#idk how to quite articulate it
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Just thinking about it, but it's kinda weird how your dead spouse is kinda just glossed over when it comes to the fo4 romances, besides Preston (iirc)
like my partner just died like 4 days ago but let me just romance this guy I just met, as far as I know, Preston is the only companion to actually address this in his romance. Like its just a weird writing choice to me, not to mention that the spouse gets like 2.5 seconds of screentime and gets only a few mentions during the main quest.
#am i making any sense?#idk how to quite articulate it#like I feel like that should've had a much bigger impact on the romances and sole survivor in general#but it just kinda seems#brushed to the side#“oh no! anyway!”#i feel like the spouse could've been integrated much better#like maybe you could've had a choice of background for fo4 and the spouse is one of those options#and that'd have some special lines of dialogue during the mq and any characters you romance#and then it'd make more sense RPG wise to be able to romance the companions without feeling weird for moving on from your dead spouse#2 seconds after they've died#or maybe have the spouse not die at all#maybe they're just injured and just wake up from cryo much later#and they find out you think they've died and moved on#there could've been like an interesting lil story there#iirc i don't even think sole mentions it outside preston/piper when it comes to romances#ik you can bring it up with knight rhys but not danse??#i should remember i literally just romanced him like 5/6 months ago lmao#also im really tired so im probably not articulating this as best as i could lol
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content warning: blood
Loyal to a fault
bonus + other versions:
Bonus:
Alt:
the words on Ghost's body reads:
LOVE (level of violence)
it takes a monster to destroy a monster (poorly cropped i apologize)
Loyal Dog
Vēnor (Latin verb for hunt, chase)
this is something very different to what I usually do I hope yall don't mind....also this was me when I was sharing this with my friends...because priceghost/ghostprice dynamic really gets a grip on me
#im gonna be honest when I first drew this months ago I didnt intend for it to get this bloody#all i wanted was Price holding a leash to Ghost#there's#so much feelings i have for this ship that i cannot articulate#I have a friend on twt their handle is bearcvck and jesus they have the best priceghost fics/drabbles ever#should check it out if you want >:3 they also do ghoap#idk i have my own thoughts with this piece but no matter how I write it it doesn't quite bring out what im trying to say#so if you want I would love to see your interpretation of this piece!#not the best thing i've made bcuz they're both very stiff in terms of posture#learning curve still to do non-chibi rahhhh but im trying and that's what it matters#tumblr pls dont bonk me i've covered Ghost's tatas with words PLEASE#gummmyart#doodle#priceghost#ghostprice#captain john price#simon ghost riley#price x ghost#ghost x price#john price x simon riley#simon riley x john price#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#cod#cod mw#scheduled
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i like to think goth is a gender in of itself
#goth#gothgoth#gothic#gender#gothgender#i usually just go by nonbinary but gothgender resonates quite a bit tbh#and there is something to be said about the overlap between the trans community and the goth community#and especially with how goth often rejects typical gender norms#idk there's definitely an essay to be written here but im not good at articulating my thoughts#but i dont really get dysphoria from looking more feminine or masculine the way i do if i feel like i look too preppy#and being able to be goth feels like its improved my mental health#idk tho im just someone on the internet throwing words at a wall
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Fascinating to me that Hunter in the owl house not only fills the “child soldier of the villain who switches sides” archetype but if we are going through the tropes of fairy tales that The Owl House likes to play with, is a little bit the princess in the tower??
#the owl house#hunter#hunter toh#idk I have a few thoughts on how the archetype kind of fits on to hunter but can’t quite articulate them properly yet#something something complete lack of agency and complete lack of proper understanding of the outside world as it truly is#but he’s also the created monster with something something having to not only fight for his own personhood#but discover that personhood is possible for him at all something something
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Post-Mor Pankh where Kaalaa Baunaa and Shamane hang out sometimes and something Shamane does just. reminds Kaalaa deeply of Kumar. The siblings haven't met each other in literal decades aside from the latter's final moments, but the fact that they're related is there, mirroring each other in the way Shamane goes cocky or makes tea or some other little idiosyncrasy, and after she notices, Kaalaa Baunaa is hit full speed with missing Kumar.
#kaalaa baunaa#shamane#reverse 1999#certified storm moments#idk quite how to articulate it. but surely kaalaa hasn't quite processed the whole her mentor-close friend killed herself before the time#of the meteor shower. maybe the acceptance is there but surely the grief of losing someone that you're that close with hit her a while late#like she was so desperate for kumar to come back and start over and the relief and elation in her voice when kumar agreed to her but not#knowing that she'll do exactly what she did#i wonder how she deals with it#her seeing some of kumar in her brother at times is. you know that emotional angst i will eat that shit up
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The most meta shit ever is how there could easily be more than 1 alter present at any point in either Mikoto or John's interactions w the cast, but it's written and/or assumed by the audience to be One of them for the simplicity of a narrative, with the ambiguously-existing other assumed to be hiding.
Just like how ppl on the outside looking in, including other systems, see DID systems: Typically one identity by "default," and more specific others only when explicitly stated.
That, oddly, makes me feel a little better. No person, singlet or system, has every part of themselves out to everyone. Since we're split, it's natural to want to be seen as ourselves, but it doesn't make the ones who mask any less "aunthentic," necessarily.
#milgram#mikoto milgram#john milgram#mikoto kayano#mikotoposting#milgram project#john kayano#just blew my own mind w this idk#it’s just been something I've wanted to wrap my mind around for quite awhile#i hope i articulated it well#once again pinnochioP's Fake Meme comes on shuffle whilst writing my existential “how am i perceived” type shit lmao#masking serves a lotta purposes despite us wanting to be more open and I've been confused by how to process that
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2024 reads / storygraph
Those Beyond The Wall
sequel/companion to The Space Between Worlds, set a decade later
character-focused sci-fi set in an area divided in two, the rich protected city on one side and everyone else in the post-apocalyptic desert
follows a woman who works under the Emperor in Ashtown, keeping the peace
when mangled bodies start showing up with seemingly no murderer, she’s tasked with finding the cause, and finds out that it’s the result of corruption spanning both cities and multiple worlds
explores oppression and messy revolution, police violence and apartheid
bi & polyamorous MC
#Those Beyond The Wall#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#space between worlds sequel!!! honestly I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it….. In general I enjoyed it and I think it had#a lot of important things to say but also maybe highlighted some weaknesses(?) in both books?#or - I guess just the fact that the sff stuff (which skews a little more magicy here) is kinda small scope relative to its potential#and more there to serve the plot and characters. Which actually maybe is the point. idk- there's def mixed reviews lol#it has a messy unlikable MC (like actually - when half the weak ass reviews are saying the MC is annoying you know they are Actually a#complex character) and some interesting relationship dynamics#it is pretty solidly a sequel - I wouldnt read this without reading TSBW#cara does show up in here& tbh her characterisation felt quite different to me? unsure how I feel about that? but maybe it's the biased POV#also to be clear: polyam MC; not a polyam romance or anything#(there's - kinda a romance? or various feelings floating around and she 'ends up' with someone. feel like i would have liked that to end#more subtley but that's probably my personal taste lol)#man some of the 1 star reviews of this are kinda.....just racist though. can we get some measured critique in here#as I said i am not entirely sure how I feel about it but not quite in a way I can articulate.... idk! i think it's worth the read tho#it's maybe one of those revolutions that feels solved a little too easily in the end - but then also is it solved or is it just that the#narrative has to end at a certain point
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small
#i just think they’d play together a lot when they were little#ok listen#think they’d be more like big brother little brother at this age#but like#fanon kaito has always been less mature than most characters his age#so when he’s younger i imagine he’d find himself with friends younger than himself as well#and i just#i love when his friends totally accept this and don’t mock him#sosososo much#and i don’t know it means a lot to me as an autistic person who grew up mocked for my childishness#to see this guy with supportive friends and irl fans#idk how to fully articulate my thoughts do you get me#autistic kaito real you guys#also this should go without saying but pls do not tag this as a ship 😭#1) they are quite little here specifically 2) im not comfortable with the ship in general#please please please#krash art#artists on tumblr#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#cryptonloids#kagamine len#kaito#kaito vocaloid#my art#vocaloid kagamine
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wait are you planning on converting to Judaism?? :000
Yup! Set myself a soft deadline to reach out to one of the shuls near me by the end of spring break so I should be talking to a rabbi fairly soon, though it'll be a minute until I can officially officially start. But yes, I'm planning to.
#many many many many many thoughts of course#i might put updates on here maybe not idk#it's very nervewracking to talk about just bc of how personal it all is but i'm not like opposed to discussing it#there's a lot of reasons i could point to but none of the specifics fully explain it really#above all it kinda feels almost inevitable in a way i can't quite articulate#like i know in my bones that this is what i want and my choices are to honor that or stay in liminal space if that makes sense#faggotry enjoyer asks
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his internalised homophobia flavoured cowardice etc etc but genuinely kind of obsessed with the way this is the only glimpse you really get into what yosuke has been mulling over in relation to kanji specifically over the course of like. months at this point.
#like. this in conjunction w the cut romance lines about focusing on the murders to avoid confronting himself...#idk. i just think a lot about the way theres really quite a lot of himself that yosuke doesn't show to other people#even to souji as this conversation demonstrates#and theres this interesting mix in him of self awareness and just. willful blindness at times#and snippets like this show both of those qualities imo#dwelling on something for months and months at this point and yet not being able actually articulate that in front of other people#out of like. what i see as pride and embaressment and every bit of conflict tangled up in what he recognises in kanji#and puts down in him (because recognising that u put people down to try make urself feel better doesnt automatically rid urself of that#behaviour or thought pattern or the anxieties which help underpin it)#like theres a degree of ambiguity as to what yosuke actually SAID sure but tbh what kanji summerises sounds more like a quote than like#how he would reframe something in his own words imo#anyways! forgive the yosukeposting <3#tunes talks persona#persona 4
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hera w359 truly one of the characters of all time. her "mother" literally programmed severely disabling anxiety into her personality to keep her under control.
#their relationship and the abuse.. well i was about to say “allegories” but it is quite literal. is my favorite part of this podcast#also the misgendering. which is more about dehumanization in context but this can be an allegory too#idk how to articulate any of this but i remember some of their interactions in the later episodes making my skin crawl#can't wait to get to them again#m#wolf 359
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outsider pov was severely underutilized in spn like it's actually criminal the more you think abt it
#we get a few outside pov episodes but babes that's like giving a man two drops of water in a desert#you could probably say smth abt the correlation btwn spn's slow separation from gothic horror into a more sanitized version of itself#with their decision not to lean into their own protagonists weirdness and weirdness abt each other#via depicting them as firmly offputting when viewed at through an outside lens#ouroborous thy name is sam and dean winchester#not sure if i articulated this quite how i wanted but yeah#feel like they kinda talk abt it in the later seasons but the tone fluctuates instead of staying consistently disturbing with it#but maybe that's just the gothic horror girlie in me wanting more from a show that at the end of the day still had to air on cw#smth smth post-apocalypse samdean as frankenstein's monster#sam's s8 relationship w amelia paralleled with the creature's desire for a perfect mate in the absence of his actual true partner#aka dean who was stuck in purgatory and adding a new layer to sam's desire for intimacy#amelia as the theoretical perfect wife who's never realized bc the creature's other half returns#does this make sense idk anymore i need to nap#nothing to see here just my sleep-deprived ramblings into the aether#spn#supernatural#sam winchester#dean winchester#samdean#gencest#weirdcest#wincest#spn rewatch
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Screaming crying throwing up what the fuck is a gender
#saw butch lesbian wolverine fanart and it opened a can of worms i was not quite ready to face#I do not have a word any longer for what I am#Am I a boy? not quite#am I a woman? absolutely not#it’s like the more I recover in therapy and the more cohesive my identity becomes#the more merged everyone in the system gets#like slowly pulling everyone closer with thread#and it’s nerve wracking#I fought for so long to be perceived as a man and masculine and I LIKE my masculinity#but#there’s something happening#I don’t know#I’m not detransitioning because that would be undoing stuff that I love#I love how I am! I love my stubble! I love my cracky voice!#I love having arm hair and chest hair!#idk I’m just. hm. many thoughts#anyways Butches I love you very much#and when I see butches sometimes I cry because there’s something I feel and I cannot articulate it
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I hate you prequels that are origin stories for cool concepts. I don't want to know!!!!!
#idk quite how to articulate it but if the original is good then it gave us everything we needed to know about the origins#and i have so much more fun wondering and inferring and picking up clues#than i do getting a real time view of how it happened in canon#teddy talks
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having a post make the tumblr rounds really will teach you all sorts of things about yourself that you never previously understood, lmao
like, okay, the notes on the 'masturbatory' post fall into a few distinct categories—plenty of reblogs without any comment at all, of course; a lot of people saying, somewhat tediously but unexceptionably, that in their view the term should really be a compliment; a lot of other people claiming that it's inappropriate to share art they personally deem unappealing, just as it's inappropriate to share unsolicited dick pics (i take strong exception to this argument but it's very popular!); and finally a few people who admit that sex-negative insults aren't really compatible with the sex-positive stance they otherwise nominally concede is correct, and who choose to resolve the issue by gleefully leaning into the inconsistency—like, there are some tags on that post that are just straight up like, 'i love hypocrisy :)'
and like, the 'unwanted dick pics'/'artists i don't want to see naked' camp drives me fucking batty, for sure, but i can at least respect that they're trying to come up with a unifying principle, even if i personally think what they've come up with is pernicious nonsense ('consent' is an idiotic lens through which to contemplate the problem of 'viewing art,' imo); but the people who just—outright reject the idea that they should have consistent values to which they adhere, and that where they encounter resistance in themselves to these values, they ought to interrogate what's motivating that resistance, and attempt to find a consistent throughline? really, really alienating and—frightening to me, if i'm honest!
#anyway yes a lot of this is what the block button is for and i've been using it#but i do think there's something interesting and also scary abt the psychology of this#like to me it's like. if you aren't willing to behave in accordance with your nominal values—there's something to interrogate there#like we all fall short of our values from time to time—i do it all the time!#we're traumatized or tired or haven't yet interrogated some expression or belief we picked up as children#so like. it's not the inconsistency that surprises and bothers me#it's the like. very *active* refusal to stop and think about it#because to me those moments of inconsistency are like. invitations to hammer out your self and your values a little better#and to find people just. actively crumpling up the invitation and tossing it aside with a sneering laugh?#frightening and alienating to me!#anyway this post is poorly structured because really the conclusion that ties back to the opening is that#i'd never previously articulated to myself that 'having consistent principles—#and working out how to *get* them consistent‚ when i find areas where they aren't yet‚ quite—'#was so deeply important to me but i'm realizing it really is!#like as i said i think we all suck at this sometimes and i get and forgive that in others as i get and forgive it in myself#but i really do need people to *care* about it! like. idk. the shining oriflamme may be ahead us and above us#but like. let's uphold it and not cast it down carelessly and trample it into the dirt under our feet‚ you know?#anyway. luv 2 be ancient and still deeply naive lol
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honestly with watching the Kingdom Hearts III cut scenes all at once I have been doing some skipping around bc ten hours is a LOT
and I am v consistently skipping the Maleficent scenes. girl, you haven't been relevant since the first game, just give up.
#I also skipped almost all of the Frozen world bc damn it was boring af#I really enjoyed the Tangled and Toy Story worlds#and I fucking LOVED Sora's monster form holy shit he was so goofy and adorable#(I did realize that of the main plot worlds the only one based on a cartoon was Olympus#and....that makes me feel a bit weird in a way I can't quite articulate)#(also the worlds based on CGI animation look SO MUCH like the movies they're based on#and it wigs me out just a bit#like Rapunzel looks SO CLOSE to how she is in the movie but they fuck up on the hair a tad#which makes sense bc they had to do serious computer magic to animate her hair in the movie#but anyways the worlds based on cartoon or live action look accurate but not like almost SPOT ON as the CGI ones#and idk it just is strange bc I feel like I'm watching the movie but then there's a small something that makes me realize I'm not#....also there isn't a giant talking duck in Frozen. but maybe there should be.)#oh and the biggest development of watching KH3 cut scenes#......I kinda ship Soriku now?#I don't really ship much of anyone in Kingdom Hearts#(except maybe Isa and Lea)#but I def wasn't a Soriku fan#now....I might be changing my mind#idk some of their interactions are v ''hmm interesting'' to me#speecher speaks#(yes I am putting most of my thoughts in the tags I didn't want to put it all in the post proper#leave me alone IT IS MY BLOG and also I'm kinda sick so be nice to me)
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