#idk i liked this piece a lot i wrote it for a uni class

[incorrect-koh-posts]

Your knowledge of medieval stuff is really impressive! You said in the tags of that ask you answered that you majored in literature? I would love to hear more about your passion for medieval literature and just medieval times in general. Did it start with Kingdom of Heaven or were you interested in it long before watching the film?

Ahh, I'm glad you think so, thank you! ☺️

I did my BA with a major in German literature and linguistics and a minor in English lit. For my MA (which I'm almost finished with save for my thesis defence), I switched to English full-time. My interest in medieval literature is really something that came with my studies - I've always had a general interest in history and read lots of historical fiction while in school, but I'd had basically no exposure to medieval texts (or the knowledge to engage somewhat meaningfully with them) until I had to take my first compulsory "Introduction to Medieval Literature" class at uni. From then on, I just kind of fell in love with the subject. We had a great prof - a really cool older lady who gave the most engaging lectures and with whom I later took seminars on topics like the medieval idea of monsters or animal depictions in chivalric romance.

Within all things medieval, the area that perhaps fascinates me the most is medievalism studies, which is a sort of sub-discipline of medieval studies that investigates, broadly speaking, the reception and depiction of the Middle Ages as well as medieval texts and topics in post-medieval media. Idk why it had to be that field in particular, but there's just something so beautiful in finding parallels and continuities between our world and the medieval one, especially since misconceptions about the Middle Ages are still so prevalent. Unsurprisingly, I wrote both of my dissertations on such medieval/modern overlaps: In my BA thesis I looked into the portrayal and function of mentor-mentee relationships in medieval literature and modern adolescent fiction (lots of commonalities there, interestingly enough!), whereas in my MA diss I focused on the construction of dystopian scenarios in recent British Arthurian fiction and how these respond not only to the older Arthurian material but also to present-day environmental and political anxieties. (Sounds a bit complicated but it makes sense, I promise.)

Perhaps this is why KoH has had such a chokehold on me these past 4 years. It's such a flawed piece of media that it makes me want to dig my teeth into it, in an academic as well as a fic-writing sense. There are so many moments in it that could be right out of a chivalric romance, yet also so many others where the film blows its pretence to historicity to all hell; there are so many interesting characters who only scratch at the surface of the historical figures behind them, and simply so much wasted potential. It's just ... ahhh.

The funny thing is that my growing interest in medieval literature kind of coincided with me discovering KoH, which in turn made me dig even deeper into the research side of things (a vicious circle lol). I think I wrote another post on this about a year ago, but me discovering - or rather re-discovering - Kingdom of Heaven was basically the result of the following chain reaction: I somehow stumbled upon an old novel covering the same events as KoH (Graham Shelby's The Knights of Dark Renown) > something in that book's depiction of Raymond of Tripoli scratched my brain in the right place > I investigated further and found KoH > I saw that skrunkly Mr Irons was part of the cast and decided I had to watch it immediately. In such matters I'm a simple girl - nothing will incite me to watch a film more than an old history man being hot 😂

And then half-way through the film I remembered I'd actually seen it before - with my former best friend during the early years of secondary school when she was obsessed (and by that I mean obsessed) with Orlando Bloom and made me watch literally every film with him that she could get her hands on. Which was a good thing only insofar as it made me discover Lord of the Rings. Though in hindsight it's very funny because she clearly intended for me to join her in her Orlando insanity, whereas confused 11-year-old me instead stared at Aragorn and Tiberias like this: 😳. Yes, I've always had impeccable taste, obviously.

And thus, in the spring of the year of our Lord 2020, I entered my KoH era, and so far the brainrot is still thriving.

I do wonder, though, how many people in the fandom have a similar background? The handful of people that I know or have interacted with seem to skew that way, with mostly history- or literature-related fields of study, but I wonder how representative they are of the overall fandom 🤔

In any case, thank you for the fun ask that did not flatter me at all!

[picnokinesis]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Got tagged by the fantastic @wykart ahh thank you for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

32, most of which are Doctor Who!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

859,228!! (but it's gonna keep climbing until I finish posting part 6 of campervan sksk)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Pretty much just Doctor Who right now, but I have posted fics for Stargate Universe, Marvel and The Greatest Showman. And then I have written for other fandoms - most notably Venom, which I never posted anything for but I did get 40k into a multichapter one time.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In this order: Liminality, Tropospheric Disturbance, campervan part 1, watchfires and Renegades in the Ring (my TGS fic that I never finished, rip in pieces)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try and respond to comments!! Mostly because I love talking about my fics and also don't know when to shut up hahaha - but I also have some absolutely fantastic commenters who have such interesting things to say! And also like, idk I really appreciate people taking the time to comment, so I reckon it's polite to say thank you at least. The only time I don't reply to comments, mostly, is if it's a REALLY long comment and I just don't have the energy rip (but when that happens I definitely read and cherish the comment dearly haha)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. MOST OF THEM RIP. I'm genuinely not sure because I always try and end my fics on a vaguely uplifting note. Maybe Campervan Part 4, simply because of all the uni-era angst? But tbh the ending of Part 6 is definitely a contender, now I think about it. Canon-fic wise, though.......hmm I think it's got to be notches in your spine, since that ends with the Doctor just straight up leaving the Master without warning sksksk

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hm. I think I'm gonna go with In the Wind for this one, which is hilarious since I wrote it THREE YEARS AGO, but it's a multi-chapter mid-series adventure that rounds itself off in a satisfying way, with everything being resolved nicely, so I think that's a decent contender!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Hm, no, other than people complaining about the show in an attempt to compliment my writing, but that's stopped for the most part since I got annoyed about it in my author's notes one time ksksks. I did get a weird comment recently that started out very complimentary but then turned really weird in a pretty upsetting way (and, frankly, it would have been very triggering if that sort of topic had been something that was something that affected me a lot? Luckily it wasn't, but the commenter did NOT know that). So I just deleted the comment because I didn't want that sort of thing in my comment section, especially when I know other readers comment lurk.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No I'm sex-repulsed lol

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I wrote a crossover that was The Greatest Showman crossed with the X-Men Comics one time SKSKSKSKSK (and it was specifically the comics not the films, I did so much research on historical terminology for mutants HAHA) which was actually SO much fun - I never finished it, but I do think back on it very fondly. But I'd class that as more of an 'x-men au' rather than a crossover tbh, bc it was wholly focused on the TGS characters.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't believe so

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! We never finished it LOL

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Currently spydoc, but this will probably change. I have a MASSIVE soft spot for rush/young from sgu, clintasha from the MCU, newt/hermann from PacRim, and symbrock from Venom.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Hmmmm there's a bunch, but probably The Grandfather Paradox? I genuinely love that one so much. But who knows, maybe one day. I feel like it would make a great pitch for a Big Finish audio sksk. Oh, and Deathless will probably never happen. I'm not going to put Trestle on this list because I am SO DETERMINED to finish it some day HAHAH. Oh - and I don't think I'll ever finished Trouble With Entropy, which was my unfinished Venom fic, or Renegades (aforementioned TGS fic) even though I love them a lot, it's just....very unlikely at this point rip.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Going off what other people have said to me, I'm good at creative immersive worlds! Which is mostly because I really want my stories to feel 'lived in', so to speak, and broader than what you actually see in the immediate plot. I think I'm also pretty good at pacing, and also writing narrative prose with a character voice! The latter one I definitely pushed myself with when writing part 6 of campervan, as well as my recent doctormaster oneshot, where I had to weave together both the doctor AND the master's characterisation into one seamless pov

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I definitely worry too much about making sure the reader DEFINITELY gets what I'm trying to say, and so sometimes I'm repetitive and I hammer things home a bit that can be more subtle. I also think that sometimes I can be a bit repetitive in my longer fics where I know a gap needs to be filled but I'm not sure with what sksksks. There are other things too. I definitely struggle writing shorter things and getting to the point and TRUSTING that the reader will come with me. I often feel this urge to make sure all the steps are there for the reader to follow where I want them to go.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Oooh so I actually did this in campervan part 5 with Gabriela and Jamila speaking a bit of Portuguese! And I think there's like, obviously nuance to it, but when I had the pov characters who understood portuguese (namely Jamila in the prologue), I had the dialogue in portuguese, but the translation in the prose, either literally just next to the dialogue or explained in the narration by Jamila. But then in later chapters, when Yaz is trying to talk to Gabriela, because Gabriela is upset she's occasionally saying things in Portuguese....but Yaz doesn't understand them. So they don't get translated. And so I think that works for the story in that context, bc what Gabriela actually SAYS is less important and it's more showing the emotion of it. Another case I can think of was in Force Over Distance by cleanwhiteroom who wrote a LOT of ancient into the fic (which is basically latin) and when it was on ao3 there was this sort of 'hover to translate' thing which worked REALLY WELL, bc the translation was there but it didn't disrupt the flow of the fic.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Okay so I wanna know what counts here - if it's like, the first fic i POSTED, then that's Marvel (specifically the Avengers). If it's the first fic I wrote when I actually understood what 'fandom' was, then...I think that was also Avengers....or maybe BBC Sherlock. If it's the first thing I actually WROTE DOWN properly, then it was Doctor Who (specifically Ten and Rose and my oc companion sksk). If it was the first thing I played with creatively for media that wasn't my own...then that was probably me coming up with elaborate ocs out of two unicorns on the credits for the My Little Pony vhs tape we had SKSKSKSK SO. I don't know. One or all of those.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Oh this is hard because I'm proud of a lot of what I've written. My gut reaction at the moment is actually Trestle, even though it's unfinished and no one has read it HAHAH but I'm just so proud of some of the writing in that so far. And I'm extremely proud of Campervan AU as a whole entity. However I do really really love see me bare my teeth for you - which I actually forget about a LOT because it's not one of my thoschei fics sksksk. But I'm super proud of how that one turned out. And then also and they did live by watchfires because that one just has such a special place in my heart.

THANKS FOR THE TAG LIV!!! I'm gonna tag hmmmmmmm @sunshinedaysforever @taardisblue @novantinuum @emptyofdust @strikingtwelves @walker-lister aaaaah basically anyone else that wants to do this! :D

[tasteleeknow]

is there a fic or something you’ve written that YOU believe is your best work yet like the best piece you feel like you’ve ever written but it didn’t get as much attention as you anticipated? and is there a post that you didn’t try as much on but the amount of attention it got still shocks you ?? 😅😅

I don’t write fics but I know I get sooo mad when in school i have to write papers & the papers I don’t try very hard on & write in a few hours do WAYY better than the papers I take hours or even days writing 🙄🙄🙄. Just recently I got an A+ on my final report that I did an hour before it was due while another paper that I wrote for a different class & actually tried on (spent DAYYSSSS writing) I received a D- 😭.

Sorry for the little rant but I’m genuinely curious LOL

the amount of work and time i put into writing has ZERO impact on how 'well' it does lmao for sure. hello stranger is my first series and i have a document of thousands of words with tables all full of character building and planning and it's... so much work. the chapters get like 500 notes maybe compared to one shots which usually get between 1 to 4k. i don't actually mind though bc i get way more feedback on the series. like ppl put essays in their reblogs and send me messages and all that. i care more about that than the notes, especially because the majority of notes are likes.

i actually tend to find the things that don't get flooded with likes have more ppl who will message me personally and be really passionate about it. i wrote a fairy!au that didn't do as well as most of my other minho one shots but i had ppl making moodboards for it and edits and all of that. which again, i appreciate more than likes.

koala still has the most notes and its one of the first things i wrote so i KNOW the quality of the writing is worse. also when i posted it i was convinced ppl would hate it like i was ready to hit delete. after that did so well i've just been like no fear tbh like how i feel about something seems to say nothing abt how others will feel. i just post and vibe.

i really don't think there has been anything i've posted where i was disappointed in the amount of attention it got. maybe aftercare with minho ?? it's a drabble but it had a label put on it literally 2 minutes after i posted it so it got very little exposure. i really am just grateful in general like my writing gets a lot more eyes on it than i ever would have expected so i really feel like i have nothing to complain about. i do just wish more of the eyes were... active rather than ya know silent/passive.

lmao in school i literally did everything at the very last second. i had a very severe undiagnosed case of adhd and was really just coasting the entire time. i remember having to convince teachers id hand something in and then just keep stalling until they actually just gave up or forgot about it. then there was like ONE TIME for some reason i really clicked with the content, it was a maths assignment and it was satisfying to my brain, so i spent a week on it and ended up helping a bunch of my class with it at the public library on the weekend and i got the highest mark possible and then never did it again. no lessons learned just 'well thats nice moving on'. but in uni when i was forced to actually do the work the assignments where i started earlier and tried harder did meh and the ones i didn't at all did well. so yeah, i get it. D- on something you'd worked so hard on..... i'd lose it hfjdsk i remember once handing something in that i'd worked harder on than anything else in my entire uni life and i barely passed and i was like yeah never trying again. and i didn't. and everything was fine. what's the lesson?? idk trying is overrated just vibe gfhdjs

sorry for MY rant hjds

[amirtamino]

green grass grows

i am full of an odd regret

as though all the decisions i have made are in stone

like the sword in childhood stories

my movements are stuck in time with no hero in sight to release

it’s kind of a homesickness

that same deep feeling

some conjured pit

absorbing memories and channeling them right back

in a shade of blue melancholy

the word that’s always reminded me of cough drops

and hard candies

and what is it that i am missing? what is this longing?

a norm? my past? that twisted sense of loss only after loss?

because, of course, your grass is never green enough

especially after a slip

or a confrontation

the following of hidden role models

endless blame with no source

and so i always want to cry

and so i always feel hot with incompetence

i cannot trust my future self — or so I feel —

to carry on my past self’s desires

which is quite alright, until the newer future self catches up

with its original plan. i never know what i want

never fully anyways

i’m always hungry for something

but i try and quench the growl with gratitude

that’s what my mother told me

but I don’t wish for that lifestyle

at least not in full

i find it rather robotic

and now we’re back to the melancholy

the caramels in golden wrapping

in my grandmother's crystal bowl

how classic

above my grandfather's collection of historic literature

whose contents can be devoured no longer by his eyes, words too small

my grandmother’s hands don’t work

so now the oven is used to store bowls instead of bake garlic naan

i know such sweet creatures are a mirror into an ultimate future form of myself

and it won’t matter which second i did or said what

and periods of longing and grief will seem like specks

reflections in my rearview mirror already light-years away

the guilt only follows such realizations

and now my stomach is eating itself

or perhaps i merely feel my stomach in my throat

regardless i am uncomfortable

in search of direction

or at least a feeling of “okay, i am okay”

[bonesandthebees]

Shroom anon back to interrogate again >:3 if you don’t want to answer any of the questions feel free to skip them <3

A) do you watch double life smp? If so who’s pov do you watch and who do you think will win?

B) have you ever had someone ghost you irl because you watch mcyt/write fanfic?

C) if you could interview any c!dsmp member who would it be and what would the first question you’d ask be?

D) what made you start to kin c!tommy?

E) who’s your favorite content creator? Doesn’t have to be an mcyt!

Hehe ty for putting up with my nosey questions ^^

-🍄

hi shroom anon!! i love your questions they're very fun to answer!

a) yes I do watch double life! i'm keeping up with scar's POV, but I do hop around between other POV's to see funny moments i hear about on tumblr (like I've skimmed through bdubs' stuff a bit and some of scott and pearl's as well). now as for who I think will win?? I'm really not sure, but tbh I could see martyn and cleo actually getting far?? idk why i just feel like they have a pretty solid shot. either them or impulse and bdubs. i'd love for the perfect soulmate couple living out their domestic bliss dreams to be the final two at the end

b) I'm extremely careful with who I tell irl about the fact that i write mcyt fanfic. technically, there's 6 people who know, but 2 of them i met online bc of my fics first and only later figured out we went to the same uni (yes, that happened twice), 1 reader approached me irl bc we were in a creative writing class together and they recognized my worldbuilding bc i used the same concept of someone else's dream but with original characters for a workshop piece lmao, and 1 person i figured out was into mcyt while we were chatting and I gave her my twitter so she knows but we haven't hung out much since that one day. so the 2 left are the only people i've told on my own, one of them being a really close friend of mine who already knew i wrote fanfic, and she definitely teases me that i got 'fandom famous' for writing minecraft fic, but she's not mean about it. the other person is a guy i was kind of dating for a bit who is literally the chillest and nicest human being i think i've ever met, i never intended on telling him but he's just so genuinely non-judgemental about other peoples interests so I told him and he thought it was very cool. so no I've never had anyone ghost me bc I only tell people who I know aren't going to care lmao

c) oh man that's a tough question hm... this is gonna sound weird since i'm a c!wilbur main but i think i'd interview c!techno?? pretty much just to be like "sir are you aware you're not really an anarchist" and also just call him out on some of the shit he's done lol (don't get me wrong, I really enjoy c!techno as a character and a lot of what he's done is justified, but I definitely have so many questions for him about his thought process for certain things he's done)

d) i don't kin characters tbh?? and I definitely don't kin c!tommy lol. nothing against it, but I'm just very strange in that I really don't see myself in a lot of fictional characters. I can project onto them, but that doesn't necessarily mean I heavily relate to them or anything

e) well my favorite content creator is pretty obviously wilbur soot, but if we're not talking mcyt then it would definitely be mina le. she's a video essayist on youtube who i absolutely adore. she talks about things like fashion history, the subcultures of fashion, and also discusses pop culture a lot in really interesting ways. I've watched pretty much every single video on her youtube channel and I get so hyped every time she uploads

[dinosaurtsukki]

[ flu season in E minor ]

pairing: fyodor dostoevsky x gn!reader

word count: 2.2k words

contains: uni!au, sigma and nikolai as your bff’s, gn!reader, music student!fyodor, fyodor being a bit of a brat while he’s sick, slight pining/crushing, idk just fluffy shit

summary: you and fyodor are both in the university theater club but you rarely ever see him except for when you’re picking up the musical compositions he makes for the play. this time, however, you come over to his apartment to find him sick with the flu

a/n: uhhh this is kind of a trainwreck cause i was literally just ‘omg uni!au fyodor sickfic’ and then went with it :P

“don’t forget to drink your vitamin c guys! flu season is already here and if you’re down with the flu please don’t come in and spread your germs everywhere,” sigma instructed at the ending of the cast meeting. even though he sounded snappy while saying it, you could tell he meant well. two of your actors in the theatre club had already come down with the flu and with showtime coming up soon, everyone was understandably extra careful.

“y/n, one last thing,” sigma called you over as everyone prepared to leave.

“in case you were going to ask, yes, i took my vitamins already,” you teased skipping over to where he was.

“not funny,” sigma rolled his eyes. “i was wondering if you could follow up with fyodor on the music for the next scene? he doesn’t respond at all to any non-physical communication, i already left him ten messages.” 

“ooh, another visit to the phantom of the opera’s apartment,” nikolai popped up right at your shoulder.

“seriously? you guys call him that?” sigma raised a disappointed eyebrow at you two.

“well he’s mysterious and makes music in a theatre.” 

“i feel like you should actually watch phantom of the opera before making that claim,” you told him. “also sure,” you shrugged nonchalantly to hide your obvious excitement. “i have time to drop by.” 

even though he’s a part of the theatre club, fyodor dostoevsky was pretty much an enigma to the rest of the members. his contributions to the club activities were mainly in the form of the musical compositions he created for the plays. however, because he was always busy practicing for upcoming recitals apart from his music classes, fyodor rarely ever attended rehearsals. 

but on the off-chance that he did drop by in a rehearsal to discuss with sigma or attend a cast meeting, you’d spend the entire time just... admiring him. everything from the calm and articulate way he spoke to messy way his hair framed his face. and on that day when fyodor decided to demonstrate the music by playing it himself on his cello, you realized you were head over heels for this man.

and so you, practically jumped at every chance you got to pick up sheet music or recordings from fyodor’s apartment. you already set the expectation that you wouldn’t be around for long. and you were right about that... usually.

...

“fyodor? hello?” you knocked on the door for what was probably the fifth time already. it was freezing cold outside and you were desperate to get in. pressing your ear against the door, you heard a weak voice say ‘come in. door’s open’ and then tentatively, you unlocked the door.

whenever you saw fyodor, he was always wearing a clean, button-up shirt and slacks since he was also at orchestra practice. so of course, it was a complete shock to you to come into his apartment to find fyodor dressed in bright red pajamas with a mickey mouse logo on the center of his shirt with a colorful patchwork quilt thrown across his shoulders. not to mention, he was seated in his couch with sheet music and tissues strewn around him. 

upon closer look, you could tell from his sunken eyes and slightly red nose that flu season had struck fyodor. 

“oh, y/n, it’s you,” he sniffled as you hesitated near the door. “come in. it’s cold out.” 

“are you alright?” you asked, approaching fyodor. because you had gotten the flu a bit earlier that month, you weren’t too concerned about catching it again. “you look, well, sick.” 

“just a cold,” fyodor waved his hand. “anyway, did sigma send you for something?” 

“he’s asking for a follow-up with the music for the new scene,” you remembered. 

“oh, that...”  fyodor nodded, frowning as he searched the sheet music scattered around him. “i’m sure it’s around here somewhere and... i forgot to do it.” fyodor sighed at the realization. “don’t worry. i’ll just whip something up real quick,” he sniffed before picking up a blank piece of sheet music.

“well you don’t have to right now. fyodor, you’re sick. you should get some rest before working,” you sat down on the couch as fyodor bent over the coffee table with a pencil ready. “i mean, no offense but i doubt you can come up with anything in your current state.”

“nonsense, y/n,” fyodor scoffed and began to scribble something on the page. “i am a trained classical musician. composing is merely second-nature to someone like myself. why, i’m sure i have a melody coming along right--” 

“fyodor.” 

“yes?”

“you just wrote the letter g on the corner of the page and then started drawing random squiggles.” 

fyodor looked down at his squiggled-over sheet music with a completely deadpan expression and stared at it for a good ten seconds. “i thought it was a g-clef,” he whispered to himself.

“do you... want me to help you to your room?” you asked softly. fyodor sniffed.

“yes please.”

...

when you headed out to his apartment earlier that morning, you didn’t expect to be taking care of a sick fyodor for the rest of the afternoon. for someone who always looked put-together and composed, fyodor was terrible at taking care of himself. even after coming down with the flu a few days ago, he still insisted on practicing the cello in his apartment. and, judging by the empty cans in the sink, you could tell that all he was eating was instant soup.

and, sick fyodor was kind of... whiny. it took a lot of convincing on your part for him to agree not to work on the compositions in bed, or practice his bowing. he complained about his pillows ‘not being plump enough’ and that his socks didn’t match (because he didn’t do the laundry). 

“i don’t think i’ll even be able to sleep at this rate, y/n. my head is spinning but i’m not nearly tired enough to sleep. maybe i’ll drift off for just a bit but it won’t be that restful,” fyodor said, laying down on his not-plump pillows before he was out like a light five minutes after.

“drift off for just a bit, huh?” you chuckle slightly to yourself as you watch him. fyodor was curled up on his side, hugging one of the pillows with his blanket wrapped tightly around him. 

you were definitely in a strange situation being in your crush’s house while he was sick in bed. there wasn’t really a need for you to stay; you could just leave some medicine on the nightstand and a note with instructions.

“mmm... key needs to be in e minor,” fyodor mumbled in his sleep before turning over on his side. you bit back a laugh for fear of waking him up. 

‘what the heck? i’ll stay and make him some actual soup,’  you ultimately decided.

...

fyodor woke up to the smell of something delicious cooking, and that was something he rarely woke up to. aside from the fact that he could actually smell out of his currently unclogged nose, fyodor felt much better than he had been in a while. 

‘y/n must still be here,’ was his next thought after waking up. and he must admit, that was very reassuring to know. fyodor didn’t have the best constitution and whenever flu season rolled around, he expected being sick for a length of time. 

after wrapping the blanket around himself, fyodor curiously crept into the kitchen to find you standing over at the stove, stirring something in a pot while humming to yourself. there was a bag of groceries on the counter too. ‘did they... buy me food?’ 

he coughed slightly to get your attention.

“oh, fyodor. you’re up,” you turned around, smiling at him. “how are you feeling?”

“a bit... better,” he confessed, fully aware that he said all those things about not being asleep before embarrassingly falling asleep for two hours. 

“great! soup’s going to be ready in a few minutes. if you freeze it you’ll have enough for a few days,” you added. “also bought some oranges. they should be good for you.” 

“you... don’t really have to do this you know?” fyodor ended up blurting out, except it sounded a bit harsh. “i mean, i’m sure you went through all the trouble.” 

“don’t worry about it,” you waved him off. “you’ve been working really hard so i get that you don’t think of yourself much. let me do this one thing for you as a friend,” you smiled.

“also, i’m genuinely concerned at the amount of canned soup you’ve been consuming.” 

“canned soup isn’t that bad for you,” fyodor insisted. 

“yeah, and i’m sure you enjoy that metallic aftertaste quite a lot,” you quipped. fyodor opened his mouth to retort something before closing it abruptly. the knowing smirk on your face only made him glance away. instead, he busied himself with retrieving the clean bowls, luckily there were two left, from the dishrack and setting them on the table. you were humming again while you turned off the stove before serving the soup.

“chicken noodle soup, huh?” fyodor couldn’t help but chuckle.

“a classic,” you shrugged with a smile. “it’s a secret family recipe too so it’s bound to get you to feel better.” 

“you’re making it up, aren’t you?” 

“yeah, i got it off the internet,” you giggled. fyodor chuckled and took a sip of the soup. it was deliciously hot and flavorful and best of all, the soup didn’t have a metallic aftertaste.

“after eating, you can take some of medicine that i bought in case you have a headache or body pain, as long as you didn’t take any four hours before.”

“what?” fyodor blinked at you.

“you know, don’t take the medicine within four hours of each other,” you explained slowly. “also it’s better that you drink some now that you’ve eaten.” 

fyodor not-so vaguely recalled all those times he drank medicine on an empty stomach and feeling even more sick after. “i... was not aware of that,” he admitted. you sighed with your eyes closed.

“i’m amazed you’re still alive.” 

...

“so, flu season struck the phantom of the opera, huh?” nikolai sighed after you told him about your weekend.

“yeah,” you nodded, remembering the sight of fyodor on the couch dressed in his pajamas with a blanket wrapped around him. that was going to be burned in your mind for a long time. “he’s... kind of terrible at taking care of himself.” 

“that’s fyodor for you,” sigma added. the three of you had arrived at the backstage area of the theatre early and were busying yourselves with sorting through the various props that you had. “you know, one time he even went to a recital with a 39-degree fever. practically collapsed when he was off-stage.”

“i’ll one-up that story,” nikolai practically sprang off the box he was sitting on. “okay, so there was this one time i came over to fyodor’s’apartment while he was sick and he was so delirious he--”

“you guys do know that it’s rude to talk about people when they’re not there.”

the three of you practically spun around at the same time to find fyodor leaning against the doorframe of the backstage entrance with his arms crossed. he was looking way better than last time you saw him.

“fyodor,” sigma blinked, clearly stunned. “you’re... you’re here.”

“you’re alive!” nikolai cried dramatically, skipping over to fyodor and flinging his arms around fyodor who showed obvious discomfort. 

“of course i am,” he scoffed. “thanks in part to y/n.”

hearing that made your face flush a bit. “i-it was nothing,” you stammered, dodging nikolai’s curious stare. 

“anyway, i finished the compositions for the next scene,” fyodor strode forward, handing sigma a folder of sheet music and a flash drive. “let me know if it’s to your liking.”

“thank you. i’ve been having director’s block with that one. this should help,” sigma sighed gratefully. “i’ll give it a listen if you don’t mind.” and before you could say anything else, he scurried out to the stage area.

“and i’m going to leave for some arbitrary reason just so you two would have some alone time,” nikolai snickered at the indignant expression on your face before leaving you and fyodor alone backstage.

“oh, nikolai. always... funny,” you laughed nervously. 

“indeed,” fyodor nodded. “i only have the vaguest idea of what’s been going on during rehearsals. i should probably come around more often.”

“oh, we understand that you’re busy and all. but you’ve already been helping a lot with composing the music so don’t sweat it if you feel like you haven’t been active,” you said.

“well, that’s not the only reason i want to come around more often,” fyodor’s eyes flickered up to meet yours and you felt your face heat up again. god, it was so much easier to talk to to him and joke around when he was sick with the flu.

“in any case, i’m glad you feel better now,” you cleared your throat. “i hope the soup helped.”

“it did. i was sad to see it run out,” fyodor chuckled. and before you could even consider what it was you were going to say, you went and blurted out: 

“i could make it for you again.”

“oh?” fyodor’s eyebrows flew up and a smirk played on his lips.

“i-if you want to of course,” you stammered. 

“i’d like that,” fyodor smiled, much to your surprise. “if you could update me on rehearsals and the play we’re doing, that would be great. how does friday sound?”

“friday sounds great.”

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @waitforitillwritemywayout @atsumusdomain​​ @laure-chan @goodfoodxoxoxo ​ @guardianangelswings @ah-kaashi @amberalisa​ @whootwhoot​ @liz-multifandom-hotel​​ @kac-chowsballs​​ @violentfarewll @fyoyacanruinmylifethanks

[natastudies]

Hey. I hope you are good. I’m currently studying Law at uni and I’m really struggling with note taking. When taking your notes for Law, what do you focus on per topic? Because I don’t really have a focus but then I end up writing too many things down. I understand we need to have a general overview of the topic as well as case notes, but I feel like if I had a better understanding of the notes I need to take for each topic (e.g: Actus Reus and Mens Rea in Criminal Law). Can you help me a bit pls

Hi anon! Hope you're good as well ☺️

I'm not sure if this will help, but here's what I did with my notes. I make a lot of notes for each topic and before the exam period I'd combine & summarize them all into a piece of paper. Since the professors would usually give us an overview of what we're going to learn in the semester, I'd more or less know what to prepare before class. So:

1. I have a pre-made notes before class where I study the topic very generally to prepare for the class.

2. My notes in class can be separated into two - one for the things the professor wrote on the whiteboard/slides (I take pictures of them when allowed and turn them into notes after class) & one that are simply for the things spoken verbally. (also included the questions/prompts that the professor asked the class, from my experience those questions would sometimes appear in exams)

3. Then after class, I'd create another note of the cases or anything the professor asked us to read or learn about related to the topic we discussed (or anything they referred to in class that I didn't know or understand).

Not sure about your uni, but in my uni we didn't have like, recorded classes or anything. So to me the most important things to write down on my notes were always the words spoken by the professors, because it was a direct insight of what's in their minds, their way of thinking, etc. So I'd say prioritize that first over the rest, especially if you're allowed to take pictures of the slides/the slides would be distributed after class. (or if you're one of those unis that have the lectures recorded)

Anyways, there are definitely too many notes, and honestly I think sometimes there are just too many things/information we have to absorb that it couldn't be helped. It gets overwhelming.

Which is why for exams I'd summarize everything (or at least, the important points) into a piece of paper (most of the time it's A4. sometimes I used folio too). It absolutely cannot exceed the piece of paper, so I used tricks like acronyms, or made a ridiculous story from the keywords (Idk how to explain this lol) to summarize them. Then I'd usually have no problem memorizing and understanding everything on the paper.

Preparation notes (pre-made notes) helped me have a better understanding as well because I'd have studied the topic beforehand, so before the class started I knew what I was confused about, so I can ask questions if that particular confusion is not resolved during the class (I rarely ever do this, though).

If you're looking to have a better understanding, try having a discussion with your friends/classmates. Those are really helpful, and I've always find it so much easier to recall something I taught to someone else (or something someone else taught me/helped me with). Also, review your notes. Mark anything you don't understand and resolve them as soon as possible (preferably before the exam period); clarify if there's anything you're unsure of.

Last but not least, it's the matter of organizing your notes. I'd say separate by topic (and class) and then put it in a chronological order. Also have a copy of all the assignments you submitted, I'd usually have a whole database of the list of assignments, presentations or projects from the professors listed along with the dates. That always makes things easier at the end of the semester, before finals.

Honestly, don't worry too much over your notes. Notes are just like a database, or a point of reference. I personally think that there is nothing wrong in writing too much down (since it meant I had all the information I needed for assignments, projects or exams) - it's just the matter of understanding it, making the summarized version, having discussions and reviewing what I've learned that really helped me with my studies.

Welp, that was long. I'm not sure if this helps, but I hope it helped a little. This is simply how I did it, though, so I'm not saying that this definitely works or this is the best method. Just sharing what worked for me.

All the best for your studies, anon! 💌

Ask me anything!

[irregulardiaryposts]

23:28 11/05/2021

sooooo uhhhhh,, its chewsday innit.i have no idea what my life is anymore. like what do i even do?? i have no idea how i would describe myself to someone else and thats sort scary yk. like how am i supposed to like myself if i dont know who i am? n e way enough existentialismmmmmm ice gotten more unconditional uni offers which im dead proud of like who wouldve thought I wouldve been able to do this. if only i couldve seen myself like 4 years ago i would be shocked. i mean most of it would make sense but like i didnt even think id live this long tbh. i dont think about that enough the fact i couldnt see myself getting older and doing 'grown uo things' because i thought i would never get through the present. that sounds real sad wow. 

lets talk about something else, perhaps how i believe myself to be far too impulsive for my own good and never thinking anything through twice. like ive just tried to revamp my whole room coz i was unhappy with it. i tried to chalk it up to just wanting a better desk and suddenly ive thrown away half my furniture and my room looks empty affff. but its ok since it already looks kinda better everything's cleaner now too. 

i went into my backgarden today and i picked all the uhhh my laptop almost died on me there i realised my things at full brightness anyway yes i went and picked the uh dandelions? the yellow chucky ones and some daisies and i made some flower chains and stuff and hung them in my room even though theyre gonna die idrc becuase they still look kinda cute, i keep patching my uni prep class becuase icba going but i still need to set up student loans and shit and actually confirm my choice for uni too omfg so much work and also need to start teaching msyelf the theory sruff for my driving thingytghing 

i was just looking back at another post before i started typing this and i was talking about how i dont really espress myself all too well through my apppearance and things i can personalise to me and i feel like ive gotten a lot better at that coz i recently chucked away a lot of clothes i dont wear and my mum bought me new stuff and im dead chuffed coz im far more confident in them and theyre far more comfy too :) ive also stopped wearing bras with wires and padding in them coz fuck all that shit i no longer care if people see my nipples becuase its not worth the actual pain from and improperly fitting bra which all of them are on me ............................................  

ive been listening to some NEW music lately just from my discover weekly stuff and its been pretty fuckign spot on with the shit i wanna listen to but i wish itd let me save each week as like a diff playlist but ive just been adding my favs to my other playlists feel like ive been piecing myself together bit by bit after not having the right pieces for years. 

anyway future me or whoever listen to 'them changes' by thunder someone or other because i think im a little bit obssesed atm hehehehehhehehehesjnjndkb LJBSCLVJBs jbs c' CKJBDKjkbckj  sh. i feel a bit like a fraud tho ngl like as tho im waiting for the other shoe to drop and find out im actaully lying about being a functioning human being for longer than like 5 days in the past 3/4 years. did that make sense idk im justsaying i feel a bit fake and that next time i feel a bit d y s f u n c t i o n a l its gonna hit really fucking hard and its gonna take a lot to get over it idk maybe im just being pessimistic or smth have a tendency to do that. 

also ive completely given up with school i have less than a month left and i cannot be fucked doing any more work than is necessary to pass ie only doing the test things and pretending to know what im doing in class no studying no homework none of that bs i would rather break my toes ..  

ive wrote like 3800 characters thats like maybe 800 words isssshhh idk man considering ive wrote w shit like wbsihizjbk ziSJNlcjb alknfbv ajn jankbdv. you know , . i dont really know what im rambing about anymore nothing has realliy progressed that much do idk what to say ill come back maybe when im at uni :O beye

[userachilles]

2020 Fic Year in Review

I was tagged by the incredibly talented @martelldoran!!!!

Total number of completed stories:

8 on ao3 which is kind of astonishing especially considering uni

Total number of words:

19,482!!

Fandoms written in:

mcu (stevebucky, natsharon, sambucky)

dracula (mina/jonathan)

hemlock grove (roman/peter)

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

WAY MORE!! i dabbled in fic a couple years back but I lost inspiration and frankly I haven’t had much time but with quarantine and having to leave sweden I had a lot of emotions and I wanted to channel them into something positive!! also I read dracula and I fell in love with the characters which launched me into a creative streak!

What’s your own favourite story of the year?

that’s tough, I think my endgame fix it! I worked hard on it and used it as an outlet when classes were overwhelming. I think it really captures my love for the characters and my writing style well.  

Did you take any writing risks this year?

honestly just forcing myself to write again more regularly and putting it out in the world!

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?

I’d really like to write something over 15k

also something with more plot, I write a lot of character studies but there’s never much of a story

maybe an au??

also more natsharon

Most popular story of the year?

maybe my hozier inspired stevebucky ficlet? my hemlock grove piece was also pretty popular which is really cool! I’m really thrilled people are still out there loving the characters even after the disaster final seasons!

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

I like what ali said! I can’t control how people resonate and I wouldn’t want to. I think the book dracula is wildly unrated as is jonathan/mina so by extension my stuff written with them is too? idk

Most fun story to write?

my weird little swedish/stevebucky story, i wrote it because I was homesick and I love them and it probably doesn’t make much sense to anyone but me but it was a delight to imagine them traversing stockholm and adding little easter eggs about the city!!

Most unintentionally telling story:

that’s tough…maybe my sambucky fic? it’s unintentionally telling of my touch-starved-ness and my love for sam wilson? lol

Biggest disappointment.

um nothing I think! I guess I really just wish I could crank out tons of stories/words but I feel like I can only write in a certain mood and sometimes I’ll write things that don’t feel right and I scrap them.  

Biggest surprise.

how amazing you all have been to me!! especially with the last two fics I’ve promoted on tumblr too! Everyone is friendly and warm and the comments you folks leave on my stories makes me want to never stop creating and work even harder. I don’t think I could’ve written half of what I have without the positive reinforcement I’ve received and it’s really lovely! 

I’ll tag @its-tortle @greyhavensking @the-hoziest @sunstarsteve no pressure!! 

[elizabethsharmon]

2nd part cause I think it's important: And don't even get me started on the ab*minable br*de, like the only thing they nailed was the title, cause that shit really was abominable lmao, it just felt so patronizing?? They wanted to write a story about female empowerment (when it doesn't even pass the Bechdel test btw) but if that's really the case, then why didn't they just write a better Irene Adler adaptation?? I mean, in the original ACD story she's a feminist icon who *outsmarts* Sherlock,

Also ARE YOU KIDDING ME I LITERALLY GOT THE SAME GC RECOMMENDATION FOR CUMBERBITCHES, I cringed so much, it took me back to 2014 when my first Tumblr was exclusively a Benedict Cumberbatch stan account and I called myself a cumberbitch, dark times indeed 

But yeah I completely agree with what you said about the SA, idk how they think they can get away with not addressing it in 2020, we expect way better from our shows now, as we should.



Oof good that you had it saved cause yeah it's important, listen ngl I liked it when I watched it the first time live cause you know I was starved for any content although I was majorly confused and then I rewatched it a week later and it was ?? so bad?? When s4 was airing I had classes at uni about modern depiction of Victorian villains and we were talking a lot about Moriarty and trashing s4 and the ab*minable br*de by proxy like my prof was literally getting so riled up cause she hated what they made of the show shshhsh and just what was the point of that special. I mean I know what it was, they wanted to channel their inner sir Arthur Conan Doyle and act like they wrote a better Victorian piece than he ever could and lol no, didn't happen. I think it was their equivalent of the crackfic farm au cause they were definitely on crack writing that. And the Bechdel test... I bet the whole show doesn't pass it yikes. 

IT'S OKAY WE WERE ALL CUMBERB*TCHES ONCE, WE HAVE TO JUST ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON even though I'm lowkey eeew at us but yeah I think it was obligatory to be a cumberbitch if you wanted to be in the fandom. (also @ tumblr please stop recommending it to us, your algorithm clearly doesn't work and it's actually offensive)

Lmao David and Niels just think that it's okay to throw plots like that bc "nothing really happened" (fuck them) and yeah good for people who can turn off their brains while watching the show but I'm past the point of not using my brain cells when I consume media content and sorry but I won't settle for the bare minimum and insensitive, disrespectful shit like that ✌️

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 jae

following my uni!au with young k (idk how to link my own post asbajdnskmd im Dumb) so here another one with jae lol i think im gonna make one for each one of them buttttttt no promise bc my brain works in a very mysterious way LOL

anyway leggo

warning: this is lame lmaooooo

name: park jaehyung / jae

major: politic science

other activities: guitarist (and sometimes vocalist) of university band, member of music club, founder and leader of LOL SQUAD

everyone knows that tall skinny guitarist of the band i mean he’s hard to ignore tbh

he always wears loose T-shirt, ripped jeans, a cap that he puts backward, and round big specs to campus

professors hate his ripped jeans but can’t really say anything because oh well style doesn’t define someone’s grades and boy, does this kid actually get some braincells in him

well i mean at least he never fails his classes

he has this giant LOLSQUAD badge on his backpack because he’s proud af of his title as the club founder and leader

he actually started that club so he could to brag about his gaming skill to everyone who wanted to listen but he ends up getting his ass handed to him every single time they play together smh

if he’s not in class or hanging out with his game buddies, he can be seen following that Popular Student™ kang younghyun or as jae prefers to call him, “brian” or “brIBRI” because they both joined music club and are in the band

yes yes he’s well known and easy to spot

but…

“jae? park jaehyung?? who???”

everyone refers to him as “that foreigner student”, “the American guy” or “the gamer guy”, or my favorite: “chicken little”

i will never let that joke die im sorry but seriously he looks like chicken when he plays his guitar on the stage don’t @ me

there are only like 5 students in the whole university who know his actual name

anyways in this scenario you’ve always been interested in playing guitar but haven’t gotten a chance to learn and your friend kim wonpil invites you to join music club so you’ll have friends to practice with

“you know our jaehyungie, right? he’s really chill, you’ll get along well with him!!”

deep inside you’re like

who the heck is jaehyung

but wonpil is so excited to have you there so the next week you come to the club meeting

you introduce yourself to everyone and finally you meet him

“ohmygod the chicken little!!”

“whO THE HECK ARE YOU CALLING THAT”

“sorry- i mean the chicken guitarist- wait no-”

he glares at you, you laugh instead

scaring the new member challenge: failed

but yeah you’d seen him performing before and honestly you almost decided to become his fan

a l m o s t

at first he (jokingly) refuses to teach you guitar because you called him chicken little

and since then you keep calling him that just to mess with him

“hi chicken little”

“what’s poppin chicken little”

“why do you look so flustered, chicken little? do i make you nervous??”

he turns red chicken little is now an angry bird “gO AWAY NEWBIE YOU’RE SO ANNOYING”

jae’s a foreigner but he speaks fluent korean

he tells you that even though he was born and grew up in america he always speaks the language with his parents

but of course since he lives abroad there are lots of words or slang he doesn’t know, so you gotta be an ass and slip some difficult words when you speak to him

he gets his revenge by replying to you in english

whenever you two are having an argument (usually over stupid things) everyone in the club suddenly gets headache

wtf they’re not even making any sense

besides music, jae is the most excited when talking about LOL or social topics because well his major

honestly idk much about politic science so cmiimw

one time someone asks for his opinion about social welfare and he ends up starting a sudden debate session with the said person about social welfare programs in south korea and america and the difference between both countries

you mention human rights and he sNAPS

i mean he gives a full 15 mins speech about it

“yknow what im sayin?”

“dude… i honestly don’t get it at all”

because he be speaking in full english like wat

he’s just so passionate about everything it’s almost adorable

a l m o s t

and it’s not only his passion but also his small eyes, his laugh, his voice, or the way he occasionally lifts his head to look at you while playing guitar and you smile and he smiles because you smile first shnshsbshs soft

even the corners of his lips are so cute wow

oh fuck im emo i love him

but you adore him just as a good friend

he’s always been bubbly and friendly with everyone, not just you, so yeah it’s really easy to fall for him but you assure yourself that you’re nOT

are we having “in denial” shit again omg im so uncreative

anyway fast forward it’s ur birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY

you decide to throw a small party at your place and invite 5 or 6 of your closest friends but damn on the d-day it rains so hard

if ur bday falls on winter then change it to snowing hard, if it’s spring then maybe there’s strong wind or something, whatever suits you fam lol

so no one comes to your party lol you are Sad

BUT THEN!!!! JAE SHOWS UP!!!!!

PARK JAEHYUNG

OUT OF ALL PEOPLE

no you didn’t invite him because idk

are we really that close??? ehhhh he probably won’t come anyway haha why bother

BUT!!!! HE SHOWS UP!!! IN FRONT OF YOUR DOOR!!!

he’s carrying an umbrella but it didn’t really help apparently because he’s soaking wet

imagine that view i mean nvm

“i happened to be near here and i remember it’s your birthday today so i think i’m gonna drop by to say hi and suddenly it’s raining too hard on the way but anyway happy birthday can you let me in first i’m cold”

ofc you let jae in i mean we can’t let the chicken catch the flu amirite

but you warn him that he’ll have to leave before 11 or your RA will kick you both out the dorm lol

after a towel, two cups of hot tea, and one shared piece of chocolate cake, you told him you were supposed to have a small party tonight but no one could make it because of the rain and he’s like “hOW DARE YOU HAVING A PARTY BUT NOT INVITING ME I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL” and you’re just like “lol shut up chicken here eat more cake”

anyways you two spend time joking and talking about random stuff and it’s probably not the best birthday ever but at least you don’t have to spend it alone and to be honest you’re happy that he’s here

then jae pulls out his ultimate weapon

i mean his guitar

he was soaking wet but the guitar is clean and dry and all fine like hoW EVEN

“priorities” -park jaehyung

he said he gonna play a song of your choice because he came empty handed and he feels bad about it

you blush and pick whatever song comes to your mind because you can’t really think of any, and he starts strumming his guitar and sings

and while he keeps looking at you, you find yourself too can’t take your eyes off him

the song ends and you’re about to clap your hands when he suddenly starts another one

wait you’ve never heard this song before

it’s a slow song and the lyrics are all like, the sky turns dark on the birthday of the brightest star so that it’ll be the only light in his world, how he feels regretful that he has nothing to give but his small heart, and he hopes that this lovely person will hold his hand as they listen to this song together, that this lovely person will feel warm beside him

guys just imagine the song okay i can’t Romance

it’s dead silent until you whisper, “is that… a song for me?”

jae’s face turns red and he starts panicking™ like “i made up the lyrics just now okay i know it’s fricking sappy and cheesy as hell okay i just uhhh want to cheer you up!!!! because you seem kinda down!!!!! let’s not talk about this again uGh WhatEvER leT Me LIvE!!!!!”

but you chuckle and thank him, it was the best present you can get from anyone

you two stare at each other for a second that feels like years and he finally breaks the silence, “you know,,, maybe i came here on purpose,,, maybe actually i want to see you,,,”

“and why is it?”

“because i think,,, i miss you,,, kinda”

and you don’t say this out loud but maybe you do know that

even if you say you’ll never

in fact you’ve already fallen for him a bit

or perhaps a lot

like a lot

then he leans in to kiss your lips and you kiss back and it’s almost not awkward at all, it just feels right as if you’ve kissed him million times before

a l m o s t

you two still blush real hard after

but yeah that’s how you two start dating

none of you two tell anyone about it but it’s pretty obvious, i mean jae always picks you up at your dorm, he walks with you to your class or vice versa (if your classes don’t overlap tho), you two keep stealing glances at each others, also—

jae with you: “hey,,,, come here sit with me u3u,,,,, did you have lunch??? oh i wrote a song last night check this out,,,, what are you gonna do this saturday? oml you’re so cute”

jae with everyone else: “HAHAHAHA FUCKING FUCK SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING PRICK ALSO BRIAN FUCKING KANG IF YOU STEAL MY FUCKING FRIES AGAIN I WILL LITERALLY SNAP YOUR FUCKING NECK”

welp actually he’s not always sweet with you, sometimes you two still argue about silly things using mixed languages but now everyone in the club knows better to just run away once it begins

because it’ll end up with you two fighting or you two kissing

yes im nasty and a disappointment bye

btw wonpil is excited af it’s almost like he’s dating you both

“it’s really nice seeing you two finally together!!!!!!! especially because jaehyung really couldn’t shut up about you ever since the first day you joined our music club”

“wait wha-”

“YOU SNAKE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET FUCK OFF”

I’m so in love with park jaehyung y'all hsnshsbsh aNYWAYS!!! 100 blocks limit has lifted from tumblr app AYEEEEE

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

okay, y’all, i’ve gotta back on my tl;dr bullshit soapbox about something:

so, the other day, i was just mindlessly scrolling through my corporate & capitalist hellscape facebook™️ (i.e. LinkedIn) and came across this totally trite mostly bullshit meme that was shared by some corporate executive search man (whose name i decided to crop out bc eh):

so i obviously agree with the last three points on this list, bc god yes my life would’ve been a bit better if I didn’t get all my dialogue about mental health only from teen mags and horrible portrayals in teen tv shows (and also this hellsite). and hell yeah everyone, and I mean EVERYONE needs to learn that failure is okay many situations (like failing a class in uni or school) bc everyone fails at something sometimes. and dealing with failure is HARD. and time management is something that I’m pretty sure everyone lies to fuckin hell about on their resume, bc lots of people really suck at it, myself included. so yeah. that needs to be taught. and i also agree with the “how to manage your health” point. bc thats becoming ever more prevalent and important with career burn out etc.

but entrepreneurship? people management? conflict resolution? creativity? how to manage money? public speaking? like y’all. three of those ARE taught/learned in school, who the fuck wrote this meme? 

for anyone who actually paid attention in maths class, (which is probably very few people outside of the top performing classes), there WAS A WHOLE FUCKING UNIT that focuses on financial maths (in australia anyway). I ignored this unit as well as maths in general at school, bc I generally hated maths and was convinced that I was somehow never going to get a job. but i remember the gist of the overall topic and its subtopics. one subtopic teaches you how to calculate your wages in various contexts (overtime, double-time and a half, holiday payments, im pretty sure maternity leave pay was jammed in somewhere? idk if other countries would have double time & a 1/2 like australia though). another subtopic teaches you how to calculate interest on bank loans and credit rates on credit cards. a third subtopic teaches you how to calculate savings (obvs in terms of discounts in shops)....im sure there was a bit about budgeting in there somewhere? im pretty sure there were some questions were about tax payments somewhere as a subtopic enrichment exercise? but you get my gist. are these not money management skills? in some sense? like if i could find one of my old maths textbooks or old maths books i’d give an example of a question, to make my point stronger. but the problem, like i said before, is that a load of people (myself included) just zone out in maths in high school and stop trying with it. they forget what they’ve learnt, and just remember how much they hated algebra and how they’ll never use it again. maths was one hell of a fucking strong bitch, guys. but maybe i’m wrong.

creativity? excuse me? have people forgotten about art classes? drama classes? english classes? music classes? need i go on? okay don’t get me wrong, most of these classes did focus a lot on memorising quotes or facts about people (artists/writers/poets/composers/dramatists etc) or specific  periods/movements in art or theatre or literature for example.... but the amazing sculptures/paintings etc people created in art for their final projects in year 12, or even in year 10 were works of their imagination. the scripts people write in drama or maybe english (if you had a fun teacher who did a screenwriting unit, for example) are creative asf. especially in year 12 when they do their major projects, where they may produce a monologue or a short movie, and then there’s a group piece. drama students might even make their own costumes for these performances. LIKE AIN’T THAT A LOT OF CREATIVITY RIGHT THERE Y’ALL????? and english. lowly old english. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING TOPIC ON CREATIVE WRITING FOR FUCKS SAKE. the original music people might create for their final projects too in year 12? does that not count as creativity? like yes, i know a lot of these things do still have to meet bs assessment criteria (especially in catholic schools, where the main things are you don’t offend the catholic education office and jesus/god lmao) to be considered worthy of a mark for your year 12 exams. but FUCK. HOW THE FUCK AREN’T ANY OF THESE SUBJECTS COUNTED TOWARDS BEING CREATIVE???????? like fuck your corporate creative ideation or w/e bullshit, Callum. drama and english even lend themselves to improvisation in some instances, like public speaking, which is examined further, below.

next, we move on to public speaking. this shit is basically taught from the first goddamn day of “show & tell” in kindy/kindergarten, and this fucker has the gall to say that it’s not fucking taught in schools? someone call in miley cyrus/hannah montana to throw the fuck down in this motherfucking hoedown BC THIS STUPID-ASS MEME-FUCKER HAS NERVE. i hated public speaking. absolutely hated it. even though it was ironically one of the places i ended up excelling in in english classes. even when i fucked up in my english speeches with like “oh, fuck.... said nelson mandela,  i’ve seem to’ve lost my palm card. wait, shit! there it is... excuse me while i pull it out of my ass. whoops, sorry miss” *bats eyes and finger guns at my year 9 english teacher who has her head in her hands and is done with my shit, while the class laughs at my gaffe* i’d still end up with like 73% or like 26/30. it was baffling. but for people who weren’t the class clown/smart alec like i was from years 7-10 (and like i actually wasn’t once i moved schools).... public speaking is like the leading cause of anxiety, right? like by the time i got to doing speeches/presentations at uni i was having panic attacks... the thought of presenting to my classes made me fucking sick with fear and anxiety. nearly every subject i did at uni (even when i tried to avoid subs with public speaking assessments) and throughout school had some type of presentation/speech whatever you want to call it project/activity in it. even fucking SPORT/PDHPE at school and even philosophy at uni. and these fuckers are saying its not taught in schools. FUCK  OFF. like yeah, i get that they actually mean it in the professional sense.... where people can give the sappy bs motivational speeches or an insightful ted-talk worthy 20-minute presentation... or a great sales pitch. but like??? save that for mike “my dad phoned in to EY and i have a job waiting for me after uni” mcfuck in a business major or law degree? or for clubs like toastmasters? fuck. ok enough of the skills we learn in school. let’s move onto the businesslike-sounding ones of “people management”, “conflict management” and fucking “entrepreneurship”. like. what the fuck? okay in some sense people management and conflict management could potentially be used in managing friendships and relationships in your personal life. but like. i can feel the business underpinnings and i dont like it lmao. like why do you want fully functioning adults straight out of school, franklin? and there’s extra credit conflict management subjects at uni??? or at least my home uni had it... and i never did them bc they were intensive courses during summer break lol. but the one that pissed me off the most was entrepreneurship. LIKE ARE KIDS NOT FUCKING ALLOWED TO BE KIDS NOW????? well  apparently: “NO! YOU MUST ALWAYS THINK OF MONEY MAKING WAYS TO BE RICH! YOU MUST BE ENTREPRENEURIAL!!!!!! YOU MUST GENERATE BUSINESS IDEAS FROM THE TIME YOU CAN FUCKIN’ WALK!!!!! AND SPEAK!!! CHILDHOOD AND BEING A TEENAGER DON’T EXIST WORKER BEE!!!! CAPITALISM FOR ALL!!!! WORKER BEES!!! CAPITALISM IS YOUR FRIEND!!! OWN A BUSINESS BY THE TIME YOU’RE 8 YEARS OLD!” like it’s insidious asf. and it doesn’t acknowledge that most entrepreneurs are already privileged people anyway, who usually have some type of money to start off their venture (or that’s what it feels like anyway). and yeah throw all the “THIS BOY IS AN ENTREPRENEUR AT 18!!! 18!!!???? BY STARTING HIS OWN BUSINESS AT 12!!!! WHAT A CHAMP! 😁🙃” clickbait news stories at me, but i don’t fucking care. the concept and perceived over-importance and almost preaching mindset of entrepreneurship is slowly becoming insidious and toxic asf. call me paranoid. but that’s what it feels like.

but with those last three topics, i want to make a point that school curriculum’s (in australia at least, and probably worldwide) are so jam-packed already with sport (which is pointless and shitty), geography (ok how to read maps is important, but i never bothered to learned to do it properly), history, science, english etc etc etc..... that like.... where the actual fuck are the gonna jam the above bs (people management”, “conflict management” and entrepreneurship) into the curriculum???? and also teachers are already over-worked enough as it is, they don’t need another load of shitty subjects pushed onto them. and they sure asf don’t earn enough (especially in the states) to have this bs pushed into their subject schedules either. keep them at uni, where they should be. or just in the workplace/in the general public where they belong. and if people suggest that you could probably push these subjects into the year 11/12 business studies programs or elective commerce courses in years 9/10, save your goddamn breath. like i remember looking at business studies hsc papers in years 11/12 to see what they did.... and it was pretty chock-a-block anyway. and my experience of my year 9 commerce was horrible, to say the least. let kids be kids, for fucks sake. they shouldn’t have to be fully functioning adults in the workplace, by the end of high school, for fucks sake. AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP IS NOT AN ESSENTIAL SKILL????!!!! FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT, WILHELM. anyway. that’s my rant over about how i hate how corporate people are trying to be #relatablewiththeyouth🙃 with their shitty versions of “10 things i wish we learned in school” memes.... and failing.... without realising that this is why millennials are suspicious and cynical about meme usage by corporate people/corporations.

[oasisprngsmoved-blog]

125 questions about me

i was tagged by @surreysimmer and @oasisable, lov u guys. the point of the tag is to create a simself w your traits and answer the questions!

i tag: @brndletonbae @vvindenburg and anyone else who hasnt done it yet!

my traits are dog lover, geek and hot-headed!

125 questions below the cut

1. what is your name? taylah

2. what is your nickname? tay

3. birthday? aug 30 1998

4. what is your favorite book series? the illuminae files by amie kaufman and jay kristoff

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts? yessss

6. who is your favorite author? neal shusterman

7. what is your favorite radio station? i only use apple music

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything? raspberry flavour mhm

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? incredible

10. what is your current favorite song? i literally have no idea

11. what is your favorite word? no clue

12. what was the last song you listened to? i can hear my mother listening to abba downstairs

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch? brooklyn nine nine

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? mr beans holiday

15. do you play video games? yeeee, lately ive been playing detroit become human, the new spiderman game and gta v :-) 

16. what is your biggest fear? CLOWNS

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion? im really empathetic 

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion? i can be an asshole

9. do you like cats or dogs better? dogs

20. what is your favorite season? winter

21. are you in a relationship? no

22. what is something you miss from your childhood? my dad,,,,,

23. who is your best friend? jacqui + kelsey and also jills + haley

24. what is your eye color? hazel

25. what is your hair color? black

26. who is someone you love? my dog

27. who is someone you trust? see q.23

28. who is someone you think about often? my dad

29. are you currently excited about/for something? christmas

30. what is your biggest obsession? i develop fixations real fast u could ask me my biggest obsession and itll change in 2 days

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child? probably zoey-101 or smth like that

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? bold of q.32 to assume i trust people

33. are you superstitious? yeah

34. do you have any unusual phobias? broken glass

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

36. what is your favorite hobby? watch netflix, game, work kkfbcuaajl

37. what was the last book you read? sadie by courtney summers

38. what was the last movie you watched? bohemian rhapsody

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any? none

40. what is your favorite animal? dogs, sloths and sharks

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? i cant narrow things down im indecisive

42. what superpower do you wish you had? invisibility

43. when and where do you feel most at peace? when i knock tf out and finally sleep kwbaubfdl but also when im home alone

44. what makes you smile? when someone laughs at my dumb jokes

45. what sports do you play, if any? this is so funny

46. what is your favorite drink? vanilla coke

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? no clue

48. are you afraid of heights? kind of

49. what is your biggest pet peeve? when people dont listen

50. have you ever been to a concert? yeah 

51. are you vegan/vegetarian? no but i want to be

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? hotel manager

53. what fictional world would you like to live in? harry potter lmao

54. what is something you worry about? everything!!!!!

55. are you scared of the dark? not really

56. do you like to sing? like to yes, but i cant sing

57. have you ever skipped school? yes and i skip uni all the time im depressed

58. what is your favorite place on the planet? my bed

59. where would you like to live? anywhere but australia

60. do you have any pets? i have a fifi!! (a dog... she was gonna be in the photos with my simself but her breed isnt in the game so sad)

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets

63. do you know how to drive? yes

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones? i call them earphones so no clue what the difference is

65. have you ever had braces? no

66. what is your favorite genre of music? literally anything

67. who is your hero? no clue

68. do you read comic books? i read graphic novels but not comic books

69. what makes you the most angry? rude people!!!!!

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? both im not bothered

71. what is your favorite subject in school? rn i love my social science classes

72. do you have any siblings? 4 brothers 2 sisters

73. what was the last thing you bought? gta v

74. how tall are you? 5′4 / 163cm

75. can you cook? yeah

76. what are three things that you love? my friends, my family, my dog

77. what are three things that you hate? stress, rude opinionated people, people who ignore what you say

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends? female friends i dont talk to men besides my brother and my boss

79. what is your sexual orientation? lmaoooooooooo no idea atm ha

80. where do you currently live? australia

81. who was the last person you texted? sam

82. when was the last time you cried? the other night larbnlcbadj

83. who is your favorite youtuber? how ridiculous

84. do you like to take selfies? not really

85. what is your favorite app? tumblr

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like? pretty good but my mums a taurus so shes stubborn af

87. what is your favorite foreign accent? french

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? everywhere im stuck in the bottom of the globe someone save me

89. what is your favorite number? 7

90. can you juggle? no

91. are you religious? no

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? space!!! but both are interesting tbh

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? no

94. are you allergic to anything? no but im lactose intolerant

95. can you curl your tongue? yes

96. can you wiggle your ears? no

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something? no im also stubborn af

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach? neither

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? someone, the other day, told me im young with relatively little life experiences and that struggling with myself is okay and to not worry about the future idk this makes no sense with 0 context to what we were talking about but it helped a lot.

100. are you a good liar? depends i can tell my boss im sick and i cant work when im Depressed^tm just fine but i cant lie to a friend

101. what is your hogwarts house? slytherin

102. do you talk to yourself? yes rip

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert? bitta both

104. do you keep a journal/diary? i have a priv twitter acc where only 2 people follow me and i act like its my journal so close enough

105. do you believe in second chances? depends on the circumstances

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? turn it in

107. do you believe that people are capable of change? again depends

108. are you ticklish? oh yes

109. have you ever been on a plane? yes

110. do you have any piercings? i have my ears done twice, my helix and my nose

111. what fictional character do you wish was real? cress from tlc

112. do you have any tattoos? no

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? deciding to go to uni

114. do you believe in karma? yeee

115. do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses, contacts freak me out

116. do you want children? no, if i were to have kids id wanna adopt

117. who is the smartest person you know? no idea

118. what is your most embarrassing memory? anything from 2015/2016

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yes

120. what colour are most of you clothes? black and grey

121. do you like adventures? depends

122. have you ever been on tv? no

123. how old are you? 20

124. what is your favorite movie quote? the gone girl monologue i wont quote it because its a SPOILER but its my fav

125. sweet or savory? sweet

[s-nebul0sa]

I just realized there are some asks left... The rest? 😉😄

Are you kidding me?!

Not what I meant when I said ‘ask me stuff I’m in the mood to answer questions’. 😂😂

1. The meaning behind my url:

I wanted S_Nebulosa or something but that was already taken… so I had to come up with something and somehow that’s how I came up with this. No deeper meaning.

3. How many tattoos I have and what they are:

One tattoo of 3 snowflakes.

5. Piercings I have:

I have pierced ears and that’s it.

7. Biggest turn offs:

When someone has a weird air/moves weird or something. Idk sometimes when I see someone I instantly know I dislike something about the way they move or hold themselves. It’s really vague and weird but it is what it is. Also being mean or rude. Cancelling stuff last minute for reasons like ‘also had plans with someone else’ because you could’ve just put stuff in your agenda and let me know before I was all hyped up and ready to meet… and chewing with an open mout.

9. Tattoos I want:

A star Katie drew but maybe with something else or made into a nice design or something.

11. Age:

23

13. Life goal:

Be happy, nice job, kid(s), spouse. Oh no! Have my parents come visit me instead of the other way around because I’m so independent and mature. That’s more attainable.

15. Relationship status:

Single

17. A fact about my life:

You’re assuming I actually have a life?

I have too many hobbies and I’m too attached to them to quit anything but it’s also getting in the way of stuff like uni…

19. Middle name:

Don’t have one

21. Are you a virgin?

I’m a cancer

23. What’s your sexual orientation?

I’ve given up labelling myself. Or maybe accepted that I don’t want to label myself. I don’t know. I just use (umbrella term) gay. Also something on the asexual spectrum probably.

25. Someone you miss:

I honestly don’t really miss anyone.

27. First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:

First celebrity I think of when anyone says anything (positive) is Katie… what a surprise.

29. One insecurity:

Only one? I guess… my body

31. Have you ever taken a picture naked?

No

33. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

Like, quick peck on the lips? Or actual kiss kiss? The latter; no. The former; yes. In a play for a scene. And my sister, mom and grandma probably.

35. Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?

Maybe when I was little but not as a teen or adult.

37. Have you ever been dumped?

No, that’s the benefit of never having had a relationship.

39. Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?

I don’t think I have.

41. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

No I didn’t really have anywhere to sneak off to and I wouldn’t dare anyway.

43. Have you ever been arrested?

No omg my mom would have me killed. (I know I’m an adult but my mom is still scary when she wants to.)

45. Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?

Well, I do occasionally manage to have friends. So, yes. If this question is meant as in, like, a booty call or something; then no.

47. Have you ever had a crush on your neighbour?

No. I don’t really know my neighbours here and my parents’ neighbours are families with kids I used to babysit so that would’ve been very inappropriate and awkward. But thankfully I just didn’t seem to ‘do’ crushes until recently.

49. Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?

Yes. Is this supposed to be scandalous (for straight people)? I used to sleep in my mom’s bed with her when my dad was away for business (alternating nights with my sister and sometimes on the last night if it was an odd number of nights we both got to sleep there). And my sister has a double bed and sometimes I ‘sleep over’ with her in her bed. And I’ve shared double air mattresses with friends before for sleepovers and once on a school trip where the boat back had broken or something so we were sent to a hotel that only had double beds…

51. Have you ever been on a plane?

Yes, multiple times.

53. Have you ever slept in until 3?

Probably not. That’s really late. Might’ve stayed in bed until 3 (or later) staring at the ceiling or spending time on my phone but I don’t think I ever managed to sleep until 3.

55. Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

I have.

57. Have you ever played dress up?

Yes, I used to love dressing up as a princess. We also have this (dumb, sorry, I’m opinionated) thing here where people dress up (not Halloween, we don’t celebrate that) in February or March. (It’s called carnaval.) In primary school we had to go dressed up on the Friday before.

59. Have you ever been lonely?

I’m a lot lonely and very often…

61. Have you ever been to a club?

Yes, I think so.

63. Have you ever touched a snake?

Maybe? Look at my memory failing me. Probably not because I think I’d have remembered and it would’ve freaked me out so much.

65. Have you ever been suspended from school?

No, goody two shoes, remember?

67. Have you ever been in a car accident?

Not a big one but on the way back from a holiday with friends some truck tried to merge into our lane by driving through our car. Didn’t work. Had some damage to the pain but mostly his own truck got damaged. Was a whole deal with the police and stuff and him not speaking any language any of us spoke… and I was a little shaken. But all ended well and insurance covered our damage. Or he did. I don’t know. It was my parents’ car. I handed them the papers we got from the police and they fixed it with insurance and stuff.

69. Have you ever witnessed a crime?

Omg yes when I was like a super tiny kid. Maybe 3 or 4. (Wait, is a crime different than an offence or something? Idc. I want to tell this story now.) I vividly remember it because I was sitting in the car while my mom was packing the groceries in the trunk and a man took a woman’s bag/purse and ran away. She started yelling at him and chasing him and it spooked him so much he dropped it. It made a huge impression on me even though I probably made it bigger in my mind than it actually was.

71. Have you ever been lost?

Yes, at summer camp we were lost once during a night scavenger hunt/walk/quest thingy. I don’t know the translation. And because of my sublime sense of direction I get lost all the time and thanks to modern technology find my way again.

73. Have you ever felt like dying?

Like I was dying or like I wanted to die? Yes to one of those two.

75. Have you ever sang karaoke?

I’ve played singstar or some equavalent before during birthday parties.

77. Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?

Damn no I’m glad I haven’t.

79. Have you ever kissed in the rain?

No

81. Have you ever made out in a park?

No

83. Have you ever glued your hand to something?

I’m me so I must’ve. Definitely to paper but I don’t know if I glued it to something else ever.

85. Have you ever gone to school partially naked?

No, the least I’ve probably worn was shorts and a t-shirt (and underwear and socks and stuff).

87. Have you ever sat on a rooftop?

Yes, my internship had a rooftop terrace thingy.

89. Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?

Have I ever not been?? I’m usually too scared to even watch scary movies with other people…

91. Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

No and nowadays with phones and stuff, I would not appreciate it at all. That thing’s expensive and not water resistant.

93. Have you ever broken a bone?

Yes, broke my thumb (not all the way through) and splintered off a tiny piece off bone in my pinky. Those are two separate occasions.

95. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

I have

97. Have you ever cheated on a test?

Yes. In the second year of (Dutch) high school, my history teacher would not pay attention at all during tests and I didn’t like history tests because of all the dumb facts (that I now know can be really useful and give you an idea of when stuff happened in relation to other stuff). So, I had put my book on my lap. Also, during Spanish because we knew the test would be to write a letter so the entire class just pre-wrote it using google translate and printed it to tape it inside their dictionary. I did too.

99. Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

No and this seems odd too because everyone is real… but maybe I just never feel like a person isn’t real but me meeting them isn’t real or something… idk

[trashyazeohane]

Anyhoo it seems you guys like my ideas, so here I am – with new part… If I didn’t have one long fanfick already started, I would turn it into a normal story, but naaah, probably not. Maybe I’ll write something, maybe not, idk…

So where we left off… Ah yeah… And today with even more of my shitty colorful my art!

Part 1 here!

Adult!Maxvid!AU – part 2 (keep it going):

Scene #3

Max wanted to say something. Anything. But his throat was dry and he felt like he suddenly swallowed a ton of bricks, which were made of lead actually. The fact that his Little Star was looking at him curiously wasn’t helping at all. It was making everything way worse.

Oh, Nikki definitely would pay a nice amount of money to see him like this.

And fuck, David was still staring at him and – what the hell – this guy didn’t change at all!? This was unfair.

“Max?” David asked, hands immediately moving to form letters. Little Star followed his movements, only to turn her head at Max in the end.

Fuck, shit, god fucking damn it, he was ruined. Why, just why him? Why now? Why after so many years?

Nevermind I forgot where I was going with the previous scene

After some awkward interaction Max took his Little Star home, still in this half dazed state. She tried to ask him few questions, but he barely could respond with his hands, which weirdly felt like they didn’t belong to him. His aunt also asked him about it, but he just brushed it off to quickly get back to his dorm.

Boom! Max burst into Nikki’s room, who was in the middle of feeding her snake. She was like ‘Sup Max!’ without lifting her head at him.

Scene#4

“Nikki!”

“What?!” The girl looked at him, now clearly perplexed. Well, no wonder. If weird glances from his family were any good indication, then he had to look out of his mind. He felt out of his mind. “Max, you okay, man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

That could even be even the case.

For few seconds the voice didn’t want to leave his throat. Fuck, even the coherent sentence didn’t want to be formed inside his now mushy brain. Or what was left of it. Seriously, fuck him, fuck his life. Everything was going almost good for few years. He almost managed to forget about him. But then he had to be right there!

Why had he done in his life to deserve it? He probably deserved it, but still!

The interval in the conversation had to be long, because even Nikki started to look… worried? Yes, worried was a good name for the emotion hiding inside her eyes.

“Max?”

“I just saw David.”

“Oh…”

“Just oh!? You’re commenting it with just ‘oh’!?”

“Wait, my mind is still processing this.”

So Max was basically totally freaked out. Like duh! Nikki interrogated him about the whole meeting fiasco and Max realized that he had to look pretty dumb with him uttering almost no words. Fuck. What if David found out? No, but that was impossible!? There was no way he could know what was running through Max’s brain. And even if… most of it was filled with ‘fucks’…

Nikki patted him on the back and was like ‘Everything’s going to be okay.’

Max was like ‘Wtf how!?’

Scene #5

“Well you don’t have to pick up your cousin that often, right? So chill. Maybe you’ll see him like five more times or so?”

“Nikki, I agreed to pick her up every Tuesday and Thursday.”

“That complicates things…”

“No shit, Sherlock!”

So Max was a nervous mess and Nikki actually found it pretty funny. In the end Max snapped at her to stop snickering at him and she just burst into laughter and said that she had to call Neil.

Which she did, later. And then Neil wrote to him in the middle of the night (because that nerd had terrible sleeping schedules due to his Uni). Talking with Neil actually helped more than with Nikki, but well she was never good in lifting people’s spirits up in the end.

Next day rolled more over calmly. Max, maybe not totally forgot about his encounter, but he had terrible labs so he was exhausted to this point where he didn’t think too much about it.

But then Thursday came and Max literally laid in his bed, opened his eyes open and immediately murmured ‘Shit’

The day passed and Max got more anxious with every passing minute. He was so stressed that he snarled and growled at every person that wanted to approach him. Only Nikki was allowed to be close, because she didn’t care. Actually found it hilarious (again).

Then she even dared to show him thumbs-up when he was supposed to go pick his Little Star up. Max showed her middle finger, just because he was nervous and pissed, because he rarely feels nervous and now he was nervous because of that fucktard!

Max taps his foot a lot when he is like that

He was talking a lot with himself in his head while going to the Kindergarten, because duh, maybe David won’t be there today? Maybe he won’t see him anymore? Maybe it was just a terrible figment of his imagination? Yes, maybe David was only there in replacement for someone who had vacations? Maybe he wasn’t already working there and Max won’t see him ever again?

But you kind of want to see him? Admit it!

Shut up, me!

And he was in front of the door.

Shiet, fuck, shiet, fuck!

But he was Max. He had reputation at his Uni. Very bad reputation! He had to keep the face! Especially in front of David. Piece of cake!

So Max stepped inside. The woman behind the counter just asked him to step further into the building, because she had hands full of work (aka. kids).

“You have to turn left at the end of the hall and go through the third door on the right!”

“Okay…”

So he stepped into the hall and slowly moved further. Gladly he didn’t get lost, although he had to replay the instructions two times in his head.

He had to pass one more hallway to get to the class. Max was now pissed and perplexed by this building construction. The fact that it was still filled with shouts and yells of kids didn’t really help calm his nerves. It actually made him more edgy and angry.

So he was majorly pissed when he finally, finally reached the opened door.

He was about to knock on the doorframe, but stopped midway, when he saw David in the middle of the room with his Little Star hanging onto his neck.

And, what the fuck, Max definitely had to be cursed, because he felt all this anger slipping away. He wouldn’t admit that it could be a nice spell, it definitely was a fucking curse.

Anyhoo

Scene #6.1

David was kneeling in the middle of the room. He was explaining something to some kid in front of him and he looked… looked so calm. This everlasting smile was still on his face, always kind and understanding. Just as Max remembered it. David’s hands move smoothly in front of himself and the kid in front twirled his foot into the carpet, but a shy, embarrassed smile tugged at the corner of his lips. It also looked like the kid had been crying not too long ago. (Picture above)

The room was quiet, but not uncomfortable or deadly quiet, just… it felt like the silence was always present here, but not unwelcomed.

Scene #6.2

Then David patted the child’s head and smiled broadly and the kid did the same. Only then he finally noticed Max standing in the corridor, or by now leaning on the wall there. (Picture above)

“Oh hey, Max! I didn’t hear you coming in.”

Max raised his eyebrow, ready to snarky comment back the fact that his footsteps were the fucking loudest thing in this goddamn corridor, but then Little Star untangled herself form David’s neck and ran to him, with that giddy smile on her face, to wrap her hands around her legs.

“Maxie!”

By the way, Max totally hates kids! Like, he feels like snapping when one do something stupid near him. The only kid he likes/loves is Little Star.

“Why won’t you show Max what you did today?” David asked, but it didn’t sound like the voice was directed to anyone. His hands’ movements although were directed at the girl hugging Max’s knees. She grinned at that and left Max’s legs. Only then he felt that they could turn into jelly!!! But somehow he managed to stand still, without falling down. Inner Max patted him on the back.

Scene #6.3

Someone save him, because he felt like collapsing. Especially as David turned his head from following Little Star movements to Max.

And Max’s brain once again did the cursing/swearing sequence.

“How are you doing, Max? We didn’t see each other in like-“

“Seven years.” Why did his brain decided to end David’s sentence? What the fuck was wrong with him?

But it didn’t look like the red-haired male took a notice of this as he continued smoothly:

“Oh my golly, it has been already seven years! You’ve grown up so much.” David said, in that ever happy-tone. Then he closed his mouth, hummed and stepped closer. It took a lot of Max’s inner strength not to step back. Then David’s hand moved from the top of his head to the top of Max’s one. “You even overgrew me! I’m amazed!”

“It just genes.” Max answered, but he felt kind of proud, even though he really didn’t have a reason.

“Ah don’t say that, Max. I’m sure you drunk a lot of milk.” David continued, didn’t fazed by the Max’s interruption. Maybe he even looked glad for it. “You sure changed a lot. Although the blue blouse didn’t. Do they make it also for adults?”

Okay, with that he can deal. So Max rolled his eyes.

“Of course, I still wear the same blouse I had since I was a kid.”

“Wait, really?”

“No.”

As you can see Max isn’t such little/tall shit. Well he usually is a little/tall shit, but he calmed a lot through the years. Although when he doesn’t like someone, he isn’t afraid to show his displeasure and dislike. He is still snarky, sarcastic shit in the end.

David suddenly stopped talking, while looking with wide eyes at Max who was like – shit, did he say something wrong? But no, he had been his usual self. What if-

But then David started to laugh and Max was like –

Fuck

His heart

Which skipped a beat after hearing this laughter.

But gladly he wasn’t frozen for long, cause Little Star was back and proudly showed him a tiny platypus she had made from a plasticine.

Max grabbed and stared at it. It wasn’t that or the most realistic platypus (for starters, it was blue, like very bright blue), but it had some childish charm to it. Plus Little Star made it, so it added a hundred points to the final mark!

Max signed to her ‘It’s amazing! I can see you put a lot of effort into it!’

He did it very sloooow.

But Little Star smiled at him and signed back ‘It’s for you!’

Max tried really hard not to grin, but the half-smirk still appeared on his face. He signed one more time ‘thanks’ and then pocketed the figurine.

Nikki totally stole it later by the way. Max was furious while he searched through his whole room for that figurine only to find in on Nikki’s desk.

Back to the main plot.

Then Max lifted his face and boom, David was smiling so proudly at him with tears in the corners of his eyes.

Scene #6.4

“Awww Max~ that was so sweet!” He cooed and this made Max so embarrassed.

“Fuck, shut up David!”

“Language, Max!”

Okay, I think this is all for part 2 I guess? I had this whole story kind of planned out in my head and it started to turn into a fanfic what the fcuk!

Anyhoo there will be some NSFW parts later? Maybe!? Idk really (I mean, in my head they are there, but I don’t know if I add them here). But sorry, I’m a hardcore fan of bottom!David so yeah… you now know what you can expect in the future~

Love!

[stvlti]

11 Questions

i was tagged by @privatekururugi, @espiadimonis, and @transguynoriaki a while ago. each gave me a set of 11 questions to answer, so i will answer these 33 questions. i’m not gonna tag anyone in particular, but if you see this do feel free to have a go at any or all of these sets of 11q’s.

from @privatekururugi:

1) Do you have any specific diet you go by? (Vegan, Gluten-Free, Paleo, etc.) i used to be pescetarian, but then the deficiencies it gave me caused some pretty bad dental / gum problems, so i started eating a bit of lean chicken and pork on the side again... (yeah i know supplements exist, but even my nutrition major of a friend thought a pescetarian diet won’t yield deficiencies, and also supplements are fairly expensive. get off my case)

2&3) Do you have any siblings? If so, how close are you? nope, i’m an only child

4&5) What’s your favourite book and why? (I might want to read it lol) hmm. i still really like 1984, it was the first dystopian classic i read and the concept of Newspeak, tampering with historical authenticity on such grand scales, etc. just blew my mind. so even though i still dislike its weakass character-writing (p much anyone besides Winston has no personality, no distinct personal motives, etc), it’s got a soft spot in my heart. next to that i also liked A Clockwork Orange for the philosophical discussion of the nature of right and wrong (although in hindsight the story is a bit didactic); To Live by Yu Hua (the ill-fated episodes and tragic ends are made all the more absurd by the subtle and simply narration style, but it really is a humbling and informative experience for us readers of a different era and socioeconomic background); and of course, my favourite fable, A Little Prince.

6) Would you describe your personality as dominate or submissive overall? what the fuck kind of question is this. well i’m opinionated as heck, so i’m not submissive “personality-wise”. and that’s all i’ll say on the matter because i’m p sex-indifferent lol, if that’s what this question was trying to get at.

7) What are your dreams usually like at night? oh man. i usually don’t dream normal dreams; as in, most dreams i have is either one big adventure / story, or some bizarre situation that would have been questionable at best, fucked up at worst, in real life context. when i start dreaming about mundane everyday life problems or situations, like failing a test or being stuck with a friend i’ve cut off from my life years ago, that’s usually when i’ve got some kind of stress going on in my life.

(i’ve been trying to restart my dream journal tag actually, but i got stuck on my second entry trying to recall the specifics lol. maybe i should release entry #3 from the drafts first.)

8) Is there anything you’re currently anxious about? well, yeah. my future. my job prospects. being homeless once my parents decide to sell their house off for retirement because the housing prices are through the roof here. pick one.

9&10) Are you looking forward to Thanksgiving? Will you be contributing anything? we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving!

11) Whose your favourite Death Note character (if you have one)?  Light Yagami, even though he’s a slimy fox.

from @transguynoriaki:

1. What kind of music do you listen to?

hmm, i only listen to really slow music or something dark or rock-ish, nothing in between!! muahahaha!! 

okay that’s generalising it; i do love The Honey Trees and The Novembers, which are on opposite ends of the “slow” spectrum (one’s dream pop, the other’s infused with shoegaze and other distortions + some screamy vocals and loud noises at times), with Lana Del Rey and her decadent sounds smack in the middle lol. but yeah i certainly have a taste for the more atmospheric stuff, so aside from the fuzzy feelings of The Novembers’ stuff and the grandness of Lana’s string instrumentals i also like the darker chill vibes you get from The Neighbourhood, some of The Weeknd’s older stuff, etc. 

and I also really enjoy MCR, Muse and the like - i.e. dramatic sounds, that’s the good shit to me haha.

i also like more conventional pop acts like Lorde... and my fave local singer, Ivana Wong, of course!

2. Do you prefer to keep your living space neat and tidy or do you like a certain amount of mess?

i do prefer order and routine in my life, sadly if i can’t do that on a structural level you think i can do that with my desk?! lol. in an alternate universe, maybe.

3. What was the first ship you remember really shipping?

hmm probably TerraxBeast Boy from CN’s Teen Titans. i was lukewarm / indifferent to other canon pairings i’ve seen in media up until that point; but i guess i was more persuaded by the storyline than their characterisations as looking back there are glaring trust issues in their relationship (and that’s an understatement)

4. Do you have a certain show or book series that holds a lot of nostalgic value for you? If so, what was it?

hmm, i guess Courage the Cowardly Dog? (i was a weird kid but shush) and Teen Titans of course. as for books, hmm... ASoUE is definitely one of the ones that just takes me back to middle school. i even bought the Beatrice letters files thingy. tbf the whole Lemony Snicket universe did teach me a lot about cryptography, which i guess if me or a friend of mine were to do an L rp and solve cases it would help a lot (*cough* not saying that’s what’s happening right now because i’ve got other stuff i’m investing my time into. i guess my friend’s gonna make themselves scarce as well hahaha *cue Mariah Carey’s i can’t read gif except it’s L*)

5. What is your favorite type of food?

Italian and Japanese are my fave cuisines! i guess that means i love richly-flavoured foods and creamy stuff. ooh, love those sauces.

6. Was there ever a fad or activity from your childhood that you could never understand or get into?

i wasn’t a gamer at all. we didn’t own a single console and i wasn’t allowed to get a handheld. the most i had was a Tamagotchi. so i guess it’s not so much i never got that ‘fad’, just that i was never given the opportunity to discover the really good games. i’ve only ever played a bit of Mario Kart or Cooking Mama on my cousin’s NDS so yeah. didn’t see the appeal in the more light-hearted games like that.

(now that i’ve played Undertale i’m kinda wanting to explore more PC games though. i heard Papers Please is good, and PJ (@kickthepj)’s been recommending Hyper Light Drifter a lot, and the art looks amazing, so yeah... too broke to get them though... and even if i had the money and time to play them i’d be allocating it towards other stuff you know?)

7. What’s your favorite time of day?

well i got 2 fave time periods. the first one’s the witching hours between midnight and early morning, when the world is quiet and you could do anything and nobody would know. the other one is early morning, just after sunrise, and the air is clear and slightly chilly, and it’s also really quiet but you can just hear the birds tweeting somewhere.

i’m more likely to be awake for the first time period described here though... ._.

8. What’s your favorite type flower and why?

hmm i'm not really a flower person. i’m just gonna steal Luke’s answer and say cactus flowers haha (well i do like cacti, they’re some of my favourite plants; i even named my IG/Twitter and Pokemon Go usernames after the plant; also some of you might remember that i had a pet cactus for 8 months)

9. What’s your favorite cliché/trope in fiction?

lovers running out of time...

10. Did/do you do any extracurricular activities when you were in school and what were they?

(wow Luke that’s a lot on your resume!)

i did bits and bobs throughout school, but perhaps my longest commitment was my Clarinet lessons. started when i was in Year 2, carried on until i obtained a Pass in Grade 8 ABRSM certificate in Year 10. i had to quit and give up on a diploma there because i was starting the IB diploma programme in Year 11...

this commitment is only rivalled by the dance classes i took. i did ballet from a young age until i was about 12~13, quitting just before en pointe shoes were introduced; i had also been in Chinese dance lessons from Year 1, so after quitting ballet i just focused on that until Year 10 as well (again, quitting to focus on my full-time diploma).

i also did Taekwondo as a child and obtained a black belt qualification by age 12. i quit once i did though, because again i couldn’t afford to juggle so many commitments the older i got and the more demanding my studies became.

perhaps the proudest extracurricular i’ve done is in my senior years of high school: i started and chaired the student committee as the editor in-chief for the school’s first student-ran and seasonal (now monthly) publication. it’s not student-ran either anymore because i guess the kids that came after the classes of 2014, 2015, and 2016 just dgaf about slightly more demanding extracurriculars that require organisation as long as they can earn their credits elsewhere (yes i’m salty, i’m allowed to be okay, it was my brainchild but apparently kids these days don’t care about having their voices heard if it means having to negotiate diplomacy with the adults in charge. god, how do they expect to survive in uni or in a workplace?)

11. What’s your favorite piece of work that you’ve ever created and what about it do you love so much?

hmm. i think for sure the prose poem i wrote about Light’s death in the anime. idk, the flow and the imagery is just a good concentrated example of what i could be capable of given the right tone and context. (of course, i’ve been trying hard to branch out in genres and forms, so that sort of language isn’t always applicable. but yeah, it remains my fave as a showcase of my best writing abilities ^_^)

and from @espiadimonis​:

1.If you could have one piece of death note merchandise of any kind, what would it be?

oh man! i’ve been pining after the Hot Topic official DN poker card deck for quite some time! i’ve checked Blue Banana while i was in the UK, but it’s not available there, and it’s not at Tokyo Toys either (they do sell a DN playing card deck, but it’s a lot cheaper in design :/)

2.What’s your favourite 3D animated movie?

does Lego Batman count? if not, then i guess Zootopia.

(there’s a reason these 2 are listed in my bio fandoms list like...)

3.What superpower would you like to have?

i used to always choose levitation / flying, but lately i’m not so sure. i’ve heard a lot of compelling arguments for other powers haha.

you know what, i’d trade for something as simple as better control of my own brain. i don’t care about mind control over others; i just want to be able to harness the best parts of my lightning fast thought processes and out-of-the-box thinking on my best days without being constantly tripped up by executive dysfunction like that on a metacognitive level.

4.Favourite piece of clothing?

my soft furry hoodie, which i’m wearing right now! <3

5.Who’s your favourite Sailor Scout?

i don’t have one, sorry! i was 4 when it aired on TV, so i don’t remember much from those years except the Sailor Moon t shirt i got courtesy of my aunt because it was all the rage back then... i’m sorry, but i have more vivid memories of Pretty Cure and Sugar Sugar Rune!

6.Do you prefer potato chips chocolate?

it is a good combo for sure! we are talking about Royce’s chocolate potato chips, right? (if you haven’t tried it get some next time you or a friend/family goes to Japan! we can buy it locally from like Citysuper or something, but i doubt they export it to any countries beyond East Asia haha)

7.What song makes you feel melancholic?

oh, Six Billion did last week. it left me feeling cold all over. an effect from the combination of the layered vocals and the instrumentals i guess. (is it in minor key? i’m sorry i can’t tell anymore, it’s been far too long since i’ve had any musical training. but if it’s in minor key it would explain why.)

there’s also some of the stuff off The Novembers’ catalogue... mostly 終わらない境界 from To (melt into), which was my daily commuting soundtrack at a time when i had brainfog on a regular basis, so yeah, anxiety and all that fun stuff :/

8.Which dn character would you invite to Spaceland(the amusement park)?

Sayu or Matsuda? they deserve a lot more than the hand canon dealt them. hmm maybe Rem too? but she wouldn’t be able to interact with a lot of the stuff there :/

9.What’s the funniest movie you ever watched?

i guess The Lego Batman Movie? i’m sorry i know i keep bringing this film up, but it’s comedic genius for a “kid’s movie”.

10.You can only choose one pokémon! Which one do you choose?

Blissey was gonna be my go to answer. she’s a tank, have you seen her? but is she really my fave mon? debatable. idk man. i really liked Vulpix/Ninetales as a kid... but dark and ghost types though!! okay i can’t choose, next question 

11.What made you happy recently?

i went to another poetry event last night and i met up with a friend i haven’t seen since September :P