#idk i almost feel like i'm being gaslit here

[lillotte17]

Lace Harding: I have dreams now and they are freaking me out bc they are scary.

Eban Thorne, A Grey Warden Dwarf: Oh, right! Nightmares! I've heard of those!

Me: ...do...dwarf wardens not have the nightmares about the archdemons and darkspawn anymore?? Because they definitely did in DA:O. I know they were worse because there was a Blight, but Alistair sure made it seem like those were a Forever kind of thing. Pretty sure Oghren mentions them in Awakening, too. Also, there is technically a Double Blight happening rn so, you'd think both Davrin and Warden!Rook would be joining the Bad Sleep/No Sleep Club with Neve and Lucanis...

[shiny-jr]

Spoiler from diasomnia chapter

Yes From what you just said, take the 2nd Halloween event i was pretty annoyed with the fact that only ace sort of scolded mal, like wth no one cares? No one will speak their minds? So yeah I feel like it will end like that but on a bigger scale, 'poor him he didn't knew better ' huuu no, i don't think so

In general all OB guys have gone basically free, i don't mean expel them but ... Nobody is going to do something? The one I've seen more ' punished for his actions' is Jamil bc Scarabia sort of turned their backs at him (which later got fixed but at least we saw some consequences)

🐏(?

FOR REAL. I'm pretty sure I already talked about it here, but in case I haven't, the second halloween event ending was complete bs. I hate how the ghosts, Lilia, and Malleus basically kinda gaslit everyone into believing that everyone else was in the wrong when in actuality everyone was completely valid in their belief that they were fighting for their life. And everyone else just apologized? Nah, be fucking for real. The second halloween event kinda a flop for that. Ace was the only real one in that entire event because he didn't stand for that crap. Not only that, but he was genuinely so worried for the mc and Grim!

As for the overblots, they've been getting increasingly worse. Like, Riddle was bad enough and he was the first one. So let's do a review, shall we? Spoilers all the way from chapter one to what we know of chapter seven.

Riddle. At first, I used to think his meltdown was pretty tame. That is, until I read part of the fight depicted in the manga. The fight in the manga goes way more into detail. I skimmed over it, but basically Cater was stabbed (thankfully it was one of his clones) and I remember Riddle throwing one of the roses bushes at either Trey, Ace, or the MC. The manga shows the fights way better than the game, and it becomes obvious that Riddle tries to hit everyone lethally more than once. However, despite that and destroying his dorm's garden, he's let off with his only punishment being to apologize and to bake a tart. Really? He almost killed people and that's it? And that's just the first one! But, it's a lot more tame than the others.

Leona takes it up a tiny notch. From here on out, I can't go into detail about the fight itself because the fighting is best depicted in the manga and the manga isn't here yet, but we have the game to go off of. We know for a fact that Leona was ready to suffocate Ruggie and even turn him to sand. Hell, if I remember right, he even turned a tiny part of his skin to sand. And he planned to injure an entire stadium if necessary. But all that was done was "oh, because you nearly killed people and your closest friend, your team isn't allowed to play in the tournament anymore" BUT to make things worse, the other teams chime in like "nah, let them play, because we want to beat them." WHAT? People nearly died??

I think Azul stays about the same level as Leona, if not lower. Leona was ready to put innocent citizens at risk, while Azul knocked students around his dorm unconscious(?) after stealing their magic. But afterwards, he just changed his scamming ways to be more low-key and chose to return the photograph he had MC and their gang steal. That was literally it. Like, bruh. I imagine he nearly killed people too, but it wasn't specified so I can't say for sure. But really?

Jamil finally takes it up another notch. I think he was seriously hoping the fall from his hit killed Kalim and co when he sent them flying. That, or they just wouldn't survive when that far out into the realm, but I can't be sure on this one. Then he hypnotizes everyone in the dorm. Again, like all the other fights, I can only assume there were multiple lethal attacks that weren't depicted well in the game. Even though it seems like he faced the most punishment with his dorm turning their back on him, idk, it didn't feel like enough.

Vil is probably the one I sympathize with the least. Before he even overblotted, he tried to poison and murder Neige but Rook nearly took his place. I'd say it's very safe to say he nearly killed MC, Grim, Ace, Deuce, Rook, Epel, Jamil, and Kalim by how roughed up everyone was after the battle. He also thought if he got rid of everyone else then he'd be the most beautiful, insinuating that he would harm or kill others. Right after overblotting, he says, "The suffering won't last long. You'll stop breathing soon" and later "Do you really think any who look upon my ugly form is allowed to live?" Yeah, he was definitely aiming to kill. And if Jamil and others hadn't discreetly evacuated the stadium, people would've died. Afterwards he apologized and paid money to the team (the reward money he owed for the loss in the contest), but that was kinda it.

Idia... oh boy. I sympathize with him the most by far, but he didn't get the punishment he should have gotten. Where do I even start with him? To put it simply, if the other guys were fires with ranging heat levels, Idia was a fucking forest fire. This guy and his little brother almost caused the destruction of the world, and that's not an exaggeration. First his family's company basically invaded the school and planned to erase their minds of the event afterwards. Not his fault, but he did go along with it. Then he emotionally tormented the previously overblotted guys after the company kidnapped them by allowing those trials that showcased fights with their closest friends. Finally, he planned to release all of the thousands of phantoms on the island which would have caused world-wide destruction. But then he was somehow still allowed to attend school like normal after an apology or something? Honestly, it was such a shitty minor punishment that I actually forgot most of it, because then they were all in the living room playing video games with him like he didn't just nearly put the world on the verge of armageddon. This ending annoyed me the most so far. Emphasis on so far.

Malleus, oh god, I can already tell that his ending will probably piss me off the most. Like, how are you going to top the disaster Idia and Ortho nearly wrought? Well, shit is already hitting the fan in his chapter, and it is concerning considering how early it is for him to be overblotting. Honestly, like Vil, I can't say I sympathize with him too much. But based on the other chapters, it'll probably end with everyone being a-okay with the fact that Malleus cursed the entire island. Honestly, if it were me, I would not be able to forgive Malleus for that. And I know he's gonna get away with it and have little to no repercussions because he's even more influential than Idia.

[renegade-skywalker]

I almost feel like I'm being gaslit when I see a fic with a ton of kudos, comments and bookmarks only to find it to be so wildly out of character that I have to back out immediately lol

I mean, I get it, you guys are just horny af but combing through the stacks for anything even resembling accurate character portrayal feels like it shouldn't be this hard

like... do you even actually like these characters if the most popular fics are so out of character? bc that's the entire reason I'm even here so for it to be so difficult for me to find is baffling to say the least

idk I feel like I'm going insane

[televisionenjoyer]

Well I had the time of my life as a teenager watching DCLA!! It's a series of telenovelas that Disney Channel made with latinoamerican actors in argentina and then exported to other parts of the world (they should be available on Disney+ I think??) and like I wouldn't say they're. Well let's just say I'm ALMOST ashamed to put them here on my blog for god and the internet to see but they serve the purpose of being entertaining and easy to follow. The farthest from poetic cinema.

The first of these shows, Violetta, still has a surprisingly active fandom due to the lead actress having a very successful musical career nowadays, and it's about a girl who has a passion for music that her dad forbids her to pursue (there was a music school she secretly attended that's pretty much every teenage girl's dream school for real) and of course there's like lots of romance and subplots and yeah. And a mystery as to what happened to her mom and who she was.

The second, Soy Luna, was like. slightly superior writing-wise. It's about this adopted girl who loves to roller skate and has like, dreams of her bio parents, that get stronger once she moves to argentina. anyways she has to deal with the weird dreams and feelings this place gives her while also managing high school, a job, skating practice, while occasionally having musical numbers?? how does she do it? anyways, literally every other character has something batshit insane happening to them like there's some guys who end up briefly homeless and then there's the antagonist who's being gaslit and physically abused by her godmother and she ends up commiting arson no consequences ;) it's really funny. Also that actress became really famous for being on Elite. ANOTHER GUY FROM HERE WAS ALSO ON ELITE he played the fucked up incestuous guy sorry

Simultaneously there was a novela airing on Disney XD called O11CE that was like. Ok how can we keep on selling cheap television but for BOYS this time around? what do boys like? fútbol of course!! so yeah it's a show about soccer and idk why but this is the one I remembered enjoying the most?? I think because there was very little focus on romance and more room for yaoi and yuri spec. This was actually the first DCLA show to ever have a canonically gay character and a queer storyline but it flew under the radar because. well the whole show flew under the radar. it was kinda obscure.

Then there was Bia. I think no one into DCLA watched Bia. That's where I lost track of DCLA personally. I think they're making small shows rn like 20 episodes or so.

Anyways pros of DCLA:

Features characters from various hispanic countries so there's a wide variety of accents within any of these shows.

Since they're ultimately kids show they're pretty easy to follow plot wise

You'll never run out of content also there's like a new TikTok trend of people rewatching these childhood favorite of theirs and making it ✨gay✨

cons:

They're so long lol. Like it's nothing for me cause I'm used to the telenovela format but like yeah they're long

They are literally kids shows

Did I already say they're bad?

hii i’m trying to learn more spanish thru osmosis so I was wondering if you have any tv shows in spanish you particularly like and could recommend?

that HEAVILY depends on the type of Spanish you're trying to learn. A mexican show I really love is Las Bravas FC. It's quite short but I like it because it's like if Ted Lasso was led by someone who's like the complete opposite of Ted Lasso lmao. For Spaniard spanish Aquí No Hay Quien Viva has been considered a cult classic, it's a top tier sitcom imo. And for rioplatense of course my beloved Los Simuladores.

Though I should clarify none of these are too fandom-heavy. However I do know of shows with a significant following and fan content but they're novelas and in consequence of a much inferior quality, which is exactly what puts them on ✨the fandom zone✨

[katiemcgrath]

can we do the drama aunt just one more time? so i've been with my gf for 3 years. we moved in together a while ago because I was moving from my childhood home (had been planned for years) and she was moving out of our ex's (who turned out to be an abusive asshole after she displayed ptsd symptoms). so things are going great but then she loses her job like 3-4 months in. I tell her it's ok I was earning enough to keep us both afloat for a while and she had been having a hard time trying to keep her full time job while her symptoms flared up.

so she takes a few months off, getting unemployemnt and I'm working and things are fine. Then I change jobs and we move out to a new, bigger place and we're still doing alright but things are a little tighter when she loses the unemployement benefits. she has to be hospitalized because she had a bad panic attack in public and reacted violently so the cops detained her. she spends like 2 weeks in the psych ward and then when she comes back she's severely depressed. she feels like she's ruining things, she feels like a failure bc a 30 y/o should have her shit together right?. so I tell her to not worry bc I'm here for her.

flashforward a year and she's still a bit shaky but recovernig from the depressive episode. she's been told she's in the spectrum and she discovers she might be a they actually. so they go on a bit of a self-discovery journey and discover they might actually like to do artistic stuff for a living. I invite a friend over for lunch (let's call her A). A is generally a good person I hold her very dear to my heart but A is completely ignorant on mental health stuff and still very confused on the whole gender stuff. She was also raised evangelical which will make the shit she pulled next really fucking ironic. So A meets my gf and decides she doesn't like them. A says that my gf is taking advantage of me with this psych stuff. A says I'm working for two people when Gf should do her part. I get upset I tell her that as far as I knew partners supported each other right? even when things were difficult, even when there's no fucking money, even in sickness and in health right? and doesn't she work to maintain her father who is a pastor and hasn't worked for the family for the ten years i've known her?

She gets upset then saying that that's her family so she actually has to do something and I tell her well Gf is my family and I'd appreciate it if she left whatever. A and I stop talking but we still follow each other in social media and shit. A constantly posts about abusive relationships using economic power relationships for personal gain etc . Another friend messages me and tells me they think I'm in an abusive relationship. I tell her I don't understand why. This friend tells me that my Gf is taking advantage of the fact that I can work. I tell this friend that that sounds stupid but they say I'm being gaslit or something.

I start to think I might actually be in an abusive relationship but idk I don't understand. I google it and the internet is very vague about this. I don't know what the hell is happening. I start to think I might actually be the abusive asshole. I have a nervous breakdown that ends in me deleting all social media for like a year.

I lost my job. I got another one. I lost it. I bounced between jobs for almost a year. Then I get a good job that pays well. During this time Gf has decided that maybe she doesn't have the artistic abilities to do anything and stops trying to sell their art. They get into trading, buying and selling collectibles. I loaned them some money to start but then it became a self-sustaining thing. They pay me back and we go on a trip. During this trip A messages me asking how things are with Gf. I tell her things are actually good, she's got a business we're doing well, we adopted two cats. A loses it telling me my Gf is trying to tie me to them and that maybe this codependent relationship needs to stop. I ask her to explain me how because I really don't understand (my psychiatrist has suggested I might also be in the spectrum since I can miss social cues constantly). A says that Gf is manipulating me into thinking I am in a good relationship. She knows this because her ex did this with her. I ask her what ex but she doesn't explain.

I try to explain this to my psychiatrist whom I'm visiting because the lithium is making me sick and she needs to adjust my dose. She starts asking me questions about my relationship and I tell her. Yes, I knew she had ptsd when we started living together, yes, she did lose her job and spent a long time without one, yes she is in psych treatment. Then she asks me about my friend. yes, she's been in a bunch of toxic relationships, yes, she's been very vocal about my gf, yes, she's the same one that once tried to tell me my abortion was an offence to her god. my psychiatrist tells me she thinks A is not actually a good friend.

I try to talk about this with other people who know A to see what they think but I get told time and time again that A is just trying to help that I'm actually wrong about her because my Gf has turned A against me. My Gf doesn't even mention A, I tell her. This friend, who is actually a psychologist, then tries to convince me Gf must be doing it in my sleep.

I try to talk about this with another psychologist, one that I actually pay money to see and she tells me that she thinks my friends may be in a cult and they are trying to make me join them by separating me from my family (who is my Gf but also my sister who I don't speak to so much bc she lives a glamorous ER nurse life). I tell her it can't be possible because doesn't a cult need a leader or something? Psychologist tells me A is probably the ring leader.

So two nights ago I was making a playlist about songs from my country and I was kinda drunk and I messaged A to ask her what songs I should add. I tell her I kinda miss her and the way we used to meet for coffee and pie and she texts me back the next day saying she misses me too and I should add such and such song to my playlist and are you still dating Gf? I tell her I am and she doesn't respond. Then she sends me a link to a blog about abusive relationships and how many husbands stop working when their wife finds a job etc and I didn't reply.

I remember the thing Psychologist said. Now I can't stop thinking about if she is in a cult or not or if my Gf is the abusive one because I think she got in my head.

So, uh, help?

Oh.... My.... God..... This is a wild ride, lmao. Holy shit. This was genuinely a ride from start to finish and I don't even regret reading it. Like, I am exhausted from my fucking seteraline and I have a massive headache but this was.... Wow. Worth the weeks wait tbh.

First of all, so glad you're getting actual help. Like, obviously what I say is bullshit cause you're getting actual help.

Second of all, I'm a bit funny with money because I think it's okay to support a partner but it's so vital to make your own money incase a relationship goes wrong and you have no out. It's not an abusive relationship if one person financially supports a partner if they are in a committed relationship and they see longevity in the relationship. I think it's important you set boundaries as well though. It's good your partner has somewhat recovered and is making their own money too.

In regards to 'A' delete and block from all social media and just life, tbh. They don't like you, they don't respect you, they don't respect your girlfriend or your relationship. It's time to delete their number. I mean, the 'cult' is probably just evangelicalism, lmao.

Yeah, take the advice of your psychologist, hahaa.

[not-poignant]

Hey Pia, recently I started therapy but my therapist brushed aside me being emotionally abused & gaslit by my sibling by saying sibling fights are normal & we should focus on how I continue 'letting' it happen. I left the session rlly upset & it sent me into a spiral of self-loathing & doubt all over again/had I made everything up after all? I'm in a better place now but it would be lovely if you could tell me how to deal with such situations better, but no pressure!

Oh boy, bad therapists. Have I had some experience with them.

tl;dr: bad therapists suck, don’t give up, etc. etc.

THIS POST IS SO LONG I AM SO SORRY

Firstly, it is awesome you made the effort to go see a therapist. And please please don’t think all therapists (or even most therapists) will be like the one you saw.

Therapists are regular people, and unfortunately, sometimes regular people suck and a degree doesn’t change that.

Caveat: Not a therapist. Just a person who has seen a lot of therapists. YMMV.

I have seen a lot of therapists in my lifetime. And a lot of bad therapists. I won’t give you the exact number, but it’s well over 10. It’s actually pretty normal to sometimes meet therapists that are just a poor match. Even if the therapist had good reasons to think you were participating in a difficult situation, there’s a lot of ways to bring that up that aren’t straight up invalidating, and they should have tried to hear you, rather than put their opinions forward over yours.

Therapy should be a collaboration. Not just you listening to them. Not just them listening to you. They might disagree with you, they have to be able to do so tactfully and respectfully, and role model to you how to do this in a way that is respectful. And you have the right to disagree with them.

And I’m gonna be honest with you. Sometimes therapists will say things you’re not ready to hear, that hurt and make you doubt yourself. When I first heard: ‘Pia, do you think maybe you want to be sick?’ I about lost my shit internally, and went home and felt suicidal for two weeks. I didn’t think they were right, but I was terrified they were right, and I didn’t think I could tell them about it because how dare they ask me that question in the first place! What the hell?

But I went back and was like: okay, so after this session, and what you said, this is what happened. And I felt totally unsupported and certainly didn’t feel like I could tell you about this, because what, are you gonna tell me I want to be suicidal too? Here are all the ways I think I don’t want to be sick. I’m still deeply scared that deep down I might want to be, but I think you have to realise that what you’ve said is really hurtful to all the parts of me that fight every day - through lifestyle, coming here, eating well, reading self help books etc. - to not be sick. And I need you to acknowledge that.

And they did. And they apologised. Do I think maybe they wanted me to have a reaction? Yes. Do I think maybe they had no idea it would make me suicidal? I think also yes. They never would’ve done it otherwise. The aim isn’t to make your clients want to kill themselves. At all. Ever.

But anyway, the point is (...ignore how long I took to get here), part of therapy is actually telling the therapist when they’ve fucked up and seeing how receptive they are to that. That’s your responsibility as the client, and that’s something you take on when you hire them. Whether or not you feel you can do that is another thing. It’s totally okay to write down how you feel in a letter, and hand it to them, or email it to them. You can say ‘read this and I’m going to go wait in the waiting room and you can come get me after.’ I have written down a ton of things I wasn’t ready to say.

But it’s an important step in actually - weirdly - learning how to stand up for yourself in a working relationship that goes both ways.

Now, about therapy in general. They work for you. You hire them for your health. So if it’s really not working out, then you also have the right to fire them and find someone else.

Sometimes it can be worth explaining why you’re considering firing them in an email, so they know where they went wrong, but to also give them a chance to reconsider how they’re approaching you, i.e.: ‘I feel like you invalidated my experiences and my feelings, and therefore reduced all of my difficulties and issues around this to something you could sweep aside before telling me things about my own experiences, without ever really hearing me. That’s not fair, it’s inaccurate and it’s not helpful to me. I accept that I might have things to learn about my own behaviour here, but not through you invalidating my upset and hurt, and not through you minimising my real feelings. Because of what you did, these were the consequences (and tell them that you became more self-loathing and so on, that’s not how they’re supposed to leave you feeling after a session!) As a result, I’m not sure / don’t think this is a good fit / will look for another therapist / would be open to suggestions from you as to how to proceed.’ Etc.

That’s a mature way of handling it. (And honestly, even if the therapist doesn’t like getting the email, it is good for them to know why people are leaving early. So they know you’re not just a ‘non-compliant patient’ or whatever the fuck (which you’re not), but someone who has been genuinely distressed by a session that they directly contributed to - like you paid money for that shit! That’s crappy.)

But another mature way, if they really just seem gross, is to fire them and find someone else. You can take a break first, for sure. I always have taken a short break and sort of thought about what I really want too. Like, what do I want? These days it’s ‘to be more functional and to enjoy life more.’

It’s worth calling around and actually screening therapists if you can (depending on how the system works where you are). Screening therapists can be asking things like: what therapy modalities do you prefer? How do you deal with situations where someone is being verbally abused by their sibling? Do you take this seriously? etc. You can definitely pre-screen. I’ve always done this in emails which look like this:

“Dear (whoever they are)

I’m (such and such) from (place) and have been diagnosed with (disorders) due to (one sentence history). I am seeking therapy to help me with (specific things like - learning how to be less anxious, or learning how to be more functional in my life).

Are you taking new clients?

If you are, could you please let me know the following to see if we might be a good fit? 

(Here I ask about modality - CBT is contraindicated in my case so it rules out a lot of therapists automatically, and then I ask about their experience in extensive child abuse trauma and history, as well as medical and chronic illness, and pain and fatigue issues. Here is also where I ask if they offer a sliding scale to people with a low income and no insurance.)

Thanks so much for your time.

(Pia.)”

If they can’t take the time to answer a simple email, either with a call or by replying, then I don’t want to see them anyway, imho. I’m looking to hire them, not the other way around, they can at least communicate some actual credentials to me that mean more than a damn BA degree. But in Australia, therapists will often reply to emails like this. I’m not sure how that is in other places in the world.

Now as to the actual meaty part of like, you going home and feeling fucking awful afterwards. Here’s some stuff you may want to keep in mind in the future:

1. They work for you. And their job is not to make you feel like you are the worst ever. That is no therapist’s job on the planet. Challenging you is not making you decompensate and become non-functional. They fucked up. Sometimes therapy will be challenging and sometimes it will hurt and if you are prone to feeling self-doubt it is going to make you self-doubt. But there is a line between ‘this is stuff that would come up anyway’ and ‘this is something you directly made happen by invalidating my feelings.’ When that happens, it is not a sign that you are the worst ever (you are not even the worst), it is a sign that they made a mistake in their job, like any person who has a job can do.

Unfortunately when therapists make mistakes, they’re making mistakes with people’s psyches, instead of fucking up the icing on a cake, or the level on a brick wall.

But yeah, they are not some authority on high to tell you What is What about Your Life.

The only expert on your life is you. And you invite them into that space to treat you with respect in the process. Invalidating your feelings is not respect. (And I say that even as someone who has disproportionate reactions to things.)

2. Idk what your support situation is like, but it may be worth reaching out to people (or animals) who can make you smile or feel a bit better or get you outside of your head for a bit.

3. Sensory stimulation to also get you outside of your head for a bit. A warm/hot shower or bath. Running your hand over interesting textures like velvet or a nubby couch. Sipping a hot drink that you took the time to make for yourself.

4. Reflecting on what’s actually happening internally like. ‘I feel like they think i’m X and X’ or ‘they must think that I’m just X’ or whatever it is. And then write that down somewhere - both for yourself, and if you decide to share it with them later, so you have clarity on what’s occurring. Sometimes just naming what you’re going through can give you enough knowledge to be like ‘right, I’m afraid that a relative stranger thinks I’m terrible because they know almost nothing about my history and they made an assumption about me.’ - If you take a step back from that, it can help to remember they are a relative stranger who knows almost nothing about you.

*

It’s hard here because I’m not in that session and I don’t know why the therapist said what they said (though trust me, I do believe you that they fucked up - some of them suuuuck), and I know that you go to therapy to be challenged, because if your therapist is just ‘hey fam everything you’re doing and thinking is fine go home you’re just great’ - you’re gonna go home and nothing is going to change. But I think you and I both know that there’s ways of challenging people which don’t suuuuuuck, and that if you have a good trusting bond with your therapist, you can also tell them when they fuck up, and they will actually make steps to repair that with you, so you can be stronger going into the future.

That’s actually one of the best parts of a therapeutic bond, imho, especially as someone coming from an emotionally abusive background - learning how to repair mistakes and realising that you can both do that collaboratively together, and see things get stronger. (Since, in situations of abuse, ruptures can mean no opportunities for genuine forgiveness or growth ever).

But you can’t do it with all therapists. Because some therapists are just shitty at their jobs. Like a bad baker. Or like the dude that makes pizzas but you know he just doesn’t care about pizzas really. Or the doctor who fat-shames instead of doing their fucking job.

I don’t know if I said anything that helped. All I have is some sense of solidarity because I have done the whole bad therapists thing too. My life was helped a lot by realising I was hiring them, and that they work for me. Before that, I always felt like they were some kind of godly authority figure that could see into my inner mind in a way I couldn’t and blah blah blah could Judge Me Like A God (thanks childhood, for featuring an abusive figure who was a cop that fucked up my relationship with authority figures forever). It was really hard for me to understand that no, they’re just like every other damn person you’re gonna hire to work for you: they can be fired if they’re not good at their job or if their vision is totally different to yours.

You’d fire an interior decorator who wanted to fit out your house in something you hated. You definitely have to fire a therapist who wants to fit out your brain in something that makes you hate yourself.

[anchoredheroes]

8. did you have a muse you tried to play, but didn’t feel connected to? // 30. what are your favorite RP tropes to play? (angst, hurt-comfort, etc…) // 36. do you feel similar to your muse in any way? // 39. what’s a song that reminds you of your muse? / 40. what if... our hands touched over the meme...?

8. Did you have a muse you tried to play, but didn't feel connected to?

Yes and no? I haven't actually tried to pick up any canons, I've mostly stuck with ocs but like.... You ever have those ocs that you like conceptually but they just.... Stay as stiff as a cardboard box? All my ocs start out that way and then slowly develop, but sometimes they just.... Don't like me. I think my cadash was one of those. And my qunari. Granted sometimes it's also because my energy is so focused on others, like nova and faolan, but... Yeah that's kind of it.

30. What are your favourite rp tropes to play?

Honestly? There are so many. I think it's obvious I do love romance, so a lot of them lean in that direction. I'm a sucker for things like almost-kiss, the "because I love you!' trope, reciprocal hurt comfort and bandaging of wounds.... Also the concept of slow burn ( but ADHD go brrr so it's never actually a slow burn ) and a sucker for learning to trust. Perceived enemies to lover is also my jam. Honestly, there isn't a lot of tropes I don't like? I'm not big on like. Heavy angst with no comfort, betrayal, love triangles and such but... Idk I'm a softie.

36: do you feel similar to your muse in any way?

I'm gonna do this for Asha because Asha is more developed than ivvie, but there are absolutely some areas where I project myself onto her. For one, Asha cares so much about people. She is an aggressive friend and once she likes you, she will make sure you take care of yourself, fight you if you talk bad about yourself.... She will fight the gods if they try to hurt you. And I know for a fact that I've probably threatened to eat or fight someone on your behalf, as well as on other people's behalf. I love people aggressively.

Also her struggles with her magic are a parallel I've had with my neurodivergencies. Knowing you're different when you're young but being gaslit into believing it's not true, being ignored in favour of a sibling a few years younger than you... Realising as an adult why you always felt different and wondering how nobody saw it, but because your sibling was more obvious than you, they got the support they needed and you slipped through the cracks. It was unintentional, but it's pretty obvious.

Also just... Asha feeling like a fish out of water, and being uncertain of her footing and not knowing how to deal is peak autistic experience and while I don't know if she is 100% autistic and ADHD, because I am it obviously will come across in how I express myself through my writing. It's inevitable. How does one write a neurotypical mind when one doesn't even know what that means?

39: what's a song that reminds you of your muse?

Here's a playlist instead. Sometimes songs don't remind me in words and more in vibes but.... Yes.

Also for iveani,

40: what if... Our hands touched over the meme....?

😳😳😳😳😳 what if....