#id rather the complete abandonment of these ideas

[miraclemaya]

there is something to be said about the way colonial labels will be absorbed by colonized peoples. particularly i think about the way the british labeled sikhs as a martial race and that continues to this day amongst sikhs.

[reiderwriter]

I have a hotch request and if you don’t write it I completely understand☺️

So you’re dating hotch for a couple months and you’ve only went over to his house like 5-6 times(so that’s how many times you’ve hung out with jack) anyway, you go to use the washroom or something before you leave to go home and jack asks his dad if you’re his gf and if you’ll be having a sleepover with them (as you’ve never actually stayed there before) and his heart becomes all warm n fluffy

A/N: Hi! I don't usually write for Hotch, but I decided to give it a crack because this fits pretty well for @imagining-in-the-margins KidFic challenge! It was a fun challenge to write, so thanks for the prompt! I changed it up slightly, but I hope you still enjoy it!

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, step-family dynamics, etc.

10 months of casual dinners, midnight strolls, and stolen kisses, and you still weren't ready to accept that you were in love with your boss. 

Aaron Hotchner was a complicated man, and loving him wasn't as simple as your heart wanted it to be. You worked together but rejected any favouritism he may have shown you. You slept together, but you never stayed in his bed. You kissed him, but you never told him you loved him, even though you were sure you did. 

You just weren't sure you were ready to be a stepmother. 

As a child of divorce, you'd been graced with two step-parents growing up, and while neither were story book evil, they weren't exactly the most welcoming either. You'd bounced between your mother and father's houses, trailing duffle bags, afraid to take up too much space for fear of ruining your parents’ newfound and direly earned happiness. 

Jack had the misfortune of being both a child of divorce and having lost his mother entirely too young and entirely too suddenly. 

When you'd joined the BAU, off the back of Haley Hotchner’s death, Aaron had been a man in mourning, a man scarred by circumstance and regret. But he'd been brave, and he'd been loving, and he'd worked so hard to give his son a good life. 

Five years later, and it seemed obvious now that you had at least respected the man from the very beginning, if not pined for him quite openly. 

There was that final hurdle left to cross, though, and you weren't sure if you'd ever be ready to do so. 

A phone call startled you out of your worries as you sat on your couch, dissociating after a long and hard won case. The shrill ring startled you into action as you frantically searched for wherever it was this time that you left your phone. 

“Hello, yes, I'm here, hi,” you said, finally finding the phone abandoned under some couch pillows. 

“Y/N, it's Aaron.” 

“I know, Aaron. Caller ID, welcome to the 21st century,” You couldn't help smiling into the receiver, so smitten with the man your face was just doing whatever it liked. 

“Right. Look, I wouldn't usually overstep like this, but Jessica and I have to go upto Roy's retirement house, he's not dealing too well with the new environments, and all of Jack's regular babysitters are enjoying the spring weather. I'd ask his friends' moms for an impromptu playmate but-” 

“But you'd rather he be with someone you trust? Aaron, it's fine, I'll come over and watch Jack for a few hours.” 

He sighed into the receiver, and after a few more niceties, you ended the call, still grinning like an idiot. 

You were still grinning like an idiot when your earlier anxiety came back and hit you straight in the chest. You'd met Jack before, but you'd not so subtly avoided any kid based conversations and meet-ups for the last 10 months. 

You had no idea how to entertain a nine year old boy, but you decided quickly that you couldn't half ass it. 

The drive to Hotch's house was almost embarrassingly familiar to you now, having been there so often in the past few months. Jack enjoyed regular sleepovers with his aunt and schoolmates so you could enjoy regular sleepovers with his father, a fact that you had to remind yourself to keep private as you knocked on the door. 

“It's open,” Aaron called from inside, and you hesitantly opened the door and stepped in, bag of last-minute toy purchases stuffed under your arm. 

From the door, you could see Aaron in the kitchen, hands deep in soapy water as he washed lunch dishes and pots, sticking his head out to smile at you. 

“Aaron Hotchner, domestic goddess. Who’d have thought?” 

“I'd ask you to keep this to yourself at work.” 

“Of course,” you said, stepping a fraction closer to him. “Anything to keep the mystery alive.”

He leaned in for a quick kiss, and you reciprocated, letting it linger a second as you smiled into his touch. 

Drying his hands on a towel near him, Aaron called across the apartment for Jack. 

“What's up, Dad?” He asked, peeking out of his bedroom door. 

“This is Y/N. She works with me and Uncle Rossi. She's going to take care of you for a while while me and Aunt Jessica and I visit your Grandpa. Come say hi.”

Creeping out of his room slowly, Jack came to stand just in front of his father's legs as Aaron put his hands on his shoulders, proudly showing off his mini doppelganger. 

“Hi, I'm Jack.” 

“Nice to meet you Jack, my name is Y/N.” You stuck out your hand, and he shook it. You noticed how small his hands were, but how strong his grip was. He was confident, but he was still just a small kid, and you were even more motivated not to mess this up. 

“What's in your bag?” He asked, flicking his eyes down to it every few seconds, as if he was itching to stick his nose right into it. 

“Jack, manners, please.”

“It's okay, Hotch. I brought some toys. Your dad mentioned that Santa's gave you a Nintendo at Christmas, and I thought I'd show you a few of my favourite games.” 

His face lit up as he quickly stepped closer to you, hands on the bag as he waited for you to offer it up, now openly ogling the bags contents, knowing it was for him. 

“You didn't have to bring anything, Y/N.” 

“I wanted to make a good first impression.” 

After being dragged to the nearest sofa and sitting through a five minute walk through of all the house rules, urgency exits and remote locations, you were left alone with Jack Hotchner, remotes in hand ready to play Mario Kart. 

“Okay, now all that's left to do is choose the course you want to race on. Which one do you want to play on?” 

Jack had chosen to use Bowser as his character and chosen Toadette for you quite cutely, and you'd quickly finished cart selection, too.

“We should go through them in order, so we complete them all,” he said after a moment of deliberation. 

You giggled at how seriously he was taking it. And then the first race in the Mushroom Cup started, and you were seriously impressed by how quickly he'd picked up this game. Either kids were just better at video games in general, or you had a prodigy on your hands. 

His serious face was a carbon copy of Hotch when he was hunched over paperwork, and he gave you the same quietly disapproving frown every time your character momentarily overtook his. It was adorable seeing the two reflected in one another. 

By the shell cup, you were nearly exhausted, despite having spent the entire time glued to the couch. 

“What do you think about taking a snack break?” You asked, looking over Aaron Jack, who had turned himself upside down on the couch somewhere in the last three matches and was still beating you. 

“Okay. I'll show you where Dad hides the good snacks,” he said, quickly rolling off the couch as if his bones were liquid. 

You, on the other hand, cracked as you stood, the irony not lost on you as you hobbled your way to the kitchen. 

Opening the cupboard under the sink, Jack routed around for a few seconds before returning with a small box of Reeses Pieces, which you gradually accepted alongside a glass of apple juice. 

“You're a good kid, Jack,” you said, ruffling his hair as he playfully swatted your hand away. 

“Yeah, that's what my dad always says.”

“Your dad is a very smart man.”

He nodded and then went back to quietly eating his candy, somewhat lost in thought. 

You weren't sure if you were supposed to ask him what he was thinking about, or avoid the topic and dive straight back into video games, so you just ate your candy, too, standing together in the kitchen, Mario Kart music playing in the background. 

“Do you like my dad?” He suddenly asked, swallowing down one more bite of apple juice. You'd forgotten that kids were the bluntness people on the planet, not yet having learned the necessity of delicately creeping closer to the actual topic of discussions like adults. 

Jack had landed a sucker punch right to your guy, and you were suddenly choking on Reese's Pieces. 

“Umm,” you said, catching your breath again and hoping your embarrassment wasn't plain as day on your face. “Yes, I respect your father a lot, Jack.” 

“But do you like him?” He said again, eyes wide and expectant as he looked up at you. 

“My dad can be a little scary sometimes. I heard some of my friends' moms saying so at Mitchell C's birthday party last week. They said he's scary, but he's so sad and lonely.” 

Your heart sank in your chest as you watched Jack worry about his dad, worry if Aaron Hotchner was lonely or sad. 

“Jack, your dad isn't lonely or sad. He has you, and Aunt Jessica, and-” 

“And you, right? Because you like my dad?” 

“R-Right. He has me, too.” 

“Great. Let's keep playing. The Banana Cup is next.”

As suddenly as it had started, your serious talk with Jack was over and he bounced his way back to the sofa, clicking go on the next race, as you ran to quickly take your place again, too. 

Five hours later, and you were being shaken softly awake, controller still in your hands as you blinked your eyes open. Somehow, it had gotten dark, and both you and Jack had simultaneously fallen asleep on the couch. 

Now Hotch hovered over you, carrying the sleeping boy in his arms as he woke you up. He mouthed ‘coffee?’ and you nodded quickly, sitting up further and grabbing the nearest remote to turn off the Nintendo. 

With Jack situated in bed quickly, you made your way to the kitchen. Aaron joined you after making sure Jack was still asleep, walking up behind you and wrapping two arms around your middle, leaning his head against your shoulder and exhaling. Despite the shiver down your spine, you leaned further into him, enjoying the feeling of him in your sleepy state. 

“How was it?” He asked, a hint of uncertainty in his voice. You were almost sure that he was conducting this conversation from behind as a means of convincing himself not to read into your every movement and expression. 

“It was great. He's a great kid, you know?” 

“So I've been told.” 

“He's worried about you, too. He said the moms at his school think you're scary and lonely. Which in suburban house mom translates to romantic hero, though I don't think he realizes that.” 

You felt the grumble of a laugh behind you, the sound low and comforting as you let your eyes flutter closed again, content in his arms. 

“Jack…misses his mom. Rebecca is great, but he likes talking to the moms at school. Maybe a little too much, I don't know.” 

“You miss her, too.” It was a statement, not a fact. 

“I do,” he said sadly, holding you tighter. “Is that a problem?” 

“No. No, god no. Aaron, I-” your voice broke, and you hesitated slightly, clearing your voice. You squirmed in his grip until he released you enough to face him.

Doing so may have been a mistake, though, as you locked eyes with him and so desperately wanted to kiss him, to claim his mouth with yours, and let him lift you onto his kitchen counters. 

You squeezed your nails into the palm of your hands to ground yourself and took a steadying breath. 

Which was when Jack decided to make a reappearance. 

“Dad?” He said groggily, wiping the sleep from his eyes as you had only moments earlier. 

You quickly broke apart as Aaron smiled disappointedly, almost as if he were expecting the interruption. 

“Hey, bud. Did you sleep well?” 

Jack nodded, tilting his head a little as though still disorientated. 

“Did I fall asleep on the couch?” 

“Sure did. Both of you, actually.” 

Jack looked at you then and smiled sweetly up at his dad. 

“So Miss Y/N is staying tonight?” He asked, suddenly a little excited and expectant. 

“Well, Miss Y/N has her own house, so we can't just expect her to-” 

“Yeah, I'm staying,” you blurted out, cutting off Hotch mid-sentence. He raised an eyebrow at you, but you ignored him and smiled down at Jack. 

“And if you head back to bed now, I'll make some pancakes for you in the morning,” you whispered conspiratorially with the boy, who raced back to his room. 

Before shutting the door fully, he stopped by his dad and tugged him down to whisper level, saying something before yelling goodnight and taking himself back off to his room. 

“What? What was that?” You pouted, pointing an accusatory finger at Aaron. 

“You first,” he laughed back, leaning on the nearby counter. 

“I promised him pancakes in the morning. What did he say?” 

“Oh, nothing,” he said, pulling you closer to him again. “He just said you had an interesting conversation earlier.” 

“Was it the one where he asked me if Mario speaks English, Italian or Japanese, because I couldn't answer that question for sure.” 

“He said,” he leaned down to your ear to whisper the next words. “That you told him you like me. And he thinks you meant like-like.” 

You flushed hot and avoided eye contact. A childish part of you wanted to deny it, to scoff and run away, like you were on the playground and not in a dimly lit kitchen at midnight. But you couldn't.

“I do. But I'd probably say love and not like-like, seeing as though I'm not nine.” 

“I love you, too,” he whispered, noses touching as he descended to capture your lips once more. 

[alicerosejensen]

Please, since you are responding to requests now, then you may have a little specific text or headlines about how Leon ID, RE4, RE6, Vendetta (any one you like better) copes with the fact that the reader constantly abandons him for the fictional ideal of another man, but in the end always she returns to him, and Leon just loves her so much that he can't refuse her.

If it's too much for you, but please forgive and forget.

No it's fine) I fucking loved the idea. If the text comes out good enough, then maybe I'll even write the second part if someone likes it 😉

Who is she?

Warning: Reader asshole (I apologize); Fem.reader; cheating; Leon constantly forgives; unhealthy relationships; There is a barely noticeable mention of the age difference; Any version of Leon

Synopsis: Leon is tired of forgiving you over and over again, knowing that you always run away from him to another man whom you consider your prince, but when you are disappointed… maybe he should think about himself?

note: I don't think Leon could forgive cheating at all, and even if he did, it would only be once, but just let's dream a little. This man has so much shit that in some of the alternate universes we can imagine that he can forgive the reader.

English is far from my native language, so I apologize for all the errors.

First of all, he was also tired of impermanence. Glass after glass and the beloved princess who is constantly looking for a charming prince again in his head becomes an innocent maiden with soft skin and not that ruinous mermaid who somehow constantly pulls him into her nets. Fingers hold a glass of whiskey in his hands and Leon sees his own reflection in the amber liquid. At the time, you could really be the same sea woman from the legends who drags sailors to the bottom of the oceans, but the trouble is that Leon is at the bottom of the bottle every time you think you have found an incomprehensible ideal in which you will definitely not be disappointed anymore.

Maybe it was your inexperience and young age? Leon remembers how he met you, and he didn't need much. Maybe one or two nights without commitment, without love, because in her heart lived a mysterious woman in red, who sometimes left paper airplanes with traces of lipstick after rare nights.

But you…

For some reason, you have sunk deep into his blood, and Leon himself could not let you go. Gentle touches, stroking your hair in a dream, it was as if he had returned to the skin of Leon's rookie with puppy eyes full of devotion in his gaze. When he nuzzled your neck, touching the skin with his lips, hugging you around the waist so tightly, but painlessly.

It wasn't even about sex, but rather about some kind of warmth and comfort that enveloped like a light veil. Passion was, however, Leon quickly left it in the background, making love to you his priority. Not just a physical attraction, but something more sublime. Just to lie together like this while you're texting someone on your phone, leaving him blissfully unaware that a replacement has been found for him.

"After all, you said yourself that you don't need love," you told him the first time he saw this fucking correspondence in one of the last chats when you were taking a shower. "And I want to be loved"

Then you stood in front of him in a towel with wet hair, while he clutched your phone in his hand, trying to suppress the desire to smash it on the floor. Last night you told him that you were fine with him, and later corresponded with another guy, telling him the same thing. Anger from resentment completely filled his soul. But you were right… He immediately made it clear that he didn't need a serious relationship, but didn't you see all his sincere affection afterwards? He gave you everything you wanted and treated you with such awe, as if he had fragile porcelain in front of him that needed to be taken care of.

And he let you go reluctantly, because it didn't occur to him that you needed those three simple words "I love you", which he didn't think of uttering even in a fit of passion.

The only thing Leon found solace in was alcohol and work that took away all moral resources. But returning to an empty apartment, he wanted more than anything in the world to see you, sleep and bask in the same bed or take you somewhere far away from the noisy city for a week to relax with him. However, his princess was with her Prince charming, which he unfortunately was not. Apparently Leon was some kind of antagonist of this story or just a minor character who is remembered when the plot demands it, because the princess soon became disillusioned with the prince who did not justify all her ideals.

And so history repeats itself… The mermaid swims out of the depths of the sea again to drag him to the bottom with her… It's a funny comparison considering that Leon himself lets you drag him to this very bottom. He forgave… It wiped away your tears, kissing your cheeks flushed from crying and pressed your body to his chest, holding so tightly as if you could fall.

You're so young. So inexperienced and probably a little touchy, so you ran away from him to some asshole who didn't appreciate you as the only flower in the whole wide world. Forgiving you was so easy.

You returned to him that was the main thing after which Leon was going to take care of you to the fullest, not intending to give you to anyone anymore. The relationship was the healing of his traumas. Leon did not even consider what happened between you cheating. There was just a misunderstanding, but now he was going to build trust with you. So as you lay on the crumpled sheets, his lips gently kissed your back. He liked the idea that he was no longer alone. That he doesn't need to live the worst moments of his life alone.

Therefore, returning home always made him look like a dog that was eager to see his beloved person to whom he was attached, and if Leon had a tail, he would definitely wag it so that he could demolish half the apartment.

"Why was it necessary to seek love from other men?"

Leon never considered himself the best partner in the world. Okay, maybe he really doesn't have enough free time to spend with you, but that never means he enjoyed being away from you! Gifts were just a way to make amends with you for his absence, but then he always tried to make up for lost time by inviting you to places ranging from expensive restaurants to a pleasant week-long romantic cruise.

But now, sitting at the table in his apartment and looking into your seemingly sincere tears with pleas for forgiveness, Leon remembers how you left him for the second time.

"What did you promise me?" His voice is ringing in your head, while a cold reaction, along with an indifferent smirk, leaves no chance.Finally, he raised his icy eyes to you, forcing you to remember all your false promises of loyalty to him. "How many times have you promised me that you love me, huh?

Do you remember this number yourself? because Leon is already tired of counting and forgiving.

Silence freezes between the two and only the sound of the heels of your beautiful expensive boots that he gave you not so long ago is heard. You walked up to him and a trail of your perfume enveloped his nose as your fingers stroked the back of his hand.

It is difficult to resist your feminine charms. Initially, Leon considered you the embodiment of a dream that he could reach. As a result, your game of "Love" turned out to be even worse than when Ada played with him. At least she was as honest with him as her secrecy allowed, and you...

"That the last suitor did not live up to expectations again?" sarcastically remarks Leon overturning the glass into himself, drinking the contents completely. "And my beloved princess is running back to the dragon's lair to start waiting for another stupid cute boy who, in her imaginary dreams, will be the one?" Alcohol does not dull the heartache that you brought him with your cheating.

"I'm sorry..." you whisper pathetically, gently grabbing his forearm causing him to let out a low chuckle "Please..."

"What is the number of times? The fifth?" The hand reaches for the bottle again.

Leon is tired of forgiving. Tired of listening to your vows of love and then finding texts with other guys and finding out that you go on dates while he risks his life on a mission.

However, Leon could not himself, he still loved you, but he could no longer forgive these endless antics. The second time, you ran away yourself, telling him that you had found the love of your life, leaving him completely discouraged and confused. That's just this "love" lived for only 2 months, and you couldn't take it anymore, running away from your new lover back to him. Crying, drunkenly clinging to him, and no matter how he was offended by your mean act, Leon's nobility did not allow him to leave you in trouble... Of course, he loved, of course, he wanted you to be there, so when you sobered up and looked at him with such sweet eyes full of tears and sincere remorse for the mistake you made, Leon didn't have the strength to give up on you.

In order for him to forgive, it was only necessary to snuggle up to his back, hug his stomach, sniff and say that you love him very much. You just made a mistake.

Exactly the same scenario was repeated for the third and fourth time, with the only difference being that Leon himself saw a chat with guys on your phone. The last time, he even waited out of interest to see if you would tell him about your subject sighing or if he would have to catch you red-handed again. Fuck, even Ada didn't play on his emotions like that. In the end, Leon decided that he had had enough.

But here you two are again. An endless cycle of cheating and forgiveness.

Part of Leon knew he shouldn't give in to you, but it was so hard to say no. It is already impossible to atone for such an act, and Leon rightly does not want to listen to sweet speeches again, trusting them once again so that in a couple of months he will start licking the wounds from your separation from him again.

"I made a mistake. Again," you said softly, and Leon even ignored you for a while, thinking about something of his own.

"A mistake?" Leon looked at you in disbelief. "It was a mistake the first time. Then I humbled myself and forgave you the second time, but the third, fourth and fifth? Are you serious?!"

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."

Oh, those sweet cheeks of yours and tearful eyes that could destroy any defense of his broken heart. You always speak so sincerely that Leon does not understand if you are a good actress or if some kind of chemical chain is really going on in your head, because of which you are constantly looking for love on the side. It's always not enough for you, but for some reason you sleep with him, eat, live, whisper beautiful words and even make ill-conceived plans for children. Casually and more in jest than seriously, but these conversations were!

The problem is that he loves you, but your feelings for him are like a cigarette. And only ashes remain of them. With each new attempt, he wanted to believe that it would be just you and him, but there was always someone else. And Leon just doesn't know where to put himself. Clumsy in the relationship, he didn't even notice or didn't want to notice your manipulations, but looking into your eyes, he wants to forgive you again and again, giving another attempt to start over.

But there is a limit to everything.

"Leon…" a gentle, even voice interrupts the silence. He could dream about you for the rest of his days, thinking that somewhere in your heart there is still a real love for him. Therefore, when he looks up at you again, he feels only bitterness and sadness.

But what can you know about his sorrows? And yet Leon is not surprised by your presence here. You say you missed him, but this time he wasn't going to believe it.

"What do you want this time?"

"You" you answer without the slightest delay, watching as he drinks another dose of alcohol. "Only you. I know I hurt you, but now everything will be different!"

Finally, a sarcastic grin touches his lips. This makes you feel uncomfortable and your stomach seems to curl up inside, telling you that he is so tired of these toxic relationships that he no longer wants to get involved with anyone.

"Are you serious?!" Leon laughs, twirling the glass in his hands. "Where did that prince go? Believe it or not, I'm not even interested in what happened to you this time because you came running to me again to cry and ask for forgiveness. I've had enough of this shit. I'm done"

He already said this last time, but now you bite the inside of your cheek, taking an empty glass from his hands, pushing your fingers into his palm, hoping that tactile contact will give you the advantage to bring everything back and correct all mistakes.

Because of this, Leon head and heart are in conflict again. The desire to be with the woman he loved unrestrainedly was even stronger than Ada was attracted to, but his mind told him that it would be stupid. Even when you knelt down next to him.

"Please believe me. I understand how much pain I brought you, but I realized a lot. I don't need anyone else give me a chance to fix everything!"

"I really want to believe you. If only I could," he said before kissing your palm in his hand. "Not after all your games"

"No more games," you honestly admitted, trying to convince him.

As if it were true. He does not want to check your phone for the presence of questionable correspondence, looking through the texts of forwarded messages with lovers. He was annoyed by the thought of it, but he really still loved you. Besides, Leon didn't want you to get away with it anymore.

"All those meetings… they didn't really mean anything to me. But I only realized it now."

"You already swore to me in love, swore that those men meant nothing to you, but I always caught you and we went back to where we started. If it didn't mean anything to you, why were you always looking for love on the side? Looking for it from other men when I tried to give you everything you wanted?!" Leon lowered his gaze, looking at you with bloodshot tears. "I don't want to take it anymore" He said before grabbing his glass and taking another shot of whiskey.

"This…it was all such a huge mistake of mine. Foolishness."

"Foolishness?" He grinned and his beautiful blue eyes darkened with anger, "Maybe you just don't know how to be faithful? I forgave the first time because we had a condition that we only sleep, but when it turned into a relationship… I had the strength to accept you for the second, third fucking fourth time, but if you think I'm blind and stupid, then you're very wrong. Look for your ideal further since you haven't seen my kind attitude towards you under your nose!"

Alcohol flows through his veins causing the pain he felt to subside a little. His voice broke and Leon bit his lip, not wanting to say more, but here you are clinging to his back with your arms wrapped in a tight ring of hugs endlessly begging for stupid forgiveness.

"Why couldn't you just love me?"

"I love." Your voice almost turned into a plea when you saw that he was giving up. He let those hugs envelop him, but it didn't get any better. "I will never again… I will never betray you. Please believe me."

He would like to… however, he knows that these words are likely to be followed by another knife in the back. Your hands are too warm and it reminds Leon of those happy moments when he did not remember about your love affairs. About those moments when you were just together.

But then Leon stands up to his full height and you literally rush to him in the hope of that very forgiveness. Looks at him with puppy eyes, forcing him to press his cheek to your crown, feeling his beloved and such a native smell. And it was no less pleasant to respond to your kisses. Leon was just basking with you for a while, maybe because of a drunken fog in his head. The words of love were so tender, sweet and poured like honey into the ears, actually being poison. He could even spend the night with you in this state, but there wasn't that much alcohol in his blood.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." you grab his face by stroking his cheek with your thumb and for some reason he touches your nose with his nose, smiling sweetly. "give me another chance. The last one."

Leon presses against your forehead, pulling your hands away from him, and grabs your face. Not violent, no. But at the bottom of the sapphire eyes you see darkness. One move of his, and the thin neck will clearly break under the influence of his power.

Leon hates that feeling. He hates that you know what power you have over his feelings and heart. You need a couple of affectionate words, a puppy look and gentle hugs so that he digs into your lips with a rough kiss, to which you will respond

"It was the last chance." He said that when he pulled away from your lips, part of him knew that he was making another mistake "Damn it, you better live better according to every word you say. Because if I forgive you, I won't go through this rubbish anymore. Do you understand?"

Leon closed his eyes and exhaled, although he realized only at that moment that he was holding his breath. It was nice to feel your soft lips, even in a moment overshadowed by a broken heart.

"I love you," he whispered, hoping that this time it wasn't simple words that could easily turn out to be unrequited.

[juni-ravenhall]

updated these since the old ones were from 2020. not much is different, erased with white a bunch of options to make it easier to look at for me, changed some minor numbers that dont rly matter bc its not that easy to put those numbers down anyway.

some talk thats mostly about their relation to me and stuff about me instead of stuff about them below ⬇ (actually i should fill one of those out for me myself too. that could be fun)

i adjusted junis brother a bit focusing on just how hes like at the moment of having been rescued to jorvik, rather than thinking about his potential "real personality" if he was able to heal and become a more developed person instead of just full of trauma. i do want to eventually do something with the concept of what if he healed, or what if he hadnt been abandoned in pandoria to begin with? if hes intj like me (his behaviour is based on how i am when im completely broken down, which sadly has happened a lot in my life) then what would it be like to see him healthy and happy? its stuff id like to think about more eventually

also filled in that juni is enfj. back then i wasnt so sure what parts of her were different than me, over time i developed it and she really clearly became enfj. we both share high Ni aka my dominant function as intj but her dom Fe plays into the whole constantly being in contact w ppl thing - im also very caring and loyal, and i genuinely want to save everyone on earth and want everyone to be healthy and happy. i want society to be fixed (and ive got the ideas) and i want ppl to be kind and loving to each other. me and juni share that. but for me, i cant really handle talking to normies much bc their reality is just too different than mine. juni has no problem socialising with anyone, even if she ofc also has ppl shes the closest to and others who she might not get along with as much, its still easy for her bc Fe just has that harmonising feelings thing with others that i dont have (and being a dominant extrovert function, and not being ND, shes also not as exhausted by socialisation).

for me with low Fi i just dont really get much out of socialising for socialisations sake. its part of why i cant handle being on discord servers and stuff like that. i dont "vibe" with people in that way, i want to actually have interesting and intimate conversations and learn more about my friends, their backstory, their problems (can i help them?), their deep and genuine feelings (not stemming from copying others and peer pressure, group-think is extremely irrelevant to me and i dont view people differently if theyre supposedly in-group or out-group - im interested in everyone as an individual). for my whole life ive just been too different and for many reasons not been part of normie's society, so its just really alien to talk to normies. (as in, the abuse and isolation, the disability, the ptsd and depression, the queerness, and also just being intj, not really having a normal brain. i often wonder if the ppl who say bad things about mbti - besides the obvious "job and school mbti use is bad" yeah it is - have known what its like to just not be able to relate to almost anyone around you ever when it comes to personality. even online, even in a nerdy group, even in a place with ND people, even with queer people, even with disabled people, youre still different. you still cant relate. for me, finding out that im just a weird personality type was really important, and then i was able to study other ppl's personality types and now i actually get why people behave the way they do and why society functions the way it does for better or worse. which is a great thing to understand imo. the "omg mbti bad bc jobs and school and the tests are dumb" is one thing, but studying the functions and really truly diving into how other people function and how theyre different from you and how you all work and how the human history of the world has happened, is beautiful to me.)

as a low Fi person, with a focus on 1-on-1 connection rather than groups, i focus on talking intensely to the beloved weirdos on my computer, or posting my rambles and reading you guys rambles in return. u guys prob dont even realise, but for a lot of u, i remember like... u posting about ur job or school one time. what u posted about that u wanted to do or what ur upset about. i think about what ur ocs symbolise, why u write them that way, what part of ur personality and your lived experience, your feelings, makes u project this or that on characters. i think that a lot of ppl treat social media as a more shallow and "a drop in the ocean" type of thing, but for me, even ppl ive not talked to much on my dash, if youve been my mutual for some time, i think about you and remember things about you. if you post music i listen to it both to see if i might like the song but also bc im interested in what you like. i like learning things about people around me, the same way i like learning things about the world in general and spend obscene amounts of time studying and analysing the world both in its current and past. its an intj thing because its about my dominant Ni function, which loves analysing patterns and taking in information to process. but i dont mean that in a cold way, its an intimacy and friendship to me to learn things about you and understand you. not to "vibe" but to really know someone and see the puzzle pieces of their life. im very much about all the puzzle pieces that makes you You. im not saying its wrong to vibe and chill instead of analysing your mutuals like puzzles, just that this is something thats very different from how i am, and its been hard for me in life to relate to the way most people are.

idk if anyones reading this but some of you also prob noticed that i will pop out of nowhere and talk to you about some random thing you posted thats interesting to me, or send you a message of support if youre going through hard times. i remember when you posted that you were really sad and i notice that youre having a hard time when you post that youre sad again a month later. idk, its hard for me because im not always very emotional in a way that other people understand. i can come off as cold or quiet which in turn can come off as disinterested. but i just wanted to write it somewhere, to put out into the cosmos, that actually i care a lot about the little creatures on my dashboard and i hope that you notice even if my personality and behaviour is a bit different than what people are used to. people project mean things on me sometimes because im confident, for example, or because i stand up against things i think are harmful. because im not "loyal" if i tell a friend that theyre being rude, or im "rude" if im saying capitalism is bad. i can be projected as controlling (telling people "no" when theyre mean) or self-important (being confident in my skills and analysis) and other negative traits which is really unfair to do to someone just bc theyre different. to me i view everyone equally and i will tell off a friend if i have to, without meaning anything unkind by it. idk. ill stop rambling now bc its too much again (high Te will also do that) but i just have feelings and thoughts about that my beloved mutuals dont even know that theyre beloved and that my way of expressing myself is weird and its hard to live in society based around ppl who are very different than me in many ways. but learning mbti / jung functions was really great for me to feel understood and to understand others.

[envysparkler]

Hello, trick or treat! Thank you!

Still have no clue where this is going. Continued from part 4.

_______________

Dick pushed himself as hard as he could, his bike zooming down the highway at as high a speed as it would go. His mind was whirring over everything he'd need, everything he'd have to do if Jason's whispered words were true.

"I didn't mean to." "I killed someone." "I didn't mean to."

Dick believed him. On both counts.

He'd turned off his access to Oracle, determined to complete the trip under a blackout. He had no idea what--who he'd find. It hadn't been Hood that had called him, it was Jason, so he was a civilian. Even as a civilian, Jason could handle himself just fine, so for there to have been a threat great enough that Jason had ended up resorting to murder...

It was Halloween. It wasn't impossible.

Clown. Dick couldn't swear he'd heard it, but if it was true--if Jason was telling the truth--

Dick gritted his teeth. As much as he'd like to gun the throttle, the turn off to Gotham was coming up and he couldn't be of much help to his little brother as a smear on the side of the road. Impatience and worry battled as he was forced to lower speeds while driving through the city proper, heading straight for Jason's apartment.

He saw the flashing lights before he got there. A whole swarm of them, plus SWAT teams in riot gear. Crying children, several still dressed in costume.

Dick stashed his bike in a nearby alley and took to the rooftops. It looked like half a precinct was filtering in and out of the building, wearing looks of shock. He even caught sight of Commissioner Gordon, looking wearier than normal as he listened to a report.

Oh, Little Wing, Dick thought, heart aching, what happened?

There was no way to get inside the building without being seen, so Dick didn't bother. The first cop to spot him jumped and let out a little shriek and Dick immediately found himself the target of several weapons.

Dick slowly raised his arms. This was trigger happy, even for the GCPD. "I come in peace," Dick said lightly, fingers wrapped around a flashbang as he idly scanned the stairwell for cover.

The cops exhaled and lowered their weapons. "Good, you're here," one of them said, surprise turning swiftly to annoyance. "The Commish's been trying to get ahold of one of you for a good fifteen minutes."

That was strange. As far as Dick was aware, the Bats should still be on patrol. He was tempted to reopen his line to Oracle. "What happened?" he asked, antsy and disliking it.

The cop maneuvered him through the mess of people--most of whom seemed to be gawking rather than doing anything else, several whispering excitedly to their companions. Dick saw more looks of dark relief and celebration than the horror and grief he was expecting.

"Well," the cop led him straight to Jason's apartment door, swung open into a well-lit apartment that the cops were crawling through. Dick was so preoccupied staring at the apartment, heart stuck in his throat, that it took him a moment to spot the dead body.

It was faceup, most of its face obliterated by what looked like a gunshot to the head, but what looked like clown makeup underneath it. Purple suit. Green hair.

On any other day of the year, Dick would be 100% sure who the dead body was. On Halloween?

"We got the lab techs on rush job to ID the body, but we figured you guys would want a look at it too," the cop explained. There was crime scene tape set up but it kept being jostled as people came up for a look.

"And the apartment?" Dick asked, keeping his voice even from sheer force of will.

"Abandoned," the cop shrugged. "No gun, and no one there. They're trying to dig up the records to figure out who lives there."

Dick had to close his eyes.

Oh, Little Wing, what happened?

[mistressofduskanddawn]

Meridia On Earth: the Sunlight, the Black Hole

[IMG ID: A scene of beams of light breaking through the heavens of a dark forest, with a distinct outline of a tree to the left. A single branch is to the right of the tree, barely illuminated in the light yet distinctive from the trees in the background. The dark forest contrasts the light yellow beams with a abyssal blue tinted forest.]

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A LARGE PART OF TES POLYTHEISM TODAY IS HOW IT OPERATES IN THIS WORLD, and how the divine fits within. Azura is rather easy to understand here—a gatekeeper of heaven, who opens up the night and day, and a queen of the night sky. Boethiah can be witness within revolutions and will to end oppressive empires, Akatosh in time, Mara in marriage, etc. However, I have begun to think of Meridia and her relationship to Mangus: and with some discussion with my fellow dear TES polytheists, I have found Meridia in the sunlight—and the dark star. This will mostly be a structured rambling of my beginning thoughts upon Meridia upon Earth, which should really be taken with a grain of salt, so let us begin: 

SUNLIGHT, MERIDIA, AND THE GREED OF LIGHT 

One particular aspect of Meridia I can understand as a kin of draconic nature is greed—but we take it in different forms. Meridia is known for her greed of people and her hatred of free will: rather preferring to have her will as all-consuming. Rather inspired by the darker interpretation of light, I have come to see Meridia in the sunlight—and light seeks to touch all, photons bursting forth to output energy. This is by no means a revolutionary take, she is depicted as the sun in the Skyrim tarot deck, but the possible mechanisms of how are what I am fascinated with. 

Energy is the process of life, which for a goddess of light, is only natural. 

The Red Star. Harbinger of Dawn. Second Daughter of … She is the Light of … who bore witness to the Crucible of Creation. … Refraction within reason … Goddess Who Holds […] Free will is to be surrendered to passion … destiny is fulfilled for the vessel … Radiant in times of … blinding the Dragon and bending his form … Mirror of the Lie … revealing purity in chaos with fervor … that false-life might be abolished … with the fire of new light may the Mundus be reforged.

The aspect of reforging Mundus could perhaps refer to her hatred of the undead. Meridia often seeks to conform things to her will and loathes the undead, which are contrary to her nature as life. Her father Magnus designed Mundus, yet ended up abandoning his plans. Meridia as his daughter—well, I would not be surprised if she wished for the father’s plans to be complete, and the impurity she sees arising from his light not being honoured. 

Her nature of refracting light is further expanded upon by in-game commentary on the Exegenis of Merid-Nunda, similar to how the coloured rooms refract light: 

A curious passage indeed. The “Dragon,” of course, traditionally refers to the Divine we know as Akatosh, the God of Time. This seems to suggest that by traveling the “rainbow road” (a reference to the prismatic refraction of light?), Meridia can in some sense alter the rate at which time flows forward. Altering the “speed” of time? Is this merely an absurd conceit of the late Ayleid sorcerer-priests, or a genuine insight into the nature of one of the least-understood Daedric Princes? Who can say?

Time for us humans—beyond the bounds of capitalistic senses of time and clock—is relative to the light of the sun, the moon, and the cycles they are bound within. When I think of her blinding Akatosh and creating dragon-breaks, I think of the way light defines our melatonin production, our idea of day, and the lunar cycle of which people of old defined their months by. Her time bending abilities obviously extend beyond this, but Sunlight is certainly an aspect of time. And her being called a Mirror of the lie: this is once again speculation, but if Magnus’ plans were abandoned and as such Mungus is flawed, then some could view Mundus as in need of reforging.

While silly to realise despite it being so obvious, Meridia is the prism of light. Through her light is filtered, and that is why she can stretch across a rainbow road. The coloured rooms were made through light being refracted within herself—and with this knowledge of her prismatic nature, she is the origin of the rainbow. A constant movement of light—the Daedra are change, afterall. She may not have originally been a daedric prince, yet she fits in rather well through that lens. Refraction also seeks to make light its own separated hue, which is a fun more UPG way to view her greed. She is the sunlight and refraction of light and light seeks to illuminate and refract all. And light spreads as much as it can, just as she tries to go as far as she might.

The Exegesis of Merid-Nunda also speaks of her being unfearing of the dark;

“… thus we call upon Cenedelin to bind the earth, as we speak to Merid-Nunda regarding the light, for she is the scintilla that fears not darkness, and swims the waves of pull and spin ….”

Cenedelin in particular references the Ayleid king of Delodiil defeating the Molag Baal worshipping city of Abagarlas. Scintilla means “a tiny trace or spark of a specified quality or feeling,” making her the courage against the dark. Light has no fear of darkness, for it conquers and illuminates all. 

MERIDIA, THE BLACK HOLE 

Another theory to Meridia is that she is, within essence, a black hole. Black holes bend light and time as they consume, which aligns with Meridia’s nature of being able to warp time and her greed—black holes consume everything, which poetically, is likened to that of ideal mortal greed. She is a star who fell when consorting with illicit spirits as the lore says, which could be seen as the collapse of a star that creates the black hole. This interpretation is not one I am quite familiar with, but certainly one to intrigue. The source given to me goes into it far better than I could, so I shall link it here. 

THE DAY CYCLE 

Something I have noticed is that Azura, unlike many dawn goddesses of other religions, is her stronger connection to night compared to day. While ESO does depict her star in more the shape of the sun, Azura’s star is meant to be analogous Nirn’s Venus[1]—and our own, on Earth, the star of dawn and dusk. For myself, being a multi-tradition pagan, when I was coming to understand Azura in this world, I thought of Thesan and Eos. Both are far more associated with Hemera, Helios, and Usil—and not quite as strongly with Nyx, Selene, Cilens, and Tiur. 

While Azura is the one who releases Magnus into the sky, she is not nearly as associated with the day compared to night—and this is where I see Meridia shine. And in an obvious lore sense, she is called the Harbinger of Dawn.This puts her as a forerunner of the Dawn cycle, so when Azura opens the day, Meridia and Magnus’ light pours through. On a deeper aspect, Meridia reflecting the sun’s light through herself may be the way she is the daedra of life: by reflecting it, it shines upon the world, allowing for all manners of crops to grow. Her energy is infinite in this sense—as long as Magnus produces light, she can bend it into another will. The will for light to give energy to life, while Azura’s light rules magic and liminality. 

Perhaps that is her idea that free will should be replaced with passion. Such passion begets energy, and free will often ends passions and seeks to replace it with one’s own design. As a daughter of Magnus, who seeks to reforge this world—wouldn’t Meridia loathe a mortal’s ability to completely alter fate, no matter how much time and light she bends?

— Piraakyuonliv, Dovah, Gazing Upon Dawnbreaker

References

[1] Venus is often called a star in ancient world lore, associated with dawn and dusk. Deities such as Hesperos and Eosphoros. The lore page I am referencing is here.

EOS – Greek Goddess of the Dawn (Roman Aurora). (n.d.). https://www.theoi.com/Titan/Eos.html

Lore:Exegesis of Merid-Nunda – The Unofficial Elder Scrolls Pages (UESP). (n.d.). https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Lore:Exegesis_of_Merid-Nunda

Lore:Meridia – The Unofficial Elder Scrolls Pages (UESP). (n.d.). https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Lore:Meridia

[alphynix]

It Came From The Wastebasket #01: Is This An Insectivore?

Most of the wastebasket taxa featured this month are completely extinct and known only from fossils, but to start things off let's take a look at a major example of how even groups with living members could have their classification muddled up for centuries.

———

The name Insectivora first came into use in the early 1820s, and was used to refer to various "primitive-looking" small insect-eating mammals, with modern shrews, moles, hedgehogs, tenrecs, and golden moles as the original core members.

Then over the next few decades solenodons, treeshrews, sengis, and colugos all got lumped in with them too.

By the early 20th century insectivorans were considered to represent the "primitive" ancestral stock that all other placental mammals had ultimately descended from, and any vaguely similar fossil species also got dumped under the label. Extinct groups like leptictids, cimolestans, adapisoriculids, and apatemyids all went into the increasingly bloated Insectivora, too, making the situation even more of a wastebasket as time went on.

The problem was that the only characteristics that really united these various animals were very generic "early placental mammal" traits – small body size, five clawed digits on the hands and feet, relatively unspecialized teeth, and mostly-insectivorous diets – and attempts at making sense of their evolutionary relationships were increasingly convoluted.

(Image sources: http://hdl.handle.net/2246/358 & https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/pepe-silvia)

The rise of cladistic methods from the 1970s onwards resulted in a lot of "insectivores" finally being recognized as unrelated to each other, removing them from the group and paring things back down closer to the name's original definition. The idea that insectivorans were ancestral to all other placentals was abandoned, instead reclassifying them as being related to carnivorans, and the remaining members were recognized as just retaining a superficially "primitive" mammalian body plan.

Just shrews, moles, hedgehogs, solenodons, tenrecs, and golden moles were left, and to disassociate from the massive mess that had been Insectivora this version of the group was instead now called Lipotyphla.

But there were still no unique anatomical links between the remaining lipotyphlans. And then once genetic methods became available in the late 1990s, something unexpected happened.

Studies began to suggest that tenrecs and golden moles were actually part of a completely different lineage of placental mammals, the newly-recognized afrotheres, with their closest relatives being sengis and aardvarks. Meanwhile the rest of the lipotyphlans were laurasiatheres, closely related to bats, ungulates, and carnivorans.

Lipotyphla was suddenly split in half. For a while it was unclear if even the remaining shrew-mole-hedgehog-solenodon group was still valid – hedgehogs' relationships were especially unstable in some studies – but by the mid-2000s things began to settle down into their current state.

Finally, after almost 200 years of confusion, the insectivore wastebasket has (hopefully) now been cleaned up. The remaining "true lipotyphlans" do seem to all be part of a single lineage, united by their genetics rather than by anatomical features, and are now known as Eulipotyphla.

A few fossil groups like nyctitheriids and amphilemurids are generally also still included, but since this classification is based just on their anatomy it isn't entirely certain. The only exception to this are the nesophontids, which went extinct recently enough that we've actually recovered ancient DNA from them and confirmed they were eulipotyphlans closely related to solenodons.

———

Nix Illustration | Tumblr | Twitter | Patreon

Bonus species IDs under the cut:

[kingslayerstew]

wip that is so old id rather redraw it completely someday than work on it now

had plans to draw more side characters from sansa's vale arc but only got to oswell lothor and shadrich (the three retainers completely aware of alayne's true identity), this idea isnt completely abandoned yet but low on the priority list lol

[dark-twist-fairytales]

Goddammit, I couldn't stop myself-

Ides based on @hehelegos post, also tagging @butilovelegos because I wouldn't have found the idea/post otherwiiiise.

Warnings: Death, grief, self neglect, tooth-rotting fluff, 'babes' as a pet name

~~~

Everyone went through passing differently, and much like with Zane, this hit hard. Only.. Much worse. The Bounty was quiet, aside from the occasional footsteps and the broom sweeping the floor. The one thing that broke this monotone pattern was the knock on the door. Which, was deemed odd, as everyone was accounted for within the Bounty.. Hmm.

Cole was the one to stand from the couch, moving over to the door and opening it up. "Oh, hey there. Mail?" He asked, giving a smile. What should have been his first given of something wrong was the half smile he got.

The second given should have been the amount of letters received to him and him alone. Yeah, Kai got a fan letter and Jay and Nya got a letter from Jay's parents, but there were at least four letters to him. Going to the kitchen and dealing out the letters to everyone, he stood at the counter and.. They were numbered.. There's the third given that made Cole's worry spike, his smile falling as he opened the first one.

His smile continued to fall as he frantically grabbed the second, then the third.. His heart sank down to his stomach when he reached the fourth, opening it up and reading the letter... 'Next of kin, Cole Brookstone, to Lou Brookstone-'

When did he collapse to the floor? He wasn't able to read the letter, but now only felt warmth hugging him. Flashs in his memory hit like a truck, before a powerful and painful scream left him. Through the amount of times in battle, he'd never scream in pain, much more than a yelp or yap, but this? Whoever else was around the bounty scurried to the kitchen, abandoning whatever they were doing before to witness the sight of Cole profusely sobbing, one hand clutching the letter and the other covering his face, while leaning into Kai's shoulder.

He couldn't recall how much time passed before he calmed down, but was only able to for a moment to answer the question on everyone's mind: "Dad's gone.." His sobbing went away, pulling away from Kai as he looked to the letter in his hand, glaring it down with such a hate filled gaze to it. He soon stood back up, his face exhausted and blank despite his early sobbing, voice a bit rough, before he gathered the remaining letters and tossed away the trash.

"It's fine. It's fine, ya know? One harmless surgery that should have further helped him out ended up killing him. It's fine, just solidifies why I'm not a fan of doctors anyways." Cole said, more to himself rather than the others, before he pushed away from the group with ease and made his way to their shared room.

Although Kai wanted to chase after him, Lloyd settled his hand on the other's shoulder, Zane also joining. The look both of them had, while also filled with worried, read to give Cole time alone. He'll come around when he needs it.

...

It had been three days.

Three whole days without so much of a peep out of Cole.

The others knew he was alive, given by the frequent sobs they heard and the muttering, but other than that, nothing. Zane would settle food in the room for him and come back with the plate untouched. For three days. Nya would give him water, which was the only thing he really drank, but even then, barely touching it. Lloyd even gave him sweets, for Cole's much bigger sweet tooth, and he didn't touch it.

The final straw for Kai to stop listening to the others was Jay's attempts to try and talk with Cole, his best friend, only to be completely ignored.

Jay "Motormouth" Walker, the one to easily annoy Cole, got ignored with nothing but a simple glance up.

It was that night that Kai ventured into the distant room that Cole had taken for the time being, giving a gentle knock to the frame. He was met with a groan of 'go away, Jay'. "It's not Jay." Kai replied back, getting a huff through the door, barely audible. "Dude, I know this is a lot, but everyone's worried for you.. Can I come in?"

A long time with no response, before Cole gave a defeated sigh, along with a 'fine'. Kai then entered in and took a look around the room. It didn't look all too changed, other than a new hole or two in the wall, the amount of blankets and pillows on the floor that Cole seeked refuge on rather than the bed, and the photo album on Cole's bed of his father and his precious group, as well as plenty of Cole, and his mother. He gave a small frown, closing the door and keeping with the small moonlight that came in from the bathroom.

Kai didn't try to say anything, sitting down beside the lump of pillows and finding Cole's hair, gently running his hands through and slowly detangling the mess of it. When he heard sobbing and sniffling pick back up, he glanced down to Cole, seeing the mess that he was, clutching a picture close to his chest. "I.. I miss them.."

"I miss them so much.. I know dad was hurting after mom passed, and I-I know he was trying.. But fuck.. I.. I can't.." Cole's sobbing picked back up, with Kai growing worried at Cole's wording. "Cole, you're not-"

"No, no.. Fuck no.. I'm strong, I'll do the same thing as dad and barrel through it and.." Cole sniffled a couple of times, curling up more on himself as another wave of tears crashed down over him.

"I know, babes.. Grief isn't merciful, nor is her husband death.. But, I want to strike a deal with you.. And I don't care how long this takes.. We're all here for you, not just as a team, as your family.. We all care about you, what you're feeling.. I understand that this is overwhelming, but.. Do you want help?"

Cole's body seem to pause at that, as the phrasing of the question struck into his head. He wasn't asking if he needed help, he was asking if he wanted.. That started tears back up again, sniffling and sitting up from the mound of blankets to prove just how sticky everything felt when pressed against colder air. He looked to Kai, not trusting his voice as he nodded. Words to him were to much to try.

"Okay.. Do you want to try to eat or shower first?" Kai asked, but held out his fists out as the options so Cole didn't have to use his voice. Settling the picture down on the bed, as well as letting out a stray cough at air entering his throat wrong, he tapped Kai's right hand. "Shower first?" Cole nodded in confirmation, as Kai nodded and gently helped the other up. Treating Cole like he was delicate seemed to be the way to go, rather than with him of being rough and to-the-point.

As soon as they made it to the bathroom, Kai glanced at Cole. "Alright, if a bath seems easier, take one. If you feel faint, sit down, okay? No one will get mad or be disappointed." He said, with Cole nodding and moving over to the bathtub, giving Kai another nod as he would be okay, before the fire elemental closed the door.

Swiftly, he moved, going to the blankets and pillows and taking the covers off of the latter. He shook them out to make sure no photos were stuck, before taking them to the wash and pushing them in and starting them up. Now, onto the clothes.

He moved to the shared room of the other ninja, swiftly going through the closet and drawers to find articles of clothing that he knew Cole found comfort in. A pair of joggers from Zane, Jay's beloved scarf from high school, Kai's hoodie that was about three sizes too big on him, and the last thing from here being one of Lloyd's bracelets, specifically a bigger, bangle bracelet that was orange. Now all he needed was-

"Kai..?" Jay's voice broke through, and glancing over, he saw the other rubbing his eyes sleepily while yawning. "What're you doin'..? It's 1 am.." The master of lightning spoke, with Kai giving a small 'shh'. "Go back to sleep, Jay. Just doing older brother things." That got Jay to nod, settling back down on the bed and soon falling into light snores.

Kai let out a sigh of relief as he moved out and into Nya's room, nabbing another orange bracelet, made of beads this time. He moved out just as fast as he was in, before going to Cole's room for a shirt and underwear, as well as grabbing a fluffy towel for the other, before making it back to the bathroom. Not hearing the water running, Kai tapped on the door. "Cole, babes? I got you some clothes and a towel." The door popped open a smidgen, before Cole's hand came through to grab the towel, which Kai handed over as the door shut again.

Waiting for a moment, Cole opened the door again for the clothing this time, and Kai handed over Zane's joggers along with the shirt and underwear. The door shut again, giving Kai time to look at the remaining items and give a quiet sigh in hopes that it would help Cole just a little bit.

This time, when the door opened, it opened up fully, a nervous Cole on the other side for how much of a mess his hair was. Kai offered a small smile, along with the remaining articles of clothing. "I can help you, if you want?" He offered verbally, with Cole nodding and grabbing the remaining articles of clothing.

"Alright, go to the kitchen, I'll meet you there soon, alright, babes?" Another nod from Cole, Kai stepped out of the way to let Cole by, the earth elemental already holding his head up a bit higher from the fresh wash. Kai smiled and moved into the bathroom, before grabbing out a few things: a brush, comb, detangler, and hair ties.

He then left into the kitchen, seeing Cole had already put the jacket and scarf on, fidgeting with the bracelets and tracing out the little patterns and beads. He settled the things down on the table beside Cole and sat down, gaining Cole's attention. "Do you want something simple or leftovers?" Once again, Kai held up his hands as an indication. A confused look from Cole got Kai to continue: "Zane made stroganoff last night, only steak instead of the normal hamburger meat."

At that, Cole tapped Kai's left hand. "Simple, alright." He said, standing up and checking the pantry for what they had. Cole's snack items tended to be simple, like room temperature puddings cups and gummies. He looked around for either of those, before spotting Jay's pudding cups and deciding that now was more of an exception than ever. He walked over and snapped one from the package, butterscotch, before he moved over to Cole and held up the cup. Seeing Cole's eyes light up was more of an answer than ever, grabbing a plastic spoon and handing it over to Cole, before moving behind the other and grabbing the brush and detangler.

He took his time to work through the rats nest that was in Cole's hair, making sure not to hurt the other while doing it. Soft humming left the fire elemental without realizing, which made Cole tear up a little bit.

Cole wasn't alone anymore, he hadn't been in years. He ate at the pudding, albeit slowly, but fully embraced everything around him: The soft humming from Kai, the subtle hint of berries from Jay's scarf, mixing with Kai's smokey, sort of vanilla scent from his jacket, the two bracelets that felt light and comfortably heavy at once on each wrist..

Before he knew it, he was sniffling and wiping his eyes of tears, glad that Kai was electing to ignore it in favor of his hair this time around. He still had family here, and his other family watched on still. They were proud, his dad would be happy with his mom..

The next few days were still a bit slow and sulky, but Cole was coming out of his room bit by bit, joining in at dinners to eat, joining in watching Jay and Lloyd game out, helping Zane a lot more with cleaning around the house.. Everything would be alright, he'll be okay, even if he didn't feel like it. Like Kai had said: Grief isn't fair, nor is her husband death.

But, death would have to drag him down, kicking and screaming at the top of his lungs before he succumbed to it. After all, Cole still had a family to look after, and he wasn't planning on putting them through that Hell.

On purpose, anyways.

[faunsoda]

sbi ib au w wilbur as mary is a concept i cannot stop thinking abt, like i haven’t touched ib in years and i was more into smaller dynamics in sbi than sbi as a whole, but it makes me so insane. you’re a genius and i adore that au concept. techno as gary is also so much fun, i rlly liked the whole thing. also the art was SO nice, your style is very neat. if you have any more thoughts abt the au as a whole i’d love to hear them, but if not, just know i love the concept so much

WOOO i hear u, my favorite dynamics within sbi are crimeboys and bedrock bros (it really shows in this au) because i am a huge sucker for sibling dynamics. the remake for ib came out for switch recently so the childhood hyperfixation reawakened like a beast

i have so many thoughts in my brain let me drop these bad boys. infodump time.

my idea of a first meeting between techno and tommy! rather than having his rose stolen like garrys, its tommy stumbling in on techno getting cornered by one of the lady paintings. techno probably wouldve gotten out just fine eventually, maybe lost a few petals but tommy distracts the painting so he can escape unharmed! then theyre like 🤝 team up time

please ignore the shitty ooc dialogue everywhere ive just been getting ideas jotted down in my free time hehe. i imagine the dynamic between techno and wilbur in this au being pretty tense! techno is IMMEDIATELY suspicious/wary of wilbur & wilbur wants to leave with tommy, taking technos place. techno doesnt wanna be too protective of tommy because a) this is some kid he just met what does he care b) he doesnt really have any reason to be suspicious about wilbur because hes done literally nothing wrong so far hes just off so techno doesnt trust him

also philza as guertena means he doesnt show up like at all BUT i really liked the theory from a few years ago that part of marys dislike for garry stemmed from garry resembling guertena and her feeling like she’d been abandoned since i cant really imagine she can grasp the complete concept and weight of death. so i did have techno resemble philza a bit here (eg. emerald and stubble that i keep forgetting to draw-) which will probably be unmentioned in stuff i draw for this au because again philza wont show up much. so yeah ooh possible idea that wilbur might resent techno for that a little bit or just be like kind of annoyed by it. idk man im just sitting here.

i also did the three main endings! promise of reunion and together forever were kinda quick because i did not have time to properly draw and color them :,] but i found a neat brush and wanted to draw the forgotten portrait painting because ow. in my original drawings of this au tommy didnt have a green bandana but i decided to give him one as a stand in for the hankerchief ib carries! after all this ill probably do some redraws of moments from the game or try to reimagine the toy box since wilbur is notably not a child like mary is!

yeah hey that was probably like way more information about this au than anyone couldve wanted but B] if you have any thoughts about this au that differ from mine or if you just have thoughts in general id love to hear em! my brain is rotting. thanks for coming to my ted talk (and thank you for the ask, i am new to tumblr so this is my first ask yippee!!)

[zip-toonz]

if u have ANYTHING to say abt trevor (either your interpretation, anyone else's, or just plain old canon trevs) id LOVE to hear abt it...i care abt him soooo much trevor fans make some noise ‼️

I HAVE MANY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT TREVOR WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN!! First and Foremost I have to say I love your interpretations of the characters! I love reading your head canons and Ideas and I'm honored my stuff inspired you like your work inspires me! (Obsessed with Schrödinger's Trevor). I should draw our Trevors hanging out sometime I think that would be a fun art piece! Also the fanart you made for the PLA au still makes me go crazy /pos

ALRIGHT *cracks my knuckles so hard my bones turn to dust* Trevor time! Read more cause I never shut up about Trevor

Trevor is by far my favorite Pokémon character of all time. I use to spend hours scrounging up any fanart I could find back in like 2013-15. I'm pretty sure he did things to my gender identity. Trevor of Trans your Gender.

He reminds me a lot of one of my other big time blorbos Mary Ann

Something about kids with this hairstyle I guess haha. I think they'd get along though they have similar personalities.

My Interpretation of Trevor!!

My interpretation of Trevor is a weird amalgamation of the game, manga, and anime. And sometimes I have multiple interpretations of him depending. But the one that I have a design for is a solid mix of all. He likes photography and wants to complete the pokedex. Gets really excited seeing Pokémon even if its a Pokémon he's already seen before and yet is very shy when meeting new people. He's only really comfortable with his friends, his sister, and Sycamore (who is effectively his father figure). Very smart but kind of clumsy, he tends to get a little beat up because he focuses in on things and forgets his surroundings. He's not big on battling but he loves studying Pokémon and want's to be a professor when he's older just like Sycamore. He takes photos of pokemon and keeps them in a little scrapbook with help from Shauna. Also he thrifts all his clothes and can never find anything that fits him just right.

Canon Trevor HCs

I tend to have sadder head canons for him due to the lack of parents. I don't think he likes Celebrating his birthday because his parents are never there to celebrate it with him. He has a hard time making friends and is always silently worried his friends will leave him one day. He's scared of getting hurt and so he tends to shut himself off from others involuntarily because he's scared of being abandoned again, and most of the time he only meets new people through the others in his friend group. Sycamore is one of the few adults he trusts.

Because of the manga I like to think he has this sixth sense of snuffing out harmful or dangerous people based on their aura. Lysander makes this kid faint his vibes are so bad. But that's really just for fun rather than anything serious or concrete.

I think he's got a wet paper bag for a stomach and gets queasy very easily. Its possible his anxiety has something to contribute to his health. and he should probably be on some kind of medication to manage it.

I love love love how hes handled in the manga. He's not the coward he thinks he is. He's scared but he's willing to fight for what he believes in. He's willing to stand up for his friends even when he struggles to stand up for himself and its so nice watching him grow.

AUS!!

I have a few aus major with Trevor PLA and REVIVAL are my two major ones but there's also Paldea (a spin off following PLA) and Wondar (My fan region that features him minorly)

Despite both major ones having godly deer screwing him over in one way or another I characterized him differently

In PLA is emotionally dead. He's got no fucks left to give and handles Pokémon with his bare hands. He's exhausted and numb. I don't think I've talk a lot about him and his relationships in PLA but he practically adopted by Laventon, and ends up making good friends with Akari and Rei. When he does return home he finds himself missing them a lot. Also he never wants to see another shinx in his life hes got scars for days from shinx alone. Also theres a Yanmask with a mask of him implying he died before returning home. (Paradoxical nonsense but its meant to represent the part of him that lived in paldea and not the part of him that died if that makes any sense? its like the physical manifestation of the impact he had on the past).

In the Revival au (sometimes lovingly called Revival Rival cause its fun to say) he's physically dead. He's practically a walking corpse with a conscious. His heart barely beats, his skin is cold. A medical anomaly. Xerneas splinters a piece of its power off (so to speak) to bring him back because humans are far more complicated than foliage. Because of this he can understand Pokémon, Flowers grow in his wake, and can revive fainted Pokémon. It seems neat but to him it just further alienates him from his peers and is a responsibility he doesn't want to have to handle. Its overwhelming. He can't stray too far from Xerneas who's is practically his life support. I've jokingly compared it to a soul gem from Madoka where if he strays to far he slows down and then eventually loses consciousness/dies again. Theres a grace radius but he can't really explore places like Lumiose anymore because Xerneas can't/won't follow. Meaning he can't go home. He lingers around smaller towns and forest. When emotinally distressed he loses his ability to control these new powers.

anyway!! enough of me rambling!! if you wanna talk about him more or have follow up questions just ask!! My dms are also open!! I can keep talking about this silly lil guy for ever!

[cometmystic]

FAVORITE AND LEAST FAVORITE STARTERS

IM GOING TO ASSUME MAIN SERIES ENTIRE EVOLUTIONARY STARTER LINES AS OPPOSED TO INDIVIDUAL SPECIES

-3 : Hisui Oshawott

(dont look at the typing in the image)im giving myself a handicap for the least favourite list which is making it wayyyyyy harder (more on that later) so were starting weird spicy,,

the arceus folk were always going to struggle because mixing and matching starters is a dangerous game to play,, theres the very distinct feeling that these creatures dont go together, because they Dont; they have different philosophies informing their designs and you cant avoid that. taken away from their original context, decidueye and oshawott are a little too similar geometry wise in a way starter choices within a gen oft never are.

but hey, ones a samurai, ones an archer, and the other can do the ghostie flames; they fit a little too well thematically for the region not to be picked. what can you do ? ...aside from shrine maiden fennekin line. or a momotarou bulbasaur line. ...thats not what im talking about

what knocks oshawott specifically here is the new final evos. cyndaquil and rowlett march steadily enough towards their final forms; rowletts colours already darken in its middle stage, so the autumn colouring is not a huge shift, and cyndaquil is still becoming upright with flames that envelop it more and more (which hisuian does actually better than vanilla here). oshawotts line is now even less cohesive. it doesnt address a problem with the original that its armour plating is just kind of,, there, haphazardly placed and making it look More naked, but now the drastic colour palette, with less contrast for ease of readability than the original, just make the oshawott line feel that much more unrelated to itself.

i think what kills thiese guys the most is that they stopped at a new final evo. a new second form or, hell, make them variants from the start and call them something else; then i think itd be way more fun

+3 : Snivy

complete transparency here; this one is mostly personal bias. see the most fun time ive ever had with pokémon, which im becoming increasingly confident is gonna stay that way, was spearheaded by this guy. blowing a kiss at the clouds for drayano

but its not like these designs dont have anything going for them on their own !! the way this frilly, pompous jacket collar design it has grasually grows into a snakey cocoon that engulfs all of its limbs is first of all pretty bold of an idea and second of all really really fun !!

the consistent yellow highlights and eyeshadow elements the designs have do a really good job of communicating what a smug regal air this thing puts on, despite some of that not being quite as present as id like. i mean like the smugleaf jokes certainly didnt come outof nowhere yea ?

thanks for the good times, eden. sorry i never took you and the girls to post game

-2 : Fuecoco

FUECOCO IS GOOD!! i need to get this out of the way because judging these as lines rather than individually means that sometimes good designs end up getting the short end of the stick. which super is whats going on here

the first thing that strikes me is that it feels like they design a perfectly fine and fun fire croco butremembered it was a spaniard animal, and decided to toss spanish things at it midway through. the use of different words there was deliberate

the second is that... wow where the hell is skeledirge coming from. like the progression from fuecoco to crocalor is perfectly reasonable, and it does its job as a jump to an awkward offputting midstage (compliment), but then,,, the entire head just suddenly crashes straight to a wall unceremoniously, with this unappealing strident geometry to it all, with a thermometer on its face and pencil sharpener on its torso that has Nothing to do with anything the previous evolutions were communicating. the cool things they had going for it were in fact completely abandoned; the silly lil chompy jaws and teeth turn into ugly skin formations, the overt roundness of the creature just becomes a regular crocos with a decreased polycount, and the cool fire headdressings just become this ugly, lampshaded absence. ...doesnt do anything good for me

+2 : Bulbasaur

i think this ones just the platonic ideal for pokémon evolution. it does EXACTLY what it should do without missing a beat. to the point where im struggling to even talk about it

it starts cute and simple but interesting, cute huge bulb in its back, nice green patterns dotting its body, non standard friendly frog face,, and it grows into this huge, flowering beast with warts with a menacing, yet still cute (in a delightfully off way) face. half lidded eyes, sharp fangs in a wide mouth... and in pokémon stadium it does this

it just.... i donno !!! its so creature !!!! it communicates itself well, offers something different but still cohesive from its contemporaries, and its like !!! really unique for their first go at a grass starter !!! like,, a poisonous plant dinosaur ? on their first go ?? yes girl !!!!!

the one thing that leaves me wanting about the line is the slight change in body colour; it feels too slight to communicate much to me and it ends up being a bit distracting ? but as you can see, its such a minor thing, and im just saying it to make it seem like i have more to say than i actually do

-1 : Galar

yeah see theres the handicap i was talking about.

ugh theres just... so much going on here and i really dont want to elaborate much. first of all all the base forms feel so naked. scorbunny is the only one i feel is communicating something worth much with the sports tape designs, but thats so little to begin with,,

then the rest of the evo lines come in and. why does the sobble line go from naked sad lizard to naked spy lizard. why does socrbunny get a stupid ugly jacket and then lose it. why is grookey line so boring.

theres not a single hit here. 9 chances to make me feel anything other than uninspired and despondent and bored, and they missed Every single one. i hate them.

+1 : Popplio

what id bet is a very surprising pick for anyone who Knows me because i dont think id ever ever ever pick popplio as my starter in lieu of incineroar. but thats incineroar. this is popplio, brionne, and primarina

so this is every principle from bulbasaur lines design executed with utmost elegance and at a higher scale. first of all, its an interesting idea executed in a novel and fun way. its a little seal !!! it goes bwark !!! it has very sillybab paws that dont let it walk right !!! and it evolves very naturally into a graceful otherworldly singer and performer, keeping your attention in how the colour palette enrichens and grows as it evolves, and reiterating every interesting design element it has with each iteration !!! little clown collar into a gorgeous frilly design, silly little ears into magical ethereal hair, stumpy tail into a majestic mermaids tail !!! ws all around !!!!

another strength it has is,, i think brionne is one of few starter midstages i like in its own merits ? often any attachment i have to midstages work more as,, appreciation of a blueprint. like... "wow i see where this is going to go and i cant wait to get there". i mean, by design, theyre supposed to be awkward, a little "incomplete". but brionne, like,,, baillerina !!! the ears are pigtails now !!! look at that earnest but lil weird smile its got !!!! dawww its my friend !!!!

the finally, it has a lot of strengths on a macro level worth pointing out. and these are compliments i extend to gens 6 and 7 as a whole.

firstly, each starter right off the bat offers something very different. different silhouettes, different vibes, completely different target demographics as soon as you get to look at them in the starter selection.

and secondly, theming. i really like how in gen 6 you have the rpg class and in gen 7 you have the circus performer thing going on; it all feels natural and fun, and ties with the previous point to really inform and shape your preference when you pick one of these creatures, while still having them fit together with each other. its what i wish pokémon had more of

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

trigger warning: i speculate on if a cat i rescued has suffered from two different tools of possible animal abuse within this post (water squirting primarily, with a bit about plastic-bags at the end). there is no graphic depiction of any event

my heart broke today, finding out someone in my cat's past probably squirted water at her 🥺

i started using a squirt-bottle to add water to the wet-food for my cat, Allegra (named after the allegery meds bc i didnt know it was a real name related to music, thank you), since it's summer and we live in southern California + most of cats' water-needs are met through their meat/wet-food, hence why many (but not all) cats who eat wet-food don't often use their water-fountains (apparently. and also my cat is one of them). i just wanted to make sure my cat isn't getting dehydrated since it's so hot and she's fully stopped taking a liking to fountains since being switched to wet-food. she's a Siamese Cat and her coloration makes it obvious that still has her winter coat on. my concern makes complete sense, like, yeah, sure, add some water to her meat, why not, can't hurt and it's a good idea

and, so far, i have ended up doing this when Allegra was nowhere around. and i just never noticed that before. so im like "just gonna use this squirt-bottle without any problems, much less any bad reactions from Allegra" in my ignorance as i fail to process the fact that my cat hasn't even realized i have been using one on her food. she's been elsewhere. every time. having no idea, probably sleeping soundly. and id just go find her and show her that her food is ready for her and now it has had extra water mixed in, and confirm she's eating it; all as i continue to not process that she missed the squirt-bottle entirely

and for additional context, my cat was a stray. i dont know for how long. but with how friendly she has always been and how scared she was of certain outdoor stimuli, i assume when i first found her that she'd been newly abandoned house-cat of a largely indoor variety rather than one of our neighborhood's regular cats (both outdoor/semi-outdoor and feral) that patrol the block or so around us, much less a socialized feral-cat. but she was approximately 2 years old when she started stalking me to demand i adopt her. so there are a number of years where i have no idea what what she was up to or experienced

and, as part of her being my first cat ever, i watched a lot of videos to research how to take care of Allegra (including "how do you pet a cat" lol i didnt want to get anything wrong!!), mostly by Jackson Galaxy. and i agree with his plea to not use squirt-bottles on cats as it just makes the cat fearful of their owner holding said squirt-bottle, rather than be scared of the bottle itself or learn from the "bad cat" action they did or whatever. i had been taught similar by past trainers with my family's dogs as such could instigate said dog to bite/attack someone to get the squirting human to stop using the bottle against them, so i was in immediate agreement that the same logic would apply to cats

so when Allegra followed me today to see if i would refill her bowl and heard me spritz a couple times into her bowl-- she RAN off and hid. and my cat p much always comes out when she's realized she is being called, she does not like me not knowing where she is nor does she like it when i completely walk past her in search for her. she always at least cries in a "Marco!"/"Polo!" fashion for me to be led to her hiding spot -- that is, if she's not already doing what more usually happens: where she is just straight up meowing "I'm here! I'm over here!" while she hurriedly trots after me to correct my having completely missed her in her said hiding spot, utterly abandoning her previous stealth. the only times she hasn't done EITHER of those things was when she first getting to know me (makes complete sense; completely grew out of that long-since by now) and when she'd hear the fire-alarm (we are working on getting her to NOT silently hide under the bed where i can't reach her when she does that). but my point is: it rarely happens these days. and, after hearing the spray-bottle, even though it wasn't pointed at her: she ran away and hid silently where i couldn't find her for like 15 minutes as i walked through every room of the house, calling her name, only to be greeted with absolute quiet 🥺🥺🥺 that's not like her at all, the poor baby

so now i know Allegra has a history with spray-bottles... in addition to my pre-existing knowledge that she is scared of a couple of other concerning things that i am HOPING are just her having not been socialized with them as a sound rather than that she was abused with them (the most worrying one of those being her fear of plastic-bags/trashbags. she bolts whenever she hears me change the trashcans' bags. but she stopped hiding as part of learning to trust me. now, she'll run into the other room at most but she won't hide in there; usually she just flinches and watches with Big Eyes to make sure i dont approach her with the bag, and then relaxes as she sees i'm just changing the trashcans, and goes back to her bathing or napping or whatever. again, it could just be a lack of being socialized leading to her fearing them and the noise they make. but it also could be abuse. ill likely never know for sure. but im happier hoping its a lack of socialization, even though i have no evidence to support that over the other option)

(plus! you add in the fact that she was clearly dumped by my house at some point in her lifespan since she has a micro-chip that, and i quote, had its information "deleted"— not "never finished putting in their info" or "accidentally erased due to some micro-chip subscription's lack of payment". but both the Animal Rescue person who scanned her chip as well as the person on the phone i called to put MY information into her said chip, aka: two very unrelated people, said her previous owners "deleted" their information. that doesn't sound great of her past owners' character. who the hell dumps a cat rather than surrender them to a shelter?)

and sure, maybe she reacted like that similarly because of a lack of socialization with a squirt-bottle. one that barely made any noise. and wasn't even pointed at her. and didnt get her wet in any way. but also? this dramatic of a reaction to a squirt-bottle?? and considering how stereotypical it is to squirt water at a misbehaving cat?

i'm a shitty fighter, but more and more as Allegra gives me sneak-peeks into her past before we met: id pay someone off of Craigslist to give her past owners' two black fucking eyes, i'll tell you what

[warfeind]

״ the ego is required to serve [ ... ] severe masters... ״ the devil possession of asa mitaka as an expression of the struggle within the feminine subconscious : a literary analysis of the war devil as a character foil using the structural model of ego psychology. fuck sigmund fraud tho fr. all my homies hate freud

*     these terms are widely considered outdated within the field of psychology.

━━ yoru is a hidden mirror image of asa's personality — an alter ego of the repressed sub – conscious, the id in freudian terms  ״ the dark, inaccessible part of our personality ״ who embodies the unacceptable ideas and emotions  of an emotionally repressed teenage girl within a social environment that is both hostile and emotionally unbearable.

━━ as a living fiend – hybrid of the war devil, yoru and asa have a constant inner dialogue. intrusive thoughts and violent tendencies are literally externalized into a separate entity while asa serves as the ego : ״ to conceal the id's conflicts with reality, to profess [ ...  ] to be taking notice of reality even when the id has remained rigid and unyielding [ ... ] to reduce the tension and anxiety by disguising or transforming the impulses that are perceived as threatening. ״

━━ yoru and asa are literary parallels. not only do the characters of their names read as night and morning respectively, but they are opposite responses to the same struggle for women to assert their roles and desires in society. yoru is able to act with complete abandon outside the confines of cultural stigma and japanese feminine stereotypes as a separate entity from asa, but not without the associated social ramifications. ״ the ego is that part of the id which has been modified by the direct influence of the external world. ״

━━ after yoru brazenly asks out and is rejected by yoshida, asa struggles immensely with feelings of humiliation. yoru serves not only as an obstacle to asa's desire to form relationships with others, but can also be made to share in the burden of asa's social rejection : ״ [ the ego ] is concerned with self – preservation. the ego employs  defense mechanisms [ ... ] denial,  displacement [ ... ] dissociation, splitting. ״

━━ the power of the war devil is based in her ability to quite literally weaponize emotional ties between asa and those around her in her favor. abject sadism is not unusual for female antagonists but yoru's subjugation is tied to dominance and dehumanization rather than emotional antagonism, while maintaining the concept of ״ boundless egoism ״ as described in the article dostoevsky and parricide. neither asa nor the war devil can weaponize that which does not belong to them, inanimate object or living being, which can be seen as an expression of the anxiety experienced as a result of forming unequal attachments and rejection of the feminine subservient role within relationships : ״ there is a conflict between surrendering and loving others. ״

━━ in regards to the superego, it can be said that asa has a simultaneously overdominant but underdeveloped superego. she is burdened by guilt but not by morality itself — she has no concept of right and wrong beyond a reactionary understanding for desirable vs. undesirable outcomes. she is constantly punished by her own mind : ״ the super – ego [ ... ] is constantly watching every one of the ego's moves and punishes it [ ... ] the super – ego becomes perceptible in the state which it produces within the ego : for instance when its criticism evokes a sense of guilt. ״

[raincamp]

me and my fp have each other on life360, mostly for safety reasons, seeing as we live together and are college aged, live downtown in a semi-dangerous city. i feel like it triggers me a lot more than it would if i just, idk, didn't know where tf she was all the time.

its not like i full on stalk her on there but i feel like i check it more than normal people do, as a self soothing type thing. like ill have a thought "im so lonely i miss [fp] sm i wonder if shes on her way home yet", check her location, see shes still at work, wait like five minutes, check again, and again, until she does come home. i feel like thats kinda-weird-but-mostly-harmless.

but it can also look like this; "hm i havent seen [fp] in a couple hours. i wonder where she is. i could text her but i dont want to be a burden on her. what if she's with her boyfriend? i miss her so much. *checks location, sees shes at her bf's apartment*, WOW ok i see how it is, she doesn't care about me at all, im not important to her, she'd rather spend all of her waking hours with him instead of at home with me. fuck her and fuck her boyfriend" like i can recognize this is completely toxic and comes off as kind of controlling (except for the fact that she has no idea and i dont tell her) but like, I can't stop myself when i start having paranoid thoughts i need to confirm them, and when they get confirmed i spiral so fucking hard.

im thinking about deleting it but then she'd notice and id have to explain this to her 💀 and also it helps when i am having paranoid thoughts like that and it turns out shes just in class or something and i have that solid evidence to stop myself from having an episode. at this point I've checked it so much i know her whole schedule. and i freak out if she deviates from it. not like, to her face, im not really one to confront people about my issues when im emotional, but it causes me to feel like the world is ending. i feel like a fucking horrible disgusting creep for this, my abandonment-avoiding ass needs to calm the fuck down

idk. just rambling. bpd shit.

[monday4econlive]

Our Dilemmas in Preferences and Income

There are three of us: Catherine, Ivy, and Sophie. We were thinking about living together next year and decided we should share a streaming account to save money. We have been trying to decide on our entertainment subscription among the three of us.

Catherine has a set of preferences…

 Netflix > Hulu > Disney +

Meanwhile Ivy’s is…

Netflix> Disney + > Hulu

While Sophie's is...

Disney + > Netflix > Hulu

All of our preferences were rational because they were complete and transitive. This meant we had one thing preferred over two over options and the ranking was consistent and sensible. 

Oddly enough, only two of us had the same first choice. 

If we all had different first and last choices we would have gotten into an argument because no matter which one we decided on, it was the least favorite of someone else and we couldn't come to an agreement. Catherine may have threatened to abandon our shared account idea. That would have sucked. We would have had to let one person decide for all of us, playing rock paper scissors. This situation would have proved the Arrow Impossibility Theorem. That’s because it showed we could make no unanimous decision that was non dictatorial because one had to eventually make a choice for all of us. We couldn’t be non dictatorial because no matter what was chosen it would have upset at least one person since no one had a shared favorite or second option. 

But luckily two of us naturally had the advantage and we just went with that first choice, letting the majority rule. Because Catherine and Ivy’s favorite was Netflix we decided that’s what we’d all subscribe to. Of course it made Sophie really upset because it was her least favorite. 

Since talking about moving in together, we have been looking forward to having shared movie nights for fun. But the Netflix subscription is a complementary product because we need something to watch it on. Therefore we all had to make a decision about the type of device we’d watch it on. We had two options, either get a television or a projector. 

A television is a lot more expensive than a projector but the quality is a lot nicer compared to a projector, leaving us with opportunity costs: would we rather save the extra money and buy a projector, or is it more worth it to invest in a television to watch with higher quality? We unanimously came to a conclusion that we’d rather spend more money and have a good quality streaming device rather than a cheaper but poor quality projector that also requires connecting another device (laptop, phone, tablet, etc) to it. 

Our budget from our incomes for the month that are devoted to entertainment are

Catherine - $50

Ivy - $60

Sophie - $50

All together we have $160 to spend on our streaming platform and the complementary good this month.

But a television costs $500 which is out of our budget. So we’d have to either decide to save up for it or get the subscription and the $100 projector now. To save up would take four months and we have four months until we start living together to save up for a television. That's why we decided to save up and buy the television and subscription later. 

Ivy Bui, ID# 15215561

Sophie Kemp, ID# 42249792