#idk if i necessarily identify as trans but id started using he/him pronouns before i first saw devs and smth abt it just made me feel seen

[phagodyke]

i saw devs when it came out + then kinda forgot it existed for years but i remember rly liking it so im rewatching now and this might sound kinda dumb but lyndon being played by a woman was genuinely a gender turning point for me like its never commented on or made into a whole deal its just. a cis actress playing a cis guy

[pinkpeccary]

all the trans ask game asks !!!!!!!!!!! or any five, if that's too many !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^-^

under the cut bc long

1. How did you choose your name?i still use my birth name irl, because it’s familiar and i like it, but i use ollie on here bc it’s the name i would change to if i changed. i like it because it’s gender neutral, leaning masc, but could easily not be. it actually started as a name for characters i made up, and eventually i realized i liked it enough to use it for myself.

2. What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)probably when people assume me to be a girl and refer to me as such. like it bothers me less if the person knows it’s not totally accurate, and it depends on the circumstances and the person and the word they use (i’m pretty okay with girlfriend or sister), but that’s the big one.

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?i’d say more social, the physical stuff comes and goes and i can control for a lot of it with clothing

4. What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?idk really, i think i just try to distract myself by being around people i trust and just doing something else to get my mind off it. if it’s a physical thing i might change clothes to something that makes it a little less strong.

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?junior year of high school, when my trans male friend was talking to our theater teacher about the complications of passing and being out and shit and mentioned demigenders as a complicating factor in that it’s not as black and white binary as people think

6. When did you realize you were transgender?probably a few months after i started thinking about it, the process was a little weird because i went from “i’m a girl” to “i’m a demigirl” to “i’m agender” and so on, but yeah

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?this isn’t true of every trans person, but personally i find it very freeing from gender roles and biases. because i’m fluid and have difficulty conceptualizing gender in the first place, i can kind of just respond to any “x gender does this” thing with either “that applies to me” or that it doesn’t, regardless of the gender they name. 

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?i think i’d self-describe as genderfluid. idk what between, but i think it is fluid and it feels different from day to day. i can’t easily conceptualize how gender works, so most of my descriptions are based of vague feelings. lately i’ve been leaning masc (gender-wise, not necessarily presentation-wise).

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?i talked to my mom about it a bunch during the process and that was fine. i didn’t really tell anyone in high school because it never came up and i didn’t know how to bring it up. at college it’s fairly straightforward, it’s customary to share pronouns when you meet people here, so i say i use whatever pronouns and that’s that. i’ve only really gotten into the details of it with [k tag].

10. What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?haven’t really tried it, i don’t really get bottom dysphoria

11. What are your experiences with binding or tucking?binding works somewhat. i don’t like that i have to wear a shirt over the binder to really get flat; if i just wear the binder it doesn’t look as smooth.

12. Do you pass?i mean the obvious response to this is “as what?” i don’t read male bc i’m smol, have a round face and a girl’s name, etc. in terms of dress i think i’m probably read as queer in some way, because of short hair and occasional “boy” clothes, but idk what people think my gender is by looking.

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?i want top surgery. idk how that’ll work, because i’ve been trying to get it arranged for this summer but being home is a bad experience so idk how that’s going to work. also i haven’t looked into this much but getting rid of the ability to be pregnant would be A+.

14. How long have you been out?since i got to college pretty much, so about 8 months or so

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?so the ones i can remember off the top of my head, in no particular order: demigirl, caedogirl, commogirl, agender, agenderflux, nonbinary girl, stargender

16. Have you ever experienced transphobia?only microaggressions, like people using overly binary language or assuming me to be a girl, etc.

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?my college has all gender neutral bathrooms. elsewise it depends on where i am, if i feel safe doing so i’ll use whichever bathroom is free/closer because i feel like i can identify with both binary genders to the same extent in that case

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?my mom’s supportive, so’s my dad as far as i can tell, idk if my sister knows and i don’t care, my brother definitely does not know bc i’ve never really explained it to him (and it would be hard bc he’s got some cognitive issues and is still kinda young so it would take a while) but he’s wonderful and i’m sure he would be fine with it

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?i wouldn’t. i don’t want to read as binary in either direction.

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?i wish i could’ve figured this out when i was like 10. i had major dysphoria all through puberty and ignored it on the basis that it was “probably just body image issues” and that i had “more important things to worry about.” i wish i could’ve known this was a possibility then so i maybe could’ve done something earlier.

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use?i use it pronouns. i don’t like binary pronouns bc i’m not binary, and i don’t like neopronouns bc they’re too weird for me (not that they’re bad, i just don’t personally like them). singular they sits weird in my head because it uses verbs in plural tense, even as a singular word. it is my compromise for that, as a singular gender neutral pronoun. it also has the added benefit of feeling right for when i want to distance myself from personhood, which i do as a mentally ill / autistic thing sometimes.

22. Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?absofuckinglutely. i can’t conceptualize it. i really like things to make sense bc #autism, and gender doesn’t make any fucking sense. 

23. What’s your biggest trans-related fear?i don’t really know. i guess maybe people not letting me be who i am? idk. i’m in a pretty good place wrt physical danger, bc i pass as my agab, live in a pretty liberal place, and am v white. so idk.

24. What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?ignoring gendered clothing, stopped having periods, telling people i use any pronouns

25. What do you wish cis people understood?i want them to know what it’s like to not be certain in your gender. i can’t understand what that certainty feels like, but it seems really strong in most cis people (and some trans people as well) and i want them to understand that not everyone has that.

26. What impact has being trans affected your life?i mean it’s a major part of my identity, so probably a lot, but idk specifics. 

27. What do you do to validate yourself?i really like the phrase “i’m the prettiest boy.” i’ll usually say that in my head when i’m having a good day, or like when i’m getting dressed in the morning and i like my outfit (even if it’s a girly outfit). it’s not technically accurate, bc i’m not really a boy, but i would prefer to be read as a boy than a girl.

28. How do you feel about trans representation in media?it’s pretty shit. there’s a couple good reps, but mostly you don’t really see it. also nonbinary rep is absolutely terrible.

29. Who is your favorite trans celebrity?ngl the only one i know is laverne cox

30. Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?idk

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?last semester i went to my college’s trans affinity space (this semester it conflicted with a class i’m taking). online i just kinda talk about my gender sometimes, i’m not really that involved.

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?probably the same (autistic genderfluid), presenting boy-ish, etc.

33. What trans issue are you most passionate about?i have no passions 

(this is a lie i have many SpIns)

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?whatever you id as and whatever you feel comfortable sharing is totally cool and you are rad

35. How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?i mean i’d honestly say my gender identity is probably a symptom of my disability. aside from that i’ve got the thin white kid privilege in that i look like the stereotypical nonbinary. i’m fairly privileged in terms of trans stuff based on location, circumstances, appearance, etc, so yeah.

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?i wear what i feel like for the day. i like sundresses, and usually think of myself as more “boy in a dress” though it definitely doesn’t read that way. sometimes i wear more boys clothes, and i think i just read kind of butch rather than “boy”.

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?i lean masc on the basis of i’d rather err on that end of the spectrum. it’s like a balance between how i’m seen and how i feel, and the “girl” end already has a whole bunch of stuff, so i’m balancing it out by being more “boy”

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?in big words it’s grayromantic acespike. it’s connected to my gender in the sense that it’s probably also a result of being autistic. i’ve only really been attracted to one person (my current bf), and i guess the only comment i’ll make is sometimes there’s an implication that i’m not gay enough, not because of being a-spec but bc the only person i’ve demonstrated attraction towards is the opposite binary gender from my agab. so. that’s a thing.

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?i really don’t care. [d tag] isn’t, and he’s wonderful, so i don’t think it matters to me.

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?i just kind of distract myself. there’s only really one thing i want to do, and i’ve been living with dysphoria for long enough that i can kinda just wait it out until it happens.

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?tumblr

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?i have a bunch of trans friends (not so much in my immediate friend group) but yeah

43. Are you involved in any trans-related activism?no

44. Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.i don’t have the spoons to come up with a question rn but this was fun