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posts-from-employee-427 · 2 years ago

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(Important Pinned Post)

(Hey so uh. Hi yes hello. Stanley Admin here. I don't like doing serious posts but some things have been bothering me for a while so.

I wanna start by saying this is all /lh. It's just a stupid taspblog and it's not really that serious, I'm not mad at anyone, I'm just realizing I really need to be more reaffirming on some overstepped boundaries.

I'm just gonna like. Bullet point these cuz idk what I'm doing.

I'm going to try to make a small summary of important events for people who showed up late. Try. I'm not promising anything because writing summaries tends to be very draining for me but I know it's a lot at this point. That being said please don't ask for summaries of large events in my inbox, especially of they're from a while ago. I can't get to all of them and some of them I've already summarized in the past. I've made it clear in the past that while I understand the importance of summaries at this point please don't expect them because it is exaughsting to try and create a comprehensive post of everything important from those events.

Also with asks. Ok how do I word this one. So obviously we handle a lot of sensitive subjects on here and all that. And I love angst! It's a great tool in the writers box. But if you're sending an ask that's... kind of clearly not in character agnst an more just venting, please stop that. I've had several people do this. And some have stopped, but some still do it. I'm sorry. I'm just going through a lot as well and don't know how to also help someone else or even respond to it. especially when it's several people. In character is fine!! In character makes sense and is cool. But when it's like, ok this is out of character, idk how to respond to that. Sorry.

And on characters and lore I love the amount of anon blogs that have popped up! I really do!! But. Ok story time. Once upon a time I was clarifying how anons act in the parable. I clarified that they aren't actually part of the parable, but rather outside of it and capable of interacting or changing things by interacting with Stanley. I tried to be rather insistent on this for some time, but as more people ignored it I kinda just. Gave up. The reason I was trying to insist on this is because I felt like having anons in the parable may like. Disrupt Stanley's actions. Like recently!! When Stanley reset and it effected people who it technically shouldn't have effected. It adds a weird layer of Stanley's actions effecting people who realistically shouldn't be effected by a reset.

Obviously there's exceptions. Like 432 who is obviously in the parable cuz. Yeah. ABPA you could even maybe make a case for, but how the character is handled it really works out. He's part of Stanley's universe though not part of the parable. His own thing interacting with Stanley. Like being stuck in a constant time loop in a void and getting a postcard from your buddy out kareoking saying wish you were here. It works.

Actually let's talk about the mintcident real quick. The mintcident is a great example of bending the rules but still working. It didn't break really any previous lore despite interacting with the parable. It was it's own contained thing that even cleaned itself up with a reset. Everyone was on board and it opened up the gates for me and Naradmin to do literally whatever the hell we wanted with a hard reset, and it's how we even got human narry. It was one of the first major actual plots we did beyond just hijinks. The only thing before that was when Stanley talked, which happened on the same day. It drew back on the carrot association talking about if Stanley was sacrificed to a cult what would happen, and worked itself really well. Mint and Gnarly if you're reading this you handled this greatly and it's why the mintcident is so important to this blog now. I remember they even apologized in case it messed with a prior plan (it didn't lmao).

The point is there can absolutely be exceptions to the rules but. This exceptions aren't often because. It usually doesn't work out. I'm glad when it does! It's always fun to see peoples like and how they interact, but when it gets in the way of the pre set rules I made to not cause any trouble, it gets a little difficult. Yeah.

That's all I can think of right now. This is getting pinned cuz it's kind of important, and as we're entering a new setting I wanna just. Re establish some boundaries. So things run more smoothly and it's less stressful for me. Again I'm not mad I just wanted to bring this up cuz some of this has been really stressing me out and I tried to type this all as delicately as possible. I'm really hoping any of this actually makes sense. Obviously this is all my own stuff and I can't speak for I Naradmin agrees with these boundaries or if they're even reasonable, I may be way out of line asking for this and yeah sorry. Idk how to make these kinds of posts. Not sure what this will look like for people moving forward, I don't have a good answer for solving these problems, but I should probably acknowledge them anyway. Sorry for the long ass post. I'm gonna go drink some lemonade and answer some asks in a bit.)

#not employee 427 #(please read.)

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writingbywatson · 3 years ago

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Genshin Boys With A Dense Crush (Part 2)

Here is part 2~ so, the reason why I didn't include Bennett and Razor is the fact that I can never write for them, like IDK why but its just very hard for me. So yeah, sorry about that. Part 1 (Albedo, Childe and Diluc)

Chongyun

Dense + Dense = more dense

It was painfully obvious that Chongyun likes you but for some reason, he can’t quite figure that out for himself

But everyone around them knows

Xingqiu is actually on the road to writing a book about the two of you

Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, and Yan Fei are betting on how long until Chongyun realizes his feelings

Chongyun doesn’t know why he likes to see you every day, wants to have meals with you, and why he gets uncomfortable when he sees you with another person and smiling at them

Maybe it was the work of g-

“Oh I like them” -Chongyun one day when he woke up

He consulted his best friend Xingqiu about this and Xingqiu just placed his books down and said “dear archons finally, it was getting very painful to watch”

So the two started planning a cute little confession scenario

Somewhere Xinyan and Yan Fei are crying because they lost the best but Yan Fei is arguing that betting was illegal and has no ground in the law… Yan Fei, you betted with your conscience please stop

Anyway!

The pair of best friends decided to go with a simple type of confession because less is more in Xingqiu’s books

It was going so well, a cute dinner and all of that

“I like you Y/N, can we be more than that?”

Oh is that Xingqiu, Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, and Yan Fei spying on both of you from the bushes? Why, yes indeed.

“You want to be best friends Chongyun? But don’t you have Xingqiu as your best friend already?” - you with your ever so innocent voice and expression

Chongyun is frozen in place

Xingqiu, Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao and Yan Fei are betting again this time how many times will Chongyun get a friendzone

Kaeya

Someone revive him

He can’t take your dense nature anymore

This is Kaeya after all everything he does allude to something so WHY WON'T YOU GET IT STILL

“Oh, Kaeya? You like someone!? Can you introduce me to them?” - you asking excitedly upon hearing his and Rosaria’s conversation

Kaeya was pretty sure he was describing you

Rosaria is holding back her laugh, she can't breathe… SOMEONE SAVE HER

“I love them but this dense attitude is too much!” - Kaeya as he slams his fist on top of Diluc’s bar

“Have you tried wooing them?” - Diluc as his wiping a glass down, he's so nonchalant about this situation LMAO

“HAVE I TRIED?” - Kaeya sounding very offended

“How about getting a white bed sheet and painting “will you marry me Y/N” on it?” - Rosaria

“Yeah, they leave me no ch-”

“Sit down, don’t embarrass yourself like a child” - Diluc pushing his brother down to sit

“HOW WILL I GET MY FEELINGS ACROSS THOUGH!”

“Just confess, normally… like… a normal person” - Diluc

Kaeya decided that in two days time he was going to confess to you, two days because he needed to make sure it was perfect

But the moment he saw you laughing with some random guy all the planning was thrown out the window

“Meet me in front of the church when the sun rises” - Kaeya to you when he passes by you at the corridor of the headquarters

When you arrived, he made you stand at the flight of stairs in front of the church while he went down

He kneeled with his right knee touching the ground and he pulled a very neatly folded white sheet from his pocket

He unraveled it and wrote, “WILL YOU MARRY ME Y/N?”

But even before you can react a thunderous shouting can be heard and a chuckle

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? I SAID CONFESS NORMALLY!” -Diluc

Thoma

I’m going to try but still little info on this new pyro husband

Thoma is a very understanding boy

He likes you so much that he's willing to wait

But damn has he been waiting long

He decided he was going to confess to you today as well!

“Y/N! I like you!” - Thoma

“I like you too! You are like my best friend!” - you

Every time this happens Thoma stress eats.

Ayaka is giggling because he has never seen her friend like this

He's trying his best for you to like him, he cooks for you, takes care of you, guards you, protects you…

WHAT IS HE DOING WRONG!?

“You know the festival is ongoing” -Ayato as he watches his sister’s friend mop around like a puppy who has been kicked. “Why don’t you try confessing properly and straight-forwardly there?”

That gave him an idea

He dragged to the talisman-wishing thing and told you that you two should make one

When the both of you were done, you should each other what you made and to your surprise, Thoma made a drawing of the both of you holding hands

“It’s not us being best friends forever” - he clarified

“It’s me hoping to spend many more years beside you as your lover.”

Venti

Barbatos aka Venti the Bard has been singing a lot of love songs lately

Especially when you were in the audience watching

He always likes your smile especially when you were watching him

So when the two of you were strolling around near the church of Monstad

He decided that he was going to confess today

Years of being alone and he finally get what Vanessa told him about meeting the right person

“Y/N, I love you-”

“Aww, Venti, I love you too!”

“Really?!” - Venti very excitedly

“Yeah! I love you as a friend! We’re like besties!”

Dvalin felt that

Andrius felt that

Hell even Vanessa felt that from Celestia

“Oh I got to go, bestie, I have something to do! See you tomorrow!”

Lately, the winds of Monstad have been depressing?

“I don’t understand! I thought they liked me back!” Venti his chugging his alcohol while Diluc looked at him in irritation

Diluc wants to kick him out but Venti is Monstad’s archon so he decided against it

“Venti! There you are!” - you

Venti hears your voice and because his drunk his happy instead of upset

He throws himself at you in an attempt of a sloppy hug

“Y/N! I love you~”

“I love you too, we are fr-”

“NO! I LOVE YOU LIKE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER I LOVE YOU! THAT TYPE OF LOVE THAT IF YOU ASK ME TO FIGHT MORAX I WOULD!”

Xiao

When Xiao first had these feelings he was confused

He lived a long life and this was the first time in his life where when he sees someone his chest becomes constricted and warm

“Xiao! Do you like traveler!?” - you excitedly

Xiao felt a tightening in his chest not that good type but am i being stab right now type of tightening

His answer would usually be along the lines of no and he can’t have relationships with mortals

He usually has a lot more patience with you compared to others but hearing you say that he looks good with someone else just made something in him snap

He didn’t mean to shout at you nor did he mean it when he said you should leave him alone

That’s why he's waiting for you at Wangshun Inn, his loneliness grew into worry when after 2 days you weren’t back yet

Upon eavesdropping around he also found out that no one has seen you and your last known location was Mt. Hulao and he immediately began to worry because that place was prohibited to humans

“Are you looking for someone?” - Mountain Sharper appeared behind Xiao as he reached the top of Mt. Hulao. “Are you looking for a mortal perhaps?”

“How did-”

“-That mortal is pretty noisy, they don’t stop talking and they know you.”

Oh, the warm feeling in his chest is back because they were talking about him which means that they weren’t angry at him!

“Where are they!?” Xiao would realize and I swear to you his ready to break every amber rock around Mt.Hulao

“Calm down, they are currently collecting Qingxin flowers”

Right on cue, “XIAO!? IS THAT YOU!?” he heard your voice from behind him, when he saw you, he immediately rushes to you and hugs you

“What are you doing here!?” Xiao would ask, his voice was raised only because of relief

“Oh, I got lost! And Moon Sharper here saw me, we ended up chatting and I guess I forgot the time, he shared so many stories about y- WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT ARE YOU HURT!?”

“I’m alright… I just… I m-miss…”

Moon Sharper is just looking at this scene and he knows he's about to spill the hottest tea next time the adeptus (idk plural form okay) have a dinner party

Xingqiu

At first glance, it might look like that he isn’t affected at all

But internal his boiling

WHY WERE YOU SO DENSE

IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIS CLAN'S TEACHING AND WHAT NOT HIS PROBABLY ABOUT TO ASK YOU FOR A FIGHT

“You’ll make a great husband someday Xingqiu, I know it! Your future wife would be so happy!”

“I want you to be my wife though”

“What was that?”

“NOTHING!”

He knows he needs to move so he can win your heart but how can he when you were dodging every advance he makes

What is more frustrating is that YOU ARE NOT EVEN DOING IT ON PURPOSE

As an author he wants to experience romance first hand, so he tries to be romantic about it but this was frustrating

He decided to pull his last technique from his sleeves

He lent you a very romantic book and between one of the pages he inserted a paper that read “I wish for you to be my muse.”

If that doesn’t work Xingqiu is going to ask you to fight him

Zhongli

Zhongli, Rex Lapis aka Morax has lived thousands of years

Yet this is the first time he encountered someone so dense at first he taught you were just kidding and pretending but when he described what he likes in someone which was pertaining to you

You simply said “WOW THEY SOUND WONDERFUL AND YOU MUST REALLY LIKE THEM BECAUSE YOU SOUND SO IN LOVE” at his face with genuine awe, there was no sign of you being flustered and whatnot

Hu Tao was there to witness this and the younger female had a good laugh when she witnessed this

Zhongli is now praying to Guizhong for help and patience

He first wondered if the reason for such behavior was because you dislike him but it wasn’t the case because you would always smile when you see him

Which makes his knees very weak

In heaven, all the dead gods are laughing at him

He has lived for so many years and yet he doesn’t know what to do because he wants to spend years with you

But a part of him says this isn’t right because his an immortal and you were a mortal, someday him being a former god would drive an enigma in the future

That’s why he was also hesitating on his part

“Zhongli, look-look! A merchant from Monstad gave me a Cecilia!” - you snapping him from his thought, he's a tall man so you had to tip-toe to put the flower in his hair

“There you look even prettier now!” - you smiling up to him

As you were withdrawing your hand, Zhongli grabs it and places it in front of his lips

“I love you Y/N”

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makeste · 4 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 305: Worst Intervention Ever

Previously on BnHA: Shinomori, whose name took me an entire week to memorize, was all, “nice to meet you Deku, I’m ten feet tall, do you want to know how I died?” and without waiting for an answer explained that he kicked it from old age at forty thanks to good ol’ OFA. Deku was all “wait a minute, then how come All Might, who’s fifty-five and is definitely dyeing his gray hair, is still alive?” First and Shino were all, “we really have no fucking clue but we think it’s cuz he’s quirkless, JUST LIKE YOU!” So basically, since quirkless people don’t exactly grow on trees these days, Deku is probably going to be the last user of OFA. The chapter ended with Nana being all, “psst, Deku, about my grandson. Uh, can you kill him?” which is sure to lead to a very interesting conversation this week.

Today on BnHA: Nana And The Gang are all “so, Deku, how can we put this delicately. The thing is, we’re pretty sure that AFO really fucked my grandson up, so on the off chance you can’t save him, how would you feel about, you know... [throat slitting gesture].” Deku is all “idk you guys, I kinda feel like he’s really just a traumatized child at heart and he’s in a lot of pain and stuff and so I should try to help him.” The Vestiges are all “BUT WHAT IF YOU CAN’T” and Deku is all “BUT I WANT TO TRY, DAMMIT” and the Vestiges are all “well when you put it that way, we, uh, were just testing you, so congrats, you passed!” The chapter ends with First being all, “ANYWAY SO WHY DON’T YOU TWO SHY BOYS STANDING OVER THERE IN THE SHADOWS COME SAY HELLO” before we CUT AWAY FOR ANOTHER WEEK, goddammit.

seriously, Nana

just... have you met Deku?? look, if you really want Tomura dead, just sic him on the U.A. first years and tell Shouto and Honenuki that it’s a training exercise

oh my god lmao

we’re too far away to see Nana’s face here so I will just assume that she turned and is staring DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA for this one line lmao. “I just wanted to clarify in case anyone felt inclined to take my dialogue out of context and spend an entire week complaining about it”

oh my god?! are you all purposely trying to make me sad??

someone stop me before I launch into an impromptu rant about all my Tomura feels. WHY IS NOBODY STOPPING ME. oh my god but yes, exactly. he’s just in pain all the time. this is exactly why I think Tomura has such high redemption potential even though so far he seems to lack so many of the redemption arc essentials such as feeling remorse, wanting to change, and taking responsibility for his actions. the reason why I’m willing to overlook all that in his case is because Tomura has essentially had zero agency his entire life. AFO molded him into a killer by making sure he was in constant mental agony, and making it so that the only thing that even slightly relieved that agony was killing peeps. like, please don’t think I’m making excuses for him or anything, but if you take a child and manipulate their existence to make it virtually impossible for that child to grow up as anything other than a killer, and basically never give him the chance to be anything else, then no shit he’s gonna be a killer?? he’s basically never had the choice not to be. it’s never been an option for him. anyways I feel like I am EXPLAINING MYSELF SO BADLY but nonetheless I am prepared to die on this hill

anyway so now Nana is all “that’s a rhetorical question btw because Our Hearts And Minds Are One so we can feel everything you feel bro.” so yeah, that’s interesting

now Banjou is getting started on the “let’s try and talk Deku out of wanting to save Tomura because it’s insane” part of their OFA Mystical Space Void Reunion agenda

look, Banjou, I feel you, I really do. you guys don’t think it’s realistic that Deku can defeat Tomura without killing him. so if it’s a choice between killing Tomura vs letting Deku and everyone else in the entire world die, then duh, you think Deku should kill him. I get it! and if this were a real life mass murderer I’d totally agree with you. but the problem is that this isn’t real life, this is a sympathetic shounen villain with a tragic past who might as well have FUTURE REDEMPTION ARC RECEIPIENT stamped on his forehead at this point

so First is all “look, there’s absolutely no doubt my brother has fucked this kid up good and proper by now”, which, again, fair

though, that’s kind of exactly my point though. everything that Tomura is, everything he’s done, he’s done because of AFO. AFO has so effectively shaped his personality and his worldview by this point that it’s all but impossible to penetrate that. he’s AFO’s puppet. but the problem is that rather than treating him like a victim, you all are treating him like a casualty. like he’s already a lost cause. but good luck trying to convince Deku of that

WHOA WHAT, RANDOM SUPER-IMPORTANT AND BIZARRELY UNRELATED EXPOSITION DROPPED IN JUST LIKE THAT??

way to still not reveal Sixth’s name, btw. THE PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW, DAMMIT. but also so this confirms something we basically already knew already, which is that not even AFO can steal OFA. it literally can’t be taken away by anyone unless the owner wills it. SO SUCK ON THAT AFO YOU EGG

(ETA: so I have no idea why this was omitted from this translation, but apparently the Sixth’s name was revealed as “En”, which is obviously not his full name but at least it’s something. also he most likely has a fire or smoke-related quirk based on the kanji used, 煙.)

so Banjou is saying that Deku’s “lack of an iron will” could be a disadvantage against AFO. hahaha what?? Midoriya “I’ll break all of my bones without blinking an eye just to protect someone” Izuku lacks an iron will? do tell

he says this is going to be a test of Deku’s determination. well yeah, no shit. but just not in the way you guys think

OH HELLO AGAIN

darker hair again here! but I don’t trust the contrast in these scans at all after last week. his coveralls are way darker than they looked before too, and you can clearly see he’s standing in the shadows now

(ETA: yep, once again the raw shows that his hair is considerably lighter than what’s shown in these scans here. although there’s no mistaking now that his hair is consistently being colored in this slightly darker shade, and it’s not just the lighting.)

anyways lol First was saying something about how AFO can’t steal OFA, and they’ve spent all this time cultivating it as the ultimate weapon against AFO, and blah blah blah. go on then, keep lecturing

NANA GODDAMMIT NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT

girl what?? you did everything in your power to protect your family, and AFO, fucked up man that he is, targeted them anyway. there is one person and one person only to blame for what’s happened to Tomura, and that potato-faced asshole needs a good kick in the balls

NANA GODDAMMIT DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE

SO HELP ME GOD!! I WILL GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HUG YOU’VE EVER HAD!! THAT IS A THREAT

so now Nana is all “I’m just going to call my grandson a Thing to ensure that fandom has only the freshest, grass-fed no-hormones-added discourse this week”

I don’t even need to drop into the tags to know exactly which specific people are going to respond to this, and what kind of posts they are going to write lmao. everyone’s all caught up in the “that thing”, and meanwhile I’m over here completely hung up on this “nay” that’s appeared out of NOWHERE you guys. look at that. she really said “NAY”

Nana, my love, my dearest, I feel you girl I really do. but he’s not an unforgivable manifestation of pure evil, Deku is exactly right actually, he’s a boy in pain. you guys need to stop questioning Deku’s shounen protagonist instincts here and just let him work his sparkly magic. “let’s try and convince Midoriya Fucking Izuku that he can’t save someone” is a plan that is NEVER going to turn out well you guys

“DEKU GODDAMMIT WHAT IF WE CAN’T SAVE HIM” lmao it’s like an intervention

“DAMMIT DEKU JUST ADMIT YOU HAVE A SAVING PEOPLE PROBLEM!”

RED ALERT IT’S ANOTHER CLOSE-UP OF THE BACK OF MISTER TWO BON CLAY’S HEAD OMG

(ETA: I was too distracted with freaking out about Two and Three to really appreciate how ridiculously handsome First looks in this panel. but on my second readthrough it stood out so much that I had to go back and add an extra bullet point just to talk about how hot he is. look at him. wtf.)

THAT IS DEFINITELY AN UNDERCUT. THE PLOT THICKENSSSS. also those are fucking exhaust vents on Mister Three’s neck. MISTER THREE COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE RELATED TO THE IIDAS, PLEASE TELL ME YOUR SECRETS I’M DYING OVER HERE

so now Deku is launching into what will undoubtedly be a “saving people problems require SAVING PEOPLE SOLUTIONS” heroic counter-speech!

I mean, they can already feel the “lol nah I’m gonna try and save him” feelings running through him lol. ~OuR hEaRtS aNd MiNdS aRe CoNnEcTeD~ and all that. this is just a formality, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love a good shounen protag speech

oh wait hold up, do you mean to tell me that the whole “hearts and minds are connected” thing I was just mocking just a paragraph ago actually allowed Deku to feel what Tomura was feeling?? like literally feel it??

YET AGAIN these Tomura feels are pounding on my front door you guys?? they just will not quit?? people my house is already full of feels, does it look like I need you to sell me any more of them?? -- what do you mean, they’re free??

AW YISS THAT’S IT DEKU. THAT’S SOME GOOD SPEECH RIGHT THERE

I appreciate the contrast here between the Douchebag Triumvirate of Overhaul, Muscular, and Stain versus the Misguided Twosome of Gentle and La Brava. never let it be said that Deku doesn’t know the difference between a redeemable villain and an unredeemable one

OH NO -- OH MY GOD

someone please help me I need directions to the OFA Spooky Galactic Nebula Realm in this fictional Japanese manga land. it’s not on google maps. I need to give these two babies a big hug and wrap them up in a blanket and treat them to some McDonalds Happy Meals please help

other things: (1) ENDEAVOR CHILLING OUT IN DEKU’S “PEOPLE I HOLD DEAR” PANEL LMAO NEON DISCOURSE EXTRAVAGANZA, (2) “ONE FOR ALL IS A POWER TO SAVE, NOT TO KILL” I’M ABOUT TO CRY DEKU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO FEEL ALL THIS LOVE, (3) [SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE] THERE’S YOUR MOTHERFUCKING IRON WILL!!!!!!!! -- I’m sorry, please don’t call security, I’ll be good

I just randomly remembered that Deku is still saying all of this in his muffled “FMMPHHMMPHMM” voice and I’m somehow cracking up lol. so actually it’s a very good thing Their Hearts And Minds Are Connected, otherwise they’d no doubt be all, “...what?”

(ETA: so I completely missed this on account of it literally not being visible in the scan at all, but in the raw you can clearly see Baby Kacchan and Baby Shouto fanboying over All Might in two of these panels, and excuse me, ma’am??

thank you very much Deku for including them in your montage, particularly since you’ve never seen Baby Shouto before lol. amazingly accurate image you managed to conjure up, all things considered.)

SDKFJLSKHG -- AS IF ON CUE???

HE’S SO ADORABLE HELP?? Trippy Space All Might looks like he’s about to cry, and First is all “don’t crack a smile... you have to be Firm and Serious here... dammit, don’t smile” omg

anyways! YOU GO DEKU. “MY QUIRK MY RULES, BITCHES” damn, son

KLJLKKHLG TRIPPY SPACE ALL MIGHT LITERALLY ACTUALLY IS CRYING ALL MIGHT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

“I JUST... [CLENCHES FIST] REALLY LOVE SAVING PEOPLE” FUCKING HELL LMAO THIS IS THE WORST INTERVENTION OF ALL TIME

Deku is literally all “sure, maybe I’ll have to kill him, but have you guys also considered, MAYBE NOT??” it’s no use Nana he’s too powerful

LMAO FIRST

“like I’ve been saying this whole time, you should definitely try saving Shigaraki Tomura.” “but, uh... First, didn’t you just -- ” “shut up”

(ETA: clearly it’s not just his brother who inherited those smooth-talking genes.)

so now Deku has turned back into a sixteen year old and his clothes have gone missing again. just OFA things

dskljdlsklgk

yes... sure... “testing” you...

HEY

FIRST OF ALL, DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI YOU MADE NANA CRY. even if I’m pretty sure they’re actually tears of happiness/relief. and SECOND OF ALL, “TELL MY BOYFRIEND I SAID HI” DJSKDLKJJL ANYWAY MAYBE GRAN, NANA, AND MR. SHIMURA WERE IN A THROUPLE

[SCREAMS]

WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE?? WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE!!!!!

(ETA: and two-to-one odds that we cut away to some other scene once they finally start to turn around next week. I’M CALLING IT NOW. giving myself a week to brace myself for the rage.)

fucking hell. well if anyone needs me I will be adding Horikoshi fucking Kouhei to the list of irredeemable villains, peace

#bnha 305 #midoriya izuku #shigaraki tomura #shimura tenko #shimura nana #ofa the first #banjou daigorou #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #'deku. sweetheart. your other vestiges and I just want what's best for you'#'have you tried... *not* saving people?'#only to backpedal SPECTACULARLY when he was all 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT SAVING THEM'#yeah okay guys #you're not fooling anyone #but it's okay I still love you

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jimines · 3 years ago

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Whats actually happened between you and taemaknae? I read about it on the tea blog and still confused

This is an insanely long story so I'm going to put it below the cut so for anyone interested in this absolute shit show, continue on.

Essentially, I posted these headers about a month ago:

It was a set of like 8 colours and it was the first time I had ever posted any headers or anything. The issue nic had with these, was the ripped paper bottom. Because apparently you can trademark that. I had asked a (now ex) “friend” of mine if she knew where I could find the ripped paper effect because I had seen the effect on the header of her network blog and I had been trying to find a similar thing for months and google images never gave me anything good. She ended up referring me to google images anyways and after like an hour of dedicated searching, I found this ripped paper effect and used it. This ex “friend” went on to tell another friend of mine that I had "asked where nicole gets her resources for her headers" and then screenshotted my dm as "proof", which still confuses me because I never mentioned nicole there lmao. I've seen the screenshot.

Tell me where I said nicole. It was literally just a question born from seeing the header they had on their network lmao. I feel it’s important to mention I didn’t know this person ran said network at that time, which is why i said “these people”.

This other friend then came to me and just said my headers "may be seen as similar to nic's” and said she noticed it on her own and never mentioned my other “friend” approaching her. I was confused because other than that ripped paper effect that I know many people on tumblr use, I saw no similarities. Nic's headers are usually more complex and more than just a coloured background with a little effect in it. I just wanted to make some simple headers for fun because I was bored. But, regardless, I messaged nic about it to make sure she didn't feel the same way. I told her a friend of mine was worried nic might think my headers are similar to her's and I assured her that if she found them similar I would take them down, no questions asked. Nic told me she was surprised this friend brought it up and told me that it was entirely up to me if I found the headers similar. She never once told me she felt they were the same, never mentioned anything about them, she insisted it was up to me to do as I pleased. So, since I genuinely found no similarities, I left them up.

About a week went by and things between nic and I were fine, or so I thought, based off the fact that she was interacting with my posts, sending me cute asks and replying to a lot of my comments and stuff being kind and whatnot. Then, I decided to post a small list of my creations and the series I had running at the time.

After that, all of a sudden I got an influx of rude hate anons:

To anyone I mentioned the anons to, they agreed with me, you cannot trademark circular icons. This anon also accused me saying “just the fact that you had an anxiety attack about it proves you copied them” Like no sweetie, it’s called three strangers walked into my house and I got anxious.

Despite me not seeing the issue, I messaged nic, assuming she wouldn't care about the icons (it wasn't like I was taking her exact work and copying and pasting them as my own) and that made her very upset. When she responded to me, she was incredibly heated and gave off the vibe she was waiting for me to message her about it.

She said things like "this has actually been bothering me for a while", "i expected you to be able to read between the lines and delete the headers", "i don't know who that anon was but clearly they recognize my style". For starters, she never told me that she was annoyed with me, she was being very kind to me publicly. And I have no idea how I was meant to “read between the lines” of what she said especially considering how kind she was to me the following days. I also never accused her of knowing this anon, she just insisted it wasn't her and she didn't know them right off the bat. She also insinuated that I copied my gifs from others as well, which ticked me off because I made my 100+ layer psd myself thank you very much. But I kept my cool, and I told her I had no idea she felt the way she did, and I told her I would delete the headers (which i did as the conversation was going on), and that I would stop posting my icons and bringing attention to them because no one ever paid it any mind before that point. And I asked her “please tell me straight up the next time you have an issue with me because I am generally pretty dumb with social cues”, I have my adhd to thank for that. And instead of replying, she just blocked me. And conveniently, the hate anons stopped dead right after we blocked each other and I haven't received any since.

Also, these are the kinds of icons I posted:

Looks pretty generic and idk, universal, right?

Then, as I've recently found out today, she was in an "anti-loverjimin" groupchat with at least 2 other bloggers.

Which explains why this all went and fell into place. I know who the two other bloggers are because of what happened two days later but I won't name them just yet, but these two people had been "friends" with me for several months. So, a day or two after nic blocked me, all of a sudden some good friends of mine were blocking me and not talking to me when I asked what was going on. I found out soon after it was because nicole and those two now ex “friends” of mine had taken old dms I sent them and were showing them to people. And I will go into detail about them but I won't name the people they are about for privacy reasons.

Before I move on, to clarify some lies nic has been spreading about me, I never once shit talked nicole to my friends. One of these ex friends also said I was trying to get people on my side. I would have reacted to this all very very differently if that were the case. I would be dragging everyone through the fucking dirt but I don't get off on drama or micromanaging what my mutuals do. My issues are with these people, if you're still friends with them that's your decision i could not care less. So, back to it, the only thing I said about nic was that she and I had a stupid small fight over icons and that she was spreading lies about me, based off of what nic said to jordan.

That exact message, or slight variations of it, was sent to anyone I interacted with because I didn't know if nic was going to stop at jordan or try and get to everyone I fucking knew lmao. Some of the people I messaged this to told ME nic had done this kind of thing before, that she has sent hate anons, launched hate campaigns, cancelled people, etc. Over stupid shit like icons lmao.

Here are some responses I received after I mentioned nicole:

And nic or one of her friends also took it upon themselves to send anons to that tea blog to blow shit up and named everyone and made it an even bigger mess when they saw no one was actively trying to fight me after the dms got out.

I also love that in this following ask, they named my two “friends” that were behind the whole dm drama and backstabbed me, as well as two other people I never badmouthed, that story was twisted. But we’ll get into those details shortly.

And she also told people I clout chased big blogs and only cared about notes. At one point, yes, I did care a lot about my statistics. However, never once did I think clout chasing was worth my fucking time or energy, Nic is the biggest clout chaser on this damn site and there are receipts of that, ask jordan lmao. And I couldn’t give two shits about my statistics anymore lmao, much less anxiety that way. Do I still crave validation sometimes? Sure. But it's not a driving force of my tumblr experience like it used to be.

But, moving on to the dms, the first one was sent when I first came back to tumblr full-time and didn't understand why people self reblogged things, I found the pretence of self reblogging annoying and greedy and I complained about it and it was a comment fuelled by two bloggers that i would see sr a lot on my dash. But I never thought THEY were annoying, as these people are saying I did, it was self reblogging I found annoying and as you can see I have come to understand why people sr and I do it myself too. I didn't even know these two bloggers at this time either. That dm was cropped to hide the fact that this "friend" agreed with me and hid the date as well so it seemed recent, and was sent to one of the bloggers I mentioned as an example, someone I had since become good friends with.

I didn’t befriend one of the people I mentioned there until mid to late June. That friendship is now over thanks to this drama and all the lies. The second friend of mine they went after was never spoken about in dms, they went and turned her against me through lies and manipulation so that friendship has ended too. And while those two were doing that, nic went off to try and turn jordan against me.

There was a particular user on here that I did say some nasty things about but we weren't friends, as many people have been made to believe. I was particularly mad at this person in those dms and was hurtful, I admit, and I have since apologized and owned up to all of it to these people. I did call them fake and/or two-faced.

And what in the gassing me up bullshit was their response though lmao. I also sent this following dm before I even talked about the issue with this person. They urged me to continue and to name drop the person, and I stupidly thought they were trustworthy.

My reasoning for what I said wasn't unwarranted though, I don't make a habit of going around shit-talking people, unless they do something to me first. I vent when I am upset and this person had sent me a passive aggressive ask and then denied sending it when I asked and I thought that was just very fake, especially since she was so kind to me in dms before the ask came in. But all of these dms were cropped too to hide timestamps and responses, and in most cases, like those screenshots prove, these "friends" either gassed me up or egged me on to continue ranting or to name the people i was mad at and they had agreed with me on several, several occasions. Turns out they were trying to get dirt on me to use in their cancel campaign. But the point is, nic has made me out to be this horrible person that befriends "big blogs" (an overrated statement) and then shit talks them behind their back without remorse. Yet it was one person I said rude things about and I, again, owned up to it all and apologized to them the first day. I would've done it sooner had I a) remembered feeling the way I did all those months ago or remembered the dms themselves or b) felt that way still after meeting them. But neither is the case.

I find it really amusing though that these people wanted things to be kept quiet and didn’t want anyone they spoke to to talk to me about it because I was going to “out them on my blog” and “make a big scene”, then they three went and made it a big fucking scene and ruined my friendships. I’m familiar with this pattern of manipulation as it has happened to me in real life before and it’s the most childish bullshit to witness.

Before this callout day for nic, I had never once been directly rude to or about her, same goes for those ex “friends” that betrayed my trust and friendship. The fact that they plotted against me in a group chat while still actively talking to me and being all buddy buddy is just disgusting. Both of them were talking to me that day at the same time they were sharing the dms and shit-talking me to my friends. But yeah, that's my side, the untwisted side, of the whole story. I tried to be mature and talk to nic and when I didn't do what she wanted me to do, she blocked me and launched the hate campaign with dms and the power of photoshop. I’ve been hesitant to make any of this public because it was meant to be a silent ordeal but I’ve grown tired of her constantly publicizing everything without consequence while I remain silent like I promised.

#anon #replied💌#tw:negativity #drama #long post #read at your own risk aha #its a shit show #idc if you rb it #pinning temporarily for the next day(sih)#ish*#edited with screenshots and whatnot that i forgot i had on my phone lmao

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greywindys · 2 years ago

Note

Hey any thoughts on everything the gorillaz had on tik tok being hidden except for these new vids of the creepy siri lady voice explaining every character in a very odd clean way, leaving out very important details and dropping things rarely discussed as if they are main lore like noodle having no parents or 2d wanting to return to the fair or russel wanting to save the world or murdoc... Actually Idk just felt off.

Maybe it's just bad marketing and lore change but it strikes me as odd, with the weird clone shit and then the cult and all this brainwashy new stuff they're doing for this phase

I want your take cause you're a bit of a realist when it comes to gorillaz expectations vs reality

Hello! And yeah, I do🤔. So, I went and watched the Murdoc tiktok just so I could hear this Siri voice lmao. I'd imagine they're hiding all the old videos (thanks for clarifying, I thought they had just deleted them) because they want everything to match the new theme and also have videos to post that are timed with the new promo tour that's starting...and maybe because they never wrote a profile for Murdoc during the first rollout lmao.

I also googled how long a Tiktok video can be, because I honestly had no idea until literally right now. In case anyone else doesn't know - the limit is 10 minutes. Knowing all this, they definitely had room to make longer character intro videos. But how much can they rely on the attention span of the average tiktok user? Most tiktok videos are under a minute too...at least the ones I see. You can correct me if I'm wrong. I guess what I'm trying to say is that their spareness doesn’t surprise me; I'd expect short videos with minimal lore. They've simplified the characters, so what was important lore may not be anymore (i.e. making 2D only a ~cute, cinnamon roll, Russel + food jokes, Murdoc just has a huge ego, Noodle is a "queen" who slays demons etc, etc)...or they may not even remember it.

However, when you line everything up like that, it does make you wonder 🤔. Imo, it's plausible that they're trying to build up to something. I think they did something similar during P5 with the Murdoc bot, the video hints etc, but ultimately, either their plans changed, or they never had a plan in the first place. So yeah, all of this may be intentional to create a cult-y feel, and they may want everyone to discuss and try to guess ~what it all means, but THEY may not even know what it all means lmao. Or they do, but they don't have a plan of how to get there...and they may not get there. Or they have everything planned out but then all of a sudden they need money and need to sell watches again. Nothing in Gorillaz is ever guaranteed because they're not the most professional, organized project out there, tbh. It's still cool to have fun with theories, but I'd keep it in mind that your theory may end up being more thought out than whatever the official canon ends up being, and your predictions may not come true because the symbolism they never ended up meaning anything.

#asks.#Anonymous

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ocegion · 4 years ago

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For the character meme, obviously: Nicky & Joe 😘

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!! thanks so much for the ask I immensely appreciate it!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3

(also I went FAR OVERBOARD with this, I speak far too much when given the chance. Sorryyyyyyyyyy)

Joe:

First impression: Well, if it isn’t hot-but-dull Jafar. I know he’s gay in this one so that’s a plus point, but I’m not holding out much hope. He looks extra cute and fuzzy here though, that’s neat. (I want to clarify that I formally apologize to Mr Marwan Kenzari for having ever thought he couldn’t act, shame on me).

Impression now: *sobbing* He’s so GOOD and he’s so SOFT. He’s so full of love and passion and he can barely keep it inside and I’m honestly overwhelmed by how much I love this guy. Like, he’s so full of emotion and it’s so clear in his face at any given moment and that’s no weakness, that’s his strength and I just. Ugh. It’s so refreshing and great. Love is stored in the Joe. I wish real life had people like him.

Favorite moment: okay so it’s hard to decide because all his moments are great, but I’m going to go with the moment in which he waits for Nicky to wake up after Keane shoots him. You can see how he can barely keep inside the fear and panic he has when Nicky isn’t waking up, and then, when he does, Joe takes a moment to look aside and exhale before grasping him. Like he physically needed to let it out. I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself properly, but those couple seconds of body language fascinate me.

Unpopular opinion: It is entirely possible that it shows up in some secondary material that I just haven’t seen, in which case I’m dumb and I’m sorry for this, but I don’t think Joe is necessarily a poet? Like don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the idea of poet Joe and I do think he probably has an easier time around words than the rest of the Guard, but I’m not too sure where the idea came from? I think his speech in the ban comes out of the pure, raw love he has for Nicky more than any formal education he might have had about any of it. He’s just that passionate. I mean, not that I think it’s wrong of anything. I just think canon doesn’t give any indication at all about it. (plus comic Joe said something along the lines of ‘brewing the stew of love’ which is the most hilariously unpoetical thing ever lmao).

Favorite relationship: uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh is it cheating to say Nicky? I’m gonna go with Nicky. I could go on for quite a while about his relationship with Nicky and I’m gonna spare us all having to go through that but I will say that as long as Joe and Nicky are alive the concept of romance just simply cannot die. They singlehandedly keep it alive and flourishing. 100000/10 best love story ever, I accept no criticism.

Favorite headcanon: Joe is a man who is, at any given moment, 110% in control of his own emotions. Like, he’s a emotionally driven man, no doubt about that, but he’s not impulsive in the least. When he was shouting at Booker, it wasn’t impulsive, he was angry as hell and decided to let him know. Then during the escape he shut it off and didn’t let it get in the way of cooperation, then let it out again. It’s like he has a valve on his own emotions that he willingly manipitales when he deems it right. He is very aware of his own emotions and just refuses to repress it for things like, pretending that what Booker did wasn’t that big of a deal, dude knows he’s entitled to be upset about it. Most emotionally mature and stable man on Earth.

Nicky:

First impression: I thought he looked soft and also sort of awkward-looking, but in a good way if that makes sense? tbh I expected him to be a nice character that didn’t get that much depth because he’d stay in the sidelines and only have a handful surface traits.

Impression now: I LOVE how hard it is to pin Nicky down as just this or that part of his personality, the way fandom usually does with characters. He’s soft and kind, but he will stay his ground and not let anyone walk over him. He believes in doing good as the purpose of his life, but he won’t hesitate to commit murder (Gotta wonder how exactly his moral code works). He’s warm and welcoming, but also sort of reserved and not saying much about himself. If you try to shove Nicky into any of the usual fandom archetypes, you’re missing at least half of his character.

Favorite moment: As with Joe, I have a hard time picking up just one single moment, bit I’ll go with the moment he brings up Malta. His whole demeanor while in the lab is fascinating, but I think it’s that particular moment that probably defines Nicky best. They’re in a very though and uncertain situation, and he brings up a fond memory to raise spirits, his own but mostly Joe’s. Idk, I feel like it shows that a) he’s very aware of how other people are feeling/thinking and wants to make it better, and b) he has, at his core, hope (in this specific situation, hope that they’ll make it out, but it relates to his belief that they have a purpose).

Unpopular opinion: I tbh don’t think that time in Malta was a sex thing at all. I in general don’t read them as a particularly sexual couple, but even if they were, I doubt a sex vacation, of any kind, would be something that stands out that much in a relationship this long. Whatever Malta was, it’s a secret between them and I honestly like that.

Favorite relationship: See, this is why I felt like saying Joe’s favorite relationship was Nicky felt like cheating. Because I’m going to answer the exact same thing. I mean, is there any other option, really. Really. The answer is no and we all know it. Anyway. Joe and Nicky lucked out in Immortal roulette and tbh who can blame Booker for being a little bit bitter about it. Anyone would be jealous of such PERFECTION.

Favorite headcanon: Nicky is the most spiritual member of the Guard (Nile is probably on par with him or even more, but she probably has a few years of faith crisis ahead of her). He has a solid belief in purpose and goodness which is much more firm than his original sense of faith, after centuries of questioning it. I also think that while he probably still maintains a somewhat christian view on faith, the years have eroded away specific religions from it. He’s sort of agnostic, but not in a ‘I don’t know if there’s a higher power’ way, but in a ‘I know there’s a higher power, but I don’t care what name it has’ way.

Both

Idea for a story: Okay I’m doing this one like this because it’s literally the same answer for both lmao. Excluding pieces of character exploration and missing scenes and stuff, I’ve got a fic (on semi-hiatus until I finish my exams) about ‘what if instead of speedrun enemy to lovers, they were DUMB and spent like 400 years pining for each other and not seeing the other is in love too’. I’m also lowkey thinking up a Dragon Age AU, which is more of an entire-cast thing that just these two, but of course their storylines in it go inherently together. It’s probably too big a project for me actually carry out lmao. But it’s there in my mind, I have backstories and character classes and everything in the works. Maybe someday.

#kikibluemay #jesus i speak a lot im SORRY #but really thanks so so much for the ask <333333 Im so happy to have a reason to talk about them #Yusuf al Kaysani #Nicolo di Genova #Kaysanova

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wendibird · 4 years ago

Text

SPN 15X17 Observations

Well, watching this week went pretty smoothly (and I was actually able to get my little bluetooth keyboard thing to talk to my tablet so I was able to watch on my big TV screen and type up notes fairly easily. :)

And just to clarify, sometimes my notes as I took them were VERY brief, and in some cases I’ve gone back and added in a few details or explanations to make clear what I meant by what at the time.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that I don’t always remember to take notes, especially if Important Things are happening. (Do people even like the notes section? Or would you just prefer reading my odd takes on everything after the fact?)

Anyway, here’s what I have for 15X17 “Unity”. Well, I do have more thoughts drifting around, but I’m always concerned that I’m going on too long as it is. *LOL* (Under the cut for length and spoiler aversion)

Okay, going in I’ve heard rumors that this is a “Sam Heavy” episode, so we’ll see. *fingers crossed*

- wow, is Chuck starting in on this world already?

- Silent treatment.

- I wonder if she’s guessed.

- fuck you Dean!

(but I’m not surprised. it just confirms what I’d already suspected about how Dean really feels about Jack.)

Commercial Thoughts:

Yeah, so, I’m firmly in Sam and Cas’ camp here. Jack may not be family to Dean, but he is to them. He’s their Son.

I also think that though he hasn’t talked about it, Sam regrets his part in the Drama Coffin plan involving Jack last season. Think it’s one of those cases where he realized too late he was on the wrong side, and he doesn’t want to be there again.

As for Dean… I get that he wants to see the people he cares most about make it out of this. (Sam and Cas.) And I get he’s doing the tunnel vision thing. I think he knows that Sam’s right but he won’t let himself admit it.

- Wow….. The fanangels are kinda creepy.

- They’ve lost all their nuance with Chuck. Or my theory is right and Chuck has actually shifted darkside.

- Oh wow…. Amara is really going to bat here.

Commercial Thoughts:

Still not sure how much she’s (Amara) really guessed. She’s acting as though the whole “trapping him” idea is still a go, but what she’d said to Dean, as pointedly as she did, it seemed like maybe she suspected what was really going on and was still trying to give him the option to go a different way.

And even if this is Chuck having shifted dark, it could still be written with more nuance than this crappy villain schtick.

I mean, even in S11 when he’s all but given up on humanity and existence and was going to let Amara win, it was written with there being a depth to him about it.

- Don’t know if Dean’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t care as deeply to make this easier or what.

- HOw is ADAM still alive?! And she’s an angel?

- Interesting behavior for an angel. *LOL*

- “Then he moved on to our sons.” Hints of Cain and Abel?

- Okay, so the angel kept him alive. (Sure, I can buy that.)

- Pretty Crystals!

- He’s (Dean) heard those lines before. And Dean’s feeling uneasy about it.

- Amethyst! (Sorry, always had a thing for Amethyst and it’s my birthstone)

- (oh, okay, all of them)

- Ewww….. Open heart surgery

- Rib!

- Dean doesn’t like being rail-roaded.

- Talk time.

- I don’t like this…… (Jack using the rib and starting the suicide-bomb process.)

Commercial Thoughts:

Okay, so, what Dean said, I’m glad he said it. And I have been getting hints of that feeling from him the whole season, about feeling disconnected because of what they found out about Chuck and their lives. I just… I still think he’s willfully blinding himself to what’s really going on. That even this version of “Free Will” is a script that he’s following. (Well, I think he’s starting to have misgivings about that.)

- Uh-oh! Ideas!

- I love two researching nerds!

- Were we supposed to understand the Latin? *LOL* I caught “Mortem” in there a few times.

- Yey door!

- “your internal compass is functioning perfectly”

- I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!

- Who dat?

- Dead someone or other

- W section.

- Reapers maybe?

- Who’s thinning the ranks?

- Empty!Meg!

- Sam is good! (At bluffing the hell out of an ancient cosmic being.)

- IT’S A LITTLE LATE TO STOP IT!!!!

Commercial Thoughts:

*FREAKING OUT!!!*

Jack already started it! OG!Adam said that once started the reaction couldn’t be stopped.

Okay, deeper thoughts. Everyone’s playing chess. Still. The game is just bigger.

OG!Adam wants God dead because of stuff that happened. And Billy is following his plan? (Did I get that right?) The plan will make Billy the next God. (Not surprised there honestly.) Her world will be a lot more “orderly” no doubt.

The Empty just wants to sleep. (Honestly, can relate.)

But everyone’s just using them all as gamepieces again. Dean’s getting that feel from things OG!Adam and Whatserfaceangel said. Sam knows now too. They’re still stuck in someone else’s story. They’re still not gaining true “Free Will”. I’m hoping that the route they take will actually get them off this train track.

- DUDE - WHAT (was in reference to Dean pulling a gun on Sam)

- Go Sam! He’s not letting this one go. (Referring to my feelings on Sam feeling bad about Jack and the Drama Coffin thing from way before, and him NOT settling for Dean’s plan this time, him sticking to his guns and saying what he feels and taking action.)

- Chuck played her (Amara) too.

- Not again! (Oh Jack, will this forever be your fate?)

- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Holy shit! That episode!

Okay, it actually did a good job of wrapping up a lot of ideas. Like, big-picture ideas that have been themes throughout the run of the show.

Also, apparently this was the only world where Cas and the Winchesters broke the mold? Didn’t play by their roles?

Also, minor point but it made me happy: Chuck pointed out how it’s Sam who needed to find things out. Sam who kept digging. I made mention of it last episode how Billy kept going to Dean, because he was easier for her to manipulate. But Sam asks more questions. I think part of it is what Cas said about his internal compass. I think another part is his experiences. He’s been the brunt of the cosmic plot-lines a LOT of the time. So he does keep asking questions because of all the times he hadn’t and things went badly. (Like end of S4 with killing Lilith.)

And let me be clear, it’s not that I think Dean is dumb. He isn’t. And he and Sam both make decisions a lot based on their feelings. (Sometimes it’s all you have to go on.) But he’s shown a tendency in the past several years especially to be more likely to make them based on anger. And he doesn’t get called on it often. And I don’t know if this is TOO meta (is that even a thing with this show anymore? *LMAO*) but I feel like part of that is written into the script. Of their world. Even when Dean’s wrong he’s often proven “right” by the narrative. He very rarely is made to face up to his mistakes. (Not saying he never is. But it definitely doesn’t seem to happen as often.) And I’m wondering, is that because up till now, he was Chuck’s favorite? We saw that Chuck can manipulate a LOT of things. And events, and even some people.

How often have we noticed and commented on how the Narrative backs Dean up so much of the time, even when he might be in the wrong? Or even just questionable? Or morally grey? How much of that is possibly now supposed to be due to Chuck’s meddling? Because I’ve also seen it mentioned (and have also noticed) that although Sam winds up the “wrong one” a lot via the narrative, he’s actually HAD to learn and grow because of that. But because Dean is rarely shown as wrong, he hasn’t had to, and his character has stagnated a lot in the last several seasons. Of course, in reality, that’s due to the writing/show-running/powers-that-be making those decisions, but in-show could it possibly be something to do with Chuck? Maybe at first because he liked Dean more? But as time grew on, and he kept trying to set up his Cain and Abel plot with them, maybe it was to reinforce Dean’s self-image that he’s Right?

And also by contrast, we had the end of last season where so many of Sam’s decisions which had been made with best intentions and best information/resources at the time wound up blowing-up in his face. As if to say "Ha-HAH! That's what you get for thinking you could lead people! That's what you get for thinking you could save Jack! That's what you get for thinking someone like Nick could be redeemed! That's what you get for talking your brother out of the Drama-Coffin plan!" It felt like it was specifically intended to make him severely doubt his own judgement. And it worked. After all that shit went down, one thing after another, culminating with their mother's death, he didn't trust himself. He didn't believe in himself. So he put all his trust in Dean. And Dean was full of RAGE. (I don't blame him. His Mom has been a keystone of his life, even when she wasn't there.) But Sam didn't give the objections he normally would have to Dean's plan to box-up Jack. Even though it was CLEAR how much he didn't like it. How wrong it felt to him.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I think Chuck has been nudging and manipulating a LOT of things in order to get the Winchesters to behave how he wants them to.

IDK. My head is hurting from some of these meta thoughts. *LOL*

SO! Back to what happened in the actual episode.

I thought the format was interesting, focusing in on the different POV characters for their spans of the story until it all came together. (Wondering if this is going to continue into the next episode…)

I liked that we got a lot of reveals about what is (possibly) really going on, in regards to the grand schemas. Because there are several at play here. But now we're at least getting glimpses of them.

Even though we didn't see Billy, I thought the reveal about her plans were interesting, but definitely fit with her character as established so far. I know a lot of people are saying she's gotten drunk with her power or she's "turning evil" but I don't think that's the case. It's true that she hasn't told them everything about her plans, but that's because she's also using them as pieces in her game. But her goal is the same as it's always been since we first met her. She has ALWAYS been about the Natural Order. She never liked how the Winchesters (or anyone else) flaunted death again and again. So once she's in charge? Everyone and everything goes where they belong. The demons stay in hell, the angels stay in heaven, souls go where they're meant to, people from other universes go back (even if there's no universe to go back TO. Tough shit, they'd be dead anyway according to her) and those who have already died and been resurrected? They go back to wherever they should be. (At least, I THINK that was the implication made, with Sam asking Dean if he'd be willing to trade HIM to take-out Chuck. Sam was definitely realizing a LOT when Empty!Meg told him what Billy's plan was.)

This isn't her turning Evil like has been done with Chuck. It's more, her becoming a more extreme version of what she already was. When she got her promotion, she found out a LOT more things. Including this option of events for taking Chuck out and putting things back to how they belong. And it even started with Dean's aborted Drama Coffin plan. Which eventually fails, because Sam, but it then leads to Jack sacrificing his soul to take out AU Michael, which eventually leads to Mary's Death and Chuck's opportunity to manipulate things more and so on and so forth until we wind up here.

(Also, just wanna say, absolutely LOVED Rachel as the Empty again!)

And also, having just watched that scene again, can I just say again how awesome Sam is? He straight-up told the Empty that even if he WAS lying, their best bet is to let him go with the book. And it couldn't really argue with that because he was right! (Well, if it had killed him then and there, Dean probably wouldn't have known right away and probably would have been able to carry out the plan. So there is that. Buuuuut none of them knew that either at the time.)

And in general, I love how Sam just would NOT give up. This is the Sam Winchester I've come to love. He could feel in his bones that this plan was wrong so he was doing everything he could to not only stop it, but to find some other way to get what they truly wanted.

I also loved his and Cas' interactions. They were supportive of each other and both were trying to find a way to save their son. (Dean has officially forfeited his Dad-Card in my book. Hell, in his book too.) Also, I remember hearing someone from production, or who was maybe on set or something mentioning something about the Holy Grail in this episode? Well, in that scene where Sam and Cas are looking through those old crates and trunks and boxes, when Cas finds the key Sam is holding this really old looking chalice. Wonder if that's supposed to be what that is. *LOL* I mean, the Spear of Destiny (or at least, the head of the spear) was there in the Bunker, so why not I guess? *LOL*

We didn't get a lot of Sam and Jack interaction, but I liked what little we had. Sam made it clear to Jack that he wants to save him. (I'm really hoping we get SOMETHING more of them in the next episode or two but... yeah. Not a lot of time left.)

I could go on for some length about my feelings on Dean and how he's been this season. But I don't want this to turn into a fully anti-Dean rant. I will say though that I'd definitely gotten the impression before this that Dean has different categories of people he cares about, and in his mind, he also has them ranked according to how expendable they are. And I'm not just talking about Jack here, though he is a major part of it. But at the end of the episode when he and Sam are having it out, Dean says he's basically willing to sacrifice EVERYONE to get what he wants.

(I don't think he's actually willing to sacrifice Sam for it though. And yes, I know, he was waving a gun in Sam's face. But I don't believe for a moment he had any intention of killing his brother. Not when Sam asking point blanc if Dean is willing to trade him for killing Chuck, and that seems to be what causes Dean to start listening to what Sam's saying. Also, in the past, Dean hasn't been above threatening people to get what he wants. Like with Kaia. Also in S8's "Trail and Error" when he and Sam were talking about taking out the hellhound, Dean pretty much said if Sam even tries to get close to it, Dean would shoot him in the leg. Now, we never got to see if he actually would have or not, but regardless, it was a case of Dean being willing to hurt Sam a little in order to protect him from something he saw as a bigger threat. In that case it had been taking on the trials. In this case, it would have been to win their shot at freedom. At least in Dean's mind. Not saying I approve! Just, I think that's where his mindset was.)

And this is a far cry from the Dean who, just a few years ago was willing to be a kamikaze bomb in order to save the world. And yes, Dean has mentioned "Saving the world" this season too. And I'm sure he means that too. But when he was at his most emotional, what he was talking about wasn't saving the world and everyone in it. It was freeing him and Sam from being Chuck's entertainment. And he's willing to sacrifice nearly anyone to accomplish that. At least, he was up til now. I hope that they're going to give him a change of heart before the end because I really REALLY would like the show to end with me not despising Dean and what he's become. Yes, I'm a Sam-girl, but I do care about Dean too.

Also, I feel bad for Amara and what wound up happening with her. Like many other characters, she fell victim to Chuck's manipulations, and now I'm guessing he's even stronger than before. But also, Chuck wasn't the only one manipulating her. And maybe if they, (Dean especially, since she had a soft-spot for him) had actually been trying to find another way earlier, she wouldn't have fallen to despair when finding out the truth.

Aaaaaanyway, I think I've rambled enough about this episode as it is. Thank you to whoever actually bothers to read all of this. *LOL*

#spn 15x17 spoilers #spn season 15 spoilers #episode review #my thoughts #tangents: i tend to live in them #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #the darkness/amara #god/chuck #i think your internal compass is functioning perfectly #sam is jack's dad #castiel is jack's dad

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dawniebb · 5 years ago

Text

In which Queen Aanya validates Rayllum

HIII! <3

So, this is kind of a crack fic lmao because...idk i just wanted to have fun, guys agshja it's not that good but it's just an idea that popped up in my head and,if somebody reads this: I hope you liked it <3. Comments are appreciated, btw :3

---------------------------------------------------

Then, they are left alone.

Well, not alone.

They're sitting there, enjoying each other's company while surrounded by the remnants of the battle. Some people injured, the rest just tired or sleeping (Like Rayla, whose eyes are barely open). At least, Callum thinks, they're now under the protection of Queen Zubeia. All of them together, humans and elves, for the first time in a very long time.

With a sigh, he tries to go back to his sketchbook, just as Rayla's horns poke him in the face, very close to his eyes.

"Oh, sh..."

"Hey." Callum laughs. "There are children here."

"Did I hurt you?" She asks, very, very concerned, as she inspects Callum's face as if one of his eyes were now rolling by her feet.

"Rayla, you barely touched me. It's okay. Don't worry. Come on, you're falling asleep. You need to rest. “He smiles, while he takes her hand and places a tender kiss on her palm. “If something happens, I promise I'll wake you up.

But just when she looks convinced enough, through the corner of his eye, Callum can see aunt Amaya signing something at him, with a smile on her face. She's close to them, sitting next to Princess (Queen?) Janai, her new elf friend. And, of course, being the careful individual she is, Rayla follows the direction of his eyes.

"What's she saying?" She asks in a very discrete way. Callum doesn't notice he's blushing until he feels his cheeks burning.

“Oh, it's nothing... She just said that we... Uhm...”

"What?"

"That we make a…quite adorable couple." He laughs, as he signs back at aunt Amaya. "Thank you."

"...Oh." Rayla scratches her nose, as she tries to keep calm, even though Callum doesn’t know for sure why she’s so nervous in the first place. “Well, I guess she likes me now."

"Well.” Callum grabs her hand. "I guess you could say that."

"I'm glad." She smiles. To Callum's eyes, she looks adorable, all tired and barely awake.

"Yeah..." He says. "Me too.”

Suddenly, they're leaned into the other's face, close to their lips, paying little attention to the fact they've never really had an audience before (besides Ez, and that wasn't even on purpose). However, they're interrupted seconds before they can do anything, thanks to the sound of somebody clearing their throat.

When they turn to the side, there's Queen Aanya, standing like a monument even though she's not even a year older than Ez. Shocked, Callum scoots up as fast as he can, and even if Rayla's not really sure of what's happening, she imitates him, but when they try to reverence her, Queen Aanya straightens her back and says, in a very soothing voice:

"Please, do not kneel."

Still, Callum can't help it and ends up bowing at her in a very subtle way. A gesture that goes apparently unnoticed.

“I actually wanted to apologize. It appears that I might have interrupted something. “Queen Aanya folds her hands on her lap.

"Oh, no, no!" Callum says, nervously. “No, we were just...!”

“Nothing special, Your Majesty.” Rayla smiles. “Do you...?”

"Need...Request our help?"

Fortunately, Queen Aanya seems amused, as she laughs politely, covering her mouth with her hand.

“I will try to be as brief as possible, as I assume you need some time with each other to process the events.” She says. “You do happen to be in an established relationship. Am I correct?"

Callum feels Rayla's confusion and he doesn't blame her. Everyone is confused about Queen Aanya at some point, given the fact that, even if she's still a child, she's more mature than a lot of grown-up people. And, well, now she's questioning the nature of their relationship. What a convenient situation.

"Yes." Rayla finally speaks, staring directly at Callum. “You are correct."

For a moment; a moment so brief it almost goes away in a blink, they can see a spark in Aanya's eyes as she smiles at them with something that reflects a lot of things, one of them being tenderness. Callum feels something warm deep in his heart.

“In that case, I would like to congratulate you first.” Aanya says. " It is... pretty noticeable, and I felt the need to express the feeling of respect I have grown towards both of you, for being able to create a relationship out of such circumstances and such strong cultural barriers. I must admit that I am very impressed."

Callum doesn't realize their heads are leaned against the other until he feels Rayla's skin so close their cheeks are touching.

"We appreciate your words, Your Majesty.” Callum says, as Aanya stares at the two of them more than she focuses on him, who happens to be the one talking to her. "We hope to grow stronger in our relationship.”

"Everyday. Like we have done it until now." Rayla says.

“It warms my heart to hear that.” Aanya says, placing a hand where said heart is located. "That is why, if you do not have somebody to do it, I would like to offer myself to officiate your marriage."

It arrives like a clap in the face, and Callum goes cold, just like Rayla.

Then the room is hot again.

Very hot.

And they both were red. As a cherry, as an apple, and as all the red things that were coming to Callum's head right now.

So, not knowing what to do, they start rambling, like they always do.

"OH!"

“Your Majesty, that's very kind of you but right now... "

"I MEAN, WE DO WANT TO..."

"SOMEDAY BUT... BUT RIGHT NOW WE'RE KIND OF..."

"YOUNG."

"YES, YOUNG! VERY, VERY YOUNG!"

"AND DUMB! WE TAKE PRETTY DUMB DECISIONS WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER, YOUR MAJESTY! DIDN'T YOU SEE HOW...?"

And then a sound comes out of Aanya's mouth.

When they stare at her, she's laughing. And she keeps doing that until she notices the confusion in their faces.

"Do not worry.” She says. "I was just playing with you."

They just stay there, looking like idiots, with their mouths half-open.

Callum fills his cheeks with air, and then he lets it out in relief.

"...Oh.”

"That was...clever, Your Majesty."

"I know.” Aanya shrugs, completely conscious of how in a matter of seconds she managed to set the world on fire. "I am going to have to retire now, but congratulations again. You have all my best wishes."

Callum bites his lower lip as he watches her leave, and even if for a moment he feels weak, he realizes he does have the guts to ask what suddenly popped into his mind.

"Your Majesty?" He calls her.

Queen Aanya turns around in the very moment she hears her name. She's not annoyed, she's not mad. She's just there, staring and waiting, with a patience made of steel and that, somehow, helps Callum to feel safe.

"This means that... Well... given the fact that we're a human-elf relationship... we...we do have your blessing as one of the human kingdoms, right? "

Aanya stays in silence.

Then, she speaks, getting a little closer.

"Listen, Prince Callum. I want to clarify the type of Queen I am trying to be, and for that, I am going to need you to be aware of the fact that, for these types of issues you will not, ever, need my blessing."

Callum smiles, as a silent "thank you."

"I may be tough as a person, and some people may even say I have a really bad temper sometimes. And I am aware that is a truth, just as the fact of me having really strong opinions is also a truth. I believe there are bad humans in this world, and I believe there are bad elves as well… But above of that, I believe in my mothers’ legacy, and I believe in love. And when I first landed my eyes on you that is exactly what I saw.“ She says "I saw love. And trust. And hope, for you and for all of us, in this divided world we have gotten used to. "

In a very calm way, Aanya takes Rayla’s hand, and then she proceeds to carefully put it into Callum’s.

“…And I might have also seen four fingers that fit perfectly into five, just as if they were made for each other.” She chuckles.

There's that tender expression again, and somehow Callum believes they'll be okay.

Somehow, he manages to be almost sure that their relationship will be accepted and everyone will be willing to see them the way Aanya does. Not a human and an elf, just two living creatures who found each other and fell deeply, madly in love.

“I hope that answered your question, Prince Callum.” Aanya says, as she turns around again, only to stare at them one last time.

"Oh, and...Whenever you feel ready to take that step, in case somebody decides to question your decisions, remember that I am a Queen, and even if my statement was intended to be a joke, I do carry the authority to officiate weddings. I hope will not find yourselves in the need to ask for that kind of help. “She smiles in a way so pure she almost looks like she’s trying to act her age for once.

“An invitation is welcomed, though. I have never been to an elven wedding. It could be a really interesting experience for me and I would really appreciate it.”

#the dragon prince #tdp #rayllum #post s3 #in this house we support Aanya okay?

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ais-n · 5 years ago

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2| and where is the trauma? both hsin and boyd were severely sexually abused. and emilio's illness is always treated as a joke. look Ais, your series has done me so much good between the bad it did. i found i'm gay lmao and i'm grateful for that. i'm grateful that you wrote this ok. but there are things that were offensive, and maybe it was unconscious, since i doubt you wanted to be racist or write a mlm relationship but more like hetero. i wish i could just enjoy the books but my heart breaks

3| idk what the one who questioned that could possibly mean between all the things but thats what i mean. i appreciate you a lot. i hope this didn’t make you feel worse or whatever. but some people really did end up hurt badly after reading icos and im one of them. with all respect, and hope that i didnt disturb you much, farewell.

++++++++++++

Aha I just realized I can put both 2nd and 3rd asks in one! Which is good because, again, the gay comment makes me laugh out loud XD As I said in the other post, thank you again for reaching out, for explaining your concerns, and for the courage you no doubt had to bring forth in order to do so.

I’m getting right into the answers in this one although I will probably ask more questions for clarification on some of the points, as I did on the first one, to make sure I’m not misunderstanding or misinterpreting anything.

More below the cut! :)

EMILIO’S ILLNESS

I’m really sorry but I wasn’t sure what you meant by that. Which illness? How is it treated as a joke? Could you clarify?

TRAUMA

So this I thought was super interesting that you felt there was no representation of trauma in ICoS, or I assume you also mean its aftereffects. That’s actually one of the few points I feel pretty confident saying the series does portray a lot of, both in some cases the experience of it and in other cases the repercussions.

One of the reasons both of them are so severely dysfunctional individually and together is because of trauma.

I don’t want to muddy up this post with a huge tangent but someone had asked a few years ago about the result of the Aleixo mission on Boyd, if he was diagnosed with anything, and so on. If you’re interested, I wrote a long ass reply about the psychological effect of sex trafficking on survivors/victims and talked about some of the things you see Boyd do that are a bit reflective of that. More info at https://aisness.wordpress.com/2015/01/28/boyd-aleixo-psychology/

I think there probably would be more information on all this by now, or at least I certainly hope there would be, but at the time of writing Fade that was the sort of research that was available.

Although, full disclosure, I don’t tend to write characters looking up the DSM symptoms for this or that; I write what feels right for them psychologically, mentally, emotionally, and oftentimes later look it up and realize they would have likely been diagnosed with this or that thing or they could be displaying traits of this or that.

At any rate, with Boyd, his trauma started early on, and pretty much everything about him is a reflection of that in some form. I don’t see trauma as specific to sexual assault; it’s most certainly a result of that but also of many other things. Boyd dealt with a lot of neglect and/or emotional abuse as a child, he was bullied by his peers, and generally speaking it was difficult for him to feel like he belonged anywhere. He was very often judged by others, often negatively, for things completely outside of his control, like his parents, their jobs, his home, the amount of money his family had, his looks, etc.

If you look at the Mayo Clinic’s list of child abuse, Boyd falls pretty well under emotional abuse and a bit under neglect, and you can especially see the toll that had on his personality by reading the signs and symptoms of emotional abuse in particular:

Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem

Social withdrawal or a loss of interest or enthusiasm

Depression

Avoidance of certain situations, such as refusing to go to school or ride the bus

Desperately seeks affection

And general symptoms:

Withdrawal from friends or usual activities

Depression, anxiety or unusual fears, or a sudden loss of self-confidence

An apparent lack of supervision

Self-harm or attempts at suicide

If you look at Complex PTSD, and in particular Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) you can see a lot of Hsin:

Attachment – “problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to others’ emotional states”

Behavioural control – “problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems”

Dissociation – “amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events”

I wouldn’t say Hsin dissociates quite that extensively but I feel like he does display some dissociative tendencies at times.

Boyd has some too, like

Self-concept – “fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self”.

I think in some ways you could argue they both display aspects of:

Affect or emotional regulation – “poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes”

When Boyd was little, he often wondered why other people were treated better than him - why, when he was getting perfect grades, he was going above and beyond whenever possible, when he was trying to be “a good boy” all the time, when he went out of his way to stay quiet and not bother anyone – why, despite all his attempts, other people were celebrate yet he was reviled, even if the people being celebrated were awful people doing awful things. He used to study other people relentlessly, trying to understand what it was about them that made them acceptable and what it was about him that made him not.

That’s why, despite being such an introvert, he’s good at blending in and going undercover; it’s why he can adjust to new situations and, in a way, act - because he always had to monitor and adjust himself his whole life just to feel seen and loved. His dad loved him on his own so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but with the trauma that came from the loss of his dad, and what happened with Lou, plus everything afterward, it really messed everything up.

Boyd was not a victim of childhood sexual abuse, but more of emotional abuse. Well, I guess, I should say for the most part he wasn’t.

Hsin was definitely a victim of childhood sexual abuse and probably physical abuse (that bit I can’t recall for sure). He was raped even as a small child, and that led into different aspects of his life. One reason, for example, he would go berserk and was seen by the Agency as unreliable in cases of him seeing sexual assault was because he saw, in some way, himself in those victims. It was probably his way of protecting people when he hadn’t been protected, himself.

I can’t speak too much on Hsin’s specific mental health status or repercussions because I didn’t write him so I’m not fully in his mind, but I do know that sort of berserker aspect is part of what came from his sexual abuse and physical abuse and just generally how he grew up. If I recall correctly, a lot of that led into why he was so unstable and dangerous when Emilio first found him; why it took so long to get Hsin to find a way to deal with the violence and aggression and anger in him, in addition to everything else that would have happened regardless of that childhood trauma. Why, too, it was such a huge deal when Boyd was able to earn Hsin’s trust, because he had learned in his life to trust almost no one.

You can see some of the way they both display aspects of C-PTSD as adults as well in the list at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder#Adults

I should be clear: I am NOT a psychiatrist or psychologist so I’m not suggesting that they would be specifically diagnosed with any of these disorders were they to get official diagnoses. However, the reason I bring it up is to show that a lot of the series reflects the way their coping mechanisms lead them to interact within themselves and with the outside world, all of which is often directly or indirectly tied to trauma.

Why is Boyd so terrified of anyone seeing him without his shirt in the beginning? Trauma. Why is he depressed? Trauma. Why is he suicidal? Trauma. Why does he go out of his way to avoid a certain block? Trauma. I would have to look at specific symptoms of different things but I would guess that you could also tie back some of his instability and his sometimes inconsistent reactions to trauma as well. Sometimes he does things or says things that may seem a bit reckless, or cold, or some other unexpected thing at that time - and a lot of times it’s probably in part related to how he learned to cope with things and what his levels of defensiveness are or his fears are at that moment. But he also has a complete inability to see the good in himself for a long time which also ties back, I would think, to some of the things he experienced growing up/previously.

Boyd is an incredibly unreliable narrator. He spends most of his narration thinking about how awful he is, how he should just die, how he isn’t doing a good enough job, and so forth. Yet, that fails to show the impact of some of his choices and decisions. Boyd was pretty much the first person to treat Hsin like a normal human being, to not see him as a surrogate of anything or anyone, to not have any ulterior motives or expectations of him (no matter how well-intentioned), and to truly gain his trust as a result. Yet, Boyd didn’t really see it that way. He didn’t see how important it was for Hsin that he ended up in his life; he didn’t get why Hsin was exasperated the times Boyd said he (Boyd) should just die, that there was no value to his life. He didn’t believe he could be loved so he couldn’t see it was even a possibility at first. Therefore, he spends a lot of his narration over the series belittling himself and downplaying any of his own achievements while simultaneously rewarding or acknowledging what others around him are doing. Not every moment of his narration, of course, but his default state of self is to think he sucks and others are probably better.

Conversely, Hsin is a confident narrator. He often doesn’t doubt himself, doesn’t care what other people think, and is very sure of himself in a lot of aspects like his physical prowess which, itself, is already above and beyond nearly everyone else. Yet he also learned not to trust or rely on anyone else in his life, so he’s incredibly suspicious of others because that’s how he had to learn to be. So, especially in the beginning of the series, in his narration he tends to be very factual about his own achievements and not shy away from acknowledging the things that are powerful about him (even if he doesn’t always see it as anything that special), while simultaneously seeking out anything untrustworthy, unreliable, incompetent, or unworthy about those around him. His narration tends to point out the flaws of those around him because he learned that if he doesn’t protect himself, he’s vulnerable, and when he’s vulnerable he gets hurt.

The result of that is, if you read their narrations straight as if it’s all perfectly reliable, Boyd seems even more unreliable and Hsin seems even more perfect than they actually are, because their default states of being overlap in a manner which magnifies the flaws in Boyd and the merits in Hsin.

Both of them learned to be how they were because of how they were raised, what they went through, and more. Same as how they react to various things throughout the series.

I can’t more specifically comment on anything without knowing what in particular you were thinking of when commenting in the ask about trauma and sexual abuse. But I think generally speaking, they already start the series having learned coping mechanisms that work for them based on trauma they already individually experienced. Those coping mechanisms end up oftentimes being challenged and at times destroyed or reworked throughout the course of the series. That is what leads to a lot of their ups and downs as individuals and as a couple; why their story isn’t a straight arc going up but instead derails a lot. And why they both spend the entirety of the series coming to terms with who they are both internally and externally, and what that means for their relationship, and how they can find a way to grow as a person and a significant other. They both ultimately have to work on trust; Boyd has to learn to trust himself, Hsin has to learn to trust others, and they have to learn to trust each other.

The way people deal with trauma is not the same for everyone. Sexual abuse doesn’t result in the same reaction for all people. I’m not sure if maybe one of the things you were thinking is maybe about sexual abuse during the series itself? I already linked something that goes more in depth on Fade so I won’t touch on that book, and I really can’t speak for Hsin because he isn’t my character so I don’t want to misrepresent his thought process as hidden behind narration or actions at different points.

The only other thing I can think of that maybe you’re thinking about is Boyd’s valentine status, and how he doesn’t seem to have overtly strong reactions to anything until Fade. If that’s one aspect of what you were thinking about, part of that is just how Boyd deals with things. He tends to avoid things that are difficult for him or he has difficulty focusing on, and oftentimes shuts down emotionally.

I think honestly he probably dissociated to some extent during a lot of things; kind of separated his body from his mind and felt like whatever happened, happened. For a lot of the time that he was a valentine early on, he had such little love for himself that regardless of how upsetting anything was, how little he wanted to do certain things, he felt on some level like he deserved it. Some things were probably a subconscious form of self-punishment for being born, for being who he is, for surviving when Lou didn’t, for surviving when his dad didn’t, for never being enough for his mother, for just plain existing. Then as time went on he grew to rely on Hsin and find strength in him. It’s also not like every mission he had was a valentine one, or even that every valentine has to end in anything physical.

That’s why he was able to find ways of dealing with things in some form, even if he didn’t like it or was uncomfortable at times, until the Aleixo mission. He thought he knew how to handle things; he thought he had found apt coping mechanisms. But that mission tore that all apart and nearly destroyed him. His coping mechanisms didn’t work the way they had and now he had to find a new way to survive, and from there came a lot of his instability and more that you see in Fade and as I mention in that blog post.

But in short, I feel like the majority of the series ends up touching, indirectly or directly, on some form of trauma as experienced currently or in the past by one or more of the main characters, and their resulting actions then drive the plot. That is one thing we were very specific about doing: having the plot adjust to the characters rather than force the characters to adjust to the plot. That’s why Afterimage exists, actually; the original plan was sort of like 3/4 of Evenfall and then kind of jumping into aspects of Fade. But we realized at the end of Evenfall that certain things would occur which would then lead to Afterimage and Afterimage then led into aspects of Interludes, which then led into aspects of right before Fade, which then affected a huge part of Fade itself, which then informed 1/27. We didn’t set out to write a series specifically about trauma, it’s just sort of one of those things that happens if you take two characters who have been treated so cruelly or poorly for so much of their lives, and put them together as any sort of team - but especially a team that becomes a couple, and a couple that becomes all but married.

+ +

Regarding the other stuff, I haven’t had a chance yet to check if you answered my question about the hetero relationship comment, so I can’t comment on that until I know more of what you mean. But I would say that generally speaking, I don’t know that I believe it’s necessarily fair to label anything as strictly “hetero” vs “m/m” vs anything else for a relationship. That brings with it a lot of assumptions of what it means to be not only gay or LGBTQIA+, but also straight. It seems to suggest there is only a single way or a very strict set of ways for a cis male and a cis female to be together both in a relationship and to have sex, and I guess I don’t feel like that’s necessarily reflective of reality. People are very complex and so are their relationships, as well as their sex lives.

I’m not sure how specifically the series ended up hurting you but I’m very sorry you felt hurt by anything. That’s a terrible feeling to have to experience. I hope that in whatever way, however it may work best for you, you have the time and space to reflect and recover and rejuvenate. You, like everyone, deserve it.

And honestly, if that means you have to leave the series completely in your past, never to think about it again, if that’s what’s healthiest for you, I truly wish you are able to do so. Stories are there to connect with other people, to share our thoughts and sometimes help us work our way through our own while reading. No story is worth your mental health being put in question. If it is truly upsetting to you to think about the series, it is absolutely not worth your energy. You are more important than a story will ever be. Everyone is. And I say that despite how much I love and rely on stories to get me through life.

If part of your duress is you like aspects of the writing style but the series itself and its contents upset you, you could try reading some other stuff. I have some things I wrote solo that you can find on my AO3 if you want. But also you can find other writers entirely. Depending on what you’re looking for in a story, and the sort of topics you’ve learned work well for you or don’t work well for you, you should be able to find a ton of great series out there and great authors out there who will leave you with the happier aspects of your reaction to ICoS without anything more detrimental like it sounds happened for you with ICoS.

Regardless, I truly wish you the very best. As I said in the other one, please stay healthy and safe! And, if you’re in a place to manage it, stay happy as well :)

Brightest of blessings to you and yours, my friend!

#ask ais #icos #in the company of shadows #Anonymous

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rpbetter · 3 years ago

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Do you think the psa would be watered down or lose impact if it just said "most rpers" don't like being a meme resource? It's so easy to tweak the language so it works better, idk.

I don't think it would have changed anything at all, as it's the same statement and reads the same.

I'm not trying to be hateful here to you, Anon, by the way, the issue with this PSA is just a really good example of the severe issue tumblr has (everywhere on tumblr, like holy shit, please reference the "color theory" vs blood trails in the children's hospital post for a hilarious yet perfect demonstration) with reading comprehension and presumption - especially when something either irritates the other party or they feel it gives them an opportunity to be educational with a heavy side helping of superiority.

It's unnecessary to say "most rpers" instead of the added statement that "most DON'T" with the reminder to check rules. It's literally the same statement.

Most what? Giant squid? Tea-drinkers?

What is the PSA in reference to? Not giant squid who are tea afficianatos, it's a roleplay PSA about roleplay written by a roleplay help blog.

Ergo, the answer to "most what" is: most roleplayers.

I know there is a term for this in reading comprehension, but my brain is twenty kinds of fried right now, to the point that I just cannot spend time on Google trying out search phrases to find it, I'm sorry. In any case, it's assumptive logic and works a lot like how your brain fills in other obvious factors. Not just in this way! We automate entire words correctly after we've been reading for a while. You know those stupid posts that were popular several years ago where the sentence is missing many letters and some words abruptly, but you read it correctly? That. It's like that.

Before anyone wants to start with the ableism shit again, you know who tends to be exceptionally good at this? People on the ADHD and autism spectrums. So, we'll not be having any of that today, thanks.

This is also not an issue of not understanding tone that makes the sentence what it is. The tone of the post (which I would say is frustration turned informative) has nothing to do with the obvious flow of "most --> what --> rph blog with an rp psa --> roleplayers."

The issue with the tone is that it exists, like the PSAs that get negative commentary here and...everywhere.

Salty didn't say, "uh maybe 👉👈 🥺 if it's not too much trouble could we be careful about not using other muns as meme and aesthetic resources 🥺🥺 it makes them feel bad about themselves and I don't want to make anyone feel bad but it's a bit rude kthx angels."

That's the issue.

Tumblr has shitty reading comprehension and basic deductive reasoning, with an inability to refrain from correcting everyone anyway, but when it's something disagreeable to a tumblr user it's so much worse. Like, you wouldn't pass second grade in my grade school that was actually the worst in a state that is also one of the top five worst for education in the country kind of worse.

The only thing that I think people would have felt worked better was giving them permission to keep doing it in some way. They shouldn't need to put on there that if it's not a problem for the mutual you are reblogging these things from, then, this isn't about you in clearer terms than they did either. If this isn't a problem, it isn't a problem, this isn't your PSA, guys! It's for people who just keep running into this problem, who have it in their rules, have had to speak to multiple mutuals about in the past, or who have mutuals who deal with this problem very often, and they want to put out a reminder that it isn't acceptable.

Like, for the record? Personally, I have it in my RP blogs' rules that I don't want to be used as a resource if we don't interact in any way, but if we're friendly non-writing mutuals or writing partners, I'd rather you reblog it from me because I love to see mutuals interacting with things and do not have a ton of mutuals on any of my blogs to have notifications go missing in the pile. So, I don't even entirely fit into the PSA myself. I have plenty of mutuals who don't want anything reblogged from them except for a thread reply, however, and I don't have to feel the same way they do in order to empathize with their frustration at feeling used.

For me, this PSA is like many PSAs I reblog that I might not have any personal investment in - it comes down to the issue we all face of having our rules, boundaries, preferences, and direct requests ignored because the RPC is total shit at treating others respectfully.

Someone was going to have an issue with that PSA, as absolutely ridiculous as it is to have a problem with that one on a non-controversial and established issue, because it aggressively told them to stop following gratification over reasonably respecting other muns. It would not have mattered how many words one shuffled, omitted, or added. The message is the same, and in the case of adding "rpers" in between "most" and "don't," it's literally the same.

So, no, I don't think it would lose anything or gain anything. I don't think it would clarify or be an improvement. And I don't think it would have mattered to anyone who got upset enough to nitpick it using far too serious for the situation buzz phrases. I was genuinely surprised no one tried to say it was "gaslighting" to be perfectly honest lmao

Anyway, I think you might feel like it would have been a significant difference, though? Maybe you can tell me why you feel that way? If it had said that instead, is there something else about the PSA you still would have taken issue with? Absolutely genuine questions!

#answered #anonymous

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 7 years ago

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how to keep yourself together during uni semesters in australia:

im not gonna lie: over the past 3 years at uni, i have never kept myself together. so, im probably not the right type of person to give anyone advice on how to keep yourself “together” at uni lmao. but i felt like doing it, since im close to finishing so here you go, people:

class/subject and degree advice:

- if you’re not doing a double degree (which will probably give you four or five subjects to do each sem, and a full 4-5 days at uni each week, like some of my friends), stay home on your days off. take those days both to relax, and also fill yourself in to do some of your readings (although i’ll admit i only started the “doing my readings” thing this semester after two years of ignoring them, lol whoops.) this will help your stress levels a bit (hopefully) bc at least you know what the fuck you’re talking about in class and can actually say something during your tuts/lectures.

- if you’re doing a single degree or even a double degree (again i know some people who’ve done it with double degrees), and your full load of 4 or maybe 5 subjects is stressing you the fuck out, drop down to three units per a semester, if you want to actually keep a full load for certain things. yes, it will make your degree go slower in most cases, but not as slow as going part time. it will obvs make your load a tad lighter (if you’re a full-time student), and it’ll free up your days spent at uni. it will give you fewer deadlines to worry/stress about.

on another note, go part time if you want to/have to. i met one person at a careers fair this year who’d been at uni for five years doing her commerce degree with just one subject a semester bc it gave her less stress and plenty of time to actually work at her job.

- go to your faculty’s/school’s help desk to find out whether your course progression is right. also book meetings with the head of your faculty whenever you can; according to the head of the students bookings are open or wherever possible in your timetable. doing this lets you know whether you’re progressing with your course in the right time-frame, or right time-frame for you. remember, these people are there to help you. this saved me hours of worrying throughout my degree.

- TRANSFER DEGREES IF YOU HAVE TO: if you feel out of your depth, or completely disinterested in your degree, transfer from it. in some cases (mostly if you’re in the same faculty and the degree is a flexible/general one) you can easily get the first year subjects in transfer credit. this is what i did in first year, when i realised that i felt very out my depth, personality-wise and for other reasons, in the bachelor of communication and media studies in 2015. i knew, after one semester of it, that it was not what i wanted to study.

I realised that forcing myself through marketing and management subjects and studying blogging at uni just bc i had a tumblr- yes, that was my kind of ridiculous and super misguided reason for picking the course, believe it or not- would “kill” me, (like obvs not literally) but it would drain tf out of me if i continued w/ it. but luckily, since it was in the same faculty, all i had to do was do an extra subject in spring sem in 2015 (bc degree changes required you to have 24 credit points in a semester to transfer at my uni for most courses), and that sem sucked, but i got a years worth of credit in my degree, so i finish one semester earlier.

- for classes in a single degree, try and find your ideal amount of days at uni. my ideal is three days. i almost had the opportunity to have a two day week at uni this sem, bc the timetable gods were almost good to me. but unfortunately, the timetable gods were assholes and managed to let a two hour tut for one class (editing) on tuesdays ran through my US literature lecture. but i also didn’t really want just 2 days at uni, bc i knew that i probably wouldn’t be fucking productive at all in the 3 remaining days i had off during the week.

- go part-time if you have to, no matter whether you’re on a single or a double degree. do your degree on your own terms.

- don’t listen to your parents spiel on your degree or what majors/minors to do. same goes for running your subject choices by your parents.

- or if uni is really, really getting you down, you can defer for six months and go back later. (also, for mental health, see a councilor/psychologist either from your uni or outside of uni, i started doing this after a mental breakdown in second year).

- on feedback from your professors/tutors: okay, so. i’ll admit here that i’ve become the asshole student that literally only gives a shit about the number grade, rather than the quality etc comments that the professor (usually) gives back to me after they’ve marked my assignment, bc i don’t really have the heart to read what they’ve written etc. but, like. actually read their feedback... or listen to it.

if you have an odd professor that likes to give audio feedback (one of my philosophy profs did this, and no. i didn’t listen to it on either assignment, particularly bc it was my least fave subject that sem and bc i had a drama with the essay that lost me like 20% of my grade for that subject), listen back to it and see what they say on your (presumably, i have faith in y’all) well bullshitted essay. their feedback is valuable. also don’t be afraid to approach your tutors for feedback either.

- on asking for help/advice on your assignments or the subject in general from your profs/tutors: DO THIS. of course, it’ll just be general guidance in their consultation hours or via email, but, don’t be scared to ask them! it might boost your marks a bit or help you clarify your essay’s argument or something like that. i was too terrified for the better part of my degree, and then too stubborn to ask for help from my profs/tutors and i think that’s why my marks and my mental health got kinda shitty. idk how to ask for help. but then again, idk how many people actually do this in the courses i did. but y’all do it.

for the general side of this, they can help you by giving you extensions (if they’re not an asshole) or whatever to help you sort your shit out. this is something i never did. but do it when you need it.

- on the topic of marks, they don’t matter. but don’t try and settle in the “p’s get degrees” mindset... even though i say this whenever i get a final mark and it’s a pass. i aimed for a credit average tbh, marks wise. i’m dead average lmao. but then again, i’ve never been a straight-A student, born to graduate uni with like high class honours or the like.

general uni life and life advice:

- GET YOUR P’S OR BLACKS (i.e. GET YOUR DRIVER’S LICENCE Y’ALL), if your family circumstances permit it or if you’re motivated enough, before you get to uni. it’ll open up so many opportunities on campus (if you don’t live on the campus and you live far away from it). and also other ops outside of uni. (but then again you might not bother driving to uni everyday bc like uni parking, depending how it is at your uni, will always be a fight for spots.

- although i said earlier to use your days off to do some study... also use them for self-care and like life admin meaning the following:

face masks

actually take a looooonnnnngggg fucking showers y’all. the shower is the one place you’ll actually fully relax while you’re at uni. also it’s a good place to mentally plan and map out your essays etc.

yes, netflix

BUY A KINDLE (if your budget permits ofc). although it was a big cost on the outset obvs (its like $200), it was the best investment for me. i saved a fuck ton of money for some subjects, bc the books were either free or like $20-$30 cheaper on my kindle and not anywhere between $20-$40 for some texts in the uni shop. like, textbooks for english lit/creative writing or even philosophy (sometimes) etc subjects, can amount in costing to $200 or more in total for buying separate texts, just like a single, average business/law/nursing/science textbook.

read books from outside of your prescribed texts, and get totally engrossed in them if you can. i did this in first year with the complete tomorrow, when the war began series and the ellie chronicles (it’s sequel trilogy) by john marsden. and yes, i completely ignored by readings for these books, bc i hated like 90% of my uni texts. but i’ll admit that it made uni a tad more bearable, though.

if you have free days, do not go into uni. use them to catch up on sleep. or do my next point.

apply for jobs. maybe you’ll be lucky to get one and learn how to balance study with work. also it can keep you sane, money wise. something i didn’t get to have during these last 3 and a 1/2 years. but you’ll also get to know how hiring works, in general.

make yourself a fucking study timetable. this will help you get an idea of when you’re set for study. and i know, i know. it’s so hypocritical of me to suggest this bc i never bothered to make one for myself anf instead went with “i’ll study when i feel like it”......... which, um, barely ever happened all throughout uni... until this sem. lol whoops. try and stick to your timetable.

if you can, delete you fucking tumblr.

COFFEE! COFFEE! COFFEE! MAKE THIS BEVERAGE YOUR FRIEND.

if your uni has a bar, don’t avoid it. you might make friends there. i was alone at uni for a vast bulk of the time, so i avoided the bar and mostly stayed in the library.... which didn’t give me much time to make friends.

if you make good friends at uni, talk to them often, so that you can coordinate some of your classes/tuts with them and so you can exchange not w/ each other to save time come exams. it’ll also save your ass in some classes where the prof passes around the roll in the lecture and doesn’t really check the attendance

also try and pick subjects that have recorded lectures, those fuckers save your ass come essay writing time etc.

if you’re doing literature/creative writing etc subjects, read some of your prescribed texts in the uni break- in either the november-march break or the june/july break. yeah, it’ll drive you insane bc you’re reading for a class in the holidays, but, fuck. it’s saved my ass a couple of times with books that are anywhere between 200-400 pages long (e.g. wuthering heights, lady chatterly’s lover, the grapes of wrath, any of shakespeare’s plays etc etc) giving me either a lighter reading load bc I’d finished the book during break or I’d left a few pages near the end of the book, but had read the bulk saving me a fuck tonne of reading time during the heavy part of the sem.

AUDIOBOOKS BITCHES. i only started using audiobooks on youtube when doing shakespeare. but damn. they’re amazing if you don’t really want to be engaged in a physical book sometimes, and great for gauging the tone of whats being said/picturing the characters more clearly when doing literature/creative writing subs. i’ve heard several times that they’re particularly good for commuting to and from uni, if you live far away. but sometimes they can be a bit pricey.

buy secondhand textbooks y’all.

DO NOT BUY YOUR TEXTBOOKS IN ADVANCE, in some cases. i did this for a lot of my subjects, and some times one to two of the texts changed each year... or in one case, THE WHOLE FUCKING READING LIST CHANGED. LITERALLY, and i’d spent like $200 buying the books in advance. but also, i got to read some good books by accident. don’t waste your money. but if you can find them cheap (like old editions in other fields obvs, that students are selling, buy them if you hella need the book)

take lunch in to save money on expensive campus food. but on that same note, don’t forget to spoil yourself with some of the nice food on campus every once in while.

also for lit/creative writing subjects, go to your local op shop or thrift shop to find some of the older books and get them for like $2 or 90cents instead of the fucking $15-$30 that your uni will have you sell your soul for.

Feel free to add more!!! and defs for other fields!

#life #about me #shut up ilona #uni #uni life #ilona tries to give advice

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pekorosu · 7 years ago

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some rambly thinky thoughts

warning for ch17 and 18 spoilers

so i've finally figured out how to make the mangaone app work... turns out i had to use a vpn -_- apparently u can read a chapter in advance (ch18 in this case) but ofc some money has to be spent lol

anyway !!! wow! imma try not to go into too much detail but i need to dump my thoughts somewhere

we're finally getting into the enigma that's anonymous!!

i like that ch17 brings up how anon may seem distant or even emotionless to most ppl, but that's not entirely true. esp that shot of her expression when tchaiko mentions seichirou's condition, and the whole thing with tsubaki (👀) insisting anon is human too.

this eventually culminates in the next chp reveal:

anon: “i think i'm probably asexual.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kinda makes me go hmmmmm tho. since this is in jp, “asexual” doesn't quite have the same meaning as it would in english... in fact it's closer to what we would now consider “aromantic asexual”

further context:

“oh, an asexual... that’s having no interest in both romance and sex, wasn’t it?” “yes.”

(this isn’t an area i’m well-versed with but afaik "nonsexual/ノンセクシャル" is more commonly used to refer to those who do experience romantic attraction. seems like things are done a lil differently in jpn so yeah)

i’m curious as to how the scanlators are gonna go about it. putting a lil note to clarify would be sufficient i guess. just worried it might worsen the already existing misconceptions of asexuality among english-speakers, haha. anon’s story does have more to do with not wanting to settle down in a romantic partnership as per societal expectations, instead preferring a solitary life (among other things... their aversion to labels seems to extend to their entire self imo).

shrugs. anyway.

tchaiko & seichirou bring up the idea that perhaps what anon wants is to be “anonymous” (“you are nobody; just a ‘someone’ that no one knows, from somewhere”)... which triggers a “that’s it!!!!!” moment for anon. so they decide to ditch all labels and “become” that from then on.

however, tchaiko thinks all they’ve done is attach a new label onto anon and wonders if that’s actually a good thing or not.

point. but hey, at least it’s a label that anon likes, right?

on the other hand, tasuku ponders if it's really possible to live in solitude, if anon truly doesn't get special feelings for anyone at all. thinks that yeah, being in love is painful but at least it beats being lonely.

ah yes, the usual but how can u possibly be happy without (romantic) love!

*pats tasuku on the head*

i’m sure anon isn’t lonely... after all y'all are there keeping them company :)

other things:

- saki apparently got outed to her dad??? aaaaaaaaa i hope everything works out in the end *crosses fingers*

in hindsight i wonder if the trash bag saki found in front of the lounge is like... foreshadowing or smth o_o it did take up half a page...

- wow tsubaki has been hanging out at the lounge a LOT... guess he’s an official member now lmao. unfortunately ch18 ends ominously with his dad dropping by on business matters, only to find him there.

at this point my gut feeling is pretty much yelling into a megaphone: THIS KID IS BI OR I’M GONNA EAT MY SHOE!!!

or at least, questioning in some way.

i mean, you could say that he's there so often bc he's a curious kid/growing ally but that doesn't explain why he keeps making random flirty faces at tasuku even tho he’d been all "lol gays are gross" before.

(??? is "flirty" even the right word? is he making fun of tasuku? we don’t fucking know!!!! he always looks a lil creepy tho idk if that’s intentional or what /sweats)

there’s also haruko going "u must be popular" and him specifically bringing up "yea especially with the girls" before doing the weird thing he does at tasuku again... like... WHY DRAW ATTENTION TO THAT IF IT'S MEANINGLESS? ya okay i guess he could just be being mean on purpose but ughhhhhhhhhhh

tbh the reason i started having this suspicion was actually a few chps back during tsubaki's chat with anon:

"what are you? a lesbian? an ex-guy? ex-girl?"

"what about you? are you a girl? a guy? or gay?"

i dunno, something about the duality here just stood out to me. girl/guy. gay/lesbian.

and now with this aseku reveal it feels like it could be juxtaposing anon vs tsubaki in the "neither/none" vs "both/all" sense. to me, both of them have a sort of similar vibe in that can’t-be-pinned-down way... but they’re also different?? IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT ARGH

ofc these things could be an indicator of him being closeted with a good dollop of internalised homophobia as opposed to being bi per se. i mean, tasuku did mention tsubaki's tears felt similar to his own when he'd still been deathly afraid of admitting he's gay.

eehhhhhhhh i could end up being absolutely honkingly WRONG and i would be embarrassed as hell but y’know. gut feeling. IDK idk idk. whatever it is, it will likely be clarified in the next chapter aaaaaaaaaa

lastly: i wonder if anyone knows what the whole jumping off a building/walking mid-air imagery anon keeps making ppl see symbolises o_o

#shimanami tasogare #peko tls #oops got longer than expected #alrdy edited but i initially typed out the first draft #switching around between he/she/they pronouns for anon without even realising it...#which i think means the author has done a great job portraying them as Ambiguous :x

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yamlog · 4 years ago

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before february comes

ok so like, it is one thing to know about smth hurtful when it has just happened but it is A COMPLETELY OTHER THING ALTOGETHER to be asked about it by someone who for some reason, thought that you knew all along all these months WHEN YOU DIDN’T. and why would i? did i not say many many times that i am NOT going to keep up? i am actively avoiding, i am keeping my feed clean and free from distractions, i NEVER look at my explore page except to follow very specific hashtags. i have been PROTECTING my peace of mind and sanity with all my energy and effort for like, what, 1.5 years. for good reason. and then to be asked (borderline informed) something so PREPOSTEROUS. do you know how sick i felt when i heard? i was trying to work and it became impossible because my brain was so confused i started feeling nauseas. i had to skip dinner and immediately take action instead of letting that horrible feeling burrow deeper into my chest. i didn’t even have to see anything in person. people sent me screenshots, telling me that they will look at it on my behalf and i shouldn’t go and see. and that’s not even the worst thing. the worst thing is all the consolation messages that came from SO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE later on, coming out and confessing and saying they knew and they suspected but they didn’t want to tell me because they knew i’d be shocked and disgusted and upset and they wanted to protect me from the news because i was trying to pass practicum. and i love them for that, i really do. my friends really just do want the best for me and they are not willing to start a war or actively do anything, but they do care enough to message me in private to share their thoughts on the matter. i got so many ‘i saw her story and i was so surprised,” “it’s such a shady thing to do,” and “what is she trying to prove.” then of course there were people who were very critical of the presentation and how it seems deliberately designed to mislead. and when i clarified, it just made everyone even more confused. ‘huh, if not dating then why she post as if they were’ ‘need to tag meh’ ‘she tag for who to see’ ‘is she trying to show off got a guy wait for her to end work and take many pictures of her on their dates? and then must tag the guy so everyone can see who it is even though he’s not inside?’ ‘how come her username is like a copy of your tinycl0ud’ (lmao i wish i knew the answer to this one but at this point is anyone surprised? no.) ‘is it she want his dick’ ‘dating or not dating it’s very obvious she has interest’ etc etc

so here are MY thoughts, after having talked to practically everyone in my life about it. my thoughts reflect most of what others think. i am trying to be conscious of the fact that i’m still too emotional to really formulate my own opinion, and so of course it is easier to mirror and receive the opinions of those around me. but i think until i can finish processing, i am okay with received feelings.

number one: indignation. because Yes, why the fuck even do this? sg is so fucking big and full of other men. if you want a bf or new friends it’s so easy to find. must go after your ex-friend’s ex-partner? the rest of the sg don’t have men isit? you won’t be happy unless you get to experience that which you have always envied in me isit? you tag, knowing full well that people in MY life still follow and EVERYONE knows what he looks like and who he is. so what is the fucking intention? to show that someone finds you attractive enough to take photos of you? you know, quite a few people have pointed out to me the fact that i used to be the frequent subject of his phone camera (i am grateful but i have also thankfully moved on), and that maybe you have always envied it, and now that it’s your turn you’re revelling. ppl take picture of you like you always wanted, ok good for you, but must tag to make sure everyone knows exactly who did it? so everyone knows you hang out? or maybe date? because who else would wait for you to end your shift and buy you drinks but someone you’re romantically involved with. and you tag so everyone knows it’s a guy, and it’s THAT particular guy. gross and pathetic. which brings me to the next point.

number two: disdain and disgust. why hanker after someone’s ex?? i really don’t get it. was it because on my private twitter i said that i enjoyed myself and he treated me well, so now she has it in her head that she wants the same treatment? a normal human being doesn’t do that. in fact, i have read her tweets about how much she enjoyed having sex with the guy from tinder she had a fling with, with very lengthy descriptions of his dick size and texture, and not once did i feel the need to go and experience it for myself. because there’s this thing called girl code, on top of basic human decency. normal people DON’T hanker after their friends’ exes, even after friendship ends. MORE THAN ONE EX TOO. normal people also don’t tweet stupid shit like ‘every time julian took public transport and waited outside studio i felt so envious because ___ never did that for me, even though he had a motorcycle and could go anywhere, which makes me wonder if i’m not worth being loved.’ LIKE UM OK HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL, reading something so MANIPULATIVE AND GUILT-TRIPPY ON TWITTER DOT COM. julian wasn’t a great ex (or even a great person) but he did occasionally do nice things, and you romanticise the ONE thing to the point of comparing it with your own lacking relationship?? red flag. and then when i have another ex, you hanker after what he represents once again, which is good treatment. well idk what to say but people i date generally treat me well sometimes. and the common factor here is obviously me. so even if you date the same guys i date it doesn’t mean?? u will be treated the same way?????? just a thought. it is truly extremely pathetic to hang onto hope that this Perfect Idealised Boyfriend On A Pedestal could someday be yours if you just wait long enough. you waited 2 years for your RC ex and he still dumped you for a virginal year 1. i hate him on your behalf, and never in a million years would i consider wanting him, no matter how attractive or charismatic he is. simply because, even though i hate you, i will NOT touch your exes that I KNOW FULL WELL have hurt you.

number three: anger. i don’t hate people. not really. like i don’t think i’ve ever hated anyone enough to wish they’d die a horrible and gruesome death. but the past two days i have felt anger so big it felt like my entire chest was on fire and if i screamed it would come out like a blowtorch. i wanted to take my new ceramic knife and saw off her fingers one by one and then grate her stupid ugly nose off. that was for a moment, and the moment has passed. but i don’t think the hatred will. i can very confidently say that, at least for the next two weeks or so, i will hate her enough to risk damnation. because she IS fucking despicable. and now i guess everyone knows it too.

there was a moment when i wondered why i was so stricken. i spoke to a friend to try to figure it out. i asked her, why am i so bothered. is it because if he dates her after dumping me it means that she’s better than me and that’s what i can’t stand? or is it because he actively makes time to meet her but not me, so on some level he actually does prefer her to me? then my friend said that she doesn’t think that’s the case, and that he probably can meet her PRECISELY because he doesn’t have romantic feelings and he won’t get entangled. additionally, she also reminded me that just because one man, even my ex that i loved deeper than anyone else, chooses her over me, it doesn’t mean his opinion is god’s opinion (or even a wise/informed one) and therefore it is fallacious to jump to the conclusion that he is right and that she IS better or that she has ‘won’. i added to that and said that yes, people are not prizes to begin with anyway. and yes, one man’s judgment does not determine my worth. another friend just said, very bluntly, that his initial thought was ‘let the trash take the trash out’. im still not okay with someone i still love being called trash because like, hello my feelings, but i understand his sentiments lah.

no matter how i rationalise it, i guess it does hurt that he’d spend time with her but not once try to spend time with me. i’d make all the time, i honestly would. and i have endless reserves of care and attention and i feel like over time my capacity just increases, even with the new job and the new charges. but i also know that i never had any power in this relationship. i can’t make the first move, i can’t ask for anything, i will never call the shots because it’s imbalanced from the beginning. so if he doesn’t care to meet me but cares enough about HER to meet HER then what can i do? nothing. just accept it like a horrible itchy clothing tag giving you a rash but u can’t exactly strip down bc ur in public. maybe over time he will start to think that she is right for him, she can make him happy, she is his soulmate. she will have won, my friends’ predictions will be right, i will have been wrong about his character, and once again there will be nothing i can do.

maybe it’s better that he cares so little for me he doesn’t even want to see me at all. because i don’t think my feelings have gone away. it’s magnetic. like an orbital pull. and i know that if i get a little bit i will just want all of it. it was hard enough to pull away the last time and pretend i had to go and pretend i was fine. so if he doesn’t want me in his orbit, maybe it’s actually god’s blessing in disguise and god is trying to tell me that it’s better to be untethered in space than it is to be attached to someone who doesn’t even love me. better to be unhappy on my own than believe i’m happy with someone who doesn’t want me right???

serenity prayer: grant me the serenity to accept that which i cannot change, the courage to change that which i can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

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shadowlink720 · 8 years ago

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FE: Birthright Randomised Chapter 27 and Endgame

(aka ‘we’re finally here, hoooo boi’)

It’s that time again soooo let’s go confront King Garon (obviously going to have spoilers ahahahhahh;;;;;)

aaaaaallllll righty are you all even ready I sure as heck hope I am hahahah

all right let’s go

fite me

.... “(laughs evilly)” the subtitles for the cutscenes are gonna end me

it sure has, old man

yeah, Anankos happened

more vanilla stuff yadda yadda

excuse u I’ve heard people call a sword a letter opener before and then look what happened; it turned out to be Excalibur

I just got axed in the face while you and Azura just stood by and watched dO YOU THINK I’M OK

hoooooo boi can u imagine like sURPRISE QUICK TIME EVENTS how messed up would that be

uhm ok

so we’re just not going to question how Kagero is clipping through Garon, ok--

and also hear how it’s Not gonna happen at all

uhh Azura- Azura that’s not gonna work

yeah definitely not gonna happen

her voiceline was ‘that was impressive’ Azura you could have been killed

freaking- FINALLY

heck yeah it is, Felicia

ehhh not quite but pretty much

420 blaze it hello, yes i am a cheap meme gremlin

oh I know that’s why I’m gonna use the daikon

Git Gud

her voiceline was ‘Fine execution!’ which is actually pretty darn fitting hahahah;;;

you would have sounded significantly more confident if you had left out the ‘practically’

oooooooki doki battle prep time ohhhh I hope i’m ready for this

oh shit there’s a Berserker with Swordbreaker, Vengeance and Counter;;;;;;;; I need to be so careful around him yikes, the maid and sorcerer are also pretty scary ;;;n;;;

this is just defeat the boss though but it’s not a good idea to just charge up to him blindly

...ok I think I’m ready let’s go

it’s not quite a kill, but it’s a start

... if I kill him with the Hunter’s Knife then I can deal with the great knight as well

hooooooo man-

ii don’t think I’m gonna be saying very much, I’m sorry;;;;

just as predicted >:3c

hooooo man

and Kagero too >:y

Bye, bitch

now let’s finish this Hero off

aand we can finish that Great Knight off with Saizooo

oshit Sakura gets doubled by Bow Knights iasdoasudgauweigf

how ‘bout you Don’t Do That Again

... I need to confront that Berserker eventually

Azura /does/ have Axebreaker and Strong Riposte .......... let’s try it

and kill that Wyvern Lord with Kaze

... this guy has Swordbreaker and Azura still has 100%--

Azura you are by far the mvp of this fates run wow, she ACTUALLY got a point of Magic in that level up! :V

yeeeees Shigureeeeeee

... if I use the Iron Yumi on this guy

then we can have her equip the Dual Yumi for the incoming Malig Knights :’D

well it’s a start

oh wait I could have just done this or smth ... actually I’ll give it to Silas

hehEH

that works for me

hooooo

sure I’ll take it

yEAAAAAHHH BOIIIII

I see what you’re trying to do there how bout nah

aww Saizo proced Lethality and I missed it :’’V

ok nevermind he got another one! :’’’’D ‘There’s another’ indeed

well it didn’t kill him but it helped a lot :’’D

how about you Die before you Entrap someone

I love Hidden Weapons, man they may not be strong but their utility is great

and that’s all the Dark Knights dead just one last General then it’s the Sorcerer, the Maid and Garon left >:3c

let’s give it to Hana :V

the maid has countermagic, but like oh, wait Garon has 1 to 3 range

but I still need to get rid of you

yeeeeaaah

I also need to get rid of you

yooooo

ok, time for the moment of truth

ahh, but he has Draconic Hex

... I could start with the Yato? and then have someone switch them around? idk

I think I’ll do that it may cost the life of the person who switches the items but we’re right at the end of the chapter

let’s try it

oh yeah, forts so he heals--

lmao I didn’t do that you just went for her b/c why not

I’ll just keep the daikon equipped

oh- she said ‘For Hoshido!’ again-

right, let’s end the turn

and let’s go again

this may take a while

oooohhhhhh? still not dead-

....... ...... >:3ccccc

ooOOOOOHHHHHHH AND SHE SAID ‘FOR HOSHIDO!’ AGAIN AAAAAAAH

we pretty much won we will win the endgame, at the very least

we really did kill Garon with a daikon

oh yeah but he’s not really dead

he’s a dragon now lol

oh yeah this cutscenes like really long;;;;

but most of it will be vanilla, so I’ll not bring up every other line

that being said tho

We’ve got trouble indeed, Felicia

wh-

Azura’s just bobbing up and down constantly-

as Wonderful and Good and Pure as you are, Mozu it won’t make a difference-

ok she’s stopped bobbing now

HAH hah yeah could have

I can’t believe Corrin is fucking dead

aaand we’re at the Endgame kinda, we still have some cutscenes

but as you can see it’s all vanilla sooo

not quite just in some weird purgatory

time for everyone to say a thing hahah;;

oh ok, not quite yet

now it’s Time

oh my Farore, Setsuna-

what a time for the ‘Time for some murder’ voiceline--

oh wait it was just everyone who came with me to the chapter-

boi just let me fight the dragon

aaand the yato was miraculously reformed-

holy hylia, Felicia--

ohhh my god we still aren’t at the battle prep;;;;

fINALLY

... oh yeah we can’t save it shiiiiiit

but no one except Garon has any skills

ok I

I think we may be ready

hopefully

let’s go

welp it was nice knowing ya, Kagero;;;

fiiiight me Garoooooooon

outta my way, bitch

ok Takumi’s almost dead

but there’s infinite reinforcements so I should really just charge for Garon anyway

i could do the same thing as I did before and switch afterwards

yeah Sure

I should get someone to clog up the throne and the dragon veins, actually

//sigh yep Takumi’s down

let’s try that again;;

oh dear she proced Dragon Fang;;;

oh, he survived :V

aaaand there goes Hinata :’’’’D

now’s our chance

awwww yeah

aaand vanilla cutscenes, yadda yadda

aaaaand he dead

ohhhh dear, there goes Kagero

yeah nah, she Dead

all the more reason to play Revelation hahahh;;;;

oh she just stood up hahahh

still technically not the ‘Good Ending’ tho lol

idk man I mean you kicked ass in a lot of chapters

lmao she’s like perfectly fine-

oh yeah, the cutscene where she tells Corrin to smile one last time

aaaand

she done evaporated

aaand Corrin talking to themselves and such

well that’s ominous

aaand back in Hoshido

does that mean she’s finally found her chill? I doubt it hahahh;;;;

soooo I guess she has then huh

well, ever since she was born she had been preparing herself for if it ever happened-

aww geez, Mozu oAo

(i should clarify they’re talking about Mikoto)

HEH

oh Felicia I’m gonna miss your sass in Revelation

no shit, Sherlock-

ayyy

and there’s also always a grey area ... i wish Revelation felt more morally grey tbh;;;

wait aside from mounted/armoured units and brave weapons; what does Nohr have that Hoshido doesn’t? :V

ayyyyy

(they basically all started crying lol)

yikes, hey

oh, nvm

you? nervous? naaaahhh

ayyyy what’s up Camillaaaa

and the meme gremlin

no, it probably wouldn’t

aand obligatory mention of Elise and Xander just ya know just in case you forgot they’re dead

oh yeah, and her too

guys, she’ll be fine ... at least in Revelation

pfft

lmao tru

well being the reigning monarch isn’t for everyone, sooo

no need to yell, Takumi

(i’m taking so many screenshots I’m sorry)

Felicia let them have fun

oh hey, Hana

and Kaze toooo

who knows but you’re still the excitable puppy you always are

hhhhh just one more cutscene

poor Kagero, man

you probably are, because there wasn’t any sound lol

theeeere she is

oh, ok then

do u see Valla? ‘cause if not you will soon in Revelation

yeah, like the Hidden Kingdom

sorry it’s like we’re at 200 screenshots but i just don’t want to skip too much;;;;

aaand she’s gone again

yeah it’s it’s called Revelation hahahh;;;

I know that personally I would have left within like a few minutes-

aaaaand the ending animated cutsceene

we’re finally at the credits! aaaahhh, that was so fun ;;;u;;;

I’ll miss Felicia as Takumi and Azura as Ryoma and all that, tbh, buuuut there’s nothing much we can do hahah

I hope people who have been reading these have had as much fun as I have :’’D

if uhh if anyone has any sort of inkling how to randomise revelation to work after chapter 6 I would uhh greatly appreciate any sort of guidance in that regard because i don’t know what I’m doing wrong;;;;

#Shadow plays randomised Fates #fe fates #fe: fates #fire emblem fates #fe 14 #fe randomised

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