#idk i just don't understand how it looks anymore
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lucy doodle (i miss her)
#im kinda trying to change the way i draw noses#bc my usual style is kinda restricting(?) imo#idk i just don't understand how it looks anymore#but yeah#bsd#bungou stray dogs#lucy maud montgomery#bsd lucy#doodles
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Weird development, I've sorta stopped wanting to vent on this blog but it's not exactly for Good reasons I guess. I'm just really paranoid that nobody will believe me
#and also because someone got mad at me for venting on here because it “made them look bad in front of our friends”#idk. im demonizing myself for no reason and i understand that and recognize that. im just scared#idk how people see me and i don't want to be seen as a liar or anything because i have a past of overreacting. was it overreacting back then#idek anymore. i know it Feels that big and what happened Hurts. but what if im wrong.#what if nobody believes what im going through now because of everything back then. what if i lose everything#im scared.#i wanted to have a good day but thats gone now#my paranoia wants me to “get proof just in case” which is ridiculously stupid. and also impossible.#i wanna be happy for fucks sake
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do people not understand what the fuck the point of a cliffhanger is anymore
#i wouldn't say it's as well done in s2 of squid game but it's not exactly like a part 1 of a season IMO like i see so many people saying#we already knew there was gonna be two more seasons (or idk apparently no one reads or looks things up anymore) so like.#the story is not gonna be a fucking shot for shot repeat of season 1#sorry y'all just don't want to comprehend the show you're watching and get mad at a literary device bc you don't want to wait until next#year for the final season#this one took like three years you can wait a little more#rewatch the damn thing again maybe then you'll understand what's going on#personal.txt#i'm so pissed off lately sorry. the bullshit discourse going on with nosferatu rn is also irking me#when things go mainstream you get people who want everything spoonfed to them and even when it is they'll start#whining about how they didn't want the vegetables and everything they just wanted dessert
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i'm so glad i won't be working with my pi after this month. i think i've reached my limit. i just can't deal with her anymore
#she said 'oh idk if i can make it to your thesis'#SHE IS ON MY THESIS COMMITTEE. SHE'S KNOWN ABOUT THIS FOR A YEARRRRRR#she said she might be on vacation w her bf... instead of going to my fucking thesis defense.#there was a special vote just so she could be on my committee. wdym you have to go on vacation#ALSO i've been asking her to check my calculations for a thing for MONTHS#and she still hasn't. but she made me present on it in front of a bunch of people.#i'd like to note that this calculation is like. the point of my thesis. and she hasn't even bothered to look at it#she forced the interns to work 50 hours last week. they're only being paid for 40.#she hasn't read any part of my thesis... others have but they don't know the details like she does#i told her to read my fucking thesis and she said she had and that it 'looked good'#what does that mean. WHAT does that mean. how do you have no comments. on my thesis. that determines whether i graduate#and then she said i'm ''irresponsible'' bc i went to a concert???#like it didn't affect anything. i showed up to work on time. i completed everything i meant to.#but i guess going to one concert is like. unacceptable.#i'm sooooo sorry i decided to go have fun for one night instead of agonizing about my thesis (that again. she hasn't read)#she asked if i want to give a talk at the new place she got hired at but she now works for fus#which is a incredibly conservative homophobic private catholic university. i've never heard anything positive about it#like they're legally allowed to discriminate against lgbt people... does she know what i fucking look like????#she's so so conservative but she only interacts with other conservative catholics#and doesn't understand how fucking vile her views are. and she wonders why people don't like her#like maybe she should shut the fuck up about how she thinks abortion is a sin at work!!#she once said 'the only time i feel uncomfortable in my skin is when i talk about being a conservative catholic at work'#AND THEN SHE SAID 'it really makes me understand how hijabis feel'#IN FRONT OF MY HIJABI COLLEAGUE. HELLO???? like she is not persecuted for being a conservative catholic#i literally started laughing when she said that. i think i said 'please get real'. and she's still mad#anyway. my colleague decided to no longer work with my pi. idk if it was bc of that comment#she mentioned that once i leave there won't be anyone who understands the data on the project anymore#like yeah. maybe you should've looked at the data. like at all#and not had an unpaid master's student do literally all the work for you
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being here has never felt this suffocating.. it feels impossible sometimes to continue
#i wish you'd talked to me about it instead of making a post with screenshots#because that was nothing i did intentionally... i didn't wake up thinking 'i will be racists today' it was a mistake i'm not proud of#i meant my apology and i said i understand when people are offended and that i'm sorry#i know it was wrong and i'm ready to learn from it to not hurt people anymore and idk why it warrants calling me a full racist#and i don't know how you saw that ask bc it was days (or yesterday? idk anymore) ago and you blocked me weeks (months?) ago#you'd have to actively seek that ask out or look through my posts if im blocked for you#and if it wasn't you but someone else who pointed it out for you idk how you guys got to the point of scanning my blog#if i ever hurt anyone im ALWAYS open to talking about it. i remember once using a word wrong and someone pointed it out on anon#and I've never used that word ever since#i would've immediately apologised and deleted that bit too if you'd texted me just one sentence a la 'hey that's so not okay'#and you did the same thing when i went alway last time... never communicating but going against me while so many others reached out to me#if i didn't see anything wrong about this thing now i wouldn't have made that post. im not scared of disagreeing with ppl#and i don't know what you want me to do? i didn't even know M when their thing happened and still felt bad for them.. me or those who are#defending me didn't go against M... how would you think it's the same people? idk man#idk.. i can apologise a 100 times and it won't be okay. and if i don't say anything im dodging the topic it'll never be enough no matter#what i do#reach out to me jords tell me what i can do bc i did NOT mean to ever hurt anyone and im so freaking sorry that i did#<— this msg especially to those who were directly hurt#idk what to do so you stop posting so many screenshots#if you want ppl to stop supporting me then...yeah idk guys stop supporting me — unfollow me it's absolutely okay bc i know that was#uneducated af of me#to all sweet ppl who reached out thank you i see your messages#i'll see all those that'll come too.. i just wont answer so no one drags y'all#thank you that's it#go ahead and screenshot this too. i can't do anything else anymore#also.. the only parts i edited in my apology were 'i didn't mention japanese' and 'i dont feel superior' which i did after waking up cos#my post was made at 5am after randomly waking up during the night#edit: stop sending my friends asks saying i deserved this. i never told anyone to defend me.. they CHOSE it and they're allowed to#that's it... thank you guys and ily#ill brb. not too long just a bit
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unrelated, but when i say lxc should get to bite people/go apeshit/start killing, i don’t quite mean literally! it’s a mix of fandom frustration with everyone and their grandma and her cat accusing lxc of being too soft, too trusting, too easily manipulated into forgiving jgy everything, etc, etc, when he wasn’t like that at all but just wanted answers that he would have gotten If Not For Certain Events That I Won’t Mention Here, and Some Circles criticizing him for being “mean” to wwx (a cardinal sin) -- and... well. frustration with wgxn fucking off to fuck in the bushes for months and delighting in the lack of information about what’s happening in the jianghu. when lxc was Like That, and then, when wgxn were back, Still Struggling. and i obviously know he wouldn’t, not before being absolutely forced to, but god sometimes i do wish there was a fic in which he got a chance to just go... Hey Wangji But You Know That It* Wasn’t Cool, Right
*all of the above, plus wgxn withholding jgy-related information from him post-guanyin, plus wgxn urging him not to listen to jgy in the temple and acting as though jgy has manipulated lxc like a child with no mind of his own, plus wgxn barging into his life like “hey we think your friend killed your other friend. source: trust us. why aren’t you trusting us? cmon zwj be reasonable”, etc, etc
#he can even cry as he says this! in fact i think it's a plus#i'm a bastard for this but i'm really interested in the concept of like. wwx&jc paradoxically getting closer by the end of the story#and lxc&lwj just. drifting apart because of how much they Cannot understand each other anymore#lwj... clearly chose. and while i don't think it's the case of 'oooh he choose wwx and Freedom over stupid and stuffy sect rules!'#he nonetheless... doesn't have the same Insight into lxc's thoughts and feelings that lxc has (had?) into his#and yeah he seems concerned with lxc's wellbeing and i guess mxtx wanted to write about wgxn being happy post-canon rather than#the lan brothers' misery but even so. 'they couldn't try fucking upside down because lwj had to visit his secluded brother'#is how it looks like. idk#anyway#shrimp thoughts
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Art school is so completely draining and deflating some times
#don't mind me#I know I haven’t posted in ages#I just need to share how absolutely demotivating having a bad critique day is#it's so frustrating to have spent an entire school year trying to figure out how to win in this class#and I never did#I couldn’t find the groove of what the profs were looking for#and ended up just making a bunch of art that I don’t particularly like or care about#I thought this project was going to go over well...#I was sorely mistaken#the feedback honestly wasn't super horrible#but I feel like people didn't understand the meaning and I wasn’t really given the space to advocate for myself like we usually do#idk anymore#I'm just tired and frustrated#just art student things
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I have a BotW/TotK opinion so unpopular I think I would be murdered for it
#Larking about with Link#i fucking HATE the rito redesign#they just look like generic bird furs now!!!#like they're pleasing to the eye. sure.#but they don't feel like a fantasy race anymore. they're literally just Birds now#and because of that they've had to readjust the culture#which they do in most zelda games! that's fine!#but now they're into... singing. because they're birds and birds make music haha#idk. i feel they would have been better off calling them something else#like how the kokiri became the koroks#and i mean i understand they needed a Cold Weather Race#why not the Yeti?#or if you simply MUST have them be birds i think making them all specifically owl or partridge based would have been great#but they've lost everything that made them Rito and i can't stand it#'oh look this one is a different kind of bird isn't that neat?'#at least with Yona (and i guess retroactively muzu?) it's implied she's literally a different race of zora#idk maybe it's stupid to be mad about#but they could literally have just renamed them and implied they were evolved from the old rito with the village song
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Today a coworker of mine said that I "look like one of those Japanese anime girls" and I still haven't figured out whether it was a positive thing in his mind or he meant it in a derogatory way. 😅
#about feyna#or maybe it was just a completely neutral observation idk#he tends to be quite blunt and without much of a filter#and it isn't the first time he has something to say on how i look#he has remarked several times on my long hair#and the fact i often wear it in a plait#'you don't really see girls styling their hair this way anymore these days'#which... yeah okay you're right but does it mean you like it or not??#and there was also that time i apologized for being in the way and he sort of... chuckled and said#'how can you possibly be in the way you're so slim'#which once again... is my being slim a positive thing?? does that mean he thinks i'm *too* slim??#(I'm definitely not btw -- in truth I can hardly be called slim -- but mileages can vary after all)#anyway i cannot understand whether these comments are positive or negative or (most likely) don't actually carry any implication#but are just completely neutral factual observations of what he sees#and trying to sort it out is driving me crazy#...of course i *had* to get a crush on a guy who says this sort of stuff 🙄#I bet I would just register all these just as neutral statements (they most likely are) and move on if it weren't for this
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Juan Carlos doesn’t believe me that we’re a couple. I know, Pablo doesn’t believe me, either. That’s why I think you should move in with me, that way they would have no choice but to believe us. [beat] I’m sorry, I know I was insensitive. I know you were really excited about Ferrán and you’re having a really hard time letting him go. But we have two very important reasons. We can’t split them up. We’re a family, regardless of who likes it. I know it’s been really hard for both of us having to lie to the people we love the most. Remember when our only choice was to be apart for a year. Yes, you’re right. I owe you an apology, too. I am willing to stick to the plan for our family. Thank you. I promise not to try to control everything and to trust you.
#madre solo hay dos#ana servín#mariana herrera#shitty screencap posts (TM)#gotta say I did not expect the show to keep ferrán around#but real talk I can't imagine how they would have sustained 10 episodes' worth of plot without him#like what ana and mariana would have just been free to fake date and fall in love in the process (maybe) with no conflict whatsoever?#jc looking for proof that they're lying wouldn't even have been a problem anymore bc it would've soon become clear that they weren't lying#and the plot would have ended by episode 5#this way at least they both have some source of conflict#ana with possibly developing feelings for mariana while mariana is still into ferrán (a classic)#and mariana with having to keep up a fake relationship while hiding her real relationship from ana and from everyone#this is just a much more interesting setup for me idk#so I'll just be here at my table for one looking forward for all those bombshells to finally drop#anyway back to this scene I like that despite mariana being the more hesitant one of the two#ana doesn't have to strong-arm her just give her an impassioned plea emphasizing '''their''' family (don't you just love the sound of that?)#and mariana suddenly doesn't sound so hesitant anymore#and I also love how no matter what ana says (especially when it's in the heat of the moment and it hurts mariana on some level)#she immediately apologizes to her and makes it clear that she understands mariana's side#it's just been SO consistent since season 1 and it makes me so happy to see it#it's part of what makes their relationship so enjoyable to watch even when there's not supposed to be shippy undertones
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i don't really want to see this retconning of neil gaiman's writing where people are re-analyzing stories like "look...you can see the message under the surface...showing how he was actually abusive IRL...it's all there..."
idk maybe we should just listen to people when they speak up and say they were abused and try to foster a culture of respecting victims and actually enforcing justice against perpetrators instead of doing this weird fucking da vinci code-esque picking apart of his stories. stories which everyone was fine with for decades!! because we understand that the content that people write and produce does not have a 1 to 1 correlation with their real world actions!!!
i fully support people who cannot engage with his work anymore and i do think that because he's a still-living person it's imperative to not give this guy another cent, but we cannot pretend that everyone was just "too dumb" to see the secret clues and turn this into another case of "what you write is what you endorse." plenty of dogshit people write good stories. plenty of good people write dark stories. that's all.
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#akira’s safe space#tiny vents#!sensitive!#more in tags:#i dunno really how to describe it anymore so the gif is the closest thing I can get to trying to explain it out#I just have been feeling off for the past few weeks#Like more than usual#it feels almost as if the world around me isn't real or when I look in the mirror the reflection I see just doesn't look familiar#I think there's something wrong with me#I don't understand tho and it doesn't make sense#It feels like I'm loosing my grip on reality or something#Like I just feel spacey and unreal at times#My head will feel dizzy or the world seems fuzzy and distant#When it gets real bad and I'm laying down or something or even just sitting there thinking#<- it'll feel like I'm floating in space and going upsidedown and all around idk how to really explain the feeling#This isn't like a constant thing but it's been happening a lot more than usual lately and it's getting a bit concerning#Tho I probably say that about a lot of things don't I.. I really don't know what to think anymore#Ive been unintentionally disassociating a lot more lately as well and I dunno what that's about
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gyro wants me dead argopro wants me dead everyone wants me dead. can't take this shit anymore
#skittles.txt#I DON'T WANNA TAG ALL OF THEM . do I give them a joint tag. What on earth do I make it tho#it’s hard bc my dynamic with gyro is nayuta is my brother and I kiss all 4 of his bandmates. like how do u make a joint tag for that#wtvr that’s BESIDES the point.#the point is the symbolism killed me. idk if I’m strong enough to explain rn#THERES ALSO. A CLIP IN THE MV SHOWING NAYUTAS CHILDHOOD LIKE A TINY BIT. GIRL#it was umm. well. that is a topic for a different post#I’m not even kidding when I say I was gonna write an essay about nayuta for college but then I dropped out#I might write smth about him anyway tho. I’d love to say I get him on a deep level however I don’t rly. I’m learning tho#I don’t know everything about him to the point I can joke about no one getting him like I can however#he means so so much to me and I think about him extremely often and that alone slowly makes me understand him better#bc I’m constantly doing a deep dive of his character in my head and learning new things just from thinking about him#does that make sense. look me in the eyes does that make sense .#I love all my familial f/os so much but I don’t think I’ve had this much of a connection to one since like. samatoki a few years back#samatoki might still be more tho idk just dormant bc I don’t pay attention to hypm*c anymore. off topic#point is I love nayuta :3 he wouldn’t be able to stand my ass. I’m his special little guy tho /p so it’s ok#f:nayuta#<- I’m at least tagging him since I’m explicitly talking abt him#in the tags anyway
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Astro Observations
Pt 2
It's so unreal how well Taurus placements can cook. Especially if there's Cancer in the big three. Taurus suns also have natural green thumbs
Cancer suns with Gemini Venuses are in constant conflict between they're ego and what they actually desire for love
This is definitely becoming common knowledge on the internet but all Libra placements that are personal and not generational are gay to some extent. Something about the scales allows them to go both ways I don't know . Depending on the placement and degree, it might make them uncomfortable, or the may proudly embrace it. But personal Libra placements can definitely go both ways
Cardinal signs are obsessed with each other, even though they're so toxic for each other.
5th house and Leo placements really love music. Leo rules the 5th house which is all about music, creativity and fun. So these natives really feel it.
Having your sun in the 11th house is a beautiful placement and creates a selfless person, but its the only placement for the sun to not be about "I" anymore. The sun is all about ego and self, ruled by Aries, but the 11th house is all about the collective, friends and the "greater good". Your ego is also heavily influenced by the collective and how you insert your self into the world.
Taurus moons have round/visible nostrils. They all have a green thumb for cooking as well
Aquarius suns and moons have very square shaped jawlines. Both the men and women.
The best sun+rising combo I've ever seen for Aquarius suns has to be Cancer rising. The blend is really heavenly and harmonious, the Cancer really softens out the Aquarian features perfectly (talking about the women idk about the men). This is only physical though
The best combo for Cancer suns definitely has to be Virgo in the big three. Either in the moon or rising, Virgo gives Cancer this snatched look that blends perfectly with the bone structure of cancer suns. (I'm also mostly referring to women here I don't know about the men) Although physically pretty, the combo creates a super insecure individual
Travel is such a big theme in the lives of natives with personal 9th house placements. It almost becomes the focus of life if there's a stellium.
Having your moon at 17 degrees (a critical Leo degree) makes you hella dramatic with your feelings. They're still valid, but you come off as a drama queen when feeling them.
Cancer suns are just as insecure and attention seeking as Leo when underdeveloped. Even though they're not sister signs they're ruled by the sun and moon, so essentially they are each other inside out.
Pisces is represented by the fish and the suns usually have big/swelled features and look a little bit like fish. Virgo placements have sharper/more defined features and Aries placements have prominent/tighter features.
Neptune aspecting Venus is a very underrated beauty indicator for transits and natal charts
Sagittarius rising are blessed with good luck in life since their chart ruler is Jupiter, the planet of luck. They also have hips on the larger side since Sagittarius rules the hips
Capricorn rules the skeletal part of the body and the native suns really have that skeleton bone structure in the face
Moon conjunct Rising is one of my favorite placements synastry placements for friendships. They are each other inside out and understand each other without words.
The most underrated house for the moon imo is the 9th house. The moon does really well here, there's a natural optimism and lightness to their feelings and emotions. I think this is from the influence of Sagittarius and Jupiter. They're also really funny people naturally and have a kind of intelligent humor
Cancer and Taurus placements are such big foodies. They also know how to cook very well and genuinely enjoy getting fat over other signs. Obviously all signs have the ability to cook, but Cancers and Tauruses make that home cooked comfort food that tastes like the feeling of your mom carrying you to bed.
5th house moons never feel emotionally fulfilled unless they're feeling some kind of fun or pleasure in life.
Taurus suns are the definition of work smarter not harder
Aries Mercuries are so smart especially if the sun is in Taurus or Gemini.
Geminis are known to talk with their hands and Italy's rising sign is literally Gemini...
You can always tell someone is Somali from the size of their forehead and the countries rising sign is literally Aries
Venus in the 8th house natal and synastry is that kind of ride or die love
Capricorn sun men actually think people what to hear their life lessons/lectures. It's really corny but they genuinely think they're helping. They also care so much about their rep but will never admit it. It makes sense because they rule the tenth house which is the house of popularity and is associated with our public image and rep. So obviously when Capricorn is in the sun, planet of self, their ego is closely tied with how they're perceived by others.
Scorpio moons are low key delusional but it's okay you guys had a rough childhood/relationship with your mother
The sexual attraction is crazy when you have the same mars sign as your partners rising sign (example. Leo mars-Leo rising) or if you have your mars opposite to their mars (example. Leo mars-Aquarius mars)
Aries moon women in red or leopard print is so perfect
Your gonna love the sun sign of whatever your rising sign is since the sun will naturally embody all the traits that you admire and will effortlessly be everything you want to be portrayed as.
Taurus risings, suns and moons look like bulls
Cancer venuses can lowkey hold down gemini venuses, it’s really harmonious for friendships. Not as compatible relationship wise because cancer venuses really don’t mess with how gemini venuses love. The love languages are just too different but when there are no constricting boundaries and it’s more of a playful friendship this pairing really works
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Skirt War
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Requested by anonymous: Could I req a fic with the stray kids' ninth member being put in a short dress/skirt (you know those that don't look like it'll ride up if you move but it does and its annoying af??) for a performance with a dance dance - that she has to move around a lot and then she keeps trying to pull the skirt down but that piece of shit just keeps going back up. And she spends the whole performance playing tug of war with a bunch of fabric trying not to be indecent and humiliated. And backstage she feels shit bc she couldn’t dance well and looked pathetic and she's disappointed and frustrated and embarrassed and yk. Idk if this is understandable anymore
“Wow, Felix,” you say, “you look really good! The stylists worked really hard with this new set of outfits.”
Felix hums his agreement, adjusting his gloves. “Where’s yours?”
You glance down at yourself. You’re still in your normal clothes. “Ah, they haven’t called me back yet. I think they’re finishing with Seungmin now.”
Felix makes a small sound of understanding, reaching up to touch his hair. He stops himself and drags his hand back down to his side. “Should I dye my hair soon?”
You shrug. “Do you want to? Is your hair even alive at this point?”
You hear someone softly call your name, and turn before you head Felix’s response. A staff member is waving you over as Seungmin and Jisung walk by.
“Looking good,” you compliment them, smiling brightly. You’re excited for what you’ll be wearing for the performance.
So you’re handed the set of clothes that you change into. You don’t even get a chance to look at yourself in a mirror before you’re whisked away for makeup and hair.
You eventually step out, joining the others. It seems as if everyone else has finished with their own styling, and everyone looks great.
There’s one tiny little problem, though.
Your tiny little skirt.
Your shirt is amazing, and you can’t disagree with the fact that you look hot in it. But the skirt is as small as they get. You’re amazed that you’re even allowed to wear it.
You’re fairly certain it’ll stay in place during thr performance, but you really don’t want to take chances. So you do an experimental twirl, heart sinking when the skirt instantly flies up.
Hyunjin recoils when he sees you. “What the-“
“Watch it!” Chan warns, narrowing his eyes. He faces you, eyes widening. “Oh. Oh boy.”
You tug the material down, fiddling with it anxiously. “Is it that bad?”
Jeongin is averting his eyes, which does absolutely nothing to make you feel better. “Nope. It’s totally fine.”
“Did they ask you about this?” Minho frowns deeply, glancing out at the crowd between the curtains. The sound check is almost complete, so you’re running out of time to deal with this.
“No. I wasn’t aware that I’d be wearing this.” Your hands tremble. You feel sick with how short it is. You half believe you’re at risk of your most intimate areas just being on display.
Seungmin grunts a little. “Want my sweater? To tie around your waist?”
You consider it for a moment before shaking your head. “Maybe later. I don’t want it to look like I’m disrespecting the stylists.”
“But it’s fine!” Jisung assures you. “These aren’t our usual stylists, and they don’t know our boundaries.”
“But we also don’t want to start something with this event,” you point out. They stylists had come with the gig, and you didn’t want to disrespect them if you didn’t usually work with them. It might ruin any other opportunities.
“Positions, everyone,” Chan suddenly says. He gives you a pitying look as everyone files into their assigned places. “You’ve got this.”
You’re not as confident as he is, but you force a smile. You tug the skirt down one last time before bounding out onto stage.
The music starts up and you begin to dance. Every movement that involves legs (pretty much all of them) has the skirt flipping up. Felix is behind you for the beginning, and when you catch a glance of his face it’s bright red.
You miss a hand gesture because you’re adjusting the fabric again, and your stomach tumbles. The media is going to have a field day with this. Everyone is going to be talking about how unprofessional you are.
Positions are swapped, and then you’re next to Changbin. He turns his gaze away to be respectful, but it just reinforces the idea in your head that the outfit is bad. That you’re indecent.
You blink back tears as you stumble over yet another move, too busy holding the skirt down to make it to the next spot in time. You’re falling behind, mind focused on your decency and not the dance.
Then your lines come, and your voice cracks. You’re lucky enough that you don’t have to hold your microphone up, because you honestly don’t have a spare hand.
It comes to an end, and you all bow. You walk off stage, perhaps the most humiliated that you’ve ever been.
Changbin loops his arms around you, tying his sweater around your waist. You mutter your thanks and wrench your headset off.
“Hey.” Chan gently grabs your arm and steers you back to the group. “Let’s talk about it.”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.” You keep your head ducked, gaze locked on the floor. Your throat burns and you’re struggling not to cry.
Jeongin comes up behind you and rests his chin on your shoulder. “I think you did great.”
You shove him away. “Well I didn’t! I sucked because of this stupid skirt! I let it get in my head, and now everyone’s going to be talking about it!”
Minho sits on the ground and takes your hands in his. He gently pulls you down to his lap and lets your cry against his chest. “Yeah, it wasn’t your greatest performance.”
“How is that supposed to help?” Jisung hisses out.
“But Stay loves you no matter what. And if they don’t, they can go suck it.” Minho strokes your hair.
Chan clears his throat. “I might not have said it in those exact words, but he’s right. And from now on, I’ll make it clear to our managers and staff about our boundaries. Including those that we work with for the first time.”
You hiccup between tears, burying your face further against Minho. “Really?”
Chan hums. “Absolutely. And we have time to change before our next song, so why don’t you go to the stylists again?”
You sniffle and push yourself out of Minho’s grip. Seungmin gives you a reassuring smile as you wander off.
“Excuse me?” you hesitantly say as you approach one of the stylists. “Would it be okay if I got a different skirt? Or maybe some pants?”
He tilts his head, nose wrinkling. “Why? Is there a problem with it?”
“Uh, it’s just that-“ You toy with the material as you try and find the correct words. You don’t want to insult the man. “Dancing in this is very difficult. I don’t feel comfortable in this.”
He smiles mockingly. “Oh, really? Well it’s fine. It’s not even that short.”
“I just danced in it and it didn’t go that well.” You’re aware that you’re running out of time. You need to hurry up. “Can you please just direct me to-“
“Have you considered that maybe it’s just your skill?” he interrupts. He sighs and shakes his head, turning away. “But fine. I could find something else.”
You swallow thickly as you follow him.
Is it actually your own fault? Are you just not a talented enough dancer for these clothes?
“Is this good enough for you?” The stylist holds up a new set of bottoms, and you wince. It’s even smaller than the one you’re currently wearing.
“Ready yet?” Jisung comes sliding in, eyes widening at the skirt being held up. “Wow, that’s small.”
“Uh, almost,” you weakly tell him.
Jisung’s eyes catch on your face and trembling bottom lip. His arms shoot out to wrap around you, and he pats your back. “It’s okay!”
“Are you wearing this or not?” the stylist snaps.
“No, she’s not.” Jisung tightens Changbin’s sweater on your waist. “She’s wearing this and we have to go now, since we’re on in less than a minute. But I’ll be telling Bang Chan about you.”
The man pales. Having an idol complain about you was pretty much a death sentence, especially when that idol had as much influence as Stray Kids.
Jisung grabs your hand you the two of you dash out onto stage. You burst out and join the rest of the members, just in time for the music to begin.
This time it goes smoother. The sweater gives enough weight to keep the skirt down, and you’re able to focus on the dance. Your movements are fluid and well-executed, and you know even Hyunjin would be proud.
When you go backstage, you feel mildly more confident. You take a swig of your water bottle as Jisung tells Chan about the stylist.
Jeongin huffs, overhearing the conversation. “What an asshole.”
Seungmin hums his agreement. “A real dick.”
Chan holds up his hands. “Let’s watch the language, everyone. We’re professionals at work.”
Changbin snorts. “Right. If he’s a professional, why did he basically humiliate her?”
Felix hooks an arm over your shoulder. “It’s okay, I bet Minho will screw up soon and everyone will forget about today.”
Minho makes a sound of protest, narrowing his eyes. “Why me?”
Hyunjin wipes the sweat off his forehead. “Relax, it’s just an example.”
Chan calls the stylist over, who appears vaguely nauseated as he steps closer. He bows briefly to Chan before his eyes flick to you for a fraction of a second.
“I heard you had a bit of an issue with one of my members?” Chan blandly asks. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him this angry. “Were you the one who put her in that skirt? Were you planning for her to humiliate herself and get kicked out of the industry?”
“Yeah!” Jisung cries out. He’s immediately silenced by Minho.
“S-Sorry,” the man mutters. “I just- I’m sorry.”
“No, no, continue.” Chan arches an eyebrow challengingly. “You just what?”
“Bet he just wanted to see her in it,” Seungmin drawls. “Is that it?”
A bead of sweat rolls down the stylist’s forehead. “Well- It wasn’t that short!”
“Would you feel comfortable wearing it?” Felix chimes in. “Because I thought it was pretty short.”
“Guys,” you say. “Let’s just go home. I’m tired. It’s been a long day.”
“Poor thing.” Hyunjin pats your head. “Wanna eat a whole bunch of ice cream with me?”
“Maybe,” you slyly say, walking with him to the van. You ignore the sounds of Chan still scolding the man.
“If you ever need my sweater again, just ask.” Changbin comes up from behind you to poke at the fabric of the borrowed clothes.
“Are we just stealing these?” Jeongin questions once everyone is in the van. Everyone is also still in the performance clothing.
Chan frowns. “Oops.”
Taglist:
@velvetmoonlght @jinnie-ret
#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#stray kids#skz#Skz are now thieves#They stole from that show#In the sequal they’re on the run from the police#(There’s no sequal guys)
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Le Pedí Al Mar Y Al Sol Que Te Trajera
pedro pascal x younger!reader
summary: vacations are supposed to be fun! and with a hot older famous boyfriend? now we're really talking.
warnings: 18+ (minors dni), age gap (yum), pwp, p. in v., fingering, pussy spanking (ooc i'm sorry i just want a man to do this to me), creampie, virgin!reader (sorry if this is kinda unrealistic for a first as i too i'm a virgin; in the curb we all fam), aftercare, spanglish ofc!!!
word count: 2,865 words
side note: so, i modified the request a bit bc idk pedro's friends like that (i just know omar apollo can tower over me wait what). check the og request here. reqs still open as we enter 2025! happy new year, dilf town citizens: pushed this drabble last minute as a lil' gift for you before the year ends! :) thank u sm for being part of it, my journey on tumblr is just getting started!!!!!!!!!!
Hace tiempo que quería yo sentir esto que siento.
They say dating a star and having to share him with everybody else is the hardest part, but to you, it's having both of your vacations occur simultaneously.
Finally, after months of shooting so many projects for the next year, your boyfriend is free.
Vacations are fun! They're supposed to be relaxing, especially after leading such a busy life as yours: juggling between work, studies and a relationship with world-renowned actor, Pedro Pascal. Yet, you can't help but feel nervous, fiddling with the loose strands of your skirt.
Pedro wants you to go alone, which means just the both of you: a little escape before Christmas Eve, as he and his friends have already planned their holiday together.
Doesn't matter how many times you tried to excuse yourself, he was determined to make you go with him. Besides, let's get real: it's not like you can say no to him. So now here he is, both of your passports in hand as you both are ready to board your plane to Mexico, where the rest of his friends will meet you a week later. Yes, more nerves to add on the schedule.
"If you don't quit that shaking of yours, I'll extend our vacation two more weeks" Pedro threatens once you're seated, but it's devoid of any malice. He's a bit far from you (he also insisted on the VIP flying part; you're just fine flying tourist, but can understand why he isn't), so you can't count on his touch to comfort you. "Didn't know you were afraid of planes"
You sigh, "I'm not"
"Ay, cariño. Are you afraid of me then?"
"No" you laugh nervously. You are, but not for the reasons he thinks.
It's the very first time the two of you will be fully alone. For obvious reasons, a whole week at the beach is much more intimate than just the dates you've been in. But here you are, already seeing the sand and water beneath you.
"Like what you see?" he jokes.
"Yeah" you look back at him, sincerity washing over the expression on your face. "I do"
If there is one thing you're sure of, is your love for Pedro. You'll just have to wait and see how this goes.
As of now, everything has gone well: sun, water, diving and lots of new photos and videos on your camera roll. You've gone swimming and danced on the bar of the hotel you're staying, some extra drinks on your system. You've also sunbathed under the same sun you've watched go down, in the most beautiful sunsets you've ever seen in your life.
But here comes the hardest part: the night. Sharing a bed isn't hard: it's something that's happened before, one time even staying in his house for two days, all because he insisted.
This time is different: the way his gaze lingers over your bare legs, the same way he's looked at them when the droplets of water slide down them. The way he licks his lips, like he's starving and the most deliciously tempting meal stands before him. Mantaining eye contact like it's some kind of dare, just as he's done since you've landed, using it to disarm you little by little.
You don't think you can't take it anymore.
You lay down on the bed, and he leaves the book he's reading on the night table next to him, all his attention directed towards you. Yeah, you're afraid, he can sense, but apparently not that afraid to wear a dainty nightwear that gives a delicious peek of your breasts.
"Something you want to say?" you ask, almost daringly so.
"Say no" voice low, barely a whisper that could come across a breeze of wind entering through the open window as it stirs the courtains. "Want, yes"
You gulp. "What do you want, then?"
Shouldn't taken the bait.
"You" comes quick, like it's the easiest answer there ever is.
The rest of his answer comes in the form of hungry lips capturing yours, devouring them in a clash of desire against your own, even struggling to breath due to the animalistic borderline savage way Pedro's eating you out, his tongue battling inside your mouth while trying to explore every corner just to taste all of you on his palate.
"Pedro" you moan his name out when he bites your lip with a bit too much force, metallic filling your taste buds. It's all so hot, and you're too turned on to think.
His roaming hands itch to touch every available spot of soft skin your body offers, tracing first through your collarbones, and then leaving the task for his lips to complete. There goes a trail of kisses that go down your neck, teeth nibbling the sensitive skin until it turns red. You whine against his hold, big hands keeping you under him, back pushed against the soft mattress and silk sheets.
You gasp for air, lost in the fire, when suddenly his forgotten hands touch you down there.
"Wait!" you shout, mentally slapping yourself.
"¿Qué pasó?" he exclaims, scared. "Did I hurt you?"
"N-no" you're quick to deny, voice wavering as you seat up on the bed. Your cheeks soon flush, as there's regret when you say. "I'm sorry"
"Sorry for what?" he tenderly cups your cheek. "Just tell me what happened"
"What happened is, I fucked up the vibe. I'm sorry, P. Didn't mean to stop you like that"
"¿No te estaba gustando, cariño?" he's questioning again.
"No" your answer is more firmly this time. His face morphs into a bit of hurt, and then you think your answer a bit more. "Ah, no. I mean, yes! I was liking it. I meant no as in no, it's not that why I stopped you"
"Then, why is it?" he grows a little impatient, but shows no such thing, rather focused on helping you out. "You know you can trust me, right?"
"I know" you smile sadly, insecurities washing over you like cold water.
"Then, tell me" he scoots closer, his perfume getting in your nostrils. Had he wore it again for this? God, what an evil little horny creature.
"I'm scared" you confess finally, the warmth of his receptiveness giving you a sense of security. His brown eyes soften, and you feel tears brim in the corner of your eyes.
"I know" he repeats your words, kissing you softheartedly, nothing compared to as before.
"No" you look directly at him, ready to take in every reaction his face will have. "I don't think you do"
"Amor, por favor-"
"I'm a virgin" you cut him off, panic rushing your answer.
"You are?" almost immediatly, giving no opportunity for silence to settle in.
You nod, slowly.
He sighs, sounding relieved. "And here I thought you didn't love me. Que te daba asco acostarte con un viejo como yo"
"No!" you deny hastily, then laugh. "Of course I love you, P. On the contrary, I was the one scared. Don't want to fuck it up on my first"
The energy changes again, as a flame sparks within your orbs. He looks surprised.
"Just because I said-" he cuts himself off. "Look, y/n, mi vida. I don't want to force you, yeah? I didn't know you hadn't- Listen, if you aren't ready, I'll understand"
"I am ready" clear and convinced, without a doubt.
His eyes circle between lust and love, "You want me to be your first, mmh baby?"
You nod, and he's back at the kissing and nibbling on your neck and collarbones.
"Please say it"
"I want you, Pedro. Quiero que seas mi primera vez"
Those sweet words of yours, an invitation not even the strongest man could deny.
"Let's start slow, yeah?" his fingers travel down to your panties under the nightwear, removing them and tossing them out of the bed, even with your pout. He kisses it off, wasting no time after to see your clit exposed. "Looking so sweet, angel. And needy" he gets closer, taking a better look at the wet mess that coats in between your thighs. He takes a whiff, intoxicated with the smell of your arousal dripping in waiting need. "Tell me if this is okay, yeah? I'll stop if it hurts"
Your breath hitches the moment his middle finger touches your puffy clit. Pedro runs his finger up and down, not adding much pressure to let you get used to it (kissing and eating each other out was all you had ever done). You whimper at the feeling as he repeats his action a few more times.
"Please, keep going" you plead, barely managing to not squirm at the overwhelming new sensations that shoot right through your cunt.
He begins to rub slow circles, making sure to add the right pressure onto your clit, then circling it, all while keeping eye contact, adoring the new expressions and sounds he's getting from you. You realize and shy away, embarrassed all of the sudden at the way he looks at you.
"Don't" he holds you by your chin with his free hand, "I want to know how you look when I please you"
You whimper, letting him do his own thing. He starts leaving sweet little kisses around your quivering pussy, enjoying the sight of your hole clenching at nothing.
"Think you can take more?" he asks, "want more?"
Two of his fingers dive straight in between your folds, coating them with your juices.
"Good girl" he praises when you only yelp, savouring the new feel of his digits inside of you. Then, he drags his fingers back to his mouth, tongue licking them clean. "Taste so sweet too"
"N-need more" you whine, desperate beneath him.
"Yeah?" This your first and you're already this greedy? I think I can get used to it" he laughs in adoration. "Let's try something better, yeah?"
Your body suddenly jolts, his big palm flat against your pussy. Pedro circles his whole palm across your cunt, middle finger pressing tightly onto it. You moan, back arching at the overstimulation.
He feels a little pervy, enjoying the way your tiny young body squirms beneath his caging body for of him. Nonetheless, he continues to rub you while you release more dirty sounds cascading out fo your filthy greedy lips. Your arousal keeps dripping like a broken pipeline, now smeared all over Pedro's palm, filling the room with slippery sounds.
"Mhm" you can't even speak, the exquisite combination of pain and pleasure reducing you to a moaning mess.
Pedro slaps your pussy twice, wet smacks bouncing off the walls.
"That's my girl" he then gently blows on your swollen bud, pressing a light kiss on it after. "Ready for it?"
It meaning his hard tent hidden under his underwear. You gulp, afraid you might not take it. He sees the hesitation in your eyes, but you're quick to dissmiss it.
"Are you sure you are ready?"
"Just do it" you demand, without knowing the consequences of your words, or the effect you have on him. Overall.
With needy fingers, you're fast to strip him out of it, admiring the size as much as you admire his now sculpted body. Jesus, you could build a cult out of it.
"Now" he cups your cheeks, fingers digging onto the skin, "I want you to look at me when I fuck you, yes? Don't dare to look away"
Pedro positions himself between your legs, aligning himself with your entrance. Then, he thrust inside you, filling you completely. You cry, trying to adjust to his size while your nails dig on his broad back, as he claims you, makes you his. Only his. Pedro'hi's hips snap forward with precision: every thrust is deliberate, each movement calculated to make your first as pleasurable as he can, despite the pain that's shown in your tears or the little drops of blood that fall onto the sheets.
"Shit" he pants, "tendremos que pagar por eso"
He grips your thighs, holding you steady as he pounds into you.
"Fuck, you feel so good" he moans, your tight untouched walls now stretching to adapt to his girth, "like you were made for me"
You cling to him, legs wrapping around his waist as he firmly holds you. Your vision goes foggy, mind numb at the burning and pleasing sensations. Despite that and lack of experience, you meet his every thrust, your bodies moving as one.
Your core contracts around him with every motion. "You fuck me so good" you mewl, music to his ears.
"I know, baby" he chuckles, "sólo lo mejor para mi princesa"
Fingers dig into your skin as he guides you with precision, right as he wants you to be. You feel the intensity of his deep inside of you with every movement, his hot laboured breath against your ear.
"Doing it so good" his voice is low, almost a growl, sending shivers down your spine. "Just for me"
"Just for you" you mindlessly pant out, the sensation of having all of him inside you, nothing separating the skin from skin, igniting a fire that spreads through your core. Your breasts bounce with each motion, Pedro's eyes never leaving yours, dark orbs locked onto your gaze as you urge him to go faster, drawing in a sharp breath as your body adjusts to the new rhythm he's providing, rapidly obeying.
The room is quiet except for the sound of your bodies clashing onto one another, flesh against flesh echoing softly.
"Your body is perfect, so wet, so tight for me" His words send a wave of pleasure crashing over you, making you moan loudly, your head falling back, "me tienes loco"
Pedro's weight grounds you as he begins to thrust deeply, each movement deliberate and unrelenting.
"Tell me you want this, us" the words catch you off guard. "Will you take all of me?"
"Yes" without a thought or doubt, answering as you whine and clutch at his shoulders with his more urgent thrusts. "All of you, always"
You notice his hips snapping forward, more energy as he pounts into you. "Good girl" praising you again, voice thick in arousal and rough, "so good for me"
Despite being your first, you can feel what would be your orgasm building, closer and closer until there is no holding it back.
"Pedro!" you scream his name, body collapsing around him as you come, stars reaching your closed eyelids.
His movements become more intense and sloppier, breathing ragged as he chases his own release.
"Espérame. Stay there for me"
You cling to him, legs wrapping tighter as he continues to pound into you. "Ya casi" his thrusts become erratic as he nears his climax, "almost there, baby"
You feel his body tensing as he comes inside you with a deep groan, seed spilling into you without wasting a drop.
"That's right" whispers against your sweet neck roughly, voice breaking as he collapses over you, trying to level his breathing. "Eres mía, only mine"
You're whimpering, body exhausted from the whole session you had.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Just tired" you sigh, "but I don't think I can walk"
"We'll get you a wheelchair someway" he jokes.
"You think is funny? Ruining my holidays?"
He leans down to press a sweet kiss on your forehead. "Come on, we'll get you cleaned up" you mumble out a tired no, but Pedro's picking you up with his strong arms, taking your body to the bathroom. You wrap your legs instinctively around his waist, face hidden in the crook of his neck.
"You know what? Your fans were right: you do have a slutty little waist" you mock.
"Right" he blushes, embarrased as he takes you inside the bathroom, then placing you on top of the toilet. "Open up, baby" he grabs some tissues, trying to clean up the mess you've made between your legs. "Así, justo así, bebé" he parts your hair to the side lovingly, fixing it for you before pressing a kiss on the crown of your head. "Done, my pretty baby, look at you"
You hum, eyes threatening to close.
"I see you're not an after-sex talker. Come on, I'll take you back to bed" he picks you up again, your head leaning against Pedro's V line as he caresses your head. "Hope you don't mind the smell"
"I love how you smell" you mumble out in a drunk like state.
"Okay then" he chuckles, "let's go back to bed" taking you out of the room, gently placing you the mattress. He then pulls a pair of fresh panties from your suitcase, dressing you in them. He coos at the sight of you, sleeping peacefully despite what you did before.
He finally lays next to you, lovingly lifting up your arm to put it around his waist. He pulls the sheets over your bodies to keep you both warm, in the chilly room thanks to the beach's air.
He feels you move, snuggling closer to his chest to seek warmth.
"I love you" whispered, not expecting you to answer or hear it.
When you snuggle closer, he's sure you do.
#dilfistquickwrites#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal fanfic#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal x you#pedro x reader#pedro pascal fluff#jose pedro balmaceda pascal#pedropascal#pedro fluff#pedro smut#pwp#pedro pascal pwp#pedro pascal fandom
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