#idk i was in a fabriz mood

[bi-naesala]

It feels good, being back together. Has been a while.

They’ve finally found a free day for everyone - they all have a pretty busy schedule after all - and they’ve decided to spend it on a picnic. They might be older now, but chaos will surely ensue one way or another, not that it matters however: as long as they’re back together, nothing can go wrong, even when things actually go wrong but shut up, that’s not the point.

Maybe they shouldn’t have gotten this much alcohol, but who cares. They’re adults now they can do what they want.

Who can even stop them?

  All things considered, it’s going pretty chill. It could be much worse, but for now they’ve just started a completely accidental fire that they luckily managed to pull out immediately, so everything’s in the norm.

Some people are more hammered than others. Personally, Riz is trying to stay away from the alcohol as much as he can - it never bodes well when he drinks.

He’s still enjoying himself, basking in the company of his friends. He can’t deny that he misses highschool - even the shitty parts of it - because at the time they were always together. Now some people are at college, others on tour, and others who knows where, adventuring…

 Speaking of adventuring, Fabian looks like he’s about to say something. He hasn’t talked much until now, which is weird because c’mon, it’s Fabian, so this has to mean that there’s some kind of announcement he had to make.

To confirm Riz’s hypothesis, soon Fabian suddenly stands up from the circle they had formed.

“Ok guys, listen up!” he exclaims.

Of course, if anything, the chaos doubles because now they are asking him what he wants to say and make theories between each other. Riz believes he even hears his own name being said, but he pays it no mind; the days of hoping that one day Fabian was going to theatrically confess his love for him in front of an acclaiming crowd - yes, he might’ve spent too much time and energy on this fantasy - are long gone. He gave up hope already.

Besides, if that was something important, he would’ve said it already via crystal, not now that they’re all different forms of plastered. It’s surely going to be some nonsensical bullshit.

“I didn’t want to tell you before ‘cause I felt I should’ve done it face to face ‘cause it’s important.”

… And of course Fabian has to prove him wrong immediately.

 This time everyone falls quiet, curious as to what Fabian has to say. Riz himself can’t deny a certain trepidation - he’s always felt like that when Fabian’s speaking.

Fabian clears his throat, clearly taking his time.

“C’mon! What is it?” Kristen shouts. Yes, Fabian should get a move on.

“Ok, ok, I’ll tell you…”

 “I’m bi!”

 Silence. Complete silence.

Then, all of a sudden, all their voices erupt, cheering and whistling and asking Fabian when he figured it out, where he figured it out, how he figured it out…

Riz hears none of this. He’s staring at Fabian, eyes wide and mouth agape.

He’s… he’s bi. Fabian has just said he’s bi.

 He can’t help but to remember all the years he spent yearning, hopelessly pining for someone he thought was never going to reciprocate, keeping everything inside out of fear that revealing it would only ruin everything… and now it turns out Fabian’s bi.

 He just… He can’t stay here anymore.

His mind is overwhelmed by thoughts and information. If he remains there he’s going to explode.

He doesn’t say anything as he gets up, bolting away. Where? He doesn’t even know; as long as he’s far enough it’s fine.

  If the others notice his absence, they don’t seem to do anything about it, at least to Riz’s knowledge, though he has to admit that he’s barely paying any attention to his surroundings, not with the mess of emotions that’s exploding in his head. His ears ring and he feels like shit.

It’s not even about the revelation per se, more like--

 “The Ball! Riz!”

Riz turns around and he sees Fabian jogging towards him.

He plants his feet on the ground, resisting the urge to flee. Even if Fabian’s company will definitely make processing all that has happened harder, he can’t just begin to ignore him.

He lets him catch up.

 “Hey, you alright?”

“Me? Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” Riz nods, quite unconvincingly however.

“You sure?” Fabian asks in fact, “You don’t look fine.”

Before Riz can have a chance to explain himself - or more likely, tell another lie - Fabian speaks again.

“Is this about what I said?”

“What? No!” Riz lies, “I’m good, really, just a bit tired…”

“Bullshit, Riz!” Fabian exclaims. He’s beginning to lose it. “You think I’m so stupid I wouldn’t see it?”

As silence grows heavy between them, Fabian’s rage completely deflates. Now he just looks sad.

“I thought you would’ve accepted me…”

Oh. So this  is what Fabian’s upset about! He has no idea how wrong he is! Riz has to do something about it.

“Of course I accept you!” he says. He wants to face  Fabian as he speaks, but he doesn’t have the strength to do so and he actually closes in himself more by crossing his arm to his chest and making himself smaller. He’s so nervous that he chuckles. “It’s dumb, actually…”

Seeing that there’s no way Riz is going to look at him Fabian simply walks around him until they’re face to face again. Now he looks curious, and Riz can’t help but to go on, even though he feels like he’s bursting inside.

“It’s just that… I had this crush on you for such a long time,” he mutters quietly, almost afraid that Fabian’s going to hear him, “But I never said anything because you were straight and I didn’t want to ruin everything. A-And now it turns out you’re not even actually straight…”

Silence. Fabian doesn’t say anything.

“See? I told you it was dumb--”

 Before he can even finish that sentence Fabian’s onto him, mouth pressed against his. It’s immediately clear from the way he presses his tongue to part Riz’s lips that this isn’t just a way to shut him up.

Oh. That’s what it is, then: they both are incredible fools.

In a moment, everything is clear. It feels like living in a book, one of those stories where the characters get their much desired epiphany at the end of their journey, where all the small bits and pieces and moments come together, where everything finally makes sense.

This isn’t the end of their journey, far from it actually. Well, at least Riz hopes so, because it would be absolutely sad if that wasn’t the case.

Riz can’t even tell how he’s feeling in all this; it still seems too good, too surreal. If he suddenly wakes up and discovers that this is all a dream, he wouldn’t be surprised.

It’s not a dream, however: Fabian is truly kissing him like he’s fantasized so much when he was but a teen. Man, if only he could travel in time and tell his younger self what’s waiting for him, he’s sure he wouldn’t believe it not even if the news comes from himself.

 When they pull away, they’re both breathless. This has been intense for both of them.

Who’s going to be the one breaking the silence, now? Apparently, it’s Fabian.

“Sorry if it took me long so figure it out,” he says, smiling apologetically to Riz, who shakes his head.

“It’s fine. You took the time you needed,” he replies, meaning every word of it.

If on one hand it would’ve been nice if he had actually figured it out earlier, on the other he knows that this is a journey that can’t be made with haste.

Despite how much he’s suffered because of this, he can’t say that he regrets it now. No, he thinks when Fabian smiles at him and when he closes the distance between them again, it was completely worth it.