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blkmxrvel · 6 years ago

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Haven’t Forgotten My Way Home [6] - (CONVERTED)

Pairing: Kara Zor-El x Female!Reader

Summary: In the D/s society of National City, men and women abandoned by their Dom/mes or otherwise deemed unfit for life “outside” end up at the Mount Overland House for Orphaned Submissives. It is here that Kara Zor-El finds Y/N Hastings, broken and fearful from mistreatment at the hands of her former Dom. Can Kara coax Y/N back into the world that once so terrified her, and show her the true meaning of care and submission?

Warnings: Domestic Violence (Flashbacks, Mentions and Descriptions), Misogyny, Domination/Submission.

A/N: This is really one of my favorite stories. I’ve it so many different times in so many different fandoms and wanted to put it in another one! In this, Kara and Alex are not sisters, Kara isn’t an alien which means she isn’t supergirl. Just wanna give another note that this story is NOT mine. I did not come with the plot, I just switched out the names of characters and places, that is all. Credit goes to itsfaberrytaboo on Ao3!

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Kara Zor-El’s house stood directly in the middle of Carnegie Street, a fitting place for it, she thought. It wasn’t that it was particularly big; just a two-story house with pale green siding, framed by trees on either side. It certainly wasn’t glamorous; though the inside held a music room slash library with more books and Broadway records than were probably healthy, she really didn’t have anything fancy. Her government job paid well enough for her to be comfortable, and that was good for her.

But as she pulled into the driveway and cast yet another semi-worried glance at her passenger, Kara was glad she lived in the center of her street. It was metaphorical, almost; symbolic of how she wanted her home to be the center of her existence, because home meant love. Safety. Security. Home meant a relationship.

… Whenever she got one, that is.

She’d been ready for a while, Kara mused to herself as she put the car in park in front of the garage. Her bed, for one thing, was huge, king-sized. Too much of the time she felt small, terribly lonely, sleeping in it herself, but she knew one day she’d be curled up in the middle with her arms tucked around someone who needed her. Of course, the two metal rings at the top of the headboard gave her other thoughts. So did the things tucked away in the bottom drawer, or hung in the closet. She’d gotten couple of them for her sixteenth birthday – which would’ve been embarrassing if it hadn’t been the way their society worked. In fact, a person’s sixteenth birthday was about more than just celebrating. It was a week-long rite of passage, in which Kara had been submissive to a Dominant friend of her fathers. It was designed with the idea that to be an effective, caring Dominant, you must first learn what it is like to be submissive. There were strict rules in place to guarantee her safety, but Kara had been a sub for all intents and purposes, and had been punished for a misstep. She’d hated that part, of course, but it was necessary. She was Dominant, but she needed to know how “the other side lived,” so that she would never, ever abuse the gift she could eventually be given.

And now, looking across at Y/N sat in her passenger seat, with her hands folded tightly around the papers in her lap – instructions to bring her back to the Home three times that week for her physical and emotional therapy – Kara felt the tears rush to her eyes, remembering. It’d been painful enough, that ten minutes of punishment when she was a teenager. She could imagine what it had been like for Y/N, every day…She pushed that thought aside and reached out to lay her hand on top of Y/N’s. She was trembling. Kara squeezed gently. “Ready?” she queried softly.

She didn’t know why she was so nervous. She knew why Y/N would be, of course, but Kara kept telling herself that it was a visit. It was just a visit, and she needn’t worry about anything. But that wasn’t entirely true. It had taken another week for the Council to get the paperwork completed for Y/N’s visit; a week of Kara spending every available moment at the House watching and spending time with Y/N. Physical therapy had become a little easier; Brainy was nice and though Y/N was still tense and scared around him, Kara was always there. In the back of her mind was always the fact that she’d called Y/N “my good girl,” but Y/N hadn’t mentioned it and Kara wasn’t in any hurry to.

Y/N wasn’t hers. Kara had no claim to her, wasn’t thinking of making a claim on her. Though she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t had at least one dream, in which she came home to find Y/N naked and kneeling at the door, waiting for her. But Y/N wasn’t hers, so there should be no reason for Kara to be so worried about their visit. But she was.

What if Y/N didn’t like it? What if she didn’t like Theo, even if Theo loved her because he was a baby and loved everyone? Kara knew Y/N was becoming more confident in her interactions with her, and they’d dropped the “Green, yellow, red?” questions for more mundane things, but what if Y/N didn’t like something and refused to tell her? What if Kara somehow overstepped her bounds and tried to dominate Y/N without a claim? She’d never do that, Kara knew, but still, her house, her rules…

“Ready,” Y/N said next to her, and Kara’s gaze snapped back to the girl. She was staring up at the house, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. Kara quickly recalled one of the lessons she’d learned during that day on her knees years ago. She’d been scared, to the point of almost being sick, and the Dominant had sat in a chair with Kara gagged and bound at her feet, talking softly to her and stroking her hair. Just by her gentleness, when Kara had been expecting much less, Miss had made her point quite clear.

If you’re not strong when she needs you to be, she’ll never feel safe.

She squeezed Y/N’s hand again. “Good,” she said, her voice steady as she pushed open the car door with her other hand. In seconds she was at Y/N’s side. “Chair, or do you think you’d like to walk?” Y/N’s therapy had made her legs stronger, and though she was still weak on her feet she was making enough progress that Brainy had confessed to Kara that he’d never seen anything like it.

Kara had beamed with pride, and her smile only grew larger when Y/N had flushed pink and ducked her head, her eyes lowering.

“I think I can do it.”

“Walk it is, then,” Kara said, taking the papers from Y/N and tucking them into her pocket. Reaching out she took Y/N’s hands in hers. “Legs out of the car, easy now.” Y/N shifted, concentration on her face until both feet were on the ground. Kara smiled. “You’re getting so good at this,” she said. “Soon you’ll be better than me!”

Y/N shook her head, her voice low as she said, “I could never be better than you, Miss Kara.”

Kara wasn’t sure how to take that. To someone who didn’t know Y/N, it could be taken as devotion, as a compliment, as Y/N saying that she appreciated all that Kara had done for her and maybe all that she would do, during their week together at Kara’s house.

But it was what would come after that week that had Kara second-guessing what Y/N said. She knew that when their week was up, Y/N would go back to Overland House to continue her rehabilitation. And though the psychiatrist wouldn’t tell Kara what was divulged in their confidential sessions, Kara didn’t need the psychiatrist to know Y/N’s opinion of herself. It was in the way she carried herself, the way she moved, cautious while always glancing at the person with her – whether Nia or Brainy or Kara. She’d had her ability to walk taken away from her, and yet from the time she was sixteen years old, Y/N had never viewed herself as on equal footing – with anyone. No matter who came into contact with her, Kara knew Y/N would view them as better than she was.

She tugged gently, carefully, until Y/N was standing next to her, and Kara slipped her arm around Y/N’s waist. “There we go,” she said. “Good girl. Let’s go meet Theo, shall we?”

Damn, she thought as she and Y/N approached the front door of her home, she’d forgotten the steps. Three little steps that were so insignificant to Kara, as she took them every day without thinking. But she saw the concern in Y/N’s eyes, and suddenly the steps loomed like mountains as the two women stood at the base.

Kara took a deep breath, and her arm tightened around Y/N’s waist. “One at a time,” she said firmly. “You can do this.”

“I-I don’t know if-“

“I do.” Kara turned her head and met Y/N’s eyes. “Three steps. Just three steps, and I’m right here. I’ll help you, and you’re going to do this. And-“ she said, seeing Y/N opening her mouth again as if to protest, “I won’t let you fall.”

Y/N hesitated, staring at Kara, and then nodded. With Kara stood next to her, her arm firm around the girl, she lifted her foot awkwardly, and in seconds was on the first step.

Kara stepped up beside her, the grin nearly splitting her mouth. “Only two more to go,” she said. “I’m so proud of you.”

It seemed to Kara that with those words Y/N grew a little bit taller, a little bit stronger, and it was no time at all before they were on the porch, the front door was opening – and Y/N was rocked backwards by a mass of fuzzy, wiggling, barking madness.

“Theo!” Kara said in exasperation as she struggled to both hold him off and hold Y/N up. “Get back, get back, you crazy animal. Theo, back!”

But then there was a sound, something that made Kara’s hand fall away from Theo and her mouth drop open in shock. She watched as Theo stood on his hind legs, his tongue happily licking away at Y/N’s face, and her ears were full of the sound.

Y/N’s laughter.

It rumbled out of her, low and uncertain at first, but Theo was a force to be reckoned with and soon Y/N’s laughter was all high-pitched and breathless little girl squeals as she both tried to get away from him and met his affections eagerly. Kara wanted to stay in that spot forever, just watching as Y/N’s hazel eyes lost that… lostness, and took on a sparkle, a happiness that for a split second made Kara jealous of a dog. But Y/N’s footing wavered, and Kara seized Theo’s collar with a firm hand.

“All right, all right,” she said, pulling him off Y/N and setting him at her knee with a pat to his head, “Good grief, Theo, you’d think we’d been gone for days – and you’ve never even met Y/N!” She smiled at Y/N. “I told you he’d love you.”

“I love him already,” Y/N said, still smiling, and Kara felt a particular ache in her stomach that she hadn’t before. It was an ache that told her she’d be willing to do anything if that smile would stay on her face.

And that… that probably wasn’t a good thing to be feeling about someone that wasn’t yours.

“Come on, you two,” she said. She released Theo and he quickly bounded into the house, stopping to glance back to see if they were following. She squeezed Y/N’s waist tighter.

“Let’s go inside.”

The front door led into Kara’s living room, a spacious area in a calm blue, with a soft couch, two comfortable armchairs, a television and stereo in the center of the floor. Dotting the walls were two Broadway posters, pictures of Kara with her parents, pictures of Alex and Maggie, and probably far too many of Theo. Y/N’s eyes were darting this way and that, taking it all, trying to see into the kitchen on the right side. Kara smiled a little.

“You’ve done a good job walking,” she said. “And now it’s time for you to rest.” She led Y/N over to the couch. “Sit down.”

Y/N stared, but made no move. Kara tilted her head. “Y/N?”

“S-sit?”

“Yes?” Kara said, confused. “Sit down.”

“On the couch?”

“Well where else would you sit?”

She realized that was the wrong question the minute she felt Y/N tense, and the girl’s head dropped, her gaze landing on the floor. Instantly Kara understood.

“You’re used to being on the floor.”

“Not sitting.”

“Kneeling.”

She nodded.

“For how long?”

Y/N didn’t answer. Kara sighed and, as carefully as she could, gently pushed and lowered Y/N onto the couch.

“In my house,” she said, as quietly and carefully as possible, “My guests, who are not claimed, sit. On the sofa, at the kitchen table, on the bed. Especially guests who don’t need to be kneeling for long periods of ti-“

“Sixteen hours.”

Kara stopped. “What?”

Y/N wasn’t looking at her. Kara had begun to recognize that expression that told her Y/N had gone off somewhere in her mind, the cloudiness in her eyes that let her know Y/N was reliving something. Kara waited quietly for her to come back.

“I’d upset Si- him. He’d been watching TV, and I asked for permission to use the bathroom. When I came back he made me kneel and told me not to move. He went to bed. Next morning he got up, and left for work. Sir didn’t- He didn’t even look at me. And when he came back he-he seemed surprised to see me. He’d… forgotten I was there.”

Kara’s hands tightened into fists at her side, but she took a deep breath and flexed them. Leaning down slightly, she placed her hand on Y/N’s shoulder. Y/N’s eyes cleared, and she blinked at Kara. “Sit here,” Kara said. “I’m going to fix us some lunch.”

She knew Y/N hated being alone, but Kara had to get away from her, if only for a minute, because she knew the anger she was feeling right now at Y/N’s previous owner would only serve to scare her, and that’s the last thing Kara wanted to do.

“O-okay, Miss Kara,” Y/N stuttered a little. “Okay.”

She looked so different out of the House, Kara thought as she began to pull out pots and plates, ingredients to make lunch. Most of it was probably because the House-issued sweats were gone, and the simple yellow dress and cardigan Y/N wore made it look as if she was almost glowing. It was the only clothes Y/N had, and even those had been borrowed from another resident. She looked healthier, anyway, not as thin, and with a flush to her cheeks that Kara… really liked.

Maybe she’d take Y/N shopping tomorrow.

Kara peeked from the doorway of the kitchen and saw Y/N sitting stiffly on the couch, hands held tightly in her lap once again. Would she ever relax? She wondered.

“Y/N?” Kara called, and the girl’s head shot up and turned in her direction. Kara smiled encouragingly. “You can see me, right?”

“I… yes, Miss Kara.”

“Good. I’m right here.” She hesitated, and then added, “I’ll always be here.”

She could see Y/N watching her from the living room; she nodded. “Thank you, Miss Kara.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but Kara could see her body already relaxing. She smiled to herself, and quickly began to get lunch together.

A half an hour later, she snatched up two plates of pasta and two glasses of water balanced on a tray and began to make her way to the living room. She stopped short in the doorway, and her eyes widened. There, curled up on the end of the couch asleep, was Y/N. Theo was draped across her lap, also asleep, and her hand was resting, relaxed and comfortable, on his head. Kara really wished she had a camera, but she supposed Y/N wouldn’t take well to that.

Crossing the floor, Kara set the tray down on the coffee table and nudged Theo with her hand. “C’mon, big boy, your new friend needs to eat lunch.”

Immediately Y/N sat up with a gasp; Theo jumped off and padded over to flop down on his mat that Kara always kept in the living room. Y/N’s face was frantic, and that old sinking feeling came back to Kara’s gut.

“I-I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, I-I’ve just been tired and w-walking and but that’s not an excuse, Miss Kara, I’m so sor-“

“Y/N!” Kara interrupted, sitting down next to the girl. She dared to reach out and put her hand firmly on Y/N’s knee; Y/N flinched and jerked away, drawing herself as far into the arm of the couch as she could. Kara swore under her breath and quickly held up her hands, palms out towards Y/N.

“It’s all right,” she said, as softly as she could. “I’m not mad, it’s all right. I’m not going to hurt you. I brought your lunch, are you hungry?” Y/N stared at her with wide eyes, and then nodded. Kara reached down to grab one of the plates, then held it up and out towards Y/N.

“I hope you like pasta. I’m not angry at you, Y/N, I want you to rest. But I want you to eat as well. All right?”

Once again there was hesitation before Y/N took the plate. “Thank you, Miss Kara. I’m sorry.”

“Y/N,” Kara shook her head and tried to choose her words carefully. “I’m not your Dominant. You don’t have to apologize to me for falling asleep, for talking; you don’t have to apologize for anything. I’m not going to punish you. I don’t have the right to, because I’m not your Dominant.”

Her position with the government, as well as her training as Dominant, meant that the rights of submissives had been drilled into Kara’s brain from the time she was a teenager. Legally, both parties in a relationship – the Dominant and the submissive – had the same rights: the right to food; the right to shelter; the right to health; the right to not be abused, among other things. But morally and in terms of society, Kara knew, the submissive was often given rights that were much, much less. Cases against Dominants were rarely prosecuted, and if they were, punishments weren’t very stiff, or in some cases, weren’t given at all. Many cases had been dismissed outright. In recent years, though, National City had been struggling to change that. If a submissive brought a case against his or her Dominant they could be assured that the charges would be investigated thoroughly.

Maybe she’d have to bring that up to Y/N, at some point…

“What if I want you to be?”

Kara nearly choked on her dinner. She quickly took a swallow of water and stared at Y/N, who was picking at the food on her plate. “W-what?” she croaked.

Y/N wouldn’t look at her. “What if I want you to be my Dominant?” she asked. “I mean, that’s why you brought me here, isn’t it? To test me, see if I’m worthy?”

“Of course not!” Kara replied hotly, setting her plate down. She took a deep breath to calm down.

Where had Y/N gotten that idea? She wondered. She did guess that it was her fault; after all, she wasn’t a counselor or rehabilitator. She was just a government stooge, who had taken a more than passing interesting in a submissive recovering from a bad relationship. Kara felt sick, realizing how it must look. Y/N clearly thought Kara was going to take advantage of her. Alex had warned her about this, and she just hadn’t listened. She’d hear it from her later on in the week, when her and Maggie came over, she just knew it.

“Maybe I should just take you back,” Kara mused, half to herself. She looked at Y/N then away again, not able to bear the horrified look on the girl’s face.

“I don’t want to be your Dominant, Y/N. I can’t be. You’re at the house for a reason. Someone hurt you. Brutalized you. Broke you. And I might be a Dominant but the last thing I’m going to do is try to dominate someone who has been so utterly destroyed. Not before she’s built back up.”

“But you could build me back up-“

“By being your friend,” Kara said, smiling a little sadly. She reached out and brought her hand onto Y/N’s knee; this time, the other woman didn’t flinch away. Kara looked into her eyes. “I brought you here because I thought you might like a change from the House. I brought you here to take care of you… as a friend. That’s all, Y/N. Nothing more. I will not dominate you, I will not try to own you, and I will not try to claim you. I promise. You don’t need to be afraid of me.”

There was silence for the longest time, and then Y/N nodded and resumed eating her dinner. “I understand,” she said softly. “I know no one will want me like I am. It’s all right, Miss Kara.”

For the first time in her life, Kara Zor-El wanted to hit something. More accurately, she wanted to hit him. She wanted to find him, hit him, and make him pay for what he’d done to the meek, trembling, self-hating young girl that sat on the couch with her, eyes never leaving her plate while she took the smallest bites of her food. No doubt he’d said stuff about her weight, too, as Y/N put it back on the table, half-finished. Part of Kara wanted to scream that of course someone would want Y/N as she was, because she was beautiful. But there was the other part of Kara that didn’t want anyone else but her to want Y/N.

And that was not something she felt. Because she didn’t.

The rest of the day passed by in awkward near-silence. Kara tried to make small talk, but her guest only answered her with one or two words, or didn’t say anything at all. Y/N seemed ill at ease, nervous, but when Kara again mentioned that she’d maybe be happier back at Overland House, she turned almost hysterical, begging not to have to go back. So they ended up sat on the couch all night, watching Kara’s favorite trashy television shows (She had a particular affinity for Real Bratty Subs of Metropolis), and Kara made dinner again. Pizza this time, and she was surprised when Y/N let out a little moan at the first taste. Kara quirked an eyebrow and Y/N grinned a little, blushing and ducking her head.

It was so cute when she did that.

Kara felt herself getting tired when the clock approached midnight, and a glance to her left showed that Y/N was already halfway there again. Theo for his part was snuggled up at Y/N’s feet, snoring loudly. Kara smiled, and reached out to gently shake Y/N’s shoulder.

“Y/N,” she whispered. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

Y/N whined and batted away Kara’s hand.

She laughed quietly to herself, and then tried again. “Bedtime now,” she said, a bit more firmly. “Come on, little one, let’s go.”

She felt every muscle in her body tense. It had slipped out so easily, so naturally… and then Y/N’s eyes opened. Kara prayed she hadn’t heard. She nodded sleepily.

“Bedtime.”

Y/N changed in the bathroom into the pajamas she had borrowed – they really needed to go shopping, Kara decided – and then stood holding onto the door, looking at Kara. She smiled and led Y/N to the room across from hers, the one reserved for guests.

Done in a light shade of purple, she’d made considerable effort to fix it up even nicer for Y/N’s impending visit. There were books on the nightstand, even if they were about musicals. She had no idea what Y/N liked to read; she’d need to find that out. She’d also put on the nightstand a pitcher of ice water, as well as a glass. Water had always helped her if she was feeling unsettled or sad, so she wondered if it would do the same for Y/N. The light was on in the guest bathroom, though she kept the door shut, in case Y/N didn’t like the dark. The bed was done up with the comfiest sheets and blankets (new and washed) that Kara could buy, and even a teddy bear rested against one of the three pillows against the headboard. Kara caught Y/N smiling widely at it, and inwardly she cheered. She’d gotten something right, for once.

“I’ll just be across the hall,” Kara said, as she helped Y/N into bed and tucked the covers around her. “If you need me, just call for me, and I’ll be here before you can even call again, all right?”

Y/N nodded. “Thank you, Miss Kara. Good night,” was all she said.

Kara pursed her lips, and nodded in return. “Good night, Y/N.”

Kara lay in bed for what seemed like hours, thinking about things. She couldn’t believe what she had called Y/N, especially after she’d made a point of telling her that no, she wasn’t intending to be her Dominant, and that she in fact didn’t want to. She wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize Y/N’s recovery. She wanted the woman to be whole again, whether it was with someone or not. That’s all anyone should ever want, Kara kept telling herself.

But again she was trying to fight off the images that kept dancing her head, pictures of Y/N kneeling for her. Serving her. Kissing her, coming for her. Coaxing sighs and moans from her, feeling Y/N’s skin tremble and stretch under her striking hand.

No. No, she couldn’t think of that. She’d think of Broadway. Broadway and Barbra, all of her favorite shows. Cats. Les Miserables. Wicked. Y/N would make a good Glin- no!

Frustrated with herself, Kara threw the covers off and got out of bed. Maybe watching some television would distract her well enough. Y/N’s door was open; Kara glanced inside and stopped short. She’d been worried Y/N wouldn’t be able to rest well, being in a strange place, but it wasn’t Y/N sleeping that suddenly had Kara slowly, quietly walking into the room.

Because Y/N was fast asleep… curled up at the foot of the bed, against the bare mattress, her arm wrapped around the teddy bear. The pillows were still at the headboard, and the blankets had been pushed off into a pile on the floor. Had she been forced to sleep like this? Kara asked herself. At the foot of his bed, like a dog, with her hair splayed out in Y/H/C tendrils on the sheets. Did he say that she was lucky he let her sleep with him, instead of on the floor?

Or maybe he made her sleep on the floor…

The thought was too much for Kara. She sprang into action, as quietly as she could retrieving the blankets from where they lay. She draped one over Y/N, and then grabbed one of the pillows. Willing Y/N to stay asleep, to not wake up and discover her, Kara gently, carefully, easily lifted her head just enough to tuck one of the pillows under. Y/N murmured as her head touched the cotton and Kara stilled, her hands in midair, until soft sighs told her the girl was still dreaming.

She should go back to her own bed, she thought. She should… but she didn’t. Instead, Kara maneuvered herself onto the guest bed, seizing up another pillow and moving so that she was lying with her head at the footboard, close to Y/N’s. She pulled the thin blanket around herself; that would keep her warm enough for tonight, and her concern was only for Y/N’s comfort, anyway.

Kara breathed out slowly and closed her eyes, listening to the sound of Y/N’s own breathing. Almost of its own volition, Kara’s right hand snuck out from under the blanket and crept forward until it covered over Y/N’s.

She’d keep her safe. If she was her Dominant, she could make sure she was always safe…

But she couldn’t be. Y/N wasn’t ready. And neither was she. She didn’t know if she’d ever be ready. That was the last thought Kara had as she drifted off to sleep.

Hours later the sun began to creep over the Lima horizon, its rays shining into the window of the guest bedroom and causing Y/N to open her eyes sleepily. For a moment she panicked; the bed and room she was in was unfamiliar. But her hand was curiously warm, and as she looked, she realized that she was in Kara’s house, and Kara had come into her room. Y/N distinctly remembered falling asleep at the foot of the bed. It was what she was used to. Well, no, she was used to sleeping on the floor, but she knew Kara wouldn’t want her anywhere but the bed. So she’d compromised by sleeping at the foot, without anything comforting – except the teddy bear. She was still there, but now she was warm and comfortable, with Kara’s hand on hers.

Carefully, Y/N turned her hand over, and locked her fingers with Kara’s. She watched Kara’s face, watched a dreamy smile spread, but she didn’t awaken.

It was still early, judging by the clock on the wall. She didn’t have to get up to make breakfast or “service” her Sir. She didn’t have to kneel at his feet and accept his slaps on her face, or lean against the wall and take the lash until she cried.

All she had to do, she realized, was sleep. Sleep, with Kara’s hand in hers.

“Little one is glad you’re here,” Y/N whispered, and closed her eyes.

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