#idk how i haven't had covid yet

[fireheartedpup]

Like. My family supports me. They care about me. They want the best for me. They try to encourage me.

But. To illustrate. I was the only one not wearing sunglasses today. And the only one wearing a hat. Which is fine. It's just that I didn't laugh as loud as my mom, and she kind of tried to pry into that a little because it bothered her.

Didn't I think Grammy's story was funny, she asked. She probably felt like the one left out. I smiled, I just didn't laugh. I told her I'm used to humor like that.

I tried to tell her about the guy who started leaving flowers at someone's grave because he felt sorry that there weren't any, then met the guy's daughter, then apologized to the guy's daughter because the guy was her dad and he murdered her mom, then married her.

She didn't laugh. I didn't tell it in the best way, but she's never shared my sense of humor. Sometimes. Not like that.

I don't think I can spend that much time around my family anymore. They don't value the same things I value. They don't appreciate the same things I appreciate. There's very little overlap.

It's fine. It's just that in a room full of sunglasses, I am wearing a hat.

[everymlmhybrid]

There is nothing worse than being sick as an adult like oh great now everyone is gonna think I'm a loser and a liar who doesn't want to work when really I'm just miserable and have a human body

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Covid update, the vice grip pressure headache is gone, I was able to get out of bed without issues today, I actually slept through the night, AND don't feel feverish anymore 😤

[xnervouscircus]

it's going to haunt me forever wondering how much more time we might've gotten with the mighty nein and how much more satisfying their finale would have been if not for the fucking pandemic

[t4t4t]

Hi !

I got bottom surgery on July 25th ! :3

I'm recovering really well ! I've been told I can walk around more but still can't bike/swim and strenuous things of that nature. I'm unsure when I can work again, or even what to do with my experience and wanting to be covid safe.... receptionist ? Idk. I'd work in a nursery but I doubt they'd hire me. I'd like to find something before my FFS on January 28th that would be sympathetic to my taking off some time for that, but I'm not sure how possible that is.

Collie and I will need rent help for October/food/gas/utilities/lube/pads/etc. We're broke rn after paying September rent/food/gas, after food stamps ran out... I got my stamps again by now but yeah, had to reapply for hers and she hasn't gotten it again yet... but yeah no money for transportation costs for appointments this week rn...

Collie withheld 300 that ended up as "hers" somehow in her mind for a week this past week because she kept on threatening to prefer being homeless and taking it, and like, the roommates were concerned we weren't going to pay rent because I wasn't saying anything because I didn't know what to say. She caved when it was expressed the roommates didn't have money to pay what was left.

I have no idea if we'll find a new place before her bottom surgery in November (she's been given the date of 11/13) but she's threatening still preferring homelessness to being here. She's saying she can't recover here because she doesn't feel safe because of an antagonistic roommate and I'm not sure how to respond to that.

We shouldn't be homeless... I'm not sure why she would prefer it. I'm not even sure she wants to be with me... we have to get rid of the broken van that gives her athsma attacks more than we need to leave because of a roommate that makes us both uncomfortable... I hope her mom helps with that soon but we haven't been given much explicit information how or when about that. We should try to sell the van but she threatens to pack up and leave almost every day...

We got rent in the nick of time last time (we had 622 before Sep 1 but yeah she did hold onto part of it for a week...), I think it's probably not impossible we get 6-900 again this month but I'm not sure I can expect donations enough for us to move like because of a deposit or smth...

It would be ideal if we could get help enough to feel comfortable enough to leave and that we find somewhere who's sympathetic to us not having a "proof of income" like where we are now is, and maybe they wouldn't have a deposit, but we'll see... OHP "Flex Fund" may respond for either of us but may not.

I also need 100 to pay for 6 months of the PO box we've had for the past 4 years of struggling to find housing and mostly being homeless.

Anything helps !

Thank you everyone so much, y'all have saved our lives. <3

0/922

https://www.paypal.me/NoraEstherRose

https://venmo.com/u/nora-esther-rose

https://www.paypal.me/androgynophore

https://venmo.com/u/Leah-Esther-Rose

[lukascastelan]

Ok, so this is the wall, in my bedroom which consists of many many fandoms or just topics I have grown to enjoy over time. A couple are outdated considering now, but they were pretty special to me when painting it. The wall was finished in 2023 on June 15.

Many were made by printing the logos/designs on my printer, tracing the backs really hard in a pencil, and then firmly pressing each design onto the wall so I had a stencil of what I was coloring in. Many are just designs I found on the internet at the time and others are just logos or things I thought would be a good symbol for said fixation at the time.

Did I want it to look different at the beginning? Yes, originally it was going to be the symbols or main characters in one big collage but I realized that I have zero art skills and it wouldn't ever be accomplished so I made the design more simple and now I really like how it turned out.

Do I wish a few were different now because of time or lack of interest? Yes and no. Yes, because I either don't like a certain topic at all anymore or I just could have something that I think represents me more on there but for right now I'm okay with how it is. No, because I look at this wall every day of my life, and seeing a certain square can remind me of a specific time in my life that I really enjoyed and I love that feeling.

Do I think that some of the squares are a little cringe now over time and how I have changed as a person? Absolutely but I could never ever get myself to get rid of those ones because they might be looked upon as weird or cringe now but at the time they helped me get through so many tough times that I can't get myself to get rid of those.

A few of these squares will definitely be changed but at least 97% of them I love seeing every day because of the memories and good times. I love my wall and it represents what I've liked over the years and that's okay. You should be able to like what you want without being criticized for it, hell I've debated posting this because I was scared that people were going laugh at the things on there but to be honest? Let me laugh with you as I remember how that square I cringe on now or how that square I would defend with my life. Just be you, that's all.

What are the fixations that are on the wall, and do I still want them there? I'll tell ya starting from the top right corner.

863 - Youtube series (Keep)

Five Nights at Freddy's - Video game series (Keep)

Amphibia - Animated TV show (Keep)

Amulet - Graphic novel sereis (Keep)

Arcane - Animated TV show (Keep)

Bendy and The Ink Machine - Video game series (Keep)

Brooklyn 99 - TV show (Keep)

Carmen Sandiego - Animated TV show (Keep)

Chuckle Sandwich - Podcast (Keep)

Cuphead - Video Game (Keep)

DanTDM - Youtuber (Keep)

Compass South - Graphic Novel series (Keep)

Detroit Become Human - Video Game (Keep)

The Last of Us - Video Game series/TV show (Keep)

The Dragon Prince - Animated TV show (Keep)

Mandela Catalogs - Analog Horror series (Keep)

DreamSMP - Youtube/ Minecraft server (Depends, I always look back now and cringe at myself but then I remember how it was at the time and how it felt to me at the time. Probably keep though just because of how it got me through Covid and just a rough spot in general)

Droid - Youtuber (Keep)

Eddsworld - Youtube series (Keep)

Flash - I watched the TV show (Keep)

Harry Potter - Books/Movies (I honestly like Fantastic Beats movie spinoff more than the main books/movies. Idk why but this one might change over time or it'll stay, haven't really decided that yet, maybe)

Henry Danger - TV show (Keep)

Hilda - Animated TV show (Keep)

How to Train Your Dragon - Movies/Books/TV Show (Keep)

Infinity Train - Animated TV show (Keep)

Jurrasic Park - Movies/Books (Keep)

The Group Chat - Youtube group/Podcast (Keep)

Last Kids on Earth - Books/TV show (Keep)

Lucifer - TV show (Most likely change)

Marvel (Keep)

Merlin - TV show (Keep)

Minecraft - Video Game (Keep)

Star Wars - Movies/TV shows/books/etc. (Keep)

Ninjago - Animated TV show (Keep)

The Owl House - Animated TV Show (Keep)

Percy Jackson - Books/TV show/Movies (Keep)

Pokemon - Video game series, etc. (I really don't know why I put this on here, I was never a really big fan other than owning the cards so will probably change)

Sam and Colby - Youtubers (Keep)

The Walten Files - Analog Horror series (Keep)

Space Boy - Webtoon but I found it through the graphic novels (Keep)

Spongebob - Animated TV show (Keep)

Steven Universe - Animated TV show (Keep)

Stranger Things - TV show (Keep)

Subnautica - Video Game series (Keep)

Treasure Planet - Animated Movie (Keep)

Umbrella Acadamy - TV Show (Keep)

Voltron - Animated TV Show (Probably change because I never really got into it but binged it with my sister, liked it but not love)

Wings of Fire - Books/Graphic Novels (Keep)

Things I would want on the wall now

Transformers

Multiple Analog Horror series

Portal games (Though I painted my closet doors portal themed so I think it cancels out)

maybe some music albums but I have something like that in my room already

The Magnus Protocol

ONG might put Ao3 on there tbh

Some absolute BANGER webtoons

Some more recent YouTube series, animated of course

Over the garden wall was literally a fever dream but I loved it

OH lab rats and Mightty med I grew UP on those

Gravity Falls

More that I can't think of rn

Okay wow um I don't usually post this big but I really like my wall and just wanted to share it. Maybe I'll post some more stuff about my room that I like just because I'm proud of it.

Part 1(This one), Part 2

[iwasforcedtomakethisbytum]

Idk if you’re taking requests, but if you are, do you have any Texas (especially angst)? 👁️👁️

*🩴*

Well texas is my favorite character so thanks for giving me even more opportunity to talk about him

Well in the fanfic I'm writing (i haven't in a while actually i should probably get back to it) in texas's backstory he was homeschooled from the moment he was born, alaska stayed in school because he was old enough to convince his parents to not pull him out (they have an 11 year age difference) i feel his parents did it because they didn't like what was being taught in school and thought they could provide a better education, i feel from a young age he would be asking Alaska what he'd be learning and his parents just kinda gave up on Texas education especially when he wasn't picking up reading or not getting math, and basically texas had major education gaps that still effect him even if he's taught himself to make up for it

He runs away to Alaska house and Alaska didn't even know how but he did and there Alaska saw that Texas was 15 and could barely read, i feel alaska would think to put texas in school maybe get him in a special education program to catch him up but texas didn't have any legal documents on him so they just education him themselves

And years later in 2020 he's in his mid twenties he's got a job and a GED and he thinks he got over that time

Well no of course not because covid came and left him to be isolated yet again, and he can't handle how much it reminds him of the years he was homeschooled, he probably spent most of his time in quarantine just crying in bed

It wasn't like he didn't spend a decent amount of his free time at home because he didn't have many friends but it's more the fact he doesn't have a choice in the matter

Idk if it's amazing angst but it's there, do whatever you want with it

Y'know how cartoons will pretray characters sobbing eating ice cream, i feel like i could see that with him, maybe with others foods as well. Idk he just needs to have some kind of coping mechanism

[transificationbeem]

I didn't know one of the people was a TERF, who was it? <- someone who doesn't know who the two women accusing gaiman are

Hi! The ONLY source that, to my knowledge, exists for these accusations is Tortoise Media, which is a TERF site. One of the main journalists that investigated the whole thing was Rachel Johnson, sister of the former UK PM Boris Johnson. The woman is a straight up TERF. Notably, David Tenant (good omens actor, fervent defender of trans rights, has insulted Boris Johnson on interview (about covid, in the clip i saw) as WELL as the recent thing insulting Kami Banedoch for being transphobic) had recently gone to bat for trans rights, and Gaiman has been in open support of trans rights as well for a long while now. Tennant has a trans kid.

The first article that dropped ABOUT the podcast was also pushing TERF articles last I saw. The podcast itself has strange facts—both accusers have basically the exact same story set 20 years apart, both claim the relationship was completely consensual and enthusiastic except in the specific instances they're accusing, both claim to have be predated on at a young but adult age. Now, usually this might be like. An MO for someone who has a habit of doing this, except...it's twice, twenty years apart, and I certainly haven't seen anyone else come out. Usually when there's such a huge amount of time, a bunch of other people will gather the courage to stand up and add their own assault to the list.

Now, I will be very clear: I am not saying for certain these women lied. I can't know that, obviously. I don't know neil gaiman and I don't claim to know anything about his character beyond how staunch he's been publically about trans rights.

But it absolutely should be kept in mind that the case these women present is so incredibly grey, and if they ARE lying they have picked the PERFECT lie to get away with. There is literally no way Gaiman CAN prove, for absolute certain, he did not do this, given that they literally go on about how they had consensual relations in their proof texts.

There's some other weird stuff going on, like the podcast stating they interviewed Gaiman even though he's been completely radio silent, the fact that it came out on a podcast in the first place and not like. An actual news article? IDK.

Honestly, maybe I'm being a little harsh, but I'm incredibly frustrated with how a lot of people on this website could witness a male/masc assault with their own two fucking eyeballs, or literally hear recorded confessions and STILL say the victim was the aggressor—and yet they'll jump over themselves to shame and silence anyone for being the least bit skeptical of an incredibly strange and well-timed accusation (by a fucking TERF whose family was literally insulted by an actor in one of Gaimans queer-positive shows) against a prominent writer who's been very vocally supportive of trans people.

Bottom line: believe victims, but be aware that victimhood (especially of this kind) has been used as a weapon against marginalized people throughout history, and will continue to be used as such. It's not conspiracy theorizing to look at all the facts objectively and come to the conclusion that something seems a little off.

[onomatopiya]

writer tag game!

hiiii thank you @avi-why for tagging me this game seems so fun :D

1. is there a common piece of writing advice that you disagree with? alternatively, is there one you think (generally) most people should follow?

oooooh okay! generally i dislike any hard absolutes like "don't use adverbs ever" because i mean. no piece of advice like that will ever be universal and it's important to consider what Your Piece of writing needs rather than trying to fit a set of ~arbitrary guidelines~

as for advice i think works, i think consistency in writing will always be key to improvement. i like. very heavily stagnated in actual writing after covid (i was like. good lord i was 15 then. wild) because i got bogged down trying to make my book Perfect. and i think if i had actually written more during that time i would be a much better writer now! more writing = more improvement and practice makes pretty damn close to perfect etc etc

2. you can have dinner with any author, living or dead. but the catch is that after the dinner, you and that author will team up against a third writer in a no holds barred cage match throwdown. which 2 authors do you pick?

OOOOH ok. i'm currently very enamored with andrew joseph white and lee mandelo's writing because they both write GORGEOUS prose so maybe one of them? OOO or r.f. kuang . i think tolstoy should get got in the cage match. cry old man

3. have you ever experimented with poetry, plays, or screenwriting? what was the result?

YES i have and now i have a web series. help girl this was not supposed to be longer than a short fiction piece and yet. also shameless self plug you can read my web series about a dead girl haunting her own narrative HERE: https://gloryburning.substack.com/

i do want to experiment more with poetry though!!! that's one medium i haven't really dipped my toes into so to speak

4. what type of rancid twitter discourse would your current wip generate?

oh god what discourse WOULDN'T rr spark. i definitely think having an aroace mc weaponize someone else's attraction to him is probably um. discourse worthy. my top fear is that someone unironically ships lahar (romance and sex repulsed aroace) with anthony (horrible white savior who has no semblance of self) some other notable things that happen in the book:

diversity loss the capitalist kendall roy ass character (anthony) is gay

people of color get to KILL

ruh roh! tragedy :(

horrible horrible body augmentations with dangerous and ableist implications

so much murder. so much assassination. god bless

5. what author would you love to be compared to? what author would you hate to be compared to?

OOOOOOH . uhhhh i love so many authors oh god. i do love neil gaiman i would be so floored if someone compared me to that guy. OH and terry pratchett . probably would not want to be compared to like. jkr. booooo

6. design the ideal piece of merch/swag for your wip.

oh this one is so me bait. i have serious merch and then deeply unserious merch

7. free space: what's one thing you really want to talk about in your writing that no one ever asks about?

I LOVE soulmate horror and just. idk taking different concepts and hitting them with my aroace beam. i love aroace horror i love aroace people. and i think there should be more weird aspec fiction

and question time. putting them below the cut along with tags

what's the first story you can remember writing? how does it compare to the way your writing has evolved? where do you see your writing going in the future?

what parts of yourself (if any) have gone into your current wip? alternatively, how would you fare if you were suddenly dropped into your own wip?

what's one quality of your writing that feels completely unique? what's one thing you want to improve upon in the future?

make or share a meme that you feel captures the essence of your wip.

what are your goals as a writer? do you want to publish? is your writing for your eyes only?

which of your characters is your favorite to write and why?

free space: feel free to be self indulgent--do you have any aus or your wips? if so, what, and if not, what aus/fanfic would you write of your work?

tagging: @macywrites, @cream-and-tea, @saltwaterbells, @coffeeandcalligraphy, @wren-is-writing, @encrucijada, @snowinks, @chayscribbles, @cuntylittlesalmon, and anyone else who wants to do this

[chocolate-failure]

🐿🐲🐶⛰️🍗🐥🐈‍⬛🐻

163

Idk... I went to the ateez concert and really enjoyed it. I dressed up and looked nice. I worked really hard on the fit and made alterations to stuff I bought, it was mostly light sewing but I feel like my hair alone is a feat to most. I do my own hair and I'm exceedingly proud of this particular style. I used a technique where you feed in additional hair in the braid as you're braiding for the first time and it came out really nice. I did a really good job and put a bunch of effort and thought into the outfit.

Yet I feel fucking horrible.

I saw my ribs for the first time in a long ass time this past weekend. Not just when I raise my arms cuz of course that doesn't count. It was ungodly fucking hot and of course I ended up not eating anything all day and having limited water cuz the venue makes it hard af to stay hydrated after they call you in and line you up. But it's kinda wild to think 163lbs/74kg is when my ribs are visible. I'm a large mfkr. Not crazy big but big enough to feel dysphoric surrounded by a bunch of tiny people who wish they were as big as me. I think that's part of the reason the VAV concert had me so fuckin stressed. I was also stressed cuz I was looking these dudes in the eye when I remember them being so much taller than me. I could've honestly cried. I haven't felt so ugly and oafish since middle school.

But I can see my ribs.

And that should be the only thing that matters, right? Idk... it feels like anytime I'm perceived by the world I want to fuckin die? Like being in the world and being known is so goddamn distressing. Someone took a pic of my car that went semi-viral which was p cool cuz I thought noone gave a shit about the things I did and made and think they do but as far as I understand I don't matter. Which like I kind of assumed but I got a lil excited to know that ppl thought my car looked cool that maybe idk ppl would be interested in other stuff I did and made. That was dumb. I'm not dumb but I have exceedingly dumb thoughts. I feel like that makes me a dumb person but I am constantly reminded that it doesn't. I don't know how. Not truly. I get that there is nuance and that life happens on a spectrum but at some point you get enough "dumb dumb" points that you're just a "dumb dumb".

I keep putting this down but the words in my head are circling, threatening to suffocate me within an inch of my life.

I've been on the cusp of screaming for decades.

I'm sick. I've been in bed for the past 3 days and I hate it. Since covid I get sick at the drop of a hat. Makes wanting to enter the world even less attractive when it poses a significant threat to both my mental and physical health. I do think I'd like to die. But like just so that I can't continue living this life. I hate this planet. I thought last night if aliens came and asked me if all of humankind should be eradicated, what would I say. I don't think we've done good for this planet outside of what we've done for ourselves, and I don't think our impact on ourselves is at a net positive. I don't think it's a matter of whether we deserve it, we never did and that's not the point. But I do think I'd be kind of an asshole to keep people from doing all the things they'd been planning for and anticipating. But being as mentally ill as I am I'm certainly not in a position to be making sweeping decisions for all of us. I'm not even sure if I'm one of us...

I know I don't matter, but it stings a little to be reminded so bluntly. I feel the need to reinvent myself. Recede into the shadows, form my fucking chrysalis, and emerge covered on my own shit. And not so much reinvent as evolve, but how much evolving can an individual inact before life's fabric rubs thin?

[lastlight-inn]

Hi hi!! 🩷🤍🤎

I answered 🩷 and 🤍 here already but I gotchu with 🤎.

🤎 Brown: How did you decide to write (or why are you writing) a certain fanfic? (Asker, feel free to choose a specific story you're curious about. You can also let the answerer choose the story.)

As I only have one real long fic I've been writing, I will address You're At the Top of My Lungs.

Poppy is a very very old OC and she is frequently subjected to my hot boy of the month. But as a result of her being so old, I have a canon history with her. She "lives" in our timeline. I know her birthday. I know what she was doing in 2012. A lot of her background that I've shared in YATTOML is "canon" as it were lmao. I didn't have to develop it for my bg3 story with her, it's been sitting with me for years.

She dumped her last partner in 2018 when she found out they were cheating and all her other attempts at dating afterward fizzled out. So she's sort of been celibate by choice for a few years. This can be helpful because it gives me "room" to have her meet someone...whenever in that timeline (though COVID does throw a wrench into those things.) Given all of that, It was very easy to slip Gale into her story.

I sort of did the reverse that people have been doing with Gale x Tav. I pulled Gale into our world with Poppy instead of inserting her into BG3. It was already "canon" that Poppy's mother was born in England and moved to America for the boy she met at University. I had started thinking that Poppy would visit England in her summers as a child ages before I started playing BG3. It was easy to make Morena her mom's childhood and university friend, for their children to be close in age and to befriend each other.

In one version of this universe, Gale does NOT miss her mother's funeral but something else happens that breaks the relationship, but in a much more forgiving way. So when Poppy decides to move to England for Reasons in the fall of 2023 and happens to run into Gale, it's easier for her to forgive him in a low-stakes scenario such as that.

That being said, and to get back to the original question, I spent months thinking about Gale and Poppy in Our world before I sort of hit a wall (like...what does their future look like? idk what Poppy's future looks like because I haven't lived it yet )That's where the actual game comes in.

I play a self-insert Lore bard version of Poppy in my main bg3 playthrough. That is not canon. Instead, I started trying to figure out how I could actually fit Poppy into the story given what I already know about her background, character, etc. It's copied over fairly seamlessly. Having the friendship breaking moment be that Gale misses her mom's funeral is Insane (I am very aware, I apologize to anyone that's been turned off by my fic because of that lmao) but I couldn't use the "real" reason because...Mystra is a goddess and the reason isn't really possible in my mind because of that fact. Eventually the Gale brainrot turned into full-on PoppyxGale brainrot to the point where I needed to write it all down.

I have never written Poppy before for two reasons.

Her story in "current day" is nebulous and I want to keep it that way.

Her backstory (i.e. who she's friends with "IRL") is a little too self-indulgent for me to feel comfortable sharing. I feel pre-emptive embarrassment even considering writing that idk her bandmate used to be the drummer for My Chemical Romance (I'm going to go throw up now please don't look at me).

But the BG3 storyline is so Contained and far, far away from #2 that I was like...wait....I KNOW exactly what happens. This is a static storyline I'm creating...and I want to remember it. And share it.

Idk if I'll ever write what I consider Gale x Poppy's canon story in our timeline (I consider BG3 an AU as it were lol). Sharing that maladaptive daydream feels too personal.

tldr; brain got Too Full and I needed to write it down lmao

As for the Modern College AU I have in the works that I talk about in the linked ask/answer, I wanted to write that one because a) the lack of Modern AUs esp with a younger Gale and b) my love of college radio. I was a part of my university's college radio station for all 4 years and it was so important to me, my growth, and my life at that time. I want to write something that's sort of an ode to that and I feel like would be a bit different! I want to use the radio as a sort of Greek Chorus for the fic and that one idea has been singlehandedly fueling my writing and brainworm for that particular project. Now all I need is to figure out how Gale and Poppy actually get together in that universe 😭.

WELL THAT WAS LONG but ty for your ask 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[anatheyma]

14, 18, 33 :3

14: how do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

- i believe it's a common thing for autistic people to not really have a grasp on gender and gender roles the same way allistic people seem to have. so yeah, i think me being neurodivergent plays a part in the way i've never felt like i fit in any strict labels. gender is more like a performance for me, similar to masking in a way if that makes sense. as for my upbringing, i grew up in a surprisingly gender neutral environment. by that i mean my parents never forced gender roles on me when i was a child, they never commented on the way i'd change my appearance. well, maybe a gasp from my mom when i first buzzed my head, but that was it. i'm actually not out to my family as trans, though they've always known i'm queer. i've tried explaining to my mom, but i don't think she understands lol. she makes me watch trans documentaries with her sometimes, so i think she might be trying, but yeah... my brothers and dad just think i'm a lesbian, but my brothers have referred to me as their brother sometimes so idk, they might be onto something. but yeah :D i've had the privilege of being able to express myself. the reason i haven't had the trans talk with them yet is because the communication in this family kind of sucks a lot and i'm nervous, probably for no reason, but still. maybe some day! i know they'd be accepting, i'm just a pussy basically.

18: how old were you when you got to attend your first pride? who did you go with?

- i was about 12-13! it was in 2014. i've been to pride every year since then, except for covid years :P so this year it'll be 10 years since my first pride... wow... wild. i went with my friends!

33: what about your lgbt identity do you feel proud of / want to recognize / celebrate?

- all of it! i love being queer! i wouldn't wanna have it any other way! i remember wishing i was cis so badly, but now that sounds like my worst nightmare. i know in my heart no matter what gender i would've been born as, i'd still be trans and i'd still wanna kiss cute girls and cute boys and cute people like me who dgaf about gender

[conkreetmonkey]

How does Sakurai keep aging backwards??

Watching the latest Masahiro Sakurai YouTube video and

how does this man keep aging backwards. He looks significantly younger now than he did when I was watching his Smash Ultimate reveal videos a few years ago. I'm actually comparing videos now and it's not just me misremembering what he looked like back then, he legitimately looked a decade older in his Smash for 3DS/Wii U videos compared to today. How does he do it?

Now, these example images are far from perfect, I wasn't planning on making this post so this is kind of a quickie. Still, am I crazy, or does Sakurai look far younger today than he did 4 years ago? (I'm aware the quality of the modern photo is far better than the first, but the hat's not on me there; the Smash Bros videos just had less resolution than is seen now on Sakurai's personal YT channel. Weird.)

I've noticed a few distinct ways in which he looks significantly better now:

His skin looks noticeably more youthful. His laugh lines seem to have all but vanished, and his face appears to have significantly more healthy colour to it. The difference appears slight in this photo comparison, but in some older videos from the 3DS/Wii U era it's much clearer. He looks significantly less pale now, and any lines that were present on his face have seemingly disappeared.

This one is more obvious: his eyebags are gone! He's clearly sleeping far better now. The difference is night and day.

Again, not too noticeable from the pictures given, but Sakurai's hair seems to be smoother, glossier and darker than it used to be. Perhaps he's dyed it or is using different products now, but it looks far healthier and youthful now, and that's not even to say it looked bad before. He's always had great hair (and has never been bad-looking in any field), but it's really shining nowadays.

idk why I'm even making this post. In all likelihood, he's just far less stressed nowadays without Smash Ultimate and Covid to worry about. Still, I think it was worth pointing out. Masahiro Sakurai looks phenomenal. Again, not to imply he's ever looked bad. He's always been, in my opinion at least, quite an attractive man. I also understand that this post may come across as creepy or obsessed, but I haven't watched any Sakurai content since high school, in which my friend group was heavily Smash-oriented and we kept up with the development and new character additions like other men do sports. In an unorthodox way, Masahiro Sakurai was a huge part of my teenage years. I idolized him back then, and I'd still consider him a man worth looking up to; his passion for his craft is damn near unmatched. If every big name gave developer cared as much about the art they were creating as Sakurai, the entire gaming scene would be so, so much better.

This is an appreciation post, I suppose, as well as just me being happy a guy I followed closely a few years ago now seems to be doing better than ever. I get that he was and still is a multimillionaire, but back in the day he was working himself to the bone. I mean, passing out at work, winding up in the hospital, and then going right back to work with a IV drip in his arm?? He's clearly worked extremely, unhealthily hard to gain his wealth. I'm glad he's visibly less stressed out nowadays, and austounded at how much better he looks. There's graceful aging, and then there's Masahiro Sakurai. He's 52, and works like a coked-out mule with a sick kid at home and a debt to the mob, yet despite all this I wouldn't think he's a day over 30. You fucking go, Sakurai.

[marmolita]

are we just cursed in December or??? details behind the cut, cw for cancer, death (don't worry me and my husband and kids are fine)

So last December we went to visit my family for the holidays as usual and it was kind of a total nightmare. Mr Lita was having panic attacks because we found that chipmunks had excavated a city under our porch and destabilized it and he was afraid of rodents getting into our house, my sister had COVID, and Southwest airlines totally fucked up so that we had to book a different flight home days later than we intended. It was altogether a miserable month.

This year, my mom's coming out here and everything was looking good! Mr Lita was doing fine, nothing's wrong with the house, etc.

Except, we just found out his dad has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. This was literally a couple days ago so we don't have much info yet but his parents had a friend pass from pancreatic cancer recently and it was only six weeks from her diagnosis to passing. He's already trying to sort out his financial papers and make funeral plans and he hasn't even had a biopsy yet. I believe he intends to only seek palliative or hospice care, which tbh is very reasonable given the extremely short timeline for most people with pancreatic cancer.

The day after we found that out, my kid who has anxiety and emetophobia had her first major panic attack in months because having a cold with a wet cough freaked her out, and is still not quite back to her normal yet. We haven't told the kids about their grandpa's cancer yet.

My mom's coming out to spend the holidays with us next Friday and I'm like gosh!!! How am I gonna make this a fun holiday season for my kids when their grandpa is dying!!! How am I gonna make sure my anxious kid doesn't start having panic attacks about whether she herself might have cancer!!! I don't know if he's going to die in two weeks or a month or six months and I don't know how to plan fun things for my kids with the knowledge that we may have to cancel at any moment if things go south even faster than they already are.

My sister-in-law is on vacation in New Zealand for this entire month so gosh I hope he at least has a month of time so she can get back to see him. He has a biopsy on Tuesday and his first appointment with the oncologist the day after Christmas which seems interminably far away. I feel completely helpless to help my in-laws or my husband right now and I fucking suck at keeping a brave face because i will cry at a moment's notice.

We're going to have to tell the kids tomorrow I think because my brother-in-law is gonna come down and they'll want to get together and so they'll need to know. I know it's better for my kids if I can be calm and confident talking to them about it but I simply cannot have a conversation about this without bawling.

And I wanted to do all this fun stuff with my kids and my mom for Christmas! And I know that my father in law wants my kids to be happy and having fun and not worrying about him! But how am I supposed to do that!! My sister and her family are coming a couple days after Christmas too and idk whether everything will be fine or whether there will be additional drama there. 😩 What do I do if he takes a turn for the worse very rapidly and doesn't even make it through the month?

I kind of hate how this part of it was easier at least when my dad passed away. He was in ill health for a long time and we knew he probably wouldn't be around more than another year but we didn't have a specific terminal outcome for most of that time so it was easy to not think about it too much. Then when he couldn't do dialysis anymore it was basically a very specific timeline and we knew he would not be around more than two weeks from that point. It was awful and I hated it but at least we knew.

[lapeaudelamemoire]

(G-d I hate typing on my phone but I need to talk about this and my husband is asleep next to me pt II:)

depressed because man idk December is depressing. It's the end of the year and suddenly that means obligations and the time snapping like a rubberband when the elastic is old and starting to tear slowly in one place, stretching at first in the early days and then cut short at the end and you know it's coming.

but that's an excuse. depressed because i'm looking for a fucking psych internship next year and the paid options the college i'm at are offering are fuck-all, and the going's slow, and i'm mad. the cost of things is going up everywhere and this is serious fucking work, difficult and draining everyone agrees and acknowledges, and yet they don't want to fucking pay you, for an entire year. what an absolute fucking joke. and i saw someone from sg post about how a $50 basket of groceries is barely fucking anything these days and i don't want my dad to keep paying these ridiculous international student fees. and i'm stressed, and i'm tired, and i just want to find a way to fucking live, g-ddamn.

and depressed because my honours thesis going unpublished because i haven't had the mental space to work on it while doing masters full-time (i can't do anything but, As An International Student) this year, but i feel like i owe it to the participants and those who are still affected by covid to do it, and because these interviews I've been doing none of the people are wearing masks. (my thesis was a qualitative study on the lived experiences of immunocompromised folks after COVID public health restrictions were lifted in Naarm ['Melbourne'].) and i feel like i should work on it and it's still important but i'm afraid it's too late now and the 'time's passed' for it or whatever but the guilt. it also didn't get worked on because i don't trust my thesis supervisor and when i asked to speak about it to the honours coordinators this year they gave me platitudes and didn't address it properly but apparently trying to publish without your supervisor when you've never published before is like, doesn't look good or whatever, but i don't know anyone else to ask or who else to go to for advice so it's just been left off; but really that in itself makes me feel fucking lost and alone in this guilt sauce and marinating. and i know this is whining and i should just get myself to do it and see what happens but fuck.

i just. feel so fucking bottlenecked. and i know i'm avoiding it by allowing myself to be paralysed by fear and whatnot instead of taking control and actually doing something about it but - ugh.