#idk i just write stuff and pray ppl find it i guess

[ka-za-ri]

Personal Assistant Pt. 6

Oh wow, y’all still here? The filth hasn’t driven you away yet? Well, that’s good to hear bc we’re about to get real nasty up in here. Taglist at the end.

Part 1: here Part 2: here Part 3: here Part 4: here Part 5: here Part 7: here Crossposted to Ao3: here

Pairing: Barbatos x Reader   Lucifer x Diavolo x Reader Wordcount: 5,300 ish Genre: Dirty, filthy smut Tags: Multiple Orgasms, Demon sex, Rough sex, Endless sex, Size Kink, Double Penetration, Double Vaginal Penetration, Mirror Sex, threesome Summary: An emergency arises and you must leave the office to assist a sister company in dire need.

Business Trip

The best time to break a human was after they had been lulled into a sense of false security.

Lucifer was oddly gentle the following weeks after having shared you with Diavolo. His demands felt less taxing on your body whenever he asked you to service him. He seemed to be more open to expressing how good you made him feel; and that fact alone made your heart sing. It gave your body time to recover from how roughly you were taken that night. Even after a whole weekend of rest, he could tell there was a bit of a limp in your gait.

The attraction you felt towards him continued to intensify when you noticed just how gentle of a lover he could be when he wanted to be. You were so used to being pushed to your limits every week that the momentary break in how you were treated left you feeling so appreciated by him. Even if it was just an illusion; you wanted to just believe he cared. 

You fell into a lull of comfort, expecting love making and not just a fuck out of him. His recent behavior had shown you that he was capable of having feelings for you. Or, at least that was what you had assumed. With your thoughts being clouded by your emotions, you deluded yourself into thinking that he was doting on you because he loved you as much as you loved him. 

If only you knew he was only biding his time until you were in the perfect state to break.

Emergencies never happened in the office. Not when Lucifer was in charge at least. So, when you got into work one day and he was angrily speaking to someone on the phone, you knew something major had happened. You waited patiently for him to finish before asking what happened and if there was any way you could help. 

“I need you to go somewhere for me. Consider it to be a business trip. ” He said, irritation clear in his voice. “It’ll only be for a day or two.” 

“Of course, where will I be going?” 

“Diavolo’s office.” He stated bluntly. Lucifer took a few deep breaths to soothe his temper before continuing. “Something’s happened to his own assistant and he’s too booked to handle the issue.” He heaved a sigh and shrugged. “You’re the only one we can trust to help in this situation.” 

You blinked, not sure how to decipher his words. Figuring it would be best to take it at face value; you moved to start packing things up for a business trip. Your mind reeled at possible hidden meanings and the intentions behind his request. You had never left his side before. Whatever was going on, it must have been a major issue to put both their reputations at risk. Nothing like this had happened before; so, you were rather lost in regards as to what to bring with you. In the end, you settled for a notepad and some pens. If Devilgram’s offices were anything like yours, they would be well equipped for you to do managerial duties without issue. 

“I have a ride arranged for you already. It should take a few hours to get to the office with traffic the way it is. Diavolo will fill you in on what you need to do.” Lucifer’s composure had returned and he gently ushered you to the elevator. “I’ll come get you later after hours. Just don’t disappoint me.” 

“Of course. I wouldn’t dream of it.” 

“That’s what I like to hear.” He walked with you all the way to the black company car that was waiting in the parking garage for you. “Ah... “ he stopped you right before you went in. “Remember, you represent me. So be sure to do your best, no matter what.” 

“Yes, Lucifer. I’ll make you proud.” You reassured, getting into the car and preparing for the long ride through congested city traffic. 

~~ 

If there was one way to describe Diavolo’s office, it would be: chaotic. As soon as you walked in, there was a flurry of papers being shuffled, a loud curse followed by an equally loud laugh and the sound of something solid being kicked. Diavolo appeared behind what looked like a mountain of paperwork, sheepishly running his hand through his hair. “Oh, you’re here early. Good.” He started walking you to a separate corner of his office, talking a mile a minute. 

“So, my assistant is going through… some personal problems right now. Normally, I can help him through that, but they’ve scheduled me for a whole day of video conferences so I can’t do anything about it. And you know… how demons get when they… you know…” Diavolo visibly blushed, trying to get the words out. He stopped in front of an enclosure, his hand resting on the handle while he tried to figure out how to explain his situation to you. 

“I… Don’t understand…” You admitted, confused about what he was trying to hint at. 

“Oh?” His eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline in surprise. “So, Lucifer hasn’t explained anything to you about what my assistant is going through?” 

“No… this morning was rather rushed in trying to get me here as soon as possible.” 

“Oh, well… come on in, let me explain it to you properly.” 

As soon as the door swung open, you could hear the sounds of someone desperately whining. Your eyes followed the sound until they lit upon a young man… no, a demon curled up on one of the plush couches of the lounge, completely naked and writhing around. His teal hair plastered to his flushed face, he was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He glanced up to the two of you, his eyes glazed over; it was almost as if he was staring right through you. Your eyes trailed down his body and stopped at his cock and you could feel yourself heat up, unable to tear your eyes away at its unique shape.  Okay, note to self, no two demon dicks look the same… 

“So, this is Barbatos.” Diavolo’s voice cut through your trance. “He’s my assistant, and normally he’d have this under control; but things happen.” The large man shrugged. “Demons go through a rather intense hormonal surge called a rut once every few decades or so. Sometimes they can feel it coming, other times, it’ll hit them like a truck. You can guess what happened this time.” 

“Ah… the latter.” You said, nodding slightly, finally able to move on from staring at Barbatos’ cock and notice his tail swishing back and forth in agitation. It was quite a sight to take in. You could only assume what Diavolo was about to ask of you; but you wanted to hear it from him instead of coming to conclusions on your own. 

“I can normally let him just ride this out, but we’ve got some really important meetings coming up this week that he has to attend, so you’re going to need to help take the edge off…” His hand rested on your shoulder. “If I didn’t have so many calls to take care of today, I wouldn’t have needed to call you over.” 

Barbatos whined again from where he laid, tears streaked down his face as he looked at you, pleading with his eyes. “Please… help…” 

Taking pity on his unfortunate situation, you took a tentative step forward, surprisingly calm for having such a giant bomb of information dropped on you. You reached out to him, gently pushing away his hair and he hissed at the contact, grabbing your hand and pulling you in for a deep, hungry kiss. The delicate horns on his head scratched your face, leaving long welts across your cheek. 

“Well, I think you have an idea of what you gotta do. My meeting starts in a few minutes so I gotta jet. I’ll check up on you when I get a chance to!” Diavolo’s tone was frustratingly chipper as he made his leave. “Oh, and don’t worry about making too much noise. I’ve jinxed this room to be soundproof.” He reassured before he closed the door and left you alone with his assistant. 

“I’m sorry…” Barbatos said in between his heavy pants. His taloned hands tore your clothes to shreds, his hormones taking control of his actions as he forcibly removed what you wore. You panicked; thinking about how you were going to get back with nothing on you. However, your worries had no place in a situation like this, especially when you felt Barbatos’ cock pressed against your thigh and he hissed in need, rolling his hips to meet yours.

You took another look at it, before taking it in your hand, following its twisted pattern from the base to tapered tip. It vaguely reminded you of a narwhal’s horn in how the muscles twisted together in a spiral to the tip which freely dripped cum. You ran your thumb across the tip, earning you a loud moan, Barbatos arched up, begging to be touched. His whole body was so sensitive from the rut that anything you did sent him deeper into a state of need. 

Your skirt and panties were the next things to be ripped off of you, leaving you as naked as he was. He wasted no time in positioning you above him and slamming you down on his cock; letting out a guttural moan when he was balls deep in you. With the way he was shaped, he drilled into you easily, sliding in and out of your slick folds. Despite his delicate frame, he was strong, controlling the pace by holding your body right where he wanted it and brutally thrusting into you. 

The ridges of his cock rubbed inside of you, making you gasp and moan. You felt yourself teetering and about to fall but something stopped you from doing so. His long tail tightly wrapped itself around your thigh, helping you stay stable. The demon beneath you looked at you with such heated hunger in your eyes, you felt yourself shiver, the pleasure his cock was giving you driven by his hormones served to heighten your own arousal. 

You shouted in surprise when you felt something probing at your asshole. Looking behind you, you noticed the tip of his long tail caressing your ass crack and probe tentatively at the tight hole there. You looked back at Barbatos and saw how glazed over his eyes were from finally getting some relief. He was acting on pure primal instinct, taking everything he needed to end the onslaught of desire that coursed through his veins. 

The tip of his tail coated itself in your essence that liberally flowed down your thighs before it went back to teasing your other hole. You gasped when you felt it press into you. He was still roughly fucking into your pussy as he pushed his tail further into you. His eyelids fluttered and his grip on your hips tightened as he started to stretch your tight hole open with slow even strokes. You didn’t have time to catch your breath as his cock hit every sweet spot in you and penetrated you deeply. Even if he didn’t have the same girth and length as Lucifer or Diavolo, the deep, spiraling ridges pressed against all the right places and made you cum without much effort. 

He didn’t let you breathe after your first orgasm, fucking you without abandon and still working you with his tail. It was then when you realized that his tail was forked, scissoring your hole and stretching your ass in order to fit more of it into you. With your essence aiding in lubrication, it didn’t take long before he was able to put a significant portion of his tail into you and you started reeling in the feeling of having both your holes filled. Gasping for a break, you braced an arm against the back of the couch, using it to keep you upright as Barbatos used you. 

He was insatiable, the heated need in his eyes didn’t dissipate even after he had cum into you. He kept going, fucking you through his orgasms and your own. Your whole body felt numb from all the times you had come undone around him. Each time it was explosive and raw, each time you thought it would be over; but, he kept going. At some point, the two of you found yourselves on the floor. You, on your hands and knees while Barbatos took you from behind, his tail working in rhythm to his cock to once again bring you to orgasm. 

You clawed at the soft carpet below you, crying from the overload of sensations. It was too much, you had lost count of the number of times you had been brought to climax. Yet, the hormones running rampant in the demon fucking you refused to be sated until you blacked out, unable to take anymore. 

Only then did the edge begin to wane. Even if he was still needy, Barbatos carefully curled his body around your unconscious one. His legs intertwined with yours as he kept his cock buried in you, keeping every bit of his seed inside. His tail which had fucked your asshole for hours now slowed its deep thrusts, slowly pulling out of you and giving your body some relief while you rested. 

In your sleep, he placed soft kisses on your shoulders, massaging your breasts and whispering quiet apologies for how roughly he had treated you. You mumbled in your sleep, shifting a bit to get into a better position. As you moved, the instinctual side of Barbatos roughly moved you back into place. Even if the worst of the rut had run its course, his hormones still made him possessive and nearly feral at any shift outside of his control. As soon as you had settled into his arms again and he was sure you weren’t going anywhere, he finally let your body get some much needed rest. 

He himself dozed in and out of consciousness. Even now, his body screamed for more despite how exhausted he was. The room reeked of sex and it only served to keep him hard inside of you no matter how many times he had released himself. His hips kept twitching, rocking into you driving his cock further into your warm depths as he craved contact and stimulation. His body was drained from being in a state of constant arousal. Now that he regained some sense of himself, he took his time in sliding his cock in and out of your abused hole. 

You were brought to another high in your dreams. In your mind, you saw and felt Lucifer caress you. It was his body pressed up against your own and his cock that was penetrating your core. Your body reacted to the images of your dreams, keeping you wet and willing as Barbatos fucked you slowly in your sleep. You remembered begging; you remembered the image of his magnificent demonic form before you and how it made your whole body sing in pleasure. Everything ached, but it was so worth it to feel every detail of his cock working your swollen walls. 

You gasped, feeling your orgasm rush through you and you were jolted back into reality. Barbatos still clung to you from behind, murmuring softly to you and treated you as if you were his most precious lover. He was barely awake, but you could see some light returning in his eyes whenever he blearily looked at you while he placed soft kisses along your jaw and your neck. His sharp teeth left marks all across your back as he marked you with love bites. The sudden shocks of pleasure kept you from sleeping for too long; but at least you were able to rest off the worst of the exhaustion.. 

“Oh? You’re already so calm?” Diavolo’s voice snapped you out of your daze and you glanced up to see him standing at the doorway. “Just finished up everything, so I came to check up on you to see how you were doing. Looks like you got through the hardest part.”

You weakly smiled at him as he walked in and closed the door behind him. “I think he’s sleeping.” You mumbled, gesturing to Barbatos behind you. 

“He can sleep on the couch, it’s much comfier there.” Diavolo bent down and picked up his assistant, finally pulling him out of you and you gasped at the sudden loss of dick inside of you. All the cum that had been kept in you flowed out, coating your thighs and the carpet below you. You heard Barbatos mumble something in protest, but he was too tired to really do much against his much more energetic boss. 

Once he had been put to rest on the couch, Diavolo turned to you. He sat down on the carpet and pulled you up to sit in his lap. “I’m sure that was very intense for you.” he murmured, planting gentle kisses on your temple while his large hands massaged your aching muscles. “I should apologize for putting you through that so suddenly.” 

You didn’t have the energy to really rebuke his apology. Even if it had all been a surprise to you; you couldn’t say that you didn’t enjoy it. Honestly, what happened was likely better than spending eight hours filing paperwork. You managed to at least make a sound of acknowledgement and nestled yourself against his broad chest, enjoying the gentle aftercare he was giving you. He made you drink water at regular intervals and fed you while you drifted in and out of sleep. You weren’t sure how long you were in that strange state of limbo, but Diavolo nursed you back to feeling somewhat human. 

When you awoke, you noticed that you were still cradled in Diavolo’s lap, but this time, he had significantly less clothing than before. Blinking to make sure that you weren’t dreaming, you were entirely too shocked to really process what you saw in the reflection of the full length mirror that was attached to the back of the lounge door. Your whole visit Diavolo’s headquarters had been such a whirlwind, you somehow managed to miss such a large fixture in the room. Your brain, still waking up, had to process the demon who’s lap you were sitting in. His chest was bare, whatever accessories he usually wore in this form had been removed already and laid safely to the side. 

You ogled at the intricate swirling patterns that traveled across his whole torso. Ignoring how much of a right mess you looked after being fucked out of your mind, you took time to admire the leathery wings that sprouted from his back and the grand horns that graced his head. “My apologies, I like to go back to this form whenever no one is around. It’s so much more comfortable to me than looking like a human.” He explained, chuckling softly at your shocked expression. 

“Oh…” you managed to get out, shifting a bit in his lap so you could get a proper look at his face. 

“You’re not scared?” 

“No… I think it’s very hard to be scared after seeing Lucifer and Barbatos.” You reasoned which earned a chuckle out of him. 

“Fair enough.” He conceded. His hand gently combed through your hair, getting out the worst of the knots and tangles. “How are you feeling?” 

“I’ve had better days.” You admitted, noting the distinct soreness your whole body experienced, especially between your legs. 

“I can imagine…” He said, pressing a kiss at your temple. “You did so well, especially on short notice. I’m truly impressed at how well Lucifer trained you.” 

“I… Thank you, my Lord.” You said, humbled by the praise and feeling a warm, fuzzy feeling spread across your chest. Hopefully that meant you were able to uphold Lucifer’s reputation through this ordeal. 

“Hmm… You’re very welcome.” he said, humming softly, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. His hands traveled to your breasts giving them a tentative squeeze. “I know I said I soundproofed the room for you and Barbatos, but that was only for humans. I could still hear everything that happened in here.” 

Your body went from hot to cold, a shiver ran down your spine and you could feel your brain stop working. His hands, gently but firmly spread your legs wide. In the mirror, you could still see Barbatos’ cum dripping out of your sore and tired pussy. You could also see the massive bulge you were sitting on top of. “Would you mind taking care of one more problem?” He asked, gesturing to his crotch and making eye contact with you through the mirror. 

“I… I’ll do my best to please you.” You said, swallowing hard and wondering if your body could really take anymore. After the rest and the care Diavolo had given you, it really did feel much better; but you weren’t sure if you were quite ready to take another demon’s cock into you. 

“Ah.. no wonder he’s so attached to you. You’re just so willing to please.” He said, moving you off his lap only to quickly divest himself of his pants. The moment you saw what you had to work with, you licked your lips with uncertainty and felt  your body instinctually prepare itself to accept the massive cock that he had just unveiled. 

Diavolo kept you facing the mirror, straddling your legs on either side of his thick thighs. One hand at your abdomen, and another at your chest kept you upright as your shaking thighs started to sink onto his length. The blunt head of his cock spread your pussy wide open without any chance to ease into his girth and you immediately screamed. The soreness turned itself into pain as you tried to accept the demon lord’s cock into you. He hushed you, gently rubbing your breasts to keep you distracted from the pain. His strength kept you from collapsing. You looked forward, staring at the length that wasn’t in you yet and the knot that you would eventually have to accept. The tip of his cock had already disappeared into you, but he was about as thick as your forearm and almost as long. The large, pulsing knot at the base of his cock was at least the size of your fist. For the first time you worried about breaking in half.

“It’s okay… It’s okay…” He murmured softly, calming you down and distracting from how much you were about to take. “Just breathe slowly and you’ll have all of me soon.” he reassured. 

He kept his voice low and soft, lulling you into a state of peace. Eventually the pain faded and you allowed yourself to sink further in him. You watched in awe as every inch of him slowly disappeared into you in the mirror. Your pussy stretched and contracted to accommodate the tapered swell of his cock. He coached you through every breath, mumbling soft praises and what sounded like spells to take away whatever pain you might have felt from being stretched out so much. You could see the outline of his cock pressed up against your lower abdomen as he got close to bottoming out in you. “Good girl…” He purred, smiling softly at how beautiful you looked with his dick stuffed into you. 

He let you breathe, making sure that any discomfort was gone before he started moving inside of you. The moment you did, you felt as if you had been rearranged to accept his cock and everything that it brought along with it. The large ridge at the tip of his cock dragged itself along your sore walls, waking every tired nerve in your body. You moaned, leaning up against him and bracing yourself against his sturdy body while he moved you as he wished up and down his cock. Looking at the mirror, you saw how slick his shaft had become, coated with a mixture of your fluids and Barbatos’. 

It was mind numbing how slow he went; but it was likely to your benefit. You were sure to have been broken if he had taken you with the same veracity as his assistant had. It let you enjoy every sensation to its fullest and after a few passes, you were writing in his lap, moaning his name and gasping every time he was fully seated inside of you. There was still the matter of his knot, but that was an afterthought to what you were experiencing right then and there. 

His hand at your abdomen slid down to toy at your exposed clit which only added to the mind blowing sensations you were going through. You tried to call out his name but all that came out of you were gutural gasps. Your mouth stuck in a perpetual “O” as he only added more and more pleasure for you. “Mmm… that’s a good look.” He murmured rubbing circles at your clit and starting you on another pass up and down his cock. “When we get all the way back down, I want you to cum, okay?”

You only nodded in reply, watching your body rise and fall in the mirror, entranced at how easily he moved you up and down his dick. As he wished, the moment the last inch of his shaft disappeared into you, you came, clenching around him and crying out as white hot pleasure exploded inside of you. You spasmed, wheezing and crying, not even noticing the door had opened at that moment to welcome yet another person to the party. 

Lucifer gaped at the sight before him. He licked his lips, unsure how to present himself. He knew you would be in a rather compromising position once he arrived to pick you up, but he didn’t expect this. The sight of you taking Diavolo’s demon cock inside of you, the way you were stretched right to your limit and writhing in his grasp sent waves of desire to his own crotch. He hadn’t planned on joining, but with how quickly he was getting hard just by watching you cum, he found himself unbuckling his pants and kneeling in front of you.

“You make me so proud…” He purred, kissing sense back into you and you squealed into his mouth. You were so enraptured with your own climax, you hadn’t noticed him come in at all. His hand laced itself into your hair, deepening the kiss and there was a deep, dark urge in him that he no longer could control. 

It was time to push you past every limit he had ever set.

“I want to see you break…” He breathed as soon as the kiss was broken and you were given a second to regain your bearings. 

Diavolo behind you let out a low whistle at that admission, his brows raised in anticipation of what Lucifer had in mind. He leaned back, getting himself comfortable and eagerly awaited what sort of plan Lucifer had to break you and put you back together. 

Lucifer ran his length up and down your stretched slit, coating his cock with your juices. “Move.” He demanded, glaring up at Diavolo and the demon lord obliged, going back to the slow, languid pace he had set for you earlier. Watching your pussy stretch and take so much cock only served to make him harder and that need within him grew once again. 

On the second pass, just as you were midway down Diavolo’s cock, you felt something else pressed into you, forcing its way in to join the massive dick that was already stuffed into you. Lucifer’s eyes glowed red as he pushed you past your limit and you swore you felt yourself splitting in two with how much you were being asked to take. Garbled sounds of protest spilled from your lips, but he persisted. As Diavolo continued to sink you down, Lucifer’s own cock joined in your hole and when you were once again bottomed out on top of Diavolo’s knot, you had somehow managed to take them both. 

“Good… very good.” Lucifer groaned. He rolled his hips into you, shoving himself even deeper in you. 

A soundless scream came from your voice as they went further and moved to add that massive knot into you. With Diavolo firmly pushing you down onto him, the motion only embedded Lucifer deeper into you. The widest part of the knot approached and you didn’t want to see how wide you had been split open by the two demons. You couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t think, all there was in your world was searing hot pain, pressure and pleasure mixed into one. 

And as the widest part slipped into you, the tie completed itself and your body no longer felt anything. As if your very soul had exited your body and you existed in a subspace in your mind. There was pleasure, yes, but there was an inexplicable fullness you couldn’t express. Your arms fell limp at your sides They would move soon, you knew that would be the case. Diavolo had already whispered something to Lucifer as you stared blankly at the ceiling, shutting out everything around you to simply experience what they were giving you. 

The movement at first was barely perceptible. Diavolo took charge, considering it was his knot you were taking. With the way Lucifer was crammed into your pussy, he was in no position to move as well. It was a slow rocking of his hips like waves crashing into a cliff. There was a ringing in your ears that tuned out all sound around you save for the frantic beating of your heart. The demon lord rocked his length in you, stirring that tell tale feeling of an orgasm building up in you.

You didn’t think you could clench around them, it was impossible with how full you felt. But the pressure of your climax demanded your muscles to do things you didn’t think you had the capacity to. Each little motion amplified itself, sending your mind into a blank bliss and you could tell the end was near. Your skin felt hot breath on it as the men neared their release as well. Blissfully, you heard Lucifer’s voice cut right through the hazy subspace. 

“Cum” 

You did as you were told, screaming until your voice was hoarse and when the high was over, all was black. 

~~

You awoke sprawled out on the seat of a limo. Your head on Lucifer’s lap. You tried to move but your muscles refused to comply. Lucifer gently pat your head, shushing you quietly. “You don’t have to move. It’s a long ride home.” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Rest for now…” 

“My.. My clothes..” You croaked, your throat as sore as your body and barely able to make many coherent sounds. 

“It’s okay, Diavolo let you borrow his shirt. It’s big enough to keep you decent.” 

A surge of relief washed across your body at that fact. Even if it was just a shirt, it would at least be better than having to get home in nothing at all. You looked up at Lucifer who seemed so pleased. There was a small, soft smile on his face as he ran his fingers through your hair and doted on you. 

You tried to move again, if only to find a more comfortable position and found that Lucifer’s blazer had been protectively draped over your body to keep you warm. The familiar scent of his cologne and musk slowly lulled you into a peaceful sleep.

“Did I do okay?” You asked before you were fully unconscious. 

“You did perfectly. I couldn’t have asked for more.”  He reassured. His hand continued to meditatively pat your head as the limo took the long way home, giving you as much time as possible to let you rest peacefully. 

Having taken the time to break you so thoroughly, Lucifer couldn’t wait to start the process of putting you back together as he wished. 

~~ Taglist: @ptv-hades @bluelipsblueveins-blue @utopiamiroh @vanillaicebaby @taehyungtrasholiviahaneul99

[koishua]

hi, vienna! im a new reader of yours and i absolutely find comfort skimming thru your pieces and even you energy you give off yourself sm 😔 as a succesful writer here on tumblr would u mind me asking what can u advice for ppl like me who's just starting to showcase our works? (help to i sound to formal at that part 💀) answer just when u feel like it tho!

and have a nice day/night btw!

hi piper!! i can't thank you enough for your vv kind words omg :( i'd just like to say that i can't consider myself to be a "successful writer" or any of the sorts, bc i just... idk it's hard to explain but i just write these little drabbles in my own little writing bubble haha (im very grateful for the support and encouragements though!!) so im not sure what sort of advices i should give you 🤧🤧

dw about sounding too formal haha it's very endearing imo :') anyways, moving on!! i saw that you were an enhypen writer btw and that's cool bc there are a lot of engenes on this site and there has been a drastic rise since the past few comebacks whoop whoop!! so you actually have a pretty wide audience to cater to now ☝️my biggest tips (i guess) would be creating a nice social circle. get to know people and let them know that you've arrived and you're here, in a sense. it'll make your blog more seen and you'll probably get more support on what you do if you interact (that's just how it usually goes)

most people here are very nice and easy to get along with, so im sure that won't be much of a problem 😽 it's best to be genuine, tho!! another thing i'd recommend is having creative, nice formats for your posts/works/fics or whatever you like calling them. your theme is super cute btw :(( ppl tend to gravitate to certain fics with layouts that appeal to their eyes! even im guilty of that 😔 we judge a lot based on the cover, you could say </3

also another point that i want to add is that you shouldn't overdo it and write too much in too little time :( that'll burn you out and you might eventually become unhappy with the results </3 just take it in a pace you're comfortable and okay with! i used to post stuff every single day for a while and now i haven't been able to properly write for months now (dealing with a very harsh writer's block rn everyone pray for my brain and motivation ;-;)

so yeah, that's the gist of it. everything will come in time and i hope you enjoy it here!! you have a great day/night as well <3

[neonwizardheehee]

personal rant & brain dump bc I’m listening to bigbang and feel emo:

so i have a few topics that are circling my mind thus this will get messy (as usual hahaha)

- music as I said I’m listening to bb and the way I wanna cry??? mainly bc i miss my sis talking about them and being all happy and proud.. and just her in general v.v I feel like i overdid her with kpop and that doesn’t feel good. i was supposed to be the baby but i got too invested and now i am so damn invested i scare her :((( it makes me so sad :( but idk how to stop.(current mood & playing: let’s not fall in love) 

 - romance the new girls i met here are so different from the friends i have bc they are extroverts. i never had extroverts as friends before so i feel blessed now. we only met recently but they already were so open to me about things no one ever told me. like 3/4 girls i met talked to me about their first time and BOI i was so glad that we casually talked about it bc my other friends wouldn’t do that in a million years bc they are too shy. it really felt good. also no one judged me which was very reassuring. albeit me feeling a bit dumb bc i couldn’t really add to the convo but apparently I get better at listening ig? also that made me think that sex and dating shouldn’t be such an “important” topic as it is with my friends before. one friend sees it as an achievement to have a s/o but doesn’t talk about it or either brags (kskssk giiirl that’s so funny yet annoying XD yes u can be proud of your boi and brag bc i’m here for that bc i’m just so happy for you but ... not at random moments XDD). this made me realize how ppl refer to their s/o when talking to others. bc my friends who are very chill with their relationship always say their name while said friend (and ofc some others where having a relationship is important) always say “my bf/gf” or “ex” when that specific info is not relevant to the story they are telling XD

anyways it also made me realize how BAD i am with talking about my own feelings and wishes. since talking about my worries feels like complaining and i am good at that - but it feels random and uninteresting for anyone to hear i think to myself (it prob isnt). i feel so smol when asked about that topic and all i wanna answer is “???”. even if there is no pressure. idk why I’m like this and it makes me feel sorry for the people around me :( I’m so confused and idk what the question is. i can do better with writing but idk why but i wanna find out one day hahah. maybe i should just ask my new friends for advice since they are not judging me and i trust them and want to learn to be better with that. altho there’s this thought that I’m uncapable of love which frightens me a lot. I know i’m okay without it and i don’t mind but i feel so sorry for the people who like me? it also might be natural and I’m just stressing myself over nothing so idk what to ask and do -since you can’t force love right? i mean i don’t really believe in love at first sight i guess but rather spending time with that person and liking them a lot. so id why I’m pressuring myself so much with this :( maybe i am just too scared? or maybe i am anticipating too much? it all could be possible bc for everyone love is different and every relationship is different. so it’s mostly me feeling sorry for not giving back as much as i should and could :( - that’s also the reason why I’m so pro polyamorus relationships bc I know I’m not enough and idk how and if i want to fix that bc idk the rules bc there are none hahhaha - but also that makes me feel good bc i know i’m not responsible for someone’s happiness. i am too egoistical and these thoughts work as a self-protecting mechanism I KNOW that’s why i do this. so i’m not stressing myself even more. i just feel so unfairly precious when someone genuinely praises me when we’re just two ppl and no one else :( might be bc i don’t understand that feeling yet. i def want to know that but also i’m scared that it’d take me down a road where i loose myself (for some foolish reason idk why). so in the end ig I keep trying and get used to that (i already made loads of progress this year so ig i shouldn’t feel like I’m being too slow)

- studying okay so next topic is also just me feeling like i do too few. this week went quite okay and i managed to study on out study server everyday (ofc i had my bad days but i still at least smth). well yesterday i hastily did some vocab and then teh whole day i spend with friends & kpop... like LITERALLY until the night. a friend of mine was proud of me for taking a break (me too yesterday) but today i don’t feel good about that :( i missed so much. i’m scared it’ll kick me out of my study routine (since it was so hard to get my ass down to study itself!). i really want to be the person who’s studying every day and feel good about that. so since i have another thing planned today i don’t think i’ll get much done today as well :(((( i just wanna be a wise guy who knows a lot T.T i already made progress i know but... i want more.. i really wanna do well here and not be stuck behind like i was for the past 6 years :( i wanna have ambition again and not just pass... i kind of hope i can manage to study at nights on days like this but also i need my sleep so i stil have to find a solution for that. bc even tho i regret not studying as much i don’t regret hanging out with people. that’s smth i missed out in my first semester and so important in times like this were I’m stuck on my own. 

- religion so i have one christian friend here and yesterday we talked about church services and stuff like that and it was cool learning how it’s with her bc she goes to a very modern church (instead of me going to a traditional one 4 times a year). Suddenly i got sad tho and felt like crying :( even tho she was just stating her opinion i felt attacked and wanted to cry. after some thinking i think it’s just the way we are used to talking about religion bc we both grew up in an area where religion is looked down onto. for me .. i turned to myself and made up my own thoughts and beliefs bc i am too scared to talk and ask someone about it bc of all the accusations around me. religion was not smth to be discussed and only smth for yourself and maybe your family for me. the girl had to fight her way through all the “churches are old and fucked up and scary” things and since she goes to a modern one has good reasoning against them - that’s perfectly understandable and I’m so proud of her for speaking up like that. but like... it hit me on thw wrong side bc i am used to these old traditions and kind of like them even :( so it felt like she was insulting me. even tho she wasn’t.  i just dont know how to talk about religion and how to practice reading the bible or praying and hearing her talk about how she does all these things.. makes me feel invalid :( it’s like the only thing that i have is that i was raised a christian. but y’know for me it was okay since i learned in school not to practice or show my religion.. so idk how to do it... and i feel baby and sad if i have to ask her for some reason. i tried to look up this on the internet but ofc everyone is even more crazily involved there and it scares me SO much. so i unfollowed everyone hahah. i also have this one podcast but i still feel bad bc i’m not able to really read the bible on my own ig :( these days I’m just blaming it on the translation that i have but deep down i know it’s me who’s not able to ask questions at the text. maybe i should try to talk to someone... my sis who’s also in the same situation as me... or said girl to take me along and feel like a complete newbie and a little bit like an outcast bc religion for me is so different than to her.

- christmas i really enjoy the christmas spirit but i also already wanna cry if i think about gifts. i hate that i have so many people i love and will prob get smth from them so i have to make smth in return. i am overwhelmed and scared already. i didn’t even make a list yet T.T feels like i should block time to figure out gifts in my schedule bc I’m just putting it off more and more :( and also i already feel sorry for everyone bc they will get shitty gifts bc I’m so bad at this :(

[anarchistbitch]

hihiiiiii

jhdskjahsd glad to see you enjoyed spy x family, it's so damn good, I would die for Anya, have some stuff i thought was great too dkjad

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cd FRaKvqQWM/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

https://www.instagram.com/p/CdFR aKvqQWM/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

im finally replying to eeeeeeverything so brace yourself lol

Simone Ashley real life disney princess?? Yes. couldnt agree more, HER EYES JESUS CHRIST HER EXPRESSIONS AHHHHH i admire anthony's strength and resolve bc i wouldve asked her to marry me right after that first meeting

i mean, daphne did try to interfere but her dumbass of a brother went and proposed to another girl, at that point they just had to let them be, it was a lost cause

i felt edwina's half sister right in my fucking gut, that one hurt so badly

i would guess that the carpet moved while eloise was throwing everythign around, but yeah, it was an awful scene to watch even tho we all knew shit was going to hit the fan eventually

did you get to finish watching cbaw??? at this point im a little confused as to what i had already replied and what i had yet to do so dksajhdjk sorryyyy

what book did emily remind you of?? ive been in a slump and im only now getting out of it by reading vermillion bird (i hope i dont jinx it by saying this cause rn ive only read one chapter ksdjf)

i watched shubh mangal zyada saavdhan a bit ago and it was so fucking hilarious, when kusum ran away with the jewels i could not stop laughing and had to pause the movie, that woman is seriously crazy, and ahhhhh the scene where aman and kartik are dancing before goggle's wedding was so much fun, i wanted to join in bc they just seemed to be having such a great time (ignoring papa Tripathi's homophobia) and the music felt so good too ahhhh it was great, so great

as of right now my friend and i are halfway through heartstopper and i just ahhhhh its so perfect oh my god, i do have to wonder why they decided to add imogen but im not too bothered by her, tao is such a drama queen and i love him bUT WHAT DID THEY DO TO WILLIAM GAO'S HAIR OH MY GOOOOOD NOOOOO my friend is fascinated by Tori (as she should be) jhfsjhf I refuse to believe that Kit Connor went to audition for Charlie, I just refuse to believe it, he literally looks like Nick was pulled out of the comic itself and he went to audition for Charlie??????

yoongi is such an icon and my inspiration in my life but i do have to laugh at him getting roped into these things jdhjdhksd gotta love him

idk if i asked before but are there any other kpop groups youre really into??

hmmm since you only watch anime youve been recommended, do you have a specific genre you prefer or just about anything?? also, have you heard of jujutsu kaisen and owari no seraph?? i think owari no seraph is a bit more low key but it's great, im def recommending them both as well as doukyuusei, that one is a gorgeous movie that i have probably watched a million times

hmmm, in the end this didnt really end up that much a monster of an ask so i wonder if i left out anything, do let me know please!

have a great day, eat plenty of delicious food and stay hydrated!!

tons and tons of love and hugs,

-M<3

hi hi HI first of all thank u for reccing sxf cause i LOVED it and i finished the manga today and i cannot wait for the animated scene where [redacted] happens

praying everyday for anya's back cause she has the biggest responsibilities more than anyone in the world[academia & world peace]

YOR & LOID!!! lowkey hope the author pulls an arc where they both find out what the other does but dont say anything so anya is just there like(←_←) (→_→)

i think one of the reasons i enjoyed s2 more than s1 was mainly cause the writing pulled a lot more inspiration from bollywood, like even the kabi khusie kabhi gham rendition??? lokwey showing off

also! i watched mina le's review of s2 and apparently the way mrs featherington is dressed is to show that shes from new money and doesnt have the "grace" of ppl from "distinguished" families 😒

and so many other things but i also watched a video about simone's makeup for the show and how the makeup actually looks good on dark skin instead of just looking like makeup and i thought that was neat

the half sister line was so gut wrenching but seeing edwina burst out in anger was kinda satisfying ngl. when rewatching the final episode i kinda realized that kate did always have the anxiety of being viewed as only a half sister and felt like she had to take care of everything to even be viewed as family

i like the character of theo but was fully expecting a queer romance line for eloise & penelope like i wasnt the only one who thought they were fully hinting at it??right??

im still putting off watching cbaw😭😭

emily reminded me of this one horror book called what moves the dead by t. kingfisher[i only read a bit but similar vibes yk]

duude my reading slump got so bad i ditched my goodreads challenge. ive been trying to get back on track but . life

YESSSS ANOTHER ONE FOR SMZS!!! smzs was so good right?? the train scene (the one where karthik helps aman board the train not them making out) is so fking iconic😌 another thing i loved a lot was the metaphor of the cauliflower for homophobia [like parents thinking that "saving" theyre kids from queer stuff is good for them but it causes more damage than they think]

heartstopper was literally the best like the montages , the flowers and leaves from the comics edited into it?? the cast?? the kiss in the rain?? yasmin finney[special mention cause her outfits were fire]

i fully believe that the hairstylist had some kinda agenda against tao cause what was that hair😭😭 /j

kinda wanna see kit connor's audition for charlie👀 and speaking of! charlie spring!! i looved joe locke's portrayal like thats charlie spring

ik that some stuff that idols say is to keep up their image but some of the stuff yoongi says doth impact me. like him saying that he doesnt want to rework songs because he has made peace with completions of projects is part of the process[im paraphrasing but its from the how well do bts know each other project]

bts is the only group that im a proper fan of like theyre the only group whose comebacks i tend to follow while im a general fan of other kpop groups if that makes sense? i'd love to have a few recs cause i usually only find songs from insta edits

just about anything! ive started both owari no seraph and jujitsu kaisen![put them both on pause for a while tho] u cannot tempt me away from vampire and fantasy settings lol oooh ive heard of doukyuusei and def moving it up my list!! thanks for the rec😊😊

guess the only monster thats gonna be here is the huge hug im enveloping u in then

ur wishes are too kind and i wish the same and more for u💜💜💜

love, hugs and everything cool(for the temperate and also swag😎),

yrs

[perfectionistincrisis]

Life these days

Days these days. I get less of the episodes. Episodes - being triggered by anything that makes me reminisce the past & makes me extremely depressed. I stay away from my family & if needed to communicate, im extremely harsh & cold. Sometimes i keep getting flashbacks, & my mind is so busy.

Other times i am just sad for no reason. There are no clear triggers and my head is empty but i feel the same pain and interact with ppl i.e. my family the same. But at night, when i go to bed, or everyone else is asleep,  i start crying out loudly! Almost all the time, I have no idea at all why im crying. I am totally clueless. But i cry loud enough to call it a scream & it pains just enough to shatter me into a billion tiny pieces. Very few of the times, there is actually something specific in my head that makes me cry out loud.

^ Yah all that.

That happens very less frequently now. Its been happening for 3 years now! But recently, and i mean veryyyyy recently like maybe within the past week or something, i am handling it way better. Its like i healed a bit. Although there is so much more of me to heal & i guess a little of me that will always remain broken.

There are many things i realized. And many things I witnessed.

One thing is how inhumane i have been with myself all these years. No one has tortured me more than I have done to myself. And i need to stop.

I realized how I am the one who gets tk decide ‘how much’ i am going to let any certain thing affect me. Yes. I get to decide that for myself. And the time has come, I need to let it not affect me at all. And i tried before too but this time i realized that i cant just sit and tell myself that from this moment nothings going to affect me & that will be it. No. It doesnt work that way!

I need to stand up for myself. I need to speak up for myself. And i need to fight back when needed.

Its like im in a battlefield & this is war.

Im on it on my own. No one will ever be able to help me. I need to be here for myself always.

To add to that, i realized that i seriously am on my own. I thought about it. There is no one i feel comfortable speaking to. The thing is, i have always been so aware of everything. Never let anyone see my weakness. Never trusted anyone. Never expected anything from anyone. I don’t let people in. I can not just certify someone as ‘close’. My family and him are the only ones who are close. But what i realized is, although I don’t talk to any of them about my problems, if i got a chance, i don’t think i ever really will be able to open up to any of them completely. With my family, well i think they’re close to me because of the blood. I mean my brothers, theyre still immature. My dad, well he lacks emotions. So nah id pass. And my mom.. Well, i dont think ill ever be able to be myself completely with her.. I just..idk i just feel like she’ll judge me.. I just dont want her to get any wrong idea of me as a person and sometimes we judge people way too fast. I am not that good at communicating face to face. ‘Speaking’.

I am much better at communicating when i get to sit and slowly write down what i have to say. And even worse, i dont even know to express myself in bangla. I mean even my duas when i pray to mg duas when im doing tawaf, its always in english. Thats what im comfortable using for communication so yeah. And with him, well i wasnt ever scared of him judging me. If speaking to my moms a 3/10 then speaking to him is a 9/10. But its just not 10.. That ‘1’ i missed out; there is still a fear of being judged.. More importantly, we dont talk now so its not an option anyways.

So i realized that im unsure Ill be able to completely open up to any of them because i feel like theyll start to think stuff, or theyll feel im just exaggerating it or theyll judge not me but the other people i talk about & mostly the people in my stories are these people who are close to me. I dont want anyone to think wrong of anyone else or anyone to get hurt listening to my feelings of how their involvement affected me.

So i realized that its safe to say I am in this on my own. I need to fight for myself. I also realized that I am more of a ‘cry baby’. I mean if i have problems i should just deal with it myself. Okay well thats what ive been trying to do all this time.

So many a times, i did get better, feel better. But then, out of the blue, there’s a flare up.

This time, inshaAllah, i hope there wont be.

Some things also happened recently, somethings i witnessed which im totally not sure about. Meaning, i dont know if theyll be saved in my head as something positive or negative. Ha ha ha. Yessss, thats the complexity of this whole shit matter. Theres an equal 50:50 chance of it being either one.but for now its positive for the bigger part with a pinch of negative that was there in the beginning.

If this wasnt me blogging but instead talking to him, id say thing 5 time more than whatever i just wrote down.

Life is fine right now Alhamdulillah. I get depressed very less often. Well i just wanted to point out that me being less depressed doesnt mean my lifes a party or im really really happy and all 24 7. Everyday is full of ups and downs and social media is mostly just for focusing on the ups.

But then nah, really, I mean deep inside my heart I am so thankful to Him. Theres this satisfaction; this firm belief that He will take care of me. He will help me and He will be their by my side always. And i need to stress on it that this belief in Him is really really really strong.

But that doesnt mean i dont stress. Cause man, i “over-stress”. I mean i need to do my part too. I need to do my best AND have faith in Him. But thaaaat is the thing. Whenever im ‘doing’ something, i just have to turn it into something stressful. Story of a perfectionist. Trust me its a burden.

Also, what brings the most calmness to my heart & at the same time also make me equally restless is how much i keep falling in love with him. More and more every second. I think of him all the time. I pray for him all the time.. And sometimes it feels so bad, i wish i could touch him.. And always, i find myself having no words to let it out.. But i take it as a good thing. I just worry though, always, of whether im doing something he wouldnt like. Its just not that obvious to me. I mean i hardly do anything ‘-’ but like i said, i overstress over every tiny thing so yeah.

So um, thats it.

P.S. also this post was a sudden decision and im having a bad headache so im not sure i was able to put things down nicely. I also didnt re read it but i just wanted to write down a general overview of how lifes been these days.

Its fine Alhamdulillah - had worse days. And praying for far better days inshaAllah ❤❤❤

I worry a lot about him though. I always keep thinking if everything is alright❤

tata for now :)

[kyandice]

(04/02/2017)

So my dad bought me a new watch ystd and it’s like a really nice watch and I like it a lot. He bought it online and yayyyy i really appreciate that he buys stuff for me and dote on me like that. But sometimes he srsly like just needs to let go a bit more and give me more freedom like omg I’m alr 18. Okay, the watch isn’t like anything branded but I’m not materialistic so I don’t mind cuz it actually looks pretty nice to me :D The last few times my father bought watches for me but I didn’t really like the design that’s why I stopped wearing it after a few days. But im really afraid that my father will be like sad thinking about how I might be materialistic as the watches he buys aren’t branded. But like I really didn’t like the colour and design sooo :((((

And I started Dayre ystd. I didn’t like really start on it. I just kinda read Wu Li’s entries from May last year all the way to today (she started writing in Dayre like last year May) It’s like a blog too but it feels more like an online dairy but okay whatev it’s the same lol. But like i don’t want to shift to like dayre cuz I’ve alr got Tumblr and I don’t want to change so yeaaaa. Anyways, Tumblr also allows the personalisation of your own blog to suit our own selves so I personally think it might be better than Dayre even if it might be harder to use.

FUCK I JUST ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE WHOLE THING. AND UNLIKE MICROSOFT WORD THERE ISNT ANY LIKE “GO BACK RECOVERY BUTTON” SO I HAVE TO FUCKING TYPE OUT EVERYTHING AGAIN?????

I didn’t go training yesterday and it was kinda stupid because I got caught in the rain while on the way back home and I had no umbrella so I gotta wait at Macpherson Mrt until the rain stopped and by the time I reached home it was alr 8;45 and it’s probably alr halfway through the training. When i got home I showered, eat and stuff by the time I started revising it was already 10.10 its like when training ends and I might as well go training lol. So ystd was damn unproductive I didn’t even do a single shit???

I’ve always wanted to be a captain or vice captain of something like idk. I’ve always wanted to be the captain of my Softball team but  I wasn’t really chosen because like lmao I have no leadership qualities??? And yeahhhh before Coach James announced the captain and vice-captain of softball I actually prayed that I would be chosen but hahahahaha. So like actually I was the rebel in softball I was the first person in the CCA to have a heated argument with coach James and I guess it actually matters. Like im the ace because of my skills but I definitely couldn’t be the captain because hahahaha like I said I had no leadership qualities, like really. Seniors be like making sure the Juniors wouldn’t slack and I will be there teaching the juniors how to like fake train and stuff lmaooo. The Juniors loves me but like I was kinda bad for them too HAHA. But apparently being a captain in softball back in secondary school and being captain in tkd in poly is like two different things. Back in softball, the captains didn’t have to do Admin stuff you see. Their job was just probably lead the team, that’s all. But for tkd there’s like so many admin stuff to do and I guess it’s a pretty tedious job. So when I heard that Daina or I was gg to be the vice-capt I was kinda glad like tbh. But the more I think about it, the more I feel that I would only like this position as a vice captain maybe cuz idk the recognition? If I’m given the responsibilities, I don’t think I would be responsible to deal and handle them appropriately. And tbh, i would really like to be the vice captain of something. I mean ive never taken up any leadership roles once in my life ever before. So it would rerally be pretty cool if i can be a vice captain of something.

So yayyyy the demo tea people are coming to my house tmr and I’m fucking excited. There’s like gonna be 13 of my friends coming to my house??!!!! That’s gonna be like the first I’m so excited. It would also be the first time Bryan is gna come to my house?? :D i really can’t wait for tmr I never had so many friends in my house and it’s gonna be fun I hope. Actually, I’m like vvv afraid it might be awkward? idk i have a feeling that it might end up awkward, then everyone will start using their phones and there wouldn’t be any f2f interaction then I’ll be so sad :((((

Okay, I’m like so distracted from really studying because i keep day-dreaming about the things I would do during the holidays and it makes me vvv excited until I can’t study at all. I’m alr very very very excited for the holidays. That means exams are over and I can finally enjoy myself. I have also so many plans for this holidays and it’s making me really happy whenever I think about my plans for the holidays.

So for the holidays, I would definitely find a job and work part time, and hopefully, their shifts are flexible so I can request to work for alternate days for a week. SO SO SO I wanna meet like Bryan duhhhhhh. Hopefully he has same job as me so like I can see him every day for the holidays hehe. I also wanna meet Geralyn, WuLi, and Yi Le. It’s been vvvv long since I last met all of them 3 tgt but yeahhh I wanna go shopping or idkkkk take cute photos tgt. I also want to spend more time with Jazlin, she’s a really cool person and like we don’t speak and meet out so often now a days. I also wanna like spend time with tkd people like they’re really cool and funny HAHA. Apparently, Bryan and I also planned to go to the zoo (maybe with his small sister) and to the beach too. I would love to take many cute photos with Bryan during the holidays idk I wna print them out too, if I had the money. I still wanna buy more clothes online tooo I’m outta clothes for school already. I’ve got so many things I would love to buy like idk all the lip products I want to collect different shades, so like I wouldn’t use the same old shade every day. I need a new foundation powder too, mine broke the other time, I think it still can be used but like I want a new one.

Oh yeah, and the day before this, Vincent asked me for sex again but I rejected him the second time. I’m like really proud but like actually, why would I even be proud. Like I mean I’m just being a proper human being so it’s nothing special like omg (shi wo gai zuo de). But tbh, vincent should stop this shit. like he knows i have a boyfriend and like HE HAS A GF TOO??? wyd girl wyd with him. Vincent is a nice friend but like he should seriously know when to draaw the line omfg.

(05/02/2017)

So yay the tkd demo ppl came to my house to like celebrate cny it’s like the first time I ever had friends to my house to celebrate cny with me yayy. It was like really fun ystd. It wasnt even a little awkward and it seems like everyone was enjoying the food and having fun too :D

(06/02/2017)

OH NO MOCK GRADING ON TUESDAY. I have to learn all from like blue tip to red help that’s four patterns I must know very very clearly. and there’s like cpes i have to study. cepp assignment which i need to complete fuck. i wna kms like rn

[celestialallstars]

Episode #2: “also I’m lying about being vegan” - Bryce

So the vote off was okay. I was slightly worried it was going to be Alyssa.

For the challenge I sat out. I hate sitting out. It makes me feel nervous because I can know if they are trying their hardest or not. I hope we can win because i dont want to go to tribal. The good thing is that I think I may be social good in my tribe.

I've done more reflecting and like I think I need to just count on a good swap. While I do enjoy this tribe I have to be prepared for worst case scenario. I do think perhap I jumped the gun a little with the alliance stuff on my tribe though I at least trust a few people around here. Kori and Bryce are cool yet it is interesting seeing perspectives from Stephen and Jared, the latter of which has admitted to feeling weary about the other. Still I find that Cyrena is my blindspot. I talk to Rhys, Alyssa, Mo, and Jack here and there but I am thinking about trying to get deeper connections. Hmm we will see!!

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I'm just running Loris' chance of finding an idol lol so far despite talking up a storm we have succeeded in having the same idol hunts lol communication is our strong suit.

I really hope we win, if we lose and I did the worst... I’m gonna be devastated... I’m hopeful we can pull through. Also real quick my dumbass took the time to write chrysanthemum for a flower category.

KARTHIK GOT BOOTED I REPEAT KOMNATA TOOK A HIT AND HE DRAGGED ANNA!! SHES A KRADHAKA!! (if thats a slur im so sorry i do not know NNNN). anyway. category is IS my comp but I SURELY FLOPPED!! BYEE!! i got 58 last season i got 99 like bokay lol

anyway this isnt my actual confession for the round but WHEN ALYSSA CALLED ME AND TOLD ME TO NOT TRYHARD COMPS IT REALLY HIT DIFFERENTLY HUH!! IVE BEEN FLOPPING

also i feel like my tribe hates me oh well they can eat my pussy n call me the winner :p

Im so nervous. I dont want to go to tribal. Im really scared. Kinda.

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This really sucks. Dont think i would have helped. It just sucks we have to vote someone off now. Im kinda nervous.

SO! My alliance searching has gotten off to a very strange start. I started by approaching Jared, someone who I've spent a lot of time talking to and seems like he'd be very useful to my game in the long run. I wanted to make a 4-person alliance with him, Mitch, and Kori. He didn't want to pull Kori in though, because he's apparently close with Bryce. So, whatever, I'm not gonna complain, three person alliance is still decent.

Almost immediately after I finish settling that deal, KORI comes to me saying he'd like to make an alliance. The initial idea he proposes is with Me/Him/Bryce/Rhys/Mitch. This is fine too! Being a part of more than 1 alliance sounds like it could be a good time assuming we don't go to too many tribal councils. SO I said yes.

Of course, I wanted to avoid this whole situation blowing up, so I go to talk to Mitch about it so he knows what's up and hopefully keep him from thinking I'm a two-timing mfer. He's okay with the idea but wants to stay loyal to our alliance with Jared. Fine. Totally fine. A little dicey if we have to vote more than 1 person out, but it should keep people from talking about getting rid of me for the time being.

This is where shit gets BAD.

Kori talks to Rhys and Bryce about this group, and apparently RHYS told him he'd prefer to have Jared instead of Mitch. What the FUCK RHYS? I ALREADY TOLD MITCH! LMFAO

Jared wants to tell Mitch about it, which is uh... fine. BECAUSE HE ALREADY KNOWS BECAUSE OF ME AHHHHHHHHHHH!

If Maynor is voted out everyone on the tribe is gonna know about this alliance I'm shook. I wanna get Rhys out a little bit now. He has enough sway over Kori to get him to change his mind on this hours later. But how the FUCK am I gonna pull that off if there's only 6 of us? Whatever, that's down the road. Hopefully we'll win the immunity challenge and not have to worry about this.

SO I’m really freaking out about how bad I did on the tribal what the fuck! But whatever I can work my way out of this, I think I’ve connected well socially to the other tribe members and they’ve all done so well maybe I’ll be carried thorough but I’m incredibly worried GAH

So I've got my alliance of 5 together, and timing could not have been better because we unfortunately lost the challenge... which sucks this'll be my first premerge tribal in Celestial history.

I'm praying that I've got the baseline connections that I needed to get a Maynor Boot out of this tribal since the idea of a winnergeddon is pretty depressing.

I've got the vote reveal that I found too which is pretty cool but also fundamentally not something I know how to use in any productive manner to help my game. Just a fun thing I can do during the season provided I make it to merge to make it do the most it can.

I'm honestly pretty nervous, I've been trying to be lowerkey in the way things have gone down. I'm hoping that I've at least made the social connections and contributed enough to the tribe that they want to keep me, and nothing meta like Kori's a winner is gonna kill me immediately.

IM SO SAD UGHHh like not to be ott but i hate my tribe so much KJHFASDKJFHA  like how come they cant do good at any challenge its literally just naming some categories u could use google how do u not do much just GOOGLE KJAFHSDJ like AND ITS SO ANNOYING i dont wanna be 2nd boot thats so ugly and its like ppl dont give me a chance. mitch literally just doesnt respond to me like how do i play around that and yet he cant even go this round bc stephen loves him and so does jared like idk how hes just so frustrating i want him OUT. and ppl thrown out maynors name and yaa hes inactive and doesnt talk to me but still i know he doesnt hate me like mitch does and will actually reply to me when i msg him. jared my king but he FLOPPED THIS CHALLENGE JKASDFHKASHDFKJ but i forgive we all have bad days. also im lying about being vegan yaa

Phew! I was far too nervous for this challenge. I was feeling sick and all and had lost all hope but to see we kept immunity by a few points makes me feel good about our chances! Hoping none of the people I talk to on Tuatha go but I have to prepare for one of them to go sadly.

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Honestly I kinda hope it is Maynor who goes only because I talk to him the least. It sucks but I have to try and keep as connected as possible. Kori and Bryce are givens but Steph and Jared are like priority! Rhys and Mitch I am gucci with a little bit so it leaves Maynor...we'll see though!

WE’RE SAFE BEEEEEEEEECH IM SO HAPPY.

I would of been fine with coming in second but when I saw we came in first I got so excited. We were rewarded with a bunch of animals and I picked the alpacas in which I got nothing, but oh well. I hope I can manage to stay safe from now on.

Okay, day 6. Not sure what I said in my last confessional. So sorry for repeats?

So, me and Bryce are potatoes and love each other and cemented the Supddies duo. So right now he is my closest ally. Since this challenge started I've been worried about loosing, so I've been trying to a grasp on this tribe. So far, it *seems* everyone is good with me. However would they tell me otherwise, probably not.

So I want to push an alliance to keep me and Bryce safe. So I approach Jared and say we should make one and he agreed , but we didn't quite make one. Anyway fast forward like 2 hours, Kori approaches me saying he wants an alliance between Bryce, Mitch, Stephen, Himself and myself. I say sure whatever, cause this is survivors and I'm not turning nothing down. I express concern for Mitch though as he leaves both me & Bryce on read alot?! So he changes him out with Jarred. Which is awesome.

So currently, we are going to tribal. I'm in an alliance of 5, and within that 5 I feel like I'm in a unofficial 3 of me Bryce and Jarred. So that leaves Maynor and Mitch up for tribal. Some reason people like Mitch? guess hes not leaving them on read huh. So people want Maynor out. I'd prefer Mitch, but there isn't any point in pushing a vote this round as Im still in a strong place.

so here is my customary "must have a conf in before the round is over" conf. idk not a lot has seemed to have happened since my last one. Karthik left which was obvious and then it made sense why bodhi was being shady cause he couldn't fucking vote LOL. ugh the memories <3. and it wasn't even MY vote from marmoreal it was justin's from wakea LOL.

jack, alyssa and i are a tight 3 it seems like. we are sharing idol clues and just generally having a merry old time. Mo and I are also getting along really well, we are definitely vibing and i don't want him to go any time soon. Tobi i already new previously so there is a relationship there already, but i'm trying to overcome that and i want to start talking game with him soon. Bodhi, to me, is still a bit of an enigma. I still don't really know him that well, which is weird cause we've talked a bit. idk, when he do speak there isn't a lot of substance and its just slightly off putting. i also know him and alyssa have spoken a bit cause he told her about the doors on the middle branch so im watching on that.

the rest of the cast i seem to be getting along well with. I'm definitely putting less time into talking to them because previous org experiences tell me that tribe first, then OW. Rhys, Chloe and Michael i all love. Zach and bryce too, but i know there is a friend group in them and tobi so i would like one of them gone before a merge situation for sure. I find kori kinda annoying, you can definitely tell he's doing the rounds talking to everyone. Chris and Mitch i still don't really know either.

Idk maybe i'm not taking this as seriously as i should but like as i said coming into this, i've already proved myself in S4, so i don't need to go mad this game trying to prove myself. i'm taking a more laid back approach, which might come to bite me in the ass so who knows what it will do to me looking ahead.

So I have a plan to possibly use Chloe's not wanting an alliance to my advantage should we swap with majority...essentially I sell to people how I wanted to work with other people and start an alliance with, say, Zach and Loris. Though when Chloe was asked, she rejected it. As a result, this cause a rift to form in that it left mistrusts and sides to form and then Wallace, no united tribe! Only downside is this being one world so somebody can go to Chloe and tell her this....what to do what to do

IM SO AHHHH WOOH JARED FINDING IDOL SO HAPPY im so sad tho bc like he wont votemitch so maynors going i just know this is a bad idea but w/e at least having jared have the idol gives me a little more confidence

So in regards to this idol messiness, I've talked with Stephen, Kori, Jared Zach, Loris, and all. While some did make it weird, the last two I've been talking the most as far as info and it has been rad because we talk about things that others tell us. But last night Loris and I told each other where we can go before to avoid us going to the same places again. WELL this morning I told him where I went and found nothing. He told me that he'd go to mid branch and do Mitch because he never played his idol and I'm like ok makes sense. Now he avoided the question when I asked if he had anything but was talking just fine before it so now I'm like oh okay...is this an idol finder? I guess I'll see but if it is then good for him I guess LOL still I have a suspicion but maybe I am overreaching

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I just realized Loris in fact did send a message about his response to the idol so I guess I'm a fool...but it was still missing exactly where he went so I wont let him off that easy!

lol nvm! Chloe said it was too early for an alliance so that flopped. so that scares me bc I feel like chloe has the power to be close with everyone to the point where even if anyone tried to get her out people wouldn’t want to do it... yikes.... I’m slightly excited for a swap? I’ve barely spoken to jack kori and alyssa and me and maynor haven’t messaged each other once NSMDMDMFMFFMFM... but on the other hand I’m close with bodhi , Jared, Bryce and probably other ppl I’m forgetting so I mean the chances of me being utterly fucked aren’t that high...

I dont know if im paranoid or what. But im having a bad feeling. I feel like I may be a target but if people are saying voting for someone who is ‘inactive’. If thats the reason i may be target then its a lie cuz ive been talking to my whole tribe. Im really nervous mostly because dont wanna let the hosts down for picking me to come back.

My sheer power won us immunity and I will not accept any other description. 86 fucking points yall i was NOT going back to tribal again. Alyssa Matt and I are collabbing on an idol search for the bridge but someone is apparently beating us to it? I'm kinda confused but also don't try to worry about idols that much. I feel like I'm in a good spot in this tribe between my trio and Bodhi, but he is admittedly hard to read lately. Mo is very sweet I'd love for him to stick around and Tobi has kinda dipped a little bit. All in all glad i'm immune for once, final 19 baby!!

Rhys has told me that the target is Mitch tonight. Im still kinda scared that itll be me but Jared also confirmed the Mitch vote. Unless they are both playing me hard (i hope not) then Mitch is suppose to be leaving. Going to try and talk to Bryce, Stephen, and Kori and hopefully its true. Dont want to leave this early.

So me and Jared chatted and thought hey let's make a chat for friends and just use it as such! I honestly would love it but also it's like beneficial for me if it can be an alliance. Three Kings is already nice but we needs some protection and even if it's just Loris and Jared, something is better than nothing!

SOOOO we are going to tribal! Before i get started on that, I want to talk about my relationships. I really like Jared and I tell him pretty much everything. He is my number 1 as of now. Stephen is my number 2, but he also tells me everything. Stephen decides to form an alliance between us 3, not knowing that Jared and I are closer than he is to either one of us. Jared and I made it to the end of the bridge only for someone else to beat us to it. How AGITATING. Me, being the social god that I am, got crucial information from Stephen that Kori wanted to create an alliance with me bryce himself and stephen so I should watch my DMS. Funny thing is, Kori never contacted me ONCE about an alliance; even when I saw him online throughout the day. Turns out, Jared REPLACED me in the alliance and now its a 5 person alliance with everyone except me n maynor (love that for us!!!). This got me thinking, RN maynor is the easy boot because of his activity, but what if we blindside the Kori/Bryce duo. Then I realized I don't have time today to cause chaos in the vote, so I'm gonna just let Maynor bite the bullet and hope we never return to tribal council. If we do, the vote will likely tie 3-3 the first go around and then maybe rocks? It'll be interesting for sure. Stephen and Jared both have been telling me everything in this alliance Kori created, so I am pretty sure they are both more loyal to the alliance with me. I'm kind of hoping we swap soon? I've been building solid relationships with Drew, Michael, Bodhi, Tobi, Mo, and others.

In a miraculous turn of events, I sat out of the challenge and my tribe is still immune! They tried hard to lose though.

Maynor is probably leaving, I'm sad but I haven't told him. If he hasn't been putting in the effort to connect with his tribe enough and they're calling him inactive, I'm not gonna be able to fix that in two hours, and if it gets out that I told him, it's only gonna fuck me up down the road. We're hosting a season really soon anyway that probably would have started casting while this season is going. I'll take a little distance from that to find my footing here.

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https://www.npr.org/2019/09/11/758080813/come-from-away-tiny-desk-concert

Also watch this. Hosts now, everyone else when confs come out

Ok karthik went. This is boring. Hope Kori and Jared are safe. Crazy stuff is probably happening this round but do I care? Maybe. I haven’t decided. As long as I’m safe I’m just here for the social game until merge.

Then it’ll be Big Move Bodhi >:).

I’m immune again tonight yeeehaw. I fully thought I’d fucked it and I got the lowest score on the challenge but also I was sick so I’m gonna blame it on that. This new feeling of being immune in celestial is kinda the best feeling so I’m a happy chloe rn and I love my tribe and I love this cast and I love one world and everything is good and nice

So i'm just. so. relieved. that we didnt have to go to tribal after last one... i think that vote has been the earliest vote i've ever received in an org... all bc of his nasty annoying bitter ass... not over previous beef which is super minor and I SHOULD BE THE ONE WHO'S BITTER OVER IT... but i wasn't and he was and he went from a winner to first boot so he can suck it. i just realized i haven't guessed for idols for the last 3 openings... love being in pst where i'm confused all the time... but anyway i heard from jared that maynor is leaving and he's one of the few people in the cast of whom i have zero connections with so i'm not too pressed about it tbh... even though i've heard he's super sweet but we haven't talked yet... i think... i'm honestly like a little terrified if we go to tribal again because i really don't feel like i have much pull in my tribe even though i've been trying hard socially its just been so flat... idek what more to do bc i already got a vote last tribal and if we go again i have no idea what's gonna happen UGH I HATE THIS!!! im so nervous all the time and i feel like im on the outs so i hope i can survive till swap so i can get something solid going on... this tribe is too straight for me

One hr left and still so nervous. People stopped talking a while ago. Im hoping it stays on Mitch. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. why I’m PAN-icking. Just need to trust the bonds i made with my tribe.

Okay I really think I'm making a comeback! I've kicked my socializing into another level after being so MIA. So far I've done well in the challenges which makes me an asset to the tribe. And I've been trying to talk with EVERYONE. I get a long really well with Zach, Michael, and Chloe on my tribe. And I love Drew but I know he always tries to make a 4 man alliance and he hasn't mentioned one to me so I think I may not be part of his plans, we'll see. On the other tribes I get on well with Matt and Jack and Tobi, I love those boys. I'm hoping to maybe make an alliance with everyone I mentioned, but I have to play it safe for now. Can't come in too hot.

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Maynor is voted out 6-1.

[hellotvv]

Can’t Assume Things About Ppl

Well, it’s been an interesting past two weeks. Something I learned though, is it’s crazy how you can’t really assume things about ppl.

It’s easier to say all that I want to say, and honestly it’s kinda tiring to recap it all in writing sometimes. But this is probably a pretty important lesson that I should keep in mind for the future.

Was fairly interested in Amandi and it seemed like she was kinda cool. Just kinda tho, since we didn’t really have that many similar hobbies. She works two jobs and works prettyyy often. So she seemed like a pretty hard working girl. She tries not to eat out too often as well, to save money. So yeah! She has nice friends like Chloe and Michelle, and they are pretty nice ppl. I know Chloe more personally obviously, and Chloe is honestly really nice. From stalking her fb photos, it seemed like she was kinda nerdy or had fairly nerdy friends in HS. Then in her ig, she has an eh looking ex bf, and he didn’t look like a fk boi or anything. She also doesn’t party too often, and seemed fairly nice from our interactions. 

Turns out, oh boy do I not know her at all. Well, it makes sense, given that I’ve only known her for like 2 weeks LOL. But thankfully, Chloe sat down and talk to me. Essentially story went like this, been casually talking to her/flirting with her, and stuff. I was worried at first I seemed like a thirsty boy when asking her to hang and flexing my beanbag chair and tv that’s good for watching shows together. So I was like oh fk, gotta show off my nerdy side, so I don’t seem like a fk boi. Also I should just chill on it and only ask her to like idk eat or something normal, and she was super down. Also, since it seemed like she was a hardworking frugal girl that cares about idk how much she spends, I should try to not seem boujee or rich or spoiled or entitled idk. So I was gonna go on the in n out date, and then I told chloe about it, since she casually trying to wingman me. Then she tells me, ohh that was me? I was like ?? she told me that amandi told her that a dude that likes her is taking her to in n out. I was like ooh? I mean I knew she knew that I like her, since I told chloe that I thought she was cute and figured she would tell amandi ofc. But anyways, Chloe tells me she needs to tell me something important in person. I was like ??? wondering what it was, and she told me she had to tell me before going to in n out with Amandi. So I was like okie, i can meet u on campus in a bit. I did ask if it was another guy or something, but she told me no no. i was like ooh okie, I wonder what it could be.

So I met up with Chloe on campus, and oh boy would I have never really guessed the news. So Chloe is going to be Amandi’s housemate next year and are good friends with her. She said she fells bad about saying these things about Amandi, since it feels like she’s talking shit. But basically, she first asked me if I was gonna treat Amandi to in n out? I was like, uh yeah probably, just to seem like a nice guy you know. Then she was like ooh, she was expecting you to. I was like ??? I thought in my head, weird i didn’t specifically say it was a date or anything, and I was even potentially inviting chloe and michelle too. But I did think it seemed kinda entitled of her to think I would, but whatever I can brush it off. Jessica, Fyona and Brent immediately went wtf too, when I told them that she expected me to pay for her, and they were ilke but u didn’t even say it was a date when u first asked. Anyways, I asked chloe, oh was that the important thing u were gonna tell me? Then she was like oh no, and explains that Amandi has a history of like hanging out with dudes she doesn’t find out, since she knows they’re gonna treat her to like dinner or something. I was like wow O_O... Chloe explains that she doesn’’t know if it applies to me or not, and kinda flattered me a bit by saying that I’m good looking, but she doesn’t know if Amandi thinks I am as well and she doesn’t really know Amandi’s intentions. Then she tells me even more worst stuff about Amandi omg. :( I was so surprised, since idk Amandi didn’t seem like that type of girl. She explains that Amandi even once kinda put out, since this dude that she didn’t even like was gonna buy her a rave ticket/concert ticket. I was like holy fk.. O_O... She explains that Amandi once told her that her ideal guy is like a rich cantonese sugardaddy basically. I was like oh my,.. Then she explains that uh Amandi is the type that expects her bf to pay for everything. I was like damn, I totally don’t like that. Like I am the type to show that my SO means more than money and treat them out, never ask for gas $$, and spoil with small/big gifts depending on circumstances. But to EXPECT your SO to do those things is legit just entitlement and weird that it’s even an expectation lmao. Like I understand wanting your SO to do nice things once in a while or periodically show that hey they care about u more than $$ and etc idk, but to expect your SO to always pay for you/spoil you, then dang... I guess it kinda makes sense why she cares a lot about money, since it doesn’t seem like she wants to spend her own $$ and prob doesn’t mind spending other ppl $$. But I generally assume ppl who work two jobs are the type that idk value $$ but not in that way? Anyways, Chloe tells me that Amandi even didn’t pay one of their mutual friend for gas $$ when asked, and Chloe still upset about that since it’s her friend. But yeah, she was telling me that honestly the fact that idk I have a single room and seem kinda balling, is actually probably a turn on for Amandi lol... But Chloe just wanted me to know kinda what type of person Amandi is, so I know what I’m getting into. Chloe also explains that, she fells bad talking about her friend like this. But Chloe hears stories from Amandi obv about what she does to those dudes she doesn’t find cute and just kinda use them for dinner/etc etc since she knows they think she’s cute, and she obv doesn’t know them so she cant tell them. But she knows me, we’re friends, and going to beyond together in a big 8+ person group. So she just thought I should know. I was like wow, thanks for telling me, and I really appreciated it like honestly... I asked Chloe what I should do and if I should even take her to in n out still lmao. Chloe told me that I could and just not pay for her and see what happens lolol (brent and fyona also suggested this later funny), but Chloe says she doesn’t know what Amandi’s intentions are and maybe Amandi is genuinely interested. But she just thought I should know basically who Amandi is and doesn’t mind what I decide to do, it was just important that I know.

I guess the thing is, I was more surprised and shocked. Since I actually never met a girl that’s like that, that kinda just uses ppl shamelessly, and etc. Also, I never would have guessed honestly. Like I originally thought omg maybe i seemed thirsty for suggesting to watch shows together, when I really just wanted to watch shows and converse, not netflix and chill. So i tried to correct it, and I tried not to seem boujee and rich/entitled/spoiled/etc. But it turns out, I prob should be doing those things lol... and probably could easily get her to put out. But obviously, I wouldn’t do that, since that’s not me. Also I honestly wouldn’t really wanna be friends with a person like this, and definitely not dick them down if they’re a terrible person. I guess just shocked? Since it definitely seemed like she’s not that type of person based on idk friends (great sweet friends), seemed hardworking, and etc. But I guess you can’t really assume things about a person, and imagine I somehow dated her or even some other dude that dates her. Unless she or Chloe does tell the dude/me, I would have NEVER KNOWN. Like it’s crazy to think that a future gf that you love/cherish, could be someone that just using you for idk food/gifts/etc etc O_O... Like doesn’t she feel bad at all???? Maybe she justifies it somehow, but that’s so crazy and scary to think about.. Like I’d feel bad whoever opens their heart and become emotionally vulnerable and really care about her, only to maybe find out or even never find out she’s the type of girl that would literally put out for just concert tickets regardless if she finds them attractive or not... Like damn... I’m not even sad or anything over this, since I barely knew the girl for 2 weeks, and only thought she was kinda cute. I’m just surprised like I keep saying, since I’ve never really encountered this type of situation/person. 

It just goes to show how many interactions with another person may just be in your head. Like I assumed oh seeming boujee/thirsty is bad, but ironically would have been good lmao. Maybe not good for dating, but I guess ‘getting’ the girl. Also it’s hard to assume what type of person someone is even based on the ppl they surround themselves with, her exes, fb photos, what they look like, and how diligent they seem.

Overall, not sad, very very surprised, learning not to assume things about ppl, and wonder how hard is it to really get to know someone then? o.o... Since really, like you could date this girl and probably never know unless one of her friends or her tell you... Kinda crazy and scary... I’ve learned some valuable lessons at least... Don’t assume things about ppl, try to be as objective as possible I guess and try to find out more about them from what other ppl say about them rather than what they tell you/how they seem on social media/etc (i guess pray their friends don’t lie for them too?), and it’s honestly better to just date by becoming friends, then best friends tbh. 

I mean, everyone prefers their own way of dating. Like I’m sure some ppl don’t mind meeting their SO through like hitting on a girl at a party, going on a couple dates, and then blah blah end up together a while later. But I realized that I really prefer the friendship route, since I don’t have to worry about impressing someone, I’d be myself and if they like me for me, then yay and it wouldn’t be them liking me based on idk the mask/face/soley whatever good side I try to show them to impress them. Honestly I stay pretty true to myself even then, but still I like knowing that hey I’ve been friends with this person for a long time, they prob know a good amount about me, and genuinely somehow manage to have a crush on me/like me enough to want me to be a SO/romantically. Also chances are, if I approached Amandi as just a friend and not you know to hit on her, maybe in like months time I’d find out by her telling me or idk after being friendzone that she uses dudes LOL and I could be like whew dodge a bullet from being friends, and then idk. Idk where I was going with that, but kinda makes sense in head, but yeah she prob would still never tell another guy idk. God bless Chloe tho. But yeah, for me, friendship > dating seems best method generally. Many lessons learned, and surprised.

Will prob follow up with the conclusion to Amandi story. But she doesn’t know I know, and she still snapchats me/talks to me quite a bit, and even asked me when are we going to in n out lol today... Lol. Still want to reexplain, regardless of her intentions, even if she genuinely is interested in me for whatever reason as a person or from my looks or idk, I still am not interested anymore. Since she’s a terrible person, would make a terrible SO, and I don’t want to associate myself with ppl like this lol,.. I would not even contemplate dicking down an attractive girl, if she’s a terrible person. Since idk personal morals, and not too interested in hooking up with ppl tbh.

[worldofsurvivortibet-blog]

EPISODE 1 (Part 1) - “I'll be sharpening my knife just in case” - Eddie

JULIA RAE

im gay

TRYSTEN

The Cheshire Cat is back again

ELENA

Ok it is only like 15 minutes into the game so I don't have anything to say but I love you Jay! So I am making a confessional <3

EDDIE

Im y'all putting me on a tribe with Jaiden who I have not talked to for months and who is in general probably the messiest org player you will find on the planet. I'm in vermont right now in at an inn with shitty service so I'm definitely ready to be booted out of this thing pretty quickly. But I'll be sharpening my knife just in case I can somehow make it a swap.

DARIAN

This season I'm going to write actually decent confessionals. At least I hope! This tribe is pretty lit and the people are so nice!  I obviously haven't had a lot of time  to get to know everyone but I cant wait! I really think this is going to be a great season!

JAIDEN

I'm actually pretty content with the tribe I got placed on, because I only know Eddie. I could probably use that to my advantage but I don't know if he likes me so... good luck to me. I like playing in games where I know very few people but I am definitely a little worried about Keyonjay being on the other tribe because he will probably go out before I ever swap onto the same tribe as him, and that lowkey sucks. I'm also SUPER concerned about Ting Ting because I hear she's a huge threat and she and Seamus are like, dating IRL or something so hmm. Gonna keep that on my radar.

DANI

Five minutes in and I already hate my tribe, there isn't really anyone I can put my trust in, we better not lose the first immunity challenge, I'm not leaving first again...

CHRISSA

um I hope i am okay in this game idk these people too well and I just hope i can stay a while I fucking hate not knowing the cast before but whatever can i just say I love Jay and that is all.

CARSON

Our tribe is really talkative... which is horrible for me bc im not asdfghjkl. Oh well we have a lot of comp beasts on out tribe so we should be good.

ACE

I've never done this in a game before but let me do a little cast assessment. First let's start with my tribe, Namtso! Jared and I have a lil history in games where I always always always get him out somehow someway. Who knows if he'll trust me! I LOVE KENDALL, nuff said. I have no idea who all the others are but I hope I can make friends with them and have them not vote me off n stuff. In Kailash, I already have Carson added but idk them that well. I love Chrissa and I hope we both make merge or swap on a tribe together and be besties. Dani can go! I love Elena I hope we can acc work together earlier this time than I did in Pompeii. I'm not sure about Seb, he literally just evicted me as hoh in another game rofl. Everyone else idk but I hate that I know more ppl on this tribe than my own tribe. I guess I gotta get talking huh? The last tribe with the unreadable buff has Matt and Trysten. Matt's my fellow furry and Trysten is also semi-furry so I hope they can survive. As for Jaiden, FUCK him I hope he gets out before I even have to deal with his ass. And again idk everyone else.

JAIDEN

Two confessionals in one night? Not surprising. I was really excited to have a non-messy tribe but for some reason, I'm put with two fellow normal people and four confirmed freaks. I don't even know who Johnny is yet but he's literally looped in with those weirdos until further notice. Let's do a quick cast assessment of my tribe, which I forgot its name already because ? flops only. EDDIE - Y'all really did this to me, huh? Eddie hasn't spoken to me since BEFORE October because that's the furthest our chat history even goes. It's me sending messages and him not responding and it's literally the most disappointing thing ever because now I have to work with him in order to exterminate the furries and dildo freaks of this tribe. He's a nice guy and I will only allow him to stick around premerge because he is also a huge threat and a bigger backstabber than I am. JAIDEN - flop JOHNNY - He is not here yet but I think he'll be cool to talk to later on I guess, because we're the same age but he seems more "put together" and like he has legitimate goals in his life. But he's also a college student so I don't expect him to be around much, so I just want to work with him until there is no more need for him if he truly is an inactive person. JULIA - Honestly? She's fucking annoying already lmao SORRY IF UR READING THIS but she talks about dildos and getting fucked in the ass by furries and it's just like... calm down. It's day one and she's already said about 500 things and it's 500 things too much. Definitely bottom of the tribe so far lmao. MATT - He IS loud and cocky and I think he's going to try really really hard to be the Tyson-esque villain this season, so he's also my least favorite because he is not going to be genuine or good at this game. He could go. TING TING -  She's sweet so far but she's really hard to talk to because her answers are so short and they can end a conversation in a second. I feel like she's the only person I like at the moment and that sucks so much because damn, she's not easy to talk to. I'm hoping that we have to go to tribal council first though and pump some of those strategic juices into the tribe because I feel like she'll open right up if that's the case. TRYSTEN - Okay I immediately want him to be first boot because he's the most annoying but in subtle ways. He's like "SOMEONE ALREADY THINKS IM AN ALT" and like well, maybe because you're so adamant that you aren't??? Like shut up. And he's saying that Dani is his sister or something in his cast intro and literally no one cares, but you're just a freak thats putting a huge target on their back for no reason. Anyways...enjoy being the only person to get 21st place in this series :o FLOP! So yeah, there's my cast assessment for this tribe. Hopefully I can fall into an alliance and not get first boot from this horrific tribe, but it could probably be worse on the other side. Wish me luck, and tell the VL to suck my left nut! xoxo

KEYONJAY

I really like my tribe a lot. I have a really good feeling about Nicholas, that he could be a strong ally down the road. Kendall is hilarious, I'm vibing with her pretty well. I've had a short conversation with Amanda. Ace is a fucking amazing artist, and newlyf is cool even though I don't even know their real first name and they haven't messaged me back lol. I like everybody so far and I'm making a conscious effort to get to know everybody unlike in my other games where I would wait for people to come to me. Maybe it's the power of the meesh avatar, but I really hope my social game is better this time around. Y'all wrong for making this the first challenge tho @hosts.

MATT

So I just wanna make a SHORT rant on how I feel about my tribemates. Eddie: Eddie my fellow Gorlley. You're cool and I hope we do get to work together moving forward here. Jaiden: Bruh, you're funny and you also seem cool af. Let's pray my opinion on you doesn't change Johnny: Why u no active? Julia: I really feel like you might become one of my best friends here. You're really cool to talk to Matt: You sexy monster you. *winks* Ting Ting: Just like Julia, you really might become one of my best friends here. Trysten: Stop lying about being an angel, I can see right into your soul.

KEYONJAY

So I really wasn't gonna do the day one alliance thing, but Kendall proposed we go into an alliance and ofc I'm gonna say yes. haha. I do actually like her a lot so that's good. She pulled in Ace, and I wanted to pull in Nicholas because I feel like me and him gel pretty well. Hopefully people see Kendall as the figurehead because my whole strategy was to fly UTR but things change like that in this game. Basically, I just wanna make friends with everybody so I'm not the target regardless, do well in the challenges, and not overthink things like I usually do.

ACE

I'm talking to Ally in PC and I swear I'm getting Mega vibes from her. I swear if Ally is Mega....

KENDALL

Hello. It's me. I've been wondering after all these years, if you'd like to me. To go over everything.... Yeah that's all I know, I mean sure I could look up the lyrics on Google but I am far too lazy. No wait I also know HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE It has been ten billion years since my last confessional/game, which may seem mathematically impossible because I've only played survivor for one year but shut up because this is my confessional... bitch. Any who, I am back with two percent more evil and one percent more effectiveness. No longer will I be a drifter, just sort of hanging back and waiting for anyone to pick me up and drag me along, I will be the leader!!!!!!!! Despite having about zero charisma and even less interpersonal skills. But my mommy says I am special so there. Anyway I have made an alliance with people. Ew gross I know. But it has to be done. I've made a group of people who were speficially selected because of their incompetence in some areas. Ace the Squabit:  I've played with Ace in Pompeii, we aligned for a short period of time before Drew voted him out. He is incredibly intelligent but he isn't particularly social. Creating a bond with him shouldn't be too difficult because of this fact. Keyonjay Dixon: Aside from having a bitchin' name, Keyonjay has one of the rare characteristics of getting my sense of humor. He isn't very connected to the community so I don't have to worry about any pregame alliances he may have made. In a previous game, he stated to have "played for someone else," time will tell if he will repeat this mistake. And last but not least we have, Nicholas: I don't know him very well and I don't have as much control over him as I do the others. Which frightens me... but I think we get along just fine. I've recommended Survivor seasons to him because he hasn't seen the show so maybe that will bring a bond of some sort. As for the other tribe members, Amanda seems pretty chill and Newlyf is fucking hilarious. I'd like to avoid getting them out if I can. Jared on the other hand... I don't particularly care. He is so boring and has terrible spelling, two of the worst qualities. He called me a psycho in a PM to Ace, which is mildly amusing because I don't think he knows how far it really goes. He doesn't trust Ace, he doesn't like me, he was barely on for the first half of the game. Jared serves no use to me or anyone in my cult... sorry alliance lol auto correct. Anyway I will update when I get more information but until then... HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

DANI

I really wanna trust these people, but I really cant. I literally have one ally and it's already almost day 2. Well, one ally is better than none I guess. I just really wanna win immunity. I'm not taking the risk of going to tribal council.

EDDIE

Basically Ting Ting is a queen and I'm  planning on making her my Sam of this game and I've pretty much let her know that. Although idk if she finds it sketchy that after once hour I said that but I honestly don't have as much time as a thought as I would so I need to leech myself to a strategically gifted iconic queen that will carry me through the beginning stages of the game into the merge. I honestly haven't decided if I'm going to stay loyal to Ting or not. But if I do vote her out it wouldn't be until the final 5 which is about the time that I probably should've cut Sam in bangladesh but I didn't cause I'm an emotionally human being. By that time though I'll probably have become way too close with Ting to cut her and I will probably make the same mistake I did in Bangladesh which is not taking out the clear jury threat and the person who will obviously win the game at the end. But that won't matter to me as long as I get to have fun bathing in the blood from all the other people who's demise I will cause. I'm going to busy these first rounds of the game but once things slow down and I settle into my city life I should be able to really get into it. I don't need other people knowing that though. Right now I'm just gonna play the sort of active, sort of inactive number for who ever is running the tribe (which will probably be ting which is why I decided to leech myself onto her). I believe Jaiden will try to run the tribe but he and I mean... he can think he is. But I will make sure Ting Ting knows all about his ruthless gameplay and the erratic and messy way he plays. She can do all the work rope in the numbers and I'll just be her little yes man. Whatever gets me to the swap tbh. Either way, I want to keep Jaiden on the outs while making him believe he's the leader. If I have it my he will be first boot, but if not I will coddle him and make him feel like I'm close with him right until I put the knife in his back which I'm hoping will he sooner rather than later, especially on a tribe with such small numbers. Idk how well that will work but it's worth a shot. I also have been talking to Roxy a bit and also matt. Im gonna go to them tomorrow on my drive home from vermont and be like "hey guys!!! Im a busy man!!!! Sorry couldn't talk to you last night!!!! And then talk to them all the way on the ride home and build up some type of bond or whatever.... Jaiden not being around tomorrow should make it even worse on him? Either way, I'm going to do a faceplant into Ting Tings ass. I have no shame in kissing someones ass just to get myself further in this game. That's what this is all about amiright? I'm honestly ready to be first boot, but if I'm not this should be fun.

ACE

I should be scared of the Pokemon Camp Community but I'm not really. Its true they are a force and nobody could stand against them if they are all together but I doubt half of them would make merge. Kendall and I are already planning on taking out Jared if we ever lose cuz he said he doesnt trust me and called Kendall a psycho (which is true in a good way~) Dani and Trysten might seem like a threat to others in tribe stage due to Trystan's bio I guess? I dunno. As for Seb idk why yall casted him cuz he's probably most likely 75% chance going to strike out and be removed anyway so nobody should worry about him.

DARIAN

So. It's been a day and someone has already asked to work with me. #Dani. I dont know where this is going to go i know I'm not committing myself to anything this drastic on day one. I guess it's nice to know I have one option! Dani seems really nice! So who knows

DANI

If we don't win this fucking reward challenge I will be PISSED, I busted my ass in that stupid ass unicorn game and pretended to enjoy that shit so other people would do it.

KENDALL

https://youtu.be/v5O6_rA0VFc

MATT

Honestly, I feel like I did good on this first challenge. I still trying to figure out who on my tribe would be the best for me to make an alliance with. In a sense, I am somewhat apprehensive because of Lazio and its endless tribe swaps....eh, time to snoop around.

KENDALL

OH MY FUCKING GOD I HAVE THAT STUPID SONG FROM ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK STUCK IN MY HEAD. ~ALWAYS I WANT TO BE WITH YOU MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU AND LIVE IN HARMONY HARMONY, OH LOVE~ SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CURSE YOU JAY, SEAMUS, AND CARSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[snowydawn17]

I just had a really weird dream & im writing it here cuz twitter has a character limit

Warning for long text wall, I'm on mobile and can't put it under a cut sorry So things were normal at first, I think? Time kinda jumped around but basically it was a normal day turned apocalypse. Looking back on it it was like a weird parody of devil survivor 2. Anyways. So there were these..3...4 kids? Idk there looked like 4 in this one scene where they played dead and like, rolled into a fancy coffin (this replayed itself like twice? Idk) but in later scenes there was an emphasis on two (an older sister that I'd say was probably 17ish and a younger brother who was maybe 14? Idk low teens at the oldest) and there was some other people, like a lot of people, there were two groups I think aside from the kids? Anywho it went super RPG with random monsters around that were like, OHKO pretty much. There were some SUPER strong ones that if you saw you GTFOd your way out and prayed they didn't follow you. One was a giant squid. It was in a river next to like, the one small fish. One guy went back there a few times to catch the fish and a frog, which always managed to ambush him. The hunting sections were extremely video game like, there was a tutorial and targeting and stuff. It was weird. Also, people sucked at hunting. Like, really sucked. The one character I went POV for was myself, I guess? I don't remember who I was with but I was with three other people, when I was around. Anyways I was trying to keep my goldfish alive in an inflatable ball that kept getting air holes in it and deflating, taping the new holes was annoying. And then a tiger like, broke through the back door (said tiger was one of those oh FUCK GTFO enemies and I reached around it to grab this goldfish (I don't even own a goldfish IRL, priorities) and we somehow got it out? No one died, somehow. And then a lion squeezed in (not of the GTFO variety) and sat on the couch and everyone was freaking out but me? I was cool with this random ass lion just chilling, it was probably gonna kill me in my sleep but yknow. Whatevs man. I like, had an existential crisis in my dream for a brief second. What even. Anyways with the other group of adults, this one dude got separated from his girlfriend in the initial apocalypse happening stuff (which I'll get to in a bit, it's the most fuzzy rn) and I can't remember what he did but he somehow helped out whoever was sending in the monsters? And asked about getting let out of the lockdown - moreso getting his girlfriend out, or being able to get to her - and they laughed at him and said NO ONE gets out of the lockdown. And then my brain jumped back to me with my group and I somehow knew this dude and that convo and some lady asked about "the lists" of ppl who could leave and I said, like "he got it. Everyone's on it." "???" "Everyone's gonna die" (this is where the existential crisis happened) and I don't remember much about those two groups aside from that ANYWHO with the kids. There's supposed to be an adult with them from the weird "hide in a coffin" scene but I don't remember her outside of that so. Probs dead. Idk. Anyways in that scene there was the older sis, younger bro, a set of twins, and a baby. Idk where the twins and baby went. I thought "'no wait, there's a baby, the baby's gotta be here too" a few times, so like..I knew it was a dream but not really? Oh, and they were apparently psychic? The powers never really showed up aside from a mention of them not being able to gain superpowers one way cuz they were among the last of their kind (the adults were referred to as "Hiders". Lowkey feels like that's supposed to be a completely different show.) Anyways the brother and sister got separated, and the younger bro was running around with a group of friends that was pretty big actually? Idk my dreams don't give visuals on people a lot. Anyways a bunch happened to them but I mainly remember running into a random building and there was a pool? With a monster that looked kinda like a lapras? And it shot fire and we all almost died but a random older dude turned it into wood for a sec and that cancelled the magic? We kept running and the thing unfroze and I was positive we were gonna die but it didn't attack? And the dude said they're peaceful in the day, only attack at night. Then there was a series of tunnels, and this boy kept leaving hints for his sister (who's name is Jess, that feels right) and then they bunkered down and waited? Not sure but then one of Jess' friends and another dude and the dude from before I think? Were there and talking like they had been the entire time. It gets fuzzy but I think the friend killed the two dudes for some reason? Something about backstabbing before you get backstabbed. And then she died from something? Not sure, but there was magic bs going on. Jumping to Jess, she was doing some running around and other stuff but I mainly remember one scene where she goes to sleep and wakes up in a coffin surrounded by...sand? Idk it looked like sand. And there were other ppl but they were either passed out or dead so they don't matter. But there WAS this demon like guy Jess seemed to know? It sounded like they had talked before - she def knew who he was. Anyways he kept telling her to go back to sleep and she'd be fine, but something about what he said gave her the idea she could do something to help everyone and when she asked he (hesitantly) explained that, yes, she was in a place that controlled the big GTFO monsters, and she could prevent more from being unleashed, but she would die. They talked for a bit about options (Jess asking, he answering) while Jess fiddled with bottles strewn about in the sand she woke up in (she was mainly asking about what the bottles did, I think, and then she asked about getting up.) Naturally Jess gets up and searches and finds a series of levers (the first is R, though everyone keeps saying the monsters are named after Greek letters? Idk) and she pulls and bends the lever, preventing it from being used again, and my brain kinda skimmed over her shutting down the next few. And then Jess has an army of kids and teens running with her, disrupting the bad dude's plans, and she's shredding this orb thing to pieces and giving those pieces to the kids to further shred. Idk what this thing was but if they got all the pieces again they could put it back together and that'd be BAD. Also Jess managed to break everything except this one last event, which was a bomb raid? Which jumped over to the bros side, and why they ran into that building I think. Anyways, Jess keeps running, and I think she got captured? But my brain jumped to her in the tunnels her bro had left messages in, and she gets to their bunkered down position but he's not there (it's a weird mix of parallel dimensions and time travel, it made sense in dream) but she knows he's SUPPOSED to be there, they just can't see each other and so she leaves her own message. The first is a pic of her in a weird costume with some dude (this happened earlier in the dream, I guess, but I don't remember it?) but she's afraid he won't know what that means so she leaves another saying "it's me, ___, it's Jess" (don't remember the bros name) and these just kinda appear near the bro and he reads them and starts crying (I feel like *I* was crying But I was asleep, so) and he realizes she's gone. Not sure how those conveyed that but they did. The dream ended thereish, but over the course of writing all that I remembered some other stuff: So at first it looked like a city, but a main beginning scene I remember is a group of older folks (like, 60s at the youngest) running from this weird vehicle and if it ran you over you like, turned to mush and melted a hole in the ground. The back tires passed over your mush self and you and the hole were gone. Some people died from this, some people came back like a respawn. Those older ppl plus some others made up the two non-Jess and bro groups later. They kept referencing a married couple who died (last name started with a C I think?) who for some reason had been a major threat to whoever was running this? And another couple, who seemed to be the leaders, were a similar but weaker threat. I'm not sure how, but probably magic. At one point I ran into a building and got separated from my friends in the crowd, ran into the women's bathroom (for some reason the men and women bathrooms ended up connecting in the back) and I sat down against a wall with my phone and 3ds (accurate, sadly no goldfish :c ) and then my grandpa was there holding out a hand to me with a small smile. Nothing really came of that so...yeah. Anyways yeah, that's most of what I remember. There's some other details (I think hunting dude hunted with his brother? And they were part of my group? *shrugs*) but i can't remember them clearly so screw it. TL:DR don't let Snowy sleep, she gets REALLY FUCKIN WEIRD DREAMS