#id go through my blog and edit other posts to say the years too but. im Tired | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

blueprint-han · 4 years ago

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[Image ID: A black picture with the title “HOW TO SUPPORT FANFICTION AUTHORS” written in bold caps lock, colored with a winter forest picture. End ID.]

Well, this post has been made countless times, but I’m making one too because I’ve seen a lot of people say they’re new to tumblr and don’t know the whole “reblogging is better than liking” rule and other stuff. So without any further ado, here are ways YOU can support the fanfiction authors. Now keep in mind this applies to almost every author out there, not just the stayblr fandom, so if you’re a silent reader (or even if you aren’t), I advise you go through this post. Warning, this is a fairly long post going into detail, so yeah. I still expect you, the readers to read this, and if you’re a writer, feel free to lmk if i’ve written smth wrong or if you want me to add something! ^^

In this post I’ll go into thorough analysis of the pros and cons of each of the methods listed here and how YOU as a reader can show the authors whose fics you read more love and motivate them to produce content.

WARNING; LONG POST! GOES INTO A DECENT AMOUNT OF DETAIL. NOT EDITED, EXCUSE ANY TYPOS.

#1 : LIKING !

I think this is basic common knowledge, and a lot of people tend to do this. When you like the post, the author sees it, you see it, and if the author has their liked posts accessible (which majority of the time they don’t), and if someone deliberately goes to check it, then they see it. See why so many authors say just liking does nothing? Only liking says “Hey, I’m gonna tell you your story is not that good by simply liking it and not sharing it with other people. :D”

♯ PROS:

You’re telling the author that you've read their fic, and either you’ve enjoyed it to a certain extent, or you’re just saving it to read for later.

Likes are seen by you, the author and anyone who has access to your likes (which, most people don’t).

♯ CONS:

If you ONLY like, you’re not really helping the author’s work reach a wide audience because this site isn’t Instagram. Reblogging is the only way people can SEE our works. I’ll cover more on that in the next section.

In a nutshell, liking is good! But you should most likely use it in a combination with the other stuff I’ve listed below, because just the like itself doesn’t really do much in giving the author any feedback or interaction on their fics.

To clear shit up; I’m not talking about those people who don’t read the story or appreciate it in the first place. I’m talking about those who appreciate the fic, like it, but don’t leave any sort of feedback to show that.

#2 : REBLOGGING !

This is SO, SO important. I cannot stress on this enough. Let me explain WHY so many writers stress on reblogging content:

Tumblr’s tag system is inherently fucked up, and has grown more so over the year. I’m not kidding, at first, the fic either used to show up in the tags or it didn’t, but now, sometimes your fic can be REMOVED from the tags because of,,, idk tumblr tag shit. Anyways, as you can see, it’s very demotivating for authors at that point, because the major way for people to find their content and expand their blogs has been blocked.

Due to this reason, tumblr authors need to RELY on you, their followers to help spread their works to a wider audience. Now again, before you get me wrong, I’m not saying you ae forced to rb our works regardless of whether you like them or not. BUT, that being said, if you DO infact like the story, there’s no harm in reblogging, right? By doing this you’re indirectly telling the author — “hey! :D I liked your fic! Which is why I am gonna share it to my followers so they can read it too :D” Trust me, you’re doing nothing but helping the people who produce content for you to read. Seems like a worthy cause to hit the reblog button, right? It’s only a one, or maximum two step procedure.

Leave tags in your reblogs! Trust me, as an author myself and as much as I know from all my author friends, we oft check the tags of your reblogs to see if you found any part amazing or even if you have anything to say about the writing we put so much hard work into. Even a key smash or a “This was so [insert adjective] 🥺” is enough to leave a smile on your authors face.

♯ PROS :

You’re !! Sharing !! Your authors !! Works !! This leads to them getting more recognition, so for the content they’re so graciously providing for free, you’re promoting their blog and helping them expand it.

If the tags are being a shit, which majority of the time they are, then you’re literally making an author’s day by reblogging! You’re showing them that you, a follower and appreciator of their works are willingly sharing their content because it deserves to be seen by more people. Again before any dumb people decide to attack me, i am talking about people who like the fic but don't bother reblogging and are silent/ghost readers. I am not forcing anyone to read anybody’s work.

YOU’RE MAKING YOUR AUTHOR SO HAPPY WHAT MORE REASONS COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT !! 🥺

♯ CONS :

Literally none, because as far as I remember no author is against reblogging of their works. It’s quite literally the way this platform functions. Reblogging is IMPORTANT.

#3 : COMMENTING/SENDING FEEDBACK !

This kind of overlaps with the previous section, but THIS IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT STEP !! When you leave feedback, you are directly giving the author something so much more valuable to them than high follower/note counts or money. Your feedback is literally our serotonin. I kid you not the number of times I’ve received a positive comment and smiled and it has made my day. There’s a reason youtubers (though not the best example, bear with me here because it was the only one I could think of) ask people to subscribe, like and COMMENT. The subscription is like a follow, the like is ofc like a heart, and the comment is equivalent to an rb with comments in the tags.

You might argue and tell me that a comment is basically like an ask so the reblogging step isn’t necessary, but I’m sure 99% of you use YouTube and you know that more comments leads to people’s videos boosted in the stream/trending charts. This is what reblogging does. Reblogging shares the piece with other people like minded, which leads to a boost in reads. You are literally helping your author grow.

It’s quite literally the same thing as youtubers. Youtubers NEED validation to keep their content creation going, so do writers, so do other ccs on this site. This post is however, focused on WRITERS, so keep that in mind.

♯ PROS :

By doing this, you’re giving author valuable feedback! It’s similar to what you do in rbing with tags. Interactivity with their fics boosts their note counts and helps expand their audience, so srsly, now think of it: your one comment is playing such a massive role to help ccs create more content.

Imagine how much of a difference the note counts will be in when every person who simply likes after reading the fic, reblogs, leaves a comment and sends an ask. the note counts would be high on each and every fic, which is validation in itself, but your comments would inspire the writer so much more! Please, don’t skip the commenting part. Even a simple one like: “this is so cute!” is wonderful.

♯ CONS :

Remember, if you’re gonna give constructive criticism (which I’m sure you all are smart enough to know if different from hate), make sure the author is okay with it. Authors need to be in a specific mindset and must be ready to accept criticism, so if you’re gonna give constructive criticism to them when they’re at a low point, it may demotivate them.

Just commenting, instead of reblogging and commenting in the tags/ reblogging and then leaving an ask in their inbox, while it gives validation in plenty, will not lead to the author’s work being spread. Therefore I suggest either reblogging and commenting in the tags or reblog and then leave an ask, or comment under the fic!

!! reminder; I am not saying that if you don’t rb and just leave feedback, your feedback has no value. We authors truly appreciate every bit of feedback, but this post is aimed to help you learn how to interact with and support authors, and make them feel more motivated, because the current scenario of liking and scrolling is taking a toll on their creative abilities. Take it from a person who’s been writing for a year.

#4 : COMMSIONING VIA THEIR KO-FI/OTHER APPS !

Before any of you attack me, let me tell you that this is not a step that is 100% necessary to do. ONLY donate if you can and if you genuinely want to, and if anyone is forcing you to pay for something against your will, you need to get yourself out of there.

Regardless, if an author has a kofi and you’re able to and you want to donate, you definitely should! It’s also a valid form of support.

#5 : ADDING THEM ON REC LISTS/ RECOMMENDING THEM TO REC BLOGS

This is such an underrated option, to be honest. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen my fic was recommended onto some rec list and it’s made me smile so hard. If you like some fics, create a rec list! They’re oft very popular amongst the fans too. Making rec posts is such a great way to share your favorite stories with others.

Rec blogs! I’ve seen a couple going around, and needless to say they are a great way to get someone else to read your favorite author’s work whilst also giving them your own feedback. These blogs oft accept recs via a form or ask box, and they leave your feedback along with their own, or else they’ll oft tag the author in the feedback post, so look! You’re basically helping your author share their fic to many more people, because you’ve given them feedback and a reblog.

♯ PROS :

Validation! Feedback! Reblogs! More exposure! Helping a blog grow! Spreading love! basically a run down of the stuff I’ve said before!

♯ CONS :

Literally no con of this. Unless, a one in a million case, this author says they don’t like receiving feedback/being tagged, and I’m sure NO person has said this before, at least none that I’ve heard of.

#6 : FINAL COMMENTS; MISC !

When an author points out about how the interactivity is drastically reducing, don’t just give them blind apologies. Yes, you feel sorry for not interacting as much, we understand, but rather show that you’ll become a better content consumer through your actions. We need to see that we’re not just throwing words into a void and that people are actually trying to be better content consumers.

Understand the fact that authors don’t get paid for this, and 99% of the time, these authors don’t take commissions either. They’re giving you novel worthy writings for free. Take Percy Jackson: You think the author would have felt motivated to write the subsequent parts, let alone two whole series based off of it if literally no one showed that they were interested? Rick Riordan has sales, he is being paid, there are millions of people and big agencies who provide him feedback. Now take that huge amount and simmer it down to an audience of maybe 10000 people This is what fanfic authors want. They don’t want your money, nor are they telling you to risk your lives for them. All they want is, a reblog, some tags, some feedback, some INTERACTIVITY. A sign that they aren’t throwing fics into the void and that people actually like them, some motivation to continue. Seems fairly easy to throw an rb with some tags, right?

Don’t bother to tell me that we do this for ourselves and we shouldn’t ask for likes and reblogs and feedback, because 1) you are consuming the content that we “write for ourselves” and 2) writers post their content here for interactivity and feedback. We could just not post and write and save our fics in our dungeon drafts for years. But we choose to post to entertain the readers, the consumers. And we aren’t even asking that much in return.

Don’t give me the whole “I’m scared that authors feel that comments are annoying” excuse either because seriously this has been DEBUNKED SO MANY TIMES. Istg, in the nicest way possible, if you still think writers are annoyed by interaction and feedback, after so many posts, long rants have been posted as to how we’re not, then you must truly be living under a rock. There, I said it. Please stop thinking this way, I’ll say it again, AUTHORS ARE NOT ANNOYED OF FEEDBACK, COMMENTS, TAGS, REBLOGS. WE LOVE IT. Saying this is like saying that the audience in a theatre play shouldn’t clap when the play ends because the actors would find it noisy. 🤡

I’ve seen some people saying they have anxiety issues and such, so pls note that I’m not invalidating your condition. If you’re trying to be more interactive, I really appreciate it! If you can’t, that’s fine too. You’re trying.

But for the people who have no reason other than feeling lazy to rb and comment, your lack of interactiveness is not excused. Please. Tumblr is a reblogging site. If you’re gonna consume content like authors are some sort of machines, I encourage you to go get some more perspective.

This site is not Instagram or the satan bird app. Your likes are appreciated but frankly speaking, they do nothing to the author except tell them “Hey i read ur fic but i'm not gonna support u :D” and honestly, that is detrimental to their creative capabilities and mental health.

DON’T FOLLOW AN ACC JUST TO MINDLESS RB THEIR SIGNAL BOOST POSTS AND THEIR REBLOGS OF GIFS AND NOT INTERACT WITH THEIR WRITING AT ALL ! Trust me, authors prefer a lower amount of interactive followers than a high count that doesn’t even give them any feedback. Again your follows are appreciated, but when you’re following, you know the type of content the author creates, so the author expects that the more followers, the more interactivity. These days, this is just becoming the opposite. So don’t do it! If you’re gonna follow to read, interact with their works. I promise, this will make both you and the author happy. A win-win situation.

In conclusion: SUPPORT YOUR FUCKING AUTHORS! THEY ARE NOT MACHINES THAT HAVE NO FEELINGS TO PRODUCE CONTENT FOR YOU! FICS TAKE DAYS AND DAYS OF PLANNING, PLOTTING, OUTLINING, WRITING, EDITING, MAKING TEASERS. SO JUST SHOW THEM YOU APPRECIATE THEM WITH AN RB. IT’S THE L E A S T YOU CAN DO.

I will be liking this post here written by the lovely @chaninfused and @scriptura-delirus . Please take time to read it because if you weren’t convinced by my arguments, you will see how much frustration we as writers face on a daily basis. Please, just show support. Here is the post by @stayndays about how to get more people to read your work, because it also has a note on reblogging. Please educate yourself, and put an end to this mindless consuming culutre and bring up some interactivity.

If you’ve read this far, I want you to go to two of your favorite authors and leave some feedback in their inbox, and tag me in it (either tag me yourself or ask the author to do so, they won’t mind). Show your writers that our words are taking effect and you are becoming better consumers. I mean it. I’m serious. I want every single one who reads this post to do this. besides valid reasons, if you’re lazy to do this, you’re a part of the problem. PLEASE get more perspective.

Also, feel free to add to this post! I’d love to read your thoughts too, remember to be kind though. And, if I think your rb is somehow contradicting my points and is bringing down the reason I made this post, I will politely ask you to delete your comment, because this post is about being truthful about the harsh reality of tumblr consumers and how we can change it. I’m sure none of you will let it get to that point, though. <3 love you guys. 💓

And, just a reminder, don’t just blindly like this too. Do what I said before, and while I am not forcing you, I’d appreciate your reblog, because seriously, it took me 3 whole days to write this, plus, I’m sure this will help more of your followers understand the fault in consumer culture. haha, that’s it! This post was way too long uff.

also, this is ur cue to not be stupid in my inbox. You have something to say? Think I worded smth wrongly? I’m sure it wasn’t my intention to do so, point it out with manners.

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a-queer-seminarian · 3 years ago

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Do you believe that God condemns anyone to Hell, or are we all going to wind up in Heaven?

Short answer? do i believe in hell? hell no!

[id: a cross stitch of the infamous "Hell Is Real" sign in Ohio, but with the word NOT added so it reads "Hell is NOT real" / end id. I sewed this cuz i have to drive past this dang sign every time i drive home and it makes me so cranky.]

___

Long answer?

The concept of hell has become less and less probable to me over the years. it seems like such a human solution to the problem of sin, not a Divine one.

This past year as i've studied the concept of prison abolition --

see Are Prisons Obsolete? by Angela Davis (free pdf online)

and, for a Christian view on how fundamentally messed up the US's prison system is, see Rethinking Incarceration by Dominique DuBois Giliard. (There are short vids and study guides for the latter, if reading isn't your thing / if you'd prefer those over paying for the book.)

-- and i find that many of the arguments against human prisons could also be argued against hell, which is really just The Ultimate Prison. Hell seems much like the punitive system we've got going on here, blown up to a supernatural size.

In Rethinking Incarceration, Giliard says that dealing with systemic problems and collective sin by choosing which individuals are The Problem and proceeding to Get Rid Of Them by chucking them in prison -- or hell -- is an unjust human solution, not a Divine solution.

He relates this to the harmful theology of penal substitution -- that the reason God became incarnate in the person of Jesus was simply to take the blame for all our wrongdoing -- to be the surrogate, or substitute, for the punishment all humanity would otherwise have to receive. But, Giliard writes,

Penal substitution is most problematic because it makes God’s response to sin too much like our own. It is a sort of recasting of God in our own image, as opposed to allowing the divinely inspired Scriptures to speak for God’s motives. Marshall also writes that “restoration, not retribution, is the hallmark of God’s justice and is God’s final word in history.”

God's justice is not that punitive kind of justice, but restorative. Jesus's whole life, and death, and resurrection together brings justice into our world because through all of it, the relationship between humanity and divinity was restored -- not because Jesus took the punishment that God would have slammed down on us.

{edit: I have a second post addressing how there are indeed parts of the Bible that depict God as punishing individuals or groups. Still, punishment is never the motive of Divine justice in scripture.)

If punishment is not God's justice, and neither is severed relationship, then hell, the ultimate punishment & place of isolation, is not God's justice.

Meanwhile, we can see the bad fruits of our punitive justice systems here on earth -- what happens when we accept that society is divided into "criminals" and "good people" or "citizens." As Giliard writes:

When we lose sight of the grace and mercy exemplified on the cross of Christ, people who have violated right relationship become irredeemable “criminals” to fear, avoid, and quarantine. When “criminals” are viewed as the social cancer infecting our communal health, safety, and thriving, we cease to see and affirm their humanity. Rather than fellow image bearers, we see “criminals” as hazardous elements contaminating our neighborhoods, and they thus must be purged by any means necessary. Michelle Alexander writes, “Criminals, it turns out, are the one social group in America we have permission to hate. In ‘colorblind’ America, criminals are the new whipping boys. They are entitled to no respect and little moral concern.” ...

I see similar things happen when people pretend they can guess who is going to hell, when they divide humanity into the heavenbound and the hellbound.

(I won't go into it here but it needs to be noted: think about who is seen as prison-bound, how our system sets up certain groups, such as Black and Latine persons & other persons of color, to end up in prison; and then think of who is often seen as hellbound, such as LGBTQA+ persons & non-Christians. Bigotry is tangled up in all this, which is what Giliard's book largely focuses on when it comes to mass incarceration.)

when we assume we know someone is doomed to hell, we give up on them. we cease to see them as one of us, and one of God's beloved children made in Their image. i'd rather assume there is no hell and find out i'm wrong about that later, than live as if i thought there were a hell if there isn't.

and of course, if we assume we ourselves are headed to hell -- particularly by fearmongerers who teach that being LGBTQA+, or Black, or disabled, or not Christian, any manner of things sends you there -- well. i think the bad fruits of that are quite clear, including how it leads us to despair, to fall into the pit of self-loathing. we either punish ourselves and isolate ourselves and harm ourselves by trying to fix what is not broken, or we say "fuck it, i'm going to hell anyway" and cut ourselves off from certain community.

_______

Prison is an easy solution, but not a fruitful one. Same with Hell. It's an easy fix, but not a viable one.

Throwing certain Bad Irredeemable Humans into the pit won't make the humans who are left fit for God's Kin(g)dom -- we all have work to do on ourselves and as a collective community.

God calls us to the much longer and more difficult work of repentance, reform, and rebuilding -- here and now and in the world to come.

Again I turn to Giliard:

Scripture consistently reveals that restoration, not punitive punishment, is at the heart of God’s justice. Biblical justice does include retribution, but not exclusively. Biblical justice cannot be solely defined by it. The more accurate description of biblical justice is restorative justice. Biblically, justice is a divine act of reparation where breached relationships are renewed and victims, offenders, and communities are restored. Justice, therefore, is about relationships and our conduct within them. Justice asks, How is righteousness embodied and exuded in how I live in relation to God, neighbor, and creation? In fact, Scripture could be read as the narrative of God’s restorative justice unfolding in the world.

No prisons. No hell. No punishment for punishment's sake -- but resources provided to make repentance and reconciliation possible. No severing of some humans from the rest of humanity, or from the Body of Christ -- but restored relationships.

_____

Will the restoration happen before heaven begins? Maybe. Then I'd say there is some sort of purgatory state in between (because purgatory isn't a place of punishment, but of, well, purging away all that is corrupt and harmful). But not a permanent hell. Not a place made for punishing or discarding.

______

because the belief and fear of hell has done so much damage, i refuse to hold to a belief in hell. and hey, if it turns out there is one, fine! it doesn't change how i should live my life:

in the end, whether hell is or is not real, i should live my life the same way -- loving God, neighbor and creation with all that i am, and doing my part to live into God's Kin(g)dom where the oppressed are lifted up, and the oppressors have their own violence exposed to them for the evil it is so that they may begin the hard work of reforming their ways.

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For more excerpts from Rethinking Incarceration, see this Google Doc.

for more stuff about hell, see my hell tag over on my other blog.

#hell #long post #essays #rethinking incarceration

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just-like-playing-tag · 4 years ago

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A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2020 - June 13, 2021

2019-2020

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: It's our first morning

Date: Aug 20th, 2020 Time: ~ 2:18 h I really like how this one turned out!!! The 2020 Emma b-day edit has a lot of major panel redraws, but this is probably my favorite. I I really enjoy how I made the shadows work!! And the ear banfage looks pretty neat. Nice!!! Immagine

#2: Norman birthday edit 2021

Date: Mar 20th, 2021 Time: ~ 2:21 h Awww, soft Norman :') There was a bit to redraw, but I think everything turned out pretty neat!!! I believe everything works out fine. Though looking back at it, the part of the ID I added is definitely top small :')

#3: Manga dub: Yuugo gets knocked out

Date: Mar 27th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:05 h Here start the Manga Dub redraws to which I gave my everything ahah. This one turned out nice! I think the shoes turned out particularly good eheh. I like how Yuugo's clothing lineart- for the texture, I wanted to go for something heterogeneous, but I'm not fully confident in the final result. Gilda looks very rushed but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#4: Manga dub: Yuugo makes his dramatic entrance

Date: Apr 5th, 2021 Time: ~ 4:02 h This is pretty cool!!!! The coat took ages to redraw, but sis it turned out perfect!!! I'm very proud of this.

#5: Manga dub: RayGildEmma hug!!!

Date: Apr 9th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:31 h Awww, a beautiful panel I was really happy to have the chance to redraw. Taking into account what there was to redraw, I'm actually surprised with how little this took! Ray's backpack was a pain to make, but I think it turned out fine. I'm very happy with Emma and Ray's heads!!

#6: Manga dub: Formalities

Date: Apr 12th, 2021 Time: ~ 5:31 h It is not always easy to give sense to Demizu's perspective, but I do my best!!! In this I am *so* happy with how Don and Ray turned out, they look neat! The background on the other hand... It took hours to make ahah. I'm not fully confident in the perspective, but I'm happy with the details I've added- I really did my best to make it look like athe other manga panels and I think it paid off!!!

#7: Manga dub: We may be weaklings, but we're still alive

Date: Apr 30th, 2021 Time: ~ 1:37 h This little Emma is so cute!!!!!! I think the redraw turned out pretty perfect. I'm really satisfied with how this one turned out, and it's such a cute little Emma!!!! She's so brave and optimistic, I love her. It's a shame this panel didn't make it to the episode :')

#8: Manga dub: Goldy Pond Gang

Date: May 7th, 2021 Time: ~ 8:44 h lmao This is probably the panel redraw I'm the most proud of ever :') Just think everyone turned out very nice!! The ceiling is not exactly perfect, but it still works somehow. I'm very happy with how Gillian's back turned out!! I don't really like the fading effect on the right, but 8h in I got pretty tired of working on this ahah

#9: Manga dub: This is Goldy Pond

Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 1:29 h I'm very glad for how the Manga dub has been challenging me to learn to redraw backgrounds, something I had quite literally never tried before. It can be a little frustrating, but it's so satisfying to see the final cleaned piece!! With this panel, I also learnt to use copy and paste, which is something I had never done before beyond texture

#10: Manga dub: Good morning doctor

Date: May 21st, 2021 Time: ~ 3:42 h This is another background that turned out pretty good!! That one Norman is one I knew I would have had to fully redraw sooner or lager- the background was a bonus ahah. I'm very happy with the final result!!

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: The Promised Neverland manga ending edit

Date: Jun 14th 2020 Time: ~ 12h 41min (5h 45min of cleaning panels in the edit + 5h 37min of cleaning panels that didn't make it to the edit + 1h 19min of resizing) + time spent cleaning panels I've deleted the file of so I can't see lmao This is overall very nice!!! The concept of an Emma evolution through her back is cool, and I think overall the edit turned out very aesthetically pleasing. The concept idea came to me while I was working on the 2019 Emma's birthday edit, a long time before the manga ending announcement- back then I wouldn't have imagined using it in occasion of the manga ending, but I think it ended up making a nice tribute. The colors add a nice touch, since so far my edits had always been black and white- it makes a sweet closure. To make that edit I selected 76 panels of Emma framed from her back; I plan to make other versions of that edit using the discarded panels eventually!

#2: Emma - Chapter 181: Beyond Destiny

Date: Jul 12th 2020 Time: 2h 57min My last edit for the manga 🥺🥺 I think this one is my very "manga ending edit" because to me it really signed the ending of weekly chapters and their weekly chapter edits. It makes me a little sad to look at it, but it's also, I don't know, kinda sweet to see how I grew both in my panel cleaning and as a person since I first started my blog. I'm glad I got into TPN!

#3: Emma birthday edit 2020

Date: Aug 22nd 2020 Time: 8h 54min This one turned out so well!!! Though I used the same concept for all the trio edits, I think this one is the best one. The two panels on the left / two panels on the right alternation combo never fails ahah. The colors are nice (shout-out to my sister for making me a palette), despite the fact that it was hard for the lighter ones to make them work with the images without having those disappear. I'm very satisfied with the panels I chose for this, I think they work really good together! Also, it got me very happy to read everyone's comments saying they liked the fading effect in the last panel :)

#4: Emma + Eyes Close Ups [1/?]

Date: Jan 24th 2021 Time: 5h 55min This one was really nice!! Another idea I got when working on the 2019 Emma birthday edit I was glad to finally execute. Started the edit in September, finished it in December. I'm overall very happy with how it turned out... I hope I will be able to make more in the future!

#5: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (9/?) » 114 // 122

Date: Feb 23th 2021 Time: 5h 7min (panel cleaning only) Aaaaahh I really like this one!!!! A parallel I love very much, and I'm really happy with how the edit turned out. All the hair redrawing looks neat!!!! The gif is maybe a little excessive, but I think overall it's a nice edit. I like it!!! Fun fact, I completed it on August 26th 2020, but I couldn't find the right moment to post it ahah.

Honorable mention: The Promised Neverland Parallels → (5/?) » 08 // 16

Date: Aug 30th 2020 Time: 2h 52min (Second picture cleaning only; I deleted the first picture art file so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) I don't have much to say about this one except!! It turned out very nice!!!!! Love the pen lmao.

Top 10 analysis:

Too many analysis,,

#1: Post chapter 181 Emma analysis

Date: Jul 9th 2020 Mmmh a nice analysis. I think it was important for me to put down in words what I think of Emma's characterization and the manga ending, so I'm happy I did it!

#2: A long Oliver analysis because I love him very much

Date: Dec 6th 2020 What can I say I just love Oliver tons 😔😔💕💕 This was very fun to make!!!

#3: TPN s2 previsions

Date: Jan 14th 2021 Really love the effort that went into this + me proving that 11 episodes GP could have possibly worked + it's just a lot of fun to read again after s2 ended pffft

#4: More s2 delusional previsions lmao

Date: Jan 27th 2021 I think the points and previsions I made where pretty neat!! In my defense, it was pretty impossible to predict the anime would have ended with this season. I always feel honoured when friends and Anon ask for my opinion, I'm like "you wanna know what I think? Wow. I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍) " Thank you to anyone who ever sent me an ask!!

#5: Why Emma not wearing pants is 𝕨𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘

Date: Jan 29th 2021 Really proud of this!!! Pants Emma is important!!!!!

#6: Post episode 5 manga Emma analysis

Date: Feb 4th 2021 A depressed analysis, but a necessary one 😔

#7: Norman analysis

Date: Feb 12th 2021 I love him!!!! And I'm happy I eventually got to put down in words what I love about his character. The day I posted this ww3.readneverland was in maintenance so I couldn't use the volume scans for it- the thought of that post having fan edited and fan translated scans still haunts me

#8: RayDon rambles

Date: May 12th 2021 I had a blast writing this and like. It's likely the post of mine I reread more often of them all. I love this ship tons!!!!! I'm satisfied with how I put down in words what I like about them. I LOVE THIS SHIP

#9: Chapter 58 analysis

Date: May 23th 2021 I've wanted to express this concept since like the first time reading the manga- I'm so happy I finally did!!!! This concept is one of my absolute favorite things about tpn- the feelings that people are good. The concept that kids who got to live in an healthy and supportive environment will always be inclined to kindness and altruism, because humans are just inherently good. From the Three Character Classic: “people at birth are inherently good”. I want to have faith and courage to hold on the goodness in myself, and to hold on the goodness in the world, no matter how difficult it to do that (Chloé Zhao).

#10: Norman and Lambda squad relationship analysis

Date: May 24th 2021 I think this was a pretty sharp analysis and I like what I did with it!!

Other stuff:

#1: Krone birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th 2020 This edit is so good ;; Like not perfect since it was my first attempt at coloring gifs but still I believe it turned out so good ;;;;;; The time and effort that went unto this is crazy, but... Maybe I'm happy to have dedicated time to something I like for a satisfying result.

#2: Get to know my ship- Wolfpack Trio

Date: Aug 24th 2020 Uuuh a good post. A good ship.

#3: Gilda + blank glasses

Date: Aug 27th 2020 This is such a cute nice compilation!!! I love looking at it. A few panels are missing but still :')

#4: Apollo Ray AU

Date: Sep 7th 2020 (Though it was written Sep 2nd 2019 lmao) I'm so happy I finally gathered the courage to post this 😭😭 I really enjoy what I did with this AU, so this one and its other installments are all posts I have a lot of fun rereading. More than everything, I was astounded and overjoyed by the positive response it got: that gave me tons of confidence to put my ideas out there, no matter how unique they sound!!! Here's to hoping I will be able to post my RayEmma Hadestown AU, by other big AU from late summer 2019 :')

#5: TPN timeline project

Date: Dec 2nd 2020 This is like. I don't know it's a lot ahah. Arguably the project I'm the most proud of ever making. I'm just so happy of all the months long hard work and of the final result!! The post didn't receive much response (though the ones I got were extremely kind and sweethearted so that totally makes up for it), but in the end I don't really mind? I'm just so proud I accomplished that idea :')

#6: TPN calendar

Date: Jan 4th 2021 A nice sum of the tpn timeline + everyone's birth dates!!! I really like how it turned out visually. It's a cute little tpn calendar!!!

#7: Ray smiles compilation

Date: Jan 17th 2021 Ray's smile. That's it that's the post :')

#8: Trans Oliver headcanons

Date: Jan 24th 2021 MMMH really like this headcanon I think about it a lot

#9: Thoma and Lani theory

Date: Jan 28th 2021 I really don't want to brag but this is the best joke I've ever made :')

#10: My TPN AUs

Date: May 10th 2021 Ok you gotta admit those are very good AUs, I'm glad to have made a list out of them!!!

#11: Ranking Emma promotional art outfits

Date: May 16th 2021 This is one people seem to have liked a lot which makes me happy ahah. I'm glad to know we can all agree Emma deserves more pants outfits!! Please stop it with the gendered clothing :') This is the post I want to be remembered for

#12: TPN musicals AU part 2

Date: May 20th 2021 A GREAT POST I can't stretch enough how happy I am with those character-song associations. I hope I have time to make a part 3 in the future!!

#13: TPN Drive folder

Date: May 30th 2021 This was born as a way for me to have all the tpn extra contents easily accessible, but I'm happy to have shared it with people- I hope it will turn out to be useful to others too!

#14: TPN s2 recolorings

Date: Jun 12th 2021 A more diverse children cast is good for the soul :')

That's it, this year was really fun!! Thank you to everyone who supported me through it, I can't express how grateful I am for all the kindness and validation I received. Here's to many more months in the fandom!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

#mine #tpn #the promised neverland #tpn manga spoilers #Tumblr: *literally refuses to let me open the post*#Me: *Turns on my computer* B*TCH YOU THOUGHT I'M POSTING THIS TODAY AND NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME #Been working on this for four hours now.. I'm literally dead...#Also thank you Tutu for deleting the other post you're the sweetest :')#Once again this is just a personal report you don't have to read all (or any) of it unless you want to :)#Ok to reblog btw #I'll click the post button now I don't want to hear anyrhing else

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exosmutfactory · 4 years ago

Text

Six Phases 006 Pt 1

Who knew it nearly took 6 months to win your heart, and 6 phases for Baekhyun to lose his mind.

A/N: Hello!~ Long time no see. Are you ready for what comes next? 🤭😇

This chapter update is 20.5k so far... and it’s only the 1st “section” of Chapter 6 so you can imagine how this is gonna go (<.<) oops

[ contains: romance, fluff, angst, & smut (in part 2) ]

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⏰🌹Six Phases Tag List: 🌹⏰

@to-all-the-stories-i-love @insta1010

(I was unable to tag one of you guys, sorry love💗)

If you’d like to be added next time, please check out this blog post. Thank you ^^ 🌹

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A/N: I will be making the story layout more pretty ^^ Hope you like it! Let’s go!~

Track 01

It's funny how the most important people in your life can enter your world at any given moment. So suddenly—so unexpectedly that you can't imagine your new acquaintance becoming one of your best friends, a flirty friend of friends looking out for you, or even winning a playboy millionaire's heart.

Sometimes these people come out of the blue, and you may not see it then, but they will become pillars to help you hold yourself up; practical family members that you can go to in times of uncertainty—and you will thank your lucky stars every night for not being dumb enough to push these pillars of strength away. Especially if one of them holds the key to your heart…

As dumb as he can be with some things.

And there's just something about observing a silver-haired man walking through a world of white. Snowflakes clinging to the top of his head and his brown winter coat as he struggles with a large box in his hands.

• • •

The adorable pout on his lips makes a giggle escape mine. I watch him from afar with a fond smile, cupping my hands around my mouth. "Baekhyun!"

My loud call seems to startle him. I burst into laughter as he stumbles over his feet again. "Here, here." Chuckling, I quickly run across the parking lot to assist him. Thankfully without slipping on a patch of black ice along the way. "Let me help you."

"Please do." His warm brown eyes meet mine under the dim street lights, a pout still on his lips. "You sure we'll be alone tonight? This box is quite heavy."

I shoot him a small, secretive smile, neatly tucking my hands under the box along with his, my mitten-covered fingertips brushing against his leather gloves. "Yes babe, it's just you and me~"

Baekhyun hums, unconvinced, as we walk the box to his car, carefully setting it on the floor in the backseat. I catch a whiff of his heart-fluttering, cinnamon-scented cologne before he walks around to the driver's side. "Ready to tell me what's in it?" He raises a brow, resting his folded arms on the top of the snow-covered Audi, a smile playing at his lips.

"I'll think about it~" I chirp, slipping into the passenger seat as he climbs in with a chuckle, hovering my palms over the vent when he starts the car and cranks up the heat. "It's a surprise though."

He hums, carefully backing out of the empty parking lot.

"Oh!" Turning to him with my best puppy eyes, I softly ask, "Can we stop by the convenience store?"

"If you tighten your seatbelt," He advises, taking a quick glance at me and a moment to adjust his own before turning onto the road.

I lean back in the comfortable leather seat, humming along to a familiar song on the radio as he taps his fingers to the beat on the steering wheel. A smile forming on my lips while admiring his side profile against the snowy backdrop of the fogged-up driver's window.

He glances over with a smile of his own, "What?"

I can't help but giggle. "Nothing." Cheekily resting my chin on my palm and balancing my elbow on the handle of the door, I muse, "Just admiring my handsome boyfriend."

Even with only the glow from the radio and the occasional streetlight, I can spot the telling red color on his cheeks. "Shh, you're distracting me." He insists in a flustered murmur, steering the wheel.

Chuckling softly, I turn to face the window, sneaking a peek at him every now and then.

• • •

After I flashed the cashier my ID and purchased what I desired at the store, I held the bottle in my lap for the rest of the ride home, carrying it up as Baekhyun assured me he could manage walking the box on his own to the elevator. Of course, I held open the door for him to make both our lives—and my subconscious—easier, and I unlocked the one to our shared apartment.

He had asked me to move in with him the night of our one year anniversary. The question came so out of the blue, I nearly sprayed champagne all over his nervous features across our chandelier-lit table at an upscale Italian restaurant. I mean… I love surprises—and him as well—but damn man, not even a subtle warning!? And why the hell does he want to live with me anyway?

"I want to wake up every morning to your sleeping face curled up by my side," He murmurs, cheeks rosy. From his confession or the champagne, no one knows. My face doesn't feel like it's doing any better either. "Your hair products cluttering our dresser and your toothbrush next to-"

—Okay, okay. Baekhyun is a hopeless romantic who I'm forever trying my best not to melt into a lovestruck puddle on the floor because of his heart quaking words. And what he wants is what he gets. Most of my clothes are stored in our closet, my purple toothbrush next to his golden one, and my 'emergency' duffle bag is stuffed in the farthest corner of the large space.

Now that I'm officially considered, "Baekhyun's woman," Among his group of friends, I have plenty of options for places to crash for a few nights if the need arises. I'm still getting used to his face being the first thing I see in the morning and sometimes I need a little breather, especially when I sense an argument on the rise. It's all fun and games until we're both running low on sleep and high on adrenaline. A girl's always got to have a plan B.

Even Jongdae offered me his guest bedroom for shelter—and sleepovers!—since Jenny moved in with him after graduating earlier in the year. Must be nice, I got a few classes to finish up while diligently editing the current novel that Park's Publishing is working towards welcoming to the public. It's a lengthy fantasy read full of cheesy romance and battling monsters I can't even think to name—typical shit, a few twists and turns along the way, you get the gist.

Baekhyun carefully sets the box down in the living room while I remove my white coat and snow-covered shoes, quickly skipping into the kitchen with the bottle in hand. "Still trying to figure it out?" I call over my shoulder, moving to get ice from the freezer.

"They're definitely canned," He murmurs, padding into the room on sock-clad feet; his arms wrapping around my waist and chin resting on my shoulder as I work on the countertop. "Did you order exotic food again?"

I shake the bottle in my hand, "What goes good with vodka?" Looking over my shoulder, I find his eyes shifting back and forth between the drink in my hand, and the two iced filled glasses on the counter. His brown eyes light up in realization. "Cheerwine?" He chuckles at my excited nod, "You were serious, weren't you?"

"I miss my homeland soda, okay!" I huff, grinning at his endearing laugh before batting my eyes up at him, "Mind opening the box, babe?~" My eyes flutter closed as he presses a lingering kiss to my forehead.

"Of course," He murmurs, soft lips curled in a smile.

As he goes to unpack the drinks, I put my focus back on the ones in front of me, carefully pouring roughly an ounce of vodka in each glass. There is no desire to party too hard tonight when both of us have work in the morning.

"Are you ready, babe?" I tilt my head towards him, holding a glass in each hand. At the confirmation of him indeed prying open the box, I bring the drinks into the living room, neatly setting them down next to the two red cans on the coffee table. "Ready to relax?" I utter playfully to his lean body stretched comfortably across the entirety of our black & white striped couch. His black button-down shirt and matching snug jeans straining deliciously over his thick thighs and firm chest.

Baekhyun nods with a soft hum, and I won't even deny the way my heartbeat skips when he sits up, welcoming me into his open arms with sparkly brown orbs. "Come here."

Accepting the invitation—what am I gonna do? Say no? No way in hell—I carefully nestle myself in his lap, snuggling into his firm chest as my cheeks warm. They burn even more as my eyes catch his fond-filled ones. "Uh-uh." I gulp, squeaking, "Drinks?" Carefully pulling the tab on the first can he hands me before leaning forward to pour an even amount of soda in each glass. Relishing in the familiarity that washes over me in wake of the soft fizz.

Baekhyun hums, a soft smile playing at his lips. He hands me a glass and collects the other for himself. The feeling of his racing heart on my back has me hiding a smile of my own in the fabric of my pastel green turtleneck. I watch his reaction as he takes a tentative sip; his jaw moving while he seems to savor the taste before taking another, briefly meeting my eye.

I blink expectantly, "Well?"

Baekhyun chuckles, planting a heart-fluttering kiss on my nose. "It has a nice cherry flavor. I like it."

I hum, arching a brow, not quite satisfied. "Better than Cola?"

He laughs, nodding as I sip on my own. "Yes, baby," He murmurs, soft lips brushing over my forehead while pulling me closer, "definitely better."

With a nod, I let the conversation lull into a calm silence, nothing but the tinkering of shifting ice and the reassuring beat of Baekhyun's heart interrupting the blissful atmosphere. Nights like these are my favorite: staying in and curling up to each other for warmth. Away from the loud bustle of our daily lives.

Thankfully with my hard work ethic, (read numerous sleepless nights,) the higher-ups have allowed me to work from home as long as I come in for important meetings and I am present three days a week. I rarely miss more than a day every few weeks though; I have no issues working in my designated office there. However, having the option to pack up my laptop and go spend lunch with Baekhyun in his company a few blocks over is always a treat. And the cutest expression of surprise that forms on his features... I'm never taking it for granted.

I stir a little at a soft pressure on the top of my head, blinking a few times before looking up at an equally sleepy Baekhyun. Giggles soon escape us both. "Cheerwine is a sleeping drink, hmm?" He smiles, eyes twinkling.

"It's really relaxing okay," I smile as more laughter rumbles in his chest, melting further into him as his hand rubs soothingly over my back. "I had a lot through high school."

"Helped to prepare for finals?" He inquires, gently combing warm slender fingers through my hair, melted ice swirling around the bottom of his glass.

I nod, briefly closing my eyes with a hum. "That and facing idiots every day. I almost didn't want to go to college, man."

A gentle smile lights up his face, "But you did." The sparkle in his eyes as he gazes down at me warms me up from the inside out. "And then you met me."

"—The persistent idiot from a frat party."

"Yah!" He complains as I erupt into another giggle fit, squealing when he starts leaving ticklish kisses all over my neck.

"Hey, I'm drinking here!"

Baekhyun chuckles, stopping his playful attacks; his small smile pressed to my neck.

"What?" I mutter breathlessly, savoring the remainder of my drink while regaining my breath. Trying not to waver despite the heat rising in my cheeks under the warmth of his stare. His comforting grip on my waist isn't easily ignored either.

"Nothing," He murmurs, looking me over for a moment. Adoration shining clear in his bright orbs as he tucks a lock of hair behind my ear, uttering softly, "Want to take a bath with me?"

"H—Huh?" I squeak, wide-eyed, hiding behind my hand. My face damn near bursting into flames. "Why?"

Baekhyun laughs softly, briefly squeezing my waist. "I don't know, I just…" He falters, fingers fidgeting, an all-telling red hue filling his cute cheeks. "Just thought it'd be nice."

"Nice, huh?" I mumble over the rim of my glass, licking a few stray drops before they can fall while arching a brow; my lips curling at the tint of red crawling up his ears.

"Y-Yeah, I mean," He stutters, focused on my cherry lips.

"I think you just want to see me naked," I tease, leaning forward to set my glass on the wooden table behind his blushing form sitting against the armrest of the couch.

"No-" Baekhyun's breath hitches, tilting his head back at my cold lips softly exploring the warm skin of his gorgeous neck. "M-Maybe…"

"Mmhm." Gently nibbling where his neck meets his jaw and putting his half-full glass away as well, I murmur, "That can be arranged."

Baekhyun sits there for a long moment, blinking owlishly at me before he straightens up. He swoops his arms under my knees and behind my back, standing up without a word, his biceps flexing at the motion. Soft eager lips press to my squealing ones as he walks down the hall to our bedroom.

I wrap my arms around his neck with a shy smile, smirking inwardly at the rapid beat of his heart under my palm resting against his neck.

"Give me a sec," He mumbles, entering the master bathroom. He sets me down on the spacious counter and opens a nearby drawer. "Can you open the cabinet for me?"

"You're gonna light a candle?" I blink, eyes widening at the box of matches in his hand.

"Not a candle," He braces his free hand on the countertop, capturing my lips in an unhurried kiss that makes me gasp. "Many candles."

"How romantic," I chuckle, breathy as he pulls away.

"Everything for you," His lips curl into that adorable, boyish smile; his hand patiently waiting. I retrieve the container of cream-colored candles from beyond the mirrored door behind me, carefully closing it before turning back to him, watching as he lights the match. The flickering flame reflects beautifully in his brown eyes while he holds it to the first candle, the scent of vanilla filling the room. A knowing smile forms on his lips at my unwavering stare.

I clear my throat, gripping the edge of the counter, "I'll go start the water-"

Baekhyun wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me back to him with a shake of his head. "No, I'll do it."

"But-"

"Baby," He has that pleading look in his eyes, lowering the lit match held between his fingertips. "Let me pamper you."

"You're gonna make me spoiled," I grumble, eyes fluttering shut at the soft brush of his lips over my cheek.

"You're my girl," He murmurs, chuckling, softly squeezing my waist. "Of course I'm going to spoil you."

My chest nearly bursts under the weight of my surging affection. "Well then..." I begin, calm despite my racing heart, sliding my hands down to unbutton his shirt and tug at the belt on his jeans. I pull up his tucked-in t-shirt, aimlessly searching for his lips. "Do it properly."

My eyes flicker open just in time to catch his adam's apple bobbing, his little nod causes my lips to curl up. He hands me the lit match before shrugging off his shirt; his black t-shirt not too far behind. I lick my lips, trailing my gaze over his honey-toned torso. Smiling before pressing my mouth back to his soft pillows, mindful of the flame between my fingers while wrapping my legs around his waist, pulling him closer. "My favorite view."

Baekhyun's bashful smile presses more firmly to mine, strong arms holding me flush to his body. I don't know if the sudden heat in the room is coming from my thick clothes or the proximity of his firm chest.

Just as I start to feel overwhelmed by the warmth, he detaches our lips with a loud smooch, carefully taking the match from my hand. The passionate fire in his orbs burning brighter than the flame between his fingers is enough to make me scorching hot under the collar.

Baekhyun has that knowing little smirk forming on his face again, lighting a few more candles before blowing out the match. "I'll start the water."

I can only giggle, completely enamored with him. The twinkling sparkle in his eyes in response to my laugh makes my heartbeat skip even more. I duck my head to hide from his amused expression and adoring gaze.

He just chuckles, planting a fleeting kiss on my forehead before stepping towards the grand tub on the other side of the room. Grand because the damn thing has three white steps leading up to it and it's at least as big as our king-sized bed in the other room.

The soothing sound of running water fills the air, mixing with the sweet aroma of vanilla and the view of Baekhyun leaning over the tub. His back muscles flexing alluringly, black belt tugging perfectly on his hips.

I look away, covering my red face with a muffled giggle, tugging at the collar of my shirt. Just what has this man done to me?

"What?" He glances over his shoulder, an amused smile playing at his lips.

"Nothing." Hiding my smile is nearly impossible until it falls off my face entirely in wake of him running a wet hand through his silver hair. The soft strands pushed off his gorgeous forehead with those dancing brown eyes of his watching me. I'm not blushing, I swear it's the humidity in the room.

He steps back over to me with antagonizing slow strides, his hands resting comfortably on my waist. "May I?" He murmurs, sliding them down to take hold of the hem of my turtleneck. The warmth of them somehow manages to seep through the thick fabric of my shirt.

I can only gulp, nodding meekly as he smiles, pulling the soft material over my head. The way his eyes drift over my tank top makes my cheeks warm—even more so when he rids me of it without hesitation.

"I should consider underwear," He mutters distractedly, one hand swiping under the edge of my bra while the other slides warmly up my back.

"You wanna compete with them too?" I arch a brow, leaning into his touch.

"No," He shakes his head, wrapping his arm around my waist, lifting those brown eyes back up to meet mine. "I want to see you with my name."

I can't help but snort despite my racing heart, giving him a disbelieving look. "You'd make a whole clothing line just for me to wear?" My amused grin falters at his serious nod. "I wouldn't be the only one wearing them, Baekhyun."

He hums, leisurely peppering kisses to the exposed skin of my chest. Goosebumps rise under his gentle caress as he pulls off my bra, quietly muttering, "You're the only one that matters."

There's no hiding my quickening heartbeat with his lips pressed so firmly to my skin; his brief smile not helping the state of my flushing cheeks at all. Just as I part my lips, my breath hitches—words forgotten with his hands trying to slip under the waistband of my thick leggings. I tsk, lightly smacking them away. "Yours first, mister."

"Mmm." He smiles, his palms sliding down my thighs. He's got that look in his eyes again that tells of unspoken mischief. "I kinda like the sound of that-"

"Never in a million years, Byun."

He chuckles, warm breath fanning over my cheek. "Remember last time? When you just-"

"Baekhyun!" My hand clapping over his mouth does nothing to muffle his contagious laughter. I can only shake my head, reaching to unzip and pop the button of his jeans. He gets quiet as I push them down to his calves. "Don't give me that look," I mutter, running my hands over his back, already well aware of the barely concealed problem he has.

"Why?" He murmurs, seeming to be content with painting me in gentle pink hues with his soft lips.

"You're staring."

Baekhyun chuckles, lifting his head, meeting my eyes with his twinkling ones. "I love admiring art."

"Oh, so I'm an object now?" I arch a brow, leaning back on my palms braced against the countertop.

"No." He shakes his head, brown eyes still focused on mine, long strands of silver hair cascading down his forehead. "You're the source," He pauses, smiling almost shyly, "Of my love and affection."

I'm ignoring the urge to coo at his reddening ears, merely planting a kiss on his cheek before wiggling out of my pants and carefully sliding off the counter. I collect our scattered clothes from the floor, tossing them into the wash basket a few feet away, curiously venturing over to the tub. Funny how we haven't used it since I moved in with him months ago. Then again, dating a CEO or not, I still think it is a waste of water just to fill up half of this thing, let alone what kind of water bills come with turning on the internal jacuzzi mode that will set the water into motion. But tonight is a special occasion.

No need for fancy anything—well, excluding the expensive bathtub—just being by his side is one of the most rewarding feelings in the world.

The steam rising from the still water makes my face feel dewy and refreshed. Coaxing me to dip into its heated depths. I gather my hair up into a bun, reaching for my hair-tie only to find out that it isn't on either of my wrists.

"Ah—do you need one?" Baekhyun mumbles, pausing mid-stride, pink lips pouting as he ruffles his silver hair.

Smiling adoringly, I make my way back to him with a shake of my head, grabbing his wrist. "No, it's fine."

"But-"

"It's alright, Baekhyun." Noticing the uncertainty playing on his features, I giggle. "It's not going to melt off, you know?"

He still has a furrow between his brows.

Fighting my smile, I shrug after a few moments, scrunching my nose, "My hair just gets a bit puffy—but." Holding my hand up at the sight of his dancing orbs, I narrow my eyes, muttering, "If my head ends up underwater, we are going to have a problem."

"Alright," He nods, lips curled up in a sheepish smile. "I can work with that."

I smile softly, taking a deep breath as he steps closer; heart palpitating when his familiar scent hits my nose, mixing with the aroma of vanilla permeating the air. His wet hair flops over his forehead in the most endearing of ways, outlining the cute droop of his eyes and his brown irises lit with the flickering candle flames. I doubt I will ever find a more comforting place than the shelter of his strong arms, fully content with melting into the security of his honey-toned skin.

"The water's getting cold," I blurt, muffled in the safety of his shoulder.

Baekhyun laughs, briefly dipping his hand into the water. We strip off the rest of our clothes and slip into its pleasantly warm depths.

'Wow,' I mouth, settling against the far side of the tub, relaxing under the water comfortably lapping at my shoulders.

"Nice, hmm?"

"Nice!?" My eyes drift to him as he moves closer. "Dude, I could spend an entire lifetime here if I wouldn't shrivel up like a prune."

I catch a glimpse of his sugar-sweet smile before he moves to sit behind me, pulling me close until my back is resting on his chest. Relaxing completely against him, all tension seems to leave my body, only a sense of warmth and security fills my being.

This kind of closeness—this intimacy—is something I'm definitely up for getting used to. The steady beating of his heart, the soft puffs of his every breath... It makes me inwardly scold myself for not doing this with him sooner. But when I stop to think about it…

I shoot down the thought quickly, fighting the urge to squeeze my eyes shut. The past is in the past. It shouldn't define the present, nor should I think about it. No matter how painful it is, I rather focus on Baekhyun's fingers gently playing with the ends of my hair instead of getting lost in the reminders of why my chest aches from time to time. The unanswered questions and concerns that easily plague my mind if I'm not careful enough.

I'm brought back to the calming waters of the tub by the feeling of Baekhyun's hand sliding down my stomach. "What are you doing?" I grumble, peeking an eye open.

"Appreciating," He murmurs with a small smile, wet strands of his hair tickling my ear as he plants a kiss on my shoulder. "I want to wash your hair. May I?"

Both my eyes flutter open with a quiet hum, a lazy smile forming on my lips. "Only if I can too," I propose, peeking over my shoulder at him. The view of his slender neck bared while his head rests against the back of the tub with water lapping at his chest is damn near intoxicating. Like what the hell, I swear this man grows finer by the day—or maybe I'm just a sucker for him... At this point, it's probably a mixer of both. Possibilities are endless when it comes to being in love—especially the cringe-worthy ones.

Baekhyun hums, brown eyes shimmering brightly as I turn around to face him, resting my palms on his lean abdomen for stability. "I'd love that," He murmurs, arms wrapping around my waist.

I shoot him another sweet smile, reaching to grab his shampoo bottle left on the edge of the tub. An all-too-familiar citrus scent wafts into the air when I open it. Squeezing a bit in my palm, I rub my hands together. "Close your eyes—just in case," I mumble sheepishly. I'm not about to risk him getting soap in his eyes tonight. Between his luck and my clumsiness, we must take all precautions.

Baekhyun chuckles, his eyes fluttering shut as I carefully run my hands through his hair, shifting into a comfortable position on his lap. He rubs soothing circles on my back, making me smile shyly, treating his soft strands with care.

"Your roots are showing," I note, gently ruffling his silver locks.

"I know." He tsks, cracking an eye open. "I'll get it done in a few days. When inventory calms down."

Humming, I swipe away shampoo drifting down his forehead, looking into his eyes sternly. "Enough of that. Less talking, more washing."

Soft laughter rumbles in his chest. "Yes ma'am," He mumbles, brown orbs shining in amusement, shutting his eyes again.

I massage the shampoo into his scalp, thoroughly covering the hair at the nape of his neck, pausing at the soft peck he presses to my lips. My cheeks burst into flames, "Lay back for me?"

"Oh?" He peeks, soapy suds sliding down his jaw. "This isn't what I was expecting, but I'm not complaining," He murmurs, smirking.

"Baekhyun!"

He's full-on laughing, causing the water to ripple around us. I shake my head, smiling a little, shielding his forehead and scooping up water to rinse his hair.

"Almost done," I mumble distractedly, my gaze drifting over his handsome features in the meantime. There's nothing like seeing a peaceful expression form on his face, or being the one to help him relax after a tiring day. Witnessing the way his stern eyes soften into the purest brown pools of love makes me feel like a criminal. "There."

"Thank you, baby." He hums, eyelashes brushing his cute cheeks before his sparkly brown orbs focus on me. He leans up for a sweet kiss that washes my every worry away, his warm breath causing goosebumps to form on my skin. "Your turn."

I don't even try hiding my smile, relaxing at the rare feeling of his hands carding through my hair. Something about the gentle way he does it makes me giggle, giddiness bubbling in my chest.

"What's so funny, hmm?" He murmurs, biting my ear.

"Baek!" I squeal, nearly opening my eyes as he chuckles, pressing a ticklish smooch to my neck.

Stealing a peek at him, I could melt at the adorable concentrated look on his face. Moments like these remind me how much I love this man. His every habit and cute mannerisms. Even on days when we've had enough of each other, where we teeter close to the edge of a breakup, I rather try a thousand times with him than start over with someone else. Stubborn personality and all, no pride of mine outweighs my never-ending love for him.

Nothing compares to how much I would do for him. Rain, sleet, or snow, I'll be there—and knowing he'd do the same, that he feels the same—is the greatest feeling imaginable.

"Baekhyun?"

"Hmm?" He lifts his head from the edge of the tub, holding me close to his beating heart, gently tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. The warmth of his gaze and the familiarity of his palm cupping my cheek send my adoration to new heights.

Taking my time to gaze over his features, I map every soft slope, every stunning curve, every unique freckle of his skin to memory. The little imperfections that make him even more perfect to me, reminders of why I haven't given up completely on humanity. I could spend forever with you. "I love you."

His beaming smile is the most heart-fluttering gesture in the world. "I love you too."

The sizzling of meat and the mouth-watering aroma of seasoned beef fills the air, popping to the tempo of my anxious heart. I blow away annoying strands of hair dangling in my eyes, painstakingly swirling the steadily cooking, thinly sliced marinated strips around the pan. Monitoring the rice cooker on the other side of the stove while being mindful of the glass plates neatly set out on the counter. I'm grateful that this recipe is as simple as the online articles have stated, who knows what kind of disastrous mess the kitchen would be in by now if it were any more difficult on this Friday night. 8 straight hours of back and forth with a picky, opinionated novelist has left me ravenous, I can't imagine what Baekhyun must be feeling.

The familiar sound of the security code being typed in is audible over the quiet atmosphere, bringing a smile to my lips as the front door opens.

"Honey," That honey-filled voice chimes, beautiful even with the tiredness in his soothing timbre. "I'm home-"

I carefully slide the food out of the pan, giving his plate the bigger portion, glancing over my shoulder at him while trying a piece of meat. He's just standing there in the middle of the room with parted lips, his white dress shirt straining against his chest and black blazer hanging off his biceps.

"Welcome home, Baekhyunee," I murmur, an amused smile tugging at my lips.

He hangs up his coat and blazer with an acknowledging hum, neatly placing his dress shoes on the shoe rack before slipping into his black house slippers, entering the kitchen with quick resounding footsteps.

My eyes flicker over to the beeping rice cooker as I finish emptying the meat from the pan, barely taking two steps before he's wrapping his arms around my waist. "You're home early."

"That I am," He muses, pressing a kiss to my hairline, strong arms tightening around me. "What's all this?"

"...Do you not recognize Bulgogi?" I frown, giving him the side-eye while scooping rice out of the cooker, smiling at the result. It's not overdone or undercooked. Perfect. "—Wait, is it that unrecognizable? Did I fuck-" I gasp, disoriented from being spun around so quickly.

Baekhyun chuckles, brown eyes twinkling in awe as he smiles down at me. "You didn't, baby." His thumb brushes over my lips, dexterous fingers curling stubborn strands of hair behind my ear. "I'm just surprised is all. What's the occasion?"

"Well..." I mumble, spooning a piece of meat on top of some rice. "I'm tired of getting takeout all the time. We may be busy, but I'll be damned if we buy food that we can cook in mere minutes like what's the point? When we can just-" My eyes flutter close, heart rate exhilarating at the feeling of his soft pillows pressed to mine.

"Let's cook more often," He proposes with a smile, leaning down to take a bite of the spoonful of food held in my frozen hand. Not even two seconds go by before his eyes widen.

"What?" My eyes enlarge the longer he's quiet; he's chewing so nonchalantly I have the urge to run away in a burst of panic.

"It's amazing," He mumbles after a few minutes, eyes sparkling so brightly while gazing at me, planting a kiss on my nose. "I love it."

"You…" I blink a few times, lightly smacking his arm. "You jerk!"

Baekhyun just laughs, pulling me further into his warm embrace. Brown eyes forming cute crescent moons.

"I thought you didn't like it," I mumble, slumping in defeat, unmistakable warmth rising on my cheeks.

"Why wouldn't I?" He murmurs, planting a kiss on top of my head. The tiredness from a long day of work only amplifying the sexy rasp of his voice. "Even if you burnt it to a crisp, I'd compliment you."

I scoff with a racing heart, stepping out of his hold, "That's not very honest."

"Mmhm, but-" He chuckles softly, taking me by the hand and spinning me back around, love shining in those deep brown orbs of his. He's breathtaking under the dim overhead light of the stove that will need to be replaced soon. The faint glow and coupling shadows cast over his features in a captivating way, making him appear older and reformed yet reflecting the youthful emotions in his eyes all the same. His silver hair is blinding under the reflective light; surprisingly the least bit ruffled in its state over his forehead. How someone can look so stunning after working all day will always astonish me, but that's just him.

"I'm honestly in love with you," Baekhyun utters in a heart-quaking hush as if sharing a secret, setting my cheeks aflame. "—And your cooking. Holy shit, what did you put in this?"

I shoot him a small, secretive smile, resting my hand on his bicep, "It's a secret~"

"A secret, huh?" Baekhyun muses, arching a brow, fighting a smile. He briefly glances down at my mouth at that moment, licking his lips before leaning in.

"Ah-" I take a step back just as his soft pillows brush against mine, bracing my hand on his firm chest when he steps closer. "Don't you dare."

"What?" He mumbles, meeting my eyes, pink lips jutted out in the tiniest pout.

Shifting my gaze away from the unfairly adorable sight, I mutter, "I spent all afternoon marinating that meat. You better not let it get cold."

"I'm hungry for something else at the moment," He murmurs lowly, biting his lip. Just those words alone from his sinful mouth make my insides quiver. I clear my throat, trying my best to keep a flush from reappearing on my face as he runs a hand through his silver hair, giving me those darkening brown eyes.

Spotting a magazine out of the corner of my eye, I grab it just as he's leaning in again, promptly smacking his arm. "Dessert comes after dinner—if," I breathe, bottom lip brushing against his, "you're lucky."

"May luck be on my side then..." He hums thoughtfully, swiping his thumb over his lips; slender fingers softly squeezing my waist. His dark brown orbs lift back up to mine, eyeing me intensely for a long minute. My cheeks redden at the implications.

Baekhyun finally shifts his attention back to the steaming plates. "I'll handle these. Go sit down."

"I-"

He turns those dark brown eyes onto me again, the mischievous promises swirling within them enough to weaken my knees. I spin around on my heel without another word, hurrying to the dining table. He brings both the plates over, setting them down on the winter-themed table mats placed in front of our designated seats. We prefer sitting next to each other when having meals together at home—some nights spent with my right hand being held securely in his left one.

Baekhyun slides into his chair just as I pick up a pair of chopsticks, the faint scent of his cologne tickles my nose. Would it be silly to say that the room seems to warm up whenever he is around? He's like a little source of comfort and warmth, relaxing me in any situation. It doesn't matter where I am; if he is there, I'll know I'm safe, that everything's going to be alright.

"Say ah," Baekhyun's melodic voice rings, sending butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

I pause mid-bite, glancing over at him. He continues to hold up a piece of meat despite my incredulous stare, "Really?"

He just smiles sweetly, patiently waiting, his bright brown eyes sparkling when I take the offered food with a playfully annoyed sigh.

"I missed you today," He murmurs warmly, pointedly staring down at his plate. My heart nearly jumps out my chest at the sweetness. I bite my lips to fight back a smile, holding back a giggle. It's always heartwarming to know that even after all this time, I'm not the only one bursting at the seams with my love for him. He's so fucking adorable.

"I missed you too," I mutter, kissing his rosy cheek before shifting my attention back to my food. "Eat up, you've had a long day."

"Oh baby, you have no idea." He groans. The familiar sound of metal cutlery clinking against glass dishes fills the room.

"Wanna share?" I inquire, resting my chin on my palm, carefully picking up a few pieces of beef and rice. I gaze intently at him with an encouraging smile.

"I've had three meetings since the afternoon," He grumbles, a tired smile briefly tugging at his lips. "Someone kept messing up the orders and a truckload of the material conveniently ended up shipped to the wrong facility."

"Conveniently?" My gaze flickers to his glass of water on the table, dangerously close to the edge. I move it closer to the center of the table mat, eyes widening slightly at the clench of his jaw. His eyes are full of that stern businessman gleam he only gets when he's restraining the urge to go off on a subordinate.

"Mmm." His body is rigid despite his calm tone, voice deeper than usual, "I swear that they are out to get on my nerves." He speaks slowly as if containing his anger. "We've been at this for years, why haven't they got their shit together yet?"

"Did you get the shipment?" My voice is soft as I tentatively rest my head on his shoulder, stroking his arm.

Baekhyun hums, relaxing a little, resting his head on top of mine. "It's frustrating." He sighs.

"Good thing you're the boss then," I chirp, peeking at him, cheekily adding, "You can yell at them and you won't get fired."

Thankfully, my words make him laugh, breaking the tension in his broad shoulders. The joyous sound rumbles his chest and echoes off of the walls.

"Shh!" I whisper, softly covering his mouth, making a show of looking around. "Yah, don't wake the neighbors. They might think I'm watching questionable comedy again."

Baekhyun only laughs harder, pressing a kiss to my palm before taking my hand into his own, his brown orbs lit up in amusement. "That movie was a wild ride."

"Literally," I agree, raising my brows to broaden his smile. "How much longer do you have to work these long hours?" My tone comes out whiner than intended, but I just hide my face in his neck, basking in his comforting scent.

"A few more days," He mumbles, kissing my head, gently tangling his fingers in my hair. "Why? Do you miss me?" He teases, curling a strand around his finger.

My heart downright quivers. "Nah, I'm just curious—of course, I miss you!" I retort, scoffing, shooting him a look. "12-hour shifts are too much. You're gonna start getting gray hair for real."

"Just until Thursday, baby." He murmurs, chuckling at my doubtful expression, tucking hair behind my ear, and cupping my cheek in his warm palm. "Two more days and then I'm all yours."

"Are you sure about that?" Muttering under my breath, I get lost in the mocha brown of his eyes, my own fluttering shut at the light kiss he presses to my lips.

"Mmm as sure as I am about loving you," He smiles, caressing my cheek with his thumb, gazing adoringly into my eyes.

If I was standing, I'm positive I would have stumbled over my feet by now. I swear this man and his affection will make me melt into a damn puddle one day—possibly today at this rate.

The loud buzz of a phone goes off in the room. Heavy vibrations come from the left pocket of Baekhyun's black slacks, warmly pressed against my thigh. He pulls it out without breaking eye contact, but the sight of a child out of the corner of my eye draws my attention. My heart quickly sinks at the realization that…

This kid looks just like the man next to me.

"Hello?" Baekhyun hums, closing his eyes, a peaceful expression forming on his features until they snap back open. "What did you say?" He breathes, straightening up, face going pale the longer the person's muffled speech filters through the phone.

My eyes shift back and forth between him and the blank screen of his phone, the image of that child still circling around my mind. Who is he? Why is there a picture of a child that resembles him so much on his phone?

Baekhyun and I never really talked about his family, despite him meeting mine. I just assumed that it was a touchy topic or something, so I never—

"I can't—I can't," He grits out, abruptly leaning away from me, knuckles white from his tight grip on the device. He roughly runs a hand through his hair, growing more agitated by the second. "My schedule is packed for the next two weeks. I won't be able to..." He goes quiet, listening as his brown eyes drift over to mine. The nearly blank look in them makes my heart race, and not in a good way.

"I understand," He mutters, ending the call.

The silence that stretches out in the space between us while he re-pockets his phone is unbearable. Even more so with the way he seems to avoid my eye, crossing his arms over his heaving chest; a faraway look within his dimmed brown orbs.

It takes a few deep breaths for me to dare to say anything, reaching out towards him only to lower my hand back to my lap, curling it into a fist. "...Baekhyun?"

"Hmm?" His head snaps up, blinking a few times before meeting my gaze. The unfamiliar daze in his tired eyes is worrisome, "Yeah, baby?"

"That…" I bite the inside of my cheek, not sure how to go about the question I'm dying to ask. Baekhyun rarely gets like this—he gets angry, yes, but to reach this extent of...rage? I only recall witnessing it last fall when I had my phone off all night, and that one time I almost sliced off my thumb while trying to peel potatoes. Multiple chirps of his phone has my eyes darting back down to his pocket.

Baekhyun follows my line of sight, realization dawning on his features. "Ah..." He nods, adam's apple bobbing in his throat, smiling a little before reaching out for me. "Sorry about that, my love."

"Who was that?" I try my best not to seem stiff when he pulls me into his arms, but by the way his smile falls off his face, he already knows.

"My brother," He mumbles, pressing kisses to my forehead, gathering me closer despite the protesting squeak of our chairs.

"And the kid?" I look at him dead in the eye, leaning back regardless of the frown forming on his face.

"Hmm?" He tilts his head for a moment, brown eyes soon widening. "Oh! That." His sheepish smile is borderline guilty as he ruffles his hair, uttering quietly, "That's my nephew. Isn't he adorable?"

Nodding slowly, I hum, turning to poke aimlessly at my cold food. "Looks just like you."

Baekhyun's arm tenses up under my hand. He pulls the phone back out of his pocket. "You mean his father. See?" After a few swipes of his finger, he holds it up; the device displays an image of the little kid and an older-looking version of Baekhyun. "Baekbeom and I got confused a lot growing up."

Uh-huh... My heart squeezes uncomfortably in my chest as I twirl a chopstick around my plate. "Why do you never talk about them?" I whisper, taking a peek at him.

"Why don't you ever ask?" He shrugs, lips twitching—an almost annoyed tone in his voice.

"O-Oh well..." The painful throb in my chest is immediate. I grit my teeth, lowering my head and pushing away from the table. "I'll go wash the dishes-"

"No—wait." Baekhyun grabs my wrist, gently pulling me to him. "Come here." He whispers, wide eyes flickering all over my person.

"The chair's gonna break," I mutter, avoiding his eye, reluctantly sitting on the edge of his lap.

"Shh—baby." His voice has taken on that soft comforting timbre he reserves for dreary nights and hushed calls between meetings. His strong arms wrap around my waist, pulling me further into his warmth. "Look at me, please?" He tucks a finger under my chin, coaxing me to face him.

Shaking my head, I keep my eyes down on my hands, fully content with examining the state of my chipped nail polish instead.

Baekhyun sighs after a while. "I'm sorry," He mumbles, hugging me to his chest, nuzzling his nose into my hair. "I had a long day and shouldn't be taking it out on you."

"And I cooked for you." I huff quietly, crossing my arms. "Next time I'm making food for myself. You can stick to your precious takeout."

"No," He whines, hiding further in my hair. "I want your food. Your cooking is the best."

"You only had one meal." I roll my eyes.

"And I want them all." He pulls back, cupping my cheek in his hand, staring deep into my eyes. "I want all of you."

There's no holding back the smile that automatically forms on my face, but his words do nothing to ease the lump in my throat or the burn of his actions. No amount of butterflies in my stomach can hide the fact that... there are parts of Baekhyun's life that he refuses to share with me. But there's no point in getting upset over something I've known for over a year, is it?

Baekhyun peeks over at me mid-bite. "What?"

"Nothing," I murmur, breaking out of my daze, mustering up a smile. Gently wiping away a grain of rice from the corner of his lips. "You're just so cute, I bet you were adorable as a kid."

"Mmhm." He nods nonchalantly, though his reddening cheeks are a dead giveaway. "Our kids will be lucky."

I splutter, damn near dropping the glass in my hand. "Baek!" My light slap on his chest does nothing to disturb his laughter. "Stop playing, I'm still upset."

His chuckles evaporate in an instant. "I'm not." The serious tone of his voice mirrors the determination in his eyes. "I mean it."

My eyes widen, "Oh..."

"Do you ever think about it?" Baekhyun's voice barely reaches a whisper, he meets my eyes with a bashful expression before looking away. "Having kids, I mean."

"Yeah."

"Yeah?" He breathes, wide brown eyes focused on me. The utterly surprised look on his face is refreshing to say the least.

I nod, choosing my words carefully, "I wouldn't mind 2, 3, 4 mini me's."

"Four!?" The chair creaks as he leans back in astonishment. If his eyes were wide before, they are the size of saucers now. "Are you mad, woman?"

"No! I just-" It's hard to formulate words with his fingers mercilessly tickling my sides. "Stop." I groan, laughing, batting his hands away. "Can't I dream about having a bunch of cute kids?" I shrug, looking away. "I dream big, so what?"

"Nothing." He smiles, bright orbs dancing, softly squeezing my waist. "Keep dreaming, baby."

"Mmhm." Relaxing against him, I wrap my arm around his neck, giving him a look. "What about you?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't 'hmm' me." His widening smile is contagious, I just want to kiss it off of him. "How many kids you want?" I murmur, picking lint off of his dress shirt, peeking under my eyelashes at him. He stays quiet as I gently curl his hair around my finger, "Go on. Spill."

"Doesn't matter," He mumbles, pressing a kiss to my palm, picking up his chopsticks again.

"Really?" I arch a brow, not the least bit convinced. "Are you sure? I bet you want two."

"Nope." The word comes out muffled around the cheek-full of food in his mouth. Even his audible chewing is adorable and attractive.

I scoff in disbelief, smiling a little with a tilt of my head, resting it on his shoulder. "How many do you want then?"

"Doesn't matter the number or gender," He shakes his head, neatly setting his chopsticks down on his empty plate. "I just want them." He peeks at me, "With you."

My brows raise in surprise. "Thinking ahead, are we?"

He shrugs, a smile quirking at his lips. "I like being prepared."

"You know life is unpredictable, right?" I mutter, narrowing my eyes at his cheeky expression.

Baekhyun smiles sweetly, pulling the collar of my oversized shirt off my shoulder, brushing his lips over my skin. "Then I hope life predicts me with you."

It takes everything in me to hold in a gasp, tangling my fingers further in his silver locks. "What are you up to now?"

"Making it up to you." He leaves a trail of soft smooches up to my collarbone, nibbling at the sensitive skin, gently digging his fingers further into the swell of my waist.

"Making it up..." I mumble, melting into him, resting my hand over his heart. "How exactly?"

"Well." He pulls back with a tiny grin, biting his lip, pure mischief swirling within his sparkling eyes. "There are many ways my mouth can apologize..."

•⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •

A/N: What is Baekhyun up to now? I swear he grows more complex by the day. Do I write the fic or does the fic write itself? (>.<) let’s not talk about the filth that leaves his mouth (<.<) *coughs* 😳🔥🌹 onto part 2 we go~

#baekhyun smut #bbh-net #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun romance #baekhyun angst #Six Phases

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atiny-ahgase · 4 years ago

Text

A message to my Moots

Hey all, I originally wasn’t gonna do this cause I honestly didn't even know where to begin (I still don't tbh) but I said that I’ll still give it a try cause I wanted to tell you all my feelings before the new year rolls around (for me at least lol). So let’s get too it.

Firstly thank you to every single person that follows me, or has read any of my fics or liked any of my edits or even just interacted with me in any form. Thank you for the immense love and support that I’ve received on this site, honestly I didn't expect to make any friends here and the fact that I was able to meet and befriend so many amazing people. So I just wanna say thank you so much for being a part of my life. I’ve always put up walls and I’m really bad at getting close to others but Tumblr was the first site that I’ve really felt comfortable enough to be the real me. So thank you for that.

Now on to the Mentions

I had no idea how to start this so I decided to start at the beginning.

@mingishoe -Luna, you were the reason that I joined Tumblr in the first place, your fics brought me here and your interactions with other blogs opened up so many doors for me and helped me to interact and befriend so many amazing people. You were the first person that I ever sent an ask to, you made me feel so comfortable and welcome so thank you for that. Thank you for being you, a literal moon; bright and beautiful always lighting up the way. I honestly don't think that I would ever be able to explain how much I love, admire and look up to you, I honestly can’t find the words. Honestly, just thank you for being there for your little anon (Idk if you know which anon I am though lol)

@vocalyunho -Ames!!!!! The 2nd person that I followed! an absolute angel. You are such a calm soul and I just love your vibe and energy so much. I think that I’ve said this a million times but you just make me feel so safe and secure, you have such a calm and capable aura that is just so soothing to me. Thank you for coming into my life and being the amazing person that you are.

@jonghoshoe -ZAD!!! Baby Brother! My Teddy Bear! My Sunflower!! Where do I even begin?!? You were basically my first friend on Tumblr (and I am even more grateful to Luna cause I found you through her). IDK what it was about you but you had such an amazing out look on life while still being chaotic in the best way possible. I would wake up every morning and look out for your posts cause you would always make me smile. Without even knowing it you became a big part of my life and I am so grateful for that. You were my motivation when I was feeling down, you encouraged me to see the good things in the word, you hyped me up to write fics; honestly you are part of why I am the Gabby that I am today and I cant thank you enough for that, I love and admire you so much.

Next on my list is my little bunny @lustjoong -PK PK PK, my knee loving queen!!!! IDEK what to say cause I feel as though I confess my love to you at least twice a week on discord lol. I love talking with you, you're incredibly level headed and give amazing advice (which I always need cause I’m a mess lol). I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again that I admire you so much and would of never imagined that I would of ever gotten the chance to talk to you (much less be able to call you my friend) cause in my mind I always saw you as this amazing and untouchable writer (but then I realized that I’m taller than you so... lol I’m kidding). I’m happy that you found out that I was messaging you on anon and thank you for reaching out to me. I look forward to more chaotic conversations and knee pics in the new year.

@atiny-piratequeen -FIE I FREAKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I MIGHT EXPLODE!! You fill me with so much life that I cant even begin to explain. I’ve said this a million times before but I love how you aren't afraid to speak you mind and say how you feel. You're such a strong figure to me here on the platform and I've always admired how natural and bold you are with your opinions. I find your personality to be extremely refreshing and welcoming, I was never afraid to interact with you (I combusted when you sent me an ask but that’s only natural..) so thank you for providing me (and a lot of other Atiny) with a safe and welcoming place that we can come to.

@twancingyunhoe -Allyssa!!! My mom!!!! My cookie baking, Yunho loving, cat mom!! where do I even begin?? Thank you for being an absolute angel! You shine so brightly here and you're always so supportive to literally everyone. I am and always will be there for you no matter what so I want you to remember that in the coming year. and remember that I love you in your highs and your lows and I am available to provide cuddles anytime they are needed or wanted cause you are precious to me ok luv.

@felixs-moonlight -my little duckling AJ!!! I’m wishing you the best in the new year cause that's what best bois deserve! You are so incredibly sweet and caring so don't you ever forget. Even if you do forget don't worry cause I will always be there to remind you.

@seoultraveller -Cat. Your presence makes me so happy!! IDEK what it is I just love seeing you on my dashboard, when I don't see you I wonder how you are. I hope that this new years is treating you well. Also, you are NOT boring and lets talk a lot more in the coming year okay luv

@yunhozone -Jey!! I miss you, I hope that you're well, its been raining lately so I hope that you're staying dry and safe. I love your boldness and sense of humor so please don't ever change. i started following you on a whim and I have never regretted following you ever since. You make me smile and laugh so much and I hope that I can do the same for you in the coming years. Stay safe okay luv

@pirate-hongjoong -Kayla, lets both talk more in the coming year ok luv. I pretty much told you everything that I wanted to on your post so I’ll try to keep this short. I think that you're really sweet and we should get to know each other more, I’ll try to reach out some more and be a little less shy. so lets continue to grow our friendship okay.

@taelepathysroom -You were the first friend that I made on Tumblr all on my own (meaning that I didn't see you interacting with a moot or anything, I found you all by myself) to this day I don't remember how I mustered up the bravery to message you. I remember wanting to message you on anon and realizing that you had anon off and I STILL went for it lol, apparently I was wilding. But that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, I love talking with you and receiving all of your extremely important messages and I look forward to many more (my heart is not ready but it is fine).

@moongaera -Gaera you are such a great motivation to me and I’m so happy to be a part of your life. You are so sweet and incredibly talented. I love seeing you on my dashboard and talking with you cause you honestly make my heart want to explode.

@yungidreamer - Big sister!!!! Kelsi!!! My aesthetic queen who I am convince is tryna kill me on our discord chat you are so kind and helpful and give such great tips. You are such a calm soul and I love interacting with you (especially when things feel crazy) its like you just magically know the answer to everything.

@yunhoiseyecandy -Violet, we don't really talk much but I think that you're really cool and fun so lets talk lots in 2021 ok. Also IDK why I felt like this was the perfect place to post this but you're the only moot whos emoji pops up when I start to type their name in the hashtags and I always thought that its really cute. (You're also really cute). I think that we would be really good friends so I cant wait to talk with you more.

@hwaberrykiwi -CAM CAM CAM CAM CAM!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! You are so fun to talk to and so sweet and so calming and you make my heart feel like its bursting (in the best way possible). I hope that you're well and I look forward to sharing more moments here with you on Tumblr (and I am still keeping my promise of not eating Lemon Bars if they aren't from you so...)

@atinywrites -Angel!!! My precious, little angel who always attacks my poor little heart. I love your messages and how you just pop up randomly and shower me with love (then I read your posts and you're just straight up roasting people JBJDJFILJFISREHF) I love absolutely everything about you and I’m really happy that we met each other, I cant wait to see what 2021 has in store for us.

@choisans-dimples -Cass my dearest little Sugar Plum, apart from you being absolutely precious you are also extremely previous to me. I remember our first interactions and they still bring a smile to my face (we were like Tom and Jerry and honestly in a way we still are lol). But you mean so much to me and you never fail to make me laugh or smile no matter what is going on in my life. I wish for you to never lose that smile in 2021 and if it ever begins to falter just know that I’m here ok luv

@latte-fairytaekwoon -Latte, I’m not gonna lie; when Mei started adopting family members I felt like my brain was gonna explode but I gotta hand it to her cause she has great taste in family cause she chose you. If it wasn't for her then I probably would of never found you. if that happened then who would spoil me rotten?!? I am so happy to have met you I honestly thrive every time I see you on my dashboard, you are absolutely hilarious and I love to see your interactions. I cant wait to see what you do in 2021 and all of the other years to come. Thanks for being a great Tumblr Mom

@little-precious-baby -Mei, where do I begin?? You came out of no where for me, you just sort of appeared and then in the blink of an eye you became so dear to me. Id just find myself looking out for your posts and wondering how you are. IDK how to explain it but you've somehow managed to bring so many amazing individuals together in such a short time, you're absolutely amazing and I hope that one day you'll be able to see yourself the way that we already see you. Ik that things can be hard (and they will be because that’s life) but just know that this family that you helped to bring together is always here for you when you need someone to confide in and when it feels like its too much and you need a break we’ll be right here waiting for you until you come back. Just remember that your big sis loves you ok my little bean.

@ateez-little-star -JAS!!!!!! My babie sister IDK how to write this without crying cause you make me so happy that idek what to do. You are so bold and brave while still being shy and cute, I cant explain it. You are so wholesome to talk to and so fun and interesting and sweet and loveable! Like how could someone not love you!! Thank you for always checking up on me and showering me with love and just making me smile.

@yunhofingers -My sweet little bean who definitely never behaves badly!! I am sending you all of the positive vibes for the new year. Ik that things wont always be easy but just know that I’m always here and I believe in you. You are so sweet and kind and bold and I love that about you, don't ever change and thank you so much for making me smile; I hope that I can do the same for you in 2021 and beyond cause I hope that we can be friends for a really long time.

I also wanted to include the moots that I do interact with but I also want to talk to even more in the coming year. Thank you for being here for both me and other people in the kpop community. I love your blogs and you all are so incredibly kind (and ridiculously entertaining; I’m looking at you Caly and Vivi lol), I hope that we can become even better friends.

@hanatiny @sansbun @hongism @multidreams-and-desires @smallfrye @aixy-hpsa @galaxteez @jongpleasure @simphwa @inkigayeo @heeseungluvs

#my precious moots #Gabby rambles #happy new year my luvs #I hope that I didn't forget anyone #I am not the bestest at words #I am also a little tipsy so...excuse my english #I hope that my true feeling were able to reach you all #please stay safe in the coming year #sending you all og my love and support

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criminalminds4days · 4 years ago

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Family Matters | Chapter 10: Believer

Hello everyone!

I apologize for my lack of posting. I have barely survived midterms and I have found myself with a writers block once more. I am hopefully going to be able to give myself a little break between the end of the semester and after finals and the beginning of my summer courses. Thankfully I only have 2 summer classes so hopefully that will make it easier to post.

I have some announcements coming up soon and I will hopefully finish writing the missing chapters for this story and only have to post and edit. So far, I have not been able to edit anymore so I apologize for any grammatical error.

I really hope you are enjoying reading the story because I had a really great time writing it. Hope you have a great weekend!

I apologize for constant flashbacks but they are important to the plot, I promise!

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 4k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog

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(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 10: Believer

"Very well, this seems like a good start." She said as she finished reading his confession. She moved towards the camera and turned it off, signaling that she would be taking the paper and would adhere to her part of the deal.

"What is she doing?" Spencer whispered to Emily. "Without a video confession, the written one can be considered coerced. We would be back at square one."

"There is the surveillance camera, genius."

"Of course she has a backup plan." He looked at the black camera, smiling at the knowledge.

"Now tell me, who left you, was it, mom or dad?"

"My dad." She readjusted in her seat. "How many victims did you kill total. We've found five, but it seems to me that is a low number for someone as angry as you."

"Fifteen, some of them are lost in the desert, some are by the arches, they should be found fairly soon." He shrugged and continued to look at her. "Why did he leave?"

"My mother got pregnant when she was young. It was a mistake, they didn't love each other. They married because of me, so it was only a matter of time before they broke, and break they did." She fought the urge to look back, hoping that nobody aside from Hotch would review the security tape. "Did you kill your father?"

"First one. He's in the arches, his favorite place in the world."

"Did your mom not accept his apology?"

"Well, he didn't really apologize until I had a gun to his head, but my mother was always kind, so she forgave him."

"Why did you kill him then?"

"I didn't forgive him." He winked at her. "Did you look for him?"

"I did."

"And?"

"That's your fourth question."

"I don't care, I want to know."

"He is dead. As dead as can be." She said out loud for the first time. "I hired a private investigator and found he crashed his car two years after he left us."

"Karma is a bitch."

"Why keep killing if you got rid of him?"

"For the same reason, you joined the FBI." He smiled at her, "to show my dad that he wasn't gonna dictate my life. That I was not going to let him be my end goal."

"It seems to me he is. You tracked him down, killed him. For some that might be enough. But you never got closure so you decided to pray on people who made mistakes. Where did you find them?"

"I worked at a counselors office."

"Well, that is rather obvious now. Maybe you should have gotten some help yourself." She stood, ready to leave the room, "hope you enjoy prison." She turned to exit the room.

"My final question, if you had found him, what would you have said?"

"I don't know." She responded.

"Bullshit."

"Well, I couldn't ask him why he left because I already know that, so I don't really know what I would have said." She turned to him, "what did you tell him?"

"I told him trousers weren't his thing." He stood, the handcuffs falling from his hands as his smile grew wider. "You should really be more careful with what you leave laying here, doctor."She reached for her gun but everything happened so fast she had no time to fire it. He seemed to run into the wall, only this one was not as hard as it seemed and a giant chunk collapsed as he made his way through, and just like that he had exited the station. Prentiss and Reid rushed in and through the now giant hole in the station but the man was nowhere to be found. Lucas Heavensbee had just vanished on her watch.

"Fuck!" She yelled and made her way to the office, the team was now making their way to the interrogation room but stopped in their tracks as they saw her approach. "I need access to the security cameras, now." She moved towards the security office and asked for the feed of the last couple of weeks to be played, there she found there were about three days missing. "He planned this, and someone helped him. He knew exactly what he was doing. That bastard played us!" She rushed out and into an SUV, driving directly to his house that was now under surveillance. She looked around, looking for anything that would indicate he had been there. It was fast to spot it, he had managed to slide through the police cars and left a note for her.

I just wanted to make sure you knew this had nothing to do with you doctor, but I simply can't let my father win. I am sure we will hear from each other, and then we can converse from one orphan to another. Until then.

She was ready to show the note to them, as Emily Prentiss and Spencer Reid made their way through the house. The note was still crumpled in her hand, but as the local police entered she decided against it. The two agents were the best people she had ever met, she knew it since the moment she joined the FBI, and she knew they were trying to make her feel better about the whole situation, but there were some things she couldn't get past. This man had killed fifteen people and kidnapped so many more and he had slipped right through her fingers. He had made a fool of her, and she would be damned if she didn't catch him. Telling Emily and Spencer would worry them, and they would be on her case about it becoming an obsession, just like she had done after their first case.

One year ago (I think?)

Her leg bounced as she drove with the social worker and two of her co-workers. This was her first big assignment, and she wasn't sure she would measure up. It was also important to note that while Emily and she tended to get along well, Spencer and she hadn't spoken almost at all since the sweater incident.

"Should I introduce you as FBI agents?"

"No, I think it's best if we come as social workers, there is less hostility." Prentiss' said as she gave both Reid and her their fake badges. She placed her FBI ID inside her bag and took a deep breath, it was a simple mission, they would be in and out.

Never, and I mean never, say something will be easy, as this almost assures you that is not the case. The social worker, whose name was Daisy, had been shot and was now dead. They had become trapped in the middle of a war between the cult leaders and the local police. It's as if the universe wished to remind her just how much bad luck she could have.

She heard them talking to the FBI, and food had been delivered so she assumed they had implanted microphones. Now they had to find a way to communicate with them and let them know what they had concluded.

"Which one of you is it?" The man said as he pointed a gun at them.

"Are we playing tag?" She asked stupidly, earning a glare from her partners.

"Do you think this is a joke? Which one of you is the FBI agent?" She turned to look at the woman and man, trying her hardest not to freak out.

"What are you talking about?" Spencer asked, clearly nervous.

"I will ask you one more time, and if none of you tell me I will not hesitate to shoot all three of you. Which one is the FBI agent?"

She saw Emily stir and knew she had to act fast if she wanted to save her. "I am." She said before either of them could stop her. "I'm the FBI agent. Though I'm fairly new so I don't really have that many secrets to tell. I was barely cleared to be on the field. If you really think about it, I'm not very helpful, so I think maybe if you let it slide I could-" she felt a fist connect with her right cheekbone, silencing her.

"Take her to the back." He instructed one of the men. She gave one last reassuring glance to her teammates, hoping this wouldn't be the last time she saw them.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, the door to the room she was in opened and Ben came in. You would think that having a name like Benjamin wouldn't exactly command respect, but she wasn't one to judge cults.

"Why are you here?"

"Because you told your men to lock me here." He slapped her across the face.

"Who sent you?"

"My boss?" Her response was received with another slap.

"Do you think this is a joke?"

"I think that you need to feel powerful because a part of you knows you're not enough." She spoke hoping her team could hear part of their discovery, even if she was receiving punches from the man as she continued. "You think you can get away with stuff because you prayed on the week, but deep down you know that there are people here who could stand up to you, and if they did you would be done for." She felt a warm liquid fall from her lips as he continued to beat her. "I know you pray on young girls. You're nothing more than a pedophile that uses the bible as a way to manipulate women to give their children to you." As she fell he started kicking her and she tried to avoid making noise, but the pain was too much. "This is nothing, I've dealt with worse." She spoke, hoping they would understand. "I've dealt with much worse, this is nothing."

"Who do you think you are?!" The man said, enraged at her defiance.

"Nobody, just the one person that knows you better than you know yourself." That earned her the hardest hit, and she knew she wouldn't be conscious for much longer, she had to let them know. "Your suicide won't work, there are people that are skeptical and you know it. This isn't about God, or even your preferences, this is about you Ben, and how you are so terrified to go back to prison you are willing to kill your followers to avoid it, because you know they would see right through your act, you are nothing but a coward." The last kick took place and the man left the room. "Don't change the plan, I'm okay." She whispered, hoping they could hear her, wishing that even if she died right then and there, they could save the people trapped in this church.

When she woke, a woman was there tending her wounds. "Be careful, I think you might have some broken ribs."

"Don't tell Ben, he might come and finish me off" she joked, but the woman gave her a pointed look as if letting her know that was a possibility. "How long have I been unconscious?"

"I don't know, maybe a couple of hours. They will come and get you for the ceremony, use you as an example."

"That's okay, I've always wanted to be one of those."

"This is not a joke girl, he's dangerous."

"I know. The trick is to have nothing to lose."

"Well, I have a daughter."

"Ben's wife, right?" The woman flinched at the mention. "You're not okay with that, are you?" And then, the pieces of the puzzle fit together. "You made the call, didn't you?" Before the woman could confirm her suspicion, a man entered and pulled her up, not worrying if her body ached, and took her to the church. She used the door frame to help her stabilize herself and took in the sight before her. It was still light, but with the time she lost she couldn't be sure how much time they actually had left. Emily and her locked eyes and she approached, her eyes full of worry, but her facial expression was one of pure anger and hatred. "On a scale of one to ten, how much do you hate me?"

"How could you lie to us?" She asked, and as the men made their way to the front, her tone didn't change, but her questions did. "Are you crazy? Why would you do such a stupid thing? They could have killed you."

"I know, but it was either me or all three of us. Besides, I'm fine. We need you and Reid on the inside."

"This is reckless behavior."

"I know, but you were about to do the same."

"I have experience."

"Exactly, I can be a scapegoat."

"You are the most stubborn person I have ever met."

"I know, it's a gift. Now listen, I think there are mics, in the food, and if I'm right, I think I have been able to feed some information to the team, but we need to figure out when this massive suicide will take place."

Emily nodded and gave her an apologetic look before shoving her harshly. She fought the urge not to wince but it was almost impossible with her broken ribs. "You are a disgrace to this country, and I hope whoever you work for knows that they will not get away with it."

Ben looked over and stared at her, and despite her pain and the fear of another beating, she stared him down, letting him know that he would not get the best of her. She was gonna save as many people as possible and he could suck it. He was just another man who thought they were invisible because they weren't afraid to beat you up.

Spencer observed the interaction and the defiance she had amazed him. Despite the bruises and the swelling of her eye, not once did she lower her gaze or show any sign of weakness. Never in his life had he felt so attracted to someone as he did right then and there, but now was not the time to daydream of your coworkers, especially when they could be on the verge of dying.

As the day progressed, she continued to look for ways to tell the team, finally resorting to using the window to write a message. When she was younger she used to huff into a window to create fog and used it to write, so she did the same, letting the team know she could possibly convince some people to exit and they could come in after.

"What are you doing?" The woman from earlier spoke as she entered the room.

"If I'm gonna die, I might as well go doing something I like. Fog drawings." She said and covered her work. "Listen, don't ask me how I know this, but the FBI might strike tonight and if they do, he's not gonna cooperate, we need to get as many people as possible out."

"No, I can't do that."

"Please, I know you're scared, I'm terrified right now. I might have peed my pants earlier today, but that's not the point. The point is we need to save as many people as possible. Please help me get them out." Through the window she saw a figure, holding three fingers up. She nodded and turned back to the woman.

"Three a.m.?"

"You saw him too?"

"Yeah, one would think the FBI would be a little more discrete."

"We have our moments. Now please, make sure to get everyone out before then." The woman sighed and nodded, agreeing to the plan. "And one more thing, the people I came with, how are they?"

"Are they also agents?"

"No, of course not. I just dragged them into this and feel responsible for them. They are good people."

"The man seems to be fascinated by Ben, and vice versa. The woman keeps pacing around as if hoping for enlightenment. She has talked to some people though."

"Okay good. Please make sure to get them out too." After she left and closed the door, the woman sat down, her injuries making it hard to breathe. "I don't know where I am, or how to get out, but that will not change the plans okay? I need to make sure all these people are safe."

She wished she could hear someone ensuring her that would be the case, but there was no answer. She felt herself get dizzy and knew there was definitely internal damage that would take time to heal. Turns out her mother was wrong, money couldn't get you out of everything. It felt like an eternity, but she knew the time was approaching. She saw and more and more dark figures gathered around the church. She even caught a glimpse of Derek, who seemed to be looking around, as if hoping he could find her. She huffed one last time and wrote a message to him.

The door opened and nobody came in. She knew what it meant, so she gathered her remaining strength and walked out. Everything was dark and she could hear Spencer's voice coming from the main room. She followed it and stopped as she noticed him trying to talk a man down from placing explosives. She cursed under her breath. She stepped forward only to be pulled back by someone.

"Don't even think about it." The man said.

"Derek, we need to help him."

"I know, I'll go, join the rest. Everyone is already out."

"But-"

"Go!" She began walking out before it all happened. Reid ran towards them and Derek pulled the both of them to the nearest and hopefully safest area before a sharp pain on her head made her vision blurry and soon after she lost consciousness.

"I think she will appreciate it if you showered." She heard someone say, once she finally regained consciousness.

"Well, then she can tell me that herself." Another voice responded.

"Emily, you and Spencer have been here for a week. You need to go to the hotel and rest. At least the kid has been using the shower."

"I am not leaving until she wakes up. That includes leaving to bathe."

"Neither am I." A third voice added to the mix. "Though I can't say the same thing about avoiding water."

"How am I supposed to leave if I can't trust the two of you to take care of yourselves?"

"Easy, your flight leaves in less than an hour and you are still here. Unless you want to be paying fees you will get out of here."

There was a sigh of resignation before the voice spoke once more. "Reid, you're in charge until she wakes up. Then she's in charge."

"You're gonna put the one of us that was hit in the head 'in charge'? What does that even mean?" The female voice complained.

"I have made my decision. Maybe if you showered, things would be different." The voice faded, and the steps of the person became less clear, so she assumed the person was leaving.

"I think Morgan is right, you should take a shower."

"Don't make me hurt you, Reid."

"It was just a suggestion."

She didn't want to interrupt their banter, but her urge to sneeze was bigger, so she let her body do its thing. Though it is important to let you know that sneezing with broken ribs is horrible.

"She's awake!" Emily screamed and launched herself onto the bed. She started crying from pain after the action. "You're so happy you're crying!"

"Prentiss, that might be because you just jumped on her ribs." The man clarified as he stood, placing his hand on hers. The feeling was foreign, but she could let it slide once.

"I am so sorry! But I am so happy you're awake."

"What happened?"

"After the explosion, you hit your head, and because you already had injuries your body gave out, exhausted. Thankfully the ambulance was already there and we could rush you to the hospital. You've been sleeping for a good week." He explained.

"Well, then I don't get a lazy day for another three months." She joked and the two joined her. "How are the believers?"

"They're all safe and accounted for. Sadly we lost Ben's wife."

"Does her mom know?"

"Yes, but she wanted me to tell you she doesn't blame you and hopes you do get better." There was a moment of silence, as she processed the message, as well as her guilt.

"And I want you to know I ate your Jell-O." This caused her to laugh again. No matter how painful it felt, she was glad to be alive.

"Remind me to never get stuck in a hospital under the care of Spencer Reid. He'll eat my Jell-O."

"Let's make it a no trip to the hospital policy."

"Do I need to remind you where we work?" The woman shook her head, and both of them looked at her with a heartwarming smile. "I hate to break this moment, but please go shower, Prentiss."

"Ugh, fine." She placed a kiss on her forehead and moved out. "Reid, if anything happens, call me. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Got it."

She walked out and the two remained silent for a couple of minutes. Their hands were still together and she squeezed it to get his attention. "How are you doing? I wasn't the only one that got caught in the blast."

"I'm good. Morgan and I barely had a scratch, they cleared us that same day."

"That's good. What about the rest of the team?"

"They are all good. They wanted to stay but they had another case, Hotch said your family was out of reach so Emily and I refused to leave. Morgan also stayed behind but they called him up today, without three agents they needed all the help they could get."

"You guys didn't need to stay." She assured him. His grip on her hand tightened, enough to let her know he wasn't letting go, but not enough to hurt her.

"You could've died. Because of me."

"That's not true and you know it."

"I should've said I was the agent."

"We both know the reason he didn't kill me was that I'm a woman. You wouldn't have been so lucky."

"Still."

"Reid, listen to me. This is not your fault, and this is not Emily's fault either. I knew what I was getting into, and I would do it again in a heartbeat."

"You are one stubborn woman."

"I know." She smiled at him, "now please go find me some Jell-O."

He laughed, but nodded, letting go of her hand. Just before he exited the room he turned and gave her the most endearing look she had ever seen, "thank you, for saving our lives. I'll never forget that."

"Good, that way I can ask for favors at any time." They both chuckled and he left the room hunting for the dessert.

The reality in her brain, however, was not as calm as she portrayed. For months she had obsessed over what she had done wrong, and she had spent sleepless nights thanks to her recurring nightmare, in which Ben didn't hesitate to pull the trigger, and as she watched Spencer and Emily's bodies lie in a pool of blood. This alone was enough to make her train and perfect her skills, to the point of complete exhaustion. She wasn't going to fail, not again.

That was until Lucas Heavensbee had brought her right back to her dark hole.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer x y/n #Criminal Minds #CM #fanfic

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jay-and-dean · 5 years ago

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Same 3/4 Same names

By Roonyxx and Jay-and-dean

Pairings : AU Dean x reader, Dean x reader

Summary : Two Deans… What could go wrong ?

Serie Warnings : Smut, Angst, hurt (and jealous) Dean, hurt AU Dean, hurt reader… hurt everyone. Swearing, Alcohol. (15.13 kinda spoilers ?)

Wordcount : 3.3k

Note : This is a collaboration beetween both of us. We can’t both edit the same post, so we decided we would post 1 chapter/2 each. So if you want to read chapter 4, it will be edited on @roonyxx ‘s blog… TOMORROW.

We both worked as much on this story and it’s the result of both our brains but also both our hearts.

Please, if you want to show love for this story, don’t forget we were together in this.

Part 1 : Same eyes

Part 2 : Different hearts

Roonyxx Masterlist

Jay’s Masterlist

_________________________________

3. Same names

Y/n was curled up on one of Dean’s comfy armchairs, holding her knees against herself, warming her hands around her cup of coffee. And she was just doing nothing.

At least she looked like she was doing nothing, because in her head, she was listing her faults. One by one, hurting herself with everything she could have done better, differently or not have done at all.

She had spent nights crying over the man she loved, as he was out with some girl named Lucy or Vicky or anything, was it that bad to finally find some comfort in a man’s arms ?

Yes it was. Because that was not any man she slept with.

And as using her best friend’s double to satisfy her needs was not enough, she had hurt another Dean too. She could remember his face clearly, his voice when he said he loved her, and she was starting to understand why he knew her body even better than she did herself. How he kissed her and touched her… And thinking he knew everything about her made her shiver.

“Can I come in ?” Dean’s voice echoed softly and she jumped a little.

She was so far in her thoughts that it took a second for her to come back and turn her tired eyes on him.

His tall shape in the door frame was one of the thing she always loved the most, seeing him come to her, to say goodnight, to ask her if the researches were giving something, to offer something to eat… Whatever the reason was, everytime he appeared at the door like this, it was like the sun was coming through the clouds.

She was far from knowing how nervous it always made him. After all these years, he was still wondering if he would bother her, if she needed space or to be alone for a while ; if she was tired of the boorish men she lived with sometimes. He had never had a woman at home before (Lisa was different, it was her house, it was her life, and the whole situation couldn’t be compared), and a woman he loved like that...

He was wrong. He was wrong each time he thought she would rather him not showing up, he was wrong each time he persuaded himself that she was better without him… But he didn’t know she was just waiting for him most of the time, and so he was nervous.

That precise moment was way worse though. He was terrified.

Terrified of his own feelings, of what he would find on her, a new hickey, a scratch mark… Because everything that reminded him that his other him had had her was like a stab in the guts. And he will see the mark of his elbow on her face. Hurting her was his worst nightmare. He was also terrified of what she was going to say; of what he was thinking so loud but never wanted to let it slip.

Don’t push her away, his alternate version had said. Do not let our own self wallowing bullshit stop from being with her. But Dean didn’t think of this as self wallowing, just truth, he wasn’t ready to understand how much she needed him yet. So he kept thinking he needed to be a better friend to her, apologize for his drunk behavior and hitting her accidentally. But not once he came close to convincing himself he should try to change their relationship to something romantic.

He was damaged and all, dangerous and cursed. That’s how Dean Winchester pictured himself.

“This room is yours” she shrugged. “I can leave if you want.”

“Leave ? No !” he shook his head, coming in hesitantly. “I wanted to apologize.”

“Dean…” she started, not feeling like she deserved any apology.

But he came closer, sat on the edge of the other chair, turned to her, and didn’t let her speak.

“No, really. I… I acted like a dick” he looked down at his open palms. “I drank too much and… my behavior was…” he rubbed his face. “I was really rude and… hurtful. And I punched you.”

“You didn’t punch me, I came too close to your elbow” she smiled softly, trying to ease his obvious guilt.

“No” he grunted. “I was being violent and I was drunk… There’s no excuse for that.”

She tightened her grip around her coffee mug, what was her excuse ?

“You were hurt” she stated, hoping he would somehow explain why he was that hurt.

“Yeah well, no reason to make you go through all this.”

The second he said he was indeed hurt, her heart sank a little lower in her belly. She knew it, just, hearing him admit she had caused him pain was barely bearable to her.

She bit her cheek and nodded, not finding her next words.

“I… I shouldn’t have talked to you like this, drank like an idiot and leave you and Sam with strangers” he continued. “And I shouldn’t have fought with him… especially if… you like him.”

“Like him ?” she half strangled on her coffee sip. “Dean… I think you misunderstood. We…”

The word we felt like a stab in Dean’s chest but he didn’t move a muscle, patiently waiting for her to break his heart.

“We had both our reasons to… get intimate” she said with shame. “But that was one time, I’m not the woman he wants, and I don’t want more with him.”

“Sam is making them IDs and a giving them a credit card. They will leave, are you… disappointed ?” he dared asking though his teeth.

“No” she said sincerely, but the pain she felt for him since she knew his loss gave a sad tone to her answer. “I…” she started, her breath short in her lungs crushed with shame and guilt. “I would have gone crazy if you… or Sam… had slept with someone looking exactly like me. It’s your body. It’s…” she swallowed the tears, looking in the bottom of her mug. “It’s your intimacy.”

He sighed. She was right, he hates that, but not for the intimacy reasons... At least it was really not what was hurting that much.

“It’s not that” he mumbled sincerely.

But when she lifted her wet eyes on him to encourage him to say more, he became silent again and she knew she could wait a lifetime, he would just not say another word about that.

“I’m so confused” she admitted.

“I’m sorry.”

“Do you know… His girlfriend…” she started and he moved a little on his seat.

“That he was engaged to… the you from his world ? Yeah… Sam told me.”

“I’m so selfish” she slightly whined, playing with her mug. “He was so hurt Dean… If you had seen his eyes, he’s broken and…”

“And I punched him in the face…” he whispered, feeling actually bad for hurting the other him for the first time. “He… He talked a little to me. He is really…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence. In love ? That was too painful to say.

“I get why he did it…” he sighed. “It was kinda selfish of him, but why would you call yourself selfish ?”

She looked down, she couldn’t just tell him she had jumped on his double because she couldn’t resist an occasion to feel him, his lips on hers, his hands on her skin... to fulfil her deepest desires.

“He had… Something I wanted” she looked down, that sounded even worse.

“Oh ?“ he raised his eyebrows, having no idea what she was talking about.

Maybe she had a physical need, a kinky desire ? Maybe she just needed tenderness or to feel desired and beautiful… Dean couldn’t deny that his alternate him was good at making her feel special.

“But it wasn’t… real” she sighed.

Of course it was very real, but the fleeting illusion of having her Dean was not. Because love is not about having and the body is just a part of it anyway ; the other Dean looked like him, but he never lived what Dean lived, what made him, and they didn’t have that history she had with the man looking at her. They never sneaked out of the motel room to the pool at night together, he never cried the loss of his father in her arms after he had to crush that damn pearl.... But as he couldn’t know all those thoughts in her mind, he grew more confused.

“Dean I…” she caught his attention, tears fighting her voice. “I’m really sorry I… feel like crap.”

I feel like crap. That was the kind of things you only said to your closest friends, because it was different from I screwed up or I regret. I feel like crap, was either a confession of self-hate or a call for help.

Y/n and Dean had a relationship where this thing could be said, he already did, and now was her turn…

“You know, I really over reacted, Y/n, please don’t feel bad because I can’t handle some... things in me” he avoided the word feeling, but put a hand on her knee.

“It’s not you, Dean, really. I c-can’t get rid of the idea that I abused your intimacy…”

He frowned. Intimacy was a complicated concept for him. Since possession and Hell, since Michael, the integrity of his body -a body that had been cut, burned, shattered, boiled, skinned, stabbed… a body that had been used to kill, torture, threaten…- had never really been respected, and the fact that, without even touching him, she felt that bad for that, made him love her more.

She had always been the only one trying to figure out how he could live the horrors going on, how he could feel, asking the right questions, even if he rarely answered them…

“You abused nothing” he cut her. “That’s how messed up our world is, if I had a twin brother, this idea wouldn’t even come to your mind.”

That was different because in her head she knew that she had undressed the other Dean to see him.

“I shouldn’t have asked him to kiss me” she continued and Dean’s stomach contracted. “If I had knew what it meant for him, how painful…”

“He’s a grown up” Dean stated. “He makes his own choices, and to be honest, I still think he kinda used you.”

“No Dean…” she sighed.

She had understood the other Dean. Paradoxically, it was in their own selfish use of one another that they had found each other, and a bond made of respect and empathy had grown between them. But she couldn’t explain that… To anyone.

Sam appeared at the door with a sigh. His eyes laid on Dean’s hand on her thigh and it warmed him.

“Everything is ready” he stated and stayed in the door frame for a second, waiting for an answer.

As Y/n didn’t talk, her eyes back on her coffee mug, Dean gave his brother one of these looks that meant a lot of things. This one was saying “It’s complicated but, we will be here in a moment, just give her a minute.” Sam, of course, understood what his brother told him without a word and left.

“I think we should say goodbye” Dean murmured with a heartache, still hating that she looked so sad when it came to his other self.

His hand on her thigh gave a little squeeze and she dared touching his hand for a second, her index finger gently rubbing a freckle here.

“Yes” she just stated.

She got up, still clinging to the cup in her hands like it could hold her back. Dean followed her silently as she walked to the library, he could see she was a little tense.

The Sams and alternate universe Dean were in the war room, bags on the table, standing a little awkwardly. Y/n looked at them, their tall frames and charisma invading the room. Sam and his double were facing each other and even Dean looked small next to those giant men. And Dean wasn’t a short man, far from it.

They were talking about Hunter Corp, alternate universe John Winchester’s operation. Sam seemed to want to know everything about it, and until the last minute with them, he would keep asking questions about how people dealt with knowing the truth, how financers worked, how hunting was organized. He needed to know if such an operation was making a true difference. But in the end, Y/n thought, their world had disappeared and not this one.

She didn’t dare walking to that other Dean right away, staying a few feet away.

His hair were back to being brushed flat on his head, giving him a cute nice-guy look, he was wearing his white shirt and sand coat again, those bracelets she really liked at his wrist. And when he saw her, a soft smile appeared on his face.

This little move of his lips was a sign of their new complicity, it was sincerely friendly, and in the same time filled by the emotions of seeing the face of the woman he loved, and that’s how she understood it.

But her Dean didn’t, a burning jealousy still squeezing his heart. He reached to her from behind and flattened his palm on her lower back softly, just to remind her he was still here.

She turned to him for a second, searching his green eyes, and noticing that scar on his chin that the other, fancier Dean didn’t have. She loved this scar, she loved every scars on his body and on his heart, even if she would give her life for him to get more.

“Thank you” she told him earning a light smile.

She was thanking him for being him, and he thought she did for supporting him.

Then she walked to the other men in the room, letting her fingers graze the familiar map-table.

“It was a pleasure meeting another Y/n, a really nice one” said man-bun Sam with an unreadable look.

Y/n couldn’t help but glimpse at Sam, her own regular friend Sam before she answered, like it could help her keeping her mind clear. And, as usual, it did. The smart compassionate light in his hazel pupils eased her still half-panicked half-confused brain and she could answer.

“It was really nice meeting you too. Where are you going ?”

“Brazil” alternate Sam nodded. “But we still have to find a way to fix our world, and without our trained hunters and equipment, if it is even possible.”

“I really hope it is” she bit her lip, doubting it was like everyone did, but wasn’t it the essence of a Winchester to try the impossible ?

“Did Sam gave you phones ?” she asked and her friend nodded. “If you need me to help with research or anything…”

Both tall hazel eyed hunter looked down for a second in a creepily synchronized expression of light embarrassment.

“I think…” Man-bun Sam said with that smile that only he mastered, that very polite and soft, but also very slightly irritated smile of his. “I think it’s better if we don’t stay too much in touch, Y/n, Sam...” he posed, evidently disturbed by the use of his own name. “Gave us names and tips, we will do just fine. My… brother needs to move on.” He ended a little lower.

She bit the inside of her cheek and sighed.

“Of course” she stated with all the dignity she could find in herself, even if she felt accused, unable to distinguish her own feeling of guilt from what the man was actually insinuating.

But his next words warmed her heart a little.

“Thank you for being so understanding. You really are, in any universe, someone noble despite what dad used to claim.”

For a second, there was a hesitation, alternate universe Sam moved his arms, like he wanted to hug her, just like Sam always did, and like this Sam probably used to do. He had lost her too, and if she was this important to Dean… she must have been really important to his brother too.

But he didn’t hug her, and just put a hand on her arm kindly.

His brother, however, he hugged her the second she walked to him, wrapping his suede covered arms around her.

“You stay cautious, Love” he said letting go when his double’s eyes darken. “Especially with demons…”

“I know…” she said sadly. “I will.”

“Y/n…” he let out in a sigh, taking a few steps back, taking her with him.

He didn’t took her to another room, and she would probably not have followed him anyway, but just a few feet away, so that his whispers wouldn’t be heard if he kept them low.

“Did you talk to him ?” he murmured, searching her face.

“I… Listen…” she tried but he let out a sigh.

“You listen, his feelings seem to be an issue for him, at least talking about it, even to himself” he whispered, getting a little closer to be discreet. “But you have to talk to him, believe me.”

“Dean…” saying that, she looked back to see the man they were talking about. “You and your Y/n, it’s not Dean and me, he doesn’t…”

“He doesn’t what ?” he cut her, shaking his head a little in disapproval. “You… You’re a lot like him actually.”

She lifted her eyes to dive in his, her face stern, she didn’t know what that meant, but be like the man she admired the most could only be a good thing.

“He needs you” he insisted a little louder and she hushed him.

“He doesn’t, you don’t know him.”

“Don’t I ?” asked.

This question was confusing, who did understand Dean better ? Someone who knew everything he had been through, or someone that didn’t but was… She frowned and cleared her throat. She needed to change the subject. Make things right as much as she could, forget about all this to get back to be the best friend possible.

“I’m sorry” she stated. “I feel like I have made things a lot worse, salt on the wound.”

“You didn’t. You’re not allowed to feel bad about it, okay ?” he took her hand, not noticing that this world Dean was looking at them, clenching his jaw, frustrated that he couldn’t hear them. “You gave me closure and I am just grateful. I will be okay…”

She smiled weakly at him and nodded.

“Dean” his brother rushed him a little, already holding his bag.

“Yes…”

She turned and gave the men waiting a shy smile, ready to join them, but he walked in front of her, looked at her in the eyes and bent to hug her once more, not letting go so quickly this time. As she hugged back, she looked above his shoulder to Dean watching them.

“Y/n and I were not just engaged” he murmured in her ears, making her shiver. She kept her eyes on the man she loved, he was staring back with his hands in his pockets. “We were… are soulmates. It’s not a way of speaking, Fate told us, Cupid confirmed.”

Her pupils dilated and Dean noticed it.

The man holding her finally let go.

“Goodbye Y/n” he smiled and reached her face to wipe a tear she hadn’t even noticed.

“Goodbye Dean.”

And he left, they left. Escorted by her Dean, they took the metal stairs as she stayed frozen playing his words again and again in her head.

Part 4 will be edited (tomorrow) in @roonyxx‘s blog

________________________

***FEEDBACK IS GOLD***

Forever Tags : @parinarain @animegirlgeeky @mogaruke @masterof-agony @rainflowermoon @tftumblin @deans-baby-momma @roonyxx @thefaithfulwriter @vicariouslythruspn @emeow1496 @daryldixonandfrogs @holylulusworld @cocklesbelli @sandlee44 @screenchingartisancashbailiff @donnaintx @hawaiianohana31 @akshi8278 @magssteenkamp @sister-winchesters99 @neii3n @lyss-dw79 @im-a-shrub @sadwaywardkid @hopelesslydevotedtoyou1912 @slyqueenj @i-love-superhero @waywardsisterandpie @sunsetsandbooks @fangirlxwritesx67 @mrspeacem1nusone @stylesismyhubs @deanwanddamons @jawritter @peridottea91 @chelsea072498 @chocolateheart @vicmc624

Same Tags : @olichat @starryeyeseunbyul @acklesterritory @deanmonandnegansbitch

Roonyxx will put her tags in the reblog

#supernatural #SPN #spn fic #spn fanfic #SPNFamily #dean winchester #dean winchester fic #Smut #fluff #angst #au dean winchester #au dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean x reader #jealous dean winchester #colab #colaboration #roonyxx #jay-and-dean

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thisuserlovesnayeon · 4 years ago

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hello everyone! well i dont know who i mean by “everyone” considering my blog is basically an echo chamber for my own thoughts and feelings but nevertheless hello! as you may have seen already loads on your dash, everyone’s whipping out the end of year shoutout posts thanking the people who have made this dark hellhole seem a bit brighter. im going to do the same - so to all the people tagged below thank you very much for your services to my mental wellbeing!! as an avid fanfic consumer i will say the amount i interact with said fanfic writers is quite atrocious - something I hope to improve in the new year. so without further ado, here are some people id like to say thanks and well done to!

🌟 @starrychannies - thank you for being the first skz blog i decided to follow since stanning!! your fics are so beautifully written and you just have this way of writing that fills me with what i can only describe as warmth and love. the little details you put in and how you write the characters (both skz and the reader) is what keeps me coming for more. its like i feel a genuine connection with the characters that rarely occurs in fics it seems and im very grateful for your talent - along with the memey gifsets and picures of course! i genuinely hope 2021 is a gorgeous year for you!

🌷 @akinnie75 - where on earth do i even begin!!! i remember stumbling across your blog on a sunny june afternoon and suddenly it was time for dinner, id read all of your fics multiple times and i could barely remember that the BTS members werent really princes or ghosts or even sociology majors! the way your stories cascade across the page like a giant waterfall is something i havent seen in literature for a really long time. again, im a sucker for characterisation and you absolutely nail it every single time. thank you so much for the work you produce and once again i hope 2021 brings you joy and happiness.

⛩ @chenle - if we’re talking about blogs that fed my skz addiction, it would be a crime not to mention you. i literally vivdly remember sending you an ask saying I dOn’T eVeN kNoW wHo StRaY kIdS aRe YoUr FiCs ArE nIcE tHo and look where we are now. i can sense 2020 was a tough one, as was the case with so many people and whilst a part of me is sad you are no longer writing, i am mostly very grateful for the vast expanse of fics and ideas and stories and headcanons and everything else you blessed your cult with. i sincerely hope you can take this opportunity to rest and rejuvenate and whatever path you choose to take i will support you all the way.

🎨 @ofkimtaehyung - although i mentioned my avid consumption of fanfics, i do enjoy the occasional gifset and fanart too. whilst im past my brief tryst with BTS (she says 👀👀) one would have to be blind to ignore the immeasurable talent you hold. how you manage to manipulate music videos and photoshoots into concert ticket stubs, movie posters and broadway leaflets is honestly beyond me. BTS are already 7 of the most handsome ethereal men to exist and your sublime editing means they end up looking even more heavenly. i hope 2021 brings rewards for your work because it is seriously amazing!

⛓ @anqeluv - your changing aesthetics as well as the 2020 kinktober masterlist were all that i needed to be drawn in. the way you write the filthiest things in the most simple and eloquent manner is severely understated. lots of people tend to go overboard with the ~naughty~ scenes but you keep it the perfect balance of classy and downright filthy which is much appreciated. im very excited to see that you are possibly considering writing for ateez as well - who are one of my newer fav groups! i very much look forward to all that you will bring in 2021 and hope you are safe and well.

🐈 @chaoticminhos - it was priceless that pulled me in and all the rest of your gorgeous fics that have kept me here! and boy am i not complaining. you have such a gentle (ironic for someone called chaos i suppose) way of writing in my opinion, that keeps things flowing and simple without unnecessary embellishments and i just adore it. priceless, in my humble opinion, is such a classic that i keep coming back to. i sit back in awe at the quiet progress of their relationship every goddamn time (as though im reading it for the first time) and im very grateful for the experience. i hope 2021 brings you lots of light and positivity.

there are so many other blogs that have helped me get through this year - whether it be with their creative content like fics, their personalities and jokes shared on their blogs or even advice given to their anons. im sorry i couldnt mention everyone, but do know that if i follow you you hold a very special place in my heart and im very grateful to all of you content creators. people dont appreciate what you do enough, and instead of offering feedback and compliments you get attacked by rude anons demanding more of your work, regardless of what your personal situation might be. you dont deserve this at all and i do hope people have worked on their manners during quarantine now that we have had the time! anyway, to close off, even if you havent done anything this year, im still incredibly proud of you for making it this far. whether we’ve talked before or not (we probably havent im a bit of a hermit i’ll be honest), my inbox is always open. if you need a friend to joke with, a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to - im here. have an absolutely amazing NYE and lets make 2021 our year!!!!!

#skz #ateez #bts #fanfic #end of year thanks post eyyyy #love u all #stay safe!!!

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endo-meme-triosis · 4 years ago

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This is a personal gripe but related to the previous post, it feels like with endometriosis, if people are aware of it, they still only really talk about things like heavy, painful periods, and maybe infertility. And don’t get me wrong, those definitely suck (even if the latter doesn’t really mean anything to me personally), but even within endo communities it feels like there’s not a lot of talk about how it can fuck with you outside of menstrual and reproductive stuff.

Like, I don’t really get periods much any more because of the depo-provera I get (though that Has been getting more hit or miss lately - In February I managed to have a period that lasted two weeks, which was Super Cool), but my symptoms haven’t all just gone away because of that. Last week I had pelvic pain so severe on a couple of day that it hurt to walk even from my bedroom to the kitchen - It felt like I was being punched in the gut with every step, to the point that I was unironically looking for lightweight self-propelled folding wheelchairs that I would be able to take with me in case it started happening while I was out and about (lowkey eyeing up the featheweight if it keeps up, for the record. Not excessively expensive, portable, and it seems to have good reviews, though I’ll have to do more research). And I’m consistently experiencing lower back pain, I have gut fuckery that causes everything from nausea to rapidly flipping between no appetite to ‘eat ALL the food right now’ to soy intolerance to symptoms mimicking ibs-m, I have the fun combination of ADHD fatigue and endometriosis fatigue, even when it’s not outright pain I’ve had instance where I could Feel the pressure in my pelvis from what I can only assume based on the locations are cysts... and of course that all feeds into this fun loop of

[Image ID: An edit of the Lie Down, Try Not To Cry, Cry A Lot meme, reading “Lie down, Try not to think about it, Think about it a lot.” The tears have been edited out, and on the final panel, instead of being closed and weeping, the person’s eyes are now open and full of stress. End ID.]

The thing is, since endometriosis is mostly associated with that intermittent pain of dysmenorrhea and infertility, people as a whole don’t really consider endometriosis disabling? When the reality is that for me and people like me, the symptoms don’t Stop. They might let up for a little bit, and we might be able to manage the worst of it with medications and stuff, but it just Keeps Happening, and it affects our lives beyond struggling with getting pregnant and a week or so where we’re in pain. And this isn’t even getting into the fact that so much as an official diagnosis is often inaccessible - My insurance doesn’t cover ANY of the methods used to diagnose endometriosis or even just rule out other causes, let alone laparoscopic excision or ablation to try and get rid of it. Good luck having the disabling nature of your condition recognized when you can’t even get it on record “this is real and this is what it is.”

And, like. It’s already not taken seriously by people as a whole, and between being a trans guy with a condition often labeled as a “woman’s disease” (which I’ve admittedly more or less gotten used to despite my issues with it. I really wish people with and without endo would use more inclusive language when discussing it but I’ll live) and the fact that even within endo communities there’s often not much focus on the pain and digestive bullshittery and other non-fertility-related stuff that can go on outside of menstruation... Like, the general population doesn’t take endometriosis seriously enough to support me, and even people with endometriosis sometimes make me feel like I’m an outsider, too.

That’s not to say people shouldn’t discuss those things that endo is primarily known for, and I really want to make that clear - Hell, I started this blog with a meme about dysmenorrhea, because I’ve experienced it for years myself! People who are going through a lot of pain during menstruation and people who want to have kids biologically but are struggling to conceive absolutely deserve support and deserve to be able to discuss their experiences. But... even though I know they aren’t doing any of the stuff I complained about in that last paragraph intentionally or maliciously*, I wish I didn’t feel so much like I don’t belong when my issues fall outside of that range.

*Transphobes calling endo a “women’s disease” with the intent of devaluing trans and nb endo folks’ experiences and existence notwithstanding. Those people can bite my ass. Get off my blog, you’re not welcome here.

#complaining #not putting this in the tag because I don't want people to feel bad about posting about their issues #that's not the intent of this post or anything #people should be able to talk about the more well known issues and their struggles with them too #this is more me bitching because my mentally ill ass feels like because my experiences fall outside that range I can't talk about them #and how because of those issues being less known as well as the inaccessibility of so much as diagnosis #getting help or even recognition for endo being disabling is Fuck #anyway like i said. this is Personal Gripes #please don't take it as me complaining about you in particular or anything #(unless you're one of the people being mentioned in the * comment. yall can get the fuck off my blog. no transphobes allowed)

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lesbeet · 5 years ago

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not to be a nerd but i accidentally just wrote a whole impromptu essay about editing ndjsdksksk im throwing it under a cut bc it's fucking inane and really long but honestly... i just want other people to become as passionate about editing as i am lmaooooo

i also recommend 2 books in the post so if anything at least check those out!

quality books about editing... *chef's kiss* a lot of the basic ones (including blog posts online n such) are geared towards beginners and end up repeating the same info/advice, much of it either oversimplified or misrepresented tbh. but i read one yesterday and i'm reading another one right now that really convey this passion for editing + consideration for it as its own sort of art and i just!!

it's such a weird thing to be passionate about lmao but i AM and i've spent a lot of time the past year or so consciously honing my craft (ik i mention this like 4 times a week i'm just really proud of how much i've learned and improved) and kind of like. solidifying my instincts into conscious choices i guess?

and these GOOD editing books have both a) taught me new information and/or presented familiar information through a new perspective that helped me understand something differently or in more depth, and b) validated or even just put into words certain preferences or techniques that i've developed on my own, that i don't normally see on those more basic lists i mentioned

btw the book i finished yesterday is self-editing for fiction writers: how to edit yourself into print by renni brown and dave king, and the one i'm reading currently is the artful edit: on the practice of editing yourself by susan bell.

the former was pretty sharp and straightforward. the authors demonstrated some of their points directly in the text, which was usually funny enough that i would show certain quotes to my sister without context

("Just think about how much power a single obscenity can have if it’s the only one in the whole fucking book." <- (it was)

"Frequent italics have come to signal weak writing. So you should never resort to them unless they are the only practical choice, as with the kind of self-conscious internal dialogue shown above or an occasional emphasis."

or, my favorite: "There are a few stylistic devices that are so “tacky” they should be used very sparingly, if at all. First on the list is emphasis quotes, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. The only time you need to use them is to show you are referring to the word itself, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. Read it again; it all makes sense.")

and like i said, i also learned some new ideas or techniques (or they articulated vague ideas i already had but struggled to put into practice), AND they mentioned some suggestions that ive literally never seen anyone else bring up (not to say no one has! just that ive never seen it, and ive seen a lot in terms of writing tips, advice, best practices, etc) that ive already sort of established in my own writing

for example they went into pretty fine detail about dialogue mechanics, more than i usually see, and in talking about the pacing and proportion of "beats" and dialogue in a given scene, they explicitly suggested that, if a character speaks more than a sentence or two and you plan on giving them some sort of dialogue tag or an action to perform as a beat, the tag or action should be placed at one of the earliest (if not the first) natural pauses in the dialogue, so as not to distance the character too far from the dialogue -- bc otherwise the reader ends up getting all of the dialogue information first, and then has to go back and retroactively insert the character, or what they're doing, or the way they look/sound while they're giving their little speech

and like this was something ive figured out on my own, mostly bc it jarred me out of something i was reading enough times (probably in fic tbh) that i started noticing it, and realized that it's something i do naturally, kind of to anchor the character to the dialogue mechanic to make sure it makes sense with the actual dialogue

so like. ok here's an example i just randomly pulled from the song of achilles (it was available on scribd so i just looked for a spot that worked to illustrate my point djsmsks)

the actual quote is written effectively, but here's a less effective version first:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him. He’s done nothing to me," Achilles answered coolly.

see and even with such a short snippet it's so much smoother and more vivid just by moving the dialogue tag, not adding or cutting a word:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him.” Achilles answered coolly. “He’s done nothing to me.”

the rhythm of it is better, and the beat that the dialogue tag creates functions as a natural dramatic pause before achilles delivers an incredibly poignant line, both within the immediate context of the scene and because we as the readers can recognize it as foreshadowing. plus, it flows smoothly because that beat was inserted where the dialogue already contained a natural pause, just bc that's how people speak. if you read both versions aloud, they both make sense, but the second version (the original used in the novel) accounts for the rhythm of dialogue, the way people tend to process information as they read, AND the greater context of the story, and as a result packs significantly more purpose, information, and effect into the same exact set of words

and THAT, folks, is the kind of editing minutia i can literally sit and hyperfocus on for hours without noticing. anyway it's a good book lmao

the one i'm reading now is a lot more about the cognitive process/es of editing, so there's less concrete and specific advice (so far, anyway) and more discussion about different mental approaches to editing, as well as tips and tools for making a firm distinction between your writer brain and your editor brain, which is something i struggle with

but there have been so many good quotes that ive highlighted! a lot of just like. reminders and things to think about, and also just lovely articulations of things id thought of or come to understand in much more vague ways.

scribd won't let me copy/paste this one bc it's a document copy and not an actual ebook, but this passage is talking about how the simple act of showing a piece of writing to someone else for the very first time can spark a sudden shift in perspective on the work, bc you'll (or at least i) frantically try to re-read it through their eyes and end up noticing a bunch of new errors -

or she talked about the perils of constant re-reading in the middle of writing a draft, which is something i struggle with a LOT, both bc i'm a perfectionist and bc i prefer editing to writing so i sit and edit when i'm procrastinating doing the actual hard work of writing lmao

it's just this side of fake deep tbh but i so rarely see editing discussed like this--as a mixture of art and science, a collaboration between instinct and technique, that really requires "both sides of the brain" to be done well.

and because of the way my own brain works, activities that require such a balanced concentration of creativity and logic really appeal to me. even though ive seen a lot of people (even professional writers) who frame it as the creative art of writing vs the logical discipline of editing. but i think that's such a misleading way of thinking about it, because writing and editing both require creativity and logic -- just different kinds! (not to mention that the line between writing and editing, while mostly clear, can get a little blurry from up close)

but like...all stories have an inner logic to them, even if the writer hasn't explicitly or consciously planned it, and even if the logic is faulty in places in the first couple of drafts. when you're sitting and daydreaming about your story, especially if you're trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between two points or scenes (or, how to write a sequence of events that presents as a logical, inevitable progression of cause and effect), the voice in your head that evaluates an idea and decides to 1) go with it, 2) scrap it, 3) tweak it until it works, or 4) hold onto it in case you want it later? that's your logic! if an idea feels wrong, or like it just doesn't work, it's probably because some part of you is detecting a conflict between some part of the idea and the overall logic of your story. every decision you make as you write is formed by and checked against your own experiential logic, and also by the internal logic of your story, which is far less developed (or at least, one would hope), and therefore more prone to the occasional laspe

but while ive seen a number of articles that discuss the logic of writing, i don't see people gushing as much about the art of editing and it's such a shame

the inner editor is so often characterized as the responsible parent to the writer's carefree child, or a relentless critic of the writer's unselfconscious, unpolished drivel

and it's like... maybe you just hate thinking critically about your work! maybe you view it that way because you're imposing external standards too fiercely onto your writing, and it's sucked the joy out of shaping and sculpting your words until they sing. maybe you prefer to conceive of your writing as divine communication, the process of which must remain unencumbered by lessons learned through experience or the vulnerability of self-reflection, until the buzzkill inner editor shows up with all those "rules" and "conventions" that only matter if you're trying to get published

and like obviously the market doesn't dictate which conventions are worth following, but the majority of widely-agreed-upon writing standards, especially those aimed at beginners, (and most especially those regarding style, as opposed to story structure) have to do with the effectiveness and efficiency of prose, and, in addition to often serving as a shorthand for distinguishing an amateur from a pro, overall help to increase poignancy and clarity, which is crucial no matter the genre or type of writing. and even if you personally believe otherwise, it's better to understand the conventions so you can break them with real purpose.

so editing shouldn't be about trying to shove your pristine artistic masterpiece into a conventional mold, it should be about using the creative instincts of your ear and your logic and experience-based understanding of writing as a craft to hone your words until you've told your story as effectively as possible

thank u for coming to my ted talk ✌️

#long post //#editing #wref #sefa rambles

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gtseven7 · 5 years ago

Text

My Seven Idols

this is the picture mentioned in the story

Summary:

Got7 as highschoolers as they deal with graduation and college at the same time starting up their own Youtube channel as idols.

A/N:

So this is chapter 1. Really, I wasnt supposed to write this thing but it has been bugging me for months and I just cant shake it off okay? I tried resisting thinking, dude you're on your way to the juicy parts of Seven Princes. But whelp I lost a battle within myself and wrote this anyway. I hope you guys like it!

masterlist

//prev

The click-clacking of the keyboard echoed in the room as Y/N furiously typed the remaining subtitle of the video she had been editing the last few nights. Hitting the export button, the brunette could finally exhale and relax. The beach aesthetic video she had been working on was now in the process of being complete. She just has to wait till it loads to a hundred and her hard work will pay off. Smiling to herself, she minimized the editing software and opened up her InstaBook. She scrolled leisurely, seeing the pictures of her peers and some from her photographer idols. Y/N was examining an aesthetic cityscape picture from one of her favorite photo blogs, Def, when her notification alerted her of a great news. Ding! And the words that popped up from the right corner of her screen made her screech. As it was almost midnight, she had to restrain herself and not wake her parents. But she can’t help the giggle that escaped her mouth. She quickly clicked the pop up. It said: pjy_01 updated his profile picture. When the picture loaded, Y/N's jaw almost unhinged. Park Jinyoung a.k.a. Mr. Student Council President rarely posts a picture of himself. His feed was usually just books, food and random sceneries. He did have few self-taken pictures and Y/N was happy with it (some of them are really just bad quality but she’ll take it) but this one? This one’s just beautiful, amazing, gift from the heavens. He was sitting on a comfy white couch, staring directly at the camera with puppy eyes. His white button up was slightly unbuttoned(!!) as he wore an innocent face and a cute peace sign as a cherry on top. Y/N was just about to scream and jump around. But before that, she made sure to save the picture in her Jinyoung Stash folder. “Woah. What is this Jinyoung? You should always post things like this. I’ll be a happy woman.” She sighed dreamily, staring at her screen but missed the notification of her software that finished exporting her video.

Y/N was rudely interrupted when her phone suddenly rang. Not even looking at the caller id, she answered the call with an annoyed tone. “What?” No one would be phoning her at this time other than her best friend. “Yo chill out Y/N.” Youngjae laughed at the other end, knowing he most likely disturbed her from her hobby. Which isn’t entirely false, he just didn’t know that the hobby at the moment was staring at their president and not videography. ”It’s midnight Youngjae, what do you need?” She elicited another hearty laugh from the guy. Any other circumstance, she’ll laugh along since his laugh is contagious but this time was not it. “Well?”

“Geez, aren’t you such a joy tonight. I’m just gonna ask if you already finished the essay homework due tomorrow.”

Blank silence. It was then that Y/N laughed at the ridiculing situation. Homework? Was there ever one? And she voiced it out, still half cheerful and half threatening. Youngjae might be pranking her once again. “The essay homework Mr. Kwon asked us to do. The one about Romeo and Juliet. Don’t tell me you don’t remember?” Youngjae chuckled a little too, thinking that his friend was making fun of him. When the only sound he heard was the bark of his cute dog Coco beside him, Youngjae started to sweat. “You haven’t done a single thing didn’t you?!”

“I think I’m gonna puke. Youngjae-ahh~ What do I do?!”

Y/N's eyes bugged out, realizing that yes, there is indeed an essay due tomorrow. And it is for Mr. Kwon’s subject, her most feared teacher. Oh how that teacher terrifies her whole being. How could she be so stupid?! “Youngjae!!! What do I do? What do I do?!” Panic was starting to rise from her gut, her heart beating too fast that even midnight coffee can’t do. Add the obvious panic in her bestfriend’s voice on the other end, it made things worse for her. “I don’t know! Uh… I can lend you mine? Just modify some parts. Paraphrase things…”

“Oh my God Youngjae I love you. You’re the best!!”

“You owe me one Y/N.”

“I do, I do. Thanks so much.”

They bid goodnight to each other, Youngjae promising to pick her up from her house so she won’t be late; she once again praised his goodness before hanging up. And as promised, he sent her his homework, Jinyoung’s picture on her screen forgotten. Y/N once again typed relentlessly through the night.

“I bet Jinyoung never had a problem like this. Y/N you must do better!”

That motivation fueled her to write the essay about Romeo and Juliet even if she didn’t understand what it was about aside from it being a romance story. Little did the sophomore videographer know, her high pedestaled president sat on his chair under the dim light of his study desk at the same time as her. He was hunched in concentration on the essay he stalled on doing days before it was to be submitted.

No words flowed, his pen stuck mid-air. “Argh. What the heck is this shit about anyway?” Jinyoung huffed as he crumpled his nth paper and tossed it in the bin beside him. His brain was not cooperating with him that night and it’s just frustrating. Why does he have to explain why the economy of their country is not thriving as it used to? It’s just plain bullshit to be honest. He had mountains of council work the past few days and he wasn’t able to attend few classes including the class he was supposed to write this essay for. This is why he hates skipping, when things like this essay arrive, he doesn’t know what to do. He didn’t have time to read up everything that’s why he just went straight to bluffing his way out of the conclusion of the paper. The distracting noise of the instrument app on Jaebeom’s phone didn’t help him much either. “You have your own room, your own bed. Why are you always here?” His housemate just shrugged and continued his melody making. It was sounding good to be honest, not that his friend ever made a bad song but the other’s process was just making the writing too difficult for him. “How can I even finish when you distract me like this?”

“One, Jinyoung, it was your fault for not doing it earlier. Two, you are not distracted by my music. You just don’t want to do that stupid paper.”

And it hit him too well. He’s right. Most times, Jaebeom’s music calms him but this time his brain just straight up refuses to do a thing. His long haired companion exited the app after saving his work. Jaebeom laid down on Jinyoung’s bed. He patted the space beside him, encouraging the other to lie down with him and sleep. “Don’t push yourself too hard. Get some sleep first, you’ve had a harsh week.”

“Get out of my bed.”

“Hmm…”

And with that, Jaebeom closed his eyes to sleep. He’s not a fast sleeper per se, he’s just waiting for Jinyoung to join him but he didn’t. He opened his eyes just a slit saw the student body president scribbling again with a determined face.

Few hours after, it was almost three in the morning. Jinyoung has to get up at six to prepare for their eight o’clock class. He doesn’t like not sleeping properly but for the sake of that damned paper, he had to sacrifice. He sighed once again and turned off the lamp. Looking to his right, he saw his friend sleeping peacefully, facing him from the farther half of the bed. Jinyoung shook his head in exasperation. He sat on the unoccupied side and stared at his friend of ten years. His face lax and serene. The nose ring glints under the soft glow of the stars from the window. Jinyoung’s hand inched towards the other’s face, stopping midway. He clenched his fist and brought it back to himself. ‘Ah, I really wanna remove that nose ring so badly.’

Morning came and the sunlight was harsh on Y/N’s face. She finished her essay in time, luckily. She trudged along the hallways of their small house, the only thing that woke her up completely was the smell of fresh bacon being cooked. She quickly ate her breakfast, showered and said goodbye to her parents with a tired smile. The sound of the bell announced the arrival of Youngjae by their door. She opened it and her friend almost screamed bloody murder. “I thought a zombie came out to eat me.”

“Shut up.”

Youngjae laughed and slung an arm on her shoulders. He ruffled her already messy hair further. “Did you finish the write up?” She gave a gloomy thumb’s up while yawning, earning a giggle from the boy. “Ah seriously, you should take care of your studies more Y/N.”

“Says you. You were up all night long playing. I can see it on the bags under your eyes.”

“At least I finished my work before doing so, unlike someone I know…”

Y/N clicked her tongue in disapproval but she knows he’s right though. “I got carried away with the good shots I had when me and Yeji went to the beach last week. Aah, I made such a good video last night.” Youngjae smiled at her friend as he watched her walk half asleep.

Y/N and Youngjae were friends since they were toddlers. With their mothers practically sisters because of their closeness, and their houses are just one backyard away from each other, the two developed a close friendship. Oftentimes they’d be hanging out in their places, playing video games or reading comics. Although when they started to grow up more, they drifted away slightly, having different circles of friends. That didn’t bother the two of them though. They thought that it’s better to have their friendship outside school so that they won’t get sick seeing each other’s faces all the time. With this, they rarely go to school together anymore. Their classmates are in the dark about their closeness as well.

Youngjae pulled out his phone and scrolled his pictures. He suddenly got excited about showing his bestfriend about his dog’s new outfit he bought recently. “Y/N, Y/N, look at Coco. I bought a new shirt. It’s so cute.” He practically shoved the phone on her eyes but it didn’t matter much to her as she was as excited as him. They practically raised that cute dog together. “Omo! Coco’s so adorable!” They were both bouncing on their steps as they look at the dog’s pictures posing differently with each new clothing. The two of them were cooing. “Ah, Coco is such a joy.”

"Y/N!”

They both stopped on their tracks when they heard a familiar voice. It was Yeji, Y/Ns other bestfriend outside Youngjae (he’s still the bestest but Yeji doesn’t know that). She happily waved at her two classmates, a teasing smile forming on her face already. ‘Youngjae and Y/N walking together eh? How interesting!’

Yeji’s appearance was their cue to head apart so Y/N smiled at Youngjae and said goodbye. “See ya later in class!” He just hummed in agreement, seeing as his peers are also in sight. He waved at Yeji and parted with Y/N He walked towards his other friends and greeted them.

"So Youngjae huh?”

“What about him?”

“Nothing…” Which wasn’t true because now she is sporting a silly smile on her face. Probably imagining things outside of this world and conjuring up different ways how her friend and Youngjae fall in love. Yeji is a fangirl at heart and she just ships everybody. She never imposes it to everyone though, she’s just happy to think about it and keep it to herself. Amazingly enough though, the people she secretly shipped usually ends up together at some point. But Y/N knows her too well and she knows the outlandish things going in her mind right now. “We just happened to meet along the way Yeji.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

The school entrance as it always is, was full of commotion. More so today than usual. Y/N saw a hoard of students lining up the gate with annoyed expressions. ‘Ah, it’s probably President Jinyoung.’ She giggled to herself, happy to see him early in the morning. She’s still a little bit over the moon with his latest picture. “Do I look okay?”, that question snapped Y/N out of her daydream (the picture still lingering at the back of her mind). Yeji took out a small mirror and checked herself out. She combed her hair with her fingers, checked her uniform, straightened everything that doesn’t look ironed out. “You know he just nags at those who violate badly. We’ll never get reprimanded.” Yeji breathed deeply as she puts her mirror back to her bag. “I’m just making sure you know. I don’t want those cold eyes stare at me. It’s scary.” Y/N wanted to protest, ‘Jinyoung’s not scary! It’s a part of his charm!’ but a whine stopped her from doing so. While they were talking, they have pushed inside the crowd to get in and not be late for class. They reached the front where Jinyoung was standing sternly, his mouth thinned in disapproval. “Bhuwakul. How many times do I have to confiscate that earrings of yours?!”

“Why are you so keen on getting these anyway? Would I do better in my tests if I don’t wear them?” The boy, with his id lace yellow (which means he’s a *freshie), was so close to stomping his feet. But Jinyoung was not fazed and just stared at the boy with a piercing stare. “If you wear them, would you do better? No right? So hand them to me. You violated the school dress code. Come get it at my office after school.”

The people around them were murmuring, Y/N even caught what the others are saying. They think that Jinyoung was being unreasonable and harsh for no reason. ‘Which isn’t true! He just cares about what the students of this school looks like.' The sophomore turned to glare at the onlookers that defamed their president. ‘Ungrateful fools.’ But she was startled when the tall boy (oh my he’s tall) beside the one named Bhuwakul spoke innocently. “Let him be, he probably just wants to wear your earrings.” Even Yuna, the student council secretary, was shocked at the carefree manner of his dialogue. The president just raised his right eyebrow, “Kim Yugyeom, button up your uniform and tie your necktie properly.” and reprimanded the other freshie without hesitation. Yugyeom grimaced a bit but did what he was told. ‘You should be the one buttoning your clothes last night President huhu’

Despite the commotion at the front gate (which happens almost everyday as Jinyoung loves to greet the student body with “Rule # 5 under the clause of the dress code law….), Y/N and the students of their campus managed to get to their class safely. When they entered their homeroom, Y/N and Yeji was greeted by Ga Young, another friend of theirs. It seemed that she had only arrived a few minutes before them. “Yo! Entrance was pretty hectic today.”

Yeji made a face and flipped her brow wavy hair away from her face as if she was hassled on their way over. “Ugh, don’t tell us. We had to push our way out earlier.” They both giggled and chattered mindlessly about the events that morning.

“Don’t you think the foreigner freshie earlier was kind of cute?” Ga Young said dreamily, looking at the ceiling as if he could see his face there. “Oh, that one with the earrings?”

“Yep. We’re blessed with another foreigner beauty.” That’s true, the videographer thought. He’d look good on camera.

“Yeon Seo isn’t a foreigner.” Y/N countered, debating that her friend’s crush wasn’t exactly from another country. He grew up in their city just like everyone else is.

“He’s a half-half though.”

“The tall freshie had a face too.”

Yeji and Ga Young started to talk about the new eye candy they found. Those two are fans of idols, especially the amateur ones they have in their school. Y/N absentmindedly listened to the two’s gossip. Sometimes she thinks she’s in a webtoon or something. These kinds of things exist on books and comics even dramas that she consumes. Y/N still can’t believe such things are in her reality. Aren’t groups of popular boys with a cheesy group name only in fiction? She wondered if it’s possible that this is not a real world.

“But you know, I heard rumors that Bhuwakul's gay.”

That piqued Y/N's interest. Not that there’s any problem with being gay, the rumor just caught her interest. Not many people are brave enough to admit their sexuality in their community so it was pretty interesting.

“Eh? Who told you?”

“My freshie cousin told me. He said that he’s close with girls and gives fashion advice. He’s on the softer side as well.”

Huh… Y/N thought it was a baseless rumor after all. “That doesn’t mean he’s gay though.”

“That’s true.”

When the talk about the foreign freshie Bhuwakul ended, the other two started to talk about their favorite topic once again. The Five Roses. Y/N was just done with that subject and had heard enough to last her a lifetime. She couldn’t even understand why the girls in their school seemed to be under their spell. In Y/N’s opinion, they aren’t that good looking. Heck, even Mr. Cold Eyes Jinyoung was much more handsome. ‘Especially if they saw last night’s picture. How come they don’t talk about it?!’

“Ji Woo looked handsome today too!”

‘Oh come on, even Youngjae looks better than that guy.’ At the thought of her bestfriend, she turned to glance at him. He seemed to have caught her and gave him those warm sunny smiles that made her heart beat a bit faster. Even if she doesn’t consider her childhood friend as a man, she’s sure that he’s a good looking guy.

//next

#got7 #got7 fanfic #got7 scenarios #got7 imagines #jackson wang #park jinyoung #kim yugyeom #mark tuan #bambam #choi youngjae #im jaeboem #got7 fic #my seven idols

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