#idek how the tagging system works really

[junewi02]

Oh man I really need to make a navigation/intro post or something....

Or even a commission sheet?????? Or anything at all?????? My bio is also empty as hell but I hate this kind of stuff GAH

[listentothelittlebird]

I would be embarrassed at how quickly i did this but frankly i’m not! So @skizzlemanweek hi :)

Day 1: calm / chaos - I think I’m supposed to pick one but. Uh. I didn’t

word count: 1079

AU: idk man i made it up. Brain go brrrr

enjoy :D

-

This is what Skizz knows: elytras do not agree with him. This is not because he does not know how to fly. Moreover, he knows how to fly too well. Born in the air, flying his whole life, and only learning to walk as a teen. 

When he joins Hermitcraft, he brute forces his way through learning elytra until Impulse brute forces him into talking with Xisuma. Now he flies with his wings, though the wind will not answer his call, has not answered him since he left his home.

This is what Skizz, and all the hermits, have discovered: that the new world has brought them enemies that command the air. That their droppings, when grinded down, form handheld blasts of wind, pockets of air that they can twist to their will.

“You got the wind charges?”

Impulse is just a speck of yellow in the distance, nearly indistinguishable against the sunlight. Skizz has to use his communicator to talk to him, with how far away he stands. 

“Yeah, I got them.” A pause, a message flying through the worldwide channel. “Oh, hold on. Tango wants to watch.”

“Get him to bring his own wind charges!” A shadow zips over Skizz’s head, Zedaph descending onto his own haphazard column of red sand. It makes Skizz feel like the widest sandwich on earth, with Impulse on one side and Zedaph on the other.

Skizz shakes out his wings, idly catching a stray feather as it floats around his face. His skin feels restless, though the heat is probably just as much to blame.

Skizz waits for Tango to join their voice channel before he starts pestering him.

“Hurry up!” He bellows, cackling when Tango responds with muttered blaze noises and the sound of whistling rockets.

“Have you guys tested this yet?” Tango asks, as he quickly assembles his own pillar into the sky, slapping together a frankly unnecessary amount of scaffolding.

“Nope!” Zedaph chimes brightly. “Well, Impulse says Grian tested it out, but only Gem was with him to throw the wind charges. And Grian’s not even windborn! I bet Skizz can do much more than blow some guardians out of a lake.”

“At least Xisuma’s around.” Impulse pauses as he types a message, and relays the replies to them. “He’s got a backup copy saved. Feel free to let loose, Skizz.”

“We should’ve done this at your base, then!” Skizz shakes his wings out again, looks around at the barren landscape of their sand collection point. 

They know Skizz well enough, by now. Even with a backup saved, just being near to their precious architecture would make Skizz dial it down by the dozens.

Here, though, is no man’s land.

“Okay!” Tango has finally ascended his scaffolding. “Reefy!”

“Great!” Without warning, white wisps explode towards Skizz from Zedaph’s pillar. The gust kicks up the sand beside him, ruffling his feathers. “Oops, sorry! Test shot!”

“Wait, wait!” Skizz eyes the horizon and plops down his bedroll. “Let me snooze.”

It gives him a moment of calm, a chance to settle his thoughts and get into the space he needs to do this well. By the time his bedroll is rolled up, his valuables stashed away in his ender chest, he can feel the difference.

The air in this desert is warm, slowly floating upwards from the sheer heat of the sand. When he breathes, the air shifts. It does the same near Zedaph, near Impulse, near Tango.

Skizz closes his eyes. “Fire another test shot for me.”

The burst of wind comes from Impulse this time. Skizz sidesteps the blast and opens his eyes to take in the impact as it collides with the sand. The white wisps glow brighter now that Skizz is concentrating, and he diligently tracks as the magic fades. 

“Alright. When I say go, just keep firing until you run out of blasts, okay?”

Skizz nods as his friends agree. 

“Right. Three, two, one…go!”

Skizz tracks the first wind charges as they whizz towards him, not with his eyes but with the honed instincts of a windborn. The wind charges part the air like icebreakers in the ocean, barreling towards their destination with no care for detours.

Three seconds before the wind charges reach Skizz, he spreads his wings. Two seconds, and he flaps them, feathers glowing aether white. One second, and a swirling ring curls around Skizz, just in time to catch the wind charges.

The ring quickly engulfs Skizz’s sight, shooting far past his head faster than any time before. It takes a moment for Skizz to hear his friends cheering through his communicator, because the wind is so loud it creates a veritable vacuum of sound.

When Skizz tilts his head up, he can only gape. The wind charges have gained a glow akin to his wings, swirling upwards in a spiral that can only be described as a tornado. The pure white has become a dusty maroon, sand sifting through the currents like an ocean on land.

In the middle of it all, the eye of the storm, stands Skizz. For the first time since leaving his birthplace for good, the skies have bent to his will.

“Skizz!” Impulse yells through the communicator, barely restrained glee in his voice. “We’re out of wind charges! How’s it looking in there?”

Skizz takes in everything one more time, the way the vortex seems to turn without a sign of slowing, and can only laugh. 

“Oh, it’s looking pretty calm here. I could take a nap.”

“You’re nuts!” Tango yelps. He never got used to extreme weather in the overworld, and it still shows. “I’m about to fall off all this scaffolding, and you want to take a nap?”

Skizz grins, and shifts his feet. When he moves, step by step, the tornado follows.

His wings have to stay outstretched to keep the tornado going, but flying around has kept them more than strong enough to hold the air for a little while longer. 

“Want to join me, Top?”

It takes a moment, but then Tango is letting out a blaze shriek and firing several rockets at once, to the unhelpful cackling of Impulse and Zedaph. Skizz elects to ignore them for now. The day is still young, and their own whirlwind terrors will come soon. 

A test jump is enough to tell Skizz that the wind will carry him, far faster and further than any elytra there is.

Skizz grins, and gives chase.

[cowardstiel]

LMAO i ordered vegan dumplings and they gave me pork ;-; ate one and a half even though i knew something was off bc i’m trying to work through food contamination issues and i literally always panic that food has meat in it. but this has like confirmed my anxieties unforch x_x during the week i managed to share a pizza that was half vegetarian and half pepperoni! so that was a big step. but like. strait up pork. worst part is the dumplings SUCKED LOL!!!

[disconnectwire]

First time trying adhd meds and made an almost 4 hour voice recording listing every single thought i experienced throughout

[emkaii]

in a random thought (more like this plot bunny has been living in my head rent free since this "what if" fic started and now i cant stop myself from sharing it after so many months? years? idek)

thank you to @feynites for the wonderful fic above that i continue to go back re-reading again and again

(also tagging @wangxianficrecs even though im not sure they share scum villain fics *sobs*)

! tw: death !

WHAT IF SCENARIO

og!sj dies the night of yqy & lqg wedding because of heartbreak? (because real heartbreak can literally kill in this fanfic universe) just, like, he dies. that's it. no shen yuan to transmigrate in his body as replacement.

so, og!sj was in seclusion punishment during that night right? and he was only allowed outside to attend the wedding itself. (am i right? or if not, meh)

so shen jiu dies in his bedroom, alone. lbh tries to enter his room to help him prepare for the wedding but doesn't get an answer (bc og!sj is ded), so lbh leaves bc he's obviously afraid of entering the room without og!sj's permission in fear of punishment.

the wedding is completed without sj arriving and everyone just assumes that he's bitter about the whole thing and doesn't attend as a show of rebellion.

also, since he's in secluded punishment and the servants doesn't like him, no one approaches or even tries to enter his room. lbh tries to tell the upper servants that it has been almost a full night & day that og!sj hasn't responded to anything outside his room, but of course, they don't listen to him.

so, he tries to directly report to yqy. who at this point is feeling disappointed? relieved? (even he himself doesn't know) that sj did not cause any problems to his new wedding. so, he goes to check on sj.

he tries to ask permission to enter the room, no answer.

tries to lengthen sj's punishment if he continues to be stubborn, no answer.

tries to threaten that he will break the door, no answer.

yqy gets nervous. something doesn't feel right.

sj is not the type to stay quiet.

he forcefully opens the door.

and he finds sj looking peacefully asleep.

but there's something wrong in the picture. sj was too quiet. too still.

yqy realizes that he can't hear sj breathing. he can't see any movement. at all.

he flies to sj's bedside.

tries to take his wrist to check his condition, and whole body-flinches at the cold skin. sj's body was stiff. and as a highly accomplished cultivator, yqy knows the state of a dead body more than a few hours after death.

he whispers, "a-jiu?"

sj' body would look peaceful in death, if not for the dried tear tracks in his face.

(I don't know how to describe/write it but i want yqy's reaction to be utter devastation, something similar or worse than his reaction in this fanfic's og novel when sj died in the original timeline)

minutes or hours later (yqy doesn't know, doesn't know or aware of his surroundings anymore), after mqf arrives and checks the situation after a frantic lbh tells lqg about sj and lqg flies to have mqf at their estate, mqf states:

"his body showed signs of grief sickness. in this case, his lungs decided to stop taking in air, his mind decided to stop all functions of his body, and his heart just decided to stop beating. i can say that it occurred around 24 hours ago."

24 hours ago.

24 hours ago was when sj tried to convince yqy not to proceed with the wedding for his new husband.

24 hours ago was when sj tried to tell yqy that he'd rather die than let yqy have a second husband.

yqy ignored him.

and now a-jiu is dead.

"A-Jiu couldn’t survive his husband marrying another man. That person died the day Yue Qingyuan married Liu Qingge"

AND THIS IS THE LINE FROM THE ORIGINAL FIC THAT INSPIRED THIS PLOT BUNNY.

i really do sometimes love making myself cry with my thoughts and ideas. now im sharing these to the world. and now i want to re-read, for the 8th? 9th? time, this whole wonderful series.

[himbeereule]

(please excuse my language. normally i don't swear, but i'm really not well right now.)

tomorrow is my birthday (fuck)

i also have a presentation tomorrow (i haven't started on it yet, and i don't have any powerpoint-esque software to begin with. fuck)

i also have two exams tomorrow (i wasn't present when we learned the stuff that'll get asked there, i haven't started trying to catch up, and there is no script or comparable materials to do that to begin with. fuck)

i went outside and there were too many people and my brain went "seems like a good time to start a major depressive episode!" (fuck)

i'll call in sick to school tomorrow because otherwise i'll 100% unalive myself (i already have trouble with my boss because of too many sick days - they were all during school blocs. idek why he cares as long as my grades are fine, but i might end up losing the job once my contract runs out. fuck)

i mean, i'm aware that i'm just whining, but seriously. how fucking unfair can the world be. with my set of issues, i should be dead or in a closed psychiatric facility. but because i happen to be really good at most things, people expect me to constantly overperform. which i can't. i barely function at all. i lost my last job because of too many sick days; two days later, they hired me back because the whole department fell apart without me. when my boss at my current job warned me about the number of sick days (even though almost all of them were during school blocs which i'll be done with next year anyway) he told me i only have a chance still because if i'm there 80% of the time i'm still way more productive than others who are never sick.

don't know where i'm going with this - again, just pathetic whining, feel free to ignore - but the bitterness has to go somewhere i guess. i stumbled through the entire school system, every single teacher/professor i had was like "oooh, you're really good, i expect great things from you" and then did EXACTLY NOTHING to help with that - on the contrary, they actively hindered me by insisting on petty bureaucratic bullshit. so now i'm stuck with a mediocre upper-level graduation paper that makes me a "specialist worker" but also bars me from studying any of the things i actually could get through despite my issues; and i can't keep any job, because, despite outperforming pretty much everyone in productivity in all my jobs, i can't get consistent attendence rates, and HR shift planners hate that.

welp, i'll try to work on the project(s) at least. don't want to disappoint everyone here as much as i'm disappointing myself and everyone else.

(also, it feels so fucking weird to add tags to this, like... my immediate reaction is "huh? i'm not writing this to get attention, i don't need tags!"; but then i realize i am absolutely doing this for attention, because note number go up makes brain give dopamine shot like one of these early 2000s coin machines where you'd get grimy 10 year old candy if you tricked the mechanism into working... still not adding all the diagnosis tags though this time, the guilt i'd feel over this isn't worth the potential extra readers)

[bonesandthebees]

Hi again Bee.

Thank you for lending an ear to listen even if I just kinda showed up. I really appreciate it. I've actually been reading through some of your other stories and they're very good (I adore the fae works!).

When it comes to Wilbur, I'm just. Very disappointed and upset. Of course I support Shubble and am glad she spoke out, it's very important and I'm glad that it's encouraged others to come forward with their own stories of abuse at the hands of large creators. At the same time though part of me wishes she hadn't said anything, so I could have continued as I was, in blissful ignorance, even if I feel really guilty for thinking like that.

It just saddens me that someone I looked up to so much ended up being this horrible person. It makes me worried that I too am bad, that somehow he has imprinted his awfulness unto me. I used to be horrible too. I like to think I've grown as a person, I was only a kid, but have I? Or was being drawn to Wilbur a sign? Like attracting like?

Y'know, I used to say that my hair style goals were how Wilbur's hair is, and recently I got a haircut. When I took a shower earlier it ended up floofing up in a similar way to his. I don't know how to feel about that. Maybe I should style it differently, even though I like the floof. I don't want to be even a little reminiscent of an abuser.

I am reminiscent of him though, in ways I can't change. I used to feel so seen by him, we're both song writers, and hypochondriacs, and I wanted to be him so badly I would cry. I would cry because he was everything I desperately craved to be as an insecure transmasc, an attractive guy with a beautiful voice and an amazing life. And now he's horrible, and probably always has been, and all of my memories of him are tainted.

I hate that I can't listen to Lovejoy anymore. It feels unfair to the other band members. It isn't their fault Wilbur is awful, and yet I'm taking away a source of their income. I know I'm taking away from Wilbur too, but he's only one person out of the group. Maybe that's just me giving an excuse so that I won't have to stop enjoying their music. It doesn't matter, I can't stomach listening to them anymore anyways.

I keep getting songs from YCGMA stuck in my head. It's like now that I can't listen to it anymore my brain has decided to fuck with me by making me listen to it anyways. I can't even justify listening to that album, that's just Wilbur's music. I was going to cover a song from that album for fun. Now I can't.

Is it bad I still find comfort in Wilbur as a character? C!Tommy is my favorite, but C!Wilbur is almost always a huge part of any C!Tommy story and I love C!Wilbur stories too. I know C! ≠ CC! but I just. It's complicated.

Idek why I'm this upset. I haven't been an avid watcher of anyone in the DSMP in at least over a year. If anything this whole thing has brought me back into the fandom more than I have been in ages. I feel bad about that, but also this situation has introduced me to people like Aimsey, whose content I'm seeing more of and I find myself enjoying.

I've also found more great DSMP fics lately in my quest to binge read them before the mass deletions start. Is it bad to find good things in a bad situation?

I'm sorry for the lack of put togetherness and the length of this ask. I promise I'm usually more coherent and to the point.

-Tech (just call me Tech like a name, "tech anon" feels weird heh)

hey tech, sorry for a bit of a late reply I've been busy the past few days

(sorry about the 'tech anon' thing, it's just a habit since that's how I refer to most of my anons. I'm going to still tag your ask as tech anon though just for my tagging system if that's okay)

I'm so glad you like the fae stories!! I'm still so proud of both of those looking back on them

anyway, yeah, I get that. I get the guilty wish that none of this had ever come out so you could just continue to go on in blissful ignorance. when someone learns something very upsetting, it's only natural to feel like you wish you never learned that. you don't need to feel guilty for that. you're not a bad person for your emotional reactions to things. your actions are what matters.

also, you are in no way a bad person because you were drawn to wilbur's content. the persona wilbur put on for the internet was not representative of who he actually was. you were drawn to the facade. an illusion of the person wilbur could've been, if he actually practiced the things he preached. you said you used to be a bad person, but you've changed. the fact that you are worried at all that you might still be bad shows a level of self-awareness and concern that wilbur apparently did not have. because wilbur was aware he was a bad person and treated the people around him terribly, but he didn't care to try and be better. as long as you're trying to be better, you're already leagues ahead of him.

also, regarding the hair, the floofy fringe is an incredibly common haircut. that is not exclusive to wilbur soot. you do not look like him if your hair does the floof similarly to his, it just makes you look like thousands of other dudes with fluffy fringe.

the day after shelby first streamed I had an MSR song stuck in my head and I hated it so much. it really sucks. you just have to try and drown it out with other music

it's not hypocritical at all to still find comfort in c!wilbur. I know it's complicated, and there's so much discussion I could get into as to why it's so complicated, but we can all separate the guy and the character in our heads. there's no reason to feel guilty about that. and there's also nothing bad about finding good in this situation. I think it's really sweet that you've found so many great fics in this time and I'm so glad you've been getting comfort from them. you're appreciating the authors hard work and that's a good thing! you don't need to feel bad about that

I hope you're doing okay tech

[potential-fate]

Navigation // Masterpost

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m WCIF friendly, but I also have a lot of old stuff in my game, so I can’t guarantee anything. I should at least be able to give you names though! Please send them via ask though, otherwise I might miss them or forget!

I make TS2 CC exclusively (you will find no ts4 cc here.) and write semi-interesting soap opera style posts based vaguely around gameplay. (with a lot of artistic liberty.) That being said, my writing has some darker themes. I tag appropriately with “tw xxx” as the standard. (ie: “tw death”) please read at your own risk. I’m willing to add extra tw tags for regular readers/mutuals/etc if you send me a dm.

if you follow me with an empty blog that has no pfp or a generic ‘hot person’ pfp I’m gonna assume you’re a bot and block you. just a heads up.

(if you only want to see my posts, and no reblogs, all my posts are tagged "my posts" for more specifics, read on)

Current Story (Master Post)

Ten years ago, Arkhelios' "quiet" town was thrown into chaos when one of their beloved founders, Abraham Helios, was found murdered in the park one late night. With no real leads, and no laws as safety nets in place, the case went cold and the town hasn't been the same since. Salem Bellamy stepped up to take over in Abraham's wake, but the peace that followed is strained at best. With new complications on the rise, and the older generation fighting to establish a social hierarchy, the younger generation of residents struggle to find their place, and move on from their traumatic childhoods. But can one really move on, when what's dead and buried doesn't stay that way?

My Custom Content:

// [pfate tag] // (All my CC) // [Whole SFS Folder] // (it might be a mess) // [Google Doc Master Post] // (includes images) // [Object Default Database] // (a GD database for ts2 B/B defaults) // [Pearshape Fat Morph Project] // (info || tag)

Note:

My custom content follows the same tagging system I use for cc finds, so it will also be mixed in with those tags if you’re looking for something specific. You can also find only my custom content via the “dl: xxx” tags (ie: “dl: hair”) or on my Pillowfort.

TOU is basically just don’t say you made it yourself, feel free to do whatever you want with it though, just don’t put anything created with my shit behind a paywall… and idek a link/credit or an @ would be pretty chill. it’s not 100% necessary though.

I don’t really take requests, but feel free to make a suggestion. Just don’t be alarmed if I say I’m not interested.

(hiatus/retired) Pleasantview Fanfic. ((Master Post))

What happened in Pleasantview after Bella Goth's disappearance? How did the other citizens fare from the aftermath, and how does one exactly grow up when your parents can't seem to get a handle on their own lives? Follow the slice-of-life storyline of the teens and young adults from pleasantview, with a few cameos from other neighborhoods.

Other’s Content:

(Other simmer’s works, these will all also be generally tagged: reblog) —————————————————————————————— Sims 2 Custom Content Finds Tag Masterpost —————————————————————————————— Other common tags: Sims Artwork // Sims Memes // Sims 4 // sims stories ——————————————————————————————

Stories to Read list

The occasional TS4 post I make will be tagged pfate ts4

[ceilidho]

hey! i really wanna start writing fan fics for varying fandoms but idek how to start or make a master list. would you mind giving some tips please? (i understand if it’s difficult to explain or whatever 🥰)

HI!!! oh you really should - there are never enough writers imo!!

i ramble a lot so putting this below a read more so it doesn't mess up anyone's dashboard.

it totally depends on how you like to work, but the way I got started with specifically writing on tumblr (which is diff than writing on twitter or just straight on ao3, where i started) was just to write things, tag them, and send them out into the world before i had enough of a backlog to justify making a masterlist.

i think masterlists depend on how organized you like to be. mine is actually very sparse and i've seen people with wayyyy more impressive, detailed lists that include really pretty graphics, a more robust tagging system (I just have my main prompt tags depending on the pairing and the section for any of my longer fics), and even sometimes multiple masterlists (a "main" and then sublists) if they write for more than one fandom, which you might want to consider.

some more salient tips i could offer would be:

decide early on what tags you want to use for each piece of writing you produce (i ended up just using random cod tags to ensure people could find my writing and now my tags are SO disorganized because of it ugh)

look at examples from other writers for masterlist inspo! that rly helped me create mine.

create some kind of general/overall writing tag that you ALWAYS use no matter what fandom/pairing/etc so you never lose anything into the bowels of your blog lmao. i use "ceil writing" for everything so it'll always be in at least 1 tag even if i misapply/miswrite all the other tags.

i hope this helps! otherwise, if you've written before and just never for tumblr specifically (or if you're new to writing altogether):

a) just go for it, like just write and try things out and see what works and what doesn't, and

b) remember how tumblr works (tags, read mores for longer pieces, formatting with line/paragraph breaks, etc) because the reading experience is HUGELY impacted by the visual component (and also tumblr's tagging system, like that's how i find all my fave writers and artists)

[3416]

now tracking: #useream

i’m so late to the game on this, but you can tag me in anything 911 lone star... or frankly anything you’ve seen on my blog before. gifs/fics/art/edits idc! i don’t wanna miss your stuff if we’re mutuals and it applies ❣️❣️❣️

[emiliosandozsequence]

I decided to introduce myself a little more by telling you some fun facts about myself:

tagged by my bro ​😎 @naysaltysalmon

emilio| they/them | lesbian | nonbinary | pisces (☀️) taurus (🌙) pisces (🌅)

~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~

🌌 i'm puerto rican and irish mostly and that's definitely what shows in my appearance and personality i think too (lol)

🌌 i finished writing 7 book before the age of 21, but i haven't finished a thing since bc of a variety of factors; i am finally working on a novel again though woohoo!!

🌌 i'm a fictive in a traumagenic system caused by a really shitty upbringing (no, fictive is not the same thing as kin); for comparison: to those of you that have read the sparrow, my childhood was rakhat without all the happy parts.

🌌 i'm also chronically ill and disabled, but lol for the love of g-d i don't know what with because doctors are horrifyingly ableist

🌌 i can play the violin and piano and read music, but i have done none of those things in a good long while and i'm actually much better at learning things by ear; i also have perfect pitch, and i think i'm a much better singer than i am violin or piano player.

🌌 i can fence and irish dance; i taught myself how to irish dance by obsessively watching riverdance growing up, but i quit when i started middle school because a) the teacher was a fucking cunt and b) that's when i started really first feeling the effects of having a body that Doesn't Work Right

🌌 i had thyroid cancer in 2016 and so i don't have a thyroid anymore lol, which means i have a really hard time regulating my temperature. i also don't have a gall bladder, which means i have a really hard time eating fatty foods without...revisiting those meals.

🌌 emilio sandoz is me in ways i cannot even begin to describe. like i said that when i finished the book the first time around, but hot fucking damn; i'm rereading during my annotating and posting of quotes on the account i made on twitter and i'm just rerealizing this all over again and it's fucking insane. maybe someday i'll write that dissertation and it'll just be a self-centered, self-indulgent essay about why emilio sandoz and i are the same person; also likely an essay about how fucking amazing mary doria russell illustrates the effects of that level of trauma (coming from someone who has experienced it).

🌌 this really isn't news to anyone who follows me (or read the last point lol) but the sparrow series by mary doria russell is my all time favorite book sequence. i really really REALLY want to be able to talk to mary doria russell one on one about it and fantasize about doing so daily, but the closest i've gotten to that was her approving of my fancast that i posted on twitter.

🌌 i love animals and particularly cats <3 i have two cats that are very definitely mine, but my fiancee's family also has three other cats that cling to me in various ways too. i love them all dearly and love being the resident cat mom; i literally am being followed by at least one of them at all times.

🌌 i love score music. all time favorite genre of music hands down holy fuck. i listen to....usually the score or playlist score i've created of whatever i'm hyperfixating on at the moment; you can see all of those playlists on my spotify. also, according to my spotify, the only lyrical artist i enjoy regularly outside of my score music genre is ethel cain <3

🌌 my favorite genre of media is philosophical sci-fi (examples: foundation, halo, the sparrow, the fountain, annihilation, arrival, sunshine, i origins, the matrix, interstellar, etc.). idek why tbh. i do love space and science a whole lot, but i just came to the realization that this is my genre of choice rather recently when my fiancee pointed it out.

🌌 my biggest special interests are space (and literally everything to do with it; in particular string theory, theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, etc), linguistics, volcanology, religion, and really anything to do with STEM.

~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~🪷~

I hope you’ll reblog and give a few fun facts about yourself so we can get to know each other a little better~! Open to all!

Tagging: @creaturecomplex @chateauofmymind @sarayashikis @thinking-in-broken-scenes @good-as-dead @dykeromanroy @smallredb0y @redwindflower

[hongism]

shifting desires - j. jaehyun x reader x mark lee

➻ pairing: jaehyun x fem!reader x mark

➻ wc: 3.2k

➻ genre: smut, pwp

➻ rating: M, 18+

➻ warnings: threesome, explicit smut, oral sex: m & f, fingering, face-fucking, slight choking on dick, multiple orgasms, creampie, cum eating, unprotected sex!!! wrap it before you tap it folks!!!!, idek what else to tag

➻ summary: jaehyun is bold but he’s never been this bold, especially not during a movie night with you and mark.

➻ requested by: @wheresmymoniat

➻ prompts:

“Are you really watching porn right beside me?”

​​

You drop your head onto Jaehyun’s shoulder, a small sigh leaving your lips as you watch the TV screen with increasing boredom. His hand comes to rest on your thigh and squeezes the muscle before beginning to rub small circles against your clothed skin. He has his phone in one hand, and he’s watching something on the screen rather than looking at the TV, but you can’t see what he’s doing. Mark sits on the other side of the couch, feet propped on your lap, and he watches the television with much more enthusiasm than either you or Jaehyun.

A few minutes pass like that, and you feel your eyelids starting to grow heavy as you rest against your friend’s shoulder. All of a sudden, he shifts under you, and you jolt into a sitting position again. Mark glances over as you move quickly. Your eyes are on Jaehyun, however, and you try to figure out what caused his sudden movement. He doesn’t look back, gaze still glued to his phone screen without a care in the world. It’s like you and Mark don’t exist at all, and you want nothing more than to smack the device out of his hand so he actually pays attention.

Rather than doing that though, you just reach forward and grab the phone from him.

“No!” Jaehyun exclaims automatically, but it’s too late because you’ve already got the device in your hands. Mark leans forward to glance over your shoulder and see the screen as well. Neither of you are ready for what you see. It’s a lewd image that causes your jaw to drop. Mark chokes out a nervous laugh that you know is only an attempt to veil his embarrassment. Jaehyun lunges towards you and grabs the phone back, and you can’t even fight back in your shock.

“Are you really watching porn right beside me?” You ask, tone incredulous as you look to Jaehyun’s face. You expect to see some form of embarrassment on his features, but he just shrugs and returns to watching the screen. “Jaehyun!”

“What? I can put it on the TV if you’d like.”

You choke at his suggestion, but Jaehyun continues to have zero shame. He presses his legs further open, revealing the prominent tent in his grey sweatpants, and you try your best to avoid looking at him again.

“At least go to the bedroom, for fuck’s sake,” you grumble as you pull your legs up on the couch and curl into yourself. You move to lean against Mark this time, but he shifts away from you awkwardly.

“I-I, uh…” His voice dies in his throat as you turn to look at him now. A faint blush dusts his cheeks. He’s dragged a pillow over his lap, but now that you know what Jaehyun is watching, you know exactly what’s hiding under that pillow.

“Are you serious?” You ask, releasing a deep sigh. Mark swallows in response and doesn’t meet your eyes.

“He’s probably thinking about fucking you like the video,” Jaehyun pipes up. The words send both you and Mark into a state of shock. Mark starts laughing only to choke on his saliva and fall into a fit of coughs. You whip around to glare at Jaehyun’s form. When you turn to him, you find his gaze on you. His phone is gone, and he’s turned his body towards you. Your eyes flit down to the tent in his pants.

“W-What?” You stammer even though you know exactly what Jaehyun means. Jaehyun has always been bold and a bit on the flirty side; that’s something you’ve known since the start of your friendship. This is completely different. It was just a friendship, and it’s always been that way. The same goes for Mark, except Mark is marginally less intense and a lot more shy. The three of you have a solid friendship, and while Jaehyun is not shy about talking about his exploits in the bedroom (or other places), he’s never directed those exploits towards you.

Jaehyun pushes closer to you on the couch. Your heart begins to speed up as he edges closer and closer. You reach behind you to support yourself when you lean away from Jaehyun, but your hand makes contact with the pillow over Mark’s lap instead. He groans at the pressure. You don’t intend for the sound to affect you the way it does, but Mark’s moan sends a surge of arousal straight to your core.

“I said… he’s probably thinking of fucking you like the guy in the video,” Jaehyun repeats, voice falling to a whisper. “Or seeing you get fucked like that.” Something about the way Jaehyun says the words causes your core to coil. You press your thighs together to alleviate some of the sudden pressure between your legs. Jaehyun notices the small movements, a smirk overtaking his lips. “Do you like the idea of that?”

“I… yes.” Your voice is faint, nothing more than a whisper that can barely be heard over the rumble of the television. Jaehyun’s lips twitch, tongue darting out to moisten them, and you follow the movement with your eyes.

“Do you like the idea of me kissing you, Y/N?” Comes Jaehyun’s next question, and he’s already leaning in before you can answer. You respond by leaning towards Jaehyun. His lips ghost over yours, delicate and soft against you, and you sink into the sensation. His tongue pokes at your lower lip, and you don’t hesitate in granting him access to your wet cavern. He hums into your mouth, tongue swirling against yours. Jaehyun’s hands find your hips, gripping the flesh tightly, and he tugs you into his lap. You drape your arms over his shoulders and dig your fingers into his hair. His tongue is warm against yours, and you know that he’s going to overpower you but you still wrestle for dominance.

You nearly forget about Mark because of the overwhelming haze that’s rising in your mind. Pleasure fills your system, you sink further into Jaehyun’s touch, and he digs his fingers further into your hips. The force is enough to be bruising but it draws a moan out of you nonetheless. You push your hips further against his, dragging your crotch over his and grinding down against his bulge.

Jaehyun pulls his lips off yours for a fraction of a second, just long enough for him to hook his fingers around the hem of your shirt and tug it up over your head. You neglected to wear a bra since it’s your apartment and these are your best friends, but as Jaehyun’s gaze drags hungrily over your form, you can’t help but feel a bit shy. His hands fall to your breasts, squeezing the skin under his fingers. You respond to the action with delicate moans. Jaehyun takes the small sounds as encouragement and brings his lips to your sensitive nipple, pulling the skin into his mouth while kneading the other.

You throw your head back at the sensation, and Mark is there to catch your head with his shoulder. You don’t know when he moved, but his chest is now flush against your back and his erection prods at your back as he pushes closer to you. His lips find your neck in an instant. He ravishes the bare skin with his tongue, dragging the flat of his tongue over you before sucking at it harshly. One of his hands slips around your abdomen. It travels further and further down until deft fingers slide into the band on your pajama shorts, revealing your lack of underwear and sopping folds. Mark pushes into the wetness with his index and middle fingers. He drags over your clit, causing your body to jerk under the touch, then he starts working small circles around your sensitive bud.

You can’t contain your lewd noises as the two men go to work on your body. Arousal takes over your senses. Mark’s fingers speed up as your moans grow louder and louder, and you’re certain that if he keeps up at that pace you’ll hit an orgasm sooner than you’d like. Luckily, Jaehyun pulls off your breasts and slaps Mark’s hand away from your core.

“Bedroom,” he all but growls. A moment later, Jaehyun is hoisting you onto his waist, hands braced on your ass, and he carries you down the hall to get to your bedroom. Mark trails after you, and you watch him move over Jaehyun’s shoulder as the older man presses marks to the side of your neck Mark left untouched. He tugs his shirt off as he follows Jaehyun, pants dropping along the way to the bedroom as well.

When you reach your room, Jaehyun tosses you to the bed with a surprising amount of strength that has your core throbbing. He tugs his shirt off with ease and drops his pants just as quickly as Mark did. He moves to climb on the bed with you, but you stop him with your hands bracing his hips. You get on all fours before him, eyes clouded with lust as you look up at him. Hesitant fingers tug at the band of his underwear. You pull lower and lower until his hardened member springs out. He’s well-endowed, to say the least, and it would be a lie if you said that you hadn’t thought about how… large he is from time to time.

He watches you with hooded eyes as you dip closer to his cock and give a tentative kitten lick to his leaking head. He hisses at the contact, and that slight noise encourages you to continue. The mattress dips behind you. You gasp around Jaehyun’s cock when hands brush against your hips and tug the pajama shorts down to your knees. You help Mark a little by lifting your legs one at a time so he can pull them completely off.

You push your lips further down Jaehyun’s member, taking him as far as you can without gagging, and you drag your tongue over each dip and vein along his cock. Mark’s hands push your legs further apart. Cold air hits your core but the sensation doesn’t last long as a warm and wet muscle brushes through your folds. You want to turn and look back at Mark, see his face as he eats you out, but you’re too preoccupied with Jaehyun to do so. Instead, you bob your head along Jaehyun’s member, humming when Mark’s tongue flicks over your clit. Jaehyun’s hand flies to your hair when the vibrations carry over his dick. You look up at his face with fluttering lashes, seeing gritted teeth and sweat on his brow already.

You have to admit that it’s a beautiful sight, even if you never expected to see it in this sort of position. His fingers tighten in your hair and guide your mouth along his cock. You slacken your jaw to let him take control and fuck your mouth as he sees fit. Before his hips start bucking into your wet heat, he pulls out to let you take a deep breath.

“We need a safeword,” he says through heavy pants. You pause, barely able to think straight with Mark’s tongue ravishing your dripping cunt. Glancing over to your vanity, you spot something that causes you to look back up at Jaehyun.

“Mirror.”

“Mirror? Are you sure?”

“Yes, yes, Jaehyun, I’m sure. So can you get back to fucking my mouth?”

Jaehyun groans at your words, teasing your bottom lip with the head of his leaking member. He doesn’t thrust back in quite yet though, seemingly still having something else to add before he gets back to business.

“Tap on my hand three times if it’s too much,” he says, tone suddenly soft. His hand reaches out to drag over your cheek, and you lean into the touch. Mark chooses that moment to thrust his tongue into you particularly hard, and a wanton moan escapes you. It’s enough encouragement for Jaehyun to grip your hair against and thrust his cock into your mouth, immediately hitting the back of your throat in one thrust. He picks up a brutal pace and slams against your throat with each jerk of his hips. It’s enough to cause your eyes to water, but it’s not unpleasant yet, mostly thanks to Mark’s continuous touch at your cunt.

Mark pushes two fingers into you alongside his tongue, curling them against your tight walls in search of your sweet spot. He finds it within four thrusts of his fingers. You cry out around Jaehyun, and the older man takes it as pain, quickly pulling out of your mouth to check your expression. You’re too busy seeing stars from Mark’s touch to pay any attention to Jaehyun, however, and with two more thrusts of his fingers, you clench around Mark. A powerful orgasm washes over you. Jaehyun leans forward to capture your lips, kissing you as you ride out the pleasure, and Mark’s fingers and tongue don’t stop until your body stops trembling.

You’re still gasping for breath when Jaehyun pulls you up and places you on your back on the bed. It’s a good thing that he didn’t try to put you on your hands and knees against because you aren’t sure your body could hold yourself up any longer. You glance down between your legs, expecting to see Jaehyun lining up with your stretched hole, but instead, it’s Mark who standing at the foot of the bed. You find yourself a bit confused by the sudden switch of positions, especially as Jaehyun climbs onto the bed and seats himself behind your head. He reaches for your hands and interlocks your fingers with his. You blink up at his face, finding a gentle expression across his sharp features.

You don’t have time to dwell on his expression long though, because Mark pushes into you a moment later. It’s a much larger stretch than you expected and much larger than his fingers. You gasp at the sensation of being filled up, and Mark doesn’t stop until he’s completely buried in your tight heat. Your walls squeeze around his member involuntarily. He doesn’t move for a little bit, giving you ample time to grow accustomed to the new stretch. You glance down at where he’s standing and drag your gaze over where the two of you are joined then up to his face.

“Pl-Please fuck me,” you plead, pushing your hips against his cock. Mark hisses as you squeeze around him almost painfully. He pulls his hips back and drills back into you with one quick thrust. You cry out at the head of his member drags against your walls. He shifts as he begins to pick up a steady rhythm, trying to find the perfect angle to hit your sweet spot, and it doesn't take long for him to move your hips and find that angle. Jaehyun squeezes your hands tighter as you rock against his body. The force of Mark’s thrusts pushes you back on the bed, and if not for his grip on your thighs and Jaehyun behind you, you’re sure that you would be edging closer and closer to the headboard.

“I bet this is what you wanted, isn’t it, Mark? You wanted to fuck her like this? See her so loud and needy under you? Just wait until I have my fun with her and you watch on. I have so much I wanna do to her.” Jaehyun purrs the words. His still hard member is smacking against your head with each thrust that Mark gives, and part of you wants to reach out and take hold of it.

“F-Fuck,” Mark exhales as he slams into you. Your thighs tremble from the pressure, and your core is beginning to coil again as the pleasure heightens. You squeeze Jaehyun’s hands as tight as possible, and you can’t imagine how it doesn’t hurt him because the grip hurts you. Mark’s reaction basically confirms Jaehyun’s words. There’s a dirty sense of pleasure that rises in you at the thought of the two men imagining you while watching porn. You clench around Mark’s member, urging him to hasten to his climax as you do, and it works. His thrusts begin to stutter but he keeps fucking you until you are hit by another crashing orgasm. Mark rushes to pull out of your pulsating cunt and strokes himself to completion on your stomach. Hot, white spurts of cum spread across your skin.

Jaehyun doesn’t give you any time to recover though; he releases your hands and reaches down to scoop the cum onto his fingers before bringing those same fingers to your lips. You swirl your tongue around his fingers, Mark’s cum salty in your mouth, but you don’t stop until Jaehyun’s hand and your stomach are completely clean.

He must have decided that he’s waited long enough at that point because he climbs back off the bed and moves to where Mark was just standing. Rather than taking you in the same position though, he pushes you a bit further along the bed then flips you onto your stomach, pulling your hips up until your ass is high in the air. He climbs onto the mattress and positions himself directly behind you. You don’t have time to think twice before Jaehyun buries his member in you. The stretch is bigger than Mark for certain, but he at least helped open you up for Jaehyun so there’s no pain as he pushes into you. You try to prop yourself up on your hands only for Jaehyun to push your head down against the bed again. You gasp at the sudden show of force, and a whine slips through when Jaehyun presses your head to the mattress.

Jaehyun begins to fuck into you at a brutal pace. The angle causes his cock to drill even deeper in you, and you cry out at the pressure. You could cum again just from that feeling but Jaehyun makes it even better by reaching down to flick your clit. You writhe as he touches you, so oversensitive from two orgasms already that you aren’t sure if your body can handle a third. Jaehyun doesn’t seem to care about that one bit because his pace doesn’t let up, and you reach a third orgasm before you know it. Your lips part in a silent scream against the sheets as the blinding pleasure washes over your body. Jaehyun chases his own orgasm, fucking into you without cease until his hips stutter. Your whole body goes warm for a moment, and you whine as Jaehyun fills you to the brim with his cum.

He pulls out of your used hole slowly, and cold washes over you immediately. Jaehyun doesn’t stop moving though, turning you over onto your back gently and sweeping your damp hair off your sweaty forehead. You remain limp in his arms, muscles already aching from the sex. Mark pops into view, eyes full of concern and affection.

“I’ll get the shower going,” he says, patting you on the thigh as he moves for the bathroom. Jaehyun remains over you with gentle hands that sweep over your cheeks.

“That was really nice,” he murmurs before pressing a quick kiss to your forehead. “Let’s do it again sometime.”

“We’ll see about that. Maybe next time you can do something other than watch porn on the couch.”

​​​☽     ☾

if you would like to request something, check out my milestone celebration!

[smute]

i was tagged by the wonderful gem gem gemmaaaaaaaaaa @whenwinterfell

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

name-calling? bitch (affectionate) or bro (sarcastic) but jan is also fine

2. when is your birthday?

10 april

3. where do you live?

atm im still enrolled in bremen but i moved back to [redacted] to live with my parents when i started going insane(r) in my dorm room after months of isolation. will probably move to berlin in the fall bc my plans a, b, and c fell through and i dont know what else to do but lets not talk about that 🥲

4. three things you are doing right now?

having a really bad day, drawing on my arm like a child, listening to marina

5. four fandoms that have peaked your interest?

i honestly dont even know what a fandom really is lmao my obsessions with stuff never last long enough to grow into anything substantial

6. how has the pandemic been treating you?

idek how to answer this.... i know im one of the lucky ones and im very grateful, but at the same time im doing worse than ever before... the past 15 months have been hard, a lot has been destroyed and im struggling to look ahead or feel hopeful ✌️😗

7. a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

VENUS FLY TRAP

8. recommend a movie:

Legally Blonde (2001)

9. how old are you?

29 and fuck you for asking (jk lol)

10. school, university, occupation, other?

im about to start an MA in english lit 🤡 and i justify my existence in this capitalist system with 3 separate jobs in 3 diff teams of my uni's pr department (yes its about as adhd friendly as it sounds)

11. do you prefer heat or cold?

COLD!!!! im a sweaty bitch and my skin is a beautiful, delicate shade of raw pork so i really hate the summer. i can admit that the concept has a certain appeal tho

12. name one fact others may not know about you

not really a fact but a fun anecdote: i transferred schools in first grade, just a few months into the school year and, on the first day at my new school, went home with a random girl. apparently sabrina had invited me to hang out, so we went to her house and spent the afternoon watching cartoons and eating candy. we were both latchkey kids (quite common where im from). my mom finished work around noon and obviously shat a brick when she came home to an empty apartment. my parents freaked the fuck out, called everyone they knew and eventually a major police operation was launched within hours of my disappearance... like friends and family were searching all over town for me, police were sweeping fields and the forest next to our neighborhood and 6 year old me was just chilling at this girls house lmaooooo... her mom came home later that night and asked me if my parents knew where i was BECAUSE SHE HAD HEARD A RADIO ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT A MISSING BOY. the weird thing is that sabrina had TWO older sisters who were obviously supposed to watch her (us?) but neither of them had the wherewithal to ask "hmm do the parents of this new kid you dragged in from the street know where he is?"

13. are you shy?

idk man... yeah? but then people keep telling me i come across as an extrovert and outgoing or whatever and i just think to myself omfg? i have to stop overcompensating

14. preferred pronouns?

he/they

15. biggest pet peeves?

"people who chew with their mouth open" <- yes absolutely! and when people interrupt others... which is slightly hypocritical of me but it just drives me up the wall!!!! even when it happens to others and im just a witness it makes me flip my lid

16. what is your favourite “dere” type?

my what now

17. rate your life from 1-10: idk man my brain doesnt really do long term analytics? i find a gummy bear on the floor - its an eleven. i experience a minor inconvenience - i want to kms.

18. what’s your main blog?

this is my only one

19. list your sideblogs and what they’re used for:

i feel like you're not even listening to me

20. is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

i guess it takes me a while to warm up to people but once we reach the friendship stage its basically impossible to get rid of me and im very loyal and committed? sounds like a dog lmao. BUT at the same time that can be hard to see for other people bc im also impulsive and not the best when it comes to consistent communication so... dont take it personally when i disappear for a few days and then message u like nothing happened🥺

tagging: @shyredpanda @mmolia ❤️‍🔥

[shattersstar]

pairing: jason todd x reader

summary: you and jason are f*ck buddies and you decide to get wine drunk while in the bath (inspired by this post)

warnings: semi nsfw (aka no actual smut but y’all do be talking about it..like a lot), drinking, fluff, brief injury mention, friends to lovers vibes

a/n: this is just over 4k and idek how that happened. anyways check out my resources tag before or after reading this and feedback is always appreciated.

—

You appeared in the doorway, hipshot and a bottle of wine hung in one of your hands, fingers clutching the neck. The air was humid even from the entrance to the bathroom, the mirror fogged up and air thick. “Want me to turn on the fan?” You questioned from across the space, socked feet shifting through the threshold ever so slightly. You didn’t give a shit about the fan, not really, not when Jason was sitting in the bathtub a few feet away, naked and warm and he sent you a lazy smile. He shook his head no, chin jutting out in question, nodding towards the wine. “I was gonna get drunk on the couch and pass out here.”

“You aren’t going back to your place?”

“You want me to?” Another shuffle closer, bottle nudging your thigh as you moved.

“Do what you want.” He shrugged, water sloshing around him. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, as if debating your options. Of which there were three:

One, go back to your apartment, drink there if you wanted—you would—and deal with the arguing of your roommates who used to date.

Two, crash on his couch like you said and make him make you breakfast tomorrow. It was tempting.

And three, get in the tub with him and see where that takes you.

You knew where you wanted it to go, the same place most of your moments alone (or semi alone) lead too. It had become a steady occurrence for you two to casual fuck, even more so lately as you had been hiding out in Jason’s apartment. Your arguing roommates/exes had no problem dragging you into their fights, no matter what you were doing and often made you sleep on the couch so they could sleep in separate bedrooms. Jason had callously suggested telling them no, as if it was that easy. “It’s their place, and I’m sorta the reason they were sharing a bedroom in the first place.” You’d mutter, excuses falling from your lips until you’d crawl into his lap and apologize for staying over so often. He normally would just sigh and tell you it was fine. Part of him wanted to say more, to tell you he liked having you around, liked sharing his bed with you, liked everything about the crappy situation you found yourself in. But it was selfish and sentiment was always slow to rise through Jason’s chest, and slower to fall from his lips.

You hadn’t realized that a long moment had passed and the moisture in the air was starting to make your clothes stick to you. Your eyes fell back on him, his were closed, arms resting on either side of the tub. You traced his side profile with your gaze, skin shining with water, and the hair around the nape of his neck stuck to his skin as the bubble coated surface crept up his body with even the smallest shift of weight. You looked back to the rosé in your hand, shrugging small before crossing the space, kicking the door closed. It wasn’t for privacy—it wasn’t for anything you supposed. Jason lived alone, how he could afford it, you didn’t ask, and his neighbours were likely far accustomed to the private sounds you two shared that often leaked out from under doors and passed through walls. You blamed the hot body of water now a step away from you for the heat rising to your face.

You set the bottle down next to the tub, his eyes finally opening. The slam of the door didn’t disturb him, but the clink of glass against tile had him watching you. You didn’t say much as you straightened up, pulling off your socks, the shorts you found yourself in falling next. You yanked your t-shirt off, underwear the last thing to join the pile of clothes now dwelling on his bathroom floor. Jason’s eyes roamed over your body with a certain amount of casualness, it wasn’t hungry or flirtatious, it was just him taking you in like he had so many times before.

He still didn’t speak as you carefully dipped your foot into the hot water, finding the bottom of the tub and bringing your other leg over the side. He only bent his legs minimally, knees just poking out from under the water and caging each side of the tub. You didn’t object to the lack of space, you were invading his bath anyways. The water was almost painfully hot, shocking your system as you lowered yourself to sit across from him. The faucet prodded your back as you settled into the space, knees almost pulled to your chest. You let your hands sink next to you for a moment, before you were reaching over the side of the tub, soapy water rolling off your fingers as you plucked the bottle from where it sat. You had drank some of it earlier, sitting on the balcony and chatting idly with Jason. It was before the sun had set and you two had been sitting out there, before watching a documentary for one of your classes. You couldn’t remember how you ended up watching it with him, or why you were drinking beforehand, but all of that seemed far off now.

Far off as condensation rolled down the bottle, sweating in the humidity. You took a long, slow sip, the sweet, somewhat tart liquid slipping out the bottle and down your throat with ease. He was still watching you, head cocked slightly and gears in his brain turning. You could tell when he was reading you, thinking about aspects of you that you may never understand. His gaze was always a little intense, it sometimes made you squirm, and this was one of those moments. You pushed your shoulders back a little and held the bottle out between your two bodies. It was a little heavy, the rosé sagging into the bubbles. Jason breathed out a chuckle and took a sip of his own. He scowled ever so slightly, turning the label to face him and it was your turn to laugh.

“Stop buying cheap wine—it’s shit.” He huffed, although he did take another drink.

“I’ll stop buying cheap wine when I stop being broke.”

“Or I can give you money to buy something that doesn’t taste like depressed grapes.” You laughed again, although it was almost a scoff.

“First of all stop being a baby, this isn’t that bad and second of all I’m not gonna call you up every time I wanna buy liquor.” You explained, making grabby hands towards him. He handed you the wine with an eye roll.

“Why not?”

“What?”

“Half the time you drink it's here and I’m tired of having to drink whatever crappy stuff you buy.”

“I’m sorry my socioeconomic status offends you.” You teased, letting out a yelp when one of his hands wrapped around you shin and tugged your leg. He didn’t pull you under, only shifting you onto your tailbone before dragging your leg along the tile, draping it over his thigh.

“I just meant if you’re gonna get drunk here, drink whatever I have here instead of buying this dollar store shit.” He sighed, watching you grin from around the rim.

“I mean, I’m not one to deny free booze.”

“Of course you aren’t.”

“Hey,” You yanked the outstretched bottle back, pouting at him. “Still don’t appreciate you saying this stuff is shit though.”

“I’ll make it up to you later,” You raised a brow, it worked another eye roll out of him. “You get mouthy when you drink.” He sounded as exasperated as before, although there was a tinge of amusement in his voice. You only snorted, passing the wine to him. You spent some time just passing the bottle back and forth, sometimes talking or sometimes letting the soft sound of the water drift around your bodies. At some point you hadn’t taken the bottle back from him, shifting till your back pressed into the corner of the tub, faucet now jabbing your arm. You tilted your head back, bare chest rising and falling in slower breaths. Jason set the rosé onto the bathroom floor at some point, one of his hands searching under the water for the leg rested against his. Water rolled over his hands as his fingers wrapped around your ankle, giving it a gentle squeeze. Your eyes blinked open, your head looked heavy as you lifted it from against the slick walls.

“Just seeing if you’re awake.” He hummed, noting the way your other leg stretched out over him. You shifted forward slightly, feet planting on otherside of his body as you sank under the surface, back sliding against the tiles and knees bending. Your dunked your body under until your head bumped the bottom, a few seconds passed before you were sitting back up, now in the centre of the tub.

“I am now.” You smiled as water rolled down your face.

“You’re something else.” He declared, strong hands coming to rest on your knees and giving them a gentle pinch. Your eyes dropped to his left hand, a scar trailed from in between his thumb and index finger, curling down towards his wrist. It was long and sinewy, like a vine that staggered across his hand. There were small bruises and other scars one wouldn’t notice at first glance, but you had become accustomed to them. Used to watching his hands as they moved with a catlike sneakiness, always searching, always ready to tease. There had been more than one occasion when your own hand darted out to grasp his wrist without even looking at him. You could be eating at the mall or sitting in his car at a red light and his curious hands were always trailing towards you.

Sometimes you’d swat them away, with an indurated glare. And he’d reply with that stupid smirk, eyes glinting as if to say, do you really want me to stop? Most of the time the answer was no, but you couldn’t always give so easily into him, not when it was so fun not too.

Now though, his hands weren’t wandering, they stayed rested on you, warm and heavy. You liked something about this Jason, the tipsy, relaxed version of him you rarely saw. It was either sex or friends just hanging out, and this felt like something blurring both those lines. It was intimate and naked, but it was friendly and sweet. It made your mind swirl, but that also could be the alcohol slowly burning through your system. Something about all of the thoughts running and tripping over themselves in your head made a giggle bubble pass your lips, earning another squeeze.

“What?” He wondered as your shoulders shook.

“Just thinking about you doing this with other people—couldn’t imagine it.” You laughed, head shaking as he furrowed his brows at you.

“This? As in you inviting yourself—“

“Hey, hey, don’t get mean I meant it nicely.” You leaned forward, pressing a finger to his lips. He finally moved his hands from where they grounded you, slapping it away from his face playfully. “It’s nice that we get to do this—not many people can just sit around in baths with friends.” You explained better.

“But,” He licked his lips, straightened up slightly, as if the words would pull from his throat easier, “Why would you think I’d do it with other people?”

Oh.

You shrugged, “I dunno, guess I didn’t think I was the only person you were…” Suddenly any word to describe what you and Jason were left a bad taste in your mouth, fucking felt too vulgar, sex sounded too direct and making love was definitely not an option. “Doing whatever we're doing with?”

“Fantastic english.”

“Shut up, y’get what I mean.”

He only hummed in response, a look too thoughtful for the daze expression you wore fell over his face.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why’re you looking at me like that?”

“It’s nothing.” You splashed a handful of water at him, letting out a head thrown back, almost shrieking sort of laugh at the unamused expression on his face. “Seriously?”

“C’mon tell me.” You whined, laughter dying down.

“Fine. C’mere,” His voice was all low and caramel—warm and sweet—as he beckoned you to him. You didn’t even hesitate, moving closer and letting him pull you into his lap, knees pressing to the floor of the bath and upper half rising out of the water before he sat you on his thighs. Goosebumps rippled your skin as the air—cooler now—rolled over your skin before you sank back into the water. Your bare chest brushed his, the water flowing between your two bodies and rising as he pulled you close. One of his hands stayed on the side of your thigh, the other trailed up your arm, setting on the side of your neck, thumb coming up to rest on your jaw. Your arms were wrapped around the broad expanse of his shoulders, one of your hands rested on the nape of his neck, fingers toying with the wet hairs there.

“I was thinking that why would I wanna fuck anyone else when I have you?” He admitted, a confessional spoken so casually, that you knew the wine had affected him at least somewhat. Sometimes it was hard to tell, but from the soft touches to tender confessions, it was easy to pinpoint where your rugged and reserved Jason tapered off into a muted version of himself. Like all the parts he kept hidden, too kind for the world he lived in, for the person he had become suddenly seeped out and it made you feel boneless and a little lovesick around him.

“That’s probably because your fucking me every waking minute.” You teased despite the dopey smile you wore, forehead resting on his.

“I’m not right now.”

A beat.

“You could.” Your voice was distant, like you were indifferent about the suggestion, because you were.

“Is that why you didn’t wanna leave?” He was so full of questions you realized as well. It seemed most days he knew what you were going to do before you did it, that he could read you like a book—not that you made it particularly hard anyways. And yet, a little drunk and sleepy underneath you, Jason didn’t seem interested in higher thinking, letting the questions and whatever else fall from his mouth with little care where they landed.

You pulled back a little, watching him, “I mean that’s always a benefit about being here,” You explained, feeling the laugh he let out more than hearing it, “But I dunno, you said it earlier I’m here a lot and there’s like no stressors here.”

“Ah—forgot about your roommates.”

“Yeah, plus I was gonna ask you to make my breakfast if I did get drunk and pass out on the couch like planned.” Your admission was lighthearted, but you felt his hand on your thigh tighten, just slightly.

“I wouldn’t have let you sleep on the couch.” He muttered, the hand on your neck sliding to cradle your jaw, your stomach twisting in the way only he could manage, “Not when you look so good in my bed.”

A chill ran up your spine, leave it to Jason to leave you breathless no matter what state he was in. You let your gaze fall to the space between your bodies, that was until he tilted your chin up and brought your lips to his. He was grinning into the kiss, the hand on your thigh now on the curve of your spine, pressing over so gentle into the wet skin. You let your eyes fall closed as he continued to kiss you, arms wrapping further around him as he brought you closer, the slightest pressure on your back and you shifted against him with ease. Soon your chests were flush, rising and falling in tandem. Jason mumbled something you did quite catch, his arms hugging around your frame, keeping you against him as he sank deeper into the bath, his head coming to rest on the edge and stretching out as best he could in the small space. You rested your head in the crook of his neck, water just at your chin now. His hands splayed on your back, fingers traced idly shapes as you let the tiredness that he pulled you from tug at the corners of your mind again.

You weren’t sure if you had fallen asleep, or just focused on the sound of his breathing and the soft patterns he drew against your skin, but you do remember coming back to reality as he carefully sat back up after some time. He made sure to pull you up with him, maneuvering you with ease. Soon your back was to his chest, his chin resting atop your head and his encircled you once again, hands clasping over yours against your middle. You adjusted yourself against his chest, relaxing your weight into him and detangling the mess of hands that rested in front of you so you could hold one of Jason’s. He obliged easily, his left hand intertwining with yours, his right forearm residing just under your chest and keeping you close, and likely upright. You didn’t mind the contact, the pressure of him against you in the slightest. It was different from what you were used to, and yet you welcomed it all the rest.

Once again you let the edges of your consciousness taper off, fading into something distant and calming. You definitely fell asleep that time, as you rouse when a hand lightly lightly squeezed your chest, his palm sliding from the soft skin to your neck, tilting your head out of the way as his lips moved from the nape of your neck to your shoulder. His tongue slid over the damp skin, biting into it when you nearly dozed back off. “We fell asleep.” He breathed against the side of your neck, kisses peppered there were followed by another softer, lazier bite.

“We?” You groaned, tone groggy.

“Is there anyone else here?” You only shook your head, not aware enough to pick up on the sarcasm. The lips moving against your skin didn’t help either, not when he moved your head to rest on his collarbone, lips finding yours. He wasted no time licking his way past your lips, tongue dragging across yours, exploring the inside of your mouth. He pulled away to twist you in his lap, kissing you hard once again. If you weren’t delirious from sleep, it definitely was because of him now. His tongue swiped the roof of your mouth and ran along the blunt edge of your teeth. The hand he used to adjust you so pilantly to his liking now rested against the column of your throat, flexing when you sighed against his lips. It was breathy and needy and you were too tired and still a little drunk to care.

“Water’s cold.” You found yourself saying as his lips pressed into the corner of your mouth.

“It is.” He agreed, biting into your bottom lip you barely noticed was pouting. “You’re such a tired little thing.”

“Kinda drunk too.”

“I can tell.”

“Ouch.” You were beaming despite your words, blinking up at him, nose judging his jaw. He was warmer than the water which made your bones feel heavy, all the airy suds now vanished. “What time is it?”

“How would I know?” You picked up on his tone then, pulling your brows together until he exhaled a chuckle against the juncture where your neck met your shoulder. He buried his face in there, seeking out warmth as well. “Can you get up?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, c’mon I wanna go to bed.” Despite his words the hand that crossed your body, now fallen to you solar plexus stayed unmoved and he kept breathing you in. You had no objections to staying here, despite the goosebumps riddling your skin and the shiver building in the base of your spine. After a loud inhale, your body rising with the expansion of his broad chest he pulled away from you, ushering you forward slightly. You scrubbed a hand over your face, trying to focus on the task at hand: getting up. You went to gather your legs underneath you, one hand resting on the outer edge of the tub when Jason rose from behind you. Water dripped off his body and fell onto you as you dumbly sat in the bath water. “Why’d you say you could get up?” He asked, wrapping a towel around his waist before moving back to you.

You frowned up at him, “I can.”

“Then why haven’t you?”

“It’s been like four seconds!” You exclaimed, only earning a click of his tongue before he bent over to haul you out of the water. You stepped over the side with ease, his strong hands gripping the sides of your arm, one coming to wrap around the curve of your elbow as you stood up straight. Once you were steady enough he passed you a towel, which you quickly pulled around your body. You let a shudder wrack your body, and without much of a word he was pulling you against him. You greedily obliged, hands wrapped around his frame, fingers spread on his naked back. “What did you say earlier?”

“I said a lot of things, whic—“

“Something about me drinking.”

“That you get mouthy?”

“Yeah, yeah that. Y’know what you get?” You looked up at him, chin resting on his chest.

“What?”

“Touchy.”

“Touchy?” He echoed.

“Yeah, I mean you kinda always are, but s��not like this.” He didn’t respond, eyes drifting from your face. Maybe you got intuitive when you were drunk too. “I like this though.”

“You do?”

“Mmhm, s’nice.” Your words blended together as you let Jason lean over and press a kiss to your forehead. You let yours eyes fall closed, resting most of your weight against him.

“Hey you better not fall asleep, I’m not carrying you to bed.”

“Ever the romantic.” You pulled yourself from him, about to turn around and gather your clothes from the floor, but Jason’s hand wrapped around yours and was tugging you out of the bathroom. “Wait—m’clothes—“

“Leave them.” He called over his shoulder, leading you towards his bedroom and softly pushing you to sit on his bed. He left you for a moment, heading to drain the bath you supposed. After a moment he passed by the bedroom door, wine bottle in hand. You could hear the sound of it hitting the recycling bin before he reappeared. Jason looked a little unimpressed when he found you still sitting there. “You can get in bed y’know.”

“And sleep in a wet towel?”

“Or in nothing.” He shrugged, your ears suddenly hot as he stood between your legs, both hands cupping your face. “Don’t wanna have to work to fuck you in the morning.”

You opened and closed your mouth twice before nodding at his words, “Should’ve led with that.”

“Duly noted, now go to sleep.” He kissed you again, lips pressing firm to yours. You and Jason weren’t really the kissing type, sure you’d make out with him on occasion, but it felt too intimate for what you two had become. It was more of an unspoken rule, and it sometimes happened, but never outside the confines of sex. And he was promising to fuck you come morning, but now wasn’t morning and he was kissing you—another side effect from the rosé, you distantly assumed—and it felt right.

He pulled away when your head started to lull back, as if it was too heavy for your neck to support. You let him untuck the towel and slip it from your body. Parts of you were still damp from the bath, but you didn’t care as you slipped under his duvet, hauling it to your ears and sinking into one of his pillows. You were sure you were asleep before you finished rolling onto your side, the heavy fog of exhaustion, liquor and a calm night lulling you to sleep. You didn’t even rouse as Jason joined you, thumb brushing away a stray droplet that drifted from your hairline down your cheek bone. He kissed your forehead once again, letting the rarity of an easy sleep wash over him as well.

[lnc2]

ignore this i just needed to put some feelings in writing. if you choose to read please note the triggers in the tags are regarding people in the news and ideation so don’t worry about me please and thank you

first of all i need to preface this by saying this is not a cry for help i have help i go to therapy i’m on meds and have a support system i am just processing and venting so please do not worry bc that’s not what this is about

okay

so i’ve been sick for like 13 months at this point and 7 of those months has had me in a pretty bad state. it wasn’t even until april that i was clearheaded enough to read a little and even that was only because i had an iron infusion and even that improvement while great was not Drastic. i could converse better, think a little more clearly, and even read for a while. my exhaustion was better and i could ever go out for a little while. as i’ve gotten farther away from the iron infusion i’ve slowly started deteriorating again with the worst seeming to come back full force this week- shaking, heart racing, nausea, brain fog, dizziness, confusion,inability to concentrate, body aches, insomnia, etc.

i had a full breakdown in the grocery store when i realized i couldn’t read or remember or focus on what i was supposed to be buying which triggered a panic attack. i knew i was bad but i didn’t know i was this bad again because like i said i’m not really going out or even testing my limits at home so i’m not confronted with my inability to do anything in such a noticeable way.

anyways i was talking to my therapist and i was trying to explain how i’m not suicidal but i’ve just noticed the return of suicidal ideation especially as i start to slip into being Worse again and i feel a little hopeless and like i’m never going to get better or even be a person again and how i’m dependent on my parents for everything rn because covid literally took away my ability to take care of myself. and i’m not going to go into all of the feelings of inadequacy and guilt that triggers because frankly i can’t handle that rn and i’m tired and i don’t have therapy next week and i’m not about to poke the bear.

fast forward to like a couple hours ago and i get a notification that a  screenwriter just completed suicide after 13 months of battling long haul covid and just- it was like a gut punch. hit v close to home and then i fell down the google rabbit hole of other long haulers who did the same and idek how to describe what i’m feeling. despair, sadness, even a little jealousy. which i know is fucked up but that’s where my head is at some days.

and it’s like, a few days ago i was talking to my therapist about how i didn’t even feel like i could guilt-free think about not having to deal because i know how devastating that would be for my parents and i’ve already put them through so much the last four years.  and then there’s also the fact that i’m fueled by an unhealthy amount of spite because fuck everything if i didn’t hurt myself after losing rory and being drugged and then being drugged again i’ll be damned if i let covid take me down. but just some days i really get in my head about how i feel like i can’t catch a break or this will never pass or even just the thought that okay so say i do get better what’s the next disaster that’s going to hit?

idk i’m just really feeling Down this week especially because my body is also feeling worse than i have in a couple months and it’s just getting to me. i just wish that even if my body wasn’t working i still had my mind to fall back on but the fucked up thing about covid is it fucks with your brain function too. and seeing that article just hit hard because i was already dealing with those feelings and had just brought it up to my therapist so it was just a really weird, incredibly sad synchronicity that i haven’t stopped thinking about.

anyways i just needed to put this down somewhere. i’m okay i’m just tired and sad. tired of being sick and sad that people have to deal with this and that there are people dealing with this who lost all hope. i don’t know them but i feel like i know them.

[ashen-dawn]

I’d really like to go back through my untagged posts and categorize them for easy access, but I always get hung up on it for dumb reasons. Like, I know literally no one cares, but it still feels incredibly dumb and awkward to tag stuff as ‘me’ or ‘same’ or... gosh, ‘gpoy’ (feels like a millennia since I’ve seen that one) because...... obviously? I relate?? but that’s not really the goal I’m trying to achieve with my tagging so it really shouldn’t matter. I don’t even mind when other people do it, but it’s one of those social conditioning things where it’s seen as cringey or whatever and no matter how many posts I reblog about “fuck cringe culture!!” and all that, I still can’t stop thinking about how others will think and it’s like! nO one cares!!! you have only ever posted for you, and the only friends that still follow you or are even on tumblr anymore you haven’t talked to in 10 years so they don’t care, and if they do then they’ll just unfollow you and you’d probably never know!!! yet still it feels forbidden

also idek what tags I would even use anymore that aren’t just like, ‘me’, ‘shitpost’, or ‘informative’. those seem really broad and basic and awkward, but getting specific with it feels even more weird? with the possible exception of ‘informative’ posts, as half the time I do actually tag them with stuff relating to specific issues or interests.

anyway in general I just don’t know how to tag anymore. way back in the day I used to have a really specific tag system that worked really well, but it just feels awkward to try and use now.