#idk how much of this is overthinking or how much of it is nostalgia for the first wlw romance little me ever got to play in a game but

[gen-kenobi]

Currently replaying Dragon Age: Inquisition for the first time (properly) since I was a teenager, and I think I'm finally starting to hone in on why I love the Inquisitor/Josephine romance so much. Specifically, a Mage Lavellan/Josephine romance, where one has been raised to become Keeper (now Inquisitor) and the other the bearer of all her family's burdens.

It's like, the weight of this legacy on my shoulders is crushing. Don't you dare take it away. The two of them know duty, responsibility, have inherited both since before they could remember.

Lavellan was bound to become Keeper, and now Inquisitor. They exist as the head of a legacy that has eclipsed them, the individual, and left a symbol in its wake. Josephine is a Montilyet, an Ambassador, the face she presents to the world has been carefully constructed to survive the Game. Her purpose fulfils and shackles her. Both are tied to a history, a legacy, a duty they cannot truly escape. Struggle against it all they might, they were never going to lead quiet lives.

It's like, everybody is looking at us. Nobody sees us. I see you.

[rypnami]

Interview with a Writer

tysm for the tag @thefeatherwrites ! ily 💗

When did you start writing?

i’ve been writing little stories all my life, but i first started properly plotting/writing full ideas around 2016

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

angst. when it comes to writing, i’m almost entirely wholesome fluff- even when i try to write angst it always ends up being soft and sweet in the end. but i eat up reading peoples’ angst fics like there’s no tomorrow!!

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

other than some of my more talented mutuals?? ummm idk actually. i’ve always loved tui sutherland’s writing style (although that may be driven somewhat by childhood nostalgia). casey mcquiston is another author who’s writing i adore- i’d love to write like them.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

anywhere and everywhere. in the car, in my bed, cuddling on the sofa with my dogs, etc. it does make it hard to focus when i’m not in a quiet environment, and i’d love to have a dedicated writing space, but right now i just don’t have one TwT

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

i’m literally always thinking about my fics, possible aus, and all that. sometimes re-reading favourite fics, or watching good television, can help me stay inspired !

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

all of my fics involve a healthy dose of fluffiness. often with a liiiittle bit of angst mixed in, just to keep it interesting, but yeah. lots of wholesomeness.

it is a bit surprising to me, mostly because i’m not the most cheerful person around. most people who know me irl expect me to write sad stuff. perhaps fluffy work is my form of escapism

What is your reason for writing?

i just love it! i have soooo many ideas in my head and i adore getting them out of my head and sharing them!! even if not a lot of people read what i write, i appreciate the few that do and ily all so much 💗

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

all comments tbh!! i don’t get a lot so when i do i cherish it. but the ones that always stick out are the ones that are loving and show that the commenter really paid attention to what i wrote. i’ve gotten a few longer, detailed comments before and those always make my whole week!!

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

i mean just being perceived is pretty neat! but if my work inspires others that would also be cool as hell. so i suppose inspiring? one day i want to write something worthy of having art made of it or that people wait for updates for. i want to be valued if that makes sense.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

setting an emotional tone. i’ve been told im good at getting across the vibe a scene is supposed to have, or the tension in the air etc.

How do you feel about your own writing?

i’m certain it’s not very good- i always overthink and am a perfectionist. i can’t live up to my own standards, and especially after sharing a community with such talented and amazing people i feel a bit like i don’t measure up.

no pressure tags for some of my favourite writers!! - @girl-named-matty @audrxyweasley @therozpoz @myokk @blueraineshadows @cuffmeinblack @kaidynsarell

[williamaltman]

Life is Strange 2 thoughts/feelings/review

So, Life is Strange 2. I finished the game yesterday and watched the other endings today. Things are not as fresh in my mind as if I had just finished and I talked a bit about it in other places so this feels a bit hard, but I'll try to lay down all my thoughts...

First of all... All my homies love LIS2, fuck you if you don't like LIS2! Seriously though, for years I've seen people say that the game wasn't good, that the characters weren't as good as the ones from the first one, that the Sean/Daniel relationship wasn't that interesting... I kinda did suspect it was just nostalgia goggles or whatever, but now I know for sure. I don't think there's anything wrong with connecting more with LIS1 and having a deeper relationship with it, but in this case I think you shouldn't even be comparing them and expecting the game to live up to that to you in the first place.

Now, onto the actual game. God, this was so fucking heartbreaking. I think I cried in every single episode. The very core premise of the story is just so sad, so unfair, and despite the powers so rooted in reality that it left me legit feeling uncomfortable with how fucked up their whole situation was. There are good moments, sure, but honestly every single thing that happens from the moment their dad is shot is just... Not how their life should've had to be.

Sure, LIS1 and BTS had dark themes too. But here, it's like, they lose everything from the beginning. Sean doesn't get to go to his party, to hang out with Lyla, to continue his normal life in any way. Daniel loses a part of his childhood. They're both forced to grow up so much faster than they should. There's a line Sean says in episode 3, and it's just a little idle VO, but it fucking crushed me, "Stop overthinking. You're not a teenager anymore". Even though he's fucking 16... He's 16 and he has to essentially become a parent. I knew what the game was about and lowkey followed it a bit when it was releasing, knew a few spoilers, but that didn't make anything any less heartbreaking.

I thought it was beautiful how the game took the opportunity to showcase and celebrate alternate lifestyles. The "family", Away, their freedom and how they interacted with society brings so much into perspective. I'm still a bit conflicted about Karen tbh, but I'm glad that at least they did show something beautiful through her story.

My biggest problem overall is probably how they handled the Finn romance route... I knew back when the game was releasing that despite adding a male LI, they pushed the female one more onto you and gave her more content, while locking the option to kiss him with a "bad choice" (I didn't know what exactly it was). And yeah, that is still true. I still think it was a mistake to lock the kiss with accepting the heist, and while I kinda understand the writer's explanation for that, I still think it could've been handled in another way, or they could've just let him kiss you and "betray" you by doing the heist anyway, since he still does that when you're friends lol.

I see people complaining that because they moved from place to place each episode, there wasn't enough time to connect with the characters... Idk if I'd say I disagree, but it just wasn't really the case for me. I was very invested in all the relationships, in Finn, Cassidy, Jacob, Chris, Karen. Everyone at the farm was cool and everyone in Away too. Lyla. You get so many tidbits about the characters even when they're not there on screen. The only thing I have to say which is kinda related to that, is that I think the time jumps were maybe a bit too big, and that the way they handled Mushroom was... weird.

I got the Parting Ways ending, and I'm satisfied with it. I kinda planned to get it, but only in the sense that I was spoiled that you get with Finn there. I didn't know that the whole morality thing had anything to do with it, and I played the first two episodes without even knowing that there was a points system about that and about brotherhood. I just made all the choices that were high morality (besides killing the cougar and the heist) because it was what I would do, and tried to be a good brother for Daniel. I figured that choosing to cross the border would most likely give me that one, but I just couldn't accept Sean having to go to prison for 15 years for something he didn't even do. If we were able to choose between Parting Ways and Blood Brothers, then I would actually be conflicted about which I wanted.

With the way the game's system works though, where you need to have low morality to get Blood Brothers, I couldn't really do it. I can't imagine myself teaching Daniel to be selfish and not care about killing people. I actually think it's super cool to watch Daniel use his power offensively and fuck shit up, but it just wouldn't be my version of the story. It's funny because, if we just played as Daniel, I wouldn't mind going that route. But since we play as Sean, with it being our job to raise Daniel, I feel a different kind of responsability towards leading him to become a good person. I also think it's beautiful that he gets to have the rest of his childhood, teenagehood, and live a "normal" healthy life with his grandparents. He does it in the redemption one too, but as I said, that just screws up Sean too much.

So, I'm a little disappointed that they're separated (and maybe can't ever see each other again? I'm a bit confused about Daniel's situation and whether he could visit), and that it's a bit shorter than the others (at least than the redemption one), but it IS the ending my playthrough led to and in that I'm satisfied.

I think this story is just incredible. It touched me so much, and the fact that some people can't see it genuinely frustrates me. The people complaining it's too political in particular can just go fuck themselves. It might not be perfect, but like with all things I appreciate, I'm just so glad it exists.

[itsslivernotsilver]

Ok dude I've been going nuts thinking about this show /pos

Since she's your fav, tell me about your favorite MIST moments PLEASE

ok hi sorry this took so long to answer i was overthinking everything and then i got distracted but this is literally the best question i’ve ever been asked omfg

honestly the main reason mist caught my eye is because i’ve always liked characters who are misunderstood by others. maybe it’s just projection but there’s something so compelling about character who can be surrounded by people who love and care for them, yet still feel isolated. when s2 finally released, i went on reddit (ew) to see how people reacted to her and it was split between “she’s cute i like her” and “oh my god she’s so annoying and terrible.” after that i loved her even more cause i got defensive lmao but all in all i just really like the premise of her character and i think she’s adorable and fun and she spices up the cast because sometimes they get a little monotone idk

so i don’t really feel like screen recording a bunch of videos and stuff so here’s some silly moments that i really liked in no particular order and then i’ll talk about other stuff

isn’t she adorable :)))

ok so one part that i really like is her convo with maddie about nostalgia in yair. something about this scene just hits really hard because she’s trying!!!! she’s really trying to connect with maddie in the only way she knows how. and it’s just never going to happen. there’s such a large gap between them that makes it almost impossible to fully understand one another. like. ok so maddie had been willing to empathize with her dad because while his upload was drastic, it was still her dad. she still has those bonds from before his upload and she can understand that he was once a person. but mist doesn’t have anyyy of that. she’s completely different and maddie can’t reconcile her digital-ness with her humanity because there’s not much to begin with. there’s a constant disconnect between the two and oh my GOD is it compelling your honor i love them so much

another thing that has always stood out was her fight with holstrom during apokalypsis and the aftermath. she immediately approaches holstrom with such fervor and she argues from a logical perspective, aka “you’re planning genocide, here’s the definition of genocide, my name is mist kim you killed my father prepare to die” type shit. but what ultimately gets her to rethink her views on him is that he frames his plan as saving a doomed society rather than committing genocide. the argument boils down to the main message of the show, “are UIs (and CIs) actually human and not just glorified corpses?” holstrom weaponizes her disconnect with nostalgia against her by calling it humanity’s fault rather than a Normal Human Emotion (also it’s super interesting how much he uses “us” when talking to her idk). and mist really struggles to reconcile the 2 perspectives she’s heard when it comes to nostalgia. she needs someone to inform her on things like social cues and human experiences because she’s never felt them. she tries to connect with maddie once again by saying “we talked about nostalgia, just like you and i” but maddie is obviously upset because she’s annoyed that mist simply can’t understand a lot of nuances regarding the importance of the physical world. i think maddie’s biases really shine here because of how quickly she shuts down mist rather than caspian who’s just like. sitting there the whole time lmao. she’s so set on labeling holstrom as genocidal because the two options he’s giving humanity are death or uploading, both of which are underneath living normally to her. mist, being a CI herself, gets that uploading isn’t necessarily the end all be all of life, and is “more open” to holstrom’s ideas of nostalgia being the true genocidal factor. i think this line from the short stories also adds a little flavor here, specifically “the way the shapes of her decision algorithms seemed adapted for the methods of warfare.”

obviously there’s a lot more expansion in the show but i feel like it’d be cool to mention this. she charges at holstrom harshly, but upon learning more information, she heads back to maddie and caspian to rethink the plan of attack, which is pretty warfare-y to me but idk i just thought it was a fun little connection.

finally i wanted to mention her plot line with the CIs real quick because it felt like a culmination of her whole character yk???? she’s fighting for a world where she can be with the UIs and humans she cares about, but she can also be with those who can fully understand her. it’s such a defining cause for her character and it’s just so well done. anyways i think that’s it for now but i just think mist is really neat and so is her sibling dynamic with maddie :)))

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

50% into kotlc, here are some thoughts ive had since the 25% mark :D

@aylin-hijabi @that-multi-fandom-hijabi sorry for tagging yall a lot lmao

first thing that comes to mind thats plot-related n not character-related is prentice. he was exiled 12 years ago, same age as sophie. its so obviously not a coincidence. tho i wonder whats up w him n tiergan (idk how to spell lmao i feel like thats wrong)

also, i wonder just how strong sophie is. like, the way she knocked fitz into the wall ??? thats her not knowing the full extent of her powers. i have a feeling shes always gonna be one of those main characters whos extremely powerful but constantly throughout the series she finds new abilities she has. kinda like percy jackson

im also realizing how stupid ill seem if im just overanalysing everything and my guesses are too far-fetched or too deeply thought out to really mean anything lololol

moving to character-related, i adore dex. he seems kinda spiteful tho ??? esp towards fitz. thats prolly bc the vacker family is apparently rlly famous n shit n meanwhile dexs parents were a bad match. still dont rlly get what that means. i feel like theres more to him. also his crush on sophie is adorable

KEEFE. nothing, just... keefe. havent seen much but from what i HAVE seen, hes hilarious. i remember aylin mentioning that hes like leo valdez in that theyre both hot, funny, and traumatized... still waiting on the 'traumatized' part. she also said hes less major in this book n more major in the second book, so maybe ill find out then

midterms are gonna go wrong just wait i just know it

biana seems acc genuine in wanting to be friends w sophie. but there was one point when she was talking to sophie n there was smth like a glare for a moment ?? idk kinda sus to me. maybe im overthinking it cause i cant think of a possible motive

marella seems cool. in the art, shes absolutely gorgeous, but so is everyone in this goddamn book. also notable that the first time i saw her name i misread it as 'redneck' 💀💀💀

stina is a bitch. nothing else to say, except that she looks terrifyingly like me? except different eye color n i wear glasses loll. i hope to see some character development cause i personally hate the trope of "token mean girl" in books (like drew tanaka or zoya nazyalensky) cause theyre so one dimensional n boring (although zoya does become majorly more likeable throughout the grishaverse books, im hoping to see the same in stina)

irrelevant but the amount of times sophie is ending up in the infirmary reminds me of a roleplay w my friends from like three years ago oml the nostalgia (cause there would at all times be at least one character in the infirmary injured or nearly dead bc we needed that drama to keep the rp going LMAO)

overall, theres not as much to say as there was at the 25% mark. (i feel like theres more i wanna say but i cant think of anything.) prolly cause since then, the book has mainly been abt learning abt the elves' world n culture. i think by the 75% point im gonna have a lot more to say, n then ill post the final update thingie when im 100% done w the book

ill be 75% done in 89 pages, but the last day of midterm is tomorrow, so god knows how long thatll take me :') i promise to try thooo

oh also galvins a bitch but i feel like she has trauma fsr idk shes just giving

[fungal-wasted]

For the ask game

Narrator 1: number 11, 19 and 45

Narrator 2: number 40, 22 and 7

Please :3

Jakfkddn themmm something tells me you didn't ask me about them before because you werent aware of them, or you didn't know how to refer to them which, valid, Idk how to refer to them either.

The "narrators" don't have names and are basically the "main characters" in my current WIP. The reason they lack proper names is that I couldn't think of names for a while and nothing fits, BUT ALSO I want them to feel relatable and a bit like blank slates, and I want to explore the different contexts in which we don't call someone by their name even if we do know what it is. So yeah, formally let's just go by narrator 1 and 2

Summary (bc they have main character privileges and I have thought about them for a while):

Narrator 1: in general they're decently logical, not too confident because of unspoken guilt, and sort of adventurous.

Narrator 2: sometimes spontaneous, not introverted at all, and not really admired.

Narrstor 1:

11 - logical: they're prone to daydreaming and thinking of hypotheticals, but they're definitely logical. They're quick to draw conclusions from what they know, figure out more complex or abstract ideas and take decisions based on that. I'd say they got that pretty well.

19 - confident: HHHH not very. One of the issues of this character is that they've always explored different possibilities but they still have not found their calling in life or an identity to stand by. They can get a bit self-conscious and try to seek approval from others to both know what they're good at and who they should strive to be. HOWEVER, part of this... lack of confidence comes from [redacted] which they tried hard to suppress but it may become relevant for the story soon. They feel guilty of something and that regret is still carrying even when they're not fully aware of what it is.

45 - Adventurous: Between N1 and N2, N1 is the one that feels more drawn to explore other places and is the best prepared to do so. They're not a great fighter though, even if they're pretty resilient. Still, this whole idea of going around the kingdom and seeing the places they used to know after so long since anyone took care of the place is super intriguing to them. They also enjoy the idea of walking everywhere, to get a good look at everything around them and create a good mental picture of the world around them. They'd love to be the guy you could ask about a place and they could response "Oh I know everything about this!" and just infodump tips about the place.

Narrator 2:

40 - spontaneous: Yeah! They're quick to think and come up with ideas whenever there are several viable paths. As long as they're in terrritory that's somewhat faimilar for them they'll be fine! I'd say they're both creative in what they say, like coming up with a comeback in an argument, and in solving some practical problems. They're not much for overthinking things and prefer to just go with the flow and hope they made the right call.

22 - introverted: Naaaah they're on the extroverted side. They can do small talk with anyone, they had a few share of friends and were in general a joy to be around. Still, everything that's happened to them kind of makes them look back on those days with a hint of nostalgia, because the world feels too broken for that part of them to be relevant. Sure they're an extrovert but why does that matter? Better make sure to make it through the day.

7 - admired: Again they're very average for a bug. I feel like it sounds boring on the outside but it's a bit of The Point for this character. That doesn't mean that others don't see virtues in them though. They're agile, they're creative, but yeah Idk if they've found anything that would make others admire them. It's like looking at some stranger who passed by you on the street, no big deal.

[sugarlove12]

U GUYS DONT THINK I FORGOT TO COMPLETE MY GIVEN SONGS ANALYSIS SERIES! I’m so sorry I’ve been mostly inactive, even with my tumblr friends (I love u guys im sorry😭) but I’m on my 4th year of med school so the past semester was kinda tough, ngl this one is also looking rough but I promise to be more active, now LET’S GO!!!

DISCLAIMER: this analysis isn’t by any means the definite or “real” meaning, this is just my overthinker ass trying to hurt myself more 🤣 so it’s totally ok and normal if u don’t agree or even if it really wasn’t Atsushi’s intention, once again this is just how I perceive the meaning.

Bokura dake no Shudakai

This song is my personal favorite, I remember that back when the movie’d just released and everything was pretty recent, just hearing the beginning would bring me to absolute tears, and that would be enough to cancel my chores for the day (just like Kizuato and Fuyu no Hanashi when I watched the anime for the first time) till this day it makes a pretty big hole in my heart cuz of the beautiful and sad lyrics.

Let’s start with the first sentence: “We cant go back anymore” -> can someone explain how is it that just one sentence can move me so much, specially cuz we can all agree this could be Uge’s pov, so remembering all the recent events he’s going thru, like breaking up with Aki for good and also accepting that he’s found a new love, learning how to be alone, etc, I can’t help it but feel kinda sad and nostalgic about it.

And that’s something I wanna point out about this song and is WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WAY TO CONVEY NOSTALGIA OMG I FELT AS IF I WAS UGE HIMSELF AND IM JUST REMEMBERING MY MEMORIES WITH MY EX.

Moving on to the pre chorus we can see that Uge is saying that even with the “scratches” that he had, he is gonna move on from those sad days he spent crying and his past with Aki.

Now my personal favorite and the part I always get the most emotional: THE CHORUS.

When he says: I’m going, nee mitete yo (look at me) -> idk how to explain how much this gets me HAHAHA but there’s a je ne sais quois, like i feel him saying it kinda in a cutesy playful but lowkey sad way(? Im crazy ok don’t take this too srsly.

“We used to laugh at odd things, got mad at differences, I’ll make the dream I had with u come true”: this sentence to me describes perfectly when u break up with someone and there are times u find yourself reminiscing the past, those fun silly moments, unnecessary fights and u find yourself saying wow did we really fight bc of that? How immature!

Ik I’ve been saying this a lot but this really breaks me: “When I’m sad, extremely difficult times, I remember the time spent together on this memory, in the back of my mind” I’m honestly not even gonna say anything about it cuz u know when u hold someone dear and the memories with them can help u go thru hard times? Well that’s it there’s nothing more to add😹.

In the second verse we can see what u expect to experience post break up (or at least I think so) u wanna see them but everything’s cool and since that person was so important to you, you wanna be happy when u see them and u can even laugh it off or hug it out.

But to be quite honest that’s not the case for the most part ☹️.

Finally we have the bridge where to me is the most realistic part cuz u know how Uge did in fact wanted to break up with Aki cuz he knew it was for the best, but he never committed 100% to that, and now it was finally happening, so all that realization of breaking up and those feelings can be sensed in here cuz he says “I want to disappear, escape, in the screaming despair, I resented the encounter and even the miracle”

Now really the chorus again so it would end up killing me: “I’m looking for something more important than you, for you who is more important than anything” -> now with this it gives the same feeling as in Yorugaakeru’s “daijoubu” sensing that in fact Uge is gonna move on from all the pain.

At the end of the song we can listen just the violin and to me that can be Uge standing alone, saying goodbye to Aki. ❤️

Special bonus:

We can see our baby Uge is doing just fine and honestly I wish him all the happiness in the world cuz as much as Aki hurt in the relationship, he was in the same position as him, so I can’t wait to see him grow more and more as a character ❤️

[clownmoontoon]

Was wondering this for a while but if the Animaniacs show up in space jam 2, do you think they'll be drawn more closely to their original designs or reboot designs? Was curious about your thoughts for this 😳

OH MAN... i thINK theyd go w the og designs?? IM BASING THIS MOSTLY ON THAT I THINK THE NEW SPACE JAM MOVIE IS BANKING ON “NOSTALGIA MONEY” AS THEIR BIGGEST GET plus kids who love lebron but idt the warners would help w that >:Ic

but its the PARENTS of the kids who are paying for it so tHONK EMOJI ALSO MAYBE IM JUST HOPING FOR OG DESIGNS SDLKJKLD i miss their clown noses so much 🥺 bUT TBH ID BE HAPPY WITH REBOOT DESIGNS IF thEY JUST sHOW UP IN SPACE JAM AT ALL SOBS 

tho i wonder if that would upset the canon .. would they care?? i mean its believable enough that bugs bunny and the rest live in their toon world but the animaniacs ppl did sO MUCH to show how the warners live in our world sO IDK IM PROB OVERTHINKING IT AND THEY WONT WORRY ABOUT THE CANON BC, AGAIN, ✨NOSTALGIA MONEY✨ SDLJKJKLD

I WONDER IF TOON WORLD IS EVEN GONNA BE A THING IN THE NEW ONE i read somewhere that space jam 2 is Not A Sequel... hmm

YEAH IDK bUT THEN AGAIN IT WOULD FIT W THE CANON IF THEYRE ALL JUST ACTORS IN THE MOVIE SO 

DO THE RIGHT THING AND GIVE US SPACE JAM WARNERS!!

[starrypawz]

So I’ve been reading through the PJO series lately, I’m currently on The Last Olympian and like I generally do like PJO but to me I have a gripe that tbh I think is a gripe I have with a lot of like ‘actiony kids/teen aimed works’

I never read PJO the first time around, my only exposure to it prior to now was watching the Lighting Thief film at one point and I basically don’t remember it much so I don’t have any nostalgia googles for it. ATM I’m like nearly half way through The Last Olympian.

I mean there’s a chunk of this that could be me overthinking a series aimed at kids but

It’s implied very strongly that being a half-blood is dangerous. This I understand and is a concept I can roll with but it’s also like there’s apparently enough kids around for there to be a camp that’s been there for years with a noticeable amount of kids around that come and go every year.

Like it’s implied at points quite a few of the campers seem to just turn up for the summer and go back home like any other camp. Which to me kinda conflicts with the IT’S MEGA DANGEROUS thing. Even if I think there’s some in canon handwaving about how some kids maybe only need a year or two at camp and will be totes fine. But then there’s other stuff implying a lot of half bloods don’t make it until their 18th birthday I think so like... uh that’s a bit contradictory?

(I’m also a bit eh on the implication in the PJO universe that various historical people are apparently half bloods but that’s a whole nother kettle of fhish)

PJO is like really vague about how many campers ARE at CHB, I think there’s meant to be 100 at the start of the series? And that apparently dwindles as time goes on. Compare that to H/P where I think there always at least a bit of a sense of scale about how many kids were at H/ogwarts at any given time/

There’s no concrete numbers on who is in which cabin other than the fact Hermes has tonnes in it and Percy and Tyson are the only inhabitants of their cabin for example.

And this bugs me since yeah as the stakes mount, characters die, leave or defect it’s like... what are we dealing with here? How many kids? How old are they? You apparently have kids from around 11 to 18 at the camp that’s gonna change things up etc.

And this is sort of more an issue with writing from a first person viewpoint I think. But like a lot of stuff comes over sorta shallow. Like other than Percy’s friends + allies we don’t really get much else. Also like did we really get much focus on the Aphrodite children beyond like ‘wow they’re all into makeup and stuff lol’

Like I found this like especially in relation to like parts where campers got harmed or died.

Like I feel a lot of the deaths in PJO don’t really carry enough emotional/narrative weight to them? Like I’m aware Henry’s death is like used for carrying the plot but it’s sort of a bit like ‘Oh Henry died... the camp was kinda sad’

Like the death of an Apollo camper is mentioned and it’s really sort of just like ‘Uh wow this dude died who I didn’t rly kno that sux?’

Like just random names are chucked up here and there but a lot of the time the characters have no real weight to them idk. Like I said I think that’s more a limitation of the narrative style of PJO since everything is only from Percy’s POV.

There’s also just also the whole like ‘Bunch of preteens and teens ending up in like traumatic and deadly situations’ angle. Like this isn’t exclusive to PJO but like whilst a chunk of characters have implications/outright confirmation they had a shitty homelife prior to CHB I’m a bit like ‘Ok but surely quite a few of the kids especially the ones that were return campers must’ve had like fairly normal homelives, you can’t just like throw a bunch of teens into this sort of setting especially if you write it in a contemporary world and like not really have it have any impacts you know?

Like idk it never sits right with me to do that. This is also why lbr in a lot of kids/YA fiction we tend to have orphans or ‘otherwise badly parented’ characters as the leads since otherwise you do need to account for ‘how family and friends react to PEOPLE FUCKING DYING’ and not to mention the kids who like decided to join up with Luke?

That’s also the sort of ‘lol casual child endangerment with like supposed caregivers who don’t really give a crap’ angle that’s yet again not exclusive to pjo but wtf dude. Like we have Chiron at least? I guess? 

Also there’s also the mental health side of things but ofc as we know media is often shit on acknowledging mental health. But then apparently we have a handwavy ‘uh being a demigod makes you more resistant to that’ which tbh I doon’t totally vibe with.  But I guess expecting like acknowledgement of trauma in like kids/teen lit is maybe asking a touch too much?

[emsartwork]

Hello!!! I would like to tell you that you are an inspiration to me in all areas (your art and how you respond to hate-anons is a role model). And not only are your drawings impressive, your worldbuilding is at another level? How can you make the lore so complex? I've been reading you for so many months that I've decided to try my own MG series. Sorry 4 my english

thank you so much!! Winx has kinda morphed from a nostalgia based project into my own little sandbox world to play with and I’m really having fun with it! 

honestly I’ve always loved world building, a lot of the times I zip through the foundation parts of a story idea(world, culture, customs, names etc) and then have issues making the characters actually do shit lmao. idk why this is the case but I read fantasy books almost exclusively as a kid, and always got bored when my cousin’s wanted to play the same pretend game every single time (WE CAN BE ANYTHING IN OUR IMAGINATIONS AND YOU WANNA BE A POOR PEASANT FAMILY PREPARING FOR WINTER FOR EVERY. SINGLE. GAME??????) so i would just come up with weird shit to throw into our games. a lot of the time I just pick a thing, and then branch out from it in connective tangents to form the rest of the lore? if that makes sense? like, solaria>based on sun>moon is same but opposite> sun=hot moon=cold>light vs dark> environment would effect genetic drift> 2 main ethnic types >people are terrible to other people> solarian racism is now a thing

basically i just overthink everything and spend a lot of time daydreaming/actually dreaming.

I’m so glad youre creating tho!!!! have fun with it lol!!!

(btw your english is good!) 

[loseyoutoloveme]

rare first impressions review

a “first impressions” review instead of a straight up review since my opinions will def change over time

RARE:

i’ve been listening to the demo for over a year and it’s so cool to see how different it sounds w her voice

“burning toast in the toaster” is such an offbeat lyric. almost jarring in its banality, i love it

the glo up from revival to this....... going from wondering “maybe i should be more like her” in perfect to shouting “i’m not gonna beg for you, i’m not gonna let you make me cry, not getting enough from you, didn’t you know i’m hard to find?” we love a liberated queen so much

this is super fun and great but i played the shit out of the demo in 2018 which makes it feel a lil less exciting. i should have waited rip. still love it tho.

9/10

DANCE AGAIN:

“confidence is throwing your heart through every brick wall”

this is so different?????? love to see experimentation, not my fav sound she’s ever tried out i don’t think, but i do like it, v fun

“all the trauma’s in remission” (trauma or drama????? idk)

sounds very starboy inspired at times, at least abelena gave us this

“vulnerable ain’t easy, believe me, but i go there”

actually, almost a return to stars dance at moments???? in a way more mature, fully realized way... which is so cool when the whole theme of the album and its imagery seems to be looking back at your past self and celebrating yourself for overcoming so much, and also, like she said taylor told her, reclaiming the happiness that has been taken from you and letting yourself return to a happier version of yourself, the truest version of yourself that wasn’t being pulled down and abused. like stars dance was her big dance edm record and i know it’s not a celebrated work of hers lol but there is so much beauty in making a song that says “feels so good to dance again” and going back to that sound for 1 song, remembering what it’s like to feel light, to just dance.

(adding this after my second listen: WAY better with a second listen)

7.5/10

LOOK AT HER NOW:

a forever bop

we love her

“of course she was sad but now she’s glad, she dodged a bullet, took a few years to soak up the tears but look at her now watch her go”

8.5/10

LOSE YOU TO LOVE ME:

yes yes yes yes yes yes

we stan forever

“this dancing was killing me softly, i needed to hate you to love me”

absolutely the rawest, most vulnerable track in her discography, which is saying a lot

“in 2 months you replaced us like it was easy, made me think i deserved it in the thick of healing”

i think what i love so much about this era, about the things that she’s saying in interviews, about the messages she’s sharing in these lyrics so far, is like... not apologizing to her abuser, not making excuses for him, not letting his actions destroy her confidence. comparing the lyrics of revival to this, it’s so clear that there’s been such a change in mentality, such a maturing process, that revival was very much still in the midst of it all and that it’s finally over now. no “i’ll always have love for him,” no “everything happens for a reason,” no “i miss you,” no “what did i do wrong?” there is SO much strength in saying “actually, you know what i really didn’t deserve that and i do not love you anymore and losing you is the best thing that ever happened to me” and simply leaving it at that. forgiveness and love is NOT always essential to moving on!! sometimes that chronic forgiveness is just detrimental and the best thing u can do for yourself is say “FUCK YOU” and leave.

10/10

RING:

“i’m one in a billion baby, don’t you agree?”

this sounds SOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING GOOOOOOODDDDDD

nothing else to say like...... period....... 

100000/10

VULNERABLE:

“wrap your arms around my weakness”

this is not at all what i expected and is so good

saw everyone saying this is delicate’s sister and it’s so true

the strength and beauty in being completely devastated by a person and still being like... i won’t let it make me cold....... :(

9/10

PEOPLE YOU KNOW:

now this is camouflage’s sister. i love that nostalgia is at the core of so many of selena’s songs like wow she’s truly a cancer huh...... the pain of growing up and becoming a different person and knowing you need to let go of a person that you experienced so much with in such formative years but letting go of them feels like not only letting go of the good memories but letting go of the self that you were when they loved you, when things were good...... ugh

“i never know when enough is enough” hit me right in the heart

this sounds so good... incorporating the edm sound that she experimented with in the droplets but not going all the way there, just kind of letting it exist in that in between....... love

10/10

LET ME GET ME:

“me and this spiral are done, burn this camouflage i’ve been wearing for months, tryna let a little happy in for once” BEAUTIFUL

“take that tired heart and go and turn it inside out” wow.....

this is so sexy and empowering

noticing ur tendency to self-sabotage and overthink and be toxic towards urself..... when ur so used to toxicity and pain that u forget what it’s like to live without it...... but then breaking that pattern and letting urself just LIVE for a moment......

i’m still thinking about “me and this spiral are done, burn this camouflage i’ve been wearing for months” like wtfffffff 

it’s like a self-aware, realistic me & my girls lol 

i didn’t expect to like this one tbh bc it kinda faded into the background of the tracklist and i forgot it existed, but she snapped

9/10

CROWDED ROOM:

her voice sounds so cute and suits this sound so well

“yeah i was afraid but you made it safe, i guess that is our combination, said you feel lost, well so do i” SOFFFFTTTTT.... TENDERRRRRR

again, honestly didn’t expect to totally love this one but I LOVE THIS ONE!!!!!!

“the world keeps on spinning but i ain’t dizzy yet”

this 6lack feature fits well and is a great addition, his voice really suits the song

1000/10

KINDA CRAZY:

an original sg2 track we stan

“but slowly all the sugar, it went to waste” :(

say my name vibes in the chorus lyrics. love!

“you’ve been lyin just for fun, luckily no damage done” LOVE!

“now you’re treatin me like i’m insane... YOU’RE insane!” SNAPPPPPEDDDDD OMG..... YESSSS BITCHHHH

oh my god the snippet that we’ve been listening to for 3 years lol

this is...... STELLARRRRRR BITCH!!!!!

10/10

FUN:

“my kind of trouble likes your trouble too”

the sigh before the chorus!!!! 

I LOVEEEE THIS

“you get me higher than my medication” we-

this is rare’s hands to myself tbh

this chorus is so good 

9.5/10

CUT YOU OFF:

i was most excited for this one!!! based off the snippets she shared in the trailer

“gotta chop chop all the extra weight, been carrying you for fourteen hundred sixty days, gotta gotta gotta clean my slate” OOOOOOOF

“HOW COULD I CONFUSE THAT SHIT FOR LOVE” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

this chorus is EXACTLY my vibe tbh this song was made for me lmao

“i imagine all the endless places i could know with a drop drop and i’ll let you go, all the possibilities i got from head to toe, yeah they’d yeah they’d yeah they’d start to show” WHEW BITCH!!!!!!! realizing this dead fucking weight is holding you down... realizing you will be FREE you will be GOOD you will be HAPPY without him. the way that dropping him will be liberating and will open up the whole world for you!!! AHHH! LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!!!!

this guitar solo, ABSOLUTE chef’s kiss! selena GETS me!

10000000/10 YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

A SWEETER PLACE:

“red lips french kiss my worries all away” ummmmmmm *billy eichner voice* GO LESBIANS LET’S GO HERE WE GO LESBIANS HERE WE GO LESBIANS COME ON

“felt what real is like” 🥺

“I CAN’T BELIEVE I CAN BE LOUD, HOLDING HANDS WITH THE DARKNESS AND KNOWING MY HEART IS ALLOWED” THE BEST LYRIC IN HER DISCOGRAPHY THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

tbh i don’t really love the chorus except for the “oo-oo-oo-oo” part at the end but it works with the song and is something i’ll love with time

kid cudi’s verse really adds to the song, i’m glad the features are used to add to the song rather than just being thrown in out of nowhere

8.5/10

[angel-gidget]

So I found Titans: Burning Rage at the comic shop today. Mixed feelings abound.

{Heads up, because SPOILERS abound too.}

It's set in it's own continuity which draws bits and bobs from New 52 and preboot, but it's clearly meant to FEEL like you are watching an episode of the old Teen Titans cartoon. Except--of course--there's no Cyborg, because DC is determined to make him a Justice Leaguer... or a Doom Patrol member... or a solo hero... basically anything BUT a Titan these days. Everybody calls each other by their code names until you're halfway through the issue.

I'm kinda charmed by the levity of the opening with Beast Boy trying to circle everybody up for pizza. He and Raven have an exchange that is an odd mix between potentially meaningful stares and teasing repartee. Raven maintains a somewhat formal speech pattern, including calling people by their full names (which I am always a sucker for bc I love nods like that to 80's Wolfman Raven.)

So here's the thing. Up until half way trough, I'm not overthinking the name thing. I'm like, okay. DC is expecting maybe some younger/newer readers to pick this up... so they're using Rebirth costumes, but trying to draw people in with the simplicity of the ol' cartoon dynamic... which means Robin must be kind of an amalgam character?

Bc these are Dick Grayson's friends, but it's standard hat these days to give him a bo staff, and a costume, and even a logo that's super distinctive of Tim Drake, but they wouldn't make Tim Drake the leader of a team exclusively made up of his brother's friends...

Except they totally did.

Raven full-out calls him "Timothy", and it is even more firmly confirmed as Tim when the narration boxes switch to his POV. (It's also at this point that I'm noticing that there was no romantic tension between Starfire and Robin. Something I WOULD have expected given how much the comic was mirroring toon TT up until then.)

TBH, it doesn't really change the story they are telling. The story is just a simple introduction of H.I.V.E. and its lackey team fighting this continuity-hybrid Titans team. It's clearly done in such a way that people who liked the cartoon can get a nostalgia fix, and DC can get those people used to some comic status quo things like costumes and the Victor Stone thing.

But wow did it make my brain go off on a tangent of what the backstory of this AU roster would have to look like. Because the roster is Raven, Gar, Kory, and TIM DRAKE. It's a weird roster. But it could also be a fun one. ESPECIALLY if you actually used elements of Geoff John's run to play into their interaction.

Because if you did... then Tim is the youngest of them by a good stretch. Okay, that would mean Raven got de-aged at some point, but still. He would be the only actual teenager on the team. But he's also the leader. Why? Because Kory didn't feel like doing it, and it seemed to help Tim's self-esteem.

IDK. My brain is still playing with it.

Initially, I assumed it was a one-shot, but apparently there will be a following issue. I have decided that, yes, I WILL pick it up. The art's great and even though the story is kinda 'meh', the unique details of the world are sure to make me continue to entertain myself with possibilities long after I've set down the actual comic.

[pearfight]

1-8 tag meme

wow this is super late I keep on forgetting to do this!!

I was tagged by @donnathexploreus @arcanehuntress AND @chicletecolorido [edit: AND @paris-saint-neymar how dare you post one right before me n TAG ME!! The audacity 😤](cusknxqk this is so overdue sorry love u all ❤️❤️❤️) so here it is!:

one INSECURITY

Being labeled as annoying/talking too much about things people don’t care about

two FEARS

Humiliation

Not finding happiness in general/having no purpose in life

three TURN ONS

Confidence while also being humble

Cute LAUGHS and BIG SMILES

Longer hair

four GOALS

Actually LEARN SPANISH (and eventually german and greek and asl and—)

TRAVEL !!!

Figure out what I want to do when I’m older

Become more active socially and physically

five LIKES

Drawing

History/Culture/Psychology

Cooler weather

Soccer (atm)

Stupid jokes/puns

six WEAKNESSES

Fear of failure, thus fear of commitment

Procrastination/time management skills

Stubborn

Overthinking and obsessing over small stuff

My mom (love her SO much)

Nostalgia (?? Idk what to put but mmmmmm I’m Weak)

seven LOVES

My family

My friends

Seeing people around me happy

...the internet...

Baking (MMMMMMMM)

Uuuuuh I’m catholic so God is probably a good answer right?

Uuuuuh how about that I smile and laugh a lot and am generally a positive person (while also being a realist)

eight TAGGED (idk if you’ve done this already or not but...)

@paris-saint-neymar 👀👀

@catsprobably (ur so funny sudkdwk)

@intoomanyfandomstopickaname

@aesthetixavery

@civilized-part-human

@raingasms

@lack-of-surprise

Uuuuuh anyone else who wants to do this bc at this point I feel bad for @ ing the same ppl every time jdksmdkek (also btw you don’t HAVE to do this. Just puttin it out there!)

[anenium]

i’ve never loved a music group as much as i love seventeen. i was over stanning idol groups by the time i ran into them and was focusing on university and finishing my thesis and etc, so i can’t stress enough how much each and every member are ALL extremely special to me for me to make a whole new space in my life for them. but obviously i have a favorite, and he has treated me so well since the very start, and i want to mention beforehand that this entire ...wall of text is gonna be about me as seungkwan’s fan and my personal anecdotes from seeing him at ideal cut, and not that much about the other members. it’s not that i don’t love them very much! but seungkwan is extremely special to me and he is the comforting and reliable sunlight who i want to scream to the world about. 

i don't need to tell you guys how hard it is to be an international fan cos most of you all know those pains.. and i was definitely one of the carats hoping there would be some announcement for NA tour before i finally bit the bullet and decided to go ideal cut. but there's also smth else that hurts, that i haven’t explicitly shared. of all my insecurities about being a carat, i often myself particularly insecure about being forgotten by seungkwan. 

i know it’s a lot to expect him or any idol to remember their all fans, that’s exactly why i don’t mention this insecurity on twitter (til now...). being forgotten by your idol is smth that i know has put people off of their biases completely. i’m lucky because boo himself a couple years ago told someone to relay to me a tiny message, so without me asking him about it, i suddenly was aware he knew for sure i existed and knew i went to see him at schedules as his fan. and i was so happy and enamored by the idea that i never wanted it to change ;;

but ofc i moved away, and i never properly talked to him in the first place (fansign is expensive and i was a full time uni student hhhh) so i have a constant worry that it’ll seem like i stopped supporting him or he will just forget completely that he has me as his fan. which again.... is totally fair and in the first place i would never even ask him if he remembers me IF i got the chance. the last time he saw me was... 2017 summer, so who knows if he remembers my face or my sign. or if he even knows my sign = me ?

i tried not to have any expectations or hopes about interacting with seungkwan during ideal cut. it’s a concert, first of all, not a meet and greet or a fansign. and i knew i might be far away or he might be on a different side of the stage, and i also knew that i wanted to just listen to him singing after a long time and experience concerts with my friends who i don’t get to see often.

but somehow, even if it’s just cos of my neon bright sign with his name on it, seungkwan sees me. he smiled at or waved to me (or even both ;;;;;) in every country i visited after he’d seen my sign and that’s so.. the chances of that happening is completely crazy. but what’s important to me is how he acted when he saw it. every single time was meaningful to me and by manila all my worries were gone.

i did get to see the boys at the airport in incheon before the concert during my layover to jakarta and even had a cute interaction outside with soonyoung ; 3; so my heart was a little more at ease the next day at the concert cos i got that “refill” of seeing them already. i spent time with dani and met a lot of carats handing out my transparent fans and i don’t remember feeling that stressed or nervous, somehow. dani and i stood against the back bar of our standing section and we had an amazing view and i finally saw pinwheel and the lights hitting seungkwan’s face and i was so ;;;; filled with awe at the end that these kids i ran into three years ago have become such amazing performers, you know? 

i could write miles about each concert, how dynamic hht has become, how much joy i feel watching performance team, all the nostalgia when they all perform Adore U and the burst of energy that explodes in the venue when the boys sing Run To You like.. carats and seventeen running to each other. my heart felt so full after seeing Seventeen at their own concert after such a long time. at the end and when i was already giving up the hopes i told myself not to have, boo finally saw my sign.

he looked so HAPPY. i can’t even tell you how my heart leaps to watch the fancam of the moment he smiles at it. he just smiled so brightly and he returned the little heart i shot him after a couple seconds. i seriously watched that moment so many times because im so happy that HE smiled as big as he did ; ; he was happy cos of the sign, happy cos of dani’s and my reaction after he saw it, and.. idk how else to say it, i just want to make a blanket out of that smile ; ; im so happy that i can be the reason for his smile. 

at the fansign the next day i was “meeting” him and vocal unit and i was really scared... cos i already knew it was going to be fast (and it was damn FAST...). but then, he saw my sign even before we went up to them at the tables. it’s understandable i got a shock, right ; ; he and jeonghan staring down my camera made me wonder if he recognized my sign from the previous day... and i had already been worried because i wasn’t sure what to say to them.

actually i told seungkwan i loved him twice before, once just saying it through the kbs window in 2016, and once at hitouch at diamond edge new york. but at kbs there’s no way to know 100% what he said (cos the glass..........) and at diamond edge he just... “thank you~ OHOHOHOHOHOHO” ....:D so naturally i was on the fence about saying it again. cos i thought isn’t it.. a bit redundant if i say it.. again? shouldn’t i say something more creative or meaningful? and i’m being honest that when i see all the fanaccounts that boo returns an “i love you too~” at hitouches i feel a little jealous and reluctant. but bethany kicked some sense into me right before i went up and i wanted to share it. 

it’s true that i want him to know how loved he is by his fans ; ; especially after earlier this year when he admitted his insecurities about loving himself.. even if he’s been seemingly content lately i would still want him to be reassured as many times as possible. so i sucked it up and i did!!! just!!!! “hi! i REALLY love you!” at jakarta fansign. 

and...........i have no idea what he said back to me cos it was too loud ^^

but it’s alright BECAUSE i got to see his pretty smile when i said it. i have no regrets about saying it! i dunno about next time (if there’s next time) but this time i was really happy that i could look him in the eyes and say tht i love him cos i DO adore him a whole bunch u___ u;;;; and although i’d have liked to express my feelings in more, accurate words, i was only in front of him for two or three seconds and that was the best thing i could have said to him, now thinking in retrospect. and gosh he was definitely tired that afternoon, but he was so so handsome ;;;; seeing him eye to eye never gets any easier. 

in singapore dani and i were joined by my beloved jo! and we three were together in standing~ and shock of my life, at the end of the concert boo pointed to my sign and smiled and waved and as dani put it, once she heard me and jo screaming and freaking out it was like a “check” ; ; it’s not the first time he points to that sign in particular so i just felt.. reassured in that moment. he doesn’t smile with surprise like in jakarta, but still he’s pointing and grinning and acknowledging me and inside im like YESYESYESYESYESYE- part of it too is, this is happening and im with my friends and ; ; i know im not just imagining things, you know?

in malaysia we got $oundcheck and i didn’t say this yet but soundcheck was just as amazing for us as the concert ; ; we got to be at the front (there weren’t queue numbers so... it was a sacrifice of a lot of WAITING) and luckily, there was a pause in the music at the beginning while the boys were at the extended stage near carats. so they interacted with us a bit and! i got to wave to hansol and hosh and.. that’s when boo looks down and he saw my sign; ;;; but cos the venue was all lit up for rehearsal he actually looked me in the eyes and wave-waved calmly to me ; ; and actually.. he didn’t smile~ but he was barefaced and it’s just soundcheck after all~

i don’t think he ever waved to me without cracking a smile before so i felt a little ? when overthinking it but.. his expression was kinda nice, too ;; performing is his job after all, so just making sure he looks at me and waves during their technical rehearsal is really sweet of him, even if he’s not feeling super HAPPY or something at that moment, he took the time to acknowledge i was there. i want to stress that what i really learned over time is that boo really knows how important and meaningful it is to wave to fans and try to give individual acknowledgement when he can, even when it’s small, esp cos seventeen can’t always meet us individually. 

i was at the opposite side from where i was the three other concerts in kl, and i can confidently say... boo was not on the right side much ^^~ but it was nice to pay a lot more attention to the other members, and see a different angle of all their performances!! i have no regrets being on the right side because frankly there’s some members i might have no memories of from this tour if i hadn’t been on the opposite side of boo. 

next is~ manila! and manila was a dream ; ; i was with dani and many friends and we were right THERE at the bar and i hadn’t been that close to the boys at a concert.. ever. at recordings yes, and hitouch yes, but dani told me being close at concerts is different and it absolutely was. seventeen is a group that shines the most when they’re performing and concerts are where they thrive. 

seungkwan is born to be on stage. he mentioned that he works hard on his expressions but, i wonder if he knows it’s more than just his hard work. the way his voice carries emotions and his body language when he feels the music he does in ways that are just so *him*. it’s the lights bouncing off his cheeks in pinwheel when he’s singing to the sky. it’s how he hits you in the heart when he belts his lines in Run To You and he’s dramatically swaying on his mic stand, and his entire aura change during Flower. when he coolly gives his ending speeches with heavy eyelids cos he’s tired but all anyone is looking at are his full cheeks and how pretty his eyes look outlined with champagne-colored glitter. his comfortable warm smiles to carats at the end of every concert and all the efforts he put in to communicate with us, to have fun with us and make each country feel special to seventeen. 

habit is my favorite song from the kids. i can’t even casually listen to it because it triggers a lot of attached feelings ; ; i’d seen it four times on the tour but, only in manila i felt a tear sliding down my face. cos i was looking at seungkwan and thinking that it was my last time to hear it, and my last time watching him sing it, and suddenly i was so overwhelmed with affection for him. i was trying to listen but in my head i can only remember him doused in lights and his passionate singing and how much i'm thankful for him suddenly ; ; and also i was ... embarrassed to be crying~

when vocal unit came up to the extended stage for pinwheel i tried to hard to just listen to him ;; he was so close and i was looking up at him and seriously just ;;;;; he was the most beautiful human being i’ve ever seen in that moment. he is never more gorgeous than when he’s singing and there’s really no one like him.

when the boys performed ‘thinkin’ about you’, they interacted with fans a bit at previous stops, so i had my sign out just in case~ and when the boys walked around in a circle at the end of the song, boo looked SO CUTE cos he borrowed coups’ leader flag and was marching around with it ;;;;; idk why but that made it even more special that he saw me at that moment, and smiled at me with big eyes before walking by ;;;;;; i looked at dani and she looked at me and we shglfndjkh;fkhlfd together ;;;;;;;

during their final ment the boys sat down at the main stage to talk to carats, and boo was diagonal from my spot, so i could see him well. i didn’t hold up my sign from the start cos.. he was literally so far away i didn’t think he could see anyone beyond the fans around the main stage. but during hosh’s ment i kinda thought i had a chance and he was looking our way.. so i unfolded my sign and BAM he reacted alfdjklgjkdfls!!! 

actually watching a fancam of it now, what i couldn’t tell then, is that while he was nodding he had legit raised his eyebrows at me l o l. and he just kept nodding and grinning while at the side hoshi was giving his ment, and for some dumb reason i ducked my head behind my sign in shock and in a fancam i can literally see tht he was about to look away—but doesnt ;;;; dani is next to me seeing this happen and i’m not hiding behind my sign anymore and she’s pointing at me to confirm it’s really ME and he gives a thumbs UP and im DYING AT THIS POINT. 

[dani next to me: HER? HER ? OK DAMN BOO YOU’RE SO AMAZING YES OK DONE OK YES YES STILL THUMBS UP? OK-]

i made another ridiculous finger heart to him and he’s STILL NODDING ND WAVES AND GIVES ANOTHER THUMBS UP AND THEN!!! hoshi was in the middle of the stage belting his “지금 몇 시???” and the moment is over~ honestly it seemed more dramatic and long at the time but... i was seriously in awe. i don’t remember any ments after that (i didn’t even know what hosh had done until after the concert) until seungkwan started talking himself cos i couldn’t believe that happened..

the ending felt bittersweet ofc ; ; the boys were literally right THERE and they all looked so gorgeous and handsome and i wish the “aju NICE”’s could have lasted for an hour or ten...  but there was still send-off.

i always have this issue where i miss a lot of the members because i start panicking looking for seungkwan... ofc the same happened now. i don’t really remember the order, but i only remember that i waved to hoshi who was first and also got to say bye to josh as he walked by, his eyes got so big and his smile was really pretty ; ; and then second to last there was boo.

like i mentioned in my tweets, he was in a cap for send-off~ and as he’s walking towards where i was i held my sign over the railing so he could see it as he approached and!! ofc he did ;; he was already smiling but he spotted it and grinned right at it and nod-nod-nodded and even pointed directly to it and istg his smile was... different once again. he literally looked like he was expecting to see it and i felt so ; ; even if he couldnt hear me i called to him that i’ll see him next year (which wasn’t *technically* true.. i went to see them at the mall the next day heh) and he was still walking by and was already even past me but!!! dani had called his name and he had looked up from my sign and was smiling really at *me* ; ; he wasnt actually last but.. i distractedly watched the back of boo’s cap until he was at the end of the tiny hall and turned into another room out of sight..

and then i was just crying behind my uchiwa. hehe.

the next day was the manila saem fansign and as everyone else said, it was damn crowded. and i was damn far away with dani. and it was so hot and loud and we were actually thinking of leaving because it was just too much... by the time seventeen arrived and were at the fansign stage i had a hard time holding my camera up, and i don’t even *have* a bazooka lense. still, i had a smaller “boo” sign dangling from my cam, and dani was holding up my lucky sign where boo could see somewhere next to my head~

i really don’t know how he can see it from so far away ; ; but he did, right before they started meeting carats for autographs. it was the same as always, i saw him seeing me first and i dropped my camera to wave and THEN i started taking pictures.. he is seriously the most patient. ever. i took precious photos of him making a “V” with his fingers and smiling at my camera and the moment he looked away in my mind i just thought.. REST.

i wish i knew how to better explain the feeling after attending their tour. it’s the first time i think i feel the word... lucky. before, at the radio and at recordings and hitouches, i just felt that my consistency going to see seventeen and specifically cheering for seungkwan made it possible for him to remember me well and acknowledge me as his fan. but at this tour, where there’s so many thousands of people and it’s hard to see everyone in the audience, and at fansigns where it was crowded or when i really thought he wouldn’t be able to see me, he still did. im lucky that seungkwan is seungkwan. i’m lucky that he’s attentive to carats, that he’s understanding and kind, and that he has FANTASTIC eyesight.

i don’t really know if he knows i’m the same fan from sukira, or if he remembered the sign from previous years’ concerts and recordings. but for me, it’s enough that by the end of the tour he could smile so comfortably at me like ; ; i’m 100% sure he remembered that.. my sign = ...me. and that makes me so happy in itself. i feel sad often that i can’t support boo as much as i used to, that i can’t cheer for him where he can hear it and that i can’t take pretty photos to share of him like before. during Oh My promotions in july, i hesitated to get a signed page from him... exactly because i didn’t want to ask something like, if he remembered me or not. instead~ i asked for him to cheer me up until i could see him again. the friend who was getting the page for me told him i was from the us, had gone to kcon japan just to see him earlier this year, and that i was going to the ideal cut stops, too.

(i’m clarifying here for anyone new~ that the trip to japan was planned with my friend from uni, and seventeen was conveniently announced for kcon after my trip was almost fully sorted. it was too perfect to not go see them * ^*)

seungkwan verbally responded to her saying it must be hard for me to go all the way there ;; in english and korean on my page he wrote thank you, and that he really wished for us to meet ;;;; and thinking back to that page some months later, it came true as much as it possibly could have. 

im lucky that seungkwan is the one i came to like. because even if he doesn’t know anything about me or even my name, he knows im someone who likes him and that’s enough for him to take a moment to let me know he knows i’m there. and i know that i’m not the only fan of his he takes his time to acknowledge. every concert tour there are new fan accounts of his kindness and attentiveness, his friendly interactions with carats and people writing how much they appreciate him after seeing him in person or on stage. he’s such a special and talented individual with such a big heart and i hope that everyone can feel reassured that.. if there’s an idol who will do their best to take your love and return it tenfold, seungkwan is definitely one. 

i know i mention it only vaguely but i have had such a difficult, tiresome year. i don’t feel like i’m exaggerating when i say the happiness i got from seeing seungkwan, seventeen, and most of all my friends last month is what’s going to get me through the rest of it. im not sad (yet...) that the tour is over, or that it’ll be a while until i see seventeen again. im still so ridiculously happy, and i feel motivated to work hard until the next time ; ; im not worried anymore, because seungkwan never fails to cheer me up whether i’m at a concert on the other side of the world or i’m just seeing his post on instagram on my own side. i would give him a planet’s worth of love if i could and i hope he continues to recieve praise and affection for as long as possible, for just being his wonderful self.

[talltiredandafraid]

1, 3, 8, 12, 20, 21, 24, 28 for Daeva and Hari :)

Gonna start with Daeva first!1. What position does your character sleep in? ( i.e; stomach, side, back, etc. ) Describe why they do this — optional.

Daeva hasn’t felt secure enough to sleep in a very, very long time. However, when he does sleep, it’s with his limbs completely splayed out, laying on his back. He does it upside down, with his head at the end of the bed and his feet on the pillow. When he was younger, sleeping was one of his favorite things to do, but as he gained power and enemies, he just… didn’t feel safe enough to be that vulnerable anymore. Also he snores so fucking loudly

3. Does your character have an accent? What does it sound like?

His accent is a mixture of Pakistani and British, kind of like Tan France on Queer Eye!

8. Are they a quick thinker or do they need time to sort through their thoughts?

Daeva is used to making snap decisions at a second’s notice- he served one of hell’s seven princes before he was a noble, so he was very accustomed to fighting and getting out of sticky situations. If Daeva has time to think about things for too long, it makes him reflect on his past, which he despises- he doesn’t see much point in brooding and prefers to live in the present. He likes to distract himself before he has the chance to think deeply or critically.

12. Describe 5 unusual characteristics your muse has.

uuuuhh this one’s hard1) He hates going through doors- if he can go through walls, ceilings, or floors, he would much rather do that.

2) He’s an amazingly fast reader- he’s collected books for centuries, but his favorite books are fairy tales- particularly the Brother’s Grimm’s fairy tales.

3) He loves plants- particularly flowers, but he’s never really had the opportunity to garden.

4) Scaring people is hysterical to him- when he’s bored, he probably plays pranks on the servants and guards.

5) Him and his sister share jewelry with each other, though they insult each other non stop- they have a frenemy kind of relationship.

20. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would that person be and why?

Asmodeus, the prince who made him what he is. He forced Daeva to do some pretty terrible things for the sake of gaining power, and ended up using him as a kind of life source/personal weapon, so once Daeva was powerful enough to break away from him, he never went back- he harbors a hell of a grudge towards him too

21. Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why?

1) To be able to visit Earth at will- he’s bored out of his mind in Hell, and the process of getting to Earth can take a long time if he goes through the proper channels, so if he could just kind of go whenever he wanted he definitely would.2) To be taller because he’s so fucking short3) I could see him wishing for some pet humans, tbh

24. Does your character have any enemies? If so, who and why?

Daeva has several rival demon families that he clashes with occasionally, and he absolutely despises his siblings save for one of his sisters, but Asmodeus would be his archnemesis for sure

28. Are they afraid of death? Do they have any regrets?

Daeva has always kind of been aware that it was a possibility, but he likes to flirt with it- purposely doing stupid or dangerous things just to see how close he could get to it without actually dying. So he’s more cocky than scared I guess? And his only regret would be dying before he got to make Asmodeus suffer:^)\

OK AHARIEL’S TURN

1. What position does your character sleep in? ( i.e; stomach, side, back, etc. ) Describe why they do this — optional.

She curls up when she sleeps, but always has to be cuddling something- usually a pillow or her bag, occasionally an elf,

3. Does your character have an accent? What does it sound like?

A slight Californian accent! Lilt? Twang? Idk which one is right but you get my drift

8. Are they a quick thinker or do they need time to sort through their thoughts?

Hari has two modes- overthink or no thinking at all, so probably quick? She makes some pretty stupid decisions though lmao

12. Describe 5 unusual characteristics your muse has.

1) She has fins on the sides of either sides of her head- completely vestigial and functionless, but impossible to pierce- she’s tried so may times to put earrings in them but to no avail

2) Despite being a fighter and mercenary, indulging in things that help to make her feel more feminine and pretty is essential for her

3) As a kid, she used to draw what she thought her dad looked like, and she still carries those drawings on her for nostalgia’s sake

4) Despite being half aquatic elf, she’s completely rejected any sort of elven culture. After trying so long to be elfy and failing, she kind of gave up

5) Even though she’s completely opposed to the idea of falling in love, she secretly craves it. She loooooves mushy romance novels and plays.

20. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would that person be and why?

It’s a tie!! Between her mother and her ex! Hari wasn’t really planned, and her mother’s pure elven heritage is vitally important to her, so when Hari popped out and was half gold dragon, her mom wasn’t exactly thrilled. She was forgotten about a lot and made fun of by her siblings, and when her mom was in really terrible moods she got beaten for small things. Her siblings could do no wrong, but Hari could do no right. SO if she could murder her mother, she probably would tbh. And her ex was someone she dated when she was a teen, someone she knew her mother would hate. The relationship started off pretty well, but as it went on it got unhealthier and unhealthier. Her ex was a pretty gifted magic user, and during one of their worst fights, her ex was completely furious and wanted to hurt Hari in the same way that they thought she was hurting them. They put a glamour on one of Hari’s brothers, who had come to check on them. Hari saw a highwayman, and killed him- when her ex removed the glamour, Hari was completely devastated- magic has made her a little twitchy ever since, but she’s been doing pretty well at overcoming it.

21. Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why?

1) A walk in closet

2) SO MUCH ALCOHOL. Just. A lot of fucking booze

3) To see her brother again to apologize

24. Does your character have any enemies? If so, who and why?

RUBY FUCKING ROD, although every time she meets him he always knows just the right thing to say to her to get her to like him again. She knows she wants to kill him after he threw her off of his boat, but she’s conflicted because he seems like such a cool and fashionable guy

28. Are they afraid of death? Do they have any regrets?

She’s terrified of it, but craves it simultaneously. She wants to live fully, without the fear of death, but the fact that it’s a constant threat reassures her in a morbid kind of way. Hari probably regrets not being able to be the kind of daughter and sibling that her family wanted, but comforts herself that she’s being the hero she always wanted to be, even though she’s still stumbling her way through it.

[itsmeizumine]

so, i searched high and low for a post i swore i made talking about why i wanted to make a naruto oc and had this initial blurb and everything that i just intended to add on, but since it disappeared somehow, i'll start again

it's going to be long, but feel free to tag along the ride under break!!

_________________________________________

so, i know anyone who has followed me for a while might have caught up to the fact that i’m on my own naruto nostalgia personal hell right now. it has been dragging for a few months in and out since my lil sibs started to watch the ENTIRETY of naruto franchise just because (we’re talking about all filler eps, all arcs, all ovas, all movies; they’re real champs like that). we all are stuck in the same rooms with each other and nowhere else to go so there was really no way to escape this even if i wanted too, which… i did, in the beginning, not gonna lie (i can’t handle second-hand embarrassment guys, i just can’t, and kid naruto is– oh my god); but then i kind of settled on this constant utterly mortified state so deeply nothing else phased me enough to stop watching the damned thing with my sibs, and here we are.

(and pls, don’t get me wrong. i love naruto, it was important to me as a kid and i still feel echoes of its impact on me even now in my life; it’s just– watching it with my kidsie sibs and parents in the same room with it dubbed in my native lang and them having no context to most things anime, just… no lol)

and god, as much i like the series, rewatching it made my heart ache too. kid naruto had an awful life, dude. for real. it just made me want to swoop in, adopt him and get him somewhere else asap the whole time we watched classic. it was devasting blow after devasting blow since day one, and it took too long for him to find support and bonds (as flimsy as they were) he could cling and lean on (and even then he was left/had to leave behind some).

idk guys, i might be overthinking this but kids in precarious situations always make me emotional af

so i thought: my mojo is making ocs, okay, that’s how i dive into fandoms and such, maybe i could make someone he could call a friend? even if it’s just to comfort him and myself a bit?? yeah, let’s go with this

and like, i wanted him to have someone to goof up with and be silly and talk freely and not have to appear awesome to with that false bravato of his (because he uses that when he’s not comfortable, and i really really really need him to be, for once) but i also wanted him to have someone he could fall back whevener he wants, no questions asked, and that could take care of him if things came down to it, but couldn’t strip naruto’s control over his own situation as an adult would (because that’s terrifiying thing to feel, no control over what’s gonna happen to yourself; now imagine that as a kid that has to live and tend and watch out for their own well-being themselves or else they might as well die in a ditch and no one - in naruto’s mind on the very beggining of classic - would bat an eye?? yeah, no good indeed); so an older kid it had to be. older sibling figure or whatever.

and since i wanted this older kid to approach naruto amicably, they couldn’t be a kid native to konoha, even if they were there from on and beyond. or else they’d first think of naruto in the preconceived notions leaf-civilians kid thought (as a vague monster/demon their parents made of him), or as leaf-nin kid thought (a dumb numbskull, disgrace of the academy).

so before i even started on the kid themselves, i had to settle on a place out of konoha to start the deal (hahaha going through naruto wiki pages on my dying computer was so much fun guys, you have no idea)

i didn’t find a location that made sense in the wiki so i came up with something on my own. it turned out really cool actually. i’m going to link a post talking about this location in particular because this post is too long already, but what you need to know about shokinin daichi is that it was a completely civilian-based settlement. no one was prevenient from a ninja clan and married out of it for peace and quiet, no one had a second cousin that once dreamed about shinobi life as a kid or anything. i know it seems unfathomable in naruto’s universe to such a place exist, especially with how the world is exposed to us on the anime at least, but believe me, it’s more likely than you think. there’s far too much empty space on naruto’s geography and petty, small 1x1 feuds between clans for it not to. shokunin daichi was a place civilians were relatively content with their lives, and if one of them was more ambitious they’d aim for bigger things, yes, but it wouldn't usually scale so far as to become ninja.

my kid, kawarake, was the same. his family made up one the cores of the sanka clan, but since no one was looking forward to taking the clan head’s position from the main family anytime soon, they all lead relatively quiet lives with their own thing going on. the sanka clan run the ranch of shokunin daichi, and each of its cores took care of one kind of animal. kawarake’s family core took care of horses, and he spent most of his days since he was five tending to them or taking care of his littler cousins who wanted to tend them. if he wasn’t on the stables, he’d be strolling in the settlement’s main square to talk to and help all his extended family, or he’d be in his little hide-out by the river farther south from it. he was looking forward to start an apprenticeship under kakka’s clan on metalwork once he was bit older to have the excuse to go out of the settlement more often, but there was no rush on his part still. he was fine like this.

one seemingly random night, with most of the settlement preparing to lay down for the day, a group of nuke-nin found the place. no one knew how, nor who they were; and whoever was left after that disaster could only guess why, but as soon as the rogue shinobi caught sight of the quaint little thing that was kawarake’s home they started to set things on fire. they pillaged and ransacked and destroyed everything in their wake and soon it became clear that there was little to no thing the civilians could do to defend themselves, even with their mattocks and sickles and ropes and wooden planks and the strongest men and women there. smoke and heat enclosed around all of them, and people that had lived their entire lives there together were forced to leave with no plan or direction, just the clan heads’ ultimate order to grab who they could in their way out and survive. hope against hope that they’d find each other again.

kawarake had managed to find his nephew, and be found by his mom before they had to leave the remains of their burning, collapsing ranch behind. with stingy eyes and searing burns and scratches and soot here and there, they made their way out of the settlement to find kawarake’s dad and a distant cousin by chance, but couldn’t manage to reach a group - their people - running in the distance before they too dispersed each to some direction in search of safety. between the kawarake’s mom, dad and cousin, they decided that their best bet would be to seek refuge in konoha for now; and there they fleed to through forest and packed dirt as the night went on.

i don't think it's confirmed in canon but i've seen it around enough in fanfiction to think it might have been implied somewhere. the politics of seeking refuge in a hidden village might change from country to country but i think there's a consistency on the treaty: it has to be compensated for the risk it takes in accepting the refugee, either by trade if the said refugee can has capital to start producing right away or by demanding a shinobi from the refugee's household.

kawarake then becomes the first gen nin of his family, in order for them to stay in konoha and under it's protection. he's the best conventional candidate because of his age; his cousin and parents at too old for the academy, and his nephew too young. he's uneasy in the beginning, he's surrounded by ninja that can, with a few hand seals, create a catastrophe as big as what happened on his settlement just because they felt like it, and that's disconcerting af, but once he realizes that he's also gaining this power, and he's also also learning how to counter it, he manages to ease up a little bit. he even starts to look forward to the possibility of making missions out of konoha in the end; that way he can look around for all his family, and warn them they have a safe place to stay in konoha.

his family arrives two years after the uchiha massacre, and he graduates as a genin on team 3 the same semester as neji, tenten and lee. here's what i have of him and his team, intend to post more soon

he's a nice kid, guys, but he really shouldn't run around with a kunai like this

here's him, isako (also oc, gotta write stuff for her) and shiyoka (same, tho y'all have seen art of them and kawarake together already), their sensei is dope too and deserves her own presentation just because.