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dreamescapeswriting · 3 years

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Safe & Sound ~ OT7 [Request]

WORD COUNT: 4.5K

GENRE: Angst with a fluffy ending, platonic friendship with the boys, fighting,

PAIRING: Platonic ot7 x Fem!Reader

A/N: I hope you enjoy this my love! Sorry it’s a little late my laptop completely gave out on me so I had to steal my brothers >.< I hope that this fic is okay for you and that Y/n isn’t too easily forgiving! I am working on that for you guys like I said before

The room was so hot it felt as though you were going to melt into a puddle on the seat, a heatwave had made its way through Seoul and Sejin made a decision to have a conference with the boys in the hottest room in the HYBE building. It was one of the hottest days in the year and instead of being out in the sun you were trapped in a meeting room waiting for Jimin to come and meet you, the boys and Sejin to have a nice long discussion about the tour that was going to be coming up.

The way that Sejin paced up and down in front of you made you nervous, he called a meeting with you and the boys and of course, Jimin was running late but Sejin had no idea why leading him to believe that you did. Being close with each of the boys meant you must have known everything, even if you didn't.

"You sure you have no idea?" You shook your head as Sejin asked you for the fifteenth time if you knew where Jimin was, you did, but you weren't going to let onto the fact that you knew. Jimin was on a date with his secret girlfriend and you were covering for him, you and the boys were the only ones who knew who the boys were dating since it was in their contracts that they weren't supposed to but they were boys. They had needs just like everybody else had so you kept their secret. After all, you were their best friend, you'd been with them since they debuted and you were always going to stick by their sides no matter what.

"He probably slept through his alarm Sejin, you know what he's like," You suggested, trying to calm the manager down who simply sighed and nodded his head at you finally taking a seat at the desk while the other six boys thanked you with their eyes. They all knew where he was but you didn't know the exact details, you never wanted to know the details just who they were with and how long they were going to be.

"Sorry, I'm late! The alarm just didn't wake me up," You sighed in relief as a sweaty-looking Jimin sat down in a chair beside Yoongi, Sejin said nothing as he stood up and began making his way over to a whiteboard to begin discussing the arrangements for the new tour.

As their personal assistant, you were going to be going along with them everywhere, as you did every tour, it was fun. You got to explore the world with some of your best friends as well as get some front row seats to the best performances you'd seen, though you had seen them enough times you could probably perform them with the boys. You'd gotten to travel around the world with your best friends, seeing the sights, having fun and just relaxing despite it being your job.

"As usual we'll stay in the cities for two nights and then head out to the plane the next morning, bright and early. That means no one can be late," Sejin said with a stern voice as he stared at Jimin who was hiding behind a cup of iced tea and blushing, you bit down on your lip to stop yourself from laughing and waited for Sejin to finish his speech. Hoping it would be soon so you could get out of the room, it was like sitting in a vivarium, if this was how snakes felt all of the time you never wanted to be one.

"I didn't think he was going to stop talking," Jin moaned as he sat in front of the small mini-fridge that was in Yoongi's studio, the door open as he let the cold air hit his body. You and Namjoon on the other hand were laid on the flooring under the air-con machine being blasted with cold air,

"I think I lost weight in there," You whined as you looked over at Jimin, his head in his phone clearly trying to apologise to his girlfriend who had ditched,

"Is she okay with it? I'm sorry I couldn't get you out of it, I already got Jungkook out of a meeting last week," You spoke softly as Jimin glanced up at you, shaking his head.

"It's not your place to make excused for us, don't be silly," You smiled weakly and laid your head back down on the floor as you watched the ceiling. All of the boys were dating and only you knew about it, no big deal. Namjoon had been together with his partner since the year after they debuted together, it was a surprise to you that no one else knew about them.

"How's your dating life going?" Hoseok asked as he fanned himself with a stack of papers from the coffee table, you scoffed at him whilst shaking your head.

"I don't have time for dating, I'm too busy looking after you idiots," You mumbled sarcastically as you sat up slowly, thanking Yoongi who came into the room carrying cold drinks for everybody.

"When was the last time you did something that wasn't for us?" Taehyung questioned, genuinely interested since to him all he seemed to him that you did was work, wor, work and sleep.

"Last week I went to that book shop-"

"Which you went to because Namjoon wanted the knew Leigh Bardugo book," Jungkook interrupted as he smirked at you.

"But I still went and got some things for myself." You grumbled, wanting to move on from this conversation as it made you uncomfortable.

"Y/n can do what she wants, when she wants she just choices to look after us," Yoongi reminded them as he could see how uncomfortable you were getting about the subject,

"Anyway, you need to listen to this new song, so come on." He quickly headed over to his computer and began typing as he searched for one of the songs he'd been working on, while you carefully snuck out of the door and headed to your office for the day.

"I'll walk you to your car," Jimin said as you walked into the elevator together, you glanced up at him and smiled weakly. It had been a long day of organising things for the upcoming tour, making sure the hotels you were going to visit had everything the boys would need as well as running around the building to make sure the boys had what they needed that day. Your head was spinning so fast you thought you were going to need a week-long nap just to make up for it,

"Can you drive me home instead? I feel like I might fall asleep," You whined, laying your head down on his shoulder as he chuckled hitting the garage floor buttons and nodding his head. It wasn't completely out of the ordinary for one of the boys to drive you home or for you to drive them home you were like a happy family and they always looked out for you.

"Sure, I'll get Jin-Hyung to pick me up from yours," He chuckled as he waited for the lift to move, laying his head on top of yours as you shut your eyes for a second wanting to rest them.

"Thank you for covering for me, I didn't mean to stay at Mina's last night, we just had a long night." You laughed softly while shaking your head,

"It's fine, you don't have to explain anything to me Jimin, just make sure you're on time or Sejin might get suspicious. I don't mind you boys dating as long as you can keep it under wraps, you know that." You poked his cheek as you stood up straight, getting out on your floor and giving your car keys to Jimin who began following you in the direction of your company car.

"What are you doing for your eighth year with the company?" He questioned, trying to make small talk to keep you awake for a little while longer, he knew how bad your sleeping patterns would get if you went to sleep now.

"I'm thinking of taking a week off, maybe go and have a holiday? You keep pestering me to do," You laughed softly as you got into the passenger side door of the car and watched Jimin as he started the engine, he always looked so confident when he drove compared to when he first passed his test and was always so nervous to even start up an engine.

"What?" He stared at you thinking he'd done something wrong but you shook your head with a smile,

"Nothing, you just look confident, it's a good thing." You whispered as you stared out of the window focusing on everything you were passing by as Jimin tried to make some basic conversation with you.

The next morning there was a weird feeling in your stomach that something was going to happen or that something bad had already happened and you had yet to figure out what it was. The boys hadn't replied to your calls or texts and Sejin was telling you there was an urgent meeting you had to be in right away with no excuses.

"Morning Ted, did your baby arrive yet?" You laughed softly looking up at the security guard as you signed in. Normally you would exchange small talk about his pregnant wife but today he seemed stand-offish and was ignoring you as he handed you your ID card and took your bag to scan it through.

"Everything is clear." Frowning at the way he was acting you headed over to the elevators ignoring the glances you were getting from people around you, it could have just been your imagination but they were whispering under their breath and pointing at you.

"I heard that it dropped late last night and she's the only one capable of knowing everything." The doors shut before you could hear anything else that one of the cleaners was saying, the feeling you had that morning tripled in size and your legs felt like jelly, you could have sworn you were going to throw up at any second. Rumours in this place were the worst kind of rumours, they could make you lose your job or have you arrested, no one seemed to think before they spoke around there and any kind of news true or false spread like wildfire.

"Morning Sejin, everyone is acting rather odd-" You stopped talking when you walked into one of the smaller conference rooms to see the boys sitting around the table with Sejin, all staring at you in silence as Sejin clicked on his laptop. Behind him on the projector screen appeared different articles about the boys all with yesterday's and today's date on them, each of them detailing the dating lives of the members with photographs.

"What the fuck," Your bag dropped from your shoulder and onto the floor as your eyes scanned over the screen, more and more articles popping up the more Sejin clicked on his keyboard.

"What happened? I thought you told me you would be careful!" You yelled staring at the boys who were all staring back at you, Yoongi scoffing as he shook his head at you.

"There Y/n goes, shifting the blame onto somebody else," Your heart began to pound against your chest as you realised they thought that it had been you to leak the stories to the press.

"What?" You stuttered out looking from Sejin to the boys, all of them had the same look of disgust on their faces as they looked at you. Well all of them except for Jungkook who seemed to have his head in his hands.

"We trusted you!" Namjoon hissed as he got up from the chair, slamming the palm of his hands against the wood as he locked eyes with you. It felt as though you were being told off by a parent only worse, this time you knew you'd done nothing wrong and yet they were going to blame you without any form of proof.

"Why would I go to the media? I've been working here for eight years, why would I go and throw away eight years of work and friendship?" You pleased with them, trying to make them see the sense in what they were saying, you would never do anything like this to them. Not to mention you'd signed thousands of contracts stating that you couldn't speak to anybody about what was happening outside of that building.

"No one else knows about it, no one but us and you," Yoongi mumbled, folding his arms over his chest as he stared out of the window. He couldn't bring himself to look at you, he felt betrayed in so many different ways.

"Is this how one of our songs was leaked four years ago?" Namjoon was hurling accusations at you but you shook your head, there was no way you were going to let them put the blame onto you for this. Not when you had nothing to do with it.

"Why would I do something like that? I'm your friend-"

"No you're not, you've never been our friend. You've been using us since the start," Jungkook finally spoke as he got up from his chair, you glanced over at him to see his eyes were bloodshot from crying, Sejin looked over at the door as someone knocked on it and he excused himself.

"I haven't been using you, I've been here since you debuted, I've been working with you guys. You're like my brothers, why would I ever hurt you like this?!" You were yelling now as they continued to put the blame onto you, you knew yelling wasn't going to make them see the truth but it was the only way you thought you could heard over them.

"Tell us we're wrong then, tell us you didn't go to the media with all our date stories," Hoseok said as he stared at you, arms folded over his chest as if he was challenging you to do something.

"Fine. You're wrong. I would never do something so idiotic," You stared at Jimin who had yet to say a word to you,

"Jimin took me home and I went to bed last night, I could barely lift my head up." You began going over in your mind what you had done the night before, there was no way you would do something like this.

"The sources came from your email account, your name was used to sign off on each source," Taehyung mumbled, getting up and pointing to the source materials all of the media outlets had been using.

"It's not that hard to get my email online, it's not that hard to find my name-"

"STOP LYING TO US!" Jimin finally cried out, red in the face from anger as he let tears stream down his cheeks, your heart felt as though it was breaking from the sight alone.

"Jimin...Please, I would never do something like this to you." Tears began to well up in the corner of your eyes as you wished he would believe you, hoping that was some way he would take your side through all of this.

"It's a good trick though, pretending to be our friend and then selling stories behind our backs," Yoongi said sarcastically as he sat back down in the chair it looked as though he'd already made up his mind on what had happened, they all had.

"You're a disappointment," Jungkook hissed, venom dripping from his words as he stormed out of the room, you begged him to stay but he ignored you.

"Why would we ever trust a snake, like you?" Another stab to the heart as Jin stormed out of the room with the words, you turned to look at Jimin who was normally the one to take both sides during a discussion but this time he seemed to have already made up his mind and he was set in his way.

"You have to believe me, I would never-"

"Then how do you explain it?! How do you explain everyone knowing it all! You're the only one that knew all of this information Y/n! Just fucking own up to it and don't be so stupid," He yelled in your face making your breathing hitch in your throat, you watched him walk out of the room followed by Yoongi, Taehyung, Hoseok leaving you alone with only Namjoon who was shaking his head at you.

"Joonie-"

"Only my friends get to call me that, we never should have trusted you." He rubbed his temples and you knew what that meant, he was trying to make a decision about something and your heartbroke. It was about you and you knew it.

"To make things easier, since no one believes me anyway, you can stick your job," You mumbled, snapping the lanyard that carried your ID inside and dropping it onto the desk. Followed by the company car keys,

"I'll give you the apartment key when I move out," You grumbled, walking out of the room and slamming the door behind you.

"Don't act like you're better than us! You did this to yourself!" Yoongi yelled as you joined him in the hallway outside of the meeting room, you scoffed at him as you finally let the tears go.

"You know what, you've already made your decision so it clearly doesn't matter. What happened to innocent until proven guilty?!" You yelled back at him, you didn't need to worry about losing your job since you'd already quit, there was nothing holding you back anymore.

"What happened to, "Y/n you're our best friend, no matter what?', or is that all just bullshit now?" You yelled out, eyes scanning over their faces as the elevator let you know it was on the floor. Ted got out and you knew he was there for you.

"We never should have hired you," Jimin laughed as he looked at you, everyone on that floor began to come out of their rooms to get a look at what was happening as if it was something happening on their TV show instead of right in front of them,

"We never should have hired a stupid girl who no one else wanted, someone who ruins everything that she touches!" You stiffened up your back as you heard him, Ted touched your upper arm but you moved away from him walking yourself into the elevator as you shook your head.

"You guys act like you're so sweet and yet you're toxic to the one person who's only ever always been there for you." You mumbled, hitting the bottom floor button before the doors shut, leaving them behind as you sunk down onto the floor crying at the thought of them hating you forever.

"Do you think we were too harsh?" Hoseok whispered as he sat in the dorms later that night with Jungkook and Taehyung, all three of them were regretting what they had said while the others stayed in their rooms not speaking with one another.

"No, I mean...There was no one else it could have been, she didn't have to lie to us," Taehyung grumbled as he poked at his food with his chopsticks, he'd lost his appetite all day being worried about what you were going through back at the apartment you were staying in.

"Well, I mean not really...It could have been any one of the girls we're dating..." Jungkook whispered as he looked over at Hoseok who sighed to himself, none of them had thought it through before accusing you of being the one to leak information.

"Why would they though?" Taehyung frowned, he knew his girlfriend would never do something that could potentially ruin their relationship.

"Why would who, do what?" Namjoon questioned hearing the end of their conversation,

"Jungkook thinks one of our girlfriends could have been the one to leak the information but why would they? I mean, unless it was out of spite but I don't think they would," Hoseok explained, thinking back to his girlfriend and shaking his head, he knew she would never betray his trust that way but Namjoon's face seemed to turn pale and it looked as though he was beginning to sweat.

"Namjoon?" Jungkook questioned, confused as to why the leader looked as though he'd just seen a ghost roaming around the halls of the dorms.

"I mean- What if it was one of our girlfriends...I- Me and Jessi had a fight last night and we broke up...She knows everything Y/n knows and more...She never liked Y/n either so she would do it to spite us all..." The room suddenly fell cold even though it was a heatwave and the boys all panicked, darting for their phones to try and contact you while Namjoon tried to piece everything together and think of a way to get it out of his ex that she did or did not do it.

Getting it out of Jessi wasn't easy but after HYBE ordered a warrant to go through her internet histories finding everything came from her IP address, including multiple email accounts created under your name and address the boys instantly tried to get into contact with you but you had blocked their numbers wanting nothing more to do with people who thought that you were lying to them.

"I bought a coffee, to make up for things," Jungkook said as you walked out of your apartment to find him standing there staring at you. HYBE had allowed you to stay in the apartment until you found another place to live and the boys had been sending over non-stop gifts to try and say sorry to you, this was the first time you'd seen any of them face to face since it happened.

"You think a coffee, some flowers and a huge 'I'm Beary sorry' teddy bear are going to make up for it?" You scoffed, pulling the strap of your bag over your shoulder, making your way towards the building's main elevator where the rest of the boys were waiting. They knew there was nothing they could do, say or give to you that would even begin to make up for what they said and did to you. Embarrassing you in front of everyone that was in that hallway that day, yelling at you, accusing you of something you'd never done in your life.

"No, but it's a way of us saying sorry and starting to mend what we broke," Jungkook whispered, Jimin glanced up at you as you looked over each of them. It was obvious how sorry they all were but if you forgave them so easily who was to say that they wouldn't do it all over again? You didn't want them to use you like you were some kind of mug.

"Will you think about it?" Namjoon questioned as you got into the elevator without saying anything to them but you had no idea what to say, it was hard. After eight years you thought they trusted you as much as you trusted them but clearly, you were wrong about that fact.

"I guess...But it hurt, knowing that after all these years you didn't believe me." You looked up at them as they all looked down at the ground apologetically.

"We're sorry," They each said as the doors shut, leaving you alone with your thoughts and your vibrating phone. Sejin had been trying to get in contact with you since he found out it was all Jessi, he wanted to get you to come back to your job and apologise for what had happened but you ignored his calls and voicemails. You just needed some time and space to think everything over, things would never go back to the way they were. You'd never be able to be as close with the boys as you once were but it was worth a shot. Right?

The last few weeks consisted of sneaking into the HYBE building without the members knowing, signing all new contracts to work with a different team and group as well as trying to mend your business relationship with Sejin. Since you felt betrayed by him and the boys you no longer wanted to work under them but that didn't mean you couldn't be friends and still work for the company. After eight years you decided you weren't just going to throw it all away for nothing.

"You're here?" Jimin questioned as he walked into one of the lounge area's in the building to see you standing with JR from NU'EST, he was talking to you about something he wanted brought to him.

"I am, I'm working though so if you want something you'll have to walk and talk," Jimin frowned as he followed you out into the hallway, following you around as you headed towards the canteen to get a coffee.

"You're working for NU'EST now?" He questioned, watching you closely as you nodded your head, turning to look up at him with a weak smile.

"This was the only way I could think of saving a friendship...I couldn't work for you or Sejin again so I'm with NU'EST...I'll see you around and we can develop our friendships again," He knew that you were coming from a good place and it was nice to know you were willing to work on your friendships with them but he couldn't help but feel hurt by you choosing to sign with a different band after everything you'd done with them.

"Jimin...This was the only way I could come back to work," You whispered as he nodded at you, following you back up to the lounge and he told all of the boys what was happening.

Days at the company turned into weeks which turned into months of you working for the new group, working alongside them while working on your friendship with the NU'EST members as well as the BTS boys again, wanting nothing more than your friendship to be as strong as it once was and it was back at that point. You felt as though you could trust them and get along with them better,

"It feels good to have you back," Jungkook said as he handed you a plate of food, all eight of you were at the dorms eating take-out and watching some bad movie that Hoseok had picked out. It was your monthly movie night that you used to have together, it was nice to know that everything was clicking back into place and you were developing growth with them.

"I CALLED IT!" Yoongi yelled as the two side characters began to make out in the forest before being killed by the movie killer, it was a tradition between you all to make bets on movie cliche's that would be used within the movies.

"It was so obvious," You mumbled putting the money you owed him into his hand before stealing one of the spring rolls from his plate and eating it happily. It was safe to say everything was back to the way it should have been in the first place, the way things were happy. You felt as though you were back home safe and sound.

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @kneel-begyourpardon @taestannie @innersooya @sw33tnight @jin-from-the-block @acciocriativity @mwitsmejk

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biaswreckingfics · 4 years

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Transcendent

Pairing: Kang Yeosang x Reader

Genre: Soulmate!AU, Angst, Fluffy ending

Word Count: 9.5k

Summary: You are born with the first words you ever hear your soulmate say permanently marked on your arm, but what happens when your soulmate turns out to be your best friend’s boyfriend and neither of them are willing to end the relationship? Find out in Transcendent.

Soulmates.

The concept of soulmates was kind of funny to you.

The idea that there was one person out there for everyone on a planet filled with billions of people, and you were somehow supposed to find them during a short human lifespan, was wild.

Of course, some people believed in fate and thought that the universe would pull the two souls in the right direction so they could find each other. You didn't know if you believed in that, but something was out there making it happen because you had seen soulmates finding each other with your own eyes.

It was a weird sight to witness. They would be standing there talking to someone or quietly walking by themselves when they would just stop like they were frozen in time. A slow turn would come to reveal their other half and the change that overcame the two individuals was undeniable.

It was ineffable.

There wasn't a physical change that you could see with your eyes, but something shifts within each person, and you always wondered what that was like.

You had always wondered what it would be like to find the one who was meant for you. The one who would be your other half. You didn't want to be one of those people who gushed over their soulmates and constantly talked about the day you would meet them, but your friends knew how badly you wanted to meet your soulmate.

They would catch you running your fingers over the light tattoo on your inner forearm that everyone was born with in curiosity, but you didn't want to make too much of a big deal about it. They knew a part of you yearned to meet the person who would understand you like no one else, and they all wanted that for you.

That didn't mean all of your friends were on the same page as you. Sure, there were some who were, but others wanted to live in the "now", and of course, you didn't blame them.

Nobody knew when they would meet their soulmate, and you understood them wanting to find happiness with another partner in the present, instead of waiting for the future. You had also dated around here and there, but it had never felt right to you. It always felt bland and less colorful than you had hoped.

Your best friend was one of those people who wanted to live in the "now". The ones who hopped into relationships knowing their soulmate was out there probably searching for them without a care.

She had been in five different relationships over the years that you would consider to be somewhat serious, but you were always the first to know and she would share every little nauseating detail with you. That's why you were shocked when she called you to gush about her new boyfriend of a month.

How had she managed to go an entire month without telling you about this mysterious man she was falling for? Where did she even meet him, and why did she wait so long to tell you about it?

"I know he's not my soulmate, Y/N, but he's... perfect."

You quietly sit there and take in Mijung's words in slight disbelief. The two of you have been best friends for well over a decade, and you knew that while Mijung liked to jump into new things, she tended to get over them relatively quickly. It was stunning how much she seemed to be into this guy.

"How come I'm just now hearing about him?" You ask curiously.

Mijung is silent for a good minute and you wonder if she even plans on answering you. "I knew you wouldn't completely agree with our relationship... especially when I tell you how different this one seems..."

The seriousness of her tone catches you off guard. You have never heard Mijung this serious about a guy, and you had to admit, a small part of you was starting to get worried. If they cared about each other this much already... What will they do when they meet their soulmates?

"What's different about this one?"

Mijung takes a deep breath like she's preparing to launch into all the reasons he's so much better than the rest. "At first, we were just having fun. Nothing too serious because we knew we weren't each other's soulmates... but then it just naturally grew into something more. Maybe it's all in my head, but I feel some type of pull towards him, and I know it's quick, but I love him."

Your mouth drops open in shock at her admission, but before you can fully process what she's telling you, she continues to drop another bomb on you.

"What if there has been some type of mistake? What if we were supposed to be soulmates instead?"

You pull your phone away from your ear to check that you are really talking to your best friend. When you do in fact see her contact ID, you bring it back to your ear in confusion. You've never heard your friend talk like this. Ever.

"Mijung... That's never happened before. You know there are no mistakes when it comes to the soulmate tattoo."

"I know, but - "

"Mijung." You unapologetically cut her off.

She sighs loudly in your ear before relenting. "I know... I know the tattoo is never wrong, and I know we're not soulmates... I just wish we were."

"What are you going to do when one of you finds your soulmate?"

Her silence on the other end lets you know you're not going to like whatever she has to say. Whenever Mijung is silent, you know it's because she doesn't want to admit something to you.

"We want to be together. No matter what." She finally says with determination. "If one of us happens to find our soulmate... It's not going to change anything."

You blink a few times, taking in what she's telling you. Now it all made sense why she was hesitant to say anything. She knew you wouldn't agree with ignoring your soulmate when you found them. That wasn't how society worked.

Everyone waits for the day they meet their soulmate. The day colors seem more vibrant and sounds seem more celestial. The day everything in your world clicks into place... and they were just willing to ignore it? To let both of their soulmates go on without them because they thought they wanted to be together instead?

"So, you're just going to say, 'screw your soulmates'?"

She sighs heavily. "Look, I know you're excited to meet your soulmate, but I'm happy with Yeosang. We're happy, and we want to stay together."

When you stay silent, she lets out yet another sigh. "Please, don't be mad at me..."

"I'm not mad at you. You're both grown adults and you can do whatever you want. I don't agree with it, but I can't do anything to stop it, either, so..." You trail off, not sure what else to say at this point.

"Fair enough... but... how would you feel about meeting him?"

"Excuse me?"

"Please, Y/N." Mijung pleads. "I really want the two of you to meet! I know you'll both get along really, really well."

The excitement and happiness in her voice makes you feel slightly guilty for mentally shitting on their relationship. If your best friend was happy... that was really all you could ask for.

As you agree to meet him, your eyes fall to the tattoo on your forearm. The words that you knew by heart staring back at you in a slightly lighter shade than your skin tone.

Once you hang up with Mijung, you lightly run your fingers over the words like you've been itching to do ever since you started talking about soulmates. The familiar phrase bringing a small smile to your face like it always does.

“It's freaking gray, you dolt.”

You had always wondered what type of conversation spurs those words on, and a twinge of excitement fills you when you think about the day you'll actually find out. The day you'll finally hear the first words of your soulmate.

You try not to get too lost in your imagination, and honestly, it's pretty easy to pull yourself out of it when you think about what Mijung had told you. Would the couple really say, "screw their soulmates" and stay together? Well... you guess you were just going to have to wait and see. Hopefully, for the sake of their soulmates... you never find out.

A few days later, Mijung is hosting a small get-together so her and Yeosang's friends could meet, and so you could finally meet the mystery man himself. She swore only a few people would be there besides you. Thankfully, your other best friend Yunho was going to be there, which was going to help calm your nerves and make you feel less anxious. Especially since Mijung warned you that Yeosang's friends could be a handful.

As soon as you woke up this morning, something felt different. You couldn't place your finger on it, but you knew, without a doubt, something was going to happen today. You just hoped it was something good.

With that in mind, you decide to dress up a little nicer today instead of your normal hoodie and yoga pants. You put on a cozy beige sweater and a pair of flattering skinny jeans that tucked into your brown booties perfectly. You spruced your hair up just enough that it looked like you actually attempted to make it look nice, but not enough that you looked like you were trying too hard. Adding a dainty gold necklace to complete the look, you were satisfied with what you saw in the mirror and quickly headed over to Mijung's.

Once you walk into her apartment, without feeling the need to knock since you were there almost as much as you were at home, you can hear booming laughter coming from the kitchen. You quietly close the door and take a moment to gather yourself before entering what already sounded like chaos.

The first person you spot when you round the corner is your tall, brown-haired, best friend Yunho. He notices you at almost the same exact moment and his eyes immediately light up while a giant smile grows on his face.

"Y/N!"

He strides over to you in two steps thanks to his long legs and pulls you into a tight hug. You welcome the hug from the giant puppy and feel some of your anxiety immediately disappear. If there was one thing Yunho was good at, it was making you feel safe and comforted.

"Hey, Yunho."

"Well... I don't have Yunho's name on my arm." You hear someone sigh from behind him.

A muttered “me either” has you pulling away from your friend and peeking around him. He moves out of the way and turns toward the two strangers in the kitchen with him.

Your eyes immediately fall on two ridiculously attractive black-haired males. One with full lips and a more hawkish nose and the other with small eyes and sharp cheekbones. When the latter smiles, two dimples appear on his cheeks, making him look younger than he did two seconds ago.

"Y/N, this is Wooyoung and San, Yeosang's friends." Yunho introduces you.

"Hi, I'm not your soulmate." The one who Yunho gestured was Wooyoung says.

The other one, San, side-eyes his friend before coming over to you and shaking your hand. "I'm also not your soulmate, but I'll at least be nice about it. My name is San."

"What did I say that was mean?" Wooyoung loudly asks.

As the two discuss what would and wouldn't be considered rude for a greeting at top volume, you glance over at Yunho in question. He nods his head, answering your unasked question.

"They've been like this since I got here."

Before you can respond, you hear Mijung ask the two bickering boys, "Why are you two like this?"

She enters the kitchen with the question and looks over at Yunho in exasperation. When she notices you, she lets out a high-pitched squeal that causes the two dark-haired boys to fall silent.

"You're here!" She happily says while bouncing over to give you a quick hug. "Let me go grab Yeosang real quick, so you can finally meet him!"

As she rushes out of the kitchen, you turn to Yunho and say, "She says so I can finally meet him like I didn't just learn of his existence a few days ago."

Yunho nods in agreement. "She just told me a week ago too."

Your head snaps up to the taller man in disbelief. "She told you first?"

A sheepish expression crosses his face as you mull over his words. You temporarily forget the other two are even there until San gets your attention.

"Yeosang's really nice. You'll like him. Though, he is pretty quiet sometimes, so you might have to pull the conversation out of him."

Wooyoung nods along, adding, "Don't let him fool you, either. He's a savage and will attack when you least expect it."

You hum in thought. Mijung was quite talkative, so you were sure the two balanced each other out in that way.

"Have you guys known him long?" Yunho asks.

"He's been my best friend for years. I probably know him better than anyone else." Wooyoung proudly tells the two of you.

You couldn't help but ask their opinions on your friend's apparent whirlwind romance. "What do you think about their relationship?"

Wooyoung shrugs his shoulders. "If they haven't found their soulmates yet, who cares?"

San glances at the wall across from him for a couple seconds before his eyes come back to you. "I don't think it's right. Especially when they say they're going to stay together regardless of what happens."

Yunho's eyebrows furrow and you figure this is the first he's hearing about this. Before you can ask him what he thinks, Wooyoung scoffs, pulling your attention back to him.

"No one can ignore the soulmate bond. It's over for them as soon as they meet their other half."

The sound of voices coming down the hallway instantly catches your attention. You easily identify Mijung's voice, but the other voice is too deep for you to understand right away.

For some reason, you tense up, but you don't notice until Yunho gives you a weird look. That's also when you notice that you're suddenly holding your breath for some reason. What was wrong with you?

"Are you colorblind, Yeosang? That's blue." You hear Mijung argue.

The most beautiful laugh you’ve ever heard follows her words before you hear a deep voice that shakes you to your core.

"It's freaking gray, you dolt."

At that moment, your world stops. The sounds around you momentarily muffle before suddenly snapping back with a clarity. Their footsteps approaching you become louder and louder with each thud, and a sudden rightness settles into your bones as they get closer. Happiness floods you because you know, without a doubt, you just found your soulmate. Your other half. The person you'll have a connection with that transcends everything.

You feel Yunho bump into your arm and you look over at him in a daze, causing concern to grow on his face. His expression triggers something in your brain, and you're suddenly pulled from the moment when you realize what this means. You found your soulmate... and he was already claiming he never wanted to meet you. He didn't want to start a relationship with you because he wanted to continue being with your best friend, who was apparently in love with him.

With each step that comes closer to you, it gets harder to breathe. It feels like a hand is squeezing tighter and tighter around your throat, and your foggy brain beings to realize that you're panicking.

You had to get out of here. Now. You couldn't meet Yeosang because the second you spoke; the truth would be revealed. Not only would your best friend be devastated, but you would be outright rejected in front of everyone.

Your eyes flash back over to Yunho, who is quietly saying your name and asking if you are alright.

"I need to go."

Confusion flashes in Yunho's eyes. "What?"

"I have to leave." You repeat as you back away from him.

Even you can hear that your words sound desperate, and Yeosang's friends look over at you in confusion. You continue to back away from the three men who are watching you with either concern or like you were crazy.

A strong feeling tells you that Mijung and Yeosang are going to round the corner any second, so you turn and book it for her front door without a backward glance. You run away from her apartment like your life depends on it, and you don't stop until you're in the safety of your own.

Once you shut your apartment door, you lean back against it and try to take deep breaths to get some air back into your lungs. You thank everything in the universe that Mijung only lives five minutes away from you because you wouldn't have been able to go much farther.

You take a few more deep breaths to try to calm down, but you can feel yourself shaking. You don't know if you are shaking from adrenaline, shock, or fear, but you were sure it was a culmination of the three.

You had just found your soulmate. The only person in the world who is meant for you, but he is your best friend's boyfriend and she is apparently in love with him. Not to mention, he is willing to screw you over to be with her.

You feel your phone vibrating in your pocket and pull it out. You stare at your phone as you see Mijung's contact name blaring at you. There was no way you could talk to her right now. You didn't even know what the hell you would say to her in the first place. "Oh, hi. I'm sorry for just running out like that. By the way, your boyfriend is my soulmate. Isn't that crazy?" Yeah, right.

You hold your phone in your hand until it goes to voicemail and the tiniest sense of relief fills you. You unlock your phone with a sigh and see several missed calls from Mijung and a couple from Yunho… How would you explain any of this to her?

You toss your phone toward your couch and your eyes catch a glimpse of your soulmate mark. The words you had heard Yeosang say not even half an hour ago. The words you were once so excited to hear, but now cause your heart to stutter in panic.

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Over the next couple of weeks, Mijung tries a countless number of times to get you and Yeosang to meet, and every single time you came up with an excuse or a way to get out of it, just like the night you had found out he was your soulmate.

Once you had finally returned her multiple missed calls, you came up with the excuse that you had suddenly felt very nauseous and needed to leave. She thought it was a little odd but didn't question it too much.

That excuse could only work so many times, though, so you came up with many others like you had to work or your parents needed you for something, but you knew Mijung was suspicious of why you suddenly never had time. You knew your window of time was closing, and you would have to meet him eventually.

You wished you could say a part of you was surprised when Mijung ended up calling you out, but you knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Mijung wasn't the type of person to accept "no" as an answer, and certainly not as many times as you have said it. You were slightly surprised you got away with it as long as you had.

"I know you're avoiding meeting him, Y/N," she tells you through the phone. "So, you can stop giving me all of these excuses."

You can hear the irritation in her voice, and while a part of you feels bad, the other part of you doesn't. This wouldn't even be happening right now if her and Yeosang weren't being selfish and stubborn.

She sighs in your ear. "Is it because you don't agree that we should be together?"

"They're not excuses, Mijung," you lie through your teeth. "I've just been busy lately."

Her silence lets you immediately know she's not believing a word you say.

"Look, it's not like he's even met his stupid soulmate yet, anyway, so why does it bother you so much?"

Even though she didn't know it, her words were like a slap to the face, and you sat there in disbelief that your friend was behaving this way. You mentally scoff. His stupid soulmate was also her stupid best friend.

You take a deep breath before mumbling that you have to go and hang up the phone.

You knew you had two options. You could meet him and let the truth come out and bask in the awkwardness that will inevitably ensue... or you could stay away and willingly lose the friendship you had with Mijung.

You knew your friendship with Mijung was going to take a hit either way. She would either be hurt by the truth or she'd never forgive you for continuously avoiding meeting the person she was "in love with".

Both options had pros and cons, and there were things you needed to consider before you decided what you were going to do. If you decided to go and meet Yeosang, you would finally get to know what your soulmate looked like. You would finally know if he was short or tall, a manly man or a pretty boy, but you would also be rejected by the one person on this planet who was supposed to want to be with you.

The pro to the second option was avoiding hurting your friend while also avoiding the rejection they apparently were going to give you, but it also meant that you were willingly giving up your soulmate and your decade-long friendship with Mijung.

Neither option sounded appealing to you, and a part of you hated both of them for making you have to decide between a rock and a hard place. You didn’t want to give up your soulmate. You’ve been waiting for him nearly your entire life, but him wanting to ignore the bond was forcing you to make that decision anyway, and since rejection hurts a hell of a lot more than curiosity, you choose the latter.

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For the next few weeks, you spend most of your time with either Yunho or by yourself. Once Mijung realized you were doing your best to never meet Yeosang, she obviously grew upset. In her eyes, you were mad about what her and Yeosang were doing, and you never bothered to correct her. It would be far worse for her to find out he was your soulmate than for her to think you thought they were being stupid. Which they were so it wasn't like she was far off.

After the first week, she had thankfully given up on trying to get the two of you to meet and has spent the last couple of weeks avoiding you like you were her. Of course, it hurt. It hurt to treat your close friend like this and to have her treat you like this, but it hurt more knowing that your soulmate was so close to you, yet so far away. You could live with losing Mijung’s friendship, but you weren’t sure you could continue ignoring your soulmate and letting him keep living in their lie. However, besides blowing up their relationship, there was nothing you could do.

Unfortunately, it was all going to come to a head, and quicker than you would've liked.

It was like the universe was determined to make you and your soulmate meet. If it hadn't been Mijung trying to consistently get you to meet Yeosang, it was Yunho begging you to hang out with the three of them, so he wasn't third-wheeling. If it wasn't that, it was apparently the three of you running into each other on the street, and this time, there was no escaping the inevitable.

You had been searching for a birthday present for Yunho when you decided that you needed a coffee, or you were going to collapse on the sidewalk.

Although you may have been dramatic with that statement, something inside of you did start to feel weird, but you couldn't place it. Something... something was going to happen, and soon.

You push the feeling to the side as you approach the entrance of the coffee shop. Once you got your dose of caffeine, you would figure out what this feeling was, but you had zero hopes of doing it right now.

As you go to reach for the handle, the door of the coffee shop pushes open toward you, and you quickly back away to avoid impact.

"Oh my god. I'm so sor... Y/N?"

Your body freezes once you place the voice, and your eyes slowly trail up and meet Mijung's. You open your mouth to say something, but quickly snap it shut once you take in the quiet presence next to her.

Your body and mind scream at you to look at the person next to her. To look at the man you had no doubt was Yeosang, and you try to fight it, but quickly realize there's no hope in fighting the inevitable. Slowly, you look over to the right and try to stop the gasp that leaves you.

Standing before you was a prince. There was no other way to describe him. He was ethereal, otherworldly. His skin was perfection. There wasn't a mark on it besides what looked to be a birthmark near his left eye that made him no less attractive. In fact, it added an allure to him that intrigued you beyond words. His pouty lips complimented his round cheeks in a way that made him seem softer, more delicate.

You meet his brown eyes as they stare at you curiously before you notice his brow furrow in confusion. A weird look crosses his face and that's when you know he can feel the pull because you can feel it too. It was like every fiber of your being wanted you closer to him, wanted you to unite with him.

You shake your head when you hear an "excuse me" and realize the three of you are still blocking the entrance to the coffee shop. You move away and back onto the sidewalk and the couple follows you, much to your dismay. You take in the look on Mijung's face and mentally prepare yourself for what was to come. She knew this was the perfect opportunity for the two of you to finally meet.

"Y/N! I'm so glad we ran into you. I've been dying for you to meet Yeosang!" She says with a spark in her eyes that you can't interpret.

You glance over at him and he offers you a tight-lipped smile. "Hello."

Your eyes fall closed at this voice. It was deliciously deep and may be the most calming thing you've ever heard.

When you realize what you're doing, you snap your eyes open and offer him a small smile and nod. You were determined to not say anything. The last thing you wanted was to cause a scene in the middle of freaking town.

Mijung notices your lack of voice and you can see her frustration build, but you had to remind yourself that you were doing this for her. For both of you. The more you were in Yeosang's presence, though, the less you cared about their relationship.

Why were you so willing to let your soulmate go? Why didn't you deserve a little happiness for once?

Before Mijung can call you out on your behavior, the door to the coffee shop flies open and a group of teens come out, snagging your attention for a moment. You notice the one who opened the door with his back continue to walk backward, but you think nothing of it until he slams right into you.

He spins around in surprise at the collision and spills his warm coffee right onto you. You hear Mijung and Yeosang gasp, while you hiss in shock, expecting his coffee to be hot, but relax when you realize it's more lukewarm than anything. Thank god, because getting burned was not on your list of things to do today.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?" The teenage boy panics.

He grabs napkins from his friend’s hand and begins wiping at the sleeve of your shirt. You look down at what he's doing and see a growing brown stain covering your sleeve. You appreciate his effort, but it's way too late to save it.

"I'm so sorry for ruining your shirt! I'll buy you a new one, I promise!" The boy shouts, still in full panic mode.

You grab his hands in an effort to calm him down, and to stop him from pulling at your shirt some more. You look him directly in the eyes and give him a small smile.

"It's an old shirt, anyway... and I'm okay, really."

"Are you sure? I'm so sorry..."

"Yes. I'm fine. It's not a big deal," you softly tell him.

The teenage boy looks at you like he's not sure if he should believe you before slowly nodding his head.

"I'm really sorry... again..." He tells you as he backs away from you. Realizing that's what got him into trouble the first time, he whips around and hurries after his friends.

You watch him go for a minute and sigh as you feel the liquid on your shirt become cold. Great. Now you were gonna have to... Your mind trails off as you begin to remember what was going on before the coffee incident. Shit...

You slowly turn to look at the couple next to you. Taking a deep breath, your eyes meet Yeosang's shocked ones as he searches your face in wonder.

"You're my soulmate..."

"Yeah..." you softly say.

A noise comes from next to you that snags both of your attention. You look over at Mijung, who was completely frozen beside Yeosang. Heartbreak and pain are clearly etched on her features as she takes in what's happening.

Yeosang looks between the two of you, confusion and sadness crossing his face as he tries to figure out what to do. You remember what Mijung had said when she was telling you about Yeosang. How he apparently didn't care if he found his soulmate and that he wanted to be with her.

A part of you wondered if that would change now that he met you. The soulmate bond was intense and everything in you wanted, needed, to be near Yeosang. Would he really try to ignore the soulmate bond? Did he still want to?

"You're his... That's why you've been ignoring me..."

"Mijung... I'm so sorry..."

"Are you?" She roughly asks while her eyes flash with anger. "You thought we were stupid for ignoring the soulmate bond. You probably think this is what I deserve, don't you?"

Your head jerks back like you've been slapped. "What the hell are you talking about? It's not like I planned this.

"Whatever," she spits before turning and nearly running the opposite way.

Yeosang continues to stand there for a moment, not knowing what to do. His eyes flit between you and Mijung's retreating figure. You see the longing in his gaze, but don't know who it's for.

His eyes fall close, and he takes a deep breath. When he opens them again, he looks back at you.

"I'm sorry..."

Your heart stutters at those words, and you know exactly why he's saying them. He was going after Mijung. He was going to stay with her.

It feels like your heart cracks as Yeosang turns away from you. With each step he takes, it feels like it gets harder to breathe. A part of you likes to think that his slow movements are because he's feeling everything that you do, but you have no way to know for sure. You silently stand there alone as you watch the one person who's supposed to love you walk away.

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The next couple of weeks pass by in a blur. You fall into a boring, consistent routine of work and home. The only other time you bothered to leave the house was to see Yunho or get groceries.

Life felt like it lost its sparkle ever since your soulmate left you, and it was easy to find yourself staring off into space for long amounts of time. You, also, often found yourself feeling anxious and even a little bit twitchy. Your body knew something wasn't right, and it didn't know what to do about it.

The first week was the hardest. The rejection was still fresh and the knowledge that your soulmate and best friend were together when they knew the truth, was like a slice to the chest.

Avoiding them was easy because they avoided you just as much. It was like they were pretending what they found out didn't happen. They were continuing to live in their fantasy world.

When you got a phone call from Mijung the following week, you were surprised. You weren't ready to talk to her. You didn't want to hear her apologies or excuses, so you ignored it, and the dozens of calls after that. You couldn't really be mad at Mijung for fighting for what she wanted, but that didn't mean you were ready to face her and go back to being normal again.

Yunho respected your thoughts and feelings and didn't try to force you to forgive her, especially when he found out the real reason behind your actions, which you were thankful for. To say he was shocked that Yeosang was your soulmate was an understatement, and he was just as upset with Mijung’s actions as you were.

However, Yunho was always quicker to forgive people than you were. He went back to hanging out with Mijung and Yeosang fairly quickly, and when he asked if you had talked to your soulmate, you were confused. How would you have talked to him? Why would he want to talk to you?

That was the part that hurt the most. Yeosang knew who you were, and he didn't want to do anything about it. He wanted to live in the fantasy world he and Mijung had created, and as much as you wanted to pretend you were okay with it, you weren't.

What would even happen when he and Mijung broke up? Did he think he could come crawling back to you? Finally give his soulmate a chance? You didn't want to be a second choice for anyone, especially your soulmate. No fucking way.

Also, how could you be with someone who was in love with someone else? Your best friend at that? How could you be intimate with someone who had been intimate with your best friend? Who had chosen her? Could you compete with that? With what they had? Did you even want to?

Not to mention, how could the three of you ever be in the same room together? Whether Yeosang was with her or with you? The awkwardness, guilt, and pain the three of you would feel was something you wanted to physically crawl away and hide from.

You pull yourself away from the horrifying and self-deprecating thoughts that were trying to penetrate your mind and look down at your phone with a sigh. Before you could even finish the thought about Yunho being late, the tall man rushes into the coffee shop, his eyes searching for you. Once he spots you, he books it for your table with an apologetic smile.

"I'm so sorry I'm late."

You regard him like you're annoyed, but you really aren't. "I'll forgive you if you buy me a muffin."

"Consider it done," he says, smirking at your ploy to get free food.

You silently watch as he gets up to order himself a coffee and you an apology muffin.

Yunho had asked you to go get coffee with him today because he had something he wanted to talk about with you. You weren't stupid. You knew he wanted to talk to you about Mijung, and his sudden request for a coffee date instead of hanging out at one of your apartments like you usually did, clued you in on it. Especially, when you knew he had hung out with Mijung yesterday.

For the next 30 minutes, you're able to avoid the topics of Mijung, Yeosang, and soulmates all together, but you know Yunho isn't letting you leave this coffee shop until he talks about whatever he wants to talk about.

"They broke up."

You pause with your coffee halfway up to your mouth as you process his words. He takes your actions as an encouragement to continue.

"They tried to make it work for a couple days, but neither of them could move past what happened... That's why Mijung has been calling you."

You clear your throat and put your cup back on the table. What were you supposed to say? That sucks? You're sorry they didn't work out? Because you weren't. Actually... you didn't know what you were.

"I don't really... know what you want me to say?"

Yunho sighs, "Mijung feels really guilty. She knew that you wanted to be with your soulmate... and she knew she was in the way of that..."

"So, she broke up with him?"

Yunho shakes his head no. "It was mutual. She felt guilty and Yeosang... well, Yeosang felt the change. I guess when they say something clicks into place, they're right... Yeosang wants to be with you, or at least get to know you..."

He pauses to take in your reaction, but you offer him nothing. However, he does sigh when he sees your cautious gaze. "I'm not trying to tell you what you should do here, but... he's your soulmate, Y/N. I know you, and I know you're not going to avoid your soulmate for the rest of your life."

You pick your cup back up and bring it to your lips as you avoid Yunho's eyes. He was right. You wanted that soulmate bond, and now that Mijung was out of the way, you could have it, but it still didn't sit right with you.

Once the lukewarm liquid goes down your throat, you ask, "What do you think I should do?"

"Talk to them," Yunho says without hesitation.

You sigh, "I don't know if I'm quite ready to talk to Mijung... and I don't even know how to reach Yeosang."

Yunho tilts his head as an odd look crosses his face. "Yeosang says he's tried calling you quite a few times."

Your brows furrow in confusion before it clicks into place. You had been getting calls from a number you didn't recognize, but you kept ignoring them because you didn't answer calls from unknown numbers. It had been Yeosang calling you this whole time? Why wouldn’t he leave a voicemail or send a text when you continuously didn't answer?

You ponder over what to do the entire trip home. Should you call Yeosang? Wait until he calls you again? What are you going to do about Mijung? You had almost left your coffee date with Yunho with more questions than you originally had, and now you were more frustrated than ever.

You continue to process everything you had learned as you trek up to your apartment. They had tried to make it work... Tried to be together knowing who you were... Mijung knew how much you wanted to be with your soulmate, and Yeosang felt the same things you did when he figured out who you were, but Mijung...

Mijung was standing right in front of you.

You pause in the middle of the hallway and eye Mijung while she stands next to your apartment door. The thought of making a quick escape and avoiding her fleetingly crosses your mind, but the option is quickly taken from you when Mijung's eyes spot you.

"Hey..." She starts, taking a step toward you before stopping.

You take in her twiddling fingers and anxious gaze. She's nervous to talk to you. She's scared you're going to freak out on her or slam the door in her face.

You take a step toward her, and then another until you're outside of your apartment door. Mijung bites her lip as she watches you, but you ignore her and open your door. You don't take a step inside, though. Instead, you wave your hand into your apartment as an "after you" gesture.

Mijung takes the hint, but before she steps all the way into your apartment, she pauses and turns to you. When she throws her arms around you in an awkward hug, you freeze, not expecting it.

"I'm so sorry..."

You bring your hand up and awkwardly pat her back. "Let's get into the apartment before we talk. My neighbors are nosey, and I don't want them to know what's going on."

Mijung nods and pulls away from you. Once you're free from her limbs, you shut your apartment door and walk towards your couch, knowing Mijung will follow you.

When you're both sitting down, Mijung immediately turns to you and picks up from where she left off. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have tried to continue a relationship with him after finding out you are his soulmate. That was such a shitty thing to do. I know how excited you were to be with your soulmate... but I just loved him. I didn't want to give him up… I was being selfish."

You slowly take in her words. "Believe me... Nobody expected this to happen."

She gives you a sad smile and the two of you fall into silence. You're not surprised when she breaks it because you didn't have much to say at the moment.

"You should call him."

You snap your head to look over at her. "What?"

"Y/N, he's your soulmate. You should be with him," she tells you through misty eyes. "He's a good guy and he deserves to be happy, and you're the one person on this planet that will make him happy. That will complete him."

Surprise floods you at her words. "But what about you?"

She looks away and sighs. "I'll meet my soulmate one day... Who knows? It could even happen tomorrow. Life is odd like that."

You give Mijung a confused look and wonder who the heck this person next to you is. Mijung wasn't wistful like this. She wasn't one to dream about her soulmate.

She looks over and catches the expression on your face, which causes her to laugh. "I know. Who am I? ...Things were great with Yeosang, and if being with your soulmate is even better? Then I want that. For both of us."

"Yeosang wanted to be with you, though... He knew who I was, and he still left with you," you quietly admit part of your fears.

A guilty look crosses her face. "That was... my fault... He didn't want me to be upset, and I was so bound and determined to say, 'screw soulmates', I don't think he even knew what to do. That's why he followed me..."

She pauses like she's working up the nerve to admit to something, and when she finally does, a sick feeling grows in the pit of your stomach.

"Yeosang wasn't the one who wanted to ignore our soulmates... That was all me, and I kept trying to push him into wanting the same thing as I did, but I knew that was over the second he saw you... He stayed with me for those couple of days because I begged him to... but he was different. I think he tried to hide how he was really feeling from me, but it was obvious he didn't want to be there anymore. He was mentally checked out. Distracted, distant, and overall, just sad. When he sat me down to talk, I knew what it was about. He wanted to pursue something with you. He couldn't be with me anymore."

So many thoughts swirled through your head, you didn’t know which one to focus on.

This entire time, you were under the impression that Yeosang didn’t want to be with his soulmate. That he wanted to be with Mijung, and he didn’t care if he met his soulmate or not… but that was all Mijung? It was Mijung’s idea to ignore soulmates? Did he even say those things or was it all just Mijung’s wishful thinking?

Also, they were only together for a couple of days? She begged him to stay with her? A part of you was so mad at Mijung. That she purposely ruined this for you and convinced your soulmate to stay with her. How could she do this to you? To Yeosang?

Then again, another part of you was elated. Yeosang wants to be with you. He’s always wanted to be with his soulmate. He’s even tried contacting you multiple times. He hadn’t really rejected you…

“Yeosang wanted to be with his soulmate?” You ask for clarification. When she meekly nods, you continue. “It was you alone saying, ‘screw soulmates’?”

“Yes… and it was me who tried to continue the relationship afterward. Yeosang’s just too good of a guy to kick me to the curb.”

You hum in thought because what are you supposed to say? If you let your true thoughts and feelings out right now, you might end up smacking Mijung for pulling something so disgusting. For trying to keep soulmates from coming together when they’re two people she claims to “love”.

“Y/N… he’s your soulmate… He wants to be with you, not me, and he always has. Plus, there’s a reason the universe wants the two of you together… so you should call him and meet up.”

Your head was extra fuzzy now as Mijung suggests you call Yeosang again. She had just dumped a shit ton of information on you and it was a lot to process. You were gonna need a clear head before you talk to him about any of this.

While you are trying to work through your inner turmoil, you don’t notice Mijung reaching for your phone until it’s too late. You look up in confusion as she jumps up from your couch. Her head is down as she furiously types something on what you come to realize is your phone.

Before you can jump up and snatch it back, she drops it into your lap with a smile. “This is just the start of me trying to make up for what I did.”

You watch in complete confusion as she makes a beeline for your door before looking down at your phone to see what she did. When you see that the call screen is up and your phone is currently in the process of calling someone, you panic.

You recognize that number. You’ve had multiple missed calls from that number the past couple of weeks.

A deep voice answers the phone and suddenly you forget how to breathe.

“Hello?”

You open your mouth to say something, but absolutely nothing comes out. You can hear Yeosang’s soft breaths as he waits for you to say something, but you can’t make yourself do it.

“Y/N?”

Your eyes fall closed as he softly says your name. You had never heard it sound more beautiful than in that moment. It was almost like a caress. You force your eyes open and take a deep breath. You had to say something before he hung up.

“Hey, Yeosang…”

It’s quiet for a moment before you hear, “It’s really good to hear your voice…”

“Yours too…” You let out a soft laugh. “This is awkward, isn’t it?”

“Only if we let it be.”

The slight determination in his voice eases your anxiety. He was right. It was only going to be awkward if you made it that way. You take another breath.

“Would you like to meet up somewhere?”

“Yes,” he replies without hesitation, almost before you can finish asking.

You hold back the laugh that wants to come out and suggest meeting at a park close to the coffee shop that you met at. Once Yeosang agrees, you hang up and feel the butterflies in your stomach start to crawl up your throat.

You are really going to do it. You’re going to meet up with your soulmate, and this time you don’t have to worry about anyone else, but the two of you.

You look down at the clothes you wore on your coffee date with Yunho and immediately get up to change. You quickly throw on a pair of your softest blue jeans and an off-the-shoulder long sleeve shirt. It was a comfy, casual look, and you didn’t look like a slob so that was good. Plus, the only other time he’s seen you, you had coffee all over your shirt, so this was a vast improvement.

You run your fingers through your hair to make it seem a little more put together and throw on some Chapstick before running for the door. The two of you decided to meet up right away, so you only had a few minutes to make yourself presentable, and this would have to do.

As you walk up to the park, your anxiety doubles and you let your thoughts consume you. Was this gonna be awkward? What were you going to say? What was he going to say?

When you step onto the path that leads into the park, it’s almost like your body knows exactly where to go before your mind does. You find yourself making a beeline for the bench that sat next to a beautiful stone fountain, and when you get there, you’re not surprised to see Yeosang already there waiting. A part of you knew he would be.

When you step up next to the bench, Yeosang turns to look at the sound and shoots up from his seat when he sees you, his eyes lighting up in excitement. A shy smile graces his face and you know a matching one is present on yours.

“You made it.” He happily says as he gestures for you to sit on the bench.

“I invited you here… Of course, I was gonna make it.” You softly laugh as you take a seat.

“Right…” he bites his lip for a moment as he settles back into his spot, “but it’s just nice to see you again.”

His eyes scan you from head-to-toe like he’s taking you in for the first time, and maybe he is. Considering how hectic it was the first time you met.

You meet his gaze and, as stupid as it sounds, the world stops. For one moment, you don’t hear the rustle of the trees, you don’t see the splashing of the fountain, you don’t feel the cold stone you sit on, all there is, is Yeosang and you. Suddenly, it’s like everything clicks into place, and that rightness you felt before settles deep into your chest. This is where you’re supposed to be. This is your person for the rest of your existence.

“Do you feel that?” He quietly asks in awe.

You almost couldn’t speak. It was like words evaded your mind and ceased to exist, but you somehow grasp onto some and are able to form a coherent sentence.

“The connection…” you trail off, nodding. “I never thought it’d be like this…”

It consumed you, and you would be content never existing outside of this moment again… but all too quickly it was over. The trees rustled once more, the water continued to splash in the fountain, and the stone beneath you became solid again, but there was something new in the air. Something that wasn’t there before but would be there for the rest of your life.

Yeosang clears his throat and reaches for your hand like it’s the most natural thing in the world. His hands are soft, and his touch is light, but he’s suddenly become your anchor, keeping you grounded and safe.

“I can’t believe I was stupid enough to ignore the soulmate bond for even a second…” He says, his eyes searching yours. “I’m so sorry…”

You immediately shake your head. “You don’t have to apologize. I ignored it too… even longer than you did…”

You feel so stupid for letting him slip through your fingers for all that time. For letting this moment continuously get pushed further away from you. You should’ve never run out of the kitchen that day… You should’ve let the cards deal how they were supposed to, instead of trying to fight fate.

“I do have to apologize for walking away from you. Mijung could’ve waited. You’re more important.”

“Well… We can only go forward from here… so let’s forget about the past.” Yeosang hums in agreement. “Although, I will say this wasn’t how I thought I’d find my soulmate.”

He lets out a deep laugh. “Yeah, I couldn’t have predicted this at all.”

You fall into a serene silence, processing everything happening in the moment until Yeosang breaks it.

“I was so excited to meet you… Mijung had already talked you up a lot, and then when my friends told me about you, I almost couldn’t wait any longer.”

You pause, remembering when you met his two friends at Mijung’s… and how odd you acted before you ran out… What kind of impression did you leave on them?

“What did your friends say about me?”

An awkward expression graces his beautiful face. “Well… Wooyoung thought you were kind of weird… but San said you were super nice and that he thought you’d be cool. Once we figured out why you apparently ran out of the kitchen like it was on fire, San made Wooyoung take back his weird comment, which, of course, ended up with the two of them bickering.”

You stifle a laugh and try to figure out what about the scenario made Yeosang excited to meet you. You didn’t sound like anything especially great, and nice was something you said when you didn’t know how to describe somebody. You don’t let it bother you, though. You did act weird, so there was no other impression they could’ve had, but you weren’t worried. You’d change their minds in the future.

“How come you didn’t leave me any voicemails or texts? I would’ve responded a lot sooner if I knew it was you…”

“And say what?” He asks with a wry smile. “I’m sorry for leaving you standing there on the sidewalk in a coffee-stained shirt, can you call me back?”

You shake your head at him and try to fight the smile that wanted to permanently be on your face. “I would’ve answered to that…”

Yeosang bites his lip before smiling and nodding. “I’ll remember that for the future.”

His words fill the air with an almost crackling intensity. The future… What would the future hold for the two of you? Yeosang must’ve felt it too, because he turns his whole body to face you, bringing his leg up on the bench so he’s not awkwardly twisted, but still managing to maintain his grip on your hand.

“I know…” he starts before looking down at your entwined hands and playing with your fingers. “I know it’s gonna be awkward with Mijung… but I want to be with my soulmate… I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and not waste any more time.”

He stops playing with your fingers and looks up to intently search your gaze. He was right. Things were going to be awkward with Mijung, but you didn’t care. He was your soulmate and you wanted to be with him as badly as he wanted to be with you. The rest of it you could figure out together…

Because you’ve found your soulmate. The one being on this planet meant for you. The one who will always understand you and be by your side until your last day… and maybe even beyond that…

Because he was yours and you were his…

“I’d love that.”

Tagging: @to-all-the-stories-i-love, @skittlez-area512, @wanderingatiny

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alloftheimaginesblog · 3 years

Text

Life Without Colour (PART FIVE)

Soulmate AU: Your vision is in black and white until you meet your soulmate. You and your boyfriend, Steve Rogers, aren’t each others soulmates but you love each other. He introduces you to his friends, the Avengers, and a very odd thing happens.

Characters: Steve Rogers x Plus Size Female Reader, Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Female Reader

Note: ignore that i don’t even question bucky being able to get through security at the airport, i couldn’t think of how he would be able to get through the airport security bc of his metal arm so i’ve skipped that detail completely. i hope it doesn’t detract from the story!

this is nearly 6000 words!

Taglist: @domainoflostsouls forgetthisbull handon-h-art yourspecialcrush giulsgotmusic mrsbarnes-rogers luosymekawa linzeyzarcone forgetthisbull calamityreads talgra marina-darling btsforlif lamoursansfin classic1985 lovesicksofi fandomsfallnomore thebivirgin classygladiatorcupcake

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

PART FOUR

PART FIVE

PART SIX

Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to hours. You had long since stopped trying to figure out what state you were in and where you were headed. Bucky had been driving non-stop aside from two bathroom breaks at a small gas station in the middle of nowhere. You had stopped crying a long time ago, too drained and too tired to continue. You felt horrendous. You hated this, you absolutely hated this but you had no choice in the matter. The car had been silent for the whole way aside from the quiet chatter on the radio. Bucky hadn’t wanted to speak in fear of upsetting you further. He had been driving you out of state to go to an airport that would be a little harder to find. It had been Fury’s idea, to go to an airport that Hydra wouldn’t look for straight away. It gave you a little more time to get away without being watched.

You took a break from watching the blur of trees and roads to glance at the clock on the dashboard; 13:42. You hadn’t eaten yet, barely had anything to drink either and you knew that you weren’t far away from a dehydration migraine. As if on cue, your stomach rumbled loudly. Bucky, without speaking, reached behind his car seat and produced a rucksack and dumped it on your lap with a, “Here. There’s water and some snacks in there. We’ll get a proper meal when we’re at the airport.”

You dug through the bag, producing two bottles of water. You opened one and offered it to Bucky, he accepted with a nod, draining half before handing it back to you. You offered him a muffin but he shook his head. You dropped the bag to between your feet and began to have your water and muffin. It helped curb the hunger, at least for a while, and you felt a lot better once you had something in your stomach. After a while, you sank back into your seat with a yawn.

Bucky glanced over at you, “We’ve still got a few hours to drive, you can sleep if you want.” You looked at him and he gave you a small smile, “It’s okay. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

You thanked him quietly before closing your eyes. It didn’t take long before you fell asleep and your soft snores filled the car. Bucky looked at you for a couple of seconds, smiling to himself. Man, it’s gonna be a long few weeks.

It only felt like you’d closed your eyes for a few minutes when Bucky was saying your name, gently shaking your shoulder. Groggily, you opened your eyes to meet his blue eyes and it almost gave you a fright seeing them. Sometimes it still surprised you to see colour and especially when Bucky was around... colour seemed to be brighter and those deeper blue eyes seemed so bright in person.

“We’re here,” he said, pulling back quickly, not wanting to upset you by being too close. Bucky was very careful of boundaries, he always had been but especially after the Winter Soldier incidents. He knew what it felt like to not want to be touched or have your personal space invaded so he was always careful to not overstep.

“You’ve got the fake passports and stuff, don’t you?” You asked him, yawning and stretching in your seat.

He nodded and told you that they’re in his bag. In order to help the process of becoming anonymous, Fury had fake IDs and fake passports made for the two of you. They’d even gone so far as to create two new backstories for the pair of you just in case anyone ever questioned the pair of you. You and Bucky got out of the car, your legs ached from having sat in the car for hours upon hours. It was dark outside now, you didn’t know the time. Bucky grabbed the bags out of the car and handed you the two passports to hold. As you walked into the airport, you flicked to it. Miss Jane Smith and Mr John Smith. Two very common and obvious fake names but you hoped that it wouldn’t be picked up.

The check in process was much easier than you anticipated, the passports passed the ID checks and soon, the two of you were through security and heading for the food outlet. Bucky had told you to keep your head down for most of the time and to avoid direct eye contact with cameras. The airport was relatively quiet which was good in the sense you didn’t have to worry about people around you noticing Bucky. Bucky led you to a small café which was quiet and the two of you sat at the back. Everything was kind of passing in a blur and it only seemed like a few seconds until Bucky was back with your food.

You began to eat in silence and it was then you realised where you were going, “Estonia?” You asked quietly, making sure to not be overhead.

Bucky nodded as he took a bite of his burger, “Managed to find a secluded house, already furnished. The owner agreed to let us stay for a discounted price as well.”

“I’ve never been,” you shrugged, taking a bite of your food, “Where are we right now?”

“Pittsburg,” he said, glancing around the café to make sure no one was taking notice of the pair of you, “Steve thought it would be a good idea to leave from an airport a few hours away from New York. Hydra and Rumlow would check New York airports first once they realise you’re out of town.”

You smiled sadly as you looked down to your food. Leave it to Steve to think of everything. Bucky told you that the flight would be leaving in an hour and it would be a long ass flight but it was okay because you were exhausted and you could absolutely sleep for a good portion of the flight anyway.

You sighed, “When can I take this stupid disguise off? I’m so uncomfortable!”

Bucky studied you carefully, “When we’re in the safe house.”

“Do I look stupid? I feel stupid.”

“You look... different. Not bad just different,” he paused before speaking again, “I prefer you as you are though, without the wig, contacts and flashy clothes. I think you look much better when you’re being yourself.”

You didn’t know how to respond to that with anything other than a nod. It felt foreign and wrong to receive a compliment from him, even though it was a genuine, friendly compliment, it felt wrong. The two of you didn’t say much after that.

After eating, you and Bucky went to get some plane snacks. You grabbed some water and some treats, you also wandered to the book section and picked up a book. As you were walking to the books, you saw a little boy and girl pass wearing matching Captain America t-shirts. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched them pass. It seemed to hit you in that moment that this was real and this was truly happening.

“(y/n)?” Bucky asked appearing behind you.

You turned to him, “Sorry... I just can’t believe this is happening.”

Bucky nodded before gesturing to the check out, “Let’s get this all checked out and then hopefully we’ll be able to go to our departure gate.” He didn’t really know how to help you without overstepping or potentially upsetting you. He didn’t want you to get upset in public so he thought that he could keep you distracted and that would help ease your worries. It helped, having him there to guide you and distract you from possible sad thoughts helped a lot actually.

You found your airplane seats quick, the two of you were bang smack in the middle and you were both in a two seater section. Bucky let you go in first, saying that he preferred not to look out of the window when taking a flight. You sunk into it, keeping your head down and wrapping your arms around yourself to get warmer. As Bucky sat beside you, tapping his foot and his hand on the armrest impatiently, you looked at him curiously, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, “Just... not a big fan of flying.”

You pulled out the magazines which were in the pocket of the chair in front of you and handed him them, “I find that reading the safety procedures always helps. Also reading the magazine where you can just check out the meal deals and the perfume deals help a bit.”

Bucky took them off of you and began to flick through them. In the meantime, you closed your eyes. As the plane began to move, Bucky tensed beside you and you opened your eyes to look at him, his hands were clenched around the arms of the chair, jaw clenched too.

“Hey, show me that,” you said, sitting up straighter and pointing to the magazine. He looked at you and then handed it to you. Bucky had been helping you out by distracting you from being sad, the least you could do is distract him from being anxious. You leaned over, probably a little closer than you would’ve felt comfortable with in normal circumstances. Bucky stiffened as he smelled your perfume when you came closer. You took no notice of the closeness.

“Look at that!” You said, pointing to the menu that they were offering that night on the flight, “What would you have?” Bucky shrugged and you rolled your eyes, “C’mon. I’d have the chicken curry and the cheese and ham panini and then I would absolutely have the tiramisu afterwards. What about you?” You held it closer to him for him to study.

“Uh... I mean, I suppose the lasagne sounds nice. The breaded mushrooms too, I like those. Never had tiramisu but it sounds nice enough so I’d give that a go too.”

“No way,” you said shaking your head, “I would order the tiramisu and you would order the chocolate and raspberry mousse and we’d share them both.”

Bucky snorted slightly, “Sure thing, whatever you want.”

You flicked through more of the pages, “Ooooh,” you said noticing the deals on the perfumes, “I love airplane and airport deals. I only ever buy my perfume from duty free, honestly. No point in buying it full price anywhere else.”

“I still find it crazy that there’s a shop on an airplane.”

You nodded, “I mean, it’s pretty weird but I’m not complaining about the deals. Some of the stuff you can buy is so bizarre though. I was on this flight once, going on holiday with my family when I was younger, and they were selling t-shirts with a picture of the airplane we were in on them saying ‘I rode in this plane and all I got was this lousy t-shirt’.”

“That sounds like it’s a total dad shirt,” Bucky laughed slightly. He looked a lot younger when he smiled. He was always so stony and serious but when he smiled or laughed, it knocked years off him. He was already a handsome man but when he smiled, he was just... wow.

You burst out laughing as he said it, “My dad did buy it and he wore it so proudly!”

Bucky laughed with you, finding his nerves easing up as he spoke to you. He hadn’t had a chance to talk to you about anything other than the fact you were soulmates so it felt rather nice to talk to you on another level. It was still prettty strange but it was nice. Steve always told him that you were easy to get along with so he wasn’t too surprised. As you continued to chat, you gasped audibly when you came to the ‘collectibles and merchandise’ page, “There it is!”

“No way!” Bucky grinned as he looked down at the picture of the t-shirt exactly like the one you described, “Oh, god, it’s hideous.” The two of you lapsed into laughter again, talking and looking at it before Bucky happened to glance out of the window, “We’re in the air?”

You looked out, “Yeah, we took off about fifteen minutes ago actually.” Bucky breathed out an impressed laughter, “My distraction technique always works. Keep the mind occupied on something else like the ugliest t-shirts in the world.”

Bucky smiled, “Thank you and thanks to the ugliest t-shirt ever-” it was then that a man wearing the exact t-shirt you had been slating got up from the seat in front of you and shot you a dirty look as he walked past, “Oh, shit.” It was hard to keep your laughter in but somehow you both managed it.

As you calmed down, Bucky sighed, “No, really, thank you for that.”

You smiled as you handed him the magazines back and sunk back into your seat, “And now, I sleep.”

When you woke up a few hours later, you found yourself to be sitting alone with no Bucky Barnes in sight. You looked up to see a flight attendant coming down the aisle, “Excuse me,” you said with a smile, “do you know where the man sitting next to me went?”

She smiled, the same warm smile that every flight attendant has, “Yes, your husband is in the queue for the toilet, he should be back in a few minutes.”

You nodded, she went to leave when you caught her again, “Sorry, can you do me a favour?”

When Bucky came back, he was pleasantly surprised to see you sitting awake, smiling at him, “Good sleep?” You nodded, “Don’t worry, you didn’t snore... too loud.”

Your cheeks burned as he teased you, “Shove it, Barnes,” you scoffed, “I bought us a present.”

He frowned, “A present?”

You grinned as you held up two t-shirts, the exact same one that you both said was the ugliest shirt in the world, “No way!” He laughed, clapping his gloved hands together, “Oh my god, they’re worse in person.”

You laughed as you handed him his, “You’re so welcome. I will make us wear these at some point by the way, don’t think you’re getting out of it.” You’d never seen Bucky smile so wide with pure joy radiating from him. It was nice to see; it made you feel a lot better about the situation that was happening. You and Bucky hadn’t broached the subject of being the other’s soulmates, you actually really didn’t want to have that conversation anytime soon, but it was nice to know that at least you got on a little bit.

The fact that the pair of you were laughing so soon felt wrong. It felt like you were betraying Steve for merely getting along but it was nice. You were scared of what was going to happen and Bucky had been anxious about flying so the pair of you had nothing to do but talk to each other. Sure, it wasn’t a particularly interesting conversation but it was something. It was still a little awkward and a little weird at times but you could look past that for a few minutes to just appreciate the fact that Bucky was doing this.

Soon, you were curled back into your plane seat, your own jacket draped across you, “Thanks,” you said quietly as sleep began to take over, “for doing this for Steve. I know that it’s not ideal and I know you probably don’t want to be stuck with me for weeks. I appreciate it, Bucky.”

Bucky nodded and didn’t say anything. I’m not doing it for only Steve, I’m doing it for you too. He watched you for a moment longer before closing his own eyes and resting into his own seat.

The rest of the flight went by in a blur, you slept some more, read your book and ate some food. It wasn’t long before it was time to land and Bucky could not have been more happy than in the moment the wheels of the plane landed on the runway. The airport was a relatively quiet which meant that security and getting your bags was a lot faster than anticipated.

Soon, you were waiting with Bucky in line to get a rental car. To your surprise, when it was your turn to speak to the receptionist, Bucky slid a wad of cash over the counter, “I want a car to keep and I want it off book.”

The receptionist, who was a middle aged man with salt and pepper hair, eyed Bucky with narrow eyes and Bucky stared right back at him. You glanced between the two men wondering who would give up the staring contest first. After a pregnant pause, the receptionist shrugged and dug around in the drawer next to him before pulling out a car key, “Grey sedan in Lot C, registration plate ends with RUS. It’s old and a little worse for wear but for this price, best I can do.” He glanced from left to right before sliding the keys across the table. Apparently he seemed to accept the bribe. You raised your eyebrows, looking between the man and Bucky.

Bucky thanked him with a nod before taking the keys and picked up his and one of your bags before walking away with you in tow, “Wait,” you said quietly, rushing to keep up with him, “You just bought a car?!”

Bucky nodded, “We needed a car. This one will do for a while, keeps us off of the radar for a while.”

Finding the car was easy, the hard part was trying to keep up with Bucky. He took long, quick strides that were hard to keep up with. The car was parked alone in Lot C. It was a little old, with some dents and scratches in the doors from previous bumps and accidents and some of the paint had chipped but aside from that, it seemed to be fine. Bucky loaded the bags in the trunk before getting into the driver’s seat. You settled into your seat and Bucky said that it would be a forty minute drive but could do it in half the time if the road’s were quiet. Then, you both set off.

You couldn’t stop staring out of the window, looking at every single detail of Estonia. It seemed like a dream that you’d be waking up from any second now. Your hands fidgeted with your jacket sleeves as you stared out to the vast unknown. What would become of you and your relationship, you had no idea. You didn’t know what was going to happen and you had absolutely no clue where you would be going. A wave of uneasiness crashed over you as you tried to swallow down the nausea.

The drive seemed to simultaneously be the longest and shortest drive ever. Seconds felt like years and minutes felt like nanoseconds. You just wanted things to go back to how they were two months ago when things were easy and simple and life was without colour. You glanced over at Bucky, wishing that it had been anyone besides him that was your soulmate. Bucky was a decent enough guy from the short time you’d been with him, I mean, he was willing to take you to a safe house for god knows how long after meeting each other less than three times so obviously he was a good guy but... even if you and Bucky ended up friends, ended up falling in love... nothing could ever happen. You just couldn’t do that to Steve.

Oh, Steve.

You wondered what he would be doing just now. He would probably be in the gym with Sam, boxing his feelings and emotions about the whole situation out. That’s what he usually did when things were tense or when he was stressed, he would go to the gym and work out for hours. Sam would usually go with him, being his comic relief to make things less stressful for him. You had never been so thankful for Sam Wilson than in that moment of realisation. You had been so focused on what this meant for you and how this would affect you that you’d practically overlooked your boyfriend’s feelings.

Steve would be blaming your kidnapping on himself, even though it wasn’t his fault that Hydra were dickheads. He would be devastated that he’d had to send you off with your soulmate, knowing fine well that you could easily come back home in love with Bucky. It had been so hard for Steve to make that decision but it had to be done. He wished that he could’ve came with you but it was his mess to clean up and he couldn’t just let his friends do it. He wasn’t that selfish even though he wished he could have been. Steve would rely on Sam pretty heavily over the coming weeks. Sam had been such a good friend to Steve in the few years they’d known each other. Sam understood Steve, they shared the same values and same morals and that was something you liked about Sam. Sam wasn’t afraid to stand up and fight for what was right. You knew that Steve would be in good hands with Sam at his side.

Little did you know, Bucky was thinking of Steve Rogers too as he drove. It was surreal that he was driving with you, through Estonia, to a safe house where you’d be for weeks, potentially months. It scared Bucky, honestly. He liked you, not in a romantic way (yet), but he had heard all about you from Steve. All of those months that Bucky was in Wakanda, Steve called every week to check on him. Every week, Steve would talk about you. He remembered the things he would say about you. ‘She’s great, Buck. She’s got this smile, this really wide smile that I’ve only seen a handful of people have in my life. You know the one I mean. That genuinely happy, makes you smile when you see it smile.’, ‘You gotta meet her, Bucky. She’s everything I’ve been looking for and even though we’re not soulmates, we are.’, ‘It’s crazy. After Peggy, I never thought I’d fall in love again but (y/n) came into my life when I needed her most. Every day, I wake up thankful for her. My god, you have to meet her. You two will get on so well. She keeps my on my toes and is hilarious.’

Bucky glanced at you, a familiar pang of guilt shooting through him. You were his best friend’s girl and he could never do anything to pursue you because he cared about Steve too much. Steve was the one person who had given him a chance and had stuck by him through everything. Steve deserved you, Bucky didn’t.

It wasn’t long before Bucky pulled into a driveway. You looked around, realising that you were deep in the woods. It was an off road cabin that seemed to be pretty far from civilisation, “This is it.” Bucky cut the engine before getting out of the car. You stayed put, staring at the cabin in front of you. From the outside, it looked a little run down but very liveable. It was made with a dark oak wood which blended in well with the trees. Passers by would have to do a double take at first because of how well it blended in.

You got out of the car, grabbing the rucksack that had been by your feet. Bucky appeared beside you, carrying all of his and your bags, “Ready?”

You didn’t look at him, eyes stuck on the cabin in front of you. This was it. This was your future. You were unusually terrified as you stared at it. As soon as you stepped into that cabin, your future would change forever. Everything would change. Life as you knew it with Steve would completely change as soon as you walked into that cabin. With your heart beating fast, you took a breath and nodded, following him up the stony path and to the front door. He unlocked it and swung the door open before disappearing inside. You hesitated at the front door, staring at the line on the floor to mark the cabin’s entrance.

“I love you, Steve,” you whispered before stepping into the cabin and closing the door behind you.

The cabin had an old musty smell to it, the smell of emptiness. Clearly, no one had lived here for a long time. The décor was simple and pretty outdated but it was nice. Bucky had flicked the lights on throughout the cabin and was checking each room just to double check. You wandered through each room. The living room was simple with a couple of recliners and a small couch with a small TV on an old coffee table. You’d be surprised if the TV still worked with a thick layer of dust coating it. There was a large fireplace in the middle of the side wall which would be nice on a cold night. The kitchen was nice with everything that the pair of you would need to get started in the wooden cupboards and on shelves. It had a small table in the corner of the room, looking out of the window. Bucky told you that tomorrow, he would go get some shopping and food supplies until then you had the water and a few more snacks.

Next, you ventured into the bedrooms. Yours and Bucky’s separate bedrooms were adjacent to each other. Bucky had dropped his bags in the slightly smaller room. You went to object but the look on his face told you not to even bother. Bucky’s room was smaller yet still spacious enough for a double bed and a wardrobe. Your room was pretty much the same though as well as a wardrobe you had the chest of drawers as well. The shared bathroom was beside your room and it was... well, it was just an outdated bathroom. And that was it.

The cabin wasn’t particularly big or luxurious but it was much than you had expected. You seriously were expecting to sleep on the floor on a bug infested hotel but Bucky had done pretty good. You’d long since abandoned your disguise, feeling much better when looking like yourself. As you wandered around again, checking cupboards, finding extra duvets and pillows in the wardrobe in your room, you remembered something important. You dug around in your bags until you found it; a picture frame. Bucky knocked on your bedroom door. You turned to him, “You don’t need to knock,” you said.

“Come so I can show you something.”

You followed him into the living room as you held the picture frame in your hands. He stopped in front of a painting on the wall moving the painting to reveal a safe, “Oh, wow,” you said surprised.

“I got this safe installed and I’m putting this gun inside it, okay?” He told you, taking a gun from his back pocket. You jumped slightly, not expecting him to wield a weapon in front of you, “This is for emergencies, got it? I’ll teach you how to use it but for now, I’m locking it up in here, okay?”

“I don’t want to use a gun-”

“Neither do I,” Bucky said, cutting over you, “but I have to at least show you how to use it just in case, okay? The code is 0407-”

“Steve’s birthday.”

Bucky faltered before nodding and continuing, “Yeah, Steve’s birthday. Type that in,” he typed it in, “and it’ll unlock.” He dropped the gun inside of it before closing it over, “Re-type the code and it locks. Got it?”

You nodded.

“I always have at least one weapon on me at all times, okay? I have my gun and I have my knife. I’m only putting this here and showing you just in case, okay? We’ll probably never have to use it but it’s just in case something happens, just so I know that if I can’t get to you, you can have some way to protect yourself.”

Again, you nodded. Bucky eyed you carefully, making sure that you were okay with this. You didn’t really know how to feel about it. You weren’t surprised that he had weapons but it scared you the thought of you having to use them. Hopefully it would never come to that though. He could see the toll this was taking on you and you’d barely been gone a day. He was about to ask what you had in your hands when you wandered over to the fireplace and put the photo atop. It was a photo that you had once upon a time hated. It was you and Steve laughing as you posed for a picture in front of your Christmas tree. Nat had taken it on Christmas Eve. You wore a dress that hugged your curves a little too tightly for your liking but Steve had loved to see you in that dress. He always said the colour complimented your complexion so well and now that you could actually see colour, you could see where he was coming from. You loved that picture now, you remembered the night fondly where he twirled you around, telling you how beautiful you were every other minute. So yeah, you could see your protruding stomach and your bigger arms but you loved it. You smiled as you looked at Steve’s smile, heart soaring as you looked at him. Steve could make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. With him, you truly believed it. Your weight never defined your worth, you defined it.

Almost instantly, Bucky lunged for it, grabbing it and almost tumbling into you, “What the fuck?!” You hissed, leaping backwards. You hadn’t expected the dark haired super soldier to lunge from across the room, almost knocking you off of your feet to grab the picture frame down.

Bucky released a sharp breath, “The window,” he said gruffly. He pulled the curtains shut quickly, “We can’t put any photos up.”

“Why the fuck not?!”

He rolled his eyes, Steve had warned him that you could be stubborn, “In case we’re being watched. If someone’s tailing us, they might look through the window and have our identities confirmed if we put photos up.”

You rolled your eyes, “If someone’s tailing us then I’m pretty sure that they know our identities already. Give me it back.”

“Fine but you’re not putting it there,” Bucky said.

You glared at him as a bubble of anger boiled in your stomach, “My god, how am I meant to stay here with you for weeks if you’re such an arse over a photo?!”

“Yeah?” Bucky scoffed, “I didn’t have to come here, (y/n). I came because Steve asked. I came for you.”

You were breathing heavy as you glared at each other, “Yeah well maybe I don’t want you here.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be here!”

“Keep the stupid picture.” You turned on your heel and stormed into your bedroom, slamming the door shut behind you. You knew that you weren’t angry at Bucky, you knew that the two of you were tired and hungry. You knew that you were a flurry of emotions from having your life flipped upside down. You knew that Bucky was looking out for your safety but you were pissed and he was the only person near you so he would have to deal with it.

Bucky sighed heavily as he fell onto the couch, pursing his lips and pinching the bridge of his nose. Yeah, Steve, she’s fucking brilliant.

It was hours later when you rolled over with a huff. Sleep wasn’t coming easily. You were still too pissed off and because you were still so pissed off, you were only getting more annoyed. You knew that if the anger faded, you’d probably end up crying and you didn’t know which was worse so you just stayed angry. You wished that Bucky would’ve just been able to talk to you normally instead of treating you like a child. You would’ve absolutely understood the picture fiasco had he not leapt over the table and yanked it like a dog stealing someone’s dinner from the table.

You sat up in bed. Usually, if you couldn’t sleep you’d watch TV or go on your phone but you didn’t feel up for watching the tiny TV in the living room and you obviously didn’t have a phone so you couldn’t do much than think. You’d need to see if there was a cheap CD player and CDs in town so that you could at least have some background noise. The cabin was eerily quiet at night. It was a different surrounding in a different country and everything just felt a little uneasy. You were used to New York where the hustle and bustle was part of every day life but the woods was so quiet aside from the rustling trees... it would take some getting used to.

With a huff, you grabbed your dressing gown from the bag on the floor and made your way into the kitchen. You grabbed a glass and filled it with water before taking a long drink. You didn’t know why you wandered into the living room but you found yourself venturing in and it was then you noticed, in the dim light from the moon, you saw a note and the picture of you and Steve that sat on the coffee table in front of the TV. You picked up the note.

I’m sorry about freaking out over the picture, it’s been a long day. Steve warned me you were stubborn but I wasn’t prepared, I guess. Let’s not put it on the fire place until we’re absolutely sure that no one’s tracking us. Until then, it can go here where it’s not facing a window. Hope that’s okay. It is a lovely picture of you and Steve... Again, sorry. - Bucky

You smiled slightly as you read it before slipping the note into your dressing gown pocket and going back to bed. So Bucky Barnes was decent after all.

#reader insert #life without colour #lwc #plus size series #plus size reader #reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x plus size reader #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #bucky barnes #steve rogers #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x plus size reader #bucky barnes/reader #steve rogers/reader #bucky barnes x reader x steve rogers #marvel #avengers

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barrendome · 3 years

Text

the 2b2t survival guide (revamped!)

are you planning to play on 2b2t? have you been playing but can’t seem to get out of spawn? or have you been waiting 12 hours in queue to no avail?

in that case, have i got some stuff for you! heres a handy guide about how to actually play, and some tips to help along the way!

step one: preparing

you can just hop right in and go, but it is smart to know a bit beforehand.

know what you're getting into. the server has no rules to it, so you just have to expect a fuckton of disgusting shit. this includes but isnt limited to nazis, homophobes, racists, transphobes, and more, and youre bound to run into them. you need to just accept that, and ignore it.

get a hacked client. while you can just play vanilla, having a hacked client on will drastically help you survive and get out of spawn, and at the very least make it a little less stressful. id suggest impact client, a free 1.12 hacked client. do not, and i repeat DO NOT use clients advertised on 2b2t chat. only trustable clients i know of are impact, future, and wurst.

make sure your client, version, and 2b2t itself is safe. this might be me just being paranoid, but after the log4j incident id say its smart to play it safe. check the reddit and make sure whatever client youre using is safe. also, if anyone knows if 2b2t is currently safe to play rn, please send me an ask!

make a plan. although this is optional, its smart to do. you can just wing it if you wanna, but it’s helpful to have a goal for what you wanna do in the server.

check the reddit. it will tell you beforehand if the server is active, and also if there is a serious exploit going on, theres a chance youll be able to find out about it beforehand and protect yourself from being affected by it. this is how i stayed safe from log4j and the authentication exploit!

read this guide. seriously, i promise, its at least a BIT helpful!

step two: queue

queue is basically inevitable, but there are a few things you can do to make the wait less painful!

decide if you want priority. priority queue is a godsend, it takes 30 min at MOST to join the server! but on the other hand, its 20 dollars per month. if you’re planning on playing for a long time and dedicating lots of time to playing? get priority. if you just wanna check the server out? don’t worry about buying it.

join when nobody else would. the best times i’ve found are near 1-3am, or in early mornings. also, always on weekdays, its MUCH harder to join during weekends. you’ll still have to wait hours, but not as long as you would otherwise.

do something else. multitasking is the best way to wait. leave queue running in the background and check on it whenever you can, but fill your time with other stuff. i usually draw or watch videos when waiting!

pray for a server restart. when it restarts, turn on auto-reconnect (if you have that) or just keep on trying to connect. you’ll get onto the server extremely quick if you’re able to join right after a restart.

step three: common sense

you gotta use normal common sense, but also server-unique common sense.

remember: there are no rules. people are going to kill you. people are going to grief you. people are going to say gross shit. the worst kinds of people are here on the server, you have to accept that.

you aren’t safe. no matter how far away you are, or how nice that one person is. don’t get lulled into feeling secure, stay on edge. better safe than sorry.

don’t trust anyone. or at least be cautious of everybody. even if they give you gifts, even if they compliment you, dont trust anybody unless you know them personally. also, as a little sidenote, if somebody places down a bed for you and ushers you to sleep in it, DONT.

enderchests are your friend. you’re going to die, several times. so, keep any important things in your enderchest. for more space, put everything into shulker boxes and store the boxes in your enderchest. this is why silk touch pickaxes are something you’ll need: because your enderchest is the only safe place for your items.

signs are the best communication. carry a sign with you, and read all the signs you find. its not important, but its fun to read what people write, and its nice to make your own mark on the world with just a simple sign.

what you build is gonna go. no matter how nice it looks, how far out it is, how tiny it is, whatever. its how 2b2t works. when you build, you have to remember that its going to get destroyed one day. remember to take screenshots of your builds! and griefing only proposes an opportunity to rebuild it bigger and better than before.

everyone hates new players. don’t openly say you’re new. just stick to yourself for the first while of joining. dont ask for kits. if you get stuck, dont ask for help. in this case, doing it alone is safer than getting help.

you aren’t special. oh, so you watched a bunch of fit videos and know everything about the server? no you don’t, shut up. you’re gonna spam things in chat and grief a bunch of builds to become a notable player? you’re gonna become a minor annoyance, shut up. you read this guide and now know how to become the best 2b2t player ever? my guide is still shit, shut up.

step four: chat

so you’ve joined, and you connect to see.. the constant spam of chat.

hide the chat. go into settings, and turn chat off. usually chat isn’t worth looking at, except for warning about server restarts. if you wanna keep chat on, just turn down the opacity.

use /ignore. theres bots constantly flooding the chat, so if you wanna keep chat on, spend time quickly ignoring all the bots. you can also use this command to get rid of all the nasty racists and more in chat!

don’t ask for help. you dont really want to let people know youre new and need help. its rare that people will actually help you, at best you’ll probably get ignored, and at worst they’ll just kill or trap you. you can get through this by yourself!

if you have a question, ask google. like the point above, asking for help isn’t a good option. search stuff up on google or the 2b2t subreddit before asking chat. and try not to ask obvious questions either.

dont get into arguments. its like arguing in comments but... worse. and while nothing bad will probably come of it, it wont help at all in making your point heard. people will probably just laugh at you. as hard as it is, just ignore people that piss you off, and move on.

if youre an mcyt fan, dont mention it. this server hates dream stans or anything even slightly similar. so just avoid mentioning it in chat.

dont fall for stupid tricks. dont post your address even if they say itll censor it. dont press alt+f4 even if they say itll give you good hacks. if you see a message from some famous player with a bunch of symbols spammed from someone before, its probably fake.

step five: escaping spawn

five steps in and im only JUST getting to the part where you escape? how long even IS this guide?!

turn your hacks on. hacks that i personally find come in handy is storage esp, player esp, tracers, search, light, nametags, auto-reconnect, and anti-hunger. (names may vary depending on client, these are the names for impact.) dont forget to customize these hacks to your needs, such as having tracers and esp only track onto players! also, make sure you have hacks like freecam and xray set to easy keybinds.

customize your search hack. search is EXTREMELY helpful, especially with escaping spawn! id suggest having your search light up for valuables (dragon eggs, player heads, beacons) food (melons, potatos, carrots, wheat crops) and other helpful items (portals, signs, beds)

use the highways. there are highways on each 0 coordinate, as well as every diagonal coordinate. they are there for you to use, take advantage of them! once you get far enough, though, stray away from the highway. never settle down near a highway. just be aware of withers near or on the highways! id suggest going down the melon highway, which starts around (0 ~ -2630) and goes up on the -X coordinate!

save your hunger bar. be patient and try not to run or jump. its hard, but its important. most deaths are from hunger in the first while of playing, so just try not to get hungry. for this exact reason, the main thing you’re looking for is food.

collect, store, die, repeat. i never did this, but my boyfriend did, and it worked incredibly well. he would collect as many resources as he could, store them in an enderchest whenever he saw one, and then either die of hunger or something else. he’d repeat this process until he had enough stuff in his enderchest to help get him out of spawn.

don’t go into the nether right away. spawn nether is a guaranteed portal trap, and close-by to nether spawn is extremely risky, especially nowadays. at around 2000 blocks overworld minimum, you’re probably safe to travel via nether, but be careful.

use the nether highways! the nether highways, like the overworld highways, are on every 0 coordinate and diagonal coordinates, as well as a few ring roads. this is the easiest way out of spawn. but dont carry important stuff on you, as people do patrol the highways to kill new players.

if you dont want to escape by yourself, baritone is your best friend! this may be an impact-only thing, though. in chat, do “.b goto [coordinates]” (without the quotation marks) so for example: “.b goto -420 69 1000″ and the bot will move to those coordinates without your input, while you can go afk as it moves.

20000 blocks is the safer zone, but its still spawn territory. anything under 10k is bound to get griefed, and you may run into players. 10k to 20k is fairly safe, but still bound to get griefed. around 50k is the minimum for you to be making a permanent base, but even then, its very VERY smart to go 100k or farther out.

step six: outside spawn

so you’re out of the major spawn area... now what?

find food, farm food. get as much food as you can, thats the most important thing to do at this moment. make sure you have as much food as you could need, and store some in your enderchest.

make a temporary base. you can make a small house, a hole, or even just a dirt hut. just make sure you have a place to store all your extra stuff, and a place to stay for now. (sidenote, don’t put a nether portal right beside your house.)

find or make a bed. later on, beds aren’t a big deal, but at first they definitely are. try to find or make a bed, and set your spawn somewhere. i’d suggest hiding the bed somewhere near your temporary base, but don’t make it visible.

get geared up. use your xray and get some diamonds, look through dungeons or go fishing for enchanted books, make yourself tools, etc. its best to get what you need now that you’re out of spawn.

go fishing. you can get food, enchanted books, xp, etc. going fishing is actually super useful. the autofish hack is your friend right now. but don’t go afk when fishing, you can get kicked for it.

visit nether highways. if you have nothing on you, theres a small chance a high-level player could stumble upon you, take pity, and give you stuff. just make sure to be cautious the entire time, and make sure to put anything you get into your enderchest. this may not work as well anymore, since lots of players now seem to resort to killing rather than giving. but its worth a shot!

step seven: last notes

some last little tips and tricks you should know before jumping in!

make a goal if you haven’t already. if you wanna be a nomad? plan where you’re gonna wander. if you’re gonna make a huge base? plan where to build it and go out there. if you’re gonna go visit monuments? figure out which ones and their coordinates, and start walking. gonna join a group? figure out which one would be safe and fun to join, and try to get in.

get as far from spawn as possible. unless you wanna stay near spawn, try and get 100,000 blocks away or further. and if you really wanna keep a base intact, do NOT stay near any of the major highways.

take lots of screenshots! screenshots of cool bases, signs, anything! and dont forget to grab coordinates of every cool thing you screenshot as well. who knows when you’ll want to revisit those things in the future!

if you wanna be a nomad... travel in circles around spawn! 10k out in a circle, 20k, 15k... however far you feel like! you could also go back to spawn, and take a highway completely out as well! just... explore. have fun with it! make sure to read signs!

if you wanna make a group... collect all your friends who play on the server, or anyone who just seems trustworthy (psst.. like me...) and form a group by yourself! while you can join pre-existing groups, the real fun of having a group comes from shared bonds and trust among members!

visit some monuments! its very fun to go exploring, and especially to explore around important places. for example, theres wrath outpost, which is inside spawn, or ziggytown, which is close to spawn. you can just search up coordinates, and most times you’ll be able to find coordinates to whichever famous place you want to visit.

if youre interested in 2b2t lore, dont just watch fitmc! there are a LOT of other 2b2t creators! some of my personal suggestions is salc1, fastvincent1, and barrendome (not me, the youtuber!) id also suggest thecampingrusher’s videos, they genuinely show an interesting side to the server and the rusher war. a few more story oriented things are thejudgeholden’s 2b2t comic, and the 2b2t chronicles on youtube!

if youre interested in 2b2t history, heres some other sources with some really good stuff! this will be updated as time goes on. all the youtubers mentioned above have very good 2b2t history content, but theres also places like the 2b2t blog that have a lot of cool history on it! theres also a couple of 2b2t wikis, like these ones, but theyre community led, so some information on them may not be 100% correct.

have fun! as rough this server can be to play on, theres a lot of cool stuff you can find, and its important to find joy in the chaos!

i hope that this guide served to be a bit more useful than my previous one!

i STILL may have forgotten things even during the revamp, so feel free to send me anything i missed! but i hope that everything i was able to write down will be enough to help anybody that wants to join 2b2t.org, the oldest anarchy server on minecraft!

#2b2t #2builders2tools #anarchy server #minecraft #mineblr #minecraft server #mcyt #fitmc #barrendome #salc1 #minecraft guide #and after a year i still dont know what to tag this as.

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the-bau-quinjet · 4 years

Text

Anything for You

So, I got this idea in my head and I wrote it. This is not the first thing I’ve written, but the first that I finished. And the first that I’m posting. Sorry if it sucks. I hope someone out there likes it. Italics indicate past memories.

Summary: This takes place after Maeve. It sort of starts a month before Spencer goes back to work but then skips a year. Reader is the newest member of the BAU. Spencer lashes out when she tries to help him, but he doesn’t realize how much she can relate to his trauma.

warnings: angst but also a little fluff, typical CM violence (kidnapping, torture, death etc.), dark thoughts about dying, I think that’s it

Word Count: 6218

It is moments like this that make you rethink every decision that lead you here. You are on the jet on the way back to Quantico after a particularly rough case. The team managed to save the most recent victim, but only to discover three more hidden on the unsubs property. And to make it worse, they were children. Everyone on the team keeps shooting you concerned glances, worried that you might break. It’s only fair. You are still the newbie.

You started at the BAU one month ago to the day. Your previous position was a desk job, but you were ready to get back into field after two years of endless paperwork. Not that the entire team knows you had been in the field before. Only Hotch knows. You don’t like to talk about it. You had gone so far as to cut Hotch off to prevent him from bringing it up on your first day.

You are counting down the floors with each beep as the elevator rises to bring you to the floor that houses the Behavioral Analysis Unit. To say you aren’t nervous would be a lie, but that comes with the territory of starting a new job. Especially a job with one of the most elite units of the FBI. It’s hard not to be intimidated.

The elevator doors slide open, revealing the all too familiar glass doors that lead to the BAU. When you were trying to decide if switching career paths was the right decision, you found yourself staring at these doors far more than you’d care to admit.

You walk through the doors, immediately heading for Hotch’s office. He told you to meet him there first thing this morning. You knock on the open door to draw his attention.

“Agent L/N, please come in.” He looks up from the file he has open on his desk.

“Agent Hotchner, I would just like to thank you again for the position.” You have to stop yourself before you ramble on about how grateful you are for his taking a chance on you.

“Please, call me Hotch. You’re new ID was just dropped off.” He says, handing you the plastic card to put in your credentials. You take a moment to admire the way your name looks just above the words “Behavioral Analysis Unit” before sliding it into the wallet.

“I wish we had time for a more thorough welcoming, but we just got a case. I’ll introduce you to the team in the conference room.” He rises from his desk, you following behind him to a room already full of profilers. Of course, you already know of them all, but the introductions are nice nonetheless.

“L/N, these are SSAs Emily Prentiss, David Rossi, Derek Morgan, and Jennifer Jureau and our technical analyst Penelope Garcia.” You shake hands with each member of the team as there name is called. “Team, this is SSA Y/N L/N. She transferred from violent crimes-” You know he is going to bring up your previous field work, so you cut him off.

“It’s an honor to meet you all.” You smiled at Hotch, trying your best to get him to move on. Thankfully, you can see in his eye that he understands why you don’t want to relieve your past field experience.

“Actually, that’s not all. Dr. Reid is on leave at the moment, but you’ll meet him when he returns.” You nod, taking a seat next to Derek. “Garcia, you can start now.”

The memory fades and you try to ignore the concerned glances from everyone on the jet. Yes, you were the one to find the children in the back shed, but you have techniques to handle this. You’ve always been good at compartmentalizing. It comes with the territory of undercover work.

You are more concerned with the wellbeing of one Dr. Reid. This is the first case you’ve worked with him, but it still feels like something’s off. Granted, you don’t know why he was on leave or how long it lasted.

After everyone else is asleep, barring Hotch who is too focused on his reports to pay you any attention, you slide down into the seat across from Spencer. He doesn’t even glance up from his book.

“Dr. Reid?” You can tell he’s stopped reading at the sound of your voice, but it takes him a moment to actually look up at you. When he does, you can see the sadness in his eyes.

“L/N. Are you okay?” Of course he would ask you that. You’ve known him for all of 72 hours, but he’s still concerned about you’re wellbeing. The way your heart flutters at the sentiment catches you off guard.

“Oh, um, I’m fine. I actually wanted to check on you.” He looks startled at that, but you just push forward. “I know we only just met, and I have no idea what you’re going through, but I just thought maybe I could help.” You can see the instant you finished talking that it was a mistake. He is clearly not ready to talk about his demons, especially with a near stranger.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“ “No, you shouldn’t have.” His words are defensive more than anything. The words of someone who just went through unbelievable pain “You couldn’t possibly help me. Unless, of course, you’ve been kidnapped, tortured, and drugged, shot multiple times, and witnessed the love of your life being murdered in front of you just to name a few. I’m sure you have plenty of experience with that given your work in violent crimes.” The sarcasm is obvious, with violent crimes being a desk job. He mistakes the tears that spring to your eyes as pity rather than understanding. He scoffs, going back to his book while you wander back to your previous seat, trying to control your emotions.

Spencer doesn’t know about your time undercover. He doesn’t know you experienced all of those things. He doesn’t know about the scars that line your torso or the more prevalent scars on your heart. You try not to take it personally. You’ve had years to deal with your trauma. His is clearly newer. You tell yourself over and over that he’s not angry with you, but with the world. You just happened to be the first available outlet.

When the others wake up, they assume your red eyes are due to the case. That you are finally breaking down after a month on the job. They offer words of encouragement and promises to be there if you need to talk. They stress how you aren’t alone. They all know how you feel. You simply nod, gathering your things before heading home. You can’t help but think there is one of them who knows exactly what is going through your head. It’s the first time you’ve cried over Cameron in three months, the last time being the anniversary of his death.

-------

The next year at the BAU flies by. You actually feel like part of the family, knowing you could talk to any member of the team when you need a friend. Well, almost any member of the team. You and Spencer didn’t click the way everyone thought you would. Ever since the conversation on the plane, you hold back when you’re with him. It’s not that you two avoid each other. You’re just more like coworkers than family. You converse when you need to, but don’t seek each other out.

Nobody understands why. Hotch especially thought the two of you would become close. You can see why he would think so. From your brief encounters with Spencer, you can tell he’s been through hell. Hotch was probably hopeful the two of you might bond over shared trauma, act as an anchor for each other to know you aren’t alone. Of course that required you to share your trauma with the team, which definitely has not happened.

It’s not that you don’t trust them. It’s just that the moment hasn’t provided itself yet. First of all, you can’t just casually bring up being kidnapped and tortured for government secrets with your fiancé who was then murdered in front of you. Second of all, something in you says it would crush Spencer. You can tell he clearly still feels bad about what he said to you that day.

You two hadn’t talked about it. It was a year later, and you still hadn’t talked about it. You would think he forgot, but he does have a rather prolific memory. Everything was fine though. Mostly. He still seemed nervous around you. Or maybe you were projecting. There is something about Dr. Reid…

“Y/N, can I talk to you?” You were honestly surprised to hear Spencer’s voice saying those six words. Everyone else had already gone home, even Hotch. You just wanted to finish one more file.

“Of course, what’s up?” You try desperately to sound casual, to pretend like you weren’t just thinking about him. Despite not talking to Spencer all that often, you still have a massive amount of respect for him. Watching him work is incredible. You would expect most people with his intelligence to come off as cocky, but he is somehow still so humble.

“I just wanted to apologize. For what I said on the jet. I was in a bad place, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have said those things, you were just trying to help me, and I threw it back in your face. Also, I’m sorry it took me so long to actually apologize. I just felt so awful, I didn’t know how to bring it up and the longer I waited the more nervous I became and” “Spencer,” he looked startled at the sound of his name. Granted, you normally call him Dr. Reid or Reid when you’re feeling more casual, but still. It’s his name, why is he so surprised you’re using it? “You didn’t do anything wrong. Trust me. You were dealing with an amount of grief nobody should have to go through. I shouldn’t have tried to step in without knowing more about the situation. I’m sorry.” This is your chance. Tell him what happened to you. Come clean about it all.

He just looks so… relieved. As if you had lifted a weight off his shoulder just by telling him you understood he didn’t mean it. Seeing the hope in his eyes, you couldn’t bring yourself to put any of that weight back on him. He had just freed himself, he doesn’t need your problems weighing him back down.

You can tell he still feels bad, but maybe now the two of you can try to move on. Maybe you’ll actually become friends. Telling him that you have indeed been through all of those things would just bring all that guilt back. For some reason, there is nothing you would rather do than protect Spencer Reid from pain.

So, you’ve resigned yourself to never telling anyone unless you absolutely had to. You convinced yourself it was a secret you could take to the grave. Nobody needed to know.

Until one day, they do. And that day happens to be tomorrow.

“Hello, crime fighters. This one is a doozey.” Penelope walked into the round table room and immediately jumped into the case. “Three heterosexual couples in Plano, Texas have been killed. The details are on your tablets. Be warned, it is not a pretty sight. All the victims were tortured. The men all died of blood loss. The women were drowned after multiple non fatal gunshot wounds and other various forms of torture.” You tensed ever so slightly at the description of the crimes. Hotch shot you a concerned glance, but you waved him off with a slight shake of your head. You zoned out for the rest of Garcia’s description, deciding instead to focus on every detail you could learn from the case files on your tablet.

“Wheels up in 20.” Hotch’s voice drew you from your focus on the files. “Y/N?” You looked at him from your seat at the table, realizing everyone else had already left. “If this is too much for you, everyone would understand.” You stand, plastering the fakest smile Hotch has ever seen on your face.

“I appreciate the concern, but there is a job to do. And I intend to do it.” There is no malice behind your words. Only a fierce determination to catch this unsub before he can hurt anyone else.

“Alright, but Y/N, please. Let me know if you need to talk about it. The whole team is here for you.” You features soften into a genuine smile before you respond.

“Thank you, Hotch.” And with that, you exit the room. You grab your go bag, meeting the other agents by the elevator.

The flight to Texas is long enough that the team’s discussion doesn’t prevent everyone from catching up on sleep. While everyone else is resting, preparing to start up again on the ground with fresh eyes, you are pouring over every detail again and again. You just need to know if it’s the same people. The same people who killed your fiancé. The same people who tortured you.

It was a day like any other. You had just gotten to the bar you were working at as a cover. Cameron was working security, you as a bartender. The mission was supposed to be simple.

There was a domestic terrorist cell operating just outside of Plano in Addison, TX. The leader was believed to own the very bar you had gotten a job in. You were supposed to gather intelligence, and report back. You weren’t supposed to engage with the terrorist cell. It was a simple mission.

That day, the day you could never forget, started exactly how you expected it to. The leader was supposed to be meeting with his right hand. You were supposed to learn who or what they were planning to target. You still can’t pinpoint the moment you knew something was wrong.

Everything was normal when you clocked in. Everything was normal when you served you first few customers. Everything as normal when you walked up to the table hosting the meeting and asked if you could get them anything. Everything was normal until it wasn’t.

You remember waking up in a warehouse. Cameron was tied to a chair across from you. He was injured, bleeding from a cut in his side. It didn’t look that bad, but there was so much blood. How could such a small cut produce so much blood?

You had a million questions, but couldn’t form the words to ask them. You’re mouth felt like it was full of cotton. Cameron looked at you as if he knew something you didn’t. You suppose he did, given that he was awake before you. But that’s not what concerned you the most. No, it was the look of pure terror in his eyes. Pure terror, mixed with… resignation? That doesn’t make sense. Why would he be giving up?

Finally gathering enough strength to speak, you mumble “What happened?”

“Y/N… they know who we are. I don’t know how they figured it out, but they did. They are going to hurt me to get to you. You can’t let them, okay? Stay strong. Everything will be fine.” His words are rushed. You have a hard time following them, as if the words drift into the air, only to enter your head in a different order.

Before you have a chance to ask any more questions, you hear a door swing open behind you. You can hear the footsteps, but can’t turn around enough to see who they belong to.

“Do it.” You know that voice. You know you know it, but you can’t place it.

A man appears from your left. He stands in front of you, a mask covering his face so you can only see his eyes. “Let’s have some fun.” You’re ready for him to hit you. Or cut you. Or hurt you in any way. What you’re not ready for is him pulling a knife only to walk over to Cameron.

“No” The word is barely there. You aren’t even sure you said it out loud.

“Y/N, don’t tell them anything. Okay? I’ll be fine.” Cameron is looking at you with pleading eyes. You both know he’s lying.

“Your fiancé here is a liar.” The man sneers, dragging his knife down Cameron’s arm. “He will most certainly not be fine.” With that, the man plunges the knife into Cameron’s stomach. A gut wrenching scream leaves his mouth as the man moves the knife around inside his body. You try to control your reaction, but tears instantly spring to your eyes.

“Tell me what I want to know, and I’ll leave your man alone.” There’s no point. Cameron would never forgive you if you gave up information to the enemy. He’s always been a loyal soldier. Either way, deep down you know he won’t live much longer. He’s lost too much blood. You are going to have to watch the man you love die. He’s going to bleed out in front of you. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

You are shaken back to reality after the jet has landed. You slowly come to, realizing you must have fallen asleep while you were looking at the files. You can’t get the eyes out of your head now. The last time you had a nightmare was 6 months ago. Although, this was more of a memory than the usual nightmares you have.

“Y/N/N? You good?” Morgan is looking at you with concern that hasn’t been there since your first month on the job.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just groggy.” You try to laugh it off, walking past him and jumping into an SUV. You’re supposed to go with Hotch to the precinct to set up, so you can avoid the rest of the team’s questions for now.

You bury your head in the files again, trying to discern if anything feels off or if it is all too similar to be a coincidence.

“Just answer the question. This will all be over.” Cameron is dead. You are staring at his lifeless body as the man tries to torture you to get the answers he wants.

With all the strength you can muster up, you spit at him. “I didn’t break before and I won’t break now. Do what you want to me. You’ll never get your answers.” “Oh everyone’s got a breaking point. I’ll find yours.” With that, he storms passed you and out of the room.

You try to inventory the damage he’s done, but it’s hard because he typically drugs you when he leaves. You’re too disoriented to remember everything. You haven’t heard anything else from the first voice, but you finally realized it was the owner of the bar.

You are just about to drift back into unconsciousness when you hear a loud crash from somewhere in the building. You expect the masked man to come running back into the room, but instead you’re greeted with the face of the terrorist cell leader. He pulls you to your feet, mumbling about how this wasn’t part of the deal.

You don’t have the energy to protest as he pulls you down hallways and through doors. He bursts into a large open room. It smells like chlorine, but your eyes are too fuzzy to figure out why. The lights just got so much brighter, and you can’t see. You keep slipping on the floor. The third time, you fall to the ground. Everything is wet. He’s kicking you now. No, rolling you. It all feels distant. As if it’s not happening to you, but rather you are watching it happen to someone. Like a movie.

You hear the splash before you register the water surrounding you. You’re sinking. It’s actually quite warm. Like a comforting blanket tucking you into bed. The sounds of people yelling fade out as the water covers your head. You feel at peace as everything fades to black.

Suddenly, the peace is gone. You can hear voices. They sound loud, but still distant. Like you are swimming and someone is trying to talk to you from above the water. But the ground is hard now. There’s loud bangs too, but you can’t figure out what they are. There’s no pattern to them, but suddenly they stop. Maybe you’ll never know what they were, oh well. You just want to get back to the peaceful darkness.

Instead, you feel burning in your lungs and a pounding in your head. It feels like someone is punching you in the ribs. No. No. No. Where’s the peace?

All at once, the burning liquid is expelled from your lungs and your eyes fly open. You try to spin around, to see what’s happening, but everything hurts. Your lungs are trying to fill with air. Your eyes are trying to adjust to the lights. You head is begging everything to just stop making noise. Then, darkness. It’s not a peaceful transition this time. It’s sudden, as if someone turned everything off.

“Y/N?” The sound of your name draws you out of the memory again. You turn to see Hotch’s concerned expression. He’s parked the car outside of the station.

You take a few deep breaths before speaking, trying to prepare yourself for what you never wanted to have to do. “I have to tell them.” Hotch nods with a grim expression on his face.

“The team won’t judge you for keeping it a secret. We’ll all be there for you.” He tries to smile, but it’s more of a grimace. He’s too worried about you.

“I know. It’s not me I’m worried about.” For the first time since you met him, Aaron Hotchner looks confused. It’s actually kind of funny. Although, your laughing sounds more delirious than amused.

“Hotch, my first case with Spencer, do you remember it?” You shudder at the memory.

“Of course. It was hard on both of you.” Your smile feels weak, even to you.

“Well, I tried to check on him. I had only just met him, but he looked so sad. I wanted to take his pain away.” You can feel the tears coming, but you can’t figure out why. “He said unless I had been kidnapped, tortured, and drugged, shot multiple times, and witnessed the murder of the love of my life there was nothing I could do to help him.”

You can’t bring yourself to look at Hotch. His worrisome expression will just make you feel worse.

“You didn’t tell him.” The realization is evident in the lilt of his voice. Turning toward him, you try to explain, but he cuts you off. “He was listing trauma you’ve both experienced, and you didn’t tell him.”

“Of course not, he would’ve felt so guilty! He already feels so guilty and he has no idea. We talked it out, you know. We were actually becoming friends, although it was hard to see from an outside perspective.”

“You had me fooled. The two of you barely talk.” Hotch looks incredulous. You’ve never seen so many emotions on his face in one day, let alone one conversation.

“I know. It’s still new. Honestly, it happened yesterday.” Hotch actually chuckles at that. “I think he still feels bad that my first impression was him yelling at me. He’s going to feel so guilty, and I just wanted to keep that pain away from him. He doesn’t need my emotional baggage on top of his own.” You can’t read the expression on his face anymore. You can tell he’s thinking something, though he doesn’t intend to share.

“It’ll all work out in the end, Y/N. Reid is stronger than he looks. He’s been through a lot, but so have you. Let’s go catch this son of a bitch.” And the two of you exit the car as if nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred.

Your nerves build waiting for the rest of the team at the station. Spencer and Derek are last to arrive. You were hoping to have a few more minutes to figure out how to tell them all about the worst moments of your life, but alas the time has come.

Hotch clears his throat to get everyone’s attention. The conversations about theories die out as all eyes turn to him. “Y/N has a theory to share.”

That’s one way to put it. Before you can back out, you jump right in.

“The unsub was a for-hire torturer. I think he left the business and started killing for fun. A sadist. He enjoys the psychological torture of killing the one person you love more than anyone.” You can’t bring yourself to say another word. Spencer looks grief stricken. Everyone else is looking at you in confusion, except Hotch who is looking at you with sorrow. You can’t decide which is worse.

“What makes you say that?” Derek is the first one to speak. He clearly doesn’t understand why you came to that conclusion. Plus, he’s probably confused that Hotch had to introduce your theory rather than just include it in the brainstorming.

“Before I worked in violent crimes, I worked in the National Security division. I focused on domestic terrorism. We had a mission go wrong. It was supposed to be a simple, just gathering intel. Something went wrong and two agents were abducted.” You unconsciously decided to depersonalize the story. It’s something Hotch quickly caught on to, but what can he do about it? You just need to get the words out.

“They were a couple. Engaged. The man, he died from three precise wounds to the abdomen. He bled out while his fiancé was forced to watch.” You’re grateful when Emily interrupts.

“Did the woman drown?” The woman. You.

“No. Well, yes. She was dead for 3 minutes when they found her. The cell leader dumped her into a pool in the building she was being held in. They caught him trying to flee the building. When they questioned him about a partner, he said he hired someone to torture the couple to get information. He didn’t know where he went. I think that’s the unsub.”

Instantly, the team is theorizing. You stay quiet, listening. Where could he have hidden for this long? Were there more crimes in other states? Can Garcia look through unsolved double homicides that fit the signature? Before long, Derek asks the question you’ve been dreading.

“Can we interview the agent who survived?” You’re grateful that he’s looking at Hotch when he asks. Spencer, though, his eyes haven’t left you since you started speaking. He knows. You know he knows because you can see the weight bearing down on him. You tear your eyes away from him when Hotch clears his throat to get your attention.

“Y/N, can we interview the agent?” His tone is gentle. Hotch knows what he’s asking. Are you ready to tell them the truth? To share this pain with all of us?

“Yes. You can interview her.” You are visibly tense, but Morgan is just confused about the interaction. Why would Hotch need to ask you for permission? Why does he sound like someone just kicked his puppy?

“Great, when can she get here?” Of course, Morgan would ask the next logical question.

“She’s already here.” Your voice is quiet. He almost doesn’t hear you.

“What? Where?” He knows he’s missing something. It’ll only take him a few more seconds to put it together, but you save him the trouble.

“Right here.” You gesture to yourself, eyes flitting between Spencer’s and the ground. The rest of the team didn’t hear you. They were still working out theories as you, Morgan, Hotch, and Spencer converse in cryptic sentences and brief eye contact. Spencer is frozen in place. Hotch was stressed for you. It’s never easy to share past trauma, let alone when you feel like you don’t have a choice.

The realization hits Morgan so fast he almost falls to the ground. He rushes to you, pulling you into the tightest bear hug you have ever experienced. Morgan has become like an older brother to you. He always jokes about how he would beat up anyone who hurt you. You always joke right back about doing the same for him. He told you about Carl Buford a few months ago. It was also on a case. You would’ve told him everything then, but you didn’t want him to feel like you thought the two were comparable or that his trauma was somehow less important just because you’d been through some bad shit too.

His actions drew the attention of Rossi, JJ, and Emily though. You weren’t an overly emotional person usually. Undercover work made you good at compartmentalizing, so you never really sought out someone to comfort you. The sight of you in tears, wrapped in Morgan’s arms threw them for a loop. You normally waited until you got home to go through your routine to decompress. It was easier that way. But right now, the thought of even looking at Spencer was enough to bring tears to your eyes. You just couldn’t stop thinking about him. It felt weird, to be sharing such an intimate part of your life with everyone and still be thinking about him. You had moved on from it all though. You knew how to deal with it. Of course, you still love Cameron, but you talk about everything in therapy once a week so you won’t break down like this.

You see JJ look to Spencer for an explanation, but he’s too busy looking at you with more pain in his eyes than should be possible. He knows how it feels to see someone you love die right in front of you. He knows how it feels to try and move on from being drugged and tortured. He knows how it feels to be alone in it all. What he doesn’t know is how it feels to try and help someone through that grief only to have your own thrown back in your face. That’s what he did to you. Albeit, unintentionally but he did that. And it is so clear that he feels awful. You wish you could talk to him, but Morgan is pulling you into a different conference room for a cognitive interview that you somehow agreed to in your state of shock.

Hotch explains the situation to Rossi, Emily, and JJ. Spencer’s guilt only pushes further down on him when he hears it all again.

He stares at the room you’re in through the class doors of the conference room. He hasn’t moved in the ten minutes you’ve been gone. He expected JJ to talk to him first, but he was surprised to find Hotch instead.

“Y/N told me in the car that she was scared to share that story.” Hotch starts slow, trying to ease Spencer out of his own head.

“I would be too. It’s a painful memory to relive.” Spencer responds with a familiar tightness in his chest.

“She wasn’t worried about herself though.” Spencer’s head jerks up to meet Hotch’s stare.

“What do you mean? Who else would she be worried for?”

“You.” Hotch says it as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. You being worried about him when you share your darkest memories.

“Me?” Spencer practically falls out of his chair in an effort to sit up straighter. “Why would she worry about me?” Despite his genius IQ, he can’t fathom why you would worry about him in this scenario. If roles were reversed and he had to tell the story of watching Maeve die, he wouldn’t be worried about you. He slowly comes to the conclusion that he would be worried about you though. Now that he knows you’ve been through something similar, he would worry about you anytime it was brought up. Anytime anything remotely similar was brought up.

“She told me what you said to her on the jet after your first case together.” Spencer falls into himself at the memory, his guilt pushing his shoulders down. “She said you still feel guilty about it. That hearing the things she has been through would push all that guilt back to the surface. More than anything, she wanted to protect you from more pain.” Hotch seems to know more than he’s saying, but Spencer is too shocked to profile him.

“But, I, how would, but…” Spencer is muttering the beginning of every thought running through his head, but he can’t seem to form a complete sentence. “Why?”

“You’ll have to ask her.”

Between your cognitive interview and Garcia’s sleuthing, the team find the unsub rather quickly. You stay at the station when the team goes to catch him. You try to protest, but Hotch, Morgan, and Emily stare you down until you concede. Really though, it was the concerned look from Spencer that convinced you to sit down and wait. The case wraps up quickly after that. The masked man ended up being Kyle Beckett. A classic sadist.

It brings you more closure than you would have imagined to know he will be locked up for the rest of his life. You spent a lot of time in therapy trying to cope with the fact that he was never caught. And now, it’s over. You’re also extremely grateful you didn’t have to face him, although you would never admit that you were actually glad to stay behind. They can all tell though. They are profilers after all.

You can’t help but feel a sense of déjà vu at all the stares you’re getting on the jet. It’s as if time itself was rewound to a year ago. You feel like the newbie again. Getting ready to have a heart to heart with Spencer. You’d be blind not to notice the parallels of the two situations when Spencer slides into the seat next to you on the jet after everyone else falls asleep.

The silence is comforting at first, but quickly becomes unbearable.

“Hi” You have a sleepy smile on your face when you say it. You are unbelievably exhausted after everything that happened. Too tired to fully conceal the emotions you know you have been denying. You’re always happy when you talk to him, even if the occurrences are a bit far and few between compared to other members of the team. “You look sad.”

His mouth actually twitches upward at that statement, which you count as a win in your book. “You’ve been through hell on this case, and you’re still worried about me.” You can’t tell what he’s thinking. He’s too good at hiding his thoughts inside that big beautiful brain.

“I’ve always worried about you. Ever since I met you. You just looked so sad and I wanted to make it stop.” You aren’t thinking before you speak anymore. Probably why Spencer suddenly looks so surprised.

“Is that why you didn’t want to tell me?” Now it’s your turn to look confused. How did he know that? “I may have talked to Hotch earlier…” It takes longer than you’d care to admit for you to understand what exactly Hotch told him. But still, you’re too tired to be bothered.

“I’m sorry if that was weird for you. It’s just, after we talked about it I thought maybe we could eventually be friends or something. I didn’t want you to be sad again. I know what it feels like to be sad. I also know what it feels like to be sad again when you realize someone else is sad for that same reason.” You must actually be exhausted because it feels like you’re talking in riddles. “Sorry, that doesn’t make sense. I just mean, I didn’t want you to feel bad about it again. I didn’t want you to feel more pain” You’ve started leaning toward him, about ready to pass out.

“You’re incredible. You truly are amazing. I don’t think a day will go by where I don’t feel awful for what I said to you, but maybe with enough time I can make it up to you.”

“I would like that.” You smile brightly as you look into his eyes. They seem sad still, but there is a brightness there that wasn’t there before.

Spencer doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he lets you lay down in his lap as you drift off, the soothing feeling of his hands in your hair lulling you to sleep.

You wake up as the jet touches down. The memories of your conversation with Spencer bring a smile to your face. He looks down smiling when you shift in his lap.

“Thank you” You’re not surprised he still feels like he needs to thank you.

“I would do anything for you Spencer Reid.” You get up to collect your belongings, turning back only when you realize he hasn’t moved from his spot on the couch.

“Spence, let’s go.” Spence. He likes the sound of that. Maybe, just maybe the two of you will be okay.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds x reader #spencer #spencer reid one shot #mgg

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sharkboygirlish · 3 years

Text

Messy.

ONE-SHOT

Word count: 2793

Disclaimer: One piece and all it’s characters belong to Eiichiro Oda, I just like to write about them.

Warning: None

Rating: T (i guess?? there’s cursing)

Author’s Note: Whale, this is the first fanfic I’ve posted on the interwebs since high school so please keep that in mind, lol. I do plan to finish it sooner than later so check back in a few days if you want to read the rest, sorry I don’t have it all done right now. At long last it it FINISHED.

Feel free to tell me what u think! Unless it’s mean, then I ask that u keep those thoughts in ur noggin because I’m just writing these for fun not for grades.

Without further ado, here ya go.

Author’s Note pt 2: So i didn’t end up going the smut route like I originally planned, but I think it worked out better bc this one got nice and Emotional.

Summary: Zoro really shouldn’t agree to be Nami’s drinking partner if he wanted to keep their friendship from getting... Complicated.

__________________________________________

The moon was floating high in the night sky when Nami wandered onto the deck, unable to sleep even after a few hours of sketching.

She wanted company – specifically, she wanted the company of the crew’s resident alcoholic. It only took a few minutes to find him on the lawn deck with his back against a tree and his eye closed. ‘How typical.’

Nami smiled a small, excited smile as she strode over to him and squatted between his parted legs. An unconscious sigh left her nose as she swept her gaze up and down his face. She caught herself thinking, ‘He really is easy on the eyes isn’t he.’ ....again.

Who was she kidding? She’d been thinking the same thing every time she looked his way lately.

Two years ago she’d been able to keep the immature crush she had on him locked tightly away but somehow - it had gotten out and was slowly consuming her entire being.

Nami hoped he hadn’t noticed how often she invited him to drink with her because she didn’t think she could handle being rejected. So she settled for spending time alone with him whenever and however she could.

“Hey, moss-head,” the navigator said finally, leaning in to squint at him, “Are you asleep?”

He had literally just settled down for a nice cat nap when the navigator appeared suddenly to interrupt him. ‘Damn. What the hell did she want now?’

Instead of answering, Zoro chose to ignore her and pretend like he was deep asleep. ‘Why won’t she go bother someone else?’

Nami started prodding his cheek with one finger to rouse him if he really was sleeping, ”Zorooo wake up, I wanna drink,” she whined and his eyelid opened instantly.

‘Why’s she so damn pretty..’ was the first thought he had when he realized that she was a lot closer than he’d anticipated.

He mentally chastised himself after, trying to remind his id that Nami had never once indicated that she wanted to be anything other than friends and he should respect that.

But… There was no harm in looking from time to time was there? And she was pretty. She’d always been... ‘Oh for fuck’s sake, now he sounded like Sanji. He needed to get a grip.’

“Helloooooo,” Nami waved her hand in Zoro’s face until he snapped back to reality and snatched her wrist up, pulling it away. He scowled but it wasn’t deep, and now he was refusing to look her in the eye. “What was that about, huh Zoro?”

“Nothing.” The swordsman replied perhaps a little too quickly to avoid suspicion, “Thought I heard a noise, doesn’t matter – oi, didn’t you want to do something?”

He couldn’t remember what exactly it was. He’d been so distracted by the way her bangs framed her face and sometimes got caught in her eyelashes—’Damnit! He was doing it again.’

Nami smirked again but didn’t press the subject anymore. She’d do that later once they started drinking. “Weren’t you listening to me? You’re so rude, maybe I should find someone else to share my booze with.”

Was it a good idea to go drink with Nami when he kept catching himself thinking about feelings that he’d been suppressing for the last two years? Probably not…

But he couldn’t just decline an opportunity to get buzzed. ‘And... Maybe he wanted to get buzzed with Nami, specifically.’

Zoro scoffed, mostly at himself. “Quit playing games, damnit, do you want me to drink with you or not?”

“You’re so stubborn,” The navigator teased with a pleased smile that made his heart beat unevenly, “I could care less if you join me, but you’re not allowed to come unless you say you’ll be nice.”

“Nami. I am older than you, quit treating me like a fucking child or I swear-”

“That’s no way to talk to a lady who’s getting you drunk for free, Roronoa Zoro. If you can’t be nice then I’ll just add the cost of everything you drink to your debt and-”

Zoro didn’t have time to ruminate over the way hearing her say his full name made him shiver because he had to shut her up before she did charge him.

“Okay, okay. I’ll be... nice.” He hissed through gritted teeth and her answering giggle made his pulse flutter. He had to fight to keep himself from smiling. ‘What the hell was going on with him tonight? Was he sick?’

“Good boy,” she turned and started walking towards the Sunny’s aquarium bar, glancing back over her shoulder to make sure he was coming.

“Don’t push your luck, woman.” Zoro snarled to mask his confusion over the sudden need to touch her that he felt scratching at the back of his head. He really shouldn’t agree to be Nami’s drinking partner if he wanted to keep their friendship from getting... Complicated.

He knew it, but he followed her up the stairs all the same.

* * *

“Why d’you always want to drink with me anyway, witch?” Skeptical of her intentions, his narrowed eye fixed itself on Nami as she approached him holding two maroon tinted bottles. She offered one to him and he accepted it – but he didn’t let his guard down yet.

Zoro lowered his gaze to check the label out, whistling long and low when he read 23% alcohol per volume. A couple puzzle pieces clicked together in his head ‘Oh, that’s why. Because if she tried to drink this with anyone else they’d pass out after two glasses.’

“Would you believe that I just like hanging out with you?” Though her tone was teasing she was actually being genuine, she had a lot of fun with him whenever they went out.

“No–“ He paused when Nami kicked him in the shin hard enough to make him swear. Reaching down with his free hand he rubbed the sore patch of skin and glared daggers at his crewmate. “What the fuck was that for?!”

“You said you’d be nice, Zoro! So be nice or I’ll charge you a hundred thousand beris for that bottle.” Nami uncorked hers but waited to hand the corkscrew over until he behaved himself. The look he was giving her would probably frighten a small child but she didn’t flinch.

‘This was his choice.’ He reminded himself. Of his own free will he chose to get drunk with Nami instead of napping, and that meant dealing with her bossiness no matter how much he loathed it. ‘Sometimes he just wanted to grab her by the shoulders and make her shut up, there were better things her mouth could be doing anyway-‘

“Why do you keep staring at me like that, do I have a zit or something?”

Zoro sat up so fast that he banged his shoulder on the underside of the countertop. ‘What the hell was that? What the hell was wrong with him?’ He hadn’t even opened the damn bottle and he was already making himself look like an idiot.

“No,” the swordsman grumbled, wracking his brain for a believable excuse, “Just thinking about how I’ll owe you money even after I’m dead if you keep charging me for bullshit.” That made her laugh and Zoro cursed himself for how much he liked hearing it. “Don’t see how it’s funny for me, witch.”

Nami let him take the corkscrew from her, eyes crinkled with amusement while he opened his bottle. “You’ll just have to stay alive until you pay me back in full, I guess!” She trilled before taking a long, heavy drink from hers.

“Yeah?” Zoro snorted before mimicking her and downing about half of the wine in the container. It tasted disgusting, which he’d expected, but that didn’t make the bitter aftertaste any less miserable. His nose wrinkled slightly as he set the bottle down. “I bet even if I did try to pay you off you’d find a way to charge me more.”

“You make me sound so heartless,” the navigator batted her eyelashes innocently, pretending to look hurt, “Why would I ever do such a thing?”

“Hah.” He scoffed before chugging some more wine and failing to keep track of how much he was drinking each time. “Because you want to keep me on a leash since I don’t throw myself at you like that dumbass cook.”

An impish smirk crawled it’s way onto Nami’s face that made him immediately regret what he’d just said. ‘Fuck. Damnit!’

“So…” She began slowly, savoring every second that the swordsman spent avoiding direct eye contact with her, “You admit that you are one of my lap dogs?”

A muscle in his jaw flexed and he stopped drinking for one second to grunt, “That’s not what I said.”

“That’s what I heard!” Chimed Nami as she rose from her seat, stepping over to Zoro and tracing a finger under his jaw while he drained the last few drops of liquid. “I should get you a collar, so people know who to bring you to when you get lost.”

Normally he would have snapped at her for poking fun at his sense, or lack thereof, direction but he wasn’t listening to her. She’d come close enough for him to pick up her scent and maybe it was the alcohol intensifying his feelings, but it was suffocating him in a good way.

He loved the way she smelled. Tangerines from her soaps mixed with salty seawater and traces of sunscreen. A hint of orange blossom, but only when she was close to him like this.

Zoro inhaled deeply through his nose and, without realizing it, his expression melted into something affectionate and gentle. ‘In two years she’d changed in so many different ways… but she still smelled the same. She still smelled like home.’

* * *

“What are you thinking about, Zoro?” Her voice void of it’s usual teasing tone, Nami’s curiosity was piqued by his sudden shift in demeanor. He looked soft and peaceful, like he didn’t have anything to worry about. She wanted to know why.

‘Ah, fuck.’ What was he supposed to tell her? That he was thinking about how good she smelled? ‘Yeah right.’ Zoro was quiet for a while, mulling over his words until he came up with an explanation that didn’t sound as creepy – but also wasn’t a lie.

“I guess..” he finally murmured, his gaze shifting to meet hers, “It’s just been a while and… I was thinking about how nice it feels to be back here, with everyone…” a brief pause then he added, “I missed you guys.” ‘Look at him being all gushy and emotional, this wine really was something else.’ Zoro reached to brush his fingertips by her temple, catching a stray lock of hair and tucking it behind her ear, “I missed you.”

When had Zoro ever been this honest with her about the way he felt? Never was the answer, but now he seemed to trust her well enough to know she wouldn’t spill his secrets. Nami took his face in both of her hands, surprising him, and pulled his head down so she could kiss his forehead. “I missed you too, Zoro.”

Something about hearing her say that she’d missed him too broke a dam in his chest that he’d been trying to keep together for two years. Hormoness flooded through his bloodstream quicker than Zoro could even process them and before he knew it he was practically throwing his arms around Nami’s waist and crushing her against his chest.

“Nami—” he pressed his face into her neck to hide the tears that he couldn’t hold back anymore. Sober he might have cared about losing it like this around her but she was here and… ‘He just – needed to hold her.’ Hold her and smell her and feel how real she was because she had almost been taken from him.

‘He’d barely begun to process what he had been through on Thriller Bark when they were attacked in Sabaody. If he tried to think back on it his memories would get hazy and his bones would ache from their very cores. He knew what had happened but it’s like his brain was protecting him from understanding how close to death he’d come. Then – to be torn away from the people he loved with all of his heart? Who he had just nearly killed himself to protect?

It had ripped him apart and rubbed salt into every wound. And it fucking hurt. The same kind of pain he felt when he saw Kuina dead on the floor of their dojo. He was scared, he was furious, he was devastated – all over again but this time it was so much worse. So, so much worse.

That was why he had trained so hard over the last two years. Because he couldn’t bear the grief that came with loving them so deeply – so he got stronger. And stronger. And stronger. No matter the cost to his body, he would become powerful enough to defeat anyone who crossed them. Then… He would never have to feel the agony that he did when he first woke up on Kuraigana Island ever again.

Taking on all of Luffy’s suffering in Thriller Bark had been the most physically painful experience of his entire life – but that was nothing compared to how much it hurt to think that his friends were gone forever, that he hadn’t been able to protect them.

Training made it easy not to think about what had happened -- but now he was home, and they were safe - and he was realizing just how close he’d come to losing all of them. At once. And he could do nothing to stop it.’

Startled by him grabbing her, Nami was prepared to give the pirate a good smack if he was getting handsy but… He started trembling. ‘Was he not feeling well?’ Her mouth opened to form the question then stopped. His breathing hitched while his entire body jerked and she realized…

‘Zoro was crying.’

Roronoa Zoro, who prided himself on his strength, was sobbing wretchedly into her neck. ‘He must have been holding this in since Sabaody.’ Nami’s heart ached for him and his stupid pride that forced him to torture himself instead of letting him cry like he needed to. She’d been expecting him to crash at some point, how couldn’t he? Even someone as strong as Zoro was still a human being.

One of her arms cradled his head while the other wound round his shoulders, her fingers combing gently through his hair. “Oh you sweet, sweet boy…” she spoke in the tone that Bellemere used to use when Nami and Nojiko were frightened by a passing thunderstorm. It always calmed her, maybe it would calm Zoro, too.

‘Quit fucking crying you loser you’re supposed to be a man.’ But he couldn’t, he literally could not stop because he was trying to. “I wasn’t strong enough,” his voice quivered at the edges and he hated it. ‘He was definitely never going to drink this kind of wine again ever. Not if it turned him into a blubbering mess like this every time.’

“Shhh, no. No. Don’t you dare try to blame yourself for what happened. Hey, look at me.” Nami urged his head off her shoulder and cupped his face in both of her palms, “None of us were strong enough, okay? Not even Luffy.” Each tear that fell she tenderly swept away with the pad of her thumb. The corner of her mouth turned up as she assured him, “But we are strong enough now. We can take care of each other. Nothing is ever going to tear us apart again, Zoro.”

‘She was right. Of course, she was right. He needed to have faith in his crewmates and his captain. They could do anything as long as they had each other.’ His breathing slowly evened out as he focused on anchoring himself back to reality. He wasn’t in Sabaody or Kuraigana – he was on the Sunny. In the bar, with Nami who had grown so much since he last saw her. The look in his eye softened like it had before his breakdown.

“You’re staring at me again, Zoro.” The navigator teased, her hands falling to rest on his shoulders. He hadn’t let go of her yet but she didn’t mind, he could hold on to her for as long as he needed.

A ghost of his usual smirk passed across his face. “Sorry, Nami…” Zoro took a little risk by leaning in to press a chaste but lingering kiss to her cheek, then traced a path with the edge of his nose to her ear, murmuring, “Wine makes me a little… Messy.”

#zona #zonami #zoro x nami #zona one-shots #zoro nami fanfiction #zonalove #zoro x nami fanfic

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warmau · 4 years

Text

“so,,,,,,,where exactly did you find them?”

the boy infront of you scratches the back of his head, his eyes shifting nervously to the floor

“outside the skate park.”

“someone just put them there? in a box?”

“yeah, like i told you - one second there was nothing and i was you know - skating - and then i looked back at the same spot and there was this box with -”

he motions and you look down at the four baby kittens, all curled around each other, all matted fur and raggedy looking tails

“ok. and you brought them here, which was the right thing to do - um-”

you look at him for a solid moment, piercings in every ear, nose ring, oversized hoodie, beat up board under his arm

“yuta. my names yuta.”

“well yuta, if they’re not yours then ill be taking them in as strays.”

he straightens up

“are you going to ..... are going to take care of them? or are you going to-”

you get what he’s insinuating from the way his face pales a little with fright

you shake your head, no - this isn’t a kill shelter first of all, and also kittens are always in demand to be adopted so once they get in healthy shape a loving family will probably take them in

you explain this all to yuta, who fidgets in front of the counter, and then leaves without a word when you ask him if there’s anything else you can help with

you are a little ticked at the rude exit, but a small and hungry meow shifts your focus

maybe four days pass - when the door to the shelter opens again

you’re on night duty, the other volunteer - taeyong - is in the back working on some adoption paperwork processing

and so you stand up and expect someone to scurry in as usual, looking ashamed and embarrassed, handing you off their ailing cat or misbehaving puppy

which isn’t the animals fault at all - but usually the incompetency of a novice owner

but instead you see yuta. again.

“are the kittens ok?”

you register the question and narrow your eyes

“listen if you didn’t just find them and were actually their owner you can’t jus-”

“no, no - id never abandon them like that - i-if they were mine.”

his eyes blaze a little and by the way his voice goes higher you realize he’s probably telling the truth

he has the some board under his arm and the same old looking hoodie - this time his hair is more messy, as if he came here in a rush

“i just wanted to make sure they’re ok.”

you tap your fingers against the counter and sigh

“follow me.”

he breaks into a smile but you snap your fingers and point to the board

“that thing stays out here.”

he obliges, leaning it up against one of the walls and tailing behind you as you open the door to the back

taeyong only shifts an eyebrow at the sight of you too - but goes back to flipping through papers as you stop in front of an incubator

“two of them are in here because they were in a critical condition, but the other two are over there - probably romping around with the others.”

yuta looks through the opening and the light reflects back on his face, the worried look he had been wearing turns into a heartwarming smile

and he coos at them a little before you almost have to drag him away

back behind the counter, you watch him pick his board up

this time he thanks you before he goes and asks;

“are you the one taking care of them?”

“for the most part, but other volunteers do too when im not on my shift. why?”

he pushes the door open and shrugs

“you seem like you’d do the best job at it - taking care of them and all.”

before you can even respond, and you can’t because the shock of the statement kind of paralyzes you, yuta is gone

all you see is him get on his board and skate away through the window

we’ve met once - well twice - but it’s nice i gave you such a good impression?

you check your watch two weeks later when you’re on night duty again. there’s no way he’s coming, but this is around the time he stopped by-

“hey.”

you look up and yuta’s at the counter. no board this time, but the same hoodie.

if you had known each other longer, you might have realized he got another stud in his right ear.

“are you here to finally adopt them?”

you ask, because you’re genuinely curious, also what other reason would he have for showing up here a third time

he shakes his head

“no, i can’t take care of them - even if i wanted to.”

you are about to tell him that’s a lame excuse, but you hear him mutter after

“i have to figure out how to take care of myself first.”

so you don’t answer, instead you motion for him to follow you

this time, you let him play with one of the kittens and you see the way he giggles and holds them carefully, they lean into him and although skittish with most

they seem comfortable and almost serene in the palm of his hands

you know you shouldn’t really be letting him back in here, but the happiness painted across him in the moment washes away any caution you would have harbored with anyone else

when you have to say goodbye this time, you are surprised that yuta asks when your night shift ends

“6 am.”

“woah, isn’t it still dark out then?”

“it’s the middle of summer so the sun comes out while im on the train.”

he nods, waves, and disappears again.

when your shift ends - you pack your things - and say goodbye to the animals and taeyong

you shrug your bag over your shoulder and don’t even realize yuta is sitting on the curb outside until you turn in the direction of the train and hear him go

“hey - wait!”

you feel slightly weird, but not unsafe as he walks beside you

“how long were you out there?”

“not that long, i went back to the skate park - skated till like 4ish with friends then just went down to the beach.”

“is that what you’ve been doing with your summer nights?”

you mean it as a bit of a joke, but he nods - running a hand through his hair - “not much else to do.”

“isn’t anyone worried you’re staying out that late?”

“no. no one tends to worry about me.”

you think about that phrase on the ride home.

realizing that you should have asked yuta about it when you had the chance

so instead you show up the next day at the skate park

you look around, and then you see him

he’s leaning against the fence - his board on the ground beside him, with his hoodie pilled ontop and a half finished energy drink

he’s got a sleeveless black tanktop on, messily tucked into scuffed looking jeans.

some other skaters are talking to him and he’s laughing

but he has his arms crossed and even though he looks part of the group

something about him is defensive and keeping others at bay

you don’t meant to stare, and you start thinking this was actually foolish of you to do, until he turns his head and catches your gaze

he jogs over - some people from inside the park wolf whistle and he flips them off

“i know you didn’t miss me or anything, so what are you doing here?”

you narrow your eyes - that’s the first thing he thinks to say?

“well, i just was thinking about something and- well ill just ask.”

he puts his hands in his pockets and looks at you in a way you are not used to being looked at

like he’s searching inside your expression for truthiness

or maybe safety

“is that why you brought the kittens to us. because you thought like you, no one else would worry about them?”

your voice is low, almost a whisper and the look on yuta’s face softens

“yeah.”

he chuckles, but you can tell it is sad

“kind of pathetic, huh?”

“no.”

you reject

“taking care of others is never pathetic.”

a silence quilts the conversation, but you don’t feel like it is depressive at all

instead you suddenly announce

“ill do it.”

“do what?”

“ill worry about you, so for starters, stop hanging out here until 4 am and go home and sleep.”

he’s smiling when he asks and so it betrays what point he’s trying to make

“hey, i didn’t ask for you to worry-”

“too bad. im making the decision to on my own. also, if you want to see the kittens, come during the day.”

surprisingly, yuta takes you up on the order

he shows up the following week at a normal hour of the day and when he’s playing with those kittens again

the light on his face is somehow stronger

he waits for you again to finish work, this time you ask him why - it’s light out and you don’t need to be walked to the train

“oh im not here to walk you to the train.”

“then why are you here?”

“to take you on a date.”

the date is - as you might have guessed - at the skate park

where you wobble around on the board as yuta holds you steady by the waist

you keep almost falling over so in due time you just tell him to let you give up

the two of you can go spread out on a bench and drink something cold instead

yuta agrees, but he insists that with more practice you’ll get better. you just don’t think so.

and this little day, becomes an almost weekly endeavor

you work your job at the shelter and yuta picks you up

you two usually end up doing absolutely nothing together, just walking around and talking

and yet it feels at the same time that you are doing everything together

everything that people do to survive

eating, talking, breathing, touching

when yuta first kisses you it is on the steps leading down into the train.

he kisses with an intensity you have never experience from anyone else before

so much so that you get shy and stop him because you are in public and it is broad daylight

“are you suggesting we continue somewhere more dark and private?”

he tickles against your ear and you push him playfully away

escaping down into the train before he can pick apart your embarrassment

needless to say, it does happen - how can it not when yuta ignores you telling him to not wait around after your night shift ends

and he’s there, and the summer darkness is sweltering, and he is too

and taeyong is off on sick leave, no one else is there to watch the animals with you and the little office in the back is cramped but it fits two people just perfectly

you mutter when you’re both getting dressed again that you hope the animals didn’t hear anything

and yuta, with just his jeans on - prances out to check on the kittens

then the day comes - when a young couple stops in and decides they’re going to adopt all four.

it’s bittersweet to let them go, and it almost hurts to tell yuta about it later on

with you pressed into his arms. but he just squeezes you.

“im happy they find someone that’ll worry about them.”

you agree and then his lips speak against your hair

“im happy i found someone who will worry about me too.”

you pull back and yuta waits for your reaction you lean in and kiss him gently

“im happy i get to worry about you, yuta.”

he grins and mumbles that you can’t say things like that and expect him not to keep falling more and more crazily in love with you.

but that’s exactly what you expect, and you expect that he’ll keep feeling that way

because you do

even years later

when it’s both your turn to finally worry about something together

“can we adopt four?”

“no, only one yuta.”

“fine - but what if we find four kittens like i did when we first met?”

you roll your eyes, “that’ll be a miracle.”

you walk through the doors of the shelter and are greeted with a wave from the receptionist

“are you guys looking for a dog or a cat?”

“we’re looking for a kitten, do you have any?”

yuta’s arm is around your waist and you want to tell him to stop looking at you and pay attention when the receptionist brightens

“yes! we actually just got a whole litter, would you like to see them.”

you nod and catch yuta’s wide eyes - he mouths

“a litter? isn’t that more than four? are we about to adopt like eight ca-”

you pinch his cheek, tell him to stop dreaming, but he just nuzzles in against your ear

the receptionist giggles into her palm at the affection between you two and you mumble that gosh, looks like you already adopted a big kitten all those years ago.

#the way im not posting this weeks after his actualy bday win for me #nct scenarios #nct au #yuta scenarios #yuta au #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 au #nct #yuta #sfw

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fullbusterfantasmic · 3 years

Text

Love Potion ♋️ Chapter 4.7

Rated M

It’s all NSFW (As it should be)

1,933 words

A/N: The first position mentioned is called the butterfly or some shit (maybe?) idfk but I like it, & the second is the reverse cowgirl. Formatting is wonky, I know please look past it.

🌬Gray’s POV

The shine her eyes had held has begun to rapidly be overtaken as the (e/c) darkens, while she beckons me closer.

Her mouth is right beside my ear as she says;

“Ravish me...lay your claim on me...let every touch from you send me reeling, and begging for more...show me everything you’ve imagined doing to me and lastly...share every feeling you’ve kept hidden from me”.

The intense requests she made ignites a fire somewhere within me. Flames are rapidly consuming the protective layers of ice I’d long ago placed over my heart. Barriers erected after Deliora’s first attack, reinforced following the death of Ur...gone in an instant. Her tongue runs along the outer shell of my ear, lips placing a kiss to my temple. Pulling away, she then collapses back onto the pillows behind her, now surveying me through darkened, heavily lidded eyes.

My teeth clench as the familiar darkness begins to surface and my internal struggle begins. She asked for it....so why not give it to her? I shouldn’t...I....I’m ready to...no I NEED to let her in that now open space within my heart, within my very barren soul.

You don’t know what you do to me...

✨Your Pov

Im nervous...

I may have asked too much, it was too soon for me to come on so strongly! He still has yet to look at me, and his long bangs obscure his eyes from view.

“Gray I-“

I began to try and retract my previous statement but he interupts me. “From the very first moment I laid eyes on you I thought you were the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen....and the most dangerous...” he moves out from between my legs, motioning for me to lay on my side. “ I knew if I got close to you I’d end up falling for you and that would put you at risk...”. One of his legs now rest underneath mine and my other rests over the top of his.

“Try as I might, I couldn’t force myself to get or stay away from you; somehow we always end up spending time together” he pauses, pressing a kiss to my temple before continuing; “ -and now we’re here...”.

The room is growing colder once more, goosebumps cover my exposed flesh and I lightly begin to shiver. My entire body is shaking by the time his voice reaches my ear; “With all that being said...I’m done explaining myself, and I’m done talking”.

“Now I’m going to fuck you senseless, this entire town will know you’re mine by sunrise” The vow is whispered to me in such an intimate way, it has my internal walls fluttering, before clenching around nothing. That is soon remedied; A surprised turned pleasurable cry slips out from between my lips as Gray effortlessly slides into me.

This position is a first for me, and experiencing it with this god like man...Said position has quickly become a “10 out of 10, must do again”. He holds my body so closely against his, and somehow those skilled fingers are still roaming up and down my sides. Occasionally pausing their ministrations to ghost across my chest or rub tantalizing circles Into my clit. The angle in which he thrusts into me puts the head of his cock in the perfect position to hit my G-spot each and every time he bottoms out.

The whole “I’m finished talking now” line was absolute bullshit! As soon the smug Ice mage was balls deep inside me, did the sinful whispers begin. Dear God! That deep husky voice alternating between uttering the most endearing things, having my eyes growing wet with tears. Only to make a flawless transition into speaking the most obscene and sensual promises (or threats), have my face continuing to burn red.

I was an absolute wreck.

“You should see yourself right now...Completely fucked out of your mind, slobbering all over, and tear stains coating your cheeks...yet still so breathtaking”. My enthralled lover may no longer be whispering, but the chill of his breath on my neck is still ever present. I don’t speak, I knew my ability of coherent speech had vanished long ago.

Gray doesn’t need my words to go off of now, not when my breath hitches and my body jerks involuntarily. “This one will be....number four right?” He sounds so proud. That wasn’t really a question, and I wouldn’t of answered it even if I could have.

As much as I craved release, my pride urged me to deny it. A small voice inside my head is saying; “Ignore the relentless tingling of your clit, the tight wound knot in your stomach, the pressure from that magnificent cock sinking itself into your deepest depths...”.

Dammit ___________, get it together!

You are a proud Fairy Tail mage; A living embodiment of strength, determination, and destroyer of adversity! You’ve let this man turn you into putty within his hands, he thinks he owns you! Now it’s time for you to reclaim your pride and turn the tables on him!

Who am I kidding?

🌬Grays POV

“Holding back now are we?”

I can’t help but tease her when she’s trying so hard to hide the fact that I have her teetering on the edge of bliss. She lets out and annoyed huff and I poke one of her inflated cheeks, making sure my cock is buried inside of her as far as it can go.

“You take my cock so well baby, you’re already starting to shape to me on the inside...you’ll be my perfect little cock sleeve in no time” I murmured before giving her another nice dark love bite to match the one on the other side of her neck. “I know you want to drench my cock some more” my ice coated finger flicks against her clit before circling over it.

“Hah!” she shrieks at the frozen contact to her bundle of nerves, involuntarily jerking and in turn slamming her hips backwards, burying my dick inside her once more. The tip of my head just barely makes contact with her cervix, and then her walls suddenly contract, clamping down around me. I have to give every effort to not paint them white as not only her ecstatic wail reaches my ears, but I look down just in time to see her lightly spritz the hand id been using to play with her clit.

For a moment my brain begins to short circuit, and then it just shuts down completely.

✨ Your POV

That was....incredible.

Several minutes pass with my mind reeling from the intense orgasm I’d just experienced. It’s like I’m drunk, but not from the alcohol I’d consumed earlier. Drunk from the dopamine flooding my brain, and my heart swelling with overwhelming feelings of love. Love....love for the man currently sharing my bed. Before I can turn to Gray and embarrass myself with a bunch of post orgasm love drunk rambling, I remember something....oh my god.

I sober up and am slammed back into reality almost instantly. My face begins to burn and I Stifle a cry of humiliation as I realize; I’d just squirted all over his hand! That’s never happened to me before! Gray hasn’t said one word...he’s been silent since it happened! He probably has a look of disgust on his face, I can’t bring myself to look and see.

I try to move,, intent on getting away to take refuge on the other side of the bed. His arms immediately constrict around me, “Oh no you don’t, you aren’t going anywhere!”. Suddenly he’s flat on his back keeping a firm grip on my hips as I’m forced to straddle him. Glancing over my shoulder I see the proud smirk he’s wearing, then he speaks; “Never had a girl do that before...I like it” giving me a wink afterwards. “Sh-Shut u-up” I mumble as I return my gaze to the wall in front of me, breathing deeply in attempt to calm my palpitating heart.

“Y’know normally I’d give you a little break but... I can’t...not after seeing you do that” he pauses, and I can’t see his eyes roaming over my back side, but I feel his hands slide down from my hips. Then a sharp SMACK resounds around the room, followed by my startled gasp. “Ride me...now!” a fierce growl preludes another sharp smack to my other ass cheek.

I don’t even bother to stop the excited shake that over takes my body, the sudden change into this demanding demeanor is thrilling! Keeping my back to him, I’m quick to position myself over his length and begin to sink down on it. The soft mewl I emit is drowned out by a hiss as the tip of his dick slips between my lips. “That’s it...good girl” he praises as he begins to rub out the red marks on my ass.

Eager to please I get straight to work.

Albeit a bit awkward at first, but Im able to get a steady rhythm going in no time. “So much better than in my dreams...fuckin’ hell __________ your ass is perfect! Yeah that’s it babe, bounce it just like that” Gray mumbles appreciatively, completely enamored with the sight in front of him. “Dream about me often do you?” I tease, throwing him a smug glance over my shoulder. “More often than I’d ever care to admit, now turn around and face me would you?.

I do as he asked, rotating my body to face him. He gently pulls me down towards him and I stop short, my face now inches above his own. My stomach feels like it’s filled with butterflies at the sudden closeness. Unsure of what to do I quietly whisper an awkward sounding “Hi”. A wide grin appears on his face as he responds; “Hi” followed quickly by a chuckle at my sudden awkwardness.

Now we’re both smiling at each other like complete dorks, and I’m compelled to lean forward and kiss him. I resume my ride as his tongue curls around mine, quickly losing myself in the passion of this moment. Gray is quick to pick up the slack, thrusting his hips upward each time mine sink down. The atmosphere in the bedroom has changed, we both feel it. When I say his name again it comes out in a breathy whine.

His eyes reflect an emotion I’ve never seen in them before and his tone is gentle when he says “I know baby, hold on just a little longer for me”. Strong arms wind themselves tighter around me, drawing my body in as close as possible as he speeds up the pace of his thrusts. “I want to feel you gush all over my cock when I finally get to cum inside you” his lips are on mine again, kissing me passionately while bouncing me up and down on his cock.“That okay with you baby? Do you want me to fill up this tight little cunt?”

My confession comes out quick and shameless; “Yes! God there’s nothing I want more right now, I’ve wanted that for ages!”.

“Tell me, who do you belong to now snowflake?”

“YOU! I belong to you now Gray”

“Tell me you need me”

“I need you, I never want to be without you, so please just-“

“Tell me...” he pauses, placing a hand on my cheek and staring into my eyes.

“Tell me you love me”.

#gray fullbuster #fairy tail #fanfiction #anime boys #gray fullbuster x reader #gray fairy tail #fairytail x reader #reader insert #gray x reader

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synmorite · 3 years

Text

Worth it

Summary: Claire has tried to be patient while waiting for the boys, but her patience has run out. Pairing: Sam x Dean, Dean x Claire x Sam Word Count: 3180 Rating: 18+ Warnings: 18+ only, Wincest, language, nudity, teasing, drinking, smut, light bondage, oral sex (m and f receiving), edging, anal sex, unprotected p in v, rough sex, threesome Created for: @j3bingo - Threesome square A/N: This is the final part of my ‘Brat’ series. It’s been fun! Also this is my first bingo fic! Woo!

~~~

Claire liked to think she was patient. She knew she was lying to herself, but it was a nice thought. Ever since the boys agreed to let her watch them together, she stuck with them. Normally, she would be on her way after a good fuck until the next time. But she just couldn’t wait. She needed to see them together. It was all she could think about. The boys fucking knew it too. There were more lingering touches between them. More groping. More kissing. More flirting. More of everything. Well, everything except what she wanted most. To see them fuck each other. She stayed with them, hunt after hunt after hunt. She practically lived with them in the bunker when not hunting. And just to make matters worse, neither one of the boys would fuck her either. She was feeling extra horny and tried with Sam first. Maybe if she had tried with Dean first, she might’ve gotten somewhere. But Sam was sitting in the library doing research while Dean was out at a bar. She walked into the library just wearing panties and a t-shirt. Hopping up onto the table, she sat cross-legged. Sam glanced up at her and laughed. Claire pouted at him. “Nice try, Claire. Subtlety is not your strong suit.” She gave up quickly on Sam, and tried Dean next. She waited till he was in the shower and then walked in and stripped before joining him. He smirked at her and grabbed the soap. He ran it down her skin, but stopped right before he reached the juncture of her thighs. Tracing his finger back and forth over her wet skin, Dean leaned forward and whispered into her ear, “Sammy told me what you’ve up to, little girl. He thinks you should wait.” Dean pulled his hand away and put the soap back as Claire whined at him. “But I don’t want to, Dean.” “You remember that having a lack of patience is how you got into this mess? You didn’t wait with those vamps, so you had to be punished. Still haven’t learned your lesson then, have you?” Dean stepped out of the shower and grabbed his towel as he left Claire under the running water. ~

It was two months. She knew that there was no way they hadn’t had sex in that time which just made her so much madder that they were clearly just playing with her. If she wasn’t getting to hunt so much, she would have just left them. Maybe she would have. Ok, probably not. But that was also two months that she hadn’t gotten any sex, so she was a bit on the irritable side. Ok fine, a lot on the irritable side. So when the boys dragged her out on a ghoul hunt, she was more than a little pissy with them. She tossed her bag in the back of the Impala and put her earphones in as soon as she settled in the seat. She could see both Sam and Dean trying to talk to her during the drive, but she continued to give them the silent treatment until they gave up. It was already 9pm when they finally pulled into the motel. As soon as Dean unlocked the door to their room for the next few days, she shoved past him ignoring his indignant “Hey!”, dropped her bag on one of the beds, and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind herself. She stared into the mirror for a moment before getting angry with herself for hanging around. They probably changed their minds about letting her watch and just didn’t know how to tell her. Sighing heavily, she decided that she didn’t want to wait anymore. She wanted to get fucked and she wanted to get fucked tonight. She opened the bathroom door and was surprised to see the motel room empty. She saw the boys’ bags on the other bed before spotting the note left on the little table in the kitchenette. Picking up the note, all it said was that they went for food and would be back soon. She crumpled the note and threw it in the trash before opening her bag and pulling out a short denim skirt and a low cut black top. She changed and then pulled her boots and leather jacket back on. She made sure that she had her phone and wallet with her fake ID before calling an Uber to take her to a bar just outside of this little podunk town. There was a bar across the street from the motel, but she didn’t want any of the hicks that might be there. The bar outside of town seemed to be more popular with people her age. Once the uber driver dropped her off, she went in and settled down in a seat at the bar. She ordered a shot of whiskey and a beer before gazing through the crowd to find someone acceptable to take her home for the night. Her hungry gaze landed on a guy with stubble and shaggy hair. He had a smirk to die for and seemed to be a little older than most of the modest crowd. He was sitting at the other end of the bar also surveying the crowd. Claire smirked to herself and threw back the shot before picking her beer up and heading over to him. He spotted her and smiled brightly. She sat down on the stool next to him and leaned forward so her breasts were pushed up. The guy’s gaze immediately flicked downward to look before dragging back up to her face. “See something you like?” She asked, taking a sip of her beer. “Oh yeah. Definitely. I was beginning to lose hope at finding anything interesting here. How about you? Anything you like?” His voice was just deep enough for her liking. “Yea, I think so.” She let her gaze drag up and down him appreciatively. “M’name’s Graham.” “Katie.” Claire said, giving the name on her ID. In less than an hour, Claire and Graham were kissing hungrily in a back hallway of the bar. She pulled away for air and he immediately started licking and kissing at her throat. He wasn’t bad, but he definitely wasn’t good. Claire just hoped the sex would be better than the kissing. “C’mon, let’s get out of here and go somewhere more private.” She said as she pulled his head away from her neck. “Yeah, okay.” Graham said breathlessly. Grabbing his hand, she pulled him back towards the front door of the bar. As soon as the door shut behind them, her heart dropped at the sight in front of her in the parking lot. Sam and Dean were leaning against Baby and staring at Claire. “Oh, shit.” She said. Dean looked positively murderous while Sam looked calm and collected, but she could feel the waves of anger

flowing off of him. She looked back at Graham, trying to decide if it was even worth it at this point. Sighing heavily, she said to him, “Look, you might want to go find some other chick in the bar, cause this isn’t gonna happen.” “Wait, what? I just spent the last hour with you! You owe me!” Unfortunately for him, Graham said that loud enough for the boys to hear and Dean had the guy by the throat before he could take another breath. “The fuck you just say to her?” He growled. “Who the fuck are you?!?! Lemme go!” Graham tried to pull Dean’s fingers off his throat. “Dean, c’mon, he’s not worth it.” Claire urged. Dean growled again before throwing Graham away from him. “Damn right he’s not.” Dean stared hard at him. “Get the fuck home. Now.” Graham scrambled away to a beat up old car before peeling off out of the parking lot. Once he was out of sight, Dean turned his glare to Claire and she flinched. “And you get the fuck into the car now. We’re going back to the motel.” She heard the door of the Impala open and saw that Sam opened the back door for her. She slinked off into the backseat. It was dead silent on the ride back to the motel. Once they made it back, Sam levelled Claire with a look and said, “Go to bed, Claire.” She opened her mouth to argue about how she was 18 and they couldn’t tell her what to do, but seeing the stony looks on both of their faces, she decided she wouldn’t test them. She stripped out of her clothes and pulled on a large T-shirt to sleep in before crawling under the covers and shutting her eyes. It wasn’t long before she fell asleep.

Something was wrong. There were strange noises in the dark and Claire couldn’t move right. She heard a grunt and her eyes shot open. The room was dim with only a table lamp on, but her eyes immediately focused on the two bodies in the bed next to hers. Two naked bodies. Sam was leaning over Dean, kissing him deeply. He was also slowly jerking Dean’s cock in his hand. Dean let out another grunt as Sam twisted his wrist on the upstroke. Claire immediately felt wetness pool between her thighs at the noise. She tugged on her wrists and realized that they were tied to the headboard. She also realized that she was completely naked. When she looked back at the boys, Sam was smirking at her. Dean’s head was thrown back as he gasped with Sam’s hand movements. “Looks like someone finally woke up for the show.” Sam kept his eyes on Claire as he leaned back down and took one of Dean’s nipples between his teeth. Dean grunted and thrust up into Sam’s hand. Claire went to squeeze her thighs together and realized that her ankles were tied to the opposite end corners of the bed so that she couldn’t do anything to create any friction for herself. “Yeah, I cannot believe you slept through Dean tying you down and stripping you.” “Please, Sam.” “Oh no, baby girl. I told you that you’d be tied down. And you haven’t been very patient over the last couple of months, have you? Not to mention the stunt you pulled tonight. So absolutely no touching, babygirl. Not if you want either one of us to play with you.” Claire whined out, “Okay, Sam,” knowing that there were no other options. Any options she wanted anyway. Dean’s eyes turned to Claire and she held his gaze as Sam lowered down and took Dean’s length in his mouth. Dean’s mouth fell open as a hand weaved into Sam’s chestnut hair and held on. Sam licked and sucked until Dean was bucking up softly into Sam’s mouth. His eyes still trained on Claire, Dean asked, “Can I taste her, Sammy? Please?” Sam pulled off of Dean with a small pop. “Okay, Dean. Because you have been such a good boy for me, I’ll let you taste her. But she’s not allowed to cum. I’ll let her get my dick nice and wet for you while you play with her.” Dean nodded eagerly before scrambling over to Claire. She was already spread wide so he settled between her thighs and licked a long stripe up her center. She gasped at the sudden touch. Dean let out a happy sigh as he continued to lick and suck at her. Sam climbed over her so his knees were above her shoulder. “Suck.” He commanded. She lifted her head and eagerly took Sam’s length into her mouth, swirling her tongue around his tip before pushing forward to take as much of him as she could. The angle was awkward, but Sam understood and didn’t try to control her actions. He let her go at her own pace. She could feel a climax approaching and hummed around Sam, but Dean slowed his ministrations, letting her orgasm melt away. Once she was no longer on the edge, he picked back up until she was close again before slowing down and letting it fade. She groaned in dissatisfaction as Dean edged her a third time. Sam grinned down at her. “What the matter, baby girl? Want something?” She pulled off of him and pleaded, “Please, Sam. Just let me cum. Please.” Sam leaned down and stroked a thumb over her lower lip. “Hmm. How about I let you have one orgasm tonight. Just one. Do you want it now, or would you rather have a cock in you?” She threw her head back in frustration. “Careful now, baby girl. If you’re a brat, you’ll get nothing.” Immediately, Claire calmed herself. “I’m sorry. I’ll wait until you decide I can have a cock.” Dean was still licking at the slick pouring from Claire’s hole when she felt him press a finger into her. She gasped and jerked up, and Sam turned to look at his brother. “Seems I have two brats tonight. I told you that you could taste, Dean. I didn’t say you could finger her.” “But Sammy, she’s so soft, and wet, and warm.” “And wouldn’t you rather feel that around your cock instead of your finger? If you’re not careful, I won’t let you cum either, Dean.” Dean immediately

pulled his finger free. “Sorry, Sammy. I’ll be good.” “Good. Now it’s time to get that hole of yours ready for me.”

Claire had never seen Dean look so desperate. So wrecked. Hell, she had never seen him so submissive. He was always so dominant with her. He gripped the sheets in his fists and whined and whimpered with every thrust of Sam’s cock in his ass. “Please, Sammy. Harder. You can go harder.” “Such a little whore for me, Dean. So hungry for his baby brother’s cock.” Sam snapped his hips against Dean harder. Dean let out a gasp and buried his face into the bed. She could hear Dean breathing out and chanting “fuckfuckfuck” as Sam continued to pound into him. She felt a shiver of desire run through her body as her gaze remained intent on the two brothers. She twisted against her restraints and whined. Sam’s gaze locked on her and he pulled his cock free of Dean’s. “Sammy, please!” Dean begged. Sam gave him a hard smack across his ass. “I want you to fuck her. Destroy that little pussy.” Dean turned and looked at his little brother. “But I want you to fuck me.” He whined. Sam smirked, “Who said I wasn’t going to fuck you too?” Dean didn’t hesitate to climb back onto Claire’s bed. He shoved a thick finger into her to try and open her up a little. She gasped at the sudden intrusion and bucked against his hand. Sam was still kneeling on the other bed, stroking his cock. Dean pushed a second finger into Claire and she winced at the stretch. “Enough, Dean. Fuck her.” Dean frowned at his brother. “She’s still too tight.” “But she’s wet enough. I can hear how wet she is. She’ll loosen up once you get going. Besides, it’s not about her tonight. She is being punished after all.” Claire looked back and forth between them. Dean still looked unsure. “Fuck me, Dean. I can take it. I want it.” Dean didn’t hesitate any more and lined himself up before pushing in. He had to fight for every inch he gained inside her as she panted at the burn. Once he was fully seated, she threw her head back, blonde hair scattered all over the pillow. Dean’s forehead rested against her chest and his forearms wrapped under her shoulders as he breathed deeply. She could feel his legs quivering as he tried to control himself. He jerked suddenly and Claire looked down to see that Sam was standing over them, stroking a hand up and down Dean’s back. “How’s that feel, De?” “Fuckin’ tight.” Dean grunted back. The bed dipped as Sam climbed on behind Dean. His large hands gripped Dean’s hips as he rubbed his cock over Dean’s ass. Dean shuddered deeply and pulled back from Claire to push himself back against Sam. Claire thrust her hips, but her movement was limited since she was still tied down. Sam noticed and reached over to tug the knots around her ankles free. She immediately pulled her legs up to wrap around Dean’s waist. She felt Sam run his hands up and down her legs before gripping her thighs and pulling her into Dean. Dean groaned at the feeling before lifting his head and kissing Claire hard, shoving a tongue into her mouth. She started to grind her hips against Dean, needing more. “No baby girl. Stay still.” Sam ordered. She obeyed reluctantly and felt his hands return to Dean’s hips. Dean’s cock twitched inside her as Sam slid back into Dean’s tight warmth. “Fuck us, Dean.” Sam commanded. Dean shuddered as he started a slow rhythm of fucking into Claire while fucking back into Sam. Before long, his speed picked up and Claire was holding onto the ropes around her wrists desperately. Sam growled and started shoving hard into Dean, pushing him into Claire and breaking his rhythm. Dean whined out, “Sammy, ‘m gonna cum if you keep that up.” “Then do it. Fill that bitch up.” Claire and Dean moaned in unison as Sam continued his rapid, hard thrusts. Claire felt the coil tighten in her belly and could tell that Dean was close too as he started to throb inside her. Dean’s chest was pressed against hers and as she felt the dam inside her break, she bit hard into his shoulder. Dean gasped and used his grip under her arms to her shoulders to pull her onto him as deep as he could get before unloading himself inside her. “Fuck!” Sam cried out as he gave a few more hard shoves

into Dean before stilling and grunting as he came himself. He had a tight grip on Dean’s hips that looked like it would leave bruises. They all stayed in their positions, breathing deeply before Claire managed to chuckle out “God, that was fucking amazing!” Both boys let out light laughs of their own as Sam pulled free of Dean slowly and collapsed to the side of Claire. Dean then pulled himself out of Claire and laid down on her other side. “Uh, boys? You gonna untie me?” “Oh, shit. Sorry, sweetheart.” Dean mumbled before leaning up to pull the knot at her wrist free, while Sam undid the other. Once she was free, Dean curled into her side and wrapped an arm around her waist. Sam pulled the blanket up over the three of them before moving arm under Claire’s head and holding the arm of Dean’s that was around Claire’s waist with his other arm. He kissed Claire’s cheek and mumbled, “Sorry we made you wait so long, baby girl. Hope it was worth it in the end.” “Yea, Sam. It was most definitely worth it.”

#j3bingo #dean x claire x sam #dean x claire x sam smut #spn smut #wincest #smut #spn fanfic #spn fanfiction #synmorite #synmoritewrites

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thisdreamplace · 3 years

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ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

#eiypo

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plaidbooks · 4 years

Text

Liquid Courage

A/N: Okay, so, this Sonny Carisi x reader fic was literally just an excuse to write drunk!Sonny. Idk how it got so long, but here we are. My headcanon is that Sonny is...touch starved is the wrong adjective. Affectionate? Touchy? Something. Hope y'all enjoy!

Tags: SVU talk, alcohol mention

Words: 3270

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @storiesofsvu @lv7867 @cycat4077 @barbasimp @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @reading--mermaid @glimmerglittergirl @alwaysachorusgirl @detective-giggles @crowleysqueenofhell @dreamlover31

You were standing in the vast hallways of the courthouse, waiting to hear if your testimony helped at all. You were a Medical Examiner for the Manhattan NYPD, meaning you couldn’t tailor your statements like the detectives or victims could; you only spoke about the facts. And the facts were simple; with the injuries the deceased sustained, they died from asphyxiation. Could it have been caused by their husband wrapping a soft material around their throat? Of course. Could it also have been caused by the victim hanging herself in her room? Yes, it could. The same could be said for a thousand other scenarios. The difference was the husband was found to be abusive, and it was highly suspected that he killed her. But that was the detective’s job. Yours was to give them the facts. Did you want the sick fuck behind bars? Of course, but that wasn’t what you were called for—no opinions, just facts.

The SVU squad caught up with you quickly; Olivia, Amanda, Fin, and Sonny. You adverted your eyes when you saw Sonny; you had a crush on him, though you were only friends. At first, you were just the ME, hardly talking to him…or any of the squad, really, outside of work-related things. But he was charming and made it a point to talk to you every time he visited about, well, everything. Soon enough, you knew all about his family, and he knew about yours. He even invited you over for game night with the squad a few times.

“Jury back yet?” you asked as they got closer. You asked Olivia, but your eyes darted to Sonny a few times, your cheeks burning. He, of course, decided to stand right next to you, close enough to touch.

“Not yet; it’s only been a few hours—” Olivia was cut off as her phone pinged. She pulled it out of her pocket, glancing at the screen. “Never mind; jury’s back now.” You followed them to the courtroom, and congratulated them all, including Barba, when the jury came back with a guilty conviction.

“Celebratory drinks?” Amanda asked, grinning. Everyone agreed with that…except for you.

Sonny looked to you expectantly, but you shook your head. “I’d love to, but I’d rather decompress at home,” you replied, smiling sheepishly.

The detectives all nodded in understanding. Sonny patted your arm lightly, muttering a, “you’ll be missed. See ya on Monday,” before following his coworkers. You trailed behind before splitting from the group, heading home while they headed in the direction of Forlini’s.

*****************

You were at home, reading a book while soft piano music played softly on your speakers. You jumped as your phone rang. Looking at the id, you cocked an eyebrow. Sonny was calling you?

“Hey, Sonny; everything okay?” you asked as you answered.

There was loud music playing and voices before Sonny’s voice overpowered them all. “Heyyyy doll! I hope you’re doing okaaaay.”

Oh god, he was drunk. You let out a little huff of laughter, shaking your head. “I’m doing just fine, Son. How’re you?”

“I-I miss you,” he hiccupped, and your cheeks burned. “I wanted to l-let you know….” He pulled away from the phone for a moment, talking to someone before he was back. “I app-appreciate all you do, and I-I looooove youuuu~.” He dragged out the last two words, saying them in a sing-song voice.

Your heart leapt into your throat. He was obviously drunk; he didn’t mean it like that…or did he? “Do you need me to come pick you up?” you asked, concerned.

Sonny’s words all melded together and you couldn’t understand what he was saying anymore.

“Okay, I’ll be right there. Stay. There,” you ordered, pulling your shoes on. At least he was with his squad. He slurred something else unintelligible before hanging up, and you rolled your eyes, a small grin on your lips.

********************

You made it to Forlini’s in record time, glancing around at the patrons, looking for the lanky detective. He wasn’t too hard to find; in the corner of the bar was the whole SVU squad, and Sonny was loud. He was laughing at something, pounding his hand on the table, his head thrown back as he guffawed. Picking out a path towards him, you weaved through the crowded bar feeling completely out-of-place in your sweats and loose shirt.

Once close enough, you reached a hand out, laying your hand on Sonny’s elbow. He jumped, whipping around to look at you and almost falling off his seat in the process. His cheeks were rosy, and he had the widest grin on his face as his watery eyes focused on you.

“You came! Can I b-buy you a drink?” Sonny asked loudly, his voice carrying over the rest of the cacophony in the bar.

You gave him a soft smile. “Actually, I think it’s time to take you home, Son,” you replied. The rest of the squad seemed to be in various states of sober or tipsy, but Sonny was obviously the one that was gone. He didn’t object as you helped him stand, waving a goodbye to the rest of the squad, and pulling him through the bar.

“Guys! The hot ME is taking me home!” Sonny yelled, and you ducked your head, your face on fire. Other drunks in the bar congratulated him, and you as well, as you made your way through the throng. You just wrapped an arm tighter around Sonny’s waist, pulling him towards the exit.

Once outside, Sonny wrapped his arms around your midsection, pulling you close to him. “Have I told you how much I love you?” he asked, resting his head on top of yours.

“You may have mentioned it on the phone,” you commented, trying to drag him towards your car.

Sonny was having trouble walking straight, mostly because he was trying to wrap himself around you. “I mean it, d-doll. You’re so fuckin’ smm-art and pretty and funny and cute and beautiful…” he trailed off, leaning almost completely on you now, his weight crushing you.

“Uh huh,” you replied, smiling despite yourself. You knew he was only saying this because he was drunk; sober-Sonny would never be like this. It left a pang of sadness in your heart, because you really did like him. But come tomorrow, he’d remember none of it, and life would go back to normal.

You made it to your car and deposited him in the passenger seat, buckling him in. Sonny attempted to get out, but the seatbelt held him down. He seemed confused, pulling at the material across his chest as you slid into the driver’s seat. You cracked his window so that he’d get some fresh air and pulled away from the curb. You knew where he lived, so you headed in that direction.

“Love you,” Sonny muttered, his eyes glued to your face. You smiled, ignoring the fluttering those words made burst forth. Only in your wildest dreams did Sonny say those words to you, but he’s said it so much tonight...at least it would fuel some late night fantasies. You jumped as his hand connected gently with your head. You were about to ask what he was doing until you realized; he was petting your hair.

“So soft…” he breathed, his fingers twining through the strands of hair. Your breathing hitched slightly, and you tried to focus on the road.

“Is there a reason you’re petting me?” you asked, chuckling lightly.

“Cause your hair is so soft, so pretty…feels so nice,” Sonny replied. You were thankfully getting close to his place when you noticed him moving; it seemed like he was trying to fight the seatbelt, but couldn’t quite figure it out.

“What are you doing?” you asked, alarmed.

Sonny grunted against the impossible belt holding him down. “Wanna cuddle. Wanna hold you.” He said it almost angrily, but that was directed more at the damned seatbelt holding him from you.

“Sonny, stop struggling; wait until we’re not in the car,” you instructed. He let out a huff of defeat, sinking into the seat grumpily before dissolving into giggles.

You pulled up in front of his apartment complex shortly after. As you got out and came around to his side, you let out a chuckle, watching Sonny fight and lose against the seatbelt. You hurried to open his door, leaning across him, and clicking his seatbelt off.

“Freedom!” Sonny cheered as you helped him out of the car. Though, now free of the car, nothing stopped him from draping his body over yours, leaning over your back.

“Sonny, this isn’t helpful—” you started before he cut you off.

“Mmm cuddles,” he murmured, his voice directly in your ear, slurring even worse than before.

You struggled under his weight as he forced more of himself on you, wrapping his arms completely around your torso and arms, leaning almost completely on top of you, forcing you to bend forwards under his weight. “S-Sonny…I need you to walk with me, man,” you huffed, trying to take the few steps into his building.

“Can we cuddle, though?” Sonny asked, wrapping a leg around your waist.

You had to stop walking, spreading your legs so that he didn’t completely throw you off balance. “Oh my god; yes, we can cuddle. But let’s get inside first.”

Reluctantly, he peeled himself off you…mostly. He kept his arms around you as you tried to hurry to his door, before he changed his mind and rewrapped around you.

“Keys?” you asked as you made it to his apartment.

Sonny seemed barely conscious at this point, leaning fully on you again, but from the side this time. You had to lean partly against the wall to keep from falling. “You’rrrrre prettyyy,” he hummed in your ear.

“Yes, thank you. Where’s your keys?” you repeated. Sonny swayed on his feet, blinking slowly, showing no signs of hearing you. You sighed, reaching into his pockets, searching for any kind of jingling. You found his phone and wallet easily enough before your fingers closed around his keyring.

As you pulled your hand out of his pants pocket, he said in a low voice, “I like when you touch me.”

Heat rushed to your face, and you ignored him, as well as the rush of arousal you felt, and unlocked the door. “Come on,” you grunted, dragging him over the threshold. You half led, half carried Sonny back to his bedroom. Once his bed was in sight, Sonny extracted himself from you, moving to collapse onto the mattress, face-first and laying diagonally across it, legs dangling off the side. Bending down, you were able to get his shoes off quickly before he rolled onto his back.

He reached out for you, muttering, “cuddles” over and over again as you shook your head at him.

“Hold on, Son. Let me go to the bathroom really quick,” you lied. You had no intentions of cuddling with him, nervous about what he may do. Sonny was a good guy, but alcohol was a hell of a drug.

He nodded to you, letting his arms fall to his sides. You quickly leaned over him, loosening his tie and pulling it off. “Be right back,” you said, leaving his room and closing the door behind you.

Searching in his kitchen, you quickly found glasses. You filled one with water before heading back towards his room. You debated finding food for him, but water seemed more important right now. That is, until you opened his bedroom door and found him passed out. Sighing once more, you deposited the glass on his nightstand, then reached into his pockets, pulling out his wallet and phone. His charger was laying on the floor by the nightstand, and you plugged in his phone while he snored loudly. Then, as gently as you could, you lifted his legs and pulled them to the bed, angling him so that his head was on the pillows…more or less.

Shaking your head slightly and fighting a smile, you crept out of his room, letting him sleep it off. You wondered if you should just go home, but you were worried about him; he had gotten pretty drunk. Making your way back to the kitchen, you glanced in his fridge. He kept it well-stocked, and you vaguely remembered him telling you he liked to cook. Nodding to yourself, you went to the couch in the living room, making yourself comfortable, and falling asleep quickly.

********************

You awoke early in the morning. The apartment was silent, and you stretched before getting up. After splashing some water in your face while in the bathroom, you made your way to the kitchen. You took out the eggs, bacon, sausage, mushrooms, cheese, and salsa you had found the previous night. You weren’t a whiz in the kitchen, but you could make an omelet easily enough. Searching through cabinets for pans, you also found a cheese grater. You glanced at the potatoes in a basket on the counter, deciding to add some hash browns to the mix. Greasy food was the best for hangovers. Finding the pans, you started grating the potatoes, letting them cook a bit before starting on the meat.

There was a beep behind you, and you jumped before you realized it was the automatic coffeemaker. You searched until you found mugs, then made yourself a cup as you cooked. Once the meat and potatoes were done, you turned everything to low, waiting for Sonny to wake up. Eggs don’t take much to cook, and you could make them as he showered or drank coffee.

As if your thoughts summoned him, you could hear Sonny shuffling about in his room. The door slowly opened, and a very disgruntled-looking Sonny stumbled out of his room. Since waking, he had stripped down to his boxers and undershirt, making your cheeks burn. His eyes were barely open, and his hair hung limply on his face as he rubbed his head.

When he caught you in his kitchen, he froze, eyes going wide. “Wh-what are you doing here?” he muttered. His eyes traveled over the various pans on the stove before coming back to your face. “Wait…please tell me we didn’t….”

“N-no! I just gave you a ride home last night, then slept on your couch to make sure you didn’t die from alcohol poisoning,” you explained. Though, you were slightly disappointed with how upset he seemed about potentially sleeping with you.

Sonny nodded, moving to make himself a cup of coffee. “And the breakfast is just a bonus?”

“I figured you’d need the help. You were pretty…fucked up last night,” you smiled, and he groaned.

“Please tell me I didn’t do anything too embarrassing,” he mumbled as you cracked the eggs into the pan.

You salted and peppered the eggs, then moved to poke at the hash browns, making sure they weren’t sticking to the pan. “I wasn’t there at the bar, so you’d have to ask your squad for that story. But, uh, I did watch you lose a fight to a seatbelt.”

“Fucking fantastic,” he replied, letting out a soft chuckle. He came over to you as you flipped the eggs, watching you work. “That it? Nothing else? Because I did wake up fully clothed, minus shoes and a tie.”

Your cheeks burned and you kept your eyes on the eggs as you put the mushrooms on top. “I’ve learned you really want cuddles when drunk…and that you think my hair is soft.” You didn’t dare look at him as you sprinkled some cheese on the mushrooms, then folded half the eggs on top of it. You plated the omelet, pouring some salsa on top and adding more cheese. “The tie just seemed like a safety precaution.”

You kept your eyes on the food, even as you felt Sonny staring at you. Once you had scooped hash browns, sausage, and bacon onto the plate, you chanced a glance at him, offering him the plate. Sonny’s eyes bored into yours, holding you there for what seemed like forever before he took the plate from you.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

You gave him a small smile. “Anytime,” you breathed back. Sonny moved to a free spot on the counter, taking small bites of food. But his eyes went wide as he tasted it, and he started shoveling food into his mouth. Grinning, you scooped the rest of the food onto another plate before moving to soak the pans.

You ate in silence, pausing only to drink coffee. Having less food, you finished first, then moved to start doing the dishes.

“No, no. You made this amazing food; I’ll do dishes,” Sonny said, swallowing hard.

You shook your head. “It’s fine, Son; I made a mess of your kitchen. I’ll clean it—”

“Like hell you will. First, you made sure I made it home safe. Second, you stayed the night to make sure I didn’t die. And third, you made me the best breakfast I’ve had in a long time—I swear my hangover is gone. You are not doing dishes.”

You smirked. “Okay fine, you win.” Instead, you finished your coffee, rinsing the mug out in the sink. Sonny continued eating, and you felt awkward standing in his kitchen. “So…I guess I’ll see you at work?” you said as a way of goodbye. You grabbed your phone off the counter, slowly making your way to his door.

“Wait!” Sonny called out, following you out of the kitchen. You cocked an eyebrow at him, and he shifted on his feet. “I-I feel like I should give you a better thank you for all you’ve done for me.”

“It’s fine, Sonny, really. That’s what friends are for, right?” you shrugged.

Sonny seemed to fight with himself for a moment before he muttered, barely audible for you to hear, “what if…I don’t want to be just friends?”

“What?” you asked, your heart racing. He wasn’t drunk anymore, and if what he was saying was true….

He came closer to you. “What if I don’t want to be just friends?” he repeated. “It seems like…drunk me was at least trying to flirt with you…. Something sober me is too damn nervous to even attempt.” When you still didn’t respond, he let out a huff. “What I mean is, I-I like you…a lot. And I’d, uh, I’d like to get to know you better?”

“You’re not still drunk, are you?” you asked, half-joking. Sonny shook his head, eyes wide. “Okay, good. Because you kinda did profess your love to me last night…but I was afraid that it was only because you were drunk.”

Sonny ran a hand over his face. “Did I really? I’m…so sorry if I made you uncomfortable—”

“No, it’s fine, really. I, uh…I’ve liked you for a while now. I was just worried that it was your drunk self that liked me, and not, uh, you,” you explained.

Sonny smiled sarcastically. “Drunk me says what sober me is thinking…most of the time.” He rubbed his neck anxiously. “So, uh, can we go on a date? No alcohol, I promise.”

You chuckled. “I’d like that. You obviously have my number—call me?”

“Of course. Let me clean up here—myself as well as the sink—and then I’ll give you a call,” Sonny grinned genuinely this time, and you melted.

“Sounds good. Talk to you soon.” You made your way out of his apartment, giving him a small wave. As he closed the door behind you, you broke out in a wide grin, excited for a date with Detective Carisi.

#sonny carisi x reader #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfic #fanfic #my writing #I need to hang out with drunk Sonny

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anotheronechicagobog · 4 years

Text

Rangers, Lead the Way

Written by: @anotheronechicagobog

Warnings: Swearing, canon compliant violence, I had to use a lot of material from the actual episode, mention of domestic abuse

tagging: @detectiveinchicago

A/N: So, this is a new series. Basically, OA Zidan (FBI), Jay Halstead (Chicago PD), and Kenny Crosby (FBI: Most Wanted) all went to Ranger training together and kept in touch, something that was useful when they couldn’t be the one to keep their ‘partner’ safe and need to call one of the others for assistance when their ‘paartners’ are temporarily working with another member of the trio.

OA wasn't a name that he'd heard in a long time. They weren't in the same unit but they were in Rangers training together. Jay was one of the only two people there who didn't have it out for him solely because of his religion, while he was shocked to find a Muslim among the ranks at first, he quickly got over it. Not only did he trust that his superiors wouldn't let a terrorist into the army at all, let alone Ranger training, but OA was a U.S. citizen, and had a very personal hatred for everyone who sullied the name of Islam and used it for violence and their own personal gain. So he and Kenny Crosby befriended OA despite the shock and ignorance from their brothers and sisters in arms. They studied together, trained together, ate together, and bunked together. When they'd all been given different assignments they made sure to stay in touch. And they continued to call, email, and text each other after they'd all been discharged.

When Hailey got temporarily assigned to New York Jay was... Well, it's hard to describe how he felt. It was such a nightmarish combination of devastated, terrified, and heartbroken. It was like an icy hand had enclosed around his throat and was slowly squeezing, painfully closing his throat, all while his heart was being dissected out of his chest by another. Not only was he reliving one of the most traumatic moments of his life all over again, but Hailey was going to be in the field without him. She was going to be in danger without him there to watch her back.

And since Hailey was amazing, she could tell just by looking at him that his mind was dropping down into a dark place faster than Alice tumbled into Wonderland. "It's just temporary. And I'll be okay, Jay."

"Hailey..."

"I'm going to put in my time and come back as quickly as possible. It's okay. It's all going to be okay." Hailey's words didn't reassure him in the slightest. How could they, when they didn't even reassure Hailey?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Special Agent Zidan."

"Hey OA, it's Jay."

"Hey man, how are you?"

"Honestly, not great."

"What's wrong?"

"My- uh my partner..."

"Hailey Upton."

"Yeah. She's getting detailed out to the FBI for a bit. I found out that she's getting assigned to your unit."

"That makes sense, my partner's doing a UC detail right now, we'll probably be partnered together."

"OA... Watch out for her. Please. She is strong and more than capable of defending herself, and you quite frankly, but- she's my- I..."

"Don't worry, Jay. I'll have her back. She'll make it back to you."

"Thank you. Seriously, you have no idea how much this means to me."

OA looked at the now-empty desk that had been causing his heart to ache at the sight of it. His shoulder sagged at the pain that was pulling in his chest, the dark fog that filled his mind whenever he started to think, started to wonder, caused his head to throb. "Actually, I know exactly how you feel."

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"You will be partnered with Agent Zidan."

"Hi, I'm OA."

"Hi. Hailey."

"Nice to meet you."

"You too."

"Listen up, everyone. This is Detective Hailey Upton from Chicago PD. She will be with us for the next few weeks as part of our interagency training program."

"All right, so let's, uh, direct our attention to the screens here. Found the body of a young John Doe in St. Nicholas Park. A hundred yards from Alexander Hamilton's house. Federal land, federal case- and no, it is not where Aaron Burr shot him. The famed duel took place in-- anyone, anyone? Weehawken, New Jersey. Kristen knew. Unfortunately, there's far less clarity in the present homicide case. Evidence of torture and abuse, the victim was brown-skinned, but there was no other evidence of a hate crime. So let's dig in, get to work, start filling in the blanks. Yeah? Go."

"You ready?"

"Yeah."

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"So, Chicago PD? Should I be nervous?"

"Nervous?"

"You guys have been in the news a lot and not for good reasons."

"Uh, yeah, we've had some issues, but they're being addressed. It's a great place. I'm proud to be a part of it. The next time you want to insult me, just come out and say it, you don't need to disguise it as a compliment. This car right here?"

"Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's just my way of saying we do things differently here."

"Mhmm."

"Just trying to keep it real." And keep you from getting hurt so that Halstead doesn't develop a full head of grey hair. "So, you spend much time in New York?"

"Nah, first time here."

"Any early observations?"

"Pizza's too thin. It's like a cracker with sauce on it. Just trying to keep it real."... Okay, so maybe it would've been nice if Jay had warned him that she had an axe to grind, but he could make do.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"If I hear you're harassing any more immigrants, I'm gonna come back here, and I'm gonna break your arm. Do you understand?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"I forwarded Kristen the pictures of Aman. She'll get us a street block number based on the license plates in the background."

"Just like that, huh?"

"The FBI, Upton. Our tech resources are pretty sick. Look, it's not a big deal, but now that you're working with us, just try and be a little bit more careful. If that guy Prichard calls the Bureau complaining that you threatened to use force..."

"Look, man, I don't need a lesson on how to talk to people, all right?"

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with someone breaking that idiot's arm, it's just... It's just that the Bureau is hardcore, and they take that stuff really seriously."

"You're right. I'm sorry. If he files a beef, I'll eat it and make sure you're clear. All right?"

"Appreciate that. But what the hell's a beef?"

"It's an expression."

"I'm kidding. Kristen said Aman's house is around this area."

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So, Hailey is a badass. That was pretty damn cool to witness. Sidenote; Jay is going to murder him.

Hailey was fine, more than fine, she actually saved his ass. But that didn't matter, Jay had trusted him to protect Hailey and hadn't failed, but he hadn't done the best job either.

They'd been searching a house, and after coming down the stairs he completely missed an assailant in the kitchen. But Hailey hadn't. No, she saw him and got him out of the line of fire. He provided cover fire while she jumped back over to the wall at the end of the stairs. OA tensed, more than usual when he was in a firefight unless Maggie was- nope, not going there, the point is, he didn't miss the way a bullet penetrated the wall a few centimetres from Hailey's head.

"Halstead."

"Don't be mad-"

"Oh god-"

"Hailey's fine. One-hundred percent fine, not even a scratch. We just, uh, we got into a shootout with an assailant. He got a shot off close to her head. She's fine- more than fine! I swear! She actually saved my ass in that altercation! And I was covering her the whole time!"

"... That's it? That's a pretty normal day for us, OA. She's okay, you're okay... So, everything, is... Okay. And seriously, thanks again, man. I can't even begin to tell you how much this means to me. I know that she can take care of herself and the others around her, but it's hard when I'm not the one there to have her six. So I really appreciate that I know and trust the person who is."

"Well, I'm glad that you're not gonna come at me like you did when I stole one of the cookies your mom made from your care package."

"Yeah, we wouldn't want a repeat of that."

"Plus, I know how it feels to... Not know. My partner is under right now and..."

"You're going out of your mind?"

"More than you can believe. I can't eat or sleep, and every time my phone buzzes I think it's a death notification instead of an emergency call from work."

"Sounds like you've got your own Hailey. You'll have to introduce me to Maggie one day."

"Yeah, I will. And Ken's definitely gonna have to introduce Hana. We have heard far too much about her to not even be able to put a face to the name."

"Tell me about it. Sometimes I regret our 'no search' rule, but then I remember how much we embarrass each other."

"By the way, thank you."

"Huh? For what?"

"For saving my ass back there. In the house."

"Oh. Okay. Cool. You're welcome."

"Halstead, how much do get shot at, exactly?"

"Why are you asking?"

"She pushed me out of the path of a bullet and when I thanked her afterwards she treated it like it was nothing."

"... I mean, there's not exactly a whole lot I can do about people trying to kill us..."

"Jay. Dude."

"I can try to stop being 'idiotically reckless' as Hailey calls it, but I'm not trying to be a hero or a dumbass or anything, it's just that... If it's not me getting hurt..."

"...It's her."

"Yeah."

"We're both whipped, aren't we?"

"Oh, ridiculously whipped. The desk Sergeant at my precinct is constantly making fun of me for it."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Just got ballistics back on the slugs fired at OA and Upton. They match the bullets that killed Aman, but get this; they also match the bullets pulled from a drive-by murder victim two months ago."

"Could they ID a suspect yet?"

"Yeah, arrested him too. Name is Santiago Gonzalez, known associate of the Latin Players. He's being held at MDC pending trial."

"Latin Players. That's a Chicago gang."

"Hmm, looks like they're expanding."

"So the Latin Players killed someone, they get arrested, go to jail, and the gun

stays on the street."

"And the new owner uses said gun to kill Aman, a studious Indian engineering student?"

"Right. What are we missing? How are these two murders connected?"

"Have OA and Upton pay a visit to Inmate Gonzalez. Maybe he can help us answer that question."

"Right."

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"So this guy, Gonzalez, is originally from Chicago. Runs with the Latin Players, so maybe you should take the lead on this one. But go hard on him." Hailey and Gonzales were from the same city, same blood, this was her turf, and OA wanted to make sure that he abided by that.

"You want a reaction?" Hailey seemed to get exactly what he meant, what he wanted, but she also seemed hesitant, like she needed more than clarification. It was like she needed permission.

"A big one. Big enough to force him to call his people."

"I think I can do that." And just like that, she had a smirk in her voice and was walking ahead of him. OA could see the wheels turning in her head and a coolness to her features let him know that she'd come up with a game plan. He didn't know if he should be afraid or not.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Where's the gun you used in the drive-by?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." They were less than a minute into the interrogation and he was already annoyed. Why did these guys always have to be so smug? He resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and just let Hailey do her thing, only popping in to keep the flow going. "One of your friends used it to kill a civilian last night."

"Used it again this afternoon on us. Fired off ten rounds."

"Like I said, I don't know what you're talking about." OA had to hold in a sigh.

"You're staring 20 to life on the case you're riding. Give us the name of the person you gave the gun to, and maybe I'll be able to get you a reduced sentence."

"Get my ass, blondie." OA quickly debated the pros and cons of stepping in. Honestly, this guy would probably just make him angrier with his smug attitude and sexist remarks, plus Hailey wasn't even phased. She was still in control, and she actually seemed a little... Bored.

"I'm not a fed like him. I'm Chicago police."

"So what?"

"Means I play by different rules. Also means I know the names of all the shot callers in the Latin Players. Tomorrow morning, we're gonna do a warrant sweep. Means a lot of people you know are gonna get arrested."

"That's not my problem."

"But it is. Because I'm gonna make sure that they know you are the snitch who gave them up."

"Now, you know nobody's gonna believe that."

"Really? Because in my experience, pissed-off bangers don't do their homework, and if they think you're a snitch, you're a snitch. In the street, rumours become facts like that."

"I'm done talking."

"Alright."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So you think he believed us?"

"I don't know. What?"

"Nothing, you just reminded me of my partner, Maggie, in there."

"Oh."

"In a good way."

"Then thank you."

"Can you cue up the audio feed?" The prison guard nodded back at OA and did as he asked.

"So where is your partner?"

"Uh, she is on an undercover assignment. That I know absolutely nothing about besides the fact that she is gone and unreachable."

"That's gotta be pretty tough."

"Yeah, but she's really good, so she'll be fine."

"We're up." The guard unmuted the computer and moved out of the way so that he and Hailey could see it clearly.

"Yo, just say the word, man. Chicago about to throw that heat."

"What are you talking about?"

Gonzalez sighed. "Police and FBI here sweating me, man."

"About what?"

"That piece that I left behind. I'm guess it's all connected to what happened on the night at Highbridge Park."

"All right, thanks for looking out."

"No doubt."

"Can you trace the number that he called?" OA was ansty, ready to get moving fast before their lead disappeared and from the honed in look in Hailey's eyes he could see she felt the same.

"Payphone up in Washington Heights." The prison guard was curt and efficient, exactly what they needed and OA was silently grateful.

"Okay. Thank you."

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"I'm guessing that's his girlfriend."

"Hold on. I talked to her at the park, right before we found Ernesto's body." From the way her body tensed OA could tell Hailey wasn't happy she'd let this girl slip through her fingers. He could tell her that it wasn't her fault, no one was even remotely aware of this connection, but he knew that was pointless. Any passionate law enforcement officer would beat themselves over something like this, himself included.

"Ah, and we have a hit off of social rec. Her name is Harper Quinlan, 23 years old, last known address is 84 Groton Street, Queens, New York."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why were you at the park?" OA sat across from the young woman, dead set on getting all the information she knew. Arman's murder was quickly dissolving into a larger more horrifying crime and he was worried that the poor man who this had all started with would be forgotten and he didn't want to think about why that enraged him so much.

"I told you before. I was walking."

"Or was it to recover the glove that Lucas dropped after he killed his drug supplier?"

"I don't know anything about that."

"We have video of you in the driver's seat of Lucas' Range Rover at Highbridge Park the night that Lucas killed Ernesto Garcia, so you are now an official suspect in a murder investigation. That means no more lying, no more protecting your boyfriend. You either cooperate with us here and now, or you go to prison."

"I'm not gonna help you ruin Lucas' life. I just won't. He's a good person."

"Harper, good people don't sell drugs or kill people."

"Yeah, you don't know him like I do. He's so nice, and... he's sweet... He really loves me."

"Lucas isn't who you think he is, Harper. Protecting him will only get you and more innocent people hurt. Tell me why you think he was in the park that night."

"I'm not gonna help you."

"Are you listening to what I'm saying to you? You're a suspect in a murder investigation here. Lying to protect him makes this worse. You're putting more lives at risk. Be smart. Tell me why you were there that night. Harper, you don't need to go to prison for him." OA knew he wasn't getting anywhere and was trying to think of some other- any other method- to try and get Harper to talk, when Hailey burst into the room. She looked calculated, like she had a plan or idea that needed to be executed exactly or else the worst might befall those she was trying to protect. Which, if he read her character right, was everyone.

"Unlock it."

"What's going on?" Harper was just as confused as he was, but he knew better than to show it.

"Do it. Pull up your texts."

"Oh, my God."

"What does it say?" Hailey already knew, that much was obvious, but whatever was going on needed to be as brutally real as possible to Harper, and voicing it out loud would drive whatever was going on home for Harper.

"'Return the product, or he's dead. You have four hours. Tell your man to meet us at the place we did our first deal.' Oh, my- oh, my God." Harper's sobs quickly took up the space of the interrogation room, it didn't matter that she hadn't seen her father in so long, losing him would devastate her, and the Latin Players knew that well.

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"Let me take a run at her. I might have an angle to play." OA watched Hailey carefully, trying to make out was she was thinking, what angle she could possibly have, but he hadn't known her nearly long enough for any of that. There was this... Knowing glint in her eyes, and a sort of dark confidence had taken over her aura. She was confident in whatever plan she had, obviously, he just had no way of predicting what it was. In that moment, OA could really see what made Jay all twisted over her. She didn't look excited to break the accomplice of a drug dealer, or eager to impress the FBI. She looked like she was ready to get elbow deep in someone else's mess just for the sake of protecting as many people as possible with her quick wit and razor-sharp intelligence. So he just inclined his head and got ready to watch her work from the other side of the glass.

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"You're in a tough place right now, Harper. We have video of you at the scene of a murder, which makes you an accessory. You're looking at 15 to 20 years in prison. But if you cooperate, we can help you. We'll talk to the prosecutor, explain why you were there, help him understand the nature of your relationship with Lucas."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know what's going on. He hurts you, doesn't he?"

"No. That's not true. He's a good guy-"

"No, he's not. What are those bruises on your neck? You tried to cover them up, but I can see them. When you first met, I bet he was great. You guys hit it off, you had fun. He was everything you wanted. But then he started chipping away at your friends and your family. So you pop a pill to numb the pain and tell yourself everything's okay, just hoping that the abuse is gonna stop. Harper. It won't. I talked to your dad. He loves you very much. And he needs you right now. He's in a lot of danger. If these guys don't get their drugs back, they will kill him. The only thing that matters now is you helping us to find Lucas, so we can recover the drugs and find your dad." Watching Hailey in the interrogation room really was something else. From the slight waver of her tone, the palpable understanding in her voice that seemed to wrap a crying Harper in the first hug she's had in a long time, he could tell that she was exposing a pain-filled part of herself to this- this girl, this accomplice in drug dealing and murder. And still, she was able to remain professional and in control, and OA could honestly say that her incredible ability to do her job both made his heart ache for her and impressed him far more than he thought she would.

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They were in the surveillance van, waiting for Harper and the SWAT team to get in to place. What OA was itching to ask her was highly personal. He did not expect her to feel comfortable talking to him about it, but she'd given Harper some of her strength and after revealing something so heart-wrenching, the protective Egyptian older brother in him needed to make sure that she'd left enough for herself. "So, how do you know so much about abuse? I am sorry, I did not mean anything by that."

"No, it's fine. It's all good. Everyone becomes a cop for a reason. I guess that's mine."

"Uh, yeah."

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"Don't forget, Harper. He wants the cash to get out of town, but we need the location where he first met his dealer. That's where your dad is." OA nodded along to Hailey's instruction, keeping a critical eye on the emotionally distraught Harper.

"Babe. They took my father."

"What are you talking about?"

"That guy that you deal with, they grabbed my father and texted me that they're gonna kill him unless we return the drugs that you took."

"Oh, no, no. I can't- I can't do that."

"They took my father!"

"Look, I feel bad, but they will kill me. Oh, Jesus, don't-"

"Lucas."

"Don't give me the sad eyes look."

"Lucas."

"I'm screwed. Look, I gotta look out for me- for us, you understand?"

"Look, I need to know where you and Ernesto did your first deal 'cause that's where they wanna meet."

"I just told you, I'm not going-"

"I will go! I'll call my uncle. He has a lot of money. Maybe I can negotiate a deal or something."

"I gotta get moving, all right, so give me the money."

"Where did you meet him?"

"Stay strong." Hailey could see her waver, could see her lose her ground and need someone to keep her steady. "Location first, then give him the money."

"Lucas. Lucas. Lucas!"

"I'll call you later on, all right?" Lucas, being the selfish douchebag that he is, grabs the bag of money and moves to book it, leaving his girlfriend who needs him behind.

"Damn it. Move in now!" OA sounded the call and immediately all agents left their posts and honed in on Lucas.

"Lucas!"

"You lying sack of..." Lucas, in an effort to prove that he really is a stellar guy, pulls out a gun and starts shooting at the agents, causing panic and fear in the civilians around them. Really, Harper? This guy?

"Get down! Get down!" Hailey pulled Harper out of the line of fire and pushed her to the ground before covering her with her own body, amazing OA with her selflessness yet again. You really picked a good one, Jay.

"Move, move!"

"Drop it!" Scola had joined them when Lucas went for the kill, forcing OA to do the same. Only OA was a good shot, though.

"Lucas! Lucas! Lucas! Lucas..." Harper couldn't stop calling for him, and OA was certain that the only reason she hadn't crawled over to his body was that Hailey was holding her in place. "It's okay." Hailey seemed to be stuck on repeat, comforting Harper. OA personally couldn't see how someone who had been abused would mourn their abuser... But then again, he thankfully had never had to suffer through that. Unlike Hailey.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"Sounded like he was ready to hit the road, so I'm guessing his dope is close by. Nothing back here." OA went to the Range Rover with Scola to look for anything- finding the drugs would've been preferable, but as long as it was a tangible clue, they could call it a win.

"Yeah. There's nothing here either."

"Any luck?" Hailey approached them, her I-know-something-that-you-don't-but-don't-worry-I'll-tell-you plastered on her face.

"Nope. Nothing."

"You have the keys on you?"

"Yeah."

"Here, let me try something. Hop in. Shut the trunk." Hailey closed the driver's door, started the engine, pushed a button on the stereo and on the car door. A drawer illuminated by blue light opens, containing the missing drugs.

"I already pushed it. Nothing happened." Scola sounded mildly insulted, but OA just chuckled internally.

"Okay, Chicago." He was impressed, and he wasn't going to hide that. He was also going to give Jay a call later to tell him to ask her out already. There's no way a woman this amazing stays single for long.

"I have a CI who installs these things. Engine has to be on and doors closed in order for it to open."

"Okay, we got the dope. Now we just gotta figure out where to deliver it to."- OA

"Yep."

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"We have Lucas' texts from the phone he was carrying since Harper said he started doing business with the Latin Players about a month ago-" Kristen was leading their group of field agents and Jubal towards the front desks, explaining what she found, and while normally they would have totally enjoyed her explaining just how smart she is, things were a little time-sensitive.

"Yeah."

"We need to scrub that time period."

"There, on the 28th. There's a text that says, 'Meetings at 2. Let's do 9 instead of 8.'" One of the analysts pulled the info onto the computer screen in front of them, showing them the text records.

"'Let's do 9 instead of 8'? But the meeting's at 2:00. Is that some sort of code?" Jubal's mind was whirring away with Kristen's, figuring out exactly what it meant.

"Well, here's Lucas' GPS data from that day around that time." Kristen worked her magic so that Jubal could work his.

"All right, so from 1:37 to 3:12, he was in Brooklyn down by the river. Kris, can you zoom in? Get a more specific look at this. Yeah, over here. Can you drill down right there?"

"Okay."

"They met at 2:00 at a dock. Pier nine instead of pier eight. That's the meeting place." Scola voiced it out loud, like he was still in thought and hadn't had time to put all of the pieces in place internally first.

"There it is." Jubal's prideful voice made OA smirk.

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"We've got 67 minutes to get the drugs down to pier nine. Unfortunately, the guy we need to deliver the drugs is at the city morgue." Isobel voiced the dreadful obvious from her office, forcing them all to sigh and start their plan to catch Arman's killer from scratch.

"I'll go under as Lucas' friend. I'll give him the coke in exchange for Harper's dad." Hailey volunteered herself, but not with the same gusto she'd been working the entire case. Something was off and OA's 'spidey senses' were giving him no peace.

"No. These guys have done their homework. They're not gonna buy that." OA knew he made a good point, but he hoped that no one saw the way his shoulders went rigid.

"I get it, but I think I can pull it off."

"No, I agree with OA. It's too risky." Isobel agreed with him and OA felt like he could breathe again, he promised Jay that he'd watch her back, something he couldn't really do if he was watching her not with her. And if he were honest with himself, he'd become a little attached to her in the time they'd been partnered together, hoping that they would become friends.

"So we need a plan C."

"Let me do it. He's my father. I'm the one who got him into this awful situation. So let me do it. Let me do something meaningful. Something that will make me feel good about myself... Please. Gotta let me do it." Harper looked at Hailey, not even acknowledging the rest of the room.

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"You're gonna do great. Just follow the plan we laid out."

"He doesn't get the second bag until you see your father."

"Right. Got it."

"And if your dad's not at the meeting place, you tell the man to bring him there. He'll say no. You stand your ground." Hailey seemed to be offering more comforting advice.

"You have more leverage than you think. This dope is worth a lot of money, and that's all they really care about." While he seemed to be offering more calculated advice.

"It's okay to be nervous. They'd be suspicious if you weren't. You good?"

"I'm good."

"Okay."

"Okay. Here we go."

"Alpha team in position."

"Where's Lucas?" The gang leader, covered in tattoos was menacing as he approached.

"He sent me instead."

"And my product? There's only one kilo here."

"The other four are close by."

"Close by doesn't do me no good."

"Show me where my father is, and I'll get you the other four."

"Don't get cute with me, mama. I'll cut your throat. Go get my dope."

"Let's get ready to move in."

"No, no. Give her a chance."- Hailey was confident, but OA couldn't help but side-eye her. Wondering just what made her so sure.

"You trying to get your dad killed? 'Cause, that's what's happen if you keep playing."

"I need to see him."

"He's alive. I promise."

"I need proof."

"[whistles] Right over there, chica."

"Okay, we got eyes on the dad. We're good to go."

"Wait, wait, wait. Let's see if we can get him talking about Aman's murder. As soon as we see a weapon, we roll."

"Okay." OA knew that Hailey was smart, and she had been making great calls throughout this case, but he was still hesitant. An innocent man's life was in the balance, but he wanted justice for Arman too.

"Be a good girl, go get my dope. Do that, Big Papa walks. I'll go with you."

"So... So... How do I know you're not gonna kill me and my father once I give you the dope?"

"I don't kill civilians. Bad for business."

"You kill that Indian guy? He was a civilian."

"I try my best, but I'm not perfect, mama." Harper meekly retrieved the second bag from behind construction equipment.

"You did good, Harper." But 'good' wasn't enough for him. Suddenly a large silver gun was pointing at the middle of her forehead.

"FBI! Don't move!" OA lead the charge, coming out of hiding and announcing himself the second that they got confirmation that he murdered Arman they'd burst out of the van and beat SWAT to Harper, the Latin Players, and Harper's father.

"Drop your weapon now! Let me see your hands now! Put the gun on the ground! Step away! Put it down now!"

"Get on the ground! Get on the ground, now!"

"Dad!"

"Let me go! Dad! Dad! Dad!" Honestly, he didn't give the tearful father-daughter reunion much attention or thought, but he noticed that Hailey did, if only for a couple of seconds longer than necessary. He didn't know what to make of that, though.

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"Hey."

"I just filed my 302. Do you need help with yours?"

"Nah, I just finished."

"So, I have to admit, I wasn't so sure about you."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't sure about you either. But you're all right. For a fed."

"You wanna grab a beer?"

"I'm okay. You don't have to look after the new kid."

"I am pretty sure you don't need looking after. Come on, you saved my life. The least you can do is let me buy you a drink."

"For the tenth time, I didn't save your life. All right, let's grab a beer, but only if you tell me why you became a fed. I told you my reason. It's only fair you tell me yours."

"Deal."

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They didn't quite 'go out for a beer'. When OA heard Hailey's stomach throw a temper tantrum in the elevator he suggested going out for food that was accompanied by a beer. She'd agreed as long as they didn't go out for "crackers with sauce on them". OA had laughed, not even remotely or phased by Hailey's obsession with Chicago pizza. It's just another thing she shares with Jay. Besides, he wanted to take her somewhere else.

When they sat down Hailey looked around, taking it all in. Omar has been coming to this restaurant all his life. It had been open longer than he'd been alive, he'd even had his tenth birthday here. He hadn't brought Maggie here yet, not because he didn't think they were close enough, he just didn't know how she'd react to realizing that they are that close. "I hope you like Egyptian food."

"I've never had it, but I'm Greek and I know that there are a few shared foods and ingredients."

"Really? I wouldn't have guessed Greek from 'Upton'."

"My parents changed it when they moved here, their name was too difficult for Americans to pronounce, and there was some... Other stuff."

"I'm familiar with 'other stuff'. Do you want any recommendations or need me to explain anything on the menu?"

"You know what? You can choose what I eat tonight. If I like what you pick, I won't tease you for it the rest of the time I'm here."

"Well, for the record-"

"What record?" Hailey laughed.

"For the record, I am completely confident in my knowledge of food so I know I'll find something you'll like. After all, it can't really be bad so long as it's not non-Chicago pizza. Right?"

OA ended up choosing a dish called 'kushari', it wasn't like the Chicago or Mediterranean food Hailey was used to but she'd loved it. OA was smiling at her, proud of his victory, Hailey rolled her eyes, smirking at his impishness. "Tell me about your partner." The question caught him off guard and for a moment he'd felt a significant crack in his walls, leaving him exposed. Suddenly all the feelings he'd been pushing back since Maggie went UC enveloped and starting drowning him. Fear gripped his heart, haunting curiousity stabbed his mind, and loneliness hooked onto his soul. "OA? We don't have to talk about her, I'm sorry I asked, I didn't mean to upset you."

"She's one of the most amazing people I know. She's smart, strong, generous, empathetic, courageous... She's honestly one of the most amazing people in my life and I love having her as my partner." Hailey looked at him the same way his sisters and mother did whenever he spoke about one of the most important people in his life. Like they were able to listen between his words and decipher another meaning to what he'd said. But like his mother, his sisters always gave him hell for it, she said nothing. I couldn't even dispute it if she did say anything.

"She sounds badass."

"She is. What about your partner? Tell me about them?" He'd narrowly averted saying 'him', unsure how she'd react if she knew just how close she and Jay really were, and just how much Jay had told him about her. She got this smitten grin on her face, and OA knew that the roles were reversed from a few moments ago when he had that same smirk and far off look in his eyes. "His name is Jay Halstead, and he's an amazing person, except for when he's getting himself shot, the reckless idiot. He would rather get shot at than get a needle which rattles me to no end, especially because he's so much more kind and intelligent than he gives himself credit for and we need him you know, alive, but still, I admire him so much. He makes me laugh and he just knows how to get to me, you know? I would... I would follow him anywhere. Wow... What is in this food? Truth serum? I'm not usually that open..." It was like he could literally see a forcefield shaping around her. Shrinking in on herself, her face hardening, hastily putting a forkful of food in her mouth. She looked at the wall behind him, pretending to be interested in the decorations, trying to pass off the slight panic in her eyes.

"Maybe it's just my charming demeanour, or that I got personal first, really personal. Or maybe it's because you needed to tell that to someone you don't see every day."

"Yeah. Maybe." She still wouldn't look at him and a tense silence enveloped them until she took a deep breath and shook herself. Light seemingly went off in her head before she gave him an absolutely devilish smirk. "I believe I was promised your origin story."

"Is that what we're calling it? An 'origin story'?"

"It is now."

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"Halstead."

"Get your head out of your dumb ass and ask Hailey out."

"I- OA-"

"You won't regret it, Jay. I actually think that you will regret it if you don't."

"I just don't know if I'm ready to admit anything to myself, forget Hailey."

"When does life ever wait until you're ready, man? Neither of you work in a stable occupation, and even then the universe isn't exactly known for working on anyone else's timeline. I can literally feel you aching for her from here."

"But what if I'm not good enough."

"Oh, I've only known her for a few days and I already know that no one's good enough for her-"

"Damn have you adopted her as another honourary sibling? How many do you have now? And Hailey actually knows you've adopted her, right?"

"Not important, and don't try and change the subject."

"But if no one's good enough for her, then..."

"You're too hard on yourself Jay. No one's good enough for you either. Why shouldn't two people who are far too good for the world be together? You deserve happiness, Jay. You both do, and I think telling her that you're far gone with her would be a great start."

"Thanks, man. Really."

"No problem."

"... So you think that I'm 'far too good for the world'?"

"And now I'm regretting every word we've spoken." No I don't, but your head really doesn't to get bigger.

"Nope, no take-backs. You think that I'm badass and amazing."

"I never said 'badass' or 'amazing'."

"Jay Halstead- described as 'far too good for the world' by the humble and decorated OA Zidan-"

"I also called you a 'dumbass' but whatever, goodnight Jay. And seriously, ask Hailey out."

#One Chicago #Chicago PD #hailey upton #hailey x jay #jay halstead x hailey upton #upstead #upstead fic #jay halstead #OA Zidan #maggie bell #oa zidan x maggie bell #zibell #fbi cbs

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