#idc vote ‘my icon is literally me’ if you need to. if it brings you joy

[goldensunset]

evidently i forgot to take hardcore kinnies into account on that poll

[mingi-bubu]

Watch “Youth With You” with Me!

Episode 11 Part 1

oou we are back with *dj khalid voice* another one

we get to finish the choosing of teams and hopefully see all of the stages

idc much about not seeing the rankings this episode ngl

i do want to see where naho goes thooo

anyway, i am excited bc two groups will be doing exo’s mama and we all know im a hoe for exo

M R  F R U I T

what if we all just fucked around and voted mr fruit to be the top trainee?  that would be lowkey hilarious ngl

anyway i am eating, tradition tradition, the cereal

with ice

bc i am not a heathen

it goes ice -> cereal -> milk regardless of what tiana says

i would @ her but idk if she reads these on her own and also i lowkey dont want to get into that argument again bc we already know im right

but yeah im eating vanilla and almond special k

when ramadan comes around i’ll stop mentioning it just incase

so many people want to challenge zhao.  it’s what she deserves

babymonster vs marco i am *eyes emoji*

ooh ok for mama its shaking vs diamond i CANNOT WAIT OMG

oh shit aintno one wanna challenge xin liu

air su aka deadly singer i cannot wait

even kunkun looked interested in this matchup

i love him so much he looks so good fuuuuuuuuuuu

ooh that elevator is nice as fuck what the hell

as;ldkfja;lskdjflkasdjf esther and frhanm standing up as soon as they realize it’s live is such a mood

jue chen being chosen by six people???  ITS WHAT SHE DESERVES

i wonder if kun is getting flashbacks to his time doing this

jue chen please pick the suspense is killing meeeee

yesssss xtz & jc??  dream team

like i lowkey kinda know whos on whos team bc i saw the ig posts but i dont really remember

snow kong’s turn alkdsjf;kaldsjf esther and snow’s relationship is so cuteeee

i deffo need to gif that sleepover video soon!!!!

love the product placement with snow and the drink

i love the apartment building that they’re staying in omg

i would go to esther, zhao, or frhanm

literally esther and snow are so cute i love this friendship

frhanm is me when it comes to worring about whether or not someione is coming

jenny zeng saying she trusts pretty women too easily is me

no one chose joey i am

ok jenny zeng i see you an icon

jenny and joey are adorable i lvoe it

k lu in mama???? bitch i am going to SCREAM

fuck no one chose zoey i am

xukun is even upset for her i am

triple d is also unchosen

esther is killing me

ok aria jin try to y’know, keep it chill i guess alkdfja;lkdsfj

when shaking had to ask again who was being chosen im deaaaaddddd

bunny’s turn!

did they say sexy bunny i’m so dead

zdlkfjas;lkdfj KIKI HAS ME WEAK

ooooof sharon sweetieeeee

sharon for some reason is really reminding me of zzt rn adkfjasd;kl

gia ge finally joins sharon

aaawww sharon is so cute i caaannnt

i just now realized that all of their sneakers are the same

miss you 3000 groups are dead af

xl responding to as with “......kay” is me in the yuehuas pr team gc

please let naho !!!!!  AYYAYAYAYAAAYYYY I LOVE HER SO MUCH

WE LOVE AN HONEST ‘98 LINER

lfdksajdsklfasdKUUUUNNNNKUNNNN-AH STOP EXPOSING POEPLE

asl;kdjfa;lksdjf;alksdjf;lkasdjf shujun is killing meeeee

ajsdkfasd;lkj; kun is deadass spilling all the tea i caannn’t

diamond held back no punches

naho is dying next to xin liu

oooof ok second round time

i literally canNOT WAIT FOR MAMA TO PERFORM LIKE PLEASE ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITE EXO SONGS

lmao just a thought but what if one time yixing was mentor x adksjfa;dksfj the gc would DIIIIEEEE

i love how the sound just cuts out sometimes.  very sexey of iqiyi to keep me in suspense

lkadsjflk;adsjf

as;lkdjfa;lsdfja;sldkf stop bringing young uupppp it’s soooo baaadlkjafsdl;kfjasdlkfjdd

i loaldsalkdfja;kj i love esether so mucchhhh

snow is dead af at esther lmaooo

i literally love esther and snow’s relationshsip so much

ok we got another kun situation where someone is tyring to be cute when that is not the concept or style they are normally in

first xtz, now snow.  is the rest of their dorm going to be next?

YES OK NOW TO THE SONG I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT

lets go mama groups lets go

shaking giving me some very nice ziyi vibes rn we support it

like y’all cant even understand how excited i am for the mama stage on GOD

i love that vicky is center its what she desrves

afskjsd;lkfijasdf shaking really IS THAT FRIEND!!!!!

we stan an excellent person

xtz is literally the love of my life

ok im excited for xtz’s stage too the choreo looks inchresting

~balance~

say whatever you want about esther but you literally cannot deny that she does care about her friends and teammates and wanting to make sure that they are able to be highlighted as much as they can

i am going to lose my shit when mama comes on and y’all know it

ooh i like the lighting they did for the stage

ooooohhhhh getting throwbacks to ppap stage!!

KUN LOOKS SO GOOD I CAN’T FUCKING DO IT PRINCE CHARMING FR FR ON GOD

hes so precious like his smile i am emo

oh it’s so cool that this is

jony j is a lot shorter than i had thought fjadkjfa;ds

but kun could also be wearing lifts for no reason whatsoever mr i-clock-out-at-6′0

lisa looks so cute i love one (1) woman

oooooh i am loving the costumes for the first stage

ok not loving the hairstyle for jc but ok

why do they keep talking about hteir sleep patterns???

i cant get over how good kun looks oh i hate to watch him leave but i love to watch him go

elllllllaaaa my mom is serving looks

lisa is out for blood even more when she’s not there irl i lvoe lisa-jie

KUN WEARING ALL BLACK WITH THE HAT I AM SO IN LOVE WITH ONE MAN AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME

idsjakalksdf;aldksf kun doing little wiggles to imitate them 

he looks so good i will propose sir if that’s what you need

i know i kinda went on a tangent but also like he looks so good

he is not happy with yu zhang

please show off that jawline sirrrrr

it’s so unfortunate this section of my commentary has just devolved into unpublished thirst tweets

i feel bad for yz tho

cry for 10 minutes and get back to it?  sounds familiar to meeeee

i hope that their stage is better

i also love the flips and mainly bc i just want zzt to please mentor on the show please

[suggers-got-dingled]

ok so I know it's been two whole days and everyone's probably ~~over~~  the buzz by now but I never will be until my dying day and I still have many feelings that keep bursting out in sudden rushes of weeping, smiling emotion every time I think about and look at my photos from the TV choice awards so whilst I'm finally feeling more human yet shattered and still in my bubble of happiness and daze and joy and laughter that seems to treble in potency late at night I'm here to relive the best moments from 4th September 2017 which is now officially declared National Ryan Hawley Day by his number one fan and tv husband Daniel Benedict Miller *deep breath* here we go...

getting off the Leeds to London train to find out Iain, Sally, Charlotte and John were also on it and we were completely oblivious to the fact we were sharing the same enclosed air as soap's best loved cast and most loathed man lmao (honestly we should have known from then on that it was going to be the most momentous day?!????)

seeing Iain once again as he walks past and ignores a group of very bitter robron fans whilst everyone tries their best to hold back with a couple of oooh's here and there, awkward tension that you could literally cut with a knife and comment of the night "can we all hush because he won't give us robron back at all" WHAT IS THIS TUMULTUOUS LIFE I LIVE I HIGH KEY WANTED TO LEAVE EARTH

the same very bitter robron fans forgetting about any foregoing drama, gathering together both in person and online to love and appreciate and support our boys. Meeting fans we'd spoke to for months (even years) for the first time and instantly connecting because of our mutual passion. It was just so pure???? and lovely??? and comfortable???? how happy and delighted and wrapped up in dryan we all were sat on those cold, hard floors cuddling for warmth, bonding and crying over how kind everyone was being as we posted our photos. It was one of - if not my favourite - times in the fandom (aside from the soap awards) and it made me realise why we're all still here on this rollercoaster journey

all being in a designated group waiting in anticipation for Danny and Ryan content as well as their arrival on the red carpet and making the loudest most inhumane noise as soon as the first photo was released, to say all eyes on us was an understatement IT WAS GR8

getting the news of more photos and videos and interviews and articles and reacting together it just made the experience so!! much!! more!!! special!!!

 chatting with Kate Oates for a good few minutes and her giving an awkward side eyed chuckle as we tell her we miss her and need her back HONESTLY she is such a babe and I think she just about gets our current despair lmao bless

completely missing Danny and Ryan rolling up looking a solid 12/10 as they dive straight in the door and feeling deflated but also on top of the world (pretty sure my only view was Ryan's blonde locks sticking out from the crowd of heads and I have never felt more fortunate)

deciding to sit round the front in the dark and wait for any signs of the boys whilst contemplating how and why this god damn ceremony won't just start and it ending up being THE MOST SUCCESSFUL DECISION OF ALL DECISIONS

some random man asking if we're waiting for Danny Miller because he sensed 'that vibe' I don't think I've ever related to a passer by so much in my life it was amazing 

seeing Danny first (of course, how many times does that boy want to take a cig break outside?!?!) him casually strolling over to us after he'd dealt with the sought attention on the other side whilst we're all must remain cool and collected, must try and not transport my thoughts from my brain to my mouth about how much I want to rip that suit without a tie off him and ruffle his perfect hair

him being the sarciest little shit??? "you travel about you lot don't you" were the very first words to come out of his mouth and I'm just??? thanks Danny for reminding me what a high key mess my life is it's all because of you I hope you know that!!

him saying he'd record Ryan's speech before the knowledge of him winning was actually in (LOL HE SO KNEW AND I'VE NEVER KNOWN SOMEONE BE SUCH AN ENTHUSIASTIC FANGIRL FOR RYAN HAWLEY I WOULD HAVE SOLD MY SOUL TO SEE HIS NERVOUS BEAMING LIL FACE THE MOMENT HIS NAME WAS ANNOUNCED)

Danny saying Ryan said he'd come out to see us later and us being all *insert everybody calm down it's happening gif here*

THE MOMENT WE FOUND OUT RYAN HAD INDEED WON BEST ACTOR AND NOW BOTH OUR BOYS WERE AWARD WINNING ACTORS there were genuine tears of merriment with hands clasped over faces it was a beautiful sight to behold and I've never been as ecstatic  

Danny coming out (again) once the show was over and Emmerdale had smashed yet another award show, us applauding from a distance and Danny cheering with us from the other side of the road

us getting told to be quiet by the security for the hundredth time that night

 then the biggest blur of the century occurring almost immediately afterwards as Danny tells us he's gonna bring the winning man out to us not even giving us chance to compose ourselves

A WILD RYAN HAWLEY APPEARS WITH THE BIGGEST GRIN ON HIS FACE CLUTCHING HIS SHINY AWARD AND MY LUNGS NEARLY GIVE IN

DANNY FOLLOWS RIGHT BEHIND HIM LOOKING SO UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY AND PROUD OF HIM HE WAS ON THE BIGGEST HIGH AND I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN HIM LIKE THAT EVEN WHEN HE'S WON HIMSELF, HE HAS SO MUCH SUPPORT AND LOVE FOR HIS CO STARS IT'S SO UPLIFTING

RYAN'S FACE AS HE HEADED TOWARDS TO US WHEN HE TURNED HIS HEAD AND SAW US ALL THERE I'M LITERALLY NEVER GETTING OVER IT him straight away asking us if we'd voted, thanking us for doing so whilst telling us how much winning means to him with his dedicated adorable speech. Him saying he thought John would win and being totally shocked, he genuinely never expected it all and he was so grateful and appreciative as everyone was congratulating him and singing our proud praises WHY IS HE SO FUCKING LIFE RUININGLY LOVEABLE AND ADORABLE AND MODEST HE'S THE CUTEST ANGEL I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIS SMILE AND HIS SWEET WORDS

Ryan just melting my heart to mush and reminding me why I hold so much admiration for him I'm just so honoured to have seen him right after his win and so unbelievably pleased we could show him outright the love he deserves and has instead of hearing it from second person IT WAS SO CHILLED AND SO PLEASANT TO SEE RYAN SO RELAXED MEETING US I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN HIM SO AT EASE AT A TIME WHEN HE ACTUALLY LEAVES HIS HOUSE (the drinks and Danny’s company probably helped)

DANNY JUST STANDING BACK AND LETTING RYAN DO HIS THING AS HE PRACTICALLY PUSHES HIM TOWARDS US EMOTIONAL AWAITING FANS I'm getting flutters in my tummy typing this out why am I like this why do they do this to me like???? what the fuck??? he just started filming randomly after he purposely went inside to bring him out and let him know there's plenty of people who are proud of him??? like he needed to witness him all there with us and he came out with him as backup because he wanted to record the moment we all gave him double the love he gives him on a daily basis I will never ever ever ever recover from this HOW WILL IT SINK IN HELP ME

us being completely unaware that Danny was filming at first and then just being in a state of belief about it, after we found out it was on Instagram and watched it back it was meltdown I tell you I have never been so thankful to be hidden behind a bush LMAO WILL I EVER GET OVER DANNY GLADLY EXPOSING US ALL AND CAPTURING THE FOCUS OF MY FRIEND JADE AND HER LIL CONFUSED WAVE NO I WILL NOT IT MAKES MY LIFE LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE

Danny getting us into trouble by the security for the third time that night and him just howling about the fact whilst carrying on filming despite the professional demands HE'S JUST WALKING AROUND FILMING HIS KING WHY THEY GOTTA RUIN THE VIBE IDC IF PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING RYAN HAWLEY AND DANNY MILLER ARE WITHIN REACHING DISTANCE IN THE SAME ZONE LET US ENJOY THE EUPHORIA

Danny being a cheeky, playful little shit 2.0 "where's that video going then" "never you mind" *smug smile and wink* "you so knew Ryan had won didn't you that's why you said you'd film the iconic moment for us???" "oh I can’t tell you that can I" *another smug smile and wink* I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART

A DRYAN PHOTO MY FUCKING DREAM COME TRUE I WAS SHOOKETH TO THE CORE I STILL AM I CAN'T STOP WEEPING OVER IT EVERY TIME I CATCH A GLIMPSE OF MY LOCK SCREEN

explaining what being shooketh is to Danny and hearing that word from the horse's mouth what a weird encounter

ridiculously happy Ryan Hawley holding his award up in every single photo like a proud child receiving their first medal with a school sticker smile IT'S ALL I NEED IN LIFE HE'S SO PRECIOUS

Ryan still finding the time to be the caring dad being concerned about how fans are going to get home, introducing himself with a handshake and reassuring them with a "don't be nervous" I was all awwwww'd out it's just sheer lunacy I can't cope with him

DANNY COMPLAINING ABOUT GIN AND TONIC BEING £20 SAYING RYAN CAN GET THE DRINKS IN SEEN AS HE WON AND DIRECTING HIS NEED TO GET WRECKED IN RYAN'S INFLUENCED AND BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS AURA "let's go get fucked" - that both ends my life and resurrects me every time it crosses my mind p l e a s e

us being all I LOVE ROBRON, hugging and just genuinely being inconsolable after the power duo said bye and headed off to enjoy the party together like there's so many mixed up memories it was that overwhelming and surreal I think I'm still in the midst of a dryan hangover

walking round London at midnight on autopilot and a delusional bubble just going through the motions breathless with no idea where we are or what we're doing, not even looking when crossing the road, nearly getting run over and not even caring because if we died right there and then we'd die at peak levels of happiness

heading back on a 5hr megabus journey just absolutely shook to the core, recapping and waking up from two hours of broken sleep turning to each other and being like OH MY GOD WE ACTUALLY GOT A PICTURE WITH DANNY AND RYAN

I ended up walking through Leeds at gone 6am in the pissing down rain, my onesie and no makeup but it was well worth it to see Emmerdale sweep the board clean and the two men I owe my life to TOGETHER! IN! THE! FLESH! Honestly I wish I could bottle up the moments and the feelings and just dish it out for everyone to experience because literally nothing compared.

I really do have such an overwhelming amount of love for Danny and Ryan and I'm about to cry again like wow they are just too cute I've never seen a friendship so heartwarming, two people being so loving and tender and supportive towards each other in real life whilst being in a constant cycle of snogging, fighting, problem facing, soul consuming and devoting deeply onscreen. I'm still in disbelief I can't even concentrate on reality nothing else matters but them those two married tv husbands and I don't think I'll ever love anyone more. I was just here living a normal, basic life being a normal, basic human being and then dryan came along and changed everything hehehehe the pain. Seriously, Emmerdale has destroyed every particle of my sanity lately but it's times like this when it hits me that there's no denying they own my ass completely EVEN ON MY DEATH BED THE EVENING OF THE 4TH SEPTEMBER 2017 WILL STILL BE THE LAST I SPEAK OF DESPITE THE REST OF MY DIRE INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL LIFE EVENTS CONTINUING AS I GROW OLD

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #13: "im so EMO (TION)" - Bryce

I cant believe that im still here. And we have majority. 3 vs 2. Matt is coming to me know saying that he wants to work with me but like. Bruh. But that could be good tho having him. I have to see what happens with immunity first.

OKOKOKOK CAN WE JUST DISCUSS HOW AM I A FUCKING GOAT. FIRST OF ALL Jock destroyers was a pretty dominant alliance i played a SNITCH RAT GAME with exposing plans and i was lied to but like can i get some credit here like first of all it was my fucking ideal to even force a tie, bryce wanted sharky out he didn't want rocks i wanted rocks when my ass was literally on the line here and i was still willing to go to rocks because i don't want to be a fucking goat and do what bryce or sharky wants this is the only way i could get brian SHARKYS #1 ALLY out of the game so that you know who sharky's #1 ALLY IS NOW FUCKING ME. so you know what yeah i'm a goat, greatest of all time actually and i at least deserve some level of credit or respect here to pull some shit off like this. only person on the fucking tribe with the balls to do this shit and i don't even have balls. OK BYE.

i literally dont have words. i keep having meltdowns and like its so not like me i usually just treat games as fun but im just so upset bc brian went home when we could have prevented it and now im in a spot where annabelle and sharky control things and im basically going to get 5th. i really thought i was doing something and life came at me real quick and said learn ur place KJFSHKJDFHSKJ. like the play anna made was smart so go her i just hate that i got played and that brian left with the vote steal and that my game is ruined and i came so far and i thought i was playing alright also i hate how everyone and their mother keeps calling me out for playing the middle KJSFHFKS like grow up and shade me in ur confessionals not to my face im SENSITIVE AUBRY. basically the point is: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/506665419092918273/541697763788980225/image0.jpg

I'm SHOCKED. I swore to Annabelle I wouldn't right her name down. And yet she writes my name down! And just as I was thinking I could trust Bryce HE RALLIES VOTES AGAINST ME! I'm so pissed off, and scared, and hurt, and now I have to scramble to figure something out.

Okay let recap everything that has gone down in this 24 hours since I was betrayed. So I talked to Annabelle A LOT. Basically we've talked to each other a ton. I discover that Anna made the plan for the tie and then Bryce was only willing to flip if the vote was for me. SHADY. I knew I should have never trusted him. So basically either I convince Annabelle to save me, everyone goes to rocks, or Matt and Brian flip on me and I go home. I would have said the last one was super unlikely. So I start busting my ass to sway Annabelle. We have really opened up to each other about our games, she is feeling like she has to make a big move. I talked to her about how I feel hurt because I've busted my ass all game to save Anna and Matt and now they both seem unwilling to save me. I tell the guys we just have to be nice but imply to her she stands no shot of making the end without me and how Bryce is going to win. She has no idea we have the vote steal so Brian/Matt would definitely get Bryce out next. So I go to sleep thinking we are making progress. I wake up an Anna is like "Matt was rude to me so I'm definitely not flipping" so I'm starting to feel really hopeless. And then Matt and Brian both started to dodge the idea of rocks. And Anna is telling me Bryce thinks Matt is probably going to flip. So i'm thinking it's over. And in the FB Bois chat Matt and Brian both keep being like "I'm so conflicted" "we'd be guaranteed f4" "blah blah blah" So now I'm realizing these two aren't willing to go to rocks for me. I've spent this whole season trying to save our alliance at any cost. And now that I'm the one in danger...they aren't willing to take the risk. SO now I get it. I've been too nice. If they are going to put their games above mine and aren't willing to risk it so all 3 of us can make F5...I'm going to have to make sure we take that risk because it's my only shot. So I pitch to Anna a way she can get her rocks and I can be safe. We tell them that Anna agrees to save me. That way they think were set and it'll all work out and then it'll go to rocks and I'll be safe. It's super risky and I'm putting all my faith in Annabelle and I feel so scared and guilty and idk but this is the only way I survive and there is a chance Anna goes and it all works out. But...it's also not lost on me that Anna is willing to risk her own game to save me...but my own alliance isn't. I'm feeling...weird.

Brian went home. I...honestly am just feeling horrible. And he was so mad at me. Like mad to the point that I'm worried I ruined a real life friendship over this game. And Matt is furious too and he's going off on me in our group chat which fucking sucks. Like that was the worst case scenario for me. And it sucks. But I shouldn't have to feel bad about this. Like both Brian and Matt were willing to vote me out so they didn't have to go to rocks. They put their game first so why am I a villain for doing the same thing? And they want to be like "we were up front with you about not being sure" like that's supposed to make me feel better. Yeah of course you were honest you weren't the ones in danger. It's easy for y'all to be honest when you're just going to vote me out. I couldn't have been honest with them or they would have flipped and I would have gone home. How do they not see that? Was I supposed to just give up? How is that fair? And how is it that they can vote me out and I just have to accept that but they can't accept that I saved myself. I'm feeling super alone, like I can't trust anybody, and like my best friends won't even take a second to look at it from my point of view. Of course I feel terrible. I just hope this doesn't come between genuine friendships.

ANNA REALLY JUST CLOCKS ME AND SHE KNOW SHE CAN BC WHAT ELSE AM I GOING TO DO. me matt maynor better be this f3 matt might win tbh but idc! anna has CROSSED ME and like laughs in my face FKJADSHFKAJ like yes ur iconic yes u did #that but im in this game with u and its a lil rude to flaunt ur success at me FKJADSHFAKJ when i do sth good i would never constantly bring it up (btw i won immunity once and got that cute blue color so everyone is jealous prob...) also im so emo i miss dennis and i miss brian they were the 2 ppl who i felt close to in the game and theyre both gone i literally am so upset i feel like if i wasnt so busy before tribal i could have talked to brian more and convinced him he had to vote sharky bc i KNEW anna was voting sharky but he bought her lies and i was convincing enough so i just feel its my fault i lost my closest ally (and his vote steal) although maybe he would have beat me in the end so this is good thing? nope! like i think i played alright in the middle but ppl prob wont respect it and idk if i would bc clearly im biased and maybe i am just a goat and thats why im still in like i rly tried to do sth this round but didnt i just ugh so demotivated hehe but maybe ill snap or sth insert positive uplifting quote here i just hope that i can turn this around and defeat anna and her pet shark. ALTHOUGH ITS LIKE WHERE THE BIG DOG PULLS ITS OWNER AND WALKS IT INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND. im so EMO (TION)

yesterday i was feeling a LOT of emotions and now that i have distanced myself i realize that my emotions were VALID and i am perfect and had the RIGHT to be upset that everything went wrong. i am speaking my immunity win into existence it WILL happen. i HAVE done the homework and even if i flop it (which i wont) i will still NOT GO HOME bc matt and maynor are hopefully on my side. OK BUT LIKE IM JUST SO JKAFSHKAJDSFHADSKFJA

This immunity is very important. We cant let Matt or Sharky win it. We need to have the opinion for them available to be voted out.

So like.... I am upset and feel very alone now in this game. Brian got rocked out and i was lied to again. I am just like so over it. I feel manipulated when I did have all the power and could've got a big threat out. but NO sharky and anna the fucking dynamic duo they are decided it would be fun to go to rocks! I am just so over it. Im getting fucking 5th place and I am MAD.

OR AM I? I decided to lie last night and say i gave my idol to brian last night. Why? It would paint an even bigger target on my back so i can go idoling. Cause of course I am not dumb enough to go and give my idol away hell naw. Instead, I need to knock sharky out of the immunity comp tonight but then get everyone on my case so they vote me. then boom idol. i know that this should get me to f3. I hope. If sharky goes next, and anna/maynor win FIC. then i know i can get at least maynor with me cause Bryce will then be the clear winner out of us 4. then maybe i will have a shot at the win but eh, need to get there first. I hope to god this can work and if not, final juror here i come!

I woke up feeling TERRIBLE. I feel so bad about the Brian situation. Matt won't respond because he probably hates me. I feel like a trash person. And tbh I'm questioning if I even deserve to be here.

I feel sick. Literally this is the worst case scenario. If anybody else had won everything would be fine. And now Matt has like given up which makes me even sadder. I'm honestly considering asking everybody to vote me out. So that Matt at least has a shot of making FTC. This sucks.

I WON IMMUNITY WOOOH IM SO ICONIC IM LITERALLY A LOSING FINALIST AND EVERYONE WANTS ME OUT I FEEL LIKE ILL LOSE IN THE END BUT THAT WONT STOP THESE PPL FROM GIVING ME 4TH WHEN I LOSE THE NEXT IMMUNITY AJKFDSHKFAJ THEYRE ALL LIKE SO VISIBLY DISAPPOINTED I WON IM SO SAD NNNN I WOULD BE HAPPY FOR THEM! i really hope they vote out sharky now bc its literally the smart move but im willing to bet theyll keep him to spite me annas gonna be like sharky needs to stay we get him out NEXT round and maynor might be convinced or sth idk and matt idk askdjfhdkjf i thought we were good but he ghosted me all day today so hm. club 96 nina and tina really falling apart

Matt is literally shutting down. Like I'm trying to talk with him and mend things and try to rally him so we can figure out how to keep us both safe and honestly he's just not interested. He seems disinterested and honestly he's being kind of a brat. Stop pouting! Sack up and help me fight. Because yes I was selfish last round and that put us in a tough spot but It was never my idea to trust Bryce or my idea to ignore that we had a vote steal to secure our vote at F6. I'm not the only one who made mistakes. So come on and let's freaking recover! Or are we just supposed to lay down and award Bryce the win? UGH

I was really on the brink of asking everybody to vote me out. But Matt is being so useless right now. If he's going to act like that he'll just get picked off at F4. He has no fight. So I'm over it. I really do love him but at this point I'm going to have to just try my best to get Annabelle and Maynor to believe that they stand the best chance at FTC against me, instead of Bryce or Matt. I've already ruined my reputation so I might as well at least try to fight. I feel over everything but I have to get it together.

The vote hopefully is between Matt and Sharky. I know Bryce really wants Sharky gone. Annabelle and I are talking and seeing which route is the best for us to make it to the end.

Like wow. My brain is so big. Im pretending that I threw away my idol to brian at the last second, and that I am leaving this round. Whereas in actually reality I still have my idol and sure as heck im playing it tonight and making final 4 YEET. like woe is me, woe is me, lol no bitch im here to stay. Sharky like, needs to leave as well. I love him but 2 big if a threat and I would quite like to well, win.

Oh and as I write this annabelle needs me huh. Well listen here, you lied to my fucking face and got brian out. Thus, you also need to leave bish. I am fed up of being lied 2 constantly by these fuckers called my tribemates and I am NOT here for it anymore. Time to play the lies and deceit game myself huh

This round is so weird for me. I felt like I was in such a tough place and feeling really defeated. But now Anna is getting paranoid and there is a very slim chance I could get her to to vote Maynor and then Matt and I both make F4. But my issues is I can't trust anybody. Because I don't think anybody trusts me. Like Maynor is being very noncommittal. Anna keeps flip flopping and maybe she'll flip onto me. Matt seems on board but honestly maybe he deeply deeply hates me and is just lying and will vote me out.

There is a little over an hour left before tribal. I'm convinced that it's me going home. Everyone seems to be too easy to agree to vote with me. It's not looking good.

Literally wtf. The Biggest plot twist of the century is occurring. I'M THE SWING VOTE?? Like since when in hell was I going to be the deciding factor. I mean I like it, I have the power for once and I am safe but still omg i LOVE IT! I am bunsen the Berner in this image, deciding between 2 fates: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DzD8lXwUwAAgTlp?format=jpg&name=900x900

Having a panic attack. Im really nervous. Like i know its between Matt and Sharky. But there is still a chance that somehow me or annabell could still go. I hope it doesnt and its clear cut with Sharky and Matt. Fingers cross. Or imma die.

i had a good talk with anna today and i kind of love her (as long as she votes sharky) i think maynor might go now which is sad bc anna says matt/sharky are doing that but like matt says that he wants me maynor him f3 so who knows! anna like was honest with me about not knowing who to vote and seems to be voting sharky but literally anything can happen so whomst knows.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okokok i feel so fucking badly about this move like so badly ughhhhhhhhhh but i feel like it has to happen i'm so so soooo sorry sharky like you have no idea i've been torn all day on what i should do and idk i feel like i lose no matter what this fucking blows

Sharky is voted out 4-1. 

[survivornavarino]

Episode #5: WE LANA DEL REY TONIGHT FAM -Rebecka

Back from exile so here's the happenings ~Immediately cried to Beckka about Tim leaving and being slaughtered in my arms. ~Messaged Trixie, well she messaged me about what happened our other tribal. ~Messaged all the favs cuz idc if Im at the bottom, im obviously bottom of fans or favs so WHATEVER. ~Talked a lot to Julia cuz we have a lot in common (Witchcraft, being 16 y/o babies, getting lit) ~Told all the favs I have no one in this game which is true. FAVS IF YOU LISTENING TAKE ME IN. PLEASE AND THANKS. ~Messaged Vi cuz at least she was with me.

Honestly what were they thinking with voting out Tee? I guess that's a challenge threat out of the way, so I won't complain.

https://youtu.be/HepZnpuimhM ________________________________________________________________ https://youtu.be/IJWWj23olkA

HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE LANA DEL REY SO MUCH NICE TRY AMIRADOR GET READY PUT ON UR ACRYLIC NAILS AND WINGED EYELINER WE LANA DEL REY TONIGHT FAM 

So the bad news is I found out Drew has been hardcore dropping my name since the game started and I thought we were cool but it's fine snakes will be snakes. I think he's a little shook about my at bat (me having won 1/3 games I've played) cause he's hinted at how crazy that is. And that would explain why he's pulling out fake receipts and conspiracies to get me out. Whew game recognize game https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/ryans-reality-network/images/6/61/Awright_alyssa_edwards.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150724035546 The good news is Eddie is a real one, we really are Joe and Desi from HvHvH, and he spilled all the tea. And honestly we have a similar playing style so we're really about to go the distance, especially if I never get reunited with Julia or Rebecka. SO we need to slay this lip sync so we both live but on the off chance we lose, things are gonna kick into high gear. I've only seen one season of Survivor (HvHvH) but Tyler convinced me to watch Kaoh Rong and let me just say that has shed some light on things. Voting Jacob? Will always be there. Sending another fan out? No problem. Voting long-term? Now that's not a bad idea. So when I said, "What if we got Drew out?" Eddie was all ears. Obviously this is super early and under wraps BUT between the two of us we can make it happen. The key is Tyler and Jake so if we can get them we have a guaranteed majority. It all comes down to timing and the pitch. This is our best chance to clock Drew and whoever fails the vetting process will be left out. If Eddie says that whenever someone takes a shot at Drew they can't afford to miss and that has to be a blindside, then this plan has to be airtight. I wonder who could pull something like that off https://media.giphy.com/media/QmeB1Hr5fz7a0/giphy.gif

I volunteered to do the music video since I was a film major and have professional editing software. It puts a good deal of pressure on me because if we lose it looks like I really dropped the ball. However, I’m hoping that my attempts to organize us and edit the entire thing will earn me some respect and points from my tribe. It’s a bit frustrating getting ideas out of everyone. Nobody seems to want to volunteer thoughts or contribute to the brainstorming and we don’t have much time at all to get this done.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CdgOebQNYEE ________________________________________________________________ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cdsZyoPZe5Q

First challenge on a new tribe and we lost. WHOOP DE DOO. Im going to try and find an in with the favs and hopefully stick with them. Saying how I have no allegience in this game. Also I keep forgetting that I can idol hunt so Im just casually at level 4 still I think. Ill probably look in the morning. But what were we thinking with Great Balls of Fire. That song is iconic and now that Tyler won he has chances of getting an in with people, but I want him gone Obviously no can do since I am not on his tribe anymore. Might as well dwindle down his numbers from this side then.

So we lost the lip sync. I had to apply lipstick for the first time so that was fun. Sadly one of us has to go home and my guess is it's either Heather, Trixie or Vi unless me or another favorite is getting targeted secretly. I need Heather and Trixie in the game if i'm being honest, mainly due to Trixie having rumors spread about her on the OG Admirador tribe and I wanna see if I can mess around with that. Then Heather was saying that people on the OG Admirador tribe were being fake to her, and she also told me Tyler got paranoid due to Heather not responding to Tyler's messages. So I hope Tyler makes it past merge, because I can work with paranoia. For those who don't know I'm trying a villainy thing and it's probably gonna fail miserably and I'm gonna look like a dumb fuck but I was the hero on my season and I wanted to try villainy out. I'm not good at long confessionals I apologize I feel like i'm the kid in the class presentation who speaks in a monotone voice and makes everyone fall asleep.

Me to the other tribe if/when i reach merge and we get to talk: https://desmadrechic.tumblr.com/post/171063789210/oh-god Ignore the caption that came with the video ajsjsjdkjd

So the other tribe voted out Tee and I'm a n g e r y The challenge was a music video. Still a n g e r y We won. Still a n g e r y!

So like this is bad for the fans, I feel like the faves will just band together and take the easy vote route, I need to socialise today. I need to just make strong social bonds and make sure people want to keep me around. I wanna act dumb and want them to think I am a free number for them. I like Drew and feel like he will be loyal to me, I am no 100% sure what Mitch and Autumn will do but I feel like they will keep me over Jake and Tyler if we end up going to tribal.

Well look at that I got added to a new alliance chat...! Autumn added me, Tyler, and Eddie to an alliance and we named it "Keyboard Smashers" and um I like everyone in it but I also like Drew...so I'm gonna protec him! If we lose and we're still on the same tribe I think I'd want to vote out Mitch since he hasn't made any efforts to talk to me individually. It's a shame bc I think we'd have a lot in common, but oh well! Tbh I have a feeling that we're gonna swap into 3 tribes of 5 next round...my psyche is telling me this...and I'm always right! But I hope I'm wrong because I feel like I'm in a really good position on this tribe and I'm scared to swap on a tribe with people from the other tribe because I think Heather and Vi wouldn't work with me, neither would the faves on the other side. Anyways...I'm a bad bitch.

We just did THAT and I'm happy for it. I've not gotten the chance to be as much if a social butterfly as I would like because my work situation is still adjusting, so if I can keep staying safe until merge that would be highly appreciated. HeatherAs of right now he vote is Vi. I dont agree with it since she is the only one who has been truthful to me in this game so far. But I dont see any way of saving her right now. My only choice I feel in this game is to team up with the favs and get out the fans, which I don't mind as long as that fan isn't me. Plus the fans (minus my loves Vi and Tim) all left me out of the vote. If they think I am going to crawl right back to them come another swap or merge, they have something coming. HOPEFULLY THIS VOTE ISNT ME OR ILL CRY.

So I'm just like really sad because I love vi and I never wanted to vote her out of this game but I have to and that's really sad.  I don't really have much else to say I just feel super guilty.

du du du..... another fan bites the dust and another fan gone, another fan gone another fan bites the dust

Why is it that each tribal gets messier than the last? Well maybe I should back up. We lost... again. Wow what curse have we brought to this tribe. I call bs since we were nice enough to give an upbeat song. The judges are bias smh. Anyways literally no one talked. What vote who? I dunno. It’s super silent which brings bad news. Probably gonna have to expect to be voted out tonight. Oh well. Hopefully heather doesn’t get voted out but I feel like it’ll be another fan that’s gone. The favs know each other and so they’re banding together I believe. Such sadness. I’ll just have to wait until tribal to know tho

Oh, right, this is a thing I need to do. Anyway, same boring shit as always, I'd put "Drew won an immunity challenge" as my mood message but it could be about anything, really. I think there are only like two tribal challenges I've ever lost in Athena. Bonus points because it was the music video challenge so you know my ass floated by and gave it all of ten minutes of thought, but we had a damn savant on the tribe! I love it when tribe swaps work out well for me. People were expressing all this sadness for Trixie and Vi going to their fifth tribal in a row and I'm just sitting here like listen, any goddamn time someone wants to take my seat at tribal and give me the night off, they're welcome to it. Denise Stapley is a cute look on some people, I guess. I'm just fine over here with my Cirie Fields kickback realness, I don't need tribal council, y'all can wait until FTC to give me a torch as far as I'm concerned.

What's the haps? Stress, angina, and crippling anxiety. Anyway. We won immunity which I'm real happy about because I can nOT go to tribal council. I absolutely refuse to lose and I'm really hoping I just make it to merge without attending a tribal council. For some reason I feel like I will I will either go to like the tribal before merge and leave at the first tribal I attend or I will make it to merge without losing and I will be merge boot. I really am happy because I feel like if we went to tribal council Drew would have targeted Autumn which is something I am SOOOO against. I literally sold my soul to that girl and that's who I'm riding with for the rest of the game. So because I love ha so much I kind spilled the beans to her about Drew targeting her. I feel like really bad about it though cause I do consider Drew a close friend but for some reason I'm really having a hard time trusting him. I just feel like he's only with me until he doesn't need me anymore and then he'll totally see me for the threat that I am and take me out. I feel so bad about it but I just feel like it's what I needed to do to show Autumn that I trust her and have her back. Because of that I think Autumn would've gone after Drew and I feel like I would've had to pick a side and I really just can't vote Drew out yet njvjsdfkdnsjk. I would literally feel terrible about it cause I usually don't turn on my close allies pre-merge but if he goes after Autumn then I have no other choice. As I'm typing this I'm beginning to wonder why I didn't just tell Drew that I didn't want to vote Autumn out. Maybe he would've said ok we can target somebody else. Why don't I trust him enough to say that? Hmm idk I'm just so on edge. So a 4 person alliance was created and I'm soooooo happy. MY first alliance in this game! I finally feel have something I can maybe rely on and trust for a bit. It includes Autumn, Jake, and Tyler all of which I LOVEEEEE. Like omg this is my dream alliance I'm screaming. If we stick together we at least have enough to tie it. But who knows what will happen. I'm watching you JAKE >.>