#idk how my voice wasn’t gone after that concert

[theworstcreature]

TMM TOUR SPOILERS BELOW

I will NEVER live down the fact that the actual real live ajr brothers sat in MY SECTION like at one point 15ish feet away from me !!!!!!!!

I was going INSANE the whole time like I would give my video but it’s shaky bc I was going feral and you can hear my GOBLIN SCREAMS during certain parts so enjoy this goofy ass screen cap instead of jack skedadeling away from my oh so lovely video<3

My life peaked in that random stadium two states away

[purplecoffee13]

I’ve had this scenario in my head for ages now and yesterday after watching Harry’s performance with Stevie Nicks I couldn’t stop thinking abt it. I was wondering if you could make a one shot or smth abt y/n getting ready to see Harry perform (solo or w some1) and all of her emotions growing considering she was/still is a fan but not like before when she was a teen ykwim? She’s so in awe and loves him so much!! Once the show or wtv it’s over they get back home/ or hotel (you choose) order room service (or delivery) eat and then cuddle till the fall asleep. Idk it’s just so cute and It’s one of my fav scenarios to make me fall asleep 🤍

STAHP this is so cute yes ofc🥹💞 it’s on the short side, but I hope it lives up to your imagination at least a little bit, enjoy! xxx

General Masterlist

Blurb Masterlist

Proud was understatement for the way you felt about Harry performing with his friend Stevie tonight.

His friend, Stevie fucking Nicks.

The fact that he could call her a friend was insane. You knew how much he had looked up to her all his life, and for her to ask him to join her on stage once again was an honor which he couldn’t believe was bestowed upon him.

There was a giddiness that traveled through your entire body as you got ready for Harry’s performance. He had been gone since midday, as his presence was required for sound check. The smile on your face couldn’t have been beaten off with a bat; you were too happy for him.

He had been so nervous this morning, checking whether his keys were in his pocket three times before finally taking off. Last night in bed, after taking up your offer for a massage, he confessed he was afraid he’d mess it up. You assured him that he wouldn’t, but he merely sighed.

“This is different.” He had said. “She asked me, to help her.”

You had temporarily stopped massaging him then, almost tearing up at the worry in his voice. It made sense. She was asking him for a favor, and she’d never really done that before. It wasn’t just a performance, it was a tribute. It was about more than just Stevie, so he wanted to get it right.

And my god, did he get it right.

Your vision was partly blurry during the entirety of his time on stage, and you were glad that you had simultaneously—albeit badly—recorded the performance. Harry was shining of course; he always did when on stage.

It wasn’t the first time you had seen Harry perform. You had been to many shows since you started going out with him, and before that.

A show of his was actually how you two met.

It was years ago, and you were still working as a receptionist at one of New York’s finest hotels, when one night you had to check in someone under quite a peculiar name.

Ricky BlueLetter.

You had chuckled to yourself upon seeing the reservation, wondering who could possibly be so lucky as to have been named after Fleetwood Mac songs. No one, it turned out to be. It was Harry Styles’ alias.

It was hard to contain your heartbeat when Harry stood at your desk, greeting you and handing you his I.D. while he waited for the check-in to be completed. You were trembling a bit, and when he asked you if you were okay, you quickly made up a lie about being cold. To be fair, the air conditioning was always blowing quite harshly.

The following night, you were attending his concert. Your plan was to stay in the back of the pit, but upon realizing the stage went around the pit, you knew that you were going to be close to him anyway. You were far too nervous that he’d see you; it would’ve been too embarrassing considering you pretended not to know him the night before.

Safe to say, Harry did see you. He spotted you as he hopped around the stage, holding your gaze for a couple of seconds before laughing. You swore you could have melted through the floor, especially since you probably had to be confronted with this situation at work. You did have to work the rest of the weekend—it was the only way you would’ve gotten the night off—and Harry was performing both Saturday and Sunday. You wanted to slap yourself in the face for being so nonchalant the night before.

The next morning, you had a shift from 7am to 2pm. Upon going to soundcheck, Harry saw you, and approached you. He was cocky when he asked what you thought of his show, and you rolled your eyes before you could even stop yourself. Harry liked your playfulness, and before his stay officially came to an end, he asked you for your number.

Of course you said yes, the little girl inside of you was screaming and throwing a party. You couldn’t believe that the guy who you used to read about in a magazine as a kid was asking you out in real life. However, you never thought it would’ve lead to a stable, three year long relationship.

That first show, despite how embarrassing you thought it was back then, was the most special and defining event you’d ever been to.

And yet, it felt different this time.

Maybe it had to do with the audience not being there solely for Harry, and him performing songs he had loved so deeply ever since he was a kid, instead ones he wrote. There was a different type of love attached to those songs, and you felt the radiation of it burst through the speakers.

It was simple, yet intricate. The gruff edges of his voice blended perfectly with the soft tone in which he sang, making for an almost impossible cohesiveness that was as complex as the feeling of grief itself. Without necessarily intending to, he had mirrored the harsh reality of loss interwoven with precious memories. It was pure, in a sad way. In a way that had you go through two packs of tissues in the short time that he had accompanied his friend on stage.

It was beautiful— he was beautiful, and perfect.

Your eyes were red, and your make-up was ruined by the time Harry left the stage. The fact that the first thing he did was walk towards you and pull you into an embrace could’ve made you run through seven more packs of tissues. How lucky were you to have a man who could not only write and tell you his feelings, but express them with the sole sound of his voice? You felt blessed.

Afterwards, Harry introduced you to Stevie—which was the second most scary thing you had ever done, because meeting his sister was the first—and you talked for an hour or two. The active reminder in your head that these were normal people with normal feelings who just happened to have a shit ton of money and talent was the only thing that kept you slightly calm, as did the touch of Harry’s hand on you at all times.

Later that night, as you lie in bed with Harry, eating some grapes from the dessert plate you ordered, you are still gushing about every aspect of the night.

“She called me pretty.”

“Well, you are pretty.” Harry says, pulling you further into him. The soft noise of the TV playing some random movie makes the night feel a lot more normal than it actually was.

“And smart!” You giggle, biting your lip at the feeling of Harry’s lips pressing a kiss to your temple.

“You’re very smart, too.” He responds softly. You turn around to face him, and climb onto his lap. Observing his beautiful face, you run a hand through his hair. His eyes shut for a moment at the soothing feeling, before they softly flutter open again.

“I am so proud of you, Harry.” You whisper. The smile on your face feels light and easy, just as easy as it is to love him.

“Thank you baby.” He breathes, the corner of his mouth slowly rising as he looks down. You cup his face, moving his face until it’s directed toward you again, and inch closer to your boyfriend.

“I don’t think you understand. I am so fucking proud of you, Harry. The way you sang on that stage, it— you are the first person who has ever made sorrow look so stunning to me.” You elaborate, needing him to know the significance of what he did today. Not only did he not mess up at all, he went above and beyond the definition of a great performance. “She saw it too, she felt it.”

A breathy laugh escapes Harry’s throat, and he slowly shakes his head, his hands sneaking around your waist. His head dips down as he pulls you closer, and he buries himself into your neck. It stays awfully quiet, but the deep breath that follows from his side tells you enough. That exhale made way for the anxiety and nervousness to leave his body, so that he could be proud of the perfect memory that replaced those feelings. You both stay like that for a few minutes, before you interrupt the self-made silence, and tap him softly on the back of his head.

“Harry…”

He hums from inside your neck, tightening his grip around you to communicate that, in case you were gonna ask him to let go, he doesn’t want to.

“Could I interest you in a grape?” You offer. It had occurred to you that so far, you had been the only one to eat from the plate, and you want to make sure that Harry eats something before he goes to bed. You don’t know how much he ate since he left home early today, because he was too nervous this morning.

Harry pulls his head away from your neck, a lazy smirk on his face as his eyes meet yours. He chuckles at the way you grab the plate and hold it up in front of him with a sweet smile.

“You’re a dork.” He says. You frown at the comment.

“That’s not an answer.” You pout, pushing the plate further towards him. He laughs, grabbing the plate from your hands and putting it next to the two of you where it was before. He plucks two grapes and throws them into his mouth, raising his brows at you as he chews and swallows them.

“Happy?”

You grin. “The happiest.”

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Hi darling!

I love your work so much. I have a visceral need for some y/n x Vessel filth. I don’t even have a prompt, but I was hoping you could work your magic and help me out!

Paint the town white

a/n smut so you know kids back off. And once again ai blacked out writing this. Idk what it is about them that just sends me into another dimension. I hope you will enjoy and that this will help. 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

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He was exhausted. It didn’t take a genius to figure that out. The tour had been long and hard. And Vessel had been even harder on himself. He loved what he did. He breathed what he loved. It was all or nothing. It was perfection or beating yourself up in a bunk bed at two in the morning. Some shows pumped him up with adrenaline. Crowds that charged him. But some concerts drained Vessel to the depths of his bones. He tried to take blows like that on his own. But through years of dating him, the smallest parts of him spoke volumes to you. So after watching him mop for a week, you decided to bring some comfort over to him.

And that’s how you found yourself here in a random hotel room. Well, not random, in your boyfriend’s hotel room. In a city you had never visited before. The sound of a shower running - the only noise in the depths of the night. You slowly picked up around the room. It wasn’t big but your big man managed to make a mess of it in a day he was here. But that only showed you just how deep in his head Vessel was because he hated a messy environment.

“I feel like I ran a marathon”, the squeak of the door was followed by your lover's groggy voice. “With the way you jump around… I would say a half marathon”, you humbled him slightly, throwing a smile over your shoulder to him. A breath hitched in your throat as you turned to him fully though. It never failed to. After so many times of seeing him freshly out of the shower your brain still manages to short-circuit. “Still?”, Vessel mussed, “What?”, you quickly blinked up at him. “You like what you see?”, so it was his confident persona that was out to play tonight. Good, you thought to yourself, that meant that he wasn’t too far gone in the depths of his mind. You dropped the bag you were holding to the side. Slowly making your way towards him. “You missed a spot”, you muttered, reaching out to brush your fingers over his chest, letting your hand dip lower. “Is that so?”, his groggy voice set a shiver down your back. You locked eyes with him, biting your lips as you reached for the towel loosely wrapped around his hips.

“I don’t remember painting anything beneath my waist”, Vess mused, eyes growing darkened by the second. “Maybe you just forgot, but it’s okay”, you cooed, “I will make sure for you”. Your fingers made quick work of the towel, letting it pool at Vessel’s ankles. You reached for him without looking down, keeping eye contact strong as you wrapped your hand around his already hard cock. A deep growl slipped from the back of his throat. And you could tell that he was trying hard to not throw his head back or close his eyes.

“Told you, you missed a spot”, you muttered, glancing between you two at the glistening pre cum now dripping down the very tip. “I’ll get it for you”, sinking to your knees, you blinked up at him. “Darling…”, Vessel grunted out. But you wasted no time, making a show of spitting onto his throbbing erection. “You fucking minx”, he bucked his hips closer to you as your palm once again wrapped around him. “Let me just rub it a couple more times, to make sure it’s clean”, you mused, leaning in to take him into your mouth, the salty taste of him dancing on your tongue. “Ah, shit…”, Vessels fingers threaded through your hair. But since he didn’t make an effort to push your head any further down you reached out, finding his hand in your hair and giving it a firm nudge. That sent his throbbing cock right at the back of your throat, making you gag around him. “Fuck that mouth of yours”, Vessel whined, “So fucking…”,’ one of his hands reached for your neck, rubbing your throat, “Relax your jaw for me”, he ordered, stroking your neck as you stroked him moments ago, “Let me in, love, let me into your warmth”. You took a deep breath through your nose, bracing yourself against his hips. He withdrew slightly, pulling at your hair before shoving back in all the way, making your eyes water as you squirmed. But you let him. He needed this. You knew that. And you were willing to give it to him.

“Clean enough for you now, huuh?”, he grunted as he fucked your mouth. All you could do was blink in confirmation, letting the hum of your approval ripple around his throbbing dick. You could feel the tremor in his thighs slowly building. He was getting close. So you hallowed your cheeks even more. Vessel cursed between moans before pulling you back by your hair. The loud pop was followed by strings of drool as you whined from the lost fullness.

“On the bed”, he grunted. “Vessel”, you whined. “I said get on the bed, don’t test my patience, love”, his palm wrapped around your throat as he pulled you up, mindful of his actions still. Careful to not hurt you but firm enough for you to know he wasn’t messing around. You could feel your wetness pooling between your legs, rubbing against both of your thighs as you hurried to climb onto the plush white sheets.

Vessel watched like a predator assessing his prey. Slowly stroking his hand up and down his shaft. You quickly pulled your dress over your head, before spreading your legs out for him. Motioning with your finger for him to get closer. “Knees to your chest”, he ordered, “Dip your fingers through your fold, love”. You didn’t have to be told twice as you followed his orders. Bitting your lip as the ache between your legs only increased at the feeling of your fingers slowly spreading the arousal. You lifted your hand back up, rubbing your fingers together as you let your juices glisten in the dim room. Vessel grunted, capturing your wrist in his hand. His nostrils flared as he flexed his jaw. Slowly composing himself before leaning in to lick your fingers clean. The whimper that slipped past your lips was pathetically desperate as you watched him.

“Needy much?”, he mussed, looking into your dazed eyes. “For you?”, you mused, “Always”. Vessel hummed, crawling on top of you, kissing his way up your stomach, letting his tongue brush the swell of your breast before taking the aching peaks between his teeth. Your moans followed his path. You didn’t care how needy it made you. He was making you feel good and you weren’t gonna hide it. “Moan my name as I thrust inside”, he muttered against your ear, slowly rubbing his tip over your folds. “Fu… Ves…”, you threw your head back, nails sinking into his back as he nudged his way into you, stretching you out to your limits as he went. His lips found your shoulder as he nibbled and bit at your skin. “So good, love”, he praised, withdrawing his hips, “Relax”, nudging your legs up, he pushed them closer to your chest, “Let me into your warm heaven”, “Vessel”, you cried out as he thrust his hips harshly into you. “Let me paint those walls white”, he leaned in bitting at your lips, thrusting into you with the strength that made you see stars. You were convinced that you were screaming his name. Beginning even. But all you could hear was the headboard hitting the wall. And the way both of you sounded as he thrusted over and over again. His movements grew sloppier the closer he got to his high.

“I’m… so…”, you cried between thrusts, aimlessly reaching to brace yourself at any part of him. “Give it to me”, he mussed, “Clench around me and cum”, and just as if your body was in full control of him. Within a couple of thrusts, the string snapped. Making you rack your nails down his arms as you arched up from the mattress. Crying as the blissful warmth of him spread through your body. Vessel bit at your neck as ropes of his release painted you from within. Clearing the musky funk he had been in. It felt as if he could breathe in. As if his lungs finally gave way to more oxygen. But all he wanted to breathe in was you.

Lazily still thrusting into you, chasing his last highs, Vessel brushed his nose against your cheek before kissing away the slowly drying tears. “Thank you”, he whispered as you slowly turned to him. “For?”, you blinked at him. “Being here”, mindful of his weight he let his body drape over you, his warmth seeping into your skin. “I thought you were thanking me for making sure you had no paint on your skin”, a lazy smirk spread on your face as he snorted, “Especially for that”, he nodded, brushing his thumb over your chin, tilting your head up, “Even more so for knowing how to pull me back up”. You wrapped an arm around him, guiding his head to your chest, “Don’t be so cute moments after treating me like a slut”, you huffed, “You’ll give me whiplash”, you huffed, as you both chuckled. “My slut though”, Vessel pointed out, fingers gripping your hips for emphasis. “All yours, Vessy, always yours”.

[elliespillowprincess]

SHES MY DRUG

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pt 1

pt 2

pt 3

a/n: this is my first ever (kinda) fic so it kinda sucks and is all over the place.. also this one will be a bit longer than the others! i hope to just make this an ongoing series with no real end? idk yet!!! it’s kinda all over the place

c/w: TIME SKIP??, modern au, reader is in med school, biker!ellie!!, rich!ellie… kinda toxic!ellie? angst, addiction, substance abuse, joel’s death makes an appearance, fluff, fem reader, plus size reader, insecure reader, race of reader not specified, smut, strap-on usage (r!receiving), cum eating, spit?, tribbing, fingering (r!receiving), breeding kink, TERRIBLY WRITTEN, not proofread

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT SUPPORT NEIL DRUCKMANN

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ELLIE WILLIAMS

her name is everywhere now. after leaving your town, her music had blown up more than ever before. 2 years had gone by since the two of you shared your last kiss, and for the first few months the two of you texted constantly.

ellie🤭: how’s my pretty girl?

ellie🤭: hoping to come back soon

tours been getting crazy

ellie🤭:

missing you

it felt like a dream, texting one of the worlds biggest rockstars while she was on tour, her sending photos of her adventures. but all dreams end in you waking up.

you: hey wyd?

you: hoping you’re coming back soon

you: hey ellie?

we haven’t talked in a bit

i miss you.

the dream ended. just like that, you were just another girl. after waiting for replies, you decided to move on. this fantasy wasn’t real, the dream was over. ellie was now famous for hooking up with her fans, videos popping up constantly of her leading them out of her concert and onto her bike, just like she did to you.

you were just another girl.

you graduated university as the top scholar in your small town, liliana just behind you. both of you applied to a med school in new york, both getting accepted. your best friend kept telling you you’ll forget her, but how could you? she was everywhere.

eventually, there were some days you could go by without thinking of her. you decided to quit drinking and smoking, and focus on schooling. you got your pleasure elsewhere; hooking up with whatever girl swiped right on you on tinder that day. they always looked a little like her. if they didn’t have that auburn hair, they had tattoos, if they didn’t have tattoos, they were a musician, etc.

“hey, y/n?” you hear a familiar voice say. “wanna go out tonight? i feel like we haven’t gotten to hangout in ages. you don’t have to drink or anything, promise!” liliana practically begs you. it was true, the two of you hardly had any time outside of schooling to hangout, so hesitantly, you agree. she tells you all about this new club that opened, how its invite only so there won’t be too many people, and how there’s surprise private performers. she got the invite from her boyfriend, and was allowed to bring one extra person: you. you decide to use the rest of your day off prior to your later plans to take an everything shower, shaving and exfoliating your whole body. when you get out, you go to your closet to pick out something to wear, still in your towel. your new wardrobe consisted of mainly business casual clothes and scrubs for lab days, so you push them away and dig through the back of your closet. you go through the pile of clothing, until you hit something hard. you grab it, pulling it into the light. when you realize what it was, you feel lightheaded.

it’s her helmet.

tossing it to the back with a pit in your stomach, you grab three random items of clothing, shutting the door. it was exactly what you wore when you first met her: a lacy cami, short black skirt, and a leather jacket. you threw the outfit on, hoping to cover up the old memories with new ones. after you touched up your makeup, you, andrew, and liliana started pregaming. you didn’t want to overdo it, but you also wanted a small buzz for this intimidating of a club. your plan was to leave around 9, it was 8:47. “i’m actually excited, i haven’t been this excited for an event in a while!” you say to the group, feeling a buzz. the three of you are laughing and talking until you get a notification, indicating the uber was there. driving to the club, the driver put on the radio. of course, it had to be her.

the loud music and sweaty atmosphere of the club made you feel dizzy. the only thing keeping you from running away was a tall girl eyeing you across the room. she had short, dark hair, freckles, and a sour face as she looked at you like prey: your type. after a while, you notice she comes up to you, asking if you want anything to drink. agreeing, you thank her and start talking. “where y’from angel?” she asks. “nowhere near here, i used to live in a small town, goldwhit grove?” she looks at you like you’re crazy, rolling her eyes. “never heard of it. hey wanna get outta here?” you look over to your friends, liliana dancing against andrew, and remember how mad she was last time you ran off with a girl without telling her. “i don’t know i’m here with my frie-“ your sentence was interrupted but the screams of the drunken club goers around you as they all flock to the front. looking over to the stage, you see who they’re going crazy over. and of course,

it’s her.

she was everywhere, it was like you couldn’t escape and forget her no matter how hard you tried. she’s stumbling all over the stage, and slurring her words. bras were being thrown at her, and she just had this stupid look on her face. like she was loving it. she was looking around the crowd, for what you assumed to be a girl to take back to her hotel, she made eye contact with you. it felt like the whole room went quiet, even though it was far from it. you wanted to scream, call her an ass, throw drinks at her. but found another solution. turning to the girl next to you, you began rubbing against her, feeling her biceps as she wrapped her arms around you, kissing your neck. you did all of this while making eye contact with her.

“i.. i um… sorry guys.. can’t-can’t perform t’night.” she says, rushing offstage. this makes you smile, knowing you got under her skin. you continued to dance against the stranger to whatever shitty music the club put on between performers. then, it felt like the world went back into focus, your phone buzzing in your hand waking you up. “hey hold on, gotta take this.” you say, lightly pushing the girl off of you and pulling out your phone.

???: what the fuck is wrong with you

who is that???

answer me y/n i’m not fucking around

the unfamiliar messages creeped you out, so you simply blocked the number and went back to the girl, making small conversation. then, another one.

???: don’t block me

can we talk??

come to the bathrooms

rolling your eyes, you type a response.

you: idk who you are but leave me alone

it’s weird

are u stalking me??

another.

???: please

abiding by this stranger could put you in a life or death situation, but all of the adrenaline from seeing ellie and the alcohol made you lose your senses. “hey, i’ll be right back. gotta use the bathroom.” you tell the stranger, making your way through the crowds into the shitty club bathrooms. as you approach it, it seems oddly quiet for a club bathroom. you walk in, and instantly feel a hand grab your wrist, pulling you in and locking the door. “hey what the fu-“

then you see who it is.

confusion turns to shock, shock turns to anger.

“what the fuck ellie? you really think you can just ditch me for 2 fucking years and just be like ‘surprise! i’m back!’” you yell at her, pushing her away. “i’m not playing your fucking games, i feel dumb for even thinking we had something! had me waiting months for you to reply just for you to get with any groupie you come across?” she’s not saying anything, and it only makes your blood boil even more. “are you just gonna fucking sit there? i’m trying to have a good night! i caught fucking feelings for you, you made me feel like i was worth actually fucking loving, and you just threw it all away!” she just sits there, letting you yell. “fucking say something!” your voice becoming weaker, trying not to cry. looking into her eyes, you can tell she’s on something. they’re red and blown out, she reeks of alcohol and weed.

“you’re wearing the outfit.” she says flatly, looking at your outfit. you laugh, actually laugh at her. the fact you just spilt your heart out and all she can do it’s compliment your physical traits. “oh.. oh my god. you- you got problems ellie.” you say with a huff, pushing her away and heading for the door. “i’m leaving, and i’m gonna go back to a girl that maybe actually gives two fucks about me, unlike you.” reaching for the handle, you feel her grab your waist and pull you to her back. “please, don’t go.” you sigh against her, starting to tear up. “let-lemme go ellie..” you barely try to fight her grip. she doesn’t do anything, just breathes you in. “don’t… don’t go, please.” she says softy against your neck, her voice cracking. it feels like you’re melting.

turning around, you look directly at her. “i want an explanation.” you say, wiping tears from your eyes. “you told me you’d come back, you told me you missed me. where did that all go?” you look at her with doe, tear-filled eyes. she just wraps her hands around your face and admires you. “it.. didn’t go anywhere. jus’ a lot happened okay? i just need you to believe me.” your faces are mere inches away, and she’s staring at you with pleading eyes. “how can i believe you ellie? you’re not even sober.” she just wraps her arms around your neck, pulling you in and hugging you.

then you start to hear crying- no, sobbing. she sobs into your shoulder, trying to speak but unable to get words out. she casts her spell on you once again, drawing you in and making you hug her back. “just… just tell me what happened okay?” she’s barely breathing, and you rub her back in an attempt to calm her down. “he- he died!! he fucking died!” she says between cries. “who? who died ellie?” you say softy into her ear. “joel! he- he took care of me i- i- was so mean to him!” she cries against you. “hey, hey it’s okay ellie, just breathe.” after a few minutes of her crying, she starts to breathe slower, eventually pulling back and wiping your face. “can.. can we go somewhere else please?”

it was like déjà vu, being back on ellie’s bike. you had her other helmet at your apartment, so she gave you hers instead. you were honestly scared, she looked intoxicated, but she assured you she was fine to drive. speeding through the streets of new york, you arrive at ellie’s penthouse, of course. the walk into the building in the ride up the elevator is quiet, the only noise coming from ellie sniffling.

unlocking the door on the top floor, she lets you in. the place was trash. liquor bottles, pill bottles, baggies with unknown substances, different girls clothes. you were a little disgusted, but ellie ushered you to her room, which was much cleaner in contrast. you hesitate to sit down, thinking about how many girls fucked her on that bed. “no girls have been in my bed, promise.” you hear her voice say, sitting down.

the two of you just sit there, waiting for the other to speak. she finally gets the nerves to, and starts off. “i just wanna say i’m sorry, y/n. you didn’t deserve any of this.” she looks over at you with hooded eyes and continues. “when he… died, i didn’t know what to do- it was when i was in london.” that was around the time she stopped texting. “i just.. turned to a lot of stuff for comfort. i didn’t know what to do- i know it’s not an excuse..” she stares at you, waiting for a response. “thought about you every fucking day. honestly.” your heart starts to melt. “i don’t expect you to forgive me, but let me make it up to you okay?” you nod silently. this doesn’t feel real. “please say something..” she begs. your eyes meet hers and you just word dump everything that’s been clouding your mind for the past two years.

“look, ellie, i understand where you’re coming from. i just.. i need you to know how much it hurt me, seeing you get with all those other girls, it made me feel ugly. inside and out.” her gaze softens and she unexpectedly pulls you in for a hug. “fuck. i’m so fucking sorry, y/n. you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever fucking seen.” she says, her head buried into your shoulder. “everytime i was with any of those girls, i thought about you. anytime i was anywhere doing anything, i thought about you.” her words contrast her actions, but her soft words and tears make you start to believe her.

you hug her back, the two of you laying down in her bed. it all feels so wrong, but so right, she was like an addiction; she was horrible for you but you just kept going back. she softly rubbed your hair, causing your eyes to feel heavier and heavier until you fall asleep in her arms.

fuck.

you wake up, and the first thing you see is ellie. she’s awake already. she smiles at you, a genuine smile. you on the other hand, look horrified. “goodmorning.” she says, pushing your hair out of your face. “how’d you sleep?” you’re lost for words at this point. you start to remember why you don’t drink anymore. “i.. um.. i gotta use the bathroom.” you mutter before getting up, grabbing your phone from her bedside table, and locking yourself in the bathroom. you open your phone.

lili🦄: wya?

you slipped off again

where’d u go?

hello?

dude don’t do this again

ur freaking me out.

is that u that i just saw leave?

i’m following u

who is that?

where are you going??

dude answer hello??

you reply with a spew of apologies, telling her you’re safe and you’ll be home soon. “y/n?” you hear ellie shout from another room. “i made breakfast!” what the fuck? it was like she was a different person, like nothing that happened in the past actually happened and the two of you were a happy couple. you unlock the bathroom door, creeping into the living room. your jaw dropped, it was spotless.

“wow! you uh.. really cleaned up the space?” she smiles at you, plating what looks like eggs, bacon, and toast. “couldn’t sleep. i know you usually wake up early so i slipped out of bed last night and made it back before you woke up.” she waves you over to the table. “come, eat.” you tiptoe to the table, still in your clothes from the club the night prior. sitting down, ellie sets your plate down, along with some water before sitting herself down across from her. it’s quiet, uncomfortable. she decides to break the silence before you start eating. “i’m done with the pills, y/n.” she says bluntly. it kind of takes you by surprise, not the fact that she’s doing it, but the fact she announced it so bluntly. “gonna better myself. better myself for you, us.” she says. her words almost feel like knives to your heart, why was she changing all of this now? “i know it’s late, but i want to be better.” you put a piece of bacon in your mouth, swallowing before speaking. “i’m glad, ellie.” you say softly. the meal remains quiet, but its shifts from an uncomfortable to a comfortable silence.

“hey, i have to go home, can you text me please? for real this time.” you say half heartedly. she puts your dishes away in the sink, nodding. “i’ll take you home, don’t want you in those ubers, they’re not safe.”

the next few months consisted of you texting ellie, again. but this time, she came back very often. as soon as a show ended, she’d be on the next flight to new york to see you.

ellie🧸: boarding the plane rn

can’t wait to see u :)

both of your schedules were tight, but you still worked in time to see each other. ellie often cancelled entire shows just to see you, losing all that money. but she didn’t care, she just wanted you to be happy.

you: i miss youuuu

when r u coming back?

ellie🧸:

rn tbh

it felt like a dream once again, but this time, you had a feeling she wasn’t gonna let go. you hoped she wouldn’t. the two of you hung out constantly, going to her shows and being in the first row, her singing directly to you. going on walks at times square, ellie wearing a mask to hide her face of course. and sleepovers at each others apartments. liliana kept telling you to be careful, to not get hurt again.

not only were you guys talking again, but she was making it very apparent to her fans. saying things like “this one’s for my girl, she’s watching at home. see you soon, sweetheart” before playing love songs. even though you guys weren’t official- you haven’t even kissed since your last one almost 3 years ago- she sure acted like it. she was almost always sober, only ever smoking weed or having small amounts of alcohol before performing to lighten her nerves: never with you.

you were going over your neuro notes in your room, when ellie calls you, and you pick up.

you: “hey! what’s up?”

ellie: “i just got off the plane, gonna pick you up in 30 kay? wear something nice pretty girl, we’re going out.”

you: “what? where?”

ellie: “just be ready, kay? mwah i gotta go!”

the call ends and you laugh at how dumb ellie was, making kissing sounds. you quickly get up to find something to wear and throw on some makeup. you didn’t know how fancy you had to be, so you stuck with a tight black dress, black heels, and the necklace made out of pure gold ellie bought for you a couple weeks ago.

ellie🧸: come outside

her text makes your heart skip a beat, and you go out to see ellie standing next to a car. from your knowledge, she didn’t own any cars; just bikes. she was wearing a fucking suit: white button up that she of course didn’t button up all the way, black pants and jacket, and her dumb converse that completely contrasted the outfit. she smiled when she saw you. “ellie? what’s this?” you laugh, going up to hug her and smell her cologne. “y’like it? had it delivered earlier today before i got home for tonight!” she says with a coy smile. you let out a breathy laugh at the fact she can just buy such an expensive car for no good reason.

“it’s gorgeous, ellie.” you smile at her and she pushes herself off the car, turning around to open the passenger side. crawling in, you admire the inside. it was all black, with silver accents and a large carplay module. the passenger side had some photos of the two of you, and your name was engraved into the dashboard. it looked engraved by the fucking manufacturers.

she shuts your door, walking to the drivers seat, plopping inside. “whatcha think? paid a pretty penny for them to customize that.” she looks at you nervously, hoping you’ll like it. “oh ellie, you didn’t have to do this! you’re so sweet.” she smiles. “i’m glad you like it, babe.” she presses the button to turn the car on, and it unleashes a loud roar. as if she couldn’t get any hotter, the car was a manual, and she knew very well how to use one. the two of you leave the parking lot of your apartment complex, speeding through the buildings. you can help but stare at her, as you never got to see her face when she was on her motorcycle. she was focused; shifting gears strategically without stalling. you just stare at her face, her slightly unbuttoned shirt, her hands: your face becomes warm. “something wrong?” her voice snaps you out of it, noticing you’re staring.

“oh um- i’m fine! sorry..” you laugh quietly. “it’s okay to stare y’know? i stare at you all the time.” she says simply. god, she says everything with no fear. “where are we going?” you ask, curiously. “uhh i think it’s called masa’s sushi bar? heard it was really nice.” your eyes widen and your jaw drops. “WHAT??” you ask her, dumbfounded. “ellie that’s like $600 a person!! i can’t afford that right now i-“ “i got it, don’t worry ‘bout it kay?” she interrupts you. “ellie i don’t need to be taken out to nice places- id love to just sit in one of our apartments and watch cartoons.” you start feeling bad.

“you deserve it, let me take you out okay?” you put your head down, feeling terribly guilty. “hey, don’t feel bad okay? this is what i want to spend my money on.”

the two of you arrive at the restaurant, and before you can open your door, ellie screams “WAIT!” before jumping out her side and running to your door, opening it for you with a smile, reaching her hand out. you can’t help but laugh. “you’re such a nerd, ellie!”

the dinner consisted of the two of you laughing at each other, almost getting kicked out a few times for your loud behavior. “ellie! be quiet! that guy has come over a million times to tell you to be quiet!” you say in a loud whisper. when the check comes, you see the total and feel like vomiting. “$2,457?? ellie you’re crazy! i feel so bad let me give you someth-“ you try to pull your empty wallet out but she stops you, “i got it, don’t worry okay?” she tips the workers a large amount and gets up to grab your purse, and walk you out. walking to the car, she opens your door, handing you your purse before getting in herself.

“i have one more surprise, we’re going back to mine tonight.” she says while starting the car. “another? seriously ellie i dont want you spendi-“ “nuh uh, don’t wanna hear it. you deserve this okay?”

the ride home was fast, and filled with tension. you were nervous for what else ellie had in store for you. arriving at her penthouse, she lets you out and leads you to the elevator. you’re shifting nervously on your feet, and she notices. “what’s wrong?” she asks you, stepping a little closer. “i’m nervoussss! what is the surprise?” “gotta wait, sweetheart.”

arriving at her door, she opens it and holy shit. it was covered in flowers, slow music playing in the background. you followed the trail of flowers to the dining room table: the place the two of you spent countless meals together just basking in eachother presence. on the table, was a small white box. you lift it up, having no clue what could be inside. “open it, princess.” she says with a goofy, excited smile. you open the box, and oh my god. it was a gorgeous golden necklace, with an “E” attached to the chain. it wasn’t obnoxious, it was beautiful.

“ellie! what is this?! it’s so pretty!” you smile at her, hugging her. “do- do you like it?” “like it?? ellie i love it!!” you say into her shoulder. the two of you hug for a moment before she pulls you back, pulling a necklace out with your initial on it from under her shirt. everything feels electric, fuzzy, and warm. “let me help you put it on.” she says, gently grabbing the necklace out of the box. you turn around, lifting your hair, allowing her to clip the necklace around your neck. you turn around to look at her, and she adjusts it so it sits centered on your neck.

“you’re so pretty.” she just stares at you for a moment, admiring your features. she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, opening them again before asking,

“can i be your girl?”

it felt like you were floating. her cologne was filling your nose, her eyes searching for an answer in yours.

“i know it’s a lot to ask- i just- i really like you y/n and-“

she’s cut off by you pressing your lips against hers, wrapping your hands in her hair. her eyes stayed open for a moment before the closed, kissing you deeper. she wrapped her arms around your waist, wanting to feel you closer. the two of you stayed there for a moment before you pulled away with tears brimming your eyes.

“yes, yes i’ll be your girl ellie!” you say, laughing deeply and throwing your head back as she places playful kisses along your jaw. “fuck yes, yes!!” she says, laughing with you. the two of you just stand in the dining room for a bit, gently kissing one another before you pull back, leading her to the bedroom.

you grab the collar of her shirt, pulling her ontop of you, kissing her deeply. the two of you spend about 15 minutes just enamored with one another’s mouth, when she notices you squirming, pulling back. “what’s wrong baby?” she asks, innocently. “s’hot ellie..” you say, mascara running and your cherry lipstick smudged. she smiles, dipping down to suck on your neck, leaving dark marks, running her tongue over them to soothe the pain. her lips travel down, meeting the top of your dress. “can i take this off for you?” you nod immediately. “gotta tell me with your words, princess.” you whimper at her request, obliging. “yes.. yes you can take it off els.”

“good girl.” she gently removes your dress, followed with your bra and underwear, leaving you naked under her. “so pretty, my gorgeous girl.” she coos. she begins kissing down your collarbone, and to your chest. she looks up at you as she practically makes out with your boobs, giving equal attention to both of them. she lifts her head, looking at you with lust filled eyes as she steps off the bed to undress, completely naked. you’re practically drooling, looking at her toned abs, perky tits, and the freckles that litter her body. she goes back up to kiss you, before asking, “are you still sure? “fuck- yes fuck els- just… please”

“okay, baby.”

the speaker in the living room begins playing Let the Light in by Lana Del Rey. she lifts your leg, allowing it to limply lay over her shoulder as she slowly lowers her cunt over yours. the sudden contact causes both of you to let out a breathy moan before she begins grinding against you. “so pretty, my pretty baby..” you can barely respond, the feeling of her cunt directly on yours making you dizzy. it feels so intimate, but so right.

“never.. never leaving your side again you understand?” she says between grunts. “you and me- fuck- forever baby.” she’s grabbing at you: your tits, your hips, kissing your face. the air in your lungs feels like it’s being sucked out. “els… please i- more..” you beg. her pace speeds up, her eyes locked on yours. “gonna… gonna take care of my girl ‘kay?” you feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. “els… m’gonna cum!!” you moan, grabbing at her arms. “me too- fuck- cum with me baby cmon give it to me.”

and that’s all it takes.

your orgasm rips through you, making your vision blur as hers follows right after, riding both of yours out. the room is filled with moans, squelching, and grunts as you both come down from your high. she collapses beside you, kissing you softly and cuddling you. she pulls away for a minute to just admire you. “y/n i.. i love you.” she says, smiling nervously. you can’t help but giggle as you pull her in closer, saying,

“i love you ellie williams.”

1 year later

you were getting ready for ellie’s private concert, wearing the same outfit you wore when she asked to be yours. it was your anniversary, and she was gonna take you out to a nice dinner followed by a surprise after the show was over. “baby? you ready?” you hear your girlfriend say, walking over to her to show her your outfit. “oh my goddd” she gawks over you. “look at my princess.” she says, grabbing your ass as she pulls you in for a messy kiss.

you two were late for her concert.

your heart was so full watching your girlfriend perform onstage. you were right up front, catching each others eye constantly. the sound of squealing girls around you threatened to drown out ellie’s singing. you look around, growing insecure at all the girls throwing themselves at ellie. she was smiling, enjoying the crowd and attention. girls were flashing her, holding up provocative signs. normally it didn’t get to you, but tonight it did.

finishing the concert, ellie’s bodyguards escort you to join her backstage. ellie notices your mood, and asks what’s wrong. “nothing ellie, jus wanna go home.” you reply blankly. “okay.. okay let’s go home yeah?”

arriving at her house, you walk to her bedroom, plopping yourself on her bed. she follows close behind after setting down her bag. “what’s on your mind, you seem sad?” she asks innocently. “the fact all those girls throw themselves at you! i mean, i don’t usually get so insecure, i know you love me jus…” you choke on your tears. “they’re so pretty, els. scared you’re gonna leave me for one of them y’know? i know im not the prettiest, i don’t have the best body-“ ellie cuts you off, jointing you on her bed. “hey, hey. don’t say that okay? you know i only have eyes for you.” she says softly, kissing your forehead. “you’re the most beautiful girl in this world, love. your body is beautiful.” she kisses all over your face, making you giggle.

it was like all your insecurities flew out the window. the two of you were laying on her bed, kissing each other softly. “m’sorry i ruined your surprise.” you say sadly. “hey, you didn’t ruin anything okay?” she reassures you. “what was the surprise?” her face turns a light shade of pink, stuttering. “we don’t have to- it’s was just if-“ you become more interested in what it was. “cmonnnnn just tell meee!” you say, the curiosity killing you. “are you sure? it’s not- if you’re not in the mood-“ “tell me ellie!” she sighs, grabbing your hand gently and placing it over her crotch. your eyes widen and you instantly feel wetness pool to your cunt.

she bought a strap on.

“we don’t have to, sweet thing. we can ju-“ her sentence is interrupted by you kissing her deeply, spit mixing with one another’s. she sat up so you could sit in her lap, her palming the fat of your ass. the two of you already removed all of your clothing besides underwear, the skin to skin contact making you dizzy. the make out session turned sloppier as minutes went by, and you became needier: grinding against her thigh. she noticed, and inquired you about it. “what’s wrong baby? needy for me?” you nod, almost forgetting ellie always wants you to use your words. “want.. want your cock, ellie.” you say, whimpering in her mouth.

“lay on your back, lemme do all the work.”

she helps you pull your underwear down your legs, followed by her boxers just after: causing the strap on to bounce out and fuck was it big. probably 7 inches, extremely thick and a dark shade of purple. you practically drool at the sight of your naked girlfriend in front of you, all strapped up. “gotta make sure you’re ready first, okay baby?” she tells you, gently pushing her fingers into your wet hole. “your so fuckn’ wet, baby. i do this?” you nod aggressively, making her add a second finger. “cmon, mama, gotta tell me with your words, how else will i know?” you loved when she was demanding, it usually only happened when she becomes really possessive.

“yes ellie- fuck! yes it you that made- made me this wet!” you say between moans. after a few minutes, she pulls her fingers out. “suck.” she demands. you oblige, taking her long digits in your mouth and sucking every last drop off. “y’ready? i’m gonna go slow okay?” she says whilst gently pushing the tip in. she goes slow, waiting for you to ask for more before she goes deeper. once she’s all the way in, she’s drooling at the sight of you swallowing the silicone. “can feel you squeezing my cock, baby. fuckkk look at her.” she presses your thighs to your stomach, ensuring she can get as deep as possible. then, it’s like the world is on fire.

she starts pounding into you animalisticlly, watching the ring of white forming at the base of her fake cock. she leans down to suck on your tits, sloppily making out with them as you scratch her back up with your long nails. this time, it isn’t slow or gentle. it’s hot and fast. needy. most of the time, she coos you through your orgasm, going slow and gentle. times like this, however, it’s like she has her mind set on one thing: making you finish. her words become more vulgar.

“fuckkkk look at that pretty pussy baby, she’s just taking all of me huh?”

“all. fucking. mine.” between thrusts.

“can see it poking through your stomach, sweetheart.”

“gonna fill you up, mama. carry my kids?”

the last line makes you moan loudly, as you didn’t know it was something you liked. she smiles, continuing her pace, out of breath. “yeah baby? you like that? want me to fill you to the fuuuuckin brim? dirty girl.” she makes out with you sloppily, drool dripping down your faces. “ellie.. ellie fuck i’m gonna cum!!”

little did you know: she was too.

the base of the strap had been rubbing perfectly against her clit, her pace speeding to make the two of you finish.

“fucking cum all over me- fuck- cream my fucking cock baby. fuckkk”

the two of you scream out, as your orgasms rip through at the same time. all you can hear is ellie saying “iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou!!” as you come undone, her fucking you through every last bit of your orgasm. she collapses next to you, pulling out. you whimper at the feeling of emptiness. “i love you so much.” she says, wrapping her hand around your waist basking in the skin to skin contact. “i love you, els.” she kisses you softly, rubbing your plump hips.

“i love you most sweetheart, happy anniversary.”

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

Tour without You

Summary: fans saw the video of cal singing ghost of you and people think you two broke up.

a/n: SO YALL KNOW WHICH VIDEO I'M TALKING ABOUT RIGHT? Idk if he was actually crying, but a part of me tells me he was, but idk who knows, but i hope he was okay and is doing okay now.

You were currently home watching duke at yours and cal’s place. You couldn't go on tour with cal because of work, so being alone was a norm you had grown into. Whenever you didn't go on tour you and cal would spend time calling one another whenever a show was over, so he could see you and if you needed to comfort him for anything. He hated when he had to leave you alone, but you would reassure him you had someone that was a part of him. Duke would usually stay with the dog sitter, but when you stayed back home you watched duke. You two would have some quality time together as usual so the small pup can use his energy throughout the day.

For Cal though today, just wasn't his day. Their bus tour had taken a re-route, they got to the venue late, he couldn't focus during rehearsal since it was cut short, from them arriving late. Usually when stress came he was able to handle it well, but you usually were there to comfort him right there and then, which also added to his stress as well, not being able to be with you in moments like these. Fans in the audience and online had seen his expression and worried for him, especially when singing Ghost of you. He hated that his stress would reflect how he acts during shows, but today was really bad for him. Cal doesn't really notice when fans are recording, but a video had gone viral during the concert within minutes and fans skepulating about you and cal. You had no idea of this hence you not being near your phone all day and having a nice day out with duke. Your phone had been blasting all night and once you got home with duke you checked it once seeing all the notifications on all of your socials.You were slightly confused as to why there were so many so you checked it out.

@5SOSUPDATES: is it possible cal and y/n broke up? Could be because they haven been posting with one another. Also today’s performance he seemed sad, especially during Ghost of you.

“What the hell?” you said as the puppy barked at you as you continued to look for something that gave you some sort of idea that was going on. Then MTV also made a topic off of it.

SPECULATING BREAK UP RUMOURS: POPSTAR CALUM HOOD AND GIRLFRIEND Y/N L/N POSSIBLY BROKE UP BEFORE A SHOW DURING TOUR

You were quick to find the resources they were using to claim these speculations and there was a video of cal singing ghost of you, at first it was all good, he was singing good, you saw no sad emotions, but when it got to him harmonizing, with the ghost of you, that's when his expression changed. At first you thought that it was just the way he was singing. But you looked over and yeah you were convinced he was crying.

You tried to first go over anything you might have said to make him upset, but there was nothing, you texted when you could and he seemed fine the night before, so you didn't know what was wrong. Unless he lied to you, which he would do when he was away from you. He didn't want to bother you, but you always told him to talk to you when he was feeling down and not himself. You were always going to be there to talk to him always. Just then you got a call from mali, you were quick to answer as she probably has seen these as well.

“Mali, hey.” you said as she spoke, “hey super weried, but have you been on your socials and possibly MTV?” she asked as you sighed, “yes i have.” you said as she contuned, “okay, is it ture?? Did you two break up? Omg did cal do something because i swear-” she said as you giggled and cut her off, “no we didn't, well at least i think so, but uh, no i called him before this show and he seemed fine, but you know how he is, he doesn't tell the full truth until you get it out of him.” you said as she hummed, “thats true, well are you talking to him tonight?” she asked as you hummed back, “yeah i should be getting a call in about an hour, i dont think he has checked his phone yet, so i'll call you first thing alright?” you said as she hummed and you two said your goodbyes. As your phone was still blowing up, more and more rumours were being made, but you didn't expect to be getting attacked.

5SOSWILDFLOWER: Yall, there are some photos of y/n with another guy before cal had gone to tour, guess cal has a reason.

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Caly/n_stan: i don't think she would cheat though, they've been together for years.

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Lukehemmingsstan: i mean yeah but people change especially when dating a celeb, and it wouldn't be the first time a 5sos member would be cheated on.

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@mikeycliff5sos: i mean you can tell she was just in it for the money and the fame, she never spoke about her job.

You were at first confused as to what pictures you were talking about, but then you clearly remember you were with the dog sitter, who happens to be a guy. He was one of Cal's best friends and he always took care of duke when you were away. You were there before cal had gone to tour, to tell him personally that you were staying with duke, since you knew him and it would be nice to catch up on duke’s behavior. Of course the fans didn't know that, but that didn't mean they should attack you. You were kinda stressed about this situation, especially with the things being said, fans even started to question your real intentions with cal and wondered if you were just after cal for his money and fame questioning your line of work as well, which wasnt public because you line of work was importnatn, you were a visual editor at entertainment company and well you kept it private and you didn't want any problems.

On cal’s side of things, he hadnt checked his phone at all wanting to handle one side of stress at a time. After teh show he realxed before calling you, making sure he looked good and fine. But once he lifted his phone he had seen so many notifications, at first he thought it was about the show from tonight but when he clicked he saw everything that was being said about you and him that you two had broken up and the means things being said about you. He was quick to call you as you answered quickly hoping he was okay.

“Hey” you both said quite rapidly, “sorry you go first.” cal said as you sighed and spoke, “are you okay? But i want to know the full truth cal, you know you can talk to me.” you said as he rubebd his head and wished he had spoken to you before anything, he knew if he talked to you hten these rumours wouldnt be made. “Fuck love, im sorry, we had to reroute the show for tonight we got there late, and rehearsal was rushed and, today i didn't do my best to hide my stressed emotions, i tried, but i couldnt, all i wnated to do was talk to you before the show, but i wasnt able to,” he said as his voice was cracking and you felt bad for him, you knew he handled stress well, but you knew today was one of those days, “bub its okay, just talk to me about this kind of stress to help you when you can, no matter what time it may be. I know im not htere, but remeber im a phone call away, always. No matter waht okay, you call me when youre feeling like this.” you said as he smiled a little missing you so much more than he should be able to.

“Youre too good for me you know that? Im sorry for waht the fans are saying, i'll straighten it out babe, they shouldnt be saying this stuff about you,” he said as you giggled, “its fine, it hurt at first, but i mean this all happend beucase i was out with dukes dogsitter,” you said as he laughed a little, “gosh the fans are really out of hand, i love you so much, youre there for me more than many times i could even count, you know youre it for me,” he said as you blushed hearing his words, he would tell you this all the time. It was true, you were it for him and he was it for you. “And youre it for me too, and i'll happily be there for you, always you know that.” you said as he smiled and jsut couldnt wait to get home to you. After talking for about 2 hours, you said your goodbyes and you had gone with the rest of your day as cal had straighten out with the fans about his citation.

He posted a picture on his story of you and captioned it:

To clear out the rumours from today, me and y/n are happily together. y/n has not and has never cheated on me, for those who know she is everything to me and i will do anything to not lose her. There is no anger towards this situation jsut please, be careful with what you say on the interent, even if y/n and i dont post about us everyday its not htat wer are not together, we like to live in the present with one another since i go away for tour. Usually shes here with me, but sadly she isnt. So again please just be aware with what you are posting, we are human and things that were said towards her will hurt anyone.

[kanmom51]

JM JK timeline.- my observations how they grew over the years

Disclaimer: these are my own opinions and conclusions.  Feel free to disagree, but hate or aggression will be unacceptable.

2017 - Part 3

Ooh, we have reached a major event here.  Serendipity. 4 September 2017, or is it 1 September 2017 (??), as I will explain bellow. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEMaH9Sm3lQ&t=16s .  

Or what I like to call:  JM’s love ode to JK.

Now tell me this: If Jimin’s song Serendipity was released 4th September 2017, and uploaded to BangtanTv on 5th September 2017, why is the date stamped on the MV 1 Sep 2017? 

 Does that date mean something? Let me think for a second….oh, it does, doesn’t it?  It’s someone’s birthday !!!

JM tells us himself: “All of this isn’t just a coincidence”.

Serendipity is a beautiful love song, and I honestly believe it is JM’s love ode to JK, a birthday present to his love.  

I am aware that Jimin is not the one who wrote the lyrics for the song.  RM did though.  RM, that at this point was very much aware of the relationship and JM’s great love for JK. RM that had written JK’s Begin, a song that everyone agrees is a very personal song of JK’s.  

The “I am you, you are me” line actually originated from a song released by Zico in early 2016.  There are theories that Jikook used a reference from that songs MV (the band aids on their fingers) during a Puma fan sign on April 2nd 2016.  So, if this is true and the line had special meaning for them to start with, and it found it’s way into the song lyrics... feel free to make your conclusions...

And although we have no way of knowing just how involved JM was in the process of writing this song (did he ask for a love song? Did he give ideas to insert into the song, like destiny, not being a coincidence, the cat?), but at the end of the day, JM ‘owns’ the song, believes in what he is singing.  When he talks about the song you can feel the emotional personal connection he has with the song.  This is his song,  and he sings it for JK.  And JK knows this is Jimin’s gift to him.  

Serendipity related, check out the 18th September Dance with DNA Vlive -  https://www.vlive.tv/video/42069 .

JK’s reaction when JM says Serendipity is his favourite song.  So cute. The thing with this one is that you could easily overlook it or not read too much into it. Only Suga’s reaction here is the tell all.  

At the point that JK is acting all shy and smiley to himself, Suga moves closer to him, whispering “Jungkookah”, something that brings on a change to JK’s entire facial expression.  There’s even a slight head nod from Suga when JK wipes the smile off his face.  

Suga hinting to JK not to be so obvious, only made it more obvious.  I also noticed that just before JM starts singing Serendipity, just after he was asked what his favourite song from the album is, JK looks sideways to Suga, as if he knows he isn’t supposed to react too obviously – looks a bit like little JK might have been scolded or reigned in prior to the live broadcast.    Remember that this is really quite a short time after the song’s release, so JK’s excitement, happiness, is still really fresh.  The song is for him, and it’s JM’s favourite...

I am not going to analyse the MV, but there are many who have done so before me.  Was JM involved in the planning and did he have any input to the choices made?  Idk.  There is a similarity to the motif of the DNA MV. Is it a coincidence that the dominant colour used is JK’s favourite colour? Who knows. But doesn’t the song say “all of this is not a coincidence”?

Add to that JM starting to use the paw print emoji by JK’s name on Twitter?  A coincidence? Mmm… interesting.

From this point on it is clear that “you are me, I am you” is a JM and JK thing. 

21 September 2017 BTS comeback show.  JK was in charge of putting together each of the members DNA.  Very enjoyable.  But why did JM have to mention again that JK comes to their room to sleep?  Also, how does JK know that JM doesn’t wake up Hobi when he is playing games late at night?  JM telling us how he now learnt how to play games – then what games was JM good last year (re: Vlive 22 April 2017)?

22 September 2017 Love Yourself fan sign– JM singing Serendipity, JK joining in.  How happy JM looks when JK sings “just let me love you” with him all while making eye contact with each other at that point. The way JM looks at JK while singing the song.  Singing to him.  

Still think Serendipity is not JK and JM’s song?

They have a way of looking at one another that sometimes make me feel like I’m intruding on a very intimate moment.

24 September 2017 SBS Inkigayo Super concert – found it!!!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb-_jkdxgh4 start watching at 3.36min.

This is the one I remembered, where JM, saw the need to grab JK’s butt, run his hand up and down his back side, right through the crack, repeatedly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7fv0CaQT9M start watching 11:30min , JM walks to his place past JK, lightly brushing his hand against JK.  

When I mention the brushes or light touches – this is what I mean (see attached photos).   Obviously, there will be those who say it wasn’t intentional, that he was walking by him and didn’t mean to touch him.  I say bollox to that (excuse the language).  

First, there was plenty of room not to walk so close to JK.  Second, if you notice, he circles JK only to make it back to the same actual side he was on to begin with.  All he had to do was back up, just like JK did, and not circle JK to make it to his place on stage.  Third, to me it looks as if he was aiming to touch JK’s hand, only it was too high up.

26 September SBS MTV The Show.  Happy happy boys.  

30 September 2017  Love Yourself fan sign Sinchon –  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMIdoK9rfAI .  

Another one I was looking for.  I have seen this moment and wasn’t sure where or when it was from.  This is one of those clips Jikook’s use to show Jimin being jealous, and to be honest, first time I saw it it made me wonder too.  But watching it again and again, I have come to the conclusion that that wasn’t the issue.  

To me this is more JM being protective than JM being Jealous.  Setting the boundaries for V when it comes to JK, and it is something we see with JM more than once.  

JM wasn’t happy.  V wasn’t happy.  Boundaries were set.  

I actually wrote a separate post about this moment.  

1 October 2017 BTS live – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwU-NOMLvqQ 

Tipsy JK must be a Jikooker. His guard is down, inhibitions are gone and he becomes really chatty and tends to say and do things that he most likely regrets later on.  We didn’t see the members drink what seemed to be alcohol, but the vibe I got from JK’s talkativeness and behaviour during the live was that he was tipsy.  Not outright drunk, but tipsy.

To the fan’s request to show his abs, JK starts checking himself out, looking under his T-shirt, only to be scolded by JM to keep it to himself.  This is also the first time we hear him Jikooking, talking about eating with Jin and JM, referring to them as Jin-jikook, and then turning to JM, while the others try to call them by another name (I wonder why…).  Did I not say tipsy JK is a Jikooker???

3 October 2017 Run BTS episode 22.  https://www.vlive.tv/video/43438 start 7.00min.

JM turns to JK asking him to vote for him.  The softness in JM’s voice when he asks him acting all coquettish.  The way JM approached JK and the way he spoke to him, that’s not the way someone talks to his mate, or to his ‘brother’.

There was a softness in the approach to JK.  coquettish is the only way I can describe it.

 Love hearts were added by the show’s editors, not me !!!! 

12 October 2017 BTS countdown. Can be found on Dailymotion. 

All JM had to say was one word – Jungkookah and JK, surprisingly (not) chose him.  The look of joy on their faces at that point.  And again the editors with the heart emoji effects.  Uhm… 

JM and JK’s team was the team chosen by the fans, and guess what song they both choose to sing, as JM piggy backed JK? Their song obviously… Serendipity.  

And yet again, JM gets to tell us JK comes to his room to sleep.  We hear you JM.  We hear you.

Jimin birthday surprise (BangtanTV 1 November 2017) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aAhNAl53ZY.

JM gets flowers sent from his father.  J-Hope and Suga pretend JM’s dad has arrived to surprise JM, Suga pointing and saying he saw him.  JK slowly backs up, shocked and alarmed smile on his face, trying to move behind RM.  Then the boys start laughing.  

Now, why do I think this is a moment worthy of my timeline?  Well, when the boys start laughing, revealing it was a joke, the one Suga points at, laughingly, is JK.  

The whole thing feels like a joke on JK, not JM.  JK is the one being teased.   Why would JK be so stressed out from JM’s dad being there?  And why would the boys be teasing him like that? Hm…

The funny thing is that the camera is on JK and Suga, not on JM, who was supposedly just told his father was there. That feels slightly strange to me. Wouldn’t they want to catch JM’s reaction? Not JK’s?

28-30 October 2017 JK and JM Tokyo trip together.  This trip was long anticipated by JM.  He had been looking forward for his trip with JK for a long time.  It was a private trip planned and paid for by JK as a gift for JM.  What we know about the trip is mostly what they tell us in retrospect.  

Saying that, this was truly a memorable trip for them both, and they both can’t seem to shut up about it, talking about it at any possible moment.  JK telling us how JM stayed up (only JM?) until 5 am, so they both woke up at 12pm and missed out on plans they had for the morning, JM tells how they went shopping in Harajuku, how during their trip was the longest walk they took, referring to their trip during interviews.  As I mentioned – a memorable trip.  

31 October 2017 - When returning from the trip JM posts a selca/selfie.  I know I said I won’t be doing this, but rules are sometimes meant to be broken, and this specific selca is gorgeous, so…

BTS Wings tour Japan documentary - filmed October 2017, published 12 November 2017 - https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7sz5rq .  

Both acting cute together. For some reason, they are the only ones that are paired for the one on one interviews, when Suga, Jin and Hobi were all interviewed by themselves. 

 Felt like JM and inhibitions were strangers during the group interview.  

Not really sure what JM was searching for in JK’s thigh during the group interview (when V was talking) – tupping, fingering and squeezing JK’s thigh.  And yet again RM and J-Hope’s reactions to die for.  Hobi eyes on the action throughout the whole episode, and RM when he notices, I would pay a lot of money to know what was going through his head at that point.  My educated guess is: “God, please get me out of here, why did I agree to be the leader????” LOL.

Then when asked what their impressions were when coming to the dome, JM tells how JK was crying, all while caressing JK’s ear.  JK tells how he was emotional, and they look at each other.  All the while, RM’s face when JM touches JK’s ear, only to continue to place his hands on their shoulders respectively.

JM continues to surprise, telling viewers to anticipate for JK’s sweat.  The minute he says that, RM turns to look towards Suga, the vibe I get is: “god, please help me here…”.  

Then JM goes on to tell us how in his opinion JK’s sweat is beautiful, Holy water.  What???? J-hope repeats JM’s Holy water, then glances for just a second towards RM and looks down nervously – great save Hobi.

The group interview was shot on JM’s birthday.  Maybe that had something to do with his good un-inhibited mood.

8 November 2017 – GCF in Tokyo - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrTNLkqGrlc  .

While the Tokyo trip was JK’s birthday gift or JM.  GCF Tokyo is JK’s love ode to JM.  

One of JK’s grand gestures.  Up there with RB, as far as I am concerned.

This is not an analysis of GCFT, but I do have a few words to say on the matter. Explain why in my eyes this is a JK’s love ode to JM.  

This video was filmed and edited by JK, and JK alone.  It supposedly documents their trip together.  It was his choice and his alone to edit and publish this video and did so to JM’s surprise.  

In the video to start with, he lets us know that it’s the two of them, but from there on, other than seeing JK through the mirrors in the elevator while he is filming JM, the one we mostly see is JM.  JM smiling, JM goofing around, JM eating, JM enjoying himself on the Tea Cup ride at Disneyland, JM walking, JM dancing, and as a whole just JM having the time of his life. For a video that is documenting a trip to Tokyo, there is not too much of Tokyo we get to see.  

The end credits name JK as the photographer, director and editor, while naming JM as the actor.  

There is a strong romantic vibe to the video.  

JK’s editing choices, including his music choice for the video are well thought out.  His choice to edit to the beat of the song.  All cleverly thought out to accentuate both the footage and the lyrics of the song he chose:  ‘There for you’ by Troye Sivan and Martin Garrix.  

JM told us already: “this is not a coincidence”.  

The level of preparation from JK, acquiring the rights to use the song, the amount of time it took to go over the footage and edit the video, all while managing to do that will a full working schedule (working throughout the night). This was clearly something big for him.  His joy and pride when it was uploaded to Youtube, clearly showed, him smiley and dancing.

2 days prior to GCFT, on 6 November 2017, JM published his short clip of the trip.  JM too took the time to edit a cute footage of the trip, documenting both of them having fun. Putting them both side by side only emphasizes the difference and showcases just how much GCFT was all about JM, being JK’s love ode to JM.

To be continued...

[matbaerzal]

Then I Met You | M. Barzal

A/N: IT’S FINALLY HEREEE!! Thank you for being patient, and please, PLEASE let me know what you think!! 🥺❤️ (playlist + pinterest) Songs mentioned, in order of appearance: IDK You Yet - Alexander 23  IDK You Yet (Live on Piano) - Alexander 23  Favorite T-Shirt (Acoustic) - Jake Scott

Summary: Mat is a musician living in New York. He’s got a regular spot playing at the café underneath his apartment. Then, one night, you walk into his life. Warnings: a little bit of swearing, alcohol mentions, lots of fluff.. BARZY PLAYING GUITAR AND PIANO!! (There’s also two different perspectives in this: Yours and Mat’s) Words: 13,8K Copyright © @matbaerzal 2020 All Rights Reserved Tagging: @tkachukme @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 @thirteenisles @zuucc @captainkreider  @tysojost @generallybarzy @yeeehaw-hockey @kerwritesthings @suchalilyofthevalley @softboybarzal @josty @itrocksmysocks @patricksharp @broadstbroskis @laurenairay @charlie-theangelwrites @sorryjustafangirl @konecny-s @canadianheaters​ @folkloreflyers​ @shawnsreputation​ 

Your usual cafe is only a few seconds from your apartment. Your usual cafe makes your coffee perfectly and has the best sweets to go with it. Your usual cafe is the perfect environment to do study in - it’s comfortable, predictable, safe. 

So why you took a different turn this Thursday morning and headed for another cafe down the street, you had no idea. You’d walked past it countless times, always thinking to yourself that you should check it out one day, but you never had. 

Until now.

Walking in, feeling the warmth, was an instant relief. Then you took in the scenery as you unwrapped the scarf around your neck before brushing off some snow from your coat. It was cozy, with a mix of old furniture that would not have worked if it was placed in any other space.

As you took in the exposed brick behind the bar counter, the art and the old guitars hanging on the sidewalls, and the piano that was standing on what could only be a stage, you wondered why you’d never gone in before now. 

The young barista, Lucy - you read her name tag, gives you a warm smile as you walk over. “Hey, what can I get you?” she says as you glance over at the handwritten chalkboard menu behind her. “I’ll have a double latte” you glance over at the baked goods, “and a cinnamon bun, please” you decide. 

She nods, “are you staying in, or taking it with you?” she asks as she lifts the glass food cover. “Staying in” you smile before looking around to find a place to sit. She puts the cinnamon bun on a small plate before entering your items on the till, as you pay you make sure to leave a little tip.

“I’ll bring the coffee over when it’s done,” she tells you, you thank her as you take your plate, finding a table near the window with a big chair that almost looks too comfortable. Carefully putting the plate down as you sit down before sliding your bag off your shoulder, setting it next to the chair. 

You set the plate to the side, making room for your computer and book. Just as you’ve set everything up, Lucy comes over with your coffee, you thank her again as you reach out for it. You scootch your book over a little to make room for the cup, the table barely fitting everything you brought with you. 

You hum in content as you take the first sip - smiling as your eyes scan the room. You look over at the couple of friends trying to keep their laughter down at the opposite side of the room. The middle-aged man reading the newspaper a couple of tables over, the grey dog laying by his legs. And the lady ordering her coffee before heading off to work. 

Taking another sip you shift your focus back to your schoolwork in front of you, sighing as you put the cup down before opening the book. You absentmindedly rip a piece off the cinnamon bun, only to put the book down for a bigger piece when you taste it. Now you’re definitely kicking yourself for not coming here sooner. 

You sit there for hours, watching people come and go, the pages on your document filling with notes, your cup emptying - stretching your legs as you order another one, and another one. 

The last cup you order, you notice you can’t keep your focus on the pages you’re reading anymore, deciding to bookmark it to take a break. You put your items back in your bag, taking your time to finish the last half of your cup as you watch the strangers around you. 

The middle-aged man with the dog is still there, his paper now folded by the table as he finishes eating the cake he ordered earlier. His dog perks up as he slowly gets up from his seat when he’s done. He takes the plate, lifting it over to the bar counter - giving it to Lucy who takes it from him with a smile, telling him he doesn’t have to keep doing that. 

You gather he’s a regular as he walks back to his table calling for his dog and putting his jacket back on. He grabs the leash and picks up the newspaper. He smiles at you as he walks past you, turning to Lucy, lifting the newspaper to wave goodbye to her. 

Something slips out of his paper as he lifts his hand, making you call after him as you stand up. Picking up what looks like some sort of flyer, you stretch your hand out to give it to him. He looks at your face, then back at the flyer, “that’s alright, you can keep that” he says with a polite smile before turning back around and continuing out the door before you can say anything. 

Confusion takes over as the bell over the door rings when it closes again. You sit back down before you really look at the flyer. 

Mat Barzal: Live Friday night at the Blackbird Café 9:00-10:30 PM Get your tickets online or at our venue

You hum to yourself, taking the last cold sip of your coffee before putting the flyer in your bag, making a note to ask your roommate, Olivia, if she has plans tomorrow night - intrigued to see this cozy cafe turn into something else. You slide your jacket back on, wrapping your scarf around your neck. After picking up your bag you take your cup and give it to Lucy who thanks you. You ask her if there are any tickets left for the concert and her face lights up a little. 

��Yeah, do you want to buy a ticket?” she says.

“Actually, could I book a table? And I’ll get the tickets online - so, if my roommate wants to come along, she can- “ you trail off, noticing your own rambling.

“Yes, of course. Is that table ok?” she points to a small table a couple of rows from the stage, near the wall. You nod, and she writes down your details. “Perfect, I’ll see you tomorrow” she smiles, “yeah, have a nice day,” you say before bracing yourself for the cold air as you open the door.

The Blackbird Café

Mat wakes up late Friday morning with a headache - groaning as he glances over at the clock. He wants to let sleep take over his body again, but the ache in his empty stomach and the dull pain in his head wouldn’t have let him. 

He lifts the covers, swinging his legs over the side of the bed as he sits up, rolling his shoulders before getting up. He cranes his neck from side to side, breathing out as he hears the bones pop. He pulls on a pair of sweats, moving quickly to find socks to warm his feet from the cold floor. 

He pulls on a hoodie as he walks out of his room, walking straight to his door to put on some shoes. He didn’t bother putting on a jacket, even though the air in the hallway is even colder than his apartment. There's a hurry in his steps as he walks down the stairs to the tiny lobby. As he walks out the door he instinctively wraps his arms around himself, huffing out as the cold air hits him.

He doesn’t waste time walking to the next door over. The familiar noise of the bell over the door comforts him - his headache lifting a bit already. 

“Hey, Lucy” the sleep is still evident in his voice as he closes the door quickly behind him. She perks up when she sees him, instantly starting to make his usual coffee as she greets him, “Mat’s here” she says, quickly peeking her head into the kitchen. 

Mat sits down on a barstool by the counter, gladly taking the plain black coffee from Lucy when she hands it to him. “You’re late today” she points out. Mat takes a sip of his coffee, nodding as he hums - “couldn’t sleep” 

Lucy raises her brow for him to elaborate, there aren’t too many people in the café so she has time to talk to him, and her dad isn’t around to scold her for taking a break. 

“I woke up in the middle of the night, and-” he pauses unsure of where to start. “So there’s this song I’ve been writing, and I’ve been stuck on it for the longest time” he takes another sip of his coffee. “And then it just came to me, and I couldn’t sleep until I’d written it all down and finished it, you know”

“So, there’s a new song in your set tonight?” Lucy hopes. It’s not that his current set was bad, not at all. But, having heard the same songs for months on end, the thought of a fresh song excited her. “Oh, I don’t know about that” Mat averts her eyes, his voice low and void of confidence. 

“Mat, please, I’m sure it’s great” she tries to encourage him, but he’s still not sure. “I’ll give you free coffee for a month” she tries to bribe him, but he scoffs - “I barely pay for them as is” 

“I’ll think about it,” he says after a moment, and the sheer joy on her face is enough to convince him - but he won’t tell her that she’s won just yet.

Lucy’s like a little sister to Mat - her dad, Daniel, owns the café and the two apartments above it. That’s how he landed a spot to play every first Friday of the month at the café. Daniel helped him move into his current apartment, and when he saw all the instruments he asked Mat to play him a couple of songs. That was almost three years ago, and Mat was still here. 

He was beyond grateful for what Daniel did for him, he was sure he wouldn’t still be in New York if it wasn’t for him and this café. If Mat ever struggled to make ends meet, Daniel would help him out any way he could. Whether that was giving him a couple of shifts at the café or hooking him up with various bands in need of a substitute guitarist, pianist, or back-up singer. 

But Mat had hoped he’d have gotten further by now.

Sure, he was living off of his music by now. He was able to pay rent and stock the fridge with the money he made off of writing songs. But he didn’t want to write meaningless songs for other artists to fill out a blank spot on their album. 

Mat wanted to be on stage, performing his own songs, the ones he didn’t have it in him to sell. And once a month, he had a chance to do just that, and he loved it - he really did. But lately, something just felt off. Like he was missing something - something he couldn’t put his finger on. 

And last night when he wrote that song, well, he hadn’t felt that alive in a long time. 

The thought of performing it scared him a little, but if it meant he got to feel that way again, and if it made Lucy happy, he knew needed to do it. 

----

You were going to be late. 

Not that you were too surprised, Olivia had a special talent for being late to any occasion. She’d started getting ready two hours before you had to leave, but somehow, despite insisting she’d make it in time, the concert had now already started. 

When she finally comes out of her room you shoot up from your spot on the couch, turning the TV off before going straight to the hallway. You see her stop abruptly, her thinking face on, and you hold your hand up before she can even say anything. “No, nope-” you put on a stern voice. “Whatever you think you’ve forgotten, I swear I have it in my purse” you grab her arm and pull her with you.

“Ok, ok I’m coming” she laughs.

Luckily her habit of always being late also meant that she was a fast walker, and you were at the café in no time. You could see that it was full, the only free table was the one you booked the day before.

As Olivia opens the door, a strange feeling washes over you - almost as if you were nervous. But before you can dwell on it, his voice pulls you in. 

As one of the stage lights hits you, you can barely see the man standing on stage, but you swear you see him looking at you. You try to brush it off - it’s just because you walked in during his song. After you’ve sneaked past a couple of bodies to get to your table by the wall, you look up at the stage again and notice the whole room has gone silent. 

No guitar, his voice quiet.

A breath catches in your throat - you hadn’t been able to take a proper look earlier, too embarrassed that you were late, but now you see him, really see him. 

And he’s looking right at you.

You’re completely frozen in your spot, you don’t even register Olivia tugging at your sleeve to get you to sit down. It’s his tousled hair, his parted lips, and his eyes - his eyes. You’re compelled to walk closer, just to be able to find out what color they are, but you stay still. Though, even from where you’re standing you can see there’s a sadness hidden deep behind them.

Mat had grown tired of the lyrics to his songs a long time ago, as if the more he sang them the more the meaning behind the words faded away. Before last night he’d been in a rut and hadn’t written anything for months. He tried his best to pour his soul into them anyway, but even he knew that his eyes didn’t shine the way they used to when he sang those same old songs.

He’d glanced over at Lucy in the crowd before he began playing his new song, and taken a deep breath before he started picking on the strings, and there was a sense of relief that washed over him. That feeling he felt last night came back, it wasn’t as strong but it was in his fingertips as his music filled the room.

He’d felt every word deep in his bones when he wrote them down on the paper. It was like something took over and wrote it for him - an unknown muse had inspired him. He couldn’t quite understand it, but whoever they were he longed to find them.

Then, you walked in. 

He didn’t see you at first, his eyes glued to the guitar, but as the bell over the door rang, he’d lifted his eyes. And the whole world stopped - the words slipping from his mind as your beauty blinded him.

He’s desperate to see your eyes, but as quickly as he gets a glimpse they’re gone - focused elsewhere as you rush to find your seat. Just as you’re about to sit down, you look up at him again.

A breath catches in his throat, and he’s consumed by you. Suddenly the words of his song make sense, and as he looks into your eyes they start to come back to him. 

When his fingers pluck on the strings again and his voice fills the room again, it’s as if you can breathe again. The words seep into your soul, and you feel them in every bone of your body. His eyes never leave yours as he finishes the song.

How can you miss someone you've never met? 'Cause I need you now but I don't know you yet

It’s like you and he are the only people in the room, it’s not until you hear people clapping that the world fades back into view. Olivia touches your shoulder, making you tear your eyes away from him, grounding you. Your body is flushed with warmth, it’s almost overwhelming. 

“Is it just me or is he staring at you?” Olivia says, you bite your lip looking back at him. His eyes are still on you, but you swear you see him blush before he averts his eyes to his guitar. He clears his throat, his voice is almost shy as he introduces the next song. You look back at Olivia again to answer, but you find yourself speechless. You’re left looking at her with your mouth agape, unable to put words to whatever it is you’re feeling.  “He’s cute” she winks at you, and finally you scoff out a breath - “yeah”. 

He continues his set, but you can’t quite shake the feeling that his words were meant for you. And you know that’s crazy, you’ve never met him before, never even seen him. Because if you had seen him, you would have remembered. Your breath hitches in your throat every time his eyes drift back to you. 

You take a deep breath as he finishes his last song, thanking the crowd as he lifts the guitar strap over his head. As he’s setting his guitar down you recognize Lucy as she comes up to hug him, the man sitting with her follows, patting him on the shoulders with a proud smile on his face. You can’t hear what Mat’s saying but you’re pretty sure he nudges his head towards you.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom before we leave” you hear Olivia say, and you were hit with the reality that you’d agreed to go to the library tomorrow morning to study. Then, he’s walking your way, his eyes on the floor before he lifts his head, meeting your eyes again. 

“Hey,” he says breathlessly. 

“Hi,” your voice matches his, and strangely, it feels like you’re greeting an old friend.

“Can I sit?”

You nod, and he pulls up a chair. “You were-, that was great” you don’t know what else to say. He smiles, running his fingers through his hair and you wonder what it would feel like. Now that he’s closer you notice his eyes are hazel, and even in the dim light, you drown in them.

“Thanks,” he smiles.

“I’m Mat, by the way” he reaches his hand out for you to take. You give him your name, biting your lip as you take his hand. His hand wraps around yours and you feel his calloused fingertips against your skin. 

“At the risk of being forward, I was wondering if you wanted to have a drink with me” 

Your face falls and his confidence falters for a moment before you speak up. “I would love to, but I have an early morning and it’s getting late” you’re afraid it sounds like a silly excuse, but you can tell he doesn’t see it that way. Still, you’re quick to add, “but I’m free tomorrow afternoon.”

“Yeah?” his eyes light up and you nod.

“Wanna meet me here? at 5 - or whenever you’re free” he rambles. There’s a slight blush on his cheeks and you bite your lip before you ignore his question.

“Do you have a pen and some paper?” you ask.

He’s caught off guard, but he’s quick to reach into his jacket, pulling a small notebook and a pen from his pocket before flipping through the pages to find you a blank one. Your curiosity peaks as you get a glimpse of his scribbles, but you don’t act on the urge to check as he hands it to you. Holding back a smirk, you write down your number. Just in time, Olivia comes up next to you, her eyes drifting between the two of you as she introduces herself to Mat, who’s desperately waiting for an answer to his question. 

“Are you ready to go?” she asks you, “yeah,” you say as you sign your name under your number in Mat’s book. 

You slide the book over to him again, still open on the page you wrote in. As he turns it around to see what you wrote you pull on your jacket. 

He looks up at you as you stand up, and just as he’s about to say you still haven't answered his question, you say, “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”. You feel your heart beating in your chest, and you’re surprised you managed to say it so smoothly. You’re surprised you’re able to stand as he smiles at you, your legs weakening at the look he gives you. You bite your lip as you wait for him to speak.

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow” 

Smiling at him, you resist the urge to stay as you follow Olivia out the door. You give him one last look as you walk out the door, only to find him still looking at you.

It’s Olivia’s squeal that turns your head again, and you panic to silence her, rushing her down the sidewalk. 

“The look he was giving you, oh my gooood” she practically screams, “the look you were giving him too, for that matter” she lowers her voice as she nudges your shoulder. 

Despite the cold air, your cheeks feel warm as you laugh at her.

You feel your phone vibrate in your pocket, taking it out to check who’s messaged you this late. It’s an unknown number, but he’s signed his name at the bottom and you can’t help but squeal yourself as you show it to Olivia.

Unknown Number: How do you like your coffee? - Mat x

The first date

Mat’s nervous.

Not in the way he was when he performed his new song. Not in the way he feels when he’s about to go on a first date even - because it feels bigger than that somehow. Usually, before a date, he’s not too afraid of fucking things up, because he knows it’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t work out. But now, for some reason, he knows that if he doesn’t do it right, he’ll be missing out on something big - something important.

He’s been down in the café for half an hour already and it’s still another half hour until you’d agreed to meet. Every time the bell over the door rings he turns his head to check if it’s you, but there’s no way you’d show up so early. Lucy doesn’t know whether to laugh at him or to pat him on the shoulder, she’s never seen him so nervous. Fidgeting with his fingers, asking her if he looks alright, trying to check his reflection in the shiny coffee machine across the bar. 

He checks the time once more and sighs out, he swore time was moving slower. “Can you make that coffee now?” he asks Lucy again as if you’d magically appear in front of him when everything was ready.

He’d asked Lucy to make sure there were a couple of cinnamon buns left and he wanted you to have your favorite coffee ready for when you arrived. You’d told him you were studying today and guessed you’d be tired, so he just wanted things to be perfect. 

“Mat,” Lucy chuckles at him, and he raises his brow at her.

“You know if I make it now it’ll be cold by the time-“ her voice trails off as her eyes look behind him. “Never mind” she mumbles as she starts making the coffees with a smirk on her face - his eyebrows furrow in confusion. That is until he hears the bell above the door ring and he turns around to see you walk in.

You were early, maybe even embarrassingly so.

You’d gotten ready as soon as you got back from the library and you simply couldn’t wait any longer. You’d tried to sit down on the couch next to Olivia, but you kept checking the time, fidgeting around, and sighing out loud - “Just go” she had laughed at you.

So 20 minutes before you’d agreed to meet up you walk into the café, hoping to grab a coffee before Mat shows up to wake yourself up a little. Only to see him already sitting by the bar, his head turning as he hears you enter.

“Hey,” he shoots up from his seat, a nervous smile on his face matching your own.

“Hi” you breathe out, relieved to be out of the cold and happily surprised that he’s already there. 

“You’re early,” he thinks out loud, his eyes drifting over your face, trying to memorize your features now that he’s seeing you in the daylight. Without a second thought, he greets you with a hug, and it’s too short for your liking. You fight the urge to hold on, the brief whiff of his perfume intoxicates you and you want nothing more than to stay wrapped up in his warm embrace. You have to shake your head to rid yourself of your thoughts, you’d only just met this man and you already felt butterflies going wild in your stomach just looking at him, surely that couldn’t be normal.

“So are you” you point out with a small laugh - looking at him just in time to see him blush. “I uh- I live close by” he scratches the back of his neck and Lucy scoffs with a playful roll of her eyes. He glances over at her, with a warning glare, though just as playful as her eye-roll. She slides over your coffees, giving you a warm smile as Mat takes them and walks over to a table with two very comfortable looking chairs. 

“I live right upstairs, actually” he motions his head to the ceiling. He gently sets your cups down as you both take a seat at table 13.

“So you’re here often, then” you smile.

“You could say that” he chuckles, “I’ve never seen you in here though, I mean, before yesterday” he continues.

“Yeah, I came in here for the first time earlier this week, and someone gave me your flyer and, well” you trail off.

“It was Barry” you hear Lucy speak up, a confused laugh leaving you as you turn to look at her for a second. 

“Of course it was,” Mat says back to her.

“He’s one of the regulars” Mat explains, but it doesn’t answer your internal question - why is it obvious that he’d give it to you? Mat senses your confusion and blushes again before he speaks up.

“Barry’s always telling people about my Friday night shows,” he says bashfully. 

“Well, I’m glad he did” you bite your lip, your eyes shying away from his for just a moment.

Time passes as the two of you fall into conversation. Your cups empty, only to be replaced by new ones as he tells you about where he’s from. How he’d moved from Vancouver to New York five years ago into a tiny shared apartment with barely enough space for everyone who lived there. The 3 other guys in his apartment started out as strangers, but were now some of his closest friends. They were also musicians, so they’d quickly bonded when they started playing together here and there. 

And he gets lost in your voice as you tell him about yourself, the smile on your lips, your laugh, the way you don’t know what to do with your hands as you tell him a story about when you and Olivia had to run for your lives to catch the last train home a few years ago - it all drew him that much closer to you. 

You lose yourself in his eyes as he looks intently into yours whilst you tell him the stories - it’s not until Lucy comes over with some food for the both of you that you realize how quickly time has passed.

“How did you two meet?” you ask as Lucy sets a couple of cinnamon rolls on the table for you. Lucy’s about to speak when someone walks over to the bar to order something, “I’ve gotta-” she motions towards the bar and you nod understandingly.

“It’s pretty funny actually” Mat speaks, drawing your attention back towards him. He explains that the owner of the café and his apartment is Lucy’s dad and that they both helped him move in. 

“I’d been living in this shitty apartment, you know, and it was already furnished, so I didn’t really have a lot of stuff. I had to buy a bunch of furniture when I moved out. Dan and I were scratching our heads trying to figure out how to assemble it all, and Lucy-” he nudges his head in her direction, you’re hanging onto his every word even as he laughs through them. “The IKEA genius, saved the day when she came home from school. It’s pretty funny actually - I would’ve had to sleep on the floor if it wasn’t for her”

The café has filled up with people by now, and Lucy’s heading home as coffee orders are swapped out with beer and martinis. With the noise around you, it was getting harder to hear each other, and your chairs were moving closer and closer together as time passed. 

For the first time since Lucy came to the table, you check the time again. Your eyelids were getting heavy, and even though you didn’t want to leave, you had to admit you were getting tired. Mat reads you, leaning over “c’mon, I’ll walk you home” he offers.

You think of him walking you all the way home only to walk back here again in the cold alone - and no matter how much you wanted more time with him, you didn't want to feel like he had to.

“Mat, that’s sweet, but you don’t have to-” 

“Please, I want to” he doesn’t want the date to end either, he rarely ever feels so comfortable around someone so fast as he does with you. Whenever that happens and whoever it’s happened with before, they’ve always ended up being important to him. And he didn’t care if he had to walk a few blocks away and then back again in the cold if it meant he got to spend just a few more minutes with you.

“Thank you” You give him a soft smile, putting on your jacket and following his lead out of the café. He opens the door for you and you wait a moment for him to step next to you before you continue down the street.

A comfortable silence falls between the two of you, the distant noises of a Saturday night is the only thing filling the cold air. As you meet a couple going the opposite way, Mat steps closer to you to let them pass and you feel his hand brush against yours. Your cheeks warm at the feeling as you look down at your hands, his touch feels electric and it sets off a spark in your body. The other couple has passed you by now but he doesn’t step away, instead, his fingers search for yours. His touch is a question and you answer it by intertwining your fingers with his.

You look up at him to see him looking at you, biting his lips, his cheeks rosy as he squeezes your hand as if to say thank you. 

Once you see your apartment building you’re almost tempted to walk around in a circle, to draw out the time, but you come to a stop outside your door with a bittersweet feeling.

“When can I see you again?” he instantly asks once he realizes you’ve arrived.

“I’m free on Wednesday” you’d checked your schedule before the date, hoping that it would go well. But really, he’d blown past every expectation and you felt like a teenager, wanting to skip out on your classes so you could see him sooner.

“Meet me at the café again? I’ll be around there all day, so come whenever you want” he rambles.

“Okay,” you smile, squeezing his hand hoping it reassures him.

You take the smallest step backward, reluctant to go into your building, your fingers slide from his just the tiniest bit before he grasps them again. He’s pulling you to him, carefully, testing the waters. “I had a really great time tonight” he murmurs, and your breath hitches in your throat at how close he is now.

“Me too” you find your voice, eyes dropping to his parted lips as he leans a little closer. Your free hand finds his waist, as his moves to cup your cheek. You close your eyes and shy away from the cold touch with a small laugh. 

“That’s cold” you hum.

“Sorry” his voice is soft as he lets out a small chuckle and you lean into his touch again as you open your eyes. He’s looking at your lips, and he really, really wants to kiss you right now.

“Then kiss me,” you say and he realizes he said it out loud.

His forehead presses against yours, your cold noses touch, eyes fluttering shut. You feel his breath as his lips brush against yours and you grip his waist, bringing him closer, his lips finally against yours. 

That spark in your body ignites and the fire warms you up from within as your lips move together. And you kiss and kiss and kiss until you run out of air and wide smiles take over your faces. His nose nudges against yours and you give his lips another peck before leaning back in his embrace.

“Let me know when you’re back home?” Your question warms his heart and he nods - ”I will” he promises, pressing his lips against your one final time, savoring it before he lets you go. His hand lingers in yours as he slowly steps back the way you came, and they stay intertwined until the distance between you pulls them apart. 

He keeps walking backward, his eyes on yours as you huff out a laugh when he stumbles a little. He turns around then and gives you one last soft smile over his shoulder as you walk up to your entrance.

You start getting ready for bed the moment you get in, Olivia is already in her room, but you have no doubt she’ll ask you about your night the moment she sees you. Your night plays over and over in your head on a loop and it’s a movie you’ll never get tired of seeing. 

Mat’s damn near skipping on his way home, wearing a smile he knows must look ridiculous to anyone passing, but he still feels your touch on his hand, on his lips and it’s all he can think about.  

Your phone buzzes just as you come out of your bathroom, and you check the message just as you hear Olivia's bedroom door open, peeking her head out with a tired but expectant look on her face. You reread the message with a smile on your face as you nudge your head towards the couch as if to tell her “you’re gonna want to sit down for this one.”

Mat: I’m home Mat: Can’t wait to see you on Wednesday x

The second date

He hasn’t left your mind, not for a day, an hour, or a minute. 

You were one step away from drawing silly doodles in your textbook about him in your classes, and it was painfully obvious to you how fast you’d connected. 

What didn’t help is that he was texting you, every day. 

Because you hadn’t left his mind either.

When he was listening to music he wanted to know what music you listened to. When he was watching a movie he wanted to know if you’d watched it or if you’d like it. When the sunshine poured in through his window he wondered what you’d look like covered in the golden light.

The café was quiet this early on a Wednesday, Mat had been keeping Lucy company since they opened, writing songs on the bar as she cleaned the coffee machine 5 times just to have something to do.

You’d let him know you’d be there around 12, right in time for lunch. You took your time in the morning, deciding to do some reading for one of your classes, but ending up reading the same sentence three times because your mind was elsewhere. Each time you finished a paragraph you’d check the time to see if you should leave soon.

A few minutes after 11:30 you decided to just go, going to the bathroom to check your appearance one last time before heading to the door. You don’t even put on your jacket properly before leaving, locking the door before heading down the stairs - clumsily sliding your arms into the sleeves on your way down to the exit. The air was colder than you expected and for a second you debate going back up for a scarf, but you decide against it, wrapping your arms around yourself instead. 

Mat’s filled up more pages than he can count in his notebook since your date, and he’s so wrapped up in it that he doesn’t even notice the time passing him by - doesn’t register the rare few times the bell over the door rings and doesn’t realize you’ve arrived until he hears your voice.

“Hey” you breathe out, making his head shoot up. Lucy greets you before he finds his voice, offering you a coffee as he takes you in. 

“Hi” he finally says, writing one last thing in his book before marking his page and closing it. 

Lucy turns around to make your coffee as he stands up. You’re about to shrug your jacket off when he steps to you, cupping your cheeks gently before kissing you. Though he caught you by surprise, you don’t hesitate to kiss him back, your hands sliding up to his shoulders. 

It’s when Lucy clears her throat that he pulls away, a blush on his cheeks as he avoids her eyes, scratching his neck. You’re left with warm cheeks and goosebumps, speechless - having to shake yourself out of it before taking your coffee from Lucy, a small embarrassed “thank you,” leaving you. 

The two of you order food before sitting down at the same table you sat at on Saturday, his hand finding yours across the table. Before lunch, you catch up on the little things you hadn’t already spoken about over text since last time. By the time food comes he mentions that he’d spoken to his family the night before and you notice the tiniest hint of sadness in his tone.

“Do you miss them?” you ask, feeling a bit stupid, of course he misses them.

“Yeah” he sighs.

“I talk to them a lot though, but it’s not the same. I’m super happy that they call me when they get together, but I just feel like I’m missing out on their lives sometimes” he pauses for a moment, “I’m super grateful for FaceTime, don’t get me wrong” he laughs a humorless laugh, “but it’s not the same at all, you know?” 

You squeeze his hand - “it’s like they’re with you, but not really” you say, and he knows you understand what he means as he looks into your eyes. 

“I don’t know what I would do without Dan and Lucy, to be honest - probably drift away” he smiles, glancing over at Lucy who was now cleaning the fridge doors. And you hum, “my roommate is my anchor” you laugh.

“Yeah?” he asks, a small smile on his face

“She’s a pain sometimes, but I’d be lost without her”

“Any friend you live with is a pain sometimes” he laughs, thinking back to when he lived with his friends. Sure, they were loud and way too messy, but sometimes he missed having someone around to keep him company. He used to go to Daniel’s for dinner a lot, but he’d been so busy lately and Mat didn’t want to impose.

The bell over the door rings again, making you both look over. A man walks in, waving casually at Mat before doing a double-take, turning to walk over to your table. 

He speaks your name enthusiastically and you’re confused as to who this man is and why he knows your name. He holds his hand out to you and now that he’s closer you think you might recognize him from the concert, if you were to guess you’d say that this is-

“I’m Daniel, so nice to meet you” he smiles, shaking your hand. 

“Nice to meet you too” you smile back, feeling slightly accomplished that you’d guessed right. 

He looks between the two of you, “I’ve got to work a little, but you two have a lovely date.”

He walks over to Lucy and you hear them talking about getting some things from storage before his voice picks up again. “Mat, can you keep an eye on the bar for me? Call me if anyone comes in?” 

“Of course” Mat smiles.

You’re left alone in the café as they walk into the kitchen. There seems to be something on Mat’s mind and before you can ask him, he’s standing up, pulling you with him.

You’d taken his breath away when he first saw you, but being around you now, he felt like he could truly breathe. Like that first breath of fresh air after being stuck inside a stuffy room, or a cool breeze on a hot day. He felt like he could be himself completely, he could tell you his highs and lows without filtering out any details, and you’d listen to him.

“Can I play you something?” he asks, walking you over to the piano.

As he sits down, he makes room for you on the bench too - patting the spot to urge you to sit down. 

“One of your songs?” you hope.

“Yeah, it’s uh- the one I was playing when you walked in on Friday” 

A shiver runs down your spine as you think back to it. And you're left with your mouth gaping as he continues to speak.

“I’d written it the night before, and I didn’t know why or who it was about. When you walked in it was like I found the missing puzzle piece, and fuck- it sounds weird but-”

You kiss him.

Threading your fingers through his hair on instinct, as he hums into the kiss.

“I’ve felt those words in my bones since I heard you sing them, Mat. Please, sing it to me again” you murmur against his lips. 

His lips find yours again, softly, before he speaks - “okay” 

You lean your head on his shoulder as his fingers brush over the keys on the piano.

Closing your eyes as the first note fills the room, his voice finds its way into your soul as he opens his heart to you, for you. You meet his eyes for a moment seeing his emotions painted on them, hearing them laced into the words, hiding between each note. He knows you’re the one the song is about, he knew the moment he saw you, but he’s finally admitted it to himself. And the way you look at him only confirms it. Since he met you his chest hasn’t felt so heavy, his morning headaches were gone, they’d been replaced by you - images of your face, the memory of your voice, your laugh, they all played through in his mind. Grounding him.

A Home

My muse ❤️: My place at 5 tomorrow?

He’d been staring at the text you sent him yesterday for who knows how long. It’s been four days since he saw you last, four days since he sang to you, four days since he kissed you. He’d walked you home that day too, held your hand again, drawn out your goodbye as he pressed his lips to yours again and again.

He’d opened up to you last time, with the smallest fear that it was too much, that he’d scare you away. He was left in awe to see you inviting him into your space now. He’d typed out several replies yesterday before finally settling on one. 

I’ll see you then! Need me to bring anything? x

My muse ❤️:  No, don’t worry x

You’d answered him straight away, but now that he was searching for any type of clue in your previous messages he still had no idea what you’d planned for him. Locking his phone and looking back into the mirror he hoped the casual outfit he’d gone for was appropriate for whatever occasion. He runs his fingers through his hair a few more times before walking out of his bathroom to get a jacket before making his way over to your place. He follows his mom's advice and stops to get you something, even though you said he didn’t have to.

You’d been a bit bold inviting two people you barely knew into your home, but the short amount of time you’d now spent with Lucy and Daniel had shown you how good they were. When you’d walked into the café the other day asking if they had time for dinner anytime soon they’d been nothing but polite and eager to find a day that fit. As Lucy got someone to cover her shift, Sunday worked out perfectly. 

Biting your lip, you hope Mat will like the surprise you planned for him. 

When you saw how much he missed his family and felt how much it was affecting him, you just wanted to do something to show him that you cared. And you thought inviting his little world into yours would at least be a good place to start.

Dinner was just about ready. Daniel and Lucy had both politely offered to help and even though you insisted they didn’t have to, they didn’t listen. Lucy prepared the side salad, Daniel prepped the vegetables, while you prepared the meat, and Olivia had made some dessert earlier in the day so she was currently sitting drinking some wine by the dining table. You had all finished in no time, and now you were just waiting for the vegetables to finish cooking - and for Mat to show up.

Just a few moments after your doorbell rang, the timer for the oven went off too, as if on cue. Daniel winked at you as he went to the door, pressing the button to open the door downstairs before waiting for Mat by the door. You quickly got the vegetables out of the oven so you could catch Mat’s reaction when he saw Daniel opening your door.

He barely even gets to knock once before Daniel opens the door - the confused look on his face is priceless. Everyone else comes into his view and he’s not sure where to look, he’s never seen your apartment before, and to see two very familiar faces standing in it threw him off, but he couldn’t be happier. 

“Dan- What are you two doing here?” he laughs, looking between Daniel and Lucy, before giving them both a quick hug with one arm. You notice he’s holding something behind his back with his other hand as you step towards them.

“Same as you,” Daniel replies.

He greets Olivia quickly too before you reach them. Everyone else moves back towards the kitchen as you step over to Mat, soft smiles on each of your faces. He reveals a paper bag with some flowers sticking out, holding it out for you in the space between your bodies. At first, you think it’s a bouquet, but you soon realize as you take it in your hands that it’s a potted plant.

You meet his eyes, you’re about to thank him when he pulls you in by your waist for a kiss. It’s short and sweet but it still makes your head spin, “they’re hydrangeas” he nods his head towards the flowers. “Thank you, they’re lovely” you kiss his cheek before stepping away from him - another kiss on his soft lips might have sent you spiraling.

“Please come in, take a seat” you smile, gesturing towards the table that was now set and ready for you all to eat as the others had made everything ready while the two of you were in your sweet little bubble. 

You put the flowerpot in the kitchen, admiring his choice for a moment - wondering how he picked just the right colors to go with your apartment. 

“Get over here, we’re hungry” Olivia urges you, tapping her fingers at the table. “For someone who’s late to everything, you sure are impatient” you tease her as you make your way to the table, sitting down next to Mat. 

“Hey, I was early to this” she argues.

You’re about to open your mouth when Lucy speaks up - “you live here” 

The whole table, including Olivia, break out a laugh and you smile at Lucy, “I was just about to say that”

You all settle down and start passing the food around to each other, keeping the small talk up as you all eat, your plates emptying slowly.

Mat takes a moment to take in the scene before him, how comfortable Lucy seemed talking to you and Olivia, how you genuinely laughed at one of Daniel’s awful jokes, how you all forgot to eat because you were too busy getting to know each other. He’s broken out of his thought as your hand comes to rest on his thigh. 

“Hey, you alright?” you speak so only he can hear, your eyes intently watching him. He takes your hand in his, raising it to his lips with a soft smile as he presses a kiss to your knuckles. 

“I’m perfect - this is perfect”

Without even realizing, you’d reminded him that he has a family here in New York too, and now it has grown to fit you and Olivia. And as he sat at your dining table next to you he felt like he was home.

The Weekend

Friday

The next couple of weeks flew by, and you and Mat spent as much time together as you could. You’d gone for walks, had dinner together a few more times, you’d spent the day with him studying at table 13 while he wrote songs - your feet next to his thighs in his chair, his hand coming down to rub your leg comfortingly whenever she heard you sigh deeply or saw you tense up.

A month has gone by since you first met him and Mat has another show tonight. After a day of classes, you were finally free to go get ready, pull on your favorite outfit, and pack an overnight bag.

The bag was open, standing on your bed - empty. You’d gone through all your drawers, and you had no idea what to bring. Nothing felt right, and you couldn’t really afford to go and buy something either. You were about to spend the weekend at his place, and if that wasn’t enough on its own, his old roommates were coming over on Saturday.

As if Olivia could sense your troubles from the other room, she comes in and plops down on the bed next to the bag, eyeing it. 

“Pack that set, you know, the one with the-” 

“Isn’t it a bit much?”

She laughs, “I don’t think he’ll complain - but pack a back-up too, then, if it eases your mind”

She got up and started going through your stuff, picking out a couple of items and throwing them haphazardly on your bed. You rushed over, glaring at her as you picked up whatever she threw, folding it nicely again before packing it in your bag.

Mat was pacing in his room.

Not because he was nervous about adding a few new songs in his set tonight - No, he felt perfectly confident about them. And not because you were meeting his friends either, he knew they’d love you. But you were spending the weekend at his place, and while you’d been to his place before, you’d never stayed over. 

He’d cleaned and tidied, then cleaned some more, remade his bed about ten times. He knew his buddies would note that it was uncharacteristically clean - he could hear their chirps in his head already. But, now he was running out of time. You’d be at his place any second now, to leave your bags there before you headed down to the café.

His eyes scanned his room one more time before he sighs out, putting his hands on his waist, running his fingers through his hair before pulling himself away and into the living room to wait for you. 

He doesn’t have to wait long, but it feels like forever as his eyes are glued to the clock. He shoots up the second his doorbell rings, and runs out his door and down the stairs to meet you. 

The second you’re in his view his whole body relaxes, breath evening out, but his heartbeat picks up. He’s dragging you in before you can even say anything - his hand on your cheek as he leads your lips to his in a kiss that makes you drop your bags on the floor, your arms going around his neck, fingers finding his hair. He smiles, breaking away - bumping his nose against yours softly. 

“Hi,” you say in unison. 

Your fingers linger in his hair as you lean back to look at him, “you nervous for tonight?” you ask.

“For the concert?” he asks, a small laugh huffing out.

You nod, watching him intently as he leans into your touch.

“No, not for that” his words make you furrow your brows, a smile still present on your lips

“What do you mean, not for that?”

He glances down at your overnight bags, giving himself away.

“Me too, a little bit” you admit.

“I don’t even know why, you just- It’s like I feel everything so much more when I’m with you, and sometimes when you look at me I can’t even think straight, but it’s also like I’ve never seen so clearly, never been more sure at the same ti-”

You can’t help but kiss him. 

The way his brows move and how he pouts his lips slightly when he’s not sure what to say before he rambles on, too cute to resist. He hums into the kiss, pulling you closer again, breaking away with a slightly embarrassed laugh.

“You’re like never not on my mind, Barzy”

He kisses you again before he moves to grab your bags for you, a clever look in his eyes as he opens his mouth - “you should be the songwriter, not me” he teases, 

You bump your hip against his, rolling your eyes, making him stumble a bit - playfully giving you glare before walking up the stairs. “I personally think Never Not On My Mind would be a great song” you argue playfully. 

He has just enough time to show you around his apartment before the two of you have to go down to the café to meet Daniel and Lucy. He grabs his guitar in one hand, intertwining his fingers with yours with the other.

There’s already a fair few people there as you enter, the lot of them all greeting Mat and he awkwardly raises his guitar to greet them back, refusing to let go of your hand. 

He only lets go as you get to your table, greeting Daniel and Lucy properly with a hug as you do the same. He gives you one last kiss before he gets up on stage to set up and start his soundcheck. 

In the corner of your eye, you see Daniel looking at you, you can’t quite read his look, so you raise a brow and hum quizzically. 

“He looks happy” Daniel nudges his head towards Mat, making you look over at him. As if he senses you looking at him he lifts his head and meets your eyes, a few strands of hair covering his forehead.

“You both do” he continues.

So much has changed in a month and you’re looking at him with new eyes. And he’s looking back at you with a new set of eyes himself. You’d never felt like you were strangers, and to think that a month ago you didn’t even know of him seemed crazy to you both. But, here you were - not thinking straight, but still seeing so clearly.

Mat was excited. Not just to play his new songs, but he felt like his old songs had been given new life, and he was itching to start plucking at the strings on his guitar - to let the words flow into the room, to finally play them to you properly. 

He’d shared snippets with you, sending you short audio files or snaps of him singing, showing you lyrics as he wrote them down in his book. But they were small puzzle pieces and you had no idea what the puzzle looked like. 

You’d lost yourself in the music last time, but this time - you found yourself. Small hints of you and him scattered around in his words. It’s all a whirlwind in your head until he plays the final note of the final song and the room erupts in applause. 

The rest of the world fades out again as soon it faded in when he strides over to you, wrapping his arms around you, spinning you around - a surprised laugh leaving you. 

You stay with Daniel and Lucy for a while after, and you watch him with proud eyes as people come up to him, telling him how much they liked his show. Barry, from your first day in the café, comes up saying he was going to tell everyone he knew about the new songs. You both listen intently as he goes on about the chord progressions and the symbolism in the lyrics. 

When your eyelids start feeling heavy, you leave and Lucy comes with as Daniel stays to help close up. You say goodnight to Lucy with tired voices, Mat makes sure she gets home safe even though she lives only seconds away in the same building. 

As you get ready for bed, the two nervous people from earlier seem like a distant memory. You move around each other like it’s second nature. Sharing smiles in his bathroom mirror as you brush your teeth side by side, hips bumping into each other playfully. Toothpaste dribbling down his chin as he tries not to laugh, making you spit out into the sink, doubling down in laughter. 

Your heartbeat rises as you step into his bedroom, your movements slow as you start to undress. Eyes glued on each other as you take this next step in your relationship. As each layer is peeled off, and your skin is almost bare apart from your underwear, you freeze - taking a moment to really see one another.

Goosebumps form on your arms as the chilly air of his room brushes against your skin. As your arms wrap around yourself to stay warm, he steps closer to you, his hands sliding up from your elbows to your shoulders - his touch warming you instantly. You loosen your arms, fingertips curiously moving across his bare chest, eyes dancing across his skin. 

Your lips meet his as your bodies tangle together, breaths mixing, fingers exploring, hearts melting. You fall into the softness of his bedsheets - your body on fire under his touch, his skin burning from yours. 

As you drift away wrapped up in each other, sleep taking over your bodies, you’ve never been more content. 

Saturday

You drift in and out of sleep in the morning, his arm draped over your waist, keeping you in bed. When you wake up completely, you still stay - basking in the feeling of the warm skin of his chest against your back, his breath on your neck, your fingers tracing patterns on his arm. 

He groans in protest when you move, trying to keep you still, but you manage to turn in his arms to face him. His eyes are still closed, breath still heavy as your fingertips trace his pink lips. The move to his nose, moving over his profile as you admire his sleeping form. It’s when you run your fingers through his hair that he nuzzles into your touch -  finally stirring from his sleep.

His eyes are still closed as he drags you on top of him, “let’s just stay here, yeah?” his groggy voice sends shivers through your body and you can’t protest - sighing as his lips kiss down your neck.

You don’t get out of bed until your stomachs beg you to, and it’s a slow morning on the couch as you wait for his friends to come over. 

Mat’s hesitant to move as his doorbell rings, but you urge him to go open and let them in. You follow after him, a few steps behind as he lets them in.

Anthony, Jordan, and Anders all walk in with smirks on their faces as they scan the room. They look back at Mat and before they can even open their mouths he speaks up - “don’t even say it” he warns, making them chuckle.

“Love what you’ve done with the place” Jordan teases.

“Yeah, so clean,” Anders adds.

“And tidy,” Anthony nods, snickering.

Their eyes then fall on you as Anders speaks your name - “nice to finally meet you” they all agree, patting Mat on his shoulder as they walk into his apartment. They all introduce themselves to you and you repeat their familiar names in your head, trying to connect them to their unfamiliar faces. If it weren’t for Mat’s hand on the small of your back you know you’d feel a bit overwhelmed. 

Before you know it you’re gathered around Mat’s living room table, filling your stomachs with the pizza you ordered, the boys trying not to talk through their chewing as they catch up by telling you all sorts of stories, mostly embarrassing ones on Mat’s behalf. 

Mat doesn’t mind though as he laughs along, even adding details that the guys forgot with a loud cackle.

You clear the pizza boxes away as the guys find their instruments, and you beam at the thought of getting to be a fly on the wall as they play after having heard Mat talk about it so much. Though as you sit down, they don’t go into a world of your own as you’d expected, you’re pulled into it as they start with a “guess the song” game for you.

Anthony starts off by playing a familiar bass line on his acoustic bass guitar, that you recognize instantly, “oh! Another one bites the dust” the words stumble out of your lips, making Mat chuckle at your eagerness 

When Anders gives you a beat on his cajón you have no idea what he’s playing, but as soon as Jordan joins in you can’t help but snort out a laugh as you recognize the melody to Wonderwall - and they laugh as you try to speak up through your laugh.

It’s Mat’s turn and he smiles at you before he starts strumming his guitar, you look around and everyone’s brows are furrowed at first, but it doesn’t take long for the others to pick up what song it is. You’re still lost, however, racking your brain to try to figure it out, you know you’ve heard it and you swear the answer is on the tip of your tongue. When Mat gives you another look, you know what to guess - although you’re not certain.  

“Are you- is this Nickelback?” you laugh, squinting your eyes at him, making Mat stop altogether, giving you an amused look. 

“Yes, this is Nickelback” his serious expression makes you snort out another laugh, having too fun to even care about how it’s the second snort-laugh of the night, but probably not the last.

“I’m a Nickelback fan and I’m proud of it, babe,” he says straight-faced, before starting the song again, his movements exaggerated as he starts singing too. 

As you try to hold your laugh everyone else jumps in singing the lyrics to Rockstar to you. As the chorus comes near you decide to say fuck it, and belt out the lyrics with them - cheers going around the room before the song continues.

You’re out of breath by the time the song finishes and your face hurts from smiling so much, stomach aches from laughing. Mat sets down his guitar next to him, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him - kissing the side of your head. 

You brush your hand up his side, the fabric of his t-shirt moving as your fingers move underneath it, tickling his skin, but he doesn’t shy away from your touch as you move your head to kiss the first spot of his skin you can see - a shiver running down his spine as your lips touch the nape of his neck. 

He wants to play that moment on a loop on his head, but Anthony laughing at something Jordan said drags him out of it - “I’ll never forget when you sang that at karaoke that one night”

“Not my best performance” Mat laughs.

“I beg to differ” Anthony chirps.

It gets late quicker than you want it to, and before you know it you’re hugging Mat’s friends goodbye, wishing them safe travels home. You start to tidy, but Mat brushes your hands away, pulling you to him - “we’ll worry about that tomorrow” he says before lifting you, wrapping your legs around his waist, capturing your lips as he carries you to his bed. 

Sunday

On Sunday Mat wakes up before the sun - if he’d been alone he would have shot up out of bed and grabbed his guitar frantically before the lyrics from his dream slipped out of his mind. But you’re here, and he doesn’t want to wake you, and he knows that all he has to do if he forgets the words is to look at you and they’ll come back to him. So he carefully raises your arm around his waist and sneaks out of bed, his feet padding across his floor to grab his guitar and notebook. He gently sits down at the edge of the bed - laying his phone next to him to record.

You’re woken up as the first light of the day peeks through his windows, bed sheets wrapped around you like a warm hug, his t-shirt soft against your skin.

It’s the sound of his soft humming and the gentle strums of his guitar that wakes you, and you stay quiet as you glance at him sitting on the edge of his bed. You try to piece together what he’s singing, but it’s too hushed - as if he didn’t want you to hear. Your curiosity gets the best of you as you fold away his sheets to sneak up to him, resting your chin on his shoulder, making him stop altogether to look at you - turning slightly to get a better view.

“‘Morning” he smiles.

“How long have you been awake?”

He huffs, squinting his eyes, “uuuh, not sure - you sleep well, baby?”

You nod, leaning in to kiss his lips, humming into the kiss, treading your fingers into his hair. You kiss his cheek before making yourself comfortable behind him.

“What are you writing about?” your eyes scan the scribbles in his notebook.

“You,” 

Your heart swells, hiding your face in his neck - “me?” 

His hand softly urges you to look at him again, “I’m always writing about you.”

A breath hitches in your throat, his eyes never wavering from yours. “Play it for me?” you kiss the spot where his shoulder meets his neck. He nods as you nuzzle into his neck, taking a breath as his fingers find the right grip.

I've been sittin' here, tryna figure out What did I do right to be with you right now?

Worlds Colliding

My Love 💕: I’ll pick you up at 6 x

You checked his text for the tenth time, to be absolutely sure of when he was coming. 

“Breathe” Olivia laughs out, looking at you bouncing your leg, your shoulders tense as your nervousness consumes you. 

Mat’s arriving in 5 minutes.

Mat’s arriving in 5 minutes and you’re going to a restaurant.

Mat’s arriving in 5 minutes and you’re going to a restaurant with his mom and dad and sister, where you would have dinner with his mom and dad and sister. 

This was big, and no matter how many times Mat reassured you that his family would like you, it didn’t ease your mind all too much. Before you can even fill your lungs with air, the doorbell rings and you look over at Olivia desperately, desperate for your nerves to ease, desperate to crawl into a hole and hide. 

Of course he’s early. 

“Breathe,” she says again, “they are going to love you, you have nothing to worry about”.

You focus all you can on taking one deep breath before standing up, taking another deep breath before you make your way to the door.

Mat stands outside your door, Liana pokes his side in excitement as they wait for you. She jumps when the door cracks open and pushes her brother aside to hug you, which you welcome without a second thought. And just like that, your nerves are gone, his parents meet you with warm hugs too before Mat can even speak up to introduce you all. 

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you, we’ve heard a lot about you” his mom, Nadia, beams and his dad, Mike, nods along. “He doesn’t shut up about you” his sister pipes in, hoping to make him blush, but he just smiles and nods to confirm when you look at him. You smile warmly at him, taking his hand that he offers before turning back towards his family - “I’ve heard so much about you too, feels like I already know you”. He squeezes your hand, “should we get going?” 

There’s a chorus of you all agreeing and Mat kisses you softly - you don’t notice his mom emotionally clutching her chest at the sight, pulling herself together as Mat starts leading the way as his sister asks about the menu. 

Before you know it you’re sat around a table, eyes scanning the menu for what to eat as you make conversation.

“We’re sad we couldn’t come to catch one of his shows, hearing his new songs over the phone isn’t quite the same as hearing them in person,” his dad says.

“And there are a lot of them too,” his mom adds, with a gleam in her eye.

“I think he’s found some inspiration” his sister, sitting next to you, bumps her shoulder softly against yours. 

“You could say that” there’s a gleam in Mat’s eyes when he focuses on you.

As you get to know them more you see little pieces from his family that Mat has brought with him to New York - his dad’s competitiveness, his mom’s kindness, and his sister’s ambition. Your heart warms, seeing Mat around his family, so much love in his eyes. You’d always understood why he missed his family, but seeing first hand how close they all were you had to keep yourself from getting lost in a bittersweet feeling - focusing on here and now instead. 

“He was so energetic as a kid - when he was seven months old he was running around the house, and we had to cut bedsheets and tie them around him” Nadia looks at her son fondly, as he shrugs, scratching his neck as he laughs.

“Once he got a little keyboard for his birthday it all changed though - he was still energetic, don’t get me wrong, but he put all his energy into music,” Mike tells you.

“Oh yeah, I’ve seen the garage band photos” you laugh, looking at Liana.

“Oh, he told you how he made me stand there, singing back-up as our neighbors walked past”

“Made you, eh?” Mat scoffs out a laugh, “pretty sure you liked the attention more than I did” 

She pokes her tongue out at him and he returns the favor. 

The conversation shifts as Mat asks how things are at home, and they all update him on all the small and big changes that have happened since he was last there. This store closed, this store opened, their neighbor got a small dog, so and so got married. They explain who’s who to you as they go along talking about life in Coquitlam.

“You should come visit sometime,” Liana exclaims.

“Mat usually comes home around May, you’re more than welcome to come with” his mom adds.

“You’ve got finals in May, no?” Mat asks, and you nod.

“Yeah, so we’d have to come after those” his hand rubs your shoulder as he looks at you - “if you want to of course”

“I’d love to” you squeeze Mat’s thigh before turning towards his family - “we’ll definitely come to visit after my finals”

You all walk slowly on the way home, planning out the rest of their week here. When you reach your door they all give you and Mat some space, because even though you’re going to see each other tomorrow, kiss each other tomorrow, you can never get enough.

You spend the rest of the night talking to Olivia about them - and they spend the rest of theirs talking about you. 

“Then I Met You”

Mat had written so many songs, he had enough for a whole album and then some. He’d filled out his notebook and then another one and another one. He’d gotten some help from Anthony, Jordan, and Anders - recording demos whenever you were busy. They were helping him out tonight for his Friday night show too, and you had no idea.

He wanted to surprise you. 

You’d already heard most of the songs, he couldn’t help himself there, but he’d managed to keep a couple to himself. And you’d only heard the others when it was just him and his guitar - which never failed to give you goosebumps and it never felt like anything was missing to you. But with the help of his friends, every feeling in the songs had been amplified, and he couldn’t wait to play them for you.

You and Olivia were meeting him at the café, you’d been busy studying all day - now currently rushing to be there early even though Lucy and Daniel were holding seats for you at the front. Olivia had surprised you as she was ready to leave only a second after you were, seeming just as eager to get there as you - you were too rushed to notice the secretive smile on her face.

Mat’s setting up the stage when you get there, but your attention is pulled away from him as you hear a familiar voice yell your name. Olivia is already on her way over to your table as you turn your head towards the noise. 

Mat’s head picks up, just in time to see you hug Anthony, a surprised but pleased look on your face as you notice Jordan and Anders too. “What are you guys doing here?” 

“At the bar? Getting drinks” 

“In general? We’re playing” Anders points towards Mat, a drink in both his hands.

“What?” you smile, looking over at Mat, who’s got a smirk on his face which only widens when you make your way over. 

Only then do you notice how the stage is set up with more instruments than usual - “You’re getting the band back together?”

He laughs, “surprise” his words end up sounding like a question as he drops what he’s doing to meet you with a kiss.

Olivia comes up and introduces herself to the other guys, and you overhear her talking about how hard it was for her to keep this secret from you. “Makes sense now” you muse and Mat raises his brows as he takes a sip from the drink Anders brought him. “I was a bit suspicious of how early Olivia was ready to leave” you add and Mat has to stop himself from laughing mid-sip.

You give him one more kiss for good luck and sit down at your table with Lucy, Daniel, and Olivia. You all make small talk until you hear Mat’s signature the-show’s-about-to-start throat clear, watching the lights in the café dim a little. 

“We’ve got a couple more people on stage tonight, if you didn’t notice” the crowd laughs at his silly joke. As he introduces everyone it takes you back to the evening in the living room, how carefree he seems, comfortable - made for this. And they haven’t even started yet. 

“We’ve got a whole new set tonight, and I hope you’ll like it - This first song is called Table 13” he turns his head towards you, winking. Your cheeks flush with warmth as a few eyes drift towards you - as if they didn’t all know that you were dating.

“It’s about someone very dear to me, well they’re all about her, but this one’s about our first date” he starts strumming and the rest of the band joins in. You’re left speechless as the set goes on, every song you hear is your new favorite. You’re in awe of him and his talent, and he can’t take his eyes off of you.

He feels alive, on fire - as long as he feels like this whenever he’s playing, he doesn't care anymore, he doesn’t feel stuck anymore. He could play in this café for the rest of his life as long as you were there with him - he doesn’t need the label and the fame and the tour, he just needs you. 

You hadn’t fixed him, but you’d given him the tools to do it himself and stood by his side while he did so. 

The set is a journey - the story of you and Mat. The band is one with the music and they’re dragging you all with them. Images of your time together flash vividly through your mind as Mat sings the words that are meant for you and you only, and he’s glowing. 

After the last note on the last song the crowd breaks out in applause, the rest of the band comes to the front of the stage to thank the crowd. But Mat’s eyes stay on yours as you stand up with the rest of the crowd. 

In that moment your hearts pour out and melt together into one.

He can’t wait any longer, stepping off the stage, wrapping his arms around you, laughing into your lips as the cheers grow when he kisses you, you don’t care how sweaty his neck is as you grab him to keep him there just a little longer. 

As always, you all stay behind, moving a table and some chairs over to yours to fit the whole band. Mat’s mid-story when Barry comes over to the table, a stranger standing next to him. Mat stands up to meet them both.

“Great show as always, Mathew” he shakes his hand.

“Thank you” Mat smiles

“I want you to meet my friend, Gwen,” Barry continues.

“Loved the show- you don’t happen to have any demos?”

Mat nods, “yeah, we- uh- we have some demos” he briefly looks over at the band. He's a little confused, his mind wants to travel to a hopeful place, but he doesn’t quite let it just yet. 

“Great!” Gwen reaches into her purse, pulling out a business card. “Why don’t you contact me, I might know some people who’ll be interested in hearing it” there’s a gleam in her eye as she hands the card over to Mat

Without even looking at the card Mat says, “Thank you, absolutely I will”

“Enjoy the rest of your night” Barry winks at him before they both make their way out.

You’re quick to jump out of your seat, going over to your boyfriend who’s stuck in his spot, staring down at the card in his hand. He almost can’t believe what he’s seeing, but as you stand next to him, your hand wrapping around his bicep you mumble the words on the card, he knows it’s real. 

Someone from a record company had seen the show.

Someone from a record company had seen the show and they wanted him to contact them so they could hear his demos.

“Baby, I’m so proud of you” your voice shakes him out of his own head. And he’s a little overwhelmed as he looks over at you. 

“None of this- I swear, none of this would be possible without you.” he rushes, pressing his lips hard against yours. You wrap your arms over his shoulders and he presses his forehead against yours, noses brushing against each other. As you tug on his hair at the nape of his neck he leans back, needing to get something off his chest.

“I felt stuck and then I met you and you broke me loose. I was longing for something-, someone and then I met you” he catches his breath, his thumb caressing your cheek as he looks ardently into your eyes - “I love you- so much”

Your eyes tear up, and you don’t hesitate to say, “I love you more”

“Not possible” he laughs, leaning in again.

Epilogue

His hand is in yours as you walk down the broad hallway, following a man in a snapback. The noise around you, though muffled, is loud and a bit overwhelming. Your hearts are racing as you get closer and closer, the noise growing louder and louder.

Everyone you pass, reach their hand out and Mat bumps his fist against theirs as he passes, a small laugh leaving him. 

You follow the snapback man and walk through an open door, the noise is almost too loud for you to hear each other now, but as he embraces you in a hug, his lips to your ear, you hear him loud and clear.

“I love you most”

“I love you mostest” you giggle.

You hold on to him still as you give him his good luck kiss, before he and his band are rushed out onto the stage. Tens of thousands of screams grow even louder as they come into their view.

He starts plucking on his guitar, his eyes scanning the crowd as he takes it all in with a deep breath. He turns his head to find you again, and the noise of the crowd fades away when he sees you. 

Then it’s as if you’re back in the café, just the two of you. 

The smile you share is like a secret you share that no one else knows - I love you, I’m so proud of you.

[monkberries]

They dealt with all of the above. Ringo was treated as a joke for pretty much everything, especially since this was the era of prog rock. His personal life was also tabloid fodder. George was derided as being a dour spiritual nut who was out of touch. He along w/ Ringo didn't get the respect he deserved as a guitarist bc his style wasn't in at the time & people knew little about his role in The Beatles. All credit went to Lennon/McCartney. 1/2

John had the benefit of having the rebel genius image, but even he became a source of ridicule with all the stunts he pulled with Yoko and the way his career declined after Imagine. He wasn't deified to the degree he was in the 80s. I'm not trying to say Paul never had a hard time, but the way this fandom talks as if he is the only one who faced extreme criticism or disrespect just tells me they haven't looked much into the other Beatles' lives. The man is more admired than most musicians. 2/2

(IDK if this screenshotted anons were from the same person or not, but I’ll just answer them in this one since it’s all the same subject.)

Here’s what I think is valid, as I see it: Paul fans are upset by the way his music was treated by the music press, especially in the first few years of the 70s, while the music of the other three were generally given at least the benefit of the doubt. They’re not upset about the tabloid gossip, the purely personal stuff – they are upset, specifically and with good reason, at the way Paul’s music was treated and the way the music world’s personal dislike of him seeped into their music reviews. I’m gonna focus in on 1970 through the end of 1974, since this is where a lot of the complaints spawn from, and things start to shift in a big way in 74. You didn’t ask but contemporary writings about their early solo music is something I’m fascinated by anyway and you turned the wind-up toy key in my back, so. Off I go. This is gonna be so, so long.

At different points in the decade, all of them were subject to a sullying of their personal reputations. That is where I do agree with you: all of them were subjected to that by the press, to varying degrees, at varying times, and for various reasons for each of them. That is just what happens to public figures the longer they are public figures. Tabloids mess with everyone no matter how beloved they are. 

However, that’s not what I generally see Paul fans getting upset about. What I see is that they’re upset at the way the much more legitimate and widely respected music press approached Paul’s music and talent in general. It is widely received knowledge now that the critics treated Paul’s music differently than they did John’s and George’s and even Ringo’s; the trashing was not “equal.” They came at John and George with the assumption that their talent was real and ongoing outside of the Beatles, their genius unquestionable, their motives pure and well-intentioned and honest. Paul was not afforded these assumptions. Some examples to show what I mean, most of them found through wikipedia, rocksbackpages, or rollingstone.com.

John

Plastic Ono Band was Robert Christgau’s number one album of 1970 in The Village Voice. from Creem’s review: “John's record, of course, has been righteously raved over ever since its release, justifiably. It's interesting and even enlightening to see a man working out his trauma on black plastic but more than that, it's totally enthralling to see that Lennon has once again unified, to some degree, his life and his music into a truly whole statement.” From High Fidelity’s review: "a tremendously exciting listening experience, perhaps the best any Beatle has ever offered." In their Imagine review, Rolling Stone called POB “perfect.” A couple reviews in the mainstream were more mixed, put off a little by the rawness of it, but overall the rock world quickly grew to see this album as a work of genius.

Imagine was even more widely well-reviewed, despite a mixed review from Rolling Stone (John fell out with Jann Wenner around this time, curiously). Here’s a passage from rateyourmusic.com: “Imagine was actually one of the most critically acclaimed albums of the year, aside from this tepid review in Rolling Stone. Indeed, much of the rock press seemed palpably relieved that the former Beatle hadn't gone completely off the deep end. ‘It's the best album of the year, and for me it's the best album he's done, with anything, or with anyone, at any time,’ Roy Hollingworth wrote in the 10/9/71 issue of Melody Maker. ‘The album is superb,’ Alan Smith agreed in the 9/11/71 issue of NME. ‘Beautiful. One step away from the chill of his recent total self-revelation, and yet a giant leap towards commerciality without compromise...I have no criticism at all.’”

Some Time in New York City was admittedly John’s nadir, and the press was vicious about it, both personally and musically, deeming the album egotistical, lacking in energy, and devoid of sincerity. However, many maintained a reverence for the genius that came before it and hopeful encouragement for the future. Rolling Stone said that “The Lennons should be commended for their daring;” Creem said it wasn’t half bad; and even though NME’s article was scathing, it ended with a plea for John to return to form, saying, “Don't rely on cant and rigidity. Don't alienate. Stimulate. You know, like you used to.”

Mind Games, though reviews were mixed, fared far better in comparison. Again, there is a hopeful tone to the reviews, a sureness that John can do better. From Rolling Stone talks about the music being a return to POB form, but the writing is his worst yet; however, Landau qualifies this by saying the lyrics aren’t “offensive, per se, just misguided... [John Lennon’s admirers] might even be able to withstand something more challenging” and then praises John’s voice, his production, and a few individual songs. In Melody Maker, Ray Coleman says, “if you warm to the rasping voice of Lennon and, like me, regard him as the true fulcrum of much of what came from his old group, then like any new Lennon album, it will be enjoyable and even important.” Christgau is more middling but also says, “Still, the single works, and let's hope he keeps right on stepping.”

Walls and Bridges seems confusing to reviewers in retrospect. They couldn’t seem to come to a consensus on it. The musicianship was widely praised, for the most part, though Rolling Stone criticized the first side on this front; reviewers alternately said it was “the latest chapter in John Lennon’s Identity Crisis” (Creem) and “truly a superb album by any standards” (Melody Maker). Throughout the Rolling Stone review, the author is able to thoroughly critique the songs, for better or worse, with a neutral affect and without resorting to insulting John personally. He ends the review on a positive note: “When one accepts one’s childhood, one’s parenthood and the impermanence which lies between, one can begin to slog along. When John slogs, he makes progress.” Again, even though the reviews aren’t all positive, we can see, especially and most importantly in the most influential rock magazine of the time, the acknowledgment of his talent, a sense of excitement for what John will do next, and a belief that his work is authentic and honest.

George

All Things Must Pass, I mean. Apart from a couple of outliers like Christgau in The Village Voice (he called it “overblown fatuity”), it was incredibly, almost universally beloved by the music press when it came out. There was quite a bit of surprise that such a talent had been under everyone’s noses all this time, but I don’t think anon is quite correct that all the credit for the Beatles went to Lennon/McCartney. For example, Ben Gerson in Rolling Stone recognized George’s talent within the Beatles like this: “Up until now, George has been perhaps the premier studio musician among rock band guitarists. From the electronic whine which began “I Feel Fine” to the break in “Hard Day’s Night” to the crazed, sitar-influenced burst on “Taxman,” George exhibited an avant-garde imagination and a technical flawlessness, as well as the ability to stay within the bounds of a song, which has remained unparalleled.” In Melody Maker, the feeling of journalists was summed up thusly: hearing the album was “the rock equivalent of the shock felt by pre-war moviegoers when Garbo first opened her mouth in a talkie: Garbo talks! – Harrison is free!" The personal nature and honesty of the lyrics were praised as well; Time described it as an “expressive, classically executed personal statement.” Ben Gerson did call his proselytizing offensive, but in the next sentence says that George redeems himself from that with the personal plea in Hear Me Lord.

Concert for Bangla Desh - again, some cynicism from Christgau in The Village Voice (must have woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day) and of course tax issues dogged it later, but overall, for the rock press at the time, this was a crowning achievement that George pulled off. He was praised all over the press, countercultural and mainstream, for his live musical talent, the group of musicians that joined him, the lack of political motivation, the sincerity and goodwill, and George’s ability to bring back  "a brief incandescent revival of all that was best about the Sixties" (Rolling Stone). To this day he is credited with creating the model for future charity concerts. 

Living in the Material World - Nothing could have topped the one-two punch of ATMP and the Concert for Bangla Desh, but honestly, LITMW came pretty close for some journalists. Rolling Stone again praised George’s honesty and authenticity: “ Despite the occasional use of “psychedelic puns,” Harrison’s lyrics are so guileless they convey an extraordinary sincerity that transcends questions of craftsmanship. Similarly, the devotions we are called upon to share with Harrison, though they communicate no specific, private torment, do have the authenticity of overheard prayers and are therefore sacred.” Melody Maker said, "Harrison has always struck me before as simply a writer of very classy pop songs; now he stands as something more than an entertainer. Now he's being honest." The pushback against his pious attitude and lyrics picked up some steam with this album, particularly with Christgau (again) and Tony Tyler of NME, who called it “so damn holy I could scream.” However, it was far from the consensus opinion at the time, and with the biggest rock magazine in the world at your back, you can withstand quite a bit.

Dark Horse, oof. That poor man. It did get some positivity in Billboard and Melody Maker, but my god, the reviews for this album and its subsequent tour were so cruel. I suspect when these anon(s) talk about the others being treated terribly by the press as well, this, along with John’s STINYC, is one of the examples they would give, and they’re not wrong about that. This was the point where George’s piety and what they perceived as a sanctimonious attitude finally started really getting to everyone, and the album plus the tour was the perfect opportunity to dogpile on him. I guess it was to be expected; no one can ride that high forever, and the press loves to knock people over and kick them while they’re down. Rolling Stone called it “disastrous,” “shoddy,” and called his guitar work “rudimentary,” eventually declaring that George had “never been a great artist.” This from the same magazine that was practically worshipping at his feet the year before. Yowch.

Ringo

Sentimental Journey - The less that’s said about this album, the better.

Beaucoups of Blues was actually quite well-received. No one called him a genius for it, and it wasn’t a serious personal record and therefore wasn’t treated that way, but journalists seemed uniquely able to let themselves enjoy this record despite the serious/political/personal tone of most musicians at the time. Melody Maker believed Ringo had  "conviction and charm" and that because of that, the album stripped away the serious “hip posturing” and let you just enjoy the music on its own terms. The Village Voice said that Ringo was “good at making himself felt.” Although Rolling Stone’s tone was a bit more cruel than other magazines (there was a crack somewhere in there that Ringo wasn’t as smart as John), it also called him lovable and the record “a real winner” where the songs “sound terrific.”

Ringo was a total smash and I think people forget this. It’s remembered only because it’s an album that was worked on by all four Beatles, but actually, the critics fuckin loved it. Ringo was praised in Rolling Stone for his unpretentiousness, sensibility, and essentially collaborative nature: “Ringo was always the figure of conciliation within the Beatles, undoubtedly the most genial, conceivably the most sensible, and the one with the smallest musical axe to grind. His very lapses bespoke the esteem in which the others held him; had they not liked him so much, those perfectionists would never have allowed him to sing. Perhaps because as the drummer he stood outside the process of creation, he had the best perspective from which to see the Beatles as a unity. Ringo has never had any pretense of self-sufficiency. Once he had gotten his special projects out of the way (projects for which John, Paul and George's talents would have been unsuited anyway) Ringo was ready to call upon the three most obvious people to assist him with writing, singing and playing. As Starr's first "pop album," Ringo signifies a homecoming, not just of family, but in musical style as well.”

Goodnight Vienna was kind of a minor album for Ringo, but still, reviews were pretty good. Rolling Stone praised his “unalloyed sincerity which is his trademark and trump card.” Yet again, we see the theme of authenticity popping up in these reviews - if you are perceived as authentic, honest, and sincere, that takes you a long way with music reviewers in this time period, and Ringo was nothing if not wholly, completely himself.

Paul

McCartney - One of the main complaints of Paul fans is that Jann Wenner forced Langdon Winner, the author of the review for this album in Rolling Stone, to rewrite his article and put a more negative spin on it. The result is that Winner praised most of the music but totally undermined his own praise by questioning the authenticity of the tone and deriding the press release that came with the album as much as he praised the music. He ends the article like this: “I like McCartney very much. But I remember that the people of Troy also liked that wooden horse they wheeled through their gates until they discovered that it was hollow inside and full of hostile warriors.” This was a huge blow at a time when personal authenticity and substance were considered paramount. Melody Maker also questioned the legitimacy of his genius, saying “With this record, [McCartney's] debt to George Martin becomes increasingly clear.” Most other reviews weren’t any better.

Ram, I mean, Jesus Christ the reviews for this. It’s a widely respected album now, even made the RS top 500 albums of all time list last year, but at the time people were still so angry with Paul for supposedly breaking up the Beatles that they were still taking it out on his music a year later (imo). Landau in Rolling Stone called it “emotionally vacuous” and said it lacked conviction, saying also that it was “so incredibly inconsequential and so monumentally irrelevant you can’t even [hate it]; it is difficult to concentrate on, let alone dislike or even hate.” NME called it “the worst thing Paul McCartney has ever done.” Threaded through these reviews is a belief that the songs are devoid of meaning and that Paul’s happy domestic front is just a frustrating lie; Christgau in The Village Voice said he was “infuriated by the McCartneys' modern young-marrieds image” - infuriated because he clearly doesn’t believe it, rendering Paul dishonest and his music inauthentic. Once again journalists are unable to review Paul’s music without sniping about him as a person.

Wild Life - Though the situation remains largely the same - reviewers refuse to take him seriously, believe anything he says, or treat his musical talent as anything but vacuous fluff - the reviews aren’t quite as bad as they were for Ram and a bit of positivity begins to stir. It’s evident especially in the Rolling Stone review, where Mendelsohn wonders if Paul is making crappy fluff on purpose to piss John off because it will sell just as well anyway. It’s not much, and on top of the fairly strong criticism there is almost no hope for future Paul releases: “My own conviction is that we'd be foolish to expect anything much more earth-shaking than Wild Life out of McCartney for a good long while... In the meantime the reader is advised to either develop a fondness for vacuous but unpretentious pop music or look elsewhere for musical pleasure.” But it’s something.

Red Rose Speedway Paul continues to be lambasted by a lot of the press on this album for being lightweight and having no meaning behind his songs (at this point it’s just repetitive to quote the articles, just trust me that they say basically the same thing they were saying for the past three albums too), BUT I think a nuance that gets forgotten in all of this is that Rolling Stone gave it kind of a decent review. It seems like they finally quit gatekeeping and realized that songs don’t need to have some deep personal meaning to be good. Kaye is still not very nice about Paul’s lyrics but he recognizes that he doesn’t have to take Paul’s music on the same terms as he takes John and George. Paul’s music is less personal, but that doesn’t make it unworthy. He calls it “pleasant, accessible without concentration” and praises Paul’s voice and arranging skills. It feels like for this album, Rolling Stone took the stick out of its own ass when it came to Paul and finally relaxed enough to receive Paul’s music on his terms rather than theirs. Which, imo, primed the rock world for...

Band on the Run, Paul’s comeback. Even though Christgau in The Village Voice remained unconvinced (he called it “a pleasant piece of hackwork”), almost everyone else adored it. It seems weird to us now, but the general sentiment seemed to be that people were surprised by how good this album was. NME said, “The ex-Beatle least likely to re-establish his credibility and lead the field has pulled it off with a positive master-stroke”; and although Landau’s review in Rolling Stone overflowed with praise, he also said, “I'm surprised I like Band on the Run so much more than McCartney's other solo albums because, superficially, it doesn't seem so different from them.” 

I hope I’ve been able to demonstrate a general trajectory with the musical reputation of each Beatle here. John starts off on two incredible high points, crashes and burns, and then works his way back up. He DEFINITELY missed with STINYC, but even when he followed it up with Mind Games, there was still a hopeful tone to the reviews, sort of like, “Ah, well, the last two weren’t great but we’re still looking forward to what John will give us next.” Until the Dark Horse tour/album, which did sour the press on poor George, the music press adored him. It was hit after hit with him. He could not miss. Three high points, one after the other, then a monumental crash. Ringo seems to stay fairly high, even if the records aren’t serious records. All three of them start out incredibly well, and the music press was able and willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Paul was given none of that. Perhaps because he was out of step with the attitudes about music at the time, perhaps because journalists hated him for breaking up the Beatles, perhaps because they believed John when he painted Paul as “establishment,” perhaps a combination - whatever their issue was, Paul was given no benefit of the doubt to start with, no faith in his genius, and no belief in his authenticity. He was just a hack to the music press for the first few years of the 70s; he started at the bottom and was forced to work his way up, unlike the other three. It started, imo, when Wenner forced the journalist who wrote the McCartney review in RS to rewrite the article, and it spiraled from there. He was seen as hollow and uncool, as one of the anons said, “straight” in the parlance of the time - straight meaning “establishment.” This is kind of where I do start to roll my eyes a little bit at stans, when they get upset at people calling him “establishment” and trying to prove that actually he was so anti-establishment that people couldn’t handle it or whatever, without trying to understand what the word “anti-establishment” meant at the time. But there are also really substantive arguments you can make that say Paul’s music was not taken seriously because of a personal grudge against him.

I’m not saying that all of them didn’t have run-ins with the music press. I’m saying there is nuance here that I don’t think these anons are allowing for in the first few years of that decade. They came at George and John and Ringo with a positive, or at least neutral, slant most of the time. They came at Paul with a negative one. Case in point are the reviews of Band on the Run that were surprised at how good it was. That stuff gets people’s hackles up. The others didn’t have positive reviews rewritten to be more negative. The others didn’t have albums savaged that are now on the Rolling Stone top 500 albums of all time list. I do agree that John, at least, and George post Dark Horse, had a harder time with the music press than people generally remember or care to think about – deification is retroactive, I guess, and as Paul fans we should definitely recognize that Paul wasn’t the only one who went through a rough time with the press. But I do think Paul’s situation was made uniquely and unjustifiably difficult for those first few years.

I mean, at the same time, I cannot stress enough how much this did not affect his bottom line. Despite the horrible reviews, Ram still made a ton of money, McCartney made a ton of money, Band on the Run and Wild Life and Red Rose Speedway all made a ton of money. He had a fanbase, a huge one, that followed him loyally and faithfully through the early 70s as he was getting savaged by the press, and through the middle and late 70s when he was touring. At some point, you have to step back and go, wait. Why does any of this matter? This was 50 years ago. He was a multi-millionaire then and is a billionaire now. And you are right; whenever people over-generalize and try to make the case that Paul was always badly reviewed and the others were press darlings, I tend to get annoyed because they’re totally missing the actually interesting nuances of the situation (that can be easily found online! I found most of the music reviews through snippets on Wikipedia!) In conclusion, I guess my point is that both “Paul was vilified while everyone else wasn’t” and “everyone was equally vilified” paint the events of the early 70s with brushes that are too broad and miss the nuance that was evident in the way the press interacted with their music.

[bethansfandoms]

a meet ugly (like meet cute but def not cute) whereas the lads meet in a mosh pit of a rock concert but someone breaks someone else’s nose by accident while dancing and they get to know eachother and then boom they’re dating (idk if this makes sense)

“Come on Remus it’ll be fun!” Lily said, grabbing his hand.

Remus didn’t quite see how it’d be ‘fun.’ He hadn’t even wanted to go to this stupid festival. He especially had no interest in watching this specific band, let alone to stand in close proximity to random strangers and jump around to a song he wasn’t particularly enjoying.

“Marlene is in there all by herself, come on I said we wouldn’t leave her,” pleaded Lily.

“I’m not stopping you! I’ll stay here.”

“No because then you’d be alone, silly. If we loose you we probably won’t find you again until this evening back at the tents!”

Remus groaned in frustration and refrained from commenting on how the situation she’d described sounded pretty ideal. He downed the rest of his drink and followed Lily into the crowd.

Remus’s preconceptions to the horrors of a mosh pit had been entirely correct. It was hideous.

Lily and Marlene were jumping enthusiastically and screaming along. Remus had taken to bobbing rather awkwardly and trying to stay out of everybody’s way, a task that proved most impossible.

It seemed he was pointlessly apologising to everyone he bumped into every few seconds, not that they could hear him over the music, which he still considered rather awful.

“Lily i’m gonna go,” Remus shouted at her a couple of songs later.

“What?” she yelled back.

“I’ll be in my tent!”

Lily pouted but let him go, they could hardly hear each other anyway so there was no way she’d convince him to stay.

He awkwardly shuffled through the crowd, avoiding everyone he could and muttering “excuse me,” as he forced his way through.

A large group of girls didn’t seem to hear his plead to get out of the way so he spun around to try and find a different route out.

Unfortunately he span right into a man’s elbow.

Remus’s eyes began to water because of the sheer impact of it. He clapped a hand over his nose which was now bleeding and staggered slightly.

“Nice job, dickhead,” a voice nearby shouted.

“Piss of James! Are you okay?” Remus’s vision seemed to take a while to focus on the man speaking to him. He had long, dark black hair and his grey eyes were full of concern.

“You don’t look too good, mate.”

Remus couldn’t really form a response. His head had gone all fuzzy and his legs felt weak.

Suddenly an arm was around his torso and Remus was being guided out of the crowd, his hand still clutching his bleeding nose.

“Shit,” the man who was half carrying him muttered, “first aid tent, first aid tent,” he spun slowly on the spot trying to get his barrings. “Ah, yes.”

He quickly walked them further and further away from the stage.

“I am so sorry!” he said as soon as they were far enough away to hear each other. “I didn’t see you there.”

“It’s okay,” Remus mumbled, his hand obscuring his mouth slightly. “Didn’t see you either.”

The first aid tent was set up, thankfully, not too far away from the main stage. A woman with a name tag reading ‘Poppy’ rushed over to them.

“What happened here?” she asked, rummaging around in a cool box before handing Remus an ice pack.

“I elbowed him in the face,” the dark haired man explained, “not on purpose,” he added quickly.

Remus couldn’t really elaborate on the situation much as one hand was holding a tissue to his nose, the other an ice pack.

“Are you two here together?” Poppy asked, indicating for Remus to sit down.

“No, don’t even know the guy. What’s your name?”

“Remus,” he replied as best he could.

“I’m Sirius. I’m also really sorry about your nose, it’s not broken or anything is it?”

Poppy knelt down next to Remus and lifted the ice pack to examine it. “Actually, I think it might be.”

Remus sighed, “brilliant, that’s really topped off my weekend.”

“I- i’m so sorry,” Sirius said again, “but hey, I mean, it doesn’t look too bad, right Poppy?”

Remus had a distinct feeling that it probably didn’t look great.

“Okay Remus,” Poppy said, “i’m just going to apply sone tape to your nose so it’ll heal faster. This may hurt a bit.”

After a while, the bleeding had mostly stopped and Poppy seemed to have done everything she could to his nose. “Right, you’re good to go,” she announced. “Just try not to knock it or anything. If you need any more help you know where to find us. It should heal within a few weeeks. probably worth going to your local A and E once you’re back home though.”

Remus thanked her and walked out the tent, Sirius close behind.

“I really am sorry.”

“Stop apologising, probably my fault, I did sort of walk into you.”

“Yeah...” Sirius said slowly, “you’re right it’s totally your fault.”

Remus shoved him gently which set the shorter man off laughing.

“I’m kidding. Let me make it up to you! There’s a bar somewhere right? Let me buy you a drink.”

Remus almost laughed, most people in this scenario would just apologise and have it over and done with. Sirius had not only gone with him to the first aid tent but was now offering to buy him drinks.

“Make it two drinks and you have a deal.”

Sirius grinned, “two drinks it is!”

“Throw in a new nose whilst you’re there?”

Sirius laughed, “no can do i’m afraid. You look fine stop stressing.”

“I look like i’ve been in a fight!”

“You look like you lost a fight,” Sirius muttered.

“I’m kidding,” he added upon seeing Remus’s unimpressed look, “you look cute. Right, drinks?”

If Remus hadn’t known better, he’d have thought that this stranger who broke his nose was actually flirting with him.

Sirius was, however, good looking. Good looking guys didn’t fall for Remus Lupin. He shrugged it off and followed Sirius to the bar.

Later on it made a pretty funny story when they had to answer the standard couple question of “so how did you two meet.”

James actually threw it in his best man speech years later.

[harringtonstudios]

games.

plot: it’s always been back and forth between you two.

A/N: idk :/ something different for anon. tell me how you feel abt it <3

masterlist!

taglist: @iamdorka @no-shxt-sherl @bakerkells @findingmyths @rosegoldrichie​ @mayaslifeinabox​ @itjustkindahappenedreally @hnbtx @backoftheroomandnotbelonging​ 

“Come over.” 

It’s a text popping up on your phone as you shift on your couch, eyes glazed after taking a couple of hits of a joint you had saved up. You breathe a little, adjust yourself again on the couch as the light coming off your television screen illuminates the way your fingers hover over your keyboard.

“No,” you text back after a minute, throwing your phone to the side and grabbing your blanket from the foot of the couch. Pulling it up to your chin, you let the Netflix show wash over you, eyes softly falling closed as the dialogue drones on. 

Five minutes later, you’re jolted awake, phone ringing somewhere around you. Scuffling around your blanket, you reach under your legs, pulling out the culprit of the noise. The name flashes across the screen and you immediately groan, deciding to let it ring out to voicemail. 

Lying back down, you bring your eyes to the show, realizing you have no idea what’s going on anymore. Your phone buzzes against your side again and you grab it, fully aware who’s been blowing up your notifications. 

“Y/N, c'mon.”

“Just come over”

“Pick up”

“I know you’re up. Stop ignoring me,” the last one reads and you groan before deciding to text back. 

“What do you want Colson,” you type out, sending it before you can talk yourself out of it. 

“You.”

The text comes in and you smirk just a little before remembering you’re supposed to be annoyed at him. The credits of the episode start rolling, and at that moment you realize you know how exactly tonight’s going to end. 

-

Getting off the couch, you move to your bedroom, pulling on a pair of old sweatpants and a stolen hoodie before grabbing your keys. Strolling down the stairs of your apartment complex, you walk into the California air, taking in the chill of the night around you. 

This little game of back and forth had been happening for too long, and you were so determined to put a stop to it last time. But then, he’d kissed you just right and the next thing you knew, you were back in his bed, waking up with the sounds of the birds flying outside his window. 

For almost a year, you two had been playing along. Ending up in each other’s bed after parties, concerts you went to, even a family get-together you had hosted one night. That’s all it would be though, just beds, quick sessions in the bathroom of that one club, mornings filled with quiet moans and warm sheets. You’d fallen into an accidental friends-with-benefits situation, but you and Colson weren’t friends and these benefits were wearing thin. 

As you got into your car, you took a moment to pause and remind yourself exactly why you were driving to the middle of the Hills at night. This was the last time you’d let yourself be back in this position, he wouldn’t be able to call you after this. You were tired of it, tired of leaving early mornings without your head on straight, tired of having your thoughts constantly filled with what Colson was gonna do next. Just tired. 

-

You drove the trek up to his house in the Hills, letting the soft beats of your music library calm you down. There hadn’t been any new texts from him, no phone calls lighting up your screen, and it dawned on you, he probably wasn’t even expecting you anymore. Biting down the sour taste that rose in your throat from the idea of him calling on anyone else, you pulled into the always packed driveway.

Not even bothering to knock, you walked into the house, sighing at the mess you could already spot from the entranceway. No one seemed to be around in the main living room, and even though voices flowed over from the kitchen, you decided to take your chances and go straight upstairs. 

Walking into his bedroom, you smiled just a little, seeing Colson’s head propped up as he sat with his back leaning on his bed, guitar in hand. Hearing the soft strums, you moved closer, until you were standing right next to him. 

He looked up, eyes meeting yours and you bit your bottom lip, seeing the redness etched into his pupils. 

“Wasn’t expecting you to come,” he mumbled out softly, looking back down, eyes trained on the view from his window. 

“Yeah, well I’m here,” you responded, crossing your arms. You really weren’t in the mood to play any more games, words itching to crawl out of your throat on their own. 

“Wanna sit?” he gestured right across from him with the neck of his guitar.

“Not really,” you uttered back, already feeling antsy. 

He looked up at that, glaring at you for a second and you suddenly snapped, “Look, why’d you call me over man?”

“I thought it was pretty self-explanatory,” he scoffed out, hand stilled on his guitar, and you could hear the anger laced in his words. 

“We called it off last time. I told you I wasn’t doing this anymore,” you spat out, hand reaching up to run across your forehead. 

“Did we? Cause the only thing I remember is you begging me for more,” he smirked, guitar fully placed on the ground, as he pushed himself up. 

You bit your tongue, the slight amount of leverage you had gone now that he was standing in front of you, taller than you could ever be. Faltering, you took a step back from him. 

“Colson, I’m done. With you, with this shit, done,” you exclaimed, seeing the fire in his eyes suddenly roar. 

“I say when we’re done,” he shot back, voice going low as he reached towards you. 

“Not this time,” you shook your head, turning away from his to cross the room. 

You took a couple of steps away when you heard, “We’re good at this.”

You scoffed, knowing exactly what this was. This wasn’t the second or even third time you both had fought to walk away from each other. Somehow, you would end up in the same orbit, never too far away from each other. 

“Fuck you Colson,” you whispered out, letting the words fall from your mouth before actually leaving his room. 

-

You felt your eyes start to burn, pressure pounding behind your forehead as you walked down the stairs. 

“Oh shit, Y/N, you’re here?” you heard a voice question, and you looked up to see Baze standing there, spatula in hand.

“Um, yeah no,” you started, faltering off as he continued, “I would’ve made more chicken if I knew.”

“No, it’s cool. I’m leaving. Enjoy your chicken dude,” you waved off, desperately hoping that he wouldn’t see the way your eyes were lighting up. 

He mumbled out something else, but then you could hear Colson coming down the staircase, and you turned away, eager to leave before anything else could be said. 

-

Getting into your car, you took out your keys, struggling to fit them into the start position. You could feel your hands shaking and the pounding in your head felt even worse as your vision started to get blurry, tears smudging your glasses.

“Fuck,” you whispered, dropping your keys before resting your head on the steering wheel. Your heartbeat was thumping out of your chest, and you shakily reached for your keys, hand rubbing against the carpet of your interior car. 

There was a knock against your window and you stifled a sob, looking up through the wet lens of your glasses. Colson was wearing a hoodie, but you could still recognize his silhouette and you wiped off your face. Another knock, this one lighter with his knuckles tapping against the glass. You opened your door. 

“Oh, um,” he muttered out.

“Yeah, sorry I dropped my keys,” you mumbled, feeling the wetness of your tears as soon as you opened your mouth. 

“Come back in?” he asked, and you could hear the underlying desperation in his voice.

“No. I can’t. Colson, you know I can’t,” you rambled out, hands running up to your hair in frustration. 

“Y/N, please, just come in,” and his voice cracked.

“Give me your hand,” you whispered out, not willing to process exactly how his voice had sounded.

He licked his lips before dropping one of his hands towards you. Reaching up a little, you grabbed onto it, feeling the warmth of his fingers against yours. Breathing out, you used your other hand to grab the keys from the floor, finally spotting them. 

He tugged a little at your joined hands, as if knowing the debate going on in your mind. You caved, again. 

Getting up, you closed the car door and he pulled you in, both arms tightening around you in a hug. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled into your hair, lips softly kissing the crown of your head. You let a breath against his shoulder, further burying your face into his neck. 

“I fucked up and I keep fucking up,” he murmured and you lifted your head off of him, pushing back a little so you could see his face.

“Hey,” you started, eyes locking with his blue ones, “we both keep fucking up. This isn’t on one of us, okay?”

Your hands reached up to his shoulders, tapping your fingers against him, you knew exactly what to do now.

“I’m going to go home now. I’ll call you tomorrow and when we’re both feeling better, we can talk yeah?” you mumbled out, squeezing down just a little on his shoulder. 

“Stay with me,” he responded, forehead moving down to brush against yours. 

“Colson,” you whispered, knowing that if you broke into his resolve, you wouldn’t be able to stay away. 

There was a beat of silence, quiet filling up the air around you. You could feel his hands on your hips, your own fingers laying against his shoulders. His eyes were closed, messy hair softly brushing against your exposed forehead. You could almost hear the thoughts rushing through his mind, knowing what he said next would make or break this. 

“Yeah, okay,” he let out after a few moments. 

Taking in a second to soak all this in, you took a step back, putting space in between you both yet again. 

“Take time to breathe,” you mumbled, playing with your car keys as he stood there, hands by his side. 

Opening your door, you slid back into the car, feeling just a little bit better at the whole situation. Plugging in your keys, you turned the engine on, wet laughing a little as your music immediately started playing. 

You rolled down your window, shouting out, “Go back in!” as Colson smiled at you from his spot in the driveway. 

Inching back out on the road, you let reality sink in. Tomorrow you would wake up, feeling better prepared to take this on and you were certain of that. This time around you drove back home, finally ready for a good night’s sleep alone. 

[softstraykidsimagines]

Stray Kids Reaction: You tear up because he accidentally hurt you.

A/N: Another angsty one god save me  T~T

MASTERLIST

Chan

i dont wanna do this So I think he would accidentally hit you while angry, not at you but pissed about something k? He was walking away from you as you tried to follow him and calm him down. At some point he got riled up again and swung around, not realizing how close you were and striking you across the face with the back of his hand. Also, because he had raised his voice, you got upset and started tearing up, covering the area on your cheek where he’d hit you. He quickly came to his senses and tried to take care of you.

“I’m-I’m so sorry, y/n.... I wasn’t paying attention- I know the ice feels like shit but I don’t want you to get a bruise...”

Woojin

o wow ok ur rly gonna ask me to do this to my angel and myself alright then I think he’d accidentally hit you too hard when he was too excited. cant control his strength u get me? If you were hanging out with the rest of the boys, and idk Jisung breathed and everyone was yelling and laughing, and being crazy being SKZ. And Woojin meant to playfully hit you but accidentally used a bit too much muscle and ended up hitting you hard enough to leave bruises. Your eyes started watering mostly because your body was naturally reacting to the pain and Woojin noticed in a tic. He immediately hugged you so tightly apologizing softly as the other boys quieted down a little, getting the fact that it was getting to rowdy.

“Omg I’m so so sorry! Are you okay? I really didn’t mean to hit so hard, I’m so so so sorry...” It took an awful long time and a lot of reassurance on your part for him to forgive himself.

Minho

The dude probably accidentally bitch slapped you who tf knows. So you thought it was smart and funny to hide behind a corner in the JYP building SEngmiN iN ThE bUiLDinG and scare Minho as he was rounding the corner. Little did you know, he actually had very apt self-defense instincts. So when you did jump out at him, he literally fucking tried to karate chop you. Ended up actually smacking you. Hard. You were so shocked that you started to tear up, and the dude had the audacity to feel indignant.

“Well what were you expecting?? For me to squeal and fall?” But he eventually forgave you especially when you revealed you’d brought food and tried to stop you from crying, even though you were now smiling with teary eyes at his dumb reaction. HE LOVES YOU I SWEAR

Changbin

OK the guy is buff, he used too much strength when you were both squabbling over ice-cream the food of the gods. There was one helping of ice-cream left in the freezer (your fav flavor) and both of you dived for it at once. You simultaneously grabbed it and started wrestling for it and Changbin went into fight siblings mode. He became ruthless and elbowed you in the side unconsciously. As you let go with a grunt, he realized something had gone wrong (you wouldn’t give up on ice-cream so easily) and looked at you to see tears spilling out of your eyes as you held your side tightly. He was so horrified with himself, he dropped the tub and immediately checked you over, sounding like a hurt puppy, apologizing over and over.

“I can’t believe I really did that, I’m such an idiot! I’m so sorry y/n”. Needless to say he gave you the ice-cream.

Hyunjin

Two words: dance practice. He was trying to teach you dance moves (doesn’t care if you say you can’t dance). At some point he got a little too hyper, bouncing around like a Jack Russel and kicking out like a dancing Pennywise you are now haunted by the image. At some point he wasn’t paying attention to where he was kicking and his shoe met with your shin with a loud thud. You held onto your leg tightly, eyes watering and trying to not make a sound. The boy panicked and helped you to sit on the floor, apologizing like a broken record. He started rubbing the part of your leg which you already knew would have a bruise, so he promised to cuddle you and shower you with love whenever it hurt.

“Okay, maybe I shouldn’t be your dance teacher...”

Jisung

idk how this bb could possibly hurt anyone but lets stretch probability a bit You were both playing a card game like Spit: no need for a tutorial but in short when you get rid of your bunch of cards, both players get a chance to grab the smallest out of two piles of cards on the table. You were a decent player, and quick enough to win most of the time. At some point, Jisung got so frustrated, he tried to snag the smallest pile by slamming his fist onto it. It was only after he’d yelled with triumph that he realized you’d already grabbed the pile and he’d flattened your hand at the same time; now you had almost started weeping, cradling your hand. His jaw dropped as he took your hand gently, apologizing guiltily. After that he swore off the card game in the name of your safety.

“Okay, no more Spit for me... I’ve become too much of a danger...”

i just wanna hug :(

Felix

He had finally come home from a long two weeks of concerts and he was excited af about seeing you again. He’d already called you in the car on route from the airport and was hyped up to the point of squealing before getting into the apartment. As he walked in, you were standing in the entrance hall and he dropped all his stuff to sprint to you. “I’VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!” He tackled you in a hug, and the force at which he hit you was so big, your head snapped forward with a loud crack, making you cry out. Alarmed, he immediately let you go as you rubbed the back of your neck, tears already streaming down your face. He quickly went to fetch you some ice and sat you down with a pillow behind your head. “I am so sorry, holy shit. Are you alright?”

Your best response was: “Maybe next time don’t catapult yourself at me...”

Seungmin

i keep thinking he’s incapable of hurting someone but then i think of him messing with Binnie lmao So idk how it came to this but Minnie and you ended up making the executive decision that it was a good idea to wrestle in the living room of the apartment. Both of you were actually really good at not falling or anything, but anytime someone collapsed on the ground, they’d demand a rematch because “I just slipped!” and you both started getting more violent. At some point, you were trying to throw Seungmin onto the sofa, but you lost your balance and he took advantage of it, hurling you at what he’d thought was the big soft chair. Instead, you stumbled and fell, slamming your head on the wall next to the chair. With a whimper, you held your head, tears already spilling out of your eyes. Seungmin came running to you in horror, eyes wide as dinner plates and immediately started cradling you gently, rocking back and forth and trembling slightly. “I’m so sorry, I meant for you to land on the chair... I should probably get some ice for that or it’ll swell...”

“Yeah, no shit”, you only managed to say. Soon he was cradling you and holding a bag of frozen pees on the back of your head as you watched something on TV, now very very calm and quiet.

Jeongin

how tf can this kid hurt anyone? ahem You were both in the SKZ bus and everyone was turning up to a GOT7 song or sumn. You and Jeongin were sitting next to each other and were super hyper and doing the dance moves to every song, singing the lyrics over-dramatically. At some point you were both swaying left and right and you both became out of sync in the chaos, and managed to knock your heads against each other lmao. There was a really loud smack sound that made everyone stop and make sure their 2 children were okay let’s be real they’d do anything for you two. Actually you were already asking each other if you were alright, tears rolling down both your cheeks from the pain. Soon enough both of you were getting head massages and being cooed at by the other members. olala royalty

this took me so long to write lmao see you guys in the next post!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #366

“you can’t take me from me”

If you’re a girl, have you ever had the urge shave your hair? No. Do you live by a forest? Not anymore. :( How old are your parents? Late 50s. What do you prefer: Small cars, hybrids, trucks or SUVs? Uh, I guess normal ones? Like the ones with four doors and not that horribly low to the ground. What’s the scariest book you’ve ever read? I've never read a book that was scary to me. Do your parents drink? Dad doesn't anymore, and Mom very rarely does, usually just for special occasions. Does downloading music without paying make you feel guilty? Yes, so idk why I still do it. .-. Do you have any pet fish? Nah. What’s your favorite seafood to eat? I only like shrimp. Does your house have air conditioning? Yes. Name the creepiest horror movie character for you: Ghostface, ever since I was a kid. I was horrified of him, and I still think his design is mega creepy. How many college degrees do you want? I wanted to get at most a Bachelor's (I never saw reason to go higher in the fields I was interested in, except for my brief wildlife biologist aspiration), but now I know I'm not getting any degrees. Do you like animals? I love animals. Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yes. What do you wear to sleep? Pj pants and a tank top. How many keys do you carry with you? One. Have you ever attended a professional sporting event? Yeah. Sometimes Dad and I would go to hockey games together. I don't really care for sports, hockey included, but it was still something we bonded over since I was normally in the living room on the laptop while he was watching it. Which do you value more, intellect or work ethic? Work ethic. Both are important, but I'd rather have a dedicated, worthy employee versus a lazy one that just happens to have brains. Have you ever been covered in mud? Yes, as a kid. Ever been to a cabin on a mountain? No, but omG I fucking wish. Ever lost your voice? Yes. Do you take your time when making an important decision? I take way too much time because I obsess over doing the right thing. Are you a cautious person? Very. Do you chew gum? Sometimes. What makeup product do you never use? A lot, really. Bronzer is literally never, I haven't touched blush in forever, and the same goes for foundation. Have you ever been offered drugs on the street? No. Have you ever seen a jellyfish? Only at aquariums. Do you ever put bread in your soup? UGH, NO. Bread should NOT be soggy. Do you want some soup? No, I don't even really like soup. Is there anything in the USB key slots in your computer/laptop? Yeah, the sensor thing for my wireless mouse. Did anyone ever draw on your face when you were sleeping? I don't believe so; I'd certainly feel it and wake up. Have you ever done that to someone else? Pretty sure no. Is there any TV show you watch religiously? No. Do you like the window seat or aisle seat on an airplane? WINDOW. I hate the aisle seat, mainly because I get dizzy when I can't see outside for some reason? I really don't know how that works, but when I sit at the window and can see what the plane is doing, I don't get dizzy. I also really want to just stare outside as I listen to my iPod. Has anyone ever really insulted you? Yes. Do you ever make banana sandwiches? I have a peanut butter and banana sandwich rarely. What’s your favorite movie soundtrack? Probably Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. Phil went HARD, y'all. Did your parents teach you how to cook/bake when you were growing up? There were rare occasions where I helped cook, but I never really learned. If you could own any three fictional objects from any book/movie/show, what would you choose? (does not have to all be from the same book/movie/show) Ohhh, interesting. I'm going to include games in this, because that's what I'm most informed in. ... And I'm still blanking. OH! Definitely a Dreamvisitor from Wings of Fire, as I think it'd be pretty cool or even useful to see into other's dreams and even communicate. The Obsidian Mirror from the same series would also be pretty cool, but also seems somewhat immoral to me, I guess, to be able to spy on others. I mean it could be useful in some cases, but still. I somehow can't think of a third one, even after expanding my options to games. A lot of game objects are just too specific to their fantasy universe and not helpful in real life. What’s the shortest amount of time you’ve worked somewhere? Not even two hours lmaoooo. Have you ever negotiated a pay raise? No. Have you ever been a victim of identity theft? No. Do you know anyone who’s had their kids taken by Child Protective Services? No. What is your favorite smell/scent? Cinnamon rolls. How long can you run without stopping? I honestly don't think I *could* run without my knees immediately being like "um excuse the fuck out of you" and crumpling. What age do you want to live to? I know this varies from person to person, so I can't say an exact age, but I do. NOT. Want to live to where I'm a liability/require other people to take care of me, like give me a bath and stuff. No. Fuck-ing. Thank you. If you had a time machine, when would you go to? I'd honestly want a glimpse into my future, just to see how I'll be. At the same time though, I feel like knowing would suck if I saw something bad instead of a good life. Like, I'd possibly be suicidal again if it's just crap. I feel like if I was legitimately offered this, I would say no. Have you ever been infatuated with someone and you didn’t even know why? No. I think. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Is your more photogenic side your left or right? Well, because of how my hair is positioned, my left side. My hair is parted very far to the left, so the right side of my face is sorta cut diagonally by hair. Do you currently owe money to anyone? No. If you were ever to be on the news, what would you want it to be for? Something heroic, I guess. What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven? Accidentally, probably up to like 80 on the highway. Have you ever donated blood? Have you ever done a blood test? I have to both. Have you been inside of a burning building? What happened? Z O I N K S no. Do you believe in astrology/horoscopes? Nope. Have you ever dined alone at a restaurant? No. Have you been in a car accident? What happened? Yes. Some idiot was carrying wood in the back of his truck, and it wasn't secured whatsoever. He hit a bumpy spot, and some of the wood dropped to the road, and he began to swerve out of control. Nailed the side and bumper of my mom's car. Mom drove into a ditch, but in some manner to avoid us flipping over, which judging from the impact point, cops theorized was "supposed" to happen. Nowadays I am terrified to ride or drive behind trucks carrying anything in the back. Have you ever lived alone? No. Have you ever been stung by a bee? Once, on my leg. Have you ever bought stuff at a thrift store? Yeah, I love thrift shops. What was your very first email address? The one I still use now, so I won't share it. It fits me well, but I still hate sharing it, haha. It's just not very "adult-ish." How often do you take naps? Just about every day. Have you ever won a game of pool? Idr. Have you ever seen a tornado in real life? NOOOOOOOOOOO. Have you been in a long-distance relationship? Yes. Have you swam in the ocean? Yeah, I love it. Have you gone ziplining? No, but it'd be cool! Have you been rock climbing? No, just those mock walls at school field days and stuff. Have you hitchhiked? No. Have you had stitches? Where? My chin and then at the very base of my spine. Have you ridden in a taxi? What about an Uber/Lyft? None of those. Have you ridden on a horse? Not legit, but at childhood festivals where there are some horses that walk in a circle... the poor things. I would LOVE to ride a non-restrained, tame horse. Ugh, I wish I could have a horse in general. Their ability to bond with humans is magical. I'll never actually have one, though. I could nooot do all the care they require, and I don't plan on living somewhere where having a horse is appropriate. Have you taken part in a protest? What for? No, just boycotting. Have you ever signed a petition? Yes. I can't remember all of them. Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? No. Have you ever given someone else a haircut? No. What is the longest your hair has been? Just past the small of my back. Have you ever been stranded because your car broke down? No. Thank god for phones, lol. Have you performed on stage? What did you do? Yes, for school band concerts as well as dance recitals. Have you ever used a tanning bed? What about tanning spray? No. How do you prefer to celebrate your birthday? Just quiet and chill with my family, but still give me alone time, please. Who is the best cook that you know? /shrug Do you believe in Bigfoot? What about the Loch Ness Monster? The Loch Ness Monster I don't, but I find surviving sasquatches very possible. There's just too many reported sightings to be totally ignored. I'm not 100% on them still being around, though. I feel like we would've caught one by now. Do your friends tend to be male or female? Female. If you could change anything about human nature, what would it be? Our proclivity to violence when angered. Have you ever fainted? Yes. What skills would you like to learn? Cooking, how to handle money in various contexts, social skills... There's a lot of things. What animal do you have the most possessions *of*, or featuring? Meerkats, for sure. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I don’t. Do you remain friends with anyone you met at your first job? No. Are there any flowers planted outside your house? No. Do you have a favourite outfit that you like to wear for nights out? I don't have "nights out." When you have a soft drink, do you prefer it in a bottle or can? I like cans because the metal helps it stay cold. Who was the last person to embarrass you? What did they do? I don't know. When you’re upset, do you tend to comfort eat or lose your appetite? I am a BAD comfort eater. Who was the last person to send you a message on Facebook? Does/did that person go to the same school as you? My online friend Sammy. No. Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink? No. When was the last time you used a public toilet? Ummm I think for my birthday lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. Who did you have your first kiss with? Do you remember what colour his/her eyes were? Jason has brown eyes. Are there any themes from TV shows that you like to sing along to? That '70s Show and especially Supernatural.

[berrymeter]

ok perth u probably didn't see the oneus cb yet but i gotta give u my thoughts please take my thoughts.

black mirror: it feels a little atrocious and cheesy and i actually love it like it's just a catchy song!! they could have gone harder but i'm okay with it. the mv is VERY valkyrie which is cute but also boring. none of the shots really wowed me also rbw tanked their budget for this cb.. and some of their fits suck. for me this is a step up from banbakbulga though

connect with us: letdown letdownnnn i would honestly rather listen to the outro version of this song. there is no movement there is no buildup. but xion has a verse so 🥰🥰 i guess

polarity: THIS IS THE ONE.. catchy as hell mwah

happy birthday: save me. save them. the chorus is nice honestly and i like this producer but the aggressively heterosexual corny english interjections really took me out of the vibe.. it's not my birthday i'm not your girlfriend shut up shut uppppp

valkyrock: mixed feelings bc it really just feels like valkyrie with poorly arranged hard guitar in the bg there were some weird instrumental choices too. it serves its purpose which is to be a cool concert remix. there are some cool moments tho especially with the main guitar which i can only assume is kanghyun just shredding it good for him. could have gone harder with the rock concept

so overall this cb... just okay. i'm okay with it! it's def not a come back home or a tbontb (i actually LOVED tbontb era sfsgdfdgdg even the acoustic guitar in the chorus) but frankly it wasn't trying to be that. still feels pretty oneus. anywayyy this is long! i just wanted to like. open a discussion lol don't feel pressured to respond!! -tt

i can finally start answering this ohohoho

hi tt anon my beloved!!! i am ready to answer to these thoughts (aka compare them to mine hSDGHSDKJGH. also i’ll be writing like, each ThoughtTM after i’ve listened to each song, so while i’m typing that i’ve only heard black mirror)

ok so i’m done typing my thoughts and. it got VERY long. don’t apologise for length i’m also wordy <3

now connect with us. so far i didn’t like the voice editing on keonhee’s voice but the song sounds... alright... not groundbreaking but it’s alright. seoho my beloved <3 WAIT THERES NO DROP IN THE CHORUS???? WHAT THE FUCK? i don’t really like the typical kpop drops always used now but come on?? oh wait there’s a? ugh. that was nothing. well i guess it’s a song and dongju got a verse for sure. i don’t have a lot to say on it i don’t know if i’ll add it to any playlists IS THAT HWANWOONG’S FIRST LINE?????? what the hell is any of this DSKJFHKJHD i may not have noticed him before but huh what. eh. it’s a song. again maybe it’ll grow on me! but right now yeah it’s a letdown i agree.

so for black mirror i agree the mv was... cheaper than what we got with gaja, twilight & etc. like they used all the budget on their first mvs DNSKJFHKJ (and to be or not to be... i guess? i don’t remember much except Guns And Blood Bath). i don’t really mind it in itself bc i don’t watch mvs much anymore and i’ve accepted that sometimes companies will just throw whatever at the audience for the sake of money (see also: ugly dance by onf letting me down in great part bc it acts as a followup to beautiful beautiful but is literally just a performance mv with no storytelling elements whatsoever but eh what can you do right) but for someone who likes cinematography it’s definitely gonna be disappointing if they were expecting something like gaja or come back home. as for the fits i didn’t really look at them, mostly their faces? and ough they are pretty <3 but yeah i wanted to get the more negative criticism out of the way so i can talk about The Song because unexpectedly i actually really like it!! and we can thank the bassline for that LMAOOO honestly this is gonna sound mean for no reason but this is what w*nho (censoring in case it gets in tags... i do NOT need mbbs after me on this fine day) thought he was doing with his debut song (not losing you that one made me cry. the one that i forgot the name of). i really enjoy the vibe of the song even if imo it doesn’t really fit the visual concept very much? but it has strings and i’m not gonna say no to strings. strings and a sexy bassline. and yonghoon’s whistling. SHFSDHKH

no but it’s a really good song imo! it’s not... as good as say, twilight (maybe it’ll grow on me idk we’ll see but twilight really was one of their best so), but it’s still a pretty solid song and while i do like banbakbulga a lot now it feels a lot less oneus than black mirror. oh wait i have something else to say, they really should leave the rapping to ravn bc like we know kpop rappers are not really rappers but i. really don’t wanna hear leedo rap anymore. he has great vocals there’s no reason for that... ravn is genuinely enjoyable to listen to so i don’t mind him but pls rbw give leedo more vocal lessons so he can sing more (and also give dongju vocal lessons at all?? why does he get two lines per song??? they’re a 2 yr old group now there’s no excuse. is he that bad? i don’t buy it he sounded good in the rtk gaja)

black mirror also very vaguely reminded me of run away by got7 during the chorus for some reason feel free to ignore that HFKJSHKFJ

onto polarity! shit i really need wrist braces. well this is like an improved connect with us? it’s definitely catchier sdnfsjkdfh and definitely a oneus song tho that means i don’t really like what their style is headed toward... one of the percussions they keep using, i really don’t like it!! i hear it everywhere and i don’t like it! not bc i hear it everywhere but bc it’s used for anything and everything like u should be more careful with what sounds u use for what songs. but i’m also very picky in the little details when i’m focused on something i guess sndfjskh. keonhee sounds really good in this song thank u mr lisp for my life i love u :) OH WAIT LEEDO IN THE CHORUS??? VERY GOOD LET’S GET MARRIED jk not to a leo man.

then we got happy birthday....... um... i was gonna say this is fine then he said you’re my goddess and. let me out <3 NOOO KEONHEE SOUNDS SO GOOD THIS IS EVIL... WHY DOES HE SOUND SO GOOD ON THIS SONG NANODNONDD LOVE LOSES </////3 i wouldn’t say it’s unlistenable for me like english girl but i’m gonna have to turn off my english speaking brain to listen to it yeah. it’s a good song otherwise what a shame... stop pushing ur heterosexual words onto me i’m just trying to listen to a song!!! do songs have to be gendered!!!!!!!!!

valkyrock here we go. last one. last one boys & not boys. so far it’s nice tbh. HUH? they lost the vibe with ravn’s verse. okay i guess the prechorus is alright i can hear the faintest hint of strings. the chorus... the percussions should not be like that... like idk how to explain it but the rhythm is too regular and not spaced out enough, if they were gonna do it like that it should hit a lot harder. don’t give me just the big boy (idk the english name but u know the one on the drums) and the small cymbal sound... that’s not loud enough bring out the damn gong (ok i may exaggerate but like it sounds more dancey than rock either way). uhhhhh overall though i really like the mix of the heavy guitar & strings i think that’s great and they should do that more. i can only assume onewe took care of the instruments LMAO harin u should’ve gone harder than that king i know u can...

so uhmmm for me this cb is... better than the previous one. which is sad bc it was a full album. i also liked it better than tbontb bc i felt that one didn’t go hard enough and black mirror wasn’t trying to go hard in that way so it doesn’t bother me 😭 yeah it’s not light us raise us fly with us level but it’s really good still. i can’t wait for oneus to finally release something that makes me insane but tbh? tbh? the bassline might get me there anyway. sexy bass makes me deranged and i think that’s at least a little bit relatable. still... when oneus get back to their roots in ways other than valkyrock maybe we’ll ascend to a better plane. much love 💕

[jeonggukkiepabo]

SIREN [JJK] | MONSTER SMASH

Hi guys! This is my submission for the KSMUTCLUB MONSTER SMASH. I wanted to try out something new that I haven’t read on here so far, so I decided to go for Siren Y/N. I changed some mythological things, but I still hope you guys enjoy it. 

Summary: Siren Y/N lives on Jejudo island, coming out once a year to “hunt” for the ocean. This year, she goes for 7 pretty boys that decided to have a beach day, but she gets to meet them before the accident has to happen and directly falls for Jungkook - but if she talks to him, he will die.

Warnings: smut (fighting for dominance, choking, spitting, unprotected sex, sub!yn, dom!jk, idk what else, it’s disgusting), character death

Word count: 7k

The sea always has been fascinating to you, back in the days, when you were still a small girl, you loved running into it, splashing around with one of your many siblings as your parents watched you with a soft smile. This peaceful memory was nothing compared to those who were hunting you ever since: war, bombs, death. Six-Two-Five, better known as the Korean War, an endless war that somehow lasted until today, 2019. It may not be as violent as it was when you were a teenager, but Korea still wasn’t a peaceful unit like you always wanted it to be.

Your family was one of those who had the chance to flee, a huge American ship was collecting random families that had a better chance in another country – and who was your father to deny such offer? You could never forget that day, the 27th March 1952, almost two years into the war, when a friendly officer lead you and your siblings to the haven, guiding you onto the boat and told you that your parents would be there soon. Well, there you were: one of the oldest girls on board, trying to calm down all those smaller children that were also waiting for their parents, so you did whatever you could do to calm them down. Singing. You’ve always been a great singer, but not many people had the chance to ever listen to you because you were too shy to sing on the streets, nor in front of other people who could possibly be judging you. The only people that ever had the pleasure to listen to your beautiful, warm voice were your siblings and parents. Until now.

Humming to the first melody that came up to your mind, you smiled at a little girl that recognized the song and started to sing along, the others soon following her lead. But every single one of them stopped singing once they heard your voice, almost hypnotizing. They remained quiet until you stopped, nodding towards the officer that announced another ship would bring all the adults separately. You raised an eyebrow, but who were you to mistrust an officer’s lead? The only thought that came up your mind was that with much luck, you’d never have to smell napalm again. From that moment on, Busan was just a bad memory burned into your brain.

It’s probably unnecessary to say that you never saw your parents again, neither did any of the other poor children, because maybe three hours after the boat left, a loud explosion erupted from the ocean, causing your boat to struggle, mass panic to evolve and soon enough, loud cries and begs for help were the only sound heard. Everything went way too fast to explain what was really going on, but a soft melody – not fitting into the loud explosions – echoed through your ears, leading almost everyone to jump over the railing and into the open water. Right into their death.

You were confused, unsure what was going on, but also intrigued by the beautiful singing voice that tried to lead you into the water as well. Step by step, you walked closer to the edge of the boat, glancing into the sparkling water that had endless bodies floating around on the surface. You were the only person on deck by now, voices growing louder in your ears, causing your sight to go black as another explosion caused the boat to crash and slowly sink with you on board. You’ve always been a fighter, but right now you were close to giving up, knowing this situation was already ticked by fate. You felt your body going numb, not even being able to feel the cold burn the water left on your skin, your heartbeat going slower and slower while dizziness and tiredness were taking over your body. “You are a strong one, my love.” You tried opening your eyes, but you couldn’t. Yet, you desperately wanted to know who was talking to you. ‘Who are you? What is happening?’, your thoughts were running wild, but somehow the voice was able to understand you. “I am the ocean, my love. The sea, the lakes and the rain pouring down on you. I can be salty, but I also can be sweet to those who give me love and respect. Would you give me love and respect, dear?” Her voice was almost motherlike, soft and gentle – and maybe the reason you were still alive. ‘I-I don’t know, Miss. Where are we? Why are they dead but I am still alive? Am I alive?’ A warm laugh was heard, hitting you directly into your heart and causing you to smile as well. “You are alive, love. And so, so strong. Tell me, if I gave you a chance, a chance to survive and serve me, would you take it? You are such a beautiful young woman with a voice gifted by the gods, it would be a waste to just let you die under my touch. I can help you survive for at least another hundred years.” The cold waves around you were suddenly just as warm as a comfortable bathtub, your eyes weren’t as heavy anymore – and you were finally able to breath again. Under water!

‘But what about my parents? All those children? Who am I to accept such an offer while seeing this destruction around me?’ Another gentle laugh was heard by the ocean, then it felt like she was stroking your hair and pressing a kiss on your forehead. “That is why I chose you instead of them, you were the only one to worry about the others not just yourself. Now, what do you say, my dear? Would you like to be a part of us? A siren? Living for the ocean, but being able to walk around on the earth just like you did before? Just, maybe once a year, I’ll need your help. You know, this is how I keep alive”, she opens your eyes for you to see all the pain and suffocation, “It may sounds rough to you, but I need this kind of sacrifice to keep all those humans alive with my water. Rain costs energy, so does transporting boats and all those things you humans want me to help you with. You understand that, love, don’t you?” ‘I think I do…’, you whisper, ‘If that’s so, I think… I’d like to be part of your family.’ “I knew you were a smart girl, my love. Now, open your eyes for me, look at you, it is time to wear your ocean dress with pride.”

You do as you’re told, sinking your gaze onto your naked legs just to see beautiful fish swimming around them, pressing thousands of little salt flakes onto your skin until the most beautiful dress you’ve ever seen covered your body. All those wounds you gained from napalm and war in general were gone, it even seemed like you’ve gained a few extra pounds, giving you a healthier look than before. You swim around, laughing from all the new energy you felt, until you took your chance to look around – without seeing anyone. “Ocean?”, your voice was finally heard out loud instead of being just in your head. “I am here, love, everywhere around you. You will never be able to see me, but you can always feel me once you touch water. Just as I will always be able to feel you, my love. Now, swim, decide where you want to live and wait for me to call you once I need your survey. Good luck.”

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Good luck, that’s what you indeed needed whenever your mother ocean called you. Singing other people into death wasn’t exactly what you could call an easy job, even after 50 years of doing to, the weight of thousand dead bodies on your shoulders, you tend to hate every minute of being under water to serve. “She will call soon again, Y/N”, Eunae whispers as the two of you were sitting on rock in the surf. After the ocean sent you away, you settled down on Jeju-Do island, loving the peaceful nature – and the little humans that come here during spring and summer. “I know… And I still have almost another 50 years. Sometimes I really wish I was the one to die during the accident.” Eunae sighs, hugging you from the side as she gives you a sympathetic smile. “You need to forget about that night, Y/N, just like all of us. I don’t know why you’re still holding onto it. Its over, mother ocean made her decision and you should be glad she chose you. What are you missing from your human life? War? Pain? Starvation? Let me tell you that we have the best life right now, despite the little serving we need to do once a year, that’s nothing compared to what mother gave us.” Eunae was always the one to enjoy her new, better life. She didn’t mind all the burdens it costs you.

“I miss speaking to people other than you and Chunhei. I miss having company, I miss going to concerts and restaurants because wherever I go, I’m not able to speak unless I want to cause a mass death.” Eunae laughs, shaking her wild locks with every head movement. “But, Y/N! You can do all of that! Chun and I, we go out with guys all the time, we go to clubs, we go to parties and we have sex, for fucks sake! Just because your voice means death to them doesn’t mean you can’t go out and live your life. You have the chance to travel more than anyone else, we can swim wherever we want! America, Italy, Germany – hell, you haven’t even been to Hawaii or Bali! We need to change that as soon as possible, let me call Chun real quick, maybe she’s up for a little trip-“, “Stop, Eun! Believe me, I don’t want to. I enjoy every second I’m not in the water, sometimes my thoughts are a little to depressing for mother and she scolds me. I don’t need that right now. Besides that, we will need to go into the water sooner than I’d like, let’s rest until then, nobody knows what kind of accident she wants us to create this year”, a heavy sigh leaves your lips as you stand up and climb down the slippery rock, trying not to step into the bigger puddles to avoid any connection with the ocean.

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“My loves, it’s time, come and visit me.”

Sighing, you put your book aside and checked your phone – it was early noon, an unusual time for the ocean to call out for you. “Y/N, are you ready?”, Chun knocked on your door, waiting for you to answer. Instead, you shuffled out of the warmth of your just to walk out in your pajamas. The ocean would change you into your dress anyways. Yawning, you nod towards your friends while opening the front door of your beach house – mother ocean always wanted you close to her. “Let’s get things done”, you mutter while walking towards the calm waves. Instantly you felt the change, tiny droplets of saltwater formed into diamonds on your skin, forming the dress you’ve worn ever since the ocean turned you into her Siren. “Hello mother”, Eunae giggles as her own dress covered her body and she was ready to dive down. You and Chun followed her, but you were the only one feeling a bit off. “Y/N, my love, is something wrong?” Shaking your head, you tried to smile, but you knew it looked fake. “I’m just a bit tired these days, maybe I’ll head off to the volcanos after our job. Don’t worry, mother.” “What is our mission going to be?”, Chun asks curiously, her red curls surrounding her head like Arielle the Mermaid. “7 boys… They will visit your island very soon, I want them. I know this is very specific, but they’re energetic and could feed me for almost two years because of their bond. Their names are Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jeong Hoseok, Kim Namjoon, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook. They will arrive within the next couple of days for vacation, I’m sure you’ll recognize them. It won’t be hard, sing for them, draw them towards the water and the rest will be my work. You can go now. Oh, and Y/N. Make sure your tiredness will be gone by then, I won’t forgive mistakes for this one.”

Your eyes widened at the ocean’s words, confusion and adrenaline running through your veins as you nod, mumbling a quiet “Yes mother”, before swimming off as well.

Unlike your friends, you weren’t always looking for the seven boys that were soon to arrive on your island. Chun always took your missions very serious, not daring to fail them at all. “I wonder how they look; their names sound Korean too… Usually mother wants us to go for big parties on boats or on the beach, she doesn’t care about names. What’s different about them?” Eunae sighs as you were currently walking through the empty streets, allowing you to use spoken words instead of thoughts. “Mh, I don’t really know, maybe they did something bad while going for a swim? Maybe they used her power more than once, were supposed to die a long time ago but didn’t? We never know why mother ocean chooses specific boats, there must be something about those boys”, you mumble while enjoying the last slurp of your milkshake. Soon, those ice cafés would close due to the lack of tourists coming by. The summer was about to end, and you couldn’t decide whether it was a good or a bad thing. Sure, at the end of summer, when nobody was left in town, you were able to actually go out and speak instead of living a mute girl’s life, but you always missed the beaming heat of sunlight on your skin whenever the weather got colder. “Well, I might go and check the beach area, maybe they already arrived”, Eunae sighed as your paths split, leaving you alone on the promenade.

Walking all by yourself was something you recently learned to enjoy after decades of being alone. In the beginning, you really hated it, thinking people would stare at you, the way you used to dress. But time changed, you went shopping quite a lot and even found a new sense of style for yourself – but you by far favorite invention were smartphones and music apps. Ever since, you weren’t really seen without headphones, eyes wandering through the sky or over the ocean, but you also loved to watch those different tourists from all over the world. Today was quiet though, you’ve passed one or two inhabitants, but neither of them was interesting to you – until he came.

You mind was off, your music too loud and there was no way to prevent the little accident that you and that disgustingly handsome man were about to have. Soon enough, the both of you were laying on the ground, a hurtful expression on your faces. “Fuck, I’m sorry”, the guy decided to speak up as he looked at you with doe eyes, lips in an adorable pout. “I was too focused on my music and the landside; I didn’t even see you.” You sighed, standing up and wiping the dust from your jeans. Your mouth opened – but then you realized: you weren’t going to speak to him. Instead, you nodded and offered him your hand with a sympathetic smile. His hand was slightly sweaty, just like the rest of his – toned, tanned and delicious looking – body. “I just arrived today, never been here, so I thought a run is the best way to discover this island, isn’t it?” Again, you just nodded, biting your lip to hide the smile that still lingered on it. He laughed, running his hand through his damp hair to get them out of his eyes. “You’re a shy one, huh? Don’t worry, I won’t bite”, he tries to joke, but realizes that it sounded like the most douchebag thing to say. “I didn’t mean it like- Ugh. I’m sorry”, he winced, but you waved it off, using sign language to show him that you weren’t shy – just not able to speak. His eyes widened, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “You can’t speak?” You nod. “But you can understand me?” You nod, again. “Weird, but cool”, he shrugs. “So, would you mind me taking you out for another milkshake just to make things up?” Smiling, you nod once more, leading the way towards your favorite place.

Time went by, you started by drinking a milkshake together, but ended up in one of the island’s most popular restaurants. The fact that you weren’t able to speak wasn’t a problem – laughing was. You just couldn’t laugh, otherwise he’d hear your voice anyways, but that young man was just too funny that your silent laugh almost wasn’t enough. One thing led to another, dinner wasn’t just dinner anymore, because soon enough you opened your front door for him, lead him into your bedroom and that’s when things got heated.

In the beginning, your lips met in a soft, lovely kiss, different to what you were expecting, you thought he was one of those guys that needed full dominance in the bedroom, but by now he just made your heart flutter in the most amazing way possible. You kissed for what seemed like hours, exploring your still clothed bodies while you sat comfortably in his lap. He didn’t give you a single chance to pull away, instead he buried his hands in your unruly hair, quietly moaning into the kiss that gave him more than it probably should. The erotic sound was your chance to break the kiss, enjoying the view in front of you for a while: swollen lips on that precious face, messy hair that almost reached his chin – and those eyes. You could swear they were able to see right into your soul.

“Fuck, I don’t even know your name. I’m Jungkook”, he breathed out as he waited for a reaction. Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook. Realization hit you quickly once you remembered that you’ve just heard this name a couple of days ago, he was one of the seven boys you were supposed to serve the ocean. You wanted to scream, to run away and never see him again, but you suddenly felt it: the urge to fulfill your mission, the bond with mother ocean. There was no chance for him to survive this night, if you found Jungkook this way, your friends would’ve probably already found his friends – if they were still alive by then. You pout while slowly tracing the letters of your name on his still clothed chest, thinking how to solve this situation. He was going to die, it doesn’t matter if you were the one to lead him towards the water, the others would find him anyway. But you could give him an amazing last night on earth. “Y/N”, he whispered your name, causing tiny tears to swell up in your eyes, but you swallowed them down quickly enough for him to not notice, instead you smiled, forming his name with your lips.

Then, you quickly pulled his shirt over his head, leaving him only in his black cargo pants. You nearly gasped as soon as you saw his broad chest, gulping at the sight of his veiny arms, wanting his strong hands to choke your life out of you. As soon as you saw him in this godlike state, you couldn’t help but pull him onto you and kiss his swollen lips. Wrapping your legs around his torso, you pull his waist against yours, enjoying the friction quietly. Your lips were dancing against each other’s, sloppy and wet, the sound echoing through the room combined with Jungkook’s heavenly moans. Your black fingernails wander down his back, scratching lightly before finding their way into his pants. Breaking the kiss once more to almost rip your shirt off you, Jungkook could feel the electricity between the two of you, tingling as if little sparks would light up on your naked skin from time to time.

Gazes still locked, admiring your opponents still half-clad body in the pale moonlight, you smile up at him, biting your lip while waiting for his next move. Soon enough, your face was covered in strands of his hair as he moved his lips down your neck, sucking onto sensitive spots and inhaling your intoxicating scent. He covered your bra-clothed chest with a mixture of sweet little kisses, soft nibbles and even some bites here and there – but you didn’t mind at all. Your eyes were closed, lips parted, and your mind went absolutely crazy. One of your hands found its way into the messy hair of your affair, loving the incomparable and satisfying feeling of Jungkook on top of you. But as amazing it was, you couldn’t control yourself anymore, pushing Jungkook off your body and howling over him, holding his upper arm in a tight grip while smiling down at him with a satisfied grin. Jungkook couldn’t believe what you just did, growling with furrowed eyebrows to show you who’s in charge, but also loving the fact the you were quite a challenge. And then you did it – you growled back at him, causing his neck hair to erect, leaving goosebumps all over his body. Soon enough, Jungkook’s hand was wrapped around your neck, his thumb pressing against your chin to move it towards his face just to capture your lips once more.

Your tongues start to fight over dominance while your way smaller hand wraps around his throat as well, your tiny hand not even fitting halfway around his thick throat. Spit was dribbling down your chin, loud smacking sounds were heard, while you slowly traced the lines of his abs, letting your nails dance around his belly button which makes him hold his breath and flex. Pointing towards his rock hard middle, you used your tongue in your cheek with a questioning look as to ask him if he wanted you to suck his dick. You smiled innocently as you removed your bra, freeing your wonderful tits right in front of his face. Jungkook breathed out, quietly thanking god for creating this girl. Little did he know. “Yeah, babygirl. So bad, please”, he groans while grabbing your boobs with his large hands, watching your nipples harden in awe. “Wait with that blowjob, I need them first”, he mumbles while already having one of your nipples in his mouth, playing with the sensitive bud and pulling it with his teeth.

You throw your head back in pleasure, pulling on his silky hair and almost mewling under his touch as Jungkook decided to tease you even more, letting one of his giant hands wander down your stomach, under your jeans and teasing the lacy material of your thong before sliding underneath it, gazing the silky skin under there. Your nipple pops out of his swollen lips while he stares at you with an adorable pout. “You’re so wet, angel. Your pussy is already begging for my attention, isn’t it?” He softly strokes your wetness along your folds, the task being almost impossible because of your tight jeans, so you quickly take the hint and pull it off – leaving you in nothing but your favorite pair of peach colored lace thongs.

Once you’re undressed, he doesn’t waste any time to pin you back underneath him, having you clawing onto his broad shoulders.  Jungkook chuckles at your desperation and pops his tongue before shaking his head. “No-uh, princess, not now.” With that, he undresses as well before crawling up on top of you, sitting down onto your chest and grins down at you. Smirking, he grabs his throbbing dick with one hand and your jaw with the other, slapping his cock against your cheek a few times. “Open up, pretty girl.”

Of course, you obeyed, opening your mouth and letting him shove his dick down your throat, trying to relax your jaw, but he was thicker and longer than you were used to, so you couldn’t help but gag over it. Jungkook chuckled, pulling back a little bit to have you playing with his tip, licking around it and tasting every single drop of precum while his masculine scent filled your nose – you couldn’t help but purr in pleasure, already being glad you decided to take Jungkook home with you. His hand leaves your jaw just to press down on your throat, causing your breath to hitch. “Moaning around my cock, huh? You’re so desperate”, his tongue pops once again, causing shivers to erupt all over your body. Your hand slips down, trying to reach your painfully wet core, but Jungkook is fast enough to slap it away, leaving you frowning and gently biting down onto his cock. As soon as your teeth met his sensitive skin, he pulls back, growling at you and pulling you up towards his face. “How dare you?” His eyebrows were furrowed, eyes darkened from lust and anger. Yours on the other hand were sparkling mischievously as you shrugged your shoulders while biting your lips to hide the smirk forming on them. “Tz, acting all that innocently whilst we both know what a filthy thing you are, princess. Now, c’mon, show me how sorry you are and open your mouth again.”

Of course, you listened, how could you not? You’d do anything for him in this situation, so you obeyed and opened your mouth, sticking out your tongue for him. You just see his jaw moving, curious what was about to happen now, all you thought was that he wanted you to suck his cock again. But then it hits you; you heard the sound of his lips right before you feel a wet sensation around and inside your mouth. Raising an eyebrow in disbelief, you smirked while shaking your head, acting like you were swallowing his spit – before collecting even more of yours in your mouth, swirling it around before spitting the entire look back at him, aiming right at his face. Licking your lips in satisfaction, you enjoyed the fuming expression on his face. Never had anyone dared to even disagree with him – yet be disrespectful towards him. Jungkook was used to be the dominant one, loving to have girls and boys underneath him, never even having to fight to be in that place. But there you were, acting like a brat, doing whatever you liked without even having to use your mouth for it – Jungkook was absolutely digging it. He couldn’t help but smirk at you, using his thumb to wipe away the spit on his face before sucking it clean afterwards. “I knew you were delicious, angel”, he shoots you a wink before rubbing your nipple with his still wet finger.

“But now that I got to taste your delicious spit, I really need to taste your juices. I can smell them from here”, Jungkook shoves you back down again, holding your hips against the mattress while enjoying the view of your ruined thong, the peachy color complimenting your skin type so well that he didn’t even want to remove it from your body. He decides on leaving it on for a little longer, just pushing the soft fabric to the side before taking a deep sniff of your scent. “Delicious”, he mumbles mostly to himself before dipping his finger into the glistering paradise, rubbing your juices between his fingers and licking them off slowly, wanting to taste everything you gave him. He spreads your legs even further, bopping your clit with his nose while going right in your hole with his tongue, exploring your insides, slurping out everything you gave him while groaning against you. You were – obviously – a mess underneath him, in need of more friction on your clit which he just didn’t give you by just licking your cunt. You squirm, trying to rub yourself against his nose but he just laughs it off, moving his head away a bit. “It doesn’t work like that, angel”, he scolds you, looking directly into your eyes. Anger flames up in you, annoyed by his attitude and you couldn’t play this role any longer, grabbing him by his locks, pushing him back and placing your aching core onto his face. With that, you began moving on his tongue, his lips and his nose, spreading your arousal everywhere, even in his sweaty flop of hair sticking to his forehead. Jungkook’s hands automatically grab your buttcheeks, spreading them apart while enjoying the meal you gave him. The movements of your hips got faster and faster, you were literally fucking his face, your body shaking and you almost couldn’t contain to be quiet – you were close, and he knew that. Seconds before your orgasm arrived, he pulls his tongue back inside, lifting you up from his face and smirks at you, having you look down at him in disappointment and even more anger. “Sucks, huh? I feel you, hun. Maybe next time.” But you just shook your head, your body still weak while your entire weight was balancing on Jungkook’s hands – you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself up anymore.

Furrowing your eyebrows at him, you moved your tiny fingers down your body to rub your clit quickly, knowing the spots that’ll make you cum in literal seconds. Soon enough, your body was trembling again, legs shaking and toes curling, so you quickly plunged two fingers inside your hole, moving them in and out the fastest pace you had to offer. Jungkook watched carefully, his throbbing length about to explode, still holding you up in front of his face. His eyes tracked the way your fingers moved, droplets of your wetness falling down onto his face here and there, but he didn’t knew what was about to come at him. Seconds later, you couldn’t hold it anymore, squirting like a champion all over his face, the mattress and even yourself while Jungkook watched in awe, trying to catch most of it with his tongue, but couldn’t even swallow the load you let out. Once nothing comes out anymore, he presses his lips back onto your cunt, licking it as clean as possible before kneeling over you with a satisfied grin.

“Didn’t know you had that in you, angel. So, so dirty.” He smacks one of your tits before grabbing onto your throat again, making you look at him. You didn’t know what came into you, never wanting to fight for dominance that bad, but Jungkook made it easy for you. Even though he was a giant, he let you flip him over and take control whenever you liked and you fairly enjoyed that. But this time, you wanted to be underneath him, wanting him to use you and make you his slut. You wanted him to mark you, leave bruises around your body and be reminded of this fuck even two days from now. Jungkook growls at you, sticking his tongue out for you to suck on it which you do happily while wrapping your legs around his toned torso.

Then, without even warning you, he thrusts into you, burying his cock balls-deep in your tiny pussy, leaving him groaning and you gasping for air before he screams out in pleasure. Your eyes kept locked while he bites your lip, sucking on it and letting it go with a pop. You were just about to close your eyes to let yourself fall into the hole of pleasure when Jungkook pulls you back to reality. “Open your eyes, princess. Look at me while getting fucked. Show me how good I am to you.” You obeyed, clinging onto his shoulders, frowning because of the amount of pleasure he was giving you with his giant cock, filling out every inch of you and you bet you could feel him in your stomach. You quickly lost yourself in the dark vortex of his eyes and feeling the infamous knot in your stomach again. Jungkook feels you starting to clench around him and goes slower, clenching his jawline while his abs flex uncontrollable, covered by a thin layer of sweat. “Not yet, baby. Want it to last”, he whispers while kissing you quickly. You pinch him in frustration, not wanting to miss any chance of an orgasm. Using all your strength left, you flip him back under your body, quickly slipping his cock back in and sighing in relief. You you start moving your hips, swinging them while kneading your own tits and looking down at that beautiful man.

He just shakes his head in disbelief, crossing his arms behind his head and watches your divine body grinding on him. He could see your wetness running down your thighs, meeting his own ones. The vein of his neck was popping, and you couldn’t stop yourself from wrapping both of your hands around it, supporting all of your weight onto him. Jungkook stopped breathing for a second before realizing that you had him whipped – nobody could ever do that to him without getting slapped the fuck out of them, but you were fucking hot like that. He could even feel your nails sinking into his skin, only imagining how your fingers would look like around his muscular neck. You enjoyed the view as well, your body was about to explode – you felt powerful, admiring Jungkook for letting himself submit to you even though he could crash you in seconds. But there he was, completely relaxed and full of trust in you, indulging your effort and completely admiring you. He wanted to take his time with you the next time you’ll interact that way, wanted to praise your body and wanted to get to know your perks and habits. You on the other hand were concentrated to build up your orgasm, ready to let go just yet, knowing that Jungkook would last just a bit longer to switch up positions once again, you just knew what he wanted to do next. You didn’t even need to rub your clit like you used to with other guys, the sensation of his cock deep inside your pussy was just too much to handle, so you came once more, even squirting a little again, but not too much to actually be seen. Grinning at Jungkook, you climbed down off him and get on all fours, shaking your ass at him. Jungkook understood and was quick enough to pound into you, pressing your head on the mattress and lifting your ass up even more, his thrusts becoming quicker and quicker while wrapping your hair around his wrist. “Jungkook!”, your screaming echoed throughout the entire room and brought Jungkook over the edge once he felt your orgasm shaking your body a final time. He quickly pulled out and grabbed your face towards his already leaking cock, pumping himself a few times and finally releases right inside your mouth.

Then, you realized what just happened, eyes wide as you looked at his changed expression, eyes empty as he looked out of the window- right towards the ocean. “I need to go”, he monotonous mumbles as he made his way towards your patio, not even bothering to get dressed. “Jungkook, no!”, you screamed, knowing that you made things just worse for him. He smiled, your melodic voice filling his ears, combined with the song of the ocean. “Let him, Y/N! You promised! He is just another human, let him go. Don’t disobey me!” The ocean’s voice filled your ears just as she filled Jungkook’s with her melody. But to you, her voice sounded rough, disappointed and… not as loving as she used to talk to you. You grabbed Jungkook’s arm as soon as his feet touched the soft sand, pulling him towards you, but he was unstoppable, reaching the soft waves of the water, that weren’t going to stay soft and peaceful. Within seconds, they would eat Jungkook alive, leaving not even a dead body for his family to cry over. “Jungkook”, you whimper as he lets himself fall into the water, tears running down your face as you sob uncontrollably. “Mother, don’t! Take me, please!”, you scream, trying to pull his body back up onto the surface, but you knew he was gone, he wouldn’t come back to breathe the salty air, his lungs were already filled with water. “Don’t be stupid, my child! He is just one of them, the other six are already here, let him be! Remember what would happen if you saved him”, she scolds you. “He would die the next time he touches water”, you whisper as you let his hand go, watching his still beautiful but way paler body sink into the darkness. “I could’ve loved him, mother, you know?”

Hours later, you were sitting on your couch, a mug with your favorite tea in your hands, but your empty heart couldn’t get any warmer. Jungkook died, another beautiful soul died, just because you weren’t dead. Because you decided to follow the ocean’s lead. Your eyes were dry, tears no longer forming. You were just staring at the wall, waiting for your Siren sisters to come back from their mission.

The door opens with a squeal, heavy steps were heard, and you turned your head in confusion. Were they really going to hook up with some guys after they just ended six lives? Male laughter echoed through the room, melodic and soft, as the steps came further, and a handsome man came into your sight. “Oh, hi! I’m Jimin! I suppose, you are Y/N? Our new… sister?” “Jimin, don’t scare her, she doesn’t know about this!”, another godlike male stepped into the living room, an annoyed expression on his face. “I’m Yoongi, I don’t even know why I’m here, my voice isn’t made for this. I don’t want to sing people to death, I want to die myself” “Yoongi, shut up!”, a red-haired man flipped Yoongi’s head while plopping down next to you. “I’m Hobi, the entertainer of this group, I will turn your life into a rainbow!”

Your mouth hung open as man after man stepped into your living room, introducing themselves, until… “Hi, I’m Jungkook. I guess mother ocean gave us one more chance.”

[livingmybestfictionallife]

Live Wire --The Dirt--13

Summary:  Wren Ledden, Tommy’s best friend from high school, has had a rough life, and she intends to keep the nitty gritty details of her suffrage to herself until the day she dies. Only Tommy has gotten her to open up about a small portion of her troubles, and it’s only Tommy who she trusts with her life. That is until her life gets turned around sneaking into a concert one night…the same night Motley Crue is born.

Warning! This chapter contains attempted physical abuse. Please be cautious when reading if this triggers you.

A/N: Idk if the slow pace is killing anyone or if you’re liking not having time jumps, so let me know because I’m debating adding a time jump, but I don’t really have to. Please respond with any feedback!

Previous Chapters: Masterlist 

Nikki grumbled as he rolled over in bed, the uncomfortably cinched leather pants from last night still clung to his legs, and slowly, last night returned to him. Vince’s dumb ass shooting coke in the bathroom, Wren angrily disposing of the coke he and Tommy were snorting, him yelling at her, her storming off to her room after slamming a man into the ground, and him going to bed shortly after, still fuming.

As he attempted to stand, his brain pounded against his skull and a straining pain pierced through his eyes. A groan escaped his lips as he felt the alcohol and cocaine hangover in his gut and head. The only solace from his pain was the intoxicating aroma of coffee that drifted through the crack under his door. Slowly, Nikki stood and made his way towards the kitchen, silently hoping he wouldn’t encounter a soul. As his sock-clad feet fell along the carpeted hallway, his frustration with Wren grew as his presence in the living room brought back all the anger he felt the previous night. He knew she was already awake. The lingering aroma of coffee had woken him up, and at first it was comforting, a sensuous reminder of her—mint and coffee either together or apart always led to him thinking of Wren—but as the image of her fist colliding against that man’s face flooded his mind, Nikki couldn’t control the boiling in his blood.

He couldn’t put his finger on why it bothered him so much. He knew Wren was hot headed, that she has reacted violently out of anger before, and that her ability stand her ground had even been something that he admired about her. Why was last night different for him? Why did the smell of coffee leave a hardened knot twisting around in his stomach? Why did he not want to see her? As Nikki found his way into the kitchen, he poured himself a bowl of cereal and lingered in the crevices of the apartment where he hoped she wouldn’t see him.

Suddenly, all of Nikki’s other senses began to overpower those of smell, and he was able to push the scent of coffee from his mind. As he scanned the kitchen, guilt fell over him as he realized Wren had cleaned up the mess he, Tommy, and Vince along with their guests had made the night before. His hands shook slightly as he held the bowl, a side effect from the anxiety he felt as well as the craving he had to drink in order to forget his frustration with Wren and hers with him. His ears could hardly pick up the steady patter of water through the wall behind him as well as the high-pitched squeak that follows when someone turns off the shower. Quickly, Nikki placed his bowl on the counter and desperately searched the apartment for any trace of Tommy—maybe it was him and not her in the shower. Maybe she was gone already. Be serious, where would she have to go? Where would you have to go?

Wren shoved a towel along her limbs and sighed in frustration as she realized the towel wasn’t drying her, rather it was pushing all of the residual water from her skin to the floor. Fuck it, she thought as she examined the puddle around her feet and quickly tied her hair up in the towel, one of the other assholes who live here can clean it. She slipped her legs into her shorts and pulled them up to her waist before she shoved her arms into the sleeves of a t-shirt and shimmied it down her body. She stepped out of the bathroom and wrung the ends of her hair out in the towel, paced past her room and through the apartment to hang the towel over the banister outside to dry. Only upon re-entering her home did she realize she was no longer alone.

“Oh, hey,” she said softly upon noticing the flattened mop of raven-dyed hair poking out from the kitchen.

“Hey,” Nikki offered apathetically in return. He didn’t turn to face her, look her in the eye, or even speak her name. Wren held her tongue. Don’t over react. He’s a dumbass who got wasted last night. He’s just hungover, she tried to reason away Nikki’s obviously sour attitude, but on some level, she was even more angry with him now than she was the night before.

“What time were you wanting to work on some new stuff? I have to call the Roxy at some point today, but that’s all I—”

“I’m not feeling it today.” Whether or not he meant for that simple sentence to cut down any semblance of civility Wren was upholding, Nikki succeeded in pressing a button he knew would cause her to self-destruct.

“You’re ‘not feeling it’,” she mimicked with a tinge of venom in her voice. “What does that mean?”

“It means I’m not in the mood,” Nikki hissed in return as he threw his plastic bowl in the sink and allowed the spoon to clink and clang around in a fury.

“Probably because your dumbass decided to do coke last night,” Wren hissed under her breath as she lowered herself onto the armrest of the couch and folded her arms across her chest.

“Why is that such a big fucking deal to you?” Nikki gasped as his voice raised in aggravation.

“Why is it such a big deal for you?!” Wren snapped in return as she narrowed her eyes and furrowed her brows at him. Both Wren and Nikki glared at one another with their jaws clenched, eyes narrowed, and noses pointed directly ahead. Tunnel vision enveloped them as they spouted insults across the room, and neither noticed Tommy had emerged from Wren’s room wearing nothing by his underwear and a hesitant expression as he examined the scene before him.

“It’s not,” Nikki grumbled as he defiantly took a step forward.

“Then cut that shit out! The band isn’t nearly successful enough for you to fuck it up for us!” Wren snapped.

“For me to fuck it up? I’m on that stage every night playing, what are you doing?!” Wren pursed her lips and sighed heavily in retaliation of Nikki’s words.

“Hey, come on, man. Knock it off,” Tommy’s voice was barely enough to cut through the bellowing from either of his closest friends.

“I’m getting you gigs! I’m marketing you sorry, coke shooting fucks!” Wren jumped up and shouted in response to Nikki’s jaded comment.

“It’s just coke! It’s not amphetamines or fucking heroine! So get that stick out of your ass and back off!” Nikki shouted his hostile words across the three feet that separated them.

“Dude, leave her alone,” Tommy immediately stated as he stepped between the two.

“Come on, Tommy,” Nikki grumbled at the lanky teen pretending to be a barrier between him and Wren. “Clearly she doesn’t need you, or anyone to fight her battles.”

“Yelling at her doesn’t do anything but make her even more mad! You’re just pissing her off to have her pissed off, Nik!”

“Is that what you’re in a mood about?” Wren scoffed as she poked her head out from behind Tommy.

“You made me look like some weak punk!” Nikki countered with fury in his eyes. “You made me look like I need a girl to fight my damn battles when I was headed over there to help you.” Wren folded her arms tightly across her chest and met Nikki’s eyes once Tommy had fallen back to stand beside her.

“I’m not going to pretend to be weak and defenseless to boost your ego! You were piss drunk and fucking high! You could barely stay standing let alone do any real damage to that asshole,” Wren huffed as she paced towards the front door, grabbed her sneakers, and jammed them onto her feet. “Fuck this. I don’t have to sit here and listen to you bitch at me for dumb shit you can’t even vocalize to me because you’re too high at the time to process your emotions,” she grumbled as she tied her laces tight against her feet and swung the door open before taking off down the steps and through the street in a light jog.

Tommy lowered his eyes and pursed his lips so that he was glaring an Nikki. His long brown hair was stringy with sweat from last night’s performance, he needed a shower, and he was expected to be at a girl’s house in less than two hours, yet there he stood, grimacing at the oldest person who lives in their apartment for being a dumbass.

“Get off my dick, Tommy,” Nikki groaned in irritation at the look on Tommy’s face.

“She’s only pissed because she gives a shit about you, you dumbass,” Tommy stated as he punched Nikki in the arm hard enough to make him realize how much of an ass he was being. “She’s pissed because she gives a shit about all of us, about the band,” his voice trailed off as he continued to explain to Nikki the way Wren’s emotional reactions work. “You were a dick, asking her what she’s doing for us. She’s doing more than either you or I could and you just shit on that! I told you from the beginning, she’s a deal-breaker. You don’t get to treat her like shit when she’s just trying to protect Mötley. Wren is choosing to be here, choosing to help Vince with vocals, to help write with you, to help us fucking make it. She could be finishing her Bachelor’s degree somewhere on a full-ride scholarship, but she’s here. She doesn’t fucking need us. We need her!”

“So, I’m not allowed to have a problem with her every now and then? I’m just supposed to get over it if she does something that pisses me off?” Nikki scoffed.

“Yelling at her only makes things worse for both of you. Just talk to her. You’re twenty-three, Nikki. Do you honestly mean to say that a twenty-year-old girl is more capable of responding like an adult than you are?” Tommy sneered as he retreated to Wren’s room to grab a change of clothes from the dresser.

“Wren’s nineteen, just like you,” Nikki’s voice traveled through the rooms of the apartment and into Tommy’s ears.

“No, she’s twenty. Yesterday was her birthday you asshole! You need to make this right.”

***      ***     ***      ***      ***     ***

Wren carefully counted her paces as she ran in order to make sure she was breathing in and out on opposite feet. In school and sports, she hated running, but sometime during her last year of high school, she began to see running as something therapeutic. She cherished her alone time, but often hated to be stuck with her thoughts for longer than a moment. Running seemed like the only solution at the time; not only does she get to be alone and distracted from her thoughts, but she also gets to have the sensation as if she’s running away from her problems. She knew that she would have to go back to the apartment at some point and that like herself, Nikki has no where else in the world to be. It was inevitable that they’d cross paths again in the next ten or twenty minutes, but at least by then she’ll be too tired to fight with him.

After going south on Clark street, cutting behind the Whisky A Go Go, turning south again on Hilldale avenue, and running along the Sunset boulevard until she passed the Roxy, Wren turned around. She still had to call the Roxy, and although she was already at the venue, she didn’t want to represent the band as a sweaty jogger. Still not quite ready to end her run, Wren decided to lengthen her route by continuing north on Hilldale until it intersected with Ozetea Terrace, and then turn right and head south on Clark street.

As she grew closer to the apartment, Wren could make out a vehicle parked along the back side of the apartment building. A black, 1975 GMC pick-up truck was barely visible, and Wren decided to quicken her pace. It wasn’t uncommon to notice strange cars in strange places in Los Angeles, but due to her time living alone on the streets, she was privy to the any danger that could that present itself from that situation. As she approached the stairs leading up to her apartment, Wren noticed the silhouette of a man leaning against the building. He was of relative height and weight, yet everything about him was too familiar. Hazel eyes poked out from strands of long, mousy brown hair that fell over his face, and his hollow cheeks seemed to fill once Wren had finally returned to the building.

“A friend told me where I could find you.” His voice brought back memories of not being able to breathe, of being thrown around, hit, and overpowered. A small, weak, ‘no’ fell from her lips as Wren dashed for the stairs. “You’re not getting away that easy this time!” he growled as Wren hurried to leap up the steps three at a time. She could feel his slender and grubby fingers graze her leg as she took her last two leaps and strides up the stairs and sharply kicked back in defense.

After flinging open the door and closing it shut behind her, Wren cursed her roommates for deciding to take the locks off the door for the party last night. “Tommy!” Wren called out and quickly scanned the room in search of her friend. Quickly, the footsteps outside grew heavier and heavier as Clay came closer to catching her. Heart pounding and tears threatening to spill from her eyes, Wren sprinted through the apartment to the very last room, Nikki’s room. She opened the door and slammed it shut and hastily attempted to turn the lock between her shaking hands. “Nikki I--”

“What do you want? An apology?” he hissed without even looking up from the guitar he held in his hands.

“Please, Nikki,” Wren pleaded as her shaking hands caused the already loose door handle to jiggle uncontrollably.

“I’m not just going to forgive you for--” Nikki’s voice faltered when he finally brought his eyes to the woman before him. Her normally porcelain features were phantom white, her eyes were coated with a heavy veil of tears that she refused to let fall, and he could feel the anxiety and adrenaline that pulsed within her veins as if they were his own. He’d never seen anyone look as terrified as she did in that moment, and her fear put their spat into perspective. She needed him and that was all that mattered. “Wren, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“He’s here,” she panted through deep breaths.

“Who’s here? In the house?” At his words, the pair could hear a fist begin to pound on Wren’s bedroom door.

“I told you I would find you,” Clay hissed as crashing sounds began to occur around the house. He was moving around, searching for her, invading all privacy of their home.

Nikki noticed Wren had frozen the moment she heard his voice. She stopped trying to lock the door, she stopped shaking, she almost stopped breathing in an attempt to be so quiet she couldn’t be found. Throughout the silence of the room, he could hear the steady rise in the sound of footsteps as the man neared where Wren had run to for safety. In a swift movement, Nikki hurried towards Wren, grabbed her by the arms, and pulled her away from the door. As he pushed her behind him, he could feel her fingers tighten around his and the shakiness of her hands from earlier manifested in her grip. He knew she wasn’t capable of letting go of him in that moment, which would make fighting this asshole fairly difficult, so he was careful to keep his bass within reach. As both Nikki and Wren watched the door knob turn and the door creep open, they each tightened their grasp on one another; one in desperate need of support, and the other assuring he wasn’t going anywhere.

“There you are,” the intruder sighed as he locked his sights onto Wren. “Come on, you know we have some unfinished business to get back to.”

“You need to leave,” Nikki stated firmly as he glared at the man before him. He couldn’t have been older than twenty-one or twenty-two, but the small scars on his face made him appear older.

“And what are you going to do about it?” Clay huffed at Nikki, indifferent to his presence.

“Get the hell off this property and stay the fuck away from her, and in return, I won’t kill you where you stand.”

“Really, Wrenny? You’re going to let this guy speak for you?” Clay scoffed as he peered past Nikki and at the sweaty, broken woman behind him.

“Leave me alone,” Wren stated, and although her voice was firm and unwavering, her hands trembled within Nikki’s. At her words, Clay began to make his way forwards. Step by step, he closed in on Wren, even with Nikki acting as a human shield between the two.  Nikki pulled his hand free from Wren’s grasp and threw a solid punch in Clay’s direction. His knuckles cracked when his hand collided with the side of Clay’s face, and Nikki let out a brief shout.

“Run! Go!” Taking heed of his instructions, Wren managed to slip past the two men just as Clay’s fist made contact with Nikki’s face.

“Nikki,” she called out, only to hear him repeatedly yelling for her to run away. Wren tried to take off in a sprint, but not even a second after Clay punched Nikki across the face, he shoved him against the bed and turned to chase Wren. Throwing himself after her in a full-fledged dive, Wren felt her body collide with the ground as another body was pressed against hers. A hand found her breast while another groped along her stomach and ribcage as she writhed beneath the weight of his body and the weight of his torment. As quickly as his body landed on her, it was shoved away. Wren scurried away from where she lay and retreated back into the safety of Nikki’s room to try and keep herself from breaking down. Her breaths were choppy and incomplete, her heart thumped and pounded as if it were that of a racehorse after a derby, and her stomach was emptier than it had ever been, yet it churned with the urge to vomit.

With each passing second, Nikki’s hands began to ache more and more as they took turns striking each side of Clay’s face. Right and then left, right and then left, right, left, right, left; one after the other, Nikki pounded into Clay’s skin until he begged for mercy. Wren saw nothing. She didn’t see Nikki brutally beat Clay for attacking her, she didn’t see him retreat from their home, she couldn’t even hear Nikki’s screams as Clay ran from the apartment and down the stairs to his vehicle. She had her back pressed against the wall and her side pressed against the mattress on the opposite side of the room as the door, attempting to hide from the initial line of sight as she scraped the tears from her eyes and tried her hardest to steady her hands. For a long time, she could feel nothing other than the beat of her own heart and the deep inhales of her own breaths, or at least until Nikki entered the room.

Bloodied, beaten, and bruised, Nikki made his way to where Wren sat. His arms wasted no time in snaking around her back, his head hurried to rest on her shoulder, and his chest ached to be against hers. All he wanted was to reassure her that she was safe. His insecurities from earlier were moot, his anger with her and hers with him had all faded away into dust. Without thinking, Wren crawled closer to Nikki so that she sat on his lap and clung to him as if her life depended on it. A smile crossed his lips and he held her even closer than he had before. Every now and then a hot tear would connect with his skin, but slowly, her tears stopped, her breathing stabilized, and they were simply holding each other. All Nikki wanted was to stay in that moment, and so he held his arms tightly around the woman he never wanted to let go of, and prayed with all his might to anyone who would listen to please not take her away.

Continued Reading: Chapter 14 

Tags: @prettyyoungandbored, @hot-young-runningfree, @crue-sixx, @oskea93, @dancergirl5527​, @thatonemoviefan​, @motley-queen​, @american-satanxx​, @infernalrats​, @gothpanda​

[clubdolan]

Military Brat -- G.D.

idk it was an idea and i couldn’t think of an ending but i wanted to get it typed up

Grayson stretched his neck out and looked at his alarm clock; 3:23 a.m. 

And no one was sleeping next to him.

“Bub, come on.. back to bed, you’ll wake up if he calls..” He grabbed her hand, trying to pull her from the couch. She sat in her pajamas, his clothes, phone in hand, zoned out at the television in front of her.

“Els, c’mon..” He tugged, forgetting the whole reason he was awake was to go to the bathroom. 

“He said yesterday or today, at his lunch time... which is eleven to one which is two to four in the morning here.” She gripped harder onto her phone, checking the screen for the thousandth time that night. “Thirty minutes.”

Grayson sighed, letting go of her hand, “Give me a minute.”

A few minutes later he was back with a bottle of water and a blanket from his bed. “Come on, lay down.”

“I can’t fall asleep.” Elsa groaned, checking her phone again. He pulled her back to his chest and the blanket over her lap, “Gray, I can’t.”

“I’ll stay awake, I’ll hold your phone, you need to go to sleep.” He pulled her head onto his chest and tried to grab her phone but she wouldn’t budge. He didn’t fight it, he just wrapped his hand around hers and pulled her tighter.

Elsa sat up quick, looking at her phone. “I missed it, I probably--

“It’s been fifteen minutes.” He rubbed her back, “I will wake you up if anything pops up on your phone, I promise.”

She leaned forward, her face in her hands, “He’s not gunna call.”

“He’s going to call, he still has ten or fifteen minutes.” 

Elsa held in her sobs, trying to hide her tears from him but he already knew she was crying. Her dad was an Army Major stationed in Germany and she hadn’t spoke to him in two months and hadn’t seen him for almost a year. Her mother had passed away from cancer two years ago and she followed her dreams and moved to LA to continue dancing, which led her to him.

She was a back-up dancer in music videos, at concerts, awards shows and more. Her Instagram had gained a following which led to modeling and sponsorships and now she was considered an ‘influencer’.

She kept her family life off of the internet. All that anyone knew was that her mom had passed from cancer. Of course Grayson knew every detail, every story she told him good or bad, every memory she could remember with her dad and mom in Germany when she was younger, at their first US house in Virginia, their second US house in Texas. He felt like he knew her whole family but in reality, he had never met them.

He continued rubbing her back until she turned around and dug her face into the blanket in his lap, crying harder. “Els, c’mon bub.” He pushed her hair from her face, “I know this has been planned for weeks, he hasn’t forgot. Maybe a meeting has gone too long and he’s taking a late lunch?”

“I don’t know.. I just wish I could text him.. or email him. Or he would let me know somehow.. I just wait and wait--

She went silent as her phone vibrated, a little tune playing from it, DAD going across the screen.

“Oh my god, hi dad.” She cried out, now tears of happiness were flowing. 

“Hi Elsie-bug, sorry it’s so late, a meeting went a little long...” Grayson heard a muffled voice and left her on the couch, pushing the blanket around her shoulders. “Fill me in on everything, I’ve got a while.”

Grayson fell back asleep, hearing her little laugh every now and then & as he woke back up at six, he was still alone in bed. 

Elsa sat on the couch, sun peeking through the windows, smiling down at her phone as she typed away. “Morning, Gray!” She spoke up, giving him a smile. “My dad has an email I can send things to right now, so I’m pretty much blowing up his inbox while he’s working, I don’t know when it’ll be shut down.”

“Breakfast?”

“Please.” She groaned, thinking of how empty her stomach was. With her head still down she followed Grayson into the kitchen, “Remember when we went to Universal and got stuck on The Mummy ride?” She laughed, attaching the picture to an email and typing a caption. “I just want to send him my whole camera roll.”

“Please don’t send him your whole camera roll or he will not let you date me.”

“He probably wouldn’t even let me have a phone.” They both laughed, “He doesn’t know if he will be able to come home in the next two months. It could be six months before he’s back.”

“That sucks, but at least you can email him now, keep in contact more often. Tell him how great I am before I eventually meet him someday.” He sat a bowl of oatmeal in front of her, “I will eventually meet him, right?”

“Of course.” She finally put her phone down and sat on the counter to eat breakfast. Grayson walked back and forth making a protein shake for him and a smoothie for her; both chocolate peanut butter.

“I’m going to go workout--

“I’m going to sleep.”

“You’re making me work out alone?” He groaned, “But.. fine.”

“Bring your sweaty, little body back to bed when you’re done.”

“I can’t believe you just called me little.” He walked towards her, standing between her legs. “My sweaty, little body.”

“Sweaty... little... body...” She poked at his chest, “The smallest I’ve ever seen. You say you drink protein? Do you even have leg day?” Grayson laughed as she pulled his shirt off of him, “You call that a six-pack?”

“It’s practically an eight pack” he leaned forward, pinning her between the coffee machine and himself. 

Elsa grabbed his arms, her nails scraping along the back, “Your arms are so small, do you work out or just sit on the floor in there? These are pitiful. I ca--”

“You can talk shit about my arms all you want but I know you can get off by just thinking about them, so I’d shut up if I were you.” He mumbled against her mouth, leaving a quick kiss before going to their gym.

Elsa kicked off her shorts and shirt, putting on the shirt she had just taken off Grayson as she buried herself in the sheets exactly where he had laid the night before.

@ElsaOwens: 6:45am = Perfect bed time.

---reply: No I wasn’t partying, I didn’t just get home, I finally got to talk to my dad after two months of waiting. #armybratproblems 

She didn’t even remember putting her phone down before she was woken up by a weight dropping down on her whole body. Without thinking she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed the side of his head, “I’m still sleeping.”

“Do you want me to order you lunch with mine? Sushi.”

“My usual please.” She kissed the side of his head again before unwrapping her arms, expecting him to get up. 

“I’m tired.”

“Take a nap.” She tapped the top of his head, beginning to play with his hair.

“I want under the blanket.” He whined, standing up on his knees to push the whole blanket back before he dove back on top of her, shoving his head into her chest.

“You’re ... damp.”

“It’s my sweaty, little body.” He mimicked her, “Cardio and upper-body today.”

“Fuck-yeah upper body.” She rubbed her hands around on his stomach. 

“Ohh, fuck yeah upper body.” He made fun of her, pushing his shirt up her body, “Your naked.”

“I’m naked.” She giggled, watching him lay his head back down on her chest.

“I’m happy you got to talk to your dad today.” It was a cute moment, really it was. Elsa watched his eye lashes flutter close and she knew he really meant it. Her whole attitude had done a flip in the best way possible.

“You can’t get all touchy with me and then mention my dad.” Her finger trailed up and down his arm, leaving goosebumps along the way. “That’s like me teasing you and then mentioning Eth--

“Don’t fucking say his name.”

“---than.” She finished, pausing her finger. “Ruins it, doesn’t it?”

“I’ll still fuck the living day lights out of you. I don’t give a shit about my brother.” He mumbled into collar bone, “I hope he hears every second of it.”

“He left before you woke up. Surfing with Kyle or something?” She flinched as Gray bit into her skin, “Ugh, fuck, Gray.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Grayson’s voice felt shaky and he wasn’t even talking. His phone screen was dark and he waited impatiently for it to light up, he didn’t have much time, Elsa would be home in almost an hour.

A foreign number popped up and with a shaky hand he slid the bar over and answered it, “Hello?”

“So you’re Grayson? The one my daughter won’t shut up about?” A man laughed on the other line, “It’s nice to... somewhat, meet you.”

“You too, sir.” Grayson had tried to prepare but he didn’t want Elsa to know her dad was calling him. He had snuck her phone, copied the address and sent a short email to him. Days later he was on the phone, soon talking to her dad like they were old friends.

“I’m exhausted.”

“You’ve been on the phone for thirty minutes, what’s that exhausting?” Ethan asked from the other couch, pulling his ear buds out.

“It was Elsa’s dad and I’m trying to plan a surprise for her to see him.” He sighed, “Well I think I just did plan a surprise for her to see him......” 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

They came up with a fake video idea so them filming with Kyle didn’t seem suspicious. Elsa tagged along as they ran a few places just wasting time until her dad had landed.

“Els.”

“I’m not in this video, I’m not doing it...... what?” She asked, holding her own Target bag in hand walking to Ethan’s Jeep.

Grayson took the bag from her and put it in the car, “We just have to run and get Ricky at the airport, Kyle forget he said he’d pick him up.”

“Okay?” She looked at him funny, as if they needed her permission to go somewhere. “I’m literally just here to be here. I have no plans.”

Over an hour later they pulled into the airport parking lot and got out of the car, “Can’t he just walk--

“No we’re going in to get him, it’s a foreign flight and he’s got like three bags and we want to embarrass him with a sign.” He held his hand out and she grabbed onto it, pushing her sunglasses back to hold her messy ponytail in place. 

It took everything in him not to shake as they walked towards the airport. He knew Ethan and Kyle were behind them, filming, knowing exactly what was going on.

They all stood at the foreign arrivals gate, Ethan handed a rolled up poster to Elsa and had her hold it up to ‘see if it would fit in frame’. With a lousy smirk she held it up, watching him and Grayson keep backing up until it was all in frame. 

“Perfect! Now read the sign!” Grayson yelled, pointing down. 

Elsa was ready to read something dumb about Ricky, see an edited photo of him or some practical joke pulled on her but her eyes teared up as she read out loud, “I’ve waited a year to see my dad and I have no idea he’s right behind me.”

Her body froze and she dropped the sign and turned around. Her dad stood before her, Army fatigues and a bouquet of flowers.

The next few minutes was a whirl-wind. She hugged her dad for as long as possible, she cried the most she had in months, she didn’t even remember they were in airport or in public or that she was being filmed until her dad sat her down and said they could probably, “get going now.”

As she wiped her face off she saw Grayson standing next to her dad’s bags, holding her purse she had dropped on the floor with a little smirk on his face. “No way... no... you didn’t...”

“Nice to finally meet you, Grayson. In person.” Her dad stuck his hand out and Grayson shook it.

“In person.. so... wait, what?”

“I’ve talked to him a few times.. on the phone..” He acted cocky for keeping the secret. “Ethan and Kyle went to get the Jeep and your car is almost here. You’ve got dinner reservations with your dad.”

Elsa turned to look at her dad, back to Grayson then back to her dad, “All his idea.” Her dad said, looking at Grayson. 

“I can’t believe you.” She hugged him, starting to cry again. “I wanna be mad at you for not telling me but I can’t.”

He squeezed her tight, he felt her cry again, he felt her heart beating fast and could tell it meant everything to her. “He had a week off so we figured something out, you’ve got things all week to do with him.”

“With us, you’re coming with us, right Grayson?” Her dad spoke up.

Elsa nodded her head quickly, “Yes, he is. If he can. Can you?”

“I have a meeting one day but I can probably work the others out.” Elsa squeezed his arm and dug her head into his shoulder, “But dinner tonight is just you two. It’s already paid for. It’s your favorite place.”

They walked to the black SUV waiting outside and talked about the upcoming week, “It’s like two worlds colliding..” Elsa explained, “A good colliding.”

She kept her goodbye with Grayson short and sweet, her dad had never seen her with a boyfriend, let alone one she had been with for a while or one that went to this amount of planning to surprise her.

Grayson went to shake his hand but her dad hugged him, “Thank you, Grayson. For taking care of her.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

At midnight Elsa came running into Ethan and Grayson’s house as if someone was chasing her. “Where’s--

“He’s working out.” Ethan mumbled through a bite of food. 

She dropped her bag, shoes and whatever she could before rounding the corner and bursting into their workout room. Music was blaring and Grayson was laying on the ground, eyes squinted close as she silently counted sit-ups.

He almost started throwing punches when a body was on top of him, grabbing his face and straddling his chest. “I can’t fucking believe you.”

“Holy shit, bub. I almost hit you.” He sighed in relief, relaxing his muscles as they fell to the floor. “I’m glad you were surprised, I thought you would have figured it out by now.”

“I had zero idea.”

“Good.” He laughed, “Why are you here so late? You have to be up early tomorrow to get--

“I couldn’t sleep.” 

“I didn’t want to sleep.”

“I just.”

“I wanted to come say thank you.” Her thumb brushed along his stubbly chin, “So, thank you.”

Grayson’s hands slid up her back and he pulled her down to meet him better, “You’re so very welcome.” 

Their lips pulled apart and she couldn’t stop looking at him. The love of her life, had taken his own time, his own money, to give her the best gift of all time. “I still can’t believe--

“Believe it.” He laughed, “None of this is fake.” 

Grayson groaned into her mouth as she kissed him again, sliding her body down his. “I know Ethan’s coming in here to run so please let’s go to my room or literally anywhere else but here.” He quickly said, sitting up with her on his lap. 

She didn’t answer, she kept kissing him and he kept kissing back. “You’re going to be mad....” He tried to talk, “If Ethan walks in here.”

“I don’t even care if my dad asks why I arrive to breakfast with you tomorrow or if I’m wearing your shirt as a dress, I’m staying here tonight.”

idk how to end this bye