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dropoutparty · 3 years

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shurara corps ark fix-it concept babeyy!!

under a read more bc this shits long LOL

also this is kinda rambly but whatever

when it comes to shuraras motivations here, maybe he could have been another childhood friend of keroros. idk how they could have been introduced, maybe through pururu or just by meeting in school, but ig that part doesnt rlly matter. what DOES matter though is that shurara decided to tag along with keroro, giroro, zeroro, and pururu on one of their misadventures and he gets hurt during it. BADLY. pururu patches him up, and zeroro apologizes like crazy (since he knows how much this sucks), but shurara is left with a strong dislike of keroro and friends. except for pururu, who he still likes (but im not keeping the crush bc it serves no purpose here) and zeroro who he kinda forgives a little bit but just because he apologized so much. maybe this could have resulted in some major physical injury that affected how he lived for a while, or maybe it spawned a phobia, but either way it left an impact.

putata and mekeke are sent in first with the goal of beating up the platoon a little bit and taking the star because they are the most skilled team. shurara doesnt want the star because of some stupid bandaid, but he wants to take it in order to both deeply hurt keroros pride and also to potentially have his platoon no longer be officially recognized, taking away something that means a lot to keroro. they actually succeed in taking the keron star kinda. when they get back to base, they realize that the star is fake, its just a piece of fabric or paper with tape on it (like what happened in the original arcs ending). this way the shurara corps will be established as an actual threat and also the ending will have actual stakes.

gyororo sends word back to base that the keron star putata and mekeke got was fake, so giruru is sent in to ACTUALLY get the real star, as well as punish the platoon for embarrassing the corps like that. this one plays out kinda like the actual episode (bc im too lazy to think of anything else), but all that matters is that he still ends up captured.

after this, the platoon is like ok this might actually be serious so they go on high alert. one day dororo notices gyororo (who was sent in a little before putata and mekeke to scout the place out and gather info) bc hes the only competent member of the platoon and confronts him, outing his presence to everyone. gyororo fights back but he is also captured in the end.

after the platoon has captured giruru and gyororo , shurara plans to capture and torture a member of the platoon as revenge. before he can do this though, dokuku and nuii decide to rescue giruru and gyororo in secret. nuii serves as a distraction to everyone while dokuku goes to rescue the fellaz. theres some minor conflict but in the end the four of them escape. after that happens, shurara is furious about his subordinates disobeying him and doing things behind his back, but he keeps his goal the same.

im gonna change yukikis powers bc they kinda suck and hes confusing. anyways yukiki isnt actually a snowman, but hes the hat! kinda like in mario odyssey, you put the hat on anyone or anything, and it will immediately be controlled by yukiki. he was an experiment done to try to make a sentient object, and he got his name because he was first tested on a snowman (which also makes it the form hes most comfortable taking). anyways, shurara sends in yukiki to capture someone by taking control of them, but hes defeated somehow and returns empty-handed.

im also gonna change robobos powers a bit. with robobo i dont think that he should have the ability to turn people into electronics because thats dumb and doesnt make any sense, so im gonna give him the ability to just control other machines. he also doesnt have a giant form, and can switch his hands between their magnet form and their drill form. anyways, at this point shurara is furious and decides that he doesnt care about capture anymore, he wants the platoon dead. he decides to send robobo for the job because robots dont have the same margin of error that living things do, or at least theyre supposed to. turns out, they totally do bc robobo also comes back with a failure.

after this, shurara somehow lures the platoon to his base (just like in the anime) but this time everyone is waiting for them there in a big empty room together. shuraras disembodied voice gets a monologue like in the anime and the roof opens, lighting the room up because its a bright spring day. kagege then appears and takes control of the platoons shadows like in the anime! all of the shadows are used to fight the platoon, as well as the corps themselves fighting. its an epic fight, but just when it seems like the platoon is all gonna die, the corps suddenly decide to stop fighting. they all tell the platoon about how shurara has been acting worryingly erratic and obsessive, so they agree to spare the platoons life as long as they confront shurara. the platoon obviously agrees, and theyre taken to a holding area so that shurara thinks that theyve won. they give them this offer because theyre not personally invested in killing these nerds, they dont really care. they ARE worried about shurara though, seeing how obsessed with this hes become.

anyways kagege reports to shurara (in my headcanon hes like shuraras right hand man or something like that) and is like "we beat the platoon, but we didnt kill them. theyre our prisoners right now and were gonna torture them before we let you do the honors" and then shuraras like "poggers!!! thats a great idea!!" and then proceeds to drink his choccy milk and play minedcraft. meanwhile, some of the others are actually patching the platoon up and telling them what to do with shurara. they tell the platoon to try to hurt him as little as possible, and DEFINITELY dont fucking kill him, but just try to knock some sense into him and restrain him or something.

the platoon asks why shurara hates them so much and whoevers patching them up doesnt know, but kagege comes down soon after and tells them shuraras motivations. after this, some understanding can be felt by giroro and dororo (bc they were there, even tho dororo is the only one who remembers shirara like at all) and keroro feels kinda guilty but not too much bc head empty. later, the corps has a big celebration feast and shurara declares that hell painfully kill the platoon bright and early tomorrow. in all the commotion, nuii convinces gyororo to sneak down into the platoons holding cells to bring them some leftover food.

the next day, the platoon is brought to the same room that they fought the corps in, and theyre tied up. shurara is talkin abt how hes gonna kill them all super painfully and stuff but little does he know that the ropes holding the platoon are actually not secure at all (on purpose), so the platoon all escapes their bindings and a fight with shurara ensues. when the platoon is in a tight spot, one of the corps will show up real quick and help them out, kinda like a support in a fighting game. eventually, shurara is tied up and defeated technically.

shurara is whining and stuff and calling the corps a bunch of traitors, but the corps talk to him about how worried they all are about him and that this whole thing has gone too far (you rlly think these goobers are worth all this effort??). shurara says something about how keroro hurt him before, so he wants to hurt him and his platoon back. the corps are like ya i get that but killing them is wayy overkill no pun intended. keroro apologizes and maybe dororo can say something about how keroro also hurt him in the past but hes been able to move past that or whatever and shurara is like bro ur right and he starts crying like da babey he is lmao and there u have it!!! the arcs over and everyone is ok and happy!!! found family trope pog!!!!!!

#keroro gunso #sgt frog #shurara corps #i wont tag anyone lol #if anyone wants to like elaborate on or expand anything here go ham!!#also send it to me bc i wanna read that shit lksdfjlsd #im just sending this out into the ether but if u base somethign off of this idea id like to be credited #as if anyones gonna wanna do that psjdfksdjflk #anyways i hope this is good!! its way better than what we actually got imo but i might be biased

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domjaehyun · 3 years

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SM tends to focus on their main members (main singers, main rappers, main dancers, etc) Picking what they deem are the best trainees and putting them to work from day one. I think if the company paid as much attention to the other members and actually HELP them from said trainee days, they'd truly be equal. Take Baekhyun who didn't stop taking vocal lessons, by his own choice, bc he knew he could always be improving his singing instead of just simply saying "I have perfected my craft." SM needs to find a balance to continue to work WITH their artists without you know,,, actually overworking them *cough* Mark, Haechan and Taeyong *cough*

oop well that negates part of my point from the last ask i answered sjfjdjd i am not surprised baekhyun took vocal lessons !! but no you’re absolutely right they find ppl and go “what’s your Thing?” and if the person Knows Their Thing then they tend to just have that person stick to that for the most part sjfkskd but if the person DOESN’T know their thing then i feel like SM’s strategy is to start just kinda throwing shit at a wall to see what sticks sjfjskfkd which initially could work !! (as you might have expected by now,,, more under the cut sfgjdk)

like i am in full agreement with you djfjsjd i think that if trainees enter the company, regardless of if they already have/know Their Thing, they should be receiving coaching/guidance/classes on each of the areas of talent (singing, dancing, rapping, and… acting? idk what they do sjfjskdkd) bc like . didn’t mark audition as a vocalist……. and now he’s like . THE main rapper…… like if they just took him at his word and they’d never explored his rapping abilities…… they would have done the world a great disservice !! also let’s not forget that ppl have said that haechan did really well in rapping in his trainee days!!

like it is not super common to have like genuinely well-rounded, like, “ace” idols and i think that’s partially because of the fact that agencies (i’m specifically talking abt SM rn, but i’m positive there are other agencies guilty of this) don’t rly seem to express much interest in developing their trainees/idols past their most prominent talent ig? like tbh? when i think of “aces” in kpop, i think of …wait pause …ykw is so interesting? i immediately thought of jonghyun and taemin from shinee… maybe also key? but i don’t even… listen to shinee… i think i was partially influenced by ppl around me but i also do know that just from what i’ve seen from both of them, they’re exceptionally talented!! (gonna be real though i don’t believe i’ve heard them rap so i can’t rly judge that)

but like?? if i had to name members of NCT that come closest to like “aces” to me, i’d say haechan (singing, dancing, performing, and based off what other ppl have said abt his rapping, i might say rapping too, but i feel like it’s not rly fair to say when i haven’t seen for myself, y’know?) and maybe ten (singing, dancing, performing, and also i feel like . the more “rap” like parts i’ve heard him do before were very well done to me so… tentatively, i could throw rapping in there, too, but i feel like . that’s, again, not rly a fair point bc i haven’t heard much of him rapping) and if i’m not naming someone you think is an “ace” in NCT then i sincerely apologize but (1) i am not thinking too hard abt that particular thing rn (2) you and i might not agree on what criteria we'd use to consider someone an "ace," which is totally okay!!

but yeah no i totally agree also bc like . realistically . i feel like they aren’t preparing for the longevity of their groups v well… like… if they're not prepping the younger members to fill any gaps the older members will leave when they go to enlist, then they're prob gonna see a drop in performance/success y'know?

but yeah gjsfdkl i feel you entirely like . i rly do think they'd find it more beneficial to their business too, as well as potentially more enriching/exciting for the idols, if they encouraged their idols to try new stuff and hone their talents in as many areas as possible!! esp bc like . both haechan and taeyong are gonna have to enlist eventually... so . what do they plan to do then............. dfkjgsjkld anyway . yes i feel you we are on the exact same page bestie

#answered #anon

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spector · 4 years

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would i be able to ask you to explain the secrets of gender to me because i am very confused right now about what's going on with mine, but i very much respect what you're doing. thank you

MAN idk how to describe it but for me my gender journey started with realizing im not comfortable w/ certain aspects of Feminity... and as cliche as it sounds, realizing that gender truly is a social construct also helped me a lot... and talking to my gf also helped me a lot, i remember saying that id like to try out the they/them pronoun just w/ her for now and she was sooooo supportive ... man idk this is hard to put into words... for me its like.. i recognize that there are certain aspects of human life that get gendered and i dont mind that some things are seen as Female qualities and some are seen as Male qualities, i just want the freedom to pick and choose as i like. i vibe with hardcore masculine shit a lot but i also vibe with feminine shit as well. i dont question their categorization i just want to be able to subscribe to them both at any time i want.

sometimes i dont want a gender at all and sometimes id kill to be a cis man and sometimes i think about what an amazing woman i’m going to be in the future... i dont know man, it really does change a lot for me... sometimes i feel guilty for not trying to transition ... but i think i would be dissatisfied with any End State, i will be unhappy as a perfectly feminine woman and i will be unhappy as a perfectly manly man. but i also cannot be a true neutral so i’m allowing myself a lot of freedom. im letting our society and culture tell me what gender is and while i know its fake, i like to play along sometimes. its like watching a movie, you have to suspend ur disbelief if u want to let the plot progress. i dont think id be happy in a world w/o gender, i want gendered things in our world, i just need them to be valued in the same way.

this is a bit of a ramble, i havent talked abt my gender in a while... its like... you know. i hate to say this bc its a cliche but its truly fluid. if gender is a construct then it means it can be revised at any moment. this is why i can point at a movie and say its my gender and its not even a joke, its just a shortcut for saying “this piece of human culture resonates with me, the values and visuals align with qualities i enjoy and those qualities happen to be gendered as well’

i doubt that i helped u in any constructive way so my advice to you is... idk take it easy!! if u want something concrete thats great!!! but if you cant settle anywhere, i think thats also great!!! dont let anyone tell you that you have to be on a journey if you dont want to go anywhere.

#Anonymous

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angrylizardjacket · 4 years

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Yaaasss!!! Jelous Ben was si cuteee and we love a supportive mother, her mom is fantastic and a savage. I hace a question, how did you come up with reader's character in x-men?? I legit googled it as I thought it was a real character, so welk done.

i love her mum so fuckin much, dude, she’s supportive but can still be embarrassing at times. i wrote her, not like my actual mum, but like my dad now that i think about it. dude literally told me over the phone that he’d physically fight people for shittalking me (not just in general, there’s more context, but the point still stands). idk i think it’s disingenuous to not let parental characters have certain flaws, like they’re allowed to be overprotective and spiteful, as well as caring and supportive. i love her too.

oH SHIT DUDE LEMME TALK ABT MY GIRL CASSIDY TEMPLE I LOVE HER SO FUCKING MUCH AND I”VE PUT SO MUCH THOUGHT INTO HER THAT THIS WILL HAVE A READ MORE

so cassidy’s powers are actually based off of an xmen oc i’ve already written 70k about, Aoibheal Cassidy, younger sister of Banshee, Sean Cassidy, and Cassidy Temple’s name is a reference to her, since originally I was going to essentially have Y/N playing Aoibheal (because it’s my fic and i can include an homage to my xmen oc as a treat). the powers themselves are based loosely on Multiple Man from X-Men: The Last Stand, except Cassidy’s clones can’t live a life of their own like his can. In the xmen fic, aoibheal starts off with having unlimited clones, and they can explode because i thought it was neat tbh.

From the original fic, Molotov Heart, chapter 3, rubatosis:

[Context; humans experimenting on mutants between X-Men First Class and X-Men Days Of Future Past have caught Sean and Aoibheal and they experiment on them even though Aoibheal’s powers have not manifested (she is approximately 13) and they kill her brother in front of her]:

Stunned into silence, she can feel something white-hot building inside of her, all the rage and fear and pain becoming almost tangible.

She mutates.

Copies of Aoibheal, clones, appear around them, filling up the space between the now screaming and bewildered 'doctors'. Aoibheal herself doesn't seem to notice the clones, bawling her eyes out, an action the clones themselves are mirroring, and she thinks of nothing but freedom and escape, focusing on the white-hot feeling inside of her until it overwhelmed her. With the force of a bunker-buster bomb, the clones began to combust, began to explode, first a few, and then all at once. Killing the human personel who had kept her hostage, the blast reduced the warehouse to mere cinders, freed Aoibheal and left her clothing in tatters, but she was alive damn it.

The reason Cassidy has a limited number is because i needed a way to have her powered up as a horseman, like a distinct power up, rather than just something unseen like heightened reflexes and strength.

I would like to point out also, that it’s not stated, but Cassidy’s explosions (NOT AOIBHEAL’s) are never to do with heat, they’re always about force. the explosions themselves are never hot, never have anything to do with fire or anything like that, she builds up force inside of the clones, and lets it tear her apart from the inside out as a wave that destroys the things it comes into contact with.

The scream was originally hereditary, like Banshee, it developed as her secondary mutation.

From the Marvel Wiki:

The Secondary Mutation (or "Second Mutation") is a phenomenon in which an existing mutant undergoes another mutation, gaining additional powers, such as healing, or a change in appearance.

Secondary mutation is noted as the appearance of new powers, or an increase in existing powers.

It was stated by Beast that the secondary mutations usually occurred in the twenties of the subjects, and generally appeared in time of great stress.

From the original fic, chapter 8, nodus tollens:

The appearance of the secondary mutation:

The world falls apart in a blur of movement. The gun goes off just after Raven jumps and makes a break for the window, the bullet curves as she crashes through the glass, following her on the way down. Tackling Erik earns Hank a mean right hook to the jaw, but Aoibheal’s there, looking at Trask like a dear in the headlights, memories whipping through her head like a hurricane - the sick fuck looks pleased to see her – her mouth falls open and she screams. She and the clone scream in tandem, their voices supersonic as the surrounding people clutched their ears for dear life; struggling to keep a hold of the feeling in her chest that caused her to explode, the clone detonates like a firework, scorching the wallpaper while Trask is stumbling to the door. There’s blood leaking from his ears but Aoibheal can’t move, can only scream and relive the memory of her brother’s murder over and over again.

Hank discussing it:

"I've never seen a secondary mutation so vastly different!" No longer blue or furry, [Hank’s] smile is excited as he looks over at her. Sharing the cockpit feels almost familiar by now, with Aoibheal curled up in the passenger seat nursing a glass of water. "It makes sense though, your original mutation – the explosions – would be an extension of your temperature immunity, but your secondary mutation is hereditary."

Cassidy’s scream, however, unlike Banshee’s, only effects things with ears, not inanimate objects like glass. Of course she could learn the right pitch to get glass to shatter like an opera singer, but generally speaking, her scream only effects things that can hear.

OKAY LETS TALK ABT THE STUFF I FABRICATED FOR THE FIC

oh GOD I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIP WITH MAGNETO

not as in romantic, as in he is literally her character’s main inspiration in the films. i’m literally making a fake trailer right now that’s intercut with moments from his DOFP speech that was broadcast to the whole of america.

i love dofp (possibly to my detriment) but i always thought it was weird that no-one was ever like.... magneto has a point. BECAUSE HE HAS A POINT. he’s speaking directly to disenfranchised and SCARED mutants across the nation, and yet everyone’s heralding Mystique as the new face of mutant kind. YES she made a point, but like.... did no-one vibe with magneto when he promised the destruction of mankind? i would. anyways.

so i thought it would be interesting for this character, Cassidy, to have this hero-worship of Magneto, taking his words to heart like scripture, ultimately making her a foil for Phoenix, Xavier’s protege.

it’s why i specifically included this:

“You should be,” you hissed, putting your all into the words as you spoke them, and you hear Ben inhale sharply beside you, “we shall inherit the Earth.”

“What follows is a struggle as Cassidy and the figure – revealed to be her clone – proceed to kill the man. When they’re finished, and the man’s dead on the ground, Cassidy straightens her outfit, and we hear –“ as the director reads, Michael begins to slowly clap, “a slow clap, and it’s revealed that Apocalypse, as well as Storm, Angel, and Magneto, had all witnessed the event.”

“We are the future, we are the ones who shall inherit the Earth,” Michael reads as he stops clapping.

“Magneto,” you breathe reverentially, and when you look to him, you and Michael share a sharp smile.

which is a direct quote from magneto’s speech in Days of Future Past:

You built these weapons to destroy us. Why? Because you are afraid of our gifts. Because we are different. Humanity has always feared that which is different. Well, I'm here to tell you, to tell the world, you're right to fear us. We are the future. We are the ones who will inherit this earth, and anyone who stands in our way will suffer the same fate as these men you see before you. Today was meant to be a display of your power. Instead I give you a glimpse of the devastation my race can unleash upon yours. Let this be a warning to the world. And to my mutant brothers and sisters out there, I say this; no more hiding, no more suffering. You have lived in the shadows in shame and fear for too long. Come out, join me. Fight together in the brotherhood of our kind. A new tomorrow, that starts today.

which ALSO is what turns her into the next big villain for the franchise, because she sees Magneto, the man she kind of thinks of like a god, turn on and help kill Apocalypse, the man who claimed to be an actual god, and side with the people who, ultimately, don’t want to destroy the human race like she does, and also killed the man she loved. she takes Magneto’s ideologies and turns them up to 11. he fucks off to create a mutant paradise away from prying eyes and is happy, she won’t be happy until all humans are punished.

it’s why, in the beginning, she and raven can’t still work together, because raven wants to rescue mutants, but not at the expense of unnecessary human lives, and cassidy sees all humans as complicit in the torture, and therefore deserving of punishment.

she has deemed herself judge, jury, and executioner of human kind, and they have all been found guilty.

i’m so excited to see if i get around to writing some of the next film because i really want to explore the dichotomy of Xavier’s ‘no-one is ever really gone/there’s always hope’ and magneto’s ‘you were right to be afraid of us, we are the ones who shall inherit the earth’. Everyone has given up on Cassidy in one way or another, whether it be by betrayal or death, and so when she finds this symbiote who literally becomes a part of her, makes her stronger, and is happy to kill people with little regard for who they are, she’ll take it.

EDIT: here’s the first 26 seconds of the fake trailer (Y/N here is played by Jurnee Smollett, aka Black Canary from Birds of Prey)

youtube

ANGEL & RIOT

i wanted y/n to kiss ben hardy that’s literally it.

actually no that’s not it 100%, i think it’s super amusing in a kind of bleak way that he got fridged for her, like his death, both in the “””comics””” (as in the comic universe for the fics) and in the film, causes her to seek out a force that would help bring him back to life. in the “””comics””” she originally seeks out a mutant, but when the mutant who can bring people back refuses to help her, she’s told of experiments at The Life Foundation, who are working on engineering the next step in human evolution, and she’s thinking that they’re experimenting on mutants again, like trask, and goes in guns blazing, but instead finds symbiotes. she bonds with a symbiote, thus becoming Riot Control, and the symbiote initially promises her all these things, including being able to find a way to ressurect angel, but eventually (in the “””comics”””) the power he gives her overtakes her need to ressurect her love, and riot ends up using her to try and build a ship to bring more symbiotes to take over earth.

IN THE FILM

okay OKAY okay OKAY so she’s looking for a way to ressurect angel at first, but riot’s in her ear while he’s seeing all her memories, and is convincing her to get revenge on the people who are responsible for his death (nightcrawler, jean, and Magneto specifically) so its not that the xmen are just in the plot by happenstance there’s like actual beef, love it.

I also love that Cassidy’s powers are handicapped when she’s got Riot, since her scream would injure or even possibly kill him. Yes i specifically paired her with a symbiote for that reason, which is also the reason why her clone explosions aren’t heat based.

but anyway, can i spoil the ending? i wanna spoil the ending;

so there’s this big showdown between riot control and the xmen, and jean confronts cassidy, trying to talk her down like ‘what would angel think if he saw you? What you’ve become?’ and Cassidy’s furious, thinking that jean’s trying to guilt her, like, angel would be so ashamed

“Keep his name out of your fucking mouth, you have no idea what he’d think-”

“He’d be terrified of you.” And it’s so fucking like, cruel and cold coming from Jean.

“Shut up.”

“You have become a monster; you have maimed your idol-” [we cut to a shot of magneto looking all fucked up and bloody, watching with anger in his eyes] “and you have left Angel for dead. If you’d really cared about him, you would have already gotten him back. Instead, you come for revenge against the people who could have helped you -”

or something like that, and riot control has a whole breakdown, lashing out, snarling that no-one could help her, and when they tried, they ended up dead (angel, apocalypse) and she starts losing control, and her voice starts to distort in and out of riot’s, making it clear he’s taking control of her completely.

there’s this big, final fight, which culminates with jean grabbing cassidy’s face and trying to burn riot out of her.

“No-one is beyond help.” And Jean’s like, got tears in her eyes, desperate to save this girl who’s caused so much pain, but who sees herself as so wretched and beyond help, and we see the symbiote burning away and screaming, but also the physical signs of cassidy’s mutation as like, peeling away in embers, like the black scales around her eyes, and the way her whole eyes are seen as black is now clearing away, and she takes both of Jean’s hands and forces her to keep holding on, to keep looking in her natural fucking eyes for the first and last time as she burns out too.

“You can’t save everyone.” and then Cassidy’s just ash in the wind.

also this ending, in a meta-sense, makes sense, because after this Disney buys Fox and there’s no more this-universe X-Men films, so they had to do a self-contained story, there couldn’t be things left super unresolved.

OR maybe she’s fine, maybe she gets saved and riot burns out of her (spoilers, he fucks off and doesn’t die, hence, Venom (2018); it takes him about 20 years to recuperate) i haven’t decided.

#the angry lizard speaks #hyniels #dreashappyworld

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heyyylittlemo · 4 years

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Ask game

1. Where did you hide the body??

Me: *pause* No, where did you hide the body—

*police stare at me with disbelief*

Me: there’s no—there’s not a single body here—well stop looking at me like that, you’re the cop! You should know! Why are you asking me for! Body? Whaaaaaat. Ahaha.

*cops shake head*

*whispers to my friend* Guys I think I pulled that one off

Police: you know we can hear everything you’re saying

me: 👁👄👁

2. Favorite rock? The 1975. Dominic Fike. Arctic Monkeys. Bad Suns. The killers. Pale Waves. Etc. That good good shit 👌

3. Most aesthetic season? Fall. Love them orange colors. The leaves falling. Though spring is also neat if you have a bunch of flowers bloomin in shit and winter is only aesthetic when it’s snowing. Boring ass summer tho just be heating me up.

4. When texting do u shorten words or spell out? I used to write stuff out all the time mostly but now it’s like half and half bcuz its just faster and nobody got time for it 🤣🤣

5. Vintage stuff? Hell yeah, but maybe not anything too expensive since some old stuff IS hyper expensive.

6. Colors that pop or blend? Not sure I understand what u mean abt them blending ahaha u mean like when they’re so similar to another?? Well I think it’s nice but honestly I prefer a pop and a bang, y’Know?

- At this moment I realized I was answering the last few questions from a completely different ask and felt like a dumbass 😂 anyways the actual number we’re on is three so imma just kickback

3. Worst dream u have ever had? I had sleep paralysis but was imbetween that and a lucid dream. At first I was paralyzed and could see my bed but my eyes felt closed and open at the same time?? A giant dark demon looking dog had towered over me and began to tear at my neck. It looked and felt very real I started to try to scream and it felt like a scream was coming out but no sound exited. Then I went into a lucid dream where I was being chased by this dog and running for my life I was running by and nobody could save me nobody in the dream when it caught up to me I was back in my bed and it was trying to eat me again. I was so terrified I couldn’t sleep for a whole week.

4. Lyric that comes to your mind? “And I don’t think I can be there. I’m paralyzed,I’m terrified of being alone. When you said I deserved what had happened.”

5. Blood make u uncomfortable? Yes, I passed out once when getting my finger pricked and a VERY small blood sample and another when dissecting a fish.

6. Even or odd numbers? Well I like the number 5,7,9, 3 so odd. (Like me 🤣🤣)

7. Something I hate that I love? Anything I’ve ever loved becuz love can be frustrating. Bruh.

8. 1st initial of someone I hate? Hmm...do I hate someone tho? Not that I can think of...

9. *Skipping down the lane* NOPE

10. Corn dogs? It’s funny cuz when I think of corn dogs my mind will always go to when we first moved to our current house because at our initial town we never had Sonic and while we were getting the house fixed up and moving stuff we use to always get Sonic since it was the closest to us most times to eat and that was a bunch of corn dogs and hotdog days 🤣 so thnk u corn dogs for ur service

11. I’m not a huge movie person so...I looked up movies from 2005 and movies Inlike from this time are Brokeback mountain bcuz it’s gay af, Shark Boy and Lava Girl damn I rewatched the shot out of it when I was younger, Narnia and the Chocolate Factory(although it low key creeped me out as a kid, and idk why).

12. Least fav music genre? Most country, most EDM, dubstep, screaming/really hard rock, some pop music, mumble raping.

13. As someone who waits on tables, my job is my least favorite restaurant experience 🤣🤣 just dealing with ppl...like ok, I’m half Hispanic right?? But I look white. Well, I work at a Mexican restaurant and so sometimes racist costumers will say shady shit just bcuz I guess they think it’s appropriate to say it to me just bcuz I’m not Hispanic in their eyes?? But it pisses me off and I feel like I can’t say anything without causing a drama which I hate and when the “costumers always right” it can be hard to budge and stand up and say “bitch wtf did u just say??” And there’s just folks who take things the wrong ways or ask too much at once or give u a hard time or just say something that sticks onto you for the whole day. One bad move can turn my whole day upside down.

14. 3 things never come near me? Cockroaches, Needles, and close mind ppl

15. Worst way to die? With regrets. Something really brutual, random, or where something just happened to go wrong (accident). Being killed by someone u love.

16. Unusual habits? Doing a Michael Jackson esque “hee-hee” after every sneeze I make, being extremely clumsy and making every task 100% more difficult, having the ability to talk as if I have an accent that comes from nowhere in particular just stupidity also I can’t speak my own language half the time 🙃getting words confused or misusing them in a sentence so I sound dumb having a very weird imagination and thoughts, I swear it like I never went to school and don’t know how the world works, plus many many more

17. Clothing style u want? I want to dress in a way that screams who I am and is a blend of both femininity and masculinity. A little vintage. Grunge. Urban maybe?? What do I know abt fashion 🤣🤣

18. Song or artist that deserves more? Dijon, hands down. I love his stuff. He’s like Frank Ocean meets light-singing beautiful lyricist with a more rock vibe?? Hidden gem. I also think Durand Jones & the Indications needs more love along with BadBadNotGood they sound like old-times but are new!! Oh, and Pale Waves is like a female The 1975 and kicks it. Bad Suns is a good alt rock band that no one seems to recognize :,D Toro y Moi too! His song with Flume “The difference “ is a banger!! Kid Cudi is my man when I want a blend of rock and rap. Also Dominic Fike,King Krule, and Roy Blair, who are all amazing!! Ok I need to stop 🛑

Duck I answered the past questions from a different post I’m sorry 😐

17. Emoji never used? There’s a bunch since I reuse the same over and over again. Lmao

18. 3 sentence Gatorade horror story? A faint quiver overtook the small freezer the Gatorade lay in; no one had come by in days, hours, weeks; when was the last time he met the lips of a thirsty body? They’d forgotten about him, as his last sips remained glued to his hollowing entrance. ‘Help, ‘it wanted to say, but it’s frozen lips could not be moved; It’d stay here, die here...just like the rest.” What am I doing with my life 🤣🙏

19. Do u know what an old bay is? A bay that is old? And old ocean? Idk!!!

20. Can u dance? Sometimes I dance when I’m alone but nothing spectral lol

21. What first comes to ur mind when u see ropes? 2 extremes. Sex and death. Hm. Ok. Moving on.

22. Make an obscure reference. “Even a bra couldn’t hold these nipples” *Holds a water gun to chest*

23. Fav balloon color? Pink or yellow.

24. If u were in court would u be innocent or guilty? Depends, what am I in court for 🤣 lmao jk honestly idk bcuz I don’t think I’d wind up in there

25. Are u hungry ? Nope

26. Unlucky number? Hm I don’t think so but I have a lucky number “123”

27. What’s “JMD”stand for? I’m guessing...Jamming my d—- 💀lol jk ahaha why am so dirt

28. Random inside joke? *chirpy squeak* I’m making a double batch of cookies

29. What sends chills up ur spine? Seeing disgust food or smell disgust or talking abt disgust things like gore

30. How many questions are in ur inbox? A pathetic zero ahaha no one want to ask me anything 😂

31. Someone real who scares u. 2 of my ex friends. One when I was 10 said disturbing things and I was kinda forced onto the friendship and everything they said make me fear for others lives...and then a different ex friend who seemed normal at 1st but became both low key psychopath cult leader type stuff and I booed out of there—-.

32. Run or hide? Uhh probably hide because I’d say even if ppl say “u can run but u can’t hide” u CAN just hide! that’s the point of hiding they not find u xD also why not combine them? Hide then run somewhere far away once I got them off the trial.

33. Last person who made u angry? A frickin beetle that flew at me and pinched me in the middle of singing in the shed xD also my autocorrect

34. What’s going on in ur head? I should probably pee soon—

35. Little thing that makes u Smile? A lot of little things bruh.

36. Are u a descisive person?

Not sure.

*pAuse *

Ok, I guess I’m not then 🤣

37. Would ppl say I’m paranoid? Hm maybe about certain things social situations, singing in front of others what ppl think abt me etc etc

38. Store least likely in? Any southern clothes shop, Abercrombie & Finch types shit, lol

39. Do I like hats fave type? Hm not wear many hats but I think they’re cool any type is cool for different ppl and their aesthetici just can’t rock a hat.

40. Bow ties or ties? Don’t really care but now want to see more bow ties

41. Who? You.

42. What? Reading this shit

43. Where? In ur ass

44. When? Now.

45. Why? Not even u know why.

46. How? We all want to know

47. Do u collect anything? Vinyl records.

48. What tome is it? Time to get a watch

49. Fav transportation? My car or walk is possible

50. Would u ever kill someone to save someone? Don’t want to think about that

51. Make a joke. Yo, it’s time to make a joke—so the other day I was working. And I was practicing my Spanish, yes? Anyone whose trying to learn anew language k n o w s that sometimes words can be so close to another u just confuse then! So apparently churros in Spanish is a desert but if u say it more harshly (it literally sounds almost the same) it makes a whole different meaning—diharrea, but like I didn’t know that so I legit just walked up to this person and asked if they would like some shit to eat. So yeah, that was great. Let’s not forget that I mixed up blood, watermelon, and sangria which is a wine. I legit once said I had mixed wine in my vines and another time watermelon 🤣

52. I’m really confused so I skip

53. Would ur dash be confiscated SFW? By dash do u mean this account? Um not 😬

54. Do I like to cuddle? Hell yeah and manhandle ppl all the time it’s my affection

55. What makes u angry? Close minded ppl or ppl who jump too fast to conclusions, strict schedules just dumb stuff that people try to force when I just want to be carefree 😭✌️

56. How many voices are in ur head? 😐

57. Do U consider urself mentally stable? 😐

58. Are u easily offended? Well U just called me mentally unstable and asked it there was voices in my head!!

59. What’s wrong with taking the backstreets? Uhm...

60. Any questions u want ppl to ask u? Nothing in particular but it’s be nice if someone care to ask me something abt me from personal question to my opinions on shit to 19 days fandom related junk 😌

Woooo I’ve finished this game! Thanks to @seiji-amasawa for introducing me to this ^^

#tag game #game #ask #19 days #19days

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justkpopjokes · 7 years

Text

Oops || Tattoo Artist AU

Ft. Tattoo Artist!Mingyu

Anon: “OKAY, THIS IDEA JUST CAME TO MIND AND I THINK IT’S FREAKING COOL AND ALL, OMGGG LOL. tattoo artist!mingyu GOD BLESS ME”

A/N: Mini mini collab with @justsomekpopstuff!! I asked JJ if we could connect our AUs together because we both have tattoo artist AUs lol. God bless this anon for this idea anD SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT

Tattoo Artist!Joshua

So Mingyu is really good at drawing APPRECIATE THE TOL BEAN

His good drawing skills make him a really good tattoo artist, and to make it even better he’s friendly!!

A real gentle clumsy giant

He does a great job at balancing his gentle personality and his skill while working

People know him for his “creativity”, but to his co-workers, he’s only creative because he needs to cover up his mess-ups

He’s a good artist but like,,, he’ll get distracted while talking and accidentally colour smth wrong

So he’ll draw smth else to cover it up

To the customers, he’s just improvising

But his co-workers just know he messed up

At least all of his works are “unique” lmao

Since he’s really kind, he often is tasked to work on people who are getting tattoos for the first time or need something to distract them from the pain

Despite people being scared bc he’s like the tallest guy in the shop, Mingyu always makes sure people feel comfortable with having a needle on their skin & understand what’s happening so they don’t feel scared

I can barely write this though because let’s be honest Gyu shouldn’t be let near needles much less holding one BUT ANYWAYS

I mentioned Gyu is tasked with people who haven’t had a tattoo done before

You’re one of those people.

You and your friend went into this store to get matching tattoos

She’s one of your best friends, but contrasting to you, she has a lot of tattoos

She managed to drag you to the shop to get one and “live a little”

Once you walked in, your friend was immediately recognized and she took a seat at one of the empty stations

Mingyu came over and was about to ask what she wanted when she called you over to look at a collection of designs

Cue him freezing up and staring at you

Honestly, he’s a bit shaken because you look really anxious but cute whAT

He tries to focus more on the anxious part and comfort you by asking “is this your first time here? It’s ok if you’re nervous, just don’t think about it too much. It’ll be alright!”

Tbh just seeing this tall guy act so sweet makes you calmer already

You both make eye contact for a couple seconds until your friend tugs at your shirt to look at a design she wants you to get while rolling her eyes

It’s an arrow made with the word “forever” to show you’ll “forever be friends…because let’s be honest, if we weren’t meant to be friends for life I wouldn’t have been able to drag you into this in the first place” (as said by your friend)

My friend says this sounds like a stereotypical cringey tattoo but hey

“I’m here because you promised me coffee”

“And I promised coffee because you’d still be asleep otherwise”

Mingyu is cracking up at your friend’s teasing and starts to gather what he needs to start

After your friend has her tattoo done, she steps out to buy your coffee

Leaving you alone,,, with this dude,,,,

You’re not really scared of needles but for some reason, the whirring noises are making you nervous and shaky, so Mingyu has to stop before he’s even started

You apologize, but the shaking and that giddy feeling don’t disappear

He notices you getting embarrassed, so he sets down the needle-pen and looks at you for a little bit

“Are you scared of needles?”

“No…I’m just…I dunno, nervous?”

“Yeah, almost everyone’s like that their first time. Nothing to be embarrassed about you know. I’ll make sure it doesn’t hurt so much”

hoW CAN SOMEONE BE SO CHEESY ADORABLE WHEN TALKING ABOUT TATTOOS

He proceeds to place his hand over your shaking one and looks into your eyes mK THEN

It’s weird but you just do the same

Thankfully his co-worker Joshua managed to help snap him out of his trance

By literally shouting across the shop “HEY MINGYU”

And then screaming playing some overused romantic songs through the speakers

Once you hear the lyrics, you both turn red

Gyu just turns around and glares at a snickering Joshua

“Sorry about my co-worker…”

You just giggle and say “Oh it’s fine…you do look really red though”

That just makes him turn redder and mess up badly

“Oh goD IM SORRY”

You look at the mess up; the arrowhead looked like the feather side (↟)

He usually would improvise immediately, but as this was part of a match, he didn’t know what to do

Luckily you were really calm and had something to say

“Hm…how about you tattoo that into a heart?”

Mingyu goes with your idea, grinning like a dork

When it was done, you smiled and looked at your new tattoo fondly as Gyu looked at you fondly

That’s when your friend returned and saw that there was a difference

However, she was content with it, though she said she might return to change hers once it healed

You quietly thank Mingyu and take your ice coffee from your friend

Mingyu goes off to clean up but looks to the door right as you’re about to leave, where you shyly wave and leave Gyu with a helpless grin on his face

Now oBViously Gyu’s gonna get teased for acting so smitten which is exactly what Josh does :’)

So now Mingyu desperately wants revenge

Which he tries to do when Josh finds himself in a similar smitten situation

But it was just too cute and awkward that Gyu couldn’t bring himself to do it

Thankfully manager Seungcheol took matters into his own hands and set them up on a date LOL (trust me this is relevant)

And that kinda makes Gyu realize how soft he is

A couple weeks later, Mingyu’s taking a short break when your friend comes back in to get her tattoo updated to be like yours

He fixes her tattoo as normal, but right before she leaves she asks what his favourite coffee is(???)

He just answers green tea latte or smth idk what coffee he likes ok

“Oh ok, I need to talk to you abt something, so can you come to the coffee shop next door in a few minutes? I’ll order your latte before you get there”

Mingyu’s really confused because…why

But he goes next door anyway after cleaning up and leans on the wall on his phone, waiting for his drink

When the barista finally calls his name, he gets his drink

…which is not a green tea latte

He’s about to ask the barista if there was a mix-up

But then he realizes that right next to him is you

“oH HI fancy seeing you…here…with my drink?”

Turns out you were also wondering why your order is wrong too

And when you look up to meet Gyu’s eyes, you flush and step away from the counter to talk

“So uh…are you taking a break from the shop?”

“Yeah. Actually, your friend invited me here, she said she needed to talk to me about something.”

“She did? She told me she’d meet me here after she got her tattoo done”

“Where is she?”

“She’s been in the bathroom since she ordered my drink…”

Then everything falls into place

Mingyu just says “Hmm…I think I know why you have my drink now…I’ll take that,” while swapping the cup in your hand for the one in his

When you look out the window, there’s your friend, smiling cheekily and waving

You don’t say anything to Gyu

So you chat for a while until Mingyu needs to go back to the shop

He doesn’t leave without your number though ;)

You can bet Joshua notices the smile on his face and forces persuades Mingyu to gush about what happened

One day, you arrive at the shop

And when you sit in front of a distracted Gyu he jumps 15 feet into the air

To everyone’s surprise, you actually want another tattoo

Just a small one on your wrist

He gets to choose which one ;)

So Gyu starts drawing a tiny design

When suddenly there’s this chorus of screaming from across the room

Because Joshua and the girl he went on a date with have started blasting Careless Whisper over the speakers

“i’M nEVer GoNnA dANcE AgAIN,,,GUiLTY feET hAVe gOT nO RHYtHm”

Cue you both getting really flustered

“godDAMIT JOSHUA I MESSED UP AGAIN”

“HOW ABOUT YOU TRY NOT TO MESS UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND GIVE THEM A KISS”

#seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen au #seventeen mingyu #seventeen fluff #mingyu imagines #mingyu scenarios #kim mingyu #svt scenarios #svt au #jkj fics #.txt

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jooheongif · 6 years

Note

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

#how did i..even end up writing so much im so sorry :-(#and sorry that this is all over the place !!#i hope i didn't go on too much of a tangent :(#ask #theory anon #Anonymous

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thepsychicclam · 7 years

Text

The worst part of social anxiety is not knowing if ppl’s reactions are reality or just in your head.

I have been battling with my head for weeks abt whether or not ppl are being cool or not with me. It’s easy to say “it’s all in your head!!!” But I’m terrified I said something to upset ppl or am just overall generally annoying to ppl.

i think the problem is that i went a few yrs with very few IRL friends. i had my sister and my bff, but other than coworkers and students, i didn’t have friends or ppl i went out with. when i moved to boston, it was literally my sister. and now, i’m making some friends. i’ve gone to dinner, to their houses, you know - having friends like a normal person.

it’s hard. that sounds so STUPID. it’s not like we’re super close or anything. it’s very casual friends. but god, it triggers my social anxiety EVERY TIME WE’RE TOGETHER. my brain just whirls and overanalyzes and is paranoid and - it sucks. i hate spending every evening after interacting dissecting what i said and thinking i’m an idiot or said something wrong. i hate being around them and not knowing WHAT to say and being awkward and not understanding how to easily join a conversation and then trying and accidentally interrupting or speaking over someone.

like i went to one of their houses friday night, and i was so anxious i was sweating through my clothes. and i swear, my life is like bridget jones bc that is me in any social situation. and there was a semi-cute single guy there that was nice and i tried talking to him, but i became monosyllabic and stumbled over my words and my brain froze and when he looked at me and smiled, i just kinda maybe smiled and turned my eyes to the floor bc i can’t look at a cute dude and smile wtf?????

like, i used to be able to socialize with ppl. wtf happened to me??? it’s like the last decade i have been in this whole with like 2 friends and my parents and very few other “friends”. talking to coworkers and students is easy. it’s short, small talk. and you can just not say anything and no one cares. but trying to talk to friends is so difficult.

it doesn’t help that we’re VERY different. they’re very small town southern, not into geeky things. they don’t watch the same television shows and movies i do and don’t really read books. their jobs are very different. i like them - don’t get me wrong. but fundamentally, i feel so different. and sometimes i feel like THAT person bc they have barely left their tiny town in south carolina to do anything, and i’ve traveled all over the US and europe and lived in three different states and had like a zillion jobs and have all these interests and i just have stopped saying things bc i feel like THAT guy when i don’t mean to be THAT guy. i’ve just done a lot. it’s like the one thing i have going in my life. i have no friends, no boyfriend, no kids, but i’ve lived and traveled a lot of places and done a lot.

idk. my depression is popping up. the semester is over, so it’s summer break. it’s a weird transition time. plus, i’m working from home so i’m just going to crossfit and that’s it. i’m not getting dressed in nice clothes or fixing my hair or putting on makeup. so i hate looking in the mirror right now. yes, i know i can do those things to make myself feel pretty even though i’m just sitting on the couch, but i’m just busy and don’t want to spend an horu of my day curling my hair when i could be, idk, reading or writing or watching a movie.

and i’m behind on my dissertation again. if you’ve been following me for awhile, you know i’ve talked about the dickbag dissertation director i have. which reacts very negatively with my anxiety and depression. i’ve got 4.5/5 chapters 1st drafts written. i have comments to revise on them. i want to revise, but i just have to START. but i’ve convinced myself (with zero support from the dissertation direct) that i suck and shouldn’t even be getting this fuckign phd. i know he doesn’t think i’ll finish bc of my life and mental problems, and i KNOW i can finish and prove that asshole wrong. it’s just...probably the hardest thing i’ve ever done. if i would have known it would have been like this, i either wouldn’t have gotten one or chosen a speciality i liked less just to work with someone who believed in me.

and i have the worst case of writer’s block i’ve had in ages. like i just stare at word. it’s been like that since like january. i just want to WRITE. i have so many ideas bouncing around in my head and i’m getting depressed bc i CAN’T write like i’ve broken something inside me.

this is all so stupid. it’s just a bad bad night. i’ve been having mild anxiety attacks for like 3-4 weeks, like low level anxiety and trouble breathing like there’s a band around my waist making it hard to get in oxygen. and tonight i just...idk...i don’t want to sleep bc i want to cry but i’m fucking exhausted. my sister had minor outpatient surgery last week that took a toll on her, and she’s been sick for like 4-5 mths, and i’ve been trying to take care of her, our new dog, the house, and my 2 jobs. and my disseration. and i did this research project in my research-based comp class this semester, which was really cool, bc i’m trying to bulk up the teaching/pedagogy part of my cv (bc i hopefully will be on the job market in the next year or so). and that took a lot of time, but i got accepted to 2 teaching conferences speaking about it, so yayes for that. and i’ve been keeping up with crossfit, but my diet has been kinda wonky, so FOOD GUILT and stress eating. and my parents were here helping me with my sister for like a week, which was great, except being with my parents is like a THING and the most exhausting thing ever. we just argue the whole time and they hate being at our hosue bc we do things differently than they do, and my mom kept making all these comments about how i haven’t taken good enough care of my sister for the past 4-5 mths that she’s been sick, and like they buy all this food and stuff to bring with them bc what we have isn’t good enough, or it’s snide comments like “well, they don’t eat BREAD...why don’t you use butter? i brought my own meat bc we don’t EAT that stuff...we don’t eat *insert bad food followed by eating different bad foods but getting mad when i point out the hypocrisy*” etc etc. and my mom has an eating disorder/body image problems (runs in the family, surprise surprise) which kinda floats over into me and things she says to me, and she constantly makes snide comments about me doing crossift, and like i love my mom, but omg i just want to be like WHY CAN’T THINGS BE GOOD WHEN YOU’RE HERE?? and that upsets me bc it’s like oil and water and i feel guilty.

it’s just been stressful this year already. we’ve had a lot going on. i just need a break. but idek what i’d do with a break bc i can’t relax. and i can’t write bc of the writer’s block,w hich stresses me out, and when i’m watching tv, i feel like i should be writing or dissertating or working, so i’m just constantly in knots.

anyway. this is just a verbal vomit post to see if i could feel better and dissipate some of these anxiety/depression feelings and get to bed.

#personal

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