#i've still not managed to do more than 2 gifs of anything without getting mad at myself

[khaotunq]

if u look close during the community service scene, you will see 50 frames wherein Ray is actively deciding to google "how i get pregnate" when he gets home

[w3ap0n-0f-mass-d1v1n1ty]

Return of the Queen

Hey, hi, so um...I'm very new to tumblr and I have absolutely NO idea what I'm doing yet but... I've been working on this fanfic of Stranger Things and since I know a lot of people post fanfics on here I thought I might give it whirl. I tried looking up other people's to see how this is done here but just ended up confusing myself lol!

I don't have a word count or a synopsis right now because it's literally all just written in my notepad and I have no idea where I'm gonna go with it but I've written two and a half chapters so far and I'm gonna post them individually :)

As far as warnings go, this is what I would put for this chapter:

-Mild swearing -Losing a parent/Death -Very mild smut

Chapter One Every rose has its thorn; just like every night has its dawn

Monday; March 3rd, 1986 - Hawkins, Indiana

Well this is just fantastic. It's March, with 2 1/2 months left in the semester, and I've somehow managed to land right back here - in the last place on Earth that I want to be...

Hawkins High School

Leave it to my family to just completely fall apart in the 9th inning of my entire childhood career. High School is a drag as it is without having to uproot yourself at the end of your SENIOR year and go back to where it all started. I would have been fine! I'm 17. I'm old enough to make it on my own for 3 months...but no. Dear old Daddy made sure if anything happened to him before I turned 18 that I would go stay with his sister, my aunt Debbie. So here I am; back in bumfuck Hawkins, Indiana. When I was a little girl, and up until we moved away, I loved this town. I was so mad when he made us move...but now I miss Chicago. I really fell in love with the city during my almost three years there with my Dad, living in a small apartment just outside of downtown. It was hard at first to get used to such a change, but that all went away when I realized how much easier it is to go to concerts when you live in a major U.S. city! At my first one, Def Leppard was the headliner. We moved to Chicago in November of 1983 - 10 months after the release of Pyromania, so they were on tour. It was AWESOME! Just over a year later, I somehow managed to convince my VERY protective father to let me go to the Metallica concert while they were on tour for their Ride the Lightning album. I was hooked. Goodbye, Hawkins; hellooooo Chicago!

...Or so I thought.

Winter in the Windy City can be rough. It's cold, icy, and it's a big city which means it comes with big-city problems. We made it through the first one alright...but the second one, not so much. On February 14th, a huge thunderstorm rolled in just after lunchtime and it didn't let up the whole rest of the day. The temperature was way below freezing and had been for a couple of days. The roads were frozen and so were the people, but Dad still had to work so we could stay afloat. He had been sick for about a week. It started out as a cold but it got worse and didn't go away. He left early in the morning to go to work at 104.7 WCLF Radio Station as part of their janitorial staff. He worked all day, sick as a dog, because he was determined to make sure I was taken care of. He got off work around 5:30 that evening, and started down to his 1965 Pontiac Tempest. At 18 years old and with very little routine care, it was a miracle the damn thing started at all. It took 30 minutes just to heat up a little, and that wasn't even enough to unfreeze the windshield. Dad was in a rush to get home. He should have waited, but he didn't. I was always telling him it was better to wait for the windshield to thaw than to end up in a wreck but he didn't listen. He cleared it as much as he could with his scraper and the sleeve of his coat, like he always did, and headed home. Problem was, it was still raining and it was still below freezing. Combine that with not being able to see out of your windshield and...well...

No more Valentine's Day for me I guess.

I moved in with my aunt right after the funeral, and she took care of setting all my Dad's remaining affairs in order. What little inheritance he had saved for me is in a safety deposit box until I officially turn 18. I miss my Dad. I rag on him a lot because of the decisions he's made...but he was my best friend and my biggest supporter. My Mom - a drifter that rolled into Hawkins for a summer - took off as soon as she could safely get rid of me. I'm not sure if I want to believe that she knew she wouldn't be able to care for me and just elected to give me the best chance with my Dad or if she just hated me that much, but either way...she wasn't a part of my life. It was just me and my Dad. His brother and his sister helped of course. Gramma was gone by the time I was 5. She smoked like a freightrain for 40 years, so no one was really suprised when she booked it out of here early. Uncle Roger moved away about a year or two before we did. He's somewhere in upstate New York with a fancy, uppity wife named Stefani. Yes, StefAWHni...not Stephanie. Whatever, man. You know?

Great...I'm late for English. I knew I should have skipped breakfast this morning. Oh well, Mrs. Gerta will get over it. She's only about a million years old...maybe I'll get lucky and she won't even notice me coming in. It could be a lot worse...I could have had to walk to school. I got lucky in that regard. My aunt's...boyfriend? I don't think she was ever married...anyway, her partner passed away about 6 months ago leaving her with his 1977 Maserati Kyalami and enough money to buy her dream car and pay off her house. She was gonna sell his car, but she didn't really want to. So when I came to stay, license in hand, she decided to let me drive the Maserati until I can afford to buy my own wheels. It's not too shabby...but it's no Firebird either. I am grateful to have something though. Dad had promised me the Tempest as soon as he could get a new car...I almost ralphed when he told me but I knew better than to be ungrateful for a car, even if it was a piece of junk. Of course, it was totaled in the wreck. So I would have had nothing if not for Jim's Maserati and my aunt's generosity. I open the heavy, wooden door as gingerly as possible, trying to slip in undetected but...

"Miss Morrison!" Ah, shit...she saw me. Mrs. Gerta's shrill voice gained the attention of every pair of eyes in the room. "Glad you've decided to grace us with your presence. I would have thought after a week at our school you'd know your way around. Please, take your seat and begin reading your copy of The Great Gatsby in silence with the rest of the class. There will be a quiz over the chapters you should have covered at the end of the hour." I fumbled over a half-assed apology and sat down in my seat as quickly as possible. I loved English, but nobody could take something you love and turn it into something so non-triumphant like Mrs. Gerta could. She made it her life's mission to compete with all the girls in her class for the boys' attention. Grody. She's old enough to be our great-grandmother... I shiver at the thought. I'd rather just sit this class out. After English is History with Coach Foreman, followed by a stimulating Latin class taught by Mr. Smith, then Biology with Mr. Kloeck, then - at long last - lunch. At least at lunch I can put on my headphones and block it all out. The noise, the people...the memories.

The first week of school was an absolute drag. New hallways, new locker locations and combinations, new teachers with new names and attitudes, and COMPLETELY different classes. I wasn't taking any of the classes I had been taking in Chicago because...guess what? Horrid Hawkins didn't have any. Literally. No art, no choir, no drama for starters. No honors classes, which I previously mentioned. This place is awful. It could be much worse though. At least most of the people that I knew from before are gone now - graduated - and most of the ones my age, thank God, just don't remember me. I was suprised at first - given that it's such a small town and usually small towns have a hard time forgetting things or people... but when I heard about all the stuff that's been going on around here over the past few years, I could see where there could be a general kind of "out of sight, out of mind" mass dementia. Honestly, half the stuff I've heard I don't even know if I can believe. It all sounds so bizarre... I thought people were pranking me at first, until I saw the display case full of memorials from students who had died or disappeared. How anyone stays here is beyond me. I guess most of them are just resistant to change. Most people that live in Hawkins have been here their entire lives. Change isn't something most people like, especially in a small town. I think I'll just stick to school and my aunt's house. Nothing weird happening there and I have all the niche hangout spots I could ask for.

I passed the "quiz" with flying colors. Of course, I'm used to Chicago teacher's tests and I'd read The Great Gatsby once before...as a Freshman. Yeah, in Chicago I took the Honors classes - the ones Hawkins does not offer. So I'm in with the rest of the "normal" people and rereading this awful, depressing book. I mean, really...who wants to read about some guy going to all that trouble to get the girl, just to not get the girl? Gag me with a spoon! Besides, I'm not big into the mushy romance stuff anyway. History was a snooze-o-rama, but it's easy enough to get through. Biology is almost always intriguing, even if Mr. Kloeck is the biggest lame-o I've ever seen. Latin is harder. I won't say I didn't doze off a time or two. I probably would have slept through the whole class, but the kid that sits next to me - a freshman named Dustin - is hilarious! He does a good job of keeping me entertained when I can keep my eyes open. Today, he asked me about the ornate black, silver and ruby ring that I wear on a chain around my neck - which I immediately tucked into my shirt and declined to answer. He didn't bug me about it, thankfully, and then he started going on about his D&D club "Hellfire". He's so nerdy and cute in a little-brother kind of way. Once he gets talking about something he likes, he could go on and on for the entire class; which is great for me because I'm not much of a talker, so it's nice to have conversation with someone who just lets me listen. I love Dungeons & Dragons. I used to play all the time as a freshman with my own group... but I wasn't about to let him know that. No, sir. The less attached I get to people here, the better. As soon as I graduate, it's back to Chicago.

The rest of the day went by without a hitch. Lunch actually wasn't bad today. I sat in the back corner table like I always do and they were serving steak fingers with mashed potatoes and gravy and those delicious hot rolls that I love. I don't know how they make them but my GOSH they're good! After lunch, I have Algebra with Miss Schwitz. Lame. Then I get to play Library Aide for Ms. Rice which I absolutely adore. It's quiet, I get to listen to music, AND I get to read. I don't get bothered much in there because not many people really come in. It's most triumphant. Then I end the day in shop with Mr. Hendricks. It's not too bad. I like learning all the stuff in there because it helps me feel more independent - like I can take care of myself. You know? After all the crap I've been through, I don't ever want to have to depend on anyone again...

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

Sorry this snippet is later than the others! (Even though it's the first one I've managed to complete before sunset so far, but y'know.)

Hope you enjoy!

___

Terminal Case of the Ol’ Switcheroo [Part 3]

(Disclaimer: only one of the EgoPats in this snippet belongs to me. For more information about Caliban, go here. And if you’d like to learn about the mob he works for, go here.)

(One more thing: I’ve actually written a full character analysis on the dynamic between Mad and Caliban. If you’re interested, please feel free to check it out here.)

(Trigger Warnings: violence, blood/gore, knives/blades, implied kidnapping, talk of murder/death, mentions of cannibalism, mentions of illegal business, eating/drinking, implied stalking, strong language. Please let me know if I missed anything.)

Part 1  Part 2 Part 4 Epilogue

___

Ness wasn’t quite sure how long the newest fog of silence had hung in the air (his eyes still felt sore and swollen, but it’d been a while since his sobs had tapered down to hiccups, and then his hiccups down to steady breathing).

However, the way both he and Caliban flinched at the doorbell-esque text notification gave him an idea.

Without taking his eyes off the road, Caliban fished Ness’ phone from his pocket, passing it over. 

Ness gingerly took it, unlocking the screen; a small spark of relief managed to worm its way through his brain. 

“It’s from Mike,” he announced. “He says Jack just picked up Abby.”

Seeing Caliban raise a questioning eyebrow, he clarified, “My roommate, I mean. He’s a good guy—and with the distance between, he should just barely be back at the apartment by the time we get to Mike’s place.”  

“Let’s hope. We’re just about back to the woods. Still have a ways to go,” Caliban replied with a nod before holding out an expectant hand. 

Ness suppressed a sigh as he passed it back, anxiously pursing his lips as he watched the cannibal hide it away once more.

“. . .When exactly are you gonna let me hold onto it again?” He blurted. 

“When I’m able to hold onto my original target,” Caliban answered, using a chipper tone that just dripped with sarcasm. “Because then we’ll both get to go back to our lives: I get to enjoy some carnage to keep my reputation, and you get to pretend that none of this ever happened.”

Ness fidgeted in his seat, absentmindedly playing with Snare’s ears. The hare only encouraged this, craning his neck in order to keep his head touching the waiter’s palms. 

“I just—I feel like I’ve proven that I care more about helping you track that bear-onesie-psycho down rather than potentially ratting you out.”

Caliban snickered, a gleam of appreciation flickering in his eyes at the insult. “Yeah, well, that might be true, but I haven’t survived and climbed the underground ranks this long by being gullible.” 

“But you’re holding pretty much all the cards here,” Ness pointed out. “Your target looks similar enough to me to get a pass; as far as my immediate circle knows, I’m with Mike. Nobody saw you take me. Even if I were to try and call for help, odds are you’d find out, get rid of me, and cover your tracks before anything really came of it.” 

“There’s more to it than that.” Caliban clicked his tongue. 

Ness’ eyes wandered to focus on the glove compartment. He didn’t try to keep pressing (because that came with the risk of getting on Caliban’s nerves, and good things never happened to anyone who got on a contract-killer’s nerves. Especially a cannibalistic one).

But as he thought, he realized that he. . .sort of understood. 

By keeping him alive and giving him a chance to help, Caliban had already lowered his shields; from the sound of things, a bit more than he could usually afford to do. 

Pictures from the past flashed in Ness’ mind—memories of all the various places he’d lived before getting hired at Sparky’s, before moving into that apartment with Jack, before meeting Mike…

Various places with varying levels of safety or danger. 

Some had been surprisingly calm, while others had vibes that were on-par with, say, a malfunctioning garbage disposal. 

He hadn’t just been rambling to stall for time back in Caliban’s den: he’d seen a thing or two in his life. He’d caught glimpses of illegal business, of the secretive world that existed just below the surface of normal society, right under the authorities’ noses. 

But as dark and sinister as that world was, it still had rules.

Sometimes it was hard to distinguish the rules made for them, and the rules made for outsiders like Ness. But one thing was always, always clear: so long as you were quiet and kept from sticking your nose where it didn’t belong, you’d be fine…for the most part. 

A little voice in Ness’ head chastised him for that thought.

Oh, yes. The same guy who made a legit red-string-corkboard on all the rumors about that old animatronic-pizza-jamboree-creepshow knows when to just let sleeping dogs lie. Why, you’re the last bastion of looking the other way!

Another little voice popped up in Ness’ defense.

Freddy’s has been dead for years. It’s just another thing for the true crime books. Not like it harms anyone to try and study the place’s history—BuzzFeed Unsolved does that all the time, and Shane and Ryan are doing great! Just because the stories are so tragic…and the fact that one nightguard went missing on his first shift…and the way Mike always goes pale and won’t make eye-contact at mere mention of the place…that doesn’t mean…

Damn, he really just couldn’t win tonight, could he?

Thankfully(?), that particular train of thought met with spontaneous combustion when Caliban spoke up again.

“Hey, can you grab something from the backseat for me, please?”

“Uh…sure, sure.” Ness, caught off-guard as he was, obliged, pretzeling himself around the side of his seat.

“The white pack,” Caliban clarified. “Right next to the duffel bag.” 

It took no time at all for Ness to find the object in question—it looked like one of those lunch totes he always saw at the stores. He grabbed the handle that had been sewn to the top, lifting it up and setting it down on the center console. 

It was only then that he saw the words on the container’s side, set in a bold, dark red font:

HUMAN ORGAN FOR TRANSPLANT

Ness’ heart dropped. His stomach began to churn with fear and revulsion. 

Oh God, he thought. OhGodohGodohGodohGod, not again. . !

He shuffled to the far-side of his seat, practically leaning against the passenger door, shakily clearing his throat. “O-okay, there it is.” 

“I can’t open it without swerving the car, can I?” An eye-roll was evident in Caliban's tone.

Something cold and clammy coiled its way about Ness’ ribcage. Swallowing the bile that had manifested in his throat, he slowly reached over to the white pack’s zipper. 

What could possibly be inside this thing? Tongues? Appendices? Stray chunks of skin carved from arms or legs or torsos? More finger-treats for Snare?

Against his better judgement, Ness thought back to the Anat. & Phys. course he’d taken in college. The pack wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t tiny, either—and excepting the lungs and intestines, most human organs were somewhat smaller than one might think. The average liver was comparable a football. Kidneys typically grew to the length of your palm. Hell, a person’s heart could only be about the size of both their fists combined!

Ness knew he couldn’t just let himself get sick. 

He knew that if he wanted to protect Mike and Abby, then he needed to cooperate until he could change places with that monster. 

He also knew that the safest cannibal (which was the oxymoron to end all oxymorons) to be around was one that had already been fed. 

Still…it’d been years since he’d done anything even remotely like this. And the questionable comfort only got colder because that one instance had been dissecting a fetal pig in that very same college class.

Could Ness try to find something to cover his hands? He doubted there’d be any latex gloves in the glovebox, but then again, considering both Caliban’s habits and his affinity for puns—

“Sometime before New Years, please,” Caliban mentioned, drumming his fingernails against the steering wheel.

Ness’ trembling hands rested on the white pack. He grit his teeth, turning his head away, preparing to wrench his eyes shut. He braced for that infamous metallic stench to seep into the air, for the faint-yet-unmistakable sound of slick tissues quivering against one another.

(Although…how exactly would the organs be kept in this scenario? It was clear that they would decidedly not be used for a transplant anytime soon, unless winding up between someone’s teeth and in their stomach was a somehow its own type of technical transplant. There was no way Caliban hadn’t already cooked them; would that make their texture more dry, or..?)

Ness shook his head, fighting the nausea and silently cursing himself out for asking questions that he already knew he didn’t want the answers to.

The soft growl of the pack’s zipper seemed so much more deafening and slow-moving than it had any right to be, but Ness still guided it on its track around the top with such speed and force that it was a wonder he didn’t rip it right out of the fabric. 

The pack’s lid popped open with a light crinkling sound, and he tore his hands away as though he’d been trying to defuse a bomb.

“Thanks,” Caliban said, his tone a little brighter than before. 

In his peripheral vision, Ness saw the cannibal reach into the pack. 

Before he could stop himself, he was watching him fish out something very small, covered in bright red skin that glistened in the dim moonlight that was still filtering in through the car windows.

Before he could clamp a hand over his mouth to try and suppress the upcoming gag, however, he noticed a tiny patch of green pinched between Caliban’s fingers…as well as how the morsel was covered in little yellow seeds…

Ness almost physically felt the presence of a buffering wheel manifest right above his head like an angel’s halo. 

Caliban raised the snack to his mouth, his teeth sinking into it with a uniquely soft crunch.

That crunch, the pinkisk-white pulp inside, the tiny drops of red juice…

Those all contributed to how it took at least ten whole seconds of shocked blinking to convince parts of Ness’ brain that it really was just a strawberry and that his fear-addled senses hadn’t cooked up any hallucinations (yet). 

As he chewed, Caliban glanced at Ness out of the corner of his eye. Seeing the look on his passenger’s face, he just barely swallowed that first bite in time to avoid choking as he began to cackle.

“I got you, didn’t I?” Caliban crowed as he deposited the strawberry’s top into a small garbage bag that hung just below the steering wheel. “It’s usually better when I can play tricks with the fun stuff, but damn!” 

He reached back into the pack for another strawberry. Ness’ eyes followed along with the movement, and he saw…a collection of completely normal food. Fruits and vegetables. Lunchmeat that was actually legal since it’d clearly come from a turkey or chicken or cow. 

Ness’ brow furrowed a bit. It was so strange to feel blindsided by something that was so casual.

“Just needed a little sugar,” Caliban continued once the quote-unquote hilarity of the situation wore off.  “Oh, and there should be spinach in the bottom—give some to Snare. He’s been needing a little extra iron lately.” 

Ness numbly nodded, searching through the pack until he found a ziplock baggie of dark green leaves. 

Snare perked up, quickly taking the leaf he was offered and munching on it in a very adorable way.

“I feel like you gave him plenty of iron a while ago,” Ness murmured, thinking back to Caliban’s den, to that severed arm, to the fingers…

“Sure, but you can’t just get all your nutrients from one source alone. You’ve gotta keep everything balanced and varied,” Caliban explained. He then raised an incredulous eyebrow in Ness’ direction. “What, did you really think I eat nothing but people?” 

“...Maybe just a little bit?” Ness replied, the words leaving his mouth before his brain could authorize them. He rushed to add, “If you really want to be fair here, I can’t be blamed for that! Once you see someone eating an arm, everything else just kinda goes out the damn window!”

Caliban shrugged, waving a hand dismissively. “All I’m hearing is that you’re the type to judge a book by its human-skin cover.”

“Yes, I am! I try not to most of the time, but I think I get a pass for when someone feels the need to add human-skin to that metaphor!” Ness contended. 

“Hey, just be grateful it’s about a book,” Caliban replied. “Books are small. Imagine if that saying was about a house’s wallpaper.”

Ness’ shoulders slumped. He leaned back in his seat, engaging in a staring contest with the car ceiling. 

Caliban snickered. “Yeah, let that roll around in your head for a little while.”

And so Ness did. The terrifying idea still lingered even as they finally reached the woods that looked so foreign despite the fact that he’d only gotten lost in them a couple hours ago. Even as he explained the directions to Mike’s place. 

It only seemed to let up when Caliban was maneuvering the car onto a somewhat more familiar road.

“...Look, weird stuff has just been on my mind, okay?” Ness eventually muttered. “The trends certainly haven’t helped.”

“‘Trends?’” Caliban echoed.

Ness hesitated before answering, “Yeah. Y’know, the carnivore diet and all that stuff the online gurus are preaching.” 

Caliban squinted at nothing in particular for the next few seconds, mulling this over before recognition and disappointment flared in his eyes. 

“Ah, right. All those guys being dumbasses and giving themselves legit scurvy because they’re convinced that eating anything without a face will make them all sOfT aNd SqUiShY aNd gAy!” He shook his head, heaving a guttural sigh. “Just makes actual butchers like me look bad.”

Due to fact that most butchers (hopefully) didn’t practice the same way Caliban did, Ness was extremely surprised to hear a light laugh bubble up from his throat. But it did, along with a tiny memory that he never would’ve expected to flash in his mind at a time like this. 

“Ironic. Reminds me of some teacher back in highschool,” Ness blurted, “who tried his hardest to tell me that I was attracted to other guys because I just wasn’t eating enough vegetables.”

Caliban gave pause, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. It truly seemed to be the first time all night that he’d been left briefly speechless. “. . .No. Nuh-uh, no way! You can’t be serious!”

“I am,” Ness insisted. “It was a small school in a small town. He really thought being queer was some chemical imbalance caused by lack of certain vitamins.”

Caliban blinked, then sputtered a laugh that was nothing like the mirth he’d shown before. It was clearly a cope-laugh, more flabbergasted than unhinged. 

“. . .Oh my God, why are people so stupid?” He wondered aloud, his face twisting into a cringe-smile.

“Search me,” Ness replied with a small lame gesture.

Fear still had a stronghold over his heart and lungs, but this made it seem to loosen its grip just a teeny-tiny, eensy-weensy bit. He wasn’t sure why, but he certainly wasn’t about to complain.

Caliban continued driving, making sure to avoid the warm, flickering glow of the streetlights here and there. Ness began to recognize more and more of his hometown: the park, the animal shelter, restaurants that were bigger than Sparky’s and yet somehow had less personality. 

Another silence settled over them. This one wasn’t quite as tense as the last, but Ness was certain that would change. 

In fact, his filter decided to malfunction and make it change, because he found himself timidly asking, “What does it taste like?” 

Caliban titled his head to the side, a mischievous grin creeping over his features. “What does what taste like?”

Ness immediately wanted to take those words back, but he couldn’t. He wanted to just keep his mouth shut and abandon these new vibes altogether, but the odds weren’t in his favor. “...You know.”

Caliban pursed his lips with a sarcastic hum. “I don’t know, actually. Context is key; go ahead and clarify.” 

Ness folded his arms across his chest, trying to send all the regret and discomfort he’d brought on himself into his reflection. Because if his reflection was conscious, it’d probably be very smug at his plight while it was lucky enough to not have to deal with things like this.

“Fine, fine. Don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of it—morbid curiosity’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Caliban chuckled.

Considering morbid curiosity was probably at least somewhat to blame for Caliban’s eating habits, Ness couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. 

“It tastes amazing. Delicious, prime-grade, top-tier gourmet stuff,” he began. “You can’t exactly place it, but it feels like…like eating a strand of liquid electricity, or molten gems. Your heart races, your mind spins. Your teeth feel sharper and stronger.  No two cases are the same: one body might have a sweet aftertaste. Another might be saltier than you’d expect. The experience always manages to be unique. I do like some other types of meat, but that’s what really makes human so much better than anything else.” 

Caliban sighed happily, eyes glinting like those of a ravenous hyena prowling in the dancing shadows of a bonfire. “And don’t even get me started on the texture. Sometimes it can be a gamble, but as long as you know what you’re doing, you can make it so. Damn. Tender.”

Ignoring how that technically only answered a quarter of his question, Ness shakily nodded.

“...Does it really taste like pork?” He inquired. He tried not to be too obvious with how he squirmed in his seat, because WHY, why in the fresh hell did his impulse to learn have to act up now, of all times?!

“If by that you mean a thousand times better than pork, then yes.” Caliban proclaimed. “I guess there is some similarity with the flavors, but once you’ve had enough experience…” He trailed off, a jagged-yet-silvery chuckle leaking through his jaws. 

“I–I guess I can see that,” Ness tried. He seriously, honestly couldn’t—and he was glad he couldn’t, thank you very much. But part of his brain reminded him of the different culinary practices in other countries. 

Hell, the States seemed to be the only place on Earth where insects weren’t considered delicacies, or even just casual street-food. If you ate anything for a long enough time, you’d get adjusted to it. That was just how things like taste worked. 

(Except for the part about how they shouldn’t sometimes, but he wasn’t going to bring that up right now.)

“I mean—I’ve just heard some historical professors say that people way back when called it long pig.”

Caliban hummed affirmative.

“But…well, it still really can’t be compared to anything in grocery stores,” Ness continued. The awkwardness was agonizing at this point, but there was no stopping that anyway. Not on a night like tonight. 

“You’re damn right it can’t,” Caliban replied, his eyes growing wide and contemplative. “Have you ever taken a good, close look at those slabs of ham in the deli?” 

Ness had no idea how to respond to that, but Caliban interjected before he could even try to think of a way.

“They have no bones, fat, or connective tissue. They’re amalgamations of the meat of several pigs—emulsified, strained, and inexorably joined into unholy meat obelisks.”

Caliban snarled, clicking his teeth together. “Whatever higher being rules over the universe, I guarantee that it has no hands in the creation of abhorence like that. The very fact that those ham monoliths exist is proof that any god out there is either dead, too afraid to alter their own elements, or just ignorant to the horrors of this world.”

He reached up to knead at his temple, as though his brain was about to bash its way out of his skull. “Those prisms of pork in the stores aren’t just deli meat. They’re physical declarations of mankind’s contempt for the natural order. They’re hubris manifest.”

Snare, like a good, emotionally-tuned boy, moved from Ness’ lap to stand on the center console. There, he carefully leaned against his owner’s arm, almost in the semblance of a side-hug.

Part of Ness felt the urge to ask if Caliban had rehearsed all of that sometime before the events of this evening. Ness pushed it aside, because frankly he'd had just about enough of all the existentialism.

And yet…

“So, do the low sodium varieties make that situation any better, or..?” He wondered. 

All the deep, unnerving rage that had laced Caliban’s voice like some kind of horrific drug-cocktail up and vanished. To that last question, he merely shrugged with a non-commital, “Meh.”

Ness chewed his lip and sighed. He turned away, propping his elbow against the passenger door and resting his cheek on his hand. 

But any slight relaxation never really had a chance to kick in. 

(That would be cheating, wouldn’t it?) 

Because as Ness looked for all the world through the window, he realized the car was now slithering through an area that was even more familiar to him than the others. 

A small neighborhood that, while pretty calm and tidy for the most part, could somehow still be described by the term scruffy-looking. A precious few houses were two-story, but most of them were smaller, having been built on slab foundations with ranch-style architecture. 

Especially one that the car was growing closer and closer to.

One whose exterior walls had a white brick trim, having been painted a calm shade of grayish blue that fit well with the green door on its small front porch. 

Mike and Abby’s house. 

“Is this the place?” Caliban asked, his voice low and careful.

“...Yes,” Ness replied, straightening his back like a solider called to attention.

Home, a voice whispered from somewhere in Ness’ chest. Home, home, home…

Did it really count as his home? He’d stayed over there quite a few times, but he and Mike had agreed that they weren’t ready for such a big step as moving in together. 

Not yet, at least. 

I hope to God we can still have that chance after this. The thought seemed to ache, like the first pangs of a head-cold. I hope to God. 

He blinked, and the car was suddenly at the street corner. Not too far from the house, but not too close, either. A chill raced down Ness’ spine as soon as the engine stopped rumbling. 

Caliban picked Snare up and gently set him down in the backseat. “You stay here, buddy. Maybe you can get in on the action later, but right now, you stay. Got it?”

The pale hare titled his head and sneezed, which was probably a close enough answer. 

Caliban took another moment to dig through his duffel bag, fishing out an assortment of sharp things that glinted in the shadows and sliding them into the interior pockets of his leather jacket. After that, he returned his attention to Ness.

Adrenaline was obvious in his dark eyes, but something else was flickering in there as well. Ness wasn’t sure he could read it. 

“...Ness,” Caliban announced. 

Ness flinched; something prickly seemed to manifest in his guts. This was the very first time the cannibal had actually said his name. 

“Look, before we go in, you need—”

“I won’t let Mike see you,” Ness interjected. “No matter what happens, I’ll keep him in the dark. I–I promise!” Ness hoped his honesty was clear. It didn’t matter if they weren’t on the best terms right now. He was not going to let Mike get hurt. Not when he was so close to returning to him. 

“It’s not just that.” Caliban shook his head solemnly. “We can hope for the best right now, but we also need to prepare for the worst.” He licked his lips thoughtfully. “I can’t afford to let you go until I have that dirtbag where I want him. And I really need you to understand that.” 

Ness’ heart ever-so-slightly sank. Fear festered in his veins. 

What could go wrong? How quickly would things move?

What if they were already…

A stinging, burning sensation almost took root in his eyes, but Ness squashed it down. He ground his jaw, feeling his knuckles turn white. 

If he wanted to go back to his normal life, then he needed to go along with this. 

“Fine,” he said with a nod. “Whatever it takes.”

Caliban nodded back. With that, he hauled the driver-side door open and stepped out. 

Ness followed suite. The cool nighttime air felt so fresh. 

The two of them strolled down the sidewalk at a quick, quiet pace. 

“Any entry-points besides the front door?” Caliban murmured. 

Ness nodded. “There’s a side-door in the kitchen. I think it used to be some kind of closet? No idea why it was modeled that way, but it’s there.” 

Caliban sucked his teeth. “Not as discreet as I’d like, but it’ll have to do.” 

Time seemed to slow down as they approached the house. The lawn muffled their footsteps as they crept around to the side. True to Ness’ word, a door stood waiting just before the backyard fence.

Ness realized too late that he didn’t have a key, but that turned out to not really be a problem. Caliban reached into his jacket and produced two tools that honestly resembled a combination of scalpel and crochet hook. With expert hands, he pushed their edges into the keyhole, turning his wrists here and there to maneuver them until a soft click rang through the air. 

With the lock now thoroughly picked, he grasped the doorknob and turned it slowly. Miraculously, the door didn’t wail with a high-pitched creeeeaaaak when he pushed it open. It made Ness wonder if Mike had finally gotten around to oiling the hinges. 

Caliban slipped inside, Ness right on his heels, leaving the door open just a crack with very clear intention. 

The space they’d entered was a cramped little compartment right in the corner of the kitchen. From where he stood, Ness could see some of Abby’s crayons still littered about her side of the table across the room. Something sharp and rough scraped against his lungs.

She’s not here, he reminded himself. She’s with Jack. She’s safe; she won’t have to mixed up in any of this. 

Caliban kept moving; hell, he almost seemed to glide along the floor with all that terrifyingly quiet speed. Ness tried to keep pace—only to nearly collide with the cannibal when he suddenly halted just before the dining room’s threshold. He held up a hand, silently commanding Ness to stop moving as well. He glanced at the waiter over his shoulder, then nodded toward the next room. 

Ness took a deep breath before glancing around the other man. 

It took everything he had not to scream, not to sprint all the way back across the kitchen. 

The living room, as usual, as in a state of function chaos. One of Abby’s famous blanket forts took up space in one corner, just beside the television setup. A few of her well-loved stuffed animals lingered around the coffee table, which sat directly in front of the sofa. 

Through the darkness of the house, he could just make out the silhouette of Michael Schmidt draped along said sofa, unconsciously stirring under the weighted blanket Ness had given to him last Christmas, his chest rising and falling as he dreamed.  

And hovering beside the couch’s armrest, looming over him…

Ness’ stalker. 

The same man he’d seen in the parking lot back at Sparky’s. 

The same man who’d left all those horrifying packages for him to open.

The same man who’d signed each of the gruesome, nonsensical letters he'd sent with the name Mad.

Even with his back to him, Ness recognized him automatically. 

It didn’t even take long for him to see the bloodstains marring the fabric of that godforesaken bearsuit. 

He was rocking back and forth on his heels, shoulders shaking. 

If Ness concentrated, he could almost hear…something. The maniac’s voice was too low, too soft to for him to make any sense of his words. Was he talking to himself? Did he think Mike could hear him?

All questions sank through the floor as Ness’ gaze wandered down, giving him ample time to see something clutched in Mad's gloved hands. 

His instincts already knew without a single shadow of a doubt what it was. He didn’t even need to wait to see it caught the light with a metallic gleam. 

A knife. 

THIS MONSTER WAS STARING AT HIS SLEEPING BOYFRIEND AND FIDGETING WITH A GODDAMN KNIFE. 

Heart painfully writhing in his throat, Ness looked back at Caliban. 

Caliban simply gestured over to the corner of the nearest wall. 

The message was clear: Don’t let him see you.

Ness cradled his arms together, only realizing just how badly he was shaking when he dug his nails into his own skin. He nodded, backing away until he was, for the most part, out of sight. 

He still had a vantage point into the living room; even if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have been able to keep himself from watching.

He watched as Caliban stalked over to the other killer, each step cautious and deliberate, his heartbeat ringing in his ears so much that he felt compelled to count each tick of the rhythm. He didn’t even bother questioning how his mind could keep up with the speed of that organic drum.

It almost reminded him a scene from a nature documentary he’d watched a couple months ago: it’d revolved around a snake hunting a wild rat. 

Thirty heartbeats

He remembered how the rodent had clearly seen the snake approaching, only to be pitifully frozen in place. 

Forty heartbeats

It was as though the snake’s piercing eyes had truly drilled holes into its prey’s brain as it crawled closer and closer, moving with such patient, sadistic slowness until the very last second…

Fifty heartbeats

…And then it finally rushed forward, wrapping its jaws around the rat’s neck and thrashed, pinning it to the ground as it wound its coils around it. 

He watched as Caliban came to stand directly behind Mad. 

He held his breath as Caliban slowly outstretched his hands, his fingers almost resembling a clutch of claws in the dark. 

Sixty heartbe—

In a swift, fluid blur of movement, Caliban used one hand to clamp Mad’s mouth shut and force his head up. The other hand, meanwhile, wrenched around Mad’s side, pinning his arms to his torso, not allowing him any true reach with that knife.

Mad immediately started struggling. He swayed back and forth, kicking his legs, frantically shaking his head to and fro to try and escape Caliban’s grip. But it was obvious that Caliban was no stranger to snatching people up. 

Somehow still managing to be relatively quiet, the cannibal dragged the stalker away from Mike, away from the couch, out of the living room and into the kitchen.

As soon as the two of them passed by, Ness’ muscles screamed for him to move. He just barely caught a glimpse of Mad’s eyes—they were bloodshot, rolling about in his head, wild and furious. Caliban’s eyes held an energy that was pretty much the same. 

All at once, Ness’ stealth got the hell out of Dodge. 

He raced into the living room, nearly tripping over his own feet as he skidded to a stop by the sofa. 

Not a second too soon, one of those infamous full-body twitches paid Mike a visit. His features twisted into a light grimace as his deep brown eyes fluttered open. His mouth gaped open in a yawn; his expression grew less and less bleary as he blinked in Ness’ direction. 

“...Ness?” Mike asked, propping himself up on his elbows, his voice still rough with sleep. “Is everythi—”

He’d been mid-stretch when Ness cut him off, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in the crook of his neck. 

A few long seconds jeered at the couple before Mike reciprocated.

“Ness?” He repeated, gently tapping the other man’s back. “What’s up?”

Ness couldn’t answer right away. He wanted to, but when he opened his mouth, a tiny sob was all that came out. Another followed…and another…and another…

Mike didn’t seem to hear them at first, but he definitely picked up on it as his boyfriend’s shoulders started shaking in the way that could only be connected to one particular emotion. 

“Hey–wait, why are you crying?” Mike shuffled in Ness’ hold, craning his neck to make eye-contact. Confusion turned to worry at breakneck speed.  “Are you still upset about what happened earlier? Oh God, I should’ve known—I’m so sorry—”

“No!” Ness finally found his voice again. It took so much effort to keep his pitch down. “No, that’s not—I’m over it, okay? I-it’s water under the bridge, trust me. I’m—” He hiccuped, thinking back to the sunset-stroll that had put everything into motion.

What had he and Mike even been arguing over? It felt like weeks had passed since then.

It didn’t matter. 

It didn’t matter what had started it or who had raised his voice first or who was in the wrong. 

All that mattered was that Ness kept holding onto Mike at least until Abby was ready for highschool. 

“I’m just so happy to see you,” Ness murmured, tears quickly meeting their end against Mike’s shoulder. “I’m so happy that—that you’re safe.”

Mike stayed quiet for another few seconds. Then, in spite of his obvious disorientation, a small smile etched its way across his features. His hand found one of Ness’, and he linked their fingers together. “Of course I’m safe. And you are, too.”

Ness nodded with a little more force than he probably should have. He scrubbed the tears away and tried to smile back. 

This was it: he was back home. His found-family was safe. Everything would go back to norm—

TSHSSHSK

The sound of shattering glass stabbed through the air. 

Both of them froze in place at the exact same time.

Two mouths dropping open.

Two pairs of eyes bulging from their sockets. 

And then Mike was on his feet, rushing past Ness, who tried to get in front of him before he reached the dining room…but it was too late. 

Mike and Ness however in the kitchen doorway.

The room appeared quite empty at first. But the mess of glass shards glinting devilishly on the counter, in the sink, on the floor seemed to be mocking them. The jagged hole in the kitchen’s main window didn’t help matters at all.

“...Holy shit,” Mike breathed, reaching up to tangle his hands in his hair. “Holy shit, someone tried to break in!”

He raced over to the sink, narrowly avoiding stepping on the broken glass, trying to look through the window and into the weed-infested alleyway outside. 

Ness, meanwhile, moved to stand between Mike and the side-door alcove. He got the feeling that his boyfriend wouldn’t react to well to a stranger hiding over there. Especially considering how said stranger had managed to climb up the former closet space’s walls and was now straining to hold himself up right against the ceiling. 

A flood of different emotions could be seen in Caliban’s eyes: rage, anxiety, desperation for his wrists and ankles to not give out for at least another minute or two.

Ness held up his hands in a defensive gesture, trying to show that he’d keep his word.  

Thank God Mike was too preoccupied to notice. 

“We need to get someone over here!” Mike shouted. “We need to call—!”

“NO,” Ness interrupted him once again. “No, we can’t!”

He saw Caliban’s eyes grow even wider than before. He desperately gestured for him not to panic (though he already knew it was too late for that).

He couldn’t afford any cops getting involved right now. 

That would only make things much, much worse. 

“Why the hell not?!” Mike replied, his voice shooting up several octaves. “Aren’t you seeing any of this? Imagine if Abby had been here when it happened!”

“But she’s not!” Ness insisted. “She’s somewhere safe, and we can defend ourselves just fine!”

“That doesn’t make things any better!” Mike argued. “Aren’t you the one who's always saying that we need to watch our backs around here?!”

Ness stammered, trying to lead Mike out of the kitchen, away from Caliban. “No, we—we can’t—I need—!”

Concern washed over Mike’s face. He slowly began shaking his head, suddenly stepping in front of Ness and back into the living room.

“Something isn’t right,” he declared. 

YEAH, NO KIDDING! a voice in Ness’ mind hollered.  

Mike heaved a shaky sigh. “Look, panicking won’t get us anywhere.” He turned away, walking down the hall at a quick pace, gesturing for Ness to follow. “Let’s—let’s just go to my room, okay? We can barricade ourselves in there, and once we’re both calmed down enough—”

His voice was quickly muffled by the distance, but the sound of shoes roughly touching down against the kitchen’s linoleum floor was a strong replacement. 

Ness saw a flash of dark red leather before one of his wrists was locked into a vice-like grip. And then he was being tugged along just like he had been a few hours ago. 

Through the kitchen, out the side-door, down the concrete path outside. The world was a blur around him until he was tossed back into a car that was still so foreign. 

A rapid string of colorful words burrowed into his ears as Caliban took his seat behind the wheel, twisting the key in the ignition. By the time Ness finally registered what just happened, they were already speeding out of the neighborhood. 

“...What THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” Ness shouted, twisting his neck to look through the back window as though Mike’s house hadn’t already vanished in the distance.

“I waRNED YOU EARLIER,” Caliban snapped back, glaring at him for a split-second before looking back at the road ahead. “We had to prepare for the worst, and the worst just happened! That son of a bitch GOT AWAY!” 

Ness’ heart plummeted. “What if he’s going back to Mike’s?! What if he—”

Caliban cut him off again, furiously shaking his head. “I saw him running off down that alley; I know where he’s headed, and it’s not back there!”

In the midst of this new chaos, a flash of white shuffled around in the backseat. Snare hopped up onto the center console, nose twitching a mile a minute. His long ears were pinned back, his dark amber eyes wide—there was no doubting that even he knew something had gone wrong.

A couple more deep, ragged gasps for air leaked through Caliban’s clenched teeth. He kept a fist curled around the steering wheel for another few seconds, then lifted it away to absentmindedly stroke Snare’s back. 

Ness stared, unable to get any words out, still terrified beyond almost anything. 

Eventually, Caliban rolled his shoulders and clicked his tongue. He didn’t look any calmer than before, but he still seemed a bit less on the verge of literally biting someone’s head off. 

“I know where Mad’s headed,” he repeated. “But he has to get there on foot—we’ll beat him to it, no problem. We’re going to Plan B.”

“. . .What do you mean?” Ness finally asked, his voice giving the impression that he’d swallowed a whole sheet of sandpaper. “How do you know?” 

“They say the criminal always returns to the scene of the crime. One way or another.” A sharp, bitter chuckle gnashed at the air on Caliban’s part. “Been there, done that. Mad has no attachment to anywhere else in this town. Going by what you told me earlier, there’s only one place here that’s significant to him.” 

He glanced at Ness again. A shiny, dangerous grin was spreading on his face like a pool of blood. Mayhem sparked in his eyes. “You still have a key to Sparky’s, right? He's doing all this crap because he's mainly focused on you. And that diner is the place he's seen you most often. He's already made up some weird plot involving you; in his head, it just makes sense that you'd be over there. Even in the middle of the night.” 

Understanding came crashing down. 

Ness nodded, his eyebrows on a collision-course for Mars as he subconsciously reached down to his pocket, feeling the familiar shape tucked away inside. 

“Perfect!” Caliban barked a laugh, nodding as the wheel spun in his grasp. “I’ll get him this time. That’s a damn promise.”

Ness lowered his head, trying to keep his breathing even as he scrubbed at his eyes.

This time. The words echoed between Ness' ears, quickly becoming a little mantra. This time. This time for sure. 

His focus went back to the windshield, to everything that was still shrouded in darkness all around them. 

We’re almost there…I’m almost home…Just need a little more time…

His hands curled into fists so tight that it was a wonder his nails didn’t leave a set of bloody crescent moons lining the skin of his palms. 

Mike, he thought, his internal voice sounding so damn exhausted. Please…please be smart. Please keep trusting me.

Please.

___

@sammys-magical-au @insane4fandoms @lexusinsannus @b-is-in-the-closet @im-a-weird0 @lampsforsocks @forestcouncil

Sorry if this was late than the last post, but it was a good reason (there isn’t Lmao). But here we are with the comic portion of my and @wouldntyou-liketoknow’s little collab of writing and drawing. @crazy-obsessed-enby @iswmperson @lexusinsannus

Abby is truly a smart kid, and picks up dangerous situations quickly when, especially when it comes to her brother. Unfortunately, that caused more problems to not only the Schmidts, but “Ness” as well, who isn’t really handling things well. Good things she’s able to make friends everywhere, so she isn’t alone of saving Mike and “Ness”.

Mike, take the hint and find out soon that he isn’t him, and save your family. (Also SURPRISE Jack is here too)

[clone-whore-99]

Troublemaker

Chapter 4: You shouldn't have done that

The Bad Batch x f!Reader

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Mentions of sex(though no description), descriptions of a fight, sexual tension, Crosshair being mean, Crosshair being a tease, Crosshair being lowkey soft, Reader still having a lot of issue, displays of unhealthy coping mechanisms

LMK if I forgot anything

Authors note: excuse me for having a 2 week long mental breakdown, giving me major writers block. Does this mean the breakdown is over and I can write all I want again? (✿◡‿◡) No, but I did manage to be pretty proud of this chapter anyways. I feel like I got to capture Crosshair's personality pretty well. Thank you all for all the love that I've recieved from the past chapters, it means a lot to me ❤

If you like it, please do let me know by liking and commenting and maybe even reblogging, it would mean a lot to me 🥺👉👈

Chapter 1: Arriving at Kamino

Chapter 2: Work, armor and... Clones?

Chapter 3: Let it out

-

Chapter 5: Talk about it

Chapter 6: The 20 Questions Game

Chapter 7: Crosshair

Chapter 8: Echoes of the Past

Chapter 9: The Fight

Chapter 10: A Nice Change of Air

Chapter 11: Sore Muscles

Chapter 12: Heavy Rain Weights the Mind

Chapter 13: Waste of Time

Having met The Bad Batch on your first day on Kamino, was a bit like having had dessert for breakfast and then nothing but vegetables for the rest of the day. It wasn't that having vegetables was downright unpleasant, but it was a huge let down from having started the day off with dessert.

The first couple of days since they left had been fine - just fine. It was a huge adjustment getting used to being there, but your dad and most of the clones were patient and conciderate. You had even gotten to meet a Jedi, which had been such a mind boggling experience. The Jedi really were something else.

And you had gotten a chance to see why your dad never had any time. Even without Clone Force 99 around to keep him creative, he still had plenty of work to occupy himself with.

Special clone forces all needed changes to their standard armor, and although there was an entire team dedicated for this job, your dad was the one who designed and supervised all of it. This had also been the cause of many of your fights and arguements with him, as you were worried that your father was working himself too hard. But he always brushed you aside, telling you how you were over reacting and that there was no such thing as breaks during war time. Oh how mad he made you sometimes.

Another part of the big adjustments you had to make, was obviously the soldiers. These men didn't have a lot of interactions with the opposite sex - especially not the cadets. This would often lead to very bad attempts at flirting and displays of strength. Your favorite attempt was probably when a cadet had said: "Are you a clanker? 'Cause I wanna fill you with a load of my shot" right in front of your dad. He seemed to try and avoid coming by the workshop as much after that.

Though the attention had been fun and maybe even endearing at first, it quickly became a lot. Well, it wasn't like all the clones acted like that. Some were just friendly, others acted as if you were just another person working on the facility and a few acted like you were an entitled brat.

"Always needing Daddy to save your ass, huh?" one had smugly said, after your dad stopped you from getting into yet another fight. A couple others had laughed and damned if they were trained soldiers, they needed to get their ass beat.

You quickly felt the frustrations grow again. The same frustrations you had had, when you first arrived at Kamino. The same frustrations that had been lifted, when The Bad Batch had not only believed your reasoning for beating that senators son, but cheered you on for it. But now they were gone and you were angrier than ever.

It wasn't fair of you, to put the responsibility of your emotions onto a group of men you had just met. But they had made you feel more accepted than you had been in a long time. And it was gone again too soon.

You had tried to find other ways to rid yourself of these feelings. Exercising, hard training, meditation and yoga, getting into fights or hopping into bed with the first available man you could find. It had worked, but only temporarely, and then the feelings came back stronger than ever.

Today had been one of those days. The feeling of anger in you had been so strong, you felt like a bomb ready to explode. And someone had made a snarky comment in the passing. You honestly couldn't remember what they had said, but it had been enough. You had thrown a spanner wrench at him, hitting him in the back of the head.

"Say that to my face, you coward!" you spat at him, as he quickly made his way towards you. Everything in your body screamed to run as he was closing the gap between you, but you were stubborn and mad and ready to fight.

He grabbed you by the collar and held you up against a wall, so your feet barely touched the ground. "You know, little girls should really be careful who they pick a fight with. Especially when Daddy's not around to save you." He taunted, clearly just trying to scare you.

Quickly, you placed a foot flat against his stomach, ready to push him off you.

"What's going on here!?" your dads voice cut in, as he rushed over to seperate the two of you. The clone let you go immediately, causing you to fall flat onto the ground.

"You should really get your kid under control, Laquan," was said sternly, as the clone pushed your dad to the side and went away with his buddies.

"Lab trash!" you yelled bitterly after him, while you were trying to get back onto your feet.

A firm hand grabbed onto your shoulder, pushing back against the wall. "What do you think you're doing? You do realise that the more trouble you get in, the more trouble I get in, right? Or do you just not care that I could lose my job because of you?" your dad whisper-yelled at you, not wanting to cause any further a scene.

"Well, then maybe you might actually be able to catch a break!" you fired back, not caring about your yelling. "Or do you just not care that you're forcing your own kid to watch you work yourself to death?!"

"Go to your room, we're taking this discussion lat-"

"NO, we're taking this discussion NOW!" you stamped the ground. "Because later with you means never since you never have time for anything else!"

"I don't know if you've realised this young lady, but there is a war going on and those men out there are depending on the my work for survival!"

"Right, yea, because everybody else is way more important than me, right?" you could feel the tears dwell up in your eyes once again, but you didn't care. This was probably the longest conversation you had had with your dad in years.

At first, your dad looked hurt over that comment, but quickly bit down and spat out through gritted teeth: "Go. To. Your. Room."

The modified omicron-class attack shuttle, also known as the Havoc Marauder touched down on one of the landing platforms not far from your fathers workshop. Out stepped the four strange but familiar faces, with Tech busy explaining something to the newest member.

"Though, I agree that getting back into the field as soon as possible would be good for not only your mental health, but your muscle memory and physical health as well, you do need a proper armor, Echo." Tech stated matter-of-factly, while adjusting his goggles.

Echo shrugged. "What's wrong with the one they gave me on Anaxes?"

"It's ugly." Crosshair was quick to reply.

"It's not effective with the types of missions that we do," Tech cut in, shooting his brother a dirty look.

"And it doesn't really fit in with the rest of the group," Hunter added, placing a supportive hand on Echo's shoulder. "Once you look more like you fit in with squad, you'll feel like it too."

Wrecker, who were walking several steps in front of his brothers, suddenly called out across the hangar: "Hey Laquan! We got some work for you!" and with his thumb, he pointed back at Echo.

"Well, now, I've never..." Your dad walked towards the newest member, while cleaning his hands on a dirty rag. "You picked up a stray or something? That isn't usually your style." He looked at Hunter.

"Not really," Hunter's hand was still resting on Echo's shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "This is CT-1409, also known as -"

"Echo?" Your dad interrupted, looking at the man in front of him in disbelief. "What happened to you? I was told you were dead..."

"It's kinda a long story.." Echo replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with his flesh hand.

"Well, then it's a good thing we've got a lot of work ahead of us," Laquan replied, overtaking Hunter's position with the arm around Echo's shoulder, so he could be led back to the workshop.

"You two know each other?" Hunter's gaze switched from between the two men.

"Yup. When Echo got promoted to ARC trooper, I was the one who made the updates for his armor. Glad to be working with you again old friend." Your dad was so happy to see Echo again, it had almost made him forget about your fight earlier, when suddenly...

"Hey, where's your kid?" Wrecker asked innocently, while looking under a table as if you would be hiding there. "I wanna thank her for her suggestion about my vibroblade's position. Never worked better!"

Your father suddenly looked like he had tasted something sour. "She's on time-out. She got in a fight again."

Tech and Crosshair were heading to their barracks. Tech, so he could make room for Echo and Crosshair, because he wanted a nap. But the mention of you getting in a fight caught his attention and he quickly turned back. "Got in a fight with whom?"

"I don't know. One of the regular clones..." he let out a deep sigh, letting himself slump down on a bench. Usually, your dad wouldn't let his personal problems out at work, but the boys were like a second family to him and he really needed to vent, even if just for a minute.

"She's out of control. If she's not flirting or... worse with the men, then she's picking fights with them. I-I don't know what to do with her. Maybe it would be best if she just... No, no. I just don't know what do with her." He looked pitiful up at the men. Then, with another heavy sigh and a clap of his hands, your dad stood back up again. "But, that's really none of your business. I'm sorry to bother you with family issues."

"What did you mean, with 'or worse'?" Crosshair probed, not willing to let it go so quickly.

Your dad was already pulling Echo towards a scanner, so he could get started with the blueprints of the new armor. "She thinks I don't know. That I haven't noticed how she at times takes a break after having flirted around a bit, only for her to return looking all disheveled." He shook his head at the thought. "Honestly, she really disappoints me sometimes..."

"Hey, where are you going!?" Wrecker yelled out to Crosshair, who was already making his way across the hangar again.

"She's on a time-out Cross. That means no visits!" Your dad called out.

With a smug smirk and a shrug, Crosshair just shouted back: "I'm just gonna have an honest heart to heart talk with her."

"Uargh!" you threw the cup across the room, getting further annoyed that it didn't break on impact with the wall, but rather just made a mess. You just screamed at stupid cup that wouldn't break, because how dared it stay intact when you throw it against a wall.

You paced around in the room, trying to catch your breathe and stop the tears that kept rolling down your cheeks. Why were you so angry all the time? Why couldn't you just be happy? Or at least, neutral? It couldn't be puberty, you were way past that. Why were you such a screw up?

You stopped your pacing just long enough for you to kick over a crate, that was still full of stuff you had yet to unpack.

"Poor crate, what has it ever done to you?" you turned around at the snarky comment, facing the last person you wanted to see from the bad batch. And the bastard even had the audacity to smile his usual devious smile at you.

You huffed out in disbelieve. "All those years in training, and yet they couldn't teach any of you how to knock on a door!?" Determinantly you made your way towards the silver haired fox, wiping your cheeks on the way. Quickly, you grabbed onto his overarm and pulled with all your might. "Get. Out!"

He didn't budge. Instead, he started laughing at your useless attempt of moving him. And once you finally accepted that you couldn't move him, you let go defeatedly. That's when he grabbed your chin with his index finger and thumb, forcing you to look him in the eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere, dollface. Your dad told us everything. About how much of a headache you've been. About all the trouble you've been causing, and all the men you've been with..."

Agressively, you pushed his hand away and took a couple steps away from him. You decided to put your attention back onto the crate that was knocked over and knelt down to put your things back into it. This way, you could still keep an eye on him to make sure he didn't sneak up behind you, while not having to confront him directly either.

"Oh? Did I hurt your feelings?" Crosshair teased.

"Why do you care how I spend my time? Or who I spend it with? If you came here in the hopes of getting a turn, fat chance, dollface." You mocked the stupid nickname he had given you, with as much poison in your voice as you could muster.

Removing the toothpick between his lips so he could study it, Crosshair laughed with no tracks of humor. "As if I wanted some regs sloppy seconds..." What the hell was a reg?

"Don't call me that!" You stood up, turning to face him once again. Your hands were shaking with anger.

"Why not? It's true, isn't it?" he flicked the toothpick at you, while leaning down so he could be at eye height with you.

That was it. Who the hell did he think he was, to just wander into your room like he owned the place and start throwing insults - and toothpicks - at you! It was time for you to finally give that smug face of his what it deserved - and put that mark around his eye to good use.

Suddenly, your burning hot blood ran cold. Your fist never made it's impact with his face. He had caught it mere inches from the goal and looked at you unamused.

"You gotta be faster than that, if you want to hit me," he pulled you closer like you weighted nothing. Yea, you had really messed up. You placed your free hand on his arm, trying to pull yourself free from his grasp. In the mean time, Crosshair leaned down again towards your ear and whispered real low: "And unlike Tech, I'm not just gonna take it. I'll hit back."

Another shiver ran down your spine, contrasting the hot breath that had hit your ear. Your breath got caught in your throat. He wasn't actually going to hurt you, was he? You barely even dared to glance up at his face, that was beaming with amusement over your reaction to him.

Crosshair appeared to finally decide to leave. The only problem was, that he was still holding onto your arm and therefore pulling you with him, no matter how much you tried to resist.

"W-wait! Where are we going?" you didn't mean to sound to panicked, but at that moment, you really couldn't help it.

"You'll see when we get there, dollface." He answered nonchalently.

"I'm not supposed to leave my room! Dad's gonna have a fit if he comes back and I'm not here." you frantically looked around for Lazie, the service droid, hoping that it could help in any ways.

"Your dad's busy and Lazie is helping him. We'll be back before he even notices you're gone." It was almost as if he had read your mind.

"WHERE ARE WE?" you loudly demanded, once Crosshair had stopped walking and pulled you in front of him before letting go of your hand. He didn't even bother to look at you. Instead, he was busy looking over a big display of... Guns.

"Ever shot one of these before?" He threw what you could only assume to be a sniper rifle at you. You caught it very clumsy, causing him to once again chuckle at you. You just looked dumbstrucked at the gun. "I'll take that as a no." He said a little less than a minute later, before grabbing your arm once again to pull you with him.

"You know, I can walk by myself!" you tried to free yourself from his grasp again, which was a lot harder while also trying not to drop the rifle he made you carry. Why you didn't just use the rifle to help free yourself? Good question.

"I know." You were pulled into an empty shooting range. It was big and rather cold in there. Crosshair pulled you up to a thick fence, before pressing a bunch of buttons on the wall next to it. The dark space in front of you lit up and target practices came flying into place.

Seemingly satisfied with this, the silver haired man put a new toothpick between his lips and leaned back against the wall. You could only stare confused at him.

It took you a minute, before you realised that he believed his work was done. He was just looking at you expectantly, waiting for your next move. You kept switching between looking at him and at the rifle, shrugging in pure confusion. "I... I don't know what you want me to do... I don't even know what this is..." You gestured at the gun.

"A DC-15x sniper rifle. Shoot it. I've already loaded it for you." He commanded, nodding towards the targets.

Now it was your turn to make a humorless laugh. "Thanks. You're great at instructions." You said sarcastically, before leaning against the fence with the rifle.

Without saying a word, Crosshair grabbed your shoulder with one hand, and the rifle with the other. He adjusted it, so the base of the gun rested against your shoulder in a very specific way.

"There," he said. "Now you won't dislocate your shoulder while firing, and I won't have to bother popping it back into place."

"How thoughtful of you." You leaned down, so your dominant eye could look through the scope. With a deep breathe, you pressed the trigger and completely missed the target.

"You're holding it wrong." Crosshair commented, moving from his spot.

"Well, you didn't really give any instructions..."

You could feel the hard metal of Crosshairs armor against your butt. He placed his feet by yours, lightly tapping them to adjust your position. And instead of his usual towering over you, he leaned down over your body, completely covering your frame with his.

You wanted to say something. You really did. But your mouth was dry and every word you were trying to speak, would disappear faster than you could conjure them. Your heart was beating so fast you were certain he could feel it through his chestplate. Not to mention, how your whole body was shaking.

"Stand still." He commanded, his head right next to yours. He had placed his hands over yours, both to guide them in how to hold the gun properly, but also to keep them still. "Try now."

You once again looked through the scope, instantly noticing how this new position you were forced into made it a whole lot easier and more comfortable to look through it. And with a shaky breathe this time, you pulled the trigger and hit the very edge of the target.

"Better. But you need to calm down if you want to actually hit the target." The stubbles from his five o'clock shadow tickled the shell of your ear everytime he spoke, and you had to bite your lower lip to stop yourself from gasping - or making other sounds, for that matter.

"It's kinda hard to stay calm, when you're standing over me like this." You shouldn't have said that. You really, really shouldn't have said that.

"Why?" Oh, how you could hear the amusement in his voice. He moved his head to the side, so his lips was directly on top of your ear, making you shake even more than before. "Am I making you nervous? Or is it something else, that's bothering you?" with that said, he shifted his hips so he was pushed impossibly closer to you, making you make - well, you weren't exactly sure what kinda sound you made, but it definitely wasn't one you wanted him to hear.

Seemingly satisfied with your reaction, Crosshair shifted back into the position he held before. "A good shot shouldn't be distracted by anything. You're lucky I'm going easy on you today. Now, shoot again."

You felt kinda lightheaded after that little number he made, but still did as commanded. Weird, normally you never would've done what someone else told you to. You lined up your shot, took a couple of deep breathes to calm yourself, before you pulled the trigger again. You were getting closer to the center of the target, but still not quite there yet.

You weren't sure how much time had passed by the time you were done. But your eyes were burning from over exhaustion and your body was hurting from having been in such an unnatural position for so long.

Crosshair was cleaning up the station, by putting everything back to where it belonged. Meanwhile, you were busy rubbing your eyes and stretching your back. You glanced down at the target cards. Your shots from when Crosshair had been helping you was better by the mile, than the ones from when he left you on your own. But still, by the end you had actually managed to hit the target more than once. And that was a huge achievement in your book.

You were pulled back to reality, when Crosshair for the third time that day grabbed you by your arm, so that he could drag you along with him. "You know, I can walk by myself." You reminded him.

"I know." He handed you the targets.

"Wait, am I allowed to keep these?"

"Don't know. Don't care."

It was impossible to figure out this man. At one point he was being really creepy, the next he acted like you didn't exist. Then, he would be super mean and then super caring. He would constantly tease you and make you so angry you could barely think, and yet, he somehow managed to calm you down just by being himself. He was one big mystery, really.

Dividers by: @djarrex and @firefly-graphics

Gif by: @ffdemon

Taglist: @zoeykallus @rain-on-kamino @thebadbatchscyare @thebahdbitch @salaminus

Please tell me if you want to be added to the taglist (✿◡‿◡)

[mrsnegan]

Feels Like Home

[I finally managed to finish the 8th part of this story, yay! Even if I'm already too late for the deadline of the Bingo Challenge, I will finish this series, because I've grown to love Negan x Y/N and can't leave their (love) story unfinished. So have fun reading this part. It's just a short one but full of emotions and of course some delicious smut. 😏😉]

Summary: You can't deny your feelings for Negan any longer, after he confessed his love to you.

Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, slight daddy kink, slight choking, rough sex

Square: You were right

Part 1: Dirty Little Secret

Part 2: Movie Night

Part 3: Pitch Black Impala

Part 4: Calm Before The Storm

Part 5: When It All Comes Crashing Down

Part 6: Aftermath

Part 7: Drunk

"Because I love you." His words still echo in your head while your fingers trace his sweaty skin. Your heart feels full, yet all the pending emotions from the previous months leave a bitter taste. The hurt, the betrayal of your best friend, his daughter, the way the both of you so carelessly and selfishly risked everything to spend time together, to fuck around...your head spins with guilt. You have no idea if his revelation changes anything. It's the most beautiful feeling in the world to hear the person you love admit their feelings, though you don't know if it's enough to fix this mess.

"What are you thinking about?" Negan questions while taking your hand into his to place soft kisses against the fingertips which just touched him.

"Everything. This. Us. I have no idea what we're going to do now. You were right, you know? I was miserable the whole time. Not just because I regret hurting Celia, but also because I love you so much and can't live without you. It sounds cheesy and dramatic, but..."

He hushes you with a kiss to your lips, using your hand in his grasp to pull you further against him. He helps you swing one leg over his center, placing you right below his hardening length. How he is ready to go again is beyond your understanding, though you would never complain about his hunger for you. You have missed him too much, need him too much, love him too much.

You grasp his length, giving him a few loving tugs to get him to his full errect state before you lift your hips and sink down on him.

The groans you share fill his bedroom, the sound of his gasps driving you mad with lust. You already feel sore from the two previous rounds, so you set a slow pace, enjoying the incredible feeling of his cock inside of you. His fingers grip your hips, helping your rhythm to increase just a notch. The pure bliss written plainly on his face amazes you, makes you crave him even more. You haven't seen a more beautiful man than Negan below you, mouth slightly agape, cheeks rosy, skin sweaty. He turns you on so much, you forget about your sore center and slam harder up and down above him, fucking him with passion. The slight burning even adds to your pleasure, you can't deny it even if you want.

"Daddy, fuck me...", you moan breathlessly, the first time you talk dirty to him in a very long time, making you blush.

It still gets under his skin. You watch his eyes pop open, the growling sound out of his mouth still burning your skin and when he flips the both of you over, so he can drive himself between your legs, you have never felt anything so intense.

"Princess...", he moans above you, setting a fast pace. "Dirty little princess..."

He fucks you into the mattress, one hand lifting your leg as high as possible, the other loosely around your throat. You whimper and moan, trying to match his pace, trying to anchor yourself despite the pleasure he is driving into and out of you.

He is so deep inside of you, it hurts so good when he pushes himself in and out of you over and over again.

Your hand sneaks between your bodies, rubbing yourself furiously while Negan fucks you so good. As soon as he notices you're close, his hand tightens around your throat and the lack of oxygen makes you fall. You shake underneath him, your orgasm washing over you with a heavy force. When he lets go of you, the air filling your body drives your high to the next level. You pulse around him uncontrollably, he has no other chance than to let go himself, emptying himself deep inside of you.

"Shit, I love you so much, you dirty little woman", he praises out of breath while he kisses the sweaty and heaving skin.

"I love you too", you answer him breathlessly yourself. You feel tingly and like flying, high on endorphins, high on love.

Negan keeps staying inside of you for a long time, enjoying your warmth and your calming heartbeat, before he retreats himself to plop down beside you.

"C'mere", he whispers, pulling you into his warm embrace. This feels like home, you think, when his arms surround your body.

"We will figure this out, princess. All of it. I won't let you go ever again. We've wasted enough time, I don't plan on quitting this, never. I feel your concern, I don't want to ignore it, but we will work for this, OK? Promise me you won't give up on us. Let's make it work."

You lift your head to better look at him, your eyes teary with what he just said.

"OK", you whisper back, letting him shush you and embrace you even tighter.

Whatever may come, whatever may evolve, you will be fighting for this love, this man. Because even if how everything started and went on never felt more wrong, what it turned into also never felt more right.

---

Taglist: @band--psycho @iluvneganandjamie @murphslass @negans-attagirl @msjamesmarch @you-a-southpaw-doll @in-ky

[peaceisadirtyword]

Move On VIII (Modern!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello!♥️ Two weeks later, here you go! I only have two things to say: 1. please don't hate me 2. forgive me because it's too long and it might be a bit boring bc my brain was a bit dry this week. BUT the ending is intense. I almost divided it in two different chapters but I'm ending it on chapter 10 and I already have everything planned😔 Please remember there's two chapters left and anything could happen👀 Now enjoy and thanks for reading!

Warnings: fluff, a bit of angst, Hvitty is the best, Alfred is cute, Ivar is Ivar, there's smut, mentions of alcohol, mentions of anxiety and I think that's all!

Words: 7122 (the longest chapter I've ever written sorry)

Move On Masterlist

my three favorite boys by @therealcalicali

You had thought about your wedding day, like every single person on Earth. You imagined it being outside, maybe near the sea, or in the forest, maybe the gardens of a beautiful palace. But for some reason, you never imagined the groom's face. It was always about you, the place and the music, the dress, the flowers, the cake... Until you met Ivar.

Getting married wasn't something you wished to do soon, it could wait. It was more a future plan than a wish, because in some way getting married and having a child was something that scared you. Ivar managed to make you change your mind, suddenly you weren't that scared of having kids or the commitment that implies a wedding. It would be fine as long as he was the one waiting for you at the end of the aisle and the one holding your baby. It would be fine as long as it was him there with you.

Weddings were a celebration of love. At least that was what everyone said, two people that loved each other enough to try and make it last forever. Maybe they gave too much importance to the wedding itself and forgot the love part. Or maybe you were so bitter about anything romantic or related to love that you stopped thinking about them as a love gesture and started seeing it as a contract.

You hadn't heard about Ivar again. Not since that day that ended so badly. Hvitserk said he was still with Freydis, and soon he just stopped talking about him at all. Maybe hoping you'd get over him faster if he didn't mention him. But it wasn't really working.

At least you stopped crying. Now it was more like a sad grimace whenever you thought about it, and sometimes, Hvitserk realized you'd stop talking and looked away, biting your lip and probably thinking about him. Especially when there was something that reminded you of him.

But the problem of being so close to someone, shaping your entire life around him and sharing everything together was that there wasn't really anything that didn't remind you of him.

Alfred, Thora and Hvitserk had organized to be around you all the time. Distracting you, forcing you to go out and Hvitserk even let you do his makeup once. Sometimes it was annoying, but you couldn't be mad at them, they were just trying to make you feel better.

You tried to convince Thora and Hvitserk to go to the wedding together, but she didn't want to go to said wedding. As you promised Alfred you'd go with him, he'd be the one picking you up, and you'd see Hvitserk in there.

Of course, Ubbe and Torvi chose a beautiful forest near their own home to celebrate the wedding. A pagan wedding. You had been to a few of those with Ivar, as he and his family still worshipped the Norse gods. But this time you felt like an intruder, as you weren't even part of the family anymore, and your date was a Christian man.

The dress Hvitserk chose didn't look that good on you at home as it had looked on the changing rooms, as always, but you forced yourself to wear it with confidence. You even practiced walking with the new heels you had bought, and at that point you just wished you wouldn't fall in front of everyone.

You chose a very natural makeup, and a simple hairstyle that was within your humble means. You didn't want to draw attention and wished that the guests wouldn't recognize you. The last thing you needed was people talking about you and Ivar.

Traditions were traditions, nonetheless, and you wore red underwear to try and feel a bit sexier. Even if you had tried to get rid of the red dresses and underwear you wore to catch Ivar's attention, that red set in particular was too precious for you. It was the first one he bought you, and you still remembered the first night you wore it.

And, why am I thinking about Ivar now?

You sighed and looked at your own reflect on the mirror. You were ready, just needed to put those deadly traps on your feet and grab your purse. Alfred had called and he was on his way.

Oh yeah, because you're seeing him today. For the first time in months, you were going to see him again and with Freydis on his arm. You didn't even know how you'd react, but it had given you nightmares for days.

The doorbell rang, and you finished putting on the heels before walking to the door and opening it. Alfred looked like a prince, with his black suit and a flower on his hand. A sunflower. It made you smile more than it was socially acceptable.

"Hi" you waved at him "You look good" you winked at him, Alfred chuckled and blushed softly.

"Hello" he nodded politely "You look..." he stopped to look at you in the eye and sighed "Absolutely beautiful"

"Oh, um..." you looked down, flustered "Thank you, I... Didn't expect a compliment now"

Alfred smiled and took your hand, making you twirl and giggle.

"This is for you" he gave you the sunflower. You bit your lip and took it.

"You're always giving me flowers"

"Because you deserve them" he shrugged "Are you ready?"

You nodded. Taking the purse you left next to the door and checking you had everything.

"Okay" you sighed "Let's go"

__________________________________

As soon as you got out of the car someone covered your eyes. You laughed and grabbed his arms to avoid losing your balance.

"Hvitserk" you put his hands away and turned to look at him "Look at you! You look nice"

He did look nice. His dirty blonde hair was braided and the suit looked good on him, it made his green eyes stand out.

"You look very nice too" he winked at you, his flirtatious smirk made you roll your eyes "Nice dress, who chose it?"

"Someone with a very good taste, obviously" you laughed "Are we late?"

Hvitserk turned to greet Alfred. The both of them weren't exactly friends, but thanks to you they were at least civil with each other and you were more than happy with that.

"You're just on time" he sighed "The guests are starting to get in" he pointed at the small path adorned with flowers and wooden decorations that entered the forest "Ubbe is already there, he's surprisingly relaxed, considering the fact he's marrying Torvi" Hvitserk muttered the last part and you raised an eyebrow.

"I would like to say hello to Ubbe before the ceremony starts" said Alfred with a small smile. He was very close to Ubbe, and worked with him frequently. You could say Ubbe was his favorite Lothbrok, and you couldn't blame him.

Hvitserk nodded and stepped back.

"I have to look for my brother, he told me he was close" he explained "But go, I'll catch you later"

My brother, Hvitserk now only referred to Ivar as 'his brother', noticing how you sometimes flinched when you heard his name, even if it was just because the thought of him startled you.

You grabbed Alfred's arm and hoped you wouldn't fall with the heels, he seemed to think the same, because he held you tightly.

"Doesn't it bother you that this is a pagan wedding?" You asked, genuinely curious when you caught a glance of the cross that hang from his neck. It belonged to his biological father, who passed away before he was born.

Alfred seemed amused at the question.

"I'm not bothered by people believing in other Gods, Y/N" he chuckled "In fact, I find paganism very interesting, and Ubbe told me a lot about his Gods and Goddesses, it's interesting, and I don't think my own God would be mad at me for respecting other beliefs"

You nodded slowly. Alfred was very religious, but not on an obsessive way. It was one of the things you liked about him, how relaxed but loyal he was about his religion.

Ivar was also very religious, but focused on a very different religion. It was something they had in common even if they wouldn't ever recognize it, but you could see it in both of them.

"Besides, I'll confess that Norse weddings are often much more fun than the Christian weddings" he added with a smile.

"Oh, are you getting drunk tonight?" you teased with a small smile. Alfred shook his head but laughed.

"Maybe" he raised an eyebrow "But only if you drink with me"

"Obviously" you rolled your eyes "On the last wedding I went to, Hvitserk, Ivar and I stole a bottle of tequila and got drunk on the car while listening to my favorite playlist"

"Wow" he laughed again "Okay, I'll try to keep up with you then"

There was a lot of people at the clearing already. You remembered Ubbe's first wedding, the first one you attended to with Ivar. He looked more relaxed now, and happier.

"Alfred" he greeted your companion with a big smile and a bone-crushing hug. Alfred smiled widely and hugged him back "You look good, man, thanks for coming"

"Of course, Ubbe" when they separated, he touched his shoulder firmly "I'm happy for you"

"I was a bit confused when your family arrived without you" Ubbe pointed to a group of people. When you turned to look at them, they turned around to pretend they weren't looking at you, making you raise an eyebrow and Alfred frown and blush "But I see you have better company" he laughed "Hello, Y/N"

When he leant in to hug you, you sighed. Ubbe gave the best hugs ever.

"Hi" you smiled "Thank you for inviting me"

"Are you joking?" he shook his head "You're like my sister, of course we'd invite you, you look pretty" he nodded "My mother is going to be thrilled to see you" he pointed at Aslaug, who stood all alone away from the crowd "She scolded all of us during the last family dinner, saying how you were too good for this family and we didn't appreciate you enough"

You smiled softly, Aslaug always treated you like a daughter.

"I'm gonna go say hello to her" you looked back at them. Alfred nodded and watched you leave until Ubbe hit his head softly with a smirk.

Aslaug never had a good relationship with the rest of the family. Ivar told you no one truly accepted her when Ragnar divorced Lagertha, and she spent most of the time taking care of Ivar. When Ragnar left, she just ignored them.

Ubbe was right, her eyes lightened up and she gave you a big smile when you approached.

"Y/N! Oh, Gods, you look so beautiful" she hugged you tightly "How have you been? I asked Hvitserk about you but he wasn't very specific"

"Hi" you smiled back at her "I'm fine, I think, you look beautiful too"

She seemed to like that comment. She did look very pretty, with her wavy, blonde hair braided and wearing a beautiful blue dress.

"I'm so glad to see you" she sighed "I missed you, you have to come with Hvitserk some day"

You wondered if she knew about the fact that you had slept with Hvitserk. But just when you were about to reply, she looked at someone just behind you, and you tensed up. There was only one person that could make Aslaug smile like that, and you weren't too excited to see him.

When you turned around, you forgot how to breath for a moment. Ivar wore a dark grey suit, that made his deep blue eyes shine like sapphires. He leant into the crutch and walked slowly, looking around with his eyebrow raised, as if he truly believed no one was worthy of his presence. After months without seeing him, thinking you were actually making progress in moving on, you realized you were still too into him. He was just too much.

When you were able to tear your eyes off of him, you realized Freydis was with him, dressed in red and looking so effortlessly beautiful that you felt like crying again.

Hvitserk reached you first, greeting his mother with a kiss on her cheek and putting his arm around your shoulders.

"Come on, let's go, this is about to begin" he whispered. When you left, you could feel Ivar's eyes on you, nearly burning. You didn't dare to look at him.

_______________________________________

Torvi was so beautiful on her white dress and the flower crown on top of the small braids on her hair that you couldn't help but tear up a bit. Ubbe looked at her with such an intensity, with eyes so full of love that you envied both of them for a moment. They couldn't stop looking at each other, they were so lost in themselves that barely listened to the völva that married them. To be fair, you barely listened either. It made you wish you had someone to look at like that, someone that looked at you like that. A few months earlier, you thought you had it.

Maybe you still could have it, with Alfred. He was the sweetest person you had ever met, and he treated you like a queen, always giving you space and making sure you were okay. You loved him so much you thought you'd explode if he had another sweet gesture with you, but it wasn't romantic love. You could try and maybe in some more months you could fall in love with him, but you didn't want to break his heart, he didn't deserve it.

And Hvitserk? He was your best friend, but even if you could feel attracted to him, you knew it wouldn't work. And both Alfred and Hvitserk deserved true love. But it wasn't you.

Ivar sat on the front rows, with his brothers and his parents. Freydis was sitting next to him, but they didn't touch each other. In fact, they barely talked. Then the völva talked about twin flames, about true love that always found its way through every single obstacle, and when you looked at him, he was looking right back at you.

______________________________________

"You're back to drinking, huh?" Hvitserk laughed while sitting next to you. You groaned and bit your lip to hold back a laugh.

"I needed it" you pouted, looking at the drink you just ordered "Alfred introduced me to his family, but I don't think they like me very much"

Hvitserk stole your drink and took a sip, making you glare at him.

"His family is very protective of him" he shrugged "And you're probably not very popular considering you're Ivar's ex"

You turned your head to look at them, standing at the other side of the room. Judith, Alfred's mother, at least had been nice, but Aethelwulf, his (adoptive) father, looked at you suspiciously. You already knew Aethelred, his brother, but even if he greeted you politely, he didn't seem too happy with you either.

You also spent some time with the newlyweds, Björn and his wife and Lagertha, but you also felt out of place. In fact, you didn't feel comfortable until you stepped away from the crowd and reached the bar.

"There's food there, Hvitserk" you snatched your drink from his hand "Leave my drink alone"

He chuckled.

"I figured you needed some company, you look a bit sad here all alone" he shrugged again "Besides, I don't really feel comfortable in there" he frowned. The guests were finishing their food and getting up to dance and talk around the room. The venue in which the feast took place belonged to a friend of Ubbe's, so they had gotten the biggest salon.

Aslaug chatted with Floki and Helga, Ragnar tried to flirt with an amused Lagertha and Sigurd and Ivar had argued at least three times during the feast, with Björn interfering to avoid a possible murder. So the atmosphere was a bit tense and awkward.

"Remind me to never celebrate a wedding with my family" Hvitserk sighed. You giggled and shook your head "I mean it, is there anything worse than a wedding with a dysfunctional family?"

"A wedding with a functional family" you raised an eyebrow "That would be boring"

Fortunately, no one paid too much attention to you. Helga greeted you excitedly, and Floki hugged you and told you Freki missed you. You teared up remembering the sweet husky they had in Iceland. Sigurd was also nicer to you now than when you were with Ivar. Blaeja smiled to you shyly. Everything was awkward and felt weird, like you shouldn't be there.

The only one you hadn't talked to was Ragnar and, of course, Ivar. After he was finished eating, he sat down with Freydis. She tried to say hello to you with a sweet smile but Alfred had interrupted her and took you away. You nearly kissed him in gratitude.

"My father asked about you" Hvitserk added when he saw you staring at Ragnar, who was now talking to Harald Finehair.

"Really?" you frowned "I didn't think he'd remember me"

Even if you had been with Ivar for years, you had only met his father a few times, during important events or festivities. Usually, he was traveling the world, working and avoiding his responsibilities as a husband and a father.

"Of course he remembers you, he always asked about you... Don't tell anyone, but you were his favorite daughter-in-law, remember that time when you managed to make Ivar apologize to Sigurd after he insulted him during Jul? He was impressed"

"And he told you that" you rolled your eyes, thinking Hvitserk was probably making it up to make you feel better.

"Yes, he did, he also called Ivar a fucking idiot when he heard he left you, it was the first time I agreed with my father in a long time"

That made you smile.

"Your family is too nice with me" you sighed "I'm gonna miss them"

That startled Hvitserk.

"What? Why? Where are you going?" he glared at you "You're not leaving"

"I don't know" you took another sip of your drink "I talked to Alfred about it, he had friends in England that could help me get a job there and..."

"England?" Hvitserk scowled "You're moving to England?"

"I'm not" his indignation amused you "Not for now, I think, it's just an idea"

"You can't leave me here" he pouted "Who is going to come with me to the pub then?"

"I'm sure you'd find someone to get drunk with pretty soon"

He shook his head, and the two of you stayed in silence for a couple of minutes.

"It's impossible to replace you, Y/N" he whispered "You're too special for that"

"Aw" you felt a lump in your throat and the urge to hug him "That's sweet, Hvitty"

"I mean it" he winked at you "You're great, I just wish you saw it too"

"Keep saying these things to me and I'll give you my drink"

He smiled, but shook his head and stood up.

"I'm going to talk to Ubbe" he announced, you saw he was now talking to Floki and Aslaug, away from Björn and Lagertha "I have something to give to him"

You nodded and watched him leave with a small smile. Once again, you should have fallen in love with him.

_______________________________

After three drinks, you stopped feeling intimidated by the crowd, at least a bit, and felt brave enough to get closer to it. Your eyes fixed on Ivar and Freydis, still sitting down and who seemed to be having a deep conversation. It didn't look good, but before you could even start wondering what they were talking about, someone put their arm around you, startling you.

"Hello, Y/N" you turned around to see Ragnar, already a bit drunk and with a big smile on his lips. His eyes, so similar to Ivar's, seemed to look directly into your soul "Long time no see"

"Hi" you smiled at him "How are you?"

He frowned, then grimaced and then shook his head.

"I'm... Alive" he shrugged "So, you and little Alfred?"

Ragnar Lothbrok wasn't one to beat around the bush.

"We're friends" you chuckled "He's been an amazing friend to me these past months"

"Yeah, after my... Brilliant son fucked it up" he clenched his jaw, taking a sip of his beer "Alfred is a really good kid, son of a great man"

"He's the best" you nodded "Did you know his father?"

For the first time, the smile on Ragnar's face faltered.

"Yes, I did" he cleared his throat "He was a very good friend of mine"

"He'd be proud of his son, then" you smiled, looking at Alfred who was currently talking to his brother.

"He would" Ragnar nodded "Unfortunately, I can't say the same for my own sons" he muttered, and you raised an eyebrow.

"Why?" you chuckled.

"I must admit it's my fault" he sighed "They inherited it from me, the capacity of ruining everything when they have a great woman by their side" you'd swear his eyes fixed on Lagertha and then on Aslaug for a moment "Ivar is the smartest boy I've ever seen, but he can also be stupid sometimes, you know it, because you understand him better than anyone, better than himself, even than his own mother" you bit your lip, looking away "And I know he regrets it"

"Look, I really love Ivar" you sighed "I will always love him because he was a very important part of my life for years, but he's happy with Freydis now, and I'm glad he's happy"

Ragnar chuckled, shaking his head.

"I'd argue with you on that, but Alfred is coming and I think you deserve a good time with him now rather than talking about my son" he winked "See you around, Y/N"

Before you could reply, he left, walking towards the bar as he finished his drink.

"Hello" Alfred stopped next to you, also looking at Ragnar with an eyebrow raised "Everything okay?"

You turned your head and smiled softly at him.

"Yes, I think" you giggled "It's just Ragnar being weird"

He hummed, like he understood exactly what you meant.

"I just wanted to ask you if you..." he looked around with a frown, and blushed furiously "Maybe, want to dance?"

You were surprised, thinking no one really danced at these things, but a quick look around made you realized that people were definitely dancing, or well, at least they were trying.

Ubbe and Torvi moved slowly together, with their foreheads pressed together and a small smile on their lips. Around them, some couples danced at the rhythm of a slow song.

"Oh, um..." you licked your lips, nervously "Sure, I'd love to"

Alfred looked relieved, and took your hand softly, leading you to the dance floor. Or well, the part of the salon on which people danced.

He knew how to dance, of course he did. You nearly rolled your eyes when he whispered that you should put your hand on his shoulder and started leading your movements. He was too soft, too polite and too perfect. You looked at his face intensely as he danced and you moved clumsily with him. He didn't make eye contact, too nervous and always looking down.

"Alfred" you pouted "You're one of the most amazing men I've ever met" you stopped moving to hug him "Oh my god, I wish I could..."

He hugged you back, nodding against your neck.

"I wish that too" he muttered "But I can't force you"

"I tried, I really did, and I love you so much, but..."

"Hey" he stopped hugging you, and cupped your face softly "Look at me, Y/N, you don't have to explain yourself, you feel what you feel and it's fine, I'll get over it" he giggled as you teared up, feeling the worst person in the world "We're friends, and that will never change"

You nodded.

"Thank you" you took a deep breath "For everything"

"Of course" he smiled "I think it's time you start being a bit more selfish and put yourself first, stop worrying about what the others are feeling, focus on yourself"

You hugged him again and kissed his cheek.

"I'm gonna go get some air" you took a deep breath "I'll be back, okay?"

He nodded, letting you go. You rushed to the door and left the building, only breathing again when you were out in the garden. It was a pretty entrance, with cobblestones, a lovely fountain and some flowers. At least it was peaceful and quiet. Or you thought it was, because you heard a metal noise and a groan, which made you jump and gasp before you looked to the side.

It was already dark, and the only source of light were the lovely streetlights adorned with ivy. It came from one of the benches at the side of the entrance, and you nearly cried when you saw the source of the noise.

"Ivar?" you sighed, drying your tears with your fingers "What are you doing here?"

He raised his head and glared at you with his jaw clenched, he had been focused on his braces and didn't even hear you approaching. When he didn't reply, you frowned and walked towards him, walking slowly to avoid falling down with the damned heels.

"Where's Freydis?" you asked softly, understanding something was wrong.

"She left" his voice sounded dry and empty, almost as if he had been crying.

"Why?"

"Because I told her to leave" he pouted. Ivar had the tendency to pout, and he hated when you said he looked cute doing it, probably thinking he looked intimidating.

You sat down on the bench, and decided not to ask because he didn't seem too inclined to talk about it.

"What's wrong with the braces?" you asked slowly.

"I don't know" he groaned, grabbing his right leg "I think I moved it and..." his lip started trembling when he started fiddling with it again.

"Stop" you tried to grab his hand, but he ignored you "Ivar, stop, you're going to hurt yourself"

"Why do you care?" he raised his voice, making you scoff "Why don't you go back there with Alfred?"

"Don't yell" you glared at him "After everything you've done, you don't get to yell at me"

He took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes with his hands and shaking his head.

"I want to go home" he sighed "I can't go back there"

"Hey, what happened?" you were starting to get worried, because that wasn't like Ivar "Should I call your brothers? Your mother?"

"No" he shrugged "They will just rant about how stupid I am for letting you go"

You looked away again.

"You did hurt me" you muttered "A lot"

Ivar didn't look at you either.

"That's the worst part" he scoffed "That they're right"

This time you did look at him, surprised and with your lips parted. For a moment, you felt the need to hug and kiss him, but you couldn't.

"If you know they're right why did you do it? And I don't mean breaking up with me, I mean being so cruel, treating me like I was nothing to you"

"I don't know, Y/N" he sighed tiredly "I was angry, you moved on"

"I didn't move on!" you scoffed "Dear God, Ivar, I couldn't move on, I spent the worst months of my life trying to but I couldn't, you're such an asshole" you groaned "You broke up with me, acted like I was nothing but a burden to you, you made me feel like I wasn't good enough, and then had the audacity of acting like I was the one that fucked everything up!"

Ivar's eyes were full of tears when he raised his head again.

"I don't feel like talking about that now"

You were about to keep ranting when you looked at his eyes for the first time, and gasped when you saw how blue they were.

"Did you take your medicines today?" you frowned when he shook his head "Why? Oh God" you groaned "Should we go to the hospital?"

He shook his head again.

"I just want to go home"

"Are you in too much pain, Ivar? Wait, I'll call a cab" you unlocked your phone and stood up.

_________________________________

You had never seen Ivar like that. So quiet and sad, looking at his own feet and not even reacting when you sat down next to him again.

"The cab will be here in ten minutes" you announced softly, regretting being to harsh on him a few minutes earlier "Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital? Maybe we should, it might get worse, what if something happens?" you bit your lip nervously "I should go and tell your family"

"No" he grabbed your arm when you were about to stand up again "Don't tell them, it'll be fine as soon as I get home, take the pills and rest a bit"

"Okay" you sighed "But at least let me get Hvitserk so he can go with you"

Ivar's face changed again, this time he looked like a lost puppy, his pouty lips parted and his eyes fixed on yours, nearly begging.

"Aren't you coming with me?" he whispered, and you sighed.

"I shouldn't" you muttered in reply "I don't think..."

"Please" he insisted, and you noticed the two of you were too close "We need to talk"

He was so soft, so vulnerable in that moment that you nodded slowly, and let yourself lean into him slowly just before you heard someone calling your name.

Hvitserk left the building at the same time you got away from Ivar quickly turning your head to look at him. Ivar looked irritated by the interruption, but didn't say anything.

"Hey" he looked surprised to see the both of you there "Y/N, Alfred said you'd be out here" he frowned "Ivar, I was looking for you... Is everything okay?"

"Hi" you smiled softly "Ivar is not feeling good, he's in pain" you explained, standing up and approaching him "I called a cab"

Hvitserk's big brother side showed up when he walked over to Ivar, frowning.

"You didn't take the medicines?"

"I fought with Freydis, I forgot" he shrugged.

"Where is she?" Hvitserk looked around, a bit confused.

Ivar didn't reply, but they seemed to understand each other perfectly.

You gave them a few minutes together, until you approached them again. Hvitserk stood up with a sigh and shook his head.

"You can leave" he said softly, caressing your arm "I will stay with him"

You heard the cab arriving and looked at Ivar.

"I..." you took Hvitserk's hands "Maybe I should stay with him"

He took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head.

"Y/N..."

"It's okay" you chuckled "It's fine, Hvitserk, I'm fine"

"Are you sure?" he whispered "He is..."

"I know, and it will be okay, we... Need to talk, I think"

If Hvitserk thought you were stupid, he didn't say it.

"If you need anything, call me, okay?"

You nodded as he kissed your temple softly. You could feel Ivar's eyes on you, burning, when the cab stopped next to you and Hvitserk turned to help him.

____________________________________

It felt too familiar to enter their flat, to help Ivar sit on the couch before taking the medicines to him with a glass of water. You were so used to the process that for a moment you forgot everything had changed since the last time you did it.

He did look more relaxed after a few minutes, when you sat on the couch and took your heels off with a tired sigh. You could feel Ivar's eyes on you, but tried to ignore him, too exhausted to start arguing with him again. You felt the pressure on your chest again, as you always did when someone mentioned him or when you saw him, but this time it was a bit less intense, maybe because Freydis wasn't around.

"I'm going to bed" he announced after a few minutes, you supposed that the strong painkillers had already kicked it at least a bit "Today was shit"

You wanted to scream at him, every day had been shit for the last few months because of him. But you were too exhausted of yelling, arguing and crying because of him, you wanted a truce, even if it was just for a few hours.

Ivar got up, grunting and taking deep breaths as he moved slowly towards his bedroom. At first, you weren't even thinking about helping him, you had already done too much for him that night, much more than he actually deserved. But when you looked at him and saw him struggling, you couldn't help it and got up to help him. Usually, Ivar would frown and say he didn't need help, but this time he didn't say a word until you reached his bedroom.

You bit your lip, looking around the room and remembering the last time you were in there. Ivar let himself fall on the bed and sighed in relief when he got to take the braces off. You sat on the bed and looked at him sternly.

"Hvitserk said you've been skipping therapy sessions" you narrowed your eyes at him "And didn't go to doctor's appointments, this is what you get for being an idiot"

Ivar raised an eyebrow, and the ghost of a smile danced on his lips as he turned his head to you.

"You and Hvitserk talked a lot about me, didn't you?" he scoffed "Did he also mention me when you were fucking?"

You rolled your eyes, but you weren't going to play his game anymore, not that night.

"Anyway, I'm leaving" you stood up "Go to sleep and call the doctor tomorrow"

Ivar narrowed his eyes at you.

"I thought we needed to talk" he scowled "But now you want to run back to Alfred"

"Look" you sighed, crossing your arms "You're tired and on a bad mood, I'm tired and a bit drunk, talking it's probably not a good idea, so try and get some rest and we'll talk some other day"

"I saw you dancing" he ignored you completely, making you sigh again "With him"

"Yes, and what about it? You have no right to be bothered by that, because you were with your girlfriend"

"She's no longer my girlfriend" he clenched his jaw and his voice broke a bit "It's over"

Your expression softened. Even if you'd love to slap him in that moment, your heart broke a bit knowing he was hurt.

"What happened?" you asked softly "The last time you told me you loved each other and all of that"

Ivar shrugged, looking away and taking a deep breath.

"I don't know, I suppose she didn't love me that much"

You looked at him with a pout. You could feel that dull pain on your heart when you thought about him, you missed him with your entire life, the thought of your relationship hurt and you knew it will keep hurting forever. Ivar probably didn't care about you, or maybe he saw you more like a friend, because it was obvious Freydis had marked him much more than you in just a few months, you had seen him looking at her. So probably she was his Ivar, that thing that would be painful his entire life.

A part of you wanted to be happy. They broke up, he was mistaken and it didn't work out. But you couldn't do it when you looked into his eyes and saw pain. You couldn't see him in pain.

"I'm sorry" you said softly.

"Are you?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes" you rolled your eyes "I don't want to see you sad"

"Wouldn't you feel better yelling and insulting me?"

"Maybe" you shrugged "But I don't have the strength to do it"

Ivar nodded. He didn't have the energy to fight either. You laid down next to him, careful not to wrinkle the dress. Ivar stared at you intensely, and felt the tug on his chest again. He missed you more than he actually realized. It had been during the wedding, when he saw you looking stunning, smiling and greeting people... With Alfred next to you. He knew you'd be worried about him because he hadn't taken the medicines, that you'd make him sit down and would make everyone approach him so he wouldn't have to walk, that you'd take care of him, and if he was feeling better, would make him try to dance with you after the feast. Now you were dancing with Alfred, giggling and hugging his brother, and barely looked at him. And Freydis noticed.

When you looked at him again, he was much closer than you remembered, and it started you as you tried to move, flustered and suddenly very nervous.

"Y/N" he muttered, his hand grabbed your wrist softly and you widened your eyes "Stay, please"

You got lost into his eyes again. They had something magnetic, that attracted and locked you in.

His hand cupped your head to pull you closer, and the pressure on your chest turned into a warm feeling when his lips pressed against yours. It was like coming back after a long trip, when you realized just how much you had missed home, and everything was familiar and in its place. You closed your eyes and kissed him back slowly, too into him to even realize what was happening. Ivar broke the kiss and pecked your lips again a couple of times before deepening the kiss. His hand traveled down your back, making you tremble, until it reached your waist. You couldn't remember when was the last time Ivar kissed you like that, not even when the two of you were still together. He caressed your body over the soft fabric of the dress, and you vaguely thought about the wrinkles but realized you didn't even care.

"Ivar" you muttered against his lips "What are you doing?"

He didn't answer, but kissed you again as his fingers fumbled with the zip of your dress.

"You looked so beautiful today" he sighed "I couldn't stand to even think about someone else taking this dress off"

You were going to reply, but his lips on your neck turned what was going to be a dignified reply into a moan. Ivar had that thing, that charm that was too much for you to handle. He knew your weaknesses, your soft spots and what to do to make you melt in his arms. He knew you couldn't resist him, not even if you wanted to.

It was like going back in time, all the thoughts about the breakup, Freydis, Alfred and Hvitserk left your mind as he took the dress off, throwing it to the other side of the room and biting his lip with a smirk when he recognized the underwear. You tugged on his clothes, and the two of you broke the kiss so he could take the shirt and the tie. You sighed when you saw his tattoos again. You has missed him so much, and how his warm skin felt under your fingers, how his body tensed under your touch.

"Can I?" he asked biting your lower lip, his fingers grazed the side of your panties and you closed your eyes in anticipation before nodding.

"Yes" you moaned, moving to straddle him as you took your bra off. Ivar groaned and pushed his hips against you. Finally, his fingers found your sex, and he pressed onto your clit, and when he started rubbing it in circles you started trembling again.

You tried to touch his member, but you could barely move, until he pushed your panties aside and two of his fingers teased your entrance before entering you. The both of you moaned at the same time, and you moved your hips against his hand trying to follow his pace.

"Gods, you look so beautiful" he groaned, his free hand caressed your body and his lips captured one of your nipples. It was too much, and when he pressed his palm against your clit you gasped and your walls clenched around his fingers. But then he stopped, and your moans of pleasure turned into a bothered whine. You opened your eyes to glare at him and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"You're not going to cum until I'm inside of you" he whispered against your neck. You quickly fumbled with his pants, and when you finally freed his hard member Ivar groaned again. You would have loved to return the favor and leave him on the edge, but you couldn't wait, you needed him. You had waited enough.

"Put it in for me, kitten"

You nearly came hearing his voice on your ear, whispering the pet name he used to call you. Your hand clenched around his cock and he rolled his eyes and moaned deeply, letting you enjoy pretending you had the power for a few seconds. Until you pressed his member against your entrance and he grabbed your hips and thrusted into you.

Your mouth widened on a silent moan. It was intense, and Ivar let you adjust to the size before starting moving, but once he started, he couldn't stop. He sat down to kiss you again, and you grabbed his shoulders and his arms when your legs were too weak to support you anymore.

"Ivar" you moaned against his neck "God, Ivar"

"I missed you so much" he muttered, and it sounded like he truly meant it.

You didn't really have time to think whether he meant it or not because the warm tingle on your lower belly was becoming too much. Your walls started clenching around him and his thrust became sloppy. He breathed heavily against your skin.

"I'm not going to last" he whispered again "You're too much"

You had missed this Ivar so much.

You came around him, moaning his name and digging your nails into his back, your body shaking around him and your face hidden into his neck. Ivar came right after you, and he quickly turned his head to fix his ocean eyes into yours, with his pouty and swollen lips parted just before kissing you again, making you sigh and smile, happy for the first time in months.

____________________________________

Tags: @mblaqgi @alicedopey @lol-haha-joke @hallowed-heathen @naaladareia @tephi101 @captstefanbrandt @love-hate-love @titty-teetee @readsalot73 @moondustmemories @therealcalicali @blushingskywalker @awkwardfangirl02 @gruffle1 @justacripple @love-dria @heartbeats-wildly @letsrunawaytotomorrow @inforapound @sallydelys @hellogabysblog @winchesterwife27 @hecohansen31 @youbloodymadgenius @xinyourdreamsx @funmadnessandbadassvikings @eteramfools @tgrrose @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @lovessce @tootie-fruity @didiintheblog @alexhandersenx @belovedcherry @fantasydevil2002 @xceafh @astrape-the-weatherwitch @destynelseclipsa @poisonous00 @littlebear423 @justbloodlydreaming @xbellaxcarolinax @soleil-dor @geekydane-post @katarokkar11 @crackhead1-800 @momowhoo @pedrolorian @flokisdaughter @crazybunnyladysworld @anotherfan07 @heavenly1927 @jungkxxkk @satanhalsey @nanahachikyuu @cocovikings23​ @ecarroll1978 @darlingjae

[ladylillianrose]

Let’s Give Them Something To Talk About a Lenny/Midge Fanfiction

A/N: You all had quite the reactions to the last update. I enjoyed reading all your comments!  As always I appreciate you all reading!

We're heading toward the end now, only 2 more chapters left!

Chapter Summary: Midge returns to New York and life goes on.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

AO3

Chapter 8

Much to Midge’s relief, Shy's tour hiatus quickly became the newspapers’ main focus, she didn’t think she could handle seeing the continued commentary about her and Lenny’s “marriage.” Broken-hearted and her future uncertain, Midge returned home to New York.

She still didn't understand what had happened with Lenny, one minute they were waking up in bed together, happy and affectionate, then the next he was gone.

So she threw herself into whatever work Susie could get her, radio commercials, a few gigs here and there, anything she could do to keep her mind off him. 

______________________________________________

"So what happened?" Abe finally asked Rose. He couldn't understand what had gone wrong between Miriam and Lenny. All he knew now was that Miriam was a shell of her former self, exhausting herself with work, it was painful to see her this way.

"I haven't the faintest idea. We spoke, I thought he was going to tell her that he loved her but then he just disappeared," Rose explained.

Abe frowned, "Well you must have said something."

"I practically gave him our blessing to actually marry Miriam!” Rose threw up her hands in frustration.

"Well Miriam isn't saying anything, and I wouldn’t know how to begin to look for him," Abe mused.

"What about Miriam's manager, Susie? Would she know how to find him?" Rose suggested.

He shrugged, "It’s as good a place to start as any.”

____________________________________________

Susie knew exactly where Lenny was, she'd been keeping tabs on his whereabouts, just in case Midge ever brought him up.

"They couldn't be more right for each other, but they're both the most stubborn pains in the ass I've ever known," she said, shaking her head. "Hopefully I can talk some sense into him because Miriam is fucking miserable without him. Not that she’ll admit it."

Abe nodded in agreement, "Well whatever you can do, it's bound to be better than leaving it up to the two of them."

____________________________________________________

Susie spotted Lenny with his head in his hands at the bar, an empty glass in front of him.

"Hey asshole," she greeted him, sliding into an open seat.

"Shit, did I die? Am I in hell?" Lenny groaned and peered through his fingers to glance at Susie.

"No, but you're going to wish you were by the time we're done."

Lenny signaled the bartender to pour him another drink, but Susie intercepted the glass before he could grab it.

"You're going to be as sober as you can for this conversation. I'm not going to repeat myself, so you better fucking pay attention."

"Fuck," Lenny reluctantly sat up and looked at Susie.

"Fuck is right. Do you realize how much of a fucking mess you've made of things?" Susie glared at him.

"I did what I thought was best for the both of us okay? Yeah, I'm a schmuck, that's not news, " Lenny defensively replied.

"You of all people should know how Miriam feels about others deciding what's best for her."

"She's pretty pissed isn't she," he frowned. She was probably mad that he left her to deal with the papers alone and maybe that he didn't say goodbye.

"Actually she hasn't mentioned your name once since she told us you left."

"Shit," that hurt more than he wanted to admit. 

Taking a drink she looked over at him. "You know she was waiting at the bar for you that night."

“I don't get it, you two were disgustingly lovey-dovey when you left that morning. Then you left her that stupid note and just fucking disappeared," Susie was pissed as hell, he'd broken Miriam's heart and abandoned her on top of that.

He was quiet, this wasn't the cocky Lenny she was used to dealing with. This was a man who looked like he'd lost the only thing that mattered to him. 

"I know, I overheard you two talking," he confessed.

Susie stared at him, “You were there?”

He nodded, lighting a cigarette,

“I heard Midge agree to the break-up announcement you cooked up. I figured that meant she was done playing house with me. Unlike some people, I know when I’m not wanted,” he looked at Susie pointedly.

Ignoring the barb, Susie rolled her eyes, “You're a real fucking piece of work, you know that?"

Lenny shrugged as he took a drag from his cigarette.

"That night? After you heard her agree to the announcement? She told me she didn’t want to end things with you." 

He looked up at her in surprise. 

"She headed to your hotel to tell you herself, but you'd already bolted by then."

Lenny sat there in shock, absorbing what Susie had told him. She hadn't wanted to end things? Wait did that mean?

"Yeah asshole, it means she loves you," Susie shook her head in disbelief.

For the first time in a month Lenny felt a spark of hope, she loved him? Oh shit, she loved him!

"And there's the other shoe," Susie muttered finishing off the whiskey. 

"I really fucked this up didn't I?" Lenny slumped against the bar.

"Yup, you sure did."

He cracked open an eye to glare at her, "What no words of wisdom for winning her back?"

"Oh no, that's all you lover boy! She'll already be gunning for me if she finds out I even breathed the same air as you."

He winced, "That bad?"

Susie nodded, "She's doing a show on Wednesday night at the Gaslight. You've got a few days until then, I suggest you figure this shit out."

Lenny nodded, as Susie got up to leave.

"Hey, uh Susie….thanks."

"I didn't do it for you, I did it for Midge. So don't fuck this up."

[to-come-alive]

The Dizi Tag Game

Rules: Answer the questions and then tag people you want to participate! (Also tag it #The Dizi Tag Game so we can see everyone’s lists)

Tagged by: @thescorpioracer thank you!!

1. Your first dizi and how you discovered turkish dramas

Medcezir. It was back in 2014, I encountered this gif of yamira on the internet. After that I searched for other gifs and watched random scenes without subs (I didn't understand anything). Only in 2015 I decided to look for the show to watch with subs, and finally watched it.

2. Shows you're currently watching

I'm not watching anything right now. I'm giving a break from dizis, but I'll come back.

3. Your favorite genre of dizi (romcom, mafia show, contemporary drama, historical/fantasy, etc.)

Romcom. I love comedy and I love romance, so that's the perfect genre for me. But a show that has a cute pairing and a story that revolves around them it catches me. Drama is not my favorite genre bc I always lose excitement for the show after some time, but I tend to give it a try. I haven't tried any other genre, and I don't intend to.

4. The show you rewatched (parts of) the most

Medcezir. It's the first one, so it's the one I'm always coming back bc it's special. But Love 101 comes right after, it was the first dizi I watched after a long time, and it was in the beginning of the pandemic so it's kinda special to me too. It was like an awakening.

5. Favorite turkish actor and actress (feel free to pick multiples)

Serenay Sarıkaya, Çağatay Ulusoy, Hazar Ergüçlü, Demet Özdemir, Engin Öztürk, İpek Filiz Yazıcı, Kubilay Aka, Alperen Duymaz (although I haven't watched anything from him, every gif and video I see from his latest shows he's just funny and cute, maybe one day I'll watch something from him).

6. A show you quit before finishing

Kara Para Aşk, İçerde, Arıza (I tried but I have a problem with mafia shows). And Erkenci Kuş and Sen Çal Kapımı. One day I'll come back to EK, but SÇK I just can't anymore.

7. Favorite songs you have discovered in dizis

Bana Öyle Bakma from Teoman I discovered in Bana Sevmeyi Anlat; Kanatlarım var Ruhumda from Nil Karaibrahimgil, Isyan from Halil Sezai and Aşk Kırıntıları by Teoman I heard in Medcezir; Resmen Aşığım from Nil I know from SÇK.

8. The show whose plot disappointed you the most

Sen Çal Kapımı, after Serkan's memory loss I just couldn't continue. And Her Yerde Sen, everyone says they love this show but the way Demir handled their relationship problems by simply locking her up until she accepted listening to him was just toxic for me, and I just don't understand how nobody sees it. I just finished bc when I couldn't stand anymore it was the second to last ep already.

9. A show that was cancelled too soon/ran too long

Fortunately for me I never watched a dizi that was cancelled abruptly. As for the ones that ran too long, EK and SÇK. SÇK should have ended before all the memory loss thing.

10. Favorite characters

Mira (Medcezir); Sanem (EK); Sinan, Osman and Işık (Love 101).

11. Your favorite romantic pairings

Yamira (Medcezir), they don't do romantic scenes like theirs anymore, it's amazing the amount of times they make out in this dizi. Seriously. And they're so cute and good with each other, I love them; DicBar (Menajerimi Ara, I never watched this dizi but every gif and scene I see they're just perfect); Sinan and Işık (Love 101)

12. Favorite side characters

CeyCey (EK); Melo (SÇK); Mert and Eylül (Medcezir); Mühtar and Turan, only when he was with Mühtar (50m2)

13. Best kiss

It's Yamira's of course. It was hard to pick just one bc, like I said before, it's just too much making out. But after thinking about it, it has to be this one. They were both mad at each other so I was not expecting that kiss.

But there's another kiss I can't forget. Sinan and Işık are simply beautiful together.

14. An underrated show more people should watch

Love 101. I just feel that this show deserves more love than it has.

15. A show everyone loves that you aren't interested

Her Yerde Sen. I've already said my reasons, basically Demir was toxic and didn't respected Selin's choices. He treated her like a child at times, locking her up and not giving her time to digest the way he lied to her, and it bothered me, although she really behaved like a baby sometimes (which bothered me same). I couldn't ship them and sometimes I just watched bc of the side characters. Burak and Eylül were waaaay better together.

Other than that, I don't feel like watching Çukur, Hercai, Kiralık Aşk and many others. I have a friend who's watching KA and she's loving it, but I just don't feel it, you know.

16. A show you want to recomend right now

Medcezir. Just watch it if you like drama and romance. The first season is good but the second manages to make it better, especially the second half of it. Mira and Yaman's relationship just evolves to a new level, they trust each other and take care of each other, it's just beautiful (and most importantly, through most of the series they are together, they broke up twice in 77 eps, and the second time they spent like idk 10 ep apart, but when they get back together they don't separate anymore). And Serenay and Çağatay are just amazing in this dizi, they're great actors. And I recomend Love 101 too. It's funny, dramatic, romantic. The pace of the story is great, the relationships in this show evolve beautifully and we really get to root for the characters.

17. The next show on your list

The summer dizis: Cam Tavanlar, Baht Oyunu and Kazara Aşk. And I'm still waiting for Ada Masalı's teaser, but I'm planning on watching it.

Tagging: anyone who wants to do it! C'mon guys, it's fun!!