#iamnotworthless

[deadbeatweird]

Sometimes I envision something, but it doesn’t always come along as I planned.

[theonesilovetendtoleavemebehind]

Discovering yourself often begins with discovering what you are not.

[im-just-here-for-moral-support]

A little about me

I was diagnosed with hsv-2 over a year ago. I was devastated. I was 21 with my whole life ahead of me, I had just met the perfect man we were together about 6 months at the time. I felt like my life was ruined. I had been a carrier for at least a year. Turns out that my birth control pills had been suppressing the outbreaks and I only found put after switching to the mirena. I was so scared that my boyfriend would think the worst. He would assume I cheated or assume I knew the whole time and hid it from him. I was scared he would leave or be mad. I remember telling him and crying when he just wrapped his arms around me. I was bawling I was telling him that he probably had herpes and HE was trying to support ME. I remember asking him why he wasnt mad at me and he said because I love you and I know that you didn't do this on purpose. I WAS LUCKY. Thankfully so was he. When he got tested a week later his results came back negative. I briefly considered leaving him so that I didn't infect him but decided to stay because he was so understanding and supportive.

The next step was contacting my ex to make sure he was aware and hopefully keep him from spreading it to any other people without their knowledge. He told me I was lying. He still doesnt believe me and refuses to get tested. That was the hardest part. Telling someone that I have hsv and having them call me a liar.

The doctor gave me my first dose of antivirals and told me that "hopefully" I wouldnt have another breakout for a while. Well I did. I have had a breakout every single month since then. I knew that all I had to do was go back and they would give me medication that would prevent the breakouts. I was just so ashamed, so embarrassed, that I couldn't even force myself to talk to my doctor about it. I still cant talk about it out loud without crying a little. I lived with monthly breakouts for over a year because I was too afraid of being judged to do anything about it. I just suffered in silence.

Slowly it started getting a little easier. I stopped thinking about it as much I suppose, but I still got monthly reminders. Very painful, miserable monthly reminders that made me hate myself.

This week I finally had the courage to go back to the doctor to be put on suppressive therapy. I was in the waiting room and they finally called my name to come to the back but when I looked up my heart stopped. The nurse that I had to talk to was someone I knew personally, someone that knew my whole family. I wanted to run and hide, but I didn't. He asked me why I came in and I thought about lying, but I couldn't. I started crying and he tried to assure me that there's nothing he hadn't heard before. That didn't help. I just kept telling him that it was hard because I knew him, but I finally managed to tell him why I was there.

This week has been the biggest setback since the initial diagnosis. This week I feel miserable. Afraid and ashamed for the first time in a while. I know that I have done nothing wrong. I know that this disease doesnt make me a whore or a bad person or worth any less than I was before. But this week its hitting me really hard. The worse part is I have no one to talk to about it. No one that will actually understand. No one who is actually going through what I'm going through. Just people that listen and say they're sorry for what I'm going through while I know in their head they're really thinking thank God it's my and not them.

#herpes #herpeslife #hsvpositive #hsv-2 #mylifewithherpes #iamnotworthless #stopthestigma #livingwithhsv

[slaywithjmckay-blog]

I've been really hard on myself in 2019. Making mental expectations for myself and the people I love that are impossible to reach. Which then in turn makes me feel like a loser. I cant make everyone happy. I've tried and it literally sunk me into the worst mental state I've ever been in. My new years resolution is to be kinder to myself. To just go witht the flow. To learn how to make myself happy then the rest will fall into place. God knows every move in my life. So im going to quit trying to control it. And let the lord use me to shine. #happy #happiness #2020 #newyearnewme #imatter #mentalhealthawareness #depressionsucks #nomoreanxiety #happywife #mom #momminainteasy #jesusismysavior #letthelorduseme #makeup #muawannabe #makeupideas #younique #sales #motd #lotd #makeuplook #follow4follow #illbethelight #jesuslovesme #iamnotworthless https://www.instagram.com/p/B6n2tnzhz23/?igshid=1fjtoe4m0k27p

[theoriginalfive]

iamnotworthless, shrekxorcist, and kneesockboi started following you.

Hi there friends.

[adotonawalk]

DIRK STOP BULLYING ME.  DIRK GET OFF OF MY DASH.

That drawing of Dirk, according to the source on the post, comes from - here-

[bigwidebambieyes-blog]

"worthless"

dont take it back. 

but dont expect me to continue to talk to you.

#notputtingupwithbullshitanymore 

[starrattlerofprydain]

iamnotworthless replied to your post

lol, is it wenis-butter? cause it’s liking mine too

Yeees. What's up with that? O__o

[velvetiia]

iamnotworthless replied to your post: The Fall Of Angels

very intriguing, i love how the narrator compares themselves to humans over michael’s actions. does “she” have a name?

The narrator is Lucifer and she is Azazael. This is taking place in Heaven before The Fall. Michael, Raphael, Abbaddon and Gabriel are all brothers of Azazael, but Abbaddon is her twin brother. :)