#idk but Some Time. maybe a year? and ive had my fair share of blogs terminated in like days/weeks cause . well. mentally ill bullshit .

[decaying-c0rpse]

i dont understand when people talk about rejection like its such a big deal i mean yea everyone experiences that to some extent it sucks but you get over it and- [remembers the time he deleted his whole blog cause he got one single anon simply asking when the mcr spamming which was way different content from what they signed up for when they followed him and was invading everyone's dashes cause again it was spamming not simply posting was going to end since they were close to rightfully unfollow him] oh.

[mariatesstruther]

I honestly don't get why Maria was so anti-Joel oh he's a horrible person he's done horrible things he can't be around us, but accepted Tommy fully to the point he's the father of her child when both did the same things, ran with the same people and all of that.

I mean I love the character, but that confuses the hell out of me. Why's Tommy accepted but Joel damned?

okay, so… this response took me like half hour to write. my wrists hurt, my jaw is clenched, my brain is hot. i love u anon thank u very much for this chance to vent about just why my girl maria has been so misunderstood. let’s go

i personally think this is where many people fundamentally misunderstand maria’s perception of joel. she’s not cautious of him primarily because of tommy or anything tommy has said, in my personal opinion—she’s cautious of him for and because of ellie

ive said this on my blog a few times and i think so have @steeb-stn and @clickergossip (and maybe @liveandletcry23 and @bumblepony i have a shit memory so tagging just in case) so im gonna tag them to credit their words and ideas about maria as well, but the FIRST time maria sees joel, he’s with this rando twelve year old girl who he is seemingly so protective over that she cant even be sniffed by dogs who are just trying to detect infection, which would be good for ANYBODY. that’s his first strike for untrustworthyness, because why the fuck wouldn’t he let this girl be tested???—we know why, of course, but maria doesnt. shes working on the very limited info about joel/ellie’s relationship that she has from just her own observations, and i think we need to remember that as we go through analyzing why she moves how she moves

shes knows from tommy at this point is that joel had a daughter, but it is definitely not this little girl. so why the fuck are they so close. what have they gone through. are they okay. is ellie okay. is their relationship safe for her??? THAT’s what she’s thinking about, in my opinion, while shes staring joel down at that dinner table. she’s reasonbly suspicious, and i can’t blame her for it.

i had to cut this it’s literally maybe my longest post ever so. heres the cut

ALSO, it’s not like she’s a straight up bitch to joel like some of y’all seem to make it out to be??? she never says or implies that “they can’t be around” or anything like that. she offers them clothes and food and supplies. she sets them up in a house. before dinner, she gives them a personal tour (which, to be fair, she did because she was probably trying to keep an eye on them and figure out more about whether or not ellie is safe, but who wouldnt???? i know tess would! and yall would love her for it!). tommy literally says to joel before they leave that there will always be a place for him and ellie in jackson—you cannot tell me you believe he said so without already have maria’s green light for joel and ellie to stay

ALSO, i wanna consider some other things that i haven’t seen many ppl talk about. on that walk she takes with tommy and joel and ellie, she makes it sound like tommy has been with them for at least years AND she maintains the confidence to say that residents in jackson stay off the radio—i could totally be wrong, but it seems to me from the look tommy and joel share right after that it’s obvious tommy has been talking to joel BEHIND MARIA’S BACK???? did no one else catch that??? am i misinterpreting big time??? id assume because theyre married and from the way tommy talks about jackson that he’s been in jackson for at least 3 years maybe, and we know that he only stopped radioing joel a couple months before the show’s main plotline starts, so timeline wise there had to be some overlap of tommy still radioing joel from/around jackson. idk if anyone of my mutuals has thoughts on this but i personally think it’s important to point out, because it establishes that maria likely doesn’t know or think tommy and joel kept in contact, at least not as recently as up to some months ago. she knows that tommy and joel are close, but at the same time, she doesn’t think tommy really knows or talks to joel anymore, either. so how is she supposed to extend him any trust as tommy’s brother????? how and why would she give this man any benefit of the doubt???? it wouldn’t make any sense. she’s more practical and discerning than she is naive and kind, and y’all can think what y’al want about that but i love her for it. it’s very necessary for a woman like her to be the way she is

okay, so back to your question. back to why joel is “damned” and tommy is “accepted.” let’s talk about joel for a sec

y’all like to babygirl and idolize the absolute fuck out of this man

we know that not only was he a smuggler, but he killed and tricked and took advantage of people, shamelessly and brutally. we know that tommy did so too. maria knows that tommy has done the same things. maria also knows that tommy left that life because he couldnt do it anymore, and joel continued because he could

point blank period!!!!! yall can argue with me all u want but tommy left that murder life and joel did not. im not saying this makes either brother good or bad or better than the other, i love joel sm and i think both of them have an undisputed capability to do unspeakable things in order to survive. but tommy got to a point where he hit a limit, whereas joel doesn’t seem to have one. this is at least my personal interpretation of their conversations in the game and the show

tommy DID join the fireflies, which we all know now is not any fucking better than whatever the fuck joel was doing—the difference is the reasoning, though, and considering tlou is all about reasoning and the why, we need to consider the reasoning behind tommy’s decision: he wanted to do something better, something good, something he thought had a purpose. we all know now that the fireflies are bullshit, their purpose is bullshit, and they’re willingness to kill a child for the sake of the “cure” is it’s own entire paradox of bullshit. but they were a rebel organization fighting fedra, who fucking suck, and probably had somewhat of a better reputation back when tommy was interested in joining—or maybe they didn’t, to be fair, i don’t know! the point is, tommy went to them seeking some sort of better purpose, some type of redeption; in joel’s own fucking words, “tommy’s what we used to call a joiner. had dreams of becoming a hero... wants to save the world.”

tommy is idealistic. he’s romantic. he’s optimistic, almost to the point of being fucking naive. thats why he enlisted in the army, thats why he enlisted in the fireflies—he wanted to feel good about himself and the world he was living in. he needed it to have some light at the end of the tunnel for all the bullshit to make sense. and yeah, he was wrong both times in joining up. we know that, joel knew that while it was happening, and tommy knows that in retrospect, too. i think jackson is the first place he really found true, real purpose—not the kind that is propagandized to you and goes up in smoke, but the kind that is well and truly earned. that’s why he is so loyal to jackson and to maria—they finally gave him was he desperately spent his life searching for

and im just saying, from maria’s perspective, she’s someone who lives for purpose. she lives for jackson and for it’s people and for it’s future, and she has to maintain some sense of idealism in the face of all that fucking ugliness to be able to mentally live im and run a place like jackson, to believe that it’ll work. i think that idealism she has, she sees reflected in tommy’s desperation to be a better person who’s fighting for a better life. she sees that need for redemption and goodness in him, that need for things to be fucking worth it, and hears she hears it in his story. she gets to relate to him with this in a way she doesnt GET TO RELATE with joel YET (we STILL HAVE TIME PEOPLE. WE HOLDIN OUT STRONG FOR THE JOEL AND MARIA BEST FRIEND AGENDA)

but to continue, THEN maria spends YEARS with tommy, getting to know him, getting to know his guilt. just like tess with joel, she’s sees the worst and the best of him and gets to fall in love with all of it. so of course there’s gonna be a bit of a bias and a blindspot, towards him—just like any of are other characters have weak spots for the people THEY fucking love

so that’s i guess why i think tommy is “accepted” by her, i guess, and there’s honestly way more them and their romance that i could make a whole separate post about but i’ll leave it there for now. back to joel and why he’s “damned,” which i don’t think he is

again, from what maria knows, he made an active CHOICE to stay in the lifestyle of smuggling and murdering and QZ bullshit, even after tommy chose to leave—and idk what y’all imagine joel and tess to be doing in those many years on their own, but it’s not fuckin picking flowers, for me. they’re dangerous, dangerous people—more dangerous that fedra, and more dangerous than the fireflies, if we’re being fucking real about it. and we LOVE tess and joel for this, or at least i do

but jackson is not a place where people get by with smuggling or backstreet deals or threats. it’s not supposed to be that place. we all LOVE jackson in fics and hcs and aus because it’s literally a place where joel and ellie finally get to breathe and not worry about their safety/survival first. and you know who keeps jackson that way????? MARIA. AND HE BEING FUCKING PICKING ABOUT WHO JACKSON LETS THE FUCK INSIDE

so yall just expect her to by YIPPY SKIPPY when joel, THE JOEL THE SUPER SMUGGLER MURDER COWBOY, strolls into town????? WITHOUT TESS, WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MORE PERSONABLE AND REASONABLE ONE???? what????? she’d be crazy not to at least try to be a little intimidating, to make it clear to joel that he will not get away with any of that qz bullshit here. she’d be naive not to, and maria is anything but naive

and i know most people don’t like her for that “a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad” “not always, at least” line, but i actually think it really fits so well in establishing that she’s not afraid of joel, not afraid of challenging him or making him own up to things he’s done. it’s just so so cool to me, i just can’t hate her for that????? she’s establishing with him that she knows what tommy knows about his time in the QZ, and she’s letting him know if that joel shows up here in jackson, there will be fucking problems for him. which i think is a completely fair warning????

so let’s continue. let’s talk about The Scene, the one with her and ellie, the one with the “tommy was following joel” line. ONE thing i’d like to point out about this scene—MARIA IS THE ONE TO TELL ELLIE ABOUT SARAH, NOT JOEL. AND THAT IS A BIG BIG BIG REASON FOR WHY SHE WARNS ELLIE NOT TO TRUST JOEL COMPLETELY

we know what joel and ellie have gone through, at this point, but maria has barely any idea. she sees that ellie has this fierce protectiveness and lots of secrets when it comes to her and joel, which like—can we all be fucking objective here for a second. this can SO easily and SO reasonably be interpreted as something sketchy going on between joel and ellie that maria should be concerned about.

(slight tw about older men-younger woman relationships bc im gonna be personal for a sec, its quick) we don’t know maria’s past or what she has seen or been through, but personally as someone who has been in a situation where an older man has taken advantage of my naivety in the past, i am now extremely hyper vigilant when it comes to young girls around older men in my personal life today. ellie and joel’s situation and how it looks would raise MJAOR red flags for me personally, if i was in maria’s position. that’s just a personal perspective have that really affects the way i view this scene (end tw)

and so maria finds out that joel has kept the fact that HE HAD A WHOLE ASS DAUGHTER from ellie?????? WOULD THAT NOT BE SUS AT ALL TO YALL???? i mean we know why joel doesn’t tell ellie, as gameplayers and watchers of the show, but again. maria is operating on the info she has right in front of her, which is that joel has been omitting maybe the biggest fact of his life from this young girl who is willing to defend and trust him with her entire life, even after she finds out she’s being lied to. this is alarming

so at this point, she’s questioning joel’s intentions with ellie, and in my opinion, it’s not at all unreasonable for her to do so. she then continues to press, because the red flags are flying and she wants ellie to be crystal clear on the kind of man she’s traveling with (“there are CLEARLY things you don’t know about joel” — “so then you understand my concerns”)

AND THEN ELLIE. BLESSED SMART AMAZING ELLIE COMES IN WITH THE DEFENSE—“and tommy did it too, are you worried about him?”—which like, i love this line. i love this moment. i think because i go so hard for maria a lot of y’all think i’m blind to when ellie is making points, but i 100% cheered her on when i first watched this scene, like i’m sure y’all did—because it’s true! it’s fair! if maria is going to judge joel for those things, she needs to extend the same judgement to tommy

the thing is, it’s still fucking true that, as i said earlier, tommy left that life. both the smuggling, and the fireflies—he chose to stop, while joel didn’t—he was smuggling literally up until the day him and tess found ellie, so. there’s that. she continues to judge joel and not tommy because she knows for sure that tommy has changed. she doesn’t know joel enough yet to see that he has changed, too

so then, the dreaded line: “tommy was following joel.” let’s talk about it.

i don’t love this line either, tbh! i think it’s a weak defense on maria’s part, and a weak line on the tlou hbo writers part—probably my least favorite line of maria’s overall. but i do get why she says it, and i kind of think i get the purpose??? i think????

it reminds me a lot of joel’s line, earlier, about tommy being a “joiner,” and i think it’s funny that, as opposite as joel and maria like to think they both are to each other, the way they describe tommy is pretty much the same. tommy is a “joiner” to joel and a “follower” to maria, and in all respects they both love and hate him for it. idk where i’m going with that exactly, just something interesting to think about in terms of the joel and maria best friend agenda

but i also think this line get’s taken out of context a lot, because the full line is “tommy was following joel, the way you are now.” maria says this line to lead into her main point, the really fucking important line in this scene: “be careful who you put your faith in. the only ones who can betray us, are the one’s we trust.”

WHICH IS TRUE. IT IS THE POINT. AND WHEN JOEL LIES TO ELLIE, HIDES SOMETHING FROM HER YET AGAIN at the end of the season/game, IT BECOMES A THEMATIC CLIMAX POINT THAT CONNECTS BOTH OF THE GAMES

maria is not saying this to “damn” joel—and i personally don’t think she is “damning” joel in the way you imply here, as there’s definitely potential for them to develop a relationship in s2 once she has more information about the truth of how he thinks of ellie. i think she’s warning ellie not to trust joel, because she doesn’t trust joel, at the end of the fucking day—and that’s about it. she trusts tommy in a way that she can’t quite trust joel yet, and why would she, at this point? it would make no sense for her to

so y’all can blame her and hate her for her distrust all you guys want (btw not necessarily talking to you, anon, ive just gotten some very nasty asks about maria from others so im talking to them rn!!!!!!!), but i’m sorry—you can’t tell me that it doesn’t at least make sense. she’s MARIA. she’s MADE OF SENSE

[magical-agatha]

i have a big complicated thought about myself im trying to capture and crystallise in text. i think for me, using tumblr means ive failed to find a better use of my time. i think tumblr can be fine for other people, tho it definitely has detrimental effects on some ppl. for me tho, since i took that extended break from social media i put an enormous amount of effort into finding more fulfilling and personally productive ways of using the time i used to use to browse tumblr. and i was actually hugely successful. ive made more art recently than ever. I've gotten better at trying new things and pushing myself and self motivation. better at waiting and patience and maybe even at focusing. i feel like ive been tackling my adhd and my tendency to waste time and procrastinate head on and winning dramatically. but the last few days ive been falling apart mentally. i spent like. 3 or 4 hours today staring at my phone and doing unproductive and like, mentally unhelpful things. wasting time. stuff thats harmless for other ppl but harmful for me. im happier when i dont spend hours each day staring at my phone. so i feel like I've failed myself.

the reality is that im in a huge slump. im sick, sleep deprived, and my hormone schedule has been upset. im on a different dose and different kind of hormone and the change is rly hurting me. waiting to see if ill stabilise after a couple weeks, bc this new hormone situation is way way cheaper. if my mental wellbeing doesn't improve in two weeks im switching back to what i was on before bc losing the feeling of triumph and confidence and control and understanding of myself that i had cultivated is a kind of torture and i really dont think i can bear it for very long.

i have been rly stroppy with the ppl around me and i am acutely aware of how out of control and chaotic my emotions are. hoping sleep and time will remedy that problem.

i know that i need to be patient but i am beyond sick of waiting. i was starting to get my life together and it feels like it's slipped out of my hands. i know i can get back to where i was but its not fair that i have to wait and fight and work to pull myself back together again.

i spent years and years with this website being an escape from real life and my primary means of socialisation. so i can't help but see it as a kind of mental trap now. i refuse to scroll listlessly and melt my brain like this again its so incredibly bad for me now.

i should like. delete my blog or log out or something but i cant delete my blog bc archival is a necessity, and i don't want to be excluded from my social circle sharing posts on discord. so idk ill just practice self control.

this is like. purely a me thing. tumblr is bad for me and im not commenting on anyone else pls dont misunderstand.

[cinnaminsvga]

man dont you ever have like, very true romantic feelings towards your anons??? bc that person that wrote The legendary ask of "i wanna explain to you that i love you" owns my whole heart. i literally daydreamed about them More than once, not a day goes by that i dont think about "you created this place zee, and it has a lot of you, and in every bit of that i find peace" i swear to you i will not rest, i will not settle until i find someone that can say with their whole chest that they find peace in me. i am 100% finding this person and making them fall in love with me. i don't know how you haven't wed them yet. i literally shipped you with this anon since the year 2019 like when i read it i was like "omg are they gonna take this to the dms :$" until i realized i was just projecting. anyways, my question: have you ever just, idk, have the urge to kiss an anon on here? maybe hug a bit? but like, in a shojo manga sense?

I MEAN i wouldn’t say “romantic” but i do feel very fond about many of my anons! also, now that you mention that one specific ask, i actually scrolled through my blog to find that specific one (which i had tagged with #best which honestly... good job me from the past lol) and it filled me with the same fond and warm feelings that i had when i first got it. it’s been almost two-ish years and i still can’t believe that anon sent me such a heartfelt message?? like... what did i do to deserve that... bruh moment (more sappy bullshit under the cut bc i talk for approximately ten years)

but no, unfortunately we did not take it to the dms LMAO i don’t even know if that same anon still sends me asks, let alone if they still follow me! very few of my anons ever “reveal” themselves to me, which i totally understand! it’s way easier to send asks like that when you’re veiled behind a layer of anonymity, so i would never ask anyone to come out of hiding if they don’t want to (but my dms are always open! however, during 2019, i think i had them closed because i was getting a lot of... strange dms at the time but ive reopened them since most of those weirdos have up and left). there have been moments when i reminisce on certain asks like that where i wonder “hmm... i wonder who this person is? how do they perceive me now? do i still take up some space in their mind, perhaps a fleeting thought when they’re driving home or taking a break?” 

this is very embarrassing to say, but i have gotten my fair share of asks in that same sort of style, where anons will tell me they love me and appreciate me, and every single time without fail, i will respond with 100% genuine incredulity because 1) i can’t believe anyone would take the time out of their day to send such a nice, well-meaning letter to me of all people and 2) i can’t believe people think kindly of me and enjoy my presence, as simple as that. it’s crazy to think that i have people like that who see my blog and think “i like this person enough to tell them i appreciate their existence” because... well. i don’t get a lot of that in my real life, so it’s always so jarring (but i always appreciate it, without fail.)

but i must say, that anon who sent me that message... they said that “i created this place” when really, that isn’t quite true. i’ve said in the past that i wanted to “create a space that people can enjoy” and honestly, i think my view on that might have changed a little since then. because in reality, spaces only derive their meanings by the people who fill it. so really, this blog is only worth anything due to the people who have supported me along the way. every kind anon who has taken the time out of their day to drop a small message are the exact people who make this space lively and fun. you, anon, are also one of them! without any of you, my blog would just be me shitposting to the void like a fucking crazy person. these interactions are what make cinnaminsvga a welcoming place, and i will never stop being appreciative of how i get to share these moments with all of you. whether you’ve stayed with me for years or if you’ve only started following me a day ago: you all are what makes this “place” feel like home.

so in short, to answer your question (after me rambling for 3403294 years): yes, i do wish i could kiss/hug every single anon who has been kind to me. i hope you find someone like that anon who can say with their whole heart that they find a home in you, because honestly... it’s a good feeling. 

[neshabeingchildish]

Road to Dystopia Pt. 3

@sunbeameyes @kiddangers @bitchmilsky @adorkable-blackgirl @chenoahchantel @daintyurbanprincess @ciara-knightly @famousflowermagazine @imma-sensitive-btch @junknstu1f @grymrayven @supercasperprincesslove-blog 

The author’s notes were cute the first time. Idk if I can recreate it. Smh. Accidentally deleted the first time. I know that I wanted to thank everyone who read, those who reviewed and those who enjoyed this fic. I’m sorry to anybody to didn’t enjoy, or anybody mad that this is the end, because you enjoyed it that much. And now the conclusion.

Goodbye Swellview

Ray was exhausted, but knew that he needed to address the public and also work on damage control for the incidents that Drex created and there no longer was a line to the Man Cave for the concerned citizens. He had to let them know that the system would return soon, that all of the known criminals were locked away, that jobs would be created in order to fix all of the various damages all over the city, from the majestic mountain of Mount Swellview, to the lowly old junk store, caught up in the wake of destruction. He had to assure the parents of at least four missing children that their children were probably going on Goonies-like adventures to try to search for Kid Danger and would each be returned home as soon as they were found… He had a lot of responsibilities to handle that the Kid would’ve smoothed over. So, he would do it for him.

Getting Henry into the new space and immediately tending to his medical needs, Charlotte and Schwoz worked to make sure that he was stable, giving the others instructions whenever they needed, until he was settled. Once he was hooked up to an IV and resting, Charlotte addressed all of his other injuries as he slept, and Schwoz and Piper went to retrieve the helicopter. Jasper wondered, “Is there anything that I can help with?”

“You can keep me company, if you want.”

He smiled, “Just try and get rid of me.” She smiled and continued. Henry had gotten pretty beaten up by Drex before the crash, because she knew that none of these injuries were likely related to that. Those would have been more serious, but these were pretty ugly, still. “Honestly, I may eff around and just blow off Harberd for a minute to roam Dystopia with you,” he said nonchalantly, but when she looked up at him, he seemed completely serious and pretty expectant.

“Well, a lot of people cancelled their flights after Drex attacked Swellview, so I’ll bet there’s an empty seat on mine, if you’re serious.”

He clenched his fists in excitement and wondered, “You’d really take me with you?”

She looked at him like she immediately regretted it, but he could tell that she was purposefully making that face. There was a little smile in her eyes as she furrowed her eyebrows at him. “I can’t believe that we all have superpowers,” Jasper said. Now, her facial expression was genuinely judgmental. “Don’t look at me like that! You said it yourself that I’m a superhero.”

“I said hero,” she corrected.

“Exactly, and now I’ve joined the ranks of the supers, along with Henry and Ray… and I guess you too, with your… roboticizing brain chip, but turning into a robot isn’t really the same thing as having a superpower.”

“I didn’t turn into a robot. The nanotechnology just goes through my body to where it’s needed to make the chip work properly with my brain. The chip isn’t even in my brain, it’s just in my head, and the technology can travel through my blood stream because there is organic material in the…” She saw from his face that he had no idea what she was talking about, so she concluded, “I’m not a robot. I’m still Charlotte, just… like a Super Charlotte.”

“Super Charlotte,” he repeated. She nodded. “But, not a robot.” She nodded. “Can you control other machines?”

“I can… communicate with other technology. Not so much control as to kind of get in tune with them, maybe jump on their network and sometimes hack effortlessly. I’ve still got a lot of testing out to do with this thing.”

“I don’t understand why you don’t just take it out, now. We’ve found Henry. That’s what you told me that you put it in for.” She didn’t respond to that and when she glanced at him she realized that he was waiting for a response. She still didn’t. He continued, “It’s just dangerous and it’s scary.”

“It’ll be really helpful when I get to Dystopia. It’ll be like a computer that nobody can steal from me on the train! You know that I got one of those robot hand gloves for protection? You can like attach it to the sleeve of your coat and it makes for someone stealing out of your hand very difficult. I was gonna wear it AND latch my computer to it while traveling. This is way safer!”

“For your computer, I guess,” he mumbled. She sighed. In too loud of a voice, he asked, “Well, what about that super strength, then? If you aren’t a robot now?” 

Henry’s eyes blinked and she gave Jasper a look. They waited a moment, then she quietly said, “Some years ago, before you were on the team, I was kidnapped and altered to exterminate Ray and Henry.”

“I’ve heard this story. They turned you into a little, tiny Terminator, with a rap song.”

“Right. Well, Schwoz changed the signal and undid the mind control, but apparently there was still some kind of mechanism in me that could still be that way and the cyberchip was able to tap into it because the nanotechnology goes through my bloodstream. Simple explanation.” He opened his mouth and she said, “Still not a robot.”

“But robot enough,” he said. 

She rolled her eyes and touched Henry’s hand, “All set.” Charlotte began to go put away the medical supplies and Jasper kept an eye on her. “This new lair is horribly positioned. It’s out in the open, like… everybody who passes by will be able to see it…” 

“That’s a power move!” Jasper said. “It’s like, Yeah, I’m Captain Man and this is where I be. And what you gonna do about it?” 

She sighed and said, “Captain Man didn’t make the move, but I guess. Of course, that’s awful risky for those of us who are NOT Captain Man. At least with the Man Cave, it was… hidden.” 

Jasper shrugged his shoulders, “Is your assignment in Dystopia gonna be hidden?” It was a fair point. She shook her head, then he looked worried. “What exactly is your charity work? I forgot to ask.”

“Well, I actually told you a few times, but I guess it wasn’t that important to you,” she said, semi playfully. It was really frustrating to have to repeat stuff to her friends because they didn’t care enough about her life to retain anything.

“One more time, please, and I promise it won’t happen again,” Jasper said.

She nodded. He’d been pretty attentive all day, so she believed that promise from him. “In Dystopia, there are a lot of oppressive laws. The charity that I’m going to be working with is one that moves to try to educate little girls, in order to help them to not have to be child brides, or be obtained for human trafficking by Dystopia’s crime lords. There is a base of operations, which is kind of like a camp, and there is a settlement nearby - it has a shelter for some of the girls that they don’t necessarily have the resources to teach, but still have had to rescue from one of the terrible fates that happen to little girls there.”

“It is complete and utter bullshit that I didn’t remember you telling me this!” Jasper said, disgusted with himself.

“Yeah,” she agreed.

“Well… I mean… I’m not good at teaching, so is there other stuff I can do? Like… I don’t know… punch somebody if they try to steal our girls and sell them?”

“Yes, you can do that… OR… You know, you’ve got that fancy camera that I bought you for Christmas last year… You could document some of the conditions to share with the world.” She felt pretty bad for sicking a swarm of moths on him, so she made sure that she got him a really good gift. It killed her guilt whenever he opened it up.

“See? You are really great with ideas!” Jasper cheered. “Man, I’m gonna definitely start listening to you again.”

She was going to ask him when did he ever listen to her, but someone cut into their conversation with, “And what the heck am I gonna do in Dystopia?” Charlotte and Jasper both gasped and rushed to give Henry a triple hug. They both spoke at the same time about how they thought he was dead and they couldn’t believe he was alive, they were so glad, etc. He smiled in their arms and they all stayed there for a long time, eventually quieting down and just… resting, for the first time in the past few days, really.

After they were able to finally let go, Henry noted that Jasper and Charlotte were holding hands. He was just about to ask what was up with that, but each of them took one of his free hands and they sort of… were just chilling, just like that. “Are we friends that hold hands, now?” Henry asked, laughing a little.

“SUPER friends that hold hands!” Jasper corrected him. “We’ve got superpowers! I can fight and speak Spanish, ‘That’s not a-’(Henry tried, but Jasper kept going), Charlotte turns into a robot, ‘Not a robot…’ (She also attempted), and YOU HAVE A FORCEFIELD!”

Henry nodded, “Yeah, I DO have a forcefield… Wait, Charlotte, you turned into a robot? How long was I trapped in that crash site?”

“I am not a robot,” she said. They were quiet for a little bit longer and then she wondered, “Do… do you really wanna come with us to Dystopia?”

“Like he has a choice!” Jasper said.

“He does. He has plenty of choices. He could go to Neighborville as their hero. He could stay in Swellview with Ray and help him with the fallout of what happened. He could resign from hero life, hide his power and finish his high school education…” She listed.

Henry nodded at all of those unsavory ideas. Well, they were okay, but… they would include him being too far away from his two best friends, who he didn’t even want to leave before he had a severely traumatic near death experience. “Yeah… But… What could I do in Dystopia?” He asked her. He and Jasper looked at her attentively, actually waiting for her advice.

“You… could… work on your GED online, or even probably sit in on some higher level classes at the charity base, work in the community garden, maybe even do security for the shelter… You could… be a hero there. Rebrand yourself and become a new hero and a new kind of hope for Dystopia…”

“Can… I do all of that, or I gotta choose one? Because the community garden sounds awesome, but I feel like with a superpower, I should probably say that last one, or at least security…”

“You can do whatever you want, Henry. You’ll have backup,” she said and she and Jasper smiled at each other and then at him.

“I want to take a shower. I am super musty.” They all acknowledged the same. Nobody had washed up. But, also… Nobody knew where a shower might be in this place, either. 

.

After they found it, Charlotte told them that they could go first, she was going to try to get them something to change into. She’d seen the gumball maker and she knew how to work it. Hell, she knew how to make an Omega weapon.. She looked up and Jasper was in the doorway while Henry showered, but keeping an eye on her. “Jasper, what are you…?”

“I’m just… leery about leaving either of you alone right now. Is that dumb?” he asked.

She shook her head. It wasn’t. She got it. 

.

Captain Man announced that Kid Danger died saving a baby hospital, and if Henry wanted to remain a hero, he could always just be someone else. He had a different power, and everything. But… also… He knew that Henry didn’t want to stick around. While he was out working on getting the city calmed down, Schwoz made sure that the kids got home. And, he didn’t really hear from them while they were recovering. He could guess why.

To keep up appearances, they kept their social media active. Charlotte and Jasper replaced their phones and were posting hella photos of them mourning Kid Danger, but grateful for the chance to graduate and move on. Henry was with Piper a lot, showing up in her social media - mostly because SHE was so grateful that he actually wasn’t dead, but she was never going to admit that. Instead, she said stuff like, “Spending my last Swellview days with my biggest fan, my reckless brother” or some other version. “This idiot” and so on. 

But, they were together, mostly. Piper had several graduation parties to attend and was requested at every Kid Danger memorial, as President of the Man Fans, so whenever she did those things, she left Henry at Charlotte’s. Jasper had only been home to grab his things and spent the rest of the time there, too. Charlotte was working on building a portable gumball maker, because it would be so much easier for them if they DIDN’T have to pack a lot of clothes, and also, Henry would need something for hero stuff. Then, Jasper wondered if she could make him something for hero stuff too, “Since I have superpowers now,” he said. She put it on her list. 

Henry came in while she was working on that and Jasper was playing on his phone with his head in her lap. “Yo, yo, yiggety yo yo yo!” Henry cheered. 

Jasper gasped and said, “BOOK CHECK!” He picked up one of Charlotte’s books from the workstation and threw it at Henry, who reflexively and defensively blocked it with a forcefield. “Amazing,” Jasper observed.

While Charlotte yelled, “Hey!” Because he threw one of her books. Henry picked it up and set it back where it went. “Hey, how are you, Hen?” Charlotte asked.

“Not as good as Jasper, with the best seat in the house,” he teased, then took his own seat, next to Jasper and leaned back onto Charlotte’s lap, as well. 

“I’m not furniture,” she reminded them.

“We’re idiot doggies. We don’t know the difference,” Henry said. She rolled her eyes and continued working. “Are we sitting together at the city wide service?” 

“Don’t you think you should sit with your family, after what happened to you and what almost happened to you?” Charlotte asked.

“You… two… are my family,” Henry said. Jasper reached over and took his hand. Charlotte strummed his hair. They continued with their plan of action for attending the service and making it to the airport…

.

Henry was confused whenever the bird hurt itself flying into him, but that was short lived. It was short lived, because the moment that he saw the blimp connecting with the mountain, and he watched in slow motion as what he believed to be his last few moments alive took place, he wished for something else. He tried to focus on why he did this. It was because he loved Ray, but also… because Swellview did need Captain Man. But Kid Danger? 

Swellview couldn’t have needed him. His friends didn’t even need him. They had planned futures. They had decided to move on without him. But… Charlotte’s last cry. Hearing her scream his name, then all of the noise of the Man Cave crumbling… Did they make it out? Would they be free to leave Swellview? Would they… still want to… after this? Because the fire, the wreckage and the explosions that he was witnessing… there was no way that he was going to be alive for much longer. He jumped off of the blimp, hoping that at least if he wasn’t incinerated in the explosion, they would have something to confirm what happened to him. The babies were safe, so he no longer had to steer the blimp. A Swellview block was safe. Swellview was safe, thanks to him. Ray was safe. Knowing how dedicated Jasper was to doing what he said, Jasper and Charlotte were safe. He could die, knowing that the people that he loved were able to live on. 

Whenever he landed, back first, he braced himself, but he bounced, then stopped moving. Was it so painful that he couldn’t feel it? Was it so bad that he had dissociated? He checked himself. He was still glowing green and he appeared unharmed… But… wreckage from the mountain and the blimp soon came tumbling down and he braced himself yet again to be killed… He wasn’t, though. Just… trapped. “Okay, so it’s slow starvation instead of instantaneous impact or at least a torturous few moments of burning?” He sighed and tried to shove the flaming wreckage off of himself. Not only was it not working, but more and more kept falling onto him. “Or suffocation?” He said, noting that it was very difficult to breathe under all of this. He started to try to see if this… protective glow could maybe push off some of this stuff like it deflected that bird and like it padded his fall. He was able to get himself a little more breathing room, but he was pretty buried. All that was left to do now was wait - either for this forcefield to fail and these rocks to crush him to death, to succumb to hunger, or maybe something else horrific could happen. 

He tried to see if his phone was still on him. Maybe he could call someone. Maybe he could call Charlotte or Jasper… He recalled her voice screaming his name as presumably, she got out of the Man Cave? But… what if she didn’t? What if she and Jasper only made it as far as the elevator and everything collapsed, making it plunge right back down into the explosions? He shouldn’t think like that! He should try to have some hope… But… that was enough to scare him away from trying to call either of them. He tried to press the buttons by memory. Maybe he could contact Piper. She was out of dodge, so she was definitely safe and sound, somewhere… But his phone must’ve had bad coverage, because nothing happened. No connection… He was on his own, just the way that he figured he’d be whenever Team Danger left him in Swellview. “I’m gonna die here, in this place,” he announced miserably, to himself. “Alone…” He whispered and shut his eyes. Nobody was around, so it was okay for him to cry. 

Time was lost on him. He almost passed out a few times, but immediately jumped awake whenever he felt the force field slip and the wreckage get heavier against him. His jump scare wake ups always push it out a little more, but not enough to free himself. 

He thought about Jasper. The way he used to always try to be affectionate and it would make Henry slightly uncomfortable and try to avoid him for a moment… If he had Jasper here right now, he would hug him so tightly and apologize and tell him that he loved him and kiss him right on the lips. As friends, or whatever. It didn’t matter. He didn’t tell Jasper how much he appreciated him and his love and now, he was going to die alone and Jasper was going to maybe light a candle before he left for college, hopefully mourn accordingly and then move on with his life. 

Charlotte… she was gonna go… what was she doing out there? Dystopia… was she working in one of their food deserts? If he had Charlotte here right now, he’d tell her to start from the beginning and tell him EVERYTHING on her mind. He wouldn’t cut her off, or tune her out, or make fun of her for how boring or nerdy whatever she was talking about was… Had he been that person? A person that doesn’t show his friends that he cared? A person who didn’t let his best friend love him? Didn’t listen to his other best friend? Would they even care to lose him? Kid Danger, sure… but… had he been a good enough Henry to them? 

His brain was exhausted. His muscles hurt from the strain of staying alive inside of that force field, and his heart was broken by all of the regrets of being the kind of friend that friends and even his sister could just move on and leave behind. Maybe they were somewhere beating themselves up too. I mean… they WERE just gonna graduate and leave me… He felt bad for even thinking that way about them. They shouldn’t put their lives on hold just because HE had wasted his, and now, he had sacrificed it. He was probably always meant to be here. To fall, a hero, but die alone. He hated his mindset right now. He had been so sure whenever he sent Ray away. He had been so sure when the babies were safe. But, now, in this aftermath… He just wanted the death he deserved, a hero’s death… not this hell that he was putting himself through while he fought to stay alive, for what? Because starving, dehydration, and exhaustion were better than rock crushing?

.

He heard helicopters nearby and he tried to move. Maybe if he shifted a rock and knocked some down, they’d at least check this pile of rubbish. Rubbish? Weird. I must be delirious… One thing he wasn’t… moving those rocks. And it was hours before they began to move. He was about ready to throw in the towel. He was so out of it, he could’ve sworn that he heard Ray’s voice ask where he was. He answered. He’d been talking to himself and his ghosts all of this time. Might as well continue… Then, the rocks began to move and he saw their faces. Charlotte and Jasper! FINALLY. The death he deserved. Peaceful, with images that brought him joy and not anguish. He dropped the forcefield and he let himself find rest.

He hadn’t expected to wake up to find them there. He hadn’t expected to wake up at all, but he heard chatter about Dystopia and he knew those voices and he simply followed them until he was conscious again… and there they were - his friends. His loves. Of course, he wanted to be with them. He never wanted to have to be alone again, hero or not…

.

After a little bit, it became clear that they were going to have to do a little more than just help and watch after the girls in the program - people were always in need of help in Dystopia. They would wake up in the morning. Charlotte, wrapped up in two dudes and squirm her way out of them. She got better and better at putting their arms on each other so that she could stretch and have some tea before they got up. If Henry woke up first, he left a paper flower that he folded and a note that he went for a jog - he could do that, because he had a force field. Whenever Jasper woke up first, he would either stay where he was until somebody else got up, just cuddled up and watching them sleep.

No matter the order, they got up, took the train to the base. Charlotte taught classes, Jasper took photos and did maintenance work, and Henry helped with the community garden and security. 

Any time that there was an alert for them to spring into action, Jasper and Henry were able to go more easily than she was, but the times when she DID get to go, those criminals had better watch out. She had a tap on mask programmed into her cyberchip, so she didn’t need to blow a bubble… she wasn’t big on gum, anyway, and she made sure that she kept Henry and Jasper’s gum supplied. Jasper needed two, they soon found out, after watching him be thrown around like a ragdoll, because he had not been able to sleep as easily with a pill. Charlotte’s sleeping gum recipe though? Put him right out and he was up and fighting in no time. 

Henry had a hero complex with them. He still jumped in front of them and potential danger with his force fields, despite that they probably would be fine 9 times out of 10 if he hadn’t. He still asked Charlotte if she was going to go back to the base. He still felt like he was the one who had to protect them, sometimes. They were slowly getting him out of that habit every time they had to get out there and fight. Charlotte with her extensive gifts from the cyberchip. Jasper with his unique fighting style. And now, for however long they wanted to, the three of them would be as close… no… they were definitely already closer, than he and Ray had been when they were a team. Things worked out just as they were meant to! He wasn’t going to die alone. He smiled to himself as he popped the gumball into his mouth and rushed to catch up with his friends.

[haeroniel-doliet]

a bonus thought post for the night!!

on that nostalgia raising feelings train but it derails so it got long so its under a readmore :*

scrolling my old art made me a bit sad and nostalgic (who doesnt get those feelings though doing the same) specifically i really have my heart going out to kid me who got basically no notes on anything. (im not saying i shouldve, art was definitely kid art and questionably tagged etc!) but some i put effort into and it made me so happy to get those 10 likes or whatever. it made me post post and post even what i was working on and unfinished bits (Sure, being me? many of those never got finished bc posting gave the hit of reward chemicals, no response meant no motivation to finish to get more yknow?)

its weird thinking ive now as an adult got a handful of posts with -hundreds- of notes. one over a thousand!! (sure, the really good and popular artists may have thousands but hey they deserve it!!) its weird that i sort of maybe now know what to do to get a reaction out of my prefered niche of the internet. that if i tried w some more consistently, who knows?

im proud of everything in my current art tag. (mostly. no. i am proud shut up brain) i feel slightly like posting more wips. bc i have a ton. surprisingly? ive been drawing way more in the past year than ive been posting (new for me). of course, there is no obligation to post it. why post stuff im not happy with? only to get anxious abt it? sure posting that one teaser when i was actively working on making it better was kinda fun. sure maybe posting some wips would make me go back and finish them bc some of them are good ideas?? but also some are just. theyd make sense to nobody but myself. and why should i share every crevice of my creativity like i used to as an attention craving kid?

my blog is my blog its me, its not a nice art blog its got all my vents and whatever i like to reblog on a given day on it all together. i could make a new tag that feels less like a portfolio to post wips i abandoned or doodles that never went further. it might be nice having them out here. but somehow i feel like id be too embarassed to post them, for my few followers to actually see them. what if i actually tagged them and ppl in tags saw my nonsense doodles? is it worth it? right now my art tag feels like its: dinluke and finished at that ONLY. things that people who come on my blog would like to see perhaps...

hahahhahahha i just crashed my Krita trying to with brash abandon look at all the unposted wips i have at once

turns out i have like. a handful of original works that never got past a rough doodle stage which is fair yknow they were just ideas that could be fleshed out but dont need to. some of them are very personal vent art

ive got a few sketch to tiny doodle to questionable attempt at painting etc bits of the star wars ladies. reminds me that i should branch out in my star wars posting and that drawing women is just way easier and more natural to me why dont i do it more?

ive got a good few fic inspired sketches that never got legs and tbf? theyre olddd now.

ive got like 12 frames of the inktober challenge from last year... in the style of posting 5 at a time, theyve all been sketched out and like half are i think finished. obviously october went long and at some point it just felt weird to post them even if i finished them. i sort of decided if i finish them up early autumn i could get away w posting them for beginning of october while i had a try at the new inktober? idk why i like a challenge to force me to draw more than i do in a year. and then it takes me a year lol. i have a set of 5 that are all inspired by fic, and like. i still like the idea of them. unfortunately? some of the references were old..  A YEAR AGO. sure theres like, the appreciation for vintage and telling ppl we like their work ages on. but i worry the authors no longer are in the fandom or want to be reminded of their work? etc etc. some of them are meh, some i like.

ngl i am especailly happy w my oct 31 post, which i really wish id finished on time for last year. heres to seeing if i post it this year? maybe i’ll finish what i want to finish of them (theres like. 2 im just really not inspired for and never was) and then have a wee collage of them to post, w the oct 31 prompt seperate, as a sort of. hey wip clear out! these are the stragglers from last year :))

maybe ill post original art one day when i get drawn enough to finish one.

ok ok hi welcome indepth to my thought process, bonus thoughts for every thought included. this doesnt need to be on the internet SURE but its a small time capsule for myself ok?

i dont think right now making a doodle tag to post wips is gonna bring me anything but anxiety and feelings of inadequacy i know too well from posting art as a teen. maybe at some point itll help break the barrier and ill just. post shit but it doesnt have to be on my ““portfolio tag”“

i could pick up an wip to finish now, ive got a good few candidates. but i think i should best just, shake off the cobwebs on smth new so i dont feel like im ruining it. it might be a rey or a leia or other star wars heroine portrait. it might be grogu bc hes an already ugly gremlin. it might be something else. i might be talking a high load of shit bc its 3 am again and i should go sleep rather than push myself in delirium. odds are tomorrow im exhausted again, feel like i should do things that actually benefit me in my life and address responsibilites, and shut down under the weight of the thought of it and not do anything until i go crazy at night again? time will tell but rn im stuck in that loop.

perhaps i should never have posted this bc its very long and personal but also? i kinda doubt anyone will read it and thats ok :)) if you are here, hi sorry that you know me better now! uhhh thoughts on the above?

[briteboy]

okay i’m gonna be real with you. i have...a LOT...of messages. going as far back as like...january? probably? i know...i’m so bad...don’t crucify me. i tried to get through all of them but there were a lot that i didn’t have a worthwhile reply for so i’m sorry if i didn’t answer something you sent :{

so here we have: a lot of nice things, a lot of santisms, reactions to the lou and cillian punchout, a few responses to my portfolio and other stuffs...i wanted to put astrology asks in at the end but it’s...a lot more than i thought it was and it’s 3 am so i’d rather die than answer all of those LMAO sorry. i’ll get to it next time

Anonymous said:

u can delete the snorting cum asks but it will still follow you for eternity

okay so I saw the ask about snorting cum and it reminded me of a time that cum came out of my nose. It was gross but my boyfriend and I laughed it off. idk. I thought it would be a funny thing to share!! i'd understand if you didn't want this on your blog!! (maybe it makes you laugh!!)

wELL. WE’RE OFF TO A GOOD START HERE. i’m screaming at this...i hope nothing EVER comes out of my nose ever in life...i hate this but ur right it did make me laugh

(Winry anon again) Also, did you get her name from FMA Winry Rockbell because if so I love it

hehe...yes...

hornybodies

this is what bartsim calls me and i hate her for it

whats the truth bitch

I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THIS IS ABOUT BUT I’M LAUGHIGN

i never realised how much i actually missed santi but now im CRYING AND I WANT HIM BACK IN EVERY SINGLE POST WITH LOU BY HIS SIDE LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER PLEASE

I missed santirat's beautiful face there are literal tears rn

me too...i hate that i miss him so much it’s so freaking dumb...i haven’t cried to my own story in a while but i bet i’m gonna once santi’s comeback rolls around. i’m already bracing myself

nvm u can have the lovely rat back, that way my heart wouldn’t be hurting like it is now

honestly yeah that’s fair

Been silently following your blog and though I'm more of a "ghost"(? What does that even mean¿) follower, I can't help but express just how chocked I am to see Santi again OMG. Gutted Lou has had a flashback, she does not deserve this. :'(

hello casper the friendly ghost...i love having santi pop up with surprise flashbacks hehe...ur right though she DOES NOT NEED THIS in her life, but it will get better for her soon do not fret my ghoulish friend

I need more pics of Lou and Santi together I’m not satisfied, thankssss

ELI AND MIYU GETTING SO EXCIted WHEN LOU TOLD THEM SHE LIKES GIRLS MY HEART :’)

HEHEH i love it cause that’s literally how my friends and i act, it was fun to write in a scene :~} i’m glad you liked it :’}}

Yeah when I cut my hair short everyone assumed I liked girls I found it kind of odd, but I didn't care too much. It mostly just made me end up realizing all the shit lgbt people go through, one time a guy literally went up to me and my friend, my bff who no one really knew was a lesbian was terrified because he said "oh dont worry lesbians are hot, but gay guys are just disgusting" it ended up he was talking to me, i just rolled up a piece of paper as tight as I could and smacked him on the head

EWW first of all that guy can take his weird fetishization and homophobia elsewhere thanks...i’m glad you threw a paper ball at him LMAO. but yeah on one hand, coming from ignorant/straight people it’s like “uhhhh why would you assume that about me”, within the lgbt community it’s like...common ground...an inside joke...i guess? so it’s weird. the link between hair, clothes and sexuality is can definitely be harmful in certain circumstances

fiona is my spirit animal and i love her ok thanks for coming to my TED Talk

that was illuminating thank you

i re-read santis story and i s2g i've read it so many times idk, but like its so easy to read i dont mean like emotionally but it flows really well. and like its not too confusing i hate when people make overly convoluted stories in an excuse for being deep its some good shit good job my dude

AKJSDKGKSJD THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i never expected anyone to read it oNCE let alone REPEATEDLY...that really makes me so happy though because it’s definitely something you have to go back and read to catch all the details. ahhhhh thank you so much, i never ever want my story to be too complicated so i’m glad you don’t think it is!!

im crying because your recent post reminds me so much of my relationship with my mom when i was younger... she was always out of a job and sometimes we had to resort to living with other family members, it was all really hard on her and especially with having a kid she had to take care of at the same time. even though these are fictional characters, it’s comforting to know that other people have gone through the same situations i have. i love fiona and lou so much, they’re my heart and soul <3

OMG ;_________; i’m crying i’m so glad it resonates with you...i had a lot of friends growing up who were in similar situations and i think i kinda based lou and fi’s relationship on that, so you’re definitely not alone <33 i’m so glad you love them i love u

basically what I’ve learned from these asks is that Gianni is a perfect god-like human and I want one

he is. one time an anon told me they were like santi but they wanted to be rooney and i was like “i’m both santi and rooney on different days and i want to be gianni.” now u know why

hi, i just wanted to pop in and say that i really, really love your blog and i admire your editing skills SO much, i think you are EXTREMELY talented and i don't think you get told that enough. i've been following you for awhile now and i am in love with ALL of your stories, characters and edits you've put out! you're really an inspiration to me and i hope someday my edits can turn out as good as yours!! i don't have reshade so it's harder for me, but i'm trying to learn!! ok have a good day :-)

OMFG ;-; I DO GET TOLD IT A LOT AND IT STILL SEEMS FAKE...you don’t have to go out of your way to compliment me ;___; but thank you so so so much i’m crying...it makes me so giddy that i might inspire someone like WHAT...i don’t even know what i’m doing half the time i edit so u will definitely be able to catch up to me one day even if you don’t have reshade, i know it. i edited without reshade for like 2 and a half years on this blog so you can do it i promise!! have a good day/night/life i love u

fuck my succ

I'm in need of some giannti in my life

we all need some gianti in our lives

Hey! I just wanted to say that ur an amazing writer. You portray everything so well, it’s insane. I want to be a writer someday and I hope my writing is at least somewhat close to yours. Have an awesome day my dude💕

WOW I’M CRYING...i still have a lot of room to grow and so do you, i hope you are able to become the writer you want to be :’} and thank you so much for the wonderful compliment i’m emo have a great day as well

aver is my queen, confirmed.

avey is everyone’s queen confirmed

oksy but listen, look up the model Charlotte Ray Spencer

i did but i couldn’t find her?? all that came up was ray spencer obituaries in charlotte, SC LMFAO...charlotte spencer is an actress tho it seems, is that...who...? omfg

MAY I JUST OFFER THIS NEW SONG OF THE NEIGHBOURHOOD CALLED VOID BC I HAVE A FEELING SANTI WOULD LOVE IT (it's also meant for my aggressive sadboi oc)

OH I LOVE THIS IT FITS PERFECTLY WITH THE PLAYLIST I’M MAKING FOR THE NEW ERA OF SANTI...THANK YOU I’M TOTALLY ADDING IT

I had a ectopic pregnancy when I was seventeen but I feel like I got off lightly compared to Molly. Your story is so beautiful in so many ways, I think it’s incredible how much character development you’ve managed to pull off honestly I’m amazed. Thank you ❤️

omg ;_______; i don’t even know what to say to this, but it means so much to me i can’t even put it into words. thank you thank you thank you so much, and i’m so sorry you had to go through that as well. molly was an extreme case and i hope no one has to go through what she went through. i’m glad you’re okay now, and thank you so much for reaching out to me and reading my story at all ;-; <3333

just a heads up: the links button on your ccfinds blog goes to the femmefinds url still

oh yeah i know i’m gonna be real with you...i’m too lazy to fix it lmAO

Luv your stick n poke tats u posted!!! Could u do more? Maybe on diff places on the bod?? Ur so talented. Xx

omg that was FOREVER ago...maaaaaybe in the future...we shall see...but thank you <33

Can u do a family portrait for all ur characters like u did w Lou!!!

oooooh hehe i probably will in the future!!

Kill v maim is one of my favorite songs of all time omg it makes me wanna wear ripped jeans and a leather jacket and cover myself in glitter and smash some windows with a baseball bat MMMMMM

HELL yeah me too...i become a cyber punk alien vampire when i hear that song

maybe do a casting call posted here ? u have many followers and im sure a good chunk live in ur area and would be willing to model ^_^

omg SCARY...i probably could tho tbh that’s a good idea, thank you!

hi sunny, what program do you use to merge your cc and what do you use to detect and remove broken cc that just doesn't work in game anymore? thanks!

i actually haven’t merged on my new laptop yet but i used s4s for merging and there’s the mod conflict detector!!

My game hasn't been working since the first Cats and Dogs patch but I uninstalled and reinstalled and it finally works again 😭

sunny!! would you recommend your computer to play ts4 on? has it good graphics, can handle the highest settings and so? i really need a new computer but i have no idea which one to go for

yes i would recommend it!! i have reshade, ultra settings and like 8 gb of cc.

thanks for answering my ask eee ur story is probably the best ive read on here and yeah. i love how everything connects and everyones just so real. you dont have to post this i just wanted to thank you for being my inspiration and making me smile, laugh, cry, and scream in the middle of the night with your characters.

I LOVE U...it still sounds so fake to me when people say i inspire them, i don’t even know how to respond to all this ;-; just thank you for sparing a glance my way and resonating with my creations. <3 we scream and cry 2gether

I listened to Separator by Radiohead on repeat whilst reading Santi’s story and now that song just reminds me of him and Lou. I’d totally suggest listening to it’s so good! As is your story :3 xxx

oh radiohead that’s good sh*t...i’m listening to it now and i feel the santou vibes...especially when santi’s feeling out of his mind and she’s the only one who can calm him...haha cool..anyways THANK YOU!!!!

how do you make poses for the roof? i'm not sure how i can know if the sims will clip into the roof or float

honestly i just...eyeball it...because all roofs are different and you can’t put them into blender so. i just winged it lmao...i just made a pose that looked like it could’ve been lou climbing out the window, only the rig was still ground level, and then i used alt + 9 to lift the teleporter onto the roof as best as i could. that’s why it probably wouldn’t be a very practical pose to release, because i have no way of making it easy to use 

Lou punched him and I knew it would happen. 😀👌 nice, nice I like Lou whopping ass.

hehe i’m glad you enjoyed it...who knew she had a freaking hook like that

ok a theory... santi went to look for molly's mother and yea

omg tell me cillian sings every other freckle at some point

OMFG well...that song came out in 2013 and the current flashback year is 2008 so. i would personally murder cillian myself if he was still in lou’s life 5 years after this honestly

hey kitty girl! i was wondering if you could answer this teensy lil question i got. im writing a "story" anddd i was trying to figure out how to make some parts not cliche. like i hate reading about whatever and being like girll ive done seen this before so i just needs to know. kisses

i absolutely love how this is worded and the fact that u called me kitty, very cute. anyway...this is pretty broad, perhaps you could clarify what kinda cliches you want to steer clear from? a lot of the time when i know something is gonna be cliche and there’s no avoiding it, i just kinda own up to it and try to subtly point out how cliche it is and somehow that makes it work out better...like being self aware somehow adds another more realistic element to the story that makes it better? idk...anyway dm me if you need help!!

so.... lou can remember more of what happened? this is good! go 2 the police bitch! tell them!!!!!!!

she should!! but the only problem is she doesn’t have proof. so... 🤔

how do you write your stories in a way that everything is organized and you're certain and not confused with everything? i mean, do you have any way for writing that let you develop your stories with not so much difficults? i'm trying to write an story for months but i only have a few of the most important events on my mind, i don't know how to develop another important details, i always feel that everything is confuse or crap

hmmmmm well my mind is very ah convoluted so it’s a wonder any of this comes out even somewhat cohesive? but basically i have a very good memory and utilize google docs a lot hahaha. i’ve gone in depth about my writing process here!

whats a good way when it comes to starting a sims story? i mean like the first post? :/

ummmmmm maybe test the waters a bit and just make a post introducing your character(s) first? or dive right in and get sh*t started. it could go either way tbh

boyish by japanese breakfast is a santixlou bop

oh sh*t!!!!!! i love japanese breakfast!! and i love this thank you!

So is lou like into cillian in a way? Making him kinda be in her type

as of right now (in the flashbacks)? HELL fucking no. but you’re right, she did say those things in the future to santi. so 🤔

Everyone guessing shit stupidly annoys me haha. I'M UNOBSERVANT AND I DON'T WANNA GO BACK AND CHECK SHIT, LET ME LIVE. *Like* if you a ~dum~ reader who doesn't want every bit of foreshadowing called out. lol

i respect this honestly whenever i drop the hottest foreshadowing of 2018 i never expect my inbox to flood like it does but here we are and i am amazed

CILLIAN NEEDS TO FUCKING FIGHT ME (TYPING THIS ON MY COMPUTER BC I SAW HIS DINOSAUR ASS AND CHUCKED MY PHONE OUT THE WINDOW)

i’m screaming...i’m so sorry it’s my fault about your phone but like also i’m poor i can’t pay for that

i'm studying your latest posts because they're beautiful and my hatred for that long necked bitch is intensifying -- what makes me burn even more is that he's still wearing her necklace, can we say let the bitch burn?

burn babey burn

Why don't you use quick tags?

i’m dumb is why

CILLIAN IS SUCH A SHITASS I HATE HIS FACE WHY R U DOING THIS TO ME

BRUHHHHH THE DINOSAUR LOOKIN ASS BOY IS B A C K run

WAIT THE NECKLACE. HE STOLE THE MCFUCKING NECKLACE BROOOOO

What if Fi's blue eyes are from... Cillian..?

wHY did you have to make him cute and fucking cool though? I still hate him but it's harder.

NVM I JUST LOOKED AT THE POST AGAIN HES WEARING HER NECKLACE INHOPE SHE CHOKES HIMS WOTH IT THIS TIME

I SCREAMED AT THIS SERIES OF QUESTIONS OISDFNGJKDSKJN yeah sorry he’s conventionally attractive but unsettlingly so and i feel uneasy when i look at him and plus the fact that he’s literally evil so .

im like, to 90% sure that cillian is in ace joker. so that song might have reminded lou of him...

this was sent right after that scene of lou hearing the song at pippin’s, so

My conspiracy theory is that cillian is Lou's father. Speakimg of which are we gonna get to that soon, I'm dying of curiosity;.;

I’M LAUGHING I THINK U MEANT FIONA’S FATHER AKSJDKJGDSJ but yeah well. You’ll See

what do u resize ur photos to?

whatever 33% of 1920x1080 is i forget. i have a resizing + sharpening action so i just run that

im about to kill those kids if they keep fucking with my baby

THESE BITCHES BULLYING MY BABY LOU? CATCH THESE HANDS

me @ these ugly kids:

Who are the best creators for mens clothing? I struggle so much to find good cc creators with men specifically!

badabing badaboom

I’m not sure if you’ve converted things before but do you know any good sims 3 cc to sims 4 tutorials? Or your followers?

errrrrr i have no idea i’m sorry :x

would you consider making like a photoshop psd file with all the layers in your editing process?

omg...heck no it would be so unhelpful OMFG mostly because my editing is just my own action + shading and highlighting unique to that pic

would you ever do an editing timlapse of your gameplay pics? 💖💖

ahhhhh maybe!! probably in the future!

OMG HEATHERS WAS FILMED AT MY HIGH SCHOOL AND IM JUST HYPED UP SEEING IT BEING MENTIONED ON THIS ACCOUNT!!

OMFG THAT’S RAD...i’ve literally only seen it once tho i’m fake

I'M SHOOK. my friend kinda asked me out and I wanna say yes but my parents won't let me date. I'm 18! I need your advice! -signed 18 and alone anon

um UR 18 BUDDY UR AN ADULT...DATE WHOEVER THE F*CK U WANT HONESTLY

Can you pretty please link some photoshop tutorials you recommend? I really want to make my photos more cinematic and like your's without totally copying you or someone else. All I do right now is sharpen, color balance, and add some noise and then resize. I really need some more ways to get better looking photos such as yours.

ahhhhh the problem is i don’t know of any i’m sorry...lmao this is totally unhelpful :\ i have my own editing tutorial which is outdated but can probably help you out with the basics of lighting effects and shading n stuff?

Heyyy, I saw that you answered a question about making a ps action like your reshade, and I just wanted to say that I would love that! Unfortunately Mac users like me, can’t use reshade unless boot camping Windows onto our computers...☹️ and your reshade is just soooo pretty...

i don’t know if i’ll be able to replicate the reshade effect totally but i could release the action i’ve made for myself? it warms up screenshots but is totally adjustable to your liking for different color tones so in that way it’s kinda similar to the reshade. i’ll seeeeee what i can do...i know the woes of mac users all too well, my friend

i just wanna give lou a big ol cozy hug :o((( pls

pls hug her she needs it.

Do you post on tumblr from your phome or from your computer? Just curious.

mostly from my computer, sometimes i answer messages on my phone while i’m out and you can tell because autocorrect actually makes me use proper capitalization for once in my life

how many hours have you played the sims? for me i have 4,070 hours. haha help

OMFG i think mine is like...900 or something...i can’t tell if that’s too much or too little, but it’s definitely inaccurate

if i could only look at one person's tumblr from now on it would be yours. ur literally the queen of tumblr #shookaf and also i really hope i die before you ever say ur leaving tumblr cause when u do, i will legit die and bury my own grave. i really appreciate u and hope one day i can be on ur level but rn im at level 1.5 while ur up in the millions :D

I’M SCREAMING PLEASE I AM A PLEB.............i cry u flatter me too much ;-; i genuinely hope i never leave this place because it’s been so fun and it’s helped me evolve so much as an artist and a writer, plus i made some of my greatest friends on here. so i hope that day never comes!! but who knows life is wild. anyway i’m sure you’re actually like at level 578 and are just being modest. it’s okay you don’t have to be humble

i think its so cool that you and wanderlust and other simmers use multiple worlds to make your own town and stuff. idk why but thats just so cool to me and i would have never thought of it. love your blog and story <3

omg!!! well i couldn’t resist, i love a bunch of them and can’t limit myself to just one ya know. plus the more i thought about it, the more my gen 2 story kinda centers around these kids from this one town and the town itself is very relevant. so i felt like i had to make my own!! and i’m very excited to get started with that hehe

I just met a guy named Rodrigo Santiago and I sCREAMED HOLY SHIT

Update (tho idk of you got the first one): I just got a text from a classmate named Rodrigo Santiago. I'm sCREECHING

no freaking way. there’s no way i don’t believe...i want proof...

YOU SO FUCKIN PRECIOUS WHEN U SMILE

dont worry about posting this or do idc but i just wanted to say you should write about whatever you want and not care about whether people think you condone it or not. if i (a gay male) were to write about lesbians its not like im saying YOU HAVE TO BE LESBIANS BLAH BLAH BLAH you know what i mean? or if im writing about a robbery doesnt mean im like condoning robbery so like idk you do you boo and keep it coming ;D ilysm btw

OMFG no yeah i get it, i mean i think now especially in this online environment, people are hyper aware of Problematique things and so they’re a little too quick to point fingers without looking deeper than the surface. and whatever it’s fine people are always gonna be like that because people are mostly inherently judgmental, especially when it comes to consuming media. artists/writers face stuff like this all the time because people refuse to look past the surface, hence why works have gotten misconstrued all the time. but yeah i really appreciate this sentiment, thank u i love u

hope this isnt a weird question but what is the image size that u used for your character page?? thnk u 💕

omg it’s 300x300

have u listened to visions of gideon by sufjan stevens i was listening to it while reading ur stories and it made me so :(

oh my boy sufjan aka gianni’s personality claim i love him...and this song is :{ but i love even if it’s from the nasty age gap peach fucking movie

If i was married to Jamie and he treatin’ our daughter like that… oh I swear HES GOT TO GO!

it’s 2 am i’m so tired answering all of these i forgot who jaime was for a sec i was like um why are we talking about GoT anyways good night

how does alpha hair work with reshade? it seems so good in your screenshots and i’ve seen that in others screenshots it looks bad? whats the secret?

well good morning haha jk i never went to sleep anyway here u go

hooow do you make adorable toddlers in ts4?? teach me, gimme some advice please :(((

chubby cheeks! big eyes! small faces! little but plump lips! a good skin! dats all

how did u get ur sim onto the fire escapes?

ze teleporter mod, that’s it

I snickered at the, THE RETURN OF SANTI. Like I imagine it written in red horror lettering and santi just busts down the door and says ho ho ho im back bench, Did U miss me?

honestly i own a calendar and if i knew a definite date u already fucking kNOW it would be up there

ahhh im sorry for asking but im wondering how you find voice claims?? i'm looking for some for my sims, but it's tough to find one that's *right*, you know?? and your voice claims are great!! thank you <3

OMG voice claims are HARD, i literally just like “collect” them over time...i have a list in my phone of voices i like/may use in the future lmao, but try to think of actors or musicians and search interviews/movie or tv scenes with them speaking!!

i don't even read your story but i still follow you because i love your personality, sim style and just your whole entire tumblr

u follow me for ME? UM...what are u doing here...i’m so sorry (i love u...)

do you have a different reshade preset for flashback screenshots and for the present ones?

i do not!! i just edit differently

what happened to the honeycomb?

OMFG it’s still there...but we legit haven’t seen it since girooni’s wedding so um...it’s gonna have to get a makeover. i’m gonna do it when girooni come back home so i can finally show rupi working there like...wow...she deserves to be seen

lou's dad is the biggest asshole and i am waiting for the day that bitch dies

us when he dies

shit theory: caroline goes to find and confront cillian about what he did in teen lou timeline. care ends up forming a crush on cillian and goes back to meet him several more times, but cillian ends up liking lou more which makes caroline jealous. and that's why they don't speak currently, 'cause cillian ruined lou's life in more ways than one.

uM holy fuck that’s all i got to say

pls tell me that Caro killed the dude that choked Lou (or beat his ass)

god i hope so !

how many people do you follow? are you “strict” with who you follow?

i follow 264 people and yeah i’ve gotten a bit stricter with it just cause like...i only want to follow people whose content i truly care about/will actually notice on my dash

would you ever do a sim dump?

probably in the future, it seems like people want more male and female sims from me SO

ramona got some moves tf

the girl is out here bobbing to the chicken dance like nobody’s business

have u seen the end of the fucking world? if u did what are your #thots

UM......................i watched the first episode ‘cause i heard so much about it and um.............................it was so bad OMFG i hated it. way too edgy for me. completely missed the mark. not into it at all. hard pass

CAN LOU PLEASE HAVE A MAN IN HER LIFE WHO IS NOT A COMPLETE TWAT PLEASE

HOPEFULLY ezra will follow through with that and i don’t necessarily mean in a romantic way but like...as her new roommate MAYBE he will be a blessing we can HOPE

I'm not sure if you've been asked this or not, but your poses are so good and I was wondering if you have ever considered making a pose pack? Sorry if this came off as rude! I love your posts!

i will probably in the future!! but first i gotta figure out which ones i’d actually include

okay so this is random but I just wanted to say that I absolutely love your sims stories. Everything is so perfect and I'm forever shook because I can't believe the "sets" you use are actually the game. Your sims are so fleshed out and you are a huge inspiration to me. Anyways sorry if this was weird but I'm like obsessed with ur blog. bYe

AJHSDHJFSD THANK YOU!!!!!!! yes somehow we work miracles into this game can u believe it...ahh but thank you so much, it means everything that i would inspire you in any way...like what...omg

Santi is actually standing outside present Lou’s apartment wondering where the fuck he went wrong

he’s been there for 6 months just on the street standing there please someone let him in .

LOUUUU OH MY GODDD SKKDSNSJDH MY BABY. SO THATS HOW SHE GOT THE SCAR. WOW

there it is fellas. this message is sooooo old i’m so bad

Have you read/heard of The Lunar Chronicles

i have not!! but i’ll jot it down!

I was wondering if you’ve ever had any problems with skins? For me some on the palm side of the hand it’s noticeably darker than what the skin is supposed to be.. like the rest comes out find but the hands are darker.

hmm...that’s weird, i haven’t seen that. i think it probably depends on the skin? or maybe your sim detail settings?

santi my daddy, honeybodies my mommy, lou looking like a cutie when she saw dat tiny puppy. my name is rappin anon, and i just wanted to say, ur are my favorite simblr basically saving my day. rappin anon OUT

o...my god

i love u

i love u...

[riskeith]

HI BABY!!!!

I LOVE THOSE TYPES OF VIDEOS SO MUCH THE SECOND THE SONG STARTED I KNEW WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN!!!! I’M SO HAPPY ALSO THE PLAYER TRYING TO MAKE ZHONGLI DANCE SKDJFJDKDJFLD i love how dancin’ has just become the official genshin song.

yes back to scheduled program:

it’s a super unpopular opinion 😳 i’ve never heard anyone say that skdhdfjdks. but same i think i’ve seen the first two over ten times throughout the years but i’ve only seen the last one Once. the movies do a great job at lore though so i don’t think reading the books are necessary... personal opinion. OH idk how famous it is but it’s a truth and dare fic and it’s super nsfw idk how much you like reading those but it’s called ‘it started with a spin’... it’s a mess but i remember reading it years ago and really enjoying it jshshsj.. also WOW???? you really fell into the drarry hole huh? granted it’s understandable they have some amazing writers. and sooo much content.

BUNNY CUTE CLUNA OH MY GOD HE SAID BUNNY CUTE!!!!!!! 🥺 ok this just made razor and bennett my new favorite duo in the game sorry everybody else..... ok nvm aether + razor too? wait no now i’m confused razor should be everybody’s baby.. including ours yes let’s adopt him... i can’t believe we already have children together 😳

RIGHT? i love that so much too! as much as i enjoy canon bamf midoriya i love fics that contain quirkless midoriya as well. something about him not needing a quirk yet changing the world is just *chefs kiss* that does feel like a you thing to do lmao sjshskks imagine how easy writing would be that way. also i’ve been curious about smth: do you have any favorite fics you can recommend? longer fics perferably i’m feeling Angsty.

it is a long time but idk.. it can create friendships that last for a long time. i’m still bestfriends with people i got to know at 5 years old and i’m 21 now so sjsjdksdk i guess being around each other for so long makes your bond different. but i’m sure it’s the same when you share those crucial teenage years together too.

diluc is always there and he’s so tempting.. damn. but yeah after xiao you could go for it!! imagine having xiao and diluc on your team... the fucking op-ness. is it difficult to get primogems at the higher levels?

WHAT????? are you kidding????? holy shit this game is on something.... how long will it take to ascend hahaha. now i know what streamers mean when they say that it’s okay to stop at level 80 with most characters....

CLUNA DO YOU HAVE 8 TUMBLR ACCS OR AM I PICKING THIS UP WRONGLY.... but jokes aside that the best system you don’t have to worry about spamming one blog or it being messy. i admire that a lot, couldn’t be me but i admire that a lot.

CHONGYUN EATING COTTON CANDY.. i just got a visual like him picking cotton candy from his hair and snacking on it help shdjjdhdjsks he’s so adorable. (pink and blue are equally used here!! i mostly see it during fairs and stuff. do you like it?) dip dye was so famous around that time remember when everybody did it? i remember crying bc i wasn’t allowed. and yeah i dye my hair once a year usually. mostly softer brown colors (my natural hair color is dark brown) and black when i’m feeling emo. i did peachy red hair once and i think that was my prime hsjsks. wbu? have you ever dyed it?

OIKAWAAAAA....... there’s something so fucking good about a seemingly confident boy that’s actually super insecure and very passionate that just hits right. right? and i do have two hq wips actually they aren’t very advanced because i’ve been so busy but they exist. one iwaoi and one kagehina. those two are my main ships in the show so far actually, that might change but who knows. i just love those two soooo much. the dynamics are just mwah. i need to get them out in the world some day.... hbu?? are you currently working on anything? hq or anything else? AND OFC IVE SEEN THAT. i actually love that drawing sooooo much cluna i remember seeing it weeks ago and going aaaaaah wow. the crown,,, his hair,,, i just think you’re the most amazing and i have such a crush on your talent.... 🥺 (just you in general as well actually 😳)

it’s the weekend, aka more time for us! can’t wait to hear from you again babe... <3

HI HIIIIII

HAHAHA YEAH WHEN I SAW IT I WAS LIKE OMGGGGGGG OMGGGGGG!!!!! the things people come up with wow 😩

oooo! that’s good then. i just don’t think i absorb information as well from movies compared to books ahaha. well i’ve learnt all the important stuff through fics now i reckon 🤪 oh i’ve seen that!! but i’ve purposely been not reading it fhdjdjskkwndks i feel like the concept wouldn’t be my thing but.. i might give it a shot. AND YESS there are so many good drarry authors who’ve written amazing fics ugh i love it here

it’s what razor deserves 😩😩 where should we take him first 🤪 family day out

hmmm fic recs which pairing? i could give you a lot of drarry, and a decent amount of iwaoi and kagehina maybe.. i don’t read a lot of fic for pairings/fandoms i write unfortunately.. but for a start the drarry fic running on air i mentioned is reaaaaally good!! a shorter one but just as good one is “to hurt and heal”. and i hope you’re doing alright 💞

omg nice!! that’s so sweet tho.. do you know anyone who’s had their childhood friends to lovers experience <33 ahahah

dude xiao and diluc omg… i am manifesting 🕯 it kinda is! if you run out of achievements and you’ve explored everything you can only really get primos from your daily commissions… i believe. which is why updates with new areas like dragonspine are a big blessing djdjskkdnfjc

yeah same omg crazy.. i think i might try levelling some of my main 4 up with books and then i’ll just like passively let them gain xp as i play lmao.…

I HAVE...… DEFINITELY MORE THAN 8 INCLUDING ONES IM JUST USING TO SAVE URLS/BLOGS I STARTED BUT NEVER CONTINUED BUT..… yeahhhhhh LMAO

omg.… your brain m.a. your brain!!! (i love cotton candy!! we call it fairy floss ehehe. do you like it?) FJSKKDKSMS i wasn’t allowed either 😔😔. oh nice!! omg peachy red??? das cool af. and i’ve never dyed my hair before!! but i’ve been wanting to bleach it lately heheh

iwaoi and kagehina dynamics are definitely top tier… i hope you’re able to work on those wips again soon!! and i have a lot of hq wips!! none i’m actively working on.. but yeah! thank you so much 😭😭😭😭 you’re too too kind to me 😭😭😭 but yeah i was also like??? i really did that??? wow. i must’ve been possessed by some kinda oikawa loving and good at drawing demon when i drew that fr (the feeling is.. mutual 😳)

ALSO THAT REMINDS ME. I HAVE THE PERFECT PLACE TO GO ON OUR CO-OP DATE omg so i was thinking about where we could possibly go together as xingqiu and chongyun before falling asleep and literally startled awake when i realised… won’t tell you yet so it’s a surprise hehehe unless you also know 👀 what i’m thinking 👀

woo!! can’t wait for your reply 💌