#idk how i even wrote a damn fic girl truly what

[ishizizzle]

Can't believe I'm about to edit my fic when I get home girl what year is it

[simpjaes]

idk if u would like this but. idol!jake fingering idol!reader while he reads out loud what people online say about her when they sexualize her / write smut abt her😂

i don't typically do idol aus but i literally haven't stopped thinking about this for like...days. wc: 706

"look how tight they think you are." Jake coos in your ear from behind, arms that were once wrapped around you in a warm hug now holding you against him just so he can keep up the pace under your shorts with his fingers. "imagine if they knew they were right."

you can't help the warmth that fans your cheeks. you'll never get used to it when he does this with you, always eager to read and see what people have to say about you online, only to end up hard and touchy after looking a bit too into it.

you know what you signed up for regarding this career path. there would be smut, there would be comments, there would be all sorts of pornographic materials made about you. that's something you came to terms with before you even made this decision, but realizing that Jake, a man within this same career path, ignores his own smut just to read yours?

you'd argue he may be one of the anonymous accounts writing it in the first place given how he reacts. sometimes he's jealous, other times he's reminded that he's the one who gets to do these things to you.

just like right now, as he recites specific passages from some raunchy fan fiction he said you had to hear about. you were gonna ask him how he found it, and why he's already read it, but you didn't really have to.

considering that warm and endearing hug from earlier absolutely included his cock already hard and probably leaking in his pants.

"pretty skin, all swollen from the bites." Jake continues to read, whispering in your ear as he starts dragging his teeth down your neck. "tight cunt, dripping and needy." he continues, scissoring his fingers open to remind you of just how well these fans must know you.

"Oh, look babe," Jake smiles, angling his fingers just right to have you rolling your eyes. "how come you say all sorts of dirty shit here, but you're too shy to do it for me?"

you can't turn to look at him with a quirked brow like you wish you could, but you're aware that he probably knows the dumbfounded look on your face.

"tell me to fuck you." He dead-pans behind your neck with a breathy whispers, moving to the other side to nibble against your ear. "Be like her, tell me how deep you wish i could be in you right now." ah, the flush is back and your cheeks are on fire. You've never been much of a talker in bed, but having to live up to the half-truths some horny fan wrote is...well.

both hot and creepy. You'd never have paid these websites a single glance if it weren't for Jake consistently reading them out to you.

you can't bring yourself to be like that for him, as you dip your head against his arm and shake your head 'no.' jake smiles at how cute you truly are, sliding his fingers out to circle your clit, reminding himself that he's got the real girl right here. "just say it once baby, please." Jake says playfully, kissing your jawline as he feels your hips move up and against the pads of his fingers, aiming your clit right where you want it. "You'd sound so pretty- just like they said you would." something inside of you cringes, but another part of you ignites at how into every version of you Jake seems to be. You take in a breathe, releasing a slight moan from the pressure below as you sigh out for him. "fuck me, jake." ah, he's so proud to be the one to hear those words. So, so fucking proud to be the one to get to do it to you. And fuck, he'd give just about anything to rub it in those chronically online loser's faces. After all, that's his girlfriend they're writing about. No matter how hot, no matter how much Jake would love for you to be just like the version of you in some of these fics, he'll be fucking damned not to love you how you really are. So pretty, so sweet, so willing to indulge him.

[ultfreakme]

So one of my fav fic author, just wrote a non-power AU of GoYuu (gojo/yuji) & SukuFushi (sukuna/ fushiguro) and...... I don't know what to feel. Like, have you know someone who ship them (it's the first for me) ? The fic's not underage, yuji's and megumi's age had been aged up by the author, but still the age gap, the dynamics, right? Can you think the reasons to ship them? Well, creativity really knows no bound.....😂😶

Oooh I have actually come across both of these ships very often on ao3. The ItaJun tag has a bunch of them on top hehe. I actually used to ship Sukuna and Megumi a little back when the anime was first airing(not anymore though).

For Gojo/Yuuji I think the first episode scene where their faces are super duper close probably kickstarted it

(Gojo: tf is personal space??? what's thaaaat???) GoYuu has a very popular ship dynamic I've observed in many fandoms; Student x Teacher. There's always a kind of jaded, aloof and distant teacher-figure who's shipped with the cheery, open-minded and sunny student-figure. I've heard that dynamic is really popular in East Asian fandom spaces(it appears a lot in danmei novels I've read). GoYuu was apparently the most popular ship in Japan (it beat out SatoSugu). Gojo argued to keep Yuuji alive and gave him time, so that's probably a point of appeal too. Gojo usually has no serious reactions to anything, he could have easily killed Yuuji and been done with it but he wanted him to live(Megumi did but eh, technicalities). What made this distant and carefree person take interest in the well-being of this stranger? Why would he risk the world for this one boy? That's probably the start of it. And then in the development, it's probably about how Yuuji can break down Gojo's walls and make him be more honest in his emotions.

2. Sukuna/Megumi: I used to ship it because I thought Sukuna was interested in Megumi as a person, assumed he'd be someone who can give him a good fight or wanted him as an ally.

Also this probably, look at that aesthetic appeal:

(Damn Mappa had a thing for these, ItaJun also had this. Why???? Fuel fujo-bait??? I thank them for the ItaJun version)

Right before this Sukuna's all giggling laughing asking Megumi to give him more(to fight against, but like, SukuFushi enjoyers probably enjoy taking that to mean something different). I think we all assumed he was interested in Megumi's evolution as a sorcerer. He takes joy in fighting and if anyone can catch his interest, it'd be someone who's struggling to get stronger and sees him as a rival.

It seems like he doesn't give a shit about anyone but Megumi. Like that one time he verbatiom said "Aside from him, I truly don't care". Also in Shibuya arc he heals Megumi and fights Mahoraga and everyone though it's because he cares about him(I was a fool).

On Megumi's end, okay idk what the current SukuFushi shippers expect but I personally wanted Megumi to kill Sukuna even when I was shipping them. Enemies to lovers except one of them is permanently in the enemies phase. As far as I've seen, there's always this non-con element to it? Like Megumi is extremely reluctant, Sukuna is unrelenting in pursuing him, and Megumi goes through a bit of a corruption arc and Sukuna.....well he isn't redeemed but he tones down because Megumi asks. A Beauty & The Beast situation.

I was talking about it to my bff and she was (rightfully) roasting me like we were joking around. Me: "Sukuna wants him for his body.....but like literally he wants to be inside him." My friend: "You mean possess him???" Me: "That's the word yes!"

The age-gap thing for SukuFushi feels more okay because I grew up on a bunch of fantasy shojo manga where a high school girl fell for an ancient spirit with a minimum age of 100. This isn't even an animanga thing, it's there in western media too(....Twilight). A lot of people just don't see the point of mulling over age gaps when the differences are centuries, even if the other half is a minor.

As for GoYuu, well I guess it's fiction, they're just lines on a page at the end of the day and it's less about the legalities of the gap and more about the dynamics it brings to the table that people can find interest in. The power difference, the difference in ways they view the world, the younger one is always more innocent, etc.

I personally don't find these to be my interests 99% of the time but I get why others would enjoy it (my few exceptions are Scum Villain and ErHa but if I start trying to explain THOSE messes we'd all lose it).

I guess people would be confused why I'm still hung up on ItaJun too huh? XDXD But as you said, fanon and creativity has no limits and people do as they like and enjoy.

[ravnloft]

writer interview

tagged @bardic-inspo (*´▽`*) thank u my friend these are so fun

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

3 lol. eventually i'll post more. probably. maybe

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

100,989 (not counting the original "draft" of wicked turns because a lot of that got reused in the current version)

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

girl (gender neutral) i don't even have 5 fics total... top kudos though is wicked turns :')

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes!!!! comments are so nice and they let me know i am not posting into a void and that other people are actually interested in what i'm writing!!!! if you have ever left a comment on anything i wrote you have such a special place in my heart and you make me so happy!!!!!!!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

haven't finished it yet but it's going to be drowning lessons :)

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

also have not finished it but everyone in how to win friends will come out SO happy and well-adjusted. it's at a good little stopping point for now and i might skip into act 2 for the next chapter/s... idk it doesn't really have a plot it's just me giving myself like. writer aftercare from the stuff in drowning lessons or wicked turns fjgdfjjfdgj

7. Do you write crossovers?

not anymore but if you know the ancient piri lore of when i did tumblr rp......... the harley quinn/norman bates "it started out as a joke and now we're really invested" ship still makes me go insane from time to time...... i have a type and it is unhinged men who fall for somehow even more unhinged women

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

nah

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes. the kind where i get wine drunk or have an edible and then scream into my hands after typing each word because i hate writing smut but damn if it ain't relevant to the storyline

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no but i HAVE had my peebles art stolen/reposted on at least one site

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

if you count tumblr rp as co-writing fic, then yes

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

ough. waugh. how can i choose between my beautiful children

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

yeah so i have. the loose outline of a peebs fic. and it has been rolling around in my brain for years and years and years. but in order to truly do it justice i feel like it would be a full-on multi-issue comic series and the last time i tried making a graphic novel-style work (shoutout to princess huntress, your worldbuilding lives on but i'll never finish you) i got maybe 8/100+ pages done and then spiraled into art burnout for like 4 years

15. What are your writing strengths?

i like to think i am good at writing horror and gore teehee <3

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

sex scenes...... i don't like writing it, i don't like publishing it, i am ehhhh about reading it, but again, damn if it ain't relevant to the storyline

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

don't trust google translate. just use <> or whatever if you don't know the language.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

batman (stares wistfully out the window for 10 hours)

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

i REALLY want to write a skyrim long-ish fic. i have so many thoughts on it. there would be two LDBs (amma and sigg). both of them are cursed by daedra but in wildly different directions

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

wicked turns :)

[elix8r]

never thought id do this but heres an essay on my thoughts on monkey bars 😭😭🤍🤍🤍

let me preface this by saying you did such an amazing job with this truly, you wrote so so well and i feel like you encapsulated every perfect emotion in the best way possible, and somehow it just gets better and better? i forgot how pt 1 went so i reread it before i read pt 2 and i was blown away again but youve even improved somehow ?!!? youre like the gift that keeps on giving 💋 also, thank you so so much for pushing through and writing this, i know it couldnt have been easy struggling with writers block but i hope u know we all think the world of this fic so please see the worth of your work 💗

ok now MY THOUGHTS!!! oh my lord, where to begin… first of all, same as before: from part one, i was already irked with jake when he pulled the beomgyu shit (albeit i moved on pretty damn fast surprisingly) but the cliffhanger you left us on was a game changer like he crossed the line so bad. i was conviced i would never forgive him. if someone did that to me i would have the exact same reaction as y/n tbh. anger later sad confusion panic first. and seeing the aftermath in part 2??? first of all, so glad she had such a good support system around her and people who actually put their morals first aka 02z bc u already know men irl would defend their “boys” first or whatever 🙄 hearing other girls gossip about her actually broke my heart cos if it was me i wouldve cried n had a panic attack there and then … and knowing my PARENTS know about it 😭😭😭

you wrote so well i was actually about to insert myself in NO JOKE!!!! like ok lets stray for a while but me personally i dont like “dumping” my emotions on anybody bc it makes me feel like im burdening them but when i read the scene when she went back home,, oh lord i wanted to cry in the dads arms there n then, u have a talent with words fr 🫣🫣

SORRY BACK TO OUR SCHEDULED ANNOUNCEMENT, nowhere in this fic was my heart set in stone. ok i lied. for the first 80% i was like FUCK THAT MAN HE DESERVES TO DIE IM NEVER FORGIVING YOU but then i started feeling pity too DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY YOURE AMAZING AT WRITING??? like am i throwing away my morals or am i just understanding that people are multidimensional,, woah lord,, like tbh i wouldnt have forgiven jake bc something of that scale is just not in my books, was way too extreme, but the way you wrote his character, his guilt, the actual situation??? couldnt even blame y/n for feeling sympathetic cos damn me too… i know a lot of people might not agree (especially irl. DEF NOT) but the way you wrote everything… how do you not feel bad for the poor boy 😭 in no way is y/n to blame for ANYTHING but at some point i started to be worried for jake too so i was like u know what. fine. get together with the boy. NO WAIT. idk. dont. IDK?!!!?

i think me personally, i wouldnt have been able to forgive him but i wouldve tried to move past it, despite how hard it would be. whether or not we get together would be a different question because rebuilding trust would take a lot, but,, yeah. overall i am soooo fucking satisfied with this, and the ending was so refreshing tbh!!! at first i was hoping they wouldn’t get together (literally when they kissed again i was like NOOO GIRLLLL WHYYYYY have more self respect!!!!) but after your slayful writing i was like nah u know what give them a happy ending,, n u did not disappoint,,,, i loved how it ended and that fresh start at the end was really like a breath of fresh air i have no idea how to explain it but it just genuinely did feel like a fresh start. i loved it. i will be rereading. thank you

OH MY GOSH THIS IS THE LONGEST MESSAGE I'VE EVER GOTTEN AND IM LITERALLY SCREAMING IN JOY BECAUSE OF IT!!

this was insane praise like omfg thank you so much! i always have such a hard time wondering if what i wrote is good enough to put out for you guys and to hear you say that is so meaningful to me 😭 the writer's block def was a bitch but hearing you say that you could see that I've improved makes everything worth it like i'd go through it again if it'll help me get better at writing im crying literally 🥹

so the whole time i was writing this last part i had a hard time deciding if oc should forgive him or not because personally i would never be able to but i just felt that the only way for this story to wrap up well and in a satisfying way would be if it was a happy? ending so i ended up just going with that and yes one of the main things i wanted to show was that everyone was rooting for y/n so i made sure no one excused jake's behavior

the scene where she went back home was kind of tough to write like i totally get you i get really emotionally invested even when im writing and jfc just imagining how my parents would react literally had me going through it like her dad was devastated and i think it really shows to what extent one person's actions/mistakes can effect cause this shit not only broke her down but also most of those around her so those scenes were def tough to write

but i am so so so glad to hear how much you enjoyed the ending and overall this story! you seriously just relieved me of so many of my worries regarding this story and i always feel like the best compliment is when people tell me they'll reread my stuff so thank you so so much for sending me this ginormous message and hope I'll continue to produce stuff you like! love you loads 🫶 🫶 🫶

[pcvensies]

*.• Si vis amari.

0. prologue.

* dad!satoru x mom!nanamioc x son!megumi ( kinda adopted??? kinda just taken??? ) slowburn, angst!, long fic, found family trope, fluff, funny, idk pls keep reading :(

* word count: 1300.

* in which 18 year old gojo satoru is left in charge of 6 year old fushiguro megumi, with the help of 17 year old nanami suki (oc).

{ HEY SO UH this fic is very self indulgent but i hope it finds some found family bitches like me who needed it. because damn i did, so i wrote it. ik it’s not a reader fic IM SORRY OKAY, i know those are more liked but give suki a chance we truly are all suki. PLEASE DONT LET IT FLOP IT IS A PROJECT V DEAR TO ME. this is a small intro to see if u guys like it or nah. love u <3 }

next part

It was a terrible idea, really. Out of all the terrible ideas Gojo Satoru had had - and there had been plenty of them - this one was definitely the worst of them all. But we are meant to respect the dead’s wishes, right? And a favour asked by a now dead man, even if not much, meant something to him.

Also, he was dying to see the look on the Nanami twins’ faces, especially Kento’s.

The way to their apartment was silent, and awfully awkward, as any try he had made to keep a conversation with that hedgehog of a child had been ignored by the boy. Such a little asshole.

“Can you at least smile a little?”.

Silence.

“Maybe don’t, Nanamin doesn’t either. He may be more receptive to those of his kind…”.

Silence.

Satoru had no patience to deal with any of this anyway, and the small six year old by his side possessed an incredible ability to get on his nerves, even without saying a single word. Can he even speak? Geez, Fushiguro, he thought to himself, crossing his arms over his chest as the elevator started going up.

The small card which read “Nanami” wasn’t far from the elevator, and Gojo’s only thought was how annoying it must be to hear the engine going all day. But they had refused, and had been allowed somehow, to live in the school, so they had brought that upon themselves.

Kento was doing the dishes when the bell rang, and he sighed, shaking the soap from his hands.

His sister, Suki, was in the shower, and she had left him to clean everything from dinner, as always. Don’t get it wrong, she was as responsible as a seventeen year old living by herself in the city could be, but there was something about the dishes that just “grossed her out”.

“BELL RINGING!”, he heard her yell from the shower, and rolled his eyes.

Like he was deaf, or something. However, it made him suspicious that anyone would ring at their door after dinner time, and he gave it a moment of hesitation before walking to the entrance.

“Oh, Nanamiiiinnn, c’mon… I know you’re home. It’s not like you do anything with your life outside of the classes anyway, you can’t trick me!”.

Kento almost turned around in that exact moment, knowing damn well that nothing that had to do with Gojo at that time of the day could be good, but he was a well educated boy. So against his own wishes, he opened the door.

“It’s nine thirty, Gojo”, was his greeting, as he looked at the white haired boy in front of him.

Satoru waved his hand in front of him, like taking importance from it, and looked around the place, eyes searching for the other twin. In the worst scenario, Kento would try to call the police on him. But if Susu was around, she’d be able to talk him out of it.

“Gojo, I’m serious”.

“Are you ever not, dear Nanami?”, the man replied fast, followed with a sigh, “Isn’t Suki home? She could be of use right now, honestly”.

Satoru had to be very fast to get his foot between the door and the wall, or Kento would’ve locked him out for that comment.

The white haired boy apologised with a chuckle, and his eyes finally found the pink streak of hair, almost drowned by a sea of blonde, that covered Suki’s head.

She was tiny, he had realised, much shorter than himself and her twin, the big red sweatshirt she was wearing making her even smaller. Her honey-ish eyes found Gojo’s sight, and the boy sent her a grin.

“Sue, you have finally decided to bless us with your prese-“.

“What have you done this time, Gojo?”, was all he got from her, as she tied her hair and walked to the door, now standing next to her brother, “Need somewhere to hide from Yaga?”.

Kento sighed once again, ready for the bickering battle that was set to start between the two, but to his surprise, Satoru kept quiet about the remark.

He rubbed the back of his neck, almost hesitating to say whatever he wanted to say, and the Nanami’s frowned at his behaviour.

“Alright I think it’ll be easier if I show you”, he finally spoke, and took a long step to the left.

Behind him, a little boy stood. His black hair was a mess, almost covering his eyes, and he was wearing no more than a t-shirt to cover his upper body from the night’s cold.

He looked up at Kento, a serious expression on his face, and then at Suki. He didn’t say a word, and simply looked back down.

Gojo laughed nervously at the silence, watching Kento’s horrified expression contrasting with his twin sister’s curious one.

“It’ll all make sense if you let me-“.

Slam.

Before he could even finish, the door was closed in his face, and both him and the kid gasped at the yelling that came from behind.

“I’m going to call Yaga”.

“Ken stop! Don’t you think that if he could have brought him to Yaga, he wouldn’t have already?! You didn’t even let him explain himself!”.

“Because there’s no good explanation to Gojo Satoru appearing at our house, in the night, with a child! What explanation do you need?!”.

It was a little funny, honestly, to hear Kento lose his temper. Yelling and yelling about how even opening the door had been a bad idea. He should’ve seen it coming, one of Gojo’s terrible ideas.

A sneeze silenced the argument, and Gojo looked down at the kid, who cleaned his nose with the end of Satoru’s sweatshirt.

“Hey, don’t-“.

Again, he was interrupted by the door, this time as it opened, to reveal just the Nanami girl. She sighed deeply, and crouched down in front of the child, giving him a small smile.

“Are you cold, sweetheart?”, she asked softly, hands covered in the sleeves of her clothes, as she rubbed the boy’s naked arms.

The kid nodded hesitantly, looking up at the boy, and Satoru shrugged, walking in as Suki got up and signaled them to.

The girl closed the door behind them, and walked through the dark corridor, coming back a few minutes later with a small Hello Kitty jumper. It was made of white wool, with a small patch of the cat’s face in the middle of the chest.

The boy put it on without looking much at it, covering his cold arms and body with it, and Suki gave Gojo an annoyed look, like lecturing him with her eyes.

They had met a few years ago, when Satoru was a second year and they got accepted in the school. Kento and him were nothing alike, and quite a strange pair, but Suki was much more extroverted and easy going, always replying to Gojo’s remarks with even smarter ones.

They had all grown into each other, as much as the Nanami boy wouldn’t admit it out loud.

“It’s itchy”.

Suki stopped sending angry glares to Satoru to look down at the kid, who kept his sight on his shoes as he scratched his neck. The girl ruffled his hair, chuckling.

“I think what you meant to say there is ‘thank you, Nanami-san’. It’s the only one I have that is your size, kid”, she spoke, and her eyes opened wide as she heard the kid’s stomach growl, “Are you hungry?”.

The kid didn’t reply, he simply nodded his head slowly, and the girl looked up at Satoru again.

“Care to explain, Gojo?”.

n/a. leave some feedback guys i havent written in so long and i am: scared. I AM BEGGING U I NEED EXTERNAL APPROVAL.

— lulu.

[latent-thoughts]

Today is Fanfic Writers' Appreciation Day, and so, I wanna spread some love.

@mastreworld One of the very first Loki fics I had read were yours. It was full of my kinda kinks and smut, but more importantly, it was full of rich story telling. It didn't just open a new creative world for me, it also opened the gates for one of the closest friendships I've ever had. You and your fics have a special place in my heart. I love our discussions (Loki knows some of them have led to the writing of more Loki fics). It's a magical thing, and I hope you keep writing more delicious Loki fics.

@caffiend-queen Boy, you write such details in your fics, my mind is blown away. Especially the stuff about clothes, shoes, classy booze, anything really...you have got such in-depth knowledge of this stuff! I don't even think about such details when I write, which is a personal failing of mine, lol. It's so damn impressive that you mix these details in, and it really brings the story to life. Great smut aside, you write some of the most nail biting climaxes (ha!) too, which is not an easy thing to do.

@nildespirandum You are a words' witch. You weave words like pearls in an intricate jewelry piece. I'm awed by your worldbuilding, and even slightly envious, if I may say so. You write grey characters so well, I feel truly conflicted when they do something super bad, lol. I hope your Loki and Nora series never reaches an end. It even gave me inspiration for writing a series in future.

@realityhelixwrites You write one of the cutest, fluffiest Loki's, and still keep him authentic and in character. Not a small feat. Your story, Lasabrjotr, has a really fleshed out reader character. I luff her. Though she be but little she is fierce! Keep on writing, you write one of the best slow burn Loki fics.

@illegalcerebral I truly appreciate your Loki fics, especially the series with the GOTG gang. It's something I badly wanted to see, and your fic filled that void in my soul. Your writing has an almost fairytale-sqe feel to it. I enjoy it thoroughly! MY BODY IS READY FOR THE NEXT PART OF THE LONELIEST PEOPLE IN THE GALAXY.

@maiden-of-asgard Don't think that I can say more than what's already been said. Your writing is to die for. The details in your fics, especially the worldbuilding and language and culture creation... CHEF'S KISS! And to top that, you blend Loki's mischief and stoicism so well. I hope to see more of your creative ventures, be it fic or original publishing.

@ohhhmyloki Your writing has a unique tone and style. Very few stories make me FEEL so much, and yours surely do. I feel as though I'm in the character's skin. I swear reading Fever was a religious experience, in more ways than one. It brought you in my life, and with you came the understanding about certain spiritual experiences I had been receiving. It has been a great experience, and I'm glad to have you as one of my closest frens.

@emeraldrosequartz GUUURL... whatever I write here, its the tip of the iceberg that's our relationship 😂🥰. A year ago, at this time, @dangertoozmanykids101 (I think) recced your fic (In One Moment) here on Tumblr. I hopped on the wagon and started reading. And then commenting on it. It was dark, it was delicious, it even scary. I found you on Tumblr... And idk what happened then... a spell was cast, perhaps? But that marked the beginning of a writing frenzy unlike any I've ever experienced before. We wrote together like crazies, and we got to know each other through it. It was so intense, it was like a fever. I hope we can keep on creating more stories (we sure are). I'm blessed to have you in my life, babe. ❤️

@talklokitome I got to know you through Loki's Library, and I thank the universe that I stuck with the server, because I cherish our deep friendship. Through it I got to read your fics, which was like uncovering a gem. Watching you write with @emeraldrosequartz was especially fun. Hope you do it again soon.

@lokilover9 Yours was also one of the first fics I read in the fandom, especially on Tumblr. If there's a potential for humor in any situation, and if Loki is involved, you know how to make it even funnier. I've had a blast writing with you, and also, experiencing the growth of our friendship. I hope that you can get back to writing again. It's the perfect outlet for your naughty and dirty creative thoughts. 😂

@amaru163 I know that I've been lacking in reading your stories (or reading much at all, lately 😭), but those snippets you've shared have been a delight to read. Please keep sharing more.

@shiningloki Boy, you've been a revelation. I hope I can dedicate more time to reading your deliciously smutty fics. They have all the kinks I wish for. One night imma set my obligations aside to simply gorge on Get On Your Knees... 😏

@grufflepuff-writes-stuff Your dedication to writing is something else. I'm amazed at the fact that you've written almost 150 Loki's Lullabies. You go girl! Your writing feels like a warm blanket on a cold and stormy night, with a fire crackling nearby. It's a hot chocolate that feels like warm silk on the throat. The fact that you can, through your writing, give us readers comfort during this tough time is something truly amazing. Keep it up. 💜

@pedeka & @icybluepenguin I love the way you weave your storyline within different MCU storylines to create a completely new thing. I love that you included mythological elements to it as well, especially Huginn and Muninn. I cannot wait to catch up on it. It's one of the best RP evolved stories I've read.

@wolfpawn You write such inspiring and strong female characters, it's a gift to the Loki fandom. You write rich, long stories filled with real world issues and problems, something that is hard to do when writing fantasy. Idk how you do it, but you're a like a supremely skilled craftsmen with it. Not to mention, your amazing work with @imagine-loki . You work hard on that blog, and I'd say you are one of the great pillars of this fandom.

@dangertoozmanykids101 @toozmanykids Guurl, your are a turbo charged fic reccer and reader. Your comments on my fics have probably added years of good life to my lifetime. I swear I want to get them all framed. Besides being an awesome contributer to the fandom, you're a great creative mind yourself. The things you've written, especially in our 'Loki on Sakaar' challenge, are absolutely out of this world. I could never, lol. I hope to see more of your writing come to life, babe. And I hope our friendship keeps growing too. You're an awesome person.

@foruneyti Your story is one of the loveliest I've ever read in the fandom. I rec it to anyone and everyone who asks me for fic recs. I hope you write more such engaging tales.

@sserpente The sheer volume of your fics is amazing. You write with great heart and dedication to the craft. You take on prompts and requests (something I've had issues with) and weave lovely fics around them. Your productivity is enviable. I hope you keep on writing and succeed as an author.

@imnotrevealingmyname My little writing fren. I've come to know you and your fics very recently, but it's been a very pleasant discovery. What more, getting to know yet another Indian in the fandom was delightful! You write one of the naughtiest, smuttiest fics I've read, and I love your thought process. 😂😏

@nekoamamori I love the sheer joy your fics bring into the fandom. I especially love your Peter and Loki friendship fic (Of Numbers And Strange Friendships). It's something that I dearly wanted to see on screen, but it didn't happen. Your fic fixes that beautifully.

@nuggsmum You are a lovely storyteller, one of the funniest people I've met on Tumblr, and not yo mention, super strong and resilient. I hope that you can find the time to write again, after you've dealt with the things that need your attention now. You're a bright star in a dark sky. ❤️

[yelenasdog]

bonnie and clyde (billy/4 x fem reader)

genre: angst

summary: there were five people at the funeral of billy jones. why did two, more specifically one, of them leave?

words: 1.3k

warnings: just vv sad my guy. literally no fluff i hate it here </3 mentions of death, billy’s funeral, and crying.

a/n: yo so idk if billy’s last name is jones but i saw someone on here refer to him as billy jones and i think it’s just bc of ben’s last name but anyway LMFAO. i for some reason couldn’t stop thinking abt this and so i wrote it (as one does fkefnkerjn). also y/n was not used so if u wanted to read this as an x another character or x an oc it would work as well. enjoy :)

🌃🌃🌃

There were five people at the funeral of Billy Jones.

This was common knowledge who would listen long enough to hear the vigilante talk about the experience he had only seen from afar, his own heart growing tender during, or at any mention of, the moment.

But Billy always failed to explain the situation with a full grip, to its entire truth. As to why, most anyone could figure out.

He was afraid.

Afraid of getting her hurt, afraid of thinking of her for just a moment too long, afraid of his impulse driving him to get his ass right back up and go say he still loved her.

Four was afraid of a plethora of horrible scenarios that could occur if he let the truth about his funeral slide to anyone except One (which was bad enough that he had to know by default as it was).

And the irony of it all, was how miniscule and ineffective something like who had left his funeral early and as to why, would be to anyone else on the team.

Sure they all had their secrets that would seep into the pool that was their little family, Three’s mother, One’s lover, Two and Three’s infatuation with each other (though, that one wasn’t really a secret).

Not to mention, Four despised painting her in a bad light, allowing others to think for a fraction of a second that she didn’t leave because her already frail heart couldn’t handle to see her beloved’s name etched onto a gray stone in a patchy field of a horrible green, couldn’t handle the idea that their Bonnie and Clyde reminiscent days (minus the killing of 13 people, that is) had come to an end.

There were two people at the funeral of Billy Jones who left early.

The first? An old friend from his hometown.

He was a wealthy businessman now, having abandoned the life of pretty crime and rush of his youth. He showed up to Four’s not-so-celebration of life in an ashen tux with an obsidian tie and shiny oxfords, and barely a minute into the service he had begun checking his shiny Rolex, probably counting down the seconds until he would be considered late to some important meeting for whatever corporate hoax he was a part of to be able to stay afloat. How ironic.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

The sound was like nails on a chalkboard to her, while the action itself felt like somewhat of a betrayal, even though Billy and the businessman hadn’t talked in years. It was a kind enough gesture that he had even come to begin with.

But she didn’t care.

Because before the service had even started, salty droplets were rolling down her reddened cheeks, dampening her hoodie, his hoodie, that she had coiled so tightly around herself and her limbs, almost like a corset.

So when the businessman turned to go after what could maybe have been a measly few minutes, she could barely control her anger.

But she did, for Billy. She sucked it up and stayed put, keeping her eyes trained to his mother who was now speaking, her striking emerald eyes also obviously wet. But in reality, Billy had wanted his former lover to turn around and smack that prick square in the face.

But then 4 took some time and realized that if it were the other way around and she had been dead, he could conjure in his mind how distressed he would be to where he would prefer to focus on wallowing in his sadness for her and her only, not be consumed by anger for some random fellow.

Billy truly wanted to leave One where he stood, wanted to run to where her shaking was escalating from ever so slightly to violently as could be, wrapping her in his strong arms she already missed. The strong arms that she believed should have kept him safe when he was dangling from that damned building with that damned necklace in his mouth.

The image could have been some renaissance painting with how beautiful he looked, even then, on the brink of what the world would know as the death of Billy Jones.

In fact, most of Billy’s and the girl’s adventures could be different renaissance paintings. Alive and free, bursting with vibrant colors and emotions that weren’t able to be captured with words, so rather, they were thrown on a canvas in what was somehow a meticulously put together flurry.

On that rainy day, the weather so fitting to what she had been feeling, she wished for nothing more than to somehow place herself back into those non-existent paintings, to even for a fraction of a second bask in his never ending love like some sort of oasis.

She wanted to run her fingers through his golden curls one last time, kiss his forehead goodnight one last time, to tell him she loved him more than anything in this universe, one last time.

But she didn’t, and she wouldn’t ever get to.

And her one final chance to say what she wanted him to hear, she had missed out on, as that’s when she had left.

It was long after the uptight man in the fitted suit, long after his crying mother had gone from where she was speaking up front, back to the shadows of her baby’s grim event that she should never have had been alive to see.

She had managed to drag herself halfway up to where his casket was sitting just above the ground, trying to not look at the box a second too long.

Rather, she pretended there was a pair of rose colored glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose, helping her pretend that this was all some big misunderstanding, that Billy was just pulling one of his infamous pranks.

He would pop out from behind the tent covering the few who stood with their feet shifting on the damp soil, or perhaps from the headstone of his very own grave. She would gasp or shriek and then smack his arm, lecturing him as he grabbed his chest, doubling over in laughter, the sound like music to her ears.

God, what she would do to hear that sound one more time.

Nevertheless, in the end he would stand up, and wipe her tears from her sweet face, pressing gentle kisses on either of her cheeks to rid her of that pout he hated to admit he loved. She would crack a small smile and he would punch a celebratory fist in the air at the gesture, leaving her to only shake her head at his antics. He would sling an arm around her shoulders, nustling close to her as they would exit the graveyard, never coming back until the inevitable day they both had lived their happiest and fullest lives together.

He would say “You know you love me.” And without a doubt, every time, she would say “Yeah, I do.”

But not this time.

This time, she would let her eyes wander to a tall tree just over the hill, slimming her puffy eyes. She rubbed them and did a double take, and swore that for a moment she had seen what looked like his figure next to one of someone she had never seen before.

And that’s when she left.

She let out an ugly sob, running as fast as her feet could take her to wherever that wasn’t there, the sound of her shoes against the cold ground muted, but the sound of her uneven breathing was anything but.

As for all she knew, it was her mind playing a cruel, cruel, trick on her. Or even her mind trying to give her some sort of closure to move on.

Whatever it was, though, was simply too much for her to process, too much to handle. So she had left, given up on what she didn’t know was her only chance to give a proper goodbye.

“You think she saw you?”

“I hope so.”

🌃🌃🌃

we vibing w this?? i hope so hehe. WAIT PUN NOT INTENDED LMFAO I DID THAT PERIODT! anyway, have a wonderful day/night, and go drink water and eat protein, it’s all abt intention!! i love u! also if u have any questions abt this fic pls do lmk bc ik some of it was kinda weird! 

p.s., pls pls pls reblog this! this is my first ben related fic and ik when it’s ur first fic for a fandom they can flop so it would be very cool if y’all could help me out a lil bit :) either way ily, thank u! kk bye

xx hj

[septiembrre]

2 for stretch, and also 10!

Which scene was your favorite to write in A Bit of A Stretch?

Definitely, the scene where Beth knocks Rio out. It was the whole purpose of the prompt fill and I was absolutely cracking up with delight while I wrote it.

Blake or Bryce paws at Elizabeth’s shoulders trying to adjust her position and she maintains very apologetic eye contact with Rio. Huh. So, she’s aware.

Then, it all happens real fast. Her balance shifts and her hand, sweaty with the heat, slips across his palm and out of his grasp.

The realization hits him--  She’s gonna fall.

And for a brief, terrible moment, her face freezes above him skewed with panic and fear, and then, she floats closer, down to earth.

And he knows better. He fucking knows better from all his fucking years of boxing, the previously-mentioned lifetime of playing sports and career in fucking beating other people up. But he clenches his damn, fucking jaw just as the crown of her head collides with him.

And there’s a sharp bolt of pain spearing through his chin.

And in this room, this heated blanket, incense-burning, crunchy, granola room…

He’s knocked the fuck out.  

I just think it’s funny! And I think it also fits Rio’s sense of humor. 

The show doesn’t fully go here with Rio and his characterization (he could benefit from so many more character details) but, to me... I think a cultural Mexican/Mexican-American trait is that of dark humor or black comedy and this is easily lendable to Rio’s POV.  

Ugh, one shouldn’t generalize about ALL Mexicans or Mexican-Americans, truly an enormous and diverse swath of millions of people. But, maybe it’s the virulent corruption of the Mexican government, combined with the disenfranchisement and structural violence in the US, and the resiliency of finding ways to prosper in the face of it -- idk~ But, I think there’s a lot of horror elements present in Mexican and Mexican-American’s lived experiences, and the sense of humor that results in the face of it, to poke fun at institutions of power and deflate them even if only for a conversation, brings me a lot of happiness. I tried to think about how Rio would fit into that cultural tradition and yeah, I think he absolutely has a dark sense of humor.

The fic isn’t really that serious but the above is the backbones to it. So, we’ve got a little bit of this as a result:

And he’s pissed the fuck off but it’s still kind of funny? Because the only thing that had ever put him in a hospital had actually been this girl standing next to him (tal pesadilla when she put three slugs in his chest). But, he has to stop laughin’ because it hurts his jaw and they’re all looking at him like he’s nuts. 

And... 

They stand at the curb watching, concern etched on their faces as Elizabeth reverses out of the snowbank and drives off. And yeah, Elizabeth drives because he most definitely has a concussion. And she drives them straight to the fucking ER. 

I don’t think I have a big funny bone. Humor isn’t my strength. Haha, but this shit? I definitely cackled while writing the injury and their responses to it. They cute. They ridiculous. 

What are some facts readers may not know about A Bit of a Stretch?

I am leaning into a head-cannon that Beth is really mindful in this post-Season 2, post-shooting world about never physically hurting Rio ever again (outside of consensual sex stuff). I know rationally that Rio can handle it -- violence and shoring up power through pain is integral to his line of work. But, that Season 2 finale is still rough af. Since the show has not given us catharsis about it on-screen yet, I am very into writing a Beth who has a tendency to spiral in guilt and worry and a Rio who has 90% forgiven her and is a little fond of their enemies-to-lovers past, while trying to respect their racialized selves and not shittily play into or normalize Beth’s privilege. 

Lol, Good Girls. Why did the writing team have to make it so tricky to navigate this shit? I just want to write stories where Beth and Rio cuddle and make out and have good sex, and navigate an interracial relationship in a more chill way. Oh well. 

Anyway, I think this vibe around hurt/violence transcends all the fics to more prominent or subtextual degrees. 

[jordanrosenburg]

Big Mouth Season 3 - Very Much Still Important

Review of Season 2 and 1 , major spoilers ahead

Alright, I finished watching season 3 the other day, and I have to say bravo to the writers, because they always manage to leave us wanting more. What truly awaits these pre-teens this summer? I’m happy that they’re done with seventh grade, but will the next season be about summer vacation, or will we get to see them go right into eighth grade? There’s been news of a spin off about the world the hormone monsters live in, will that be what holds us over until season 4?

Right from the first episode, I knew it was going to be a good season. The show continues to have a good balance between what is happening to both girls and boys at this age. I remember being in the seventh grade, and second guessing every single fashion choice I made. I didn’t really have a figure until ninth grade, but there were other girls that were already blossoming, and I felt self-conscious. Was I pretty enough? Am I frumpy? Is my hair too frizzy?

This season did another great job of showing not only what boys are going through at this age, but also the girls. Because the boys can’t control themselves, and because no one tells them to, the girls are forced into an absurd dress code by this scum bag:

I think we have all had a Mr. Lizer in our lives at some point. The guy who comes off as nice and caring is really just misogynistic and creepy. He mutters under his breath about he hates the girls, especially Jessi. Not to mention that he made Lola think the foot rub was all on her. At 13 of course she would think, how would she know any better? What he did was disgusting and wrong, and I’m glad he got fired. 

I’m proud of the girls for taking their bodies back. It was brave of them to take a stand and show that the dress code was stupid. They may not have done it in the best way, but they still proved a point. 

Nick and Andrew are a topic I’d like to discuss. We’ve know since season 1 that these boys have been best friends for a long time. We also know that they’ve been growing apart since season 1. Andrew was the first to go through the hormonal change, and Nick was left to catch up. In season 2 Nick went through three different hormone monsters while trying to figure things out with a girl he liked. Andrew stayed hung up on Missy, and somehow got involved with Lola, which just messed up everything else for him. He slowly started to realize that he was becoming a lot like his father. This season Nick got obsessed with his phone, and even though Andrew made many attempts to talk and hang out, he realized that Nick really is just a douchebag. They had their seasonal fight, and instead of becoming friends again, Andrew expressed how he really felt. Nick stopped being there for him. I don’t think Andrew is in the right, but he did recognize that their friendship had become toxic, and enough was enough. 

The only time Nick was there for Andrew this season was when Andrew started to lust after his cousin. I’ll say it - that shit was messed up. I was grossed out that they went there, but this could be some real shit that boys go through, idk. And Nick kind of encouraged it and didn’t at the same time. The whole thing was weird. 

Nick was wrestling with the fact that Jay was basically living in his house. That’s a major change to go through. He also betrayed Andrew by kissing Missy, and then lying about it. Andrew doesn’t own Missy, and she can do whatever she wants, but neither one of them thought about how the kiss would hurt the people around them. And then when Nick realized he didn’t like her like, he just cast her aside. 

Missy went through a lot this season too. She finally got a hormone monstress.

Side note, did anyone else feel sad that Connie didn’t say bubble bath once this season? No one else? Okay, moving on. This new monstress pushes Missy out of her comfort zone. Missy is able to keep some of her boundaries, but something about acting in that play opened something up for her. I loved when her and Jay wrote the fan fiction together. I can’t remember when I first started reading fic, may have been in seventh or eighth grade, and I always thought it was weird thing for me to like. Then I had mentioned it to a friend in ninth grade, and she’s still my best friend ten years later! I was happy to see that Jay didn’t make Missy feel weird or ashamed. I wished we could’ve seen more of this new friendship. AND Missy was the one to get the uniforms disbanded by wearing her same old clothes. I hope she’s able to find a balance with her newfound self. 

And poor Jay, he is one of the funniest characters on this show. You never know what he’s going to say, but it’s usually obscene. I lost it when he said something like, “my balls are going to shit”. 

We get another close look at Jay’s home life. His family leaves him at home for spring break, and he tries to not let it bother him. He embraces Nick’s family, and becomes a better person by living with them. They discover that he has ADHD and just needed aderol. Unfortunately, Jay sells his medication to his friends, which makes him go back to the way he was. TAKE YOUR MEDS MY FRIENDS! Jay eventually goes back home, and shows what he can add to his family, and they finally accept him. Jay too also comes to terms with his sexuality, and discloses to everyone that he’s bisexual, and he’s okay with it. But no one takes him seriously. He has a heart to heart with the new girl Ali, who told everyone she was pansexual. I know Andrew Goldberg has apologized with how he went about this, but I’m just gonna say that Ali came on a little too strong. All sexualities and gender are valid, periodt. 

Jay also called out his friends for fetishizing the fact that it’s “hot” that Ali likes everyone, but it’s not as cool when he comes out as bisexual. He felt hurt and unvalidated. We see you Jay! 

Now it’s time for our girl Jessi. 

This girl CANNOT catch a fucking break. I was happy to see her figure her body out. That can be straight up awkward, and it can make you want to give up. I love how they showed it with a water rapid, good use of metaphor. And she has been such a good friend to Matthew, covering for him with Adrian. But who is there for Jessi? At one point it was her, Andrew, and Nick, and one of them said, “At least we have each other. Virgins til college���. At that age I can see how that might be a bad thing, but I know a lot of people who were virgins in college. They didn’t graduate that way, but they came in that way. That was the most I saw of the three of them really interact this season. It’s crazy that these last three seasons are all things that happened over the course of a school year. 

I need space to say, I am fucking done with Jessi’s mom. Jessi has been more than gracious with letting her mom become who she is. Shannon should be able to explore, and it’s okay that she got divorced, but she has not gone about anything in a good way, and now she’s just starting to be selfish. When Jessi hears her mother orgasm, is it hilarious for us as the audience, of course, but as a 13 year old girl, I would be so mad and mortified. Not only does Jessi have to deal with Shannon and Cantor Dina breaking up, but her dad has begun to see someone new, and now her mom wants to fucking move?! I would have been so pissed off. Again, Shannon should be able to live her life, but she has a young daughter. Couldn’t she wait to go to the city until Jessi is at least in high school? College? Why not let Greg move back in to live in the house with Jessi? 

Jessi comes to terms with it at the end of the season, and I think that’s really big of her. I’ll be sad if she ends up getting uprooted. That damn depression kitty needs to leave her alone too. Not one of her friends bothered to check on her about it either, and Nick and Andrew knew she was depressed! That shit doesn’t just go away. 

THE FAB FIVE

I was living, henny! I didn’t know which episode they would be in, but this was just amazing. I am so glad they all made voice cameos for this. JVN stole the show of course, and it was so funny to hear they all swear. When Bobby went off about how little the other guys do while he did a whole “fucking” room renovation??? HE WAS RIGHT AND HE SAID IT! And the bird noises Antoni made??? Incredible. Would have loved to see him shrieking into the microphone. I do think the funniest line was when JVN said, “the dumb ones pound the hardest, henny”. I fucking died. They really lightened the mood, and what a great redemption for coach Steve! I am so glad he got his job back. 

There are many other things to get into with this season, but what I’d like to end on is that the kids really grew up. People don’t stay friends forever. I had friends in middle school that I did not stay friends with in high school. Even high school I didn’t keep the same friends. Obviously we want to see these kids make things work, but I still think it was very grown up of Andrew to tell Nick he forgave him but didn’t want to be friends anymore. I think when we’re kids we stay friends with people, or keep ourselves in certain situations because we want to be around cool people. I’m very curious to see where this show takes us in season 4. They all went through a lot, and 7th grade really is the most awkward year of them all. So who knows, maybe 8th grade will be better. They’ll have had a whole year of new hormones under their belts. What do y’all think is in store for our friends next? 

[alias-b]

honey, i’m home (hold for laughs)

A/N: So, I’m taking a break from my long fics. Just to gather myself again. I’m having sort of a bad day and idk I wrote this to deal with some stuff. Just something rough I punched out quickly. A somber blurb character study for Martin Brenner and Lucy Garland from my Hopper/OC fic, LFTM. Brenner dreams that things could be different if he weren’t such a monster.

   It was the same dream. Night after night. Waking in a cold sweat. Rinse. Repeat.

  Sheets that still smelled of her perfume. Lucy had never stayed over. In this house that was too big. In this bed that was always chilled. But, she was in everything he saw. 

  Martin Brenner dreamed so deep, he woke in a pit every morning. Fingers shifting to feel for one caress of that supple skin. Tread into black locks. He wished sometimes that they never chopped it off. 

  She truly looked like a siren with black silk spilling over her warm bronzed shoulders. Eyes glowing even in the dark. A rich brown. Almost honeyed like amber. Lucy was warmth and she was fire and he longed to hold it within his palms. Watch it spill and burn this entire town down.

   That would have been breathtaking. 

  But, Brenner couldn’t have that. So, he smothered her. Pressed her like coal until she was a sparkling diamond instead. It was for the best. 

  So, he dreamed and tumbled. Woke before a smaller house, but it looked loved. Something out of a fairy tale in black and white. Surrounded by a lush garden of marigolds. Beautiful even if they’re all grey. 

  A place where the sun was always high framed with a white picket fence. Neighbors who smiled so wide they might crack. Waving in sync. Robotic in how they navigate.

  Martin always carried a coat and briefcase. Dons his expensive Italian suits. Taking in this perfect world of black and white. Same at the funny sitcoms he secretly enjoyed. Wondering if Lucy likes them too. If she’d curl up with him and watch.

  Steps took him up toward the door. Always unlocked. 

  “Honey,” Martin offered to the air, “I’m home.”

  Hold for laughs.

  And there she was. Materializing out of the kitchen with a wide painted smile. A little cinched polka dotted dress. Even a frilly apron. So pristine and untouched by this world. Martin figured the dress was a forest green only because he knew it was Lucy’s favorite color.

  “How was work, dear?” Lucy never stopped smiling at him. That much was always static. Hands reached for his coat to hang it up. She didn’t wait for an answer and slipped into his arms. Kissed him on the lips like she’d been waiting for his return all day. And she had.

  “Just fine.” Martin grasped her hips. Kept her pressed there flush.

  “My husband. Fighting all the bad guys.” She cooed. Another peck. “Dinner’s almost ready. I made your favorite. And I didn’t burn it this time.”

  Hold for more laughs.

  Lucy always made his favorite. 

  She went to the doorway, posed a little like a mannequin.

  “Kids! Your father’s home!”

  Steps rumbled down the stairs. Two children lined up in front of Lucy. Matching mechanical grins on their doll faces. 

  Martin recalled their names.

  The girl. Amanda. Dark brown hair and blue eyes. She must be about eight. Little spitfire. And her younger brother. Five years old. Martin. They called him Marty for short. Brown hair and eyes. Shy.

  “Daddy!” The children jumped at him. Holding so tight like they might fade at any second. And they would. Lucy was all smiles at the sight. Protected by these four walls. They were safe here.

  “Go wash up for dinner now.” She ushered them off, taking Brenner by the hand. A wedding ring sparkled same as the pretty pearls round her neck. “I made a surprise for dessert. Can you smell it?”

  “Is that cherry?”

  Lucy giggled. 

  “Isn’t it divine?” She shrugged and pulled out a pan. Some chicken and dumpling recipe his mother used to make. The pie came next. Piping hot in the window to cool. Glistening and lush. “That’s what fear smells like.”

  “What?” Brenner had started to roll his sleeves up. Eyes snapping. Lucy clasped her hands. Her face must have hurt with that grin plastered. 

  “I just said it smells so good, I could ruin my appetite right now. Couldn’t you, honey?” She gushed. 

  Hold for laughs.

  They gathered as a family. Looking around at these gifts. Happy. Sharing a perfect meal in a perfect little dollhouse. The child playing with them loved them too much. 

  “If you don’t eat your carrots,” Martin had to point at his son, “you won’t get dessert.” He smiled too like it was half a joke. Marty stuffed himself full and pie was served. “Don’t forget to thank your beautiful mother.”

  “Oh, stop.” Lucy playfully smacked the hand from her hip. “I’m just happy to have a beautiful family.”

  Martin could swear he tasted this rich meal. Succulent cherries hot on his tongue.

  The rest of the night was clockwork. Get the children ready for bed. Storytime with daddy. Plenty of soft kisses goodnight. Lights out.

  Lucy lotioning herself at the mirror in a little pink nightie. Martin’s mouth on her shoulder. Kissing her dizzy until she was up and in bed. Mounting him in nothing but those pearls. Them trying to stay as quiet as they could because the children were sleeping. Her tuckered body falling in next to him, spent. Blissful.

  “We could have another baby.” Martin suggested. “Another little girl.”

  “I always liked the name Jane.” Lucy mused. Haunted, he peered at her there against the pillows. Naked skin dewy and soft. “You look like you've seen a ghost, darling.”

  “You know what’s going on, don’t you?” His head lifted to see her clearly in the dim lamplight. “You know this isn’t real.”

  “Of course, it’s real, baby.” Her hand touched his cheek. “I’m real. Feel that?”

  “You can’t love me.” The stinging thought welled his eyes.

  “But, I do. I always will.” Lucy kissed him all better. “Do you feel it? Do you love me too?”

  “Yes.” Brenner pulled her impossibly close. Lips trailed over her neck. “I love you more than anything.”

  “To the moon and back?” Lucy melted into his frame. Sighed.

  “Yes.” Martin had gasped it because he wanted it all so bad. This dream. This love. Felt Lucy in his bone marrow. That fire. A crack.

  Lucy’s skin broke like glass. A mirror fracturing out. Martin felt her sag back into the bed.

  “Honey, I don’t feel well.” A little porcelain doll breaking to perfect pieces. Ashes seeping out instead of blood. “Can you hear that? It’s a symphony playing just for us.” 

  “No, Lucy, you stay right here. With me.” Brenner brought her into his arms. Felt her quiver and shake. The horrid sound like nails on a chalkboard when her skin broke apart.

  Lucy’s never able to stay.

  Hold for laughs.

  It broke his heart every single time. Seeing her shatter.

  And he knew it was all on him. Everything. He did this. He broke her. Lucy trembling to ashes. Sinking between his fingers.

  Hold for laughs.

  The children are always shattered in their beds too. Safe and sound from him and this world of rot.

  Brenner felt his chest filling with cries. With screams and bellows to stop the torment. It all became ashes and he mourned it. Even the marigolds. 

  It shouldn’t ache this profoundly. Martin Brenner with his pressed suits and pristine hair. The world to save upon his shoulders. Floating through science and logic. He could have let Lucy Garland go that day in his office. Could have let her blossom.

  He doesn’t regret it. The greater good demanded all the sacrifice. He told himself that like a mantra. Lucy had to burn and become something greater.

  But, when she looked into his eyes and lied so politely…

  Nothing in his life hurt like her sweet deception.

  He cannot love in full and she will never be his. Even if she sinks into his arms willingly. It’s all painted like those damn sitcoms.

  Hold for laughs. Scream instead.

  The dream’s ending was the same too. Lucy weeping softly. In the garden burying a pie dish with a bloody beating heart inside.

  Martin never has the chance to figure who the heart belongs to. But it’s the only splash of color in this muted, artificial world. Lucy cried over it and brought the ruby red into his dreams. 

  Waking, Brenner gave a start. Breathed deep to capture life again. 

  Felt around.

  Lucy would not be here.

  Sometimes he dreamed of her naked and holding that knife above him.

  It felt better than nothing. Maybe he had that coming for carving her out of marble against her will.

  Brenner turned in darkness and smelt the perfume even still. The torment he brought this world turned back at him the day Lucy Garland walked into his office with those starry eyes. 

  He didn’t blame her, he deserved to die. Martin always knew that deep down. He owed Lucy a life debt and she would collect one day down the line.

  Martin Brenner only hoped she’d hold him as the end came. Saving the world was a thankless job.

  Liked to think maybe he earned that much. One pair of warm arms and a heart beating in his ear. Dreamed that something in Lucy could love him back just for a second. One perfect second where there were no ashes between either of them. Maybe she could forgive something and sleep better after too.

  There was true hope in his soul that she could. This love. It would grow. Rot. Spread. Kill.

  He dreamed something prettier for both of them.

  It was only fair. When he laid his head down, the dream would come again like a silent monster. Make a fool of him because he still believed in it every single night.

  And the only courtesy he could do was hold for the damn laughs and let Lucy Garland slip through his fingers. Smell her perfume and cherry pie again because she was a craving he’d never lose.

  Not until she killed him.

  Sometimes when Brenner walked the path in that perfect black and white world and looked at those swaying marigolds, he knew she already had. Martin would remember to thank her for it one day soon.

  Hold for laughs.

[riskeith]

hi babe, hope you slept well.. ♥️

answering on the phone is just *takes screenshots* *opens tumblr app* *switch between screenshots and answering* do you also put on my messages on the laptop and answering with your phone usually, because that’s what i do lmao sjshdks. thank god for technology.

(I LOVE BEING CALLED BRO.. i believe that i would’ve been a dudebro in another life tbh..) there is? i’m not super immersed in the fandom actually so i had no idea, do you have any examples? ofc only if you wanna talk about it i know these topics can sometimes be annoying to think about. also you’re right! ‘don’t like don’t read’ is the law. follow it. i can’t believe how some people have the nerve to talk about what other people do creatively... yikes

you should if you ever find yourself not knowing what to read! i think their fics were some of my first in the fandom and they set the bar so high hehe. dude i love how oikawa just wants to see kageyama burn it’s so funny..... he’s so cocky about it while kageyama’s just his moody self. speaking of; one of my fave fics of yours is the swapping jerseys one!

WTF 😭 BABY POOLS AND POOL FLOATIES..... razor please come back to us please. sidenote but do you also think that his powers are 5 star level? hes soo powerful it’s so odd how he’s only 4 star haha... or maybe it’s just me being biased.

YEAH! THE SAVING SCENE IS SO AHHHHH. god especially if they have dialogue while person a is hurting and person b just spills all their feelings and becomes so erratic and scared and person a is like holy shit you love me.... and after everything is okay there’s still some awkwardness and tension and aaa.... 💢💔

OOO. sadly the ps5 is always out of stock it’s crazy how fast it sold out. but i mean it makes sense it’s arguably the most popular console so.. hopefully they restock soon. last of us is such a fun game! and the second part is ~gay~ which is always a plus. i’m not sure which memes you mean? tell me 👁 HAHA that makes sense actually omg... lumine and aether reunion won’t happen until like two years if the updates keep coming the way they are (STOP THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE SO FUNNY.... like hello if you want to unlock the rest of the story you either gacha $pin for it or you imagine it yourself love ♥️😗) talking about this makes me wonder what the other worlds might look like....

your followers are just here to witness us planning our co-op date sjsjdkdjskz. speaking of,,, hehe. i have some fantastic news. i’m at ar level 11 right now and co-op unlocks at level 16... i might just reach that tomorrow (today for you) so i’m just saying hehehehehehehehehehehe.... 😏♥️

BOWL CUT. my cutie little baby. also mullet? sounds nice omg you will probably rock that look... 😳 i’m a non mullet supporter but if cluna has a mullet then call me a yeehaw mullet lover i suppose. can’t believe my wife is a cowboy. OMG YEAH IT MUST FEEL SO NICE your head went bzz bzz. how long did it take for them to accept it? and yeah god ikr some people take hair so seriously which is fair but also i’ve never understood it... like it grows out..? wow you really went from a ballet girl to punk rock style huh. i feel like you’re the both sides of the ‘she was a punk she did ballet’ meme.

memo fic is a jealous fic? mmm smells good. I FIGURED jshdjdkhsjs slow songs are just not your forte, huh? rip. langst is the best yet worst thing ever tbh. and YEAH I DO we’re truly 🤝 ok literally mood sometimes it’s just nice to talk about how much you love a character through another character in a fic yk? so what if this 2k fic contains 1k words about how beautiful oikawa looks? it’s what iwa feels <3 (YOU’RE LEARNING!!!!!!! THATS SO EXCITING!! i guess you just have to drive me around, huh?)

oh i’m in love i’m with that fic my girl. and i knew about that spoiler it’s kind of hard to miss it since it’s everywhere skdhdkdhdk... god, that sounds so good thank you for sharing it. pining iwaizumi hajime >>>>>>>> the air i need to exist 🥺 

THE DAY IS SO SOON CLUNA, it’s literally here soooo soon holy shit i just can’t wait. i played for almost 6 hours today in a row like an idiot and now i never wanna see hilichurls again in my life but hey, one step closer to my baby. prepare yourself.. 😏

AWWW i had a feeling you’d be a tea person. but omg tea effects your sleep? how late is too late for you to drink it? what’s your favorite flavors? 👁 and i’m addicted to both shdkdhsks. i say addicted bc i literally have 6 cups of tea per day easily and like.. 1 or 2 coffee cups per day. it’s really bad but i can’t stop so.. 🙇🏽‍♀️

COLLEGE BOYFIES CLUNA. COLLEGE BOYFIES WITH DIP DYE HAIR. imagine them doing each other’s make up and nails before going to concerts together. imagine xiao in euphoria kind of make up. holy shit. here’s something for your overwhelmed heart jsdhjshska. xiaoven soulmates girl, no doubt about it. THE EDIT THE EDIT THE EDIT!!!! they just look so beautiful. we need scenes with them like Asap. the edit is based on a fic... notes down.

can’t wait to see your screenshots. super excited!!

xo, m.a. (i almost wrote my name down in a haste shshskdjdk... although you’ll find it out soon...)

hiya!! i slept alright~ ahaha

:o that’s smart! but no i don’t LOL whether i’m on my phone or my laptop i just continuously scroll up and down fhdskjfkhsdf i think that’s why i come close to missing some paragraphs some times oops. yay for the ~wonders of technology~

(AIGHT NICE AHAHHA fhsdkjfsh does that mean you’re a bit of a tomboy?) actually coincidentally i came across this thread: https://twitter.com/maxatsuomi/status/1350145589296685057 which gives you an idea lmao (also some things on there i wasn’t even aware of wtf) EXACTLY??? it’s even worse when non content creators try to come for content creators like?????????/ um you’re getting all this food for FREE and yet?????? lmfao the nerve of some people

i def will!! FKJSHFDSKJ yeah that do be their dynamic lolol. and thank you!! i too think i snapped on that one 😩😩 glad others agree ahahah

i actually haven’t really seen him in combat... and when we could trial him i was too busy trying to pass the quests to focus on how he fought fhdkfhsdkfjshf but i do think his abilities are cool!! he have wolf above head 🥺

YEAHHH BOYEEEEEEEEEEE god that reminds me of a scene from a drarry fic (What We Pretend We Can't See wink wonk)

oh damn!! hope they restock soon for your sake~ yissss ive watched a playthrough and omg lev.... my Son. i don’t think i can find the memes again but it was just about the bugs like how if you throw a grenade on the highway everyone will run out of their cars like a flashmob or something hfskfhsdjfkds. (LMAOOOOO) there’s actually a trailer with the other worlds! https://youtu.be/TAlKhARUcoY (it has spoilers tho supposedly lol. none we understand rn at least)

hdsfkhjs. omg you absolute legend!!!! but i also hope that you’re taking care of yourself and prioritising the important things too fhsfhdksdhf. but i am excited hehehehehe

AHHAAHKFHDSKJFSD pls... once i saw someone with an actual proper mullet on the bus and i was like “ew... keith would look like this irl?” FJSDHKFSAHKDASHDFSDJFKJFDSHFKJS. but what can i say i got influenced by all the kpop bois 😔 and hmmm idk? i think my dad didn’t care too much but ik my mum did/does fhsfskfsdfhkf so who knows lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. IT REALLY DOES GROW OUT LMAO LIKE. fhkshkfsdkj my cousin called me a rockstar when she saw it LOL so you’re prob right 🤪

yeah slow songs really just. aren’t LMAO ‘behind this mask of mine’ was based on a slow bts song and i put it in the playlist i had for it (bc obviously) but i wanted to skip it every time hfksjdhfskjdfhskfdkfhkslfhadksfjsdjhfkashkfjsdh. EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!! you are so correct. (hehehe i was gonna say that too that you don’t need to drive bc it’ll take you around 😏 LMAO)

fhkdsj thank!! legit pining iwa.......... more like pining ME mayhaps i just be self projecting 🤪🤪

lolol dw i can fight the hilichurls for you 😩 also who’s your fave enemy to fight! i used to like fighting the treasure hoarders most but the hilichurls are cute.. FHSKJDHFSDFKJSD plus i need their fucking masks my god why are their drop rates so shit hfsdhjfks

i’m not too sure actually? i’ve never been up early enough to test it but i like drinking tea like after dinner... which is the problem AHAHA. hmm well i like matcha a lot LOL but also chai? and then like black tea.... all the other ones too... i used to drink some fruity ones which were nice but we have a lot of the like basic chinese ones at home too and i enjoy those as well lol. wbu?? omg.... m.a........... dfhksdfkjhfkjshfksjd that’s a lot!!!!!!! do you even need to drink water then HKDSJFHKSDFHDKDSHFJKSDH

omg............. ive never seen euphoria LOL but ............. omg ...................... i cannot process thoughts rn.....

xoxo!! c.r. (you mean bc we’ll be playing co-op? you don’t have to if you’re uncomfy fhdskjf my genshin name was literally ‘aether’ up until yesterday FHDFHSDKFSDFJSHFKSDF)

[demaury]

Ok I just finished reading the new chapter and whew, i got some thoughts so strap in, were going through a mental breakdown! The Lucas pov was amazing especially because it showed a different side of him, we got to know how through Eliott as this confident guy but here we learned that there’s so much more behind that confidence. I loved how you wrote his pov, to the point where I felt upset when he did. It was nice to see his side of how he feels about Eliott and just how gone he is for him 1/6

I loved how we see how he’s talking about him to Yann and how you also showed the “regret” (not the word i wanna use but my brain is not cooperating) that he met Eliott at the vineyard instead everywhere else in the world. And i love that i also got that ‘idk what will happen in two weeks’ uncertainty, it was written so well that it kept me on edge bc noooo they gotta be happy forever. But also theres no way for me to know what will happen just like they dont 2/6

And omg don’t get me started on the mother. Holy crap, i thought the dad was not around and the mom was just crap bc of that but nope, shes... truly something else. I hate it. Her and charles? No💕 but the dad part of the story made me so happy. It’s nice to see a difference to the ‘Lucas dad’ side. We’re all used of him being a dick but this was so different and just beautiful. Even tho it was sad at the same time it felt so nice. I hope we get more of him and Lucas 3/6

But the mom? My god, she can kiss my ass. I kept hoping there would be a moment that showed her at least a little nice but nope. And that conversation about Manon? Girl, i was just as annoyed as Lucas. And i felt so sad for him that he can’t just come out and be his proud self. You really wrote that moment nicely and that inner thought process about the words getting trapped and him not being able to say it? Yeah fucking spot on. I laughed at the ‘hots for Manon’ bc how dumb are they😩 4/6

Oh and Manon? Yeah she can also kiss my ass. I hate her with Charles in literally any fic so idk. But here she’s a different type of upsetting? Probably bc through Eliotts glimpses (even though i think there was only 1 tiny one) i figured alright shes with charles but shes sweet and caring.. boy idk but i feel like i was way off. But the marriage thing? GIRL SAY SIKE.. i did laugh at lucas ruining the dinner bc my gosh they all seem stuck up annoying. Although i felt bad for him as well 5/6

Yann is amazing even through texts, i mean ofc. Eliott is adorable and Lucas is too. And the fact that Lucas was Eliotts first guy? Well damn, I didn’t expect that ngl. This whole chapter was just amazing and it was so lovely to experience it! Bottom line is I am gone for this fic. I was so excited read it i forgot to finish my dinner. Amazing! I just cant wait for the next chapter even tho im lowkey 👀 worried bc of charles and the aunt and lucas not being out ugh amazing as usual 6/6

Oh shit PS: i am very curious to see how idriss and sof might slowly figure shit out or to see if they will even notice that their boy has been getting busy and distracted a lot more than he probably should be while working at a vineyard. Im so excited to see what happens next 😩

omg 😳 this is honestly the best ask i’ve received 🙊 thank you so much for all the nice comments 🥰🤧💖 I really like the idea of playing around with the trope of the confident guy being thrown off his game by exterior events, and Eliott being the only thing that somewhat keeps him sane. Apparently i have a thing for toxic familial dynamics so i’m glad it comes in handy 😂 as for the rest i’m going to say that 1) indeed you are right to be worried 👀, and 2) idriss and sofiane definitely noticed things 🙊

again thank you so much for taking the time to write such an amazing comment!! 🥰🤧🥺

[hellreads]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Park Jimin (BTS)/Reader Characters: Park Jimin (BTS) Additional Tags: Angst, Smut, Fluff Series: Part 1 of The One with the Tropes

Summary:

You’ve only bared your body to Jimin, mostly silent after the act. The one time you do, you find yourself baring your soul to him, far more than you bargained for.

OR

(the fubu trope)

“Will you play with me?” 

“What kind of game?”

Fringe, my love, if ever you get to read this one day I want you to know that everything you write is precious and I’m thankful you’ve gifted us with Ineffable, this is my favorite Park Jimin fic, there’s something about the way you write that always pulls me in and after reading your note about being single (when you wrote this) as the inspiration for this fic, it hit me hard and made me understood why I was so affected because just like you I miss the feeling of intimacy too.

[SPOILERS AHEAD ~ because my feelings are unstoppable]

it’s been a while since I read something that made me feel like there’s a literal hole in my heart, I love Kim Seokjin to the moon and back so reading and immersing into this as his Bestfriend for the longest time, pining hardcore for him and everyone knew but the boy was too was blind to see it, fuck it fucking hurt, god, the amount of angsty emotions this pulled from me was no joke, I became so sensitive and grumpy to people around me as I was reading this, Seokjin was too beautiful, too perfect, but also dumb and dense to not see love in her actions and words for him, I was frustrated the whole time and he really had to give her cup to that brunette (I will address her as brunette through and through because I’m petty like that)

do you believe in fate? Jimin, he was a gift from fate, he always manages to be there for her just when she needs someone to save her from the pain Jin causes her fragile heart, at first he was a stranger in a crowd but they found each other, he was a welcomed distraction because for the nth time she failed in confessing and pouring all her love for her best friend. everything happened so fast, one moment she was sulking over her love and a certain brunette, then she’s asking the pledge to fuck her, she needed to feel something else, something that will make her forget (and regret) she was cold towards the boy because she knew that was it, a one night stand that doesn’t require any cuddling and ego-stroking, a quick fuck, self-pity and a few text messages later I felt bad for her, she had no choice but to dive in and pick anyone up to her challenge and it sucks because she felt guilty for something that doesn’t have any repercussions she was a single grown-ass woman who could date, fuck, and dump whoever she wants, but it’s Jin, her constant, it’s always him (but it will never be her)

fast forward to more encounters with Jimin, fate really wants to test her huh, was fate cruel? first, sharing a class with Jimin the boy she avoided like the plague, then meeting Jin only to listen to him talk about the brunette with so much love it pricks my heart like a bitch, my eyes were rolling at the whole cafe conversation, please just shut up Jin... then the party, ugh, I hated Hoseok for not even showing a little interest or respect to MC, she’s human too and Jin’s BFF but I guess they were much more interested in meeting the pretty, sexy, cutie whatever brunette, like what makes her special huh? pft but thank goodness MC has her own personal hero in the form of Park Jimin he saved her once again, even if she explicitly told him it’ll never happen again, my whole body tingled when she gave in once again because the boy is packing some wild stamina, feelings were developing and as much as I love and adore Jin, Ineffable Jimin whisked me away, he clearly has a soft spot for MC, he cares about her, studies her little quirks and pays attention to everything she says and do and this time she was the blind one, he may not be as hardcore as here when it comes to solo pining but he’s getting there, the way he pleases her and begs for her to stay was evidence but the stubborn cold-hearted girl won’t budge saying it’s the last and it’ll never happen again but upon discovering the information that he will be practically attached to Jin’s hip because their buddies leaves her without a choice but to accept that Jimin will always be there.

now their own game starts with a few rules no small talk and no way he could talk about her with others and he happily complied (what a tsundere babe) even if she finally has someone to soften the blow, Jin had to wreck her heart through and through and I hate it, I hate Jin, and I hate that brunette, but despite all the hate brewing in me Jimin was there once again to rile her up it was funny not until somebody had to dampen her mood once again, sigh, everything happens for a reason and Jin always hurts and pushes her away but she keeps clinging on to him, part of me thinks that more than liking, loving, and considering him as her constant, she sees Jin as her home, she had a rough life and he’s always been there, but she needs to let go and detach herself to let other people in but damn her grip on him was too tight, her hopes still burning bright that one day Jin will look at her the way she wants him to see her...

oh god I literally summarized everything but this is the best part, the part where you need to hold your heart from all the fluff, the angst and soft genuine smut (because the first two smutty scenarios are rough and wild and just pure delicious smutty goodness *chef’s kiss*) Jimin has slowly become her constant, they finally learned a lot about each other slowly, the bits and pieces of information felt like they’re working on a pretty scrapbook supplying parts of them until everything makes sense, then Jimin came up with a new rule, sure they were content with the way things were but they ultimately decided and agreed to ranting while the other listens, I love how MC is slowly opened herself to Jimin, and how she started to smile and laugh again, something we never really saw with Jin, all he did was make her pine, hope, wait, sulk, hurt, and repeat, but with Jimin her life started to show patches of colors, he makes her happy, makes her smile, makes her warm, he worked his way up to be able to stay by her side even if he could’ve just ditched her now that he’s done being a pledge but he was in too deep to even let go.

everything was falling into place until she had to have her heart broken once again, srsly cried hard while reading this part moving forward, Jimin never questioned the game she wanted to play, to become lovers even for a short period of time, a borrowed time to make her feel for once that she belongs to someone, that someone can love the mess that she is, that she is worth all the love the world could give despite her flaws and all,  the whole play scenario shred my heart to pieces because as much as MC thinks she’s hurting, she had no clue that Jimin is feeling the same too, she’s asking to be held, to be loved, to be someone’s universe when he’s right in front of her holding her until her broken pieces are put back together, loving every part of her even those she didn’t think were desirable parts of her for in his eyes she was perfect, and most importantly Jimin looks at her as if she was the universe he holds with his hands, beautiful, fragile, full of life and sorrow, but still lovely nonetheless. 

she opened up, opened and pour her heart out to him trusting he’ll listen and won’t judge her, she finally lost the battle, the one she loved the most will never be hers, fate already made it clear with all the way he treated her only as a friend, the times she had to endure, listen, and support him whenever he falls for someone new, and the reality that he will be asking the love of his life to marry him on a whim, life is truly fucking unfair huh, but it really isn’t because it was never Jin to begin with... it was Park Jimin all along, he was never a distraction because that’s where he truly belonged, he was the center of her universe.

sigh after literally typing and spoiling a lot my feels got the best of me I cried then smiled again this really is the best Jimin piece I've read, it was beautifully written with every intention to soften someone’s heart and maybe open themselves to love again, because that’s what it did to me well it softened my heart but idk if I'm opening up myself anytime soon. I really adored Jimin’s characterization here he can be the cocky fuckboy who plays around but his loyalty to MC was something, he was whipped right away ig, he’s also very cute, persistent, clueless, and annoying at times, but god this boy was so loveable I swerved directly to his lane, the vivid descriptions of every scenario especially the smut appeased my sulky self because Ineffable Jin tore my heart to pieces but the best part here is when she asked to play a game with Jimin, god it was the most beautiful thing I read, she was so broken almost irreparable but Jimin stayed with her and made sure she feels his heart, his actions were so pure I will never get over it, maybe I do love Jimin, I denied it for the longest time and Ineffable is that fic that got me accepting and shouting all my love for him sighhhh, again, thank you for this Fringe, you and your works deserve all the love, now watch me bombard my friends with this fic so we could gush about Park Jimin 24/7. | 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

[fleetwooded]

talk about music!!!!!! gimme the whole top ten, then i also want 22, 44, and 88!!

THANK YOU FOR ENABLING ME STEPH!!! this ended up predictably long-winded, so here is the list, and you can click through to read how i feel about all these songs if you want to. if you’re on mobile, and have to scroll through, i’m so sorry. 

1. why, fleetwood mac2. from the dining table, harry styles3. home, one direction4. animal, troye sivan5. i’m yours, pixie geldof6. ambitions, donkeyboy7. bring it on home to me, sam cooke8. bad (live), U29. american tune, paul simon10. 1950, king princess

22. everywhere, fleetwood mac44. trouble, lindsey buckingham88. border, years & years

ask me about my favourite music of the year! 

1. why, fleetwood mac - this is ZERO PERCENT a surprise, i think i’ve fallen asleep to this song every night for the past three years. it is one of my favourite fleetwood songs even though it’s a real niche one - the final track off mystery to me, which is uhhh not one of their more popular albums. but a) i am very fond of the awkward post-peter green pre-lindsey/stevie albums, b) christine mcvie gets paid DUST by everyone, but she is an incredible songwriter with an incredible voice, and really held the band afloat during that era, and c) this song is so gentle and beautiful and i could never ever get tired of listening to it. i’m obsessed with the extended guitar opening, which keeps you waiting for the piano to kick in for ages and makes you instinctively listen more closely to the guitar throughout the whole song. also the lyric well, my heart will rise up with the morning sun / and the hurt I feel will simply melt away is such a beautiful and clearly expressed sentiment. and when those strings come out from the back of the arrangement just before the last stanza!! ugh i love this song.

2. from the dining table, harry styles - honestly this is only so high up because it is one of the other two songs on my sleep playlist and therefore gets played every day lmao. i will say that this is pretty much the only song of his where the studio version is better than the live version, and therefore the only one i regularly listen to after going to his concert bc i don’t resentfully compare it to the live experience. that harmony on the third maybe someday you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too and the strings in that whole section make the entire song worth it. 

3. home, one direction - lol i always say that my favourite 1d song is walking in the wind, but it’s really this one. i was in a very small, l*arry-free corner of the fandom when this came out, so it never had those associations for me, and i just think it’s a very warm and beautiful song and i DO NOT understand why it was not on the album. i also used to listen to it every morning back when i had to walk to work at 4:30am (in the winter! when it was pitch black and i lived in a not-so-great area!), and it was very very comforting to me, so listening to it always sparks that feeling of comfort, like being wrapped up tight in a warm blanket.

4. animal, troye sivan - the last song on my sleep playlist, and one of the best songs off his new album imo. my favourite kind of song is the kind where you can put on big headphones, get on a bus or train, close your eyes, press play, and just have an experience. it’s unquantifiable! everyone’s mileage will vary! you either feel it, or you don’t! but i really really feel it with this one, especially on the second verse. it’s such a stripped back song, but has this rich sonic landscape that just pulls you in if you let it. 

5. i’m yours, pixie geldof - ugh, this album was such a huge and exciting discovery for me this year. i had no idea she made music until i heard woman go wild on one of nick grimshaw’s insta stories and looked it up, and then i listened to her album over and over and over again for months and developed a massive, useless celebrity crush on her. it’s a little bit derivative, definitely nothing groundbreaking, but so perfectly matched to my sensibilities and so endlessly listenable. i also find it very satisfying to hear something and instantly know it’s going to be your new favourite thing, and then get to prove yourself right. i usually listen to the album all the way through, so i don’t think about the specific songs too much, but if i had to pick a favourite, it would be this one!

6. ambitions, donkeyboy - i’m pretty sure i found this song because it was referenced in a fic lmao? if that is the case, a million thank yous to whoever wrote that, because i never would have come across it otherwise. it’s a collaboration between a 2000s norwegian synthpop band and a girl whose only other resume builder was finishing in seventh place on norwegian idol. but it is a BOP, and a bop with a strong emotional drive, which is the best kind. the lyric I can't tolerate / the feelings that I feel when I feel is another one i spend the whole song waiting for. 

7. bring it on home to me, sam cooke - another song i have been listening to for years and years and never tire of. when my best friend moved out of her parents’ house, she said that the only reason she wanted her own place was so she could sit in her living room and play this song on a turntable. she did play it, often, because she only owned a few records for the longest time, so listening to it always brings me back to curling up on her couch and talking and talking while she made me dinner in her tiny and dark but beautiful home. 

8. bad (live), U2 - god i love this song. i think i have talked about it on here before, so i won’t go on and on, but i LOVE this song. tbh i have never actually listened to the album version of this song, and maybe it is just as good, but i really love live albums - when they can capture the spirit and energy and RISK of a live concert, they feel so electric. anything could go wrong at any moment when music is being played live, or it could go SO right, and the artist and crowd could feed off each other’s energy until the whole venue feels alive, and the music could take on a whole new artistic life. idk what exactly it is, but i feel all that potential in this song. it’s eight glorious minutes of that electricity, and every time you think it’s peaked, it just keeps going and reaches new heights. my favourite is the bit where bono just belts out the words desperation, dislocation, separation, condemnation, isolation, desolation, isolation, let it go like a cry out into the universe. i think about it so often. sometimes i also want to just stand in front of a crowd and yell ISOLATION, DESOLATION. i feel that live music can often feel like a purging, or a cleansing, or a transformation - like singing about these feelings of profound misery or pain or anger with a crowd of people who also feel those feelings can reshape them into something joyful and exultant instead.

9. american tune, paul simon - damn, this really was a melancholic year!! this is another of my go-to comfort songs when i am feeling those lost feelings. i listened to it a lot in the winter, and again this fall, and related a little too much to the bits about being so far away from home. it’s got this sense of deep weariness in its lyrics and structure that i like listening to when i am very tired and want to commiserate. the drums leading up to the and I dreamed I was dying are my favourite musical moment, but my favourite lyric is the ending, with: tomorrow's going to be another working day / and I'm trying to get some rest / that's all I'm trying to get some rest.

10. 1950, king princess - honestly, introducing me and the world to king princess is the best thing harry did all year. first of all, it’s truly remarkable how much cultural power he has - not that this song wouldn’t have been successful without him, but literally every write-up and interview mentions him tweeting the lyrics as a mark of approval that propelled her into the public eye. it’s also just an incredibly well crafted song, and i’m endlessly impressed by her talent. to write and perform a song like this at her age is no small feat, and i’m very glad she’s ended up getting the attention she has. i got to see her live this summer with my sister and a few of our friends, and she was every bit as commanding and magnetic as i would have imagined. 

22. everywhere, fleetwood mac - another all time favourite!! at my work this summer, my boss was a very cool woman who played in a very cool all-female punk band. we got along tremendously, except for that she had NO patience for me constantly playing what she referred to as “mom rock.” this one is the only fleetwood mac song she liked, so i would just play it over and over and we would delight in that shimmery little intro. when i was closing, i would put it on just as the sun went down enough to shine right through the big windows at the front of the store, and it feels good to know that i am going to listen to it years from now and remember that summer and that sun.

44. trouble, lindsey buckingham - my fave song of his, except maybe never going back again. i really like this whole album, but this song is another one i just want to burrow inside because it feels so rich and dense. i feel like i have nothing to say about him that hasn’t already been said - he’s a massively underrated guitarist, and a great songwriter, and i just love listening to him play.

88. border, years & years - a fantastic song off a fantastic album. i’m ngl i was a little disappointed by their sophomore album, so i just kept listening to this one. also brings me back to great memories of seeing them live and the catharsis of yelling my heart, it will start to shine / and I will be alright with a whole crowd of people. live music is magic!!

if anyone made it here, thank you for reading. i love year-in-reviews. it feels good to take stock of a year and try to put all the little moments and periods of time in order and make some sense out of them. i also love music, and it feels good to sit down and listen to my most listened to songs with new ears and try to remember or figure out why i listened to them so often. it’s been a long, hard, tumultuous year, but my relationship with music has really flourished, and stuff like this feels like nurturing that love.

[mooosicaldreamz]

(1) help! i don't know if i'm gay or not!! i don't have anyone to talk about this so im so sorry to dump it on you. you might not even answer this and that's ok bc i can't expect you to feel comfortable in answering. i won't be offended. i just need someone to read this. i read so much wlw fanfiction. i feel so comfortable being in fandoms that support wlw. when i masturbate i see myself as the guy pleasuring the girl.

(2) that line in your latest fic “animal” really stuck out to me, the one where lena was in the club and she goes “there was no disgust, only wonder.” that line is how i feel towards the lgbtq community. i have a few gay friends but i feel like im supposed to have more to be considered a “true member.” i feel like im a fraud bc i don’t dress like a gay person bc i don’t even know what that means. but i love being around women. i want to be around women for the rest of my life.

(3) i feel more comfortable around women than i do men. i’ve had a boyfriend in the past and that was not a good experience and ive been told i can’t jump to conclusions just because of one boy. i always want to kiss a girl and be with a girl but i feel like my attraction isn’t valid bc i haven’t been with a girl ever before. im so fucking shy. it sounds strange to say but i feel so goddamn ugly. too ugly for any girl to want to be with me. i just want to know that im not crazy.

(4) sorry for the spam! tl;dr, i feel in my heart of hearts that women have a special priority in my life that i just can’t put into words. i just don’t know how i fit in with the lgbtq community or if they’ll accept me, because i don’t “look” gay and i don’t have a lot of gay friends. if i want women to be my priority in life, does that make me a lesbian? gay? i like men bc sometimes they’re pretty, but that’s it. what the fuck does this mean? i’m terrified of being wrong about myself.

(5) for now i have no label for myself. i’m not straight. but i don’t even know if i’m allowed to be gay. thanks for reading. i know this was a lot. i don’t want to feel so confused anymore. i reached out to you bc i love the way you wrote lena’s journey in the “animal” fic. i feel like i have a lot of wonder for the lgbtq community as of now, but i’m dying to know if i have a place there or not.

i’m going to break down my response into little digestible numbered chunks which are hopefully somewhat helpful/reassuring

1) okay first i think i’d probably like to say that i am by no means an authority on what it means to be gay or bi or in general of the community~ so you know. don’t take me as word of god or anything.

2) you don’t have to know if you’re gay or not. when i was about 16 i started reading wlw fanfiction and realized i was like……super into it and it spiralled out from there for me. i’ve known ppl who have known they were for certain gay or bi since they were 10 and i’ve known ppl who’ve figured it out in their 20s and 30s. you don’t HAVE to know a damn thing. and it’s okay if you’re not gay too. people grow and change throughout the entirety of their lifetime and you have time to figure yourself out always and forever.

3) there are no rules to being gay (there are also no rules to being straight), so you don’t have to be a certain way ever and if anyone tells u you have to be then they’re stupid. you don’t have to dress a certain way or act a certain way to be anything. you can be you. you don’t have to fit into an exact category to be gay. you don’t have to have gay friends to be gay either. when i was working thru my major identity issues while i was a teenager, i didn’t know anyone who was gay either. there’s no rules in this way.

4) you don’t have to have been with a girl, either - theoretically, at some point, every gay woman has never been with a girl, but that doesn’t mean that who they are and how their attractions work aren’t valid. the very existence of your feelings mean that they exist and are valid. if anyone tells you you can’t be gay because you’ve never been with a girl tell me their address and i will punch them.

5) people who say that you shouldn’t base your opinion on dating dudes on one experience are stupid and are misunderstanding the root issue. if you want to date dudes, date dudes, and if you don’t, then don’t. that’s how simple it is. if you want to date women, then date them. you don’t have to have an exact label. just do you.

6) on a similar note, i can’t label you for you because that would be dickish! it sounds to me like you’re struggling with your identity and i support you exploring and understanding yourself. idk if you wanting women to be a priority in life means that you’re gay because only you can define that for yourself. ftr, i also think dudes are pretty. i would maybe date one 1 out of 10 times, but i still pretty much define myself as gay. and that’s cool. 

7) i want to address specifically your sentence "i’m terrified of being wrong about myself” because i really truly believe that no one can be wrong about themselves. you are yourself, you are the one who gets to make the rules about you and what you are and who you are going to be. you literally cannot be wrong. there are stupid ppl in this world who might tell you you have to be a certain way to be any one thing, but that is false. you can be what you are. that’s that. for real. i know i sound like a fuckin self-help book but i don’t care, it’s the facts. i understand about societal pressures and shit but when it comes to your mind and body, you are the owner of you. so you can’t be wrong about it.

8) you are super allowed to be gay. there’s no test. no one checks you at the door at pride and makes sure you fit in.

9) it’s okay to be confused. i, a person who has been pretty aware of my interests since i was 15, am still confused. you don’t have to know everything about yourself before you let yourself try something. in fact, there’s a likelihood you won’t know a damn thing until you try. i recently learned that i like red peppers! i thought for YEARS that i hated red peppers. i thought for a long time that dating a girl would be weird and uncomfortable because i thought - stupidly - that dating a girl would just be different than what love or dating was supposed to be. and it’s not. i tried it and i like it and i’m happy. but you also don’t have to like it once you try it.

10) the tldr version of my response to your questions is this: you can be you, whatever that is. you don’t have to fit a label or pass a test. it’s okay to be uncertain and anxious and confused; there are tons of people who have gone through things like what you’re going through. i’m one of them. so don’t be afraid. there is a place for you in the lgbtq community if you want a place. 

i have NO idea if that was helpful. but for real, i’m with you and support you, okay? you are valid whatever way you are.