#idk if i could get another one like that... i bought it at the flea market and stock is fickle like that

[mxwhore]

Yesterday i lost my favorite sippy cup on campus :((((

[chronicowboy]

my pitch for the ludicrous buck scary decorations masks b-plot is that buck's on a date with tommy at his loft when his decorations act out. idk what they do. one of them falls on him or something maybe. or just like starts moving. anyway buck freaks the fuck out about it. and tommy laughs until it becomes clear that buck definitely isn't joking in all his rambling about how the secondhand decorations he bought from a flea market are actually haunted and then he's all "you don't really believe in that stuff, do you, evan?" and buck's like "did you not see what just happened???" anyway. cut to buck telling the 118 about it the next day. and they're all teasing him. chimney's advising a ouija board and seance. hen is suggesting that the ghost might be homophobic and therefore shouldn't be communicated with. bobby's just shaking his head at them all. eddie's rolling his eyes in the fondest way humanly possible, actually beyond human possibility. and buck's like "ha-ha anyway the worst part was tommy didn't believe me, he thinks i'm just seeing things or being superstitious or something" and hen and chim and bobby all look at eddie expecting to share in their beloved buck's ridiculousness with their resident skeptic, only... eddie has suddenly stood like he's in one of gerrard's line ups again. "what? he didn't believe you? but he was there! that's insane, buck. that's so stupid. like it sounds like your loft might actually be haunted and he's just brushing it off? you could be in actual danger! how about i come by after shift and we stake the place out together? do some investigating? we could tell chris we're ghostbusting - might get him to talk to us or at least call us lame". and hen and chim and bobby are absolutely bemused by this but also. hen's squinting like she's beginning to realise why eddie might have sold out all his steadfast beliefs at the drop of a hat. buck doesn't notice any of this because he's too busy grinning adoringly at eddie (who is very rosy cheeked by this point fyi). and then he goes "that sounds great eddie, let me look up ghost hunting techniques" and he actually legitimately skips off to do his research. and eddie watches him go, sighs, faces the music and says "not. a. word." to the peanut gallery before going up to the roof to lament. anyway. the ghost hunting actually ends up scaring them both. and uhhh they're all huddled together in like. the bathtub or something. and um maybe they've both got headtorches on. and uh eddie keeps wanting to suggest they just take the decorations down in the light of day but then there's another jumpscare and buck grabs his hand. and eddie stares down at it with the reverence of a believer looking upon the face of god. and then he starts having a panic attack because that's so nice, that's everything actually, he wants that for the rest of his life. and yeah definitely a panic attack. and buck looks at him with big wide eyes and goes "eddie? eddie, cmon, man i was kinda relying on you to be the brave one here" and eddie looks at buck's lips, just for a second!!, and says "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry, buck" and then he runs out of the loft, gets in his truck, passes a church, and turns into the parking lot. this will not happen but it's happening in my brain.

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #15: August 22, 2021

Dollar Tree is honestly pretty fucking awesome 👌👌👌

I set my alarm for like 6:25 this morning, but it took 6 minutes for the "Horsin' Around" theme song instrumental to wake me up. I was pretty tired lol. I just dismissed it and went back to sleep.

I only went back to sleep because I knew I had another alarm set for 7:00. That got me up.

I should mention that this was still in the RV over an hour away from the house.

After I got up, I went to go get a shower, and did so successfully.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten my brush this time and had to do it afterwards after my hair had a bit of time to dry, which did make it a little more difficult lol.

I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, putting it into my car.

I made it a point to see and say "see you later" to my grandparents before I left for the flea market.

My dad insisted that I stayed to say goodbye to my mom, so I left.

I did NOT have cell service up there, as was mentioned in my previous 2 blogs of which I could only post today, so finding my way was a tiny bit difficult until I got some service to ask Google to take me to "...".

It worked and I got there.

On my drive, I listened to 1 by Simple Kid, a CD I had previously purchased at a Dollar Tree location.

I got a call from the guy at the flea market saying that I had some people there waiting for me. He asked how far away I was, to which I said "about 10 minutes." Ironically, that call made me miss my exit, as Google couldn't talk during the call, and added about 3 minutes to my arrival time lmao.

I did sell the Xbox that he said someone was interested in. I got $40 for it. I spent 27¢ on it. Pretty good return if you ask me.

I couldn't sell it with anything other than a power cord because the controller and AV cables I had been using to play it there were for my personal console. I'm just glad I can actually hook my Xbox up and stop having to drag them to the flea market along with a small library of games.

Not too long after I sold the Xbox, someone came in and asked if I wanted to see some electronics he had in his car. I went out with him. It was a pair of 3ft speakers and a Pioneer audio system with dual cassette decks (although neither of them works) and a 25 Disc CD-changer, as well as the standard AM/FM tuner. Additionally, there was a Fisher amplifier and AM/FM tuner as well as a Fisher Direct Drive turntable. He said he wanted $60 for em, but before that he casually, and probably accidentally, dropped that he was just gonna take em to the thrift store.

Big mistake.

I got em for $35 lmao. THERE GOES MOST OF MY PROFIT.

Oh well.

I tested everything. As I mentioned, the cassette decks don't work, but everything else does apart from the turntable needing a new stylus.

I posted some new photos of the shop to Facebook, and someone soon DMed me about a stereo system.

I priced everything, and it turns out I have about $300 worth of equipment from that deal, the Fisher amp and tuner being worth about $150.

The buyer will hopefully show up next weekend, for he wants to buy the Fisher stuff ($185 with the turntable), the 3ft speakers, an 8-track deck, and a Kenwood deck we've had for a week or two.

The speakers are listed for $50 (and are worth around $100-150), the Kenwood Deck for $50 as well, and the 8-track for $35. That makes it about $320 in equipment. Since he's buying so much, I'll knock it down to $270 and essentially give him the speakers or cassette deck for free lol.

Apart from that stuff, not much happened at the flea market. I sold some records, cassettes, CDs and I think 2 DVDs. One person bought a VHS tape? That money was the other guy's though. Oh well xD.

I can't say that I didn't miss my wonderful partner while on the trip. I actually brought along the stuffed animal they gave me (who's name is Greg) and snuggled with him both nights.

I was very happy to hear from them UwU.

They let me rant and I let them rant.

I honestly give them too much responsibility over me xD. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do this. HOLD ME TO IT."

I know I can't hold myself to anything I personally say (this blog being the only exception apparently), but I listen to them pretty well I think 🤔. If they tell me, "No, you don't need that VCR," so long as it's not some weird specialty thing, like a worldwide VCR 🥵, I'll be like "Yeah, you rite bro."

I love you man xD. You control my craziness pretty well. I'm so thankful for you UwU.

#relationshipgoals

So part way through the flea market day, I went over to Dollar Tree to buy some snack, but ended up looking through the CDs to see if there was anything good. I took photos of about 18 CDs and flipped through them online for the remainder of the flea market day.

I deleted the photos of the ones I didn't want and kept those that I liked. Surprisingly, I ended up buying 13 CDs there, but not before dropping them on the floor like the dumbass I am.

Also, sorry for all the nerd shit I spilled on your lap earlier. No one cares about amps and tuners xD.

I'M LISTENING TO ONE OF THE DOLLAR TREE CDS RIGHT NOW THO.

I already transferred over to my online library on iBroadcast and put the disc into my CD changer, which is now holding 164 CDs.

Its max capacity is 300 discs 🥵

WHY AM I NERD

Oh well

I like being a nerd gurl

Also maybe a technosexual 👀

I get really excited over some electronics. Like. REALLY excited.

Some editing VCRs are like "Holy shit that is SEXY. Look at those goddamn VU meters 🥵. And hhhh there are like 7 inputs on this thing and individual controls for left and right audio gain, not to mention Hi-Fi S-VHS recording. Hhhhhhhhhhh please gimme 😭. Why are you so expensive?"

I uh, mean, uh, *cough* look, pretty lights.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say the album I was listening to xD. MAN I GOT SIDETRACKED.

It's 37 Everywhere by Punchline. Def give it a listen; it's pretty heccin good.

Another notable album I picked up was Page One by Steven Page. I very much like the first track, "A New Shore." It's quite catchy and he has a great voice imo.

Also at dollar tree, I bought a regular bag of Fieras and 2 bags of Fieras Sticks, which were marked down to 75¢/bag because they're expiring soon.

I honestly like the generic Dollar Tree version of Takis more than actual Takis. They're a lot more flavorful when it comes to the lime, but also hotter at the same time.

Don't get the hot nacho ones tho. Hot nacho? More like hot pile of shit.

HAH

Goteem.

They're not that good xD.

THE REGULAR ONES ARE FIRE THO

"How do you do fellow kids?"

I got home and started working on putting the CDs onto my computer, and then onto iBroadcast, but not without first adding The Music Man to my digital library, something I had neglected for a month or two. The CD had just been sitting there lol.

I also switched my digital file for "The Black Parade" to that of the uncensored CD, which I had purchased before I event started working over 2 months ago.

MAN I'M LAZY

I eventually get around to shit tho lol. I guess it's just a matter of priority.

What usually takes priority is digging through everything to find something that I forgot about but then remembered, making a mess in the process that I would then have to clean up, at least partially.

I think the album just ended. I've been writing for a while xD. I'ma start "I Made You Something" by The Island of the Misfit Toys.

I'll tell you where that album came from in a minute.

In the meantime, where was I?

I kinda lost my train of thought despite reading up to see where I was. Oh well. On I go.

I ate dinner and kept working on those CDs, eventually putting my clothes from the week into the washer.

I FORGOT TO PUT MY SHAPING UNDERWEAR IN. FUCKING HELL MAN.

I wanted to wash em for this week 😭

No tight pants for Leonna I guess qwq.

Meanwhile, the box of my CD album cases is overflowing. I need another box.

I keep all of the album artworks in a big CD folder. That's almost full.

I wanna fill my entire CD changer. That's one of my big goals in life. Idk why, but I just wanna legitimately fill the entire thing.

My clothes are in the dryer now. I don't think I have the time (or energy) to fold them tonight. I'll leave that for tomorrow morning before work.

And God. Fucking. Damnit. I start school again on Wednesday. NOT looking forward to that, and neither are my 2 coworkers. We already have low enough staff, but only the two of them working is gonna be a pain in the ass.

I'll still work Saturdays.

I need to contact my guidance counselor to get out of the gym class I signed up for. I scheduled this shit before I found out I was trans, and I don't wanna deal with the fucking locker room situation 🙄 I have far more important matters.

Okay so anyway, the album I'm listening to came from a cassette. I bought this cassette a few months ago at the flea market along with a few others. The reason I bought them? They were all newer cassette releases from the 2010's, and they're all actually pretty good music from very indie bands.

Currently getting mad at iBroadcast's compression algorithm. It's unnaturally fucking anything over -10db up. Oh well, there's not really anything I can do about it.

I have like 13GB of music on my phone btw. That's about 3.5k songs on 268 albums.

I'm kind of an audiophile, but I'm too cheap to pay for a lossless service. Oh well.

They do actually have a lossless service on iBroadcast, but once again, too cheap.

Someone just sent me a friend request who legitimately posted that BLM and the democratic party are hate groups.

BLOCK.

Goodbye ho.

I don't get that. They call the democratic party a hate group when they hate people like me, and I, being more of a democrat although not fully because the 2-party system is fucked, think nothing more of them than they're very wrong about certain things, especially, as shown, that black people, as well as asian, Indian, native, and people of all ethnicities and backgrounds, are not equal to white people.

Yeh.

Totally.

You go buddy.

Anyway, yeah, I can, and do, convert music and video from analog formats to digital files in order for me to archive and listen to whenever and wherever I please. I've actually made a bit of a business out of it, but I don't get too much work from it. At least I'm not overloading myself xD.

I honestly have so much more to say, but I should probably go to sleep soon.

A few final shoutouts to the following people and companies:

-Dollar Tree

-Steven Page

-Broken World Media

-The Island of Misfit Toys

-Simple Kid

-Punchline

-My incredible partner QwQ I love you so much. Thanks for being the best all the time. I hope I can give you the best life ever.

Anyway I suppose this is goodnight. Lmk if you want a full list of the CDs I bought today! I'll link that song by Steven Page here.

And here's a good song from Simple Kid

I really like music lol. Enjoy these pieces.

Anyway, goodnight lol.

Lots of love,

-Leonna.

[knivestothroats]

I’m going over all my knives at the request of @untilthepainstarts​! It’s gonna be lengthy, so I’m putting it under a readmore

This is the first knife I ever bought after I turned 18. It doesn’t really matter how old you are if you order them online (there will just be a disclaimer like “we are trusting you to follow your own state’s laws”), but that’s neither here nor there. This one’s got the works! Partially serated blade, assisted opening, glass breaker, seatbelt cutter, obviously marketed for hunting zombies. I usually keep it in the center console of my car. I kind of fell out of habit of naming all my knives (even tho I should), but since this was my first one, it got a name: Dickslayer. (As in slayer of dicks. I was 18. No regrets.)

This one was a gift from my mom. Has my initials engraved in the handle. Folding, but no assisted opening. I keep this one on my desk to open packages and stuff. Sometimes if I’m going to a nice event I’ll take this one instead of one my regular carry pocket knives. I really don’t go anywhere without a knife just for that rare occasion someone needs to open something.

Name: Pearl. 

Stiletto blade, but only one edge because it’s assisted opening, as opposed to a switchblade which would have sharp edges on both sides. Basically any folding knife will have one blunt edge so you can push it closed. Idk if this is general knowledge, but any time my friends use one of my knives they never know how to close it, so I don’t think it is. Anyway this is one of my favorites. Just a sleek, classic look to it, you know? Says “Stiletto” on the blade in cursive.

I don’t really have a name for this one, I just refer to it as “Drop Dead.” This one was a gift from my friend and became my regular use knife after I lost the rainbow/oil slick one. The requirements for it to be my regular use knife are: small but not tiny, assisted opening. I mosty use it to open boxes and packages at work. However, it’s missing a screw near the top, which means I should retire it from regular use soon before I break it. 

This one doesn’t strictly have a name, but I usually refer to it as “Cleaver” in my head. Not very creative, which I don’t want to commit to saying that’s its name. Damascus steel. Spring loaded but no assisted opening lever. You know how some people have stim toys? Well one time I had this knife on me while at an awkward dinner so I fiddled with it under the table while waiting for my food. I gave that trait to Ace.

Name: Talon.

Folding karambit, as you said! Assisted opening. For Christmas a couple years ago I couldn’t think of anything to ask for, and also I was looking at apartments, so I sent my mom a screenshot from Bob’s Burger’s where Louise’s xmas list was “1. My own apartment 2. Towels (for the apartment) 3. A doll where the head comes off and it’s a knife” so my mom got me a baby doll and this knife, but she couldn’t get the head off the doll so she just jammed the knife into its forehead lmaooo

I had another knife that I specifically bought before going on a trip because I never go anywhere without a knife, but I wasn’t sure if I could get one past security on the plane. So I bought a new knife, knowing I might lose it. I put it in my checked bag and it made it through! But then I lost it when I tried to stash it before a security checkpoint at the Hoover Dam X_x

So later on that trip I bought this knife at Zion National Park. My friend has a matching one that says “Wild Thing” because we used to follow a local band called the Wild Things. This knife is pretty sharp but the handle is flimsy as shit. 

My mom brought this home from a flea market for me. You can tell it’s old, but it’s sturdy as shit. They don’t make ‘em like they used to, I guess. This would probably be my regular carry if it had assisted opening. I just really like to be able to open knives one-handed if I need to. Actually I pulled this out a group hang out and was talking about it and my friends told me to do knife reviews on youtube. Idk if they were joking but I was like “don’t tempt me...”

I should probably come up with a name for this one. I’m sure there are good bear-based names.

This is the first fixed blade (non-folding) knife on the list. I saw it at an army navy surplus store, and I had to buy it because it looks like a junior version of my bowie.

Name: Odyssey. Did I just come up with that name? Yes. It’s the name of a scifi dnd homebrew I’m a part of. I was not going to do the obvious thing and name it David.

It may look decorative, but it is defiitely sharp. This is the only knife I have ever cut myself on. (It was just a nick - I was holding the sheath too close to the opening.) I think this was also my first knife that wasn’t a pocket knife so I was like “holy shit this guy is heavy!” 

This motherfucker is definitely not legal!!! I found it at a shop on the reservation that had signs up saying “no pictures.” (I think that’s because they were also selling bongs and stuff. Shop was attached to a lovely cafe.) The knuckles are pretty much just for show because I can’t really form a fist around the handle. I mean, the whole thing is for show unless I decide to murder someone because I’m not exactly opening envelopes with this bad boy. But yeah, knuckle dusters are illegal in my state (if not all), and I know trench knives - which are a similar style - are illegal, but trench knives are a combo of a bayonet blade and knuckle dusters, both of which are illegal. Oh you know what? I have an antique bayonet somewhere...

Also I’ve definitely scratched myself on that spike at the end. 

And finally... the Keyblade! You know how I said earlier that I carry knives for that shining moment someone needs to open something? In most cases I just use this knife anyway because it’s the least likely to freak someone out.

Just for a bonus, here are my (non-blunted) swords

The second one is just as red; it’s just the lighting. 

I have a video of me cutting a watermelon in half somewhere....

[thenixkat]

Animorphs notes 5

Book 5

Narrated by Marco

Marco plays around with the opening spiel

What the fuck Marco, groceries from a 7-11? Where the fuck is Child services?

Marco tries to fuckin talk himself out of some superhero shit, fails and saves an old man from some thieves with morphing

...Marco may have killed one of the punks by either breaking his ribs or spine with that hit

Old man apparently doesn’t know what a fucking gorilla is and threatens to shoot Marco. Ungrateful old man

Jake apparently would rather Marco helped the old man in human form.

Marco’s done the best so far to not make a huge singular info dump in his opening

I still don’t understand when Jake b/c in charge? Like all these kids are fucking dumbasses but it seemed like Rachel was doing better at the taking charge thing.

No, Cassie is legit a manipulator Marco, demonstrated that in the last few books

I don’t know if its the original writing or the person transfering shit to bootleg ebook, but Black should be capitalized in reference to a person

Applegate has a fierce birds of prey fetish

Marco uses humor to hide his fear

Rachel would make a better superhero than Marco

Marco is good at math

I’m pretty sure folks that fight for honor don’t do a lot of actual face to face fighting.

Ax has never been anywhere near an actual fight. This bitch is just parroting propaganda

Marco calls out Ax’s shit

It takes Ax 3 mins to finish a morph, Cassie about 2 mins.

Its weird when people say animals and birds, like birds aren’t animals. Its mammal default language

The entire concept that they can morph clothes defeats the idea that morphing is solely based on dna.

I have a feeling that these kids could probably morph those really thin , flexible show things or even socks.

Marco, humans ARE animals.

Ax needs lessons on how to human properly

Ax can’t control his morph

Ax is also a fucking dumbass

Zero space, a non-reality? So, its imaginary? Ok.

Faster than the speed of light is impossible, but it's doable in an imaginary reality. Sounds legit

Ax his proven himself to be the biggest dumbass on the team. He fucking stole Jake’s spot.

Ok but like I’m pretty sure that mall cop controller would remember the face of the kid who turned into an andalite.

Also how many witnesses either got killed or made into controllers from this incident?

How the fuck do the cops and mall cops don’t recognize Jake and Marco’s faces too after this?

See shit like this is why I’m leaning more on mind stuff being more important in morphing

Marco advocates that the lady release the lobsters she bought into a habitat they likely don’t belong to

And these kids are lucky if that lady never gets made into a controller

Marco has a nightmare about the lobster thing

Tobias’ life would not be as hard if he weren’t the kinda dumbass who chooses to live as a wild animal

So the ship cloaking devices just kinda bend radar and shit into an unreal reality. Sounds legit

The kids are gonna steal a z-space transponder from Iniss 226

Rachel is not for plans that endanger people she cares about

Ax owns up to his fuck up

Jake is not comfortable with all the vore he’s done. Jake tries to explain that eating bits of Rachel was not that bad

Also, ants and fleas are nothing alike. That’s like saying that oxpeckers and naked mole rats should handle the same since they’re both small vertebrates

And its almost the 2 yr anniversary on Marco’s mom’s death  

Marco’s conscience gets the better of him again

….Did ….did Cassie forget that ants are highly territorial and kill ants that aren’t related to them?

The house next to Chapman’s is empty

Cassie tried to morph from one animal to another and that failed, so no one else tries to do it. But like I’m remembering that book where Marco stress morphed hybrid animals and I’m wonder could he morph from one morph straight to another if he put his mind to it?

Hive minds are not a thing. EVery insect in a hive is its own individual.

Jumping spiders would probably have been a better morph is only b/c they’ve got good eye sight

Ants tend to be almost all female

Marco uses the yeerk computer and Ax reads Iniss 226’s emails

Everyone almost dies to ants, but they did get the transponder.

If they brought Melissa into the fold do you think she coulda gotten it for them? Or just got them in and out without the near death experience

Seriously its been almost two years and Marco’s pretty much taking care of his dad. That’s not ok.

These kids are not alright with getting dismembered. Rachel in particular gets in a fight with another girl named Jessica who outweighs her by probably 50 lbs and thinks she’s tough.

And Marco gets a black eye intervening

Marco and Rachel talk, these kids def do not have a solid read on eachother but Rachel appreciates Marco’s jokes\

Tobias comes up with an area for them to enact their plan, an abandoned quarry an hours flight from Cassie’s place

Marco has decided to quit the team, this is his last mission. So somethings probably gonna happen to keep him on the team by the end of the book’

He has nearly died more than the others

Ax’s bird is a harrier

Again at what angle is Tobias flying at to hit a hork-bajir’s eyes and avoid the blades on their head?

Oh hey! Their trap got turned into a trap for them

Ax’s info was outdated and got them captured

Visser 3 wants to know why the andalite bandits have a fucking child with them.

Made the planet over in our image, huh.

...the fuck was that Cassie? Why the absolute fuck would the yeerks let morph capable humans go?

The andalite homeworld has less ocean and more grasslands

Visser 3’s forces have red and black uniforms...in space. While Visser 1’s are gold and black

What a coincidence! Marco’s dead mom is controlled by Visser 1 and thus he has a reason to stay in the fight

Ax, shut the fuck up.

And Visser 3, apparently likes being the only yeerk who can morph and killing these potential hosts would be a very bad move for the empire ya dingus

Uhhh, huh I guess that would be rape by deception if Visser 1 fucked Marco’s dad

So it’s andalite culture to just give up in a tough situation. Idk, makes sense with the ritual suicide thing.

SO why dies that hork-bajir controller speak such fluent English? Why is their hork-bajir host so big?

Also Visser 1 decides that sabotaging the war effort is ok to embarrass Visser 3. Visser 1 is a shit leader

The kids escape and Marco doesn’t want Jake to tell anyone about his mom

Marco’s dad finally decides to get his shit together and be a proper parent

[whorechata98]

An Unfinished Letter to My Best Friend

Hey. I hope you’re doing well. I’m messaging you because I’d like to end this for myself. I’m sure it’s been done for you for a long time, but everyday I’ve been grappling with this. Is it creepy and obsessive and pathetic? 100%, but I really would be lying if I tried to say it wasn’t like that.

I asked Payton if you ever really understood why I was upset with you, and though he didn’t say much it seems that you didn’t. I know I was vague when I wrote to you the first time, but that’s because even in my pleas for you to acknowledge my feelings I was putting yours first. I didn’t want to be mad at you, I hated being mad at you. But refusing to admit that made it worse.

I was violently raped by a complete stranger. Yes, I was drunk and that’s my fault. But every time we’d drink together, we always kind of made sure to watch out for each other and call it quits when one of us wasn’t good to go on. I would never blame Megan, but it really wasn’t like that this time. I literally had no idea what was going on, I was just following her. I was blacking out while standing up, and I even texted Damon saying I thought we were being kidnapped. I was not in a state to walk, much less consent to sex with someone who had never even told me their name.

When I got out of the closet and Megan and I were picked up by Eric and Bruno, I just kept repeating “I didn’t mean for that to happen.” I was very upset. Damon and I had yet to be intimate, and I was really hoping for some reason that would be the night. I wore matching underwear for him, shaved, everything. But instead that happened. And I was scared Damon would think I cheated, so I needed to get home. He had agreed to come see me at the house, and I needed to convince him in person I didn’t want it to happen. Everyone else was too drunk to drive, they wanted me to sleep at Megans. I said I was fine and decided to drive, after falling down the stairs. I was really fucking scared that Damon was gonna dump me if I didn’t see him in person after that.

Then I drove North on 275 instead of South and switched lanes without signalling while speeding and got pulled over. Then I got arrested. So that's like two major separate traumatic things that happened to me in one night. Because being arrested sucks, I never imagined in my life I would have an arrest record? And now I do? And yes, drinking and driving is bad. I repent for all the times I did it before, I was stupid. But it’s not like under normal circumstances I would have made the decision to drive while THAT inebriated, but I was freaking the fuck out. And I feel like you thought that: 1. I would make that decision under normal circumstances, and 2. That I wasn’t justified in having a panic response to being raped and maybe losing my just-started-dating boyfriend?

During this time I felt like you had a really negative image of me because of your response to a lot of things. I can list these too:

1. When I started expressing interest in Damon you initially told me to not flirt with him because I would hurt him. It really hurt my feelings that you thought I would be bitchy/vindictive/manipulative enough to flirt with someone who has a serious crush on me to make fun of them or something? Or whatever?

2. You wanted me to accept Damon’s apology for that night we all got in a fight and also you were annoyed at me for continuing to argue while Matt cried. Sorry, it feels like we’re only supposed to care about everyone else’s feelings here but mine. I do regret making Matt cry, but I was also very upset with what Damon was saying and I cried too. At that point, I was arguing about things personal to me and I get carried away when it comes to that stuff. I apologized to Matt if that counts for anything, but I feel like my hurt at the situation should at least hold some weight? It’s as if you thought I felt nothing at all about it.

2a. I saw that you messaged Damon to tell him he was always welcome and went behind my back and said you were “sorry” for what happened. That shit made me feel crazy and like you have to apologize for me like you're my mom or something. I actually asked Matt to tell Damon not to come by because I was very unhappy and uncomfortable with the shit he was saying. I got over it pretty quick, but this felt like betrayal.

3. The Cam thing?? I really don’t know if you realized how annoyed/rude you sounded when you told me to stop asking about them. I don’t even remember asking about whether they were dating or not before, because I don’t mean anything by it. I’m just asking what's up cus Cameron is my friend and I was trying to have a casual conversation but you made it hostile. You doubled down and everything cus at the time I said I didn’t know what you were talking about either. Maybe I phrased it wrong, idk. I really didn’t care. I was just hurt by whatever you were implying, especially since Cam said he didn't know what you were talking about.

4. I feel like you were mad at me about the cats having fleas, which was entirely not my fault. I didn’t even want cats, Cesar initially said we’d just be watching them til he moved out or whatever, and I tried my hardest to give them baths and medication and anti flea spray. I didn’t know how to deal with it, I’d never owned an indoor cat before. I felt like it was entirely my responsibility since yall said you didn’t want to take care of them anymore, but you guys are the ones who wanted to take care of cats in the first place? I was trying and I was stressed out, and I didn’t want to give them to the shelter. I felt like that was so unfair to them.

5. Rent. Here is another section which will have mini sections.

5a. I had never planned to ask to skip rent until I got arrested. Prior to that, I had everything covered. My dad sent me $2000 for it. I would have been fine. I was still stressed because I was going to miss a full month of work, and that was going to make it hard for me to stay on top of stuff when I got home. I was never expecting to have to ask for help with bills though.

5b. I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me you weren’t comfortable with me not paying for rent. At least if I’d known that, I wouldn’t have spent the little money I did have in Peru on anything but bare necessities. I bought a few alcoholic drinks and presents for people I cared about, sue me.

5c. Cam and Matt said yes. You just told me to ask them. Then you went on calling me selfish, irresponsible, immature under your breath and in side comments which really just confused me at first. I did not understand why you were saying those things and I just felt self conscious, but I was too scared to ask you to explain.

5d. Telling me that I should learn to budget like you did for your tattoos? And when you couldn’t afford it you decided to save instead? I already put down a deposit of my own money and applied for a scholarship and went through that whole process. I would think my friend would have supported me. It was a graduation requirement for my major, PRACTICUM, it wasn’t just saving me a semester of a language class. It was either that or I had to get an internship, and I was trying to avoid that. You said it though after the damage was done: You don’t know what’s good for me. Telling me how to live my life is kind of presumptuous and conceited of you. Me going to Peru was not the same as you going to Costa Rica. You weren’t going to Costa Rica for any real necessity towards your degree. I was going to Peru for that reason. Fuck you on that part.

5e. Me not paying rent that month cost you $100 more. It would have saved me $300~ And I intended to pay you back as soon as I could. Like????? I feel like you saw me as a leech who just wanted to do whatever the fuck I wanted and deflect responsibility on anyone else? If I had it my way, I’d never ask anyone for help ever. In my whole life. So I’m sorry I had to.

I felt continually pushed away and disregarded. I withdrew largely because I was dealing with a lot, lots of shame and regret and shock. Lots of damage to my overall mental health that I wouldn’t even begin to process until I moved back into my moms. But I definitely felt like I wasn’t wanted because you had no patience with me and seemed to assume the worst of me all the time.

[surveystodestressme]

111.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 29

2701. What does ‘equal’ mean?

everyone is treated the same with the same rights, etc.

2702. Do you believe in the phrase 'all men are created equal’?

in theory

What about woman?

well i wish they were but they aren’t

2703. Have all persons been specifically 'created’?

uh huh

2704. Are all persons exactly equal?

they aren’t

2705. Or do they just have equal rights (in theory)?

they should be

2706. Does art reflect society or does society reflect art?

a little bit of both i think but mostly society reflects art

2707. Are you living under a little black rain cloud or a ray of sunshine?

right now a little more of a rain cloud but i’m working on it

2708. What do you wonder about?

how my life is going to end up in the next year or so

2709. What is better..being single and free or being in love and responsible to another person?

being in love and responsible.

2710. What vitamins do you take?

none.

2711. In checkers..red or black?

black.

2712. Is The Crow a great movie?

i don’t think i have seen it

2713. Do you wear all black frequently?

not really

2714. Do you ever call yourself a poet, artist, or musician?

no

Has your writing been published, your art been hung in a gallery or your band been signed?

i’ve had one of my art pieces hung in a gallery before

Does it matter?

nahhh, not to me at least

2715. When insects get into your house, do you kill them or catch them and take them outside or leave them alone and let them live with you?

depends on the insect.  if it is a stink bug or a ladybug i will kill it on the spot.  but if it’s something else that i can easily catch then i will let it outside

2716. Name at least one person who’s birthday is in:

Jan.- chandlyre

Feb.- rebecca

Mar.- idk

Apr.- kelci, katie

May- cayenne, denise, dashae, nic

June- megan

July- jackson

Aug.- jher

Sept- my mother, mariann

Oct- brenda, rick

Nov- corben, andy

Dec- my father

2717. Which would you consider to be a worse criminal:

a pedophile or a necrophile?

pedophile.

What if it was between a pedophile, a necrophile and a murderer?

murderer.

2718. Do we start to die the day we are born or start to live the day we die?

i mean, both honestly

2719. Have you ever called your mom or dad a four letter word?

uhhhh, shit? lol probably

2720. Do you believe america should go to war with iraq?

no????

2721. Agree or disagree? (Bold is agree)

“There is too much concern in courts for the rights of criminals.”

“Abortion should be legal.”

“The death penalty should be abolished.”

“Marijuana should be legalized.”

“It is important to have laws prohibiting homosexual relationships.”

“The federal government should do more to control the sale of handguns.”

“Racial discrimination is no longer a major problem in America.”

“Wealthy people should pay a larger share of taxes than they do now.”

“Colleges should prohibit racist/sexist speech on campus.”

“Same-sex couples should have the right to legal marital status.”

“Affirmative action in college admissions should be abolished.”

“The activities of married women are best confined to the home and family.”

“People should not obey laws which violate their personal values.”

“Federal military spending should be increased.”

“Realistically, an individual can do little to bring about changes in our society.”

Why did you agree or disagree to that last statement?

i disagree because it can take one person to make changed in society they just have to be very adamant about it

2722. Let’s say that after you die you become a spirit and you join all the other spirits. Not all of them have lived. You are talking to some who have never lived about how you HAVE lived. One of the spirits who has never lived says they think they will travel to earth in a human body soon and live. They ask you what three things on Earth should I be sure not to miss? You say…

1. making great friends

2. being as happy as possible

3. travel the world

2723. What kind of ass is the sexiest (flat, round, tight, hard, meaty, juicy, small, big, stacked, packed, petite, barely there, curvy, muscular, etc.)?

all asses are sexy

2724. Is there something beautiful and special about everyone?

i think so

If yes is there something beautiful and special about Hitler?

probably before he was a huge dick

How about Bin Laden?

not all evil people start out awful.  like i said he could’ve been an alright person before

2725. Have you ever moshed?

nope

If yes to what bands?

If no then would you ever?

probably not lol i’m sure i’d get my ass knocked over or punched in the face or something

2726. Do you like sushi?

heck yeah

2727. What mood are you in?

pretty bored and tired.

What does your mood depend on?

what i’m doing, how the day has gone, etc.

What depends on your mood?

idk

2728. wHAT IS faith?

believing in someone/something.

what is common sense?

knowing how simple things work

Do you have either or both of them?

yep

2729. Is perfection or imperfection more beautiful?

both are in their own way

2730. Would you think a person doing the following things has a healthy or unhealthy level of insanity?

gives the finger while driving? i mean.. i do that lol so idk

tells their life story to people they just met? i mean i don’t think that’s unhealthy, maybe they just like to talk about themselves

walks up to people and tried to convert them to a religion? unhealthy

says blah? why would that make you insane????

2731. Do you think this is a great line of poetry:

“Journey with me into the mind of a maniac. Doomed to be a killer since I came out the nut sac”

Why or why not?

interesting

2732. Do you think that song lyrics are poems with music?

i guess that’s a way to think of it

2733. In cases of rape which do you think is more of a crime:

a stranger rapes a girl

OR

a girl’s boyfriend rapes her?

they are the same level of terrible.

2734. Did you know that in the USA it is considered to be LESS of a crime if a rapist knows the victim (because it is 'less of a crime’ the rapist gets a less severe punishment)?

Do you agree or disagree and why?

i completely disagree.  i feel like it should be MORE of a crime because the victim (usually) trusts the person and doesn’t expect them to do that to them.  it’s bullshit.  rape is fucking rape.  no matter who rapes who.  man rapes woman or woman rapes man.  whether they be strangers, lovers, friends, family members, etc.  RAPE IS RAPE AND IT IS A HUGE FUCKING CRIME NO MATTER WHO THE RAPIST IS TO THE VICTIM.

2735. In the USA a few weeks ago a guy had beaten up and raped his girlfriend, for which he got 70 days of community service. He had been found guilty, got a year and a half of jail, BUT can you guess why his sentence was reduced to mere community service?

He had a steady job. That’s right. He was found less guilty, because he had a long-term steady job.

How does this make you feel?

that’s fucking bullshit and makes me really fucking mad.  i swear the justice system is so fucked.

2736. Does the character limit of notes or entries annoy you more?

no.

2737. wHO’S YOUR FAVORITE WRESTLER?

the undertaker

2738. Have you ever been trapped in an elevator?

nope

2739. What is more important, tact or honesty?

it depends

2740. Do you have a mentor? Who?

nope.

2741. If you like guys:

would you rather have a 'bad’ guy (motorcycles, smokes, drinks, etc) or a 'good’ guy (family, domesticated, nice guy)? i want a mix of both.

Would you rather have a virgin or a more experienced guy? i wouldn’t care either way honestly.

If you like girls:

Would you rather have a virgin or a more experienced girl? ^^^^^

would you rather have a 'bad’ girl (motorcycles, smokes, drinks, etc) or a 'good’ girl (family, domesticated, nice girl)? ^^^

2742. Do you feel nervous in crowds?

usually, yeah

2743. Did you write a real entry today?

What about?

Was it your best writing?  -

2744. If you were making a 'best of’ entry about your BEST entries ever what would be your top 5 best entries?

-

2745. Do you like to play the lottery?

i’ve bought lottery tickets but never played in the actual lottery

2746. Guess what?

what?

2747. Why did you choose to live one more day?

i’m doing okay

2748. What is the most beautiful myth you have ever read/heard?

mermaids.

2749. Have you ever been stood up?

yep

2750. Finish the following sentences any way you want.

It’s always darkest before.. the sun comes up?

Never underestimate the power of.. women?

Don’t bite the hand that.. feeds you

A miss is as good as a..the person who possesses it?

If you lie down with dogs, you.. get fleas

Love all, trust.. no one

The pen is mightier than.. the pencil

An idle mind is.. ?

Where there is smoke, there’s.. fire

Happy is the bride who.. ?

Two is company, three’s.. a crowd

None are so blind as.. mice?

You get out of something what you.. put in

When the blind lead the blind.. ?

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and.. the whole world cries with you...?

2751. What’s the most interesting assignment you ever had in school?

i got to do a research paper on a subject that was actually very interesting and important to me

2752. What’s the most interesting thing you ever had to do for work?

nothing about my job is interesting lol

2753. Do you feel:

insignificant?

unable to evoke change?

like one person can’t change the world?

like one life and one person’s suffering doesn’t mean very much?

If you answered yes to any of those can you describe why in detail?

kind of

2754. Do you feel like you could contribute as much to society as ____ has?

Albert Einstein:

Abe Lincoln:

Franz Kafka:

Jesus Christ:

no

2755. Are you aware that your brain is the same size as Albert Einstein’s brain?

okay

Do you realize that you have the same number of hours in a day as Abraham Lincoln?

sure.

Did you know that Franz Kafka wrote all of his amazing literature during his lunch breaks at work?

sounds nice

Did you know that we are all made of matter and that you are made of the Same Thing that Jesus was made of?

uh huh

Do you still believe that you couldn’t contribute as much to society as they did?

If yes than WHY?

2756. Is your mind in the gutter?

sometimes.

2757. What do you have to complain about?

lots of things

2758. Do you remember rock n’ roll radio?

nada

2759. Is there such a thing as a food that you burn more calories from digesting than you actually absorb from it?

i doubt it

2760. Hey, if you’ve gotten this far than you and me go way back. We’ve been hanging out for a while now and I gotta know..do you like me?

you’re alright, i guess

2761. What are you doing, Dave?

who the fuck is dave

2762. As far as love goes do you feel it is better to become complete before looking for someone or find someone who completes you?

i think it’s a good thing to be complete before you meet someone because it should not be someone else’s job to complete you.

2763. What attracts you about the opposite sex (or same sex, or both sexes)?

they way they act, their personality, humor

2764. Do you need people or do you not need anyone?

a bit of both.

2765. Is selfishness always bad?

sometimes it’s okay to be selfiesh

Is selflessness always good?

not always

2766. Do you feel like your life is being controlled by a power structure?

somewhat.

2767. Can you name three things in society that send the message that being completely yourself and that looking inside yourself and contemplating what’s within is a good thing?

not at the moment

2768. Can you name three things in society that send the message that materialism and the accumulation of stuff is a good thing?

no.

2769. What is more important, a picture or its frame?

the picture.

What is more important, spirituality or religion?

spirituality.

2770. How many definitions can you come up with for the word 'fuck’?

quite a few

2771. Is it less offensive when a black person says Nigger than when a white person says it?

well, i’m not black so i don’t feel like i can really have an opinion on that

Why or why not?

-

2772. Do you rationalize often?

i guess.

2773. Do you believe that america is an imperialist nation?

idk.

2774. Would you agree that:

hot topic is the new abercrombie?

pink is the new black:

you are the new you? sure

2775. Do you have more internet or real life friends?

real life friends.

2776. What IS the feeding of 5000?

huh?

2777. What’s an easy way to make money?

work

2778. What’s your favorite slang word and what does it mean?

idk

2779. Are you uncomfortable?

sometimes.

2780. Is anything definite besides death and taxes?

lots of things

2781. Would you rather live fast and die young or live slow and die old?

live slow die old lol.

2782. Can you name 4 people who have committed crimes against humanity?

probably

How do you think they live with themselves?

idk.

2783. If you could imagine, pure fantasy, any God you could concieve, how would you want God to be?

perfect, all loving

2784. do you think the smashing pumpkins have a strong christian theme?

i doubt it

2785. Do you think this survey has a strong christian theme?

just religious in general not necessarily christain

2786. Fill in the blank for yourself"

Give me ____ or give me death!

liberty

2787. Have you ever heard of the USA patriotism act?

Apparently they have passed laws making torture legal.

Also the FBI can sneak and peek into ANYONE’S home. They don’t have to ask or even tell you they were there. This is already the law. So, whaddaya think?

we’re fucked basically

2788. The people in power step all over the average citizen, trying to secure all the power and money for themselves and leave us with no rights and under their control. They have the audacity to do this because they know that we will not lift a finger to stop them. Are they right?

somewhat.

2789. The Free State Project is a plan in which 20,000 or more liberty-oriented people will move to a single state of the U.S. to secure there a free society. They will accomplish this by first reforming state law, opting out of federal mandates, and finally negotiating directly with the federal government for appropriate political autonomy. They want to be a community of freedom-loving individuals and families, and want to create a shining example of liberty for the rest of the nation and the world. What’s your opinion? Could this work? Why or why not?

tl:dr.

2790. Have you ever seen the Neverending Stroy?

Remember when Bastian has to prove his worth by looking in that mirror where you see yourself the way you really are with no pretenses, rationalizations or mental lying?

Could you stand yourself if you looked into that mirror?

idts

2791. What is soilent green?

huh?

2792. What are you proud that you have never done?

killed someone

2793. What things are hopeless?

murderers and papists and criminals in general

2794. What Are People For?

good question

2795. What book do you feel could change someone’s life?

idk, everyone has different tastes.

2796. Didja ever want to just walk up to the Bush administration and ask them, 'What the fuck?’

nope

2797. How do you take your coffeee?

sugar and milk

2798. Have you ever played:

paintball? yep

lazer tag? yes.

which is better? laser tag,definitely

2799. In what ways are you lucky?

just everything i’ve had in my life so far.

2800. If Jesse Jackson wants reparations to be given to black people because he thinks that black people don’t have equal opportunities in this country than why does he drive a Jaguar?

idk dude.

[iheartsurveys]

97

01. What is a book that you really want to read? I just bought a book about the history of isis sooo that. Everyone I say that too I feel like I need to tag on that I was/am a crim major very into homeland security 02. What brand was the last lotion that you used? Bath & body 03. What color is your underwear? Gray and mint 04. What was the last type of cookie that you ate? Oatmeal choc chip 05. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be? A beach. Or Italy, always Italy 06. What genre was the last song you listened to? Probably alternative 08. What sort of surveys catch your interest and which ones bore you? I like random ones that ask different questions. I hate ones that always ask the same stuff and like about relationships obviously because I'm single. Or when it's just a yes or no answer like some of those are fine but if the whole survey is like that it's boring 09. What books do you usually enjoy reading and which do you not enjoy? Honestly I'll really read anything. I love a good fantasy or a biography or something non fiction that's interesting. A lil action. Mild romance. The usual. I don't read straight up romance books like the ones the sell in cvs with half naked people on the cover. Not for me 10. What is something that you really want to try, whether it’s a hobby, food, etc? I'm trying to learn a new language on Rosetta Stone 11. What websites do you frequent most often? Facebook Twitter Instagram YouTube mainly. And my school email. 12. What was the last thing you looked up online? I googled Daniel handler, lemony snickets real name, to see what he looks like/stuff about him 13. The last person you found attractive — what did they look like? Some dude on flea market flip lolll just your average white guy with brown hair he had a nice smile idk 14. If you could go back in time, would you prefer to go forward or backward? Well "going back in time" is backward...... But I'd prefer to go forward I think 15. Post a link to the last video you watched online. Nahhh that's too much work 16. Is there anything bothering you at the moment? I'm a little cold 17. What color was the last shirt you wore? Black blue and red. And I guess some yellow 18. What sort of things do you like to post or look at on Tumblr? Surveys obvvvvv. My old tumblr was random though I posted things I like like clothes or people or interior decor or landscapes or random shit 19. What scent was the last candle you burned? Mango dragonfruit, it's a bath & body candle 20. What was the last new thing that interested you? Why? A series of unfortunate events on Netflix. Because I loved the movie and the books back in the day and I love NPH and its just done really well, I'm obsessed 21. What type of people are you usually attracted to? I don't really have a set type, they're all a little different. Funny, smart, slightly douchey lol at least that's what my track record has been 22. Do you collect anything? If so, what? I have all the state quarters in a book, it was a lil thing my grandpa and I used to do. 23. When you look to your left, what is the first thing you see? What about the right? Tv to the left, tapestry to the right 24. What room are you currently in? My room 25. What color is the last blanket you used? Cream 26. If humans were able to colonize on another planet in the future, would you want to go? They're trying to do that on Mars, hellll no I would not 27. What color do you think looks best on you? Black 28. What do you smell like right now? Nothing really 29. If it was possible to celebrate a holiday everyday, which would you choose? Christmas would be fun but also itd get old 30. If you could compare yourself to a celebrity or character, who would it be? I'm so robin scherbatsky 31. Which male celebrities do you find attractive? Well we all know about 1d and I said recently Matthew gray gubler. Add Ryan Reynolds and gosling and Jake gyllenhaal and there's probably more but idk omg wait also Paul Rudd I love Paul Rudd okay that's all for now 32. Which female celebrities do you find attractive? Blake lively, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma stone, Margot Robbie, Lana Del Rey, etc 33. If you could marry one of your favorite celebrities and have a happy relationship until the end of your days, who would it be? Oh man. Honestly probably Harry styles. Maybe Matthew gray gubler if he was younger or I was a lil older 34. What song are you listening to at the moment? Nothing 35. What is currently on your desk? We have a desk in the office, my moms laptop and some papers and a lamp and the printer and desk organizer are on it 36. What brand is your computer? Dell 37. What are the last things you ate and drank? Ate an oatmeal choc chip cookie w milk. But I had water separately 38. Do you play video games at all? What systems do you own? I have a Wii but I don't play often really 39. What is the last video game you played? We played Wii sports on New Year's Eve 40. How often do you take naps and how long do they usually last? Idk, I usually nap on the weekends for sure and sometimes during the week. I usually nap for like an hour and a half. Or sometimes I won't set an alarm and I can sleep for 45 mins or 2 hours 42. Which season do you wish lasted all year? I do love spring but I think I'll say fall because it's so pretty and not humid 43. What is the last part of your body that itched? My leg 44. What are you getting/what do you want to get a degree in? Bs in crim 45. Is there anything that you should be doing right now? I told myself I was going to just watch Netflix but I decided to do one of these first 46. Is there anything you’re craving right now? Not really 47. Do you prefer regular or flavored coffee? What about regular or flavored creamer? I like flavored coffee. Or regular coffee with flavored creamer 48. How do you take your tea? I don't 49. Put your music player on shuffle and list the first five songs that pop up. Ride - Lana Del Rey Drunk in Love - Beyoncé Year 3000 - Jonas brothers Eventually - Tame Impala What the Water Gave Me - Florence + the Machine 50. Where were you born? NY