#idk guys I’m just in A Headspace

[ficandkaboodle]

Now for everybody’s favorite opinion-based game they might not admit to playing but absolutely do play in nearly every fandom they’re in:

✨🫦Does That Man Moan in Bed?!👄✨

(Sponsored by Monster Energy: We lied, we are Satanic)

Papa Nihil: Yes. Just. Yes. This man moans like a little bitch even when he’s topping. And growls. And whimpers. Even if it’s someone he’s not really into all that much. Honestly, it seems very exaggerated on his part like he’s trying to be a porn star but no, those are very real sounds he’s letting into the air like that, He just takes every ounce of pleasure he can get from the stimuli and that’s enough to make him drown out every single noise that isn’t him and maybe a bit of the bed putting up a fight.

Papa Primo: No. Lack of interest in foreplay aside, I think even a saner, more pleasant-in-bed Primo isn’t particularly noisy in bed. He comes off more as a heavy breathing, occasional panting or grunting type of guy to me. Maybe a sigh here or there. If anything, the most noise I can see him making an effort in making is either dirty talk or reciting the text for the sexual magick ritual you’re performing. You might even think he’s not into it but rest assured, he absolutely is. He’s just not a particularly bombastic person by nature, and this carries over into the bedroom. He’ll show other signs he’s into it if you think his regular sounds aren’t enough, though.

Papa Secondo: Yes but unless you two have been together a good while and he trusts you, you’d likely never know. Secondo, for as flamboyant as he can actually be outside of his robes, probably sees moaning as a sign of weakness. That, or he’s embarrassed of how he sounds. (And has probably accidentally overheard his gross old man a few times. Frankly it’s a miracle he didn’t wind up completely disgusted by sex.) He tries to make “strong manly noises”: He’s taught himself how to contort those sounds into tooth-clenching grunts and forcing himself through words unbroken. They’re sexy for sure, but when you’ve finally reached a point where he lets you hear his real sounds, you can’t help but notice an extra layer of warmth to his voice. Simultaneously, it’s lighter; more floating. Even if he trusts you now, though, he’s still going to be embarrassed about it so make sure you make it clear to him that you adore his noises and would certainly love to hear more.

Papa Terzo: Yes. Kind of. Terzo does moan, but it’s actually naturally quieter than what sounds he winds up giving in bed. He’s so used to playing everything up and bolstering peoples’ expectations of him as this flamboyant slut of a man that most of what noises he makes in bed are just exaggerations of what he actually does. He tends to make much softer moans and sighs compared to the absolutely pornographic noises most lovers wind up hearing. He tries to justify it internally as helping to arouse his partner, bringing them to that cherished orgasm, of course, the thing is that because he’s so focused on how he thinks he should sound, he doesn’t always feel every inch of his own release. Much like Secondo, I think the real sounds come through when he knows you can be trusted and isn’t afraid of you seeing the real him, warts and all. He feels much more relaxed and you can feel the depth of adoration he has for you now that he’s not so focused on putting on a show.

Papa Copia: He does but honestly? He’s more of a gasper and whimperer. Higher-pitched noises. It’s an awful thing to have inherited from Nihil, all things considered, but it makes the most sense at least to me. He’s always been a bit shy in one-on-one interactions with people. Add in a splash of possible humiliation when his peers might’ve overheard him and started calling him a Rat Boy and he might’ve just developed a means of being quieter. Well, as quiet as he can get. He’s such a sensitive topino after all. However, you absolutely can work those bigger moans and pleas out of him. Simply pin him down, praise him, ride him like he’s a sex toy that won’t break no matter how rough you ride him, and watch him unravel into a begging, crying mess beneath you that can barely string together a coherent sentence. All in all, though, for as fun as that can be, you still quite adore Copia’s usual little noises. Oh, your sweet little Satanic Church Mouse…

[possum-quesadilla]

Ngl im not really someone who cries much, like I can't, and there is this one song (the underworld, EPIC: the musical) that always makes me sad but I can't cry and it felt shity and then I explained to someone why it was so sad and saying it outloud made me cry and it felt good to finally be able to cry for that song

Umm

You should listen to epic the musical

It's like

25 songs

15 more are on the way

Most of them don't make me cry

The fact that this is the first piece of media too make me cry should tell you a lot about it's quality.

Oh man. I just gave it a listen and holy moly. You’re right, might have to listen to the whole thing! It HIT right in the gut.

[lunar-years]

New 1989 outfit is fugly (I’m so sorry Taylor) but very reminiscent of 1989 tour (when many of the costumes were indeed also fugly 🫡)

The acoustic set outfit is also worse :(

Combining folklore and evermore is meh tbh like I don’t love that at all but I also completely see why it had to be done

I stared at the “this is not Taylor’s Version” t shirt for an embarrassingly long amount of time trying to figure out what on earth she was trying to say and I still think it’s not something that makes much sense out of context/accompanied by a side explanation and it was a weird choice for the shirt lmao.

ttpd set goes incredibly hard 100/10 NO NOTES.

her coming out in that same freaking reputation jumpsuit after changing every other outfit in the show was peak comedy (she’s so funny and we can never talk about that enough)

the entire shape of the show has changed imho so I think it’s fair for fans to be sad about missing last years half or missing this years half or about not getting to see certain songs or about not getting tickets at all to a show that was incredibly difficult and expensive to get tickets to in the first place. It feels like two separate shows. And we are allowed to express sadness or fomo without being dubbed immediately ungrateful/bad fans (obviously there’s a limit and legitimately complaining/getting mad at Taylor for doing her own show how she wants to do it/threatening to no longer go [lol, plenty of fans are in line to take your tickets] is goofy deadass, but)

I do wish she’d just done a separate ttpd tour (even if we had to wait several years and the tour was combined between ttpd and the next potential album) but I can also recognize that I’m mostly saying that because of how desperately I want to hear ttpd songs live and the knowledge I won’t be able to

I also think her deciding to add it now, combined with the general length and scope of eras tour, is evidence that she is planning to take a long break from touring once it’s over (NOT in the weird ‘she’s going to retire to have babies’ way!!! Just in an ‘I think she’s planning to take a touring break’ straightforward way)

I’ve seen some people already taking the transition from but daddy I love him into so high school as confirmation that their theory that the last verse is actually about Travis is correct. But as someone with song literacy, I merely take it as confirmation that Taylor saw the theory, thought it worked fabulously, and enjoys retconning her own songs to aid her own whims and happiness (which is so beyond real of her and also incredibly funny)

Playing so high school as the only anthology song for kicks and giggles was so cute of her she’s down soooo bad for that man

Midnights body suit is hotter than ever and she herself is also hotter than ever

Loml as the surprise song at THAT show after I’d made that post….you have to laugh LOL 🙃

If anyone has near face value tickets for sale for USA or Canada shows later this year I will genuinely offer you my firstborn child plus the money in exchange god bless

[thnksfrthmmrs]

i’ve been so unmotivated to make gifs to actually post. i’ve basically spent the last two days making potential headers for myself

[sunforgrace]

I know it’s heavily disputed about the extent and canon veracity of cas “picking up on dean’s longing” and what exactly that even means or entails. but thinking about that period after jack offscreen raised cas from the empty and before dean died.

[dinosnaurnuggets]

I wanna ask people to go stargazing with me but I feel like none of them are gonna be interested 😔

It’s just so clear tonight and I know it’d be pretty

[luvrxbunny]

soft

pairing: post-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

summary: Joel wants her, and she wants him. The bumpy story of how they got together!

warnings: 18+ MDNI, reader has hair that can get in her face, smoking (weed), drinking, lots of feelings, piv, unprotected sex, slight overstimulation, kinda subby Joel at the end (lmk if i forgot anything)

wc: 10.3k (idk how that happened im sorry)

a/n: I’m pretty proud of this one. ik its long but please just give her a chance!

It started with you and Joel both high and drunk out on the porch and he looked so beautiful. There was a perpetual smile on his face, laughing and even giggling at almost everything you said, folding himself over and leaning his head on you whenever he thought something was particularly funny and you couldn't control yourself.

The next time he leaned over you waited, watching, letting him calm back down but when he went to pull off of you, you pulled his head to yours. His breathing stopped short and it scared you until he groaned into your mouth. It was so many things, it was broken, grateful, desperate but savoring and you loved it. 

He placed his hand behind your head and held you in place as he pushed his lips further into yours. It almost hurt, the way he seemed to attempt to mold your face into one, but it was so perfect. When he pulled away you were out of breath, panting in his face as he did the same. You guys continued to exchange breaths as you scrutinized every aspect of his face.

Anxiety was clawing inside your stomach as you took him in, fearing that he may never let you ever again. His soft lips parted, and you watched his tongue slide into the indent on his bottom lip. You silently hoped he could taste your remnants on them as they froze, waiting for words to spill out. Only to be interrupted by Ellie slamming the front door open. 

“Can you guys fucking keep it down?! I have school, remember? You’re the one making me go!” She shouts at you both, directing the last part at Joel who was still staring at you. You were watching Ellie as she yelled but Joel’s silence brought your gaze back to him. You shouldn’t have because you feel like that’s when it happened. You swear you could see him blocking himself off from you, like a door was shutting in his eyes. He apologized to Ellie and said it was getting late. 

Now, usually, Joel insists on you sleeping on the couch, too worried to let you go home so inebriated but that night he sent you away. It was like he broke your heart. He shattered it and forced you to place the shards in your shoes as he pushed you away, pain shooting through your whole body with every step. 

You cried yourself to sleep that night, you thought things were over with Joel, and you’d lose touch with Ellie because it would be too painful to go over there.

Your paradise was ruined.

You couldn’t believe you had read the situation so wrong. You thought- worse case- he would tell you that you’re too young, that he just can’t be with you, for whatever reason. But the look in his eyes… the way he sent you home. It felt like he didn’t even care about you anymore. 

The next day you thought you had lost your mind. You were in a terrible headspace and decided to ditch your responsibilities. You were in bed, switching between sleeping and sobbing into your pillow. You felt horrible, you looked horrible and someone was knocking incessantly at your door. They would not leave, no matter how much time passed, no matter how loud you groaned. So you wrapped your blanket around you and very angrily made your way to the door. 

“Who the fu-” Your sentence is cut short in complete and utter shock.

It was Joel. 

You let the door swing open and walk back inside. You’re already climbing back into bed as you hear him shut the door behind him. “What do you want, Joel?”

 You’re lying down, wiggling a bit to get comfortable. In the corner of your eye, you can see him just standing there, his thick arms crossed over his broad chest. Your head almost turns as you hear him take a deep breath, wishing you could see the way his chest puffs up and stretches whatever shirt he’s wearing. But you don't. He’s not someone you should be admiring like this, he’s someone you cannot be admiring like this. 

“Oh my god. Don’t just stand there you know I fucking hate that.” Your voice is so irritated, so hurt and cold but he scoffs.

Anger and embarrassment courses through you but you feel the bed dip anyway, it eases the feelings.

You can feel him right beneath your feet, so close you almost want to straighten your legs a bit more, just so you can press against him. But you don’t. 

“Okay, then don’t curse… Y'know I hate that.” His voice is painfully normal, like nothing happened, like he didn't break you. You want to laugh- or cry- at the absurdity. The thought that last night meant nothing to him, so little that he’s over here asking you things like ‘don’t curse’.

Who does he think he is? That he can treat me like shit and then ask such trivial things of me? No. Fuck him. 

“Fuck you, Joel. You’re a dick, get out.” He takes a deep breath and then is silent for a moment. You hoped and prayed that he had given up but to no avail. 

“No, honey. I’m supposed to find out why you’re not out workin’.” You scoff at him and dig yourself deeper into the blankets. “Ar- are ya sick or somethin’?” At this you turn to him, looking him dead in the eyes, asking ‘Are you fucking serious?’ but he can’t hold your gaze.

Oh! So he does remember.

You laugh humorlessly and fall back into bed where you lie in silence, for quite some time. Until his hand comes up to your ankle, resting so gently you know he’s holding it up. He’s probably still thinking over whether he should do it or not, unaware that he’s already touching you. 

“Can- Well, I- I- I know that- fuck.” He’s so angry when he says it, frustrated with himself for not having the right words.

He never knows the right thing to say, or how to convey how he feels. He’s so scared of losing you right now, but he doesn’t know how to tell you in a way that will have you asking no questions. He can’t have you asking him anything because he knows you’ll ask him things that he’s nowhere near ready to answer. “Can you just- Can you please?” 

You waited for him to say more, expecting it, but that was the end of the sentence. He wanted you to ‘just please’.

The way he says it though, you look over at him and he’s gazing into you, his eyes so piercing that you almost feel uncomfortable. It feels like he’s prying into you, willing you to open up for him to express himself without having to actually say anything to you. 

You sit up and glare back at him, softer than before but still hot with rage. “Please, what.” He shakes his head and looks away from you, into his lap instead as his hand fully settles on your ankle. He keeps huffing out breaths, like he’s going to say something but then decides against it. You’re almost irritated with the sound until he takes a breath and follows it with words. 

“You- I need for yesterday to have not happened.”

Fuck him.

You hadn’t even gotten over the first rejection, the lack of care he showed and now here he was rejecting you again. “You must- You gotta understand why it can’t happen. Why we-”

You were trying not to tremble as he rubbed his hand over his face, trying to keep himself calm in the face of the extreme stress the whole situation was putting on him. Tears were welling in your eyes as he spoke, despite you squeezing them shut to avoid this exact issue. But it hurt just as much as it did last night, maybe more. “We just can’t. Not- I need for things to go back to normal… f- for now at least…”

You’re breathing froze, eyes snapping open to look at Joel, who was still looking in his lap. His hand left your ankle to meet his other fidgeting one as you both sat in silence. You could see him peeking at you from the corner of his eye as subtly as he could as you thought over his words.

You felt like you were on a game show. Do you double down or just take what you have?

‘I need for yesterday to have not happened’

‘I need for things to go back to normal’

His words hurt.

‘F-for now at least’

But those words… made it worth it. 

You didn’t want to push him. You know how hard it must’ve been for him to even express the little bit he did. Along with that, the thought of him noticing you weren’t around and coming to check on you was making its way through your cloud of hate. 

“Y-you sent me away…” Your voice isn’t hard anymore. It isn't soft either, it was just weak. You can see Joel grimace at it, turning away from you so you couldn’t see him. “Wh- You- you always let me stay but- you just-” You stop talking, if you kept going you would’ve started sobbing again. 

“I couldn’t let you stay, honey. The- I didn’t- I don’t have enough self-control for something like that to happen an’... I’m leaving you in the guest room? No. I would’ve- had to have- I… No, I-” He breathes out in annoyance again and you yearn to comfort him. But you don’t.

He always gets too frustrated with himself, making it even harder for him to clear his head enough to say what he wants. “I wouldn’t have been able to leave you there. I would’ve had to do somethin’ and I- I don't think that’s a good idea.”

You’re not completely satisfied with the answer, you have more questions now than you did before but you managed to collect one piece of information.

Joel wants you.

It wasn’t a flat-out rejection more like a, ‘let's put a pin in that’ and you have enough faith in him to believe he wouldn’t string you along. So you sniffle, put your big boy pants on as you wipe your tears, and tap Joel on the shoulder, turning his gaze to you. You take a deep breath and speak.

“Yesterday’s events are forgotten.” You say it with a light smile but you’re betrayed by one stray tear as it rushes down your face. Joel’s expression crumbles at it, in so much pain, so heartbroken at the thought that he had caused it. Despite his feelings, he nods at you and gets up. “Get ready. You’re in the fields today, darlin’.” He hits the door frame with a grateful smile before walking away to let you get changed.

Leaving you in your hopeful sadness. 

------------------------------------

Things were rocky at first. Neither of you were actually able to forget about ‘what happened’ as Joel so lovingly put it. You expected too much from him and he was still too cold toward you. For the first month, you guys were basically in an argument. It was as though the town couple, the gruff old man and the re-tamed angel, had broken up. 

Everyone knew that you were hooking up with Jared, he wouldn’t shut up about it. Joel and the townspeople had heard of his sexual conquests over and over since he arrived, before he set his sights on you.

When he first approached you, you had already gotten out of your ‘phase’ and were too captivated by Joel to entertain him for even a second. However, he was quite popular among the other town women, he was popular with women even before the outbreak so he couldn’t believe when you rejected him. Not that he was shocked, he fully did not believe you. In turn, he never stopped pursuing you… much like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast.

So when Joel broke you, you slipped back to how you were before him… You went to Jared. You don’t know if you were hoping he could put you back together or if you wanted him to help you cut Joel with the shards of your heart but the latter is what ended up happening. 

You wanted to cut it off with Jared the moment Joel found out. When Jared started parading around the town with you next to him as if you were genuinely interested. But you didn’t.

Instead, you kept seeing him for a few more weeks. You watched Joel avoid you like the plague, ducking out of every room you walked into, switching his jobs with people who had the worst ones just so he didn’t have to work with you. You enjoyed making him squirm, showing him that you could just move on if he’s not ready to step up. You were a highly sought-after woman, a piece of art who he wanted to keep in the garage until he found the right spot. No, you refuse. Until you came across him alone at the bar one night. 

He was obviously drunk, a beer in hand but his cheek on the table. There was a song playing that he was loosely singing along to. His other hand was in the air, waving his finger around like he was conducting an orchestra. You storm over to his booth. 

Watch him suddenly sober up and head home. Watch him suddenly remember some plans he made or something he forgot to do. Watch him just get up and leave me again. 

You sit down across from him and wait for him to notice you. You’re just watching him. His eyes are closed and his eyebrows furrow as he tries to hit each high note. He’s failing, not hitting them perfectly but still getting to an impressive pitch. It’s too endearing to see him like this, so open, unburdened.

You didn’t even know he could sing this well. Your anger and bitterness fades for the first time in weeks. Your head tilts and a soft smile invades your face, as if sensing this Joel finally opens his eyes. 

They’re so soft, probably because he thought he was alone, his guard is dropped. You’re waiting for them to go back up at the sight of you. But they stay so soft as he gasps gently. “Honey! Wha- When did you get ‘ere” His voice is softer too… not as rough and gruff as it usually is. 

He also doesn’t sound angry. After all he’s done to avoid you, you’d expect him to sound angry. You chalk it up to the alcohol. 

“I’ve been here. You just never noticed.” When your voice reaches Joel it's gentle, like how you’d speak to a child but not patronizing. He likes it. He swears he can feel your voice washing over him, running through his hair and caressing his cheek. He smiles at it, at you as a blush rises to his cheeks. 

“S-so you-” He looks down at the table, his eyes moving back and forth as he thinks. “Did you hear m-” You can’t help the laugh that slips out. Your hand comes up to cover your mouth but you’re still obviously smiling. “Oh.” That’s all he says as you let your laughs out. 

“I’m- Not laughing at you, Joel. I- I swear.” Laughs break up your sentence as Joel stares at the table. “Oh- I’m so sorry. God. You really didn’t notice me here! That’s what was so funny not your singing I swear.” You let out a little giggle at the end but Joel is frowning. 

“This s���why I don’ sing in front of no one.” He’s picking at the wood and grumbling to himself. You’d find it all incredibly annoying if it wasn’t Joel doing it. 

“Joel.” You’re stern but still gentle as you speak. “I told you it wasn’t your singing. The singing was great. I was so fucking impressed. I had no clue you could even sing like that.” You watch a smile creep onto his face as you praise his talent. He’s still looking at the table, wanting to stay angry but he can’t. Your smile widens the longer you watch him until he takes a swig of his beer. 

“Why are you so drunk?”

The words tumble out before you can stop them and Joel pauses mid-sip. He’s frozen like that before slamming it onto the table and looking at you. “ ‘M not drunk. ‘M not. But if I was…” He squints his eyes at you. “If I was- It’s probably cos the girl I want seems to want someone else.”

It feels like everything in the bar stops. Your breathing, your heart, the music, time, the world. Everything just stops. 

He got this drunk… over me?

He chuckles and finishes his beer as you sit there in shock. “Dunno why you’re doin’ all this. I know you knew. Jus’ thought-” He goes to take another sip and whines when there’s nothing. “Stupid fuckin-” He throws it across the room, astonishingly making it into the trash with a small mumble of ‘swish’. 

“Joel.” He turns back to you with a blank expression. “You never told me you liked me.” 

“Oh please.” His voice is mean, a bit sharp now. Your face contorts into one of disgust as he speaks. “You ain’t that dumb, honey. It was very heavily implied an’ you know it.” Your expression drops into a frown. His voice broke at the end, followed by a sniff and an aggressive rub from his sleeve over his nose. “B-but you’re still out there with fuckin’ Jared.” His voice shakes through the sentence, adding some anger at the end as you cringe at the sound of his name. You both were aware you didn’t have any honest feelings for Jared.

“Joel. You told me to pretend that… that night.” You look away from him, embarrassed at what should be a sweet memory. “You told me to pretend it never happened and then treated me like shit for no reason afterward. Certainly, you didn’t expect me to sit in that. There’s no way you thought I would tolerate it! So yeah, I went to get whatever affection I could, elsewhere since my best and main source ran fucking dry.” You can feel your anger towards him building back up as you speak, reliving the details of your guys’ downfall. It still hurt. 

“Certainly you didn’t- Why do you talk so damn proper?” He’s laughing to himself at his rendition of your voice but you’re nowhere near amused. You stand from your seat and look down at him, stopping his laughter instantly.

“Okay. Let’s talk about this when you’re sober, hmm? When you can be an adult? Stay on topic at least?” His brows furrow and his eyes leave yours. You stand there, waiting for him to respond but get nothing. “Cool, Joel. I’ll see you around then.” You sigh and turn away from him, disappointed.

The night had started so well, that you stupidly believed that you guys might be able to save your relationship. You should’ve known he was too drunk for the conversation but he shouldn’t have brought it up. If he knew he wouldn’t be able to have a serious conversation he shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. Now you’re both hurting all over again. He’s probably gonna grab another drink and you’re probably gonna go see Jared. 

“Please!” It’s frantic, desperate, and unsteady as it shoots out of his mouth. You freeze in your spot, halfway to the door and halfway from him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t wanna talk about it. Why fuckin’ would I? It hurts. You fuckin’— You hurt me… prancing around with that piece of shit- All I did was ask you to wait… just wait- for me to be ready to love you.”

You’re still standing in the middle of the room, facing the door. His voice was getting louder, closer as he spoke but you don’t turn. You could hear the emotion bleeding into his words, breaking his voice as he approached you. 

“But you- You couldn’t even wait for me! No. No, you had to go get— ah how’d ya put it? Affection elsewhere- fuck off. You coulda just said you needed something from me. I could’ve given you affection.” His voice softened after cursing at you. It only grows softer as he speaks. You can feel him behind you, maybe a few steps away but you don’t turn.

You don’t wanna see him, lose your edge, your nerve. “I- I would’ve given it to you if I knew, darlin’. I was tryna keep my distance, waitin’ for you to get over me and look! You did. I- I just wish you had told me, instead of havin’ t’hear it from fuckin’— fuckin’ Jared.”

His voice dies down for a moment and you turn around. His hair is everywhere, he must’ve been running his hands through it as he spoke. His eyes aren’t teary but they look like he could cry at any moment, he looks tired and his lips are bitten red.

“I would’ve understood. Or- Or maybe I wouldn’t’ve I dunno. I just wish you woulda said somethi-”

You’re kissing him.

Fuck.

You are kissing him. You didn't mean to. You have no clue how your lips got to his but they’re all over them. He’s groaning at you, pulling you in as you pull away.

“Fuck! I’ve got to stop doing that… jesus.” You’re looking at the ground as you wipe his slobber off your mouth. He’s silent, panting as he just stands there and your heart starts to race. 

It’s just like last time. Fuck. Why the fuck do I keep doing this shit.

Tears are already welling in your eyes and you decide to speak before he can send you away. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that… I know you need time or whatever.” You pause, giving him room to say anything but he doesn't. You want to look up at him, see what he’s thinking, how he’s reacting. But you don’t. 

“Yeah… I’m gonna go.” You turn around and finish your walk to the exit. You grab the handle and stop. “I- I’m gonna cut things off with Jared…” You stay silent for a bit, trying to decide whether you should say your next words.  “I do need your affection though, Joel.” You rushed out the door after that.  

------------------------------------

You just want to fuck him already. It’s been months now, of this back and forth. To be clear, you do still want him romantically, how could you not? This man, when his hair is fluffy and soft just like him. When you see his expression now light up when you walk into the room. When he builds you little trinkets in the shop, instead of doing the job he was assigned to. When he makes your favorite for dinner after finding out that you’re having a bad day. When he plans movie nights featuring your favorites that he could find on DVD. 

How could you not love him?

It scares you. The “situation-ship” you both were currently in started a few months ago. Actually… It started exactly four months and three weeks ago. There’s no point in pretending you haven’t kept track. Joel told you that he needed time. You would have never expected it to be this much time but you’ve grown to love and crave him over the months.

He listened to what you said at the bar that night. He’s been giving you so much affection it’s actually making the other women in the community quite jealous of you. He hasn’t kissed you yet but he kisses your cheek, your forehead, and- when he’s drunk or high enough- your neck. You don’t kiss him anymore. You’ve kissed his cheek a few times over the months, his head once when he was sick but other than that you try to keep to yourself. You’re still a bit traumatized from his first rejection, the way it played out, and everything. You’d rather just not risk it.  

You’re in the garden and he’s in the field. You’re planting flowers, pulling and re-planting vegetables while Joel is harvesting the wheat he planted four months ago and tilling the land for the new seeds. You keep looking over at him, you really can’t help it at this point. 

The sun is shining through his hair, making it a dark golden color with streaks of white running through it. His arms are smudged from handling the dirt all day and his biceps flex repeatedly as he picks the kernels off of the wheat and throws them into his basket. His eyebrows are creased and his eyes squinted to avoid the burning light of the sun and he keeps looking over at you. He really can’t help it at this point. 

You look so beautiful, sitting on your knees with your adorably mismatched gardening gloves. Your hair falls so angelically every time you lean forward to lead a new plant to its home. Every time you sit back up you use the back of your wrist to try and shove the hair from your face, sputtering out, trying to blow the hair away and it's so endearing. Your arms are dirty and he feels the incredibly odd urge to bathe you. He’s ready to love you. He’s so fucking ready but he has no clue— not even the slightest— as to how he should tell you. 

The current supervisor calls it a day and you almost fall face-first into the plants in your scramble to get to Joel. He’s taking off his gloves, flexing and stretching his fingers when he sees you rushing toward him with a huge smile he can’t help but mirror. “Hey, darlin’. You look so beautiful today.”

You freeze where you stand which luckily isn’t too far from Joel. He makes his way over to you, watching your expression. He loves it so much, he doesn’t understand how he never noticed it before. The way you always take a deep, shaking breath, your eyebrows go inward and you give him this look. He doesn’t understand it yet but it always makes him ache for you, makes him burn somewhere in the depths of his being to just be with you. He doesn’t know how long he can resist it. He doesn't want to. He doesn’t.

“I’m- I think I really- I just really wanna kiss you.” You snap out of your daze and your eyes focus on him, hopeful for a moment then a little dull. You turn your head, give him your cheek, close your eyes, and wait for the gentle kiss but nothing happens. You slowly open your eyes and look at him, he looks scared. “I wanna kiss you.”

You can hear your heart speed up, your breaths getting shorter and your thoughts more jumbled.

He wants to kiss me?

You’re confused for a moment, not understanding what brought this on. You’re eyes slip from his contact as you lose yourself in your thoughts, not realizing the silence you’re creating or the anxiety you’re causing. But Joel realizes, he’s sweating more than he has all day as he waits for you to say something, do something. He shifts his weight from foot to foot before giving up. “We don’t have to… I just- I wanted to…” He tries and fails to keep the sadness out of his voice.

His words strike fear in you and you reach out to grip his arm, hoping it’s enough to stop him from walking away. “Y-You wanna kiss me? On the… on the lips?” He’s surprised by your voice, it sounds far away, loose, and airy.

“I do.” It comes out with no hesitation, no stutters, no pause. You take a step closer to him and his expression twitches, his chest beginning to heave with anticipation. 

“I would really love that, Joel.” You’re staring up at him now, as best you can in the sun. You’re looking into his eyes, an excited, mischievous glint in your eyes, challenging him, daring him to do something. And he loses his nerve. 

“Oh! Okay. Thats… Thats good. I- I want you to come over later, alright? I’ll get us some weed and alcohol. You don’t need to bring snacks or nothin’ either jus- jus bring yourself, alright? Okay, see you then.” And with that, he walked off. His cheeks were absolutely burning. He couldn’t believe himself 

‘That's good’? What the fuck is wrong with you, Miller? Leaving that darlin’ girl standing in the sun like that? It just ain’t right, she’s so sweet on you and you fuckin’ know it. I gotta stop doin’ this to her…

You’re watching Joel walk away. A bit stunned by the whole interaction, confusion, and questions swarm your head the whole walk home. They stick with you in the shower and as you get ready to head over to Joel’s. They accompany you on the whole walkover as well.

Maybe he wants me to do something… I know people like it rough, so maybe he wants me to take charge? He doesn’t really seem the type. Does this mean he wants me now? Will he kiss me tonight? Is that why he invited me over? Are we gonna have sex? Oh god, I hope so. I’d treat him so well- or maybe I wouldn’t since everyone likes it rough. 

You’ve reached his block when you’re stopped by Susan; Joel’s biggest admirer. She places herself in front of you, blocking your path and forcing you to talk to her.  “Oh, he’s not in, hun.”

You take a calming breath and try not to roll your eyes at her. “Okay… Well, I’m gonna check, just in case.” You turn your steps and try to make your way around her only for her to place herself right back in your way. 

“I’m gonna be honest I- I don’ really get this whole thing with you an’ him. I just- I guess I don’ really see it… Do ya’ know what I mean?” You glare at her, ignoring her statement and waiting for her to just get out of your way. “I mean…” She steps closer to you. “I remember when you first got here…” 

You can feel shame and embarrassment curl in your stomach at the mention of your arrival. You weren’t in the best place, mentally, and you did a lot- a lot- of things that you wished you hadn’t, lots of men you wished you hadn’t. “Don’t be an ass, Susan.” She backs away from you, a sinister smile on her face and her hands in the air. 

“Hey! I’m” She laughs. “I’m jus sayin’... You were interested in a lot of different guys!” You start walking, refusing to listen to what she has to say. But the psycho bitch follows you. “I mean are you even sure that it’s him that you want? Weren’t you with Jared just a few months ago? I mean…” 

You’re speed-walking to Joel’s now. You’re only a house away when she hops in front of you again. “Hun! I told you he ain’t home! I’m just-” She sighs and lowers her head as you crane your neck, hoping and praying Joel had made his way to the porch by now. But he hasn’t. “If you just want a man I can set you up with some of my friends! Some people who are… Gosh! How do I say this without bein’ rude? Some people who are more in your… lane… league?” Your head whips back at her, fury raging in your eyes at her audacity. 

“Excuse me?” You question, low and threatening. “Well. Hun, c’mon now, don’t get all bent outta shape, I mean well! You and I both know Joel is too… hmm, well. He’s too good for you I guess.” You’re not staring at her, you’ve turned your head to the patch of sky you can see through the trees beside you, choosing to count the stars instead of listening to this shit. 

“I’d strongly disagree.” You can hear her gasp and spin around as a smile spreads over your face.

Joel. 

“Oh! I- I thought you weren’t home, sugar.” She tries to lean into him but he walks around her and grabs your arm, pulling you past her with a mumble of “Yeah. I know.”, ending the conversation. 

Joel doesn’t speak until he’s gotten you inside. “I dunno why you listen to that woman. She spews nothin’ but garbage.” You watch him dart from cupboard to cupboard to retrieve his lighter and a little joint you can tell he rolled because it’s dented in the middle. “She’s always saying some dumb shit. I fuckin’ hate it.” 

His eyebrows are furrowed and his face is hard as he lights it up. You can’t remember the last time you’ve seen him so angry. You watch the tension fall from his shoulders, his face relaxing as he inhales. You take your shoes off, still watching him as a small smile spreads over his face and he exhales. “Are you gonna share Joel?” You ask as he goes in for another hit. 

“Hey-  Be nice darlin’, it’s mine after all.” He teases while handing it to you. You push yourself up onto the counter, sitting next to where he’s leaning as you take a drag. 

“Yours schmours, you’ll be fine.” He giggles— giggles— at your statement, his hand coming up to cover his smile as he laughs. All you can see are his pretty brown eyes, the creases around them, and the way they almost shut while he laughs. You feel your heart race, bringing along that urge that has gotten you in trouble many times over. Your eyes flicker to his lips and you immediately avert your gaze, taking another hit to try and calm yourself. 

You wait for him to come back up from his designated, folded, laughing position and hold the joint out for him. You snort at the misshapen stick, causing you to choke on the smoke you were holding. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s what you get for laughing. Mhm.” You’re coughing up a lung as he says this, making the situation worse because you cannot stop laughing at him. He continues his remarks after taking a hit, you’re still choking and laughing, and you hold an arm out to him. 

“Joel-” You cough. “Joel-” You laugh. “Joel, stop it. I’m- oh fuck.” You start coughing again in a way that has Joel turning to face you, amusement and a bit of concern on his face. “Oh my god, stop. I’m gonna die, don’t make me laugh- oh my god.” 

He’s beaming at you, proud that you find him so funny and the high really hitting him. You can tell, his eyes are a bit hazy and his eyebrows are raised for some reason. He walks towards you when your fit dies down, pushing himself between your legs with a dazed look on his face. He’s just staring at your thighs for a moment, his head turning from left to right so he can look at both of them before looking up at you. Your heart is thrumming out of your chest as you try to keep your expression neutral, maybe a bit inquisitive. He stares at your lips for a bit before you see his hand raising with the joint. He brings it to your lips and looks back up at your eyes, his eyebrows jump, prompting you to inhale. 

You take a long hit, trying to get as much smoke as you can, hoping it will calm you down. His eyes stay on yours, darkening as his breathing becomes a bit shallow. He pulls the joint away from your lips and puts it out right onto the counter before bringing his hand up to your cheek.

You haven’t exhaled yet, savoring the hit while he slowly brings your face to his. You’re watching his eyes, still on yours as he pulls you in. You begin to exhale, not wanting to hold the smoke in if he’s going to kiss you. That’s when he pushes your lips together. You try not to choke as he sucks the smoke out of your mouth and pulls away. You’re in a stupor as he grins at you and breathes your smoke out, re-lighting the fire in the pit of your stomach, the one that always seems to flare whenever he’s around.

“What’d ya think of that, huh? Good kiss or?” He’s wearing a smirk but his eyes are uncertain at your silence. You keep it up, not saying anything, just pulling him back in and smashing your lips into his. He accepts your kiss with a grunt from the force of it as his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you in. 

You’re gripping his hair like it's your lifeline, gripping his face like it’ll fall apart otherwise, it hurts a little but he’s fond of your eagerness. Your hands slide onto his shoulders and you dig your fingers into his skin brutally, pulling a wince from him. He separates your lips and strokes over your cheek with his thumb, admiring you. It's a soft, tender moment until you yank him by his belt loops, crashing him against the counter painfully to whisper in his ear. “I want you, Joel”

He smiles at this and kisses you again as you undo his belt. You remove it from the loops and let it drop to the ground so you can get to work on his button and zipper. You feel his lips stutter against yours and he pulls away, confused. “Not- not here, darlin’. ‘M not gonna do this in the kitchen.” He sounds a bit confused as he grips your hips and lifts you off of the counter and back onto the floor. They come back up to cradle your face again as he places a quick, soft kiss on your lips. “ ‘M gonna make love to you in my room, on my bed, baby.”

Make love..?

Confusion flows through your mind but you go along with him, assuming it’s just some outdated terminology. “Yeah? You gonna fuck me in your bed, Joel?” He is so shocked by your response. He doesn’t understand why you’re being so aggressive about it. He’s trying to be gentle, and loving but you seem to reject it. He gives you a brief but genuine smile before leading you to his room,

Your heart is racing as you follow Joel to his bedroom. This would be the first time you’ll be having sex with someone you care about, someone you love. You wondered if it would feel any different when he was shattering your hips with his own, would there still be that soft look of adoration in his eyes? You don’t see how the two could go together. 

You get to his room and he shuts the door quietly. “Can you stay still, honey?” He rolled his sleeves up, only halfway, showing off his thick forearms. He’s circling you as he questions you, holding eye contact and stopping in front of you. “I- I wanna undress you.”

Your throat feels like it’s closed. 

Undress me? Why would he want to- That doesn’t seem very time-efficient… Oh, but look at him. 

His eyes are silently and subconsciously begging you to let him. You let him. 

He takes a deep breath and his eyes rake down your body the moment you nod at him. He grabs your hips, pulling you to him with a boyish grin before running his fingers along the hem of your shirt. They tickle your skin softly as he brings them up, bunching the fabric before pulling it over your head. He looks right into your eyes as he does this. That soft look digs into your chest, it feels like you may explode. 

He only breaks away from your gaze to throw your shirt on a chair in the corner. He brings his empty hand to cup your cheek, stroking his thumb across your skin as a sort of apology for diverting his attention. He looks back at you with a smile so gentle you may melt. 

Your knees almost give out when he unbuttons your pants, he sticks his thumbs in the back of your waistband, leaning into you. He’s so close. He’s so close. He’s smirking like he knows you want to kiss him. He leans forward, licking his lips before abruptly ducking down, pulling your pants with him. 

You let out a surprised squeal that has him smiling up at you. Your hand comes up to bury itself in his hair before you realize it. You admire the softness of it, how fluffy it is. His eyes droop, getting a foggy, clouded look in them as he stares up at you. 

Make it good for him. Everyone likes it rough. 

You pull it, much harder than necessary, and watch his eyebrows crease in what you assume is arousal as he grunts again. He lifts from his kneeling position and kisses you, a little harder than he did before. 

His hands were running down your back, cupping your ass, and then stroking down your thighs. He’s breathing heavily against your face as his hands squeeze your inner thigh. They roam all over your body but never go where you want them, where you need them. 

“Okay, Joel. Enough I need you. I- I need you.” He smiles underneath his bitten lip as you push him away and gesture to his entire body. “Take them off… Off!” 

You’re basically ripping your undergarments off and running to him, unbuttoning his shirt for him as he takes off his pants. The moment your hands push his shirt open he’s kissing you instead. He walks you both onto the bed, tripping over his pants with a giggle before landing safely on the covers. You waste no time in climbing over him, whining out when his cock rubs along your soaked pussy. He lifts himself to try and kiss you but you’re not looking at him. You’re trying to push his dick into your soaking, aching pussy. 

“Shit- Damn. Fuck, honey.” He slams himself back onto the bed, his hands tighten around your hips as you position your legs beneath you and slam your hips onto him. It fucking burns. You’re wet and wanting but he’s huge, the stretch of his fat cock burns inside you as his tip jams itself into your cervix painfully. You bit off more than you can chew. Joel is grunting harshly beneath you so you power through, attempting to hide your grimace as you let out half-honest moans. 

“Fuck- No. No, no, stop, baby.” His hands force you down and hold you there, rendering you immobile as he sits up. You’re watching his abs clench as he sits up with no assistance but his pure muscle, your eyes only move to his face when he clears his throat. 

You’re embarrassed now, under the impression that you’ve done something wrong, something he didn’t like. You wouldn’t know what to do if that were the case… You were doing what you normally do… You don't know any special moves or anything like that. “Did- You didn’t like it..?”

You ask as timidly as possible, hoping he could hear it and would be gentle. 

“I- I mean I guess but it’s not what I want.” Confusion and a bit of anger flares inside you. How were you supposed to know what he wanted? 

“Okay well, what do you want then, Joel?” His brows furrow and he brings a hand up to caress your face again. 

“I want to make love to you. I told you that.”

There’s that fucking term again. 

“I don’t know what that means, Joel! Isn’t it the same as fucking? I don’t get it.” His brows unfurrow instantly, becoming soft and a bit upturned in what seemed to be concern. And to add insult to injury… you can feel him softening inside you. 

“What do you mean?” His voice is much softer than yours, but it frustrates you. You struggle not to roll your eyes at him. 

“I do not know what that means. I do not understand.” You talk slower than necessary, not actually explaining anything. You’re being a brat.

He tilts his head at you, giving a gut-wrenching, disappointed look. He kisses your cheeks and tells you to be nice, that he’s just trying to understand you.

“No… It’s not the same as fuckin’. It’s gentle and lovin’. It’s me takin’ my time with you, gettin’ you to open up for me.�� You can feel his dick filling back up, stretching you out beautifully.

“It’s me learnin’ about what you like, showin’ you what I think you’d like, and getting you to cum around me and for me as long as I can. It’s more focused on- on love rather than lust.” He sighs quietly. “I’m- I’m bettin’ you’ve never had that though…” 

You hear sadness leak into his voice as he ends his sentence, watching you avert your gaze. He watches frustration and shame creep onto your face. “So what? I don’t even- I don’t think I even like it that way. Slow? It already takes me long enough to cum… I don’t need to be here for hours on end, Joel.”

He shakes his head at you sadly. “You would like it, baby.” He has one hand back on your hip as the other spreads out, his large hand spread over your back as he slowly flips you both over, resting you on the bed softly. “I- fuck, I know you’d love it, honey.”

His words resonate deep in your core, bringing a new wave of wetness to run over his cock. “Oh-” His hips stutter into yours as though he could feel the extra cream flowing over his dick. “Yeah, oh you’d- I think you’ll like it, darlin’”

He places you on the bed and finishes talking before kissing you and raising to straighten himself out. His hips thrust slowly into yours and fuck does it feel good. I mean of course it does, Joel is towing over you like a Greek god and his cock is sliding within your walls smoothly, stimulating every nerve it comes across. You start to buck your hips, impatient with the slow build of the pleasure. You wanted something explosive, something that will leave you heaving for breath and you cannot comprehend how you could possibly get there like this. 

Joel smiles, shakes his head at your agitation, and presses his hands down onto your sporadic hips, forcing them to stay on the bed. “No. Softly, baby. Be gentle with me, c’mon.” He continues his rhythm before, rocking into you with breathless pants. Your pleasure felt just out of reach and it was insanely maddening. “Calm down.” He tells you in a low, warning tone. You swear he can read your mind. 

“Tell me.” He leans down so his lips are right by your ear. He places a kiss on your temple and looks down at where the two of you connect, shoving his hair in your face. “Do you like this?” He keeps at his regular pace, the frustrating, agitating, insanely maddening pace. “Or… Do you-” He lets out a shuddering sigh right next to your ear, your eyes nearly rolling back at the faint sound. “Or do you like this?”

His pace changes into something indescribable. His hips are swiveling into yours and hitting eighteen different pleasure points at once. Your arms come up to grip his biceps, one instantly sliding down to his lower back to encourage him to keep it up.

“Oh-” You sound shocked and out of breath. “Oh. I like that one, Joel. This one. I like this one- please” His pace speeds up and he moans at the sound of your whimper. His attention is finally pulled from where you both meet and he’s looking right into your eyes.

This man and his fucking eye contact. 

It’s doing something to you… the way he’s looking at you. It’s burning into your stomach and has you clenching around him, pulling another ragged, angelic moan from his lips, hitting your lips directly due to his position. You lean up and kiss him as much as you can, most of your brain had shut off the moment he flipped you both over. 

He was hitting so deep inside you, a whole section that you didn't know existed. His cock is slowly sliding over every ridge in your pussy, his veins stimulating your sensitive walls. “Joel-” 

It slips out like a whimper as your moans release. You’re suddenly on 100% volume, unable to hold anything in. You never learned how. You thought you just didn’t moan against your own will, never having been in enough pleasure to let out authentic moans. 

Your hand comes from his lower back to slap over your mouth, desperately trying to hold all your noises in but Joel rips it away. “Don’t do- fuck you feel so fuckin’ good-“ His voice is shaking and breathless.

“Fuck, don’ cover up your- your moans, please. Fuck I wanna hear ‘em” He intertwines your fingers with his and holds your hand next to your head. He straightens himself as much as he can while keeping your fingers interlocked so he can grind into you more deliberately. He’s angling himself a million different ways until you convulse onto yourself. You try to hold in a scream as he fucks into… something. It’s almost painful, the way pleasure punches through your body with every thrust. 

“Yeah?- God fuckin’ dammit."

His hips stutter as you involuntarily suffocate his dick in your pussy. “Fuck- Is that it? Your special spot, honey? I got it dead on, huh?” He’s wearing an irritatingly calm smirk as he teases you. You, on the other hand, can barely breathe.

You’re clawing at anything you can get a hold of, his arms, the back of his neck, his back. You feel like you could cry- or throw up at the otherworldly pleasure Joel is forcing onto you. Your mouth is perpetually open, spewing out moans every other second. Your eyes keep rolling back into your head despite your attempts to look at Joel. You can’t even wrangle together enough thoughts to coherently explain how good it feels, how good he’s making you feel. “Jo- Joel. F-” You’re cut off with a whine as he pushes himself into you more forcefully.

“Joey, please- You’re right it’s s’much better. Shit- Joel!-” You let out a more devastating moan than you have all night, causing Joel to groan out in response. Your eyes open to look at him and he’s staring right at you, his eyes are something you’ve never seen, they’re dark and threatening, like a lion stalking its prey. But in this situation the lion is in love with the gazelle, it’s evident in his eyes, all over his face as he moans for you. 

“Of course ‘m r- right- Fuck, you’ve really got no clue how- how fuckin’-” His statement melts into a whimpering moan as he bends back down to moan into your ear. “You feel fuckin’ heavenly, darlin’.”

It creeps up on you out of fucking nowhere. A moan rips through your chest and destroying throat as you cum around him, his words pushing you to the edge. “Oh fu-uck. Yeah? S’that good, baby? Fuckin’- fuckin’ c-cumming all over my cock with no warning, love? Oh fuck me you’re s-so good, sweetheart.” 

His words fuel your world-demolishing, soul-shattering, mind fucking-ly amazing orgasm. You can feel the pleasure coursing through your veins like molten gold. Your entire body is vibrating, you’re lifting off the bed into an ethereal plane as Joel keeps thrusting into you, moaning soft praises in your ear as you gush all over his cock.

Your eyes are permanently in the back of your skull as your hand runs frantically all over his body, trying to find something to ground you, to keep you from flying away on the cloud of pleasure Joel was providing for you. 

He slows his thrusts in favor of you. Your moans had begun to get a bit desperate, all over the place, feverish and distraught as your pleasure bubbled over into overstimulation. Joel is kissing your neck softly, whispering even more soft words laced with love as your soul returns to your body with a broken whine of his name. He pulls his face out of your neck with a smile, his hips still thrusting into you slowly, just toeing the line of overstimulation. It has you losing your mind. You’re writhing against him as he smirks at you. “Do you want more? I can keep going, baby. I’ll go slow, soft, just like this.” 

He gets a bit breathy at the end, his free hand comes up to cup your face as the one holding yours tenses for a moment. His head drops onto your shoulder as most of his body collapses onto you.

He’s still thrusting into you gently as he groans out against your neck. “Fuck me. You’re turning me into a fuckin’ teenager again.” He grunts out a whine into your skin. “Can’t fuckin’ control shit. O-oh I wanna make you cum again, sweetheart.” His hips speed up as he rambles to you. You lean away from him a bit, forcing his head from your shoulder, and turn to look at him. 

He looks so wrecked. His lips are trembling, glossy, and red from all his biting. You didn't even notice. His eyes are on yours but they regularly lose focus, rolling into his head with a groan. “You’re makin’ me feel so fucking good, love. I just want you to feel as good- I wanna make you cum again.” He sounds more desperate than you could’ve ever imagined, your hand slides up the back of his neck and buries itself in his hair, scratching at his scalp softly, causing his eyes to cross lightly as he moans against you, hips stuttering. “Let me. Let me, let me. Let me pl-lease”

His unabashed begging has you clenching around him erratically, pulling a ruined groan from his lips. “M-make me cum again, Joel. C’mon, baby. I want-” He’s already moaning into your mouth as you speak, his hips fucking into you unsteadily. You’re already close from the intensity of the moment, Joel’s hand cradling your face, your hand in his hair. His head is resting against yours, forehead to forehead but his eyes are still open, piercing your soul and your heart with the love that's residing in them, it has your pussy clenching around him desperately. He’s moaning out shamelessly, loudly, and right into your face, into your mouth. 

“I’m gonna- I need you to c-cum. Holy sh-” You cut him off with a wet, searing kiss that’s mostly groans and whines into the mouth of the other. Your hips lift off the bed to buck into him softly, grinding your clit into the patch of curls that rests on his pelvis. He’s smiling at your movements, the contrast in how they were when he started with you.

“Y-yeah. Good, baby. Soft. Just l-like that, sweetheart. You’re so fuckin’ pure.” His eyes roll back into his head as your pussy begins to flutter around him. You can feel it this time, building inside you. The coil in your stomach tightens as you feel the angelic feeling inch back into your veins. Your hands grip his hair more desperately, pulling his ear to your lips as your orgasm begins to spill over. 

“I’m- I’m cumming, Joey.” You’re voice stabs into him. The high-pitched and desperate, shocked innocence in it has him twitching inside you. His pace is ruined the moment you utter those words into his ear. He can feel his eyes shoot to the back of his head as he falls into your shoulder again and starts to cum inside you. 

It’s more than heavenly, cumming at the same time as you. His cock is throbbing, shooting out thick, heavy, ropes of his cum inside you as your pussy pulses in time with him, milking him for everything he has. He can’t breathe, all the air has punched out of him as he tries to warn you that he’s cumming.

He wants to moan out for you, call your name over and over to hear you work yourself up into those whining moans you can’t help but let out. He gathers enough strength to push himself up and look at you. He feels like a whole new round of cum spews out of him at the sight. Your eyes are crossed as you moan out at the ceiling. He’s vaguely aware of the way your hand has twisted and tightened in his hair as you cum, your nails digging into his other hand.

He’s smiling through the second round of cum that pumps into you, deliriously happy with how hard he’s made you cum. You sound like you’re in the same situation as him, all the air suddenly gone from your lungs. You’re just letting out barely perceptible moans of his name on loop. 

His thighs shake as his dick finally stops pouring into you. He looks down at the ring of white sitting on the base of his dick and groans. He looks back up at you, wanting to show you the mess you’ve made on him but you’re still so far gone. Your pussy pulses around him arrhythmically as you mutter up at the ceiling, your hand stroking through his hair subconsciously. 

He’s able to come down before you. He pulls out and lays next to you, his head on your chest while he’s muttering those same, soft praises into your ear as your soul tries to find its way back to your body again. You follow the sound of his low praises, grounding you and pulling you back to reality. “-baby. I’m so in love with you. Thank you so fuckin’ much for waitin’ for me, I know it was hard, but I love you so fuckin’ much. You’re so incredible, so so incredible, baby. The best lady I know, the only lady I wanna know. You-” You have a faint, tired smile spreading across your face as he goes on, sounding more out of it than you feel.

“I love you so much, Joel.” You mean to say it softly, fondly but it comes out as something more like a sob. He gasps and looks up at you, that’s when you notice the tears that have escaped your eyes. “This is so embarrassing…” Your hands wipe at your escapee tears furiously as Joel watches you in shock.

“Hey,” He starts to wipe some of your tears away alongside you, although much more softly than your own hands. “ S’not embarrasin’.” He places an endearing kiss to your lips. “I think it’s so fuckin’ cute. The cutest things I’ve seen in years, honestly.” 

You giggle at his exaggeration and kiss his cheeks. “I’m bein’ serious, baby.” He’s giggling too now, placing kisses all over your face, stopping every tear that slips out with his lips.

“I love you so much, Joel.” You take a deep breath as his kisses slow. “It feels like my heart is being choked, squeezed, and like thrown around in my chest whenever I’m with you. I don’t even have the vocabulary to explain how much I feel for you.” 

His eyes are wide and a bit watery as you speak. One hand is on the top of your head, running over your hair as you speak while the other is on your him, his thumb stroking over the skin, sometimes lifting to draw specific patterns. “I wish I had a way to make you feel what I feel toward you, Joel. It’s so fucking much. I feel like it’s gonna explode and pour out of every orifice.” He chuckles and kisses you again, this one feels more emotional, more loving, grateful, and comforting. 

“There you go, talkin’ all proper again.” He kisses you again shortly. “I- I feel the same way darlin’. Except I know even less words to use to explain it to ‘ya. Fuck I- I fuckin’ I wish I could tell ‘ya. You- You feel like- like my whole existence. If that makes sense… No, no it doesn’t, does it? Damn. I- Shit.” You place a hand on his face and make him look at you. 

“You don’t have to say as many things as I did. You’ve already shown me that you love me through your actions… through this. I didn’t even know it could be like that, Joel. That it could- could feel that… good. I didn’t know it was a thing, and then you came in- with all your love and softness, and you showed me a whole new side of everything. I already know… is what I’m trying to say. I know you love me, Joel. I just hope you know that I love you.”

A single tear slips out of his baby cow eyes and he quickly wipes it away with a smile. “I- I know, baby. Trust me, I know.” He smiles wider and brighter than you’ve ever seen, he’s blinding you with its beauty before laying back down on the bed next to you. He wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you onto him. 

“You’re gonna stay, right? Sleep in here with me?” You shake your head disapointedly against his stomach.

“Obviously, I’m staying here, Joel.” The sigh of relief he lets out almost breaks your heart. You place a few kisses on his belly for reassurance. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He chuckles at your words and sounds far away, sleepy, adorable. “Okay… Good. Good, I want you to stay… ‘M gettin’ tired though, honey.” As if on cue, a yawn makes its way up and out of your mouth. “Yeah, me too. Goodnight, Joey.”

He sighs, and you can’t see it, but a smile splits his face the moment he hears the nickname. “G’night, my love.”

thank you so much for reading!! please please please give any feedback you may have! I want it all! also if you liked it please take a look at my masterlist!

[beefis]

Maybe I’m in a weird mood tn but I can’t get the image of Cheol wanting to eat you out so bad he’s crying out of my head. Like I just know he gets in that intense anxious headspace and cannot handle himself or his own thoughts and they catch up to him so strongly that he doesn’t have another outlet except crying. Wanting something so bad he can’t even verbalize it, just strong tightness in his chest until it explodes. He’s crying before he even knows he is, and falling on the floor with blurry ass eyes too choked up to speak and just trying to nose your legs apart like a dog.

And if you give him what he wants he just cries harder because he doesn’t have to fight it anymore. He’s just dragging his face against your thighs and making them all sticky with tears. If you tease and keep your underwear on he nearly has to give up because it’s all too much!!

idk he’s totally the type of guy to get stuck in loops in his own head until it’s all he can think about and of course he’s gonna need help to fix whatever his problem is. It’s always just a tiny thought about you in the middle of the day, one that flickers by so fast he has to think about exactly what it was in case it was important (it’s about you, of course it is). That’s where the trouble starts. By evening he’s pacing his room, and swallowing around knots in his throat and trying to think of anything else. But what brings him the most comfort and distraction? Exactly who he can’t keep thinking about. So when he finally collapses in front of you it’s just too much and he’s a wreck. But god if being in your arms isn’t so good. a hug after an anxiety attack doesn’t slow your heart but it’s like pouring cold water on your head and it makes everything better. You make everything better.

It’s not just the urges and the overwhelming waves of need that’s making him cry, it’s the relief. Thank god he can bury his head between your thighs and get wherever he needs to to feel ok. Shaky hands finally steady enough to help with what his tongue can’t do. Basically using your crotch as a lifeline, where you’re warm and solid against his cheeks and with something grounding and so real in his mouth. Shuddering breaths in between licks and eventually breathless ‘thank you’s. Completely collapsed against your thigh, cheeks and chin wet with spit and cum and tears, finally managing a sheepish weak smile when you bend down and grab his face with your hands.

It’s 4 am

[xmads-omensx]

Take Me To The Lakes

Masterlist

Word Count: 3,833

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Reader

Content Warnings: fluff, mentions of burnout, England idk, a little sad in places (but not loads), kissing

Summary: Y/N takes Noah away to relax away from work and California.

I woke up this morning with a burning desire to go back to the Lake District, so here. (this is very self-indulgent so sorry in advance lol)

Noah had been distant lately. It wasn’t like we had a fight, or weren’t getting along. He was just distant. He spent more and more time in the studio, at the gym, or out for runs. I barely saw him. He would just crawl into our bed hours after I had gone to bed and pull me into his chest, and would be gone by the time I woke up.

This had been going on for about two weeks when he pulled me into our bedroom and sat me beside him on the bed.

He had sighed and told me that the band were cancelling the upcoming European tour due to their collective exhaustion and burn out. Part of me was glad that they were taking time off. They all needed it. For the last two years they had been touring practically non-stop.

I held him and made sure he knew that he was going to be okay, and that he deserved a break after all the hard work he had done.

However, despite his promise to take time for himself and time to relax, he still snuck away into the studio. I had to do something or I would never get him to leave.

I took some time to think about where I felt the most at peace. What it was that helped me to escape.

Then it hit me.

Noah needed to physically escape. There was no way that he would be able to settle or find any sense of calm when he was still in his working headspace here in California. There was too much noise, too much happening, too much temptation to work.

He needed to get away from here.

Thinking back on what helped me, I remembered feeling most at peace being within nature, isolated from the bustling cities. Noah was much the same, which was one of the reasons we hit it off so well on our first date.

There was one place that always helped me to escape: The Lake District.

We used to go there often when I was younger, and it had always felt like it was in it’s own place, separated from the rest of the world. The lakes and tarns, the rivers, the towns, the trees, the breeze, everything about this place felt separated. Like it was inside of a bubble, protected from the outside world. It was safe. Secure. Hidden.

This was exactly what Noah needed.

I didn’t say anything to him so it would be a surprise, and went ahead and booked two weeks away for the two of us to escape. I spoke to the guys about it and they all said it was a great idea.

“Hey, why don’t you book another week?” Matt suggested.

“Another week? Why?” I replied.

“He needs a break, plus I have a plan.” He smirked at me, before explaining his plot to me in a low whisper. It was brilliant.

Later that week, I began packing two suitcases for myself and Noah, bringing a third for extra clothes as we would need to get Noah some proper hiking boots when we got there, so would need the extra space.

“What’s all this?” Noah asked tiredly, coming into our room to see me sat on the floor, surrounded by piles of folded clothes and bagged toiletries.

“Stuff.” I replied with a sly smirk.

“Stuff? For what?” He asked with a slight laugh.

“A trip.” I said with an innocent look on my face.

“Oh yeah?” He sat down behind me, wrapping his arms around my middle and pulling me into his chest. “What trip?”

“I’m kidnapping you and taking you away for three weeks.” I said, playing with the strings of his hoodie.

He sighed, “Babe, I have work, I can’t just take a trip.”

“I already talked to the guys about it and they said it was fine.” I quietly replied, feeling ever so slightly defeated.

“Really?” He sounded surprised.

“Yeah. I booked two weeks and Matt suggested I add another week on.” I said.

“Where are we going then?” Noah asked after a pause.

“Not telling.” I replied.

“Really?” He laughed, “You’re not telling me?”

“Nope.” I said, popping the p.

Noah laughed and pulled me closer into his chest, burying his head into the crook of my neck.

“Need help packing bub?” He murmured.

“No, it’s okay, I’m almost done.” I laughed.

Noah leant back against the bed and watched as I neatly laid out clothes into the suitcases. After watching and helping Noah pack for tour, I had become much more efficient at packing for longer periods of time whilst still keeping space for more things to go in.

That night Noah pestered me asking about where I was taking him like a little kid asking if we were nearly there yet. Each time, I laughed and told him he would find out when we arrived at our destination, and that he had to trust me and I promised that he would like it.

The next week had been a similar story, of Noah trying to ask me questions so that he could guess where I was taking him, but he was getting absolutely nothing from me, and it was driving him crazy. But at least it meant he wasn’t overworking himself.

The drive to the airport was the same. So was the flight. I even had to pretend to be asleep in order to get him to stop. It was nice to see him excited about something other than Bad Omens.

The next part of our journey was a little bit more stressful. We had a very small transfer window to get through the airport and onto the train that would depart from King’s Cross in about two hours. Noah, however, did not possess the same sense of urgency seeing as he hadn’t been to London unless it was for tour, so wanted to have a little look around. That look of wonder in his eyes almost made me slow down as we hurried out of the airport, but I couldn’t slow down. Besides, when we reached our destination he would be significantly more excited and intrigued as he had never been there before. Not even for tour.

I hailed a taxi and we began our journey through London to King’s Cross station. Noah simply resumed his questioning. The taxi driver, thankfully, noticed that Noah was American so began to ask him questions about what life was like on his side of the pond. He seemed particularly intrigued by the significant lack of roundabouts in the US, while Noah was surprised by the amount of roundabouts in London alone.

After arriving at King’s Cross, we ran for our train then boarded with no issues at all. This leg was quieter as we were both becoming increasingly tired and Noah took in the views of England that he hadn’t seen before. The cities became countryside, before becoming cities again, then going back to countryside until we eventually arrived at Keswick train station.

Noah had fallen asleep, with his head resting gently against the glass.

“Noah.” I whispered, squeezing his arm.

His eyes fluttered open and he gave me a tired smile.

“We’re here.” I whispered.

He nodded, unplugging his phone and grabbing his airpods case before standing up to grab our hand luggage out of the overhead compartment. He placed his hand on my shoulder as I led him out of the train, grabbing or suitcases on the way out.

Luckily, I had arranged for a rental car, so Noah would be able to get a bit more rest before we got to where we were staying.

I had always loved Keswick. When I was a kid I wanted to live here. It was the perfect mix of quiet and peaceful, with the busyness of tourists hurrying around the town centre. Plus, the fish and chips here were absolutely delicious.

I had book an Airbnb for the next three weeks, closer to Derwentwater itself. Sure, Windemere would have been preferable, but I needed Noah to understand my version of peace and escape.

There was a beautiful cottage nestled beside Friar’s Crag. It was more or less next to the water, with a nice pub and café nearby. We had stayed there a few times when I was younger, but usually aimed to stay more in the town itself so it would be more convenient.

The car ride itself was short. Noah gazed out the window the entire time, wonder filling his eyes. The views were, admittedly, spectacular. I didn’t blame him for his awe-struck expression as I found myself making that same face every single time I came here.

My plan was working.

We arrived at the cottage and unloaded our suitcases, bringing them up to the master bedroom. It was a four bed cottage, so was big just for two people, but I wanted Noah to have the best experience possible, and we needed the space for Matt’s part of the plan to work.

“So…” I began. Noah looked up from his unpacking. “What do you think so far?”

“It’s beautiful. I’ve never seen somewhere like it.” He said, with a slight laugh. “Honestly, I’m glad you did this.”

“Our trip hasn’t even started yet.” I laughed. Noah stood up and walked towards me, putting his hands on my waist.

“Okay then. What’s first on the itinerary then boss?” Noah smiled.

“We need to get you some proper boots.” I said firmly, smiling at him.

“What’s wrong with my shoes?” He laughed, glancing at the trainers sat by the front door.

“Well, you can’t hike in those things.” I replied, shaking my head as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Come on.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the front door.

We drove back into Keswick town centre with one specific goal in mind. Boots.

Noah looked insanely out of place in Cotswolds. He was the only person covered in tattoos, but most notably, the only one wearing joggers, a hoodie and trainers. The rest of the customers, myself included, were clad in hiking trousers and rain coats.

We walked straight to the back of the store, Noah followed behind me like a lost puppy. I knew exactly which ones he would need, I just needed him to try them on. He was hesitant at first, having never had tried on proper walking boots before, but I managed to persuade him to try them on. And they were perfect.

I also kitted him out with hiking trousers and a waterproof jacket, something that he would never need in California, but were a necessity here.

When we got back to the car, I made him climb into the backseat and change into his new trousers as I was taking him on his first walk. Sure, we hadn’t spent one day here yet, but he needed to wear in his boots.

We drove the roughly forty minutes to Tarn Hows listening to a mix of Hozier and other acoustic songs that put me at a sense of calm.

By the time we got there, the rain had already started, but that was not going to stop me from doing this walk. It had been one of my favourites since I was young, and I knew Noah would enjoy it. The route was flat, with amazing views of the mountains and the tarn itself.

“Are we seriously doing this?” Noah asked as we got out of the car.

“Yep.” I cheerily replied, zipping up my waterproof, pulling my hood up and shrugging on the backpack that was filled with water, snacks and sandwiches for later.

I grabbed Noah’s hand in mine and began the walk towards the gate.

Rain pattered off of our hoods and formed muddy puddles on the dirt path, covering Noah’s brand new boots which he was not a fan of as he was hell-bent on keeping them clean. I assured him that it would be virtually impossible to do that here. His reasoning was that he felt bad getting them dirty as I bought them for him. I assured him that it was fine but I don’t think he really acknowledged it.

Our walk was filled with light conversation about animes we had watched recently, mild drama within my friendship circle, new bands we had discovered and comfortable silence as we listened to the rain on the leaves and against the water.

The walk was over before I knew if and we hurried into the car to hide from the rain and eat our sandwiches. I had made myself a cheese and onion sandwich with salted crisps, and I made Noah a chicken, bacon and ranch sandwich. I had bever made one before, but if he didn’t like it, he didn’t let onto it.

Noah ran from the car to the bin as quick as he could, but ended up tripping on a tree root and falling headfirst into a puddle. I couldn’t hold back my laughter as he pushed himself back to his feet and kept jogging back to the car as if it had never happened.

Mud dripped down his face and the front of his jacket. His knees were coated in mud and his boots were soaked.

He dropped onto the passenger seat with a sigh before turning to me. “If you tell anyone what you just saw, I will never forgive you.” He pointed his finger at me accusingly at me to emphasise his point. I swatted his hand away and we both burst out laughing. It was really nice seeing him laugh again. Properly laugh. Like he didn’t have a care in the world.

I drove us back to the cottage, where Noah immediately jumped into the shower as I finished unpacking our belongings.

“So, what’s the plan for dinner?” Noah asked as he stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist.

“I was thinking fish and chips.” I replied with a smile, placing the last of my socks in the drawer, before lifting up the suitcase to place it on top of the wardrobe. Noah took it from my hands and put it away for me with ease.

“I mean, you’re the one who knows what’s good, so I’m putting my fate in your hands.” I laughed and swatted his chest as he walked towards the bed, sitting on the edge of it, watching me gather my things to put in my handbag.

“I’ll go now then and get it. Why don’t you get dressed and find us something to watch?” I suggested.

“That sounds perfect.” Noah pulled me to stand  between his thighs before planting a deep kiss on my lips. He let me go and dropped back with a huff, lying on the bed.

“You’re so dramatic.” I laughed as I walked back towards the door.

“It’s literally my job to be dramatic.” He retorted, pushing himself up onto his elbows.

“Sure, you keep telling yourself that.” I giggled as I left the room.

Once I had acquired our meal, I headed back to the cottage. We spent the evening watching Twilight as the Airbnb only had DVD and for some reason only had that or some nature documentaries, which neither of us were too interested in that particular evening, before heading up to bed and falling to sleep more or less instantly.

The next few days were filled with exploring Keswick and hiking, before venturing to other towns like Ambleside. Noah seemed to really be enjoying his time here. He had put his phone on Do Not Disturb, whilst I kept mine on to keep in touch with Matt in regards to his plan.

The hiking was definitely something that Noah was excelling at. His time spent running and at the gym was becoming obvious the more we walked. He had even started venturing ahead of me as the first week became the second week.

Noah was very clearly doing better. He hadn’t been talking about work at all whilst we had been here. The dark circles under his eyes had lightened ever so slightly and he had been laughing, properly laughing like he had in that car, more often. His laugh was my favourite sound so it made me even happier.

He had even treated himself to a second waterproof jacket and another pair of hiking trousers. And I was definitely not mad about it, because he looked great in those trousers.

Our second week was coming to an end, and Noah sill had no idea about Matt’s plan, which was perfect. The evening was drawing to a close as Noah and I headed up to bed. I patiently waited for him to fall asleep before pulling my phone out and texting Matt to get a rough estimate of what time he would arrive at the cottage. They had just gotten on the train at King’s Cross, so I still had a good three or so hours to get a little bit of sleep before they arrived.

I set an alarm and cuddled back into Noah’s chest. I fell asleep quickly.

When my alarm went off three hours later, I hurriedly turned it off before looking back over my shoulder to see if I had woken Noah up. Luckily, he was a relatively heavy sleeper so he wasn’t awoken by the sudden noise.

I tiptoed down the stairs and into the living room, pressing call on Matt’s contact.

“Hey, Y/N.” He greeted, sounding very tired. It was about 2:30am, so that made sense.

“Hey, Matt. How was the flight?” I asked.

“It wasn’t too bad. I’ve been on worse flights.” He laughed.

“And the train?” I asked.

“Was actually early, so we are almost at the cottage.” Matt said with a yawn.

“Really?” I replied.

“Yeah. We are like two minutes out according to this GPS.” He said.

“Great. I’ll let you guys in and you’re more than welcome to go to straight to sleep if that’s what you want.” I yawned.

“That sounds great, actually.” He replied with a laugh.

“See you guys soon, then.” I smiled into the phone.

“See you soon.” He said, before hanging up.

I sat on the windowsill of the window that looked onto the driveway for about two minutes, just like Matt said on the phone, before a large, black car pulled up and seven men poured out of it, and started taking bags out of the boot.

I unlocked the front door as quietly as I could and greeted them all with a hug before telling them where the spare bedrooms were. They all moved slowly, like their limbs were weighted down with lead.

We all whispered our goodnights before I snuck back into bed beside Noah, who instantly reached out and pulled me closer to his chest. His soft snores lulled me back into a deep sleep.

I awoke to birds chirping outside, and a cold bed. Weird. Noah must have been up for quite some time. I could hear laughter from downstairs. I started to piece together where Noah was and headed downstairs to see everyone.

I was greeted by eight grown men all overlapping eachother on the sofas in the living room, watching some David Attenborough documentary about penguins. It was a wholesome sight. Matt, Nick, Folio and Bryan were piled up on one sofa, with Noah, Jesse, Jolly and Michael piled up on the other. I couldn’t resist taking my phone out and snapping a few photos of the chaos that was unfolding.

They didn’t seem to be bothering eachother, but were all comfortably sat practically on top of eachother. However Folio was actually sat on top of Matt’s lap very comfortably.

Jolly turned his head round to look at the doorway I had just entered through and waved at me, shouting “Morning, Y/N.” Causing the rest of the guys to turn to face me and copy his actions.

Noah turned and smiled, offering a, “Morning, baby.” Instead, causing the rest of the guys to make kissy noises at him. I simply laughed, sliding onto his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.

He whispered facts about the penguins that I had missed into my ear as my focus was drawn to the television in front of us.

We all sat in a blissful silence for the rest of the documentary before getting ready for the hike that I had promised them.

We piled into the two cars once we were all ready and head off for Cat Bells. It wasn’t an easy hike by any means, but was a good one for beginners. My plan was to take them on one with a fantastic view first, so that then they would be hooked and would want to go on more.

We began our walk up the trail, Noah and I falling to the back of the group, knowing to pace ourselves as I had taught everything I knew about hiking in The Lake District.

The rest of the guys tired out very quickly, allowing for Noah and I to take the lead and reach the top first.

We stood and admired the view, before Noah began to speak.

“How come the guys are here?” He asked.

“It was Matt’s suggestion, I just implemented it.” I began. “He said that a holiday wasn’t a bad idea, so I extended our trip and arranged for the others to have a week here as well.”

Noah smiled at me, but didn’t say anything.

“Did you have fun?” I asked.

“The most fun.” He replied with a content sigh.

It was bittersweet. Our trip was ending, meaning we had to go back to California. I considered it a second home, so I was looking forward to getting my routine back, but I also loved it here. Noah could see it all over my face.

“I’d like to retire here I think?” He said, turning back to face the view.

“Really?” I asked, taken aback slightly by his admission.

“Yeah. When we’re older, married, with some kids. Obviously we would have some dogs too.” He went on, as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

“That sounds nice.” I said with a smile, leaning my head on his shoulder.

“Thank you.” He said quietly after a moment of silence.

“For what?” I asked, looking back up at me.

“Taking me here. Away from everything else.” He explained. “You showed me your safe place, and I’m very grateful for that.”

“You needed a break, obviously I wanted to help.” I replied.

“You are amazing.” He said before kissing the top of my head.

I laughed at him. He laughed back. I loved his laugh. It bounced off of the surrounding mountains and fells, glided over the tarns and lakes and echoed in the caves. It consumed me.

No. He consumed me. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[musette22]

I wonder if Steve has a significant amount of imposter syndrome, especially when he came out of the ice. People had solidified this idea of him and expected him to excel and be that, hell even his teammates were just like oh I know all about you. (Expect maybe Thor, who I think was one of Steve’s closest friends in the beginning)

He can’t escape these expectations and if he goes against it, he’s berated for it. It’s made even worse with the serum, but at least with that he had the howling commandos to ground him and encouraged him. In the 21st Century there was no one to bounce of and the fact it would have been made worse by his survivors guilt.

Idk Steve is a character that has so many layers but gets over looked because he isnt allowed to fall into a vulnerable headspace. I kinda wished we saw more of that in his character, not in like a reflective sort of way but a kinda overwhelmed by everything portrayal. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense.

Oh absolutely, yes! I think you're completely right. I also think Steve struggles hugely with the expectations people have of him, the dichotomy between the persona & legend of Cap versus the real Steve Rogers. He had to get used to a whole new body first, and then on top of that, he also had to learn to deal with all those expectations and the idea(l) people have of him which he doesn't even recognise himself in, half the time. He doesn't feel worthy of all the attention and hero worship, constantly thinking that if only people knew the real him, they'd be sorely disappointed. At the same time though, I think he feels like the whole celebrity aspect of being Cap is empty and meaningless anyway, most of the time (except for when he can use his fame to do something good, of course, which he tries to do as much as he can because otherwise, what's the point?), so in a way I think he doesn't even want to live up to people's expectations of him. He is also known for his stubbornness and righteousness, after all 😉

And yeah, in the 21st century, there isn't anyone left who knows the real him, who can grab his shoulders and shake them and tell him that it's the real Steve Rogers, that little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight, who makes Cap great, that he is worth knowing and loving. That his ideas may be reckless and harebrained more often than not, but that he does what he does for the right reasons, because he is a good man first and foremost, even if others can only see a perfect soldier. He must've felt so enormously alienated and lost, those first few years 😔

While I love the idea that (most of) the Avengers would've ultimately come to understand and appreciate Steve for Steve too, the way things stood at the beginning of TWS, they definitely weren't there yet (thank god for Sam, who at least tried). Which is why I adore the kind of fics in which Bucky, after he comes back, is not only cared for and helped to get back to himself by Steve, but in which he also gets to care for and help Steve to get back to himself in return ❤️ Mutual healing, that's my jam 💫

And yes, Steve Rogers is actually a huuuugely layered and complex and interesting and underrated character, and I will die on that hill!!! The MCU unfortunately did not explore any of this nearly enough (in fact, they cut some of the scenes that would've been the most telling when it came to the state of mind he was in) and they massively oversimplified his character development for the sake of action/tony/heteronormativity/etc. I'll always wish we'd have gotten to see more of Steve's motivations and character in the movies, but I'll also always be grateful that fanfiction has given us what the MCU didn't dare, and a thousand times over too! ❤️

[ctrlchar]

idk if ur requests are open, but like dom euronymous fucking in helvete and getting caught but like he keeps going.

again, disregard this if requests aren’t open

i’ll kiss your open sores

a/n: thank you for the request,sorry it took so long I’m still getting used to writing actual fics and not hcs and this is obviously for rory’s portrayal not the actual person

warnings:hair pulling,getting caught,dacryphilia,slight overstimulation,oral fixation if you squint

you moaned as you felt a harsh tug on your hair and your hair and suddenly your back was pressed against your boyfriends front. the new angle got him impossibly deeper making you moan loudly and arch your back as tears stained your cheeks

“yeah baby just like that” your boyfriend moaned into your ear his pace not letting up as he continues to thrust in and out of you. with each thrust you could feel yourself slowly slipping over the edge and you almost did until you heard the bell at the front door ring

you gasped before Euronymous quickly pressed a hand over your mouth before whispering “don’t say a fucking word” in your ear but still slowly thrusting inside of you

“beer!” Hellhammer shouted walking inside the building

“leave it on the desk and get out of here!” Euronymous shouts from his spot on the bed through gritted teeth as he shallowly thrusted inside of you carefully in attempt to not make noise

ignoring what Euronymous said, the band member started to walk behind the desk stating “i need to get something for faust” as he walks behind the desk

you breathed heavily though your nose due to your boyfriends hand still clasped on your mouth as he slowly thrusted into you as his bandmate turned the corner

“what the fuck man!” he shouts covering his eyes attempting to grab whatever he needed to grab

the man above you removed his hand from your mouth as you whimpered softly from being caught and he could’ve sworn you got wetter from this

“i told you to fucking leave” he says thrusting inside of you as he spoke

“you guys are fuckin’ gross” Hellhammer states as you hear his footsteps receding following the entrance bell ring signaling him leaving

as soon as the door closed you let out a loud moan as your boyfriend started thrusting into you even faster before he shoved his fingers that were covering your mouth inside your mouth.

“did so good for me” he’d grunt “keeping that pretty little mouth quiet for me”

all you could do was whimper around his fingers gently sucking and nodding as he kept roughly pushing himself inside of you. slowly slipping further and further into that fuzzy headspace you know so well.

he pounded at your abused hole until he could start to feel himself getting closer and closer to cumming with each movement of his hips

with your back still against his chest he whispered into your ear as he removed his fingers from your mouth wanting to hear every little whimper and cry that left your lips. “keep on being a good girl and cum for me baby alright?”

you let a small “mhm” as you clenched around him with each thrust until that knot inside you finally snapped

you cried out as Euro came deep inside you at the same time you came on his cock.

he continued to thrust shallowly inside of you riding out your high as you slowly started to get overstimulated.

“S’too much” you whimpered out as your boyfriends grip on your hair slowly loosed up until you eventually lost the feeling of his hands on your head

after a few more moments his shallow thrusts stopped before he slowly pulled out of you making you immediately lay on the bed breathing heavily

you pulled the blanket over yourself while Euro got a cigarette and lit it before laying down beside you.

“Did so good for me today baby” was the last thing you heard before you closed your eyes and slowly fell asleep

[lambilegs]

hi favie.. i’m like.. really bored and wanna request something.. maybe like 😁 late nights with lee? idk if you’ve written that yet. but maybeeeee staying up late with her.. OKAY BYE ILY!

late nights with lee harker <33

AWEEEE THIS IS SO CUTE HEHE thank you so much for the request angie ilysm!!!

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ (˶ ˘ ³˘)ˆᵕ ˆ˶) 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒ ᰔᩚ -> you and lee

I can see her being into playing board games and puzzles together during late nights. like, the two of you just having a movie or some music on and doing something like that. I feel like it'd relax her to put her focus to something on something other than work, and just become absorbed in that. plus, if it's a challenge of sorts, she'll find it entertaining amusing to verse you, especially if you're a sore loser

like you say in the headcanon in your post about lee driving (everyone say thank you angie hehe her headcanons are amazing), I could def see her enjoying aimlessly driving around (this is angie's headcanon!! she's a genius), which with you, involves taking you out in her car, winding the windows down and letting the cool wind get you both chilled and cozy

CUDDLES. I truly believe she is such a touch-starved, clingy girlfriend, and at the end of a long day, or even if she knows the next day she'll get to spend the day at home with you, she'll be super needy and excited to be with you. I feel like during late nights, she'll be especially clingy, and will enjoy being the little spoon, with you on your back and her face buried in your neck, legs entwined with you

sometimes really just needs some peace and quiet, especially after a chaotic day at work. I feel like she'd be happy to parallel play with you, just quietly eating her cereal and doing nothing at her desk while you do your own thing

you'll try to push her to not do work, but when she's particularly sunk into a case, it's hard to convince her to not work on it when home. sometimes, though, you do get upset at this, wanting time with her, and not being able to have it because she's bringing work home. once she realizes you're getting upset, she'll usually set it aside. and once she's holding you, and finally gets out of her work headspace, it'll hit her again just how much she misses you and how badly she wishes she had spent more of the night with you. she'll usually make it up for you by giving you all her attention, and it's a habit she tries to work on

also I can just see you guys goofing off in bed -- like, just being super cute, talking about the most random shit, like asking each other silly hypothetical questions, or talking about funny anecdotes, while raising your legs up and seeing who can last longest

sometimes you guys will share a joint and have some snacks together, which def helps her in unwinding LOL

if all else fails you guys can... you know 👀 if one of y'all is in the mood, you both are one hundred percent down for a night of position after position hehe

[peachdues]

sorry I’ve been MIA, it’s been a ✨week✨

I also lowkey was anxious this dumb app shadowbanned me for over-posting? Idk how that works, I’m just innately suspicious.

Anyways, as for writing updates.

Netherwood is chugging along, I just haven’t had time to sit down and write out the more substantive portions of Part III in a few days. My dad has surgery tomorrow, so I’m hoping to work some then, but unfortunately I do have to spend the weekend at the office (one of the downsides of being an attorney lmao).

The Great War is postponed, but hopefully will be done by December. I have a lot to do with part one still and I’m just not in the headspace to tackle it rn.

That said, I have been working on two other WIPs — The Bodyguard AU (Sanemi x Kyojuro x Reader) and Levi’s Bundle of Joy (since that will be much shorter than TGW lmao). I’ve also done a little work on Between Man & Star since the brain rot is real on that one.

Thank you guys for sticking with me!

🍑

[secretsnowclub]

I found a weird old Gamecube survival horror game??? Can you help??

I’ve recently started collecting older video games, specifically all the survival horror games that I was too afraid to play as a kid. Now that I’m older and have a salaried job, it’s nice to be able to court that younger version of me and buy all the stuff my family couldn’t afford. Plus the games are fun. Everything from Resident Evil to Rule of Rose, Fatal Frame to Parasite Eve. I love being scared and these games work their hardest to do it and sometimes succeed.

Before I play them, I like to go on youtube and watch retrospectives, reviews, and old ads for them, so I can sort of get settled into the headspace and learn about the creation of them. But there’s one that I’ve stumbled on that I’m unable to find anything about. Almost like it came out of nowhere.

I found this game at a used game, movie, and music store just off the red line in Chicago. It’s called Soul Cemetery for the Gamecube. A survival horror game about a detective returning to their hometown to investigate the mysterious death of her father. It’s very obviously inspired by Resident Evil, featuring the tank controls, fixed camera angles, and similar graphics, not to mention the focus on zombies which wander the town. There’s also some Silent Hill influence with a heavy use of snow (instead of fog) and ambient music throughout. 

It seemed like a very generic sort of game after the opening cinematic and wandering around the opening area, but then it started to reveal itself as something more. The controls were straight forward but also had some interesting things about them. You aim and shoot like in RE, but there’s also a button to “hum,” which makes the detective slow her run to a walk and hum a tune, which changes with each area and sometimes changes within each area depending on exactly where you stand. 

There’s also a dedicated “smoke” button, which plays a unique (albeit short) cutscene where the detective smokes a cigarette and says a little something about the area, or what just happened. It almost feels like the journal mechanic that games like Life is Strange have, where the character recaps the last chapter in their own words, only you get to control when it happens and how often. 

Both of these things kinda took me off guard and drew me into the game in a way I didn’t expect. There are no save rooms or safe rooms like in a lot of survival horror games, so these two things were like getting a break for the spooky scary stuff whenever I needed it, while also getting to hear the thoughts of the character. 

This got kinda freaky when the detective started saying things about me during these moments. The game must read your memory card and system data or something because the further I got into the game, whenever she’d smoke she’d say stuff to me about how late I was up, or about the weather (possibly reading the month??? Idk if Gamecubes have location data). In the light of day these things aren’t that scary ig, but after getting killed by zombies after playing till 4 a.m. it was definitely giving me goosebumps.

It was extra creepy when the detective would do these things without being prompted. The further I got into the game, the more she would indulge in humming or smoking without me pressing the buttons. At first I thought maybe my hand slipped, but no, it’s almost like she has a mind of her own. And these self-indulgent moments were often the scariest.

I played through the entire thing in one sitting, it was maybe 5-6 hours. There were some obvious levels included in a lot of survival horror games, like a spooky motel with zombies, a dark forest with this weird moon spirit creature who is like the main bad guy of the game, and an empty town center where there’s a boss battle. About halfway through, the detective finds herself at her childhood home and that’s when shit really started to freak me out. I don’t know how to explain it other than her house had the same layout as mine? Maybe it’s just a coincidence because the game takes place in an unnamed midwest town, and maybe the houses here are just copy-pasted anyways. But it was spooky. Her living room was my living room, her bedroom was mine, the kitchen was mine. Even the spooky stairway into the basement was in the same place. 

Back in her parents room, her mom is a zombie. There’s no music. Just the looped MP3 of the zombie groans. Whenever you press the button to aim, the detective would hesitate and tell me not to do it. It was only after the mom had attacked and killed me once that I could actually return to the room and shoot the zombie. Immediately after, the detective took control and started humming this really broken, solemn tune. It felt so recognizable but I can’t figure it out. I did my best to record it here:

It’s been stuck in my head ever since.

After the run in with the mom zombie, the detective continues humming that tune, allowing me to walk slowly through the house. I returned to her bedroom and was able to “interact” with her childhood bed. The detective climbs in, the humming breaking up more and more until she falls asleep.

There’s a few esoteric and surreal images that flash on the screen. I didn’t expect them, so I couldn’t take pictures, and when I went and played through the game again, this entire section didn’t happen. Idk if it’s just like the order of events was different, or if it was how I killed the mom or how I explore after? Idk. But the images were these brutal close-ups of the mom zombie. Like, real photos, not just rendered. There were startling, and even if I can’t get them to pop up again, I feel like they’re still fresh in my mind.

The detective wakes up in her childhood bedroom after a second and is different. She’s a child. Her character model is smaller, she doesn't have her gun, and her entire control scheme is different. Most of the buttons are replaced with the “hum” thing, which has her doing that same haunting hum from before. As a child, she can still wander around the rest of the town, and it’s still overrun with zombies, now there’s just noway for her to defend herself.

I felt kind of stuck and frustrated with this as the zombies kept killing me and I didn’t like hearing the MP3 child scream over and over again, so eventually I turned the Gamecube off and on, and when the game loaded up, the detective woke up in her childhood bed as an adult, like none of that stuff happened. I was able to continue the game but was unable to beat the final boss. I think there was something I had to do as a child to be able to? But I don’t know. The game was very confusing at that point and, like I said, when I tried to replay it, the child-thing didn’t even happen. 

I think if the game has a guide or even just, like, any information online I could have made sense of it. It’s a weird take on survival horror that really did get under my skin, I just wish I could finish it, or at least figure out what some of the weird stuff in it was doing or trying to do. If you played this game when you were younger, were there any guides you followed? Or do you remember anything? The only thing I was able to find was a shitty scan of the game manual, but even that I’m having a hard time deciphering…

Any help is appreciated!

[thnksfrthmmrs]

nobody ever wants to do mad libs with me 😔

[dragon-queen21]

this is a spur of the moment, no plannings going into this one because im not doing very well but shhh!!!!

(first off, im sorry i didnt say something sooner, ive been seeing your concerning posts lately. are you okay? seriously? i dont know if this is a line im crossing but if you want i could drop my blog if you ever need to vent. im sorry if thats too much i don’t understand things like this sometimes, but i genuinely hope your okay.)

but i wanna speak about lil sanji real bad, because i had a dream i was little and ive been having a lot of ideas about him lately and i need to project. also in honor of the sanji fan zine thats coming out (and that im totally not considering buying for 85 dollars as a early birthday gift) (or late since it ships in march lol)

- um idk i feel like hes a quiet little, especially before the crew found out he was a regressor, he doesnt really wanna talk, he just wants to be around someone. like i can see him pre coming out finishing like lunch or something and coming out and just sitting with nami and robin and theyre like “hello sanji kun do you need anything?” only to be confused when he doesnt start twirling like a love sick school girl.

^ or him going up to zoro PEACEFULLY and just plopping down and zoros fighting DEMONS not to say something brash and ruin the moment because sanjis clearly not in the mood, or if he looked close enough, not in the right headspace to deal with a attitude

-or even post coming out i imagine him just making everyone take a turn in holding him, not like pick up holding just. in the aquarium or something sitting on someones lap holding him close. give my guy some comfort PLEASE

- has one specific stuffed animal he keeps with him all the time. like first thing he asks for when hes tiny, f pacis, f sippys, give him his STUFFIE!!!!!!!!! youll never guess what it is (its a fish)

- i know a lot of people say sanji woukd be scared of the bigger members of the crew, and i so agree with that, but BUT the bigger members of the crew holding sanji like a actual baby? proportionally hes closer to the size of one if their hands

- no thoughts in this guys head, its just straight static. when hes younger, he has to like actually try to force two coherent thoughts together. i dont know he regresses really little a lot of the time, id say he stays closer to babyspace/toddlerspace than anything on the older side (he has so much trauma to work through)

ok im done im really sad so im gonna go to something productive to not. be sad byeebywwbyewww

📷

Thank you. I am just… having a time of it right now. People are… cruel, we’ll just leave it at that. And no your not crossing any line, if anything your words warmed my heart. I’m doing alright. Not the best not the worst just, fine.

I’m sorry you’re going through things as well :< We can suffer and be sad together <3

~~~

~I’ve seen talk about that zine floating around. 85 dollars is a lot but it would be fun to get.

Let me know if you do get it!

~“twirling like a love sick school girl.”

<- okay that made me chuckle. I can imgine there were so many alarm bells going off in their head. And maybe the just think that “oh Sanji’s… quiet”

~Zoro just aggressively chomping down on his sword and training to keep himself from saying something he knows will be stupud and unhelpful. And Sanji just seems so… soft and Zoro is like 95% sure this is some horrible mistake

~Attention starved. He’s just attention starved. Give the baby cuddles

~I’m quite partial towards the head canon of Zoro buying him a stuffed turtle. Sanji looking back and forth between Zoro and the plush before declaring “moss.” With no other explanation. Is that the plushes name? Is he just saying Zoro’s name? Who knows, certainly not Zoro.

~See I’m telling you. Caregiver Franky + babyspace Sanji. Just kdbjdbd best duo. (I just really really love cg Franky)