#idk how I’m feeling atm
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Have we all heard about the reboot?
What are everyone’s thoughts ?! 💖
#idk how I’m feeling atm#obviously more Buffy is great#but I want it to be good so badly#I feel like if it isn’t perfect I’ll get disappointed#and I don’t want to be disappointed with Buffy 💔#also is Joss involved ???#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer#Buffy summers
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bullying ford just for funzies 💥🥄
cw, the tiniest amount of blood/body horror
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#Ttteeeeeeeeechnically “””vent””” art???? Idk life is stressful atm smhh#Gravity falls#gravity falls bill#gravity falls ford#bill cipher#ford pines#Toxic old man yaoi to ease da pain..#billford#Still working on how to color bear with me plz LMAO#Spent all my life neglecting it I feel like a toddler discovering crayons again#Only I’m eating the crayons and I get confused on why my canvas isn’t colored yet#Ford with big ol naturals 💔💥🥄
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Hmmmmmmm
Feel free to explain your answer in the tags and rub for sample size
#ray rants and junk#personal#my polls#I’m just asking because she’s in my city atm and she’s EVERYWHERE#I always thought of myself as somewhat neutral (and if not a mild hater just due to the fact that her music is overplayed)#but I think I might be coming around on her music#idk how I feel about the carbon emissions however…#but anyway#let’s see what yall think lol#Taylor Swift#please don’t fight in the comments/tags btw just politely state your opinion and leave everyone else to theirs :)
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Otherkin culture is staring at your household pets with such jealousy like
How come YOU get to curl up and chill so cozy while I have to figure out what to do with all these awkward appendages that just don’t feel right right now.
Dear god somebody please take me out of this body
#culture is#otherkin#alterhuman#personally ->#voidkin#(shapeshifter)#and#shadowkin#hands feel bad#odd even#like they feel bigger than they are and I’m not even sure if it’s derealisation or otherkin related atp#it’s still annoying as hell bc I can’t do anything with my computer mouse atm like shit just feels wrong no matter what I do#it’s wrong it’s just wrong and I hate it idk how else to describe it#asher's ramblings
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ok tw lactation, pregnancy
ive been going through a pHASE IM IN A PHASE OK i wanna write smt about small tiddy wife scared about not enough milk production and hubby haji helping her through her fear by assuring her in the most affectionate way he knows how (with his fingers in her pussy and sucking her tits til shes raw) that it’ll be fine
ListEN DONT FUCKINH LOOK AT ME IM JUST IN SMT RN
#i think it’s the age guys all i can think about is getting pregnant#just Haji THO ONLY HIM HES THE ONLY ONE#i do in general kinda wanna kinda write more itty bitty centric fics#i feel like that’s a demographic i can write for bc it me#it me fr#but idk iDK I might write a drab I might not it just#tw.lactation#tw.pregnancy#I guess I’m !!! into smt I wasn’t into before hoW PECULIAR#actually atm I also wouldn’t mind getting knocked up by togame Jo and iTS JUST AS DISTRESSING YO ME AS#YOU MIGHT THINK IT IS#ALL I CAN YHINk of is big breeder balls
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if this post gets like…5000 notes I’ll actually start writing scripts/making storyboards for videos I’ve had ideas about for months
additionally if this gets to 10000 (which I highly doubt it will) I’ll actually work on my abandoned stories, book ideas, and poetry
#Watch me not post this ever /j#Idk I’m loosing motivation and I may be but a humble student rn with no ability to make these videos real atm#But scripts and story boards are a start right?#If anyone cares I have a snippet for CJ’s You sound like Louis Burdett that I really want to do (3:09 - 4:20 roughly..)#And the entirety of Oblivion by grimes has been just sitting there…I wanna do it grrgggrrr#S.K thinks#If you’re reading this I finally grew a pair and decided I don’t want to be stuck anymore#Might schedule this for when I’m at practice so instead of thinking about how posting it is SCARY !!! I am sweating and dying !!!#Idk it feels wrong to post this when I’ve repeatedly given up very easily on my creative career as a whole multiple times#But I always end up NOT doing that so k have a bit of hope that if I get a bunch of people’s support and trust to get back on my feet again#That this time it’ll be different and I’ll stick to it. Even if I think it sucks. It’s my first time doing any of these things seriously#It’s not meant to be perfect…and plus if even one person likes it it’ll have been worth it
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I miss my cat you guys
#do u guys miss Tonto too#I miss him#been thinking about him nonstop this week it’s been keeping me up and idk what I’m supposed to do about it#like he was a cat at the end of the day and I feel pathetic still like missing him this intensely#all I wanna do is talk about him n think about him and look at pictures and videos#and it’s getting really draining#but then I have to remind myself that it’s been like what#not even three months#and I’m allowed to feel this way#but I think if I talked about him and how much I love and miss him anymore than I already do people would get annoyed so fast#I just miss my baby#and it’s even more frustrating because last month I was mostly fine#and for most of this month I’ve been fine#it’s all a bit too much for me atm I think
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Sometimes when I listen to the Beatles I feel like I felt at thirteen again and it feels like the sky widens and there’s endless possibilities and they’re saying what I’m feeling but can’t articulate and I’m lying on my bed and tomorrow I have school and I’ll have school for five more years and I dream of going to Liverpool and I want the magical mystery tour to take me away and I’m learning English with their help and I don’t know the chronological order of the albums yet but it’s fine because they all make me feel so much and I’m slowly learning to distinguish their voices and life is wide and it’s okay and nothing bad has happened yet
#it’s little things like remembering how much I liked old brown show when I first listened to it#or how I could only tell Paul’s voice apart by the way he says his Ks#life was such a wonder then aw man#feeling weird about time passing atm#cause remembering it all is weird because I felt so grown up but I was a literal child#sooooo many things have happened but every time I listen to their music I go back to being that girl#yes I’m an adult now yes I carry much more shit around with me but really the essence of it all is. I still like that music#it still feels like it gives my life purpose#idk it’s important you know#it matters to me#emmys thoughts
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I have not forgotten about the inbox call nor about my mains/affiliates call. they’re both still open. I am simply way too drained & exhausted to think straight or in any kind of creative manner. I’ll attempt things on Thursday again as I have another closing shift tomorrow & then an early one on Thursday. I don’t know how I’ll feel, I’m just beyond overstimulated rn & need to just not think. apologies for the wait on literally everything, life is just a lot atm.
#* ∙ ʚ ɞ ◞ 𝐎𝐎𝐂 ❮ out of character. ❯#( I am very on edge bc I feel so overstimulated)#( I’m just trying to keep a bit of my )#( mind in tact I suppose..)#( idk I am also not looking forward to next weekend haha )#( I don’t want to drive 10+ hours back & forth across Germany on my days off )#( but ig that’s just how life is atm )#( <- says me under tears as if I don’t absolutely hate long car rides esp. in the summer )#( ok enough of my yapping )#( pls take care of yourselves 💜 )
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guys this is going to sound really heavy? insane? but. first of all going on a hiatus. i’ll put the rest in the tags because idk. it feels really weird doing this but also unfortunately it is very very necessary at this point.
#nini’s nonsense#so i don’t really want to disappear on anyone and just to be clear. i am fine there’s nothing wrong with me personally but. life got fucked#real real fast and that’s why i’m leaving but. i’m doing a bi-weekly check in because the thing is. the moment those stop. you can all#unfortunately assume i’m not on this earth anymore#HA i feel insane typing that out but it is the truth of life atm so yeah uhm#this sounds so heavy and i mean. i guess it is. but yeah i also don’t want to just randomly disappear forever so this seems like the best#thing to do? sorry idrk how to deal with this yet so yeah.#maybe if everything turns to normal once more i’ll come back but i don’t see that happening anytime soon.#but yeah maybe. for now. i love you all dearly forever and always <3#does this need a trigger warning? idk lmk#anyways let me pin this.#also pls don’t worry too much! my life is just being. well my life i guess this had to happen at some point.#also see you sept 1st!! hopefully!!
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November is hell AND none of my besties are online, what a terrible time to be alive 🥲🥺
#so many of me friends are MIA atm IM SAD WHERE ARE THEY#where are the people in my phone 🥺🥺🥺#I wanna complain about my phones besties being horn but NONE OF THE BESTIES ARE ONLINE how terrible 🥲🥲🥲#even the snowbaird server is dead af#idk if it’s bc of thanksgiving today so people are extra not online but (pout)#I mean some of my friends have been away from the phone for a while now bc of real life 😔 but now it seems they’re all gone at the same time#things feel so shitty and usually talking with my friends help me out but guess I’m back to shouting in the tumblr void#personal#burntblueberrywaffles
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also saw that it’s speculated (by f1-insider.com) that carlos signed w williams for next year so now I’m worried again about where valtteri’s going 😔
#his two options outside of williams are alpine and sauber#alpine is literally falling apart as we speak and the relationship between valtteri and sauber seems to have soured in the past year#not to mention they’re the worst car atm lol#so I’m unhappy about both options lol :/#idk how reliable f1-insider is as a source tho so maybe they’re wrong but it’s not looking good#esp since carlos sr and carlos onoros were seen at williams earlier too#meh ig we will see how things go over the break but not feeling good folks
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#i don’t think he’d surprise me at the airport#he didn’t want to meet me at the bus station where he’s staying atm#so i feel like i do more#at least in this regard#but i also like doing things for people#but it’s also late at night#sursh.pers#hellppppp#like… idk. it also gives me smthn to do is the thing#cause waiting up till almost midnight is gonna be annoying as well#and right next to me bed? i’m gonna have to set an alarm and do jumping jacks#else he’ll be left in the cold all night#he could always go to his grandma’s tho. he’s got a place to stay in an emergency#not that i’m planning to fall asleep#but he’s not in danger if i do is the point#also - context: i don’t think he’s a dick for not meeting me at places#he would if i asked#he just doesn’t do those kinds of surprises#not how his brain works#he doesn’t rlly do unplanned things#i think he gets anxious about doing something unwanted
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Trying to get ahead of an unsustainability cycle that might be starting up this week,,, (I start work).
#this turned into a bit of a rant whoops#mypost#have been chilling recovering from breast reduction the last month#steadily helping my mom out around the house more and more#but neow imma be working a ~35hr week (not including commute times during rush hour rip)#starting tmr#and I’m remembering that 1) it takes me more time to shower bc I have to be careful with boobz. also I have to wash my bra every night bc da#scars can’t get infected. so the whole process of showering is connected to also washing and drying my bra and putting on lotions n such so#it takes an hour minimum#2) doing stuff for my mom… is always spontaneous and urgent and takes up more time/energy than I think#3) my mom is bad at food stuff on a personal level and that’s transferring to the household bc a lot of stuff including a) she’s hella busy#and stressed. b) the price of food 💀keeps goin up ayoo. c) she is restricting herself to only eating twice a day??? idk why????#d) she also considers a meal to be anything she throws together no matter how unbalanced/nontasty it is#e) I’m also so bad at cooking/meal prep/etc but lowkey have a Thing abt food rn and cannot eat random junk even if I’m v hungry#. all this to say: idk how to do my household duties (communicating with mom. nightly dishes. small stuff that builds) when I have a feeling#imma be hella hungry this whole week.#WAIT I FORGOT THO IMMA BE MAKING MONEYYYY 💰 💴 💵 so I can pay for lunch at work ayooo#((not thinking abt budgeting atm lol 😬. I’m fortunate enough to have a 529 plan for college so semester times are all g)#4) I’m also doing two coursera courses atm (personal finance for young adults and Good With Words) …. I will prob not be able to get much#done in these courses when I have a full week rip#5) I gotta prepare for abroad (applying for visa. dealing with large government structures 😭😭😭) and in general attend to my emails#all dis. hmm#oh and also personal upkeep: gotta order eczema lotion. gotta get in contact with doctors abt leg and jaw PT. gotta follow thru with PT.#falling behind on a productive schedule while balancing my moms needs and my needs and my long-term health/personal project stuff is gonna#be difficult…#hm#writing this out is. hm.#all g all g I am a young adult I gotta handle this stuff now 🧑#great freedom = great responsibility and all that shiz#FUCK I FORGOT I HAVE TO EXERCISE TOO FUCK!!!! DANG NABBIT
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Small rant about my mother/autism:
Obsessed with the fact that my mom insists that her church friend’s son is autistic bc he figured out how to steal from an atm but refuses to believe her own daughter, who has sensory issues, horrible social skills/understanding, has had the same special interest since she was 3, is a “picky eater”, had multiple meltdowns/tantrums growing up bc the environment I was in was too much for me to process, actively enjoys/is calmed by organizing and lining things up, can’t make eye contact to save her life, and had multiple teachers/counselors tell her that I was a bit “off” but it’s okay bc my pattern recognition skills were off the charts which meant I must be some kind of genius! - is. Apparently she even had a a friend at work and a therapist she was seeing suggest it when I was having trouble in middle school but she shot down the idea bc my cousin (dads side- not the one I’ve complained about here) is autistic but only bc her mom smoked during pregnancy and there’s no way it was genetic at all. First of all, have you met your father in law and your husband? Second of all, your friend has THREE autistic children despite never smoking or drinking bc it runs on their fathers side. Do you not think she might’ve know what she was talking about?!?!!?
#it’s just infuriating#that said church friends son is in jail for the atm thing and stalking a state politicians daughter#the politician is a democrat and his family are extreme MAGA republicans so idk what his plans were#but she’d trying to suggest that his autism (which he’s never been even remotely evaluated for)#and his ptsd from his short time in the military are the reasons he did what he did and needs proper help instead of being locked away#like MAM you’re only reasoning for him being autistic is that he was smart enough to steal from the atm- that does not make him autistic!#and yeah he’s always had trouble talking to girls#I fucked up and wore a revealing dress to church with you once and I could feel his eyes on me till we left (it’s a very small church)#I was 15!! he was 25!!!#she’s keeps trying to excuse the stalking by saying he has a crush and didn’t know how to talk to her#I just… idgaf if he is autistic- his behavior was disgusting- your behaviors disgusting#and how can you still not believe I’m autistic but want to use it to defend and pitty him?!?
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I’m soooo excited to finish writing toxic!megumi btw 🤤
#🧚🏽♀️ — luxe chit chat#the doc is low key gathering dust but it’s okay#idk if I mentioned Kay is here until Monday so we are just hanging out and having fun!#we’re rewatching spy x family atm!#just been watching a bunch of stuff and playing games together it’s been rly nice#idk how many of u here followed me from my old blog#I mentioned having a rly tough time with a friend and tbh the situation hasn’t improved in the least#my mental health is super bad bc I feel really trapped with no options#but spending this time w Kay has been so nice#I’ve just had a shower n we r gonna watch more sxf!!#ANYWAY my point is I just haven’t had a chance to write lately since he’s visiting!#he uses my laptop to play Pokémon and stuff bc I have a better gaming one hehe <3#but I am gonna finish toxic megumi sometime next week#im hoping I might be able to squeeze some time in to write in when Kay sleeps in!#i wanted to do it today but he woke up not too long after me!#he usually sleeps in super late he doesn’t sleep too good :(#omg I’m rambling so much I’m sorry I hope ur all having good days and nights and taking care of yourselves!!
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