#idk how much i like it buts its fucking killing me so id

[dromaeo-sauridae]

@saint-nevermore why would you do this

[melancholiaenthroned]

amanda saw for the ask game :))

yayyyy tyyy<333

first impression: ok full disclosure i did NOT like saw the first time i saw it LOL. i thought adam was annoying and the bathroom was yucky and it was too slow paced. BUT i did like amanda she was like the redeeming quality to me. and once i watched saw ii i was completely sucked in she was everything to me. the way she claws at her face when she first wakes up like shes expecting the bear trap is such an acting moment of all time.

impression now: i love her so much shes the best apprentice her character is everything to me. i dont know what to say that hasnt been said before but i guess my most recent impression of her was in saw x and i just felt like her character, at the state in between saw and saw ii, was so well written. like her dependence on john but her reluctance to hurt people who she doesnt think fully deserve it... god... you can see the doubts starting to form like why are we doing this am i fixed is this what being fixed feels like... and shes so so scared of losing him... godddd. god. and her dykey outfit... i had some issues w saw x amanda was not one of them

favorite moment: DIFFICULT QUESTION hmmm all her moments r so good. i think the one that makes me craziest is i forget the exact line but in saw iii she tells lynn smth like "sure u can kill me but when john heres me cry out hell come running for me and rip off his heart monitor and then ull die" but later when shes bleeding out she looks up at john and reaches out for him and he just looks down at her and tells her its her destiny. COMPLETELY FUCKED. also obviously "fix me" and you know what can i just list all of saw iii as my favorite moment.

idea for a story: god. ok. like actual film wise i think we should move on from john kramer forever and honestly like over the course of the 4 movies shes in weve gotten a pretty good look at amandas character like it feels like theres limited room to fit in a new story. theres small things id like to see, more of her interacting and butting heads w the othe apprentices, but nothing like huge within canon bc i feel like it would throw off her arc. that being said idk how it would fit into a film but i would like to see her almost relapse post saw ii but discover that shes developed a fear of needles and instead of taking this as like. a fucked up thing. she tries to reframe it as like proof that traps work like she Is Fixed. but obviously this is right before saw iii and shes wavering but shes trying to tell herself that. developing ptsd over being thrown into a pit of needles. was a good thing<3

unpopular opinion: i dont rlly ship her and gabriela i see gabriela very much as a mirror of amanda but i dont rlly think its valuable or interesting to interpret that relationship as romantic SORRY

favorite relationship: ive said it before she and lynn have the craziest chemistry of any couple in all the saw movies like what was in the water on set that made them act that way... my only wish is that more fans made them insane rather then like. in lynn lives aus where theyre cute and healing together like no. they wouldnt do that. and then of relationships in canon obviously her and john have the most interesting and tragic thing going on (to be clear i dont mean relationships as in romantic here) but if i think about that too long ill start crying so instead lets just remember her and lynns crazy dyke swag.

favorite headcanon: oughh god idk... shes such a complete and basically perfect character to me i dont have a lot of big ideas about her outside of whats shown... like i said i think she has a phobia of needles after saw ii that she pushes through for the sake of traps that require it and then immediately goes and like throws up after. i think she bites her hand when shes really angry and sometimes draws blood. i think it reminds her of the beartrap and i think she pretends that gives her comfort. and i think at some point pre saw she dated the same vegan feminist punk that adam did<3

[meme-sauce]

Hi! What are some other reasons you dont like thirteen reasons why? People tell me to watch it but idk im not really sure? Id love to hear the other side too. (Love your blog btw)

Hi! Thank you! I’ve gotten a few of these in my ask box so I’m officially answering this one, but it’s for everyone else who asked too. There’s a lot of anger in here but it’s not directed at you anon! Just the book. (Please keep in mind I have not watched the show, nor do I intend to, so most of these are based on the book. This will also contain spoilers.)

1) Hannah Baker is a selfish hateful bitch. I really hate the B word, but honestly, I dont know what else to say. All suicides are selfish honestly, but she killed herself out of straight spite. She even says that its for revenge. Yes, there were some god awful things that happened, but she destroyed her family, her future, and honestly herself just so she could get back at the people that hurt her. Pathetic. I had a friend who’s client killed themselves, and they were devastated. It wasn’t even a person in their family and they couldn’t get out of bed for weeks. I could never imagine butting my family through that just to get revenge, and make people feel bad for fucking me over. 2) Basing off that, Hannah blames everyone for her suicide except for her own damn self.  Every single one of the issues she talked about sucked, but they could have been solved in so many ways other that suicide (again, I can not believe someone would do that to their family and friends.). If she talked to the people, or went to a real counselor, or did fucking online schooling whatever, she could have avoided it. There so many options she could have taken to better her self, but she allowed what people had done to her to control her. She uses the tapes to show how other people caused her suicide, but her hand was always the one on the trigger. 3) Blame of other people brings me to my next point, which is basically the same as number two only more specific to the School Counselor. I honestly cant remember his name right now, Mr Porter?  I have no clue so Ill just call him SC. This poor dude. He’s just a school counselor, but suddenly he’s the most responsible for her death? She says on that tapes that he’s the only person standing between her and suicide. What kind of god awful burden to put on somebody?? Who fucking does that?? Tells someone they’re the only thing stopping them from killing themselves?? Gross people that’s who. And the real kicker is, she didn’t even tell him. She didn’t even tell him half of the whole story. She said there was sexual things that happened with a guy, didn’t tell him if it was rape or not, and when he offered solutions, she wasn’t open to them. The poor dude did his best, but when who you’re talking too won’t help themselves, there’s really nothing more you can say. He told her to move on, because she wouldn’t press charges or even talk about what happened, and she twisted his words into inspiration to kill herself. And in the book, they talk about how horrible he is for that!!! She tells him he can take the tapes to hell, Clay calls him awful or something. He did his best with what she told him!! And even then, it is not his responsibility to make sure she doesn’t kill herself. Yes, counselors should help, but saying he was the one thing standing between her and her death is???? Crazy??4) This takes me to my next point. Clay. Clay Clay Clay. This whole time, shes talking about people who wronged her, and Clay is wondering how he got on the list. So when it gets to his tape, I’m like “Okay cool maybe the Author will explore the grey areas in this book, and how even good people can do bad things, or about how people you expect to be good can really fuck up, accidentally or on purpose, or fuck maybe it’ll only be a little thing and the author can use it to show how even small actions can impact a person (I wouldn’t say to a point of SUICIDE, but just show the impacts)” but then the tape comes on and its “Clay you don’t deserve to be on this list. You’re the odd one out”. How, fucking, convenient. Our Hero Clay Jensen, who didn’t do anything wrong!! He is exempt from all of her hate so we can have a likable main character. Wonderful. I rolled my eyes his entire chapter. 5) OH Also! talking about Clay’s tape, let’s also talk about (again), Hannah’s absolute fuckery when it comes to dealing with her problems. Literally pushes away anyone who could help her. She doesn’t even want to be helped, and at this point, shes going to twist every damn thing someone says to fit her own self justifying agenda. She says people caused her suicide, but she caused it her self by allowing it to happen. She didn’t help herself, even when she could, and wont take responsibility. Also, she fucking traumatized this poor boy for the rest of his life by making him listen to all the awful things on a set of tapes “he didn’t belong on”. Fuck off Hannah Baker. 6) The book is plain unrealistic. This is less of a character thing and more of something I noticed the second time i read it and it just made me hate it more. First off, literally no one does that shit. No one gives a fuck in high school. if someone cares enough to tell everyone that Justin felt up Hannah on the playground, no one is gonna care enough to believe it. When was the last time you heard a rumor about a girl getting felt up and went  “ wow this must be true what a slut I hate her”. It’s also unrealistic in the sense of the way it portrays depression, which is very poorly and Ill get to that more later. When I’m depressed I can’t even get out of bed, much less orchestrate an entire guilt trip with cassette tapes. Also the fact that Clay knows every single person on those tapes and their backstories despite having very different social groups as them? I’m not buying it. 7) It’s portrayal of depression and suicide. It makes it seem like its this beautifully sad pain. No. False. depression is like,  not getting out of bed because you’re physically unable too. It’s not taking a shower for weeks. It’s crying at two AM for no fucking reason. Miss me with this “I began to see the beauty in giving up” bullshit. You want to show suicide? Show what really happens. the wreckage people leave behind. Jay Ashter or whatever his name is goes into it a little bit when he’s talking about how her parents left for weeks and how the school counselor looked when he found out, but thats about it. Mainly it talks bout why she killed herself and how other people caused it, but not a realistic version of what the aftermath actually entailed. People, especially young people,  might look at this without knowing the true consequences of suicide or impacts of depression and get the wrong idea; namely they killing yourself is a revenge tactic to make everyone see how right you are and feel bad about what they did. Depression isn’t romantic emptiness and suicide isn’t a way to get revenge. It’s a serious issue and it just felt so… empty.8) While I’m not 100% sure, I’ve heard that not only does the Netflix series show the suicide, but also a really long rape scene. Can anyone say Yikes. Lets create a show about mental health and things that cause it,and then not give a fuck how said show will impact viewer’s triggers and mental health. There’s more but this post is already long as hell so I’ll end it here. I’m not the best writer, so there are some concepts that may have gotten muddled and not thoroughly explained, So i apologize for any misunderstandings someone gets if my words aren’t clear enough. I think you get the concept though.