#id imagine that something like this would be likely around !era | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pettyprocrastination · 2 years ago

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hiiiiii tj <3

i see you're back in your konig era and was wondering if you have any new hcs for our big teddy bear <3

HIIII ERIIIII :D

warnings: description of bullying, violence, social anxiety, insecurities, smut

SFW

So for me personally he’s very. Socially inept. Not in a ‘cute soft anxiety boy’ way but in the way that he will come off either deeply unsettling by staring at you in silence or like a total fucking asshole. Spent his entire childhood severely bullied and ostracized so any sort of slight against him, he will take personally and gets easily frustrated with himself for not handling situations/social intricacies smoothly

Probably has plenty of stretch marks from having such a big growth spurt growing up.

Something about being severely bullied and then realizing his own size and strength means he could give his harassers some ferociousness back as a teen def…led to something.

I HC that he has some pretty severe scarring on his face from being ganged up on as a kid, which only furthered him being an outsider to other kids/teens growing up so he wears his hood or some sort of facial covering on base as well. Severe trauma and all that.

Most definitely has a criminal record from when he was a kid and fought back against a bully after said incident and ended up just getting tunnel vision and…destroying that poor kid. The case was either sealed because he was a minor or expunged completely because the argument was that it was in self defense and he had the scars to prove their previous assaults on him. Nonetheless. It left him fucked up.

Shifting from being the defenseless kid being harassed and bullied to a bloodied teenager that now knows his strength and his capabilities in defending himself. Ough.

Part of the reason he sheds his insecurities on the field. He’s able to not worry about being watched or ridiculed and just go full fucking ham and he loves it. Part of the reason why his voice lines are so shrieky and gloating. I love it lmao.

If you’re on his side/somebody he considers to be an ally/friend? He may not talk much but will sort of…loom about. Small interjections here and there but overall just this shadow following you around- not that you mind.

Will look over at you when he does something successfully for a bit of praise like ‘hey? Did you see that? Wasn’t that cool? Please tell me im cool’ without saying it outloud.

I’m not sure if him being 6’10 is genuine canon (i can’t remember where I saw that if im being honest) but id imagine given how tall he looks finding clothes that fit him are a fucking pain.

DIY king. At his height and size he will have to do the occasional alterations on his clothes. Grew up with a single mother who did her all to give her baby boy a good life which meant teaching him how to sew from a young age, a small hobby he would partake in while sitting at his mother’s side and beam bright when she told him he was doing a good job.

Enjoys being in the wilderness quite a bit.

I imagine him to be a ginger for some reason. His hair isn’t too long but enough that he can tie it up so it doesn’t get in his face. If you become close enough to him that you can see him without his hood on, please run your fingers through his hair he will reach nirvana.

I’d also imagine that after spending so long covering his face, being without it feels. Weird. A touch overstimulating at first too.

Sort of like how in that one ep of the mandalorian season two where din has to take off his helmet to get into that database, you see all his emotions and him react to the wind hitting his face because he isn’t used to it.

NSFW

That being said. Once you kiss him he’s a bit of an addict for it. Won’t be out of the norm to find him pulling you back into his lap with a whisper of “one more, liebling? Please?” when you have to leave for a briefing in five minutes but then he nibbles at that spot on your neck and you just can’t say no to him.

Not a virgin, but not overly experienced either. I’d imagine there’s been a few flings in the past of folks who have met this quiet giant and just had to suck him off cause I mean, who wouldn’t? But the genuine intimacy of face to face, holding one another while fucking? It’s a rarity he hasn’t truly been able to experience yet.

Big dick and doesn’t realize it.

Loves a good makeout sesh. Doesn’t care if it’s juvenile or whatever if you sit on his lap and put on a movie in the background he will make out for fucking hours with his hand slipping up your shirt and pressing himself against your hips.

Tit man. Maybe it’s because I’m a fan of the honkers myself and i'm just projecting but the dude loooves to play with his partner’s chest. Big? small? Flat? He doesn’t give a fuck. Titties are titties please for the love of god let him touch you

Kinda goes insane for the type of shirt where he can see the outline of your tits through it if you aren’t wearing a bra. Don’t be surprised if he corners you during the day and scolds you for being “So cruel” to him by wearing it before he starts mouthing at your chest through the fabric.

Kissing, sucking, biting, licking, the man loves tits and will do it all god bless him.

Nipple piercings will make his head explode

Loooves eating pussy. SO so much. Will go to the point where you have to pull on his hair to get him off of you and then he has the audacity to look at you with those sad eyes and ask for one more.

Loves loves loves when you leave hickeys on him. He’ll never get in trouble for having them since he’s covered from head to toe at all times in the field but man does it get him riled up. Sees it as some sort of mark of your relationship to him, a little reminder for him to see in the mirror after your night together and he will plead for you to mark him up, he’s tough he can take it.

“You can do it for me, can’t you? I know you can. Just one more, yes?”

The type to kiss the pussy first, he’s a romantic.

Will mumble/moan praise while between your legs. Talking about how pretty your pussy is and how you're so soft all over it has you completely braindead.

Absolutely obscene with it, moaning and sloppy damn near drooling between your legs because he’s so drunk on you.

Has no preference to where he gets to cum. Sex with you is joy itself but if you were to twist his arm: he’d say he likes to cum inside of you.

He won’t say that he likes it so much because then he can lean back and watch his cum seep out of your hole, that’s his little secret. (Not a well kept one lmao)

Probably has a porno-esque fantasy of a “sparring turned to sex” scenario that he keeps tucked away in the back of his mind at all times.

#ask #asks #konig x you #konig x reader #HEHE TY ERI #könig x fem reader #könig x you #könig x reader

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ichijager13 · 2 years ago

Text

Without you

Pairing : Odasaku x reader

Rate : general audience

A futur time line where Dazai is the port mafia boss, Six years time skip since the dark era arc, both me, Dazai and reader need a hug, domestic fluff, grief, trying to start all over again.

Summary: After three years, Reader meets Dazai, her lover's friend at the cemetery.

Word count: 5K

A/N: What can I say other then that this one broke my heart to pieces... Enjoy reading.

This is a rewrite of something I bulished months ago on AO3 (I made it angstier...)

Also, I would like to thank each one of you for the support you are giving me ❤️

A sleepy smile spread across your lips when you felt him pressing tender kisses along your bare shoulders. You tilted your head to give him more access to the thin skin of your neck. A quiet whimper dropped from you as he grazed your warm skin with his sharp teeth.

You rolled to your side and brushed your lips against his. "Good morning". you whispered combing your fingers with soft and short red locks.

"Good morning, my love". he breathed against your lips. his arms brought you closer while his lips moved oh so gently against yours.

Early mornings, sleepy cuddles, soft and long kisses, books scattered in every corner of your apartment, the appealing smell of curry, warm smiles, soft red locks underneath your fingers, giggles of the kids, tight hugs, and endless happiness. Things you had to live without since that day. things that disappeared from your life with him.

You slipped your shoes on and checked once again for your phone and wallet before you closed the door behind you.

"I love this city". You hummed feeling your lover's warm embrace. "I can't see myself living somewhere else like I can't imagine myself being with someone else but you". Your head rested on his shoulder while your grip around his body tightened. Soft lips pressed to your temple; you close your eyes before you follow. "Promise me you'll never leave and that we'll grow old together under the sky of this town".

The sound of the kids echoed in your ears while you remained there, standing on your balcony watching the sun slowly set, pressed against each other.

After almost three years you moved back to Yokohama, his hometown, the only place where you belong. After three long years, you are finally able to breathe the same air he once breathed. You finally went back to your apartment.

You frowned when you checked the caller's ID, you left the teacher's room to take it.

"You need to come as soon as possible". Dazai's desperate voice spoke as soon as you picked up. "He has been severely injured; I'll send someone to get you". Your heart pounded violently against your ribcage. Without a word, you hung up went back inside grabbed your stuff, and left. You remained silent during the whole ride.

It was another Saturday morning; the kids were at your mother's place. On your way to the cemetery; you stopped to get a bouquet of fresh daisies.

Ever since that fatidic day six years ago, you never missed your weekly date with your lover. You would sit there with your back leaning against his tombstone and babble about stuff. Your lectures, current read, what's on your mind, and recently about the kids.

You stepped out of the car before it fully stopped and ran inside the building. It was a little bit dark but you could make out the contours of Dazai's frail figure hugging a body. Your heart skipped a beat when you realized whose body it was.

"My love". you clutched your hands to your mouth falling to your knees next to him. with gleaming eyes, you watched his hand falling off Dazai's face. With the last bits of strength, he had, he managed to take off the bandages covering the teenage port mafia executor's face.

You kneeled in front of the gravestone and pressed your lips to the letters forming his name. "Good morning, my beloved". You greeted before sitting down.

"Daisies?" you frowned watching the man you love making a flower crown. Your question was met with a quiet hum as a response. "Why though?"

"'Cause, it reminds me of you". He answered placing the now finished crown on top of your head. "They're cheerful and seeing them makes me feel at peace". His hand ran across your face before it rested against your jawline cupping it softly. "So delicate yet standing tall and with grace". Your eyelids fluttered shut as you absorbed his words. "With a pure heart radiating kindness like the sun radiating its light". A shy smile made its way across your lips. "So beautiful and gentle". He inched closer before capturing your lips.

"Sorry, I'm late". You rested your head on the cold gray marble. "I didn't find fresh daisies at the shop in our neighborhood, so I had to go elsewhere".

"And what kind of writer do you want to be?" Your eyebrows shot up in amusement. You took your time studying the handsome man sitting across from you. tall, tanned skin, vacant blue eyes, and unshaved shin.

With his eyes still fixed on his eventually cold cup of coffee, he answered. "The one that offers life". You chewed on your cheek to prevent the smile threatening to blossom.

That was the moment you fell hopelessly and helplessly in love with him.

Your eyes gazed at the clear blue sky. "Spring break is about to end," you breathed. "This year I will have freshmen and juniors. I can't wait to meet them". Your voice was soft yet filled with excitement. "I have already prepared a list of the books that I want to make them discover".

"Junichi, my dear, say hi to Asami". You squeezed his shoulder encouraging your five-year-old kid. "She's going to live with us, she will be your little sister".

A pair of dark, big eyes stared at you before they drifted to the young girl. "My sister?" He whispered. "I can play with her?" His eyes gleamed with excitement and brought you joy.

"Of course, my dear". you nodded.

"Things are fine, the kids are growing up fast. Junichi is obsessed with his new sister. They grew attached to each other during the past two months. Asami is a sweetheart; you would've gotten along so well and make me feel jealous". You let out a short laugh. "She loves reading too, she refuses to go to sleep unless I read her a story. And sometimes, Junichi volunteers to read for her. It's fascinating how fast he learns. He is getting better at reading and writing". Your smile grew wider when you remembered your children. "Oh, and he wants to learn to play chess, I bought him one yesterday. You should've seen the look in his eyes when he unwrapped it. He'll be turning 6 next month".

"I'm home". His deep monotone voice reached you from the house entrance before he stepped into the kitchen. "Curry?"

"Flavorful and spicy exactly how my man prefers it". you chanted before your lips met.

"What a lucky man". He commented once the kiss ended. "The house is suspiciously calm". he susurrated face still an inch away from yours. "Where are they?"

"Their room, I asked them to do their math assignments". You wrapped your arms around his shoulders. "Let us enjoy this calm a little". You whispered against his lips. but what the kids didn't notice was the subtle nod and glance exposing their places to the man in your arms.

Before they could move, he jumped pulling Sakura from behind the door. "One down". Followed by Yu and Katsumi who were hiding under the dining table. "Three".

"It's not fear! You cheated". Shinji rumbled when you glanced at the balcony where he was hiding. "You weren't supposed to help him!" He glared at you.

Your eyes narrowed. "I did exactly what you asked me to do". You pleaded. "I was trying to distract him so that you can take him down". You were doing your best to stifle your laughter.

Meanwhile, Kosuke was debating to break free from the redhead's grip. "And the last one is down". He spoke before setting the kid next to the others. "Giving up?" He inquired. He glanced at you and you joined them on the floor. "Seems like your ally surrendered".

He glanced at each one of you before he shrugged. "I guess I have to use some mafia-style torture". And he squeezed Yu's cheeks before pulling them gently. "So?" He glanced at the others before he kneeled in front of you. "Your ally is next". He wiggled his fingers. "She can't resist this one, are you willing to sacrifice her?"

"Don't!" you squeaked when his fingers touched your sides. "Kosuke, Katsumi please help". You cried when he closed his mouth around your nape. "No, not-not in front of the kids".

You took a deep, shaky breath. "I wish they had the chance to know you. I'm pretty sure they would've loved you".

"Can I remove it now?" you asked when the door clicked open. Seconds later, the darkness started vanishing as he uncovered your eyes. You blinked chasing away the blurry veil that coated your eyes before taking in the lovely sight offered to you. The spacious room was managed into a children's bedroom. "This is so beautiful". You gasped. "You did this?" You asked and he bobbed his head.

"The house is still exactly like you left it; the kids love it. I finally fixed the blue closet, the one you painted clouds and a sun on for the kids. I asked the school's art teacher to reproduce the same drawing and she did an excellent job".

"Look she's here". Dazai mourned. "Open your eyes Odasaku, you can't leave, not yet". He cried.

"My love". his voice was husky and barely audible. "I'm sorry, I won't be able to keep my promises". Tears flooded as you shook your head. "I can't write it…". he winced when he felt one of your tears rolling down his face. "I can no longer write a story". You pressed his head to your chest as silent tears continued streaming down your flushed cheeks. "I wish I could grow old with you and watch our kids live a happy and peaceful life. I'm… I'm sorry".

"Sakunosuke". Your voice broke when you called his name. through half-lidded eyes, the once cold and empty blue eyes stared at you with love. "You still can write one". You managed to gulp. "Up there, just make sure to save a copy for me, my beloved". He reached a shaking hand to brush away your tears.

"I'm sorry". He mumbled. "I…". he took a deep breath. "I fell in love with you the moment you smiled at me. It wasn't until I saw your smile that I understood the importance of life. Please, I want to see your beautiful smile. One last time". A relieved sigh left his pained chest when your lips quired up. "I love you".

"I love you too and I'll always will". You breathed before pressing your lips to his. When you pulled back, he was already gone, a soft smile adorning his pale face. You buried your face in his chest breathing in the familiar comforting smell. A wounded cry left your heaving chest as you mourned the love of your life.

You didn't notice Dazai's absence until he patted your shoulder. "Let's go". He spoke looking down. You covered his body with your scarf and followed the young port mafia member after you glanced one last time at the corpse of the man you love.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. "I miss you, Sakunosuke". A single tear rolled down your cheek. "I hope you and the kids are happier up there and that you finally got to write a story. Please, save a copy for me, darling. Tell the kids I love them and that I always pray for them, I pray for all of you. Please, watch over us and give me the strength I need to raise them well". You buried your face in your hands sobbing quietly. Images from your dates, late-night conversations, picnics with the kids, and early-morning cuddles flashed in front of you.

You were laying on your back in the middle of the empty room with your lover’s head resting on your bare stomach.

You couldn’t hide your surprise when you found him waiting for you near the high school where you teach at the end of the day.

“Hi darling”. He greeted before printing a kiss on your forehead. “I have a surprise for you, come with me”.

After a twenty minutes’ walk you found yourself standing in front of an apartment complex. Puzzled, you glanced at him waiting for an explanation. He opened the door and turned to you. “Welcome home, my love”. your mouth dropped.

After visiting every room and talking about how you want to decorate each corner of the house, you made love in the middle of what’s going to be your bedroom. Your digits were buried in his hair, scratching his skull gently.

Feeling your body shivering underneath his body, he moved, resting your head on top of his chest and covering your body with a blanket. His heartbeats and the warmth radiating from his body lulled you to sleep.

Not a day passed without you wandering through those memories. Even though he’s no longer a part of this world, it almost felt like he never left. He was everywhere you looked, smiling at you and guiding your steps leading you out of the darkness surrounding you. but almosts are never enough. It wasn't enough to ease your pain. That alone couldn't fill the void he left behind him and that consumed you slowly. before you adopted Junichi and Asami your life was a living hell, a hell you dragged your previous companion into.

It was a Saturday morning; the kids were still asleep. You were enjoying the calm while sipping coffee and reading your book. You were so immersed in the story you didn’t notice his presence until he pecked your temple.

You looked up offering him your brightest smile. Your lips met once he set his cup of coffee and took a place next to you. the kiss was sweet and short and was followed by another one longer. He slipped a hand to grip your hip as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. One of your hands was pressed against his toned torso while the other was wrapped around his shoulder. You continued exchanging kisses pulling away only when you felt dizzy due to the lack of oxygen. Before you knew it, you were sitting on his lap, soft kisses growing sloppier and messier.

Tears finally dry, you felt a cold hand tapping your shoulder. "So, it's been you all along".

"Dazai". You breathed recognizing your lover's friend's voice. Your eyes were met with a thin smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"Here, I'm sure he hates seeing his sweetheart crying". He handed you a tissue. "So, the rumors were true. you did move back to Yokohama".

"Yes, I came back home a year ago". You whipped your tears before offering him a place to sit beside you.

He leaned against the gravestone as his eyes wandered around before focusing on you. "And how are you doing?" He inquired.

"I'm doing well. I have two kids, a six years old boy named Junichi. We have been living together for a year now. And a two years old girl, Asami, who joined our family two months prior. Just like him, they both love reading". You beamed caressing his name.

"Ah, you adopted them". A faint smile tugged up his mouth when you nodded. "Wouldn't expect less from Odasaku's girl".

"No, no, no, please stay with me. please, don't leave like your father. Please, I beg of you, stay". You fell to the floor sobbing hysterically as the crimson pool underneath you grew bigger.

"Yes, I lost the baby months after Saku's death". A veil of sadness draped your eyes when you remembered that particular may night. "I believe he chose to join his father". Not knowing how to respond he rubbed your back up and down.

"And where are you staying with the kids?" He asked once you regained composure.

"Our house". You replied smiling.

"You… you kept it?"

"Of course, I did. You think we would've still lived in there if he was still among us?"

"I highly doubt it since you would've had about 10 kids, plus me". He said laughing, you joined him.

"How about you Dazai? How are you doing?"

"Quite busy since I became the port mafia boss". Noticing the surprised look, he changed the subject. "Can I offer you a coffee?"

"How about you come home and have lunch with us". You cooed, hesitating as he rubbed the back of his head. "The kids will be home by noon. I'm pretty sure they would be happy to meet you". you added in order to convince him. "Please, Dazai it's been a long time since I cooked for you".

"No spicy food". He rose his hand.

“Why do you always have to add so much spices”. The dark-haired boy whined. “that’s the only thing I can taste”.

“I’m sorry, Sakunosuke didn’t tell me you were coming. Here, this will help”. You handed him a glass of milk. “I’ll make you something not spicy, just a second”. You held your finger before going through the fridge.

"No spicy food". You promised. You pressed your lips to his name before murmuring. "See you next week, my love".

During the drive home, Dazai told you about how he left the armed detective agency and became the port mafia's boss.

Entering the apartment, a couple of souvenirs crossed Dazai's mind. "It still feels the same". He mumbled before he followed you inside.

"The kids will be thrilled when they see you. they feel a bit lonely since we don't receive many visitors". You spoke while putting on your apron. "How about some miso soup, rice balls, and grilled salmon?" You inquired.

"As long as it's not too spicy".

"I don't cook spicy food anymore". You mumbled, noticing Dazai's pale expression you added in a more cheerful tone. "Want some sake?"

"Yes, please". He smiled sheepishly. "Would it be rude if I ask you what happened with your boyfriend?" he inquired a while later.

"Oh, Yushimasa". You let out looking down, you felt your cheeks' temperature rising as you busied yourself with dicing the vegetables. "He said he has no chance of beating a dead man and that he is tired of trying".

"He knew". Dazai gasped, eyebrows quirked.

You nodded. "I never knew about it but he once followed me to the cemetery". You started cutting the fish. "He kept everything to himself until that day. I was making launch when he came into the kitchen looking as if he was leading a rough battle. It was a Saturday noon, and as usual, I visited Sakunosuke. So, he came in and said that our story reminds him of a western song and then told me everything". You glanced at the dark-haired man sitting on the other side of the countertop.

A worn-out sigh left your lips, this looks nothing like the curry you used to make. You were stirring the content of the pot when you heard your partner clear his throat.

"It will be ready soon, could you please set the table?" you asked.

"There's a song I want you to listen to. It, pretty much sums up our story". Confused you asked him to play it before started making a salad.

I am everything you want

I am everything you need

I am everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

I say all the right things

At exactly the right time

But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why

The lyrics echoed in the kitchen. Startled you throw looks his way; he was sitting by the dining table smoking calmly, only his shaking hands betrayed how nervous he was. "There's no use in hiding it anymore, I know about him". he spoke when the melody finally faded. "I understand why you always sound off and you never look me in the eyes when we make love. I know where your mind wanders when we are together. I realize why you never told me you love me”. he paused, eyes looking anywhere but at you. “for a long time, I mistook whatever you felt toward me for love. I somehow convinced myself that it's your shy nature that is keeping you from verbalizing your feeling and being more demonstrative". He took a long drag before he continued. "I didn't want to rush you or make you feel uncomfortable around me. so, I sat and waited patiently for you to overcome whatever was keeping you from loving me properly". He ran a hand across his face before taking another drag. "But then a friend told me that maybe you were having an affair. I laughed at him at first and said he is being ridiculous. But there was this Saturday morning thing. You always go out around the same time without saying where you are heading. And you never asked me to accompany you". you ceased moving and stood still listening to him. "I'm sorry but I couldn't take it anymore so I followed you". a bitter laugh left his chest. "I know I shouldn't do such a thing but… There were lots of questions and they were eating me alive. I had to know, I had to". His eyes trailed on your frozen figure before he dragged them away. "I had to know what was keeping us -what's keeping you- from being happy". He squeezed his eyes shut breathing in the nicotine before he resumed. "And there you were sitting next to his grave crying with your head resting against the tombstone".

"You never stopped loving him, didn't you?" Dazai's voice brought you back to the present time.

"I think you are best fitted to know that Sakunosuke is the kind of person who marks your heart and soul forever".

He took one last drag before crashing his cigarette. "I was a fool for believing that if I showed you how much I love and care for you, you might end up forgetting him. I never had a chance, since the very start". He looked up at you, a pained smile on his face. "I was being selfish. Forcing you to keep on doing this, expecting things from you when I knew your heart belongs to someone else. I can't do this any longer. I can't ignore his presence anymore. I can't pretend I don't see it in your eyes". Another dry chuckle left his quivering lips. "You never stopped loving him, not once. And I know I can't compete with him. I can never win your heart. I have already packed my stuff. I'll leave after launch. I would love to share one last meal with you if it doesn't bother you".

"Of course, I still love him and will always do. How can I forget what is inked in my soul? It has always been him and it always will be".

"What happened next?"

"Well, he said he is tired of pretending to be oblivious and not understanding that my heart belongs to someone else. He said that when he saw me crying and talking to the gravestone, he put two and two together and understood everything". You closed your eyes letting your souvenirs submerge you.

"There's no need to". These were the first words that came out of you. and for a split second, relief washed over him before he heard your next words. "I have a place to go to. A home back at Yokohama". The way his face twitched in pain crushed your soul. you could've sworn you heard his heart crack when those words dropped from you and you hated yourself for putting him through this.

"He kindly offered to move out and leave me the house. But I refused, I told him I already have a place I call home and that I'm going back there. I believe he made the right choice and I’m thankful to him". You smiled at the tall brunette. "I was finally able to breathe again and to continue to cherish my beloved's memory without feeling guilty. For the first time in years, I felt free. I was finally able to stop pretending and stop faking smiles. During three years, I had to pretend that I was happy, that that was the life I wanted to live, and that seeing how miserable he was because of me wasn't killing me. You know I can still feel his presence around me. Saku never left me, he is still here looking after me and our children". Noticing Dazai's puzzled expression you explained. "I never removed my name from the family registry. And when I adopted the kids, I added them there. so, officially they are Junichi and Asami Oda".

"I'm sorry you had to deal with all of this". Dazai spoke. "But why you never asked for my help?" A soft smile break through your face. Dazai has always held a special place in your heart. "You can always come for me if you or one of the kids need anything. I would be more than happy to help Odasaku's family".

"I know Dazai, I know. But you were going through a lot and I didn't want to bother you".

"Ah, ah, aaaah easy with that". He squealed; his reaction brought you pleasant memories. You remembered his flushed face each time you invited him when Odasaku did the cooking. You would listen to him going about how he always gets on chuuya's nerves. Just like Odasaku, you always enjoy Dazai's storytelling. You have always wished you could do more to help him. for both you and Odasaku, Dazai is like a son.

"Don't worry these are not spicy". You reassured him. "The kids will be here anytime soon". You added when you glanced at the clock on the wall. Like they were listening, the sound of the doorbell resonated in the house. "Hi babies, we have a guest today. Junichi darling, go greet uncle Dazai after you wash your hands". You took Asami from your sister. "Do you want to come in? I made a cake this morning". you asked her.

"Sorry, I have to go grocery shopping. Maybe next time?" She pressed a loving kiss on the tip of your daughter's nose before she left. Going back inside you found Dazai and your son have already become friends.

"Meet Asami Oda". You spoke in a cheerful voice which caused Dazai to smile fondly. "Do you want to hold her? It will be alright, just follow my instructions". You tried to encourage him when his eyes narrowed in worry.

"Please Odasaku don't kill me if I drop her". He mumbled holding your baby. "At least, do it gently". His last words made you laugh so hard.

"Place a hand behind her back. Like that. See, I told you it's easy". When his eyes met your child's, she smiled and him before ruffling his soft locks. "Apparently, she loves you. make sure you don't break her heart". You taunted.

"I sure won't. no one wants to deal with an angry Odasaku". He joked.

He was bumping the young girl when you spoke. "Be nice to him baby girl, he's papa's dear friend". he felt his heart stop when you refer to Odasaku as the father of your kids. Looking at you, he realized that if anyone was suffering from his friend's absence more than him, that person must be you.

"Mama, can I show uncle Dazai my chess game?" Junichi asked tucking at your apron.

"Of course, darling. Do you know where it is?" He nodded visibly happy before running to get it. "Careful not to fall". You called for him. "You sure are popular among the Oda's". you commented. "Try to come more often, please. I'm sure that will make both of them happy, especially him. He needs a masculine presence and another person telling him stories about the father he didn't have the chance to know". Your eyes swam with tears. "You are always welcome here, Dazai".

"I would love to. I have plenty of stories to tell about Odasaku". He took a sip from his sake. "What about Ango? Have you seen him?"

"We are in touch. He paid me a visit when he heard I was back and helped register the kids under Saku's name. he took care of all the formalities and helped me find a job but he never met the kids. You are the only one from Sakunosuke's friends and acquaintances who did". You took Asami from him and put her in her play space. "There you go". You patted her head before taking a place by the countertop. You took a sip from the tea you made and stared at him for a while. "I'm glad you took off the bandages that were covering your face. You have a beautiful face don't hide it again".

"If it helps find a beautiful girl who is willing to commit double suicide with me, I won't". you stifled a laugh. "Do you intend to stay here?" you nodded. After a brief silence, he called your name. "I never told this to Odasaku… but you are the parents I always wished I had". His words brought you tears. you reached your hands and squeezed his.

You still remember the day Odasaku told you about the kind of life Dazai has and it broke your heart to pieces. With a flushed face and soaked with tears, you asked your lover many times to convince him to come live with you which he did, on many occasions but Dazai refused each time.

"I already consider you as their old brother, we always did -Saku and I- that's why I want them to get to know you. just no talking about the new technics you discover around them, okay?" you winked.

"I promise". He rose his hand. he waited until the kid was out of earshot. "I miss him too. I'm sorry I couldn't save him. I'm sorry I didn't stop him. if only I arrived minutes earlier".

"It's not your fault, I mean it. don't blame yourself for something you haven't done. I don't think he would appreciate you doing it, and I don't appreciate either. continue doing good things as he asked you, and continue helping make the world a better place". You gently caressed his hair putting on a brave smile. "And honor his memory".

After Dazai left in the afternoon, you addressed a silent prayer and asked for him to be relieved of the heavy burden he carries. you prayed that one day the sad boy covered with bandages finally finds happiness. the same kind of happiness you felt beside your lover. You kneeled and prayed for Odasaku and the kids' souls, you prayed for Junichi and Asami and you prayed for more strength and courage to keep on living in a world without the man you love.

#odasaku x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs odasaku #Dazai Osamu #bsd fanfic #Oda Sakunosuke #bsd odasaku #dark era bsd #port mafia boss dazai #bsd

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emwheezie · 8 months ago

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so what's ur process for making the oc id's? what part takes the longest?

Omg okay, so I start with lots of research bc I don't have a driver's license lmao...I make sure to have an ID that matches the time period too! Google images has been my friend, same with the Wayback Machine and the internet archive for era accurate images.

I pretty much trace all the intricate details in the ID. There's just so much and it's so tiny it wouldn't be worth my time to draw it all out. I needed to work in SO MANY layers. IDs are supposed to be hard to replicate, so there's lots of overlays and images with half opacity and details with shiny finish and stuff. Each ID was around 30-40 layers in procreate. 😳

Once I have all the basic stuff drawn up, I'll do the character portrait. That's probably the quickest part!

Filling out the character info takes forever because i thought it looked better to hand write it rather than using a font. Once I have a lot or letters I was happy with, I would copy and paste them for consistency. (I really should've just drawn out the whole alphabet to copy and paste from lol)

My final step was to add some wear and tear to the IDs, considering how old they are and if the character would take care of it or not. Ex) Lennon's ID is a mess, but it's the oldest of all of theirs. He probably wouldn't carry it in a wallet, so it's worn out from being in his pocket for years. But I imagine Alyssa keeps her's in her wallet so it's a lot cleaner than everyone else's.

And yes, I stress myself out with these small details to the point where I get nauseous when I can't find the perfect ref or something is inaccurate (like I had to redo Lennon's school ID cause I accidentally used the logo and design from a school I'm Georgia and the comic takes place near Boston. I then spent 3 hours trying to look for a reference 🙃 I've lost my marbles fr)

Anyways thank u for your question!!! I'm glad I got to talk about this!

#inbox #ocs #art question #art process

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stevie-petey · 10 months ago

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YAYYYY THANK YOU STEVIE PETEY!!!! Also am I delusional or am I sensing a lil jealousy from my lil baby Robin? Maybe Steve did miss his chance and it's rugs/ bobins era now. I need to know what Steve has been saying to Dustin about bug!?!? Like what do you mean he likes her in white?? How do you know this you mysterious little man? Hopper and bug have my whole heart you don't understand. I totally understand how bug could be a little disturbed by the kids relationships cause when she was their age she was looking for lizards in the woods with Jonathan and these kids are making out? She'd be so weirded out. Like imagine your younger brother having his first kiss before you, that's gotta sting a lil. It sucks that bugs probably gonna be stuck in the elevator when the mind flayer comes back cause will needs his big sister😭. And Steve's jealous ugghhh it's what I feed off of. Steve and bug both having the same worries about each other is so soulmate of them Jesus Christ. Bug knowing that Steve is struggling with his father, and how she wishes she could show him how smart and amazing he is is so sad and sweet. He's really so amazing. And I know he's gonna feel all cool and sexy when he wins that fight with the Russian guard. Which is he is, he's 100% right. Dustin being disgusted with stug being cute is so real of him. Steve being a flirty little shit while being too scared to make a real move makes me wanna shake him. He knows she won't reject him, but he wants to make it special for her. Now that Steve has mostly given up douche bag ways I can see him as the kind of guy to remember every anniversary. First kiss? Yup, first date? Definitely. When he realized he was in love with bug? How could he forget it!? I need them to get together, better yet throuple with Robin. There's room for three, plenty of bug to go around. But honestly I can't wait for Robin and stug to become the ultimate friend group. I think Robin would make fun of Steve for having a girlfriend who's still in highschool, even though it's only a year between them.

mayhaps ur sensing something from robin 🤭🤭

and the scene with hopper n bug ugh i cant say a lot but that scene is suuuuper important n foreshadow-y they were so fun to write and theyve come so far since season 1 <3333

steves and bugs insecurities being DIRECT parallels of how jon/nance made them feel :((( my babies just need to kiss already. theyre so dumb like wdym ur scared u missed ur chance when ur KISSING EACH OTHERS NECKS ???? imbeciles i tell ya

speaking of imbeciles: steve blabs a lot and poor dustin just hears everything he isnt supposed to rip. and poor bug id also be so baffled by all the kids making out and dating like yall are CHILDREN go play video games and hide and seek get ur mouths away from each other (bug definitely is also a lil bummed dustin got his first kiss before her, it IS a tad embarrassing lmao)

and steve will 1000% he the bf who remembers the first time he even made EYE CONTACT with bug and shes just gonna be like ????? hello ??????

IM GLAD U ENJOYED THE CHAPTER THANK U FOR THE LOVELY ASK I LOOOOVE HEARING YALLS THOUGHTS <3333

#ask #anon #m speaks #nyas insight #INSIGHT WOOOOOO #this made me :))))

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jounosparticles · 1 year ago

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Hello o/ i just finished midterm im finally free orz.How are you doing?

I want to asked what do you think about Fukuchi?like his relationship or morality anything in general.Hes such an interesting character i wish ppl talk about him more.

hello! i’m pretty good! finished a read through bsd beast today (fantastic novel btw) and will work on some writing tonight i think!

i hope your midterm went well!! feel free to tell me about it if you’d like :) i’m interested

and ty for asking about fukuchi! i have lots to say about him.

fukuchi - my opinion

first off i will preface this by saying i USED to be a fukuchi hater. he used to really piss me off but looking back it was 100% biased towards the characters he hurt and i didn’t think too much of his motives. i actually really like him now and believe he’s very underrated.

for starters, i LOVE his design. the face scars especially really tie everything together. i also like his silly moustache hehe

his role as a hunting dog was really great and i hope we see more of that��some sort of pre-DoA scenes where we see the hunting dogs work together so i can look into their dynamics more. it seems that he genuinely was a good leader and cared for his squad. he was fun and lighthearted and seemed to be kind to his subordinates.

i really hope we get some sort of scenes where we see him interacting with the other members of the DoA, flashback scenes or something. we only really seen him interact with bram. i feel he would have gotten along well with sigma, since neither of them are bad people. in contrast i want to see him interact with fyodor and nikolai for the very opposite purpose.

i somewhat sympathized with fukuchi when he was fighting atsushi and akutagawa, his view on war clearly messed him up a ton and he just appeared to have a bad approach to solving what was right. i regret to admit i think i let a lot of the general perception of fukuchi hinder my opinion on him here. i understood his motives to a degree but couldn’t like him for that (which has since changed).

i wholeheartedly believe fukuchi is a good person. he is severely traumatized from all the war he had to deal with, which altered his perception on a good approach to solving things.

assuming he is around 45 years old, he would have received the warning of the war at the age of 9. imagine being a small child and realizing you have to save millions from dying? yet throughout it all he kept a great composure and was kind to others. the scenes where he was with fukuzawa as a child showed he was a good kid despite the huge task he would need to complete. this displays immense courage.

now more onto the DoA era.

notice how he turned everyone into vampires instead of just killing them? partially this was likely to build an army, however i assume part of it was to keep people from dying. he doesn’t want any more bloodshed and did what was necessary. he never told anyone about this though, there’s a good chance bram would have been more willing to help had he been open about the plan. maybe?

the way he treated bram wasn’t great though. it would have been cool to see him talk to bram about it and they work together. of course bram didn’t really seem to care too much about humanity before meeting aya, so he may have not agreed.

fukuchi was also incredibly smart for trusting fukuzawa to do what was right. it really shows their bond and how they knew each other. i’d love to look into their dynamics more, especially the scene where fukuchi tries to convince fukuzawa to go to war since there was a ton of symbolism there.

fukuchi and jouno’s bond also intrigues me. we know he invited jouno to the hunting dogs with the goal of him joining the DoA yet jouno was too influenced by good to be able to do it. i wonder if fukuchi would have told jouno the truth in the case that he agreed to join? or did he assume jouno was willing to be a ruthless killer? id like to think that fukuchi believed jouno had the morality to keep the agency safe despite being supposed to act evil; since fukuchi didn’t actually want them dead. ill make a longer analysis about this idea soon actually since it has the little gears in my head turning.

his relationship with tachihara is also interesting to me. i haven’t thought too much into it, but i believe fukuchi said something along of being disappointed in tachihara’s "betrayal". it makes me wonder if maybe he had hoped tachihara’s morality had changed in the mafia so he would never need to face him in battle? i’ll have to reread the chapters and look into this more.

his relationship with teruko also is one that makes me quite sad. she looked heartbroken as she had to kill him. she was also the only one he told other than fukuzawa about his real plan (as far as im aware). they were definitely close.

in the end, fukuchi’s reveal of the truth and everything he had been dealing with for so long made his actions make a ton of sense. he was just a person with a huge responsibility who tried to save things as well as he could. i really wish he could have gotten closure on the world he saved (if he is truly dead). he’s a fantastic character and has a ton of depth. i only scratched the surface here. maybe i will need to make an "in defence of fukuchi" essay at some point.

#thank you for asking this i love talking about him #super underrated character #i gotta make some dynamics analysis with him. him and jouno is one i think about a lot. like i said above im gonna make a post ab it even #also one with him and tachihara. and teruko. and fukuzawa #and maybe ranpo?#idk i have a lot to say about how fukuchi gets along with others. it’s really cool #asks #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd fukuchi #fukuchi ouchi #fukuchi #fukuchu bsd #ouchi fukuchi

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kosalupp · 6 months ago

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soooo ive been giving this "roleswap turned rewrite" some more thought

part one (?)

i think the first thing to fix would be the timeline ? ik Nintendo doesn't really care for it but they've established something with skyward sword that they can't really take back and trying to revamp the entire timeline (and foundation of Hyrule) when botw leans heavily on the whole blood of the goddess and spirit of the hero thing is plain stupid.

spoiler alert i haven't played/watched all the games which makes me inadequate in actually trying to fix the timeline lmao but i try my best

ik most people are miffed by the time travel/draconification because it took away a lot of the mythical and spiritual part of botw and I won't deny that. but im a whore for a good old causal loop so ill keep those elements in although it would be more interesting to replace the zonai era by post-ss era. on one side you've got a kingdom that has fallen to the calamity a hundred years ago trying to rebuild itself now that the threats of evil have been defeated and on the other side there are the hylians who descended from the sky into a land that hasn't been explored yet and have to make do with probably unfamiliar ressources. both would be stories of communities building and expanding their settlements to offer a better life for their people (less talk about royalty more about community the push to stick to traditions, ancient legends and hierarchy was one of the major issue encountered by link and zelda pre-calamity)

as for the ancient sheikas id assume 10,000 years before botw would still be taking place after all the other zelda games so after a convergence of the three timelines ? the fallen hero timeline ends with a pretty... dead Hyrule, no settlements afaik. the child timeline kept traditions and the royalty alive and in the adult timeline we know that Tetra and Link refounded Hyrule and found new continents, they made hyrule their own and technological advancements flourished. it wouldn't be far fetched to imagine the sheikah built upon those growing technologies.

after that we know the sheikahs endured genocide at the hands of Hyrule royalty, id like to think that because of this, Hyrule fell into a dark age, it would explain why so much was lost to recorded history after the first calamity.

to me all of this would make the timeline cleaner, we don't need hundreds of variations of Hyrule refounding itself but im not willing to touch upon what botw has established and moving it around the timeline probably wouldn't work.

this is the first time ive tried to put all those thoughts on paper lol it's still vague in my head and im not really eloquent sorry :')

#tloz #botw #totk

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oswednesday · 1 year ago

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What media property would you want to be the world you're from in a kingdom hearts esqe thing? Like, as a Disney world scenario or the final fantasy hub world stuff, or the end game world is fucked scenarios that occasionally appear.

Id want some vaporwave shit like paradise killer but like, being one of the young adults working as a camp counselor at like a goosebumps type thing would be cool too.

omg lets brainstorm, i liked in earlier games and find me missing in the era of games im in right now is like, built in shop where you have to get items only from here, a bunch of different shop designs were adopted around this time but i think it adds something to be mildly inconvenienced by commerce, so maybe its a huge vaporwavey shop world? theres gacha arcade stuff for like secret bonus ending collectables to get here and a keyblade to get here along with regular collectables and items? the wreck it ralph characters could be there imagine, how concept two would work out im not sure but i think the characters from parasite eve should be there

but re: me, beneath this Cut

i like the idea of the game which contains this reality would have multiple play things unlocked so its like a new game plus world situation? like you can see it sometimes on the map but you cant really get to it and there would be others like that! theyd be locked behind like requirements like kill a thousand enemies or something like that

what the kh world is based on is lost early conceptual draft for an animated film from the early princess era, the common belief is that it was scrapped for the sweeter snow white story and when some concept art was found many years later it contributed to the art direction of the black cauldron, (in this reality) mamoru hosoda and kōji morimoto co-direct under studio 4 C the now fully animated movie length release of "sighs blow the cradle" (usa and elsewhere titled: lullaby for princesses), the movie is distributed globally via disney

obvi the sequence of events is a bit different in the movie than the game, kh replacing bedtime stories of adventure within the world with like kh lore, and of course the endings majorly differ, the princess* escapes as a rabbit into the garden and the prince cannot/or chooses to not tell the rabbit apart from the Real rabbits in the garden, and vows to take care of the land until he can, the princesses all move back into the treehouse like castle and help out in a dialog-less montage, which does not happen in kh; they remain on their princess adventures instead, which imo is the better story, but theyre representative of like time and war so them settling down is like, significant, to a world so based around violence, i get what they were going for

#play toys with me #the tag im using so it doesnt go into the fandom tag gfgdfgfd also the phrase is stuck in my head im removing it

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nebulations · 1 year ago

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[ID copied from alt: A drawing of Dipper and Mabel Pines re-imagined as 20 somethings. Dipper has basically the same haircut along with bushy eyebrows and a whispy goatee. Mabel has poofy bangs and a long side ponytail. They are both wearing sweaters that say "24". Dipper additionally has on a vest and Mabel has on a party hat.

Panicking and grabbing his face, Dipper says "25 next year. We're gonna be 25 next year. I cant be 25! I still eat SANDWICHES every night for dinner!" Concerned, Mabel gestures with her hands and says "Dipper, stop it! You're thinking about this all wrong!" The scene cuts to a close up of her face. She says "It's not-" Mabel clutches her chest in fear as she continues "Augh! I'm gonna be 25! The world is ending right before my eyes!" adding "It's-"

Mabel puts one arm around dipper and gestures out to the world with the other as she smiles and says "Wow! We're gonna be 25! How cool is that??" Dipper looks disgruntled, but doesnt say anything yet. Mabel turns her head toward dipper and says "We'll be the age of so many sitcom characters! Think of all the zany shenanigans we might get into!" Jaded, Dipper responds "Right. Because being a washed up wreck with a hectic love life is something I'm always aspiring towards"

Mabel frowns at him. Dipper looks away sorrowfully, he says "That was mean, I'm sorry. I'm just not really feeling it this time Mabel." Mabel's expression saddens. The scene switches to just Mabel. She rubs her temples and puts on a serious face while she thinks "Come on girl, think. There must be SOME way you can get through to him!" From off screen, Dipper says "I'm sorry Mabel, I didnt mean to ruin the birthday vibes. I just-"

Mabel closes her eyes and cuts him off, saying "Shhh, shhh shut up". She turns to him and points at him while yelling "BIMBO!"

Dipper looks away in confused discomfort. Blankly, he asks her "What?" Mabel throws up her hands while she says "Bimbo Baggy! Hot elf movie! You made me watch it because you said it would teach me life lessons!" The scene shifts to just Dipper. Smiling, he says "Oh, lord of the rings?" Off screen Mabel replies "Yeah! That one! How old are the characters in that?"

Dipper holds his chin and grins while he looks up into the air. He says "Well, I dont remember if they mention it in the movies, but if you read the books you find out the Hobbits' ages range from 29 to 50. Though for Hobbits their coming of age isnt until-" With a look of mild shock he says "30".

The scene shifts back to Mabel smiling sympathetically. She says "I have read the book. if being a 25 year old man is going to make you feel like you have to act all professional and serious and junk, maybe we should just be hobbits. Then maybe you can have fun like youre supposed to." Amused and touched, Dipper responds "Mabel, you dont have to trade away your sitcom era to be a hobbit with me."

Mabel smiles and shoots him a finger gun as she says "I never said it wouldn't be a hobbit sitcom. I'm gonna have relationship troubles with a hot elf who is cheating on me with an even hotter dwarf." End ID]

Cheers to everyone who is coming up on or has already entered their hobbit era! May the years bring you many new adventures! But be wary of hot elves!

And happy 24th birthday Dipper and Mabel!

#BEYOND wonderful op!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#gravity falls #described

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hangonimevolving · 30 days ago

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The Horror Movie - Epilogue

The preceding three posts have been a story about my father, and the road to diagnosis of dementia and Alzheimer's. He is the patient, and he has had a story and experience. But - I think it's important to frame it as a story that is also my mom's, mine, my entire family's, and my entire community's experience. We have ALL experienced a lot of complicated feelings about my dad's diagnosis and this entire incident. Even as the incident was evolving, we knew that it was likely that my dad didn't just act out of free will and boredom, and that there was something more sinister going on in terms of physical health, cognitive health, psychological health, or some combination of all those things. And in the end, this has been the case. We have all the empathy and grief for that that a family would have. My dad has spent his life as a caring physician, a loyal husband and father and a good provider for his entire family, and as a member of his broader community. In no way, shape or form do we necessarily blame him for the ways that dementia and Alzheimer's could have occluded his judgment or made him rationalize the frightening decisions or sequence of events that happened in late October 2024:

-walking out of his house ON FOOT, with no ID, credit cards, phone or smart watch, and with only about $120 in his pocket

-walking nearly 8-9 miles in the sun, much of which was along extremely high-speed state highways (!) till (he says) he ran into a cab driver who agreed to take him to the Fort Lauderdale bus station for only $25

-boarding a Greyhound bus to ORLANDO, a city nearly 250 miles away

-arriving at the Orlando bus station around 10-10:30 at night, just before the bus station would close to the public for the night, and making the decision not to take a cab or even walk to a hotel, but instead - sleeping on a dirty public bench outside of the bus station. OMG. My dad, a successful physician who spent decades in private practice, who has no prior history of addiction, cognitive/psychological illness, or any other factors that might contribute to these decisions - SLEPT ON A BUS STATION BENCH.

-waking up the next morning and NOT HAVING A TOOTHBRUSH to brush his teeth. Sorry to inject one tiny moment of comedy here - but one thing my mom, sister and I kept repeating to each other throughout our nightmarish situation is, "how is dad gonna manage without a toothbrush, wherever he is?! He brushes his teeth like 5 times a day!" My dad has a tooth-brushing habit and we couldn't fathom that he'd be alive and wandering somewhere without a toothbrush

-the next day, wanting to come home, but then temporarily being argumentative/resisting help from authorities to get treatment and reunited with his family.

I am not blind. I am not heartless. I have been a devoted daughter to my parents for 45+ years. In no world did I imagine that these things would happen, and there is no universe where I believe my dad would do these things out of his own free will. I totally believe and know that something more was going on with him, and of course I am sad for that and feel for that.

But I am also human. So is my mom, so is my sister, so is Dr. Spouse and everyone. The weird thing about humans is, we have to exist on this planet and process all the stuff we learn and experience from one era to the next. It can be true that we grieve and empathize with my dad's diagnosis AND that we are also reconciling the fact that he has often been difficult in our lives. I am sorry to say it that way, but it's true. I won't belabor it..... but he has sometimes been a difficult person to live with, just because he is extremely opinionated and stubborn and contrary. He is completely sober, has almost never drank alcohol. He has no addictions or vices. But he is a difficult person. And that part isn't new to us. So we are reconciling some things with that, and it's been hard. And we are allowed to feel our feelings with that.

This has been my story too. And here, on my blog, to both the universe and to no one at all - - I felt compelled to write my story, and share the Horror Movie that I have lived. I feel like I'm entitled to at least that.

It felt like for at least a few weeks, every single day since the Orlando incident was been a hectic, nonstop train of me just doing things to protect and support both my parents in this new reality.

I dropped a small fortune on the services of my trusty electrician who wired my house during our renovation. - went over there and installed Ring cameras in and around their entire house with motion alerts sent to me every time he steps out the door.

I ordered AirTags and hid them in his shoes. I attempted to arrange a home health aide to come to their house 12-15 hours a week so my mom could run errands, get groceries, etc without the fear of him escaping the house and running away. That one basically ended before it even began, to my total frustration... but that's a whole other story. I had a list of like 20 people, groups, agencies that I wrote thank-you notes and sent fruit baskets and gift cards to for all their help.

Dr. Spouse also ended up doing WAY more than overtime - he’s 100% taken over their medical management, booked dad in for further Neuro-psych work up, geriatrician, the works. He used seemingly every connection he’s developed the last 10 years in this healthcare system to support my parents. I am at once indebted, and crushed, that he was/is in that position.

Lastly - YES. I found myself a counselor. I have been through a lot, and it's not over yet. The Horror Movie thankfully had a relatively good ending, but when it comes to dementia and Alzheimer's its a long road, and spoiler alert: you kind of know how its going to end already. We are SOOO grateful we found my dad alive and in reasonably good physical health — but this all was super traumatic. And it isn’t like it is over for us. We live in a smallish community, and overnight we kind of found ourselves as “known figures” here, and not in a good way. Even now, three months later, people stop me in the grocery store, in the car line at school, etc. and they are so kind and expressing relief about the fact that we found him - many of them were helping in their own ways. But, understandably perhaps, they always want to know “so where was he? What happened?” and in many ways I feel like they have a right to ask, but also - it’s hard to answer. I came up with a boilerplate response where I’m truthful and say, “he has dementia, and we are just learning the reality of this condition”. But yikes.

I cringe for my kids. The kids that I have helicopter parented for over a decade. The ones I breastfed, so they wouldn't be exposed to weird chemicals. The ones I homeschooled, so they wouldn't be exposed to weird viruses. They have now been exposed to the reality of the world, that sometimes, bad shit happens in your family, and you don't know how it's going to end. And maybe that's just life. But, it caught us off-guard and we were having to figure it all out in real-time, and it was a lot. It is still a lot. They’ve had to answer questions too, especially Vev in middle school 😭 he is absolutely a wallflower, and his mission in life is not to attract attention to himself. This has been torture for him.

Anyway. Is this an anticlimactic end to the Horror Movie? Perhaps. I am exhausted just reliving the whole thing here. But I felt like it was important to tell the story of one of the most difficult and traumatic things I've ever endured.

#family #elderly #sandwich generation #Alzheimers #dementia

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dannyawesome65 · 4 months ago

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I talk ab towntwistle and some 60s music

OK so this has been laying around for a while and I'm finally finishing it now... but yea here are some songs that I associate with THEM, bc they're so important. also this is purely for my own enjoyment, but hopefully you can get something out of this too

I NEED to get this off my chest now bc GOD it has been brewing in the back of my head for weeks now probably.

this song specifically gets me all crazy:

up in her room with seeds, from 1966.. id say its garage rock? heavy psychedelia? who knows. that's the closest description I have for now. and it's almost 15 minutes long! as a prog girl that is RIGHT up my alley. but it gets kinda repetitive so if ur not into annoying songs I'm sorry lol (the rest of them are way shorter i prommy). OK so,

this monster of a track is making me imagine john sneaking into HER (petes) room. pretty straight forward. I have this silly idea/trope that I like, which is pete being john's trophy gf. not really a trans au, but more just pete being feminised I guess. the song fits into this trope in my mind... john (big & desperate BUT very soft..) sneaking into his fav doll petes (frail & eager) room (their secret haven), and they have some fun. THE room will be a reoccurring theme here.....

I have so many emotions about this track. it's so good. you really feel the feverish longing/desire in it. its so ecstatic. so fitting for young inexperienced couples that have just found their first love and feel everything so deeply. it gets so addicting and they just crave more. the insanity builds up throughout the song and hits climax at the end. I cant really describe it, you just have to hear it for yourself. the lyrics and vocals are crazy to me..... I feel all hazy and my mind is going swirly whirly when I hear it. it is a WHOLE trip I love it alot 10/10.

OK NEXT! (I won't be linking them now I'm LAZY SORRY)

the way I feel inside - the zombies (1965)

this is PEAK childhood friends to lovers I just LOVE it. going from the longest song to one of the shortest ones. in just 1 min and 51 seconds the zombies grab my heart and tears it APART. keeping it very minimalistic with the instruments, the entire focus is shifted to his words. and by god I love the lyrics in this. its so wholesome and sweet and pure and innocent and I just see a young, flustered pete thinking about john when I hear it. makes my heart warm.

the morning after - count five (1966)

this is very vague but I still think it fits so well. I just love the sound of it. pete woke up and is all tired, sleazy even. the room is mentioned again. It's a very short song, but I love it.

let's go away for a while - the beach boys (1966)

OK so I don't necessarily associate this one with them exclusively... but I once saw someone say this song is like when you're in a room full of people, you look around and eventually lock eyes with someone you like (you'll understand what I mean if u listen)... and ever since then I'm unable to think of it in any other way. it's just a sweet little instrumental song.. and just how the drums are like a beating heart makes me so soft...

you still believe in me - beach boys (1966)

OK another beach boy song.... but how couldn't I when they're so freaking good... this one makes me SO emotional and its very pete coded to me OK... especially more adult pete. we're talking Tommy era here i think... he is dealing with so much and I can't feel normally about it.

what more can I do - the zombies (1965)

BACK TO childhood friends. this is very john having internalised homophobia (thank you that 1 towntwistle fic for crushing my heart). very wild and desperate. overwhelming w emotion. I love it so much.

move it up - count five (1966)

i really like count five damn... there's one lyric here that drives me insane.... "you won't do what I wish you would" it stuck with me since the first time I heard it. all I'm hearing is petes unrequited love for john, jesus.

you've really got a hold on me/bring it on home to me - the zombies (1965)

can you tell I really like zombies debut..... this song is more, general I feel.. but still, it has such strong childhood friends experimenting thing going on in my mind...... "I wanna quit now, I just can't split now." very much john can't make up his mind... crying.

come by day, come by night - vanilla fudge (1968)

I recently discovered this song and jesus christ. it blew my mind. the singing is so passionate and ughhhghhbbnnnbghbg. this also subtly mentions the room... "come by day, come by night, I'll be home... waiting, wishing, hoping, wondering...." fuuuuuuyyyckkkkkkkk.

sweet tooth - free (1968/9?)

this one is pretty ironic? unserious? to me, idk it makes me giggle, but its still so unbelievably sexy. I add it here bc it has haunted me for soooo long now. also this somehow reminds me of mintys towntwistle drabble.... "I give her all my sugar...." yea. the guitar is SO freaky too its beyond me how an instrument can sound so horny.

little games - the yardbirds (1967)

listen to this and tell me it isn't screaming young pete and john. LIKE HELLO?!?!? I don't even have to explain.

only the black rose - the yardbirds (1967)

this is pete. christ. I'm crying

"and for the moment you're in the room."

I wonder, I wonder, I wonder - the vagabonds (1956??)

this eerily reminds me of that one fic again. to make things worse this song can go both ways for them. they are so young and sweet. and it's so very sad.

and now for just some silly general love songs that I have been enjoying alot lately, not necessarily associating with them...

(my soft john & fem pete trope really shining through....though.......)

the world - count five (1966)

she said yeah - the animals (1964)

how do you do it - the beatles (196?? idk)

hold me tight - the beatles (1963)

fallin' in love - the seeds (1966)

I could do a post like this for daltwistle too but that's for another time...

OK that's all

#ptje

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