#idk also being treated like a therapist in my ask box recently

[nekrotastikextasy]

Thank you for answering !!

Yeah. I usually go for distractions myself when I'm feeling homicidal. I had a really bad episode recently where that wasn't working though. I ended up having to stab boxes and such to get it out of my system. I've been just asking people who experience homicidal ideation what their coping mechanisms are to see if there's any that could help me when it gets bad again. I wish you luck with your own ideation as well ^^

I do have a plan in place for in-patient hospitalization just in case, though I do worry about how I'd be treated. I know you talked about being met with a lot of hostility in response to both your ASPD traits and your homicidal ideation.

As for your diagnoses, I see! So it was fairly gradual, and you got diagnosed kinda one at a time, beginning with self-DX and concluding with medical recognition. Definitely sounds like you had a rough go at it though, with all the long questioning and then the abelism. I'm sorry you dealt with that.

But icic. So PDNOS is specifically for an unclear or generalized mix of symptoms, whereas if someone does clearly fit the criteria for multiple PDs, they would just have those multiple PDs. I was unsure on if that was used for broad unclear mixes of PDs, ans/or as like occasional shorthand for 'a big huge mix of PDs'. The idea of a diagram demonstrating which symptoms belong clearly to each disorder is a good idea. I may do that myself to make sense of what I deal with, though that may be a project for the future haha.

And yeah I definitely don't think I'll meet a professional who'd want to diagnose me with all four. As it is, past therapists/counselors I've seen labeled me as potentially having traits of cluster Bs, but were hesitant to definitively say I had any of them. My current main therapist suspects many of the symptoms I think may indicate a cluster B may actually just be generalized trauma responses/C-PTSD type stuff as it interacts with autism, and she said it can be hard to distinguish symptoms like that when there's so many elements in play. Which I think is fair. Though I also don't think it's insignificant that I fit all the criteria for cluster Bs so closely. So idk.

I had someone tell me a while back that in cases like this, it's probably best for me to focus on identifying specific symptoms, and then work on dealing with those, instead of putting all my energy into trying to wrap them all into nice little disorder labels. Which is probably the path I should take. It's tricky because like being diagnosed/medically recognized would validate the shit I deal with, but with my symptoms fitting so many disorders, diagnosis would be hard to get, and it's just not worth my time to worry about that, especially when like my homicidal ideation is flaring up so severely rn. Like I should spend my time learning effective coping strategies for that instead of trying to analyze the symptoms that really don't bother me that much/aren't as big a problem in my life.

But. Yeah. Overall, I may never get what feels like a neat, satisfying answer to why I am the way I am. But I can do my best to roll with the punches and focus on what's necessary.

Thank you again for answering my ask! And don't feel bad at all for the long reply lmao. I'm guilty of that myself. I appreciate your advice and experiences! It was helpful to read ^^ I hope life treats you alright!

Hiii, I saw your message about asks, and I wanted to ask if you had any specific coping mechanisms for homicidal ideation. Mine has been awful lately, and my usual coping mechanisms aren't working as well anymore.

Also, you noted that you have NPD, BPD, and ASPD traits. How'd you figure out you had all of them, and not just a 'PD NOS' type situation? /gen I myself fit traits of all four cluster Bs (going through all the official diagnostics, I fit the criteria for all four), and I'm struggling to figure out if like. I might have traits of each (like described it'd be ASPD traits, BPD traits, HPD traits, and NPD traits), or if I'd be considered to just have general cluster B traits, or if I'd have 'PD NOS', or if I would straight up just have all four PDs, etc.

REMINDER/TW

Some of this is personal experience, it won't be the same for everyone. I will mention a mental hospital I went to. I am not a professional.

About the coping mechanism for homicidal ideation

First of, thank you so much for the ask! To answer your first question. I sadly don't have any healthy ones. But I have one that doesn't harm others. Usually when I have homicidal ideation and I'm at home I go to my room and try to distract myself by reading and watching a video. That on it's own is good I just tend to isolate myself for a few hours until the feeling has completely passed. What's unhealthy about this is not only the isolating but also repressing of the emotion (anger/rage wtvr.) Because it will come back eventually and then it's over 😭 I do plan on working on better coping mechanisms in therapy but the last time I talked about it with a therapist I was not met with a friendly reaction at all.

So my Tipp is to take time for yourself when you can and try to distract yourself. Just try not to make the same mistakes I do and don't isolate yourself and try to let the emotion out in another way (like writing, drawing, sport) at a later point in time.

How did I figure out I have NPD, BPD and ASPD traits?

I knew I have BPD since 13. I did the test for personality disorders where you fill out a sheets of paper with over 100 questions. The results showed that I had a high score for BPD. But since I was 13 I didn't get it diagnosed. NPD is more recent. At the start of 2024 I found myself looking at the diagnostic criteria and symptoms for npd for reasons I can't remember. I went over them and compared it to my expirence only to realize that I fit every but one diagnostic criteria that is "arrogance, haughty behaviors, and attitudes." (I do experience it to some degree I just often don't tell people what I'm actually feeling/thinking for personal gains). After a lot of research I decided to self diagnose with npd but even then I was still in denial. Towards the end of last year I was in a mental hospital to work on my "bpd like symptoms" among other things. There I finally did the personality disorders test. At first I did the test I'd already done when I was 13. Then I sat down with a psychiatrist for 6 and a half hours. We went thru all clusters and all personality disorders. She asked me questions and I had to answer and give examples. Once the results came back it was clear, I have NPD and BPD. I got diagnosed with both as the score for both, especially NPD, was high. So that explains how I figured out I have NPD and BPD. But what about my ASPD traits?

Aspd is more complicated and way more recent. While I was suspecting NPD since may last year and BPD for years I only realized my ASPD traits about 2 months ago. During the whole testing I was very focused on my BPD and NPD symptoms. Especially after I got done with the section of npd and bpd, all I could think about was thoes two disorders and my symptoms tied to them. I unintentionally ignored all other symptoms I was showing and that paired with the psychiatrist who basically skipped over aspd during the testing process for whatever reason resulted in me not really being able to talk about anything relating to it. The next few weeks after I got the diagnosis all that was in my mind was NPD. I was struggling with the diagnosis and what it means for me. Due to the diagnosis I was paying more attention to my behavior, thoughts, feelings and urges. After some time I was able to think about other things than NPD but I still payed attention to my behavior and such. Over time I saw things in myself I had not seen before as I just considered them a part of me, and/or something that's completely normal. They weren't and while some of it fit NPD or BPD other things didn't. I was confused. One night I was thinking a lot so I went to the person watching over us that night (reminder, I'm still at the mental hospital at this point). We sat there and talked for 2 hours until it was 12am. I talked about my symptoms, my need to control others and the situation generally, my homicidal ideation, not being able to understand what is right or wrong and generally not understanding social norms, my non existent remorse and regret and so on. The person I was talking to listened to me and at the end asked me a question "Do you feel emotions?" This question absolutely destroyed me. Because while I felt the urge to say yes, it didn't feel right. My next few days were spent thinking about that question, I asked people with ASPD how they expirence emotions. It took time until I found a answer to the question but either way, the symptoms where still there. I wasn't sure what to do with all of this new information that hit me all at once. I decided to talk to my therapist there. And while she did recognize the ASPD traits her reaction was far from nice. To put it simply, I was almost thrown out the clinic and in the next therapy session she told me I'd be released way earlier than expected and planned. Her reasoning was that I have too many problems. She said until I get released we'd just work on making sure I don't relapse into dysfunctional behaviors at home. So I didn't have a opportunity to talk about it again with her.

I am still kind of in denial about my aspd traits even tho I know I fit a lot of the criteria and I'm not talking about thoes that overlap with bpd and npd.

How do I know it's not PD NOS?

First of, the official diagnosis. But outside of that it isn't a mix of different traits without filling enough diagnostic criteria for a personality disorder, I fit all the criteria for BPD and NPD separate from each other. Yes my BPD is influenced by my NPD and the other way around but even so, I still fit the diagnostic criteria enough to get a diagnosis. If I did a testing for BPD and ignored the ways NPD influences it, I'd still fit the criteria. When I have time I'll draw what I mean to visualize it and explain it better.

General cluster B traits, PD NOS, or all four?

If you fit all diagnostic criteria for all personality disorders you probably have all four personality disorders. But it depends. As an example on how strong the symptoms are, you might experience all symptoms of a pd but a professional will call it traits as some of the symptoms aren't strong enough to be considered a pd on it's own. Everyone goes in the direction of specific personality disorders but it is considered a personality disorder or symptoms when it's exstreme. (Not saying you don't show all cluster B traits!)

A professional will probably be very hesitant to diagnose you with all 4 PDs. They might look for other similar disorders first that overlap. In the end it's in the hand of the professional what they diagnose you with. But my original point stands, if you fit all diagnostic criteria for aspd, bpd, hpd and npd, then you probably have all 4. Tho please note that I'm not a professional!!!

This got really long I hope I could help you somehow anon! If you or anyone has any follow up questions feel free to send a ask! Have a great day ahead and thank you for the ask!

[thewasteland]

Hi I hope your morning/evening is going well! I came here and was wondering if it’s okay to ask for advice or ask if anyone else is going through something similar?

TW: One mention of SH (only mentions the initials)

I recently was diagnosed with BPD which has been helpful but also incredibly stressful with changing therapists and getting into contact with new psychiatrists and all that fun stuff. I opened up to a few really close friends about my diagnosis (and family) and something kinda unexpected happened? My friends who all have diagnosis ranging from autism, adhd, MDD, PTSD, etc. are being kinda insensitive about everything? They keep making these harmful statements like “She can’t do this anymore or she’ll have an episode” or making fun and/or being condescending towards the fact that I took a gap semester and took a break from my job and am now getting back into everything (straight up one friend holds the fact they make $1.00 more than me over my head like ???) “It’s about time you went back” “She might have an episode this isn’t a good idea” I’m really frustrated because A) they aren’t around me when I have episodes I self-isolate and they don’t know anything about what an episode could look like B) they started actually like this after I told them about my diagnosis they never treated me like this before. Also I don’t SH at all, so now they’ve actually tried to take things away from me and laugh about how I will try??? I did open up to them about how i felt but they keep talking over me or you know get all defensive over it and so resolving this actually has been difficult because they won’t listen. I’m just really frustrated and disappointed and honestly becoming so fed up I’m really considering ending some 10+ yr friendships and I really wish I had friends rn who understood what it’s like having this and weren’t treating me like a ticking time-bomb.

Hi anon! It’s definitely ok to drop into our ask box to vent or ask for advice, it’s always open!

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I do know BPD has a lot of stigma surrounding it but I’m so sorry that you’re going through this with your friends, those are such horrible things to say. I don’t know why anyone, especially people who call themselves your friends, would make fun of your pain like that.

I will say I did have a couple similar experiences with friends in college, although mostly they just cut me off when I dropped out :))) but I don’t think I’ve experienced any bullying to the extent that you are, that sounds truly awful.

I will post your question and tag it to see if anyone else has advice for ya. My personal advice would be to cut those people off and find new friends, maybe even a support group for people with BPD? Idk what kind of options are available to you. But the sad truth is you can’t educate someone who doesn’t respect you, and it doesn’t sound like your friends are showing you any respect or love right now, which is what you deserve. There are better people out there, I promise 💖

Again, I’m really sorry to hear you’re experiencing this. People can be so disgustingly ableist and act like mental disorders are a funny joke and it’s so horrible when these conditions can be debilitating or even lethal.

I hope you’re holding up ok anon, and if you ever wanna reach out we’re here for ya. Best of luck💖💖