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trashfanficdump · 3 years ago

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Jacking, Chapter 2

"You've gotta be kidding me," Tags stared at the captain, then he started glancing back and forth between her and the screens, desperately hoping he was seeing things, that he'd just forgotten how to read the code.

"Nope, that's our new target," She didn't seem bothered by the cramp in his brain. "S'why I called you up right away, you know him, right? He's that one you ran into on that one op?"

Of course. Tags thought, of course she already knows that. He broke eye contact with her and just stared at the screen, at JD. "I… that's… that's why it's a bad idea… can't we just give it to another ship?"

"Nope, that's our new target," She didn't seem bothered by the cramp in his brain. "S'why I called you up right away, you know him, right? He's that one you ran into on that one op?"

"Either you don't handle it and it's a bad idea or you do handle it and it's a good idea. I trust you to make sure you take the second option. Besides, there isn't another ship," she said, plainly, like his discomfort wasn't obvious. The truth was, she just didn't care; if the CO giving instructions wasn't enough to get through to someone having an attack of the awkwards, then she would deal with it directly, and Tags was still listening to her. "The only other ships at broadcast depth are the Caduceus and the Neb. The age rule is gospel as far as Ballard cares, he won't do it. Morpheus is already tracking a target, thinks he's found the One, because of course he does."

That distracted Tags for a second, making him think if Morpheus' bullshit was actually real, JD would be saved soon anyway. Tags knew not to rely on bullshit, though; he had no way of knowing if it was real or not, so he would assume 'not' instead of relying on it. He kept his eyes on the screen, because watching JD on his treadmill at the gym made it easier to come up with more excuses than making eye contact. "He is too old…"

"So were you," she shrugged, the idea that Tags had turned out fine was left unsaid, but it was clear. "Besides, even if we could pass it off, he's not looking for information about the Matrix. He's not a hacker trying to figure out what the government is covering up. He's looking for you. He wants to find you, he's making noise with your name. It won't be long before the Agents notice, and even if we just ignored him, who knows if they figure out some way of using him. Besides, we're down a man. If he can handle it and he can handle serving, we need him. We have a small window here to do this fast, and the fact that he trusts you makes it easier."

Tags had served on the ship long enough to know everyone well, as they knew him in turn. He knew when the captain was giving him an order even if she didn't say the word.

"Okay," said Tags. "Okay… let's do it." He leaned closer to the screen so he could clearly see the code and figure out everything going on around JD right that second, wondering what the best way to make contact with him would be. He said to himself, "Guess the Oracle was wrong…"

"Tags," the captain had started walking away to get ready, but she'd turned back.

"Yeah?" He looked up at her.

"'Fast' doesn't mean 'sloppy,’” she said, “He still has to choose for himself. Make sure he knows how big the consequences are if he makes the choice we did.��

“Yeah,” Tags just nodded.

"So you're the Oracle," Tags tried not to sound dismissive, but he couldn't help it. After the time he'd spent on the ship, after learning the truth, after being on his second week eating the food… the smell of the brownies coming out of the oven was more than a little distracting.

"Sure am," the old lady scootched over to the table and put the pan of brownies down. She took her pot-holders off, sat down, and lit a cigarette. "You can say this isn't what you expected, but you won't. Still thinking too hard about the idea of there just being an Oracle in the middle of everything you've been through?"

"Well," Tags was going to deny it at first, before he realized there really wasn't a point. Her cigarette was worse than the brownies, too, giving a serious craving he hadn't felt since he'd woken up after being fixed. "Uh… yeah… is that strange?"

"Why would it be strange," the Oracle shrugged. "Because you recently learned reality as you know it isn't real? Because there was a blur and when you opened your eyes, all the mundane things were gone and you're part of a war you never could've imagined? Maybe it should open your mind to what kinds of things are possible, sure, but one extraordinary thing doesn't just necessarily follow from the other."

"So you're not for real then, is what you're saying," Tags mostly blurted it out, suddenly feeling bad for being rude. "You don't see the future?"

"No, I'm just saying one doesn't necessarily follow the other," the Oracle took another drag from her cigarette and grinned up at him. "Not like I can convince you right here, you just have to decide what you want to believe yourself. Downside of choice is, just because you don't know what the right choice is doesn't mean you can take a pass on the consequences."

Shoving his hands into his coat pockets, Tags focused on his own breathing, making each breath deep and slow. "Guess I'd just choose whatever choice doesn't have consequences in the first place."

"Oh, now you're just being silly, all choices have consequences, we just don't bother thinking of them," she gestured at him with her cigarette and, that done, she put it down on the ashtray. She picked up the knife on the table and started cutting into the brownies. "I could choose to let these cool off a little before cutting in, but there wouldn't be time for me to give you one." She didn't look up until she was. "Would your life have gone the way it did if you'd made different choices? Maybe you reenlist, but still end up here… or still end up in the studio, just later on."

"Oh god," Tags looked down at his boots, and tried to shove his hands further into his pockets. The Oracle being a lovely old lady to such a disarming degree made this worse than his parents finding out, or his last girlfriend. "Of course you know that," He briefly glanced at the refrigerator before looking back at the Oracle, desperately wishing it was so interesting he would never have a reason to turn away.

"Don't need to be an oracle to know who you were in your last life, kid, just need to know how to use the Internet." She finished fishing one of the brownies out of the pan with a spatula, put it on a small plate already on the table, and slid it over towards the other side. "And I'm not judging, just giving you an example. Have a seat, take a bite. Don't worry, I only put the strong stuff in my cookies."

The plan was set, the crew was in position, the ship was ready to go for a fast pickup. Tags went over all of that in his head, because all he needed to do now was knock on JD's door, and he didn’t want to.

If Tags could say anything about himself, however, it was that he’d get things done, so, he knocked.

It took a few seconds; JD was pulling on a pair of pants as he answered his door, and the way he froze once he looked at Tags meant he probably hadn’t bothered looking through the peephole. “Holy shit!”

“Hey,” Tags said, plainly, dumbly.

“Fuck, man, don’t just stand there,” he stepped back, “Come in-”

“No!” Tags interrupted him. “There’s no time. Just,” he forced himself to calm down, raising one hand, awkwardly. “Just… hang on.”

“I don’t understand,” JD stood there, practically broadcasting his confusion.

“I know you’ve been looking for me,” Tags blurted out.

Taking a second to process his thoughts, JD slowly nodded. “Yeah, you said I’d have to find you if I wanted to know what the hell happened.” When the awkward pause started, he added, “I… kinda took it as a challenge.”

“Oh.” Tags glanced away, lowering his hand. “Fuck, guess I said the wrong thing…”

“You just… came to me again though,” JD prodded, holding onto the side of his door like an anchor. “I couldn’t find you.”

“Yeah, looking and finding were interchangeable, in this case,” Tags said. “Do you still wanna know?”

“Hell yes,” JD didn’t hesitate now.

“Alright, come with me.” When Tags saw JD lean down to grab his sneakers, he said, “Don’t bother, we’re not going outside, and we don’t have time, just…. come on. Please.”

Staring at Tags for a few seconds. He was definitely starting to realize things were even weirder than he already thought, but he walked out into the hallway with Tags and closed his door behind him.

“This way,” Tags said, and he led JD down the hallway towards the elevator. His stride broke halfway when they reached the vending machine in the hall, where Tags quickly shoved in a few quarters and pushed the button for a bottle of water. Once he had it, he handed it to JD and moved again without a word.

“If we’re not going outside,” JD had to jog a few steps to catch up; he wasn’t expecting a fast walk. “Where are we going, exactly?”

“One floor up,” Tags answered, not turning his head. He hit the ‘up’ button for the elevator when they reached it and it opened instantly, as if it were waiting. “The apartment above yours is vacant.”

“Okay,” JD let the world drag out, hoping it would prompt Tags to tell him more. When it didn’t, he stayed silent for the moment, and just followed Tags out when the elevator opened again.

Tags stopped in front of the door for the apartment above JD’s and turned to him. Taking a prescription pill bottle out of his pocket, he started playing with it, rolling it between both hands. He rolled once on the heels of his boots, and took a deep breath. He wanted to continue, he really did, but his apprehension won out for a moment. “You look tired.”

“Yeah, long day.” JD just twisted the cap off and took a gulp, seeing no reason not to. “Had to do a scene with that asshole Vadim, decided he didn’t want to bottom at the last minute, so much drama…”

“Yeah,” Tags looked down at the bottle, briefly thinking of work, then back up at JD. “You need to understand something, and it’s not easy because I can’t tell you shit, but you need to try to understand this.”

“Okay,” JD said again. “Hit me.”

“If you go through with this, there’s no going back.” Tags squeezed the bottle harder between both hands. “And I mean no going back to anything. Anything. I don’t know if you’re happy with your life, but going forward means you’re done with it. You’re done with everything you hate, you’re also done with everything you love. Everyone important to you, they won’t be important to you anymore. There’s no fucking way I can make you understand how serious I am about this, and normally we… ‘talk’ with potential recr- with people for longer than this, but you have to choose, and you have to do it now.”

“Choose,” JD repeated, “Choose what? How?”

Tags emptied the two pills in the bottle into his left hand. He tossed the pill bottle down the hallway, kept the blue pill in his left hand when he held it up to JD, and held the red one up in his right. He shook his left hand, drawing JD’s attention to it. “You take this one, you turn around, you go back to your place. Tomorrow, you won’t be sure you even really saw me. The life you’re living now goes on, sooner or later you’ll forget anything weird ever happened to you. You never find out the answers to the questions you have.” He drew JD’s attention to his right hand. “You take this one, you accept all the consequences I just warned you about. You get all the answers. You go through what I went through. You learn everything I learned. It’s not easy. Hell, it’s fucking insane, but you’ll know.”

JD’s eyes shifted between the two pills. “This, uh,” he sounded worried, “This is kinda… it’s starting to sound like you got your head screwed with by some kind of bullshit cult, like Scientology or some shit.”

“I know, it can’t be helped,” Tags said. “Actually, it’s usually way worse, most of the people who find us are looking because they think there’s something wrong with the world.” Stopping himself before he went into full-on babbling, Tags shook the pills in his hands again. “I don’t know how much you trust me right now, but if what I say means anything, there’s one thing I can tell you, and it’s that I’m not bringing you to a loud dude behind a cheap podium who’s gonna tell you why it’s a good idea to drink bad Kool-Aid.”

Pondering the pills again, JD slowly reached… and his hand moved for the blue pill. Tags actually felt relief, and he hadn’t been expecting to, he really had no idea what he was hoping for but at least JD wouldn’t have to go through any of it…

Then, JD stopped, his hand balling into a fist before he took the pill. “Was it worth it,” he looked Tags in the eye, “Getting the answers, I mean.”

Tags’ eyes went wide. It really hadn’t been a question he’d expected JD to ask, and it threw him for a loop. He glanced at the red pill he held, his own choice flashing before his eyes. “I… I shouldn’t tell you that… you… you need to choose for yourself…”

With Tags stuttering off, JD cracked his knuckles, his hand still closer to the blue pill in Tags’ left hand. “I can’t tell if you’re saying that because you don’t think it was but you still want me to go along with this,” he focused hard on that pill, “Or if you’re saying that because you do think it was, but you’re worried I won't.”

The moment stretched from that thought, until JD finally made his decision. He took the red pill from Tags’ right hand, popped it into his mouth, and gulped it down with some water. He barely had the bottle away from his mouth before he coughed and drank more to clear his throat.

It’s done, then, Tags looked JD over, somehow expecting something to be different already, even though he knew he wouldn’t be. He motioned for JD to hand him the water bottle; when JD did so, Tags said, “Come on,” and finally opened the door.

Walking in, Tags put the water bottle down on the desk he passed by, stopping at a chair and motioning for JD to follow. JD got the message that Tags wanted him to sit down, but he moved slowly, busy looking around at the paraphernalia that had been moved into the otherwise vacant apartment.

He saw a rack of servers, but the cables running to and from them were thick and black, not networking cables. A woman sat at a table with a pair of blacked-out goggles resting on her forehead as she worked what looked for all the world like a really old joystick. She didn’t look up when he walked into the room, but when she spoke, she was definitely talking to Tags. “Are we a go?”

“We’re a go,” Tags confirmed, motioning again for JD to sit in the chair.

As JD sat down, he noticed another person, a man, smaller than Tags with an expensive suit and equally expensive sunglasses sitting at the desk Tags had put the water bottle on, looking around a bank of small mismatched TV-screens. Once JD sat down, the man picked up a phone, set it down onto a modem that looked even older than the woman’s Atari controller, and set it dialing a sequence.

He had to cough again, harder, and without water anymore he stuck his face into the crook of his elbow to hack up a few breaths. Once that was over and done with, he looked around more, seeing a cable from the old modem running to the ground, across to the table and to the goggles on the woman’s head, ending in a hodgepodge of copper wiring reaching out from one side.

Shortly thereafter, she pulled them down over her eyes. JD only noticed that Tags had strapped his arms to the chair after it was done but he decided not to say anything yet, he'd already decided to trust him, after all.

"Thought you'd need me to come check on you, Tags," the man at the desk said.

"Actually worried about me?" Tags glanced over to him.

"Nah, I knew you'd be quick," the man answered. "I just pretend you're incompetent so I can give you grief."

When Tags grabbed what looked like a sensor for an EKG machine with one hand and silently flipped the man off with his other, JD’s focus went back to him. He didn't sense any real animosity so the apparent medical equipment held his interest. As Tags stuck it to the side of his head, JD said, “You really went through all this too?”

“All of it,” Tags answered. He stuck another sensor on JD, and several more after that. A leather band with wires attached to it from who knew what was next, going on around the top of JD’s head. Getting it on was a little awkward when JD coughed more, but Tags was done soon enough.

“Ty, is this safe?” JD asked. Having electronics attached to him certainly wasn’t what he’d expected when he’d made his choice.

“The way you mean? Yes,” Tags sat down in the next closest chair and went to work at his own collection of retro electronics, glancing between JD and his readouts.

It was probably the wrong thing to say, because JD turned his head to keep him in sight and spoke with more than a little shock. “How many ways are there?”

Before Tags could answer, the woman with the goggles glanced over to them, even though she couldn’t see them. “Oh don’t worry, hon. Usually, what I’m doing is your friend’s job, but I’m plenty good at it. We just figured it would be better if he was the one who made contact, since you already know each other.”

“Huh,” JD nodded. The confidence she spoke with made him feel better, enough that he didn’t even notice she had not, at all, answered his question.

“Tags,” she said, “Make sure we’re ready on the outside.”

“Right,” Tags pulled his phone from his jacket while JD watched him, the words he spoke through it making no sense. “We’re locking on now, ready on the signal.”

The woman smiled, the goggles making it look a little weird. “Piece of cake, this is an easy one.”

JD thought of another pertinent question. “Is this gonna hurt?” In a whisper, he added, “And why the hell are they calling you ‘Tags?’”

Tags ignored the second question. “It's… uncomfortable, but mostly it’s just scary as hell,” He didn't bother looking at JD as he said this. He’d held the phone down away from his head and he almost moved it back up to get back to business, then he paused long enough to look JD in the eye. “JD, you're gonna see some shit in the next few minutes… whatever you feel, whatever you see, I promise you, we’re on our way. We’re coming for you.”

“But,” JD coughed, “You’re… you’re already here. With me.” He coughed again and the scratch in his throat was more overwhelming than he was expecting this time… but on the third cough, he wretched without realizing something was coming up. What felt like the biggest loogie in the world came out and landed right on his lap. Except, as JD stared down, he realized he’d actually just coughed up what looked like a blob of quicksilver… and it was spreading further across his lap, more than could have possibly been in his throat. “What…”

“That’s the thing, JD,” Tags told him, “We’re not.”

JD watched as it covered more and more of him, turning him into a chrome mirror. He wasn’t sure if he should’ve been fascinated or horrified as it crawled up his chest, if it kept going it would be in his mouth soon. “Ty…”

It didn’t get that far before the woman moved the joystick one last time and pressed the single button. “Found him, got it!”

Never looking away from JD, Tags put the phone back up to his head. “Now!”

JD couldn’t tell if the liquid chrome just shot the rest of the way over him or if the world had gone black, but he didn’t have much time to think about it before awareness of anything just... left.

Tags didn't want to leave JD's side once they picked him up from the drains, so he started helping on JD's reconstruction as soon as he was scrubbed clean on the table, and just hoped everyone understood that he had every intention of spending every free minute he had doing so.

A day passed… another… then the first needle came out.

A day passed… another… and Tags was there when JD regained consciousness for the first time.

He watched JD's head turn very slightly, all he could manage. JD was trying to open his eyes, stymied by his eyelids twitching instead of doing what he wanted. He had better luck making his voice work. "Where… Ty… help…"

"I'm here," That leaned down so he could keep his voice soft and JD would still hear him. "You're safe, JD. You're safe." He shuffled over and put a hand on top of JD's.

"Everything hurts," JD croaked. "Got hit by a truck…"

“I know,” Tags pressed down on JD's hand. "Keep your eyes closed, they'll hurt too. Just rest, while we fix you."

"I trust you," JD murmured.

"I love you," Tags said, and then he heard his own words and froze. He didn't notice his shipmate looking over to him and then shaking his head before going back to removing another needle.

"What," was all JD could say with the last of his strength.

Tags took his hand away and went back to work.

A day passed… another… and another. Tags got to work fitting JD's plugs when his muscles needed a break.

A day passed… another… and another. Tags was on shift in the cockpit when a sentinel found them. He found a place to set down like his own life depended on it, and the squiddie bugged out rather than risk an EMP. Tags watched it fly away through another tunnel with a determined look on his face; he was ready to go outside and fight the thing one on one before he'd let it take JD.

A day passed… another… and another. JD could move a little on his own and open his eyes. He didn't need the food tube anymore but Tags didn't mind that JD couldn't feed himself yet.

"Fuck is that," JD made a face over his first spoonful of hovercraft rations.

Swirling the goop around a little, Tags told him, "Rations, basically. Don't worry, there's better food at home." Thinking about that, Tags said, "I mean… not necessarily good food, but better."

"Oh," JD groaned, and he was out like a light. He needed to sleep off the medication and sedatives; escaping the food was probably good motivation, so Tags stuck JD with a needle that had a saline bag on the other end.

A day passed… and Tags carried JD to the empty bunk room. He stayed there like he'd stayed in the infirmary.

JD woke up for real, surprised at his own lack of a headache, or any kind of ache. He looked down and saw the worn clothes he'd been dressed in, pulling at the shirt to get a better look. Worn, but comfortable and warm, at least. A pair of boots had been stuck on his feet before they'd been laced up, and he could feel socks on his feet underneath.

He saw the IV needle in his arm, inserted into what looked like some kind of plug on his skin. He saw more plugs on his arms… then, he saw Tags sitting in the corner of the room, opposite the rack he’d woken up on.

Tags was asleep, awkwardly propped up against the wall. He'd passed out with one knee pulled close and the arm on top somehow had managed to stay there.

Careful not to move his arm too far from the saline bag, JD shuffled a little so he could reach over. "Ty?" Shaking his leg a little, JD slightly raised his voice. "Ty…"

His eyes shooting open, Tags sat there otherwise unmoving for a moment. He blinked a few times, reached up to rub the sleep out, and finally leaned forward. "Hey, you're awake."

"Am I?" JD asked him, seriously.

"If you're not, you're dreaming me and I wouldn't know," Tags chuckled. "Do what I do and just try not to think about things like that. It'll give you a headache. Give me your arm, let me get that thing out."

JD watched as Tags took his arm and pulled on the needle. It slid out slowly and cleanly, but the metal needle scraping on the metal of the plug was a sound terrible enough to make him flinch. He looked again at all the other plugs and he realized he could feel that he had more under his clothes… and he saw them on Tags’ arms, too. "What… what is all this," he said, his hand going to his head. "What happened to my hair? What happened to your hair?"

"You've just started growing it," Tags mirrored him and ran a hand over his own head. "And I just buzz mine every couple of months."

"Where's 'here' anyway?" JD glanced around the room.

"We're," Tags started, but he decided he'd try to coach his answer a little. "This isn't going to make sense, but, just try to hear this… literally, okay? You're going to be confused about how anything I say is possible, so just… try to accept what I'm saying is exactly what's happening for now, then we'll get to the 'how.'" When JD nodded silently, Tags continued. "This is the hovercraft I serve on. It's called the

Damocles

. The captain's name is Reaper."

"The hovercraft you," JD cut himself off, "Wait, so… you joined the military again, but… you're also supposed to be a criminal…"

"I joined a different military," Tags looked up to the ceiling, stretching his arms before he put his hands behind his head to rest against the wall with a little support. "Do you remember anything? Anything after you took the pill I gave you?"

"The room, the chair, the weird… whatever it was I coughed up," JD's mind went through the events until they turned foggy, but he wanted to remember, he wanted to know what Tags was asking about. He focused on that last moment in the room, with Tags and the other people… and he started to remember. He remembered waking up, soaked in… something. Then the cables jammed into his skin popped out, something grabbed him, there was a chute like a water park from hell, and something at the back of his…

Tags watched JD reach up to the back of his head, slowly, carefully. He knew JD had found it when JD's eyes went wide, so Tags leaned forward again, bending down so JD could see the back of his head, and he tapped at the port with a finger.

"You have one too," JD breathed.

"Told you I went through everything you did," Tags straightened up and got to his feet, offering JD a hand up. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the rest of the crew," he paused, taking a breath. "We'll show you what's going on, and I guess… I guess then, you can decide if you hate me or not."

Looking at the hand Tags had offered, JD took it and let himself be pulled up. "Why would I hate you?"

When JD wobbled a little in his feet, Tags put his hands on his shoulders to keep him steady, to give him a second to get used to walking again. "When I told you there was nothing I could say that would let you understand what it really means to be here? We're gonna show you, and you… you're gonna realize you really couldn't make an informed choice, it just comes down to whether or not you think it's worth it to know." He waited to see if JD wanted to say anything. When he didn't, Tags let him go and opened the door.

JD had caught sight of the ship's name plate when Tags brought him to a larger chamber, and from there he started looking around at the mishmash of electronics and chairs. The sight of this place confused him even more; he couldn't imagine any military looking like this. He snapped back from the distraction when Tags started introducing him to the other people present.

"Fluke, our operator," Tags motioned towards a man wearing a headset JD hadn't seen before, hunched over a workstation with several monitors. "Haze and HABIT, all caps," Tags said this like it made sense, and JD recognized Haze as the man Tags had given the finger to, HABIT was a tall woman who, like Fluke, he didn't recognize.

It took an immense amount of willpower to refrain himself from asking if he was really supposed to believe these were their names, but unlike Fluke, Haze and HABIT actually acknowledged his presence and dropped what they were doing to pay attention. "Hi," JD nodded towards them.

"New guy's finally up?"

Everyone looked behind JD towards the source of the voice, and he turned to see another woman climbing down a ladder. The wrinkles on her face didn't look particularly natural; she was definitely middle-aged, but she was also definitely younger than she looked. She'd been the one wearing goggles.

"And, Captain Reaper," Tags finished. Her presence distracted him from JD for a second. "You don't have to be here for this, Cap."

"Hey, if you're going to do my job for me, the least I can do is be present," she looked JD over. "Looks like reconstruction went well, at least."

"So you," JD couldn't help himself from saying something to her, he was going insane feeling like he was in over his head. "You usually… show people around?"

"Oh, you're mostly done with the showing-around part," Reaper said. "Not exactly much to see, is there? But yes, that and telling you what he's about to tell you is usually something I take care of. Same thing as when we busted you out; we figured since we have someone here you know, that might be easier."

Trying desperately to figure out what she meant by 'busted out,' JD just nodded.

"Over here," Tags had JD sit down in a chair once again, this one flanked by cables, equipment, and a monitor. "Fluke?"

Fluke didn't so much as turn in his chair, but he gave a thumbs-up and called back, "Good to go!"

Grabbing a cable from nearby, Tags watched JD sit down in the chair and lay back, his eyes darting around as he tried to keep track of everything. "Think you're as ready as can be for answers?"

It wasn't lost on JD that Tags apparently didn't think it was possible to actually be ready, but that just lined up with everything Tags had told him so far. "If it includes why you're dressed like a hobo now, then yes." He glanced down at himself before resting his head back down again, keeping his eyes on the ceiling, trying to be prepared for whatever was going to happen. "Or why I am too, for that matter."

Tags tried not to laugh, but he couldn't help a chuckle getting out. "Actually yeah, it does."

JD saw Tags lean over at the edge of his vision. When Tags shoved the plug at the end of the cable into the jack in the back of his head, JD startled at the sensation, at the push against his skull, but the world went white before he could move.

Reaper had told Tags there really wasn't anything he could've done differently. There were no better words to say; the newly freed were basically going to react poorly as a fact of life. The kids took it better, they weren't as attached to the reality they started in, but JD was older. His life had more things in it to be rendered meaningless.

Tags didn't feel better about it. JD had gone near-catatonic, responding to stimuli but very nearly losing the will to do anything that wasn't involuntary.

Before Tags tried to carry him to his bunk, he threw JD's arm over his own shoulders and tried to walk him back. JD's feet did more dragging than stepping, though Tags took it as a good sign that there were attempts, that JD hadn't completely turned off.

JD moved more than an inch for the first time after Tags laid him down on his bunk, silently turning onto his side and curling up into himself as much as he could, facing the wall.

After Tags put a pillow under his head, he looked towards the door, and wondered what he should do. It was just another choice he couldn't know the consequences of ahead of time.

Closing the door as quietly as he could, Tags put a hand on JD's shoulder, lightly. "I'm gonna stay, okay? If you need anything, I'm… I'll be right here."

He stepped back and sat down on the floor, once again with his back to the corner.

After two bites, Tags forced himself to chew more slowly, to truly savor the brownie he knew he wasn't really eating. The taste felt real enough, and the Oracle certainly baked some mean sweets. "Thank you," he tried to say, his mouth full wondering if it would be rude to ask for something to wash it down with later.

"You're welcome, kid. Enjoy it." Maybe the Oracle was reading his mind, maybe she'd already predicted his thoughts, or maybe she just thought it was common sense, but after patting Tags on the hand, she stood and retrieved a carton of milk from the fridge. "You don't need me to tell you you're not what Morpheus was hoping you'd be, but, may as well say it out loud, right? Last thing you need is to have it bothering you because you're just not sure. I don't think you have any world-altering choices ahead of you, most people don't," she took a glass from the nearest cupboard and started filling it, still talking despite her back being to Tags. "Everyone wants to feel special, but it's not what it's cracked up to be. You feel a lot less free when your choices can make the whole world go a certain way, change things for everyone in it, believe me."

The Oracle set the glass of milk down on the table and Tags gulped from it almost instantly. "I guess I'd rather be unimportant."

Sitting back down and picking up her cigarette, she told Tags, "We're all important, kiddo, to someone. It's just a matter of how many someones. Sooner or later you'll bump into one of those someones, and it'll be time to make another choice."

Stopping halfway through another bite on the brownie, Tags put it down on the plate. "What choice?"

"The obvious one," she grinned, looking for all the world like a grandmother sharing some wisdom. "Do you tell them the truth, or tell them they just couldn't understand and walk away? It's like being in love and deciding whether or not to go for it. No easy answers, really just depends on the people involved."

"Who, uh," Tags poked at his brownie, feeling guilty for wanting to get back to it. "Who are we talking about here?"

"Oh, that I don't know," she shrugged apologetically. "I just know you're going to have to make a choice about what to say; one choice they follow you out, the other choice, they don't. It's not an easy thing to get through, but it's easy to understand."

"Huh," Tags picked up the brownie again, inhaling deep, savoring the smell before he took another bite.

Tags wasn't sure how much time had passed. He didn't fall asleep again, he tried to meditate but his concern for JD was too overpowering to let him quiet his mind.

He kept wondering, over and over, if staying with JD had been a good idea. The inability to know what was best screamed through his brain and deafened him. If JD hated him for this, sitting there was just making things worse. If he doesn't hate me… and I leave him… can't just abandon him…

At long last, JD saying something grabbed his attention, though it still didn't help his sense of time.

"Is this real," JD said, without moving.

Tags really didn't know if JD wanted an answer from him, or if JD was just talking to the wall. Still, he wasn't going to ignore him. “Yeah, ‘fraid so.”

JD moved in stages. He propped himself up on an arm and stayed like that for a minute, still staring at the wall, before he sat up and turned halfway around. He finally got to the edge of his rack, where his legs could hang down. Staring at his boots, he swung his feet back and forth, letting the heels thump on the wall underneath. When he finally stopped, he said, “How… how did you handle it?”

“Cried like a bitch,” Tags chuckled despite everything, remembering his own patheticness. “For hours."

"Really?" JD stopped looking down and turned to Tags, eyes wide.

"Yep. I spent a few minutes just… stunned, feeling like an idiot for taking everything for granted... then I cried. And I wanted out, just didn't know what 'out' really meant. Surprised?" Tags almost laughed, but he was so focused on JD it just didn't come out.

"Well," JD looked down again, "Yeah."

He wasn't sure it was a good idea, but Tags got up and sat next to JD on his rack. He left some space between them and fought the urge to touch him, even just a hand on his shoulder. "JD, I might not be a guy who takes shit from anyone, but trust me, having all this knock you on your ass? It's not a sign of weakness."

"I can't even decide what to think about," he grabbed at his own head, tight with both hands. "One minute I'm thinking, it's all gone and my life was meaningless anyway, the world is dead, there's a war because we're slaves, I could die tomorrow," JD took a breath. "The next, I'm trying to remember what I was supposed to do today; is my rent due? Who was I supposed to do a shoot with? Did I miss my mom's birthday? I can't remember any of it, because none of it ever mattered.”

“I wish I could say something that would make it okay,” Tags kept his eyes off of him. “Your experiences were real, though. The Matrix isn’t, but the feelings you felt, the ‘you’ that you turned out to be, that’s real.”

Scoffing, his shoulders sagging, JD said, “The ‘me’ I was? Fuck, Ty, I'm a… I was a porn actor happy I didn't need to find a real job."

"Yeah, like I said, we're not typical," Tags nodded. He shifted his weight, wondering about details now that he wasn't in a rush. "Thought you'd gotten out of the biz before I left, though.

"Yeah, well… like I said, better than a real job," JD said. "I'm even less typical than you, right? You said these people usually go for someone who feels like there's something wrong with the world, right? Then you said, you did feel that. I didn't have a clue, I just thought life sucks, make the most of it, I got lucky and I'll enjoy it. I never…"

"I had the mindset, I didn't have the background, and I was older than usual, too." Tags took a deep breath, eyes wandering around the room. "We don't have the resources to free everyone who just has the feeling, we focus on the ones who go looking for answers, too. Usually aspiring hackers, kids who feel it so much they go looking for answers in places others don't know exist, who can find us, or at least come closer. Plus, it's easy to communicate through electronics, so it makes establishing contact easy."

"I'm not a hacker," JD sighed, before he realized what Tags was actually telling him. "You're not a hacker."

"Well, I am now," Tags smiled, indulging in a little ego. "I wasn't, though, you're right. I was just in the dark place you go when you spend months thinking nothing seems right and you can't figure out why. Not depressed, no problems going from one day to the next, keeping up all the routines… just this nagging sensation that this can't possibly be how the world is supposed to go, driving you crazy.."

When Tags didn't volunteer more information, JD prodded for it, sure that knowing would make him feel better, even if there was no reason to. "So how'd it happen?"

Chuckling, Tags said, "Random chance, for real. The crew of another ship, the Nebuchadnezzar, was tracking a potential recruit. It went bad, the Agents were even faster than normal, they lost the target. Their Operator just happened to catch sight of me while getting them to an exit. I just happened to be feeling so trapped in my own head at the moment." Another deep breath, and Tags continued. "The Neb's captain is this guy named Morpheus, he's a crazy-person. He, uh… there's a lot of weird shit, but, all that really matters is, he thinks he's gonna free someone really important one day. So, his target's lost, his Op just happens to see someone who's got that feeling no one ever should've noticed? He decided to go for it."

Smiling for the first time, if only a little, JD said, "I'm guessing you're not Mister Important."

"Nope, just a random jackass," Tags answered. "It was obvious real quick, yeah? I'm good, if I do say so myself, but I'm not win-the-war good. They took it in stride, well, most of them did. This one guy on his crew seriously needs a vacation, told me to be glad we figured it out fast or I'd be dead in a week thinking I could take out an Agent. Anyway, once I learned to cope they still trained me, treated me just fine… but the Neb didn't have room for more crew so, when I decided I wanted to serve, I got sent to a ship that did, and here I am."

"You know," JD rolled over the story in his head, wanting to sit on it for a minute. "You still haven't told me why everyone calls you 'Tags.' Which, all things considered, is the most normal sounding thing anyone calls anyone else."

Tags told him, simply, "'Cause it's my name." When JD didn't seem to really understand, he continued. "I meant it when I said that the things you felt while you were in the Matrix were real even if the world wasn't, but… this is the real world. Who I was then is a part of who I am now, but that's all. No one's the same here as we were there. Everyone else is just attached to their 'cool' hacker names," Tags made air quotes, "'Cause by the time they were freed, they already felt like that was who they were, and the names their parents gave them were another thing that didn't feel right."

"Yeah, but you didn't have a 'cool hacker name,'" JD didn't repeat the air quotes, he just let the sarcasm in his voice speak for itself. "You just added XXX to your name on social media, so that still doesn't explain 'Tags.'"

"Yeah, I," Tags forced the words out; talking about it was weirdly difficult. "I didn't think anything of it at first, may as well stick with 'Ty,' once I was out I sure as hell felt that was more who I was than my given name. I guess I just… went through the same thing everyone else did, delayed. It started feeling more and more wrong. The first time I was in the Construct like you just were, when Residual Self-Image was explained to me? I had my tags around my neck. My dog-tags from when I was in the military. I'd tossed 'em when I got out, wasn't attached to them like some vets are. Except, apparently I am, in some way. So..."

"So," JD nodded, "'Tags.' Do you, uh… do you want me to call you that, ‘cause I’m not sure I can get used to it."

“I don’t mind either way,” Tags shook his head. “It’s not like, taboo or anything, like I said, these just are our names. Kinda wonder if you’ll be like me or if you’ll stick with ‘JD,’ actually. Hell, no reason you can't just be 'Danny.'”

“Oh, I think that's off the table, I understand exactly what you meant, my real name isn't me, after this. Feels like it never was,” JD shook his head before scrubbing at his face. “I guess… I guess I need time.”

“Well, barring an unfortunately sudden end to the war in the Machines’ favor, you actually do have a lot of that,” Tags chuckled. “No one’s gonna tell you you’re not coping fast enough. I'm not gonna say this life cured the human race of assholes, but… some things are big enough even for the assholes to keep their mouths shut. Whatever you choose to do, you won’t be judged.”

Almost before Tags had finished the sentence, JD blurted out, “I want to stay here with you.”

“Uh,” Tags’ mouth opened and stayed that way while he waited for more words to come. “That’s… that’s not a decision you should make without a lot of thought.”

“It’s why you took me out, isn’t it?” JD glanced around his bunk. “That’s why this room is mine. You said the ship that freed you didn’t have space for more crew, this one needs someone, right?”

“That… wasn’t the main reason,” Tags tensed up a little. He had to force his shoulders to go down. “We took you out because you were looking for me, and we… we weren’t sure what would happen, someone looking for one of our old names if we ignored it, if they’d ignore you or if I’d go inside on an op one day and find you with a gun to your head, or anything in-between… so Reaper made the call even though you weren’t… standard. You’re right though,” it felt like a confession, “She’s hoping you’ll be fit to sign on with us. She can conscript you, but it's not her style, I don’t think she wants someone on her crew who doesn’t want to be here.”

“Ty… Tags,” JD put his feet up onto the edge of his bunk, pulling his knees as tight to his chest as he could, looking at Tags like he was physically incapable of looking anywhere else. “I can’t do this alone. I can’t handle this… all of this, alone, I can’t!”

“That’s,” Tags paused, again needing to think of the right words. “That’s not unreasonable, but it shouldn’t be the only thing you think about. Being here is dangerous. Being free is dangerous, but it’s a lot safer in Zion than it is on a ship.”

Having a question distracted JD for a moment, if a short one. “Zion?"

“Home,” Tags said. “You'll see it soon. We live underground, we use geothermals for heat and energy, it’s… living in a city of a quarter-million that’s been built into a cave isn’t exactly living in the lap of luxury, but you’d live better than you would on a ship. We live in the salvage and ruins of the old world, but the old world wasn't the one you know, it was a world that could make thinking machines, hell, even flying cars; even slumming it, there's tech for creature comforts.”

“How well I live doesn’t really matter to me right this second,” JD answered.

“It might, later,” Tags said. “You don’t have to decide now. You don’t really have to decide for real until the next time we dock at Zion, that’s about the limit of any crew wanting to cart someone around who isn’t sure they want to be here, I think. If you want, I can start training you, maybe it’ll help. Maybe just help you decide you want off this ship ASAP, there's still some shit you don't know, about how we operate...”

“What would I even do otherwise?” JD shrugged. “Sit in here?”

“Mostly,” Tags shrugged. “And get grabbed by whoever could use an extra pair of hands at any given moment.”

“I just have to do something, anything,” JD stood up, with more energy than he’d displayed in a long time. “You’re, uh… you’re really gonna teach me to… be in the military? I guess it’s good I’m used to going to the gym...”

“Thinking you never even considered the idea and you can’t possibly handle it?” Tags’ grin grew a little more devious. “Don’t worry, it’s not what you think.”

Tags handed JD off to Fluke and, once Fluke had JD jacked in, shoving things into his brain, Tags left. He knew JD wouldn’t be able to pay any attention to him during the process. JD not being able to miss him was a window of opportunity, so he told Fluke to just come get him when they were done.

He needed real rest that wasn’t passing out up against a wall. He needed a goddamn nap, and his rack was such an upgrade over the corner of JD’s room that it took him roughly ten seconds to pass out.

“Tags… Tags!”

Tags’ eyes opened slowly, lazily. His brain refused to move with any sense of urgency, and the first thought he managed to formulate was that he actually didn’t realize how tired he was. This became evident when he finally realized he wasn’t shaking because the ship was pulling several Gs, he was shaking because Fluke had come into his room and started shaking him awake when banging on the door hadn’t done the job.

“I’m up, I’m up, stop already,” he groaned. Once he could think enough that he realized it must’ve been time to get back to JD, he could finally sit up and stretch. He couldn’t help the yawn, though. “You done?”

“Will be in ten minutes, figured you’d want some warning,” Fluke said. “Clearly, I was right.”

Standing and stretching again, Tags bent down to un-lace his boots, absent-mindly wishing he hadn’t slept in them. “Good, just enough time to grab a shower. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Fluke left him without a fuss, satisfied he didn’t need to do anything else.

A quick shower and shave later, Tags felt good to go for the day, or whatever time it was; he didn’t bother checking, he just got dressed and carried his boots with him to the core of the ship rather than mess with putting them on without being able to sit down.

He realized he’d probably taken more than ten minutes when he saw JD sitting up in one of the chairs, waving his arms back and forth like he was trying to jazz himself up.

When JD saw him, he hopped onto his feet, and practically started bouncing. “Ty, holy shit, dude, I know stuff!”

“I figured,” Tags smiled. Seeing JD in good spirits lifted his own, maybe more than he realized. He sat in the adjacent chair and pulled his boots on, not bothering to lace them up. “How long have you been at it?”

“Oh, he got it all in one sitting,” Fluke yawned. “Took twenty hours, got HABIT to take over for me in the middle, but he didn’t take a break.”

“Better start while you’re still wired, ‘cause that’s gonna catch up with you soon,” Tags grinned at him. Surprise at how long he'd slept was relegated to the back of his mind.

“Right!” JD hopped back onto the chair and waited for Fluke.

Fluke plugged JD back in first, then Tags. As he walked back to the Operator console, Tags turned his head as much as he could and said, “Hey, Fluke, don’t give us the usual training environment, I fucking hate that whole dojo thing.”

“Roger-dodger,” Fluke called back, not looking up from his monitors as he started entering commands.

The familiar rush came, and when it passed, Tags realized Fluke had put them in a standard urban setting. He adjusted his leather jacket and looked JD over; his RSI had changed since his first time in the white void of the basic Construct. Purple chucks, jeans somewhere between loose and baggy, a flannel jacket over a blue V-neck, a full head of hair, more than Tags ever remembered him with… “You look different… better.”

JD looked down at himself as well. "I feel… less helpless. A little.”

“It’s a process. That’s a good start,” Tags nodded. He looked around; they were on a short street, the nearest building had an open door. It was a commercial area, with storefronts and apartment buildings on top of some of them, but, as he expected, no people. “Where do you think we are?”

Looking for relevant details, JD decided Tags wasn’t looking for an in-depth answer. “A city, obviously? I don’t recognize the area, but… this is the same as when you explained everything to me, right? The computer is just set to ‘city’ instead of ‘empty space.’”

Nodding once, Tags said, “Very good.” He was actually impressed with JD getting that so fast, but he decided not to say so yet. “The laws of physics don't determine the rules of this world, its programming does, which means you're not as beholden to those rules as in reality. I'm gonna help you understand that more. What else is different about you?”

“I know how some of the tech works now,” JD bounced a little like he had in the real world. “I know how to fight, man!”

“Excellent,” Tags said, even though he knew it already. “‘Cause this isn’t a video-game where you get to trample all over the computer, you’re gonna fight me.”

JD became a little more apprehensive at this. A little nervousness worked its way into his voice, and he stilled. “We’re��gonna fight?” After Tags nodded again, he said, “It’s okay though, right? Because it isn't real?”

“Well, I’ll put it to you this way,” Tags’s grin turned into a full, devilish smile. “I’m not pulling my punches.” He shifted his weight, one hand behind his back, one hand out, ready to go. When he saw JD lean back into a more defensive stance, Tags motioned him over, taunting JD just enough. “Get over here, and hit me.”

JD flopped onto the floor and groaned, his back covered in dust. The wall he'd left a dent in kept dropping small pieces of concrete on him.

"That's good technique," Tags didn't wait for him to get up before he started talking. "You're not trying the same thing over and over when it doesn't work, you're using the environment…"

Looking up at Tags, JD shook his head and finally started dragging himself up. Frustrated, he snapped back, between heaving breaths, "Don't fucking patronize me, Ty, I didn't lay a damn finger on you…"

Tags took JD's anger in stride. "I said you have good technique, I didn't say you're not doing anything wrong. Why's it so hard for you to land a hit on me?"

Trying to work a kink out of his back and regain his breath, JD said, "Because you've been doing this longer so you're better than me?"

This not being an answer Tags expected, he made a face and thought of how to respond for a moment. He finally said, "Well, yeah, that's how it is with anything. Specifically, though, what am I doing better?"

"You're faster," JD said, "You can stop everything I do before I connect, I can barely keep up, and you haven't broken a sweat!"

Oh, that's perfect, Tags thought. He flashed JD another grin. "Well, that makes sense, I'm laying down on a chair, may as well be taking a nap. Why would I break a sweat?" He let that sink in for JD, and when the beginning of realization showed in JD's eyes, he added, "Come to think of it, that's what you're doing too, kinda weird that you're out of breath."

"Well yeah, out there," JD answered. "But we're in here…"

"In 'here?'" Tags said. "Did we go somewhere after we sat down? What's 'here?'"

"In a computer," and so, JD began the journey towards freeing his mind. "Set to 'city.'"

Moving his head to one side and then the other, getting a good crack from his neck, Tags bent his knees and raised his hands. "Hit me!"

This time, when Tags helped JD to his room, there was very little dragging. JD's arm over his shoulders was almost a formality… almost. JD was still limping, and nursing a spot on his jaw with his free hand. "Christ, you could've warned me it'll hurt for real."

"Sorry, but," Tags stopped in front of the door, and carefully helped JD swing his arm off of him. "It's honestly better if it smacks you in the face, so to speak. Drives the point home."

"Yeah, I guess." JD leaned against the door. "When you said being out here is dangerous, you didn't just mean the, uh… the Machines."

"Yeah," Tags nodded. He expected that to be it, but the way JD was looking at him made it hard to say 'good night,' and a pregnant pause settled. Shuffling his weight a bit, Tags made a show of glancing at the door. "Well, this is you. I know you could use some sleep-"

"Ty," JD looked almost panicked. It wasn't like the shock of reality when it shut him down completely, his eyes suddenly glazed over with fear and he reached out like it would physically stop Tags from leaving. "I… you… would you… could you… stay with me again?" Seeing Tags suddenly become a deer in headlights, JD said, "Please, I… you've done so much already but I can't," his voice lowered, "I can't be alone…"

"JD, that's," Desperate for a way out, Tags actually glanced up and down the corridor, hoping for someone to come to him with a sudden emergency. No such escape presented itself. "I don't think that's a good idea… I… you…"

"I remember what you said to me," JD told him. "When I was on the table and I couldn't move, when you started fixing me."

Tags found his voice cut off by an enormous lump in his throat, and he was sure he felt his heart speed up. When he finally said something, it was all he could do to not to fall over. He felt like he'd been busted with another forty days in jail waiting. "I, uh… I figured… you just didn't remember any of that…"

"I actually remember it vividly," JD said, calmly and clearly. "All the times I was awake, I mean. I dunno, I guess stuff just gets into my long-term memory quick."

Another strange moment of silence passed. Tags nodded, though his eyes were turned down. He motioned for JD to open the door, and followed him in.

JD sat at the far end of his rack, back against the wall, one leg hanging off, the other pulled close. Tags sat at the other end, cross-legged, trying to take up as little space as possible while they just looked at each other for a moment.

Tags felt like throwing himself off of the ship and forced himself to talk, to get this going so he could get it over with faster. "JD, I'm sorry, I just… I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry I made this harder…"

"Harder, are you kidding," JD let out a laugh. Now that he didn't have anything keeping him occupied, he looked tired. The bags under his eyes were more obvious. He talked slowly, he hardly moved. "You don't realize how much I just keep thinking of you, you're just… you're something familiar in all this, I needed you, to stay sane. I need you, I… learning stuff was cool, but, fuck, man, I'm so lost…"

"I guess… if nothing else, the captain was right," Tags pawed at one of the plugs on his arm. It started to itch, and he started rubbing his thumb around the edge. "It was a good idea for me to… well, handle you."

When Tags didn't say anything else, JD became more direct. "How long have you… you know…"

"It's complicated," Tags blurted out, before he really thought about what he was saying. "Well, maybe not complicated, just… I, uh… after we did our shoots together way back when, I had… feelings for you."

"Okay," nodded JD, hoping Tags would go on, and would realize he was listening.

Now picking at the seam between his skin and the plug, Tags said, "I didn't say anything 'cause that's just asking for trouble right? Fucking drama. Plus it was probably just… it was a little surprising, I was a horn-dog, I still am a horn-dog, never mattered to me what anyone has in their pants, but I never saw myself actually feeling anything halfway deep for another man. I figured you just… set off some hormones for my brain to swim in, so I just ignored it, got over it and moved on."

"Guess you didn't," JD chuckled.

"No, I did." Even Tags didn't think he sounded believable, but how else was he supposed to say it? "I know how stupid that sounds, but I did. I went on with life, or I tried to, but my big problem was… well, I told you how I felt about everything. You asked if I thought it was worth it, well, yeah, I did. I do. I was so fucking lucky to be freed, JD, and then, you weren't just in the past, you were in a different world, you and everyone else I ever felt anything for or so much as railed. I didn’t think about you every day, I didn’t feel like I’d lost my soul mate or anything, but then… then I ran into you.”

“Literally,” JD nodded. He sat back, head resting on the wall, eyes heavy. He'd have fallen asleep right there if he hadn't had Tags to talk to.

“Yeah… it just came flooding back. You were standing right there, and I… I guess I just lost my fuckin’ mind. I thought that would be it, it was over and done with again, then you started looking for me...”

"I made myself hard to forget," JD mused. "Yeah, like I said, when you didn't think I could find you, it just made me want to."

Tags swallowed hard as he thought back, wishing he'd been smart enough to get more detail out of the Oracle. "I'm sorry," Tags spoke without thinking once more. "I'm so sorry. I should've told you something different, I should've just told you to forget about me, I should've just kept running, and you'd never… you'd never have…"

"Hey, I made the choice to be here," JD leaned forward, putting a hand on Tags' knee. "You were right, I really had no idea how serious you were… but I made my choice and I'm not sorry. I'm just… I'm scared, Ty."

JD's hand on his knee suddenly felt less like a comforting gesture and more like JD was holding on for dear life. Tags put a hand on top of JD's, feeling like it was the first time he'd ever touched another human being. "This isn't… you're vulnerable right now, I'm the last person who should be with you…"

"Does it really even matter," JD's eyes were soft as he looked into Tags.' "Fuck, if we're talking about getting feelings for someone under crazy circumstances… well, you're not the only one."

Tags broke eye contact and looked down at his hand over JD's. His thumb was moving around, tracing circles. He wanted to remind JD that, really, they barely knew each other and circumstances were just making it feel like they were old friends, but it didn't come out in so many words. "If you can say that out-loud, you know what you're feeling isn't real, it's just the stress..."

JD just squeezed on his knee. "Who the fuck cares? That doesn't mean I'm not feeling it! What is real, right? I don't give a shit if we go our separate ways in a week. This is how I feel right now. Right now, I… goddamn, Ty, I need you."

"Okay," Tags breathed. He still felt like this was a bad idea, that he just needed to get over this, but… JD needed him. "Okay."

JD melted as soon as Tags leaned into him, his exhaustion taking it as a cue. Tags shoved his back to the wall and pulled JD into his chest; it was really the only way they could manage on a rack made for one, short of JD using him as a pillow.

"Just rest," Tags said. He realized he'd forgotten to take his boots off, but it was too late for that.

"Hmmm." JD began drifting off. He didn't notice his shirt chafing under him or one of his plugs being pressed on by the bedframe. He felt Tags breathing at his back, the warmth from being close, the hand on his chest holding him. He managed to free a hand and slide his fingers in-between Tags.'

Tags took a deep breath, held JD's hand tight, and closed his eyes.

#rpf #iconmale #ty roderick #jd phoenix #proper tags this time because anyone who's read chapter 1 blind will have done so #crossover #the matrix #original character #from a certain point of view anyway #if it's not clear yet this was a terrible idea that wouldn't get out of my head so I did it anyway #gay #af #cocky boys

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trashfanficdump · 3 years ago

Text

Jacking

He hasn't been called 'Ty' in years...

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Violence, bullying, cult-like behavior, naughty language, all mild.

(I know cops in reality wear fake ties. This isn't reality, just roll with it.)

---

Tags let his fingers play over the keyboard without thinking. He'd been computer-literate in a previous life, had to know just a little more than the basics in the military, but his knowledge now was greater than if he'd gotten a 4-year CIS degree. Now, it was all second-nature.

He was also profoundly uncomfortable. The little hidey-hole he was using while doing some inside surveillance on their next target barely had room for a chair to sit in and a desk to put the laptop on. Tags was well-built… but hunched over like this, he felt small. In his mind, he compared it to a sardine can for a second before thinking that a sardine can didn't do it justice.

"Shit," he breathed, eyes playing over the screen at a frantic pace. Even so low, the deep bass of his voice seemed loud in the small space. "Where'd he go?"

Fuck fuck fuck raced through his mind as he tried to re-locate the mark. Everything about him ran through Tags' thoughts: geeky kid named Zayden, glasses, fourteen years old, bullies at school call him 'Gayden' because of course they do, outcast, oblivious parents who just think their kid isn't 'trying hard enough' to make friends, starting to think there's something wrong with the world…

Tags rubbed at his eyes to clear his thoughts out. He'd been planning to send Zayden a message over his computer when he got home from school; it was time for more contact, time to start prepping the kid, time to start warning him they could show him the truth but there would be no going back. He'd lost Zayden leaving school, which meant the routine changed. When the routine of a lonely middle schooler walking home changed, it probably meant something was wrong.

"Gotcha," Tags didn't even notice himself speaking when he found the target again. Something had gone wrong alright, but not the kind of thing Tags could do anything about.

Resting his elbows on the desk, Tags laced his fingers together and rested his chin on his hands as he watched Zayden's bullies finally kicking it up a notch. "Fucking kids are horrible," he muttered to himself.

He could go. He could help. I can tell the captain I was worried the target was in too much danger . He would be lying; the bullies weren't going to kill the kid. The hits were few and far between. Mostly they faked it so Zayden would be scared and react, so they could mock him for flinching. C'mon kid… you can get through this… you'll get through this and you'll meet us, and it'll get better… you'll handle it better, I was too fuckin' old...

When his phone rang, Tags was staring so hard at the laptop that he'd begun ignoring the world around him, and he jumped in his seat. His head hit the hanging lamp above him, since there was barely any clearance.

A hard frown crossed his face as Tags chastised himself for letting his attention wander, or maybe he was just pissed off. He wasn't sure, and it didn't matter as he retrieved his phone from the inside pocket of his leather jacket. His other hand absent-mindedly ran through his thick hair, in case knocking into the lamp had made a mess of it.

When he hit the talk button and put it to his ear, the sudden agitation came through a little in his voice. "Yeah?"

The person on the other end either didn't notice or didn't care. "We're pulling you out, there's some activity starting up. Captain thinks the line's been traced."

"You're kidding," Tags went tense.

"'Fraid not," came the response. "The hardline's been cut, either they're on to you or that's one hell of a coincidence."

"Shit," Tags got up from the chair, laptop forgotten, but he couldn't really stand up so much as crouch. He bumped into the hanging lamp again, making the shadows in the dingy room dance around. He blocked most of the light himself.

"Just get moving," the voice on the line said, "I'll find another exit and call you back."

"Right," Tags hung up and pocketed his phone. He was out the door and up the small flight of stairs leading up to the sidewalk in seconds.

Breathing sharply, his breath fogging just enough to notice in the cool night air, Tags looked around and unconsciously stretched a little to get the kinks out of his limbs and his back. He didn't need to think about what way to go, because the decision was made for him.

The police officers maybe thirty feet away, next to their parked squad car, saw him. One had what was undoubtedly a photograph in his hands, because he looked at Tags, looked down at it, then looked back at Tags, eyes so wide they could've popped out. Then he shouted at his partner, "Hey, that's him! "

Tags watched the other cop do a double-take as he began to move, backstepping as the thought crossed his mind that he could just kill them, but if eyes weren’t on them right this second, causing a ruckus might change that, and then he'd really be fucked.

"Stop!" One of the cops yelled, but Tags had already turned and started running. "Police!"

"Yeah, no kidding," Tags muttered, the cops lost in the sound of his boots hitting the ground and the throb of his pulse through his neck.

He turned right at the intersection and very nearly ran into someone about to round the corner coming the other way, but his reflexes made sure that didn't happen. The world slowed to a crawl as Tags reacted faster than should've been possible, shifting his weight, sliding right by the civilian with only one corner of his jacket barely brushing them as it flapped out away from his waist.

That would've been it, that should've been it, but it wasn't, because even though Tags didn't care about some random person he only almost knocked over, he caught the guy's face in the corner of his eye. Even with his reflexes, it was just a tiny glimpse, not enough for real detail, but was enough for it to register in Tags' brain that this was someone he recognized.

Instincts and reflex betrayed him. Tags stopped before he could think enough to know that he needed to keep going, that he needed to ignore this, that it wasn't important. His boots skidded on the sidewalk and he froze, in shock as he looked at the face of the man he'd barely run by and it fully registered that yes, this was someone he knew, because what were even the fucking chances?

“Ty?” JD had been futzing around with his phone while he’d been walking, and he promptly dropped it while the color drained out of his face. If Tags looked shocked, then JD looked like he’d seen the horsemen and heard the trumpets sound. “ Ty? Wha- Ty fucking Roderick?! You were… and you… the news said…”

Terrorist, Tags mentally filled it in. It may have been the only thought in his brain at the moment. The news said I’m a terrorist.

Tags actually had seen the news call him that not long after he’d been recruited, although he’d seen it from the outside. It was probably for the best; the label was bad enough but every TV channel and paper rag had a field day talking about another former gay porn star being an absolute slimeball who went from a gross, toxic career to just breaking the law, because going from porn to terrorism was way more entertaining than if he’d gone from porn to robbing convienience stores. Seeing it from the inside would’ve been demeaning and depressing, seeing it from the outside had merely been embarrassing.

It was a lifetime ago and he’d long since learned not to dwell on how things were before, but here, now, imagining JD hearing that about it, wondering what had gone through his mind, hearing JD say his old name… discipline had its limits, and Tags couldn’t stop the dregs from sludging up. Right this second, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling. “JD, I…”

“Freeze!”

Reality caught up quick, because it only felt like time had stopped. Tags couldn’t even hate himself for completely forgetting the cops had been chasing him until they just now rounded the corner and leveled their guns at him; he felt far too much like an idiot for any self-hate.

“Ty, what the fuck,” JD had spun around to look at the cops and he didn’t get any more words out. The closer one pistol-whipped him across the face, yelling at him to get on the ground even though he’d already fallen from the blow.

The other one started walking up to Tags, gun pointed at his face. “Down on the ground! Down on the ground, asshole!” He was so out of breath from running that his yelling wasn’t as intimidating as he probably thought it was.

Thank christ they’re idiots, Tags thought, slowly raising his hands a little, shifting his weight like he was moving down. He didn’t need them to ignore procedure to get out of this, but it sure was easier than if they’d been smart and kept their guns on him from a distance while he laid down.

Tags moved in a flash the moment the officer was in arm’s reach, his posture going from the slack of shock he’d been in from seeing JD to calm and knowing, nothing but confidence and focus in even the slightest of movements.

The yelling for him to get down on the ground abruptly stopped when Tags grabbed the gun and twisted it, breaking the finger on the trigger. The man was so shocked he didn’t even scream, he just exhaled sharply from the shock of the pain and of how quickly he’d lost control of the situation. Moving to his side, Tags elbowed the guy in the head as he went, then planted his feet down and drew back before punching out with both fists, one at chest-height and the other lower. He didn’t pull it at all, his arms went all the way out despite the mere inches of space between the two of them. It sent the cop off his feet and into the wall of the building that JD had probably just exited from. He hit hard enough to smash an indentation into the bricks, breaking them all inward, before he fell to the ground, motionless.

The other one forgot JD existed, but Tags was on him immediately. A quick front kick and the gun was knocked clear out of his hand; to Tags’ mild surprise, the cop responded not by becoming even more shocked, but by trying to punch him in the face instead.

Tags leaned just enough to let the cop’s arm travel to the side of his head. Once the cop’s elbow was locked, Tags grabbed his arm with both hands and broke it with a quick wrench. Unlike his partner, this one actually did cry out from the broken bone, though Tags barely heard it. He let go and reached for the cop’s tie, yanking hard, making him lean down.

When Tags jumped, he cleared the other man’s height effortlessly, sailing over his head and twisting in mid-air like it was the easiest thing in the world for a man who looked a lot more like a football player than a gymnast. He didn’t let go and kept pulling as he landed, using the cop’s tie to yank him backwards off his feet. Tags didn’t move, though, he just pulled and bent his knees, leaning forward so the police officer didn’t fall, he just went up, practically onto Tags’ back, choking as his own tie strangled him.

Tags didn’t wait for that, he shifted his weight and pulled down hard. With little fanfare, the man’s neck broke. Finally, Tags let go, letting the dead man just flop to the ground. No what-ifs ran through his mind about what he’d done, only one thought; he hurt JD.

JD had seen this all, he hadn’t moved from where he’d been knocked to the ground. He’d been right next to the entire thing, and all he could do was stare up in shock, seeing Ty without a mark on him like nothing had happened; hell, his hair still looked freshly blow-dryed. “Wha- what the fuck… what... T- Ty?”

Tags hadn’t come down from the fight, such as it was. His face still had a look of intense focus, eyes like steel and brow turned down just enough for it to be clear he wasn’t fucking around. It was a look JD had seen on his face some time ago, under circumstances that couldn’t have been more different.

Too busy counting the seconds, Tags didn’t notice. Three… four… five… Adrenaline pumped through him from fear now instead of combat. Eight… nine… ten… He imagined it happening, imagined that JD was under surveillance and they could see him right now, and JD wouldn’t be JD anymore… Thirteen… fourteen… fifteen…

There were no hard and fast rules for deciding enough time had passed to make sure someone was safe to talk to, because they just worked under the assumption that no one was ever safe to talk to. Tags had enough self-awareness to hate himself for letting these feelings control him, feelings he’d come as close to forgetting as humanly possible until they came back from this completely bullshit occurance of luck. Bad luck.

Guilt for not doing what he was supposed to wasn’t enough for him to just start running, though. “Get up,” he moved and pulled JD to his feet; JD, for his part, neither resisted nor tried to get up himself. Getting over the shock of the last thirty seconds was going to take him longer. “C’mon! Move! ”

Dragging him into the space between the buildings, Tags was at least grateful that JD could stay on his feet. He shoved JD back against the wall; the space wasn’t quite large enough to be called an alley, though Tags glanced down it anyway to make sure it was free of bums and eyes in general. When he looked back at JD, his face finally softened and he just stood, so close he could see JD breathing, mouth hung open in silence because Tags only now realized he had no idea what he was even doing, let alone what he could possibly say.

“Ty, you,” JD was starting to remember how to talk, if only a little, “You killed them…”

“Shhh!” Tags raised a finger right to JD’s mouth, stopping himself from actually clapping his hand down over it like he really wanted to do when he heard his old name again. “Just…”

He realized, finally, that he probably scared JD more than anything. He felt like he towered towered over the man even though they were the same height just like he did when they’d had sex in front of a camera, and JD was tensed up in front of him, somehow cowering despite standing up against a wall. He’d never told JD he’d had feelings for him, hormone-driven as they probably were, because that was just asking for trouble. He’d never told JD that he’d stopped pretending he wasn’t bisexual after they’d filmed together because he finally knew he could have feelings for another man.

JD knew him as a guy he’d done some shoots with and was a casual friend at absolute best, because they got along just fine, but JD knew him as a selfish asshole. JD didn’t know the man who grew so fucking depressed because no matter how selfish he got, it was so painfully aware it wasn’t satisfying, he could never even pretend anything was enough like normal selfish assholes did. JD didn’t know the man who’d actually try writing poetry because there had to be some way to not just escape but to make it make sense, to wake up, to stop feeling like the whole world was a cage made of bad dreams...

JD knew him as Ty.

Tags knew the last time he’d heard that name he was still trapped in the Matrix, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember who had said it, or when.

“I wish I could tell you everything,” Tags finally blurted out. “I wish I could tell you where I went, and why. I wish I could tell you the truth , but you’d have to find me for that, and,” the words hurt before he even said them out loud, "I don’t think you can.”

He pushed himself up against JD’s chest and kissed him; it was quick, and simple, and… chaste. Tags told himself it was better than nothing.

His phone was in his hand as he stepped back, and he put it to his ear while he stared at JD with the saddest eyes JD had ever seen.

“Operator.” “Where the hell’s my exit,” Tags clenched his jaw and started moving away, forcing himself not to look at JD anymore.

“The hell are you doing,” his Operator practically yelled back, “Ditch the damn battery and get a move-on, are you trying to get killed?”

“Exit,” Tags barked. “Fuck’s sake!”

His Operator got the message. “Turn right on the street, two miles down at North Damen and Milwaukee. Front desk of the gym. There’s another squad-car you might have to deal with, just hurry up before the Agents get their thumbs out of their asses!”

“No problem, I’ll make it.” Tags hung up. Looking down the road, he tried hard to pretend that JD wasn’t still behind him, watching him disappear into the night after everything he’d just seen. The first step was the hardest, but he started walking, and then broke into a run.

A shift watching the monitors wasn't the worst thing in the world, and Tags didn't think he could sleep anyway. He could see himself in his bunk just fidgeting, reaching up to his chest, curling his fingers and pressing them to the spot where his dog-tags would have sat trapped underneath his shirt, if he was still inside. In the old life, he’d taken them off the day he left the military, and the idea of wearing them again had seemed idiotic… then he’d been freed. Damnedest thing, from moment one in the construct for training, they’d been part of his RSI. Stuck to him.

He resisted the urge to find JD for a few hours, but, eventually, he gave in.

JD had probably thought he wouldn't be able to sleep either, not after what had happened. Tags figured he must've underestimated how exhausting the excitement would be, because there he was, passed out on his couch. Looking adorable, except for the shiner on his face from where the cop had hit him.

Watching the encoded information pour down the screen, Tags got a better look at JD now that he wasn't in a hurry. The last five years had been kind to him so the industry hadn't chewed him up yet; he looked a little more masculine, with some stubble and a different haircut then Tags remembered, but he was still… small.

Running a hand over his head, over the buzzed hair and back down to the jack in back, glancing down at the plugs in his arm where he once thought he had tattoos, Tags tried to imagine JD being free, what he would look like, how he would handle it… and he closed his eyes, trying to will it away when he realized it wasn't something he wanted to think about at all.

When he opened his eyes again, Tags tapped at the screen to his left to shut it off, and let JD fade from view.

#rpf #iconmale #Ty Roderick #jd phoenix #romance #i guess #several tags omitted because it works better blind #nothing omitted from the trigger warnings though #fanfic #gay #af #cocky boys

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