#idk how much I should share here | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

s0ftcr33p · 5 months ago

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your words and actions don’t align…are you lying or is my mind playing tricks on me? you won’t tell me…I know you won’t because nobody ever does…so I will just run in circles and loose my mind trying to figure it out myself…

#we could be how we used to be if you just come back #the only thing making me upset is that you’re gone #but maybe it isn’t about that…#i don’t know #i will try to wait…#not act on my impulses #but my anxiety is going crazy #idk how much I should share here #will u see? will u feel safer or more triggered?? will you come back or run away #i don’t know anything #I just want us to be okay #but I’m getting nervous #just guessing what your actions and words mean #it’s not good for me #i’m spiraling #and I just want to get out of it…

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emmodii-mode · 2 months ago

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Shadowheart @ Karlach:

Lae'zel @ Karlach:

Minthara @ Karlach:

#baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate series #karlach #shadowheart #lae'zel #minthara baenre #i just love how all three of them pretty much have heart-eyes at karlach... the moment they meet her.#and let's be real here--- karlach deserves it #fucking laughing tho because you have minthara's commentary on everyone else but with karlach she's like... soft for her #idk it's really sweet so i wanted to post this and share some karlach love #...should i tag ships? i don't know the ships

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icewindandboringhorror · 4 months ago

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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting #with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though #you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would #think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page #disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol #THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended #(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever #so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with #no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know #EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably #It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end #point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc #I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc #rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is #not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school #but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia #and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like #the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot #or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are #familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them #Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol

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carletes · 3 months ago

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#i love you all so so so much but i genuinely feel sometimes like i'm writing into the wind???#it's no one's fault i promise you're all amazing and wonderful and i love you #i just don't know what i'm doing wrong??? i feel like my writing doesn't escape my little blog bubble #and i hate even discussing this rn i'm so embarrassed! but it sucks because i know how much effort i put into writing #and i know how original my concepts are i KNOW that i create whole worlds and they're interesting and vibrant #but i feel like unless i'm writing to a specific trope or adding pictures when i share things here only my baby die hards (ilu all) read #SHOULD i be adding pictures to my little links??? is that weird and pathetic to start doing now? idk i'm genuinely asking #and i've been in my head lately about something else that i think i'm reading too much into. but. idk.

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stardusteyes · 8 months ago

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Soooo..

Guess what I had the mixed fortune of hearing about recently.

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risingsunresistance · 8 months ago

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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao

#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy #dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people #ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free #you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao #btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell #i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far #throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG #i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood #a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement #when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore #the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy #i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao #the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw #if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao #it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement #would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever #some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this #idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors #could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that #the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun #but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason #when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been #work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat

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eternal-reverie · 9 months ago

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got the posting anxiety bad tonight

#click clack #ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go #ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog #BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me #because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art #like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public #and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot #a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury #the original posts I put here #but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication #my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵‍💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen #dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself #and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences #maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art #just a slow drip until they are in the forefront #bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º＿º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out #I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad #post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃

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ozymoron · 1 year ago

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reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

#⚠️#personal #having ocd makes making moral decisions so fucking hard for no reason #cause ill see a post thats like info or seems important and like i can tell its that kind of post just by skimming it st first and somethin #clicks in my brain that just tells me if i dont share that post everyone will know and think im a horrible person #regardless of what the actual post is about #i need like a handbook on how to make proper moral decisions #cause like yeah i do care about things i try to share stuff about things i care about and believe are important but sometimes i dont have #the energy to read long as posts and my brain twists it to make it out that people will know and i am the bad guy #idk my ocds telling me even saying this makes me a bad person #the fact i even struggle with this #sometimes i think im not built for social media but really i think social medias not built for people like me #maybe i should get help for my ocd but the idea of describing all the shit going on in my brain to someone just makes me feel scared #cause like i dont know when to draw the line at making something a problem i should actively have a hand in helping #how much is too much when do i stop #<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense #like some things you gotta invest like emotional shit into and like sometimes im just tired and i come on here and im faced with one of #those posts and i just have to debate with myself what the fuck im supposed to do #this is more a me issue than anything i need to sort this shit out with some mental health professional or something #cause like i dont want to have people think i dont care about these things i do and ik pressing reblog takes like no energy but idk man #im not even sure if some of the shit i reblog is cause i care or is just an ocd compulsion #i feel like most times its both #i cant help but think im the problem here i want to be on social media its just so draining having my mind repeatedly hound me for not like #showing enough care (reblogging more posts) about a certain issue online #idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd #vent #so funny right after i posted this i scrolled down and one of these posts was rigjt beneath it and the debate happens all over again #lord i need to get out of here

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flygonscales · 4 months ago

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I’ve just watched Hellraiser and it was so cool you know? I’ve already added Pinhead to my mental list of ‘people who are I think are cool and who I think I’d have a crush on if I wasn’t ace (it’s like I subconsciously identify them as people to have a crush on but my brain never gets any further except a vague sense of cool-ness but its different to the normal way of thinking a person is cool)’.

After this I’ve definitely identified what horror films I like - more sci fi or fantasy films with lots and lots of practical effects, fake blood and just lots of gunge. There’s a reason why I watched The Thing and it went straight up to one of my favourite films ever, and Hellraiser looks set to follow. I really want to watch The Fly, because if I’m not mistaken that’ll give me plenty of fun practical effects and alien slime.

#I guess another way to put the crush-not-crush thing is that they’re very easy on the eyes #there’s no desire or anything there #but I could spend a long time just looking at them #horror films with a strong sci fi or fantasy theme are #so much more interesting to me than just another serial killer #I’m probably overthinking this because lots of people enjoy horror #but I worry about displaying how much I liked watching Hellraiser. I don’t want to come off too enthusiastic about the gore #plus Ive always been the person who enjoyed dissections the most in class #idk. it’s probably nothing #(Insert witty comment about autism and low empathy)#(just wanna stress. real actual pain is horrible and terrible. I don’t think I could inflict it knowingly on anything. and I suck at coping #with it myself. I guess low empathy but very high sympathy?)#can’t go a single post without over sharing can I?#anyway if you’re interested the other people on the crush-not-crush list are #Albert Wesker. Jareth from Labyrinth. Fox Mulder. Andrew Eldritch (but like. as of 1987). Neo (he’s a weird one. when I first watched #the matrix I wanted to be him so badly. not the OP hacker powers either. just to look and be that cool. I don’t know if he should be here)#and now Pinhead #I reckon there’s loads of R34 of pinhead and I want to see exactly none of it #I guess I’ll just have to rewatch the film? (sarcasm)#anyway. I don’t know why I made this post #maybe I should get an actual diary or something so I don’t keep just spilling my soul onto the internet #also The Thing contains everything a good horror film needs imo. big scary monster? suspense as the crew turn against each other?#big explosions? an ever expanding threat? everything covered in blood and alien gunge?#it’s great

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the-brainrot-central · 4 months ago

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Writing over 30,000 words worth of content for a fic only to realize it’s all pointless because you have no interest in it anymore and you were never gonna finish it anyway….

What even is The Point anymore

#current mood #it’s so joever #this isn’t even the worst part honestly #what really sucks is that this project was the last thing in my life I had any sustainable interest in and now that’s gone too.#now I have nothing. like #the fuck am I supposed to do??? get a new interest??? that’s fucking impossible #nothing hits like it used to and everything is just….bland….and SO MUCH EFFORT to get into #like hobbies are so difficult? and my old hobbies (ex writing) are becoming more and more toxic and like a chore rather than something fun #like writing at this point has become a battle of perfectionism and I’m fucking losing #what am I supposed to do. nothing inspires me. I have no interests. no hobbies. not many friends irl #and it’s not like we ever hang out because people are a fucking piece of work #either they cling to you like dog shit or they never respond to your texts no in between #im just so tired of existing??? and also college??? is fine but like #what the fuck am I DOING here like #why am I getting an art degree??? is this really how I should be spending my time and my parents money?#what the fuck am I gonna do for a job??? what do I WANT from a job???? I don’t even fucking know #i can’t see myself being happy in life doing anything and that’s such a nonstarter #it makes it impossible to start planning anything because I feel paralyzed with fear #and like I said….i don’t have any interests. I don’t LIKE anything. I am the antithesis of curiosity and interest like. there’s just nothing #i can’t do this anymore #im so done #idk why I made this so long but #I guess I have a lot on my mind I wanted to share #sorry for cringe posting on main it will happen again #im sorry in general actually for everything im sorry for being needy and attention seeking and annoying and flaky and never finishing any of #my fics because I lose interest and for not responding to anyone in my inbox I’m sorry #personal #cringe #cringetober #long tags

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ihamtmus · 1 year ago

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the majority of the people who were upset with aziraphale for lying to crowley at the bandstand in season 1 did not understand his character or his situation. and many of them are upset with him again after season 2. because they still don't understand his character or his situation. btw.

#good omens #i have so many thoughts like you wouldn't believe #i don't share them on here much but that post about working in aziraphale apologism mines got to me #like yeah i'm an aziraphale apologism miner and i should dig a little #i might start with season 1 bandstand scene because so many people fundamentally misunderstand what happened there #there's lots of people who relate to crowley out there but you guys should maybe try to relate to aziraphale a little idk #and see things from his perspective #i have never ever seen a character more relatable than aziraphale tbh and it's a bit funny to see how many people just don't get him #my post #i might have to elaborate later because i have a lot to say #but the point is no he did NOT ''betray'' crowley at the bandstand #because at no point was he working with him for their own side until he explicitly defied orders in heaven send post

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yewphoric · 1 year ago

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i should rlly make textposts abt my ocs and just post more here in general lol. ive delegated a lot of shit to my sideblog so this one gets abandoned AND i spend most of my time talking on discord but idk i want to actually engage ppl on here??

if i post shit abt my ocs thats not just art promise not to be mean to me ok <3

#adrian speaks #IDKKKKK i had some weird feelings for the last like hour abt smth dumb and i realized i should be talking here more #idk like. cant lie im so jealous of ppl that have fans of their ocs beyond their friends #CANT OVERSTATE HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE MY FRIENDS HYPIGN UP MY OCS BTW !!!!#however. idk i want to build a ''''fanbase'''' if u can even call it that lol #mainly i want to be less shy abt sharing oc lore >:)#anyway whatever i should be sleepin

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alwritey-aphrodite · 1 year ago

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So excited that having almost 1000 followers means I get notes on my fics…

#like what the actual fuck #I feel like having over 900 followers means I should get at least 100 notes per fic on the low end… and here I am fucking begging for 20 #I spend hours and hours writing and editing and making moodboards like I have other responsibilities I’m a full time student but I love #writing and I love sharing my writing but it’s so fucking draining like I’m screaming into the void every time I post #I should need to beg for notes or interaction why is it so hard for people like… I’d rather you not follow me if you’re never going to #interact and I don’t write for the notes but I do post for notes… would an author publish a book just for no one to buy it??? like even #a reblog without a comment would be nice or just like a heart or a this was great would be so fucking wonderful but I guess that’s too much #ask for #anyway… idk how to feel rn

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#hhhhh i just wanna lay in bed watching movies all day. i need some sort of wizard to turn me into a salamander so i dont have to do my job #it takes me all day to relax and for what? its Sunday and i have to grade at e #least 45 lab reports and make a presentation about photosynthesis so i can teach tomorrow so that i can barely tread water #im so behind on grading. and thats not to mention all the other bullshit i should b doing. ugh. i just wanna not do anything #i got covid vaccinated yesterday so im kinda exhausted on top of preexisting exhaustion. anf i would like my problems to stop existing #also i forgot how annoying it is to live in a place with mice. like stop scurrying around in my walls! stop trying to make mouse holes #dont make me murder u bc i will. ill buy mouse traps and thdn youll b sorry #but id rather not do that bc itll b annoying to check the traps and dispose of the bodies. bleh #i just wanna watch surreal movies abt self destruction and cosmic horror #so annihilation and maybe sunshine bc i havent watched it and oh god whats that polish movie uuuuuh #i can't remember. it starts with s i think but all i can think is susperia which is not correct. solaris? i cant remember if i watched #it or just read thr book. idk i like surreal slightly pretentious movies. under the skin is another i lov #god. i dont wanna get up. i still only got 7hrs sleep. i just wanna lay here and decompose #fuck. i have so much to write for Wednesday. and i think i have to share a paper Friday. fuck.#unrelated