#idk but im saying it is becasue i said so

[forestshadow-wolf]

What if ghost had synesthesia. What of he wrote a love note to soap about it, to confess because he's a hopeless romantic

I always hated the color blue.

It was the color of my father's eyes, they used to flash an awful starkness when he was extra mad. It was the color that flared when he hit me.

It was the color of roba's eyes when he looked at me with stupid, creepy, devilish eyes.

It was the color of the sky when I died

It was always brigtest in Tommy's eyes when he was high out of his mind

It was the most beautiful color in my nephew's eyes before he died

Blue was always the color of pain and anguish. It never meant anything good. Blue always meant an ocean of hurt to drown in.

But then you came along.

You and your bastard blue eyes.

And I thought

I thought it mean that I hated you, that you would only hurt me. I hated you at first.

And then you tapped my shoulder and it was blue but it didn't hurt

And when you joked and laughed it makes blue bloom from your lips.

And when you made me try your stupid favorite sweet it was all blue

And your favorite shaved ice flavore was blue raspberry, and it made me taste blue in more ways than one.

My tongue was stained blue for the rest of the day. And for once I didn't mind the blue

And whenever I say you, or heard you, or anything about you, it was all blue. And I hated it at first. I kept expecting the wave of blue to crash over me, i imagined how it grew bigger and deeper and harsher with every blue you gave me.

But it never came.

It never came

And I got lax

And suddenly I was looking for blue instead of running from it

And slowly I started to love it

And maybe thay wave is still waiting to come down still

But I think maybe

Maybe if it's yours

I won't suffocate in it so bad

[uhohwhathaveidone]

The Little Things (S.S)

When did it become 4am? Idk. Ghost files was playing in the background so I blame Shane and Ryan for distracting me. 

No warnings for this, it’s all fluff. Maybe angst if you look super closely but jokes on you, I tricked you. Maybe a part two because I definitely didn’t finish it but it’s on a pretty good cliffhanger. I listened to Artic Monkeys for the three hours it took me to give you a 2.9k fic, dedication. Snap Out of It is playing rn, life is good. Anyway Hufflepuff gn reader again becasue i said so (im sorry that was mean) Good night

       Ominis sat on the couch in the common room of the Slytherin house, listening carefully to his friend Sebastian. Due to his own disability, Ominis had no idea what most people looked like, and he never really cared to ask. But he was becoming close friends with the new 5th year student, a Hufflepuff who somehow became integrated into the group. He found their voice calming and would laugh if they said something funny or a quip at Sebastian over something. He didn’t want to ask his new friend about their looks, he thought it would be weird, so instead he asked Sebastian. Sebastian had joked about it at first, saying that you had a face full of ugly scars and moles all over your face, but after he saw Ominis quirk an eyebrow and sigh in annoyance, he settled down and gathered his thoughts.

      He had the clearest image of you in his head, as if you were standing in front of him. He took a breath, “Well, you already know that they’re nice, of course. Their face matches their personality, I think. Their eyes are like jewels of the brightest colour, and their eyebrows really match their face? I don’t know how to explain it.” He went on, describing you to Ominis in as much detail as possible, not leaving out a single characteristic, down to how long your eyelashes were and how tall you were.

      “What else?” Ominis asked, smirking to himself as he listened to Sebastian blabber on. “What? You want to know more?” He asked, earning a nod from Ominis. Sebastian thought to earlier, when he glanced over at you during Herbology. Professor Garlick had been talking about a rather confusing subject, Sebastian wasn’t even quite sure what it was about, but he knew it had something to do with magical plants. In his own confusion, he had looked over at you to see if you were understanding any better, only to be met with your squinting eyes as you tried to make sense of the words. You had done this a lot whenever you were confused, and Sebastian secretly found it adorable, though he would never tell anyone. Sometimes, if you were really confused, he would watch your nose scrunch up as well and a small frown dawn on your lips. When the class had ended, you had trotted up to him and elbowed him in the side, sighing. “Ow! What was that for?” Sebastian had asked, pushing you to the side and away from him. You shrugged in response, letting out a dramatic sigh. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, knowing that you just wanted him to ask you what was wrong. “Ok, fine. What’s wrong?” He eventually asked, pulling onto your robe to make sure you didn’t get separated from each other. He watched as you tried to hide a smile, replying. “I didn’t understand a word she said. I felt rather dumb.” Sebastian nodded his head and brought a hand up to pat you on the head. “I could tell, you’re not very good at keeping a straight face. But I didn’t understand anything either, so I suppose that makes up two idiots together, yeah?” You snorted in response, shaking his hand off your head. “I’m still smarter than you, so don’t get any ideas.” Sebastian quipped a quick “yeah right” and walked along side you, thinking about how soft your hair had felt for a moment. He never understood that, how you managed to always have soft hair.

      Ominis only continued to smile as Sebastian talked about the faces you made and what had happened that day. “Do they make those faces when they fall asleep during our study time?” He asked. Sebastian hummed in response as he remembered how you fell asleep at the table the three of you were occupying in the library, your face pressed against a book as soft, slightly muffled snores left you. “Yeah, their nose twitches a bit.” You had been studying charms for a test the next day, and you had brought the book up close to read the small writing that was in the corner. You scrunched your nose up then, too. Sebastian had been too busy explaining a concept for a charm to see you lay the book down on the table once again and try to stifle a yawn. When he asked you a question and waited for your reply, he heard a soft noise. Looking over, you had laid your head down and used the book as a pillow, a hand brought up to your face to rest against your cheek. He watched for a moment, taking in the details of your sleeping form. He recounted the details to Ominis now, mentioning how your eyes had shifted a bit under your eyelids, and how you twitched randomly and caused hair to fall into your face.

      Ominis didn’t even have to speak anymore, Sebastian just kept talking.

      The next day, during breakfast, you seemingly appeared from nowhere next to Sebastian at the table, pushing your shoulder against his own to grab something to eat. It startled the boy half to death, and he was left stuttering out a string of not-so-strong words. “Listen, I know that Hufflepuffs are supposed to be loyal, but you have to warn someone before you just appear, yeah?” He breathed, smoothing down his robes. You only shook your head in response, a piece of toast quite literally hanging from your mouth as you tried to reach for some jam, which was just too far away for your fingers to reach. Sebastian smiled as he grabbed the jam you had been reaching for, showing it to you. “This what you’re after?” He asked, and you nodded in response. His smile widened as he looked you in the eye, and placed the jam father away. The toast dropped from your mouth as you gasped, eyes beginning to squint in annoyance. “Ominis, they’re squinting at me, I might just die.” Sebastian joked, flailing dramatically. You huffed as you got up to fetch it yourself, mumbling. “Typical Slytherin. Oh, you want this? Go get it ha ha.” Ominis heard this and choked on his juice. “What was that?” Sebastian asked, who didn’t quite catch what you had said due to his own laughter. You sat back down and began spreading the jam on your toast. “You’re acting like a dog. A puppy even. Childish, like a Slytherin.” You quipped, pointing the dull knife at him. You continued, “All bark but no bite. Like a Golden Retriever.” Sebastian pretended to be offended as he took a bite of his food, leaning over to Ominis. “If we’re talking about dogs, someone is a Pomeranian.” He said, pretending to whisper to Ominis. You heard this, and wacked him upside his head. “Am not.” You retorted, taking a bite of toast finally. Ominis, thanks to Sebastian describing you, maybe too much, was able to imagine the face you were making as you argued lightly about how you most certainly were not a Pomeranian, but never state what kind of dog you thought you were. “I think you’re just Sebastian’s emotional support dog,” Ominis stated, using his shoulder to push Sebastian away. You titled your head slightly, a confused hum voicing your thoughts. “Well,” Ominis continued, “Everyone just calls you his emotional support Hufflepuff, but it’s pretty much the same thing.” “Hey!”

       That night, Sebastian came back to the common room later than usual, but mumbling excitedly to himself as he beelined to Ominis. “You will not believe what I just witnessed.” He started, dropping into a chair next to his friend. Ominis turned to his direction, wondering just what Sebastian could have witnessed. “Y/n. I was looking for them because I grabbed their potions book on accident, which, not my fault.” Sebastian started. Ominis shook his head and smiled, motioning for Sebastian to continue. “Anyway, I found them by their common room, but they didn’t go in for some reason. They were just standing there, swaying kind of?” Ominis began to imagine you in a trance state, just swaying for no reason. Sudden worry fell onto his face. “Were they cursed?” He asked, earning a laugh from Sebastian. “I thought so at first, so I went over to see if everything was ok.” He paused, trying not to laugh as he thought back to what you were doing. He had walked up to you slowly, as if you would turn around and attack him if he went too fast. As he got closer, he could hear you mumbling lightly to yourself, but he couldn’t make out what you were saying. Surely you hadn’t gone crazy, swaying, and mumbling to a wall? He crept closer, wand ready just in case. As he found himself behind you, he peered over your shoulder. “They were swaying, to the moving cactus!” He laughed, clutching his sides. You were, in fact, dancing with the little cactus, entranced by its movement. Sebastian had let out a laugh when he realized what was going on, and caused you to jump backwards, right into him. He had caught you, still laughing as you looked up at him and scowled. “What are you laughing for?” You asked as you pushed yourself off of him and fixing your robes. Sebastian, nearly out of breath from laughing so hard, held his hand up to signal that he needed a moment. You crossed your arms and stared at him, a pouty frown forming on your lips. Sebastian saw this and had to take even more breaths. He mentioned this to Ominis, how you pouted at him. Ominis huffed in amusement, imagining what that must have looked like. Once Sebastian was able to catch his breath, he walked over to the cactus and pointed at it. “Dancing with a cactus?” You puffed your cheeks, not responding. He continued, “I don’t think it’s a good dance partner, it’s got the moves, but a bit prickly, don’t you think?” You kept your arms crossed, “Like you’re a better dance partner.” Sebastian scoffed at the thought of a cactus being better than him, but he still felt his cheeks heat up a bit. “Of course, I am.” He stopped at that, telling Ominis that he had clearly won that argument. Ominis shook his head as he got up, “Sebastian, you’re quite daft.” “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

         Ominis found it amusing to hear Sebastian talk about things, he always spoke in detail to give him a better picture, which also meant that he unintentionally spared hardly any details. Ominis had learned a long time ago how to identify what Sebastian was into by the way he described certain things. A bird would get the simple description, while something like the colour or texture of a potion he was making in class would be explained in depth. He noticed this while Sebastian talked about you. Although he knew Sebastian went into detail about what you looked like so he could get the best image possible, Sebastian would give unnecessary details, like if you had a leaf in your hair one day or how your eyes had a twinkle. Sebastian had paid such close attention to everything that you did, it was hard to think that he only saw you as a friend. Yet, Ominis could just feel the oblivious look on Sebastian’s face if it was ever brought up.

       It was some time the following week when Sebastian came across a moment of frustration. You had been a topic of conversation amongst fellow students. You always were. Yet, when some of the boys from his house came up to him and Ominis asking about you, Sebastian became defensive. He didn’t describe you to the boys like he described you to Ominis. This caused Ominis to smirk to himself as he listened in, noting the ting of jealousy in Sebastian’s voice. Once the group had left the two of them, Ominis dug his elbow into Sebastian’s side. “Ow! What are you on about, doing that?” Sebastian asked, holding his side. Ominis continued to try and poke Sebastian, mumbling. “You really like them; the big bad golden retriever Slytherin has a soft spot for the Hufflepuff.” He joked, of course, and he was unable to see the face Sebastian was making. But he knew just how flustered he got when he was unable to form a sentence to combat Ominis, his cheeks a bright red as he froze. Ominis had to explain to Sebastian what he meant, teasing him about how oblivious he was. “You talk a lot. Too much, sometimes. But you hardly spoke a word to them when they asked about y/n. You’re not too subtle, are you?”

      You walked in to see Ominis with a devious smile, his index finger still out and ready to poke Sebastian in his side. Sebastian, on the other hand, was frozen in place and red. It was quite a sight to see. You walked over and stood over the two boys. “What are you guys doing?” You asked, a smirk forming as you got a closer look at the scene the two of them had created. Sebastian looked up quickly and stared at you, much like a deer caught alone by a hunter. Ominis’ smile never left. “I was just teasing Sebastian. He’s been acting quite dumb and needed to be told.” Ominis got up and fixed his robes. “Well, I have places to go, so I’ll be seeing the two of you later for a study session for charms. No sleeping this time either.” And with that, he left.

      You took Ominis’ seat next to Sebastian, your smile growing larger as you watched him try to form some sort of sentence. “Have you been dumb, Sebastian?” You teased. Sebastian could only narrow his eyes at you. You continued to tease him, “Aw poor baby. Whatever shall we do?” Sebastian’s face got redder if that was even possible. You took notice of this and went to poke his cheek, the warmth almost burning you. Sebastian, still unable to form words, got up from his seat and turned his back and stood there. You took that as you hint to get up as well, and followed him out to the hall. You kept walking beside him, but were unable to see that he slowed down and walked behind you. When you finally noticed, he had run into your back, burying his head between your shoulders and moving to wrap his arms around you. You felt your cheeks flare up now, unable to do anything. “I’m not that dumb.” He mumbled, seemingly trying to burrow further into your back. At first you thought his feelings had been hurt, but you felt a smile grow on your back, and suddenly your sides were being attacked. “Sebastian you cheater!” You yelled, desperately trying to break free of his grasp. The boy wouldn’t let go, not until he tickled you until you were out of breath and falling to your knees. A triumphant step and a happy hum, he knelt with you, lightly head butting you. “Maybe you’re the dumb one.”

        “You’re both dumb.” Ominis said as he took his seat at the library table. Even after Sebastian had told him about the attack he launched on you, he didn’t say if he ever confessed. You hadn’t even shown up to the study session yet, and Ominis was already cursing you for your own feelings, had you even realized them yet was beyond him. “Now that’s rude.” Sebastian retorted, pulling his book out. Ominis scoffed, “Not rude enough, it appears. How is it that the two of you have not realized this yet? You think “Emotional Support Hufflepuff” was a friendly term or something?” Sebastian furrowed his brow, “Yes, is it not?” Ominis could only shake his head. “You are impossible.”

      A few moments later you had arrived, your book in hand and a quill and parchment in the other. “Get distracted by dancing cacti again?” Sebastian teased as you sat beside him. You shook your head, opening to the page the three of you had left off on. “Sounds like someone didn’t get poked enough.” You mumbled. Ominis let out a snort. The three of you began your study like normal, without you falling asleep this time. Before the library blew out its lights, the three of you left. Ominis had bid you farewell as he made his way back to the Slytherin dorm, claiming that he needed a shower before bed. You were left with Sebastian, who walked by your side and occasionally (and purposely) bumped into you. You gasped as he bumped into you too hard, sending you falling into a wall. Luckily, Sebastian realized just how hard he hit you, and quickly went to grab you before you contacted the stone. He wrapped his arms around you and held you still, muttering a “whoops” into your hair. You huffed, “If you wanted me to fall for you, all you had to do was ask.” You laughed at your own joke, congratulating yourself for coming up with something so fast. Sebastian stayed silent, seemingly holding you tighter. You felt him say something against your head and calmed your laughing down. “What was that?” You asked. Sebastian shook his head, eventually letting go of you and continuing to walk you to your dorm.

[strawberry-selfships]

another long davros ramble. sorry.

gosh. gosh. gosh. my love for davros would be SO reciprocated. its so crazy to think about. he and i both yearn for companionship but i feel like him more Absolutely Desperately so . and i feel like i would fill such a big void in his life + fill even more things he didnt even know he was missing from his life . like . like . someone who loves him that isnt his mother . becasue like HE DOESNT HAVE THAT . HE DOESNT REALLY HAVE FRIENDS . like for obvious reasons i know . but . still . HE LIKE . HE LITERALLY DOESNT HAVE FRIENDS BESIDES LIKE. IDK. NYDER?? BUT NYDER IS MORE OF A SUBORDINATE THAN A FRIEND YKNOW?? AND DAVROS HIMSELF SAID THE CLOSEST THING HE HAS TO A FRIEND IS THE DOCTOR BUT GOD KNOWS THAT FREAKING NYDER LIKES HIM MORE THAN THE DOCTOR DOES SO UUUGHGGHjhjhhhhhh what im saying here is that its not a stretch to say that davros loves me,,, not a stretch to say that davros needs me, even,,,, that i'd fill a void in his life,,, be a friend to him,,, and ultimately, love him,,,, and it would just . he would just like . fold, i think . obviously its nothing i'd take advantage of but i really dont think its a stretch to say that he would love me and protect me at all costs from anything and take care of me because he loves me and he needs me and we both fill the lonely void in each others lives AAAAAAAAAAA

[dballzposting]

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. BUT IS THIS REALLY REAL? ARE WE ALL SEEING THIS?

- Dragon ball wont fucking die so they have to keep coming up with new shit and they were like OK. Let’s do a Goten & Trunks thing. It’s untapped potential. 

- Becasue of that, becasue of them needing a story to tell, they indirectly confirmed many things that many of us already assumed but could never be said. Things like: Goten & Trunks still hang out even when they get a little older (although to be fair in the Super anime we saw them together constantly, but still, the gap between that and EOZ was unspoken for); they play video games; goten & trunks are still on the same wavelength; THEY ATTEND THE SAME SCHOOL, etc etc.

- THIS IS HUGE ! CANON GOTEN & TRUNKS MANGA! THIS ISNT FUCKING FANART! THIS IS REAL SHIT!!!!!

Im only like um 10 pages in but commenting on what I’ve seen: ARE YOU SEEING THIS SHIT ???

THIS IS SO FUNNY ...

- “we need to do a story with goten and trunks.” “What should they be doing?” “Um, the franchise is doing a SUPERHERO theme right now, so they should be SUPERHEROS, Like The Great Saiyaman!” “AWESOME! But why? They thought that the Saiyaman stuff was a little lame, no doubt..?” “Well. They’re dragon ball characters so they just have a natural affinity for saving people and being helpful, first of all. Second of all, Goten & Trunks are certified teens now so aesthetic and style is important to them, they absolutely would not go for that saiyaman shit. So clearly they have a DIFFERENT source of inspiration.” “What you mean like a video game character or something...?” “...YES.”

- “Okay so WHAT sort of video game hero is he like.. what’s his SCHTICK?” “Um. IDK. He cleans shit. Mr. Clean.” “We’ll call him...CLEANGOD. It’s stupid enough that it’s in-line for Goten & Trunks.”

AND GOTEN & TRUNKS ARE REALLY STICKING TO THAT CLEAN SCHTICK !!!! AND IT’S SO STUPID BECASUE THEY LITERALLY .. 

HAVE TO COMMIT TO THIS BIT! GAH!!

LIKE THEY MADE CLEANING COOL!! Gotta Take Out The Trash . . . 

and it’s dragon ball and it won’t fucking die so now they play video games and everyone has a CELL PHONE. Fuck it. Chichi on FaceTime

^ GOTEN YANKING OFF HIS PANTYHOSE ??

And “Our Transformation Sequences Aren’t Heroic At All.” That’s what he calls it. That’s what he says. That’s how he thinks.

HERE’S A SCENE THAT’S GOING TO MAKE ME THROW UP:

WHAT DOES THAT FUCKING MEAN !!!

in this manga, Trunks has to ask Pilaf to make him a watch like The Great Saiyaman’s so that he can change outfits instantaneously. Like, he doesnt know how to make one himself. Like .. MAYBE GOTEN ISNT BEING SHITTY but HE REALLY MEANS IT ?! Guys this is a canon manga. Toriyama worked on this shit. We can’t take this lightly. DOES TRUNKS NOT KNOW HOW TO DO SHIT?

Trunks says that and then Goten is like “Clearly you don’t know how to suicidebait people online.” IS THIS REAL?

Does Trunks sit down at the computer like Vegeta and cross his arms and squint really hard and like ... NOT REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON OR HOW IT WORKS? Like. Maybe he can do mechanical stuff. He can build a BMX bike and he can help his mom make blueprints. He can fix shit. But computers, are, like, it all happens behind the scenes, man. Those motherboards are tiny. Maybe he just doesnt fair well with what he cant SEE. Who knows...

UP NEXT: SON GOTEN PANTY SHOT ?!

HIS PHONE IS IN THERE VIBRATING. YES HE HAS A PHONE. EVERYBODY HAS A PHONE NOW. 

BUT... WHERE’S THE POCKET EXACTLY ...?

THE COMPOSITION OF THIS SHOT .. THEY HAD TO DRAW HIS CAPE LIGHTLY WAVING OUT OF THE WAY ... SO WE CAN ALL SEE HIS ASS VIBRATE ..

WAIT. GIVE ME LIKE 5 MINUTES. 

Speaking of Son Goten’s outfit. Look at his jeans and belt:

Typical enough in dragon ball but like... I’m jealous. Who bought him that nice ass belt.

Anyway this is just so stupid look at this.

Goten on his damn phone. Trunks is like “I just wanna FIGHT SOME MIGHTY EVIL and do it with swagg :/”

Honestly I feel for the kid. In blood and upbringing, he just wants to do good, kick ass, and pop off. Hang in there little dude...!

KINTO-UN CAMEO ! Also THEY GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL?!!1>?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?

I should save the rant about their superhero outfits for a different post but IDK when that’ll be. Theyre just so stupid. They’re skintight yet bulky at the worst points. Theyre ugly colors. GOTEN HAS A LONG, LUXURIOUS CAPE while Trunks has a TINY BABY BITCH CAPE and I KNOW they pick on each other for that stuff.

Goten is like “Atleast my cape isnt a napkin. Atleast when we’re in the air everybody can see my cape and know I’m a superhero.” And then when he goes to the bathroom and comes back there is pee and toilet paper stuck on his cape and it gets caught on all the door handles.

Trunks is like “Goten. You don’t live in Capsule Corp so I dont blame you for not knowing this, but when you design any new product, you have to learn how to marry STYLE with USE. My cape has attitude, it’s short and advant-garde, it’s recognizable, and it’s PRACTICAL. Your cape is gonna have you getting tangled up in yourself while trying to catch bullets.”

Goten is like “It is YOU who doesnt know anything about style. Watch my cape frame every pose I pull, silhouetting me against the backdrop of carnage that we have arrived to fix; watch my cape dance behind me like a loyal shadow; watch my large, classy, strong cape bring comfort to these towns on SIGHT, while your tiny baby bitch cape distinguishes you only as a feckless fool, an EMBARRASSMENT to heroes everywhere, and the forces of evil will point and laugh when you threaten them!”

and then when goten walks away Trunks just picks up goten’s cape and puts it on some piece of metal infrastructure protruding from the building theyre arguing behind, and he watches as it just completely tears off as Goten stubbornly maintains his pace walking away.

[farasen]

ooo were talking conny!! so, for starters, my headcanon is that she got very heavily depressed after her husband's (?) death and that at one point, she suffered a massive breakdown and possibly attempted suicide. it would explain why, when having nightmares about being put into the orphanage, jojo envisions his mom being taken by an ambulance in particular. of course, an ambulance could have been called for any number of reasons, like maybe overdrinking, as you mentioned she couldve been an alcoholic, but my headcanon still stands (plus that way it makes jojo saying "my mom got very sick" ambiguously like that hurt a little more, becasue it would mean nobody had the heart to explain to him what his motehr was going through). it's a very heavy topic for a kids show and i doubt it's canon, but it's what i think could be possible!! and yeah, ive always said im surprised by how well jojo is doing depsite everything. if i was in his shoes as a kid i wouldve had MAJOR issues with everything, especially with being nice to other kids probably. he's a good kid :(

This!!!

Actually, one doesn't prevent the other, she could be both depressed and alcoholic 

I've also been thinking that she probably tried to commit suicide, but of course it wouldn't be covered in the kids show, but... that's what headcanons are for (to make up angsty stories about the dudes who play soccer, obviously) 

If we speak about depression, she might have tried to hide it from Jojo? Like, not to disturbe or scare him? And that's why he rememberes his previous life with mom as peacfull 'til the ambulance suddenly arrived? Idk 

All that makes S1E7 even sadder imo. Like, imagine situation from Conny's side: you're depressed, being treated in the clinic, and one day you hear that your son ran away to the woods from the orphanage. I think that could be the point when Conny realised that she could lose even more when she already did and start to move on

[autisticlee]

Hey as a autistic person, How does your family treat you? For me, nobody except my mom is really close to me. my older brother lives in the same house as me and he never comes into my room to say hey or see how im doing. Today I tried to talk to him and he flat out ignored me so I don't know what to do. Im not sure if it has anything to do with autism idk it could be my looks cuz I know I've gained a lot of weight in the past years.

i'm also closest with my mom, but thats just because I work with her, so we interact the most. we are more like coworkers than family usually. my younger sister is basically the same as your brother where she ignores me/doesnt acknowledge me. if she does acknowledge me, it's to insult me and be rude for no reason. my dad usually only acknowledges me to yell at me when i'm doing things he thinks are wrong, when he wants to be the boss and tell me what to do, or when he doesn't agree with me and tries to argue

also, your looks usually has nothing to do with how people treat you and if someone says it's your looks, it's usually an excuse because they don't have a better answer. i watched a youtube video recently where an autistic girl always thought she was ugly and bullied/ignored for her looks and being chubby, but when she was older people admitted to her it was becasue they thought she was a bit weird but didn't know why, so they said it was becasue she was ugly since they didn't have a better answer, but they all actually thought she was very pretty/cute. so it's usually just the autism ��‍💨

[strawberryezpls]

my goodness i have changed wtf

looking back to the beginning of this year till now is actually fucking insane how much has happened and how things ended up being like. I'm actually accomplishing my goals that i had planned for this year and it feels good but it's kinda like i need something else for the motivation to keep going. Umm lets see I'm finally under 200 and I can keep doing that if i watch my diet. Ummmmm should i start witht he boy who i was i was ina s ituationship with or just pick up where I lelft off? Hmm so last time i was on here I was already on talking terms with my ex(yea ik bad) but it was kinda innocent. (not really lmao) then I got my wisdom tooth surgery and i had a little complication bc it was not healing up properly. Thennnnn I had my bday how i planned it. I even bought myself a little camera but it dies so quick so rip. Ooo i turned 21 if you didn't know and i had my first whiskey shot at midnight thanks to no relationship man. (Imma call him teddy bear bc thats what it gave and reminds me of the song teddy bear by melanie martinez. Oooo i finally got into a relationship with teddy bear but i pratcially begged him tbh. oh and before that i got my grand,as car towed from his apartment........ i don't wanna even revisit im just glad i didn't have to pay for it. And then i went to see melanie martinex for her 3 album tour and it was MAGICALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. as per usuall life went downhill after seeing such a queen. I was =n't doing too hot spring quarter and that why im taking my last class i needed. However i did sign my lease for the dorms imma be living so I'm offically a university gal! regarding to that i got a second job just for the summer to help with paying for college but tbh let be real lmao. lets just say if i thought i was busy in january this is nothing compared. oh and I dyed my hair in may becaseu i felt like it but im back to my natural color and in pain bc my hair is so weak rn. ummmmmmm today i'm finally goign to be a manager at my main job and iim so excited but nervous. I've been acting like this role for a while now but there's always going to be something unexpected that comes up. But thankfully everyone is supportive and does what they can and I'm not alone in the suffering at all(at least i hope im not) oh and i got into a fight with my fatehrr so i have to stay at my aunts house temporaily like where i'm typing from. I miss being home bc it was my set place where i had everythign i needed. which reminds me like you know how i said i think i have autism yeah idk i think i also show signs of ocd...... i wont go into detial bc thats not ur bussiness but i tend to have very obessive thoughts like never ending too so theres that. I cannot wait for september to come and i can focus on school and have a change. i have to start packing or planning things now though and that makes menervous bc my mom obviously doesn't want me to go. but whatever omg and i started using tampons and I've only had 2 success days lmao but i'm gettign there. Idk if this wasn't obious but i broke up with teddy bear to foucs on myself and i don't reakky have the energy to be with him it just too drianing yk. However i somehwo managed too get all the bosy i've shown interest to spin back like didn't think it was possible. just wow y life is really changing and i feel like i can't keep uup even thoughi felt like that in april and I was keeping up just fine. anyways I think thats it i could start to do think pieces again not that anybody is reading this. I wish i could say every detail but so much is happening at once in my life. it wasn't like this a year ago which is crazy to say. Like i never thought i would be here like this a year ago tbh. I think that's a good thing becasue i wanted to live a busy life like everyone. I don't know how i still have time for tiktok and instagram on the daily but whatever. I don't even post as much on instagram yea very sad. I'm becoming more mysertious by the day. and sharing over there just feels useless like my august/july-december era was one or the books.

[spicycowboyhole]

posting because the psychicatrist decided to get sick when im having a crisis?:

idk where to start tbh LLOOL but i think im NOT DOING WELL. like on the outside evertytthings fine like nothings changed at all but i think im going insane. i think ive just realized how i have like 0 emotional suppoport system and whenever someone says something genuinely nice about me it makes me feel emotional because like i had family visiting this past week and my mom and my cousins tarted talking about college and my mom was saying how i wasted money going to college. i said that i didnt feel like i wasted my money becasue i have a degree now and i could always go back and get my bachelors but she said "BUT WHAT ARE U DOING EITH IT" and it just pissed me off because i feel like shes negating my accomplishment.

what made me cry last night was when i was messaging this guy and he was telling me about how he had class in the morning and we started talking about college. i told him how i was thinking about going back to school in january and he said i should.

for some reason i feel like getting my degree in psych would be cringe or a waste of time/money because my friend told me everyone she knows who did thinks so, like its some useless art degree. but when i asked this guy if it was cringe he said "so cringe... imagine having ambitions" im fucking stupid and didnt notice the sarcasm and i said "might as well start playing bucket drums on the street ig" because idk i guess i imagine getting a degree in psych would be just as dumb as someone trying to make it in the music business by playing on the street or something. he said "everyone thats going to college has ambitions. So in that case we all need to go play street bongos" and that perspective completely exploded my brain and i started crying LMAO because i guess going to college is a risk no matter what and u just have to believe in urself or some gay shit. it made me think of a taz cameo where he told someone that "nobody is gonna support your journey no matter how much they love you until youve proved to them that your journey was worth supporting" and that made me sad kinda because like i said i dont think i really have any kind of support from family rn and i kinda just have myself but i have like 0 confidence and negative self esteem and my family just being dissapointed in me and saying negative stuff really doesnt help. so i guess the moral of the story is that i have to trust and believe in myself because no one else will! really sucks i think. yeah but i only just started talking to that guy like YESTERDAY and im sure he prob felt like what he told me was nothing but it really did impact me and pulled the last tiny string that was emotionally holding me together. i apologized for being cynical and i told him i appreciated his words because i was kinda responding in a joking way that might have come off as rude i think? the silly bandaid just isnt working so good no more.

but fr i think while my anxiety is a lot better i think my depression is getting worse just due to my circumstances. like can u believe i almost went to the movies with some stranger internet guy just because i didnt want to be with my family?? i think somethings making me more impulsive than usual. i was going to buy cigarettes today and the only reason i didnt was because my appointment got canceled.

some other things tho i kinda didnt like having my cousins come visit because i just feel so inferior to them. like they look better and are just doing kinda all the stuff i should be doing yk? makes me feel shitty AND i feel like my mom just kinda infantilizes me like my parents treat me like nemo and i just cant do some things for some reason. its just so frustrating like my parents make me upset and i just want to move far away from them but also like they dont encourage me to do stuff on my own and when i try theyre like how are you even gonna do that you cant do that you have a bad fin like HELLO HELP ME FIX MY FIN THEN? I WOULDNT HAVE A BAD FIN IF YOU DIDNT HELP PREVENT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE LOL BUT IT JUST SUCKS THAT I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS BY MYSELF

i just dont want to be living here in like 5 years. thats a goal huh? if i had been asked where i wanted to be in 5 yrs when i was in high school id be like idk but i somehow managed to grow a goal somehow just out of misery i guess. and the steps are so cleaar in my head but then the voices tell me i cant do it because im scared BUT thats the point of life or something right??

jesus chhrososttt in reality nothing is really changing irl but im having some sort of crisis rn

ive even been trying to talk to boys LOL ive just been wanting some kind of escape from my life,, some independence, i want MY OWN LIFE that my mommy doesnt know everything about. i want to go to the movies with someone im not related to.

ok these paragraphes are all fucked up and i would fix it but i dont wanna go through and reread them

[megismorallysunny]

26/09/23

ok so an okay day, i think writing a blog has unexpectedly made me feel worse about myself. i remember more, but i feel like shit more than usual, but i like writing so im not sure what to do. it sucks. i had history first "the sub" was in today he wanted us to acc learn shit, sooooo boring. Carmite, Emerald and "sapphire" all sat together. i cant remember if i mentioned sapphire but hes one of the boys.

they played a roblox obby in class and they kept getting caught so they decided to take out their calculators and PRETEND, it was so embarassing the sub told them not to go on their phones after 10 minutes of them fake playing on their calculators just for carmite to say "hehe not a phone its a calculator, gottem" it was SO EMBARRASSING. HE SPENT 10 MINS. anyways, granite is gone to tenerife so its just me and diorite for a while.

french was good. yknow that girl bluebird that i talked about yesterday, well she got in trouble for not doing her hw again and like she was talking to the teacher and the teacher had to ask her what three times because she was so quite. some other things but i cant remember. for pe we did badminton because the pitch flooded, me and diorite were partners and we bet 1 other team. i was pretty shit tbh. for lunch diorite bought me a chocolate bar and stole some kinder bars. she talked about how she started feeling guilty last night cuz she stole some stuff from a shop and then she found out that there was only one of them (not family owned but not a corporation). i said i also felt guilty when i did that because i have the resources to pay i just dont like spending money. i dont steal, it was a once off chance and just felt like shitty of me.

for business a bunch of 2nd years were in our seats eating lunch and chatting, they musnt have gotten the message to leave when i thre my bag over them to reach my fucking seat. i had to get the guy in crutches to help me out because i just dont like talking to 2nd years because idk they have a weird vibe. also at lunch coming from the shop me and diorite got swarmed by 1st years we didnt know, and asked us for stuff, they asked me for popcorn and i kinda just ignored them and walked through them, maybe i should have been nicer and given them the rest but also im a hungry hungry hippo. they also knew my friends name?? my friend stopped and gave them kinder bars, on the way to business another first year asked for a kinder bar and she gave it to him, "they really took the worst you can get is a no to heart". it was really funny and sweet though the way they flew to food like bees to pollen. anyways the teacher didnt show up for the first 15 mins in class and it got REAL silent, so a girl in my class decides we need to d icebreakers (the only new person in the class is bluebird, and weve all known each other for a little over 2 years). we have to say our full name then our hobby, im 2nd and i CRUSHED it. i did amazing, we got to every1 and out of like 28 only 4 people didnt do it. in geography i felt rly lonely, sure i got a back seat but at what cost, i didnt have anything to do, i felt like shit, and a group of people played among us and i kinda wanted to aswell but i dindt have it downloaded and i just felt awkward, the worst they can say is no but, they remember that no, it was kinda nice seeing them play but i didnt want them to see me smiling so i did it every rarely. diorite wasnt there becasue they had a music thing, i dont do music cuz i sound like a drowned rat. i then walked to my dads work, stayed in his van for an hour so he could finish work and then went home.

i forgot to mention but 1st class ended 10 minutes early for some reason, and no teachers were told so it was rly confusing, my mom got home 4 hours late from work, her top boss is visiting her work and shes one of the managers so she has to do lots of things, we didnt get dinner till 9 cuz dad had to drive my brother to basketball which he just started. i could have just made dinner myself but also yknow, your supposed to eat the food people cook for you and they were going to cook it was really a matter of when. ive decided to learn portuguese which is really stupid but of well, i can try. i hope i shift tonight, wish me luck xoxo

[actualtext]

Jan 30, 2023

Cailee Catastrophy

Background- I told Cailee I wanted to visit before making my choice to like check the vibe to see if I liked it. I asked her probably over a month in advance, to which she responded by letting me know she wouldnt know her work schedule until two weeks before. Deep down inside, I knew the plane tickets were going to be way higher in price, but I said "fuck it" and asked her to let me know when she got her schedule. I responded by letting her know that I wasn't able to find any cheap flights, at least not in my price range. I told her previously that I would need until February to let her know if I was or wasn't going to go for sure, but it was Jan 21st and I felt like the flights not working out was kind of a sign, and that I knew what my answer was. I went ahead and told her that I wasnt going to go after all and that I wanted to tell her sooner rather than making her wait till February. It didn't seem fair to keep that to myself until then. She didn't respond, so the next day I asked if she was okay. (You know this part) I'm just going to copy our texts here because what happened was weird. It's like nothing escalated to a huge thing and I blame the lack of tone in text. Anything in brackets [ ] is something that wasn't in the text, but that I added for better understanding or to make a statement.

Sat, Jan 22

ME: Cailee? You okay?

Cailee: Um I need a little bit I havent really been okay and haven't known what to say at all

ME: Okay, I understand, I'll be here. 💖 🥺

Fri, Jan 27

Cailee: Hey I still don't quite know what to say, like I've been really just upse about this while situation, not because you decided not to come, but because you made it seem like you were coming. And I just kept beling like no lol she's not coming but you kept being so so like adament about it and so sure and I wish you never put that idea into my head if you weren't sure, it's frustrating to be in the situation I am in and then someone like essentially gets your hopes up for months and then is like yeah no, I muean just like I thought, but towards the end you barely checked for flights like 2 weeks before you wouldn've came up here and I was like yearh she procrastinated on it casue it wasn't important to her. Originally I was just real mad abot having been through this whole situation and the measurments of the rooms I took and then moving stuff out of the room you wanted because it was important to you and I was trying to et myself to stop being so stubborn and trying to learn from how I was being.

Umm im not doing well at all and that doesn't have anything to do with you. I was pretty devastated when I got the news fom you and all I've wanted to do is hide from texting you or saying anything becasue like i'm just really upset and alone and isolated and depressed and confronting that realization that nobody is coming up here with me adds to that entire thing. Winter up here is extremely rough, you would not believe. And saying anything, especially trying to gather my thoughts enough to say something nice or comforting or accepting was too much, or I mean it still is too much. My mental health has been bad since the shit with clarissa [her old roommate] happened and I often think about suicide here and still when I was there [in Texas]

You don't have to say anything to like idk console this or make it better becasue it is exactly what it is and it happened exactly how the world wanted it to happen for the better or for worse

I just wish things were different and that I didnt' have to feel this every second of everyday

You coming was essentially becoming my little tiny glimmer of hope and it's gone now. And I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty or regret your decision, it's just exactl how I feel and how I've felt for a while now.

I hope Texas is the brightest ray of sun in your life because I sure miss it and everyone in it with all my heart

[high key, should have just left it, but I felt like she was accusing me of not being honest with her, and I wanted to clarify that but it ended up turning into so much more.]

Sat, Jan 28

ME: I was sure at first that I was going to move in wit you in indiana. I wouldn't have brought it up if I wasn't going to go. Initially, it seemed like a for sure thing. Until you started trying to dictate my choices. As time went on (our last conversation), I realized that our communication styles were completely different [should have prepared me for this], and you dropped news that I felt shoudl have been divulged before the decision to move. The bottom line is that I figured our that it wouldn't be the smartest idea to move to indiana. I even told you I needed time to think about it becasue things had changed, and that I no longer felt sure. So please don't tell me that after repeating "I've been planning on doing this all on my own anyways" when I told you I had to think about it, you were finally hopeful. Casue that would just be so silly. You even told me you had been preparing to do it all on your own since the get go, during our last conversation.

I checked for flights a whole month in advance. You were the one who said "I won't know my scheduel until two weeks before" which made me ahve to hold off on buying plane tickets. I was taking your schedule into consideration because you were the one who said you don't deal well with change. I didn't wanna just show up while you were busy. I was trying to be considerate. Something that you have hardly done in this situation, and apparently only did so after you thought there was a chance I would no longer be going. It was too late by then, Cailee.

You're not the only one not doing well, my dude. Please try to remember that. I genuinely hate that you're feeling like this but It wont get better until you go get some help.

I know I came off as stern in the beginning, but your first message was nothing but attacks.

As for being your glimmer, you were the one who told me that you didn't want to be responsible for me liking or disliking indiana or be responsible for my happiness. You should have put that on me, or at the very least, you shoud have been honest about how you were feeling beforehand so that I could have talked you don rather than being adamant. I was adamant because I was excited. As time went on, I becasme less excited. Imagine the prospect of moving to a whole new state thinking its gonna be cool af cause that's your friend [over there], and then your friends starts being bossy/dictating. It doesn't make you feel so welcome. Especially when your friend keeps repeasting how she can always do this without you. Do it without me then. I don'y want to be in Texas, but I dont want to be alone in indiana more than I don't wanna be here.

Cailee: U know what I see where ur coming from. ur right and I'm sorry, but we both need to see each others side, and what I said to you wasn't an attack but I was expressing my feelings about the situation nothing more

Me: "I wish you had never gotten my hopes up"

I didn't do that

That's an accusation

I was transparent thw whole time

I also didn't make you wait until February to tell you my decision

Cailee: Uh I mean you did get my hopes up like quite literally like the way you talked about it, that's not an accusation either it's like literally true, my hopes were in fact up by the way you talked about coming and how sure you were

Me: becasue I was

and once I wasn't

I let you know

Cailee: Ok so like that's true though. Whatever set ou off about my personality happened eventally right but maybe for about two months you were super sure you were coming, according to you

Me: Yeah cause I totally was

I told everyone including my family [to explain how serious I in fact was]

Cailee: It's like okay that I'm bummed out about that, like I'm allowed to feel what I feel, It doesn't have to be like who's fault it is type of deal. It's a shitty situation at the end

It's probably about 50/50 both sides my guy

Nobody has to like win or be right about it

Cause I told my family too like I did the same shit to prepare that you did except I was already here for months and I'd already done what u were about to do

Sun, Jan 28

Me: When I asked you for the measurements [refering to her first message during which I felt attacked], I was in ikea. So please stop thinking I wasn't serious cause I was literally ready to buy furniture that would fit in either room. I talked to my therapist about the situation and I got multiple opinions. Ultimately, I decided for myself that It wouldnt be good for my mental health to go to a place that I only had one form of support that was rocky in and of itssef.

I mentioned telling everyone about the move to show you how sure I was. You may have told your family but your family was already there. If I needed financial assistance [like cailee did in the beginning], would your mom have pitched in to help me? [like she did for cailee] No. She doesn't even know who I am because we never did that zoom call I asked you for dring the first month you arrived. Me moving there and you moving here are two very different things, so please don't compare them.

You told me you were prepared to do it alone, so your hopes shouldnt have been up. Remember, I told you "It's good that you're mentally preparing to do it alone because it's smart and it doesn't put pressure on me to go" this was around the time I said I wasn't for sure anymore. I did my part by letting you know, so your hopes shouldn't have been high after that becasue I had told you I wasn't so sure.

Aside from me doing my part by being fully transparent with you, I'm also not in charge of your feeling. I didn't get your hopes up. You did, by continuing to think that I'm[didnt mean to say I'm] everything was for sure even after I told you it wasn't. Aside from that someone who is really mentally prepared to do it alone wouldn't be feeling bummed or blaming me for their sour mood. Someone who is actually prepared to do it alone probably would have said something like "dang, I was really looking forward to it, but thanks for letting me know" and then moved on.

As you said, no one has to be right or wrong, but literally everything you said about me doing was in response to something you did/said. The way you went about things influenced me [to] not want to go anymore. And if you had been honest with me about how you were really feeling, letting me know that your hopes were high instead of playing it down like you were okay doing it solo, I could have helped and talked you down but it's too late for that.

You went for your mental health, I decided to stay for mine. Your feelings are valid, Cailee, but this is what it is. I'm not going. Feel what you need to feel but don't blame me. Not even 50/50.

I never once said "man, now I have to sta in Texas casue cailee turned out to not be the ideal roommate for me" never. Because I'm in charge of my feelings, and while your actions influenced my decision, I was the one who made it. I might have felt let down and sad that my moving plans fell through, because I did genuinly want to go, but I never blamed you for that.

I might not want to be here, but I don't want to be anywhere else I'd end up feeling alone anyways. At the very least, I have a wonderful support system.

I hope you feel better and find other flinmmers of hope becasue I know what it's like to feel let down and alone.

I'm still your friend, cailee, but I'm not taking the blame for somethinf that isn't my fault. It was a decision I made, that you made me believe you were okay with.

I'm sorry your hopes were high and that I let you down by not going. Please believe me when I said the exact same thing happened to me. Lets move past this. :/

Cailee: Ok just you send a thousand word message saying basically it's completely my fault is actually ridiculous after I literally apologized and was ready to drop it dude like stop carying on with this shit and if you're not gonna admit any of this was your fault and play thw whole "everything is much worse for me and my situatio is harder than yours" like no dude just drop it, it's already been over but u keep carrying on and on and "it's not my fault it's yours and you did this to yourself" You can be right if you want to and always get the last word in and let me know how much u think it's my fault again and again but I'm literally not interested in that because I apologized already and already admitted at the very least half was on me and you cant stop explaining that to me in 100000 word texts for some reason like please dude just stop it like why do you need to add "not even 50/50" just own up to your part this shits a two way street and that entire text you sent is completely not necessary dude.

Me: Cailee, that's not even what I'm saying. I specifically said I didnt blame you.

why does it upset you that I said you were in charge of your feelings?

And I simply asked you not to compare out situations, that mine was worse.

Not that*

You have help up there

I wouldn't

It's a fact

Cailee: Like I literally talked to a friend and she explained it to me and told me I was wrong and that it was half and half from her perspective and told me where I went wrong and was like oh shit ok thank you for that and then tried to apologize to you like minutes after

and then you just kept arguing after that

Me: I didn't want to respond right away because I was feeling emotional

I didn't want to like bark at you

Cailee: Like idk what to say anymore st this point this shit don't need to be a blame game dude

Me: Agian, I literally said I don't blame you lmao

So...?

Are you intentional misreading or what?

Cailee: I mean read all of the texts you sent ne about not doing this and falling through on that

Me: Intentional*

When did I say you fell through?

Cailee: *screenshot* (me:) If I needed financial assistance [like cailee did in the beginning], would your mom have pitched in to help me? [like she did for cailee] No. She doesn't even know who I am because we never did that zoom call I asked you for dring the first month you arrived.

Me: The zoom call?

If thats the one thing that [you] fell through on, it doesn't even matter. The point was that I didn't know your family who literally helped you financially, who probably wouldn't help me if I needed it cause they dont know me.

Caille: Cause I stopped saying you did this and this and this wrong after I apologized and literally was like you now what ur right about some things

Me: Those two first messages were about you understanding and not comparing like you did in the message before mine.

I don't need an apology though

Cause like it's not your fault?

I made a decision, and I wanted your [meant you] to understand why it wasn't my fault that you felt how you do

It breaks it down

It wasn't my fault that you feel the way you do regarding me***

Cailee: No dude u apologize when u make mistakes and own up to that shit entirely it's how I was raised and live my life cause I need people to understand that I am listening trying to actively learn from what happened and that I'm not too prideful to hold onto being right essentially Me: [cont. of what I was saying] Specifically cause we all have their [meant other] things going on.

[in response to her most recent text] S then why did you apologize? What mistake did your felt [meant friend [who said it was 50/50]] help you see that you made?

Your friend*

Cailee: What? Like the whole text thread she was like ok she's right about this here and she did tell u she wasn't sure and she's right u shoudn't have gotten ur hopes up and all that shit

Me: And what mistake did I make that you feel like I should apologize for?

I apologized for letting you down.

That's genuine.

Cailee: WTF am I gonna do "no it's not my fault" to you? That shit is so childish like own up dude it's a two way street

Me: Think about what I asked please

What mistake did I make tha tyou feel like I should apologize for?

Before the text today you felt that already

Explain to me what it was

Why did your friend think it was. 50/59?

50/50*

Cailee: Okay I'm not gonna continue this conversation there's nothing I can do for you at this point. When I apologized I didn't make you tell me why it was necessary to me, I read your texts over and over and then asked my friend for advice and input and then apologized. You can do the same or just not at all whatever but there's nothing else I can add to any of this. I am done with this argument

Me: [totally violating the fact that she was done] You could anwer my questions.... I'm just asking for clarification to help me understand where you're coming from because I clearly don't understand. But if you're unwilling to, there's nothing I can do either. Maybe you could ask your friend for advice [I was making a genuine suggestion, becasue cailee has specifically told me she needs advice on almost everything and I wanted to hear what her friend had to say, since cailee apparently didn't know what she wanted me to apologize to her for].

It's called emotional reasponsibility, by the way. If you're interested in knowing more, theres's articles on it if you do a Google search. We are in charge of our own emotions, even the shitty ones. [before this, I did a google search for "are we responsible for our own emotions" becase I wanted to provide proof and reading this after the occurrance, I see how it can sound sassy- which at the time I coudn't perceive because it wasnt the tone I had in my head while typing it]

Cailee: Jesus fuckin Christ dude lmfao I am so happy for you that you got the last word in and continue to have snappy comebacks even after I have stated over and over and over again that I'm done and literally tried to move past it. It's so incredibly rude that you just told me I can ask my friend for advice again because you still will not let go of the fact that maybe just maybe you played a part in this entire bullshit argument. Grow up Jesus Christ man you BEEN crossed a line with this hit do not belittle me deflect it to something being wrong with me and the way I porocess things and that I'm just crazy and emotionally unstable bro. Give it time and cognitively think about ur part in an argument or don't, which clearly u wont. Either way I'm done with this.

Me: *invisible ink* [Accidentally, this part wasnt supposed to be invisible] Dont respond or even read this if you dont want to

Fuck wrong one

*invisible ink* [correctly this time] [I sent it invisibly so that she could choose when to read it] (calmly)This totally sucks because I'm just trying to communicate through this issue and you're blowing up instead of trying to help me understand (the original part of this argument which has morphed into so much more). You have me put in this very negative light, and it's making you read my text tone as snappy which is upsetting you and making it harder for us to talk through this.

My texts aren't even meant to sound snappy, I promise. I've added feeling words to help cause text is hard to hear tone in. This is normal and happens to even me, I'm not trying to belittle you. I swear. I've never called or thoguht of you as crazy, by the way.

(calmly) It's not about me getting the last work. I promise, cailee. That's not something that important to me. What is important to me is communicating through issues to resolve them rather than acting emotionally (Which, no offence but, you are with your caps locks and calling me childish).

(calmly). I told you what I wanted which was for you to answer the question and to help me understand but you eep sayin everything and attacking me rather and [I meant than] ansering the question. I know you didn't ask that of me, but I'm asking it of you. I'm asking for you to let me know what mistake I made so that I can understand what I need to apologize for.

I brought up your friend cause she was the one who said it was 50/50 [our fault], so maybe she would be able to provide some insight. If anything [i] want to have this conversation with her too, to include her, not to be rude, none of this is meant to be rude, or belittling, cailee. You could bring your sister in too, and again, I'm not saying that to be rude

(softly) You keep telling me to grow up, but I'm just trying to communicate. I'm not trying to deflect anything, i'm trying to dig deeper and find a resolution.

I know that you done and I respect that [a little too late]. You don't have to respond. If you ever wanna help me understand or have this conversation with your sister/friend I'll be here.

There ignore that second one till your ready. But the first ones not upsetting, it shouldn't be

Typing this out made me realize a few things. I understand I'm also at a wrong becasue theres something (that I don't know yet) that I need to apologize for. I'm not appologizing for "getting her hopes up" though because I know for fact that I didn't do that. I feel like I should say sorry for not showing more empathy when responding to messages in which I felt attacked, or that I needed to explain. This is my friend and I totally let my emotions get the best of me and then tried to do damage control. I feel really bad for upsetting her, but it was you who told me I wasn't in charge of her emotions. I feel like I dodged a bullet by not going up there because if this was her response to my one decision, I wonder what living with her would have been like. This has been a long stressful drawn out experience that I'm glad is over, but still sad that it may or may not cost me a friendship. When she was texting me, I was shaking with so much emotion, even at the end. This was something that was really affecting me and I don't think I realized it till tonight.

[nwaml]

Even if that person doesn't agree with you it doesn't mean you're wrong.

[large-rat-enters-from-stage-left]

yo what would be the formal version of neopronouns like ver, winter n all that shit? cause sir is primarily male / he/him and ma’am is primarily female / she/her- what would the formal version of other pronouns be?

ik that its up to the person who is identifying with the pronouns but like.. i dont care if someone calls me bro or dude but i usually just use she/her- so people would use ma’am for me, so like the base formal version of ver would be...

[dballzposting]

I have to confess. Whenever i am feeling very deeply self consious or afraid that a headcanon or a thought on media i have is getting Too out there or "Edgelordy" or even just reading too deep into something I go and look back at the tarble darvo post again and i feel a . Well serenity isnt quite how id put it but i genuinely mean when i say I aspire to your level of confidence in just putting completely off the walls stuff Out There and being aware its not gonna be everyones cup of tea and accepting that. You have majorly affected how i go about approaching media and stuff and while i dont know if its better for fandoms im in as a whole its better for me i think and thats what matters. I hope this is getting across right i mean this very positively. I think more people should have the audacity you have and i have GOT to internalize this

MY DEAR...

I was being all sleepy and small this morning and eventually I got on my phone and I saw this ask and it made me BOUND out of bed like the grandspa in the charlie chonka chocolate factory movie . Suddenly and conveniently rejuvenated.

I DIDN'T THINK THAT ANYBODY SAW THAT POST !??! But I don't know why I would think that becasue I just checked and it has 18 notes and even a reblog that isn't from me (from a user whom i appreciate tremendously and who interacts with my freakish posts when no one else does...)

SO GLAD THAT YOU SAW THAT POST & THAT IT IS HELPING YOU!!!

I agree with what you say. I LOVE HOW YOU'VE SAID IT. I also want to specifically add that it's important to have the freedom to express whatever is in your head. It's good to be self-aware that you're being "Edgelordy" if it means accepting how people will take it, but also, like, I would even advocate for acknowledging it as self-expression before you even give it judgement.

It's important to be OFF THE WALL CRAZZAY !!!

I don't mean to sound like I know what I'm talking about however ... I just make posts. I love to do it. And that's fine.

But yeah. I REALLY RESPECT & APPRECIATE what you're aspiring to be and I'm REALLY GLAD at how your thinking has changed thus far!!!

Go on ahead and internalize it. Audacity IS authenticity. Say what's in your beautiful mind <3

I don't want to come across all sanctimonious on dragonball blog but I can't help it it just comes so naturally to me so I'll keep going...

I understand feeling afraid & self-conscious and there are a lot of interesting things that can come from an exploration of those feelings. Sometimes it's best to stay quiet if you cannot with your better conscious justify a comment and feel safe with yourself after. But most of the time it's the fear of rejection that perpetuates conformity innit. And well that's no way to live. I promise that you're allowed to explore edgy ideas and that you're strong enough to withstand others' distaste. Because you are not required to heed a response that does not facilitate discussion or thought. Others' feelings are not your responsibility. And also plenty of people will like or respect what you say as well..!

Rules to live by: 1. Do whatever you want. 2. Be able to tolerate or protect yourself from others' doing whatever they want.

There is no meaningful discussion of art and life at large if one cannot discuss with an open mind and application of those principles starts HERE on dragon ball tumblr NOW!!!

It normally isn't my way to be so black/white assertive like that bc I think that all things have value but IDK I just wanted to make the strong point....

Thank you. I CANT SAY THAT ENOUGH!! This ask is so good. THANK YOU!! Good luck. And stay gorgeous <3

[grocerykisses]

the guy i have a crush on called me a genius on friday. um. how am i not dead

[estrel]

Are you one of the people that believe that dean thought cas couldnt love/feel emotions? im so, like???? I get if dean thought cas couldnt feel that way *for him* but all this abt dean thinking cas just doesnt feel love?, i feel like thats not what jen said, just that dean didnt know where cas was coming from/what kind of love he meant becasue hes an angel not that he thought cas couldnt feel romantic love bcz hes an angel! That would be literally dehumanizing. Ik hes not human but like still

Does this make sense at all??? Idk idk but im losing my mind.

hiya anon, good question

i don’t think that it’s that dean thought cas couldn’t feel love, because cas has always felt love, especially for sam and dean and jack, and he’s told them so before, so i don’t think that’s it. and i agree, i don’t think that’s what jensen meant, either. 

let’s see what jensen actually said:

But you also have to remember that Cas is a celestial being, and he’s thinking in a way that might not be comprehensible by a human heart or a human brain.

i personally take this to mean that cas loves dean so much that it’s really indescribable and doesn’t translate directly to human emotions 

So the things that he says--I always, from Dean’s perspective, I don’t know if I understand where he’s coming from or what he means from a humanistic stand point, even though he kind of transferred into a human over the course of twelve years. But he was always coming from this, there was always an angelic aspect to him that Dean may, or may not have understood.

i think it’s more that dean thought cas’ range of emotions weren’t even comprehensible to him because he wasn’t sure exactly how angel emotions worked. 

dean has said before that he thought angels were heartless and ‘junkless’ but he’s known, at the same time, that cas was different (”never change”). he saw how cas was with meg, too (which dean believed to be romantic at the time) so i think he also knew that cas could feel romantic love, but what dean didn’t know was that cas could maybe feel it in a capacity like that? changed? touched? by a human like dean? in all his years of existence?

i think that is incomprehensible to him, and i think that’s also why cas clarifies why he loves dean, because dean needs to know why so he can start to understand

also, hot take (?), but i think dean figured it out by 15x19 (maybe even in the last scene in 15x18) that cas meant romantic love, and that’s part of why he’s so desperate to get him back. dean’s had time to mull over cas’ words and to drink them in, time to remember adam and seraphina from Unity, to let cas’ confession fully settle (like, “what did he mean, ‘something he can’t have’? he has me, we’re family...so...did he mean...?”) and dean wants to get cas back and call him an idiot for not telling him sooner and this whole time he’s also calling himself an idiot for not seeing it and not telling cas and these two are pining FOOLS, i can’t stand them. but that’s just my interpretation which might later change depending on 15x20

[sortavibing]

what the haikyuu!! boys/girls favorite songs/bands are📼

hello! this is my first post so i hope im doing it right :P anyways enjoy!

karasuno💾

daichi: Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey. he’s such a typical dad holy shit so yeah he 100% listens to this i don’t know what else to say like- 🤠 yeah he probably sings it in his minivan (you cannot convince me that he doesn’t drive a minivan)

sugawara: WAP by Cardi B. yes we stan this bad bitch. he LOVES this song like he can do the dance and everything and he pulls it off like the baddie he is please someone animate this i NEED it anyways yeah he doesn’t really sing it but he 100% has done the dance in front of daichi.

asahi: Lullaby by Johannes Brahms. this baby hes such a slut for classical music and he always listens to it before a big game to calm his nerves. he pretends that he’s listening to something “tough” but everyone knows that he listens to classcial, they just pretend to not know.

nishinoya: Old Town Road by Lil Nas X. yeah, he hasn’t gotten out of the old town road phase and he unironically sings it and does a yeehaw dance. no one can stop him because everyone (except tanaka) is too embarrassed to be around him when he sings and dances, so he thinks it’s ok (honey, no), also, tanaka sometimes joins in and it’s painful to hear and see.

tanaka: GOOBA by 6xi9ine. he thinks it’s “badass” and tries to rap it whenever it comes on, and he fails horribly, but nishinoya always hypes him up saying that he did a good job, causing him to start singing again please save karasuno from hinata, nishinoya, and tanaka’s singing

ennoshita: Cough Syrup by Young The Giant. though it may not seem like it, but this man has got music TASTE like- yes. anyways yeah this song is a vibe and he really likes it. he once tried to introduce good music to tanaka and nishinoya, but they said it was “boring” and “sappy” and he never wanted to beat them up more than he did then.

kageyama: he listens to like play by play volleyball games or podcasts that talk about improving your skills because he’s a hoe for that volleyball shit try and prove me wrong i dare you

hinata: Red by Taylor Swift. he has terrible music taste and he literally just listens to what’s popular and like what his sister listens to. he likes to sing outloud and his voice is worse than oikawa- like karasuno cannot handle hinata singing at all it’s literal earrape.

tsukishima: Fancy by Twice. tsukki is a hardcore kpop stan, and he 100% listens to twice religiously, like that's the majority of his playlist, and he refuses to play his music out loud, and everyone thinks he listens to like rock or some shit like that. only yams knows that tsukki listens to it and he was sworn to secrecy.

yamaguchi: Sports by Beach Bunny. he likes to hum it quietly to himself because he really likes the beat and the lyrics. tsukishima has this song saved on his playlist just for yams and he plays it whenever they share headphones.

kiyoko: Body by Megan Thee Stallion. i dont know what to say, she is just a baddie who loves the confidence boost she gets from listening to this song as she should kiyoko is amazing she even learned the tiktok dance to this song and she performed it to yaichi yaichi.exe has stopped working but she won’t show it to anyone else anyways shes just a baddie and we stan.

yachi: Green by Cavetown. yeah she really likes the calming peaceful vibes this song has and she likes to sing it quietly when she is in a public place, like a bus or a subway to calm herself down and she also plays it when she studies.

aoba johsai 📼

oikawa: Bubblegum Bitch by MARINA because it just raidates that “i’m hotter than you” energy (just like he does our twink king). he prob sings it in the locker room while everyone is changing and his singing bursts everyones eardrums omg the whole team hates oikawa’s singing so much

matsukawa: Toad sings WAP he’s such a memer like- yeah so he and makki probably obsess over these toad sings video because 1. they are funny as hell like it’s some god tier comedy and 2. they say oikawa sounds like that when he sings it’s true tho

hanamaki: Toad sings Sweet Home Alabama. he and mattsun have a running debate about which one is better, and they ask the opinions of literally everyone they meet about it. so far more people have chose maki’s favorite song and he’s a little smug about it.

iwaizumi: Ride by twenty one pilots. this is probably like one of his secret pleasures. most people think he listens to like rap or something like that, but he really likes this song. he hopes that oikawa will never find out about this, because he will never hear the end of the teasing, so he just listens to this song while he is by himself, or just without the team.

yahaba: Walking On A Dream by Empire Of The Sun. idk this just feels right, like i really have no explanation why i think this works it just does🤠

kindaichi: Wake Me Up bye Avicii. this man is borderline bad taste, but we will let it slide for now, so yeah again, he just gives me the avicii stan vibes, he probably thought he would like rap more, but one day he heard avicii playing on the radio and he was hooked. he still pretends to like rap because he has a “reputation”

kunimi: Advice by Cavetown. this man gives absolutley zero fucks about everyone’s opinions you bet your ass he listens to this song. he 100% puts headphones in to listen to this while someone is talking to him because he just doesn’t want to have a conversation with them. everyone hates when he does that, but again, he doesn’t give a shit.

kyotani: We Will Rock You by Queen. yeah this is probably his pump up jam and he always listens to it before a game to get hyped up. if anyone dares to talk to him while he has headphones in, he will not hesitate to bite their head off i know this for a fact.

nekoma💾

kuroo: Yarichin Bitch Club OP. ever since kenma introduced him to anime OPs, he’s been obsessed, and he loves the yarichin op becuase 1. it’s dirty and he thinks that’s funny and 2. it actually slaps like why does it go so hard i’m in awe- anyways yeah he always sings it in the most public places just to get attention bc he’s a whore for the spotlight like that 😌. he also sings it with bokuto whenever they are together bc we stan the dumbass duo.

yaku: Arms Tonite by Mother Mother. yeah he is kinda obsessed with mother mother but this is hands down his favorite song. lev once heard yaku listening to this song and made fun of it, and let’s just say lev got the ass whopping of his life, yaku takes no prisoners- anyways yeah he just vibes with it and it’s great.

yamamoto: Who Let The Dogs Out by Baha Men. the whole nekoma team HATES his music taste, and they never let him play any music becasue- it’s just so bad i’m sorry this man has no taste like have you seen his hair? (the slander is real :))

kenma: Hikaru Nara (Your Lie in April OP) kenma loves to listen to anime ops while gaming bc they are highkey all bops and he says they help him concentrate. he tried to get kuroo to listen to the songs with him, and kuroo started to like listening to anime OPs, so they usually listen to them together.

fukunaga: he listens to like john mulaney comedy shows becuse he’s a little dork like that and (timeskip spoiler) he becomes a comedian later on so it just fits 🤠

inuoka: Roar by Katy Perry. again, it’s just the vibes that i get from him, i can’t explain it, he just seems like a big dork who would like this shit. so yeah, he probably sings this song really loudly when it comes on and the whole nekoma team just has to tolerate him when he does it.

lev: Ra Ra Rasputin by Boney M. he probably started listening to this song as a joke because he’s Russian, and the songs about Russia, but he genuinely started enjoying it and whenever it comes on, he starts singing. his voice isn’t actually that bad but yaku still gets annoyed as hell when he does it and beats the shit out of him.

fukurodani 📼

bokuto: Mr. Brightside by The Killers. he gets really excited when this plays and always gets up to sing it really really loudly, and do a really energetic dance. akaashi calm your child please he’s not a good singer, but he’s not a terrible one either, so the team has just gotten used to it.

akaashi: This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory. eep akaashi the hopeless romantic we stan- anyways yeah he found this band in like his first year of high school and has been addicted ever since. he doesn’t really share his taste in music with others, but the one time he let bokuto listen to music with him, bokuto got way to excited and accidentally dropped akaashi’s phone and cracked it.

konoha: Spirits by The Strumbellas. idk i just feel like he would listen to this song. he would never play his music out loud though, because bokuto always takes the aux cord/ speaker before anyone gets the chance to.

shiratorizawa💾

ushijima: he doesn’t listen to music. like if tendou offers to play music with him, he’ll accept, but like he’s just confused why people like listening to music so much, so he will just listen with that face he always makes (😐) while tendo is jumping around, dancing, and going batshit crazy.

semi: All I Wanted by Paramore. he is flat out obsessed with this band and he learned how to play this song on his electric guitar and has went to a couple of their concerts. semi 100% makes fun of his teammates music taste as he should

tendou: Yoda CBT remix (i linked it if you want to listen), ok but seriously, i think money machine by 100 Gecs. tendo is so chaotic and i think his music taste reflects that. he cannot listen to music without dancing or singing, and he always plays his music on full volume (hearing? what’s that?) tendo never gets the aux cord, because the last time they gave it to him, the speakers almost broke.

goshiki: Eye of the Tiger by Survivor. this little dork omg i really don’t have an explanation for this, it just fits and i take no criticism on this because y’all know it’s true.

shirabu: Cigarette Ahegao by Penelope Scott. semi introduced him to this song and he pretened he didn’t like it but he’s secretly obsessed. i think he generally doesn’t like music but this song- this song is such a vibe that he has to like it. (anyways yeah go listen to this song its so good)

inarizaki 📼

kita: Animal by Neon Trees. he isn’t really open about listening to music, he only listens to his songs when he is alone and when he has earbuds in, and if someone walks up to him to talk, he takes his earphones out (we stan a respectful boy). so yeah, he isn’t a big fan of music, but he still likes to listen from time to time.

aran: You Know It by Colony House. he will never listen to music in front of anyone because whenever he hears this song, he has to sing, and he doesn’t like singing in front of people (the miya twins are annoying he can’t do anything in front of them🙄), but yeah, this songs really good we stan this man’s music taste.

atsumu: Girls in the Hood by Megan Thee Stallion. this man LOVES this song like- he is obsessed. if you ask him something, he will literally reply with “can’t talk right now, doing hot girl shit” and he just walks away and ur just like- what the fuck bro. anyways yeah he thinks he’s a bad bitch but he really is just a dork.

suna: 505 by The Arctic Monkeys. yeah, the basic choice would probably be “why’d you only call me when you’re high”, but i feel like he would like this song better because it starts off kinda vibey, and then it goes into this great guitar bit, and just- the v i b e s so yeah i think he really likes this shit.

osamu: cooking podcasts. like he literally doesn’t listen to music, just shit about cooking. atsumu makes fun of him for it and he is just like “bitch shut up and go do ur hot girl shit 😐” and just walks away and keeps on listening to his cooking shit. (we stan this petty bitch)

others💾

saeko: E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE! by CORPSE and Savage Ga$p. this is self explanatory, she just is a bad bitch and this is what bad bitches listen to 😌 she def has played this song while getting it on with someone.

terushima: Bust It Open by Lil’ Wil. we all know terushima listens to these thirst trap songs and tries to do the tik tok dances that are associated with them. he probably posts videos to these songs on tik tok and they get a good amount of likes (cough cough he has a following of many thirsty girls).

sakusa: 24 hours of nothing yeah he doesn’t listen to music he just puts this on with headphones so people won’t bother him. he finds the silence relaxing and hates it when people interrupt him (cough cough atsumu)

btw: for some of the songs that aren’t on basic streaming services, i linked the youtube video for them.

anyways, i hope you enjoyed my first post [eep finishing this made me really happy]! have a nice day!

bye for now🌊