#idk if im actually using this bc i have a dark type already

[vaugarde]

guys its ok, turo doesnt stand a chance

i have a secret weapon

[slashpaws]

if i don't play the glitched attraction right now i will die

[sturnioz]

"don't feel nothin' towards the kid" huh. well maybe shy!reader overheard him say that n gets rlly sad bc she's falling for him :(( n when fratboy!chris tries to talk to her she shuts down because she thinks he doesn't like her :/ idk i'm hungry for some angst

note. kinda went long n angsty on this one. i am sorry (im not actually im really not)

you shouldn't be upset. truthfully, a part of you knows you have no right to feel this way. your friend had warned you from the start that chris wasn't the relationship type — that he prefers meaningless hook-ups over commitments and feelings.

but hearing him say it blatantly out loud, it stung, tearing through you like a jagged knife. the weight of his words settled on you heavily, each syllable echoing in your mind, and you felt your sensitive heart shatter into pieces., leaving a hallow ache in your chest and a lump in your throat, tight and suffocating.

your tears were already spilling over and dripping down your cheeks as you solemnly turn around make your way back up to his room, the dim light of the hallway making you feel even more suffocated. you wanted to go leave, to go home to the comfort of your own room, but your car wasn't here and the darkness outside was too frightening for you to walk alone.

you sank down onto the bed, pulling at a loose thread on your sweater, each tug a desperate attempt to distract yourself from your emotions, but quiet sniffles followed by deeper sobs only reminded you of what just happened.

in that moment, you felt stupid, pathetic, like a complete loser for ever hoping for something more — for hoping you could change him. but of course, that only ever happens in the movie, and unfortunately your life is anything but. how could you be so naïve?

you are alone with your thoughts for a little while longer, drowning in your own pitifulness, when the bedroom door creaks opens. chris saunters in so casually, a simple white shirt loose on his frame and sweatpants that hang low on his hips, his hair tousled, and his eyes are clouded and faded from the joint he sparked up earlier.

you can't bear to look at him for too long — you refuse to. instead, you fixate on the wall, your gaze drifting over his posters in hopes to distract yourself as chris moves lazily around the room, rummaging through his desk drawer, the sound of coins clinking and crisp dollar bills rustling sounding like nails on a chalkboard.

"you hungry or what, kid?" he asks, scratching his cheek as he continues to dig through the mess.

it pains you how nonchalant and casual he sounds. it feels like a punch to the gut. how can he be so unfazed to the pain that he has just caused you? you shouldn't be surprised. this is who he is.

"hey. m'talkin' to you." he adds, his voice breaking through your haze.

you swallow hard, the lump in your throat refusing to budge as you still keep your eyes averted, not allowing him to see the hurt on your face. but a small sniffle escapes, and the sound immediately catches his attention. you feel the bed dip as he moves closer, fingers gripping your chin and turning your head to meet his gaze.

his eyes flick over your face, a huff leaving his lips. "what.. what's the matter with you? huh? you — you been watchin' those dumb videos again? told you not to do that, a'ight? fix your face."

chris goes to rub his thumb across your cheeks, trying to wipe away the tears, but you flinch away, opting to use your sleeve instead. his hand drops to the bed, a moment of silence hanging between you two. he shifts, tonguing at his cheek as he watches you with faded eyes that blink slowly, but studies every detail.

"what, uh.. what happened?" his concern sounds so strange to you, and it's clear it's hard for him too, judging by the way his face twitches slightly, his jaw tense. "somethin' happened to you, or what?"

you don't answer him once again, the silence stretching uncomfortably between you.

chris lets out a sigh of frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose as if trying to hold back his own irritation. "look. this — this silent treatment you got goin' on right now isn't workin', yeah? it's... it's bullshit, and i can't help you if you don't talk to me, alright? so — so talk, because this silence is really startin' to piss me off—"

"i want to go home." the words escape you like a whisper, and chris' head jerks back, surprise flickering across his features.

"you.. you wanna go home — like, right now? you wanna go home right now?" chris asks you, his voice laced with disbelief. you nod slowly, hearing him scoff, his disbelief turning into frustration. "the fuck you talkin' about? you don't wanna go home, bun, you — you're stayin' here tonight, remember? with me."

"i just want to go home..."

"did you take anythin'? huh?" chris suddenly asks, grabbing your cheeks again to lift your face, his eyes probing as he examines your bloodshot gaze. "did you go through my stash while i was downstairs? is — is that why your brain is all foggy n' shit? take somethin' on the sly?"

"no! i didn't!" you whine pathetically, pushing his hand away from your face. the tears swell in your eyes again, each drop a reminder of his callous words repeating in your mind. "i want to leave, chris."

"ha..." chris breathes out, his tongue rolling across his teeth as he stares at you for a moment, the disbelief still evident on his features. then he nods, smacking his lips together. "okay, alright. then — then go. you wanna leave s'bad? go."

a flicker of relief washes over you at the thought of finally escaping and going home to be comforted by your own room, to cry as much as you please, but the idea of walking home alone in the fark fills you with dread, an unsettling knot forming in your stomach.

"get that look off your face," chris grumbles as he climbs off the bed, snatching his phone off of his bedside table. he strides over to his desk to keep a distance from you, the tension still thick in the air. "i'm callin' you an uber, then you can fuckin' go."

© STURNIOZ

[raven-the-claw]

A Complete Guide To Chaotic Academia

bc its my fav aesthetic and there is not enough content about it

Outfits

most people say that chaotic academia is just dark academia but a little bit more messy, and, well, chaotic. the truth is, chaotic academia is A LOT more messy than dark academia. you can still use dark academia as kind of a "base", but you are going to replace your blazers with flannels, your turtlenecks with tshirts. as for pants, you can go with litteraly anything: cigarette pants, tailored trousers, ripped-up jeans or normal black leggings. i personally really ike ripped up overalls bc they give that "i dont really give a damn, im so misunderstood, my parents didnt love me, im a crazy lonely introverted teenage child" vibe...idk. whatever you wear, make sure you feel comfortable in it! even tho in chaotic academia there are almost no rules at all, here are some things that might help you!

colours: any earthy tones are fine, brown, caramel, dark green, dark red, white, etc etc

fictional characters that might inspire you:

-remus lupin

- any dpc character

- jess mariano

- sydney novak

accesories: flannels (a personal fav + they make even the most boring fit look better), cardigans, converse (bonus points if you draw/write on them or if you have them laced in a weird way), bracelets or necklaces that mean something to you, harry potter back packs, tote bags...

hairstyles: whatever you want, just make sure your hair is ALWAYS messy, looking like you just fucking woke up

Activities and Traits

ok now we're getting to the actually important part bc (repeat after me): chaotic academia is not about how you look, its about how you live and how you act. so here r some thing that might help:

- annotating books with the most unhinged random thoughts

- learning poetry or speeches word for word but not remembering most of the things for school

- studying in the (school) library and being besties with the librarian (optional)

- leaving notes (on trees, mailboxes or library books) for strangers to find

- "studying while listening to classical music" and then instead of studying you end up agressivly mouthing your favorite song

- im sure yall already heard this one, but yes, swearing and slag while discussing deep academic topics is incredibly important

- speaking of important topics: posting something important on social media knowing no one will read it

- doodles on your hands 24/7 (NO SUSAN, I DONT GIVE A DAMN THAT ITS BAD FOR MY SKIN)

- sarcasm. a lot.

- random thoughts

- random quotes

- knowing a ton of conspiracy theories that you dont even beileve in by heart

- listening to all different types of podcasts

- one day reading the classics, the next ya fantasy and day after that ao3 smut

- multifandom, multishipper

- tea/coffee addiction

- adding b.c. to todays date when writing it in school

- random thoughts and the weirdest annotations in your school notebooks, especially the classes that you find boring

- "going to the bathroom" and then spending half of your math class drawing/reading/smoking/crying/thinking/whatever the fuck you wanna do there bc ur tired of everything

- stealing random stuff from stores (tho it is not encouraged blah blah blah)

- watching gilmore girls every fall

- telling people ur favorite colour is green even tho it isnt just to let them know that ur gay

- reading in class, on breaks, at home, parks, meetings, aethletic events, and generally all the fucking time

- doing (mostly) everything last minute

- bad at photography, but you enjoy it

- cold tea my beloved

- wearing one item every day: it can either be a necklace, a flannel, a bracelet, a badge, headphones, earrings etc etc

- extremely messy handwriting, always writing with black pen

- crying at least once a day, but only when ur alone, being super emotional but never showing it

- hobbies include reading, screaming in your pillow, learning unique languages that you will probably never use, rewatching dead poets society, harry potter, enola holmes, end of the fucking world and gilmore girls

- massive bookworm, reads all the time, always has a book with them

- skipping class, not that often tho

- 💫anger issues💫

- hyperactive and lazy at the same time

- uses big words but makes fun of other people when they do it

- writes (rebellious) book quotes everywhere, every single one of their notebooks had IF WE BURN, YOU BURN WITH US written in them lol

- random useless powerpoints

- analysing taylor swift's folklore and evermore instead of sheakspeare because its just better

- retired almost-emo, had a phase when they wore black and acted all mysterious but were never really emo i cant explain it

- likes mcr. this one speaks for itself.

- gay and sad. no explanation needed.

Books, Movies and Music

Books:

- Harry Potter by you know who (WE DONT SUPPORT HER THO)

- The Secret History by Donna Tartt

- Night School by CJ Daugherty (is that how u spell it lol)

- The Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

- Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

- Heartstopper by Alice Oseman

- Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

- Emma by Jane Austen

- Hamlet by Do I Really Need To Say Who

- The Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

- The Picture of Dorain Gray by Oscar Wilde

- Frankenstein by Marry Shelley

Movies/TV Shows

- end of the fucking world

- heartstopper

- harry potter

- enola holmes

- dead poets society

- gilmore girls

- httyd (no kidding lol)

im not really a film girlie so if yall have any recs please lmk

Music:

- Mother Mother

- Taylor Swift (obviously)

- Lana Del Slay

- Conan Gray

- Olivia Rodrigo

- My Chemical Romance

- Lovejoy

- Bowie

- Queen

- Radiohead

- Björk

- Those random Disney songs i know you scream to at 3am

also whoever sings the IMJUSTATEENAGEDIRTBAGBAABBYY song

here is my playlist if yall wanna listen to it

hope that helps lol

[broodsys]

garden updateee (long post lmao)

peach tree first:

have harvested upwards of 50 peaches from it. have invited the neighbors to freely take peaches (don't think they have tho). have given peaches to my brother. so many are getting partly eaten by critters (i don't mind this)

probably have an additional 30-40 in the worm bin (partly eaten ones, gloopy ones, ones that were seriously damaged early on, etc)

ended up with two gallon bags full - and i mean full - of frozen peach slices and a good bit of peach sauce (well, i call it that, but it's really just cooked down/pureed peaches and a bit of sugar. it's good!)

could i have been more productive with it? yeah! however! wasn't expecting this at all! i cannot stress enough how much of a surprise this has been

after all the peaches have been harvested im gonna trim this poor tree down so hard. bc at present it isn't just bowing a bit under the weight, the main trunk goes up and up... and then starts coming sharply back down. roughly like so:

except with a lot more branches and all but yeah not actually drawing this lmao.

gonna try to espalier it a bit. there are lower branches that i'm going to be keeping and hopefully i can get some wire or something to give it some support, bc clearly during growing and harvest seasons it's gonna need that support. but i'm taking the height off... again, lmao. i've already done this!!!! it is growing so much

however, i think i know why. about midway through last year, we moved the worm bin over near it. and the worm bin has holes drilled in the bottom. so all those nutrients have been sinking into the soil and i think the peach tree was just like oh? nutrience? for me??? and went apeshit lmao

other garden news:

although i've mostly been talking about the peach tree, many things are going above and beyond. the rose bush out front is covered with rose hips that are probably about as wide as a half dollar? and it's grown to about halfway up the second floor. ridiculous. some of the canes are easily as wide as a quarter

we also have a grape. idk what type bc like the smartest person imaginable, i lost the tag. also i don't think it's ever gonna fruit but that is okay bc it is a sprawling beast and beautiful and it is sending vines up that are on the first floor roof

a lot of plants i have mostly to control temperatures indoors. so the rose bush covers the front of the house and some of the dark roof shingles, while the mystery tree and grape cover another part of the house. i was letting the peach tree get a bit taller to become a shade tree since it wasn't seeming to bear (but still not ridiculously tall!) but uh. A Mistake 😂

currently in the process of getting one of the many many manyyyy marionberry canes to root so that i can plant some in the backyard. it's very well established along the side yard and we get a ton of fruit from it, so why not just keep it going?

and we have a nectarine tree out back that's in its.... hmm. second or third year, but i think second. it's older than that, but in terms of being in our garden. so it's not bearing yet, no real surprise, and it's having some of the same issues the peach tree originally had, but the peach tree is no longer afflicted so i suspect the nectarine will end up okay as well

gonna be repositioning the metal gazebo frame (canvas top long since destroyed) into the center of the yard so that we can safely hang a new tarp from it and provide some central shade. looking forward to that, altho it'll be a lot of work. been using the water i saved up all during the rainy season and so far i still have a lot, which is nice - been doing a lot of water-wise planting and letting things get their own water and all. i've managed to keep the bucket pond going even tho the plastic is starting to crack and i'm dreading the eventual day the whole thing goes... sm life in there

but it's cracking bc the winters are getting so cold that the water freezes several inches down and expands, so it's like... rly tricky to deal with? debating about getting a solar powered water bubbler for it. just smth to keep the water moving a little bit and hopefully prevent it from freezing sm

i have mulched a tremendous amount this year, as i usually do. countless cardboard boxes - only plain ones, or ones with dyed parts removed, and always removing all the tape. forever trying to reuse stuff. there are still problem areas in the back and front yards, but some can't really be dealt with - like we have a lot of stray cats in the area and they sure do like to use yards as litter boxes 🙃like they're just gonna be here, it's a thing, but it does mean taking that into consideration wrt what/how we grow things

i keep getting frustrated and sad with how many things are dying out there but like. yeah. it's gonna happen. a) transplant shock is a thing, no matter how careful i try to be, b) it's hard to tell how heavily i should water things tbph, c) our soil is different all over the place, and the soil out front is very poor - which some things prefer! but definitely not all, and d) climate change. even hardy natives aren't necessarily hardy anymore, and over time native ranges seem to be shifting, so it's difficult

but i'm trying to not focus sm on what's dying and more on what's thriving, bc a bunch of stuff is :')

[cloudcountry]

AUBURN HELP I LOVE DAZAI!!

like he's so gentle and really really nice towards the MC!! he's so caring bc you never know why he's annoying the heck out of you until you realize later on that he was distracting you from your dark thoughts...I LOVE HIM

i'm so tempted to write for ikevamp rn but idk about the rest of the characters and i'm scared it'll just turn out to be their stereotypical personality and not who they TRULY are

can you pls give him a brief description of each? like their traits and things?

I LOVE YOU MUAH <3

love your new theme also!!

~ siren

HGFSADHG WHY WOULD I HELP IT SOUNDS LIEK A GOOD THING ^^ YOU SOUND LIEK YORUE HAVING FUN !!!!! and im totally here for you writing ikevamp AAAAAAAAA THAT SOUNDS SO FUN WE COULD BOUNCE IDEAS OFF EACH OTEHR AND EVERYTHING SHAKING U AROUNDDDDDD JSHSGDHAS

i actually took notes about what i think about the characters but i have to warn you i know nothing about leonardo, jean, vlad, and faust so i wont be able to provide a decent description ^^ IF ANYONE LIKES THOSE CHARACTERS (manifesting henry for faust) and wants to add to this please!! do so!!!

napoleon - kind, good head on his shoulders, mature, very wise; gives sound advice, very safe presence.

mozart - prickly at first but turns soft, very talented, protective,m very respectful of boundaries.

arthur (aka doyle which is a nickname me nd dove call him bc he annoys us AHSGDF) - can be very sweet but usually plays it off with weird flirts? dont,,, know what consent is from what i can tell. hes a good speaker but im guessing he has a lot fo emotional vulnerability problems.

vincent - AN ANGEL. HES SO PRECIOUS/. hes very sweet, kind, very warm presence, gentle, considerate, friendly, hes literallys o gorgeous i wnat to hold his face and cherish every skin cell on his body. its insane. hes ethereal.

theo - he calls the mc a dog a lot,,, i think its teasing but its,,,,, very weird,,,,,,, anyways!! he seems liek a very hard worker and he cares a lot for his brother vincent ^^

isaac - IF VINCENT IS PERFECT HES PERFECT X2 but thats. very baised of me. ANYWAYS. hes a little awjward and standoffish at firstm but when you get him to open up he tries to protect your with his LIFE. hes very kind, very sweet, great with children, a bit hesitant when initiating any form of affection, he just wants the best for the mc and will sacrafice his own happiness to make sure she gets it.

dazai - i mean yorue already playing dazai's route but from what ive seen he looks out for people a lot and is very emotionally aware of the people he surrounds himself with.

shakespeare - hes kinda sketchy but i believe in him. very poetic,, he talks like the actual shakespeare wrote if that makes sense. he seems kind and reliable but im at. a very shakey (heehee) part in his route rn so i'll get back to you on that LMAO

comte - HES SO KIND,.,.,. he likes to spoil the mc which is both very sweet and very sad at the same time :C he has a very soothing presence imo and knows how to lead people.

sebastian - stoic my ASS hes literally SO dramatic. hes a bit of a history freak. i think that regardless of whose route you take, he grows to care a lot for you and will throw a FIT if you think about leaving the mansion. hes calm,,, collected,,,,, yk classic butler type

charles - hes a babygirl character. he craves love so much he would hurt himself for it and i think he kind of,,, i know how to put this into words but he gives a LOT to other people without really getting anything back?? except for like, physical touch???? he works very hard for the people he loves and is touch starved but yk precious!!

[sunmoonjune]

i conked right back out after reading that first answered ask LMAO ive literally been sleeping 12+ hours a day bc i ended up taking sick leave from work and i also got my period so my body's really just been like hmm what other doozy can i give her but now i'm actually awake and my brain juices are kinda flowing so ive been doing some hard thonking about your comments. this is literally unedited word vomit none of my theories make sense but oh well HAHA

YOU'RE TELLING ME WE HAVEN'T EVEN HIT THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG YET???? brb getting my straw so i can drink up the ocean and reveal the iceberg

went back to dig around your past asks and you said a lot of the reason why the villagers hate her is bc of her father and the incident happens around 9-10yo that changes everything sO idk im gonna take some shots in the dark dont laugh at me ,,,,,, so men are usually the only ones meant to train to become a warrior and enter the trials,,,,,,, and ofc as bug's father is the chief of the village he's going to want a son to take over but then he gets two daughters ?? bc you did also hint gender plays a big part of her backstory so im thinking is this one of the underlying reasons in the first place why bug and soojin always had such a rocky relationship with their father even before the incident . . ...... .has bug's mother passed? i feel like she has passed. and i feel like something happened during her death that bug's father then twisted and pinned the blame onto bug. ????? maybe that's why the memories of villagers spitting out it's her fault is so engrained in her :((( and it would make sense why she had the need to make a sign for 'dead'. IDK THERES STILL SO MANY HOLES I CANT SEEM TO THINK OF A SOLID THEORY i need some more hints ;)))))))

HMMMM sometimes soojin wasn't there?? now i'm thinking was it bc yun and bug often found themselves receiving the brunt of bug's father's anger .: they were often punished together and chucked into like a cell or sth so it was just them two sometimes. but then what did YUN do that got him on everyone's bad side too bc him getting banished was fo sho just a convenient opportunity that presented itself for bug's father to get rid of yun. HMHM speaking of ,, he was banished for conspiracy and injuring an officer. yun's not the type of person to just do that for no reason (+ im willing to bet your $11 and my 60c that the situation was twisted to make him look like the bad guy) and im thinking did bug's father say or do something that finally made him snap therefore leading to his accusation HMM

WAIT ALSO ARE THE SCARS UNDER HER MASK IN THE SHAPE OF SOMETHING OR SPELL OUT WORDS ???? bc it's been hinted again and again that there's an awful injury underneath and you have it as the cover of the to-be-published version but you cant reveal it bc it's too big of a spoiler so that leads me to think her face has been deliberately disfigured to look like sth 👀👀

waiting for the published version of ltm to drop so we can get signed copies but also asfksdjg we're gonna need a commissioned version of ltm with the atz boys to purchase instead bc can you imagine the line 'you may have cost wooyoung his yunho' as 'you may have cost kieran his brandon' HAHAHAHAHAAHA I LITRALLY CHOKED ON MY OWN SPIT sonia and her random names always have me cackling HAHA

OMG ALSO ARE WE GONNA GET YEO TEACHING BUG TO DANCE IN THE FUTURE OMGGMGGGG THATS THE LITERAL CUTEST i can already see all the boys tripping over each other and manhandling each other out of the way (with love) so that they can reach bug first and extend their hand out to ask for her first dance dsgjkagfdg noooooooooo 😭💕

also none of my friends irl stan ateez so i have no one to tell and i dont use tumblr enough to have moots apart from you (i woke up at 5am that day and saw your notif and couldnt fall back asleep bc i was literally rolling around in bed giggling) so im gonna tell you but im a relatively new atiny and this is going to be my first comeback with the boys and im literally frothing at the mouth with excitement bc the concept teasers ??? I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

hehehe I SO enjoyed your theories OMG!! Keep sending them my way I eat up all your thoughts on LTM <33

we have not indeed reached the tip of the iceberg ;) but we're close

and haha I would never laugh at you xD this was a very interesting theory about her past and I can't tell you if you're right quite yet,, but I can say: yes, chiefs want a son to take over the title of leader. and bug's father ended up with two daughters... there will be MUCH more on this in the future >:D

onto the topic of bug's mother... this is a VERY important part of the next chapter ;) I'm so glad you've brought it up,,, again I can't tell you much about her until the release of the next chapter but bug's mother does play a VERY BIG role in why certain people despise her so much

I genuinely cannot wait to see your reaction to the lore bits in the next chapter xD it won't reveal everything quite yet but it does reveal some of bug's past so I'm VERY excited,, I hope you'll come back to update your theories after you read it hehe >:D bug's past is long and kind of confusing until I string it all together at the end, but I'm hoping some of you will be able to puzzle it out hehe ;))

as for yun and Soojin,,, part of why Soojin was not with them as much will be referenced in the next chapter I think,, but it may not yet be revealed,, but you are correct in that yun and bug were often on the receiving end of her father and the village's anger :( I can't tell you why they directed it at bug but most of the hate towards yunho simply emerged because he was always trying to stop them from hurting her (this is heavily implied throughout the series so I don't think it's spoiling anything...)

and yunho's banishment.... that will be brought up again as well... perhaps not quite yet ;)

bug's scars.... yes, these are VERY important to bug's past and her entire story! that's why they're the cover of my hardcopy ;) once we reach that part of the story I'll show you the cover so you can get an understanding of what they look like. beneath her mask is extremely relevant to her past and why the village hates her so much... I can tell you that the shape of the scars are less important than what they did to her face...

hehe when the published version finally goes out there's going to be new content in it ;) extra scenes and what not that weren't included here :DD and perhaps I will send signed copies out if you guys want them enough xD

AHHAHA NO I've settled on their names for the published version and I promise there will be no Kieran or Brandon's LMAO,, names in books are SUPER important to me cause they give me a BIG ick in novels xD I cannot read a book about a guy named 'jack' or 'daniel' or something HAHA

and the dancing <33 there will be some fluff in the future about the dancing scene I promise ;)

also omg!! none of my irl besties like kpop either :( I would be happy to be on the receiving end of your rants about the comeback hehe xD I've been an atiny since pirate king and each cb has been AMAZING and I'm very excited too!! me and 🪷 anon have been yelling at each other in messages every time concept photos get leaked xD

I hope this answered some of your theories (even tho I couldn't really say much xD ) thank you for them hehe >:D I LOVE hearing your theories about bug's past because I CANNOT WAIT to reveal it xD

also! do you have a name you want to be called? I've been calling you 'eight' in my head since I saw your first messages but I haven't asked yet xD

[dilfl0v3rss]

girlllll i just woke up😭. but i was scrolling for a while lmfaooooooo. BUT sb said "first time smoking" and my first time went the complete opposite. I was in 12th grade right and i'm in this trio with me and my other 2 friends and we was trynna find a day to hang out bc we always have work that conflict w our schedules okay ok. So we found a day but it was AFTER I WORKED😒 We went to the cheesecake factory at like 6 and this was during winter so it was already dark asf, and we didn't leave till like... 9 soooo my friend got the joint from her house and we went to a soccer field and smoked it... it was actually crazy bc we were running around the field doing flips and shit w the joint . idk the cold air just did something to us... but in all seriousness i did not feel high my first time i tried to take multiple hits and it didn't work😭. but i slept good asf that night... but recently like a week or two ago i smoked a fattttttt blunt with my friend alone and my eyes were red and low but i didn't feel high??? What does being high even feel like to y'all? Am i overthinking it or what because my eyes were red as shitt and my eyes were low but i didn't feel any different... I just felt normal and my eyes stopped being red after like 15 min

that’s happened to me during one of my first times smokingggg. ngl i never looked into it i just chalked it up to the shit being trash and i never copped from the nigga again😭

being high to me feel like you more aware of wtf going on but in a slow way. like i remember being deep in my head like thinking all types of shit and looking around without saying a fucking word LMFAOOOOO. i used to laugh soooo much like plss don’t even show me nothing funny bc i used to be laughing for mad longggg. and everything would just be so weird like i dead can’t explain it. it’s like you feel slow even tho you moving and talking at a normal pace. i went to watch my friends district game while i was smacked and i could’ve even cheer for the nigga bc ian wanna get up LMFAOOO. and when im high i don’t feel hungry but i eat a lotttt. like ion feel the hunger in my body but if you put food in front of me ima eat it and ion feel full either like i be fucking food upppp.

[brigatebajor]

so in my university you can do this neat thing that lets you display your chosen name on the uni's internal channels like uni email, website profile, myuni app, anything as long as it isnt an official legal document like your graduation certificate. so. after four years and with merely one year left of uni (<- me when i lie and severely overestimate my ability to take one years worth of exams in three months) i am doing this thing right cause im going to therapy and learning that i do not have to hide and cower in shame and beg for peoples forgiveness just for existing, you know how it is. right.

so my uni's website is a black hole hostile to any kind of intelligent life form which means that the steps needed in order to Activate this thing are a total fucking mystery. so i ask the Uni** Trans Council and they tell me to go ask this one professor whos basically in charge of the whole thing, which is a pretty normal occurrence in my university bc my university is held together by a pack of toothpicks and a bestemmia. so i have no choice but to email the man and ask him to help me navigate the dark seas of bureaucracy.

(picard voice) now gentlefags. idk how many emails yall have sent in your lives but i have sent one too many emails to uni professors alright. i have trained reflexes. i open up a gmail tab and my fingers are already instinctively typing Gentile Professore. i have completely lost the ability to write an email that doesnt end in Ringraziandola Per La Cortese Attenzione Le Porgo Cordiali Saluti. but this is different. this is me, a humble idiot, going to this guys house and kneeling on his doorstep begging for help, so virtually not that different from what im usually emailing professors for, but this time i can actually CHOOSE. how i sign the email.

i have two options: i either have to sign my email with my deadname, or with my chosen name. not as easy as it sounds.

my deadname is the obvious professional option, bc it's the name thats displayed in my email, the name youll find on the university records, the name youll find on my id. im obviously sick to all hell and back of having to actually SPELL my birth name like write it down myself as opposed to having to hear it passively from all over, which is not as bad as youd think if you dissociate enough, but writing it? thats the ultimate humiliation isnt it? so obviously id want to avoid doing that, but theres also the added factor of sounding kinda stupid - hi, i want a different name displayed on my stuff, but im not gonna tell you that name! hehe :3

on the other hand, though, theres that part of me with the autocompleted signature in the back of my brain that stops me short of just fucking writing "sam" on the email like a normal person. perhaps it's the part of me that says "like the dog in i am legend" when the barista asks me to repeat my name for the third time at pedros (we dont have starbucks here so we had to make our own brand). in any case, i just cant help but perceiving my own chosen name, the one that i am LITERALLY formally asking to have displayed on my account, as something thats a tad too silly to reveal to Any Public Figure. which is ironic bc bestie clearly that therapy is Not working

and btw, no, there is no third option. bc its a formal email and my uni survival instincts would rather stop the nerves in my hands from working before they let me send an unsigned email (unprofessional! youre gonna fail every exam if you do <- REAL innegociable truth of the universe), so my only choice is to die as a hero and never graduate again (because this is OBVIOUSLY what would happen if i broke the unspoken rules of a professional email to a professor whos not even part of my course), or live as a clown and deadname myself (which im used to, cause i Am a clown).

anyway so this is the story of how ive been staring at the unsigned email on my puter for the past five hours. how have yall been doing

[remcycl333]

Since you’re a book girlie what book genres/tropes are your favorite to read? What are your top five favorite books, what types of books (or tips) do you recommend for people who don’t real a lot but wanna get into the groove of it, and how many books did you real last year + are planning to read this year 👀

Sorry if this is a lot I’m just nosy 🌝 and I’m tired of seeing loa asks 🙄.

whew i typed a long reply to this but my tab crashed 😐 idk what's up with firefox rn

anyway! let's try this again.

you're not being nosy at all! i LOVE talking about books! here's my goodreads if anyone wants to be friends!! 🫶

my go-to genres have always been romance and literary fiction, but im trying to branch out this year and read more genres! i've recently been reading thriller and fantasy :)

i just finished the folk of the air series and omggg it was soooo good! it was my first fantasy series (besides harry potter and twilight) and i enjoyed it much more than i thought i would!

some of my fav books are normal people by sally rooney (and conversations with friends by her), my year of rest and relaxation by ottessa moshfegh, the idiot by elif batuman, and writers and lovers by lily king!

here's my tips for people who want to get into reading!

start by reading popular books. they're usually popular for a reason, and it's so fun being able to go on booktok/booktube and see everyone talk about a book you've read! reading obscure books is fun too but sometimes it makes me sad when i can't discuss it with anyone else

watch booktok/booktube! watching book vids always makes me wanna read sooo bad. it's like i get fomo or something lol. but it's great motivation and a good way to find new books!

only read books that ACTUALLY interest you! don't force yourself to read something that is popular if you aren't truly interested in the plot. i've had friends who tried to get into reading and started reading classics simply because they thought that was what they were supposed to read. then they declared they hated reading and it wasn't for them, when really they were just reading the wrong things. most classics are really slow-paced and i don't recommend them to beginners!

if you're addicted to your phone, try reading on your phone! my irl bestie could never pay attention to physical books bc she was addicted to her phone, but she got a kindle and she's been reading so much more! im not personally addicted to my phone (yes that's a flex) but i still rlly enjoy reading on my phone! you can read anywhere, in any position, in the dark, etc. also for some reason books go by sooo much faster when you read them on your phone? maybe bc u can't see how many physical pages are left? and bc u can make your font as big as you want

reading can get pretty expensive, depending on how much you read. i don't buy a book unless i've already read it and know i liked it. if anyone wants a tutorial on how to download free ebooks lmk🤭 it's the way to go tbh

i read 51 books last year (my goal was 75 but i seriously slacked), and my goal this year is 100 🤭 i've already read 13 books this month, and i read 12 last month, so if i keep this up i'll read 144-156 (ish) books by the year ends. so! im confident i'll be able to reach my goal!

i hope this answered your questions and that it was useful to anyone who wants to start reading! it's still january so its the perfect time to start 🫣

[thesickestgirl]

gaining whimsy, yet losing aura

i was on tiktok yesterday and i saw 2 venus cosplayers and i was omg i got that doll for easter when i was little! and then i clicked the search thing at the bottom which was about the actual doll and i think he was going thru different generation venus dolls. i didn’t see the one i had, but it made me want to look more into the things i used to like.

i mean there’s only 2 things i looked into and only one im pursing. well at least for now. monster high was obviously the first thing i was looking into and then the other is mlp!! i watched it a lot when i was little and i remember a time i got a little clear glitter pony. i think it was dark blue with purple hair. idk what pony it was. im not like well-versed in mlp characters and lore. i watched it as a kid but idk i think it was still on tv ?? so i didnt watch all of the episodes bc no way I had cable. i was watching it on my great aunt’s netflix account. (she got money) i dont remember who was my favorite when i was little. i think it was twilight or maybe fluttershy. i wonder if i asked my aunts if they’d know. i really like rarity and fluttershy’s design is cute but she is lowk annoying. i think she gets better throughout, but im only on season one.

i found a really cool website with a lot of mlp toys i wanna get. i really need a job. there’s a hobby shop by my house kinda. downtown. i wanna work there. i love that store. they have pokemon models. i got jigglypuff like 2 years ago. peak. i was way prettier and i was skinny. i hate myself

that’s not the point! im trying to talk about things that make me happy.

im writing on here bc i dont have anyone else to talk to about it. i was so excited to talk to my boyfriend about the monster high dolls and he was going to work so obvi didn’t say much and thats fine but when i asked if he knew my favorite he didn’t. i know its been brought up and i’ve definitely told him before so its 100% him being fake. i dont know who else i could yap to. but i guess i know its annoying so i need to just stop talking so much about shit nobody cares about. i guess i’ll just come here next time im excited about something🥲 cringe emoji but that’s how i feel having no one to share my interests with and already knowing im annoying so i have to limit how much i say.

there’s probably a way to set your phone so you can only send a certain amount of messages… i wish i could just have the self control to shut the fuck up.

when i was talking to my boyfriend and i got upset that he didn’t know my favorite ghoul (draculaura) (fucking duh she’s pink and he knows my favorite is pink stuff) (he literally sent me a tiktok and it had her in it (other characters too she was more at the end)and i pointed her out)

i was so upset and i just unsent all of the texts i sent about mh bc it doesn’t even fucking matter. and then i just made a voice memo talking about it for 14 minutes. im prob just gonna delete that too bc i dont think i’ll listen to it and nobody else would. i dont want anyone else too. it’s cringe. i was just talking to myself about stupid things. now i just feel stupid. i feel immature and childish but i still watch it and want mlp things. i think i would just not talk about it. i need to talk less in general. how do i do that without seeming uninterested ?

i love these type of the ponies. they’re like the little one i had when i was younger. i had it for a long time but i don’t know where it is now. im sad bc i think i might’ve thrown it away in jr year but that doesn’t sound like me bc i love cute things. idk.

when i get a job im coming for you…. my precious mlp glitter figurines

[volskayadottxt]

things i learned from rare pair week

back when i hosted ramyatta week, drawing so much and so consistently for a few weeks helped me improve a lot. i feel like ive probably gotten the same thing from rare pair week. specifically...

-lineart is my fav part of the process, i like indicating heavy shadows with solid blocks of black or very dark brown.

-my fave types of brushes to ink with are fineliner mimics with a bit of dithering. while brushes with more pressure are nice, i think i honestly prefer just painting and carving into my lines. its why doing lineart properly takes me hours and hours but i really like the results...

-coloring is my least favorite part. but i hate how solid flat colors look. therefore... we have a problem.

-I NEED TO USE REFERENCES MORE like im just not good enough to build a pose from form construction alone! i wont be for ages so why am i trying this hard??

-i do not fucking like drawing people. like i just dont. idk what but the only pieces i had motivation on were the ones with an omnic involved. maybe thats why i quit a decade ago. but i cant force myself to draw humans if i dont like it, no matter how much i wanna draw zarya being sexy or mauga being beefy (still lesbian hes just super fun to draw in small bursts bc he is so Shaped)

i was not destined to be a beefy woman artist...

while i was working on my day 4 i actually was also rewatching tengen toppa gurren lagann with a friend and honesty... i might try to just steal whats going on in those eyecatches. the big, blocky shadows, the feathering at the shadow edges, and the pale and just slightly desaturated colors...

yeah... ive been thinking about these a lot. my brain was already primed to go in this direction since i started reading idw1 transformers. a lot of mtmte/ll is rendered this way regarding shadows and how they indicate form. actually, i think a lot of transformers art is.

yes these are from my cygate screenshots folder...

so anyways, the plan is to draw cosmic crisis ramyatta for a bit and finally dip my toes into transformers art. ill have my hands full with the shambali boys and the lost light crew so!!

if i draw any humans anytime soon it'll be venture. actually i do wanna draw them as simon from ttgl!!

[bethrnoora]

everything from bug buzz thru hydro pump >:)

oh my god that's a lot lmao im gonna put part of this under a readmore

Bug Buzz - Favorite Bug type(s)

Galvantula :) Joltik too but i like the purble on Galvantula

Dark Pulse - Favorite Dark type(s)

Darkrai is the obvious choice BUT i already talked about him so probably Sneasel or Bisharp for a non-legendary option. sidenote idk how to feel about Kingambit tbh, it's a cool design but i dont really think Bisharp needed an evolution

Draco Meteor - Favorite Dragon types(s)

Noivern!! and Noibat too but i can only fit so many images. just such fun concepts i love them so much

Volt Switch - Favorite Electric types(s)

Mareep + its whole line probably. also Raikou. Johto kind of went off w their electric types

Moonblast - Favorite Fairy types(s)

i like Spritzee a lot (don't love Aromatisse lmao kind of a let-down on its evo for me)

Close Combat - Favorite Fighting types(s)

Mienfoo and also Breloom! the best fighting types are just little guys imo

Flamethrower - Favorite Fire types(s)

Fennekin and now Charcadet are probably my overall fave fire types now, i got too attached to my Charcadet in scarlet way too fast lol

Aerial Ace - Favorite Flying types(s)

so I do like Fearow a lot but honestly prefer Spearow, it's just so cute and spunky looking. also Xatu, which i think is just a really cool pokemon that i was so excited seeing for the first time playing LeafGreen as a kid. lastly Honchkrow bc Hat

Shadow Ball - Favorite Ghost types(s)

man x&y had such GOOD ghost types, i love Pumpkaboo and Phantump but my favorite is probably Litwick and its evos, they're just SO well designed. and ofc Mimukyu and Haunter

Razor Leaf - Favorite Grass types(s)

i have such a soft spot for Serperior, i loved the one i had in bw and the fleur-de-lis type motifs on it are really cool. also Rowlet bc i just love how round and huggable that boy is

Earthquake - Favorite Ground types(s)

now it's definitely Clodsire...just a Good Shape

Powder Snow - Favorite Ice types(s)

ok actually i think Sneasel would maybe be my pick for this too lol...BUT im gonna go with Delibird & Froslass

Extreme Speed - Favorite Normal types(s)

Wooloo babey!!!!!! you know what is up!!!!!!!! in retrospect Wooloo might be one of if not my very fave pokemon from the SwSh era

Venoshock - Favorite Poison types(s)

i think maybe Dragalge? which is a pokemon i really do love but don't use often enough when i get the chance. i love leafy sea dragons so obviously i love Dragalge and i think the transition to it being part dragon-type is fun

Extrasensory - Favorite Psychic types(s)

hard to beat Girafarig and Espeon for me! Espeon i think might be my favorite eeveelution as well

Power Gem - Favorite Rock types(s)

might repeat my fossil poke answer and go with Archeops lol

Gyro Ball - Favorite Steel types(s)

i've always loved Skarmory (i spent like hours trying to figure out where to catch one on the islands in LeafGreen) and Aegislash is just cool as fuck

Hydro Pump - Favorite Water types(s)

OK LAST ONE it's Lanturn. look at the sweet and gentle face on that fish

[ddejavvu]

maybe this is dark but idk, stepdad!james potter who maybe is married to ur mom or maybe he’s just her young boy toy type thing, but he has a soft spot for u majorly. maybe ur moms like a bit absent and stuff, so a lot of the duties or parenthood, james just naturally takes on (even tho he’s much closer to ur age than ur moms).

like i love the idea of building it up a little, like maybe something happens with ur period at some point and he helps you out and is super soft

or maybe he actually notices when ur not feeling super and instead of being idle he comforts you or something

to add to this tho, maybe he has his mates over to watch the rugby and have some beers or whatever idk what men do and ur moms playing the dutiful wife/the wanna-be-milf role, but Remus/Sirius just oogle u all the time, ur obviously all soft smiles bc these are james’ friends so they have to be just as nice as he is

im sorry im sorry im sorry but the tension and the smut you could get out of this is insane. someone anyone pls write this i need y’all to fill my brain for me

today is multiverse monday! send me an au you can think of :)

this post is 18+ and dark, minors dni.

there is nothing i love more in this world than stepdad!james <33333

james makes you food and washes your sheets and drives you around if you need it and :(( he doesn't feel like your stepdad at all, yes he makes you dinner and checks on you to make sure you're doing your homework if you're in college and he worries about you when you go out with friends so he sets a curfew for you but he's not dad-old. he's older than you, but not as old as your mom is, and he feels more like a friend than he does a stepdad. but then he starts felling less and less like a friend the more he takes an interest in you and your life :')

one time you spend a lot of time in the bathroom. and i mean. a lot. you've been in there for thirty minutes and it's completely silent and he's really worried because he doesn't want to barge in on a private moment or anything but he's worried that something's wrong - he finally gets up to knock on the door but he hears a knock on the front one, and reroutes to find someone on the front step - it's one of your friends that he recognizes and he's about to tell them that you're not available at the moment but then he spots a bag that they're carrying and there's pads inside - instantly he knows what's going on. your friend slips past him with some crappy excuse but he knows why they're doing it and he's not gonna call their bluff - he lets your friend help you and he waits on the couch until you're done and your friend leaves and then makes his way to your room. he knocks on the door and asks if you're alright, and you're already so nervous because oh my god does he know??

you say yes and he sits down on your bed and you can tell he's trying to be sweet about it but you do not want to talk period with this guy. you're expecting him to tell you that you can't have friends over randomly or that you aren't allowed to lock yourself in the bathroom for that long but instead he tells you that if you ever need anything that you're encouraged to ask him :') he tells you he'll never be weird about it or judge you and that he's always going to be there if you need anything like that :') ugh you're close to crying 'cause he's so earnest and sweet :((

your mom's dancing around with replacement beers for them and dropping snacks onto the coffee table and cheering for the team they're rooting for and all you're doing is crossing the hallway to use the restroom and everyone'e eyes are on you :') james invites you out to come and share some of their snacks and unfortunately your mom is sitting beside him but it means you get to sit between remus and sirius and you are not complaining.. james definitely is though!! if your mom ever gets up he claims he has to show you something on his phone and that you have to come over to sit by him and it goes back and forth like this for a while until james and sirius and remus are all staring at each other like >:(( >:(( >:(( the entire night <33

[cryptidmullet]

more renga headcanons bc i miss them

- rekis not one to like. hide his praise or anything he compliments langa a lot but just. every so often he'll grab langas wrist and look at him all soft and say "youre amazing langa" very reminiscent of how langa praises him and it just makes langa feel so fucking mushy and in love

- rekis used to affection from his family but thats kinda it and langas family was never super affectionate but he felt loved still but after his dad died he just felt super lonely but when they meet and start getting super close they both just feel like theyre overflowing with love both given and received and i just thinks that beautiful

- rekis chronically bad at opening bottles bc they hurt his hands and hes always embarrassed but he goes up to langa and is like. open please. and langa does KKFMSMFND

- it gets to the point he'll just go up to him with a bottle and langa will open it without being prompted

- yknow when youre really tired and you feel like youre floating in the ocean reki has that but he feels like hes rolling back and forth on his skateboard

- since he first started skating the movement and feeling got so ingrained in him that he'll be sitting at his desk or laying in bed and just feels the sensation of tick tacking like hes not moving he just can feel it like a ghost in his muscles and brain

- sometimes reki just wants to. stand on his board like not do anything just stand on it so he stores skateboards in his room and when he gets restless he'll just stand on one for a little bit

- reki talks to himself a lot he'll be doing some mindless task and then have a pretend conversation with nobody without even realizing it

- whenever reki cries or gets choked up about smth drinking water for some reason makes him feel better

- reki pokes the twins' bellies and blows raspberries on them to make them laugh :)

- langa cant pick up rice with chopsticks when he first moves to okinawa and reki makes fun of him but still teaches him how to do it

- langa has acne along his jawline its just bumpy and stuff

- reki wakes up and then lays in bed watching videos as long as he can before he gets up 

- he also holds his phone like two inches away from his face

- reki uses dark mode langa uses light mode until reki notices it forcibly changes it

- rekis phone is always at like really low brightness bc his eyes are sensitive

- its battery is also always low bc its an old phone and it takes forever to charge

- he takes a lot of pictures and videos of langa just for no reason half of them are blurry and out of focus and langas not paying attention but he keeps all of them

- he has a bookmark on instagram called 'langa' and its full of stuff that reminds reki of him or he wants to show him later

- langa and reki pair up for a presentation once and when theyre presenting they cannot stop laughing reki says um and pauses for a moment too long and langa does one of those long nose exhale laughs and it makes reki snort and then they keep messing up and barely get through it and when they walk back to their desks they shove each other while the class laughs

- langa has a really cheap purple phone case he got at walmart and rekis like dude thats so boring so he makes stickers for him to stick to it

- langa loves them but he also has this weird anxiety about putting stickers places bc he likes them and doesnt want to eventually get rid of whatever the sticker is on but reki tells him he'll make him more whenever he gets another phone so hes okay with it

- langa doesnt really fidget unless hes nervous and then he twists his fingers around but when hes sitting he rolls his right ankle a lot and his foots like always twitching really minutely 

- reki carries around a hairband partly for his sisters (and eventually langa) and partly so he can fidget with it

- langa carries one around too for the same reason but one day reki forgets it during work so langa gives it to him bc he looks restless 

- and langa kinda feels really bare and doesnt know what to do without it so he just rubs his wrist a lot but he doesnt mind 

- reki will get up to go do smth but just sit down curled in a ball on the floor bc he gets distracted for whatever reason and after like 20 minutes of scrolling through his phone hes like wait what was i doing

- reki has a scar on his lip/chin bc he bailed really hard and hit his chin on the concrete and bit through his lip 

- langas a dry ass texter when he and reki first meet bc he didnt really have anyone to text before

- but eventually he googles how to turn auto caps and everything changes

- hes actually funnier over text sometimes bc hes less restrained 

- hes made a ur mom joke and then was like wait i take it back i love your mom im sorry :c 

- and he points out every time reki misspells a word just to annoy him

- reki scrolling through tiktok and he randomly starts crying at a wholesome video and langas like.. you good man and rekis like look at this FRICKING tiktok dude and then langas crying too KFMSMFND

- obligatory "we make a good team" line idk the context ill think about it later but theyre gay they have to say it

- langa promised his mom hed go to the store but had to do a last minute shift at dope sketch and rekis like oh ill do it for you i already know what you get

- langa has a sweet tooth he loves candy and hot chocolate and all that stuff and reki is lowkey an enabler he always brings candy w him or has a bag in his room

- when reki laughs he wraps his arms around his stomach and hes the type to go silent when he laughs hard enough

- he'll go from standing normally to bent over to crouched down to falling and rolling on his back or side from laughing so hard

- its pretty rare but sometimes he snorts in the middle of a laugh too

- when langas laughing Really hard its loud and kind of wheezy and almost like a cackle and he covers his mouth most of the time just out of habit

- he curls up when he laughs too so he'll be laying on rekis bed or the floor and reki says smth that catches him totally off guard and he starts fucking cackling and brings his knees up to touch his forehead hitting his leg and wheezing

- langa helps reki teach chihiro and nanaka how to ride a bike and the four of them go on little bike rides together occasionally

- the twins pulling on langas pant leg until he bends down so they can whisper gibberish in his ear and the first time langa is like ??? but then he learns to just laugh and nod 

- all of rekis sisters coming into rekis room while langa is there to be like :D langa :D and reki herding them out and yelling we're busy and then just flopping on his bed to continue scrolling through his phone in silence

- reki does the older sibling thing and just stands in koyomis doorway 

- miya makes a meme reference that reki doesnt get and hes like god youre old and it wounds reki on a personal level

- reki has a piece of graphite just like permanently stuck in his leg bc when he was younger his friend accidently stabbed him with it and it broke off and just. stayed there

- reki gets super obsessed with one song for a week or two and he'll listen to it on loop like 10 times in a row and he learns the lyrics to them no matter the language and by proxy langa always has the stuck in his head

[thatbitchsimone]

What kind of girls are you into?

dark hair, dark eyes, just dark features in general. curly hair makes me go 😍 so if a girl has dark curly hair its over for me like she has me on my knees already just for that. soft curvy body with hips and full thighs and on the shorter side (but im slightly taller than the average female height so that probably dont mean much lol most girls are shorter than me so its just something im used to but i dont actually care about height ive just noticed that all girls ive dated or had a fling with have been like a head shorter than me)

like i pretty much like girls that are opposite to me looks wise for some reason like my features are very fair/light like blue eyes light blonde hair stereotypical scandinavian features and just slim and tall without much womanly curves and while i do think im beautiful and all that its not the type of beauty that attracts me or catches my eye like i guess the eurocentric beauty standard never resonated with me like that growing up ive always been attracted to darker features like ive always had this type for as long as i can remember. maybe it comes down to the opposites attract theory but who cares i like what i like

personality wise, i like girls similar to me. i like loud and energetic and full of humor and wit and a sharp tongue but i do tend to fall for women who are a bit softer/calmer than me like i can be very intimidating and my energy can become too much and sometimes im too straight forward and raw/bold and just adhd as fuck so ive noticed that i need someone who can keep me grounded and have a bit of a calming presence to balance the energy out when its needed like imagine me as a balloon that needs someone who holds the string so i dont fly away or pop lmao but im very very nurturing, protective and caretaking so i need to be able to sort of take the lead in a way like know this is a problematic term but just to put it in the simplest way possible, im ”the guy” in relationship dynamics if u wanna oversimplify it and boil it down to typical roles idk how else to easily explain it like ofc neither of us are the man in the relationship bc we are both women thats the whole point but like.. id even say my mom is ”the man” in her relationships and shes straight and has only ever been with men like its a dynamics thing its not even about gender its just ur vibe and personality type idk if u get it u get it im getting off topic this is a mess