#idk I didn’t want to be ungrateful but I was in legitimate distress

[shortnotsweet]

I got a kind of upsetting ask the other day about my Rhaenicent art. It wasn’t malicious, but it was phrased (non-verbatim) like: “you draw Rhaenyra much prettier than she is in the show. I enjoy your art, though!” and although I knew they meant well and I was glad they could appreciate what I made, my first instinctive reaction was to feel indignant, followed by rage and then sadness, and eventually a more contemplative state.

I started sketching Rhaenyra because I thought she was beautiful. She has sort of bone structure that is both strong and delicate, aristocratic, and has a very fine nose, the kind that makes for a sharp profile. I started drawing Rhaenicent admittedly because I wanted an excuse to sketch her in all kinds of armor—full suits, armored dresses, etc. and the scenario I imagined at first was one in which she donned armor and presented Alicent with a crown of flowers in a tourney.

I think the term “pretty” is subjective, obviously, and incredibly personal, but often very telling nonetheless. It irked me slightly first because oftentimes there’s a lot of focus both by editorial photoshoots and official promotional content to emphasize Olivia Cooke’s beauty in comparison to and sometimes to undermine Emma D’Arcy’s, and we know why: it’s not about objective attractiveness but rather conventional feminine presentation. This is also reflective, I think, in fan consumption. That’s not to say that Olivia Cooke is not gorgeous—she definitely is, and I think she has one of the strongest performances in the show. BUT it pisses me off instinctively when comments about Emma being less attractive crop up, because they genuinely ARE attractive, they just are not as feminine presenting. Fans or anti’s or whoever often bring this up in a competitive sort of way, either in an IRL context or in the actual show. So it feels more like a projection of “they are less feminine and therefore less beautiful”, which is ridiculous, and extends to Rhaenyra the character, who is female. The showrunner’s themselves made a lot of…questionable decisions, I think, given hair and wardrobe and characterization, to align the idea of a less feminine character automatically being less comfortable in their own clothes and therefore being given less-than-flattering and uncharacteristically non-ornate clothing as a result, as if their idea of non gender-confirming suggests frumpiness, or lack of confidence. That’s the thing about pretty, I think, that set me off. People suffer for pretty. People are happy because of pretty, or apathetic. People die and kill themselves for pretty. Pretty means things, like not ugly, not-not good enough, my standards, your standards, acceptable bodies, things like that.

The text has a lot to say about female beauty and presentation and identity and what the public projects onto young women on the basis of femininity and vulnerability, and the narrative even includes smear campaigns alleging Alicent’s supposed beauty and thinness over Rhaenyra’s waning youth, due to having children in rapid succession. The text largely grapples with the bloody transition from girlhood to womanhood and the question how women should or shouldn’t behave, and the consequences for doing either. Our own society and the society of the text align physical beauty with moral righteousness, and of course the ideal of physical beauty is heavily based on our own patriarchal, in this case Western standard of femininity. All’s that to say, I remember rereading the ask and thinking: “Less pretty? What does that mean?”

I’m not insinuating that they were trying to necessarily compliment or insult the actors, or that they were trying to belittle my own ability. It just felt strange to me, and disheartening: incredible effect, for only being about two sentences. Perhaps they meant “less accurate” in which case there could be an argument made, but still, it was a rude and backhanded way to phrase it, perhaps. I could just be overthinking it. Maybe it was just my ego that was bruised, that could be it.

The universe that I usually draw Alicent and Rhaenyra in, as stated in the tags, is a show-to-book hybrid, with a substantive age gap and different plot points. Both women are considered conventionally beautiful by their society’s standards. The Rhaenyra usually being drawn is usually a teen, sometimes a young adult, somewhere between Millie and Emma’s portrayal, and while I use references for both, the in-between is not a fixed face, and there is no definitive reference for her older and younger self. Perhaps that makes her “less accurate” which I wouldn’t argue with, but to me, accuracy is not the point when I draw from that universe and it discourages me that it has to be stated. I don’t want to draw Rhaenicent if the reaction is that I am not drawing them to an acceptable or comparable standard of pretty.

Similarly, while Alicent is loosely based off of Olivia Cooke largely bc she’s got great expressions and because the show’s visuals still play a part, half the time she is simply drawn as a woman with a round face and large eyes. Occasionally I draw and picture her with black or dark brown hair instead of red. There is no fixed face for her; she is an amalgamation. Maybe she is as ‘pretty’ as her onscreen counterpart, maybe not. It’s subjective, again.

I enjoy asks immensely. It makes me happy when people ask me questions, when they let me know what they’re thinking, when they make me think. I don’t want people to stop, and the vast majority have been wonderful to receive. This one made me think, definitely. It made me reflect. It also made my stomach twist and my drawing hand (that’s my left) twitch. I like drawing pretty things. I curate my Instagram and Tumblr based on pretty things. I like to look at pretty people. If I’m not pretty, I want to die. God, I should be sick of it.