#idk I just dislike how aging is being seen these days in the internet

[angy-grrr]

i have an issue I see with ppl trying to make shippers "understand" their ship could not become canon, and I dont think many would expect it.

Why are we pretending being in your late 30s is being middle age? Dont get me wrong, being a middle aged person doesn't have to mean anything about someone, but its just- not middle age literally.

I dont really understand bringing that up anyways, iit feels wrong to me to believe just ppl in their teens and 20s could ever do anything pro LGBT+ in general... I find it insulting, as if this is a new thing or impossible to believe older people could believe in queerness in a positive light or be queer themselves. The main reason in the west, and im assuming other parts of the world, there arent as many or as visible is, well, because people were dying because of the AIDS crisis + the isolation from being older and every single public space made for or just young queers or cishet older adults.

I get the point, but if I remember correctly every time I see someone trying to do that (of course im believing they have the best intentions in mind), they have to bring up how this is a Japanese middle aged man as a good enough reason.

I don't really mind about what others want to believe or how much they care in terms of shipping -if you prefer to be casual and not paying that much attention to what's canon or not, good for you! Many ppl are also like that and its completely valid, here in this side of Tumblr might seem like all of us believe and theorize about their endgame potential bc we are the ones that usually make more posts or longer content. But I dont like those assumptions about queerness being tied to young westerners, and I wanted to rant a little bit.

Again, I dont believe that was the intention in any of those posts, and im not trying to call out anyone, just rant.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #304

“she’s got a hold on me  /  maybe she is just what they want me to be”

How many foreign friends do you have? Only one that I know of that actually immigrated into America in their life. I think. In which countries do they live? She was born in Asia, either China or Japan. What was your dream birthday party as a kid? I either wanted to go to the skating rink or Chuck E. Cheese. Have you ever come up with your own game? As a kid, definitely. Whose hand did you hold last? Probably my niece's or nephew's if they were taking me somewhere. What was the last thing you planted? Habaneros, I think. Do you have a green thumb or are you all thumbs with plants? I don't really try with plants because I'm not interested in the maintenance. What or who was the last thing you gossiped about? Does telling your therapist about another person and what they do to stress you out count? lol Any books on your night stand? Wings of Fire: The Brightest Night. Would you ever consider going vegetarian? I was briefly one, but I had to introduce meat back into my diet because I just hate too many foods needed to keep me healthy without meat. I would love love LOVE to go vegan, but I just can't. When's the last time you helped a senior citizen somehow? Probably holding open a door for someone in a wheelchair. What's the most selfless act you have done? I don't know... Maybe letting my mother use all my Christmas and birthday money (which was a lot) to take care of bills to keep us from being evicted and losing the car. She was going to pay me back, but then cancer happened. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? No. What makes you feel lucky? The fact I have a roof over my head, food on the table, access to water... That kind of stuff. Never take it for granted. How many Lidls are there in your town? One. Last time you went to Ikea, what did you buy? I don't believe we've ever bought anything from there? But I wouldn't really know. How do you like your favorite beverage? Really cold in a can, heeeeell yeah. What's your big family secret? We don't really have one. What did you think you were good at, until you saw someone else do it? I remember thinking I was the "gifted" artist in school until I met my acquaintance Cailin in the 5th grade, lol. She is SO talented. What is something nice going on in your life right now? My partial hospitalization program is going well. I'm getting more comfortable with talking via things like Zoom, it's a good opportunity for me to socialize with like-minded people almost every day, and I ADORE one of the teachers so much so that I want him to be my normal therapist. I have never in the entirety of my life felt less judged and more cared for from any therapist before him, and it's almost supernatural how easily this man reads people. You could twitch a certain way and he picks it up. I'm ready for him to teach more of the sessions. What was the pinnacle of wealth to you as a child? The idea of owning one of those toy crane machines, haha. If I saw one in a store, I would like beeeeg for it. I remember I cried once when I came across one I adored, it was just too expensive, lol. I did eventually get a little one, I think. What's something that you hate, but can't live without? My meds. What skill do you not talk about, because you feel it sounds like bragging? I don't really brag about anything I think I'm good at because I feel bad about it and don't wanna emit a "better than you" vibe. Who's the worst person you've encountered on the Internet? Ahhh, a lovely "friend" nicknamed Shakes. God she hated me. If death wasn't a consequence, what would you try? Probably ride a motorcycle. I'm too scared to risk the possibility of crashing, and those wrecks are nasty. What's the dumbest thing you've heard someone say? There's this one video of a TV show host thinking the moon was a planet and it was just- What is the worst smell you can remember? This smell was forever branded into my memory as if it was fuckin trauma. When my late dog Teddy had a massive, infected cyst near his ~you know~ and also wore diapers because of incontinence with his age (also keep in mind he had a UTI we couldn't afford to fix, and that smells bad enough), changing the diaper he would wear overnight could, swear to God, be enough to make you puke. It literally came to a point that I personally could no longer do it. It sounds so so bad and selfish, and it probably is, but Mom had to do it before she left and came home from work; she's way less fazed by stuff like that than me. Yes, when we had the money, we got the cyst removed. What song gets better the louder it gets? Only like, every song I enjoy. The louder the better until it becomes obnoxious to others. What's the biggest inconvenience that does NOT ruin your day? Having to pee at like an unnatural frequency? haha What's something everybody should know how to do? Cook... which I don't know how to do. What is a great movie no one knows about? I'unno. I don't really know the success level of most movies unless you see stuff about it everywhere. What type of person could the world use less of? Rapists, pedophiles, monsters like that. What makes you tingle? I have this odd reaction to rubbing my hand while someone is holding it???? idk why????? What’s the best Wi-Fi name you’ve seen? Oh MAN, I wish I could remember 'em all. I've seen some goodies. What's easy to learn, but hard to master? God, it's pathetic that my immediate response is related to a video game, haha. Then again it's such a common idea that it's basically a meme in the World of Warcraft community. So, playing hunters in the game. They're argued to be one of the - if not the - easiest classes in the game that requires little to no skill, while as a hunter main, I disagree with the second part firmly. I don't know about the other specializations because I don't play them, but at least in beast mastery, it takes focus and thinking ahead to master your rotation for optimal damage and just to generally be a skilled player of the class. Not to mention you need to watch your pet(s), too. What's something you've changed your opinion on? Wow, LOTS. Tons of political ideas, like my stance on gay rights, transgender folks, etc... If you had a refilling bowl, what would you want it to contain? For some reason my mind immediately jumped to fresh strawberries. I'm picky with the firmness of fruit, so I won't eat them if they're older because ew. If your bedroom had three portals to anywhere, where would they lead? I mean this in the least creepy way possible, but Sara's house so we could actually hang out, Dad's house so I could see him more, and then uhhh South Africa to regularly see meerkitties. You can ask any author one question about their story. What do you ask? Oh, I dunno. I've got some for writers of other media, but I guess by "author," you mean this is for books exclusively. If you have caffeine late in the day, does it cause you to struggle with your sleep? Shit, I wouldn't even know because I essentially always have caffeine in my system. I don't believe it affects me. When you struggle to sleep, what do you do instead? Keep trying to sleep, or more common than not, I do exactly what you shouldn't do and get back on the laptop for a while. Who was the last person you spoke to for the first time? How did you come to speak to this person? My most recent therapist in the PHP. I love love love him. The therapists rotate the days they teach, and he was the last one I met. Are there any TV shows from your childhood that you still watch today? I'm not opposed to it if I actually watched television. Do you enjoy buying gifts for other people, or do you never know what to buy them? If I actually have the money to, omg yes. I honestly do think I create or buy very thoughtful gifts, and I just really enjoy reminding other people that I love and think about them. Who were you with the last time you went out for a meal? My sisters, Mom, and I went to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday dinner. That place has come to oust Olive Garden as my favorite restaurant, haha. What’s the last thing you watched on TV? Is this a programme you watch regularly? I believe it was this amateur cooking show called Nailed It!, I think it was, with my mom when I sat in the living room with her for dinner one night. Do you have a favorite documentary subject (eg. nature, celebrities, history, crime)? Absolutely animals. Does having to wear a mask stop you from doing anything, just because you dislike them or find them uncomfortable? Do not fucking talk to me if you're anti-mask. If I set foot in public, I'm wearing a mask like a goddamn considerate human being. Do you prefer zip-up or overhead hoodies? Overhead. I really dislike the appearance of zippers on them. If you have a yard or garden, how much time do you spend out there? N/A When was the last time someone bought you flowers? What was the occasion? I think it was the first time Tyler came to my house. This was quite a few years ago. When was the last time you stayed overnight away from home? Was this with friends, family or in a hotel somewhere? What was the occasion? Hell, I'm pretty sure I haven't slept over anywhere since the last time I was visiting Sara, which was like, two years ago. What’s your favorite period to learn about in history? What got you interested in this particular era? The Renaissance; I always found it to be an attractive subject, art being in its "glory days" and all. My Art History course in college really hooked me in. What is the smallest thing you lose your temper over instantly? Homophobic bullshit. What's a job that doesn't get enough respect? As others have said before me, teachers might just top the list. The shit they gotta put up with for so little pay... What did you take for granted until you visited another country? I've never left America, so I wouldn't know. Who is your favorite scientist and why? I don't have a favorite; I don't know nearly enough about any. Do you prefer emoticons or emoji? I'm from the emoticons era, so I'm biased, haha. How did you meet your pet? Roman was the kitten of one of my sister's mother-in-law's females. They have quite a cat problem and wanted to adopt the kittens out, and Mom knew I desperately wanted a cat, so there we go. One day when we were over there, she showed me the kittens, and Roman caught my eye instantly with his beautiful blue eyes. Venus, I "met" via the Morph Market, a reptile hub website for selling, as the name implies, reptiles that are generally morphs of their species. I was clicking through the genes, keeping my price ceiling in mind, and really fell in love with champagnes, and I thought Venus in specific was just absolutely beautiful. I officially met her as a little thing mailed to me, and she was and still is just the sweetest. I wanna point out that when I chose Venus, I hadn't the slightest idea that champagnes harbored "the spider gene," as otherwise I would have avoided adopting her and feeding the market. Regardless, I love her to death and wouldn't trade her out. Did/Do you have any PEZ dispensers? I did as a kiddo, yeah. Do you enjoy erotic stories? If so, do you read them or write them? No; they make me really uncomfortable. When writing RP, some scenes can get sexual, but I have my limits for sure and know when to stop writing and just time-skip. If you had to choose, which one would you rather have: a pet or a baby? Keep the baby away from me. Gimme a plains hognose or tarantula, please. ^Why did you choose the one you chose? I don't want kids at all but would love the mentioned animals as pets. Do you live with your parents or on your own/with a partner? I live with my mother. What's the car of your dreams? I don't have a "dream car." Have you ever witnessed something or someone die? Animals, yes. Has anyone ever told you that you snore or talk in your sleep? I don't snore, but I talk a LOT. Do you have any houseplants? No. Are you more on a laptop or a desktop computer? I only have a laptop, and I prefer them for portability's sake. If you could do absolutely anything, what would you like to do the most? Entirely leave behind my anxiety, probably. Or PTSD. Do you think your parents raised you well? Yeah. Dad didn't really take much part in "raising" us/enforcing rules and stuff, but hey, my sisters and I wound up being good people. Do you have a Facebook? Yeah. Do you know any of your neighbors? Definitely not well. We haven't lived here long at all. Does/did any of your relatives have an interesting, nowadays unusual job? I'm sure somebody does. Have you met your ideal partner yet? I think so. Have you had a serious relationship yet? If so, how many? Yeah, two. Do you enjoy books, magazines or comic books the most? Books. Are your parents old-fashioned or up-to-date about certain things? Dad is more old-fashioned I think, while Mom is pretty up-to-date. Do you or did you at some point keep a diary? I very briefly did on a few occasions. I always had a journal I wrote in during all my hospital stays. Have you ever upcycled trash into useful items? I remember I once followed this craft idea on Animal Planet where you turn a milk jug into a bird house. We never got any birds in it, though. Which color Skittle do you like best? The only right answer is red. What’s your favorite element? Of the classic four, fire. If you had your own radio show, what would it be like? YIKES, I don't want one. Don't make me talk in front of (through a radio or not) people. What has been the biggest surprise you’ve ever gotten? An "impossible" breakup over Facebook Messenger lmaoooo. Is there a holiday you can’t stand at all? There aren't any that I "can't stand," but I do hold at least some degree of dislike of ones bastardized by religion. It's disrespectful as fuck. Who is your favorite person in the whole world? My mom. Has there ever been an activity you became obsessed with? I was definitely obsessed with RPing in my early teens. Like, I ALWAYS wanted to be writing it. What has been the strangest place you ran into someone from your past? I can't think of an occurance. What is something people tend to come to you about? Anything related to English and grammar. If applicable, what's the furthest you've traveled because of a hobby? For purely a hobby, definitely not very far, partially because I can't drive or afford travelling via plane or whatever. Do you have souvenirs from other countries? If so, what and from where? N/A What do you do when someone is talking to you about something you don't care about? Pretend to be interested to avoid being rude. Do you have Photoshop installed on your computer? Yeah. Do you put lotion on after you get out of the shower? No, but I need to. Has anyone ever given you a promise ring? No. Do you have any bruises on you? Yeah, on my shin. When getting in Ash's van the other day, I hit it against the thing that helps you step up into the vehicle. Because of my muscle atrophy, I, and I am not kidding, can barely manage to absolutely yank myself up there. And mind you, her van isn't even very high up at all. My legs are just that damn weak. Any changes in appearance lately? Gaining weight is fucking lovely. Who was the last person to call you babe or baby? Probably a gal friend commenting on a selfie or something on Facebook. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Sometimes. Do you actually care about other's problems? Probably too much for my own good. Have you ever gotten a teddy bear from someone? Besides my mom, I don't think so.

[barryallenis]

Great points about Twitter. What I love is all the experts on other people’s lives. I understand being a fan but it’s just crazy to me that people think they know what’s best for ppl they barely know. I’m sorry I’m not taking life advice from strangers on the internet just because you say you’re a fan. I’m sure these celebs appreciate us being fans but lets stay in our lane. What these celebs do with their lives is their business. We are there to support & enjoy them on the screen fr a distance

And most of those people could not even IMAGINE going up to a person they barely knew and making such bold claims about their lives and choices. Hell, most of the stuff people tell random celebrities on twitter to do I wouldn’t say to my best friend.

‘Celebrity’ at this point is treated nearly like it’s own sub-species. It always feels like celebrities are treated one of two ways at all times; like they’re more than human, a ‘godlike’ figure who should be praised, or less than human, like an object for other peoples enjoyment.

It’s WILD how much we have dissociated the human aspects of a person with their noteriety. Celebrities are entirely our own creation, because of our interest in them and how we treat them.

It’s one thing to compliment them on the thing that have created, or to even critique it! But the way you do it matter so much!! Why because this person stars in a tv show we like do we think we can tell them who they should be with, what they should be speaking out for, how they should be behaving, hell, even just for being the actor who portrays a characters storyline you have feelings about that THEY DID NOT WRITE?

I don’t think celebrities intrinsically dislike talking about the art forms that they create but that is so often ... not what people on twitter or the general public talk to them about. With every tweet that says “I loved your performance tonight! I got so emotional when you started crying! I really felt it” there are 10 that just say “notice me” “you’re a fucking waste of space, go die” “i love you” “why don’t you spend more time with so and so” “You and so and so should get married!!!” “You treated her like shit in that episode, you’re a piece of trash” etc. etc. etc. There are so many more these where the first I thought of that I remember specifically having seen. It’s exhausting.

And at the end of the day, that persons job, the thing they are in the spotlight for, is often just one thing, like acting. So why do we think anything else is up for discussion? Or give them this great power outside of that? I get that their large following has power, but aren’t we kind of tired of letting people who got famous for writing song lyrics be the driving force behind nearly every prolitical/social movement? Why do we give them so much power over something that has nothing to do with the reason they are in the public eye to begin with?

Idk I go back and forth, I do think it’s important for people in positions of power or with large audiences to speak out for the underrepresented. But at a certain point, we need to stop listening to them, and start listening to the people who actually have the expertise and personal experience when it comes to stuff like that. We shouldn’t need an actor who played a gay character on tv at a Pride Parade to make us care about the LGBTQ+ community.

I dunno, maybe I’m getting off track here haha I just think the way we treat celebrities, especially in the age of social media, fundamentally, has really broad and negative consequences for society.

[purplesurveys]

725

Your name? Robyn. Age? Just turned 22. Ugh, I’ve finally reached the point where future ages – other than 30/40/50 etc – won’t be much of a milestone anymore. I can hear Monica Geller tell me, “welcome to the real world, it sucks.” Gender? Identify as female. Ethnic background? I usually just say Filipino to make it easier but technically I’m mostly Tagalog with a bit of Mangyan and Ilokano and I think Bulakeño? in me. What do you like the most about your ethnic background? It’s hard to find anything to be proud of from being Filipino sksksk I like our cuisine I guess? Especially the seafood?

The least? It’s not something I dislike directly about our own background, because what I like the least is the hundreds of years of colonization by four different nations that led to the near-complete wipeout of our native culture and the severe colonial effects that followed. The reason I find it so hard to rack my brain for stuff about our ‘ethnic background’ is because everything about it has already been penetrated by Spanish, English, Japanese, or American influence, even down to how well I can speak English right now. It’s almost impossible to look for something that’s ours. Who is your favorite golf player? I’ve never liked watching golf. Whats your favorite kind of gold? (White, Yellow, Rose, Traditional) Rose gold looks pretty. Would you rather wear turquoise pants or purple? Highkey would not wear either of these but if it came down to it, purple. Would you ever go on a jungle safari? I kind of already did. It was a lot of fun and I would rather keep going to safaris if I wanted to see wild animals as it’s a much lesser evil than zoos. If you saw a UFO what would you do? Hope my fingers are quick enough and immediately take a video. What color is your mailbox? We don’t have one. Mailmen just place it by the handle of our screen door. Are you taller than your Mom? No, I’m the smallest one in the family. Who is your meanest friend? I never really counted Patrice as a friend but she’s been the least nice acquaintance I remember having. Her attitude is actually the reason I hadn’t seen her as a friend, so that said I wouldn’t really be befriending anyone who I thought isn’t very nice. Have you ever thought about suicide? Yeah, well I’m not exactly the most mentally well person durrrr. I don’t think of it as often as I used to, but it’ll cross my mind more or less once a month. Have you ever broken a pinata? I’ve never had that experience before actually. I’ve only seen it in cartoons. Who loves Orange Soda? I don’t like soda, period. Where did you go the last time you used public transportation? I dunno if it counts because the jeep just goes around the campus hahaha but I took a jeep coming from CAL going to CMC, my home college. My dad accidentally drove the car I was gonna use that day so I had to book a Grab (our local Uber; also I can’t do public transpo for long distances hence the private car, heh) going to school, and then the campus jeeps to go from one class to another. If you were to start a band what would you name it? Never hire me to name stuff. Would you rather spend a year in the abyss or outer space? Outer space. It’s where I’ve always wanted to go anyway. I fear for my sanity if I wind up in the abyss. Do you know someone who has shot off a part of their own body? No but I know someone who had been shot (or stabbed? I can’t remember but he was attacked); it was my Kuya’s close friend. What TV shows stick out from your childhood? Mr. Bean, Pokemon, SpongeBob, Jimmy Neutron, Drake and Josh, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, That’s so Raven, to name a few. What is/was for dinner tonight? No idea yet. My dad usually whips something up at the last minute but it always turns out so so good. What’s really the best cure for a hangover? FRIED CHICKEN and I will die on this hill. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? Oooh I don’t think that’s been served to me before actually. I’m not opposed to trying them though cause broccoli’s my favorite vegetable. How many cavities do you have? I had a couple before but they’ve since been fixed at the dentist. Have you ever given money to a bum? Yes I always give them money ranging from ₱10 to ₱20, and biscuits if I have some in my bag, if they knock on my window. If you found 100 dollars on the floor of a church what would ya do with it? If I found it in a church I’d absolutely run the fuck away with the money lmao. Is your head a fun place to be in? I’m a bit of a workaholic and am always thinking about the next thing to accomplish, so tbh I imagine it looking like Spongebob’s brain HAHAHAHA as in exactly this shot

What is your favorite word? Poignant to me sounds and looks the way it means, which is so satisfying. Why is going to poop such a social taboo? We covered a bit of this in my anthropology class last semester and our prof shared a theory that says our body is in and of itself clean but once substances exit the body they’re seen as impure and already dirty - which is why we’ll have no problem talking about the circulatory system but many tend to faint if they cut their finger too much and see blood leaking out of them. Same explanation goes with poop, saliva, sweat, etc. I’m too lazy to check my notes if every bit of this is accurate, but the impure/dirty is the one I remember to be correct. Who is your worst enemy? Don’t really like the idea of enemies per se but after Marielle betrayed my trust twice I vowed to never speak with her again, and I never have. When was the last time you passed gas? I don’t like farting. If I feel one coming I suppress it on purpose. Do you eat raw hot dogs? No, that sounds so nasty. Do you ever speak out loud what you should be typing? Eh, sometimes and only if I’m by myself. It’s not a habit though. Do you own a squirt gun? We call them a water gun here but it used to be one of my favorite toys from childhood. I don’t own one anymore as I largely don’t need them. Do you like the Subway $5 footlong? I don’t really eat Subway. What is the last thing you ate with Marshmallow in it? Hate marshmallows. I always remove it if it had been added to the food I’m eating. Would you rather live in a shack on the beach or a mansion in Ohio? I love you beach, but I’m taking the damn mansion lol. Do you believe that zombies could really invade the Earth? I don’t think zombies could ever surface naturally but at some point in the distant future, when technology and human knowledge advance enough and if someone was ambitious enough to use such knowledge for the worse, I feel like some chemical or substance causing someone to become a zombie could be made. Idk, people have come up with crazy shit from science that were initially thought to be impossible so for me I’m not ruling out zombies or at least a milder version of them haha. If you were to buy a boat what would you name it? Margo, as an homage to Margo Martindale’s role from BoJack Horseman. Who is your internet provider? PLDT. What has the tv show two and a half men taught you? Nothing, because I’ve never watched an episode. What’s something you’re not supposed to be doing right now? Not thinking about my unfinished thesis. I should definitely be thinking about it right now lol. What’s hotter topless or pantless? A bit TMI considering the time ksksks but topless for me. What would you do if you found a four leaf clover? I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean (but I wanna say it means good luck?) so maybe I’ll just take a photo of it heh. Miami Dolphins or NY Jets? I don’t even know what sport these teams belong to. What is your favorite kind of instant popcorn? I don’t like popcorn, so it’s a pass for me. Do you pay attention to the expiration dates on food? Yeah I check on them quite often since I once had a terrible experience drinking spoiled milk; but I’ve also been told by my dad that the expiration dates don’t necessarily mean spoilage and molds and all that nasty crap, and that the date just means by when the product’s quality will slowly start to decrease, like if chips start to get tougher to chew or if a chocolate bar becomes less sweet. It’s a source of relief, but I’m still paranoid about expiration dates overall. What ringtone is on your phone? Just the ones Apple provides. What odd thing do you wish you were doing right now? Driving in circles around the village just to enjoy the outside world :( Are you a smoker? Socially. How do you feel about not being able to smoke in a lot of bars? I don’t mind it. I’m not desperate to smoke ever.

[nostalgiaispeace]

1811.

Have you ever had a computer virus before? yeah

Are you dependent upon anyone? yes

Are there any book characters you’d like to portray? sure.

Who did you last text? my sis

Is there anything on your bed right now? blankets and pillows

When was the last time you went to the grocery store? last week i think What way would you like to die when it’s your time? idk

What are you most afraid of in the world? losing people i love

Have you ever been caving? i’ve been in a cave

Do you do well in math related things? no

What is your favorite fruit? blueberrise

If you had to choose, which sibling would you live with? my sister

Do you have any tattoos? yeah

Are you planning on getting any in the near future? No.

When was your last date? valentines day

When did you get Facebook? 2008

Are any of your family members in jail? no

What was your first pet’s name? Ginger

Are you good when it comes to computer issues? i’m alright

Are there any people at your job who absolutely hates you? -

What was the last book you read? Catching Fire

Have you ever read any books in one day? yes

What was the last thing you bought? dvds

What are your plans for tomorrow? nothing

Is there any jewelry you wear constantly? yes

Are your fingernails painted at the moment? no

Do you prefer cool, warm or neutral colors? warm

Have you ever taken art classes? no

What’s the most boring movie you’ve ever seen? idk

Do you know how to work a cash register? yes

Fact or fiction novels? both

Have you ever suffered from depression? yes

Do you think you’re a clingy person? no

Do you enjoy kisses on the cheek? sure

Have you ever been in a physical fight before? no

How often would you say you disagree with your parents? often i’m sure

What color shirt did you wear yesterday? black

Do you have a job? If so, do you like it? no

Have you ever been called a slut before? yeah

What’s something you’ve been craving? mexican food

Have you ever slept with your window open? yes

Can you play violin? no

What was the last desert you had? chooclate

Have you ever had a wild animal as a pet? no

Do you know anyone you talk to on Facebook but won’t talk to in person? yes

What color are your mother’s eyes? hazel

Do you have a best friend? If so, how long have you been best friends? yes. one since we were 13 and one since 2010

Do you cry easily? yes

Have you ever been into a court room? yes

How many necklaces would you say you own? a few

Do you plan on being strict towards your children? yes

Do you own any tie-dye shirts? yes

What would you say is your favorite day of the week? i don’t have one

Do you ever wear lipstick? no

Do you own a pool? no

Do you have a Tumblr account? obviously

Would you say you’re overweight? i’m average

How many colors are in your hair? one

Do you flirt with a lot of people? no

How many bank accounts do you have? 1

Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? Probably.

How old are you? 29

Do you attend church regularly? i wish

Have you ever found a song that describes your whole life? probably

What time did you wake up this morning? 10am

What time do you plan on waking up tomorrow morning? i’m sleeping in

What kind of car do you drive? a chevy cruze

What kind of car would you like to have? 1967 chevy impala

Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? If so, what’s your favorite thing to eat from there? yeah. a burger

How old did you turn on your last birthday? 29

Ever felt like falling apart? yes

Have you ever been in an ambulance? yes

Do you tend to worry a lot? yes

How old were you when you lost your first tooth? 7 i think

Do you remember your first time on the internet? yes

Which website do you email from? yahoo

Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? yes

Do you get angry with people easily? lately yes

Do a lot of people dislike you or is it the other way around? people dislike me i’m sure

Have you ever had the flu? yes

What about strep throat? no

What would you say is the worst kind of emotional pain? um all kinda

Have you ever been to a psychologist? yes

What’s the worst part about school? waking up early

Do you normally have a lot of homework, if you’re still in school? -

When was your last vacation? idk

Would you ever consider going on a cruise? idk

What did you last buy from the store? food

Would you say you enjoy being single or in a relationship more? i mean i like being married so

Do you try to stay busy a lot? i suppose

What’s your favorite quote? "i am fucking crazy but i am free”

Do you lie a lot? no

Do you still act childish most of the time? probably

Did you ever enjoy gym class? no

What is your biggest insecurity? everything

Have you ever painted a room alone? no

Speaking of which, when did you last paint your room? when i was a teen

What does your favorite jacket / hoodie look like? it’s grey and my husbands lol

What’s for dinner tonight? we had mexican

Do you ever drink alcohol? yes

Have you ever had a terrible hangover? yes

Do you ever get migraines? no

Do you know how to garden? yeah

What was the last thing you plugged into an outlet? charger i’m sure

Do people consider you to be a funny person? i think so

Do you have any bad habits? well yeah

Do you like children? If not, why is this? yes

What is your favorite snack? string cheese

Do you own any gaming systems? yes

How old were your parents when they had you? my mom was 29. i think my dad was 25

Is there a big age difference between you and the person you like? just 5 years

Do you trashtalk people a lot? yeah lol

What is the most amusing thing on the internet, in your opinion? "woke” teens

Does the future excite you or scare you? scares me

Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? no

Do you try to spend a lot of time with family? no

How often do you shower? i try to every day

What would you say is your favorite genre of music? metal

Do you need to clean your bedroom? yeah

What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life? idk

Do you enjoy Chinese food? yeah

Do you smile a lot? not really

What is your favorite movie from the nineties? Titanic

Which decade were you born in? 90s

Are you good at giving advice to people? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually do it.

How many huge secrets do you have? a few

How many people know these secrets? a few

How many times a day do you brush your teeth? twice

Do you ever floss? yes

Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? yes

Ever considered suicide? If so, did you try to commit suicide? yes and yes but you shouldn’t ask people this.

Is there anyone out there who makes you feel completely useless? yes

Do you like texting or calling people more? depends

What’s your favorite band? flyleaf

Do you have a lot of friends? no

Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? no

Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? either is fine

When did you last babysit, if ever? when i was a teen

Do you have any younger siblings? yes

Have you ever thought of someone as useless? idk

Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? yes

Do you drink vitamin water? no

Do you ever straighten your hair? yeah

What’s the best way to end a conversation? idk

Are there any old movies you absolutely love? yes

Have you ever had a Big Mac before? yes

Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? no

Where is your favorite place to travel? idk

What is your goal for the next few months? stay alive

Can you count to ten in another language other than your own? no

Do you own a lot of shoes? no

What is your favorite season and why? spring because the weather

Does photography interest you at all? naw

Have you ever played on a sports team before? If you have, what was that sport and when? yes when i was a kid i played baseball

Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? no

Do you think you’re a good singer? yes

Would you rather wear jeans or sweatpants? sweats

Do you think you have a good sense of style? no

Do you enjoy reading often? yes

Have you ever had a deadly illness? no

Ever had food-poisoning before? yes

Where did you last eat dinner at? my house

Have you ever shot a gun before? yes

[nerdygaymormon]

Maybe you've answered this before, but why don't you just leave your church? Doesn't it bother you being part of something that rejects you? Don't you want love? I don't understand why gay people ever stay in that church.

I get these questions from time to time. Never sure what to make of them. I get that it’s unusual for a gay guy my age to still be part of church. I hope part of this is they like me and want me to be happier. But it also feels like they are looking down on me, idk.

I don’t have a short, simple answer, so strap in, it’s going to be a long ride.

1)   I was a teenager in the 1980’s. It is hard to be gay now, but it was so bad back then. Being gay was shameful. The 80′s was the AIDS crisis, so mostly what I heard about being gay was death. There were no legal protections, society was against us. Actively hostile, bigoted statements were common. My own dad told homophobic jokes to big laughs. Coming out looked like I’d be condemning myself to a terrible life and strip all the good things from me.

Also, with no role models, I was having to work through what it means to be gay. I also did manage to get ahold of a gay porn magazine (this is long before internet was a thing). I was crazy to think I could hide it. I shared a room with three brothers so no privacy. Despite my denials, my parents knew this was mine and they were so upset. My dad now tells me he wishes he sent me to conversion therapy once he learned I had this magazine. Can you imagine?

2)   I grew up believing in this church, which included the terrible things taught about me as a gay person. At age 19 when my bishop challenged me to pray about going on a mission, I instead prayed to know if God could possibly love me (which is really sad that a kid could grow up in church and not know that). I felt love radiate across my body as a voice in my ear said “You are not broken.” That experience sustained me for a long time

3)   I went on a mission in the 1990’s. If you haven’t been on a mission, it’s probably a surprise that it can be a relief. There’s no pressure to date. I could form close bonds with other men, and even though these are non-romantic relationships, they are intensely close.

4)   I was still in the closet when I went to the church schools in Rexburg & Provo. At the end of my first semester, my roommate came on to me and let me feel him up and stuff. I went to sleep thinking maybe the two of us could leave the church, transfer to a different school, say goodbye to my family and we could have a life together. It would be a huge sacrifice for both of us and I thought he felt the same, but the next morning he turned me in to our bishop. I thought I was going to get kicked out of school, be sent home in disgrace, maybe disciplined out of the church, but instead I was put on probation and had to stay the summer in Rexburg. I was heartbroken and swore off love and focused on school. At the end of the summer, to my surprise the bishop made me the elders quorum president.  

That first roommate, we were best friends. He is Bi and decided a life with a woman would be easier, and considering it was the 1990′s, he was correct. He left school a few days later, met a woman and got married. I hate how he ended things, but I don’t blame him for the future he chose for his life.

5)   BYU in Provo was my backup school, and reluctantly it’s where I transferred to. It turned out that I genuinely liked BYU with 2 exceptions, the severe restrictions the Honor Code placed on LGBT students (which was the same as at the Rexburg campus), and the fierceness with which the Honor Code Office sought to enforce those restrictions. Occasionally I’d hear rumors of sting operations they had done to catch gay students. There was this low-level fear always of getting caught whilst a student in Provo. My roommates also expressed their dislike of anything remotely gay. Even though I kept the rules, I didn’t dare tell anyone that I’m gay because the potential cost was high.

While at BYU I had a major faith crisis. I no longer believed a lot of the truth claims of the church, but I wasn’t about to lose all that tuition money. I stuck it out. So not only was I pretending to be straight, I also had to act as though nothing about church bothered me.

6)   The same voice that told me I am not broken would occasionally tell me that it’s okay to pursue relationships. It gave me great hope. I still get that message. Being a good Mormon, I thought this meant that somehow God was going to change the church. In the temple I’d hear that it’s not good for man to be alone and the law of chastity was presented in a way that could include me if I was married to a husband (the temple says no sex except “with your husband or wife to whom you’re legally and lawfully wedded”).

7)   After BYU, I should have come out and gotten on with life, but I didn’t. My first job was working for a Mormon boss. A landlord who is LDS gave me a deal on rent. Coming out seemed like it would disrupt my life in really negative ways. Plus YSA Wards were a source of friends and support network.

8)   In my 30’s I was no longer in YSA wards, and the world was getting better for gay people. The fight for gay marriage was in full swing, and so many of the people in my life were very opposed to it. It bothered me that the church was so opposed and fought gay marriage because in my head, it was a way for me to follow God’s promptings and pursue a relationship.

Being a Mormon is very much an identity. It’s hard to peel off. It’s my social network, it’s what much of family life revolves around, It’s a belief system and way of viewing the world. it’s a map of what one’s goals in life should be, and so on. Staying in the closet kept the rest of my world intact.

I know you’re thinking wtf, you’re a grown man, own your life!!! I grew up in an unstable family situation (we had many financial troubles and moved frequently), so I crave stability. Remaining in the closet and in the church were keys to maintaining that stability.

9)   Squashing all my romantic and sexual feelings also shuts down most other feelings. I spent most of my 20’s & 30’s feeling numb, like I was watching life but not a part of it. I spent those years wishing I was dead, that a bus would hit me or a major disease would strike. Those kinds of deaths would end my misery and also be okay for my family because they wouldn’t have to know I’m gay. I recognize now how messed up that is.

10)   The great source of happiness in those years was being an uncle. I’m the oldest of 7 children, my siblings had lots of babies born in those years. The joys of being an uncle only increased the pressure to stay in the closet and in the church because if I didn’t, my only source of happiness might be taken away.

11)   I finally reached the point where I was tired of going through the motions of having a life. I was ready to come out. Rather than make some grand announcement, I decided to be honest with anyone who asked about my life. When someone tried to set me up with their friend, I would ask if she had a brother. As these sorts of situations came up, I was coming out to people one by one.

I didn’t exactly “come out” to my family. I figured since my parents had found the gay porn mag when I was a teen, and then gay porn malware on the computer when I was college student, they probably already knew (and they did, but were in denial). Also, I thought coming out would be saying I’m not trustworthy and an awful person for having pretended to be something I wasn’t for so long (not true, but that’s how I thought of it).

12)   I’m such a late bloomer that I sometimes am embarrassed about it, especially now that so many people come out in their 20′s and even as teenagers. At the first Pride parade I attended, someone told me that we all come out when it’s right for us, and this was my time. I think that’s true.

13)   Most of my adult life in church was being pianist in Primary. Shortly after I started telling people I’m gay is when I was called to be in the stake young men presidency. My stake president says he looked over at me playing piano one day and thought, “that man has much more to offer.” I wonder if it’s because I was more confident, my identities were less in conflict than they’d been in the past, I wasn’t afraid and hiding.

As stake young men president, I made sure I knew by name and something about every youth in the stake. I wanted them to know they were seen, they were heard, they were loved. Teens go through such hard things and I wanted to be a kind, supportive person in their life. Most youth don’t know who the stake youth leaders are, but they all knew me. Several told me about hard things in their life and some even came out to me. Parents of gay teens would come speak to me and I’d let them know life in church is hard and unfair, ways they could help support their teen, and prepared them that their child’s likely path would be out of the church. I felt like I bloomed in this calling and made a difference.

14)   In 2015 marriage became legal for same-sex couples across the USA due to a Supreme Court ruling. I thought that finally the church would have to come to terms with it and accept it. But then came the November policy banning the children of gay couples from being members. It felt like a punch in the gut and I nearly walked away. I was still stake young men president and weighed whether the difference I made in this calling was worth putting up with how church clearly didn’t want me. 

15)   To help my parents buy a house, I had a bunch of their debt put into my name and I lived in the house with them. At the time it seemed a good way to avoid the loneliness of being on my own. But living with them also made walking away from the church tricky.

16)   A month later I hit the 3-year mark of serving in the stake young men’s program, I was released from that and called to be stake executive secretary. My stake president told me that anyone can make appointments, but he wanted my unique viewpoint in all the highest councils of the stake. In this calling I occasionally meet general authorities and I speak with them about being gay in the church. My stake President recently joked that he has twice been a counselor in a stake presidency and now is a stake president, and in those years he’s met many general authorities, yet I have way more impact on them than he ever has.

17)   Shortly after getting this new calling, in 2016 I started my tumblr blog. Eventually I used the blog as a way to examine, explore and record what it’s like to be gay in the LDS church. In some ways this blog is one giant pep talk to myself.

18)   In 2017 my blog exploded, one of my posts went viral. It’s almost like God got tired of waiting on me, now I was out to everyone who knows me, and many more.

All of a sudden I had so many hurting Mormon LGBT people contacting me, most were teens and twenty-something’s. I’ve tried to help them, to affirm them. In many ways it feels like the years as stake young men president working with teens, the years I spent developing a spiritual independence, the studying & thinking about how being gay can work with the gospel, the fears & worries that are part of being in the closet, all of that prepared me for this.

19)   Later in 2017 my mental health dived. I became suicidal. I started therapy. I finally had to face how harmed I’ve been by my time in church. I also had to admit I will never be enough in this church, I can never reach the goals & purpose of life as laid out by the church,. My therapist helped me see that I need another framework for what a successful life looks like and what would make for a joyful life.

In 2018 I was still in therapy and was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, which partly explains why coming out and leaving the church were so difficult. The major driving motivation of this disorder is wanting to not disappoint people.

20)   My therapist says I feel things more deeply than most people, but because I’d pushed down my feelings so long, it’s actually a bit scary to feel so much. I also started dating and trying to get gay friends. These sorts of big changes were hard for me. The psychologist said, in an amused tone, that I fully examine a path before I’m willing to take a step down it, meaning I’m cautious and slow to get going, but am certain when I begin of where I’m going.

21)   Some of my family openly embraces me as gay and loves me no matter what. Some make their love and access to their children conditional on my being in church.

22)   I thought 2018 would be the year I leave the church. There’s a personal reason I haven’t; I feel there’s one more thing to do, a friend whom I can help. That I came ahead to pave the way for this friend.

I know this all sounds crazy, talking about a voice telling me it’s okay to have gay relationships or that I have some missions in life to accomplish. That’s part of faith, I guess.

23)   It’s unfair to say I’m still attending church for my friend. First, I don’t want him to feel any pressure. Second, it’s my decision, not his. I also am working on paying off debt so I can more easily live on my own, I’ve joined Affirmation and met a lot of LGBT Mormons/post-Mormons and feel like there’s something of a potential support group/friendships there. I’m thinking of changing jobs, even moving to a different university. In other words, I’m laying the groundwork to make any shift more smooth. Whether I take a breather from church or not, these are good things to do.

24)   I’m in my 40′s and can see that in some important ways I’ve lived a stunted life. But I’m also able to use my voice to speak up for LGBT individuals inside the church, to try to make this little corner of church kinder and more receptive.

25)   I can’t even imagine what you’re thinking of me. A hypocrite, someone who stays with an organization that contributed to my own mental health crisis. Someone too afraid to live. I can’t undo my past and all that lost time. I’ve made a lot of progress and am moving forward. I also believe and hope that things I share on this blog and things I say in my local church help LGBT members.

Maybe you can understand, maybe you can’t, why my life went so differently from yours. I’m certain you won’t agree with a number of decisions I made, but they were mine to make and they explain where I’m at now.

[nr0r]

I am literally copying and pasting from Discord heck

You ever just wake up and get a lot of stuff to write down so you jump on that immediately before sleeping again? Like, jump on your computer to type it easier and all that? yeah. ok so I'm gonna honestly sit and hammer out why ZaDr is so shipped, despite the controversial status. Maybe put some logic/reasoning on this extremely old ship, prolly post this up on Tumblr or Twitter. Cause I'm extra about yesterday, and want to at least give people some form of clarity, cause that's nice to have. Ok uh. aHEM ANYWAY blabbing away aside:

ZaDr is extremely popular, and the biggest thing I hear most outta people other than moral out cries of 'age disputes' (we don't know ZIM's real age at all, and it's very possible he very well could still be a kid. There's stuff that supports this, but I'm not here to post my proofs for my very vanilla 'ZIM is actually a kid' AU. Maybe some other time. Whatever, moving on) and 'they hate each other/are enemies disputes' (enemies -> friends, as well as enemies -> romance is an age old trope and everywhere. Seriously. This is in every fandom just about and is inescapable. It even happens in canon in a lot of them.) So here's some clarity on why this gets shipped to hell and back:

The two have a LOT of common, in fact, a LOT more than the rest of the cast do. Their chemistry is prime for shipping compared to everyone else, despite the 'moral issues': -ZIM and Dib are both EXTREMELY passion/overly zealous about their goals, ambitions and beliefs to the point of ludicrousy and mockery. -People don't believe them and do not believe in them. At all. -They crave acceptance in their beliefs and ability to succeed in their goals. -They also crave acceptance/being commended/acknowledged by their superiors, who regularly put them down/mock them over their goals/ambitions/beliefs -They are so so so stubborn about this, despite the clear odds stacked against them -Both have no friends. Both are incredibly lonely and can only, realistically, confide in each other at this point. This has even happened in canon, tho that episode was never finished and aired (Mopiness of Doom) -This is the only ship with an episode like Mopiness of Doom -They fuel each other's ambitions and would be nothing without each other

These are the primary reasons why this gets shipped like crazy. Other ships exist, and boy howdy do I ship some of them too as I am shipping trash, but I'm willing to admit and accept there's very little in the way of 'proof' or chemistry for them. Some ships I ship that have no hope compared to ZaDr honestly:

RaZr: -A common trope. SuperiorxUnderling. But they got nothing going really -Seriously. RED fucking hates ZIM, and while this argument is used against ZaDr, Mopiness still happened. -RED actually regularly tries to get ZIM killed. Same with PURPLE. Both sent him to a part of the universe they thought would yield nothing in the hopes of ZIM dying off from the long travel/never returning/getting lost -All they have going for them is: 1. That trope and 2. They uh grew up together -ZIM will probably someday kill him and PURPLE tbh

TaGr. This is a VERY popular ship... but like: -What... what have they done together in screen time -Or transcripts -Or comics? -No seriously. What? Hardly anything at all. People just ship them cause they're both grumpy and girls tbh.

RaPr is ACTUALLY the only other ship that's very viable and has canon support that I can think of: -I don't have to explain this  -Just look at them -They're like. Married, dude! -MARRIED!!!

Gonna get into ships that I see are done to spite ZaDr, which... makes no... sense...Like... why do people ship ships to spite other ships...It's like me going up to a buffet of cakes, seeing people eating chocolate cakes mostly so I pick vanilla just to spite the chocolate cake fans and I'm all " -ZIM LAUGHTER- FOOLS!!! YOU INSOLENT EARTH-PIGS!!!! COWER AND TREMBLE AND CRY FOR I HAVE CHOSEN CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" like... what are they seriously gonna do....? Drop their cake and cry? No dude they're gonna keep eating lmao

anyway. anyway. salt aside, let's get into this:

GaDr (Gretchen and Dib romance): -Why? -They never... really... maybe a couple times in the comics and once in the show. But that's literally it. -All the people I have personally interacted with who ship this ship proudly proclaim it's to spite ZaDr like. Good for you?  -Like dawg it's ok if Shadow is my favorite Sonic character man. You don't... you don't gotta stan Cream the Rabbit just because so many people stan Shadow the Hedgehog. Like it's ok. It's ok. It's ok.

ZaSr (ZIM and Skoodge romance): -I actually enjoy this ship. It can be done cutely, but like... -Dawg, ZIM is AWFUL to Skoodge -Fucks him over -Mocks him -Nearly gets him killed a number of times -They got nothing going for them other than being short, being unfortunate and the same species

ZaTr: -The only straight ship I ship lmao -Ummmm -Again. Why. A lot of these 'spite ships' actually contain the problems people complain about most, but ignore in spite ships or when TAK is in the equation (DaTr) which I don't get, but like hey, I said what I needed to earlier already. -No seriously, WHY? I don't... because... enemies->romance, right? They just don't have enough material. It would be like if ZIM and Dib only had Nightmare Begins are their material, and that's it. If that were so, I too would be saying WHY?

I think this concludes my brain vomit, and I can finally get back to bed, but yeah idk. 

Disclaimer: It is fine to like ships, it is fine to dislike ships, but don't be a bully over it. I've seen tireless arguments against ZaDr that are honestly? Easily broken down through a couple google searches. This doesn't invalidate disliking something, but this doesn't mean it's 'right' either. All in all, we're all watching IZ 'wrong' by shipping these characters. Hell, we're watching it 'wrong' by even liking them enough or thinking any of them are cute. Seriously. At the end of the day, Jhonen hates how we're all going about fandom participation, and practically has since day one, even if there was nothing shipped ever (which is impossible tbh.) That's why he stirs the pot. That's why he likes to make crude/random statements just to get easy people riled up, and that's classic 'don't take the bait/feed the trolls' internet 101 at play.

And double Disclaimer: You simply cannot make noise against ZaDr over the joke of ZIM being ‘OLT AF’, and then continue on with TaGr and DaTr. You just cannot. You also cannot make noise against ZaDr for ‘moral’ reasons and then ignore... DaGr (Dib and Gaz). Seriously. That one has absolutely no fucking defense. None. That’s disgusting, that’s incest, that’s sick, that’s   I’m getting off topic but. Still bro.

[kyotosummer]

I can see it now. In the future. People will say Akito Souma is trans. And I'm here feeling a headache over that assessment of Akito is trans.

I had to think about this for a bit before answering. Sorry, but both my love of in-world cartoon conspiracy theories/headcanons & my dislike of combining people into one giant label make me the worst person to start fandom drama with questions like this.

Here’s the thing, I can tell you right now there will be 3 (maybe 4) people in the series we’re going to hear trans theories for:

1) Ritsu

2) Akito

3) Yuki

4) (Maybe) Ayame

And that’s fine. People are allowed to have their head canons & if I’m searching through the tag & see a post that goes “Yuki from Fruits Basket is a transman I don’t make the rules.” I can scroll past that easily. That stuff is fine.

It’s the posts that say the show is garbage because no one is actually trans (except maybe Ritsu- idk I feel like that one’s the most compelling argument) or winds up in a same-sex relationship that I’m going to block people for. Similar to Miraculous Ladybug- I don’t care if people make posts w/ Marinette’s hair & eye-color changed or have theories about Adrien being trans. I start blocking people who go into the tag to talk about how the writing & writers are shit for one reason or another and froth at the mouth when their ship doesn’t become canon. I also do the same thing for Star vs The Forces of Evil (you’re not escaping the Marco is trans theories in that fandom. You can only let people have fun & block when someone takes things a step too far- like insulting the creators or something).

I think, however, at the end of the day, the largest issue isn’t going to be the trans theories. People like to have fun with headcanons for shows they like & if they want to believe Akito’s trans, then sure. I’m not gonna stop anyone. For me the greater concern is going to be the age-gap relationships:

Akito & Shigure

Kyoko & Katsuya

Arisa & Kureno

Saki & Kyo’s foster dad (is a gag- they’re just fucking w/ Kyo & it does not become canon)

Akito & Shigure will be the triggers for this, because that relationship is very toxic, but I think Kyoko & Katsuya will be the larger target for someone starting drama because A) Katsuya was her teacher(‘s aid? Idr) & B) the relationship is seen as mostly positive (until Kyoto’s breakdown). Because Akito x Shigure are KNOWN as a fucked up couple, trolls will get more attention from stans if they target the healthier pairings. These are the people I’m going to look for & block.

Look, this series came out when I was in high school & was my first introduction to fandoms, ever. I literally wore a Kyo beanie during the winter & made collages of cutouts from magazines & pics I printed from the internet. It was my first (and last) RP experience, and it brought me into an amazing group on Gaia who I had so much fun with finding translations for chapter updates & theorizing where the story would go. They were also the group who set me aside as an internet newbie & explained to me why I can’t just take translations from someone else’s website and how to properly share the information while being respectful. Most other communities would have shunned me out for not knowing these things immediately, but that group actually worked with me so I could still participate, and I will always be grateful.

So I’m not going to be hypocritical & tell someone HOW they should enjoy this series. If someone wants to believe a character is trans or gay, they should have that freedom. However, I’m not going to give trolls trying to police what is or isn’t considered acceptable media the time of day. If you don’t like the series then keep moving. You’re not going to change my mind on this.

[kkojin-blog]

lord of the flies | mock trials

hi everyone!! i played jack merridew in my senior year mock trial, and i had a really hard time figuring out how to answer anything because there is literally no sources on the internet to even slightly help jack defend himself. there is a few, yes, but they’re mostly written by sixth graders or the opposition, so i decided to help all the jack merridews and the defence team lawyers of the world by posting everything i wrote, answered and behaved as jack. i should probably announce right away that my team did not win the mock trial, but that was because the character witnesses we had besides me were not prepared to be cross-examined, so this is also a friendly reminder to tell your buddies to pick up their slack!! jack can’t do it by himself.

Direct examination:

1) Summarize your childhood.

I was born to a rich family who often spoiled me with materialistic luxuries, and sent me to a PEDAGOGIC education facility on top of the additive tutoring classes, however, due to my diligence in my work, I did not have a single friend, as a friend would have “tainted the teaching” as my mother used to state- i did not have much of a social life, at least until i became leader of choir.

2) Why did you leave Ralph’s tribe?

I left Ralph’s tribe because his way of leadership wasn’t fun at the time.

(rules (make this! make that! collect fruit!, meetings.)

3) What was it like under Ralph’s leadership?

Ralph was rather drab as he listened to mostly piggy’s ideas. (conch, uhh, rules, uhh, can i get a number 15, burger king foot lettuce

4) What happened on the night of Simon’s death?

At the start we had prepared meat to be eaten. I supplied even Ralph himself with meat. Nobody objected the meal, except probably andrew, and after the feast we did our dance and we saw a dark figure moving in the bushes. Alarmed, we attacked. Afterwards, we found it was Simon.

5) Why did you become chief?

I became chief because the lifestyle I offered was more appealing to the boys than Ralph’s. No prepubescent boy wants to spend his time lugging around materials for huts or picking coconuts off trees.

6) What was it like when you arrived to the island?

It was unUSUAL, like it would be, for any one of the boys. I doubt anyone wanted to crash-land onto some mysterious island. ← this is a really weak answer idk

7) How did you start to feel after spending some time on the island?

I felt better about the situation. It was clear that we needed someone to lead, so I offered to do so.

8) Can you tell us about the events leading up to Piggy’s death?

We had taken piggy’s glasses because we needed them to start a cooking fire to feed the tribe. Afterwards, Ralph’s group came to come get them back. After some heated conversation, Roger got too riled up and triggered the lever that fell onto Piggy and the conch.

9) How did you adjust after you returned back to civilization?

(something along the lines of: when i got back to civilization, the presence of adults and rules led me to return to my civilized self)

I did go to an approved school, after I saw the contrast of myself at home and on the island, which I did continue until I was a young man. After the island, I can safely say that I did return to my old self. (say that without the governing of laws or adults we had all descend into savagery?)

( it helps so so much to memorize your affidavit. ) 

Affidavit:

SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED KINGDOM

LONDON, ENGLAND

GREAT BRITAIN            )

                                      )

          Plaintiff,               )

                                      )

vs.                                  )

                                      )

JACK MERRIDEW,        )

                                      )

           Defendant.         )

_____________________)

For a verdict of Innocence

Hello, my name is one I’m sure you’re all familiar with; Jack Merridew. I am the accused of this case, for which brings me to a type of desolation but which I acknowledge fully. For the purpose of the court, I have been asked to prepare a small insight into my life, prior to arriving on the island, and after the incidents that befell upon all of us.

I’ll begin as early as my memory allows; I was a promising child, born to a affluent family. My parents were good to me, and I had a sheltered childhood where I did not have much chance to experience the outside world; they carried me into my adolescence, for which I respect them deeply. I always did well in school, attended tutoring classes to refine my skills, most of which required me to be very focused, which broadened my book smarts, but restricted crucial knowledge of basic human behaviour. And most importantly; I always got high grades in choir, which eventually found me to become the leader of the school choir. I had to order the other boys to do tasks often, which was quite a different experience than I was used to, and I figured I was good at it after some time.

Naturally, when we arrived on the island, due to the fact I had already had experience leading, which Ralph did not, I felt it was necessary to appoint me as the group’s leader. I felt unsettled when I did not originally gain power, because I then believed I had all the traits necessary of a leader. Arguably, when I did obtain leadership, I was a leader of questionable practices. Perhaps this was because I was so used to the laws and order of the society I had been groomed into that I became overwhelmed when I suddenly had to create my own. On the island, we were forced to take actions in our own hands, and make decisions for the group instead of the individual, which sometimes doesn’t parallel with what’s ethical. After my experience on the island, I pleaded my parents to send me to an approved school so I could forget the island in sort of skewed way, to which I attended until I was a young adult. Now I exist as a quiet young teacher, working in the same area I had grown up in-- London, that is-- I teach history and also instruct a single after school music class. As I aged, I felt a growing sense of remorse towards those wronged on the island, but not once did I ever feel as if I was indebted to them nor their families.

In my experience leading the boys of the island, I had to experience many tragedies that I feel sorrowful towards but not liable for... I am mainly being blamed for the situations because of my position of power over the other boys, which I understand. As an eyewitness of the events that came upon the island, I feel responsibility to give my truth to the story.

During my time on the island, I was subjected to many unfamiliar situations. for instance, the death of the child with the mulberry birthmark, the first tragedy to come about. The child died, presumably from the fire that had accidentally devastated a small part of the island while we attempted to make signal fire. This is where my questions arose for the usefulness of the signal fire that Ralph pushed so insistently began.

The second death was Simon’s. Simon’s passing was the result of ignorance on our parts. We believed he was the beast, we had limited vision due to the darkness of night and Simon was crawling through the bush, where we could not possibly see. Simon’s death, although a terrible occurrence, was not murder; we simply had no idea. Finally, the death of Piggy heeds a similar answer; we hadn’t the simplest clue that he was to die, as Roger pulled the lever and Piggy, without his specs, could not spot the boulder in time to move out of the way. Although we had nicked Piggy’s specs, We had no idea that this would have been the cause of his untimely demise, therefore I cannot claim responsibility for something that was not my doing.

Character Sketch:

Parent’s names:

Mother (Anne Taylor Merridew, maiden name Millar)

Father (William Merridew)

School attended prior to the island : Westminster Abbey Choir School (London)

School attended post-island : St Peter’s school (York)

Age on the island: 14

Age now: 24

Past residence: Monck street, house no. 12

Current: Tufton street, house no. 102

I am playing Jack Merridew, a fictional main character from Lord of the Flies. In the novel, Jack is portrayed as a very hard-headed, aggressive young leader with a lot of spite built up in him for Ralph and some of the other boys on the island. He preys on weakness, and dislikes societal order. For my own entertainment purposes, I have distinctly chosen Jack to hide this side of him and have the appearance of a very reasonable, calm man who wants nothing but resolve between himself and the families that feel wronged by him.

I intend to play Jack to have very indifferent behaviour. I’ll make it so that Jack appears to be very analytical and calculating, conscious of his own actions, but on the inside he actually doesn’t care that much for the deaths of the two boys, because they are seen as an irrelevance to him, especially since he doesn’t think their deaths were caused by him. Jack will be quite sure of himself, but not cocky, as he wants to appear as if he’s had a huge humbling from the island, although he perhaps really hasn’t changed that much, aside from being more discreet about his callous ways.

Jack will have some quirks, like blinking when he is faced with a question that he knows he can answer perfectly, and he will have a tendency to smile and stare directly at those prosecuting him to show his confidence, especially if they’re asking him a question he doesn’t think he can answer, so he doesn’t show his nervousness. Jack, deep-down, may have more insecurities than the other boys. He needs reassurance and safety, and without it he feels like he’s walking blind.

pointers:

+ be vague in your answering, but not too vague. the only thing they could object to during my cross-examination was my contempt of court, e.g: dancing around the subject, not answering and adding a bunch of random things to the answer, like; “it was a beautiful day, the sun was out--” i’m a writer so i had to try really hard not to do this.

+ do not show nervousness. it’s really hard to be confident on the stand, but you should try your best. there is usually a reason that the teacher chooses you to be jack!

+ at the end of the day, remember that this is just a class project. i probably had ten million panic attacks the days leading up to the mock trial, and that’s not ok. if you need someone to give you peace of mind, my message box is open!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #244

“you could stand me up at the gates of hell, but i won’t back down.”

What accent do you find most difficult to understand? Heavy southern. Has your music taste changed over the years? Not very. I do like more indie stuff now than I used to, though. What movie never fails to make you cry? The Notebook. What movies do you think need a sequel? Hm... I'm sure there's plenty, but they're evading me for now. Let's see... yeah idk. Do you have to see it to believe it? I mean it depends; see what exactly? But in general, yeah. I believe in spirits, maybe even auras, stuff like that. What was the last thing you bought for yourself? Food. Do you like 3D movies? Yeah, they're cool. Have you ever had breakfast in bed? Not the "my partner brought me food and it's romantic" type of way; I've just eaten breakfast food in bed. Have you ever practiced kissing on a stuffed animal? No, that's always been. p wild to me. Do you still talk to your childhood friends? A few. True/False: You live with your parents. Just one. At the dinner table do you always sit in the same chair? We rarely eat at the table, but generally, yes. Is your signature legible? I think so. Have you met any bands/singers? No. Have you ever witnessed a miracle? No. Do you know someone that looks better as they age? *shrugs* Do you know the order of the colors of the rainbow? Yes. Do you sometimes wish you were the opposite gender? No. Have you ever kissed a picture? of who? I don’t think so. Did/do you distract your teachers to get them to tell you stories? I didn't really speak in class unless I was pretty sure I had the answer to a question or had a serious question myself. Who makes you feel like you’re worth something? My mom, more than anyone. Do you remember a lot of your childhood? Yeah. I have a crazy vivid long-term memory. How many pets is too many? Depends on available space as well as what you can afford to care for sufficiently. Do you stare at dead people in a movie to see if you can catch them moving? lol no. Does your hand fit inside a Pringles container? Probably. I can curl my thumb really inward to make space. Do you know who your maid of honor/best man will be? Sara, unless I end up marrying her lmao. In that case, it'd be Mom. If you had the opportunity to be famous, would you take it? I don't like the term "famous" for me personally, but rather "well-known" for a photographer. What is your favorite healthy snack? Strawberries, I guess? What is the best song by your favorite artist/band? I HAVE TO???????? PICK???????????? Oh jeez. At least right now, "Time" is one that I hold incredibly close to my heart and usually brings me to tears because it reminds me of Teddy. It's just a beautiful song. I'd say overall, probably "Trap Door." It's cool as hell. How many times did your phone ring today? None. What theme do you want for your wedding? Halloween/fall-ish. How much do you spend a month on make-up? Nothing. Do you have any of your future children’s names picked out? I don't want kids, but if I did, Alessandra Quinn is the girl and my spouse cannot argue, and I'd love Damien Vance or Damien Victor for a boy. What was your favorite childhood meal? Spaghetti. Would you ever date someone over the internet? I don't *think* I'd do it again, no, unless it was Sara and we were actually making arrangements to move in together ASAP. Do you find it hard to believe that a dinosaur was once right where you are? No, but rather cool as hell. What is your favorite part of the movie “The Lion King”? The intro (up to where the title pops up, not just NAAAAAAAAAAAAASEBENYAAAAAAAAAAA). It's just... magical. I, without fail, get goosebumps all over and smile. Do you have any bug bites atm? No. Do you knock before entering someone’s room? Yeah. What was the last thing you shot in the garbage? Like, shot as a basketball? Probably just paper or something. Would you freak out if you saw a spider crawling on you right now? Fuck yes I would. Who did you last call beautiful? Venus, my snake. Have you ever used a tanning bed? Nooooooo. Do you think people will eventually stop believing in God? Oh, absolutely not. The belief in some sort of higher power has evolved since the dawn of civilization, so why would it stop? Do you and your best friend have the same favorite band? No. Do you prefer watching movies or playing video games? Vidya games. Have you ever been go-cart racing? Ha ha yeah, fun. Up in NY with my cousins. How many jobs have you had in your life? Three. Does your shower have a door or curtains? Two curtains. Do you have any posters of your favorite band on your walls? Metallica and Manson, yeah. Are you good at remembering names? NOOOOOOOO. Have you been outside today? No. Have you ever walked the opposite direction on an escalator? No. When making pancakes, do you try to make cool shapes/pictures? No. Do you use your hand when you’re explaining something? Oh yeah. Do you play a lot of video games? Not anymore, really. I would, but I can't afford a new console. I want a PS4 super badly (hell, even a PS3) to play new games, especially ones I haven't seen let's plays of. You can only replay a game so many times before you get bored, y'know? The only game I play regularly is WoW and that's because it has like... endless content to do. Who is your favorite Disney princess? Probably Jasmine. What word do you hate that people use often? (yolo, derp..) None off the top of my head. I just don't care. When was the last time you had hiccups? Idr. Have you ever thrown up from drinking too much alcohol? No. Do you ever buy the same piece of clothing, just in different colors? No. What is the last movie you saw in a theater? The live action The Lion King, I think. How many bank accounts do you have? I don't think I even have one... I know Mom was talking about opening me up one, but like, why. I don't make an income. Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? Oh sure. Do you attend church regularly? I never go. Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? Good. Shit. They have THE best chocolate milkshakes. Do you tend to worry a lot? Only always! How old were you when you lost your first tooth? Idr. Do you remember your first time on the internet? Not really, no. Which website do you email from? Hotmail. Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? Yeah. Do a lot of people dislike you or is it the other way around? Idk. Have you ever had the flu? No, knock on wood. What about strep throat? Yeah. Would you ever consider going on a cruise? No. What is your biggest insecurity? My more "different" interests/hobbies. Have you ever painted a room alone? No. Speaking of which, when did you last paint your room? Never. Have you ever had a terrible hangover? No. Do you ever get migraines? Rarely. Do you know how to garden? I mean, I could put it together... What was the last thing you plugged into an outlet? A phone charger. Do people consider you to be a funny person? I don't know. Do you like children? No. If not, why is this? I'm just... uncomfortable and feel like I'm playing with slime against my will or some shit any time I'm in their presence. I don't like how they stare, I don't like how rude they can be, I hate how demanding they are of attention (YES, I am aware that is healthy behavior for the baby of a social species, I just can't provide it), they ask too many questions... I have a lot of reasons I don't like them. Is there a big age difference between you and the person you like? No. What is the most amusing thing on the internet, in your opinion? YouTube, I guess? Does the future excite you or scare you? Both. What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life? I don't want to think on this. How many huge secrets do you have? I don't know about *huge* secrets... How many people know these secrets? ^ How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Do you ever floss? Not really, oops. Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? Two. Ever considered suicide? Yes. If so, did you try to commit suicide? Yes. Is there anyone out there who makes you feel completely useless? No. Do you like texting or calling people more? TEXTING. Don't call me omg. Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? Yeah. When did you last babysit, if ever? I actually did last week in an emergency situation with my nephew. I was the one and only person capable due to everyone being sick. I was scared as shit and very anxious the whole time, but I did it. Ultimately, it was a good bonding experience for us. Do you have any younger siblings? Yes, one sister. Have you ever thought of someone as useless? I'm sure I've thought of myself like that before. Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? Not to remain blonde, no, but I did that on the occasion I dyed it purple, I think. Do you drink vitamin water? No. Are there any old movies you absolutely love? Well of course. Have you ever had a Big Mac before? No, it doesn't appeal to me. Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I don't know or care. Where is your favorite place to travel? Mountainous and wooded areas. What is your goal for the next few months? Do well in school, get back into driving, maybe get a job I can actually handle. Can you count to ten in another language other than your own? German, yeah. And I think Spanish. Have you ever played on a sports team before? Yeah. If you have, what was that sport and when? All of these are from when I was a young kid. T-ball/softball, basketball, cheerleading, soccer... I think that's it? Oh wait, dance for many years as a pre-teen/teen. Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? No. Do you think you’re a good singer? Not really. Do you think you have a good sense of style? I don't care. What matters is I myself like what I wear. Do you enjoy reading often? No... but I want to get back into it. Have you ever had a deadly illness? No, thank goodness. Ever had food-poisoning before? No. Where did you last eat dinner at? Like, eat out? I think it was a local Mexican restaurant with Mom and the sis. Have you ever shot a gun before? No. Where do you apply cologne or perfume? My neck and just generally around my torso. I don't really pay attention to exactly where. What completely and totally disgusts you and turns you off? Disrespect is what came to mind first this instance. What song makes you laugh when you hear it? I'unno. Do you take surveys hoping someone will see your answers or just ‘because’? Just because. It's a time-killer and a way for me to just. Talk. Not at anyone, just to get thoughts out of my head. It's therapeutic to me. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? Chocolate or vanilla, depending on my mood. What diet could you never do? "Raw." <<<< Yeah. Do you have a curfew? No, not that I ever leave the house. Do you actually like your job? N/A What is the last song you sang? I think it was "Ordinary Man" by Ozzy feat. Elton John. GOD I am ready for this album. Describe the best kiss you’ve ever experienced: Bro idk I've had a lot of those and I've never like ranked them in my head. Think to the last time someone said thank you to you, what had you done to earn it? I commented on my friend's picture that she was fUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Grab your cellular. When did you last receive a text message? Like three hours ago. Is there anything that’s worrying you at the moment? Just a lot. Honestly, do you wish there was someone still in your life who used to be but for whatever reason isn’t anymore? I mean yeah, there' s multiple people like that. Who in your household do you not have a good relationship with? My sister's dog. Who in your life are you scared to lose more than anything? Mom.

[bringbackmaes14]

I found this “About Me” template here on Tumblr. I’ve reblogged it on my account if you wanna see the blank one.

1: Name - Gracie

2: Age - 19

3: 3 fears - The dark, heights, and spiders

4: 3 things I love - Ducks, math, and singing

5: 4 turn-ons - Being dependable, a good listener, funny, and artistic

6: 4 turn-offs - People who are messy, narcissistic, only care about looks/like me for my looks, and ignorant

7: My best friend - My sister, Caroline

8: Sexual Orientation - Panromantic Demisexual

9: My best first date - I saw Black Panther and got ice cream with my boyfriend

10: How tall I am - 5’8”

11: What do I miss? - South Carolina

12: What time was I born? - 7:57 a.m.

13: Favorite color? - Purple

14: Do I have a crush? - Do crushes on fictional characters count? If so, my current crush is Fatgum from My Hero Academia

15: Favorite quote? - “Surround yourself with people who are smarter than you, and don’t be afraid to be the dumbest one in the room because that gives you the most potential to learn.” - Markiplier

16: Favorite place? - Lexington High School

17: Favorite food? - Ambrosia

18: Do I use sarcasm? - Frequently

19: What am I listening to right now? - My cat purring

20: First thing I notice in a new person - Probably their hairstyle

21: Shoe size? - Women’s 13

22: Eye color? - Hazel

23: Hair color?  Dark Brown

24: Favorite style of clothing? - Graphic Tees or Dresses; there is almost no in-between

25: Ever done a prank call? - Nope.

26: Meaning of my url - My URL (BringBackMaes14) is based on one of my favorite animes, Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood is better you can fight me) and one of its characters, Maes Hughes. His death was the first anime character death I experienced, and he died in 1914 which is where the 14 comes from.

27: Favorite movie? - Robots (2005)

28: Favorite song? - There’s a Platypus Controlling Me from Phineas and Ferb

29: Favorite band? Panic! At the Disco

30: How I feel right now - A little bit tired, and my back hurts, but my mood is good

31: Someone I love - My sister, Caroline

32: My current relationship status - Single

33: My relationship with my parents - My relationship with my dad has always been bad. He was pretty abusive. My relationship with him is okay right now, now that I don’t see him but once a year. I’ve always been really close with my mom, and a big part of that is I’ve been disabled my whole life and so I’ve always needed her by my side, so we’re just together all the time. Things are a little rough right now though.

34: Favorite holiday? - Thanksgiving. It has all the same big meals and family gatherings as Christmas, but I don’t have seasonal depression then or gifts staring at me from under a tree for three weeks, driving me mad with anticipation.

35: Tattoos and piercings I have - My ears are pierced

36: Tattoos and piercings I want - I want a rubber duck tattoo, probably just a small one on my shoulder

37: The reason I joined Tumblr - To look at anime memes

38: Do my last ex and I hate each other? - No, things ended on good terms. We’re still friends and we talk occasionally

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts? - No

40: Have I ever kissed the last person I texted? - No

41: When did I last hold hands? - It’s been a few weeks

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - On a regular morning? Maybe 10 minutes. On mornings that I shower? About 45 minutes

43: Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? - I haven’t shaved my legs in 19 years

44: Where am I right now? - In my living room

45: If I were drunk and couldn’t stand, who would be taking care of me? - Probably one of my sisters

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - I only turn songs way up when they have great bass

47: Do I live with my mom and/or dad? - I live with my mom, my two sisters, and my brother-in-law. It’s my older sister and brother-in-law’s house. I have a brother who still lives back in South Carolina where I’m from

48: Am I excited for anything? - I’ve got a virtual Halloween party I’m going to this week

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? - No

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? - Not very often. I wear my emotions pretty openly

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? - Last night I hugged my younger sister

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone right in front of me? That’s none of my business really. We never actually dated and I don’t talk to her a lot anymore.

53: Is there someone I trust even though I shouldn’t? - Not that I can think of

54: What is something I disliked about today? - It rained while I was in the middle of going on a walk.

55: If I could meet anyone on Earth, who would it be? I’d like to meet J. Michael Tatum. He’s a voice actor in a lot of animes that I’ve watched and I really like his voice.

56: What do I think about the most? - Probably myself

57: What’s my strangest talent? - I wouldn’t call it talent but I can make a really disturbing horse-like noise.

58: Do I have any strange phobias? - I’m afraid of swingsets and trampolines

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? It doesn’t really matter to me. I don’t take a lot of pictures of myself, but it doesn’t have to do with not liking having my picture taken

60: What was the last lie I told? - “I’m not in a lot of pain.”

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - I actually prefer video chatting. It seems more personal.

62: Do I believe in ghosts? - Yes. I’ve seen my twin sister’s ghost several times in my life.

63: Do I believe in aliens? - Yes

64: Do I believe in magic? - No

65: Do I believe in luck? - Yes

66: What’s the weather like right now? It’s 60 degrees Fahrenheit and cloudy

67: What was the last book I read? Mother Knows Best: A Tale of the Old Witch Best by Serena Valentino

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - No

69: Do I have any nicknames? - Boo, Gracie Pie, Dot

70: What was the worst injury I ever had? - I broke my spine when I was 16

71: Do I spend money or save it? - I tend to spend it but I’m trying to save it right now

72: Can I touch my nose with my tongue? - Yes. I can also touch the bottom of my chin with my tongue

73: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of me? - Yes, there’s a pillowcase and a blanket

74: Favorite animal? - Panda Bear

75: What was I doing last night at 12 a.m.? - Sleeping

76: What do I think Satan’s last name is? - I don’t know, Smith? We’re probably all overthinking it and it’s something much more simple than Morningstar

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - Flashy by GameBoyJones

78: How can you win my heart? - By not judging me based on my past and my disabilities

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - Quacked to Death

80: What is my favorite word? - Feshnickit - the act of consuming alcohol until a point is reached where an individual is unable to function normally

81: My top 5 blogs on Tumblr - lady-raziel, just-shower-thoughts, plus-ultra-writings, drawing-prompt-s, and writing-prompt-s

82: If the whole world was listening right now, what would I say? - What that tongue do? (Idk I think it’d be really funny if the whole world just randomly heard that in their heads). If we’re talking like I’m on tv and broadcasting to the whole world and I’m not just telepathic/mind reading, then I’d probably say something about rights for women, colored people, and LGBTQ+ people

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - Nope

84: Superpower of choice? - The power to affect probability. What’s the probability that I’ll ace this test? 100% What’s the probability that it will rain on my wedding day? 0% What’s the probability that my dad will shit his pants every time he hears the word “dragon”? 80%

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - Have you been handcuffed before and if yes, then why?

86: What is my current desktop picture? -

87: Had sex? - No

88: Bought condoms? - No

89: Been pregnant? - No

90: Failed a class? - Yes. I failed IT twice and Java Programming once.

91: Kissed a boy? - No

92: Kissed a girl? - Yes

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - No

94: Had a job? - It wasn’t an actual paid job, but I worked as a student aid in my school’s library in my senior year of high school.

95: Left the house without my wallet? - Yes

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - I’ve bullied people in real life, but not on the internet.

97: Had sex in public? - No

98: Played on a sports team? - I played basketball with a church league for 6 years

99: Smoked weed? - No

100: Done drugs? - I take prescription drugs for my disabilities, but I’ve never “done” drugs, no.

101: Smoked cigarettes? - No

102: Drank alcohol? - No

103: Am I a vegan/vegetarian? -  No

104: Been overweight? - I currently am

105: Been underweight? - No

106: Been to a wedding? - I’ve been to 4 weddings

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - Yes

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - Yes

109: Been outside my home country? - No

110: Gotten my heart broken? - Yes, but not in a “I got dumped or turned down” kind of way. Someone close to me told me something really devastating.

111: Been to a professional sports game? - I once went to a Clemson Tigers vs University of South Carolina Gamecocks game, which was a pretty big game for South Carolina

112: Broken a bone? - I broke my L5 vertebrae

113: Cut myself? - Never on purpose, but yes. I sliced open my thumb knuckle once and had to get 3 stitches.

114: Been to prom? - I threw my own prom at home my junior year of high school because my school’s actual prom was 3 days after my spinal surgery so I wouldn’t have been able to go. I went to my school’s prom the year after and the theme was Emerald City from The Wizard of Oz

115: Been on an airplane? - No

116: Flown by helicopter? - No

117: What concerts have I been to? - I once went to a concert at my church for a Christian barbershop quartet called Soul’d Out

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - Yes

119: Learned another language? - I took Spanish classes for 3 years and French for 6 years

120: Worn makeup? - I’ve worn makeup before for stage performances but I don’t like to wear it regularly. Every once in awhile I’ll wear some mascara.

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - No

122: Had oral sex? - No

123: Dyed my hair? - I’ve dyed my hair purple, and blue. I liked it better purple.

124: Voted in a presidential election? Voting day for the 2020 election is in 8 days, and it’s the 1st presidential election I’ll be old enough to vote in, but I don’t think I’m going to vote.

125: Rode in an ambulance? - Several times. I had a lot of seizures when I was a little kid. My longest one lasted at least 2 hours.

126: Had surgery? - I’ve had 2 major surgeries: I had my gallbladder removed and I had a spinal surgery to fix my broken vertebrae where they screwed 3 of my vertebrae together and used part of my hip to make a bone graft to cover it.

127: Met someone famous? - Unless the guys from Soul’d Out count, I don’t think so.

128: Stalked someone on a social network? - Definitely not (and if I had, I probably wouldn’t tell you guys)

129: Peed outside? - Do Porta Potties count?

130: Been fishing? - Yes. I went once when I was maybe 8 years old, and I was the only one of my siblings to catch a fish. I caught it by the eye socket though and its eye fell out. I’m still not sure exactly how that happened.

131: Helped with charity? - Yes. I don’t remember what the charity was called, but I worked in a warehouse once to collect shoes for homeless shelters

132: Been rejected by a crush? - Yes, but it was when I was 11 so I don’t know if that really counts

133: Broken a mirror? - No, but I’ve punched a hole in a wall before

134: What do I want for my birthday/Christmas? - The number one thing on my list is some Artemis Drawing Figurines. They have adjustable and interchangeable hands, and they come in both male and female shapes.

[fineartwhore]

Can you do the entire unusual asks pls for me babe

oh of course lmao

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Umm sometimes I like to pretend I’m someone else but usually that person ends up sucking? So no, I guess not.

2: What is your full name?

Beaver Head William

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?

Um I’m 22 going on 23 and idk not a lot of people ask my age.

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?

Nah. Never. Just kidding I just realized that literally not a single one o yall knows my hair is blue unless you’ve met me in person.

5: What’s your eye color?

Brown

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

Um???? It took me a while to get here but I am pretty okay with my body, minus the crippling gender dysphoria literally every single day. Tattoos help me with this though.

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

Uuuuummmmm HELL YEAH! I have like 24 or maybe 25 tattoos and two piercings. 

8: What would you say is your best quality?

Ummm wow good question I guess my ability to stay level headed in 90% of situations and give good advice.

9: What are you really bad at?

Being romantic. Lmao. Also stress management lmao.

10: What talent do you wish you had?

It’s not a talent but wow i really wish i could fucking read.

11: Are you nice to everyone?

I try to be.

12: What do you think about the most?

Wow that is a hard question. Right now all I think about is beating this level on Two Dots, and also Pusheen. I really love pusheen wtf.

13: Things you like/dislike about yourself

Like: My bone structure, my hair, my tattoos, artistic ability

Dislike: My anxiety and assigned gender.

14: What is your least favorite word?

‘Moist.’

15: What is your favorite word?

Amazing

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?

God I really try to be like my dad. When I was a kid my dad used to tell me I was just like my mother in a really bad way and since then I’ve been like FUCK that

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Uhh unless I was at work and being paid to, probably not.

18: A reason you’ve lied to someone

When I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but usually only about something small or situational.

19: Are you lying about anything right now?

Nah.

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?

Yeah.

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?

No

22: Do you believe in soulmates?

Only in terms of dogs, tbh.

23: Are looks important?

Well yeah just don’t get carried away.

24: Opinion on relationship age differences

As long as its legal, go for it.

25: Would you date someone off the Internet?

I am at the moment lol.

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

Of course

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

YES

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?

Yeah.

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yes, definitely.

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?

Idk she went to maine for a few days and i was like really sure i was in love with her and then she came back and i was like oh nvmd idk it was a weird day.

31: How does someone win your heart?

Honestly, my standards have never been very high.

32: What turns you on?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

33: What turns you off?

im constantly in a state of turned off tbhhhh

34: Do you get jealous easily?

Not in a relationship way but like if someone i work with or do stuff with gets different treatment than i do im like wtf do they hate me

35: What is your definition of cheating?

I feel like I can’t talk for other people in other relationships because sometimes people are into different things but if u date someone else while I am under the assumption that we are dating, then you just cheated on me pal.

36: Do you forgive betrayal?

Depends.

37: Have you ever been cheated on?

Not that I know of.

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?

No.

39: How often do you listen to music?

Every day.

40: First concert you attended

Beach Boys, but the drummer had just died or was in the hospital or something and so John Stamos played drums.

41: Last movie you watched

I watched the tail end of the Emperor’s New Groove a few hours ago.

42: Favorite type of movie

Idk I don’t really watch them

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

No literally even terrible, scarring things that happened to me I talk about like hey wanna hear for the thirteenth time about how my piece of shit boyfriend invited me over to his house when i was 16 when his parents weren’t home and touched me and I had no idea how to tell him i didn’t want it because i was a fucking child? me neither. lol. I overshare.

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Uhhhhhh no not at all.

45: Do you fall in love easily?

With dogs, yeah, with people no.

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?

No. Say it all the damn time. Love makes the world go around. Just….never ever stop loving.

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

Halloweeeeeen

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?

Yeah. No.

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?

There’s this place out in central PA that I drove through once, and like for a few hours beforehand we were just aimlessly driving through trees, and the trees are so thick in pennsylvania that underneath them it looks like night time and then you emerge and it’s like still day time. The sun was setting and I just remember coming up over this hill covered in wind turbines, and it was honestly like nothing I had ever seen. I love feeling small.

50: What’s your “type”?

Um? Someone who gets me and gets that I am a really fidgety person and im really inconsistent about my expression of feelings. 

[309nyeon]

[Pann] The Level of Hate that a Produce 101 Trainee is Currently Getting (Clean Version)

Source: 최근 까이고 있는 프로듀스 연습생을 향한 악플 클라스 (원글쓴이임) 크린버젼

This post got deleted again so I re-uploaded it again. I tried to censor the hate as nicely as possible, though it feels like covering the sky with your hands (t/n: not sure about this).  Apparently, it got deleted because it contains violence, curses, and slanderㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Nate Pann, are you joking with me? All of the posts on Pann before were this badㅋㅋ Why were those posts acceptable, but my post which compiled all of the hate deleted? Ah, now you realize that it’s actually bad? Or did you not want people to know that you allowed those postsㅋㅋㅋ Though I’m sure my post got deleted because someone reported itㅋㅋ

Produce 101 is very trendy everywhere, which is why there’s a lot of talk about the trainees that appear on it as well. Recently, there’s a lot of interest(?) around Joo Haknyeon, a trainee who prepared Open Up, a concept evaluation stage.

He’s greedy even though he’s unskilled, he made mistakes onstage, he covered another trainee’s face onstage, etc etc. For all of these reasons, he’s getting hate. I can understand constructive criticism but the problem is that the hate has crossed a line and has become excessive..;;;

If you miss your dad so much, why don’t you just follow him? Why are you crying..

Just follow your dad.... the world’s air is wasted on you.

Just feel free to beat up the nuisance, pig bastard Joo Haknyeon

He’s ugly, untalented, and his personality’s trash. I was wondering why he was like that and it’s because he doesn’t have a dad.

His mom’s crying every night while having s** with pigs

t/n: Idk what the last two are saying. 

As you can see, the comments towards his parents are so bad it’s hard to read;;;; Joo Haknyeon’s dad passed away last year;;;; It’s not only that but there was also a clarification post on him supposedly covering another trainee’s face onstage but...

t/n: People were saying that he covered Yongguk’s face on purpose because he wanted more spotlight. Someone wrote up a clarification post on Pann to clear up this misunderstanding but it still got a lot of dislikes. Here’s a translation of the post (original). 

To sum it up, he was supposed to walk in front of that trainee to get to his ending position and the reason why he looked like he was covering the trainee’s face is because of the camera angle.

But all of the people who are just hating rather than giving constructive criticism completely ignore clarification posts like this. Look at all of the dislikes ㅋㅋ The post was only pointing out false assumptions and telling people to judge based on factsㅋㅋBut the haters responded with “the post is too long,” “so what?”, and “do you think that’s why he’s getting hate”

Haknyeon, you would just be better off working at a host bar. What are you even good at, you can’t even dance. Just give it up.

[+5, -0] What the hell... His chin is long and his stare is dirty but the Sangam fancamㅋㅋㅋ That fansite master (T/N: Aquamarine) is a con artist.

[+14, -2] I felt like Joo Haknyeon was acting like he was kind last week. At this point, he’s not even acting, he’s just straight-up evil.

I can’t even tell that he’s a face pick..; I can tell that Guanlin, Hyeongsub, and Jinyoung are all good-looking but they say that Haknyeon’s a face pick... they say that he has a refreshing charm and smells like hallabongs. He has a well-developed jaw and jutting chin so I’d at least accept it if they said he was a manly type instead of a refreshing type..;;

I’ve said this already but I can accept constructive criticism about his skills or greed. However, you hated on him for purposefully blocking a trainee’s face even though it wasn’t true. It doesn’t make any sense to me that he received hate and sexual harassment comments because of something that wasn’t true..

It’s not only Pann that’s like thisㅋㅋ Every online community has been attacking his looks and making terrible personal attacks to an excessive degree.

t/n: More here. They’re all just terrible comments about his face, body, skills, and personality. Comments about how they want to beat him up or nasty comments about his chin or shoulders. I don’t want to translate these anymore because they annoy tf out of me. 

I’ve said this before, but I think constructive criticism about his skills or greed is acceptable. But all of the personal attacks, sexual harassment, and hate comments about him purposefully covering another trainee’s face.. even though this isn’t true..ㅋㅋㅋYou might think this only happens on DC Gallery because there are a lot of weird kids on there. However, the hate comments come from DC Gallery, Twitter, Facebook, Pann, online cafes and communities, and comments under videos and articles. These hate comments are everywhere. 

I hope Haknyeon doesn’t search his name on the internet. The sexual harrassment and comments about his parents are too much..... It also seems like his agency is waiting for the right time (to sue).. I hope they accept the constructive criticism but deal with the sexual harassment, comments about his parents, and the like...

Overall: [+1124, -163]

---

1. [+422, -21] He used to smile constantly and proclaim that he’s Joo Haknyeon and point to his nametag to strangers, but now he doesn’t even smile and his expressions are dead whatever he does. What did he do that was so wrong? He’s not as skilled, yes, he expressed some greed, he made a mistake, but he quickly fixed his mistakes on M Countdown after being criticized. I was shocked that there were people bating their breath, waiting for him to make even one mistake on M Countdown. My heart hurt and I felt ashamed when people laughed mockingly and said that him being pushed around during the parts selection (t/n: not sure about this) was justified. His face was red and he couldn’t even hide how flustered he was. He’s only 19 years old. What kind of righteous, amazing life did you live that you’re so desperate to take him down? You need to stop it, for real. 

2. [+414, -20] I’m honestly worried for Joo Haknyeon’s mental health.. I’ve never seen anyone from a survival show receive this much hate. Every community online has been attacking his personality, his skills, and his face to excruciating detail. Now they’ll curse him whether he smiles or cries.. They shame his fans for liking him so all of his fans seem like they’re hiding (I have never seen anyone taking his side). It’s to the point where people will say that they pity the other trainees because of Haknyeon or that it’s because of Haknyeon that so and so got eliminated. He gets hate just for breathing.

I didn’t even want to go to school after fighting with someone from my class, but as soon as he turns on the internet, they’re all hating on him so proudly I bet he wants to leave Korea. I’m so, so worried.. If he doesn’t debut, will people forgive(?) him?

3. [+412, -16] Didn’t he smile and say that he’s never been loved so much at the beginning of the show....ㅋㅋㅋ Do you realize how cruel this system is? The kids first say please love me and then end up saying sorry and don’t hate me...The kids need to go to therapy, and all of the people attacking these young kids with hate comments have terrible personalities... I copy-pasted this best reply from beforeㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ I knew this would happen^^

4. [+67, -2] After watching yesterday’s episode, I could tell that he knew that he was lacking in skills, and they even edited out scenes where he was practicing by himself. I just feel so bad for this 19 year old kid. He gets hated on just for breathing.. Don’t all kids at this age have lots of bravado, ambition, and playfulness? Is this something that deserves this much hate? Let’s not even acknowledge the people who think they know everything about a person based on a show. They won’t even listen to reason.. Haknyeon, hang in there. 

5. [+67, -3] I’ve read this post several times already but I still can’t calm down. My hands and feet are trembling... I hope he’s never seen these hate comments...but he apparently looks at all of the comments...I’m really sorry, Haknyeon...I only wanted you to see pretty words.....ah....seriously.....Even though we’re the same human beings, these people are just so disappointing ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

6. [+59, -1] I’m so sadㅠㅠ just as the haters say, if Haknyeon really didn’t put any effort, would he have been able to perform Open Up in three days? Yes, Haknyeon does lack skills, made some mistakes, and is a slow learner, but I’m wondering if a 19 year old kid really deserves this much hate. 

First Picture: When he was practicing by himself (during Right Round) Second Picture: He took detailed notes of Dongho’s advice on his singing. Third & Fourth Picture: He’s memorizing the lyrics during rest time. 

7. [+57, -0] The worst thing is that fans of higher-ranked trainees would say that he'd be a nuisance to their picks while fans of lower-ranked trainees would pick on him because they were threatened by him. On top of that, they even made him out to be some kind of outcast among the trainees and said that him being treated like an outcast was justified. There wasn’t anybody who didn’t curse Joo Haknyeon, online or offline. Did he really do something that terrible? I was shocked by how everyone was relentlessly hating on him. It’s not even a matter of him debuting or not anymore. I’m worried if he’ll even be able to return and start a new life after Produce 101. Why are you guys so determined to take him down? 

8. [+54, -1] If you’re human, at least have the decency to realize there are things you shouldn’t say. How can you hate on a kid who’s says he’s going to work hard when you haters would probably go through a mental breakdown if someone cursed you in real life? Do you have any right to act like this? He made a mistake? You’re just giving constructive criticism? He’s unlikeable? I can understand all of these, but this (t/n: referring to the post) is just character assassination. How is he supposed to live after this when he knows that are hundreds and thousands of people that hate and curse him to this extent? Let’s not be like this as human beings. I hope his agency sues these haters and they get what they deserveㅡㅡ

9. [+53, -1] I’m so angry I can’t sleep. I didn’t even hear Haknyeon’s voice in the sports day segment in last week’s episode. There are people saying that Mnet and Loen are on bad terms, and it’s definitely true (Cre.ker is a Loen subsidiary). Also, please stop making hate remarks about his personality. Even though he dropped from #10 to #18, he’s still a fragile kid who cried when they announced Yongguk was #21;;

(t/n: Haknyeon and Yongguk are close. They trained under the same agency together before, and Yongguk mentioned that he was close to Haknyeon in his Vapp live.)

10. [+47, -2] Whenever I see Joo Haknyeon, I’m reminded of Kim Sejung. I just feel somewhat sad for them because they both seem the type to smile by default. Whenever he makes a mistake, he smiles. Even though he was kicked out of Never, he smiled. When he was pushed around during the parts assignment for the final songs, he smiled even brighter. It just seems like he smiles to control his emotionsㅠㅠ This is something I felt since the first elimination round. By the way, I’m not a Haknyeon fan. My one pick is Hyeongsub.

11. [+46, -2] They really close their eyes and ears to everything

12. [+39, -2] Before this post, if we said that the hate was too much, they’d either shut us up by saying that 1) we’re Haknyeon’s fans or 2) that his actions deserves this much hate. Do you know what people said in response to the talk about Haknyeon being an outcast? They asked why the others would even like a guy like that. Do you like making out your faves to be bullies/bystanders and saying that Haknyeon deserves to be alienated? You’re all attacking him like you’re all just having a good time pissing on him. 

13. [+38, -5] You have to debut. So I can see all of the haters choke. 

14. [+34, -1] I’ve seen this post before but it got deleted.. why didn’t they delete all of the hate comments before then.. All of the haters will eventually get what they deserve... You’re being too much to a 19 year old kid. 

15. [+31, -0] The comments make me want to throw up. Haknyeon’s not my pick but I just feel so bad for Haknyeon and his fans. He really didn’t get any screentime in the beginning and all of his fans looked for him in the corners and edges of the show and they stuck through with it for weeks. But starting from the 6th episode, there were lots of people who began to say that it would have been better if he just didn’t get any screentime... There was also shots where you could see him practicing alone in the corner, but they don’t show any of that. When they showed scenes of the kids playing with each other and showed who was close to who, they didn’t show any cuts of Haknyeon. Even now, it’s hard to find even a strand of his hair in bts videosㅋㅋ Because of this, there are people who’s saying that he’s an outcast or whatever, but how would we know that when they don’t even show him.. I’ve been getting a weird feeling about this since before, but after watching last week’s broadcast, I’m certain that the PD doesn’t like him. He was completely cut out of the sports day segment and the trainee’s talk time. 

16. [+25, -0] I became a fan after seeing Haknyeon’s innocent, bright smile. These days, he doesn’t smile much, and when he’s smiling, he doesn’t even look like he’s smiling for real.. I’m sad because he’s not like how he was before. What makes me sadder is that he doesn’t express how he feels inside. I hate myself for thinking this, but I sometimes think it would have been better if he had received more PR training (he’s too innocent so he doesn’t know how to act on broadcast) or if he was a bit more sly and knew how to act accordingly to get more love from the viewers... I’m just very scared and worried that Haknyeon will change.. so please stop it with the hate. Just think of it as saving someone.. I just want to continue seeing Haknyeon’s bright smile that we saw at the beginning of the show.

17. [+25, -0] Haknyeon fans, don’t give up just because he’s #18. Vote even harder. The show doesn’t show any of Haknyeon’s relationships with the other boys so it makes sense that he dropped during 2-pick. It may have actually been a good thing. Now that I think about it carefully, they really didn’t show any of Haknyeon’s friendships on the show since the first episode and the bts videos. Now that it’s one-pick, continue to vote for Haknyeon. Just struggle for one more week. Vote furiously so that Haknyeon can achieve his dream of debuting. 

18. [+25, -0] Creker needs to sue them. They think they can just say anything onlineㅠㅠ My heart hurts.

19. [+25, -0] He’s been hearing stuff like this, but he thanked (the national producers) for giving him the chance to be onstage again? I pity him. I’m worried for his mental health.

20. [+24, -0] I’m reuploading my comment because the post got deleted. You think the whole fuss that happened with Haknyeon’s Open Up fancam involved just a minority? For two hours, all of the best replies on Haknyeon’s fancam were reported and taken down. They didn’t even reach 500 likes before getting taken down. The hate comments and the fan’s comments were all too much. You’re the ones who posted on different communities, asking people to like the hate comments so that they can be the top comments on his individual cam. That’s why his fans were so desperate to make the positive comments the top comments on his video. You're the ones who wrote that Haknyeon’s fancam would be a hot issue and that everybody should go look for another mistake he made in his fancam. And you’re still claiming that you’re only “criticizing” him? 

21. [+23, -0] Pann is hilariousㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ What were you guys doing just watching when everyone was maliciously attacking him? You’re all the same. 

22. [+23, -0] Haknyeon’s not my pick but I’m upvoting this. A post like this should go up on the rankings. Not only Haknyeon but all of the trainees didn’t do anything to warrant comments like these. These people have no right to say such harsh things. They think they’re important because of the national producer label. Don’t fool yourself, you guys are nothing.

22. [+23, -0] This is a misunderstanding. Haknyeon didn’t cover Yongguk;;; Haknyeon’s supposed to walk in front of Yongguk to get to his ending pose, the camera angle was weird, and if you look at their picture on the official facebook page, he didn’t cover Yongguk.. Also, Yongguk mentioned Haknyeon as one of the trainees he was closest to during his Vapp live, and Haknyeon cried for Yongguk when he got eliminated. Would he really cover Yongguk on purpose? 

23. [+21, -0] I thought he wasn’t a bad kid, seeing how the people around him have always come out to say something against the negative way the show portrays him. I knew that people were criticizing him, but I didn’t know it was this bad. Why don’t people know their limits..? This isn’t constructive criticism. This is just senseless hate.

24. [+21, -0] Eunki and Hwanwoong fans don’t even hate on Haknyeon because they know that Eunki and Hwanwoong are actually close to Haknyeon and that the editing was weird. It’s so obvious when people pretend to be Eunki and Hwanwoong fans to hate on Haknyeonㅉㅉ

25. [+20, -1] It’s goosebumps-inducing how you’ll hate on Haknyeon using the other traineesㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㄱ So, did you guys ever vote for Hwanwoong, Eunki and Yongguk? They’re actually close to Haknyeon and genuinely support him. It’s funny how you’ll make all these assumptions based on five minutes of a show.

26. [+16, -0] Haknyeon’s expression... He looks like he’s flustered and his heart’s beating fast and like he’s about to cry because he’s so surprised, but he’s trying so hard to hold it in... he’s swallowing with his mouth, and his eyes look like they’re at a loss. It’s a face that can’t decide on any particular expression. How flustered he must have been. In that short moment, so many thoughts must have run across his head. 

[lovesick-melancohlic]

I don't feel like I actually exist. Once upon a time I felt like I did. When I didn't see the truth. How much of a cruel bastard this world has been to me. I used to live with my mom. Step dad. They were happily married. After it broke, I lost my home. My cats. Had to live with mom. Mom's not very nice to me. Mom got a boyfriend, or a few. What's one, what's three, or two? To me they were all the same. Now as I have grown up, she says it was my fault they divorced. That I told her he threw things at me. I was a kid, he threw things. I thought he threw them at me. I didn't understand he threw the things to the side. I thought it was directed at me. But it wasn't. He was just frustrated at me being a brat and swatted things off of their posture like any cat does. The new step dad? He's pretty cool. Funny. But I never connected or bonded with him. Thought I was just part of the package. Who the hell wants a kid with mood swing personality issues, ADHD and Autism? So I thought. My mom couldn't handle how hyperactive I was. How many tantrums I had. I didn't have friends. I was weird. I liked anime, while nobody else knew what that shit was. Yeah. Crazy to see anime interests and video games to be a rare interest. I often was left to play in my room. Where else does a kid go if there's no other kids to play with? Nothing fun to do. Nobody to be friends with. Me, Gameboy Advance, and N64. Most of my day became filled with those games or my chores which weren't by any means an option and got dirtier every day no matter how much I cleaned. My mom and grandma made sure my birthdays were awesome. But.... Other than that every day was really lonely. Depressing. It kept getting worse. One day, my uncle died. I felt nothing at the time because... I didn't understand emotions. Didn't understand what death was. He was just sleeping to me. My mom was destroyed by his death. Her heart broke. She was mad at me for not being able to cry. Took it out on me verbally. Begging me to show emotions. Then came in the emotions. Before they were ready to be developed. They flooded in. I became depressed to a dangerous level. More mood swings. Grandma had a heart attack for gods could only count how many times she's had them. I started to hate my mom. I only wanted to go back to school. So I could draw. And learn. And talk to other kids. My meds I was prescribed for my ADHD and whatever else made me gain 80 pounds slowly over time and messed up my mood swings once again. Same shit different sun and moon. One day, I was too much. She wanted to give me up for adoption or to a group home. To this day I say adoption because that's what I remember but she says she meant group home......

...Like group home is any less worse. My first puppy died too in my step dad's arms. My second batch of twin cats were given away. The other cat was given away. Things constantly were taken away as punishment because she wanted to ever avoid hitting me. I wasn't allowed to do a whole lot and at this point, her giving me up like that was pain. But grandma took me in. As if her own. She could of gone to any amazing retired people only mobile home park, but she went to a place I too could go. We been a team ever since. My grandpa passed away. The family once again despite it's smallness quaked with grief as the circle shrunk. His music was beautiful. He even became kinda famous. Found out lots of wild family secrets from various sources and those secrets aren't exactly anything like murder dark but you'd be surprised who people really are. They can act alright. Now those secrets weren't enough. I would hold on for why? Not even I knew. I just did. I had a little brother. Oh hoho. I love that little punk. At first? I didn't. I actually disliked him because that's all my family ever talked about as if I didn't exist. As he grew up, I threw my petty envy/jealousy aside. Said this is my little brother. He's going to be my sunshine light that keeps everything brighter.

I begun to love that kid more than anything. He means so much to me. I'd try to play it cool and not hug em too much or be too lovey to em because I wanted him to think I was cool. It seemed to of worked. Damn what I wouldn't do for that little one.

Then... The bell of grief and troubles strikes again. Grandma had another heart attack. We didn't think she'd make it. But she did. Strongest woman alive. One month from that she went back to working. I don't know what kind of strength that is but damn that's what I wanted to be. Strong like grandma. Fierce and smart like mom. Kind and understanding gentleman like Poppop Mark. Hell, even funny like my step dad Ken.

Then here came the grief toll again. Mom and my step dad both seem freaking miserable all the time. Mom especially. My little brother too. And there it is, I may not have a little bro around anymore... But maybe mom will be happy and healthy and improve so I thought. I saw her talk with Mark catching up as friends. I never seen him that happy in ages. He truly loved her.

My emotions swirling around in confusion... Where is life going? I've attempted s×ic×de so many times and self harm in the past but surely I was getting better from working hard, right?

I was but.... Here I am.... Still afraid to die alone. Still afraid to be alone. Still afraid to sleep. Because every morning I wake, disaster strikes. I know one day I will awaken to another family member loss. I've been to jail once for a day. I been to rehab before. I been to mental hospitals time and time again.

I have no job. No life. I have a few local friends usually busy. I have some really great internet friends and my boyfriend. But my brain wants more.

I recently had broken up with a boyfriend of mine. Our bills are cranking out stress. The work needed to be done caused my mom to disown me, yell at me, threaten me declination to pay bills for medical, and shook me as she said something transphobic. My step dad? Well my mom said something to me about him cheating I replied. Apparently she hadn't hung up on him. He heard it. So now being around him is awkward. My little bro has 5% BMI which is very unhealthy. Refuses to eat much. Is almost always around mom and my step dad because he lives with them. So me seeing him means me being called my dead name and she/her pronouns. And being around her and him.

Idk what to fuckin do anymore I want a job but I'm on a surgery waiting list.

My life almost constantly was filled with internet drama, shaming, accusations directed at me.

My therapists keep giving up on me.

I feel so disconnected. Dead. I want to hear my friend tell me he doesn't hate me. That he still cares. I want to stop feeling alone. I want to stop having people traumatize me. I want a fucking hug even. But no. I'm fucking dead to the world. No matter how much I try to interact. I just want to be somebody, not a ghost.

But alas, here I go into gaming obsession to simmer the pain. And........ Nobody's online in-game right now.... (Sigh)

Whatever gods there are that rule my life, divines please.

Please help me be happy. Please help me out of this trench. I want to exist to others.

I only exist to people as a monster, toy, or annoyance.... I want to exist on a better note...

Can you blame me for the tears shed,

Audiencia amable?

[periscully]

Hey Hanna, you wanna hate me? [ALL THE FUCKING NUMBERS]

Okay here we go

1: Name

Hanna

2: Age

20, coming up on 21 in August !

3: 3 Fears

I already answered this but needles, loud noises and failure

4: 3 things I love

My boyfriend, my friends, family

5: 4 turns on

A sense of humor, being supportive, being tall and fuck I dunno, being a genuine good person???

6: 4 turns off

Just being a straight up asshole for no good reason, bad body odor, I dunno just don’t be a dick and you won’t rub me the wrong way I guess

7: My best friend

My friend Brianna who I have known for like 7 years she the best

8: Sexual orientation

Probably straight but like there’s that unknown percentage that’s like oh hey girls

9: My best first date

I’ve never been on an actual date so

10: How tall am I

5′2″

11: What do I miss

Being able to hang out with friends

12: What time were I born

Grammar mother fucker

Hell if I know lets just say 4:20

13: Favorite color

Baby blue!

14: Do I have a crush

@docisnumber1 don’t tell him though

15: Favorite quote

“Despite everything, it’s still you” - Undertale ( shut up )

16: Favorite place

Cannon Beach

17: Favorite food

Mac n cheese

18: Do I use sarcasm

Honestly I’m not that sarcastic

19: What am I listening to right now

Music, Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees 

20: First thing I notice in new person

Their...face???

21: Shoe size

I think 8...maybe..I don’t wanna check my shoes

22: Eye color

Blue

23: Hair color

Brown

24: Favorite style of clothing

The comfy kind idk

25: Ever done a prank call?

I did and I felt horrible after

27: Meaning behind my URL

Its Peridot from Steven Universe and Scully from x-files

28: Favorite movie

Princess Bride

29: Favorite song

Probably Take On Me or Chandelier idk

30: Favorite band

Queen, it used to be Beatles but I’ve seen the light

31: How I feel right now

Fine I suppose

32: Someone I love

Macho man Randy Savage

33: My current relationship status

Happily taken

34: My relationship with my parents

Pretty good

35: Favorite holiday

Halloweeeeeeeeeen

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

I just have one piercing on each ear but I don’t wear earrings anymore cause they irritate my skin

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

Nah fam

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

THOSE DANK MEMES

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

I don’t have any exes

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

I send Doc a good morning message on discord everyday if that counts 

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

Its my mom so like family kiss ya know?

42: When did I last hold hands?

I held my brother’s hand on Sunday when taking him to a store

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

Like..15 minutes if I don’t do make up and shit

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days?

Ye

45: Where am I right now?

My room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

Right now I guess my parents?? But I have never gotten drunk and there is no alcohol in the house so

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

Reasonable level please

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

Yes

49: Am I excited for anything?

Going to my nana’s tomorrow and I’m gonna volunteer at my aunt’s store for a week so yay work experience 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

Doc

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

Sometimes when I’m depressed but usually people can tell when I’m like that

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

Maybe a day ago?

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

Never kissed anyone ( like in a romantic sense )

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

Nah

55: What is something I disliked about today?

*shrug*

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

DOC

57: What do I think about most?

Things I wanna do

58: What’s my strangest talent?

I dunno

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

Okay I hate the sound of applause and I will avoid anything that correlates with it. It kinda controls my life

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

A bit of both

61: What was the last lie I told?

“I’m gonna draw today”

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video chatting

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

*Mulder voice* I want to believe 

64: Do I believe in magic?

IN A YOUNG GIRL’S HEART--

Not really

65: Do I believe in luck?

Eh...nah, I think things just happen and there’s no reason for it

66: What's the weather like right now?

Sunny and hot

67: What was the last book I've read?

The Once and Future King 

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

The fuck?

69: Do I have any nicknames?

Peri and Banana

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had?

Uhh...not sure actually

71: Do I spend money or save it?

Both

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

No :c

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

A notepad

74: Favorite animal?

Sloths and bats !

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

Browsing my phone

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

Trump

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Take on Me

78: How can you win my heart?

Be an adorable meme lord with a heart of gold 

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

Probably something from Haunted Mansion or Corpse Bride

80: What is my favorite word?

DOOT 

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

All the blogs being brought into that Woody’s Roundup thing

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

Shut up

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

I don’t...think so?

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

Congratulations you’re fucking dead

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

NOPE

86: What is my current desktop picture?

A monokuma wallpaper....fuck

87: Had sex?

Nope

88: Bought condoms?

Nah

89: Gotten pregnant?

Can’t do that if I haven’t done the doodly

90: Failed a class?

Maybe one it was like an organization class lol

91: Kissed a boy?

No

92: Kissed a girl?

Nop

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

dO YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS ?????????????

94: Had job?

Working on that

95: Left the house without my wallet?

Ye

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

Not that I know of

97: Had sex in public?

Nah son

98: Played on a sports team?

I was on a soccer team in elementary school

99: Smoked weed?

Everyday I inhale the marijuanas at the 4:20 blaze it with snoop and 

no

100: Did drugs?

Nope

101: Smoked cigarettes?

Asthma mother fucker

102: Drank alcohol?

I’ve taken sips of wine but that’s it

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

Nope

104: Been overweight?

Yes

105: Been underweight?

Don’t think so

106: Been to a wedding?

Ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

*distant laughter*

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

Probably

109: Been outside my home country?

Yes ! 

110: Gotten my heart broken?

Yeah

111: Been to a professional sports game?

Yup

112: Broken a bone?

Nah I was a very cautious child

113: Cut myself?

Kinda

114: Been to prom?

Yeah : | 

115: Been in airplane?

Mhm

116: Fly by helicopter?

I’ve been in a helicopter yeah

117: What concerts have I been to?

Hannah Montana.......

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

Don’t think so

119: Learned another language?

I tried to learn French but yeah didn’t work out

120: Wore make up?

Yeah

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

*fart noise*

122: Had oral sex?

*louder fart noise*

123: Dyed my hair?

Yes

124: Voted in a presidential election?

The last one yeah

125: Rode in an ambulance?

Yup..

126: Had a surgery?

Had my tonsils out when I was 7

127: Met someone famous?

Kinda? 

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

A little but like not too much

129: Peed outside?

Ever peed in a pool son?

130: Been fishing?

Like kiddy fishing and I hated it

131: Helped with charity?

Ye

132: Been rejected by a crush?

Who hasn’t?

133: Broken a mirror?

Maybe once?

134: What do I want for birthday?

A better computer and functioning internet PLEASE GOD

I FUCKING DID IT YOU PROUD OF ME CAMERON?

[deli-counter]

do all 155 questions you reblogged

you are a good person

1: Full name Delaney Quinn _____

2: Age 19 

3: 3 Fears Failure, elevators, my college 

4: 3 things I love biscuits, broad city, carpeted garages 

5: 4 turns on men sighing, intelligence, deep, low voices, people who take action immediately in bad situations 

6: 4 turns off arrogance/narcism, men who talk about cars a lot, flip flops, really strong perfumes and colognes 

7: My best friend Matthew!!!!

8: Sexual orientation Straight

9: My best first date Every single first date I have ever had has been utter shit in every way and I could explain but there’s no time nor drive to do this 

10: How tall am I 5′4″ - 5′5″ maybe?

11: What do I miss Bahn mi......i am paleo now and it sux but I do love complaining about it and seeming important for doing paleo 

12: What time were I born Like 12:15pm

13: Favourite color green!

14: Do I have a crush like 100 but none are realistic, accessible, or serious 

15: Favourite quote “From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity.” - Edvard Munch 

16: Favourite place honestly i love my bathroom i love pooping and workin on my best self 

17: Favourite food gnocchi

18: Do I use sarcasm yeah i think everyone does 

19: What am I listening to right now broad city dialogue 

20: First thing I notice in new person how they greet you/tone i guess

21: Shoe size 6 1/2 - 7

22: Eye color brown 

23: Hair color dark brown but the dye’s faded into just muddy brown with some red how interesting

24: Favourite style of clothing vintage 

25: Ever done a prank call? yeah 

27: Meaning behind my URL i do theatre and i’m pretentious 

28: Favourite movie The Help 

29: Favourite song ??? stupid ass question idk 

30: Favourite band ??? stupid ass question idk 

31: How I feel right now ??? stupid ass question idk 

32: Someone I love My sister!

33: My current relationship status Single 

34: My relationship with my parents really great tbh

35: Favourite holiday Halloween 

36: Tattoos and piercing i have none 

37: Tattoos and piercing i want i would like to get my ears pierced 

38: The reason I joined Tumblr to complain to my friend Jenna 

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? No

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? No

42: When did I last hold hands? Yikes who knows 

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 45 min?

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? yep

45: Where am I right now? my room 

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? i’m taking care of someone else and i do not like drinking

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? depends 

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? when i’m not at college yeah

49: Am I excited for anything? i’m in spring awakening and we start rehearsals on saturday!!

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? yes my sweet sweet matthew 

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? as dramatic as this question is, so am I, and a lot  

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? today I hugged my beautiful and perfect sister 

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? that’s okay it was for a scene 

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? oh yeah 

55: What is something I disliked about today? this was the worst day in a while so a lot 

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? dave malloy 

57: What do I think about most? anxiety dude and currently what caused my ptsd 

58: What’s my strangest talent? ?? idk i do a great Viola Dais in The Help impression as risky and bad as that sounds 

59: Do I have any strange phobias? sure but mostly just elevators 

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? in front 

61: What was the last lie I told? great question

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? neither 

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes 

64: Do I believe in magic? I believe in the power of God so sure that counts

65: Do I believe in luck? nah 

66: What’s the weather like right now? it’s like 67 rn 

67: What was the last book I’ve read? I ready mostly scripts now so idk 

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? no 

69: Do I have any nicknames? Squeaky, Del, Delami, Lane, Joanne, Jew, etc. 

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I had like a kidney stone that sucked. Idk about injury. A chunk of my nose is missing due to skin strep I had as a child. 

71: Do I spend money or save it? Both

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? If I help it up there yeah 

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? I have an old Lady Be Good postcard near me with some pink on it, and Sorcerer’s Stone is beside me and there’s some pink on that cover 

74: Favourite animal? Koala I think 

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Sleepin maybe or playing Sims Freeplay 

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? None he’s got one name like Beyonce 

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? The Private and Intimate Life of the House from Great Comet 

78: How can you win my heart? Genuinely respect me 

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? “Rip it up”

80: What is my favorite word? I like cynosure a lot. Someone called me that once and it was always very special to me. 

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr rossgellerfanclub 5 times 

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? does anyone wanna pay for my college 

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? no

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? shapeshifting 

86: What is my current desktop picture? a pixelated ocean and sky it’s very cute 

88: Bought condoms? no

89: Gotten pregnant? no 

90: Failed a class? maybe? to be seen 

91: Kissed a boy? yes

92: Kissed a girl? yes for a scene at school 

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no

94: Had job? define job 

95: Left the house without my wallet? yes

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no

97: Had sex in public? no

98: Played on a sports team? no

99: Smoked weed? no

100: Did drugs? no

101: Smoked cigarettes? no

102: Drank alcohol? a sip once or twice and it’s bad man i hate it 

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? paleo bitch!!!!

104: Been overweight? ya

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding? yes several 

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? yes easily 

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? yes easily 

109: Been outside my home country? yes

110: Gotten my heart broken? no 

111: Been to a professional sports game? yes

112: Broken a bone? no

113: Cut myself? yes

114: Been to prom? yes

115: Been in airplane? yes

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? american idol but the season with carrie underwood 

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? no

119: Learned another language? like partial sure

120: Wore make up? yes

123: Dyed my hair? yes

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes

125: Rode in an ambulance? yes

126: Had a surgery? no

127: Met someone famous? yes! a few but i don’t feel like listing

128: Stalked someone on a social network? we all have

129: Peed outside? no

130: Been fishing? no

131: Helped with charity? yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? yes

133: Broken a mirror? no

134: What do I want for birthday? cash and a nice dinner and maybe a kiss!!

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 2! i would like a boy and a girl. Names like Ezra and Porter and stuff idk 

136: Was I named after anyone? Elaine from Seinfeld, cause her nickname was Laney 

137: Do I like my handwriting? it’s alright yeah 

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? i loved barbies man and I had a lovely babydoll 

139: Favourite Tv Show? 30 Rock 

140: Where do I want to live when older? NYC then Chicago then somewhere weird like Vermont and then Germany 

141: Play any musical instrument? i used to play flute and a lil piano but now like nothing. trying to work a vocal looper tho 

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? cutting myself

143: Favourite pizza toping? caramelized onion and basil 

144: Am I afraid of the dark? yeah a bit 

145: Am I afraid of heights? yeah

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? i made a friend online when I was like 12 and did not tell my parents lol 

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? yes of course

148: What I’m really bad at dancing 

149: What my greatest achievements are surviving ptsd is pretty fkn cool 

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me not discussing that here 

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery pay off college, pay off my parents debt, donate to charity, buy myself some luxury apartments and a dog, some amazing food, get some good bras, see a ton of shows on broadway!!!!!

152: What do I like about myself persistence and humor 

153: My closest Tumblr friend jenna we don’t talk much anymore but I’ll always love that b 

154: Something I fantasize about being a greek goddess or in the center of a victorian love triangle quite honestly 

155: Any question you’d like? ------ N/A

THANKIE!!!!!!!