#idk christmas is near and i was eating a cookie and that came into my mind

[nezz-cringe-crib]

do you think that the wammy kids leave out cookies for santa claus but it's actually just L.

like he dresses up as santa claus just in case any of the kids see him (bc yk damn well a wammy kid would hunt down santa claus).

the kids who do end up seeing him now just think santa claus is way different than how the story is told and they're probably so proud of knowing what real santa looks like but they actually just met fucking L and have no idea about it.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #413

“i figured it out: the bigger the river, the bigger the drought”

When was the last time you felt like “getting into someone’s pants”? Years ago. What is your favorite energy drink, if you have a favorite at all? I don't enjoy energy drinks. Would you have kids with the last person you kissed? Neither of us want kids, so obviously no. Do you know someone who threatens to kill themselves? No. Would you ever completely dye your hair the color green? Noooo, that would look so awful on me. Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship before? Yep. What is your favorite food to eat around Christmas? Chocolate-covered peanuts. I have warm memories tied to snacking on those at a lights show one year. Do the people in your town speak like rednecks? Oh yeah. When was the last time you cried happy tears? I couldn't possibly tell you. How liberal are you? Considerably, but I'm not incredibly far into the spectrum, but I become more liberal as time goes on, I've found. Would you mind living near large predatory animals? Not really. So long as they're not coming into my house or anything. Have you ever experienced altitude sickness? No. Just ears popping. What’s your biggest priority right now? Reach a mental state where I can handle a job. If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? A loooot of reading... Are your hands unsteady? Very. I have bad tremors in my hands. Do you listen to a lot of mainstream music? Not at all. Do you think you’re pretty? No. Have you ever added someone you don’t know on Facebook? It's funny, the one instance where that's happened was with Jason, because I mistook him for a Jason I actually knew of and wanted to be friends with. I have friends on there I haven't met in person, I say I "know" them. Do you have dirty pictures in your phone? No. Have you ever looked up porn on the internet? No; I just don't get the appeal. Would you ever shoot someone right in the face? In a case of self-defense where I was clearly trying to be killed, that's right where I would aim. But otherwise, of course I wouldn't. Have you ever sold drugs? No. I'd prefer to stay outta jail. Did you ever try cutting yourself? Yes, and it does nothing but make the situation worse. Who’s the last guy you texted? My dad. Who do you know that wears the most make up? Probably my friend Summer, but I mean, she is a cosmetologist. Do any of your friends have kids? Lots do. Have you ever been tied up? No. How many times have you been cussed out? One. Are you anyone’s first love? I think. Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? No. Do you have more than one personality? No. Do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones? Psychological. Do you have a favorite YouTuber or do you not watch much YouTube? I survive off of YouTube, and Markiplier is *obviously* my favorite. Are you a good dancer? Even when I WAS a dancer, I don't think I was great, except in clogging. If you could find one long-lost friend of the past, who would it be? Megan. Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman? I had multiple instructors for different subjects. Have you ever had any teeth pulled? No. Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower? Hair. Have you ever been to a nursing home? Yes. Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into? No, but the Bloods gang tried to while my sister and her best friend were home alone in my childhood home. Thank the fucking Lord they couldn't manage. They just left a flag at our doorstep. If I remember the timeline correctly, that was the final straw for us moving. Is there someone in your life you don’t want in it? No. How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over? Just one, in the romantic sense. I've cried over my dad when he left us too, though. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Sara. Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you? Yes. Pretending to “never get the text” from someone who annoys you. Is that you? I've done it before, but I really don't get texts from anyone who annoys me. If your ex came up to you and asked you to take them back, what would you say? I know I say I shouldn't be in a relationship right now, but I know I still would with one, and if it was Jason, he'd have a LOT of proving himself to do before I take him back. Do you prefer boys to shave down there? I prefer men to do whatever the hell they want with their own bodies to feel comfortable and at home in it. How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? Not a lot, because I find the subject extremely uncomfortable to talk about. She knows my "idk if I'm *actually* a virgin" crisis I had, because I was so upset with not knowing and wanted her opinion, but that's just about it. Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? I mean I don't hate them, but I don't really watch TV. Do you worry about gaining weight? I'm terrified of the idea I might keep gaining weight. Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche or worth watching? Yes, and I think it's a wonderful movie. The book was excellent, too. What’s one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? I don't participate in any event my town has organized. Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses' names? There's Josh, Franky, and Nick. Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out? I like it for a while. I eventually get lonely, though. Did you lose friends when you started dating someone? No. Did you leave milk and cookies for Santa when you were little? Yeah. To who did you last give the finger to? Some driver being fucking stupid. Do you talk in your sleep? A lot. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes. Have you ever been a featured member on any website? Yeah, a SH fansite. Do you feel that your previous relationships were a waste of time? Only one was. Do you prefer hot chocolate with or without marshmallows? Without. Which do you like better: Regular cakes or cookie cakes? Regular, for sure. I mean I like cookie cakes, they're just... kinda boring as "cakes." Have you ever been hit by the opposite sex? No. If your significant other cheated on you, would you take them back? Nnnnnope. What was the last song you listened to? A slowed version of "Daddy" by PSY. Shut up. What do you look for most in a friendship? I guess the #1 trait would be... uhhh... supportive, maybe. There's obviously much more to a good friendship than just that, though. If the Internet never existed, what do you think you'd be doing now? Reading. I think I'd be a much more avid reader without the Internet. Have you tried something new at a restaurant lately? No. If your skin could be any color of your choice, which would it be? Ugh, I'd love to have like, porcelain skin that has like no flaws to it. Do you know any German words? A decent amount, seeing as I took four semesters of the language. Vegetables: Better raw or cooked? Uhhh idk. I don't like enough vegetables. What is the cutest animal? Maybe I'm biased, but meerkats. Would you mind dating someone significantly shorter than you? No, and the idea that some people have actual cut-offs for how short their partner can be disgusts me. Who the fuck cares how tall someone is. It's not like they have any say WHATSOEVER in it. Have you ever swam in the Atlantic Ocean? Yes. The Pacific? No. Can you make yourself cry? No. Have you ever held a starfish? I know I haven't held a live one. Have you ever been ghosted before? No. Did you ever play Imvu? No. Did you ever get caught watching porn? No, considering I've never watched it. What's the worst feeling in the world? Heartbreak. Not being good enough to someone whose opinion you deeply cherish. What's the BEST feeling? Love bringing people together, hence why I love things like Pride parades and such. As well as when you accomplish something you've really worked hard for. Do you think weed culture is annoying? Some people can definitely take it too far to where it's like the only thing that matters to them. People who say weed isn't addicting have NOT met the people I know. I'm not against use of marijuana, but goddamn, a drug should not be your entire world. Have you ever stayed in a relationship even though you didn't love that person? No. If I'm not into you, I'm out. Do you ever listen to "lo-fi hip hop" on YouTube? No. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? I've never had a real prank pulled on me. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. What type of shoes do you find the most comfortable? Nice sneakers. I really only wear flip flops, though. Do you know a lot of people who have the same middle name as you? Yes, considering it's ridiculously common. Do you like your middle name? I mean it's pretty, but waaaaay too unoriginal. Would you ever audition for American Idol? Nope. Have you ever visited your state's capitol building? No. Have you ever visited your nation's capitol building? No. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Have you made any huge mistakes? Yeah. Do you believe anyone is asexual? Um, yes???? Do you do all the chores yourself? No.

[purplesurveys]

1114

survey by dishwallafied

WHO was the last person...

you spoke to, in person? I think it was my sister, like earlier at 1 AM. She was the last person apart from me to head upstairs for bed.

you called? I tried calling our internet service provider’s hotline to inquire about our lost connection last weekend, but all I got was a useless automated message saying they’re on top of all concerns and will be addressing ours soon, which did not make any fucking sense because I didn’t get to report my issue anyway. Their social media was virtually useless too, and my dad had to physically go to one of their offices last Monday to settle the issue.

that called you? My phone’s not near me at the moment (omg a rarity) but it was the delivery person for Reggy’s croissants. GPS has always hated our street and has never been able to identify it, so whenever anyone in the family makes a purchase for delivery we’re bound to get a call or two from the rider assigned to our order to ask for directions.

you texted? It was the same delivery guy. He had tried to call me but I was in a meeting that I couldn’t get out of, so I explained to him I could only text. I also gave him a Waze link containing the exact positioning of our house so that he could set it up on his phone.

that sent you a text? I think it was just my mobile services provider sending out some random promotional text. Idk, I never open those.

you kissed? Gabie.

that kissed you? Also her. I don’t plan on kissing anyone new any time soon.

you yelled at? I haven’t recently been in a situation where I’ve had to yell at anyone...I do slightly raise my voice a lot on video call meetings just so I’m sure everybody on the call can hear me. That’s the closest I’ve got.

that yelled at you? My mom, when she was being a real drama queen about MY money a couple of weeks ago.

you watched a movie with? I watched it by myself, but I remember calling my ex for comfort because the movie was a little scary and creepy. I also remember how bothered she sounded that I was calling her, as if I was a huge burden, so...there’s that. Y’all do me a favor and be with someone who gets delighted when you call instead of making you feel like you’re a waste of space okie?? Good

you ate dinner with? My family. My dad laksa for dinner, which was perfect because I had been watching 2 Days 1 Night yesterday and the cast members kept eating ramyeon, which made me develop a serious craving for noodles all day.

you were in a photo with? I think it had been a family selfie. My family and I were about to leave the accommodation we stayed at in Tagaytay, and my mom wanted a final photo in the living room before we stepped out.

you took a photo of? My employer sent out heart-shaped red velvet cakes for all of us for Valentine’s Day, so I took a photo of it with Cooper in the background to share to the work group chat. I definitely did not expect any goodie sendout considering I never viewed Valentine’s as a special day even when I was still in a relationship, so it was a nice surprise to receive. 

you went to a concert with? Oh my Paramore show was a solo date. Gabie did come to the arena with me and I also drove Denise, Erycka, and Leigh, but the three of them settled for a different section somewhere farther out given how they already did VIP seats for Paramore’s previous concert in 2013. It was my turn to have a front-row seat and since I didn’t know anyone who was as big of a fan as I was or was willing to shell out ₱7,000 for a VIP seat, I went by myself.

you lied to? I think it was Bea, my manager? She scheduled a quick call last Tuesday just to do a check-in with me, and she was asking how I was. Of course I had to tell her I was doing fine, which is never completely true for a lot of people, I think. I didn’t want her to ask me to open up anyway, so saying I was fine was the easy way to go.

you invited somewhere? I recently saw a music clip of a certain song that’s played a lot in bars, so I tagged my entire college barkada telling them we should go back to TK soon, at least when the lockdown and the pandemic subside considerably.

you dated? Gabie.

you dumped? It worked the other way around.

you rejected? I mean, I guess I technically rejected the girl Mik told me was interested in me. We never met since Mik refused to tell me her name or show a photo, but I informed him I wasn’t planning on talking with anyone soon so she can stop thinking I’m available.

you held hands with? Angela.

you hugged? Andi, before they got out of my car since we were parting ways for the evening.

you let cry on your shoulder? This hasn’t happened in a very long time. Most likely Gabie, but this would’ve been around at the start of 2020 when we could still see each other regularly.

that let you cry on their shoulder? Figuratively, Angela and Andi.

you bought a gift for? I got a weekend accommodation for my family, but it was really meant for my dad for his 50th birthday.

you wished a happy birthday? Hans.

that disappointed you? I was more annoyed than disappointed, but it was some random Fil-Am who was being ignorant at the Subtle Filipino Traits Facebook group. That community gives me a huge migraine most days because of Fil-Ams who continue to romanticize the ~beauty~ of the country whilst completely ignoring the socio-political trainwreck here, but the group is kind of the place to be for Filipinos so I can’t see myself leaving it either.

that stayed over at your place? They didn’t stay over for the night but Angela and Hans did a surprise visit to my house a few days after Christmas.

that let you crash at their place? Gab. I used to always crash at her place when I’ve had a few drinks.

that made you angry? Idk man, can I give Mark Zuckerberg as an answer? HAHAHA I went on Facebook first thing today and the first thing I saw was a Facebook Memory, and it was a photo of me and Gabie at Athenna’s birthday party four years ago. I got irritated at first until I remembered that we were both tagged in the post, which means it would most likely show up on her feed as a Memory as well. Just to humor my petty ass, I kinda hope the memory would make her sad, wherever she is; but otherwise seeing the Memory pop up didn’t make me sad or bothered anymore so that’s a win for meee.

that complimented you? Leah, my employer’s CEO. She did a check-in call with me recently to get to know me better, so one of the first things she asked was a list of the clients I handle. I happen to be in the team that works with the company’s more big-league clients, so once she heard the brands she told me I must be a good enough worker to be assigned those clients. It meant a lot and it still does.

whom you complimented? Bea. I just let her know how helpful she’s been with me considering I’m a fresh graduate on her first job in a work-from-home setup in the middle of a global pandemic.

you thanked? A supplier I’m currently in contact with, for work.

that thanked you? The said supplier thanked me back.

you saw, in person? My sister.

that bought you something? Dad bought siopaos for us yesterday.

that made you laugh? The cast of 2 Days 1 Night, from when I was watching the show last night.

that you said you loved? I don’t remember. I think it was Kate since she helped me out with a favor.

that said they loved you? Hannah.

you flipped off? I haven’t whipped out the finger in a while, come to think of it.

you made a silly face at? Not a person, but Cooper.

that drove you somewhere? Dad was the driver for our Tagaytay trip.

WHAT was the last thing you...

touched? Aside from my keyboard, my vape pen.

threw? Cooper’s bowling pin squeak toy. He’s gotten a lot better at catching things with his mouth, so I’ve been throwing it a lot at him to continue training him.

ate? A caramel croissant.

drank? Coffee.

found stuck in your teeth? Haven’t had this happen to me in a while.

cooked? I’ve never tried cooking anything.

baked? Idk, maybe cookies 873984732842 years ago.

threw away/tossed out? The packet for the sauce that came with the siopao my dad bought.

bought? I made a purchase for 20 bags for a work thing, but only because I was assigned to do the whole correspondence with the supplier. My manager was the one who sent over the payment when the purchase was confirmed.

sold? I don’t think I’ve ever tried selling anything before.

took a photo of? Cooper hahaha. I had been dancing to a song and he was staring at me.

were frustrated with? Our internet provider when they cut off the connection last weekend.

broke? I’m not sure if I can say I broke it, but the adaptor for my phone charger finally gave up on me the other day. I’ve taken to borrowing my sister’s for now, since she says she “doesn’t use it a lot” anyway.

spilled? Some drops of coffee spilled out of my mug when I dumped several ice cubes in it.

tripped on? Kimi. He follows me evvvvvvverywhere, so I bump into him at least once a day.

kicked? I’m not really sure.

put batteries in? Haven’t had to use batteries in a while, either.

turned on? The Bluetooth on my laptop.

turned off? The electric fan last night since I found it loud.

wrote? Other than my answers to this survey, I’ve also been talking with Angela this morning over Messenger.

wrote on? Other than my phone/laptop, my journal.

cleaned? My glasses.

stuck up your nose??? My finger when a nostril itched recently.

WHERE was the last place you...

dined at? Ramen Nagi.

ordered something to go? I don’t do takeout deliveries, but the last thing I got for delivery was banh mi and iced Vietnamese coffee last week.

bought something? Facebook Marketplace.

cried? In the living room. I came across that viral video of a guy proposing to her girlfriend at a Taylor Swift concert, when he knelt at the exact moment Taylor sang “He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring” from Love Story. It was such a sweet, classy, non-cringey public proposal and I allowed myself to be swept away by the cheesiness of it all, haha.

felt uncomfortable? Dining room table. I was sharing a story to my parents about work involving a guy and my mom asked me if I had a crush on him. My dad kind of snorted and said, “Her? Crush on a guy?” which told me he knew something was up re: my preferences lmao. They’ve never heard anything from me yet, so that made me feel awkward and I most especially didn’t want my mom to catch on to the question and suddenly put me in the hot seat.

drove to? Other than back home, I last drove to UPTC.

had an appointment at? Google Meet, hahaha.

went on vacation? Tagaytay. 

hung out with a friend? Andi and I went to a Korean barbecue place at UPTC (again), but we also drove to UP after just to revisit the good old days of being in campus.

bought clothes? H&M in Feliz.

spent more than you had planned? Ramen Nagi. I had a couple of add-ons in my meal and I didn’t know their service fee was going to be quite high, so my final bill ended up being slightly more than the budget I planned out for that day.

saw a band/singer/musician perform? Late 2019. My ex and I stopped by a jazz bar and there was a live band playing.

WHEN was the last time you...

told someone 'I love you'? Last Friday.

cried? Last night.

laughed? This morning. Cooper was being silly around me and my dad, as always. This time he was unusually behaved when we let him out, and the bizarreness of it all made us so unsettled we ended up laughing.

left your home? Last Sunday. I might go out later, too.

drank a soda/pop? Early last year. There was Coke being served at an org event, and since I felt thirsty and there was no drinking fountain around I just said fuck it and drank the soda.

made your bed? Last night when I left my room to settle in the living room.

visited a doctor? May last year.

went to the emergency room? Other than when 23 years ago when I was born, I’ve never been brought to the emergency room.

kissed someone? September.

hugged someone? Mid-January.

prayed? Six years ago. Or maybe five; I can’t really tell when exactly I made it a point to stop for good.

worked out? Around a week ago. I’m thinking if I should keep at it or if I should just stop, seeing as I’m not willing to give up my favorite foods anyway lmao.

made a phone call? I tried to make a phone call to our internet provider last weekend.

answered a phone? The other evening when the landline rang.

had an argument? Two weeks ago, instigated by my mom as usual.

played a video game? I think 2-3 weeks ago when I got in the mood to play the Switch.

played a card game? Safe to say at least a couple of years ago.

played a board game? November when we suffered a power outage for two days and had nothing to do at home.

rode a bike? LOOOOOOOOL March. The lockdown had just started and I made plans to learn how to ride a bike, but those plans fell through as soon as they began.

fell on your butt? This doesn’t happen often.

took a shower? Last night.

took a bubble bath? I can’t even remember anymore; this is a rare occasion for me.

watched TV? I last watched a TV show in general last night, but I last watched something on an actual television last Sunday when my family watched a Sunday mass livestream.

saw a movie at a theater? December 2019.

ate fast food? I got Bonchon for my family last December, if I remember correctly. My dad had done a huge favor for me and I asked what I can do to repay it, and he said to just buy dinner for the 5 of us for that evening.

ordered a pizza? Last month.

made someone laugh? I’m not sure if I had made her laugh in real life, but Angela and I had a humorous conversation over chat earlier this morning.

sang? Few minutes ago.

played a musical instrument? Absolutely no clue.

read a book? Couple of weeks ago when my employer sent me this book on PR that I was asked to read in preparation for my meeting with Leah.

drove a car? Last Sunday.

went swimming? Think it may have been my Nasugbu trip with Angela, Sofie, and Gabie back in August 2019.

got a sunburn? Idk man, when I was 8? I stopped getting sunburns as I got older.

went to church or temple? The last Sunday in March before the lockdown started.

went shopping? I did my final around of Christmas shopping last month for friends I still had to give presents to.

drank alcohol? Sometime last month after my work shift, following back-to-back meetings with my least favorite client.

smoked a cigarette? Feb last year, I think. I don’t buy cigarettes of my own and I’m also a lot more watchful of my cigarette usage, so I haven’t been able to smoke since I haven’t been around a crowd who does. I mostly vape.

threw up? I last felt like throwing up back in May, but I haven’t actualy thrown up in at least a couple of years now.

had a headache? Just this Thursday.

had a cold? No idea.

had the flu? It wasn’t strictly the flu, but I was last sick in May.

had your hair cut? March last year.

dyed your hair? Never done it.

laughed so hard that you cried? It’s happened in at least the past couple of weeks, I’m sure.

[nightwving]

i was tagged by @mollyweasly​ to answer these questions, tysm!! i did most of them the other night but got distracted and am posting them now lmao

1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? idk, i’ll say maybe a 7 or so? honestly i’m feeling pretty decent for the first time in a while

2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #ohfuck

3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? that’s tough... i would never want to actually subject anyone to the horror or doing that with me, but i guess either tom holland or sebastian stan??

4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? “a juxtaposed comedic disaster”

5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? shit man i usually overshare pretty much everything, but i guess one thing would be that i got hit straight in the head by a golf ball while on a course with my parents when i was in middle school?? it came from way far out but miraculously didn’t seem to crack my skull or give me too bad of a concussion. my dad said it hit so hard that it sounded like it hit the pavement. now i have severe anxiety near golf courses and when things are flying near my head in general lmfao

6. what’s your wake up ritual? i check my phone real quick and then immediately go to pee and brush my teeth. depending on the day and whether or not i’d be late for class back when things were normal, i might shower lol. then either get dressed real quick and go to class or, these days, play video games or get on my computer

7. what’s your go to bed ritual? i’ll usually wrap up whatever i’m doing, make sure my fan is on, lock my door (when i’m at school), strip, take some melatonin, lay down, set my alarm, plug in and then get on my phone for a while until i (hopefully) get sleepy

8. what’s your favorite time of day? i love the evening around sunset or so but i also just love the night in general, especially when things get quiet in the am

9. your go to for having a good laugh? tiktok

10. dream country to visit? ummm... honestly canada 😂 or germany or something

11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? last spring i spontaneously won an award in the department that i work for at school because my friends insisted that i get one for all the work i do on the newspaper and for my work study and stuff. they had to work some stuff around because i’m not actually a major and that’s who the awards are for, but they all agreed to give it to me at the ceremony and i was NOT expecting it whatsoever. it was one of the most amazing moments ever especially since i struggle with finding a niche and having faith in myself

12. heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers!!

13. vintage or new? i love vintage but that shit can be hard for me to find

14. who do you want to write your obituary? probably a friend idk i feel like my family would say some dumb corny shit lmao

15. style icon? i have quite a few but slash or duff mckagan from 80s GNR would be a couple ok don’t judge me. and john bender from the breakfast club

16. what are three things you cannot live without? internet, my ps4, and friends

17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? chili or garlic powder

18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? i don’t even make dinner for myself lmao but if i really had the motivation, probs stan lee, carrie fisher, and my tiny son josh bassett

19. what’s your biggest fear in life? being institutionalized against my will and/or death before i’m ready/feel like i’ve done something worthwhile.

20. window or aisle seat? depends tbh

21. what’s your current tv obsession? i’m not really on a kick with it right now, but i’m slowly making my way through the clone wars in chronological order.

22. favorite app? tiktok

23. secret talent? uhh... i guess a lot of people would assume that i’m not athletic because of my weight but i’m actually naturally pretty sporty and can still be when i really feel like it

24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? well i’ve tried to summon spirits in multiple different places, attempted to break into an asylum with my ex, done a pregnancy test with an old friend in a burger king bathroom... idk if those count as “adventurous” but that’s about all i got as of right now in my life

25. how would you define yourself in three words? eclectic, resilient, and real

26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my denim jacket

27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? also denim jacket lol

28. a superpower you would want? i debate this often... i think shapeshifting would be cool but also telekinesis

29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? movies and stuff i guess

30. best piece of advice you’ve received? probably that it’s okay to do things at your own pace and to not be so hard on yourself when you aren’t doing things the same way as others

31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? wear some better fuckin clothes lmao

32. a book everyone should read? bruh idk i don’t really read anymore, harry potter i guess 😂

33. what would you like to be remembered for? being honest and real but also someone that would’ve been there for you, or to have a good laugh with

34. how do you define beauty? beauty is like something that fills you with wonder and a sense of life or something

35. what do you love most about your body? uh... i have nice legs i guess 😂

36. best way to take a rest/decompress? find something that distracts you and makes you forget about all the shit. get lost in another world in movies/music/etc or just laugh with someone about anything

37. favorite place to view art? i like seeing it in the studios at school when people are still working on it

38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? “somethin’ else”

39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? ugh i would love to be a full blow pianist but i ain’t got the patience for that. i made it through a few periods of lessons throughout my life and three classes in college but i don’t have the capacity to do more than that. but i would also love to get even better with my voice. i’ve been taking classical lessons for the past couple of years but quit recently because of the anxiety that studio recitals and master classes give me. music major shit is rough

40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i have one janky one behind my right ear that i got when i was 16, it’s a bird. but if i wasn’t a fatass bitch, i’d like to get more in different places on my body

41. dolphins or koalas? dolphins

42. what’s your spirit animal? it used to be a coyote according to a quiz years ago lol but it’s probably something different now

43. best gift you’ve ever received? probs my shitty first car that my dad got me last summer. but it’s a hell of a lot better than nothing

44. best gift you’ve given? shit i can’t even remember. i love doing personal little gifts for my friends. ACTUALLY i’d probably say the playlist i made for my friend last christmas because listening to music late at night was our thing

45. what’s your favorite board game? secret hitler is the BOMB

46. what’s your favorite color? yellow

47. least favorite color? probs brown

48. diamond or pearls? diamonds

49. drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore bitch, i’m broke

50. blow-dry or air-dry? air dry preferably but i’ll blow dry if i need to

51. pilates or yoga? neither lmao

52. coffee or tea? coffee unless it’s sweet tea

53. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? all of them

54. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? dark

55. stairs or elevators? elevators bih i got bad knees

56. summer or winter? winter, FUCK the sun

57. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? potatoes

58. a dessert you don’t like? a lot of things, i eat like a picky five year old. but i don’t like anything minty

59. a skill you’re working on mastering? singing. but also design-y stuff and videography

60. best thing to happen to you today? i went on a short walk with my mom earlier and there’s always a man across the street from us who sits on his porch every evening and sings with his guitar. i love it

61. worst thing to happen to you today? sitting through my zoom class lmao

62. best compliment you’ve ever received? idk, just when someone has generally called me beautiful? that makes me feel really nice

63. favorite smell? i love the smell of cookies or brownies in the oven. i’m also weird af and love strange things like basement smell and gasoline. also sharpies

64. hugs or kisses? hugs probably

65. if you made a documentary, would it be about? idk probably something about a niche community/town or some cult-y shit

66. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? avengers: endgame

67. lipstick or lipgloss? i don’t usually wear either very much but probably lipstick

68. sweet or savory? savory

69. girl crush? ana de armas or margot robbie

70. how do you know your in love? i feel like you’d do anything for that person even if it hurt you, and you think about them all the time and want to protect/be there for them

71. a song you can listen to on repeat? i usually avoid listening to things on repeat, but if i had to choose something... idk maybe africa by toto 😂

72. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? probs someone like elon musk or bill gates to see what it’s like to be that fucking rich and successful

73. what are you most excited for about this time in your life? just enjoying it and maybe honing some skills with all this extra time. also watching some movies on my watchlist

i’m tagging @verafarmiga, @northuldrra, @tmhnks, @spaceoddly, @breaksfastclub, and anyone else who wants to do it!! but feel free to ignore or just laugh at my answers

[allons-y-to-hogwarts-713]

Ho ho hoooeello I'm back again! Don't worry about it

What do you like to do during the holidays season? Have you done anything holiday-related yet? Now that it's officially December, I will start decorating my home soon. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time, since I have a lot of exams right before christmas! I haven't watched a lot of movies lately, though I always mean to. Aside from OUAT, some of my favourite shows are Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Schitt's Creek, the good place, Jane the Virgin & One day at a time! [2/? - I LIED]

We usually watch whatever is on, but I've seen home alone a lot of times! I'm really looking forward to heading home this holiday season and to having a traditional dinner with my grandparents (My grandfather prepares the main course & he is a great cook). I also love listening to Christmas songs! Do you have any favourties?. As for you gift, my creative talents mostly lie in writing, so I'll be preparing a fic for you! Are you more the fluffy or angsty type? Any tropes? [3/3] love, Santa

Hi, Santa!!

My mom and I decorated the house already and finally finished decorating our tree last night:

(This is my kitty cat Killian’s first Christmas with us, so we had to be more careful about which/how many ornaments we put near the bottom.)

I switched my stuffed animals on my headboard in my bedroom to my Christmas/wintry ones too (plus a turkey for Thanksgiving that I haven’t switched yet lol):

Good luck on your exams!! Are you in school or college? What do you study? (Or are you a teacher/professor with exams to give?)

My grandma has been watching the Hallmark movies that have been on tv every night since before Thanksgiving and I’ve kind of been vaguely watching along, though with some recent personal circumstances I won’t expand on right now, I’m finding more frustration than enjoyment from most of them for a few reasons, so I tend to end up putting on headphones instead.

I love The Good Place but I’m so behind right now. I’ve been meaning to check out One Day at a Time, it’s on my long list of things I should probably watch at some point (*John Mulaney voice* and then I Didn’t), and I want to give B99 a try but I don’t have a way to watch it at the moment.

A traditional dinner with family sounds awesome! My parents always cook a ham and sides, and my grandparents on my mom’s side always came to our house for the day, but they live with us now (for a year as of November) so they’re already here, which is nice lol. My brother is married now, so he and my sister-in-law come over too. With the things going on, I’m not sure what this Christmas is going to look like, but that’s what we usually do at least.

I’m excited to bake cookies, but my grandfather has diabetes and his blood-sugar has been a little high lately (partly because of the Thanksgiving food, but I think he’s been sneaking candy or chips too), so I’m putting off baking until that’s under control again. He’s all or nothing with sweets, eats too many and has problems, then gets mad when we ask him to hold back a bit and complains as if he can’t have any at all, instead of just having a small amount every so often rather than a ton all at once like we suggest. I’m gonna keep that temptation away for a while, unless I get a long enough time to make some before he comes in the kitchen so I can hide them, but he just knows. lol

Most years, I’m the kind of person to start Christmas songs in the summer or at least October lol. Not so much these past few years, but I still enjoy them in the season. While we decorate, my parents always play Alabama’s Christmas albums first, and then whatever else until we’re done. (This year I chose Peter Hollens’s Christmas album and Jason Manns’s Christmas album featuring Supernatural cast members, and then my grandpa played the Rudolph soundtrack.) I love Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” (the song and the movie), Straight No Chaser’s “The Christmas Can-Can” and “The 12 Days of Christmas,” and tbh I think my favorite version of “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)” is the one on the Phineas and Ferb Holiday Favorites album (and everything else on it is great too imo). I also love “Oh Santa” from VeggieTales. I pretty much enjoy most Christmas music though. Do you have any favorites?

I will very gladly receive a fic!! I’m open to pretty much anything, just preferably not smut (or at least not super explicit/detailed smut) unless that’s what you prefer to write, just because I try to keep my blog fairly pg/pg-13 most of the time other than some cursing and I want to be able to reblog whatever you give me. Fluff and angst are both more than welcome though, even also whump to some degree. Canon-divergent, au, anything. Lieutenant Duckling, Captain Duckling, Dark Ones, reversed roles, idk all the variation names, Neverland, Underworld, modern, coffee shop, roommates, neighbors, sci-fi, supernatural, band, parent, super sweet domesticity, total angst-fest, nightmares, torture, whatever. It’s all good. I will happily read whatever you write!

[rudemaidenswrite]

Sweet Revenge Kisses

Fandom: Detroit Become Human

RK800 Connor x Reader

By: @pusantheamazonian                 not beta’d

So I finally spewed out something containing the precious Connor. Maybe do a part 2 but IDK. 

Summary: Reader gets into fight with Gavin leading to some kissing with Connor.

Making it past the ST300’s upfront. You head directly to the break room, carrying the heavy Tupperware container. You thought it might be a nice gesture for the Detroit Police Department.

Placing the container filled with cookies on the counter. You take the two special containers out of your purse before heading towards the desks. Smiling you place the individual containers on Hank and Gavin's desk. Hank has always been your favorite, so you make sure that he always gets something extra. Not noticing the stare coming from the other side of Hank's desk while you're there.

“Hello. I'm Connor, can I help you?” A soft affirmative voice says. Turning you place the voice to an android standing beside you. You recognize him from the news. He's been helping out with the android rights group. And apparently the one Gavin keeps shit talking about.

“Hi. No thanks I'm okay.” Responding you see his LED light whirl yellow. Before you can respond further an arm wraps around your shoulders pulling you into a hug.

“Hey kiddo what brings you here?” Hank's gruff voice makes you smile.

“Hi Hank. I'm just waiting for Gavin to appear. He hasn't answered any of my messages.”

“Detective Reed has been working a case all night. He maybe sleeping or getting coffee.” Connor informs.

“Figures, the jerk has been dodging me all week. He's afraid of what I have planned.” Frowning you're salty about his excuses.

“Planned?” Connor questions, it's obvious that he is still learning slang.

“It's his birthday next week. I usually do something weird to him on his birthday.” Clarifying yourself.

“Last year she saran wrapped all of his doors.” Hank chuckles setting his coffee down so he can open his box of cookies.

“This year I plan on rigging his desk drawer to shoot confetti.” You make the motions with your hands, demonstrating how much confetti you actually plan to use.

“You met Connor?” Hank nods at the android you been talking to.

“Just now.” You give Hank slightly suspicious look. It’s been a few weeks since you’ve seen him and he seems….different. “You're here early and you look healthy... Awe Hank don't tell me you’ve become a sober freak. What am I going to get you for Christmas?” With an over exaggerated sigh you let him know you're just teasing.

“Nah only cutting back because of this one’s nagging.” He points at Connor.

“If his nagging is what's keeping you healthy. I'm supporting Connor.”

“Don't encourage him. Connor this hell sprite is Y/N, Gavin’s little sister.” Hank grumbles taking a sip.

“Detective Reed's sister?” There’s a lag in his response. You guess he’s probably questioning how much of an asshole you are.

“Don't worry she's not an asshole. Definitely the better one, she calls out all his bullshit.” Hank states.

“I see that you found the old drunk and his plastic wife.” Gavin says sarcastically walking up behind you. Hank and Connor both become annoyed, evident in their posture.

“Gavin don't be rude.” You hit his chest hard as a reprimand.

“I should have you arrested for assaulting a police officer.” Gavin scoffs.

“Go ahead. I’ll claim self defense and put these two down as witnesses. Besides I don't think Captain Fowler will believe those charges.” Feeling cocky you challenge his statement.

“Whatever the two are useless. The android is just a waste of space. Could have been used for better things.”

“Oh my god Gavin shut up! Or I will fuck him right here right now so you will shut up. You can't hate all androids.” You are so tired of this argument.

“What?” Connor questions as Hank chokes on his coffee.

“What the fuck?” Gavin's face scrunches up in disgust.

“Don't dodge the subject. You haven't responded to me all week.”

“Woah woah hit the brakes. You're the one changing topics. What do you mean fuck him here and now?”

“Hhmmm?” Humming you await his response.

“She’s on a roll. Connor you might wanna back up. She's saying things and not remembering.” Hank gestures to his desk.

“No go ahead, what are you going to do of if I don't stop treating them for what they are?” Gavin steps closer.

“I’m got to- You know what.” Stopping yourself, you rashly turn around and grab Connor by the tie. Jerking him down into a one sided kiss, long enough for Gavin to pull you backwards. Connor’s lips feel like good bubble gum. The kind that gets to a perfect soft, chewy level before turning hard.

“That escalated quickly.” Hank mumbles.

“Y/N!” He has a tight grip on your wrist.

“Let go Gavin! Just because of your personal reasons doesn't mean you can be an asshole.” Yelling at Gavin you don’t see the other officers. All of which look to see what’s going on then to walk away because this is a normal thing for you two.

“He's an android.” He points at Connor.

“Who can think for himself and is a whole of a lot nicer than you.” Ripping your arm away you storm out. Gavin glares at you before turning to Connor.

“Don't think about it.” Hank steps in front of Connor. “You might wanna go after her before she really is arrested.” Redirecting Gavin, he angrily walks away.

“What...what just happened?” Connor stutters, a blue blush forming.

“Well Connor you were just used as a tactical move in a never ending sibling war. Score one for Y/N.” Hank guides Connor to his chair.

~

Still slightly aggravated from yesterday. Gavin irritated you so much you flew off the handle. You know you're in the wrong and Connor deserves better. Full of embarrassment you walk directly to Connor’s desk, and wait for him to acknowledge you.

“Hello Y/N. Here to see Detective Reed?” Connor barely responds, still shook from yesterday.

“Umm no, actually I came to apologize to you.”

“Apologize?” You can see the surprise in his eyes.

“I'm sorry for suddenly kissing you yesterday. It was rude of me to jump you like that. I-It's just that Gavin makes me so mad sometimes I just wanna strangle him. And I end up doing rash things.” Reaching into your basket you pull out a small personal sized cake. “I made you a Thirium based cake as a peace offering. I don't know if you do eat food but I made it anyway.”

“Thank you Y/N.” He takes the cake, admiring the handy work. A circular chocolate cake with light blue icing. “Would you like to go out for coffee?”

“Huh?”

“Its just … I liked it when you kissed me. Just like in the rom-com movies Hank watches. The two people are put into a predicament then go on a date.”  Connor sets the cake down and stands up. Out the corner of your eye you see Hank blushing.

“S-sure. That sounds nice.” You're totally surprised. You had expected him to maybe accept your apology with the expressed hint not to ever come near him again but not this.

“You know you could also just make out every time your brother is around.” Hank smirks.

“I'd like that.” Connor smiles.

“Maybe, how about we start with that date first. I can show you things that really annoy Gavin.” You didn't realize that Connor was going to be this blunt.

“You wouldn't dare.” Gavin voice comes from behind.

“Oh I would.” An evil twinkle in your eye you grab Connor’s hand and lead him towards the door. Leading a stunned Connor away from Gavin’s furious glare and Hank’s laughter. Connor may need to rethink how rashly you make decisions.

[rengiyuus]

soft bias tag!

hello...i’ve been tagged by @realstraykids (i think.) @s0ftminho @himeaegyo!!! 

i’m tagging: @jeongin @bangchant @hyyunjinn @heejin @hyuunjins @bangchan  @kimwoojin @teddybearwoojin @channie @jiisung @hanbit @hanjisunng and @yukseongjae 

btw this is gonna be really gay lmao 

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who is your bias?

bang chan from sk!!!! the absolute loml

˚⁺∘*✧♡ what made you notice them?

ok so basically 7 years ago i saw his audition tape n i was like ? 10 i think he was 13 BUTLKSDJF i was in awe bc wow??? he was so cute n at that time i was learning members of groups n trainees (mostly sm but i came across a few jyp trainees!) and he popped up on my youtube n i was just so kljsdfsdf??? amazed someone so close to my age was so talented??? nn i kept track of him over the years n god i rmr whn i saw a pic of him with his sister n brother i knew. he was gonna own my heart one day so here we are

˚⁺∘*✧♡ what’s your favourite thing about them?

oh gosh sldfj i honestly can’t answer this??? everything is my favorite thing about him lksdjf??? just....i think skdjfsf if i rlly have to say, my favorite thing about him is his passion. to see him just??? express himself with something that makes him feel so safe and happy is beyond beautiful to me??? i love seeing his passion, whether it shows in his lyrics, his music, or just with how he acts, its my favorite thing to witness. 

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who would initiate skinship more?

LKJSDF i think...he would!!!! im rlly shy when it comes to that n knowing how he is with the other boys i think he would def love to start skinship 

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who would hog blankets more?

Me. I love soft cozy blankets SDFS so i’d steal them

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who would be more clingy?

 we’re both libras but we are also scorpio venuses sO!!!! we wouldn’t be clingy in private but in public? thts my mf bf n im his we’d be glued together so

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who would say “i love you” first?

LSKDF /??? i feel like ??? i would? i mean i say i love u to all my friends so i would have said it a long time ago when it came to him n i just love love so i would shower him in i love you’s 

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who would be more easily flustered?

me :/ i’m rlly shy irl so jsjsj anything makes me blush

˚⁺∘*✧♡ what cuddling position would you two have?

UM spooning ig ??? idk feeling a weight on me makes me feel relaxed so if he wants to just roll on top of me i’m Down

˚⁺∘*✧♡ which colours remind you of them and why?

pink and peach...it’s like?? all i see when i think of him because they’re delicate and soothing colors and i associate them with love???? and since hes the loml of course they remind me of him

˚⁺∘*✧♡ which season would you like to spend with them?

winter!!! i love winter...i wanna snuggle with him on the couch n watch christmas movies n i wanna have a mistletoe kiss with him and just ??? be fucking gay

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who would bake the cookies and who would steal the batter?

he bakes i steal LKJSDFSF i love batter 

˚⁺∘*✧♡ which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

both of us...n we’d have 2 reactions: Die or be wheezing our lungs out

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats?

me :/ i love dogs 

˚⁺∘*✧♡ which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a pop tart and who would come to the rescue?

LKJSDLJKSDFS OK !!! I WOULD BURN IT AND HE WOULD COME TO THE RESCUE BC ONCE I PUT MAC N CHEESE IN THE MICROWAVE BUT I DIDNT NO U HAD TO ADD WATER SO YEAH

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who likes to lean over tall railings and who pulls them back?

him..i’m scared of heights so i dont go near railings but i’d pull him back bc im an anxious person

˚⁺∘*✧♡ what would watching a horror film with them be like?

God...he wouldn’t shut up but like out of Boredom . he’d make witty comments n i would have to tell him to shut up

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

i’m the cheesy flirt and hes the smooth flirt!!!!!! 

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who is more competitive?

Both of us We’re Libras. 

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who would have to be given constant reminders (reminders to eat, don’t forget your keys, etc)

both of us heh ik thts the answer to a lot but i love constantly reminding ppl about things?? esp when it comes to saying i love u to them n reminding them to take care of themselves and i’m v forgetful so he would remind me about everything else

˚⁺∘*✧♡ who sends memes and who sends cute “i miss you” texts at 3am?

both of us ♡

[deeeelightfuldee]

When was the last time you felt like “getting into someone’s pants”? hahaha no comment 

What is your favorite energy drink, if you have a favorite at all? i dont like energy drinks. just not my thing.

Would you have kids with the last person you kissed? no, no, no. definitely not.

Do you know someone who threatens to kill themselves? I have. all of them have luckily gone to extensive therapy and have not reported suicidal ideations for some time now.

Would you ever completely dye your hair the color green? no. that just looks like youve been swimming in chlorine too long

Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship before? yes. honestly, idk about doing that again. it’s so easy for someone else to be living a double life and for me to be invested without knowing 

What is your favorite food to eat around Christmas? omg everything. I love the wintertime foods.

Do the people in your town speak like rednecks? No. the accent in my area is the accent used for most movies. it’s considered to be neutral.

When was the last time you cried happy tears? umm. wow, it’s been a long time.

How liberal are you? i’m more of a i-hate-the-ugliness-in-politics-and-the-way-it-divides-people type of person

Would you mind living near large predatory animals? ummm, I guess it would depend. I don’t think I’d be bothered by living near bears.

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness? oooooooo my goodness yes. I was on a mission trip one time through the smokies and we drove through i think it’s called devils triangle and we were driving in a huge church van. it. was. so. bad. everyone was throwing up.

What’s your biggest priority right now? probably to become employed

If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? sleeping, tv. the last time I was there overnight for myself I was on such extreme meds I was sleeping for days.

Are your hands unsteady? Typically they’re quite steady. right now tho I am constantly shaking from weakness so I have a ways to go.

Do you listen to a lot of mainstream music? I would say half of my music is. 

Do you think you’re pretty? i think I have some pretty features

Have you ever added someone you don’t know on Facebook? uhhhhhh i have when it’s like following a page of a person with a medical condition and it’s like an update account or something like that. I don’t really know, i’m never ever ever on facebook.

Do you have dirty pictures in your phone? I have pictures of myself that are sultry but not nudes. other people send me nudes allllllll the time but i try to keep up with deleting those.

Would you ever shoot someone right in the face? man I am just so so so non-violent that it would be hard to. but if someone was coming for my family members or someone I loved, i like to think I would.

Have you ever sold drugs? nope. drugs are just absolutely not my thing

Did you ever try cutting yourself? eh.

Who’s the last guy you texted? either chip, nathan, or michael

Who do you know that wears the most make up? people that i surround myself with wear very minimal makeup.. if any at all right now. I wear the most in comparison. 

Do any of your friends have kids? two of them yes

Have you ever been tied up? yes.

How many times have you been cussed out? goodness I dont know the number. my dad used to do while I was growing up that during his rage moments. once in a while a customer would at bbb if they disliked store policies or we didn’t have something in stock -.-

Are you anyone’s first love? hmmm. I had been told that by I think 2 people before but I’m not entirely sure how legit that is.

Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? yes.

Do you have more than one personality? no 

Do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones? psychological 

Do you have a favorite YouTuber or do you not watch much YouTube? I seldom ever watch youtube. I did watch yesterday a bunch of whose line is it anyway, but it wasn’t by any one channel in particular.

Are you a good dancer? no ahahahaha

If you could find one long-lost friend of the past, who would it be? probably chris? 

Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman? mom

Have you ever had any teeth pulled? ummmm when I was getting my braces put on my daggum orthodontist pulled a baby tooth without telling me first. that was not fun. also I’ve had my brother pull my teeth out. beyond that, no.

Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower? I typically do hair then body.

Have you ever been to a nursing home? yes many times

Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into? so one time when I was home alone in HS a guy-friend broke into my house and watched me sleep. that was effing creepy. umm one time someone broke into our shed. beyond that, no.

Is there someone in your life you don’t want in it? i mean there are people dating people that I dislike, but i just seldom interact with them.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over? I think 4. One from assault, one from abuse, two from heart break.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? i’d imagine mom.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you? yes.

Pretending to “never get the text” from someone who annoys you. Is that you? ehhhh sometimes yes

If your ex came up to you and asked you to take them back, what would you say? depends on who the ex is. if it’s Kile, I’d ... well I don’t know that I should type that. if it was my other exes I can only think of one I’d be curious about but truth-be-told, i don’t think so.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? I never got into that. 

Do you worry about gaining weight? yea I’m just over it.

Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche or worth watching? yes that was so popular in hs

What’s one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? none come to mind 

Are any of your siblings married?  2/3 are married.

Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out? goodness I love it. it never ever happens. I would love to have my own apartment but that’ll be some time for now. 

Did you lose friends when you started dating someone? no. I always maintained all my friendships.

Did you leave milk and cookies for Santa when you were little? not that I can recall. if I did it would have been before age 5 so I don’t quite recall.

To who did you last give the finger to? I don’t.

Do you talk in your sleep? Nope. 

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I have a great relationship with mom. I do not talk to my dad.

Have you ever been a featured member on any website? uhhhhhhh a work website yes and on a wedding website my friends made (i introduced them)

Do you feel that your previous relationships were a waste of time? I mean I don’t know that I’d go that far. I think they taught me lessons.

Do you prefer hot chocolate with or without marshmallows? i’m neutral either way

Which do you like better: Regular cakes or cookie cakes? I love both but can have neither lol

Have you ever been hit by the opposite sex? yes. 

If your significant other cheated on you, would you take them back? cheating just plain sucks. it sucks so bad.

What was the last song you listened to? something Christmas-y i think. I’m so ready for that season.

[jinglebunns]

Anime Expo 2017 Reflections

Hello, Jingles here!! 

I’ve been going to Anime Expo for maybe......6 years now? But it was my first time doing Artist Alley this year (and first time selling art in general)!! I was really unsure of how to go about things, so I really owe a lot of thanks to everyone who encouraged me to table (Myst, Prinny, and Aeror....u guys on That Tweet that Miyu made lol) You guys rock and thanks so much for believing in me.....!!! (tho most of y’all are on twitter so idk if you’ll see this...) Thanks to my mom and brother for helping out with merch prepping too! Also huge shoutout to tumblr user @charc-arts for bein great moral support throughout the arting process, you really kept me goin (also they’re a great artist too and anyone reading this should totes check em out sometime)!!! 

Anyways, a lot of stuff happened this year, so I guess I’ll see how much of a day by day playthrough I can remember here ೕ(•̀ᴗ•́)

pchoooooooo

Day 1

I got in really early before any other friends were in, so I panicked and made a cheapo display with the snacks I brought to share with hotel friends while waiting for them to come with the pipes LOL.....my table neighbors must’ve thought I was so dumb ahahah

Here was the actual table display!! Feat. Mighty Action X, since my friend Miyu was cosplaying Christmas Poppy from Ex-Aid that day! Hehe the plushie was pretty popular with a lot of people (”it’s so plump omg”) I literally never left my table except for one bathroom break on Day 1;; I got attached I guess LOL and it was nice having a place to sit instead of Constant Leg Day™. I was really excited to make my first sale too, though I think the person who bought it didn’t actual know Love Live, she just liked the animals on my buttons haha

I also realized early on I didn’t print enough business cards and different sizes for my prints....or get a card reader.....so I learned those for next year! 

After AA closed, we headed to the Westin Bonaventure!! Also carried my supplies and buttonmaker back to restock, so it became Arm Day™ I guess (thanks @Miyu for helping) 

These fountains were so....EXTRA.....

And my first time at Smash Burger for dinner!! (man I could buy a house with that avocado in there....) There was a long line, but they’re really efficient....also I thought I lost my phone when we got back to the hotel, but turns out it was in my jacket pocket :V Me, a dumbass,, 

What happens in the hotel room stays in the hotel room (memes, there were memes), but just a shoutout to my hotel roomies you guys were awesome and I couldn’t have asked for a better first hotel experience

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

Day 2

I decorated my little rabi-dango (named Mo) today to be my table buddy! A lot of people came by just to poke it haha (shoutout to @charc-arts again; they got me this buddy last year, and to Miyu for giving me one of her spare bells from the Christmas Poppy cos)

Again, I was mostly at my table....until I left for a quick exhibit hall check and just happened to miss @youvestrucktrue at my table :’D (i swear there’s an AA curse....people come to visit and stuff sells better whenever the artist is GONE)...we met up later though, and I was so happy to meet them after so many years (since the Kagepro days.....or should I say, Kagerou Days ayyyyyyy)!!! Thank you for coming Bri!!! 

Also, while business was slow at the table I was playing on Spotpass and Pokemon Moon and I finally gotttt....

A shiny Cottonee!!! I’ve been searching for one for years;;; Whimsicott is one of my favorite Pokemon so I’m so happy ;;7;;; 

My CSULB friends dropped by throughout AX too, but I can’t remember exactly which days oops;; Still, thanks for coming guys!! 

I also saw Prozd and Jubyphonic near the end of AA that day!!! (doubt they’ll ever see this lol) Juby was also really sweet, I’m so happy I got to talk to her aaaaaaaa ///

I also bought this wonderful sweater in the exhibit hall!! 

It’s really warm and soft on the inside, and I love Solram (i still have my plushie from 3 years ago)!! Solram and this sweater are from Sorbet Jungle! (FB link cause it looks like their website’s down for construction)

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Day 3

Finally left the table for a few hours and wandered the exhibit hall with Miyu!! It’s still weird seeing booths where AA used to be haha....

Giant Prinny was so cute!!! I’ve never actually played Disgaea, I only know Prinny from friends and doing the NIS America stamp rallies in the past

That is it, no caption necessary

I got these vinyl stickers from @thousandskies​!! They’re such good quality and I’ve been eyeing these designs for a long time/// I’m gonna stick them on my laptop and sketchbook!! 

@youvestrucktrue also stopped by again to give me some wafer cookies!! Thanks Bri, I didn’t eat them then but they saved my life on Day 4 ;7;

I also brought out the button machine to restock during AA on this day, and some people stopped at the booth just to watch it work LOL...I hope I got some muscles from all that button mashing :p Thanks again to my friend for lending me the button machine!

I got some merch at @misurabu​‘s table! 

(sorry for terrible pic)

Best girls!!! They’re so adorable aaaaa//// Thanks Misu!!!! ♡

I went to Little Damage to get charcoal ice cream with hotel friends in the evening! I’m not cut out for the edgy™ life though, only my cone was charcoal....it kinda tasted like super-thin oreos tbh

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Day 4

Last day!!! I finally got a decent amount of sleep last night, tho I could feel my voice dying out haha;; I rushed to the Exhibit Hall to do the Rilakkuma stamp rally cause I wanted their super cute lanyards (they had macarons on them!!!), but (long story short) they ran out before I could get it.....if you see me posting any art with macarons anytime soon, it’s probably me trying to fill the void with my salt...I had a fun time wandering around the Hall with my friend Viv tho! @Viv, I hope those canvas prints bring you great joy LOL 

I also apparently missed out on someone who wanted my Zuramaru print signed?? I’m so sad ;__;;; Also big apologies to Miyu for getting swamped when both the artists were gone from the table;;

I stayed at my table for the rest of the time till closing, and was surprised when everyone cheered at the closing announcement....it was a great feeling of solidarity haha/// Honestly, one of the best parts of having an AA badge was showing it to security guards to get in early; it felt so COOL and OFFICIAL huehue ( *´ ▽ `*)～♪

At the last minute, @hakiru dropped by and we traded buttons!! They’re so cute aaaa thanks again Akari!!  ♡

A last pic with the c47 crew!! That’s Miyu on the left in front of me, and Kanso on the right! Again, thanks for all the help with the registration and logistics and everything!

Final pic of all the stuff I got!! (minus the sweater, it’s in the wash) I hope I covered everything......

Overall, it was a pretty great experience this year!! I learned a lot and met/spent time with great people! I feel like I was too nervous meeting new people to crack jokes or live up to our punny table name though, so I hope I can do better with that+prepare more merch if I get a table again next year (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

Thank you thank you so much again to all the people who supported me all the way up to this point, and visited or bought merch from me at AX! I hope I can CONtinue to count on you guys in the future, hehe  (σ •̀ v •́ )σ✰

[shirohibiki]

well, folks, here it is. a month late and ~18600 words, my new record for longest fic to date. i’m sorry it’s so crazily long and crappy like everything else and i’m REALLY sorry it took so long, but… i hope y’all like it anyway, lmao i spent an UNGODLY fucking amount of time slaving over this. note: there are some explanations that are repeated because this is technically a standalone fic so it’s there for those who don’t read the others, but i’m actually putting some things in a loose timeline of sorts now. not all fics are in it or may not be listed, just the major stuff i guess idk

written for my spongebob human AU, timeline: [1] | [2] | [3]

spongebob is hosting one of his famous christmas parties, and sandy hatches an evil scheme: get spongebob drunk and encourage him to go kiss squidward under some mistletoe, in an effort to perhaps jump-start some progress in their relationship. she persuades him easily, and one totally smashed spongebob goes to give squidward the wildest smooch of his life. this causes all sorts of Feelings within squidward, but before he has the chance to confront spongebob about it, it’s apparent the next morning that spongebob has entirely forgotten the affair. squidward definitely isn’t going to remind him, and nobody else does either, so he must suffer in silence and try to deal with all of these foreign emotions.

merry belated christmas, everyone. i love all of you so much. <3 this is my gift to the beautiful squidbob community; thank you for being such a bright spot in my life!

Once Spongebob learned how to properly host parties, a Spongebob party was the best party in town.

This Christmas party was no different – and it was only the first one of the month! For every weekend in December, up to and including Christmas itself, he threw a festive shindig.

He’d gone all-out, as per usual fashion – the entire pineapple was decorated inside and out, chock full of jolly holiday cheer. Wreaths, garland, ribbons, lights, mistletoe, stockings, ornaments, candy canes, snowglobes – you name it, he had it. On the front of his snow-covered pineapple hung an inviting banner that read, ‘Mele Kalikimaka!’ A herd of glowing reindeer lounged about in the front yard, accompanied by a snowman family. His Christmas tree was stunning – he’d picked out the biggest coral tree he could find and made sure it was perfect in every way, with every ornament hung with care and every strand of lights threaded with precision. His fireplace roared welcomingly, providing an incredibly cozy heat for people to snuggle by. Glistening multicolored lights and garland were run along the walls of every room with red bows accentuating them. Countless other decorations adorned his household which inspired great holiday spirit for all. The banquet provided was nothing to sneeze at, either. His grandmother and Squidward’s mother both baked their famous cookies, and combined with the other various desserts, those sweets were a force to be reckoned with. Spongebob home-cooked a lot of the meals; the ham, the turkey, the kielbasa, the bean salad, the roasted vegetables, the mashed potatoes, the baked ziti, and so much more… The pepperoni bread was from a nearby Italian joint, but it was a must-have. His parents often came to help him, along with Sandy – Patrick was banned from the kitchen. As in he wasn’t even allowed to be in the same house while they cooked. If nothing else, Spongebob was a perfectionist. That meant every spread, like the rest of his house, looked like it was straight out of a Christmas magazine with how neat and ornate it was… Until people started eating, of course!

Spongebob loved Christmas. Ever since Sandy told him all about it that fateful day… And the day he met the real Santa Claus… It had easily become his favorite holiday. He adored everything about it! The shopping, the decorating, the snow aplenty! The gifts, the love in the air, the chestnuts roasting! The mistletoe~… Oh, Christmas… It was the most wonderful time of the year indeed.

By 5 PM, almost everyone had arrived and the party got underway. Joyful holiday music and the sound of chatter filled the well-lit rooms while the host flitted about, checking on everyone just to make sure they were having the Best Party Ever™. The very picture of adorability, Spongebob wore a beautifully gaudy reindeer themed ugly sweater that hung off the shoulder, a headband with reindeer antlers, and tight black slacks. Along with his rosy freckled cheeks, captivating cerulean eyes, fluffy flaxen hair and gap-toothed smile, he dazzled all of the partygoers. Since things had now settled down, he was finally able to go relax for a moment. He trotted over to a table and sighed in relief as he seated himself. “Oh boy…” Being host sure could be tiring! He loved it, though. Everyone looked so great in their sweaters and button-downs and dresses, and they were all enjoying themselves.

Blue eyes roved around the crowded room – where was… Ah. There he was. Squidward was sitting on a couch across the room, appearing to be quite a bit less grumpy than he usually did, sporting a charming ugly sweater like always. It was snowman themed this time! He was actually talking to someone, too! It was so nice to see him having a good time… Spongebob sighed again, more wistfully this time, propping his arm up on the table and resting his cheek in his palm. Gee… What he wouldn’t give to be sitting in his lap with one of Squidward’s arms around his waist. That’d be swell. If it were possible, he managed to become even more romantically charged than he already was around holidays like Christmas or Valentine’s. It was just – it looked so nice for couples, with the hugging and the kissing and the scarf-sharing and the cuddling by the fire and the…

Gosh… It’d be real swell.

“Howdy, Spongebob!” A familiar voice pulled him from his melancholy-tinged thoughts. One Sandra Cheeks had approached him – he smiled up at her.

“Hiya, Sandy.”

“Takin’ a break? Neptune knows you deserve one!” She said, clapping him on the back as she pulled up a chair next to him.

“Hehe. Naw, I’m okay. I don’t mind the work!” She looked gorgeous tonight too, which came as no surprise. Makeup wasn’t something she wore too often, but tonight, she’d used some glittery gold eyeshadow with a deep plum lipstick and it was absolutely incredible on her. He could also see that she was wearing a wonderful ugly turtleneck sweater under her aquatic suit – such a shame she couldn’t take that dang old thing off. It was always so in the way. Curse their differences in oxygen intake. She had her thick brown curls pulled into pigtails like usual and a pretty burgundy bow on her tail that even lit up! And boy, that fur was fluffy today! “Ooh, I see you took extra care to fluff up your tail today!” He complimented, reaching over to pet through the soft pelt, marveling at it. Sandy chuckled.

“Yup! I brushed it for ten whole minutes! Gettin’ the bow perfect was kind of a challenge, but I managed it!”

“You sure did!” They shared a laugh before Sandy silently observed him for a moment or two. His expression had fallen – he seemed a tad distant, and, looking down, she spotted him continually squeezing some of the fabric of the hem of his sweater. Occasionally, his grip flexed so hard his knuckles went white.

“So, Sponge… Feelin’ kinda lonely, are ya? You’ve been quiet tonight.”

“Wh—“ He whipped around to gape at her. Jeez, she was way too astute! “I… No, I’m fine! I’m just really happy that everyone’s here, and that they’re all loving my party.” She tapped her fingers against her helmet thoughtfully, glancing to Squidward. Soon, a grin spread across her face.

“Maaaaybe y’all should go talk to ‘im.”

“I will in a bit, when he’s not busy.” Spongebob shifted uncomfortably, averting his gaze. The cloth he’d been toying with was now clutched in a firm, unforgiving hold.

“You suuuuuure put up a lotta mistletoe.” Sandy was ruthless in her attempts. She could tell Spongebob was sort of upset – not to mention anxious – and wanted to urge him to at least go and be near Squidward to put him more at ease. To her amusement, he flushed.

“Wh—it’s just decoration! I mean, I definitely encourage kissing for anyone who wants to, though.” Spongebob was a lover of romance, through and through. At that moment, an idea wormed its way into Sandy’s head. That grin of hers turned a shade more devilish, but to her best friend’s surprise, she relented, rising from her seat.

“I’m gonna get you a drink, okay? Wait right here, don’t you dare go on gettin’ up. There are others people can go to if they need somethin’.” She wagged a finger at him scoldingly. He pouted, but didn’t bother to argue because he knew he wouldn’t win that one.

Passing by numerous talkative revelers, Sandy skipped gleefully over to the beverage table in the kitchen. It was time to liven up this party. Larry, who was chilling out nearby, greeted her. He wore an ugly sweater too – but his was sleeveless. Had to show off those guns somehow!

“Hey, Sandy! How’s it hangin’?”

“Great! Just gettin’ our hard-workin’ lil’ Sponge a drink, heh.” Larry had been taking a sip of his water, but paused with the cup to his lips upon hearing her tone. His eyes narrowed suspiciously. He saw her reach for the cranberry juice from behind the fountain of punch.

“… Yeah? What’re you getting him?” The pineapple juice was next. Oh no, he knew what she was up to… She was so obvious about it too! She didn’t even bother to hide her smile!

“A Sponge’s lil’ helper~.” Sandy’s expression went downright sinister then. The vodka was next to be added to her beautiful cocktail. Hopefully there were cherries or limes around! Frowning, Larry stepped forward.

“Whoa, hey there, now wait a sec. What are you planning? We all know he loves baybreezes, but somehow, I don’t think he was the one who asked for it.” He had a very strong suspicion. It was confirmed by her cackling maniacally.

“HA! I think he needs to loosen up a bit! He gets wound up tighter than a snake ‘round a rodent it found for dinner when he hosts parties.” Larry placed his hands on his hips as she mixed it into a beautiful sunset – Spongebob’s favorite part of the drink. She was admittedly quite good at it blending the colors together.

“Loosen up, yeah. But you’re trying to get him all over Squidward. Are you sure this is a good idea? What if he does or says something he regrets?” His personal hangups with Squidward aside, he was mostly worried about Spongebob getting hurt in some way.

“P’SHAAAAWWW! He can just blame it on bein’ drunk, ain’t no thing!” Sandy’s evil laughter only continued. Her brew was now COMPLETED! The lifeguard pinched his brow.

“… Dude, it’s only 6. We can’t get him drunk this early.” She opened her mouth to speak, but went no further. Her brow creased. It would be a problem if the host passed out too early.

“… Hm. Well… Dinner’ll be served soon, right? Then he won’t need to supervise as much.” Be that as it may, he would try to regardless, knowing Spongebob. “So I mean, I don’t see why not, once all the food’s ready to go.”

“Oh boy,” Larry groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Sandy returned to Spongebob but instead of giving him what she’d made, told him he should probably help serve dinner first just to get it out of the way. It wasn’t like much had to be done – they just had to uncover the platters and make sure everything was warm and ready, mostly. He hadn’t even seen what she’d made him, but agreed nonetheless – his guests were of the utmost priority, they came first! Unsurprisingly, he went out of his way to make sure every single partygoer had everything they needed and that Patrick was not permitted to inhale all of the food. Frank, who was sitting at the table in the dining room, noticed him still buzzing about even after everyone had been served. “Spongebob, go eat already! We’re all fine, take a breather!” Others around him nodded in agreement. Spongebob turned, having been fussing over one of the M&M bowls.

“Wha? Uh, are you su—“ Sandy interrupted by walking right up to him and holding out his drink, beaming. It was a bit diluted now because she’d had to put in more ice to keep it cool, but she could certainly make more.

“Here. You need to sit yer butt down and spend time with us rather’n the candy dishes.”

“Yeah! We wanna talk to you, Spongebob!” Abigail agreed. “You always do this! You get so worried, but we’re all able to help ourselves, and there are other people we can go to if we need something. Just sit and hang out, okay?” Spongebob fretted a bit, feeling bad – he’d not realized he was that obsessive. He just wanted to throw a good party, so he spent a lot of time worrying and fixing things – at least in the beginning of the night. No matter what, as the party went on and fewer people needed him, he allowed himself to participate more. This time, though, they wanted him the whole party, not half of it. It wasn’t fair to him if he couldn’t have fun too.

“Gee… I’m sorry, I…” Finally regarding his beverage, he paused. His pupils dilated. A baybreeze… “It’s SO PRETTY,” he gasped, marveling at the way Sandy layered the liquids and how the glass glimmered with the reflection of the Christmas lights around them. Out of their close group of friends, she was the best at making mixed drinks. “AND A LOOPY STRAW?! WITH AN UMBRELLA AND CHERRIES?! OH, SANDY!” He pulled her into a tight hug, thrilled. Patting his back, she laughed.

“Yer welcome~! Drink up!”

“Oooh, already breaking out the alcohol, huh?” Evelyn asked, which gave Spongebob pause. Wait… Should he be drinking this early? The clock read 6:30. The party hadn’t been going on for very long… What if he drank too much and blacked out? He didn’t have a very strong constitution, and people needed him! He appeared as if he was going to protest, but he knew Sandy wouldn’t allow him to.

“… Okay, but just one!” He sat himself down at the table next to Larry, who wondered if Spongebob noticed that incredibly ominous grin on Sandy’s face.

“Drink! Drink! Drink!” Frank chanted. “You sure know how to make them, Sandy. Think you could teach me sometime? It always comes out muddled when I do it.”

“Hmm… Maybe I could host a workshop sometime, sure! It’s not too hard. Actually, Sponge, I can make another that’s real pretty like that, but has peach n’ orange juice in it! If you like yer baybreezes, you’d like this one.” He already seemed intrigued – hook, line, and sinker. He was sipping his current drink through his straw, thoroughly enjoying the mix of cranberry and pineapple. Alcohol itself wasn’t his favorite taste in the world, but he liked it with fruity things. Orange juice did sound good…

“What else is in it?”

“Like I said, pretty similar. Vodka, cranberry juice, peach schnapps, and orange juice. Or, at least, that’s one version of it. It’s all orange and red like these, but the orange is brighter.”

“Ooooh…” His eyes shone with wonder. He was such a sucker for the pretty colors, he couldn’t help it! He might have to have one now, it was so tempting… It would be fine, that was only two drinks! He didn’t even have to drink the whole thing! “What’s it called?”

Smirking, Sandy leaned forward a bit. “Sex on the Beach~.” There was a chance he wouldn’t get flustered, but… The way his countenance lit up rivaled the cranberry juice! Success! Larry tried to choke back a laugh and the others could be heard giggling. Spongebob quietly sucked his baybreeze through the straw, staring down at it, cheeks red. Unfortunately for him, whatever was swirling around in his mind eventually flustered him so much that he drained the entire glass in one go and then shouted, even redder than before,

“I WANT A SEX ON THE BEACH!” He pounded his empty glass down on the table. He wasn’t even that intoxicated – it had been fueled moreso by embarrassment. Those around him hushed for a moment before many burst into laughter. Larry couldn’t help it – oh, that was priceless! The delivery was perfect! Merely huffing, Spongebob crossed his arms. “There’s nothing funny about it! It’s just the name of a drink! Don’t be so lewd!” Sandy was chortling away as she got up to go make it for him. She’d have abs on top of her abs by the end of the night at this rate!

“Hoo doggie! Comin’ right up, Spongebob! One Sex on the Beach!” And back to the kitchen their squirrely friend ran.

“What happened to ‘just one?’” Evelyn teased, poking at his arm – this earned her another huff.

“It IS just one! It’s just one of – of a different kind! And it’s the only other one I’m having,” the blond insisted. Mr. Krabs noticed the commotion as he walked by with a plate of food in hand. Their host had already broken out the liquor? Hmm… He leaned over to whisper to Plankton, who was beside him.

“Think I should charge people fer the impendin’ Drunken Spongebob Shenanigans?”

“This is his house, Eugene,” Plankton replied flatly whilst picking a crumb off of his ugly sweater that matched Mr. Krabs’s.

“… Right, but… It’s like dinner and a show! People pay fer that!”

“In his own house, yes. If anyone could even attempt to use it for monetary gain, it would be him. Honestly, Eugene. You’re shameless.”

“Don’t you roll yer eye at me, Sheldon! Fine! I’ll just enjoy what we get to see, then.”

“Oh, Neptune. I think I’m going to need a drink…”

Sandy soon came back with another one of her beautiful concoctions. Deep orange and red, complete with a cherry, an umbrella, and a loopy straw. Everyone currently around them ‘ooh’ed and ‘ahh’ed. Spongebob squealed – it was so BEAUTIFUL! He held out his hands to take it from her, admiring at its sunset-esque gradient. Upon him taking his first sip, applause sounded.

“How’s it taste?! I might need one, Sandy!”

“Wow!! I love it!! The orange juice is so good with cranberry!” He honestly couldn’t tell if he liked pineapple and cranberry or orange and cranberry better… Both? Both. Both is good.

“That’s some good Sex on the Beach, eh, Sponge?” Sandy was out for blood tonight! Good lord! Sadly, she didn’t get the reaction she wanted – Spongebob merely nodded, contentedly drinking away.

“Mmhmm!” She knew he’d start getting tipsy quite swiftly – she’d added a biiiit more vodka than the recipe called for since the orange juice helped in masking it. She also wondered if she could get him to try another…

“I’ll make a round of drinks for y’all, sure! I know you aren’t done with that one yet, Spongebob, but how do ya feel about tryin’ somethin’ blue?” Oh, how easy it was to entice him. His wide eyes moved to her, the straw still between his lips.

“Blue..?” Ohh… Ohhhhhh… He loved blue… Anything blue Sandy made would definitely be good!

“As blue as yer pretty eyes.” She poked his nose. He mulled it over, but Frank made his decision for him instead.

“Yeah, we wanna see that one! If he doesn’t drink it, I will!”

“No no I’ll drink it I’ll drink it!” Spongebob said hurriedly, ditching his ‘just one’ policy in favor of pretty colors. Sandy couldn’t have been happier. He’d be smashed soon enough… And then… He might need a little push… And the pieces would fall into place. Larry shot the scientist a glare, but she ignored it and went skipping back to the kitchen.

“Hey, Sponge, maybe you should slow down a li—“ Larry stopped dead in the middle of his sentence and his eyes bulged upon seeing that HE’D ALREADY FINISHED IT. “Whoa—have you even eaten anything?! You should really take it easy, buddy!” Hearing Spongebob’s giggle made his stomach drop. Oh no. It had begun. If he’d not eaten anything to absorb it, with how fast he was downing those he’d be a goner in no time.

“Hee… Umm, I dunno. Maybe? Hey, Pat, did I eat anything?” Spongebob asked, leaning forward to see his friend who was three seats down from him, devouring the mountain of food he possessed. Hearing his name, he looked up, mouth stuffed with chicken.

“Uhhhh… Ahh…” Patrick had to swallow before he could speak. “I think I saw you eating some veggies and dip earlier?”

“Ohh, okay! Thanks, Pat!”

“Anytime, pal!” And right back to eating Patrick went. He wasn’t messing around – he’d already finished two plates. Spongebob’s smile returned to one unamused Larry Buffington.

“… Yeeeah. I mean, it’s something, but you should really have some turkey or mashed potatoes. Want me to get it for you?”

“Well…” The blond pouted down at his empty glass. “I wann’another… It’s all gone.” Larry was exasperated already. Sure, it was funny at first, but… He just – he wanted to protect Spongebob from doing something he’d really regret! Being drunk at a party was one thing. It happened. It wasn’t a big deal… But when you threw Squidward into the mix, things got risky, and Sandy pushing them together was a recipe for disaster. You could only blame so much on being drunk. What if he confessed his feelings in a sloppy and careless manner? Oh Neptune, the lack of a filter would lead to some really awkward professions. Just the thought sent a shiver down his spine – they might never see Squidward again after something like that. To his vexation, before he could speak further, Sandy brought a dream of a cocktail that indeed matched the cerulean of Spongebob’s irises as well as the water around them. It shimmered in the light enticingly. Drooling, Spongebob reached for it.

“Heeeeere y’are!” She chirped, but before she could hand it over, Larry snatched it from her.

“Sandy. C’mon, man. Let him take a break – you don’t want him getting sick, do you?” He held it up high so Spongebob couldn’t reach it, though that didn’t stop him from trying.

“Nngh—gimme—“

“Larry, why are you being such a party pooper?” Abigail whined. “What’s the problem? He’s cute when he’s drunk! Let him have fun! It’s a Christmas party!” The lifeguard soon found that the others were also chiming in to agree. Was he the only sensible one around here?! Squidward was the problem here, not Spongebob just being tanked! But… He reasoned that it wasn’t like Spongebob had never been intoxicated at a party Squidward was also at. It had gone alright then (even if Spongebob became clingier or flirtier), so why would it be any different now? Sandy, that was why. She had a specific goal in mind and it wasn’t just to let Spongebob flirt with Squidward on his own. No, she wanted more than that. She knew how tricky this situation was, why was she doing this?! Trying to force a change could go really badly… There was a possibility of success, but Larry wasn’t sure he wanted to bet on that.

“I hope you know what could happen,” Larry muttered to Sandy through a clenched jaw. This was serious stuff… She knew that. He understood that she wanted some progress – they all did, for Spongebob’s sake. But was this the way to go about it? Sandy’s demeanor shifted to that of uneasiness for a split second before she hid it.

“I’ve got it under control,” she said. Larry merely arched a doubtful brow and gave Spongebob his drink.

“Hm. Alright then, bro. Here you go. But take it slow this time, and eat something with it.”

“YAY!” Spongebob grabbed it right up and took a drink to see how it tasted. He wrinkled his nose a tad at first – this one had a stronger taste of alcohol. He was already buzzed, though, so it wouldn’t bother him too much. The cocktail kept him quiet while he savored it. Sandy served drinks to a few other people who wanted them, and things were relatively calm until Spongebob finished his third – probably quicker than he should’ve, but not as fast as the ones prior. “Ahhhh… Wowie, that was great! Thanks, Saaaandy~.” Looking down, he noticed a plate of some food Larry had gotten for him at some point. He scrutinized it, squinting – his vision was kinda… Blurry. What was even on this plate? Where had it come from? “Izzis… Bread?” He picked up what was indeed a piece of bread, sniffed at it, then took a nibble. Yes, this was probably bread. Maybe. Larry slid him some water as he snacked.

“Remember to always be hydrating, bud. It’ll help later when you wake up from this.”

“Thaaaaank yoooou~,” Spongebob sang, doing as he was told. Always be hydrating!! Yes!! He could do that! He’d make Larry proud! He downed his water, afterwards calling out for Sandy. “SANDY! LARRY SAID ALWAYS BE HYDRATING! CAN YOU MAKE ME ANOTHER?”

“I sure can, Spongebob! Whaddaya want?” Spongebob giggled giddily into his hands, swaying a bit. Larry didn’t bother to say anything, instead slapping a hand to his face. It was out of his control now.

“Sex~…” He didn’t finish saying the name of the drink for whatever reason.

“Oh, I’ll bet!” Evelyn laughed, and Abigail swatted at her.

“Oh my gosh, stoppp! Don’t be weird!” One more and he’d be utterly and completely wasted, even if Sandy skimped on the alcohol… Which she wouldn’t. Oh, she did hope he would forgive her in the morning… The brunette fetched him his desired Sex on the Beach, then watched him chug it aaaand…

“WOOOO! NOW THAT IS A DRINK! SEXIN’ ON THE BEACH IS RIGHT!” He stood suddenly then, slamming his hands onto the table, “PATRICK—Whoa…” Standing so fast disoriented him for a moment, but he recovered just as quickly. “PATRICK! LET’S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP, BUDDY! ARE YOU READY?!” Patrick’s head jerked up.

“Wha?”

“CHRISTMAS!”

“Oh—YEAH! Let’s do it!” Patrick eagerly jumped up as well and jogged over to his best friend. They took one another’s hand, both taking a step back in preparation.

“Here we goooo!” Frank grinned, leaning back to appreciate the show. The pair burst out into theatrical song and dance.

“IT’S SHAPING UP TO BE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY! NOT YOUR NORMAL, AVERAGE EVERYDAY!” Squidward wasn’t in the room to sing his part (not that he would anyway), so someone else did it for him, as was tradition for every Christmas party. Poor Squidward.

“Sounds like someone felled my old coral tree! Spongebob, Patrick, why’d ya do this to me?!”

“THE WORLD FEELS LIKE IT’S IIIIIN LOVERLY~!”

“Go away before I harm you bodily!”

“THIS CHRISTMAS FEELS LIKE THE VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS TO MEEEEEEEE~!” Spongebob was a bit off-key – he was unsurprisingly having trouble controlling his cadence. He and Patrick pranced around, a spectacle for all to see that was only enhanced by Patrick’s snazzy light-up sweater. The crowd was going wild! “THERE’LL BE SHOPPING, DECORATING, AND PLENTY OF SNOW! HEY, PATRICK, WHO’S THAT UNDER THE—“ Spongebob stopped abruptly, leaving Patrick to tumble and narrowly miss colliding with a nearby end table. “… Mistle… toe?” It was as if something connected in his mind at that moment – he stared at a nearby doorway in which mistletoe hung. No one was there, but it seemed like something was processing – perhaps a revelation of sorts. Plankton and Krabs had even stood in preparation to sing their parts, but everyone was left hanging, watching Spongebob.

Bingo.

“HEY, WAITASECOND!” Spongebob began to search the room, distraught. “WHERE’S SQUIDDY?!” It was as if he’d just noticed, even though Squidward hadn’t stepped foot in the room once. The others looked around too. Not everyone was in the dining room – there were many guests littered about the house, all having their own fun, so Squidward could’ve been anywhere. The only real restrictions were the bedrooms upstairs; every other room in the house was open.

While nobody else seemed to know, Sandy did. She’d gone to find Squidward – he’d actually been hanging out upstairs with a book to get away from the noise for a short while. He’d not been there for too long when she’d investigated, so he was likely still there. “I saw him earlier, Sponge,” she said, to which Spongebob rushed to her and grabbed her shoulders.

“Where?! We need ‘im here! How can—how can he do his part?!” He shook her as if it were the direst situation in the universe. It wasn’t like he would do his part anyway, so others did it instead, but that didn’t seem to matter.

“I know! He needs ta stand under the mistletoe, right?” Larry watched as this unfolded before him – she’d planted the seed. It was all over now – they could only guess what might happen. Spongebob stared at her owlishly for a few moments, a little more color filling his cheeks to add to what was already there. Mistletoe… Yeah… His gaze moved behind her to a doorway where he’d hung the festive plant. He missed Squidward… He wanted to cuddle up to him… Why wasn’t he here? Maybe he was busy… But surely he’d spare a little time for his bestest friend in the whole world, right? Mistletoe…

“I wanna…” Spongebob took a very deep inhale. “… Wanna go get ‘im. He needs to join in on the fun! It’s not a party without Squidward! Patrick, buddy, can you cover for me? Make—make sure my snail doesn’t get eaten by the pineapple, okay?”

“Oh—you bet, Sponge! I’ll take real good care of him!” Patrick hadn’t had a single sip of alcohol, but hey. At least he understood it.

They all watched Spongebob run off ungracefully, stumbling and tripping on his journey upstairs. After he’d left, the people at the table began to discuss amongst themselves. “Fifty bucks they kiss,” Fred wagered.

“Ehhh, I dunno. He hasn’t tried it before, has he?” Frank asked.

“Well, who knows, but there’s mistletoe involved here!”

“What if he confesses?”

“That would be a mess. I think he is close to doing it, though, one of these days.”

“Okay, guys, rev up those bets! Let’s see if our boy finally gets some tonight!” Cheers were heard all around. Of course, everyone knew by now – if you saw the two of them interact with any regularity, his crush was plain as day. It had been like this for years; everyone was just waiting for something to happen.

So far, Spongebob had found nobody on the third floor, because it wasn’t a place guests usually went. The first and second floors were the main hangouts, but he wanted to be thorough. Geez… He felt kinda dizzy. His eyes weren’t entirely focused… “Squiiiddyyyy? Are you up heeere?” He called, checking each room. Where could he be? Spongebob needed him, for a lot of reasons! … Should he take his shoes off as a defensive maneuver in case of emergency? OH, but what if Squidward wanted to polish them? He’d better keep them on then, just in case. You never knew if your friend was going to want to polish your shoes. “I—whoa! Pardon me, miss, ah—“ He’d run into a lamp, not a person. Just as he was reaching one of the last rooms in the hallway, none other than Squidward was leaving it. “Oh—!” Spongebob skidded to a halt, and Squidward greeted him upon noticing him.

“Oh, hey, Spongebob. How’s the party going? I must admit, your library only gets more impressive as it grows.” Squidward stopped in the doorway, hooking a thumb in his pocket while shifting his weight to the opposite hip. He slouched just slightly, holding little tension in his shoulders. There was a certain warmth in his normally weary carmine eyes and the corner of his mouth twitched upwards in a half-smirk as he regarded Spongebob. Draped over his lanky frame was a sweater that was a little too large, contrasted by snug jeans. The other stared at him, gaping – he seemed so relaxed! And he was so… Handsome… That sweater looked marvelous on him… Spongebob swore he was blinded by the sheer beauty of it all. And… Wait a second… He was standing under mistletoe! Unless that was a set of keys hanging from the doorframe. But that wouldn’t make any sense. Or would it? But it was totally mistletoe, and… Sandy said… And… Mistletoe…

“Oooh, wow, Squiddy, you sure are lookin’ good tonight,” Spongebob slurred, taking a wobbly step closer. “I just looooove that sweater… I’ve been lookin’ all over for you…”

“Oh? Why-- … Wait a minute.” Squidward squinted down at him – he was sort of acting like… “Are you drunk?” Oh boy. Great. “Already? It’s only 8 o’clock, Spongebob.”

“Nnnoooooo~… I’m not drunk, heehee…” He was nearly salivating – Neptune, Squidward was so—mmph. Squidward simply shook his head.

“You’re hopeless. Anyway, you’ve found me, so we can go back downstairs now.” He’d had enough time to recharge from the social interaction. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to deal with an inebriated Spongebob, but eh, he would see. Maybe he’d stick around. It was entertaining to watch Spongebob while he was drunk sometimes. When Spongebob didn’t move aside, Squidward blinked. “Well? What are you waiting for?” Why was Spongebob looking at him like that..?

In Spongebob’s hazy mind, the fact that Squidward hadn’t moved out of the doorway and away from the mistletoe told him that he was definitely interested in making out. It entirely ignored the fact that he was standing in Squidward’s way and that he’d either have to retreat back into the room or push past him to get out from under the decoration. “Ooh, Squiddy,” he purred, “I’d love to… I’m so glad you want it too…” He never said anything of the sort, Spongebob.

At first, Squidward had been about to question why his neighbor was getting breathy over… Going downstairs. Soon, however, he found himself in absolutely no position to ask that question – or any other, for that matter. Before he could speak, the blond had advanced, stepping right up to him and leaning up on his tippy toes to press their bodies together. He ran a hand down Squidward’s chest, blatantly feeling him up, his free arm hooking around his neck to tug him down a little. Squidward was paralyzed with shock – what—? What was happening? Whoa, those bedroom eyes – holy SHRIMP, what was going on—?! Before he knew it, Spongebob had pivoted them a little and backed him up against the doorframe. “I’ll make it good, I promise…” A deep and sultry tone was not something Squidward heard from him often. Before any of this could register, he was met with an entirely new and even more startling sensation.

Spongebob had roughly fisted some of his hair, the other hand clutching his sweater, and yanked him down into a crushingly needy kiss. Squidward’s mind went completely blank, any and all thoughts evaporating instantly. His entire body went rigid and the wind was knocked from his lungs. He didn’t return the kiss – the world around him had disintegrated and he was lost in a sea of nothingness. Time ceased to exist. Was he dreaming? Had he himself gotten drunk and passed out? Where even was he? What was he doing? Who was with him? Who was… What was…

Unrelenting, the blond tugged again at teal locks to tilt Squidward’s head a little more for better access. With the sheer force of the kiss, Squidward had no choice but to kiss back but was entirely unaware of his doing so.

“Mmmm… Mmh… Mm…”

It was only when Spongebob’s muffled noises reached his ears that all at once, reality came crashing down onto him at warp speed. Time went into hyperdrive instead of standing still. Squidward’s heart gave a sharp lurch and his eyes flew open in astonishment for a brief second before they screwed shut once more. Opening his mouth to gasp had been an involuntary mistake – he was then electrified with the feeling of tongue. Not much, though – just a gentle and questioning lick that went no further.

What…

… In the NAME OF DAVEY JONES’S LOCKER WAS GOING ON?!?!

There was… This was… It… Spongebob…

Spongebob…

SPONGEBOB!!!

Spongebob was kissing him! Not just on the cheek, nose, forehead, head, shoulder, or wherever else… But… The LIPS!!! Was this a nightmare? Was he in hell? Had he gone mad? It—

IT STILL WASN’T OVER!

Squidward’s frantic thoughts were now interrupted by the exceedingly prominent physical sensations. He could hear himself panting – his body was boiling up. His face was on fire. He was sweating and his knees were weak. He felt so lightheaded – a feeble noise escaped him while Spongebob’s desperate whimpers filled his ears. He was just now noticing how nice Spongebob smelled – his shampoo and cologne surrounded him with something he didn’t often give much consideration to. The strongest thing he could taste was the alcohol – eugh. There was an underlying fruitiness, however, and beneath that… An indescribable taste that was none other than Spongebob’s own. Spongebob had gotten a little braver with that tongue of his, and oh… The hair-pulling, gah—the hand running down his side—

Why did it feel…

Good?

It was sloppy, it was forceful, it was wet, and it was mindblowing. It was driven by such brazen passion that it was enough to make anyone’s head spin. He just couldn’t refrain from making sounds, which was humiliating, but he didn’t really have time to worry about that when Spongebob was grazing his lower lip with his teeth. He didn’t bite – at least, not yet. Squidward clawed at either side of the wall connected to the doorframe behind him, having needed something to grip onto, although it wasn’t much.

“Squidmmmph…” Spongebob moaned between fervent kisses, relishing in the sweet and heavenly taste of the person he so dearly adored. This was a dream come true! He was so lucky! He never, ever thought he’d get a real chance to kiss Squidward! (And technically, he hadn’t.) This was everything he’d ever wanted… Apparently, all Squidward needed was a little bit of mistletoe to be interested in doing this! Maybe he should carry some around in his pocket!

Why was each enthusiastic and energetic kiss leaving Squidward positively breathless? Why did he kind of sort of maybe not want to stop? Why was this happening in the FIRST PLACE? Why was… Why…

WHY WAS SPONGEBOB A GOOD KISSER?!?!

Who had he been able to PRACTICE with!? It certainly wasn’t Sandy, for obvious reasons! So why wasn’t this more awkward?! Why wasn’t this a pathetic, laughable attempt?! Why was this one of the best kisses he’d ever—NO, DAMNIT! THIS WASN’T—THERE WAS NO WAY IT COULD BE ONE OF THE BEST, NO SIR! It was just heat of the moment! The moment that was NOT GOOD, it was – it was a pitiful display really – he was… He was so amazing with his tongue and lips and teeth and—

Squidward was about ready to collapse. Or scream. Or cry. Or vomit. Or die. Or all five. He’d legitimately just thought of Spongebob Squarepants as being a good kisser. Unironically. Maybe because Spongebob Squarepants was still making out with him. His gut seared with shame and something else he really didn’t want to acknowledge. Every last shred of his sanity had shattered, hadn’t it? Was he hallucinating? He was surely tripping the fuck out, right?

… No.

No, this was the real king of geeky, aggravating losers in the flesh, demonstrating his apparent prowess in the art of French kissing that he’d picked up from literally who knew where. The real Spongebob Squarepants turning Squidward’s mind into a puddle of mush. He was livid for so many reasons, but he was also…

Oh, Neptune, he wasn’t ready for this to end.

To his delight displeasure, Spongebob delivered on that, continuing to treat him to a wild, heart-stopping ride of passion. He loved hated the way Spongebob was tugging at his hair and squeezing his hip. The warm weight of his tiny body pressed against his own proved to be really comfortable detestable. He wasn’t at all attracted by his refreshing unremarkable scent. The sounds he was making were enticingly adorable extraordinarily inappropriate and not something Squidward ever wanted to hear in his entire LIFE.

The day Squidward Tentacles enjoyed a hot makeout session with Spongebob Squarepants was the day he declared himself officially insane beyond all repair. He was a lost cause and he was so disappointed in himself. How could he stoop so low? His mother would be ashamed. It—it was just the pheromones! That was all! He wasn’t really reveling in it – that was DISGUSTING!

… Why did he get the sense he’d recently been through a similar experience of questioning his soundness of mind due to Spongebob? Hadn’t he thought some of these exact same things not too long ago for some other reason?

After what seemed to be eons, Spongebob finally withdrew with a groan. A trail of saliva followed him that he broke by licking his lips. Squidward literally heard himself whine at the loss, and was ready to die of shame in that very instant. They were both gasping for breath, exhausted from their tryst. Squidward could feel Spongebob’s small frame shaking too. “Oh, Squiddy,” the blond breathed, feeling even more intoxicated from the divine taste of his friend’s mouth. Lidded eyes met wide ones. “Thank you for the Churrsmurs… Chr… Mmf…” His voice cracked as he spoke. Squidward noticed how messy the other’s hair had gotten and how it was sticking in his face… How scarlet his cheeks were and the way it lit up his freckles… How his eyes held such endearment and were glazed with desire… “Churrsmurs press’nt… Polishin’ my shoes…” Spongebob tried again, very obviously having great difficulty regaining his composure. “I hope y’liked it… Was good fer ya…” A loopy titter left him. Gee, the room had been spinning for quite a while now! “Mmmph… We can go stairs, uh… Down… Nnuh. Kay?” He had no idea where the stairs were and if he did he’d likely have to crawl down them, but he’d cross that bridge when he got to it. He gingerly took a dumbfounded Squidward’s cheeks into his hands and gave him one last tiny, affectionate peck on the lips before pulling away.

Of course, he stumbled a little, squeaking as he hit the other side of the doorframe – whoa. “Oof…” Gotta be careful with those dresser drawers, their teeth could be sharp sometimes… He recovered, though, and managed to sloooowly stagger down the hallway, until he eventually found the stairs – there they were! Ooh, where did they lead to? Boy, he was so dizzy. He was not going to make it safely down those stairs if he tried to walk. Instead, he merely laid himself on his stomach and dragged himself down, having absolutely zero problems with doing so. He was surfing down the stairs! Shoot, he forgot his boogie board… It was perhaps a sad sight to see, but what else would you expect from someone who was absolutely drunk off their ass and high on pheromones? He was the happiest guy in the whole entire universe. Nothing could bother him. Sandy happened to find him halfway down the second flight of stairs and yelped in alarm.

“Spongebob! Are y’all okay?!” She asked, racing to him and picking the poor sot up in her arms.

“Uh huh~…” Spongebob closed his eyes and curled into her, drooling on her suit. “Squiddy wuz real nice’n polished my shoes fer me… Dinn’t even hafta take ‘em off…” Brows raised as Sandy stared down at him. Polished his shoes… SHE KNEW IT! She KNEW they’d been smooching harder than two rabbits in a den in the beginning of April! SUCCESS! SHE’D DONE IT! SHE HAD FINALLY GOTTEN SQUIDWARD AND SPONGEBOB TO KISS! (Assuming that didn’t mean something else entirely, but that was unlikely.)

… Now to hope Squidward didn’t move out or something crazy like that. But she had a feeling… She could sense it, and she had been able to for a while now. She didn’t think Squidward would be going anywhere. Huff and puff as he might, she could see some inkling of emotion there – it was just buried deep, deep down. Even if she was wrong, hey, at least they tried, and she sincerely doubted Squidward would do anything drastic either way. Hopefully, though, this would give his thoughts on it a little jump start. She also hoped nothing else had happened, like an… Accidental confession. Oh, she prayed. Larry would kill her if that happened. And so would Spongebob, actually. Aaaand probably Squidward. So. She hoped it was just a kiss and nothing more. “Did y’all shine ‘em good?” She tucked Spongebob close and carried him downstairs into the living room, where she then sat herself on the couch and kept him curled up in her lap.

“Mmmhmmm… Reeeal good… This Churrsmurs feels like th’very firs’ Churrsmurs t’meeeeeee~…” Sandy gestured to nearby onlookers to be quiet. Spongebob promptly fell asleep, his mewling snores beginning almost immediately. He was completely conked out. A shame since they didn’t get to see too much of Party Sponge, but they could always give him more drinks later! Hearing Spongebob was back, Larry ran into the room, silently questioning what had happened. Sandy gave him a wink and a thumbs-up. He seemed surprised… And uneasy. But instead of making a fuss, he went to go get a blanket and some water for Spongebob. Hopefully he wouldn’t have too much of a hangover when he awoke. The other partygoers began to either celebrate or lament their loss – money had been on that kiss, and that kiss had happened!

Meanwhile…

Squidward had slid down the doorframe slowly the minute Spongebob left, gawking, staring blankly ahead, a hand over his mouth. He just sat there, flabbergasted and white as a sheet, unable to swallow any of this. There was literally nothing in his head. He was in a state of pure shock.

After a solid two minutes of static, a brief flash of a memory hit him and that was enough to flush his cheeks with a bright crimson and get him onto his feet. Having risen too fast, he reeled, but was able to orient himself and surveyed the area frantically.

He needed to leave. He needed to go home right now. He was going to just leave through the back door – better yet, he could jump out the window and hope for a concussion. However he did it, he just needed to go, before anyone saw him or talked to him or even thought of him. He thanked Neptune that he lived right next door – he didn’t have far to go. Squidward made a break for it, running as fast as he possibly could for the exit. His path was luckily clear until the last hallway, but he ignored whoever was standing there and hurtled the hell out of the cozy pineapple of a house, bubbles forming in his wake.

Upon arriving home, Squidward locked every single door and window in the Moai head, and, quivering slightly, just sat on his bed, head bowed, that same shell-shocked expression on his face.

He was having a great deal of trouble thinking. Five minutes passed and he hadn’t moved, nor processed any sort of thought. It was all just white noise. After a few more minutes, he lay down on his side, wriggling under his plush periwinkle blankets so he was at least… Sort of comfortable. It was then he spotted his teddy bear on the pillow across from him – Spongebob had won that for him when Krabs had bought a crane game to keep at the Krusty Krab.

Spongebob…

Tremoring fingers lifted to trace over his lips and the color ultimately surged back into his cheeks.

Spongebob… Kissed him…

The words now echoed in his head.

Wait; was he positive that had been real? It could’ve been a dream! Hold on, WHY WOULD HE DREAM ABOUT THAT?! EW! NO WAY! But—hold on. If he hadn’t dreamt it… That meant it really happened, right? He knew he wasn’t drunk… So… That could only mean one thing.

He’d actually made out with his neighbor, coworker, enemy, rival, definitely-not-friend. They had exchanged… Saliva. Touched tongues. Speaking of TOUCHING, Spongebob had totally groped his chest! Squidward had felt that! HOW HORRIFYINGLY IMPROPER! And then he’d felt up his side and hip. Squeezed, even! And how roughly he pulled on his hair! How dare he?! How dare he… How dare… How…

Squidward continued to ghost the tips of his fingers over his lips in remembrance.

… Why?

Was it just because he’d been drunk? There was no mistake he’d known who he was kissing, but… What had spurred it aside from the drunkenness? He’d never done that before and he’d been plastered at plenty of parties. Not to excess, but just in general. He was a pretty fun drunk, all things considered – though he did get… Flirty.

Wait.

That was right… Usually he became (even more) clingy and bolder in his flirting. But Squidward wasn’t the only one he attempted to woo! He went for Patrick, Sandy, sometimes Larry… On rare occasions, lamps… But usually, he went for… None other than Squidward. But it didn’t mean anything, right? He was just… That was just how he was, wasn’t it? The fact that he sought out Squidward for the kiss was merely a coincidence. He probably tried to kiss the entire party downstairs! It didn’t mean a single thing!

… That gleam in his eyes… That husky and seductive tone… Squidward shivered. He didn’t think Spongebob had it in him, but apparently… Not that he found it attractive or anything outrageously vile like that! He was simply stupefied by it, seeing as how much of a dork the guy was.

Spongebob had said it was his Christmas present, oddly enough. What did that mean? Why was a kiss from Squidward his Christmas present? Did that imply a kiss with everyone else was, too? Perhaps he meant kissing in general…

“Oh, puh-leeze, Squiddy, you know what he meant,” he growled at himself. Of course he’d meant Squidward specifically. There was no mistake about that. ‘Why’ was the only question to be answered. Maybe there was no reason, though – maybe it was just the booze talking, especially taking into account that he’d followed it by saying ‘thanks for polishing my shoes.’

…

As much as Squidward really didn’t want to contemplate it, he realized there was a very simple explanation to all of this. He wasn’t stupid. He knew it was different with him – even if Spongebob DID kiss everyone at the party, it would be different with Squidward. It would be different because his neighbor so very obviously had a crush. Anyone with half a brain could see it – and it wasn’t new, not by any means. Spongebob had been dropping hints left and right for… Squidward didn’t even know how long. A long while. He didn’t pay too much attention to it because it wasn’t his business. Spongebob had never straight up said anything about it so he had no reason to address it. He didn’t know how deep it ran, nor did he particularly care. It was just there, and he chose to ignore it. But… Because of the crush, that kiss… Meant something.

That passion had been a product of Spongebob’s feelings for him and he knew it. Squidward’s stomach churned. Oh, that was revolting. He would NEVER let it happen again. EVER. Who cared about Spongebob’s feelings anyway?! Eugh, how GROSS! So what if there was meaning behind it? It wasn’t like it mattered!

… How long had Spongebob wanted to do that for?

Squidward recalled their very first Christmas. The song they now held as tradition, much to Squidward’s irritation, originated there. Even back then, Spongebob had been oddly interested in Squidward being under the mistletoe. Jeez, that was years ago… Many years. Had he wanted that all this time? Had he held onto his little crush that long? Unless the infatuation was more recent and that incident had just been him being his weird self…

“… WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS?!” Squidward shouted, clawing at his face. There was literally no reason to mull this over because it wasn’t important! Who cared if Spongebob liked him in a ‘more-than-friends’ manner?! Aside from that notion making him ill, it wasn’t of his concern! It wasn’t like he reciprocated those feelings in ANY way! It was what it was – it wasn’t being addressed and therefore it didn’t matter. It was really, really, really, really insignificant. It probably wasn’t even that big of a crush! WHATEVER! Even if it spurred the action, that wasn’t the important part. The important part was that he had just been kissed by—

Another wave of realization smacked him in the face.

He, Squidward Tentacles, had not only been just making out with his dreaded foe Spongebob Squarepants – he, Squidward Tentacles, had been making shamefully needy noises as he (unintentionally) returned the kiss. He, Squidward Tentacles, had squirmed under Spongebob’s touch as they kissed, and had maybe sort of enjoyed it a little.

He’d. Kissed. Spongebob.

Squidward began to scream at last. It had taken him long enough! So, to the shower it was! Time to wash away the impurity and the sin!

Nearly falling out of bed, he scrambled to the bathroom and dry heaved into the toilet until the nausea passed. He then proceeded to scrub his teeth SO HARD his gums bled. He didn’t care about the pain, SO LONG AS HE CLEANSED HIS MOUTH OF THIS FOULNESS! Afterwards, he paused to take a breath, accidentally thought about the situation, and then resumed his screeching. Those screeches soon devolved into sobs as Squidward hurried for the shower, stripped, and immediately began to scour his body with the soap. “NO! NO! NO! H-HE IS NOT A GOOD KISSER! HE IS NOT A GOOD KISSER! H-HOW DARE HE?! DISGUSTING, DISGUSTING, DISGUSTING!!!” Everything was a blur now. He’d lost his self-respect, his sanity, and his lunch from this debacle. A whole slew of emotions raged within him, some of which he had to desperately try to disregard.

Two hours later, one enervated Squidward hauled himself back to bed sluggishly after his purging was complete. He was going to have ONE HELL OF A TALK with a CERTAIN SOMEONE tomorrow. But wait – how could he even face him? How could he look Spongebob in the eye after such an exchange? How could he acknowledge what they’d done? He couldn’t! He couldn’t, it was too humiliating and – NO. He needed to. He needed to be firm and tell him that… That it should never happen again. And that he absolutely hadn’t liked any of it. And that would be that. Nothing more, nothing less. Or, okay, maybe just a little more yelling and telling him how awful it had been. Yes. That would work. He could do it. He was mortified, but he had to press on. He could only pray that no one else had heard about it… After their talk, he’d pretend this NEVER EVER happened and move on with his life. All he had to do was not think about it. How hard could that be?

The next morning, Squidward was a nervous wreck – one glimpse of his ghastly pallor would tell you that. For reasons beyond his comprehension, his hair would not cooperate today – no matter how much he brushed it, it refused to stay put, as if it wanted to spite him by adding to his disheveled look. Reddened eyes and deep facial lines of fatigue implied quite a few things. His anxiety announced itself emphatically by way of making him run his tense, shaky hands up and down his arms then around his sides and back repeatedly in frenzied motions. Getting to work had been an extremely taxing process – he’d struggled the entire way, and it wasn’t just due to the wintry weather. What if people knew? What if Spongebob said something? What if he wanted more? What if he thought Squidward enjoyed it? WELL HE’D RECTIFY THAT ONE! Because he DIDN’T! And he could look Spongebob straight in the eye and TELL HIM THAT WITH UTMOST SINCERITY! (Hopefully.) It was fine. He’d be fine. It would all be fine. Nobody else knew. It had just been a mistake and would never happen again – he’d make sure of it. Spongebob probably hadn’t even noticed the noises Squidward had made, so there was nothing to be ashamed of! IT WAS FINE.

The worn-down mess of a cashier crept to his station cautiously after forcing himself to enter the double doors, wringing his hands while his eyes darted to and fro. The Krusty Krab was quiet and still. No customers were around yet… Mr. Krabs was in his office… Where was Spongebob?

His question was soon answered by a yawn that caused him to jump.

“Ohh boy…” Speak of the devil – Spongebob toddled along on his way to the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes. He didn’t look as terrible as Squidward did, but he certainly wasn’t at his best. He seemed tired, but otherwise okay. All… Cutely bundled up like that in his snow gear. With his gloves and his hat and his scarf and his coat and his booties… “Morning, Squiddy,” he said, offering him a sleepy smile as he passed. The other was thrown off-guard when Spongebob walked right past him. Without a single mention of the party. What the HELL?! Newly enraged, Squidward called after him.

“SPONGEBOB!” He snapped. The blond pivoted on his heel a few steps away from the kitchen door, blinking.

“Wha huh?” Whoa, Squidward was mad already? What had he done?! Squidward faltered under Spongebob’s inquisitive stare that penetrated his very soul. He took a harsh inhale to steel himself.

“LAST NIGHT…”

“Ohhh! Yeah, some party, huh?” Spongebob nodded with a soft chuckle. That was probably why Squidward looked so rough – he must’ve had a LOT of fun! He was so glad. “I’m just tired ‘cause I kinda drank too much and stayed up a lil’ too late… But it was a good time, right? Were you there when we played Christmas Mad Libs? And then Christmas charades? And then ‘dress a person up as a Christmas tree?’ And then Christmas carol-oke? That was lots of fun, hehe.”

“WHA—No, I—!” Why was he being so casual?! Did he just not care about what had happened?! How could he even think to act this way?! “No, I meant earlier—“

“Ohh, earlier? Umm…” Spongebob’s brow furrowed contemplatively. “Like… Earlier as in… When we marathoned Christmas movies? Oh man, I wanna watch more tonight! I need to see Elf again!”

“NO! Earlier than that, you dunderhead!” Jeez, how long had they partied for?! “Right after dinner or—or whatever!” Squidward noticed Spongebob’s expression turn into that of bewilderment and his blood ran cold.

“… Right after dinner? Ummm…” The Krusty Krab’s star frycook scratched at his head, thinking as hard as he could. “Gee, Squidward, I… I think I remember Sandy gave me a drink during dinner… And then… Uh, I dunno. I think I got tired and took a nap and when I woke up a little later, the real party began! Let me tell you, she makes some killer baybreezes. And the best part is I don’t even have a hangover because Larry helped me keep myself hydrated!” How much Spongebob had imbibed was anyone’s guess – though it likely wasn’t much after he woke up from his nap. He only really drank at parties every now and again, so it was pretty easy to bring out the Party Sponge and put the Anxious Host Sponge to rest.

Squidward gawked in stunned silence. He’d… No way. No way. He’d… Forgotten? Spongebob had entirely forgotten about their encounter?! How… HOW DARE HE?! THIS ASSHOLE HAD THE GALL TO WALTZ IN, KISS HIM SO HARD HE QUESTIONED REALITY, LEAVE, FALL ASLEEP SOMEWHERE, AND FORGET WHAT HAD EVEN HAPPENED?! “Y-yuh… You… You…” Concern crossed Spongebob’s face as Squidward began to twitch.

“… Uh… Squiddy? Why are you twitching like that?”

“Yuh—you—y-y—I—gghh— AAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!” Squidward voiced his frustrations once again, yanking at his unruly hair. Spongebob flinched and, with a squeak, instinctively raised his arms to shield himself. Before he could inquire any further, the other stormed off with long strides, seething. Right out of the Krusty Krab and into the mounds of snow that blanketed Bikini Bottom.

“I CANNOT BELIEVE HIM!” Squidward shouted at a nearby snowman, who did not reply. “WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?! HE—WE—I— DIDN’T IT MEAN SOMETHING TO HIM?!” Cheeks blazing, he covered his mouth with a gloved hand.

Had he really just said that? He just got done insisting it didn’t MATTER what it meant to Spongebob! And it… AND IT DIDN’T! It was just that..! It was downright INSULTING! So Spongebob kisses the guy he likes and FORGETS?! Who would forget about something like that?! Even if the guy he likes hates him, the guy he likes is still super beautiful and fabulous and NOBODY should be able to forget the sizzling experience he’d gift to them! It was a PRESENT, all right! (Oh, don’t be full of yourself, Squidward.) All of that – all of that moaning and biting and licking and grabbing – ALL FOR WHAT?! FOR NOTHING?! HE’D HAD TO ENDURE THAT HELL FOR – FOR NOTHING?! HE HAD TO BE TORTURED BY IT AND SPONGEBOB COULD JUST GO ALONG WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD?!

It was true that Spongebob had forgotten – that part of the night was completely blanked out for him. He was under the impression he drank too much and passed out… Which was precisely the case give or take a few details, and it probably wasn’t the greatest idea to drink more after that, but hey. While he was clueless, their other friends weren’t. Oh no, they most certainly knew. They didn’t tell Spongebob for a specific reason – they really did not want him having a meltdown because they knew what he’d done hadn’t caused any lasting damage, and… It was fun to watch Squidward squirm. Especially in situations like this. So, if asked, they’d all pretend they had no idea either and just enjoy the show. It was a shame, though. Spongebob had his first kiss with the man he loved… And had no recollection of it.

Squidward spent a few minutes kicking at snow while yelling incoherently and snorting like an angry seahorse. Powdery crystals of ice sprayed in every direction during his rampage. The snowman sat there, a motionless observer. It was FINE! He didn’t care! Why would he care?! GOOD! This was GREAT, actually! He didn’t want Spongebob to remember! Because that meant he could just throw the memory away without issue! Without being reminded of it or pestered about it! He could pretend it never happened just like he wanted! He didn’t have to suffer – he could just ignore it, no problem! “Stupid Spongebob! Moron! IDIOT! BARNACLEHEAD!” He was only angry because he’d been subjected to torment and it had all been for naught! It was so RUDE! That guy was a real piece of work! “’I’ve been lookin’ all over for you, Squiddy!’” He mimicked bitterly, still stomping around. The darkened water overhead easily paralleled his mood. “YEAH, WELL, YOU’D BETTER NOT ‘LOOK FOR ME’ AGAIN! EVER! I WON’T ALLOW IT!” He never, EVER wanted more! He never wanted to feel the rushing warmth created by affectionate touches, or breathy sighs against his lips, or hair tickling at his jaw, or arms wound tightly around him, or…

He finally stopped and released a distressed wail, burying his face into his hands. HE WAS SO LONELY! He’d been single for such a long time! Far too long, really, and – wait a second…

It suddenly dawned on him that the only reason he sort of maybe (DIDN’T) enjoy that kiss was because… He was just so deprived of physical contact. Squidward didn’t want it to be Spongebob, he wanted it to be someone else… But Neptune hated him too much to grant him that. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to kiss someone… The reminder was painful. Maybe he should try finding a date again? That way, he wouldn’t have to feel so weird about this kiss with Spongebob, because he knew he was just lonesome and unused to such interactions! Yes… That was it! While it was horrifying to think he’d sunk so low and become so desperate he would even slightly savor any sort of contact with his neighbor, it made some sense given his current relationship status. He sank to his knees, reassured, a hand over his pounding heart.

“Oh, thank Neptune…” Squidward sniffled while rubbing at his face, some tension lifting from his stiff shoulders. “M-maybe I’m not so crazy after all… Just—just pathetically desperate. I… B-but I never want to experience that with him again! I’ll try to – to find someone. And then the joke will be on HIM! HA! He’ll still be a single loser and I won’t be!”

Desperate indeed, Squidward. That’s precisely why you’d been haunted by sexual fantasies of Spongebob masturbating when you found his collection of adult items some months ago. Desperation. That had been repressed, though, as this too might be. At the time, he’d been unyielding in his assertion that there was no way he was needy enough to daydream about Spongebob and the fact that he had was only due to his discovery forcing the repulsive imagery upon him. Now, he was relieved by the fact that he had ‘only liked it because he was lonely and needy.’ An interesting development, to be sure.

He’d run out of steam – it was time to go back inside. Eased by his realization, he would put all of this behind him and forget about it just like Spongebob did. The snowman, having grown tired of Squidward’s antics, turned and slid away, leaving him. A scoff sounded. “Puh. Some help he was. Snowmen are always so flaky.” He paused, and was then unable to prevent himself from snickering at his fortuitous pun. “Heh. Flaky. Snowmen, hahah. Oh, Squiddy, you are a true genius. You may be a deplorable pile of garbage, but you’re a damn genius.”

Spongebob watched his friend return through the kitchen window, his head resting in his arms which were propped up on the sill. To his astonishment, Squidward seemed to be in a much better mood now – his shoulders were no longer up to his ears and there was a swagger in his step. “Maybe he just needed to vent,” the blond mused, having seen his tantrum outside. What about last night could have possibly invoked such wrath? It was hard to tell just why he was upset sometimes, because what he said wasn’t always the truth. Even if there was obviously more to the story, it didn’t mean Spongebob would be able to figure it all out. It was distressing because all he wanted was Squidward’s happiness… He just had to keep trying his best to provide him with love and care.

“Spongebob.” He was wrenched back into reality by Squidward marching right over, placing his hands either side of Spongebob’s elbows, and leaning down just slightly with a triumphant smirk on his face. The other jerked back a little.

“Ah—?”

“You know that I hate you, right?” Squidward asked in a voice as sweet as honey – a tone that didn’t match his words in the least.

“Uh… Oh, uhm… Yeah?” Spongebob managed, feeling just slightly intimidated by such a direct approach paired with – well, you know. Hearing ‘I hate you’ wasn’t always that pleasant.

“And you know I’m not interested in ever doing anything of any sort with you, right?” Squidward had to be careful with what he said – he didn’t want to mistakenly lead Spongebob to believe something happened last night that he’d forgotten about.

“Uh huh?” Spongebob squirmed in discomfort. Satisfied, Squidward turned around to man his post.

“Good. I just wanted to remind you.” Ahhh, there! All better! Now that was cleared up! All he had left to do was destroy the memory. Spongebob sighed and padded back to his station as well. Squidward had been in such a good mood last night, too… He wondered if something happened. He had tried to make that party perfect, but perhaps he’d screwed up somehow. He sure hoped not. Either way, Squidward seemed okay now..? So it was likely best to leave it be.

The rest of the day went by without incident. Patrick swung by the Krusty Krab to invite Spongebob to go sledding with him to which he happily agreed – at the end of their shift, he donned his stupidly cute winter outfit and waved to Squidward before leaving. Ignoring him, Squidward headed home to relax and revitalize. That would henceforth be the motto: ignore Spongebob. Over the next couple of days, his attempt to do so was actually going decently well – he kept himself distracted, paying no attention to Spongebob and trying not to think about the thing until one afternoon when Sadie Asbury and Jennifer Millie walked into the Krusty Krab…

The pair entered holding hands, and they initially didn’t quite approach the counter – they stood back, studying the menu. “What did you want, sweetie?” Sadie asked. Squidward’s gaze flickered upwards from his magazine – they were huddled awfully close… It was cold, but…

“I don’t know, babe… I kind of wanted to try something different today…” Squidward’s brows rose steadily. Since when were they dating? That was news. He was a total sucker for gossip, so he paid attention to these things just in case something juicy was going on. Still, it wasn’t all that fascinating until a few moments later when Jennifer took Sadie’s face in her hands, giggling.

“Heehee! Do you know how red your cheeks are? It’s so cute!”

“Wha—hey, it was cold out! I’m trying to decide, c’mon!” Despite her protests, Sadie laughed in kind. Squidward couldn’t help but watch as Jennifer leaned in and kissed both of Sadie’s red cheeks, her nose, and then her lips. It was a brief gesture of endearment, but it caused Squidward to twitch and blush all the same. A sigh from behind him took him by surprise.

“Awww…” Spongebob, who had come to deliver an order, was looking on from the window with a dreamy expression, his cheek smushed into his palm. “How cute… So she did end up asking her out! Gosh, I’m so happy for them…”

“GAH!” Squidward’s cry attracted attention from not only Spongebob, but the women in question. “Spongebob what—“ He whipped around and, after taking one glance at his coworker, made a strange choking noise that stopped his sentence in its tracks. He had been avoiding looking at Spongebob for more than very brief periods for days now. In failing that, and making eye-contact to boot, he was instantly reminded of the thing.

For some reason, the sight of him just – something about – was his tie looser than normal? His hair seemed shinier too… And was that shirt tighter and more form-fitting than the others he owned? Was he hallucinating or—? Holy shrimp, was that cologne? Or was that his soap? Or maybe it was his natural aroma?! Why did it smell so AMBROSIAL now?! It wasn’t like Squidward never actually noticed the way he smelled; it had just become so oddly prominent since the thing! And WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A SECOND. HOLD ON A MINUTE. Glasses?! Since when did… Glasses—! DORKY, GEEKY, thick, black square frames that illuminated the stunning blue of his irises. That was—they were—he knew they existed, but Spongebob rarely wore them to work! He used his contacts more often than not! But wow, they looked really… Maybe he should wear them more often… The guy wasn’t doing anything but standing there, and yet—!

What Squidward is seeing: “Oh, I’m sorry, Squidward, I was just so distracted~… Did you need something~..?” Sparkles float about the kitchen while sexy jazz music plays in the background. Spongebob has cutely knocked his glasses askew with the hand that was pressed to his cheek. His spatula dangles daintily from the hand brought to his chest. He bats his long eyelashes as he speaks in an airy and teasing manner. His smile is demure, but there is a veiled playfulness that flickers within his cerulean depths. Half of his shirt is unbuttoned his tie is undone for no explicable reason.

What is actually happening: “Um, Squidward? Is everything alright?” Spongebob asks, concerned and terribly perplexed. He stands up straight, tilting his head just slightly as he waits for an answer. His shirt is of normal tightness and his tie is correctly drawn to his neck. Nothing is out of the ordinary. He is not about to start dropping patties ‘accidentally’ in order to flaunt his rear whilst picking them up or anything of the sort. He is simply standing there.

Poseidon help him, Spongebob’s lips looked so soft… The worst part was that Squidward now knew they actually were. Try as he might to bleach his brain, the knowledge remained. So pink and full… Slightly parted… Given a slight sheen from the lights… Just begging for a ki—

And at that point he’d had about enough. Squidward clasped his hands over his mouth with a look of sheer mortification. He’d gone a nice rich shade of crimson. With no hesitation, he leapt over the side of the cashier’s boat and ran for the bathroom. By some miracle, it was empty. He stumbled over to the sink and used it for support, wheezing, a tremble surging through his body. “C-c-calm down Squiddy, calm— calm— pull yourself together—“ He splashed cold water on his face to combat the scorching heat. “What am I THINKING?!” What method of sorcery was this?! What spell had Spongebob cast upon him?! Perhaps it was how utterly bewitching his gaze could be? Or maybe… “NO. Stop – enough.” He took the deepest possible breath he could to cease the downward spiral of his tumultuous thoughts. It was alright. All that happened was that he saw a couple kissing and there was NO need to freak out. The incident was still fresh so naturally, he’d be reminded of it. Everything was cool. He wasn’t thinking weird things about Spongebob and if he were, he didn’t mean it – his brain was just… Mixed up! He’d be okay. Easy. Deep breaths.

He felt weak… Oh, and FISHPASTE, he’d made a huge scene! He could hardly believe how badly this whole thing was fucking him up. He really had lost it and he could only wonder how he’d managed to sink lower than he ever imagined possible. Inevitably, Spongebob had been overcome by worry for his best friend, and his dramatic entrance of calling out the other’s name created another kerfluffle and poor Squidward ended up on the floor. “SQUIDWARD?! OH MY STARS AND GARTERS, ARE YOU SICK OR SOMETHING?! WHAT’S WRONG!?” Spongebob knelt down beside him and gripped his shoulders, panic-stricken. Rather than answering, Squidward merely dropped his head and panted, struggling to regulate his system. “Squid—guh—I’m—what…” Spongebob stuttered a few times, but in seeing he was getting no responses, instead forced himself to do the same to reduce the sky-high tension in the room.

The pair soon quieted themselves, and after a few moments of silent recalibrating, Squidward smacked Spongebob’s hands away and stood up, blinking away the unbidden tears in his eyes. “Don’t touch me,” he growled. “I’m fine. It’s none of your business. Leave me ALONE. I just have… A bit of a fever or something, and it’s making me feel weird. It’ll pass, and I DON’T need you mollycoddling me over a silly little flu. And if you dare say one word, Spongebob, so help me. Do. Not.” Gods above, HE needed a drink. A lot of them, actually. Or maybe he didn’t, since he was already fucking horrendously delusional. He half-wondered if he really did have the flu or if someone was secretly spiking his food or something. Gee, this all felt REALLY familiar for some reason… Though he wasn’t looking at Spongebob, he could hear tiny sniffles, but he was too furious and baffled by it all to care. Of course he was crying. What a shock. … Oh well. At least humiliating himself in front of customers was nothing new… And at least Spongebob was listening for once.

Squidward turned to leave, hoping the customers would shrug off what they’d just witnessed, but to his ever-present luck, he was met with their boss.

“Hold it RIGHT there, Mister Squidward! WHAT is goin’ on with you boys?! Yer leavin’ the customers by themselves out there! What’s all this fuss? Why’s Spongebob cryin’ on the floor? Why’d yeh go scarin’ me customers, Squidward? What is the problem here?!” The burly blue-clad man stood with arms crossed and foot a-tappin’. Eugene was none too happy – their antics were interfering with the flow of money! If only it weren’t so expensive to hire extra employees for when his first mates went AWOL…

“There is no PROBLEM, Mr. Krabs.” Squidward forcefully pushed past him, hands balled into fists at his sides. He refused to look at anyone, instead choosing a nice spot on the floor to stare at, wishing his cheeks would stop burning. “I think I’ve come down with the flu. That’s all. I was feeling a bit faint. I’m fine now.”

“The flu?! OH no, no employee of mine is gonna be contaminatin’ the food, the money, or the customers! Get yer hindquarters OUTTA HERE, Mister Squidward!” Eugene instructed, pointing to the front doors. He didn’t have to tell Squidward twice, that was for sure. In all honesty, he knew that it wasn’t a flu that had his employee all ruffled… But he’d begrudgingly allow it to run its course rather than say anything about it. If it was stirring things this much, maybe it would lead the two closer to an answer for their relationship. Maybe they’d finally get together and stop wasting so much damn time on this song and dance – then they’d make him more money since they wouldn’t have to keep disrupting things with it!

Squidward was slightly surprised by his boss’s allowance, but wasted no time in taking flight. Any and all stares and whispers were disregarded as he trudged right out of the restaurant to his boat while trying not to cry, his boots crunching loudly in the snow. It was fine. He hadn’t just made a complete imbecile of himself. No, no, NO. Time to go home. Time to take the week off and sleep the entire time.

Still sitting on the bathroom floor, Spongebob shuddered in distress – why wasn’t he allowed to help? Was Squidward really sick or was it something else? This was scary! He sniveled. Eugene helped him up and offered him a handkerchief. “Don’t worry about it, lad. It isn’t really that serious. He’ll be alright; he just needs some time to ‘imself. Try lettin’ him come to yeh when he’s ready, okay? It ain’t personal – he just ain’t feelin’ well and you know how that goes.” Krabs rolled his eyes. How crabby Squidward could become was astounding at times. His opinion was that the guy needed a good smack or five to set him straight, but he doubted it would work.

“Bu—bu—is he… D-do you know what’s going on..?” Spongebob wiped at his face with the handkerchief, still giving quiet hiccups and shaky sighs. Squidward ignoring him wasn’t all that shocking, but today’s reaction was so strange, and combined with the day after the party… He just couldn’t figure it out. He wanted to know!

“Well, I haven’t heard of any flus goin’ around, but with this blasted weather, I don’t doubt it,” Eugene said, glancing over at Spongebob. There was a pause when green met blue.

“… Are you sure?” Spongebob asked in a muffled voice from behind the handkerchief that he’d pressed over his nose and mouth, his watery eyes trained intently on the other. Eugene opened his mouth to respond, but at first, nothing came. He could tell… Spongebob knew. The boy was fully aware that it wasn’t a flu that was plaguing Squidward. He wasn’t stupid – okay, well, at times he could be, but he could also be very insightful and incisive. In that moment, Eugene wanted to tell him – he felt bad for him, and just… Oh, what a fine mess this was. Telling the truth would only worsen things; while it would explain Squidward’s moodiness, Spongebob would just be so utterly destroyed knowing he’d done that and even more wounded by the reaction it got and it just… It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth breaking the poor thing with anxiety because it really wasn’t that big of a deal. If Squidward told him, that would be handled accordingly, but the chances of that were slim to none. Squidward could take care of himself. His hissy fit would fizzle out soon. And maybe, just maybe, he’d learn a damn thing or two from it. This whole ‘not-so-secretly in love with Squidward’ situation would eventually hit a turning point… It was certainly ramping up. He hoped that it would wind up being beneficial for Spongebob. If only he could persuade him to chase anyone other than Squidward! Ah, but attempts at that had failed so far, and would continue to fail so long as Spongebob held out hope that there was a prospect of being with him.

Exhaling, Eugene reached out and gave Spongebob’s shoulder a solid squeeze, compassion gracing his features. “… No. I’m not sure, Spongebob. It could be anything. But, whatever it is, just let it be. It’ll pass.” Clearly, Spongebob wasn’t happy with this answer. He clutched the kerchief as he lowered it, his lip wibbling again.

“But—“

“No.” Eugene pressed a finger to his lips to shush him straightaway. “No, Spongebob.” A whine. “No. I know yer worried, but you need to stop. Go read a book or watch TV or whatever it is that you kids do. Just go clear yer head and stop tryin’ to fix something that doesn’t need to be fixed! Let him do it on his own.” Spongebob tried to protest no further. He only wilted – that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but… Maybe Mr. Krabs was right. Maybe it was just something he had to let go of. It was hard because he was afraid he’d done something wrong, but… Squidward probably wasn’t going to tell him, so there was nothing he could do no matter what.

“… Aye aye, sir…”

“Good boy! Now off with yeh, go make me some money! And it’s Christmastime y’know – go look at lights or go ornament shoppin’ after work! Do something fun, treat yerself! Forget about that old stick-in-the-mud!” Eugene guffawed then, thumping his employee on the back so hard it knocked him off-balance.

“Wah! Uh—I…” With the force of the gesture, his glasses were knocked slightly down the bridge of his nose – after adjusting them, he chewed on his lip thoughtfully. Well… That did sound pretty fun… He did love going around the city to see all the lights! As long as he bundled up, he could window shop and maybe buy some presents for people! “I… Yeah. Okay, yeah, you’re right! I will!” A resolute nod. He just had to put his mind to something else – he could go see the FAKE SANTA! Those were like the real Santa, except they were just his helpers and they were all over the world! They looked similar to him but you knew it was a helper if he was working at someplace like a mall. The real Santa only had time to visit peoples’ houses on Christmas Eve, after all! He gasped. “MR. KRABS! Did the helper Santa set his workshop up at the mall yet?!” Eugene watched in relief as life and enthusiasm returned to Spongebob.

“Err, I dunno. I think so! You should go check later! Just finish rakin’ in the dough for today first. And if yeh see Pearlie when yer there… Please tell ‘er to stop spendin’ all me money!” He groaned at the mere thought of it. She had her own job and she was STILL using his money! Little bloodsucker… Took after her father, she did. He was proud, but his wallet sure wasn’t. Spongebob gave a little laugh.

“Will do, sir! I’M READY! ORDER UUUUUUUP!” He cheered, jogging back to his post to turn those customers’ frowns UPSIDE-DOWN! The thought of talking to Santa (or in this case, Santa’s assistant) was totally revving him up! He couldn’t WAIT! He was grateful to have Mr. Krabs to lean on for advice. He was feeling better already!

“I can’t believe this. I can’t. What was I doing earlier? Why was—was his shirt really unbutto—OF COURSE IT WASN’T, YOU ABSOLUTE KELP-FOR-BRAINS! What is the MATTER with me?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! I’VE DONE NOTHING WRONG! I don’t deserve this! This agony, this woe – it’s ENTIRELY unjustified! I have been nothing but a compassionate and kind person, and THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?! Thoughts of—of SPONGEBOB OF ALL PEOPLE?! And not only that, but having to endure a KISS from him!? I’VE GOT A REAL BONE TO PICK WITH YOU, KING NEPTUNE! His—he—it’s HIS fault for wearing those GLASSES and for being so IMPROPER as to UNDO HIS SHIRT AND TIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORKDAY! POLISH HIS SHOES, WHY I NEVER! AND THEN HE FORGETS! WHAT AN ASSHOLE! I HATE HIM SO DAMN MUCH! I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM! HE DOES NOTHING BUT CAUSE ME ANGUISH! HE’S SO FUCKING INFURIATING AND RUDE AND IGNORANT AND IMBECILIC AND DISMISSIVE OF FEELINGS AND DISRESPECTFUL OF BOUNDARIES AND CLINGY AND PUSHY AND ATTENTION-HUNGRY AND SELFISH AND EGOTISTICAL AND PRESUMPTUOUS AND FUCK!! FUCK HIM! I DESPISE EVERY FIBER OF HIS BEING! SOMEONE LIKE HIM DOESN’T DESERVE ME! I’M TOO GOOD FOR HIM! I SHOULD HAVE ONLY THE BEST! HE’S NOTHING BUT A BOTTOMFEEDER AND HE ISN’T EVEN WORTHY OF BREATHING THE SAME WATER AS I DO! HOW DARE HE MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY?! HOW DARE HE RESORT TO UNDERHANDED TRICKERY TO MAKE ME—TO MAKE ME FEEL—AND SORT OF THINK HE’S—AGH! NO! Don’t fall for it, Squiddy! He’s not—it’s FINE! IT’S SO FUCKING FINE THAT I’M GOING TO FUCKING, JUST, FORGET ABOUT IT! IT HONESTLY NEVER EVEN HAPPENED AND I CAN JUST GO ON HATING HIM LIKE USUAL! I WON’T NEED TO DISGRACE MYSELF IN FRONT OF OTHERS BECAUSE I WON’T HAVE ANY WEIRD ASS THOUGHTS! LOOK, I’LL EVEN PROVE IT RIGHT NOW—“

Squidward was ranting and raving at the top of his lungs, doing anything to try to expel this unspeakable sickness that poisoned his body and mind. He was storming about his house, throwing anything unbreakable he could find. Upon making his eighteenth lap around his home, he circled back to his television whilst evading fallen objects, plopped his ass right down on the couch, and in some crazy, desperate attempt to prove that this wasn’t at all affecting him, turned on a romance movie. In order to calm his blistering blood, he panted harshly, bubbles forming each time his chest heaved. His teal tresses were completely ruffled and wild from him running about and pulling at them. He was so unkempt and out-of-sorts and it was so damn hot he was this close to running outside and faceplanting in the snow. … In all honesty, that was actually a good idea.

The beginning of the movie was mild enough that Squidward was able to ease his ragged breaths and fall into a stoic stillness. The main characters met one another and blah blah blah falling in love blah wacky antics blah blah. It was when they started getting closer that he became nervous. It was okay. Just two characters realizing their feelings for each other and going out on a date. Nothing wild or crazy here. “T… Take it easy, Squiddy old boy… Perhaps doing this today wasn’t the best idea…” He was still jittery from earlier. Soon, the time for the first kiss came, and he held his breath – here it was. The moment of truth. Carmine eyes were glued to the television as the pair embraced, running their hands over one another’s bodies, crooning affectionately in each other’s ears… The main character first kissed up their partner’s neck, then along their jawline to their chin… Their lips met, and Squidward swallowed thickly. It was a sensual, romantic kiss. It didn’t last for too long, and when they pulled back, they smiled, laughed, and held each other tight. This one was definitely more intimate than what he’d seen at the Krusty Krab.

His gaze gradually lowered after the scene ended. Trying his best to prevent himself from blushing, he stared down at his lap, hands clenched into fists. He breathed a puff of water. Unfortunately, his efforts to stop the heat were wasted – he reddened significantly as he processed the scene. Breathe… Calm… Breathe…

…

His kiss with Spongebob had been more of the needy, frenzied and passionate kind rather than the slow and sensual… What would it be like if..?

Naturally, Squidward began to shriek at the notion. This was becoming such a frequent occurrence that it was a wonder Neptune didn’t hear him all the way from Atlantis.

WHAT WAS THAT THOUGHT JUST NOW?! He’d FAILED! He’d utterly and wholly FAILED! Such a simple test – FAILED! WHY WAS IT SO DIFFICULT TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THE DAMN KISS?! WHY HAD HE JUST IMAGINED ANOTHER?! He had TOTALLY just envisioned what it would be like to have that sort of serene and languid kiss with Spongebob! Oh, NEPTUNE! He’d legitimately imagined HIMSELF… Holding Spongebob tight… Running his hand down his back to rest just above his tailbone… While Spongebob’s hands roam aimlessly around his torso in turn… And Spongebob smiles and giggles softly against his lips between kisses… Then Spongebob moves to kiss lazily at his jaw and neck, and then nuzzles his collarbone…

This ended in him flopping onto his side in defeat and merely bawling into his hands. This was too much. It was EXCRUCIATING. He hated this – hated every second of it – hated the person causing it, hated that he couldn’t stop these invasive thoughts, hated that he was so weak, hated that he’d stooped so low, hated that his mind had apparently deteriorated altogether, hated the sick part of himself that seemed to like it, hated the fact that he was single and craved affection, hated the fact that he couldn’t fucking control himself in any capacity and repeatedly made an utter buffoon of himself in public, hated the nightmarish visions his mind conjured up, hated the fact that Spongebob had dared kiss him in the first place… He needed to call his therapist. Pronto. She’d know what to do. Maybe she could hypnotize him into forgetting? She likely didn’t have any specialization in that, but it was worth a shot to ask…

Squidward’s overdramatic and excessively volatile reactions to the subject of Spongebob would seem outlandish to anyone. They were unnecessary and unreasonable. They were undeserved and unfair to Spongebob. They were unhealthy for the both of them. Yes, Spongebob could be incredibly annoying, and disliking him was one thing – savage hostility and resentment that was expressed so consistently, even sans provocation, was another. While there was no excuse for his behavior, there was a reason.

An obvious reason would be how persistent Spongebob was – not only could his personality be entirely grating, but he also didn’t always know when to quit. He could be sort of oblivious and had trouble distinguishing boundaries. If someone was already cross with him and he kept on pestering them, it would only cause more issues. He had improved over the years, but he still had work to do in that area.

There was a deeper reason than that, however.

Ironically, Spongebob reminded Squidward of himself; everything he’d been taught to hate within himself. While perhaps difficult to believe, it was the truth – he had once been similar to Spongebob. He had once been unashamed in feeling and expressing enthusiasm and exuberance. While he did still hold passion for things, he forced himself to taper a lot of his excitement.

His mentor had been Squilliam Fancyson III. They’d dated back in college, and Squilliam refused to be seen with Squidward if he acted in what was considered an ‘embarrassing and uncool’ manner. No longer was he allowed to jump for joy – instead, he had to construct a pretentious and ‘adultlike’ persona. He could not enjoy things that were deemed as childish or lowbrow. He was not allowed to do ‘cringeworthy and immature’ things such as talk loudly with excitement over something, hop about in delight, or act in any way that wasn’t cool, collected and sophisticated. If he did anything of the sort, he’d be reprimanded. He had to be an adult, and adults didn’t show such emotions.

Spongebob proudly flaunted everything Squidward had been forced to conceal. Spongebob was permitted to be juvenile and carefree and jubilant and passionate and energetic and…

Squidward resented it. It roused a lot of negative feelings within him that were extremely hard to deal with, and thusly presented as anger, reinforced by the ingrained adult façade. At the same time, however, he secretly found it refreshing and endearing and… He longed to feel that way again. To break down these harmful ideals and to stop hiding his emotions. To stop hurting people. To be happy again. To live again. Maybe being a kid, a goofball, a wingnut, and a Knucklehead McSpazatron wasn’t all that bad.

Spongebob Squarepants was a good person. He was sweet, kind and caring. He always did his best to help others and prioritized them over himself. He strove to make people smile and brighten up their days. He was talented, entertaining and driven. While naïve and exasperating, he was still lovable – he had flaws, just like anyone else. Underneath it all, Squidward knew that he cared for his neighbor a great deal and was truly grateful for his generosity and devotion… And he really was so sorry for being such a despicable asshole to him. A friend who wasn’t a friend. A loser who didn’t deserve anything he was given. He kept repeating the same mistakes and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to make up for it. He hated Spongebob, but he loved him too.

That being said, that was all… Mostly… On a platonic level. Going any further than that reactivated his defenses and suppressed those feelings – though to be fair, they were usually suppressed regardless. Romantic was a step too close and it would turn his entire world and everything he knew upside down. Liking him in a platonic way was hard enough to accept – how could he even ATTEMPT to think about anything else? Squidward had denial on top of his denial and it was bundled up in rage and depression. Spongebob was annoyingly immature and he hated him, and those were the facts. He’d never been interested in him and never would be, and those were the facts. He’d always just see him as a moronic coworker and neighbor that he perhaps inwardly appreciated, and those were the facts. It had been this way for many years and it wouldn’t change, especially not from some stupid kiss.

There was no possible way he could feel something like that for someone he despised so much! It made absolutely zero sense. Imagining a relationship with him was nauseating – why would he ever want to spend time with him or touch him or share a bed with him or go on dates with him or ANY of that garbage? If others wanted to, whatever. While he questioned their tastes, it was neither here nor there. As for HIMSELF? Oh no, absolutely NOT. Spongebob’s desires be damned – it wasn’t going to happen. Ever. Not in this lifetime, not in the next lifetime, not in the one after that. Never. He would surely get over his little crush and move on when someone else came along – it wasn’t worth it to make himself queasy by contemplating the notion.

Squidward cried for a good hour, overwhelmed, confused and consumed by the ravenous maw of self-pity. He couldn’t handle this; he wasn’t ready. There were too many things to face… Not only did he have to work through and decipher his feelings with Spongebob, but also his feelings with himself and his past. It was all tangled up in a forebodingly gargantuan, gnarled knot that he had to try to dismantle. There was no sense in getting into it… Spongebob had forgotten about this kiss and he sure as HELL would not be reminding him, ever, at all. It was best to just bury this and never address anything. That way, so long as Spongebob never brought anything up, they could all continue on their merry ways and everything would stay the same and he’d never be required to face that knot.  

The television, left unattended, pulsed with a soft glow, giving off restful background noise. The unintelligible chatter drowned out his heavy-hearted sniffles and sobs – only the blowing of his nose rose above it. By the time he’d exhausted himself, used tissues littered the area and the blanket he’d gotten drooped off of the couch and pooled on the floor near his feet. Everything hurt. The box of chocolate was now empty. He pushed himself up and staggered over to the front door. White flurries greeted him when he opened it, clinging to his shirt as they pleased. He could barely see due to how swollen his eyes had become, but he figured the snow looked deep enough…

He promptly allowed himself to fall facefirst into the pristine drifts.

While Squidward locked himself up at home to brood, Spongebob preoccupied himself by going shopping and seeing Santa after work. This continued for the next couple of days. Staying inside didn’t seem to hold a lot of relief for Squidward – while at least he didn’t have to suffer through going to the Krusty Krab and seeing Spongebob, it was just… Nothing helped. He was miserable for so many reasons. Not even his fuzzy bathrobe, chocolates and foreign dramas were working! Numerous things were tried, but not a single one assuaged him. He eventually decided that he should go outside and get the flow of some fresh currents, even if it was just for a short while…

It was flurrying. Flakes fell gingerly from above, enveloping the vast expanse of the seafloor in a soft silence. Such a silence was almost resounding. The currents rustled some leaves of kelp every so often and animals hid away in their homes. There was a satisfying heaviness in the water. The scenery was truly picturesque and it was… Soothing. Things were still and tranquil… He got a little lost in staring at all of the glowing lights strung on nearby houses. Since he had first made sure Spongebob wasn’t home before he ventured outside, he knew he was safe. He wanted to… Go into town though, maybe. Go shopping. A shopping trip would do him some good, yeah? He could look at art supplies and new clarinets… Yes. Shopping it was. He’d treat himself. Lord knew he needed it. He spent a little while cleaning off his boat and taking in his surroundings. As Squidward slid into the driver’s seat, he prayed he wouldn’t encounter too many lovey-dovey couples lest his fragile mind shatter more than it already had.

The city was hustling and bustling as per usual. Everyone was bundled up, head to toe, to shield themselves from the cold weather. Many folks were struggling under the weight of gifts, hailing taxies for their endless bags of presents. Others seemed to prefer window shopping, and were significantly less burdened. The streets and sidewalks were slushy and wet from snow, and salt crunched beneath many a passerby’s shoe. Christmas decorations were everywhere – lights and garland were hung on numerous buildings and trees, café signs had little gingerbread men and snowflakes drawn on them, and holiday music floated out between the opening and closing of store doors. Squidward headed straight for the music store – perusing the instruments would cheer him right up! It always did! The little bell on the door chimed as he walked in, and the shopkeeper greeted him from behind the counter. “Heyyyy! Zere he is! Squidward, où étais-tu passé, mon ami? It has been three weeks, I was getting worried!” A tired and crooked smile was Squidward’s response.

“Sorry. I’ve been terribly busy – you know how it is,” he said in a low voice, ambling over to one of the display cases, hands in his coat pockets. He’d known Julien for a long time now – he frequented the art and music stores in the area and had familiarized himself with the workers there. He enjoyed their company whenever he went, as they all had good taste and provided interesting conversation.

“Oh, oui, je sais. Ze holidays are always so hectic – it is difficult to get anything done! I am telling you, it is—AH! Squidward – you look terrible! Oh la vache de mer, have you been doing alright?!”

Squidward blinked – did he really look that rough? Yikes, how embarrassing… He’d better cover up some more. He pulled his scarf up to his nose, but not before daring a peek at his reflection in the glass of the case. “… Oh,” he unwittingly said aloud. Yes, yep. Uh huh. Mmhmm. He had absolutely left the house without taking much a look at himself and without making himself even remotely presentable enough for being in public. Why, again? Luckily, his hat covered his wild hair, but his face was an entirely different story. His cheeks seemed more sunken than usual. His nose was red from not only the cold, but very plainly from blowing it so much with how the blotchy color formed around his nostrils. His eyes were the true offender; they were bloodshot as could be and puffy to HELL and back with the skin around the corners being quite irritated. He honestly looked as if he’d been punched more than once. There was a pause as he inwardly panicked, searching for an excuse for his woebegone countenance, before he found an easy one: “… I’m, ah, sick.” Smooth. Nice. It was the easiest and yet the most believable coverup in the book, and it lined up with what he’d told Mr. Krabs! … Not that Julien would know that, but still.

“Zhen why are you out of bed?!” Julien chided, placing his hands on his hips. “You should not be wandering about, exposing yourself to Neptune knows what else! You need rest, not clarinet reeds!”

“I-it looks worse than it actually is, I promise!” Squidward held up his hands defensively. “Listen, I’m fine. I took some medicine and I’ve been in bed for days.” Both statements were actually true. “I’m finally feeling a little better and wanted to go out for a bit.” A lie; more like he wasn’t feeling better and was trying to by going out. Julien scrutinized him skeptically.

“… Hmph. So stubborn, you are. Just remember to look after yourself. Dans ce cas-là, while you are here, were you looking for something in particular?” Whew. Safe. Squidward cleared his scratchy throat.

“Not really… I might buy another instrument soon, though…” Maybe he should try something new. He’d never give up his clarinet, of course, but he wanted to try some other instruments too.

“Oh, oui? Do you know what kind you would like to try?”

“It might be time to get myself something in the piano family. I won’t buy it today – I’ll come back later in the week.” An early Christmas present? Yeah, his mood was improving already! He’d learn how to properly play the piano, and it would be FANTASTIC.

“OH~! MAGNIFIQUE~! Ici, ici! I will show you what I have!” Chirping in delight, Julien pranced over to his customer and tugged him along to eagerly show him the displays.

Meanwhile…

“… And Mr. Krabs wants another pony with saddlebags full of money. I know he got that last year, but he says he wants another. Okay, next, Sandy wants a HP Proliant ML350 G9 server – the uhh, one with Intel Xeon E5-2640 v3 Octa-core 2.60 GHz 16GB DDR4 SDRAM. Whew. That was a mouthful. Okay. Ah, Pearl wants front-row tickets to a Boys Who Cry concert with backstage passes. Larry wants a new—“

“Kid, could ya hurry it up a little? I hate to rush you, but there’s a line.”

Upon being interrupted, Spongebob looked up from his list to a slightly exasperated Santa. “Huh?” He turned his head a little to scan the amount of people waiting to see good ol’ Kris Kringle. “Oh, oops! I’m sorry! I’ll go for today! I made sure everyone already sent their letters to Santa, but I like telling you too, just in case. You got all that, right?”

“Yes, son,” Santa sighed, “I got all of it.”

“Great!! Thank you so much!” Spongebob hopped out of Santa’s lap, pleased with what he’d gotten done. Going through the entire list took a little while, so he’d been visiting the mall every day to see him! He still had gifts to buy too, oh… He really had to get on that! He hustled out of the mall, deciding he wanted to go check out the pet store first and window shop along the way. It was still snowing, but it had slowed down a bit. Something about the twinkling lights made his chest ache longingly.

He began his journey, strolling leisurely with his hands stuffed into his pockets and his eyes trained on every storefront he passed. “Maybe I should drop by one of the music stores in a while to see what I can get Squiddy this year…” Speaking of, he sure hoped he was okay… If not, he’d just have to cheer him up with the Best Christmas Present Ever™! “Ooh~!” Some attractive sweaters in a store window gave him pause, and he halted his trip to admire them. Once done, he resumed his walk, only to repeat the process as he made his way down.

Squidward, on the other hand, had left the music shop to go elsewhere. While pleased with his newfound knowledge of pianos, he now found himself surrounded with the thing he most wanted to avoid…

Love.

The streets were crawling with couples. Advertisements oozed romance and love of all kinds – after all, the holidays emphasized spending time with loved ones. He could visit his mother all he wanted – it was the ads with the kissing and the cuddling and the proposing that bothered him. Not to mention the mistletoe hanging all around – oh Neptune, he was getting flashbacks! He was beginning to grow flustered – his mood worsened with each display of affection he passed. Damnit, there went his progress. He’d anticipated this, but it still felt shitty… He just had to make it to the arts and crafts store. It wasn’t too far away now. He could do this – focus, Squidward! Eyes straight ahead! Think of the doilies! THINK OF YOUR DOILY COLLECTION, SQUIDWARD!

It would soon be apparent that this was the wrong time for a romp in the city.

Up ahead, he spotted someone positively glued to a store window, which at first, he didn’t think much of. They were bouncing on their heels with their hands and face pressed against the glass, making noises of delight and—wait a minute… That outfit sure did look familiar… The colorful teal, yellow and white wool hat, complete with pompom and earflaps… The matching striped scarf that had fringes at the end… The black peacoat that flared out a bit at the waist and went down to midthigh… The maroon leggings and the black snow boots with the straps on the sides… Squidward stopped dead in his tracks, which caused the person behind him to run into him.

“’Ey, buddy! Watch where yer goin’, will ya?” The stranger sneered as he shoved past him. Squidward didn’t have time to retort – he was too busy staring at the figure in front of the toy store. He couldn’t quite see their face as it was smushed against the window. It couldn’t be… Surely not—no, there were certainly others who owned an outfit as such! Still, though – and – oh no. Were those… Blond wisps of hair poking out from under his hat? Without realizing it, he had walked closer, and when the person pulled back enough that he could see their profile, the beating of his heart ceased.

As if that blue couldn’t get any brighter – his eyes were sparkling with wonder and amazement over the humongous tree cleverly adorned with toys in the store’s display. That smile was going to split his damn face in two one of these days. His cheeks were warm with joy, and his long nose nearly touched the glass that was fogged by his visible puffs of breath… To his credit, he had every right to be in awe – that tree was stunning.

Almost as stunning as the person standing before it.

When Spongebob began to pull away from the store, Squidward realized it was more than time to make himself scarce. He frantically ducked into a nearby alleyway, managing to get out of line of sight moments before the other waltzed on past. He watched him leave, probably looking like a total fucking creep as he was peering around the corner of the alleyway to do so, and all he could think about was… Just… Spongebob. Why was it always Spongebob?!

Shopping spree = bad idea. Very bad idea. Back to the house it was.

By the time he got there, Squidward had gone numb. His brain had utterly shut down in exhaustion from the multitude of intense emotions. The lights were left off when he entered his home. He grabbed his Teddy from the couch and brought him upstairs – curiously enough, he’d been clinging to that thing more often as of late… One could only wonder why – it certainly had nothing to do with the fact that it was a gift from Spongebob. It was just a stuffed animal, and stuffed animals were comforting. Right?

After undressing, Squidward lay in bed with Teddy close to his chest, staring at the ceiling vacantly. He could feel no emotion – that could potentially be considered a perk of full mental shutdown.

Spongebob was… Something else. He really was.

He didn’t know what to make of this. He didn’t understand his feelings, he didn’t know what sort of potion he’d drank to cause this, he didn’t know why Spongebob had a crush on him, he didn’t know why everything was throwing him for such a loop, he didn’t know… Anything, really.

Time for sleep. Before long, he’d recover from this, and hopefully forget about it. Spongebob would no longer have to worry about him, and things would go back to normal. With luck, Squidward would bury and forget about this incident. He’d forget he ever felt weird things for Spongebob fucking Squarepants and continue on hating him. Never again would they find themselves under mistletoe while Spongebob was drunk. Squidward would not have to face his inner demons.

… He was going to skip next week’s Very First Christmas™ party. Just to be safe.

[iheartsurveys]

94

What’s your favorite cereal? None I hate cereal Is there a bus stop near your house? The grade school bus stop is around the corner but otherwise, no Do you prefer red wine or white wine? White, though I do love me some red moscato. But I definitely drink more of a variety of white What’s the last airport you were at? Why were you there? Dulles, dropping off my stepdad's mom and boyfriend like the helpful little gal I am Who do you live with? Mom and stepdad and the pets Do you read reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like? Nah not regularly. Every once in a while if I google something and it takes me to Reddit I'll read that but I don't go out of my way to read it Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend? No What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside? It snowed about an inch this morning and then it was chilly the rest of the day. I went out to scrape off the car but had to bundle since the high was like 20 something. Then on Friday its going to be in the 60s....oh Virginia weather. Oh global warming. Do you know anyone who’s had a baby recently? Stepsister had baby #3 a few days ago Have you used a pen or pencil today? What did you write down? No What does your last text message say and who is from? Nite, from my mother, one room away from me. She had to vent real quick lol Can you count how many times you’ve seen your favourite film? Not an extreme amount for it being my favorite movie. Maybe 4 or 5? When was the last time you ate marshmallows? I never eat them on their own. Probably had a smore sometime over the summer Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them? Nah not really. Sophomore of college my roomie and I got into nightvale but then we kinda fell off the wagon. How old will you be in the year 2030? 36...... Wow. 2030 sounds like a while away so I won't get too worried just yet. But also damn. Does your skin bruise easily? Do you have any bruises right now? What from? Yes anytime I accidentally bang into things I'll get a bruise. Or if the dogs stand on me which Daisy loves to do because she has no concept of personal space and just sits/stands in my lap. And she's not even small like she's a decently sized lab. Dogs are funny. Buuuut I don't have any currently actually, at least not that I know of What was the last thing you spent $150 or more on? Loans woo Do you prefer yes or no questions or more open-ended questions? Open-ended, for surveys at least What brand of toilet paper do you usually buy? My parents buy Scott and have forever but when I lived by campus I think I bought charmin If I knocked on your door right now, would you be acceptable dressed? Not wearing pants so no, not a good look for answering the door to a stranger, or anyone at all really lol Why did you leave your last job? At first I was just going to do it in the summer but then I tried to maintain it while doing my last year of college and I only lasted about 2 months until I decided I couldn't do both and school/having time to study/just time to myself was more important than a job that was just to fill the time/make some extra money What colour were the last socks you wore? Blue green and pink Are you studying currently? What level of education and what do you study? Just graduated, I have a BS in criminology Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? No What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud? The text from my mom What’s your favourite scent of air freshener? I use candles more than I use air fresheners... I buy my candles based off the seasons/what I like at bath and body. I like fruity/floral scents but like not too too sweet. Like I'll never buy sugar cookie or anything like that How many weddings have you ever been to? At least 4... I haven't been to a wedding in like 10 years. I have a bunch of older cousins so that's where most came from. Oh jk 5 my mom got remarried duh Do you know anyone named Nora? No Are your hands and feet in good condition or could you do with a mani-pedi? Definitely could use a pedi though I hate going to the nail salon. And my nails could be repainted When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? Christmas Eve we played scrabble How old were you when you first became sexually active? 18 Have you ever been to a festival for beer or other type of alcohol? Yessss I've been to a cider fest which was awesome. And then another festival that had a mix of beer cider and wine Do you own a record player and/or vinyls? Nooo I wanted a record player for Christmas but then I rethought it because I don't really have room for it currently, so maybe some day when I have my own place/feel like spending money on that When was the last time you went out for drinks? Like two weeks ago Have you ever been to a strip club? No Do you know anyone with a ‘virtue name’? I know a Faith and a Grace Would you ever wear real authentic leather? I have a leather purse from Italy so yes Have you taken out the trash today? No How often do you wear make-up? I don't really have a schedule for wearing makeup. I'll wear it if I'm going out or doing something fun with friends where I know we'll take pictures. And I'll wear it to work. But a lot of times at home I don't, even if we go out to dinner or run errands or something I don't. And yet my skin is still kinda meh, go figure What’s your opinion on The Simpsons? Never really watched it Do you prefer horizontal or vertical stripes? Horizontal Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce? Yes If you had the money, would you take taxis everywhere instead of driving? Nope I like to drive tbh Have you ever done a juice cleanse? Nah not for me Do you have any friends who you can’t decide if they’re attractive or not? Omg what a weird and kinda mean thing to think about friends...wondering if they're attractive or not like wtf who does that. No Is the inside of your fridge clean right now or does it need a clean out? It could probably use a clean out When was the last time you washed the dishes? Earlier today Are there any magazines that you read on a regular basis? We just started getting hgtv magazine which comes monthly so that Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in? No What’s the first thing you tend to do when you have a headache? I swear I never get regular headaches anymore they're almost always migraines. I take medicine daily for migraines but I also have medicine to take when I get one because Advil/excedrin doesn't do shit for me Tell me about your responsibilities at work. Ask me laterrrrr Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you? We live a little ways off a main road, sometimes if people drive like assholes and speed or if an ambulance goes by on the main road you can hear it here. We're in a cul-de-sac so there's no real traffic on our road, but what is annoying is the guy diagonally across the street has a motorcycle and its loud and obnoxious Have you ever had proper Canadian poutine with the squeaky cheese? I have not. I've even been to Canada but we didn't get poutine Do your parents know how to operate smartphones and/or computers? They're decent. They definitely ask me for assistance with things How old are your parents, anyway? Both 51. And my stepdad is like 49 I wanna say Are you allergic to anything? What do you have to do to prevent them? Allergies. I'll take an Allegra or something if they're really bad but I mainly just deal What song is stuck in your head at the moment? This is mildly embarrassing...So you know the episode of spongebob where he has the pet jellyfish that likes to dance and then the speakers get fucked up after some things happen so all the jellyfish are pissed and then Gary starts hitting his eyeballs together and then they make a song out of random sounds? That song of random sounds is stuck in my head lolololllll. Since today was snowy and blah I napped and my fav thing to nap to is spongebob and that episode was on and yeah. It's stuck in my head What’s your boss’ first name? Do you call him/her by that name? My work has different divisions and teams and I'm not sure yet what specific team I'll be on so tbd When was the last time you wore a uniform of any kind? What colour was it? When I worked at a restaurant early in college we wore black shirts jeans and black shoes. Or a red shirt if I was hosting Did you complete a survey before taking this one? Will you take one after? No and no Have you ever lost enough weight to drop a dress size? Maybe? Idk I don't wear a lot of dresses. I've dropped pant sizes so maybe I'm not sure What’s your favourite kind of bread? Every kind I love bread When was the last time you got pizza? What toppings did you get? We had pizza a few days ago, just cheese Do you own Monopoly? Is it the original or a special version? I don't actually What was the last thing you said out loud? Goodnight You have to choose one: cats or dogs? Dogs How do you travel to and from work? I'll be driving Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why? Card because I don't carry cash unless I got some for a holiday. Or sometimes I'll take out a 20 for when I go out Have you ever been to a stadium concert? Yes, the last two times I saw one direction were at stadiums. And I've seen a bunch of other artists at indoor arena/stadium things like Ed Sheeran, fall out boy, backstreet boys, etc

[remembermemorablememories]

Friday, January 4, 2019

post #361

main points:

- udon for lunch + scrubs S2E1

- started reading “crossing the chasm”/critique jwoos resume

- briefly look at NYC apts again

- play some fortnite team rumble

- dinner with the fam

- chatting with parents about chinese travel advisory and other things

- take sheena out for ice cream (10pm ish)

- watch incredibles 2 until 1:15am

today i:

- woke up around 10:30am. then snoozed in bed for a bit and finally got up around 11am. i took a long shower since no one was home

- made some udon for lunch around 12pm and watched scrubs S2E1. it was cool to see the gang get back together. but also i feel like the ending to S1 finale was kind of like... ?? where did that come from why is cox’s ex-wife doing that

- started reading crossing the chasm, the book cici got me for christmas. it was interesting, i read like the first 20 pages on different types of technological consumers and the distribution of them. i got a message from jwoos asking if i could critique his resume so i spent like 30 minutes looking it over and doing some small nitpicks

- started looking at some NYC apt listings again and found two good ones near midtown that look dope. sheena got back from school around 4:30pm and then she went to go take a nap cause she was tired

- i decided to play some fortnite team rumble from 5-6:30 ish. i like that it’s just a simple elimination thing with respawn. it makes me less worried about dying. in one game i got 13 kills :D 

my dad made some tofu skin and beef. and some veggies and leftover pork from yesterday. sheena was still sleeping upstairs so we just ate dinner with the 3 of us. i asked mom and dad about the china travel advisory since dimitri and i were gonna go and were a bit worried. my dad said there’s no risk but my mom said there is still some risk and we should be precautious. they told me some more about the context of things (with huawei’s thing in canada). then we talked a bit about trump. my mom had gone to one of his talks way back in 2004 and she told me about it

my dad went to the bathroom for a while so my mom talked to me about how her work is going with the presentations and stuff. and then a bit about where she hopes i’ll be able to go in my career or at least what’s possible

- then i went upstairs around 9pm and checked in on sheena. she was crying/seemed sad. she said she wasn’t sure why :/ she came downstairs to eat dinner and i was hanging out with her. mom came down for a bit to talk to her to see if she was okay. sheena needed to go to the bathroom but dad was still in the bathroom downstairs so sheena went upstairs and stayed there for a while. she came out of the bathroom and back downstairs. we sort of talked to her for a bit, just asking how things are going. i offered to take her to coldstone for ice cream and that seemed to cheer up her mood :D

i waited for her to finish eating dinner and then we went to coldstone. but when we got there, the line was too long... so we yelped around for ice cream desserts and went to friendly’s instead. so many things closed in the suburbs around 10~10:30pm. fortunately friendly’s was open until 11pm. we got a waffle sundae with cookies n cream and took it home and ate it. it was decent :P while we were in the car to and from, i told sheena about AP comp sci cause she seems to want to learn more general things and how to actually think as opposed to just memorizing answers to regurgitate on an exam/forget a week afterwards. AP physics is also a good problem solving class but she doesn’t wanna do physics. so maybe APCS for problem solving

we drove home and ate the ice cream, hanging out with dad at the kitchen table (he was playing pool on his phone)

- then we watched incredibles 2! i rented it on amazon and we watched it from 11-1am. (spoilers coming up). i think the movie was okay. from the start i thought that the bad guy was going to be the brother AND the sister. but it was actually just the sister which makes sense in the grand scheme of things. maybe these storylines are getting too predictable? idk, it was still a fun and nice movie to watch but i wonder if i’m getting too old for this

- went upstairs, chilled for a bit. sheena showed me a 20 minute video by cody ko reviewing a cringy love story video. i thought the video was cringy but i also don’t know how i feel about the whole roasting-other-people-on-youtube-for-views :p 

then i went to sleep around 2am

the end

[purplesurveys]

1230

When was the last time you felt like “getting into someone’s pants”?  Way back last year.

What is your favorite energy drink, if you have a favorite at all?  I find energy drinks nasty.

Would you have kids with the last person you kissed?  That wouldn’t be possible even in the literal sense.

Do you know someone who threatens to kill themselves?  Before.

Would you ever completely dye your hair the color green?  Yes, but I would opt for a darker shade rather than a bright or neon one.

Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship before?  I have not. Thinking about it, I’m pretty low-maintenance so I could probably handle it if I ever find myself in that situation, as long as I’m invested enough in the relationship and my partner.

What is your favorite food to eat around Christmas?  I like anything my family prepares really, but I definitely go for lumpia first if I see a whole container of it.

Do the people in your town speak like rednecks?  No and I’m not sure if we have an equivalent for that here.

When was the last time you cried happy tears?  Like a week ago when the Permission to Dance video came out. The ending when everyone was taking off their masks and smiling was really heartwarming.

How liberal are you?  Enough to make most of my relatives uncomfortable.

Would you mind living near large predatory animals?  Yes. I’ve lived in gated villages all my life so it will take a lot of getting used to.

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness?  I don’t think so. The ‘worst’ I’ve experienced is just feeling pressure in my ears and having weakened hearing whenever we drive up mountains; it takes a while before mine do the popping thing and I get my normal hearing back.

What’s your biggest priority right now?  To be consistent at improving at my job and making fewer mistakes as I go. I shared this with my boss recently and she told me not to worry too much as I’m doing better than I think I am and that the mistakes I beat myself about have actually been small and fixable ones, but the perfectionist/workaholic in me just refuses to be reassured lol.

If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself?  The last time this happened, public wi-fi was still mostly a myth so I had to contend with A LOT of forced napping just to make the time pass by. I didn’t have a phone either, so my experience was extremely dull and boring.

Are your hands unsteady?  They’re not surgeon-level stable but I think they’re fine for the most part.

Do you listen to a lot of mainstream music?  I used to until I got into BTS. I haven’t really listened to any other artist since getting into them back in April lol.

Do you think you’re pretty?  Some days.

Have you ever added someone you don’t know on Facebook?  Yeah, a few work contacts like bloggers whose names I recognized but have never talked to/engaged with.

Do you have dirty pictures in your phone?  Nope.

Have you ever looked up porn on the internet?  Yes. I have my on-and-off phases when it comes to porn though and these days I don’t watch a lot of it.

Would you ever shoot someone right in the face? In a case of self-defense where I was clearly trying to be killed, that's right where I would aim. But otherwise, of course I wouldn't. < Sounds about right. But holy shit that sounds like it would look so gross.

Have you ever sold drugs?  I’ve never been around drugs ever.

Did you ever try cutting yourself?  It was a coping mechanism many, many moons ago.

Who’s the last guy you texted?  It was a - surprise surprise - delivery guy who needed directions again to my house.

Who do you know that wears the most make up?  I’m not sure, but then again most people I know don’t really put on makeup these days because lol Covid and stay-at-home orders??

Do any of your friends have kids?  None of my friends do but I know several acquaintances and people from high school who’ve already given birth.

Have you ever been tied up?  Yeah.

How many times have you been cussed out?  Nearly everyday as a teenager.

Are you anyone’s first love?  I think?

Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?  Nope.

Do you have more than one personality?  Nope.

Do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones? Psychological ones for sure, but I don’t mind gore as well as long as it’s fun to watch and that it’s not too corny.

Do you have a favorite YouTuber or do you not watch much YouTube?  I haven’t watched a lot of YouTubers these days, but very recently I’ve been gravitating towards soothing vloggers like Anna Park and Mejiwoo. Their vlogs are greeeeaaaaat and I’m excited to discover similar creators so I can watch more videos that carry the same vibe.

Are you a good dancer?  I dance only when alone or when drunk. That said, I’m no good at all.

If you could find one long-lost friend of the past, who would it be?  Continued from yesterday. It’d be nice to reconnect with Raegan for like a day, just to catch up. Then again I’ve since been able to track her down on social media, so it’s nice to be able to see how she’s doing, at least from afar.

Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman? The teacher-in-charge of my section was a woman. They didn’t really appoint guy teachers to be TICs until recently.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled?  Yeah, but it had been a decayed tooth at that point that really needed to be pulled since it technically didn’t have a purpose anymore.

Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower? Hair. 

Have you ever been to a nursing home?  I don’t think so.

Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into?  Fortunately, no. My mom’s childhood home was robbed though, and their grand piano ended up being stolen :( To this day they have no clue how the thieves were able to pull it off without making too big of a fuss.

Is there someone in your life you don’t want in it?  I don’t think I dislike anyone that much at the moment.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?  Three. Two of them because they died, and the other one is my dad for the times we had to drive him to the airport though I only cried over it only as a kid. 

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?  Andi.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you?  Yes.

Pretending to “never get the text” from someone who annoys you. Is that you?  Not really. I reply, just not quickly enough.

If your ex came up to you and asked you to take them back, what would you say?  Honest to god I would probably be smug about it, and ask what led to the sudden change of mind. I’m doing too okay now to entertain the request though, so idk if I would agree to it or not because I’ve worked pretty hard to get here.

Do you prefer boys to shave down there? I wouldn’t know; I’ve never been with a guy before so I haven’t really had a chance to establish a preference.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? Nothing.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows?  I have my moods. I prefer my cooking shows on YouTube, though.

Do you worry about gaining weight?  No.

Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche or worth watching?  Yeah the acting was so fucking cheesy the first 5 minutes the only thing left for me to do was gag. What’s one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in?  They don’t really organize stuff here, or if they do I never join them to begin with.

Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses' names?  Nope. I know my sister doesn’t want to get married + I don’t speak to my brother, so I dunno if I’ll ever have any in-laws tbh.

Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out?  Well obviously I crave it these days, so it actually feels nice when everyone in the family has errands to run on the same day.

Did you lose friends when you started dating someone?  I lost Sofie, but I also blame college life for that loss.

Did you leave milk and cookies for Santa when you were little?  No.

To who did you last give the finger to?  I haven’t had to flip someone off in a while. I’m guessing just some stupid driver.

Do you talk in your sleep?  Nope. At least I have never been informed that I do.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?  It’s civil enough for the house to stay quiet most days, but it’s nothing excellent.

Have you ever been a featured member on any website?  I don’t think so.

Do you feel that your previous relationships were a waste of time?  Yes.

Do you prefer hot chocolate with or without marshmallows?  Without. I HAAAAAATE marshmallows.

Which do you like better: Regular cakes or cookie cakes?  I never got the point of cookie cakes tbh lol.

Have you ever been hit by the opposite sex?  No.

If your significant other cheated on you, would you take them back?  I know I definitely have the capacity to be dumb enough to do this, but it would also depend on how invested I am in the person.

What was the last song you listened to?  I'm currently listening to a slowed down version of Jungkook’s cover of Biebs’ 2U. 4 AM things.

What do you look for most in a friendship?  I’ve answered this question on a previous survey, same with a few of the following questions.

[purplesurveys]

1041

survey by chasingghosts

What is the age gap between you and your parents? 27 for both. Technically, 26 years with my mom since she had yet to celebrate her birthday when she had me, but she was going to turn 27 all the same. Guh. I can’t believe I’m just five years away from that and I’m still nowhere near building my own family.

How many bathrooms does your house have? Is this enough? Two. I’d say it’s enough. Two people in the family rarely have to go to the bathroom at the same time so it works out for us.

Have you sent a letter to anyone in the past year? Yeah. I used to give Gabie a handwritten letter every Christmas along with her gifts. I still plan on writing her one, but obviously the content will be vastly different now.

Have you ever video chatted with someone you met online? I did this with Carley a handful of times; we’d video chat when I came home from school which was around the time she would get ready for school. She was such an extrovert who was so lovely and bubbly around me, and I’ve always felt bad that she had to contend with my shy ass with my mic always muted lol.

Are you hungry or thirsty right now? I’m neither but I can go for a light meal right now, which is great because I got myself a chicken barbecue sandwich and a caramel macchiato from Starbucks as a treat for myself tonight :) I went through five video call meetings just for today alone, went through several breakdowns while at work, and am also on my period, so I thought I deserved a break.

When was the last time you ate something, and what did you eat? Literally just had a bite from my sandwich.

Have you ever seen the film Boondock Saints? Nope. Sounds nothing like my type of film.

Do you own a pair of gumboots? Nah. I don’t like walking in floods anyway, so I don’t plan on getting a pair.

What colour is your favourite mug? Copper.

How far away from your town/city is your state's capital city? I already live in my province’s capital.

Have you ever worked somewhere where you had to clean the toilets? I haven’t.

Do you know anyone named Doug? No, not really a common name here.

What cut of jeans is your favourite and why? Do mom jeans count as a cut? I’ve been all over those throughout 2020. They’re stylish and yet so comfy, which are two words that seldom go together.

Do you rate people's attractiveness on a scale of 1-10? Uhhhhhhhh unless a friend asked me to rate someone they know, I don’t really think in these terms.

Name a few of your favourite actors. Kate freaking Winslet. Also Kristen Stewart, Emma Stone, Audrey Hepburn, Brie Larson, Florence Pugh, and Eddie Redmayne. I’d name Timothée Chalamet but I have yet to see a work of his.

Do you collect anything, or have you ever? The first item I ever collected was notebooks. In my past relationship (is it obvious I’m not over it yet and probably never will be? Ha) I initially liked to collect receipts from places we went to and ate at. I’d also like to be able to grow a collection of wrestling memorabilia, particularly action figures and belts. It’s not really a life goal of mine but it’d still be a cool thing to achieve.

So, how has your week been so far? I mean it’s only Monday, so nothing much. I cried and broke down a lot today which wasn’t a good start, but tomorrow’s a holiday so no work; and for Thursday I was invited to the Christmas party of the department I initially interned at and apparently they’ll be sending over a Christmas kit over to my place so I’m looking forward to these! It’s super touching they remembered and still invited me even though I’m not a part of the team anymore, so I wouldn’t have missed the party for the world.

Is there anything that you could cry about right now? Definitely, and being on my period at the moment makes it so much easier to cry. But I already cried too much and too hard earlier today and it felt exhausting, so I’m trying to avoid it tonight.

How old were you when you learned how to tie your shoelaces? I was five. I probably would’ve made myself learn later but one of our ‘exams’ in kindergarten was to show that you know how to tie your shoelaces, so I had to ask my grandma to give me a crash course.

Have you ever slept in a car overnight? Why did you have to? Yeah. I had to pull several all-nighters in college and work at 24/7 coffee shops, but I usually gave up by around 2-3 AM and would sleep in the car by then.

When was the last time you used Facebook? Earlier this evening, but I couldn’t scroll too much because spoilers for Start Up are everyyyyyyfuckingwhere and I’m still several episodes away from the finale, which aired last night.

Do you have a PO Box or does your mail get sent straight to your house? Our mails and parcels get sent straight to our door.

Are you interested in entomology? Do you know what that is? Never been. I think it’s great that insects have a lot of capabilities and contributions that we often take for granted; but I personally find a great deal of them icky as well lol so I wouldn’t say I’m interested in this branch.

Have you ever had to claim insurance? What for? Hmm I don’t think so. Not my own nor my parents’. Do you like to listen to albums start-finish without skipping or shuffling? I’ll do this sometimes with my favorite albums, yes. Fuck knows how many times I listened to After Laughter from start to finish with no skips; it was my favorite for a while.

Do you have any unspoken enemies, or maybe frenemies? I’m not the biggest fan of Patrice, but it’s not something I broadcast to people because why would I? I’m sure she slightly does not like me too, so we’re even.

What was the last thing you broke? That would be my last phone charger cord. I’ve since had it replaced though.

Do you have a favourite state/province/territory in your country? Not necessarily an overall favorite but I do have a favorite place I’ve traveled to, which is Sagada. I need a second vacation to see if it still lives up to my expectations and if it would still be able to give me an experience as cathartic and therapeutic as my first trip there, but for the last five years it has sat on the throne.

How many vowels are in your street name? Is this question too mundane? Three. I mean I’ve never been asked this on a survey before, so I wouldn’t call it that.

What are your three top favourite flavours of ice cream? Cookies and cream, chocolate chip cookie dough, coffee.

How far away is the nearest Target? At least a couple thousand miles away.

Do you prefer Target, Kmart or Walmart? Idk and idc.

Have you ever farted in class or somewhere else you shouldn't have? No. I suppress my farts, even when I’m alone haha it’s just my least favorite bodily function.

What's your middle name? Would you change it? I’m not giving it away. I wouldn’t change it and I’m definitely not giving it up even if I get married. I’m keeping my middle name then just hyphenate my surname so that I get to keep all three names.

When was the last tie you wore heels? What was the occasion? September. Job interview for a position I didn’t really want but still chose to undergo because it was still an interview.

Do you find yourself lost for words often? I guess yeah, depression does tend to do that to me.

Did you share baths with your siblings/cousins when you were a child? Yep, I remember sharing the shower with my sister as late as when I was 10. Then puberty happened to me and I did not want to continue the practice anymore, haha.

Have you ever been a member of an online dating site? How did it go? I joined Tinder while I was in a relationship (she made an account as well at the time so it was fair game) literally just to people-watch. I wasn’t interested in cheating; I was just genuinely curious to see how the app worked. I put on a fake name, age, location and my profile photo was of a cat I saw in school so it was impossible to tell it was me.

Do you know what your neighbours even look like? I would not be able to recognize them if you lined them up with a bunch of other strangers, to tell you the truth. I’d probably be able to recognize the carpenters working on the house currently being constructed in front of ours though; they’re super nice and they’re crazy over Cooper haha.

How many siblings does your best friend have? Angela is an only child.

Do you put ketchup on your fries? No. Ketchup does not go anywhere near my fries.

Have you been lucky enough to make out with anyone in the past week? LOL lucky enough...but no, I haven’t done that in a while.

Have your parents ever worked in the agriculture business etc. on a farm? Neither have.

Do you have an ex that makes you angry with literally everything they do? No.

Are you easily susceptible to brain freeze? No but tooth sensitivity, yes. I have a certain tooth that acts up whenever I eat ice cream, and it can get soooo inconvenient and uncomfortable for a few seconds.

[iheartsurveys]

103

1. What would you consider your favorite holiday? Why is this? Christmas. Fam & food & gift exchanging. And it's magical when it snows. And I love putting up decorations for Christmas 2. When did you last fight with your significant other? Singleeee 3. Do you do any special workouts to stay in shape? We have a treadmill and stationary bike, I mainly use those. I wanna get a membership for just classes at the gym near our house but I'm waiting until I have an income 4. If you’re a girl, do you have big hips? Too big? I do. I could be a little thinner in the thigh area which makes my hips look a little smaller. But I just also kinda naturally have them, like I'll never be Kendall Jenner skinny 5. Do people tend to call you by any certain nicknames? My mom has a bunch of random ones, dad too sometimes 6. When was the last time you had alcohol? What kind? I had some wine and then a vodka cran or two last weekend 7. When was the last time you talked to your father? The other day 8. What are the last four numbers of your phone number? Hm no 9. Is there anything/one you’re losing faith in right now? Yes. Idk what's going on in my life work wise anymore now with this fucking federal hiring freeze (thx Donald I h8 u) and I had a new promising lead but then it didn't happen but I have a different interview next week and idk. I'm stressed and thinking about grad school and yeah my life is a mess, can't wait for the day I have my shit together 10. When is the next time you’ll eat chocolate candy? I just made peanut butter cookies with a Hershey kiss in the center tonight and I'll probs eat them tomorrow so technically then 11. Is there a day you’d just like to forget? Which one? Not really...maybe the day my grandma passed that was really hard 12. Are you someone who takes too many surveys? This is #103, you tell me lol. I don't do them every day and sometimes I'll only do one because I get tired but I like surveys, idk why 13. Girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? I can rock a long dress or a nice swing dress but forget about bodycon...I am not a fan of them on me. Big hips small boobs = Noooo. At least on me personally 14. Do you have a whiteboard in your room to remind you of things? I did in college but not anymore 15. When was the last time you used a Kleenex? Why? Maybe like 2 weeks ago, I was crying bc stress lol 16. Do you prefer surveys with long or short questions? I prefer longer ones 17. Have you ever taken a pottery class before? No 18. Do your parents treat you like you’re still a child? Nah not really 19. Who is your significant other and when did you meet? Still single 20. Do people talk to you out of the blue sometimes? My old BFF from middle school occasionally hits me up on social media 21. What was the last nightmare you had about? Anything odd? I know I had a nightmare recently because I remember waking up in the middle of the night but I can't remember what it was about. I had a dream about destiny's child and beyonce like the night before she announced she's pregnant which I think is kinda funny 22. Is your life basically based on deja vu? Or, not so much? I wouldn't say it's "based on" but I do experience deja vu sometimes 23. When was the last time someone dumped you? I've never been dumped, always ghosted. Idk which is worse lol probably getting ghosted honestly because you're left wondering like wtf one day everything's fine and then bye? Ugh boys are dumb 24. Can you recall your eighth birthday? What was the cake? No clue 25. Do you feel like you’re losing someone close right now? No 26. What color are the buttons on your remote? Mainly white but a few are other colors 27. What is the one stereotype people label you as most? Idk, a goody goody? 28. Can you count how many lovers you’ve had on one hand? Yeah 29. Do you like dark chocolate or white more? What about milk chocolate? Between the first two, white. But milk chocolate is my fave 30. Who makes you the most angry in your life right now? Idk it depends. Maybe my dad 31. How many times have you seen Star Wars? Be honest. Ummm, never? Lol is that weird. The fact that I haven't makes me think of how I met your mother when Marshall says "the only people who haven't seen Star Wars are in the movies, because they lived it Ted. They lived the Star Wars" 32. Can people normally tell your mood, by your facial expression? Sometimes 33. What was the last number you pushed on your phone? 3 34. Do you like flowers? What’s your favorite kind? Yessss I love sunflowers and daisies 35. How many grades have you failed in your life? 0 36. Do you own a car? Who provides your insurance if so? Yes. We have geico 37. What is your favorite show to watch on television? How to get away with murder just came back, I'm obsessed 38. What are the initials of your last ex/ bf or gf? A?S 39. Are you someone who can easily keep a secret? Yes 40. Do you understand algebra, or have you ever? I get the basics. I sucked at algebra 2 in high s hook 41. Do you or have you ever had a problem with going barefoot? No unless my feet are cold 42. What is one thing that tends to freak you out? Sometimes I think about how we live on a giant ball that's just chillin in fucking outer space going around a giant ball on fire that we need to survive and that there's so much to outer space we don't know about like isn't that insane? It freaks me out and puts life into perspective at the same time 43. Have you been swimming so far this year? How much? No because it's February and cold af out 44. Do you ever think you’re being cheated on? Still single 45. When was the last time you painted something? Few months ago