#id say i think ive made a few friends today :)

[somnolent-scout]

How was the meetup? I wanted to go but I couldn’t afford it

The TF2 Cosplay Community Meetup was pretty cool! We surprised everyone with Robin Atkin Downes as Medic!

The Meet the Mercs event? Absolutely FANTASTIC. We're definitely going forward with future events like this one.

[domesticated-whores]

choked so hard swallowing my drink down the wrong way that I almost puked and I'm still kinda nauseous hours later, so lol. also, friend (the mutual work friend of me and my man that actually hangs out with him outside of work) witnessed and started saying something about how some people choke on things like that bad enough that it kinda spooks them from drinking and they get dehydrated out of paranoia (no idea if that's true, sounds fake but whatever, he's one of those people yk?) and my dumb ass, full of autism and pure thoughts only, said "damn, if that were a problem I wouldn't be able to put nothing in my mouth, my gag reflex is shit 😞😞" which has probably made it's way to my man. because I'm stupid and was really woozy from coughing til I almost vomited and totally didn't think of what I was saying.

[talon-dragonbeast]

i havent seen this experience talked about much in the nonhuman community, so i thought i could share mine.

i wasnt actually dragonkin as a child, or at least i dont think so. its not that i didnt realise it either, or that i didnt know being human wasnt the only option there was; i was completely, 100% human. well, maybe not 100%– i'd say more like 90%. you see, i was human as a child; that i can be sure of. but i think the possibility of becoming nonhuman, the potential for nonhumanity was always there. im not sure if its because of atypical brain structure, autism/neurodivergency, or just personality– nature vs nurture, and all that.

the thing is, i was human. and now im not. so what happened?

well, i... don't know exactly. but i have a theory.

my brain always had that potential nonhumanity, yes, but if child me hadn't loved animals as much as i did, if i hadn't stayed in the library at recess every day, if i hadn't found a book on dragons and absorbed myself in what would become a long-term special interest, if i had more friends in school... the list goes on. basically, if things had been a little different, i might not even be nonhuman today. i would still be me, of course, but a different me. a human me.

so why am i sharing this? i always read about other critters' experiences with their nonhumanity, and ive noticed that a very common experience is being born nonhuman. on the other claw, there are critters that were human before, but then experienced something that made them become nonhuman. this is not to invalidate any of them, of course! but i had never heard of any experience that was between those two. and i realised that if i wanted to read experiences like mine, i had to write mine first! so, please, share yours! id love to read what you write, even if it's just a few sentences.

[cconfusedkat]

(shaking hands, functioning on three iced coffees, not beta read we just die) (LIL BRO TREATING THIS LIKE AO3Anyways yeah i did not read anything i typed here a second time so my wording might Suck Major Kuss)

Hey chat! sorry my holiday depression unfortunately kicked in, i had a ,, relatively decent Eid (cuz i dont celebrate christmas) ...? so i hope everyone had a relatively better holiday than i did… 💦

My friends often tell me i look like my art and i kinda see it. Hooray! Meeting the artist! Except i took matters into my own hands of making my own collage because I Do Not Have Enough Storage Space For Any Other Editing App

Additional shitpost ❤️ the art I've been most proud of are not actually in here, really! I'm mainly proud of the fanart i made for the few smiling critters AU's aaaall the way back feb-march but. I guess the stuff i liked the most i did this year was probably for the one who wilts? Im trying to think of stuff earlier than that. I noticed i definitely had an improvement in art, and i learned i do have a preference of drawing certain ways now too lmao- the fun of art! I hope to improve more in 2025 :-)

Herm,, all jokes aside, im glad people like my art...?? I am not a very Secure artist myself (already taking me five minutes to type that out and consider myself as an artist) so im SHOCKED when people Actually like my things. My doodles. The sometimes rare occasion of real art i put out there. Like! Wow! Thats crazy

Id have to say the same for youtube- im currently at 456 subscribers 🥺❤️ that is huge to me,, i wouldnt have expected me posting for the first time in years on youtube would result to me getting this many subscribers? ? .???

Im very, VERY thankful for the people ive met this year through fandom and generally. Unfortunately—for the past few months—Ive hit a really low stump in my mental health that limits me from talking to people without getting super drained, even on social media i kinda struggle with being active again. I am thankful for the people that continue to stick around and know im the way that i am,, one day ill be mentally stronger and everyone is gonna see my growth as soon as i can ,, Actually leave my own home and hopefully start a new. I didnt really consider that until one of my friends shared its experiences with me and i GENUINELY realized i can run away and get better one day,, there is a light at the end of the tunnel,, there IS,, but not now. Not today. Not in a few months. Itll take me years to heal but 2025 and ongoing years as i get more freedom to do so,,

UHHHH UHHH. ASIDE FROM CHEESY RANTING OF HAVING HOPES FOR THE FUTURE, YAPYAPYAP- i got a drawing tablet (again another thing my friend inspired me for- technically two major things in a row it inspired me for- hope in the future and drawing BWAHAHA-) and uhhh. HmMMOOHHH YEAH I REUNITED MY MEOWMEOWS! HOORA🎊🎊🎊🎊

my 2025 goals are not just improvement in art,, but in hopes of getting a full time job (since my last full time UMM. did NOT work out well! How am i gonna learn to pay my taxes on my own dawg,) and trying to get a place of my own since i missed out on that two years ago (or one? One year ago? I DUNNO..!!!!) , therapy and trying to heal better compared to my terrible stumps of 2022-2024,, i dunno what else but. Maybe working on my social skills at some point 🗿🗿 a far fetched goal is moving out of state completely and also going on testosterone but that is farrrr from now </33

Thank you lot for following and keeping up with my goofiness i gen did not think an animanga nerd with a passion of indie and mascot horror games could reach 510 followers within one year HELPPP thats crazy

On less serious goals though i hope on watching more animes than reading manga in 2025 BWAHAHAGAHSAJD i read manga more and anime is Extremely Rare for me to watch but both jjk and Beastars have all ive been watching as of recent lol- trust i will be such a geek (girl Please that is NAWT something to look forward to) (YES IT IS. HAVE YOU NO WHIMSY?)

[okifyouinsist]

tagged by @killerandhealerqueen (i just keep forgetting abt this one SIGH but i have free time rn and im committed)

1. why did you choose your url?

growing up, i just wasn't a social media girl purely bc of the fact that my parents were super strict and I assumed they wouldn't allow me to have it and I just never really saw the appeal anyways. Then later a few friends basically forced me to make my first account and because i wasn't very creative and thought i was the funniest bitch ever i made my first user 'ifyouinsist' and it just kinda stuck ig

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

nope. i fear if i had a sideblog id end up neglecting it and forget abt it or make it my new main blog and neglect this blog and this blog is literally my baby

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

well i've had an account since like end of 2019, beginning of 2020???? (im pretty sure) i didnt like use my account tho i just had it to look at other ppls blogs not my own, i only acc recently made up my blog up properly and started posting this year when it was like 2 am and i was on holiday to visit my home country and my mum and my aunts were gossiping and i was like whatever who tf cares how late i am to a fandom and the rest was history

4. do you have a queue tag?

nope, my drafts are a terrifying place and if they ever saw light id die

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

to reblog pretty art and to compliment writers on ao3 AND on tumblr bc they deserve everything and more

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

logan sargeant. need i say any more???? hes my bsf in spirit

7. why did you choose your header?

loscar. LOSCAR. loscar. i am very much totally normal abt them i swear (lying through my teeth rn). they're just my everything unfortunately and sometimes i like to say the fist bump is their version of intertwining their fingers together

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

ik this bc it was the first i myself made and it was abt loscar obviously and i thought i was SO funny (im not) and its lowk still such a flop post but its MY flop post so here it is :)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

idk man im shy (scared of rejection) so i dont have a lot, like genuinely let me go see acc, oh ig its me and my 14 moots against the world i love you guys fr

10. how many followers do you have?

BYE my 26 followers are my 4 lifers fr (im such a flop this is hilarious)

11. how many people do you follow?

37 (sigh need to follow more ppl RN)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

im gonna be so real idk what defines as a shit post but most probably yeah

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

idk im acc really inconsistent like ill be MIA for 2 whole days and the next week ill be on tumblr like for most of my day when i can its very confusing like today ive not been on it a lot im academically locking in and all that

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

ummm no. like. if i see someone i follow getting hate ill send them a supportive ask and then at the end of it be like anon ur such a loser get a life but other than that. nope.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

im very much neutral abt them, like idc if i need to reblog it yk if i want to i will if i dont then i wont

16. do you like tag games?

YES (said in a very normal voice)

17. do you like ask games

YES. i love getting asks id cry if someone sent an ask (i have one rotting away from a moot rn i WILL answer it i swear)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

can i say all my moots. i wanna say all my moots they're all famous in my eyes guys, i start tagging its gonna end with all my moots being tagged but like @killerandhealerqueen and @dwarvenchords were the first 2 ppl to come to my mind theyre both just the coolest fr

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nah. i have FRIEND crushes on literally all of them tho. wanna be their friends SO bad

20. what is the last song you listened to?

Mamichula- Bizarrap

21. what are you currently watching?

in my docuseries era rn watching breakpoint (STILL)(i only have time on the weekends rn SIGH)

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy?

sweet. im such a 'lets skip the dinner and just get dessert' kinda girl

23. what is your current relationship status?

this is SUCH a complicated question to answer but heavily leaning more towards single

24. what is your current obsession?

sports. like just sports in general. like ive always been a casual fan of sports but i never used to take a deep dive into it but this year i decided to dive, and i dived VERY deep, so like motorsports, tennis, football, cricket, trying to get into hocky rn im collecting them atp. also. documentaries. like when i get time ill be binge watching like 5 documentaries i just love them sm

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

wish i could tell you fr, i mean, rn im re listening to SOUR by Olivia Rodriguez AGAIN bc thats the way my life is going SIGH, Olivia is my favourite basic artist fr, nothing compares to listening to SOUR for the first time in 2021

ANYWAYS, thanks again for the tag i really appreciate it, im gonna tag @ezisregrettinglifedecisions @fabeong @whatssthepooiintt

[jewishbarbies]

watching that vid out of morbid curiosity... im only like 12mins in, and she complains a lot about them having male exes, saying that it's not realistic... and idgi, in my personal experience, id say of the lesbians ive known, a fair few have male exes? not even because they were bi/pan, it was just societal pressure to at least *try* to date a man, a couple of them even still stayed in touch not because there's any attraction, they just were & are good friends (which is probably why they "dated" in the first place id imagine)

idk, sorry to come in your ask & kvetch, it just was so strange to me to hear her say it's unrealistic or lesbiphobic to portray them having male exes. also, the acting like femme4femmes dont exist or writing them is oppressive ??? and getting pissy about lesbians that arent "out and proud"... i feel like there are very real things you can talk about wrt to lesbian romance having issues, but the things she chose feel so odd.

(context: a lesbian made a yt ‘essay’ complaining that sapphic romance books weren’t 100% lesbians all the time and said a bunch of shit about bi people and biphobia not being real, etc.)

the woman is just detached from reality. today i saw one of her tiktoks someone was stitching and i didn’t realize it was her at first, but she was going off about how she “doesn’t gaf about the government or the supreme court bc this country was founded on slavery and genocide” so therefore she wasn’t gonna vote at all. the black woman stitching quickly put her back in her place. but the biphobe just sounded like a vapid moron drenched in internet leftist lingo with no real intelligence to actually comprehend those concepts and apply them to real life. so her video actually makes sense knowing she’s just That Dumb about everything apparently.

her logic about lesbians “not having exes” and bi people not being real just sounds like regurgitated radfem bullshit honestly. the obsessed they have with so called “gold star lesbians” because they’ve never been “tainted” by men. it turns women into sex objects for the pleasure of radfem lesbians and it’s disgusting. like, how are you so “pro woman” that you objectify and dehumanize women when it suits you? but, oh, it’s okay bc they’re women, too. fuck ooooff. they’re the first to yell about comp het but somehow think it’s unrealistic that a lesbian might have a male ex. you can’t have it both ways. either bi people are secret lesbians who date men bc of comp het or lesbians can’t possibly have male exes.

the whole debate on what “sapphic” means is so ridiculous to me, because it’s literally just wlw. there’s no stipulation that they HAVE to be only lesbians and it would be hella weird if there was. At the end of the day, radfem lesbians will always be disgusted by queer women who don’t fit their definition of the Perfect Lesbian Woman bc if they’ve been with a man or find men attractive, they’re automatically not touchable by radfem lesbians and it ruins them for sexual enjoyment. i find women sexually attractive as much as the next queer, but if you’re sexualizing women to the point where you’re not taking their personalities and desires into account, are you really in love with women? or just the enjoyment you get from having access to their bodies? think on it.

[quodekash]

guys jokezo just made out and now they have to share a bed together. just chew on that for a bit.

NO, DON'T GIVE ME THEM SITTING ON A BUS

GIVE ME WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THEY HAD TO SLEEP IN THE SAME FREAKING BED IMMEDIATELY AFTER THEY MADE OUT

👀

(they made out last night btw)

(just in case anyone forgot)

(and then they had to share a bed)

ass x7

also zo is fully just not doing anything lmao

everyone's pushing with all their might and zo is just ��‍♂️

FUIWEBSDGIOUVEWJBOGD

oh the desperate thigh grab

yeah, im with him on this, they need to talk about it. especially about how they had to slEEP IN THE SAME FREAKING BED AFTER THAT

welp. I guess joke's day was just ruined in a slap to the face disguised as a few words

AND THE WAY HE TAKES HIS HAND OFF ZO'S THIGH AFTER THAT????? OUCHHHH

I must say tho, this is really giving episode-6-of-bad-buddy

its very patpran-post-rooftop-kiss-core

the vibes be gay and yearning and very very sad

OKAY, THE MOTHER, FINALLY

a few things to say about her

1. she's gorgeous

2. DAMN she is SHORT

3. I was rewatching the first four episodes yesterday and today because I could, and I noticed in the first episode, zo asked his friends to not tag him in photos they took at the bar, because "I don't want my mum to see"

but my question is... why? he's just out drinking with friends, he's an adult, he's not being irresponsible or anything, so why doesn't he want her to see the photos?

is it something to do with what his mum thinks of him? is she overbearing? does she have high expectations of him? does she kinda suck?

she's probably lovely though, and ill end up adding her to my list-of-fictional-parents-to-get-adopted-by (it's a very long list)

I guess we shall find out today as the episode progresses

oh, honey, you're so queer

the amount of times ive done exactly this

she's so short its hilarious omg

also: ive decided I love his mum

she's so sweet

and neither of them know how to use a stove and I think that's so hilarious and endearing

HSDHSHFSHDHHS

(also: this scene is making me think of akkayan at aye's house having a meal with his mum and rhbgdhjgb)

he's putting two and two together

the few braincells he has that aren't dedicated to debating are whirring in his mind

I can practically hear his thoughts

"he kissed me back... he wants to talk about the kiss... we went on two dates together at his suggestion... he showed up at my house and charmed my mother... he says I have secret admirers..." cmon sweetie youre so close

"WAIT, DOES HE LIKE ME?" omg honeybun you did it!

or maybe he didn't do it

maybe he was still shuffling the pieces in his brain but hadn't put them together and then his mum said something and distracted him

either way: that was hilarious and I want to high five dunk for his acting there

HIGH EXPECTATIONS, I KNEW IT

still love her tho

high expectations suck but she seems wonderful so far (obviously my opinion will change if the circumstances do (like if it turns out she completely sucks) but for now she's made it to the adoption list)

brb, gonna go cry real quick

well now their thumbs are making out

you see, I understand the things he's saying. and I honestly agree with him. if I were ever somehow put in his position, id probably say the same things.

HOWEVER, I just want my bl boys to kiss again and be happy and together and I appreciate the realism over the usual fantasy kinda situation we go for in bls, but I just want them to kissssss

this is very good advice

I hope that jokezo kiss again this episode

also AAAGBRDHFKBG JENGPOK CRUMBS

YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO'S LOSING THEIR MIND OVER JENGPOK AGAIN

BERIUFDJKGBEORPVFD

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

SHUT UP

SHUT UP SHUT UP

IM NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING

FHEWSDGFVESDV

THIS IS TOO FUNNY

im gonna start crying soon

its so funny

help me

girl is worried

I know this is what jeng told you to do but is during debate club really the right moment

im so certain that she ships it

awwhhhhh

HE SAID IT

HE SAID THE THING

AAAAAAAAA

hell yeah

GOUERJLHDGOBIERVLDNF

AAAAAAAAAAA

IM SCREAMING

THATS IT??

THAT'S THE END OF THE EPISODE??

THEY DIDNT EVEN KISS

OR ADDRESS THE FACT THAT - and I can't stress this enough - THEY SLEPT IN THE SAME FREAKING BED AFTER FULL-ASS MAKING OUT

omg next episode is gonna be amazing

I can't wait

gekjrdsbfd I love them so much

im like 70% certain they're gonna kiss next episode so fingers crossed

ALSO NITA DEFINITELY SHIPS IT

anyway. that was good. I should go to sleep now

[sullenconeygirl]

Body dysmorphia amongst women:

Do you ever look at someone so beautiful that you just wonder to yourself that this woman has probably never ever felt insecure before because of how “perfect” they look to you? We all do, and I definitely do, but what I’ve realised is that no woman I’ve ever met has ever not said one bad thing about her body. ‘I look so fat today’ ‘my shoulders are too broad’ ‘my nose is so big’ ‘I wish my boobs were bigger’ ‘my thighs are so fat’. I have heard this from almost every woman I have ever spoken to. So I decided to interview a couple of my friends. Friends of mine that I find extremely beautiful and that I also thought could never possibly be insecure about themselves. I asked about what caused their insecurities and how they effect them till this day and wether they think women ever truly love their bodies or not. Here is what a few of my friends said ( most are kept anonymous due to privacy reasons)

Ruby flach :

growing up I always felt different from others. I felt as if my body made me who I am. I feel as if it holds all my value as a women. i compared every feature, every pore every single tiny little flaw that only id be able to notice to the other girls around me. ive never been insanely skinny, and although that’s all I want in life, I never successfully achieve it. during the years of covid, i fell into a deep depression which made my self esteem worse than it already was. i stopped eating, and when I did, I would purge. and the funny thing is, I would be proud of myself for it. it was like a reward to me. but, I think every women can agree that body dysmorphia is almost a never ending thing and it’s part of our lives. Young girls and older women, skinny and fat, we all feel the same. we all equally share the same secret hatred for ourselves. And deep down I know that even if my body changes, my mind won’t.

Anonymous:

basically it started by getting comments and stuff about my looks. Saying stuff like how big my forehead was and how large I was. It also was about my nose and how fat it looked from the front. That was when I was around eleven. I used to get made fun of from year two to around year six and it really affected my confidence and stuff. To this day i still have really bad body dysphoria. I still see myself as that ugly little girl nobody wanted to sit with because she wasn’t pretty enough. I still think I look too fat or too ugly to get any validation or anything. I still try to convince myself that i’m not like that and that i’m not ugly and stuff. I try to surround myself with people who I know won’t make fun of my looks. Who won’t treat me like i’m nothing but my looks.

Anonymous :

It all started when I was 9, it was because of a boy in my primary school. He used to make fun of the way I was built and call me names, so that summer holiday I started having eating problems and it was during covid. When I came back to school I lost a lot of weight, however he’d still call me names and stuff. So I never really felt comfortable in my body. Even after all that I was still being called names. Since then I’ve gained weight and I’ve been trying to get better by playing a lot of sports and stuff but I feel like I’ll never be better and there’s always gonna be something wrong about me. To be honest I don’t really think a woman can ever be truly in love with her body, I have thin friends, thick friends, friends with all body shapes and they’re all insecure about something that they have. From my point of view, I don’t think woman will ever truly be comfortable enough in their own body because of the comments that are directed towards them.

Anonymous :

how it all started was I saw other girls bodies and I was like how can I be skinny like them? but I never knew how to,and I was always disgusted and uncomfortable with my body no matter what I did,I would never be happy, I saw other girls and I would be like she’s so pretty but if I imagined having my face into theirs I knew I y never be happy because I just never liked my body, it also started cause I would get bullied like crazy and I would compare myself a lot cuz of media ,it effects my daily life because like I starved myself so I would get dizzy and got diagnosed w anemia, it effects my relationships w others cause I keep ranting about my body and I feel empty n disappointed with having my body but no one really understood , I tried to get rid of it by being more positive w myself and be healthier cause the more healthier I am the less shitty I feel, I tried that so many times, it never worked but now I’m trying to adjust my mindset and be a better person for myself n others.

These are all responses from some of the most beautiful girls you’ll see, girls who you would look at on the street and admire and be jealous of. but when you really get to know them you realise they are no different from you. 90% of women get eating disorders from the comments they receive and 80% of them start getting those comments at the ages of 7-10. these women will do everything in their power to change themselves but it won’t be because they want to it’ll only be to fit into society and be accepted by others.

Does the ideal body really exist? Is there really a specific body type that could never be hated by anyone. The perfect body, does it exist?

In my opinion I really don’t think it does. Maybe it does to you but that’s just the ideal body in your eyes. But not in everyone’s eyes. Same goes for looks. It’s all subjective. You might look at a supermodel and think to yourself that this is every man’s ideal body type and that there is absolutely no possible way that any man could find her unattractive but that is just not true at all. In my own experience I have had men tell me I’m either too skinny or have the perfect body or that I’m not skinny enough. So no there genuinely is no ideal body type.

In my own experience my ed started very early. When I was around 8 I wasn’t very beautiful but the only thing I would ever get complimented on was how tall and thin I was, and I thought it was the only good thing about me and that if I wasn’t skinny anymore I wouldn’t be good in anyway. So I would eat as little as possible and I would go run every morning with my dad, my parents thought I was just trying to be healthy but I was slowly losing myself to an obsession of staying thin. Then when I got to the age of I think 12 I completely stopped eating, I would starve for 3 days straight and then eat like crazy just to workout like crazy until I’d pass out at the train station omw to school.

I later realised starving only ever made me gain back the weight even quicker. Till this day I wouldn’t say I’m completely healed but I’m a lot better than I used to be. Although I still have times when I gain weight and start getting triggered to go back to my old ways again. And as much as I do I never tell anyone about it because I always feel weird as if I’m attention seeking.

Do I think a woman could ever be truly confident in her own body? No I do not. I think no matter how much a woman changes her body or how much work she gets done there is always going to be that one moment where you’ll still want something on your body to be different wether it be your facial feature or body feature or if your getting old. It never stops the only thing you can do is try to love yourself as much as possible as much as you can so that those moments won’t occur as much but that’s just my point of view. I don’t think it’s possible for a woman to ever get of the misery of body dysmorphia.

[mikeyswayy]

hey, uh. hi. yeah. sorry i dont know why im doing this. im pretty sure youre dead. god i hope you arent. maybe this is just the digital form of visiting someones grave eh? yeah, i dunno. its lonely without you. keep wanting to tag you in things, god i fucking wish i could still tag you in things. i was a little scared to send this one, even just to write it, but id rather you be alive and proving me a fool for writing this than dead. maybe with my luck the universe’ll wanna make me look stupid so bad that ur actually fine. i miss you. ive been waiting the past few days you know that? waiting to be wrong waiting for you to come back waiting for this to be like the other times, but its been four days now. i just. i hope you found peace man, i hope if you are dead its better than anything ever was back here, you deserve it.

while im here i figure i may as well catch you up on everything goin on, not anywhere near as good as getting to freak out about it on here with you but i think its the best im gonna get. so basically a couple days ago frank posted five random dates in the shape of the mcr logo and that was. jesus frank. the dates are 11/13, 2/16, 3/7, 2/24, and 12/6. i now live in fear. and then today the official mcr account posted a picture with a background that looks reminiscent of paper kingdom, oh god, 150 peices of,, ash? confetti?? falling down over large red letters that spell out a backwards k and then cr. so basically. going insane over if this is mcr5 or not. fuck youll never get to see mcr5 will you? fucking scary, feels wrong to get excited about it without you. i hope youre okay, i really fucking hope youre okay and all this is for nothing i hope youre in the hospital because soneone found you before it was too late and you just cant have your phone because of it, i hope you didnt even do anything and youre just staying off tumblr just anything, please, fuck man you have to be okay alright?? im scared, i really miss you, i know we werent that close or even close at all but you mean do much to me alright i need you i need you to be fine. i hope you see this. oh, on the topic of not being close, i uh. never learned your real name. i made a small patch with your username and put it in the left breast pocket of my coat, i hope thats alright. wanted you close to me and all

i think thats it, so uh. this is goodbye i suppose. i didnt get to say goodbye before. saw your post 2 hours late. it hurts, i try not to get too caught up in the what ifs though. its hard. so goodbye friend, until next time. i hope to see you again. i love you.

I'm not dead!

I'm sorry I scared you like really badly but I'm okay

What happened was I like almost didn't but I didn't go deep enough to do any real harm to myself

I cut a little but not the full way so I'm fine but if I had went all the way I would probably be gone bc no one did like come in my room for a while after

I've just been staying off of here and not really posting because I didn't really think anyone would really care if I was dead or not

But I know you do

Also I really appreciate you saying what's been happening with MCR thank u

I know abt everything but still u telling me is really sweet, thank you

The patch is really nice, thank you

I feel like doing something similar since u did that and I probably scared the living shit out of you so yeah something with ur user maybe idk is that weird idk

I love you too man

I'm really sorry for scaring you I just didn't know what to do that day and I'm sorry for not really posting anything after that 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[b0ard1ngsch00l]

(boss crush anon) thanks :D i'll start with context, im 28 and hes 48..funnily enough i had a dream recently where i was back in high school and he was my teacher LOL, thought that was relevant. ive had this crush for a few months now and have been writing about every little interaction i have with him. one of your posts that rly spoke to me was "i want to mean something to him", bc girl no joke ive written that exact sentiment about him before. every time i talk to him feels special, i get a legit high thinking about seeing him every day. hes so painfully handsome and nice to me, sometimes when he sees me his whole face just lights up and he gives me this HUGE smile. hes also the only person i work with who calls me by a shortened version of my name <3 one of my other coworkers even noticed that he did that and i was like 0///0 yeah he has a nickname for me so what?

there was an after-work happy hour that i went to once, i brought a friend and asked her to watch how he acted around me bc he can be hard for me to read sometimes, i cant see his behavior objectively when i have so much wishful thinking going on lol. she told me later that when we walked in, he made a beeline straight for me right away, and seemed sorta shy when talking to me. she asked how i was doing at my job (i was new at the time) and he said something like "shes awesome! every day that shes here is a great day!" and my face mustve been beet red..he kept showing up in our conversations with other people and standing near me, something ive noticed he does a lot in group situations. just recently, we had an premiere with lots of people and since i was on the clock i was standing by myself in the back of the room, watching in case someone needed anything. fr he comes over and stands RIGHT next to me. there was no one else around that area, he chose to stand right beside me while we watched the premiere.

he was out of the office for a whole week once (work related reasons) and i angsted so hard..not seeing him on weekends is bad enough but this was like 10 days and i was going feral. we followed each other on instagram after that happy hour and during that week he was gone he randomly liked one of my posts late at night. i have to wonder if he was missing me too..the next day he came by my work area to ask "whats new?", like he just wanted to catch up after being away which i thought was sweet. yesterday he was teasing me about hiding some of our work halloween decorations in my car to scare me (cute lol), today he was showing me how to tape a package with a confusing tape dispenser and our hands brushed multiple times while handing the tape back and forth, and god only knows whatll happen tomorrow!!

hes so wonderful and i rly want to know more about him, i want to be around him constantly and any time i get with him is instant dopamine. hes intoxicating and i feel selfish wishing he'd break a million rules for me (boss/employee relations, 20 year age gap, and yeah you guessed it hes also married) but i just cant help myself......im not planning on making a move bc i love my job too much to risk getting fired for that, but if HE did you know id reciprocate in an instant. but im glad to just know him even if things remain the same as they are forever, as much as i wish theyd escalate. THANK YOU for letting me get this all out of my system, theres even more i could say but this is long enough lol. have an amazing day, G <333333333

This was very enjoyable to read thank you! The way you both are seems sooo cute! I’m so glad you can relate to me <33 I so get you, and everything you’re feeling yk. It’s hard being obsessed with middle aged men who deep down you know you can’t have😭 but also there’s no other feeling like it and it’s kinda the best! Any time you need to rant about him I’d love to hear!💕

[polyamorouspunk]

Hey friend, im really glad to see you doing better. Ill admit ive been a bit worried about you as of late, just been too sick and tired to formulate any meaningful things to say. Im also getting better now, so i can say it now. You mean alot to me, since youre a friend and a big part of why I ended up joining my local punk scene and finding these people i feel at home with. I think the world would be a much bleaker and darker place without you in it, and i know id miss your presence, as im sure quite a few others would too. Ily /p, and i am biting you affectionately forever. Hope things can keep going well for you, world knows you deserve a break. Feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to

<3

Thank you.

I’m not going to say that getting together with ⚡️ magically fixed everything in my life, there’s still a lot going on outside of that and details that need to be worked out and everything but the main weight of having this sort of back and forth hanging over my head after having a string of people act like they wanted to get with me or at least show interest in me only to then say that’s not what their intentions is gone for the most part now.

There’s been a lot of drama in my scene that I’ve been wrapped up in as well, nothing out of the ordinary or unusual for a punk scene, but I am starting to get a bit drained from the amount of shows and events. Better to be burnt out from social interaction with friends than from work or relationship drama.

I’m not feeling the best today, but it’s nowhere near the levels I have been feeling. I’m glad we were both able to find a home in a scene like the ones that we have, and I’m forever grateful that I found a dumbass of my own within the scene and she’s the fucking head of it all and her dumbass chose me of all people.

I can promise that things are better, I’m not in crisis mode anymore, and there’s a good chance I’m not going to slide back into crisis mode for a good while. I hate to say that my mental health has really been hinging on my relationship with ⚡️ because that’s really unfair of me to say but it has been. Being able to be with her in a much more solidified way has literally fixed like 90% of what has been wrong.

I’m feeling rather tired and sick myself today. I made an appointment with the doctor treating my fibro for today because last week I had a day where around 3pm my entire body started getting really sore out of nowhere, and then one morning I woke up with my legs already hurting and then the night before my birthday I nearly doubled the dosage of my pain meds and it was still hardly enough to get me to sleep, and today I woke up really sore and I’m still very tender and sore, but all he did was tell me to take calcium and magnesium so I’m just adding another pill to my nightly concoction. If it helps it helps I guess I just. You know. I don’t want to be u grateful because all things considered if one more pill helps that’s a very small price to pay vs upending my entire life or whatever.

This ask is at least a week old I think from when I announced that ⚡️ and I were back/more together, so I hope that you’ve been feeling better during that time and into now. Always good to hear from you.

[stardusttshowers]

*heelys in a few days late with a smoothie* hi can i get uhhhh 6, 25, and 13 specifically abt dim (dunk him into a lake do it do it >:3)

heck yeah!!! >:3 never too late for salt!!

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

OH this is a good one!! going into the spm fandom for this one but i can name one pairing i think!! that pairing is d*mentio/nastasia!

i didn’t used to like it before because i had no idea how they would work out and the portrayals i saw felt out of character compared to their game selves; but my spm fandom friends changed that!!

while that pairing isn’t one i tend to ship myself, seeing my friends in the spm fandom explore their dynamic in a “rivals and lovers” way made it all the more interesting and absolutely delicious; and now i enjoy seeing the d*mentio/nastasia ship! and thinking about their potential sometimes >:3

25. How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?

this question made me think a lot!!

there is one ending to a certain show i watched that infuriates me really bad; but it’s mainly because I watched it for specific themes and things it pitched… that didn’t come through in the final execution? i really dont want to invite its fans to my post so i shan’t say what it is but that ending was really unsatisfying and frustrating to me and not for ship-related reasons, and id definitely change that!! the main character got the short end of the stick and I really don’t like that :(

I guess an ending that also infuriates me really bad that I can talk about is the ending to pokem*n ultra sun/ultra moon!! ive never played this iteration (only played the originals) so shoutout to my friend luke for giving me the gist but i would change SO much about it!!

they did lillie’s whole story so dirty here!! and instead of having her go off to kanto like the originals did, they made gladion leave for kanto!! they made her mother lusam*ne, who in the originals was an amazing villain and awful mother; into an anti-hero and the people in the games called her a great person - and SHE STILL HAD THE FROZEN POKEMON RIGHT THERE!!

the ultra games had cool fun concepts with necrozema and rainbow rocket, but yet they shafted lillie’s whole arc and story, something that gave the originals heart and warmth for these concepts they put in the ultra games. i guess id say keep lillie’s story like it was in the originals but find some way to integrate all that stuff into the postgame or in a way that doesn’t interfere with her story

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

HEHEHEHEH TIME TO DIMMADUNK >:3

i have so many unpopular opinions on this clown and i’ll try to keep them concise because this post is getting Long as im full of salt today but here’s my top three!

- regarding the popularly theorized backstory: if you agree with this theory and have it as your d*mentio’s backstory that is okay, the different takes are interesting!! but my unpopular opinion is that.. to me; he’s literally just some dude. i never really connected the dots to that master magician story being d*mentio’s backstory in the game; and ended up making my own for my headcanons!! he is just some dude who happens to be a magician to me

- regarding d*mentio hurting nastasia at the end of the game: idk how common this opinion is but ive seen it around a few times where people have said that he hurt nassy intentionally and they think that’s why a ship with them together would be considered bad. my unpopular opinion is that he didn’t intentionally hurt nassy and make her fall unconscious! he aimed that bullet for the count, but nastasia took it.

yes, he hurt her and laughed at her “adorably hopeless gesture”!!! but it wasn’t his intention! it was meant for the count!! now what was intentional was d*mentio putting a floro sprout in o’chunks and luigi’s minds.

- ships with d*mentio: my unpopular opinions are that i don’t think that all ships involving d*mentio are bad!! i feel like he should be able to love somebody like everyone else can. but they’ve really gotta be written right to really hit with me i think, and a lot of the more wholesomely written d*mentio ships don’t really do it?? like.. he’s a messy person and does some deranged stuff; I feel like those ships can get messy and interesting if done right; which there’s a lack of that I think.

also this post got long, but I still wanted to link this!! salt ask meme here if you want to hear more salt!

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

hm. ive thought im possibly autistic before, and i have almost a blackout on the bingo, (just one i couldnt mark, the "even if you know they don't care" phrasing in the one about infodumping, if i know someone doesnt care abt what im talking abt id rather die than speak. or i keep starting a sentence, but they keep replying to other people and not me? guess ill die repeating the first few words/(sometimes i drop it and stop trying to say it. but it's still there rentfree in my head for HOURS.)).

i researched everything i had or thought i might have so fuckin much at that time. (4ish years ago. my focus at that time) i almost made my summer project for a credit about autism, i was looking at articles so much. (some were nd author 4 nd readers, but theres way too many allistic article writers and not nearly enough neurodivergent ones.). its hard to express certain things in the questionnaire [especially since i answered "how i feel today" when i took it, i took it before seeing the "answer like its your worst case day" post about diagnoses, but also symptoms no questions talked about]

yet?? the time i tried getting diagnosed, they said "no autism! just depressed" even tho so many of my traits are neurodivergent related symptoms and nowhere near depression related symptoms

(tbf, i now, few years later, think its adhd, not autism. which also fits most of my symptoms convergently, and my dad thinks he might have too but wont test, so genes fit that as well. so "no autism", but ALSO NOT "just depressed". also also i had a friend in middle school diagnosed with adhd, she shared her meds with me once, (dont remember context for why), and they helped. they worked as they were meant to. dont allistic people usually get high off adhd meds though? either way, i had too much going on that WERENT typical depression symptoms, that i included on the questions, for it to "just" be depression.)

...shit, do anons still have a character limit?

Hi there,

I’m not sure what question/advice you’re trying to ask, but I agree that there needs to be more neurodivergent writing.

I’m sorry if this didn’t answer your question. Feel free to send a message if you’d like.

Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

[wanderrlust0]

:s

im home now and im glad me and him got high today bc i dont think i wouldve been able to be okay emotionally and pretend like everythings good. i just read my last journal post and i just started crying. like i gave him till the very last minute to say i love you to me and he didnt so i whispered it as i got ready to get out of the car and he then whispered it back. like, he wasnt gonna say it if i hadnt said it. he just said it bc i said it but i can tell it was like empty words like wtf i feel like he doesnt really love me anymore rn and ive done absolutely nothing wrong like its unfair and im tired of it. he hasnt been himself since tuesday. first he wasnt himself when i saw him sunday. then i forced him to talk about it a little. then he was good monday, saying good morning, goodnight, using :3 a lot. then tuesday he just went back to the dryness and sounding uninterested. stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning to me. its now thursday (technically) we hung out. i texted in caps goodmorning bc he again just started saying stuff. i feel like he was only okay today bc he was high. he was touching me a lot but mostly my ass bc i wore a skirt. i didnt mind it ofc but i did sorta feel like he was mostly touching me in a sexual way and less romantic way. he is so fixated on my friend who he doesnt like and thinks id cheat with. bunny stop being insecure..honestly. i feel like its def that and his inability to fully trust me is what the main problem is. like he was barely loving meD: i can tellll when he genuinely does bc he shows it but today and these past few days just felt so casual and not full of effort. like why the fuck am i really crying right now like idk how im feeling bc im like ofc hurt and im confused and tired and annoyed and upset and sad and it feels less fun. i always end up doing most of the talking when hes like this bc itll make me so uncomfortable to sit in silence. like theres a good silence and a weird silence. i used the bathroom and left my phone on the table. ik he most likely scrolled thru my notifications. like im sure he def did. he was standing right there. even tho it was locked and he cant see the details of the notifs ik i have nothing to hide. the thing is how long is it gonna take for him to have some faith in me and stop doubting me and treating me like im a copy of everyones past mistakes. i think now im really actually not gonna act like things dont affect me and show more dryness or annoyance or distance. whatever i feel towards him ill reciprocate or stop pretending like its nothing. he didnt answer my text where i sent him a video that i thought was cute and funny and i wanted him to see it too. no acknowledgement from that. he hasnt sent me an ig reel in days. he stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning. he did now. the edible made him happier today and same with me. we drank and it made us both sleepy. idk what hes feeling towards me. he doesnt really share everything bc he thinks that it doesnt make a diff if we talk about it or not bc he feels like nothing will change and its pointless. i obviously disagree and i feel like we def have to talk, whether itll make a diff or not. it will do something. itll help us understand each other more. itll help us see things in a diff perspective. itll help us clear the air and get rid of the elephant thats lowkey in the room. i wish he wasnt so insecure in times like these. i wish he was more confident with himself. i wish he would really just love me unconditionally and not question our love. i wish i didnt have to tiptoe around the topic of my friend. i wish hed pay attention to whats in front of him and realize how great we can be. hes like a part of me now and i cant see myself without him and i desperatelyy wish hed just understand thatD; im trying and doing my best. i love him to pieces, but if i feel that hes losing interest, it makes me lose interest and i emotionally feel less of a connection to who he is. its like i love him and want him close by but his energy isnt the same person and i miss him againnn. hes back to caring less

[smwprivate]

Warning: Word vomit and gushy post

I don't say this often but I am really proud of myself. I got myself through college and I seriously did not think I would. I had a really hard freshmen year and then when things picked up covid happened. In 2020, after getting on academic warning I had one more quarter to get my grades up or else I was going to be expelled. I was so scared. I thought it was the end of my college life. I decided to take control of my life by starting therapy and getting help for school. I dropped down to only a few classes per quarter and worked my ass off to finish. I ended up passing winter quarter! After that I decided to listen to my heart and change majors. I wanted to be a psychology major... I went into college as a psychology major and made friends in the program but after a while I fell out of love with it. I felt dread and fear whenever I thought of going back to those classes. It was terrifying to realize something you went to school for and spent 3 years studying was not for you. I dont know what it was but I decided to look into education. I researched and found someone to talk to about being a teacher. I realized then that THIS was what I was meant to do. I felt so silly, id always wanted to work with kids and be a teacher i have no clue why I didn't do it. I knew there was something missing in my life. I was pursuing a child development minor so I could work in a school as a school psychologist...hindsight is 2020 though. Anyways, I enrolled in the program and once I got back on campus I had my first quarter of the ed program! I was so scared to start all the way back at the beginning. I had spent 3 years in a different program and I had no idea what it would be like. I ended up having s great quarter and FINALLY getting my love of school and life back! I thrived and continued to thrive for the next 6 quarters. I have had the best time being in a classroom and learning. Flash forward to now. It is the day before spring quarter ( my last quarter before student teaching) and I am filled with so much excitement. I did it! Im on track to graduate and Ill be a teacher by December!! I have worked my ass off to get to this point. I am sooo proud of how far ive come. Im in the throws of graduation planning and getting ready for student teaching and life beyond. I am soooo excited to teach. Anyways, this was long but i needed to write it out. I can honestly say I am proud of who I have become and what i am doing. My family is proud of me too. My mom told me today how proud she was of me and that kinda prompted this rant (she knew all thr shit from before). Anyhow... I just wanted to write this out. Lets do this

[darkbluekies]

☁️  (1/3) hey! im back ^__^ sorry ive been away for quite a while. irl stuff has been taking up most of my time lately T__T ... but i still try and check up on your blog when i can. i have a lot to say hehe >:] so now FIRST OF ALL... lets talk about my previous ask.

— I CANT BELIEVE PEOPLE USED TO COPY YOUR STORIES WTF... what happened if you dont mind me asking 😓

— OML THE HUGGING DR KRY FROM BEHIND. IM SO HAPPY YOU WROTE IT TBH LIKE THAT WAS SO GOOD. i didnt know how much i needed a oneshot where his darling gets a panic attack but here we are 😭 THE CONFRONTATION TOO!!

— ... you shouldnt have said that. YOU SHOULDNT HAVE SAID THATTT!!!!HSJKS!!!JS!!SKD!!!! sqUEEZING dr kry's ARMS ? BUFF ARMS ? MAN WHAT IF I BITE IT TOO HUH??? WHAT IF I WHAT IF I (dashes to my secret stash of dr kry ideas)

AAAAAAAAA MY CHILD IS HOME I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU EARLIER TODAY

Don't apologize!!! Please make sure to take care of yourself<333333

Im she/her!!

I have a wattpad, and my readers send in when they find someone copying my stories. When I see that someone does, I message them and ask them to change or put me as the cred. I usually help them with a new idea and with the writing if they're understanding. One time someone copied a oneshot of mine and uploaded it to YouTube and took all the cred ... so mh readers helped me get it down!!

DR KRY SUPREMACY I LOVE WRITING ABOUT HIM. he's such a cold character to other people than his darling <333 ID SAY BITE IT, HED PROBABLY LIKE THAT-

The cynical playhouse is probably my favorite oneshot I've made to date (it contaisn EVRRYTHING FROM GORE TO FLUFF). I've finally started to find my old style again. When I was like 10-15 I wrote in a very graphic and violent way which I lost when I was writing fanfiction because I have limits when it comes to real humans :/ but now that i have made my own characters, I've managed to let lose and found back to the old style, especially with the cynical playhouse!!!

Please show me your drawing someday :((( I see the room in my mind and it's basically a rectangular space with the bed I the middle towards the bed, windows and Dr Krys desk on the readers right (when they're in bed), the door out to the corridor on the left and the door to the bathroom in front of them!! The bookshelf is on the empty wall to the left!!

PLEASE SHARE YOUR DR KRY IDEAS WITH ME IM DYING FOR IT</3

For me it really doesn't matter how people see my characters!! If you think he's blonde, make him blonde haha, I have the OG design but if you think he looks hotter in another way, imagine him however you want :>>

I KNOW IM SO SHOCKED, I LOOKED AF THE GROWTH THJNG AND WEVE GROWNED IVER 260 FOLLOWERS OR EVEN MORE IN A MONTH. I REACHES 300 A FEW DAYS AGO😭❤️

Blue is so cute :(((( my favorite color is dark blue (hence my username) and sadly, I don't have a lot of nicknames. My friend calls me (my name)-cita my family has a joined nickname for me but it's so ugly that I won't tell you haha. I'm perfectly fine with Blue, it's so cute :>>

I'VE MISSED YOU NOW TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND GET SOME WELL DESERVED SLEEP