#i. jeez i did not realise quite how greasy he was until looking back at screenshots. fry an egg on his hair

[sigmabateman]

bullet head was definitely a movie

[wheres-everyone-going-bingo]

Ay, your writing! Is good! Mobster Kaiel here to say I'm talkin in a weird accent fo no reason otha than the fact I wrote ay and it's activated some sorta sleepa agent in me! Can I have some poly Wilford x reader x Yancy in which the bois continuously try to get reader to fall for them only to serenade em? Im soft over errreee!!!!

Late Night Serenade

Pairing: Wilford x Male Reader x Yancy

Warnings: none

—————-

Lifting up my blankets, I slid into them, taking pleasure in the comfort they provided.

“Hey Y/N!” A voice spoke, I yelped, falling out of bed. “Oh! Sorry didn’t mean to startle you” I looked up to be met with Wilford’s hand pulling me back to my feet.

“Wil, what are you doing in my house?” I asked the man in my bedroom

“Well you see, when you were talking to Bing, I may have taken your key and made a mold of it, and used that mold to make a key, and used that key to get into your house” He explained, waving his key around, obviously very proud of his craftsmanship.

“Oh uh okay then… So why are you here?” I rocked on the heels of my feet, looking around the room awkwardly.

“To see you, why else?”

“Uh alright, let me put normal clothes on and we can hang out downstairs” I offered, gesturing to the fact that I was only wearing a pair of boxers.

“Do you have to put normal clothes on, I quite enjoy the view?” Wilford said, making the blood rush to my cheeks. I shooed him out of the room, and told him to wait downstairs.

“Do you have any sugar?” Wilford asked as I descended the stairs.

“No, I don’t think so, why?” I tilted my head, making my way to the couch.

“Just confirming the fact that you had to throw it away cause you sat on it”

“Wilford what do you mean, I sat on-”

“Because you have a sweet ass” He chuckled to himself, joining me on the couch. I look at him wide eyed, trying to decipher whether he’s joking or not. I decided just not to question the man beside me, and faced the tv, flicking through the various movies and shows until we could both agree on something to watch.

Stretching out my arms, I let out a yawn, needing to go to sleep hours ago.

“You tired?” Wilford asked, looking at me concerned

“Yeah, I was going to go to bed a few hours ago but you came over? Why do you look so concerned?” After I said that Wilford jumped from the couch, the sudden movement made me jump.

“Sorry, sorry. You’re a bit jumpy aren’t you. I’ll try to calm down for you” He apologised, taking my hands in his, leading me to my bedroom.

Wilford opened the door, entering, still holding my hands.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about how you have to sleep. Time gets a bit confusing” He rambled, pointing to his head. I walked over to my bed, getting in it. I stared up at the pink moustached man above my bed

“Are you going to leave? I can’t really sleep with you above me” I told him, Wilford immediately apologized, leaving my room. As he left the room my exhaustion took over and I fell asleep, not noticing Wilford turning around to tuck me in and give me a kiss on my forehead before leaving.

----------

I walked through the crowded shopping centre. My eyes skittered from person to person, nervous about the suffocating crowd.

“Y/N, Earth to Y/N’s” I swung around in my panicked state, realising that Yancy was talking to me about something

“Sorry Yance, I zoned out” I nervously laughed, trying to cover up my anxious state. It obviously didn’t work as he gave me a worried look

“Are youse okay?”

“I-uh… not really?” I sighed, glancing around the crowd once more

“What's up with youse? The crowd too bigs for youse?” He asked, as I nodded “Okie, here, have this, it should keep youse safe” He smiled at me, pretending to pull something out of his pocket, revealing it to be his hand. I laughed at his corny antics, taking his hand nonetheless.

Resurfacing from the crowd on the other side of the mall, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Thanks Yancy, I don’t really do crowds” I said, rubbing the back of my neck

“Youse may not do crowds but youse could do me” Yancy said, quickly covering it up with a laugh. I tilted my head, silently questioning the sincerity of that comment. “Sorry Y/N youse just so handsome thats it makes me say things out louds sometimes” Yancy confessed, avoiding eye contact

“Thanks Yance, you’re very handsome too” I smiled, completely oblivious to his flirty intent. Yancy sighed, watching his pick up line go straight over my head.

“So how’s patrol treating you?” I questioned Yancy as we ate some fast food at a greasy table.

“It’s alright, muchs better because I get to see youse stunning face everydays instead of every third sundays for forty minutes” He answered, taking a sip from his fizzy drink.

“I think you mean worse” I chuckled to myself

“No, I’s mean better, youse face is what I’s sees in my best dreams”

“Thanks Yance” I laughed, taking it as nothing more than a friendly compliment.

---------

“I can’t take it anymore! He never takes what I say as flirting!” Wilford complained, doing his usual over pronunciation.

“The Host thinks that maybe Wilford should tell Y/N that Wilford loves him to his face as there is no way to take that as a friendly compliment” Host offered his advice to the crazed man sitting beside him. The door swung open with a loud bang as it his the wall, in the doorway stood Yancy, looking as frustrated as Wilford.

“Youse will not believes how clueless Y/N is” He announced, walking into the room and flopping dramatically onto the couch.

“The Host smiles to himself, already knowing this conversation all too well”

“Hey, who’s else is trying to get Y/N attentions?”

“I am” Wilford admitted in a sing song voice, his tone not matching the serious conversation.

“Hey looks, if youse help me outs with Y/N then we let hims choose between us, no fighting?” Yancy suggested, needing help with his dire situation, just wanting to make his feelings known even if they’re not requited.

After some brainstorming and advice seeking from the other egos, the pair had come up with a plan.

--------

I walked over to my night stand, placing a bottle of water on it. I was getting ready to go to bed when I heard music from outside my window. Confused, I walked over to the windowsill, looking out of it to see Yancy and Wilford at the bottom of my driveway. Before I could ask what the hell they were doing, Wilford started to strum the guitar that he held in his hands.

“I was alone so long

I didn't even know that I was lonely

Out in the cold so long

I didn't even know that I was cold

Turned my collar to the wind

This is how it's always been” Yancy sung, really putting his heart into it. I smiled down at the two men under my window, trying to figure out why they were singing to me.

“All I've ever known is how to hold my own

All I've ever known is how to hold my own

But now I wanna hold you, too” Wilford started to join in, his voice wasn’t as smooth as Yancy’s but you could tell he was trying.

“You take me in your arms

And suddenly there's sunlight all around me

Everything bright and warm-”

“Hey assholes! People are trying to sleep!” My neighbour shouted at Yancy and Wilford, clearly unamused by their loud night antics. I laughed, disappearing from view to unlock my front door.

I gestured for them to come in to continue their musical performance. They entered my home, Wilford starting to strum once more.

“And shining like it never did before

And for a moment I forget

Just how dark and cold it gets” Yancy continued, not at all affected by the fact he was interrupted.

“All I've ever known is how to hold my own

All I've ever known is how to hold my own

But now I wanna hold you

Now I wanna hold you

Hold you close

I don't ever wanna have to let you go”

“Now I wanna hold you, hold you tight

I don't wanna go back to the lonely life

I don't know how or why

Or who am I that I should get to hold you?

But when I saw you all alone against

The skies like I'd known you all along”

“I knew you before we met

And I don't even know you yet

All I know is your someone I have always known”

“All I know is your someone I have always known

And I don't even know you

Now I wanna hold you

Hold you close

I don't ever wanna have to let you go”

“Suddenly the sunlight

Bright and warm

Suddenly I'm holding the world in my arms” Wilford, sung, stumbling over a few lines, implying the fact that it was Yancy’s choice of song, confirmed by the fact that it was from a musical.

“Say that you'll hold me forever

Say that the wind won't change on us

Say that we'll stay with each other

And it will always be like this

I'm gonna hold you forever

The wind will never change on us

As long as we stay with each other

Then it will always be like this” They sang together, trying to stay in harmony, with one not being louder than the other. After they sang the last line they bowed, pretending to catch flowers from the crowd.

“Jeez you guys are old fashioned” I chuckled, the nerves starting to affect the two men in front of me.

“We uh, we just wanted to uh-” Wilford stumbled over his words, waving his hands about in wild gestures, trying to find the words he wanted to say

“We’s wanted to tell youse we’s love youse” Yancy continued for Wilford

“In a romantic way” Wilford added on, determined for me to not take it as a friendly comment. My face started to heat up at the confession, the reality of the situation kicking in.

“You guys… love me?” I questioned, wanting to make sure it wasn’t some kind of cruel prank.

“Yes, that’s why we’s always flirtin with youse” Yancy confirmed, Wilford nodding in agreement.

“Oh my god, I thought this whole time that you were just being friendly. I just didn’t think guys like you could like a guy like me”

“A guy like you? You mean the most breathtakingly divine man in existence?” Wilford spoke, gesturing to me, as if that would reveal to me how he saw me.

“So?” Yancy asked, waiting for an answer

“Oh yeah, uh I love you too” I replied

“Which one?” Wilford enquired

“Both? I love you both” This reply shocked the two men, but soon after they let out a sigh of relief, happy that one of them didn’t have to miss out.

“Good, we’s were thinkin we’s have to make youse choose” Yancy rubbed the back of his neck. I smiled at him shaking my head. I walked over to the pair, giving a peck on the lips of each one.