#i've noticed a lot of connections between lyrics in different songs of hers

[starrywangxian]

my clematis: mizisua ver vs. ivantill ver

i've noticed a lot of people comparing ivan and sua so i thought i'd take a look at the difference of their versions of my clematis to see who sings which part - over the cut!!

i also ramble about the parallels/similarities/differences between the four characters after.

(i'll be looking at the english translation because i can't speak korean T^T)

(if i get anything wrong, please let me know!!)

till / sua: oh my clematis

till / sua: hope bloomed from the abyss

ivan / mizi: oh my clematis

ivan / mizi: always be by my side

till / sua: you bloomed from

till / sua: the huge black wall

ivan / mizi: the galactic starlight

ivan / mizi: in your eyes spreads out

ivan / mizi: in the endless darkness

ivan / mizi: i find you with your scent

till / mizi: even if i sleep in infinity

till / sua: don't leave my universe

ivan & till / mizi & sua: oh my clematis

ivan & till / mizi & sua: hope bloomed from the abyss

ivan & till / mizi & sua: oh my clematis

ivan & till / mizi & sua: always be by my side

ivan / mizi: do you believe in god?

till: no! stop talking

ivan / mizi: once upon a time, mankind believed in god and had religion

till: sigh...

ivan / mizi: they believe that things that cannot be solved by human strength

ivan/ mizi: are the will of god

ivan / mizi: believed that the entire universe revolved around the earth

ivan / mizi: thought that the place that connected with the sky, which they could not dare to reach

ivan / mizi: was the place where the gods lived

till: that's just ridiculous.

ivan / mizi: from the moment humanity left the universe, we all forgot god

ivan / mizi: but if belief in god is human

ivan / mizi: if all i can do as a human is to believe

till: why are you staring at me?

ivan / mizi: my god

till: hey, hey! wait!

ivan / mizi: my universe

till: ah, go away!! ahhhhh

till / mizi: oh my clematis

till / mizi: hope withered in the abyss

ivan / mizi: oh my clematis

ivan / mizi: please stay by my side

ivan: my clematis / mizi: oh my clematis

alrightyyy so i decided to do this because i feel like it's the best way to see how mizisua and ivantill compare. these particular characters covered these songs for a reason, right?

just to mention, i find it very interesting how till thinks the speech is ridiculous. does he say that because it's ivan that's saying it? or does he genuinely think it's ridiculous. because these words were originally mizi's. would he still think it's ridiulous if mizi was the one saying them? hmmmmm

but anyways to conclude. most of mizi's lyrics are covered by ivan and most of sua's lyrics are covered by till showing that, at least for this song, mizi and ivan are more similar than sua and till are, and if you think about it, it makes sense.

mizi saw sua as her god ("my god, my universe") and i think from how ivan only allowed himself to touch or show his feelings for till when he wasn't looking/unconscious has that same feeling, that ivan saw till as a god who was unattainable, untouchable in all circumstances except for when till was unaware. much like when you pray to god, you don't necessarily get a response back, you pray and hope that god hears it.

i know that most people compare sua and ivan because they have similar appearances and they both sacrifice themselves for their loves but i don't think that's quite the case.

for one, mizi and sua sang together and mizi only won by one point. their round was on equal footing as they both sang, complying with the rules of the game. they both accepted their fates, i feel like both were prepared to die for the other but mizi was unaware that sua was planning to sacrifice herself to make sure that mizi won. whereas, ivan and till sang separately and till won by 19 points. ivan could not bare the thought of till dying and manipulated the score which till was completely unaware of, even thinking that ivan was going to kill him right until the moment where he opened his eyes (which is AHHHHH). ivan and sua are opposites here and mizi and till were both unaware what the other was planning.

and i can see why people compare mizi and till together (i mean i judt did it ksdjksjd). mizi and till both win due to the others' sacrifice but if you think about it, these songs are about being left behind, right? we haven't seen how till feels about ivan's sacrifice yet but we know that ivan feels unseen by till. like he's been left behind. and he quite literally was left behind by till when they tried to escape on that night with the meteor shower. mizi was left behind by sua because she died but ivan was left behind by till because he cared about someone else more.

and, i mean, mizi is the one who covers black sorrow, not sua. and black sorrow is a song about not being able to reach someone (ï can't reach you"), about standing next to someone who shines (ÿou who shine, i stand next to you" <- this also adds to the idea that ivan/mizi see the other as a god), about waiting for someone (ivan waiting for till to notice him and mizi waiting for sua to return to her). so are sua and ivan really that similar?

and i mean mizi dyes the ends of her hair blue, which is ivan's colour, not green (till's colour)...

anyway i'm rambling at this point but hopefully you can make sense of what i'm trying to get at lmao

(feel free to add your own thoughts!!)

[the-blue-eyed-firebender]

Hi!

Have I ever told you this? (Probably! But I'll say it again, ha) It's been an absolute treat reading your Royai fics. Thank you for joining this fandom!

What are your inspirations? 😃 In terms of writing style, but also ideas, etc. Please indulge us all, and please do geek out about your writing process too!

I always love learning about how fan fic writers work and write!

Thank you, and I hope you have a lovely day~

Hey there!

You are so kind. It's hard to put into words how much it means to have had such a lovely reception from the FMA fandom. I used to write a lot when I was a kid, but eventually stopped due to some unfortunate and painful circumstances. Writing for this fandom over the last couple of months has been an incredible journey. It has healed some very intrinsic parts of me that I’d forgotten were wounded, and I have written more in the last few months than I have in 15+ years.

So, first and foremost, thank YOU.

Inspirations: I've always been a lover of fantasy and science fiction. My very first fandom was Star Wars, followed shortly thereafter by Avatar: The Last Airbender. Recently, I've become a huge Sarah J. Maas fan (I read ALL of her books in the year 2023 - minus the new one that came out in January). I've also enjoyed Suzanne Collins and Leigh Bardugo (particularly her Six of Crows duology).

But really, I just love stories. I love adventure, magic, and romance. I look for complex characters, vibrant worlds, strong magic systems, and rich backstories. My favorites always involve women who embody strength (mental, physical, and emotional), capable leadership, and femininity. Characters who are equal parts war-like and compassionate, fearsome yet soft.

But my very best inspiration comes from real-life: my sweet husband. It's going to sound silly, but I feel like I write about true love because I've experienced it. This guy was 100% written by a woman (lol). He's read everything I've written, and provides the most wonderful feedback and encouragement.

As far as style/process, I feel like I am still developing it? Haha! It's only been a minute since I got back into writing. But it usually starts with daydreaming to music (often songs without lyrics; Secession Studies is a favorite), typically while I'm in the car. With my first FMA fic, The Counteroffer, I was listening to "Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone on repeat. Something about the way he sings "Please stay / I want you, I need you, oh God" really set the tone for that story. That, combined with inspiration from the infamous Chapter 54 of A Court of Mist and Fury.

There's usually an moment or a line of dialogue that pops into my brain first (for The Counteroffer, it was Hawkeye lifting the discharge paperwork to find Mustang has also given her an unsigned marriage certificate). I write that bit, then the rest of the story sort of fills in around it. I write in disjointed fragments, adding chunks here and there and then connecting them together. Sometimes I shuffle things around, moving chunks to different locations in the story to see how it changes the flow.

Beginnings, endings, and titles are usually the hardest for me to come up with.

And here's a few of my own patterns that I've started to notice:

I love stories that read with a poetic beat to them (I think the best example of this in my own work is Hourglass).

I use line breaks for emphasis a lot.

I am intentional about keeping things concise but impactful. When it comes to word count, my personal rule is quality > quantity, always.

I try not to use "said/says" without other descriptive words.

If a portion of the story is dialogue driven, I'll read it aloud to make sure it actually flows like real conversation.

I often drop "and" from sentences when I feel like it messes with the poetic flow ("She became familiar with the space between heartbeats, the squeeze of the trigger, the wet sound of a bullet finding its mark." - Hourglass).

In the same vein, I use a sort of "rule of threes" quite a bit. I break sentences into three parts, offer three descriptions of a character's observation/sensation/emotion, repeat the same phrase three times, etc. (Oh look, I've done it again.)

I write in third person, present tense, always from the perspective of one character at a time. I feel like this puts myself and the reader right in the middle of the action, as it's happening. I dive deep into the primary character's thoughts and senses, both internal and external.

I re-read/re-watch the original content (i.e. FMAB, the manga) often, even if it's just in small parts. It keeps me grounded to who these characters are, and prevents me from going OOC. It's so easy to lose track of characterization if it's been too long since I watched an episode or read a chapter.

Hoo boy this got long. Thanks so much for the delightful ask! It was a lot of fun to dive into my own writing process and habits.

[sfsolace]

Bridging the gap

Aspects of Neurodivergence in "Hakumei & Mikochi"

Part 1: Sen and Autism

A quick disclaimer before i start: Nobody in the story has been diagnosed with anything. It's manga about tiny people living in trees and stuff. Heck, there's people in real life who are most likely neurodivergent that just can't get an appointment anywhere to get diagnosed.

That being said, I've spotted a couple of things in the manga that spoke to me and i thought I'd share my thoughts about it.

This was originally a post about multiple characters in "Hakumei & Mikochi"; but i found so much to talk about with regards to Sen, that i split it into two posts.

Also normally I post screenshots first, then i explain what's going on in the picture; for this post i will write first and follow up with the screenshot. I hope this will still make sense.

Very minor spoilers for chapter 3, 4 and 7 of the manga, major spoilers for chapter 20.

Sen clearly has some autistic traits, in my opinion. She's depicted as oblivious to social cues and she has a very calm demeanor compared to the others. She also has a different vocabulary to them, not so much that characters comment on it in the story; but noticeable enough that it sticks out.

She also has (what i would call) a hyperfixation: her research. When talking about this, Sen gets fired up and has a seemingly endless supply of things to talk about.

Also in Chapter 4, she insists that "every house needs a laboratory" and makes some... peculiar design choices that are not considering what is traditional or socially accepted.

She also has an aversion to noise, seen in this screenshot i took from a later chapter.

You can also see it in chapter 3 when she tells Hakumei to make less noise because "George the turtle skeleton doesn't like it". Now, skeletons in the story are confirmed to have sentiments like that, but it's interesting to note that George seems fine while Sen admittedly doesn't like noise. So it is possible that she just used him as an excuse to avoid conflict.

Also interesting to note that later in the same scene as the first screenshot, Conju tries to antagonize her by saying she'll write her next song just for Sen, a "difficult, demanding little ballad", obviously a veiled jab at her. Sen doesn't seem to pick up on it and seems indifferent in general.

Conju is a very allistic character in my opinion, she loves emphasis and exaggeration and she has no problems making her feelings known to people. She does have problems socializing sometimes, but that is more due to her being, for the lack of a better term, a bit extra.

This is why chapter 20 pairs up Sen and Conju and focuses on the conflict that arises from that. From what we know in the manga, a lot of people seem to be easily charmed by Conju and she relies on those skills to make friends.

These skills don't seem to work much on Mikochi, as we see in Chapter 7; and in Chapter 20 we see Conju being downright frustrated at her inability to establish a connection to Sen. This feels very relatable from an autistic perspective. She tries to communicate in the way that is familiar to her and Sen doesn't respond how she expects it.

I think the manga does a great job at highlighting that neither of them is right or wrong for feeling/communicating this way; and that, by getting over their irritation, they can actually find common ground and build a friendship.

It's also important to note that Hakumei and Mikochi can serve as a buffer between Conju's and Sen's vastly different communication styles and often make an effort to "bridge the gap". It reminds me of the scene in Dungeon Meshi, where we see how Laios relies on his sister to bridge the gap for him. (See below)

During chapter 20, we see Hakumei and Mikochi repeatedly trying to engage both Conju and Sen, trying to smooth out any misunderstandings.

After hearing Sen singing along to a song with just "Lalala", we even see Conju on her next gig, singing a popular song without lyrics, so people feel more emboldened to sing along with it. So we know that their time together has had an impact on how Conju practices her singing.

At the end of chapter 20, after their shared adventure, we see Sen actually coming to see Conju sing. She doesn't make her way all the way inside the venue, but listens in from the door, accompanied by Hakumei and Mikochi. Conju sees her friends showing up and sings the actual song she wrote for Sen. It is a calm, quiet tune; so she actually tells the fully packed bar to be quiet while she plays.

I think after a chapter filled with so much interpersonal conflict, it is a really sweet way to wrap it up. Sen, with the help of Hakumei and Mikochi, feels emboldened to try something outside of her comfort zone. And Conju learns that her allistic experience isn't universal and that she can include people who would be left out otherwise.

That's my thoughts about Sen and chapter 20, i hope it makes sense even outside my own head. ^^

I know this would be better as a companion post for chapter 20, but I that is still 20 whole weeks away and i couldn't wait that long.

I'm currently working on the second half of this post, discussing neurodivergent traits in Hakumei and Mikochi, so please stay tuned for that!

Thank you for reading!

[greatsealed]

have you played fes or portable? it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on how they differ from reload to you!

oh i grew up playing FES & p3p!!!! i would love to go off

i won't lie, persona 3 is an extremely nostalgic and comforting game for me, so i was honestly terrified about a lot of p3r's changes. i remember reading articles months before the game came out about how all of the voice actors for SEES were new and how all of the tracks were gonna be remixed and i was legitimately terrified. i grew up with the original cast and got so attached to them/their careers that i looked up other media that they were in. to this day they are voice actors i can recognize and name right away!

the original soundtrack for p3 is so iconic too and i thought it'd lose its charm when it got remixed, but boy, was i wrong. the new battle theme (it's going down now), the lyrical changes to burn my dread - last battle, even the exam music and changing seasons. UGH, changing seasons has to be my absolute favorite of all of them... adding lyrics to the most catchy part is the best thing they could have done.

i will say (and this might be nostalgia talking), i am still really sad that yumi kawamura got replaced as the singer for nearly every song. i think the main songs that mess with me are the ones where her iconic vocals are replaced ("deep mentality" Specifically doesn't sound right with the new vocals imo), but on the whole, i like a ton of the new songs and the remixes.

onto things that aren't surface-level changes, lmao-

i absolutely adore the screentime they added for strega. they played a part in persona 3, but they were always in the background. chidori got 90% of the screentime. seeing takaya have a crisis over his feelings for the protag & jin being super codependent with takaya was SO good. hearing more about their reasoning and their backstory being more fleshed out ugh;;; the bit with the prototype evoker fucked me up especially. and seeing takaya eventually resort to using an evoker in his boss fight? HURTS

(aigis vc) RYOJI RYOJI RYOJI, DEATH DEATH DEATH. the original game (while playing as the male protagonist, at least) did not focus on the relationship between him and the protag, like...at all. which is so funny because they made it a highlight in the manga AND the movie! i've always loved ryoji to bits, but i've also had to rely a lot on the femc's route and the movie to think about how they could have bonded in the original :( thank god reload gave my boy more content because he NEEDED it. ryoji's connection to the protagonist should really be emphasized in every piece of media, and they FINALLY did it. also just about every day before i reached november, i would rant to my husband about how "there needs to be more ryoji/protag content. it doesn't HAVE to be on the level of "i'd love you even if you were a boy" but i need SOMETHING." and then atlus smacked me with "i want to be something more" and i LOST IT. THEY DID THE THING. atlus embracing the romantic tension between them MY BELOVED. (in case it isn't obvious, ryomina is my favorite ship)

SHINJIRO. the first time i played persona 3, i really didn't care for him (i've never liked characters who are stand-offish and constantly push people away without apparent reason). it was only after i realized the greater backstory that i learned to appreciate and sympathize with his character, and imo, one of p3r's greatest additions was the ability to interact with shinjiro and ken before shit goes down. shinjiro's plotline where you try to convince him to go back to school is devastating, especially when (spoilers) you find a re-enrollment form filled out in his room. absolutely fucking HEARTBREAKING. i already cried during his death (way more than i did in the original game, which is kinda crazy), but damn, they got tears out of me AGAIN with that one. i also noticed that there's a lot more foreshadowing and it is SO effective. i already went off about this on my shinjiro blog, but damn, they fucking nailed it with him.

FRIENDSHIP ROUTES!!! i can't tell you how frustrating it was trying to balance social links between all of the girls. it made me lean more into focusing on yukari (best girl) and nobody else lmao. one of the points of persona 3 was that social links were near-impossible to complete, and they really realized that goal with the girls imo. however!! getting to see the protagonist opt for friendships is really sweet. i love seeing a good rejection where neither party holds a grudge or feels humiliated. it's a really nice touch, especially because i've always wanted to see how friendships would pan out between the mc and the Gorls.

general quality of life changes & the addition of theurgy. i love that theurgy had more depth to it than just a "super move;" looking at the personality conditions is so nice and adds more to the characters than they already had. seeing that shinjiro's resolve deepens when his hp is less than half made me so :'))))

those are big things i love about p3r's changes. aside from the protag not being able to change weapons (my favorite part of original p3), i think the biggest complaint i have is that they left out the answer (p3p has been ported to modern consoles, so you can still experience the femc's route, but the answer is ONLY on ps2 to this day), and even then, i've read that they're planning to add it as dlc.

i've said this before and i'll say it again: i know people have gripes with the answer, but i absolutely adore it. it's the most realistic portrayal of grief among the dorm, which hits differently for EVERYONE. every single change to their personalities makes sense, especially taking their reliance on the protagonist into account. it's made so much more obvious in p3r (which i love), but everyone cares deeply about the protagonist. losing him is a devastating blow. and then aigis gaining his power? yukari is SO justified for being distraught and jealous. that's the realest shit i've ever seen.

also the fights between them because they can't decide whether to go to the past or look to the future...the entirety of the answer is heartbreaking because it hits so hard. yukari, who (aside from aigis) was hit the hardest by losing the protag, obviously wants to go to the past, back to a time when he was alive. the others either want to compromise or move on. the answer is about accepting life's hardships and finding a way to move on and that's beautiful. it's always hit so hard for me.

that's not even delving into metis and aigis UGH... i could go off about the answer forever.

as for p3p-

i played p3p nearly every day when i was in middle / high school. i'd bring my psp to school and play it religiously. i still remember blasting "heartful cry" on my ipod and playing p3p on the bus, lmao.

it's not my favorite iteration of persona 3 now (p3p was good for travel + when i was in school and needed something to get me through the day), but i do have a soft spot for how much effort was put into the femc's route. i will say that i'm not as devastated as a good chunk of the fandom that the femc isn't in p3r or even p3d, but i do love her character and i hope she's also eventually added as dlc (if they're gonna add the answer, then why not add femc again?). i'm really glad she was included in pq2 though, ESPECIALLY because there were so many validating twin moments between her and the male protagonist :')))

i will say, as a final note, that p3r REALLY nailed the feeling of original p3, but i think it made me way more emotional with how it was executed. i've PLAYED the game a million times! i knew every plot detail, i knew exactly how the game would play out (aside from the new additions), and i STILL sobbed several times by the end of the game. i've said this to my husband, but p3r was so well-executed that i felt like i was playing the original game for the first time!! and as someone who has experienced the game MANY times, that's such an incredible feat. i adore the remake. i'm so glad that none of my initial fears were warranted.

for once: thank you, atlus.

[notebookmusical]

Okay part 2!!! I understand your reading slump and I haven't had a lot of time for reading lately either. I'm sorry you haven't been enjoying your reads. I will also be pretty busy over the next two months and I'm not sure how long it will take me to read or if I will focus on reading much at all but i'm gonna try. I plan on going back to Tomorrow x3 eventually cuz it did seem like it has potential and a story I might like but I always start books and forget about them anyway lol. You can explain the annotating for the Night Circus if you want! I don't like writing in books or anything but I can keep it in mind while reading. Although your annotations looked nice and clean from the pics I saw.I always try to look at any discussion questions in books too. Also if you have any opinions on who to picture for this book, that always helps me a little bit. But I was also thinking of trying to read the new Hunger Games this month. The new movie looks pretty good and I might never read it once I watch the movie. I've heard mixed things about it but I like the clips I've seen and Olivia Rodrigo has a new song for it! I heard it last night and liked it..it definitely has a Hunger Games sound to it. It actually reminds me of Safe and Sound mixed with Carolina. It's funny cuz Rachel and Olivia are sort of alike to me..they're the same age and had to adjust to fame quickly in a similar way. Idk if you ever watched the new West Side Story, but I love her voice.

I agree about the vault songs. I think its more that they picked certain songs cuz they wanted the album to tell a specific story. Taylor explained this with Slut vs Blank Space, and Is it Over Now vs Out of the Woods. For Maisie, it was more like some had an acoustic sound and she obviously wanted more fun songs maybe. Like..I prefer listening to The Last One or Truth Is over Run, but I understand why she picked it. Also my sister noticed a cool double meaning in the song..like is being the last one a good thing or bad thing basically and I thought that was interesting. Like I'll be the last one cheering you on..after everyone left or I'll be the last one you would even think of..and other people are more important than me. It's funny cuz sometimes we have different interpretations of a song. One example is High infidelity and the lyrics about killing the one you love and never loving them enough. She thought it was her that didn't love him enough and I thought it was him not loving her enough. So for Suburban Legends, I get a little confused too and can understand maybe why people would like the other songs more. I think at first, I just took the 2nd verse literally, about the high school reunion..which is something I then started thinking of my own life and relating to it. Then the line about I broke my own heart and you were too polite to do it kinda reminded me of Midnight Rain or the idea of You're On Your Own Kid..and how she had to choose between her dreams or relationship and the song is a fantasy if she chose him. This also ties in with the title of suburban legends once I actually thought about it. So when I compared it to Dorothea, it's kinda a similar idea..almost like the same perspective of the song Dorothea. Cardigan has a similar feel of lost love and longing to me. But I've now seen other interpretations that she is using high school as a metaphor and the song is back and forth and the person did not care about her as much. I kinda realized that cuz the first verse didn't quite match up with that interpretation. However it seemed to match with my experience in general so that's what the song means to me. It might have a hint of Gold Rush too..which I also connect to. To be clear, I don't really mean the story within the songs..just how it relates to me and my life. Teardrops, Hey Stephen and Stay Beautiful also tell a similar story.But like the ruin line I interpret as nothing the person did..just how life is, and you don't end up with the person you wanted in high school, but you'll always wonder what if. Idk if this is confusing, I thought it would be obvious or the point of the song, but it didn't seem to be the common interpretation lol. Also I can't believe she added more dates to the tour!

Connections was kinda hard for me today! I kinda had the right idea but sometimes I can't fill in every word in the category. I actually got blue first today which were the words that were letters. I knew royal flush and family went together but not the other two words even when I knew the category, so that happens sometimes too. I was so stuck on the double words one cuz I thought it was something to do with spelling. Or I'll get two categories pretty easily and be sort of lost with the other two haha. The game also tries to trick you a lot, like with apple and dell computers from yesterday too so it just depends. I think usually the easy ones are easy for me, and the hard ones are hard but there have been a few times I got purple first or 2nd. One time was the guitar parts, but I didn't know the horror directors from the other day at all. I usually find that fill in the blanks are pretty hard though. I hope you have a great time seeing Hadestown tomorrow!!! Can't wait to hear all about it!

if it makes you feel any better, i haven't picked up a book at all in like four days, and i most likely won't until i'm on a plane on friday! i'm trying to decide what book i want to take with me — i'm thinking of maybe bringing beautiful world, where are you by sally rooney; it'd be a reread/an annotation project (and yes, i know i'm in the middle of like four of those right now) but that's what i'm leaning towards. i might also try to read an arc on the plane? it's not a very long plane ride, so we'll see. with the night circus, i'm double annotating — which means i'm annotating two copies at the same time! one copy is for traveling book club (each person picks a book, you annotate → send it along to the next person in the group chat who then annotates/reads your annotations → passes it on, etc) and then i also wanted to annotate it for myself! but it's a very lengthy process. double annotating always takes me 50 million years. my friend em has fancasted dev patel as marco, and jessica henwick for celia and has been saying so for years so i always think of her + her fancast when people ask me this question, but personally i am terrible at fancasts and have yet to find someone who is the perfect celia / marco / etc. to me!

i haven't read tbosas either! i keep meaning to and then i ... never do. i feel like i should also reread the hunger games, if i'm going to read that though! have you listened to the new olivia song? i really liked it! i think it fits the vibes of the trailer/what i know of tbosas really well. and i have not watched the west side story movie! rachel is really talented, i remember seeing the video of her at broadway flea back in the day singing a little fall of rain with chris mccarrell haha! we have some mutual friends, fun fact!

i thought about changing my url to a the last one url but i felt like i had just changed mine to this and i'm trying to be better about changing my urls every single month. i also thought about changing it to a hockey url though! so we'll see! and yes — broke my own heart ... reminded me a lot of midnights! i think we talked about how a lot of the vault feels very midnights-y, and i think that's a prime example! and yes — like the 1! i love those what if/sliding doors stories/thoughts!! and i can't either — i'm hoping to get vancouver tickets since that's much closer to me than where i currently have eras tickets for (and my friend and i could maybe stay with my father), which would make things a lot easier/cheaper.

it's been a hot minute since i replied, but connections today (nov 5) was easy for me! the royal flush one was silly! i totally guessed with the horror directors one and all my friends in my group chat were surprised i got it! i started playing murdle a few days ago, and i've been having a lot of fun with it! there's the mini murdle and then the daily murdle — you should give it a try! my group chat also did colorfle for a while, and some of them do bandle, actordle, and moviegrid but i don't listen to enough music/watch enough movies to participate in those haha.

hadestown was fun; we had an understudy for orpheus (john krause!!!!), but the paramount theatre's sound system is really really finicky, especially for shows where the band is on stage, and so i just had a really hard time with act one sound wise. i could barely hear him, and then everyone else was super loud/the music was really loud, and it just detracted from the overall experience, but they fixed some of it by act two so that was more enjoyable! i also think (and i have thought this every time i see it, but it was more so noticeable this time) that act one feels very long in comparison to act two which is much faster paced! i also still think that they should close act 1 with wait for me, but i don't know where why we build the wall would fit! hmm...

how was your weekend? did you get up to anything fun? sending you a warm hug + hope you have a good upcoming week!!! 🤍 xo

[localspacelesbian]

Taylor Swift & Fate

Mastermind (Midnights, 2022)

Once upon a time, the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned You and I ended up in the same room at the same time And the touch of a hand lit the fuse Of a chain reaction of countermoves To assess the equation of you Checkmate, I couldn't lose

What if I told you none of it was accidental And the first night that you saw me, nothing was gonna stop me I laid the groundwork and then just like clockwork The dominoes cascaded in a line What if I told you I'm a mastermind? And now you're mine It was all by design 'Cause I'm a mastermind

in Mastermind, Taylor confesses that she doesn't actually believe in 'fate'. anything that she has previously credited to 'fate' was actually her own doing. none of it was accidental. she planned it all out from the beginning.

obviously, she's not god; she didn't literally plan every single thing that has ever happened to her. but i think it's pretty safe to say that she always has a plan and a pretty good idea of how it will work, especially as she's gotten older/smarter/more experienced.

all of her album releases, easter eggs (which she's said she sometimes plans out 3 years in advance), references, and i think most of her relationships since about the 1989 era have been very intentional. she has probably the best pr team in the world and is herself very intelligent and meticulous (and possibly neurodivergent, but that's a different post). if she's spotted by paparazzi, it's not an accident. there is no such thing as a 'candid' photo when you're taylor swift.

whether you think this song is about joe alwyn or karlie kloss or someone else (personally, i think it's at least partially about joe, but her songs are never about just 1 thing.), she is admitting that she basically picked this person out from the beginning to date. like a young lesbian picking out a boy to have a 'crush' on. (ok, that might be projecting a bit, but if you think joe's a beard, it does fit with the theory that joe is a beard.) she said 'i'm taylor fucking swift. i can have anyone i want, and i want that one.'

this song also confirms to me that the order of the song titles being released was not actually 'left up to fate' every one of those videos was completely intentional

2. long story short (evermore, 2020)

Fatefully I tried to pick my battles 'Til the battle picked me

no matter how much she plans, she can't control everything. but she can sure as hell try.

3. invisible string (folklore, 2020)

Time Curious time Gave me no compasses Gave me no signs Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?

it's pretty to think there's some invisible string tying us together, right? there isn't, but it's pretty to think that there is. it's pretty to think i'm not the mastermind.

4. State of Grace (Red, 2012)/State of Grace (Taylor's Version) (Red (Taylor's Version), 2021)

This is a state of grace This is the worthwhile fight Love is a ruthless game Unless you play it good and right These are the hands of fate You're my Achilles heel This is the golden age of something good and right and real

5. Starlight (Red, 2012)/Starlight (Taylor's Version) (Red (Taylor's Version), 2021)

He said, "Look at you, worrying too much about things you can't change You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way"

you know, i really thought there was going to be more examples of lyrics talking about fate. (especially with how often she talked about fate in the promo leading up to midnights) please let me know if i missed anything. i think the only real connection is probably between mastermind and invisible string, but what do i know?

[fansofvow]

Interview with Eve Golden Woods!

Many of you know who is Eve is. She's a writer and artist, a part of Dreamfeel studios whose beautiful game If Found won Best LGBTQ Narrative and Best LGBTQ Indie game at the first ever Gayming Awards presented by EA games. I am really excited I had the chance to ask Eve some questions about herself, her time at Lovestruck and her creative process.

Congratulations on the two Gayming Awards (Best LGBTQ Narrative, Best LGBTQ Indie Game) for "If Found" from your game studio, Dreamfeel. What was the inspiration behind making the game?

If Found... was a game that emerged out of a collaboration between Llaura McGee, the founder of Dreamfeel, and artist Liadh Young. Liadh's background is as a comic artist, and so when they started working together Llaura had the idea of showing off Liadh's art by making a diary game, and using an erasing mechanic she had previously developed to let the player move through the diary in a fun way. By the time I came on board at the start of 2019, the game had already been in development for a while, so in some ways my work on that game was similar to the work I did for Voltage, because it was taking existing characters and concepts and writing a lot of scripts for them. Unlike Voltage, though, my work for Dreamfeel was a lot more collaborative and I had a lot more creative input. I really enjoy taking something and helping to make it the best version of itself that it can possibly be, but I was also really happy that I got to reflect a lot of my own experiences in If Found. Llaura and I both grew up on the west coast of Ireland, and although If Found... isn't autobiographical for either of us, it was definitely really meaningful to be able to tell a story that reflected our own experiences of growing up as queer teens in a similar kind of environment. Since the game came out we've had fans reach out to us and tell us that they also connected to the experiences of the main characters, and as far as I'm concerned, that makes me feel like I achieved everything I wanted to.

You are a writer and a visual artist. Does one come easier to you than the other?

I used to think of art and writing as talents, and I always felt like my art was at a very mediocre level (that's probably still true, lol). So when I was younger I focused a lot more on writing. It was only later that I started genuinely trying to improve as an artist, but when I did, I think I had a much healthier mindset, and approached it as a skill I could learn with patience and effort. Because of that, even though I still have a lot more confidence in my writing, I find art more fun and relaxing, and I don't stress about it as much.

Did you always know you would follow a creative path?

Kind of? Both my parents are artists, and I grew up surrounded by artists and writers, so it was something that was always very familiar and accessible to me. On the other hand, I didn't exactly have a clear idea of how to make it into a career, or what kind of work would be involved. But there's never been a point in my life where I wasn't doing something creative, even if it was only writing fanfiction.

What did your path to working professionally as a writer/artist look like?

I did a creative writing masters in college, but after that I spent years teaching English as a second language. That was really fun and I got to live abroad, but it was so busy and tiring that I didn't have time to do any writing outside of the occasional fanfic. I only started to take art seriously again when I became interested in games and comics as ways of telling stories. I did some critical writing, which led me to speak at a few local events and get involved in zine fairs. That was how I met Llaura, the director and lead of the Dreamfeel studio, and it's also what gave me the confidence to start applying for actual writing jobs.

Is there any work of art, visual or written, that you look to for inspiration?

So many! I try to read and watch as widely as I can, although there are touchstones I always return to, like the works of Ursula Le Guin and Terry Pratchett. Right now I feel very passionate about the actual play podcast Friends at the Table, which manages to combine really thoughtful worldbuilding and storytelling with cool, fun characters and great action scenes. I'm also reading a book called The Memory Police by Youko Ogawa, which has extremely beautiful prose.

Do you have a favorite piece of your own art, whether it is something you’ve drawn, a screenshot of something you’ve written or something else?

My favourite piece of art is usually whatever I finished most recently (I think that's true for a lot of people). Especially with visual art, once a bit of time has gone by you look back on it and start to notice all your mistakes, which is very annoying. But actually I do still really like the first piece of Fiona fanart I did last year. I managed to use some effects to give it a kind of nineties anime quality that I find really fun, and I think it conveys an emotion pretty effectively. That's always one of the hardest things to predict with visual art, whether the different parts will come together to create the exact mood you're looking for.

I also really like the compass I did for Bycatch. Krissy (@xekstrin) was the one who suggested filling it with fingernails, which was such a good, gross idea! As soon as I heard that I knew it was perfect and that I had to try and draw it.

Many people who read this blog know you as a writer for Lovestruck. When you look back on your time there, what stands out in your mind?

Lovestruck was very important to me when I first started because it was my first ongoing, regular, paid writing work. It gave me a lot of confidence and helped me to get into the habit of writing consistently and rapidly, which is a really useful skill to have. I know I was right to leave when I did, though, because I am just brimming with energy to work on my own projects, and channeling that power into something that you can't control will always end up disappointing you. Also, I made a ton of incredible friends, through Lovestruck itself but then even more so through VOW (@vowtogether), and that is more than worth all the difficult parts.

Is there any character that you would have liked a crack at writing?

Oh gosh, what a fun question! There are so many, but one I do sometimes think about is Axia, just because I know there are a bunch of fans who want her route, and because I had fun writing her as a villain in Zain's route. I can see in my head the shadow of a storyline that takes place after Zain's route is over, where she's in prison and trying to understand how she lost the battle with Zain and MC. I think there's, like, a gap there, where you could see her downfall forcing her to reconsider her assumptions about power, and that could build into a very interesting redemption story. But maybe it's for the best I never got to do that, because I would have wanted full creative control over it, and also I think the story in my head is very different to the sexy, in control, menacing version of Axia that her fans enjoy.

Do you have any upcoming projects you can talk about?

Most of my current work is under NDA, but I will say that I'm doing something very exciting with other VOW members that we should be able to talk about soon(ish). Maybe I can even give a little teaser... It's not a game, but it is something you can read, and my part involves cakes, swamps, and a museum.

Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?

It's a big long, but there's a section from The Dispossessed by Ursula le Guin that has stayed with me ever since I read it:

"For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think."

It's such a profoundly radical way of imagining the world, so different to everything I was raised with, but whenever I think about it I feel like I can see something very beautiful and powerful that I hope to come closer to understanding some day.

And of course, "Solidarity forever, the union makes us strong."

I was a big fan of the show Inside the Actor’s Studio. Host James Lipton asked every single guest the same 10 concluding questions. I’ve picked 3 of them:

-What is your favorite word?

My favourite word: for sound, I like words you can really roll around on your tongue. Chthonic, alabaster, insinuation. For meaning, I think simple words that encapsulate big concepts have a kind of power to them. We use them so often we forget how big they are, how much weight they really have, but they give us the space to imagine new possibilities. Love. Freedom. Revolution.

-What is your least favorite word?

I've heard that "moist" is a lot of people's least favourite word but it doesn't actually bother me. My least favourite word is probably one where I feel like the sound doesn't match the meaning. One of the Irish words for rain is báisteach, which I feel has a much weightier and more onomatopoeic sound than rain. Rain is just very flat and uninteresting.

-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Oh, so many! I love history, and I think being a historian/archaeologist would be fascinating. Or something that had a physical component to it, like being a potter or a carpenter. I don't think I'd be any good, but I'd love to take the time to learn.

What would be your advice to anyone who wants to pursue a creative career?

All the work you do matters. Even the failed experiments, the things you hate when they're finished. It all helps to make you better. Also, creative career paths are often really unexpected, so chase any opportunity that seems remotely interesting. Don't work for free for anyone who can afford to pay, but work for yourself and put it somewhere. On a blog, twitter, whatever. You'd be amazed how many people get noticed and get offered opportunities because of something they made in their spare time. You'll probably have to work another job for a long time, so don't be hard on yourself if you're too tired to devote much energy to creative work. Try to make art consistently, but don't feel like that has to mean every day. Don't chase after celebrities. Make friends with your peers.

[amy-oswin-lovegood]

So I thought I would write a bit about episode 9 because it's beautiful and leaves me with lots of thoughts and feelings as well, but turns out I have a lot more thoughts than I thought I did, so here I'll just cover Life is good and Klikka (tw bipolar, mania, brief mention of suicide)

First, before the episode proper even starts, in the recap they finally mention Isak's comment in Pause. I understand why it was never brought up before, but every time in the recaps when they mention how flaky Even is, I still want to scream but you're missing the most important reason and I'm glad they finally make that connection in case the audience doesn't. It goes a long way to explaining why Even didn't say anything and acted the way he did, without having to have an explicit scene addressing it.

We open with Isak despondent on his bed and we know he probably hasn't slept at all. Hjernen er alene is playing in the background, and let me tell you when I found out that was the name of the song I was so impressed. The amount of detail and thought put into every moment of this show never ceases to amaze me.

Isak's phone keeps pinging as he reads about mania, and my heart goes out to him. I've had a lot of long research sessions, first when I found out a family member was bipolar, then when I started to think maybe I was bipolar, and then several times after my diagnosis including pretty recently, four years later. There's so much information, a lot of it contradictory, and it can be very overwhelming and scary. Especially when you start seeing things like only 40-60% are employed and life expectancy is lower by 20 years and suicide rate is 10-30 times higher and permanent disability. I've ended up feeling hopeless and in tears more than once.

Then, we see that Even's been texting him song lyrics, and my heart goes out to Even. I know what it's like to feel like something's so important that you just have to share it with a particular person right now because it means so much and you need them to get it, but also not understanding that they might not be receptive to that or make the same connections. Thankfully the people I've done this to have always responded in a very kind and understanding way, but at the same time I understand why Isak responds the way he does even though I know it would hurt to get a message like that. It's a lot, and he needs to set boundaries too, and maybe it's done in a cold way but at least he doesn't say anything mean or make any accusations. Which may seem like a low bar but unfortunately it kind of isn't.

And then he gets the text. And just. I don't know that I'll ever be able to watch that without crying. Just thinking about it makes me tear up. The dread when he thinks it's Even again. The way his face changes as he tears up and eventually breaks into a smile as the text finally appears to us.

To Isak, my son: from the first second I saw you on 21 June 1999 at 21:21, I have loved you and I will always love you, for eternity.

Isak is crying. I'm crying. Everyone's crying. It's exactly what he needed to hear when everything else has come crashing down. Going back to the last episode, I always notice the difference between how he comes out to his dad and his mom. With his dad, it's angry, daring him to react badly. But with his mom, it's just gentle and kind and caring. The way he says you don’t have to be afraid and sorry if it makes you sad, you can tell that despite anything he's said he still loves her and cares about her and wants her to love and accept him too.

And his mom's reply is so perfect. Because technically, she doesn't reply to anything he's said in his text. She doesn't comment on the boy Isak is seeing, or on God or the bible or sin as we might expect from her previous texts. Instead, she replies to the plea he's hidden between the lines. The part of the message saying I'm sorry I'm not what you want me to be, I still love you, please still love me. She tells him you have my unconditional love and acceptance, with no room for doubt. And for Isak, who's obsessed with parallel universes and infinite time, I'm sure that for eternity at the end holds a lot of weight, whether she knows it or not.

Okay, switching gears. We're at school, and Isak tells Jonas what happened, that Even is bipolar in an almost whisper. And then Magnus just strolls right in and announces to the world that his mom is also bipolar. And the first time I saw that, my heart stopped. My first instinct even now is panic. Because in my family, bipolar is not something you talk about. You fix as much of it as possible with treatment, and then shove the rest in a dark corner where no one can see. It's not exactly shameful, but you can't just tell people about it. It's personal and private, and people are told on a need-to-know basis. I didn't know that my family member had it until I was at least 15 even though it was affecting my everyday life. I still find it hard to tell people about me, even friends. But here's Magnus, casually acting like it's okay? It's just a lot.

The following conversation has done so much for me over the years. When I was first scared I might be bipolar, it told me that maybe it wouldn't be so bad, if Magnus' mom was doing well. When I was fresh out of my first manic episode and Magnus told Isak to ask Even how he feels, it's not like he's braindead like it was obvious, it was the first time I allowed myself to consider that maybe my feelings could still be valid too. Just the line she's not crazy, she's bipolar was so comforting. I definitely repeated that to myself more than once.

The first few times, I couldn't understand how Magnus could make a joke of it all, but eventually I started to see that yeah, maybe you can find some humour in it. Maybe it is funny that I, who am very prone to social and performance anxiety, was able to successfully wing an entire presentation to the VP of a big company and a lot of other executives without batting an eye. Or that I submitted the same assignment twice for one class because I couldn't be bothered to do it and still got 100% on both because the TA didn't read it. Maybe all the circular gallifreyan art I made is kind of cool and doesn't need to be shoved under a pile of junk on my desk. There's a lot of stories that are less funny, where I made mistakes, but maybe I don't have to just focus on those.

I love Magnus, and what they did with his character. The fact that he's goofy and tactless and sometimes ignorant does a lot for underlining his reaction in this episode. I'm not sure that I can pinpoint exactly how, but it feels very right that they chose Magnus to give Isak and the audience this message. I hope that this scene gave others as much comfort and understanding as it did for me.

[spicycreativity]

Fanfic Appreciation Week Day 7: A Place Where I Can Breathe

Yes, folks, I'm appreciating my own darn fanfic for the final day of Fanfic Appreciation Week because I worked really hard on it and it was a labor of love for/with one of my QPPs, my roommate, the man who got me into Sanders Sides: @\cadeorade-powercade (That's him in the aesthetic board)

Allow me to present the director's commentary for A Place Where I Can Breathe:

Content Warnings: All content warnings mentioned in the fic apply.

Chapter 1: I actually wrote this fairly late in the game. It's meant to serve as a prologue and orient the viewer in the universe, s opposed to staring on Chapter 2, which just throws the viewer in without context. I think it was a good choice, as it also allowed me to introduce the concept of the Sides having power focuses early on.

The Premise: Cade is a Virgil stan and he was getting frustrated looking for Virgil fic. He was finding a lot of stuff written without nuance by young authors, a sort of "by teenagers for teenagers" type deal. We are not teenagers, so we both have a hard time relating to that kind of teen angst fic, as we're not the target audience. So he asked me to write him a Virgil fic and we worked together to identify what plot he wanted, what the Mindscape looked like, and what quirks the Sides have. So a lot of this fic is quite gratuitous and self-indulgent

The Title: Lizzie McAlpine has a song called "Apple Pie" which includes the lyric "I've been running around trying to find a place where I can breathe." Apple Pie SCREAMS Moceit to me, and I had taken notice of the lyric and wanted to use it as the title for a Moceit fic. I didn't really have an idea beyond that, and when Cade asked me to write this fic, I realized it was actually perfect and summed up Virgil's inner struggle quite nicely. So cheers to "A Place Where I Can Breathe," the Moceit Fic That Wasn't

-Cade asked me specifically to include Virgil having a spider and I wrote nearly the whole fic without doing so, then had to go back and sprinkle some references in. I think I managed 2 total.

Chapter 2:

"Uh, how about I hold off on that until I actually see my room?" Virgil stared expectantly at Roman, who bounced on his toes. "Lead on, Macduff."

"That's not the line and you know it," Roman complained, but he turned to lead Virgil to his room. "It's ' lay on, Macduff,' and--"

-This fic was originally supposed to reach a climax with a confrontation between Remus and Roman, and "lay on, Macduff" would come back as a brick joke. Unfortunately, the original ending was a result of me getting tired and lazy, so I had to go back and fix it, and we lost the Roman-Remus confrontation.

It was hard for Virgil to not shudder at the sudden heat and weight on him. With his senses already open and taking in more information than his brain seemed to want to process, touch was an added stressor, more unwanted sensory input.

-Virgil being touch-averse is a direct shoutout to Cade, who is also touch-averse.

Roman had already transformed the living room: metallic streamers of purple and black stretched across the corners of the ceiling, and shiny balloons spelling out A-N-X-E-I-T-Y hovered above the TV.

-Upon first writing, Virgil had already given the upstairs crew his name, so the banner spelled out "VIRIGL" which is way funnier than "ANXEITY." But then his name reveal became a plot point so I had to go back and change it.

-Let! Virgil! Be! Mean!

-Virgil's line about hearing refrigerator noise when Roman talks is another shout-out to Cade, who has leveled that accusation at me

A small, cruel part of him protested at the idea that he would need special treatment and desperately wanted to throw it back in Patton's face. He wasn't a sweetheart, he wasn't a baby. He didn't need to crawl into a blanket fort with Dad just because he was a little stressed.

-Remus calls Janus "Janus Geminus" because I was tired and couldn't come up with a pun. "Geminus" is one of the Roman god Janus' epithets; another is "Pater" meaning "Father." That led to a conversation about Remus deliberately confusing Patton by calling Janus "Daddy," but I couldn't think of a clean way to fit the explanation into the narrative, so I stuck with "Geminus."

Chapter 3:

"There's nothing normal about that! " Roman stared in horror at the coffee massacre Virgil had orchestrated. What had once been a respectable (if not very tasty) cup of black coffee was now part of a 1:1 coffee to milk suspension, the liquid a tasteful shade of tan suitable for business casual trousers or a show-ready chihuahua.

-Cade is a certified Nightmare Man and came up with Virgil's horrifying coffee order after I asked him about it. Keep an eye out for Janus' equally horrifying coffee order later in the fic.

1) Shouts out the fact that Janus is canonically a Dostoevsky fan

Chapter 4:

Janus smiled at him. "Where reason fails, the Devil helps." He fussed with his gloves and straightened his capelet. "It's showtime."

-I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Look at me. Look at me. I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Janus' quoting Raskolnikov serves multiple purposes:

2) Lampshades the fact that Roman just conveniently happened to be alone in the living room, because I didn't want to waste time getting him there. That makes me, the author, the Devil

3) Foreshadows the impending disaster. When Raskolnikov says this line it is because he had planned to commit axe murder. The axe he was planning to steal had been moved, but he finds another, different axe to use. Raskolnikov messes up the murder and ends up killing an innocent witness in addition to his intended target. Janus messes up his manipulation attempt and ends up murdering Roman's self esteem

-I was going to include a reference to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (Remus' line "debauchery and vomit" was originally going to be "blood, love, and rhetoric") but I didn't because... Uh... Hm. Why didn't I do that. Maybe I just forgot about it???

-Roman is too stubborn to manipulate for long and that is a fact.

"I was pretty much done anyway," Remus said. "There's only so much debauchery and vomit you can fit into one story."

-Cade specifically ask me that nobody cry in this fic, but after I had Janus eviscerate Roman I knew he couldn't not cry a little. I kept it to a minimum because there's already a billion fucking fics about [literally any Side] crying on the shoulder of [literally any other Side] and it's really just not interesting to either of us.

-It didn't come up because it doesn't matter, but Thomas dreamed he was participating in the exact Dionysian orgy that took place in The Secret History because it's my fic and I said so.

Chapter 5:

He just sat back and watched and tugged at his hair while Janus spooned mound after mound of crisp white sugar into his mug and Virgil poured his customary eight fluid ounces of milk into his own mug.

-Cade strikes again. Virgil's coffee order is equal amounts milk to coffee; Janus' is equal parts sugar to coffee. He had asked me to include a scene where Roman catches Janus massacring his coffee and is appropriately horrified, but I uhh... Didn't write it. I still might include it as an omake someday.

-I imagine that Roman feels really strongly about dragons vs wyverns, and Remus just pretends to give a shit because he thinks it's funny to wind Roman up. Fortunately for me but unfortunately for my sense of realism in writing, I can't relate because I adore my sister and we get along perfectly almost 100% of the time.

"You shut us down every chance you get!" Remus said, baring his teeth. "How would you like it if your pens never wrote, hm? What would you do with all those thoughts in your head?"

-I do wish I had developed the concept of power focuses a bit more, established rules and such. Basically, Patton is always on the prowl for wrongthink and actively represses it, which in turn breaks or sabotages the Dark Sides' power focus.

Chapter 6: This chapter really should have been Janus and Roman but I was really tired and didn't want to bother with it. Plus, you know, Moceit. This chapter was meant to demonstrate how the characters would get along without Virgil nannying them. There's friction, but everyone is making a conscious, deliberate effort to get along because they love Virgil, and love is a series of choices you make.

I chose "Leo" as the answer for the answer to the crossword clue instead of "Virgo," because my other QPP is a Leo. She'll never read this fic, but I did it anyway because I love her. (Trivia: My sign is Virgo, so it was really a choice between shouting her out and shouting me out, and the last chapter is self-indulgent enough, thank you).

Chapter 7: I was gonna write a fic where all the Sides watched Cats the Musical because I was going through a phase. Then Cade requested this so I combined the two ideas. By this point I was fucking exhausted, and that's the only thing that saved you and the rest of the world from me writing the Sides riffing on the movie scene-by-scene. I could come up with snarky commentary for almost every, if not every single song from the movie.

Most notably, I cut a Patton-Remus interaction where Remus declares his love for Grizabella and Patton gets all staryy-eyed about Remus connecting with the idea of rising above rejection and being loved and accepted only for Remus to shoot him down and explain that he just likes that she got to die in a tire fire.

Other cut scenes include Janus quietly pretending not to go feral over Mister Mistoffelees, Patton full-on fucking sobbing over Grizabella and the kittens, and Logan experiencing a deep, soulful kinship with Munkustrap during Of The Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollices (and henceforth introducing the phrase "like herding cats" into his regular vocabulary

[kamatael]

Greetings. This is Egor, my spiritual name is Kamatael. You can always write to me at gruzz2021@mail.ru if you want to chat. Today is May 21, 2021 and I decided to write this information. I want to touch on many topics in order to show the general picture of what is happening now. I ask the holy spirit for strength in prayer to tell all the necessary things, amen. I belong to the Orthodox Church.

I will begin with the revelation of the cross of Belial, or the satanic cross. You may have noticed how various people, such as singers or prostitutes, wear Christian crosses around their necks. Spiritually, such crosses do not worship Jesus Christ. I was in the spirit world and ended up in some kind of laboratory. I saw Satanists there, as well as Reptilians. One reptilian spoke to me. "Many people are deceived. They see the cross on us and think that we are worshiping Jesus. But this is not so, naive people. In fact, it is the cross of our God, Lucifer. It is the cross of Belial. It only looks like a Christian cross. It is worn reptilians to hide their essence and deceive you, as well as our servants on Earth. Look here. "

I saw a cross appeared in front of me. He was white. "This is the cross of our master. In this way we deceive people." After that I woke up. I saw a similar cross on the neck of Tony Ferguson, the mma fighter. In the past, I've talked about UFC hell of a tournament. Tony Ferguson wears such a cross. After losing, he tweeted a picture of Jesus on the cross of Calvary, and how he was given a painful hold. This is blasphemy in disguise. Therefore, if you see a cross on someone, it does not mean that this person serves Jesus Christ.

Now let's move on. Recently, the number of demonic attacks on me has increased. I saw the road. The demon told me, "You are a man, do you know that it costs a Christian just a little deviates from the truth, as he is already on a different road, to hell?" The next day I heard the voice of a demon in my dream. "Your God is coming to Earth soon. His coming is near." Then a mermaid wrote to me on the Internet and began to threaten that I crossed their path. I had to fight in the spirit world. After the fight, I saw a big man in front of me. He was bigger than me and had a sword. "I am your personal guardian. God's revelation is a good book. Satanists and sorcerers exploit your weak points. Be careful."

I woke up. The next day I saw a huge snake that wanted to attack me, but I was able to escape from it. She moved very quickly. Let's remember the Bible, the devil walks like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

Now I want to talk about the dangers of anime and mundane music. I know that this is a hackneyed topic and there is a lot of talk about it. But I will also say a few words. The problem is that many Christians lose their grip and succumb to worldly things. I studied the demonic influence of the Sailor Moon anime. About the warrior of the moon. The moon is a symbol of the occult and is often used in anime, along with pentagrams, they insert rock music there, to summon demons, sexy women, so that sex demons can influence people, as well as curses and they constantly say there, "damn, heck". These are all spells of the dark forces.

After watching the anime, I went to bed. I dreamed that I was washing in the shower and a girl from this anime was sticking to me, but her eyes were black. “Get away from me, Satan,” I said to this illusion and woke up. Prodigal demons started working immediately after watching. I found anime with names such as "Beelzebub", the prince of demons mentioned in the Bible, as well as "death note", this is the book of hell, the names of dead souls. The devil loves to praise himself through anime. Already from the names it is clear that these anime are made in hell. In the spirit I saw a huge demon in hell, this is the scribe of hell. He holds a fiery feather in his paws and gives revelations to anime producers. Under his leadership, such a satanic cartoon as "spawn" was released, as well as comics.

Then I started to study the popular Japanese anime "Bleach". In the splash screen, I immediately saw a pentagram, as well as blasphemy over the bright angels. In one of the episodes, they showed the Bible and the hero said, "Damn, this is not what I want." Further, a parody of the crucifixion of Jesus and blasphemy against the spirit of the saint was shown, when a fiery dove wanted to kill a girl. And then a hero appeared who called himself Lucifer and the hell gate. I watched 64 episodes in a row and then they put in more rock music and for a couple of days I didn't feel important. This can be characterized in one word - devilish schizophrenia. A huge spiritual negative impact on the psyche of immature and not understanding children, who is watching, the illusory jungle of demons, a mirage.

I won't watch it anymore, even for study. Then I studied the lyrics of some of the singers and saw the demonic language that Christians and Satanists understand. Mention of hell, fire and souls. Then a demon of music appeared to me, who called himself "Didjetal". He paralyzed my body and wanted to suck my spirit out, but he failed. Since I have touched on the topic of music, I move on to the next important topic - Eurovision.

I myself do not watch this show, but from the news I learned that one of the singers called her song "the devil". I am writing this and my phone is very buggy. Demons prevent me from writing this. So great is their anger at this information. So, when I saw this in the news feed, I decided to find out more.

"El Diablo" (The Devil) - a dance mix performed by Greek singer Elena Tsagrinu reached the final of the Eurovision Song Contest -2021, which is now taking place in Rotterdam. The final itself will take place on May 22.

“We must get rid of this blasphemy,” said one of the priests. “She is an insult to Cyprus and is a danger to our children.” “This is Satan worship,” protester Eleni, 62, told Ioannou. “The old Eurovision was so good. And now Satan is in charge there. " Residents of a nearby house decided to "troll" the protesters and played the song "El Diablo" at full volume.

The Cypriot Broadcasting Corporation PIK has stated that the song is actually about a battle between good and evil. It is worth noting that "El Diablo" is not the only song at Eurovision 2021 dedicated to a fallen angel. The Norwegian performer TIX performed the composition "Fallen Angel", the performer himself appeared on stage with the wings of an angel, and devils roamed around the singer, to which he was tied with chains.

I see that even an experienced Orthodox woman, 62 years old, said, "Previously, Eurovision was good." Earlier? it has always been devilish. What's in the 1980s, what's today. The only difference is that now the dark forces are acting more openly, and not veiled, as before. Only a few dozen people came to this rally in Cyprus. This speaks well of how few soldiers of Jesus Christ are not indifferent to the situations that are taking place in the world. Small flock, so it is written in the Bible, and so it is. Not everyone who calls himself a Christian will go to heaven. Jesus spoke of this while he was on earth. In general, this whole situation is just a shame for Orthodox Cyprus. I understand that any country, including my Russia,disgraced at this satanic meeting, but it was the representative of Cyprus who spoke more openly than others. In general, this is another sign of the end and the imminent coming of the Savior, and I do not advise Christians to watch these satanic, demonic games. Don't give them glory from watching their show. Don't give praise to demons. Amen.

And the last thing I want to talk about in this piece of information. Consecrate all your data on the Internet with the blood of Jesus Christ. I have noticed that the number of Satanists, witches and sorcerers has increased, especially on dating sites. They also contacted me. These applications, such as wattsap, youtube, vk, included a lot of demons and their goal is the murder and destruction of the children of God. They conjure and damage photographs, put spiritual chains and, due to the spells of magicians, tie people to this dark, digital world. I saw many mermaids seducing men, as well as demons disguised as humans. There is a lot of black magic and lies in these places. It is best to delete all your data, but if you are there, be careful.

Satan is very cunning and easily deceives many. With the help of black magic and curses, they killed a lot of people through social networks and threw them into hell. They have special scouts, I ran into them. They closely follow everyone and they have access to any of your data - photos, messages. They even showed it to me. Therefore, there is no data security. Don't believe this. As soon as you register on social networks, the scouts immediately observe you. If they see that you are a Christian or that you are preaching, then they become the object of increased attack and interest. Satanists and witches connect to you and begin your destruction. They are looking for weak points through which to kill you, or hurt you.

If they fail to kill, they will try to take you away from Christ and the body of Christ. These places have become very dangerous. They previously belonged to demons, but today the Christian is in them like death. No acquaintance, no woman, or man, in my opinion, is worth risking salvation and life in these places. I conclude my testimony, who have read to the end, be blessed. Amen!

[victorscanero]

FELT// Chapter two [tyrus]

Hey okay guys so the rest of the book will in cyrus' pov sorry of thid makes anything confusing I deeply apologize.

If you haven't seen chapter one that's here:

It's been weeks since Amber and I first hung out and we have been hanging out every day since. We have hung out so much that buffy and Andi were getting jealous, After I told Amber she suggested that the we have a mini party while her parents are out, Nothing crazy just a few friends of amber and T.J. that way there isn't so much pressure. "You would sit through Jandi drama for me?" I asked in aw. Amber gave me a look "Jandi...drama?" She asked clueless. "Jonah and Andi. it's their ship name." I sighed disappointed at my friends lack of fandom knowledge. "Right...anyways if it gets too bad I'll just talk to you but I think I can handle it." she laughed "and T.J. is going to agree to this?" "And is T.J. gonna agree with what?" T.J. asked slowly looking towards Amber. "Small party tonight! very tiny but you can invite reed and lester." Amber smiled hoping he would just go along with "Why would I do that when I could just hang out with reed and lester in my room?" He asked "because the party has to look chill and laid back and unforced." Amber said  "So to not make it look forced you're going to force me?" T.J. rose an eyebrow and I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous it must seem. T.J. and Amber to both break eye contact and looked at me "This really is crazy maybe we should just deal with the forced awkwardness of hanging out with buffy and Andi" "No, I'll do it." T.J. said "but it is crazy" he smiled at both of ud before turning around and leaving. Amber rolled her eyes and we began planning.

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The party seemed to be going well Jonah,gus and walker were hitting it off and Andi and Buffy were off to a fresh start there were others, but none that I really cared to talk to, that was until I saw T.J. alone at a table.

“What happened to your friends” I asked pulling out a chair to the right of T.J. at the end of the table he seemed taken back I assumed it was because the most I've spoken to him in the past weeks were when he would answer the door, but even then he just called for Amber and left.

After a moment, he replied. “Lester is looking for pudding despite my attempts of telling him we don't have any and I sent reed home.” he said “why'd you send reed home?” I asked letting my curiosity take hold. he raised an eyebrow and I began to regret prying “Do you always ask intruding questions?” but then laughed “Reed is... complicated.” he adding shaking his head “Great friend, but we are very different.” here's where I realized I made the mistake of assuming I knew who T.J. was. “I also might have gotten tired of his comments about my sister”  he said causing me to laugh “Just tell him to ask her out she's been dying to use one of her reject lines” I smiled turning to where she was at i watched as her and Andi were dancing and for a moment I thought maybe she could lime her too

Just for a moment though because before i could blink Jonah was pulling her away. her smile falling only for a moment before turning around and sitting next to amber

“Cyrus?” I heard turning my head “yeah?” I asked looking at T.J. “You didn't hear me did you?” he said looking amused my face fell “Sorry I was seeing how Amber and Andi were doing.” truthfully that happened a lot, me getting distracted worrying about other people but he didn't need to know that. “Yeah so was I” he said still looking at amber when he turned to me i guess he could see my confusion because he then asked me a question i wasn't sure how to answer “Amber likes Andi, doesn't she?” i thought I sensed a bit of sadness in his voice and hoped it was because she didn't tell her and not it was a girl that she liked I waited too long to respond i know I did silence says a lot but i answered him anyways “I think if you want to know something about Amber, you should ask Amber.”

I partly felt like it was my fault he asked. If I lied and said i was just say dreaming, the conversation would have been off them and T.J. wouldn't have asked.

“How are my favorite boys doing?” Amber perked between us a hand touching each of our shoulder “We were doing fine before you showed up.” T.J. joked causing me to smile because relief of T.J. being mad at her went away.  “Aw! that's what i said when you were born.” she took a seat beside me “Amber we're twins” T.J. said in a duh tone. Amber reached her arms back pretending to stretch “best 8 minutes of my life” she sighed “So how exactly do we kick everyone out of the house now that you guys are… Shall I say friends? We should watch the conjuring tonight.” she smiled “I'm down” T.J. smiled clamping his hand on my shoulder and getting up “IT WAS NICE HAVING EVERYONE COME AGAIN NEXT TIME” he shouted at the 10 people in the living room “well that's a passive aggressive way to tell someone to get out” I smiled walking to sat the living room and saying bye to buffy and walker before she left i couldn't find andi and jonah so I assumed they had gone home. After about 15 minutes the house was cleared. “I told him” Amber smiled “told who what?” I asked “i told T.J. said i looked really happy talking to andi and then said i always look happy when i talked about andi so he asked me if i liked her and i may have ended up telling him i liked girls and he was cool with it.” my face dropped and i took her hand and smiled “Amber! That's great I'm so happy for you!” I said and i meant it i was unbelievably happy for her. “yeah i know” she was still smiling “Can you spend the night?” “yeah but I have to walk to my house first and get some things first.” I said “T.J.!” Amber called from the room we were in and T.J. came in seconds later “yeah?” “Cyrus is spending the night so can we take him to get his clothes?” Amber asked “Yeah if we can go now I'm ready to watch the movie” he said

I forgot all about the movie I thought I could sneak past it but seeing as T.J. is excited for it and I want to have some kind of connection with him i decided to just deal with it.

The car ride there was nostalgic fergie bops Glamorous, big girls don't cry, and london Bridge. Most people i know listened to these songs but i was still shocked to see T.J. sing all the lyrics to fergalicious. Me and Amber were both in the back screaming the lyrics along with him and when we got to my house only Amber ran in with me. I told my mom I would be back tomorrow around 6:00 and we left. Amber begged to stop by the store and seeing a neither me or T.J. wanted to go in we both stayed in the car.

“So” T.J. turned around to face me “ I know about Amber.” he seemed happier than when I first found out he suspected it. “And you're okay with it?” I asked finding that having a conversation with T.J. was becoming less and less forced. He nodded “I'm just really happy she's happy” he smiled “Plus it is a relief knowing she won't ever date reed just to piss me off again”

I laughed at that “Again?” I questioned he raised an eyebrow “She didn't tell you?” I shook my head “ofcourse she didn't tell you she was probably embarrassed. Anyways, well In 6th grade i broke a vase, it wasn't important and it was 10 dollars but,  i blamed it on Amber anyways. She didn't get in trouble she actually got a hug for crying at my accusations but she was out for revenge anyways and ending up dating reed for a whole week. He cheated which obviously amber didn't care since she had zero feelings for him but to this day she regrets it because reed thinks that's whole reason she won't get back together with him” he explained the story and it was my turn to raise an eyebrow “No one thought to tell him she never had feelings for him? That could end this whole thing.” I laughed surprised.

“Reed hitting on amber has been a thing since elementary school no matter how much either of us complain the moment Reed gets into a real relationship and stops will be a very sad day” he said before I could reply I heard a known on the trunk and turned to see Amber, her figure disappearing behind the hood as she lifted it up.

“You heard all of that and we will make sure she knows you know.” T.J. smiled at me before turning back around. Amber came in the car and I couldn't help but make the first punch. “it's funny you have a crush on andi who has short hair and dated reed who has short hair… you must have a type” I smiled innocently “T.J. YOU TOLD HIM” she pulled the strings on her hoodie hiding her face “Sorry I couldn't help it, you can't just let your friends stay alone with me and not expect me to tell your darkest secrets!” he cranked up the car beginning to drive off “T.J. thought you were in love with me when we first started hanging out” that shocked me but i couldn't help but burst out laughing along with her “I did for a week and then i told you i think that's just how he acts” he said “what is that even supposed to mean” I continued to laugh “you know like your nice I noticed your nice to everyone” T.J. started to drive and the laughter died down “that's so not true!” I said knowing that it was very much true “Dude, Jenkins dropped his books while knocking yours out of your hand and you helped him pick his up.” T.J. laughed “that's so cyrus” amber said “Jenkins isn't that bad he is just douchey” i said knowing he was THAT bad. “Trust, he is i play basketball with him. That reminds me, if you ever decide to be fully out Amber and Jenkins gives you shit let me know. He is known for being homophobic.” We pulled into the driveway and she jumped out “That's the exact opposite of what I'm going to do but thank you for the tip” i began to wonder if that's why jenkins was always a total dick to me, could he tell I was gay? I pushed the thoughts aside when we got to Amber's room we all decided to watch it there and Amber had the bright idea to make a fort so we brought in chairs and blankets and moved her bed to the side and the mattress off of it.

A/n this ended weirdly but i wanted to start chapter 3 from the fort being done.