#idek what i spilled im p sure there are things i didnt wanna spill anywhere so carelessly like this

[tiiramaisu]

A bigass negative rant post just ignore and a huge tw i guess

I am so sick of feeling so unhappy and fighting a constant battle everyday struggling to get something, anything at all done but failing even in the most miniscule task i just can’t physically do it I’m tired of battling these urges every single day that get so much worse at night and idk whats even the reason im not giving in and i feel like im back at square one where i used to feel like no one fucking cares about me even the two people i thought did and my stability with them aka my friends is wavering so much again and I can’t take living like this and everyone is going on ahead with their lives literally everyone is so ahead of me while I used to be the one who was mostly one step ahead during my childhood years and I used to think I was someone who had her ambition sorted out and now I’m not sure about anything I don’t even know who i am or what i am and I’m sick of this personality crisis all over again and this woman i live with spouts horrible crap to my brother and I can do nothing about it absolutely nothing and I feel like absolute crap about that and dad is going crazy with stress or work or whatever idk but hes yelling and acting so weird and his mood and him have always had a huge fuckinh effect on me and im sick of constantly getting reminded im not good enough never will be and I feel like maybe my skin issues are coming back and I’m terrified that’s the last thing I could deal with rn I thought I’d get better after my last birthday cause it actually went good but its been so long now and I just feel like I’m only getting worseI can’t and don’t want to do any of this

I want someone to do horrible things to me like hurt me hit me say terrible shit please I need someone solid to blame at least so I can have rage directed at someone or a valid enough reason to be like this cause right now it’s only me it’s all my fault it always is but again what proves even if someone did i would even realize it maybe id still fail to see that and blame myself cause thats the only thing i can do and i have this fucking broken brain of mine that I can’t fucking trust I’m so, so so tired

I’m so tired. I’m exhausted. I’m just sick of all this I’m sick of myself