#idk if i ever posted aloe on here before but here he is now!!

[calciferwastaken]

"Oh you kissed me just to kiss me, not to make me cry..."

[strwbrryeyes]

can u do daichi and/or tsuki x tennis player! reader who plays singles (1v1 instead of doubles which is 2v2 lool)? hcs or fic would be fine :3 esp w a reader who hurt their wrist mid season n is rlly frustrated bcus they can’t play until next season unless their wrist gets better bcus that happened to me <//3 (i play anyway even if my wrist is shit bcus i love tennis; daichi would scold me so bad for it too <//3) thank uuuu, i think u mentioned exams (or finals idk the difference) in ur latest posts so i hope they went well!!!

𖦹°｡⋆ Wristache and heartache (daichi x reader)

⟡ cw: angst, reader has an injusry and feels hopeless, comfort, fluff, lmk if i missed anything

⟡ a/n: i dont know anything about tennis. im alos bad with titles.

Daichi Sawamura had always admired your dedication to tennis. As the captain of the Karasuno volleyball team, he understood the love and passion that athletes carried for their sport. Daichi also knew the importance of listening to your body, something you seemed to be struggling with ever since you badly injured your wrist.

The injury has been a big  setback and it was starting to take a toll on you. The season was in full swing, and you were supposed to be playing singles matches, something you were no doubt the best at. Yet here you were, on the sidelines, forced to sit out due to the sharp pain in your wrist. You couldn’t even try to step foot onto the court during games or team practice because your coach had made it clear: no matches until you were fully healed and cleared by the doctor and although this decision was the right one and a necessary one, it still left you feeling frustrated and heartbroken.

Despite the pain and coach’s orders, you couldn't stay away from the court for too long. Every day after school, you'd find yourself at the community center’s tennis courts, practicing your serves and forehands, wincing occasionally when the pain shot through your wrist. You knew it was risky, but tennis was your entire life and ticket to a scholarship for university. You couldn't afford to be away from it for possibly the rest of the season. However, your secret trips to the tennis court were short lived.

Daichi watched you from a distance one afternoon, his brows furrowing with concern. He had come to pick you up like he has been for the last few day, but seeing you push yourself despite your injury was beginning to worry him more than usual. He approached you slowly, hands in his pockets, trying to find the right words.

“[name],” Daichi calls out with a firm voice that had a hint of worry “we need to talk.”

You looked up, surprised to see him there. You hadn't expected him to come this early. "Hey, Daichi. Just give me a few more minutes. I need to work on my backhand." You said before turning back to throw a tennis ball into the air until Daichi took the tennis racket away from you.

Daichi shook his head, his expression stern. "No, we need to talk now. You're pushing yourself too hard. You need to rest."

You sighed, frustration bubbling up inside you. "I can't just sit around and do nothing, Daichi. Tennis means everything to me. If I don't practice, I'll lose all I’ve worked for these past three years!" you say as you snatch your racket back from him.

He walked over to you, taking the racket from your hand gently once again and setting it aside. "And what good is practicing if it only makes your injury worse? You won't be able to play at all if you don't let your wrist heal and then that’ll make you feel worse!”

"But what if I never get better? What if this is it for me?" Tears of frustration welled up in your eyes as you shout at Daichi.

Daichi's expression softened. He reached out, cupping your face in his hands. "You will get better but to do so, you have to be patient. I know it's hard and the last thing you want to do right now, but sometimes the best way to keep going is to take a step back and heal. I'm here for you, and I am sure your team is too. You don't have to go through this alone."

"I just miss it so much, Daichi. I feel so useless." You leaned into his touch, finding comfort in his words, allowing you to let a few tears roll down your face.

"You're not useless," he assured you, his thumbs brushing away your tears. "You're one of the strongest people I know. Strength isn't just about pushing through pain, it's also about knowing when to rest and take care of yourself."

You nodded, his words sinking in. "Okay," you whispered. "I'll try to rest more."

Daichi smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "That's my girl. And don't worry, I'll make sure you stay out of trouble."

You chuckled softly, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders. "I'm counting on you."

The following weeks were a test of your patience but as promised, Daichi kept a close eye on you, making sure you followed the doctor's orders and rested your wrist and the rest of your body, making sure you were fully relaxed and at ease. It wasn't easy, and there were days when you felt like giving up, but Daichi's support helped you stay strong the whole way through.

He'd often join you at the courts, not to practice but to keep you company as you watched your team practice while you were on the sidelines. He'd even bring his volleyball team along, turning your forced downtime into fun, supportive gatherings as everyone loved their captain’s sweet girlfriend. It wasn't the same as playing tennis with your team in the moment, but it reminded you that you had a strong support system no matter where you went, and that made you feel so much better about this tennis break.

Slowly but surely, your wrist began to heal and you started feeling better. The day you were finally cleared to play again was a moment of pure happiness, not just for you, but for everyone who had supported you through this slump and setback.

As you stepped onto the court for your first match back, you looked over to the sidelines where Daichi stood along with his own team, cheering you on with a proud smile. You knew you couldn't have made it through without him. 

And as the match started, all you could feel was happiness, determination, and most importantly, thankful for your loving boyfriend who was there for you every step of the way because without him, you aren’t sure you would have made it through these last few weeks.

With Daichi by your side, you can do anything.

[softxsuki]

Alo!!

1.5k is such a huge number omg! Congrats!!!!!!

Id love to participate in your trope drabble event.

Trope 15 with the haikyuu fandom and a fem!reader.

Thank you and congrats again!!! Many hugs 🤗

1.5k Follower Event Trope #15 Haikyuu

Trope 15: You fall first, but he falls harder

This event is now closed. You can view the masterlist here.

| Pairing: Oikawa x Fem!Reader | Genre: Fluff | Post-Type: Drabble | Word Count: 630 |

Warnings: Kissing

Note: ...hi. The way I keep promising to finish these on time and it just never happens bc writers block slaps me in the face. Shout out to my friend for giving me some inspo with this since Oikawa is her man. IDK why he was the first face to pop up in my head when I thought of this trope, but it worked out. I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS. I've come to realize how hard it is to write a whole trope progression in just 500 words. These need to be full chapter stories honestly. BUT HERE WE GO a snippet of what this would look like with Oikawa! ANON, I hope you're still around to see this NFKEAKJ. I'm the worst.

“Eyes on me gorgeous,” Oikawa hums against your lips before his game, possessing your lips in front of the crowd with a smirk, as a few of his fangirls whine in the background.

You wore one of his spare jerseys he had given you a few months after getting together and you’d worn it to every match with pride ever since.

“Of course, who else would I be looking at?” You laugh, pressing another quick peck to his lips, taking his hands in yours.

“Hmm Iwa-chan?” He pouts, remembering how loud you cheered for his teammate and best friend at last week’s match when he scored the winning point. He wasn’t pleased at all and was a pouty mess the whole time when walking you back home. Cute.

“Oh stop you big baby, you know I’m your biggest supporter here, so knock them off their feet, Toru,” you smirk, giving his hand a squeeze.

“You better be,” he smiles, patting your head. “See you after the match?” He asks slowly, his eyes bright.

“Of course. I’ll be watching the whole time. Now go before your coach pops a blood vessel,” you laugh, shaking your head as the coach screams for Oikawa again, clearly stressed about the match. With one last nod, he waves at you with a little wink before running off to the court.

The crowd roars with excitement as each group huddles together for their pregame pep talk, hyping each other up for the match that would soon start. You slowly make your way back up the bleachers, taking your seat where you’d cheer for your cocky setter boyfriend, feeling a little reminiscent of how you got here.

It felt like only yesterday when you were on these same bleachers cheering for Oikawa before he even knew you existed. It took one leap of faith to approach him after the sea of his fangirls had dispersed, leaving him alone after his successful match. You had quietly approached him, handing him the small gift bag you had prepared with a few snacks and other things you hoped he would like. 

It was at that moment when he felt his heart melt. The girl he had never seen before had then taken over his every waking minute. Your attention and praise was more wholesome than the compliments he was thrown by his fans. He couldn’t help the thought that crossed his mind as you quickly ran off as soon as your friends called you. I’m gonna marry that woman. Cliche, yes, but his heart was completely yours after that day. 

Knowing you were his fan, he’d look for you in the crowd before his match, wanting to catch a glimpse of you before the game, hoping you were there watching him and cheering him on. One match in particular made his heart stop when he spotted you standing there, a beautiful smile on your face as you wore a fan-made jersey with his number on it. He felt glued in place, until Iwaizumi smacked him on the shoulder to bring him back to their game-plan to make sure they were all on the same page. That was the day Oikawa decided he’d make you his one day.

You shake your head, remembering the day he had asked you out; how nervous the cocky captain was, though it had all paid off in the end. At that moment, Oikawa smacks the ball, shaking you from your thoughts. He had just won the game for his team as they all run to smash him into a group hug.

As usual, as the boys surround him, his eyes dart to the crowd until they find yours, a large smile appearing on his face as he sees you already screaming in celebration from their win. What a lucky man he was.

Posted: 8/26/2024

[ahsbitch]

A Walk In The Woods

Word Count: 5762

Summary: You find a wild Michael Langdon in the woods, and after deciding that he definitely needs some help, you invite him back home with you. 

Warnings:  Smut, 69ing, so obviously oral happens, Male and Female Receiving, A Bit Of Praise Kink, unprotected sex, Vaginal Intercourse, Sad Boi Michael, some cockwarming at the end (obviously I’m v into cockwarming, don’t @ me) Shitty Writing, lots of cursing, that’s all I can think of

A/N: I’m sure this is awful but idk I put effort into it so I’m posting it. Also I should totally wait to post til tomorrow bc it’s like midnight but?? I really wanted to post it today so I’m just going for it. Hope y’all enjoy, comments are Always appreciated, much love! ♥️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking barefoot in the woods was probably your most ridiculous hobby, but it was probably your favorite as well. 

There was always something to discover in the woods.

You tried to take a forest walk at least once a week, on Sundays. You would be gone for hours, wandering, feeling the ups and downs of the universe all around you.

There was always something to discover in the woods, and it was always something different.

Often you would stop in sunny patches and meditated. Sometimes you could feel the musings of something greater than you, running through you. 

Occasionally, you would find a wounded animal, typically just small things like squirrels or sparrows, although sometimes bigger creatures, a deer, an owl, a fox, things along those lines. You felt a responsibility to them, to help them, to clean them up and help them heal and get them better enough to go off on their journeys in life. 

On this particular walk, you found a type of wounded animal you’d never dealt with before. 

Michael Langdon. 

You found him wandering the woods, bleary eyed, coated in scratches and sunburns. 

“Are you alright, sir?” You moved slowly closer to him, not worried for yourself but afraid to startle him. 

The man was beautiful, you could tell he was beneath the dirt that covered him. 

You had startled him, it seemed, as he looked up at you with wild, piercing eyes, raising a hand and sending you flying back against a tree, pinning you there by the throat. 

Well, fuck. 

Your hands clawed at your neck in spite of yourself, trying to pull at something that wasn’t there. You wouldn’t have tried at all, if you were capable of rational thought, would have let it happen as you had great faith that the mystery man was going to let you go, but of course when one loses the ability to breathe, one’s body tends to panic in spite of what the mind may wish for. 

After a few seconds, you dropped to the ground, gasping for air.

Breathe in...Breathe out...Breathe in...Breathe out...Breath in..

“I’m sorry,” You stood up, keeping your gaze on the ground but taking a step towards him.

Although you still didn’t look him in the face, you could tell just from his voice that the man was confused, wandering closer to you, “Why are you sorry?”

Shrugging, you lifted your head from the ground, although you still kept it below eye level, “I frightened you. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

“I,” He frowned, and you focused your eyes on his mouth, “I attacked you.”

“Because I frightened you. I was trying not to, but I did, and I’m very sorry for it.”

“Is that why you won’t look me in the eye?” He sounded curious, and his mouth curved into a funny little smile, “Because you’re sorry?” 

“Because direct eye contact can be intimidating,” You explained, “I don’t want to upset you again.” 

Biting his lower lip, the man extended his hand, “It’s okay. I’m... my name is Michael. I’m sorry for...what I did. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

You took his hand, feeling a zip of electricity shoot through you, and finally looked into his eyes, “It’s okay. I’ve been hurt worse. Wasn’t a big deal. I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you, Michael.”

Brows scrunched together over his crystalline blue eyes, Michael cleared his throat, “It’s nice to meet you too, Y/N. I’m sorry for bothering you, I- I should let you go.”

You weren’t quite sure whether he meant that literally or figuratively, as he was still clutching at your hand like a lifeline. 

“Hang on,” Drawing him closer, you reached a careful hand up to his face, hesitating at the way he flinched, then stilled, his eyes flickering to the side anxiously, but allowing you to cup his cheek and examine him, “How long have you been out here?” 

Michael looked unsure of himself, leaning into your hand ever so slightly and seemingly not even conscious of it, “A few days, I think. I was doing a, well, I was doing something, but it didn’t work, and then I tried to make my way back to the city, but I kinda got lost.” 

“You must be starving,” You pulled away from him, straightening up, “I can take you back to the city, and you can come to my place for a little bit.”

You were already walking, and after a moment you heard Michael hurry to follow you, “What do you mean?”

“You said you were lost. I don’t think you just mean physically. Besides, you must be hungry, and no offense, but you’re kind of a mess right now,” You glanced back at him, giving a small smile when you saw his shocked expression, “You need help. I’m happy to give it.” 

“Why?” Michael moved to your side, walking in step with you, “Why would you help me? What if I’m a murderer?” 

“Even if you are, I don’t think you’ll murder me. If you do, I’d ask that you do it quickly, that’s just a little personal preference of mine, although of course if you’re some truly evil serial killer then I doubt you’d care much about my preferences,” Shrugging, you grasped his hand in yours and pulled him behind you, feeling another volt of electricity crackle through your veins as you led him back to the city. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You have a nice place,” Michael told you hesitantly as you made your way up the front steps of your apartment building. 

You almost laughed at that, but when you glanced back at him he looked so genuine in the compliment that you paused, pulling him inside, “You... you know this whole place isn’t mine, right? It’s an apartment building. My place is pretty not nice, actually. I mean, I like it, but it’s small and not very fancy, y’know?”

“Oh,” He looked a little embarrassed, and you could tell that he had thought the whole building belonged to you. He looked like someone who was used to money and big houses, or at least he looked like he would look like that if he didn’t currently look like he’d been attacked by some sort of weather monster and was now on the verge of passing out. 

“Sit,” You said simply, gesturing to the couch, and you hurried to get a glass of water, handing it to him, “Drink.” 

Bustling your way back to the kitchen, you looked back to see him staring at the cup, and you repeated, “Michael. Drink the water. Come on,” You turned to the plants on your windowsill, grabbing your kitchen shears, “Do you mind?”

“Do I mind drinking water?” Michael asked, confusion evident. 

“Not you,” You turned to him with a smile, nodding, “You don’t have a choice there. Drink the water. I was talking to Tennyson.”

“Who’s Tennyson?”

He had finished the cup of water, and you took it and refilled it before gesturing to the aloe vera plant that you had just trimmed a stalk off of, returning the cup to him, “The plant. The full name is Aloe, Lord Tennyson.”

“You name your plants?” Clearing his throat, Michael took a sip of the new cup of water, “You... talk to your plants?” 

Shrugging, you split the long leaf in half, scooping some of the gel inside onto your fingers, “Yes, and yes. Now this may hurt a bit, just a warning.”

You pressed against his forehead as gently as you could, where a large pinkish red sunburn rested, and Michael let out a hiss and suddenly you were flying across the room, hitting the wall. He didn’t hold you in place or choke you this time, at least, and in a moment he had leapt from the couch and hurried over to you, “I’m so sorry. It hurt and I wasn’t expecting it, I-”

“It’s okay,” You let Michael pull you to your feet, holding onto his hand ever more tightly as you looked at his ashen face and downtrodden expression, “I should’ve given you better warning. Listen, I’ll doctor you up later. Let’s get you in a bath, first, okay? You can bathe and I’ll make some food and then, after, we can take care of your sunburns and scrapes.”

“I keep hurting you,” Michael pulled his hand away, looking at it as though your touch had burned him, “And you keep being nice to me.” 

“If you were doing it on purpose, I’d be less nice. But you’re not, I can tell. Now, follow,” You led the way to your small bathroom, starting to fill the tub with water. 

Michael sat on the edge of the tub, watching you adjust the temperature and light the candles that lay at the corners and pour in some bubble bath. He stared as you moved, humming to yourself, and when you stood and started to step away, “I have some old clothes that I think will fit you. They’re not particularly fancy, like what you’re wearing now, but they’re clean. I’ll drop them off once I get some dinner started, okay?” 

Nodding, Michael began to undo the buttons of his shirt, and you hurried out of the room. 

He was still lost, even though he wasn’t in the woods anymore. And you were determined to help him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N?” Michael called, cracking the bathroom door open, “I’m dressed and everything.”

“Great! Hop up on the counter for me, okay? Just hang tight,” You grabbed the bowl of aloe gel that you had scraped from the plant and a box of band aids and hurried back to the bathroom.

He was perched next to your sink, and you tapped at his knees. Michael frowned but opened his legs so you could stand in between them, “Why am I on your counter, exactly?”

“Because it’s time for me to play doctor. I’m going to touch your face, okay?” You cupped his cheek in your hand and tugged him down, beginning to dab gel onto his sunburns and clean the long scratches that streaked across his features, “Are you comfortable? Do the sweatpants fit okay and everything?” 

“They’re fine,” Michael mumbled, flinching when you pressed a band aid to one of the deeper cuts on his forehead, his hand curling into a fist. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, letting his other hand rest gently on your shoulder, “I appreciate you letting me borrow them. And letting me use your bathtub, and well, and everything else.” 

You nodded, taking in a deep breath and finally moving your attention to notice that he was staring at you, smiling at him, “You used my shampoo.”

“Oh, yeah,” He turned pink, “Yeah, is that okay? It smelled like strawberries and it was right there so I just...”

“Of course! Not a problem at all. You smell nice,” You were looking straight at him now, and he continued to stare, and just when you’d tilted your head to the side, trying to discern what exactly Michael was thinking, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours. 

The hand that had rested on your shoulder came up to stroke your face, and then as quickly as it had started, it was done, and he had pulled away from you, turning his head sheepishly to the side. 

Clearing your throat nervously, you stepped back, “Do you like tomato soup?” 

“Yes,” Michael hopped off the counter, following you to the kitchen, although he stayed about four steps behind you. 

The two of you sat in silence for a while, looking at each other over bowls of soup and large dinner rolls. 

Your lips still buzzed from the memory of him against you, but you tried to ignore that. Michael scarfed food down for a while, and you simply kept refilling his bowl until he finally started to slow down, and then you asked carefully, “So, Michael. What’s gotten you lost like this. Tell me where you came from. Tell me about your parents.”  

“There isn’t much to tell about them,” Michael turned red, and he steadfastly refused to make eye contact with you, “My father abandoned me, and my mother tried to kill me. There’s only one person who’s ever really cared, who hasn’t abandoned me, and she’s gone now.”

“I’m sorry,” You said earnestly, letting your hand reach out just far enough to brush against his, “Humanity is unkind, often especially so to those who need kindness the most.” 

Michael had a curious way of frowning, his confusion always quite evident. His eyes would widen and his brows would move, displaying everything he was feeling. It was cute, honestly. 

“I’m sorry about earlier,” He said finally bluntly, having been staring at you in silence, “I shouldn’t have done that. You’re just...I mean... I was gonna try to just not mention it, but you’re so nice and I feel bad.”

“You should’ve asked first,” Drawing your hand away, you tried to make eye contact with him, but now he was avoiding your gaze, “For a lot of reasons. But I’m not mad at you.” 

“You’re not? I know I should’ve asked, I’m just... I’m not used to having to ask for things. I know that’s not a good excuse, but I don’t really know what to say. I’m just sorry,” Michael was frowning even deeper than before. 

Shrugging, you reached back across the table, this time allowing your fingers to stroke along his jaw, “The fact that you’re sorry is enough. Just... don’t go around kissing strangers with no warning, okay?”

“Okay,” He smiled, leaning into your hand, a strange rumbling noise emanating from deep in his chest, almost like a purr.

Suddenly, you felt a bolt of desire shoot through you, seemingly out of nowhere, and you shifted a little in your seat, “Are you done eating?” 

“Yeah, I’m good. Thank you for the food. I can find somewhere to go, I’m sure,” Pulling away from you, Michael started to stand, and you rushed to stand too.

“What do you mean? Why would you go anywhere?” You grabbed his arm, trying to hold him in place even as he brushed you away. 

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

A burden? 

“If you were going to be a burden, I wouldn’t have brought you here at all. Spend the night,” Squeezing at his wrist gently, you moved to stand in front of him.

Michael looked utterly taken aback by this, “Really? Are you sure?” 

You tugged him along behind you, to your bedroom, bringing him to sit on your bed and collapsing down next to him. 

“I’m sure,” Turning towards him, you tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear and leaned forward, looking deeply into his eyes, “You’re the opposite of a burden, and I can prove it.” 

Michael’s breathing hitched, and he moved closer to you, closing his eyes and letting out a slow breath, “I really wanna kiss you again.” 

“You can,” You said simply, wanting to kiss him very badly, but having decided that he needed to be the one to initiate it.

“But you said-”

“I said you should ask first,” You placed a hand on his cheek, feeling something crackling in the air, his skin soft against your own.

“Y/N,” Michael leaned into you, and another rumble rolled from his chest, “May I please kiss you?”

“You can do a lot more than that. I want to show you that you’re not a burden. You deserve to feel good,” And then his mouth was on yours, and something deeper than electricity was running through you. 

He kissed you like a teenager, not pulling you closer to him but pushing his upper body forward, and you let out a giggle in spite of yourself.

Pulling back suddenly, Michael frowned, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry. Did I... did I do something wrong?”

“No, don’t be sorry!” You rolled your shoulders back, wishing that you two were still touching, a wave of regret hitting you when you saw the wounded look in his eyes, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you, Michael, I just... I feel a lot of things right now, y’know? But they’re all good things! I’m just, well, shit, I’m rambling. I’m going to stop talking now and, uh, and take off my shirt. Take your shirt off? Please?” 

Michael’s eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to speak but closed it immediately when he saw you slip off your shirt, fumbling with the fabric of his own, letting out a shout as it got stuck over his head. 

“Fuck!” The fabric had bunched around his face, his voice slightly muffled, “Dammit, fucking, Y/N, help me!” 

Choking back a laugh, you climbed into his lap and assisted him in wrestling off the shirt, letting another giggle slip out at his look of relief once it was free, which instantly transformed into one of shock as he looked at you, and you could feel yourself starting to blush in spite of your best attempts not to, “Okay, you good?”

He let out a slow breath, eyes trained on securely on your breasts, covered in a lacy white bra, “I’m much more than good. I’m fantastic. Can I... I mean... can I kiss you again? Can I maybe touch you?” 

“I want you to feel good, Michael. Yes,” You gave him a quick kiss on the tip of the nose, smiling at the way he scrunched it up in response. 

Then Michael was kissing you again, and fuck it felt good, his skin ever so slightly prickling against you, and then he raised a tentative hand to your chest, swiping across your left nipple briefly. 

You let out a moan that you hadn’t expected, and he froze for a moment, beginning to slowly swirl his thumb around the covered bud. Suddenly his lips were gone from yours and wrapped around your right nipple, flicking his tongue against it experimentally, and he pulled back with a grin as you let out another breathy moan.

You sounded like a fucking porn star, what the fuck?

“Wow, you’re sensitive,” Michael teased, bringing his other hand up to replace his mouth, “Can I take your bra off?”

“I’ll get it. And I’m not this sensitive, not normally,” You panted, grinding down against him without thinking about it, reaching behind your back to unclasp, and letting out a high pitched whine when his hands were finally on your bare skin, “I mean, not like this. This is... this is you, I think.” 

You could already feel him hard underneath you, but at your words his erection became even more prominent, pressed firmly against your inner thigh.

The rumbling noise came from deep in Michael’s chest once again, and you decided that it was in fact a purr, or something damn close to one. He was beaming now, and there was something almost childlike about him when he looked so joyful, and there was an obvious note of pride in his voice, “Really? Me? Do you think I could make you cum doing this?” 

He pinched lightly and you gasped, head rolling back, “Probably, but not right now, okay? I wanna-fuck-I wanna-”

You couldn’t finish your sentence, couldn’t think of what was supposed to come next, and carefully you gripped Michael’s wrists, pulling his hands away from you and sliding off of his lap. 

With a pout, Michael watched you move between his legs, an eyebrow raised, “Was it really that intense?” 

“It was,” You glanced up at him from where you now lay, pressing a soft kiss to his cock through his sweatpants, your mind still strangely fogged, “It was... weird. Good weird, but weird. Are you secretly magical or something?” 

He barked a short laugh just a little too quickly for it to sound natural, but you figured that was maybe because you were mouthing along the outline of his dick, his hips bucking up every so slightly, and he was perhaps a bit too distracted to act like your terrible joke was funny. 

Just as you were sliding the sweatpants down his hips, Michael threaded his hands in your hair, tugging gently so that you’d look up at him, a blissful smile on his face as he watched you, “You’re so pretty, do you know that? You’re beautiful.” 

His dick had sprung out of his pants then, bouncing up to his stomach, and you weren’t able to respond at first because fucking hell, it was the most perfect dick you’d ever seen. Thick, veiny, a nice shade of pink although the tip had turned an angry red, and fuck it was big, probably too big, but you weren’t planning to complain about that. Finally, you snapped yourself out of your daze, looking back up at him with a laugh, “You’re just saying that because I’m about to suck your cock.” 

“No!” Michael looked shocked by the very thought, his hips bucking again, ever so slightly, at the feeling of your breath on his skin, “No, I’m serious. You’re so gorgeous, I-fuck-” You licked a line up the length of his cock, and he grabbed desperately at your shoulders, making you pause, “Dammit, I really want you to sit on my face.” 

Your thighs clenched, and you looked up at him, shaking your head to clear your thoughts, “I, I mean, no. I told you, I want to make you feel good. Not-”

“But it will!” Michael tugged at you, bringing you up until he could press a fervent kiss to your lips, “I want to. So bad. Please, Y/N, please do it. Please let me. Please.” 

Fucking hell, was he trying to kill you? 

“But I... I wanted you to feel good. Don’t you want me to...” You trailed off, trying to think as Michael kissed your neck. 

“I do, believe, me, I really do, but I also want this.”

“I’ve never done that before,” You admitted, feeling your face get hot with embarrassment, “Honestly, I’m afraid I’d end up accidentally smothering whoever I was with.” 

“That wouldn’t happen,” Michael assured, kicking his sweatpants the rest of the way off, and you find yourself peeling your own leggings off even though you still weren’t sure of what you were doing, and he hooked his fingers into your panties, a smirk on his face, “And even if it did, I can guarantee you that there would be no better way to die.” 

“Okay,” You let out a deep breath, letting out a contented hiss as he brushed his long fingers over your clit, “But I still want to give you a blowjob, okay?” 

“You can. Just face that way,” Michael grinned, ripping your panties off with one sharp tug. 

You were about to scold him, but then his fingers were pressing into your folds, and you gave a quiet gasp, “Michael, fuck.”

He laid down, hands tapping away at his stomach as he waited for you. Hesitantly, you crawled up the bed, turning so that you could look down the length of his body, and knelt over his face. 

You bent down, lifting his cock up and running your fingers along the underside of it, kissing the tip, and you felt him let out a shaky breath beneath you. 

“Fucking hell, you taste amazing,” Michael whispered, wrapping his hands around your thighs and pulling you down against him completely. 

He made the purring noise once more, sucking fervently at your clit, and you let out a shriek at the feeling of it rumbling through you. Pulling your legs even further apart, he buried his tongue into your folds, and finally, you opened your mouth as wide as you could and sunk down over his cock until his tip brushed the back of your throat. 

When he moved back to your clit, giving it careful kitten licks, you buried your finger nails into his thighs. At this, he groaned, thrusting up into your mouth, and you gagged. 

This was... what? The third time today he’d accidentally choked you? You hadn’t been angry during any of the other times, but this was the time that probably bothered you the least. 

“Sorry, babe, I’m sorry,” He rasped, and although you could hardly hear him, between the feeling of his words vibrating against you and the intense presence of Michael Langdon that filled the air around you, you knew exactly what he was saying. 

Babe.

It was such a gentle word from him, the way it rolled off his tongue so naturally making butterflies start fluttering in your stomach. 

Well, that, and the fact that the feeling of Michael against you was extraordinary, and you were feeling the tight, delightful bubble that signaled your impending orgasm beginning to form. 

You sucked harder. 

It took only a few minutes of this, of you licking and sucking, running your teeth over the pulsing vein that streaked along the side, before you felt him flex his thigh muscles beneath your hands, his salty cum splashing into your mouth. 

It was sweet alongside the salty, a strange mixture of the two, not unlike a chocolate covered pretzel, and you swallowed every drop you could before licking frantically along to make sure you didn’t miss anything. 

“Fuck,” He growled, something authoritative, almost dangerous, flooding through the air. 

Michael lifted you off of him as though you weighed nothing more than a ragdoll and tossed you down onto the mattress on your back, his lips suctioning around your clit once again, two fingers buried deep inside of you. 

You held onto his shoulders as his fingers scissored inside you, squeezing your legs tight around his head unintentionally. You felt him chuckle into your folds at that, and he removed his fingers from you momentarily to pull your legs over his shoulders. 

“Michael!” You mewled, your hips straining to jolt upward, and then he was moving faster, faster, adding a third finger that brushed a spot deeper inside you than anything else had ever reached. Your entire body clenched, and then suddenly you felt the waves of your climax wash over you. 

When your head was fully back, Michael had straightened up, examining his fingers, which were coated in your juices. 

“Fucking hell, Michael, I didn’t need to finish just then. You could’ve waited until you were fucking me for real,” You sat up on your forearms, laughing as you looked down at him. 

“Sorry,” Frowning, Michael pulled away, “Was that too much?” 

Why was he so goddamn sweet?

Moving to your knees, you pulled his face up to yours and kissed him, the taste of yourself that lingered on his tongue mixing with the salty remains of Michael on your own tongue, and you let out a low groan, pulling back to give him a smile, “No. It was wonderful.” 

“Okay. Can we... I mean,” He turned red, looking away from you, “Would you possibly consider riding me? Or do you want to stop now?” 

You rolled to the side, gesturing for Michael to move up the bed, and after a moment he did, sitting up against the headboard. Climbing into his lap in one swift movement, you let out a quiet moan at the feeling of him against your folds, his tip pressed against your interest. He swiped his hand between the two of you, gathering the fluids that had spilled from you and rubbing it onto his cock, lubing himself up with the remnants of your last orgasm. 

“Do you mind going slow?” You asked meekly, burying your face against his chest as you rocked against him, “I’m sorry, just, you’re really big.”

“Of course,” He cooed, running his hands through your hair, and finally you began sliding down the length of his cock. Burying your teeth into his neck, you tried to concentrate on how good this would feel once you got used to the stretch, the burn, and he whispered in your ear, “You’re doing so good. You-shit-you take my cock wonderfully, do you know that? It’s okay, I know it hurts, but you’re doing great.” 

When you had reached the end, and you were filled to the hilt, you gave a careful roll of your hips, testing the waters. You were feeling better now, running your tongue over the spot on his neck you had bitten, before beginning to suck another hickey into his soft skin. At this, Michael bucked into you, his cock hitting all the way up against your cervix, and you let out a shriek. 

You almost laughed at yourself. You had thought his fingers were impressive, but they were nothing compared to the sheer, masterful feeling of Michael inside you, his hands splayed against the small of your back, holding you in place as you leaned into him, taking one of your nipples into his mouth once again. 

“You feel so good, Michael,” You cried out, and Michael made that damn rumbling noise again, “Fuck, do you know that you purr? I love it.”

Although he continued to hold you, he seemed to be trying to hold back from fucking you too harshly, instead occasionally letting himself thrust into you, his eyes rolling back in his head at the way you moaned each time. He paused, looking up at you with a frown, “I don’t purr.” 

You giggled, although it quickly turned into a whimper as he began sucking hickeys into your breasts, and you squeezed his shoulders tightly to concentrate, “You do. You make lots of pretty noises. It makes sense, too. You’ve got such a pretty mouth, such a pretty face, such a pretty cock. You’re so pretty, it’s infected everything you do. And-fucking hell, that feels good-you move so well. Fill me up so well.” 

Michel lolled his head back against the headboard, the purring noise coming out again as you began to grind down harder. You kissed him quickly, watching as his eyes opened suddenly, drinking you in. 

“You’re perfect, Y/N, do you know that? You bounce so well on my cock, and your tits are so fucking perfect,” He paused, clearing his throat, “Was that the right thing to say? I don’t want to be disrespectful. I respect you, too, and all that. You’re just, fuck, you’re so fucking gorgeous and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last.” 

“It’s okay,” You reassured him, looking at his face to see that it was glistening, and it took you a moment to realize that there were tears running down his face. Kissing each one away, licking up the salty trail they had left, you resolved not to mention it or ask why, exactly, he was crying, “I’m not gonna last much longer either. I want you to cum for me, okay? Please, Michael.”

“Should I... should I pull out?” He panted, helping you roll your hips. 

“You don’t have to,” Gasping, desperately, you buried your nails into his shoulders, trying to contain the climax that was beginning to boil through you, “Just, fuck, please finish soon, Michael. I’m going to-”

Nodding, Michael’s thrusting increased. Although he was still cautious, his hands coming up to cup your breasts, you could tell that he was close to his end, as well. 

And he was, and he did, his cum flooding you once more just as you felt yourself boil over, heading hanging back. You couldn’t keep it up anymore, couldn’t concentrate on controlling your body and finishing, and you felt your breath catch in your throat, stars dancing through the air just in front of you. 

Michael held your hips tightly as you came down from your high, and then you had buried your face against his chest once more, arms wrapped around his neck. 

Christ, that took a lot out of you.

You leaned back to see that his eyes had drifted shut, and you leaned forward to press soft kisses against the lids. 

When Michael blinked them back open, his mouth had curved into a sleepy smile, another purr rumbling up from his throat, “That was... wonderful.”

“I agree,” You smiled too, tilting your head to the side as he peppered gentle kisses along your throat, “Now, you’re tired. Do you want me to leave, so that you can get some sleep?”

Michael tensed, clutching at your hips desperately, “Please don’t leave. I mean, I do want to sleep. But please, stay.” 

“Okay,” Mumbling softly, you leaned closer to his ear, “And by the way, I know a place you might wanna check out tomorrow.”

Looking curious at this, Michael brought his nose to your jaw, brushing along it softly, “Where?” 

“Church of Satan. It’s a few blocks away.”

“What?” This snapped him to attention, and he stared at you as though you’d grown a second head, “You’re... are you a Satanist?”

“No. Not a fan of organized religions. I believe in nature, and kindness. In caring for the ones around you who need it. But,” You folded his ear forward, kissing the three small scars behind it as delicately as you could, “I think that it would be beneficial for you to go.” 

“How did you know?” He shifted back so that he could sit more upright against the headboard, and you felt your sore walls pulse around his cock, still buried deep inside you, as you moved. 

You shrugged, “Lucky guess. Now, that’s all. No more talk. You need some sleep.”

Michael looked like he was about to argue with you, but then you pressed your head into his chest once more, and he rested his chin contentedly on top of your shoulder. 

You were almost asleep when he finally spoke up, hands rubbing gently along your spine, his voice hoarse, “Y/N? I just... I wanted to say thank you. I don’t normally say that, but you’re, well, I haven’t been treated with this much kindness, this much care, in a long time. Don’t say anything, I don’t want you to say anything, I just needed to tell you. Thank you.” 

And within moments his breathing had shifted, and he snored quietly, softly, and the snores sounded an awful lot like purrs, and the two of you were as close to each other as was physically possible, his dick softened inside you and his arms wrapped around you, and then you were asleep too, the two of you floating to a dream land that you couldn’t quite name. 

[ogcosmicfragment]

I don't understand GF3. First she made it clear, that they aren't seeing each other again because Armie reminded her of her ex, but now she is always hinting that there is something between them. The bruise on the ass post is also back in the stories again. I think of all three I like her the least.

I think the one that I would mind less - if I wasn't a rotten charmie through and through - is Rumer. She's dealt with some issues of her own but from what she shows she's overcome some of them and worlks constantly on herself to be the best version of herself she ca be. But of course.. she wasn't immune to the allure of "share a song and I'll tell you who you're dating" either.

So, we covered GF2.

Let's move to GF3 and save the best for last. LMAO.

This woman... she's something else. And before any other ado, I have to admit that she fooled me in the beginning, you know the whole scorned woman trying to figure out how to navigate her singleness... but, yeah, no. 😂 she divorced from her husband after 2 years of marriage in 2014 and throughout the end of 2019 (I think? Anyone correct me if I'm giving out wrong infos) according to her IG - "hacked" and wiped clean at the end of 2019 - she was now on now off with her ex-husband.

Something that he stated to be untrue, meaning they weren't back together.. like, ever (color me confused by the tons of pics of them at events from 2016/2018... 🤡).

But you know, apart from all that... she really comes off as a little as little Liz wannabe, you know? Fake wokeness and all that over sharing while pretending to still keep a little privacy. Yeah, that kind of thing... but Liz definitely wins, hands down. GF3 doesn't stand a chance. Other than that she knows what she's doing, she's willing to play it whatever her reason might be but still she wants to cling on that self-respect, self esteem stuff. But, amore mio, you filmed yourself while driving... how much of all that you have left?

Then comes the alleged comment made to People on the likes of "yeah, no, fuck this. Ain't nobody got time to get cheated on AGAIN" ... Idek?! Like, looking at the bigger pic, People has lately become very Liz-friendly (and Hammily friendly before July 10th - my god, I still can't believe it!!!), so I wouldnt, you know, take whatever they write about Armie and people associated with him atm as gospel?!

Buuuut, on the other end.. she could've just as well said it and this is just the nth person who's trying hard to jump on the Armie Hammer's train of "yeah, put your name next to mine on headlines and watch me become a sm personality".

But what shocks me the most is that this person has written/writes, idk, culumns for the New York Times ... like, I know .. someone's job doesn't define who they are but maaan, this is such a paradox! And it's sending me 👀. At the end of the day she can try as much as she wants, she's making a 🤡 out of herself. Maybe, just maybe, crying over spilled milk won't actually help her. If you wanna keep your stuff private you keep them out of social media, period. Not tweak here and there and then geotag/pools/ass/songs.... like? What is it that she expects out of this? 🤷🏻‍♀️

And now my fave, GF1... because I have no words for her. 😂😂😂

She's so shockingly naive and conniving at the same time that the whole thing is just LUDICROUS.

Like, what is it that she can't be even named???? Did Voldemort have a daughter and it's her?! Why is she being relegated to a single letter?! 😂😂 what's with the constant public/private/public/public/private?! What's with all the tweaking and nipping and posting deleting?

Rumor has it she's invested in Aloe Vera plantations cause those ass whoops of not being mentioned nor acknowledged by mediocre outlets won't be forgotten very soon.

I'm gonna leave too with a ss of what Instagram thought was a cool way of welcoming me back... 😂😂🤡 🤡

[beecherdrysdale]

Hello my bbs, hope everyone’s ok!.

The amounts of screenshots I took for this....

To start: haha I guess brigid and Dylan are in the same car together, but who’s at the front? Like Dylan better keep his hands to himself of Jamie’s gonna get jealoussssss. And it’s gonna be chaotic and quinton is gonna jump out of the car lol. Unless you put quinton upfront with you? Haha yes you ignore them and just talking to quinton hehe.

Brigid I do that as well, so get ready to lose when the light turns green! Kesh also likes to drive fast so it’ll be chaoticcccc.I am banishing Ryan to the back because I would definitely lose concentration. Quinner or Braden are the only ones that can sit upfront. Preferably Quinner so that I can hold his hand🥺 but I love you too braden. There is so much to see while driving in Canada, so frequent stops will be made. Plus the boys love Canada #nostalgic.

Lmao being in the car together would be so fun!!. Haha Dylan and Jamie braiding your hair would be hilarious, like they get into the biggest knot, why do I feel like Ryan would take a picture of it and post it on his insta story and would write “nice”😂 I do wanna see it tho. but like kesh said they would be giving you puppy eyes because they don’t want you to be mad at them, I’m not sure how you would react tho?. Hehe me pulling over, and quinton and devon just redoing your hair, and then I’d make them do my hair as well:). Ok so driving with the windows down and blasting music is good with everyone, I think we would playing all music lol , country for Brigid and Kirby? I think you like country? I’m playing 2000’s music- like a g6 would be so fun to blast in the car. Everyone is just dancing in the car. Some rap will be played for the boys. Kesh what music do you like? Does anyone else have any music suggestions? Haha cozzy, Devon and Braden just being passed out for the drive and literally not waking up to the music. Late night drives are adorable, esp with the make outs hehe.

Ok so we have decided that kesh is the most responsible on the trip which I totally agree with, somebody’s gotta keep us in check. Cozzy is apparently still sleeping, boy must be tired from all those nhl games hehe. Lmao sending Kirby with us, and you yeeling at Dylan not to buy a tv😂. We would so chaotic in the grocery store, like riding in the shopping cart, but also everybody’s racing to get their food, which would be majority of junk food hehe. Honestly we would buy so much food we are literally on a vacay with hockey players who eat a lot haha. The cash register would be shocked. Awww kesh, you being like “kirbs I didn’t even give you that many directions” but him being totally clueless and just trying to kiss you. him being “hmmmm but we didn’t get a tv, and we got some carrots and veggies” lmao I love that kesh please keep writing those.

Haha you got it right, I would be so confused, like how did we get so much food ?! Brigid, you did go overboard but I love it and we will eat our candy :) Dylan bring a ps5 is the funniest shit ever. Food discussion: yes to all of those candies, all dressed ruffles are delish so imma throw in a few bags. Dark chocolate is a must, hehe we should buy fruit and veggies. I don’t think I last that long with junk food hehe. Oo yess we are go a get an Nanaimo bars and poutine :) ooo and BEAVER TAILS . Those are sooo good. I can buy for everybody, esp quinner so that we can recreated that gif of him eating one.

Haha yes, Ryan and I will be there with the non stop chirps. We love them, but still you and Dylan getting 🥵 is 🤌. Hehe yes I mean Dylan h is gorg as well so quinner better work quick lol. Ooo brigid is feeling up some muscles, we love that. But also yes to the straddling and being soft w Jamie. Kesh they are a blushing mess, because they wanna be with Brigid all the time. We are absolutely recreating those wakeboarding lake pics, we have to witness that again- esp you brigid w Dylannnnn. We love some sunscreen and aloe vera.

Thank you, boats are fun! Yess Brigid is sharing the tube with Dylan and Jamie or just making the boys jealous 😏 and me or Ryan would probably make you intentionally fall off the tube lol. Maybe I can get quinner to go with me. Ryan is just waiting for that moment for Quinner to leave to push me in but I would be to quick and grab him as well 😂. Haha brigid needs a break and is just watching us lol. Haha Braden and Ryan pulling pranks on dyl and Jamie we love that. Aww kesh Quinner is being protective and wants to be with me.oh yes, Jamie and dyl staring at Brigid cuz she’s gorgeous in her bikini. We all look hot tho. Kesh is just chilling w kirbs. Lmao “I feel like we should stop Dylan and Jamie before they hurt themselves” and then kirbs being like “Devon is with them, there goes Dylan and Jamie” I love these.

Awww Quinner following me around 🥺 we’d be cute drunks. Ooo yes, Dylan and Jamie getting jealous, but they wanna be constantly around you, so I understand. Clubbing is a success, we are all pumped up w alcohol hehe. Lmao Devon and cozzy trying to get a girl but Ryan and Braden keep foiling their plans 😂 hehe kesh just chilling and wanting to help dev and cozzy but Kirby is to busy watching quinner, also question who is he doing the body shot on?

Yess the locked room would be not a Lexi and Ryan chaos, aw yes I get to know Dylan better:)) I wanna be friends! He he yes he would start getting jealous but then maybe I’d help him get your attention, but we still gotta let you have your Jamie moments🥺

Awww we do love a body positive Queen, y’all are gorgeous !! Haha yes we need a girls day! Some good shopping will be happening, we gotta get Brigid some summery clothes. The guys would be in awe, esp Jamie Dylan and kirbyyyy !!. I do wanna steal their clothes tho. We got so handsy boys over here!. Aww kesh you would looks so cute in kirbs big shirt but also in a bikini.

Yesss Dylan and Jamie are in awe, like she’s gorgeous. Same with Kirby m.

Aww kesh you’re to nice😭 you made me cry. Me abs Quinner!

Ok imma add more gtg to practice

Xo Lexi

okkkk so i’m finally home from school and practice now so i’m ready to respond. i’m taking notes from kesh and adding a keep reading bc this is gonna be longgggg so be warned to anyone reading this

haha yes i’m keeping quinton up front with me bc i don’t want him to jump out of the car lmao. i’m not going to subject him to the possible sexual tension that would be going on in the car if dyl or jamie were in the front. like if one of them were in the front they would just start touching my thigh or something knowing the other one could see it but couldn’t do anything about it. and then i would get distracted from driving and we wouldn’t win lol. so i’m making jamie and dyl sit in the back so they mostly dyl can just yell at me to drive faster so that we win. and then i’ll just chill and talk to quinton bc i want to annoy the other two lol

haha don’t worry, me and dyl (and jamie and quinton) will dominate once again. like you guys might drive fast, but i can guarantee i drive faster. especially if dyl is yelling at me to go faster lol. haha but yes you’ll definitely have a better chance if you banish ryan to the back so he can’t distract you. so you let quinner sit in the front with you and hold your hand 🥺 but as soon as he tries to put it anywhere else you banish him to the back so you don’t get distracted lol. but we would definitely have to make a bunch of stops for the boys bc they’re back in canada

haha yes dyl and jamie try, they really do, but they can not seem to get the whole braiding thing down. and then it ends up in a huge knot and ofc ryan just laughs at my misfortune and takes pics of my hair to post on his story. haha and i’d pretend to be soooo mad at them, and i can be scary when i’m mad so they’d be freaking out and just giving me puppy eyes and being like i’m sorry i’ll make it up to you. but then eventually i can’t keep up the act anymore and just start dying of laughter and then they would be annoyed bc they were freaking out lol. but then we have to stop so that our hair can be fixed.

yesss i love driving with the windows down absolutely blasting music and then whenever you drive past someone they just turn and look at you lol. i’m really into rap and i feel like a lot of the guys are too, so we have to have a lot of rap lol. and then country for kirby and i like country too, so i’m down with that. and then for lexi we have early 2000s music, which i also like and i feel like the guys would be down with that judging by the fact that they played it in the locker room at wjc lol. kesh any other music suggestions? and somehow even tho the music blasting cozzy, devon, and braden are just out, like nothing is waking them up. omg yes late night drives are so cute 🥰 esp with a make out sesh lol

haha yes, kesh is definitely the most responsible one, bc most of the rest of us just have sm crackhead energy it’s unbelievable. somehow cozzy is still sleeping, like how? idk, but then he’s not coming with and neither is kesh so she sends kirby as the responsible one, and let’s just say that doesn’t end too well. haha us getting a million things, and then i, for once being somewhat responsible, say no we’re not buying a tv or a ps5, that’s so expensive. and they’re just like, but babe we have our nhl salaries, we can pay for it, so then i give in lmao. and everyone in the store would just be judging us bc we would be so chaotic and be running all over the store lol. and riding in the cart too lmao. and then we also have a shit ton of food and the cashier is just like wtf, but yk it’s fine. like we would have sm candy and chips, and then we would also get poutine and nanaimo bars and beaver tails. omg i want to try beaver tails soooo bad they sound so good. and then we can recreate the quinner gif lmao. but then we also have to have at least a little healthy food so we feel better about ourselves since we’re all athletes who are supposed to be following diets lmao

haha yes you and ryan would be chirping everyone for literally everything. but mostly me with dylan and jamie lmao. like literally anytime i even touch one of them you guys are all over us, and i’m just like whatever, but the guys are blushing sooo hard lol. but then since i don’t care i keep doing whatever, so like putting sunscreen/aloe vera on them and i’m straddling them, and ik we’re gonna get chirped, but i just don’t care

haha yes boats are so fun, but us on a boat = chaos. hehe all of us on our tubes, but then we’re all trying to flip each other over. and then when we’re finally being slightly calm on the boat and just sitting on the railing, ryan has to come and push lexi in, and then she pulls him in with her and it’s just chaos again. and then i’d be sitting there laughing my ass off, and then someone else decides to push me in lmao. and we’re all looking hot in our bikinis obviously so our boys are all trying to get our attention the whole time. lmao and then kesh is just chilling with kirby and trying to be the voice of reason to get jamie and dyl to stop trying to show off and then kirby’s like no they’ll be fine. they are not fine

hehe yes lexi and quinner being the cutest drunks, just being super soft with each other and clingy 🥺 but then also kind of wild bc apparently quinner is doing body shots off of you. which also i really want to do. like i don’t care if it’s jamie or dyl, but please can one of them do body shots off me? and then let’s say dyl does it first, then jamie sees him doing it and ofc he’s jealous so then jamie has to do one too. and then kesh is chilling with kirby and she’s like hey you should go be a wingman for devon and cozzy, make ryan and braden leave them alone. but kirby’s too busy watching the rest of us do body shots lmao

yes lexi finally gets to actually have an extended convo with dylan, when they’re not trying to annoy everyone who’s actually trying ofc. but then you notice him getting jealous of me with jamie, so you chirp him at first but then he’s getting really annoyed. so then you have to be like calm down, let them have their moment, you’ve have plenty lol. she likes both of you, you know

haha yes we def need a girls day where we’re not being chaotic for once lol. and then we get a lot of cute clothes and stuff. and then when we get back the guys make us model all of it for them lol. and all of them are in awe. like kirby and quinner are just like 😍😍 about you guys bc they think you’re so cute. but then also they love our clubbing clothes and are getting super handsy when we go lol. but then after clubbing we just steal their clothes and live in them for most of the rest of the vacation and they pretend to be annoyed, but they secretly don’t mind bc they think it’s hot when we wear their clothes, esp if it has their name

overall, yes i love all of this and both of you 💖 sorry it took so long lol

[greenteadreamsx]

Update

I used to share a lot of personal things on here but somehow I fell off and have only been reblogging thinspo. Well, personal post: here it is. 

I weighed myself this morning. I hardly ever weigh myself because I am absolutely terrified that the number will be higher and I don’t even know what I would do with myself or how I would feel. I always wait a pretty long time between weigh-ins that way I’m guaranteed to see a lower number. I was 110. I was 110 back in 5th grade, when I was 7 inches shorter than I am now. Wow. BMI 17.2. Being dangerously underweight isn’t too far off, and that scares me. It scares me because I look in the mirror and I see a thin girl, but I always see room for improvement. That’s the thing, I don’t even have a goal weight at this point. My account says 109 but I just keep lowering it; I know that I won’t be satisfied.

Other little things that have been happening: I’ve mentioned my FWB on here before, and I’ve been seeing him more regularly. He’s been commenting a lot on my body, and fuck it’s been so triggering. Never any negative comments; they’re either observatory or praiseful. The other day, I went to the beach and got a terrible sunburn, and afterward he was putting aloe lotion on my stomach and was like, “Wow, you’re so skinny. I never really see you naked at this angle, just when you’re lying down.” Or last week, he made some comment about, “my skinny little model body.” He even said that my ribcage is slender (?) Idk it just makes me think like See!!1 I’m attractive only when I’m underweight!!1 although I know that isn’t the case at all. I can’t remember any particular instances when I was a healthy weight when he commented on my body, but that’s probably just my ed blocking out any praise I got when I was healthy and focusing only on the praise I get while underweight, trying to prove some point to keep me sick.

Idk. Just a little update.

[quackspot]

one time i was assigning my friends cookie run kins and someone said i remind them of fire spirit and i was kind of like :/ but after following you ive realized the truth, that fire spirit is great and valid and that its a good thing to be like fire spirit

yeah fire spirit is my faovirte best cookie ever

when doing the google form thing for the cookierunupdates lil picture book or w/e i used this image for the last question which was like,,, a 500 x 500 image to show you, or w/e but yeah fire spirit is the best

(muscle cookie is cool too here let me write about fire spirit and maybe muscle if i feel like it below the cut)

so FIRE SPIRIT that good man i love to roleplay as on ponytown 

like seriously i get to be such a dumby and sometimes i roleplay as... intellectual fire spirit and, actual roleplay self development that happened a couple days ago O_o now my fire spirit isnt overly dumb maybe i duno it’ll depend on my mood 

shitpost roleplays r so fun because i can just be like “eats grass” and everyone nowadays r like “well that’s normal” besides wind archer and millennial tree and maybe other plant cookies and maybe not it depends on the person and i respect that they’ll b all like “>:O” or other stuff

so much variety,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like, u could just, ADOPT EVERYONE IF U WANA...... people r gona be like “NO” like my wind archer or maybe my fire spirit once again some things just depend on my mood 

wait were u expecting me to rant about fire spirit as a character? well he sparks joy whenever i see him hapy and im so excited for whatever his magic candy will be 

like it might b something to do with the red dragon??? ?? ?? ? ?? please give us the deal with the dragon devsis i just want to know i just want to know devsis PLEASE

his design is also really cool because i really like red and i like fire a lot so yeah also hes like ;) and ewe and lenny face like muscle cookie 

and how other people draw him IS REALLY ATTRACTIVE SOMETIMES.... other times hes jus him and thats still really cool like, yeah

my phone bg is him heheosdjkJDLKJLKFSJLK O_o i should make my school computer background him too my current home computer background is 

i also really like shipping fire spirit and seeing him happy liek,,,, yes,,, please give me the joys,,, the fluffs,,,,,, not really the smuts but i guess i’ll take it if there’s nothing else or if im bored or if it’s really ironic and goofy and shitposty smut 

anyways my favorite view of fire spirit is “secretly smart dumbass and kinda flirty” like in one roleplay probably last month or near the end of march (my class was reading much ado about nothing in english lit and there was a masquerade ball) and i was roleplaying as smart fire spirit and he was like “masquerade party,” then me and oomi and probably others and likely acon (ponytown friends,) made masquerade ponies and they were BEAUTIFUL i liked my fire spirit let me go find him 

on another hand let me send my corrupted fire spirits

here’s my old one 

here’s my favorite one i have two corrupted fire spirits currently 

then a purified fire spirit 

i like this one a lot more might just change some things to make my current one more like this one 

ANYWAYS back to focusing on his not looks uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh whenever i roleplay as him its a blast like, there has Never been a roleplay that was boring enough for me to be like “fuck this im out” by saying things like “oh shit! its bed time” and just leaving and doing something else

(ive never done that before but i have pretended to lose connection like 1 time. on roblox i pretended to lose connection a lot when i rp’d on warrior cats forest territory LJKDSKLFJKLFSJKLFJLKS)

honestly i dont try that hard with roleplaying fire spirit my brain’s like “let’s do this” and most of hte time i go “FUCK YEAH LET’S DO IT!!!!!!!” and hten i do it sometimes my brain’s like “what if ___” then i go “let’s try”

idk all the reasons why i love fire spirit but it is mostly because of appearance i think???????????????????

onto muscle cookie who i love more for his kind personality

i haven’t roleplayed him that much on ponytown but i did get to adopt pancakes and be like “YEAH YOU GO PANCAKE BEAT UP NIGHT RAVEN!!!!!!!!!” muscle cookie is a good dad.

recently i shitpostd like tommy (ponytown friend? i think? idk friend opinions r weird) was wasaby and was like “why did u cheet on me” and i dont remember how my muscle reacted it was probs like “wait whaaaaaaaaaat noooooooo,,,,,,” he didnt want to hurt wasabys feeligns :( it was because i made a muscle x aloe ship kid

i had ship kids on ponytown i just never drew them its like ocs i either have them on ponytown or have them drawn digitally no in betweens 

i did try to make firefly cookie, an oc i doodled on algebra 1 work, on ponytown but i dont like it so yeah

OH YEAH FERB THE WIZARD i might make him on ponytown i haven’t posted him or shown him to ANYONE lmao hes yellow 

[plantblrstudyblr-blog]

Plant update pt. 2

Hi! It's been so long! The echeveria agavoides has outgrown its old tiny pot (I think I might post the picture of its old pot and before and afters of him--her?) The aeonium "black tree" is doing great on both sides of the plant. I propagated an old echeveria of mine that was dying (my first succulents ever, got them from home depot and they had superglued pebbles to the top of the pot, preventing oxygen to the plants and preventing me from repotting them). I forgot what type of echeveria it is, so please help if you can. The propigations of the kiwi aeonium are doing well, although, I think I might stick with the leaf propagation. I tried from the branch too because I wasn't sure what to do. I also took an offset from my mom's aloe plant and it's just callousing over right now. The jade cuttings are also from the 1st pot of succulents. Overall, my succulents are doing great and they are loving the first showings of proper sunlight here in Massachusetts! Since my palm was infested with something, lately I've been watering and spraying them with a mixture of tea tree oil, peppermint oil, lavender oil, eucalyptus oil, lemongrass oil, and a tiny bit of orange oil all mixed together with some water and it seems to be keeping the bugs at bay. I just wanted to make sure they didn't get affected. The big kiwi aeonium is sitting on the floor right now, really doing well for not getting direct sunlight. I need to buy a desk or something for my room and then he can move back up. I have a little experimental bamboo in my room too and idk if it'll work, I just took a cutting from my friends bamboo. Some of you may know that the palm has died, but actually, my brother took it in. He has grow lights and I think he could save him. I repotted all my succulents because I added this black beach sand from Hawaii to their soil. Normally, beach sand is bad, but the grains were really thick and they are made from volcanic rock so we'll see how it goes. They seem to really be enjoying it so far!

Sorry for the poor quality pictures, please check out my gofundme to help me get a camera!

Hey guys! So, I started a gofundme for a camera for film school. I doubt it'll actually get any donations but I really hope so lol. Dont feel pressured to donate, especially if you need that money. It'd be super super helpful if you could spread the word about it because I have like, zero friends 😂. Thank you guys, have an awesome day and continue scrolling!

[lesbian-octoling]

PLEASE TALK ABOUT YOUR WARRIORS/WOF OCS?? I wanna draw them!!! I love these awful books!!!

:D

More below the cut !!!

Alright so!!! I actually had posts for each of my OCs before I accidentally deleted my WOF sideblog and never remade it :’3 So uhhhh heres some pics

Shiver and Dreamy are half siblings on their Dad’s side. Their father was a nightwing who fell in love with an Icewing and convinced her to run away, but she lived on an island in the outskirts of the volcano in hiding. She regretted her actions, but couldn’t leave because she was in Exile for fraternizing with the enemy. They had their first egg together, Shiver, when she was still somewhat sane. She was slowly driven crazy by the heat and isolation, and Shiver often had to take care of herself.

Their father actually needed up falling in love with another nightwing, Silvertongue, and had an egg with her. However, he realized his mistake, and it a fit of panic he stole the egg from Silver and gave it to Shiver’s mother, convincing her it was her own egg in her somewhat insane state. Still, when it hatched, Shiver acted more like a mother to Dream than their real mother ever did- and their father no longer came around. 

So, Shiver and Dream need up running away, and currently live sort of as nomads, stopping wherever they want and avoiding being caught by anyone who might wish to hurt them for their species or her hybrid status. 

Silvertongue is a pure nightwing that believes that her only egg (dreameater) is dead, and became somewhat bitter after that. When she was young she found an animus touched object; a small, silver tongue piercing that makes people listen to what she says, and can influence them to believe her words are truth or to do as she says. It does not force, and if theyre strong willed, it doesnt make them, it just helps to persuade. I’m considering having her fall in love with a Raining but uhhhh ill cross that bridge when i come to it idk

Oracle is another hybrid of mine, being a nightwing/seawing.

{these are old images, bear with me}

When they were just a small hatching, their parents took them to the searing queen and begged her to let them stay and not to hurt their hatchling. She agreed, but instead of killing the hatching, she cut out all of it’s webbing and it’s eyes and cast them into the sea.

Because of their half nightwing status, however, they have the power to see what is- it’s not the future, or the past, its simply an ability to know what is. This allowed them to live to adulthood in isolation and fear of there dragons, and eventually make home in a small sea cavern. They’ve become sort of an urban legend- some say if you find a certain cave in the sea, and bring the creature there an offering, they can give you the truth. They now have eyes made of sea glass and adorn themselves in jewels and other things they’ve collected.

Gem  is a rainwing that somehow ended up in with a clutch of Mudwings (so, not a hybrid, but raised as a Mud). He was raised along with hem, and despite knowing how different Gem is, they consider him as part of their troop. His bigwigs is Everglade, but the rest of his siblings are Toad, Cicada, Sawgrass, and Glowfly. He fought alongside them in the war, and in going so, lost his front left leg near the elbow along with a myriad of other scars. He now lives in peace with his siblings in the mud kingdom. Everyone is aware of him, but he’s nice, and a great fighter, so everyone’s pretty chill.

Aloe is a sandwing/seawing hybrid that I haven’t actually developed much? She’s a healer though!

Meerkat is Aloe’s GF, and is pure sanding, but lost half her tail in an accident when she was young. She now works as an author and librarian, and somewhat of an inventor.

Pollywog, Catfish, and Cooter are freshwater Seawings- or, Swampwings as I like to call them. They’re essentially like.. inland, hillbilly seawings.

{cooter isnt done lol}

I’m not entirely sure what their relationship is yet… poly? Siblings? Polly and Cat as siblings and Cooter is a while GF of one of them??? Dunno! I do know what Polly was kidnapped when they were younger, but escaped, which is why they have so many scars.

Azalea, last but not least, is pure Icewing- however, they don’t have any ice powers. This is because his brother, Floe (doesnt belong to me), is a Frostscales- much like how Peril is a fire scales. Their brother ‘stole’ all the ice from him while in the egg, which leaves him a funny pink color instead of the usual ice blue that Icewings are. His original name was Tear, named after the only pink object in the ice kingdom- open flesh.

Because of this ridicule, and the fact they he couldn’t really bear the cold, he fled the Ice kingdom and learned that he actually really likes gardening. He also decided to rename himself Azalea after the flower and start his life over.

Aaaand i think thats all my dragons!

Brittlebones is the only warrior OC i ever really use anymore, honestly. She’s a large black oriental shorthair, who used to be a Shadowclan medicine cat, but was a warrior for most of her life.  She ended up leaving shadowclan with Mourningdove (a Windclanner i think? Maybe Thunderclan), and two other of my friends OCs i cant remember right now. She’s now a medic for the new clan they plan on starting, who’s a pack of Nomads until they can find a place to settle. Unfortunately, most of my pics of her got deleted, so the one one i Have lest is this horrible cropped pic :’3

If you have any more questions, please, feel free to contact me!!!!!! I love talking about them :’)

Also maybe use my main @rhi-draws-things so i don't clutter this blog with non-sploon stuff

[spikedfanta]

organizations and people

suresh kumar

yashas shetty

whofeedsblr

rewilding

5) suresh kumar farm - re-wilding - indian english garden, chakota, etc. //

experience ((the wild garden ))

today, i've been thinking about the internet and all its knowledge systems - there is much that the internet doesn't contain. it does not contain so many stories, the ability to generate respect and mindfulness for one's surroundings, to help one better be in touch with reality -- but at the same time it can connect one to others trying to do the same.

The raintree - I never knew how dividied people were about it.

those blogspot blogs - so many people had/have one. and the articles still pop up now when you look for hyper niche information - particularly during this project, when i look for information on places - flora and fauna - and general nature, food, and life related information on bangalore! a blog that someone started out of their own interest to share a part of their lives - carve out their own space on the internet. and it differs from instagram, or facebook - it really does. while super useful for sharing what youre up to - you dont really get to sit and share long form content about your life. and i wonder if that has reduced ones capacity to then read about these happenings in someone elses life. it's only now, when so much of the information i am looking for (related to experiencing places in and around bangalore - treks, markets, spaces of nature, etc. + food + flora and fauna, lakes, edible weeds + bangalore nostalgia) happens to be on blogs. an unofficial networked document of the city that is coming together with google searches. the way we gather information on the internet, so disparate yet all coming together - which is why a resource bank for the project is important.

we learn on the internet by gathering all this information from all over - sources from youtube videos to blogs to even comments (which can be very useful!) to forums and niche old websites.. and they become a psychogeography of place on the internet. we then synthesize it together to create our own understanding which we can then share, i think. and it all has such a personality...

i think this research combined with actively going out of my way to engage with people in the real world is really building a sort of image in my head. i think what i am trying to do is express that image in a project, and using all these tools from people abroad etc etc to express it in a very bioregional local way - a sort of 'back to the land' for the internet. it's astounding to see the amount of videos for things like making henna or flower garlanding or gardening -- anything you want to learn, and there is a video. it wasnt always this way wasnt it? i remember that there were so many western videos you had to shuffle through. at any rate, one part of the project is documenting my creations and what im learning in a bioregional way -- by creating a sort of alter ego and making an internet personality/blogger type.

what kind of personality can i give my alter ego? she'll be allowed to say and do a lot more than i can, i think. but she still lives in my body and experiences what i experience. she is a curious scientist of the world - she is the child forever in me. she picks up things and runs with them. she is playful and mindful.

speaking of mindful, i am back in bellandur and i havent been doing much sense mapping. i havent done much sense mapping at all. im not sure what im scared of... well, im going to hear the birds and smell the dust and feel the dust and hear the construction and taste the rose apple see the kind of boxy room i live in, in an apartment .. where all the noises echo louder and loom off further into the distance.. as well as make their way here. what is the difference from yelahanka, with the trees? covering me with their canopies? what about suresh's farm - further from the hubbubububub.

symbols.. hmm.. the home garden tulsi. a tincture or tonic water. a weed popping out of a pavement. two birds playing. construction sounds. far off construction red light. dust. colours... faded blue, grey, white, green, red. crushing. the act of it. the sound. the sound of simmering. the sound of ticking and an oven. chopping. plucking. leaves rustling. crushing in your fingers and smelling.

scent of tulsi and basil as i rub it and it makes me less anxious and less nauseous and very calm and minty. henna and its bittery herbal smell. the tonic waters.. sweet basil, a bit anise like. and lemon, no citrus just sweet lime leaf. malabar spinach and a stain like blood. royal purple blood. the sweet pannir of a rose apple,, a delicate. treat. what if i added rose petal? rose water? a gingery affair, spicy.. floating suspended in water. a bug. i like how they call it that. how long till it comes alive? lemon and fenugreek and black tea in henna - the goopy mixture, ready to go on my hair. soapy - the leaves. clay like - the powder. visually.. the leaves go sop and lose their green on so much boiling. on pounding. the malabar spinach goes POP. there are greens and a pumpkin. visually, i feel satisfied by the rainbow today. purple malabar. indigo.. uh.. i suppose the malabar satisfiesx that. green.. the tulsi, the aloe, thee lemongrass, the basil, the ajwain, the betel leaf.. the spinach greens.. the henna. wow. a lot of green. taste.. well all of it tasted nice. chewing a tulsi and betel leaf. yum. yellow.. lemon and panir. orange hmm. papaya? carrot. red.. hibiscus. a curry leaf.

well, anyway. i got a lot out of my head today. i shall have to spend some time organziing and planning tomorrow. i am a in a little bit of a 'do mode' flow. tomorrow morning, i will wake up by 7.. meditate. hear birds. sense check in. go for a walk to soul kere lake. sense map/check. come back. drink herbal tea. plan - covid test, things to buy and do today, places nearby to go (if any) - make a trip outside (wrap up by 12 hopefully)

lab work today -- hopefully 12-4 and later at night, with time for research (new media, blogs, projects related to tools, etc.) and some checkin in - sense journaling, symbolism, relfection, artistic expression. evening. we henna.

documentation of research for these recipes! going through comments, that only comment from soemwhere who has the same question as yours.. bringing that back to my regional level and answering it here.

at an experience leve.. suresh kumar. i am astounded by someone like him, and i wonder if i can ever be someone like that. i feel like such a privileged city girl around him, in awe of everything, dumb and stupid. but this is not true right? idk. he is a very cool man and i love how friendly he is which is required to work at such a community level. how can i imbibe that level of community gathering and effort? it is by dedication to your work but also a level of genuine respect for everyone around you. i wager that i dont have that respect? for myself? maybe? i dont know. no, and for others either. because there is competition - what is it he said. i gained my confidence through my work. there is no other way. holy shit. there is no other way. i must gain my confidence through my work. just do a lot of it. and be as open and genuine as i can to others. work on EneErgIes. no? somewhere, i know there is something that drives me to do things. and even if it might be 'shit'.. i think i have a vision, perhaps.

there are things to plan.. tomorrow, i will spend an hour just 'starting'. i suppose. blog posts be damned. i suppose as the idea comes, make a tumblr draft and let it sit with a quick note and memory. tomorrow is also a making day. so is saturday. saturday evening i plan the next week, and finish what i 'started'. and sunday i make teasers with whatever content i have right now. no time to build new content. just enough for swati and co to get a gist of what im about. and dont share everything. keep a few teases.

think i really want to do a clay texture map tomorrow. and also work on the animation. and childhood. and topography. Oh! spring equinox celebration meal as well. and chill climate weather bengal oo roo. and nostalgia mapping. def some mapping. animist... POV.. herbalism and energy and nature of plants. the ability to stain. to scent. to taste. my experience of the plant.. and what is the plant experience of me? to crush and chew and nibble. but my reality isnt a plants reality. i dont know if it 'hurts'. it exists differently. it exists. i exist.

i want some jasmine flowers definitely to make some jasmine hydrosol..

need to read some diance ackerman, and some animism / that camden art festival thing before i sleep. some

todays kitchen mapped out

[engagedtobefree]

Understanding Scott

Wednesday - I have to talk to Steve in the morning about an order. I go in to ask him a question and I swear Scott has his glasses on again, but when I turn around to smile at him after I’m done talking to Steve, he took them off. He gives me a little smile and lifts his eyebrows up a few times like he always does with me. It’s one of his signature flirting moves. I’m happy he turned to look at me, but a bit saddened that he took his glasses off. He must be pretty insecure about having them on, but I think he looks wonderful in his glasses. The next time I see him in the day, he has his contacts back in.

During my lunch I go to his doorway to talk to him as usual. "No glasses today?" "Nah, the doctor said I only had to wear them for one day." He tells me I looked good in my glasses and I say he looks better in glasses than I do. He's still trying to redeem himself I guess. I start telling him about my week so far, how my package was not delivered and how it couldn’t be set up for re-delivery, so I went to the post office on my lunch and they told me it was at a different post office, then that post office told me the one I was just at has it. I told him how one time I had a package that wasn’t delivered, so I signed where they had written an X, and then they left another slip right next to that one and still did not deliver my shit. We both laugh and agree on hating post offices. I then tell him how I got a bird feeder to stick on glass so that Weasley can watch the birds (today was his 3rd birthday!), but how I didn’t consider the fact that my sliding glass door slide, so now I can only open the door halfway. Then I tell him how my mom won’t let me borrow her drill I need for my TV mount because she’ll forget I have it, and I’m like, Idk if she thinks I’m going to just run off with her drill??? Scott finds all of this pretty funny, as do I. This is a typical week in my life tho lol. I start saying how hot it is out, and Scott suggests I take my cardigan off when I go outside, but I’m like, “I’m only outside from the door to my car, so that’s kind of pointless.” When he mentioned me taking my cardigan off, he’s looking at my upper body. This is also like the 3rd time, all on different occasions, that he’s mentioned me taking it off. I start talking about the bird feeder again and Scott suggests I put it on my window, which I tell him I can’t do because I’m on the second floor, so it’s like 20 feet off the ground. He pauses and then says, “Yeah, but birds can fly up more than 20 feet.” I say, “Yeah, but I can’t!” at the same time he says, “Oh, wait”. We both start cracking up. He is just...so adorable. Then he suggests I move my screen and put the feeder on the other side of the door, but I mention how then I can’t open my door if I want to leave it open because there will be no screen there. I tell him, “You’re full of great suggestions” and he turns a little red and laughs. I’ve been drinking coconut water and aloe water, one or the other daily. I’ve never had the cocoa flavored coconut water and Scott mentions how he’s going to ShopRite on his lunch and he’ll pick me some up if they have any. (He doesn’t, and he tells me the next day that they didn’t have any coconut water except for the plain flavor, which I think everyone can agree is gross. The ShopRite by our work is really small). 

Later in the day, Joyce tells me that we are definitely moving upstairs. There’s absolutely no way it isn’t happening. When Scott gets his tea not long after this conversation, I tell him about it. His initial reaction is that he’s surprised by it and pretty bummed. I tell him I’ll still come and talk to him on my lunches and he smiles and says, “Yeah, you definitely should.” A little bit later in our conversation he says he’ll come up to see me and I tell him that I’d like that. I’m standing right next to him since I was blocking other people from the printer when I was standing next to it. It’s hard for me to stand this close to him because I want nothing more than to be affection with this man. He then gestures to his office and my cubicle while saying, “But I’m right here, and you’re right there.” I respond with, “I know, I like being right next to you.” We are both obviously not happy with this move, and we are both showing it to each other. It doesn’t fully hit me this day, but now I know what the move really, fully entails. No more greeting Scott at the printer in the mornings. No more of us walking in and out of our work spaces somehow at the exact same time. No more of me walking by his office and smiling at him as I go in and out of the warehouse. No more of me passing by his office if I was down the hall heating my tea or doing whatever. No more of me popping out of my cubicle when he’s making tea. No more of us just randomly crossing paths throughout the day. No more of me just having to walk 10 feet over to go into his office. No more of us walking out and leaving together. It fucking sucks how there’s only a few weeks tops that’s left for these moments. I want to make as many more as possible while there is still time left to. I know what all of this has meant to me. In my mind, it’s always “There’s Scott” and it’s a little surge of happiness in my work day. And now I’m really beginning to think that it all means something to him too: to see me standing there waiting for him in the mornings, always happy just to see him for a few seconds; him standing at the coffee machine, watching and anticipating the moment when I’m gonna come walking out of my cubicle; me walking by his office, just so that I can see him and smile at him. For him, those spaces are still going to be there, but I won’t be. For me at least, it’s a whole new space where time with Scott has not been spent, but for him, it’s going to be an emptiness. This makes me so sad, like no one could even know. I kinda want to cry about it honestly. If I miss Scott, which now at some point during the day I always do, there will be nothing I can do about it. I will just have to deal with it. (I even miss him on the weekends now too). Even if I can’t talk to him, just seeing him is enough to make me feel better. It’s not the same as talking to him, but it’s something at least. Now, a majority of my only interactions with him will be planned talking sessions, and how long could those even be? During my lunch, I get 10-20 minutes with him. That’s all I’ll be getting in the future now, out of the entire work day? Yeah, he can come up to talk to me, but for how long? And what about the end of the work day, would I still be able to make it so I can go downstairs and talk to him? Scott asks me how long the other people are going to be here, and I tell him 3 years. His facial reaction tells me he was not expecting this answer. He was probably thinking more along the lines of a short project, and that I’ll be bale to move back down once it’s over. There’s no point in either of us even hoping that I’ll get my space back. I tell him I don’t like any of these people already because they’re taking my spot. I hope whoever takes my cubicle is truly unlikable because I want to give them the squinty eye whenever I see them and not feel bad about it.

Later in the day I go to change the water jug for the coffee machine. Scott is on the phone and Chris is hanging in there with him and Steve, so I don’t look in. I go into the warehouse to get a full jug, which all the jugs are right at Scott’s window. When I go out to put the empty jug out there, I look at Scott, but he’s still on the phone. However, when I go back through the door, I look at him and smile and he’s off the phone. He’s smiling at me then says something. I back up. “What?” “Do you need to change the jug?” “No, I just changed it.” I forget exactly what he says here, but he asks me about if there were jugs out there, but I forget exactly what word he used to describe them. Could’ve been “usable”, or something alone those lines. “You mean ones that are full?” “Yeah”. Chris had walked out of their office and was heading back over to come back in. He comes up next to me in the doorway and mumbles “What is he even talking about?” I laugh. Scott smiles and says, “What did he say?” and then continues with, “Nah, there hasn’t been any full ones out there for awhile.” I honestly do not know what he is talking about because there’s always full ones out there lol. I end up changing the jug at least once a month, and anytime I see anyone else do it they get a full jug no problem. 

Thursday - Scott had a doctor appointment for his stomach, so he comes in a little late. I use the last of the paper stacks in the cabinet, so I go out into the warehouse to get a box. I always make 2 trips and first take out half the paper in the box, then go for what’s left. The box says it’s only 20 pounds, but I beg to differ. So anyway, when I’m about to head back through the door, I see Steve isn’t at his desk. For some reason, I always stick my tongue out and up while smiling when I’m carrying the paper. I look at Scott and he smiles at me. 

During my lunch (after I get back from finally getting my package) I go in to talk to him and ask how his stomach is doing. He tells me about it and how it’s actually starting to feel better (yay!) and then starts saying how his doctor is one of those nerds, and he tries explaining what he means, but I still have no idea haha. So I just ask, “Does he have the glasses?” (referring to our conversation from the other day) and he laughs and says yeah. Playfully teasing Scott has become one of my favorite things. We also start talking about the work day at one point and how it actually adds up to 9 hours, and then I say “well, for most of us” and look at him and he laughs. Scott is really supposed to come in at 8, but I don’t think he has ever come in before 8:15. He says it works out though because Steve always leaves at 4:30, so one of them gets to come in late and the other gets to leave early. Hey, works for me too because it means Scott is alone at the end of the day. I somehow get on the story how a few years back I wanted a bagel for breakfast but the cream cheese was moldy. I opened the other end, which was fine and pristine and ate cream cheese from that end. Scott is like “Oh no” and starts laughing before I even get to the part how 10 minutes later I was puking it all back up. He is laughing pretty hard and says, “That’s disgusting”. I reassure him that that has been the only time ever that I’ve ever attempted to eat anything with mold even remotely close to it. Like I said before, just a day in the life :) One thing I’ve noticed this week is how Scott occasionally mentions his daughter to me now, and how he shares other conversations he has with other people. It makes me feel included and that he wants to tell me things. He doesn’t ever mention his wife, which is A-okay with me because that is a mood killer for sure. I don’t mind hearing about his daughter though.

At one point during the day when I come out of the bathroom, Angelo is at Joyce’s cubicle and I hear him say, “You really might be leaving though?”. Okay, say what??? When he walks away, I give it a few minutes and then ask her about it. She wants to apply to another position within the company. It would be less stressful than her position now, though she would keep about half of the same responsibilities. She doesn’t think she’ll get it though and that they’ll tell her she needs to stay where she is. She would still have to interview and everything just like all other applicants, both internal and external. When Scott makes his tea at the end of the day, I ask him how his day is and he gives me one of his typical answers but the way he says it makes me laugh. I look at him and he’s just smiling. Then he asks me how my day is going and I tell him I got more bad news. He asks me what it is and I tell him “I’ll tell you in there” while motioning to his office with my head. He tells me to give him a minute while he goes and gets his creamer. When he comes back I go in to tell him. He reassures me that it’ll be okay, and that it’s probably good anyway because it means even more job security for me, which is what Joyce said too. He also said it means they might hire me faster, but that should be coming soon anyway (ugh, I hope). Scott has a calming affect on me that literally no one else has, so I do feel better about things. He says no one moves fast on things there anyway, which I know already since I’ve been waiting since November to be hired permanently. Scott used to work at our other building right down the road. He’s been here 6 years and spent 3 over there and 3 over here. He was supposed to go over that February but it didn’t happen till June, and the only reason it happened was because Chris called over and said he really needed him. Joyce was there 15 months as a temp before she got taken on permanently, and I know everyone else who was a temp waited a long time too. May 22nd will be one year for me since I started. Scott mentions how he might take a half day tomorrow to get a lot of things done he needs to do, that he can’t really do when his daughter is around because she is right there or tries to run off or something lol. During this end of day discussion, when I see Scott smiling, his face stretched and his eyes squinting, I can feel my heat skip a beat. Then not long after this, I think about how soft his cheek might be. Then, when there’s a lapse where we both stop talking, I end up staring at his lips without realizing it. I can feel my lips are softly parted, and I can feel the utter longing that is tingling them. It’s a good solid 10 seconds minimum that I am just staring at Scott’s lips. He doesn’t move. He says nothing. When I finally come to my senses and realize what I’m doing, I look up at him. He’s just staring at me. This is why I usually stand in Scott’s doorway. I get too close to him and then I have such a strong longing for him. It is getting harder to resist the more we talk and open up to each other. God help me if I ever bump into him or something, because he’s going to be so damn close to me that I’m probably just gonna go for it without having time to think about what I’m actually doing.

Friday - It’s important to understand Scott’s timeline as to when he comes in in the mornings. In general, he comes strolling in between 8:20 and 8:30. Very rarely, Scott will come in outside of this time frame, so between 8:15 and 8:20, or between 8:30 and 8:40. I start printing usually around 8:18, this way I can insure I have plenty of stuff at the printer for me to work on. Depending on how much is in my inbox for me to print, on a good day I can give myself about 8 minutes of stuff to work on at the printer. That is with me taking my time as well. Since Scott came in extra late 2 days this week because of doctor appointments, and the other 2 days he came in after 8:30, I did not get to greet him at all. He came in a little earlier than usual Friday, around 8:15, but I happened to be grabbing a coffee stirrer and was walking back to my cubicle with it. I see Scott come in, and when he sees me, he breaks into a grin. I grin back and wave, and he waves too. I would have probably just stood there smiling like an idiot, waiting for him to walk up if Joyce had not been talking to me at this exact moment. Of course, I didn’t hear what she said because my focus was on Scott, and the printer was going and it’s really loud. I go over to her cubicle to ask her what she had said.

Joyce has been pretty busy the past two days, so I’ve been taking documents to the warehouse for her, which I enjoy doing because I get to get up and walk around and it’s also an opportunity to smile at the man of my dreams. I am about to come back in from the warehouse and I can see through Scott’s window his left elbow on his desk, so his body must be facing the door. He’s waiting for me. I peek through the small window in the door and see Steve is looking down at his phone. I happily open the door and turn to face Scott, who smiles at me and nods his head up, another one of his signature flirting moves. I just love our little moments like this. I’m going to miss them so much and I am soaking up every little last one of them.

During my lunch, when I go about my normal routine of putting my lunch bag upstairs, using the individual bathroom, and then walking by Scott’s office, he is not in there. As I’m walking down the hall toward his office, I’m thinking, “Where did he go?”. I saw him walking out when I went into the bathroom, and I heard him at the sink, so I know he saw me and knew I was getting ready to come see him. As I turn left to go toward my desk, he’s at the coffee machine. Relief. But now 3 days of news I do not want to hear. He’s leaving early. “Wait, you’re leaving early?” “Yeah, I told you yesterday I was.” “No, you just said you might.” Scott has said to me several times on different occasions that he might take a day off or leave early to get some things done, but he’s never followed through, so I guess I didn’t think he actually would on this occasion. I ask him when he’s leaving and he looks at his watch and says in a few minutes, at 12:30. “You’re not going to wait for Steve to come back from lunch?” “Nah.” He goes and gets him creamer then I go into his office so we can talk a bit. The first thing he says is how he wants some dessert, and the words “Well, there’s me” almost come hurtling out of my mouth. I’m torn between being happy that I controlled myself at the last second, and wishing I had just let it come out to see if he would’ve acted on something. It is getting very, very difficult for me to keep exhibiting self-control around Scott. I could feel months ago it was a little hard, but now it is getting to the point where any day now I’m going to end up saying something without thinking or just acting on an impulse and I don’t know how to even feel about that. I could physically feel myself tensing up trying not to say these 3 little words to Scott, it’s gotten that bad. And it feels so unnatural to me trying to keep fight it, because my natural instinct is to want to be affectionate with him. So then I’m in this situation, and I’m focusing on acting in a proper manner, and then I stop talking. Not only that, but I’m exhausted (I go to bed at 7 this night), so I’m not chatty like usual. The other day, when I was giving Scott snippets of how I felt about moving upstairs, it felt so freeing. Just so, so good to be putting it out there. That is what I truly want, but there is still this side to me going, “No, we cannot be that way with Scott. He is married.” It’s all very annoying having these 2 sides battle it out.

He tells me a story of the previous night how he was going to get his meds and this lady behind him had her speaker phone on and her and this other person were talking about some guy they knew and some crazy story how he was being pursued by the cops and threw drugs into a bush and whatnot. What I get out of this is that Scott is slowly letting me into his life. I guess I’m doing the same with him too. I ask him if I’m keeping him from leaving, but he says no and says he’s waiting for Steve, which is weird because 10 minutes prior to this he said he wasn’t. He is rummaging in his drawer and said how a guy from the other building might come over to get a spare shirt he has. It’s a company shirt. Scott wears them a lot now that the warmer weather is here. Before he wore fleece pullovers pretty much every day. He takes out a company sweatshirt still in it’s plastic bag and asks me if I want it. Idk why I actually stop and have to think about it, because Scott is freaking offering it to me, so it should be an automatic yes. I guess it’s because I’m not even sure I really like it, because I’d prefer a hoodie, but in the end I say yes because it’s something from Scott. I thank him. I’d much have preferred if he had worn it and it smelled like him, but whatever. I wore it to bed that night and it is soft, and it’s also huge on me, but it really made me so happy wearing it. I ended up taking it off during the night though cuz I got too hot. Steve comes back and so I know my lunch is over. I hang around about another minute and then tell Scott to have a nice weekend. As he says, “Aiight. Thanks, Dane, you too” I am staring at his mouth again. I don’t mean to. I get up out of the chair and walk out, and as I’m passing by Steve’s window, at the last second I turn around and see Scott hasn’t moved and he’s watching me. I get the impression that he’s in thought about something and is asking himself a question. Of course, I have no idea what exactly, but that is the feeling that I get. I hear him walk by my cubicle carrying stuff out to his car at his normal pace and come back in. When he goes out again, he’s walking much faster than usual. I find this odd, but that could just be me. 

Friday made a month since I confronted Scott and he said he needed to think about things. I’ve battled with this over and over in my mind about what my own answer is, and as much as I want it to be no, the truth is, it’s a yes. I feel terrible about it, I question what type of person this makes me, I wonder about what the future would hold if I were to actually act on my decision. I have kept telling myself over and over that I am never bringing it up again to Scott, but only because I know my answer is yes and that if his is a yes too, something would happen. So even though my answer is yes, I am still trying to do the right thing and not get an answer out of him, as much as I want one, as much as I want him to say yes back to me. I know that Scott is not likely to bring it up, so I just keep holding on to that notion. I have beat myself up over this, but I never wanted things to be like this. I can’t just be like, “Well, Scott is married, this means I am no longer going to have feelings for him.” It doesn’t work that way. I am falling for this man, but it just so happens that he is another woman’s husband. This plagues me. Acting on anything would mean breaking this woman’s heart, but it would also mean eventually breaking my own. Scott can’t truly be with me, in an actual relationship. Not as long as he’s married. But that’s what I want, a relationship. But on the other hand, not ever having him at all is also bound to be very painful. This whole situation is just one giant, double-edged sword.

I’ve asked myself, trying to convince myself my feelings are fleeting,

okay, what exactly is it I like about Scott?” But I can answer this. It’s his endearing little air-headedness, his playfulness, his calmness, the things he does, how he makes me laugh. He’s actually pretty intelligent too. He’s smarter than me in some ways, though I know I’m smarter than him in others. And that’s perfectly okay. It’s so many little things I notice about him. I know there is so much more to him that I don’t know, but the same goes for him not knowing more about me. I want to know more. I want to get to know him, every little detail there is to know about him. I have never genuinely felt this way about any man ever, even the only man who I ever fell in love with. Slowly we have been letting little bits and pieces out about ourselves and our lives. I just, I don’t know. I have genuine feelings for him and the more we talk and interact, the deeper these feelings go. But I can’t stop talking and interacting with him, because I enjoy having him in my life. If, back in the beginning of February when I first found he was married, I had moved to the 2nd floor, we probably would not have gotten this far. This would have ended. But it didn’t play out like that. For some reason, it wasn’t meant to. I don’t know how things are going to end up, but I know that things always end up how they’re supposed to. I wasn’t meant to move upstairs until I got closer to Scott, and now we’re at this point where we are both willing to keep this going despite the upcoming barrier. And we both know that the other person is on the same page. 

I don’t think Scott only wants one thing from me. I don’t know anything about his marriage or his home life or his feelings for his wife, but I genuinely believe that Scott has started developing feelings for me as I have for him. I used to want to blame him, because he had kept his marriage a secret, and I would tell myself, “I wouldn’t even be in this situation if he had been honest from the beginning.” But things aren’t always what they seem to be. I don’t know Scott’s full situation, but I know it up to a certain point now with certainty: he saw me around the office and was attracted to me; we somehow started seeing each other more often and for whatever reason, he thought about actually talking to me beyond our casual hello’s; before he could do so, I started flirting with him, something he probably did not expect to happen, and so he immediately started reciprocating, not wanting to let the opportunity go. Now we’re both here. We both led each other to where we are now. I don’t blame either of us, just as I couldn’t bring myself to solely blame Scott, even though I tried to. I used to be absolutely baffled by how people ended up in affairs, but now I understand. I know that some people honestly do not care if the other person is married, so I still do not understand those types of situations, but I understand how sometimes it just happens. You don’t plan to make things difficult for yourself, and you don’t plan to fall for someone who is unavailable. If Scott did in the beginning see me as just a potential hook-up, I think it’s gone beyond that now. I can see it in the way he laughs, the way he looks at me, the way he is starting to show he cares. I am not just being lusted after. And I think this is all why Scott has not given me an answer yet. It’s gone beyond the matter of “Do I want to cheat on my wife?”. Getting involved with me would be so much more than that, and I think that’s where Scott’s true dilemma comes in. How far would this actually go, and would it unravel so many things in his life? Am I, this woman that he barely knows, worth risking everything for?