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apomaro-mellow · 1 year ago

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Demon!Eddie 4

Oh, hoo boy. I feel like this one warrants some content warnings: blood kink, teeth kink, unsafe(?) sex he’s a demon idk, self lubricating dick

“You wanna ask me something.”

Steve didn’t know if it was demonic powers that made him so easy to read, or if it was just that he wanted it that much.

“I wanna ask you...for something. But I don’t know if I can.” If he did, would Eddie say no? Would he push him away? Laugh in his face? Tell him that all his sacrifices fell to his charms eventually?

“Is it the kind of thing you’ve asked for before?”

Steve couldn’t help the bit of confidence that showed through as he thought about the girls he had kissed in the past. “Not verbally, no. I’ve always just like, put out a vibe or something.” He could usually tell a girl wanted to be kissed by him before he did it. Could tell that she was waiting for him to make a move.

“Try me then.”

Eddie had a look on his face like he knew exactly what Steve was talking about; what he was trying to ask him for. This was the same dude who took him on a whirlwind job adventure and turned into whatever he wanted at the drop of a hat so Steve wondered why his impulse wasn’t kicking in now, when Steve was at his most nervous.

But why was he nervous? Steve looked down at his hand, still in Eddie’s hold after he drank from it. He intertwined their fingers and Eddie didn’t pull back. He never pulled from Steve. He never refused him. Never said no.

Steve’s other hand went up to cup Eddie’s jaw, his thumb caressing his cheek. He didn’t see an opportunist demon. He saw a man who wanted him.

“Come here.”

He was kissing Eddie.

And Eddie was kissing him.

And then Eddie was gripping his face and pushing his tongue into his mouth and pressing him down into the couch. There was that impulse.

Yet Steve couldn’t find it in him to complain. Never even occurred to him. Not when kissing Eddie felt this good and right. Not when Eddie’s weight on him had him feeling the most grounded in the past 24 hours.

Eddie was licking into his mouth, biting at his lips, sucking on his tongue like he literally wanted to eat him and Steve might let him get away with more than a few bites.

“You gotta-”, Eddie started before cutting himself off by diving in for another kiss. “You gotta tell me when to stop.”

Eddie let a fang drag across his bottom lip and Steve felt a spike of arousal at the danger.

“Otherwise I’ll just take.”

Steve tried to catch his breath as Eddie’s words rolled over in his mind. “I don’t believe that.”

Nothing about what he’d seen today made him think for a second that Eddie would just take without considering him first. He didn’t just try to hustle Steve through figuring out his wish. He made sure he had breakfast, showered, and a proper night’s rest first. So far, he had entertained Steve’s career choices, even if all of them didn’t end up so well. And he didn’t just rush Steve through them all nonstop. He let Steve dig his feet into it so he could make an informed choice. Then took him home before he got overwhelmed.

“I think you’d stop me before going too far. Like you’re doing right now.”

Eddie looked caught. “I don’t-Steve I don’t think you know what you do to me. How hard it is to stop.”

“But you did it.”

Eddie took a breath through his nose. “I don’t wanna scare you.”

Steve let out a belt of laughter and even slapped Eddie on the arm. “Dude, you were an adorable dog today. And I saw you try and teach a bird how to whistle the Flintstones theme song.”

“I swear I’ve heard birds singing showtunes. They can be taught.”

“My point is, you’re the least scary demon I’ve ever met.”

“You’ve met other demons?”

“If anything, you should be the one stopping me.” Which Steve supposed Eddie was doing right now, but that was beside the point. The point was, he had known this man for about a day and was ready to give him everything.

“You remember you don’t owe me anything, right?”, Eddie’s eyes searched his, hoping Steve wasn’t putting himself on a platter just because of their current situation.

The way Steve saw it, even if he ended in just some soulless occupation, he owed Eddie everything. But that wasn’t why he was doing this.

“Because I’d just make out with any career counselor”, he rolled his eyes.

“I think I’m a bit more than that”, Eddie grinned.

“An exceptional career counselor then. Eddie, this is mine to give. Let me give it to you.”

Eddie let out a groan and his head fell upon Steve’s chest. “You won’t be afraid? Promise?”

Steve patted the top of his head. “Promise.”

Then, he felt more than saw Eddie growing on top of him. Horns protruded out of Eddie’s head and black, leathery wings formed on his back. Eddie looked up from his chest, those red eyes staring back down at him. “We’re gonna need a bigger couch”, Steve breathed.

Eddie smiled, rising up and taking Steve with him by the hand. “You deserve a little better than a couch, sweetness.” Eddie was leading him to that magic door again but this time when he opened it, there was a bedroom inside. Unlike the one in the apartment, this one was much more spacious. The bed was large enough for five of him at least. There were candles everywhere and Steve nearly had a mind to ask if they were actually in hell now but Eddie was on him before he could.

Steve wasn’t small by any means, but in his true form Eddie had a few inches on him and he had to look up to kiss him.

Eddie remembered the first whiff he got of Steve’s blood, back when he had been tied down to the altar. It had smelled so sweet that once they had a moment, he couldn’t help himself. His thirst had sealed the deal and he had counted himself lucky that he had gotten that much.

But now Steve was giving him more. Giving him everything. And he didn’t flinch away or anything. While they kissed, Eddie used his hands on Steve’s hips to lead him to the bed. Steve broke the kiss to crawl backwards onto it and then grabbed Eddie’s shirt, pulling him back in and on top of him.

Steve got a little bold and as he licked into Eddie’s mouth, he let his tongue brush against a fang. Eddie’s hold on his hip tightened a little. Steve licked at the other fang while Eddie held his mouth open and still. Steve pulled back with a smirk.

“Careful gorgeous, I bite.”

“Yeah?” Steve held his face and waited for Eddie to open his jaw again. Eddie obliged and this time when he licked at one of his fangs, Steve let it prick his tongue. Eddie let out a groan as a drop fell on his own tongue and he sucked on Steve’s.

Steve moaned and he was definitely starting to chub in his pants. Eddie’s pants. He was in Eddie’s clothes, in Eddie’s room and in Eddie’s space and he just wanted to be Eddie’s.

Eddie got as much blood off his tongue as he could and started to kiss at Steve’s neck. His lips made a trail at the way down to his collarbone until the shirt got in the way and then he was pulling that off. Eddie found his mouth again while Steve was trying to get his shirt off too. Eddie rose to his knees to remove it and tossed it somewhere without a care.

“How did you do that?”, Steve asked.

“What? Get my shirt off?”

“I mean get it over your...your wings? Without ripping it?”

“A magician never reveals his secrets”, Eddie smiled, wiggling his fingers.

“Fine, deal torn shirts in the future then.”

Eddie tried not to smile too much at the implication Steve was giving him. He would take what he was given, which was there here and now. It was a present, after all. Steve had practically gift-wrapped himself.

Steve let his hands trail down Eddie’s body. 24 hours ago, he had this same sight. A demon hovering over his body. How did things change so much in such a short time?

“See somethin’ you like?”, Eddie teased.

“At least one thing”, Steve looked down between Eddie’s legs to the still growing tent in his pants. He reached out and grabbed, making Eddie hiss in pleasure and buck into his hand. A thrill ran through Steve at being able to make someone this powerful buckle with just a touch.

Eddie pulled Steve’s pants down, Steve helped by kicking them off. That left him in just briefs which of course Eddie had to snap the band of.

“What’re you 12?”, Steve snorted.

“On a scale of 1-10? Yes. And here I am....” Eddie kissed at his hips, clawed hands lightly dragging down his sides. “At the knees of a 20 at least.” He kissed under Steve’s bellybutton as he slowly peeled off his underwear.

Eddie might be just a bit obsessed. His blood was sweet, his skin was sweet, and here where his scent was at its strongest and muskiest was just too much to resist. And he didn’t. Eddie rubbed his face in Steve’s crotch, kissing at the wiry hairs and rubbing his fully hard cock against his cheek.

“Fuuck, Eddie...”

He looked up and saw the kind of sight that was too holy for the likes of him. Steve was already so blissed out, expression so open. Eddie was going to give him everything he wanted. Eddie rose up to take off his pants, letting out a sigh once he was free.

“Holy shit”, Steve’s eyes got wide when he saw Eddie’s dick.

It was darker than the rest of him, leaking at the tip already. But not just there, there was a sheen over it like it was wet. And it looked like the kind of thing that might actually split Steve in half.

“You want it?”, Eddie asked.

Steve nodded. “I want it.” If this was how he died, then so be it.

Eddie grabbed Steve’s hand and brought it to his cock. Steve bit his lip as he felt how hot and slick it was. Eddie guided his fingers to stroke it, getting them nice and lubed up before taking his hand and moving it towards his hole. Steve’s breath picked up a little.

“You gotta get yourself ready for me, baby.”

Steve took in a breath. Eddie’s eyes were boring holes into him. He threw an arm over his eyes while rubbing at his rim with a slick finger. He let out a whimper as he pushed the first one inside. Eddie grabbed the arm that was covering his face and pinned his wrist to the bed.

“Don’t hide from me. Let me see you.”

Steve couldn’t help the whine and turned his face into his arm anyway. But his hand didn’t stop moving.

“Look at you, so beautiful”, Eddie praised. He grabbed Steve’s thigh and lifted it, making him spread more. Steve pushed a second finger in and Eddie let out a groan like he was the one being touched.

“Next time...I want you to do it. Wanna feel just you.”

“Think you might regret that Stevie”, Eddie said, letting his claws lightly scrape at his chest.

“We could do it in your human form”, Steve suggested, trying to get his fingers as deep as he could.

“And deprive you of your Count Chocula fantasy?”

Steve laughed out loud at that but it quickly turned into a moan when Eddie bit into his calf and licked at the dripping blood. Feeling good enough, he started to press a third finger in. Eddie sighed as he wrapped his fingers around his cock. He stroked and more pre cum and slick dripped right onto Steve’s hole, making the slide of his fingers easier.

Eddie was a simple demon. He saw a literal angel, fingerfucking himself with his own slick, looking up at Eddie like a god and that was it for him. With a curse, he came, shooting across Steve’s body. The blood sigil those people had drawn on him hadn’t been Eddie’s own symbol, just a generic mark for summoning anyone. But Steve was marked as his now.

“Gonna make you mine”, Eddie growled, biting at his neck and shoulders. “Gonna ruin you for anyone else.”

He rubbed the head of his cock against Steve’s fingers, still stuffing himself. He thought Steve might hesitate, might second guess. Instead, he pulled his fingers out and grabbed at him, using his legs to bring him in closer. Eddie burned for him and couldn’t wait a moment longer. Eddie pushed the head inside and Steve sang. Eddie kissed him, not even letting the air around them have his sounds.

Steve was panting into his mouth. He had been right. Eddie was splitting him apart. But he wanted him even deeper. Steve had been gripping the sheets but now he was clawing at Eddie’s back.

“You’re doing great baby, taking me so well.”

“Yeah?”, Steve surprised himself with how breathy he sounded. “I feel good?”

“Feels incredible.” Eddie could feel Steve’s body fluttering around him as he adjusted. He had a hand on each thigh, keeping him spread wide. He let Steve breath while he gave much needed attention to his neglected chest. Eddie buried his face in it, squeezing both pecs and effectively motorboating him with adoration.

Steve squirmed under him and Eddie started to move, taking it slow but still giving him all that he could take.

“Mine”, Eddie murmured, nibbling at his chest, then up his neck until he founds his lips again.

Then Steve surprised him.

His fingers gripped his curls, forcing him to bare his neck. And then Steve bit him. Sank his teeth right in. It didn’t break the skin but damn if Eddie didn’t get the message. Especially when Steve didn’t stop at one bite. He wanted to mark him up; show that he belonged to Steve as much as Steve did to him.

The biting made Eddie release noises like an animal. So Steve really shouldn’t have been surprised when he started fucking him like one. He felt the girth of that goddamn ridged cock push in and pull out with the kind of wet noises that might’ve embarrassed the Steve Harrington of yesterday. The one of today wanted to slather himself in the slick and show everybody that he was Eddie’s.

There was so much it was coating the inside of his thighs and dripping between their bodies. Eddie gathered some and wrapped a hand around Steve’s cock.

“I want it all, sweet thing. Give it to me.”

“Eddie! EddieEddieEddie~” Steve’s voice cracked and his back arched off the bed, spurting and coating himself in his own cum.

Eddie’s eyes rolled into the back of his head as he fucked Steve through it all. Then Steve felt two hard thrusts and then suddenly a rush of warmth filled him. It pushed out past Eddie’s dick and dripped onto the bed under them.

“...Shit...”, Eddie said between pants.

Steve had no words. He felt like he was floating through syrup. Only the points where he was touching Eddie anchored him. He let out a whine as the other pulled out of his body.

“Shh, I gotchu baby.”

Eddie pushed his hair back and kissed his forehead. Blindly, Steve searched for his other hand.

“Eddie, I need...”

“I know what you need.”

Steve let out a relieved sigh and felt his eyelids get heavier by the second. Eddie would take care of him. He felt a chaste kiss to his lips as everything around him faded.

Part 6

HE PUT THAT ASS TO SLEEP

Okay, I’ve stared at this smut for hours so here is the writer literally asking you guys to legit tell me if it’s good or nah.

Also if you want to see the visuals that inspired this from the very beginning, check out vivalski’s patreon. They have glorious monsterfucker steddie art, as well as other things that are well worth the price of admission.

Tag Team

@swimmingbirdrunningrock @flustratedcas @estrellami-1 @weirdandabsurd42 @lololol-1234 @chaoticvictorianspirit @giopandaonice @marklee-blackmore @blackpanzy @kacatshi

@stevesbipanic @goodolefashionedloverboi @panicatthediaz @gregre369 @littlewildflowerkitten @starryeyedpoet17 @envyadams-vs-me @abbiecadabi-blog

@genderless-spoon @stxrcrossed186 @l0st-strawberry @willowsmelody @bornonthesavage @mxmakessense @roaringgoodshow @potato-of-the-lord @actualwakingnightmare @meccaminayah

@irregular-child @fandomcartographer @cherr1ehead @anaibis @finalmoondragon @sani-86

#apo writes #stranger things #fanfiction #steddie #Eddie: *wit cow eyes and a monster dong* everyone's so mean to me #steve: my parents were assholes but they didn't raise a quitter

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youremyheaven · 7 months ago

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Hello, I’ve got a question, if you don’t mind me asking. Are karmic relationships always challenging and end up with pain? Or can they be positive/good/less harsh (idk how to phrase it 😅) too? From what you’ve seen/know. Could you give an example of a karmic relationship, please? Like from when it started and how it evolved and then ended? Thank you in advance if you decide to respond 🫰 Have a good day!

Karmic relationships are by definition challenging in nature, yes. The other person is meant to teach you lessons. These need not necessarily be romantic. You can have karmic relationships with anybody (and not just a romantic partner). I feel like every relationship has its ups and downs so karmic relationships are no different, it's not like you're in agony the entire time lol, it's just that there's a heaviness to the bond and you know that who you are now is different from who you were before you met that person.

I've had some brutal karmic friendships. All of them had their pleasant moments but the karmic remnants were 🥲😤

I've also had karmic relationships and other karmic situations (?) I'm currently in my Saturn dasha so 🤧karma is just a big theme in my life lol

With my ex friend, we became friends very spontaneously and I kind of immediately got the ick from her and knew that we couldn't remain friends? She was insecure, jealous and very patronizing? Also very judgemental? I just hated her vibes from the get go

But we were karmically tied. No matter how hard I tried to cut her out, avoid her, ignore her, circumstances pushed us closer together and I had no choice but to try my best to be friends with her. It was a daily test of my tolerance and patience and I felt like I was walking on eggshells the entire time. She's the most toxic, vile, narcissistic person I have ever come across and she genuinely thrives off of other's misery. What they say about people who hate themselves hating others was so true in her case. I hated having to talk to her but I felt obligated to because she always acted like a kicked puppy if I ignored her for too long. She kept me isolated from everybody else and virtually put me in a position where I couldn't interact freely with others in her presence because she hated everybody and thought I was a "people pleaser" for wanting to talk to others lol (I probably did seem desperate for outside human contact 😭). She used every opportunity to insult me, drag me down, ruin my self esteem because she thought she was ugly and projected that on to me. One time I was looking into the mirror and feeling myself 😌and she said that "yk what's special about this mirror? it has a slimming effect and makes people look 10kgs lighter than they are" as if trying to imply that the only reason I looked good was because of the mirror??lol?? If boys checked me out, asked me out, complimented me, gave me attention etc she'd tell she felt bad for me because of how these boys thought I was "easy" and that it sucks how I'm perceived as a "slut" (random person: you're sooo pretty, my friend: such a shame that he thinks you're a whore 😔) she told me I did yoga because without it I'd be emotionally disturbed 🤧and I had to endure all this nonsense because I couldn't cut her out, I was stuck/trapped in a deeply abusive friendship. Finally, I decided I've had enough and I'll deal with the consequences of ending this friendship no matter how bad it gets and decided to end things. I think my karmic lesson was one in understanding that it's unwise to choose temporary comfort over long term suffering/harm. And that you have to be brave enough to walk into the unknown even when you feel like you have no idea what you're doing or how you'll survive. Don't continue to stay in toxic situations simply because that's all you've known. It can be hard to picture a different kind of future when all you've been exposed to is darkness and abuse but you have to have the strength to risk it, to believe that, even if you're alone, it's better than staying in a connection where you endure daily humiliation. Once I found that strength within myself and could walk away (we were friends for 3 years) everything around me started collapsing actually. Terrible things went down around me and it was the worst time in my life but it was like the air was being cleared for better things?? And life improved a lot after that. I couldn't fully be myself with her, I felt very restricted and the minute I left, it's like I could breathe again. The journey of this karmic relationship was a lesson in dependency and how it's genuinely better to be alone than it is to depend on someone awful. My friend had many good qualities and she genuinely took care of me in many ways but all of that came at a heavy price. I had to be willing to let go of the comfort and ease she provided me with and risk being on my own instead of wallowing in negativity and enduring disrespect. Everybody always says "you should just leave, you should just walk away" but if you've ever been in an abusive relationship, you know how hard it is and how it truly affects your psyche and worldview and the kind of strength it requires to walk away.

Obviously not all karmic relationships are going to be like this. And the lessons of each bond will be different but by and large, karmic relationships are connections that are inevitable. You were just sort of bound to each other, and even if you tried to walk away or leave, you end up going back because you have to reach a certain kind of growth to be able to evolve out of these karmic connections. Karmic connections are not supposed to last a lifetime (some do though because the karma is heavy, a lot of parent-child relationships and familial relationships are like this). They are meant to teach you things the hard way essentially.

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brekker-by-brekkerr · 2 years ago

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general messy thoughts about sab s2 (spoilers ahead)

Things I liked:

- Genya. Daisy Head SLAYED completely she was SO GOOD. I didn’t like them downplaying her scars and I wished we had gotten the line “I am not ruined I’m ruination” especially knowing how much that line means to so many people but other than that Genya was everything Daisy did an INCREDIBLE job of playing her. I actually got teary-eyed at several points this season (and me and my emotions are not at all close so that’s a feat) and they were all either Genya or GenyaDavid scenes, which brings me to…

- Genya and David. They were so good. So wholesome. The best part of this season IMO. Like their brief scenes, them hugging in the woods, the tiniest moments STOLE the show. I cried for these two and these two alone. Also, David was so well-portrayed like I loved these two so much.

- Several soft Malina moments that gave me butterflies and I felt accurately showed their dynamic, more toward the beginning of the season but they were there.

- Jack Wolfe as Wylan. I have some not-so-positive thoughts about the aged-up crows in general, but I still think Jack was a convincing Wylan and you can tell from both the show and from his interviews that he really cares about Wylan and his portrayal. Every time he LOOKED at Jesper I was like…wow just WOW.

- Getting to see Nina interacting with the Crows was nice. Especially when they turn around and she has waffles and Kaz has that annoyed moment but then we find out Nina got them the info they needed because she’s a spy and she’s incredible? 10/10 and one of the few moments that felt accurate to the real crows. Also, that part where she was talking to the guard and pretending she needed to pee (idk that was a weird way to describe it I know) but that was so Nina

- Also, just them together in a restaurant vibing was what I needed

- “The barrel doesn’t belong to kings. It belongs to bastards.”

- Tolya and Tamar were so cool in their introduction like they’re so hot and cool and powerful ahh

- When Genya, Alina, and Zoya are all at the Darling’s funeral pyre that was chilling

- The slivers of foreshadowing with Zoya.

Things I didn’t like:

- The weird slow motion in some of the fight scenes was so unnecessary lol

- Okay I’m not a fan of the Darkling and I’ve made that quite clear in the past, but I do think he’s a good and interesting villain and I like the Flavour he adds to the story but this season the Flavour was just…not there. It’s funny how many Darkling stans I’ve seen angry about this season because for once we’re in agreement. Like he was so boring and weird and just creepy instead of interesting and creepy? I wanted to skip all his scenes. Also, they took out so many of the awful things he did in the books like what about him killing Ana Kuya? When he says “you’ll have no shelter but me” that line hits so much harder and is so much more chilling and awful because he’s literally killing off the people in her life. Turning Nikolai into a monster himself?? The moment Alina loses her powers in the books and the Darkling tells her she’s nothing is SO IMPORTANT because it shows he’s just interested in her for her powers, which is a big theme in the books. As wonderful as Nikolai is, he needs Alina for what she can provide for Ravka. The Apparat just sees her for her power. Everyone wants to use Alina for something except for Mal who just wants them to be happy and able to make their own choices. Anyways, the Darkling didn’t feel like the Darkling from the books at all. Also, he was just cringy. Like I was laughing when he was like “I have returned. And I’ve made some new friends” and stared at the camera it was so bad.

- Ruin & Rising is my favourite from the trilogy and I was so disappointed with how much was cut out for the most random crap, like hallucinating and eating butterflies?? Instead of the bonding time with the whole TGT crew? And no Oncat I’m crying. There’s so much character growth that happens and so many relationships that are deepened in Ruin & Rising and WHERE WAS THAT?

- Personally, I didn’t think Paddy was giving Nikolai. Like he seems like a good person and actor and all that jazz but he just didn’t feel like Nikolai and since Nikolai is my favourite, this kind of hurt.

- Erasing Mal from the story and his struggles. Look, Mal is not by any means a perfect character. And he doesn’t need to be. Let him be messy. Let him struggle and sometimes be rude and make mistakes because that’s real that’s compelling. They could have shown all the book!Mal haters that maybe they were being too harsh on him because he was struggling SO MUCH but instead they just turned him into Perfect Supportive Man. His character growth in Ruin & Rising is so good especially after you’ve spent Siege & Storm thinking “what is going on with this man.” Seeing him owning up to his actions and seeing him working on his flaws and seeing his support for Alina is so good and we deserved it especially considering how talented Archie is.

- Cutting Zoya almost completely out, especially since this is the book where she goes through a lot of growth. Also, the fact that Alina choices they’re making are cutting into Zoya’s future story >:(

Things I HATED:

- Killing off David. WTF. Obviously we didn’t see a body so he might come back but like…what’s the point. We didn’t even get to see Genya and David get married.

- Almost all of the Crows content. The rushed Crooked Kingdom plotlines with none of the significance from the books. Rushed Wesper. Matthias working with Pekka. Nina’s character completely revolving around Matthias. Kanej focusing on Kaz’s trauma but not Inej’s and making her contract with the Menagerie all about Kaz and his vendetta against Pekka and killing off Tante. Actually, pretty much everything Kanej this season was so awfully handled. Also, just not a fan of the Crows being aged up and I tried to be okay with it but this season made me more upset with the casting choices. The Crows stuff was so so so badly done I want to cry. Comfort rereading the duology right now

- The ending. Just…frick the ending. I hate it. Too many thoughts I just hate it I can’t even talk about it

- I’ve already reblogged a lot of posts that go into things I hated but just in general it was such a mess they combined too many stories without doing them justice and there’s more I’m upset about but this is it for now

#anti shadow and bone #anti sab show #anti s&b show #shadow & bone #sab show #sab s2 #sab season 2 #shadow and bone s2 #shadow and bone spoilers #sab s2 spoilers #anti the darkling #anti darkling #anti darklina #malina #malyen oretsev #genya safin #genyadavid #six of crows #grishaverse

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powerfulblob · 1 year ago

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YEAH IT'S THAT POST TIME

let’s go!!!

OK so I’m gonna just talk about Goldenloin for a bit because Sir Fucksalot has given me many thoughts about life and shit

some background: I started out reading the Nimona comic, and was super hyped when the movie got released. I’m Korean, living in North America, and also queer and genderfucked which is probably relevant to this

ANYWAY

A lot of people have talked about the Model Minority Myth so far, but I wanted to talk about something else: Specifically, his complicity in other’s oppression, and how he uses his lack of choice in his privilege to justify his actions.

In that one scene: “A direct descendant of Gloreth? I never asked for that!” He’s actually really accurately portraying a lot of the conflicting feelings about being both privileged and Asian: It’s the recurring thought I’ve had so many times:

“Look: The only reason why I have this privilege in society is because of my parents’ horrible amounts of pressure, and the pressure their parents put on them, in order to not get literally crushed by it: I never asked for that! Why should I care if other POC are suffering?”

It’s about knowing that your position is horrible, and comes with thousands of sacrifices (especially when you consider the subtext that he’s had to hide his relationship with Boldheart from the media), but not being able to use that for the process of liberation?.

It’s about ignoring all of the ways in which you’re still not allowed to live freely (the poverty rates for queer Asian folx, the rates of suicide, the rates of illness, abuse).

It’s a constant struggle for me to avoid that train of thought: The “I don’t care,” the “it’s not my fault, because I never asked to live here,” the “What could I possibly do?” the “I better stay with this Institution, then, and not try to run away”

So in a way it was nice to see that, in the end, he (sorta) stood up for other people, himself and his values? Or something? I don’t know?

(Lol I do think that they absolutely fucked up his character growth in the end: They should have had a more coherent theme for his actions near the end of the movie, but I still love this character... If I were in charge of the movie, I’d definitely make sure he gets a better arc to go with that incredibly monologue near the middle that was sadly played off for comedic effect... if I were in charge of his ending, i would have made him resist the institution much more quickly, because he really didn't change much until legit the last minute, and they never quite explained why??? )

Yes, it is a children’s movie, and I’m probably getting a bit too worked up about this. But still... let me cook ig?

idk honestly i'll put together a more coherent essay later i think

#nimona #tw: suicide #tw: racism #tw: homophobia #tw: parental abuse #analysis #ambrosius goldenloin #koreanposting #ig #trans posting #i guess #how do I tag this?#i guess it's an essay?#yeah

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abdlgossipblogg · 3 days ago

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Unfollowed baby boys across platforms and the discomfort/ick i had for abdl is gone. For years I’ve enthusiastically stayed up to date on everything happening in the community and followed thousands of people. It made me genuinely happy to tap onto someone’s story and get a peek into their little life, but for the past two years I have the nature of this community..mostly what I’m realizing is influenced by male incles who are diaper obsessed. I’m a ex little and ddlg themes tend to trigger me, really hard be sure I have no interests in daddy doms anymore and I genuinely think there is only a few out there who genuinely care about caregiving and not using girls as a sex object. But I’ll take the ddlg and subtle wet/ messy photos and suggestive captios over the gross explicit photos men take. It literally ruins my day and I’m sure fucks with my perception of abdl anytime I see it. The nature of men’s photos are so bizarre when you actually think about the psychology of it all or what’s behind the scenes.. nothing other than hyper-sexual thoughts and wanting someone to join or encourage their masturbation. It’s really sad their motivation to post, more often than not, is to show off a picture of their distasteful diaper boners and how horny they are. Or getting off to the fact of exposing himself..It’s never EVER for cuteness. And somehow they actually believe with these photos they’re going to fish out the classy loving mommy of their dreams. If you’re gonna be gross atleast wear a cute outfit and make your background look cute and baby ffs. I don’t want to see you dwelling in a basement or weird dark room. The flash photos in dark spaces give me such a sinister vibe and it’s a tale sign something is off. A lot of you are in bed laying on their back, looking like they’re about to flick your stick right after your photo. So fucking lazy and gross. And the cheeky comments and vulgar language they use under other women’s photos is so distasteful and it drives me fucking nuts. then using the photo to publicly comment on how horny you are for thousands of people to see bc you get off to it but not paying women a single cent is so fucked up. I’m so sad this is the group of men I’m attracted to and have no choice to not be. They’re parasites. I know some girls would not have any genuine interest to go outside and show of their diaper, mess, or share very intimate details about themselves if it wasn’t for men encouraging them to for likes or validation (I’m talking about girls who do not sell content) I know a lot of these men know girls got bullied in school, have BPD, or some form of mental illness and try to play on that. Encouraging them to do what they want for their satisfaction. ! Especially a lot of the young girls! I was one of them. then you mature and realize you’re worthy and never needed their approval but it’s far too late and creeps are uploading old clips and instagram story bits on thisvid. All content is hyper sexual fantasy content these days, it’s ever rare i see someone being chill about this and enjoying this. I enjoy dark age play and all of that content, and I am also a sex worker, so don’t think I’m being conservative or gross. this is a kink community I understand that, but idk in the past few years it seems like everyone is on 100 at all times. And people are competing for who can share the most private parts about their life and be the most vulgar/ vulnerable. Idk. Long rant but I just want to see if anyone agrees. I’m happy with my timeline now and I hope women in this community continue to thrive and prosper. You all are so amazing and if it wasn’t for you this community would be some hell-site filled with boner pics and unattractive nasty freaks.

I mean I get that some men can be icky, but I don’t agree that it’s all abdl men. It sounds like you have some trauma surrounding this and if that’s the case I’m sorry.

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m1ckeyb3rry · 2 months ago

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Finally back to my chronically online era for the time being hoping it stays that way for while LOL

LMAOOO nooo this unfortunately is the grind type of grass so not particularly enjoyable shskdhs and trust me no amount of good influence could make me stop being online HAHAHA also you’ve probably already noticed but idk why sometimes there’ll just be a random a at the top of my reply idk why maybe im accidentally hitting a key when I paste into the ask box but um yeah just ignore that LMAO

So true I rarely ever see people striking the sweet spot that balances the on field asshole off field sweetheart!! Atp everything in the miraverse will slowly become canon oaeu so true I love the chigiri and nagi bff dynamic even them first talking in the 4v4 dorm was so cute!!!

NO BECAUSE ME TOO??? Heavy on the otoya and also I see so many CLICKBAIT KARASU EDITS BUT ITS ACTUALLY RIN UGH like it’ll show karasus intro or him from the additional time and flip to Rin like no stay where you are and edit my man please…..wait if the Barou editors started editing Karasu….wait…..no because they’ve got TASTE the music choice is always on point they make him look so scrumptious

UAHAHSHDHS REAL if Mira goes down I do too I’m crying but yeah why did he kinda kinda good there…..the power of an edit….,

We’re fr just on the same page LMAOOA because same I thought he was just being goofy and saying something like his “bakyuun” (???) hearing it side by side with the air horn has me cackling

HAHAHAHA Aiku would SO make Niko do tiktok trends with him wait imagine he drags him along to do those stupid street interviews like either the ones asking about opinions or like the “call your bffs bf to see if he’s cheating” or the “I’ll buy you anything if you don’t speak”

Always serving and saving my fyp fr thank you for your service o7 idk why but my fyp fr never floods with bllk actually what’s funny is I actually get more haikyuu content than bllk but I don’t even interact with or watch haikyuu content so??? And FR T-10 hours until ep2 im so hyped especially because the ep title is “assassin and ninja” so we KNOW karasus gonna be all over the episode

LMAOOO perhaps the next few episodes will persuade you….perchance….im crying it’s like nagi and Karasu shared custody battle over your theme or something LOL

HAHAHSH classic Mira activities /j it’s ok extra time just means more time to marinate and cook!!! Very excited to read the final product though!!

- Karasu anon

AHAHA YAYY WELCOME BACK!! and yeah ikwym like sometimes the grind takes over and you have to just lock in for a bit but then once it’s over the feeling of being chronically online once more is so refreshing!! and dw hehe i usually mentally filter it out and figure it’s smth funky going on w tumblr like usual

LONG LIVE OAEU it’s basically canon to ME like everything in it actually happened…omg only tangentially related but i missed having you to make silly jokes with because i’ve been forced to post them raw to the world and some people take them WAY too seriously and start yapping about how i’m being dramatic or interpreting characters incorrectly or whatever 😭 like uhhhh well. yes i AM exaggerating that’s how jokes work obviously i don’t view the characters that way irl 😓 sometimes the analysis grind takes over and people forget that you can just be lighthearted and silly about characters sometimes too but anyways…very happy to have you back…

BRO OMG THERE’S SO MANY EDITS WHERE IT STARTS OFF W KARASU AND SWITCHES TO RIN UGH FLIP THE CAMERA BACK GIRL I WANT THE CROW BOY!!!! i feel like barou fans need to like karasu he’s basically barou but slightly skinnier and with shorter hair KSDJFHSLKD like come on guys he’s made for you all to like him…edit him…please edit him…i’m on my knees PLEASEEEE at least otoya is getting love though??? but i’m actually so shocked that otoya has more fans than karasu HELP

WE ARE INSEPARABLE if i ever convert i will literally bring you with me i can’t convert on my own…no because that edit lowkey did him too well i was like huh ig i see it now 😩 not enough to like actually change my opinions though because the itoshi bro fanbase is a little too annoying for my liking so i could never join willingly but i do see the vision yk

YES it’s like an established thing for him to just make random noises so i thought this was some weird ninja bs he was on but no he’s actually just chill like that ig 😭 ugh i need to work on pursuit more so i can finally write him and karasu in that verse they are truly my goats and pursuit otoya especially has exactly that kind of humor where he just references dumb stuff constantly LKSJDF

HELP OH MY GOD HE WOULD he makes niko film him stopping random girls on the street or like niko’s holding the camera and the ring light while aiku does his little thirst traps or smth…aikuniko duo forever famous i will always love them

wait that is weird that you don’t get as much bllk 🤨 i will do my best to provide and serve…anyways animation on this ep wasn’t STELLAR however karasu looked so good and his voiceeeee oh my god and that one scene of his hands LKSJDF I HOPE YOU KNOW THE ONE it literally redeemed everything for me idgaf that abt the animation or wtvr i’m just happy we got to seem him 😩 i think karasu does look more majestic in the manga art style (maybe because the smirk doesn’t translate quite as well to movement and talking??) but he still looked rlly good!! and that one scene of him in the bambi osaka kit hehehe he’s so muscular omg i was fr giggling and kicking my feet every time he came on the screen (also we got the iconic “he’s…a villain 😱” line i’m sorry that will never not crack me up)

PLSSS KARASU AND NAGI CUSTODY BATTLE i wish they had majestic panels together so i could do a joint nagi and karasu theme…they have a lot of silly ones from the shibuya chapters but idk if it’s theme worthy…lowkey what i could do is have my header be one of the silly panels and then do one nagi panel and one karasu panel in my theme so that it’s still both of them?? idk i’ll have to think on it

HELP DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT IS ATM??? 15K AND I’M NOT EVEN DONE i never want to hear someone saying i don’t write as much for my opps EVER again it literally just depends on the way the request is formatted SLKDJFD like as long as you give me something i can work with i WILL cook it’s literally just people giving me the most specific scenarios with little plot that gets me to write shorter…not that there’s anything wrong with that those are fun to!! but it’s proof that it’s not the character as much as it is the scenario which gets me to do more or less ☝🏻 but anyways i’m kind of in the final section of it so hopefully that means it’ll be out before i go to bed tonight

#answered asks

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seiwas · 1 year ago

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helloooo sel!!♡

I hope you had a wonderful day today or so far or about to!! and omg you’re majoring in psych😆?!?!? that’s so cool🤩 I have so much respect and love for your career choice🫶

and yes! the fact that things end amicably but it just opens up all kinds of doors and brings up more questions is like bonkers😭 and I agree, reading the trope is one thing but like how healthy can it be for both parties irl like idk😭

And if I were given another to be with him I… tbh I want to say yes that I would go for it, but I also want to say no because I feel weak if I were to cave in that easily LMAO😭 like you know how when reading the exes to lovers trope the two are always kinda like “no! we broke off for a reason, I can’t just go back to them! I have to stay strong!” I feel like I would kinda act like that because I don’t want to be swept up that easily….but then there are the scenes with these tropes that are like “this isn’t right, I can’t be with them! unless👀…” AND I FEEL LIKE I WOULD ALSO ACT THIS WAY🤦‍♀️ like if they’re charm starts sneaking it’s way into the conversation BYE IM GONE💀 I would go WEAK in the knees and fall HARD all over again💀 knee caps GONE🤦‍♀️ (of course this all depends on the fact that if he’s still the same person he was and he hasn’t like drastically changed and become a horrible person or something lol💀 but those are my current thoughts on this topic thank you for coming to my Ted talk🧍‍♀️)

and AW OMG THE WAY YOU SEE YOUR BF IS SO CUTE😭 like all the little things that you see in him and how you interpret them is wholesome🥹 like these characters are just the best and that fact that you see him with all of their best qualities is so endearing like🥹💖🫶😆

and the way he teases you is so funny too (like his teasing is definitely at a atsumu+gojo level lmao), like his eyebrows waggling and the looks like that’s so silly😂 and your relationship is so sweet like the way you guys can still be silly besties but also love one another is so amazing! I just always feel like relationships that have started on the foundation of a great friendship are always so beautiful🥹

And thank you! my day did go well! I actually had a psych class that I had to go to and my professor had started giving us a lecture on sleep stages and dreams so it was really interesting! afterward, I went to this random event that my school was doing with a friend and we got these free air brush shirts and they were pretty cool!

Also I hope you were satisfied with the way your cookies turned out and that it brought you some smiles🥹🫶you’ve also reminded that I’ve been wanting to do some Halloween themed cookies so thank you teehee!! ૮꒰˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶꒱ა

AND YES!! ALL THE IDEAS FROM KOI ARE SO GOOD LIKE🤯 koi’s really cooking it up and serving us WHOLE MEALS over here❤️‍🔥

I’ve actually recently picked up hq bc I started watching it for shits and giggles when all the depressing satosugu stuff was happening in the summer and people were talking about how hq is so wholesome and how others should start watching it now that jjk is about to go through an emotional roller coaster and then…well… I now have another love of my life🧎‍♀️whenever something bad starts happening in the anime or manga for jjk now I just sigh and open up a new tab to watch another episode of hq teehee🤭 (I was VERY happy when we all started talking about hq and jjk on here lol)

IM SORRY SEL I RAMBLED TOO MUCH THIS TIME😭 and I saw that you were wondering whether col had regressed ever since tell me about love and I swear to you it has not😭🫶💖 you’re writing is so beautiful sel like there are so many lines that you have written that feel so poetic to me like omg you’re amazing ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

I hope this weekend is treating you well tho sel🥺🫶💕

⭐️ anon!

hello ⭐️ anon!! welcome back 💓 so sweet of you to swing by!! 🥺

my day has been great so far! had an early start and was able to go to the gym after weeks of skipping!! (actually can't believe how much i missed it 🥹 starting smth again after stopping for a while can be so intimidating but i'm glad i pushed myself to do it!!) & i'm graduated already!! hehe but i'm glad you seem to like psych!! what's yours?

i agree!! an exes to lovers can be so messy if not done carefully 🤧 but i completely get what you mean abt not caving in!! but that's so true!! a lot of time has passed and both of you could be very different people!! and whether that compatibility is still there is a very valid thing to consider!! ��

and you're so cute nonie omg 😭 i think i describe him w these characters bc it's the only way i can paint a good picture of him for people on here to understand 🥹 but i'm giggling at how you find it wholesome 🥹 + yes!! omg his teasing rlly is at atsumu/gojo level 😭 he makes fun of me a lot too but it never goes too far 😭 like it's always up until the point that i'm still hiding a smile abt it 🥹 and i do love that abt our relationship too nonie!! that he's my bestfriend and bf in one!! i feel like this is why everything i write is a friends to lovers tbh 😭

ohhh!!! sleep stages and dreams is an interesting topic!! im glad you found it cool!! and the event you went to with your friend too!! im happy you enjoyed 💗

omg i just baked a batch after making it rest overnight and i think i messed smth up in the recipe 😭 it didn't turn out good 😭 but i guess it's bc i tinkered around w it so much 😭 i hope your halloween cookies turn out amazing tho!! ive been seeing a lot of snickerdoodle recipes on my youtube lately!!

YES shoutout to you koi @dear-koi omg you're doing god's work feeding the iwa nation over here 🥹

AND YOU PICKED UP HQ??? OMG THAT'S SO EXCITING!! TELL ME MOREEEE!! hq is really wholesome 😭 you only lose games not lives 😭 (but it's still pretty heartbreaking 😭 hq!! is my bf's fave anime and it made him cry like 2 times 😭😭😭) who are your faves so far?? and who's your team!!! aAAAH

and please don't apologise for rambling omg?? i think it's so sweet that you're continually dropping by to chat and share about your day!! 🥹 and oh gosh my ramblings omg you are so sweet for noticing and for coming in here to reassure me 🥺 i think i just think about it from time to time and worry about it ykno! but i'm glad that you feel that way 🥹 i appreciate it so much and am so touched that you still enjoy the way i've been writing the recent additions!!

i hope this weekend is amazing for you nonie, you are so incredibly sweet!

#long post ahead!#nonie.⭐️#ask #rep #love mail

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hollyhomburg · 3 years ago

Text

Before I Leave You: Asks/Drabble Archive

Notes: this has been a long long long time coming- this is literally everything that i’ve ever written for Bily outside of the canonical chaptered content. Some of these ideas are more developed than the others- and several times in the last year i’ve re-visited certian parts of bily and revised my initial thoughts on it- so i wouldn’t call all of this ��cannon’

my favorite part of these are often your takes on what i’ve written and as a function of that sometimes- your ask part is longer than my response. some of these are longer and some of these are only a few sentences- the longer ones and more ‘quality’ asks start around January of this year! there is some triggering content and some that’s smutty, very little of it is tagged so proceed at your own risk! I will try to update it monthly with all the asks i answer!

i recommend that you read the entirety of Bily before you start the asks, because some of them contain spoilers for later chapters! if you want me to build on any of these asks further- please refer to them by month and number!

Before I Leave you Series Masterlist

April 2021

Will there be little space in the story?

The pack’s scents

mommy tae spoilers

bily pairs and their love vibes

what do the bily packmates look like?

May 2021

yoongi and his visectomy

angsty idea

bily house inspiration pics

rambling about bily themes

bily kitchen inspo

jimin praising the m/c 🥰

miscelanous ramblings

The genetics of A/B/O

namjoon being a beefcake crack smut

apparently i wrote namjoon having a mommy kink before tae?

June 2021

who wants to have pups in bily?

jungkook’s diet

big bily nesting bed inspo

nesting moodboard

July 2021

Mini Fridge

M/c’s family

more info about jungkook’s diet

m/c’s clothing choices explained

what hobi’s introduction to the pack was like

pack matching pj’s and onsies

soft dom namjoon if the m/c got sick

the start of the m/c not knowing she and yoongi have a casual d/s relationship

an au that is not cannon bily but certianly bily vibes

vmin wedding

pushing joonies buttons

????? idk what this is refrencing but it’s lowkey really hot

who is dominant and who is submissive in bily?

jin teasing joonie with slick

loudest to quietest in bed ranking

starbucks run cuteness

soup angst

bily love languages

m/c with a bruised clitty cuteness

just a bit of bily smut

dilf namjoon cuteness

other mating marks besides the m/c and yoongi? no nibbling

mating mark explanations

mommy tae oversimulation

mommy tae softness

m/c in a pseudo heat + omegaspace

how long are heats?

is the m/c bi or straight?

m/c feeling feverish fluff

jin and m/c matching aprons

those aprons but add jimin and make it horny

jimin in rut

jinnie and m/c fluff with meal-prep

omegan orgasams are a little addictive to alphas? maybe?

bily kids talk

nesting sheets

August 2021

sad tidbit about hobi’s scent and how he used to smell before his abuse

soup fluff

m/c nesting fluff + jinnie praise

what yoongi’s reaction was when he woke up and found the m/c gone in chapter 12

breif dom drop + sub drop convo

more discussions about heats and what they look like in the bily universe

bily memes (hobi + m/c)

what would have happened had the m/c actually left the pack in chapter 12

alternative bily universe- the pack trying to convince the m/c to come back

this is just a cute ask

M/c and her non-praise kink? punishment kink? degredation kink? praise as a punishment kink?

yoongi finding out the m/c is pregnant 🥺

the pack around the m/c when she’s pregnant 🥺

jin and the m/c teaching their pups how to cook

yoongi getting a visectomy

washing machine heart + tae and the m/c

will bily tae ever undergo hormone therapy?

jk and m/c dynamic in bed

bily vs the real boys

m/c and sudden onset heat

home reno during their first pup

hobi’s little pup hats

tae wearing joon’s clothes

the pack and their pups fluff

pups falling asleep on namjoon

bily jin inspo pictures

m/c’s scars

moonbyul and her intentions

moodboard for tae’s library

overstimulated m/c (non smut)

namjoon spanking the m/c

September 2021

the m/c talking in her sleep

bily koo’s kinks

mommy tae + questionable kinks.

mommy tae photoshoot

tae and m/c moodboard/inspo pics

24 hour dom sub dynamics

fluffy mommy tae + puppy play

discussion about trans tae

m/c getting manhandled

jk breeding kink

why does koo not want to have pups

more inspo for tae’s library

some good old tiddy sucking

reproduction in bily

more breeding kink

yoongi rut/heat

what does a mating mark feel like?

m/c not knowing korean crack

m/c in pre-heat

Soup meme

what if the m/c was older?

little space??

tictoks as a love language

a/b/o scent + au generator

top ten things on tae’s mind

jin’s top teir omega dick

is bily an oc or an m/c?

m/c and shirtless joonie

THE FLUFFIEST LITTLE SPACE SHIT EVER

tagental a/b/o au where everyone shifts

more little space stuff

more jk in pre-heat

what is yoongi into?

namjoon scruffing the m/c

jk seeing the m/c’s scars for the first time

after sex fluff with vmin + mommy kink

another tae moodboard

October 2021

more bily memes

m/c nesting with tae

tae cute poetry

koo making the m/c a cake

m/c shaving

a review of the bily packmates jobs

bily packmates and their titles

m/c getting hickeys

m/c singing capabilities

jinnie singing her a lullaby

more inspo for what the bily pack looks like

m/c making charm bracelets for the pack

the packs kids

what if the m/c had chunky thighs?

bily soundtrack

what kind of hickeys would the pack like to leave on the m/c?

bily??? fanart??? astounding!!!! so happy!!

m/c and 10ft by 10ft blanket

packs reaction to hobi giving the m/c a hickey

queerness in the bily universe

the packs favorite type of kisses

November 2021

what kind of tv does the pack watch?

the first time jimin calls tae ‘my girl’

what kind of music does the pack listen too?

hobi sending the m/c ticktoks

what is the pack’s favorite item of clothing to see the m/c in?

the pack’s reaction to the m/c’s chubby hands when she gains weight?

reminder that bily take’s place in boston Massachusetts (technically)

origin stiry of bily- how i got the idea for the series

yoongi has a new yorker accent

tae and m/c wearing matching earings

what are the alphas like on rut?

this post gives me bily vibes

where are tae and jimin from then?

does moonbyul want the m/c for herself?

is bily going to have a happy ending?

tae gives the pack boudoir for christmas

how would the pack react to the m/c being sick?

asexual people in the bily universe!

BILY MEMES

tae has a foot fetish (jk)

jimin’s snake tattoo

more of moonbyuls intentions with the m/c

female alphas?

IMPORTANT: explanation of bily genetics

are jobs segregated by secondary gender in bily?

nesting moodboards

jin prepping the m/c for her heat

super special yoongi days

what would yoongi day’s look like?

namgikookjin x m/c first time

omega treats

namjin being dom’s for her

mommy tae and pet play <3

mommy tae insp pics

bily namjoon in pre-rut

alpha rut + pregnant packmates

m/c’s big boobs

jin being upset with the alphas when the m/c’s pregnant

m/c being worried about gaining weight while pregnant

m/c being grumpy and overstimulated

alphas reaction to the m/c getting the zoomies

the m/c loveing to cook

m/c getting so sick that she stopped nesting

what does the m/c’s pantry look like?

bily hobi helping the m/c nest

m/c’s personal nest

namjoon having a rough day at work

why is the bily’s packlife so domestic?

December 2021

does the m/c realize the others love her?

what was jimin as an alpha pre- yoongi leaving?

jingi taking care of the m/c through her heat

What does jin look like in omegaspace?

what about all omegas in omegaspace at the same time?

m/c babbling during sex

added to prior ask can’t find

ANGSTY secondary au

more angst from that au

angst part 3

m/c teasing namjoon

when the pack make the mistake of spraying namjoon with the hose

jk has a teny tiny cock

alpha joonie in rut wanting to mark his omegas with his pee

nj in deep rut

if the bily pack where hybrids what hybrid would they be?

jk and m/c playing without permission

what does scruffing feel like?

m/c sitting in namjoon’s lap in deep omegaspace.

m/c healing fluff

namjin and their one on one dates

hobi’s kinks as a coping mechanism

m/c’s first birthday after geumjae

vmin smothering the m/c in cuddles

almost asleep bily cuddles

m/c trying and failing to dom

m/c wearing one of namjoon’s sweaters 🥺

aquarium dates

bily m/c baking inspo

tae dying her hair pink

vibrator shenanigans

who is who’s preferred packmate?

reward of making the m/c sit on the alphas faces.

m/c doesn’t know how to ask for spanks

breif hornyness describing namjoon and jimin’s different sex aesthetic

grumpy puppy alpha joonie

nj being cute

cute nesting aesthetic

between namjin who subs and who dom’s?

an indepth conversation about the bily packs non-sexual sleeping habbits

non/sexual dom sub habits in bily

m/c pillow humping shenanigans

yoongi crack

m/c sick fluff

joon scruffing m/c

more scruffing

could namjoon ever get scruffed?

m/c christmas lingerie

tae dressing the m/c up

m/c nesting pillows 🥺

cute fluffy christmas crack

bily watergun fight

how well would the bily boys get along with their real life counterparts?

dom/sub scenes

packfluff

m/c and her trauma surrounding oral sex

m/c choosing to go non-verbal

who has the most friends outside of the pack?

bily namjoon insp ticktok (daddy? sorry. dadd? sorry-)

alphaspace

m/c outfit inspo

more fashion

FASHION PT 3

namjin courting cuteness

BILY HOUSE FLOOR PLAN

how is the pack alpha/omega chosen?

crystals and plants oh my

MORE OF THE BEST MEMES ON THE PLANET

this slam poem reminded me of bily

sleepy tae tae visual 🥺

January 2022

what kind of punishments do they give the m/c?

love soup

soothing via sucking on scent glands

lactation kink + please check the tags on this ask for smut

hobi and the m/c’s sex life

more mommy tae

jk and m/c getting in trouble~

soft flowery little m/c

hobi’s first subdrop

yoongi getting those sloppy m/c seconds

jin’s pups in matching outfits

do alphas ever nest?

what would have happened had the m/c decided to get on the train?

namjoon before he had a pack 🥺

Joon in jin’s nest for the first time

kitty pics that remind people of the m/c + fluff

what would jimin do if someone expressed interest in tae?

the bunny plush

m/c collar inspo

what do the pack’s collars say?

would hobi ever punish the m/c?

m/c going into heat without anyone but hobi there

what would hobi’s reaction be to the m/c picking up her collar?

the m/c with her bell collar 🥰

packmates petnames for the m/c

m/c getting friends outside the pack + posessive packmates

Favorite sex positions?

Namjoon’s collar 🥺

M/c’s addictive slick and namjoon getting withdrawl

M/c cottage core ask that i really love

Alphas liking omega on omega action

What if the m/c got triggered while she was outside of the packhouse and alone?

Bily on tictok concept

The m/c has not a dom bone in her littol body

More on the addictive cochie juice

What does everyone in the bily pack look like (third take)

M/c making a friend outside the pack (part two)

scent gland placement

Explanation of tae’s sexual habits in the pack

hobi, yoongi, and the m/c drunk

Did geumjae ever kill anyone?

courting habits

BILY NESTS

m/c in heat

namjoon’s familial pack

m/c and jk shenanigans

m/c getting knocked up in the future?

m/c finding a lost pup out in public.

bily pack as parents

more pups

yoongi and m/c vibes

would the pack ever tell their pups what happened to the m/c?

idk if you have to imagine the boys as being 7ft a peice, you are small compared to them in bily.

jk teaching the m/c to box

m/c cutting her hair super short + ideas of non-binary m/c

m/c using sex to SH

m/c having super small baby pup time

what if the m/c actually was taller than them?

how does courting work?

bily pack’s scents (review)

namjoon after a large surgery

bily house?

bily memes

how did namjoon ask the others to court them?

what is presentation like?

an explanation of yoongi’s emotions during the chapters where they’re all talking in the next about courting

do the others ever choose to be mated?

what does the pack look like in the chapter with the courting?

societal connotations of omega x omega love in bily?

namjoon courting gifts

heart themed dates

what kind of courting gifts did geumjae get the m/c?

mugs as courting gifts

who’s going to do the courting?

is the pack rich?

what does the m/cs mating mark look like?

more courting gifts

more and more

m/c short haircut and more!

m/c tiny vibrator.

namjoon’s too big dick- check tags

👀 spicy hobi and m/c headcannon

what is everyone’s job in bily again?

how did jk come into the picture if jimin was so tae focused?

who has the highest sex drive?

m/c, Tae, and their dress collection.

hole check smut (long)

yoongi’s scent?

jk’s danger /pain kink

random bily facts

more little details

tae and the m/c’s pups? no pups? yes pups?

bily boston tidbits

m/c’s scipped heats

POC M/C + protective hair styles 💜

another bily tictok (the bird one)

m/c having a bad day

hobi handling the m/c in a non-verbal episode

why is joon a doctor?

bily jk pole dancing ticktok

namjoon reaction to jk pole dancing

tiny m/c cuteness

train station chapter from yoongi’s pov

m/c and hobi’s sex life, vanilla or kinky?

sex logistics

mommy tae + puppy pads

namjoon puppy pads

yoongi and m/c touch tictok 🥺

(discussion) is a/b/o Transphobic?

good cop tae and bad cop jin

m/c’s punishments for doing pranks

m/c dripping slick all over the house

chastity cages

is the m/c allowed to curse?

is the m/c allowed to touch herself without the dom’s

aftercare in omegaspace?

m/c and jk post scene

bily jk’s tiny tiny dick

are all male omega dicks small? what are the sizes of the packmates cocks?

tiny dick = sucking toy

list of the packmates kinks

just some praise for bily joon

asexual alphas/ omegas?

what kind of music does the m/c listen too?

aftercare after a pussy spanking.

namjoon + m/c breeding kink

photos that remind me of bily

m/c and tae’s official theme song

m/c drunk

what would have happened if yoongi hadn’t marked the m/c?

does the pack have any spesific placements they sit at at the dining table?

namjoon at the head of the table 🥰

pack belly piercings + hobi’s dick piercing

m/c’s safewords

boob grabbing for stress relief

m/c with big boobs

more big boob m/c

titty fucking

jk nipple clamps

jk maybe getting boobs of his own?

taking care of the m/c when she’s sick.

m/c being chubby and the others loving it

hobi being a good puppy

m/c and tae wearing matching bikini’s

SERIOUS M/C ANGST (LONG)

how would yoongi react to the m/c going away?

does tae fully transition?

who in the pack is in contact with their parents?

how do female alphas have dicks?

(important) bily packmates as soups

why would joon like an entitled m/c?

omegan body grooming.

why was joonie freaked out by the m/c not getting her heat?

what is hobi and the m/c’s love like?

free use fridays expanded

namjoon participating in free use fridays as a pet

more talk on free use fridays

February 2022

non-biological parents in packs? how do they parent?

what percentage are the pack in love with her so far?

biggest argument in bily pack history?

m/c and tae smut short

one on one pack activities

hobi eating the m/c out

does anyone in the pack have a pee kink?

jinhope x m/c smut

jk’s fixation with the m/c’s thighs

little space = omegaspace in bily

vmin sex

does jimin really love the m/c?

alphas and their slick fixation

jin’s little grooming habits for the m/c

who likes jk’s endless libido the most?

who’s most likely to get horny from a kiss

m/c’s reaction to hobi’s shibari kink?

vmin’s sex life before jungkook

what does m/c say in omegaspace on her bad days? ANGST

how does yoongi handle the m/c’s bad omegaspace days?

alphas smothering the m/c in omegaspace

how tall is the m/c?

hobi and m/c grooming fluff

jinnie in omegaspace?

m/c getting stuffies for her nest

m/c and her first pup + complications

bily yoongi memes

m/c’s addictive slick *taps mic*

geumjae body modification

m/c’s boobs are lowkey the best thing in the universe

jin’s reaction to jk and the m/c having a fight

jk and the m/c in omegaspace

koo is a painslut

would jin be posessive of the m/c’s pups?

cockwarming

jk and m/c being jin’s puppies

jinnie and lactation kink + hobi puppy

hobi in the m/c’s nest

chubby m/c being the pack’s little body heater 💜

the bad side of heats :(

alpha to omega ratio in bily

jk and m/c’s sexual dynamic

m/c’s heats

bily adjacent dark fluff a/b/o au

was jk ever insecure about having a small dick?

m/c pegging jk 🥰

m/c with a strap is the pack’s best nightmare 🥰

yoongi’s reaction to the m/c’s strap

how is jimin in the pack sexually?

another bily adjacent a/b/o au

where would the m/c be if she never met geumjae?

*foaming at the mouth* JINNIE IN PRE-HEAT

the pack’s first pup being the chubbiest little nugget

would jinnie be a stay at home pup?

namjoon being the daddy to tae’s mommy

which is each packmates favorite m/c baked treat?

tiramisu 🥺

m/c’s wedding dress

m/c wedding insp picks 🥺

Tae and m/c wedding 🥺 the pinkest affair

more pack weddings

pack wedding rings

jimin + the m/c’s addicitive slick (long)

are all pack’s romantic? or are some platonic

what does the house in bily look like?

what would the pack’s reactions be like if the m/c had bad dreams and hadn’t slept?

why did yoongi get a visectomy?

jinnie wanted to have pups with yoongi 🥺

when did yoongi get the procedure?

baby bird 🥺

what if the m/c didn’t want to have pups?

yoongi and his tangerines

namjoon’s the hospital gossip- mrs. min

m/c’s parents

the packs reaction to getting slick drunk

ASK COUNT: 494

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rushipedia · 3 years ago

Note

hellu!! ((spoilers for the new event if you haven’t done it!)) I’ve had this idea for like an albedo x reader where it involves his impostor from the new event & i was wondering if you’d be interested in writing something that involved his impostor 👀👀? ITS SO VAGUE SORRY HAHA BUTJFJKGLG I’d love to see what you write if you’re inspired by it 😳💖

A Lonely Encounter - Part 1. (2)

A/N: OH THIS ASK IS SO WONDERFUL I'm a little worried about the vague spoilers in the ask though so I apologize to anyone that happens upon this and doesn't know yet!! Ty for the asks anon!!!

Edit: ok I just finished writing this and it ran a little long, but it's not too lengthy. I just got a burst of inspiration.

The actual fanfic is underneath my rlly long theory ramble in case u wanna skip that part LOL i just needed to tell someone about it...Tumblr is a gr8 place for that. (Maybe I should make a separate post for it, but I'm too lazy. sorry anon.)

Pairing: Albedo x GN!reader (pre-relationship or pre-existing relationship, your choice.)

Genre: There's really no theme... mystery perhaps. Tbh its kind of wholesome. One-shot (or maybe not... will there be more? idk...)

Word Count: 1086

Warnings: MAJOR Spoilers for the recent Albedo event!!, Albedo is acting slightly possessive again (idk why i always write him that way), but tbh he just wants to protect you.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

Theories!

There are 3 Albedos I believe (not just in theory, I think there were actually 3.), 2 were creations of Rhinedottir and one was the creation of the imposter Albedo (But it wasn't actually an Albedo, it was simply a mutated plant that was used to mimic and distract him from something else.)

I believe that the 1st Albedo is the Albedo we know to be the "impostor" and the 2nd one is the Albedo that we know and that the first Albedo was somehow not what Rhinedottir wanted and she attempted to dispose of him. (Not very nice dude...) Anyway! Since Albedo calls the impostor "Master's failed specimen in the dragon's belly", I think he may be either referring to the impostor just being in Dragonspine OR that Durin was used to dispose of the first albedo. (Weird, I know...) That could've been how the impostor ended up in Dragonspine. No theorizing there, he also could've just walked LMAO.

Also, during Albedo's monologue during the end, I feel like it was definitely from our Albedo's point of view, at least up until the very end where he talks about being human and being brought into the world. Maybe it's to show Albedo's astounding amount of empathy despite being synthetic, or it's to show the original Albedo's true feelings? Not sure there. Either way, it is extremely sad.

Things were different now that the two of you were aware of it. The feeling of being watched couldn't simply be blamed on the wild animals and camouflaged creatures in the area anymore. You would be working quietly when suddenly you would share a look with him. Then his sword would be out.

He had made the choice to let his imposter live. But at what cost, he now wonders. The cost of his focus? Or his sense of safety in solitude?

You weren't all that bothered by it. Nothing remotely deadly had happened since what had gone down a few weeks ago.

"Albedo," You said to the blonde, who was currently staring blankly at the vial in his hand. He was shaken from his thoughts and focused back on the vial, which he now noticed was not the color it was supposed to be. He made a slightly disappointed expression before turning towards you.

"What is it, Y/N?" He asked, setting the vial back into the rack.

"We're out of mint," You say, rocking back and forth on your heels. "I'm going to go collect some."

So far, Albedo had refused to let you out of his sight. You hadn't been able to go looking for ingredients or get a moment to yourself for days.

"Ah, okay." He said, before retrieving his sword. "Let's go."

"Well, um... I was hoping I could go by myself." You said, avoiding making eye contact with him. His arm with which he brandished his sword sort of went limp and he kind of just looked at you like he was thinking about something.

"I have a sword too, you know." You laughed nervously, pulling out your own. The one he'd given you. The one he'd said only you could brandish. He was silent for a moment more.

His brows knitted together slightly before he nodded.

"Okay. Be careful. Shout if you need me." He said, looking into your eyes rather intensely from where he stood a few feet away, "I will hear you."

You nodded, before waving and turning away.

You weren't all too worried about being alone, given that nothing eventful had happened. But maybe that was because the two of you hadn't been apart since then. Then again, it didn't seem to have any trouble with causing problems for groups of people. You thought back to the avalanche.

You picked mint carefully, placing it into your bag. It was rather nice to be alone, even if it's just for a little while. You adore Albedo, but his presence can be smothering. Anyone's is when you're unseparated for that long. It was no fault of his for wanting to keep you safe.

You wandered from the path to collect some Starsilver you'd spotted growing from a rock. Leisurely, you collected the brittle material to bring back to Albedo. You heard a rustle a few feet away from you and flicked your eyes towards the sound. It was too quiet.

Just then, you heard heavy steps crunching in the snow behind you. You whipped around quickly, sword drawn in an instant.

It was Albedo. You glanced immediately at his neck. No diamond, this was not your Albedo. He simply stood there and stared at you, it was rather unusual.

You clutched the Starsilver in your hand and tried to open your bag to drop it in there so you could make your escape.

"Why do you carry those?" He asked, suddenly. His eyes glanced down to the ore in your hand. His face remained blank. No trace of curiosity. Just blank.

"The Starsilver...?" You asked, extremely confused. He closed his eyes momentarily and nodded. "It's for paint."

He shook his head. "I know, but they are the lackluster sort like you talked about."

His eyes seemed to dull. You glanced down at them, but you couldn't tell the difference, despite the advice of Albedo, Paimon, and the traveler last time you'd collected some.

"Well, it'll all be turned into silver paint, anyway. I'll use it if Albedo doesn't." You shrugged, strangely feeling like you could let your guard down. Your arm relaxed a bit.

He took that moment to lunge forward to grab you by your shirt collar.

"ALBED-!" You tried to yell, but he covered your mouth. You struggled.

"Teach me how to paint." He muttered, gripping your clothing tighter. You dropped your sword and lifted your leg to kick him away. He stumbled but regained his composure quickly.

You simply stared at each other. He grits his teeth in frustration and turned away, walking back in the direction he came from.

Teach him to paint? Does he want to create more creatures? You don't want to be responsible for something like that if that's what he is trying to do.

But maybe he wants the simpler aspect of it. Surely there's not much for him to do up here. He'd needed Albedo's notes to create the Whopperflower, so he's clearly not a genius at alchemy either. It's a good way to pass the time, the same reason that Paimon had wanted the traveler to learn.

You snapped your head towards the sound of quick footsteps coming towards you. Symbol-clad neck. Your Albedo. His sword was out.

You didn't know what to say when he stood there a few feet away, seeing that there was nothing wrong with you. He straightened up.

"What do you need?" He asked. He didn't mind that you weren't in trouble. He was relieved, actually.

"Nothing..? Ahh, well." You said, still dazed from the events that had just taken place. You quickly formulated a lie. You weren't protecting the impostor or anything like that, right? Just making sure Albedo wasn't worrying about you anymore.

"I picked some mint and a Whopperflower surprised me..." You laughed nervously. He seemed to relax. "I guess I'm still a little paranoid from last time, sorry."

"Don't apologize." He said, "It is merely human nature to become wary of things that have affected you in the past. Especially if those same events can occur again." He said, stepping closer to you. He wrapped his arm around your mid-section and looked towards the top of the mountain.

The wind blew cold.

"Let's go back now." He said after being silent for a few moments. "I'll cook dinner."

"Okay," You mumbled. You looked back over your shoulder as you walked beside him back to camp. You swear you could see a flash of blue eyes between the brush and snow.

rushipedia ☆ 2021

#☆rushipedia #☆rushipediaoneshots #albedo x reader #gender neutral reader #genshin x reader #albedo x gender neutral reader #impostor albedo #boy what do i call him #i accidentally just copied and pasted the entire fic into the tags and spent 5 minutes deleting it help me #imposter albedo x reader #imposter albedo

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echoesanddoodles · 2 years ago

Text

nope thoughts

got to see Nope today and it was honestly as good as I was hoping for. so worth the wait!

just like. my mind is still reeling and processing and there’s SO. MUCH. snuck in there i definitely want to go watch it again but just moments like:

- Em messing up how many greats (great, great grandfather) because she had memorized her father’s speech she’s later seen watching :’)

- Ricky/Jupe being like. performatively evasive/dismissive and ever the showman in talking about the Gordy’s Home incident: giving a few details then moving to describing the SNL skit and the actors being sharply cut with his face as a child during the actual tramautic event. it was so evocative and showed so much about his character in an instant.

-while on the subject, the sound editing and choices of music/moments of stillness like in the long scene of the gordy’s home incident. i found myself holding my breath trying to also stay silent.

-also during that, the emphasis on “bad miracles” and focusing on anomalies/odd moments during a traumatic experience with the peculiarity of the shoe standard perfectly upright. Something about focusing on the strangeness of that over the horror surrounding it really hit. I know personally from some traumatic events there were weird things adjacent-but-separate to the experience that I have really strong memories of, glomming onto that instead of the bad thing itself.

- when the crowd was grabbed during the show? them being dragged inside of JJ actually made me viscerally uncomfortable.

-Peele’s continued skill with developing tension too. the aliens in the stable scene? the long pause waiting for the head to peak around the corner? immaculate.

-i also hollered at the solemn recitation of the Purple People Eater song. I had a halloween plushy growing up that would sing it and I cannot begin to describe how insane it made me hearing it referenced in this movie oh my god

-AKIRA SLIDE

- Jean Jacket doing the ultimate defensive predator move, OJ standing his ground in that final showdown.

-the auteur camera guy and the idea of the “impossible shot”. There was this emphasis on spectacle and personally, a feeling that really hit home about an impulse in some creatives for the obsession with perfection in their craft: chasing that impossible shot. Yes he mentioned others not deserving to see a miracle, but he also went to record his own impossible shot, no matter the harm to himself. Destroying your self to achieve your own creative pinnacle, no matter the fact that others will not get to witness it.

ok also I know a few folks have said it’s kind of slow but I really didn’t feel that way at all. I think the pacing was really solid and built up well. there were no moments I was bored or like “ok we GET IT” and i think the way the main story was intercut with the Gordy’s incident was really well balanced and showcased the theme and story really well. Idk. I thought it was really smooth, but it could also be bc i’ve watched too many cheap shitty or really old horror flicks, so I have built up a tolerance for slow builds. even if it does take a bit of time, it pays off really well.

Also, the actors were all incredible and I’m in love with daniel kaluuya and keke palmer

#nope #nope spoilers #my thoughts #i'm mostly incoherent here probably #look i know some were mixed on US but it is absolutely one of my favorite horror movies now and so I have been WAITING and HOPING for this #and it did not disappoint

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pumpkinpaix · 4 years ago

Note

Pleeeeeeease get into the class one at some point because I very much want to understand the class dynamics happening in the story but I have yet to find a meta that dives into it

god anon you want me dead don’t you alsjdfljks

referring to this post

okay, so -- my specific salt about class interpretations in mdzs are very targeted. I can’t pretend to have a deep understanding of how class works in mdzs generally because uhhhhh yeah i don’t think i have that. i’m just not familiar enough with the genre and/or the particulars of chinese class systems. but! i can talk in general terms as to why I feel a certain way about the class dynamics that I do think I understand and how I think they relate to the themes of the novel! i’m gonna talk about wei wuxian, the daozhangs, xue yang, and 3zun with, I’m sure, a bunch of digressions along the way.

the usual disclaimers: i do not think you are a bad person if you hold opinions contrary to my own. i may disagree with you very strongly, but like. this isn’t a moral judgment, fandom is transformative and interpretive etc. etc. and i may change my mind. who knows what the future will bring!

OKAY so let’s begin!

here’s the thing about wei wuxian: he’s not poor. I think because characters use “son of a servant” kind of often when they’re trying to insult him, a lot of people latch onto that and think that it’s a much stronger indication of his societal status than it actually is. iirc, most of the insults that fall along the “son of a servant” line come after wei wuxian starts breaking severely from tradition. it’s a convenient thing to attack him for, but doesn’t actually indicate anything about his wealth. (exception: yu ziyuan, but that’s a personal familial issue) this is in direct contrast to jin guangyao who is constantly mocked for his family line, publicly and privately, no matter what he does.

so this, coupled with all the jokes about wwx never having any money (wei wuqian, sizhui’s “i’ve long since known you had no money” etc.), plus his like, rough years on the street as a child ends up producing this interpretation of wei wuxian, especially in modern aus, as someone who is very class conscious and “eat the rich”. but the fact of the matter is, wei wuxian IS rich. aside from the years in his childhood and the last two years of his life in yiling, like -- wei wuxian had money and status. he is gentry. he is respected as gentry. he is treated as a son by the sect leader of yunmeng jiang -- he does not have the jiang name, but it is so very clear that jiang fengmian favors him. wei wuxian is ranked fourth of all the eligible young masters in the cultivation world -- that is not a ranking he could have attained without being accepted into the upper class.

wei wuxian’s poverty does not affect him in the way that it affects jin guangyao or xue yang. he is of low-ish birth (still the son of jiang fengmian’s right hand man though! ok sure, “son of a servant” but like. >_> whatever anyways), but for most of his life he had money. he, jiang cheng, and their sect brothers go into town and steal lotus pods with the understanding that “jiang-shushu will pay for it”. this is a regular thing! that’s fucking rich kid behavior!!! wei wuxian is careless with money because he doesn’t have to worry about it. he still has almost all the benefits of being upper class: education, food security, respect, recognition etc. I think there may also be a misconception that wei wuxian was always on the verge of being kicked out by yu ziyuan, or that he was constantly walking on eggshells around her for fear of being disowned, but that is just textually untrue. i could provide receipts, but I admittedly don’t really feel like digging them up just now ;;

even in his last years in yiling, he was not the one who was dealing with the acute knowledge of poverty: wen qing is the one managing the money, and as far as we know, wei wuxian did little to no management of daily life during the burial mounds days -- mostly, he’s described as hiding in his cave for days on end, working on his inventions, running around like a force of chaos, frivolously making a mess of things -- it’s very very cute that he buries a’yuan in the dirt, but in classic wei wuxian fashion, he did Not think about the practical consequences of it -- that A’Yuan has no other clean clothes, and now he’s gotten this set dirty and has no intention of washing them. is this a personality thing? yeah, but I think it’s also indicative of his lack of concern over the logistics of everyday survival, re: wealth.

furthermore, i think it is important to remember that wei wuxian, when he is protecting the wen remnants, is not protecting common folk: he is still protecting gentry. fallen gentry, yes! but gentry nonetheless. wen qing was favored by wen ruohan, and wen ning himself says that he has a retinue of people under his command (the remnants, essentially). their branch of the family do not have the experience of living and growing in poverty -- they are impoverished and persecuted in their last years, but that’s a very different thing from being impoverished your whole life. (sidenote: I do not believe wei wuxian’s primary motivation for defending the wen remnants was justice -- i believe he did it because he felt he owed wen ning and wen qing a life debt, and once he was there, he wasn’t going to stand around and let the work camps go on. yes, he is concerned about justice and doing the right thing, but that’s not why he went in the first place. anyways, that’s another meta)

after wei wuxian returns, he then marries back into gentry, and very wealthy gentry at that. lwj provides him all the money he could ever want, he is never worried about going homeless, starving, being denied opportunities based on his class and accompanying disadvantages. who would dare? and neither wei wuxian nor lan wangji seem to have much interest in shaking up the order of things, except in little things like the way they teach the juniors. they live in gusu, under the auspices of the lan, and they live a happy, domestic life.

were his years on the street traumatizing? yes, of course they were, there’s so much delicious character exploration to be done re: wei wuxian’s relationship to food, his relationship to his own needs, and his relationship to the people he loves. it’s all important and good! but I feel very strongly that that experience, while it was formative for him, did not impart any true understanding of poverty and the common person’s everyday struggles, nor do I think he ever really gains that understanding. he is observant and canny and aware of class and blood, certainly, but not in a way that makes it his primary hill to die on (badum-tss).

this is in very stark contrast to characters like jin guangyao and xue yang, and to some extent, xiao xingchen and song lan. I’ll start with the daozhangs, because I think they’re the simplest (??).

I think both xiao xingchen and song lan have class consciousness, but in a very simplified, broad-strokes kind of way (at least, given the information we know about them). we know that the two of them share similar values and want to one day form their own sect that gives no weight to the nobility of your lineage and has no concern with your wealth. we also know that they both disdain intersect politics and are more concerned with ideals and principles rather than status. but, I think because of that, this actually somewhat limits their perception and understanding of how status is used to oppress. as far as we know, neither of them participated on any side in sunshot and they demonstrate much more interest in relating to the commoners. honestly, i hc that they were flitting around trying to help decimated towns, protecting defenseless villages etc. I ALSO think this has a lot of interesting potential in terms of xiao xingchen and wei wuxian’s relationship, if xiao xingchen is ever revived. regardless of whether you’re in CQL or novel verse, xiao xingchen really doesn’t know wei wuxian at all, other than knowing that he’s his shijie’s son. he knows that cangse-sanren met with a tragic end, like yanling-daoren before her, and that he wants to be different. but here is cangse-sanren’s son, laying waste to entire cities, desecrating the dead. I would very much like to get into xiao xingchen’s head during that period of time (and i think, if i do it right, i can write some of it into the songxiao fixit), but that’s neither here nor there, because i’ve wandered off from my point again.

i would posit that song lan is used to an ascetic lifestyle, and xiao xingchen probably is too -- but that’s different from poverty because there’s an element of choice to it. I also think that neither of them is particularly worldly, xiao xingchen especially. he lived on an isolated mountain until he was like, seventeen, and he came down full of ideals and naivete about how the world worked. I think that both of them see inequality, that they are angered by it, and that they want to do something about it -- but their solution is neither to topple the sects, nor is it to reform the system. rather, it seems to be more about withdrawing and creating their own removed world. I think that the daozhangs embody a kind of utopianism that isn’t present in the minds of any of the other characters, not even wangxian. honestly, baoshan-sanren’s mountain is a utopian ideal, but one that is not described. it exists outside of and beyond the world. i have a lot of jumbled, vague thoughts about utopianism generally, mostly informed by china miéville and ursula k. le guin, and I don’t think i have the ability to articulate them here, but i wanted to. hm. say something? there is something about the inherent dystopianism contained within every utopia, that utopias are necessary, but also reflections of the existence of terrible things in their conception. idk. there’s something in there, I know it!! but i suppose what I want to say is -- i do not think the daozhangs understand class and social hierarchy very deeply because they don’t see a need to examine it deeply. for their goals, the details aren’t the point. they’re not looking to reform within the system, they’re looking to build something outside of it. I think they spend a lot of time concerned with alleviating the symptoms of social oppression, and their values reflect the injustices they witness there.

regardless, even if their story ends in tragedy and there is a certain amount of critique re: the utopian approach, i think the text still emphasizes that xiao xingchen left a utopia and that he thought that people mattered enough for him to try, and that was an incredibly honorable, kind, and human thing to do.

YEAH SURE THE DAOZHANGS ARE THE SIMPLEST ok ok RETURNING to class and moving forward: xue yang.

i also don’t think xue yang has class consciousness lol, or not in any way that really matters, but I do think poverty impacted him in a much stronger way than it impacted wei wuxian. wei wuxian spent some years on the street as a child. xue yang grew up on the streets. chang ci’an’s horrific treatment of him was directly due to his class and social standing: chang ci’an is a nobleman and xue yang is not even worth the dirt beneath the wheels of his cart. what I think is the seminal point though, is that this does not make xue yang think particularly deeply about systemic injustice, because xue yang is so self-centered, self-driven, and individualistic. he is not even slightly concerned about how poverty and class might affect other people -- they’re other people. what he takes away from his experience is not an anger at being wrongfully cheated by a system, but an anger at being wrongfully cheated by a specific man.

xue yang is not particularly concerned with the politics of the aristocracy -- he has no obvious ambitions other than, “i want to eat sweets whenever i please”, “i want to hurt anyone who wrongs me”, and “i want to be so strong that no one can hurt me”. like, he just doesn’t care -- it’s not the kind of power he wants. he sneers at people for like, personal reasons, not class reasons -- “you think you’re better than me” re: xiao xingchen and song lan. to him, all people -- poor, wealthy, noble, common -- are essentially equal, and they are all beneath him. after all, what does he care what family someone comes from, how much money they have? everyone bleeds when you cut them. some of them might be harder to get to than others, but xue yang does not fear that sort of thing. it’s just another obstacle he needs to vault on his way to getting revenge and/or a pastry.

ANYWAYS onto jin guangyao (wow this is hm. getting rather long ahaha oh dear): I would argue that the two characters with the most acute understanding of class/societal politics and the injustice of them are jin guangyao and lan xichen. i’ll start with jin guangyao for obvious reasons.

where xue yang took the damaging effects of poverty as personal slights, I think jin guangyao is painfully aware that there is nothing personal about them, which is, in some ways, much worse. why are two sons, born on the same day to the same father, treated so differently? just because.

he watched his mother struggle and starve and work herself to the bone in a profession where she was constantly disrespected and abused for almost nothing in return, while his father could have lifted her out of poverty with the wave of a finger. why didn’t he? because he didn’t like her? no -- because he didn’t care, and the structures of the society they live in protect that kind of blase treatment of the lower class.

“so my mother couldn’t choose her own fate, is that her fault?” jin guangyao demands. he knows that he is unbelievably talented, that he has ambition, that he has potential, and that all of it is beyond his grasp just because his father didn’t want to bother with it. his mother’s life was destroyed, and his own opportunities were crippled with that negligence. it isn’t personal. that’s just the way things are. your individual identity is meaningless, your humanity does not exist. when he’s kicked down the steps of jinlin tai, it’s just more confirmation that no matter how talented or hardworking he is, no one will give him the time of day unless he finds a way to take it himself and become someone who “matters”.

jin guangyao’s cultivation is weak because he had a poor foundation, and he had a poor foundation because he was denied access to a good one. he copies others because that’s all he can do at this point, and he copies so well that he can hold his own against some of the strongest cultivators of his generation. he’s disparaged for copying and “stealing” techniques, but -- he never would have had to if only he had been born/accepted into the upper class. the fact is that i really do think jin guangyao was the most promising cultivator of his generation that we meet, including the twin jades and wei wuxian: he had natural talent, ambition, creativity, determination and cunning in spades. in some ways, I think that’s one of the overlooked tragedies of jin guangyao: the loss of not just the good man he could have been, but the powerful one too. imagine what he could have done.

jin guangyao spends his entire time in the world of the aristocracy feeling unsteady and terrified because he knows exactly how precarious his position is. he knows how easy it is to lose power, especially for someone like him. he’s working against so many disadvantages, and every scrap of honor he gets is a vicious battle. jin guangyao fears, and I think that’s something that’s lacking in xue yang, wei wuxian and the daozhangs’ experiences/understandings of poverty. i think it’s precisely that fear that emphasizes jin guangyao’s understanding of class and blood. jin guangyao exhibits an anxiety that neither wei wuxian nor xue yang do, and it’s because he truly knows how little he is worth in the eyes of society and how little there is he can do to change that. to me, it very much feels related to the anxiety of not knowing if tomorrow you’ll have something to eat, if tomorrow you’ll still have a home, if tomorrow someone will destroy you and never have to answer for it. it’s the anxiety of knowing helplessness intimately.

moreover, jin guangyao is the only person shown to use the wealth and power at his disposal to take concrete steps to actually help the common people typically ignored by the powerful -- the watchtowers. they’re described in chapter 42. it’s a system that is designed to cover remote areas that most cultivators are reluctant to go due to their inconvenience and the lack of means of the people who live there. the watchtowers assign cultivators to different posts, give aid to those previously forgotten, and if the people are too poor to pay what the cultivators demand, the lanling jin sect pays for it. jin guangyao worked on this for five years and burned a lot of bridges over it. people were strongly opposed to it, thinking that it was some kind of ploy for lanling jin’s personal benefit. but the thing is -- it worked. they were effective. people were helped.

i believe CQL frames the watchtowers as an allegory for a surveillance state/centralized control (i think?? it’s been a minute -- that’s the hazy impression i remember, something like a parallel to the wen supervisory offices?), but I personally don’t think that was the intent in the novel. the watchtowers are a public good. lanling jin doesn’t staff them with their own sect members -- they get nearby sects to staff them. it’s a warning network that they fund that’s supposed to benefit everyone, even those that everyone had considered expendable.

(did jin guangyao do terrible things to achieve this goal? yeah lol. it’s not confirmed, but his son sure did die... suspiciously...... at the hands of an outspoken critic of the watchtowers........ whom he then executed....... so like, maybe just a convenient coincidence for jin guangyao, two birds one stone, but. it seems. Unlikely.)

lan xichen is the only member of the gentry that ever shows serious compassion for and nuanced understanding of jin guangyao’s circumstances. lan xichen treats him as his equal regardless of jin guangyao’s current status -- even when he was meng yao, lan xichen treated him as a human being worthy of respect, as someone with great merits, as someone he would choose as a friend, but he did so knowing full well the delicate position meng yao occupied. this is in direct contrast to nie mingjue, who also believed that meng yao was worthy of respect as a human being, but was completely unable to comprehend the complexities of his circumstances and unwilling to grant him any grace. you know, the difference between “i acknowledge that your birth and status have had effects upon you, but I don’t think less of you for it” and “i don’t consider your birth and status at all when i interact with you because i think it is irrelevant” (“i don’t see color” anyone?)

to illustrate, from chapter 48:

大抵是觉得娼妓之子身上说不定也带着什么不干净的东西，这几名修士接过他双手奉上来的茶盏后，并不饮下，而是放到一边，还取出雪白的手巾，很难受似的，有意无意反复擦拭刚才碰过茶盏的手指。聂明玦并非细致之人，未曾注意到这种细节，魏无羡却用眼角余光扫到了这些。孟瑶视若未见，笑容不坠半分，继续奉茶。蓝曦臣接过茶盏之时，抬眸看他一眼，微笑道：“多谢。”

旋即低头饮了一口，这才继续与聂明玦交谈。旁的修士见了，有些不自在起来。

rough tl:

Probably because they believed that the son of a prostitute might also carry some unclean things upon his person, after these few cultivators took the teacups offered from [Meng Yao’s] two hands, they did not drink, but instead put them to one side, and furthermore brought out snow white handkerchiefs. Quite uncomfortably, and whether they were aware of it or not, they repeatedly wiped the fingers they had just used to touch the teacups. Nie Mingjue was not a detail-oriented person and never took note of such particulars, but Wei Wuxian caught these in the corner of his eye. Meng Yao appeared as if he had not seen, his smile unwavering in the slightest, and continued to serve tea. When Lan Xichen took the teacup, he glanced up at him and, smiling, said, “Thank you.”

He immediately dipped his head to take a sip, and only then continued to converse with Nie Mingjue. Seeing this, the nearby cultivators began to feel somewhat uneasy.

all right, since we’re in full cyan-rampaging-through-the-weeds mode at this point, i’m going to talk about how this is one of my favorite 3zun moments in the entire novel for characterization purposes because it really highlights how they all relate to one another, and to what degree each of them is aware of their own position in relation to the others and society as a whole.

1. nie mingjue, who is a forthright and blunt person, sets meng yao to serving tea and is done with it. he notices nothing wrong or inappropriate about the reactions of the people in the room because it’s not the sort of thing he considers important.

2. meng yao, knowing that his only avenue is to take it lying down with a smile, masks perfectly.

3. lan xichen, noticing all this, uses his own reputation to achieve two things at once: pointedly shame the other cultivators in attendance, and show meng yao that regardless of others’ opinions, he considers him an equal and does not endorse such behavior--and he does it while taking care that no fallout will come down on meng yao’s head.

is this yet another installment of cyan’s endless lxc defense thesis? why yes it is! no one is surprised! but this is my whole point: both meng yao and lan xichen understand the respective hierarchy and power dynamics within the room, while nie mingjue very much does not. this is not because nie mingjue is a bad person or because nie mingjue is stupid--it’s a combination of personality and upbringing. nie mingjue is straightforward and has no patience for such games. but then again, he can afford not to play because he was born into such a high position: that’s a privilege.

to break it down: meng yao knows that he is the lowest-ranked person in the room, sees the way people are subtly disrespecting him in full view of his general who is doing nothing about it. in some ways, this is good -- nie mingjue’s style of dealing with conflict is very direct and not at all suited to delicate political maneuvering. after all, the way he promoted meng yao was actually quite dangerous to meng yao: he essentially guaranteed that his men would bear meng yao a grudge and that their disrespect for him would only be compounded by their bitterness at being punished on his behalf. (it’s like, why often getting parents or teachers to intervene ineffectively in bullying can just be an incitement to more bullying -- same concept) meng yao’s reaction during that scene shows that he’s pretty painfully aware of this and is trying to defuse the situation to no avail. nie mingjue gives him a bootstrap speech (rip nie mingjue i love u so much but. sir) and then promotes him, which is pretty much the only saving grace of that entire exchange, for meng yao at least.

lan xichen, on the other hand, understands both that meng yao is the lowest-ranked person in the room and that any direct attempt to chastise the other cultivators in the room will only serve to hurt meng yao in the long run. he knows that if this were brought to nie mingjue’s attention, he would be outraged and not shy about it -- also bad for meng yao. so he uses what he has: his immaculate reputation. by acting contrary to the other cultivators’ behavior, he demonstrates that he finds their actions unacceptable but with the plausible deniability that it wasn’t directed at them, that this is just zewu-jun being his usual generous self. this means that the other cultivators have no one to blame but themselves, nothing to do but question their own actions. there is nowhere to cast off their discomfort. meng yao didn’t do anything. lan xichen didn’t do anything -- he just thanked meng yao and drank his tea, isn’t that what it’s there for? he doesn’t disrupt the peace, he doesn’t attack anyone and put them on the defensive, but he does make his position very clear.

i know this is a really small thing and i’m probably beating it to death, but I really think this shows just how cognizant lan xichen is of politics and emotional cause and effect in such situations. certainly, out of context I think the scene reads kind of cliche, but within the greater narrative of the story and within the arc of these characters specifically, I think it was a really smart scene to include. it also showcases lan xichen’s style of action: that he moves around and with a problematic situation as opposed to moving straight through.

not to be salty on main again, but this is why it’s very frustrating to me when I see people call lan xichen passive when he is anything but. his actions just don’t look like traditional “actions”, especially to an american audience. it’s easy to understand lan wangji and wei wuxian’s style of problem-solving: taking a stand, moving through, staying strong. lan xichen is juggling an inconceivable number of factors in any given situation, weighing his responsibilities in one role against those in another, and then trying to find the path through the thicket that will cause the least harm, both to himself and the thicket. lan wangji and wei wuxian are not particularly good at considering the far-reaching consequences of their actions -- again, not because they are bad people, but because of a combination of personality and upbringing. they’d just hack through the thicket, not thinking about the creatures that live in it. that is not a terrible thing! it isn’t. it’s a different way of approaching a problem, and it has different priorities. that’s okay. there are advantages and disadvantages on both sides, and where you come down is going to depend on your personal values.

okay we’ve spiraled far and away from my original point, but let’s circle back: i was talking about class.

I think it’s undeniable that class, birthright, fate etc. are some of the driving forces of thematic conflict in mdzs, and the way each character interacts with those forces reveals a lot about themselves and also about the larger themes of fate, chance, and what it means to be righteous and good and how that is and isn’t rewarded. a lot of the tragedy of mdzs (the tragedy that isn’t caused by direct aggression on the part of one group or another) stems from the injustices and slights that people suffered due to their lot in life. it isn’t fair. none of it is fair! we sympathize with jin guangyao because we recognize that what he suffered was unconscionable, even if we don’t excuse him. i sympathize A Lot with xue yang as well for similar reasons, though I understand that’s a harder sell. this is a story focused on the mistakes of an entrenched, aging gentry and the effects that those mistakes had on their children, and a lot of it has to do with prejudice based in class and birth status. whether the prejudice was the true reason or whether it was just a convenient excuse, the fact remains that the systems in place rewarded and protected the people in power who used it to cling to that power. mdzs is also a story of how the circumstances of one’s life can offer you impossible choices that you cannot abstain from, and it asks us to be compassionate to the people who made terrible choices in terrible times. it’s about the inherent complexity in all things! that sometimes, there are no good choices, and i don’t know, i’d like to think that people would show me compassion if I had to make the choices some of these characters did. not just wei wuxian, mind you, every single one of them. except jin guangshan because I Do Hate Him sorry. and i guess wen ruohan. i think that’s it.

good. GOD this is clocking in at //checks notes -- just over 5k. 8′D *stuffs some weeds into my mouth like the clown i am*

(ko-fi? :’D *lies down*)

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mrwinterr · 4 years ago

Text

Over & Over

Pairing: Pornstar!Bucky Barnes AU x Pornstar!Female Reader

Summary: You’re an up-and-coming adult film star secretly eager to work with the popular Bucky Barnes, and with just the right connections, your paths cross much sooner than later.

Warnings: Adult themes. Smut 18+ (unprotected sex, vaginal penetration and instructional fingering, oral [male & female receiving], size kink, spit & cum play, a smudge of male dominance), dirty talk and language.

Disclaimer: I don’t know how the porn industry works; this was just written for fun.

Title Inspiration: “Over & Over” by Smallpools

A/N: After doping up on strong painkillers wasn’t enough, I thought releasing endorphins would help ease my headache, so once again watching porn inspired another fic. Idk. I’m a mess. Enjoy!

Slipping on your oversized sunglasses, you walk along the rectangular outline of the hotel’s lavish pool, to one of the vacant lounge chairs next to the redheaded goddess, whose wings you were taken under and could gratefully call a close friend. You hadn’t known a single soul when you packed up and moved west to Los Angeles at 18, but you knew you were destined for more than what your humdrum life back at home could offer.

The porn industry wasn’t your first choice at a career in entertainment, but the starving profession wasn’t paying the bills fast enough. You weren’t going to survive in L.A. another year juggling to pay for tuition and stay enrolled in acting school from the income of working menial jobs and booking small gigs. However, one minor role as an extra in a one-night stand sex scene of a TV show, you catch the eye of the multitalented adult film actress Natasha Romanoff.

It was pure coincidence she was also casted, playing a bigger role, of the same episode, but she saw more in you in your less than 15 seconds of fame than most casting agents did before offering you a chance to shadow her. You knew she looked familiar and you were no stranger to watching porn, but when you’re as down on your luck as you were, you went all in and soon enough countless scenes now under your belt within a year, you’re porn’s best female newcomer.

“There’s this year’s Best New Starlet!” Natasha proclaims loudly for almost everyone around to hear.

Lucky for you, the shades conceal the roll of your eyes at her comment as you kick off your flip-flops and remove the thin cover up to reveal your skimpy bikini. You dare look over at her in time to catch her mocking reaction, jaw dropped from your attitude.

“After all I’ve done for you,” she says, placing a hand to her heart, feigning hurt.

The pair of you laugh at your nonsense and after she helps you with applying the appropriate amount of sun care protection, you recline in your seats and attempt to soak up some sun. It was a much-needed break with the long stressful week of the award show now behind everyone. Your hard work had paid off and after all you did learn from the best.

Your predecessor before you, Natasha was also a former Best New Starlet, and now is a household name in pornography. She didn’t welcome a lot of people into her inner circle, but she had plans to one day direct and knew she had to find the next big thing before anyone else to take her place.

“Hello, ladies,” comes from the voice of this year’s Director of the Year and other close friend Wanda Maximoff.

“Hey Wanda,” you greet her by sitting up to give her a proper hug.

You met her through her twin brother, Pietro, who happened to be your first co-star and was very welcoming and caring to you. The twins took care of you during your first few months starting out. Much like Natasha did for you, you help her administer the same amount of sunscreen on her body.

“Congrats on your achievement,” she says wholeheartedly, looking over her shoulder at you as you finish up on her back, and even under the heat of the sun, she could still see the blush creep up on your face.

“She’s a natural, isn’t she?” Natasha comments casually, to which Wanda nods enthusiastically, only speeding up the process of the rose tints on your cheeks to spread all over your face. They were your biggest fans and supporters; you were so happy you could make them proud.

“I owe it all to the queen herself,” you say, downplaying your achievement and turning the attention to your mentor in Natasha. She scoffs at that and teases you about just taking the damn compliment. You put in the work; it was all you.

“Seriously, you deserved it,” Wanda says honestly, and you finally accept the praise.

“So, what’s next for miss Director of the Year?” Natasha asks leaning on a propped elbow, body facing towards you and Wanda.

“Well, I managed to finally book Bucky Barnes in an upcoming project…” she starts out, but the moment you heard his name slip from her lips, the rest almost didn’t matter.

Bucky Barnes was somewhat of a legend. There wasn’t a model or director that didn’t want to work with him. The man was downright gifted in every aspect and his work speaks for itself. Before you broke onto the scene, you’d gotten off to his videos, and only dreamed of one day starring in a scene with him, but you were still new to this world.

As a promising star, you had a long way to go and tons of plots, positions and people to still experience, so landing a role with someone like Bucky Barnes wasn’t entirely written in your plans any time soon. Then again, your first girl-on-girl scene was with your mentor herself, so anything could happen, right?

“I just haven’t found my girl yet,” was the next thing you pick up Wanda say the moment your head comes back from the clouds, “...I have all this momentum now that I want this to blow everyone away, especially Stark.”

Tony Stark was her rival. It was a friendly competition amongst friends. You hadn’t gotten the chance to work for him yet. He was a playful character and had directed some of the best adult films out there, Wanda just happened to be the better of the two this year…

“Sorry, I’m retired,” Natasha reminds her and repositions herself on her back.

“Fuck you,” Wanda says playfully to which Natasha responds with a finger in the air before she clarifies, “I was hinting at this year’s Best New Starlet…” and slyly looking in your directly.

“Me?” You ask incredulously. Your head can’t even start processing that you’re finally getting the opportunity to work with Bucky.

Wanda rolls her eyes at your obliviousness, “no, last year’s Best New Starlet. Hell no! Of course, you!” You respond in the same manner as your mentor, who is more than amused at you also following her lead, and flip Wanda off. Wanda snatches your hand to bring it away from her face, “I’m serious!”

“I-I don’t know, Wan,” a part of you is a little scared that you’re not going to be able to keep up with someone as established and with the star power as Bucky, “...like you said, you have all this momentum behind you. I don’t want to fuck this scene up because I don’t have a lot of experience.”

“Are you fucking kidding?” Natasha pipes up on the other side of you. “This is the perfect role for you!” She sees the questionable look on your face and sighs before explaining. “You’re a fresh face and rising star! People are lining up to book you, Stark included.”

“Nat is right. You’re a hot commodity now! I need someone who is a little inexperienced to mix with someone that is,” Wanda further explains her premise, “let him take the lead, but at your pace. I need it to be raw and passionate. People love that shit!” They were right, he had all the experience, and you were a fresh loveable face. It was the perfect combination.

You remain quiet for several seconds before Natasha rats you out, “and don’t even try to act like you don’t want to work with Barnes. This is your fantasy come to life.” Way to throw you under the bus like that…

There’s no denying your goal to work with him. He’d been in this business much longer than you had, you didn’t think your paths would ever cross on a set, but the opportunity couldn’t have presented itself in a more perfect point in your career.

The room is very pristine. White walls with a king size bed, also adorned in white sheets, fluffy pillows scattered at the top, minimal furniture around to make it look realistic, and the lighting was just right. Wanda had received a hefty budget after her recognition that’s for sure.

“Alright, girly, let’s get you on the bed!” Wanda happily directs.

You nod silently, remove your footwear and plop down on the center of the large mattress. You decide to leave your legs sprawled on one side of your body, settling on a bashful position. It’s not hard for you because although you agreed to do this and have done several scenes, internally, you’re freaking the fuck out. Unbeknownst to you, it’s all part of your charm; the innocence you somehow still radiated was an all too endearing quality and actually sexy.

Even your attire was pretty modest, opting for a more casual look with black leggings and a tight long sleeve that accentuates your figure and shows off the right amount of cleavage. It was something that you could easily wear out in public, which again was a part of your brand in being as natural as possible, but come the right circumstances, when it was time to roll you could turn on the right switch.

“We’ll start off like a typical casting interview before we bring Bucky in and then we’ll go from there. Sounds good?” She runs down the plan with you, fixing a few strands of flyaway hairs on your head before back away from the bed. With a thumbs up and a smile from you, she starts recording.

“Welcome, Best New Starlet of the Year!” Wanda greets from behind the camera.

“Hi,” you politely reply with your signature sweet smile and a wave to the screen.

These scenes start off with a small interview recounting your tale into the porn industry leading up to your recent achievement and even delving a bit into your personal life before the topic changes to your co-star.

“So, how excited are you to work with Bucky today?”

No matter how hard you practiced at keeping a straight poker face, that was something you were unable to master from Natasha, and the blush couldn’t be contained.

Fidgeting at the hem of your top, you open and close your mouth, trying to find the right words. You’re overly flustered at the thought of Bucky and he wasn’t even in front of you yet. You don’t want to sound like a fool and ruin the atmosphere. Wanda mouths words of advice from where she sat in the director’s chair, “be honest.”

“Um, I’m...nervous,” you say truthfully.

“Nervous?” She questions, urging you to elaborate.

“Yeah, he’s Bucky Barnes! He’s hot and he’s got so much experience. I’m kind of scared I’ll be boring,” you finish explaining and hope to God that Natasha doesn’t kill you afterwards, or with that answer let Wanda down, but the smile on her face sends you a wave of assurance.

Maybe you could do this...

Earlier that day, Bucky had already recorded his little opening scene. Wanda had called him to report on set before you were scheduled to arrive.

On the contrary, Bucky was also a tab bit anxious to work with you. He’d seen some of your work and more so heard about your talent from his own best friend, Steve Rogers.

He didn’t deny it, he was very much attracted to you and he wanted a chance to work with you too. Bucky wasn’t a jealous person, which made working in the porn industry easy for him, but when he had to hear Steve recount his scenes with you, he couldn’t help but want to sock his own childhood friend. He didn’t of course, but the rage was evident and his other friend, Sam Wilson, took some sick pleasure in teasing him over it. In fact, the eccentric personality of the trio of friends, decided to tag along with Bucky to introduce himself to you and get under his skin a little more.

“What’s going on in that nasty head of yours?” Sam poked at Bucky as they made their way over to Wanda, who was by the camera setup going over a script with another stagehand. When Bucky doesn’t respond, it provokes Sam even more, “no way, you’re nervous!”

Bucky sighs fed up with dealing with the anxiety brewing ever since he found out he was going to star in this film with you. “Shut the fuck up, will you? Of course, I’m nervous,” he says, trying to remain calm.

“Dude, you’ve slept with some of the hottest people in the world and millions of people have seen you naked. Why is one girl any different?” Sam wonders.

“I don’t know, ok. She just seems so down-to-earth and normal?” Bucky attempts to explain. You were real. His work was just that, it was a work, and he was afraid that it would be different with you. He could say he was almost intimidated by you.

“Yeah, as if I don’t have to hear that enough from Rogers…” Sam chimed in. Steve had nothing but high praise for your performance. In fact, his testimony helped expose you a little further. He was an honorable performer and a respected one, so they took his word on you. “Maybe, I’ll be her next co-star,” and just like that Sam ruined a moment.

“God, I hate you,” was the last thing exchanged between the two friends as they finally reached Wanda. She warned Sam to behave and gave Bucky a quick rundown before instructing him to hop on the bed.

Bucky’s interview starts a little differently than yours. Having already been a more established performer than yourself, no one needed his background story. The only thing Wanda wanted out of him was his plans and opinion on you.

“Well, I don’t know too much about her, personally speaking...but everyone seems to love her,” Bucky’s answer was a bit bland for Wanda.

“She’s a great person to work with,” she comments and that’s a tactic most directors used to get talent to keep talking.

“That’s what Steve keeps saying,” he says with somewhat of an awkward light laugh. He could see Sam facepalming next to Wanda at that lame answer.

“Yeah, you don’t win best female newcomer for nothing,” Wanda points out. If anyone was the lucky one here, it was Bucky. He was climbing up in age and you were the next big thing. You were the real star of this film not Bucky. She was counting more on you to deliver than him.

“That’s right. She’s a very talented performer,” Bucky says, and this small comment opens up a can of worms for Wanda to build up on.

“Oh, so you’ve seen some of her work?” Bam! He was caught.

Bucky’s mouth starts twitching slightly and Wanda and Sam are smirking from their spots as they watch the gears in Bucky’s mind start turning faster trying to think of something. The only piece of advice Wanda gives is “be honest.”

He sighs, the jig was up. Smooth Bucky Barnes was caught red-handed, “yeah, I’ve watched some scenes. I’ve seen her in person a few times too…”

“Wait,” Wanda interrupts him abruptly. She knew you were attracted to Bucky, but never knew of any encounters between you two, “when did you meet her?”

“I haven’t,” Bucky starts, which causes a look of mass confusion on Wanda’s face before he follows up, “formally. I haven’t met her formally, but I’ve seen her at a few parties and at the award show...I was just nervous to walk up to her,” the words just kept flowing out of his mouth and he inwardly cringed at how awkward he might’ve sounded.

Sam was amused by his embarrassment, but Wanda was pleased with this result. Bucky was good at what he did and that included him trying to play it cool, which he did well on screen, sometimes.

“You know she was actually thrilled to find out she would be working with you,” Wanda said, stretching the truth. The truth was, you hadn’t verbally confessed that, at least not yet.

“Really?” Bucky asks all too hopeful, his mood noticeably perking up.

“Yup! Ever since she won Best New Starlet of the Year, people have been lining up to book her, but she chose this project. You were the deal breaker, Barnes,” she fabricated and hoped this all worked out for you two in the end.

“Wow, who would’ve thought this has-been still had it in him?” He jokes at himself. His humility would get the best of him in every situation.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself! You didn’t win Best Male Performer of the Year again for nothing!” Wanda says and then steers the interview to a close.

After wrapping up Bucky’s scene, he’s allowed to stay in another room with a monitor. At first, he thinks it’s to help him prep for the scene, but to his surprise it’s a live feed of your interview and he starts clinging onto your every word. Enthralled by your journey, work ethic and he gets flustered all over again hearing you talk about your equal eagerness to work with him.

“You know, if anyone is the lucky one in this situation, it’s Barnes,” Wanda reminds as your interview comes to an end.

“Right,” you sarcastically remark.

“Are you ready for us to bring Bucky in?” She asks.

“It’s now or never,” you reply.

You watch the doorknob twist and the door open to slowly reveal Bucky. Where do you even start with him? He just looked like the total package. His gaze immediately on yours. As he makes his way towards the bed you’re still sitting on, when his knee comes in contact to the edge, you maneuver your body in his direction, sit up on your knees to meet him halfway and welcome him in a hug.

“Hi, it’s nice to finally meet you,” he says when you pull apart. The both of you don’t break away completely. Your arms are still wrapped around his neck, his hands placed just above your waist, you can feel his fingers that slipped under the fabric rub your skin.

“It’s nice to meet you,” you respond, giving him a genuine smile and can’t help but stare at his pretty face. You had to remind yourself he’s just another guy, except he wasn’t. You didn’t know how he felt, but you wanted this, wanted him. You also don’t know if you’ll ever work him again after today, so he was going to get the real you.

A small, subtle clearing of someone’s throat shatters the staring contest between you and Bucky causing you both to sheepishly break away from the other, not realizing you’d both allowed dreaded dead airtime to pass by. You scoot over to make room for him next to you on the bed. After he pulls his footwear off, he sits cross legged in front of you, you have one leg tucked in and the other extended in front.

Bucky’s not entirely oblivious. He not only witnessed you backstage reveal you were actually nervous to work with him, he could feel it, so at an attempt to help ease both your nerves, he places a hand on your shin and absentmindedly run his hand up and down the fabric, fingers sometimes stopping to mess with the cuff of your leggings and at the skin of your ankle, while he listened to you speak.

He congratulated you on your achievement as you did with him, both a blushing mess before diving into different topics like traveling and other interests.

Wanda stood proudly behind the camera watching the scene unfold. Everything was so candid and real between you and Bucky, the chemistry was clearly evident, she didn’t foresee there would be much directing on her part today, which was going to make her job easy.

“Wanda said you were excited to work with me,” Bucky teases, wanting to see if what you said was just for the cameras or if it was really true, but also, he found out he liked to see you get all hot and bothered in more than one way.

Your jaw drops and you look directly into the camera, breaking the fourth wall, calling out to Wanda. You playfully chastise and curse at her for revealing your secret. She tells you it was going to come out anyways, and while that was true, you’d hoped it was later and much after you’ve slept with him, hoping it doesn’t ruin the shoot, but Bucky assures you that it’s actually a flattering to hear or in his words, “assuring” for someone like him.

“Are you kidding?” You say, lightly shoving him back, “you’re like a legend! Of course, I was excited! I’m surprised you agreed to work with a rookie like me!” Now that the cat was out of the bag, you might as well own up to your secret.

“Everyone wants to work with you,” he makes clear, leaning in closer. Fuck, he didn’t even need to initiate foreplay because with the way he was looking at you right now, you could come swear you’d come undone for him in an instant.

“Oh really?” You challenge, your body gravitating like a magnet towards his.

“Yup, Steve wouldn’t shut up about you and even Sam said he can’t wait to someday work with you,” he said, voice slowly dropping in decibels and his hands sliding up your thighs.

“Did he?” You ask, but you don’t really care about Sam as your eyes look dead into Bucky’s blue ones, swirling into a darker shade full of deep want and desire.

“Yeah, but let’s see if he still wants to try to outdo me after I’m done with you,” he whispers, finally closing the gap between your lips in a sweet kiss. It was about as sweet as it could last because after just one taste of your lips, he was a starved man, hungry for more. You tried your best to match his pace and the kiss turned sloppy very quick.

You moaned at the pressure of his lips pressed roughly against yours, and you do your best to keep up, but you’re already finding yourself short of breath. However, the more you try to pull back to regain some oxygen, the more he’s unwilling to part as he grasps your face in both hands to keep you still, so you lightly squeeze at his biceps as a warning in hope he gets the message.

Lucky for you, he does and lets up. He’s also noticeably breathless, his warm breath fanning against your kiss-swollen lips, his forehead resting against yours. Bucky’s hands are still on your face.

“Sorry,” he apologizes, and you let out a small chuckle at the sincerity. He was cute.

You take his hands in yours and bring them back down to begin undressing him starting by helping him slip his shirt over his head, the fashionable dog tags around his neck clank as it slaps against his toned chest, you let him keep them on though.

Bucky sits up on his knees as he watches you settle on your stomach, propped up by your elbows, hands getting ready to work on his lower half. He patiently watches as you unbuckle his belt, pop the button of his jeans off, and drag the zipper down.

With his pants hanging loose off his hips, you begin to plant soft kisses along his navel down the defined lines that lead to his cock. Each contact of your lips sends a ghostly tingle and the blood to rush even quicker down his lower region. The imprint of his endowed member doesn’t leave much to your imagination, you can already see the stain where the tip is through his tight boxer briefs. It gives you a little boost of confidence knowing you’d caused this and would get to take care of it.

You hook your fingers into the undergarment and tug them down his muscular thighs. His cock springs out, almost hitting you in the face causing you to jolt back a little and a smile to spread across Bucky’s.

Your clumsiness was also a part of your charm. It wasn’t on purpose, you were still learning after all, and that’s what made it so unique and fun to work with you. Your partners just felt a real, genuine connection, citing it felt less choreographed and of a porno with you.

A little embarrassed about that move, you’d watched what he can do with that cock, but nothing could’ve prepared you for it face-to-face. You don’t waste any time on getting your hands on him and wrap your fingers around his half-hard cock and start pumping him sensually.

He’s hot and soft in your hands before getting gradually heavy. The look in your eyes grows more predatory as you watch him grow and feel him getting harder with each pump causing more and more pre-cum to ooze out. You spread it all over the head of his cock with your thumb then daring to look up at him, hoping he was indeed enjoying your work, before you pucker your lips and kiss at the crown. Bucky curses when he sees your lips shining, coated in his pre-cum, with a string connecting you to his cock.

You gather the fluid up in your hand before spreading it all over his length, when it’s not enough you start not only pumping him faster, but also licking up and down, from the base to the tip, hoping to effectively slick him up. The way your tongue scrapes along over Bucky’s sensitive flesh stirs him up. Your other hand joins in to fondle with his neglected balls, massaging and pulling at them in the right moments, sometimes you travel a little south and take them in your mouth. It all but drives Bucky wild and it’s confirmed with each swear that leaves his mouth.

Bucky wants nothing more than to lodge himself deep in your throat, but he remembers he needs to go at your pace, and once you’re broken in a little more, you could follow his, so he’ll bide his time for now and watch you work.

When you’re ready to take him in, you regain his attention and he watches you slowly take in his inches down your mouth, stopping halfway before your wide-open mouth hollows out. Your full mouth immediately waters around him and it doesn’t take long before you’re a drooling mess all over his cock. You pull back torturously slow, looking back down watching his cock reappear and loving the way it disappears back in, and especially how it feels when it drags through your mouth, taking note of the veins and unique ridges.

“Don’t be like that, doll,” he says, wiping some of the hair away from your face, “come on and show me why they don’t stop talking about you,” he coaxes, now gathering some of your locks in his hand to completely give you both a clear view. He tries his best to not take the lead, but you don’t disappoint as your mouth works faster on him. The gagging and sucking, mixed with Bucky’s moans of pleasure soon become the soundtrack.

You’d gradually take him more and more in, close to deep throating him, and you’re just ready to let up, but he can’t help it and before your last round, he holds your head in place.

“Don’t quit now, baby,” he encourages you, placing his other hand on the back of your head, keeping you still and carefully starts to thrust his hips, urging you to take him all the way, “...that’s it, you can do it, you can take it,” he releases a big sigh feeling the tip of your nose bump his lower abdomen. The moisture builds up in the inner corner of your eyes and you do your best to mind your breathing and not choke.

“Fuck!” He can’t help but shout when he feels your throat contract around him. You just looked so divine, mouth full of his cock. He keeps you there for a few seconds, before releasing his hold, and you immediately pull back, drool dribbles down your chin, and you’re desperate for oxygen to return back into your system. He grabs your face by your chin forcing you to look up at him.

He uses his fingers to scoop up some of the mixed fluids of his arousal and your saliva at your chin before presenting it in front of you. You easily read his mind, look up at him with big, watery eyes, and take his coated digits in your abused mouth sucking the juices clean off him.

He growls and commends you, “...such a good girl.” When he slips his fingers out of your mouth, a small pop could faintly be heard, he gently yanks at your hair, craning your head back further, it’s almost painful but you don’t care, “do it again,” he demands.

You bite your lip and reposition yourself. Bucky settles in a more comfortable position on his back, completely rid of his pants and underwear, his legs spread open for you to lie between them. Before you get back to the job, you slip your tight top off, all-natural breasts spilling out and on display for him. His cock twitches at the sight and he lets his head fall back when he’s once more fully encased in the warm, wet cavern of your mouth.

When he finally starts begging you to let up, you pull back slowly pumping him and watch his every move, the rise of his chest as it heaves from the activity, the way he runs his hands over his face. He’s absolutely stunned by your performance so far.

“On your back,” he says, and you do as he commands, and forget who is supposed to really be in charge. He yanks your leggings and panties all the way down, chucking them behind him somewhere in the corner of the room.

“You’re so sexy,” he compliments, eyes taking in every inch of your naked body, hands getting their fill. His body dips, lips latching onto your breasts, kissing at the skin and sucking on each nipple before they make their way up the juncture of your neck and claim your lips again.

You feel his tongue run along your bottom lip, and they part to grant him full access. You barely notice how he takes a hold of one of your hands, he pulls his face away to bring the hand in his grasp up to your face, using your fingers to trace the outline of your lips. You see him inaudibly instruct you to open your mouth, you do as you’re told.

“That’s right get those fingers nice and wet,” he coaxes you to suck on your own digits until he deems you ready for the next move. When he finally does pull your fingers out from your mouth, he extends your arm, ghosting them just over your pussy.

“Play with that clit,” he tells you and you don’t need to be told twice. Your pussy was begging for any kind of attention. You let your wet fingers roll over the bundle of nerves, puffs of breath escape your body as you’re finally attending to your own needs.

Bucky sits back and watches you intently, fascinated by your every move. He instructs you to close your eyes and listen to his voice, instructing you to go slow at first, “does that feel good?” the only reply he gets is a fast nod, “yeah? Make yourself feel good...that’s it,” his words only encourage your fingers to soon work faster, “let me hear how good it feels,” he demands, and you moan and whine like the true pornstar you are, your circular motions speed up, the lewd noises egg him on and soon enough he wants a taste.

“Let me help you out,” and you feel the bed shift a bit, “spread those wet lips for me,” he requests. You use both hands to invite him into your wet, glistening hole. You pick your head up to see his face buried between your thighs, you watch just long enough until each broad lick up and down your pussy sends you close to the edge.

He no longer needs the support of your hands, and they find purchase in his dark, fluffy hair as he starts sucking on your clit and tonguing your folds. At first, you’re doing a good job keeping your legs apart to accommodate him, but it gets harder and harder for them to not clamp around his head, with every nudge the tip of his nose makes at your clit and it doesn’t help your case when he inserts a finger inside you. With a good curl, his finger scratches dangerously close to your sweet spot, causing your legs to start quivering.

The sudden hitch in your breathing catches his attention, and Bucky tests the waters more by digging in deeper and curling in further. He notices the increasing agitation and knows he’s found the trigger.

“Bucky,” you whine, hoping he doesn’t push you over just yet. You want to last longer, and so you reluctantly attempt to scoot back further away, but the sudden strong grip he has around your leg locks you in place. You pick your head back up and find Bucky’s eyes trained on you. You see the stoic look in his eyes laced with determination. Oh no, he wanted you to come now. You feel a hum from his full mouth, only pushing you further.

“Don’t hold back,” he says against your pussy, “let go,” and the gruff in his voice, vibrating against you, his thick digits still curled deep inside you, you can’t hold back the floodgates from bursting any longer.

He laps up your arousal as you desperately try to regain composure. He really pulled one out of you, proving he was as every bit good as he put out and you’re not even close to the end of this scene.

“Come here,” he says, getting back on his knees and pulling you up by your arms so you’re in an up-right sitting position once again, but with Bucky still towering over you, “open up.”

You comply and open your mouth wide, tongue out, not understanding his motive, and you’re met with full surprise when he spits in your mouth, a firm grip on your face, he holds you still.

“Don’t swallow,” he gravely warns. You feel and probably look stupid not knowing what he wants you to do with your mouth open wide and full of his spit mingling with your arousal, just trying to keep it all contained. Bucky was testing your patience and obedience and you passed every test so far. You were just the right amount of submissive, absolutely perfect.

You can feel his hard cock pressing up against your sensitive pussy, it slides up between your folds and the base rests on top of your mound. “Drool it out...on my cock,” he instructs. Oh. He guides your gaze down between your bodies, you purse your lips, and both watch as the liquid cascades down onto his erect member. He uses it to lube himself up before he pushes you down to lie flat on your back.

Bucky slowly but easily slips inside your wet channel but notices your slight struggle. He was big, and he gets it. The way your eyes are tightly shut, hands pulling at the sheets, you struggle to breath and your walls cruelly grip him tight. Normally, he’d just pound away until his partner got used to him, but he didn’t want to do that with you. He wanted you to enjoy feeling him.

He tries to help you relax by rubbing your thighs a little with soothing motions, when they fall limp on either side, he leans down, you feel the cool metal of his dog tags against your heated skin, his weight sort of comforting on yours, and arms entrapping your head. He lovingly calls out your name, and your eyes flutter open, your attention refocusing on him.

“We’ll go at your pace, alright?” he assures you. You curse yourself for allowing your heart to swell at his concern, but you nod giving him permission to move slowly. Your whimpers soon transition into pleasurable moans, the more your body begins to adjust to his.

“Damn, you’re so tight. You’ve never been stretched out like this by anyone before have you?” he dares ask, once he sees it’s a safe playing field once more, his hips moving slow, his cock sliding in and out of you. You attempt at a laugh between your ragged breathing and the intense sensation coursing through you.

“No,” you respond and kiss at his chin, the light stubble pricking your soft lips, “you’re so big.” You feel his cock twitch inside and you want to curse yourself again at the comment that unintentionally riles him up because he was nestled close to your spot again. Fuck, he could reach just the right depth in you.

“Fuck, Bucky,” you don’t want to go slow anymore. Fuck Wanda and this movie, you wanted all of Bucky now, “please fuck me,” you resort to begging. He inwardly growls and his hips start snapping forward, thrusts growing hard and uncalculated. You just lie there and allow him to use your pussy for his pleasure.

Bucky’s movements falter a bit in this position, so he steers both your bodies on their sides, still facing each other, he slings your leg high up over his hips, and resumes his task. His cock glides right back in your pussy and the new angle causes you to yelp and walls to clench around him.

“You feel so good,” his voice riddled with so much lust as he brings your body closer to his with a hand behind, full of your plushest asset. Your head rests on the bicep of his other arm that was underneath it.

Bucky’s expressive eyes ask you if you're close, and the more your walls continue to grip him, he starts begging for you to come with him. “I’m gonna cum,” he warns, giving up and letting you take the rest of the lead.

“Yeah?” you huff out, your fingers digging into the side of his hips, “you want to cum inside me?” You know he does; you can feel and see it written all over him, but you want to just poke at him like he had with you, “I want you to...I want all your cum inside me, Bucky,” and you wanted him to cum hard, deep inside, “fill my tight pussy up, please,” you plead.

With one more jab of his hips, your back arches and head is thrown back, you can’t help but let out a scream as your orgasm rips right through you like it’s never before. Bucky’s body on the other hand caves into yours, feeling almost paralyzed as your tight walls hold him in place and all he can do is bury his face into the sweaty skin of your neck.

His mouth hangs open, a plethora of profanities coming out of him, and he waits for his cock to finish spewing ropes of his hot, thick cum into you. Your walls can’t help but to involuntarily contract in small aftershocks, especially when he’s still coming.

Bucky continues to moan as he does as you hoped, he came hard and deep inside you. When you’ve both finally come down from the high, it’s silent, and even though you’d both long forgotten you were on a set with multiple people watching you two, they were also quiet, completely taken back by the performance.

Incoherent cries come out of each of you, when Bucky agonizingly pulls his cock out. For the most part you’re able to keep him inside, but he’d proven to come so much some of it seeps out and runs down in streak fashion along your thigh, staining the bed sheets.

In your last act, as your gazes meet each other again, your fingers dip inside your soaked cunt and coat them. Hypnotized by you, Bucky watches as you greedily suck off his essence from your digits, and you evoke a small hum in his favor at the taste bursting in your mouth.

Bucky bites at his bottom lip, trying to not lose it again. When your hand disappears, he tenderly wipes the matted hair away from your face, smoothing your hair back before pulling your body close again, swooping your lips for a deep kiss.

“Shit, you’re good,” he admits, when he pulls away, effectively breaking the blissful silence. You bust out in a fit of giggles beside him and it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen. He’s not sure what he’s feeling, but it’s not something you’re supposed to feel towards your co-star, especially in the porn industry.

He smiles at you, basking in your afterglow and all he knows is that he wants to feel this high with you over and over, so he decides to risk it all, “I hope this doesn’t ruin the moment, but can I take you out some time?”

You try your best to read him, wondering if he was just still in the heat of the moment. Either he’s really good or he’s being sincere, you can’t tell and you’re hoping you’re not overthinking it, but his eyes, this whole time, were what gave him away. He performed with them and he definitely spoke through them.

Before you could accept and give him a definite answer, you’re both brought back to reality, “we’re still rolling here!” Wanda reminds.

A/N: Thank the pain meds for this. I think I effectively used up my vacation days the right way, won’t you agree? Likes, reblogs and comments/emojis are appreciated!

#mrwinterr writes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfic #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan x reader #pornstar!bucky barnes #pornstar!bucky #pornstar!bucky au

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tommybaholland · 3 years ago

Text

when their drunk s/o is in their feels [pt.2]

featuring: dabi

the other part to this request! switching up the style and a little bit of the content. please be advised that this contains some themes of toxic relationships as well as unhealthy coping skills, such as drinking. there’s also some swearing and slander since we’re talking about this burnt, bitter man (who needs love :’( ). mostly angst but with a happy ending(??) idk i figured i’d switch it up lol enjoy :)

“let me have another, kurogiri,” you requested, your voice slightly slurred and your movements delayed as you held out your glass.

he complied, pouring another round of your drink of choice for the night. you hoped to get rid of that feeling of regret, including everything you said to him because honestly, you were right.

“why can’t i ever go out anywhere? it gets really boring in here, you know,” you reasoned.

“i know, sweetheart, but people will see you,” he explained vaguely, trying to remain logical and persuade you by using his soft voice.

“i’ve never even been associated with the League or you!” you remarked harshly, growing tired of the same, cyclical conversation. “it’s not like people know who i am.”

“look, people know that you’re still missing. did you ever think of that, huh?” he threw back at you, making you cross your arms defensively.

“so you really don’t trust me that much?”

“how can i when you don’t even use your brain? or lack thereof,” he insulted, turning away from you. “i’m the reason that you’re not dead or living on the streets, remember?”

you looked at him with a dumbfounded expression as if he wasn’t in that same situation several months ago.

“what are you talking-- we came here together, you-- you know what? i don’t have time for this. just go,” you replied, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

suddenly, icy blue eyes were right in front of your own, his hands tilting your face up to look at his.

“look, if you want to leave, there’s no one stopping you but don’t make it my problem and don’t think about coming back. you got that?”

you nod reluctantly with a scowl.

“good,” he responds before squishing your cheeks. “aww, look at that cute angry face,” he coos as he leans in to plant a kiss on your forehead. you decided to pull away right before his lips touch your skin.

“what the hell?” he snaps.

“just leave me alone and go do whatever you need to do, dabi. i don’t care,” you reply solemnly, turning away from him.

usually, you’d call him one of the stupid nicknames you had for him, like ‘dobby the house elf’ with that god-awful british accent that you do when you say it. but the emphasis on correctly saying his name let him know that you were really pissed off.

“fine. sit here and sulk. see if i care,” he grunts before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

“that’s all i ever do,” you mutter after he left.

so now here you are, trying to drink your feelings away.

you had accepted a long time ago that a relationship with him would be less than ideal but all the hiding was getting old to you. you wanted to go out every now and then, just for some fresh air. you were even delusional enough to think that maybe you could get him to take you out somewhere, like a normal couple.

but that wasn’t the case. you did this to yourself and somehow, you still don’t regret it.

you never thought you could love someone as much as you love him. you were both lost souls who had found each other through some thin strand of circumstance, call it fate if you want. you didn’t know everything but clearly he had been through some shit which made it only natural for you to gravitate toward him. you didn’t have the greatest track record either but it made you feel good, even hopeful, to find someone in a similar place.

how could you let go of all of that now?

“hey,” a distant voice called. “come on, wake up.”

your eyes openly slowly to reveal your boyfriend. apparently, you had fallen asleep at the bar.

“you can’t sleep down here,” he chided.

you blink, still processing the spinning images in front of your face. he wasn’t wearing his familiar jacket, leaving him in just his loose white shirt.

“da- dabi?”

“yeah. it’s me. come on. we’re going up to bed,” he instructs, tugging lightly at your wrist.

you allow him to pull you off the bar stool but it seems you overestimated your ability to stand up straight, as you immediately stumble to the ground.

albeit exhausted, you giggle from your little blunder. “whoopies.”

he sighs, looking back and down at you. “jesus christ, how much did you drink?”

“just a few,” you answered.

“yeah, right. not with how you’re walking, you clumsy dummy.”

“carry me, please?” you ask, reaching out to him as you pout.

he sighs once more, knowing that he cannot resist those eyes. he throws one of your arms around your neck as he lifts you up from under your knees and back.

“whoa, it’s like a rollercoaster ride. woo-hoo,” you cheered drunkenly, hanging your head back.

“quit moving,” he warns. “you’re gonna hit your head and then you’ll really be sorry.”

“gosh, you’re grumpy,” you noted, reaching a hand up to boop his nose.

“i suggest not doing that unless you want me to drop you.”

thankfully, he was able to make it to the bedroom without such a casualty. he placed you down on your side of the bed before getting you all tucked under the blankets, not even letting you change out of your day clothes. he didn’t say anything and ignored all your incoherent babbling as you were settled into bed. when he was finished, he intended to turn around and walk out. unfortunately, you didn’t want him to leave just yet as he felt your hand tug at his wrist.

“wait, where are you going? i have something to tell you,” you announced to him.

“okay. well, say it,” he urged, turning slightly towards you.

“nooooo,” you whined, shaking his hand. “can you get in the bed with me, please?”

you gave him that look again. “you and those damn eyes. alright, fine. move over.”

“yay!” you cheered as you made room for him. he took off his shirt before climbing in with you to which you naturally snuggled up close to him.

“hmm, you’re so warm,” you hummed as you pressed yourself against his bare chest.

“what were you going to say?” he asked in an annoyed tone.

“oh, yeah. i just wanted to say that i love you, even if you can be a head ass sometimes,” you spoke.

“what a sentiment,” he replied facetiously before hearing some sobs. “why are you crying?”

“because i love you so much! and i, um,” you stuttered, feeling more and more emotional. “i don’t want to lose you. i know you only keep me here to protect me but how do you think i feel? if you die, i want to die with you.”

he listened, his heart feeling both shame and warmth at the same time. he rubs a hand over your head as his other arm wraps around your body.

“sometimes you’re so sweet to me that it makes me sick,” he confessed. “but i guess that’s what they mean by ‘lovesick’, huh?”

“i love you and i’ve been in love with you since the beginning. i never really thought that i’d get this far, to be honest. i’m sorry that i can be a complete asshole to you when you don’t deserve it. well, maybe you do sometimes.”

he expected you would look annoyed and was shocked to hear you start laughing. he let a small grin appear on his face.

“only when you say dumb shit like those stupid nicknames that you call me,” he clarifiied.

he covered your mouth before you could even open it. “don’t. say it,” he warned.

“i’m not done yet. i was thinking that maybe possibly we could try to go out somewhere...together,” he offers.

“really?”

“but we’d have to wear disguises of some sort or go somewhere more secluded,” he reminds you.

you gasp. “we could get matching raincoats!”

“that’s the exact opposite of what i was thinking.”

“opposites are good. they attract, did you know?”

“that’s not true,” he countered before pulling you closer. “in fact, i think you’re a lot like me.”

“except my name isn’t da-beeee,” you pointed out while laughing, booping him in the nose again.

at this point, he was just humoring you. “yeah, yeah. laugh all you want. just wait until the morning when you’re sick everywhere.”

“maybe if i knew your real name, you wouldn’t get so much hate,” you said in a sing-song voice.

“i told you, i’ll tell you when you need to know,” he replied.

“i need to know-whoa,” you sang. “i like that song.”

“alright, it’s quiet time now,” he hushed, beginning to rub the back of your neck to lull you to sleep.

you sighed against his skin as your eyes drooped more and more. “love you.”

“love you more, sweetheart. i’ll talk to you in the morning.”

he figured it was time for him to completely let you in, planning on getting you sobered up enough to tell you everything about him. you are his one and only true love with whom he would try to build a more suitable life.

good night for a bnha night! send all your confessions...

big thanks to the lovely patrons for supporting this blog:

Syd

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#mha x reader #bnha x reader #dabi x reader #dabi drabble #dabi fluff #dabi angst #tommybaholland

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beauty-and-passion · 4 years ago

Text

Time to talk about the flower shirt

You read the title. Time to talk about this.

This is the infamous flower shirt Thomas put on in his store and, since the fandom is the fandom, everyone started to speculate about those flowers.

At first, I didn’t want to do it. They’re just flowers and other people already talked about them, so what could I possibly add to the conversation?

But while I was writing about Orange, I had to talk a moment about the orange flower. It was supposed to be a small parenthesis, just a couple of words about that.

But then I looked at the other flowers and what other people told/not told about them and how some didn’t find Patton’s flower... so here I am, adding my two cents to this theme.

You needed it? Probably not. Well, I’m writing it anyway.

So let’s take a closer look at those flowers and see each one in detail:

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Roman: Red rose

Should I really explain why it’s perfect for Roman? Red roses are the universal symbol of love. Basically in all cultures red roses symbolize passion, true love, romance and desire. Also, according to this website, even the shade has a meaning! In fact, the deeper the red shade is, the stronger is the passion.

And even the number of red roses has a meaning! In this case, we have only one single red rose and that "represents love at first sight, or if it’s coming from a long-term partner, they are saying “you are still the one”.”

You know what that made me think? About Thomas telling Roman “You’re my hero”. A perfect symbol that he was “still the one” for Thomas.

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Orange: Lantana camara

This is an incredibly peculiar flower.

Lantana Camara symbolizes severity and rigour. And this alone can be analyzed in all possible ways, but there are other interesting details about this plant I think it's worth mentioning.

Lantana is toxic for livestock, such as cattle, sheep, horses, dogs and goats. According to Wikipedia, previous studies suggested it could be toxic for humans too, especially the green unripe berries. However "other studies have found evidence which suggests that its fruit poses no risk to humans".

Lantana is a freaking invasive plant. In some areas, it's so predominant, to reduce biodiversity, because its presence "can significantly slow down the regeneration of forests, by preventing the growth of new trees". Also, as if this isn't enough, this plant can also produce toxic chemicals which inhibit other plant species.

Lantana has also a great adaptability, that helped it to be so invasive: it can live in a wide range of different environmental conditions, it can survive long periods without water, heck it's even resistant to fire. It's not a plant you can underestimate. Like Orange, I assume.

But Lantana isn't just an invasive plant. Lantana has always been used for medical purposes, because it showed good antimicrobial, fungicidal and insecticidal properties and its extract helps against respiratory infections and ulcers.

Also, since it doesn't have many pests or diseases, lantana became a common ornamental plant. It even attracts butterflies!

In other words: isn't that the perfect plant to symbolize the double nature of a dark side? It can be a threat, change the environment, destroy and even kill. But it can also be a medicine, something useful, something beautiful.

Whoever Orange is, Lantana camara tells us that, whithout a doubt, he’s a dark side.

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Janus: Sunflower

Do you think Janus isn't perfect enough as he is? Do you think there's not enough husband material in the snek?

Well, you’re wrong and the sunflower is here to prove it.

Sunflower symbolizes loyalty, adoration, longevity, vitality, worship. Now add this up to the sunflower’s behaviour and how it follows the sun... and you’ll get Janus. Janus literally acts like a sunflower: Thomas is his sun and everything Janus does is for him. His whole existence is centered around Thomas.

But we already knew that, because it's the same message that shone through his playlist. Everything about Janus tells us how much he adores Thomas, from his canonical behavior in the series, to his playlist, to this flower.

Oh, do you need another proof that this is flower is perfect for Janus? Some societies use sunflowers as religious symbols. Ah, some good ol' reference to religion: it’s like being in his playlist all over again.

And, of course, sunflowers are used for a variety of reasons, like cooking oils, skin care and so on. Even the flower says self care.

This man is perfect.

__________________________________

Remus: Green chrysanthemum

Here's another interesting flower.

Chrysanthemum symbolizes death and it’s the typical flower used for funerals. And I thought this was its universal meaning. It was perfect for Remus just like that.

But then I found out that Europeans use chrysanthemums for funerals and to honor the dead. This flower actually has a whole lot of meanings, some completely different from this.

In China, for example, chrysanthemums are associated with wealth, prosperity and long life. Also they're symbols of new life and reincarnations, so they're the perfect gift for old people or newborns.

While in Japan chrysanthemums are symbols of power and royalty. And that's even more fitting for Remus, because he's a Duke, so he is royalty.

But chrysanthemum also symbolizes friendship - and not just "a friendship", but a meaningful one. It's a symbol of loyalty, devotion, romantic/platonic love and, in general, positive energy. It's a flower with an incredibly strong meaning, so it can't be given too lightly.

And this makes it even more perfect for Remus. It's a flower with a huge plurality of meanings, it's both associated with life and death, it's powerful and it's royalty.

Also, you can eat it. Isn't that the perfect Remus flower?

(On a side note: please notice how chrysanthemums and sunflowers are both associated with joy, loyalty and devotion. I would have never considered "joy" a common trait between Janus and Remus while loyalty and devotion... well, they both care about Thomas and his career and they both work for him despite not being accepted, so I can see why those are common traits.)

__________________________________

Patton: Nemophila

Surprise surprise, this flower wasn't easy to find. I’ve never heard of it, so I had to search among endless lists of blue flowers, hoping to find one that would perfectly match the one on the shirt.

And that’s how I found nemophila.

First of all: nemophila is also known as "Baby Blue Eyes" and it's an extremely rare color to find in nature. It’s very famous in Japan, thanks to the Hitachi Seaside Park. Open this link: it’s a literal sea of blue and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Of course, it attracts people every year.

Nemophila represents prosperity, congratulations on success and victory. Not the first things you would associate with Patton, right?

Well, while I was searching more informations about this flower, I found out this website about the essence of Baby Blue Eyes and the passage I quoted down below has the exact same words you can find on that link:

With its pronounced affinity for water, the Baby Blue Eyes flower essences addresses qualities of tender sensitivity, innocence and trust associated one’s early childhood relationship to the father, or other significant masculine figures that are in some way disturbed.

Very often the father was absent, or there was a lack of support or genuine presence. The Baby Blue Eyes type attempts over time to cover this wound of vulnerability with a false “hardening,” such as emotional distancing, mistrust, cynicism or spiritual alienation. It is a flower that can be equally helpful for men or women, although it is especially needed for many men who struggle to become strong, by disowning their pain.

So nemophilia’s essence has qualities associated with childhood, to the father figure and attempts to “repress” and hide emotions.

That’s Patton. That’s him, period. The childhood-related emotions, that are linked to Patton’s longing for “a simpler time”. The mentions of a father figure - who migh be absent or showing lack of support (like, idk, suggesting you should die so your friends live?). And the attempt to “cover the vulnerability” doesn’t remind you anything? Like the Nostalgia episodes?

This flower is Patton.

__________________________________

Logan: Blue petunia

I would like to say, from the bottom of my heart, a huge "FUCK YOU" to this flower, because I spent TWO DAYS searching all the blue flowers in the world and all possible variants, asking myself why this goddamn flower looked so familiar and why it was so hard to find. Blue isn't even a common color in nature, so why couldn't I find it?

I've learned more about blue flowers in these two days than in my entire life. I've searched among flowers I never saw before, like glandora diffusa, leschenaultia and omphalodes verna. I was so desperate to consider this flower a new species, with the petals of a bellflower and the corolla of a morning glory. I even found a goddamn chinese variant of the morning glory that was somehow similar but not that much and why, WHY this was so hard to find?!

And then, after two days and a lot more desperation, I remembered: my dear friend @reptilianwithscallions told me about a post they made, regarding this shirt and the flowers. Maybe they had some idea about Logan's flower?

Well, let's all thank my saviour and this post, because otherwise I would've kept searching until the end of my days.

Long story short, Logan's flower is a fucking blue petunia.

And it's a very peculiar choice, because petunias have multiple meanings, several of which can be contradictory.

In general, petunia symbolizes anger and resentment. It reminds someone that you're still angry or disappointed by their actions and you haven’t gotten over the things that caused these feelings.

Oh my, I didn't know we were back in Logan's playlist. It's basically what he kept expressing towards Thomas with his songs: that he was angry at Thomas for his decision, that he doesn't approve that Thomas hasn't "a real job" and so on. Petunia is a flower that screams passive-aggressive, so it's perfect for Logan.

But petunia's meaning deeply changes, depending on the color of the flower. And while petunia in general symbolizes anger, a blue petunia is a symbol of peacefulness, intimacy and deep trust, shared between two or more people. It's so wholesome, because the deep trust reminds me - again - of Logan's playlist and how it ended: no matter what, he and Thomas are always best friends.

Also, petunia flowers have even a secret meaning behind. Since they’re also gifted to new neighbors or to people who have just moved into a new home, they represent a perfect welcome and a way to express affection and kindness to others.

You’re lucky to be so wholesome, you tricky flower.

__________________________________

Virgil: Perennial Geranium

Geranium is a confused flower.

Some of the other flowers have conflicted meanings, but not as much as this flower. These are the most common meanings I found:

Folly or Stupidity

Gentility and kind nature

Clever minds

Ingenuity

Melancholy

Perfect gift for a bride

You can gift it to someone with whom you have planned a meeting

You can gift it to someone with whom you haven't planned a meeting, just to make them feel welcomed

True Friendship

See? It’s confused.

Aside from jokes, this variety of meanings is due to its great diffusion: since geraniums grow everywhere, every culture gave them a different meaning. And sometimes these meanings depend on the situation too.

Awww, isn't it perfect for Virgil? He can be good and bad at the same time. Anxiety can be bad for Thomas and detrimental for his life, but it can also be the alarm Thomas needs. It depends on the situation.

And, just like geraniums in general symbolize positive emotions, happiness and friendship, so Virgil is in general a good guy. All he does is for Thomas' wellbeing, not against him.

And this is confirmed by the vast use of geranium's essential oil. It's one of the most popular and it has a ton of properties: anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-depressant, decongestant, relaxing and so on. Just like our Virge boy can be incredibly useful under the right circumstances. (Did someone say "Flirting with social Anxiety"?)

Also, geraniums are simple, humble flowers that usually grow outside, but then we take them and make them part of our homes. Once again, it’s Virgil: he's an outsider, he's humble, he talks bad about himself - but Thomas and the others took him and made him part of the famILY anyway.

__________________________________

Thomas: Cherry blossom

I searched this flower everywhere and the only one that looks like the one on the shirt is the cherry blossom. Why did Thomas make a cherry blossom with eight petals, when they all have five? I have no idea. Is this a different flower, maybe? Maybe, but I’m done: I've looked at enough flowers and I don’t have any strength left.

As you probably already know, cherry blossoms are extremely important in Japan. They're beautiful, they're everywhere and they're meaningful.

Why? Because cherry blossoms are considered the perfect metaphor for human existence. When they blossom it's a pink ocean, a party, people go to admire them - but they’re short lived, because in two weeks, the blossoms start to fall. It's just like human life: a small, rich, glorious parenthesis in the void. Something little and precious that ends soon.

But cherry blossoms also symbolize rebirth, optimism, hopes and dreams. When they bloom, it means springtime is coming and spring has always been associated with renewal.

That’s a very good choice for character Thomas. He’s basically a cherry blossom, the whole series is: something that reminds us how beautiful life is, how multi-faceted, how important. Just like Thomas' single being encompasses seven different sides of himself, so life presents a wide range of choices, of aspects, of flavours. All beautiful, all worthy of appreciation, no matter how different they can be from you and your experience.

And this becomes even more important, in relation to the passage of time and the transience of life. Because life is short and, after that, there won't be any more time to appreciate anything.

In addition to that, I would like to point out how the theme of passage of time is something we already saw in the series. And not just one time, but several. Since the first season, we have episodes all around the concept of growing up, growing old, not being a child anymore, becoming an adult. And the last Aside keeps going in this direction. It's clear this is a big theme and its connection with the cherry blossoms proves it.

But why is the flower so different on the shirt? Because Thomas wanted to mess up with us? Probably. Almost certainly. Once again, thank you Mr. Sanders for making me question everything.

The floor is (figuratively) yours now: if you have any other information, thoughts or opinions, feel free to share them.

_______________________________

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makeste · 4 years ago

Text

some follow-up thoughts on BnHA 306

mostly Deku angst, but also a little Baku angst (and some TodoBaku angst) mixed in for good measure. because there’s plenty of angst to go around.

1. “if I’d only been stronger...”

I’ll talk more about Deku later in this post as well, because there’s definitely plenty to talk about; this is the most character development he’s gotten in almost 200 chapters. but for starters, I want to discuss the possible parallels between Deku’s current character arc, and what is arguably the most iconic moment of angst/character development in the series.

remember how this kid, who up until this point had rarely seemed to give two fucks about the world around him, suddenly revealed that he blamed himself for being the downfall of All Might? remember how it came almost out of nowhere? how he’d been hiding it, and trying to suppress it? “but even if I try to forget... sometimes it all just comes rushing back.”

yeah. so anyway, I got to thinking -- if being the cause of one hero’s downfall could affect someone this badly, what about being responsible for the downfall of all heroes?

what if a boy who wanted nothing more than to keep people safe suddenly found himself at the epicenter of a disaster that killed hundreds, possibly even thousands of people?

now obviously, this is not the sole thing that’s troubling Deku right now; this kid has a whole array of traumas as of the War arc. like, you know it’s bad when Society As We Know It Coming To An End Partially Because Of You is the least of your problems. but still, I think this is worth bringing up, because the hero kids blaming themselves for things that aren’t their fault is hardly anything new. and yet, what with everything else that’s been going on -- all of the Todoroki drama, and Vestige revelations, and hospital antics, and political strife -- I feel like it’s easy to forget or overlook this little detail.

the fact is that AFO put this entire plan into motion solely in the hopes of finally obtaining OFA. every single thing that happened at Jakku -- Tomura powering up; Machia waking up and going on his rampage (after being ordered to do so by Tomura); and even Dabi/Touya choosing this moment to finally strike (because he knew this was when the reveal would do the maximum damage -- when people’s faith in heroes was already wavering) -- every last bit of it can ultimately be traced back to AFO’s desire to steal OFA. which, obviously, makes it AFO’s fault, not Deku’s. but then, Kamino wasn’t actually Katsuki’s fault either. it wasn’t his fault the villains went after him (but he blamed himself anyway), and it wasn’t his fault that people got hurt in the ensuing battle to save him (but he blamed himself anyway).

just. I think we’re underestimating just how strong of an impact all of this likely had on Deku. we haven’t really had the chance to see him process it yet. he’s been too busy, and there have been too many other things going on. but I’m telling you guys, that empty look in his eyes in the final page of the chapter? I can all but guarantee you that at least some of that emotional weight is coming from this.

sure would be nice if he had a friend who knew exactly what that was like, and could help him process the guilt and all of the other associated emotions, just like Deku once helped him. unfortunately I’m not so sure things will be that easy this time around. anyways though let’s move on to a couple of other thoughts and speculations.

2. “...and I bullied him.”

one of my least-favorite BnHA fanfic tropes is the one where the rest of class 1-A somehow finds out about Katsuki and Deku’s history -- i.e. that Katsuki bullied Deku throughout most of their childhood. mind you, it’s not the concept itself that I dislike; it’s mostly how it’s used. a lot of times it’s just an excuse to have all of the other kids turn on Katsuki and ostracize him; either because the author thinks that’s what he deserves, or else so that Deku can eventually come to his rescue and defend him and shame the rest of the class for not seeing how much he’s changed. either way, it’s usually pretty awkward to read, and more often than not the characters are pretty OOC (especially Ochako and Todoroki).

however! there’s a big difference between fanfic and canon, and just because I’m not a fan of this trope in the former doesn’t mean it couldn’t be executed well in the latter. and lately I’ve been thinking about this a lot. mainly for three reasons:

the recent (can we still call it recent?? well whatever) scene where Katsuki confessed to All Might that he used to bully Deku is now one of my favorite scenes in the entire series, and proof that this can be executed well.

both Todoroki and Deku have finally had their respective big secrets revealed to the rest of the class. so like, idk. feels like it just might be secret-revealing season now, you know?

and lastly, as a result of Deku’s secret about OFA finally being revealed, the rest of 1-A now either knows, or can extrapolate, that he used to be quirkless.

and from there, I feel like it’s not all that hard to put two and two together with how terrible Kacchan and Deku’s relationship was when they first started at UA. that’s not a terribly difficult puzzle to solve. so I feel like it might come out anyway, and if so, I’d prefer Bakugou telling them himself, and taking responsibility as part of his atonement process. because we know that he regrets it. we know their relationship has changed. we know that he has changed. and so I think I might like to see this.

alternately, if confessing to the entire class is too much, at the very least I could see him confessing to Shouto, because I’ve always felt like this was one of the big things that made Katsuki so resistant to letting Todoroki call him a friend. because I feel like there’s a part of Katsuki that saw the parallels between Endeavor’s abuse of Shouto and his own bullying of Deku, and thought, he wouldn’t be so quick to call me his friend if he actually knew the truth. and so there’s actually been this roadblock wedged between them this whole time that Shouto doesn’t even know about. because Shouto hates Endeavor. and so it’s not such a leap to assume he’d hate Katsuki too if he knew just how terrible he’d been to Deku when they were younger.

not that I think he actually would! actually I don’t think either of those things is actually true (because Shouto clearly doesn’t hate his father either, in spite of everything that’s happened). but the point isn’t what I think -- the point is what Katsuki thinks. and I really do think there’s a good chance he’s worried about Shouto hating him, and it’s one of the things that’s made him so reluctant to accept his friendship. anyway, so I’m really just rambling now, but you get my point. I don’t know if this is actually going to happen, but it’s a scene I would like to see if Horikoshi decides to indulge me.

3. “...so when you wake up, please give him my best.”

and now, as promised, back to Deku.

ngl guys, when I first saw this image, my immediate thought was that Gran must have died. because I mean, hello, leaving U.A.?? donning himself in his teacher’s old cape?? empty, exhausted look in his eyes?? what else were we supposed to think lol.

but maybe that was an overreaction. because when I think about it more, Gran’s death isn’t strictly necessary in order to push Deku over the edge. first of all, there’s already the whole “hero society is in ruins now because of you” thing I mentioned earlier. but also, there are just so many other things. like, let’s just list them here because omg. what a rough couple of days this kid had.

he was forced to battle TomurAFO and was terribly injured in the process (most of which was his own fault, but he wouldn’t have gone that far with OFA unless he felt like he had no choice)

and it wasn’t just him that was injured, either. in fact, even though he tried to act as bait to keep everyone else safe, he wasn’t able to stop three of the people closest to him from nearly being killed right before his eyes

and of course that last one was especially traumatic, because it was Kacchan, and because he had to watch Kacchan nearly die just to protect him. out of all the things that Deku witnessed in this arc, this might be the one that had the biggest impact on him

he was also basically helpless to do anything to protect Shouto and Endeavor when Dabi showed up. so again, we have this running theme of people he cares about being hurt and him not being able to save them

and he also got sucked into the OFA Interstellar Dream Vortex for a brief spell during the battle, during which he learned that AFO had possessed Tomura. more importantly, he learned that Tomura was Nana’s grandson, a fact which was only briefly touched on during that scene, but which I think wound up being the trigger to the whole avalanche that ended with Deku leaving UA. but more on that in a moment

anyway so just to wrap this all up, the battle eventually ended, Tomura got away despite all of their efforts, and then Deku wound up comatose in the hospital for two days. which brings us to the most recent chapters, during which

Deku learns that he will be the last wielder of OFA, whether he likes or not

Deku learns the identity of the last two mystery OFA users

and then at some point, he wakes up and presumably talks to Gran, and winds up with his cape

something happened during these last two scenes which helped to push Deku over the edge. I won’t delve into the matter of the Second or Third users for now, although most of you already know my suspicions regarding that, and I do think that would fit into the general pattern here (that is, the pattern of Deku feeling more and more strongly that he is putting the people around him in danger, and his fear of losing them becoming so overwhelming that it eventually pushes him to leave).

but that’s not what I want to talk about for now. what I want to talk about is Gran. specifically, what it is that Deku discussed with Gran. and this is where we come back to that reveal I mentioned earlier -- that Tomura is Nana’s grandchild.

basically, what I think happened is that Deku mentioned seeing Nana in the OFA Zany Psychedelic Spirit Void, which led to the topic of Tomura, and the fun fact Deku recently learned about him being related to Nana. this, in turn leads to Gran divulging his various regrets about everything that happened with him and Nana and Kotarou. his intent is to apologize to Deku for placing the burden of their failures on him. unfortunately, the part that Deku actually gets fixated on instead is this:

All for One hunted down and killed Nana’s son (and probably her husband as well), and stole her grandchild and psychologically tortured him into becoming a mass murderer, for no other reason than that Nana had once held OFA

in other words, AFO can and will hurt and kill anyone Deku is close to, anyone who has any kind of connection to him at all, without mercy, and regardless of whether it actually gives him any kind of tactical advantage or not. he’ll do it simply to hurt him. no other reason necessary.

I don’t know about you, but for me that would be a terrifying realization. and for Deku, I think it just might have been the tipping point.

so, let’s recap.

Deku learns that AFO is after him

AFO/Tomura very nearly kills several of Deku’s most important people, including Kacchan

and then he learns that this is just the tip of the iceberg, and realizes that all of their lives are still in danger and will continue to be as long as Deku is AFO’s target

and then add to all of this the misplaced guilt about society already being shambles, and the heroes already having more than enough to worry about. they’re barely holding things together as it is. and we already know how Deku feels about being a burden to them:

and so instead, he leaves. of course he does. in hindsight, I think this was inevitable.

the question is, did anyone else also put the pieces together in time to realize what Deku was planning before he actually left? specifically, did Katsuki, who understands Deku’s self-sacrificial nature better than anyone else, see the signs and put two and two together? like he did back at Jakku?

and if he did, would Deku have been willing to accept his help again?

somehow, I can’t help but think it might not be that easy this time.

anyway, so that was a lot of rambling, lol. sorry about that. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS about all of this angsty shit. tired nomad Deku needs hugs and comfort and someone to reassure him that he doesn’t have to face this alone, and that everything is going to be all right. HE IS JUST A LITTLE BOY. this is too much, and I cannot handle any of these feels, and oh my god, somebody please help him.

#bnha 306 #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #gran torino #bnha meta #deku meta #bakugou meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #long post #bakudeku #todobaku

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