#idk he said i should eat sour things to make my mouth water more and apparently that'll help too

[nexus-nebulae]

ugh i got a throat infection and i can feel my throat constricting from it and while i did get some antibiotics for it i only just started it today so i haven't felt any effects yet so i'm just sitting here with an uncomfortably half-closed throat that's really sore all the time

[starfishoverdrive]

c-c-c-could write a (sfw) fic where the reader feeds enmu cake? dieting rn and istg his upper body looks like thinspo 😔

🍰Feeding Enmu CAKE🌟😻

my first request yasss OFC. i love cake and i love enmu and i love enmu's cake and i love my fans!! #starfishoverdrive galaxy forever

I made it so both of you share the red velvet cake and then kisses :3c!! also, i really like the more domestic approach to enmu x reader like... being a demon slayer and having a cute demon boyfriend who slacks off at your house— i love writing it, will do more !!🌟

words: 1,769

content warnings: since it's sfw idk. but there are innuendos 😿

Enmu made sure you had a good day today. He brushed his teeth so there wasn't any putrid demon breath, polished your sword, and he even decided to get you something special. You didn't know how he obtained such a thing as he was a literal demon in a world full of humans but there it was: a whole red velvet cake. Just the sight was enough to make your mouth water… It looked fluffy and delicious! And when Enmu finally saw the excited look on your face, he lifted the plate and began walking towards you with a grin, flashing the fangs you were all too familiar with now. He sat on your bed—his thighs absorbed most of the area—and placed the plate of cake in his lap. You happily sat next to your boyfriend and pushed yourself against him, and you were immediately hit with the smell of outside. Again, you didn't know how he got this cake… But you appreciated his efforts. To make that clear you pressed a kiss to his cheek and he gazed at you, blushing. 

"We'll eat it together!" He chirped, lifting his left hand, and when you looked you saw the mouth holding a fork between its teeth.

"What?!"

You've never seen Enmu eating human food, but you assumed it was terrible to him since he always said no when you offered him something. It'd differ in type. Sweet, sour, bitter, normal—he always declined, so you wondered what made him have a change of heart. Face now hot, you took the fork in your hand and looked into his equally excited eyes.

"Ooooh! You're surprised, aren't you?" He tilted his head with a smile. "That's unnecessary. You should know I love eating cake. Now…!"

He slightly leaned into you and opened his mouth wide, showing off his glistening tongue and sharp canines. It was clean and didn't smell like blood and death like usual. You wondered if he was trying to act like a human at this point… 

You jolted when he snapped his teeth together and grinned, his eyes flicking down to the plate casually as if he didn't just scare the life out of you. He guided your fork to the cake while squeezing your hand gently.

"I wanted you to feed me it. Are you too scared, [Y/N]?" He teased.

"No! I just thought—wow. Um-"

You watched as he lowered your hand and made you cut through the cake, and feeling the warmth over your skin made your gut tighten. Even your throat went dry, your heart started pounding, and you wondered if he just put a spell on you. Or… Maybe you were dreaming and that explains Enmu about to eat human food. He stifled a laugh as he watched you pinch yourself with your free hand.

"It's real, darling! If it was a dream, it wouldn't be nearly as innocent as this. Now again~"

Your fork had pierced through a piece of cake so you were prepared for him to part his jaws, and when he did you shoved it in so fast between his teeth it made a clicking noise.

Instantly, his eyes went wide. He was as stiff as a statue for what felt like minutes, but then he blinked. And a waterfall of drool fell past his lips. He was literally sucking the frosting from the fork and you struggled to pull it from his teeth.

"Enmu-! That's not how you eat it!"

He hummed in response, closing his eyes and swallowing. He found your efforts amusing and blushed softly before popping his mouth open at last, nearly sending you flying. You whined at the copious amount of drool dripping from the fork but, you had to admit, that was kind of cute. Your face was even hotter than before as you slowly brought the fork down on the cake again, piercing it and bringing it to his mouth. He lunged at it this time and you didn't give him time to seize it and suck on it, much to his disappointment, but the piece was yummy so he chewed it.

"So messy!" You joked. Well, kind of joked, it was pretty true. You reached over and took his coat in your hand, then wiped his dripping mouth with it. "I can tell you forgot how to eat human food. Why are you drooling so much…"

"Because it's tasty! And also my turn." He took your fork and sloppily poked at the cake until he speared a huge piece that miraculously didn't fall once he held it up. His eyes narrowed and his smile grew wider as he slowly brought the fork to your mouth. "Open wide!"

Honestly, it was scary. You didn't know if he was gonna shove it down your throat or accidentally puncture something, because from the way he ate his pieces he seemed downright insane. But… He was your boyfriend, so you felt a little obligated to trust him. Pushing back your anxieties, you opened your mouth.

"Wonderful!"

He placed it on your tongue carefully. You were clearly taken aback, but you tried your best not to show it. The sweet flavor immediately lit up your senses and you pulled away from the fork, laughing a little as you chewed. Enmu's eyes sparkled. He watched you as if you were some legendary, once in a lifetime sight, and by the time you swallowed the delicious cake he was already prodding your mouth with another piece. 

You took it and once again relished the delicious taste of red velvet. 

"See…? Good."

You felt sick from how flustered you were. He was still gazing at you so longingly, like he was truly intrigued by your reaction. A lot of the cake was gone now and he was already urging you to swallow down another piece.

"Mm-??"

You grabbed at the fork but he persisted, literally force-feeding you the piece of cake with a fat blush on his face. It tasted amazing so you didn't really care about him shoving it in your mouth, but he was supposed to be eating it too! Not just you. You were attempting to pry the fork from his hands and he simply watched you, death-gripping the utensil with all his strength and laughing. This went on for way too long since he found it so entertaining, but then he finally eased his grip and let you take it. 

You poked through a big piece and scowled. You carried the fork to his mouth and he lapped at it like a cat.

"Enmu."

"Darling…" 

You forced it in his mouth and he let out a loud, joyful moan. He swirled his tongue around the fork and drank in the sweet taste before swallowing, and you immediately went for another piece after pulling it from his lips. He held his mouth open. His tongue fell against his bottom lip and you shrank back, staring curiously.

He closed his lips around the fork and gazed up at you with his bright, blue eyes. He made sure you saw him lick up every bit of frosting, and then he took the fork in his own hand. It was his turn.

Before he could tell you, your lips were already parted. 

"Here comes the Mugen train!" he yelled too excitedly, mimicking a train with his fork in the most giddiest manner. You giggled and closed your eyes, awaiting the piece of cake, but what met your lips was something warm and soft.

Your eyes shot open and you were met with an eyeful of his face right in yours. He was kissing you. Humming lowly, thumb caressing your cheek, and further pressing his mouth into yours. A little whine came from you but you loved it, closing your eyes and melting into the kiss. Once he pulled just his lips from yours, he took the moment to pant, breath fanning against your skin, and you brought your own hand to feel against his heated face. He pressed into you again, this time adding onto the passionate nature of the kiss.

His tongue found its way past your lips and met with your own, swirling around it and sharing the flavor of sweet, delectable cake, all while his thumb rubbed affectionately. It tasted distinct, strong, but undeniably good, and you sucked just slightly while he attacked your tongue with his own. The thumping in your chest had long since turned into pounding, and the more you kept your lips locked the more you lost track of everything that didn't matter. Right now it was just the kiss, his touch, his warmth, his taste—but when he slipped away you were reminded of what he was sitting here for.

You breathed heavily, gazing deeply into his eyes. They shone with his affection for you. His thumb pulled down on your wet lip just enough for him to slip the fork in your mouth to which you eagerly ate. Your face was on fire.

"Ah, we're almost done."

Your turn. You got a good big piece and watched him slowly chew. It seemed he was making progress with how he eats human food… And then you were quickly adding onto those pieces. He ate eagerly, sucking up the drool that pooled in his mouth and licking up every crumb. But for the last bite, he stopped you and took the fork as his own. 

With a happy glint in his eye, he fed you the last bite. It tasted better after the kiss you shared with him. Really, his taste lingered, and you looked at him almost pleadingly for another once you swallowed the piece. He's been your boyfriend long enough to know what that look meant, and he eagerly kissed you again. This time, both of you had the fresh taste of cake on your tongue, so he couldn't help but swallow the flavor that flooded his mouth. It was shorter, deeper, and when you pulled away, a line of saliva stretched between you and the demon's lips as you both caught your breath.

He really did make sure your day was good. He licked the fork clean and placed it away along with the empty plate. And because nothing was in the way, he could freely hug you and rub his equally hot cheek against yours. His heartbeat was calm compared to the pounding of your own. It was a sweet thing to hear, you buried your head in his chest and listened to the pretty noise.

"In return, do you think you'll ever try demon food, dear?"

Your eyebrows furrow.

[awkwardgtace]

Secret Brother Pt1

New OCs let's go. Trying out something idk if I'll write more with these guys. Realizing some bit of traumatic past seems required in my ocs so far.

TW: mentions of abandonment. Later parts will have mentions of a borrower being treated like a pet this is entirely painted in how fuckin wrong it is and how it added to the trauma.

Part 2 Part 3 (Final)

Secret Brother Part 1

Everything started when Mikhail’s students were talking about some weird happenings in their dorm. Things were going missing and a voice was heard commonly late at night. They started to say they thought it was haunted. He offered to host a study session to disprove anything, making sure to bring his shoulder bag. It was easy enough to leave open on the ground and should be tempting enough for the ‘ghost’ to climb in. He kept a close eye out and sat near a wall he thought he saw a crack in. He was starting to worry that this wouldn’t work, until he saw a small form climbing up the edge of his bag. He didn’t like doing this, but he knew the students in this dorm were more likely to share their discovery. They were being too obvious here, probably someone who just struck out on their own. Now the dorm ‘ghost’ would be somewhere much safer and could learn the skills they needed.

Mikhail was anxious for the remainder of the session. He couldn’t be obvious for the sake of the one in his bag, and the others around him. He carefully placed his bag on his shoulder, opting to carry the books he’d used out as he continued speaking with the students. He rushed to his car, placing the bag safely on the floor of the passenger seat. He took the drive slower than normal, eyes constantly drifting to his bag. He parked and rushed straight to his door. Once inside he placed his bag on the ground, unzipped it, and pulled out a random book. He quickly walked off, settling down in a chair pretending to read. He was keeping an eye out for when his passenger left the bag. After an hour he decided to just leave the bag on the floor for a few days, give the little one time to get out.

It took a few days, but he finally heard the ‘ghost’ acting. It started with a clatter sound from his kitchen late at night. He held his breath, waiting for another sign. A voice that sounded somewhat young started mumbling. He wanted to get involved and help, but it’s never gone well in the past. He would just stay as an oblivious human and they could figure this all out. At least that was his promise to himself, but the little one was far from subtle. He could hear them talking to themselves on a daily basis, they were leaving messes, and worst of all they left trails back to their entrances. Mikhail had promised himself he wouldn’t get involved anymore, but he couldn’t leave this. He sighed, gathering what he needed to help out the inexperienced borrower.

He faked a phone call claiming he’d be gone for a few days then left shutting the door loudly. He went around to the back of his house, pulling out a fishing hook with a line attached and hanging it on the windowsill of the kitchen window. He’d left it open just enough someone the size of his guest could squeeze through. He focused on the feeling he’d grown used to over the years and watched the world slowly grow around him. In only a few seconds the world towered around him. He started climbing quickly, a little out of practice since he’d gotten his size under control.

He squeezed through the open window, reminding himself to open it just a bit more next time. Once inside he froze, he never once considered the borrower might recognize him. He considered squeezing out the window again, but was stopped before taking a step. He heard a small clatter, and saw a poorly made paper clip hook fail to catch. He heard a groan from below as the paper clip fell from the counter. He just had to hope they wouldn’t notice the similarities between the human they were living with and the new borrower in the house. He took a steadying breath then marched to the edge of the counter. The borrower was already murmuring to themselves, it was clearly a problem.

“You know you’ll get caught talking to yourself like that right?” he called down. The source of the failed hook screamed, clearly not expecting anyone to be here. Mikhail hadn’t been wrong, this was definitely a kid. They were probably a teenager, and honestly didn’t look like they’d had an easy time. He took his own hook, placing it down and throwing the string off the edge. “Climb up and we can talk. Don’t want to be too loud in case the human is around.”

The kid had no hesitation climbing up, that much trust could be dangerous. Although most people this size trusted each other almost blindly. They were worn out and panting once they were at the top of the counter, clearly new to borrowing. Had he accidentally kidnapped a young curious kid? He’d find out if anyone else was there once he’d trained the kid a bit. He gave them another minute before finally starting with his plan.

“Kid, why were you making so much noise? Half of being a borrower is being quiet especially when out in the open.” he said. The kid opened their eyes and Mikhail realized he’d made a mistake. Their eyes were watery, they must have been terrified. The kid sniffled a bit as they finally got their breath back.

“I-I didn’t mean to,” they said, “my parents didn’t really teach me how to borrow yet. W-we were on our way to a new home when a storm hit and I got separated. I wound up here by accident. I climbed in the human’s bag, I thought I saw loose threads I could use, along with some food. Th-they closed the bag on me and I wound up in this house.”

“Where were you before?” Mikhail asked. He wondered if there was a chance he could find the kid’s parents at the school.

“I’m not sure, I was dragged by water for a long time. When I got out of it I-I ran to the first building I found. I’m pretty sure they got dragged away too...” the kid’s voice was quiet. They seemed to know they weren’t going to find their parents. It sounded like there may be more to the story the kid didn’t want to mention yet. Mikhail would do everything he could to make sure they could survive on their own. He was getting attached already and he hated it.

“Well I was planning to stay here for a few days before moving on again,” he started. “I can teach you the basics. I happen to know you picked a pretty good human to live with. This one doesn’t tend to investigate small noises, but he has gotten curious from times I took too much.”

“Wait wait, you'll teach me? W-why? Isn’t it better to just move on and leave me to whatever happens?”

“Who told you that?” Mikhail’s voice went icy. The kid lost their family and just needed some guidance.

“Well, I uh, I met other borrowers who always said that. Then my parents too...sometimes.”

Mikhail was ready to scream hearing that. He’d dealt with people like that a lot since he lost his parents. He wrapped his arm around the kid’s shoulders and pulled him into a half hug. They froze but soon melted into the contact, he started rubbing his arm on their arm to calm them. The kid started to cry and Mikhail just let them. He knew they were safe and later, he’d say they should be careful. He let them go as long as they wanted, he knew sometimes you just needed times like this. The kid was the first one to pull away, looking a bit ashamed as they did so.

“I’m sorry about that,” they said. “We were lucky the human didn’t come back, I could have gotten us both caught. I-if this is where you usually live I can leave. I don’t want to put you at risk.”

“I offered to teach you, didn't I? No one has to leave, besides I tend to be a bit more nomadic. My name is Mik, he and him,” he said.

“I-I,” the kid shook his head, “My name is Ian, he and him too, I think. Are you really all right to teach me?”

“Don’t worry about the he and him thing too much, if something else feels right just tell me, ok Ian?”

Ian nodded his head. Mikhail took the time to really assess him now that he didn’t have to worry about being an accidental kidnapper. He didn’t look like he’d had much to eat recently, although that wasn’t uncommon for borrowers. His clothes were a bit baggy, and needed some patching. Mikhail may try to pull some tricks with his shifting to get him some better clothes. Ian seemed to be at least a full inch shorter than Mikhail, which wasn’t reassuring if they ever met when he was human.

“Ian, how old are you?” he finally asked. He needed an idea before deciding the next steps.

“I-I’m seventeen, or well I’m almost seventeen.”

Mikhail nodded, a little surprised he was that old. Ian was just a teenager after all. He knew what to do then. First they’d make a better hook, then practice having it catch on tables and counters. Then how to grab supplies without leaving a trace. He’d leave him with the fish hook once the few days he gave himself were up. The fish hook and line is sturdier, and would last with fewer replacements longer. Perfect for someone still just learning, plus he could just start a collection of random hooks to leave out.

“All right, here's the plan,” Mikhail explained. It didn’t take more than that for Ian to get excited. He trailed behind Mikhail hanging on every word, mouthing the important things. Mikhail felt like he had a little brother with how this was going. He couldn’t deny that he was enjoying being with Ian like this. It’s been a while since he really spent time with people outside of work. By the time the weekend ended and ‘Mik’ had to move on, neither was happy with it. Mikhail knew Ian would get better without trouble, but he didn’t want to leave him alone.

They were sitting in Ian’s home, set up a lot better with the supplies they grabbed safely over two days. Ian had gotten into a habit of staying almost on top of Mikhail while in the home, like he thought he’d disappear. It left Mikhail with a sour feeling, knowing he had to leave the kid at least for the week. He jumped a little as that thought crossed his mind. He could, probably, keep this up on the weekends. Eventually Ian would see the human’s face and he may put two and two together, until then he could keep this up. He’d only come back until he was positive Ian wasn’t being reckless, if he went a week without seeing him then ‘Mik’ would come to say goodbye. It would work fine and then Ian wouldn’t have to deal with everything that’s happened alone.

“Can I go with you?” Ian asked, it knocked Mikhail from his thoughts. Mikhail looked at him with a sad smile shaking his head. “Why not? You said I was doing well. I can get used to being an outdoors borrower. Or, or just a traveling one or whatever. Please?”

“It’s too dangerous. Maybe when you’ve improved more. I don’t want you taking risks you don’t have to. I was told the same thing by the person who taught me everything,” Mikhail explained, he knew he couldn’t just abandon him. “I can try to come back though. I help keep some others connected, but I’ll come back, I promise.”

Ian grabbed him tight into a hug, the promise barely keeping him together. Mikhail knew it was a dumb idea, but he couldn’t do it. He’d promised himself not to get involved with borrowers again after the last time, but he never expected to find a kid who had no one. Once Ian could take care of himself he’d tell him the truth and then deal with the consequences. For now he’d help him stay safe. Ian fell asleep holding Mikhail in a tight hug. He knew he shouldn’t stay like this, but it was nice to be with someone else. After a few hours he knew he had to leave. It was Monday so he had to be a human again and go to work.

He slipped out of Ian’s grasp, careful not to wake him. Quietly he grabbed the hook that they’d fashioned out of some threads and a paper clip, leaving Ian the one that he’d brought. He snuck through the walls until reaching an entrance that he’d leave open just enough to come in through again. Once out of the walls he focused on shifting back to his human size, the world slowly matching him again. He quickly made his way to the front door, keeping an eye out for anyone awake right now. He snuck in quietly, trying to avoid being loud enough to wake Ian up. He collapsed on his bed, turning his phone on with an alarm set for the class that started in a few hours.

[cosmicbash]

no but like oh my god, imagine if kells only has sex with em bc that’s the only way he can think of repaying the rapper??? christ, like, he only thinks of em’s own pleasure instead of his own, using his body as an apology, bc that’s the only way he knows how (i mean there’s his music too, but he thinks em fucking hates his music) ((idk might write abt this, but i kinda want u to kickstart it uknow?))

Yess yess yess I love this.

It starts out as a misunderstanding, of course, because how else would their relationship begin?

A series of short tentative chats that somehow blossom into a full on dinner together, Colson sweating and more anxious than he's ever been in his life. It just doesn't seem real, that not only could he be mending this feud with his idol but also sitting across from him at some fancy restaurant table learning Eminem eats his steaks well done like some child. And laughing about it. 

He's actually laughing. With his idol, his rival, his highschool crush. Long legs kicking out under the table at his own bad jokes, Em half smirking back at him. Their feet brushing one too many times for the color to leave his cheeks even after he's done giggling.

By the time Colson is talking Em into splitting some crazy good looking chocolate cake he actually feels better than he has in years. Since before the beef. So of course something has to go wrong. It really would have to be a dream for things not to sour.

He wants to pretend the first few flirty comments are in his head. That Em reaching across the table to roughly rub some chocolate off his cheek is a Detroit thing. But by the time they're finished eating and waiting for the check Colson's creeping suspicion has turned into full on alarm bells blaring. There's just no way to excuse the nervous looks or Em's almost hesitant invitation up to his hotel room. 

It feels like a slap to the face. Everything suddenly makes sense. Why they're eating in the other rapper's hotel, why Em is even speaking to him. None of this is to repair their relationship or end the beef. It's all just some poorly hidden buttering up before Em asks him to get down on his knees. 

Colson should blow up. He should just lash out and throw his fist into Em's face. Storm out and flag down the valet. He's not some escort that the rapper can rent for the night and feed a fancy dinner to.

But there's that guilty feeling that has settled into the pit of his stomach. The one that's been there since he first lashed out and ruined everything with his diss track, the comments about Hailey, his childish bitching in interviews. It's only doubled since they first sat down to eat. Every muffled chuckle and weakly hidden smile from the older man digging that pit deeper and deeper. Showing him what he carelessly threw away in some desperate grab for attention.

It's got a small voice in the back of Colson's head warning him how if he says no and storms out he's just doing the same thing all over again, cutting Em out of his life. This time possibly forever.

So Colson bites his tongue and nods. His fingers anxiously climbing up into his hair to help hide the guilty look he knows must be on his face when he stutters out a "y-yeah, yeah, sure."

The genuine smile Em flashes back at him at his agreement just feels like a knife being jammed next to the shovel.

How can the man look so fucking blissful about something that feels like borderline blackmail?

But Em does. He looks stunned, downright flustered even at first at his response. Then happy. A happy that isn't hidden by some fake cough or behind a delicate yet strong looking hand for once. It gives Colson something precious to hold onto in the sea of uncomfortable and nasty emotions twisting up his stomach while the older rapper pays. 

The knot just twists itself up tighter once they're in the elevator, his silence thankfully brushed off as nervousness by Em. The almost shy glance of steely blue eyes his way making him feel so small while buttons are pressed. Usually Colson would blame this kind of nausea on the ride itself, but for once his phobia of the small metal deathtraps is actually being overpowered. A new fear worming its way through his guts as each floor number blinks to life.

He doesn't want to freak out. To run away, but hes too goddamn sober for this. Avoiding smoking and turning down the offer of wine at dinner just to try and impress his idol was threatening to be his downfall. If he'd known Em was going to show such little respect and consideration to his being like this he would have lit a fat one up right there at the table. Hell, maybe that would have changed the older man's mind about propositioning him in the first place. Surely a druggie asshole was less appealing to make drop to their knees instead of his current carefully put together primped and meek self.

"Only a few more floors. Don't go green on me just yet Kelly." 

Colson didn't know whether to take the playful nudge as comforting or creepy. Maybe, a little flattering? If Em had actually looked into him enough to learn about his problem with elevators and the man just wasn't guessing off the apparent discolor of his face that is.

"Y-yeah."

Imagining Eminem of all people actually following his interviews or caring about his personal life that much felt like a pipe dream though. 

Outside of the next 20 minutes or however long it took for the bastard to get his rocks off he highly doubted Em would put much thought into his existence at all. Which would be fair. After all the shit he's said and done he really doesn't deserve the time of day from his idol. 

A ding and the elevator doors were opening. Colson's legs feeling numb beneath him when he finally lets go of the railing in the elevator to stumble forward. Thankful that Em's focus was on digging his room's keycard out of his wallet and not his clumsy steps. Each one bringing them closer and closer to their destination, making the whole situation so vividly real he couldn't help but panic again. The other man's forced small talk about how he "Doesn't usually book the penthouse suite-" falling on deaf ears.

It’s ironic, how often he had dreamed for this exact scenario. For Eminem to be leading him up to some fancy high end hotel room, promising to shower him fully in his attention and gaze. Only now, with his dream coming true right before his eyes he can’t help but feel bittersweet about the heated gaze holding him frozen just outside the door. Em’s final offer for him to back down before they both step through the threshold clear as day in the look.

The twist in his gut tells Colson to take it, to just spin around on his heel and run away with his tail tucked between his legs. Accept he’s too much of a coward and too full of himself to actually mend their beef.

But the desperate need he feels for forgiveness and absolvement pushes Colson forward instead. Sheer will alone giving him the confidence to twirl his idols hoodie strings around his fingers to drag Em inside with him. The loud beat of his heart completely smothering the other man’s flustered outburst. 

Just like in church the blonde finds himself on his knees not too long after entering. Mouth open and hands clasped together, ready to ask for forgiveness. Except this god he’s praying to is running it’s fingers through his hair, and there’s a stiff cock separating his palms. A chorus of curses and “Holy fuck, K-Kelly just wait a second, shit, your tongue is-“ tickling his ears instead of hymns.

He’s never sucked a cock before, and it’s embarrassing how quickly he finds himself choking. But Colson doesn’t give up, even when his jaw starts to ache and the grip on his hair grows a bit too tight. His discomfort doesn’t matter here. He just needs to make Em happy, earn the forgiveness he doesn’t deserve.

“Can I- fuck, can I fuck your face?” Both of the older rapper’s palms are holding his bangs away from his face, tilting his head back just enough to force their eyes to meet. The shame in his chest doubles but so does the surprising tightness in his jeans when he sees the uncharacteristic flush to Em’s cheeks.

He isn’t experienced, the smart thing to do would be pull off and admit that. He’s seen first hand how disastrous things can go but his head bobs in a yes anyway. Eyes already starting to water from how the action jabs the other rappers cock right against his gag reflex.

A low groan is all the warning he gets before Em’s fingers are knotting in his hair, forcing his head down to meet the thrust of strong hips. Stuffing that hard dick down his throat so fast it burns and his hands can’t help but flail, helplessly grabbing onto the meat of the older rapper’s thighs through his sweats. Unable to even steal another gasp of air before it happens again. Em’s hips pistoning forward to fuck his mouth like some cheap replaceable toy. 

Even after he gags and gurgles spit the rapper doesn’t stop. 

The harsh pants of praise and encouragement burning his ears just as hotly as the tears in his eyes. “Ah, so good. So fucking good baby, the best, ah-“

Colson doesn’t know what’s worse, how quickly his heart skips at the surprise tern of endearment or how pathetically his cock jerks in his underwear. Not that he has much time to think on it with how Em abruptly forces his face right down to the bone, soft and scratchy pubes tickling his nose. Startling him before the other man’s blowing his load, Colson’s eyes widening and nails cutting deeply into Em’s legs while he chokes. There’s too much, even with his throat reflexively swallowing it still fills up his mouth and bursts out the sides. Dripping down his chin and out onto his shirt when Em finally pulls him off.

It’s salty, and thick. Nothing like the eggnog Rook’s joked to him it tastes like. There’s nothing sweet about this thick cream, even if the lightheaded feeling he’s got from milking it out still makes him feel drunk. 

“Shit. I wanna take a picture.“ Em’s palm is tilting his head back again, dragging his glassy eyes up away from the twitching spit slick cock in front of him. Thumb forcing his tongue down flat to flash what he can only imagine has to be a white mess before the hand in his hair is fumbling out a phone. “Can I?”

He almost wants to laugh at how the brunette doesn’t even wait for his answer before there is the unmistakable flash of a phone light temporarily blinding him. A curse and then another two, these ones at least allowing him the chance to shut his eyes tightly.

The shame within him is boiling, burning through his veins like lava and making his heart drop down into his stomach.

“So pretty-“ Em’s fingers are releasing his tongue and jaw to rake through his bangs yet again. Exposing his face even though Colson wants nothing more than to hide. A stifled sob tearing at his aching throat while he swallows what he can inside his mouth without completely gagging.

He can’t cry. That would ruin the mood wouldn't it? And if it doesn't, Colson doesn't know how he would handle having Em laugh at his tears. The almost soft demeanor and shy quality to his tone is all thats keeping the blonde from running away as it is. 

The shuffle of shoes and curl of strong fingers pulling him up startles Colson's eyes back open. Lashes fluttering to blink away the brief flash of wetness that's blurred his vision before he realizes he's being kissed. That Em's palms are cupping his jaw yet again, helping him to his feet. 

It's scratchy, and softer than he expects. Not that he was expecting Eminem to be kissing him in the first place, but the man doesn't relent. Just keeps kissing him, even after he's grown to his full height and the angle of their heads has switched. Em's tongue snaking its way inside his mouth while they stumble back further into the room. Until Colson's head is feeling fuzzy and his knees weak, the cushioned crash of his body hitting a mattress barely felt.

It feels wrong when Em's hands smooth up over his chest and down inside his jeans. The uncontrollable kick of his hips up into a tight hand around his cock almost blasphemous. There's no reason for Em to even be bothering with touching him there, he doesn't deserve it. But the rapper is sucking and nibbling along his neck, up into his ear to whisper a dozen filthy praises and compliments. None of them possibly true.

"So pretty-" "Perfect-" "Wanted to touch you for so long-" 

"Stop-" Colson's hands feel shaky as they drag his idols face back up to meet his in a messy kiss. Breath tight while he tries to speak between pecks. "Just- fuck, just hurry-"

When he winds up on his stomach some point into the night, Em's too big cock pressing hard against his entrance he can't help but cry out. The pitiful fist he shoves between his own teeth doing nothing to stifle the sound.

It hurts, more than the thin fingers he'd taken only moments prior. But not as much as the soothing shushes and affectionate run of hands through his hair. 

----

(Okay so this has set in my docs wayyyy too long now and you said you just wanted it maybe even as a kickstart so 🤲🤲 here is my humble offering)

[blue-bird-kny]

This is my first time requesting, sorry if it’s a bit unorganized. I’d like to request a soulmate AU in which you can taste whatever your soulmate is eating with Nemi. If possible, the reader is tired of tasting ohagis so they eat bitter melon to piss him off. This is on your choice to write but if you do, thank you so much!

This request was too cute to pass up so thank you and enjoy!~Amanda (Image creds to artist)

Warning: Language 

( 1k+ words)

“Touches and Taste Buds”

Over the years, you’ve learned to hate the taste of red bean paste. It’s not because it isn’t delicious, because it most definitely is, but because your damn soulmate seemed to only enjoy that one flavor. At first, when you began tasting the same things as your soulmate, you thought it was so cool how you both shared the same taste buds. As time passed though, every time your mouth filled with the taste of red bean paste, you wanted to kill whoever was doing this to you.

They ate it at all times of day and it was infuriating. Even though they’ve ruined the sweet taste of Ohagi, you’ve always been very patient with them. However patients could only last so long and yours was beginning to wear thin. Sometimes you wondered if others had as much trouble with their soulmates, if they too had such a monotonous eater that drove them crazy.

“I swear once we meet, I’m going to make you eat every damn thing this world has to offer before you eat Ohagi again” you always vowed to yourself. Clearly your soulmate wasn’t aware that other food groups existed. It felt as though they rarely ate anything else

It’s been a very long, strenuous day of training with Gyomei. He’d taken you under his guidance in order to make you a better demon slayer, but he was one tough mentor. The demon slayer headquarters had a mess hall of sorts, a place where demon slayers who weren’t on call could come and eat freely. “I’m so hungry I could eat their kitchen clean” you rubbed your growling stomach as you filled your plate with the various foods they had spread out.

You decided to sit alone; you weren’t necessarily a social person as is, but especially now all you needed was a nice, warm meal. You raised the spoonful to your lips, mouth watering, “nothing could ruin this”.

You thought too quickly because just as the spoon reached your mouth, the familiar taste of Ohagi filled your taste buds. You dropped your food on your plate, gagging as the taste seemed to overwhelm your senses. “I’ve had enough! Just who do they think they are!” you bitterly thought as you gathered all your tools of torture and revenge.

You rubbed your hands together evilly as you decided on which food you’d eat first. In front of you neatly lay your means of revenge; a cup of vinegar, some bitter melon, and a spicy pepper you’d managed to find.

“Okay let's start small” you grabbed the cup of vinegar, bringing it up to your lips almost like it was a shot. You squirmed as its sour taste crawled over your skin and burned your throat. It was gross, you couldn't deny that, but if somewhere in this world your soulmate was tasting it too, it was worth it.

Next, you picked up a slice of the bitter melon. You griminced as you fiddled with the food; its crunchy outside contrasting its soft, water-like inside. “In the name of revenge” you thought as you bit the nasty food. You held onto the table for support as you swallowed, breathing deeply to compose yourself. There was some sort of commotion happening some tables behind you, but you ignored it, assuming it was some group of idiots messing around.

Finally you reached the spicy pepper. You were actually less nervous about this one because, unlike your soulmate, you ate a variety of food, especially spicy food. You placed the peppers tip between your teeth, chomping down on the vegetable. You marveled at the crunch it made as you chewed, the heat already beginning to spread over your tongue and lips, causing an almost numbing sensation.

“What the hell is wrong with that bitch?!” someone yelled behind you. You turned to find the wind Hashira, his cheeks red and his tongue hanging outside of his mouth. “What's his problem?” you thought as you watched the angry man throw a fit. Your mouth  became dry as you noticed something on the floor; when Sanemi had stood up, he knocked his plate of food on the floor, balls of Ohangi scattered everywhere.

“Holy Shit, it's you” the words slipped  from your mouth before you could even stop them. Sanemi noticed your blant starring and growled “The fuck you looking at!”. You stood on quivering legs, gently picking up your cup of water as you walked to the infuriated man. He was almost frightening like this, eyes crazed and fuming, not to mention he was taller than you.

“Here you go, this should help with the spice” you lifted the cup as an offering, almost as an apology. He snached it without a word, downing the whole thing in a few hard gulps. He slammed the now empty cup on the table, breaking it. All eyes fell on you two, him staring at you murderously and you staring right back at him defiantly. “I will fucking kill you all” he threatened the room, causing everyone to go back to their meals. “Hey!” you yelled as he pulled you by your collar outside where there were less people, “You’re coming with me” his voice was low and tense.

Outside he released you, staring down at you “You must be the idiot that did that to me so what the hell’s your problem?” he crossed his arms over his chest, fully expecting an answer. “Excuse me I’m not an idiot, I’m your soulmate. And what the hell is YOUR problem, always eating Ohagi. The taste alone makes me want to gag!” you retorted.

“You shit-head! You did all this just because I eat Ohagi? Unbelievable”

“You know what I’ve had a long day and you already ruined my dinner, I’m leaving” you didn’t want to deal with his bullshit tonight, so you left. “Fuck this!” he yelled and walked in the opposite direction. His ears were red and his heart was racing, but it wasn’t from the spicy pepper.

That night, Sanemi couldn’t sleep. Every ounce of him hated to admit it, but you did things to him. He wasn’t stupid; he knows what it means when someone causes your heart to beat quickly. It was different from when he was in battle, you didn’t cause his heart to beat like that, but  instead you caused it to soar. Nobody has ever stood up to him like that, with such power and determination; it was hot.

The next day, you woke up staved. Leaving your room, you tried to get some food before there were too many people. Inside, you made your way to get food only to be stopped  by a rough hand. “Excuse me-” you started as you saw Sanemi standing in front of you, it was too early for his bullshit. “Here” he rushed, shoving a plate of food in your face. Surprisingly it held all your favorites, “I remember tasting this so I figured that's what you ate” he muttered, his face was turned away from yours but you knew he was blushing. You smiled, gratefully accepting the plate “Thank You”.

“Whatever” he turned to leave but you stopped him, pulling lightly on his haori. “I can’t eat all this food by myself you know” you said, silently urging him to stay. He thought for a second, would it be so bad? He decided it wouldn’t and sat down at the nearest table, he gestured for you to sit “Well?”. You couldn’t help but laugh at his abrasiveness, in a way, it was cute. He grabbed a stem of grapes off your plate, popping them into his mouth one by one.

You two sat there talking for a while, the room empty and food long gone. Sanemi knew it was unlike himself to be so complacent and open with another person, but you made him feel comfortable and at ease; it was nice. “You know you’ve really ruined Ohagi for me” you commented, the two of you needed to get going, you both had jobs to do after all. “Well you do know how soulmates get rid of their taste bud connection, right? He smirked. Your breath was caught in your throat as he moved closer to you, his arm gripped your waist  as he towered over you. “It happens when their tongues touch” he whispered teasingly. Warmth spreads over your cheeks and down your neck, your breathing sped up at this intimate position. Regaining your senses, you pushed his face away in embarrassment, “Sanemi you idiot!” you called walking away. Sanemi laughed as he knew you didn’t mean it. He also knew you two would meet again. After all, you hated the taste of Ohagi and he happened to have a strong craving for the both of you.

Main Masterlist

Idk why but the idea that there is a cafeteria in the demon slayers HQ is so funny to me, I had to include it. Anyways, I hope you all liked it, please read my other works if you did. Stay safe~Amanda

[ladybugsfanfics]

Seven Days [1/7]

→ Pairing: prince!Loki Odinson x pirate!reader 

(eventually prince!Loki x pirate!Steve Rogers x pirate!reader)

→ WC:  3.1k

→ Warnings: Smut, some blood gore, idk, awkwardness, nightmares, (countless) sexual innuendos

→ Summary: Prince Loki has run sick of not feeling welcome at the palace and asks to join you and your life forever. You give him seven days to try the new life, seven days to realize how much he loves you. And in those seven days, he learns to know you, and himself (and the first mate) a little better… In the end, he only has one question left to answer. Will he stay?

A/N: I’m so excited for this, and it’s finally here. This was originally a part of @nastybuckybarnes​ writing challenge but that ended in september so I think that ship’s sailed (still tagging you tho, i’m sorry). anyways, i hope you like it as much as i do ^_^

Series Masterlist | Masterlist

PROLOGUE

His cloak flutters as the wind brushes past him. It nips at his exposed skin and nearly drags off the hood covering his face. He wraps the cloak tighter around him, tells his rapidly beating heart he’s making the right decision. 

The night life of Asgard is full, he notes, as he walks into the market square. Most of the booths have closed shop for the evening, yet people walk in hushed whispers and loud yells across the cobblestones. Heels clank against the rough surface, his own along with everyone else’s. The air smells of booze and saltwater, of sweat and perfume. 

He walks past an open inn. Loud noises of music, games, and drinks clattering against each other in celebration fills the open streets. He rushes past, the inn being too close for someone not to recognize him. 

Moments later, the port welcomes him. The booths and a few inns exchanged with taverns and ships lining the docks. Seawater fills his nose as he grows closer. The sounds of earlier fades into the background to leave space for the louder noise of drunk sailors and maids having their fun. A smile tugs at his lips at the sound of the ocean splashing against the stones of the dock. 

A deep breath gives him the courage to walk past the numerous amounts of people around him. He avoids eye contact, keeping his head low as he weaves through the crowd. The wind tugs at his hood again. Trembling fingers pulls it back over his head. His heart beats faster, making its presence in his rib cage known. 

Finally, he sees it. 

In the dark of the night, the ebony wood that lines the ship mixes into the dark blue of the water. The masts rise into the air, sails wrapped around them waiting to be let loose and feel the wind push against them. His eyes scan the people, seeing a few walking the gangplank onto it. 

One person catches his eyes, standing at the helm. The shadow moves along the railing, looking out at the sea. Hair blows in the wind, creating the image of a captain ready to get back on the water. 

His breath hitches at the sight, and he moves his feet faster. Boots clank against the stones, a rhythm he doesn’t mean to make. He stops by the gangplank, waiting for the acceptance to be let on. 

You smile as you catch his eyes in the dark. Not the typical teasing smirk that usually spreads across your features when you meet. Not the happy one you sport when you tell him you love him. Not the sad one you have when you let him know it’s time to leave. 

No. 

This one is special. This smile lights up in your eyes, tells him to take those few steps aboard. Your smile is one he hasn’t seen before. It covers all your emotions. The happiness of him coming. The disappointment of him coming. The excitement for the coming seven days. 

He takes the last step onto the ship. His boot connects with the ships wood, making that one sound he has been dying to hear. Your hands are clasped behind your back. You stand straight and, despite the smile on your face, the authority reeks of you. 

He likes this new image he can see. 

He doesn’t regret it one bit that he asked the question. Seven days is what he has to prove that he can survive on a pirate ship. Seven days to prove that he does love you. Seven days to prove that, even if it’s hell on Earth, it’s hell on Earth with you and he wants to spend every moment in your presence. 

Seven days to prove himself worthy.  

 DAY ONE

Compared to what Loki is used to, everything about the little food he got tastes stale. He drowns the bread down with a glass of wine, and it still leaves his tongue dry and itchy. He’d gotten an old apple at the side, too. ( “A little something on me since it’s your first day,” was what the first mate had added when the man placed the apple next to him. He’d given him a tight, fake smile and patted his back a little hard.)

The apple tastes nothing like apples are supposed to. The usual juicy and sweet bite he expects is bitter, dry and soft. His first reaction would be to spit it out and demand another, but he can’t do that now. He swallows the bite, pinching his eyes shut at the sour taste, and takes a sip of wine to drown out what lingers on his tongue. 

And then he repeats the process until the whole apple, save the core, is gone. His shoulders slump and he takes the last of the wine in one big gulp, in a desperate attempt to completely rid of the dry aftertaste of the apple and the bread that remains in his mouth. 

“Easy there, bud,” says a voice behind him, “wouldn’t want you to down everything on the first day.” 

Loki turns his head. Behind him stands a male clad in a loose shirt and a pair of pants―no shoes. The man has unusually well-groomed, brown hair and a goatee. He smiles at Loki, a lopsided smile that doesn’t really tell Loki anything other than let him know this man might not be of that much importance. 

“I’m Tony,” he says, “most people ‘round here call me Stark.” 

“I’m Loki Odinson, the―” He cuts himself off before he says his title. Not only did he get on this ship to escape that life, it also holds no authority. Maybe he should have dropped the Odinson? It would be an easy connection. 

Tony nods. “I know, everyone knows. Welcome aboard Vicious Storm, prince. Don’t expect special treatment.” He smiles, or smirks? “Or, maybe you should?” 

“Stop bothering him, Stark.” Your voice drags Loki’s attention away from the man in front of him. You stop at Loki’s side, a small smile on your lips as you divert your gaze to Tony. The man does a salute, which has you roll your eyes. The smile stays, though. “Go do something useful.” 

“Will do,” replies Tony. He smirks as he walks down to the other end of the ship. 

Loki looks to you. “What’s in that direction?” 

You widen your eyes, as if you realised something. “Oh, you don’t know where things are yet.” You shake your head. “Down that end you find our surgeon, Dr. Strange. Would recommend saying hi to him every once in a while, though the man doesn’t talk too much with anyone but Stark.”

“Why?”

“Oh, you know, he doesn’t really want to be here.” You shrug. “But, that’s not why I’m here now. You done eating?” 

Loki nods. 

“Good.” You nod. “Come with me. Gonna introduce you to some people, though I hear you’ve already met Rogers?”

Loki makes a grimace at the sound of the first mate’s name. “It is not something I would like to repeat.”

You chuckle. “I’m not even sorry when I say that that’s gonna be hard.” You take Loki’s hand in yours, dragging him up from where he sits and with you out into the sunshine that bathes the main deck. 

You walk over to the end (it’s the rear since it has the wheel, right?―Loki notes to learn more about what things are called). In a huddle stands five people, talking and laughing with each other. You cough to get their attention and they all stand up straight.

“What the hell are you doing?” you ask, a frown coating your face as your gaze drags over the five people saluting you. 

The first mate relaxes, shooting you a smile (and winks at Loki). “You said to have manners. Ain’t this manners?” 

“This,” ―you gesture at the other four who all relax back into normal postures― “is not what I talked about.”

Rogers smiles. “Sorry, I tried my best.”

You roll your eyes, but an amused smile plays on your lips. Loki finds he rather likes the look in your eyes, only he wishes it wasn’t directed at the first mate―he tries to drown the sting in his heart at your playfulness with him, but he can’t deny the jealousy that comes with you being close to someone as good looking as Rogers. 

“Anyways,” says one of the other men, “why’d you ask us to meet you here?” The male is bald, with a dark complexion Loki hasn’t seen with many other’s of the crew. He noticed a few, but for the most part, there are crew with the same pale, white skin as he himself has.

“Yeah, I want to introduce you.” You nudge Loki a little closer to you and the group, hand still holding onto his. He’s grateful to rely on some of your strength. Being in a different environment than he’s used to makes for interesting jabs at his pride and confidence, jabs he hadn’t thought would come when he’d asked to join you. 

“Loki, this is Wilson. He’s our pilot.” Loki hides his surprise as the man holds out a hand for him to shake―the first one to do so in the little time he’d been aboard the ship. He takes the man’s hand, giving a curt nod to the smile the male sends him. “Bet you’ll get along, at least a little.”

The next person is a male with longer, brown hair that flows around his head and lands past his shoulders. Loki notes that one of his arms is metal, but he decides not to comment and makes a mental note to ask you later. “Barnes.” He doesn’t hold out his hand, but gives a nod which Loki returns. 

“Welcome aboard Vicious Storm, my prince.” The red-headed woman makes a mock-curtsy, looking up at him through her lashes with a bright smirk. The men around her snicker. Loki makes no reaction. 

You roll your eyes. “Mature, Nat, mature.” 

Nat stands up. She gives Loki a more genuine smile, which he returns with a tight-lipped one (that gives away his ‘poker’ face). “Call me anything but Romanoff and I’ll make sure you regret it.” 

Based on her tone, Loki believes her. “Noted.”

“Clint,” says the male next to Romanoff and holds out a hand for Loki to shake. The man, though with a slightly lighter brown shade, has the same styled hair as Tony. Clint also has a goatee, though less prominent. Loki takes the man’s hand and shakes it. He returns the grin Clint gives him, though a little hesitantly. “We’ll be best friends, promise.”

Loki glances at you, and you roll your eyes with a small smile. Of the four he’s been properly introduced to, he has to admit he likes Clint the best. 

And then he turns to the first mate, who eagerly holds out his hand for Loki to shake. “Steve Rogers,” he says, a wicked grin coating his (stupidly handsome) face―jawline covered with a full beard that suits him very well, and longer, blonde hair slicked back (he looks too well-groomed for a pirate). 

Loki, who was raised with manners, takes Rogers’s hand and shakes it. The pressure is slightly harder than Wilson’s and Clint’s, but surprisingly lighter than Loki expected. Rogers leans in, the wicked grin still on his lips. His breath is hot on Loki’s ear. “Please, call me Steve,” he whispers and pulls back. 

You and the four other people raise your brows at the first mate’s behaviour. Loki tries to steady his beating heart (to be honest, Steve gives him a ...weird and almost frightening vibe). 

“Okay,” you say, “that was… I don’t know what that was but I ain’t gon’ ask either an’ now we’re gon’ go before more happens.” You tug on Loki’s hand―the one that has been holding onto his this whole time it’s weird you haven’t pulled away by how clammy it has gotten―and Loki swallows the lump in his throat as he pulls his gaze away from Steve. 

As the two of you walk, Loki takes a glance back at the group. Steve looks after you and Loki, and the other four whisper with each other whilst looking at Steve―had that behaviour been that odd? Loki vows not to be alone with the first mate.

Ever. 

 ---

He’d noticed the smell when he’d first stepped on board the ship. The mixed stench of human sweat and rotting fish, an odor that gets a little better at the main deck where the breeze filled with the smell of sea can take away some of the vile one that hurts his nose. 

It’s first now, bored to death as he leans against the railing trying to tame his queasy stomach that he really notices it. Loki can’t say it helps very much to how he’s feeling. 

He swallows the little that makes its way up his throat, though quickly regrets it as it only heightens the feeling and he leans over to rid himself off it. His throat hurts as he uses his sleeve to wipe away the excess. 

“We’ve all been there, buddy.” Clint pats his back and nods. “Heck, most o’ us are still there. Does get a lil’ better, but everyone’s emptyin’ their guts every now and then.”

Loki swallows―something he quickly regrets―and rubs his temples. “I have to admit, when I asked I thought the worst part would be the blood and gore, not… sea sickness.”

Clint nods. “Trust me, thought so, too.” He gives Loki a tiny smile. “But instead o’ this, what’cha say to a round? Got some mates up there, bettin’ some good money. And I’ll give you somethin’ to wash that taste down with.”

“A round of what?” 

A mischievous glint lights up in Clint’s eyes. “A round o’ whatever.” He winks. “Won’t give up an opportunity to beat Rogers, now would you?”

Loki nods. “He’s playing?” 

Clint nods. 

“Well, lead the way.”

They make their way to the helm (Loki asked you what the back with the wheel is called, the answer; the helm). Where he got introduced to some of the crew earlier in the day, is now a group―bigger than the five he was introduced to―sitting in a ring. In the middle he sees a pair of dice. 

“Ey, look who decided to join.” The first mate smirks in Loki’s direction and makes room for him to sit down next to him. “Time to place our bets, gentlemen.” Steve winks at Loki and looks onto the crowd around him as Loki sits down in the space made for him.

Everyone holler out a number between five and nine. Loki keeps his mouth shut, not sure what they’re playing. Steve picks up the dice and rolls them, creating a total of seven. A few men groan and move out of the circle to stand and watch. 

The remaining men holler out another set of numbers. Steve rolls the dice again. Five. Two of the men move out of the circle. There are five men left, each holler out a number. Steve rolls; eight. Two men remain in the circle. They give each other a wicked grin, and yell out a new number. 

Steve rolls the dice. As they spin around on the deck, the silence is deafening. The wind brushes past Loki, nipping at his cheeks. It makes his hair flap around him, annoyingly slap his face. He tucks it away, eyes still glued to the dice that come still on the ebony wood of the deck. 

Nine.

Both men groan and glare at Steve, who shrugs with a smirk. “Hand it over, boys.” His voice is cocky, too arrogant for someone surrounded by a gang of annoyed pirates. But, Steve himself is a pirate. And the men pay up, putting down different sets of things in front of Steve. 

The first mate picks some of the things, putting them in his pockets and then pushes the rest of the heap into the center. “Play me for it?” 

Loki is well aware of the little glance the male gives his way, as if the question is directly meant for him. He nods as the men come back to form a new circle. Everyone hollers out a number. 

Steve rolls the dice. Eight. Loki keeps his place, though he suppresses the smirk he wants―so he doesn’t have that good a poker face, this is rather a game of luck. 

They holler out a new number. Steve rolls. The dice spins on the deck. Stop. Six. Loki can feel the tug of his lips as he lets his shoulders fall down. 

They six men seated in the circle holler out a new number. Steve throws the dice; eight. Loki can feel the glares stare daggers in his back; already heated by the scorching sun the glares only add to the feeling of finally being somewhere else. 

They’re three men left now. All three yell different numbers. Steve rolls the dice. One lands quickly at a four. The other spins, and spins, and spins. It loses momentum and Loki can see the number it’s going to land on; one. Subtly, he flicks his wrist, giving the little extra it needs to fall on the two he needs. 

All eyes land on him as he lets the smirk color his face. Steve shakes his head, though if Loki doesn’t see hallucinations he believes he saw the hint of an amused smile before the man went back to his rather teasing look. 

“Who won?” 

Loki perks up at the sound of your voice. 

“Your toy,” replies Steve, though nothing layers his voice as Loki would have thought. 

As he sorts through the pile of garbage they played about, Loki can feel you roll your eyes behind him. He smiles and, finding something of value, he leaves the heap and stands up. He turns to you raising a brow in his direction. 

“Having fun?” you ask.

Loki smiles. “I will be in a moment.” A little ‘ooooh’ goes through the crowd of men as he takes your hand and tugs you with him. Newfound energy can do a lot. 

Also, he would rather have you in his arms where he can trade the rotting stench he’d forgotten a little with your smell. He wishes to trade the sound of grown men groaning at losing a game designed for them to lose, to the sound of your voice hoarsely and breathlessly whispering his name. 

So far, he’d made the right decision. 

[adam-dumortains]

Something About You | MC x Beckett - Chapter One

Note: Hey everyone, this is my first fanfic and I’m pretty nervous because I haven’t really written in a few moths, and have never published anything choices related. The starting may be a bit slow because I’m trying to get into a rhythm. Idk. I hope you all enjoy it! I tagged the people who said they’d be interested in reading. 

@choices-ily @ludextruction @brightpinkpeppercorn (Also a huge thanks for helping me!), @queen-among-writers @danni-whatshername.

——————————————————————————————————

Troian Bellisario as Adaline Russell (MC)

Grant Gustin as Beckett Harrington

Adaline Russell and Beckett Harrington hated each other from the moment they met. Beckett was a snobby brat who thought he knew everything and Adaline was a stubborn and competitive enemy. Both out to outdo each other in both academics and snide remarks, they come to realise, that under all the tension and ‘hate’, that there is a lot more than meets the eye.

——————————————————————————————————

Adaline looked at her reflection in the mirror, observing her grey skirt and striped jumper. “I guess it’ll do.” She sighed as she brushed her blonde, straight locks. Playing with her hair was something she did often when she was nervous. As she set the brush down on the mahogany, messy desk filled with books and papers, she remembered had more important things on her mind. Only a few days ago had she come to the realisation that she possessed Magick at the mere age of eighteen and now she was at Penderghast, a University full of students who had probably had years of experience and were better than her. In her life before Magick and about to be life in Penderghast, she excelled in her academics. She always felt as if something was missing in her life and although she couldn’t quite put her finger on it, something within her ached for whatever the missing piece was and as a result, all her attention went onto her academics as a subconscious distraction. But here, she was wholly in over her head and she did not take to this lightly, she was used to being top of her class in mathematics, English and every other subject…but magick? She gulped the lump of nerves in her throat and grabbed her bag. Walking out her door, she smiled as she noticed her two new friends she had made recently – Shreyaand Zeph. Even though Adaline had only known them for a few days, she knew that they’d remain friends, for what she hoped, would be a long time.

“I’m starving. Wanna grab some breakfast before class?” Shreya asked, as she simultaneously clutched her stomach in an overdramatic manner. Zeph and Adaline laughed in response, nodding as Adaline checked the time her simple, gold watch. With a sure nod, they quickly made their way into the hall for breakfast. Even though her stomach yearned for food, Adaline could not find the will to eat. Her nerves had gotten the better than her and her subconscious had her twirling her spoon around in her cereal.

 “Adaline, hey!” A loud voice boomed over the noise from other students and cutlery clanking together. Adaline’s head shot up as she heard her name being called by a familiar voice, the voice of Griffin Langley. Griffin was someone Adaline had only met recently but admired. He was an outgoing, popular and genuinely nice person. Not to mention he had the face of a God. Griffin bounded over with a huge grin on his face, his grin becoming infectious to Adaline and smiled brightly in response.

 “Do you guys mind if I sit with you?” Griffin smiled at the three people before him and before Adaline could respond, Zeph had already chirped in. 

“Totally! You can sit with us.” Shreya and Adaline tried to mask their giggle at the overexcitement that Zeph was publicly showing over the fact someone as popular as Griffin wanted to sit with them, without a single care in the world that everyone at that table knew it. Griffin took a seat next to Adaline and raised an eyebrow at her. “So, have you taken any thought to joining the Thief team?” Griffin asked as he turned to look at her as Zeph and Shreya’s attention turned from the food they were eating to the conversation. 

“Actually, I am intrigued about it. But I want to try and get settled into this place first.” 

“I get it. Trials don’t start for another two weeks, so let me know if you’re interested. I think you’d be great! Anyway, I should really get to class. See ya later, Adaline!” And with that, he was gone. Adaline watched him leave, thinking about the thief games as he sat back down at the table which Adaline could only guess was filled with Thief players. Was it really something she was interested in? How on earth could she even play if she barely knows magick?

 “Adaline! He was totally into you!” A smirk appeared on Shreya’s lips as she continued, “And he’s hot.” Shreya was met with a scoff from Adaline as she shook her head quickly. That was impossible. A guy like Griffin even looking her way? Sure, Adaline had dabbled I’m dating before, but it was the last thing on her mind.

 “Oh, be quiet. He’s just being friendly.”

 “Suuuure.”

“Anyway, I think we should go to class.” was the only excuse that Adaline could conjure up to get out of that conversation. Her mind was elsewhere as she picked up her back and pushed her seat back to leave until her chair stopped with a bump and she was unable to move. She looked up and saw a boy scowling at her.

 “Do you mind? Some of us have classes to get to and would rather not be hit by a chair.” The boy scowled at Adaline once more and looked at her as though she was an idiot.

 “It was an accident, no need to be an asshole.” The boy’s eyes widened at the cursing before his expression turned back to sour as he stormed off. Adaline turned to face her friends, her mouth agape in a feeling of confusion and anger at the arrogance of a boy she did not even know.

“What the hell was that guy’s problem?! The sourness in his face made it look like he had a damn lemon in his mouth!”

 “That’s Beckett Harrington. He’s always been like that. His head is never out of a book and he doesn’t have time for anyone. He’s always been a brat. Ignore him.” shrugged Shreya, with Zeph next to her, who gave a nod in agreement to Shreya. Shaking her head, Adaline picked up her bag again and looked over her shoulder to make sure she didn’t make the same mistake twice with anyone else, she did not want to make two enemies on her first official day. All three made their journey to their first class, Spellwork, whilst Adaline was still seething at how much of an asshole this Beckett Harrington had been. She needed to cool down.

 “Hey guys, I’m just going to head to the bathroom. I’ll meet you in class.” Adaline smiled gently, hoping that the shape her lips took would deceive Shreya and Zeph into believing she wasn’t a total nervous wreck

“Don’t be late!” Zeph laughed as him and Shreya walked away, chatting excitedly arm in arm. 

Adaline walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror, giving herself a pep talk. ‘You’ve got this… everything will be fine.’ She turned on the tap slowly and watched the rush of cold, refreshing water reach her hands, hoping that her concentration on the water would calm at least some of her anxiety. Alas, it was hopeless. As Adaline opened the door to Spellwork, she stopped in her tracks as her friends mimed their apologies to her, a look of sheer sympathy on their faces as they pointed towards the front of the class. There was only one space left.

 And that seat was next to Beckett Harrington.

[purrincess-chat]

A Merman’s Heart CH 2

Here is the next chapter of MeriChat May! This one is technically day 7, so I hope you all enjoy it! It’s like 4k, idk how that happened.

Read on AO3

Chapter 2

Gentle light streamed in from the window carrying the early morning caws of birds when Marinette awoke the next morning. She sat up in her bed with a yawn, running a hand through her hair and throwing off her blanket as she stood up. Groggily, she made her way to the bathroom, freezing in the doorway when she laid eyes on the giant fish creature in her tub, staring at the wall with a bored expression.

Oh. Right.

She’d forgotten that she’d brought home a fearsome sea creature last night, or perhaps part of her had thought it was all a dream. In fact, she wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t still dreaming, but when the creature fixed his gaze on her, she felt her spine stiffen in a way that felt all too real. They held each other’s gaze for a few moments before she finally cleared her throat.

“I see you didn’t eat me in my sleep last night,” She said, awkwardly rubbing her arm.

“I’ve barely any strength to move let alone hoist myself out of this contraption and crawl across your floor,” He replied dryly. He seemed to have enough energy to sass her, so she supposed that her rough patching of his wounds had helped a little bit.

“I should change your bandages before I leave for work,” She offered, moving to retrieve her supplies from under the sink again.

She took his silence as permission to proceed, so she carefully cut away his bandaging and tossed it in her trashcan. He watched her every movement just as he had the night before, and she felt her skin prick a little as if he were constantly debating whether or not to kill her. She supposed it wouldn’t behoove him anything to kill her just yet, so she finished patching up his wounds again and put away her supplies.

“Human girl?” He tugged her shorts as she stood to wash her hands.

“I have a name, you know,” She said curtly, and he cocked his head to the side a little, eyebrows furrowing. Why did it matter to her? Wouldn’t it be better if he didn’t know her name?

“A name?” He asked with a puzzled purse to his lips.

“Never mind.” She shook her head. “What is it?”

“I’m thirsty,” He said with a wince.

“Merpeople get thirsty?” She cocked her head to the side with a laugh.

“We spend all day in the water constantly hydrating ourselves. I’ve been drying out in this bin all night. My skin is going to start cracking soon.” He said matter-of-factly, holding up a scaly arm for emphasis.

“Okay, I’ll get you some water.” She quickly paced into the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water for him, and upon her return, his eyes narrowed skeptically. “What?”

“Is that all?” He asked, cocking a brow. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“What?” She held out her arms in exasperation. “You asked for water, and I brought you some.”

“Some? This is merely a single gulp,” He hissed. “How do your people think that such a small amount is acceptable?”

“Because this is a normal amount of water for my people.” She shot back, placing a hand on her hip. “And if you wanted more, you could have just asked nicely.”

“My apologies if I have little interest in showing any inclination of benevolence toward you humans considering you’re the ones who got me into this predicament in the first place!” He shouted, baring his teeth, and she took a step back, eyes burning, before storming out of the room.

She waddled back in a moment later, carrying a bucket full of fresh water and set it on the stool next to the tub with a huff, placing her hands on her hips. “Is that enough water for you?”

“It’s a much more suitable container for my needs, yes, but I’ll still need it refilled regularly if-”

“Refill it yourself. Turn the knob on the faucet and water will come out,” She ordered, pointing. “I have to go to work.”

“Work?” He asked, lifting the bucket into his lap carefully before tipping it back and chugging noisily.

“It’s a human thing, you wouldn’t understand,” She said before stalking from the room and slamming the door behind her.

The sooner she rid herself of this stupid merman the better. Who did he think he was ordering her around and raising his voice? He should be kissing her feet for saving him. She had half a mind to grab him by the tail and drag him back down to shore if she didn’t fear being spotted by someone from the village. Mercreatures weren’t fearsome at all, but they were rather needy.

When she arrived at work, she still wore a sour expression that didn’t go unnoticed by her friend and colleague, Caline, and she spared no time in figuring out why.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so vexed, Marinette,” She said with a giggle. “Would it have anything to do with why you’re so much later today than usual?”

“Yeah, sorry I sort of had a rough morning. It’s, uh, that time, ya know?” Marinette replied, plastering on a smile. “I’ll be fine. That is, if another woman doesn’t come in today and complain that her dress isn’t pink enough or that the hem is too long even though we told her it was when we measured it, but she insisted that we leave it long because she’s still ‘growing.’”

Caline cupped a hand over her mouth to suppress her laugh, pinching Marinette’s side with the other. “You are in a mood today. Try to keep those hormones of yours in check, and I’ve got some painkillers from the pharmacy if you get cramps.”

“Thanks. I’ll let you know.” She flashed an insincere smile, but Caline accepted it jovially.

As her luck often seemed to entail, many of their problem customers visited that day, and around noon, Marinette requested one of those painkillers for her pounding headache. If only she had the promise of a relaxing evening at home, but she had that creature to deal with once she was finished for the day. Hopefully he’d have a better attitude when she got home, or so help her she’d make him wish she’d left him on that rock to die.

“A few of us are going out for drinks tonight, would you like to come?” Caline offered at the end of the day as they swept up loose bits of thread and fabric.

“Oh, I better not. I’m just not feeling the best. These, uh, cramps are really kicking my butt,” She fibbed, rubbing the back of her neck, although a drink sounded great right about now. “I think I’m just going to go home and have some tea.”

“That’s a pity, but we can go again next week when you’re feeling better.” She shrugged it off, and Marinette nodded with a fake smile.

“Yeah, sounds great.”

She felt a little bad being so disingenuous with Caline, but it’s not like she could really tell her what was on her mind. The whole village would be at her doorstep with torches and pitchforks on the hour, and it wouldn’t just be her bathtub creature’s hide they were after. As much as she hated to admit it, she was in too deep to turn back now. If she was lucky, merpeople would have some advanced healing powers, and she could dump him in a few days and never have to see him again.

Despite wanting to desperately, Marinette forwent her usual stroll along the beach, somehow not finding the same solace in it as she usually did, instead opting to rush straight home. Being around other people kept her on edge, and she’d be glad once this whole ordeal was over. Her stupid mercreature was right where she left him, turning a bar of soap over in his hands curiously, and he looked up when she entered the room.

“You were gone all day,” He stated with a wince. “Were you so angry with me this morning that you spent the whole day away hoping that I would die of starvation?”

“Sure, something like that,” She retorted with a grunt. “I’m going to make dinner. Would his royal pain like something?”

“Human flesh would be delightful,” He said with a mocking smirk, leaning his elbow against the side of the tub, but after a cutting glare from Marinette, he averted his gaze and pursed his lips. “Sorry, I was just trying to lighten the mood.”

“Well, it didn’t work,” She said coldly, turning abruptly and sulking to the kitchen.

She sighed, gripping the fridge handle tightly as she forced her shoulders to relax. Perhaps things were just different for merpeople, and she should try to be a little more patient. It didn’t mean she had to like it, but he seemed perplexed by her annoyance. If she was going to do anything to that fish, she was going to teach him some manners.

Once she got the stew going, she flopped onto her sofa with a groan. Why did she have to be so nice? All day she’d been hot under her collar about this stupid creature, and now she was cooking him dinner. She could have easily picked up a fish or something for him from the market, but she’d been too angry at the time to consider it. Did merpeople even like stew? She supposed he wasn’t going to have much of a choice. He could eat it or starve, and that was how she was going to demand her respect. If he dared to raise his voice at her again, she’d toss him over the edge of the cliff and be done with him.

She glanced at the door and sighed. If she was going to be stuck with him for several days, she supposed she should at least try to reason with him, especially since she’d have to change his gauze after dinner. Taking care of him had better earn her some good karma points with the merpeople.

Once the stew was ready, she fixed two bowls and finally opened the door to the bathroom once more, and he fixed his gaze on her the moment she entered. She ignored him as she set up her tea table and placed the bowls on top, pulling up the stool and taking a seat before even bothering to look at him.

“What’s this?” He asked, peeking over the side of the tub and sniffing the air curiously.

“A peace offering,” She said, folding her arms over her chest, and his nose wrinkled in disgust.

“I will accept your peace but not your offering,” He said, leaning back in the tub, and she felt her annoyance flaring up again.

“Well, you can either eat it or starve to death. I don’t particularly care which one you choose,” She stated flatly, taking a hearty bite, and he remained quiet in the tub. “Ya know, when someone saves your life, most people are grateful.”

“My apologies if I’m uncertain of whether to be grateful to you or afraid of you,” He mumbled, and she crossed her legs, leaning over the edge of the tub to cock a brow at him.

“You’re afraid of me?” She scoffed in disbelief. “One of the most fearsome creatures of the sea is afraid of a human girl?”

“My whole life I’ve heard stories about you humans, what terrible, heartless monsters you were with your sharpened metal blades that cut through our skin like we’re made of sand. I’ve heard the tales of encounters with human fishers and seen the scars your kind leave on us,” He said, staring off with a distant gaze. “Ever since you brought me here, I’ve stared at these walls and pondered for what purpose you choose to keep me alive, but I can’t understand it.”

“That makes two of us,” She said, pressing her lips into a firm line. “We have stories of our own about the mers. Bloodthirsty, man-eating beasts that lure you with their hypnotic songs and promises of riches untold only to devour you the moment you get close.”

“Is that what you think of me?” He asked, flicking his gaze back to her.

“I don’t know what to think of you. One moment you’re so obedient then another you’re the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. And other moments, I want to beat you over the head with a metal pipe for being a smart ass.” She smirked, and he shifted to rest his arms on the edge of the tub.

“My people do what they must to survive, and when I look at you, I’m uncertain whether or not to trust you or to fight you for my life. Some moments you are so kind and gentle, but others you have such a fire in your eyes that I can’t help but think you’re going to leave me to die.” He said softly. “You truly don’t realize how powerless I am here, do you?”

She searched his expression, detecting no obvious hints of insincerity or deceit and shifted her gaze back to her lap, biting her lip.

“I promise not to hurt you, but…” She reached for his bowl and scooped up a spoonful. “You can’t be condescending to me for not knowing the intricacies of merpeople’s bodily needs.”

“How am I to know you haven’t poisoned it?” He asked, eyeing it suspiciously.

“How am I to know everything you just told me isn’t all a lie fabricated to make me sympathize with you so you can eat my face?” She cocked a brow, and a smirk curled on his lips.

“I suppose we will just have to trust each other then.” He leaned forward, opening his mouth to accept her spoonful of stew, chewing it intently for a moment before licking his lips in delight. “I’ve never tasted something like this before. It’s delicious! What is it called?”

“Stew,” She replied with a laugh, handing him the bowl which he immediately pressed to his lips and began to slurp noisily.

“Can I ask you something, human girl?” He requested once he’d finished, licking the traces from his lips.

“What?” She asked around a mouthful.

“What is your name?” She paused mid-chew to meet his curious gaze, eyebrows furrowing.

“My name?” She clarified, and he nodded.

“You mentioned earlier that you have one. Do all humans have names?” He gripped the edge of the tub, resting his chin on it with inquisitive eyes.

“Well, yes, all humans have names. It’s something that you are given at birth that everyone calls you. There are a lot of ‘human girls’ in the world, so we go by names to tell each other apart. Don’t merpeople have names?” She folded her arms over her chest, and he shrugged.

“Not really, at least, not the ones I’ve met,” He said, and her eyebrows raised in surprise. “It’s not like we cohabitate like you humans do. Some of the friendlier mer breeds form hunting groups, but most of my kind tend to live on our own.”

“What do you mean your kind?” She asked, resting her chin on her fists.

Chat rolled his eyes. “Other mers like me. Our species as you humans might call it.”

“So, there are different species of mermaids?” Her eyebrows furrowed, and he pursed his lips pensively.

“Of sorts. Not all mers sing songs to hypnotize people. Not all mers sing. Not all mers eat humans, in fact there’s only a select few that do. Most of us find your meat too gamey and fattening.” His nose wrinkled in disgust. “In fact, most of us are quite personable when we’re not being massacred on the spot.”

“So what do merpeople eat then?” She asked, and he simply shrugged.

“Other fish mostly. Crabs, mollusks, occasionally water fowl if we can catch them.” He listed, tapping his claws on the tub. “It’s an unfair generalization that just because a few mers attacked a ship once that the rest of us have to bear the name of man-eater. That the gentlest among us get branded as killers and are met with brute force any time they show their faces above the surface.”

Something in his expression made him seem so subdued and small. Not at all the terrifying monster she’d initially thought. It seems that there was a lot that humans didn’t know about the merpeople, and Marinette couldn’t help but wonder that if people knew the truth if they’d think differently about the mers. She couldn’t imagine how she’d feel if she were captured by a mer just as she had captured him. Would she be perfectly amiable, or would she put up a fuss just like he did? He really did have to trust her with his life, a creature he’d grown up learning to fear, and suddenly he seemed so fragile and harmless.

Marinette opened her mouth to speak, but a knock sounded on the front door. It took her a moment to process it, but when she did, her blood ran cold. Who could be here at this hour? Had someone seen her dragging him inside last night? Was the village here to take her away?

“Don’t make a sound in here. Do you understand me?” She gave him a serious look, and he nodded, shrinking a little.

She grabbed her bowl and raced from the room, pulling the door shut behind her before taking a breath and making her way to the front door. To her surprise, Caline stood outside, a cheerful smile curling on her lips the moment Marinette opened the door.

“Hey, Marinette!” She greeted, pulling her in for a tight hug.

“Caline, what are you doing here?” Marinette asked, patting her back awkwardly until she released.

“Well, you left your sweater at work, so I told myself I’d bring it by after drinks to come see how you’re doing. You really missed a good time tonight. Are your cramps any better?” Marinette pulled the door close to herself to conceal the rest of her home and smiled nervously.

“Oh, silly me. I was just in such a hurry to get home and rest, and I’m feeling much better, so you don’t have to worry. Thanks for bringing my sweater, and I’ll see you at work!” She said quickly, taking the garment and shooing Caline away.

“Marinette, I know you’re a little crabbier because it’s that time of the month, but I’m not leaving until we have at least a cup of tea together.” Her friend folded her arms over her chest stubbornly, and Marinette cast a nervous glance at her bathroom door and sighed. She knew that it would only raise suspicion if she sent her away, so reluctantly, she opened the door and gestured her in.

“Mmm, that smells good. Can I have some?” She asked, taking a deep breath.

“Uh, sure, but just so you know the toilet doesn’t work in the bathroom, so, uh, I hope you don’t have to go,” She said quickly as Caline plopped on the couch happily with a bowl.

“That must be rough. Your toilet is broken when you’re cycling. No wonder you were so irritated at work this morning.” She winced sympathetically. “Have you called to get it fixed?”

“Oh, yes, they should be coming tomorrow, don’t worry.” Marinette waved it away, setting a pot of water on to boil. “So what mischief did I miss this time?”

Caline perked up, a scandalous grin spreading across her cheeks. “Well, there was this funny little bard playing outside, right-”

Marinette feigned engagement, nodding at appropriate times and applying proper use of interested facial expressions in accordance with her tone, but the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood on end the whole time as every sense not dedicated to convincing Caline that she was interested in this story focused on the bathroom door. Her merman was doing well to keep quiet this long, but she couldn’t help but feel like it was only a matter of time before he slipped up. The screech of the tea pot, snapped her back to reality, and she stood up swiftly to retrieve it from the stove.

“-and that’s when I stole a kiss from a royal guardsman.” Caline was chuckling, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Wow, what a story. I really missed out,” She said, snapping her fingers. “Maybe next time.”

Caline accepted her cup, taking a small sip before an impish expression took over her face. “I don’t understand how you can live all the way out here. Don’t you get lonely?”

“It’s not so far from town,” Marinette said defensively, rubbing her arm. “Besides, I think the sound of the waves is relaxing at night.”

“Aren’t you worried about…mermaids,” She whispered the word, glancing around nervously as if she expected one to pop out at any moment, which, given the current circumstances, wasn’t so farfetched. “Have you ever seen one?”

“Caline, aren’t you a bit old to believe in silly old ghost stories?” Marinette gave her a chiding look. “None of it is true.”

“If you say so.” Caline deflated a little then almost as quickly perked back up. “So, did you hear the castle hired a new medic? They say his work is ingenious, and I’ve heard he’s kind of cute.”

“No, I hadn’t heard that.” Marinette tapped her fingers on her cup impatiently as Caline dove head-first into another long story.

She loved Caline. Really, she did, but now wasn’t the time for kingdom gossip. If she found out that there was a merman in her bathtub, Marinette really doubted that she’d be so understanding. Unfortunately, Marinette knew the only way to get rid of her was just to let her wear herself out talking, so Marinette continued to feign interest for what felt like an eternity until Caline was finally satisfied.

“Well, it’s getting late. I should head home. Don’t want any mermaids to lure me away.” She gave Marinette a teasing grin, pulling her in for another tight hug. “It’s nice to catch up with you. Sometimes I feel like we don’t always get time at work.”

“Not with Mme. Sancoeur breathing down our necks we don’t,” Marinette said with a grunt. “That woman has no heart.”

“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true. She just takes a lot of pride in the work we do for others. Many of our nobles attend balls at the palace, and it reflects poorly on us if they show up with uneven hemlines.” She waved it away, and Marinette had to admire her optimism.

“Perhaps you’re right. Maybe there is a heart in there somewhere. Deep down.” She patted Caline’s shoulder and opened the door.

“We’ll have to do this again sometime,” Caline said as she paced out onto the porch.

“Yeah, totally. Come back again soon!” She grinned as her friend made her way up the path back to the main road. “Just not too soon.”

Slamming the door shut and locking it, Marinette hurried back to the bathroom to find Chat reclined in the tub, staring at the ceiling. He sat up as she crouched next to the tub and dug out her first aid supplies again, remaining quiet as she began the procedure of redressing his wounds.

“Your friend talks a lot,” He remarked after a while, and Marinette let out a grunt.

“That’s an understatement,” She said, letting a breath pass through her lips.

“I think she sounds pretty cute.” He grinned, and Marinette chose that moment to spritz him with antiseptic, prompting him to hiss in pain. “What kind of torture device is that stuff?”

“It kills off germs that cause infection. Very necessary.” She stated with a satisfied smirk, feeling more annoyed by his comments than she should.

“I think you just like to cause me pain,” He grumbled as she tied off his bandages and pulled the plug on the tub to drain it.

“Only when you’re annoying me.” She flicked on the faucet and filled his drinking bucket and set it on the stool next to the tub before stopping the drain again.

“You humans have no sense of humor,” He sighed, leaning his head back again, and Marinette twisted the knob as soon as the water filled enough to cover his tail.

“Well, once again, you’re welcome for saving your life, and good night.” She stood up abruptly and headed for the door.

“Wait!” He called, holding out an arm, and she paused in the doorway to glance over her shoulder. “You never told me your name.”

She tapped her nail on the wood and pursed her lips, debating it a moment before replying. “It’s Marinette.”

“Marinette,” He said each syllable slowly. “Good night, Marinette.”

“Yeah,” She said softly, biting her lip. “Good night.”

[choisgirls]

This is my first time requesting a headcannon from anyone! ((I'm asking you guys because I love how you guys write, it's amazing!)) I was wondering if you could do a RFA + V + Saeran reaction to MC accidentally taking a drug thinking it's candy? ((You don't have to do this if it's too weird or something!! I'm sorry!! ;-; I'm so embarrassed lol))

A/N: Me?? the first??? i am hoNOURED ;u; HHHNNNNN I HOPE THIS ISOKAY SORRY I STRAYED FROM THE “THINKING ITS CANDY” PART SOMETIMES;;;;~Admin 404

 Me @ Saerans: im sorry no im not

 Idk if this is a TW or anything but… drug mention warning??Right here??

*YOOSUNG:

               -Yo he goesto /college/. /COLLEGE PARTIES MY FRIENDS./

               -He doesn’tnormally go but friends invited him, and he invited you! Totally wasn’t becausehe wanted to show you off to people??? No????

               -But youseemed a little more comfortable at these things than he did, you evendisappeared for a little while

               -He spentalmost an hour trying to find you amongst the sea of people, and when he didfind you, you seemed confused, dazed, and just completely out of it

               -Tried askingyou what was wrong and all you could do was stare at him with your eyes glossedover for a solid minute before you reacted to him actually being there

               -When youmade sense of his presence, you smiled and welcomed him very slowly beforesticking your tongue out to touch it

               -“Yoosung,is my tongue big? Is it.. big.. oh my god its growing. What if it won’t fit inmy mouth anymore?? YooSUNG WHaT WiLL I Do?!”

               -You nolonger had volume control over your voice and he is very concerned. One secondyou’re yelling, the next you’re whispering. What was wrong with you?? You werestarting to scare him;;

               -It took asolid 5 minutes for you to explain to him that someone had offered you somechocolate and you never turned down chocolate! But he remembered hearingsomeone say something about “edibles”.. is.. is that what it was? Didyou mistakenly take drugs?! Why weren’t you more careful?!

               -Strugglesto carry you home- arm thrown around his shoulder as his arms around your hip,the two of you have to stop every now and again because you’re contemplatingeverything around you. Once he’s got you home, he immediately tucks you into bed.Of course he went to the group chat to figure out what he should do, andSaeyoung told him to just make sure you slept it off.

               -In themorning he lectured you that you can’t take chocolate from people you don’tknow!! Especially if it doesn’t smell right- what in the world made you thinkit was safe;; Also, now refuses invites to parties because he doesn’t want totake you to another one and have this happen again

*ZEN:

               -HE WAS INA MOTORCYCLE GANG YOU CAN PRY THE THOUGHT THAT HE’S NEVER DONE DRUGS OUT OF MYCOLD DEAD HANDS

               -Whenstored correctly in an airtight baggy or pill bottle in the correct conditions,it’s possible to preserve ecstasy pills for /years/ at a time.

               -Cue springcleaning when the two of you are going through old boxes and clothing and youfind this small bag full of smiley face shaped things. They looked like shapedsweettarts and those are the type of candies that you eat when you find them,you never go out of your way to get them yourself, so you thought why not.Though it wasn’t sour, it was just really bitter and nasty and there was no wayyou were going to eat another one

               -But whenZen came in to check on you after finishing his own portion of cleaning, hefound you chewing the fabric of your shirt. Why were you chewing your shirt?Were you hungry? Were you focusing? Did you need him to get you some gum???Stop doing that!!!!

               -When younoticed him come into the room, your face immediately lit up. You gave him thebiggest smile you could manage, and you started to welcome him into the room.But welcoming him turned into talking about his clothes. Talking about hisclothes led to talking to him about the room. Talking about the room led totalking about him. And talking about him led to a 10 minute long ramble thatconsisted of repeating “I love you so much” and telling him howgorgeous he was.

               -Of course,that was a favourite topic amongst the two of you normally, but you justseemed… off this time. You seemed… /too/ excited to talk about him. Too inlove. Too…. happy

               -He satdown in front of you to take a good look at your eyes and read your actions.You smiled at him all over again and the very second you touched his face he/knew/ what had happened.

               -“WHEREDID YOU GET THAT. MC. RIGHT NOW. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT.” “Zenny~ Getwhat? Why are you yelling? Oh! Are we cheering? I can cheer! YAY ZEN YA-”“No no, sweetheart, sit down, please.”

               -After fightingto get you to show him what you took, he was mortified. E-ecstasy? Where didyou get that? It was his? When did he have this? HOW LONG AGO DID HE CLEAN OUTHIS CLOSET?

               -He got youa styrofoam cup full of water, he knew at some point you were going to bethirsty, /and/ need to chew on something. He didn’t want you to chew on yourclothes anymore, nor did he want you to accidently bite your tongue;;

               -For oncehe’s silent the rest of the day, making sure you’ve got something to chew on,listening to you ramble on and on about how nice the house is and how amazingyou thought he was. Definitely made sure to get rid of that baggy… and gothrough a few other boxes from him gang days to make sure there was nothingelse in there. Definitely lectures you on eating things you randomly find inold boxes among other things;

*JAEHEE:

               -MC who inthe world thinks accepting any sort of offer in a bathroom is okay??

               -You getoffered some chocolate in the bathroom, most people would immediately decline.Who.. who accepts that? MC? Why?

               -Younoticed it tasted a little gross but you didn’t want to be rude and spit it outin front of the people offering it to you, so you finished the piece and madeyour way back to the dinner table where Jaehee was waiting.

               -She was alittle concerned when she could smell the drug, but she didn’t think you didanything of the sort, and chalked it up to be someone near your table.

               -However,once your eyes started to turn a little red and glazed over, she decided thatyou must have truly taken the drug, and paid the bill as quickly as possible soshe could get you home.

               -On thewalk home was when it really kicked in. You kept telling her how soft her handswere, because you couldn’t remember that you had just told her the exact samething, word for word.

               -Youstumbled a little when you walked and kept trying to sit in the middle of thesidewalk because your legs felt like jelly.

               -At onepoint you started to cry because you weren’t sure why in the world anyone woulddrop their half eaten pretzel on the ground and leave it there, where evenbirds couldn’t reach it to eat. She couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculousyou sounded, though she was still extremely angry that you had taken drugs onyour date??

               -Once shegot you home and you sat down, she watched as your head would dip down beforeyou snapped it right back up to look at her. Apparently you kept blacking outin the matter of seconds before you woke back up and she wanted you to just laydown and sleep.

               -Figured itcouldn’t hurt to ask you just what happened back at the restaurant. You toldher about the people in the bathroom who offered you some of their chocolateand you kept giggling because you couldn’t believe someone would be nice enoughto just offer some chocolate to a stranger in the bathroom. That’s when itclicked that you had no idea what was hiding within the sweet.

               -Made yousleep it off the rest of the night. You better believe you’re getting one ofthe biggest, emotion-filled lectures of your life the moment you wake upbecause she needs to tell you about the dangers of just blindly taking ANYTHINGfrom strangers??? And she also had to explain to you what you had even done?And what was in the chocolate you decided to eat. Momma Jaehee, scolding you2kforever.

*JUMIN:

               -Being hiss/o can be dangerous and let me explain why for just a second

               -Of course,being the s/o of someone as popular (and handsome.. and rich… and powerful..)as Jumin Han, there is not only a lot of attention thrown your way, but there’salways someone who gets jealous (whether of you or of him)

               -So, youalways have to be on your toes because you never know what might happen, orwhat someone might do to you. Of course you have bodyguards but sometimes theycan slip up as well.

               -Like, notnoticing that someone had slipped something into your drink?

               -Normally,Jumin watches you and your surroundings like a hawk because he’s alwaysconcerned for you, but this time even he was distracted talking business with apotential new client and didn’t see it happen.

               -Luckilyfor the two of you, you had left the party early to head home, but on the waythere, whatever you had drank started to kick in.

               -Your legsgave out right before you passed the doorway and he caught you just in time.Completely distraught, and carried you quickly to the couch. Tried to ask youwhat was wrong, but you couldn’t get the words out of your mouth, all it endedup sounding like was one large mumble. You seemed to struggle to move yourlimbs until you couldn’t anymore.

               -Immediatelycalled a doctor to make a house visit. He didn’t care how late it was, he’d paywhatever he had to, so long as he could find out what was happening to you. Andafter the doctors analysis, it was obvious that someone had tried to slip you aRohypnol without you realizing it, and he was glad he brought you home beforeanything else had happened.

               -Not only doeshe increase his security in general, but he assigns a specific body guard towatch your drinks the next time the two of you went out as well as one to stayclose by you at all times at said parties.

               -Stays nextto you the whole time, never sleeping until you’re able to come to. He blameshimself the whole time and cannot help but think of every possible scenariothat could have happened to you that night. He knows it isn’t your fault, buthe’s still just so worried about you. He’s never been more stressed.

               -Hepromises to take care of you better from then on. He would never let anyonehurt you again, no matter what it took. The two of you have to hold each otherin reassurance (obviously whenever you’re feeling alright and are okay with it,he understands that it’s a scary occurrence and realizes it’s quite possiblefor you to be jumpy and not want to be touched for a large amount of timeafterwards)

*SAEYOUNG:

               -You can’ttell me he doesn’t have various drugs he uses as weapons on missions, you justcan’t.

               -He tellsyou to stay out of the room where he keeps his equipment, but do you listen?Yeah usually

               -But youfelt bad that Vanderwood was the one who always had to clean everything, so youdecided you would help out and clean a few rooms! His equipment room being oneof them.

               -Now,Saeyoung is known to leave food around. Everywhere. And I mean, any type offood as well. Half empty chip bags, week old slices of pizza, a slice oflasagna you made three weeks ago- that’s disgusting Saeyoung.

               -So comingacross something that looks almost candy like isn’t really uncommon in yourhousehold. Though, whatever you just picked up and decided to throw in yourmouth was not… your best decision.

               -A whilelater, you managed to stumble into the room where Saeyoung was sitting, typingaway at his computer. You kept trying to talk but all your words stumbled andyou couldn’t think straight. You kept stumbling and felt your knees gettingweak. He looked over right as you fell to the ground and he’s never run over toyou faster in his life

               -Soconcerned, he kept asking what was wrong and watched you try to talk, but notonly was your mouth unable to move, your body went limp. He recognized thesymptoms immediately and called out to Vanderwood to come help the two of you

               -He laidyou in bed and got you some water and just tried to get you to sleep- there wasno other way to get it out of your system but wait it out

               -Vanderwoodcame in with a judgmental look on their face, “Did they really just takesome random thing they found? Why do you have these lying around, Seven?”

               -When youfinally came to, he was so relieved and was constantly apologizing before aswitch flipped and he started to scold you. What would possess you to just..eat something you found? What do you mean it looked like candy? He doesn’tleave food around! Okay.. yes he does.. but really, MC! Why were you in hisequipment room? W-why were you turning this around on him? He has that Rohypnolfor missions! You could just ask Vanderwood!

               -Vanderwoodadmits to slipping them to Seven sometimes when they’re done dealing with him,how rude.

*JIHYUN:

               -‘Jihyunwould never do drugs!’ -you, probably, at me. Me, at you, dear reader: ‘Rip thethought of it out of my cold, dead hands’

               -Sometimeshe just has to calm down, the poor dude has dealt with so much shit and justneeds a little help to clear his mind and the tobacco pipe just doesn’t alwayshelp.

               -Surprisinglylikes sour candy! So he gets some infused sour peach rings and they’re hisfavourites.

               -But heneglected to tell you that they were infused?? And that you probably shouldn’teat them?? Nor should you eat more than a few…

               -So when hecame home to find you laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, trying tocount how many times the fan spun around, he figured pretty quickly that youhad gotten into his candy and he sighed

               -He laiddown next to you on the ground, watching the fan as well while he asked youwhat you had eaten to confirm his suspicions. When you told him you had somepeach rings, he couldn’t stop the soft laugh that came out afterwards

               -Totallyeats a few as well so the two of you can just relax and practically melt intothe floor

               -Youcouldn’t stop talking. Anything and everything that came to your mind came outof your mouth. It was slow and thought out, but still came out. Every word waslike heaven to his ears and he felt like he could just float along with yourvoice

               -The two ofyou just talk and speculate about the future, about the past, sometimes the twoof you come up with extremely odd (but funny) thoughts about the rest of yourfriends

               -You keptrunning your hand through his hair and kept telling him just how amazingly softit felt and he could just tell that you had way more than he had. He had toremember to lecture you not to eat every kind of candy you find.

               -Or… toat least not eat as much as you did. And definitely not do it alone

*SAERAN (or… Ray *insert the eye emoji here*):

               -“MC,here, I made this specially for you.”

               -In thebottle was a bright, blue, sweet smelling liquid. You didn’t know what it was,exactly, but it was obviously very odd.

               -You tookthe bottle. Ray hasn’t given you any sort of bad vibe or reason to not trusthim the whole time you’ve been here. Though, he kept telling you that steps hadto be taken to allow you to stay there, with him, for as long as you’d like.

               -“MC,”he started, gently wrapping his hand around your own that held the bottle,“Please. Don’t you trust me? I care about you a lot..” his voicedropped off as he looked from your eyes to the ground.

               -After adeep breath, you broke away from his grip to bring the bottle to your lips. Inone fluid motion, you let the sweet tasting liquid run down the back of yourthroat. It burned a bit going down, but immediately numbed afterwards.

               -You methis eyes, as his face lit up with joy. Eyes started to sparkle, and his smilegrew bigger than you’ve seen it the past few days

               -He tookyour hand in his, bringing it up to his lips to plant a small kiss on yourknuckles as he waited for the elixir to kick in. He watched, as you started tolightly shake and threw your hands to your head, holding it and squeezing youreyes shut.

               -Your headstarted to pound as the room began to spin. Your eyes started to wateruncontrollably and you couldn’t make sense of any of your surroundings. Soundsmixed together and seems to scream in your ears. Your breath hitched in yourthroat and you started to gasp for air.

               -Ray buriedhis hand into the hair at the back of your head, pulling you close to his chest

               -He placeda small kiss to the top of your head, smirking against your hair softly

               -“Youaren’t leaving me, MC.”

Masterlist

[wishingfornever]

9/10/17 – Heavy Contact:  Perpetual Slumber

I crave… so much.  I crave you, I crave sugar, I crave alcohol… right now, I just want to indulge.  I’m so hungry.  T-T

It’ll be worth it.  When I’m not fantasizing about fitting an entire cake in my mouth, I’m thinking about the dream children we had together. Isn’t that fucking dumb?  It sounds dumb, even to me.  I mean, let’s be honest: I’d be the world’s greatest father.  Nothing wrong with my fathering abilities at all.  You’d be somewhat mediocre, obviously.  ;) Kidding, kidding.  Still, it’s weird.  Cynthia.  Such a strange name.  I’m not sure how I’d feel about it as a name.  It’s kind of blunt, not very fluid.  CynTHia. I don’t like that “Th” sound.  Maybe there is some sort of cute pet name that would be more sufficient. I don’t know why but my dreams have been more… vivid as of late.  I try to pay attention.  I don’t think they mean anything, I mean Las Vegas could never flood.  I’ve been there.  The communist thing in Paris might be symbolic but it’s kind of… meh.  I don’t think they mean anything but the cat having a voice and then sort of possessing you was super scary.  Btw, it’s currently 12:05.  Been writing since midnight struck so, yeah.  Hi again, it’s me basically from the same day.

Whatever… Jer and I will be talking to each other tomorrow via voice chat.  Or today, I guess.  I want to get some writing done, so I hope I will. I’m going to try and finish it to the best of my ability.  I’ll have Jer read it, but the thing is he can’t edit it if he reads it unless I’m there.  It’s not hands on.  Worse yet, my grammar is probably the best among all my friends.

That sucks.  If I have to rely on someone I know to edit, they’ll be inferior to my own designs.  And I will be biased because I can miss my mistakes. There is no justice in the world.  I think I’m going to cave and just grab something to eat; hopefully something small and light in calories.  After the food from Mazatlan Grill, I am pushing it for calories.  But, it… should be healthy.  Healthier, at least.  Thing about Mexican food is that there are a lot of veggies.  That’s why it was considered a gift from god by the pope, because it has all the food groups and is relatively balanced and super delicious.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck, I’m hungry.  Brb

You won’t be able to guess what I found in the fridge.  Unless you do. Not the point!  The point is, I found MEXICAN FOOD!!!  Like there were several tacos, fully loaded with big tortillas.  I just grabbed one and slapped in the microwave for 2 minutes and left with that, a banana, and a bottle of water.  It’s cool because we were just talking about how great Mexican food is.  There was sour cream, no cheese.  Also beef.  So, I assume it was relatively high in… CALORIES!!!  Yeah, that happens.  Banana was good.  Super sweet and I might get another one.

I feel so much better.  I’m trying not to pig out, but food is just amazing.  So is this water.  Everything just tastes better right now. Thanks, Cynthia. ;)

You know, it’s occurred to me that you may be reading this and be thinking to yourself, “Ooooooh, I see.  You’re crazy, huh?”  It occurred to me when I started this.  In reality, this has helped me cope.  I never understood why people had journals but it’s sort of relieving.  Then again, I intend for my journal to be read.

A little ironic, my book began as an After-Action Report (AAR) which is basically RP updates about your game.  My character was… Diego!  Go figure.  It was part of this mod for Mount and Blade: Warband.  This mod is based in 1809 (a year after my book starts) and I was playing in Prussia.  Diego will be going to Prussia.  And, of course, he had a JOURNAL and that’s how I did the AAR.  It was pretty popular.  He was sort of a cynic which is what I plan to have him become in the second book.  Spoilers, btw. All the characters were made there.  Some had different names like Sarvar but same general concept.  Atlas was supposed to be evil-ish.  Avdotya didn’t stray too far from her source material.  It’s ironic, eh?

Oof. Might have pigged out a little bit.  Grabbed myself another burrito + banana + water.  I feel so stuffed but I’m sooooooo happy.  I’ll make up for it this week.  It was loaded with bellpeppers and onions. But this had beef… and cheese.  I might have thrown it together and gone a little bit too deep.  Kinda regretting not exercising yesterday, but I was a little saddened by your response.

Not your fault; I just wasn’t ready for it.

You, know, I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a political book detailing all the dumb crap the US does.  It’s bound to sell if it’s “edgy” enough.  Maybe I’ll do that instead of the second book…  Of which, I need to change the order around.  Sarvar is now third and Atlas is second.  So, the next book will begin with Atlas’s story.  It’s better chronologically and it’d probably have far more action and will be before Atlas begins to shoulder everything.

That said, the sweat pants I have.  Gonna wear them and exercise today. Those pants though were given to me by Daniel.  Again, super nice guy.  He was talking about a few dark things yesterday and sort of hinted.  I hope you’re keeping an eye on him.

So, I see you left Regional Alliance for the Communist Bloc.  Which is interesting.  During the second nuclear war, I made a few allies within their ranks.  Unfortunately, you probably think I kicked Dennis because I was being petty.  Maybe.  However, someone noticed his currency was child pornography.  Thus, in order to save face I took it upon myself as the most vocal communist state to ban him.

I notice he’s in the Communist Bloc as well… You’re making a bad decision siding with Dennis.  Really bad.  Not just in NationStates but in general.  I noticed you’re still online.  I’m going to probably upset you, but I’m going to ask why you’re siding so much with Dennis.  I see you’re online, so I dropped a message.  I wonder what he’s been telling you. He betrayed me, a friend of 12 years. What makes you think he’d stand by you?  You know he lies.  He’s admitted it.  Is it because you feel sorry for him?  Is it because you’re angry with me? I guarantee, you won’t be happy with him.  My dad kicked me out for a little while before I went to Texas the first time.  Dennis isn’t exactly the most hospitable. If you think I was inactive, you’re in for a treat.  If you think him going to the gym with Daniel is evidence of anything, it’s because of Daniel that he goes.  Without Daniel, he’ll have no drive. But, I’m not concerned.  I know you’ll see this and I know you’ll be disappointed again.  I’m not sure you’ll come back because you might fear “I told you so.”  I wouldn’t bring it up if you did come back, however, so don’t harm yourself further.  If you need help with Dennis, then ask me and I’ll help. Of course, I have no respect for him right now. I’ve began to recall all the SHITTY things he’s done to me, Daniel, and Shane.  I’m bitter and I’m biased, but that doesn’t mean I’m ignorant.  I know how he is.  He’s a piece of shit. You’ll see for yourself soon.  I’m not even mad.

I do want to revisit what he told you.  It horrifies me that he was able to turn you against me so easily.  Admittedly, I wasn’t the best boyfriend but I wasn’t the worst boyfriend.  I was inactive. You said it yourself; I felt like a roommate.  I wasn’t mean or cruel to you but you made it seem like I was.  I trust this is because Dennis told you that I’m ready to throw down at a moments notice or some shit.

I’m more into verbal confrontation than physical confrontation.  I don’t need to raise a fist, but I’ll defend myself. I told you about what happened in Texas.  I defended myself each time.  That’s basically the only two fights I’ve gotten in in my adult life.  Not that bad, all things considering.  The reason for each was too much partying.  It wasn’t even me doing the partying for both, I had just gotten off work and came back to fucking drama.

That’s something I wish you weren’t doing.  Partying too much.  I probably won’t stop you from drinking and smoking pot, but I’m not going to endorse it.

You do have a really skewed image of me.  Deny it if you want to, but it’s true.  One of the most traumatizing things since this happened were your wide and confused eyes.  You thought I hated you?  Who gave you that idea?  Me, sitting by myself hating life?  Or was it perhaps Dennis?  Then you thought I was going to hurt Dennis?  You thought I was going to hurt you?

I have a temper, but it’s mostly benign.  I’m sorry you’ve had to experience it, but I’d never hurt you out of anger.  I’m not sure I could hurt Dennis either, and I hate him.  Like, literally, as far as I’m concerned the bridges are burned.  But I wouldn’t hit him.  Except when I met him when I came back from Texas the first time, but I didn’t hit him hard.  It was a surprise.  We hugged afterwards. Again, I never hated Dennis until he turned you against me.  I never hated Daniel, either.  I never hated Shane.  I don’t hate many people.

I want to offer you an invitation to Adela’s.  Honestly, I don’t know what you’re going to do.  You made it seem like Texas wasn’t an option anymore.  But, whatever the case, you can still come with me.  You can have window and I’ll try to give you your space.  I’ll try not to talk much.  I didn’t want to message you today or yesterday but idk.  Something told me I should reach out.  I blame those weird dreams.

I’m going to be more active, I guess.  I’m going to try to not mention how bad I feel or felt when talking to you.  I’ll force myself to be cordial, sort of like what you said you were doing while we were in person.  That still hurts, you know?  I forgave you, though, so I’m healing.  I just wish you knew what I forgave you for.

After this sentence, there will be 9585 words in this journal.  I think that includes the number but I’m not sure.  I’m not going to talk about Dennis anymore in today’s entry, so please keep reading.

I couldn’t get much sleep after that dream.  Have a lot of time to think.  Cynthia was such a little brat.  Very annoying.  Could totally be your daughter.  Same shade of hair, with oversized pink glasses.  Honestly, I feel if we did have children they’d have darker hair but who knows?  Our dream son was only a toddler.  Like, either he couldn’t speak yet or he was shy.  Had dark hair and a bowl cut.  Also a nerd.

Hopefully, if we do ever have children, they’ll have my eyesight.  I know you don’t want them but it’s hypothetical, so why not imagine?  Remember how we were talking about names?  Avril was one I was really big on.  I guess you convinced me to go with Cynthia.  Not sure how, but you did it. Probably put it in the contract while I wasn’t looking.  We should probably have a witness when we sign it, just to ensure both our safety. If we do redo the contract, we’ll have to avoid intentionally hiding certain topics.  It was fun for the earlier contracts, but I want us to get serious again.  Hopefully we will be. I’d forgive Dennis for everything if it meant another chance at being your boyfriend.  Not just friend, but boyfriend.  Otherwise, wouldn’t be worth it.  A friend would have helped our relationship, not profit from it.  Thus, we’ll need to get back together before I can forgive him again. Look at that.  I said I wouldn’t talk about Dennis but I did anyways. Really, it’s more talking about us.  His involvement is moot.  Still, said I wouldn’t mention it.  It’s frustrating.  No more after this, I promise.

It’s weird that you needed space from me.  I mean… you had all the space you wanted.  Again, super inactive roommate.  That’s one of the things that has baffled me about this entire affair, but if you need it you’ll get it.  I want to work with you.  Of course, it’s hard to measure progress while you’re away.

What really upset me was it felt like you were making excuses to not finish things.  Like… it was supposed to be Thursday for you to do all these things.  Then Saturday.  Then Wednesday.  I was prepared for you to take your things, but you kept postponing.  I thought I did something wrong because we weren’t talking.  I should have trusted you, but… it’s hard.  I felt like I was doing something wrong and I didn’t know how to improve on it.

I said a lot of very hurtful things, iirc.  I did hurtful things not just to you but to me.  I suffered from temporary insanity.  I’ve never been this hurt about anything before.  Like… I strangled myself.  I hit myself so hard, I left bruises.  Of course, hole in wall…  I was just feeling hopeless and that there was no one I could turn to.

I feel better now.  Been using this journal to vent.  And I have Daniel.  Sometimes Shane.  Jeremiah has been more available.  Like… my life shattered but things are getting placed back together.  A bit slowly for my tastes, but I’ll work with it. I’d do anything to get you back in my life. You’re the final piece.  You complete me.  It’s hard to get put back together when you’re so opposed to be that final piece.

I think if we got back together, I’d be more protective.  Probably more anal about things.  You’d probably call me “Andrew” but I wouldn’t care.  I’d be livid if you were to cut yourself.  You tell me, “Oh, I just needed to” and I won’t accept that as an answer.  Learning that from you but mostly learning that because you tend to not say what you mean directly.  You’re afraid of confrontation and I forgot about this.  Therefore, you made our break sound vague.  You flatout lied about it.  You hid your cuts from me and then blamed me when it seemed like I didn’t care.

I care.  I always care.  The first time you cut yourself, I kept to myself.  I wanted to cry, really.  I wanted more substance but all I got was “I needed it” and that is a half-assed answer.

After how you treated me… yeah, I’m not surprised that I thought you hated me.  Put yourself in my shoes.  Just for a minute.  Consider how you’ve made me feel. This entire time, I’ve placed myself in your shoes and I’ve tried to reach out.  I thought I was doing what was best, but you did need time and I didn’t give it. When I try to fix something, it becomes my project.  Sitting around waiting… well, it makes me depressed.  Not sure you noticed.  That said, I don’t feel like you’ve been very empathetic. I’m probably going to exercise in a bit.  It’s 7:36 so it’s pretty early.  It’d make up for me pigging out last night and yesterday. Normally, I pig out because… DEPRESSION, go figure but this time I guess I was just super hungry.  And Daniel was paying, so free meal, amirite?  ;)

The girl I was flirting with.  I basically stopped talking to her after I spoke to you on skype yesterday.  Kinda feel bad.  I’ll message her again later today, but it’s not right for me to put people to the side because I’m feeling moody.  If anything, I learned that from how I treated you.

I know I said I was going to exercise, but with minimal sleep, I might try to rest and then exercise when I wake up.  I know, making excuses but it’s cold and I’m feeling tired.  I wish you were here.  A cold bed is best spent with a warm body.  And frankly, there are none warmer than yours.  <3

Cheesy flirt, I know, but you said I should flirt more with you.  I did but you didn’t notice. So, now I have to be ultra obvious.  Like, SO obvious.  It’s not so bad.  Cheesy is good; too bad it’s not going to be a part of my diet soon.

Anyways, I’m going to get some rest.  You’ll probably message me in about two hours and I won’t message you until four probably.  I’ll try to wake up sooner.  I miss you.  I love you.  Talk to me soon, yeah? Good night (or morning).  You’re beautiful.  <3

Can’t sleep.  Too much on my mind I guess.  It happens.  Maybe when everything is over I’ll be able to go to sleep at a reasonable time.  As I was saying, you’re welcome to come with me to Texas. Don’t even need to stay at Adela’s.  We can drop you off at Shane’s the next day, if that’s alright.  Thing is, we’re waiting for the hurricanes to pass and for the flooding to clear.  As soon as that’s done, I’m getting a ticket and I’m out of here. With or without you.

I miss our relationship in Adela’s. You say I was always on my computer but what I remember was us doing dishes together, running around the neighborhood, doing little things.  I miss that.  Here?  Can’t do that here.  It’s a black hole.  I hate it here.  My sister didn’t come over yesterday, btw. It’s nice because she’s such a hassle.  My dad can be too but he’s been rather impartial.  My mom has been super energetic and supportive.  I think she misses you, but I won’t ask her.  Not yet.

I’m glad you haven’t deleted the blog yet.  To me, that means there is still hope.  Or you pity me enough to leave me my last bastion. Whatever the case, I’m glad.  I check it everyday.  I reload the page several times a day, just to check if it’s still there.  It helps.  You said you had it so when I broke up with you, I’d feel bad.

I impulsively click on Skype to get here.  To write in my journal, I think “Click the blue!”  Reason for this, if I had to guess, is because the journal is specifically targeted to you and right now I have several messages sent to you over Skype.  I don’t think I’ll accidentally send you any journal entries but it’s amusing.  I hope you’re willing to chat.

I hope these hurricanes pass soon.  No offense, but I need to get away. Nice neutral territory, you know?  Adela’s a nice person.  Even if you broke up with me and insisted to never see me again and also set my hair on fire, she’d still meet up for bubble tea.  People like you.  She loves you.  Adriana loves you.  Everyone loves you.  I love you the most, though.  Otherwise, I wouldn’t have tried so hard. Of course, it could be said I’m trying now. Except I’m not trying, this is me coping.  Whether you read it or not, it’s hard to say but I know it’s been helping me.  Maybe I should keep a journal more often.  Except instead of a journal about you, it’ll be a journal for me.  And instead of me consistently updating like I have been with this one, I’ll actually do the end of the day update like I wanted to do.  Maybe I should get you a journal…  Your birthday is right around the corner.  I want to get you something.

Soon. Probably won’t do Christmas.  Thing is, for Christmas and Thanksgiving, I’m going to be all by myself at Adela’s.  Not a bad thing, but I don’t know how I’d fare.  If I slipped into a fit of depression, I might not be able to handle it by myself. :/

Don’t consider that as me wanting you to be by my side during those events.  I know Shane is taking you somewhere for Thanksgiving.  It’s not an invitation (though if you really wanted to stay with me, I wouldn’t say no).  You don’t need to spend the time with me and you don’t owe me anything.  I’m just talking my mind. That said, I remember last Thanksgiving.  It was just me and Max and I stayed in the guest bedroom.  I kept to myself and didn’t eat anything that day.  Christmas was a bit better because Adela was there, sort of.  We went to that party where I got drunk and played blackjack.

My hair was longer then.  I’m surprised it’s taking this long to grow out.  Normally it’d be longer.  I’m getting older… or I’m more stressed.  I miss feeling your fingers run through my hair. It’s soothing.  Everything about you is soothing.  I should have appreciated you more.  Well, I know better now.

I think the day after Thanksgiving, I went to go get Whataburger.  Might have walked.  Can’t recall.  I usually do fast food when I’m depressed.  Probably why I gained SO much weight… that and I’ve been inactive.  I gained 80 pounds. EIGHTY pounds.  That’s a lot.  I feel so disgusting…  Whataburger was good though.  I’ll miss it while I’m down there.  Because it’s so close yet it’s totally forbidden.  If you and I go out, we’ll have to get Subway.  And my sandwich won’t get cheese. I’ll force myself to only eat half and save the rest. Thing is, I eat fast.  I really need to slow down.  I try but… eh.  I really need to be more aware when I eat.  I guess I’m like a shark. I just see food and get into a feeding frenzy.  RAWR!!!  IMMA SHERK!!!  GIVE ME UR FISHIES!!! Except for Moshi.  Moshi is friend; not food. I miss Moshi.  I wake up and look over where she used to be and feel… disappointed.  She was literally the reason I woke up in the morning.  I’d go back to bed, but it gave me something to do.  I really need to start exercising today.  But I’ll do that later today.  Thinking about Texas… the first time.  Before we met.  I had a TV, cable, faster internet, Ahnassi…  I wanted to come back though because there was no one I hung out with in Texas.  Didn’t have any friends or family because my brother moved to Oklahoma and left me there by myself.  I was fine in my little apartment but my dad rushed me out.  I didn’t want to stay, mind you, but I needed more time.  I was saving up to afford to leave but my dad offered to pay for everything.  Unfortunately, that means we only had enough to put in our trucks and nothing else.  I left the TV, the TV stand, a table plus chairs… so much I left behind.  I was charged for leaving stuff in the apartment.  It was bullshit, the money I had saved went into paying off my bills from a place I wasn’t even at anymore.  Worse yet, before I paid off one of them (cable bill) my dad said I shouldn’t.  What would they do? Ruin my credit is what.  Thanks, Dad. I know you’ve heard that before, but… Idk, I’m reminiscing.  I was totally isolated then but I used to call my friends on this computer.  I had the TV on in the background because it was nice to have.  Usually Comedy Central because I needed the laugh.  I think… that’s why I’m always on this computer.  I didn’t used to be this bad, I just haven’t realized it. Christ, loneliness sucks.  I didn’t expect to do so much self discovery with this journal.

I used to go out.  I went to clubs but I stopped because I got tired of spending money on drinking.  I used to go on dates with girls.  I was really into the activist scene.  I had a V for Vendetta mask and went to the Million Mask March.  I want to again…  I’d want to take you.  Happens every November Fifth.

I feel… addicted to the computer.  More than ever.  I don’t even want to type on it.  Right now, I just want to go to sleep but I can’t.  Maybe the computer is to blame?  Idk, maybe I should limit my use of the computer to when I’m only writing.

I depend on my vices a lot.  I guess your pot is the same as my computer.  You allow it, but you don’t encourage it.  I guess you were patient with me.  More than you should have been. If it’s alright with you, I might just talk about my past today.  At least until I fall asleep or if you message me on Skype.  Whatever comes first.

I graduated high school in the middle of a recession.  It was so hard finding a job.  I applied EVERYWHERE and my dad often drove me.  I had a car, but we made it a little event.  Unfortunately, he lives in the 60’s and 70’s.  The way you apply for a job is different than it was then.  The first job I got, I wasn’t even applying for.  The Lumberjack used to be Black Bear Diner and I applied there and I was told they weren’t taking any applications.  I was disheartened because I had applied to all these places and that was the last place I applied to.  I was ready to go home with my dad when this short man with a gravelly voice stopped me outside.  He offered me a job as a freelancer.

Basically, he worked construction with Walmart.  Those shopping cart cages?  I placed the little blocks on top of them.  It was neat.  I road on a forklift lifting a panel. That panel is where I stood.  I also riveted down a lot of the isles and did other things.  I enjoyed it and the pay was nice.  Problem was it was at night so I slept during the day.  I had this crush on this girl at the time… she’s married now, but we were close friends.  I was just in the friend zone and couldn’t get out.  When I have a crush on someone, I have a crush.  I didn’t lose my virginity until later, of course. Not trying to talk about my love life (or rather, lack of).  Talking about Walmart. The job didn’t last long.  The guy I worked with eventually got into it with the dude who ran the Walmart and left.  I never got my last paycheck, but I didn’t care.  I had experience.  Turned out, it didn’t mean shit.  I’ll talk more about my job history tomorrow. In High School, I had a few crushes.  Never amounted to anything.  My first kiss was with this girl.  Heather Harmon was her name.  It was before I went to Credence (which is a continuation high school).  There was this dance which I didn’t want to go to.  I felt so awkward just being there.  I was a Freshman and I wanted to go home.  However, I was told by Heather’s friend that this girl in a curly blouse thought I was cute.  I was like, “Oh?” and super surprised.  I misheard her and thought she said something different from blouse.  Don’t remember what I thought she said.  All I remember is that I approached the wrong girl and said, “Hey, I heard you thought I was cute?” The girl looked at me, laughed, and said no.  Ouch.  What a bitch.  I went back to where I was sitting, feeling even worse when Heather’s friend got back and brought Heather with her.  Asked why I didn’t ask Heather out to a dance and I said I didn’t know she was who she was talking about.  The friend grabbed a sleeve and reiterated blouse. That’s the thing, dances and clubs and all that dumb shit… the music is just too loud.  Can’t hear shit.

Anyways, she asked me to dance and I said I didn’t know how.  She said it’s fine, she’ll teach me.  She dragged me onto the floor and we began dancing.  I was dancing horribly but she seemed fine with it.  Then the music cut to ‘slow dance’ music and we slow danced.  In the middle of it all, she kissed me.

It caught me off guard and I was so surprised.  But also happy.  I enjoyed even the small amount of affection.  She had to leave early, however, so left soon after.  My mom eventually picked me up and I left too.  On the way back, I saw her again, crossing the street.  I didn’t really remember what she looked like until I saw her outside of the dance which was ironic.  I was so surprised and caught in the moment that I couldn’t focus.

You’re probably wondering what she looked like.  She was a bit on the heavy side but she had a cute face.  Thing is, she liked to play the field if you know what I mean.  She broke up with me once and I took it easy. Then we dated again and broke up again.  Then she wanted to go out for a third time and I said no. She was a year older than me which I felt was odd.  Sophomore dating a Freshman.  That class politics, amirite? We were dorks.  Basically grade school relationship in high school.  Of course, I discovered several girls had crushes on me but I never noticed.  I was always too focused on my own crushes to notice others.  God, I felt bad about that.  I didn’t mean to be so neglectful.  I didn’t mean to be rude.  I just didn’t notice. So, I probably could have lost my virginity sooner.  Then again, I was a young republican for the longest time so I’m lucky I didn’t lose it later.  Of which, I lost it in the back of my truck on that trail we were on a while back. It’s a good trail.  Miss yooooou… <3

Anyways, the crush I had that persisted after high school.  I was close with her family, but there was nothing that ever happened between us.  She eventually moved away for college and I eventually moved to Texas. We still talked in my early days.  I guess I stopped talking to her when everything started to go sour in my life.

Huh, I messaged her a happy birthday this year.  I’m surprised, I didn’t wish ANYONE a happy birthday this year.  Then the year before during the same month.  Seems I commented on one of her posts and we discussed it in PM. Interesting.  That’s life. She was very funny.  Had a lot of problems though, sort of like you.  Stop me if you heard this before, but her mother was a very abusive ultra-christian.  I even went to church with her mother.  I guess if I had a type, that’d be it.

I’m not sure why, but I’m drawn to girls with issues.  Not because I want to feed off it but because I used to want to help.  Remember me with that “You’re beautiful” thing?  That’s not a flirt, that was me building your self-esteem.  Remember how I tried to reinforce your self-esteem?  I guess I’d be considered a white knight.  At least, I used to be.  Not so much now.  I’ve been bitter and the last girls I were with didn’t seek help really.  I was in it for the sex, not the relationship.

If I had to guess a physical type, I like your body but I also like curves.  So bigger butt maybe.  Boobs would be nice too.

Eh, I might not have a type.  I feel so shallow thinking about it.  You have the perfect body in my eyes, though.  Not why I love you.  If you were less attractive, I’d still be fond of you.  I can look past looks, but I feel I’m letting go of a piece of my person.  You can be an intellectual, you could be thoughtful, you could be compassionate, you could be reasonable… though, you’ve been less reasonable as of late.  Just saying.  >.>

Really, I like you.  I like you a lot.  Your body is great, but I can live without it.  Sometimes, I think you’re too attractive because boys are always hitting on you.  And, apparently, they made the flirting game increase in difficulty.  Ah, fuck.  -,-

I really want you to read this.  I want to tell you about the journal, but it’s a surprise.  You probably don’t want to talk to me right now, anyways.  :/

A lot of memories today.  I’m going to share the section about the first kiss.  Literal copy and paste. However, more information will be here as opposed to as on Skype. I’m not sure how you’ll take it, but that’s alright. I remember!  It wasn’t blouse.  Heather’s friend said “Shirt” and I heard “Skirt.”  Same concept, similar sound.  It wasn’t blouse but shirt and skirt.  Yeah, I can be a dweeb too.  Nothing is sacred.

My parents are talking about me going to Texas.  They talk loud because my dad is deaf.  My dad doesn’t sound so keen and I’m not sure how my mom feels, but she’s supporting me on this.

My mom just came in and asked me when I wanted the ticket.  She was a bit forceful.  I guess she’s annoyed that I haven’t done anything and that I just want to leave.  I’m talking to Adela.  Her mom is coming up for her birthday which is early in October.  I kind of want to get there after her mom leaves so I have that super comfy bed. Far better than this bed.  Good memories of it, too.  Because you were always on it.  <3

Flirting.  That was flirting. That’s something I miss.  That one dream where you were possessed by that demon cat was fucking crazy but it was hot.  You’re super sexy and I miss it.  I neeeeeeeed it.  Probably; men apparently need sex at least once a week for their mental health. I heard that from a co-worker and I’m not sure how true it is. I’ll admit, I’ve been mentally better so perhaps there is some truth to it.

Last time I saw you, I had actually hoped we’d have sex one last time. Unfortunately, I was a muttering whimp and couldn’t contain myself. I wanted affection over sex… how dumb am I?  If you answered “Pretty dumb” then you’d be correct.  I guess I wasn’t even in the mood.

I think I’d fair better in our next meeting.  I’ve been venting!  Without judgment, too!  At least for now.  And the first entry was pretty whiny but I worked through it. Could delete it, but that’d defeat the purpose of a journal.  You write what’s on your mind.  At least, that’s what I’m thinking. If not, at least it’s a placebo.  Really, that’s the only pill I really need right now.  Just gotta believe. And I believe in us.  I believe we’ll get back together.  Maybe I’m wrong, but it’s nice to believe.  Faith is fun, eh? I’ve had this pimple on my nose.  It was big and greasy.  Couldn’t get rid of it with that tea tree oil stuff but I tried to pop it.  Not much effect, it’s just scabbing now.  I look like a rhinoceros right now.  Big, fat, skin condition, rhino. Ugh… be positive. Anyways, the scab is annoying but it’ll heal soon.  My cuts look like they’re going to be light scars but they’re subtle.  Not my first scars but they seemed to cut the deepest, pun unintended.  Again, I was just… so upset.  Really should have started this journal sooner.

Anyways, I think I’m rambling now.  I’m going to try to catch some sleep. It’s currently 11am and you’re still not awake.  I’m not sure I’ll be able to.  My eyelids are heavy, but my mind is super active.  My dad wants me to take the garbage to the dump but they’re not open on Sunday.  Maybe he’ll realize this.  Anyways, trying again for sleep.  I love you, Esther.  I hope you’ve read this far.

Current time is 1:21pm.  Still, no sleep.  We had a pretty long conversation. You revealed a lot.  I think you revealed that you’d never forgive me.  Man, that hurts…  Crying now.  My heart… the muscle in my chest?  It physically hurts.  So much…  I’m sorry I neglected you.  I’ve changed, I swear.

I appreciate your honesty… it was blunt.  I guess I needed to hear it.  It’ll help me become a better person.  It’s just… damn. Never have I hated myself more than I do right this very moment. It’s not that great to be me right now.  I can’t prove to you that I’ve changed because there is no way to prove it.  I’m fighting an uphill battle.  You… really don’t want to see me.

The irony is… I still think you care. Might be wrong, but it feels like it.  Maybe the voice I’m reading your statements is just more merciful than I allow to be read.  I’d sacrifice anything for a chance to get back in your good graces.  I wish I knew how to convince you that things would be better… If you’re reading this, I’m obviously still alive.  So I’m safe, you have nothing to worry about.  Of course, if you’re reading this that means everything after has already happened.  It’s probably not even September anymore.  So, yeah… right now, I guess you just have to trust I won’t do anything permanent. Good news for current you… I’m not messaging you from now on until you message me.  I might message you before I go to Texas, but that’d be it.  I think that’s worthy for an exception, no? That said, I guess… my journal entries are going to get longer.  At least until I invest myself in something with a lot of time consumption.  I want to message you every day.  I told you about the journal.  THE JOURNAL!!!  I don’t know why, ruined the surprise… and you couldn’t care less. Or maybe you did care; you just didn’t show it.  You have a better poker face than I do.

The way you ended it sounded like you were annoyed with me, however. “gtg” is probably unlikely.  I would normally ask Daniel or Adriana to confirm if you’re going anywhere else.  Thing is, I don’t need to.  You are just tired of hearing me beg.  And I get it… that’s the fucked up thing.  I get it.  Honestly, you deserve a prince to descend from on high and sweep you off your feet.  I’m no prince, I’m just some asshole.  I think I’d leave me too.

I’m going to try to go to sleep.  Hopefully for the final time.  When I wake up, expect me to talk about some dream where you were in a wedding dress and where I was in furs, beating things with a stick and speaking with only one syllable words.  You were the best thing that ever happened to me… and I took you for granted.  I want to make up for it. But I can’t… maybe I never will…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB-RcX5DS5A

The light hurts my eyes.  It’s currently 8pm.  I think I got five hours of sleep.  I say that because I posted on Facebook before I dozed off.  It doesn’t matter.

I don’t feel good.  I didn’t have any dreams and I woke up… physically numb.  It’s hard to do simple things like move my fingers to type this.  You won’t get to see it but I’m hitting backspace a lot.  I went to the kitchen to get myself food.  I was hungry before we chatted but I took a bite out of something my dad made and couldn’t finish it.

I have a banana and a bottle of water.  I’m going to try to eat something and drink something.  After that, I think I’ll go back to bed.  Tomorrow has to be better than this.

Maybe it will be.  I’ll have to go to the dump tomorrow.  It’ll just be me going to town.  Alone.  I’ll then get a Subway sandwich.  Alone.

It’s not as bad as it sounds… I think I need the solitude right now, ironically.  I could always reach out to people if I need a friend. I’m okay.  I’ll be fine.  Despite how I feel now, I know we had a good talk despite it’s brash ending.  Your Facebook nickname is “Still the Most Beautiful.”  It’s dumb; not because you’re not the most beautiful but because you’ll never see it.  You’ll see my nickname, which I cleared.

I think you’ve seen my post.  Probably rolled your eyes and ignored it.  It’s me venting.  You’ve judged me VERY harshly in the past for my venting.  I know you don’t think you did, but you have. You’ve been pretty unreasonable.  I guess you’re trying to prove a point.  If I were feeling better, maybe I’d guess what that point is.

It doesn’t matter.  Nothing really matters.  I’ve accepted this.

You’re probably not going to read my journal.  Going to be a lot of entries I can see… for what?  Well, it calms me down and keeps me collected.  Guess it’s not that bad.

You know, the link I’ve linked you… The Scientist by Coldplay.  I’ve always liked the song but only now have I listened to the lyrics.  I don’t just listen to the song… I feel it.  It’s hard to explain but… I’m lost in the lyrics listening to the meaning.  The music video is great too, btw.  Not that I’ve been watching it.  A lot of weird physics in it, though. Maybe you and I can watch the music video in reverse and I can show you sometime… heh… Anyways, I don’t feel like writing anymore today.  I’m going to have a snack and then go to bed… again.  I’ll talk more tomorrow, alright?  I still love you.  Good night.