#idk I’m still just anxious about posting my fanfic and au ideas and stuff

[djbluefire]

Me overthinking things and then catching myself overthinking things and then overthinking how I should stop overthinking things

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[the--highlanders]

tagged by @penny-anna, thank you!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

142!

What’s your total AO3 word count?

473,453... hopefully I’m on track to hit 500,000 by the end of the year! like obvs it’s not really about the word count & when I’m writing I’m not thinking that I have to make things longer (tho I think my fics have been getting naturally longer lately? I think I’m spending more time on descriptions and scene-setting. which I like but which def hasn’t been a conscious choice) BUT I am using word count goals to stave off the temptation to count kudos and notes & then get anxious about that. sir that is my emotional support ao3 word count.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

the only fandom I’ve properly posted stuff for is dr who... if you go back far enough in my main blog there might be like, 2 sh*rlock fics on my main blog. wouldn’t recommend it tho I was still in high school when I wrote them GFDJHS

I did write for both sh*rlock and torchwood tho. also warrior cats when I was quite a bit younger. & teeechnically my first fanfic was for the saddle club. but I was like, 3. so I didn’t know what a fanfic was. I was just writing a ‘book’ about the horses.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(excluding timetracks because it’s not a fic to me, it’s a collection, I only put it in one ‘fic’ so I wouldn’t have to come up with individual titles for everything in it gjdhfks)

- stones

- tenth time lucky

- coincidences

- lucky guess

- amber

which is. an interesting selection gdfjkg

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! I don’t get that many so it’s doable. I do need to get better at answering them quickly though jkdf I am very small and a little bit shy and people are very nice

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

oo idk maybe longing for a time that never came? (no idea why I called it that ghdfk. it’s kind of pretentious for something that never had any rhyme or reason to it). because like. are they going to survive? idk!!!

(would also like to plug this art @ettelwenailinon made for that fic because I love it and also can’t believe it’s four years old??? hello????)

more recently I think it’s the kirkyard (which is a title I actually like!! I really like this fic actually) because two can’t do any more than get jamie out of the church but jamie doesn’t KNOW and he doesn’t understand why two doesn’t even stop to talk to him & it’s painful imo

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not really! I’ve nothing against them, I just don’t tend to write them.

I wouldn’t really class my daemon au as a crossover because like. it’s not really set in the hdm universe, just uses the concept of daemons.

on the other hand I feel like the only crossover I have /is/ pretty niche and a bit wild. lifeboat is a crossover with ark: survival evolved which is very dear to my heart & in my head sits quite nicely with the dr who universe. that fic was SO self-indulgent to write but I loved it. plus the idea of victoria’s dad having THREE scientist friends who went mad in pursuit of godhood is so incredibly funny to me that I forget it isn’t canon

(also the character being referenced in that fic is now voiced by david tennant in-game/will be in the animated series so. gift of prophecy. dfjkhsglfk)

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

nope! like I said everyone has been very nice. the only hate has been from myself gdfhlk

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

don’t read it & don’t write it. just not my thing!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as I know o:

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean it’s two/jamie. I’ve been here for like 6 years. still digging my hole.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

talked about it in more detail in this ask but in terms of two-era stuff I’ve only got one that’s definitely never being finished and another that’s not got a great chance of being finished. & stuff I’ve written for other fandoms is just. look it’s gone gdjksdfdg. I don’t care about my dead sh*rlock wips it isn’t 2014 anymore

What are your writing strengths?

I honestly have no idea??? like I’m not being modest or anything, I genuinely don’t know. I think I can write some funny dialogue sometimes.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I’d really like to be better at plotting out longer fics tbh. having coherent plots and carrying through themes and details. people who can introduce an apparently inconsequential detail early in a fic and have it become relevant later in a way that makes you gasp are like, gods to me

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’m too nervous about getting stuff wrong so I wouldn’t do it unless I felt like I had enough of a grasp of the language to know what I was doing. but I am at a stage where I feel confident having some simple gàidhlig in my fics!! which is nice. I’d really like to be able to write more, and also to be able to write jamie’s dialogue with like. a sense of english as his second language/gàidhlig as his first? like in the occasional turn of phrase or way of putting something. outside of fic I’m super interested in what someone from that period who had gàidhlig as their first language and english as their second language would have sounded like and how they would have spoken.

my absolute dream would be to be able to translate all my fics completely into gàidhlig, but I’m probably years off from that, if I’ll ever be able to do it. I would really love to be able to write fiction in it, that would be a mark of proficiency in the language for me.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

kind of answered above!

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

oougkj idk!! I have so many now and honestly I forget about a lot of them.

the selkie au always has a special place in my heart, and I do love doing more historical-based ones, so I’ll say the kirkyard because I was already talking about it. if I can be a know-it-all while writing something I’m usually happy gjhklkh.

tagging @galacticlamps and anyone else who wants to do it!!

[zhilan]

Hello!

I'm doing some research for a paper on social media/blogging, so I wonder if I may ask some questions about the graphics you post? No usernames or personal information will be disclosed, your privacy will be completely respected. I'm sending this to the content creators I like most in the fandoms I like, so maybe you'll see some other people with the same weird anon.

- how long have you been on tumblr?

- do you work with graphics-related stuff irl?

- how many followers do you have?

- which were the main fandoms your blog has been through?

- have you ever quit or thought of quitting making content? if yes, why?

- do you ever get creative and/or artistic (like make things inspired by lyrics, fanfics, AUs etc)? link 2 or 3 examples?

- why do you like making content for tumblr? (personal satisfaction, people's reactions/tags, number of notes, etc)

- do you care how many notes your content generate? link 2 or 3 of the ones with the most notes?

Thank you very much and sorry for the long ask!

Yeah! No problem at all!

How long have you been on tumblr? Hmm. maybe 10 years, but on and off. Probably around 5 years not counting the in-betweens where I fall off the face of Tumblr

Do you work with graphics-related stuff irl? I used to do graphic design, but I don't do that anymore.

How many followers do you have? Idk I've always just liked the fact that this isn't accessible for anyone so I don't want to publish it (but I can tell you privately if you really need the number!)

Which were the main fandoms your blog has been through? This blog is my third move but... not counting my old blogs ~ Batwoman, Person of Interest, Charmed reboot, Lucifer, TLWGQ, Black Lightning, Supergirl

Have you ever quit or thought of quitting making content? If yes, why? Yeah. I mean I generally will still gif even when I know the fandom for it is dead. As long I love it, I have the motivation. So I'd still gif something despite knowing it'll get 25 notes because I love it. I just get really annoyed when people steal my gifs here and then post them on twitter without so much as asking or even bothering to give credit. And they do it a lot, and I know because I'm in those same fandoms and I literally see it on my twitter timeline. So that annoys me and that's what makes me want to quit. Like idk how gif stealers think gifs are made, but they literally take time. And I'm not asking for anything other than for people to not repost it, yk? Just reblog from me if you're gonna reblog. Retweet from me if you're gonna retweet. Like my post if you're gonna like it. Because I made that thing. That's literally it.

Do you ever get creative and/or artistic (like make things inspired by lyrics, fanfics, AUs etc)? link 2 or 3 examples? I'm not that creative with gifs honestly :)) I prefer gifing scenes, because those are what get me excited, but. I've done a couple of terrible ones (x, x)

Why do you like making content for tumblr? It's my way of fangirling. When I get excited, I gif, and it makes me happy, and I feel like it's a way to express my feelings and share my joy (or pain) about whatever I'm watching. No one in my real life loves shows the way I do so if I'm excited, even if I tell them I'm excited, they don't really understand it, if that makes sense. Not in the way that tumblr people do, when people reblog, comment, put their own thoughts in the tag, in a way that feels like I'm sharing my excitement and they're sharing their excitement with me as well. (Without necessarily having to have a direct conversation which helps because I'm a very anxious person lmao) So it's a pretty cool arrangement for me and I love it. Gifing also calms me down when I'm anxious, it keeps me occupied but not in a way that feels exhausting.

Do you care how many notes your content generate? To some extent. Like I mentioned before, I don't mind if my posts don't get a lot of notes, but it's also nice when they do get notes because it feels like people appreciate something you made, or people are happy about the same things that I'm happy about. Overall though, I honestly don't really check for notes past the first couple of hours I post, so I don't always notice how they progress unless I see someone reblog my gifset onto my dash 😂I don't have the patience to keep tabs on those so I legit have no idea which of my posts have most notes 😂😂 Sorry.

Hope this helps! Goodluck with your research!! ♥

[technoskittles]

Fanfic author asks

I didn’t get any asks regarding this but I still kinda wanna answer the questions anyway so here goes

1. What was your first fic and could you stand to reread it today?

I refuse to say what my first fic was and that should be answer enough to the second part

2. What’s your most recent fic and how far do you think you’ve come?

Most recent fic is Something Good Can Work

I think I’ve come pretty far from when I first started writing. I know there’s some things I could always be better at, but I’m way happier with the stuff I was writing 5 and 10 years ago.

WAY happier

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

Oh geez that’s kind of hard because there’s a few I’m pretty proud of.

If I had to name one, it’d probably be lost & different. It’s one of my longest oneshots to date and I ended up finishing it in 2 days so...go me.

4. In your opinion and without looking at any numbers, what’s your most popular fic?

Shot in the Dark. Hands down.

5. Is there any fic that makes you super happy to reread and remember you wrote that?

Pure Feeling probably. I think it’s mostly because it’s kind of out of place for me (I don’t typically do fics involving kids so it’s a nice change of pace)

6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?

A lot of my older fics from when I wrote for Teen Titans and Soul Eater. Dark times man....dark times.

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

Pure Feeling absolutely. And I actually do want to finish Fall From Eden, but I wanna rewrite it (I first published it about 4 years ago and not only do I want to fix some things plot-wise to incorporate more of canon into it, but there’s a lot I’m not happy with that I want to try and fix)

I also have a sequel lined up for Shot in the Dark.

But if I had to pick one, definitely Pure Feeling. I want to be able to actually finish a multichaptered fic for once and by dammit I’m gonna do it.

8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

That would be Shot in the Dark. There were a lot of things I wanted to do with that AU and while I don’t think I’ll get to most of it, I do at least want to finish the sequel.

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

Nope. I don’t write for things I don’t have an interest in and typically if I haven’t consumed it, I’m not interested

10. Have you ever written for a fandom without reading other fanfic for it?

A couple, yeah. I wrote a fic for Jessica Jones (although, after I did I ended up reading a couple fics for it).

Also did a couple of fics in my early years of writing for some stuff that people probably know nothing about (but if you’re curious, Princess Ai and Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl)

11. Have you ever written a fic for a concept you know someone else has done before? How did it impact your writing process or feelings after posting?

I feel like it’s hard not to? Most concepts in general have typically been done before by someone. We don’t create in a vacuum.

But if I do a concept I know I’ve seen before, I typically always try to make it my own somehow. Because since it’s been done before, others have most likely seen it, so I want to show them how mine is different. I like to push the boundaries, combine different concepts together, and really create a piece that makes it unique enough to set myself apart. 

I like using general concepts and deconstructing them before reconstructing them into something new that I like and want to share. And it’s always nice after I publish it and get feedback to see that people really enjoy the stuff I write.

12. Have you ever written a fic and decided never to publish it? Why?

Oh plenty for sure. More often than not, I started writing it and got stuck and then a) took so long I lost interest or b) took so long that I forgot where I was going with it

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

If we’re talking about style, I think that’s a bit harder to pin down depending on what I write. But I’ve noticed that with particular oneshots I’ve become more abstract in my writing so that’s cool

14. What’s the biggest change in your taste between when you started in fandom and today?

I used to read just about anything if it had my ship when I was younger, but as I grew older I became more and more picky. Some things can turn me off a fic completely. 

I also have really grown to dislike fics that are WAY to cliche and tropey. I love tropes as much as the next person, but I feel like some people just don’t do enough with it to really make it interesting. The more cliche your fic is without much else brought to it, the easier it is for me to forget it.

15. Have you ever purposefully written one fandom/fic idea over another because you knew it’d be more popular?

Nah. I don’t typically like writing things I’m not passionate about because it’s hard to hold my attention to finish it. If I write an idea, it’s because I wanted to, not because I figured it’d get me a lot of feedback.

16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention?

Not really. Like I said before, if I don’t write for it, it probably means I’m not awfully interested anymore

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

If we’re talking about any fics, probably one of the ones I wrote for Teen Titans in my earlier days.

But if we’re talking more recent, Talking Body. Idk. I just don’t think that fic is as interesting as I thought it was at the time but it blew the fuck up regardless

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

Hybrid. I’m mostly upset because it didn’t get as much attention as the prequel before it considering that garnered a lot of attention but...c’est la vie

19. If you had to pick one fic/scene/chapter of your work to describe your entire portfolio to a stranger, which would you pick?

Probably pillars. It’s probably one of the most interesting fics I’ve written in terms of formatting.

20. Have/Would you ever rewrite a fic? If yes, would you take the original down?

Like I mentioned before, I do want to rewrite Fall From Eden. And yes, if and when I eventually get to that, I would be replacing all the chapters currently up.

21. If someone starts kudosing and commenting your fics in a spree and has a few works of their own, would you go look through theirs?

Not typically. I appreciate the onslaught of feedback, trust me, but I prefer to parse through the fic lists of the ships of my choosing and read from there

22. Has there ever been anyone who’s made you freak out because they read your work and followed/favorited/reviewed?

Not that I can remember. I’m sure it’s happened, I just can’t remember it haha

23. What’s the nicest review you’ve ever gotten?

Oh jeez that’s a tough one I can’t remember them all.

This is one that’s stuck out though

“ You really captured what post-traumatic self-destructive behaviors feel like while staying so true to their dynamic as well as getting the characterization right to the T despite the fact that the show itself is obviously much less grim (not that it's not angsty, just far from this.) Beautifully written, the repetition and the parallels really put it all together. This piece hit home. I'll remember this one. Thank you for writing it. Thank you for sharing. “

-from as my World d[ivides]

24. What’s the meanest review you’ve ever gotten? Do you think the reviewer intended it?

I’ve gotten plenty of mean reviews but most of those are from my earlier days of writing. I can’t remember any particular ones so I also couldn’t tell you if the reviewer intended it or not

25. What constructive criticism, however well-meaning, always makes you feel bad when you see it in a review?

I wouldn’t say it makes me feel bad, but I know one review I’ve seen a couple of times is when people tell me that my writing gets too prose-y. The main reason it rubs me the wrong way is because while I’m sure they’re trying to be helpful, prose is part of my style less than the logistics and structure.

My descriptions can be a bit much sometimes I guess, but more often than not, it’s there for a reason. Whether it helps set the mood, gives insight to the characters’s thoughts/motivations/feelings that really set the story, or because I want to immerse the reader in the best way possible by painting a picture. 

So it’s just annoying when people tell me to tone it down because it’s too much for them. If you don’t like prose, then read something else. 

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?

My characterization. 9 times out of 10, that’s the thing I get most anxious about, so when people tell me I nail it it always makes my goddamn day

27. If you could only ever write crossovers or single-fandom fics ever again, which would you pick?

Single-fandom. Not a huge fan of crossover fics

28. if you could only ever write for a single crossover or a single fandom again, which would you pick?

Oof. That’s really tough because like I said, my interests change all the time. I typically jump from fandom to fandom and write for whatever I’m obsessed with at the time.

I guess if I had to pick though...RWBY probably. 

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

I’d say it’s about even for what I’m interested at the time. Biggest discrepancy though would probably be....either Miraculous Ladybug or Fairy Tail. 

I just don’t write much for those and read a lot so...

30. Do you continue to write for a fandom after you’ve moved on or do you focus solely on the new one?

Sometimes. Not too often. Because usually I’m so hyperfocused on the new shiny thing that most of my ideas end up being for that

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

I always worry that I do that for every character I write for haha.

I think my major concerns regarding that right now are Scorpia and Entrapta. For some reason I feel like they’re really difficult to write for.

32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

Yang probably. Maybe Adora

33. Is there any particular character whose scenes always wind up being longer/more frequent than you expected? Does the quality hold up?

I don’t think so?

34. Was there any fic that you wrote that really surprised you in the fandom reaction? Was it just by the numbers or did they take it an entirely different way?

I’d have to say as my World d[ivides] really surprised me. I really wasn’t sure how people would respond to that one given that it deals with a VERY sensitive subject and was positive I’d face a little bit of backlash. But honestly everyone actually really loved it and I got so much nice feedback from it.

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

Not usually

36. Have you ever sincerely written a ship you do not support into a fic?

Nope

37. Have you ever purposefully bashed a character/ship in a fic?

Not that I’m aware of

38. Have you ever purposefully written something you know your readers would find uncomfortable/would not enjoy? If yes, why?

I think that would probably be Sunflower. And if you’ve read that fic you know exactly what I mean.

If you haven’t read it, I won’t include spoilers, but I did explain myself at the end of it

39. Do you consider yourself to have a readership?

I think I have a few loyal readers yeah (and I love all of them)

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

HA!

41. If you cross-post your fics on multiple sites, do you have a favorite? Are there certain fics you would only post on certain site?

I used to crosspost when I first started on AO3 but after awhile I gave up bc I didn’t like ffnet’s set-up nearly as much. Sometimes I’ll post fics here on tumblr but I fucking HATE the formatting so...not much

42. How many views has your most popular fic gotten?

6,156 views (that would be Shot in the Dark)

43. Your least popular?

173 views - Scared to Breathe

44. Do you follow/favorite/kudos/comment/review more stories than you have received?

That’s really hard to say. I read a lot but I do have a few really popular stories so...

45. If you had to call yourself an author of a single genre (besides fanfic) what label would you give yourself?

I think my specialty is angst. You can ask most of my friends. 

46. Do you consider yourself a diverse author?

I try to be. But I do think I lean towards certain areas 

47. If someone you know in real life who isn’t involved in fandoms asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

Errrr...probably not? I tell people that I write fics, but I always get nervous when it comes to the thought of them actually reading them. It feels too personal somehow. Like, that’s a part of me I don’t usually let people see.

The only person who has is my boyfriend. And even then I get nervous when he does it

48. Does anyone you know from outside of fandom know you write fanfic? Are they involved in the same fandom too?

Yeah like I said, I’ve told some people. And they area typically interested in the original content, but I don’t know how involved they are in fanfiction or fandom itself

49. Has anyone in your life ever read your fanfic just because you wrote it?

My boyfriend

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

I would like to say it has. I’ve been writing for about 10 years now and it’s really opened up a lot of doors for me. I’ve met some really great people through fic and fandom. I’ve also grown as a writer after being at it for so long which has, strangely enough, helped me regarding essays and papers for school. 

Writing is kind of just what I do now. It’s one of my only contributions to fandom, so it’s nice to know I can take part somehow in generating content.

[taonsil]

end of year fic summary \o/

this is copied over from dw so isn’t a tagging thing, but please do take it if you want~ it was in shareable format originally.

dhjfd I set my w/c goal at half of what my actual output was last year because I hoped to do more art, I didn’t realise it was gonna be because of the block from hell. but! the last minute burst of enthusiasm at the end of the year got me there, just makes for a pretty repetitive summary orz

january: - february: autochoris yeol, chansoo drabble march: april: may: june: round trip july: watch the time cause no one's watchin' august: september: october: suyeol drabble november: sparkle dust, unbeleafable december: useless husbands wip!

total number of fics (edited and reuploaded drabbles included): 7

total word count: 61k

favorite: gonna have a lot of same-y answers this year as there's less to pick from OTL but favourite, definitely unbeleafable. I really had a love-hate relationship with creating it, but I'm so pleased with the final result. It's a 'verse I'd happily have continued writing if there hadn't been a deadline

the best: unbeleafable. maybe it was due to lack of practice or coming out the other side of a massive writers block, but my style changed a little and I think it really benefited this fic! but also it was my first real attempt at writing explicitly nd characters and a plot that revolved around those themes. I'm the first to hold my hands up to my first attempts at other subjects having been clumsy, so I feel like I spent months just tweaking and editing it;; I really bonded with the characters in this (and the sideplots/supporting characters) n, yeah, it's just something I'm really proud of

most underappreciated by the universe: round trip! it's probably the only true gen fic I've ever written, and pokemon au. I found it very fun and cutesy to work on and (again, probably bc of the block that was getting me down most of the year) I was pretty happy with how the details worked into it. it's not super interesting, but I did hope it would be enjoyed ;u;

most fun to write: sparkle dust and unbeleafable. sparkle dust was ripped from a draft I created around march, and it was awful. it was when I could barely string a sentence together. it got real fun rewriting it once I felt back on my feet and feeling more confident of the direction it was going in, and that it's on a subject I enjoy, as well as knowing it was a gift for cat :'D unbeleafable was much the same - I started it in may, dusted it off in october and basically rewrote the entire thing at a personal best speed once I felt connected to it and comfortable with how the writing was going (and I enjoyed adding in little details so much, I was honestly laughing like a loser at some scenes while I was working on them). also the gross husbands wip I’m working on rn, it’s 6k in and I’m enjoying it a lotttt

sexiest: I mean..it's sparkle dust bc its the only one with actual sex in lol (if it could go to a character it would be tao in watch the time though, before he knows that yeol isn't up for anything his dialogue and actions are pretty sexual). and the wip but I can’t really talk about it cause it’s not up yet D:

“holy crap that’s wrong even for you”: everything was just standard Me this year imo.. it's not /wrong/ in any way, but writing an explicitly autochoris fic was pushing my own boundaries wrt comfort writing a subject. I mean I guess a sloppy blowjob wasn’t very Me but

fic that shifted my own perception of the characters: unbeleafable and watch the time. watch the time because that was also lifted from an old (2015) work, and writing the 'verse in more detail changed the character's attitudes. it's the first time I've written a tao who is so charming, mature and relationship driven, while cy is softer and more anxious (where as previously he was usually my filler character when I needed someone loud). and unbeleafable was just uh..honestly jm's depression was an afterthought. it wasn't in the original outline (which in fairness was only aiming for a 4k meet-cute, not the extensive slow burn it turned into). that his depression started to become detailed and was then a major plot point basically developed as I wrote, and I was backtracking to adjust earlier details to fit it. that jm really defined himself and I had to catch up;;

hardest to do: watch the time, god. I think I spent four months on it. I can't even words how terrible my block was this year, it really got me down. even when I was writing stuff that I can look back at now and see was ok, it was like I couldn't even tell if what I was reading made sense. it's the slowest I've ever worked on something and it was a really painful process, but I loved the idea of it so it felt like something good to work on when I was in a bad spot. (unbeleafable caught some of that too - I was poking around the same 5k of it for several months and considered dumping it so many times orz)

biggest disappointment: sparkle dust..a bit..bc I'm still terrible at smut lmao even with the context of the scene I just feel I could have done it better

most telling: I mean, everything. watch the time is chantao, ace themes, gender themes, (there's even a mention of tao's tattoo) it's a very very Me fic. a few people guessed unbeleafable was me. in a different sense that was telling, because I wanted yeol to be so loveable and worked hard to portray issues that matter to me in good lights

a thing I’m surprised at: that my w/c is as high as it is all considered djhf but no like, really the biggest surprise I've ever had in all my time writing fic was how positive the response to unbeleafable was. I was so genuinely shocked, I was even saving screenshots of some of the comments in case they were deleted or something. I still am surprised tbh.

what pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you never would have predicted in January? chantao and chansoo were probably the only thing I did expect tbh. pokemon au, subaek smut, suyeol..none of that was exactly what I anticipated, considering last year and previous was mostly focal around suchen and sutaohun

story with single sweetest moment? hnnn the lil chansoo drabble about yeol cutting his hair is overall entirely affection based. and there's two scenes in unbeleafable - when cy hugs jm after their sort-of-date and jm buries into it, and when cy offers jm his sleeve to hold while they're talking. (djhfd also this marrieds wip. they’re Very married, there’s a lot of gross husband-ing)

the story that made you cry: unbeleafable 🌿 the entire theme of it is personal to me, both yeol's autism and jm's depression. at times I was letting it write itself, and I got quite upset when they reached the point of being unsure if their communication issue would resolve. it was hard writing those scenes, because I absolutely couldn't change yeol's character to make it easier, but at the same time I really felt for how desperate and hurt jm was. (also in a nice-cry kinda way when they resolved things I was just, YES ; A;) (hmm also watch the time a lil bit when they had the confrontation and yeol was sure they’d have to break up)

easiest story to write: round trip was kind of a breakthrough wrt the block, after a lot of struggling it came pretty easy and got done in a day or two~

most overdue story: watch the time. I've wanted to write about sex repulsion for a long time but always skirted around it. also literally, seeing as it took me months longer to complete than intended :'D

did you take any writing risks this year? what did you learn from them? mmm kind of, in the subjects I chose. writing about an autochoris experience and writing a repulsed ace wasn't uncharacteristic for me but my confidence was very low at the time and I felt very uncomfortable about it. and unbeleafable honestly terrified me, I felt so vulnerable waiting for that to post and probably wouldn't have done it if it weren't for the fact it was anon initially. for me it felt like a big risk posting something that I felt could get a bad reception to an fest. I nearly contacted the mods at one point to ask them if it was even a good idea orz (also I feel my style just..changed somewhere, idk, but I decided to go with it instead of trying to change it back. its going ok ??)

in regards to writing, what did you learn this year: dghfd that blocks do end and that forcing yourself to produce has varied success. most importantly, I learned that sometimes bad things /dont/ happen :P

do you have any fanfic goals for the new year? I'm gradually working through my list! from last year I've achieved 4k+ averages for smaller fics and also writing 15k+ longer ones. and even managed something rated :P hmm idk though. I've always said 'more plot and a chaptered fic', but I wonder if I even want to do that anymore? it was more just something to tick off than a personal goal. I kinda would still like to write something plot driven but I'm accepting that my niche is what it is and it's probably what I'm best at/won't get bored doing. it feels like it's taken me until now to really decide and gain the confidence to write about the kind of people I want. so a very gentle goal for the new year would just be regaining my confidence, getting around to making that inspiration/techniques page I've always meant to have, continuing to polish up my style, and enjoying! writing!! again so I can get back to having fun !! upping suyeol’s page count also sweats

[shadowthorne]

All the fanfic asks (or however many you're comfortable doing)

3. Do you prefer canonverse or AUs?

AUs, for writing in and for reading. AUs are just more fun to write tbh, and I can’t read canonverse because I’m TOO PICKY about how Shiro is written… And obviously the odds of me reading anything without him in it are slim, so. 

4. What fandom’s/ship’s fan fiction do you read the most?

I’ve literally read everything on the internet containing my OTP :D :D :D  It’s funny because I’ve written like 98% of it, so obviously I read it lmAO I’m literally crying 

5. What’s a crackship you love?

My OTP is a crackship lets be real  GrimmHichi duh 

8. Bed sharing or roommates AU?

¿por que no los dos?  ¯\_(◕ヮ◕)_/¯ 

9. Fake dating or arranged marriage?

Arranged marriage

10. Mutual pining or enemies to friends to lovers?

….can I skip the friends part? Enemies  to friends  to lovers.

11. Kid fic or childhood friends?

Childhood friends

12. Friends with benefits or secret dating?

Friends with benefits

13. Exes or established relationship?

Established relationship, I guess. 

15. Post the last line you wrote without context.

Shiro pushed around him with a plaintive sound while Grimmjow pulled the door shut. (literally the most boring line i could have stopped on last night… XD )

16. Describe your WIP that currently has the highest word count.

That is technically DwtF by a long shot.. But I think everyone’s got that one figured out so I’ll pick the next longest I guess? Which..is actually really annoying to determine because everything is broken into chapters OTL

My god. Ok. My longest running WIP, aside from DwtF, is that one tentatively titled Man Made Gods. It’s currently 44,127 words long. It’s set in a post apocalyptic world, long after mankind has destroyed the planet. It, in the most basic terms, is about the day to day struggles of a small group of people as they try to survive underground, while nature, and a madman trying to harness it, reclaim the above ground world.

17. Describe a fic that is still in the ‘ideas’ stage.

Listen. That’s every single one of my WIPs and at least half of my already completed fics.

18. Do you have a fic  reading/  writing routine?

Sure! Kind of. The first thing I do is make tea, even though I know I’m going to get distracted with writing, forget about it, let it get cold, and get upset about it. Every time. Then I grab something to munch on, because I can’t sit still and focus on any given thing unless I’m trying to do ten things at once, and snacking is a pretty low maintenance activity. Plus I like food. Then I pick music; usually something that kind of, half fits the theme, or at least the feel, of whatever I’m trying to write. If that fails, than I stick with a band that I know inside and out (like Marylin Manson or KoRn or something), so that I can’t get distracted by the lyrics. Then, finally, I sit down and try not to hate myself! I mean, write. I sit down and write. Ish. I used to try to follow that advice about turning off your tumblr/internet, but I’ve found that just makes me more anxious about needing to check it. So fuck it, I suck it up and deal with distractions like a man.

19. What’s your favorite character headcanon?

That Shi’s favorite color is purple and that he likes to sunbathe like a cat. Idk it’s just cute and fun, whicH IS OBVIOUSLY HOW YOU SHOULD HEADCANON MURDEROUS MONSTERS.

20. Do you have a favorite fanfic or author? If so, tag them/post a link and share the love!

I mentioned Five Minute Major by Junichiblue in a different ask. Great fic, good writing. All of her stuff is really good. I’m sure most of my followers have looked through her fics, but if not, you’re really missing out. ALSO ASH (yeah, the same person I RP with). I love Ash. Go read her stuff too.

[epb-archive]

Okay, this is me trying not to care too much about Brighter by Wingit on Ao3 or @wing--it on tumblr (and failing miserably)

DISCLAIMER: Everything is my opinion and is in no way attempting to bash other fic writers because writing is hard and everyone that put their personal time into doing this and sharing fics with people over the internet deserves praise and to feel proud of what they’ve written. For this reason I won’t be naming any other fics aside from Brighter because that’s the focus and #Boost Ur Fandom Writers ya feel

DISCLAIMER 2.0: I realized I told @wing--it  that i’d have a meta done for their fic except I realized I’m not entirely sure what Meta is so I’m probably not good at it wow this is long im sorry okay let’s do this thing

Actually as I’m writing this, I realize it’s just going to turn into a giant ass review for Brighter and I don’t know how I feel about that but @wing--it hi, i love your fic, we’ve been over this right? Under the cut this goes. (contains mild spoilers for Brighter but I’m trying not to say everything outright)

Brighter is a Victuri fanfic that is by far one of the best I’ve read in terms of storyline, characterization, conflict, and angst revolving around that conflict.

Starting with storyline, Brighter is a godsend fic that gives that good ass almost immediately after the GPF life for Victuri. So the two of them figuring out their relationship and working out how to live together in a more intimate sense (that being on their own and not constantly surrounded by Yuuri’s family and the patrons of Yu-Topia). Now, there are some other good ass fics that also have the lives in St. Petersburg and that do this shit well (actually, I appreciate every fic out there, shout out to all fic writers yall are doing gods work) BUT something different that stands out about Brighter is how the storyline isn't just focused on Yuuri Katsuki.

Honestly, at the most current point (10 chapters in, updated last on the 8th of June) the two main characters are NOT Victor and Yuuri, but Yuuri and Yuri which is??? Possibly one of the few fics I’ve seen where these two are the main focus while still having the fic be Victuri centered. Like without getting too much into Yuri’s storyline for the sake of spoilers (though it’s kind of revealed in chapter 3 or 4 i think, pretty early on) This fic, by far, has some of the best characterization of Yuri P that I’ve ever seen.

Which is saying a lot because I will often stop reading a fic because of how they characterize Yura (especially if he’s a major recurring character in the fic). Yura does play a huge part in this fic in terms of his own character development and conflict (godddd I just really fucking love his story line) and Tash!!!!!! Gives a solid reason why Yura would be “”angsty”” 24/7 and h*ck!!! It’s just ugh!!! Everyone knows, if you’ve gone through your angry teenager phase, it’s so incredibly difficult to stay mad 24/7 unless something’s happened or something’s happening (mental illness notwithstanding) and like just godddd. Okay??? Okay. So Anyways, Yura opens up to Yuuri (eventually) and friendship happens and honestly out of this entire fic Yuuri and Yuri’s friendship is my favorite. Like yes, this includes Victor and Yuuri’s relationship or Victor and anyone else or any of the characters combines. I just think Tash did such an amazing job working with Yuri in the fic and I’m already emotional this is a mess I’m sorry.

Okay, So that’s Yuri’s character. On to Victor’s. I think Tash does a beautiful job having Victor adjust to life loving someone. Like here, we have a guy who’s spent his entire life trying to please and surprise so many people, like aside from splurge stuff, what has Victor done for himself? When going off that logic (and like the 50 in depth tumblr posts about this) Brighter is so beautiful in his characterization. Because it starts with Victor and Yuuri being soooo in love and everything’s perfect!!! For exactly .2 seconds

Because everyone knows that’s not how relationship work and people have to work together and have conflicts and allow room for being human together. (And dont get me wrong, I am just as likely to read a 50k coffee shop au with 0 conflict because I enjoy not hurting). Anyways, Victor’s characterization is essentially him trying to figure out how to be genuine (and failing on multiple occasions) and just him trying to teach himself that he doesn’t have to do what he thinks Yuuri would like to get him to stay because Yuuri loves him and they’re in this for the long run but still Victor  IS STRUGGLING to figure this out.  Tash just. God. Tash just does this so well.

And Victor. He’s also subject to his own anxieties but in a different way from Yuuri and??? Like the fact that he’s throwing himself back into his career after a year break and to go back to his way of surprising people and then coaching Yuuri and choreographing short programs for him, yuuri, and yuri too (i think he was doing 3 short programs anyways). The ice skating portion of this fic is so fucking important, which of course it is, in an anime about ice skating of course it’s fucking important but what I mostly mean is that it doesn’t necessarily take second to the romance in the fic with is easy to do. The Ice skating and the romance are like on par with each other with the only vaguely second plot line being Yuri’s story line which is :,,,) still

Anyways  I just fucking love this okay I’m so sorry this got off track I’m not even done yet but please, read Brighter.

Last on characterization is of course, the main character, Yuuri Katsuki. Alright, I just h*cking love Yuuri in this fic. Like?? He’s so understanding and doesn’t deserve half the shit he’s gone through because if!!! SOME PEOPLE just TALKED IT OUT1!!!!!! Maybe. But no. Tash’s way of writing Yuuri is one of the ones that I appreciate the most. His way of dealing with things (which is to overthink then not solve anything) or his way of sherlocking through other people’s problems (see: Yuri P see: Victor N) His insecurities are all #relatable and just, Idk how to talk about this because i really can only say how perf i think tash did with him and that’s nonsensical imo anyways yuuri in brighter is like best yuuri hi i would die for him to be happy

For Brighter, the conflict and the angst go hand in hand (though tash has been hinting at things getting more painful in the next update and i’m not ready but :,,,) ya kno) and so without spoiling anything I just want to say that the conflict/angst is different in a way that it’s something that doesn’t seem improbable and is just 100% believable like past the characterization in the fic, I could almost 100% see this happening in canon which is a weird feeling and idk if the movie turns out to have any of these problems I’m gonna pay Tash like $20 or something (so open ur paypal now cause I have a feeling). Specifically here I’m talking about the conflict between Victor and Yuuri (not necessarily Yura’s because that’s something I definitely don’t want to happen but god it makes for some really good ass story telling and background on a character).

For Victor and Yuuri, it’s a matter of being honest about one’s feelings and just you know, um, telling the truth and not saying what you think someone else wants to hear. Which doesn’t really sound hard or difficult at all but here we have Victor who’s done everything for other people up to recently in his career and has probably never been so deeply in love as he is with Yuuri right now so he’s confused and I’ll give him that. HOWEVER, sometimes, Victor just needs to have a little more faith in Yuuri’s feelings for him.

The same goes for Yuuri though, the conflict isn’t 100% Victor’s fault. Some of the blame is deff Yuuri’s and Yuuri’s anxiety (which is essentially a whole nother Yuuri except darker with idk maybe a goatee and constant bad ideas). But also you can’t blame a character for being anxious and stuff and really I’m not ragging on Victor for this but I also don’t think Yuuri’s entirely to blame here? Like I’m so bad at meta okay I’m sorry buT I think to a degree they both have insecurities and doubts that are straining the relationship. They really do try to work through things but on Yuuri’s side, he almost always links the problems back to himself and in term him not being able to satisfy Victor like sexually and emotionally I THINK. Like…….. Okay I can’t go into it because I’m not sure how to put what I’m thinking into words

Another point I cannot stress enough and can’t actually find a good place to put in even tho this was number 1 on the list of things I wanted to talk about in here is This conflict is seriously all good conflict. Brighter has character’s growing and developing and just. Nothing seems forced or out of place?? Like it wasn’t just put there in order for there to be something wrong. Actually I think i did mention this but I cannot stress enough how much the conflict in brighter just fucking makes sense!!!!! I’m actually repeating myself I know but seriously my favorite part…. Second favorite part after Yuri’s characterization is how good the conflict and problems Yuuri and Victor have are. Like they’re honest to god relationship things and fuck!!!!!!!!! It’s so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But essentially, Yuuri and Victor need to have a good oldfashioned talk but that’s not going to happen because Tash is about to rip out our hearts and I’m ready for once.

Alright, that’s been my not meta. I’m sorry @wing--it if you’re on mobile and cant read under the cut, it exists and also I’m sorry that this got so long……. But you know i told you!!!! It was gonna be long I just really fucking love brighter and i cannot express that enough. I tried to be coherent here in talking about all the things I enjoyed and I definitely missed something like the JJ conflict but this is almost 2k in length and I’m really embarrassed bcos of how passionate I am about this.

tl;dr: just read Brighter for fucks sakes, that’s all I want. More people to read brighter and scream about the character(ization)s and just heck!!!!!

[disarmingly]

fanfic asks i’m going to post answers in numerical order as i got some numbers asked twice which is cool but i definitely am the idiot who will lose track if i don’t do it in number order! also i’ll throw it under a read-more bc i tend to get rambly and so it all gets quite long! like seriously i apologize i wanted to give it my all but like i may have written too much >_<;;;

i'm gonna preface with: i was confused by these first two because i thought is this the same question but then figured maybe 3 was ff and 4 is not ff? T_T;;;;

3 [ name three favorite writers ]

the truth is i admire a lot of people and not all of them actually post their work unfortunately. however, xiajin ( @j-ungah)  is one who does, for which i am very grateful. it's easier though for me to say the THINGS i like best i.e. i really admire people who do humor in…how do i say it? ah well it's best for me when it's fluid within other feelings -- like the lightheartedness makes the punches and ups and downs of other aspects of their stories just shine? i am fairly unskilled with lightness/humor and i am repeatedly and eternally in awe of people who weave that facet of the heart into their narratives so believably. ^^;; i also admire what i think of as a seven-sense experience -- which is to say something about a writer whose descriptions dialogues and everything in-between??? create a thing i feel hear smell taste see, yes, but also a thing i dream, i thing i wake up to or from….that kind of suspension of my reality. ^^;;; which just smacks of escapism i know hahakjsfsdlfds OTL but it is what i like! some other part of why i don't have a lot of names rn is that when i'm focusing on writing i don't read as much fic? and on the flipside when i'm not trying to write then i read like everything under the sun thrice over ^^;;; but i've been in writing/trying to write-mode since i posted This Time Around so…yeah!  

4 [ name three authors that were influential to your work and tell why ]

this is really hard! but i left out one writer on my past book rec list so i'll mention him here. john steinbeck! i know that most people/schools/etc tout him for grapes of wrath T_T;;; but like….i tried really hard to like it for a friend who is basically married to that book and i just…couldn't? i tried with of mice and men too but that book is like being beaten up by the written word and no one to patch you up afterward. but. BUT! let. me. tell. you.

east of eden

this book is falling apart like i've read it until it's shreds and i don't wanna give up the copy i have because like…i have so many notes in it? i have dates written down and things i don't remember ever writing or what they reference but getting a new one would be like…idk i can't do it yet. i'll have to soon just bc i carry it around everywhere and i need it but..this book, warrants steinbeck being mentioned in and of itself. if you haven't read it, i cannot rec it enough. like i am not honestly a huge fan of anything outside of fantasy or science fiction but this is my exception. no amount of applauding is going to do it justice. but suffice to say he's got this wickedly good balance of ideas, execution, emotion, and rationale and i just feel so much it is a book that HURTS and yet i kind of…what's it like? it's like if it took me years and years to climb a tree just to see what i can see from the top, then learning to climb back down. sitting under that tree. feeling…like a conversation happened?

T_T i ramble but yeah. john steinbeck's east of eden.

other than that: diana wynne jones, CLAMP (cries forever), cs lewis  

6 [ how did writing change you? ]

before i wrote i drew and i painted, which i find hilarious now because lolololol what IS visual art, it’s hard work and talent hybridized with quality hearts (me: /stares at all my fave fanartists for real) kdsfdsfdlsfjlds but yeah uh writing happened because i loved reading. i thought: these things make me feel less displaced in the universe, if only a little. ah well, more to the point, writing in and of itself changes me in every day life almost to a fault: i think a LOT about what i say, even when i’m perceivably rambling. i over-think it too. writing in every-day life makes even the most awkward cat potato (me) better able to hold a normal conversation, which come to that isn’t the MOST important thing, but it is a thing that changed because before writing i basically stood still and tried to hide in my own shadow (unsuccessfully btw.) now i stand very still, hope no one talks to me, but am able to at least talk back if they do ^^;; 

if this question means how did ff writing change me otherwise...is it stupid to say on several times, writing ff has saved me? is it melodramatic? probably. i think it does though. i’ve said several times i don’t do wonderfully in-person (ability to converse even so) and it’s painfully true. i don’t know that i believe i ever will. i’m in plainest terms, too afraid. ff writing has given me opportunity to connect with people despite my shortcomings in this way though. sometimes someone says they related to a certain thing or they feel content or a familiar sadness but not in a bad way and that is So Much to me. like can you imagine being in complete darkness and seeing a small light in the sky or the ground or the sea suddenly? that’s what those are.

so writing is helping me change, i hope, from someone who has had the growing fear of being lost forever, to being a little less lost, a little less unworthy. to be fair, writing in and of itself for me is often a lost feeling but those sparks of Found are irreplaceable and whether they happen when i write or when someone responds to the writing, i carry them with me to the best of my ability. because they’re precious. because i need them. and i’m grateful. 

writing separate from ff is something i also hope will change me, but i have yet to figure out a way to share that and for now i have a lot of stories on my Intentions to try to actualize, so my side poetry is a sidecar project and that’s okay.

11 [ do you listen to music when writing? ]

yes! in fact i tend to make playlists for my stories when i’m done usually consisting of what i listened to….even if that's a silly thing to do ^^;; i think about sharing them sometimes haha but it’d be linking a bunch of youtube links so idk if that’s dumb sdlkedfsoijlefdjoslk sometimes it’s bangtan and often it’s movie scores i.e. ghibli stuff ....oh and video game osts too!!! a hodgepodge! 

12 [ favorite place to write ]

home because i need as much control over my environment as possible. i honestly don't understand how people can get any writing done outside in the city because it's like one massive attention-deficit lmfdlsfdsfkdsjl but kudos to the people who can…!

13 [ hardest character to write ]

LMFSLKFUOIJWFLSK gosh um…i think for me the way i would phrase this is that the character i am most nervous writing???  yoongi. he features predominantly in my writing because i find his transparency about his journey(s) relatable and something to always be grateful for. unfortunately being relatable presents the ever present pitfall possibility of projecting onto someone, which i don't want to do. even when writing him as a character, i still want him to resonate true to the real deal in as much as possible in the world created or the canon suggested. i want to do right by him, very badly, and for better or worse that means i can almost never enjoy writing him because i'm so worried the whole time. the moment of peace is when i either post or delete, but both leave an uneasy feeling if i'm honest, and perhaps that's always going to be true -- with my favorite people and my favorite ideas i guess.

14 [ easiest character to write ]

like 13 i'm cheating and changing this to the character i'm least anxious writing and that would be namjoon. i love him a lot but for whatever weird reason i'm not having heart palpitations every time i have to write a line of dialogue for him. is it because i've watched and read everything of him the most? not really. i think i've re-visited more kookie things out of all of the ot7, but namjoon has a vibe i get, a wavelength i'm on almost all the time and i can't quite explain it since it's not like i'm talking about a person i personally Know. but what i mean is, i feel like i do? he makes me feel comfortable with him at the colloquial level both verbally and emotionally so i don't overthink him as much as i do say yoongi, jungkook, and hoseok -- all beloved but also sharp points of vulnerability for me.  

17 [ favorite AU to write ]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh….well. the way it's phrased it feels like it means ongoing AU??? which would be time and again drabbles supplementary to This Time Around (the initial oneshot).... (even tho from hereon out everything else will transpire BEFORE the current chapter up lololololol way to be confusing right) but if it just means like what universe, period, huh gosh. all your stars are my stars too au probably.

20 [ favorite character to write ]

i CAN'T pick

21 [ least favorite character to write ]

i don't have one unless you count 'difficult' as leas favorite but that's really not true for me s-so...

22 [ favorite story you’ve ever written ]

?_? ahhh the story closest to my heart?    tie between all your stars are my stars too verse, and this time around verse. haha i keep picking those two but honestly despite being two very different worlds the pulse is actually the same.

23 [ least favorite story you’ve ever written ]

so far away

still disappointed in myself because to this day i don't know what i can do to make it better i just know it could be and it's so specific i just don't look at it anymore. it is by far the one i've revised the most and i'm sure that's weird haha...but it means so much to me...if it was a friend in my past, this story would be the friend i should have done more for, didn’t, couldn’t, and will regret until i can either come up with an answer or just have to square with said regret and say we don’t always get it the way we want it. hm. i admit when i posted it i hoped i’d be less disappointed with myself over time, but apparently not so.

24 [ favorite scene you’ve ever written ]

T_T no idea … do you have one, anon? /waves white flag/ i guess i'm just cheating through all these asks OTL forgive me but i guess a favorite would be any scene that a reader feels connected with them/resonated personally or moved their feelings into a place or shape they didn't expect but are okay having? 

25 [ favorite line you’ve ever written ]

sjflkfesdipokleds /covers face/ im really sorry i just don't…have one…ah...i can’t look too closely...but i always appreciate when readers have favorite lines and copy paste them to me any given time like it’s so nice? ;_; it’s so nice ahhh

26 [ story you’re most proud of ]

since i kinda hard passed the last two with this one huh like i guess if i can qualify this as 'story i consider deleting the least often' that would actually probably be my ONE vmin  fic i wrote so far -- sidereal -- lmfdlskfdsfjdsl sidereal -- and it's not that i think it's especially good but more so that i know/ don't question what i'd change about it because it came together start-to-finish very naturally…and that's funny since i had never written them before.

27 [ best review you ever got ]

listen. every review is the best review T_T seriously every review, every bookmark's notes, every ask….(well as long as it's not mean!) ah is a use of someone else's time they did not have to give me but they did and that? that's huge. fanfic is interesting bc it's a thing done for pleasure but unlike say, fanart, there is no readily apparent way to make it marketable? so i think of those words left as review or ask or whatever… as a manner of wealth, if it makes sense, a currency of kindness motivation/encouragement and hope -- that even if i dislike my writing/ find majority fault within it at the end of the day….. there are people out there who don't dislike it too, which is amazing and a relief.

28 [ worst review you ever got ]

hmmm well tech it wasn't a review but like i have gotten a LOT of asks regarding ... .- ...- . -- . + stardrop that range from disappointment that i wrote/published stardrop at all [i knew it would garner some of this but i have haha had more than i thought] to just flat-out regret for having read any of them in the first place. now, as someone who doesn't see any time in the near future where i'll like my own writing, having someone use the words 'regret reading' are….it's upsetting. i feel silly for how much it gets to me but i'm a weak spiral of a person in many ways, so asks like that send me running to hover over the delete button all the time, not just on that story but every story. but i know LOGICALLY it's just an extreme reaction of mine so i don't follow through but yeah my fight or flight response is very much flight lolololol OTL

as for not that uh probably the smattering of asks that came through when i posted 'follow' …one of which asked why i portrayed jungkook so stalkery (as far as i'm concerned, i didn't. he admires namjoon same as some of us admire our own internet idols or whoever)

32 ... .- ...- . -- .   [ alternate title for (insert story title) ]

IN fact i almost called it 'equilibrium' but while relevant that seemed too vague...

33 ... .- ...- . -- .   [ alternate ending for (insert story title) ]

jungkook wakes up. jungkook wakes up and he's raining, brings his hands to his eyes and can't stop, can't speak, can't anything but rain. jungkook wakes up, curls on his side, and cries cries cries until he falls back asleep.

a moment later, the door to his room slides open. two pairs of eyes worry after him into the dark where they recognize three things: 1. jungkook may never forgive himself; 2. there is nothing either of them can do about it; 3. when the captain named namjoon and the mechanic named yoongi forced jungkook into an escape pod at just the last second, their intention was to save him but the result is not so simple.

with unpredictable caution, taehyung enters the room, jimin's hand at his back, doesn't bother to speak quietly, well-acquainted at this point with how deeply jungkook dreams, how desperately. biting the inside of his cheek, taehyung shakes his head. "what are we gonna do?" after a moment, he glances to his right as jimin brushes past him to draw jungkook's blankets up more securely around him, combs soft fingers through his sweat matted hair and says,

"the best we can."

38 [ do you reread your own stories? ]

other than to proofread? no! i'm still very immature as a writer so the reality is if i go back to read something i have a 99% likely will delete because i see all the flaws and things i want to do better but don't yet have the skill to achieve??? but i know i can't or shouldn't literally wipe everything away Just Because, so…@_@;;;

40 [ which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series ]

time and again drabbles or this time around

46 [ share a scene of a story that you haven’t published yet ]

*

the night of taehyung's sorting, jimin jumps out of his place at the table to go meet him but a hand circles around his wrist, holds him there. when he looks down, he finds taemin, all calculated cat expressiveness that reminds jimin of yoongi except taemin has a contradictory warmth about him. yoongi is cool to the look the touch and everything until you get inside him; then he's warmer, jimin would dare say, than he himself is, but so few people know it it's hardly worth mentioning. he blinks. frowns.

"i'm going to say hi."

"no."

jimin pulls. taemin sighs.

"do you think for a second they won't use him against you."

it's not a question and for good reason. jimin sits down again, quiet. hollow, learns at age twelve about thinking ahead and expecting the worst.

if only to protect the very best.

truth be known, he doesn't mind being a slytherin. it's easy to just say no one is trustworthy than to say everyone is. but the history of his family creates a whole additional spectrum of uncertainty. 'park' is so common a name one would think it wouldn't be so obvious except jimin's family has been in and out of the wizarding world papers for quite some time. try as they might to undo a history that predates them by decades, it's hard -- no, impossible. slytherin is one thing. heir is another. wealth. jimin is twelve but the world is much older and his so-called peers fall somewhere in-between.

anyway.

what he wants: to say hello to his dearest friend.

what he doesn't want: to bring said friend trouble, no more than he already has.

jimin looks over at taehyung, watches as hoseok helps him with his baskets and...swallows.

it hurts.

*

around the middle of the second month taehyung goes missing.

it's yoongi that lets jimin know, which makes jimin feel guilty all over: i should have already known.

"did they say when they last saw him?" he asks, rushing around more than he knows yoongi prefers but yoongi is loyal and yoongi is yoongi; he rushes with him, this way and that.

"hobi says yesterday, supper."

biting his lip until it bleeds, jimin experiences what a person always experiences when he knows this might be all his fault: wrenching self disgust, fear, anxiety that crawls around in the chest and twists around the heart like a curse. but feeling bad won't do anything; feeling bad won't find his best friend (who might not want to be your best friend anymore, his heart whispers and it's cold, it's distant, it's terrifying.) yoongi's hand in the sleeve of his robe jerks jimin to a stop so fast he almost trips, except yoongi holds him up while muttering a spell under his breath, the tip of his wand a sharp tap against jimin's strawberry pin (a thing he wears every day in the knot of his tie.) it lights up briefly, blue.

"if i find him before you, that'll happen."

then yoongi is gone in another direction. it makes sense. the school is offensively massive and jimin has never detested it more in his life.

*

growing up, jimin lived by the sea and taehyung came to visit him every other summer. they collected seashells and named all the fish they happened to find and made castles they planned to live in one day when they were older.

"this one's your room."

holding up a piece of sea glass shining aquamarine, jimin held it over the sun, turned back to face him and said, "then it's yours too."

*

the room of requirement is for any given thing. for taehyung he needs a place to be found and for jimin, he needs to stop losing.

it takes him two days to find the boy whose sleeping patterns he knows by heart, the boy whose dreams felt often like his own dreams when they were much smaller; it takes him two days and seven hours and forty-one minutes. but he finds him.

when he opens the door, it's some god sized gift to have taehyung meet his eyes.

it's a human sized gift to receive a careful smile.

and it's everything else to crush him in his arms and breathe him in and keep him there, everything to say,

"i'm sorry."

"me too." a pause. "those strawberries were for you," and the way taehyung says it isn't a guilt-trip. it's just him being genuinely regretful he couldn't give them to jimin the way he wanted to but this makes it that much sharper.

jimin bursts into tears.

*

that summer they go to taehyung's home and jimin eats every strawberry taehyung offers him, which means he gets fairly sick, but he disguises it as something else as best he can and almost doesn't feel so sick at all anyway when taehyung, wide-brimmed straw hat a halo on his head, laughs a sunrise sound and sings a sunset song. it's very windy during their visit, so jimin lays a charm on taehyung's hat to keep it from flying away.

*

49 [ writing advice ]

1. don’t give up. -- which for me and i guess a lot of people whether it’s art or just life, is truly the hardest. but i am constantly attempting to apply to writing what i try to apply to my livelihood: this idea that the most contemptible thing to do is to surrender. i was thinking about lord of the rings the other day and trying to figure out who i hated the most 8D;;; because my train was stuck and i was viciously trying to not freak out....anyway i kept thinking of denethor...and he’s not you know out and out a villain but he’s just so vile to faramir and on top of that he has clearly given up. he’s got this twisted saccharine doom about him that is somewhat because he’s lost his mind but he lost himself first. 

i know this is a really dramatic mental deviation but it’s what i think about ^^;;; the temptation to give up is constant, it’s not a thing that goes away -- which is why i wrote ‘begin’ to address this idea that sometimes the hardest thing is to start, and then to continue in the face of a trouble that has no permanent cure. the moment you give up you lose you, and of course you lose your art. what’s that cliche??? you can’t get something for nothing. i hope that doesn’t come across condescending or bad. i just know for me i have to yell at myself all the time about it, so that’s why it’s first on the list OTL don’t give up, or in the words of bangtan: no no no not today! ^^

2. i used to believe you couldn’t force writing but i think what the more accurate way for me now is to think: i can’t force Right Writing, like it isn’t necessarily good as i throw it down initially and sometimes that’s as good as it’s going to be until i reach a point in that piece that helps me rebuild/recreate/reword the first parts that i KNEW at the time weren’t very good but couldn’t do more with...like perspective within your own narrative i guess, which can’t be gotten without pushing ahead. 

so for example, i disliked everything i had with call and answer from the beginning to the end but the only way i got it all done was to write something every day a paragraph or two maybe, just to get draft one done. then i could look at it the next day to proof-read, put one part before another part, etc, etc, the things that went into making it something i could bear to post. ah so basically if it comes a little naturally that’s awesome but i know for me the most frustrating thing is not being able to control when that happens or why, and since i still want to write, this was my ‘solution’ so to speak -- write it, don’t delete it, look at it in an hour or the next day but move forward even if you’re not 1000% sure with it. like i know this doesn’t work for everyone but it is what has at the moment, kept me afloat. it’s not fun but for whatever reason, it is a method i have employed time to time. 3. write what YOU want to, not what anyone else wants you to (unless it’s like a request you’re fulfilling which case that’s up to you of course!) but in general like....i think there’s a misconception that to write big you have to write for everyone but you can connect to a lot of people by telling a very specific story -- they may not dive into every part, but if there is even one aspect of a story i feel recognized by (a moment, a turn of phrase, the resolution, the problem, whatever) then that’s often enough for me. it’s like with people, we don’t get every part of each other -- even the best of friends, or lovers or whatnot -- but the parts we do get mean so much. same for me with stories.

4. give better advice than me lmfdslkf omg 

feel free to send other numbers or if i missed one let me know........omg but you probably wouldn’t want to after this huh? lmdsfijfoklfeds ^^;;; wow if you read all that uh....thank you but also i’m sorry ;; lmfdsojklefds T//////T!!!!! <3 ;3;