would act like he’s just had 10 cups of coffee and he could fight god, probably pisses off Guy a lot. Also he’d probably talk like that one line in YDKJ TV where Schmitty tries to mimic that really fast commercial voice you hear all the time in TV ads. Also since this is the host of QUIPLASH I guess I should mention his humor, normally Schmitty would laugh at dumb jokes, but if his personality was swapped, you gotta tell him the most clever, well-thought-out joke in all of mankind or else he’ll suddenly stop and stare at you like you did something really weird.

Nate would probably be all “I don’t care anymore”, wouldn’t bother to get himself ready for anything and probably shows disinterest in basically everything (when normally Nate would at least TRY to look energized or something), try to talk to him about ANYTHING and he’d probably be IGNORING whatever you’re saying. Idk tho, again it’s hard for me to EXACTLY catch onto character personalities lol.

Buzz is a difficult one… I know for one thing, he’d probably be way more reserved about his interests and may even attempt to hide them. Maybe he’d be quicker to snap if someone wasn’t treating him right rather than bottle it up and THEN snap? Now this is more based on my experience playing volume 2, but personality-swapped Buzz would probably be a little more mean, too (since he doesn’t even try to insult me in that game tbh). Not sure how his self esteem would be, though… he could either think he’s better than all of the hosts, or he could think he’s the worst host in history. Maybe he swaps between the two constantly, who knows.

Cookie I tend to imagine as a man who’s ego is through the roof, and he’s willing to verbally kick people down in order to keep that confidence. (Idk if that counts as a personality trait tho) So if Cookie’s personality was swapped, this man would be absolutely pathetic and think he’s awful at everything. Also since he hosts Fibbage, I suppose another thing is that he’d be an awful liar. Also he’s probably way less unhinged than normal Cookie is. Despite I’ve seen a lot of Cookie clips, his personality, like the others, can be pretty complex so it’s hard for me to exactly hit the mark lol.

I suppose I’ll throw in Bob bc why not, even if I don’t know much about him or his personality yet… probably doesn’t try too much, either, doesn’t like bright colors, and likely is into REALLY OLD STUFF rather than whatever aesthetic he’s got going on + “whatever the kids seem to like these days so I look more relatable and entertaining”

[concretepuppy]

Hey, I wanted to ask if you'd recommend phallo to someone without dysphoria who's like 90% cis? I just kind of want a dick from time to time, but it doesn't affect my sex life or distress me that I don't. I'd also like a cis-looking and feeling dick (idk why but I would probably get dysphoria from a dick that was obviously made with phallo) so idk. Transphobes fearmonger a lot so it kind of scares me to make the jump. And idk if major surgery is worth it to satisfy something I'd live my life perfectly fine without doing...

i’m a huge proponent of cis people getting bottom surgery if it makes them happy. i talk quite a lot about how i think a lot of cis stone butches in particular would probably be a lot happier of they had a sensate penis to use for sex, bc i have had quite a few stones complain to me about how they wish they could feel it when they use a strap. it’s ok to get bottom surgery just for sex.

why exactly do you want a dick? what do you want out of it? do you want it for sex? do you think you would have better self image if you had one? do you want to be able to pee from it? do you want balls? do you want to keep your current genitals? there are a lot of considerations to make. i’d start by making a list of all the things that make you want a dick, and then all the potential cons.

i would encourage you to examine why you think you would feel dysphoric about having a phallo dick—what about them is so different from a natal penis? what are the aspects of a natal penis that you feel you’d miss with a phallo penis? have you seen a long-healed phallo dick w medical tattooing? have you ever interacted w a phallo dick irl? i’d also ask you to check your beliefs about what phallo dicks look like. these both have a lot of layers of transphobia and body shaming to unpack.

phalloplasty is a major surgery. it’s permanent in that you’d have to find a surgeon willing to do penectomy on a phallo patient to get it removed, which would likely be very difficult. but it’s not the huge, scary thing people make it out to be. most people just have 6-8wks of recovery (and maybe even shorter for later stages depending on what you’re getting done) and that’s it. the hardest part for me was stage 1 movement restriction, but that was 5 years ago and it’s over with now. if you think you’d be happier getting phallo, then by all means pursue it. it’s not like it’s a fast process, so even if you started contacting surgeons today you’d still have at least 12-18mo to think about it.

also keep in mind that navigating the process will be much more difficult unless you lie and say you’re a trans guy (or in the states at least most of the big name phallo surgeons are familiar enough w nonbinary people that they dont bat an eye abt it, so you could use that). i cant imagine most reputable phallo surgeons here would agree to do surgery for a person who openly IDed as cis (tho i could be wrong, i dont have direct experience w any team other than OHSU so it’s just me guessing based on other ppls anecdotes) and i have even less confidence that insurance would cover it. but it’s fine to lie and say you’re a trans dude if that’s what it takes to get the surgery or hormones or whatever you need. i didnt tell my surgical team i was bigender until stage 3, and i specifically told them to just list me as a trans man in claims. the OHSU team is really great about stuff like that, but other teams might not be.

[likeadevils]

I think Taylor gave us too much credit and thought that we would be able to understand that TTPD is partly fictional….3 “fictional” albums in she thought we would be seasoned by now but we are too caught up in which song is about who. Like CLEARLY albatross bolter cososom fortnight is fictional lets all be real

i agree i don't love how much analysis of the album (and all of taylor's work) centers around the muses-- its one of the reasons why i started researching timeline stuff, so i could view the development of her craft and how she talked about it on the work's merit alone

that being said, the album is about her? like some parts of the album are lightly fictionalized-- i don't think taylor swift was abducted by aliens or is a literal plastic doll, and clearly the small town church in bdilh and the bar in i can fix him are stand-ins for the internet. but for the most part i think it's exactly what she was going through? the songs you picked especially

the albatross is just about people being wary of getting to know her due to her reputation but when those same people are cancelled she is able to help them (i wouldn't be surprised if it's inspired by matty coming under fire for dating her but idk if the timeline matches up)

the bolter is single/self-confident the archer

chloe et al is one of the most personal songs on the album? like i'm shocked you think it's fictional? it's guilty as sin without the horny like it's just pure anguish. like please tell me why you think chloe is fictional i can't see it

i did a whole ask about fortnight here but tldr i think it's a dramtized version of the exact story the album tells-- she was stuck in a loveless, long term relationship, and pining after someone in the periphery of her life

i can see an alternate reailty where she stayed with joe and released some of ttpd as a concept album about like, yearning or something? unfufilled dreams? but i don't think that means the songs aren't an accurate reflection of her emotional state while writing the album, i just think she was going to stretch the truth a bit if she needed to.

[spacebobastories]

Treat you Right

Mafia!Köing x OC

Author’s note: *deep sigh* you know that feeling of wanting to write any thought in your head? Yeah, that’s what this is. Idk if I want to make this a mini series or not, but it’s definitely more of an indulgence than anything else. A self-insert if you will. Cause I was at work and I was like “why not just make a self insert series?” Idk, I like have to get this out of my system.

So, it’s a self insert meaning…well me! It’s set in the modern times and well, it’s about Mafia!Koing who wants a sugar baby. Look, this might be stupid but I cannot stop thinking about it and I can’t really draw or I would be drawing Mafia!Koing all the freaking time lol.

Warnings: none that I can think of. Except my thirsty ass wanting Koing 😂 so maybe some light NSFW on my part.

********

*I knew this was a stupid ass idea.* Alicia thought as she sat awkwardly at the bar. The club was loud, hot, and smelled of sex and too much liquor. She was definitely out of her element as she sat at the bar, trying to not break down and cry from overstimulation and anxiety. Her friends that she came here with left her at the bar because she didn’t want to dance, too awkward and shy to even dance. The woman wasn’t exactly…small. Alicia was fat, she had a large stomach that slightly hung down, big thighs that became bigger when she sat down and arms that were flabby.

Did she try and work out and do all those diets, you bet your ass she did. She tried hard, but it was never enough. And with her five days straight of working at retail, it was hard to find the time. Especially since she worked night shift. Alicia was very much an introvert, a homebody. Preferring to stay at home and play games on her PC. So *why* was she here? Because she wanted to check the club box on her bucket list.

Growing up, the woman never really had friends. In fact, it was hard for her to make friends as she liked things that were typically for ‘nerds’ Anime, video games, wrestling, etc. So, going out and making friends was hard, especially since she didn’t really know how to talk to people. It has gotten much better since she graduated high school and college, making some friends but it never lasted after school. She had one best friend, but he was a complete asshole most of the time and while she loved to spend time around him, he was a guy. And she never really had any girl friends.

So coming out with friends from work was supposed to be a brilliant idea…until it wasn’t. She was uncomfortable with people touching her she didn’t know, uncomfortable in large crowds. It was like she didn’t really know how to…interact with others. Men usually didn’t want to talk to her because of how quiet she was…but she also had an idea as to why they didn’t look at her. Because she was unattractive. No man wanted to be with a bigger girl. The brunette looked more like her dad, he’s African American, dark skin and thick hair. Although he’s bald now, but she got his height, hair thickness and his smile. Her eyebrows are naturally thick, thicker than most but she likes them as it fits her face. Her mother is Puerto Rican, Alicia had her eyes and personality. As her mother was more introverted than her father.

Alicia had actually went out of her comfort zone to be here. She got all dolled up with new goddess braids that stopped at her mid back, make up and nails done. She even shaved *everything.* The miniskirt stopped at her mid thighs, but was riding up more as she sat on the stool. The top was just a regular black shirt, but the sleeves were short and it showed off a little of her belly. They were a little uncomfortable as she wasn’t used to wearing them along with the black kitten heels. But she wanted to look good and when she looked in the mirror earlier, she had confidence. But now…Alicia swallowed thickly, holding back tears of frustration and self pity. She was fed up with being left out and while she didn’t mind it some times, having it happen all the time was mentally draining.

Alicia sighed deeply, fidgeting with the half empty glass. She had one fruity drink but that was about it, not really feeling up to drinking anymore. *Might as well text James to pick me up.* she thought with a frown, knowing he was going to say “I told you so.” She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down, already feeling her throat start to tighten as she was close to tears.

“Why the sad face, kleine Maus?” A voice beside her made the woman flinch and she quickly looked to her right, only to gasp lightly as she had to look up at the tall man before her. The man standing beside her was quite *large.* He looked to be standing around 6’10, making her crane her neck to even look at him. The black suit he had on hugged his body in all the right places and she felt her mouth water at the thought of touching those large arms of his. He had a black surgical mask over his mouth, hiding most of his face. But, what really drew her in were his eyes. They were this gorgeous brown, almost black color that looked at her with…softness? Maybe something else, she couldn’t tell. He had dark brown hair which was shaved a little on the sides, making the top of his hair stand out. It had a nice look to it.

“O-oh! Um, do I look sad?” She stuttered out stupidly, not expecting anyone to even talk to her. This was the first man that had came up to her in the entire hour she was here.

He nodded lightly, eyes crinkling lightly and she knew he was smiling under the mask.

“Ja. I noticed you sitting here by yourself. Why is a pretty little thing like you by yourself?” She felt herself flush and tense, not really knowing what to say or do.

“Oh, um,” she had to look away from him and back down at her glass. “Kind of got left behind by some friends. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a club.” She had to project her voice a bit as the music was still pounding loudly above.

“Mm, then they aren’t your friends.” He moved to sit down beside her and she clenched her hand around the glass. *Crap, he’s sitting down next to me! What do I do?!* she panicked as she awkwardly kept her gaze on her glass.

“Ah, I don’t think so! They just wanted to dance and I didn’t want to so…yeah.” She lamely finished and cringed slightly. *I am such a lame. Can’t even talk to a cute guy…* she thought as she swallowed thickly.

“You are a very beautiful woman. You should have men swarming you.” Alicia couldn’t help but scoff softly, shaking her head lightly.

“Nah, if that were the case, I would have tons of guys numbers.” She muttered and glanced over at the man, feeling her heart skip a beat as he still had his eyes on her.

“I’m Köing.” He reached out with his big hand and she stared at it for a moment before turning and placed her hand in his.

“I’m Alicia, it’s nice to meet you, Köing.” Her breath hitched and she stared at him in pure shock as he lifted her hand to his clothed mouth, pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

“And it’s a pleasure to meet a woman as yourself. Would you like to go somewhere more quiet so we can talk?” Warning bells were going off in her head as she watched him, but that was just her paranoid self talking. He hadn’t done anything to make her uncomfortable. She nodded her head lightly “Sure!” She hoped she didn’t come off as eager, not really expecting anything out of it.

Köing stood up and helped her down from the stool. He placed a hand on the middle of her back, keeping her close as he guided her to the VIP section of the club and Alicia honestly couldn’t believe she was coming here. *Don’t people who have money come here?* thoughts moved through her head a mile an hour as she quickly glanced at the bodyguards who opened the red rope for them.

“Much better, I can hear your beautiful voice now, Alicia.” She liked the way he said her name, her heart beating fast and hard against her chest as she wiped her sweaty palms.

“Yea-yeah! It is much quieter back here.” She couldn’t help but stutter out of nerves as she was lead to a large booth. The VIP section was a little further in the back, but still could be seen from the bar. So, it wasn’t like she was in a closed off section.

“Um,” she started as she sat down, cringing at the leather against her thighs. Köing hummed softly, listening to her and she shifted nervously beside him.

“I ah…don’t really like…” she huffed softly, trying to get her words out “I’m not really like…a hooker or anything. So, I don’t really feel comfortable doing anything…” she had her purse in her lap, fidgeting with the white strap.

Köing was quiet as he looked down at her with surprise before he snorted and laughed. It was a nice, loud laugh and it made her jump in surprise. “Oh kleine maus, I didn’t bring you back here for that! I really did want to talk to you.” He laughed as he reached out to place a hand on her lower back.

Alicia stared up at him with surprise and slight disbelief. “Really?” She asked, feeling a little silly she even had to bring that up.

“Really. Unless you really wanted to do anything. I’m just here to talk.” He chuckled and she let out a deep sigh, relaxing more next to him.

“Oh, okay.” She smiled and he smiled down at her, his hand still on the small of her back, it was warm.

“Do you want anything to drink? Or eat?” He asked and she realized how hungry she actually was.

“Oh yeah, I can definitely eat.” She said and he chuckled as he nodded his head. “Alright, you can order anything you want.”

“And she completely lost her shit because we couldn’t let her out the front door.” Alicia laughed as she leaned against Köing who chuckled at her story. “She sounded like such a bitch.” Alicia snickered and nodded her head.

“She was! All because she couldn’t go out through the front door, even though two managers had to tell her the doors only open one way.” She sighed out while snuggling more into his side. He smelled so good and she felt so comfortable around him. “Why don’t you look for another job?” He asked and the brunette sighed deeply, shaking her head lightly.

“I haven’t found anything. I’ve been applying and no one gets back to me.” She looked down at his arm around her waist and she reached down to take his hand, placing her hand against his. “So big…” she muttered and smiled as he closed his fingers with hers.

“Do you need any help?” His voice was quiet and she tilted her head to look up at him, surprise swirling in her eyes.

“Help? Like…money wise?” She asked and immediately thought of him becoming her sugar daddy. But then that would mean giving him sugar. She really wasn’t used to giving anyone kisses or anything. She kind of was a virgin, she knew of masturbating but it was more of clit orgasms.

“Yes, you don’t have to accept it now, just think about it.” He said as he leaned down to place a covered kiss on her cheek. She felt her cheeks become warm and shyly looked away. “Okay…um I’ll think about it.” She looked down as her phone began to ring and it was James.

“Oh my god! I didn’t realize how late it was!” She gasped, finally realizing the club was close to closing and James was waiting for her.

“You know what they say, time flies when you’re having fun.” He said and she laughed lightly, answering her phone.

“James! I am so sorry, I didn’t realize how late it was….yeah, I’m okay! I met someone. No! Asshole…yeah you can come pick me up now. Mhm…talk to you soon.” She hung up and sighed, not wanting to leave Köing so soon. “I really thought this night would be horrible…but it was nice. I had fun talking with you.” She smiled and felt a shiver go down her spine as those thick fingers went under her chin and lifted her head to look at him.

“And I had a nice time too, liebling. May I have your number?” He asked and she could hear the nervousness in his voice.

Alicia smiled and nodded her head “of course you can.” She happily said as she looked away and grabbed her phone, putting his name and gave her phone to him.

Alicia hummed happily as Köing gave her phone back, his phone number now in her phone. “He should be here in five minutes.” She said as she began putting her shoes back on then snuggled back up against Köing who chuckled softly.

“You’re so cute…can I kiss you?” He asked and she looked up at him, heart pounding against her chest. She swallowed thickly and nodded her head “yeah, you can.” She whispered and watched as he reached up to pull down his mask.

Now with his face fully exposed, she saw that handsome, with a Roman nose and a scar above his lip. “Wow…you’re so handsome…” she breathed and let out a small sound as he cupped her cheek. She was a little nervous, not really knowing what to do.

“Relax, kleine Maus, I’m not going to bite.” She gave a nervous giggle as she sat up a little, looking up at him with hooded eyes.

“Sorry…not used to being held this way.” Her voice was soft and he smiled.

“I’ll treat you right, Alicia.” She closed her eyes as their lips met, it was odd at first since she hadn’t kissed someone…ever. It was her first kiss, so she was getting used to it.

The woman made a soft sound as he pulled her onto his lap, she sighed in the kiss, shifting on his lap to become more comfortable. Their lips moved together in a dance only they would know and she liked it. She reached up to loosely wrap her arms around his broad shoulders, a soft giggle escaped her as he pulled her even closer. Alicia pulled away after a few seconds and bit her lip, looking up at him with a small smile.

He looked down at her like she was the only woman in the world and she liked that look. A lot.

“Wow…that was amazing. Can…I have another kiss?” He chuckled and leaned down to capture her lips in another soft kiss, holding her close to him. Alicia did feel him shift beneath her, gasping softly as she felt hips bulge press against her clothed pussy. She pulled away and looked up at him with surprise and he was actually blushing but didn’t look away.

“Sorry, libeling. You’re so beautiful and soft I can’t help it.” Alicia swallowed again as she could feel the warmth shooting straight to her pussy but decided this was definitely not the place for her first time.

“It’s okay, can we stop here?” She asked and was grateful when he nodded his head and let her get off of him.

“I’m sorry, I…want to get to know you better before I go any farther. But I do like the kisses.” She happily said as she fixed her skirt and stepped back as he stood up. He smiled down at her and leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“I understand. I don’t want you to think I’m just using you. I would like to get to know you better too.”

Alicia was giddy all night as she finally got home, humming happily as she laid in bed with her large squish mellow next to her.

Köing ended up giving her $500 in cash just because he had fun with her. Her eyes almost popped out of her head when he gave it to her, she wanted to give it back saying it was too much, but he insisted.

*so he is my sugar daddy I guess?* she thought as she rolled over and held her squishmellow to her chest, yawning widely as she began to drift off. But her phone dinged and she turned around to grab it off the night stand.

Köing ❤️: I had a lot of fun tonight, liebling, when are you free next?

Me: me too, Köing! I’m free Sundays and Mondays since I work Tuesdays through Saturdays. Retail sucks :(

Köing ❤️: aw, I know, libeling, but we can do something Sunday. I can take you out to a restaurant downtown.

Me: that sounds like a lot of fun! How does 1 sound for you?

Köing ❤️: ja, that is perfect. I’ll see you Sunday. Sleep well, Alicia.

Me: you too Köing!

Alicia placed her face in the pillow and squealed, kicking her feet on the bed. She couldn’t believe this was happening! This Sunday she would be going out with Köing. “Wait…! I need something cute to wear. Mmmm, I’ll call in tomorrow to go shopping.” She yawned as she plugged her phone back up and turned over. This was one hell of a night, she was glad she got out of her comfort zone and went to the club.

What do you guys think? Should I make a second part or even make it into a mini series? I honestly don’t know lol.

[deeisace]

Hm. Anxiety approaching critical levels.

I'm just sat at home can my brain shut the fuck up for once puhlease

Anyway basically I have a continual nonsense about how if anyone online ever met me they'd not like me, y'know, cs I'm. Anxious, basically lmao

Awkward

Like, I'll either talk too much about various nothing-y subjects, cs I'm full of nerves, or, I'll not talk at all cs I'm too nervous to say words, y'know, and I'm too autistic to remember to pull the right faces all the time, and

Pfffft

Like, I have IRL friends, tho they're all people I know through work and so they're all kinda stuck with me

I just. I find it so difficult to imagine that people actually would like me how I am in person? Instead of what I try to project online? I mean I never ever lie, I just,, try to project more confidence than I in fact have, y'know? I'm an awkward mess otherwise, like of course I'm far too much to bother with

And I don't go out or do anything except work, really, so there's not a lot of chance to prove my stupid self wrong is there?

Tho I have been um pleasantly surprised, talking online this past um how long like when um I want to say five months but idk if that's right exactly um it's really really nice and I should probably have more words than "lovely 🥹🥰"

Anyway anyway blah blah somebody shut me up now please

[writingkitten]

Hi, Kitten!

I just saw your post about loving us and I wanted to tell you that I see you as my friend too; I'm introverted and I just have 2 best friends and other 2 people who are becoming my friends, so it's kinda hard for me to have friends and, of course, I'm single.

My point is that I'm not that good with all the social shenanigans, but you're fics and blurbs always make my day better and make me feeo really good.

Thank you for everything, Kitten, I love you too, my friend 🫶🥰

-🐾

My lovely 🐾, this means the world to me. Honestly, I’m very bad at social stuff too, as I tend to annoy people with my… I guess myself. Idk exactly what it is, tbh, but yeah it’s difficult for me to make friends irl. I have a few friends, but I rarely see them, especially since my car accident, because that has made it difficult to go out and do things. I also just don’t have a lot of self confidence. And, of course, I’m single, too, so it can be very lonely.

Anyways, the point is you and everyone else on here are my main interactions, and it makes me so happy to talk to you, laugh with you, thirst of Fred with you, and everything else we do on here. I look forward to the evenings or weekends when a lot of people are off from work just because I get to talk to you more.

You, 🐾, and everyone else on here are wonderful. Thank you so much for all the love and support 🥹🥹🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

[tordenvejr]

how can i make new friends in adulthood ? i always come off as weird or clingy or i always try to make a move on people when i get drunk around them lol i try to not get drunk. have u ever been so lonely that you talk to urself ? i really need friends im so lonely. im seriously thinking about hurting myself im that lonely and alone im scared of myself too sometimes in those times you know. my mom and dad are real distance we never talk so i have nobody to talk to. i guess im scared to get close because i always end up pushing people away before they leave me. idk but im scared right now im scared today for a new day. i know that i wont hurt myself i just need someone to talk to. im lonely and just lonely. but how do u personally make new connections in adulthood ? sorry to have bothered you if this is a stupid message lol bye.

for the life of me i cannot understand why people come to me for friendship advice 🐌 i am a hermit too! but i'll do my best to answer your questions 🌤️

immerse yourself in what you love, express of what you love, seek out what you love and when you stumble into others with similar loves, be brave despite the fear of vulnerability, allow yourself the opportunity of connection and let the reaching for that be worth it even if you are rejected.

do you know that you come off as weird and clingy? or is that a judgement that you're putting on yourself, and you speaking for other people?

try to be comfortable in the space between separation and deep intimacy, i can speculate that wanting that intimacy as fast as possible (in the context of 'making a move') may be a way to protect yourself from the discomfort of not knowing how they feel about you, and it's a way to make yourself feel safe.

i talk to myself all the time, that isn't a bad or a weird thing, some of us just do that. why not confide in one of your oldest friends? why not take up space?

the echoes of other people's past cruelty towards you, in your voice towards yourself, is only going to broaden your pain, and it's only going to make you feel more lonely. challenge it when it comes, offer new ways of thinking about yourself, agree to only speak with malicious words towards yourself once a day - it's better than all the time.

you have to make a choice, will you continue destroying yourself or will you nourish yourself? if you feel as if you do not deserve nourishment then that is a separate wound to care of, but while it may feel like an obstacle in your decision, it is not. make your choice regardless of how you feel about yourself. it has to start somewhere, and when you make this choice, to sustain yourself, hurting yourself is not an option. so what will you do instead?

ask yourself, are you scared of yourself or have you just been scared so long that you have begun to think that it is of you? does the distrust belong to you, or is it others own projected self-distrust?

when there is a longing for your parents that cannot be sated or met, that means that there is a loss of something important, and when there is a loss there is a grief to be had. allow the grief to take space, when you feel called to. everything may be too overwhelming right now, but give yourself the grace of caring for it and allowing it to hurt when a wave of hurt, loneliness, neglect washes over you. waves and clouds always pass.

why do you push them away? what are you afraid will happen? are you anticipating a repeat of a past wound, maybe even related to how you were raised? the present it not the past, and should something painful happen in the present you are more capable in dealing with it than you ever were before. are you afraid that people will find something in you and deem you unworthy? identify exactly what you are afraid will be found, and then describe exactly why that quality or aspect is one that you possess? and define why it is bad? not what you fear will happen, but why is that quality bad? who decided that?

tend to your nervous system, regulate it every day, allow presence to begin to take up more space than fear.

give up on your defense of avoidance, so that people can come in and be by your heart.

why would you messaging me be a bother? why would you genuinely asking for advice be stupid? promise me no more 'lol byes' 🧸 you do not need it when you're ready to show up authentically. give up expecting rejection and mistreatment. you are strong, you are not at the mercy of me or anyone else. love u 🤝☀️