#idk i get this... vary nervous feel when i have to post something. also... i would just forget to post something too...

[chiptrillino]

Chip, sorry for asking, but aren't you from Europe? Tumblr says you posted some minutes ago, isn't it awfully late there? Are you okay??

you see... as i write my reply its 15:00 pm. but i am scheduling this post for 17:00 pm because i am a coward :') i rarely instantly do post something at the moment. all my post are sceduled. and for some reason i seteled on scheduling most my works in the middle of the night when i know i am asleep. (hopefully) or after work hours because idk honestly...

thank you for your concern anon! vary sweet of you

[ardenigh]

kevs?

additional notes in varying order of importance

- idk yet how i want the white accents to show up so it changes every time. is he redhood or not? none of my business yet

- eule-vos as a revan sort of functions as a morally chained and regulated version of whatever was going on with the revan anecdotes in kotor 2. he's still a win-at-all-costs type of guy. he'll still look at people in terms of what they can do to further his goals. he's the butcher on a leash. he's toeing the line for now because bastila and carth get weird when he doesn't but he'll also swan dive past it once they are out of line of sight.

- so ig, like, the butcher on a leash but he can step out of it whenever. he just doesn't want you getting nervous because that will be a whole nother issue to handle. he can heel just fine alright

- its like 1 am and i'm thinking about that post compilation that's like. guard/attack dog metaphors applied to people. or like how the devotion between an attack dog and the one holding its leash is as tenuous, sometimes, as the leash itself i don't know man whatever that's about. eule has shades of that. i think it's hard for any revan to not be a little unnerving on this front

- smth smth hk voice to give the illusion of control until the end comes or smth you know? like master like droid is all i am saying

- if, to solve a problem, a guy has to die - but he's with someone he values and who would disapprove of an outright murder - eule isn't above puppetmastering a circumstantial rube-goldberg execution machine yk. like, after a point does culpability even lead back to you? not really right? it's okay he will make it happen don't worry he can work within your moral constraints. you don't have to feel bad about it and you especially won't if you don't know

- (with all this in mind, outings with hk and canderous are also great times to cut loose a little)

- i don't think he struggles to love per se so much as i think that he can't do it conventionally it's always going to be built with an undertone of implacable duty or something like pity. and if he loves you he'll do it to death, only it won't be his and it might be yours. no single person is worth letting the galaxy fall, not to him

- everyone who has taken darth revan ever and smushed them together with the entire concept of having loved rome more... genius

- as is par for the course he is not a romancer he is barely a crusher alright the only remotely similar thing he's ever felt was for yuthura ban for about .4 minutes and looking back it might have just been that she's amiable and understands the shedding of morality for a goal but also, like, she's really purple and that's super eye catching (read: kev eule-vos is my walking excuse to never not bring up yuthura ban)

[findafight]

tell us the ship, explain your thoughts 👀

Me trying to be vague and everyone immediately perking up like prairie dogs ready for tea alskfnkdkd. Idk I don't think it'll surprise anyone on my blog I've spoken about it in the past. Just got annoyed at it always being there for no reason and not making sense to me one too many times, I guess.

It's r0nance. I simply do not vibe with it at all. I think, if given a sterile au where there's nothing and no one connecting them and no homophobia to worry about, it might be interesting to possibly explore them being attracted to each other but realizing their personalities and goals and priorities clash too much to work out. A bright first fling into maybe-love that fizzled quickly. I've sort of done this in my post o66 sto bin au for them, but I'm probably not going to actually explore it there. (As it's already in the past even during the war for that au)

But in fics that try to be more or less canon/fix it type deal, it really doesn't make sense to me without even mentioning the hairsprayed elephant in the room. Robin and Nancy's personalities don't seem to mesh well, what with Robin's rambling tangents and Nancy's need to focus.

Robin would probably want to do something specific with her life, but she also wants to wander! Her parents are hippies and she wants to visit Paris. She wants to travel in Europe, and probably stay at sketchy hostels and backpack in the mountains, talking to locals that she doesn't have to worry about ever seeing again. Nancy is planning on immediately going to her dream school after highschool and likely pursuing a career right out the gate. She's very driven and focused, wants to go out and seize opportunities that can assist in reaching her goals, and I don't see Robin's dreamier personality traits fitting with that.

I think @thestobingirlie mentioned that while Robin and Nancy both experience the sexism and misogyny of the 80's, Nancy doesn't experience ableism as Robin does. And she doesn't try to understand where Robin is coming from, only openly appreciating her efforts after she ranted at the hospital director.

Robin rambles! We see her either ramble or give clipped answers ("I'm Robin I work with Steve!") When she's nervous or under stress or excited! We see both Nancy and Steve react to these rambles in different ways. When Robin goes off topic in the library with the conspiracy paper, or talks a bit too much about how much she talks a bit too much, Nancy's annoyed. She's initially dismissive of the national Enquirer esq newspaper Robin brings up that helps solve the case (go Robin!). Robin babbles at Steve a lot, and he never makes her feel bad about it. She rambles about rambling to Vickie and the Muppet joke and he adds little commentary as needed, letting her go, or he cuts her off with a little joke during her rabies freak out. He lets her ramble or lets her know she should stop without being actually annoyed and letting her know that by not telling her outright to stop. (She knows immediately that it's a joke, and she jokes back, although understandably nervously. I love them.)

Them being a background pairing so often is annoying, though to varying degrees. If it's just as Robin's gf mentioned I, like others, just kinda...change it to Vickie's name in my brain lol. But other times it's not and it just. Doesn't make sense why Nancy would be such close friends with Steve (her messy breakup ex!) and Robin and Eddie. That girl has big city dreams, she's getting the hell out of her tiny hometown and not looking back. Let her be free!!

I mean obviously the bit I hate about it is that Robin holds a grudge and Nancy broke Steve's heart, which I don't see as compatible, even if we take into account that it's likely Steve and Robin have no idea Nancy cheated on him, and that Steve is an unreliable narrator and blames himself for the breakup. Steve and his relationships with both Nancy and Robin are so pivotal to all three of their characters that ignoring the history there seems a disservice to the complexities of their relationships with each other.

[itzpris15634]

S O

Exams are coming up. Instead of studying, I wrote some silly thoughts I’ve had about my LPS humanizations. Because that’s more fun!

Disclaimer, these are just my personal perceptions of them- feel free to disagree on anything.

Oh, and. Since a couple of these mention their appearances, here’s a link to the post i made with their designs: https://www.tumblr.com/itzpris15634/735150326041247744/first-time-posting-on-this-account-here-we

Ready? Let’s go!

-First, let’s mention their sexualities. Sunil is pansexual, Zoe is bisexual, Pepper is also bisexual (with a preference for women), Penny is asexual and heteromantic, Vinnie is also bi (with a preference for men), Minka is aroace, and Russell is demisexual.

-All their colored hair is all natural. They just live in a world where human hair colors varies a whole lot more.

-Musical instruments? Ooh, yes! The ones that are most into music are Sunil, Penny, and Zoe. Zoe sings (pff, duh-) Sunil can play guitar- both electric and acoustic, but he prefers electric since it sounds cooler. Penny is learning piano. As for the others? Vinnie did drumming back in high school (he and Sunil would even play together sometimes) but he doesn’t as much now. Minka likes the smaller, portable instruments- idk how to describe it, lol. The stuff like triangles, maracas, tambourines… Meanwhile Pepper and Russell just aren’t into playing music that much, but will cheer the others on.

-Russell’s canines are a little sharper and longer than normal. The others like to joke that he’s a vampire because of it.

-Penny has a collection of stuffed animals. Her favorite is a blue-purple panda (which is literally just the actual panda Penny Ling from the show lol-)

-Minka has a fascination for bugs. Going out and observing them, collecting them, studying them- girly just finds bugs interesting.

-Contrasting with Sunil- he has a big big fear of bugs. And Pepper loves to exploit that fear. Most of the time its just playful scares involving plastic bug toys. Or pretending a bug is on his neck or something. While to her, his reactions are funny, he doesn’t think the same.

-In terms of money, Zoe is the most well off among everyone. Her parents are super rich and have spoiled her throughout life. So she does the same to her friends. She’ll just buy them extravagant, expensive gifts out of nowhere. Of course, everyone is friends with her beyond that, but it’s a neat little bonus.

-Pepper is super particular about smell. She owns several different perfumes, colognes, deodorants, sanitizers… Which one she picks depends on her mood for the day.

-Oh hey, more Pepper. When she gets nervous, she’ll sweat. A lot. Kinda adds onto the previous headcanon listing; she’ll use all this stuff to hide the odor. Sometimes she’ll go overboard though, and mix up different clashing scents together. so it becomes kinda strong and overwhelming.

-Vinnie can be super indecisive. Say for example, going to a restaurant. If he’s already been there many times before and already knows his favorite, then perfect! He’ll just go with that. But when it comes to new places… oh boy. He’ll take frickin’ forever to decide. So he’ll usually tag someone along to pick for him in cases like that (usually Sunil). He’ll probably end up liking it anyway.

-Minka wears crocs, right? And you can put lil jibbitz on crocs, right? Well, each jibbit on her crocs represents each of her friends- a banana for herself, a book for russell, a sparkly magic wand for Sunil, the same flower Pepper wears on her suspenders, a bow for Penny, a microphone for Zoe, and the same gecko foot print on Vinnie’s jacket.

Aaaaaand that’s about all I’ve got for now! Should I do more? Maybe even with more characters. Blythe? The other (humanized) pets? Do tell.

[zannolin]

F G & L for the fanfic ask :D

o/ 'ello

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

this again!! fortunately i have plenty of dialogue i can talk about. this scene from meet me in the middle (of the parking lot) is a personal fav:

“We aren’t doing anything,” she says, nudging the skateboard towards him with one dirty sneaker. “You’re gonna get all your nervous energy out, and I’m going to watch to make sure you don’t break my board.” “Okay first of all, I’m not nervous—” “You literally can’t sit still. You were pacing a hole through the linoleum, like, two minutes ago. I was there.” “—and second,” Mike continues, ignoring the fact that Max is very much right, “it looks like someone already broke your stupid skateboard.” He glances very pointedly at the duct tape wrapped around the deck. Max flushes and curses herself for it. She puts her fists on her hips, juts out her chin. “My stupid stepbrother ran over it on purpose, okay? Now shut up and get on the skateboard.”

i feel like i managed to write it just like i wanted AND i can hear both of them saying these lines in my head, especially the "it looks like someone already broke your stupid skateboard" line. don't ask me why but it just works for me. i captured the hostile 13 y/o vibes i feel like. i have a perpetual tiny madwheeler in my brain and they are just saying words all the time and sometimes i stop and write them down. you know?

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

it varies! usually i write them start to finish after making a rough outline, but if i get stuck i've been known to go backwards, or simply skip whatever i'm stuck on and go to the next scene. i wrote 5k of good luck, babe! before i wrote most of close encounters, and then glb itself was an actual disaster because i was working from about six separate versions of the outline and constructing every scene after that initial 5k in a totally separate document, completely out of order, and then moving them to the main doc for editing after i finished. it was a TIME okay. and when i was writing objects in motion i completely skipped the first wheel scene for a while because i kept getting stuck on the damn thing. bane of my existence honestly. i prefer to write them in order because i get really mixed up mentally if i don't and start worrying about the details not lining up or something, but sometimes you just Gotta skip y'know.

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

god only knows. every time i open a wip to work on it, i will reread the entire thing and edit it as i go. i will also do a proofreading run once before posting and once after posting, so at least two times, and anywhere up to like, idk 20 depending on how long it takes me to write something. i do not have a normal revision process—much of it happens in my head and in the outlining phase��so my creative writing teachers hate me as you can imagine.

ask game!

[sugar-cube-person]

Gotham guys noticing that their male coworker has a crush on them?

Hi thank you so much for the ask! I will try my best as this is my first male reader ask and if I get anything wrong or if there’s anything you don’t like just lmk! Again thank you so much for the ask and sorry it took so long :)

Gotham guys x male reader

Description: H.C.’s of the Gotham guys realizing that their coworker has a crush on him.

Warnings: None 

I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR THIS TO BE POSTED ANYWHERE EXCEPT ON MY TUMBLR AND WATTPAD, my wattpad is @itz_sugarrocky. Reblogs are accepted, reposting my work as your own isn’t. Thank you :)

BUTCH GILZEAN

he would notice right away

he would definitely discreetly tease you about it too there’s no doubt about that, just a fact

I don’t think he would know how he feels right away but he knows he feels something for you 

I mean he is pretty tall but if you're taller than him he would love it

when he confronts you about it he does it like

“Yea you know we should go do something after this job since you like me so much”

and you’ll have to do a double take

cuz like, he’s so nonchalant about it

In the end he’ll definitely ask you out first, what can I say, he’s confrontational

he figured it out when you were on a job for Fish and he had to use the john, and he heard you talking to yourself at how “stupid, stupid, stupid, he’ll totally like a guy like me who maKES UP WORDS” 

he finds it adorable tho lol

OSWALD COBBLEPOT

ok so I wholeheartedly believe he would like you first

just your personality and stature and everything about you

then when he notices you like him back? 

HOO man your in for it lol, he’ll go the whole nine yards

he’ll invite you to something and be super nervous and you’d be super nervous

Its a nerve-fest

and like it would be a gradual thing

to where you both just keep kind of flirting but also being super awkward?

but he would end up asking you to be his fellow king of Gotham with him or help him overthrow Falcone and Maroni

It just depends on where you meet him lol

he’ll notice it because you’ll agree with him on everything and your always staring and making goo goo eyes at him 

ED NYGMA

OOF as we all know, he’s gonna notice right away

and I mean RIGHT AWAY

he’ll definitely be kind of confused about it 

but if you don’t idk kill his girlfriend or something he would definitely get with you 

this man would give you a complex riddle when he tells you he knows you like him

just in general he likes you back ofc

but he obviously not all that open with it considering *ahem Oswald ahem* his personality 

he’d probably wait a while to tell you he knows you like him tho

he’ll notice the crush by means of body language

weird ik but I feel like that’s how he would figure it out

JIM GORDON

oh Jimmy boy would be so clueless until Ed or Foxy says it as if it’s something obvious

like you’d be interrogating somebody and they would just be like

“you are lucky to have him helping you out, when are you going to do something about that crush he has on you?” 

or something like that (sorry I’m crap at doing dialogue) 

once he does find out tho he would just be honest and ask you right away if its true

now after that he would definitely find some reason to risk his life or something bc its Jim Gordon we’re talking about

then you’d just slap him and tell him he’s a dumbass lol

you guys go for coffee as your first date :)

JEROME VALESKA

He’d know exactly when you realize it for yourself

sorry but there’s no sugarcoating this 

he would show his, uh, affection, by doing what he did with the bodies for maniax

but spelling out “I LIKE YOU TOO” instead

now the sentiment is there

but ofc he’s never had a real role model for any relationship in general

so he’d wing it for everything

JEREMIAH VELESKA

I’m sorry but he would know about your crush on him before YOU even know about it

like wayyyyy before you know about it

now depending on which jeremiah you get you’ll answer will vary

if it’s pre-spray jeremiah, congrats, he will be very gentle with telling you he knows

but post-spray jeremiah will be harsh i’m sorry

he’d be all like

“yes yes I know you have that silly little crush on me but it doesn’t excuse the fact that you aren’t doing your job” *cue eyeroll*

but if you worship him enough he’ll date you

he noticed you liked him since you kept hanging around him and asking about his plans and offering help more than was deemed “normal”

VICTOR ZSASZ

ok so heres the deal

he pays zero attention

so he’d have no idea until you tell him

you’ll be on a hit and then tell him that for such a successful hitman he sure isn’t successful at notice when you like him and then you like, start shooting or something

real badass

and ofc he asks you out for milkshakes after ;)

[stitch1830]

Ok, so I keep seeing your posts and have had more Zutara thoughts because of them (thank you for that, btw 😊) so I was curious if you have read any fics or like the Mom Friend!Katara and Dad Friend!Zuko trope? It’s one of my personal faves.

Some common things I’ve seen with this are:

Zuko noticing Katara does a lot of the work while staying at the Western Air Temple and stepping up to help, but Katara is rightfully wary of him at that point and gets frustrated for varying reasons

Katara getting sick from constantly doing everything for so long and Zuko helping take care of her and the Gaang while she’s down for the count (usually happens after TSR so they’re slightly awkward friends at this point)

Katara and Zuko late night conversations where Katara isn’t just being Zuko’s therapist, or Zuko isn’t just being Katara’s therapist, but they’re giving each other advice and listening to each other in equal measure overall (even if some nights one is feeling more down than the other and they focus on that for just that night)

Katara and Zuko getting some solid cooking together/doing chores together/bending together content

Katara and Zuko getting teased by the Gaang bc they’ve started to call them Mum and Dad when they’re being extra Momtara and Dadko (you know what I mean lol)

Katara and Zuko working to comfort anyone else in the Gaang over relationship problems (usually Sukka stuff here with misinterpreting stuff and overthinking and all that), childhood issues (Toph and her stuff with her parents), not feeling good enough (Aang, the sweet boi son who is so nervous abt all the pressure on his shoulders), or just war trauma stuff (nightmares and cuddles from Momtara and Dadko - is best with Toph imo)

Toph accidentally calling them Mum or Dad while super tired is the wholesome stuff thing

Idk if you’ve got other stuff that you’ve seen or headcannons you’ve got abt this trope, lmk bc I feel like I don’t seen enough of it lol

Hello! Thank you so much for the ask, and I'm glad you are enjoying the HC's. We all deserve to have Zutara live in our minds rent free haha!

I actually don't think I've read a specific fic with that particular trope, sadly. I'm kind of new when it comes to reading Zutara fics and haven't spent too much time exploring ao3 (There's so much I was shook the first time I glanced at it!). I've seen a few fan art comics with this referenced, that's all though. But, I am totally on board with this headcanon and honestly think it's super accurate. It probably should be explored more!

Both Katara and Zuko seem pretty selfless when it comes to their friends and family, so it would make sense to me that they take care of the others first, either individually or together. And then in turn, noticing when the other is struggling and offering support. It's probably an interesting story to see how they navigate the rough waters, because Katara is probably somewhat skeptical of Zuko still, and Zuko just isn't sure how to handle the situation. They're also two of the most mature members of the Gaang, so it makes sense that they take it upon themselves to take care of the group. (Also the cuddle sessions? Talk about uwu).

If I were to add to this list, I think they would often scold the group if they were only using a single braincell between them all.

Zuko probably stays up the latest in the group to watch for any trouble. Sometimes he notices Katara or another member of the Gaang shivering, so he'll give them his blanket.

I can see them when they're alone complaining to each other about the group's shenanigans and finding comfort in being able to relate to each other.

Katara would scold the group for giving Appa too many treats. But then Zuko sneaks one more apple to the sky bison :)

This might not fit the HC, but maybe if Zuko needs to tell Katara something and he's afraid of her reaction (maybe it's bad news and they're all already stressed), he'll practice his speech on a badgerfrog.

Katara and Zuko definitely spar a ton together and they learn each others moves and tendencies well. That's why they're so in sync during their practice battle.

Those are my immediate thoughts on HC's! Also, if you have a fav fic with this trope, feel free to send it my way! Love reading some good stories haha. Thanks again for the ask, and hope you have a nice day! :)

[shenzuns]

@junshang​​​​  sought:  how's  their  relationship  with  their  immediate  family  ?  how's  the  sound  of  their  laugh  ?  (  if  they  laugh,  that  is  !  )  for  shen  yuan  !!  //  how  do  they  act  when  they  cry  ?  (  if  they  ever  do  it  )  for  sqq  !!

𝚑𝚘𝚠'𝚜  𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍  𝚘𝚏  𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛  𝚕𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑  ?

mmm  i  think�� he’s  very  restrained  when  he  laughs,  like  he’s  always  nervous  about  Something  he  can’t  quite  name  ?  it’s  anxious  and  quiet  most  of  the  time.  usually  something  brief  and  as  a  distraction  method.  but  !

when  he’s  in  a  comfortable  place,  or  something  is  Really  funny,  just  That  funny,  he’s  definitely  someone  that  goes  from  quiet  to  loud  !  not  super  loud,  but  it’s  really  pleasant,  like  when  you  can’t  help  yourself  and  it  just  keeps  coming  ?  like  a  kid  who  can’t  stop  !

he’s  very  physical  in  a  lot  of  how  he  portrays  himself,  super  show  don’t  tell,  and  when  something’s  really  funny  he  does  tend  to  throw  his  head  back  a  lot  !  he’ll  hunch  over  or  grab  whoever’s  nearest  (  or  shove  their  arm  lightly  LMFAO  he’s  a  brat  ),  or  knock  his  glasses  around  in  the  process.  it’s  pretty  silly  and  Definitely  leads  him  to  get  super  embarrassed  but  there’s  varying  degrees  and  it’s  entirely  dependent  on  who  he’s  with  !

very  mellow,  he’ll  often  ‘  hum  laugh  ’  to  muffle  the  sound.  it  comes  in  bursts,  and  sometimes  he’ll  snort  but  he  really  tries  not  to  bc  that’s  So  mortifying,  if  u  manage  to  get  him  to  do  that  though  ?  well  done  !  now  you’ve  got  an  embarrassed  shen  yuan  on  your  hands  !  

he’s  also  a  giggler  ?  which  like.  idk  what  it  is  i  hate  that  word  BUT.  LMAO  he  is,  definitely  the  type  to  hide  his  laugh  and  smile  behind  his  hand.  but  again,  he  doesn’t  laugh  much  around  people  he’s  not  close  with  and  if  he  does  it’s  quiet  and  kind  of  muted  unless  you  manage  to  catch  him  off  guard.

𝚑𝚘𝚠'𝚜  𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛  𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙  𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑  𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛  𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎  𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢  ?

ooo  this  is  something  i  turn  over  in  my  head  a  lot,  bc  i  imagine  he’s....  fairly  close  to  them  ?  but  also  quite  distant  !  there’s  a  way  he  handles  himself  post  transmigration  esp  w/  regards  to  his  family  that  makes  me  wonder  a  lot,  and  i  think  he’s  always  believed  himself  to  be  quite  a  burden  on  their  shoulders,  so  while  i  don’t  think  they’re  not  loving  !  i  think  there’s  some  strain  on  his  relationship  with  his  parents  and  siblings,  a  distance  that  while  unintentional  and  definitely  also  on  his  part  too,  which  contributes  a  lot  in  how  he  interacts  with  other  people  around  him.  HOWEVER,  HOWEVER  !  i  do  think  he  is  pretty  close  to  them,  just  very  distant,  and  with  a  lot  of  his  own  issues.

i  think  there’s  definitely  a  gap  between  the  relationship  with  his  parents,  and  older  brothers,  that  comes  from  a  feeling  of  not  quite  being  what  his  parents  want,  or  wanted,  him  to  be  ?  and  he’s  lucky  in  a  way,  bc  if  i  remember  correctly  he  has  two  older  brothers,  so  they  take  care  of  things  that  he  doesn’t  inherently  have  to  worry  about  !  but  there’s  definitely  a  strain  there  from  pressure,  his  own  feelings  of  inadequacy,  to  being  a  very  indoorsy  person  (  not  always  his  own  choice  )  which  means  meeting  up  with  them  doesn’t  happen  very  often  in  conjunction  with  them  being  very  busy,  presumably  business,  orientated  people.  i  also  think  he  isolates  himself  out  of  a  feeling  of  care  bc  he  knows  they  don’t  like  seeing  him  ill,  and  he’s  like  that  so  often,  so  he  hates  to  see  them  worry. 

the  closest  he’s  with  imo  out  of  everyone  in  his  immediate  family  is  absolutely  his  younger  sister  !  i  have  so  many  cute  li’l  hcs  about  how  he  used  to  dote  on  her  as  much  as  he  could  when  they  were  younger,  and  i  love  when  ppl  come  up  with  their  own  versions  of  who  she  is  as  a  character  bc  i  absolutely  know  that  she’s  someone  he  misses  dearly.  

he  doesn’t  rly  talk  about  his  family  in  canon,  and  i  do  think  that’s  bc  there’s  a  grief  to  be  had  there  which  means  he  doesn’t  Want  to  think  about  them  &  what  he’s  lost  or  what  it  all  means  more  than  necessary,  BUT.  HE  DOES  MENTION  HER  LMAOOO  AND  SO  YEAH  she  is  the  one  he’s  closest  to  given  how  distant  of  a  person  he  can  be,  which  isn’t  Always  his  fault  but  yeah  !!!!  i  think  he  misses  having  that  younger  figure  to  dote  over,  i  think  he  misses  her  more  than  he’ll  ever  say.

TLDR;  it’s.  u  know,  it’s  going.  he’s  pretty  distant  from  them  but  he  does  love  them  dearly  and  to  some  degree  knows  they  love  him  back,  but  it’s  distant  for  sure  !

𝚑𝚘𝚠  𝚍𝚘  𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢  𝚊𝚌𝚝  𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗  𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢  𝚌𝚛𝚢  ?

soooo  claps  my  hands  together  !  as  we  Know  he’s  not  someone  that  cries  often,  and  he’s  rarely  ever  conscious  of  it  because  it’s  just  not  something...  he  does  ?  it’s  always  been  associated  with  physical  pain  for  him,  he’s  very  withdrawn  about  his  own  emotions  and  with  that  comes  him  being  a  very  quiet  crier.  he  doesn’t  want  people  to  know  that  he’s  crying,  he  doesn’t  like  the  vulnerability  or  the  fuss  that  comes  with  it  and  if  he’s  questioned  too  much  he  does  lock  up  and  get  very  indignant  or  at  times  cold.  being  open  isn’t  an  easy  thing  for  him  !  he’s  more  likely  to  cry  alone  and  silent,  pretending  as  if  he’d  never  cried  to  begin  with,  than  to  actually  tell  anyone  or  to  let  people  see  that  he’s  crying.

i  think  about  the  mauso  arc  a  lot  because  that’s  the  first  time  that  he’s  ever  openly  cried  in  canon,  and  even  then  it  was  something  he  tried  hiding  !  few  people  will  ever  get  him  to  the  brink  of  tears,  and  granted  he  DID  have  to  tear  fungi  from  his  skin  which,  reverting  back  to  my  point  on  physical  pain,  was  the  initial  cause  for  his  tears  but  i  also  think  lbh  yelling  at  him  (  which  wasn’t  bomgy’s  fault  bc  sqq  didn’t  listen  )  was  definitely  something  that  furthered  it.  honestly  if  the  candles  didn’t  light  up,  i’m  not  sure  if  bomgy  would’ve  ever  seen  him  cry  (  unless  he  noticed  tear  marks  or  smth  )  because  sqq  would  rather  die  than  openly  admit  to  it.

it  also  swings  ‘round  to  his  many  issues  with  being  seen  as  a  burden,  which  is  funny  considering  his  actions  y’know  but  i  do  think  that  he  has  this...  idea  of  being  a  burden,  being  frail,  and  he  hates  that  bc  he’s  had  to  deal  with  it  enough  once  before,  so  he’d  really  rather  Not  share  that  handful  onto  other  people.  but  yeah,  when  he  cries,  he’ll  do  it  in  his  own  space  privately  if  he’s  conscious  of  it  because  a  lot  of  the  time  he  isn’t  very  keyed  in  to  his  own  feelings  as  a  result  of  just  not...  wanting  to  be  ?  if  something  is  foreign  to  him  or  there’s  a  revelation  he’s  not  comfortable  having,  then  he’ll  just  completely  close  himself  off  to  the  idea  of  it  (  even  if  it’s  still  in  the  back  of  his  mind  circulating  ).

but  yeah,  he’s  just  very  quiet,  very  distant,  very  solitary  when  he  cries.  it’s  a  really  big  act  of  trust  on  his  part  if  he  cries  in  front  of  someone  Knowingly  (  on  account  of  him  not  necessarily  being  aware  of  it,  he’ll  definitely  shield  himself  off  though  unless  you’re  someone  he  Wants  to  trust  but  even  then  he  might  be  a  li’l.  stiff  at  first,  unsure  of  How  to  act  )  bc  he’s  just  not  someone  that  will  reach  out  for  comfort  and  he’s  absolutely  the  type  to  pretend  as  if  the  situation  never  happened  even  if  his  face  and  the  other  person’s  shirt  (  if  he  chooses  to  cry  into  someone’s  shoulder  but  i  think  he  might  bc  he  wouldnt  want  them  to  See  him  cry,  he  can  be  kind  of  sensitive  about  his  image  and  how  he’s  perceived  at  times  ).

BUT  YA  TLDR;  all  this  to  say  he  doesn’t  cry  in  front  of  people,  he’s  very  quiet,  usually  by  himself,  and  prefers  to  pretend  as  if  it  never  happened  !

he  also  definitely  cried  after  he  pushed  binghe  into  the  abyss  imo.  just  bc  canon  doesn’t  outright  state  it  doesn’t  mean  it  Never  happened  and  it’s  likely  ning  yingying  or  ming  fan  have  come  into  his  room  after  he’s  hastily  put  himself  together,  and  they  KNOW  he’s  been  crying  but  they  can’t  exactly  say  anything.  he’ll  literally  pretend  like  nothing’s  happened,  and  often  times  doesn’t  even  register  that  he  has  been  crying  bc  his  mind  is  likely  far  off  thinking  about  bomgy  and  trying  to  come  to  terms  with  EVERYTHING  that’s  happened  (  including  transmigrating  bc  dying  and  losing  ur  whole  family  is  Not  an  easy  thing  to  deal  with  despite  what  he  thinks  and  how  he  comes  off,  i  Know  he’s  not  coping  )

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I’m so scared that I’m gonna lose the people in my life if I come out as aro. And I also feel like I’m being some silly tumblr person by using aro terms and stuff, if that makes sense. Like, a lot of my aro journey was on tumblr, and I got a lot of other resources from aro/ace tumblr blogs too while I was questioning. Like. Most people irl won’t know half these words, won’t know what a qpr is, won’t understand or take it seriously. I feel like my whole family will be judging and mocking me if I come out and ever get in a qpr or talk about things like amatonormativity. Idk how my friends will react either. A lot of them are queer themselves, and I’m out to one of my best friends, who accepts me whole heartedly, so I’ve got that. And some other friends who I trust with my life and know would be okay with it all. By some I mean two or three. The rest I’m genuinely not sure will understand or take me seriously. What if I really am just silly and being over dramatic and over label-y and all? No one in my life knows what this is, I have no guarantee they’ll respect it, let alone understand it. My sister is ace, so she knows it, and she’s one of the people in my family I think would stick by me. But everyone else I don’t think so. And ik it’s gonna sound stupid, but everyone else I meet, they just. Won’t even know or understand or take me seriously. Bosses and strangers and potential friends and peers and all. Ik you’re not supposed to let other people drag you down and be scared of being judged or whatever, but that’s so much easier said then done, especially when it hinges on almost everyone you’ve known your whole life. And it doesn’t help that I know their doubt will only enforce my own. I struggle with believing that different attractions exist, that qprs are valid, that IM valid. Sometimes I feel like I’m making it all up, like I’m just engaging in some conspiracy theory. And another little fun point is that I often really like and get queerplatonic crushes (I forgot the term ajdbdksbdj) on people who are allo. So there’s a high chance they wouldn’t ever get in a qpr with me, even if they knew and understood what it was. I have a rlly big qp crush on this one guy rn who I just have the sneaking suspicion would most likely never be in a qpr. And even if he were, then that leaves me with the fear of him leaving me behind for a romantic partner. Ik this ask sounds really insecure and all, but I just. Can’t get over it. Like none of its real, or it’s so, so small, that I’ll lose half of my family and friends.

Honestly coming out is hard, and it’s especially hard when you don’t know how people are going to react, or you’re afraid you’ll lose their support or damage the relationship if you do come out. And it’s very normal and reasonable to be nervous about it, or have fears over it. 

I do think it’s great though you’ve already come out to a couple of people and have their support. Definitely don’t be afraid to lean on them a bit, especially as you tell other people, or make plans on how you’re going to come out to others.

Remember you don’t have to be out to everyone, or you can kind of pick and choose how you want to come out or how you want to be out. So like if there’s people you’re not that close to, and it’s not important to you that they know, you can just not bother coming out to them at all. 

You also don’t have to do the big coming out conversation where you explain exactly what aroace means to everyone too. There are other ways to be out, like wearing pride stuff/having pride stickers on your bag, having a post on your social media or putting it in your profile, etc. And then if people don’t get it or care, they can look it up or ask you themselves. 

There is a good chance your queer friends will know what aroace means too, or at the very least they’ll know what asexual means, and likely know what aromantic means too. So how accepting they’ll be may still be a question mark, but it will likely be less explaining than the straight people in your life. 

For the coming out/explaining, sometimes people have an easier time getting their heads around things if you start with an explanation rather than the terminology. So saying ‘I’m not romantically/sexually attracted to people’ may be a better starting point for some people than ‘I’m aroace’. Or even ‘I’ve just never been interested in dating/sex at all’ and you can throw in ‘I still want a life partner of some kind, but not in a romantic sense’. And then once they kind of get their head around that you can start explaining terms. Definitely for people you don’t think will know anything about the aroace community/identities, start as simple as you can. And you can elaborate more down the line.

People’s reactions can vary a lot, personally I’ve never gotten the ‘that’s a tumblr fad’ reaction, but I have had people who just went ‘that doesn’t compute’ and completely ignored the information. Some came around eventually and some didn’t. Some people do get weirdly angry, but a lot of people also surprised me with how quick they were to just accept it and be supportive. I do think it can help a lot too when you’re worried about being accepted to make it a 1 on 1 conversation where they’re invited to ask questions and give feedback and then it’s more of a conversation that they’re involved in. And slowly do that with everyone you’re close to or care about knowing.

I find sometime too when people are doubting it’s a real thing having strong sources to back you up can help too. This can be a Wikipedia article, it can be a Guardian or Huffington Post article, there are scholarly sources too though they’re less accessible to mot people. But it can help you a lot too with the ‘this is a real thing and not something made up on tumblr.’

I’d also say remember the big rules when it comes to coming out. Do it on your terms, do it how you’re most comfortable with, and how it works for you. You only have to come out to people you want to be out to. 

All the best, and good luck!

[dolcetters]

vanilla sunday .

no one asked, i just heckin’ felt like it m’dude. under readmore for length. i’ll try to keep my answers relatively to-the-point, too, since this’ll be a longer post but feel free to inquire on things or ... whatever u-u/ aye. i go sleep now.

is your muse a romantic? do they dream of love and marriage?

short answer: no.

as a teenager, dol didn’t have much interest in pursuing a romantic relationship with any of his peers around yuflam--or at all, really. by the time he got to academy things were either too busy or starting to get too tense for him to consider the idea. and shortly after that he went over a decade thinking he’d never even see sunlight again.

at this point, he just... --it’s just another thing he might want but doesn’t recognize it as something he wants. because he’s earnestly so bad at listening to his own desires and is more than willing to cast them aside if it means aiding someone he cares about achieve their own.

is your muse a deviant? are they overly flirtatious or forward?

no. there’s no real expansion on this, just no. <xD he tends to be much more bashful and sheepish, partially because of aforementioned inability to recognize he might want a relationship with someone. and even if he DOES realize this, he’s... extremely self aware. we’ll leave it at that.

is your muse good at kissing? are they experienced?

NOPE. and no. he’s never kissed anyone.

does your muse initiate a lot of physical contact?

nooooo no no no. he has an anxiety disorder (haphephobia) revolving around physical contact and even something as “small” as shaking hands or a shoulder bump can make him very nervous, uncomfortable and alert. the reaction is almost doubled if it comes with the sensation or energy of being grabbed.

it’s going to take a lot of time, patience, and trust for him to be comfortable initiating physical contact with you.

is your muse comfortable with public displays of affection?

no, for both the above reason as well as the paranoia that comes with being a fugitive/legally dead. the less attention that’s drawn to him, the better. at most, he’d hold your hand... but refer to the previous question for that.

does your muse steal clothing from their partner?

less “steal” and more borrow. due to having limited resources after escaping the labs and very few belongings he can truly call his own, dol wouldn’t/doesn’t just take or use things that belong to friends, family or potential partners (part of this spurs from his OWN resource guarding). he’d be more likely to approach you while you were brushing your teeth and be like “hey, s’it cool if i wear your hoodie today” and then respond based on that answer.

and he’s going to ask you every time. he doesn’t assume.

is your muse the big spoon or the little spoon?

varies! but most likely, when they’re facing each other, he little-spoons because pressing his face into the curve of the neck just above the collar is not only secure and comforting somehow, but he can hear your heartbeat.

when one of them is facing away, he tends to big spoon. --and obviously this is all assuming he’s at that level of comfort when it comes to physical touch + the partner.

is your muse comfortable with, or proud of their body? are they insecure?

complicated?

he’s very comfortable and proud of his body when it comes to his physical build, strength, fitness, etc. his strength and speed is something he values and keeping himself healthy and capable is very important to him. he knows he’s done a good job (those arms don’t lie) and he takes pride in that.

~however~, being a chimera... --he’s optimistic, yes. he’s just happy to be alive, of course. it’s not so bad. ...but he is fully, deeply, and painfully aware of how someone might react to witnessing some of his “quirks” when it comes to his splice or the idea of being with someone who isn’t entirely human. and the fact that he often became a target of light jabbing and jokes with the nesties, because dog behavior is much more well-known and commonly familiar than croc or snake or bull behavior, has only added to this awareness.

then, of course, there’s the added detail that he’s not even a perfected chimera. he’s just a successful one. a C- on some government biology test; barely passing.

so yeah. there’s some surface level pride, but... a lot of shame underneath.

is your muse attracted to any features in particular?

physical? no.

he has a soft spot and respect for people who refuse to give into their pain, though. where he experienced trauma and fear and let it make him hardened in a lot of ways, there are other people who have only become brighter, warmer, and do whatever they can to keep someone else from experiencing what they have.

to say he admires that trait in a person is an understatement.

have their crushes been mostly male, mostly female, or evenly split?

he’s only really had two, and they’ve both been gals, so i guess that makes it mostly female. i’ve mentioned before that he might have been uselessly in love with martel in the time before the raid (whether she felt the same is unknown) and he in default verse is lowkey sweet on rose.

have their partners been mostly male, mostly female, or evenly split?

he hasn’t had a partner.

is your muse easily flustered? do they blush, swear, etc.?

yes, yes, yes. him being flustered is usually a combo-result of: (1) not being used to that kind of attention from someone he actually likes,  (2) having no idea how to respond, (3) internalized shame over what he is, and (4) he’s a fucking idiot.

where is your muse most sensitive?

his head, mostly, especially on his hair line and around the ears.

and i can 10000% promise to you that if he ever lets you comb your fingers in his hair or rub around his temples and you make some kind of dog-related-comment, you’re actually going to cause a shit-ton of psychic damage i’m gonna need you to roll like 10d6 for me.

please, please please please don’t ever refer to him as--or make jokes connecting him to--a dog in moments that are supposed to be vulnerable and/or intimate, i can’t... express this enough, it will hurt him.

is your muse more submissive or dominant in a relationship?

idk, i guess submissive but again: idk

would your muse ever tempt their partner, e.g. flirting, wearing tight/sexy clothing?

nah. not really his thing.

if he does “tempt” them it’s going to be sincerely accidental. like... yeah you walked in on me doing pull-ups i guess. would you hand me my water bottle? i’m parched.

does your muse initiate heated/sexual contact, or do they wait for their partner?

i feel like this question deserves it’s own post because i have a LOT of thoughts regarding rosecetto, specifically, on this topic.

outside of that ship, however, the answer is likely no. he’s not the initiator primarily for touch-anxiety reasons and also chimera-related-shame reasons, even if the partner has assured him there’s nothing wrong with him in the past.

does your muse leave hickies? do they ask for them?

eeehhhhh???? ... i guess accidentally sometimes?? and no.

does your muse like to be pinned down, or to pin their partner?

that’s a big NO. if you pin him down, even if he’s reached a point of security with you that he allows you to touch him, you’re going to flare up any of that anxiety that had previously subsided. he’s been physically restrained and held down far too long and all for bad/painful reasons, and he can’t associate it with anything other than “they’re going to hurt me and i need to get away, no matter what i have to do”.

as for pinning his partner, it’s likely also a no because he’d just... be too aware of his own trauma to even try doing it and he’d probably be uncomfortable being asked to do it.

has your muse reached first/second/third base? home run?

honey, he’s done nothing, he hasn’t even swung--

would your muse be interested in engaging with multiple partners?

no. he doesn’t see anything wrong with it when it comes to other people but this is definitely not for him or something he could be comfortable with.

would your muse ever send a sexual text message? would they send pictures?

n/a, but even in modern verses the answer would be no

does your muse read smut, own magazines, or watch p-rn?

nah

is your muse the type to discuss their sex life or sexual prowess with others?

abso. fucking lutely. not. no no no.

at absolute. MOST? he might open up to sakura (yinseal) about it. maybe greed (avadite). and it’d only be if he felt like he was doing something wrong or felt overwhelmed and self-conscious. but otherwise this is his and his partner’s business.

is your muse a top, a bottom, or a switch? do they have a lean?

defaults to bottom but will top if asked or in some circumstances.

crystal has confirmed that rose (forsakenflora) tops, so jfdlfjklsjkldhsd

how interested is your muse in sex and sexual activity?

he’s not.

it’s not a priority of his, and he definitely doesn’t want to hear about yours.

do they have sex frequently, occasionally, or rarely?

not at all right now jf kljdklhshf lhfklsdg

[rainecloud020604]

idk many of ur ocs so talk abt the one you wanna talk abt the most! and if u dont know who u wanna talk abt most, give me 10 random facts abt the last oc uve drawn

oh oh oh okay *looks at gore drawing I just did* *nervous sweats*

Sinnnce you dont know a lot about my ocs I can give you 10 facts about Sketch! One of my comfort ocs, I'll give you some things that some people already know too

They're a Toon! Appearing like a black and white toon with a splash of gold shes technically not a pure black and white toon due to her odd ability to gain color!

She cannot feel touch or pain but it doesnt mean shes immune to it, in fact its her strength and weakness at the same time. Their body will react to touch without her being aware at all unless she sees it, his body also will tire out and when fighting its not exactly the best thing to be unaware of how tired you are before you just black out in the middle of it. It also sucks she's blind in her right eye so she also has an open blind spot constantly

Sketch is not a demon despite her appearance of looking like such, so holding a crucifix up to them wont do anything but get you dirty looks and a smack upside the head

They were formally an underboss for a gang for a while before turning on everyone due to the fact that it took them awhile to realize what she was doing was wrong due to the fact that how they ended up in the situation was them trying to cope with all of her anger and trauma in the wrong way

Sketch is Genderfluid! (which I never made a post addressing this its just on their ref sheet) Pronouns vary depending on the day but most of the time its She/They, she doesnt mind He/him either and prefers masc terms over feminine (exception being mama or aunt), also pronouns are She/They/He/Iel/Yel (pretty much any combo works but I mostly stick with she/they when referring to him)

They're also neurodivergent! Sketch is semi aware of it but it isnt something that they would deem an outstanding feature, she enjoys stimming in private though rather than getting judged when doing it in public, she also talks with her hands!

She has a pet snake named Doodles which is a paintbrush snake that if you see him (which she will carry him around about 50% of the time) wears a creamish sweater they knitted for him and sometimes smol fedora, he isnt typically aggressive unless its towards people Sketch clearly doesnt like or who get too close and are a threat

Currently, they hunt down gangs and pretty much interfere with their activity and deals with a good friend of hers Trebble, every other Thursday due to the fact that she hates gangs and also thinks the police doesnt do much at all

Iel is a natural singer and performer, granted they have a bit of stage anxiety and also feel like she isnt any good at singing due to her ex pretty much tearing yel apart when it came to their talents

Due to their toonish nature they dont scar easily, which explains why she isnt covered in scars other than the one she has on their lower back and thigh, typically it has to be another toon who does it or themselves

[firepiplup]

How do i say no to people

You know that analogy about people with adhd having spoons for energy management or whatever? My spoons are on backorder from like 2 months ago and more got on that list now

The problem is that all of the things I'm being asked to do are Very Important Things

I have to feed my diabetic cat. This in itself is not a problem, however she's needs to eat at a specific time (12 hour spacing) and my current sleeping situation along with work do not allow this to happen consistently. Currently trying for 7:30, we'll see how it goes

My apartment has bedbugs, and there's no way in fucking hell I'm sleeping on my living room floor until my scumlord landlord actually gets the guy to come back to spray because he did spray but I'm still seeing adults and i "need to give the spray time to work" it's been fucking 2 weeks i don't know how is supposed to work but i feel like after 2 weeks whatever spray you did isn't going to get any stronger i just want to sleep in my own bed it's been like this since fucking March

With that part explained, I'm sleeping at my mom's house on the other side of town. This in itself isn't much of a problem, however as "payment" i have to take care of her dog in the morning, to practice because she's going on a week long vacation in October and none of her dogs can just be taken care of like normal dogs. He needs to wear a diaper to leave the room while i pick up his shit and soiled weewee pad and mop the floor, give him some time to be out of his room, and then feed him his special food mix. The other dog has allergies and probably will get into something he shouldn't, then not use the bathroom outside even though he literally has a doggy door that has constant access to the backyard. Neither dog get along with each other, which is why they are separated. Thank fuck the cat is just normal, this is why i prefer them

Now with THAT explained, it's difficult to take care of my own cat on time in the morning. But as the legendary Billy Mays says: But wait, there's more!

I just got rehired at my job working in a local understaffed pizzeria. My friend, ego also works there, is on vacation (good for her, she deserves it, absolutely no negativity towards her) so i have acquired her hours. So i now work 6 days a week, kinda sorta clopen but i guess it's more of opelose. Or a combination of both? Idk. The point here is, I'm then dealing with essentially running half a restaurant alone 6 days a week, with it not being 7 purely because the owner himself ALSO has the same work schedule as far as I'm aware, and wanted to give himself a day off, and since we are so understaffed it would be impossible unless we literally closed. My tasks include answering the phone, washing dishes, making sandwiches, making dinners, folding pizza boxes, and cleaning the tables/equipment on that side of the restaurant. So essentially everything except making pizzas, cleaning the pizza area, mopping in general, and driving. We generally close at 9, 10 on Friday and Saturday. Guess who was explicitly rehired to close those days? Guess how that's going to work with me having to be home around 7:30 to take care of my own cat? I have no idea either. It's only for about 3 weeks, but my mom, whom i have not asked for any additional help with anything, won't feed the cat while i have work, even though there isn't a guarantee that i can leave on time to THEN RETURN to close, because again I'm the only one on that side of the building. I understand the fear of the bedbugs, so that's probably it, but it still fucking sucks because the kitchen is on the other side of the apartment from the bedroom and there is literally no reason to go there to feed her. But i get it

Did we get to where i can do my own ADLs? Of course not. My neighbor is in the hospital, and her husband is blind. This is a new development that was only discovered an hour before starting this post (about 3:30 am for me). She's ok, it's for mental health reasons, and that's her own business about that. Her husband being blind is not a new development however. And he needs help taking care of the pets, specifically the birds. Which is fine, they just also need to eat on their own schedule. 8am, around lunchtime, and 8pm. Guess who's still at work? One of the birds is special needs because her beak got injured and needs to be essentially spoon fed. Which the blind husband can't do at all. Fairly simple task, but just adding to my obligations that are Very Important because they involve making sure things don't starve to death while my neighbor is in Crisis

Ok let's see, that's 4 Very Important Tasks/Obligations, and only one was originally my own voluntary one. Still not at taking care of myself yet, but i have my shelter, i have my job ("part time" minimum wage, hurray. Part time because even with me being there 6 fucking days a week open to close it still isn't technically enough hours for the state to recognize it as full time), and I'm taking care of *counting* about 8 pets for the next week. Will unemployment give me my money that I've been claiming since March? No? Will they let me claim with my new working hours that makes that while process even harder? Technically but it'll take over an hour for it to process and it doesn't even do that in the end? Well fuck, guess i have to wait to get paid on the books in cash and beg for a hand written paystub and have my hours worked written down. Glad i earned $100 this week, i hope now that my hours have increased i get some more

Next on the list, appointments. Because I'm a dumbass who can't remember shit if it isn't consistently recurring, i overbooked myself for next week. My much needed therapy appointment with my therapist that I've only met once and is the replacement for my much better therapist that i actually had a relationship with is supposed to have a session with me on Tuesday. Will i remember to do it this time? Possibly since i actually remembered it's on Tuesday. Will she send me the reminder text with the zoom link? Probably not. Wednesday, my one day off, thank fuck for that, is the main problem with the scheduling. My med appointment is for 11:30. Cool, can do. Driving lesson at 12. Oh, that's a little close, but i can manage that probably. I only average 1 lesson per year and a half, so it's fine, it's "healthy" to be nervous about operating a death machine powered by explosions. Have to go to social services to pick up, or attempt to, a new food stamps card. They probably close at 5, and add a Non Driver, i need to rely on someone to take me. The sooner the better, but it can't be during the lesson. Don't forget to take care of the creatures before and during all of this.

Ok. Great. There's an hour before work. Time to shower, because it's so fucking hot I'll be sweating like crazy by the time i get around the corner to the pizzeria, with me literally getting out and dressed and then walking out the door. Glad i finally did still to take care of myself. Eating? I might have something i can heat up quickly while the cat eats and so i can take my own meds. Dishes? Those are going to have to wait, i hope the heat wave doesn't get too bad, but it's been like this for a while, still slowly chipping away at them. Sleep? Severe insomnia. I partially blame the bed, my mattress is so comfortable, i hope the bedbugs like it because i can't fucking use it right now. I'd be sleeping so fucking soundly if i were in my own bed, and yet here i am. Maybe i should take the Trazodone now. I just hope I'll wake up on time. Oh look I'm exhausted, can't afford to buy comparatively better prepared coffee from Dunkin, so i guess my shitty at home coffee is going to have to do. Black because i don't have any creamer or milk or lactose free milk in my house. Just the way i hate it. Gonna have to deal with that i guess, maybe I'll learn to like it

The coffee pot lives in my fridge now. I'm worried to put it with the other dishes because if it sits there, not being washed like everything else, then i won't even have the option of coffee. It's just water and ground up beans, I'm sure it's fine

Maybe i can find some kind of coping skill/hobby to help me through my limited me time. Let's see.... I like to crochet, and that helps me get through the dishes by letting me alternate between them and a row/round on one of my many started projects. What? It's in a giant garbage bag with a bedbug treatment stick because of the damn ass bedbugs? Can't open it for at least another week and even then there isn't a place to put the yarn safely? Well fuck. I found that really helpful with keeping me grounded. Umm, well looking online, i should *checks notes* buy new yarn in the meantime and keep it somewhere safe. Uh, well, i can't afford more yarn now and i have nowhere to put it. Videogames it is maybe? Oh fuck now I've hyper focused too long on pokemon, rhythm heaven, and whatever daily games i do, i think i have 5 of those of varying lengths of time spent on them

Did i remember to brush my teeth? No. Do i remember that i should and then when i get out of the shower so i forget to actually execute? Yes. Have i gone insane? Probably

How many spoons is a person supposed to have per day? It takes more for me just to get through the day in general. Why does everyone need me to do their Very Important Tasks? Why is there never anyone else? Can my neighbor just not buy more birds when she gets home from Crisis?

I just want to have good mental health, why is this so hard

[delta-magnetic]

soooo i might've been thinking about a certain some ask game again and decided, fuck it ima answer all the questions that im actually able to lol

i've done 5, 16 and 17 already but to add onto the latter two:

16. here's another 3 because yes- Welcome Home (Sanitarium), Ronnie, and Dirty Window

17. I HAVE MORE NOW BITCHES. now have Master of Puppets, Load and Death Magnetic! AND Cunning Stunts!

alright rest under a cut lol you know i love to ramble

1. (fun fact this question is why i was thinking about this again lol) AAAAAA i shall say, lars! i'm sure meeting any of them i'd be nervous/a little awkward, but i think lars would do best at diffusing that. plus getting to hear him go on and on about whatever, in person?? yes please

2. i have made, shitposts galore (and also 2 uquiz's, the most recent one actually being all around good lol)

3. also thought abt this one a few times since seeing it hmmm, a few come to mind, but you know what i think would be fun? struggle within on drums. i'm sure that intro is a recorded thing if/when it's ever done live, but lets just imagine. plus for me personally? i know i literally have a guitar in my room, but drums seem fun, and when i think drums + metallica, besides some of the obvious answers (one, master of puppets), this song is what i think

6. i'm sure most would go for ultimullet here, but you know what i'm gonna pick? 2019 james. i always want to put my hands in his hair but like, something about '19,,, soft old man ilu

7. i have not seen it! though i've heard it's good, might have to watch it someday

8. definitely museum with lars. dude loves art and would just be giving out insight galore! not bendy or strong enough for kirk or rob, and while i love james and also taking walks, i would be slow and idk if he'd wait up for me fjkdblsksnj

9. holy shit there are, so many... could go for any of the songs from Load yet to be played live tbh, but my answer shall be Devils Dance!

10. i'll admit, haven't listened to all of garage inc yet, but i really like Die, Die My Darling!

11. again haven't heard many of these, but omf their cover of 53rd and 3rd is [chefs kiss]

12. maybe an obvious answer, but st anger. it's weird, i really like the first half of it off the album, but then after that??? eh?? but live puts some of that missing, emotion?, into the 2nd half i'm wanting (plus yknow, SOLO !!!!)

14. oh lort. again, so many. im srry i cannot pick kjnfsdbkj, but i will say i know i'd pick somewhere in missouri! which seems kinda lame, but getting to say i've seen metallica in my home state would be pretty cool

15. you're tearing me apart dude!! i know it's a pretty typical answer, but black album! i wouldn't even call it my favorite album, but sound wise? definite favorite

18. i don't have much, but i really do live in that master of puppets shirt. it's comfy, one of my friends bought it for me because i didn't bring any money (not expecting to want to buy anything lol), and it was my first metallica thing i ever owned!

20. tickets to a show, i cross out but tbh, it's true! other than maybe s&m (1 or 2), yea collecting is cool but i'm not chomping at the bit to own every single album actually! wanna have the ones i'll actually listen to regularly yknow?

24. tbh lars with any of them would be a treat, but having to concretely pick pairs? lars and james, kirk and rob. lars and james are so many years of friendship, they both always have something neat to say, and having them bounce off each other in an interview would be cool. kirk doesn't speak that often, and i think getting him with rob would get him a little more chatty perhaps

...oh you also asked what i'd ask lol. idk man, especially to lars n james. maybe to kirk and rob i'd ask if either of them like, found new/different artists they liked through each other (since i know they both have pretty varied music tastes)

25. i am answering these all at 1 in the morning, so maybe i'd be able to think a bit more if i did this at a more reasonable time, but either way holyf a lot from Halo On Fire. just to pick one?

I fear to turn on the light // For the darkness won’t go away

26. hmm again, 1 am, head is kiiiinda no thoughts head empty for some reason?? though luckily not too empty, bc just sitting here thinking for a second, Bleeding Me just popped to mind?

27. ooooo, if they were just on their own (not with family or friends) i'd probably try my best to not freak out and just be like "hey i love your music"

...and maybe ask for a hug

28. tbh i want to dress like cliff lmao, but my actual fashion sense? think like, current kirk but if he did not spent 600 bucks on everything and generally toned down a LOT (keep the graphic tees tho)

29. oh i can't remember who said it, but someone said something like, whenever they'd screw something up in the studio, cliff would just, look at them so disappointed njdfsbnkl

30. almost definitely kirk i'd say. i'm super shy, but if you get me talking about something i really like? unlikely to stop

31. YOU ARE MEAN !!!! my answer though, shall be kirk n lars! you want reasons? they're just neat!!!!!!!!

33. nah, if anything just because i don't have any of the social medias they're really on

34. hmm, not that i can think of?? partially because i haven't seen a ton of their inner-workings type deals, and they seem alright

35. just going general here, but memory remains. i just do not like that song for some reason

36. ...you know what idk how long this will even get but this post is already long enough so screw it this is getting it's own post lmao

37. tbh any of the more "moody" songs? like especially older ones, particularly Fade to Black and One. idk even what mood i need to be in to listen to them, but definitely not a regular-casual listening one

38. lowkey made a whole post about this lmao, but for a short answer for here: my uncle playing (the song) master of puppets whenever i was in the truck with him!

39. [looks at all of you very lovingly]

40. oh for sure. a few months ago i was out of town and, not having a good time. and putting on some metallica songs made me feel a lot more at ease

[subbyboymax]

I want to ask you all of them 🙈🙈

So why won’t you ask all of them? Huh anon?

Jk I love you whoever you are. As requested:

1. Zodiac sign 

Taurus. I don’t really pay much attention to zodiac stuff but I’ve heard from friends that I fit the stereotypes somewhat.

2. Sexual orientation 

This is hard because I’m kinda questioning atm, but I would say I like women and identify as NB using male pronouns which I personally feel is accurate to me, but I still am unsure myself what that actually means. I am still figuring myself out.

3. Relationship status 

Single and honestly looking. I’ve had one girlfriend in high school and I’ve had romantic interests since but I have such low self confidence that I end up being too nervous to really pursue a relationship.

4. Someone you miss 

My friend Rebekah. I miss her a lot. She’s like a sister to me.

5. Person who’s arms you’d like to be in 

Hmmmmmmmmm... anyone really...

6. What you find attractive in Men/Women? 

Typically I find personality attractive and looks don’t really matter, but usually someone’s smile and eyes draw my attention the most.

7. How tall are you? 

5’7 or ~170cm but I wish I was more smol.

8. What you love about yourself? 

Already answered

9. What you’re doing tomorrow? 

I’m probably going to exercise and play games with my gaming clan.

10. What are your future plans? 

My goal is to become an electrician, but I also want to go to various Asian countries and try to improve my Asian cooking by studying the food culture all over east asia.

11. Your last night out in detail?

Oh god I don’t even remember the last time I was out at night... I guess it was last year when I had my heart broken and I went to a really nice bar and spent $200 on alcohol and was GONE. Never again. Ended up being hung over for the first time in my life.

12. Your favorite book? 

Hmm... favorite book(s) would have to be the Ranger’s Apprentice series of books. Good story, good characters.

13. All of pets you’ve ever had?

I’ve had so many pets I could make a whole post about them and may do that later.

14. Something that changed your life? 

Unfortunately too many things have happened to change my life more than I would like. I still can’t really answer this question fully.

15. Do you remember your last dream?

I was basically playing a game that turned out to be an isekai and I basically had a SMG and had to fight off a dragon. Shit was weird but very vivid. It’s weird because I don’t particularly like guns or dangerous stuff in general. 

16. What your last text message says? 

“Keep me posted! We should meet up and have a toast to it!” was sent to my friend Renè, who has been my best friend since birth pretty much. Our parents were close while they were pregnant with us and we are practically brothers. He’s getting a house near where I live and we will live in the same state for the first time since we were 8 years old. Obviously we will social distance but we still had to celebrate and see each other to mark the occasion.

17. Do you respect your government and the way your country is run? 

Absolutely not. Please vote biden if you live in the US. Even if you hate the idea of voting for biden, he’s better than trump. If hillary had won, she would have been putting her third justice on the supreme court. Biden is the only chance for our freedom and for the freedom of many people. I am terrified of 4 more years of trump.

18. Where you would like to live? 

South Florida, where I was born.

19. Your  favorite flavor of ice cream?

Depends on my mood, but typically strawberry.

20. Last thing you ate?

Pizza that was left over from last night. 

21. Which swear word do you use the most? 

Fuck. Like I use it so much it’s stupid.

22. Your plans for summer?

Heh... plans...

23. Any upcoming concerts?

Bruh if only. Like I work as an usher and as a stagehand, so if any concerts were happening at all I would JUMP for joy. And I am CHONK so jumping is not exactly the most comfortable thing to do. 

24. Something that you’re proud of?

That I am finally committing to getting therapy for my long list of traumas. 

25. Do you still talk to your first crush?

I wish I could, but she’s not part of my life anymore, sadly. She was a good friend. 

26. What language do you want to learn? 

Japanese, because I really have a strong interest in their history and culture and want to go sightseeing there someday.

27. Where have you lived before?

Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and St. Louis, Missouri.  

28. Eye color?

I think it’s green or something but it changes depending on the light because it’s sometimes more silvery idk.

29. Favorite style of clothing?

Traditional Japanese formal wear. It’s always been an interest of mine. 

30. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

All of one minute to throw on an outfit and get socks on. I wish I had an eye for fashion but hopefully if I ever have a partner, they will help me with my style choices a bit lol. 

31. Where did you go today?

Nowhere, because pandemic lmao. 

32. Where are you right now?

In my room wishing I could have cuddles. 

33. How many countries have you visited?

None because money is not exactly a thing we have an abundance of.

34. Something old?

What does this mean? I guess I have my great grandfather’s old stamp collection. 

35. Something new?

Hell if I know, I’ve had nothing new in months.

36. Something inherited?

My laptop.

37. Is death more scary than life? 

Hell no. Death is easy. Life is scary and overwhelming but it’s worth living the life you have. You only lose out on life by dying before your time. You gain nothing in death, despite it being less scary and uncertain than living is. Keep living to experience everything you can and have no regrets once you do pass on.

38. Experience you’ll never forget?

The time my high school crush complimented my hair in physics class. I get very few compliments and I never feel that attractive so I hardly focus on my appearance but I had brushed my hair that day and the fact she commented on it made me smile very wide.

39. What’s your favorite part about today so far?

Honestly today has sucked and I have been dealing with depression but I am trying to stay positive. Hopefully the answer to this question changes later today! 

40. Who is your hero?

My Great-Grandmother. She was part of my life until I was 17 and she taught me that kindness and compassion is the most important trait for a human to have. She was the most amazing woman I have ever met in my life. 

41. Are you happy with where you live?

I love this house, but it’s definitely not perfect and I would love to have my own place someday. 

42. Do you like your handwriting? 

Ew no it looks like alien language. It’s so bad. I can barely read my own writing.

43. What do you wear to bed?

Typically just underwear, or in the winter I will wear a T-shirt and fleecy pants.

44. Tea or coffee?

Tea

45. Chocolate or Vanilla? 

Chocolate hands down. It’s such a varied flavor imo. 

46. Are you excited for anything?

Being okay someday. 

47. How late did you stay up last night and why? 

Midnight because sleep is hard.

48. What’s your ringtone?

I’m boring and keep my phone on vibrate so no ringtone.

49. Did you have a dream last night?

Yes, I said it earlier. 

50. What keeps you going each day?

Honestly no fucking idea lmao.

51. Picture of yourself?

You’ll have to DM me for that one, friendo. Anons get no face pics!

Also for the other people who sent in asks, I saw them, but I figured I could just use this ask to consolidate and not spam posts. Thank all of you for sending in asks, you are the best <3

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

Tagged by @kiwimeringue (and @iamanartichoke had an open tag so I’m counting that too)

Age: 33

Gender: Female, although if you could design real-world bodies like in a game character creator and there were no consequences to your choices, I’d be...pretty androgynous physically (but it doesn’t really affect me enough IRL to do anything about it, or at least for me the cost/benefit analysis lands squarely on doing nothing, which is why I don’t consider myself nonbinary)

Star sign: Sagittarius, or possibly Ophiuchus but nobody really knows that exists. I know almost nothing about astrology though so it doesn’t really matter (like, anytime I see people saying things like “haha this is classic Sag” or “never put two [signs] on the same project!” I’m just like...I literally have no idea what you mean so I’ll take your word for it) 

Height: 5′3.75″, yes that 3/4 inch is important

Sexuality: hella aroace, but also hella queer in general in ways I don’t really know how to define, which is why I like queer

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw, although I probably have traits from most of the other Houses too

Favorite animals: I mean...lots. anything cute. bats and foxes are great. I went with dolphins as a kid so there’s also that.

Current time: almost 5 p.m. whoops, the day went...somewhere 

Dogs or Cats: I love both, but I gotta go with dogs. they’re just...they’re so good. (funnily enough, I used to be afraid of dogs when I was a kid, and even after I got enough dog experience and also height to get over that somewhat, I just kind of...didn’t realize I was a Dog Person until I got Scully and then it was kind of like “OH, I LOVE BASICALLY ALL DOGS ACTUALLY”. I’ve had two dogs and two cats in my life, and my feelings for my dogs have been way more intense than my feelings for my cats, which...I kinda feel bad about? idk, maybe it would be different if either cat slept on my  bed.) 

Blankets you sleep with: during winter, I’ve got like...uh, 10 including a heated blanket, and I’m still usually cold? although I don’t leave the heated one on while I’m sleeping because that makes me nervous. the rest of the year it varies based on temperature but sometimes I get hot enough to use a single sheet or nothing, which I hate.

Dream job: I’m honestly not sure I have one. I think anything that might seem like a dream job for me would either turn out to be much less of a dream than I’d thought or would cease to be a dream as soon as it became a job. I mean, considering how quickly non-job things I genuinely want to do turn into “nooooo I don’t wanna, it’s haaaaard” as soon as I feel in any way like I have to do them, it’s safe to say that would happen but even more so if one of my hobbies turned into an actual job. mostly I just want something that isn’t horrible and that leaves me enough time and energy to do things I actually want to do, with major bonus points for things like relevance to my education, a casual dress code, and my own office, and my current job does check all of those boxes. (I mean, if we’re being completely honest and also stretching the definition of a “job,” my actual dream job would be...not a job. I would get paid to do whatever the fuck I want. so...UBI, I guess.)

When did i make this blog: August 2009, holy shit. at that point I had just finished undergrad and had just barely started thinking that maybe feminists had a point, which also means I was still conservative about literally everything else because feminism was essentially my gateway to other progressive ideas. kind of goes without saying that I still thought I was straight. wow. there are...definitely some shitty opinions in the depths of this blog, because I have changed so much since making it. at some point I suppose I should really try to find and then edit or delete those things, although Tumblr sure does not make that easy, and I do think it’s potentially valuable to have a record of this kind of thing.

Followers: the only reason I don’t have a complex about this is that I never think to check my follower count. apparently it’s 1,384? that’s...more than I expected. I generally do a quick check of new followers’ blogs to see if they look like bots, too, so...probably most of those are real people? on the other hand that’s a lot of real people who don’t interact with any of my posts >_<

Why did i make this blog: well, because @plenilune (and others in my general Livejournal orbit, but lbr it was mostly because of them) made one, mostly. and when I checked it out it seemed like the digital equivalent of a commonplace book, which was something I’d always sort of wanted to do and didn’t because it was too much effort.

Reason behind my URL: it’s a line from a song by Brave Saint Saturn, if I remember right--the part I like even more is “sometimes the bravest thing is to hope,” which is pretty much always relevant, and that (or something similar) was my blog title for a long time. (I actually...don’t like their music all that much, but I do like the lyrics a lot, and those bits stuck with me.)

I...cannot brain enough right now to think of people to tag. if you see this and you want to do it, consider yourself tagged.

[archieism]

feel free to ignore if this is insensitive. but i've seen you post a few times that you smoke weed and i have a few questions about it because i'm writing a fic right now where my main character smokes weed and i don't want to write it incorrectly. so a few quick questions if you don't mind. first, if you smoke too much is it possible that you start to not feel the affect anymore? two, can you lose your memory? three, does it always make you feel goofy or does it depend on the person? thanks.

hey i’m super late answering this but no worries about insensitiviy! i don’t find it insensitive, anyway, but i’ve also only smoked very occasionally and not very much, so i don’t know how well i can answer these? 

as far as question one goes, i’m guessing you mean can someone like build up a tolerance for weed? as far as a quick google search reveals, i think you can and might need to increase the dosage so to speak in order to get the same high at some point, but it doesn’t create physical dependencies like other substances that have similar effects can. this is a nice article for more details if you want, but a quick quote from it is: ‘In other words, a cannabis smoker has less CB1 receptors in their brain than non-smokers do, but they start to bounce back after just two days of abstinence, and return to almost–normal levels after four weeks of abstinence.‘ but, the study only had a specific sample amount, and was only tested on male participants, so idk how the results might vary. 

to question two, i honestly have no idea lol  another quick google search pulls up stuff like this ‘While marijuana won’t cause blackouts or amnesia, the drug can cause short-term memory problems, fuzzy thinking and forgetfulness. Memory impairments may improve with abstinence.‘, but this is not a vetted source WHATSOEVER sooo 🤷 this is a short article from a harvard article which is probably more trustworthy, which ultimately says ‘The extent to which long-term use of marijuana (either for medical or recreational purposes) produces persistent cognitive problems is not known.’ at the very least, if you’re asking if weed can cause like blackouts similar to getting drunk, i’d say at least that’s a no?

question three is kinda the only question i feel somewhat confident answering due to my personal experience and gathered knowledge. how you feel when you’re high differs from person to person and honestly day to day. sometimes i’ve felt a bit giddy and floaty while others i’ve felt twitchy and anxious. it can depend on different strains of weed, different amounts consumed, as well as you’re own body or just mood at the time you’re smoking. there are kinds that are more likely to help you relax while others are more likely to make you feel more bubbly. how much you smoke of course highly impacts how much you’ll feel whichever effect, as well as how deeply you breathe it, etc. 

in my experience, i’ll get a little smiley, laugh at things that aren’t really that funny as well as crack more jokes that are also not that funny, but also feel a bit uncomfortable physically at the same time. my eyes will feel puffy even if they aren’t pink like lots of peoples’ eyes get lol they’ll feel puffy enough i just want to close them, but of course if i’m cracking jokes n laughing, my eyes are even more likely to crinkle up and contribute to the feeling more. i’ve only gotten high enough to impair my actual physical faculties like twice; once just enough to make my gait feel weird, bouncy and heavy at the same time, another enough to have me dizzy even just shifting around in bed. i am also one of the unfortunate souls to get cannabis shakes lol which i mean.. some people get twitchy due to anxiety, but after googling my experience, apparently some people get twitchy like their nervous system is being a bit overwhelmed, which was a little scary to feel when i didn’t know it was normal. or not that abnormal, at least. 

my sister who’s smoked a lot more than me said something like weed can sometimes amplify your mood, so if you get anxious while high, you might be more likely to spiral into it, while if you feel happy, you might just feel really, really happy. i’m honestly quite the greenie (lol); i only know bits and pieces from topic to topic, but i hope i could help even a little? if not, i’m sure google has lots of insights of peoples’ personal experiences, which.. is harder than having a tumblr stoner to ask, but i don’t wanna misrepresent either hdkvs but !! yeah idk thank you for asking though, and i hope you’re fic writing goes well <3