#idk i dont mind touching dirt and shit i grew up farming and i love getting my hands dirty
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Hahaha ohhhhhh i really am going to have to talk to my doctor about ocd now, all this shit can't just be written off as Big Depression anymore
#fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#like ive KNOWN but. you know.#it's starting to impact different areas of my life#ive always had the SH/violent/sexual intrusive thoughts#but contamination?#ive never had an issue with this#i don't know why it's started hitting me this year#i do not like it!!#it scares me a bit more than the rest#mostly bc it's new but also a bit because i know how debilitating that in particular could become#i also became a bit agoraphobic in 2021 idk if that's related but i dug myself out of it#idk i dont mind touching dirt and shit i grew up farming and i love getting my hands dirty#WHEN I AM IN CONTROL OF THE DIRT/MYSELF#this is different#this is Inside The House issues#i dont wanna get specific bc i dont wanna trigger anyone else's shit (bc i know some of y'all reading this got the same shit going on)#but fuck#im just.#fuck#the system speaks
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