#idk a lot has happened recently in this specific vein of thought that just has me feeling exceptionally shitty about myself

[liquid-geodes]

What a way to learn your ex coworker (one of your favorite ones too mind you) thinks everyone who says they're autistic is using it as an excuse for being rude to people

Like brother, people shouldn't HAVE to get diagnosed before you believe them (her actual words) getting diagnosed can actually be super harmful to the person being diagnosed, as it's often times used against us in various ways

Yes there are just shitty people in the world who WILL claim to be to cover up the fact that they're just shitty, but not EVERY person who says it does

[rei-caldombra]

Dragon Ball Z and Super share a lot of the same issues - I'm tired of Z Worshippers

This one is more of a rant and vent post talking about Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball Super and the Dragon Ball fanbase. I am going to be a bit harsh but please always remember to be civil and treat people with respect when disagreeing and calling out people’s behavior. With that said though, in my opinion DBZ worshippers are obnoxious hypocrites who are hyper fixated on an idealized version of DBZ. To be clear, loving Z does not make you a worshiper. A worshiper is someone who acts like Z is perfect, ignores Z’s flaws and refuses to not compare Z and Super every 5 seconds. I’ll be bringing up specific points of discourse around Super and giving my thoughts on how Super and Z actually share a lot of the same issues people bring up towards Super. This won’t be encompassing every little detail of the series. I also want to state that I love this series and do not dislike Z or Super. I just find they both have many issues, many of which are shared.

The reason why I bring this up is because these people have never stopped being annoying in my opinion. Even after over 5 years of the main Dragon Ball Super anime being over, people are still leaving the same tired “Super bad Z good” comments on clips from Z and Super. It’s inescapable and impossible to ignore. And after years of these same things, it is very tiring to be in the community sometimes. No matter how much time passes they are incapable of getting over the fact that Z ended and Super aired. 

My main argument is that many of the points people criticize Super over are done by Z as well. But because they romanticize Z so much, they don’t realize this and attribute it just to Super. 

Let’s talk about power scaling. No one complains about Goku and Vegeta going from completely outclassed by Buuhan to overpowering him after Potara fusion. But when Kale and Caulifla are completely outclassed by Goku then overpower him by potara fusion suddenly it's stupid that Potara has a ridiculous multiplier. Potara has always been a way for 2 people to turn the tides. This goes for the fusion dance too. Goten and Trunks cannot stand a semblance of a chance against Buu, but they fuse so they can at least be justified to put up a fight. Goku and Vegeta could not take down Janemba but after fusing effortlessly destroyed him. Zamasu and Goku Black were individually too weak to fight Goku and Vegeta, so they fused to get the upper hand. Then Goku and Vegeta do the same to turn the tides again. Fusion has always been used as a way for weaker characters to dramatically overcome their opponent. This is and always was bad and inconsistent from a power scaling perspective. It’s been like this since Z, Super did not change that. 

Super also did not ruin Super Saiyan forms, the impact of Super Saiyan was ruined long before Super. Many people are for some reason totally fine with Goten and Trunks not having any interesting or emotional reason to go Super Saiyan. It just randomly happens while they were casually training with Chi-Chi. But when Caulifla goes Super Saiyan without any interesting or emotional reason suddenly the hype of Super Saiyan is being ruined. Tingly back is dumb, yes. But are you seriously arguing that “idk it just happened lol” is good writing for Trunks and Goten? Both of these are unsatisfying uses of characters becoming Super Saiyans. Saiyans go Super Saiyan when the story demands Saiyans keep up with the most recent enemies. Goten and Trunks had to be able to go Super Saiyan so they could be relevant in the Buu Saga. Another point in a similar vein- Caulifla going Super Saiyan 2 fairly easily was also complained about. You know who else got a higher Super Saiyan form very easily in a way that undercuts the effort of the other character(s) who achieved it through hard work and/or emotional suffering? Gotenks going Super Saiyan 3 after seeing it done by Goku one time. Why? Because the people they have to fight are so strong that they need it to be relevant. Super Saiyan was downgraded from being a big deal long ago back in Z. Power ups that undercuts the impact of previous ones is not a Super problem, it's a Dragon Ball problem. 

Now to the inconsistent art point. Super has some fairly inconsistent and mediocre art over its run, with some frames in particular looking especially bad. But have y’all actually watched Z outside of the big hype moments you watch clips of on Youtube? Let’s look at some terrible art from Z. Please be aware that I am not an animation expert on the technical side so sorry if I use any terms incorrectly. 

Vegeta is ridiculously off model, to the point that it barely even looks like him. With this picture you could convince someone this is a different Saiyan like you’d see in the background of Namek flashbacks. There were various artists and teams handling DBZ over the show, and that resulted in things like this happening more often. This is bad, plain and simple. If people are going to pick out minor bad moments in Super, then we are allowed to do that for DBZ too. 

Here’s a mediocre looking frame from the Cell Saga. 

It even comes from Cell vs Goku, one of the best-looking fights in the series in my opinion. Look how crunchy that Cell the back is. Goku’s hair is pretty low detail compared to many of the other shots in this fight. This is a shot covering a lot of motion, which often can result in less detail. This is fairly normal, but yes it does look worse and is inconsistent. This is just like many frames people have criticized in Super. In this same fight there are single frames covering movement that look 10x better. Sorry, Z does not look perfect 100% of the time like a lot of people act. Super is the same way. For example, there are some very mediocre looking parts of the Future Saga, but there are also the parts directed by Naotoshi Shida that look really great. Z and Super were both long running anime that had inconsistent art that ranged from ugly to beautiful. Z and Super both had times where less skilled artists were working on the show. They both had times when the show was rushed, and the art suffered. Just like with Super we can pick out poor visuals in Z as well. There’s definitely worse than the above shot but this shot exists and was easy to find so I used it. Kinda like how people would criticize the same easy to find shots of Super for the last 9 years. 

Some of the criticisms of Super are just stupid and people are not paying attention to the details. The biggest one is people saying Goku endangered everyone by giving Zeno the idea for the Tournament of Power. But if you actually paid attention, you would know that Zeno was planning to erase all of the universes that ended up participating in the Tournament of Power before that idea came up. The Tournament of Power meant at least one universe would be saved and gave the chance for that universe to save the rest. Goku’s idea saved all the universes from destruction. It seems stupid in the moment but actually worked out in the end. You know what else did in a similar fashion? Goku gives Cell a senzu bean. If you want to argue that it being unintentional shouldn’t count in Goku’s favor for not being an idiot in Super, then you should consider Goku an idiot in Z for not killing Fat Buu when he could have. Besides, the argument of his perceived dangerous desire for the ToP being out of character is just incorrect in my opinion. 

Goku endangered people all of the time for his own desires. He let Vegeta go just so he could fight him again. He didn’t know that Vegeta wouldn’t go around destroying and/or conquering more planets in the meantime. He recognized that the Saiyans were conquerors and killers, and that Vegeta should’ve been killed. But his selfish desire (as he admits himself) to enjoy fighting him again won out. He also let Frieza go out of pity even though he truly believed Frieza was evil. Even if his spirit was broken, how’d he know he wouldn’t work out that misery by hurting more people? He did not want to kill him, so he initially gave Frieza the chance to change. For both Vegeta and Frieza he put the universe at risk to give them a chance to change. He believed in that capacity to change so he ignored their unlikelihood of doing so. He also the time Goku tells Vegeta that he could have defeated Fat Buu as a SSJ3 but chose not to so Goten and Trunks could have a chance. Yet again he puts the world at risk for his own desires. And unlike with Gohan and Cell, this did not work out according to plan. Goten and Trunks could not defeat Buu and his plan backfires. Goku is not a perfect paragon character who only acts in the best interest of the universe. Let’s argue that Goku believes in not dealing with threats efficiently so people can grow from combat. He wanted to fight Vegeta again to better himself and he wanted Goten and Trunks to fight Buu so they can better themselves. He believes in the growth that comes from combat. Does that not also work for the Tournament of Power? Does it not make sense for him to want to grow by encountering all these different fighters? Even if that brings some risk by whatever stakes come from the tournament? I feel that Goku wanting a universal tournament even though the gods recommended against it fits his character. Krillin said leaving Vegeta alive would be a bad idea. But Goku stuck to his desire anyway. Beerus and the others thought the ToP would be a bad idea. But Goku went for it anyway. King Kai warned Goku not to get in a fight with Beerus but he did it anyway. He has the drive to protect people but at his core he is a guy who loves to fight and grow from that experience. And he pushes that onto other people which often brings increased risk. This fits for the Cell saga too, where he gives Cell a senzu bean because he believes fighting Cell at full power will bring out Gohan’s potential. Even though healing Cell put everyone at greater risk he chose to do that because he wanted to see Gohan’s full potential. He does want to protect people from evil, but the forefront of his character is desiring to fight and grow as a fighter. And through the series we see this bring risk. To me this is who adult Goku is. In my opinion this is pretty consistent characterization from Z to Super. Goku’s character is up to personal interpretation, but this is how I see him. 

You can like Z better than Super. That’s fine. My problem is not people criticizing either show, or people making an argument that one anime is better than the other (I like the original Dragon Ball anime the best if you're curious). You can have issues with writing, power scaling, visuals etc. of either show. I am not arguing people’s issues with Super are invalid. The problem is pointing out the flaws of Super just to completely ignore those same flaws being present in Z in mostly the same way. It's hypocritical, plain and simple. Some people really need to take off their nostalgia goggles and look at all of Dragon Ball more comprehensively if they want to talk about the quality of the individual shows. In my opinion many of the problems people talk about in regard to Super are problems that all of Dragon Ball suffers from, not just Super. I am tired of hearing about these problems brought up against just Super for almost a decade now (crazy that Super started in 2015). I want the Z worshippers to move on with their lives and get over not enjoying Super as much as other people did. At the very least please properly watch Z and Super again if you are going to act like you are an expert on them. Come up with new material and/or criticize something new.

Thank you for reading! I think this really helped release this buildup of frustration out of my system lol.

[rimouskis]

i love lord huron! what are the songs you've been listening to?

oh hiiiiiii! hello!

um. long post below. I have so many lord huron thoughts ahahahah

not to be the most insufferable person known to humankind but I've been listening to them since lonesome dreams (2012) and it is STILL my favorite album by them! even though strange trails (2015) is an absolute masterpiece and also incredible!

unfortch ben has taken the band's sound in a direction that I think is a bit more ballad-y (which I kind of blame on the popularity of "the night we met" :/ thanks 13 re*sons why) and also less lush (like... the instrumentation on lonesome dreams and strange trails is so layered and textured and brings in these evocative, atmospheric sounds that create such velvety soundscapes...)

I enjoyed vide noir (2018) but it is NOT in my listening rotation at all, though I really enjoy "lost in time and space" and both parts of "ancient names."

when it comes to long lost (2021) I found the record palatable but forgettable. I feel like they've lost some of the unique sounds that really MADE their music. the theremin in strange trails was an inspired choice, for example. long lost incorporates a lot of strings, which I do like in music, but that's kind of it. it's just sort-of-standard slow, ballad-y rock.

what happened to the literal sounds of the ocean and the jungle drums that were in the Mighty EP? that HAUNTING harmonica and cymbals in lonesome dreams? the HOWLING? the theremin, castanets, and crackling old radio sounds from strange trails (their dorky little homemade old radio they lugged around for the strange trails tour was so cute). all these elements added SOOOO much to the music! they were my favorite band (and maybe still are, my answer depends on the day) for so long.

lord huron used to have this really dreamy soundscape and they have LOST IT and I am SAD ABOUT IT. I'm so glad I saw them twice during the strange trails tour. I also saw them more recently during the long lost tour and while I didn't love the setlist as much, ben's stage presence has really improved and he seemed very comfortable, which was nice!

OKAY ENOUGH WHINING here's my lord huron favorites:

again, I love lonesome dreams The Most (it's The Album of My Heart) and I lowkey have a whole fic idea inspired by it. listening to "The Ghost on the Shore" on the banks of Lake Huron at the twilight hour last summer was a transformative experience for me.

I could eat that whole album but my favorites are totally "Lonesome Dreams," "Lullaby," "Brother," and "The Man Who Lives Forever." all four of those have been on heavy rotation this summer. I was also really grateful when they released "Setting Sun" on spotify finally so I could stop listening to it on youtube lol.

as for strange trails, "Fool for Love" ran in my veins for my entire college career but I deeply love the whole album. "Meet Me in the Woods," "Hurricane," and "Way out There" are some of my favorites, but I also think "The World Ender" is inspired.

idk what I love most about any piece of media is it having that specific quality that grabs you by the yoke and yanks you into its world, and I think ben struck gold with the first two albums (and the mighty EP), which have such developed and distinctive soundscapes that fully immerse you into the literal story he's trying to tell. his comic book for the events of strange trails is deeply endearing to me haha. idk I'm SOOOOO normal about this band and what they were doing with their early work. I really am curious about where the band will go next!

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

hello, me again (person watching the last leg) - i've reached series 11 and i'm still really enjoying this show so i've come back with more notes from the past few seasons

-so far my favourite guest has been jessica hynes, due to her calling trump and pence cunts and the story about punching a guy who threw eggs at her. in a similar vein i liked miriam margolyes, who called alex a yob and said they should bleep josh more and then proceeded to say cunt twice in quick succession. -i experienced a brief millisecond long crush on josh when he snapped "well we should give back the elgin marbles cos they're not fucking ours" like yes king rage against the british museum

Part 2:

-one of my problems with this show is their tendency to "both sides" things a little too much, so im worried for when the topic of transgender people starts to pick up. idk how bad it is in canada but in the uk the media is extrememly biased against trans people, including the bbc, so i've got a bad feeling it won't be handled with a lot of grace.

-i think my favourite example of someone still laughing after the segments changed is in s10 ep10, where everyone is still laughing well after alex's misguided joke and josh is in hysterics during the outro

-im still not used to politicians turning up, but i dont have such an instinctive knee-jerk reaction anymore. yesterday i watched ed milibands episode and i was not prepared for him to a) have a sense of humour, or b) make that pig fucking joke. that being said i'm glad they all have the snooty rp accent because otherwise i might start actually liking them.

-in bad news, i've just realised that they've taken all but the most recent three episodes off of all 4 so when i get to later seasons i'm going to have to head to reddit for pirating links. i dont understand why they'd do this, honestly it makes me really sad to think theres a chance it's gonna be gone forever.

anyway yeah, im still having a blast watching this!

That's great, I'm glad you're enjoying it! And glad you still have notes!

- Jessica Hynes has been fantastic every time on The Last Leg (and just on everything else she does, which is on my mind at the moment as I only just watched last week’s episode of Outsiders and I think the way she and Joe Wilkinson play off each other is the best thing about this season). She was very good next to Chris O’Dowd in that episode when he showed up hammered, a whole situation that I found so hilarious that it makes me readjust how highbrow I like to think my sense of humour is. Another thing that reminds me I’m really not above things like that is I think Miriam Margolyes saying “cunt” twice in about a minute, and the collective reactions to that, is one of the funniest things that’s ever happened on that show. I sometimes re-watch just that bit and lose my breath laughing every time. Margolyes comes back a few times in future seasons, and she’s just good every time.

- Yeah Josh Widdicombe is not super political, but every once in a while he says something like that with what sounds like some genuine venom behind it, and that’s always good. Welcome to crush on Josh Widdicombe club, even if you were only briefly a member!

- Yeah, the tendency to “both sides” is a recurring issue, and one that, to be honest, only gets worse. It’s mostly not that bad, the show does take clear stances on lots of the most important issues, but sometimes they drop the ball. I understand why, they’re a mainstream Channel 4 show and they’re not trying to get in trouble, and sometimes, to their credit, they say some controversial stuff anyway. But they’ve pulled punches at times that I haven’t liked.

I can’t recall a lot of specifics about the way they take on trans issues, but I think I’d remember if I ever thought they handled it particularly badly, so you don’t have to worry about that too much, with one glaring exception. In 2019, people on Twitter asked them to give the “Dick of the Year” award to Graham Linehan, and they refused. I agreed with their reasoning for refusing – it involved the fact that Linehan had Tweeted about how he wanted to win that award, and they have a policy against using their silly year-end thing as a way to give more attention to people who are actively courting that attention, so anyone who says they want to win the Dick of the Year isn’t allowed to win it. That’s fair enough, but I didn’t like the way they explained it. There was a very short, careful, speech that really “both sides”-ed the issue in a way I did not and still don’t like. I think people Tweeted about giving Linehan that award because transmisogyny is clearly an important issue to lots of fans of The Last Leg, and they dismissed those concerns with the way they responded. I wrote a post around this time last year with the exact wording of what they said, if you want to know how bad it was before getting further invested.

I think it was a serious misstep, and not the only time I’ve remembered that they’re not going to get on the wrong side of people who do things like significantly influence their industry or, for example, give them MBEs. Their recent post-queen death episode reminded me that I should not expect this show to take difficult positions on things (I didn’t expect them to come out calling for a Republican revolution or anything, but any nuance at all in their sycophantic reverence for the monarchy and all it stands for would have been fucking nice). Having said that, I think they’ve got a lot of things right over the years, and moments with which I have a significant problem are few. But it’s good to keep your expectations at a level where you’re not too disappointed when they refuse to rise above things.

- Back to fun parts! The outro is always the funniest time for one of them to have an uncontrollable attack of laughter, because it’s when they’re not able to make up lost time by rushing through other stuff later, so Adam really has to just keep reading the autocue over whatever’s happening. Always funny. More often happens with Alex, but sometimes with Josh too, and sometimes they just set each other off. I think that might be my favourite thing about The Last Leg – any time Josh and Alex set each other off about anything.

- Oh God, I forgot they had Ed Miliband on. I suppose the fact that he can be so likeable on a comedy show is why comedy shows shouldn’t have politicians, but having said that, they sometimes create among the best episodes (I have to admit the Nick Clegg episode made me like Nick Clegg, it’s a good thing I don’t have a vote in British elections).

- Don’t worry, The Last Leg is well archived not gone forever. Send me something I can reply to privately (a private message or a non-anonymous ask) if you end up having trouble finding links, though stuff from seasons 15-ish and later tend to be not that hard to find. The early seasons are tough though, I’m glad I picked those up when I did. And the London 2012 episodes might actually be gone, but the rest is out there.

[perperam]

OKAY I saw your Instagram post things and I just want to know what are your headcanons for that universe?? Is there any specific AU you imagine the Instagram AUs happening in or do you have specific rules for your own ideal version or

somehow, surprisingly, you're not the only one to ask this !!

okay so funny story at first I literally just drew the instagram things bc I thought yeah harley would be so loved by all of internet generation gen z college kids (as an internet gen z recently graduated undergrad myself)

but then as I made the posts more and more intricate with the comments and stuff it kinda...grew into something bigger? like they actually have a particular AU for them now!! so that's fun

here's what I'm thinkin I want in my social media AU:

world building wise:

neither of them are really "heroes" but they aren't outright supervillains either—like they're anti-heroes that dont give a shit about corporate & capitalist culture

aka they can, have, and will continue to steal from big market names and threaten CEOs, but will also pool money to pay small business and support local folks

much like the vibes of the harley quinn animated series, harley and the rest are literally Just People and go to coffee shops and just hang out in public (the fuck is GCPD gonna do for them drinking coffee, send em to Arkham??)

this makes them really well liked by Gotham's general public

also because ivy has and will kill rapists and bad men on sight and harley has on more than one occasion been linked to crimes where abusers have mysteriously turned up dead or beat to a pulp with a blunt object suspiciously shaped like a bat or sledgehammer

there's this specific tattoo shop harley really likes that she goes to whenever she wants a new piece done, and because of her instagram they've become the most popular place in Gotham, in fact if you go there on any given day you have a 25% chance of seeing harley

also I wasn't kidding when I said harley really would have her own psychiatry clinic and continue to treat people (mostly college kids and criminals) for free because harley says fuck the US health care system and helping others would be really fulfilling to her

harley advertising on her instagram story: hey yall I'll be having a trauma processing session tonight at my clinic please stop by if you want to make an appointment or listen to my lecture

oh also harley has a podcast and the episodes vary from "workout routine" to "breaking the glass ceiling of female supervillains and the male gaze in crime" to "why stealing is sometimes okay" to "studying for the mcat and quick tips" to "perhaps marx was right" to random tangents that go on and on and on

pam on the other hand is not only a feared ex-supervillain but now a revered member of Gotham's city-revitalization planning committee

in between heists for rare floral specimen she plans climate protests and tree-planting events and in general does her damn best to try and bring some sort of green to Gotham in a "legal fashion" (a news source once said this and ivy almost killed the news anchor on the fucking spot from how much rage pumped through her veins in that moment)

characters & dynamics wise:

harley and ivy have been living together and literally married for like, a year now by this point

selina is over so often she might as well be living at their apartment

the gotham city sirens and the batkids are besties!! as they should be (this used to stress bruce out to no end but after the third family dinner dick planned with "aunty harls and pam" he had to eventually give up)

in fact jason and harley often get involved in stupid shenanigans and dick is almost always there with them and literal seconds from being implicated in their scheme somehow

jason is often at harley and ivy’s apartment and can greatly relate to harley in many different ways (from growing up in a crime riddled neighborhood to having intense trauma courtesy of the joker and ivy finds it endearing that he trusts harley enough to let people in (and there is a visible, tangible change in him after he starts getting closer to harley, everyone can feel how much happier he becomes)

harley and ivy are 28 and 32 respectively but because ivy literally has the interests and name of a 90 year old everyone just teases her by calling her "grandma pamela"

the batkids refer to them as aunty harley and aunty (sometimes grandma) ivy and ivy fights every time for a different name but just gave up sometime after tim joined in

ivy and tim get along really well, surprisingly

also alfred literally loves pam because she helps the plants in bruce's neglected green house thrive and ivy really enjoys his company because he's on the same wave length as her and "knows when to shut the fuck up and just bask in the quiet unlike literally all other men"

I think I want babs and dinah to be dating bc have you seen their chemistry and dick and kori to be dating bc again have you seen their chemistry but I'm kinda torn and in between and idk

bud and lou are great cuddle bugs and ivy secretly loves it but pretends she hates it to harley's face bc a girl's gotta save some semblance of dignity right

details:

harley has adhd and you can't convince me, someone with adhd, otherwise

harley has both shitty tattoos that she gets for no other reason other than that it's funny or that she hyperfixates on them super hard for half a second and suddenly there's art on her again and ivy's just ?? when she gets home. she also really meaningful tattoos that she has multiple consultations about

she had two ribcage tattoos before the joker, got three tattoos commemorating him during their (highly abusive) relationship which she immediately covered with new ink upon leaving him, and gets a lot of patchwork style tattoos down her arms and thighs

she has a giant flower tattoo going down her entire spine and it's ivy's favorite thing ever

ivy actually also has a (singular) tattoo and it's a diamond with a stem and leaves as if it were a flower

it's still very much a work in progress but since multiple people have asked me about this I thought I'll dump all my thoughts here

[lazyliars]

I FINISHED DELTARUNE CHAPTER 2

Very fun. I was genuinely struggling with the last boss, played it up to 1 AM last night, was about to give up and go to bed, and then...

I don't know what happened, but something clicked in my brain? Suddenly I was perfectly dodging attacks and had the pattern LOCKED down?? I was having such a miserable time right until then. Then out of nowhere I started seeing the freaking code and owned it.

Spoiler-laden thoughts under the cut.

THAT ENDING.

So Kris opened a dark fountain in their house, right? That's what happened?

Setting aside the obvious "What the hell does it mean for a fountain to exist in the Light world" question, does that imply that they're the Knight? Probably not, right, because the King and The Queen would have recognized them...

I'm still on my crack theory that Papyrus is the knight. Think about it! He just arrived to town, and this business with the dark fountains only started recently iirc? And in UT, Papyrus wants to join the royal guard... in other words, a knight.

And considering the Lightners that have entered the Dark World so far seem to be ones facing serious emotional issues (Susie feeling like she'll always be "the bad guy", Noelle's difficulties speaking up for herself and dealing with her family life crumbling, Berdly's superiority/inferiority stemming from skewed self-perception, the myriad things going on with Kris...)

Papyrus just moved to a new place, and doesn't seem to want to leave the house. It's not hard to imagine a person struggling with the loneliness that comes from a situation like that.

The allure of being a powerful, influential figure in the Dark World would make sense.

That ties Sans into this weirdness, which in turn gets us a little bit closer to whatever the hell Gaster has to do with everything.

...or maybe not.

Theories aside, I really loved the cyber-city as a setting. I was skeptical at first because I usually dislike "electric" themed worlds, just, aesthetics wise, but they knocked it out of the park. I especially liked the glitchy garbage heap part.

The enemies were cool and adorable, the Werewires as a standout were creepy and awesome. Also liked the mechanics of the Butlers.

For characters? I liked the Susie and Noelle-budding romance, it was cute. The ferris wheel was such a good sequence.

I liked Noelle in general. Not too many specifics, I just liked the way they handled her.

AND BERDLY. Goddamn it. As soon as I saw him in the dark world, I fucking KNEW he would be my favorite by the end of the chapter because Toby Fox does not do things half-assed and I'm a sucker for character development. But Yeah no, I really, really liked Berdly's arc.

This wasn't as much of a Susie-heavy chapter as the last, but the developments she did have were nice. Her excitement at seeing Lancer was so sweet! And at the ending, I took her to the bunker, where two other kids were there, and one off-handedly said something mean about Kris and she stepped in and scared them off and then checked on Kris like... 🥺

And Ralsei. Ralsei... Gonna be honest, I was super sus of him at the start of the chapter, and still kinda am, but in a different way now. He DEFINITELY knows more than he's letting on, but whereas at the start of the chapter I was getting almost... idk, smug vibes? Now I feel pretty confident that he's more in the vein of "doing what he thinks is best" type beat. Still sus, and I still wonder what he talks to Kris about when the player's perspective shifts to Susie in both chapters... but I don't think he's a villain-in-disguise. At least, not intentionally.

There's still a lot of mysteries surrounding him that might point to something more sinister, but... yeah, idk. I think part of my initial hesitance was because I was still adjusting to his goat-face after having replayed ch. 1 with the covered bird-ish face.

Also the Swan-boat scene was soooooooooooo cute.

The big plot still remains obscured, but what with "the roaring" being name-dropped, we have some sort of endgame we could potentially ascribe to the Knight, but no motivations to couple with it yet...

I really hope in chapter 3 we get to see them. Maybe not like, ACTUALLY see them, but hear them speak, get a feel for their voice and what they're like...

ANYWAYS. tldr, Deltarune ch. 2 was very good, just as good as ch. 1 in my opinion. Now, the waiting game begins for chapter 3.

OH. Also, I am absolutely OBSESSED with the Snowgrave route. Hooooooly shit. Just... wow. I need to watch a full playthrough before I make any judgements about what it says for the story, but what I've seen so far...

It seems like a deadly reminder that the events of the Dark World DO have consequences for the Light World. It may feel like fantasy, but it can easily twist out into reality, in drastic and horrifying ways.

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[galadrieljones]

writer’s review

tagged by @ma-sulevin and @a-shakespearean-in-paris. thank you! i’ve never done this one before.

I will tag @thevikingwoman @shallow-gravy @littleblue-eyedbirdchirps @roguelioness @pikapeppa and anyone who’d like to do this. Please tag me if you do!!

Rules: Post two snippets of your writing. The first should be one of the oldest examples of your work that you can find (the older the better!), and the other has to be an excerpt from something more recent. Compare the two side by side to see the difference between what your writing looks like now and how it did then.

Since I have way too much old writing from my life, I am just going to stick with my fanfiction. I chose to compare an excerpt from my older Solavellan work The Dead Season (2016) to my current The Last of Us fic As You Were (2020). 

I put this under a cut, as it’s a little long!! 

From The Dead Season - Chapter 8: The Emprise du Lion

For the first three nights, they’d had to camp in a quarry surrounded by the dead lit veins of red lyrium. The lyrium glowed through the fire, illuminating the snow, keeping everyone awake, bandaged and bruised, all four of them piled into the Inquisitor’s tent where nobody wanted to be alone. Death was too nearby, they decided. Things were better together. Exhausted, hardened, dirty, cold to the bone. Drinking warm ale brought in by Scout Harding’s people, gnawing pieces of rabbit Sene had hunted herself and then cooked on a spit. Iron Bull tried entertaining with mad stories from his stranger youth. He and Solas played whole games of chess through the power of memory alone, and Sera braided Sene’s hair, and asked her all kinds of questions about her childhood and her love for the elven man. She told her about Dagna, that the two had started a quiet affair, and she had such stories of Red Jenny and her foreign life as an elf of the city. Sene listened eagerly, all the time, finding Solas with her eyes, and he would give a small touch. Security in a place of death and blood in the snow.

Despite Sene’s dreams, whenever they slept in the Emprise du Lion, Solas held her with serious possession. He slept deeply when he drifted, without stirring, and his arms hardened around her as stone. A carefulness and new severity imbued them, each movement guessed and exchanged as mind-reading. Somehow, it felt new. Sera noticed one morning, as Solas helped Sene into her jacket: “You do that like it’s all you’ve ever done,” she said to him.

“Perhaps it is,” said Solas. “Perhaps each night I help Sene out of her jacket, and then each morning, I help her back in again. Would that shock you?”

“The two of you,” said Sera. “Like green on sky. Eggs on toast.”

“Interesting perspective,” he said.

From As You Were - Chapter 6: La Crosse (Pt. 1) / The Lapp Farm (Pt. 1)

Joel and Noah drove until they hit what looked to be the town. They parked at an O’Reilly’s Auto Parts, hauled their backpacks onto their backs, and loaded their guns. The signs continued, most of them nailed to other kinds of signs: COTHS, they read. C.O.T.H.S.

C O T H S.

La Crosse had never been a big city. Joel didn’t know a lot, but he could gather as much. It wasn’t big, but it was a college town, and that college was big enough to have a football team. It would have been home to a lot of people during the initial Outbreak, probably forty or fifty thousand, and it was probably a metro-hub for these little Driftless, farming towns, too, with a good hospital, warehouses, factories, and some semblance of a retail industry. It would have been a lot of meth, he thought. Maybe not so much in the city proper, but in the outskirts, in the tin cans and the trailer parks. As a city on the banks of the Mississippi, it would have pretty pockets but mostly, it was just franchises and mini-malls, like anything else.

But this was strange, thought Joel. The goddam of it was, it seemed empty. Really empty. Like, god no longer smiled upon this place, as if something evil had given up on this place, gone on its way. There was nothing. Nothing bad, nothing good. Just the trees, and the nature noises, the grasses, which had grown so tall, they engulfed the cars abandoned at the side of the road. There was a McDonalds sign, growing out of a massive, twisted heap of vines and bramble and it made Joel think of small things that still broke his heart from childhood. He pushed it down.

“This is fucking weird,” said Noah. The air smelled ripe in some places. Rotten. Like an overgrowth of mold in the washing machine. “What the fuck is that smell?”

“Something bad happened here,” said Joel.

“Hey, look,” said Noah. He was headed toward another one of the signs. It said: COTHS.       

“Yep, another sign,” said Joel.

“No, look,” said Noah. He got closer. He had to snap a couple saplings to get to it. This sign was on the ground, leaning against a tree. He pushed back the tall grass, and the milkweed to reveal the rest.

Comparison: I settled on these excerpts because they are both descriptions of places and situations that are new to the characters involved. The biggest difference between my writing in 2016 and my writing now, as shown here, is that I have hugely simplified my prose and my approach to descriptive writing. Four years ago, I was still very flowery, and the dark, magical setting of Dragon Age only encouraged my dreamy, expansive sensibility. I used a lot of adjectives, figurative language, and fragments, and I tended to write big, sweeping descriptions of situations, rather than setting simple scenes. Tbh, I hadn’t really figured out scene-writing yet, at that point. It took me a while to realize how to make scenes do a lot of work in a short amount of time. Notice how I barely enter the scene in that first excerpt. It’s vague. It’s all happening at once. There is not really a specific scene being set in a specific setting at a specific time. I try to avoid that sort of thing now. While I don’t hate my old writing, and I think sometimes I do a nice job of hitting on the right atmosphere, my unwillingness to just enter the scene concretely is a little sophomoric and noncommittal here. Setting scenes is actually hard as hell. In doing this, I was avoiding the hard stuff without even realizing.

Now, I will say that while I am still improving, my writing has become much more concrete and to the point. I use figurative language, but I am much more judicious with my metaphors and similes. I prefer realism, it turns out. I want to describe true things, not ideas. Most of what I describe is there to build setting, whether it be through concrete description of place or a character’s actions in a place. Sometimes I will use my language to evoke a certain kind of atmosphere, but I try not to go overboard. I want my language to be practical, not tricky and overblown. I like strong, complete sentences (with the occasional fragment) and descriptions of specific actions and scenes in real time, rather than fragmented, dreamy language or a style that is overly stream-of-consciousness. I still use Free Indirect Style at times, and I will narrate thought, because I like going into my character’s heads, but I now practice much more stoicism. I do not let my readers know too much directly about what my characters are feeling. I find that this is much more true to what I want to evince with my writing. I now try to imply thought and emotion via what my characters do, what they don’t do, what they say, and what they see. Moving away from Solas, a very “talky” and intellectual character has helped me do this. While I love Solas, writing Joel and Arthur really improved me tenfold, as they tend to speak very little. They are not terribly ponderous in all they decide. They choose their words wisely and let their actions speak most of the time, helping me do the same.

In the past, my focus was almost always on language, ideas, and atmosphere. I wanted to evoke bigness at every turn. Drama, beauty, unfolding abstract ideas and feelings made of synesthesia, using my language to elevate simple feelings and ideas into something epic. But now, and maybe it’s just because I’m getting older or I have less time, idk, but I just want things to be what they are. I want to reveal feelings and themes, not evoke them through force. I want the scenes to speak for themselves. I let the reader do a little more work. I withhold much more. In fact, I rarely write interiority these days. Inner-monologue and emotions come sparingly. One sentence here and there. Never in rambling, abstract, unfurling paragraphs, which The Dead Season is full of. I am always reaching for economy now, and efficiency. It is better for me! Though I do play around still, from time to time, with my language. I will always be a little playful.

[fangsmyth]

i’ve been meaning to analyze the shit out of his poem but..... i’m on break now so i have time

it’s prefaced as “ a poem written in free verse, based on something haunting me as of late reflecting on one of my most complicated and passionate past relationships ” so while i know for a fact i could derive MANY different meanings i’m focusing strictly on this intention

i’m normally really bad at analyzing poetry but..... for Him i will Try ( this is a lot of nonsense rambling please do not mind me i am a fucking idiot if anyone has any other onions i’d love to discuss! ....p-please do not steal;;; )

gaslighting and emotional abuse warning under the cut but who’s fucking surprised

What is the meaning of a memory? A question I oft ponder Intangible and untraceable by anything but the mind Yet so potent as to leaVe one sick As if poisoned or Wounded in a literal sense.

just kind of setting the stage i guess is the best way to call this part? his first fucking stanza is god damn terrible memories leave scars that no one can see i could’ve come up with this in my goth phase

And What meaning is there in regret and longing? Can my lamentations change the past? Will they moVe the future? Shall they amount to much more than What unmoors my here and noW?

p self explanatory imo? this goes into a bit of detail about how despite the relationship being over, he’s still thinking about it and he feels bad about what he did and how he treated them.

‘ Will they moVe the future? ’ implies that despite his regret, he doesn’t feel like he’ll learn from his mistakes since he’s made them so many times before. especially so with the next line ‘ Shall they amount to much more than What unmoors my here and noW? ’

he already feels insecure, and any future mistakes he makes are just going to contribute to that;;

If I restrict my World to that but Which is before my eyes To those Whom I may touch, to that Which I might alter; One Would no doubt conclude that thoughts of You are last among What I could consider to “matter”.

this a really interesting stanza, recognizing that the past and present don’t matter, much less any people in the past that hurt him. he knows he should be looking at the here and now, but he can’t help but feel anxious about what happened and what will happen in future relationships.

( also keep in mind that ‘You’ is capitalized, not as a part of lanque’s quirk despite how naturally it seems to fit with his quirk. i kind of ended up interpreting it how ‘You’ is capitalized like you would ‘God’ and ‘Lord’ implying lanque puts this person on an insanely high pedestal? )

it’s super interesting imo that he chooses to say ‘could’ instead of ‘should’, implying he sees it as an option to stop thinking about the other but not a necessity or, for that matter, the best option he has. 

it implies that he recognizes that he has the option to learn from his mistakes, but........

And still You haunt me yet, like a scar, like a disease uneager to abate. Who are You and Who am I, after so long Without You?

it kind of hit me at this point that despite the fact that it was something lanque was recently thinking about, it’s... possible that it wasn’t a recent relationship. he’s clearly fully submerging himself into the role of the victim in this horrible relationship with emotional abuse to the point of forced codependence.

i’m legit having a hard time telling whether this is a matter of lanque making himself out to be the victim ( as emotional vampires often do ) or the very real possibility that he honest to god was the victim of a horrible relationship that left him..... permanently scarred to the point he feels like all relationships are just SUPPOSED to be that way 

i’m gonna mainly use language that points towards the latter despite the fact that i honestly believe the more obscure and difficult to explain possibility that this is him trying to put himself in the shoes of someone he treated like garbage ( since idk i feel like he’s really good at recognizing and understanding peoples’ emotions, just not so much feeling them himself )

talking about it as if he were actually the victim just makes this a lot easier to analyze

i’m kind of...... getting ahead of myself though lemme lay down the next stanza

I knoW I don’t knoW I Won’t knoW; What do I knoW but What I knoW and What can it eVen mean to KNOW?

an allusion to gaslighting. i’m bad at writing out definitions i literally just know things my brain is huge and you’re all just jealous so to copy paste from the wikipedia google search result

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity.

i *loudly gestures* i don’t feel like i need to explain much further! going between saying he knows and doesn’t know, literally talking in circles and questioning what the concept of keeping knowledge even means!! this relationship kind of fucked him up!!!!!!

knoW, knoW; No!

kind of redundant that this line is on its own, just implies getting fed up and ready to leave?

Agh, though it so Vexes me, Though so little I Valued it When it Was before me, a thing and a You I could touch and see and knoW and hate and Wonder. (reVile/Worship).

AH HERE’S THE GOD SHIT AGAIN I KNEW IT WAS HERE SOMEWHERE!!!

lanque didn’t see this person as such a central figure when he was in the relationship, or it’s possible that he simply didn’t realize how important they were to him. their godliness implies that this person was always above him, that it was a privilege to be graced with their presence alone.

this (reVile/Worship) shit in my mind reads very similar to one of the ten commandments saying ‘we must fear and love god’ or some shit like that, but it doesn’t quite fit. it’s highly probable that it just implies that the relationship walked on a very fine tightrope between kismesis and matesprit ugh i went so long without using homestuck terms i’m sad now.... anyways this is call back to that implication of choice i was talking about earlier that’s built on more immediately

NoW it, and You, are a traceless ghost, and I preoccupy myself With nothing but futile tasks of (RE)definition and (RE)interpretation and circuitous dWellings on that Which I understand eVen less noW.

SUPER obvious but the person in the relationship is gone and lanque doesn’t know what to do without them. goes over how it’s hard for him to tell whether this is a refining of his pre-existing personality or just a brand new one all together. again, a choice as to whether or not that’s how he wants to approach it

the path to this reinvention is brought about through a bunch of rebounds and new relationships, ‘circuitous dwellings’ implying he possibly stayed in some of them for too long and he honest to god has no idea why? like he wasn’t enjoying himself, he wasn’t really being reinvented. it solidifies that it was flat out a new definition as lanque is more or less going through the motions

than in the times When my Wonderings might’Ve been so easily ansWered With a question or a bite or a kiss, or eVen a single Word, spoken honestly.

STRANGE to me how this starts as if it continues the past sentence despite the fact that it DEFINITELY ends in a period i double checked 

anyways

he also finds himself having a MUCH easier time following the motions than trying to internalize and understand this relationship. ‘wonderings’ being... pretty obviously just anxiety thoughts like you know how your brain just says things that aren’t true

and figuring out if they were would’ve been easy if he just said something or did something!!

Pressed though I am to giVe color to our bond I look not to onyx nor ash but that Which pulses Within our Very Veins: that so blinding jade, hard as the stone for Which it is so named,

interesting that this sort of starts an outline towards giving the subject an actual identity?

like specifically saying “pulses within our very veins: that so blinding jade” OBVIOUSLY says that it’s another jade in the cloister that this is about?

usually i’d like to say that writers usually don’t do this without reason but despite the praises i constantly speak alone in my room about the endless array of implications in every other thing that comes out of lanque’s mouth i also know v is a fucking hack and a got damn terrible writer

some gremlin at 3am whispered in my ear in the middle of the night saying this is about a past relationship with bronya and i did have some points but bronya is too good so i’m going to tell that gremlin to go fuck himself

tWisted and pulled hammered and forged shaped, unnaturally as if a chain.

there were so many things they went through to try and get this to work, but it kind of just came up as an obviously fucked up mess. likely considering that it would’ve ended/ran its course a lot better if they didn’t even try getting together. 

i wish every stanza was this simple

A stricture Within scriptures; a certain so meaningful tincture.

calling back to that whole “easily answered with a question, or a bite, or a kiss, or a single word spoken honestly” and those whole religious undertones that i keep pushing this solidifies that i’m not fucking crazy

GOD there’s so much in this little piece the very fact that his object of affection’s voice and words alone leave him feeling that he literally has no room to speak. the stricture is like a noose around his neck if he talks out of turn, hence the frustration that he knows something his wrong but he simply isn’t allowed to say something.

until he gets his hand on that ‘meaningful tincture’. alcohol gives him the courage to speak up and defy that gospel, alluding to his dependence on drugs and why they’re so important to him! it’s a lifestyle he wouldn’t give up because he’d hate to be silenced again!

Resent You though I must, EnVy You though I may,

emphasizing that shit i was talking about earlier with could vs. should, lanque feels like the right thing to do is look back at this in scorn. he should despise this person he idolized so much and envy how easy it was for them to lock him in such a vulnerable position for so long yet here he is..... thinking about them again

NoW leagues and leagues stretch betWeen us And I make peace With not but What I say.

these lines are pretty transparent. this was never resolved, there was never a proper conclusion to this relationship. they kind of just drifted apart, but lanque can take solace in the truth and completion of this poem. he makes peace with the fact that he acknowledges all of the problems in the relationship, and chooses to make them a part of him rather than something to just scowl and scoff at

You are only that Which is Within me, my blood and my mind and that is at once nothing, and the most elementary definition of eVerything.

i’m tired man i wrote like what 5 google drive pages about it i feel like i’d be repeating myself since this is his equivalent of wrapping it up and tying it in a lil bow

just because it happened and ultimately doesn’t matter doesn’t mean he didn’t internalize it?

this sort of ended up defining the person he became since it just shook him that badly man

do i need to go into more depth than that i just want some fucking chicken

[sootonthecarpet]

Hey feel free to ignore but uh. You seem like a guy who has sex? And I was wondering if you had any good resources abt safe sex etc esp from a trans friendly angle? I recently started dating my bf and it's both of our first relationships ever (in our mid 20s lol) so we want to eventually Do It but we're taking our time and trying to be safe about it and I kinda feel like I don't even fully know what I don't know??? They also seem to have more just baseline knowledge abt this stuff than me and I don't want to seem like I'm not taking things seriously or something :/

(Also if I can complain for like 5 seconds it's super frustrating how all the info online seems to be that condoms should be everywhere and super easy to find but I literally haven't seen any since my high school library was giving them out half a decade ago!!!! Like I've been trying gas stations corner stores etc and I just don't see them idk if I'm just missing them or looking in the wrong place or what 😡😭 /rant over)

hey, congrats! it's really cool that you and your bf are getting to figure this stuff out together! i don't think you happening to know less to start off with would make you look frivolous, not your fault it's hard to find good honest useful sex ed info right now, and you seem like you're being totally thoughtful about this! going slow and doing research is good, imo it's a good idea to be upfront with your bf about feeling like they know more than you--it can be really weird to feel less aware than ur partner about like Anything, and talking it out so you know what their expectations towards you are can help a lot, plus sometimes you find out they've been feeling the same way. I am always saying to talk about it to em though.

I know a decent chunk about safe sex but it's been gathered up piecemeal rather than from like, specific, recommendable resources, so I can give pointers in theory (guess you can ask me specific questions if you have any? if I can't answer I can always look em up) but it's harder to point you along to a proper source of info. i must have read Primed at some point, and it goes around posts on here a lot, but I don't really remember firsthand how useful or comprehensive it was, beyond being a resource booklet aimed at male couples involving at least one trans guy. I'm sure there are a lot of other guides at this point, too! but I'm not really sure how to find em, off the top of my head. I feel like I learned a surprising amount about partnered sex and safe sex practices from reading sex toy review blogs (thoughtful longform stuff in the vein of heyepiphora).

this is kinda silly but it helped me back in the day; wikipedia has a lot of articles on sex acts (and different kinds of contraceptives and barriers, source links here can get you to VERY useful info on em!!!) and I feel like they may help you wrap your head around stuff you may not have much context on. like even just the 'sex positions' article is like, a decent starter place--it uses heteronormative language intermittently and VERY cisnormative language throughout + has a fair amount of chaff, but it's also a remarkably comprehensive list of all kinds of configurations for penetrative and non-penetrative sex, & even describes how simpler acts like frottage and mutual masturbation can work (which often gets skipped over 😭). it's kinda crap if you have to juggle like, physical disabilities or the ways that fatness can change how two people's bodies interact, and includes a lot of obscure, back-hurty-lookin penetrative sex positions that get disproportionate use in porn, but it can definitely be a good jumping off point for poking around online for more info, or introduce you to new concepts/bolster your faith in your interest in something you were thinking about but weren't sure was A Thing People Actually Do In Bed.

also akxlaldf listen about half the condoms I've used in my Life came from a huge amount of free ones I accumulated in one summer like nine years ago (volunteered at an LGBT center and would take one or two home from the free bin every day, plus got a big bag of freebies at a transmarch) like ??? I do see em in stores in my area, but they can be so weirdly annoying to find when you're actually looking for em. if you can online order, most sex toy sites (like shebop or goodvibes or whatever the fuck) will also sell condoms in singles and multipacks (& usually a lot more kinds than you'd find in a store, which can make it nice if you're specifically needing to find unlubricated, flavored, bigger ones, latex free, etc).

but yeah feel free to message if you have specific questions, I wish I could provide better info off the bat 😆 also some extremely miscellaneous stuff that's like, entry level but still worth repeating: it's helpful and common to like, pop a pillow under your hips to improve your angle (wedge pillows are your friend if you happen to have one around) or grab a footstool to even out heights if you're doing something standing up, stuff like that. you can nab a cushion or kneepads if anyone's gonna be kneeling on a hard surface too. a longer strap-on can be helpful when figuring out positioning, so you don't need to get your pelvises as close together to make it work. talk stuff over ahead of time if you can, both to get more familiar with what you and your partners' wants are and to help sketch out some approximate boundaries ahead of time. sex toys are a great convenience, but get 'body safe' materials if you can; silicone, metal, glass, and most hard plastic toys can all be sterilized; PVC rubber, 'jelly' toys and ones made out of what's often called cyberskin or sexflesh or stuff like that (TPE, thermoplastic elastomer) can't, and some may let off harmful chemicals like phthalates (or just plain disconcerting oils and aromas) as the plastic breaks down. (if you're goin for it anyway? PVC holds up ok but is a bit stiff, TPE feels luxurious but rips SOOO easy, and I've never bothered with jelly.)

there's never any shame in finding certain sex acts, or just certain elements of intimacy, overwhelming or stressful! your like process of developing a sexual awareness and skill set doesn't have to follow any set pattern, and you and your bf are always allowed to make concessions to be sure your n their own boundaries and needs are met (I get overwhelmed easily on a sensory level, and I had a long term relationship where I wore gloves almost every time I fingered my partner bc the mix of textures was a lot for me at the time, regardless of how we swapped fluids regularly).

you probably heard this one before a whole bunch, but i legally can't let u go without saying that peeing after sex as soon as you're ready to get up is a VERY good idea, regardless of your anatomy--it flushes out your urethra, which helps reduce your risk of getting a urinary tract infection (which isn't rly about if the sex was protected or not--it's just easy for bacteria from other places on your own body to be introduced to your urethra during sex, regardless of ur partner's saliva/fluids.) no shame if it doesn't work, I got a uti from jackin it once, stuff happens! which brings me to my conclusion, which is that u gotta always keep in mind how weird and awkward and funny sex is and that it's normal and good for it to be all those things. excited for u! wishing u well.

[ourlittlebitofnothinguniverse]

Hey for the ask thing, all the questions you're comfortable with answering

oh boy!!! heck yeah fun shit thanks my dude! little did u Kno…… I LOVE oversharing !!! lmao muahahahahaha i’m probably gonna answer all of them thank u for enabling it lmfao

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

yah on Rly Bad days

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

like… 3.5? i like the dark but,,, ‘m Scare,,,,,

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Orange Turnip

4. What is your favorite word?

it changes tbh,, hm but i can’t think of any rn!

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

i’d be….. a nice oak! thicc and full of secrets

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didn’t lmao reflection what’s that

7. What shirt are you wearing?

i’m wearing the dress i wore to work

8. What do you label yourself as?

annoying or boring lmao but also the Goblin King and that is Good

9. Bright room or dark room?

i still don’t know if this is referring to like paint shade or like the amount of light it gets or like if i sleep in a bright room or dark room so like??? *shrug emoji*

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

i was?? drawing i think

12. Who told you they loved you last?

i think it was @wrenn-frug​ 💕💖 lov u fren!

13. Your worst enemy?

dunno man probably myself but that sounds cliche so like??? the sun bc it always burns me

14. What is your current desktop picture?

a screenshot from song of the sea!!! lOVE that movie!!!! i’d post it but like?? i don’t think i have it saved anymore or if i do i don’t feel like looking but it’s that one scene where they’re walking thru the pretty field towards the trees and there’s foxes in the corner and she’s playing the shell it’s so pretty,,,,,

15. Do you like someone?

uh yah my cat

16. The last song you listened to?

Young God - Halseygood song lov it,,,,

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

oraNGE TURNIP

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

orange turnip my dude i Hate

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

uh nobody ????

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

my squishy thighs and my fantastic stretch marks (which have taken me YEARS to accept)

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

No

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

????????????? secret???? talent?????? lemme check, ,, , , *reaches into a bag* nope bitch empt y aint got No Talent lmao

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

okay so like this is really dumb and i partially answered this in this ask abt the flushing toilets @ night thing but like to elaborate and make it even more dumb not only am i afraid to flush toilets @ night bc it’s just rly creepy and loud to me (esp if i’ve been asleep) but like,, , sort of in the same vein of fear is that when i was little my older sister told me that there was a ghost in the toilet and if i don’t flush it’ll get me and like i kno it’s not tru but like,,,,,, Sometimes,,,,,, (i must clarify i’m not scared of toilets themselves but like flushing freaks me out sometimes like @ night or if i don’t flush fast enough lmao don’t look @ me i’m a mess)

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Excuse? is this like that i can ONLY eat this sandwich or is it that this is the only sandwich i can ever eat or like i can only ever have one last sandwich bc honestly i’m Not Okay with any of those scenarios no matter how many ingredients i get for the initial creation

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Dream daddy dating simulator lmao uh?? also probably more food for archie bc he is Expensive

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Ireland probably. always wanted to see ireland

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

“Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out” like???? no???? if u don’t drink alcohol why would u want a lifetime supply??? unless i could like…. sell it??? whats the Most Expensive kind i’ll just get an unending supply of heavenly Expensive Alcohol to sell for incredibly inflated prices to the rich bc it’s From Heaven and give the money to the poor bc like,,, why not

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

bitches gotta keep they damn opinions to themselves if they can’t respect somebody’s life based on factors they can’t help (race, religion, orientation, gender etc) also no money like We Don’t Need It i’m so tired of Needing money

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuck bc u can use it in So Many situations

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

o shit probably the twenty dollar metallic watercolors i got bc shit son??? actually probably like my laptop or smth idk

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

my childhood thx

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

this is.. not a questionalthough it is a wonderful scenario

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

none of them bc if the celestial gates of the beyond is real then all the people i’d want to bring back are probably in a Better Place or something and why would i want to drag them to Hell?

34. What was your last dream about?

Cannot remember to save my life altho i kno it was rly weird and convoluted

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

u did not put anything Here so i will Ignore

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Nope

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yAH it’s fun!

38. What is the color of your socks?

not wearing any

39. What type of music do you like?

A Lot

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets,,, evening is so nice mm m

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate ayyyy

43. Do you have any scars?

a couple but like for Dumb Reasons

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I’ve graduated hs but i wanna be an animator when i decide which college to go to

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

my brain pls bartender can i have a Healthy One (correction to favorite word #4: fav word currently is deign)

46. Are you reliable?

i would like to think so

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are you happy?

48. Do you hold grudges?

YAH but only if i’ve been Pushed Too Far which is Pretty Damn Far by most ppls standards

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

none I am Not a God

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

i have had So Many???? the most recent one was two times in a row random ppl i barely knew asked me for my netflix account bc they didnt have one and like…. bro what who R U,,,,, (i had literally only talked to the first guy once for ten minutes on fb)

51. Are you a good liar?

is the sky green? don’t think so

52. How long could you go without talking?

Very Long but like Only on Bad Weeks

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

None my hair is Magnificent (idk)

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

like birthday cake? never but i lov to bake cakes so like i bake myself cakes all the time

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

i am so bad @ accents i can’t even Read in my Head in accents even though i know what the accent Should Sound Like

56. What do you like on your toast?

peanut butter and banan slices

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

working on a picture of a tiger redraw

58. What would be you dream car?

a Bike bc i Do Not Like cars

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i only sing in the shower when nobody is home (which is infrequent bc my mom is Always here) bc i am self conscious around most ppl but like Music,,,,, also when i was little i would pretend that i was standing in the rain all sad like in movies lmao

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yah

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

i follow an astrology blog and i read homestuck i mean,,

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

i??? A maybe bc there are a lot of ways to write it pretty idk but like specifically capital A ig

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Dragons they’re fire-breathing friends and i love them

64. What do you think about babies?

Gross

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

U Didn’t put anything Here either so like how abt i give u a random fact abt myself that seems good my favorite bird is the lammergeier bc they’re basically irl dragons and they’re so pretty??? love them??? also i hate monkeys and apes esp chimpanzes bc they are scary and too much like humans to me i don’t like them

BOY that took way longer than i thought bc i had to feed my cat halfway thru and everything and like this is a Long Post sorry guys but ayyyyy this was fun thanks ari

[undesired-attention]

okay, i have a little bit before i want to go to bed so ig ill write about whats been going on

my dad found out i smoke weed, but he hasn’t tried talking to me about it or brought it up to me. he told my mom he knew because i ordered this pretty pipe to smoke from that is a crystal, but i had it accidentally shipped to my house and my dad found it in the mail. it was shipped from china so it had what it was on the package, but he still left it with my ipsy bag to get when i woke up the next day so idk. he’s found out i was doing stuff like that before, maybe not pot but cigarettes and would scream at me and stuff but he didn’t with this, and since he hasn’t yet i know he won’t at all (unless relevant in his eyes in a future fight, always possible). he basically told my mom to tell me not to get caught with it in my car, which i wont. 

these next two things are both things that happened yesterday so these are what sparked the slight urge/interest in wanting to type it all out,

so first i came back from lunch yesterday and my roommate was standing in our kitchen and said “you just missed the craziest shit” and i was like lol, okay what. she broke up with her boyfriend over the weekend and had sex with another boy (what a life, right? whatever tho) and he was in our room with her yesterday just hanging out because they are really good friends and are going on a group trip somewhere and were looking at plane tickets. so she heard the front door open and close then heard nothing, so she got up and opened her bedroom door and her ex was right there screaming at her to open her door and talk to him and she was holding the door closed screaming at him to leave and the boy in the room was helping, but apparently he had ACL surgery recently and couldn’t really help, so her ex eventually got in. he shoved my roommate into the closet, knocking her curtain down (we don’t have closet doors in our dorms here) on her face, then started screaming at the boy “you fucked my girlfriend” because he had hickeys on his neck from the previous night with her, and he just made up a lie that he had a gf and whatever. so they got into a fist fight, it moved out into our kitchen, then out into the dorm hall and my roommate was screaming and calling the police and the RA down the hall. 

so at this point her ex runs out of the building with my RA chasing him telling him to stop, 5 cops show up, and it was 12:30 and she had class at 1 so they only talked to her for a few seconds and then she had to leave for class then go to the police station after. (this is when i came back, there was no cops and she was literally walking out the door) well her ex was texting her saying “im on campus, im not telling you where i am, and im not leaving until you talk to me” so she had a bunch of bigger boys walk her to class, and basically her friends ended up seeing him just off campus at a wawa and chased him here into the police station (where she was at this point, after class) and she didn’t press charges and neither did the boy he fought, but the police banned him from campus. 

--okay next story 

also yesterday, i went to my clinical. i really wasn’t in the mood, i was tired. our prof. showed up 40 minutes late and said the boy in our group who was assigned to go to the children’s ER (special experience for our peds rotation) called in sick so one of us needed to go in his place, so i went because we don’t have to fill out any paperwork due the following week so that just made my life slightly easier at this point in time. so i got down there and talked to the charge nurse and she said they were getting an emergency trauma in ~5 minutes so just to hang around and watch (usually we are assigned a nurse, nothing exciting usually happens, just respiratory infections usually or accidents like broken bones and burns) so they got this 17 yo girl unconscious from a suspected suicide attempt and i got to watch in the room as like 20 people total were talking and running around getting stuff for her. it really was exciting, i got to watch them insert an IO (im assuming thats how you use the abbreviation) which is an IV they drill into the bone in the leg when they can’t get peripheral IVs in (happens in IV drug users, this girl was very dark skinned though and it was hard to see veins) so they draw her blood, get her on a vent, insert foley, several epi drips, several narcan attempts (antidote for heroin) and nothing was reeeeally helping, so the lab work came back and she had a blood sugar of 1400, which is AMAZING because that’s INSANE i’ve NEVER EVER EVER heard of blood sugar over 600-700 range from when i work in the ICU as an aide and i take blood sugars there, but this was basically BEYOND critically high. i didn’t even believe the nurses when they told the doctor in front of me, i thought they had to have been talking about a different value. her creatine was also SEVEN, for an ADULT female it should be under basically 1, she isn’t even an adult yet and it was 7x that.

basically, her Dx was diabetes, DKA to be specific. she didn’t have a known diagnosis of diabetes, so this wasn’t expected at all. the nurse told me this girl must have been sick for months and nobody really noticed. so because her creatine was 7 and BS 1400, her kidneys were basically destroyed. she will be on dialysis for the rest of her life because of this. another doctor came in to insert a dialysis catheter so they could start her STAT because that was the only way to lower her levels at that point and i was just like a lil mouse squeak “can i watch?” and he was like “yes please! that would be great, as a nurse you’ll assist in these and it will be really educational.” so i was like iight then, i had to basically scrub in and then he talked me through (along with a med student) how it all worked, it was really cool actually and there was a LOT of blood, which doesn’t bother me but i’ve just never in person experienced that before. it was pretty neat, the whole experience was not expected. at one point a nurse asked me”do you have any questions?” and i was like “oh god, not that i can think of,, i wasn’t even supposed to be here today!” so i got really lucky. i won’t be able to follow up with her, but hopefully she is okay and can recover. 

the last thing i wanted to mention that was shocking:

i was sitting at my window last thursday and it was a really really nice day so my window was left open (i open it to smoke cigarettes out of it, not allowed but i’m just a rebel whatever) and i heard a girl sobbing and screaming into her phone below my window and i looked down and there is a little table hidden in an area where you can’t really see it, the main lounge in my building protrudes from the rest and there is all picnic tables around it and it’s just a little corner where people go to smoke weed and stuff, so i just took a picture of her and sent it to my friends saying there was a girl screaming at her boyfriend on the phone crying below me. so about 5 minutes later i look back down because she’s still crying and she’s just clearly (from my angle, directly above her) cutting herself. she kept looking around to see if anyone could see, but she never looked up. i was SO SHOCKED at this point that i texted one of my friends who has gone through a lot of the same things as me (past history of self harm, to a pretty “bad” extent) and asked if she was in her room (my building) and she wasn’t, she was still in class so i told her what was going on and so she told me when she was leaving and a minute or so after she started walking back the girl got up and left. i just didn’t know what to do, i just know i’m the type of person that when i’m upset or even when i used to hurt myself and if i ever did again, i don’t like talking about it. if someone tried i’d just shut them down or walk away. but i didn’t know this girl at all, so i didn’t know if she was going to flip out, run, try to hurt herself/me so i didn’t go down. it all happened so fast so i didn’t call anyone else, and she hasn’t been back since.

it was just surprising and like blood-chilling to look down and see a girl hurting herself because i’ve never WATCHED someone else do it, i used to do it really bad, i have scars from my wrist to my armpit on my right arm (left handed aye), some on my left upper forearm, my thighs and stomach so i can really relate to self harm, but i just have a hard time relating to people because my friends in high school were just complete opposites of me, they were/are just such happy people overall and none of my close friends ever were depressed or self harmed so i just never really had anyone to relate. so i didn’t know what to do. 

okay, so that’s all of it. i feel really bad it’s so long, but it’s been about a weeks worth of stuff built up.