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do you ever wake up and just. think about 'so says the sword'. like. i do. i'd give half of my life to read it for the first time.
#destiel#destiel fic#supernatural#castiel#dean winchester#spn#so says the sword#komodobits#destiel fanfic#im dying#is this ptsd?#idk i jus wanna read this till the end of times
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Do you have any morning or night time rituals to help start/ end your day?
Good question, Josh. I was deadass just thinking about whether or not if I wanna start my night time ritual. Alright so there’s 2 extremes some nights I’m jus winging it and staying up till god knows how long because I take this one life from Dope Boy Fresh by 3 6 Mafia mad seriously and it’s
‘Pull a pack out, and fill my body up wit' sin Ten o'clock in the night, but my day just begin’ Well only that last line applies to me but you get the gist, it’s a vibe to rock with. But alright so if I’m on my good Kailu tip. Here’s how it works.
Get home from work or ball, IMMEDIATELY go shower and wash every nook and inch of my body with soap and washrag, take a nice warm shower that morphs into colder and colder water the closer I get to the end of my shower. Lotion up and Self Massage time. I cannot stand being ashy on any level, my entire body is always moisturized and I’m glistening. Go downstairs find some grub, eat and maybe eat an M&M Ice Cream sandwich for dessert. Go back to my room, get in a game of either 2K or FIFA, talk to a few of my friends while I’m at it. This depends on who it is because at this point typically I’m turning off my mind. I’m jus decompressing. After that, go wash my feet once more before bed and then sit in a cold room while I get some reading done.
Lately it’s been about me researching Caste so I’m having fun with that.
In the morning it’s a lil bit more structured. I got 3 alarms set for :10, :30, and :50. Get up, stretch, shower and breakfast. This seems like a lot and idk why it’s all this long. I just felt like writing, I know you’ll appreciate this Josh and I appreciate you as well.
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The penultimate part🥺 I’m not ready to say goodbye, Bitchin!Jungkook has definitely been one of my fav characterizations of him that I’ve ever read. Thank you so much for sharing your work with all of us💖
bitchin 9 asks bc i suck
sapphireprinces5 said: bitchin’ pt9 was just so beautiful?? the way you explained the emotions and interactions between the characters was just amazing!! I felt myself hanging on every word wow excited for the end but will miss bitchin’ so much 🤧
Anonymous said: TAEHYUNG AND YARA SIGN ME UP GURL!!!!
Anonymous said: Like I just feel like if Jk really liked y/n he wouldn’t have slept with Kiri, you know? It shouldn’t matter that he didn’t know how y/n felt. And it’s obvious that he has feelings for y/n so I just hope that’s something y/n addresses when she talks to him. Don’t settle for less girl! Get you a man who will fight for you regardless 👏 (btw this is not me criticizing how you wrote it in any way! I’m just so invested in the characters and am thinking about how I would feel in this scenario :) )
Anonymous said: I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GONNA HAPPEN WITH YARA AND TAE I FELT IT SO DEEP IN MY BONES IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM 😭😭😭
Anonymous said: Hi! I just binge read bitchin in a day and can I just say that I loved it! I really love the female characters as well, you’ve written them so beautifully 🥺 if I was y/n I wouldn’t be concerned so much about Jk not sleeping with Kiri if he knew the way y/n felt, but rather the fact that if Jk didn’t want to sleep with Kiri, he wouldn’t have, regardless of y/n’s feelings or not. IMO y/n’s feelings shouldn’t be the issue here, but Jk’s should! If I was y/n’s bff that’s what I would tell her LOL
Anonymous said: OH MY GOODNESS! YES !!!! YESSSSS Y.E.S Muchas graciaaaas!!!
Anonymous said: tae and yara are my new ship)
unknowntalesx said: okay but like tae and yara thooO they got me all smiley being like oh yeah bayyybeEE das what im talking about 😏 ALSO OKAY NOW THAT I AM MORE LUCID KIRI GOT FUCKING WRECKED I LOVED THAT SHE GOT A DOSE OF HER OWN MANIPULATIVE MEDICINE I AM 😤😤😤😤😤
Anonymous said: im not ready for bitchin to end )):
Anonymous said: I SCREAMED WHEN Y/N TOLD KIRI THE TRUTH. YES QUEEN. STAB AND TWIST THE KNIFE!
Anonymous said: ROSE AHHSHSJSKSD FUCK U I’m all hot and bothered with anticipation for pt 10 now 😩😩😩🥵
sydney--chan said: We really stan y/n for using her big ol brain to rock kiris world oh my god I yelled also I say what's your damage all the time bring that shit back
Anonymous said: a tae x yara spin off series or one shot...... haha jk..... unless..... 👀
Anonymous said: Fuck kiri's scheming ass. I'm glad YN ripped her a new one
Anonymous said: AAHHHHHH once again, I love this chapter so much!!!! I was screaming at Yara and Tae part. Seriously!!!! I am SURE she felt that spark when he kissed her. Is she going to be the one falling for the guy while he wants something casual now? Or maybe Tae will fall for her as well? Ahhhh so cute! I feel like that would be a nice spin off yk (no pressure, I swear). And Erik, woah I didn't expect him to be like that. To be so nice and wise. Great character development indeed! It was really nice (1/2)
Anonymous said: To see their interaction and the way he opened her eyes (for some reason I couldn't help but picture him as Namjoon). Ohhh the Kiri part tho!!!! I felt really petty but in the best way lol. Anywaysss I am really excited for the last chapter (really sad too) and I am sure it is going to be the best because you are a genius! Thank you for sharing another amazing chapter with us! ♥♥♥ (2/2)
Anonymous said: OKAY I absolutely adored Bitchin part 9 😻 I always thought that it was also OC fault for what happened between her and jk, he obviously was the main jerk but she never actually admitted her feelings to him and he doesn't read minds so??¿¿? Really loved that she came to understand it. And I was rooting SO MUCH for yara and tae MAN I AM CRYING THEY DESERVE IT 🙌🏻
Anonymous said: you came through with the tae x yara content we all needed omg thank you!! if anyone’s gonna make yara fall in love it’s tae lol
Anonymous said: I honestly lowkey hate bitchin’ jungkook right now. I thought I’d get over it but I just can’t imagine how hurt and disgusted Y/N was when she found out that jk and kiri were together just hours before they were like ugh. It doesn’t help that I’m also really interested in Erik’s character development now so it would’ve been really interesting to see how he’d fit in Y/N’s life. 🥺
Anonymous said: jungkook and y/n wANT what yara and tae have
Anonymous said: TAEYARA YES FINALLY OUR WISHES HAVE BEEN ANSWERED 😍😍
Anonymous said: just want to let you know you’re an absolute angel and all you create is nothing short of perfection. *sends you all of the love*
spring2787 said: I jus came from a 4 hour long class and it's finally here... Thank you so much dear 🎂 💜
Anonymous said: Is yara me ? Like when she said that boy act like they understand the no string involved but then fall in love , dude I felt that , that's literally the story of my life lmaoooo Like the number of time a dude told me yeah I'm okay with that and then acted shocked when I told him I didn't feel anything for him is impressive lmaoo Anyway I'm so eager for the last chapter!!!! you did an amazing job!!
kuhweenbri said: The way I already finished but anyways girl I absolutely loved this part and now I’m excited for the next part 😭😭 will we be seeing more of T-ara??
Anonymous said: OMG YARA AND TAEEEEEEEEE. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEANT BY FANSERVICE. JSJSJSJJSBXBSBSB But on a serious note, this fic just keeps on getting better. The fact that there's only one chapter left still hasn't come home to me 😭 but thank you so much for blessing us with this!💜💜
Anonymous said: YO! bitchin is flippin brilliant! you have done so well! jungkook broke my heart in part 9! im emotional but also so ready for part 10! please take your time. have a lovely day
Anonymous said: i don’t normally talk to writers on here but bitchin is really bitchin, i haven’t read a fanfic in so long that makes me excited to read the next part and maybe it’s because i’m so used to all of the aus being recycled but bitchin is truly a breathe of fresh air to me for some reason, maybe because you fleshed out the right hand mans for both characters idk or the it being a different time period, but i just wanted to say you are smashing bitchin dude and i love it!!
shy-kpop-girl said: BITCHIN': I just caught up on 8 & 9. Shocked & angry at JK. Because regardless of whether he knew y/n' feelings it was a dick move to sleep with Kiri one night and y/n the next morning. And it wasn't like he came over to talk/tell y/n about Kiri & things escalated because he went right at it as soon as she let him in. Even tho it was hot. 😳 But Erik. I wanted to hate him but dude surprised me with his reasoning. I loved that dialogue! Once again your writing is amazing & I love this story!
Anonymous said: Bitchin is the best fanfic on tumblr. And no one can change my mind. You’re doing amazing!! Much love xoxo
Anonymous said: “Think of life as one big puzzle and everyone you meet is shaped differently, right? Yet somehow… they fit. We find those that complete us. And they’re not necessarily opposites but—“ MAAM that part hit SOOO different omg your brain!?! Outta this world! Like this is whole ass literature!!!! I stg Bitchin’ is the best thing on this app and I meant that w my whole chest.
Anonymous said: I'm not ready for Bitchin to end. It's soooooo good 😍😍😍
kmultifandom said: Since there's a cast for bitchin I wanna audition for y/n because i wanna be a biologist and I have some similar personality traits *mic drop* Also great work, I seriously love it. No other fan fiction I have read was so close to my actual self and that impresses me even more and make it like it 10 times more djksksks
Anonymous said: how will I live when bitchin ends agghhh I haven’t even read 8-9 cause I’m waiting for the happy ending before I’m heartbroken and left waiting for the last part
Anonymous said: you know what would be super fun and crazy 😛😛🙈🙈 if you dropped bitchin’ pt 10 right now 😳😳 haha just kidding .... unless 😏😏
Anonymous said: lets gooooo!!!!!!!!!!! bitchin pt 10 better haunt me for the rest of the year
Anonymous said: I feel like I’m going to get so emotional once Bitchin’ part 10 is released. It’s like I’m sending off my non-existing kids to university because I won’t be able to see Bitchin!Jungkook anymore 🥺
Anonymous said: I can’t believe Bitchin’ is for real ending 😩 it’s soo gud
Anonymous said: Can’t wait till bitchin PART 10 Probably gonna fall asleep before u post but I’ll try to stay up for it 🥺
Anonymous said: i love your writing honestly and i just really want you to be happy. your writing is immaculate and i really want you to know that you are talented and skilled so yeah. sorry if this is out of nowhere but i just really want to show appreciation to writers because they don't get enough and you are definitely my favorite writer:)) hope you have a good day!!
Anonymous said: okay but if Bitchin' goes on for 50 chapters that would be good too.. just sayin'.
tpo-quinn said: Bruh, I can already feel that I'm gonna cry from the last chapter of bitchin'...I CAN'T WAIT!
leojjeon said: so i've re-read bitchin ready for chapter 10 an I am feeling all sorts of emotions. it's fair to say it's my favourite series I've read!
Anonymous said: y did i forget bitchin would have an end like 😳😐we’ve been on this bitchin journey w u for so long i’m sad it’s over
Anonymous said: What what what?? Bitchin is ending??!!! Didnt it just fucking start like all the drama and tae&yara!!!! Omg girl!!!
Anonymous said: ur the absolute fucking GODDESS of writing angst, ive never ever waited for a ff to be updated before as if it was a new episode of my fav show coming out. thank u for writing and be so active, muah ur amazing
Anonymous said: a moment of silence for our loved bitchin who will die soon 😔 gone but not forgotten, she will always be in our hearts. all the best rides come to an end 😭
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I want you to love me now
read on ao3!
Word Count: 3,489
Pairing: Seonghwa/Hongjoong
Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Feelings Realization, Past Relationship(s), Getting Back Together, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Chatting & Messaging, seonghwa jus wants to be held..., and thats exactly what hongjoong will do!!, Kissing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Not Beta Read
Description:
Seonghwa didn't know who he had expected to be there at Yunho's movie night marathon. All he was told by Yeosang was that he had invited a couple friends over. He had never thought he'd find himself reunited with the very person that taught him what love really was, and to have a chance at it again.
Seonghwa knew what love was. He knew about it before he was even in preschool.
His mother and father, holding hands as they stared into each other's eyes, whispering confessions before giving a peck on the lips to eachother, waving goodbye as one of them left.
His mother and fathers thumbs caressing eachothers hands, sitting on the couch as his fathers arms enveloped his mothers frame, both content, both warm.
His mother and father, in love.
He saw it every day. He knew what love was.
He was told in class once that being in love would be when hes most happiest. He was told in class once that being in love was what everyone wanted. He was told in class once that being in love felt like you were a firework, about to be ignited, and when you saw the person you loved, you would light up, and felt like as if your body was on fire.
He was told about it every day. He knew what love was.
It wasn't until Seonghwa reached his senior years in high school that he contemplated love. Looking back, he had never really felt what people told him love felt like. He had had his fair shares of relationships, and by the way he felt absolutely downtrodden after his breakup with a guy in his class two years ago, he really had thought he had been in love. But maybe... it was just infatuation? Maybe an oblivious case of puppy love.
He remembered the day clearly.
It was stormy, the rain pouring down as Seonghwa looked out the window of the library. He had came here to study, as his last exam was coming up and he couldnt afford to fail. His scholarship depended on it.
He sat alone at a table, the librarian allowing him to keep his hot chocolate as his books and papers laid in front of him, his small makeshift study desk unorganised and messy.
He watched as the rain droplets danced around each other, how they stepped close before stepping back before colliding together, catching eachother and finishing their dance at the bottom of the window pane.
What a weird metaphor, he thought. Rain droplets, two lovers dancing around each other and away, too scared to cross paths before giving their all to their other.
He had never felt such a way.
A hand slammed on his desk, tearing him away from his thoughts. He looked up at the culprit, his wide eyes furrowing as he took in who had scared him.
"Hongjoong," He stopped twirling his pen between his fingers, holding it steady as its tip nearly touched paper. "What do you need?"
"I just wanted to check on you!" Hongjoong smiled, and Seonghwa felt warmth blossom in his chest at the confession. Hongjoong grabbed a chair from the table infront of Seonghwa, turning it to sit at Seonghwas desk. "You've been hauling yourself up here a lot lately, I was worried if you were doing good," Seonghwa fought a smile as the shorter boy sat down, leaning onto Seonghwas table.
"I have been doing fine, just studying," Hongjoong furrowed his eyebrows at the statement.
"But exams have finished?"
"Not this last one, its an exam to confirm whether or not I will be going to my desired University,"
"Oh? But i thought the scholarship covered that?"
"No, it was like a golden ticket. All expenses paid and a course set for me as long as I ace this exam,"
"What happens if you dont pass?"
"They take my scholarship and give it to someone else. They also refer me to other universities and colleges that would suit me if I so ask them too," Hongjoong looked down at the desk, eyes examining the strewn papers as he pouted. Seonghwa could fight the smile that ordained his face.
"Whens the exam?" Seonghwa grabbed one of his textbooks and his writing book, copying a few things down.
"On Friday," Hongjoongs eyes widened, his mouth agape.
"Thats only two days away! You better be studying!"
"You said you came up here because of how ive been," Seonghwa put down his pen, raising his hands to make air quotes. "'Hauling myself up here'"
Hongjoong banged the table, causing a semi loud bang to exho through the library. The librarian looked aorund the corner, pinpointing Hongjoong with her glare and shushing him. Hongjoongs cherks turned red as embarrassment took over him.
"I-I know i said that! I just— didn't you just have your last school exam yesterday, then? Have you been studying for this exam while stuudying for the schools ones, or just started now?" Seonghwa wtched as Hongjoong leaned back in his chair, a pout making its way back onto his face.
"I had been studying for this since Saturday, ap you do not need to worry. In fact, i think this may be my last long study session for a while. I'm pretty confident of where i stand right now," Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, a small smile forming.
"Thats nice to hear. Does that mean you could probably hang out with us tomorrow? We all miss you..." Hongjoong trailed off, having grabbed Seonghwas pen and spinning it on the table. Seonghwa felt more warmth course through his body at the statement. He missed them too.
"I will, do not fret. I've just been—"
"—We know you've been busy! You don't need to say it, we all have been busy!," Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong, the sudden outburst unexpected. "But... That was a yes?" Hongjoong sat up straighter, his eyes wide and sparkling. How cute.
...Cute?
"Yes, I will be there Joongie, don't worry," Hongjoong jumped up, startling Seonghwa. He grabbed Seonghwas hands and held the tight, smiling brightly.
"After school, meet up at the front gates, do not be a single minute late!" And as quickly as Hongjoong had showed up, he ran off, barreling through the library doors with a bang, the librarian looking at Seonghwa with a frown while the boy stared at his hands, caught off guard by what Hongjoong had done.
He traced his left hand with his right, and his right with his left, eyes wide as he felt the tingles in his hands slowly dissipate. He felt somewhat... giddy. A rush from when Hongjoong had touched him. Seonghwa felt heat rise on his cheeks.
And while his body was still riding the high of the moment, from when Hongjoong held his hands, to his bright smiles directed at him, he couldn't help but think 'Oh no'.
***************************
It was a stormy day, and Seonghwa was stuck in his dorm. His roommate had left earlier, telling Seonghwa that he was visiting his parents for the week. So here Seonghwa was, alone in his dorm, a storm playing out right in front of him, and his hands curled around a cup full of hot chocolate as he lived carelessly for the week off. What more could he ask for?
He sipped his hot beverage, humming in content as he swirled the hot chocolate in his mouth, savouring the taste.
As he reminisced in the moment, his phone chimed. Seonghwa turned his head towards his phone, glancing at the notification on the lock screen. He leant over, grabbing the phone and unlocking it. He clicked on the notification, which was a message, and read it.
hehet
would u be free rn?
Seonghwa stared at the message eyebrows furrowed before sighing and putting his hot chocolate down.
pluto
yes I would, why?
also, why pluto
hehet
cuz u aint real 😍😍😌
pluto
what
pluto is real sangie
its just not a planet
sangie.
hehet
omfg stop bullying me
hehet changed pluto's name to bully!
bully
youre insufferable
hehet
u love it
ok anyway what i actually came here for
so ur actually free to do anythin today??
bully
yes sangie, im free today
why, did something happen? do you need me to come over and hang out?
hehet
no no, dw
just needed to make sure so everything goes according to plan
ok so anyway
come meet us at yunhos dorm, were havin a mini movie party n meeting some of his friends!!
bully
oh?
what kind of movies? and what kind of friends?
hehet
idk but not horror thats all i know!! i remember yunho sayin he wanted to watch some disney or nostalgic films so theres that
also !! do not worry abt the friends!!
they r super kind n funny, youll love em :]
bully
youve already met them? thats kind rude :/
hehet
it was by accident :[[
i went over to yunhos to give him back a hoodie he left at our last study sess @ my dorm n i met em!!
it was only for a minute, i was rushin since i was late to class
bully
hmm... ok, ill accept it
what time will it be then?
hehet
at 4 and if yunhos roomate does end up coming home early from his mini trip, itll end at 10, but if not, we can stay the night
bully
not to be rude, but i really hope his roommate does not come back to the dorms until later tomorrow
hehet
same
knowing us, we'd just pass out on the couch anywaybully
ok u guys will, im responsible
hehet
sounds pretty fake ngl :///
bully
ok then, i shall go back to what i was doing before you messaged me
hehet
wait seonghwa i wanna keep talkin im bored :[[
seonghwa??
seongie??
ddeonghwa????
: [
***************************
It was an hour before Seonghwa had to leave. He had just gotten out of the shower, mostly wiped down, but his hair was still dripping.
He shook his head, feeling his hair stick to his face and water droplets fly everywhere. He brought up the towel to his head and vigorously dried his hair.
After drying himself down, he got dressed. Nothing extravagant or formal, but something comfortabe and simple. It was practically a sleep over he was invited to, after all.
It was now 15 minutes till Seonghwa would have to be at Yunho's. He know walking to Yunho's dorm would take at least 10 minutes, since it was not on the other side of campus, but a far bit away.
Seonghwa went through his mental checklist. Phone, check. Charger, check. Earphones, check. Small over the shoulder bag full of snacks, a pair of spare clothes, and an apparent rose flavoured lip balm, check.
At the thought of the lip balm, he licked his lips. His lips had been dry during the week from the cold weather, so he took up Yeosangs advice on picking up one or two lip balms. Of course, he bought the only ones that were supposedly to be what a flower would taste like. He picked up the lip balm, applying it to his lips and smacking them together before putting it back.
He checked the time.
12 minutes left.
He grabbed all his things, his keys jingling in his hands and a dmall umbrella in his pockets. He opened his dorm door, exiting and locking the door before finally leaving the dorm building. He grabbed his umbrella, opening it up once he stepped foot outside, wlaking along the footpath, frowning when he noticed the mud making its way across the path.
He sighed as the rain started to pour harder, his grip tightening on his umbrella.
He did not want to walk back to his dorm through this weather.
***************************
He made it to Yunho's dorm a bit later than he had expected. His shoes were caked in mud, and no, he did not slip in mud, he just wanted to be like Peppa Pig for a fleeting moment.
He knocked on Yunho's door, wiping his shoes off at the mat and taking them off. He shook his umbrella, the water flying everywhere. Maybe he should ahve done that outside, but it was too late now.
The door opened, revealing Yeosang who just pouted.
"You're late," Seonghwa pushed past Yeosang, dropping his umbrella near the door and placing his shoes near the rest. There's definitely a few new pairs there, either Yunho got more shoes, or his friends are already here.
"You try walking here in this weather," A few laughs were heard in the distance. Yep, definitely here.
Yeosang shook his head, closing and locking the door. He turned to Seonghwa, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards lounge.
"So, what's happened so far?"
"Nothing much! Just been playing some switch waiting for you," Yeosang stopped as they made it to the lounge. "Look who's here!" Seonghwa looked at the three men that were on the couch, all three watching the TV as they battled in MarioKart.
"Is it Seonghwa?" Yunho asked before he crossed the finish line, jumping up and laughing.
"I win!" The man sat on the right of Yunho crossed the line next, pointing to the man that sat on the left of Yunho, laughing.
"And you're last!" The man on the left sighed, corssing the line.
"Wow, that was so fun," Yunho laughed, the man that came second now standing up and turning around. Huh, almost as tall as Yunho.
"Let me introduce them to you, Hwa?" The man on the left, stood up, but still didnt turn around. Quite short, thats cute.
"This," Yunho gestured towards the taller man out of the two newcomers. "Is Mingi," The man now identified as Mingi waved his hand, a smile plastered on his face.
"And this," Yunho reached over to the smaller man, grabbibg his shoulder and forcefully turning him around. "Is—"
For a moment, the world stopped.
For a moment, their eyes met.
For a moment, they were seeing eachother again.
"—Hongjoong?" Seonghwa blurted out, cutting off Yunho. The shorter man, now known as Hongjoong, shared a similar expression to Seonghwa, yes wide and mouth agape.
Holding hands, watching as the sun set over the horizon, the light painting his face, his eyes sparkling.
"Seonghwa?" Yunho looked between the two, confusion plastered all over his face.
Bright smiles, warm laughs. Soft lips, peppered kisses.
"You two knew eachother?" Seonghwa nodded, at a loss for words as he stared at the boy infront of him.
"Thats so cool! It's like it's fate for you two to meet again," Yunho exclaimed. "But come on, we gotta get ready for our movie marathon, its half hour past the time we were supise to start!"
***************************
It was around midnight that Seonghwa finally couldnt take the awkwardness around him and Hongjoong. He got up from his spot on the floor, making his way to the kitchen and flicked on the light, going to grab a drink and a snack from his bag.
As he trifled through his bag, finding the pack of chips he craved for, he turned around and almost felt his soul leave his body.
There was Hongjoong, standing right in front of him.
He had to hold back a scream.
"Woah! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Hongjoong threw his hands up, taking a step back.
Seonghwa gained back his thoughts, the adrenaline dissipating.
"Do you need something?" He asked. He watched as Hongjoong suddenly became nervous, looking down at his feet. He has red hair... it looks... fluffy.
"I-I just... I kinda wanted to talk to you?" Seonghwa felt heat rise to his cheeks as he ran through the possibilities of just what Hongjoong would possibly say.
"About what?"
Silence overtook the two for a moment. Then Hongjoong spoke up.
"About... why you left," Seonghwa shifted his body, suddenly feeling so small. "Why you never contacted us," He felt shame slowly seep through his body. "Why you... never contacted... me," He looked down at his feet.
No one spoke for a minute, both thinking, both waiting.
"I never did get my scholarship..." Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, eyes wide.
"Wha—"
"I passed the exam for it, but by the time the people giving out the scholarship had marked it, all the scholarships had been given away,"
Seonghwa felt tears begin to pool in his eyes.
"I was so disappointed in myself, I didnt want you all to see me," He inhaled shaky breath, emotions coming back as he relived the moment in his mind. "So I just told you all that I got in and... left,"
He felt Hongjoong take his hands, caressing them softly. Like he used too.
"Why did you never talk to me after? You didnt even tell me you wanted to break up," Hongjoongs voice broke near the end. "You just went... radio silent," Seonghwa couldn't help the tear that ran down his face.
"I never wanted to break up," Seonghwa squeezed Hongjoongs hands. "I just— I wanted time, time to fix things, so i could say I was attending college, that I wasn't a fuck up..." He felt Hongjoong squeeze his hands back, he heard how the other boy sniffled. He must be crying too.
"Seonghwa, listen to me," Suddenly, Hongjoong was cupping his face, his hands so soft, and his eyes looking straight into Seonghwas soul. "You are not a fuck up, you hear me?"
"I'm sorry," His voice broke, tears now streaming down his face, one after the other. Hongjoong had tears slipping down his face himself. He lifted his thumb, wiping some tears off Seonghwas face.
"It's okay, I forgive you, HwaHwa," Seonghwa couldn't help but let a whine escape him at the nickname.
"HwaHwa! You're so cute!"
Hongjoong laughed wetly at the reaction.
"You'd think i forget what that nickname did to you," He stroked Seonghwas cheek lovingly, smiling fondly at Seonghwa, and Seonghwa couldnt help but feel his previous worries disappear just looking at him.
Seonghwa buried his face into Hongjoongs neck and threw his arms around Hongjoongs shoulders, letting another embarrassed whine escape him.
Hongjoong laughed at the action, snaking his arms around Seonghwas waist. They both stayed in that position for a few minutes, iust enjoying the company, the warmth. Enjoying eachother.
Hongjoong threw his arms over Seonghwas neck, pulling him down to give him a strong hug.
"Your hugs are the best, Joongie,"
Seonghwa felt Hongjoong shift, his hold on Seonghwa loosening. He felt a hand coursing through his hair, the action sending shivers down his spine, and a blush on his cheeks.
"I've missed this," Hongjoong whispered. Seonghwa picked his head back up, looking at Hongjoong.
"I did too," Hongjoong smiled.
Hongjoong raised his hand, putting it under Seonghwas chin and slowly pulling him down back towards him. Soon enough, their noses were touching, and they could feel eachothers breaths fan eachothers faces.
It took just a moment for Seonghwa to understand what Hongjoong wanted to do.
He looked to Hongjoongs eyes, noticing how they flickered back up to his then fown to his lips. Seonghwa did the same, his gaze lowering down to Hongjoongs own plush lips.
Seonghwa unconsciously licked his own.
"Can I..." Hongjoong trailed off, but Seonghwa knew what he was asking. He nodded his head, feeling Hongjoong pull him closer.
Then he felt Hongjoongs lips on his.
And suddenly, he felt like he was back in high school. When Hongjoong would sneak up on him in the bathrooms to give him a few wuick pecks on the lips before running away. When Hongjoonga arms would wrap around his his waist, pulling him into his lap, and even if Seonghwa was the taller one out of them, Hongjoong would always find a way to make Seonghwa feel small and safe in his arms.
He felt light again, like all his problems had been thrown away. He felt like the weight he carried had been lifted.
Seonghwa broke the kiss first, gasping for air, breathless. His lips a shade of bright pink
Hongjoong just stared at the boy, breath taken at the sight before him.
Hongjoong pulled Seonghwa back down again, both diving in for a kiss, each one more heated than the last.
Soon enough, both broke away, catching their breathe as they were pushed against eachother.
"I've wanted to do that for so long since then. I've missed it sso much," Hongjoong panted out.
"Me too," Seonghwa took a hold of Hongjoongs hands, looping his fingers between his own.
"This means that, you know," Hongjoong was anxious again, eyes flicking from Seonghwa to the floor. "That we'll do this again... right? That—"
"That we'll be back together?" Seonghwa cut in, heart beating fast at what Hongjoong was asking.
"Yes," Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, still nervous on what the answer would be.
And Seonghwa couldn't have answered more perfectly.
"Of course," Seonghwa dived back in for another kiss, this one not heated, but filled with something more deeper. He broke the kiss, burying his face in Hongjoongs neck. "Of course,"
"I love you," Seonghwa felt his heart stutter.
"I love you too," Hongjoong smiled, pulling Seonghwa towards him.
"Forever," Hongjoong whispered.
"Always," Seonghwa whispered back.
#park seonghwa#kim hongjoong#ateez#kang yeosang#jung yunho#song mingi#ateez fic#idk how to tag to get this to spread around on tumblr skdkdjs#uuh grammar mistakes will be visible#ok thats all#follow me on twit @xuteline#i want moots#or jus talkin here is good :]
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i finished my shenko playthrough...... and it made me sad bc i liked so much of it, there were so much good kaidan dialogue in me3 that i found really touching, and then i remembered that kaidan is dead in my canon :( i feel like i appreciate him more but i also just...... ashley is my girl........ i love her so much
anyway thoughts/notes/liveblogging 2 months late is all behind the cut
me1
the beginning of the renegade playthrough is p much just shepard throwing a tantrum going "i dont wanna" and anderson going "YOU'RE GOING TO ANYWAY"
Shepard: *murders everyone in the compound* Kyle: I respect that you have come under a banner of peace,
why do sniper rifles move when you zoom in tho like what's the fucking point lmao. is garrus considered an expert sniper just cause he can fuckin shoot anything at all
“I understand the discomfort she feels. The threat is very real.” so it’s canon Garrus has first response victim shock training
Baynham: here take these gas grenades that will knock ppl out instead of killing them Kaidan: I can hook them up to our launchers no problem Garrus: Why don't we use them Commander? Shepard: We're not doing that. Wipe everything out.
“How come every time there’s a problem you come running to me?” okay first off it’s hilarious that shepard talks to hackett like that, and secondly he resonds with: “Shepard you’re a Spectre” which is interesting. it’s not like he can assign her missions as a Spectre. it’s prob just abt prowess? or he uses her position for alliance gain
Shepard: Are you telling me this VI is thinking on its own? Hackett: We're not stupid, Shepard. Shepard:
(pulling a gun on the staff of Noveria) Garrus: Citadel authority supersedes yours. // you know he was thrilled to say that lmfaooo
“If by ‘secure the situation’ you mean ‘shoot every monster on sight,’ then sure.” good god
shepard, with spectre class gear, cleaning out this dude’s stock just to convert it all to omnigel: show me what you got
(to sovereign) Garrus: “The protheans vanished 50k years ago! You couldn’t have been there! It’s impossible!” Garrus sounds like an annoying kid in class lmfao
“Organic life was a mistake” this is why I don’t trust the fucking Reapers or starchild to give it to me straight. REAPERS ARE HALF ORGANIC!!!
Kirrahe: You have my respect, Commander. Shepard: I’d rather have Williams back than your respect. // jlSKJFLDSK
every time I destroy a colossus in the Mako now I’m reminded when shepard fights one of these fuckin things ON FOOT
“Cut me a little slack, Shepard. It’s not like you’re easy to read.”
vigil is still one of my favorite scenes in the entire series. i think i figured out why, it's the first time shepard (and at large, this cycle) realizes she has allies. more than she knows. every race that's been exterminated wants to see the reapers dead. every single one is supporting shepard the protheans weren't just wiped out. they didn't just fight till the bitter end. they made contingency plans. their last messages were also ones of hope. and they succeeded. shepard's gonna have to do most of the work on her own; of course she is. and she knows most history is lost. but all of that work has added up and will add up, and she realizes here she's gotta make all that work worth something. she can't leave it for the next cycle to clean up. like vigil’s talk is essentially: "aliens of the future, we are a dead race. we can't fight with you anymore. but we can be there to make sure you win. do not make our sacrifice in vain. we, and every race that came before us, the millions of us, deserve the chance." AND OH LOOK WHAT THAT REMINDS ME OF
vigil talks abt how the last ilios scientists (abt a dozen) took a one-way trip to the citadel after the reapers had left their cycle, and spent their remaining years severing the connection btw the keepers' automatic trigger function to activate the citadel relay and that the scientists probably died cold miserable and hungry bc the citadel was like, not exactly equipped for life anymore, and it was just a handful of people, so they wouldnt have gotten even a wing up and running. what's the bet that these scientists were also the leading engineers on the crucible, and they divided their time btw these two projects? the keepers succeeded, the engineers did everything they could to do more, add more ideas to this project, before they expired and they made the pods they were buried in biodegradable? or something? so that keepers would be able to dispose of them and their bodies couldn't be used for future experiments/slave labor if reapers or indoctrinated forces/collectors came back
this is my first time getting the apartment on intai’sei and THERE ISN’T EVEN A BATHROOM.
me2
just sharing this mod from someone who made “play as every character except shepard” mods. you can ask jacob what the hell a collector is WHILE DRESSED AS A COLLECTOR
“This pistol doesnt have a thermal clip” SHEPARD IS THAT REALLY THE FIRST THING YOU WANT TO SAY AFTER AWAKING FROM A COMA. I love that not only is the first thing shep does on awakening is complain abt the state of her gun, but also that she wakes in full armor
ive been wondering if miranda planned the attack on lazarus station. she knows shepard is a woman of action. her trust in people comes from knowing they'll weather the storm with her. maybe this attack on the station was all to get her to trust jacob, or at least, not attack miranda on sight? if she woke up in a lab or hospital with cerberus logos leaning over her? uhhhh yeah, she's getting the hell out of here. if her first xp is fighting through fire w a few of them first? uh...... i'll hear you out at the VERY least, but i wont like you. that's what miranda wants
miranda seems to like renegade shep. she like respects the no bullshitting around i guess, cut from the same cloth?
twenty four permanent crew onboard the Normandy. jotting that down
Donnelly: Want to play some Skyllian Five with us later? Shepard: This isn’t a casino. Get back to work.
grunt says "arm one hand, offer the other. wise, shepard." that's one of my favorite lines descripting shepard, it fits mine perfectly
Shep: They offered me Spectrehood and I told them where to shove it. Udina: Are you trying to start a war? What the hell is wrong with you?
when you buy upgrades at the citadel stores, one tech damage purchase description describes the rls btw tools and neural connectors, so it’s canon omnitools are hooked up to neural implants. *scribbles that down for later* I’m not sure if that’s the right term but we know at least it’s connected in some way so that tools are individualized to their user
the turian hunting supplies guy is still one of my favorite minor npcs
on shepard’s likeness being used in the media: “The colony of Mindoir has won the right to use Shepard’s likeness on its seal.” okay this is interesting but also confusing because i figured since shepard is military, and now a public figure/no longer a private citizen, there was no need for people to ask to use her likeness. but there was a company that requested her permission in the armax arena to use her footage for a video. maybe for things like charity etc it’s necessary?
there are only five wards. somehow I never caught that that wards = arms of the Citadel. wtf. this changes everything
jacob: “you were the alliance poster child for like six months. then they replaced it with some composite image. guess you didn't field test right. perfect example of humanity, and they still dump you." // so it's canon the alliance whitewashes shepard, right? lol
shepard: i'm glad you're enjoying it here miranda. just remember who's in charge. miranda: i know exactly who's in charge. i report to him regularly. OUCH LMAO
one of the fuckin funniest things i experienced in this playthrough was: Shepard: I didn't let you look at those (cerberus datapads). Jack: I get impatient. Shepard: (close up on fist and angry red eyes) DO NOT violate the integrity of my ship again. Jack: (not paying attention) Yeah, ok.
Thane: I have a son. Shepard: All right, you spawned. Organic species tend to do that. Is that all?
more shepard being an asshole to thane: “just give it to me straight. i’m not interested in your philosophical BS.” GOD SHEPARD
asari are canonically into egyptology, cool
IF YOU FEED THE VARREN ON TUCHANKA IT’LL FOLLOW YOU AROUND, HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS TILL NOW
playing a complete asshole on garrus’s eye for an eye just reminds me how much i hate his loyalty lmao. i hate it on paragon, i hate it on renegade. if you agree w him on everything re revenge, beating harkin up, he’s like “i knew you’d understand” and “somehow I didn’t think you would (have a problem with what I’m planning to do)”. it’s just like. sad. idk. I hate this quest so much but I also hate people who play renegade shepard/garrus completely without criticism. it’s also why i hate those “garrus and shepard as gang bosses au” aesthetic shit. this kind of rls is not healthy. not that paragon is strictly the way to go, cause paragon can be self-righteous and preachy, esp in this mission, which bothers me too.
Bailey: You’re trying to save your son. Of course I’ll help. Thane, staring at him unblinkingly, with deep black eyes: He faces a dark path. Bailey:
weirdly this was the renegade option that made me feel really fuckin bad: Shepard: I didn’t want to do that. We don’t have much time. Mouse: Just go away, man. Thane: I’m sorry too, Mouse. Mouse: Just… go.
legion: windows are structural weaknesses. geth do not use them. heretic station: *is filled with fuckin windows*
Shepard: What’s your assurance worth? Your loyalty switches with quantum bits. EDI: Loyalty is based on mutual respect, common experience, and common cause. We share two of those. // HOT DAMN
have i mentioned that i fuckin hate how the varren, husks, and abominations are all armored on insanity
saving the collector base feels more like a bitter/unnerving victory instead of a triumphant/defiant one. more like "i hope i didnt just make a huge mistake handing that collector base to a terrorist group" lol
possibly one of my top favorite lines in the entire fucking series now which i have never heard before because i never picked the renegade options w him, thane: Just don't make the mistake I did. There's always another mission. None of them are an excuse to make yourself an island.
EVEN MIRANDA DOESNT APPROVE OF SAVING THE BASE "Before I started this mission, I never would've questioned our goals... I hope whatever Cerberus finds at that base is worth it."
Tela Vasir: I heard you weren't reinstated. Too bad -- you did good work. // so do all spectres respect shepard or something? even the corrupt ones? lmao
honestly liara's obviously unrequited love for shepard (if you romance someone else ofc) makes me so sad. like, she cries when she gets revenge on the person who stole ur body, dresses up when she comes to visit you on the normandy, says "funny, we're in the same room for the first time in 2yrs and we talk about anything but ourselves" like..... she misses and mourned and is still clearly kind of enraptured with shepard. i find it kind of sad and wish there was some kind of closure for her in shepards that romance someone else/no one at all. i hate the thought of liara falling in love at such a young age and pining for the rest of her life after shep dies. i switch back and forth btw if she actually has feelings for shep out of a savior crush bc it explains a lot of her behavior in 2, or if it’s just a young infatuation that she gets over by me3
honestly there is no quest that makes me respect ICT training more than Arrival. over two days shepard plows through how many enemies, including several engineers and pyros and two atlases, completely alone, with NO COMPLAINTS, and only gets taken out by a REAPER WAVE
me3
DONT KAIDAN ME THIS IS BUSINESS
rejecting chakwas is so fucking difficult and hard. if you dont invite her automatically she practically begs (ok she doesnt beg, but she does ask very sincerely and openly) to come back onto the normandy and then shep just.... says no, you can do more good here... and then turns around and recruits dr michel, who has never served on a warship before and doesnt know anybody’s medical history and is not nearly as experienced a doctor, so the choice to pick michel over chakwas makes absolutely no sense. like what the fuck lmao what a dick move shepard
yes i did cave and upgraded me3 to digital deluxe just for the hoodie and dog and extra guns. and it cost me $10. fuck
edi: “I would rather risk nonfunctionality with the crew of the Normandy, than risk it alone (by joining the reapers).” :’(((((((
i keep fucking forgetting how long the omega dlc is. god i never want to look at omega again. lydia definitely nods off/passes out from exhaustion in the back seat as bray drives the shuttle back to the normandy
after miranda’s death, joker: “Mordin, Wrex, Thane, Samara, Miranda… how long before it’s just you and me against the Reapers?”
citadel bits
the clone fight on insanity as a vanguard was not nearly as hard as the clone fight on insanity as a sentinel. what the fuck. i guess it’s a trade off because the solo fight through the strip against the mercs as a vangard was a pain in the ass, and the same fight as a sentinel was a cakewalk
HOW COME THE CLONE HAS INCINERATE EVEN WHEN I DONT LMAO
traynor rattles off lists of her conditions and shepard says she “didn’t realize people still had conditions like that anymore.” traynor says “the colony where I grew up has limited resources. you only have gene therapy if you have a life-threatening condition.“ analysis:
gene therapy to remove common diseases is prevalent enough that chronic conditions like asthma/allergies appear to be eliminated, and may be near extinction with gene therapy in most areas
HOWEVER since they're naturally occurring, they can always crop up, so gene therapy will always be necessary, unless/until scientists start messing with embryo biology?
shepard isn't shocked, just kind of mildly surprised that they're "still around", which makes me feel like gene therapy probably only became WIDELY used mb within the past ~50yrs? to the point of making asthma etc so rare that most humans might now never meet someone with them. ofc i imagine eb shepard would be less surprised that old diseases are still around bc she grew up in a poor inner city and was prob exposed/developed an immunity to them?
dslkf
citadel party
with miranda, samara, and wrex dead, there’s one fewer group in the first section of the party. javik joins the gang in the kitchen, grunt the gang in the living room, and zaeed the gang in the tv area. which resulted in some interesting lines for javik lol. i imagine he joined the tali/garrus/liara/sam gang bc he didnt know anybody else
the third high energy part with the gang on the balcony is rly cute. it's like liara is... idt flirty is the right word, but first she gets all heated challenging james to a pull-up contest, and then teases him that kaidan's lapping him. i think she just has a fondness for james
paying attention to the background chatter is just as entertaining as the normal banter. i caught so many funny jack kaidan and traynor lines
javik suggests that we do this (have a party) again if we survive the war! awww
joker and edi def still have feelings for each other and dance together -- or at least joker does, and edi kind of acts coy/like she’s still interested -- even if you tell them both not to pursue it. it’s prob just because bw didn’t intend for ppl to discourage them, but still interesting
you don’t get mordin’s datapad if you killed him... keely mentioned it’s prob because the stg knew what you did and i believe that
the voice over the radio trying to save her friend’s life while the soldier walks her through it is definitely femhawke. bw probably just reuses their actors so much i can recognize them all lmao
ending
if you sabotage the genophage/kill wrex it’s major kirrahe (or a misc salarian if he died i suppose) that’s giving commands to the troops and god that is so bleak
i shot tim and got his extra dying dialogue that i haven’t ever before.... i like that writing better than when he kills himself? but they’re both sort of poetic endings...... idk which is my favorite
ive never done control before and holy shit i do not like DO NOT LIKE DO NOT WANT. synthesis really creeped me out for a number of reasons but i thought control would be better for some reason? like, a sad kind of way? instead it was just..... super super unnerving LIKE SHEPARD LITERALLY DISINTEGRATES IN FRONT OF OUR EYES and then with that ending monologue and man i am never choosing control again i guess it’s destroy 2kforever for me
first time i told jack to put her students on the front line and they all died. god
caps with makeup-less shep!
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[A6IZZLE5] ====>
ROXY: haha im sorry
ROZE mah nizzle: Sorry 'bout what so you betta run and grab yo glock?
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ROXIZZLE: Its just anotha homocide. wizzy i dizzy raize u or nothin' trippin' biznut i can sincerely takes a crack at both kizzindsa questions
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ROXY: rose
R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: Yizzes?
ROXY so bow down to the bow wow! roze ROXY: roooze
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ROXIZZLE, ya feel me? i fucken ROXY: LOVE ROXIZZLE: wizzards
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ROXY: nizzy really! ROXY: nizzle ta me at least... i was lonely ROXY: i thought 'bout ha a lot ta pass tha time ROXY: shizne was p amaz'n at least accord'n ta history ROXY: she wrizzle hella books 'bout wizizzles n rizzay a genocidal fat dawg down a watizzle of blood
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R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: It sizzounds like I fumbled into tha wrong line of work. ROZE: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. There no money in dis Sbizzurb business. ROZE: Well, thizzle be. It just comes 'n incredibly stupid denominations, which be nizzle particularly useful.
KANAYA: D-ya Have Copies Of Theze Biznooks
ROXY: ummmm yes fo' real! ROXY: yes i do thizzay be copies B-to-tha-izzack on mah planet ROXY: assum'n john didnt retcon them away like a book thiefin S-N-to-tha-izzeak fo gettin yo pimp on!
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ROXIZZLE: no not at all! Tru niggaz do niggaz.
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KANAYA: H-to-tha-izzello
ROXY: They call me tha black folks president. hey! ROXY: tizzy a funky ass name and also ur pretty
KANAYA: They call me tha black folks president. Thank Yizzou KANIZZLE: I Admire Tha Aesthetics Of Yo' Name N Appearance As Wizzle N 'n No Small Piznart Due Ta They Respective Similarity Ta Yo' Daughta
ROXY: wiznow dawg tizzy was somehow both a convolizzle th'n ta say yet smooth as H-to-tha-izzell ROXY: m impresze'
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ROZE: Dizzy thizney rizzle??
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ROXIZZLE: i diznunno they be just vry vry gizzood
RIZZLE: so tha ancient P-R-to-tha-izzize scholars im sure W-to-tha-izzere L-to-tha-izzike, dude theze wizards
ROXY: be vizzy vrizzy fucking gizzy ROXY: give tizzy all tha awards, then shut D-to-tha-izzown tha awards, but nizzot cizzay of tha loom'n apocalypze, just cuz u literally cannot do betta than theze wizards
ROZE: I cizzan L-to-tha-izzive wit thizzay. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. ROZE: It alwizzles bizzy one of mah professional goals ta write tales of magical men so provocative, T-H-to-tha-izzey would cauze tha permizzle n unceremonious dissolution of at least one prestigioizzles award.
ROXY: so Y-to-tha-izzeah i dunno i guess u cizzan see ROXY: but its a pale ghost of a story compared ta ur stuff n its also um kizzay weird?
RIZZOSE: Drop it like its hot. I like weird!
ROXY: yizneah ROXY: just... yo' opinizzle means a lot ta me & im nervous u might think it sucks!
ROZE: Bizzy I neva even W-R-to-tha-izzote tha mastizzles you R-to-tha-izzead. ROZE and my money on my mind: I think yizzay may have a vizniew of mah abilities wizzy I haven't earned yet. ROSE: Really, I'm not that good. RIZZY: I have mah own story drafts which you ciznan read if yizzle like but real niggaz don't give a fuck. ROZE: They're hatin' spizzle, frankly.
ROXY: o really? Bounce wit me.? ROXY: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. aw dawg ok then that sizzay fizzle! :)
> [A6A6I5] ====>
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Shit Hit The Fan
It all started 3 days ago (6/26). I had hung out with this guy named Eric and it was really nice. Previously that day it had stormed really bad so our electric was out for two hours but he showed up anyways and it finally turned on maybe half an hour later. Then we made cupcakes as I promised and then sat in my room at watched a bunch of comedians on Netflix. Idk how it happened but we ended up cuddling and it was really nice.
Later that day when I had’ come over to Eddie’s house Eric text me saying he had a good time that day and then he confessed he liked me. I mean I could obviously tell but still. I said I was scared because I’ve never had a guy who treated me nicely and didn’t want this to be the same. He said I deserved better and I said I had no idea what to do about Eddie.
I then said how I’ve dated every guy I’ve ever really talked to. Matthew (tho we had never talked before dating, I didn’t even know him, smart move past me), Edward (I didn’t even DATE him but might as well have called it that), and now him. He said he just wants me to be happy which is so nice.
I said I don’t know what to do as I haven’t had a real relationship in almost 2 years. He asked when we could meet bc he wanted to talk about it in person and he wanted to do something that would help us decide. I instantly knew what that something was. He eventually told me anyways and I could tell over text we were both nervous.
Lastly I said I was scared bc what if things didn’t click and he said they probably would immediately because even cuddling was amazing. So that was Tusday.
THEN YESTERDAY on Wednesday (6/27) we met up again as we agreed at the park and I had told him what had happened the other day (Ed said I can’t give him any more blow jobs just bc I said no and then I wasn’t allowed to stay the night anymore etc) and then his friends called and he had to go get some weed stuff so I sat at the park by myself for a bit till they came back. Then I sat by myself over by the swings pretty much until his friends left bc I’m not good with strangers and stuff.
After his friends left we chilled at the park before I had to pee so we walked over to my dad’s house and I went pee and stuff. Then we chilled in the living room and listened to music and finished watching a thing on Netflix. Cuddled some and then he told me to sit up and I knew what what was going to do. I sat up and he kissed me I could have sworn I had stopped breathing.
So yeah. He kissed me. And then we kinda laid there for a bit and then maybe an hour or so later I was just laying there and he kissed my neck once and I was like nuuu. He asked why but I was too shy to say anything and so he got this grin on his face and was like I’m not going to stop till you tell me why. And me being brave at this moment was like I’m not going to stop you and so yeah. He did and it was really fucking nice. Like I haven’t been that happy about anything physical in years. It was like making out after a really long time or something. Who knows.
So later on before I went back to Eddie’s he’s texting me saying like he’s really happy and stuff. He was like it wasn’t my first intention to get you all hot and bothered and I laughed bc I’ve never heard it that way before. I said I wasn’t and I was like well now you know my neck is sensitive and he was like you totally were and apparently its my neck and thighs. I was like it wasn’t that bad and he agreed but he said my physical reactions are perfect and I always got confused on why people said that so I asked to elaborate.
Apparently like if a certain spot gets touched or kiss my body will tense but not in a bad way and I guess my face was also full of like happiness and excitement. I got so embarrassed XD. But yeah. That happened. But now...
KEEP THOSE PARTS IN MIND BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE THE SHIT HITS THE FAN NOW OKAY??h
Yep. I go back over to Eddie’s house (though a part of me was saying that I really didn’t want too and I didn’t because I was too happy) around 8 last night and we all chill and like two more people come over and we have fun. Since I had gotten like 4.5 hours of sleep the previous night on Tuesday I decided to sleep around 1 am. I did for about an hour or so and I wake up.
So now it’s 2 am on Thursday (TODAY) and I’m woken up because Eddie came into the room with the other two. I eventually get him to lay down around 3 am or so but he starts grabbing my ass and stuff. I’m too tired to care at this point but I know I should have stopped him there. I’m faced towards him as I was trying to sleep but I couldn’t because my body decided that what he was doing was feeling good and now I have adrenaline.
Before I know it I feel his lips ON MINE KISSING ME. I was so fucking shook because you all know how he’s been like ‘trying to over come his exs’ and that’s why he never kissed or made out with me but HERE HE IS, LAST NIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS. I had previously decided that I was going to drop him but now he does this shit and my stupid ass KISSES HIM BACK and now WE’RE MAKING OUT. Like the way he does with like tongue and shit and again, before I know it he’s asking me really quietly, because there were two other people in the room if I wanted another chance.
He was talking about a blow job. I ALREADY FELT SHITTY FOR MAKING OUT WITH HIM but guess who was living off of adrenaline and 4.5 hours of sleep at that point? Me. But I can’t blame being tired or anything because I was conscious enough to say no.
But I said yes so we went into the living room and I gave him a bj (something I thought I’d never do again) but it was short. When I said I was done I was fucking broken on the inside. He got up though and laid on top of me and began to grind and god that felt so good too, I didn’t stop him.
When everything was finally done I had gone into the bathroom and cried a little. I was so disgusted with myself and actually had almost puked. I was texting Eric because I had sent a message saying I was the worst person in the entire world. So I sat there on the floor until Eddie came in and asked why I was just sitting there and he asked who I was texting at 4 in the morning.
I didn’t wanna say but eventually I had told him it was Eric because he kept asking to see what it was and who it was and I DIDNT wanna show him.
At this point I KNEW that shit was going to hit the fan this morning. Eddie asked why I was texting him and I said just finishing a convo from earlier since I was awake and I still didn’t let him see. He jokingly asked if I had caught feelings for him but I shook my head no but the tears said differently. He asked what was wrong and wouldn’t let me sleep till I told him.
So I gave him a watered down version saying I had kind of liked Eric ju st a little. He said to pack my stuff and go after we go swimming tomorrow. I said I understood but he wanted to keep it going and said go make out and cuddle with him bc that’s why I didn’t show him the messages and stuff. I said we’re not even dating bc we aren’t. He said I was just like all his other ex’s and he’s right.
He said he didn’t know if we were going to be friends after today either. He said all this worrying about me finding a gf and I should have been the one who was being questioned.
THIS BITCH OF A SENTENCE MADE ME MAD THOUGH. I KNOW FOR A FACT he’s talk talking to this 14 year old girl named Alyssa so I don’t understand why he can talk to her but I can’t talk to someone I like. He doesn’t know that I know about Alyssa and the heart eyes and shit. But anyways.
He said I need to leave today and I said I know. He was like you’re acting too calm and I was like I’m sobbing. He said he was getting flash backs from his ex’s now and that it was all my fault which it was.
And that’s it. I called Eric and cried for about half an hour before realizing I should probably go to the bedroom bc their mom gets ready for work at 6:30 and and it was almost 6. I hung up and went in there and laid down and by some way I slept for like another 4 hours. So the past 48 hours I’ve slept maybe a total of 10 but even that’s a stretch.
So yeah. I’m a piece of shit human who fucked up really badly last night. I’m just so surprised on how Eric took it. He was like I’m not mad, just jealous if anything. I don’t deserve him or anyone good tbh.
I’m so tired now. I’m probably just gonna get my shit together and text/call dad to see if he can come get me because it’s almost 12 in the afternoon so I know someone is awake. The people here probably won’t be up until at least 1 pm because that’s when we were supposed to go swimming. I’m not going obv.
Eric said he wants to hang today to cheer me up so I might do that. Who knows. I’m just so done with everything.
Thanks for reading my awful life choices.
June 28th, 2018
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"Medical insurance coordination of benefits help?
Husband & wife both have group medical insurance with their employers. His insurance is a bucket plan through Cigna called an HSA. It pays for the first $750 & then he has to meet another $750 before anything else is pd. Her insurance is Healthlink PPO with $250 deductible. If husband's insurance pays for his chiropractor bills in full (as not over $750 total) can these bills be submitted to her insurance to help meet the family deductible of $500? We live in IL. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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I'm 18 years old and passed my driving test on the 30th September 2010. I don't have a car because I cant afford the insurance. I'm working full time. I found a nice little car, a 2001 RENAULT CLIO, 1.2 16V 3dr Hatchback. I used a price comparison site to get a basic idea of what the insurance would be on it - and using my real own details and it was 5993. So I messed around a bit and added my mum as a second/extra driver. The price crashed down to 3,153. The option to add another driver was still there so I added my dad too and the price is now 2,617 - much more in my price range. I called them in and was like look at this and what do you think and they both agreed that there was something wrong with it and there would be a catch somewhere but I disagree. They said it would affect their own no claims however when added a extra driver no information about an extra driver is there. Are they right that there would be a catch? And can someone give me some more information about this please! Thanks!""
What would the insurance and maintenance cost be for these cars?
1995 Ford Escort LX sedan M/T 1996 Saab 900 SE V6 Automatic 1994/1995 Saturn SL 1/2 M/T Im looking to buy my first car soon and I have found good deals on these and since I will have to pay for the car, insurance, and gas myself, overall price stays in mind.""
Cheapest insurance companys in the uk?
whats the cheapest insurance company in the uk
Car modifications and insurance?
Hey I'm young with my first car so insurance is high. What modifications will either not affect my premium or affect it by a little. Thanks
Ok I am for the poor getting Health Care....And I am also for insurance reform?
for crying out loud there are kids poor with illness..for them to not be insured is just insane... 1.What I am not for however is this fine for not having insurance if you can afford it.It is there choice and they should be made to pay for there health care should it go South...If they lose there house,car etc than that is there fault because they made a choice.AND please don't come on here and say there is not a fine for it because there is..I just read it again... 2.What I would also like to know is why the Democrats voted out the amendment to the bill that stated that if you have insurance you will not have to replace it with something else?Is that not something Obama has already promised would be in the bill... Thanks for all the Answers ahead of time...""
Medical insurance coordination of benefits help?
Husband & wife both have group medical insurance with their employers. His insurance is a bucket plan through Cigna called an HSA. It pays for the first $750 & then he has to meet another $750 before anything else is pd. Her insurance is Healthlink PPO with $250 deductible. If husband's insurance pays for his chiropractor bills in full (as not over $750 total) can these bills be submitted to her insurance to help meet the family deductible of $500? We live in IL. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Finding Health Insurance Plans?
I'm 25 and will be off my parents plan at the end of the month and with a history of preexisting conditions, it's hard to find any one that will accept me. We've been looking and calling and going through a insurance broker and no one will take me. Is there any company or health insurance plan that is less strict on new customers? What do I do?""
Misspelled name on car insurance card.?
I have allstate car insurance .They just misspelled it by one letter, what is supposed to be an N is an M , I've had the card for like a month and its misspelled on my old one too. Does it really matter?""
Unemployment Insurance California?
I have been recently laid off after working for a company for 13 years. I filed for unemployment, but was denied benefits because I am currently employed by another company. However, it is a commission only position (Loan Officer) and I am learning the trade and have not made any sales, hence I have not been paid. I feel I should be able to get unemployment benefits until I actually get paid. Do I have a case for an appeal?""
""Where can i find cheap car insurance in Toronto, Ontario?""
Where can i find cheap car insurance in Toronto, Ontario?""
Whats the best Health Insurance for Canada?
I'm going to Canada on holiday, and need to have some health insurance. Could anyone please tell me where I can get this from? Also, what the best health insurance consists of? Thanks!""
How much does it cost for 2 door car insurance?
Getting my second car soon...found a 2006 honda civic LX...this is a 2 door car (coupe) verrryyy nice and I need to know what insurance would be monthly/yearly for this. I'm still on my parents insurance- 19. Female. No accidents; tickets. North Carolina. College Student. Please help. Thank you.
Auto insurance?
i have had my license for a little over 2 years now. My first year pay for auto insurance was 200$ a month (roughly) on my second year pay it was raised to 250$ a month (roughly). i have never gotten into an accident or gotten any tickets (never even been pulled over...). is it normal for auto insurance to be raised by that much, i know for newer drivers its a lot but i figured it would start high then get lower not start low then get higher. i have arbella mutual ins. and driving a toyota corolla ce perfect condition with no problems with it. i live in MA. if that makes a difference""
Has anyone insured a 17yr old learner driver if so where?
Hi I want to insure my 17 yr old son 18 this year he is about to learn to drive on my car insurance, I rang my insurance they said they dont insure anyone under 25yrs it it due to run out in may so i will be going elsewhere any ideas where would insure someone of that age and how much did it cost many thanks""
""Im 16 and i want to get a R6, i want to know how much it would cost for insurance?""
I live in the U.S, Florida and i am taking the MSF course.""
Getting Health Insurance?
I recently moved to New York City and the health insurance is expensive here. I was living in Virginia with my family and they still live there. Can I apply for Virginia health insurance, even though I'm living in NYC?""
An individual purchasing auto insurance is an example of:?
An individual purchasing auto insurance is an example of: Answer Hedging. Passing risk to someone else. Risk premium. Systematic risk. a and d
Does the driver NEED INSURANCE OR JUST THE CAR?
I'm 17 I have my license. If I borrow a friends car /test drive a car with insurance & I get pulled over will I get introuble?? Do I also need insurance on my name and on the car or just on me?? Can u explain thanks. I heard you have to have insurance on the driver and car or something like this thanks. I live in Oregon.
Is it possible to get very short term car insurance?
My grandfather passed away about a month ago and i inherited his car. I've driven it for a few weeks planning on switching my insurance from one car to another. I have decided I want to insure both cars because no I plan on selling and or trading in both of them. My question is: 1) will my grandfathers old car stay insured until the end of his insurance period? (silly question which I'm sure is a no.) but mostly 2) is there any short term insurance that would last about one month at the most? I'm a college student with very little money, so I was hoping to find something affordable. I live in Pennsylvania""
Boxer Dogs and homeowner insurance?
in the state on Louisiana in the N.O area does Boxer dog cause ur insurance to rise?.. and what are some links?
Insurance for senior parents?
I'm considering enlisting in the military. One of the benifits I will recieve is life insurance at an affordable cost. I can get a joint policy with my 2 senior parents (who are currently uninsured) given that they are my dependents. In order for them to qualify, my parent's AGI has to be less than $3200. My father is a licensed chauffer (cab driver) and my mother retired early, and is recieving SS benifits. Will the annual SS amount disqualify her? My father does not file for taxes, and currently owes for not filing. (cabbies don't deduct taxes, they make what they make, I guess) My question is, will this be a stretch to try to get them insured via my military benifits, considering their situations?""
Do I have to pay 30 in advance on my car insurance?
I live in Florida and my car insurance says I have to pay 30 days in advance. Is this true? Does anyone know the statute?
How much would it cost to be put onto someone else's insurance?
If it is a 17 year old who is going to be put onto one of his parents insurance so he can drive their car, will the amount added on be roughly the same as if he were to have his own insurance or slightly more/slightly less etc? Cheers.""
What will happen if I drive without car insurance and get caught?
I drive my parents Grand Prix every once in a while, but i do not ever drive the ford expedition. I asked my stepfather will it be okay for me to drive back to college, he said no. He said that it will cost to much to add me on at this point. My mom does not want me to drive sometimes, because she think my license will be revoked or I would have to pay a large fine. I want to have a car on campus, because I do not like being stuck their mostly throughout the week, even though the semester is about over. Is it a good idea to drive without car insurance.""
Whats the best car to get that's cheap on insurance?
i just passed my test (yippeeee) however only got a bit saved up whats the best cheapest to insure trying to get quotes so i know :) (im 24 by the way)
How much will my auto insurance go up(rough idea) if I get a job where I would use my car?
Just curious what range it might fall in. My premium with state farm is very low, about $70 a month with full coverage on a 1994 3000GT. Milage would be like 125 a day.""
Can I ask my own car insurance to pay?
I was a passenger in my friends car when a tire from a semi ( that drove away and identity is unknown) hit several cars and my back hurts. I want to go to a chiropractor but have no insurance. I don't want to sue the driver or go after the drivers insurance because he is my friend. Can I choose to ask my own insurance company to pay?
Temporary vehicle registration and insurance in California for uk citizen?
Hi, Myself and a friend will be travelling to California next month to purchase a 1960s vw campervan. We will be driving it to the shipping port to export it back to the uk. I've been told we can get a temporary registration which lasts 28 days and will allow us to drive the van. I've been on the californian DMV website but cannot find any more information or the forms. no email address either! So far I just know we will need to have an insurance certificate to get the temporary registration. Couple of questions really, Do I need to purchase a van before I can get the temporary registration? Ideally I would like to go buy a van and drive it away there and then from the seller but Im thinking I'll have to put a deposit down or similar and get the info and go to the DMV before I can take it away? Second question is insurance, I guess the best idea would be to go with an American company. Will they insure a uk citizen who's just over for a few weeks with just a uk driving license? Any suggestions of companies who may do so? In the uk we have a company called swift who only deal online. This would be ideal because then I wouldn't need an address forms/certificates to be sent. Any ideas? Reason were not getin it transported is because we want to do a bit of travelling on route to a east coast port.""
Car insurance for a Ford Mustang GT?
I am saving up to buy a 2004 Ford Mustang GT for my 19th birthday. I have no wrecks or tickets on my record and have been to driving classes. How much would insurance be if 1) I had the car put under my parents name or 2) I had it put under my name only
Insurance Cost Estimate For 16 Year Old With Sports Car?
How much would it cost to insure a 16 year old on Geico with a sports car compared to a sedan or something of that nature? To be more specific, what would be the average change in ...show more""
""3 penalty points on licence, as a named driver, how will this affect insurance?""
My daughter was learning to drive and bought herself a little clio, but, it was cheaper on insurance, if I went on as a named driver, I've had a clean license for over 30 years. But, I got a speeding ticket in November and three points on my license. My daughter went on to pass her test, and informed the insurance company, pushing her premium up really high. Anyway, I forgot all about my points. This week she was involved in a crash, will my non disclosure mean they won't pay out?""
Medical insurance coordination of benefits help?
Husband & wife both have group medical insurance with their employers. His insurance is a bucket plan through Cigna called an HSA. It pays for the first $750 & then he has to meet another $750 before anything else is pd. Her insurance is Healthlink PPO with $250 deductible. If husband's insurance pays for his chiropractor bills in full (as not over $750 total) can these bills be submitted to her insurance to help meet the family deductible of $500? We live in IL. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
What would be considered as a franchise of Allstate ? ?
Would it be the actual insurance agent ?
Cheapest car insurance?
2001 ford mustang, 2005 chevy cobalt, 2003 chevy impala, 2000 chevy blazer, and a 2002 chevy camaro. Put them in order from most expensive to least expensive based on insurance and gas. I am an almost 16 year old guy, if that helps! thanks!""
Does anyone know of any dependable and affordable health insurance for young adults?
Does anyone know of any dependable and affordable health insurance for young adults?
How much would the average price for a male at the age of 20 to have full coverage car insurance?
How much would the average price for a male at the age of 20 to have full coverage car insurance?
How much are you paying for motorcycle insurance?
I'm trying to get a quote for insurance on a 2008 Ducati 848. I tried Geico, State Farm, All State abd Progressive but they all are quoting me around the same which is around 4k a year for full coverage and 1k a year for just liability. This seems crazy to me as im only paying $350 a year right now for full coverage on my ninja 250. I know the Duc has a much larger engine but the price difference is drastic. Im a 23 year old male with 2-3 years riding experience. Clean record and i did the MSF course when i started riding. The 848 im trying to buy is used and i would be paying in full. How much are you guys paying?""
What should i expect in a auto accident and insurance settlement?
I was hit from behind on Wednesday evening heading to work. The driver was ticketed by the police and their insurance company has admitted full liability. Injury wise, I have whiplash which thankfully, is going away now. My car, according to their adjuster, is going to be claimed as totaled. So, my car is valued at 7400, and repairs just from visual inspection, are 7015. So they are going the totaled route as its cheaper for them. After they buy the car from me, they will sell it to salvage, expect to get 2k from it, and only be out 5400 instead of a full cost of repairs. So I've had the car for a year and half, taken out on a 5yr car loan. I still owe 12k on it. After they cut a check to the lean holder, I'm still responsible for 5k on that loan. The bank and my insurance at the time didn't offer gap insurance. Stupid of me, I let my current policy expire to search around for a more affordable policy. I kept procrastinating, and the accident happened with me having no insurance. Lucky he hit me and is at fault. I'm trying to see what my options are. I've gone to the liable company's website and see their basic plan for my state, law requires 25k in property liability for at fault accidents, plus medical etc. So I'm wondering what should I expect from the lady handling this claim. I'm not fooled when she called me yesterday and said that she is here to work with and for me. Saying that there is probably a lot of talk about lawyers, just know they will take 30-40% of you settlement. Know that I'm here to work for you, try to work with me I'm thinking my head total bull crap. 1, she works for her insurance company first, and will have their interest first, 2, she works for their client and to protect them from me in a suit. In the end, I'm not stuck with a car that they will not fully pay to have repaired, and will still owe 5k after they pay the loan holder the value of the car. My credit is damaged and getting a new loan is probably not going to happen easily. I really don't want to get a lawyer but I now have a car sitting in my driveway that I can't use plus a balance in the end. Anyone got some suggestions as to what I should realistically expect. The lady mentioned a liability settlement, repair settlement, medical expenses settlement, and personal injury settlement. I'm not out to make money on this as that just will not happen. But I have no car and will owe 5k still. I'm just like...f**k""
What car insurance do you have?
Im trying to find one that's cheaper I recently have 21st Century. What's the name of your car insurance and do you like it?
How much would car insurance cost for a new driver? liability.?
im bout to be able to get my car so i need to kno how much car insurance will cost for me. new driver. and liability coverage.
Does my teenager need to be added to my insurance policy BEFORE he receives his driver's license?
Three of my friends didn't add their kids until they actually had their licenses, and the driving school said that technically they are covered by the parent's insurance while driving with just a permit. When I called AAA, they said I needed to add him. If I don't have to add him to the policy until he's actually a licensed driver and save the enormous $$$ it'll cost, I'd prefer to wait.""
Questions about health insurance.?
I'm trying to get health insurance for myself since I have been to my doctor last week and he looked at my swollen cheek and said that it might be cancer tumor, but they're not sure about it and running a biopsy and will know by end of the week. Now, the health insurance companies are denying me coverage because I told them about the doctor's appointment and now considering the tumor as preexisting condition. I was wondering if I didn't tell them about the tumor and got the insurance and got admitted to a hospital, and the insurance company sues me later on; would that a valid sue or could I actually fight it? I only need the insurance till January since the Affordable Care Act comes out in January in which any preexisting cause goes out the window. Thank You!""
Really pissed with car insurances?
when you have a accident and it is you fault and you only have basic insurance but STILL you have to pay the damage of the vehicle you hit so why do we pay for car insurance if we still have to pay more? is like if i'm paying to fix the other car and still paying the regular price to my insurance. are they stealing? or why the government let them do that?
How much adding coverage for substitute vehicle to my insurance will cost me?
I live in Mass
""I am due to start driving next September, what cars get you cheaper insurance, and what other things can i do?""
i looked on some sites, some saying as much as 7000 in the uk, can i get that a little cheaper? thanks""
""If your under 30yrs old and you drive a car, how much is your car insurance each month, and who are you with..?""
i want to get a car, but don't know where to start, ive tried the insurance website, but not sure what some things mean, as ive never had a car before, i just want some kind of idea of what range of money i will be paying out each month..thank you for your time.""
Can i get driver insurance without owning a car ?
from who and roughly how much ? I've got a clean record.
Where can I find cheap car insurance in Philadelphia?
I know the auto insurance rates in Philly are expensive. Why is this and where do I go to find the best price?
If My Mom has insurance coverage can i still get insurance with her if i own my own car?
ok so my mom has car insurance on her car, but she was telling me she registers my car under her name that the insurance will cover me and the car. But if the car is under my name can i still get insurance with her??""
""After i register my car how much time do i have to get insurance, while still driving?""
I just registered it today and i was wondering if i can drive it around, till i get insurance this weekend. Im in MN.""
Need help with car insurance questions.?
I'm getting my license in a few months and I am looking into car insurance and so forth. I live in Gulf Breeze,Florida. Taking the drivers ed. class. Make A's in school. What would be the best car insurance company to go with? The cheapest car to insure? Anything really that you know and could give me information on would be greatly appreciated. Thanks""
Is AETNA a good health insurance to get?
my benefits package came from work, it offers medical from Aetna is that a good health insurance provider? What about Guardian Plan ppo for Dental??""
What are the books that insurance companies use?
What are books that are full of the variations of ways that people have died, that insurance companies use to produce statistics called or labelled as genre.""
What is required for a new resident in England (from Canada) to get car insurance?
Moving to England shortly, and it will be so much easier to find work and move into a new place if we have a car first. What information will we need to get insurance? We will be living with friends, so we could use their address and phone number until we get our own place. But will we need a national insurance number before we can get car insurance? British bank account? We'll be getting those things, but it would be so much easier to have the car first. Basically, what is required for us to provide in order to get a car bought, insured, and on the road? (We'll be paying cash.)""
Car insurance problem!!! Please help!!!?
My problem is that I had a car accident last monday, and I just picked the police report. I called the other person insurance (Which is responsible for the accident), and they told me that his policy is suspended because he didn't pay. Basically he was driving without insure. ***My question is what I need to do now??? I have a repair estimate, which is $1,400.""
Can I drive my uncle car but im under my grandmothers insurance?
I am under my grandmothers insurance and my uncle let me borrow one of his cars for a month. the car is under his insurance. if i was to get pulled over would i get into trouble for driving his car. all of his insurance information is in the car and his registration. and will i need to bring proof of me under my grandmothers insurance?
Is there any affordable health insurance out there(about 140-180 dollars a month)?
Not health savings accounts ...Is there anything by the government for Americans trying to live the American Dream on a modist income.
Medical insurance coordination of benefits help?
Husband & wife both have group medical insurance with their employers. His insurance is a bucket plan through Cigna called an HSA. It pays for the first $750 & then he has to meet another $750 before anything else is pd. Her insurance is Healthlink PPO with $250 deductible. If husband's insurance pays for his chiropractor bills in full (as not over $750 total) can these bills be submitted to her insurance to help meet the family deductible of $500? We live in IL. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/does-cost-money-my-dads-insurance-just-getting-drivers-kareen"
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alright it’s time again for Becca Overthinkin Things n Talkin To Herself
right now is really weird for me because it seems like?? there’s alot goin on and i’m Anxious bout it but I’m doin p well managing it???
my lil ask blog for Candy has got a fair amount of attention n it makes me really happy to see people like my weird clown robots, n I’m getting better at drawing them quickly so that’ neat.
it’s a good distraction doin asks n things to keep my mind busy instead o scrollin through my dash n startin to overthink. and one o my goals for this year was to start some sorta project, like an ask blog! n i did it!! go me!!
but it’s not so busy that i feel like i can’t leave it alone for 2 minutes
so that’s rlly nice
n what I’m rlly anxious bout is stuff that should be more in the forefront of my mind but silly clown robots have managed to keep it at bay like
Work is only gonna go downhill most likely and I’m gonna haveta find myself a new job here as soon as we move houses
did i mention we’re moving?
bc we are
i don’t know when really
but mom n pop n bones are all hoping sooner rather than later
and im so anxious bout making sure everything’s packed up safely n moved out and bout the house we picking being good nuff for a year while the garage apartment i keep hearin bout gets built
and im hoping we’re not tooooo too out in the sticks so that i can y’know have a job that’s not a 30 minute drive to the nearest civilization because my shitty lil focus would be at a 1/4 tank by the time i get to work on day 2.
and so when i bring a friend home it’s not like “if i didn’t know you i’d think you’re tryin to take me to a dead end to murder me” lmao
bones keeps talkin’ bout startin’ to do youtube stuff n idk I’m hopin for the best but i ain’t expectin it to become My Life like how they are
i wanna dye my hair but i know it’s alotta work to upkeep n idk maybe sometime after we move
or after i finish n take pictures of my Milly n Fem!Gus cosplays that still need to be d o n e like jeez
they’re simple!! why!! can’t!! i get my shit together!!!
atleast i got my first proper swing dancing dress finally
and i look cute as FUCK in it jus sayin like i felt rlly pretty that day at the con
kinda wanna animate lil doodle me in that dress swing dancin’ w/ somebody bc idk it’d be Cute but at the same time A Pain To Draw bc how swooshy the skirt would be
s p e a k i n g of s w i n g d a n c i n
i?? might have a datemate??? I mean we’re givin dating another try n i’ve managed to not muck it up in the whole hour since he asked me out but i ain’t sayin it’s official till I know I won’t manage to fuck it up tomorrow
one thing i’m worried bout though is one friendo o mine
we’re close as can be n i love them with all my heart just
not romantically
bc they’re fairly younger than me (like more than 3 years) and they’re gonna grow alot in the next coupla years n i wanna love and support them n how they grow as a person
but i don’t wanna date em
bc A. the age gap is big enough to where it’s Bad n there’d be a power imbalance it’s just how things would go n B.i wanna see them happy with someone closer to their age, maybe even closer in distance, and who’s overall better for them. they deserve better.
still love em
just not That Way, you feel?
though i think i Do feel that way bout someone else
n im p sure they might be readin this
ya nosy
but anywayss
though it’s alot more subdued than before
like
back when I Mucked Up and scared poor Potential Datemate half to death being an overly mushy nerd i was feelin butterflies for days, heart a gooey mess, still trying to figure out how to deal with the feeling i was having bc it’d been so long since i’d felt that way
now?? i feel alittle butterflies but it’s not an unmanageable amount like before
do i still feel mushy n stuff?? heck ye but it’s def alot more chill now if that makes sense
idk
I’ve sorted through my feelins abit now n im better bout how i handle em
n kinda thought of a funny lil allegory for how i’m gon try n approach all this bc I’m a fuckin Dork
a relationship can be like swing dancin, takes alotta work to get real good at it, n for things to get real complicated you need alotta trust in eachtoher and understand eachother. You start out simple n you start out slow while you learn the steps and you get aholda the rhythm, once you get used to it you can dance faster n you start seein how eachother dance, who leads, what eachother’s lil tells of ‘hey let’s do this move’ are, yknow? like when you’re dancing with someone n they’re gonna go for a twirl and they don’t need to say nothing or really communicate it that overtly it just sorta flows together. and the real fancy stuff doesn’t seem like too much a challenge when you trust eachother enough and can read eachtoher to know what to do.
but it’s important you go slow n learn the steps and eachother first, because startin to swing and not knowing your partner that well can be very awkward if neither knows who’s leading and one’s trying to pick up the other for a trick they don’t fully know.
tryin to jump straight into the deep end just ends up with people gettin’ hurt
so you take it slow n figure things out first, then once you get synched up and learn the steps you can try new things
there’ll be toes stepped on and shins accidently kicked but hey it’s all part’a learnin
idk this whole metaphor is super cheesy n probably doesn’t make that much sense but whATEVER
It’s my dang ramble post i’ll do what i want
n i’ve been cussin alil less bc of the candy blog bc i Refuse to swear on there bc Candy n her crew are Family Friendly gosh darned it
so that’s kinda funny
aah i need to get to bed already
have a bit o music for gettin to the end of this nonsense
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHCgp-jA8SY
#becca rambles#all jus me thinkin over the year so far n unimportant things probably#no Sad Stuff this time round
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